aim for 5-6000 words hahahaha

oct 15

yeah i really need to do more STRENUOUS exercise like running and also lifting. at LEAST do MOAR pushups.

had some terrible experience with the qualcomm atheros ar986x or whatever wireless adapter, at least i THINK the prob is there, and not with windows 10, or both, i mean i want a permanent fix here.

hahahahahahahahaha qualcomm does not offer drivers to users, you have to go to the OEM

anyway i tried installing what turned out to be an “unofficial” qualcomm driver, couldnt figure it out….i dont think? and then eventually ROLLED BACK to a previous driver which paradoxically had a higher number, but that might not mean what i think it means, and since one does not simply get clear explanations with ANYTHING tech related, i just accepted the god damn “fix”.

i should have just accepted that when you work in tech support, one does not simply explain things. you can either explain shit or FIX it, and it takes 10000000000000000000000000000000000000 times longer to explain it. its actually NORMAL for there to be no explanations, because it COST 9999999999999999999999999999 times more to explain shit than to fix it.

well that begs the question……….how do you FIX something if you dont fully understand it?

well, you just do Root Cause and fix the root cause and see if the problem stops. you dont necessarily know how things got from root cause to broken.

and i dont know how to root cause because level 1 doesnt do that.

heh. probably the level 2 and 3s who DO do root cause havent been trained on it EITHER. dont know the best practices of root causing. just trial and error. throw spaghetti at the wall. same as level 1 does. just CALL it root cause and wait to be proven wrong.

people posting job postings talking about HIPAA should KNOW its spelled HIPAA NOT HIPPA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

managed to apply to three jobs today. again used the card game as my safeguard or buffer, my way of “holding my nose” and just doing it. music is another way of doing this.

had card game going on right side of screen, had browser open in top left, and then word document or spreadsheet in lower left. really need 2 monitors for this type of thing.  sheeeeit ill pay for my own monitor. and then donate it to the company. liek when i bought a new coffee machine at my old job and left it there when i left.

oh the one place is a hot shit accounting firm and they want Top Talent so they wont look at muh clunky cover letter.  be like motherfooker i went to top skool hahahahahaha.

hey i think i do a pretty good job during interviews covering up the fact that i have crippling, debilitating anxiety hahahaha, and just come across as having a normie level of nervousness.  and at muh last job i lasted a full year despite it taking a huge toll on me. i SURVIVED and WITHSTOOD. so just give me a damn CHANCE and HIRE me already.

i mean i was not healthy but i survived the anxiety a lot longer that you or me would THINK, i never ACTUALLY ran out of there crying and panicking, and i would have lasted a bit longer if SHE hadnt been there, and if i had smoked more MJ hehehehe.

but if she HADNT been there, would i have been able to survive the first few months?

i just cant say. she DID give me some moral support at that time, but I think that even more important was the technical support I got from the more experienced people around me. when i was panicking and didnt know what to do, they could sometimes help me out a little.

heh i have literally not lost any weight in 2 weeks. i have stayed 135.6 pounds for the past 2 weeks. yeah thats just fine but i want to get to 130. when you are a 5’7″ manlet, that is not as ridic as it sounds.

heh. i shouldnt have sent her 3 emails. 3 fookin long emails. at the most i should have sent her 1 short email saying dont dump me like this, ill pay for a shrink who can help you dump me in a nicer way, tell me our relship meant something and that i am not a piece of garbage and that you wish me well, i wish you well, thanks for the memories, the end.

ok i tech qualify for gs 07 govt paygrade, which starts at 31k. that is like 15.50 an hour. i qual bc i have “superior academic achievement” of over 3.0 GPA hahahaha.

so this is kinda good, it tells me FEDGOV thinks i am worth 31k a year bitches.

and if i didnt have superior acad ach, i would be GS06, which starts at 28k, which is 14 an hour, which is like average for all americans, which is GREAT.

and then 13 an hour was average for my state, so then i went down to that.

and then i said ok ill debase myself to 12 an hour because i have a long gap but not a dollar lower! even negros wont work for less than 12 an hour!

i was briefly watching this ridicul 1997 movie on BET called “higher learning”. it was quaint and stupid. omar epps from house played a young college black, being mentored in Radical Marxist Black Panthers by ice cube. none of the college kids talked like supergenius phd swpl marxists they way they do now, they sound like even bigger idiots. their poison rhetoric has gotten a lot more sophisticated in the past 19 years hehehehe.

there was a group of 1488 neo nazi skinheads with michael rapaport and cole hauser? from dazed and confused. hello sirs may you tell me more about getting a GS06 job with the FEDGOV hahahahaha. do you work for the FBI or the CIA.

and then laurence fishburne playing a Distinguished Professor with a jamaican accent hahahahahaha.

i reminded me of how things were simpler and more innocent in the 90s hahahaha. and that these college kids were just NEWBS in this SJW stuff.

not that the 90s werent nihilistic and degenerate with their marilyn manson and such hehehehe.

so michael rapaport shows hes hard enough to K a black, by shooting tyra banks. like K’ing tyra banks (omar epps gurlfran) is gonna win the RACE WAR which they also mentioned. were in a race war brothers!

if he wanted to do some real damage, he would have K’d the J’ish Marxist professors in humanities and social “sciences”, and skool diversity officers and admins.

but noooooooooooo just shoot blacks. so stupid.

managed to get 4 apps done on a saturday, not something i usually do. just by shrinking down my windows even more and having a card game up the whole time. card game is like my armour/shield against the lip curling disgust of doing the apps. holding the nose in a way to successfully Get Things Done. when you have to do 500, 600 of these goddamn apps. eating the shit elephant one shitty bite at a time.

yeah i already mentioned this but its important and bears repeating hehehehe.

its not just eating an elephant, its eating a shit elephant, because every bite fookin sucks and is painful and excruciating. and you have to do a lottttttttttttt of these bites. and you cant just do them for 8 hours straight or you will blow your brains out.

5 apps. noice. well the last one was an indeed quik apply, to a job at a tool factory in a very trashy part of town, that had been open for 25 days and had 350 applicants. and is prob 10 to 12 dollars an hour. of course they didnt say.

ok the trick to getting a medical mj card is to complain of PAIN. CHRONIC PAIN in your back or arm or neck. i am fortunate in that the one thing i dont have is chronic physical pain, but this is by far the most popular qualifying condition. despair and anxiety and insomnia and headaches arent qualifying. (well, MAYBE headaches would be.)

so go to a shady clinic with a shady doctor on doctor day, say you have chronic headaches and dont want to take opiates, and he will 75% give you approval. then you can go back in 30 days for a follow up visit to prove ongoing relship bona fides. most people dont do this and the state prob wont go after you if you dont. you think THAT WOMAN did that? hell no!

i should look this up. how many people does the state go after because they suspect they are faking their medical condition? probably not a single damn person. do you know how much MONEY that would COST?

i just really dont like the state having my name as a MJ smoker though. will endanger my career at the FBI hahahaha.

but seriously folks i am applying to a lot of FED jobs like army, air force, DoD, us attorneys, etc tho.

havent had any FED interviews hehehehe.

anyway as far as state medical MJ FRAUD, i would IMAGINE the state would use their resources to prosecute fraud on the part of DOCTORS and “caregivers”/dispensaries/SELLERS, before they would spend a penny to prosecute “PATIENTS” for Fraudulently soliciting Cards.


oct 16

i was thinking again about the Maximum number I would tolerate for a woman. I thought about, well, what if I were like a woman and I had Gotten With and Had Secs with every person I fancied. Then MY number would be about 8. Pretty high, huh? sure i would have gladly dated all of those women for at least a year each. AND I would have liked to be married by age 25 or 30 at the oldest.

and i am aiming for 25 year old women approx.

and also using a rule that you should not have more than 1 secs partner in a 1.5 year period. assume a 1 year relship, then 6 months to get over it.

also assume you start fooking at age 18.

so, add 2 partners for every 3 years.

so, by age 24 they should have no more than 4 men.

even THAT sounds a little high!

by age 27, 6 men.

age 30, 8 men.

age 33, 10 men.

and since i am around that age, i should have around 10 women and still non be a technical degenerate.

but 10 seems ALWAYS degenerate! plus I wanted to be MARRIED by now! and any woman should be married by 30, no exceptions!

and i would only be at 8 right now. assuming i banged ALL those women…….which is a RIDICULOUSLY big assumption. most of them didnt even have fleeting interest in me.

i was basically trying to come up with a reasonable, nondegenerate number for a 25 year old woman, so i could Manage Expectations from there.

and estimating my own number if I were a woman and could bang every person I liked. I would be at damn 8 by now. making me a huge degen slut hahahahahaha. if i were a woman.

also i have never LOST INTEREST in a woman. women lose interest in men all the time. been dating and fooking this guy for a few months, few years, just lose interest, dont feel it any more, better dump him and find a new man that makes me tingle. i just dont understand losing interest in peopel like that.

i havent lost interest in THAT WOMAN, and i havent seen or talked to her in 15 months! 450 days! im STILL interested in her!

but boy she sure lost interest in me, and now i am just a long forgotten piece of her distant past! i wish i could get over women the way they get over ME!!!!!!

i guess after “the honeymoon period” you start to lose interest. i never had that. essentially i was always dumped DURING the honeymoon period, which REALLY sucks. you never got a CHANCE to lose interest in them. and then you maintain that interest for 2 years after you were dumped. essentially turns it into a neverending honeymoon period of ridiculously prolonged pain and heartbreak.

much longer than any natural honeymoon period would last, which i guess lasts….6 months? 1 year at the most?

thinking about MJ definitely is a good replacement/substitute for thinking about HER, or WOMEN, or Hopeless and despair, or job search.

but MJ has its own set of problems.



i mean it adds SO MUCH value. i think the cons of despair, laziness, and incoherence are WORTH IT, because I am ALREADY despairing, lazy, and incoherent!!!!!!!!!!

so i just go on Leafly and read articles about CBD and anxiety and opioids and local dispensaries and menu prices and indicas and such.

it would be GREAT if that one company in the area that i know of that deals with Medical MJ Marketing called me back for the part time data entry job i applied for hahahahahaha. i think it almost has to do with “biotech”, the CEO is a pharmacist.

this would be a GREAT industry for me to get into in other words, cnsidering my interests. except i dont necessarily want to be a “budtender” in the BLACK GHETTO hahahahahaha.

1, they prob make less than 12 an hour, 2, i could not explain that to muh fam, 3, dispensaries are kinda degen. MJ is kinda degen!!!!!!

there are NO alt right, trump supporting, right wing MJ supporters! i am kinda alone in that boat. some of the more libertarian rightists might support legalization, but certainly none of them personally enjoy partaking!

ok there is nothing in my official medical record that would support MJ card, so i have to say i have no medical records and i have chronic pain.

THEORETICALLY i could claim that the ssri meds i take cause muscle spasms and then THAT would be a qual condition.

also i cant determine how long you have to WAIT before sending the forms in, and getting your card, OR if you can just use a copy of your forms AS your card immediately. I think That Woman did the latter. ie saw the dr, signed the forms, sent forms, took copy of forms to dispensary THE SAME DAY and bought MJ.

i really dont think that is legal. my understanding is you have to wait 21 days from the day the state cashes your CHECK, and THEN you can use a copy of form IF you havent gotten Hard Card yet.

i am going to start reclaiming the word “VIRGIN” as a badge of honor, a compliment. if someone calls you virgin, say thank you.

my goal is to get virgin to be synonymous with GOOD, and “NONVIRGIN” to be synonymous with DEGENERATE, PERVERTED, SLEAZY, BAD, HORRIBLE, EVIL, WICKED, CREEPY, ABUSIVE, FOOKED UP, SHAMEFUL.


shame people for being nonvirgins.

see, this is when your perspective starts getting a little weird hehehe.

i just hate that EVERY woman has “NUDES” on mens phones and computers. and it makes them feel SEXY and builds their CONFIDENCE that all these men they fook have NUDES of them. its fooking degenerate. plus i am jelly because i never got nudes of a gurl. i kinda would like to cross that off my bucket list. and somewhere out there, THAT WOMAN is sexting nudes of herself to the men shes fooking and getting INTERESTED in.

oh well. who cares. just let me buy some damn MJ already hehehe.

ok i am guessing 2019 will be the year we get recreational MJ for Adults in muh state. meaning the law will get passed in late 2018 and take effect jan 2019. cant wait hahahaha. 2 more years. the current gov and AG are against MJ.

so i would vote in leftist marxist dem state govt just to get legal MJ ???!?!?!?!?!!?

maybe hehehehe.

i mean i am very selfish because i am just trying to get thru one day at a time and fix my own problems. i dont have time for anyone else. i only care about muh family and the white race. and apparently muh MJ.  strange position to be in.

i mean i have literally been thinking about MJ much of the day for the past few days, like, damn, i really want some, why the hell DONT i just go in and see a shady doc, be like, welp i havent been to a doctor in years and i dont have any medical records, and ive been having chronic pain in my back for the past 4 months and i dont want painkillers.

i mean i COULD get medical records but theres nothing in there which SUPPORTS getting MJ, like nothign about this so called back pain hahahaha.

if i were a WOMAN id have no problem getting MJ hahahaha.


im not sure if MW has ever mentioned his rumored GF, not sure if he does here, havent watched the video.

alt right dating hahahahaha i dont see this taking off but if it does, good.

i mean if i want a traditional woman, i have to be a traditional man, and uhhhh thats prob not gonna happen unfortuantely. id like to be but DAMN you need to make a LOT of money and be REALLY successful.

so i concluded that i would be ok with a woman who had fooked maybe 5 guys by age 25.

maybe 6.

but not 7 hahahaha.

well ok maybe 7. but DEF not 8.

and honestly i dont want to go much older than 25.

MAYBE 26 hahahaha.

but not 27.

hello doctor. i havent been to a doctor in many years. i have chronic pain for the last 4-6 months. taking aspirin doesnt really help. i dont want to use opiates.

ok i really DONT deserve a good wife cuz i dont really have anything to offer. i was/am aware of this, but a good woman just sort of dropped into my life without me looking for me, knowing that i wasnt ready for one.

so it might not be inaccurate to say i raelly didnt deserve her!

well heres the thing, she had some red flags against being a top shelf good wife. if anything she would be a good match for me given my own shortcomings. the best woman i could conceivably get. of COURSE im not gonna get a woman WITHOUT Daddy Issues or who HASNT mudsharked! im a huge old neet loser, low male mate value!

anyway, point is, even if she WAS an objectively good wife material, and even though I didnt deserve her, it doesnt mean that i DESERVED to be snubbed in such a cowardly manner.

see i have to convince myself that i’m not so weak and creepy that i deserved THAT, that I got the extreme pain because I am extremely piss weak. shitty things happen to shitty people.

but really as martin luther kang said, never attribute to malice what can be attributed to simple cowardice. or ignorance.

meaning, she didnt have evil intent, OR i didnt do something horrible, OR I wasnt a horribly weak inferior person. she was just cowardly and immature. thats believable right? of course it is!!!!!

so yeah i WAS weak and didnt deserve a good women, but that doesnt mean that good women GET to be mean to me. woman2012 was a great woman and she gave a Master Class in how to dump an unworthy guy. have i said this before? hahahahahahahaha.

SHE had courage, SHE was mature, AND she was a good woman, AND I didnt deserve her, AND she still treated me with kindness and maturity.

sheeeeeeeeeit. managed to crank out some very low effort, negro style applications with indeed apply. 8 minutes then 6 minutes. all while doing the hold muh nose method of playing cards at same time. listening to boortzum also helps.


now they actually recorded the WHOLE ALBUM but i cant find it other than on a secret link posted by the actual echo collective.

anyway they need to release that shit. i dont care if they are shitlibs examining the separattion of Good Art from Problematic, Hateful, Disturbed, AntiSemitic 1488 artist. (Note: I fully approve of and like Varg’s 1488, Pro-White, Counter-Semitic views, so I am just as Disturbed and hateful as him!!!!!) its an album with not the greatest production but i believe good songs under it all. so i welcome the chance to listen to cover version, tributes, maybe even a rerecording by varg himself hint hint.

but now he uses that NOISY synth effect which i dont really like either, its very shimmery and distorted and sounds like a laser and just doesnt fit, is like nails on a chalkboard. other than THAT, he does bretty good synths.

real low effort applications for data entry job with a law firm.

does working in a law firm mean you have to wear a different suit each day?

5 days a week times 150 dollars per suit, is 750 dollars just for Work Clothes!

then 100 dollars for 5  20 dollar dress shirts.

then like 50 dollars for an ok pair of dress shoes.

900 dollars to buy CLOTHES to work at a LAW OFFICE.

and you are making 12 dollars an hour.  you have to work 75 hours just to afford the CLOTHES you need to wear to WORK.

and with 150 dollar suits, 20 dollar shirts, and 50 dollar shoes, you are NOT gonna be on the good side of Average in a Law Office.

well the protip is, try to apply for two or more jobs at a given company in a ROW, because then you have to change less in your cover letter – just the name of the Leadership Team, and the name of the Position. dont have to change the name of the company, or Your Commitment to the company’s Mission, and save some time on your second app, and maybe appear more visible to the company. memorable. but dont apply for TOO many, then you look DESPERATE, that youre not TAILORING your job search, you dont care about FIT, you just want a job, any job, not a CAREER!!!!!! theyll find someone BETTER to give their 12 dollars an hour to!

this is the only article on the internet on how to say no to customers. and its not a very useful one.

google how to tell people theres nothing more we can do

most of the results are on doctors telling terminal cancer patients.

nothing on how to tell a customer, no, your problem isnt worth fixing, just live with it, it is what it is, not my problem, goodbye.

i know ive linked this one before, but its worth sharing with your Level 1 Inbound Agents hahahahaha.

also we had no bulletproof way to transfer the call to another level 1, ie warm transfer and say hey this person wants to speak to a supervisor, so pretend to be a supervisor…….because all the level 1 people would be on calls,


theres literally no one to transfer it TO!

so you tell them thats a very simple problem and i can fix that for you right now.

then they say, thats what the last guy said, and he struggled with this for 2 hours with no resolution or escalation, thats why im asking to speak to a supervisor.

thats actually a very simple problem, i can fix that right now.

then you take 2 hours to struggle with it hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha because its NOT a simple problem at ALL and NOBODY knows how to fix it, but they dont want to escalate it either, they jsut want the problem to GO AWAY.

not really what i was looking for, but still kinda interesting, basically acting as a gatekeeper to keep sales calls from the Decision Maker, which osunds a lot less stressful than being the Tier 1 tasked with Fixing Their Shit By Any Means Necessary, with no help or escalation or training or meetings or help.

bbbbbut its TOO EXPENSIVE to give the asshole customers what they want all the time!

yeah but thats not really what hes asking either.

yeah but its too expensive to TRAIN EMPLOYEES to handle tough trick questions.

yes yes it is.

our business analysts have crunched the numbers and have determined that yes in depth training IS too expensive.

The end! It is what it is! Theres nothing more we can do!

oh this is nice, did not know about this one.

NEVER AGAIN. I will never go back to a goddam call center ever again. and i had a pretty GOOD one, with fairly good callers, all internal, no general public ever. and i still couldnt handle it!!!!!!!!!

oct 18

today i learned that indeed results can only go up to page 20, which is about 4 days ago when sorted by date.

putting 50 results on each page. or is it 100? whatever the largest num is.

got in 3 apps today. 2 at a german manufacturer that has an outstanding reputation and probably treats its employees well. maybe if i tell the american HR Ditz (masters degree in HR, PHR certified (not sure if i got that cert right)) that I think Germany should have won world war 2 and i Luv Uncle Adolf, they will hire me, because all germans are nazis who love hitler and hate joos hahahahahaha. and are not cucky softies apologizing for existing until they will be diluted and drowned by Migrants.

found the full

this is a private playlist but god damn they need to RELEASE this stuff, this is too GOOD to be private. very faithful rendition of the whole album performed by Competent Musicians on Real Instruments. people should do this for all of vargs ambient/nonmetal albums. i wish thats how he recorded them. i dont like synths Approximating (sometimes poorly) real instruments. i understand varg likes his convenience. thats fine. get other people to play it, like above.

finally got to the point where i had to go back to The Indeed List. I dont know if this is good or bad.

yeah i get imposter syndrome too.

first commenter says, the shitty thing about imposter syndrome is, from the outside, its practically impossible to tell apart from the dunning kruger effect.

and if you dont know what that means, you dont deserve a 12 dollar an hour job!

dunning kruger effect means that you are way less competent than you think you are.

which is similar but different to the peter principle, where you get promoted to the point where you are no longer competent. so your most effective position would be the one below that one.

maybe if his wife abandons him he will Change and Go To Counseling and get over his impostor syndrome (overworked and underappreciated IT guy who feels in over his head and works 30 hour days)

anyway yeah i felt huge impostor syndrome too, it was VERY stressful. but i wasnt ACTUALLY incompetent, so it wasnt really dunning kruger effect. besdies with DK, you are not stressed out, youre overconfident, so id take DK ALL DAY.

if youre gonna be incompetent, be DK and not an impostor.

of course, only 50% of impostors are ACTUALLY incompetent hehehehehe.

they just underestimate and undersell themselves.

yes i well aware that THREE of the songs on “daudi baldrs” are RECYCLED on other Boortzum albums. doesnt matter. they are good songs.

there is an ask men reddit, also a mens space where men can ask questions about women and rels and life. i am just tired of hearing about womens problems, and womens stupid advice.

i mean SOME of the women have good judgment. but no more than 50% hahahaha.

men at least 60% of men have good judgment!

also men can “send good vibes” more sincerely than women can. have better intentions. are kinder. more compassionate hahaha.

like reading the tales from tech support reddit, since i have wiped alot of detailed stories from my memory of my sentence in tech support, i can use this to tune up my Tell Me About A Time When Stories.

when i came in on my day off to call customers back because i didnt have time during my regular shift, and i didnt want to leave people hanging without an explanation or follow up.

people wiht this kind of ADHD get written off as derpressed, stupid, or lazy, instead of ADD, because they are not HYPER.

ADHD-PI. learned about it from that reddit thread, impostor sndrome.

ok applied for jizob while chilling out at night, up to 4 today. thats pretty good. also looked at 20 pages of indeed postings.


misunderstandings, miscommunications, autistic inexperienced guy, gurl who is too immature to Use Words, he thinks these things are dates, she doesnt, she wants a real date, young autist doesnt know how to.

well obviously he didnt Grab Her By The Pvssy (or just Make Out With Her) during one of those walks in the park.

and its a miracle she hasnt left him yet. him saying please respond, i’ll take you on a nice date, Ill grab your pvssy in the park pleeeeeeeeeeeeee just give me one more chance, i can change, i promise, please respond hahahahahahahahahaha and then he takes 2+ years to get over it.

heh call me a woman hater, but i think a guy is entitled to tell his gf she’s not allowed to hang out with her former “FWB”‘s. you arent allowed to hang out with anybody you have previously FOOKED.

oh but WERE dating now, and i never dated him exclusively, we were just FWBs, we just FOOKED.

i dont care. and if that makes me CONTROLLING, well there are women who prefer CONTROLLING men.

similarly, i dont think women should be hanging out with their ex BF”s either. just dont hang out with anybody you used to date OR fook.

its so weird for me because this is SUCH a common thing in the current year. but i just cant understand it. because every experience ive had “dating” or fooking somebody, i was dumped against my will, so hanging out with them, i woudl totally be thinking about “getting back together” with them. so maybe im wrong in assuming that of women. especially since women are the ones DOING the dumping. of course, you can still want to go back to someone YOU dumped.

i mean I wouldnt. Cuz i know how bad it feels to be dumped, and i wouldnt’ want to be LORDING it over them, and I wouldnt get past the idea that the other person wanted to get back together with ME, so……i just wouldnt hang out as “just friends” with them!

and all these women are making WAY more money in their male dominated stem fields, than i ever will! as Recent College Grads of 22 years old! I could almost be their FATHER hahahaha.

yeah i jsut CANT IMAGINE hanging out with someone i used to date or fook, without wanting them back, because i didnt like when they dumped me in the first place!!!!!





sept 12

ok. go to sears and MAYBE kohls to get t shirts.

go to jcpenney or sears for pants and shoes.

get wrangler khakis/chinos and wrangler jeans.

try to Hem your own Pant Legs at like 28 inches hahahahahahahhahaha manlet 4 lyfe.

i am not sure what exactly chinos means.

it would be really sad if the BEST woman I can find is one who is totally not into me.

i just hate how women GET OVER men so quickly. like in a few weeks tops, theyve already forgotten about you and are FOOKING other men.

i say its not REAL feelings unless it takes you at LEAST a YEAR of celibacy to get over the person.

of course i should go on okcupid and tinder and look for disgusting fatherless white trash whores to bang!!!!!! its been over a YEAR! you think a WOMAN would wait over a YEAR to start fooking new coch? fook no! in most cases they are taking new coch in a few WEEKS!!!!!

would this all be easier to deal with if i had some FWB slut? YES, PROBABLY!

yes that is degenerate, but look at the long term goal: better relations with women, more confidence with women, better chance at pulling GOOD women, and more confidence in the short term too!

who needs hookers when you have normie western sluts?

i mean it would SUCK if That Woman was the best woman I ever experienced. Technically Woman2012 was a better woman than her: lower n, and absolutely no relship experience, better family, much better father, generally conservative and moral minded, no MJ, etc.

heh there is a TRS forum user who actually lives in my exact town, and is a mid 40s woman. unbelievable. should i meet up with her and see if she is a MILF hahahahaha? i mean lets say she is in the LATER 40s.

yeah i would totally bang a milf but i wouldnt want to Mongo Date a Milf! want to date a 25 year old YOUNG woman and have CHILDREN!!!!!!

(not that 25 is super young, but its around the youngest I could pull realistically, and it was around the age That Woman was too. i mean she is getting older now of course hahahaha. )

also, rest assured that I would not DEFILE a woman who had not already been defiled. I would always used the Campsite Rule. Besides I know it’s all Muh Dick Ingra-ness and I dont want to go too far down that road. but I really do want some positive attention from women, to feel like I have something that is attractive to some women at least, and that i am at least desirable enough to Bang Sluts!!!!!!

but not a degen amount of sluts. just a few. less than average. average is TOO degen.

well this moron thinks she looks great obese so…..i was hoping she was “just” a bit overweight and he wanted her to lose some weight



she is by OP’s admission “much bigger” than mindy kaling, that fat streetshitter pig hahahaha. hahaha no mindy kaling isnt THAT fat, shes just super annoying and obnoxious.  yeah i would probably bang her too.

anyway i just want to emphasize that i knew shit was going downhill with that woman, but i did NOT expect the falling out to happen the way it did. I completely expected she would respond to communicate with me in some way, probably by bitching at me like i was the bad guy hahahahaha. i did NOT expect what happened AT ALL. was really caught off guard there.

ok time to listen to arcturus

we are all overly familiar with this album, well i only ever knew 2 or 3 songs off it, and I was looking for something with hellhammer’s drum playing where his drum sound was not all overproduced as fook and you could actually appreciate his skills as a very skillful human drummer. who does not look like a norwegian at all hahahahahaha.

i dont think mayhem is the best vehicle for him so im glad he plays in 9000000 other bands. im not sure what would be the best vehicle for him. i think he would have been a good match for emperor post-faust.

anyway maybe i jsut hate women. well i admitted i was in a women hating phase! i listend to that crusader girl and i didnt really like her. i dont want to be LECTURED to by some 17 year old twit hahahahaha. im old enough to be your father. dont bitch about your parents being “cucks”, i dont care if they are. and yeah it does sound unladylike when you swear. and yeah your voice sounds like a bitchy dumb 17 yo gurl.

then i listened to nationalist review wsg evalion and i had the same issues with HER. i dont like that cutesy wutesy kawaii type girly voice. but is this just NORMAL for 17 year old gurls?

they sound like CHILDREN!

but these children fook MEN in totally degen ways!!!

and it seems kinda perverted to fook gurls who seem like CHILDREN!

I never thought I’d hear ME say this, me who prefers Younger Women!

either way, i could not determine whether i just hate all women…..or these two alt right racist women had some quality about them which i did not like.

but that’s true! they just came across as dumb, obnoxious, annoying, rude, immature, and unlikable!!!!!!!!!!!

So is that what ALL WOMEN are like?

And no i dont think these traits are associated with racist alt right women, just rather just with young, immature, possibly crazy, narcissistic women.

That Woman did not annoy me like that. She had a somewhat squeaky voice but it sounded nice and she didnt have that annoying Vocal Fry which 50% of women have and makes them sound like idiot sluts.

so do women in general just trigger me? maybe. that i cant even stand to hear them talk without getting triggered and annoyed?

Well I listen to real life women talking pretty much every week and it doesnt really TRIGGER me!!!!

ok nicolas cage has a son named weston who was the singer of a black metal band called “eyes of noctum” where hellhammer played drums on their album hahahahahahaha

i dunno. when i went on my big social thing last week there was a lot of women there and i got kinda annoyed at the obnoxious things they said and though JEEZ thank GOD Im not married to THEM! I wouldnt want to be!

then they later said things or I had a small talk with them and I was like, well, they’re really not that bad after all. so, its really hard to tell when you are not actually talking to the women. in other words, if i were to actually talk to evalion or crusader girl grace, i might actually like them moar. but i am not going to be talking to them in person anytime soon!

also, men don’t  really need you to do that.

took one half a dose of nyquil. i determined that full dose is just too much, simply because you are sluggish for 24 fookin hours. so i figure half dose, 12 hours, that should be good enough.

so yeah. i dunno these girls just dont seem really NICE. I want a gurl to be NICE and these gurls seem bitchy. thats really all there is too it. they seem bitchy and narcissistic. i am a total narcissist, but i will tell you straight up, and also i know its bad.

also anyone who puts their face out their on the internet and sayd 1488 heil hitler gtkrwn, ummmmmm that is a signal about their level of cautiousness. I prefer women who are more cautious rather than less cautious. what ELSE is she not being CAUTIOUS about?

its GOOD for women to be CAUTIOUS!!!! err on the side of caution!!!!!!

most men who get into 1488 show caution!!!!!!


I have listened to HOURS of men talking, but I have never seen their faces, and I am very ok with that! Fatherland Jim and Bradan, 7th Son, K1ke Enoch, No1 Ryan. I want them to hide their faces so they can provide for their families. people who show their faces are usually a little bit more of a LOOSE CANNON.

unless they are like anglin or weev, who i think have earned the privilege to show their faces. or Woes.

But Evalion or Crusader Gurl are NOTHINGGGGGG like Anglin, Weev, or Woes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

George Feels shows his face……..but he doesnt talk about 1488. I think he is sympathetic to the Alt Right, tho. but he’ll never talk about 1488 and i don’t expect him too.

so, in short, I think there is a personality thing about THESE WOMEN that I don’t like…….not some kind of blanket hate I have for All Women, always.

spet 13

ok gotta get with the program here. honestly. got to get back on the horse and jobsearching. got to get to 500 jobs, 25 interviews.

it doesnt matter if i hate all women. even total woman haters need to get jobs hahahahaha.

also, i was kind of a woman hater when i became friends with her. i was joking, yeah i am a total woman hater, i dont usually get along with women this well, so you must be special. i wasnt entirely joking! but the women i get along with dont believe such a NICE GUY like me can be a woman hater hahahahaha.

ok. so what would make me satisfied for today re job apps. 5? 10?  theoretically, if i cant do like 32 apps a day, then i am totally worthless bum.  sheeeeeeeit i think my max is 8.

ok lets aim for 4.

ok got the 400th job in. i think i was scared of this auspicious number. so i blew it on an inauspicious job, a 13 dollar data entry job for durable medical equipment benefits management company hehehehehe. that prob wont call me hahaha.

ok. 3 more.

slavros the founder of iron march is an asian looking UZBEK? i cant even hahahahaha. i do not need this right now. well thats just want encyclopedia dramatica says. but just because i disagree wtih ED ideologically, does that mean they dont do accurate investigative reporting??!?!?!?!! so what if he IS an uzbek!

should i apply to a job at a J00ISH social services place? i mean it literally has the word J00ISH in its name. I am surprised they are located where they are located. I think this location serves mainly poor blacks hahahaha. do i really want to do this? but its super close by.

ok applied at the J))ISH place. OY VEY. that was the 401st. the 6,000,001st hahahahahaha. i mean i am gonna be a wagie for the K1KES anyway. slaving all day, white cattle for the K!KES.

some autists say that ABA therapy is “ABUSE” and cannot qualify that any further, in that smug tone like if you NEED it explained, youre a privileged white idiot. if you need it explained how you benefit from white privilege, you are part of the problem, not the solution. its not my job to educate you! educate YOURSELF!!!!!!! i spend my time fighting oppression, not educating privileged people!!!!!

i bring this up because i see ABA jobs all the time and i think, hmm, maybe i should get into that. i can relate to AUTISTS. I am almost autistic myself!!!!!

ok applied to the ABA job. there was a really really cute gurl on the website that was a staff member. cute fookin gurls who get psychology and social work degrees. i have a similar useless degree but i never Aggressively Pursued Graduate work in the field.

the gurl staffer they showed on the website was so qt that i could easily fall in luv with a coworker like that hahahahaha.

but if she was already attached, and the good ones all are, i guess it really wouldnt matter, because i dont interfere with good relships. if it were a bad relship i would encourage her to dump him and get with me.

anyway. i just hate being destroyed in muh heart, as well as having her humiliate me in my working life as well. she is making good money and moving up, i am struggling to get back into damn 20k a year no benefits jobs at the org where i first met HER four damn years ago!!!!!!!!

i have had at least 3 interviews with various depts at this org and nothing. all damn 11-12 dollar part time jobs. yes i already asked my actual previous employer for my old job back and no response there, and i am not gonna beg them any more, so i am looking at the other many departments in this org.

heh. meeting her set me back FOUR YEARS of my life hahahahahahahahahaha. i wish i had never met her!

i hate people who move forward instead of backward hahahahaha.

we shouldnt even be competing against WOMEN at the WORKPLACE anyway. but we have to because j00s. i just hate when i am humiliated at the workplace by a woman and a woman i was once close with totally PWNS me work wise: respect, money, status, stress.

i can honestly say i wish i never met her. four years of muh life WASTED. LOST 4EVER. She can’t say the same about the guy she was in a LTR with for 4 years. They had a good rel for a while, she experienced a lot of firsts, it went through the Real Relship Life Cycle (NOT the 20X speed Fast Forward Simulator!!!!), it ran its course, learned a lot of things, and semi amicably go their separate ways. also he benefited HER career by getting her the job, and she is taking that job to the next level. he benefited her life in a permanent way in that way. also I think SHE encouraged him and supported him to get some education/training so he could get his job in the first place.

its so weird seeing women asking for advice on how to work things out. why didnt they just walk away at the first sign of difficulty and say UGH. this is too much. Im out of here. Its hard for me to imagine a woman who doesn’t want to walk out at the first sign of difficulty.  and she stood by him when he was getting difficult.

but i can honestly say i wish i never met her, she left no permanent benefit on my life, it WASNT nice knowing her. well it WAS, but now that HAUNTS me, as something I had once, and can never get back.

its just not good for the confidence to be never given a CHANCE. there has literally never been a woman who wanted more than a short term fling with me. the idea of long term rel with me makes them recoil in horror and disgust.

i listened to some more evalion and i just dont like that super girly voice. you can have a high pitched woman voice and not sound like THAT. and the laughing. the way these women LAUGH at things trigger me. it just makes me think of them being cheats and liars and phonies, just totally making a FOOL out of some foolish guy whos in luv with her. HURTING guys and breaking hearts. that’s what I hear in their Phony Voices!!!!!!!

i didnt get any of that bad shit from her though. she really did have something i really liked. when she laughed and talked, it didn’t sound like that.

but some women are like, yeah im not IN luv with him any more, but i luv him and he’s muh best friend and i want to dump him but i dont want to hurt him because he’s such a good guy and i dont want to break his heart. i wish she had thought that way about me!!!!!!!!! i dont want to break his heart because i Luv Him As A Person, but I just can’t do that kind of rel! hey that would have been SWEET. AWESOME.

i still get angry at the hospital who called me in for the part time 12 dollar job and then cut the interview off right in the middle of the first question. come on. am i really THAT impressive? I guess people can tell that I “sound smart” right away. I sound a hell of a lot smarter than THAT WOMAN, who sounds kinda STUPID, yet shes moving up and im moving down. FOOK.

yet i dont sound smart in any way thats beneficial to me, ie getting me a job. dont you want smart people? sure, but they also dont want weirdos with a huge gap. so push this guy outta here with flattery of how smart he is.

well, it IS important to me that I am smart, because I WANT to be thought of as smart, so the flattery kind of works…..but i also am sick of doing 18.5 interviews and just want a goddamn job already!

and then i can worry about not going crazy and being able to stay Mentally Tough enough to keep the job for a year hahahahahaha.


see this woman is thinking about “GHOSTING” this guy but I think it would probably be warranted because he sounds like a POS who is lying to her and still in luv with his ex gf from 5 years ago hehehehe.

i didnt do anything like this! i just had the Gall to Get Feelings!

just treat me like a damn human being! thats all! treat the guys you dump and cheat on and throw away like human beings!!!!! thats all i ask!!!!! take them serious as serious, real human beings!!!!!

heheheh well at least i applied for 6 jobs today and going for a 7th. it tends to make me angry and upset about Jobs….and also about her too hahahahaha. lose lose. lose lose lose lose lose situation.  people who only have lose lose sitations are PRIVILEGED, probably white privilege hahaha. dfdf


see SHE is getting hung up on HIM, overanalyzing the why, and is upset because shes been doing this for 4 months. hehehehe. try a YEAR. well im glad it actually bothers her at ALL and she hasnt jumped on new dick within 4 months. that makes her better than 90% of women ahhahaahhaha.

how many STUPID MISTAKES does a person need to make? basically fooking 10 guys during college because you were young and immature and didnt know what you wanted.


I learned a lot of valuable lessons and i didnt even FOOK the women! Also, some of the women were Good, Decent women who would have been Great for me……..they just didnt want to be with me, so it never started.

I didnt need to BANG 10 SLUTS to figure out what i wanted, if a person was a good or bad fit.

so why did your slut gurl have to bang 10 chads in her early 20s???????



you really dont even need to add ONE, but I will tolerate 2 or 3 “mistakes.”



so yeah i hate when women make excuses for other women to be huge sluts from 18 to 25. you dont need to fook TEN guys. and in many cases more.



may 30

oh god i am doing a research study for ISRAELIS. In israel. its funny how they always ask you your ethnicity in these things, but they never have “J00ish” as one of the things. I imagine both jews and arabs would have to identify as “caucasian” which is RIDICULOUS.

this alone disqualifies all research hahaha.

I took Accounting 1 and 2 in college and still do not feel qualified to have even an informed opinion on this decision.  think if you do not use accounting knowledge and judgment regularly, you become very rusty and incompetent. It is not like riding a bike. Hopefully it was intentional that these questions seemed confusing to the novice, even though I did well in those 2 accounting courses, and we covered all this material: balance sheets, Assets = Liability + OE, cash flows. I have simply forgotten it all. I suppose I could refresh myself fairly quickly but this study certainly did not jog my memory, rather it reminded me of how much I had forgotten! I do not like having to make decisions where I do not feel qualified or knowledgeable enough to make a good decision. Unfortunately, I often face those situations in my work, and I can only hope that bank lenders are held to a higher standard of technical competence than I am!

on business school study where i was a lending officer and had to evaluate a company’s financial statements to decide whether to approve them for a 5 million dollar line of credit. i dunno. i guess hahahaha.

so yeah i forgive her. she was jsut confused like a DUMB ANIMAL. you cant expect women to have BALLS and COURAGE. you need to be THEIR rock. they’re not capable of being YOUR rock. also she just got SCARED and ran away because she saw me as a trusted friend and now suddenly I was in love with her and wanted to marry her and lick her farting asshole and create babies with her and this was just TOO MUCH for her, ok I can understand that. so she just ran away.

i mean she had never had that kind of a rel with a guy like me before.

anyway MWoes say women like a mix of brutish and vulnerable. I would agree, and I would clarify, you have to be right kind of vulnerable. like the mudslim refugees, who are Sexually Agressive and who don’t appear personally weak or pussified, but rather they are oppressed, poor, and downtrodden.

if you are Bad Vulnerable, that’s bad. I was bad vulnerable. weak like a lost child. nope that kind of vulnerability is just shamed and shunned by women. if I had more of an angry, agressive chip on my shoulder about it, then that might have helped.

THESE are the kind of guys women want to FIX. YES, women want to FIX many guys. and I certainly need fixing.  I would WELCOME fixing by a loyal woman. But I’m not broken in the right way. you need to be stubbornly, toughly broken. A strong stubborn man who can’t be tamed. NOT a weak broken frightened lost animal kind of broken.

so yeah I am the wrong kind of broken and vulnerable hahaha. i need to be more AGGRESSIVE and STUBBORN.

maybe I should get a TRACK SUIT hahahaha. It would definitely go along with my slavic luv. get a track suit and SQUAT MOAR. Squat in muh track suit, smoke cigarettes and say AY BAYBEE U WAN SUM FUK???

obviously nonwhites enjoy track suits too, but perhaps white guys can use them to present a tough guy persona and therefore impregnate white women with white children.

You’d THINK women would be more K-selected and men would be more r-selected.

because WOMEN have the most severe consequences, ie getting pregnant, that they would care MORE about consequences and long term. BUt they in fact care LESS about these things! and that made me SO confused and frustrated.

now I think they just need to get pregnant by any means necessary, by any masculine strong man. it doesn’t matter if he’s the wrong kind of strong. the important thing s just get pregnant and perpetuate the species. it doesnt matter what race he is. just get pregnant NOW. it doesnt matter if he’s a deadbeat or sociopath. it only matters that he appears strong and confident and masculine on the surface. only the surface matters.

its kind of like companies making stupid decisions: you cant have long term without a short term. so short term is therefore more important.

and this is nonwhite, r-type thinking.

WOMEN: THE INGRAS OF THE HUMAN RACE hahahaha as didnt yoko ono put it.

yep. essentially white women think like dumb blacks. sad but true. just they way they are. born that way. you can cry about it, or you can use it to your advantage.

i really am a male supremacist. men and women are different but I can’t think of a SINGLE thing women can do BETTER than men, except Have Children. all that other shit, like being social, or communicating, or emotional intelligence. Women’s social interactions are all dramatic chaos! women communicate like shit! women are like Terrible Toddlers all their lives, until they get married and have a few kids with a Strong Good Man!

Maybe women can be Warmer and Sweeter than Men….sometimes. the tradeoff is that the same women can be colder and crueler and more uncaring than men. so it kinda cancels out.

are women better parents than men? nope. they are probably better MOTHERS than men though, hahaha. and men are better FATHERS than women, hahaha.

But I wouldn’t say women are any more kinder or gentler or more sensitive than men. they are softer and weaker than men….but that’s not a benefit. that’s not a strength.


But at the end of the day, we NEED women to

  1. have children
  2.  be mothers

those are the ONLY things women can do better than men. we might like to engineer ways for men to be able to do those things…..but never gonna happen. we will ALWAYS NEED women to do those simple but ESSENTIAL things.

men are more reliable, more trustworthy, more moral, better friends, more loyal. anything that you can think of. better workers. more productive. better communicators. better negotiators. better consensus builders. more mature. more emotionally intelligent. more situationally aware. more generous. more empathetic. more sympathetic. more rational.  better decision makers. and women want a clearly masculine man who confidently embraces all those natural superiorities.  unfortunately i do not hahaha.

I could sort of see what you were doing here…..but also I was confused. This is a classic problem in moral philosophy that can be stated with many small variations. I saw many small variations here, but none of them were really enough to convince me. Except for maybe the ones where the person’s neck was tied to the track, vs their hand was tied to the track. The logistics of this situation made it perhaps more like that a person would lose a hand rather than certainly die.
Obviously the Utilitarian argument is, always kill the one to save the five, because that maximizes the greater good.
Obviously this is a difficult situation and we don’t want it to be so black-and-white, so maybe we might prefer versions of the story where we can “have our cake and eat it too,” that is, save the five while maximizing the chances the one on the side tack will also survive. Like he would just lose a hand rather than his life, or he might be quick enough to jump out of the way of the train.
But it’s important to note that any of these situations are so ridiculous that they would almost never happen in real life. I wish there were a more believable version of this story.

some stupid study wihtout even an IRB clearance, wiht stupid variations on the classic philosophy problem of, do you kill one person to save 10 people?

I dont hate women. I LUV women! they are just unfortuantely worse than men in every way. essentially just like Big Babies. Babies who can casually create new life. babies who can be very successful at career and make more money and achieve more success than you ever will. hahaha.

like giant 50 foot babies with a machine gun and unlimited ammo.

that would be a more accurate take on the “baby with a gun” metaphor. it’s WORSE than that.

but by god we NEED them. without them, human life would not exist. So we protect them and Luv them in a way they can never really understand. but they don’t have to. they don’t HAVE to do a lot. just like a 50 foot baby with a machine gun. they do what they want. sometimes cry and throw a fit and destroy everything in sight. then when they get tired and theres nothing left to destroy, they take a nap, have a snack, and are happy again. until they get mad again.

horry sheet am I really SURE I dont hate women hahahahahaha.

well, im going through a woman hating PHASE right now! It will be better in 3 months!

confidence. its the single most important thing a man can have. it reduces anxiety and despair. it gets you jobs and women. it is the root cause of happiness. it is more important than happiness. it allows you to be TOUGH and have faith in yourself. it allows you to Get Tuff, Tuff Get Going, when the going gets tuff. it allows you to never give up and to work hard. because you’re confident in yourself, that your struggling will pay off. you struggle through the losses until you get to the wins, and then you get bitches and money hahaha. and the bitches will be loyal to you as long as youre confident. you lose confidence, you lose them. they leave you in the lurch and find a better, more confident man, like the hypergamous mercenaries they are. dont hate them for it. its just the way they are. 50 foot babies with machine guns.  it IS HARD to dominate and control a 50 foot baby with a machine gun. but god damn thats what they want ultimately. they want a man to take that gun away and shrink them down to normal size. i hear ya, that is NOT easy.

it takes a very CONFIDENT man, hahahahaha.

women will tell you you’re a woman hater because THEY don’t know how THEY work! and that’s NORMAL! you have to be OK with that!

you might know how you work, you might know how they work, but they will never know how they work! only until you wife them up and get a few babies out of her, can a women even BEGIN to be SLIGHTLY reasonable and more masculine, IE, smart and capable and trustworthy and kind and long term and adult and responsible and mature and kind and loyal and moral and awesome.

also I think if you start getting gurlfrans and dating when you are like 16 or 18, you will hate and fear women less when you are 30, and also have way more success and get along better with them, hahahaha. like a normie.

I made out with a gurl once when I was 16, but I was very conflicted about it. I didnt really like her and I didnt really want to date her. But she lived 50 miles away and I really didnt want to start a long distance rel with her, when I liked her friend better.

MAYBE if she lived in the same town as me, I would then probably have made out with her a few more times and MAYBE I would have liked her more and then MAYBE had some sort of rel with her. would have been good to get some experience and confidence. but really I was just left with frustration. I didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would at all because I didnt really like the gurl, I thought she was annoying hahahaha.

but maybe if i had spent more time with her, I would have liked her more. I probably would have. but that was not possible.

maybe if i had actually banged her i would have felt more confident. i was just making out with her and i had no idea how to do that.

the next time i made out with a gurl i was 21 years old, over 5 years later, and though I didn’t have any more experience with it, I felt I did a pretty good job of it.

i also liked that gurl a lot more and was way more into it.

my point is, do anything and everything you can do to buld confidence for yourself, short of hurting people, because confidence is the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT thing you as a man can have. for EVERY ASPECT of a man’s life. work, school, women, family life, overcoming adversity, being tuff, being successful, being content. sleeping, health, stress. it is no coincidence that despairing people have no confidence. in fact, despair is SYNONYMOUS with confidence deficit. lack of confidence CAUSES despair, not just correlates. it is a direct damn CAUSE. BELIEVE IT.

just like every man should vote for TRUMP, every man should convince every woman he knows to vote for trump or NOT TO VOTE AT ALL. Either of those would be good.

because you know who’s gonna vote for a monster like hillary?

regular, average, everyday, nonmonstrous WOMEN. normal nice women. wives and mothers.

and that is the problem with women voting!

note: i would gladly give up my own right to vote for a more strict voting policy, like only landowning males over 30 with a wife and children who make over 50 grand a year. ok i dont meet that criteria but I would gladly give up my vote to get there. and i dont think women would be NEARLY as willing to give up their vote, even if its for the greater good. cuz its in the damn long run, and its undemocratic.

its just weird. before i got feelings for her, she was reasonable, and mature, and all those things I said women are horrible at. then when I got feelings for her, she did a 180, and became a different person.  so it’s my fault. i flipped my switch, so she gets to flip her switch.

well even though I got feelings for her, i dont feel i changed as much on a fundamental level as she did. I was still the same person underneath. she felt like a damn alien. i didnt like that hahaha.

so what gives ME confidence?

feeling competent at muh job; and having a nice female friend to prove to me that I can get along with women, hahaha.

In the space below, write out a short essay to elaborate on why you should be ethically sensitive. Why is ethics important and what are the benefits for you and for others that it impacts

You forgot the question mark at the end of the question there. I would not use the term “ethically sensitive”, but I am very, very interested and serious about ethics and what I would call morals and morality. I spend a lot of time thinking about what is right and wrong, and how right or wrong it is. I believe in an absolute morality, and absolute right and wrong, although I admit the situation can have SOME limited influence on this. I think it’s important because I strongly prefer the moral to the immoral or amoral. I prefer to surround myself with other moral people. I like to think of myself as moral and morally courageous. I think any sort of human society requires some kind of morality. The more “moral” this morality is the better. I think a lot of people are brainwashed into immoral behavior because they simply don’t care about right or wrong any more, and they are never taught the importance of right or wrong. Growing up in this way, you can sometimes cause other people pain without even realizing what you are doing. It’s like you are always a child in this respect. And even most children have SOME rough sense of right and wrong.

its just weird that someone I GOT ALONG WITH SO WELL, that it fell apart so horrendously. We used to get along so well, I couldn’t believe we couldn’t communicate like Adults on this issue.

in that mgtow mw video i linked last time, he responds to a woman hating mgtow who chides him, who cares about the women that were nailbombed in brussels? dont you care about the menz? who cares about the women? aren’t men just as important as women?

and mw responds to that egregious TISM with good sense: because somewhat normal men naturally feel PROTECTIVE of women and the harming of women has an Extra Emotional Impact on them. And if you need this EXPLAINED to you, YOU are fooked up, YOU are a woman hater, like this mgtow clearly is.

So I breathed a sigh of relief, because MW didnt need to explain shit to me!  i acknowledge there is something natural and good inside healthy men that drives them to protect and WHITE KNIGHT for women!

and that some mgtows dont seem to have that at ALL which makes them REALLY look like true women haters. its not normal or good for men to be like this.

women are part of your INGROUP! better to hate other races than hate all women including women of your own race! even if women dont give a shit about race or ingroup and will gladly be race traitors hahahaha. doesn’t matter. they’re still your women. MW understands this completely. as do I. great guy. I feel like I know him, we are kindred spirits.

it just bugs me that women can be stewards of something so good and sacred, but act like such god damn dirty whores, and that being such damn dirty whores might be something NATURAL and NORMAL for them. like thats part of normal Femininity. So maybe I am wrong for finding something Sacred And Beautiful in the Life Creation Process. Goodness Knows the Wielders of that power don’t treat it as such!!!!

well they dont NEED to! and just because THEY dont doesn’t mean it isnt a Sacred And Beautiful Process!

but i am also going overboard with this All Women Are Huge Whores thing. I actually know real actual women who arent huge whores. like That Woman. But it just hurts to think of her at all. I cant use her as my Example any more.

So I know this other woman I see about once a week at my social thing, the not super attractive one who is prob gonna get married to her BF. but i like and respect her. she actually is smart and has a sense of humor and says funny things sometimes! and she is nice and good and a decent woman and will be a good wife and mother. And I think she was a damn virgin until age 27 or whatever until she met this guy and they will probably get married! Heck it’s possible they might be saving themselves for marriage! more power to them!

but yeah she needs to become my new role model to prove Not All Women are Horrible Whores. I should spend more time wiht her hahaha.  just because she is a GOOD PERSON AND she’s a woman.

i really dont see myself falling in luv with her. I knew her BEFORE she met her boifran and she was single for YEARS and I was never interested. completely unlike with my female former friend. she was NEVER single, until she was, and THEN BOOM.  end of the world.

i listened to mill woes for like 3 hours yesterday. i feel a little guilty for ABANDONING him for months. because TRS was COOLER hahahaha. now I have ABANDONED TRS in favor of Woes hahaha. no they are both kewl. I have donated my hard earned money to BOTH groups. i can’t have white children of my own, so I donate to people who support white children. This is how I live the 14 words.

and we NEED women in order to live out the 14 words. ideally.

maybe some men just don’t WANT to have children. they just don’t feel that biological urge. and maybe some women do too. we see plenty of people who say “i hate children. I never want to have children.” but I feel a good number of them are lying to themselves. or they reach age 30 and say, uhh ya know, about that, yeah ive changed my mind, ive suddenly got baby rabies nao hahahaha.

I certainly didnt feel the urge until I was pretty old. It took until I was at least 30 before I had this articulated, unambiguous, decisive desire to have children.

before I saw children as a trap which locked you into your shitty job, your shitty city, your shitty wife. children tied you down. a prison. and Now I see it as putting down roots, a time machine, a legacy, really making an INVESTMENT in the world. investing yourself to create a newer, younger, better version of yourself. to vicariously live through hahahaha. yeah why not.

i guess i sorta feel confident when I post on Despair Forums. like yeah I really know what I am talking about and people like reading my shit and I like doing this. but then I get scared to go back and see what people have said in response.

like that thing I posted yesterday which i cross posted here. I was trying to think of a good celebrity or fictional example of positive masculinity. good confidence rather than dbag confidence.  i suggested hank hill. hank hill is good but he’s BORRRRRRING, women would think he was BORING. yeah well women are idiot whores hahahaha. hank hill is AWESOME. hes not boring AT ALL.

then I thought, how about an AUSTRALIAN MAN like Crocodile Dundee. I luv the stereotypical australian man. very manly, always talking shit, not afraid to fight. usually named Bruce, drinks VB all day, calls everyone cvnts and poofters and seppos and such.


^^^  this is the kind of feels a true straya bloke does not feel. he better stop going down this road or he is gonna turn into a feminized european eunuch or mgtow who does not care about defending his woman. or a despairing lazy loser like us hahahaha.  DONT DO IT MAN!!!!!!!


he should not be drinking fosters tho, cuz real strayans do not drink fosters, but probably vb like the guy below. but this guy demonstrates a right ripper attitude. absolutely 0 fooks given and he is just having a grand old time doing it. ripper m8.

that kind of shit. this guy might be a little soft and clearly needs moar sun, but he’s got the right idea. encourage those glorious shitposting aussies. they will show you how to be a MAN.

anyway act like an australian man and you will get to make babies. pref not a fat slob australian either. i mean is it ok to be a BOGAN? i dunno. Gnereally i think its good for an american to be a redneck or hilbilly, because they are often race conscious proud whites. but white trash? what about a CHAV or a “Wigger” hahahaha. i mean they literally talk like ghetto blacks and do drugs all day. and wear tracksuits.

neets hahaha. im not a neet if i take one 3 credit class every semester hahaha.

confidence. that is it. that is the cure all. that will cure everything wrong with you. literally. confidence. if i can give you confidence I would be very happy. if i could give myself confidence i would be very happy. so how do you do it?

i think getting on a confident TRACK from a young age helps a lot. just get the confidence young and never lose it. Im not sure I ever really HAD it!!!!!!!!!

i wasnt always this bad though. but i was never super confident for a long period of time. BUt I was generally a little more confident. but I should have been doing things to make that grow. and i wasnt really. I thought being a Bad Boy Rebel by drinking and smoking MJ and trying to play metal music was my best way to build confidence. it really wasnt! Maybe playing a concert would have done it, that was always my dream there, to be in In A Band and Play A Show like my friends did…..but I never achieved that goal. it actually takes a lot of work. you have to get a job, save up a ton of money and buy expensive equipment and practice regualrly and come up with songs and stuff. i said horry sheet thats too much WORK. also I was VERY frustrated because I had a permanent writers block: I could never write songs. I was always pressuring myself to write songs and I just could not do it. i was jealous of all these other people who just wrote songs. of course they were shitty metal songs of the late 90s. god damn what a pathetic scene. at least kids these days are ripping off kvlt black metal. back then they were ripping off pantera and machine head and i dunno, soulfly or some shit. those were REALLY dark days hahaha. like some peopel didnt even BOTHER getting into death metal. jeeeez. you can always rip off cannibal corpse or deicide!!!!! in this way we were more like the previous generation (gen x) than the current generation (millennials.)

so i was like shit i’m doing to well in school to blow off school totally and get a job and spend thousands of dollars on amps and guitars and shit. and a car. plus I cant WRITE shit, and I’m not really very GOOD. so that was some low confidence there. But I enjoyed smoking MJ, drinking, and playing covers of other people’s songs, borrowing other people’s equipment. but I was never really In The Band.

Once in a great while I worked on a Solo Project song. That was pretty good for my confidence actually. I would get to work and slave over those like once every 4 or 5 years hahaha. that is the rate at which I write music. takes 5 years to write ONE SONG.

Actually that was pretty good for my confidence though. I was experimenting with Home Recording on muh computer and slowly got better at it. but it was still very, very hard and frustrrating to write full songs. I could write ok parts of songs, just whole songs were very hard.

did I have the wrong friends or something? one of my friends was a bit of a dominating type at the time and always wanted to be The Boss. maybe that undermined my confidence a bit, but I know he didn’t mean it, and he got better as he became more mature. But I shouldn’t have been caring so much about his approval. but that is kinda natural to want the approval of your friends. anyway he was and is a good guy, but I did play almost a subordinate role there. Sidekick hahaha. I thought he was cooler than he thought I was cool. hehehehe. well later it turned out he thought I was pretty cool, I think he was just one of those classic tough guys.

It was pretty good, I am fan of the University of Texas and I know you all do great work, and I appreciate the clear instructions given here. However the Yahoo Shopping page did not load as intended. I suppose I could very easily search for….. OK, take a look at this if you please:
I looked up “garmin nuvi 350 gps receiver” myself in the Yahoo shopping search box, and got a pretty disappointing list of results: about 7000 items, and this model of Garmin Nuvi is nowhere to be found.
This official Garmin page for this model implies that this model has been discontinued. However I’m getting that only from the word “discontinued” in this URL, nothing on the this page clearly states that it’s discontinued.
however, this very similar page (but note the GB (Great Britain?) in the URL) does more clearly state it’s been discontinued.
Had to Google “is the garmin nuvi 350 discontinued” to find that one.
I am very happy to provide very detailed feedback to this and any other studies. Please contact me through mTurk if interested.
I used to work with a lot of “unknown unknowns” and would get frustrated when looking for answers to a seemingly simple question would just bring up more questions, and it was hard trying to get a straight yes or no answer to a legitimate question. At this point however, I would be pretty comfortable saying that this particular Garmin model is indeed discontinued.
But I’m not sure the average person pays as close attention to URLs as I do!

oh SNAP i am gonna get such a BONUS for that one!!

some of the good guy researchers do give bonus and i will suck them off all day for those big researchbux. federal grant money. shrimponatreadmill.gif

hehehe pasting the imgur links will put the image right in the post. not sure if imgur ever deletes images. didnt realize imgur did gifs.  i guess now they do.

is that what shrimps really look like? and I thought they looked gross when cooked and prepared for eating. no wonder i do not like them hahahaha. i mean that just looks like some zimmern shit. how can normal people EAT that?

did ridiculous astronomy related survey for one fookin dolla. it was long and tedious but it was better than answering phones hahahaha. but much less money making. but i really dont give a shit about stars or galaxies. i wish i did!

may 31

ok big interview tomorrow. got to prepare for that.

god almighty NOW I am starting to get pissed. I had ANOTHER dream with HER in it. this is like several days in a ROW. this is more days than NOT. and this dream was the worst because in it, we were supposedly Dating or had established a Real Rel where were touched each other and had secs and made out and such. that was great, but the downside is that she was being REALLY flaky and unreliable. hot and cold. cuddling with me one moment, angry and dumping me the next moment. I just wanted to hold on to her and not be dumped but she was impossible to keep happy. so there was the power angle of I was begging and she was holding everything over my head. when obviously the MAN needs to put his FOOT DOWN and say Cut The Bullshit Baby. Imma fook you till you cant walk straight and then you get in that kitchen and make me a huge ass dinner. a sammich isnt gonna cut it this time. aaaannnd a spanking too wouldnt hurt. because DAMN you are MISBEHAVIN.

and in real life she was never that flaky and unreliable! thats what I liked about her! she wasnt even flaky with the men in her life! she was loyal to them and made an effort and didnt make them jump through hoops!

Of course I’ve known women where you can be “dating” them but they are still flaky as fook. and that’s what SHE was acting like in this dream. not good for the confidence. cuz you can feel the woman leaving you. train wreck in semi slow motion. then your confidence wanes, she leaves you, your confidence crashes, and your world is destroyed hahahaha.

but yeah any dream where I am officially dating her and cuddling her is gonna be difficult.

oh well. not gonna ruin my day though. i did have to mention it though. because this is just ridiculous. i am having more dreams about her than I EVER did. mother fooking 288 days since i last emailed her. 322 days since I last talked to her and the shit went down. and now I am getting a burst of dreams.

i mean I just want to ERASE her from my memory altogether. shit like this does not help.

I was triggered by the comments to this image and the accompanying post, basically an anti-millenial thing saying these people are autistic, dont tuck their shirt in, put emojis on their resume and cant spell, dont look you in the eye, have no people skills, dont know how to talk to people, and cant give you a good reason why they want the job, etc. a lot of people in the comments were triggered too.

because i am a bit awkward in the interviews but I do have decent people skills. kind of. i mean they are at least average and not “completely unemployable.” but maybe average IS completely unemployable.

somewhat said, what you lack in skills you must make up for in CHARISMA. hahahaha. good thing I have neither. yeah well neither does SHE, she doesnt DESERVE to make 15 bucks an hour.

heh. what if those places that I am wanting to TURN DOWN simply dont ever call me and I dont ahve to turn them down? that would be kinda dissapointing. when you do ok on an interview and STILL dont get a call back.

cuz I probably do unemployable shit like mentioned in that post hahaha.

if you have more than 3 jobs in 5 years, you aint getting a call from me! hahahahahaha

that equals 1.67 years you must stay in every job. i guess 1 year isnt good enough hahahaha.

i wonder if places pay 15 bucks an hour just because they are SO SHITTY thats the only way they can convince people to not quit immediately!

shit like this almost makes me want to join the LABOR MOVEMENT because they really do stand up for workers against Evil Employers hahahaha BUT…..they are also more marxist than your average marxist! pure tranny loving communists, antiwhite, pro-abortion, pro-slut, all the worst shit ever.

putting the A in NSDAP hahahahahahahaha

at least I THOUGHT the A stood for Arbeit hahahaha. that is what I am getting at here. Arbeit. NSDAP. Ol Uncle Al. Did nothing wrong. 14 words.

I wonder if That Woman was ever Sexually Abused or Molested when she was a child. It would actually make a lot of sense, well apart from she never became a huge slut, but she did seem like a frightened child in many ways. And while her mother was not good at finding a reliable man, I DONT think the mother was so stupid that she would choose men who would molest her daughter.  but thats women though. they dont THINK. they dont THINK this secsy badboi might molest their children. they dont THINK this secsy badboi is gonna knock them up and run off.

so, just assume one of her mothers boifrans molested her as a child and that is why she runs away like a frightened child. you just have to feel PITY for that.

how many men REALLY molest children though? I would never molest a child! how could you BE so depraved? yet it turns out 1 out of 2 women have been molested or raped. hehehehe. no the feminist places say 1 out of 4, but thats probably a little high. so lets say 1 out of 5. 20% of women have been molested probably by….10% of men or less. therefore, only 20% of women are psycho ruined, and only 10% of men are incomprehensible evil monsters that should definitely be ovened immediately.

also, whenever I start thinking about HER, just STOP and replace HER with thoughts of this other woman I know that I mentioned above. I am not in luv with this woman, but she is a positive, decent woman in every way. VERY low number, quite moral, never cheated, never been a whore, never hurt a fly, and will be a great wife and mother. just think of her. she can be my new role model of NAWALT.

I have kind of a bad attitude towards HR and executive management in companies. I don’t think HR should be putting together teams, I think this should be done by project managers or other team leads. I generally feel managers and HR are out of touch with what their employees do, and that most new policies are poorly-thought-out approaches to cut costs in very unrealistic ways. I think HR departments are generally a waste of money, and that managers need to truly listen to their employees, not micromanage, and be serious about retaining skilled employees for the long-term.

for business school study.


and if she WASNT molested…..then she should REALLY know better hahahhaaha.

well you cant hate someone who was molested as a child. you just feel sorry for them and know theres nothing you can do about it, and leave them to their sad lives. and be glad you dont have to live with them and they are dragging you down with them hahahahaha. all because of the evil sins of one badboi many years ago.

You can’t just Show Up To Work. You need to ATTACK your work with a real active gung-ho attitude.

hahahahaha. gonna use that one in my interview.

Please describe in detail the one situation that makes you, or has made you, extremely fearful or afraid.

Please try to vividly imagine the experience, and write your description so that someone reading it might get scared just from reading this.
Nothing life or death, just a matter of decision making anxiety. I can’t see making it scary like Stephen King. But I had a very complex, complicated, confusing job where I would take telephone calls all day from people with technical/computer issues. They all had problems and it was my job to fix these problems. What frightened me was that I felt woefully undertrained and that I was drowning, because they would be describing things that I did not understand. I always thought, I have no idea what’s going on here, and it’s my JOB to FIX it? I don’t even know what this process looks like when it’s not broken! I have no sense of judgment or perspective here! I don’t know what’s right or wrong. I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know what to tell them. Yet it’s my job to try to fix this, and also communicate an image of myself as a competent, confident expert. You never know what the next call will bring. It might be easy and straightforward, but it might be the weirdest thing you have ever heard. It was kind of like taking an exam filled with tough trick questions, all day every day, and having to explain your answers to an anxious person, when you had not taken a course preparing you for the test, and the only help you got was through a chat room. Many times I thought “Can’t somebody else take this? I have no idea what I’m doing, and I sound like an idiot. I know I’m not an idiot, but I just don’t feel ready to do this.”
It was frustrating and nerve-wracking more than scary or fearful, but I always had a “knot of dread” in my stomach as I waited for my day of phone calls to begin, and could not relax when I got home, thinking about the things that didn’t make sense, and what kind of strange, nonsensical things would happen tomorrow, and how I would deal with them. Would one day I even “snap” and run out of the room crying like a baby? I kind of felt like Private Pyle in “Full Metal Jacket.” Just pushed to your limit and not knowing if one day you were going to snap.
Well I did not snap, thankfully. I gradually became more confident and competent. But then I guess I eventually did snap! There were new things to learn constantly, so you could never get TOO confident or familiar. And we were constantly pushed to do more with less, more new things being added to out plates.
I faced a crisis in my personal life which turned into a crisis at the job. I felt I could not do my job and that my mind was falling apart. I completely distrusted in my sense of judgment to make a decision. I lost confidence in myself as a competent, smart person able to make good decisions.


but yeah. having dreams about her every night, is almost like actually seeing her again. and also the dreams i have present a totally unreal version of her. TOTALLY in my mind. so how am i supposed to stop thinking about her, if i constantly have DREAMS about her?

well i am sure the dreams will slowly taper off. shit. i didnt ALWAYS have so many dreams about her.

yep. just assume she was molested as a child, feel sorry for her, and replace her with thoughts of this other woman. the nice decent nonslut woman i am not attracted to.

I wonder if you could write Fraudulent Letters of Recommendation from people you used to work with, who got along with you, but you never got an OFFICIAL letter of recommendation from them. It’s PROBABLY better just to ASK them though. if you are really desperate though, its worth a try. shit if its been a long time and theyve written a lot of letters and they generally like you, they might not even remember if they ever wrote you a letter or not.

I SUPPORT MY TEAM by buying them donuts, bagels, coffee regularly to show my appreciation and comraderie. If there is ever an empty coffee pot I make more coffee even if I don’t want any.

hahahah. well this is partially true. I was very good at making coffee. I would be the first one there, and make 2 pots of coffee (there were 2 coffee makers because a lot of people drank a lot of coffee. except for the dbags that were too good for folgers so they went and spent money on tim hortons hahahaha.)

ok printed my bullshit out. 2 rec letters, 1 list of references, 1p res, and my 3-4 pages of notes.

i should really go to a place like MARSHALLS or TJ MAXX or BURLINGTON or NORDSTROM RACK to try to find a cheaper dark blue goat. i mean coat.

I also like the idea of a lighter gray suit just to mix things up. have a dark suit, dark gray or dark blue, and then a light suit. light gray.

have a dark blue suit and also a light gray suit. BOOM. 12 dollar an hour job 4U.

red tie and a blue tie. no fancy patterns.

white shirt and a blue shirt. no stripes, no patterns.

i wonder if wearing CUFFLINKS would be a plus. probably. it shows you are way too classy to use cuff buttons like a PLEB. like BOGAN WHITE TRASH.

not wearing cuff links is as bad as not tucking your shirt in!

maybe you should wear some kind of 1488 cufflinks hahahaha. little nazi deaths heads hahahaha. NSDAP.

National Socialist German Workers‘ Party (German: About this sound Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei (help·info), abbreviated NSDAP), commonly referred to in English as the best party ever which should come to fascistic power in the USA under The Don Drumpfenfuhrer hahahahaha…..

see, they were ALL ABOUT the WORKING MAN.

IMHO only with Racialist Nationalism can you make the very few good aspects of Socialism and Workers Rights really work in a good way.

In other words, the only good kind of socialism is national socialism.

the only good kind of worker’s party is a national socialist worker’s party hahahahahahahaha.

workers’ i mean. s’.

but yeah. i want to erase that woman from my mind permanently. i dont want to see her in dreams. i dont want to ever think of her again. she did a lot of good in my life and i truly luved her……but she was a net negative. more bad than good. it was not WORTH meeting her, even counting the too-simple “lessons” I learned. it was just pointless, meaningless pain to suffer through and not grow from. i wish i never met her. then i would never think or dream of her. her face and body would not exist in my mind at all. the memory of her as a real person. real person, real PAIN.

and then this person is off sucking dicks like a whore. or not. it doesnt matter. but it does matter to you.

ayo hol up. i dont think you get how well we got along together. i do not get along this well with people. let alone qt, young, nonslut, totally marriageable WOMEN. it seemed like a real gift from god. like theres someone for everyone. i finally thought i had met The One, after a lot of disappointments. but it was just another disappointment. the biggest disappointment of ALL!

also i didnt like in the dream that i guess we were Dating, which would have been technically GREAT, but the only thing I saw in the dream was the bad times. no cuddling or niceness. just fighting and distance and im gonna leave you, you disgust me.

What do you think reduced/limited your ability to come up with more and more original ideas?
I think I came up with at least an average number of ideas. At my best, I am probably very creative, but I also go through periods of very low confidence and high anxiety. This definitely affects my cognitive and emotional functioning and make me generally less creative. Also I can get easily overwhelmed with complexity at work, where I get so confused, that I prefer simple solutions, rather to difficult problems that need to get solved quickly. If I am going to be creative, it has to be in a relaxed environment. I cannot be that creative under pressure. I do not work well under pressure.

Do you have any final comments for us related to this study?
I did not feel pressured here, so I could be fairly creative. At my job I am under so much pressure to think of solutions, that sometimes I lose confidence and begin to believe that I am not that creative at all, and that I don’t like thinking about complex topics. I do…but I just do not perform well under heavy pressure.

I did not like that about muh job. I technically AM a smart and creative guy, but I don’t like being put under constant pressure to think of solutions. then I just want to stupefy my mind, and I convince myself that I am just a dummy who is not and smart and creative as he thought he was. Just want to turn off my mind and stop thinking. Not think about things. Thinking Sucks. I want to turn my mind into mush with MJ hahahaha. creativity is for f4ggots.

but ideally, really, I am kind of a creative thoughtful guy.

but everything in the work world is done under extreme, constant pressure. something or someone is always on your ass to do better. It’s not like a class where hey I got 88%, this is pretty good! it’s like why didn’t you get 100% you incompetent moron! it’s like the high expectations asian father .jpg

its not a hugbox like skool were 90% woohoo you are way above average. its like why arent you getting 100% every single time. you fooked it up, ya fookup. no wonder people are fooking PERFECTIONISTS. because their managers and their customers are BITCHING at them when they get 1% off. being like we can fire you for any reason. first 90 days. we got plenty of people who want your job, making 15 bucks an hour. we can find another guy who doesnt fook this up.

like I say this job Im interviewing for tomorrow pays like 18 bucks an hour and is essentially a level 2 clerk. meaning I might not be the first one answering the phones…..but I will be the one the level 1’s ask for HELP. when I have no fooking CLUE what is going on. Which I guess is better than answering the phone. so my response is, let me figure that out. you can escalate that to me and I will call them back within 72 hours hahahaha. let me put on my attorney hat and tell you why we’re rejecting your application for a license. because city code bla bla states bla bla. sorry nothing we can do. i dont have a manager. i am the city mayor hahahaha.

nope albanians and arabs not welcome here. see this Huge Hakenkreuz on my chest? that means NOT WELCOME.

oh sorry mayor I was just exercising autonomy, I don’t require constant supervision, so I made an independent decision. come on, you know you don’t like those people either hahahaha lemme buy you a beer and we can talk about how much we hate nonwhites hahahaha. and then you can promote me.

heh. you gotta have STORIES of when you were INTERACTING with people. and how you successfully communicated with them and fixed shit like a boss.

resolving conflict. dealing with difficult people. this is the most important skill. and figuring out difficult situations under pressure.

i mean this job I would LOVE to get. I would even take 60% of the time on the phone. if this job were answering phones about water bills, I would take it because it is close and it is great pay.

if it were doing post office work, i would definitely take it because it would be the equivalent of a career job with regular schedule and weekends off. 9 to 5 mon thru fri. you dont get that at the post office at all. you dont get that at most jobs!

i couldnt really lowball them on wage because its a union job tho. like ILL DO THIS JOB FOR 15 BUCKS AN HOUR! SEE I ALREADY SAVED YOU 6000 DOLLARS A YEAR!

but yeah i hate having dreams about her. I wish I could just remember how she REALLY WAS. the dreams dont do that. also her running away like a scared child doesnt do that. that really wasnt who she was. but people act out of character and disappoint you when they are AFRAID. the opposite of luv is not hate, its fear hahahahahahaha.

so yeah i forgive her, i dont hate her, i can even UNDERSTAND this, it actually does make sense. she got scared and she ran away. period. its very simple. but its still very disappointing, and its a very sad, disappointing, bad way to remember her. So I don’t want to remember her at all.

hahahahahaha fook roosh that degenerate, but its interesting how he is flirting with the nondgenerate lifestyle now. the comments are better than the article. the author sounds like kind of a cheapskate dickhead hahaha.



aw sheet. welp. go to shrink today. still obsessed with the damn woman. last night i grabbed the rosary again and waved it around my head, saying “PLEASE LORD ERASE HER FROM MY MEMORY”. cuz this is just ridiculous.

try to get muh 8.4 miles in today. or is it 8.6. 2.8 times 3 is….8.4 ok.

so i was not blameless, but what she did was at least two times worse than what i did. therefore, Culpability is split 66 33. doesnt look good for her.

she is basically the one that screwed it up. sabotaged it. i BEGGED her to meet me halfway and please try to not necessarily fix this, but dont hurt me so much. she staunchly refused. because its easier to do nothing than to even try to mitigate some of that hurt. so thats how much she cares for me, just lets me drown!

its just sad and painful that Modern Women let men stick their dicks in them and the women have no feelings for the men. not on my watch! i mean i dont blame the men. this is men’s nature. the men are not going against their nature. but i think the women ARE going against THEIR nature!

this WHOLE situation is just unbelievably retarded. my life has been turned upside down.

ok so she didnt do a 180 because she was already 90% checked out, so she just did the remaining 10%. it wasnt 100% all at once.

well it didnt feel like that to me! I didnt KNOW she was THAT much checked out! i didnt think she was possibly more than 50% checked out!!!! so thats why it felt like a 180 to me!

also, 180 or 10 or whatever, REGARDLESS of how she felt about me, I thought she was a BETTER PERSON than that. I thought I KNEW HER better. I can Know Her regardless of whether i know How Much she’s Checked Out on Me. I thought I KNew her, i thought she was a decent person who would never treat ANYBODY like this.

well i dont think she would treat just anybody like this. just me. or just guys in unrequited luv with her.

i think that is prob most likely. this is just how she treats guys who like her but who she doesnt like.

which, suprisingly, doesnt happen TERRIBLY often with her, compared to Average Young Women, who have 9000000000 Beta/Omega Orbiters in luv with them at any given moment!

sometimes the women just dont do anythign and just LET the guys be in luv with them. I imagine those guys probably eventually snap too.

but yeah it is like i was stabbed in the heart!

weird. i can do a LITTLE bit more and some of my most Overt Symptoms are improving, but i am still as Heartbroken as Forever, my heart is still not at rock bottom yet!

sooooo fooking retarded and stupid and i cant believe any of this shit even happened. still sort of in shock.

i sort of DO hope this eats her up and makes her feel horribly guilty!!!!! she SHOULD!!!! this is a horrible thing to do to a person!

well she will express her guilt and shame by fooking all sorts of guys she has no feelings for hahahaha. why not me hahahaha. i would have enjoyed 2 seconds of cuddling. or making out would have been very special to me. now she will let swarthy scumbags Aggressively ram their cox down her throat as she slobbers all over their cox. fooking disgusting and horrifying.

are u foking kidding! of COURSE i want her to “come to her senses” and say im sorry lets talk about this. but that is not gonna happen. and me contacting her is not gonna MAKE it happen, in fact it will make me look even more like a creepy bad guy. no thank you.

even though SHE is more the bad guy than me (66 33), she can still convince everyone she knows that I was the bad guy, because shes the woman and im the man. and the INSTANT i make her “feel uncomfortable” then she can treat me HORRIBLY because at that point ive crossed the line.

honestly though i can think of several sensible people she talks to, about 3 or 4 of them, and i would think that if she told them the full honest story, theyd tell her, dont you think youre being a little harsh to him, you should at least talk to him. so i think shes either not saying anything to them (oh were fine, were still friends, nothing happened) or she is twisting the truth (“he made me feel uncomfortable, so he is the bad guy and deserves no mercy whatsoever”)

(“FAT SHAMING IS A THING” shut the fook up fat bitch hahahaha go powerwalkjog 8 miles a day.)

i made her feel uncomfortable but NOT UNSAFE. there is a big difference.

when you have Issues in your relationship, it SHOULD be uncomfortable.


thats why i wanted to talk about it. not to FIX it because it couldnt be fixed, but to be BE HONEST and RESPECTFUL and MATURE and have good KARMA and good COMMUNICATION and be RESPONSIBLE and DEAL WITH shit rather than AVOIDING and IGNORING shit.

come on.

maybe the mature acceptable thing is, when a friend gets feelings, youre just SUPPOSED to not talk to them ever again, and the idea of talking about the feelings, talking about the state of the relationship, is patently ridiculous, and no normal mature healthy adult would ever do this. maybe the right normal thing to do is to just ignore and avoid and not deal with it, but just throw it away like shit.

i cant believe that. because i am in so much pain and feel so slighted. i didnt want to “make her luv me.” i just wanted to TALK to her. and i am hurting a lot and she is hurting not nearly as much, and i think talking about it would have signif reduced my hurt, tho not eliminated it, but at least reduced it by 50%! and that would be great!

all she would have to do is talk abotu it. and by talk i mean responding to any of my 4 emails would have been respectable.

98 later

ok went the shrink.

what did we get out of it. shrink urged to accept that its over and try to move on. it will be painful and may take months and months and months. i said i know i shouldnt contact her and i probably wouldnt, but its still a daily struggle, and still i am tempted to.

shrink said she probably would not respond and i have to live with that, and probably should not contact.

i said well maybe i did deserve this because i made her feel uncomfortable, and men should never do that to women.

shrink said well communication is the key to a healthy relationship.

there was the issue of the woman kinda sorta implied that i was annoying her once back in like february. so i should have listened and stopped bugging her. and i think i did “behave” for a little while, for a few weeks.

but that was still just fooking avoidance. now i was the bad guy for wanting to communicate about an obvious problem.


when the woman expresses annoyance at your efforts to communicate…………..

………….but you actually still have not communicated about the issue yet.

what the fook.

so shrink encouraged to do some positive self affirmations, look at self in the mirror and say i am a good worthwhile person, i am getting better day by day, i deserve love and kindness, i am getting over this, it is painful but i will get over it someday, today i am gonna choose to make it a good day, when i think of her, i will choose not to obsess about it, and treat myself with gentle loving kindness. i did not deserve to be treated that way. its over and i will get over it and move on.

i said well maybe i DO DESERVE it because i was being NEEDY and CLINGY and made her UNCOMFORTABLE.

but in my heart of hearts, do i really think i DESERVED this? of course not!

i wasnt pushing her to Be In Luv with me, i was pushing her to talk about our god damn problems and she kept avoiding it!

shrink said, interesting, to notice what we had problems commuincating about, and i could learn a lesson from that.

i said i agree 100%, interesting you mention that, becuase even while things were still “GOOD” a year ago, and we communicated pretty good, there were Things We Never Mentioned. Both I and She were too scared to mention them directly: like her new boifran. she wasnt gonna bring it up, and i wasnt gonna bring it up. i was too scared to bring it up and she SURE AS HELL wasnt gonna bring it up.

i should have just asked directly about her new boifran.

and then said, “WOW, IM SURPRISED. I didnt think youd be dating somebody SO SOON. lets TALK ABOUT THAT.”

and that would have made us comfortable with communication about Her Romantic Life, and would have ABSOLUTELY opened the door to me talking about my feelings about her.

“how do you feel about me? could you ever date a guy like me? have you ever developed feelings for a friend? do you think we could ever go out someday? we get along real well and we trust each other and i wonder if we should try that. especially if this guys a jerk and cheats on you.”

we could have had discussions like that, early on, and shit would have never built up the way it did.

so, those topics you dance around can end up having a fookin ripple effect a year later.

like youre afraid to talk about her boifrans directly…………then you will also have trouble facing the elephant in the room when YOU have feelings for her and want to be her boifran!

lesson learned: dont be afraid to commuincate with your female frend directly and EARLY about her Secsy Relationshits. USE THAT to open the door to talk about You And Her. even if you dont have feelings for her YET.

say, “I dont have feelings for you………YET.”

just be fooking honest!!!!!!! no need to make up stories!!!!!!!!!

say, “i dont have feelings for you……….yet. but in the past i have developed feelings for my female friend after 2 years of planktonic frenship. also, sometimes i think its weird that i dont have feelings for you, BECAUSE: we get along really well; we commuincate well; we respect each other; we like each other; i am a tender sentimental cuddly guy who could theoretically provide the Affection you like; also you are not hard on the eyes! even if im not in luv withyou and dont jerk off thinking about you………..yet, i can appreciate you are a good looking woman. so yeah, given all this, 50% chance i could develop feelings for you within 3 months, and i think we should revisit this conversation regularly, and we should both think about that regularly. rather than you secretly dating scumbag shady sleazy guys who treat you bad. i would treat you a lot better.”

BAM. perfect conversation. say that as SOON as she Breaks Up with her Long Term Boifran. at the latest, as SOON as you even THINK she is dating someone new.

talk about the elephant. talk about her relationships. shit talk about YOUR relationships! talk about yours and hers relationship!

the pick up artists say dont “just be yourself”, becuase bitches dont like your beta pussy unmasculine self.

i say just be your damn self but dont let yourself be walked on and crapped on, be assertive, and be honest.

i remember one day at the job complaining to my male friend, who gave me way better moral AND technical support than my female former friend, and i said god damn this is crazy, this chaos and confusion, i hate not knowing what to say to these people becuase i dont really know whats going on, and having to come up with some bullshit story so it sounds like i know what im doing, but i dont, ive never seen this before……….

and he said, well why dont you just be honest and tell them the truth, tell them, “I DONT KNOW.”

I smiled at him and said thats why i like you so much bruh, because you keep it THAT real. i wish i COULD do that. i would like to be more like you and be able to say that with no shame. because why the fook should we know EVERYTHING. our leaders dont know a damn thing. nobody knows anything. ask 10 leaders, get 10 different answers. yet they refuse to talk to people, they make US talk to people and put us between a rock and a hard place. and i would be so happy to just cut out the bullshit and say, I DONT KNOW.

but i was TOO INSECURE to do that. my male friend was/is much more secure. but me and him connected instantly and he also didnt mind that i was hella insecure, WELL, i dont go telling it from the mountain either! IMMMM INSECUREEEEEE fook that i dont do that, i know better.

shrink also recommended listening to something positive like dr wayne dyer, who just died recently. oh i didnt know that, i said, thats too bad. i have appreciated most of his stuff ive seen.

cuz i listen to MRA right wing MGTOW antimarxist stuff, and pro-marxists like to accuse us of being HATEFUL HATERS spewing POISON, and SOME of the MGTOW types are borderline woman haters. but not all. i really only listen to two guys, millennial woes and bernard chapin. i might be identifying myself here.

so i thought, well “woesy” i dont think is hateful, and i dont think UNCLE BERN is hateful, but The Bern’s enemies say he is a hateful woman hater.

I do wish Uncle Bern would find himself a nice woman someday, because he would be a great Father I think, and I would like to see him have 3 kids.

anyway i dont know if he’s “given up” on women or not. he seems to be very happy without them. i have not reached that point yet. i will always desire a Loving Intimate Longterm Monogamous Relationship with a Woman. (I have to specify all those things hahahaah)

that is a pretty serious thing which i dont take lightly, so its not often i find a woman I WANT to have that kidn of serious rel with.


when some b dumps you for being too needy, tell her


really the point she is TRYING to make, but is too DIM to ARTICULATE it, is that she doesnt want you to Need Luv with HER. youve got to force them to Empathize by starting from a Narcissistic Start Point:

“Put yourself in my shoes, baby. Think of yourself. think of time when you NEEDED that big badboy brute, but he didnt need you back. how did that make you feeeeeeeeeel? well thats what youre doing to me. so if im too needy, YOURE TOO NEEDY TOO, YOU FOOKING CHILD. DONT BE FACILE.”

Real “Neediness” is more like “CODEPENDENCY” where you cant LIVE without the person and are texting them HUNDREDS of times a day, see them EVERY day, have to talk to them on the phone every day for 2 hours before bed.

jeez. i wish i could have talked to her for just ONE HOUR, ONCE. that would have been all i needed to tell her all i wanted to tell her.

ok i did not deserve this because

  1. i was not a random stranger
  2. i knew her for over 2 years
  3. we used to be friends and had a good strong history
  4. i was not abusing her
  5. i migth have been making her feel uncomfrotable but i was not making her feel UNSAFE
  6. i was feeling uncomfortable too, because there was a HUGE ELEPHANT in the room that she avoided talking about at EVERY opportunity and REFUSED to talk to me about whenever I tried to talk about it
  7. i wasnt ABUSING her, even emotional abuse
  8. i wasnt trying to make her Luv me, i just wanted to Talk About Our Relationship.

so yeah its very important that i convince myself i did not deserve this.

oh hey one of my favorite Active Metal Bands has a brand new album out, now that is a good day. better than some broad who treats you with no respect.

it doesnt matter if it was unintentional. she has had MORE than enough time to come to her senses and god damn apologize and try to improve karma. she has not. that might well mean it IS intentional, and she has doubled down and thinks she is right. so fookin stupid. she was smarter than that. she can do better than that. she is a decent person. so stupid that the first time in her life she does something really shitty……………………….guess who is on the receiving end of it.

she honestly thinks i ABUSED her?

the stupid thing is, she’s honestly had guys treat her worse! like cheat on her! and take their luv away from her! and she desperately tried to communicate with them! yet she never responded when i tried to communicate with her! but she wasnt in luvvvvvv with me, thats the difference. well fook that. i knew she wasnt in luvvvvvv with me but i thought she respected me as a god damn human being. fooking abandoned me.

well won a shit load of money at the poker table today. last week i had my biggest loss day ever, today i had muh biggest win day ever. all in with AA and sucked two others in, stack went from like 3.70 to 10. holy shit. earlier in the day i had muh stack go from 4 to 5.

max buyin is 4, i always start with 4. that is like 4 quarters. one dollar. 1 chip is 1 mBTC wich is .001 BTC which is about 23 cents.

7 quarters. 23 cents. 1.61 of real money i won today hahahaha.

yeah did 3 2.8 milers, got muh 8.4 miles in today. had to. its the best way i can get thru day by day.

what does she want to FIX these guys? she could have FIXED me! theres plenty about me that needs to be fixed, and a decent longterm monog rel would have fixed it too! she would have seen some results of her fixing! but nooooooooo.

so just tell bitches with a smug smirk that you need to be FIXED, and then they will let you impregnate them within 5 minutes.



saturday, can barely move, not great. just utterly dead. benadryl last night, hopefully can sleep tonight, no weird shit. just feel like the life is over. i did great in high skool, i did ok in college but not good enough to start a career, not good enough to hold down a 15DAHJ. never did well enough to hold a Wimmin’s Interest.

in a transition phase now, which i guess is good. now it sorta feels like i never knew her, that she was almost just a dream or a memory who NEVER REALLY EXISTED. it is weird. especially cause i know she existed in my life for almost 3 damn years.

so she wants to treat me like i never existed. that kinda hurts. i am starting to get that feeling that she never existed to me. but she DID exist. and I DID exist for her! god damn i never had anything end this bad before. at least when bitches dumped me, i could hate them and be mad at them.

well i guess i can still do that here hahaha. your luv turns to hate.

but that process is painful too, and its not really so fun to hate either. i would rather that things were ended in a way without hate.

IMHO it should involve a penalty fee from the dumper to the dumped, minimum $1000. just so the dumper can put some skin in the game and feel a fraction of the pain the dumpee is feeling.

also it should involve at least 20 secs sessions, like when you know you have a prescription ending, and you cant get it refilled, and thus you make the last 30 pills last as long as possible.

and just as much, it should involve a series of long conversations. hours of conversations, in which each person can say everything they want to each other. you dont really need to hear the exact reasons you were dumped, like youre a loser, or youre not masculine enough, or youre not secsy enough, or she wants a real man, or youre not successful enough, and you smell bad, and you’re annoying, and unlovable, and the worst person ever, and she hates you, etc. you are a horrible undateable person who is a sociopath and horrible at relationships, you dont know how to commuincate, you are pushy, you are weird, you are a narcissist, you are the bad guy, its 100% your fault, etc.

that conversation might not be so productive.

thats why the Best Break Up says

  1. its not your fault, its mine; its not YOU, its ME; people have been saying this for thousands of years because its the best, most polite thing to say
  2. and emphasize that its OVER. it cant go on. we are never ever ever getting back together. im sorry but thats the truth. lets both move on. this is the definite, unambiguous end. im sorry, its not you its me, and it is 100% OVER forever. dont get any fantasies of false hope that i will change my mind and we will get back together someday.
  3. you are a good person and i respect you as a human being, but we cant go out. and thats on me not you.  this affirms their humanity. i am not rejecting you as a human being. you are a decent human being. but we just cannot date because its my fault. because i dont feel the way you do.

those are the main points. thats not a lot. it all fits on one screen. it wont take 8 hours of conversation. shit you can do that in 1 hour. 1 hour of conversation can prevent a lot of pain that would happen where there is NO communication. Ghosting, Ignoring, Avoiding.

oh sure it will still be painful but a Totes Ghosting is even MORE painful. just excruciating pain.

I watched this ridiculous movie “unbroken” about an american who got bretty unlucky in ww2. it was like Job with his ridiculous trials and trbiulations. went to the olympics and then he went to war. got plane shot, crash landed on island. they gave him new plane. that plane was shitty and crashed in the middle of the ocean. him and 2 other guys sat out there on a raft for at least 46 days or so. sharks swimming around, eating raw fish and sharks and drinking god knows what. rainwater. one guy just died. at least one plane flew by and did not see their flares. a second plane did, but it shot at them, shooting holes in their rubber rafts. they managed to patch up and reinflate the raft, prob saved their lives of the 2 remaining guys. then after like 50 days on the raft they get picked up by motherfookin tojos. japs hahahaha. they go to one pow camp for a while. then they go to another and are separated. he is chosen to be a model prisoner and live poshly in tokyo, in exchange for reading anti american things on the radio. he refuses because he likes fighting wars for zionists hahahahahaha. he returns to the camp, gets beaten regularly. but its prob better than being at sea. near the end of the war they go to a worse camp, more of a labor camp where they do shit with coal but did not go into any mines. but it still looked sucky. finally the war ended and he went home and eventually forgave his japanese captors.

anyway point is, he was facing some real hard times and his will could not be broken. this guy had way tuffer times than me! and he persisted.

anyway it was a cheesy movie and directed by that pig whore angelina jolie but it was moderately entertaining and sentimental in a good way, had a good message, never give up when the going gets tough. i like something like that right now.

i spent the day sitting around doing nothing, reading about the black metal groups xasthur, leviathan, nachtmystium, judas iscariot, striborg, krieg. it is kewl to hate nachtmystium because blake judd is a scumbag degenerate normalfag nonvirgin heroin addict.  i like xasthur because he seems like a REAL outsider, someone who has REALLY been to the abyss, and might be a virgin. i dont like musicians because women like them and they have degenerate secs and are nonvirgins and just big babies. also i am jealous of their ability to Channel Their Pain into Creative Art. what pain, they are banging young gurls and doing heron hahahaha.

so i like xasthur because he is always crabby and grumpy and unhappy and hateful and has a nice virgin vibe. now he does dark folk or some shit, but he has reclaimed the name xasthur and played his first show in his 15 year existence at a hippy pagan forest gathering. i thought that was pretty cool. i hope he had a good time and got laid. not a good place to find a wife though.

leviathan. i do like him, he is quite talented. but he seems kinda degenerate and i dont like tattoos. but he is a good musician, artist. and a few years ago i was very interested in his False Rape Accusation, where he was falsely accused of rape and abuse and beating by some bitch and then made an album about it, which i should listen to hahahaha. and then the PC police called him a misogynist because he was obsessed about a woman and wrote an album about her being a “whore”, and made references to the female genitalia being symbolic of a deadly trap.

i echoed a more reasonable commenter, who said that if some woman did what she did to him, calling her a traitor and a whore is pretty light. and hes not a woman hater because he’s not talking about ALL vaginas, just this one individual traitor whore.

however he comes across as a hateful brute who might do something like that to a woman. i mean he looks really scary and creepy, he looks like a woman beater hahahaha.

then he rebuilt his life and moved on and started a more healthy relationship and recently had a Baby and now him and his gurlfran and his his Babby are posting on INSTAGRAM all the time and everybody saying o how cute, the cute little baby with tattooed freaks for parents.

basically the type of people whose entire bodies are covered with weird tattoos, including “extreme” places like the face, the palm of the hand, the front of the neck.

and the PC police came back out because he appeared on a magazine cover holding his baby. and people called him a sell out. while othres say oh thats right just forget that he raped a woman. even though all the charges were dropped, well the heaviest rape charges, and he was found not guilty of the other ones. well he did get 2 years of probation for 1 charge. anyway point is, he didnt really rape the woman, and she was probably a crazy drug addict tattoo freak who had been in pornos and abandoned by her father and borderline psycho etc.

i dont like the whole “tattoo lifestyle” but i do appreciate his music, and i dont think he should be hated on for being a Proud Papa. and i hope he lives a healthy life and takes care of his Babby and that his Babbymama doesnt go cray on him like that other woman. just because they have a babby with you doesnt mean they wont! plus i dont trust these tattoo gurls. also i dont think tattoos are secsy at all. leviathan OBVIOUSLY disagrees! and that is his first amendment right, whcih i fulyl support.

But I would like to see xasthur meet a decent not cray woman and have a babby too hahahaha. he is more my style because he seems more anxious and socially awkward and could not get a woman and does not have tattoos. but this could all be fantasy on my part. i mean i am sure he has had secs with more gurls than me. but who knows about his relationship record. he might be like me and still trying to break the 3 month mark hahahahaha. i know that feel bro.

also i wonder how he makes money. whats his job. i know he is always selling and distributing t shirts and cds and records and tapes and shit but how can you make money on that.

on the other hand, i cant see him as a waiter or a Call Agent hahahahahaha.

maybe he’s one of those musicians who has a Successful STEM career like that one guy from converge who made a shitload of money in his biotech job. or the norwegian girl in that doom band at age 18,  is now a biotech PhD. all these musicians have PhDs and actually make money with them. way to be SUCCESSFUL FAG. today i learned that attila from mayhem etc has a degree in electrical engineering and i was a little disappointed because THAT is a smart successfag degree to get which will guarantee you a good job. well does he actually work in the field or is he just in 100000 bands. he also has 2 kids.

i dont care about the music anymore, just the musicians personal lives. and if i approve of their personal lives, then i might give their music a chance.

i also have no desire to listen to their music, just like music made by degenerate hedonists.

well i do like jazz and they are degenerates.

basically the main music i want to explore is classical, jazz, and super depressive black metal, and stuff from my past, and stuff related to my past that i didnt listen to then. or stuff where i have a sense of the person creating the music. which is why i prefer smaller bands or one person projects or where its obviously the vision of one person and they have Session Musicians.

or if they just had shitloads of integrity, or never do interviews or pictures or shows, or have right wing ideologies.

of COURSE i am a big fan of varg vikernes, his young wife, and his five children! although i dont really listen to his new music. and would at least prefer if he used Real INstruments rather than his keyboard, even though it still sounds pretty good. i want him to put his family first though. actually i would like to see him become a Public Politician too. HE has Good Traditional Family Values and is far from a degenerate!


aug 1

ive prob linked this before, millennial woes, the need for intimacy, which also has great comments.

now i am a huge anti-feminist who has identified with both mra and mgtow, but i also strongly desire intimacy with a Female Companion, and I do not want to ever give up hope completely, or become bitter, or swear off women, or swear off the idea of an Intimate Relationship with a woman, like some vocal mgtows seem to do.

i desired intimacy with the recent woman, quite a bit, that i was/am heartbroken to get it rejected.

i guess the Good News is that my heart is not completely closed off to this, because i could still feel feelings.

But I also wanted to toughen up and not be so sensitive. I mean i didn’t even have secs with the gurl! didnt even make out with her! so how the hell did i fall in luv so EASILY and Quickly?

but theres the thing: it def was NOT easily or quickly! totally NOT! It took about 2 years of knowing them, to get to this point.

and i think it was this 2 years of platonic friendship that ultimately made the resulting luv so strong, even if there was nothing physical. it felt like strong intimacy because i felt i knew her and felt i was close to her, even i had not filmed myself fooking her in perverted ways hahahahaha. i simply felt very close to her because we had a pretty good friendship, got along well, seemed like a decent connection.

i guess its fair that she does not share my feelings, but i am upset that our so called close friendship did not enable any kind of friendly discussion about the matter.  it was all ignoring, avoiding, and abandonment.

so women haters say thats women, all women are like that, and white knight pussies like me say not all women are like that.

i know shes not a horrible woman, well not yet anyway. she might be on her way to horribleness now though hahaha. and she starts her journey towards being a horrible person, by being horrible to me hahahaha.

well we are not supposed to BLAME anybody, we just accept it and say it wasnt meant to be, it just didnt work out, its no ones fault.  i mean its not technically her fault that she doesnt feel the same way.

anyway i just want to not become a bitter woman hater because of all muh rejections from women. i want to still be able to fall in luv again, BUT i also want to become tougher and less sensitive.

BUT its not like i’m falling in love with every woman i meet. it only happens once every couple years. and its not like i rushed into this thing with the recent woman. it all happened quite naturally. nothing was forced or rushed. unfort when my feelings switched on, the timing was extremely bad for her. i guess the timing was great for me, and bad for her. and ever since then its as if she read my mind and began pulling away, which was very painful, and culminated in its horrible climax recently.

is it because so far in my life, i’ve only focused on “pre-wall” women? hehehehehe maybe. i mean for me, pre-wall is kinda a necessary condition for luv to develop. i have never developed feelings for an Old Woman. but who knows, maybe i will in the future.

anyway i dont want to become one of those broken man woman haters which they accuse some mgtows of being. even though i do agree with much of mgtow: that marriage is a bad deal for men, and that cultural marxism has produced a generation of women that are horrible at relationships and bad news for men. but not all women!!! hahahaha.

but yeah this heartbreak is particularly devastating and i dont want it to break me. also its connected to a job loss so thats rough too. i mean i could probably go back to this job in a few months, but……i dont think id be able to handle seeing the woman again. on the job. unless we happily got together lol.

basically it was a total worst case scenario of a PLZ RESPOND situation. desparation for a response, for communication. i went cray cray over the lack of response. this is like the most omega autistic thing you can ever do, to quit your job and have your heartbroken because of PLZ RESPOND.

i guess i believed that strongly that i was entitled to some kind of response because of our “history.” this wasnt somebody that i knew only for a couple months.

oh god i know i used the exact words please respond!!!!!!!! foooooook me. but i still argue that when you know someone for a couple years, that they should respond to you rather than throwing you away like garbage hahahaha.

i wasnt always this week. even a few months ago i was much stronger. yet still lazy as hell, still angry, super angry, super lazy, super helpless, and still perturbed about this woman situation. but things are 900000000 times worse now. like i say. total rock bottom here.

i was never really a huge please respond sort of beta to her until recently.

but i quickly came to embody all the the sick please respond desperation.

i keep mentioning please respond because i just became aware of it as a minor meme; and i used those exact words; and deeply identify with that desperation; and realize this is not something normal people do. this is something extremely fooked up losers do. people that are permanently broken and may never be able to recover. that is what i am worried about it. that you survive but dont really recover. never really bounce back. just survive as a shell of your former self, which was not too impressive to begin with, but at least you were holding down a 15DAHJ (Dollar An Hour Job) hahahhahaha. and coming close to doing the bare minimum of life. and might have had a shot at luv to boot.

and now you are at total plz respond broken man rock bottom; and wonder if you had had more experience when you were younger, would you have handled this better? she was in a rel for 4 years and knows what its like to be in a long term rel with plenty of ups and downs, secs, luv, nights cuddling together, years with a person. yet i do not know any of that except in my fantasies, and have never been able to stay with a woman longer than like 2 or 3 months, never anything long term, cuz always get dumped during the short term. and that was 10 years ago when i could actually get gurls to make out with me for 2 months. now cant even do that lol. cuz i am old bald and fat and cant hold down a job and cant get a decent job lol.

hehehehe dont think this is helping lol.

but yeah i am angry and hurt and broken because i did feel honestly entitled to some sort of talk rather than just complete and total abandonment and cutting all ties without a word, feel sort of hosed, feel like i’ve been screwed and treated unfairly. hey i mean even an email would have been better than nothing. hence the please respond. please give me something. and i thought i at least meant something to this person as a friend. i mean they honestly used to like me somewhat, and would not have treated me like this in the past, before the gradual freeze out started. it is never easy when someone is close to you then they pull away because they dont want to be close to you any more.

cuz you have a history of things being good, before they go bad. its not like they were NEVER good.

i mean if i ever dumped a gurl, which i prob never will hahahahaha, i would try to make it easy on them, and also appreciate their pain, the pain i was causing them, and then myself try to act in such a way to give me as good karma as possible, and hurt them as little as possible, and to Facilitate the Healing Process for them. I would say i’m sorry 90000 times, and let them talk to me, and vent to me, and I would respond as honestly as i could, and even pay a dumping fee hahahahaha. i know how it hurts to be dumped or rejected and i would want to minimize the pain. i am not receiving that kind of compassionate rejection right now hahahaha. it is just the coldest worst thing, from a person i thought could never be capable of something so cold.  and mourning the almost 3 years that i have known them, when i first met them as a sweet young gurl, in a probably unhappy rel, and we got along instantly and easily, in a way that i rarely do with people, let alone young gurls.

at that time it was bad timing for me, i didnt have luv feelings for her until a few years later, when she was officially done with her rel. and probably that prompted me, helped changed things for me. but i wasnt’ going around like a little cuck beta for years saying please respond please date me. that didnt happen till 10 short months ago. hahahaha.

in the past week the idea of “cuckservative” became a semi mainstream meme and i think its great. on 4chan people have been calling each other cucks for years, really thats the most important thing to be mainstreamized imho, the idea of a CUCK, ie, a weak man who bends over and takes it up the ass and says give me more please, i deserve this, becuase i am such an unmanly weak omega male that i gladly get fooked, i would gladly give my women away to more masculine men; please, fook my gurlfran and wife and daughter, please, fook me in the ass.

being a cuck is shameful as fook, thats why its such a great insult. i think it applies to a lot more men than just “cuckservatives” but its a good point of entry because it accurately describes them.

this is perhaps related to donald trumps popularity as a masculine political outsider who does not say pc things, so he would be the least cucked, in other words, and make the establishment republicans look like pussies.

there are plenty of good articles out there you can read on this interesting new meme. but IMHO its just fun to see the idea of CUCK out there, not necessarily cuckservative, but just the promotion of the idea that being a cuck SUCKS. and that men are going to Rise Up and stop enjoying being Cucked. Men will say Stop Cucking Me, B1tch! I deserve better! I will no longer Prep My Wife’s Bull!

there CAN be a racial aspect to cucks, usually wimpy white men and their attractive white women getting torn apart by Big Black Bulls; but IMHO Cuckoldry doesn’t REQUIRE this racial aspect, just that your woman is getting fooked (and loving it!) by a man more MASCULINE than you. its all about the alpha male stealing the beta male’s mate. you certainly can ADD racial aspects to it, and they go along with it quite naturally, but you dont HAVE to.

anyway please respond is something a total CUCK would say. and now the woman can go through a string of Much More Masculine Men. how did i think i ever had a chance. well probably because we were pretty close at one point, and at some points she gave hints of liking me. before i liked her though. then i never saw another hint as soon as i started liking her. you can see how this can eat a man up hahahahaha.


nov 30 saturday 3.09pm

heh in a reflective mood here. took a nice brisk powerwalk, listened to stefan molyneux, he insists in “finding your tribe” that most normalfags are “broken” and they don’t even know they’re broken, so when they see someone who’s not broken, their first reaction is to lash out at that person who is “dancing joyfully”, rather than getting angry at the society or whoever broke them in the first place.

well, he has a point, but I hate to think of myself as a Helpless Victim, but to be fair, he’s not saying THAT either, just that Normalfag Society is Toxic, which of course it is!

But he’s talking more about dysfunctional families, and a dysfunctional State and Gummint, etc.

Well, you know My Political Bias is towards The Right. And I think Stefan is an Anarchist Libertarian but not a leftist, so he’s ok with me.

anyway I was thinking. should you want to hang out with Successful Masters Degree Degree Sheeple, or with Loser Deadbeat Trash Sheeple. Probably the winner sheeple rather than the loser sheeple, hahahahaha. But I would rather just hang out with muh self, go to bed early.

i might not always agree with Stefan, but I do like how he always asks The Big Questions.

WARNING: as I do more research on Stefan, his shows, and his critics, I see there is a controversy where Some People say he is a Cultmaster who Wants To Destroy Families, by always making people think they were abused by their families, and should thus separate from their families, because your family MUST be abusive and dysfunctional and you just don’t realize it yet.  And maybe he’s manipulative to his vulnerable young listeners. and always steers people to believe that their families abused them. and it is true that he himself separated from HIS family, and that he “convinced” his wife to separate from her family as well.

So yeah these are valid reservations I have against Stefan, heh heh. I like his ideas about Loving Virtuous People, but I don’t like how he thinks Everything Is Abuse.

Anyway, just to give credibility to myself, to all those who think I’m a HUge Sexist Woman-Hater. While it’s true I very little respect for women, I don’t LIKE women much, I might be incapable of having a Loving Love Lovey Relationship with a woman, and also incapable of attracting a woman Sexually, I am NOT A “Woman Hater” because I DO get along on a Platonic Friendly Basis with some Women. ATM one of my Favourite People is actually A Woman, and we get along Famously in a Social Setting. Such a Nice Person, I wish more PEOPLE were nice like that, I really like Super Nice people. (On the average, most Women I meet aren’t that Nice, and Men have been, on the average, Nicer than Women, in my experience.)

I wasn’t used to Women being That Nice to me, so I thought she might secretly like me at first, but I really don’t think she does, she is just a Nice Person. There was a little bit of awkwardness at that time, because I thought “O GOD, what if she’s in luv with me, because I’m not in luv with her!” And it was ALSO weird that I wasn’t in Luv with her: because she is younger, and very nice and virtuous, and not ugly. However that Physical Spark that is always there In Luv is just not there, Unfortunately.

Kind of like how sometimes you sorta wish you were GAY, because you get along with men so much better than you get along with Women. But you’re just not gay.

Anyway that brief Awkward Phase is over. And I am thankful to know such a nice virtuous person and get along with them so well. For all you haters that think I’m some weird troll who has never Talked To A Woman before, who is incapable of making Friends with a Woman and treating them like Human Beings. Suck Muh D1ck, b1tches.

Anyway I will not invade her privacy any more! If I were 45 years old and rich and really needed to have some Kids right now, she would be the prime candidate for Mother Of Muh Children.

So there’s some Bona Fides for you. Like one of my Political Heroes, even though I believe Men and Women are biologically different, I do hold them to basically the same moral standards as Equal Human Beings, ie I don’t give Women a Pass for Being Women. Women are Just PEOPLE. So if a woman is acting a b1tch, I just say “SEE YA!” simple as that. the only way they possibly get a pass is if they’re 18 years old and bouncing on muh D. And THAT is much moreso the exception than the rule. Even THEN I wouldn’t let them get away with figurative murder.

Here’s another annoying thing about Women: I don’t know if it’s the Michelle Obama Hot Arms Media Hype or WHAT, but Women Need To Stop Showing Off Their ARMS. Many of the women who do show off their arms with sleeveless dresses or whatever, have big fat Thigh-Arms ANYWAY. AND, to add to the ridiculousness, aren’t Women always COLD all the time? wouldn’t you be a lot WARMER if you Weren’t Wearing A SLEEVELESS dress in a cold building in the middle of WINTER?

The ONLY time I wear a Sleeveless shirt is when it’s 90 degrees during the SUMMER and I WANT to get some sun on muh arms as I go for a powerwalk in the blazing heat. Which sounds real nice right now.

But these women are on TV, or going to WORK at their CAREERS! I will wear a Long Sleeve Shirt to Work during the Summer because many/most places have Air Conditioning Anyway.

Finally, you will NEVER see a Man wearing sleeveless shirts in the same settings as these women who do so.