WORSE THAN BEING ABORTED: STILL ALIVE TO SUFFER

july 7

had interview today, 5 people grilling me, 1 hour and 20 minute interview, 40k job tho damn.

then went on linked in and switched my settings to anonymous mode so i could look at people from my old job. started feeling bad. like damn they can handle taking confusing angry phone calls all day, how come i cant? they found new jobs, the are able to think fast and act quick. oh 3 people from my company went over to this other company. I WONDER if thats where SHE went too. oh i wonder if shes fooking one of those guys then. or maybe she already fooked him and now they hate each other but still work together.

how come just the thought of answering those calls and dealing with those weird problems strikes fear into my heart? i wish i could be AS GOOD as her in the stupid competition of life. compete with her on HER terms and PROVE that I am at LEAST as good as her, can do the same kind of ridiculous work, make the same decent money.

and now she goes on and makes new friends and knows the people we worked with, longer than I knew her….which was a pretty long time. and I am stuck in the past. and she has moved past me, and I am just a faded memory in her past, that she has mostly forgotten.

next on the listening:

diocletian: gesundrian

proclamation: nether tombs of abbadon (terrible reviews, as their well of ideas has run dry and they are just going thru the blasphemous motions. but I sorta think the production sounds best on this one. and I figure each album will sound exactly the same, so production is VERY important here.)

i should be talking about this interview hehehe.

i figure, they interview 5 people, that means you START OFF at a 20% chance of getting the job. then depending on how you do, you go up or down. probably not more than 10% either way.

anyway it was me, and 5 managers, in a room for 1 hour and 20 minutes. 5 people making 25 bucks an hour to spend 90 minutes of Paid Time with ME hahahahaha.

ok did 5 mile walk, listened to those things. i just dont have great headphones. i have 10 dollar headphones when i should invest in some good 50 dollar headphones, but i just cant right now till i establish an income stream other than 2 dollars a week on mturk hahaha. i could only stand about 10 to 14 minutes of the proclamation. but its nice to come back to that noise for 14 minutes a day or so.

the diocletian sounded sorta like angel corpse but with some slow parts. great sound, again hurt by my headphones. great drum and guitar sound, great fast blasts, no triggers like some f4ggy death metal band hahaha.

i just hate sounding incompetent with a caller who wants me to fix a problem, because I AM incompetent, and i DONT know what I’m doing. and i hate that SHE was better at that in the long run than me.

and if you can stay good at that in the long run, you can actually advance in the stupid tech support field. become a tier 2, then a tier 3, then a manager, get jobs at increasingly better companies. you just gotta tough it out. and I couldn’t do it, and she COULD. AND she doesn’t CARE about ME, when I KNOW she once did. she was tough enough to do the job, and to KEEP doing the job a year later, but she wasnt courageous enough to SHOW CARE about ME. fooooooook.

i mean other women have been tougher and more competent than me. better at their jobs. doing tough jobs. cool under pressure. going gets tough, tough get going. other women have Bested me at that competition, but I didn’t care nearly AS much because they showed a lot more courtesy to me when they dumped me. they said sorry that I have to do this. and then went on to become hugely successful in their careers. just like THAT PERSON is going to be. I came CLOSE to looking her up on linkedin today. I thought she might work at this company several people from our company went to.

theres a difference between “taking the black pill” ie looking a unpleasant things, because you might learn a valuable lesson…….vs TORTURING yourself by COMPARING yourself to others unfavorably on linkedin. looking at all those fookin WINNERS on linkedin. or f4gbook or that matter. oh im so successful at muh career. i am not on the verge of a nervous breakdown and im getting MARRIED to a person I LUV and want to make babies with. we just had a baby. were having our second baby. chad just got promoted to Team Lead this year, which meant more money for our growing family. Stacy finished her masters degree in Talent Acquisition which resulted in a big pay raise for her too.

that fooking bullshit successful middle class normie STRIVERS talk about in their christmas card letters!!!!

so yeah. SOME blackpilling is ok, but I don’t think this comparing yourself is really helpful, nor is it legit blackpilling. its more digging yourself into a rut and putting yourself into a bad mood. better to just STOP, and just apply for another job, or go for a 5 mile walk and listen to EVIL raw black metal like blasphemy or proclamation hahahaha.

black lives matter hehehe how about MY life matters. I wanted MY life to matter to HER. not even in a tradwife luv sort of way, but just in GENERAL.  even before i fell in luv her life matter to me, and my life mattered to her. i just wished my life could have mattered to her at the END. rather than being murdered like an aborted child hahahaha.

now i know what that aborted child feels like with the silent scream, as it screams pleeeease mommy dont murder me, and then they get murdered anyway. and then you get to stay alive enough to be able to see that, and think about it for years hahahaha. and you wonder how could your own mother murder you hehehe.

so in a while its WORSE than being aborted! because you are still ALIVE TO SUFFER!!

at least the aborted baby has the privilege of not being able to suffer any more. they are put out of their misery!

july 8

foreveralone feels, an actual 30 year old wizard virgin with a youtube channel whoooooaaaaa

i mean he LOOKS like one! but he also doesnt look TOO bad, or irredemable. its sad.

instantly subscribed.

The “why are women fooked” question is actually really easy: because they don’t have to be good to pass on their genes. They just have to take a dick and keep the baby alive. The men have to slave, fight and die over who gets to keep them.

great quote from great trs thread on how bad women are hahaha

but yeah i might as well be a 30 year old virgin. i had secs 2 times with a gurl when i was 21………AND THEN NEVER EVER AGAIN hahahaha and now I am 30+.

its a really unique situation. there’s no manual for this. the wizards dont understand, the normie chads sure dont understand. i guess people can still advise you: be a stronger, better, man with purpose. then you can keep a woman from dumping you. easier said than done tho hahaha.

huge anti police shooting in dallas, its HAPPENING, 4-5 officers dead, wow, i mean i can honestly say stuff was NOT liek this when I was young. shit is objectively getting BAD.

i meditated on my desire to bang gurls up the ass and I figured it had to do with a desire to PUNISH them and cause them some pain. for not wanting anything to do with me, and also for Playing Around with the LIfe Creation Process so casually.

I was always kinda afraid of the Vag and Secs because I always understood THATS HOW BABIES ARE MADE. this is NOT a casual, fun process. if you want to have PURELY recreational secs, then do it up the ass like mexican sluts or f4gs. that’s the fookhole for people who REALLY dont want to have babies. and i dont want to have babies. babies are a BIG DEAL and Im not ready for that. so i dont want to treat the pvssy like some kind of casual funland.

and women are stupid and inferior for treating their OWN pvssies like that. theyre the ones who GET pregnant!!!! how can they NOT know this and need a man to mansplain it to them? because thats how women ARE. and I was like holy shit that sucks SO MUCH. How can I POSSIBLY respect or even LIKE women. they are DISGUSTING.

so hence the desire to bang them in the ass. to somewhat punish them, and also to show that I wanted to remove ALL chance of conception. well why not just use birth control.

because i’ve ALWAYS believe that BC is flawed. that its putting up an unnatural roadblock to something natural. and you just dont need to do that with the ass. because the ass is not MADE FOR REPRODUCTION. its made for expelling shit.

so yeah still its degenerate to want to put muh dick in an EXIT hole! I fully own and admit that. own muh degeneracy.

well its not like Im going out banging sluts in the ass, or watching porno of it! although I used to. but i havent looked at porno in….242 days.

the shit with the woman WENT DOWN 360 days ago. almost a year.

sent her the last email 326 days ago.

last got a haircut 101 days ago. and I am fully planning on getting a nice very short haircut TODAY.

later. got nice short level 1 haircut! very nice. do this more like every 2 months, not every 3 months. it was looking bad on the sides, like an unemployable loser neet wizard virgin. dont do this. i am scottish with spending money, but in this case, its WORTH THE MONEY. just spend the money and get a haircut every 2 months. they barber didnt even ask about muh JOB hahaha.

also now i look more masculine, like a real ross bay powerlifting black metal skinhead. i would also add 1433 to that, althought the ross bay cult is NOT associated with 1433. but they should really consider it! although the black guy in the band blasphemy hahahaha well i will give him a pass.

BUT really raw drunken satanic black metal is degenerate anyway, and degeneracy and 1433 is like OIL AND WATER.

so, switch all that drunken satan imagery with like Nationalistic War imagery. you can still have those kewl black and white drawings! just instead of goatz and sp00py skellys with goathorns, you can have like soldiers and fuhrers and gunz and tradfams and such.

being CONFUSED SUCKS. it kills your confidence and can lead to Chronic Stress.

also you feel like you are getting early onset dementia or alzheimers at age 35. WTF. that is very frustrating.

or was it just because you smoked too much MJ and drank too much alcohol before age 25? because ya sure did. sure screwed the pooch on that one. dicked the dog. fooked fido.

like worshiping satan and evil is stupid, immature, degenerate, and really doesnt make sense. being a 1433 whyte warrior makes TOTAL sense. 14 words make TOTAL sense. so express THAT in your music.

had stupid dream last night where I dreamed I was looking at pictures of HER, on facebook or instagram or whatever. i saw a photo of her from new years eve where she was kissing a black guy. i reacted with disgust and horror and anger, much like you would expect me to hahahaha. i make no apologies for not liking mudsharking, and I am ESPECIALLY offended when the woman I luv would rather fook and kiss blacks than have anything to do with ME. it really stings the pride knowing a black guy is better at getting the woman of your dreams than you are. and that the woman of your dreams would rather be with a black guy than you, ya racially-aware whyte man.

also IRL she did go out with a black guy but I never saw secsy pictures of that thank god. but the fact is, they were making out and FOOKING. she she suck his dick? most certainly. Did he blast jizz on her pretty face? maybe. did he fook her up the ass? maybe. did he fook her doggystyle and blast on her nice white ass? certainly. did he pound that pvssy with her fine white body pressed up against him while they made out and she sighed in Ecstasy? 100000% yes definitely. things I will never experience with her hehehehe.

And I have always like kissing and making out MORE than secs. it seems so pure and fun and innocent and safe and good. and secs seems so dirty and bad and pornographic and dangerous and bad. not because it is, but because the way the women treat it like its NOTHING. treat it with more reverence.

so I always LIKED making out and kissing more. it means a lot to me. I would have had a LOT of fun making out with her. I had a LOT of fun just making out with gurls. then they would get bored, want secs, and dump me when they correctly ascertained that I wanted a real rel.

i get dumped because i always want a RELATIONSHIP with women hahahaha what a MONSTER I am.

clingy and needy, always wanted a Relationship.

oh well there’s serious rels and then theres casual rels. why do I always want a serious rel?

because I am an OLD SCHOOL WHITE MAN, and I KNOW that sex cannot be treated CASUALLY!

so yeah not only do i think secs is intmate, i think KISSING is kinda intimate too! and i feel a lot more positively towards it than secs, ie its something i can actually enjoy, possibly because it doesnt make babies but still allows you to show affection for your bitch, like cuddling. and its much SAFER and lower RISK, and I think its super FUN and stress free, and I RESENT women for not liking it so much, or thinking its BORING.

if you think somethings boring, YOUR BORING hahahahahahaha.

if you’re BORED, YOURE BORING.

uncle bern might have clued me into that saying.

oh lord their are LATVIANS speaking LATVIAN in the poker room hahahaha.

this is really interesting. yes i luv latvians, they are white as hell. or are they finngolian hahaha. latvians are classic joohaters and ovened 6 gorillion joos in riga in 1943.

 

 

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SUCK MAH PROBLEMATIC D1CK, B1TCHAZZ

sept 25 2014

so yeah it is a teensy bit disappointing that my female friend is scared to or doesn’t want to tell me about her new boifran. and something bothers me about the looks of the guy, but i guess the important thing is that he treats her respectfully, and that she does not sell out her good morals for him.

but i will get over it, it is not a huge deal. but it also shows how bad i am at reading women, since for a while, i was afraid that she might be in luv with me! when the whole time she was in luv with another guy. so, i totally read her wrong.

anyway now i can focus back on stealing the cute gurl at work away from her loser boifran! hahahaha. no not really. i mean i would bang her, and i am even getting along with her a little better than i was, but the job is so intense i really have very little libido whatsoever, unless i see a brand new 18 yo qt on my day off or something.

IMHO, there is NOTHING wrong with a 30+ year old man Dating an 18 year old gurl.  It is not like i would treat the gurl wrong, or brainwash her to do something she doesn’t want to do.

the much more insidious thing is the way high school and especially colleges brainwash young girls!!!!!!!1

so maybe mra’s and mgtow’s only become that way because they are horrible with women, failures with women, and this is their way of rationalizing and sublimating those personal demons.

well, i would respond to that, yeah maybe for the most extreme mgtows who never want to be near a woman again. but the fact of the matter is, feminists do suck, and our leaders and elites are anti-male. period. and that anti-feminism is a big part of being a generally good Rightist.

but the nutty extreme guys who are like shun women altogether, use artificial wombs, of course, yeah they are nutty and became that way because they are horrible with women, because they are creepy autist nutjobs.

and i myself have failed a lot with women, and i myself became an mra, then an mgtow, and just a few days ago had a post titled “wimmin: the cons have outweighed the pros.”

but the fact of the matter remains: i am not closed to women, i don’t avoid or shun women, and i would view a Rel with a Woman as a Good thing, however all this is mitigated by the fact that I’m getting older and it’s harder to have strong feelings for New Women, and also the repeated rejection DID wear me down, and even though I Got Over It all, that took years, and those years have worn away my energy and passion for New Women, as I moved from being a Young Adult, to being a full blown Adult nearing Middle Age.

But yeah I fully agree with Millennial Woes that Intimate Relationships are a Healthy, Enriching, IMportant, GOOD part of life, that can add something to your life that you just can’t add yourself.

BUT it’s also “problematic” (i.e, bad) when you try to get intimate with the wrong person.

hehehe problematic is code word for i’m a marxist masterz degree brainwashed f4ggot who sucks feminists d1x, hates amurka, hates whites, hates men, hates working class flyover country racist uneducated white men.

suck muh problematic d1ck, b1tchazz.

eric holder resigns. good riddance, marxist, antiwhite, anti-american sleaze. not that he will be replaced by anyone much better.

hehehe not easy being a small gummint, ultra-conservative, working class, single white man., hehehehehe.

wahhh wahhhh i have not made out with a gurl in over 8 years, wahhh wahhh. i have only had sechs 2 times, over 10 years ago, waahhhh wahhhhhh. write a whiny song about it, if i could!

instead i will write a whiny BLOG about it!!!!!

Lesson Learned: How NOT to be a Lazy Loser: DON’T write whiny blogs about BS like THAT!!!!!

i got bigger things to worry about, like getting thru each day of hard stressful customer-oriented work, one day at a time. that’s all i do all day. speak to a different person with a different problem i am expected to fix, and it may be an easy problem, or it may be a really goddam WEIRD problem. obviously i hope for the easy problems. but they seemed to have tended toward the Weird ever since I have returned. but at least i am pretty sure I won’t have a meltdown on the job.

my teeth might fall out from all the candy i’m eating though, and i might get lung cancer from all the cigarets i smoke from muh stressful job, hahahahaha.

no, i “only” smoke 5 cigarettes during a work day. and then not when i’m out of work. unless i am hanging out with a smoker, which i do sometimes.

i just believe that women should not be promiscuous, is that such a bad thing to believe, hehehehe. or more accurately, I would prefer that my Intimate Mate not be promiscuous.

And I also believe that promiscuity hurts Women much more than it Hurts Men, because Men and Women are Different, because Women can get pregnant and are The Choosers, and Men Can’t Get Pregnant and are the Ones putting themselves out there to get rejected again and again, until they either learn their lesson, or become miserable failure loser extreme anti-woman mgtows or wizard wirginz.

that is a little extreme. but to be pro-your-own-race is not extreme, and those things i said about women immediately above are not extreme. the end.

RODGER MANIFESTO 5

may 27

plus he remembered tiny details from years ago. i can barely remember sh1t that happened when i was in grade school. yeah i was in luv with some gril who didn’t want me, and i wrote an epic story about it, but i am not still mad at her or anything.

also how was his rel with his sister? he appeared to get along with her but he never really said anything about her at all. why didn’t he want to kill her for being a wh0re?

also he was delusion in thinking he could make billions of dollars.

also he should have felt greater shame for dropping out of skool. i had a bit of a dropping experience once, and i felt great shame about it for YEARS afterwards. this guy dropped classes every single semester because he couldn’t handle seeing girls with boys. and then spent 1000$ on lottery tickets and dreamed about driving up to “college in a lamborghini, then all the girls would want me.”

so yeah, he was not as smart as I originally thought!!!!

so yeah this guy is not a cautionary tale of what can become of you when you are bad with gurls. being bad with gurls was NOT his major malfunction, being a psycho was.  in our worst of days we can never become this bad. there was a lot more going on than him being a lazy loser. i’m not even sure how lazy he was anyway. he liked going out to the store to buy expensive clothes.

also i would feelt great guilt writing about all this money i was spending that i hadn’t made, sucking on his parents teats.

i may or may not still do that to some extent myself, but you wouldn’t know, because i refuse to write about it!!!!

there are some things I just will not write about myself!

well, maybe when I write my autobiography i will. this manifesto has got me thinking about writing a memoir. but not going on a killing spree, hahahaha.

for example, when i was his age and had feeeeeeelings of crippling depression, i would often sit in muh room and drink alone and just get moar crippling depressed. i would have older friends buy ridiculous amounts of booze for me that i could stockpile and do that, like buy 2 2 liters bottles of cheap vodka or whiskey. “handles” or “magnums”, you know,the BIG plastic bottles.

he seriously thought he was going to win the LOTTERY and became depressed after losing it???? yeah sounds like real manic bipolar delusion type stuff to me. i know i don’t have THAT!

he pushed ALL his friends away. every last one. when it was down to one he pushed that one away and then felt like it was that guy )james) betraying HIM.

and then he felt sorry for himself for having no friends.

he could have easily made a bigger effort to hang out with the nerdy asians he started a quasi-friendship with in santa barbara, but they weren’t cool enough for him, so he let them slip away, and then complained about it.

or begging his mother to buy him a new laptop after he spilled wine on the old one. i would never beg muh fam to buy me anything, well after the age of 5 or so, hehehe. and yet they were STILL too generous to me. and the fact that he writes about it without seeing anything WRONG with it….. yes, could say that lots of times when reading this. like you think it’s ok to shoot girls wiht a super soaker filled wiht BOILING OIL, hehehehehe, that was kinda funny.

you could make a great meme/macro out of this, just taking lines out of this manifesto and putting em over a picture of an entitled kissless virgin, hehehe.

why was he so convinced he was such a “MAGNIFICENT, EXTRAORDINARY, SUPERIOR GENTLEMAN”??? then why didn’t gurls like him. because they were f00ked up, he said.

well, i agree, gurls ARE f00ked up, i don’t really like them, but what they are mainly attracted to is masculine charisma, personality, even over looks and money, although looks and money and status can help, charisma is THE most important thing. rodger did not understand that at all. of course when i was his age i didn’t understand it either!

anyway, there was just something OFF about him that is not off with me, will never be off with me, and will probably never be off with you.

they way he lied to his family about registering for classes, when he dropped them RIGHT AFTER

yep. after you get 110 pages deep, he sounds like the world’s most autistic virgin. some autism can be good, some can be real bad. and this is a great example of the world’s worst autism. read it. know it. recognize it.

autism that is geared towards gurls, virginity, sex, entitlement, gurlfrans, etc. and violence and retribution of course.

though “DAY OF RETRIBUTION” is a pretty cool name. but also pretty autistic too. it would be funny if it didn’t actually happen.

yep. so he had a general fantasy of a bueaitufl b lond gurfran. whereas i had a fantasy of very specific, actual, real gurls i had met personally and fallen in luv with over a period of time: gurls 1 thru 8. and i never wanted to kill them. although i was very disappointed when they dumped or rejected me, where applicable. other times they just moved away before i could Sack Up. heh. those are the only ones i remember fondly. but i still don’t want to hurt or kill the ones I DON’T remember fondly!!!!!

 

SEARCH TERMS FOR ALL TIME ENDING MAY 17 2014

may 17

this is a cheap post, feel free to skip hehehe. wanted to share a pastebin like record of all muh search queries:

Search Terms for all days ending 2014-05-17 (Summarized)

All Time

Search Views
wizardchan 28
honey nut feelios 14
fedora atheist 13
autismbux 11
neetbux 10
mikko aspa interview 4
feelios 4
how to stop being neet 4
losers in fedoras 3
atheist fedora 3
mikko aspa 3
how to stop being a neet 3
fedora+atheist 3
4chan wizard 3
mgtow 3
20 yr old kissless virgin fear 2
official virgin age meter 2
wizardchan 4chan 2
slang ” be fedora faggot” 2
how to i stop being a lazy loser? 2
know that feel 2
virgin age meter 2
stephen ilardi pornography 2
ajahn brahm depression 2
college grad $9 2
how to have a good attitude 2
how to stop being prostitute 2
puppy on keyboard 2
with terms: lazy, big babies, choosy, losers, less prepared, not employable! 2
wizardchan dopamine 2
how to stop being lazy and study 2
how to quit being lazy 2
atheism fedora 2
i am a morally lazy loser 2
social anxiety unemployable 2
how to end being omega 2
kissless virgin 2
roissy is bitter 2
getting neetbux 2
born to feel 2
30 years virgin wizard 2
mgtow losers 2
losers join the military and die 1
i have burnt people out 1
cognitive distortion in angry students 1
manlet 4chan 1
mgtow liberal conservative 1
don’t be an orbiter in the friendzone 1
not trying hard enough 1
is it safe to drink apple cider vinegar while taking st. johns wort? 1
low stress jobs 1
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how to stop being lazy beta 1
lazyiness 1
4chan atheist fedora 1
red pill omega males 1
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what is a dbsa support group like 1
david burns cognitive distortions 1
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how to stop being omega 1
4chan mgtow 1
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how to change bad attitude 1
gap year lazy 1
stop laziness 1
deathspell omega producer 1
supplicating+beta 1
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get too easily discouraged 1
adult children losers 1
list of atheist with fedoras quotes 1
can you get unemploybiltyy with 51% 1
how to stop being a kissless virgin 1
i am a lazy loser 1
sharepoint+loser 1
clean humor about bad attitudes 1
how to stop feeling lazy 1
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easy sample of bad attitudes like lazy 1
4chan how to stop being lazy 1
mgtow black poison soul 1
trade schools are for lazy people 1
how to save money at starbucks 1
losers at wizardchan 1
laziness bipolar disorder 1
patronizing extraverts 1
losers getting internships 1
seroxat promiscuity 1
how to stop laziness 1
wizardchan misogyny 1
>tfw no stiff 1
friendless helps avoid bribes 1
loser jobs in humble 1
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your score 1
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fedora losers 1
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i want an easy low stress job where i don’t have to work very hard 1
john kadlecik sounds like jerry 1
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ladies in uk looking for funds £10000000 and above to buy a house and in need of help so how can i get this help from someone please help me to get this loan done immediately 2013 1
atheist loser 1
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“supplicating beta” 1
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fedora neckbeard atheist 1
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beta orbiters entitlement 1
heartiste intrest 1
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can my unemployment stop for not trying hard enough? 1
who is the author of the old man and medel,which year was it pubrish? 1
honey nut feelings 1
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meaning of underjob 1
drugs or just laziness 1
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grateful dead and other groups used by tavistock 1
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pornsexlifestyle 1
avoidant personality loser 1
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lazy 25 year old virgin 1
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up from being a morally lazy loser 1
is teaching english abroad morally correct? 1
how to deal with a unconcentra teenager 1
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depression hero omar 1
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nofap “depression forums” 1
robert sapolsky laziness 1
why is kyla grogan on the weather channel? 1
rule 34 is stupid 1
all security check workarounds need to on pokerstars 1
adult children that are losers 1
atheists wearing fedoras 1
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a book on not being lazy at work 1
mikko aspa wiki 1
omega male fedora 1
dbsa entertainment 1
us going to pot gambling lazy porn addicted losers everywhere 1
to be a late twenties loser 1
mikko/aspa 1
no fap wellbutrin 1
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no fap lazy 1
atheist faggots 1
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beta orbiters why 1
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squidward depressed 1
cuddle contract 1
what are autismbux 1
anger management whoosh bla bla 1
coffee management information systems 1
how to get autismbux 1
loser in college 1
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anger management hooosh bla bla 1
mikko aspa pervertic 1
life is more important than job 1
ajahn brahm panic you tube watch 1
such a loser facesitting 1
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FAMILY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN CAREER

I might have already HAD a post with that title. Still, it’s important enough of a Point, that I could prob just change the name of this blog to that!

nov 29 2013, fri, 2:01pm

YEP  fully enjoying “Thanksgiving Vacation”, sleeping in, time off, relaxing, R and R, great times, here I can really do some serious Blog Work. like schedule posts every day so there isn’t such a huge backlog. and sit in bed and drink coffee and give you a Live Post of 1000 words right off the top of muh head, in one fell swoop, playing a few poker hands in here as well.

Again, I would be doing youtube videos, just talking to yall, but again, my Voice would IDENTIFY me even more than these words, and I want to be Anonymous atm. I will de-anonymize for no less than 40 grand a year. For the next 30 years. at least.

had thanksgiving dinner with the fam, tried to analyze a case history of The Working Class Family. Adults can get a decent Upper Working Class Fulltime Job right out of high school and continue working it for 20+ years. Nowadays the younger Millennial Gen can’t get that, and the only full timers are Old people who have been there 20+ years, trying to hold on to their jobs, while the company is trying to squeeze them out with Young Kid Part Timers making 8 bucks an hour.

Adults in their 50s who are completely Not Into the College Career Cult. Because they didn’t have to be. Meanwhile I’m actively HOSTILE towards it, because I’ve experienced it, and can see how bad it really sucks.

ANYWAY.

So one way to do it is to find a Big Govt Agency that hires part-time seasonal workers, then do that, then HOPE you get hired in to Permanent Part Time, then HOPE you get hired it as Full Time. Not sure how long that would take, or if you could improve your chances with Good Performance. Why would you? that would make too much sense!

Then I laid awake thinking of everyone I know who has gotten married. I thought of Men and Women and Careers and Families and the State of the Nation 2013. I thought about who invented the word “CAREER.” When did CAREERS become a thing, and when did JOBS become such a Loser thing?

Especially when JOBS are so hard to come by….let alone CAREERS!

I was invited to a Huge Thanksgiving Party and there will be people there I do want to see and people there I don’t want to see. Heh. Ideally I would just see the people I DO want to see, and in a much smaller non-party situation. at the same time I don’t want to insult the host, who is a great guy, who I DO like, hehehe. I would prefer NOT to go in muh gut, but I wonder if it would be Good Karma for me to make a brief appearance.

Women LOVE careers. They love careers more than they like men. Women are the biggest True Believers in The College Career Cult. They LOVE it. If you’re a man who’s not Huge On Career, to Women, that’s admittance of you being Proud to be A Loser. They can find PLENTY of Career-Oriented Men in their Own Careers! (see great recent HEartiste article about “THE CORPORATE CAREER HAREM”!!)

And with that comes the Raft of Everything else that appeals to College-Educated Women: Left-Leaning Media, Big Government Worship, Democrat Worship, Career Worship, College Worship, Atheism Worship, Change for the Sake of Change, Feminism, Daily Show, MSNBC, Blatantly Choosing Career Over Family/Children. How are the CHILDREN of these women going to turn out?

And then I thought, even though I have these strong opinions, it doesn’t really lead me to any solid answers. The best I got was, hope I am making a Good Living by Age 40, in the Middle Of Muh Career, MAYBE age 50, and THEN find a young VIRTUOUS woman to have children with. Love and attraction would be VERY secondary; Virtuous/Moral/Good MOTHER would be PRIMARY. then have Children and try to not be senile by the time they’re 18. And at least 3 children would be ideal.

Heh. I’m DONE with CAREERS, I’m DONE with WOMEN.

A Full Time JOB is more than sufficient for me, and My Women have to be OK with that, and not WORSHIP THE FALSE GOD of Career being The Most Important Thing In Life.

FAMILY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN CAREER.

JOBS ARE BETTER THAN CAREERS.

The Careers Day poster they rejected
The Careers Day poster they rejected (Photo credit: Alun Salt)

Warning: When I talk about Being Against Women and Careers, it’s more Marketing/Business/HR/PR/Advertising/Media type careers rather than STEM Careers………..obviously. STEM careers are a lot better than Business Careers hehehehehe. Get a Health Care Career if you want a Career so bad, and leave Business to the Men. Not that Women can’t DO business as good as men do, but because Business kinda RUINS Women, just like taking too Many D’s can ruin a woman. It crushes their natural Feminine Beauty.

Heh heh. Of course it must be muh Hateful Sexist Attitude that is making me an Unhappy Loser who is not having success with Career and Women.

One last thing. Wizardchan makes (or USED to make, several months ago) a big deal out of banning people who weren’t STRICTLY Virgins. My target audience is much wider and inclusive. I will totally take Nonvirgins. You just have to be Unhappy with the Quality or Quantity of Women you’ve pulled thus far. Maybe a huge Drought of 1, 2, 5, 10 years. Maybe you’ve only had S with one or two women. And they were all Hideous Hambeasts. Or Hookers.

Come one, come all. I am going to help you Sow Your Wild Oats Once and For All. I am going to help you get Sex On The Reg with Attractive Women. Although they might not be Virtuous Women, and they might be closer to 30 than to 20, heh heh.

HOW TO GET YOUR SWEET FIRST OUT OF COLLEGE FULL TIME ENTRY LEVEL CAREER JOB & MATE WITH 8’S

mon oct 7 854am

so the other day I was offering in-depth and expert customer service to a very very QT who was closer to 21 than to 18, a total perfect 8, hahahaha, and for the first time in a long time I was kicking myself viciously for not being flirtatious with her, or being more masculine with her, or simply Asking Her Out To Dinner Right Then And There. Now you say this is very unprofessional to do with customers, but I can assure you I would keep it all rather professional. Being professionally masculine, nothing inappropriate. Because By God she could have SOMF all day long. I was just so un-used to having such a Golden Opportunity that I didn’t even recognize it as an opportunity until it was too late. So if I ever see her again, I will try to right this wrong.

This was Natural Attraction At It’s Finest – it actually makes you WANT to put in the EFFORT.

Job Search Practical Tip: Your EmployerGod WANTS you to copy and paste from the job description into yer ResCL. It shows them you READ the job description. use the exact same action words (verbs) and buzzwords. And know that “Client Relations” is the EXACT SAME THING as “Customer Service.” Look for other 100% Equivalencies like that. “b-b-b-b-but it’s NOT the exact same! There are important differences!” No there’s not. How are you ever going to make $12 an hour with a Loser Attitude like that! How are you ever going to Mate With 8’s?

you know its time to buy new shoes when they still smell after spraying them with lysol every day, and not only are the soles all worn down, but now there is a sizeable hole in the sole and if you step in water your sock gets all wet. really reaching the end here. And it really doesn’t reflect well on you. People DO look at your shoes. Not that it matters what people think of you….. but yes it DOES matter if people think you’re a Lazy Neet Bum, AND you don’t want to Send The Signal of you being a Lazy neet Loser, when that’s exactly the image of you you’re trying to eradicate. So don’t send that signal.

Insurance Premiums. Health Insurance Costs To Be Brunted By The Employer. Obviously a 40 Year Old is going to have manny more Medical Needs than a 21 year old fresh outta Uni, who will be healthy as f00k and will continue partying throughout Grad Skool and Career, probably until 25 or even 29 if they push it. Because they are invincible, picture of perfect health, etc.

So employerz say, the 30 year old will be costing us a lot more re Health Insurance than the 21 year old, so let’s hire the 21 year old every time, because if we hire 30+’s, we will go bankrupt.

Heh. I am not sure how Health Insurance works for Companies, so maybe it’s less risky for them to hire older people as this grim picture I have painted. Heh. I have never held the power to interview and hire people, or Administer Benefits. I just know that 30 and 40 year olds Incur a lot more Medical Costs than 21 year olds: Diabetis, Heart Disease, Cancer, Cholesterol, Hypertension, Hardening of the Arteries, Cancer, Kidneys, Bad Back, Chronic Pain, Gout, Obesity, etc.

tues oct 8, 1.11pm

well, I should be doing homework / work right now, but since I’m not getting paid for it, I am choosing to take an hour to do this fun thing of writing in the blog, uplifting the world.

my EXCUSE, and there’s always an excuse, isn’t there, is that my underwork sched is mixed up here, so i got to sleep in, get my classic 14 hours of sleep, hypersomnia, etc. i guess if you can sleep 14 hours, go right ahead.

heh heh. like this stupid forbes article I read recently. during your interview, explain how you use a real ATHLETE mentality. You believe in balanced mind and body. You know that to be at your best performance, you need your rest. And you eat healthy and exercise. and you don’t let defeat get you down. when the going gets tough, the tough get going. you get MORE creative and look for different approaches. you know you can’t succeed without the team, it’s all about your team, but you also know how to perform your role within the team excellently. and a whole bunch of other f4ggy horsesh1t.

So just say you’ve been giving 110% lately, and to continue giving 110%, you have to catch up on 14 hours of sleep here and there. To run the marathon of professional career victory.

anyway I had an interesting experience on monday, will share, try to deduce the Big Lesson out of it.

So every once in a while I hit the jackpot and this market research firm calls me and invites me to do a Paid Survey. Sometimes it’s really fun, and I get to go to a Big Company where the Top 1% of Engineers work with their HYPSM degrees, and then market research people ask me questions as I use a product, and I get paid BigBux.

So I will not say exactly what I was testing, and that’s not important anyway. What was important was the market researchers. One extremely Extraverted Woman possibly around 30 years old, still in good shape, as can be expected from Professional Career Women who want to Have It All, who succeed in College and Career, probably has a Masters Of Marketing.

i beat anorexia

What really shocked me was her partner, a very young girl who did not even look 21 years old. I wondered: was this the Unpaid Undergrad Intern, or was this the Recent 21-year-old Graduate who was winning enough to snag a sweet full time entry-level career job with a Viable Market Research Company? She looks so YOUNG! And indeed she was very cute, could ABSOULTELY SOMF for hours and days, and of course I have this weird prejudice towards College Girls, because I am obsessed with the Wester College Career Cult, KIds who Go Away To College, which she probably was, as opposed to Kidz who Go To College but don’t go AWAY to College, which is, of course, the much smarter and cost-effective way to do it, however I can guarantee you, the Go Away To College Crowd does sometimes feel superior to them. Wrongly!

So the young girl did hardly any talking, the older woman did 100% of the talking, and the young girl mainly took notes on a computer, typing away. This plus her obviously super young age is what made me think she was an Unpaid Undergrad Intern, but again, it can be hard to tell with these College Girls: are they 19 and still A Full Time Away At College Student Intern, or are they a 21 year old Recent Grad who just got their First Out Of College Fulltime Career Job? In which case I would have been bretty envious of her! Being a 21 year old total QT who was no more educated than me, having a Great Career Job and getting paid 90000000000000 times more than me, the superold loser, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. And whose face was SHE sitting on? Not mine!

Heh. But of course extraverted normalfag Away To College Sorority type gurls are Tailor Made for Marketing and Market Research! And I would think that they have a Competitive Advantage over Old, Introverted, Creepy, Awkward, Chubby Neet Loser Men who Don’t Interview Well and who don’t Get Interviews Well, and especially who are not True Believers in the College Career Cult.  Heh, more excuses, the excuses never end.

At any rate, I performed quite well and just talked and talked and rambled and rambled and came across as a Talkative Extravert Really Well. The trick is to just start talking and not even think about what you’re saying.

I was not really impressed with the Intellectual Calibre of their work, it fits right in with my theory that An Uneducated High Schooler could be trained to do this work, and not have it be a Sweet Coveted Job For the Top 20% of College Grads ONLY.

But because there simply isn’t a big enough supply of these kinda jobs, there’s way less market research jobs than there are high school students in other words, we need a big stupid college scam to credentialize it. but who ever said life was FAIR??

Heh. It really doesn’t MATTER if life is unfair, or, life seems a lot less unfair when you have 21YOQTs to SOYF at your beck and call.

But talking so narmalfagly with the woman made me think of being on an INterview, boy what if I were in an interview being this relaxed and confident and normalfag, jeez then I might get that sweet fulltime entry level careerjob, and making fat stacks and getting 21yoqts to somf all day.

so that’s the lesson for You All: just start rambling, talk without thinking, thinking will trip you up, and when you start talking a lot, you will seem like a normalfag, and successful normalfags like to HIRE other normalfags to be successful too.

Yep, in theory, pulling 21yos to soyf is really, really easy: talk without thinking, seem like an extravert normalfag, not a introvert neet loser spaghetti pockets virgin, and really this all inherits from the base class of BE MASCULINE. but also you gotta dress nice, don’t dress like a neet loser virgin spaghetti pockets who has never hung out with a grill.

but in practice it can be super difficult to go out and buy those clothes, or to put yourself in those situations where you can talk to 21yoqts.  that’s even more difficult than buying the clothes. you KNOW where to get the clothes, and then you just exchange money for them. But where the f are the 21 yoqts? Either Away At College, or in the Expensive City working their Career Jobs, out at Noisy Dance Clubs, where you compete for their attention with men 90000000000000 times more masculine than you: rich, successful, nice dresser, great career, has never been an alien to the experience of 21 or even 18 yoqt’s sitting on their face, etc.  yeah even though they are men just like you, it’s real hard to put yourself in the shoes of a guy like that.

OK. So read Dale Carnegie’s classic “how to win friends and influence people.” It is really not brain surgery to talk to grills or employers. they really are just people, just human beings. just keep asking them simple questions, pulling their talk strings, and you sit there and nod your head and say mm hmm. yes. I see. Ah. How interesting. tell me more about that.

and if you’re talking to a 21yoQT, then you just be a little more masculine and edgy and tease them a little. get them tingling.

but the other point i wanted to make is, gainfully employed fulltime career job college edumacated nonvirgin normalfags will look at you like you’re a loser if you are underemployed or GOD FORBID unemployed. So you just don’t tell em. LIE to them if they are stupid and rude enough to ask. Pretend your underjob is actually a real job, but also tell them you’re Striving To Advance, and that you’re VERY INTERESTED in their career field and their company, you’d love to work at their company, you’re smart, you went to kollige too, whaddya say, help a brother out, get me an interview, I’ve got some great ideas on how 2 grow The Company, bla bla bla.

And then you’ll have a 900000000 times better chance at getting the interview than if you came supplicating before them like an underemployed loser. The Power Of Little White Lies!!! Use them to your advantage!!

All right that’s enough for today. Take It Easy on YOurselves, don’t take sh1t from ANYONE, stand up for yourselves, try doing a resume where you copy and paste SHAMELESSLY right from the KSA’s (knowledge skills abilities) in the Job Description. Absolutely Shamelessly. And then take a big VALIUM before the interview so you’re not nervous, and can start talking like a normalfag, and once those normalfag morons see you talking like a normalfag, you’ll have a real good chance of getting the job.  And then Hellllllooooooooo 21yoqts SOMF Citay!!!

 

DESPAIR, WANTING TO SLEEP ALL DAY

7 24

Heh.  what it all boils down to, is you have to be a WORKAHOLIC just to Survive Bare Minimum. You don’t get to sleep in, you don’t get to take a break, you don’t get to have A Social Life, you don’t get Movie Night or Date Night or Family Night, you don’t get to Sleep In on Weekends.

heh. on Day 1 of Forcing myself to Get Up Earlier so I can Get Things Done and force self to be better with Time Management. Meaning no more 8 or 9 hours of sleep. Cut it down to 7! Of course, Real Workaholics get only 5 tops. That’s what you gotta do. So just be tired and give shoddy work, half-ass work, rather than no work. what, is your boss gonna FIRE you? They might. So let them. Let yourself get thrown out on the STREETS. As long as you don’t DRINK, you can prob get a bed in a Homeless Shelter.

But your boss yells at you and puts pressure on your because of your shoddy work, your boss hates you and is looking to fire you and would NEVER recommend you for ANYTHING, he not-so-secretly wants you and your family to die in a gutter.

yeah. so how do you get a reference/recommendation from your boss if your boss hates you and thinks you are Pond Scum? I guess you do not. You get recommendations from the one person at work you actually get along with, even if they are not your Boss per se. It doesn’t even matter if it’s your boss. Get it from your Work Friend.

Cal Newport: Secrets of the Best College Students, or something. I can prob recommend this book.

So LinkedIn is GrownUp Career Adult Facebook. Does it Cheapen or Devalue You, Your Skills, and your Recommendations by having that sort of stuff “cheaply” available on LinkedIn? Like you have 10 endorsements for 10 skill, 10 little recommendation blurbs from your Work Friends.

What I’m saying is: LinkedIn Recommendation Blurbs CAN’T be worth as much, or devalue the value of, more traditional recommendation letters……can they??

7 26

i forgot you can be tired AND angry. this is like the internet of your brain going down. No Connection to anything. Nothing makes sense. read words, they don’t mean anything. stupid mistakes multiply exponentially. you look REALLY stupid. so just push through to the end of the day and then go immediately to sleep. hopefully you don’t have any big obligations or deadlines to do after your day of Paid Work. Although you probably Should, because to Make It In Life, you have to be an Overachieving Workaholic who does work from 5 am to 2 am 7 days a week. and “only” 40 hours of that is Paid, if you’re Lucky.

BECAUSE THE WISE FARMER KNOWS THAT YOU DO NOT REAP AND SOW IN THE SAME DAY! YOU DO NOT REAP WHAT YOU SOW THAT VERY SAME DAY! IT TAKES A LONG TIME! MONTHS AND YEARS!

stayed up late to go to a concert, very tired the next day at Underjob. And this is going to bed at 1:30am and getting up at 7:30 am! This is Normal for Average Working Adults! This is ABOVE Average for Average Working Adults!

Drank one large strong coffee but did not want to drink any more because The Guts were acting up. Now just drinking water.

If I had an Extracurricular or anything Unpaid I would consider SHIRKING it just to take a 2 hour nap!

Anyway just wanted to say, a lot has changed in The Metal World since I was young. This was an Old School band who were around when I was young, I saw them several times when I was young, always great band, great times.

Anyway it’s not just a matter of Modern Hipsters now liking Metal, but also Metal in general being More Popular. There are Cute Young Girls at metal shows, wearing denim vests with patches (this is big metal style thing now) of bands that were considering pretty “true” or “underground” or “untrendy” 10 years ago. Of course “true” vs “false” is still a very hot button topic, and it all does smack of Hipster Tryhardism. Just saying that 10 years ago, there weren’t nearly so many Cute Young Girls at True Untrendy Death Metal Shows. Girls only like Trendy things. which is fine, that’s What Girls Are Like, I can accept that.

But yeah I was touched and moved by the Friendliness and Diversity and Openness. Not just Angry Young Hateful Failure Loser Troglodytes who want to Beat People Up! But Social, Friendly Men and Women who want to have a Good Social Time, a decent number of them probably have Good Jobs, they aren’t total Wastoid Losers in other words, despite their Long Hair and Tattoos. Metal was more of a Loser Outcast thing when I was young. Now the Young Metal Kids listen to their Old School Death Metal, get drunk on cheap beer, and get Tatts, but now they also have a Good Social Time with their friends, go to college, get unpaid internships, go to Grad School, get Good Lower Middle Class Jobs, get Gurlfrans and Wives and aren’t 30 year old Virgin Loser Omega Male Wizards like Your Author, hahahaha.

No I’m not a Wizard really, I WOULD get banned from Wizardchan if I Told The Full Truth: that I have FRIENDS, that I’m NOT a virgin (although, for a normalfag male, embarrassingly close to it!)

So in other words, the Metal Crowd seemed a lot more positive and I would have LOVED it if I were 18. But it reminded me of how Old I was, That Feel When you just can’t Get Into NEW things anymore, can’t fully enjoy new things or new people, you’re too far gone.

Though the very idea of a Cute Metal Gurlfran would have prob driven me crazy at the time. But now I would just find it too Weird. Do Not Want. But heck it’s hard to imagine really liking ANY Women after Girl 7! Too old for it! Too far gone! Can’t enjoy New Women!

So it’s funny how one can get in the Depths of Despair even when things are going WELL: got a nice Internship Offered to me on a Silver Platter, went to a fun Metal Show with a nice Audience, then I get tired from 6 full hours of sleep and get very crabby? See what just happened there! Maybe it was writing all this stuff that made me crabby! But yeah. perfect example of a ton of great things happening but you’re STILL in a Bad Mood. Also had an old great friend come in from out of town, had a nice delicious dinner, nice concert experience.  I Should be on Cloud 9 right now, despite being a Little Bit Sleepy!

But NOOOOOOOOOOO.

Makes you absolutely certain something is Fundamentally wrong with you, when you got all this good stuff going for you, but NOOOOOOOO. You can’t enjoy it.

Well, I guess, yes, something is wrong with you, but we can FIX it.

What would MAKE you enjoy it? Oh yeah: the Usual Excuse of: If the Last Girl You Were (Ever) In Luv With (And Will “Probably Be The Last Gurl You Ever Luv,” Cuz now you’re “Just Too Old and Tired and Jaded and Bitter”, now you’re just “DONE”) had successfully Become Your Gurlfran (for me that was “Girl 7”), and/or you had a Decent, Respectable, Lower Middle Class Masters Degree Job or Upper Working Class Bachelors Degree Job. Then you would enjoy everything. That would Fix you up just fine.

So yeah. really thinking about getting back on the Prozac/Paxil train; up from the 5 mg Weaning Dose, to the 20mg Normal Dose.

* oh here’s a great idea: maybe think of a “therapy group” or “group therapy” if you’ve never tried that before. It is not just DBSA and Emotions Anonymous. There is also Depressed Anonymous (heh heh), Lazy Losers Anonymous (heh), and you can also search PsychologyToday.com for local Therapy Groups which are Coordinated by a Mental Health Professional.

7 28 sunday

gotta dig deep today, but also don’t want to fight it.

so friday I was tired from getting “only” 6 hours of sleep, stayed in and watched movies all night. day off saturday, slept and slept and napped and dozed, got up, did some chores/errands, took a nap, had no energy, could only lay facedown and struggle to respond to texts, EVEN RESPONDING TO TEXTS takes a lot of energy, did not get my “wind” till about 7pm, dinner with friend, then movie with other friend, try not to be a negative nancy to muh franz.

good dinner, good movie, got home decent hour, like 12:30am, then sunday, day 2 off, slept till like 10 am, still tired, I figure that it takes me a good FOUR HOURS of being awake and being in a horrible, despairing, terrible, awful, downright scary mood, before that wears off. this is why I prefer to Work in the Morning. Then not so awful. I can be tired but at least be thankful I am being Minimally Useful, and that I am good enough at my Underjob that I can do it without a lot of effort or anxiety.

trying to get up at 8:45 am during the week and stick to a Time Management Schedule of: exercise, do Solid Work on my “Internship”, then go to my Underjob, then try not to stay up too late, so I can get good sleep and get up at 8:45 am the next day.

Reading 3 and will soon be 4 Books re Learning Skills and Knowledge applicable to “internship”, but not sure if I can “count” that as “internship” time because it’s not direct Work. That’s like the Homework you’re supposed to do outside of class.

Gotta keep reminding myself, Shoddy Work is better than No Work. Of course, doing shoddy work is frowned upon. But doing NO work is frowned upon even more.

but saturday was SCARY: having no energy all day, That Feel When, Friday Night, you Feel like you’d like to Sleep Twenty-Four Hours STRAIGHT. You procrastinate on Household errands and chores so you can sleep, take two naps, basically Nap Till Dinnertime, feels like a HANGOVER that lasts ALL DAY. The absolute best thing here is Being Scheduled For WORK, so then you can make money at least.

If you have to do “work from home” and actually get stuff done, it might be best to go to Starbucks or go to the Library, and stay there for at least four hours, and get something done there. when you have serious work on any sort of Sorta Serious Project, Four Hours is almost the Mimimum. Maybe Two. Because it takes at LEAST One Hour just to get the momentum rolling. Warm Up.

Well, just take it one day at a time, do some work rather than no work, maybe get back on 20 mg of SSRIs, don’t drink, don’t do drugs, pray, lift, walk, don’t stay out too late, be thankful for the good things. let go and let god, hahahahaha.