I DONT WANT A PRESIDENT WHO DOESNT USE VULGAR LANGUAGE TO TALK ABOUT WOMEN

oct 5 2016

sheeeeeeit.

ok. got up and prepared for day like responsible man: shower, shave, breakfast, brush and floss, tied tie, now i am just waiting until i leave in 53 minutes to drive to interview starting at 2pm.

tell them at interview today that if it get the job at the “bank” uhhhh i have to take it. that is the one with int on upcoming tues that i am all excited about hehe. i mean it is a patently better job, better pay, prob better benefits, closer, i’d be an idiot not to. any non-failing business would agree with me hehehe.

leave for interview in 13 minutes. all dressed up atm. ready to go. try not to diaerrhoea.

shirt is def too big. pants are….not too small but they are “slim fit” unfort, so they will ALWAYS feel a little weird. i honestly could not find an ok looking blue suit that was not slim fit. it was the price i had to pay.

yeah just the idea that you need 100% accuracy and no errors, the job is, this NEEDS to be PERFECT, not 99.9%, but 100%, every time, your job is to make sure its PERFECT. ok i get that. but what i dont get is that asking a more experienced person to SIGN OFF on this is considered time wasting and hand holding and youre fired. NO. it should be Best Practices and Standard Operating Procedure to have a “Team Lead” Sign Off on your work.

oh golly gee i dont know what im doing but i hope its right because our paying client needs this airplane door to be 100% or else it will fly off at 140000 feet and 500 passengers will get sucked out the door to their deaths hahahaha.

or this bridge will fall apart and 1000 people will die and its on YOUR hands, lowly level 1 guy, not the Master Engineer who YOU thought “should” “sign off” on such an important project. no hes got better things to do like get drunk at lunch and look at Prep The Bull and Trap Porn on his work computer and make 4 times as much as you.

later

welp did my interview. it was kinda ridiculous but not in a horrible way. mainly the guy double booked his interviews for 2 people at the same time, there was a white man also dressed in a nice suit, but he seemed about 5 years older than me.  but healthy and regenerate looking hahaha. very healthy weight. anyway this other manager decided he would essentially do the interview with me, so i started talking to him, he was an all right guy, but then it was like ok lets see if the original manager is ready to talk to you now. so i ultimately talked to TWO managers one after the other and the whole thing took like 1 hour 40 minutes. thankfully both guys were nice and the company and job actually seemed all right EXCEPT there is a kind of sales/incentive pay structure, but there is a damn 13 week training program and starting at 17 dollars an hour at that time, so…..thats pretty good. the guy said the guys here were very “BLUE COLLAR” and i said thats great, I come from a blue collar family and have a Thick Skin to handle Bantz and F-Bombs hahahahaha.

i said all the right marketing bullshit about the companys culture and values and bla bla bla.

there were some times when i stumbled and sounded like an autist, similarly to how i did yesterday, but just like the person yesterday, they didnt jump on me for it or even seem to care. so i spilled the spaghetti a couple times, NO BIG DEAL. and that is ultimately pretty encouraging.

there was a sales office right there and they are hiring sales people too. i said my background was more geared towards Service Technician than Sales per se, although I DO have very good Communication and People skills and like to Educate people hahhahahahahaha.

but they also emphasized they are an Ethical company and do not try to sell people things they dont need. Which could be BS, but I said, Good, because I’m a very ethical guy and I wouldn’t want to sell people things they really don’t need. which is NOT BS!!!!!!!

well i have been so busy interviewing i missed the deadline for a few jobs to apply hehe. have to keep a PIPELINE going hahahahahahaha.

one thing i did like about the job today was that they had a lot of training. a LOT of training. 13 weeks. they said a lot of guys were confident at 8 weeks and said let me get out there, the the company wanted to err on the side of caution. and make sure people passed tests and got certified for jobs where certification was not Legally Mandatory.

now they could just be bullshitting to sell the job to me…..but its pretty good bullshit! shit yeah tell me more about how you make sure your people are fully trained.

since it does get into incentive based shit after training, i asked if any of the people really struggled with that. the manager said everyone is doing well and reaching goals. and these are salty technicians and not born smooth talking salesmen.

anyway i hate the idea that a woman will dump you as soon as you stop showing strength. that she can need you but GOD FORBID you ever need HER. is this really the way women are and i just have to accept it? I accept that men are stronger emotionally and physically and mentally than women and that men have to do MOST of the work……but I don’t think women cant be capable of doing any work at all. so you have to support her always, and she supports you NEVER? thats fookin gay.

yeah well she never gave up and walked out when her longterm boifran was freezing HER out. but im not sure he was being “WEAK” though. he was being strong but silent hahahaha. well, he might not have been being “STRONG” but he wasnt being WEAK either. he was jsut distant and cold and stubborn. but she made a real effort with him at least.

so yeah she was capable. jsut not with me. because i was weak hahahaha.

i just HATE the idea that you have to be PERFECT or else they LEAVE.

but thats clearly not true! her BF wasnt perfect and she gave him MORE than a fair chance! many women stay with men who are VERY not perfect!

yeah but these men present as strong, and not at all as weak. they dont get nervous or anxious. they might get ANGRY at the women always wanting to TALK and DO STUFF and FIX stuff. but the men are not freaking out like a hysterical WOMAN.

oct 6

 

classic album here, if you dont like this album, gtfo. train your 3dpd fat slob to like this album as you bang her hahahahaha.

as a lifelong fan of srs metal, i have learned the important and mature lesson than women who like metal = crazy = bad (im talking about like serious fans of black or death metal, not they like a few random hit metal songs by metallica or pantera or slayer or motorhead or iron maiden or something, that should be fine).

but yeah a woman that likes the CURE, i would still be pretty impressed by that. even though im old enough to KNOW BETTER about being IMPRESSED by a womans MUSICAL TASTE. its a traaaappp.

i dont even think robert smith is as big a degenerate as most musicians, well, assuming from the fact that he’s been married to the same woman for like 40 years.

never saw the cure live and they are one of the few on muh live concert bucket list. note to self, if i have feelings for a woman, do NOT take that woman to the cure concert, because i wont be able to remember that as a good memory when she dumps me and breaks my heart hahaha. go with a male friend or alone.

yeah hard to go wrong with the cure. it is smooth and chill, and beautiful, and melodic, romantic, catchy, and also sad and emo, and spine chilling, and this album is probably their best moment. the Lush Beauty of “pictures of you” to the super catchy hard rocking of “fascination street” and of course their biggest hit “lovesong” which is a great song. i mean its impossible not to like and RESPECT this album. for any fan of music. if you dislike this album YOUR JUST STUPID.

yeah i guess if youre a total hipster you could say its too mainstream and overplayed. its def mainstream but is it REALLY overplayed? are these REALLY boring songs? these are timeless, classic songs that are played a lot for a REASON.

it IS a little LONG though at 63 minutes, where 40 minutes is the ideal album length.

working class men on Worksites listen to MUSIC all day as they do their hard work. i think this is very significant and worth some thought. if you are listening to music, it is harder to PANIC and be ANXIOUS and NERVOUS, and ALSO it means you are CONSTANTLY TALKING and thinking on your feet to come up with Bullshit Explanations for both your supervisors and your customers. that is EXHAUSTING. its like CAMPAIGNING for president and you have to talk and bullshit all day. i could NEVER do that, i dont know where trump gets his ENERGY, but its safe to say he’s always been that way, and some people just ARE.

heheh i forgot about the 311 cover of lovesong. that is tbh pretty darn good fam hahahaha. pretty secsy for blowing out your bitches asshole hahahahaha. because they LIKE being treated like Jooish Pornographic Filth. Absolutely Disgusting. BELIEVE ME, I would rather treat them as Fragile Flowers, because I HATE Jooish Pornographic Filth. Hate that Disgusting SHit that has RUINED Women And Men. words cannot describe the HATE. i dont hate nonwhites, i might not even hate joos, but by god i HATE the disgusting filth that joos have created! I hate the evil they have done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

funny that the cure has an album called “pornography.” as an old man, this to me is AWESOME because that is an INCREDIBLY dark, despairing, nihilistic album, and I think this terrible feel perfectly captures the actual real essence of pornography. it is not secsy or hot and all. it is empty and despairing and nihilistic and soulless and horrible. i’m not sure if thats what robert (first name basis hahahaha) was getting at, but i like to think he was hahahahaha.

and yeah “pictures of you” is a CLASSIC FOR A REASON!!!!! and perfectly captures Lost Love and Heartbreak and Regret and embodies what i have felt for the past 14 months hahahahahahaha. thankfully i can enjoy the song on its own merits as a way to express a personal emotion that was unshared with her, hahahaha. meaning, im glad i never cuddled or buttfooked her while listening to THE CURE or this album, because then it would actually REMIND me of her, rather than help me Get Over Muh Emotions ABOUT her. in other words, the cure is MY thing and not HER thing, definitely not OUR thing. well she probably likes a few cure songs but we never shared any cure moments, thank god.

NEVER share things with women hahahahaha cuz then you cant enjoy your favorite music and movies when they break your heart and leave you. THEY WILL RUIN YOUR FAVORITE THINGS FOR YOU. i mean thank god i can still listen to neil young, but it took a while! TOO LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah i mean you get over it, but it sucked that i couldnt even listen to one of muh favorite music guys for months!!!!!!!!!!!!

want to get out of house before noon today (oh god that sounds so lazy and negrish!!!!!!) and do some errands

also prep for autist aba job interview tommorow

AND apply for 3 jobs because i think about 3 decent jobs are gonna “expire” by tommorow

AND get good powerwalk

AND get 14 pushups

AND eat less than 1200 calories because i went like EIGHT HUNDRED OVER yesterday, oy vey.

uhhhh 14 pushups is a good baby step, but all together that is a lot of baby steps hahahaha.

ok went to store

ok called the interview place and stalked the woman who will be interviewing me, she was supposed to email me 2 days ago but it never went thru because she typed my hard to spell email wrong.

i called her and aksed for her hard to spell email and successfully sent a message to her hahahaha. thankfully she does not have a masters degree and seems like a nice person from the stalking i did.

ok got the shit printed out, hehhehe if you have to print out 10 pages of shit for every interview, thats 250 pages hahahaha. i have already bought 2 black ink cartridges and am burning thru the 3rd one pretty quickly. so stupid.

not going to get a ton of sleep tonight, might blank out and do a gary johnson aleppo moment tomorrow. that really looks bad. well if he can get to be governor, i can get a 12 dollar an hour autism technician job.

uhhhh applied to 2 jobs today but not 3. prepared my info sheet for tomorrow.

this org clearly has a problem with people not sticking around. prob because they quickly find better paying jobs. and they cant afford to pay them more because they are a nonprofit org. so they are angry about people getting valuable autism training and then leaving before 10 months. but i……

i dunno i just hate being in a job and saying OH GOD HOW AM I GONNA DO THIS I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING I CANT HANDLE THIS JOB OH GOD WHAT DO I DO OH GOD THIS IS RIDICULOUS WHY DID THEY GIVE ME THIS JOB OH YEAH BECAUSE THEY CANT FIND PEOPLE WHO WILL PUT UP WITH THIS SHIT FOR MORE THAN A FEW DAYS WITHOUT QUITTING!!!! WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO HERE WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO THESE PEOPLE TELL ME WHAT TO DO PLEEEEASE TELL ME WHAT TO SAY TO THEM I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOOOOOOOOOOOING HOW CAN YOU PUT ME OUT HERE IN FRONT OF THESE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i also worry that the “workplace safety” job will do regular drug tests because you drive a company van. oh god i cant drive a large van!!!!!!! what if the van breaks down!!!!!!

i think this autism job would be more fun and i would enjoy it more and also be able to SURVIVE and WITHSTAND it better, because it is part time and because it is sort of in muh wheelhouse. well i am more conflicting about wanting the autism job vs the safety job, however in the autism vs the bank job, i def want the bank job!!!!!

hehehehe this is assuming i get offers from both jobs in these situations. VERY big assumptions!!!!!

does that mean i had a good feeling abotu the saftey job? kind of!

and i have kinda a good feeling about getting the autism job.

REALLY? I have been REJECTED for ELEVEN dollar an hour part time jobs recently, what reason do i have to be optimistic about a TWELVE DAH PT job? hahahahaha. well because my degree actually relates to this job, sort of, where it doesnt relate to “office administrative assistant” job. which is stupid. i mean the better degree for that would be business. even if i have 30 credits of business classes. doesnt matter i guess hahaha.

shit they might reject me because ive never worked with CHILDREN before. let alone autist children haha.

i wish you could negotiate training wages. meaning i would gladly accept minimum wage for the first month or however long it took for me to be rejected from the other 2 jobs i am in contention for. so if i got one of those jobs, the autism place wouldnt lose too much money training me. cuz its a decent org and i might want to reapply with them in a few years. for one of their FT jobs that dont exist, yeah sure hahahaha.

oct 7 firday

752 AM

up real early today, like a real working man, currently dressed up and ready to go to interview, did not prep so well. as predicted, did not sleep well. well i was up thinking until like 130 am. thankfully i did fall asleep and I was in the middle of an interesting dream that i was scheduled to be part of the death panel on the next daily shoah with k1ke enoch and “sven” and i was like iii dunno guys, what the hell am I gonna be able to add to this, im gonna sound like an idiot, but im honored you asked me, i really like TRS hahahahaha. this is probably muh first TRS related DREAM hahahahaha. much better than having dreams about you know WHO hahaha.

ok. like i say, its a tough call between autism job vs safety job. for a normie, no its not, the safety job BTFOs the autism because it pays more, more hours, FT, established company, health care, bennies etc.

12 pm

welp did the interview, sent thank you note, recorded it as 95 minutes. spent an hour in there, but onyl about 30 minutes talking to them, and like 20 minutes filling out a damn application by hand which was basically a copy of all the shit i already gave them. i will never understand these stupid hiring policies. filling out shit by hand. unbelievable. told them about muh desire for FT. they were very understanding. talked to a Masters Level Psychologist who is about 7 years younger than me, oy vey hahahahaha.

there might be young 3 year old children biting and smacking and pooping their pants and i have to put diapers on them. i think i would rather do this than answer phone calls hahahahaha.

i dont fookin know man i just want a job where i can get help if i need it and i am not constantly needing it and not constantly fighting and struggling to survive every day. good god. the type of exhausting, nervous struggle where you feel like you need to chug Whiskey straight from the bottle at the end of every day.

hehehe normal life is at least 2 to 3 times HARDER for me than for normies. not that normies have it easy! but the basics of Holding Down a Job and Banging A Bitch, those are at LEAST 3 times harder for me. lots of fear and failure hehehehe. lots of time wasted. lots of not getting anywhere.

on the degen show “better things” which im not sure why i am watching, well because i want to see a degen single mother raising degen girls, its really all about degen women, and is kinda like “GIRLS” in that regard. no husbands or fathers, mothers a whore, her oldest daughter is 16 and beautiful and is becoming a whore, the middle daughter is an autistic ocd 13 year old lesbian, so i guess all that is enough to sell me.

recent episode focused on the 16 year old daughter worried about her future, going to college and all that, what am i gonna do with my life, her high school guidance counselor says no ivy league for you, you shoulda started prepping for that a few years ago, might not have the grades for a good state shool, have you thought about community college?

now the red pill is that community college is awesome but it DOES have a reputation as for underachieving losers, so when you’re in high school, you shudder at the thought. then when 10 years later youre still a huge loser, you think, welp, i have been humbled, time to go to CC now that real University did not work out.

anyway the girl is very anxious and despairing and I totally related and found this storyline very compelling. i guess she smokes MJ and does not get 4.0 grades. dont know if she is a huge horrible slut. PROBABLY, knowing this degen show.

because they show the girl sitting with her degen mom and the degen moms friends all sitting around drinking and talking about ABORTIONS, like how many abotions you got, tell the story of that abortion, and i was like, they are trying WAY too hard to make this show edgy, and what EXACTLY are they trying to say? they were clearly trying to be provocative by having such a “FRANK” discussion of abortions while CHILDREN were amongst them, as if to say, this is NORMAL, this is not a big deal, we all have abortions, and you’ll get abortions too, its just a fact of life, rite of passage for a woman, dont be ashamed of this, its good to be pro choice, and if you get knocked up when you are having fun with Secsy Boys, you can and should totes get an abortion too.

so i felt sympathy for this poor girl just about to become a Woman, and that she was so FOOKED because her mother is such a damn baby murdering degenerate. so the beautiful 16 year old gurl is gonna become a slut REAL soon if she isnt already, prob lose V to badboi, then quickly start riding C carousel, throwing a bunch of betabois away, probably start cheating, not take secs seriously, not take human life seriously, the way she THROWS LIVES AWAY, develop 10000 C stare, never be able to have a serious rel with a man, just like her crazy whore mother who cant love a man either.  but is this “beautifully flawed” woman trying to raise 3 young daughters as a Single Working Mom who is very open about Secs and Abortions and Being Tuff and You Do You Grrrrrl.

and its NORMAL to be a slut and cheat and break hearts and throw people away and get abortions, sex is FUN FIRST and if you get preggers, no big deal, get an abortion, WEVE ALL DONE IT. and sometimes you just wanna get fooked, and if the guy is a sensitive virgin type an gets feelings, AW, TOO BAD SO SAD, its ok to Dump and Ghost him because you just wanted to Get Off.

and we are beautiful in our flaws and we are gonna be as flawed as possible.

and i like the show for confronting Real Shit, but i hate it for taking the wrong opinion on this shit. while at the same time having some good and sympathetic characters. i mean i dont even really hate the mom. but i should.

to make her daughter feel better, the mother took her to the store and made her dress in a Ladies Business Suit, and said there you are, you look just like those successful peopel who have their shit together, youre no different than them. it was actually sort of touching even though she should not be so worried about career and shit. she should have a good father who helps her find a good husband.

i mean the show could have pushed more Red Pills about You Dont Have To Go To College. Go To Trade School or Community College or Military.

so they talk to a bank teller and mom says do you have any college, teller says no just a GED and i started this job at age 22 and im 25 now.

this could have opened a real good conversation but they just left it there.

so do you portray the bank teller as a failure because they didnt go to college? no not at all, which i liked.

i would have liked more if they had a 30 year old with a masters degree living with his family because he is still trying to pay back 200k in student loans hahahaha and he’s done, he’s finished, given up on life, i’ll never get anyway, i wish i could have a family but i’ll never afford it, and i havent dated a woman in over 5 years hahahahaha. that would have been some great black pill shit.

basically, college educated 30 year olds who cant afford to move out hahahaha because they are only making 12 dollars an hour and are 80k in debt for useless college hahahaha.

tfw when you see a picture of FENRIZ when he was very young, like 20 or 21 or so, and realize he sort of reminds you of THAT WOMAN.

I was completely in luv and wanted to marry and have babies and spend muh life with and was devastated heartbroken for 15 months over a woman who looks like FENRIZ.

fenriz is currently 44 years old as is nocturno culto. culto has 2 children a son and a daughter. i do not think fenriz has any children. not sure how old cultos children are. i hope he is a good father to them.

but yeah there are like 2 pictures of 20 year old fenriz where he kinda looks like That Woman. so weird. i told you she was kidna weird looking hahahahaha. but like fenriz, she had nice long dark hair.

so darkthrone was offered 200k USD to play a festival for one show and they REFUSED. hell yes that shows some serious “INTEGRITY” but at the same time i have to think, you’d have to be stupid to turn that down!

Should a man with CHILDREN turn down 200k for 1 day of work just because of his artistic integrity?

basically I give them a PASS, and I think its kinda STUPID for a man with a FAMILY to turn that money down. even if you dont have a family, you still need money. maybe fenriz has bastard children he needs to pay child support. (speculation). maybe fenriz wants to take care of his aging parents. TAKE THE FOOKIN MONEY GUIZE.

heh. most people just like the music and dont really care about the people behind it.

I dont really care for the music and i am MORE interested in the PEOPLE behind it hahahaha.

i mean the story of these guys lives is WAY more interesting than listening to “plaguewielder” or “the cult is alive” hehehehehehehehe.

i say this because i am sort of excited about darkthrone again due to their brand new album which I am going to listen to today on powerwalk hehehe.

did 3.2 mile, 1 hour powerwalk, my normal walking pace is 3.2 mph and i am happy with that.

listened to new darkthrone album. it has great sound/production and is perfect length and it is not all ridiculous, but uhhh i was hoping it would be a little…..better hehehehe. i mean its no panzerfaust. i mean you can tell they are both enjoying themselves, theyre not just going through the motions, so i think a large part of the prob is me simply not being able to appreciate “new” music.

its hard to get the interest of women when you MAKE LESS THAN THEM. of course im talking about money. basically the only people that I make MORE than are total white trash and negroes hahahahaha. at least when i was making 30k, i was then good enough to pull white trash waitresses and such hahahahaha. and that was the best money i ever made in my life! when i was making like 12k a year, i was staying sane but what the HELL can you do on 12k a year? cant live, cant have a family, cant do anything. cant have a serious rel with a woman. i guess you could bang sluts because you sure arent gonna KEEP any women making only 12k!

wow she dumped him SUPER BAD, super insult to injury there. why do people do this? why do you HAVE to add insult to injury? i mean if i were this guy i would be devastated, my confidence would be CRUSHED for at least 15 months hahahahaha. this type of thing will DESTROY a guys confidence for a LONG time.

also when someone throws you away, people advise you, they dont know what they had, in 2 months they will miss you and be begging for you back. dont take them back. be better than that. they took you for granted the first time. dont give them that second chance.

and that def never happened here. she left me and NEVER looked back. feels bad man! that might even be worse. i wuld def forgive and take her back once. and if she pulled the same shit twice (like they often do) then i would kick her ass out (probably not hahahahaha). but she didnt even come back.

but i am doing my interviews so thats as good as i can ask. i have done about 36 hours of interviews roughly. i guess it would make sense to do 40 hours of interviews. maybe what the lord is teaching me is how to get good at interviews. thats the lesson for this 15 months of pain. how to do interviews. sheeeeeeeeeeeeit.

but if i dont have an interview for a week, then i feel like i lose all those gains. and i need to have at least 2 or 3 interviews a week to get better. kinda like lifting hehehehe.

heh 330 pm and could totes take a nap. cuz i got up at 615am and did not fall asleep till 1 am.

 

super lengthy autistic post but an in depth picture of someone who actually DOES go to a shrink, and both people are willing to go to shrink, and it doesnt really improve things hehehehe. she still blames him.

but yeah he does seem too damn autistic and that is probably a problem.

also yeah she probably IS “depressed” but she should get that diagnosed well before 28. I sure did! because i was trying to improve myself so i could live a normal life with a job and a GF one day.

and good on this guy for improving himself from a fat virgin to an in shape, masters degree, successful, hardworking, guy with a GF. but he is still anal and autistic in a way that will hurt the rel, just as she hurts the rel with her “depression” and lack of interest and effort.

this album is regarded as DT coming back from a perhaps 3-album slump from 1996 to 2003 hahaha. fenriz said he was very derpressed and i guess was feeling better by the time of this album. and he was thankful to culto for essentially keeping the band alive during that time.

anyway i remember i actually bought the “plaguewielder” cd (used) back when cds were still a thing. i was like uhhhh this is not the greatest. and that was pretty much the end of darkthrone for me hahahaha and i never gave “hate them” a chance. i did give “sardonic wrath” a try and actually kinda liked that one. that came out following hate them.

anyway just trying to say i prefer this kind of vocal from culto. the hateful trve black metal vocal rather than the more i guess celtic frost vocal he’s doing now. which is not bad mind you, but the older vocal is better.

i mean there is no competition hehehe. however “boring” darkthrone may be, culto gives a Master Class in how to do good vocals.

62.9% labor force participation rate? that cant be good, unless labor force counts super old and super young people….which it probably shouldnt! and honestly i dont think it does. labor force is work age people. like 18 to 65 or whatever.

oh you know what i am not even gonna shit on plaguewielder anymore. it has shitty artwork but it sounds pretty similar to hate them with the riffage and sick vocals. also culto thanks tom waits on his short list of inspirations and shoutouts. in 2001 before i even knew who tom waits was unfortuantely. did not discover waits until 2003 or 4 at the latest.

also there are “blast beats” on these albums where i haven’t heard them on the newer albums. come on. you gotta have that.

trump scandal of him using “vulgar language about women.”

I DONT WANT A PRESIDENT WHO DOESNT USE VULGAR LANGUAGE TO TALK ABOUT WOMEN!!!!

crude comments in 2005 interview about tits and pussy and whatever. who cares.

well, i kinda care if he is cheating on his wife, but not sure if he was married to her by then.

cuz its not cool to cheat on your wife but he has dealt with his fair share of gold diggers so.

i mean this is fooking stupid and i hope it doesnt COST HIM the election just because WOMEN will be so butthurt. and women shouldnt even be able to vote hehehehehe. but people have short memories too.

even the circle wagons album does not sound BAD. it is quite rocking as a matter of fact.

lesson: even the “worst” darkthrone albums are pretty good.

i would have preffered that he make super racist comments about mudslims or blacks or especially joos. that would be SWEET. BUT, that definitely would have killed his chances 100%, and that would NOT be good.

i like that he didnt apologize THAT much. hes not begging for forgiveness, and kinda saying this is not a big deal. cuz its really not. but i really dont know how real women will take it. i know that msnbc is up in arms hahahaha.

why not criticize the hollywood host billy bush for being an enthusiastic participant in the conversation.

QUOTE

It’s foolish to take the Blackpill with regards to women. It makes you settle for low quality sluts and degenerates. Do you want them to be the mother of your children?

I was in a bad place in 2011. I was dating a used-up slut whom I had nothing in common with. I was struggling to finish school and leave the comfy world of NEETdom. I had gotten into reading ‘The Red Pill’ and that middle eastern rapist Roosh, and my opinion of women was extremely low. Thus, my expectations from women were low.

This girl was a degenerate waste. She was pretty enough, but was a complete slob, and nearing the end of her 20s. I knew she had dated around, but the extent of the rot was what really got to me. The day I left her was when I attended a ‘party’ with some of her friends, only to discover she had f00cked literally 8 of the men at the party. Her total number was somewhere around 35ish men. One of which included a ni99er. Disgusting. I drove off, deleted her from Facebook and Skype, and washed my hands of her.

I was lucky to get out of that mess with no STIs. I pulled myself out of this depression and blackpill by lifting and travelling, and completely tossed out the ReturnOfKangz/rOOSH shit. Some of the techniques are useful, and yes, 90% of women are somewhere on the whore spectrum, but 10% of girls is still a HUGE amount of people.

On one of my trips, after a year of lifting and healthy eating, I met a complete QT3.14, 10/10. She was introverted, shy, but extremely moral. She was 6 years younger than me, intelligent, had a similar genetic background, and was a fucking virgin.

Married her 2 years into the relationship and it has only gotten better.

Lift, have confidence in your self, resist the blackpill, and you will find extremely high quality women waiting for you to wife them. Let the f4ggot numales clean up the algae of used up whores. WILL TO POWER BRAH

END

i am risking getting banned for posting private forum material here, but uhhhh i wont say what forum i got it from, nor who said it, but i am trying to share an awesome WHITE PILL here: a neetish man was dating a dirty slut, then he turned his life around and married a nice virgin waifu. GOOD FOR HIM. this is EXACTLY the stuff I need to read a LOT more of…..but i’m not finding a lot of it. not enough.

nyquil and coffee combination hehehe. again went way over calorie limit. soooooo easy to eat over 1200 cals.

yeah why shouldnt i link this already.

this and TH are muh fav DT albums. and this one is more “fun.” not sure why the vocals are considered controversial. i think they are great although perhaps mixed a little loudly. the riffs, songwriting, and production are all top of the line, and there is a ton of nostalgia with this album, as it was a big part of muh adolescence at age 18 or so. this is a pretty kewl album to have as your theme music at age 18 hahahahahahahaha.

“quintessence”, come on. probably the darkthrone stairway to heaven right there.

but yeah. a lot of people are interested in things they dont really participate in. politics, professional sports, tv shows, religion. but no one is interested in “relationships” as like a main interest they way I am, apart from WOMEN who are always GOSSIPING. I truly do like to gossip, but I like even more to study and understand the relationships.

its like watching from the sidelines and commenting but never participating. but thats the thing: is that normies DO participate, quite regularly, and dont really comment on it at the same level as I do, just gossip, say whos fooking who, whos dumping who.

and even people who are obsessed with sportsball and watch pro sportsball but are too fat and soft to actually play pro sportsball still often play amateur sportsball or fantasy sportsball.

i dont play Fantasy Relships, although maybe in a way I do: by having these one sided things where I have the relship all in my mind and it does not reflect reality at all.

nyquil makes me unable to think clearly and articulate and be persuasive. still i wish i just had some MJ, i would LUV to smoke a bunch of MJ on a friday night like this and listen to DARKTHRONE.

“the hordes of nebulah”. i used to think this song wasnt as good as the 2 before it, now i see i was wrong hahahahaha. truly a MAGIC album and i wouldnt EXPECT darkthrone to ever capture this kind of lightning in a bottle quite the same way ever again. you cant. again a large part of this was my own age at the time. but this is gonna be one of those albums that i enjoy thru my entire life hahaha. share with muh waifu and children and they will say damn what a badass!

anyway it is just “funny” and mostly sad that i spend all this time and energy and interest thinking about and analyzing Relationships, general and particular, myself and my fantasy rels, others and my perceptions of their real rels, and i think i have the tools and skills and knowledge to be real mature and good in a rel…..but my weakness is the BEGINNING. I cant get it STARTED for various reasons. cant spark the kindling and get the fire going ever.

large part of that is because i am scared to “apply”. at least with jobs i am putting out 450 applications, doing 23 interviews. if i were doing that with WOMEN, i WOULD have been in a real rel by now, or at least had a near normie level of secsual satisfaction. or, hopefully, i would say THIS IS DEGENERATE, I’m not gonna do this unless its in a real rel with a decent woman, fook this banging sluts shit, leave it to the degenerate hedonist nihilist abortionists.

fenriz did recycle the classic “quintessence” riff on his storm “nordavind” album which was recorded in late 1994 while panzerfaust was recorded in early 1994 hehehe.

they got the qt gurl kari rueslatten to sing on the album (from 3rd and the mortal, really need to dig into them more) and supposedly she was very upset and felt betrayed by fenriz because he changed a lyric at the last minute to say something like “death to every man who does not hail the fatherland!” which she felt was ebil racist. and i bet fenriz is not a racist. shit i wish he WAS. he SHOULD be. and poor kari felt horrible guilt after that and betrayed by ebil fenriz. hahahahaha i wonder if he fooked her. the dirty slut hahaha. see this ALL comes from the root cause of my degen pornographic view of women as sluts to be fooked. this is from watching way too much pron, so shame on me. but also shame on women for willingly BEING like that. they dont have to BE sluts, even if the girls in porno are.

and because kari was a beautiful young norwegian gurl with beautiful long hair, i dont WANT her to be a slut.

i want to read more stories of women who are DIVORCING or DUMPING their men because oh god hes a TRUMP SUPPORTER. but r/relships does not allow overtly political topics.

i would think being married and especially with children makes women less leftist catladylike. so they will say oh yeah trump is crude but oh well hes still better than hillary so im still voting for him.

whereas its the C carousel sluts and catladies who will be most offended, and they werent voting for trump ANYWAY.

in other words, its not gonna lose him any votes. its not gonna make anyone who has already chosen trump, say, oh NOW he’s gone too far, and i am changing my vote to HILLARY? i cant imagine him honestly doing any of that. even if he said GTKRWN 1488, which i would luv, people would still say, yeah im still not voting for hillary.

however it will make the hillary people all the more SHRILL and ANNOYING and that might push undecideds towards trump.

undecideds tho? and couldnt this push undecideds to hillary? sure.

BUT HOW MANY UNDECIDEDS ARE THERE REALLY?????

not very many imho. i play it down because i hang out with people who would be MORTIFIED that they have even ONE trump supporter in their friend circle. so i say stuff, ah well, its a classic lesser of two evils thing, i dont really like either of them, but im really dont like hillary, yes i agree with you trump is not super presidential but im a moderate centrist and hillary is just too left for me, so, i have to vote for trump. that kind of waffling shit. actually i wouldnt even confirm i was voting for trump unless i was with some trump voters. thankfully i know a few.

7000 words? damn.

but yeah its funny. i analyze and think about rels like An Interest Or Hobby but never actually participate, when most NORMIES DO participate and dont analyze them to the same level, its just a normal part of normal life, dont overthink it, its not something interesting like football or tv hahahaha.

well to me it is!!!!!!!!

and women arent much better than men. they gossip a lot more about rels but are even WORSE at analysing, understanding, and workign with them. men could at least have a good chance at reasoning their way through them if they tried.

but you cant REASON with women. its like REASONING with a drunk 50 foot baby with a flamethrower. REASONING with a damn tasmanian devil. you cant reason somebody out of something that they didnt reason themselves into, hahahahaha.

STRUGGLE WITHOUT CUDDLES

aug 3

wewlad. well had a big interview yesterday and today i had a “market research” study for 2 hours of “work” for which i get paid $200. sign me up to do this as muh job. give me a firm 40 hahahaha.

it was really very interesting and fun and positive. there were people from fookin STANFORD there. attractive young stanford business students, who were going to become powerful career women and executives, yet some of them just seemed like perky young college students to me. early 20s girls, some of whom looked vaguely Jooish. the type of gurls you see at Serious Colleges. they are always young and always in good shape and always pretend to be smart, rather than big fat burger white trash proles with their fast food guts and tattoos and filthy mouths.  i am a sucker for these midde class gurls. I dont see a lot of them because i dont spend a lot of time around universities, or in workplaces where professional young women are employed hahahaha. but they are definitely attractive. very bangable.

and everyone was very nice and welcoming. sure its fake but i dont care. i will take somebody being fake nice over somebody being whatever. besides, on the level of our interaction, it wasnt really fake fake. i know that drives the autists crazy which is why they HATE small talk and “fake” niceness etc, everything has to be all deep conversations all the time with these autists, and then they wonder why they are depressed autistic virgin neets hahahaha.

they were just successful normies who had no reason to be mean, and its part of their job to be nice and get The Consumers Talking. And I was happy to oblige.

The whole thing was not what I expected. This was all some HIGH END stuff. People from STANFORD. Stanford BUsiness School working on some sort of collaborative project at World Headquarters of a very large well known company located somewhat near me. about 20 miles travel hehehe. going downtown.  the kind of company real big winners work at. which professional good college student boys and girls try to get summer internships at.

there was art on the walls about the power of disruptive thinking and how to be a real change agent. one mural making fun of traditional business type “orthodoxy” and how this company was gonna turn that on its ear and make itself a real Change Agent getting the best Thinkers and Talent to market their products. There were several copies of this SETH GODIN book sitting on the table for the participants to read. I was probably the only one who knew who he is. Notes: I shold probably read some of his books to learn how to speak the bullshit language of business and marketing. SPeak the language of a Value Adder who is WORTH 28k a year hahahaha. which the young professionals I spoke to today definitely made, hehehe. or they were getting a damn executive mba from a top ten biz school where they would then enter into a 150k a year mid manager position.

I was studying them even more than they were studying me. I thought they were going to ask about uber cars. but they didnt at all. They were asking about feelings and emotions and telling specific stories about times I felt more or less “fearless.” I do not have many specific stories because I have not been living life for the past 2 or 3 years or so hahahaha. it then seemed like these teams of researchers were studying ways of interviewing and communicating during interviews. like how can an interviewer structure and guide an interview in the most productive way.

there were little “breakout” sessions where I talked with groups of people for 10 minutes or so. As I did a few more I got more comfortable, less autistic.  then I talked with two people, and our conversation was watched by like 4 or 5 other Stanford Researchers, and we started off doing a “Bad Interview”, then they sent me off, talked amongst themeslves, but I could hear them talking, then called me back to do a “Good Interview”, which really didn’t seem that much different. Like I guess they were supposed to be assholes in the first situation and then nice and open and friendly the second time. but everyone was pretty nice all around.

Then I talked to a real Ubermensch Hyperborean. He was like 27 years old, like 6 foot 3 at least, wearing good clothes, very handsome, very charming, total UberChad. Normally I am suspicious of these guys because they used to make fun of me in high school and they were always the popular chads who all the women chose over short quiet dorks like me hahaha.

but i have become less autistic over the years and he was very nice to me and i was very nice back to him.

one of the Stanford Researchers seemed more autistic and awkward than me!

well, maybe he worked for the Big Company. The big company is very prestigious too, but you don’t have to go to STANFORD to get a job there. You could be a good student at Cal State and get a job there.

but yeah it was exciting seeing these young college gurls. some were quite attractive and I wanted to bang them. but they were both way too young AND way too successful for me. and way too attractive. but here they are being super nice to me and paying me 100 bucks an hour. literally.

how the hell did i get this? because I signed up for a local Market Research Firm like 8 years ago and every once in a while they contact me for big on-site projects with their Big Client, ie this Big Company.  and this one happened to be at world HQ of this big company, and is the most high-profile, high-paying, classy type project I have done so far. This does NOT happen often folks. like once a year or once every 2 years. and often I get DQ’d because I am too old or I dont have perfect 20 20 vision or I dont have a Smart Phone. I got DQ’d from one because I still use an oldschool nonsmart Flip Phone, like all Trump voters hahahahahaha.

it was all interesting and exciting and fun, but I felt ultimately useless, and it was ridiculous these beautiful smart successful normies could make great money doing this “research”. they probably have relationships with people theyre attracted to too hahahaha. well their GF probably cucks them then. well not if they are making 80, 100k a year, or going to STANFORD! so they get the bitchy career gurl as a GF. I mean of course she will ultimately divorce them, but they will get a few good years of monogamous bangs out of her when she is young and beautiful, and that’s worth a lot!

the participants were dumb white proles hahahahaha. no only semi kidding. but i mean who is available during a Workday to do a Survey? Pill Popping jobless white trash, and thuggish nonwhite trash, who would probably rather sell drugs than do a research survey. or forget to show up. there was a potatoe shaped white woman with a broken arm and ugly tattoos on her arm. There were 45 year old white women with some tattoos on their arms. There was a 40 or 37 year old woman who I wanted to bang. very nice legs and body. I should have charmed her. she walked funny as if she had an injury and she gave off a very crazy vibe. she wasnt super hot, but she was DEF hot enough.

i mean if she were being super nice to me like these researchers were, yeah I would like that hahahaha.

this ties into something i realized recently: it doesnt take much for me to generate interest in a person. if they are NICE to me, that’s generally enough. just be nice to me and be good at talking to me hahahaha. which is these researchers JOB, to get me talking. Now I am good at rambling once you get me talking.

but yeah add a little NICENESS in with that, like smile and be nice and dont be a bitch, and then you will have worked your way into muh heart. show some interest in me and dont bust muh balls or judge me. its not that hard, ladies hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

but yeah that is too much to ask of a woman because as a man, it’s YOUR job to LEAD. in life, in conversations, in everything, and I’ve never been good at taking the LEAD.

now one of the women participants was wearing what looked like a JOOISH star of david. she was in her 40s but in quite good shape. probably would bang. would def not marry hahahahaha. I tried to study her face for signs of jooishness. because all jooish women get nose jobs hahahaha.

pretty sure at least one of the cute young gurl professionals was jooish. had reddish hair and kind of pasty skin. not sure about the KHAZAR MILKERS hahahahahahaha.

yeah i mean not all jooish women are disgusting sea hags, some are very cute, I’m ashamed to say. would race mix with /10.

i should have talked to her about it hahahaha.

pretty sure one of the male researchers I talked to was a J. had a very jooish name on his nametag.

its exciting for me because I met a ton of joos when I was at Jooniversity but not since then. I simply do not live in that kind of upper middle class neighborhood, nor have I worked in Professional 50k+ workplaces where Joos would have their Careers. I have no contact with them. I just read about them and listen to TRS podcasts about how horrible they are hahahahahahahaha.

yeah I will never soften on that, but I wouldn’t mind banging a few of those young jooish qts before THROWING THEM IN THE OVEN hahahahaha.

but seriously folks it wuldnt be that hard for them to get a get out of the oven pass from me. just be NICE to me.

i mean im really not THAT hateful, i really CAN get along with Marketing Research people very well! Who are nice to me and make an effort to pull muh talk string. Well, I mean, they dont even need to pull my talk string, really all they need to do is ask me ONE open ended question to get me started, then I could Ramble On for an hour. not that hard.

like i say, i was quickly warming up to the Big Chad Guy just because he was NICE to me.

and im not used to attractive women being nice to me. i mean i just appreciate niceness. if someone is blatantly nice to me, i really appreciate it. that was a big reason me and that woman became friends. because she was just super nice to me and very easy to talk to. i enjoy being nice to people but because i am an autist neet, i seem cold and aloof. but i really enjoy being nice. i sometimes need people to break the ice though. and she did, and she was super nice to me, and i was super nice to her, and we became friends, and after a while, i trusted her and liked her more, and appreciated her niceness more and more, and then i wanted her to be nice to me in a different way, which she couldnt, and then all the niceness was gone entirely.

i appreciate men being nice too. i like nice men too hahahahahaha.

but yeah it DOES take EFFORT to be nice, so it might not be considered super EASY. although sometimes it is easy.

like the people i meet every week for my social event, we get along fine, but we arent super NICE to each other.

also i was reminded how i dont have any STORIES, because I dont get out and LIVE LIFE. I dont DO THINGS, I dont TAKE ACTION, I dont have deep relationships with people, or even exciting ones where story-worthy things happen. i don’t mind being a BORING WALLFLOWER, but I would like to have a FEW more stories. I mean I have that story about That Person but that’s just a PATHETIC story that makes me look like a total WEIRDO….which I kinda am!

Cuz the market researchers were i think studying real high level meta shit, like How People Tell Stories and How People Communicate and How to Get People To Tell Stories about Times When and How To Lead a Productive Interview. Yes it IS pretty interesting stuff!  I would have liked to stay LONGER and I would be happy to give them more in depth stuff. I would sit in a room and just talk for an HOUR if they wanted. SHIT, its a lot more fun than INTERVIEWING. cuz there you are being judged mercilessly, rejected, not being paid anything, and though interviewers are generally nice, they arent SUPER nice like the marketers. i mean you feel like you are being pampered, and people are INTERESTED in you and your stupid rambling opinions are VALUABLE. And they are really suckin your D. I LIKE THAT! Even if I know my opinions dont matter, and their research is shit. I like having nice qt young gurls sucking muh D saying OH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

oh even nice handsome Chad Men, where in the Real World I could never hope to have their Sloppy Seconds!

and i dont really see it as fake, because this is part of their job, and for the most part, they enjoy their chosen career. they are a good fit for this sort of work. they are people people who are interested in watching and talking to people.

I enjoy people watching a lot as well, but the people interacting is difficult for me. If I were less Anxious and INtroverted, I would have been a pretty good Marketer and could see myself attracted to that sort of career. fookin normie extraverts, with attractive gfs. attractive men and attractive women. they dress well, are well-liked, live in nice neighborhoods, have careers not jobs, they went to University, total middle class. shiny happy people. beautiful people.

then at 35 their wife divorces them and sets them on their way to a midlife crisis hahaha. but before the women turn 30, it’s all good times. and there were definitely a few “junior level” under 30 women there. probably sucking dick to get to the top hahahahaha. i mean i would have no chance with these 25 year old women. they are dating their damn 40 year old boss. after his wife divorces him hahahaha no problem he just hooks up with a 24 year old gurl with a shiny new MBA.  she also works out and isnt a fat potato who has let herself go.

shit yeah i notice all the fat people vs nonfat people. as a sorta fat person who is becoming a nonfat person. And I definitely want a nonfat waifu. That Woman had a nice big bottom and thighs but she was not fat or overweight at all.

i have never gotten feelings for a fat or even Overweight gurl, so I figure I owe it to them to not be fat myself hahahaha. or not overweight.

anyway the seth godin book was called your turn is now or waiting for your turn and it was actually not bad, i think it was partially successful in its goal to inspire and motivate, that J is good at his chosen profession hahahaah.

this is the kind of place that has no dress code, probably listen to a ted talk every morning, have team huddles, get gym membership and probably very very good benefits, i mean this is a destination career. young achievers with nononline MBAs who wear skinny jeans and i dunno joy division or velvet underground shirts in the office. maybe even have a mohawk. absolutely rides a bike to work and lives in a hipster neighborhood right on the cusp of Gentrification, and also do a lot of pro-nonwhite nonprofit volunteering to assuage their white swpl guily. VERY SWPLy and hipstery for sure.

but also nice and good people skills because they are Extravert Marketers and not total Weirdo Autists. these poeple are def NOT neet virgins. they are DEFINITELY not nevergf or foreveralone. they are socially well adjusted hahaha.

and not so far out they actually make their career in Nonprofits and Activism. That’s a whole other bunch of hipsters.

so i would have no chance with the young stanford jooish cuties, and my 1488 bruders would hang me for admitting to finding any joos attractive, so I simply wouldn’t flaunt it around them. i certainly would not want to marry or have babies with these gurls.

but what if they were really nice to me? over the long term? and loyal and devoted to me?

heh these issues came up in the study. there was stuff like talk about what it means to you for someone to have your back, and alot of the stuff led naturally into talking about relships, the closer and more important the relship, the better. I bet the normies would be led quite easily to telling stories about their GF or BF. a special relationship with someone who is important to you. and I spoke of how those kind of relationships are important to me…….but I dont have any recent stories to tell you.  and there is talk of personalities and fit and im an introvert and dont mingle with new people a lot, but I do enjoy close connections bla bla bla and really talking about some pretty serious issues!

then ding ding time is up, move to the other group! i felt they cut us off just as things were getting interesting.

definitely a very interesting afternoon, the most interesting “market research” thing I’ve done probably ever hahahaha. a lot more fun than mturk or even talking about a damn product. there was hardly any talk of products or services. usually in those cases i just laugh and say whatever i’m really easy to please. just give me a good product at a fair price. hell not even a fair price. and also a company that doesn’t bullshit its customers, or bullshit its employees, and is loyal to its employees, hires from within, doesnt add more and more retarded managers that dont know shit but how to lay off good workers to save a buck.

maybe this is my sign to buy a seth godin book and memorize the bullshit phrases hahaha.

and i am going back there tomorrow! i will try to stay after tomorrow to talk to the people more. see if i can sign up for moar studies. i mean these people are paying me GOOD MONEY essentially have fun and do interesting things where people are super nice to me. SIGN ME UP! I could do this 80 hours a week! for 100 dollars an hour hahaha.

also if i see that crazy 40 year old woman with the nice legs tomorrow i should Chat Her Up hahahaha and try to have short term casual secs with her. she did not have any visible tattoos, which was more than I could say for some of the other women, and she did not look like a potato. that is very important to me hahahaha.

also these bigshots didnt seem THAT much smarter than me. if they can make 100k a year, I can surely make 30k a year. they just had more confidence, and more experience in the normie world of confidence and success and GFs and sheeeit hahaha.

ok found this cute gurl on linkedin who was part of the research today. holy sheet sheet is jooish as HELL with one of the most jooish names you could imagine. need hearing protection for those echoes. she got a BS in 2014 from CORNELL in “design and environmental analysis.” which is probably “organizational studies” which is probably just “HR” for IVY LEAGUE joos such as her.

god damn. she was cute though, I wanted to plow her and maybe even cuddle with her.

but life is a constant struggle with no cuddles.

STRUGGLE WITH NO CUDDLES.

heres another guy in her dept, 2014 bachelors from not an ivy league but a pretty respectable private college in the state, useless degree like me, but lots of good internships and “apprenticeships” preparing him for this role. fellowships and shit. jooish name too. had the same fellowship as the gurl. i am sure they fooked, but do they still fook? probably.

another young woman, possibly latina, BA degree from state college in 2013. no masters degrees here! this state college was my univs main rival and my univ was seen as intellectually and professionally superior to those Boorish Fraternity Business Majors who just want to get drunk and bang sluts and get an easy business degree. total chads.

alot of these people did useless BA’s in psychology, sociology, anthropology. even human resources and hospitality is less useless than those! but the common denominator is, they went to decent, and sometimes outstanding schools, AND, more important, were VERY active in building their resume throughout college with internships and programs that look really good on a resume, which got them into GOOD jobs with this big company, as 2014 undergrads, with no masters degree. it was the internships that did it. they were moving and shaking. that is exactly where I failed.

yeah these kids are like NINE years younger than me, theyre even younger than That Woman. hehehehe. and they are WAY ahead of where I will EVER be, because they made the right moves during college, and I did not. and I can’t make myself young again to make those right moves the first time. these jobs are BUILT for YOUNG high acheivers on the fast track. I ALMOST got on the fast track, and I could have very realistically been there like them. But I missed it. I didn’t even know how to get on it. I had no idea internships were so IMPORTANT.

but its what separates young huge winners like them, from old huge losers like me.

sheeeeit i gotta get muh stuff ready for my interview for the 12k a year job tomorrow hahahaha. and these KIDS are making i dunno 60k a year with potential for a LOT more in the future. and they had useless degrees too! they just did a bunch of really good internships all the way from freshman year.  while i just smoked MJ and got angry that I couldn’t make friends and get a GF hahahahaha. and slacked muh studies and DIDNT EVEN TRY to get internships. I DIDNT EVEN TRY. partially because I HAD NO IDEA. I dont come from that world and no one I know does. NOBODY TOLD ME because nobody I knew KNEW what you had to do. Muh fam is more working class and doesnt know how to succeed in college. We thought that doing ok and graduating is enough. IT ISNT.

but joos from middle class families, their middle class jooish family and JCC makes sure they are on track every year of their lives, because they udnestand the important of getting on the fast track early, and once you miss it, you dont really get a second chance. i mean a 40 year old man who got an online mba is not gonna get these same “entry level” jobs that a 22 year old grad from cornell with a prestigious yearly City Revitalization fellowship is gonna get.

so am i man enough to Game N Bang that 22 year old jooish qt Cornell Grad hahahahaha would that make me feel IN CHARGE, make me feel like a BIG IMPORTANT EXPANSIVE MAN? would that make me feel confident, powerful, and FEARLESS? yeah it would hahahaha tbhfam. it would feel real good.

at one time, like at age 18 or so, i was on that level too. i just fooked up and she didnt. not just her but many people like her. successful, high achieving, fast track ubernormies. they have good social skills and good career skills and were never put off track by their own damn personal issues and insecurities and weaknesses. and they worked hard, their earned what they got, im not begrudging them that. I’m begrudging myself for letting myself get off track when i was young. because i couldnt handle my own not very difficult life. because i should just went to a damn SHRINK but i was too STUBBORN.

i could have gone to a shrink for “free” at muh university. but i was too STUPID, STUBBORN, and IMMATURE.

anyway i will ask the nice smart qt jooish gurl tomorrow if I can sign up with this office for future stuff like this. you dont need to go through that marketing firm, you can contact me directly. and also wanna go to the mikva and talk about mitzvahs and tikkun olam. hahahahahahahahahaha. im sure your jooish BF wont mind if you get a little side GOYMEAT.

sheeeeit getting up at 620 am tomorrow to do damn interview.

i looked at 3 of the people involved with the “ideas lab” on linkedin and one of them looked at my profile in return. not the qt jooish genius gurl. but the not super attractive latina gurl. she is a year older and still 8 or 9 years younger than me and is like a manager or supervisor there hahahaha. ive never supervised anybody or been promoted anywhere hahaha. shes i dunno i didnt get a good look at her at the thing today. she’s under 25 so that automatically makes her HAWT right? I know she wasnt morbidly obese because nobody there is. but how potatoey is she? well everyone there is very image conscious, which means they care about not being fat, which is good hahahaha. i wish all prole women werent fat and trashy hahaha. we have to MAKE PROLES GREAT AGAIN.

its where i come from and what i identify as, but i hate how so many white proles are white trash. it really made me want to Become Middle Class. I liked the Classy Image of it all. the beautiful people, smart and sophisticated, even the WOMEN. the women read books and paid attention to current events and didnt have horrible tattoos and werent fat hahahaha.

but really i can speak both languages to an extent. well…..a very small extent hahahaha. i can speak middle class better than average proles can hahahaha. and i can probably speak prole better than average middle class can. i have ALWAYS been straddling these two worlds.

white trashcan hahahahaha

when i talked to the first set of people today i was very awkward and weird. after talking to several groups i had gotten markedly better, or at least felt more confident, whcih is all that really matters. marketing research proves it hahaha. science. and other jooish lies hahahahahahahaha.

that sweet little jooish gurl probably DOESNT EVEN REALIZE how EVIL her people are. in fact maybe her family is one of The Good Ones.

you think im so antisemitic because I “dated” a jooish gurl 10 years ago, she broke my heart, I got buttmad, it wasnt even a real relationship, it was a 1 month casual thing, i was stupid to get feelings, so NOW I H8 JOOS.

not so! what it DID do was make me interested in joos. studying this Interesting, Fascinating Race. It wasnt until after a few years of studying how horrible they were that I came to h8 da joos. and again i would probably be VERY lenient if young qt jooish gurls were being NICE to me. they can go in the oven last hahahahahaha.

i KNEW she looked jooish hahahahaha. glad to see my joodar still works.

no, she did not have a hideous face like khazar milkers.

also i fully admit that I was an idiot with the jooish gurl 10 years ago. i shouldnt have gotten feelings, i should have just accepted it was a casual thing….but i just cant do that. no i wasnt an IDIOT. I just dont like DEGENERATE casual secs! and joos do hahaha. but in her defense she wasnt terrible mean about it. she was nice and sympathetic when she dumped me. which is a lot more than i can say about that white woman of 2015!!!!!!!!!!!!

but thats the thing. even if this 22 year old jooish gurl is not bad……what is she gonna be like when she is 44, 66? probably acting and looking more jooish. maybe start going to temple or whatever they call it. and how often did she go to JCC during high school? do jooish stuff during college? i didnt see any blatantly jooish stuff on her linkedin resume tho. well she had such a good resume she didnt NEED to put any joo stuff on it, she probably did that stuff ANYWAY because she is a high energy high achiever. worked in joocamp during high school. too long ago to put on res.

also what about her GRANDPARENTS. all joos luv their grandparents and no doubt they have some stories of the CAMPZ and the EBUL NAHTZEES and the OVENZ and the CAMPZ and the SOAP and LAMPSHADES, OY VEY, WHAT A SHOAH.

and beloved grandparents telling those stories to little children can make a big impression.

well why would old grannies LIE about OVENS?

because theyre hysterical and they dont even KNOW theyre lying. you know how some people have really BAD memories and they EXAGGERATE and BULLSHIT.

also i dont doubt there were CAMPS of some sort. i just doubt they were the lean mean joo genociding machines that elie wiesel would have us believe.

maybe i should talk about all this with that jooish gurl tomorrow hahahahaha.

so yeah i can have a failrly normie conversation with people…..it just takes a few attempts to get in the groove. like when i was taking my calls, many of my calls i handled REALLY WELL. i wish i had recorded them. just recorded them all. they did have recordings of all calls but damned if i had access to them.

but when i meet someone for the FIRST TIME, or I have a JOB INTERVIEW, yeah its gonna be a little awkward. why cant these normies just accept that?

like if they gave me a chance and worked with me for a few days, well i would probably act more normie.

well, i mean jobs and interviews, you are iherenlty being judged and evaluated at ALL TIMES, so yeah that puts you on edge.

who DOES make GOOD decisions under pressure? pressure compromises your decision making quality! yeah i can make decisions but theyre not gonna be GREAT!

also, re that woman, why couldnt she look for the GOOD in me? she used to. and the good stuff never really LEFT. I never really changed THAT much. i was still the same good person, i just had these new feelings. why did she ONLY see the BAD, that she couldnt see the GOOD any more at ALL? so yeah that sucks.

look for the good, you used to see the good. its still there. i never wanted to become a bad person. but thats how you treated me! just as bad as losing you is the thought that omg, AM I A BAD PERSON? because I just cant live with that. I do not have much confidence but I used to be somewhat confident I was a GOOD PERSON. I can’t lose that sense of certainty, then Ive lost ALL I GOT.  so losing that was almost as bad as losing HER!

http://www.bloomberg.com/view/articles/2016-08-03/why-millennials-are-having-less-sex

aug 4

had 9 am interview, got it done with, it was actually very good, they said i was very articulate and a good communicator, which  i was happy to hear, since a lot time i worry about sounding like a retarded autist. but sometimes i can Communicate well, ie BUllshit well, its really the ONLY skill i have and the only way I will sell myself for 12k a year hahahaha

OOOOOOOOOO LOOK AT ME, I MAKE THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS A YEAR, IM SO IMPORTANT!

http://washingtonmonthly.com/magazine/junejulyaug-2015/the-post-ownership-society/

swpl phaggot writing in leftist mag but he makes some good points about Working For A Living for us shitty nonstem grads hahahaha. not he but she. she also had stupid false points about women being financially devastated by divorce hahahaha yeah right.

i dunno. be sure to read the comments of courshe.

i mean yeah she and many other like her made bad choices as youth which led to them being financially not so good as adults. they shouldnt have taken on 100k in debt in useless degrees.

and i can sympathize because i am also a member of the Bad Life Choices club and now i am Asshurt about it. bitching and moaning that the world owes me a 28k a year job hahahahaha.

yeah it sucks, but at least i am not a leftist communist like the author and her fook buddies. but some of the communists had good points about international bankers hahahaha. and i dont like free markets when they hurt a nation or a RACE. The White Race. I am STAUNCHLY pro-white, unlike this author and her bohemian starving artist friends. but i too am an older millennial and will likely still be Not Making It at Age 35. which is not far away hehehe.

its sorta ok when youre 25 (and even then not ideal, and wouldnt happen in my amerka hahaha), but by 35 youre like holy shit ive wasted my life, ive made a huge mistake, i should just K myself now hahahaha.

i went in to do the interview, got a better look at the facility at the millions of dollars of machinery they have. i mean i honestly think what this place is doing is legit awesome and great, no bullshit. it is training long term unemployed people the skills they need as quickly as possible to get 30k+ jobs. to fill real skills gaps in manufacturing jobs. because the only manufacturing that is left is “advanced manuacturing” and requires more training. and companies dont train. you have to pay to train yourself at a skool. and the supply of that training is very limited, hidden almost. i mean you can pay 14 THOUSAND dollars to take 6 months of training at HVAC skool so you can make 15 dollars an hour there…..or you can pay i dunno less than 7 thousand dollars to get trained on fookin expensive robot machines and make 20 dollars an hour.

they showed me around and there were a bunch of white people getting schooled there. these are jobs for a strong white working class that is an endangered species…..and this place is DIRECTLY acting to fix that. I could not find a more pro-white job or place! they might as well have a huge industrial size OVEN in there where they shovel in joos and blaqs and muzzies and mudsharks and traitors!

if i were faced with an enemy and a traitor and I had but one bullet left, I would let the traitor have it hahahahahaha

I tried to emphasize that I really liked that sort of stuff and would possibly like to become a student here.  i’m not sure they understood how serious i was. but they said i was very articulate in general. i even seemed SO articulate that they asked how I got that way hahahaha. so i said thank you, strong communication is very important to me, and ive tried to improve myself in that area, so it’s good to hear it’s working.

i mean if anything this is a SIGN FROM GOD that I should GET TRAINING AT THIS PLACE on one of the fooking million dollar robot machines!!!!! they get millions of dollars from FEDGOV! literally! department of labor grants which sounds like one thing fedgov is actually doing right with taxpayer money! unless its all theater, a scam. like spending millions to help black keeds graduate high school.

well this shit is more important than high school!!!!!!!! and its manufacturing!!!!! actually building stuff!!!! honest actual work!!!!

these jobs exist but they cant find people to fill them because the Shop Rats dont know such high tech machines! and since companies wont train their own people….they get this facility to train them!!!! getting fedgov and i’m sure state and county money as well. and it is basically a part of the local college. but their training is VERY job oriented.

i mean its the ONE THING that doesnt look like a huge scam to me!

they only thing stopping me is that you have to call them for more information. because you cant just sign up for A Class. but i am fookin afraid to call them. even though i have had TWO INTERVIEWS with them.

that seth godin book caught my attention because it had a bit about staying in your comfort zone, because you are AFRAID to look STUPID. so you dont take risks and do new things. i def understand that. and when it is an everyday part of your job to not look stupid in front of customers, but you feel stupid as fook, you feel INCOMPETENT and STUPID, and then they get mad at you becuase shouldnt you know this shit, but to be PROPERLY trained is WAYYYYYYYYY more expensive than mass hiring and mass hiring.

yeah it does suck to always feel STUPID. anyone would try to avoid that. but whats even worse is coworkers and customers thinking youre stupid and judging you for it! treating you like youre stupid!

IM NOT STUPID, this stuff is just insanely complicated! I went to STANFORD!!!!

and it doesnt really matter how SMART you are, but how good you are at dealing with unexpected weird shit under pressure. they should teach classes in that. with plenty of hands on field work.

you could be smart and flunk out because you couldnt handle weird shit under pressure.

being smart HELPS sure, but not as much as being cool under pressure.

i mean why am i NOT getting training at this place? I mean its actually a possibility for me to take a 22 week intensive training course! cuz i got no job and have the PRIVILEGE of living with family!

basically they need places like this INSTEAD OF HIGH SCHOOL. START KIDS on this when they are 14 years old so that they are 18 they are trained to do fookin 35k a year jobs. THEN see if so many damn people want to go to college. and a lot of them who do go are gonna do serious STEM shit because they are naturally interested in these damn machines that they can ALREADY make a good living with. and now they want to research and develop new types of machines. innovation and growth hahahaha.

lincoln tech is like a univ of phoenix of this sort of stuff. and if you are gonna go in debt for training….get the training in something useful. so i respect lincoln tech a lot more than phoenix. because they are actually giving a useful product.  god damn that recent univ phoenix commercial is awful. they all are. the one with the workaholic young woman studying till Closing Time at the library because Sleep is not Required to get an awesome education or social work career.

yeah well smart people would rather sleep, than spend 60 grand AND every waking minute, to get a job that pays 10k a year. which you didnt need the degree for anyway.

and if youre an autist or awkward, forget it, you are doomed to a life of neetness, becuase how are you gonna actually GET a job and not totally shit the bed at an interview?

previous generations, you could have NO social skills and still get a job. as a mail clerk, or as a Machine Operator. well there are still sweet machine operator jobs out there, but to get the ones that pay more than 10 DAH, you have to have Advanced Training. so the problem is, where are you gonna find that training.  at places like this place i had 2 interviews for. where the best thing was a 14 dollar an hour part time temporary job. but the STUDENTS are getting prepared for like 18 dollar an hour full time permanent manufacturing jobs. the next step seems like a no brainer eh?

i mean this is what i would do with black ghettos. i would transform all high schools and get the keeds into hardcore job training as young as possible. there are blacks in these robot training programs. they are smart enough to handle it, believe it or not. you dont need to be a genius! you just need the right training!

some people say training is useless, well i say some “training” is useless, but REAL, useful training is RIDICULOUS VALUABLE!!!!!!

which means you cant cut corners on training and you should have jeez at least 120 hours of training.

FOOOOOOK got rejected from the college police job, the big lifechanger job. well at least they let me know within TWO DAYS.

A MAN CANNOT CREATE LIFE AND A WOMAN CANNOT MAINTAIN LIFE, said this guy on a mgtow video. i thought that was pretty good.

but yeah that honestly SUCKS about that job. that would have been a YUUUGE deal. 49k a year are you KIDDING me? I could actually have a FAMILY! with a stay at home tradwaifu homeschool muh children!!!!!!

lot harder to do that on 12k a year hahahaha. well they might not offer me the job either.

http://dschool.stanford.edu/

ok its not stanford business school thats doing this project, its the “d.school”.  its business related but also in a gay people way, like positive disruption and radical collaboration and things that dont even make sense to normie proles and is really only intended for the type of Privileged Middle Class Idealists that would go to Stanford.

http://dschool.stanford.edu/our-team/

i mean look at all these happy smiling J’s making tons of money being progressive and disruptive and collaborative and innovative thought leaders hahaha.

DEEP CONSUMER ETHNOGRAPHY oh lord hahahaha see you cant get this in your basic bitch mba program hahahaha you have to go somewhere ELITE like stanford “d.school.”

so yeah i went there, did that, saw the qt jooish gurl who went to cornell and is 10 years younger than me and right now has a better job than i will ever have, as she pranced around the Disruptive Marketing Ideas Space with bare feet and chatted with handsome young middle class videographers about his exciting bike trip across nicaragua, el salvador, colombia, argentina, bolivia and his job in washington DC.

its funny i havent been around people like this since University, my university was FULL of people like this. and then they get JOBS at places like this.

its just a weird weird world maaaan, but they seem to like their jobs and not be derpressed and they are happy to use their intelligent minds to come up with Valuable Ideas and get paid good money to do it. Thinking and talking about important valuable thoughts. thought leaders. innovation fellows. being smart and getting paid good money for it, but not like STEM smart. well, maybe some of them can do SPSS and statistics, ie damned jooish lies hahahaha.

i was in a big fancy skyscraper downtown and saw that this big multinational corporation had lots of cute young gurls like this working there. Under 25 year old girls dressed like young professionals and talking about accounts. they all are business or marketing or HR or Organizational Students or similar degrees from at least somewhat decent schools who have all been Successfully Career Oriented since age 18. I wish I had that drive and work ethic. and its sad to see qt young women pouring their energy into these very high powered careers, rather than into selecting a good man and having children. young. they might marry another successful man who also works in the fancy building and have 1 kid at age 30 when they have been promoted twice or made two or three promotion-ish company moves.

I guess at that point the woman COULD probably opt to stay home and raise the kid because her husband will be wealthy. but you need a wealthy husband AND wealthy wife to live in the best neighborhoods hahaha. god forbid you have to live next to white proles who dont know what the fook youre talking about when you talk about positive disruption and ideas spaces and employee ENGAGEMENT. yeah its called, you stop being productive, youre FIRED. hows that for ENGAGEMENT. produce your quota or youre FIRED.

i talked to the department manager about getting on a mailing list and possibly doing more of the studies. this was the jooish cornell gurls BOSS, who was closer to my age or maybe even a few years older. she was also very very nice and very happy to talk to me. think she was white not jooish. I gave her muh phone number and email. I tried to bullshit a bit about how interesting this ideas space was, and about the stanford d.school. i stumbled near the end hahaha.

anyway thats how you make 400 dollars for less than 4 hours of fun, easy work, where people act all nice and interested in you, and ask for your rambling opinions, and cup and blow your balls rather than busting them hahahaha.  qt jooish research fellows from stanford cupping and blowing your balls hahahahahaha. yes moar pl0x.

she mentioned a book to me, creative or cooperative or collaborative something, and now i cant remember it.

really this is probably more EMPLOYEE ENGAGEMENT than MARKETING per se.

idea emergence. ok i think this is all for “executive development” and reshaping the Executive Culture at this big well known company.

intrapreneurs hahaha. google has a similar thing called google garage

http://www.fastcompany.com/3017509/work-smart/look-inside-google-garage-the-collaborative-workspace-that-thrives-on-crazy-creat

to get even more creative ideas out of their slacker loser employees hahahah. because they were holding back on some of their brainpower and creativity, being fookin ivy league grads who work at google. theyre just not smart or creative enough and need a push to get even more VALUE out of them.

i dunno you cant push people to be creative.

but then these same people say drop the mic things like “great ideas are worthless” basically meaning action is more important than thought, and you have to have “space to fail and make mistakes and learn from them” which i sort of agree with, because people shouldnt be afraid of being judged as STUPID or word, FIRED because they made a mistake. god forbid a human being make a mistake.

paradoxically, you need to be a top 1% winner in life to even GET A JOB (“career”) at a place that even gives lip service to these Hip Cool Innovative Creative Disruptive ideas. REAL companies cant AFFORD to have an Ideas Space and ride segways around and listen to Seth Godin Ted Talks every day. they’re too busy on the phone talking to clients. angry clients hahahha.

and alot of this Young Creative Talent is being brought in from ivy league joos to do fellowships in conjunction with hugeass corporations, to also stimulate startups and nonprofits and social justice things to “revitalize” the city. IMHO the ironic thing is, you can bring in the best and brightest joos with all this positive disruption and innovation, but how is that REALLY gonna affect the average prole? they have no chance of getting a job like these people have. they dont speak the language, they’re not so damn jooish hahahaha.

so big companies send their best and brightest. but 99% OF PEOPLE ARENT THE BEST AND THE BRIGHTEST. they just need average 28k entry level jobs. not fookin innovation creative fellowship jobs available only to ivy league fast track young joos.

Organizational Dynamics. well what about the front level customer service people making 13 bucks an hour, taking calls from people who feel screwed by your shitty product. well just chain them to their phone and fire them if they dont close cases by any means necessary quickly enough.

so thats what i want to know. what is this companys lowass level tier 1 phone customer service, what is THEIR office culture like. or do they outsource that to indians for a quarter a day.  beause they can get away with it.

creativity inc? is that the book?

how anyone can get good at charisma hahahahahah sign me up

FOUND IT. this is 100% the book. from stanford d.school founder. this company is all about stanford d.school.

kelley brothers, IDEO, “Creatives”, these people think EVERYONE is creative hahaha its all about how to encourage it, motivate it, practice it, develop it.

i used to be creative but not so much any more.

http://www.fastcodesign.com/3056415/ideo-silicon-valleys-most-influential-design-firm-sells-a-minority-stake

ok its all about “DESIGN”. design firms, design consultancies like IDEO, design school founded by the ideo brothers.

sooooo uhhhhh WTF is “DESIGN”? product design?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Design_thinking

jejejej

i dont give a shit about the executives being creative innovant HUMAN CENTERED etc bullshit UNLESS this trickles down to the very lowest levels. the fat bastards answering the phones. help them do their jobs better, help them help your customers better, and good god give them a break from god damn phones all the god damn time!!!!!

basically only rich young jooish stanford and cornell grads can afford such PRIVILEGE and LUXURY and Mental Masturbation and Bullshit! real working people dont have TIME for this bullshit, they are just trying to keep their jobs, and the only “Creativity” you have is how to bullshit and how to cut corners to make yourself appear more productive.  which is a fookin horrible kind of creativity i want nothing to do with.

of course this is not the kind of creativity which Design Firms talk about. they honestly have good intentions. im just saying Real Average Proles dont have the LUXURY of putting good intentions into practice and making a living from it. you gotta lie, bullshit, and cut corners, and im not surprised many people dont like it!

i still believe most people are born good and HAVE good intentions, but shit like their JOBS totally undermines this. turns them into dishonest bullshitting assholes. so sad. well thats capitalism for ya hahahahahahahaha.

heh the joos should be doing these jobs, they would be naturals at this kind of dishonesty. leave the honest jobs for honest people!

so yeah it was just a real interesting experience. and yeah the people were nice and it was fun giving my bullshit opinions with Elite Researchers and definitely some Stanford PHD’s in there. real fookin intellectuals hahaha. i dont get to do that too often. they had really nice snacks for us too. i mainly drank coffee (mixed with water hahaha) and the coffee tasted pretty good, not cheap folgers shit hahahaha. i kid, i normally drink folgers!

https://www.amazon.com/What-When-Your-Turn-Always/dp/1936719320/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1470361737&sr=8-7&keywords=seth+godin

they had 2 copies of this book sitting out on the table for us idiot participants to read. i thought it was kinda neat.

YES i am WELL aware that seth godin is a big name and a slimy, sleazy, conniving bullshit artist joo. i just never really read his stuff until there was a book sitting in front of me and I was waiting around for the people to call me for my turn. you know like reading a shitty magazine in a doctors office, but this book was actually kinda interesting.

i mean you really could become a better bullshitter, and I am sorta interested in that. as far as bullshitting companies to hire me and bullshitting women to want to hang out with me. NOT with bullshitting customers as to how It Is What It Is, We Cant Help You, We’re Done Here. i don’t like bullshitting to represent a bullshitting, dishonest company. bullshitting to try to sell myself is different. a lot more potentially rewarding cuz you might get a good job or a good tradwife hahaha.

so just to be clear, i dont hate seth godin, in fact right now i kinda like him and might eventually read sme of his books, and only after that might i truly hate him hahahaha.

i mean i do really need somebody to break me out of my rut and motivate me. a nice qt gf would be ideal, but thats just NOT gonna happen because gfs HATE guys who are stuck in ruts. they are NOT gonna help you out of rut. you need to do that yourself, with the help of other non-gf people like your family, friends, or jooish smooth talkers like godin hahahaha. and only then will the gf come. yes it sucks. yes i wish women were different, were designed differently, were inherently different. but they’re NOT. i wish they could see your potential and help you out of a run. but they DONT, they NEVER WILL, because theyre not BUILT that way. GOD didnt MAKE them that way. unfortunately.

 

 

NORMIES GONNA NORM

april 20 1488

in the past we would celebrate degenerate MJ day……but as a grown ass man, we know theres only one thing to celebrate today.  AH did nothing wrong, the good guys lost the war.

had a dream with the former woman6, who I removed from that lineup because she really was a huge slut and dirty mudshark and she was not worthy of muh luv. but she was cute and she had a chance, but she just didnt behave herself, and she really was not the kind of nice, chill, kind person I wanted her to be…..which woman2015 was wawawawawawawa. she was just a crazy slut who was seriously affected by her daddy issues and she was probably bipolar too. very very bitchy and annoying. but also very cute and it was nice to be the subject of her interest. get your turn on the ride. be her next cok on the carousel.

of course I never even banged her or even made out with her, and this is a high-number skank who takes the sacred act of secs VERY casually. I mean she has to have well over n > 10, and probably a few abortions hahaha. plus she is a mudshark! she managed to get into a long term relship for once…..but its with some kind of negro or negro looking arab. REALLY hideous guy. she’s a cute white gurl. COME ON.

anyway she’s like 6 years younger than me, and way more successful than me and I havent talked to her in like…..6 or 7 years, wow.

so I had a dream where she invited me over to cuddle and I was like OOOO GOODY!!!! I luv cuddling and I have a crush on her, maybe we can make out too! and it will be so awesome to cuddle for hours and spend the night with her!!

so when I got there there was already another guy in the bed with her. looks like she wants to cuddle with TWO guys tonight. I was kinda disgusted, but I was like ok, I am desperate to cuddle with her, I’ll just get on the other side of her and cuddle with her and if things get too weird with that other guy, I’ll leave.

so then I cuddled right up to her and put my arms around her, holding her. and she sighed and quickly wormed out, it was clear she didnt want such intense cuddling. more like laying next to each other but barely touching. I was like well this is a huge disappointment.

then I was at my house and thinking about her and wanted to invite her over to my house and cuddle with me, but I couldnt get her to respond, hahahaha. yep I was done. no more cuddling with her. My turn on the ride was over. and no doubt she was fooking that other guy in the bed like crazy, and I couldnt even get 2 minutes of Legit Cuddling out of her.

anyway she was the last slut I was ever interested in, and hopefully THE last. really, not ALL women are this bad, and it’s honestly not FAIR to woman2015 to lump her in with this slut. it wouldnt be fair to any decent woman.

she could have been a decent woman too if she had a decent father and were not such a rebellious youth. into drinking and partying and Boiz.

well, this is typical of fatherless gurls. its just weird and interesting and funny and ironic that woman2015 also was pretty much “fatherless” but turned out to be a much better woman.

sheeeeeeit. yeah so i didnt mean

https://forum.federalsoup.com/default.aspx?g=posts&t=41730#post454862

I am trying to determine how good my postal 473 test score of 86.9 is. what is the damn average. there is lots of debate. nobody knows anyhting hahahaha.  i mean I want to do really well on tests, because I do really BAD on interviews. just being average or a slightly above average on the exam isnt gonna cut the mustard hahaha.

https://forum.federalsoup.com/default.aspx?g=posts&t=60580#post702517

also i learned that the huge personality test I took a few weeks ago is factored into that score. and MAYBE if you make your answers TOO good, you lose points. not sure.

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20120404104710AAwZgwj&page=1

http://www.quicktopic.com/33/H/vyMbVFFFZ3Z2q

this suggests you SHOULD be over the top ridiculous with your personality test. and i was. but i still dont know how good an 86.9 is. well if 70 is min and 100 is maximum, AND assuming a bell curve, then 85 would be Average, and I would be slightly above average.

this slut on fx news happening now with the big tits. cover them up whore hahahaha.  its NOT jenna lee even though she is listend as an anchor on the show. wayyyyyyyy sluttier than jenna lee. hahaha. and blond.

its not heather childers.

ok its heather nauert. how is she 46 fookin years old.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heather_Nauert

she has a masters degree in journalism from columbia (top tier program for that hahaha) and is married to an Investment Banker from Goldman Sachs. HAHAHAHAHAHA. what a whore.

-56 calories net calories yesterday. a new record hahahaha.

i cant believe she is 46 though. she must have done mad plastic surgery. usually I can tell with that sort of thing. I mean she looks very very good for 46. just needs to dress more professionally for her Chosen Career.

well dont blame her, blame the management! they make all their women personalities dress like sluts!

duly noted. i don’t doubt it.

ok my goal for today is go to thrift store and look for blue suit coat that kinda fits. might not find one.

AND also to prepare for The Big Interview tomorrow with staffing recruiter. there might be assessment tests in there, even better. cuz SUPPOSEDLY I do better on tests than on interviews hahaha. no actually I do shitty at both and thats why I cant get a 15 DAH job.

never mind a woman whos taken less than 15 cox and has no bastards!

i cant watch this butt slut any more hahahaha.

really not all women are sluts. just some. and it hurts more to get rejected by non sluts. because you know you lost a decent woman. and there are probably more sluts than decent women. 60 40 hahahaha. just cuz that is what our degenerate culture promotes: degeneracy. being a slut. celebrating sluthood.

the worst is being rejected by a good woman in a bad way. that is as disappointing as it gets. then you really blame yourself.

yeah I did screw up and yeah I did do some things wrong. yeah I was annoying and pushy. I ADMIT IT! but I cant stop thinking BUT. BUT that wasnt BAD enough that I didnt deserve some courageous compassion from her hahahaha. but you cant expect people to be COURAGEOUS for you. can you? in a way you can. you can really hope your friends will go to bat for you and not deny you like peter denied jesus hahahaha.

i dont think peter was BETRAYING jesus, but he was definitely DENYING him. and jesus probably didnt feel betrayed so much as he felt sad, denied, and disappointed.

i know that feel exactly hahahahahaha.

well, peter later redeemed himself and apologized i think hahaha. and later gave his life as a martyr for christ. i think hahahaha.

and of course in no way can we say peter was a bad or cowardly person. the man was a saint hahahaha. our first pope.

i think. i think there were two peters. peter and simon peter.

i think BMI is a generally useful enough. epsecally in regards to people looking like potatoes, or fat positive shit with women. basically, if I can fight the good fight and get to a 24 BMI hahahaha then I demand a woman of 24 BMI as well hahahaha.

ok ideally I want to get to 20. at 23.7 now. and of course men are cheaper than women, which is why an 8 man might have to settle for a 6 woman. so if I am 20 BMI, I should expect no better than a 25 BMI woman hahahahaha.

wawawawawaw That Woman wasnt even Overweight either! she had nice meaty thighs and buttocks but I liked those very much! and she certainly had a 24 or less BMI!!!!!! prob even 23!

she was really Too Attractive for me! out of my league!!!!!!

but her family was white trash!

this was a concern I had immediately. then I decided it didnt really bother me becuase they were good decent people who just had hard lives. and as long as they didnt get into drugs they should be fine. besides, white trash is still white. all that matters is that they are decent drug free people. and they were!!!!!!!! so in other words, they werent Too Degenerate White Trash 4 Me!!!!!!

in other words they were GOOD white trash and not bad white trash, therefore, not even really white TRASH at all. white trash is a degenerate ATTITUDE that they did not have. well not her part of the family. the most white trash thing she did was Mudsharked once. Real White Trash mudsharks all the time, had brown bastard babies, has bastard babies with deadbeats, have terrible teeth, curse like a sailor, drop out of high school, are huge sluts, get horrible tattoos, get into meth or painkillers or alcohol, get fat, go tanning, go partying, cheat on their lovers, cause drama, have dirty sticky houses, smoke 10 packs of newports a day, act like negroes basically. she didnt do any of that.

nope. she was and is an honestly decent, great, one of a kind, one in a million woman, and I pushed her too far, and she pushed me too far. it’s so sad and tragic. she was/is a GREAT woman and I didnt want her out of my life, I didnt want her to hate me. She was/is exactly the type of woman I want to wife up 4 Lyfe. and now I have to find ANOTHER one. how hard is THAT gonna be? impossible!!!!!

but maybe that white trash slut waitress will be at the pub tonight hahahaha and I can fook her and he stupid tattoos hahaha.

went to thrift store and indeed found about as good of a navy blue suit jacket as I could have asked. decent fit, and only 4 dollars. also got a new reddish tie. I figure dark blue coat, dark blue pants, red tie, and plain white dress shirt is the best you can do. look like TRUMP. I heard that if you wear a shirt with STRIPES on it, as I usually like white dress shirts with narrow STRIPES on them, that means you are not a team player and are less likely to be hired than if you wear a plain, unstriped white or maybe even blue shirt. Wouldnt risk blue though. just wear a plain white dress shirt. with big yellow pit stains hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. so thats why you wear the dark blue jacket!

and, finally, I would like to get a Light Gray jacket, hopefully for 4 bucks at the thrift store.

I wonder if there is an online thrift store hahaha like amazon but for thrifts.

get a job wear you have to wear a suit……then wear the SAME shitty suit EVERY DAY, day after day. dont even change the shirt or pants or tie hahahaha.  that will impress your TEAM and your superiors hahahaha.

governor of utah declares porn toxic and bad and an epidemic and a public health crisis. well i wouldnt disagree with them! good to see a govt saying porn is bad! because it IS!!!!!!! note they did not make it illegal. i dont think they could. but i think it is a great thing just to come out and say THIS IS BAD.

I dont even know how to prepare for this. its not just for one possible job. i mean its a temp agency hahaha.

Ok I made a One Sheeter. one page in open office. size 9 font, .4 inch margins. here it is, pasting it here for YOUR benefit::::::::::::

 

April 21 2016. Agency name. INterviewer name.
I am looking for an entry-level, trainee, or assistant position in an office, production, or warehouse setting.
I am an enthusiastic problem-solver and motivated self-starter.
I have a bachelors degree in uselessness in which I strengthened my communication and critical thinking skills, and I have completed almost 80 additional credits in Business and Information Technology to strengthen both of those skill sets.
I am eager to hit the ground running and provide value to a good fit organization.
My best fit organization would be one that provides good value to its clients and has good long-term leadership.
Agency’s goal is to partner with employers to find best-fit candidates that will help their business and their community succeed.
I want to help Agency achieve its goal of finding best-fit candidates that will help businesses and communities succeed. I would like to be one of these best-fit candidates.
I know “Agency has been one of the most successful and trusted recruiting firms for more than 60 years” in: Administrative & Support, Light Industrial, Information Technology, Accounting & Finance, Sales & Marketing, Human Resources, Legal, Retail/Wholesale, Manufacturing & Production, Banking.
I am a great fit for all of these fields except I am not an ideal fit for the inbound call center environment unfortunately. I excel at delivering service to inbound callers, but I prefer to balance inbound phone work with other tasks as well. I am very capable at resolving technical issues, but I sometimes struggle when there is a high volume of very complex calls.
I excel with a minimum of supervision and handholding, and seek to maximize my organization’s resources. I do not need my worked checked excessively. That being said, I do appreciate having access to experienced, senior team members in case I do have a question about a complicated procedure or a high-urgency, high-value task. I want to deliver service of the highest quality to my organization’s clients, and I seek to develop a good sense of perspective and judgment as quickly as possible, but I appreciate the privilege of being able to ask a limited number of questions while I am working through the initial learning curve. I would never inconvenience senior colleagues with repetitive questions, however. I generally say, if you can’t figure it out in 10 minutes, ask somebody, however this is always open to modification on case-by-case basis, depending on the number of complex questions, the amount of documentation and reference materials available, and the number of senior team members available.
I unfortunately had to take a leave of absence to handle a family situation. It was a carefully weighed decision accompanied by strict financial planning. Once we resolved the situation and put safeguards in place to ensure it would not happen again in the future, I contacted my employer about returning. Unfortunately, they replied that the business needs had been lower than anticipated, and that a round of layoffs had already started. I would be eligible for rehire next season (July 2016) due to my excellent and reliable performance however. I encourage you to contact my manager “Mr Big” with any questions. Please see my list of references.
I like to think outside the box and come up with solutions to problems. Whenever possible, I like to solve problems at their root, rather than using workarounds or bandaid fixes, or putting out fires. However I appreciate that time is money, and that fires can happen. I also appreciate that sometimes it costs too much money and time to do a full root cause analysis, so in some complex situations, we have to take our best guess, take quick action, and correct course later if needed.
I have a very good communication style and can handle urgent situations and difficult clients. Don’t interrupt, show empathy, listen actively, repeat their issue back to them to show you’ve understood, ask gently probing questions to get more information. Tell the client what your plan is and how you are going to follow up with them. Always make sure the client is satisfied before you close a case. Take ownership and show accountability for your work. If you don’t have the tools to fix the client’s problem, personally introduce them to a person who does.
A weakness is that I have struggled in sink-or-swim environments in the past, but I quickly learned to adapt. Change and growth is difficult and involves being pushed out of your comfort zone. Once I got used to being outside of my comfort zone, I gradually become less flustered and was able to solve problems more efficiently. I also use flashcards and a regular regiment of study in my personal time so that I am able to quickly power through learning curves, and hit the ground running during my workday, rather than waste time trying to figure things out. I take the initiative to study and learn work-related skills on my own personal time.
Are these 1099 or w2 positions? How many positions are temp-to-hire? How many are temporary contract? Does a temporary contract ever get converted to a direct hire? I am looking for a long-term opportunity ideal, where I have the opportunity to learn many skills and wear many hats.
I am a high-energy and outgoing team member, and communicate very well with clients and team members, however I am also an introvert and ideally prefer a small amount of quiet time to accomplish work tasks.
I also handle complex situations very well, but I do prefer a mix of the less complex along with the more complex.
I tell you this to help you find the best fit for me personally. Given a choice between a high-complexity and high-urgency position with higher pay, I would choose a lower-pay position if available. I enjoyed communicating with clients and solving complex urgent problems at the tech support call center job, but my best fit would be a lower volume of calls, some time off of inbound phone duty, and a slightly reduced number of highly complex issues. As I say, I enjoy working on complex issues and I’m skilled at solving them quickly, but I prefer a balance of less complex and more complex. Less urgent and more urgent. This is a win-win for both me and my employer, and enables me to be more productive and produce more value.
At the end of the day, I am looking to add value to this company and your clients. Hiring a candidate is an expensive risk, and I want to make good on your risk, and ultimately cut costs for your organization. I want to minimize costs and maximize profits, so that the company gets a good return on investment for choosing to invest in me.
If a client asks you a question you don’t immediately know the answer to, and again this is something I used to struggle with but have since greatly improved, you say: here’s what I know, here’s what I don’t know, here’s how I’m going to figure it out, and here’s when I’ll follow up with you.
I am great at converting unknown unknowns into known unknowns, and then finally into known knowns, all as quickly as possible.
In order to think outside the box, you need to LEARN THE BOX first. This can be challenging in a new workplace, where you have no sense of intuition or judgment on what is right or what is wrong. Many times the RISKS are NOT obvious. Crossing a busy street would entail obvious risks even if you had never seen a street or a car. The risks in very specialized business processes are much less obvious. Something may look right to you but actually be wrong. This is why I take the initiative to train myself and build relationships with senior team members, so as to get through the learning curve as quickly as possible. Someties you have to sacrfice your personal time in the pursuit of excellence. I have a commitment to excellence.
UNDERPROMISE and OVERDELIVER. …….. don’t just COMMUNICATE, but BUILD RELATIONSHIPS. … WHY is the most valuable question because it gives us deep understanding of a process, and allows us to find root causes of problems. However we must never lose sight of business needs, and understand when the question of why becomes an expensive wild-goose chase.
Tough-mindedness, grit, determination. I used to struggle at this but I soon improved this deficit. You need to be determined and focused on a goal, and sometimes this involves telling the client bad news they don’t want to hear. It’s better to not candy-coat this. Just be honest. Honesty is the best policy. Also realize that this is a BUSINESS NOT A CHARITY. Constantly giving large discounts will indeed make clients VERY happy, but it’s simply not sustainable for the company.

I am very happy to take as many assessments and skill tests as possible to help you determine best fit, and also to demonstrate my problem-solving and communication skills. Please give me some business problem simulations and I will gladly discuss my thought process in approaching these problems.
I am very skilled at taking a detective’s mindset. Solving problems and thinking like Sherlock Holmes. Looking at all pieces of potential evidence and putting together a timeline. Distinguishing causation from mere corrolation. Figuring out what is relevant and what is not. And doing all this quickly so as not to waste clients time or my company’s time. Think like a DETECTIVE, and operate like a SURGEON.
Sometimes it’s better to give 99% to every case or client rather than to give 120% to every case. Assuming that you would be the only one to notice that extra 21%, and that your client would be no less satisfied with 99%. In our global 24/7 world, speed is more important than ever before. We must maintain high standards of quality, but we have to appreciate that speed is every bit as valuable as quality, and it often is not worth it to sacrifice speed for a marginal improvement in quality.

You have to UNDERSTAND something in order to EXPLAIN it to confused clients. For this reason, it is very important to understand your products and procedures as fully and quickly as possible, and I am very willing to sacrifice the personal time in order to independently self-train on these items. This is a standard expectation and responsibility of any LEARNING POSITION!!!!! You have to be willing to put in that time.
What is the difference between a good agent from a great agent? Is there any kind of intranet, knowledge base, caseload management, CRM, ERP which is available outside of the office for self-study purposes? May I get access to a VPN so I can study company resources from home?
I have EXCELLENT attendance. I always report to work early and very often stay late. I am the complete opposite of a CLOCKWATCHER. If I have to stay late in order to get the job done, I will be a team player, and complete the job. However I am very conscious of overtime costs and will not clock more than 40 hours unless specifically directed by my supervisor.
I go above and beyond to meet any and all quality metrics. There is always room for improvement and I like the challenge of improving all the metrics on my scorecard.
I treat EVERYBOD Y with the Golden Rule. So simple, yet so valuable. There’s no need to take a bad attitude out on other people, and there’s no reason to take other people’s bad attitude personally. Just let it roll off you like water off a duck’s back.

Ideally I am looking for 12 to 15 dollars an hour, but very negotiable. Ideally I am looking for 1st shift first, second shift second. Ideally I am not the best fit for a Call Center.
Ideally I am looking for something within 10-15 miles from city, zip. I do have reliable transportation.

////END ONE SHEETER

then you bring that into the interview and have it in front of you. that’s pretty good huh. if I can emphasize all those points.

Uhhh you know what, I might allow a TWO sheeter if your one sheeter is like size 7 or 6 font, thats SO small you can barely read it. so just crank up the font until your one sheeter is now 2 sheets. might do that with the above one.

anyway yeah what happened is just SAD. I embarrassed myself and pushed away a decent person. but she could have done a little bit more tho. but that doesnt make her a dirty slut. she was overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed AS FOOK. shit i was overwhelmed TOO. and what resulted was just SAD. almost sadder than a DEATH. death makes SENSE and give Closure compared to this. Yep in a way its worse than death hahaha. cuz were both still alive. she is living her life and just wants to be done with me and i am living my life and I wish she was still in it, muh life was better with her in it and then she just left wawawawawaw. well she didnt just leave, i made her leave. i pushed her away hahahahaha.

its just so SAD. the SADDEST ending of a rel ever. cuz we had a real rel AND she was a really good person AND it ended in a sad horrible way.

its not like we never knew each other, like with the other sluts; its not like she was a slut, like those sluts.

its just SAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDD as fook.  the whole situation is sad. I am sad hahaha. i think about it and get sad. so dont think about it hahahahaha. easier said than done. when you lose a great person you didnt want to lose.

i mean what she did is not good……but plenty of people do A LOT worse. like cheating. cheating is SO common and its SO many times worse.

also stuff like manipulation and narcissism. very common, and also very worse.

lots of people have trouble being courageous. i do too. i am a coward too.

so i cant really BLAME her. i CAN wish she acted a little better though.

I wish I acted a little better too though! I’m really a decent person I swear! I dont do bad things like cheating, narcissism, manipulation, entitlement!!!!! I just am like the cowardly lion, I wish I had more courage to deal with things STRAIGHT UP.

she’s not a bad person, I’m not a bad person, we were technically really good for each other, we got along really well, but she just didnt have special feelings. and i went crazy and i pushed her and she went crazy and it was a very sad ending to a very beautiful, special, important relationship. how am I ever going to find something taht special again. I wish she had just chosen me hahaha. woke up to what a good thing it would be. we could be really good to each other.

so SAD. I would much rather be MAD than SAD. saddest “breakup” of muh life.

gotta shave beard clean off tomorrow, babyface. that is gonna be interesting.

 

WHAT WOULD DONALD TRUMP DO / FRIENDS FIRST GAME / 11 YEARS SINCE CUDDLING / SQUAT GUAT / TUALAPOG / ID HANG OUT WITH ME SO HARD

0203

THIS IS THE BEST AND LONGEST POST EVER.

well i will get over the idea that i did a horrible thing and betrayed her and am a bad guy…..

but its much harder to get over the idea that I Failed The Shit Test. She was giving me a shit test because thats just what women naturally do to weed out weak willed men, and be selective, and find good stronk mates, and weed out the weak………and i failed the test and showed myself as weak. failed her shit test.

but i have my doubts that this was an actual shit test, vs her just being super shitty.

now i realize ALL shit tests are subconscious, and the women dont know theyre doing them.

and that shit tests are essentially women acting like Full Retarded Immature Children. and that is stupid and shamefur.

the proper response is to say, i’m not gonna take your shit baby, THIS ENDS NOW. youre acting like a CHILD and you can talk to me when you want to act like a grown ass woman. but i dont negotiate with bratty little children.

then the gurl melts and says ooh thats just what i wanted to hear, you passed the shit test, i luv you now.

also….. i thought shit tests came AFTER the gurl has shown SOME interest in you, most likely have SECS by the third date. but she doesnt really know you and doesnt know if youre a real enough man to continue having secs with her.

also, i failed shit tests with women before, bascially dumped for being Too Beeta……..but they still were NICE to me when they dumped me and didnt go apeshit and treat me like a piece of garbage, or it was my fault for being such a horrible person.

in other words, failing a shit test STILL doesnt mean the woman gets to throw you away like youre a horrible person. they can STILL empathize with you as someone who is gonna be hurt.

but i dont know how shit tests work in Friends First situations. when you already know each other. she had known me for 2+ years, she knew who i was.

are they testing to see if youre willing to just walk out on them if they give you shit?

well i wasnt willing to walk out on her exactly because we already had an established relationship for a long time, and you just dont GIVE UP on people like that, unless they are a trifling brat you JUST MET.

now with shit tests you cant say “just talk to me baby, and we’ll work this out. tell me what you want baby, and i’ll do it.” thats FAILING the shit test.

you have to say, im the MAN, and im not gonna stand for this. STAHP. THIS ENDS NOW. I wont take this shit, we wont talk this out, you’re gonna stop throwing the tantrum, or im gonna find a BETTER WOMAN.

well, its hard to walk out on a qt after youve BANGED her, because you want to bang her MOAR, plus the secs might be naturally, rightfully causing your brain to produce like-like-chemicals. so your willingness to put up with shit and not walk away is increased.

when walking away is not the same thing as giving up. when you you walk away because youre saying “i can do better than this. i dont have to put up with this shit. this is retarded.”

vs walking away as giving up: “i dont want to put in the effort to work on and improve this relationship. im done with them. its over and im pulling the plug.”

i dunno i think BEING ASSERTIVE is not a bad thing. i was never good at being a DICK to women becuase i was always THIRSTY (hahahaha) and DESPERATE for female attention and approval and liking and loving.

but i think you can be assertive and stand up for yourself and say i dont like the way youre treating me, you need to treat me with more respect or were done.

do women see assertiveness as being not masculine enough? or do you need to be more aggressive than assertive?

i dont think aggressiveness HURTS. except when you are being aggressively pushy, creepy, bugging them to hang out when they dont want to hang out. and you are persistent in a stalkery way.

the best advice i have thought of recently is: WHAT WOULD TRUMP DO. WHAT WOULD THE TRUMPENFUHRER DO in this situation, with this woman. how would HE show assertiveness to this Bratty Bitchy Woman whose trying to bust his balls?

THAT is what you must do.

would he let some gurl say oh not now, but later. later. later. for months and months? fook no. hed say, were going out to bla bla on saturday at 7 pm. done. be ready or youre fired hahahaha.

shit. when this first started going on she made it sound like almost playful and possibly flirtatious, like youre the guy, you pick the place. and i responded pretty well like, OF COURSHE ill pick a place, i am decisive as fook and if you dont like it, your loss baby lol. and joking with her. and tyring to point out how i wasnt such a nice guy, i am a total asshole, its my way or the highway. was trying to show that side to her. which i still think was a good idea! but then she STILL kept bailing on me. still making up excuses. i said youve got two strikes already baby, and believe me you dont want a third! youre treading on thin ice! which i thought was halfway decent Game for a sperg autist neet virgin wizard like me! and i still do!

but it didnt work, cuz she still kept up with the lame excuses.

at that point, i should have said THIS ENDS NOW. STAHP STRINGING ME ALONG or i’ll hang out with somebody who doesnt.

and because i failed to do that, i lost out on muh lifelong wife and mother of my children, cuz i made one misstep and responded to one shit test incorrectly hahahahahaha.

again my game was not Perfect, but it was OK considering, and at the beginning of it, it didnt seem she was Stringing Me Along too much. so i continued the Playful Banter and things werent weird yet.

and the excuses werent really THAT lame. some were, like i was sick etc. others were like oh im upset because my cheating boifran cheated on me and im sad, and i thought her opening up to me about that was progress.

but yeah. you could have finally Broke Down and agreed to hang out over Thanksgiving or Crimbo. so I guess things were weird by January 2015. because i had fully expected to hang out with her around tgiving. that was disappointing. that was strike 1 or 2. i thought well if tgiving doesnt work out, xmas or new years definitely will. xmas did not work out. i even blatantly asked her if she wanted to hang out on new years. I DUNNOOOOOOOOOO. THAT should have been strike 3, and on new years day 2015 i should have said: OK. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. THIS ENDS NOW.  but instead there was tension for the next 7 months. and then devastating, pathetic heartbreak for me ever since that.

but do i really WANT a woman who has made the decisions she has? when she has to make big decisions and prove her mettle, she Chokes and chooses Poorly. and its TRAGIC because she can really do better. but do i really want someone who Chooses Poorly when it matters the most?

well i often thought, well, other white women arent much better. i mean how PICKY do i want to be here? we get along well, we know and trust each other, shes been with less than 3 guys, shes not annoying, shes nice, really the pros outweigh the cons here goy, where am i ever gonna find a nice, young, pretty, less than 3, no kids white gurl? wy the hell shouldnt i go all in with her!

shes made a couple of bad decisions, and i wish she had a better father but thats not her fault, her family is good despite that, were all human, ive made some REALLY bad decisions too, and most young cute white women have made a lot worse decisions! i could do so much worse, and really, considering my status, im not gonna do any BETTER!

i dunno. i TRIED to have game at the beginning. i thought i was Gaming pretty well considering me being an omega wizard. gimme a little CREDIT for THAT hahahahah!

but the game didnt work. she kept flaking. now was that because my game was not strong enough? and i should BLAME MYSELF for that?

well the true alpha would say, welp i screwed that one up, but i learned a lesson, and i will do better with the next woman. lets just move on from this.

note well that i am more about marriage game and traditional wife game as opposed to casual sex pulling degen sluts degenerate game!

also, HOW HARD IS IT TO HANG OUT????? i can see soem bitch youve only known for a month and had casual secs with, now blows you off and doesnt hang out with you because youre TOO interested in her……

but how do you Friends First Game?

average Game says, theres no such thing, youre in the Friendzone Forever.

I say, well just tell the gurl your feelings have changed. and then get soundly rejected because women dont like having Adult Conversations, because Serious is not Sexy. You have to speak their bullshit dumb retarded signal language. at which point you are better to be Aggressive He Man, than Assertive Lets Talk About This.

so stupid. what does heartiste say is proper Friends First Game?

i TRUST heartiste because he is pro-white and he is also TRS-approved and he understands the big picture.

even ROOSH is coming around to that, but we dont like Roosh because he is a Kebab and he makes fun of the alt right hahahahaha. ful disclosure: I bought “Day Bang” like 4 or 5 years ago and still dont realy want to get rid of it. i think white wizards like me can learn some basic solid game from a “kebab rapist” like Roosh. but yeah. he shouldnt have mocked the alt right. that was really stupid. not just the alt right, but WHITES. i can’t tolerate that.

plus him going around banging HUNDREDS of white girls. even if they are degen sluts. he is not being a part of the solution. to degeneracy.

but yeah. it just makes me very uncomfortable to think that the average unmarried white gurl is gonna be more or less ok with casual sex.

well this is the DEFEATIST shit schlomo WANTS me to think! NICE TRY SCHLOMO!!!!!!!!!

back in the day, DEFEATIST talk used to be up there with TREASON as an executable offense! or at least you got the shit beat out of you. and then went nuts and Kd yourself and others like private pyle hahahaha.

i have always felt like private pyle unfortuantely hahahahaha.

just to be crystal clear, i dont support the poolside, enjoy the decline, watch the world burn bullshit. i might have been seduced by that DEGENERATE, HEDONISTIC NIHILISM when i was younger, but not anymore. there are values much much much higher than MUH DICK.  and thats all that shit is, is muh dick.

i luv TRS because not only do they have a fun forum, but they have totally engaging the Memeplex and are changing the meme game in a bigger way than any pro-whites ive seen so far. creating memes, changing the language, creating our own language, “dog whistling” to other shitlords with words like “AGENCY” and “TIME PREFERENCE”. not to mention the more jocular memes/words like “cuck” and dindu and gibs which seem to be penetrating our language.

what they are doing is great and exciting and important. and i have been pro white since 2011 hahahahahaha. ive read stormfront and vnn and they are fine and dandy, but TRS is the next big thing and i am GRATEFUL i discovered them.

they would tell me forget about that lost cause mudshark……..but they would also say i am a total beeta lost cause myself, so when you tally up the scorecard, i would have been lucky to pull a white gurl like her. young, less than 5 dicks, no kids, so what if she is a little mudsharky and has no father. pros outweigh the cons. i am a past my prime, 30+ loser who made bad choices in life and now reaps what i sow. i am luck that a white gurl even wanted to hang out with me. the best i deserve is a “BROWN MIDGET REFRIGERATOR” (description of guatamalan/mestizo brown women hahahaha, stout, stocky, short, stumpy, and very unattractive hahahaha.)

i am serious about wanting to date only white girls…..but with my low mate value, i have to find a white girl with ISSUES.  and i did! and i felt they were not dealbreaker issues!

or i could just IMPROVE MYSELF which is what proud white men are SUPPOSED To do. life is a constant journey of SELF IMPROVEMENT for the white man.

heh. for me that is super duper hard. i am losing weight pretty good and trying to treat my Despair with meds and occasional shrink hahahahaha.  i have quit drinking and quit MJ. but i still like MJ and I wish i didnt LIKE it!!!!!!!

i have quit porno and have not looked at it at ALL in…..111 days at LEAST.

i dunno. i had a good upbringing so i cant blame my family. they were just too protective though, if anything they were too loving! and in that sense were enabling of bad habits that would not serve me well as an independent adult who could Survive in the World of Work and Women.

Classic Spoiled Kid Affluenza syndrome reporting in!

but yeah i dont like Dating because i dont think women should be having secs before 6 months into an official relationship, at LEAST; and i dont like the fact that women cant talk about shit and solve problems like MEN hahahaha. im mad at women for not being MEN. hahahahaha.

you cant HATE women for being immature insane bitches. its part of BEING A WOMAN. WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT THAN MEN.

i dunno. i can accept women being VERY different from men, i just WISH they didnt HAVE to be immature, insane, destructive bitches! is that to unrealistic to ask?

probably not.

remember, those crazy bitches i fake dated and made out with and had secs with, who dumped me for being too beta and a doormat and not masculine enough and too interested in them, they still tried to dump me politely and nicely.

heh. j00ish women j00d me less than a white woman. its really discouraging when white women j00 you even worse than ACTUAL j00s hahahaha.

so yeah i can finally believe that i didnt do something HORRIBLY WRONG AND EVIL.

i have a harder time accepting that it was more than a matter of game. if i had just GAMED her better, i would have gotten her. and my major mistake is failing this SHIT TEST.

i would like to think there is no one size fits all way of passing a shit test. donald trump does it one way, uncle adolf does it another way, vlad putin does it another way, the southern gentleman does it another way. i would prefer to be assertive ratherly than overly aggressive, and not be too huge of a dick about it. because thats SAFER hahahaha. because what if being a dick to the woman actually offends the woman and drives her away? hahahaha. yes i am being slightly sarcastic.

bbbbbbut its hard to be a dick to women when you are a desperate doormat who is desperate to not be left by them.

i wish there were a good authority on Friends First Game i could turn to hahahaha.

of course the idea that there is a Game for every situation is pretty degen, see the hilarious twitter account return of kangz whcih is a alt right, pro white parody of return of kings which somebody from TRS forums is doing probably.

https://twitter.com/ReturnOfKangz?lang=en

it seems to be making fun of Game, from a pro white perspective hehehehehe. i dunno. its a really new twitter account but looks promising.

i dunno.

see, i thought Friends could just TALK to each other freely without using stupid GAME.

i thought friends could just HANG OUT with each other REGULARLY.

but i didnt WANT to be just friends.

well i was FINE with being friends at FIRST.

then things changed.

then i wanted to have a friendly talk about that change and just put it out there like a mature adult. no shit tests, no signals, no ultimatums, no bullshit.

but maybe its because im an unmasculine mating market loser that i even THINK Game Is Stupid. If i were a successful man, I would appreciate and respect the Game, as i respect the Differences between men and women.

i respect the differences between men and women, but i still think Game is stupid.

but MGTOW is kind of stupid as well. just pussies giving up and embracing foreveralone as some kind of moral signaling. nope. i dont buy it anymore. im as done with mgtow, as she was done with me hahahahaha.

there are better ways to morally signal hahahah. like by saying you are a traditional white man who wants to have a traditional white family with a traditional white woman.

WHAT WOULD THE DON DO.

he would say, “listen. the first couple times you blew me off, that was understandable. you were going through some tough stuff. but I really thought you would hang out with me around tgiving, crimmus, or new years. enough is enough already. youve been avoiding me for 2 months. this is not ok. this ends now. either we hang out this saturday at 5 pm or you CALL me when youre ready to stop stringing me along and start treating me with the respect i deserve.”

THE END.

put that on a fooking flashcard and MEMORIZE THAT QUOTE.

i am looking for an EPIC DOOM BAND that is MORE EPIC THAN CANDLEMASS.

CANDLEMASS IS NOT EPIC ENOUGH FOR ME.

Candlemass is great and nothing but respect. but i want 10 minute songs, not 6 minute songs hahahahaha.

yes, i am fully aware candlemass invented epic doom and has an album called “EPICUS DOOMICUS METALLICUS.”

yeah i will also take epicish gothic doom death. like my dying bride. that is more than epic enough for me. maybe what i’m looking for are those “gothic”, super melancholy Two Guitar Harmonies.

google how to deal with a shit test

looking for somewhat trusted sources, not easy

http://therationalmale.com/tag/how-to-pass-a-shit-test/

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2013/06/25/compendium-of-female-super-shit-tests/

ok. so you treat them like the BRatty Little Sister. you dont hate them or want to hurt them, but you want to SHOW THEM WHOS BOSS.

WOMEN HATE MEN WHO NEED TO BE TOLD TO BE DOMINANT. hahahahahah. whoooops failed that shit test hahahahah.

Commanding respect is especially important for the kind of testing where they’re just being an annoyance and generally disrespectful. IMO disrespect should not be tolerated and needs to be nipped in the bud, and is an important way to maintain frame control. You simply need to be firm and treat her like a father would to their child who’s being disrespectful. You don’t get angry, you just call her on the behavior and let her know clearly that you won’t stand for it. In a way this is almost a type of pressure flip. You’re taking her negative energy and sliding past it and putting the onus on her to react by changing her approach to the topic. For example:

Her: Nag nag nag.
You: That is disrespectful and I will not tolerate it.

https://whoism3.wordpress.com/2012/11/17/confessions-of-a-reformed-incel/

he seems pretty degen but there are some solid things in this article, poignant tuff feels you will have felt hahahaha. but he watches pron hahahaha. anyway decent article, cant vouch for the rest of the site.

yeah he likes pron too much and hates women too much. and doesnt like to heartiste. but i can basically understand where hes coming from. plus i HAD to read an article called “confessions of a reformed incel.” he went TWELVE YEARS without sex, and i think without even cuddleing or making out, any contact with women basically.

welp… its been 11-12 years without actual secs for me

11 years since touching pvssay, and cuddling

10 years since making out

so….almost as bad hahahahahaha.

11 years since cuddling wow that just sounds SAD hahahahaha.

WHAT WOULD THE DON SAY:

THAT IS DISRESPECTFUL AND I WILL NOT TOLERATE IT.

this is prob muh favorite style. straightforward, no bullshit, no games, clear, direct, honest, short, to the point.

i dont even disrespect RANDOM SLUTS as bad as she disrespected me. how could she do that? im talking about archetypical degenerate, mudshark, casual sex, 30+ dicks, bastard babies, stupid retarded corrupted white skanks. i treat them with the utmost disrespect as a group, and she treated me worse than THAT. showed me less respect than THAT.

if i know someone as an INDIVIDUAL, that counts for something. if i god forbid knew one of those sluts, i would probably treat her with more respect as i would the GROUP. on an individual one on one basis, i try to treat EVERYONE with respect.

the idea she could do that to ME. someone she was once Good Close Friends with. its MIND BOGGLING.

QUOTE

trpalternate 55 points 1 year ago
For the married guys in here, I’ll add one thing that I learned from experience: If you’re faced with passive-aggressive behaviour, ignoring it will, at best, postpone the problem. Passive aggression isn’t the same thing as a veiled shit test. The entire purpose of being passive-aggressive is to niggle at you until either you become cowed by guilt and fear of disapproval, or until you set some boundaries.

You have to confront passive-aggressive behaviour, preferably immediately. When you do so, be firm but not aggressive or angry. Make sure you shoot down any denials (e.g. “I didn’t mean to hurt you”). Also, don’t let her flip the script back on you. If she tries to deflect with something like how you don’t do enough dishes, you can say something like “We’re not talking about dishes. We’re talking about [Insert passive-aggressive action].

Set limits and follow through. Make sure that she knows that further behaviour like that will not be tolerated. Also tell her that if if there is a problem, she is to state it to you directly.

In my case, about an hour after the discussion, she asked me to apologize for getting upset with her. The absurdity of the situation got the better of me and I let a chuckle slip out. Then I told her that she was the one in the wrong, so she will be doing the apologizing. She did. One year in, and that was the last passive-aggressive snipe I have ever dealt with from her.

END

https://web.archive.org/web/20160107223756/http://illimitablemen.com/2014/12/14/the-shit-test-encyclopedia/

gotta dig into this.

you know it seems like less of a shit test and more that she was JUST AVOIDING ME. SHIT TESTS means theyre still INTERESTED, conditionally of course. avoiding you means they just have no interest whatseover.

avoiding is not a shit test.

therefore it was not a shit test that i failed.

anyway they way the more sex obsessed game types talk about women, you think, god damn these women are disgusting, are all women like that? and the gamers would say yes of courshe. all women are immature little cheaters and sluts. i dont like that idea hahahaha.

it sucks to find a Decent Woman and they do something really bad.

why cant they just disappoint you A LITTLE? they have to disappoint you WORSE THAN YOU COUL EVER IMAGINE.

and i dont give people shit tests. i realize even MEN ive each other shit tests all the time, but i dont even do that.

these PUAs are clearly degenerate and the women they fook are clearly degenerate, and i hate to think that All Women Are Like That. that SHE is like that.

maybe she was just chill and nondramatic because she partook a lot of MJ. do i REALLY want to be with a woman who does a lot of MJ? turning your mind to MUSH, and probably makes you MORALLY LAZY as well? not being able to do the right thing when the time comes?

well i wanted to do MJ with her, chill out and cuddle together, and i just cared that she was not a slut. had a low number.

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2008/12/29/its-easy-to-identify-a-slut/

hehehehe

https://goodbyeamericainaphoto.wordpress.com/

i think heartiste has another blog and this is it

heartiste was one of the first guys i read that really got me thinking, and i still come back to him. i read him when i was an approval seeking shitlib. helped me see the error of muh ways! and he is still great. i think he is probably on board with pro white K selected family stuff.

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2010/09/16/why-sluts-make-bad-wives/

i like how he mansplains stuff that really shouldnt need an article to mansplain. why do sluts make bad wives?

TO ASK THE QUESTION IS TO ANSWER IT!

oh dear god. beta college boy dating dominant abusive woman, she goes batshit breaking shit making noise, cops called, they make them visit a college counselor, girl complains about man being WEAK and counselor says that Your Weakness is a Triggering Issue for her, maybe you should work on that mkay hahahahaha. so you dont force her to beat you with a shovel.

yeah this guys a huge pussy and doesnt even deserve an abusive gf…….but even weak unmanly shitlib sjw swpl phaggots dont deserve to be abused and threatened by their relship partners!

degen icelandic feminist whores sing triggering song about how they are huge buttsluts who love to take it up the ass. because it destroys patriarchy and destroys toxic masculinity and shows solidarity with oppressed gays. an acceptable form of appropriation hahaha. also stick it to the prudish squares. let your white daughter become a horrible anal wh0re hehehehe.

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2015/08/27/white-nationalist-game/

heh heartiste might be ONE OF US hahahaha

http://archive.is/EuSlG

8pol thread related

ive been rejected by women before……but this one has been THE WORST.

yeah i will survive, i am probably getting a little better, but shit. at this point my woman hating levels are THROUGH THE ROOF.

but the good news is that more pro-white than ever before. i might even just admit that I Am A “White Nationalist.”

well i dont like labels, but i am definitely not Anti White Nationalist! And I Am White and HOLY FOOK I LUV BEING WHITE!!!!!!!! and I feel great loyalty to my RACE.

prior to 2012 i was very open to Race Realism but I didnt want to apply the label to myself. Was not all hardcore 1488 hahahaha. but when i got rejected by woman2012 i decided to go all in and be like fook it. i hate nonwhites and women hahahaha. im not trying to win any bitches approval. if anything i want to signal for white women who also believe in the 14 words like me!!!!!!!!!! and countersignal to fooking mudsharks, race traitors, sluts, etc.

oh i can fook whoever i want whenever i want and its not cheating because i never agreed that our rel was MONOGAMOUS hahahahahaha ayyyyyyy lmao idk ikr tbh fam smh

i hate it when bitches harshly dump you because you didnt READ THEIR MIND correctly. and asked for clarification about the complicated issues. i thought women LOVED to TALK about COMPLICATED DRAMA. sometimes but not always. sometimes theyd just rather show you shitloads of hostile disrespect, more disrepect than you would show the dirtiest whore, they show to YOU, even though you were a important part of each others LIVES for YEARS. nope. it dont matta. nunnadis mattas. WHO CARES. MEANS NOTHING. you’re just worthless garbage. like you never existed.

I GAVE HER MANY CHANCES. SHE GAVE ME NO CHANCE.

went to Gym and focused mostly on my new incline fetish. no its not a fetish, its just a new interest. SCHLOMO wants to denigate all your HEALTHY interests into “fetishes.” well that said, there are actual fetishes, and they are degenerate and should be shamed and shunned. but dont call a healthy gym thing a fetish cuz its not.

anyway went all out there on at least a 5% incline if not 6, and now feel much more tired and like the muscles got a serious Workout. so i can have a nice Muscular Ass so Tyrone and Mohamed can Pozz me and i can be a good Power Bottom hahahahaha. hahahahaha. no thats obv degenerate af.

but yeah that was good ultimately. think i am getting a cold tho. that is not good but hay at least i dont have to go into the Contact Center with 50 other hacking coughing sneezing people and answer phones all day.

i was suprised at how FEW blacks there were there. because blacks in Contact Centers will often give you the runaround and say they cant help you, get this info and call back, because they dont want to put in the effort and thought to solve the problem. however whites care and whites have real empathy and actually honestly want to help you, so they put their own quality scorecard and therefore their jobs at risk by taking longer to help you. and then bringing work problems home with them, studying in between shifts, until they go crazy and either go postal, K others, K themselves, or quit, because they dont want to be like a black and just quit. well i am willing to quit a job because i am a spoiled neet and a disgrace to my white race!

if the job were less ridiculous i might not have quit it. if SHE wasnt there i definitely would not have quit it. i was not man enough to take both struggles and stressors at once. i broke down like a little omega neet fuccboi boipucci neet wizard virgin manlet with no agency. a piece of white trash hahahaha. even white TRASH was good enough to hold onto the job!

but yeah her karma is a lot worse than mine. its bad karma to quit a job…….but not super bad. -1 to her -20. -30, -50.  it is horrible karma to ABORT or DELETE someone from your life that you had A Good Relationship with for a matter of YEARS. how would ANYONE react to that? even the most normie chad would be PRETTY DAMN UPSET.

and thank god i dont have to LIVE with that hanging over my head forever! she will just push it down deep though and Forget It All. It Never Happened. is THIS REALLY the kind of person I want to be sharing the rest of my life with? OF COURSHE NOT!

but it sucks that she is capable of treating some OTHER guy right and being a great wife to HIM! but she decided I wasnt worthwhile enough to treat with even a LITTLE respect. im not asking for a LOT. im asking for a LITTLE, and IMHO i had a Reasonable Expectation to a Little. and i want reasonable good wifeworthy less than 3 dix women to agree with me on that.

I was BTFOd. COMPLETELY. BTFOD. did i deserved to get BTFOd? no. at worst i deserved to have her bitch at me for a little bit, but that would involve talking to me. she couldnt even care enough to talk to me to bitch at me. damn.

how can someone who you were so close to you, do something SO COLD to you?

i figured she didnt like like me, but I also thought that she LIKED me as a person a LOT. put a lot of VALUE on me. and when people VALUE you, they don’t TUALAPOG/Abort/Delete you.

shift+delete you!

so now if someone says or acts like they value me as a person, how am i to know theyre not bullshitting?

and i dont think she WAS bullshitting.

blame it on the fooking MJ. the DEVILS cabbage. the HERBAL J00. it CLOUDS YOUR MIND and stupid stoners LAFF about that (“the halflings pipe-leaf has Clouded Their Mind” LOLOLOLOLOLOL) and laff about that, without realize it can cloud your mind on very IMPORTANT shit, like making decisions of MORALITY and doing the right thing. throw this person away then just smoke w33d for years and its like IT NEVER HAPPENED. cheat, kill your baby, neglect your children, and just smoke w33d all the time and its like the shit never happened.

see when i smoked weed, if i wasnt anxious as fook, i felt GUILTY for being a bad horrible weak shitty person. smoking w33d would certain INCREASE my guilt if I did something HORRIBLE to another person!

but it doesnt appear to have that effect on her at all! nope! just chills her right out!

is this the type of woman you want to share the rest of your life with? mother of your children? just because shes WHITE and under 30 and doesnt have any bastard kids????

but you get along really really well and feel really close to hahahaha.

maybe i was just so desperate for a woman that that desperation finally sparked my feelings. and if i had real OPTIONS, i would see how she should not be the first priority.

but i had no options. no plates spinning hahahaha.

maybe if i did, she would have wanted me. lawd knows when SHE had some changes in HER relship status, that sparked MY interest and pushed me over the edge!

When she had a Long Term BF, i had no interest in luv, or secs, as women prefer to call it hahahaha.

when that rel ended, i said HMMM. i really get along with this woman very well, we are good close friends, shes not unattractive, shes got no kids, shes got really nice hair and white skin and legs, shes super nice, she treats me well…….HMMM.

(she did not use me as a Beta Orbiter Crying Shoulder Emotional Support, so that was good? although i was very willing to give her emo support if she neeeded it.)

then there was the biggest regret time of july 2014 where we hung out and she was super nice to me, but i was still going HRMMMM and did not make a move.

but its very possible that she was just nice to me because she was NORMALLY nice to me! but once she figured out i might like her…..she became very NOT nice to me. bad sign hahahaha. and imho much more than a shit test or bitch shield.

yep this whole tragic sad story illustrates the tragedy of white trash. they are our white kith and kin and we should treat them as such…..but they are just so goddamn heartbreakingly disappointing. they can come SO CLOSE to shaking off the Trashy aspect and fully embrace their white potential…..but at their highest point, they Choose Poorly and start sinking back into the muck and the mud forevermore. but you WANT to help them. you know what theyre capable of. you know they could be so much better if they just didnt make such bad choices and have such bad habits. usually broken families and drugs/alcohol. the damage schlomo does to these poor white families! it should make your white blood boil!

it almost feels like a religious calling for me. the one thing i am really passionate about in a world of despair and disappointment and failure, largely my own, is The White Race. it is essentially my religion. or as some WN thinkers would say, Nature’s Eternal Religion. Sounds good to me!

who do you hang out with if YOU YOURSELF are the negative influence, and no healthy normies want to hang out with losers? You wouldnt hang out with a loser like you! you know well enough that you should SHUN losers, because bad company brings you down!

well…..hehehehe its not true that i wouldnt hang out with me. ID HANG OUT WITH ME SO HARD. i am pleasantly surprised by my confidence there. i am completely unconfident i can get a job or get a woman, but i am very confident that i am hangoutwithable and that i can lose weight.

of courshe it doesnt help manlets like me to lose weight because if you are under 5’10 you are INVISIBLE to women, they dont care if youre fat or thin. (disqualifying the positive)

well i could get a real shitty job like nonstop customer service in companies with VERY high turnover except by the most desperate, like me hahahaha.

and i could very likely get a 30 year old nonwhite woman, maybe a SQUAT GUAT or a Fat Laotian or a Fat Black Woman. Black Women are usually single and they actually like me. black women LOVE me and show me great interest. well not really but they are generally pretty nice to me. i could probably pull a 30 year old black woman with black kids if i were that desperate. and i dont want to be that desperate!

not that they dont deserve somebody 2 Luv! everybody deserves someone 2 Luv!

but as an avowed out of the closet White Nationalist 1488, Interracial Dating and especially MATING is, Y’KNOW, like kinda important to me!

ridiculous QUOTE from my own What 2 Say In An Interview File:
Economics has taught me that everything has a COST. Also about the laws of supply and demand. Marketing has taught me how to create demand and add value.

do not trash you current company when interviewing for a new job. If they ask you why you are leaving, tell them you are happy with what you accomplished at old company but are looking for a place that can provide longer term growth and challenges.

You HAVE to have a thick skin. You HAVE to be able to take “hazing”, whether its from clients or co workers. They probably dont mean it personally, and more importantly, you have to control your emotions, not let them control you. It may be that the person is testing you to see how you deal under pressure. Of course its under pressure that our true self comes out, and we have the chance to really prove ourselves…or choke. If its a coworker simply trying to get under your skin, you can let their words roll right off of you like water off a ducks back, and even give them a taste of their own medicine. If its a client, you simply ignore the disrespect and “kill them with kindness.” In short, in the real world, people don’t always treat you the way you would like to be treated, and you can’t let it bother you, or you won’t get far in life. Sometimes people also push you or test you to see how much they can get away with, and whether or not you will be flustered by verbal jibes or japes. I have self respect and wont allow myself to be treated as a doormat, however I also know how to respect authority and submit when a superior is ordering me to do something. I personally do not usually test people in this way. I simply use the golden rule and treat everybody the way I want to be treated, and I want to be treated with RESPECT.

you can’t just have a Big Picture View. You have to have a Tiny Picture View as well. Super Macro AND Super Micro. you need to be like the EAGLE soaring above at 5000 feet, and be able to see a mouse on the ground below, and zoom in on it with laser like precision. Essentially zoom in from a 5000 foot view to a 1 foot view in a second, with equal clarity at both levels, and at all levels in between. What good is someone who can see super macro and super micro, but they cant discern the large gray area in between? You might see the forest, and you might see a tree…..but could you see HALF the trees? I bring a wide range of accuracy and detail to thought and vision. I am efficient working and solving problems at ALL levels.

Efficiency without effectiveness is not efficient.

Effectiveness without efficiency is not effective.

END

I literally have at least 8 hours of me reading the bullshit in that huge file. not sure how many pages it is, but it is 44000 words, which is about 6-7 times longer than this post so far.

WHAT IF once she hits 30 she contacts me and wants to get Together 4 Realz and fully apologizes and feels bad for what she did. Would I be stupid and desperate enough to accept? probably, if that were the end of the story.

so start adding layers of Red Flags.

what if she has a bastard kid from some deadbeat.

what if the bastard is half BLACK.

what if she has TWO white bastards.

she would CERTAINLY have elevated her number above the National Median of 3. But would she be above 10? 20?

if she had NONE of these dealbreakers i probably would.

she would probably be making more money than me anyway ayyy lmao.

what if she had had x abortions during that time?

assuming a woman would tell you the truth about the number of ABORTIONS she’s had. they are more likely to tell the truth about the number of COX they’ve had! unless they are an out and out abortion lover and baby life hater, in which case……very big red flag.

at 30 she would prob still look ok (unless she doesnt!!!!) but she would look a hell of a lot worse than she looks now! she still has a valuable couple of years before she hits 30!

but i’m OVER 30 ffs!!!!!!!

so what. i would have married young if i had the opportunity. i didnt. or i was too weak to MAKE the opportunity. so now im an older man who wants a younger woman. that is pretty natural actually tbh fam.

but i totally would have married young if i were in a good, healthy, LTR with a young, decent woman. i wouldnt throw it away for some grass is greener bullshit, or some Discover Yourself and Experience The “World” bullshit that women do hahahahaha. and throw away good men who loved them and would have been good husbands for them.

well also if i had a decent career too would be a plus. the Top 10% of Whites do have good careers at age 21. you just got to OUTCOMPETE people to get there and be the 10% best in your field. i did not do this obviously.

though i was in the top 10% for grade school and high school! then became Perfectly Average 50% in college, and after college, my stock kept falling and falling hahahahaha to the point where i wont even state the basics of my life because its just too shameful. basically a huge underachieving white neet. nothing BUT shame in my game!

for rich or poorer, for better or worse, through good times or bad. i never met a bitch that was willing to stick with me through the tuff times.

i guess thats not TOO weird. you gotta EARN it. its a STRUGGLE. its a hero’s quest to find your true maiden. i get that.

but uhhhhh how about you just show me a shred of mercy when you BOLT at the first sign of struggle. say SORRY for leaving me in the lurch before you go jump on the c0k carousel.

im not even sure wordly sluts know of the term cok carousel. ive used the term around men who loved it, well that there was a word for that sort of thing, but ive never used it in conversation with women.

they would probably say ewww thats nasty but still essentially BE ON the cok carousel as they say that.

harder to rationalize away that cognitive dissonance after youre 30 and unmarried. better have a baby with the next deadbeat so you can have some meaning in your life and have someone to chain to you, because its sure as hell not going to be a Good Man. so just use an defenseless, innocent little Human Life you irresponsibly created, B!TCH!

hahahahahaha def a bit of an Anger sort of day.

this is why its hard to get along with women and be friends with them. cuz they are such horrible people hahahaha. so its amazing i even FOUND a woman i got along with very well, and became good friends! you can pump and dump MONSTERS, but can you really Like and Respect them? of COURSHE not!

with couples who are always breaking up and getting back together with each other 10 times, they are still talking and fooking and can actually EXPRESS this sort of anger with each other, instead of just leaving the person alone in their own hell which you had a 50% hand in creating.

and after arguing and arguing and breaking up and getting back together 10 times, BOTH people can say, welp theres no gas left in the tank anymore. this is a dead shark. we are BOTH done. i dont hate you, i wish you well, but this rel is dead, and neither one of us can or wants to bring it back. thanks for the good times, and have a good life.

i SO much would have preffered that. THAT would have been 6000000 times better than TUALAPOG.

just let both parties argue and scream until there is nothing left to say, no gas left in the tank, no anger left, no luv left. that would be SO FOOKIN AWESOME. I WOULD LUV THAT. GIMME THAT ALL DAY OVER THIS.

hmm. in like sept and oct 2014, when i was JUST STARTING to get feelings for her, i was like a BOSS. i didnt like my job but i wasnt in danger of QUITTING IT due to Emotional Insecurity; I said YEP i am gonna TALK to her SOON and get that over with, whats next. hopefully find a better job and get the fook outta here and maybe get a Nice GF for once in my life, maybe. I even used a bit of Playful Tuff Guy Chad GAME with her, saying, I’ll pick where were going (because i know thats how to Win Gurls Approval hahahahaha) and such.

then she had a series of GOOD excuses as well as not so good excuses. tgiving and xmas and new years passed….and NO HANG OUT. i was frustrated. I HAD NOT SEEN THIS COMING. I THOUGHT FOR SURE we would have hung out and talked about this by now.

then job got even worse, and i got even worse, and the excuses got worse. i texted her cutesy shit almost every day and got Warm Fuzzies when she responded. but i had dozens of text drafts i DIDNT send her. that were basically playful fun ways of me telling her i liked her. shit i should have just send some of those. then i would have saved a few months, she prob wouldnt have reacted AS bad, and the issue would be out there.  blurting it out does not have to be all serious. it could have been any one of those dozens of silly texts.

heh. DONT YOU EVEN CARE HOW MY LIFE IS GOING, YOU STUPID COWARDLY B1TCH!!!!!!

i could be dead, in a psych ward, started drinking again, in jail for all she knows.

not that i would EVER K myself over a woman and more importantly, i’d never threaten a woman with that, because thats really really horrible apparently hahahahahaha. then you are the bad guy. then you DID do something horribly wrong and not be aware of it.

WELL I NEVER DID THAT and hopefully never will.

heh. she is prob busy with the busy time at the job right now. hopefully getting the same confusing bullshit I got. i want it to get under HER skin and her to get flustered and frustrated so she knows how I felt. and then have her work friends STAHP giving her moral support. but when has a WOMAN ever stahpped getting moral support. someone is always there to hold their hand through the tuff times hahahahaha. but we MEN do it ALONE.

well i got moral support from other people than her thank god. but it was so disappointing to see someone whod once been your Real Life Friend, shrink back to your Work Friend, to just a Work Acquaintance, to NOBODY.

it happens. but i never left a person in the lurch when they were reaching out to me. i ALWAYS responded and apologized. even if it was kinda half hearted hahahaha. also no one was ever really that DESPERATE to reach out to me. but if they WERE, id respond to them. try to ease their worried mind at least a LITTLE bit. show them a LITTLE kindness to someone who was once my friend.

thats all i wanted hahahaha. just a LITTLE kindness. not a lot.

 

 

AN IMPOSSIBILITY UPON AN IMPOSSIBILITY

1117

well i want to start on my affirmations again, i started a new file and am trying to practice them. real flashcard type stuff. for example:

POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS ABOUT THE SELF
created: 11 16 2015

I deserve a partner who loves me for who I am and treats me kindly.

I deserve a job which recognizes and rewards my skills.

I am a great communicator.

I have great interpersonal skills.

Dear GOD Please help me. (might be too desperate hahaha)

I deserve kindness and open communication in a relationship.

I am not an abuser and did not deserve the harsh way I was treated.
(they say not to use “not” but cant think of better way to phrase it)

I like and respect women when I get to know them individually.

I am working to overcome adversity and be a man.

I am dealing with legitimately stressful and traumatic life events.

I accept that Its Over Forever.

I cannot make her change her mind even if shes making a mistake.

I do not want to be with someone who would have to be coerced into being with me.

It is legit devastating to lose someone important to you; it will take a long time to get through this protracted pain, but I am doing it day by day.

I will treat myself like I would treat a beloved friend. For whom I would only want the best. Give them solace, comfort, and the truth.

It takes a long time to stop loving somebody, about a year. I am getting through it and facing it one day at a time.

I do not hate or judge anyone. I treat people as individuals.

I am a good worker and worthy of being hired into a 15DAHJ.

It is legit VERY painful to be dumped by someone you love. I didnt want the rel to end. That’s why it takes a long time to get over. I was not ready for the rel to end.

It legit hurts to be abandoned.

its harder to get over when you are the dumpee because you didnt want it to end.

But I am getting over it one day at a time.

I provide excellent customer service.

I genuinely want to help custmers, clients, people in general.

I am worthy of attenion and love from women.

I am constantly improving every day in every way (hahahaha)

////

so there it is. i am just starting out.

went to the fatness last night for 2 hours of treadmill and got about 7.2 miles in with decent amount of jogging at 5 and 6 mph. got extremely sweaty, pouring sweat, shirt ridiculously soaked with sweat, often as young women were using the treadmill right next to me. surprisingly and pleasantly, i did not care. i was secure and comfortable with my sweaty hairy potato body. wiping my sweaty face with a damn paper towel.

now did i not care because i hated and felt contempt for the woman? like oh shes a slut she can go suck d’s and ride the cock carousel anyway? uhhhh i hope not.

That Person was in decent shape and had a very nice body and she did not go to the GYM at all. if she did she would just get MORE fawning attention hahahahahahahahaha from guys who wanted to fook and or luv her.

well its a good thing for me to go here and get rid of calories and such. i think this is the only way i could have a change at pulling a woman who doesnt look like a potato hahahaha. so maybe one day i could be worthy of the ugliest fattest gurl at the gym. who would be a marked step up from fat ugly women who dont go to the gym.

i really have the greatest sympathy for the fatties and oldies and uglies, because at least they are TRYING. they dont HAVE to be here. they could be watching talmudvision and stuffing their fat faces. but instead they are here huffing and puffing on the treadmill with me.

i tried the “elliptical” well i dont even know what it is called. you pedal with your feet in a vaguely walking elliptical shape while pumping the levels with your arms. it is like a very exagerrated shape based off running, but it feels like it would be easier on your joints and such, less impact. which is great, but even on level 1 it was kind of exhausting, way more exhausting than the treadmill. i watched people going at 5 mph average and i was like shit i can barely do 3 on this thing! 3 on this thing is twice as hard as 3 on the treadmill! i stayed on it for 10 minutes then went back to the treadmill.

the problem is people are always jogging. never walking. and when they are walking they are powerwalking at like 4 mph. my ideal pace is 2.8 mph. i dont care for constant powerwalking.  but all these people around me are always jogging like morons, so i have to jog moar; or i see a fit black man and then a fit white woman, and then i think, well, i’ve gotta directly compete with HIM for HER, and right now he is beating my ass in the competition.

these sound like hateful weird thoughts but they are not obsessive at all, i might be right next to the fit black guy and it doesnt bother me. what is 900000000000000000 times worse is the thoughts of THAT PERSON and also of trying to Rebuild Life.

might be getting sore throat or some kind of infection from being around all those damn people hahahaha.

it was like being at job in room with 50 sick people ahcking and coughing because they couldnt take unpaid time off because we were ON BLACKOUT, so they just came ot work sick, got everyone else sick, and everyone was answering a nonstop stream of phone calls trying to fix weird confusing shit where we knew even less than the caller, while trying to meet all our metrics and do things we didnt know how to do, al while explaining things we didnt understand to the callers hahahahaha while hacking and coughing and

even in 1964 the beatles were totally degenerate with songs like “a hard days night.” ok he was talking about working all day, and there are a number of songs like this, but the impression i get was that they are complaining about tedious factory work which was available in the west in the 60s to working class unskilled young men; rather than even lower paying and more anxiety inducing customer service work; because if youre anxious all the time, you cant be creative musically. you dont even want to LISTEN to music. anyway all the way back in 1964 they were making innuendoes to all the degen secs things they were gonna do to their Slag Shackjobs.

when did The Pill become widely available? 1968 (guessing)? so why such celebrations of recreational secs in 1964 then?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Combined_oral_contraceptive_pill

Although the FDA approved the first oral contraceptive in 1960, contraceptives were not available to married women in all states until Griswold v. Connecticut in 1965 and were not available to unmarried women in all states until Eisenstadt v. Baird in 1972.[89][93]

ok how about uk

In October 1961, at the recommendation of the Medical Advisory Council of its CIFC, the FPA added Searle’s Conovid to its Approved List of Contraceptives.[131] On December 4, 1961, Enoch Powell, then Minister of Health, announced that the oral contraceptive pill Conovid could be prescribed through the NHS at a subsidized price of 2s per month.[132][133] In 1962, Schering’s Anovlar and Searle’s Conovid-E were added to the FPA’s Approved List of Contraceptives.[111][129][130]

so in other words, unmarried slags could easily get the pill in UK before in USA, by the time of beatles 1964.

i wonder if getting rejected by a decent marriageable woman is more painful than getting rejected by a dirty single mom slut.

hell yes! because its ACTUALLY someone you would WANT to be with long term! its a higher quality person! and you cant blame it on them being a fickle stupid whore, but rather on yourself for not being quality enough of a man!

but at any rate, even if that person was a quality marriageable woman……..the way she rejected me was not classy at all. THIS IS NOT THE WAY A DECENT WOMAN REJECTS A MAN.

yeah i just cant be a real mgtow because i want women too much. i dont want to exclude women from my life. i dont want to quit women. i would rather keep enduring damn heartbreak and disappointment for the change to make it work even just one time with one woman. maybe i would be willing to hang out with damn stupid sluts. provided they are in their 20s, dont have kids, and are attractive hahahaha. its probably better to have meaningless slutsex than never be with women at all ever. then when you get demoralized by the slutsex, just quit.

but recreational casual slutsex CAN teach a man to become a better MAN, whereas it teaches women NOTHING about being a better woman. its makes them a WORSE woman.

Richter, Max:Sleep: Path 19 (yet frailest)

something i heard on the classical station yesterday that really grabbed me

very nice. new music does not usually grab me.

this was super chill yet sad and i thought this is like the theme music to my life hahahahahaha

when you GET DUMPED by someone you luv, it takes a LONG TIME to get over fully, as in, to stop thinking of them every day, to have them fade into the past, for you to be ready to luv someone else. or maybe even like them. yes the fact that they dumped you when you didnt want to get dumped is VERY relevant and makes it SUPER painful.

i didnt want it to end. i wanted it to get stronger. i was in luv with her. and then that all came VIOLENTLY to an end, of her initiation. you think thats NOT gonna hurt for a long time? you think ANYONE would get over that quickly? only a SOCIOPATH COULD get over quickly.

she will get over it quickly because

1. she didnt have any feelings

2. she WANTED it to end.

i had a TON of feelings, and i SO didnt want it to end, and it ended in the most trainwreck way possible. so OF COURSE it will take a lonnnnngggggg time to get over. something would be wrng with me if it DIDNT take a LONG time!!!!!

do i have shyness, or social anxiety? wtfs the difference. i have both hahahaha.

so what do i say when describing this woman to future women? just say i Dated her for 2 and half years and i got dumped? cuz Women Wouldnt Understand how I could LOVE someone i never FOOKED. cuz FOOKING is the be all end all for Most Women hahahaha.

fook it. i will just get patronizing and say you dont have to FOOK someone to LOVE them. LOVE is build on trust and long term compatibility. which we had. therefore i luved her.

Proverbs 26:11 King James Version (KJV)

11 As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.

hahahahahaha i know i had heard that one before. i guess dogs eat their own puke. why not.

hey come on when a gurl TRULY LUVS a man and HE dumps her, how do you think SHE feels? HORRIBLE! DEVASTATED! and it takes a LONG time to FULLY get over him. USUALLY it drives them to do real stupid things: casual secs, stalking him, remaining in constant contact, behaving REALLY SHAMEFULLY in other words, and i have done none of that. i am not deluded. i still want her to change her mind…….but i know she wont.

1118

In my experience it’s usually a waste of time and energy, when someone treats you with utter contempt, to respond with respect.

says a commenter on youtube.

well i tried to treat her with kindness and luv, not sure if i was capable of “respect” , but i was like pleeeeeeeeease work with me her, please talk to me.

how can it NOT be harder to be the dumpee. you DONT WANT the rel to end. they do, and THEY end it. meanwhile you are flailing and grasping saying please no dont leave me i dont want this to end.

supposedly they might feel guilt later but still. i think it is way worse to be the dumpee. cuz you never wanted it to end.

had a stupid dream where she sent me a long text message. i didnt even read the whole thing which was weird. i immediately called her but got voice mail. i left a long voice message saying thank you for contacting me, i really really want to talk to you, im not mad at you, please lets reconnect, please lets talk asap, call me, email me, text me, please respond. i cant remember what exactly the text message she sent me said. why didnt i read it closely? possib because it didnt matter to me, just the fact that she was contacting me at all. she could have been saying sorry i dont have feelings for you but lets be friends again if you promise not to be weird hahahahaha.

well it wasnt my feelings itself that was weird, it was the fact that we could never have 10 minutes alone privately to talk. i didnt want to talk at the job. i really couldnt. it was an unchill place and all the discussions were about the job, becuase you knew in less than 10 minutes you were gonna go back inside that building and get slammed with something ridiculous. you couldnt have a serious conversation about Life.  thats why i wanted to hang out outside of work!!!! like we used to!! before i scared her away by being weird weirdo hahahaha. and this is seriously the level of analysis by Some Women. asking them to consider WHY he was being so weird is an Exercise In Futility.

but yeah i dont really WANT to be a MGTOW, cuz its kinda SAD. in some ways i do NEED a woman, in that i feel it is My Calling to one day Be With a Special Woman, rather than never having that happen. i found a woman that was Super Special. my search was done. now i just had to have her want to be with me. finding the decent woman is one impossibility. having her WANT to be with you is another impossibility.

its an impossibliity upon an impossibility!

she had some “baggage” but it was not dealbreaking baggage. like if a gurl has ever been raped or molested or abused as a young gurl, that really messes them up. or if they have gone through a big slut phase, having casual recreational secs with all their many male friends.

she had no good father figure which was potential baggage, but she wasnt raped or abused and never became a slut, had a decent mother, never had that rebellious phase where the teen gurls start doing drugs and slutting it up and really seeking tons of male attention. all those pitfalls for gurls with absent fathers. she avoided them thankfully. grew up to be a decent woman with morals and values. and it hurts a lot more when these women reject you. cuz its a decent marriageable woman. something of real value is lost. you are losing someone that is truly important to you and not just some dirty gutter slut.

well to my credit i have not fallen for dirty gutter sluts in like 6 years.

but its more painful to be rejected by decent good women.

i have to live with the fact that i will NEVER fully understand this situation and why she did that. because she was angry because i was weird. so I was the root cause, me and my weirdness. well i was being weird because she was being distant! and it hurts when someone is good to you then they stop being good to you!

Some Women do this all the time. just lose interest. or turn cold.

i have never Just Lost Interest in somebody I was once close to. I have drifted apart from people due to time and distance, where it seemed kind of mutual. but if they contacted me i always eventually responded respectfully. i appreciate the friendship we once had.

IT HURTS TO BE ABANDONED! i cant believe i need to explain this to All You Women! I KNOW you’ve been abandoned before! by your fathers, by deadbeat badbois who you were in luv with and never lost interest in.

but yeah to get BORED with a PERSON because they were interesting like a new shiny toy one minute…..then the next minute you move onto the next new shiny thing, discarding and replacing the “old” one (really only a few weeks or months “old.”)

talk about OBJECTIFICATION!

how do you think that makes the discarded person feel? that they were only interesting enough to hold your damn attention for a few weeks/months?

then they may blame themselves but of course its really the damn womans fault. treating people like Interest Objects, new shiny toys that quickly lose their luster.

it speaks more of the woman than of the “toy”/man!!!!!!

“but if you were more interesting, i wouldnt lose interest in you”

do any of your REAL friends say that about you?

but These/Some women arent your real friends. they arent loyal to you, they dont like you for who you are, they just wanted recreational secs with you, decided that even that was too WEIRD, and then dumped you hahaha.

i think men naturally want to be with women. and the marxist sexual revolution and the pill and abortion and “womens lib” and all that affected women directly. and by affecting women it affected men.

NEVER give women loyalty that they haven’t EARNED. no they cannot earn loyalty by secs, although they used to, before they became MERCENARIES. not a good way to be. the best way they can earn your loyalty is through THEIR loyalty. note how loyal they are to you and make an effort to be NO MORE LOYAL than THAT.

THis can be challenging because its in men’s nature to be loyal.

women naturally have a pandoras box within them that naturally must be suppressed or managed or held back.

that seems kind of weird. i mean why should your natural state be destructive?

are woman naturally r-selected? if anything women should be K selected and men r selected. so i dont think thats the point exactly.

well i think sensible women dont WANT to be promiscuous chad chasers. and they DO view secs as the serious thing WHICH IT IS. they realize that casual sex is bad for woman, and that sex is for reproduction FIRST, and pleasure a very distant second, even if the pleasure might be substantial. but that is ONLY in service of the PRIMARY goal: to REPRODUCE. to have babies. for which women have the lions share of the responsibility because they CARRY the child. they GET PREGNANT.

how can women not understand this, as women? because theyve been brainwashed and their mothers have been brainwashed. therefore i have to Mansplain and Cissplain (hahahahaha) what it means to be a woman hahahaha.

but really have i had to cissplain all that to actual live women? no not really. because i never associated with women who were Like That. I Chose My Women carefully hahahahahaha. so its all the more disappointing when they reject me hahaha.

i am tempted to contact other people to contact her on my behalf, but certainly she would see that as further PROOF of my weirdness and try to slander me as WEIRD to those people. she probably already HAS. like oh i stopped talking to him because he was acting totally WEIRD and it made me FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE. oh well that settles it, he’s the bad guy, you dump him to the curb gurlfran, what a piece of shit he is for making you feel uncomfortable! thats as bad as abuse or rape!

when the sensible thing to say was, well he was just being weird cuz he had feelings for you and you kept blowing him off, he wasnt a bad guy, you should at least write him an email, he is probably heartbroken, and you dont want that on your conscience.

tfw a person shows INTEREST in you, then over time they lose that interest. it hurts. i cant believe i have to spell this out. but do i really?

did i feel ABANDONED by the previous women who rejected me? well kinda. but this one is worse. the feeling that they just GIVE UP on you. then you go between well why dont you just GIVE ME A CHANCE, and oh shit i am just worthless, thats why they gave up on me.

but i never had someone just run/walk away from me like this. they always sat me down and talked to me in the other cases. i was still upset and mad at them, in fact i was MORE mad at them! and i still wanted to make them change their mind.

i want to be more mad at her, rather than making excuses like she was overwhelmed and bewildered and i caused all this, i was the root cause. well i do get mad at her sometimes though.

its harder to get over when you are the dumpee because you didnt want it to end.

but yeah it showed me no luv or no regard. and i was so touched to have gotten True Positive Interest from her in the past. that warmed my heart to have a nice purty young woman show interest and kindness to me and certainly set the stage for me getting feelings. it is nice to have purty young women be nice and friendly to you. showing that Feminine Warmth in that unique way only a woman can. then they take it all away and leave you with that horrible coldness that only women can. like night and day. maybe she was just bipolar. i dunno. i will never know.

i dont want anyone else. i still want her. that is a sign i am still not over her. which is fine. i said it would take a long time to start wanting anybody else, at least a year.

but yeah i still want to see an email from her in my inbox saying sorry for everything, i overreacted, i shouldna done that, please forgive me. when at the end i was begging her to forgive ME, hahahahaha.

its funny, she thinks she is in the right, and i am always blaming myself, playing right into her story. when really she was more at fault. and also its a shitty thing to just abandon people like that, she SHOULD apologize.

its not like she was going through the motions because she was afraid to DUMP me. there were no motions to go through. we werent fooking or “in a rel.” she just wanted to DUMP me without saying anything about it. best of both worlds!

like when a women in a rel “checks out” and “goes through the motions” but she still fooks the man and spends time with the man, becuase she is too cowardly to dump him outright.

well she wasnt too cowardly to dump me, but she was too cowardly to dump with Talking! or even a text! or a post it note!

i know she had been abandoned before and that is a precursor to this, but i never been aware of HER abandoning someone until now.

she never abandoned her boifrans. she didnt really abandon her friends, she did let friends drift away because they were drugged up losers, and thats a valid reason for letting someone drift away.

god damn i wish she would come to her senses with Hindsight and see that she was out of line.

i was a little out of line. but she was waaaaayyyyyy out of line.

but she had some family issues and couldnt think straight.

well i had some other issues and couldnt think straight either hahahaha.

but its weird. most women experience by age 19 what i have been trying to experience even since like age 13: a loving monog longterm rel with intimacy and secs.

now for them they dump him when they are in their 20s because they want more adventure and excitement and to really discover themselves, break hsi heart, and become a huge slut hahahaha.

well she didnt even do that. ! if anything her bf dumped HER or at least they both mutually wanted out of it because it was filled with fooking problems and arguments. there was no one person begging the other person to stay. please stay, please reconsider, please change your mind, please dont dump me!

yeah my trainwreck was ANYTHING BUT MUTUAL. it literally felt like being thrown under the bus.

went to the DMV and it was both better and worse than expected. it was the middle of the day so only unemployed bums like me can go at this time and it still took forever hahaha. there was an ad saying they were hiring temporary positions at 11DAH. i thought about this before even getting there, and i figured, WELL, its a STATE agency, therefore they HAVE to start out at at LEAST 15DAH, and have GREAT benefits, and union, and 37.5 work week, and paid overtime for every hour of overtime rather than expecting you to work 60 hours a week with no OT because you are salaried-Exempt.

nope 11DAH temp and probably no benefits becuase you are classified as a temp?

besides benefits always suck unless you sign up before getting cancer.

a “bogan” is an australian CHAV or white trash hahahaha.

yeah that machine at the gym that i didnt like as much as the treadmill was indeed what could be called an “elliptical” haha

yeah its just fooking gay, i feel like i will never find another woman as good as her, its all downhill from here, i must have done something really bad to push away such a good person.

when REALLY all it was is, she never shared my feelings to begin with, we never went out, she wanted to be just friends, i didnt, she thought my feelings were weird, and everything ended. pretty common situation. it would be worse if she strung me along!

well then i would take the time to actually explain the shit to her.

 

ITS A RULE: IF YOU WANT TO DUMP SOMEONE, YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM

1026

well it has been 69 days hahahahah since i last initated contact. things are changing but not necess for the better! i am starting to remember her with anger and disapointment and not favorably.  so she remembers me as someone she hates? what for? she was way more out of line than i was!! so anyway The History Books will view this as her being a Stone Cold Awful Bitch.

BUT the history books will also view me as overreacting like a hysterical, anxious, overemotional beta bitchboi!

still better than a stone cold throwing you away bitch though. but not very proud or masculine either.

BUT….would i want to go back there and see her and deal with her every day?

HELL NO!!!!

so i made the right decision then?????

but i also feel crippling despair when looking at job listings and trying to get damn jobs. how do other people do it.

so you are not supposed to compare yourself to others, but when you DO, you prove how weird and different and unhealthy you are. maybe they are not super sucessful but they still manage to survive, maybe pull some slutty pussy hahahahaha.

thinking of ramping up the citalopram from current 20 mg to at least 40 mg, maybe 60, 80, or 100 hahahahah. rev that shit up because i am in the depths of despair and all muh hope is gone. the woman was my main source of hope.

i mean life is still good, i have plenty to be thankful for, but she was very special to me. very very special. i liked her more than i thought i did!!!!

lesson learned: tell them immediately if i have feelings for them. becuase i am so stupidly SENSITIVE to that bullshit that it WILL RUIN my LIFE if i let it get out of control.

now i feel bad because i acted a FOOL, i let myself get so out of control, just because of my feelings, for someone who couldnt care less for me.

i was wrong in my assessment of a persons character, so very wrong. how could i be so wrong? i am always so cautious and pessimistic! well i trusted her once. she just did a damn 180, turned into someone i didnt know any more.

well i WANTED to trust her, to think that she still cared about me enough to talk to me and try to Not Hurt Me So Blatantly.

and i am ashamed and feel like a feel for getting so emotional and anxious that i couldnt do my JOB.

when you think you are going crazy, or having a “nervous breakdown,” youre not really going CRAZY, you are just super stressed and anxious. that’s not CRAZY, thats just garden variety ANXIETY. but its a HUGE amount that makes you shut down or freeze up or run away or give up. i really shoulda just taken half a valium at work, taken a few days off work, rather than quitting. but now i dont want to go back there and face HER.

MAYBE if SHE had handled the dumping better, i would have handled the job better.

or she could have responded to me with something like “dont quit your JOB, dont ruin your life on account of ME, lets you and me meet with the managers one day and see if theres anything we can do. i am sorry your heart is broken.”

although it IS good to be away from her. i dont WANT to see her ever again….unless she changes her mind and wants to GO OUT with me, MONOGAMOUSLY.

no no, bad goyim, monogamy is oppressive and patriarchal and is what allows men to Punch Down From Above from their Privileged Position in the Patriachy, and abuse and keep women down! its like Anudda Shoah for Women! Oy vey! Its like raping women constantly! Yes All Women! Yes All Men Rape Women through the Oppressive Torture and Slavery of Monogamy! Shut it down!

i have been listening to “The Daily Shoah” and “The Merchant Minute” of “The Right Stuff.biz” and it is the greatest thing i have heard in years. My Movement might be reaching critical mass. it is an exciting time to be a rightist. and its increasingly ok for white men to come out of the closet and declare being a racist! and arent a bunch of neckbeard neo nazi virgins, but successful normies with careers, gurlfrans, children. well i am kinda jelly of THAT, because i am a neckbeard virgin loser hahahaha and dont DESERVE a good woman for a wife. not until i PROVE myself first. oy vey i dont have the courage.

yeah i could have blurted shit out to her a lot earlier. yes i should have. that was my mistake.

but she could have damn talked to me, wrote me an email, if she wanted to Terminate Our Relationship. i didnt think our chances were GOOD, i wasnt expecting to Be Friends Afterwards. I just wanted to face the conflict Head On and Move Past It without super shitty feelings. certainly failed to do that!

i bet women want monogamy when they are with a super alpha male. they dont want HIM dating anyone else. and as long as they are in luv with him, THEY dont want to date anyone else. it could take them like a damn year to get “grass is greener” syndrome, which with a beta, they will get within 3 months tops. chad thunderc0ck can prevent their wandering eye, mouth, ass, and uterus for longer.

WANDERING UTERUS. thats why men dont trust women!!!!!

so…..i was in the wrong for just not simply accepting someone wanted to dump me without talking to me?

I THINK THATS A RULE. IF YOU WANT TO DUMP SOMEBODY, YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM SOMEHOW. Not necessarily talking in person, but texting, or emailing, or calling, to COMMUNICATE to them, i want out of this.

I didnt want to believe she really wanted out of it, because

  1. she didnt say that explicitly
  2. she kept saying we WOULD hang out someday, and i was desparate to believe it. also someone who wants ot dump you does NOT say you will hang out someday, they say, i want out of this.

if they dont and they say yeah we will hang out someday, thats a lot easier for the desperate person to live in denial and actual believe that bullshit.

1027

had yet ANOTHER dream where she made an appearance, i cant have this. in this one i was sitting around at a Video Store as if i were a teen waiting to be picked up from school, then i saw her, then she walked right by me and did not see me. this was kinda ridiculous as the place was not busy and i had a reasonable expectation that she would see me. she walked right by me and went and sat in an area behind me. i got up and turned around and could see her very easily as the area was behind a glass window. i was convinced that she had seen me and was ignoring me, so i was all angry and butthurt. her hair was dyed like crazy pink or purple or something, never a good sign, only huge bipolar borderline sluts dye their hair super weird colors like that.

i think i said “hello” really loudly and not in a friendly way. she saw me and said hello and went back to texting chad on her phone hahahhaahaha. she said hello but that was it, she was obv not wanting to talk any more. kinda like the super awkward event where i saw her last and then she stopped talking to me altogether. of course there i was a lot friendlier and tried to be friendly as fook. didnt help.

in the dream i was more angry, i dont like being ignored by someone who once was friendly to me. and not over the short term either, like when gurls are friendly to you for like 2 weeks then lose interest, because the world is full of interesting chads. it took her a damn long time to lose interest and that made it even worse when it happened!

anyway i am in a real phase where i am having dreams about her, it really sucks. seems like 2 or 3 dreams a week. just ridiculous.

i wish i could get over her as quickly as she has gotten over me!

and now i am increasingly angry about jobs and careers and shit. she is gonna move up in the career and i am gonna struggle to get back to where i was. where she was. i am super angry and bitter about all that. it is possible i could get a job one day and then she would get hired in as my boss hahahahahah my 8 years younger than me boss. no i am used to all muh tier 2 people being signif younger than me. this is just how it goes when you have failed in life hahahaha. Your Seniors are much younger than you. no joke hahahaha.

and i am way smarter than her!!!!!!!!

she has a pretty good work ethic unfortunately. i say UNfortuantely, because i used to admire that about her but now, like all her good qualities, i envy them because she has rejected me and refused to share these good qualities with me any more.

also the fact that i was much smarter than her allowed me to do better work than her in the recent job. because she would just do a halfass job without being AWARE she was doing a halfass job, beucase thats how complicating and confusing our job was.  and if i told her she was doing a halfass job (i didnt) she would certainly get even bitchier at me, rather than if CHAD told her the same thing!

and also her maintaining longer at that company is only a good thing as far as making that a good stepping stone for her. whereas i basically just committed career suicide! because of a damn woman!!!!! are you kidding!!!!!!!!!!!!

so basically she will be a winner and i will continue to be a winner, even though she cant write a coherent sentence. you should ahve seen HER case notes. they were orders of magnitude many tiers below mine. mine showed an INSANE understanding of the issues and were filled with details, recommendations, and suggestions. hers were like a baby wrote them. a tot. yet she moves up in her career and i move down. fooooooooook. and have dreams abotu her.

what if she has a dream about me? then she goes and moves up in her career and fooks chad. or worse, tyrone hahahahaha.

i would rather her become white trash with mudbabies with deadbeat tyrone absent fatherz, and be condemned to a life of degradation, degeneracy, dissolution, than to become a successful Career Woman!!!!!

none of the women i had feels for ever became huge white trash, in fact most became middle class successful, but if anyone were to become white trash, it would be HER, and now i kinda hope she does!!!!

i feel like she “betrayed” me more than i betrayed her! she became a different person more than i became a different person.

like she let me drown in quicksand! or was on a big ice floe and then i was on a small piece that broke away and slowly floated away.

so my feels for her DID change me a little in how i approached her, i was more mushy and lovey dovey and beta and tender, but i was always nice towards her. so it didnt change how i treated her THAT much. in contrast, she changed the way she treated ME like night and day. once she was nice, now she was mean and cold and distant.

and then you think why they do that, what did i do wrong?

but many times its all on them, why they are distancing from you. you have no influence over it.

be more like chad maybe. but if you are coming to them begging and pleading, what can i do to fix this, how can i change to make you come back to me……..bad news bears.

and they dont tell you anything but give me more space and we might hang out someday.

then you say no YOU gotta do better than that. you meet with me saturday the 15th at 7 pm and we are gonna sit down at the table and TALK about this officially. negotiate. go over terms. draw up a CONTRACT. I will gladly give you one month of space. not enough for you? well i will give you 6 weeks of space if you give me detailed, long emails and a 20 minute voice message every 2 weeks. your need for space does not cancel out your responsibility to communicate. communication is not some bad thing like neediness is. if you want space, you’re gonna have to communicate.

heh. she was the single reason i was able to get into that job. then she left me in the lurch. high and dry.

http://www.askamanager.org/2015/07/how-to-explain-to-interviewers-why-i-quit-my-job-without-another-one-lined-up.html

http://www.askamanager.org/2015/02/ive-messed-up-my-work-history-and-now-cant-find-a-job.html

this one is great too, what an unemployable loser

1028

i got in a super bad mood after reading ask a manager for a while, like oh god i have made a huge mistake, i cant bounce back from this one, i was slowly starting down the path of maybe not being a loser one day, but i got off that path in the worst way, and will now be doomed to being a loser.

had a horrible day yesterday, not so much because of HER, but because of me committing Career Suicide and quitting my job without another one lined up. now that is gonna finally start bothering me hahahaha.

every job sucks, every job is awful, everyone wants to quit their damn job. every job drives you crazy and is super stressful and nerve wracking and you have to be TOUGH to SURVIVE it.

so yeah i basically feel i am NOT TOUGH ENOUGH to deal with life. this sucks hahahaha.

of COURSE i got feelings for her. she was under 30, not ugly, not obese or even slightly overweight, no kids, low number of cox, no tattoos, nice. ANY man would get feelings for her. and i think she is finally starting to enjoy the Attention of Men, that she had not enjoyed before, due to her LTR. but now that she is over that, she is realizing there is a WORLD of men out there who will be Nice to her, help her at her job, buy her things, be her Crying Shoulder, and also the best kind of men, the Chads who would be exciting and fun and secsy. she is finding out what useful idiots men are, and how many there are, and what a Celebrity she is for being young, no kids, and not obese. she can get a lot of utility and maybe even happiness out of men. i could see her becoming a User Of Men. men have abandoned her, why shouldnt she abandon men, and just use them for attention and anything else?

or she could just go on being a nice person and make One Lucky Guy very happy, and never cheat, never abandon again, and this will remain the most hurtful thing she has ever done.

when you feel like youre “going crazy” and cant think straight, its probably just stress and anxiety and not actually going “CRAZY.”