april 20 1488

in the past we would celebrate degenerate MJ day……but as a grown ass man, we know theres only one thing to celebrate today.  AH did nothing wrong, the good guys lost the war.

had a dream with the former woman6, who I removed from that lineup because she really was a huge slut and dirty mudshark and she was not worthy of muh luv. but she was cute and she had a chance, but she just didnt behave herself, and she really was not the kind of nice, chill, kind person I wanted her to be…..which woman2015 was wawawawawawawa. she was just a crazy slut who was seriously affected by her daddy issues and she was probably bipolar too. very very bitchy and annoying. but also very cute and it was nice to be the subject of her interest. get your turn on the ride. be her next cok on the carousel.

of course I never even banged her or even made out with her, and this is a high-number skank who takes the sacred act of secs VERY casually. I mean she has to have well over n > 10, and probably a few abortions hahaha. plus she is a mudshark! she managed to get into a long term relship for once…..but its with some kind of negro or negro looking arab. REALLY hideous guy. she’s a cute white gurl. COME ON.

anyway she’s like 6 years younger than me, and way more successful than me and I havent talked to her in like…..6 or 7 years, wow.

so I had a dream where she invited me over to cuddle and I was like OOOO GOODY!!!! I luv cuddling and I have a crush on her, maybe we can make out too! and it will be so awesome to cuddle for hours and spend the night with her!!

so when I got there there was already another guy in the bed with her. looks like she wants to cuddle with TWO guys tonight. I was kinda disgusted, but I was like ok, I am desperate to cuddle with her, I’ll just get on the other side of her and cuddle with her and if things get too weird with that other guy, I’ll leave.

so then I cuddled right up to her and put my arms around her, holding her. and she sighed and quickly wormed out, it was clear she didnt want such intense cuddling. more like laying next to each other but barely touching. I was like well this is a huge disappointment.

then I was at my house and thinking about her and wanted to invite her over to my house and cuddle with me, but I couldnt get her to respond, hahahaha. yep I was done. no more cuddling with her. My turn on the ride was over. and no doubt she was fooking that other guy in the bed like crazy, and I couldnt even get 2 minutes of Legit Cuddling out of her.

anyway she was the last slut I was ever interested in, and hopefully THE last. really, not ALL women are this bad, and it’s honestly not FAIR to woman2015 to lump her in with this slut. it wouldnt be fair to any decent woman.

she could have been a decent woman too if she had a decent father and were not such a rebellious youth. into drinking and partying and Boiz.

well, this is typical of fatherless gurls. its just weird and interesting and funny and ironic that woman2015 also was pretty much “fatherless” but turned out to be a much better woman.

sheeeeeeit. yeah so i didnt mean

I am trying to determine how good my postal 473 test score of 86.9 is. what is the damn average. there is lots of debate. nobody knows anyhting hahahaha.  i mean I want to do really well on tests, because I do really BAD on interviews. just being average or a slightly above average on the exam isnt gonna cut the mustard hahaha.

also i learned that the huge personality test I took a few weeks ago is factored into that score. and MAYBE if you make your answers TOO good, you lose points. not sure.

this suggests you SHOULD be over the top ridiculous with your personality test. and i was. but i still dont know how good an 86.9 is. well if 70 is min and 100 is maximum, AND assuming a bell curve, then 85 would be Average, and I would be slightly above average.

this slut on fx news happening now with the big tits. cover them up whore hahahaha.  its NOT jenna lee even though she is listend as an anchor on the show. wayyyyyyyy sluttier than jenna lee. hahaha. and blond.

its not heather childers.

ok its heather nauert. how is she 46 fookin years old.

she has a masters degree in journalism from columbia (top tier program for that hahaha) and is married to an Investment Banker from Goldman Sachs. HAHAHAHAHAHA. what a whore.

-56 calories net calories yesterday. a new record hahahaha.

i cant believe she is 46 though. she must have done mad plastic surgery. usually I can tell with that sort of thing. I mean she looks very very good for 46. just needs to dress more professionally for her Chosen Career.

well dont blame her, blame the management! they make all their women personalities dress like sluts!

duly noted. i don’t doubt it.

ok my goal for today is go to thrift store and look for blue suit coat that kinda fits. might not find one.

AND also to prepare for The Big Interview tomorrow with staffing recruiter. there might be assessment tests in there, even better. cuz SUPPOSEDLY I do better on tests than on interviews hahaha. no actually I do shitty at both and thats why I cant get a 15 DAH job.

never mind a woman whos taken less than 15 cox and has no bastards!

i cant watch this butt slut any more hahahaha.

really not all women are sluts. just some. and it hurts more to get rejected by non sluts. because you know you lost a decent woman. and there are probably more sluts than decent women. 60 40 hahahaha. just cuz that is what our degenerate culture promotes: degeneracy. being a slut. celebrating sluthood.

the worst is being rejected by a good woman in a bad way. that is as disappointing as it gets. then you really blame yourself.

yeah I did screw up and yeah I did do some things wrong. yeah I was annoying and pushy. I ADMIT IT! but I cant stop thinking BUT. BUT that wasnt BAD enough that I didnt deserve some courageous compassion from her hahahaha. but you cant expect people to be COURAGEOUS for you. can you? in a way you can. you can really hope your friends will go to bat for you and not deny you like peter denied jesus hahahaha.

i dont think peter was BETRAYING jesus, but he was definitely DENYING him. and jesus probably didnt feel betrayed so much as he felt sad, denied, and disappointed.

i know that feel exactly hahahahahaha.

well, peter later redeemed himself and apologized i think hahaha. and later gave his life as a martyr for christ. i think hahahaha.

and of course in no way can we say peter was a bad or cowardly person. the man was a saint hahahaha. our first pope.

i think. i think there were two peters. peter and simon peter.

i think BMI is a generally useful enough. epsecally in regards to people looking like potatoes, or fat positive shit with women. basically, if I can fight the good fight and get to a 24 BMI hahahaha then I demand a woman of 24 BMI as well hahahaha.

ok ideally I want to get to 20. at 23.7 now. and of course men are cheaper than women, which is why an 8 man might have to settle for a 6 woman. so if I am 20 BMI, I should expect no better than a 25 BMI woman hahahahaha.

wawawawawaw That Woman wasnt even Overweight either! she had nice meaty thighs and buttocks but I liked those very much! and she certainly had a 24 or less BMI!!!!!! prob even 23!

she was really Too Attractive for me! out of my league!!!!!!

but her family was white trash!

this was a concern I had immediately. then I decided it didnt really bother me becuase they were good decent people who just had hard lives. and as long as they didnt get into drugs they should be fine. besides, white trash is still white. all that matters is that they are decent drug free people. and they were!!!!!!!! so in other words, they werent Too Degenerate White Trash 4 Me!!!!!!

in other words they were GOOD white trash and not bad white trash, therefore, not even really white TRASH at all. white trash is a degenerate ATTITUDE that they did not have. well not her part of the family. the most white trash thing she did was Mudsharked once. Real White Trash mudsharks all the time, had brown bastard babies, has bastard babies with deadbeats, have terrible teeth, curse like a sailor, drop out of high school, are huge sluts, get horrible tattoos, get into meth or painkillers or alcohol, get fat, go tanning, go partying, cheat on their lovers, cause drama, have dirty sticky houses, smoke 10 packs of newports a day, act like negroes basically. she didnt do any of that.

nope. she was and is an honestly decent, great, one of a kind, one in a million woman, and I pushed her too far, and she pushed me too far. it’s so sad and tragic. she was/is a GREAT woman and I didnt want her out of my life, I didnt want her to hate me. She was/is exactly the type of woman I want to wife up 4 Lyfe. and now I have to find ANOTHER one. how hard is THAT gonna be? impossible!!!!!

but maybe that white trash slut waitress will be at the pub tonight hahahaha and I can fook her and he stupid tattoos hahaha.

went to thrift store and indeed found about as good of a navy blue suit jacket as I could have asked. decent fit, and only 4 dollars. also got a new reddish tie. I figure dark blue coat, dark blue pants, red tie, and plain white dress shirt is the best you can do. look like TRUMP. I heard that if you wear a shirt with STRIPES on it, as I usually like white dress shirts with narrow STRIPES on them, that means you are not a team player and are less likely to be hired than if you wear a plain, unstriped white or maybe even blue shirt. Wouldnt risk blue though. just wear a plain white dress shirt. with big yellow pit stains hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. so thats why you wear the dark blue jacket!

and, finally, I would like to get a Light Gray jacket, hopefully for 4 bucks at the thrift store.

I wonder if there is an online thrift store hahaha like amazon but for thrifts.

get a job wear you have to wear a suit……then wear the SAME shitty suit EVERY DAY, day after day. dont even change the shirt or pants or tie hahahaha.  that will impress your TEAM and your superiors hahahaha.

governor of utah declares porn toxic and bad and an epidemic and a public health crisis. well i wouldnt disagree with them! good to see a govt saying porn is bad! because it IS!!!!!!! note they did not make it illegal. i dont think they could. but i think it is a great thing just to come out and say THIS IS BAD.

I dont even know how to prepare for this. its not just for one possible job. i mean its a temp agency hahaha.

Ok I made a One Sheeter. one page in open office. size 9 font, .4 inch margins. here it is, pasting it here for YOUR benefit::::::::::::


April 21 2016. Agency name. INterviewer name.
I am looking for an entry-level, trainee, or assistant position in an office, production, or warehouse setting.
I am an enthusiastic problem-solver and motivated self-starter.
I have a bachelors degree in uselessness in which I strengthened my communication and critical thinking skills, and I have completed almost 80 additional credits in Business and Information Technology to strengthen both of those skill sets.
I am eager to hit the ground running and provide value to a good fit organization.
My best fit organization would be one that provides good value to its clients and has good long-term leadership.
Agency’s goal is to partner with employers to find best-fit candidates that will help their business and their community succeed.
I want to help Agency achieve its goal of finding best-fit candidates that will help businesses and communities succeed. I would like to be one of these best-fit candidates.
I know “Agency has been one of the most successful and trusted recruiting firms for more than 60 years” in: Administrative & Support, Light Industrial, Information Technology, Accounting & Finance, Sales & Marketing, Human Resources, Legal, Retail/Wholesale, Manufacturing & Production, Banking.
I am a great fit for all of these fields except I am not an ideal fit for the inbound call center environment unfortunately. I excel at delivering service to inbound callers, but I prefer to balance inbound phone work with other tasks as well. I am very capable at resolving technical issues, but I sometimes struggle when there is a high volume of very complex calls.
I excel with a minimum of supervision and handholding, and seek to maximize my organization’s resources. I do not need my worked checked excessively. That being said, I do appreciate having access to experienced, senior team members in case I do have a question about a complicated procedure or a high-urgency, high-value task. I want to deliver service of the highest quality to my organization’s clients, and I seek to develop a good sense of perspective and judgment as quickly as possible, but I appreciate the privilege of being able to ask a limited number of questions while I am working through the initial learning curve. I would never inconvenience senior colleagues with repetitive questions, however. I generally say, if you can’t figure it out in 10 minutes, ask somebody, however this is always open to modification on case-by-case basis, depending on the number of complex questions, the amount of documentation and reference materials available, and the number of senior team members available.
I unfortunately had to take a leave of absence to handle a family situation. It was a carefully weighed decision accompanied by strict financial planning. Once we resolved the situation and put safeguards in place to ensure it would not happen again in the future, I contacted my employer about returning. Unfortunately, they replied that the business needs had been lower than anticipated, and that a round of layoffs had already started. I would be eligible for rehire next season (July 2016) due to my excellent and reliable performance however. I encourage you to contact my manager “Mr Big” with any questions. Please see my list of references.
I like to think outside the box and come up with solutions to problems. Whenever possible, I like to solve problems at their root, rather than using workarounds or bandaid fixes, or putting out fires. However I appreciate that time is money, and that fires can happen. I also appreciate that sometimes it costs too much money and time to do a full root cause analysis, so in some complex situations, we have to take our best guess, take quick action, and correct course later if needed.
I have a very good communication style and can handle urgent situations and difficult clients. Don’t interrupt, show empathy, listen actively, repeat their issue back to them to show you’ve understood, ask gently probing questions to get more information. Tell the client what your plan is and how you are going to follow up with them. Always make sure the client is satisfied before you close a case. Take ownership and show accountability for your work. If you don’t have the tools to fix the client’s problem, personally introduce them to a person who does.
A weakness is that I have struggled in sink-or-swim environments in the past, but I quickly learned to adapt. Change and growth is difficult and involves being pushed out of your comfort zone. Once I got used to being outside of my comfort zone, I gradually become less flustered and was able to solve problems more efficiently. I also use flashcards and a regular regiment of study in my personal time so that I am able to quickly power through learning curves, and hit the ground running during my workday, rather than waste time trying to figure things out. I take the initiative to study and learn work-related skills on my own personal time.
Are these 1099 or w2 positions? How many positions are temp-to-hire? How many are temporary contract? Does a temporary contract ever get converted to a direct hire? I am looking for a long-term opportunity ideal, where I have the opportunity to learn many skills and wear many hats.
I am a high-energy and outgoing team member, and communicate very well with clients and team members, however I am also an introvert and ideally prefer a small amount of quiet time to accomplish work tasks.
I also handle complex situations very well, but I do prefer a mix of the less complex along with the more complex.
I tell you this to help you find the best fit for me personally. Given a choice between a high-complexity and high-urgency position with higher pay, I would choose a lower-pay position if available. I enjoyed communicating with clients and solving complex urgent problems at the tech support call center job, but my best fit would be a lower volume of calls, some time off of inbound phone duty, and a slightly reduced number of highly complex issues. As I say, I enjoy working on complex issues and I’m skilled at solving them quickly, but I prefer a balance of less complex and more complex. Less urgent and more urgent. This is a win-win for both me and my employer, and enables me to be more productive and produce more value.
At the end of the day, I am looking to add value to this company and your clients. Hiring a candidate is an expensive risk, and I want to make good on your risk, and ultimately cut costs for your organization. I want to minimize costs and maximize profits, so that the company gets a good return on investment for choosing to invest in me.
If a client asks you a question you don’t immediately know the answer to, and again this is something I used to struggle with but have since greatly improved, you say: here’s what I know, here’s what I don’t know, here’s how I’m going to figure it out, and here’s when I’ll follow up with you.
I am great at converting unknown unknowns into known unknowns, and then finally into known knowns, all as quickly as possible.
In order to think outside the box, you need to LEARN THE BOX first. This can be challenging in a new workplace, where you have no sense of intuition or judgment on what is right or what is wrong. Many times the RISKS are NOT obvious. Crossing a busy street would entail obvious risks even if you had never seen a street or a car. The risks in very specialized business processes are much less obvious. Something may look right to you but actually be wrong. This is why I take the initiative to train myself and build relationships with senior team members, so as to get through the learning curve as quickly as possible. Someties you have to sacrfice your personal time in the pursuit of excellence. I have a commitment to excellence.
UNDERPROMISE and OVERDELIVER. …….. don’t just COMMUNICATE, but BUILD RELATIONSHIPS. … WHY is the most valuable question because it gives us deep understanding of a process, and allows us to find root causes of problems. However we must never lose sight of business needs, and understand when the question of why becomes an expensive wild-goose chase.
Tough-mindedness, grit, determination. I used to struggle at this but I soon improved this deficit. You need to be determined and focused on a goal, and sometimes this involves telling the client bad news they don’t want to hear. It’s better to not candy-coat this. Just be honest. Honesty is the best policy. Also realize that this is a BUSINESS NOT A CHARITY. Constantly giving large discounts will indeed make clients VERY happy, but it’s simply not sustainable for the company.

I am very happy to take as many assessments and skill tests as possible to help you determine best fit, and also to demonstrate my problem-solving and communication skills. Please give me some business problem simulations and I will gladly discuss my thought process in approaching these problems.
I am very skilled at taking a detective’s mindset. Solving problems and thinking like Sherlock Holmes. Looking at all pieces of potential evidence and putting together a timeline. Distinguishing causation from mere corrolation. Figuring out what is relevant and what is not. And doing all this quickly so as not to waste clients time or my company’s time. Think like a DETECTIVE, and operate like a SURGEON.
Sometimes it’s better to give 99% to every case or client rather than to give 120% to every case. Assuming that you would be the only one to notice that extra 21%, and that your client would be no less satisfied with 99%. In our global 24/7 world, speed is more important than ever before. We must maintain high standards of quality, but we have to appreciate that speed is every bit as valuable as quality, and it often is not worth it to sacrifice speed for a marginal improvement in quality.

You have to UNDERSTAND something in order to EXPLAIN it to confused clients. For this reason, it is very important to understand your products and procedures as fully and quickly as possible, and I am very willing to sacrifice the personal time in order to independently self-train on these items. This is a standard expectation and responsibility of any LEARNING POSITION!!!!! You have to be willing to put in that time.
What is the difference between a good agent from a great agent? Is there any kind of intranet, knowledge base, caseload management, CRM, ERP which is available outside of the office for self-study purposes? May I get access to a VPN so I can study company resources from home?
I have EXCELLENT attendance. I always report to work early and very often stay late. I am the complete opposite of a CLOCKWATCHER. If I have to stay late in order to get the job done, I will be a team player, and complete the job. However I am very conscious of overtime costs and will not clock more than 40 hours unless specifically directed by my supervisor.
I go above and beyond to meet any and all quality metrics. There is always room for improvement and I like the challenge of improving all the metrics on my scorecard.
I treat EVERYBOD Y with the Golden Rule. So simple, yet so valuable. There’s no need to take a bad attitude out on other people, and there’s no reason to take other people’s bad attitude personally. Just let it roll off you like water off a duck’s back.

Ideally I am looking for 12 to 15 dollars an hour, but very negotiable. Ideally I am looking for 1st shift first, second shift second. Ideally I am not the best fit for a Call Center.
Ideally I am looking for something within 10-15 miles from city, zip. I do have reliable transportation.


then you bring that into the interview and have it in front of you. that’s pretty good huh. if I can emphasize all those points.

Uhhh you know what, I might allow a TWO sheeter if your one sheeter is like size 7 or 6 font, thats SO small you can barely read it. so just crank up the font until your one sheeter is now 2 sheets. might do that with the above one.

anyway yeah what happened is just SAD. I embarrassed myself and pushed away a decent person. but she could have done a little bit more tho. but that doesnt make her a dirty slut. she was overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed AS FOOK. shit i was overwhelmed TOO. and what resulted was just SAD. almost sadder than a DEATH. death makes SENSE and give Closure compared to this. Yep in a way its worse than death hahaha. cuz were both still alive. she is living her life and just wants to be done with me and i am living my life and I wish she was still in it, muh life was better with her in it and then she just left wawawawawaw. well she didnt just leave, i made her leave. i pushed her away hahahahaha.

its just so SAD. the SADDEST ending of a rel ever. cuz we had a real rel AND she was a really good person AND it ended in a sad horrible way.

its not like we never knew each other, like with the other sluts; its not like she was a slut, like those sluts.

its just SAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDD as fook.  the whole situation is sad. I am sad hahaha. i think about it and get sad. so dont think about it hahahahaha. easier said than done. when you lose a great person you didnt want to lose.

i mean what she did is not good……but plenty of people do A LOT worse. like cheating. cheating is SO common and its SO many times worse.

also stuff like manipulation and narcissism. very common, and also very worse.

lots of people have trouble being courageous. i do too. i am a coward too.

so i cant really BLAME her. i CAN wish she acted a little better though.

I wish I acted a little better too though! I’m really a decent person I swear! I dont do bad things like cheating, narcissism, manipulation, entitlement!!!!! I just am like the cowardly lion, I wish I had more courage to deal with things STRAIGHT UP.

she’s not a bad person, I’m not a bad person, we were technically really good for each other, we got along really well, but she just didnt have special feelings. and i went crazy and i pushed her and she went crazy and it was a very sad ending to a very beautiful, special, important relationship. how am I ever going to find something taht special again. I wish she had just chosen me hahaha. woke up to what a good thing it would be. we could be really good to each other.

so SAD. I would much rather be MAD than SAD. saddest “breakup” of muh life.

gotta shave beard clean off tomorrow, babyface. that is gonna be interesting.





yeah gonna try for a 9 miler today. i am still OVERWEIGHT due to my BMI of 26.3 hehehe

25 to 29.9 is overweight, above is OBESE hehehehe

but yeah my problem is feeling incompetent and unemployable.

ok lets ATTACK those thoughts, DEFEND against these INVADERS, these TERRORISTS.


ok if i can get down to 155 pounds i will no longer be overweight hahahahaha that is 13 pounds. ok i can lose 13 pounds right?

159/160 is my dividing line hahahaha. 159 is normal, 160 overweight. i am at 167-68 right now. damn.

yes i am a manlet.

anyway ok. i am unemployable and incompetent.

uhhh i am not sure which Cognitive Distortion this is. Emotional Reasoning a bit, because i FEEL like this, it means it must be TRUE.

and also just plain wrong. i have been employed before, therefore i am not unemployable!

also i tend to underestimate my job skills. and overestimate my “incompetence.”

therefore, i am not actually “unemployable.”

ok so goal is 159 then.

at 141 i will be 22 bmi that is probably IDEAL between the goalposts of 18.5 and 24.9 hehehehe.

heh. its funny that i feel…..if not confident, then at least competent in my Struggle to Lose Weight, but not at ALL in muh struggle to become gainfully employed.

yet many gainfully employed people have given up in their struggle to lose weight!

SHIT! losing weight is 900000000000000000000 times easier than just getting and keeping a 15 dollar an hour JOB! if you can do that, you can do ANYTHING!!!!!!!

its harder than anything. quitting heroin, quitting crack, quitting cigarettes. the only thing that compares is quitting your feelz for someone who dumped you hahahaha. so basically i gotta do to the two hardest things in the world, at the same time hahahaha.

anyway yeah

trs forum 2.0 pus thread

old trs forum neet thread

(all 2.0/old forum threads are gone forever as that forum was SHUT DOWN and we are now on 3.0 which is also current invite only, so uhhhh you basically couldnt read it even if you wanted, it is the most exclusive forum on the whole internet)


yeah im gonna put TRS forum in the side bar hahahaha because they are so good. like /pol but better. less degenerate. best online community i have found this year hahahaha

only thing is that they are too big of WINNERS. they are damn normie chad thundercock nonvirgins hahaha with good jobs and good wives and children and if you are not an UBERMENSCH like them they think you are an UNTERMENSCH hahahahaha. because whites find it easier to have altruism for other races rather than their own hahahaha.

i am oversimplifying. there are some despairing neets and autists and losers there. the point is that its a better place than r9k or god forbid wizardchan, whos link i should remove because nothing good can come out of that place hahahaha. we are trying to fix and improve people.

i made a lot of bad choices between 18 and 21. i was a young man, young and dumb, didnt know what i was doing, was confused and unfocused, and the perfect thing would be to be working as an apprentice getting trained n actual skills at that time, making money and learning things that would make more money. not going to damn college and being the worst possible student: slacker nihilist in a useless nonstem degree who was all r9ky and autist at that time and already getting too into alcohol and MJ. and i didnt have the social skills to partake of the college casual secs buffet, so got frustrated by that, looked at too much porno, came to hate women, etc. learning GAME would have been useful at that point.  but i didnt even learn about GAME until i was done with college.

Basic Game is not degenerate in and of itself. it used to be called “knowing how to talk/deal with women.” but when you use it to have dozens of sluts, or you start using the real “red pill” “dread game” and such, thats degenerate. probably dalrock is a good example of good game. he is all about finding a good wifely woman and traditional stuff. and indeed i was reading dalrock years ago. good guy.

but yeah. i needed to be whipped into shape, military would have been good, but really just no college would have been good. just working shitty jobs and slowly moving up and not living such a damn nihilistic lifestyle.

old trs forum post on curing yellow fever for white men

i prob posted this one but it bears rereading hahahaha

old forum thread by one of my old “mentors” who himself also discovered the forum and found it to be a fun exciting important place

oh lord. my buddy is back. i have enjoyed and supported this guy for years, then he sorta went underground for about a year, and now i see him debuting on TRS forums. holy shit. this is a SIGN. i am very glad to see him again. great guy with great ideas. good role model. way to be. i read his blog regularly but he took it offline for like a year. i was worried he was gone forever. well i knew he would never abandon the white race hahaha. welcome back buddy. this guy is a real MENSCH if there ever was one. and it only makes sense that he would eventually find TRS and start posting there. well except some big names like david duke or stormfront or vnn dont get involved with TRS which is their loss IMHO. TRS is a really great thing as of current year hahahaha.

yeah anyway re that woman, i never had anything so good go so bad. i never had such a REAL rel with a woman, i was much closer to her than the crazy bitches i pseudodated. it was long term and real and good. and it ended in such a bad way, worse than with those crazy bitches even, because really nothing of value was lost there.

i shouldnt even be thinking in terms of white TRASH, no whites are TRASH, HOWEVER, i dont think white men should man up and marry those white sluts. the mgtow concerns voiced in the yellow fever thread above ARE valid concerns. why should you marry and have kids with a white woman who one day turns on you, takes the kids, leaves you a broken man, steals your income, alienates you from your kids, who grow up to be Pozzed Pussies and Genetic Dead Ends?

because a 50% potention genetic dead end is less a dead end than the 100% certain genetic dead end of mixed kids or no kids. ok. i get that. i mean i had no desire for asian women, no desire to date asian women let alone have little elliot rodgers with them, im just not attracted to asians, i dont have yellow fever! BUT i do worry about white men who do. i think it is a valid problem. its not as immediately disgusting as White Female with Black Male (WF/BM), but….its still kinda disgusting! i get annoyed when white men, often mgtow or mras, talk abotu how much better asian women are than white women. or go on sleazy sex vacations to asian countries. indeed some white writers have done this and it damages their credibility and respectability imho. im not gonna name names but its all out there on the internet.

but ive race mixed in my past! the 1 gurl i had official s with, was a Merchant! can you believe it? but she was a very cute young girl at that time. at that time i didnt understand how nonwhite jews were. i just saw a cute young girl with white skin. come on. i dont blame myself for doing that. it would be stupid to NOT have s with a cute young girl who was ready and willing!!!! its not like i had a rel with her, or children! i WANTED to have a rel with her, i got FEELINGS for her, and that was unfortunate.

maybe if i HAD, i would have seen how different the J was. although i might have attributed that to her thoroughly middle class, progressive, SWPL lifestyle. J’ish parents both have phd’s, pseudointellectual middle class, etc.

so im not perfect, i have low “SMV” and ultimately i couldnt believe i had Won the Friendship of a White Woman (that woman) with such high SMV herself: under 30, no children, not a slut. the only red flags were: no father, 1 instance of mudsharking, mother has bad rels with men.  but no abuse, no drugs, no super crazy borderline, no slutting, no cutting. weighing the plus and minuses, she came out a plus.

i agree totally with what someone on a TRS thread said: regarding women, dont worry if they’re right wing or not. most women wont be. they just go along with the herd of sheeple and parrot whatever is cool at the moment.

the MAIN thing, and i 100% agree, is that they are not a slut. and not fat he also said.

well imho being a slut is worse than being fat hahahaha. but i would argue that not being a slut means that the woman is right wing at heart and just doesnt know it, but her traditional actions of treating secs seriously, speak much louder than her empty sjw words.

and being fat means they also have no self control. true, but being a slut means they have even LESS self control.

so…..what if you find a fat nonslut?

hehehehe i am all about these would you rather dillemma situations.

would you rather pick a nonslut who had been with 1 black guy out of 2 guys total, or a girl who had been with 10 white guys? 9 white guys? had a really bad tattoo? wears too much makeup?

a gurl who had only been with 2 guys and has Borderline, or a nonborderline gurl who has been with 9 guys?

a gurl with only 2 guys but no father, or a gurl with 9 guys and a father?

a 29 year old who has been with 2 guys or a 20 year old with 10 guys?

dont get me wrong, i am ASHAMED of the degenerate things i did as a young man. mainly: was an irresponsible bitch with terrible work ethic, kinda ni99erish! also too much alcohol, MJ, porno, entitlement. i realize all these things are wrong and degenerate and bad. i dont drink any more, i have not had MJ in months and i can go months without it, i dont watch porno any more. but i am still a lazy slob hahaha.

so maybe i didnt DESERVE such a high quality woman as my female friend. is what im saying.

well, i would respond to that, maybe she was out of my league in terms of SMV, BUT we were REAL friends who had a REAL relationship of some sort for a substantial amount of time, and she didnt HAVE to be so Mean and Immature when she dumped me and could and should have dumped me better.

shes emotionally immature to me yet is able to have a 5 year relationship starting at the age of 18 or 19.

so that makes me blame myself for being too beta to earn the respect of a woman. but again she could have been nicer.

and its just as hard trying to pick up all the goddamn pieces and start all over again.

trying to convince Managers that you are good enough for a Slave Job (i am stealing sinead’s word becuase i like that phrase, and i am probably in love with her hahahahahaha and better for me to be in love with a 2d waifu flat earth nutjob whos already Taken, than That Woman hahahaha. maybe in this way sinead can help me Quit That Woman.)

no i dont think shes a FED or informant or plant. i think she’s just fallen for a wacky conspiracy theory. hopefully she gets over it. maybe she wont. either way i trust her to stick with pro white stuff even if she drops the flat earth stuff. also i must believe that she is not a mudshark because i dont believe that because she has pcitures hanging out with blacks means that shes fooked them. every damn white woman has pcitures of her hanging out with blacks.

shit if half of white women have fooked blacks, how many of those were actually repentant of it, realized the error of their ways, and swore to never do it again, and become outspokenly pro white? even if she did fook a black i am willing to forgive her in other words hahahahaha.

like the guy said, the most important thing is, are they a SLUT? that is probably THE most important thing.

its cuz slut is a PATTERN of behavior over TIME. it covers a lot of Metrics hahahahaha.

but yeah it hurts. i had not been that close to a woman in YEARS. plus the luv was deeper and realer because we were actual friends with an actual rel.

fook. its so hard convincing myself i didnt deserve this, because i was a weak pussy who couldnt keep muh bitch in line hahahahaha.

that something that is so special to you means nothing to someone else. thats what bothers me too. that this was all in my head and it meant nothing to her. that she is gonna just convince herself that i was unimportant part of her life and forget all about me and move on, while i will never forget about her!

when i know for at least some time i was important to her!

and shes just gonna say oh no i wasnt, that was all in MY head.

like the earlier women. it was all in my head. it was just casual dating to them, and it was something important to me. cuz they could have secs sluttily without getting feelings. thats BAD!

but it was true that short term rels, like those, dont mean a whole lot.

whereas with That Woman, we had a Substantial Rel that lasted for a few years. therefore she doesnt have the escape route of “it was just a short term rel, we didnt really know each other, it was casual.”

it was MORE THAN CASUAL!!!!!!!!!!!

so gurls can have secs and have it be casual.

gurls can have a several years friendship and apparently thats casual too.

casual meaning they can just throw it away like garbage and never think of it again!

and That Woman was by far the worst in that department. at least the other gurls went thru the motions of talking to me. but here i really needed her to say that our Normal Friendship meant something to her. because it HAD to have, and now she is gonna DENY that for the rest of her life, and go find Luv with chad and tyrone hahahaha.

welp time to go to fatclub and listen to some nationalist music hahahaha

you dont have to like like me! just say yep we had a good friendship but now it has to end. but what we had from 2013 to 2014 was GOOD and it was important to me.

it would have been important to me even if i HADNT gotten feelings for her. and i KNOW she found it important at one point. because she expressed that, and i got that feeling from her when we hung out, and i dont often get that from women.

you can dump me but just say that what we had was good once.

but that is not gonna happen!



i CANT APOLOGIZE ANY MORE. i have apologized literally the max a human can apologize. i apologized literally every time i talked to her and emailed her. she’s not “waiting for an apology.” if anything IM waiting for an apology from HER! what, me apologize for apologizing too much? I think i already DID that too!

its like i’m hanging on to the edge of a crumbling cliff and she’s standing right there. she can easily grab my hand which is reaching out to her, please save me, but she just watches the rocks crumble away and me eventually fall to my doom.

or i am drowning and she is standing right there on the boat with tons of life preservers. i am screaming please halp meeeee and she can easily throw one out but she chooses not to , and to WATCH ME DROWN instead.

these are veyr good metaphors / images for what happened.

and I should be apologizing? i dont think so! She should be apologizing for letting me drown!

of course i was thinking, well i should contact her AGAIN, because she is just apprehensive or lazy or doesnt have the courage, and she is just waiting for me to contact her again, she’s ready now.

well if she were READY she would contact ME!!!!!!!!

also when people are in the WRONG, they very often DOUBLE DOWN and never come to their senses! and remain convinced for the rest of their lives that they were right. this is very very common. i might be doing it to convince myself that i am right and she is wrong hahahaha

also it is very very common for people to AVOID shit. thats ALL this is basically is her totally AVOIDING a situation entirely. avoid avoid avoid.

and can i make her not avoid, by popping up every so often?

she obviously doesnt want a Rel with me. she was Detaching from me for a long time. that was HER signal. she said, o god, he likes me, no thank you, i am done with this, but i am too cowardly to tell him and talk to him about it.

yeah i just didnt think she was THAT cowardly though, i thought she was strong.

and yeah it hurts to have someone care about you, then they start withdrawing that care.

at least when someone DIES, you know they cared about you to the living end!

but she gradually made herself stop caring about me ever since she Discerned that I Liked Her!

and i certainly didnt start making myself try to stop caring about her! until recently!

good good let the hate flow thru u hahahaha

fookin bitches hahahaha

never put them ON A PEDESTAL and think oh they wouldnt do that, or they’re different, not all women are like that, shes different, she has morals, she has integrity, i can trust her, she cares about doing the right thing, she treats her relationships seriously, shes emotionally mature, bla bla bla bullshit.

men like to communicate directly, with words and conversations and emails and speaking and talking and writing, to eliminate ambiguity and confusion, to get everybody on the same page, make sure everybody understands.

women like to “communicate” using bullshit ambiguous signals, so that everybody is confused, and will intensely avoid/ignore any attempts to make it less confusing or less ambiguous. they want everybody to be confused, and not be on the same page, and hate each other forever. anything that involves words or writing or talking or anything VERBAL, they will avoid like the PLAGUE.

men verbal, women nonverbal. all the damn time.

and men have to learn the nonverbal language, but women never have to learn the verbal language because…………

women are the choosers. women have a uterus. women can get pregnant. even though many of them dont realize this.

and i am technically not butthurt about them being the choosers, or that men have to do all the Heavy Lifting and jumping through hoops.

except some men dont jump through hoops at all. Alpha Men are essentially Choosers of Women!

so, women use their power as Choosers of Men, to choose tons of Casual Sex, WITHOUT respecting and understanding the Power Of Pregnancy which gives them the POWER to be Choosers!

Yep thats about the strength of it. its like a BABY with a GUN.

Great Power with great IGNORANCE of the great responsibility attached!!!!

dumb bitches hahahaha.

also i can be nonverbal enough, i have learned THEIR language well enough, and sort of accept begrudgingly that they will never learn Mine, even though any smart person would agree that Direct Verbal communication is Better for the Greater Good of Humanity!!!! but women would rather everyone hate each other forever because of confusion and miscommunication, because DRAMA IS EXCITING!!!!!! and EXCITEMENT is the greatest thing in life.


thats why men generally prefer warm, loving, loyal, true, good dogs…..

…….and women generally prefer disloyal, cold, bitchy, traitorous, unloving, untrustworthy, horrible, evil, sociopath cats.

woman hating much?

trust me when women get rejected by a MAN, they become MUCH more man hating.

but thats only because they dont get rejected by men as much!

ummmm ok.

well my womanhate is not remarkably above average for men who were dumped in godawfully harsh ways like cheating or Ghosting hahahaha.

it can ONLY benefit you to bang a woman, any woman, as soon as possible.

shit i should have tried to bang her even when she was with her old longterm boifran, back when i was not into her. should have just forced myself to be into her. hint, its not that hard to FORCE yourself when the gurl is young and not fat and has no kids. even if there are little things about her that you initially find weird. like or her face is weird and her Buttocks are weird.

when when you are Deep In It, you will no longer find her Face or Buttocks so damn weird!!!!!!!!! you will say DAAAAAAMN how could i ever find those things weird? she is HAWT as FOOK!!!!!!

a kind of pedestal i guess.

i was thinking it might ALWAYS be to your benefit that if a woman asks you about your love life, say you are “dating a few people but nothing serious” and smirk like a man who gets secs from a variety of wimmin whenever he wants, but cant find someone who meets his standards well enough to commit to monogamously.

of course it would be to your benefit!

unless you come across that one remaining traditional woman unicorn who thinks men dating several women is distasteful, just like women dating several women is distasteful!

and then shrug say oh well just having fun hey its not like Im the one who can get preggers!

and then say well if they get preggers, just get a god dam abortion bitch! hahaha its not like we live in iran! roe vs wade bitch! merika! muh rightz will not be abridged! wimminz right 2 chooze! wimmin r da choozerz!

not my problem! just a parasite that can be easily dealt with!

but maybe i should man up and contact her simply saying you are being ridiculous, stop being ridiculous and lets just hang out and make up already.

and then she will say ok i was waiting for you to MAN UP and say that and BE A MAN. that was my SHIT TEST.

also i might be “getting better” because i am not reading those fooking EMAILS every day over and over like i used to. the emails 1 thru 4 that i wrote her. i havent looked at  a one of them in weeks. so i guess that is a good sign.

i just cant believe she could do this to me.

why not. its just AVOIDANCE and avoidance is SO common because its the easy way out. I avoid and procrastinate and ignore shit ALL THE TIME. so do tons of people. and here she is avoiding me.

i mean i could send a brief thing “hi there just seein how ur doin ”

and see if that gets any response.

“wanna go to dinner get caught up”

that kind of thing.

well of COURSE i would have an ulterior motive to get her back!

i tried this in 2004/5 with woman2. (woman2004).

she kind of ignored me and i was real butthurt about that cuz we were actually fooking at the time and then she just disappeared, real sketchy. i was RIGHTFULLY angry about being ignored. i said fook her im not talking to that bitch ever again, i heard gossip she had been seen with other guys, she was the type with 900000 male friends, never trustworthy!

then 3 months later i thought i would Reach Out because it still felt like Unfinished Business, and i wanted a Fair Shake.


I did get in touch with her, we started hanging out and making out again, i certainly could have banged her but i didnt, like an idiot. i certainly should have!

but by this time she was distanced from me, liked me less than before, and had even less interest in dating me, and opened “dated” other guys during that time and showed no interest in dating me, we would just make out and cuddle and she would have let me bang her if i were masculine enough!

so yeah she basically had LESS interest and feelings for me than before.

MY feelings were rekindled, her feelings were not really anything. less than before.

so then there was NEW pain, to get my hopes up; and also see that she was less interested than before. why couldnt i make her interested again?  because i wasnt masculine enough? i was 22 years old and had no experience with women, she was it.

so i could see a similar thing happening here. me get back in contact with woman2015, “chill hanging out”, i would get my hopes up without a doubt, and she would be cool as a cucumber the whole time, saying yeah im dating a couple guys, nothing serious, just secs, i can always get an abortion if i need, but im not gonna ever want to date you, i have even less feelings for you than i do for these random guys i met a few weeks/months ago.

so yeah that would be ripping an old wound open, making it fresh again, and pouring salt on it.

when you see someone who USED to like you, and then they are just cold as shit to you. that is VERY painful. women dont understand this hahahahaha. cold evil sociopath bitches. hahahaha.

better to be ANGRY and hateful and other-loathing, rather than sad and self-loathing!

also i am generally finding it easier to get out of bed, go powerwalking, than i did near the beginning, so that must be a good sign.

i just wish i were losing more weight with all this powerwalkjogging. i am losing no weight and doing a TON of powerwalkjogging.

tons of input, no output.

it just sucks that somebody i used to be so close to, that i used to trust, that i liked, that used to at least like me on some level, can now hate me, and hurt me so much, and i didnt even DO anything horribly wrong.

welcome to the real world hahahaha.

besides she was pulling away and being cold for months. the 180 was really more just an 18 or so. i just didnt want to see it.

i mean i can understand not having FEELINGS in return for me. but she definitely used to Like Me as a Friend, and i expected that because of that, that if it needed to end, it would end a lot better.

i was TRYING to make in end better, in my typically masculine way of direct communication, lets be verbal about it so we minimize the hurt feelings.

but nooooooooo.

well i was “being masculine” in a very unmasculine way, always supplicating and apologizing. bad call.

ok placed 15th out of like 57 people in this tournament and got nothing but shitty hands, i think i won one small pot. certainly had no good chance to “double up.”

but yeah. i will be the better person because I will never hurt someone else like she has hurt me!

way to abandon me bitch!

it really hurts and is painful to be abandoned like that.

ok out of the stupid freeroll tournament, time for first 2.8 miler of the day hahaha.


july 31

they say its good to know the reason why it ended. the real reason it ended was that we had different feelings for each other. i wanted to marry her, she didnt. at all. i was in luv with her, and she felt no feelings for me. i had huge feelings for her, she had no feelings towards me.

well my coping mechanism is trying to spend as much time as possible with family. so that really is a good silver lining, because i was getting distant from them, so that is probably why the LORD gave me this suffering with woman.

but i would HATE to become OBSESSED with her, thinking of her every waking moment, and then come to HATE her for disappointing me and abandoning me.

lesson learned: don’t even wait a mere ten months to confess your feelings. if the gurl is avoiding The Talk, then Blurt Out your feelings via text, voice mail, in person all at once, email, facebook message, just COME RIGHT OUT AND SAY IT: “I have feelings for you.”

do this….within three months. definitely within 5 months. do NOT wait TEN months.

try to tell the person in person, but if they won’t ever agree to meet you, and you feel you have to Confess, and there’s really  nothing wrong with that, then just blurt it out at an awkward time, because they are not granting you the privilege of a nonawkward time.  shit.

my problem is we were both very nonconfrontational, although i was much more willing to have a semi-confrontational conversation, to have a difficult yet fearless conversation, to sit her down, warm her up, and confess in person, that i had feelings. i guess this is not the way it is done. well, last time what i did 3 years ago was Playfully touch the previous girl’s arm in a movie theatre. she reacted in such a way that it was VERY clear that she did not like that. and then that was over.

with this woman, i couldnt even GET her to go to the movie theatre. but it was confusing to me, since BEFORE, we did used to hang out, go out to dinner regularly, have long in person conversations regularly. then as soon as i got feelts, i couldnt get her to do these things any more. it was as if she READ MY MIND, knew what i wanted to talk about, deemed it too uncomfortable a conversation to have, and then no more hanging out, always an excuse.

so if you get this kind of freeze out where the gurl refuses to talk, BLURT IT OUT at an awkward time, because she won’t let you have a nonawkward time. thats what i would have done in hindsight. maybe after 3 months of struggling unsuccessfully to have the talk, i should have just called her around the holidays or something and been like yeah i know this is a bad time, but whens it eer gonna NOT be a bad time, but heres the deal baby: i have feeltz 4 u, take it or leave it, see ya.

but it is gonna take a LONG time before i am THAT attracted to a woman again. thing is, for almost two years, i felt no spark towards her. i tried to FORCE myself to view her Secsually. but then at some point, the switch was flipped, and then there was no more forcing. then ten months later i find myself in the worst heartbreak of life. sucks.

so what did i learn:

1. that yes i CAN Develop Feelings for a Platonic Female Friend after a Long period of time, and once where there was no spark, there can develop a HUGE spark; and if this can happen to me, it can happen to you too; so dont get skurred if you have a female friend and dont feel anything for her. because assuming she is not ass ugly, you very well may. even after as long as 2 years. the not being ugly thing is kinda important. before, i was like “she’s not ugly, why am I NOT in luv with her, whats wrong with me?” well eventually i fell in luv, and wrecked my whole life in ten short months hahaha. if she was objectively ugly, like 6 or under, i prob never would have got feels, because physical attraction is necessary for true love feels.

2. blurt out your feels in an awkward way if you do not get a nonawkward opportunity to do so within 3 to 5 months, and its clear the feels are real, and are not going away, and are starting to eat away at you.

great they have a workplace stack exchange which shows how competitive and impossible it is to get jobs. a bunch of people with computer science degrees struggling just as bad as me to get jobs, and there resumes and skill sets and achievements are much better.

i have been watching ridiculous BBC mystery programs from the 80s and 90s with my family and that along with the occaisional powerwalk & jog, and playing cards, is the only thing keeping me alive here. when i go to write, or try to sleep, my mind gets obsessed with HER. the obsession and hopefully not growing hate, is very disturbing. i just want to ERASE her from my mind!

i suppose at a time like this, some emotionless, no strings attached, no feelings, secs with some rando broad would be a good distraction. now i understand why women become huge whores when they get THEIR hearts broken by the dirtbag men THEY luv. women get their hearts broken, then go whore it up to distract themselves from their pain, just as i would gladly bang some rando sluts right now, provided they weren’t ass ugly. only difference is, and its a BIG important one, is i as a man cannot get pregnant, therefore its much less dangerous for me to have casual meaningless secs, than for a woman.  besides i dont even know any moderately attractive sluts i could call for a booty call hahahahaha.

but yeah on average women are too promiscuous for my liking. you want to just date some nice 25 year old gurl, but all of them are taken, or they’ve taken 9000000000000000000000000000000000000 cox. they’ve just been with too many men, and IMHO, this is NOT healthy for women. and dont tell me about wild oats, or a PHASE. women have much more to LOSE from secs, secs is much more RISKY and DANGEROUS and COSTLY for women than for men, therefore women should be more CAUTIOUS about it, like they were in the 80s or even 90s hahahaha.

no the cultural marxism that says its ok for women to be sluts was well in motion in the 70s, but IMHO average youngish women were still less slutty in the 70s and 80s than they eventually became in the 90s and 00s and 10s. i mean its just getting worse. you have 15 year old girls doing 4n4l gangbangs now and filming it all on their phones. it is just a race to the bottom of degeneracy, more degeneracy, more perversion, more cox, all at a younger and younger age. kind of like how even pornography is getting more perverted, and more and more perversion is getting Normalized. like how its ok for 15 year old girls to have 4n4l orgies with their classmates, as long as they use protection, as long as its consensual, as long as it feels good!

yeah i dont go in for this degenerate society hahahahaha and just find it hard to develop feels for women who have experienced too much of the degeneracy.

no innocent child sets out to willfully become a degenerate. they are just poisoned by schools, media, bad families, bad friends, and even the children who escape those unforunate things and go to college to become successful middle classfags, well they get a special dose of degenerate poison there.

hahahaha i am just butthurt because i got rejected by a fairly young, qt, gurl, who used to be my friend, but then i got feelings, but before i got feelings, i was worried she might have feelings for me, then i got feelings, then i really wished she DID have feelings, but by that time, she certainly didn’t, and it is eating me alive that she could have had feelings in the past, and i blew it, by not being interested at the right time.

anyway i cant write about her any more today, can’t think about her any more today.

it was affecting my job performance, i could not focus, i could not do my job, and it made things 90000000 times worse that me and the woman worked in the same place. it is very scary to lose all sense of control like that, that you cannot even go through the motions of your job because you constantly see someone you were in love with who rejected you and you were unable to have a mature conversation about it. i am the type of person who can literally never see the person again. i dont want to be friends. seeing someone who rejected me, in the past, caused me to go crazy. and this work environment was ridiculous. it was a really really hard job which required insane mental focus. it wasnt the type of thing where you COULD just go thru the motions, because new weird complex shit was happening all the time. and this thing just pushed me over the edge.

it wuld be different if i had a wife and kids; or if i were above entry level; or if the company ever promoted people (they dont); or if the job was tolerable; or if the woman didnt work there. but the way it worked out was a god damn perfect shitstorm.

my boy ajahn brahm, on ending relationships

meh even ajahn brahm does not give me comfort, although the tone of his voice is soothing. yeah he can find something to appreciate in the worst of murderers. hey i found plenty to appreciate in my “lover.” she was the one who could not find anything to appreciate in me!

the worst is when they USED to appreciate you, and now they dont. you USED to be cool enough for them, now they are totally unimpressed by you and think other people are way cooler. it is very devastating when somebody USED to like you, and you are still basically the same person, and they’ve gotten bored with you, or fallen out of like with you, stopped liking you. that is super duper painful. especially when you, over time, come to like them MORE. while they are gradually liking you LESS. damn. what do you say to that ajahn.

i dunno it was just completely one sided. i had all the feelings. i was the only one who wanted to ever do anything. i was the only one who wanted to talk about the weirdness that was going on. really she had checked out long ago. i was trying to fix something that was already broken and thrown in the trash. only way you can fix something is if the other person is WILLING to fix it. really it wasnt a question of things being broken, well apart from the idea that we just had completely different feelings for each other. i was just a friend that she wanted to to distance herself from; i was just a friend who wanted to get closer to her and become more than friends. i guess it was really over ten months ago as soon as my feelings changed.  i am just butthurt because we could not talk about it like adults. and i get my heart broke, she doesn’t, and gradually this once decent woman will become more degenerate, doing things i never thought she could do, transforming into a completely different person. yeah well i never sold out like that and i hope i never do.

but yeah one sidedness sucks real bad. when you are the only one who wants to try, and the other party could care less, they just want to bail and abandon you hahahhahaha. without even giving it a chance. but then you cant force someone to love you either. however i think you are entitled to want a mature conversation about it.

this is why i firmly believe that when women reject you, they should pay an emotional damages fee of liek $1000, just to prove that they are sorry about hurting you. pay the fee. the toll. show that you realize that actions have consequences. related to this, i think that when you get dumped, you are also entitled to Emotionally Vent to the other person, and tell them everything, and tell them exactly how hurt you are, and tell them everything on your mind, what you think about being dumped. now you’re not entitled to stalk them or coerce them or do any Harm; but this is the price of admission for dumping: you should be willing to hear the grievances of the person you are hurting.  when you hurt someone, that person is entitled to talk to you about how you have hurt them.  so you can attempt to deal with everything in a compassionate, kind, and fair way, so as to reduce harm, and promote acceptance, like ajahn brahm might say.

im just saying that getting thru this might have been easier if my PLEAS for communication were responded do. when you are abandoned like a bastard in a basket, that REALLY hurts. never really had THAT type of pain happen. and that is possibly why this heartbreak hurts worse than any of the others. that and its been a damn long time since a major heartbreak.


june 24

so stef molyneux was talking about ambition and aiming high and i never had that, no big dreams, he encourages you to dream big, he certainly does, he admitted to wanting to be the best philosopher of all time, and i laughed. he does have a bit of an ego! a “BIT”?!?!?!?!?!

but that’s his right, and it’s a good confidence builder. so i thought, well, blogging is my thing, writing at least, i’ve been writing forever, it’s what i do, thru thick and thin, i’ve always written. so why not try to be the best writer who ever wrote? make the best blog of all time? so now this blog is my lifes mission hehehehe. and i will make it the best blog of all time, written by the best blogger of all time, and help MORE people than have ever been helped by one person. i will do more good than any one person has ever done!!!!!

of course i reserve the right to switch over to Speaking, since to me, speaking is almost the same thing as writing. i am not married to writing as much as i am married to the language and the words. in fact i think speaking is BETTER than writing many times. so yeah. only reason i’m not speaking right now is because i am too afraid. but as i become the best blogger ever, i WILL probably eventually switch over to speaking for a large portion.

was watching tv (DONT EVER DO THIS!!! DESTROY YOUR TV NOW!!!!!) when i saw joel osteen speaking before yankee stadium and the whole f00king thing was filled top to bottom. for one guy speaking. i would kinda like to get to that level. now his face is very very very very very annoying but i tried to listen to how he spoke. his face was so annoying i couldn’t watch more than 2 minutes, but he was working that entire stadium pretty handily, telling a story. it was a decent story/lesson too: that though parts of our life may “stink”, we just have to use that as “fertilizer” to make ourselves even better. so when someone is an 4sshole to you, you say, THANK YOU for fertilizing me!

now i am actually kind of in an anti-god phase right now, kind of like, fook you, how dare you make us DIE before we can enjoy ourselves! that we have to suffer through our entire stupid lives and DIE before we get to the good part! That’s SOOOOO FOOKED UP!!!!!!!! I want to bang cute gurls in this life! I want to have a nice true luv waifu and five kids in this life! I want a good job in this life! to make a mark and leave a legacy in this world!!! but i don’t think god is saying we can’t. or osteen hehehe.

also i like how joyce meyer works the room. she is another good speaker. ummm are there any other good speakers who are not also huge preachers. tony robbins maybe? steven covey? wayne dyer? robert kiyosaki hehehe. suze orman. prezident barry hussein hwe hwe hwe. anyway if you can speak to a room of 90000000 people like that, that’s good confidence, and you can bang wimmin without needed to imagine you’re banging a better looking wimmin.

turning off the tv is a great life hack. i always have the tv on cuz i think it calms me down. BUT THE OPPOSITE IS TRUE. I AM MORE CALM WHEN THE TV IS OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TURN THE TV OFF NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

june 25

damn. just had a dream about girl6 of all girls. in the dream we were in a house and people were having a party and the party was winding down. i think. or maybe that was a separate dream. anyway i remember we were in a bed and sort of cuddling, but there was this guy sitting in the room talking and talking who refused to leave and give us any privacy. probably a beta orbiter who was in luv with her and wanted to give me blue balls, hahahaha. we would intensely make out whenever we got one minute of privacy, but someone would always pop back in. we had to find another room to do the Deed. eventually we did and she was already naked by the time i got in there, and took her in my arms and she was very horny and i was very horny and i remember playing with her great classic 4ss. and i remember some very heavy making out, but i do not remember actually sticking it in unfortunately.

so it was a great fun dream, but bittersweet because of girl6 in reality. still not sure what her deal was. left with a bitter taste in muh mouth. she could have well be very crazy but really she was just cold as ice. the type of gurl that would totally dump you the minute after you first bang her. and i would want to bang her at least 100 times because she was real cute. type of gurl that always disappears and has a new set of friends every few months and you really can’t trust her at all, and god only knows where she’s at, what she’s doing, who she’s doing it with. very secretive and mysterious. not trustworthy at ALL. type of girl that would be real good at hiding, lying, and cheating. assuming you could keep her around long enough to cheat on you! she would be more likely to dump you immediately. yes, your pimp hand would have to be strong with this one. you would have to be VERY masculine, alpha, and confident. I might not even be able to fake it at this time, knowing all i do about MAsculine Confidence! you’d have to be damn near perfect to keep her. and she is really not THAT good, to demand that. her price is not that high, or, i should say, her value is not high enough to justify that price. she has some nice qualities in her personality actually, but they are way outweighed by the negative.

she really knows how to make guys MAD and JEALOUS. hehehe. she could be in big trouble if she gets mixed up with the wrong guy. heh. but i don’t think she would tolerate any abusers either. which i guess is good for her…. but i think she may have a bit of SADIST in her. probably a bit of masochist as well, but more sadist. so, i dodged a bullet there, but damn she was cute and I really wanted to bang her 100 or more times, and that was born out in this dream. I first met her and fell in “luv” with her when she was like 19 or 20 and real cute. not she is like 27 and looks a lot older, hehehe. but i would still do all the same degenerate things i would do to her when she was 19. i mean i really wish i’d banged her and made videos of her body. she was definitely on the high end of the level of my raging sexual libido for any of the Girls1thru8.

as of june 2014 you DO need spotify PREMIUM in order to use the lightwieght spotify player spotiamp. damn.

anyway. girl6. real cute and I would do absolutely disgusting, degenerate things to her that I wouldn’t do with normal cute gurls. it’s too bad she never came to her senses and liked me, hehehehe. however she never blatantly rejected me. if i had better game back in the day i might have been able to pull some action from her. but it’s possible i have not seen her since 2009 or 2010! and then soon after that she moved and I haven’t seen her since. if she were to initiate contact with me with hints of sechsytime, i would allow it, but i’m not gonna lower myself to reach out to her. balls in her court hehehe. though i hear she only dates black guys, hehehehe, and that aint me, babe, no no no.