yeah buddy. just lie and say youve been trained on anything and everything. and then be more evasive when they ask you how GOOD you are at it.

if you have a lot of EXPERIENCE in something but still aren’t really GOOD at it, tell them about your vast experience and then lie and say that has made you good at it.

because in reality you arent smart or good enough to learn from your mistakes, and your employer does not care enough to train you further, to “coach” you (which is like mini-training sessions where you are pulled aside for no more than 10 minutes, your mistakes are pointed out, then you say “wont let it happen again, thank you for the teaching moment”)

so business buzzwords change every year, every quarter.

have been struggling trying to find a “professional journal” for industry, like the type of thing my managers manager should spend 15 miuntes a month reading, hahahaha. its harder than you might think. finally found something from a national organization. picking up buzzwords. zappos ceo tony hsieh says something about a c-suite. wtf is a c-suite. google: investopedia:

A widely-used slang term used to collectively refer to a corporation’s most important senior executives. C-Suite gets its name because top senior executives’ titles tend to start with the letter C, for chief, as in chief executive officer, chief operating officer and chief information officer.

ok there you go. info at yr fingertips.

basically a place you or  will never ever be. type of place where they never ever have to deal with angry customers!!! because they have mbas from top 5 skools.

anyway 35 years ago, you could just be an average idiot and get a job and get into the middle working class and have a fambly. now you have to be THE BEST. the Top ONE of all the competition, to get that job. well unless u work in a crappy company like that Overhires because they expect/predict/build in that many people will either QUIT or get FIRED

hehe ask your manager what are some good trade journals to read for best practices in your industry, they say uhhhh i dunno

ask your managers manager the same thing, they say uhhhhhhhh i dunno

which sounds suspiciously like what u say to custos when they give you another really weird question.

when the truth of the matter is, it doesn’t lose the company that much money for nobody to know how to do things.

why not?

uhhhh i dunno.

use the language of management even though you are applying for entry level and it would take you 20 years to get into management.

if u are dealing with a b who is giving you mixed signals, you are allowed to contact her once every 4 or 5 days.  lay low during that time, she will forget about whatever beta thing you did before, allowing you to reinvent yourself as a nonvirgin alpha. bs can get over / forget anything in 4 or 5 days. unless its one of the things that they never forget. dunno. always got dumped before learning what those things are.

at your job just imagine YOU are a computer or robot. what would a robot or computer say: “sorry this cannot be done. so sorry. the system is limited that we cannot even force it or make an exception. exceptions are systematically impossible. nobody has ever done an override or an exception. thats just the way this mysterious monolithic System is. why?  dunno. can you talk to someone who knows why? no. because nobody knows, and even if they did, they would not let let you talk to them.”

period. repeat for years until you get laid off permanently.


buy at least one season of your favorite tv shows, pref comedy. anything from season 2 to the peak of the show. get a decent season in other words. then you can use it to fall asleep to. very relaxing. and if u ever get a gurlfran to cuddle with, you can put that on if she doesn’t find something stupid on tv lol.

you can get valium for pretty reasonable price. got a 30 day supply of valium for like 10 bucks. and  would take less than 10% during the 30 days. so now  have a fookload of valium to take when return to work and need nervousness releif hehehehe.

but have to get a cheap doc to get moar. but shouldnt need more until january hehehehe.

tell middle class decision makers and managers that you read the new york times, even though you quit reading the nyt ten years ago because it is marxist trash. oh well. people with good jobs read it. so lie to them and make them think u read it, when you dont. its all about lies and bribes you see.

so, we try to be logical, because to be logical is to be smart, but other people arent always logical, life isnt always logical, in fact, life in general might be 50 50 logical illogical, so being logical all the time doesnt really help you any.

there are many examples. for one, why are u more obsessed with wimmin than with careers and jobs. you need a job more than u need a wimmin, yet you spend more time thinking about wimmin. not logical at all. will only hurt you. self destructive. got it ass backwards. if you focused more on the job, you would be more successful, make more moeny, and get more/better women. but you cant focus on jobs because you can only mainly focus on wimmin. wtf.

and it has been this illogical way for years. at that point would just say forget about the job and focus on the wimmin, pander to your weird brain, and maybe if you give it what it wants, it will then let you focus on jobs after you get your “foundation” with wimmin, or wild oats out of your system or whatever.

also the interesting idea that people GO THRU PHASES. like oh she went thru her promiscuous phase, now she’s in her stable monogamous phase, etc, so the previous beahvior is not a predictor of future behavior, because it was jsut a phase.



may 30

went for another 3.2 mile pwalk, total of 6.4 miles today. NOICE.

king of the hill. great show by a great mind mike judge. mike judge is one of the few Mainstream Entertainers whose Mind and Heart is in the right place and who I might trust to entertain My Children.

of course, My Children will not even have a TV in the house. no TV, no vidya, just homeschool, physical warrior training, music, languages, physical and mental games and playing. i won’t need to be superstrict and the kids with have a lot of fun doing things. learning and thinking and building things and making things.

people make fun of homeschool kids but I have never met a single homeschool kid that was a loser. even those kids who get homeschooled because their parents are superreligious jesus freaks. the kids learn a lot of religion but they also learn enough other stuff too, and always have a good work ethic and are never lazy losers.

i personally would advise not to have a superreligious homeschool because…..i went to a religious grade school and i didn’t like it????

what didn’t i like? the religion?

it was moreso the students! and a FEW teachers. there were like two or three really bad horrible teachers, but most teachers were good. the students kinda sucked though and by 6th grade I was well on the Beta/Omega Track. you don’t get that in homeschool. nor do you get the sh1tty teachers. you would have two great teachers for 12 years.

i dunno. i just think Homeschool is the greatest thing since sliced bread and would be a real simple way of Saving Our Country. Strong Familes, Strong Education within those Families, Strong Children, Strong country.

Ideally Three Generations would live together under one roof: Grandparents, Children, Grandchildren, Cousins, Nieces, Nephews.

“bbbbut what about the childs social skills?”

there would be like 30 people in that house the child could develop social skills with, plus it would be a great self esteem boost cuz they are all family and they all theoretically Luv each other, so no bullying.

assuming everybody has 3 kids. so, gramma grampa, their 3 kids, those kids 3 wives, and then 9 kids among them. 9 + 3 + 3 + 2, ok so not 30, more like 17.  still not bad.

the left has brainwashed you to have a negative opinion about this, and to imagine a bunch of jesus freak child molesting warren jeffs weirdos who are very strict and dour and mean and beat their kids and raep their kids and produce twisted freaks for kids.

i say, look on the bright side. it doesn’t HAVE to be that way at ALL. they just want you to think that so you send them to their skools to make more little brainwashed leftist drones.

think outside the box. hehehe.

now if you go to any skool, you learn somewhere along the line that homeskool is weird and twisted. but i claim homesckool is best skool for all of society and i am more than willing to try it on MY kids. if i meet a good mate and have my 3 to 5 kids, GOD WILLING.

and you don’t even need to be a right wing nutjob like me to do it! as long as you are at least Moderate or ideally Right Of Moderate, you can Implement a good homeschool with your Wief! who also doesn’t need to be a Raging Rightist. which is for the better, because good luck finding a rightist single gurl. most girls lean to the left when they are single anyway, and as they get older within a Happy Marriage to a Masculine Man such as yourself, they become more conservative.

so don’t worry about the political leanings of your wief. a masculine man guides his wief into the best woman she can be. just worry about being the best, most masculine man you can be. then you will have your CHOICE of good wiefz.

can we fight globalism and survive? i hope so. i don’t want to have to say, “its just the way of the future and foolish to oppose it, either accept it, or get swept away, which you deserve for being too ignorant to accept it.”

the fault in our stars. i bet i would have really liked that movie when i was 13 thru 21 or so, hehehe.

i might go to strip club next time muh frand suggests it. wanna say i last went last summer, maybe about a year ago. i would recommend to You to go to the strip club about once a year to get some Physical Contact with Attractive Women, if you aren’t getting this elsewhere, like with a cute gurlfrand or Dates.

but isn’t it Morally Decadent to Bang Several Women at once Harem-Style?

yeah, a little bit, but you can get away with a little bit of decadence for a little while with the periods of Nondecadence you have survived. it’s prob not a great lifestyle choice, but it certainly wouldn’t be bad to have a Wild Oats period ONCE in Your Life, amirite?!

like 2 to 5 years of Wild Oats. that would be enough for a LIFETIME. then you can settle down with a Wief and have 5 kids and homeschool them and be proud as they become huge winners producing 5 more little winners of their own.



may 22

you may say this blog is boring and narcissistic. so what. how about you?

i still argue there are good points buried in there. so why have the narcissistic stuff AT ALL?

because it’s a necessary evil?

because it makes it more fun for me. when you are a crazy loser there is some value in just typing boring narcissistic words into a blank sheet with no productive value. writing just to write. that’s why.

of course, physical exercise is much better!!!! but i do try to powerwalk 5 miles a day. maybe I should bump it up to 6??? so I’m not writing as much Dross, AND getting in shape faster?

not a BAD idea….

ok so wild oats might not be as good as True Love, but Wild Oats is WAY better than Settling Out Of Desperation and Loneliness; AND Wild Oats is WAY better than nothing at all, ie, totes celibacy or wh4cking off to pr0n.

In conclusion, Wild Oats is pretty damn good. nothing to sneeze at, and, if one is unable to procure True Love at the moment, Wild Oats will suffice a lot better than you Love Addicts think it might!!!!

Another Definition of True Love: you want them so desperately you are willing to change something about yourself to get or keep them. like when they say you can’t change people, only the person can change themselves? well, you would be willing to let them change you. anything from quitting smoking to losing weight to getting a better job to Going Back To Skool To Get Your Masterz Degree, hehehehe.

“wahh wahhh why wouldn’t she accept me, why wouldn’t she go out with me, i was willing to CHANGE for her, waaaahhh waahhhhh” like a little beta b1tch!!!!!

this is a stupid song that I order you to dance like a retard spazz to, to make you haaaaappy. i have had the song stuck in my head for YEARS but never knew what it was called. it is called venga boys “we like to party.” so now you know.

protip: do superwell in high school so you can get a huge scholarship to a local state university, and then go there, instead of to harvard (unless you are an alpha male prepared to do what it takes to be the best at harvard.) otherwise just go to the state school for next to nothing because you got a huge scholarship for being 10 times better than their average applicant.

yet another regret of mine, hehehe. and now i’m a big nobody loser who can’t get a job and can’t pull wimmin hot enough to get me off, waaaaahhhh waaaaahhhhh.

may 23

heh had muh one year anniversary of this blog bwa ha ha good for me.  not necess something to be proud of! so i think at that time, may 2013, i was still Suffering from being Rejected by Girl7 in Fall 2012, for sure. “suffering” hahaha what a joke. what a CROCK. no but it was still relatively fresh in muh mind. and i am def thankful that by now, it is ancient history.

now i don’t really care about “bishes” except for the occaisional troubling dream (although sometimes get those up to twice a week! that’s a bad week though); main problem is have no energy or motivation to do anything whatsoever.

although i am really good about powerwalking.

and i was able to handle muh ridic stressful job without freaking out or quitting.

heh. losers like us need to learn how to Toot Our Own Horns More.

what else. got a new job. almost got a new job after that. came up with the great idea of the interview one sheeter.

learned how to answer all interview questions by listening to youtube videos of mock interviews.

got some sweet silver, got some bitcoin. bitcoin is going to the moon right now, big spike in may 2014. heh. but lost most of the bitcoin gambling. gave it a fair shake though. still dabble every now and then. certainly did not even reach 20% of my yearly loss limit though!

hhehehe. here’s a good one:

secret of every great personality

“do something every day that you do not like to do” hehehe. in the sense of test yourself, push yourself, conquer fear, push the boundaries of your Kampfort Zone, so that ultimately, you are not scared of anything, and will never be held back by fear, and are not afraid to work hard to get the Jobs and Wimmin you really WANT; and to not be a coward sniveling beta scared to act; but to be a strong masculine man.

warning: i can’t remember, I may have found that picture on a racist web site, hehehe. guys probably a nazi.

ok got another good picture for next post. got to start using pictures moar!

did a 3.2 mile pwalk. nice. finished prep for fam birthday. good. still got one more step re me committing to this guy and our Road Trip. told him id get back to him today, would like to do that. have been avoiding email since….two days ago. it will be bulging. a real bulger.

protip: talking in short hemingwayesque sentences, or even ridic sentence fragments, abbreviated, like the character holt on “the cleveland show”, is extremely masculine, and has been real helpful to me in controlling my own emotions. keeps from getting wild. keeps from saying “i” too much like narciss wussy sissy boy.


may 11

jsut because you’re more concerned about wild oatz at the moment, doesn’t mean you have to SHUT DOWN any and all possibilities of finding a good monog wief, true luv, etc.

for example, I can’t even IMAGINE finding a girl9, ie a gurl I am in true luv with, i feel like muh heart is all burned out, however I am more than happy and willing to bang wild oatz. however I am open to the possibility that I might fall in luv. but DAMN she has got to be YOUNG, PURTY, and MORAL as f00k.  it may never happen and I am ok with that. but in that case I would need wild oats. need SOMETHING.

If you have a wimmin you Love, you don’t need wild oats as much; if you have wild oats, you don’t need true luv as much.

but having NEITHER def sucks!!!

do you absolutely NEED to have a wild oats phase before you can fall in true love? well of course not, I fell in luv 8 times without ever having a wild oats phase!!! hehehehe. but that is not the question you Meant. you MEANT, IF you were to actually Go Out with a True Luv Gurl and had not yet had a Wild Oats period, would that tear you up inside and you would ruin the Rel? I don’t think it necessarily would, because the strength of the True Luv would be strong enough.

Of course, that is hugely moot, because if you had EVER made it work with a True Luv Gurl, you wouldn’t BE here, hehehe. Me neither!

And, right now, muh mind just can’t fathom True Luv with a New Person, and Wild Oats simply seems to have Better ODDS, that’s why I’m all into the idea. However if the LORD sends me True Luv, I would embrace it!

ok one potential problem with my New Rating System is that the Worst Possible Thing still gets 1/9, or 11/99, or 5.5%. just for showing up. they get that.

should it theoretically get Zero? But Zero is kinda sucky for any kind of math, so I say .1 is close enough to zero. if you’re not willing to give it 1/9, then give it .5/9. or .1/9, hehehehe.

You are more likely to Fall In Love when you are Young. So Get “Married” Young. This is because both you are not too cynical and jaded; AND you look better; AND the women your age look better; AND the women are less used-up. All these contribute to you being more likely to fall in Love more when you are young moreso than when you are old. Frequency/Rate of.  ANd as you get older, you will still want the younger women (FACT!) but it will be harder to pull them unless you are real fit, which is harder to keep fit the older you get.

DON’T WASTE YOUR YOUTH. hehehe. that could be the main theme of this whole blog.

and so what if you did. like i did. that’s a big part of why you’re a loser now, now that your youth is gone.

uhhhhh get in shape by walking 5 miles a day and sow your wild oats, not gonna be finding a marriageable wimmin any time soon, hahahaha. well if you do you do, but being in good shape can only help you, it can NEVER hurt you. and then all you gotta do is get a fulltime upper working class job, plus if you are in good shape, you WILL be more hireable too.

may 12 monday.

when you see a job you might like to have (like department of public works “equipment operator”) but you don’t know how to do the “technical skillz”, but the job doesn’t call for a masterz degree, and it actually lists a wage (90% of postings dont!!!!) that you think you would be deserving of, well then apply for the job ANYWAY, lie as much as you can to get the job, then come in early to train yourself off the clock. then in a few months you will be an expert and have a sweet chill union city gummint job.

ok. big plan today is to leave the house and get some shoes that are good for “long distance walking.” at a good price. i mean i usually wear out these shoes in under a year. totally worn out, the tread all worn down to the point where there are HOLES in the bottom, etc. either that means i am walking way above average, which you’d think would lead to mah belly not being so big, or I regularly buy bad shoes.

how about u?


taking a new tack with muh settlers game, to NOT “get creative” in focusing my military production, and just following the instructions of “the tutorial” ie the main quests. ie building an ironsmith, tearing down an “Extra” stable, possibly tearing down an “extra” brewery, and just having a real balanced and diversified military force. my more stable production across all sectors implies that this has been a good move.

the game is very “addicting” and it can be best to just close the browser tab quickly rather than force yourself to log out properly, cuz you can get really sucked in.

3.02pm. ok got the shoes. done. went to DSW which I never do. scared. conquered the fear.wav. it wasn’t bad. specifically looking for RUNNING shoes build for the UNDERPRONATOR, ie, you wear out the outside of the shoes quicker and need more reinforcement there, because your foot rolls towards the outside. ok. it said on the website which i checked beforehand, whether the shoes were for under or over pronator. but once you got to the store, no way to tell. So I eyeballed the soles and found an attractive shoe for an ok price: the nike “revolution 2” for $53. I said a prayer that I was privileged enough to spend $53 on a pair of running shoes.

they have “walking shoes” but I went for a running shoe because I figured they would last longer becuase they’re built to WITHSTAND 3 times more force and pressure and abuse that The Running Foot inflicts.

they are very lightweight, very very. time will tell if they suck. they felt immediately very comfortable and I knew right away that these were the ones. hopefully they are comfortable on my Underpronating feet.

sh1t. the website says they are best for neutral pronators. f00k it, they look real good and felt real good in the store. i mean they look real good too, can pull some 18 yoz with these. at worst they will wear out just as quickly as my other shoes.

how about u?


may 9 2014

yeah buddies. prob a good time to start the ole job search. i guess the good news is that with my New One Sheeterz ™ I can ace interviews even when I’m nervous as hell, which I always will be. how about u. anyway.

another good thing to squeeze on the one sheeter is: DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM JOB.

The more questions you can squeeze on there the better. make your answers shorter, to squeeze more questions and answers. you can always ramble longer answers at the interview.

f00king settlers game. huge “time burglar” hehehehe. i hate. no i don’t hate, i really don’t hate that much, just get ANNOYED and IRRITATED by a lot. how about u?

heh time to go for 3.2 mile, 65 minute powerwalk in the middle of the day and blatantly say to the world, “I’M UNEMPLOYED! AND UNEMPLOYABLE!!!!” hehehehe.

well i did that, took a shower, this is the perfect time to take a nap like a lazy unemployable loser.

heh. man. the commenters on the av club, and of course the writers, even MORESO the writers because this is their JOB, are horrible. yet i could not stop reading for an hour


on how much they hate the right and how much they love the left. like college f4gg0ts who never grew up. they can’t all be gainfully employed phds, can they?

sat may 10

well this is unexpected, i got an email from a guy from the part of my life/memory i want to erase, trying to persuade me to go to this wedding with him, really selling me on the financial and transportation aspects, which had been kinda the dealbreakers in the first place. also, if i start muh job by that time, there would be no way to take a full week off like he is planning. but if i am laid off at that time, i am inclined to think, why not join him?

it is also signif that this guy is great, classic, i never had any beef or truck with this guy, i do not wish to forget HIM in other words! he is a classic, inspiring guy, and also i am secretly happy he did not become superrich or supersuccessful and he resists getting a Masterz Degree, let alone a PhD or Law degree! how do i know he resists? because he hasn’t gotten one yet! and i sympathize with grad skool resistors and kinda grumble about grad skool “Sellouts”, hehehe.

but yeah i am actually considering this. i mean this guy is great and one of my many regrets is not spending more time with him and less time with others. i wish he were more successful because he is a great guy and deserves to make 300k a year and have his choice of 18 yo qts!

great guy who i really identified with because he, like me, would fall madly in luv with grills and get his hart broken, like myself, a real romantic niceguy. but unlike the fedora niceguy, he had enough social skills to make moves on the grills, he would just ultimately get taken advantage of because he was too nice. to the grills. i didn’t mind him being a niceguy to me! Men appreciate niceness from other Men! anyway i am pretty sure he eventually got his due in terms of sowing wild oats, he’s sowed way moar wild oats than me. but he is not married yet. he could be engaged, I actually dunno. But yeah if a guy were ever the marrying type it would be him. not necess a bad thing! he would be a great hubband and especially father! he just needed to stop being taken advantage of. and i think in the many years of meantime, he did manage to learn that lesson. good for him. i have NOTHING but good things to say about the guy. NOTHING. not one single god damn thing.

ok was thinking going to a Temp Agency might be the BEST OF ALL WORLDS. They find you a job, and if it turns out to be ridic stressful or unbearable or gay, you don’t have to stick with it because it’s a TEMP job and they will find you another. if you really LIKE it, then you can kiss the manager’s A until he comes to like you and then makes the job permanent just for you.

this actually sounds like the best idea for moi. because if the job sucks, then you know it’s only temporary. and then you get experience working in all kinds of places. maybe.

yep. figure out yer priorities in life. like i just want to sow wild oats and bang 18 yos. that might be my main priority. over getting a career, over getting married. yeah definitely. those other things are so much work and so risky and so high commitment. meanwhile wild oats is a can’t lose strategy. CANT LOSE.

so take a look at the SUPPLY CHAIN for wild oats. you need:

Masculinity / Attitude

Good Body

Some Money, A Job, any old job will do.

and that’s about it. which means priorities should be: getting in good shape, and perfecting your alpha attitude. job is lowest on that list. you could get away with lying about it.

isn’t that kind of neat how, in this scheme, banging 18 yo qts has high importance, and having a Great Career has a low importance? isn’t it great how you can bang 18 yo qts and work at fooking WALMART? you gotta focus on having a ripped body though. and the 18 yo gurls will prob be super low prole, never wife quality. well that’s not necess true. In the Final Analysis, Masculine Charisma is more important than Career/Job re pulling wimmin.



june 16

ok the order is gonna get real screwed up bc i have so many posts written in advance. just deal. please.

heh. what is wrong with my mind that i am so fixated on gurl8 AT ALL. there is a world of cute gurls around me right now. but it is prob because she is middle class, and she is tied to my own youth. yep. that “explains” it. but still it would be a nice thing to erase from the mind. get me mah ect. erase that sh1t.

it is great to have hobbies. i am going to start reading my politically incorrect racist stuff again simply because it was a legit hobby for me to keep my mind off stupid sh1t which i want to erase from my mind. so i will get back into the racist stuff not because i hate or want to genocide other races, but because it is a legit area of interest for me, and can help me refine my own arguments, because some of these writers and thinkers are pretty smart. and non hateful. nonviolent.

stories. workin on yer stories yet? funny stories are one of the best magic bullets there is. they show you are an interesting person, that you have a sense of humor, AND you can work an entire group of people and get them on your side, for fun, profit, and tail.

most of the fun stories i heard recently had to do with guys and girls at parties, or “hooking up”, or perhaps DUI type stuff, or fights, or general drama, big happenings.

which is why it’s good just to make out with ugly drunk girls…….just so you can get some story material. you don’t need to marry the gurl, indeed, i’d recommend you don’t.

i read something somewhere today that nietzsche only had sechs ONCE in his life, and it was with a hooker to deliberately give himself syphilis. Now I knew he eventually got syphilis, but I didn’t know about any of that other stuff. not sure if i believe it. but THAT’s an intense story!



so the decadent modern world has ruined modern women so that fewer of them are marriageable than ever before. so it is kind of amazing that i have fallen in true luv with a staggering 8 of them. such a high number!

so the way to adapt to it is to say, welp, so no women are marriageable, so we sow wild oats whole life long and never get married. heheheheh i wouldn’t be complaining so much if i could figure out how to do that. hehehe speaks to your level of betaness: never before in the history of the world has sex been easier to get…….yet here you are a kissless virgin and can’t get ANY. does not bode well, hehehehe.

well, hanging out with cute bangable young gurls is half the battle. then just get them tipsy and try to be funny, charming, not weird, not creepy. don’t drink so much so you are in total control. warning: it is probably technically RAEP if the gurl is drunk, because drunk girls cannot give true consent.

if you do not drink, make more of an effort to force yourself into situations where people are drinking and partying. for example i rarely get invited to the bar because i don’t drink, AND i have never expressed interest in going to the bar. but if I did then I would prob get invited to the bar more.

anyway. if so many gurls are unmarryable, then why are so many of them getting married?

because guys are desperate and don’t recognize their OWN value, and marry women they shouldn’t! when they should be continuing to develop their game and Sow Wild Oats!

or maybe they’re tired of wild oats and are desperate to Settle Down, even with someone who doesn’t deserve them!

although i can assure you i am not tired of wild oats, because I’ve hardly gotten any. like 1% at best.

so i am actually planning to go to the strip club. if i find a real good gurl i will ax her if she is available for 30 minutes for….around 300 bucks.  and i aint talking about a 30 minute dance.

because there’s really only one or two gurls on backpage that look doable.

but these are human beings being forced into a degrading job by the oppressive white man and capitalists…..

well, they could just be waitresses instead, and i’m not disputing that they’re human beings!

heh. all this is basically me trying to find the next girl8, or girl9 if you will, in my gurlless working class area, rather than trying to get a job in a middle class area where there are more wimmin. still not the type of wimmin you marry!

see how 80% of this writing is about gurls and wimmin and bla bla bla. i hypothesize that if i were to get some wild oats action, it would clear my mind to think about and do more important money-making things. instead of gurls gurls gurls all day!!!!!

it’s really counterproductive because gurls aren’t that important and even sechs with gurls is not that important; building a good life for yourself and your family IS.

but that does beg the question: in order to start your own family, ie, have children, you need to pick women to mate with, and you don’t want to pick a sh1tty mate because to have the best family, you need a good father and good mother, and also you don’t want to dump your precious seed in any old cvmbucket.

which is bretty ironic given the view of sperm as cheap and eggs as 900000000000 times more expensive.


june 16

yep the order here is going to get ALL f00ked up. just warning ya.

so here i am with some pretty serious issues in my life, namely it is going nowhere, and i spend all my time thinking about Gurl8. well at least lately!!!! and gurls in general.

maybe that is my higher power saying i HAVE to take action on this gurl issue, before i can do ANYTHING else.

ok so i looked up planet fitness prices. yeah its $10 a month, BUT you can only go to one of em; AND there is a $50 “activation” fee; AND there is a $30 Annual Fee.

because i was thinking about starting that now because it is gonna be raining for the next 10 days and that will impact muh powerwalking.

so, lets say 1 year. that is 200 / 12 basically. or 16.67 a month. yeah i guess i would still pay that.

ok i got to call the docker. i am trying to get an appt on friday afternoon. now it is monday 3.41pm.

i hate making phone calls. better to do it fast, rip the bandaid off.

ok. rather than pay 80 bucks for an office visit, i am going to have the bharmacy contact the doc to get a refill on the paxil rx. attempt to. he may say no, he wants me to come in. THEN i shall pay the 80 bucks AND make a strong case for the tricyclic, the benzo, AND the buspar. maybe some lithium too.

generics on all. if the rx’s cost too much, don’t get them filled. but just to have the rx ready to go would be good.

and i really don’t hate the doc, i’ve known him since i was a little kid, plus 80$ for an office visit is cheap.

heh. i should ask if he is willing to prescribe medical marihuana. why not. i mean. come on.

ok. i am seriously thinking about sending girl8 a message. i would briefly mention our mutual friend who she was in luv with, as a way to peak her interest. i would start out trying to hang out with her once every 2 or 3 or 1 months. perhaps meeting up occasionally in the big city that is sort of between us.

if we hit it off, we can go to a hotel room for sechs. i would say lets keep this open baybay, i’m an in demand guy. then if it turned out she was in luv with me like i was in luv with her, after having sweet sechs more than 1000 times, then i can start thinking about restructuring mah life to get closer to her.

only problem is she’s not super young, and i want 3 to 5 kids, and I would have to start on those SOON with her because she’s not 18 anymore. she may damn well be 30.

which is encouraging that i can even have any feelingz for a woman that old! but again that’s because I met her when she was young. when i was young too.

what would i say in the first message?

“hi girl8,

wat up doe. just wanted to drop a line and say hi and see how you were doing, i was thinking of u recently. I recently saw our mutual friend Name and we really reconnected well. We were talking about the good old days and I mentioned that I always was fond of You and then he mentioned, to my surprise, that you and him also know each other. anyway i plan on visiting the area more and hanging out with people in the area, and I would def like to meet up with You too. I always thought you were cool and I did not hang out with you enough back in the day! maybe we can fix that. if you are not interested, no big deal. however if you are ever in The Big City and want to catch a show or movie or game or dinner that would be sweet! let me know! take care, UFMLL”

and it wuold be as simple as that. just to get the ball rolling. obviously i would not tell her she is the Final Gulr I will ever be In True Luv with in my life, that I want to get married to her and grow old together, AND have FIVE babies with her.

sometime recently i began telling people i wanted not just three children, but FIVE.

but yeah i don’t ever recall her treating me like i was a lesser beta who was not worthy of being in her presence. ie not a total b1tch to me.

i really should have capitalized, but again, i was simply distracted by girls 2, 3, 4, and possibly 5 at that time. AND a bunch of life stuff as well. drinking too much, etc. don’t drink until you’re 25! don’t smoke wiid until you’re 25!!!!! or it will ruin your life!

heh. i have some psych problem or emo problem and I don’t what it is. Depression? bipolar? borderline? avoidant? narcissism? axis 2 ? or just garden variety weakness and laziness? hehehee.

for years i’ve always assumed it’s just depression but what if it’s more than that????

although it really probably is just garden variety depression, anxiety, and laziness. no need to overthink or overcomplicate it!

5:55 pm mon june 16 2014: i just received an email from my Employer saying I should re apply at this website and then they would call me.  rut roh, looks like i might get muh job back and start makin monay!!!!

super in depth interview w tucker max w forbes mag in early 2012


about how he was turning over a new leaf and discovering himself in psychoanalysis, and how the nerdy author related to all this, being a huge beta male kissless virgin, and max reflecting on his desire to become a husband and father, etc. i say good for max, and at least he was able to sow his wild oats. with a vengeance!!!!