sept 14

i dont WANT an EXPLANATION of WHY, I already know WHY, that’s nothing. I jsut wanted to be treated nicer, like a human being, like i mattered, like our Rel mattered, like it was an important rel between two human beings. sheeeeeit i already know WHY. the WHY is not important. I just wanted more kindness and gentleness and less ice coldness hahahaha. treat me and our Past Rel with DIGNITY.

i dont are about why. i already KNOW why. case closed. i just wanted to know what she was thinking regarding hurting me. did you really WANT to HURT me? and WHY was THAT?

other thing: besides being humiliated on a personal level, i felt humiliated on a woring level: i failed at this job, while she succeeded at the same job. She could handle it, I couldn’t. She’s moving up, I’m moving down. I cant handle REAL LIFE as good as her. She is a winner, i am a loser, and losers like me dont deserve to associate with winners like her. and maybe thats why she rejected me so brutally on a personal level. because i was just inferior scum in every conceivable way. i was like the slimiest, most scheming little sleazy greasy joo to her.

and i think abotu how women Botch Relationships and Emotioanlly Overreact (I screwed up TOO but she screwed up WAY more), and I think, how the hell can women do JOBS and make 13 dollars an hour??? you need to make GOOD decisions! you need to have a record of excellence! you need to communicate clearly and decisively! women cant do this shit! they are like a 50 foot baby with a flamethrower! how can they be mature enough to handle a 13 an hour job, LET ALONE a 20 dollar an hour job??!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?

she never made flashcards! she never looked at old cases! she never studied when she went home! she never did homework! yet i failed and she succeeded! I wanted to know how shit worked, she just said idk lol! and got a man to help her! and she is the winner and i am the loser at life! FOOK THAT SHIT!!!! FOOK THIS GAY

maybe i should embrace hating women like i embracing being a racist.

so i thought, well i dont even HATE other races, i just dont think races can coexist all that well. but women of my own race annoy the shit out of me just as much or even more than people of other races!

and this is not good, i thought. it jsut doesnt feel like something natural or sustainable the way being a racist feels pretty natural. i dont really WANT To hate women in other words.

also, for a man like me who wants so much to be a father and have children…..i dont think its a good idea for a Good Father to HATE WOMEN!!!!!!!

Good Fathers don’t hate women, they get along with women and teach their children how to get along with women!

so yeah in order to level up to pull good women, i need to learn how to deal with low level trash women on okcupid hahahaha.

i guess muh goals in life were never specific enough. find a nice gf. that became find a nice gf and make her muh waifu. as i got older. then that became have children with the waifu. and also get a 13 dollar an hour job with benefits and weekends off that doesnt drive me crazy. that is all.

maybe GOD is not calling me to be a father though. or even to be married. some people are called to be SINGLE 4 LYFE. Its just very weird though. cuz some of my biggest goals were to be married, have children. now GOD is telling me that i’m WRONG??!?!?! these arent horrible ungodly things! GOD LUVS marriage and family and so do I!!!!!!

but maybe  this is not what GOD has meant for me and my life. which is frustrating, because, like i just said, god LUVS marriage and family!

so i thought that well, maybe i’m supposed to be single and childless and I can still support marriage and family by…..doing marriage and family related work. it just seems frustrating though. that all these people can get married, have families and children, some of them are totally shitty too. and i’m meant to SUPPORT families, but i’m not allowed to have a family myself? it sounds CRUEL and SADISTIC!!!! like TORTURE!!!!! God doesnt just TEST us, he TORTURES us!!!!!!!! why the hell CANT I have a family?

well, besides I am totally not ready for it. but i really should be at this age. I mean realistically i have too many ISSUES to be a husband and father. unfortunately. but its the truth.

also, i want to know if i did something terrible, SO I DONT DO IT AGAIN IN THE FUTURE!!!!!!!

i dont want to fook things up this bad again!!!!!!

but again thats an unknown. most likely i didnt do anything horribly wrong, like lie or cheat where i really AM the bad guy at fault. sometimes that shit DOES happen. sometimes it IS your fault.  sometimes you ARE the bad guy.

it would have almost been better if she said YOUR THE BAD GUY, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

heh. maybe.

i hate making mistakes, but i might hate NOT KNOWING if i made a mistake or not even MORE!

i mean if i ever get feelings for a friend again, i WILL handle it differently, namely, tell them assertively and quickly.

oh yeah. when women think “ALL GUYS LOOK AT PORN.”

WRONG! so yeah that is triggering. they havent met me yet! I dont look at porn because it is jooish filth that ruins women and men! poisons the mind and soul!!!! i actively do NOT watch porno and can’t imagine wanting to watch it EVER AGAIN!!!!!! its DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!

applied for 5th job today. army related job. administering asvab tests hahahaha. 15 an hour. found out it was casual/intermittent, meaning no benefits. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. thats the whole reason to get a fedgov job!

well i did not see that until i was 80% done with the grueling 16 minute application hahahaha.

NOTE: the first time you apply for a USAJOBS job, it will take MUCH longer to build your superresume, get all your shit together etc.

all guys do not look at porn, just the manly men you date hahahahaha

omega male sex negative neets think porn is disgusting degeneracy hahahahaha but we are invisible to women so…..

Women SHOULD be CAUTIOUS, they can get PREGNANT!!!!!


how can someone with the maturity level of a CHILD make an ABOVE AVERAGE INCOME???? make WAY MORE THAN ME?

also it sucks when they are much more mature with other people, and super immature with you.

then you wonder, what did I do, so I don’t do it again!

but what you did was not super duper offensive, but just basic bitch communication mistakes.

besides, if you are doing something SUPER wrong, like lying or cheating…….you usually KNOW it, and you think, welp, I can GET AWAY with this, they’ll never find out. nothing like that here.

TEN dollar an hour job where posting calls for EIGHTY wpm typing. i have 60.

EIGHTY words a minute for TEN dollars an hour. 


113 people applied, so i should apply too hehehehe.

i have a great SUPPORT SYSTEM, so why the hell am i so insecure and unstable and struggling and on the edge?

i have to remember, i dont hate all women. this woman i see at my weekly game, she is very nice and good and i like her and she doesnt annoy me. when i first met her, she kind of annoyed me a little but now i totally appreciate and like her. too bad i am not in luv with her hahahaha. i really didnt have any of that interest in her. not a slut either. darn near asexual which was starting to become weird…..but in the past few years she met a good decent man and they are getting married. pretty much a perfect situation there. he is pretty masculine and not a niceguy wimp pvssy like me, but i get the idea that he has morals and was not a degen womanizer at any point.

separate website for FBI jobs, they are not posted on USAJOBS………i dont think.

ok applied for gs05, 32k level job with air force. it specialist hahahahaha. now this is more like it. there are some fedgov bennies hahahaha. however no specific openings at my local air force base. might never be an opening hhehehe.

ok 6 jobs for today hehehe good enough.

well 7 would be better but i am getting back on the horse. i mean SHEEEEEEEIT, i might have to get to 600 jobs. at 600 i will start sucking dicks for recruiters until i become blacklisted by every recruiter in town. there are a lot of recruiters in town! sometimes it seems there are more recruiters than nonrecruiters hahahaha.

anyway im saying it would take MANY YEARS for me to burn through every recruiter in town.

but yeah it bothers me that a person can be more successful than me yet be a lot more immature than me…..and i am pretty immature.

also, i was the one putting myself out there. she wasnt really putting herself out there at all. she COULD HAVE. in the sense that it would have took some agency and initiative to Respond to the Request, and say Listen, I’m Not Interested, Let’s End this in a good way.

but no she just shut down entirely.

i did not shut down entirely regarding HER.

i did kinda shut down regarding my job and my life.

but its impossible to communicate or deal with a person who SHUTS DOWN.

basically, she shut down, I didnt. I was begging her not to shut down.

yeah, i shouldnt have BEGGED…….but jeez. if someone is begging you, just humor them. i dunno. ive never had anyone BEG me before. I imagine i would write them an email hahahahha.


you cant do anything with someone who shuts down. cant communicate, cant make the best of a bad situation. shutting down is abotu the worst communication there is. i did bad communication but not this bad. i didnt shut down.

how can SHE make more money than me and be more successful at life than me???!?!?!?!?!

and in relships too. she had a 4 year relship that could have resulted in marriage. i have never had a long term monog committed rel with a woman, ever.  that in itself is a damn red flag to women, and i have to damn lie about it essentially, or just avoid talking about it.

but i also feel like i havent been given a fair CHANCE. give me a CHANCE and dont GIVE UP and WALK OUT on me. im not THAT bad!!!!!!!! i honestly believe that! im not perfect but im not THAT bad!!!!!!!

i dont SHUT DOWN. I’ll write you a longass email before I shut down. Or leave you a 5 minute voice mail of me rambling. i will tell you whats on my mind in great detail!!!!!!!!! look at this blog!!!!!!

dont look for a redpilled woman, you wont find a decent one. just find a nice decent wholesome woman who has not taken too many dix and you can make her redpilled.

i have known this for a while, i am very comfortable being the red pill person hahahaha. just want a wholesome, moral, decent, nice, woman, thats all.

fook politics, fook redpills, fook race, fook music, fook taste, fook coolness. dont sweat the small stuff hehehe.

she will prove her race loyalty simply by not being interested in fooking nonwhites. and OF COURSE she WILL say something like “but Im not racist, i swear!” im not so autistic any more that I want a woman to say “yes Im proud to be a racist!” for a woman, thats just WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!! for a man, its pretty cool tho.

its very similar to when i was young, i thought it would be so cool to find a waifu who liked METAL. now im smart enough to know that would be a fooking clusterfook. it would be similar to find a full on 1488 waifu. they would prob be bipolar, borderline, and fooking ingras in 6 months.

note: i don’t think That Woman was Over the line crazy like that. she was acceptable levels of normie female crazy. she just greatly disappointed me is all. she is still way less evil than average. a good person who did something very disappointing to me. shit i would take her back in an instant hahahahaha.

i mean women are just not good at making real world judgments and doing things in the real world. yet they make shitloads more money at jobs in the real world. when they have no real SKILL in the real world! i mean when it comes to SERIOUS shit in the real world,  you’d be a fool to trust a woman! they jsut dont have it! and i dont say that to be mean! its just the way it is! its just not a good match for them! their skill set is elsewhere! namely, raising children. and heres the thing, that can of course be extremely compromised as well. in the current year. so many times it appears that many women are good for absolutely NOTHING.

i mean many women in the real world are literally good for absolutely nothing. its sad and horrifying and it didnt have to be that way.

and that woman, she was not one of those worthless women. like i say, i hurts a lot more to be rejected by the good, decent women. those are the ones that take longest to get over. because something of great value was lost. as opposed to something of no value. or negative value hahahaha.

i guess i should meditate on this real life woman i know who is not a piece of garbage, but actually a decent, good, wholesome, moral person. nope she is not redpilled, nope she is not politically minded, yes she likes the worst music and tv shows and movies ever.  but she has good morals, has lived according to those morals, and would make a good wife and mother. perfect. i am not attracted to her but i wish I were. well actually not, because she is getting married and good for them i say. its about time. really she’s getting married a little late at like age 29 or 30, but better late than never in her case.

so whenever i think of That Woman, i should replace her with thoughts of This Woman. Yes.

and i dont think even if you cut muh balls off it would even help. my secsual libido is not the problem. its loving people who are gone, unavailable, and never luved me.

ok want to get in at least 2 applications before my afternoon powerwalk hahaha.

ok got in 3 but they were so low energy. local shitty hospital using ultipro ATS. it kinda incentivizes low energy applications. 3 to 5 minutes each. can only have one resume/packet on there at a time. ideally this is ideal, and employers wouldnt care if you only took 3 minutes on an app vs 30 minutes. but of course they do. and if you spend only 3 minutes, you will get screened out.

yeah tv is really triggering. i usually have it on as background noise……..but i really SHOULDNT. this is not a value added strategy hahahaha.

got 3 apps in real quick. the site said full time but 2 were ACTUALLY part time. i dont think this is intentional. i think it is just basic incompetence from whoever manages the postings. basic bitch not knowing how to do your job so you just Fudge It and pretend like you know what youre doing…..even though you have no idea of best practices. this is very common. this is the norm hahahaha. norm 4 normies. normies gonna norm hahahahaha.

ok time for powerwalk.

ok did 4.18 mile pwalk. listened to azzmador talking with grandpa lampshades.

ok this isnt the exact one but i should listen to this one.

they are both total laid back southern gentlemen, i have difficulty telling them apart hahahaa except azzmador has a slightly deeper voice. but i love this laid back, polite, friendly, southern hospitality.

very j00 wise alt right type guys who each do their own podcasts but not on trs. but i am sure they approve of trs. they are not renegade tier or anything hahahahaha.

heh. if i am going to have children i cant afford, i might as well do that with some woman i am madly in luv with and would never want to leave hahahaha. of course she could veyr well want to leave me!

because honestly i cant EVER imagine being ABLE to afford children!

heh. i could probably smoke MJ all day, then take the next 2 days off, and then my system would be clear to pass a drugs test. thats pretty good right?

ok how about 3 days.

really the best think i can do is powerwalking hahaha. i wish i was as good about lifting. but powerwalking is my strength, muh skill set, and i want to be the best powerwalker i can be hahaha.

the other thing i naturally do is writing this trash……………… and tbh the powerwalking is a lot BETTER FOR ME.

the writing CAN be good SOMETIMES but it can EASILY go both ways.

the walking cannot. the walking is ALWAYS good. cant go wrong. win win.

these women are NIHILISTIC and SOCIOPATHIC. the horrible lives they lead. the empty, shallow relationships. the things they value. MORAL INVERSION. NIHILISTIC and SOCIOPATHIC. treating people like OBJECTS.

i have been antsy since not having an interview is a while. and i am at 18.5 and i need to get to at LEAST 25. meaning 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, and 24 are all gonna be worthless. other than getting me one closer to magic 25.

but 25 isnt magic! like i say, on the whole, i feel i do PRETTY GOOD on interviews! i mean i dont SLAM DUNK it, but i still feel i do well enough to get an offer before 25!

bridget jones baby? a 50 year old slut with tons of grotesque plastic surgery creating a miserable innocent life out of her 50 year old adolescent sluttery? absolutely disgusting! if i didnt have the tv on i would never have seen that bullshit movie commercial!

women cannot give good advice basically. if you ever need HELP with figuring something out, god forbid you go to a woman. they might mean well, but my god they cannot give good advice. they MIGHT mean well though. that does count for something. but dear god dont take their awful advice. what makes /r/relships so shitty is all the WOMEN chiming in with their shitty advice. i need a MEN ONLY forum. but not necessarily a MGTOW or got forbid GAME forum. but 99% of Men Only forums are going to be MGTOW, MRA, or Game.

well, not TRS though. but TRS doesn’t have a relationship section. but they should hahahahaha.


I think it would go over better than me starting a Neet Section.

but I DO like having a Neet Blog which is very Alt Right!

like women will tell you that college and career is more important than a rel, and encourage people to break up just because theyre YOUNG and those early relships NEVER work out, you have a chance for a great FUTURE by getting into a Top 50 school, so just break up with so and so even though u luv them. bullshit advice like that.

women are so BLUE PILL on things like college. they were encouraging another woman who had left a 45k a year job so she could go back to COLLEGE and become a TEACHER. holy SHIT.  thats exactly the kind of bad advice women give. because you’ll be so glad you got your teaching degree and now make 20k a year with part time sub jobs and no health care. babysitting feral black chirren.

not a lot of commentary right now. but i want more people to say yeah she is really an ice cold bitch, not “it doesnt matter, youre not entitled to anything.” no, of course he’s not, but IT WOULD BE NICE if she could DIGNIFY A 3 YEAR RELSHIP by not meeting these sleazy new friends, staying up till 6 am, going on tinder right in front of him. show some COURTESY for the HEART you are breaking and the Long Term Relationship you are Single Handedly Ending, I would tell her.

dont tell him “its over, get over it.”

yes of COURSE he should go no contact but give him some moral support at least. damn. judge her behavior as shitty and sleazy!!!!!!! judge her as the bad guy here!!!!!! because she is!!!!!!!!!!!

now i dont talk too much shit about That Woman. Sometimes sure. but not overall. most of this is just me grieving and moaning and whining. but i can’t say what a shitty person she was…….because she wasnt. she was honestly a good decent wholesome person who just dropped the ball here and disappointed me greatly. but it wasnt because she was a shitty, horrible person. she just fight or flight and shut down. she could be a great wife and mother to a different man.

ok i turned off the tv and am listening to beethovens 1st symphony. not sure why. just wanted some classical music symphony fast. something that wasnt too jooish. and that is a symphony.

she doesnt NEED to consider your feelings. again, technically correct, but to tell the guy that…..that is weak womanly advice. no, she doesnt need to, but she SHOULD, after 2-3 YEARS, show him some god damn COMMON COURTESY.


she wants to be just friends, he thinks he needs to go no contact and cant do just friends because she broke up with him and he still wants her. he sees her at bar, is drunk, gets emotional, now he’s the bad guy. come on. meanwhile she’s tweeting about fooking strangers off tinder. god damn. so he’s supposed to be cool with the love of his life dumping him and fooking randos. and hes the bad guy for getting upset once. come on.

COMMON COURTESY from the woman is a reasonable expectation. not tweeting about EVIL DEGENERATE NIHILISTIC SOCIOPATHIC casual secs and being a filthy, degenerate whore. he has every right to be upset. yes he should go no contact.

so yeah. whatever happened to common courtesy. human decency. early termination fee. treat the person youre dumping with respect and kindness because THIS HURTS THEM.

casual secs IS unqualifiably degenerate, and she wants to throw away something good and wholesome, to do degenerate filth. of course he has a right to be upset.

at the very least she shouldn’t be pushing him to be friends, to understand that he is hurt, and needs no contact.

what did SHE do when Chad dumped her? probably some really shameful things trying to get chad back! and then fooked a bunch of casuals when chad laughed in her face!

now she’s pissed at the guy SHE dumped because he’s having a hard time with it? what a fookin coont!!!!!

and when this bitch on reddit says yeah you did act like an asshole, he responded with yeah i know i feel so bad about it, i know i should apologize to her etc etc. i downvoted the bitch hahaha.

common courtesy. human decency. part of the social contract of having a relship is NOT BEING A PIECE OF SHIT WHEN YOU END THE REL.


so many women didnt get that memo. too immature.

and i dont care if i am making a should statement. THIS SHOULD BE A SHOULD STATEMENT!!!!!






now that is the type of lecturing i can support!

i would be a great lecturer. sermonizer.

oh but they broke up 4 months ago so everybody should be KEWL, thats plenty of time to get comfortable with the love of your life dumping you, without willing to work on it, and fook randoms, and youre the bad guy to get upset at that and not want to be her platonic friend and hear about her degen secs life. god damn fooking degenerates. i am this close to private messaging the guy and telling him he is totally in the right and not to listen to that bitch that said “he definitely fooked up”. fook that bitch!


you HAVE to include the Ending Terms in their too.


so yeah it IS her concern, it IS her business. if she can end it on her whim, then she has to put forth good faith, good will, and effort to do the WORK necessary to end it at her whim. and that involves human decency, common courtesy, and not being a piece of shit. wow. i guess if you ask for that, then you are the bad guy.

you’re the bad guy if you think casual secs is degenerate and bad and a terrible way to finish off a beautiful LTR.

cuz its all the same, theres no good or bad or right or wrong.

and this is 30 year old people with professional careers, level 2 and above making 60k a year, saying all this disgusting shit.


and she has NO IDEA why the guy is upset! unbelievable! a 29 year old woman with the maturity of a 12 year old and she makes more money than i ever will!!!! unbelieveable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11



how can all these WOMEN not even BEGIN to understand that????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

no not all women. but a good 50% of them hahahahaha.

half of them are in this basket of deplorables hahahahahaha

its amazing you have to shout these Things I Learned In Kindergarten to Grown Fooking Women.

well remember its not all women. only HALF of women, hahaha.

oh but the ending isnt part of the relationship, these sneaky little j’s claim. i dont have ANY responsibilities the second i say “im done” and walk out.

that is an extremely JOOISH view of humanity and human relations. all these sneaky little loopholes, just like a joo trying to joo you out of service. sorry goy thats not in the contract. here’s the thing, there is no real contract. no exchanges, no refunds, no service, thanks for the money, chump!

theyve turned our women into sneaky little joos!!!!!!

i dont want to talk to women, i dont want to read womens stupid thoughts. the only time i will listen to a woman is if she is being NICE and PLEASANT. women CAN be good at that when they want to be. having just utterly harmless, charming, nice small talk, just being damn NICE. its really not that hard. doesnt take a lot of effort, energy, or creativity. just be nice. dont be an annoying, unscrupulous joo.

sept 2016: i keep hearing hearsay that millennial woes got a ladyfriend and that it is makign him more confident and masculine. I HOPE SO!!! GOOD FOR YOU LAD!!!!!!

I luv MW but havent listened to him lately cuz i dont luv the hangouts. anyway i would be VERY happy if he got a nondegen waifu, he DESERVES a good waifu, and indeed it would help him become an even better man… waifus can potentially do. shit it would help ME!

sept 16

yeah so i dont care that mw had a gay past, except that it makes him kinda neurotic and despairing and has consequences for his current mental/emo health, but he can certainly mitigate those consequences, and i believe he has done that. now i just hope his gf isnt a degen bitch who dumps him and breaks his heart because that could really set him back. i know. hahahahaha. remember he also fell in luv with a WOMAN before and when she rejected him, that broke his heart for YEARS and that hurt him a LOT. ive been there hahahaha.

i mean yeah this is what i am obsessed with. muh white whale. muh wheelhouse. relships between men and women. period. that is what i should do my career in. period.

so funny. for most normies this is just an accepted part of life. you get a gf and bang and sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesnt, but you just keep going until at age 25 you find someone you could probably marry and then you marry them, have children, and maybe they divorce you in 5-10 years.

but theres no need to study and obsess and analyze because you know you have the tools to be in a serious LTR because you’ve been in them before or you’re in one now!

since i have never been, i just don’t know that i have the Tools. and that is part of my obsession, studying How Women Are, and How Men Are, and the nuts and bolts of communication, problem solving etc.

when REALLY, i probably ALREADY HAVE the Tools i need, i just havent found the right woman. who is willing to let me use those tools hahaha.  because they were never WILLING. they were not OPEN, they just wanted to WALK AWAY. because they Just Werent That Into Me. but it they WERE, then I would have the Tools and the Communication Skills to make it last at least a year!

but yeah these normie women are like ROBOTS. date a guy, fook him, fall in “luv”, get some abortions, fall out of luv, dump him, and IMMEDIATELY start the whole process again with a new guy. it sounds both EXHAUSTING and DISGUSTING. how can you do that? how can people be so interchangeable to you? how can this “closeness” be so casual and meaningless????!!?!?! its NIHILISTIC AND SOCIOPATHIC!!!! and exhausting and disgusting hahaha and grotesque and horrifying, very blackpill.

but maybe IM the fooked up one because i take this shit too SERIOUSLY!!!!! and when i get heartbroken it takes TWO YEARS to get over them! whereas with NORMIES it takes 2 months before they are fooking other degens!

hehehehe i luv muh waifus literally TWELVE TIMES more than normie degen women luv their men!!!!!

but yeah it makes me think that normie degens incl half of women just dont Luv People the same way I do. or at least at much less of an intensity. And when the difference in Degree is Twelvefold, it may as well be a difference in Kind!!!! a different kind of luv!!!!!!!!

and how do you have a real sustainable LTR when you luv them TWELVE TIMES more than they luv you??!?!?!

that gives them absolute power over you and spells IMMINENT DOOM for the rel. period. they WILL leave you and you WILL be devastated for the next 2 years. what a terrible way to LIVE hahahaha.

basically i need to find another WEIRDO whos luv meter is turned way up to 12 in order to have a lasting thing where i dont get dumped because a huge interest mismatch!!!!

heh all this is not productive writing at all. it is pretty much a nonstop circle of Negative Thoughts. and i need to Rip Out negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts, by any means necessary.

even at the expense of Truth!

like how i should replace all thoughts of That Woman with This Other Woman I know who is very very nice and wholesome and is getting married soon. just cut and paste. i should also cut and paste with some sort of positive replacement to the negative thoughts that FILL this blog.

powerwalking is good.

well, not ALL of this post is bad!

WHEN I AM MAKING SERMONIZING STATEMENTS LIKE THIS, those are usually pretty good. even the righteous anger ones. there is nothing inherently negative about righteous anger!

despair, however, yes. that is INHERENTLY BAD.

righteous anger good. despair bad.

so, when i am going into despair or other negative realm, then switch it with something positive: thinking of this wholesome woman, statements of righteous anger, powerwalking, or something productive like Job Searching. cranking out the Apps. getting closer to 500-600. how about 550 hahahahahaha.

job apps themselves cause both righteous anger (good) and despair (bad.) i guess the solution there is, once again, maximize the good and minimize the bad.

turn the brain from a negative thought machine, to a negative thought killing machine!!!!!

so here is a remaster of ulvers classic nattens madrigal. i dont usually like remasters and i dont have anything against the intentionally raw production of the original, which is really not that bad………BUT my concern is literally for hearing and ear health. you could literally damage your hearing with this album, even though it is actually very clear in terms of being able to comprehend and ingest the music. and is quite listenable!

but that high end is just so maxed out that it hurts the ear. i feel this 2014 remaster might be a bit more forgiving while jsut as listenable.

its also got demo versions of some of the tracks which is great. the demos sound great EXCEPT they dont have any vocals, and garm was truly a gifted BM singer.

it just sucks thinking that all of your life goals:  getting a good waifu, having children, and having a job to support that family that doesnt drive you to self-destructive madness, that all these goals are out of your reach. the best you can hope for is a 12 dollar an hour deadend job and then you get your outside-of-work satisfaction by smoking MJ, powerwalking, listening to podcasts and music, and dnating to 1488 causes. which are not bad things, well probably the MJ is, but you just cant stop thinking about the nice waifu and the family you want to have, but youre just too old and fooked up to be able to attain that.

ok stop those are despairing thoughts, lets replace them with righteous anger or job seraching or powerwalking or other positive thoughts or actions.

well i just came back from a 4.2 miles powewalk. listened to natt’s alcoholocaust ep 1 which wasnt as good as i expected. its just a mess and i cant even understand the bantz. i mean these are all good guys but still.

garm was 20 years old when they did nattens madrigal damn. now did he actually write the guitar riffs and such? i mean that is pretty important to me hahahaha. or was it that guy haavard who went on to do nothing special afterwards? i am sure garm knows how to handle a guitar, its really not hard, the important thing is having some sense of songwriting skill, which i never really had, and which i am sure he does.

ok i am gonna apply to this health system job, and while doing so, update my cover letter, which will add about 15 minutes or 10 to the apply time, but i have to measure this WORK somehow. because it is important, measureable, billable, measureable, timeable work that I am totally entitled to COUNT.

un fooking believeable. a super huge application, already at 45 minutes, longest ever, doing a phaggy ass personality test and intelligence test, when the internet goes out in the middle of the test. i am actually happy to do intelligence tests to prove that i am intelligent, and if it gives me like a 1 in 10 chance of getting an interview (as opposed to the usual 1 in 25 chance)….but god damn this is frustrating.

had to reboot compt to get internet connected again. i blame windows 10. 77 minutes total. a new record!

ok. assuming 15% of the job application time could be added to calculated how much time it takes to FIND the jobs (ie, going through lists, reading postings, and decided yes i should apply, vs, no way, dont even waste your time), in other words, about 2 minutes for every 13 minute application, ie 15 minutes total; and 1.5 hours spent on each interview (prob a little low tbh; we are including travel time, interview time, and im not sure about prep/study time), for 18.5 interviews, and 418 applications, we are up to  132 hours total for the entire job search. really a little LOW tbh fam. on $1716 worth of time at $13 an hor, although more realistically my price should be more like 12 an hour.

sorry i meant 419 jobs so far. please dont fire me.

so i was listening to the am grey podcast on feminism, and adams waifu said she was disturbed seeing a man and a woman holding hands where the womans hand was on top, and they used that as a powerful symbol that men are passive and not leading anymore.

i thought DAMN, the women I’ve been associated with would just DUMP ME before even GETTING to that point!!!!!

they wouldnt stick around long enough to LET that happen! they would have ALREADY dumped me for being a wimpy passive spineless doormat!

so why are these women not just walking out on these men? wouldn’t they get disgusted the first time they put their hand on top, and say, im done with you, you weak wimp?

that was what i was asking. i have been dumped for MUCH LESS. why are these women staying with these phaggots in the first place?

i cant even remember how i held hands with women, its been like 11 years since i held hands with a woman hahahaha.

saw a profile picture on soundcloud of somebody who photoshopped dat boi into the famous vietnam photo of the running people being napalmed and the little naked girl. dat boi had replaced the naked girl.

ok finally found it


YOURE WELCOME hahahahaha

updated Standard Cover Letter with Sentence explaining Employment Gap. ok there. not much more I can do about that. But I think its a small, maybe larger than small, improvement on something that was already damn good and should be more than enough to get me a 13 an hour job.

ok i swear i wont go lower than 12 an hour hahahaha.  so i guess i am at 12-13 now depending on my mood hahahaha.

good thing SHE is making like 16 an hour!

but i dont know that!

but there’s a 75% chance she is!

ok so what does it MATTER then?

because like i said 100000000000000000 times, i dont like her BEATING me at the game of life!

why not?

because i hate her proving she is BETTER than me.  because it adds INSULT TO INJURY.


because she injured me, now she is insulting me.


see now we are getting into the circular part.

yeah i know THEORETICALLY it doesnt matter.

but IN THE REAL WORLD, it ABSOLUTELY DOES MATTER how much money people make, and how women view men who make less money than they do. they view them as totally worthless and inferior.

i dont view people in those terms. but im not a woman. im not PROGRAMMED to care about status in that way!

i mean as a male i do care about ranking and hierarchy………but not in that same visceral sexual or loving way. i know what peoples status is In The Real World, but I know it has no real bearing on their worth as a person.

but it has VERY REAL BEARING on their worth in the MATING MARKET!!!!!!!!1

and the mating market is VERY important to me because one of my MAIN LIFE GOALS is to find  a good wife and have CHILDREN!!!!!!!!

so thats WHY all this shit MATTERS so much!!!!!!!

i am apparently an abuser because i notice slutty behavior and call sluts sluts. thats what abusers do. nonabusers dont have the word slut in their vocabulary hahahaha.


sept 12

ok. go to sears and MAYBE kohls to get t shirts.

go to jcpenney or sears for pants and shoes.

get wrangler khakis/chinos and wrangler jeans.

try to Hem your own Pant Legs at like 28 inches hahahahahahahhahaha manlet 4 lyfe.

i am not sure what exactly chinos means.

it would be really sad if the BEST woman I can find is one who is totally not into me.

i just hate how women GET OVER men so quickly. like in a few weeks tops, theyve already forgotten about you and are FOOKING other men.

i say its not REAL feelings unless it takes you at LEAST a YEAR of celibacy to get over the person.

of course i should go on okcupid and tinder and look for disgusting fatherless white trash whores to bang!!!!!! its been over a YEAR! you think a WOMAN would wait over a YEAR to start fooking new coch? fook no! in most cases they are taking new coch in a few WEEKS!!!!!

would this all be easier to deal with if i had some FWB slut? YES, PROBABLY!

yes that is degenerate, but look at the long term goal: better relations with women, more confidence with women, better chance at pulling GOOD women, and more confidence in the short term too!

who needs hookers when you have normie western sluts?

i mean it would SUCK if That Woman was the best woman I ever experienced. Technically Woman2012 was a better woman than her: lower n, and absolutely no relship experience, better family, much better father, generally conservative and moral minded, no MJ, etc.

heh there is a TRS forum user who actually lives in my exact town, and is a mid 40s woman. unbelievable. should i meet up with her and see if she is a MILF hahahahaha? i mean lets say she is in the LATER 40s.

yeah i would totally bang a milf but i wouldnt want to Mongo Date a Milf! want to date a 25 year old YOUNG woman and have CHILDREN!!!!!!

(not that 25 is super young, but its around the youngest I could pull realistically, and it was around the age That Woman was too. i mean she is getting older now of course hahahaha. )

also, rest assured that I would not DEFILE a woman who had not already been defiled. I would always used the Campsite Rule. Besides I know it’s all Muh Dick Ingra-ness and I dont want to go too far down that road. but I really do want some positive attention from women, to feel like I have something that is attractive to some women at least, and that i am at least desirable enough to Bang Sluts!!!!!!

but not a degen amount of sluts. just a few. less than average. average is TOO degen.

well this moron thinks she looks great obese so…..i was hoping she was “just” a bit overweight and he wanted her to lose some weight



she is by OP’s admission “much bigger” than mindy kaling, that fat streetshitter pig hahahaha. hahaha no mindy kaling isnt THAT fat, shes just super annoying and obnoxious.  yeah i would probably bang her too.

anyway i just want to emphasize that i knew shit was going downhill with that woman, but i did NOT expect the falling out to happen the way it did. I completely expected she would respond to communicate with me in some way, probably by bitching at me like i was the bad guy hahahahaha. i did NOT expect what happened AT ALL. was really caught off guard there.

ok time to listen to arcturus

we are all overly familiar with this album, well i only ever knew 2 or 3 songs off it, and I was looking for something with hellhammer’s drum playing where his drum sound was not all overproduced as fook and you could actually appreciate his skills as a very skillful human drummer. who does not look like a norwegian at all hahahahahaha.

i dont think mayhem is the best vehicle for him so im glad he plays in 9000000 other bands. im not sure what would be the best vehicle for him. i think he would have been a good match for emperor post-faust.

anyway maybe i jsut hate women. well i admitted i was in a women hating phase! i listend to that crusader girl and i didnt really like her. i dont want to be LECTURED to by some 17 year old twit hahahahaha. im old enough to be your father. dont bitch about your parents being “cucks”, i dont care if they are. and yeah it does sound unladylike when you swear. and yeah your voice sounds like a bitchy dumb 17 yo gurl.

then i listened to nationalist review wsg evalion and i had the same issues with HER. i dont like that cutesy wutesy kawaii type girly voice. but is this just NORMAL for 17 year old gurls?

they sound like CHILDREN!

but these children fook MEN in totally degen ways!!!

and it seems kinda perverted to fook gurls who seem like CHILDREN!

I never thought I’d hear ME say this, me who prefers Younger Women!

either way, i could not determine whether i just hate all women…..or these two alt right racist women had some quality about them which i did not like.

but that’s true! they just came across as dumb, obnoxious, annoying, rude, immature, and unlikable!!!!!!!!!!!

So is that what ALL WOMEN are like?

And no i dont think these traits are associated with racist alt right women, just rather just with young, immature, possibly crazy, narcissistic women.

That Woman did not annoy me like that. She had a somewhat squeaky voice but it sounded nice and she didnt have that annoying Vocal Fry which 50% of women have and makes them sound like idiot sluts.

so do women in general just trigger me? maybe. that i cant even stand to hear them talk without getting triggered and annoyed?

Well I listen to real life women talking pretty much every week and it doesnt really TRIGGER me!!!!

ok nicolas cage has a son named weston who was the singer of a black metal band called “eyes of noctum” where hellhammer played drums on their album hahahahahahaha

i dunno. when i went on my big social thing last week there was a lot of women there and i got kinda annoyed at the obnoxious things they said and though JEEZ thank GOD Im not married to THEM! I wouldnt want to be!

then they later said things or I had a small talk with them and I was like, well, they’re really not that bad after all. so, its really hard to tell when you are not actually talking to the women. in other words, if i were to actually talk to evalion or crusader girl grace, i might actually like them moar. but i am not going to be talking to them in person anytime soon!

also, men don’t  really need you to do that.

took one half a dose of nyquil. i determined that full dose is just too much, simply because you are sluggish for 24 fookin hours. so i figure half dose, 12 hours, that should be good enough.

so yeah. i dunno these girls just dont seem really NICE. I want a gurl to be NICE and these gurls seem bitchy. thats really all there is too it. they seem bitchy and narcissistic. i am a total narcissist, but i will tell you straight up, and also i know its bad.

also anyone who puts their face out their on the internet and sayd 1488 heil hitler gtkrwn, ummmmmm that is a signal about their level of cautiousness. I prefer women who are more cautious rather than less cautious. what ELSE is she not being CAUTIOUS about?

its GOOD for women to be CAUTIOUS!!!! err on the side of caution!!!!!!

most men who get into 1488 show caution!!!!!!


I have listened to HOURS of men talking, but I have never seen their faces, and I am very ok with that! Fatherland Jim and Bradan, 7th Son, K1ke Enoch, No1 Ryan. I want them to hide their faces so they can provide for their families. people who show their faces are usually a little bit more of a LOOSE CANNON.

unless they are like anglin or weev, who i think have earned the privilege to show their faces. or Woes.

But Evalion or Crusader Gurl are NOTHINGGGGGG like Anglin, Weev, or Woes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

George Feels shows his face……..but he doesnt talk about 1488. I think he is sympathetic to the Alt Right, tho. but he’ll never talk about 1488 and i don’t expect him too.

so, in short, I think there is a personality thing about THESE WOMEN that I don’t like…….not some kind of blanket hate I have for All Women, always.

spet 13

ok gotta get with the program here. honestly. got to get back on the horse and jobsearching. got to get to 500 jobs, 25 interviews.

it doesnt matter if i hate all women. even total woman haters need to get jobs hahahahaha.

also, i was kind of a woman hater when i became friends with her. i was joking, yeah i am a total woman hater, i dont usually get along with women this well, so you must be special. i wasnt entirely joking! but the women i get along with dont believe such a NICE GUY like me can be a woman hater hahahahaha.

ok. so what would make me satisfied for today re job apps. 5? 10?  theoretically, if i cant do like 32 apps a day, then i am totally worthless bum.  sheeeeeeeit i think my max is 8.

ok lets aim for 4.

ok got the 400th job in. i think i was scared of this auspicious number. so i blew it on an inauspicious job, a 13 dollar data entry job for durable medical equipment benefits management company hehehehehe. that prob wont call me hahaha.

ok. 3 more.

slavros the founder of iron march is an asian looking UZBEK? i cant even hahahahaha. i do not need this right now. well thats just want encyclopedia dramatica says. but just because i disagree wtih ED ideologically, does that mean they dont do accurate investigative reporting??!?!?!?!! so what if he IS an uzbek!

should i apply to a job at a J00ISH social services place? i mean it literally has the word J00ISH in its name. I am surprised they are located where they are located. I think this location serves mainly poor blacks hahahaha. do i really want to do this? but its super close by.

ok applied at the J))ISH place. OY VEY. that was the 401st. the 6,000,001st hahahahahaha. i mean i am gonna be a wagie for the K1KES anyway. slaving all day, white cattle for the K!KES.

some autists say that ABA therapy is “ABUSE” and cannot qualify that any further, in that smug tone like if you NEED it explained, youre a privileged white idiot. if you need it explained how you benefit from white privilege, you are part of the problem, not the solution. its not my job to educate you! educate YOURSELF!!!!!!! i spend my time fighting oppression, not educating privileged people!!!!!

i bring this up because i see ABA jobs all the time and i think, hmm, maybe i should get into that. i can relate to AUTISTS. I am almost autistic myself!!!!!

ok applied to the ABA job. there was a really really cute gurl on the website that was a staff member. cute fookin gurls who get psychology and social work degrees. i have a similar useless degree but i never Aggressively Pursued Graduate work in the field.

the gurl staffer they showed on the website was so qt that i could easily fall in luv with a coworker like that hahahahaha.

but if she was already attached, and the good ones all are, i guess it really wouldnt matter, because i dont interfere with good relships. if it were a bad relship i would encourage her to dump him and get with me.

anyway. i just hate being destroyed in muh heart, as well as having her humiliate me in my working life as well. she is making good money and moving up, i am struggling to get back into damn 20k a year no benefits jobs at the org where i first met HER four damn years ago!!!!!!!!

i have had at least 3 interviews with various depts at this org and nothing. all damn 11-12 dollar part time jobs. yes i already asked my actual previous employer for my old job back and no response there, and i am not gonna beg them any more, so i am looking at the other many departments in this org.

heh. meeting her set me back FOUR YEARS of my life hahahahahahahahahaha. i wish i had never met her!

i hate people who move forward instead of backward hahahahaha.

we shouldnt even be competing against WOMEN at the WORKPLACE anyway. but we have to because j00s. i just hate when i am humiliated at the workplace by a woman and a woman i was once close with totally PWNS me work wise: respect, money, status, stress.

i can honestly say i wish i never met her. four years of muh life WASTED. LOST 4EVER. She can’t say the same about the guy she was in a LTR with for 4 years. They had a good rel for a while, she experienced a lot of firsts, it went through the Real Relship Life Cycle (NOT the 20X speed Fast Forward Simulator!!!!), it ran its course, learned a lot of things, and semi amicably go their separate ways. also he benefited HER career by getting her the job, and she is taking that job to the next level. he benefited her life in a permanent way in that way. also I think SHE encouraged him and supported him to get some education/training so he could get his job in the first place.

its so weird seeing women asking for advice on how to work things out. why didnt they just walk away at the first sign of difficulty and say UGH. this is too much. Im out of here. Its hard for me to imagine a woman who doesn’t want to walk out at the first sign of difficulty.  and she stood by him when he was getting difficult.

but i can honestly say i wish i never met her, she left no permanent benefit on my life, it WASNT nice knowing her. well it WAS, but now that HAUNTS me, as something I had once, and can never get back.

its just not good for the confidence to be never given a CHANCE. there has literally never been a woman who wanted more than a short term fling with me. the idea of long term rel with me makes them recoil in horror and disgust.

i listened to some more evalion and i just dont like that super girly voice. you can have a high pitched woman voice and not sound like THAT. and the laughing. the way these women LAUGH at things trigger me. it just makes me think of them being cheats and liars and phonies, just totally making a FOOL out of some foolish guy whos in luv with her. HURTING guys and breaking hearts. that’s what I hear in their Phony Voices!!!!!!!

i didnt get any of that bad shit from her though. she really did have something i really liked. when she laughed and talked, it didn’t sound like that.

but some women are like, yeah im not IN luv with him any more, but i luv him and he’s muh best friend and i want to dump him but i dont want to hurt him because he’s such a good guy and i dont want to break his heart. i wish she had thought that way about me!!!!!!!!! i dont want to break his heart because i Luv Him As A Person, but I just can’t do that kind of rel! hey that would have been SWEET. AWESOME.

i still get angry at the hospital who called me in for the part time 12 dollar job and then cut the interview off right in the middle of the first question. come on. am i really THAT impressive? I guess people can tell that I “sound smart” right away. I sound a hell of a lot smarter than THAT WOMAN, who sounds kinda STUPID, yet shes moving up and im moving down. FOOK.

yet i dont sound smart in any way thats beneficial to me, ie getting me a job. dont you want smart people? sure, but they also dont want weirdos with a huge gap. so push this guy outta here with flattery of how smart he is.

well, it IS important to me that I am smart, because I WANT to be thought of as smart, so the flattery kind of works…..but i also am sick of doing 18.5 interviews and just want a goddamn job already!

and then i can worry about not going crazy and being able to stay Mentally Tough enough to keep the job for a year hahahahahaha.


see this woman is thinking about “GHOSTING” this guy but I think it would probably be warranted because he sounds like a POS who is lying to her and still in luv with his ex gf from 5 years ago hehehehe.

i didnt do anything like this! i just had the Gall to Get Feelings!

just treat me like a damn human being! thats all! treat the guys you dump and cheat on and throw away like human beings!!!!! thats all i ask!!!!! take them serious as serious, real human beings!!!!!

heheheh well at least i applied for 6 jobs today and going for a 7th. it tends to make me angry and upset about Jobs….and also about her too hahahahaha. lose lose. lose lose lose lose lose situation.  people who only have lose lose sitations are PRIVILEGED, probably white privilege hahaha. dfdf


see SHE is getting hung up on HIM, overanalyzing the why, and is upset because shes been doing this for 4 months. hehehehe. try a YEAR. well im glad it actually bothers her at ALL and she hasnt jumped on new dick within 4 months. that makes her better than 90% of women ahhahaahhaha.

how many STUPID MISTAKES does a person need to make? basically fooking 10 guys during college because you were young and immature and didnt know what you wanted.


I learned a lot of valuable lessons and i didnt even FOOK the women! Also, some of the women were Good, Decent women who would have been Great for me……..they just didnt want to be with me, so it never started.

I didnt need to BANG 10 SLUTS to figure out what i wanted, if a person was a good or bad fit.

so why did your slut gurl have to bang 10 chads in her early 20s???????



you really dont even need to add ONE, but I will tolerate 2 or 3 “mistakes.”



so yeah i hate when women make excuses for other women to be huge sluts from 18 to 25. you dont need to fook TEN guys. and in many cases more.




is the point I was trying to make with that.

basically women are sheep that go along with the Tone set by their President hahaha. So since we have a marxist president who is all i luv gays and hate whites, normie basic women luv gays and hate whites.

you think it was like that when Ronnie Reagan was in office? OR Tricky Dicky? HELL NO!

I….dont really remember the W years. Well, during the W years I was a filthy marxist who luved gays and hated whites!!!!!!!!!!!! And I am sorry. I am SO glad to be over that horrible phase.

july 3

had to put this one in here, kinda sums up the strengths of ritual killer. i wish sammy just incorporated this into his main band.

i think its useful to think of “bestial war black metal” when trying to put this band in context. i am still not 100% sure what that phrase even means but let’s just say it means raw, hateful, fast, somewhat “old school”, relentless etc. ugly, hateful, maybe like teitanblood or this band revenge i’ve heard a lot of good things about.

War Metal

now ritual killer is not categorized by RYM as war metal but I think a good case could be made!

axis of advance? james read? conqueror? blasphemy? sacramentary abolishment?

seems like for people who want to combine death and black metal but not in a “pussy” way hahahaha.

it is exactly the type of thing i wanted to make when i was 16 hehehe. rebel against the world sort of stuff. very hatefully.

just looking at the list of band names, album titles, album art gives you a pretty good idea.

i listened to the first ritual killer and it was so muddy sounding it was hard to enjoy. the second album, which ive been listenind to a lot of, has a much better enjoyable sound.

also it has tons of catchy riffs, all the songs are made of catchy riffs rather than a fuzzy, muddy, samey wall of sound, which i dont want. i want catchy heavy riffs. not people who got falling down sloppy drunk and decided to write the most extreme music ever about blasphemousgoatsodomybloodwhiskeyvomit. i like more fascist stuff about war and jackboots marching and mass graves and survival of the fittest with violent, fast, but catchy riffs, that aren’t so muddy that they stop being really heavy or catchy.

need something a LITTLE more serious that cares about songs and riffs. obviously i trust sammy d to do this! and it basically makes goatwh0re look safe and polished and vanilla and has more atmosphere than latter day GW imho, who while enjoyable…..i like something a little more extreme and underground.

but i like that the second RK album is much clearer and less muddy than the first album. clearer but still raw and face ripping. it captures my hatred and rage very nicely hahaha so i have been listening to it regularly and enjoying it more and more.

yes they are degenerates hehehe.

i imagine the Mosh Pit for Ritual Killer would be ridiculous as fook, ideally.

might just be the record of the…..season for me hehehehe.  summer 2016.

more extreme and underground and poseur-slaying than goatwh0re, which look like nickelback by comparison hahahaha.

it absolutely is related to blast beats. goatwhore has cut down on blast beats and RK has plenty of them. in every song. also a little rawer in production, yet still very heavy. wish i could say the same about the first album, which on the first listen, is just too muddy. much harder to enjoy the riffs. i never liked muddy.

this looks possibly promising

seems like goatwh0re is lumped in with “blackened death metal for poseurs” like behemoth or belphegor. or Babbys First blackened Death metal, then if youre Tr00, you graduate to more kvlt stuff like this WAR metal hehehe.

heh i should be a metal producer obviously. then i would be like hay guise you know your riffs are boring and stupid, why dont you try a little harder and bring me something GOOD.  dont you have any PRIDE in your WORK? you do WORK thats this shitty at your JOB? then your customers and your managers should be BITCHING at your constantly because this is SHIT and you shoudlnt be getting PAID for this! have some PRIDE in your WORK! You’re a white man aren’t you? Youre not an ingra are you? How can you think this shit is GOOD? You want a PRIZE for taking a disgusting tacobell shit? you present that to someone youre trying to IMPRESS and say gimme praise and plaudits for this SHITE?!?!?!?!


this is not a WAR METAL album but it comes close to what I am looking for, and I think even WAR METAL purists would agree that this album should get an honorable mention. Angelcorpse is about as KVLT as it gets and everyone agrees they were ahead of their time in combining death and black metal with ferocious speed and violence and aggression and hatefulness hehehehe. I particularly remember this album because I was very into metal in 1999 and they played some of this on the local Underground Metal Radio Show that ran once a week, broadcast out of a local high school. that was kind of a big Cultural Thing, considering we didnt Stream Shit on the Internet back then. You had to tie up your momz phone line for an hour to download a 30 second darkthrone clip hahahaha. this radio show was where i first heard this album, also the death album “sound of perserverance” which came out around that time, uhhh i heard hypocrisy “the final chapter”, some in flames possible “whoracle”, deicide “serpents of the light”. and well 17 years later its this angelcorpse which still sounds the most exxxxtreme hehehe.

at the time i was like WOW that’s just too much for me, i couldn’t take a whole album of that hehehehe. but I never forgot about it.

of courshe pete helmkamp has a VERY good reputation with his 14 bands, I am sure I would find other good stuff if I stuck with him.

so what skills ARE employers looking for, that they cant fill jobs, but there are thousands of long term employed out there? ok i get that you have to put forth the THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS and THOUSANDS OF HOURS to TRAIN YOURSELF by paying for long collegelike training programs, because companies arent gonna do that FOR you……but how and where do you take like robotics training classes?

so and so took a robotics training course and immediately found a job making 18 bucks an hour.

i bet he has had secs in the last 12 years too hahahaha.

did you have to pay 14k dollars for 1000 hours of training so you could be qualified to enter a 14 dah hvac tech job, in 1980?

gotta smoke MJ and listen to WAR metal

so this is revenge playing live. sometimes they have the aforementioned helmkamp playing with them. but not on this show. the drummer j read has a reputation as a beast. he also plays with axis of advance and conquest and prob some other bandz. ok the guitar player was also in axis of advance. so revenge is kinda a contiuation of that band.

anyway i guess that would be a fun show.

i hate looking at job postings and thinking “I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT.” asking for 2 to 3 to 5 years of experience in something i have NO idea what it is.  that i have never heard of in my life. just to get a 14 dollar an hour job. and the ingras at macdonalds want 15 an hour!

or 80% of jobs dont even list a wage or salary. i think this is stupid because they could easily dissuade people like me from applying for a job by saying it pays liek 45k. then i wont even APPLY.

so THEN you have to look at Glassdoor and look up that job in your area and then you get a HUGE range and of course you should look at the minimum.

and be aware if this is a “contingent” or “flex” or “casual” or “noncareer” or “support” or “as needed” or “PRN” or “floating” position. because then you might get paid 15 an hour, but you wont get any bennies, and you sure as hell wont get a regular schedule.

went for 4.6 mile walk, listened to ritual killer, axis of advance, and angelcorpse.

the axis of advance (obey) was pretty ridiculous. yeah that james read is a beast and I liked the natural, untriggered sound of the drums. but I couldnt tell if he was playing slightly sloppy, or really, really good hehehehe. no doubt he is ambitious. but is he punching above his weight? a rockstar only in his own mind? or is he actually good? i think he is actually good, but I am so used to hearing fast drummers be all overproduced, and his wheelhouse is perhaps underproduced. which is my wheelhouse too. but the guitars are very low tuned and muddy. and i have a hard time with muddy. anyway it was fun just to listen to him spazz out. you gotta have a real hardon for drumz like I do, cuz it is hard to discern the riffs.

as i was walking around i saw alot of people partying around the neighborhood because it is 4th of july weekend. so i felt lonely and wished i had some frands to do something fun with on 4th of july hehehe maybe even a special woman to spend time with, certainly many other people are spending the holiday with their frands and special wimmin.

but at the moment i am distant from all muh frands. the only person i feel like being close with is HER…..and i havent talked to her in a YEAR! even muh frands i am not really close with.

the customer service GURU shep hyken, what do you mean you never heard of him, then you dont deserve to make 20k a year! i dont care if hes a joo if he can help me SURVIVE and WITHSTAND at muh horrible cust service job! you think that woman has ever read anything liek this?!/!/1/1 hell no she just sucks dicks and says someone else do this idk lol just go with the flow slurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp daddys cvmmies!!!!1

listened to the angelcorpse album above, forgot how the guitar is “Phasery” and seems to go whooooosh in and out, which kind of reminds me of morbid angel “covenant” which is also a good album, but that guitar sound is weird. it sounds better when there is fast tremolo picking or noisy squealing solos. in other places it sounds very clean and not very heavy. kinda weird.

but the drums are insane out of this world! great drum performance here by tony laureano, great drum sound too. one for the ages. classic. the guy is a BEAST.

heh. i guess besides playing with 20 million death and black metal bands, he is also drum tech for megadeth and has recently been playing live with megadeth, but dave mustaine just hasnt found out who this guy really is, and also that he possibly played with satanic groups, which dave does not like now that hes a born against cuckstian hahahaha. but i think would be funny if laureano plays with megadeth the same way he plays on this angelcorpse album hehehehe. ie face melting blast beats.

real fookin interesting amirite? who cares hahahaha.

so. 30 to 40 years ago the normal woman would have just SCOFFED at Gay Marriage in a way that would now be considered Totally Literally Homophobic. They would go EW GROSS UM NO. NO JUST NO. UM YEAH NO.

But now they view you as a Bigot if you are not a Gay Cheerleader!

It’s tempting to see this as a sign that women are Morally Weak.

well…..when realyl what it is, is they Go Along With The Mainstream. They are the world’s worst conformists.

In other words, if we had a Trumpenfuhrer or more Right Wing administration in office, I GUARANTEE you normie women wouldnt be CHEERLEADING gays so much. and that can happen in just a few short years.


I say SLOW DOWN, CALM YER TITS. yes women are herd lemming sheep and this can lead them into the mouth of degeneracy, but as long as they dont open their wombs to 10 different men, then i bet the SAME women who do stupidass Facebook Rainbow Flagtivism, would, under Better Leadership, sing the praises of One Man One Woman and the Tradfam.

anyway tony laureano might play in more of a controlled, accurate manner than j read, but j read is definitely more violent and aggressive. i bet laureano is one of those guy who looks like he’s barely moving as he plays br00tal 300 bpm blasts hehehe. NOT THAT THERES ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT. but j read really embodies the idea of ATTACKING the drums, his word not just mine. And referring to himself as the “HATEHAMMER”. I have to wonder how serious they are about this “Superion” thing. It is a very darwinist, weed out the week, might is right, ragnar redbeard sort of view combined with very hateful humanity-hating misanthropy which seems kinda nihilistic. I imagine it HAS to be somewhat of an act, and I do like the act, but I wonder if these guys aren’t alcoholic degenerates in real life, heheheehhe.

whereas pete helmkamp has his “heretic supremacy” and “way of the conqueror” which is similar, but he actually seems like a normal guy who has a sense of humor and a wife and I would BET is less degenerate personally. than 45 year old men that talk about hateful violence and power and dominating and exterminating the weak and seem very humorless hehehehehe.

they see no point to kindness or luv or goodness and praise evil because it is destructive and destroys the weak bla bla bla. it is about as hardcore of an image as like early mayhem or some shit. i mean i hope for the sake of their SOULS they are not like this in real life.  because i do not like seeing talented white men not having children, or wasting their lives on nihilism and drugs.

yes i know there is a BLACK guy in the black metal band blasphemy, which is kinda the godfather of this whole “ross bay cult” scene which revenge and conquerer and j read is a part of. i guess they hang out in graveyards and do blood ritual and they are black metal “skinheads”. very interesting scene I only recently became aware of.

near victoria and maybe vancouver. sheeit I just thought the town was full of FOB Asians hahaha.

this is the album that started it all. black metal skinheads. they also like POWERLIFTING hehehe. one guy went to the psych ward. another went to jail for punching out a cop and now they cant come to the US hahaha. apparently somebody K’d themself at one of their shows. their shows are legendary and turn into full blown riots.

you probably have to be drunk or st0ned to enjoy it hahahaha i have  not even listened to it.

also i am confused that there is a Black guy in the band (“Caller of the Storms”). Well he seems truly into it so good for him.


well whats HER side of the story?

probably that I got out of control, too weird, too much to handle, and she just couldnt handle me being so damn weird and overbearing and was better off without me. sometimes it reaches a point where you decide taht your life would be better without a certain person in it.

well i say that works for the best when both parties agree on that. i desperately wanted her to stay in my life because she made my life WAY better. and I made HER life WAY worse. heartbreak waiting to happen.

it just sucks when you make someones life worse, and THEY make your life better, and they kick you out of their life because you make their life worse. with absolutely NO regard to the pain that causes you. like you can SAY something like “now, dont take this the wrong way, im not kicking you out of my life because you make my life worse, its not your FAULT, its just that I cant do this rel, I dont have what youre looking for, im sorry.” nope you dont even get that.

uhh maybe click on the topmost link int he indeed list so when you reload the page when you get up the next day, you can see where the list ended the last time you looked at it, the visited link will show up as purple.

you can also use advanced search to filter out agencies.

i have not filtered them out, but i kind of want to.

but there will definitely be come a time where I dont want to filter them out. when I am moar desperate haha.

is there any “WAR METAL” made by Purely Nondegenerate Fascists? This WAR METAL is obviously linked with Fascism, but Tr00 fascists are not tattooed, drunkard degenerates who hate everything. They love their race and maybe their nation. they have a RaHoWa to bring abotu these glorious ideals. they are not glorifying destruction and death itself. They glorify the TRIUMPH of The Good Guys and the destruction of The Bad Guys.

so yeah while i like the tough guy shit of j read and revenge, i want something a bit more……i dunno. “serious”? Its hard to say they arent SERIOUS. well how about Less Degenerate? people who live up to rigorous Character standards.

ok skinheads used to represent The White Working Class, then got coopted by neo nazi gangs and fat skinhead rednecks. degenerates on meth and booze.

so……how about we get principled, non-degen, non-tattooed, drug-free, working-class, family men skinheads?

well dressed, well spoken, no tattoos, but still have short hair and working class jobs.

in other words, dont look like the ETERNAL ADOLESCENTS which is what METAL is. talk about ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT hahahaha.  and i am NOT talking about the j00ish tv show!

so….fascist war metal played by fine upstanding fashy goys who are well-groomed skinheads? i guess.

fascist war metal played by people that look like a fascist martial industrial neofolk band hahahaha.

just look how they use the WORD “fascist”: like “bigot” or “racist” or “pedophile”, its used as a SYNONYM for bad evil horrible person. which of course a paedophile IS…but NOT a bigot or a racist!

got to reclaim words like fascist, bigot, racist!

someone calls you racist, you say THANK YOU!

or you say SO WHAT? is that supposed to be a BAD thing? Shit YEAH Imma Raciss!

though the guys in ritual killer are a bunch of tattooed degenerates, i was happy to see them in some pictures holding Huge Guns, like very intimidating AR15 type guns. This generally sends the message that you are one of the Good Guys hahahaha.

white men who buy AR15’s are probably the type of people you want to be hanging out with. well just watch out cuz your tradwife might LEAVE YOU for them hahahaha.

basically metal that could be played during “TRIUMPH OF THE WILL.”

You seriously need to watch TRIUMPH OF THE WILL on a weekly basis. I need to watch it a lot more. I havent seen it in YEARS. I recall it being very uplifting and powerful. I should watch more of leni riefenstahl’s stuff. is it any good? she is a woman!!!!!!

yeah i had a fantasy about smonking MJ and cuddling up with That Woman and watching triumph of the will……or ANY movie or TV really. the main idea was smokin MJ and Cuddling while watching something. all the better if it were something GOOD like TRIUMPH OF THE WILL, THE BEST MOVIE EVAR.


this is the sentiment that is missing in some of the hail destruction and death and get drunk metal hehe. we are, or at least the nondegenerate of us, are STRIVING towards a GOAL. towards a huhwhyte ethnostate with healthy huhwhyte families. where our women are not degenerate wh0res and our men are not sissy neet phaggot losers.

i listened to some of that blasphemy, it was ok, it actually was not as bad as I thought it would be hehehe. the production was ridiculous and I could not discern any of it. Really you just need to play it LOUD, which simply cant be done on headphones. again, i’m sure live is the best way to experience it.

which reminds me. like 7 or 8 years ago I saw the kvlt death thrash satanic metal band NUNSLAUGHTER which is i guess kinda related to the idea of drunken degenerates hailing satan and goats and vests covered in patches and they swill beer and headbang and act like big drunken children hahaha.

anyway I never really cared for nunslaughter on record, but live they were excellent and put on an outstanding show, even though I didnt really know any of their songs except the one where the singer says “I AM DEATHHHHHH” or something hahahaha.

anyway im sure they like blasphemy.

i didnt notice any superfast blast beats in the blasphemy album. but it was still moderately enjoyable. total drunk metalheads in vests with patches and goats type stuff.

i sort of enjoyed seeing that at shows, but i was never really a part of that either. i wasnt that social hehehe. plus drinking is a big part of that.

plus people one upping each other with kvlt vinyl and patches of bands where im like yeah, i only like a couple bands in this style. and i am such a big poseur I like melody hehehe. shit i like at the gates and dark tranquillity hahaha. so im not that KVLT in other words.

i fit in better with normies than with that.

i fit in with HER very well, better than i had fit in with anybody in ages. again its really hard for me to CONNECT and FIT IT with people. but with her I did. and that was VERY valuable to be. I lost something of great value to me and it was VERY painful to me. I just wish it was painful for her too. That I meant something and was WORTH something to her too, and that she SHOWED that.

listened to more of the axis of advance “obey” album. It is weird. i have this fixation on this j read all of the sudden. which is fine. but its a lot to take it. definitely a very unique style. makes you look at the drums differently. he does some things which i have never heard before. but i can’t tell how “sloppy” he is. i hate sloppy. generally. if he’s sloppy, he’s not super sloppy, if anything, its a matter of biting off more than he can chew, aiming very high. i mean he is already moving around like animal or keith moon or something. like if keith moon played tons of blast beats hehehehe. its interesting but its tiring to listen to music that is so CHAOTIC.

also the sound is so raw on the axis of advance, its hard to tell the riffs. and the guitars are VERY low tuned. im not even sure if they’re MUDDY per se.

also there are not that many NORMAL parts where he’s NOT playing a blast beat.

so yeah I def want to check out more of his work. obv i like extreme drummers and he is synonymous with that. i wonder if he is bipolar hahahahaa. PROBABLY.  what kind of wimmin does he go out with hahaha. is he a degenerate in real life. PROBABLY.

he’s an INTERESTING GUY, and a very interesting Metal Drummer. But I gotta be careful not to get TOO much of a mancrush on him!!!

better to have a mancrush on mikko aspa, at least he has a nationalist band and likes evola hahahaha. maybe he stopped making pornographic movies hahaha. i mean im not sure how j00ish the pornography wast





june 15

had a dream with the PREVIOUS woman, woman 2012. where i was making out with her and getting ready to STICK IT IN, and she was like oh yeah stick it inme hahahaha she was very ready and willing. now she was not a slutty or secsual gurl at all, almost asexual. but i liked that she could be horny for me hehe. of course in real life she had no such interest in me. she was always nice to me and even hung out with me on occasion but we never became super close friends. i was always way more interested than she was but she was too nice and inexperienced to say say yeah i just dont want to hang out as much as you do.

well eventually she figured it out and was mature and courageous enough to say something and i said yep yeah you figured me out, i like u, aw shucks. and that was the end of that. but i appreciated that she was open and communicative and mature about it, so there was no real hard feelings there.

i would MUCH rather have a secsy dream with HER than ANY sort of dream with THAT WOMAN! hahaha.

aw sheeeeit. meeting with stupid tech recruiter, my least favorite kind of people, in 2 days. I am doing it just to keep practicing interviews, and i will be sure to tell him NO CALL CENTERS. TELL HIM NO CALL CENTERS.

and then he’ll say aw shucks thats too bad, cuz all i have are call centers, as far as the eye can see.

” Not only will this person take the role of a BA, but also a System Analyst where they are creating and taking requirements, asking questions, deep diving into each requirement to understand the landscape & suggest alternatives. This is NOT a role for someone who is not comfortable working on their own. This is a non-hand holding role!!  ”


DEEP DIVING. understand the landscape. NON HAND HOLDING ROLE hahahahaha.

figure it out on your own, moron, or youre fired.

is the average american even smart and clever enough to do this? dont most people do shitty in school? how can they think on their feet where basically everything is a tough trick question? how can average proles do this? this is challenging even for average white people!

but it was fun making out with woman 2012 in the dream. she was receptive to me there, but not in the way that suggests she’s that way with tons of men.

oh dear it looks like the latest fatherland is gonna bitch about me dnating one fecking quarter hahahaha. yeah well wait till they see that I upgraded it to 2 fecking quarters. EVERY MONTH.

whatsamatter normie, your too good for neet money hahahahaha.

the host jim does like to BITCH a lot hahahaha but he’s still a good guy. I know he means well. hey you almost were a neet at one time too, GUY.  this fookin guy. go work in a call center for your family hahahaha. see if you can still do your white dadcast then. see if your wife wont abandon you because youre a nervous wreck hahaha. then you can become a neet like your brother.

got a call from a black woman at the nursing home where i applied for HR assistant. talk to them TOMORROW heh.

human resources assistant at the nursing home. where old white people go to die under the watch of NAM’s hahahaha.

well black women luv me in general. they might want to hire me as their pet white boy. and then dump shit on me hahaha.

did i mention this indian tech recruiter just called me as well. i have gotten 3 unsolicited calls today. i think it is because i recently updated my res and was active on both careerbuilder and monster.

heh. just scheduled an Interview for tomorrow and i dont even care. not even nervous.

i sent them the packet i think.

and a 4th unsolicited call from a gd tech recruiter hahahaha. fookin assholes.

fook tech, fook anything computer related, the end.  basically, if you want to talk to a tech person on the phone, you will be guaranteed that they dont know what theyre doing. nobody knows what theyre doing because the whole field is a clusterfook. the only people that do know what they are doing are like startup founders, maybe.

you dont need to train people when you can just hire good bullshitters!

these fooking RECRUITERS! its gotta be that careerbuilder and or monster. so weird i get these indian guys calling ME to try to sell me into a tech call center job hahahaha.

how are these people Finding Talent? why can’t BIG COMPANIES like XEROX do their own Talent Recruitment? They get some indian working for SilverXis Tech Recruiting to find people as quickly as possible to fill the Xerox call center. IT just confuses the HELL out of me.

i guarantee you these recruiters aren’t finding better people than the companies do.


maybe they DO find better people.

i can’t believe its because the recruiters can afford to buy access to Careerbuilder’s Secret Leads. If Bumfook Tech Recruiters of cleveland can afford access to Careerbuilder, then so can xerox. so can bla bla Expanding Growing Insurance Company. It just all sounds Fishy As Fook to me. there is SOMETHING I dont know, and I am too low to EVER know.

stupid b on viceland “states of undress” calling these russians HOMOPHOBES. they’re not AFRAID of gays, they probably dont even HATE gays, so much as  they just dont want to CELEBRATE gayness 24/7, and if you dont want to do that, then youre a homophobe. or you dont want your kids teachers to be Gay Activists.

of course you should be homeschooling your kids!

how degenerate IS the average gay? I met a few gays that weren’t that degenerate. but a lot of gays ARE degenerate or just straight up crazy. bipolar and shit. worse than WOMEN. i dont want to be encouraging these people. heh i want to ENCOURAGE them to keep it in the closet.

or how about be gay, just don’t be (overly) degenerate about it. Get married to your first secs partner and stay monogamous for life. dont rack up thousands of ay secs partners. strive for a LOW NUMBER.


Oh wow, crush on a friend, that can be rough. I had a similar situation recently and it did not end well! I eventually had to tell the person because…well, it’s complicated of course haha. I was giving pretty obvious signals and they were giving kind of obvious signals back that they were not interested in me in that way, and they just wanted me to forget about it. Of course I could not forget about it and I kept pushing them to talk to me about it, so we could have at least one big conversation about it, each of us say what we want to say, and try to move past it. I felt a great desire to talk, however she did not want to talk at all, and the friendship/relationship ended right there, with her refusing to talk to me whatsoever. I was pushy and awkward and weird, but I still feel resentful for her not talking to me. I never understood how painful the silent treatment was until I experienced this!

So to try to apply that amusing anecdote to your situation, haha. My first question is, are you showing your friend any kind of signals? For me, when I get feelings for somebody, it’s impossible to hide it. So do you think your friend knows about your feelings?

If they do, are they willing to talk about it? It will probably be a very awkward, nerve-wracking, uncomfortable conversation, but I strongly believe its one of those uncomfortable conversations that shouldn’t be avoided.

Basically I swore to myself that I would never let this happen to me again, and if I ever got feelings for a friend again, and they were acting kinda ambivalently to me, I would “blurt it out” and just tell them directly. They probably already have an idea, but they might be trying to avoid talking about it, because it’s an uncomfortable conversation. For me though, the conversation was absolutely necessary. For them, it wasn’t. Maybe you can think about how necessary such a conversation would be to you. Some people are fine just having nonverbal signals, but me personally, I need the awkward conversation to tell the whole truth with words. Your personal preferences might be different! 🙂

However I think it’s great when two people can talk about their feelings and their relationship like adults without avoiding each other, and just dealing with issues openly and honestly.

I can definitely understand your feelings, all too well!! And I would definitely feel horrible if my crush was not interested in me, but they WERE interested in some other mutual friend, like it sounds like is the case with you. I would personally limit my interaction with both people, cuz just to see or talk to them would be very painful, I would be constantly reminded of how they did not want to be with me.

When I get a crush, it’s usually pretty serious, hahaha. It’s pretty much full-blown true love that leaves me devastated and heartbroken, and I want to save you some of that pain in the future!

So I would think about having a honest conversation with your friend sooner rather than later, and see what they say and how they feel. But please understand I am not a professional.

Good luck and feel free to share more information or stories! 🙂


young gurl has a crush on her male friend. or it could be another gurl, who knows. but crush on a friend, that is my wheelhouse tottally.

june 16

had interview for back office, human resources, payroll job with the nursing home. the nursing home has middling reviews because they dope up the seniors and leave them to die hahaha. i mean nursing homes are sad places period, its inherent, the only people that like the nursing homes are the rich jooish nursing homes.

all i cared about was that the people I talked to were nice, and they WERE. thank god. the black girl at the front desk was nice. everyone was black hahahaha. well there was a white woman administrator and a black woman administrator that i had the interview with. they were both all right. I did ok and it was probably my least autistic interview. and with less than 24 hours notice!

I sent them thank you note already. They seemed to like me. no really hard questions. I am like a politician anyway, I don’t actually answer the stupid questions they are asking anyway hahaha.

anyway I am not so much on the fence here like i am with the damn post office. if the nursing home calls me back, i will take the job for sure. it’s really close to home, like insanely. its a days schedule. no split shifts, no midnights.

i saw some old people who were not in great shape. but i would rather look at suffering dying old people, a memento mori if you will, hahaha, rather than answer calls all day and not know what to do.

i guess it could get problematic when dealing with employee contracts, ie the unionized nurses and such in the nursing home, and me having to udnerstand god damn union contracts. hey not my problem, talk to your steward hahahahahahahaha. its possible I could be in a union too. which is probably good. that means i cant be fired right hahahahaha.

not that I’m a union man by any means, boss! These fookin layabout and commies are gonna put us ALL out of jobs!

You know me boss, I am NOT a union man what so ever!

but yeah i felt pretty good, pretty CONFIDENT, after I got done. that was a GREAT feeling I hadn’t felt in a WHILE. Just straight up Confidence. Is THAT what NORMIES feel ALL THE TIME? its like being on DRUGS!!!!!!!

I wish I could feel that every day, or every other day at least.

commenter sez quote:

While I agree that these vile instincts are present in man kind (and in this instance namely women).
I still can’t help but cast harsh blame on the group who causes our people to turn towards such degeneracy.
Simply knowing that we are better than this, and knowing how far our people have fallen enrages me.
It’s amazing how people act around me, I’m quite vocal on my positiion of white superiority, when I come across downtrodden whites, or cross paths with white degenerates I know (one way or another) they always seem to straighten up around me, this is because I tell them every time I see them that they are white and that we are expected to hold ourselves to the highest standards.
When they see me they act white.
It is my firm belief that all whites – even our most j00 mind warped ones; know deep down that they are superior and that they are better than the current person they were caused to be.
One only needs to them; and be amazed how quickly whites clean up their act.
We need to get our message out into the world, whites need to hear that they are better than any role this current shit filled world has to offer them.

end quote

on zerohedge article about “soft prostitution” ie college gurls selling their bodies to pay for college. anyway I am totally with this guy, i favorited his comment hahaha. and pasted it here.

not super relavent to the days news (orlando, and now a leftist mp in UK assassinated by a brexit right winger yikes), but ALWAYS relevent to my own interest in da wimmin.

had a dream last night where i was on a long bus that was more like a train. i went to the front of the bus and who was driving it but STEFAN MOLYNEUX. I was like oh wow I actually know who you are (everyone else on the bus was people I knew IRL and probably they have no idea who he is.) And I was like welp you and me are gonna have a talk. because molyneux is just my vending machine for stimulating conversations hahaha and will talk to me about interesting stuff at my beck and call hahaha.

but yeah there is possibly a lot of symbolism here. stefan molyneux is driving the bus of my life hahahaha.

i more or less enjoy stefan and I especially like how he has been gradually moving alt-rightward and i liked the stupid meme that says he wrote “culture of critique”, and I like this picture:


but I am concerned about him being 25-50% jooish hehehehehe. also sometimes he seems like a woman-hater, and he has huge mommy and daddy issues, but I do like some of his call-in “therapy” conversations. BUT I don’t like his defoo bullshit. But I think he is open to change, and some of the changes he’s made recently are promising. and he’s definitely an interesting guy. better to listen to him than watch talmudvision hahaha. wish I could have sat around and watched molyneux with muh female friend. oh we could cuddle together and listen to TRS podcasts and watch millennial woes and have meaningful sacred relationshipsecs with each other……

yesterday i had some woman-hating thoughts, i thought, its RIDICULOUS. women are like EVIL, MOUSTACHE-TWIRLING COMIC BOOK VILLAINS.  Like just pure evil in every way. Then I figured that’s too comical. they are evil in a dark, satanic, horrifying way, kind of similar to da j00s. blaspheming the holy. making the sacred profane and the profane sacred. TOTAL MORAL INVERSION.

like secs to me is a huge deal, its like a religious experience, ive only done it a few times and it has changed my life. it feels very intimate and special to me. but women treat it like NOTHING. like taking a DUMP. just a bodily function, no big deal.

they treat peoples HEARTS, treat PEOPLE, and relationships, like expendable, worthless, replaceable, interchangeable things. callously dump some guy, break his heart, just don’t care, and be FOOKING a new guy within a few days. its sinful and evil to a HORRIFYING degree, I can’t even COMPREHEND it. this is how evil they are.

they are capable of deception, lies, and murder in the highest degree! they murder their babies which grow inside them! they lie to people for years! they can do a 180 on you at any time! past niceness is no indicator that they wont do a total 180 on you and disappear forever, or cheat on you with 600000 guys!

so yeah its like someone who is evil in every way, just pure evil embodied, incapable of good, like satan, that’s how evil EVEN NICE SEEMING women are!!!!!!!

kind of like j00s. da joos are by far my least favorite race. i just think they are evil. they take everything good and holy and pervert it and ruin it. they are not merely annoying, but they represent a moral and spiritual threat. As a moral man, da joos are my ENEMY because their morality is a total inversion, desecration of my morality. the satan comparison is very apt.

and it seems like women are very j00ified in this regard, and thats sad and infuriating and sad. our women are better than this….. but da joo is very good at corrupting our women. making our women evil and disgusting like THEM.

basically women are DEGENERATE, like the J’s. DEGENERATE in the way they have secs, the degenerate fake pseudo “relationships” they have which make a DEGENERATE MOCKERY of human relationships, human dignity. these degenerates have no dignity, they spit in the face of dignity and Goodness, the same way Da Joos want to boil Jesus Christ Alive in a cauldron of Shit and Piss and Jizz. its disgusting and pure evil. you don’t treat people like this. it’s not overt like beating the shit out of somebody, and in a way, beating the shit out of somebody is BETTER. kinder. less evil. the evil these women do is basically Emotional TORTURE. and you have to be a sick j00ish SADIST to TORTURE people!!!!!! like god damn j00 eli roth making “TORTURE PORN” movies.


moreso than these eli roth films, the term torture porn would better describe the sick, twisted relationshits these women have. torturous because its painful and horrifying and nightmarish. porn because it’s a sick degenerate mockery of secs and luv – making the sacred profane and making a mockery of the dignity of human life. 

i guess after being abandoned and used as a cvm dumpster, the women are gonna try to ruin men the same way they feel ruined. there is this mutiilation album called “remains of a lost, dead, cursed, ruined soul” or something hahahaha and that is how I view women. and that is what they want to turn the people they meet into.  lost dead cursed ruined souls

what else. talk to this recruiter tomorrow morning, gotta get up early and go thru traffic. damn.

got an email from “the mutual friend”, ie the person who was friends with both me and That Woman, and That Woman and I used to meet up with this mutual friend and chit chat together. I am still on good terms with the mutual friend, well, emailing them back and forth. I told them the whole sad story and thankfully did not overwhlem them with those long emails, because the mutual friend is touching base with me again. and i have not blubbered any sadguy shit about that woman. I won’t mention that woman again unless the mutual friend asks.

I think That Woman is avoiding the mutual friend as well. I think the mutual friend might have appreciated a long email from That Woman, like I sent long emails to the mutual friend. but good luck getting that woman to TALK TO YOU. The best you’ll get is a damn text saying “hope your doing good lol yes of course well hang out soon <3”

and thats the best your* gonna get! and if you want her to ACTUALLY hang out, then your* being pushy hahahaha.

also I wanted to say, I’ve been listening to moar goatwh0re and IM SORRY all the mean things I said about their singer ben.

I’m SORRY if I said anything bad about their “new” drummer as of “a haunting curse” because he is a very very good drummer. he’s just different than the first drummer, who I grew up with.

that is, I recently brought “a huanting curse” back out and thoroughly enjoyed it. that was the album where I started losing track of the band. But I really shouldn’t have. Its a good album and I enjoy it now more than I did when it came out in 2006/7.

so now the time is right for me to try the 3 albums which came AFTER that!

But I will say about ben: another pet peeve I have is that hes in there TOO MUCH. cramming every beat of every song with damn lyrics.

these eyes bleed as they watch this desecreation of this abominable abortion upon this eve of the sadistic moon whereupon these grave-vermin reflect these perversions towards these smoldering oblivions of this constricted defiling crumbling this decay.

I mean you could write a PROGRAM to write these lyrics, JUST SAYIN hahahaha.

but SOME of the lyrics are good.

And Bens voice is good too. I can’t fault him for being TOO ambitious, can I???!?!?!?!

He is a very commanding singer, so he is ALWAYS singing. writing a 6000000 page BOOK of lyrics for every song. IMHO this is not necessary, and it ultimately distracts from sammy’s guitar. Ben is technically good, but he’s just TOO MUCH. Ben is good but Sammy is better. His stream of catchy, evil riffs is so satisfying that you sometimes just want to say SHUT UP BEN just so you can hear more of sammys riffs hehehehehe. He was dfeinitely influential on my own attempts at songwriting. One of my fav metal guitarists for SURE. an excellent metal songwriter. ANd BLATHERIN BEN just gets in the way of it. I would take Ben aside and give him Constructive Criticism in the form of a feedback sandwich: You’ve got a great voice and a lot of good lyrics, you just need to take a breather once in a while. LESS IS MORE BEN. LESS IS MORE. And stop saying this so much. let sammy sing more and let sammy write more lyrics and let sammy proofread your lyrics and just be quiet and let sammy’s riffs be heard. Don’t you think Sammy  is an Outstanding Riffmaster? Don’t you just want to sit back and admire Sammy’s awesome riffs? so do we ben, so do we.  but we appreciate everything you’ve done. you’re a decent guy and I even had your PARALYSIS album on TAPE. Why don’t you bring back those cookie monster vocals sometimes too? but don’t cram the song with them from beginning to end. try not to sing for more than 70% of the songs duration. not every riff needs vocals on top of it.  LESS IS MORE.

thats what i would say to him.

and on a haunting curse sammys sweet riffs are on full display, but this album was where it became harder for me to fully appreciate them because of ol blathering ben yak yak yaking away.

it is also possible sammy’s awesome riff ratio went down there, but I’d rather not think that.

ok i gotta do a powerwalk here.

anyway all that hateful stuff i was saying about women……that is part of muh cognitive distortions. women arent really THAT bad, and not all women are THAT bad. even the worst women arent AS bad as satanic j00ish monsters hahahaha. which isnt to say women cannot get poisoned by satanic j00ish monsters!

i mean theres not a j00 within 10 miles of here but they still poison us through the televitz and the media and cultcha in general!

cuz its not like young women are watching hours of tv a day. but they are texting away on shitty torture porn pseudo relationshits all day hahahaha.

but yeah not all women are even satanic horrible demons. even she isnt. although what she did a demon would have no problem doing. heck she probably does feel bad about it! well maybe she felt bad about it for a week and then GOT OVER IT hahahaha.

i mean look the mutual friend who sends me nice email. SHE is a woman! and shes very nice, and STILL nice to me! of course she is a 55 year old woman and I am not in LUV with her!

but yeah its always hard to get through the end of a rel, and a broken heart, especially when you are the one whose heart was broken and you didnt want the rel to end AND it ended in a bad way. like that phaggy song says, when a heart breaks it dont break even hahaahhahahaha. meaning her heart didnt break at all.

bitcoin is SOARING TO THE MOON. I don’t have much left, I have been selling it back for ZOGbux hahaha. I sold 60$ of it at once, but I didn’t think it would CONTINUE soaring as high as it has. I thought it would start doing some bearish shit by now.

is it because china is buying up tons of btc right now? i dunno.

should I not be selling? well i have already sold 85% of muh coinz.

ok better go to bed, get up early and talk to the recruiter. at least this is a white guy and not a damn indian hahaha. tell him no call centers. tell him i got a 60% chance at getting a Day Shift, Weekends Off job less than 5 miles from my home. No Call Center. BEAT THAT, PHAGGOT hahahahaha.  although I really have more like a 0.0000000000000000001% chance of getting that job hahaha.  damn shabbos goy slave to da jooz.


june 1

well i feel kind of CONFIDENT right now which is GOOD, I want to feed this dog and starve the other dog of doubt and fear and weakness hehehehe. not feed that dog. you choose which dog you feed. or wolf. or whatever. if you dont know that parable, you dont deserve a job hahaha. def not a 15 dahj.

so I muh interview for the sweet city job. i didnt ask for business cards, i tried to tell some specific stories, got kinda tongue tied as usual, got the impression they wanted to move quick so tried not to ramble.

anyway i was determined to find email addresses for each person. i found one on the city website directory. i then Studied how emails seemed to be constructed for the city and used that to deduce the email of the second person. the third person was the hardest. I could not find their first name or their last name. i didnt know how to spell their last name. i had several guesses. i finally found them with a quite different spelling there. a normie would have just called and asked. anyway sent the thank you directly to them. did not include 4 documents this time. seemed like that could be overbearing.

so i felt a sense of confident accomplishment when I finally found that email address.

had a dream last night that had a gurl…..and it was NOT that woman! this woman in the dream was fictional, a petite, young, blond haired woman. MAYBE she was a composite of women 2 and 3. Maybe she was just a cute young blond woman. in it she was presenting herself to me to get FOOKED. I was like, i dont know who you are, you dont know who i am, you are certainly a crazy slut, but damn are you a qt little thing hahahaha. I shouldnt stick muh dick in crazy but I will NOT get this chance again for it could be 10 years or more. and at that point the gurl is not going to be a very qt 20 year old. so I am gonna do this. I should prob Wrap It Up Tho. I woke up before the dream went any further.

you shouldnt stick your d in crazy…..but if you have a 20 year old blond QT spreading for you, yes you should hahahaha. just wear a rubber and make her sign a waiver of consent hahahaha. and know that there is gonna be some drama afterwards. and whatever you do , do not get feelings for her, or get too used to this, because she is gonna cut you off before you’re ready to be cut off. guaranteed. so just be thankful to get one bang out of the cute crazy slut.

the people in the interview were nice enough, no hard questions really, but I rambled a bit and I sensed they wanted to move along quickly. there was another person waiting to go in as soon as I left. I tried to keep it short. but that is difficult for me. anyway it went ok and I would like this job much moar than the post office job. because its closer, there are weekends off, and most people seem fairly nice in the city hall hahahaha. whenever I go in there people seem relaxed and they arent on headsets with calls all the time looking like they want to K themselves hahahaha. they can ask other people for help.  there was a fat young man who looked like an awkward virgin. there was a cute young woman who looked like a slightly shy nonslut. but also still good looking at age 26 or so. She would be at the top of muh seduction list hahahahahahahahaha. i am sure the fat young man is hopeless in luv with her and will probably quit his job because of her hahahaha. well PROBABLY she is married. I was too busy thinking about The Interview to look for a Ring hahahaha. besides some of these Hypergamous Mercenaries don’t wear their wedding rings at work, because what if a rich lawyer or contractor comes into city hall one day hahahaha. a rich albanian man with expensive suit and bmws hahahaha who makes tons of money from smuggling drugs and secs slaves under the table hahaha. she can then monkey branch to him and throw her husband away like garbage.

see, people who arent women haters just dont think like that. because really women arent ACTUALLY THAT bad. but women haters like me THINK they ARE.

so yeah stuff like GAME and roosh seems so…2010 by this time. the old pick up artists are tired of it and the young men are asking the same questions and getting woke sooner, namely, recognizing black pill nihilist for the nihilistic garbage that it is, and saying, i dont care about banging sluts, I want to marry a nice gurl and have children. young men are MUCH more open to that way of thinking than when I was young and we just wanted to bang bitches. i think older millennials like me are much more NIHILISTIC. people that were born in my birth year. the younger kids are actually smarter and better. game and manosphere is losing interest, more and more people are tuning into the alt right. or maybe i am just saying that because thats why I am personally doing, and roosh is kind of doing it.

i cant entirely hate roosh. I read him years ago. i’m essentially part of his generation. ie an old nihilistic fart.

matt forney, well I read a lot more of him when he was in mala fide, and I think he is actually younger than me.

they just need to be more pro-white. forney and aurini. I think they are open to it but they wont ever be 1488. aurini is a great writer but I just cannot listen to his super gay voice. it is one of the most annoying voices I have ever heard. I have known a few people that talked like that and I always found that way of speaking very very annoying.

MW and TRS are my go to places now, they will show me the way. i wonder what the “next” thing will be hahaha. But this hasnt been a bandwagon thing for me at all. I have been moving slowly toward it for years.

i think racialism is a natural next phase to manosphere mra mgtow mens stuff. you go through a mens phase before you advance to the FINAL RED PILL of RACE. Also I find that this helps you appreciate women more. not hate them as much. So I can’t help but think of super mra types as being in a temporary phase. that is, i find it Problematic hahaha when they DONT treat it as a temporary stage on the way to Final Red Pill Racialism.

so yeah if i can figure this out by age 30 then so can any man. so I dont fully trust mgtows over 30 hahahaha.

But I will always like Uncle Bern, I just wish he found a decent woman and had some kidz. I think he would like to. I hate to say he’s too old……but he’s not getting younger. It’s not impossible though. just marry an ugly young white girl and start having kids right away, that would work. why ugly? well, hopefully not super ugly. but ideally he should get a gurl a full 20 years younger than him hahaha and that is NOT easy.

I mean shit I want a gurl a full 10 years younger than me haha.

but yeah read the comments on mgtow videos and its clear these guys are even bigger woman haters than i am. i dont want to be a woman hater! and I am happy that as a Huhwhyte Nationalist 1488, I don’t HAVE to hate women. women are important and good. doesn’t mean you still shouldnt be aware of the risks. doesnt mean you cant hate wh0res and sluts!

i know MJ is degen garbage but I still want to sm0ke it. I know my 1488 brethren are against it and that’s fine. but I’m the special snowflake where the rules dont apply to me hahaha. well they do, but I’m not gonna try to change THEIR minds. I essentially just want to use it to get thru my time of sorrow hahaha. use it for 3 months at a time and make time pass and get thru 1 day at a time. then quit. and hopefully at that time i will be magically more successful, and magically more over That Woman hahaha. i wouldnt go telling my 1488 buddies about it, nor would i expect them to understand, or approve.

but then I come on here and essentially I am a face for The Movement, and, as such, I should NOT be condoning something the Movement disapproves of.

in other words i am disobeying the movement. and certainly the movement, and the huhwhyte race, is 1488000000000000 times more important than sm0king MJ!!!!!!

I’m not gonna try to change the movement, im not gonna change their minds. but do I want to represent the movement? kind of. I want to make other whites more racially aware and awake. But I could never lead in the movement because of my own degeneracy and lack of achievement, and I understand that. I dont really want to lead anyway.

cant believe i never really saw dead poets society and now it is on tv and i am sorta watching it and it seems like it would be good if i actually paid attention to it hahahaha. ideally i would watch it with a nice gurl like that woman, that or watch it while totally blazed on degenerate weed hahahaha. hhehehehe. i want to get a job just so i can use it as an excuse to sm0ke w33d hahahaha.

what if it is a way to become closer to G-d hahahaha.  I could see that.

yeah just watching a movie with HER would have been really nice. i fantasized about that. sitting next to her and cuddling with her watching a tv or movie. without it ending in degenerate stuff , well the way we would do it wouldnt be degenerate. it would be the least secsy secs ever.

i hate how everything has to be secsy. thats not the way it is. thats j00ish poison saying cars have to be sexy and clothes have to be sexy and everything is supposed to remind you of fun, casual sexs. fook that shit.  fook these god damn degenerates.

i really should be paying more attention to this movie, i wuld probably enjoy it. fookin dad from that 70s show aka clarence boddicker, I didnt know he was in this. or ethan hawke for that matter. everyone plays a good role. more of an “ensemble” story than I thought. very 2 dimensional characters.  though they should give him the choice of going to harvard and being a doctor OR a lawer OR an engineer OR an accountant OR a banker OR a businessman hahahaha. there are many ways to be successful in life than just a DOCTOR. ESPECIALLY if you go to HARVARD. so his father should understand THAT at least.

also because I am a Sophisticated Cineast, I can see the parrallels between this and “picnic at hanging rock”, them both being Peter Weir pictures. Noice Australian Bloke.  Bruce Weir hahahahaha. (only me and the Aussieposting Aussies on the internet will get that joke.) knowing this will not get you a good wife or a good job hahaha. going to harvard and becoming a doctor OR lawyer OR engineer OR businessman OR banker will.

is he gonna K himself? clarences kid? dr wilson hahahaha. no he’s a good actor in this too. i hope he doesnt K himself. his father doesnt hate him, theres just a huge misunderstanding. oh that would be sad.

oh jeez i guess he did. well that sucks. live blogging me watching dead poets society.

well wouldnt it make sense more for him to just run away from home?

if i had been paying closer attention it probably would have made more sense.

anyway I will recruit whites for a white movement but I am not a leader and I will tell you right away to keep your damn MJ smoking in the closet. i am not really butthurt that they are against it. WELL, maybe I wish they would be a LITTLE more accepting of special snowflakes like me. because I’m using it as medicine to get through pain and grief, and also to get closer to my higher power hehehehe.

Can’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good hahahahaha. if MJ makes me a more happy white then so be it.

well i KNOW happiness is not the highest virtue. I dont really CARE about happiness. well, i DO care about being a confident man with agency who is able to shape the course of his life. And I think a man like this is probably likely to be somewhat happy as a by=product of all that agency and confidence and awesomeness.

really what i want is CONFIDENCE.

I felt some confidence after I finished that interview (even though the interview was only about average and not GREAT) and after I found that womans email address. I even used linkedin to try to connect wiht the third woman. I really doubt she will accept. but if she does, that will broaden my network in this organization with her 300 connections hahaha.

june 2

first day in a while did not have weird dreams. nothing with that woman. nothing with any woman. good. fook women, i hate them all hahahahahaha. no jk.

applied to a few jobs today, have been slowing down there. but its a very good way to keep the Stream of Unsuccessful Interviews coming regularly hahahaha. cuz it will take them a few weeks to interview view. if they even do that.

i watch all these crime and murder shows and there are these white people doing horrible things, people cheating on their spouses, killing each other. is this normal? well its not normal for most white spouses to disappear or K each other, but what about cheating?

wwwwwhat if i went out with her, woudl she ever cheat on ME?

probably hahaha. I would be the start of Her Cheating Career hahaha. never cheated on a man before me but by the time she got with me she was jaded. she didnt care who she hurts hahaha.

stories of people breaking up and getting back together. I hear gossip and its always interesting.

like this guy I know where a month ago he had “broke up” with his GF, which had happened at least 2 times before, but now they are back together and she is MOVING IN.  he is totally in luv with her and I do not trust her at all. i dont know the full story of course. I think he is so in luv with her, but he is understandably scared to Take The Next Step to have her Move In. beyond that its all speculation. maybe she gave him an ultimatum. let me move in with you or we are DONE.

she should not be giving ultimatums like that. i dont trust her at all. I dont want him to be so in luv with her, because now she has the power to DESTROY him. he can do BETTER.

and instead of ultimatums, why not have communication? negotiation and compromise and talking?????

i hate this breaking up and getting back together. it shows you havent THOUGHT and TALKED about it enough and is just some bitch being FLIGHTY and STUPID and EMOTIONALLY RETARDED. they dont know how to Have Relationships with Human Beings. they are like 50 foot baby with juggling flaming chainsaws hahahaha. 50 foot baby getting a mario invincibility star where they K everything they touch!!!!!!!!!

and then another story of another guy. an older man (early 40s) dating a much younger gurl (uhhhh early 20s). Everyone thought it was weird but I was like GOOD FOR HIM. but i guess the gurl was a real retard. dont think she was a slut though. but nobody liked the gurl. she was weird and stupid and unlikeable.  i was worried she would flake out, dump him, and he would be heartbroken for another 10 years.  so i heard he finished it with her. i asked for clarification, who dumped who. he dumped her. i thought well GOOD FOR HIM.

BUT apparently she dumped him a few times BEFORE. then they always got back together. but finally at the end, HE dumped her. that is GREAT. well, assuming marriage and children was not a possibility. and he decided he was done with her.

I never had that. I would essentially get dumped TWICE. when I was pseudodating these gurls, they would dump me, I would be heartbroken, but also try to get back together with them, then they would make out with me and cuddle with me again, I would get my hopes up, and they would “dump” me again soon after.

i would MUCHHHHHHHHH prefer to be in the situation of me wanting to dump them.

and i think it’s interesting how he was dumped the first time, but in the end, HE dumped HER. that means his mind and his feelings changed. from very good to not so good. I never had that happen. well, not until after I was dumped and I started to h8 the bitches hahahahaha.

basically I never have felt the want to dump a woman. Always the dumped, never the dumper.

if you cheating wife gets preggers from another man and you get mad and punch the wall, then YOU are the bad guy. You are abusing her and it’s your FAULT. you MADE her cheat on you and get preggers from another man.

I hate that shit about women. They do horrible shit and they COMPLETELY BLAME it on YOU. they can’t even admit a TINY FRACTION of responsibility.

even 1%! I’m not asking them to admit 50% like a mature adult grown up! but just admit 1%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


why do they have to be so EXTREME????????? meet me 1% of the way at least!!!!!!!!!!


if they give you the option to upload a resume for a 9 dollar an hour part time job, instead go ahead and upload 7 documents like this hahahahahaha.

heh. i am still hoping THAT WOMAN looks at muh LINKEDIN profile. then I will be able to see that she did. then I will contact her and say baby come back. you can blame it all on me hahahahahaha

cuz I used to be her one and only contact on linkedin until I cut off the connection. she simply doesnt use it, although she may well start using it now that she is on an intense job search. unless she immediately got a job through a friend. which is possible. i don’t want to google search her and look at her indeed resume or her linkedin to even try to confirm. i have her linkedin page blocked with a blocking plugin hahaha.

hey excuse me for caring about somebody that i was friends with for over 2 years hahaha. it wasnt all in my mind. damn.

was a little productive today. updating my resumes on several local hospital websites. last time i did my application I was lazy and didnt put all the employers. some didnt even have linkedin links. the linkedin link is a great value add IF they go to it because it contains everything. absolutely everything. out there for the whole world to see hahaha.

684 calories over the limit yesterday just for going out for social game and eating pizza. god damn. this is how EASY it is to GAIN WEIGHT.

so think about the other person who ate the same amount of pizza, some wings, and some beerz!!!!!! that is more in that one snack that a normie should be eating in a whole day! he is trying to lose weight too and goes to the gym diligently. but its just so easy to Overeat.

Eating as much as you really want is overeating, and you will gradually gain weight until you are Morbidly Obese.

Morbid Obesity is the logical conclusion of eating what you want.

Losing Weight Slowly is the logical conclusion of being slightly hungry most of the time hahahahaha.

I hate being slightly hungry most of the time hahahaha.

oh dear god that gets better every time i read it.

heh i guess r9k had a meme of “ROASTIES”


ok ok enough of these pictures.

anyway i am happy about the older man who dumped the younger gurl, even if she is younger, because it sounds like her youngness did not outweigh her worthlessness, and i like it when men dump women for a change hahahaha.

i am worried about the guy who is in luv with his flaky crazy GF who is moving in with him. i bet she is bipolar, she is going to make his life a living hell, and dump him WHILE she is living with him. i dont want that to happen to him, but there is no way I could convince him against this.

i guess technically “ROASTIES” dont actually indicate that a gurl is a huge whore. But you might be able to make them feel very insecure about it, and establish your masculine dominance and control. and then she wont leave you in the lurch, and will be loyal and nice to you!

you have to DOMINATE women in order to make them be NICE to you!

and i am not that good at DOMINATING anybody. i really dont CARE about DOMINATING anybody.

and that is why i am a total failure with wimmin hahahahaha.

sheeeeeit just got a rejection letter from university job that would have been SICK. was not a Finalist hahaha for that sweet union full time with benefits mon thru fri 14 dollar an hour job. i bet they would have liked my shitty coat and nervous, weird demeanor if they had called me in for an interview hahahahaha. i could tell them how fun it is to be a kissless virgin hahahaha.


is this meant to suggest, this confirmation number, that i am the 622th person to apply for this job? horry sheet that would suck. can’t be the 622th person to apply this day; what about this week? this month? this quarter? all time on the somewhat new job portal for this company?

god damn sperm guzzling btich with roasties hahahaha.

well i dont even care if they have roasties, as long as they have been with less than 10 guys.

i mean 5. hahaha

i mean 3.

3 to 10. 6.5 guys.

7 guys? eeeeeehhhhh still too much for my liking.

123 applied jobs, only 19 rejections hahahaha. and then 123-19 jobs that didn’t bother to send a rejection email hahahahahahaha.

so im obviously Shotgunning resumes and not TAILORING each application with the individualized attention it NEEDS! and or there is something GLARINGLY wrong that I am just not seeing, and need to have someone else look at this shit!

but I HAVE gotten interviews!

but the interviews havent led to an Offer!

but the shittiest jobs MIGHT give me an offer!

but they havent yet! plus I am leaning heavily towards saying NO to those offers hahaha.

the WAY women have relationships, and essentially the way they TREAT PEOPLE, is just disgusting and distasteful. I would NEVER treat people like that, and I can’t believe how they have no remorse over doing things. Not even serious things per se, but still things I wouldn’t personally ever do.  like being in a pseudodating secsual rel for “a minute”, or not discouraging thirsty omega orbiters. yeah the orbiters are stupid and retarded but WHY ARE YOU STILL HANGING OUT WITH THEM? JUST TELL THEM YOURE NOT INTERESTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when you continue to hang out with them, THATS LEADING THEM ON!!!!!! STOP LEADING GUYS ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ANd they are always leading some guy on AT ALL TIMES!!!!!!!!!!

stop being so shitty!!!!!! just treat people like HUMAN BEINGS!!!!!!!

dont just keep breaking up with a person and getting back together, have a serious grown up talk about things!

make an effort!

show even just 1% accountability and responsibility!

try to act even 1% more mature than a damn BIG BABY!!!!

just give a LITTLE! doesnt even NEED to be a LOT!

yet this is asking too much of women.

Am I asking them to be more than what they naturally are? why is what they naturally are so god damn ridiculously DISAPPOINTING???????? Can’t you just be a LITTLE disappointing and not a LOT??????


hmmm i think there is too big a rand for cyborgs, or robots for that matter too. i was hoping to get at least slightly strange. although i only added them up once. maybe i forgot to add one or two on the calculator hahahaha.

yeah its gonna be real hard to get to normie. i wish getting a loser job would give you 20 points insteaed of just 4 hahahah. WHO CAME UP WITH THIS? huge wizards and robots thats who.  so i think they would want an exclusive club and would err on the side of mislabeling a neet as a normie, ie giving more points for secs or making out with a grill or having a job. well i used to have an attractive face, hahahaha. now i just look like an old weirdo. my face got old hahaha.

yeah ok i am gonna go for a longer than 70 minute powerwalk, more like 90 min. need to burn 684 calkories hahahahaha.

the guy who created the tuffguy violent vidya game god of war 10 years ago now goes for 900000000000000 tweets on implicit systematic institutionilized sexist and patriachy of a prom photograph hahahaha. he says he doesnt even know who anita sarkeesian is hahahaha.




may 30

oh god i am doing a research study for ISRAELIS. In israel. its funny how they always ask you your ethnicity in these things, but they never have “J00ish” as one of the things. I imagine both jews and arabs would have to identify as “caucasian” which is RIDICULOUS.

this alone disqualifies all research hahaha.

I took Accounting 1 and 2 in college and still do not feel qualified to have even an informed opinion on this decision.  think if you do not use accounting knowledge and judgment regularly, you become very rusty and incompetent. It is not like riding a bike. Hopefully it was intentional that these questions seemed confusing to the novice, even though I did well in those 2 accounting courses, and we covered all this material: balance sheets, Assets = Liability + OE, cash flows. I have simply forgotten it all. I suppose I could refresh myself fairly quickly but this study certainly did not jog my memory, rather it reminded me of how much I had forgotten! I do not like having to make decisions where I do not feel qualified or knowledgeable enough to make a good decision. Unfortunately, I often face those situations in my work, and I can only hope that bank lenders are held to a higher standard of technical competence than I am!

on business school study where i was a lending officer and had to evaluate a company’s financial statements to decide whether to approve them for a 5 million dollar line of credit. i dunno. i guess hahahaha.

so yeah i forgive her. she was jsut confused like a DUMB ANIMAL. you cant expect women to have BALLS and COURAGE. you need to be THEIR rock. they’re not capable of being YOUR rock. also she just got SCARED and ran away because she saw me as a trusted friend and now suddenly I was in love with her and wanted to marry her and lick her farting asshole and create babies with her and this was just TOO MUCH for her, ok I can understand that. so she just ran away.

i mean she had never had that kind of a rel with a guy like me before.

anyway MWoes say women like a mix of brutish and vulnerable. I would agree, and I would clarify, you have to be right kind of vulnerable. like the mudslim refugees, who are Sexually Agressive and who don’t appear personally weak or pussified, but rather they are oppressed, poor, and downtrodden.

if you are Bad Vulnerable, that’s bad. I was bad vulnerable. weak like a lost child. nope that kind of vulnerability is just shamed and shunned by women. if I had more of an angry, agressive chip on my shoulder about it, then that might have helped.

THESE are the kind of guys women want to FIX. YES, women want to FIX many guys. and I certainly need fixing.  I would WELCOME fixing by a loyal woman. But I’m not broken in the right way. you need to be stubbornly, toughly broken. A strong stubborn man who can’t be tamed. NOT a weak broken frightened lost animal kind of broken.

so yeah I am the wrong kind of broken and vulnerable hahaha. i need to be more AGGRESSIVE and STUBBORN.

maybe I should get a TRACK SUIT hahahaha. It would definitely go along with my slavic luv. get a track suit and SQUAT MOAR. Squat in muh track suit, smoke cigarettes and say AY BAYBEE U WAN SUM FUK???

obviously nonwhites enjoy track suits too, but perhaps white guys can use them to present a tough guy persona and therefore impregnate white women with white children.

You’d THINK women would be more K-selected and men would be more r-selected.

because WOMEN have the most severe consequences, ie getting pregnant, that they would care MORE about consequences and long term. BUt they in fact care LESS about these things! and that made me SO confused and frustrated.

now I think they just need to get pregnant by any means necessary, by any masculine strong man. it doesn’t matter if he’s the wrong kind of strong. the important thing s just get pregnant and perpetuate the species. it doesnt matter what race he is. just get pregnant NOW. it doesnt matter if he’s a deadbeat or sociopath. it only matters that he appears strong and confident and masculine on the surface. only the surface matters.

its kind of like companies making stupid decisions: you cant have long term without a short term. so short term is therefore more important.

and this is nonwhite, r-type thinking.

WOMEN: THE INGRAS OF THE HUMAN RACE hahahaha as didnt yoko ono put it.

yep. essentially white women think like dumb blacks. sad but true. just they way they are. born that way. you can cry about it, or you can use it to your advantage.

i really am a male supremacist. men and women are different but I can’t think of a SINGLE thing women can do BETTER than men, except Have Children. all that other shit, like being social, or communicating, or emotional intelligence. Women’s social interactions are all dramatic chaos! women communicate like shit! women are like Terrible Toddlers all their lives, until they get married and have a few kids with a Strong Good Man!

Maybe women can be Warmer and Sweeter than Men….sometimes. the tradeoff is that the same women can be colder and crueler and more uncaring than men. so it kinda cancels out.

are women better parents than men? nope. they are probably better MOTHERS than men though, hahaha. and men are better FATHERS than women, hahaha.

But I wouldn’t say women are any more kinder or gentler or more sensitive than men. they are softer and weaker than men….but that’s not a benefit. that’s not a strength.


But at the end of the day, we NEED women to

  1. have children
  2.  be mothers

those are the ONLY things women can do better than men. we might like to engineer ways for men to be able to do those things…..but never gonna happen. we will ALWAYS NEED women to do those simple but ESSENTIAL things.

men are more reliable, more trustworthy, more moral, better friends, more loyal. anything that you can think of. better workers. more productive. better communicators. better negotiators. better consensus builders. more mature. more emotionally intelligent. more situationally aware. more generous. more empathetic. more sympathetic. more rational.  better decision makers. and women want a clearly masculine man who confidently embraces all those natural superiorities.  unfortunately i do not hahaha.

I could sort of see what you were doing here…..but also I was confused. This is a classic problem in moral philosophy that can be stated with many small variations. I saw many small variations here, but none of them were really enough to convince me. Except for maybe the ones where the person’s neck was tied to the track, vs their hand was tied to the track. The logistics of this situation made it perhaps more like that a person would lose a hand rather than certainly die.
Obviously the Utilitarian argument is, always kill the one to save the five, because that maximizes the greater good.
Obviously this is a difficult situation and we don’t want it to be so black-and-white, so maybe we might prefer versions of the story where we can “have our cake and eat it too,” that is, save the five while maximizing the chances the one on the side tack will also survive. Like he would just lose a hand rather than his life, or he might be quick enough to jump out of the way of the train.
But it’s important to note that any of these situations are so ridiculous that they would almost never happen in real life. I wish there were a more believable version of this story.

some stupid study wihtout even an IRB clearance, wiht stupid variations on the classic philosophy problem of, do you kill one person to save 10 people?

I dont hate women. I LUV women! they are just unfortuantely worse than men in every way. essentially just like Big Babies. Babies who can casually create new life. babies who can be very successful at career and make more money and achieve more success than you ever will. hahaha.

like giant 50 foot babies with a machine gun and unlimited ammo.

that would be a more accurate take on the “baby with a gun” metaphor. it’s WORSE than that.

but by god we NEED them. without them, human life would not exist. So we protect them and Luv them in a way they can never really understand. but they don’t have to. they don’t HAVE to do a lot. just like a 50 foot baby with a machine gun. they do what they want. sometimes cry and throw a fit and destroy everything in sight. then when they get tired and theres nothing left to destroy, they take a nap, have a snack, and are happy again. until they get mad again.

horry sheet am I really SURE I dont hate women hahahahahaha.

well, im going through a woman hating PHASE right now! It will be better in 3 months!

confidence. its the single most important thing a man can have. it reduces anxiety and despair. it gets you jobs and women. it is the root cause of happiness. it is more important than happiness. it allows you to be TOUGH and have faith in yourself. it allows you to Get Tuff, Tuff Get Going, when the going gets tuff. it allows you to never give up and to work hard. because you’re confident in yourself, that your struggling will pay off. you struggle through the losses until you get to the wins, and then you get bitches and money hahaha. and the bitches will be loyal to you as long as youre confident. you lose confidence, you lose them. they leave you in the lurch and find a better, more confident man, like the hypergamous mercenaries they are. dont hate them for it. its just the way they are. 50 foot babies with machine guns.  it IS HARD to dominate and control a 50 foot baby with a machine gun. but god damn thats what they want ultimately. they want a man to take that gun away and shrink them down to normal size. i hear ya, that is NOT easy.

it takes a very CONFIDENT man, hahahahaha.

women will tell you you’re a woman hater because THEY don’t know how THEY work! and that’s NORMAL! you have to be OK with that!

you might know how you work, you might know how they work, but they will never know how they work! only until you wife them up and get a few babies out of her, can a women even BEGIN to be SLIGHTLY reasonable and more masculine, IE, smart and capable and trustworthy and kind and long term and adult and responsible and mature and kind and loyal and moral and awesome.

also I think if you start getting gurlfrans and dating when you are like 16 or 18, you will hate and fear women less when you are 30, and also have way more success and get along better with them, hahahaha. like a normie.

I made out with a gurl once when I was 16, but I was very conflicted about it. I didnt really like her and I didnt really want to date her. But she lived 50 miles away and I really didnt want to start a long distance rel with her, when I liked her friend better.

MAYBE if she lived in the same town as me, I would then probably have made out with her a few more times and MAYBE I would have liked her more and then MAYBE had some sort of rel with her. would have been good to get some experience and confidence. but really I was just left with frustration. I didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would at all because I didnt really like the gurl, I thought she was annoying hahahaha.

but maybe if i had spent more time with her, I would have liked her more. I probably would have. but that was not possible.

maybe if i had actually banged her i would have felt more confident. i was just making out with her and i had no idea how to do that.

the next time i made out with a gurl i was 21 years old, over 5 years later, and though I didn’t have any more experience with it, I felt I did a pretty good job of it.

i also liked that gurl a lot more and was way more into it.

my point is, do anything and everything you can do to buld confidence for yourself, short of hurting people, because confidence is the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT thing you as a man can have. for EVERY ASPECT of a man’s life. work, school, women, family life, overcoming adversity, being tuff, being successful, being content. sleeping, health, stress. it is no coincidence that despairing people have no confidence. in fact, despair is SYNONYMOUS with confidence deficit. lack of confidence CAUSES despair, not just correlates. it is a direct damn CAUSE. BELIEVE IT.

just like every man should vote for TRUMP, every man should convince every woman he knows to vote for trump or NOT TO VOTE AT ALL. Either of those would be good.

because you know who’s gonna vote for a monster like hillary?

regular, average, everyday, nonmonstrous WOMEN. normal nice women. wives and mothers.

and that is the problem with women voting!

note: i would gladly give up my own right to vote for a more strict voting policy, like only landowning males over 30 with a wife and children who make over 50 grand a year. ok i dont meet that criteria but I would gladly give up my vote to get there. and i dont think women would be NEARLY as willing to give up their vote, even if its for the greater good. cuz its in the damn long run, and its undemocratic.

its just weird. before i got feelings for her, she was reasonable, and mature, and all those things I said women are horrible at. then when I got feelings for her, she did a 180, and became a different person.  so it’s my fault. i flipped my switch, so she gets to flip her switch.

well even though I got feelings for her, i dont feel i changed as much on a fundamental level as she did. I was still the same person underneath. she felt like a damn alien. i didnt like that hahaha.

so what gives ME confidence?

feeling competent at muh job; and having a nice female friend to prove to me that I can get along with women, hahaha.

In the space below, write out a short essay to elaborate on why you should be ethically sensitive. Why is ethics important and what are the benefits for you and for others that it impacts

You forgot the question mark at the end of the question there. I would not use the term “ethically sensitive”, but I am very, very interested and serious about ethics and what I would call morals and morality. I spend a lot of time thinking about what is right and wrong, and how right or wrong it is. I believe in an absolute morality, and absolute right and wrong, although I admit the situation can have SOME limited influence on this. I think it’s important because I strongly prefer the moral to the immoral or amoral. I prefer to surround myself with other moral people. I like to think of myself as moral and morally courageous. I think any sort of human society requires some kind of morality. The more “moral” this morality is the better. I think a lot of people are brainwashed into immoral behavior because they simply don’t care about right or wrong any more, and they are never taught the importance of right or wrong. Growing up in this way, you can sometimes cause other people pain without even realizing what you are doing. It’s like you are always a child in this respect. And even most children have SOME rough sense of right and wrong.

its just weird that someone I GOT ALONG WITH SO WELL, that it fell apart so horrendously. We used to get along so well, I couldn’t believe we couldn’t communicate like Adults on this issue.

in that mgtow mw video i linked last time, he responds to a woman hating mgtow who chides him, who cares about the women that were nailbombed in brussels? dont you care about the menz? who cares about the women? aren’t men just as important as women?

and mw responds to that egregious TISM with good sense: because somewhat normal men naturally feel PROTECTIVE of women and the harming of women has an Extra Emotional Impact on them. And if you need this EXPLAINED to you, YOU are fooked up, YOU are a woman hater, like this mgtow clearly is.

So I breathed a sigh of relief, because MW didnt need to explain shit to me!  i acknowledge there is something natural and good inside healthy men that drives them to protect and WHITE KNIGHT for women!

and that some mgtows dont seem to have that at ALL which makes them REALLY look like true women haters. its not normal or good for men to be like this.

women are part of your INGROUP! better to hate other races than hate all women including women of your own race! even if women dont give a shit about race or ingroup and will gladly be race traitors hahahaha. doesn’t matter. they’re still your women. MW understands this completely. as do I. great guy. I feel like I know him, we are kindred spirits.

it just bugs me that women can be stewards of something so good and sacred, but act like such god damn dirty whores, and that being such damn dirty whores might be something NATURAL and NORMAL for them. like thats part of normal Femininity. So maybe I am wrong for finding something Sacred And Beautiful in the Life Creation Process. Goodness Knows the Wielders of that power don’t treat it as such!!!!

well they dont NEED to! and just because THEY dont doesn’t mean it isnt a Sacred And Beautiful Process!

but i am also going overboard with this All Women Are Huge Whores thing. I actually know real actual women who arent huge whores. like That Woman. But it just hurts to think of her at all. I cant use her as my Example any more.

So I know this other woman I see about once a week at my social thing, the not super attractive one who is prob gonna get married to her BF. but i like and respect her. she actually is smart and has a sense of humor and says funny things sometimes! and she is nice and good and a decent woman and will be a good wife and mother. And I think she was a damn virgin until age 27 or whatever until she met this guy and they will probably get married! Heck it’s possible they might be saving themselves for marriage! more power to them!

but yeah she needs to become my new role model to prove Not All Women are Horrible Whores. I should spend more time wiht her hahaha.  just because she is a GOOD PERSON AND she’s a woman.

i really dont see myself falling in luv with her. I knew her BEFORE she met her boifran and she was single for YEARS and I was never interested. completely unlike with my female former friend. she was NEVER single, until she was, and THEN BOOM.  end of the world.

i listened to mill woes for like 3 hours yesterday. i feel a little guilty for ABANDONING him for months. because TRS was COOLER hahahaha. now I have ABANDONED TRS in favor of Woes hahaha. no they are both kewl. I have donated my hard earned money to BOTH groups. i can’t have white children of my own, so I donate to people who support white children. This is how I live the 14 words.

and we NEED women in order to live out the 14 words. ideally.

maybe some men just don’t WANT to have children. they just don’t feel that biological urge. and maybe some women do too. we see plenty of people who say “i hate children. I never want to have children.” but I feel a good number of them are lying to themselves. or they reach age 30 and say, uhh ya know, about that, yeah ive changed my mind, ive suddenly got baby rabies nao hahahaha.

I certainly didnt feel the urge until I was pretty old. It took until I was at least 30 before I had this articulated, unambiguous, decisive desire to have children.

before I saw children as a trap which locked you into your shitty job, your shitty city, your shitty wife. children tied you down. a prison. and Now I see it as putting down roots, a time machine, a legacy, really making an INVESTMENT in the world. investing yourself to create a newer, younger, better version of yourself. to vicariously live through hahahaha. yeah why not.

i guess i sorta feel confident when I post on Despair Forums. like yeah I really know what I am talking about and people like reading my shit and I like doing this. but then I get scared to go back and see what people have said in response.

like that thing I posted yesterday which i cross posted here. I was trying to think of a good celebrity or fictional example of positive masculinity. good confidence rather than dbag confidence.  i suggested hank hill. hank hill is good but he’s BORRRRRRING, women would think he was BORING. yeah well women are idiot whores hahahaha. hank hill is AWESOME. hes not boring AT ALL.

then I thought, how about an AUSTRALIAN MAN like Crocodile Dundee. I luv the stereotypical australian man. very manly, always talking shit, not afraid to fight. usually named Bruce, drinks VB all day, calls everyone cvnts and poofters and seppos and such.


^^^  this is the kind of feels a true straya bloke does not feel. he better stop going down this road or he is gonna turn into a feminized european eunuch or mgtow who does not care about defending his woman. or a despairing lazy loser like us hahahaha.  DONT DO IT MAN!!!!!!!


he should not be drinking fosters tho, cuz real strayans do not drink fosters, but probably vb like the guy below. but this guy demonstrates a right ripper attitude. absolutely 0 fooks given and he is just having a grand old time doing it. ripper m8.

that kind of shit. this guy might be a little soft and clearly needs moar sun, but he’s got the right idea. encourage those glorious shitposting aussies. they will show you how to be a MAN.

anyway act like an australian man and you will get to make babies. pref not a fat slob australian either. i mean is it ok to be a BOGAN? i dunno. Gnereally i think its good for an american to be a redneck or hilbilly, because they are often race conscious proud whites. but white trash? what about a CHAV or a “Wigger” hahahaha. i mean they literally talk like ghetto blacks and do drugs all day. and wear tracksuits.

neets hahaha. im not a neet if i take one 3 credit class every semester hahaha.

confidence. that is it. that is the cure all. that will cure everything wrong with you. literally. confidence. if i can give you confidence I would be very happy. if i could give myself confidence i would be very happy. so how do you do it?

i think getting on a confident TRACK from a young age helps a lot. just get the confidence young and never lose it. Im not sure I ever really HAD it!!!!!!!!!

i wasnt always this bad though. but i was never super confident for a long period of time. BUt I was generally a little more confident. but I should have been doing things to make that grow. and i wasnt really. I thought being a Bad Boy Rebel by drinking and smoking MJ and trying to play metal music was my best way to build confidence. it really wasnt! Maybe playing a concert would have done it, that was always my dream there, to be in In A Band and Play A Show like my friends did…..but I never achieved that goal. it actually takes a lot of work. you have to get a job, save up a ton of money and buy expensive equipment and practice regualrly and come up with songs and stuff. i said horry sheet thats too much WORK. also I was VERY frustrated because I had a permanent writers block: I could never write songs. I was always pressuring myself to write songs and I just could not do it. i was jealous of all these other people who just wrote songs. of course they were shitty metal songs of the late 90s. god damn what a pathetic scene. at least kids these days are ripping off kvlt black metal. back then they were ripping off pantera and machine head and i dunno, soulfly or some shit. those were REALLY dark days hahaha. like some peopel didnt even BOTHER getting into death metal. jeeeez. you can always rip off cannibal corpse or deicide!!!!! in this way we were more like the previous generation (gen x) than the current generation (millennials.)

so i was like shit i’m doing to well in school to blow off school totally and get a job and spend thousands of dollars on amps and guitars and shit. and a car. plus I cant WRITE shit, and I’m not really very GOOD. so that was some low confidence there. But I enjoyed smoking MJ, drinking, and playing covers of other people’s songs, borrowing other people’s equipment. but I was never really In The Band.

Once in a great while I worked on a Solo Project song. That was pretty good for my confidence actually. I would get to work and slave over those like once every 4 or 5 years hahaha. that is the rate at which I write music. takes 5 years to write ONE SONG.

Actually that was pretty good for my confidence though. I was experimenting with Home Recording on muh computer and slowly got better at it. but it was still very, very hard and frustrrating to write full songs. I could write ok parts of songs, just whole songs were very hard.

did I have the wrong friends or something? one of my friends was a bit of a dominating type at the time and always wanted to be The Boss. maybe that undermined my confidence a bit, but I know he didn’t mean it, and he got better as he became more mature. But I shouldn’t have been caring so much about his approval. but that is kinda natural to want the approval of your friends. anyway he was and is a good guy, but I did play almost a subordinate role there. Sidekick hahaha. I thought he was cooler than he thought I was cool. hehehehe. well later it turned out he thought I was pretty cool, I think he was just one of those classic tough guys.

It was pretty good, I am fan of the University of Texas and I know you all do great work, and I appreciate the clear instructions given here. However the Yahoo Shopping page did not load as intended. I suppose I could very easily search for….. OK, take a look at this if you please:
I looked up “garmin nuvi 350 gps receiver” myself in the Yahoo shopping search box, and got a pretty disappointing list of results: about 7000 items, and this model of Garmin Nuvi is nowhere to be found.
This official Garmin page for this model implies that this model has been discontinued. However I’m getting that only from the word “discontinued” in this URL, nothing on the this page clearly states that it’s discontinued.
however, this very similar page (but note the GB (Great Britain?) in the URL) does more clearly state it’s been discontinued.
Had to Google “is the garmin nuvi 350 discontinued” to find that one.
I am very happy to provide very detailed feedback to this and any other studies. Please contact me through mTurk if interested.
I used to work with a lot of “unknown unknowns” and would get frustrated when looking for answers to a seemingly simple question would just bring up more questions, and it was hard trying to get a straight yes or no answer to a legitimate question. At this point however, I would be pretty comfortable saying that this particular Garmin model is indeed discontinued.
But I’m not sure the average person pays as close attention to URLs as I do!

oh SNAP i am gonna get such a BONUS for that one!!

some of the good guy researchers do give bonus and i will suck them off all day for those big researchbux. federal grant money. shrimponatreadmill.gif

hehehe pasting the imgur links will put the image right in the post. not sure if imgur ever deletes images. didnt realize imgur did gifs.  i guess now they do.

is that what shrimps really look like? and I thought they looked gross when cooked and prepared for eating. no wonder i do not like them hahahaha. i mean that just looks like some zimmern shit. how can normal people EAT that?

did ridiculous astronomy related survey for one fookin dolla. it was long and tedious but it was better than answering phones hahahaha. but much less money making. but i really dont give a shit about stars or galaxies. i wish i did!

may 31

ok big interview tomorrow. got to prepare for that.

god almighty NOW I am starting to get pissed. I had ANOTHER dream with HER in it. this is like several days in a ROW. this is more days than NOT. and this dream was the worst because in it, we were supposedly Dating or had established a Real Rel where were touched each other and had secs and made out and such. that was great, but the downside is that she was being REALLY flaky and unreliable. hot and cold. cuddling with me one moment, angry and dumping me the next moment. I just wanted to hold on to her and not be dumped but she was impossible to keep happy. so there was the power angle of I was begging and she was holding everything over my head. when obviously the MAN needs to put his FOOT DOWN and say Cut The Bullshit Baby. Imma fook you till you cant walk straight and then you get in that kitchen and make me a huge ass dinner. a sammich isnt gonna cut it this time. aaaannnd a spanking too wouldnt hurt. because DAMN you are MISBEHAVIN.

and in real life she was never that flaky and unreliable! thats what I liked about her! she wasnt even flaky with the men in her life! she was loyal to them and made an effort and didnt make them jump through hoops!

Of course I’ve known women where you can be “dating” them but they are still flaky as fook. and that’s what SHE was acting like in this dream. not good for the confidence. cuz you can feel the woman leaving you. train wreck in semi slow motion. then your confidence wanes, she leaves you, your confidence crashes, and your world is destroyed hahahaha.

but yeah any dream where I am officially dating her and cuddling her is gonna be difficult.

oh well. not gonna ruin my day though. i did have to mention it though. because this is just ridiculous. i am having more dreams about her than I EVER did. mother fooking 288 days since i last emailed her. 322 days since I last talked to her and the shit went down. and now I am getting a burst of dreams.

i mean I just want to ERASE her from my memory altogether. shit like this does not help.

I was triggered by the comments to this image and the accompanying post, basically an anti-millenial thing saying these people are autistic, dont tuck their shirt in, put emojis on their resume and cant spell, dont look you in the eye, have no people skills, dont know how to talk to people, and cant give you a good reason why they want the job, etc. a lot of people in the comments were triggered too.

because i am a bit awkward in the interviews but I do have decent people skills. kind of. i mean they are at least average and not “completely unemployable.” but maybe average IS completely unemployable.

somewhat said, what you lack in skills you must make up for in CHARISMA. hahahaha. good thing I have neither. yeah well neither does SHE, she doesnt DESERVE to make 15 bucks an hour.

heh. what if those places that I am wanting to TURN DOWN simply dont ever call me and I dont ahve to turn them down? that would be kinda dissapointing. when you do ok on an interview and STILL dont get a call back.

cuz I probably do unemployable shit like mentioned in that post hahaha.

if you have more than 3 jobs in 5 years, you aint getting a call from me! hahahahahaha

that equals 1.67 years you must stay in every job. i guess 1 year isnt good enough hahahaha.

i wonder if places pay 15 bucks an hour just because they are SO SHITTY thats the only way they can convince people to not quit immediately!

shit like this almost makes me want to join the LABOR MOVEMENT because they really do stand up for workers against Evil Employers hahahaha BUT…..they are also more marxist than your average marxist! pure tranny loving communists, antiwhite, pro-abortion, pro-slut, all the worst shit ever.

putting the A in NSDAP hahahahahahahaha

at least I THOUGHT the A stood for Arbeit hahahaha. that is what I am getting at here. Arbeit. NSDAP. Ol Uncle Al. Did nothing wrong. 14 words.

I wonder if That Woman was ever Sexually Abused or Molested when she was a child. It would actually make a lot of sense, well apart from she never became a huge slut, but she did seem like a frightened child in many ways. And while her mother was not good at finding a reliable man, I DONT think the mother was so stupid that she would choose men who would molest her daughter.  but thats women though. they dont THINK. they dont THINK this secsy badboi might molest their children. they dont THINK this secsy badboi is gonna knock them up and run off.

so, just assume one of her mothers boifrans molested her as a child and that is why she runs away like a frightened child. you just have to feel PITY for that.

how many men REALLY molest children though? I would never molest a child! how could you BE so depraved? yet it turns out 1 out of 2 women have been molested or raped. hehehehe. no the feminist places say 1 out of 4, but thats probably a little high. so lets say 1 out of 5. 20% of women have been molested probably by….10% of men or less. therefore, only 20% of women are psycho ruined, and only 10% of men are incomprehensible evil monsters that should definitely be ovened immediately.

also, whenever I start thinking about HER, just STOP and replace HER with thoughts of this other woman I know that I mentioned above. I am not in luv with this woman, but she is a positive, decent woman in every way. VERY low number, quite moral, never cheated, never been a whore, never hurt a fly, and will be a great wife and mother. just think of her. she can be my new role model of NAWALT.

I have kind of a bad attitude towards HR and executive management in companies. I don’t think HR should be putting together teams, I think this should be done by project managers or other team leads. I generally feel managers and HR are out of touch with what their employees do, and that most new policies are poorly-thought-out approaches to cut costs in very unrealistic ways. I think HR departments are generally a waste of money, and that managers need to truly listen to their employees, not micromanage, and be serious about retaining skilled employees for the long-term.

for business school study.


and if she WASNT molested…..then she should REALLY know better hahahhaaha.

well you cant hate someone who was molested as a child. you just feel sorry for them and know theres nothing you can do about it, and leave them to their sad lives. and be glad you dont have to live with them and they are dragging you down with them hahahahaha. all because of the evil sins of one badboi many years ago.

You can’t just Show Up To Work. You need to ATTACK your work with a real active gung-ho attitude.

hahahahaha. gonna use that one in my interview.

Please describe in detail the one situation that makes you, or has made you, extremely fearful or afraid.

Please try to vividly imagine the experience, and write your description so that someone reading it might get scared just from reading this.
Nothing life or death, just a matter of decision making anxiety. I can’t see making it scary like Stephen King. But I had a very complex, complicated, confusing job where I would take telephone calls all day from people with technical/computer issues. They all had problems and it was my job to fix these problems. What frightened me was that I felt woefully undertrained and that I was drowning, because they would be describing things that I did not understand. I always thought, I have no idea what’s going on here, and it’s my JOB to FIX it? I don’t even know what this process looks like when it’s not broken! I have no sense of judgment or perspective here! I don’t know what’s right or wrong. I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know what to tell them. Yet it’s my job to try to fix this, and also communicate an image of myself as a competent, confident expert. You never know what the next call will bring. It might be easy and straightforward, but it might be the weirdest thing you have ever heard. It was kind of like taking an exam filled with tough trick questions, all day every day, and having to explain your answers to an anxious person, when you had not taken a course preparing you for the test, and the only help you got was through a chat room. Many times I thought “Can’t somebody else take this? I have no idea what I’m doing, and I sound like an idiot. I know I’m not an idiot, but I just don’t feel ready to do this.”
It was frustrating and nerve-wracking more than scary or fearful, but I always had a “knot of dread” in my stomach as I waited for my day of phone calls to begin, and could not relax when I got home, thinking about the things that didn’t make sense, and what kind of strange, nonsensical things would happen tomorrow, and how I would deal with them. Would one day I even “snap” and run out of the room crying like a baby? I kind of felt like Private Pyle in “Full Metal Jacket.” Just pushed to your limit and not knowing if one day you were going to snap.
Well I did not snap, thankfully. I gradually became more confident and competent. But then I guess I eventually did snap! There were new things to learn constantly, so you could never get TOO confident or familiar. And we were constantly pushed to do more with less, more new things being added to out plates.
I faced a crisis in my personal life which turned into a crisis at the job. I felt I could not do my job and that my mind was falling apart. I completely distrusted in my sense of judgment to make a decision. I lost confidence in myself as a competent, smart person able to make good decisions.


but yeah. having dreams about her every night, is almost like actually seeing her again. and also the dreams i have present a totally unreal version of her. TOTALLY in my mind. so how am i supposed to stop thinking about her, if i constantly have DREAMS about her?

well i am sure the dreams will slowly taper off. shit. i didnt ALWAYS have so many dreams about her.

yep. just assume she was molested as a child, feel sorry for her, and replace her with thoughts of this other woman. the nice decent nonslut woman i am not attracted to.

I wonder if you could write Fraudulent Letters of Recommendation from people you used to work with, who got along with you, but you never got an OFFICIAL letter of recommendation from them. It’s PROBABLY better just to ASK them though. if you are really desperate though, its worth a try. shit if its been a long time and theyve written a lot of letters and they generally like you, they might not even remember if they ever wrote you a letter or not.

I SUPPORT MY TEAM by buying them donuts, bagels, coffee regularly to show my appreciation and comraderie. If there is ever an empty coffee pot I make more coffee even if I don’t want any.

hahahah. well this is partially true. I was very good at making coffee. I would be the first one there, and make 2 pots of coffee (there were 2 coffee makers because a lot of people drank a lot of coffee. except for the dbags that were too good for folgers so they went and spent money on tim hortons hahahaha.)

ok printed my bullshit out. 2 rec letters, 1 list of references, 1p res, and my 3-4 pages of notes.

i should really go to a place like MARSHALLS or TJ MAXX or BURLINGTON or NORDSTROM RACK to try to find a cheaper dark blue goat. i mean coat.

I also like the idea of a lighter gray suit just to mix things up. have a dark suit, dark gray or dark blue, and then a light suit. light gray.

have a dark blue suit and also a light gray suit. BOOM. 12 dollar an hour job 4U.

red tie and a blue tie. no fancy patterns.

white shirt and a blue shirt. no stripes, no patterns.

i wonder if wearing CUFFLINKS would be a plus. probably. it shows you are way too classy to use cuff buttons like a PLEB. like BOGAN WHITE TRASH.

not wearing cuff links is as bad as not tucking your shirt in!

maybe you should wear some kind of 1488 cufflinks hahahaha. little nazi deaths heads hahahaha. NSDAP.

National Socialist German Workers‘ Party (German: About this sound Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei (help·info), abbreviated NSDAP), commonly referred to in English as the best party ever which should come to fascistic power in the USA under The Don Drumpfenfuhrer hahahahaha…..

see, they were ALL ABOUT the WORKING MAN.

IMHO only with Racialist Nationalism can you make the very few good aspects of Socialism and Workers Rights really work in a good way.

In other words, the only good kind of socialism is national socialism.

the only good kind of worker’s party is a national socialist worker’s party hahahahahahahaha.

workers’ i mean. s’.

but yeah. i want to erase that woman from my mind permanently. i dont want to see her in dreams. i dont want to ever think of her again. she did a lot of good in my life and i truly luved her……but she was a net negative. more bad than good. it was not WORTH meeting her, even counting the too-simple “lessons” I learned. it was just pointless, meaningless pain to suffer through and not grow from. i wish i never met her. then i would never think or dream of her. her face and body would not exist in my mind at all. the memory of her as a real person. real person, real PAIN.

and then this person is off sucking dicks like a whore. or not. it doesnt matter. but it does matter to you.

ayo hol up. i dont think you get how well we got along together. i do not get along this well with people. let alone qt, young, nonslut, totally marriageable WOMEN. it seemed like a real gift from god. like theres someone for everyone. i finally thought i had met The One, after a lot of disappointments. but it was just another disappointment. the biggest disappointment of ALL!

also i didnt like in the dream that i guess we were Dating, which would have been technically GREAT, but the only thing I saw in the dream was the bad times. no cuddling or niceness. just fighting and distance and im gonna leave you, you disgust me.

What do you think reduced/limited your ability to come up with more and more original ideas?
I think I came up with at least an average number of ideas. At my best, I am probably very creative, but I also go through periods of very low confidence and high anxiety. This definitely affects my cognitive and emotional functioning and make me generally less creative. Also I can get easily overwhelmed with complexity at work, where I get so confused, that I prefer simple solutions, rather to difficult problems that need to get solved quickly. If I am going to be creative, it has to be in a relaxed environment. I cannot be that creative under pressure. I do not work well under pressure.

Do you have any final comments for us related to this study?
I did not feel pressured here, so I could be fairly creative. At my job I am under so much pressure to think of solutions, that sometimes I lose confidence and begin to believe that I am not that creative at all, and that I don’t like thinking about complex topics. I do…but I just do not perform well under heavy pressure.

I did not like that about muh job. I technically AM a smart and creative guy, but I don’t like being put under constant pressure to think of solutions. then I just want to stupefy my mind, and I convince myself that I am just a dummy who is not and smart and creative as he thought he was. Just want to turn off my mind and stop thinking. Not think about things. Thinking Sucks. I want to turn my mind into mush with MJ hahahaha. creativity is for f4ggots.

but ideally, really, I am kind of a creative thoughtful guy.

but everything in the work world is done under extreme, constant pressure. something or someone is always on your ass to do better. It’s not like a class where hey I got 88%, this is pretty good! it’s like why didn’t you get 100% you incompetent moron! it’s like the high expectations asian father .jpg

its not a hugbox like skool were 90% woohoo you are way above average. its like why arent you getting 100% every single time. you fooked it up, ya fookup. no wonder people are fooking PERFECTIONISTS. because their managers and their customers are BITCHING at them when they get 1% off. being like we can fire you for any reason. first 90 days. we got plenty of people who want your job, making 15 bucks an hour. we can find another guy who doesnt fook this up.

like I say this job Im interviewing for tomorrow pays like 18 bucks an hour and is essentially a level 2 clerk. meaning I might not be the first one answering the phones…..but I will be the one the level 1’s ask for HELP. when I have no fooking CLUE what is going on. Which I guess is better than answering the phone. so my response is, let me figure that out. you can escalate that to me and I will call them back within 72 hours hahahaha. let me put on my attorney hat and tell you why we’re rejecting your application for a license. because city code bla bla states bla bla. sorry nothing we can do. i dont have a manager. i am the city mayor hahahaha.

nope albanians and arabs not welcome here. see this Huge Hakenkreuz on my chest? that means NOT WELCOME.

oh sorry mayor I was just exercising autonomy, I don’t require constant supervision, so I made an independent decision. come on, you know you don’t like those people either hahahaha lemme buy you a beer and we can talk about how much we hate nonwhites hahahaha. and then you can promote me.

heh. you gotta have STORIES of when you were INTERACTING with people. and how you successfully communicated with them and fixed shit like a boss.

resolving conflict. dealing with difficult people. this is the most important skill. and figuring out difficult situations under pressure.

i mean this job I would LOVE to get. I would even take 60% of the time on the phone. if this job were answering phones about water bills, I would take it because it is close and it is great pay.

if it were doing post office work, i would definitely take it because it would be the equivalent of a career job with regular schedule and weekends off. 9 to 5 mon thru fri. you dont get that at the post office at all. you dont get that at most jobs!

i couldnt really lowball them on wage because its a union job tho. like ILL DO THIS JOB FOR 15 BUCKS AN HOUR! SEE I ALREADY SAVED YOU 6000 DOLLARS A YEAR!

but yeah i hate having dreams about her. I wish I could just remember how she REALLY WAS. the dreams dont do that. also her running away like a scared child doesnt do that. that really wasnt who she was. but people act out of character and disappoint you when they are AFRAID. the opposite of luv is not hate, its fear hahahahahahaha.

so yeah i forgive her, i dont hate her, i can even UNDERSTAND this, it actually does make sense. she got scared and she ran away. period. its very simple. but its still very disappointing, and its a very sad, disappointing, bad way to remember her. So I don’t want to remember her at all.

hahahahahaha fook roosh that degenerate, but its interesting how he is flirting with the nondgenerate lifestyle now. the comments are better than the article. the author sounds like kind of a cheapskate dickhead hahaha.


[ NOV 9 2016::: yep pretty big deal about this election. just enjoying the schadenfreude, taste the tears of shitlib losers hahaha. obviously happy about the YUGE BIGLY victory. we are going to DRAIN THE SWAMP and BUILD THE WALL. glad to see a VINDICATION for FOOKING WHITE MALES. these are MY PEOPLE and I am glad that real everyday Working White people have some Real Political Power. I thought hillary was gonna win so this is a pleasant surprise. the shitlib tears and butthurt is absolutely AMAZING, i LUV it, though wish I knew some more IRL trump fans. and sometimes i do get triggered by the butthurt, esp white males crying about how much white people SUCK, thats very rustling, but you know what, YOU LOST, TRAITOR hahahahaha. there is talk that it was WHITE WOMEN who pushed trump towards victory, if that is true, then that makes me feel a HELL of a lot better about white women. selling out their gender to submit to the white patriarchy. just do me a favor and look at how antiwhite the anti-trump people are. really think about that. there’s nothing you can do, whitey, to keep the left from hating you. you have to become like THAT, and constantly say whites sucks, whites suck, whites suck, for the left to like you.

oh yeah. in case muh READERS were unaware, and I appreciate my 30 followers, THANK YOU!!!! but you HAVE to realize by now, I am a trump supporter, I am a part of the Alt-Right Movement, I am a White Racist, and I am Pro-White and all about The 14 Words: We Must Secure The Existence of Our People and a Future For White Children. I don’t HATE anybody, but I can’t possibly convince anyone of that, and its not worth the effort trying. I mean I HATE that people have become so anti-white!!!!!

But its because its all karma for slavery and oppression the white man has perpetrated, right, so now we have to pay it back, always and forever. karmas a bitch, and it will be SO GREAT when these WHITE PEOPLE are out of power, but we gotta go thru 4 more years of suffering, maybe 8, hahahahaha.

these people are antiwhite as fook and I just cannot accept that. and there are plenty of whites who are like, yeah, but white people DESERVE IT. Whites have done SO much injustice! Whites DESERVE it! hell yeah I’m gonna check my privilege and fight for a world where whites are no longer a majority!

Yeah well I’m not that kind of white and I am happy Our Guy won. Yeah we are definitely projecting a ton of shit onto him, he will probably end up selling out and softening, but i say give him a chance. he tapped into REAL white working class populist shit like no candidate has in my lifetime, and I appreciate that fully. (Plenty of college edumacated white professionals certainly do not!)

anyway enjoy the shitlib tears, you’ll get to enjoy them for the next 4 years, hopefully 8 HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. and if trump ever falters, there will be another to take his place. he’s opened the gate and we will certainly see more blatantly alt-right (pro white) candidates in the future…..and we will NEED them.

BUILD THE WALL, repeal the immigration act of 1965 hahahaha.

you will get moar election related poasts in like june 2017, thats how far behind this thing is.


april 29 2016:::

i was listening to the fatherland podcast and they started talking about the Neet Question in such a serious way that it nearly brought a tear to my eye. The host Jim is very good at that, i think he was getting emotional too, as he shared the story of his sad, pathetic, 40 year old neet brother.

I wouldnt mind a whole show talking like this about neets, but yeah it IS really sad and despairing and might even make the tuff marine NO1 cry like a baby when you confront the stark sad reality of it, rather than treat neets like a joke. co host and executive longsuffering produce bradan agrees, that we treat the neet question with too much jest, when in reality, being a neet is GRIM and SAD as FOOK.

but yeah this show is so good, thats the reason i have permalinked in in the sidebar. and the show is just getting better with honest talks such as this.

a 40 year old neet whose life never really moved forward after high school. he is a weirdo with a small world and a small mind and can only play or talk about vidya games. he is too weird to spend much time with his young niece. jim admits some similar tendencies but was able to overcome them and find a good wife and some kind of tolerable job.

believe me, i dont like being a neet at ALL. its HORRIBLE.

but also being at a terrible job is also terrible. its honestly about as bad. the shame of being a neet will seem like a good bargain. in fact i think it still is a good bargain. and i TURNED DOWN a job on a SILVER PLATTER to go back to another call center.

also I learned my lesson, to not even look at her NAME on facebook. I can write her name or talk about her, but to see her actually writing or saying things herself is too much.

yeah shes got a right to exist and i will not infringe that, but I am dead to her, so she should be figuratively irrelevant and invisible to me. its not good for me to SEE her living her life in any way. she’d rather talk to other people than talk to me ever again.

but yeah it sucks to have someone be a good influence on you and you want more of them in your life…..but you are a bad influence on them and they want you out of their life. this is devastating to the self confidence.

in other words I should have not gone to that facebook page where she was likely to post. then I saw the most innocuous post ever from her and was triggered just by her saying 1 sentence to other people. cuz thats more than she would say to me. imagine if her picture showed her face or body or her with a new BF or she was making lots of in depth posts like I do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway that was yesterday this is today. new day.

its not like i was looking for her. I was looking for Public News Stories about the Job, about the center being SHUT DOWN and about 50 ft jobs being cut in the city. easily the type of thing that could appear in a business news section. i guess I should have known better about clicking on a FACEBOOK page in the google search results.

its like deep down i WANTED to see if her name was there, and when I did see it, I got bad sad fee fees hahahaha. DONT DO THAT!!!!!

damn that TON album slow deep and hard is really good. one of their best. it is arguably more carnivore than TON but I don’t mind. also I don’t find the production as shitty as the band does. I think the production is great, everything sounds great. There is a great arrangement ear for songwriting here. great songs made up of great riffs. almost every song is coverable. yeah ok some parts are stronger than others and one song starts to drag after 9 minutes, but this is all excuseable. Pete’s vocals are very very on point. he is a very good scream/shouter.  the album perfectly captures heartbreak and betrayal and despair and anger and all that. I have just enjoyed the album more and more over the past 17 or 18 years since I first heard it hahahaha wow. I could always come back to this album.

And yeah the goth/rock/fun influences they added on bloody kisses are great too. I enjoy that album greatly too. but SDH has a real edge to it. And some argue that “Der Untermensch” aka “Waste of Life” does not fit the theme…..but DAT RIFF is so good I don’t care. plus it kinda does fit the theme. Often when you are heartbroken the only thing that can get your mind off The Woman, is the idea of how Shitty And Disgusting Other People are, hahaha. Degenerate Deadbeat Parasites, hahaha.

Origin of the Feces is also very good despite its completely degenerate, 3edgy5u cover art. the covers of hey joe and paranoid are outstanding. they even play the waste of life riff once, at a super slow snails pace, which is how I would do my cover of the whole song hahaha. They should have done the whole song like that on OOF. The rearrangements are somewhat hit or miss, but even the “misses” are enjoyable.

i am very good about going to the Gym….but my GOD are the people ANNOYING. they are not intimidating as I once worried, but they are just ANNOYING as FOOK. at this point I crank up the speed or incline and listen to “waste of life” again hahaha. arabs that bathe in cologne. arabs and albanians that speak loudly in arabic or albanian. people talking on their phones loudly. blacks who listen to their rap music and move their arms and legs in an obnoxious “swagger” sort of way as the rap guys say profound, inspiring, admirable, noble, good things about crack and bitches be bitches and dolla dolla bills yall and gettin turnt up on purple drank and banging ratchet white becky bitches and going to the trap house and smoking blunts erry day. shit I would rather be a 40 year old neet virgin hahaha than a degenerate moron.

did I mention the story of the older arab woman who was chattering loudly in arabic and couldnt figure out how to use the treadmill and then turned it up too high and then fell down on the treadmill right next to me. Now I want to help any elderly people regardless of race, but I just froze and couldnt think quickly. now I know that you should just press the stop button on the treadmill hahaha. i stood there like an idiot and quickly a staff member who spoke arabic came rushing up, and i snuck away and went to a treadmill on the other end of the facility.

the staff has been very very good. friendly and professional and I have been nothing but impressed by these decent young people.

or people with stupid tattoos, and attractive young women with skin tight clothing. they dont need to do this.

but overall it has been a good experience because i am exercising reguarly and burning a lot of calories. and putting up with the annoying people. but my god are they fookin ANNOYING. it makes me feel very hateful, like i could never relate to people or make friends or get along with women hahahaha. feel very misanthropic.

but hey it gets my mind off that woman, and it helps me lose weight, so its all good.

also I have definitely made SOME progress in the past 9 months. I dont think about that woman AS much. it IS slooooooooooooooooooowly getting better. so thank GOD for that.

im still not sure what I WANT from her. as in, do I WANT her to contact me and apologize? sort of, but I also WANT her to be with me, and I would use that towards that end, unsuccessfully. get my hopes up again. or be disappointed that she wasnt apologizing well enough, didnt seem to understand. disappointed if she wanted to be just friends, while she fooked guys and lived life and makes money and we went to a much more superficial shallow friendship than we had in the past.

i mean the shit that happened between us is MAJOR and really the only way to get through it would be to have HOURS of conversation about it, and probably for her to wholeheartedly commit to me as a monog long term GF. t show me a lot of luv and support and effort. make time for ME. WANT to spend time with me. dont nag me because you make more money than me.  these are all pretty big things to ask, which she prob wouldnt be willing or able to do.

we’d have to both get back to the level of closeness we had before, in the good times, AND move that forward into a Definite Dating Rel. THAT is what I want, and that is VERY unlikely to happen even if she DOES contact me at some point. at BEST she would give a halfhearted apology, talk about how good she’s doing, and then move on with her successful life after appeasing her guilt with this one small token.

still not ready to return to facebook yet. that will take at least a year hahahah. and really. how useful was facebook anyway? I dont really miss it. I’m kinda glad to be RID of it. stalking people I never talk to, reading peoples bullshit news feeds, comparing myself to them. I very well may NEVER go back to facebook. facebook is a net negative.

all my real friends have my email and phone and I have THEIR email and phone.

I would recommend You All try deactivating your facebook for at least a month or 3 and see how it works for you! It’s been a pretty good thing for me!

trump protestors. what pathetic subhumans hahahaha. i don’t like any of the non trump candidates but Im not gonna fooking PROTEST them. carl the cuck and aids skrillex losers. ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW. WOW. JUST WOW. I CANT EVEN. YOURE A FOOKING WHITE MALE.

shit i give the recruiter a list of thirty names, and they respond with yeah the center closing is not confidential because we already know about it. if you have any referrals id greatly appreciate it.


you’re making 50 grand a year and this is the level of cluelessness you show?

it’s just been really hard for me to understand people making good money for being clueless, incompetent, and inefficient, in the business world, which is supposed to trim fat and increase efficiency.

they aim to do that on paper…….. but give the surface the SLIGHTEST scratch, and you will find HORRIFYING disorganization and incompetence. managed by a team of college educated managers. its an OBVIOUS DISGRACE the way these companies are run. if their CUSTOMERS saw this, they would RUN AWAY and the company would RIGHTFULLY go out of business. I hate this shit. I guess I have THAT much respect for asshole customers hahaha. i just REFUSE to scam and bullshit people.

I suppose “referral” must mean here is the persons phone number, you can call them, and I’ve gotten express permission from them to have you contact them and say I referred them. I didn’t say this. I wanted to be kept anonymous and really gave them a bunch of “leads” as opposed to “referrals.”

hey I dont know best practices in the recruiting field!

But I guess that makes me just as smart and competent as someone WORKING IN the recruiting field!

You want to hope that people are skilled experts……but you know JUST AS MUCH as the “EXPERTS!”

your shot in the dark is just as good as their best practices!!!!!!!

THEY DONT KNOW THEIR OWN BEST PRACTICES!!!!!!! and they are PAID for this service!!!!!!!


i am VERY frustrated by this.

then you take it too far and start doubting all experts and start becoming anti-science and anti-intellectual. evolution is just a “THEORY” hahahaha. dinosaurs are just a “THEORY”.

but questioning authority is generally a good thing.

it would suck if trump has a heart attack or something. he is like 70 years old, how can he be so high energy all the time. I know he is in great health, but….i mean I just dont want him to overexert himself. he has to live for at least the next 8 years hahaha. he is our only hope hahaha.

questions for potential wife.txt: why don’t you have any respect for human life or the process that creates it?


ok took some time to complete a decent application for a university FT clerk job I would be stupid not to apply for.

a few months ago i would have been like noooo the whole application process is too excruciating. but i have come a long way baby. i converted my txt files to doc files this time around, see if that helps.  included link to shiny new linkedin profile.

open office, when you save as a doc file, does not show the god damn date modified whatsoever! so stupid! this is persuading me to try libre office now.

I lost somebody who was important to me in a very hurtful way and it hurt me a lot! and they dont seem to care at all! these facts cannot be denied hahaha. that is the basics of the situation. show some care and concern about me and the good, valuable, important friendship we had!

well i am not the worst neet becuase I care about lifting myself up from neetness. I dont want to be a neet. I apply for jobs and talk to recruiters and take assessments and put on semi nice clothes and shave. I apply for dozens of jobs. I exercise regularly and am successfully losing weight. I care about things other than anime and vidya. I dont like these things at all. all this puts me WAY ahead of the average neet.

but yeah if i had to do a masters degree, it would probably be a psychology related thing to neets and or marriage and relationships. all with a heavy counseling angle.

so you see why I am not chomping at the bit to do a masters degree. there is NO WAY you can make this degree profitable. unless you get into a decent all expenses paid PHD program…..and that is not gonna happen.

it would literally be more profitable for me to work in a call center the rest of my life.

hahahahha some phaggot protester is holding a sign saying TRUMP = NAZI omg hahahaha. this is literally the level of these people. it sounds like a parody but its REALITY.

literally literally literally. heh. get this word out of your vocabulary. you’ve been hanging out with WOMEN too much. fook that shit. dont talk like a WOMAN hahahaha.

come on. WOMEN arent that bad. even SHE wasnt that bad. sure she was a little dumb and annoying when i mattered THE MOST but that doesnt make her a bad person. i just wish she had been better to me, and that she recognizes the error of her ways and asks to BE with me. not gonna happen, hahaha.

fookin recruiters. another jackass bitch from linkedin wanting to recruit for a “technical support ENGINEER” who “enjoys solving complex technical problems.”  this wouldnt be so bad if it didnt mean CALL CENTER where you are forced to cut corners and bullshit people on complex problems just to “handle” the most calls as quickly as possible.

email us back with the exact error code and we will get back to you within 72 hours. even though you told them exactly when and where it happened.

also they tell YOU to be more specific and to give more information……but they are not specific about what information. tell us the line number and your computer properties. COMPUTER PROPERTIES??????

I would ASSUME that what they want is the stuff under “computer properties” when you press shift+pause break. excuse me, win+pausebreak. =  System Information.

normies don’t know how to win+pausebreak and I wouldnt expect them to. I bet SHE didnt know about win+pausebreak.  that INCOMPETENT MORON who didnt DESERVE her job!!!!! hahaha. i only learned about it from an autistic level 1 guy. he loved the shit out of vidya and anime.

MAYBE i could go back to a tech support call center later in life when i have more strength and confidence and toughness, and then actually make some good money. some people actually do make a good living in this field. like she is shaping up to be one of those people. i was shaping up to be one of those people until i had my breakdown. because of HERRRRRRR hahahaha. no because of my Inability To COPE with Herrrrrrrrrrr.

unsuccessfully coping with the natural beauty of being thrown away like a piece of garbage hahahaha

thats a TON reference

(type o negative)

see I think my jokes are funny but you kinda need other people to think the jokes are funny in order for them to be REALLY funny.

literally funny.

its not funny if NO ONE GETS the joke.

ok libre office documents show the date modified. that settles it. i am switching over.

shit i cant believe i looked at porn in november hahahah. that brings my streak back to under 6 months.

actually its techincally less since i saw some SLUT on TUMBLR in like february…….but I eventually forced myself to stop looking at that and didnt Jerk Off to the dirty degenerate fatherless whore spreading her cvnt and asshole to the whole world and calling it erotic art.

heh. anti hillary and anti bernie protesters are not as degenerate and uncouth and barbaric as these disgraceful anti trump protestors. just fooking riff raff.

yeah it would have been so nice to have a normie relship with a woman i really liked and really got along with. i have not cuddled with a gurl in like 11 years, havent had good heterosexual fun in 11 years. the closest was a retarded very random drunken make out session with a random drunk gurl a little over 10 years ago, but even that was a big dropoff in fun from the 11 years ago action. that (the 11 years one) was with some bitch i was in luv with…..but we didnt actually KNOW each other or really get along with each other, they way I did with woman2015. it just felt really good to have a cute gurl making out with me rubbing against muh d hahahaha. you get harder than you ever could to porno.

and if i could have done that with HER, it would have been even better. cuz we had something REAL hahaha.

it just sucks that she has experienced being in a rel for 5 years, and me for never more than 3 shitty months hahahah.

so when we had a good 2 year friendship, that meant a lot to me. thats a LOT to get from a woman. for me. women usually want nothing to do with me, and i want nothing to do with them. a total mgtow hahahaha.

i mean i dont want random secs, i want a rel. and in a way, i did have a rel with her. so its no surprise i got deep feelz for her.

those other gurls i made out and cuddled and fell in luv with…..we never had a real rel. I had a more real rel with That Woman. and a real rel means a lot to me.

All Yall Bitches an Hoes just cannot understand this and need it severely Mansplained haha.

Men understand Relationships and Luv much better than Women do.  Such a shame men need women to have a Hetero RElationship hahahahaha.

no not all women are so incompetent at relationships. in fact SHE was VERY competent in OTHER relationships! she just didnt want to be competent with ME! i’m not even TALKING about her wanting a rel with me! I’m talking about her wanting to be COMPETENT with me!

its not fair to her and really not fair to me either to blame it on her being a dumb whore…..because shes not. i purposely stay away from dirty whores. i am DONE with dirty whores and refuse to associate with that filth. you see too much of that, and you begin to think all women are like that, and thats how you become a true woman hater.

she was not a dirty whore but she STILL hurt me deeply. just a difficult, sad, tough situation with no easy answers hahahaha. well other than i need to be more assertive and timely with my communication. just take charge of shit and not let it get out of hand.

why dont companies give good training to their employees?

because it costs too much money!

why dont companies give good service to their customers?

because it costs too much money!

now you’re getting it!!!!!!

believe me i am not anti-business!!!!! and i say fook “corporate social responsibility!” but i say companies should have a responsibility to train their employees to provide GOOD service to their customers!

just run a business like a good decent honest white man would! thats it!!!! and that really IS too much to ask.

its really not too much to ask to ask women to be decent and mature people. i dont want this event to make me think that all women are horribly immature and cant act responsibly in a relationship.  they just never have with ME hahahaha.

well thats not even true. the sluts i never even really knew treated me more responsibly and maturely than the woman I Truly Knew did.

oh well. just find some damn dirty whore because thats all women are anyway.


Well maybe they respect human life……..just not the process that creates it.  thats acceptable right?


because its a slippery slope to not respecting human life period. getting abortions and cheating and lying and screwing and j00ing and abandoning and betraying.

they dont understand this though.

I guess they dont need to udnerstand it, as long as they dont Act like whores and do all those horrible things. actions speak louder than understanding or not understanding hahahaa.

also they might not UNDERSTAND it but they still have a solid moral code that says “casual sex is gross and I Just Don’t Do That.” that’s MORE than good enough for me hahahaha.

Casual Sex to me is when you know the guy less than two months before fooking them. Shit I would LIKE at least SIX months, but if you were to look at the Distribution Curve…’d probably find a Big Hump at like ONE month.

we need to bring that up to six months, at least.

sex before two months, abortions, cheating, these bitches have no guilt or shame about these things.


she probably felt SOME guilt about the way she dumped me, rightfully so. she just probably got OVER that guilt a LOT quicker than I got over the pain and got over her. I want the pain of guilt for her to be at LEAST 50% of the pain I felt from being Walked Out On by an Important Person.

not 100, not 90, just 50. i take responsibility for 50% of my feelings hahahahahahahaha.

also, if she had TRIED, she could have saved me 10% of my pain, at least. it doesnt sound like a lot……but 10% of a billion dollars is still a LOT of money. so she would have saved me a LOT of pain, and i would have APPRECIATED it a LOT. I would have been a LOT less bitter.

this was a very SAD thing and I was/am very BITTER as well as sad.

yeah i will get over it all, it will just take a LONG time and she could have helped make that time shorter with just a LITTLE effort on her part. show ANY effort. a LITTLE effort is a LOT better than NO effort.

also it would have been nice if, as a part of quickly getting over her guilt, she did SOMETHING, made a GESTURE of penance and amends as part of appeasing that guilt.

i mean if she did that now….well i would just ask her, is there any chance you would want to go out with me. yes or no. NOT i dont know. if theres a chance lets try it. if theres not, tell me NO. not MAYBE. if maybe, lets just try it. like you dont fook guys you know less than two months hahahaha you cvmhungry whore. cvmgry.

i am indecisive and dont know on alot of stuff. confused and unsure and on the fence. but when it comes to the women i luv, i am All In for Them. of that there is no doubt. certainly I have never been on the receiving end, but I would like a woman to give me a CHANCE for more than 2 or 3 months hahahaha. how can I not even last 3 months. that is a bit humiliating. theyd rather get their ass pounded by swarthy strangers than hang out with ME. you start to develop an inferiority complex. like you arent Cool or Sexy or Exciting or Manly enough for Women.

heh. at this point i dont care that the women from 11, 12 years ago are WAY more successful than me. And one day I will not care that woman2015 is way more successful than me hahaha. I do wish I were a little more successful though. successful enough to pull a decent woman ahahaha.

and i found a decent woman and we were good friends for a long time wawawawawawawa. and then it ended in the worst way ever wawawawwawa.

hahahahaha i was more than cool enough for her until i started liking her hahaha. then that was just GHASTLY and ABOMINABLE and HORRIFYING to her. ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING. thanks i appreciate that hahaha.

fookin .05/.10 holdem hahahaha. getting into the big leagues now.  this is about 2 to 4 cents. when i sit down with a 10.00 chip stack that is about $4.54 USD.

heh. well maybe in january 2017 my state will have legal w33d and i will be getting blazed all the time hahahahaha. like that is a good thing.  then i would fail all these goddamn drug tests.

i mean when an important person in your life goes away, it leaves a VOID. i wouldnt mind filling that void. sometimes smoking MJ is a way you can filled various voids. probably not a good thing though.

i am just mad she can handle a grown up job and make good money. yes it is discouraging to have women who reject you also make more money than you and be more career successful than you. whatever happened to the wage gap. i thought men were supposed to make more than women. and if you are a man who is very bad at making money, you will be considered invisible or repulsive by women. I mean she is 8 years younger than me and makes 3 dollars an hour more than I am looking for!!!!

when a MUCH younger WOMAN makes a LOT more money than you…..that is humiliating. especially when she has rejected you extremely harshly.