july 21 2017

ok day off. friday 10;09 am. better make the most of it!

this might be more enjoyable than skrewdriver hehehe. as far as ian stuart stuff.

DUBAI PORTA POTTY holy shit that is as an interesting meme. and a great word with which to SHAME modern women. even if they havent DONE an actual Duba porta potty…..theyve probably done a cleveland steamer at least hahahaha.

well at the very least they have SEXTS, sexy photos of them. this is think is horrible. there shouldnt BE photos of anything sexy.

cave drawings of bewbs are different. there is something DIFFERENT about real women in real photos of real secs that makes a JOOISH MOCKERY of something sacred.

going through the skrewdriver albums chronologically until i find one that has an ok production. this might be the first hehehe.

only took 4 or 5 albums hahahaha.

ok went to store for grocery shopping, sent an actual handwritten note and tiny cash dnation to andrew anglins po box, came home, got official top quality Sunbathing in at 12pm sun, no clouds, 50 minutes, started sweating balls off, hot day, tons of sun, barely any clouds, so, prime time. listened to daily shoah with andrew anglin, was real good.

starting to get heat stroke hahahaha so i went inside. started some laundry. went to make some meatballs but the beef (80% lean, about 72 cals per ounce) was still not totally thawed. i tried not to get too angry or freaked out and said welp, i’ll just do this tomorrow then.

continued to Fast, will not eat food until dinner.

might make it real hard to do a ton of pushups though. well i guess i could do that after the huge dinner hehehe.

bought some baking soda and put a little bit of it in with the laundry.

yes you did you fooking old whore hahahaha. i remember this sciortino slutever whore from a few years ago. now she is 35 and wishing she got married years ago. too late hahahaha.

unfort i am in kinda the same position. and i didnt get to enjoy all the jooish pleasure secs like she has hahaha.

i never really wanted to bang lots of gurls and have lots of casual secs. even in the worst depths of muh degen, i always wanted a monog trad rel with a monog gf.  just wanted to state that for the 60000000000000th time hahaha.

even as i watched tons of porn and did tons of alcohol and mj, i never stopped wanting that traditional and decent ideal.

anyway will try not to write too much unproductive and negative stuff today.

how the hell long does it take 2 lbs of beef to defrost in the fridge. 2 days apparently.

wonder how long it will take for anglin to get shut down from Hatreon….or for hatreon to get shut down hahahaha.

heh. could you rub baking soda right on your sweaty skin to “freshen up”? use it like baby power almost?

i dont trust women but i almost DO trust them to be very interested in skin care hahahaha. well do i trust them to be RIGHT about sciencey stuff? not really hahaha.

well i didnt rub any on my skin really. just put like 1 tsp in a damn load of laundry.  that should be ok.

hahahahahahahaha nothing ironic about it at all!

did not put any return address on muh card to anglin hehehe. hope it gets there hehe.

i believe he will read my note. i fully believe he will take the 10 bucks hahahaha. i do not know if he will shake his head like “keep your pathetic pity money, if you can only afford to give 10 bucks, dont give anything at all.” i don’t think thats a very hwyte way to think hahahaha so i think he will accept it in the spirit it was given.

heh. that feel when you have day off and you slept 11 hours last night but STILL want to take a nap to “catch up” for all the days during the week you slept “only” for 6:30 hours.

now it is cloudy as hell outside but still hot.  glad i got some KWALITY sun earlier!

so skrewdriver has a song called “smash the IRA.” does this mean the IRA was commies? joos? i just assumed they were super nationalistic and that was good. i just dont know.  but if they were very nationalistic, skrewdriver would prob support them. maybe.

heh. i guess lauren southern was kicked off patreon? holy shit. surprised there isnt a huge thread on DS yet.

QUOTE (previously linked DS thread on postwall women, not southern hahahaha)

I know a few normie women like this. My sister is in her early thirties, and up until 5 years ago she & all her friends were single thot career women riding the c0ck carrosel, online dating, clubbing, getting wasted, etc.

Then all of a sudden the biological clocks started sounding their alarms & they all scrambled to settle on some beta male willing to pick up the scraps. Most are now married & managed to squeeze out a kid or two out of their decaying ovaries. But there is still one or two who didn’t get the message & are just like this bitch who wrote the article. My sister herself got married but the husband turned out to be a pill addict & still hasn’t succeeded in impregnating her, and she’s almost 35. The panic in her demeanor literally emanates from her pores.

I also have a female cousin who appeared to be a very successful corporate businesswoman, spending her freetime travelling the world & partying it up. 6 or 7 years ago it seemed she had it made. Now she’s over 40 & never managed to find a mate. When before our family get togethers consisted of all of us single people going out on the town to drink & party, now we’ve all settled down & have kids. She used to seem like someone who had it all, but now is revealed to be a dried up, bitter old lady with no future, still trying to live as though she’s 21. She lives in a luxury apartment with a small lap dog as a companion.

My sister in law is a thot who’s lived her life parasiting off of “sugar daddies” who paid for her every need. She is now 33 years old, has had 3 or 4 abortions, and losing her beauty despite fake boobs and a nice dye job. No man is interested in breeding with a washed up spoiled whore with no feminine skills whatsoever.

If you have women in your life you care about, it is imperative that they be shamed relentlessly about not doing their natural duty to have children. Not only will it benefit them, but it is simply intollerable having to endure family get togethers with a dried up bitter cat lady who hates you for having what they put off until it was too late.



anglin was talking about adornos authoritarian personality on the shoah.  great discussion. basically these joos said if you wanted to have a traditional family, you are an evil fascist, you must be destroyed for the good of society. when of course we need more people like traditional families FOR a good society.

heh. took clothes out of dryer, folded and put away. laid down cuz felt tired. this may also be because i have not eaten all day and feel kinda weak hehehe. then trimmed nails because i “never have the energy” to do this when i am getting ready for job in morning. did not take nap. just got back up after about 10 minutes.

all the weed smokers who post in comment threads about legalization….they SOUND like stupid retarded potheads. it weakens their already pretty weak argument. an autistic libertarian would make better arugments. that some permastoned pothead. it really does make you sound and look RETARDED.

which is why i dont like doing it around other people. just by myself.

heh pathetic. hard to believe guys like this are not incel neet virgins. they should be! this guy may make more money and get more women than me and i may be a huge loser…..but i am still a bigger winner than HIM!

hes probably a joo too.

and who the fook are these people that they even need to be verified. professional career twitter sjw journalists?

female tech journalists hahahaha

female tech entrepreneurs hahahahahahahahahaha

it never ends, it wont end until we Nonviolently Deport These People

and this is The Paper All Educated, Professional, Middle Class people read. and take very very seriously.

it makes me happy that Generation Zyklon might clearly see all these jooish lies for the jooish lies they are. like they said in the recent shoah with anglin:

what do you do if you are in the 9th grade RIGHT NOW in 2017. a fooking 14 year old. what do you have to look forward to. nothing. we need to start recruiting 14 year olds so by the time they are 24, holy shit they will be ready to kick serious ass.

listened to some of skrewdriver “after the fire” and while the guitar and drum sound is the best they’ve had up to that point, and ISD sounds pretty good and things are mixed ok, it suffers from almost and justice for all level basslessness. well, you can hear this timid, soft bass just barely. its like someone turned it down until you could barely hear it.

it was very frustrating. i have found something about the production of every skrewdriver album that is so off putting i can not ignore it.

then i listened to vapaudenristi and thought he’s succeeding at what skrewdriver is trying at. but i just wish he was speaking english!

and why am i putting such an emphasis on production? well i always have. but for example, i cant even recognize good songwriting if it has bad production!

oh well it is what it is.

my next plan is to listen to skrewdriver in the background as much as possible until one day it just CLICKS.

i mean its pretty much WORTH FORCING because ISD’s head and heart are in the right place, unlike 99% of musicians, who are total degenerates.

he had integrity and honor and balls.

bbbbut what if he got drunk all the time and banged dirty sluts and what if he had illegitimate bastards that he abandoned like a deadbeat?

well i dont know that he did!

so if there are all these shady brown immigrant doctors writing rx’s for opioids….certainly i could find a shady brown immigrant doctor who would write a rec for medical MJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!

on anglin shoah they said that fibromyalgia was a made up disease to get hwyte goys addicted to opiates.

hmm today i learned that the alpha bay, one of the biggest dark net markets, was shut down less than 2 weeks ago and its founder was arrested and soon after found dead in his cell, suspected suicide. DAMN.

july 22

not sunny at all today.

made 2oz meatballs in oven then made them into burgers with small thin buns hollowed out of all the carbs. two 2 oz meatballs per bun. one half a processed cheese single for each bun. ate one of the burgers. it was fine. i mean this was decent 80% beef hahaha nice and juicy. ade 8 total, put 7 in freezer to use over next month or so.

watching “the lion in winter” 1967. medieval england shit but its STILL joo produced and it STILL shows a ton of white gurls acting like titsluts. did white gurls really show their tits like such promiscuous sluts in the 1500s? yeah maybe to the ROYALTY as is potrayed in this movie….but you can still play it down and have them dress more modestly than maybe they actually did hahahaa. the joos have literally ruined EVERYTHING. you cant even enjoy “OLD” movies because movies have been ruined and jooed since the 50s. the movie industry was BUILT BY JOOS in the 20s and 30s.

kirk douglas was a 100% joo. this manly AF traditional john wayne type man was 100% jooish with the name Issur Danielovitch.

if KIRK DOUGLAS and PAUL NEWMAN are joos, who else? John Wayne? STEVE MCQUEEN???!!?!?! (no mcqueen was not. nor wayne. and yeah when you really look at them, douglas and newman do look kinda j00ey.)

and good goy actors like peter o toole and richard burton were HUGE DEGENERATE DRUNKS who basically acted like negros.

as someone who used to love movies and who wants to luv movies again, and who thought that Old Movies might be the way to go….this is all very disappointing.

lol at cost benefit analysis

of course i would bang her, shes not fat and she’s under 30 and i havent touched a woman in 12 years!

i also like how he calls her bitch every time he refers to the bitch. whore or cyka or KURWA would also be acceptable hahahaha. we must shame these sluts. women should get married as 16 year old virgins and thats the only way they  wont become shameful sluts.

women are this bad because we LET them GET this bad. we were AFRAID to CONTROL them. nonviolently hahahahahahahaha. i am not advocating violence. i am advocating nonviolent control and that women will VOLUNTARY SUBMIT to SUBMISSION and that we men need to Facilitate this!

i think touching baking soda even for a second causes your skin to peel off. they should really put a warning on the box.

but yeah it again all boils down to SALES. can you SELL yourself and your skills and CONVINCE people that you are awesome. and, if you are at Work, can you back that talk up with real skills.  or, are you jooish enough to throw the service people under the bus when they cant deliver on the unrealistic bullshit the sales dept promises in order to Close The Deal.

at least with women you dont need to back shit up. just lie lie lie. lie to these bitches hahahaha. not like at least 10 guys havent gotten to fook them using lies anyway!

all millennial women are garbage and would make terrible wives and mothers. and really most gen x women are too hehehe. you will find your best wife and mother material with gurls who are generation zyklon. marry a girl who is 16 in 2017.

women are horrible, but men let them get that way.

but not really you and me. we were never in the position to have influence over women anyway. i mean the boomer and gen x men didnt control THEIR women.

well, i had a FEW chances to influence women. and i blew it! they dumped me BECAUSE i didnt influence them enough!

but god damn it all happened SO FAST i had NO IDEA WHAT WAS GOING ON. it all happened in the blink of an eye. it really happened TOO FAST and i stand by that. it happened SO goddamn lightning fast I couldnt even think straight. by the time i realized i needed to control them…..they were long gone, fooking other guys.

however i think its a waste to let those millennal hwyte wombs go to waste.

but why make babies with a woman who would be a terrible wife and mother?

so you use them as brood mares to replenish the race, and then decent women could raise them. along with their own children.

so you can marry an 18 year old gen z gurl right now, get 5 children out of her, then take in 5 more hwyte children from the brood mares.

heh. i am as over That Woman as I will ever be and i am also in a woman hating phase. i have now decided to triple down on that and be the biggest and best woman hater ever!

never advocating violence. just advocating the traditional, patriarchal way.

sheeeeit. That Woman was MUCH BETTER than the average modern woman!

she would have been a good average woman back in the good old days.

waaaah ill never get over her, ill never find a better woman, ill always compare all women to her. ahhahaha.

oooooo he was a beta woman hater who posted regularly on roosh v forum hehehehe. he went to thailand to marry a “traditional woman” and did not like how mudslim refugees could get into canada and “breed like bedbugs” hahahaha. therefore, he is a huge douchebag. because he doesnt want foreign invaders to come in and breed like violent terrorist bedbugs. that makes HIM the bad guy.

it also bothers me that these guys go to thailand etc to get a traditional wife. just get a damn russian/eastern euro white wife.

gives a bad look to antifeminist men who want traditional women. all that is great. awesome. the race mixing is not. well this cazes guy could be a J. i just assume he was a hwyte quebecois guy. but he could well be a J. or a mix. i just dont know. he def was not popular with the hwyte canadian gurls!

but becoming a damn aznphile is not a solution to that!

hey i hate modern sluts EVEN MORE than this guy! but i have ZERO interest in asians or any nonwhites!

this guy needed to read less roosh and more daily stormer!

yet these guys will literally read roosh and pick up forums for 5 years and never move past that! like this guy!

i read roosh forum a little bit! its not bad! especially in dealing ith women and the women question! these guys know how to deal with women!

but their whole WELTANSCHAUUNG is degenerate.

and i am so glad to have moved on to a Regenerate Weltanschauung.

also its prob degen to make your living as a super libertarian dark net market owner hehehehe.  its really kind of a jooish thing to do. even if drugs should maybe be legal. and i cant even say that.

i mean its VERY POSSIBLE that legalization of mj is just another step on the semitic stairs of degeneracy along with gay marriage, abortion, feminism, divorce, porn, corn syrup, grrl power, college, marxism, trannies, etc!

i could probably learn to be happy Alone if i developed the power to bang sluts at-will, on-demand, have a stable of sluts, and also made a lot of money. but i would STILL want a traditional wife to have children with.

and my point is, we lowest SMV omegas CANT EVEN PULL DIRTY SLUTS. you can only pull dirty old ugly fat sluts. not young qt sluts! but fat mudshark women of walmart 40 year old sluts with a bunch of mutant shitsprogs!

i may be short and old but i am not fat or ugly! hahahaha.

i am slightly weird looking but i am really not BAD looking!

but this just proves women really dont care about looks as much as they care about you having a tough, masculine, strong, confident personality. and or a large build hehehe.

maybe if i were better at persuading and selling and convincing and arguing and influencing and negotiating, i wouldnt DISLIKE it so much hahaha.

if you pour enough money into ymca programs to help Inner City kids succeed at college and career, the kids who do these programs probably WILL succeed even though they are black. because it doesnt take a genius to do college or to do a career. even the average blacks are capable of it. but most of them wont. but most who do these programs will.

SO WHATS MY EXCUSE? that i didnt have a PROGRAM to GUIDE and DIRECT me?

hehehe kind of hahahahaha.

wow this is a first. this kinda speaks for itself. its the first actual VIDEO anyones ever seen of greg johnson…..and his face has been blurred out. INTERESTING.

i dont understand why he doesnt dox his face. his voice and name is already out there. he goes to events and THOUSANDS of people have seen his face knowing who he is.

i cant even SPECULATE on his motivations here because it will sound liek DRAMA.

its just so weird. he is such a smart guy, good writer, very persuasive, he made a hater out of a nice guy like me hahahaha. but he also needs to address the gay rumors and just show his face already and just proactively END any drama. there’s too much drama surrounding him and he probably has the power to end a lot of it.

theres very little drama surrounding anglin for example.

i would almost possibly be ok with him being gae if he openly announced it.

i mean we know his position on gays is kinda soft so people want to throw him in the bog already.

but honestly greg. you are almost there! just show your face already! i mean do you REALLY have a normie job? i thought he did for a while. i know he was actually a college instructor/prof for a while like 10-15 years ago but i dont think he is any more.

he looks like he could be fairly handsome. dressed nice. definitely huhwhyte. not fat. not jooish. nice hair.

gossipers speculate its because people at the GAE BAR would recognize him and then he would be PROVEN to be gae.

but i mean shit. right now there are haters saying hes done gae porn and hes banged teen boys and all sorts of SLANDER.

although im pretty sure anglin has said some mean things about him….but he’s also said mean things about anglin. i dont know who started it. probably greg hahahaha.

im just excited because this is the closest ive been to seeing gregs face hahaha.

this is some good stuff hehe


I married my husband when he was 45 and i was 25. Neither of us were pure but both of us had lived the prior 4-5 years completely celibate after having been in relationships where we were fornicating…unfortunately. i was looking to join a convent and he was actually looking to join a religious order of brothers….we both just wanted simplicity and wholesomeness. I thought ‘if i cant offer him virginity then i want to be able to offer him something.’ Of course, it was a sacrifice to think that i probably wont grow old with him by my side, because of the age difference, but i am so thankful for every moment with him. We have 2 beautiful children so far, thank God!
I am happy that i can offer him good meals, good company, myself, and a warm and welcome house….and he takes care of us financially. We rent a small but comfortable house.
And btw, he was unemployed when we decided to marry. I could tell the kind of man he was and i knew he would do whatever it took to care for our family….I was right! We have never gone hungry. Now he has been blessed with a very good job and we are actually saving some money. Everyones situation is different, but i cant advise you enough…to put yourself into the hands of Holy Mary and her spouse St. Joseph….i am certain they are the reason my husband and i found eachother.
I hope you find a good woman.
And by the way, dont look for a women with your views, just look for a woman with a good head on her shoulders, who isnt crazy.
You dont need a nazi.
P.s. if you told my husband 3 years ago that he would be married with 2 babies, he would never have believed it. Dont lose hope!

I really hate to white knight but believe me, as a girl that has only had sex in serious relationships you already are a unicorn.


and that is truly sad. we are not looking for a virgin who has never had secs. we are just ideally looking for a woman who has only had secs AS PART OF A RELSHIP. and even THAT is too much to ask. because the joos turned our men into phaggots who could not control our women, so by the time we were old enough to mate, 99% of our women were whores. blame the weak boomer men hahaha.

sven longshanks records an audiobook of benjamin garlands EXCELLENT series/book

but yeah basically EVERY woman has had secs outside of a relship. casual secs. probably with a nonwhite. so so so so disgusting these women are! but its truly not their fault, this is their nature. and i so wish it werent. but they just dont think these things are disgusting.

and i wish they did.

but they never will.

i wish women had been MADE better.

but they weren’t.

and i don’t have to LIKE them.

you’d be stupid TO like them.

they are not likable.

they are disgusting.

but they’re the best we have.

and its prob less degenerate than using artificial wombs.

even though men are better PARENTS than women. i would wager that children of single fathers turn out better than children of single mothers.

i just wish women didnt SUCK at EVERYTHING. that they werent so EASILY RUINED.

its like having another child to take care of, but worse, because they are more destructive and have been given too much power by the joos and by feminized men.

the real bad part is That Woman wasnt THAT bad so i will never find another young woman as good as her wawawawawawawawawawa

god damn casual secs having whores! bitches! sluts! cykas! kurwas! call them what they are! dont call them WOMEN when theyre nothing but a god damn WHORE!

oh anglin this is why i luv him. i wish andrew anglin was a woman so i could marry him hahaha.


Sadly, we’re not there yet. Probably, a lot of people are overly fixated on women and sex, and imagining that they’re going to find some perfect princess at some point. The fact is that you are not going to find any princesses, ever. I’m sorry. The best you are going to be able to do is find a skank that you can get control over. Period.

And while you’re looking for that, it isn’t a sin to have sex with random sluts. Again, that’s an uncomfortable thing to say, but it needs to be said, because guys are going crazy over this.

Yes, the casual sex culture is obviously completely degenerate, everyone knows this. I know it most of all. I am one of the world’s top knowers of that particular fact, I can promise you that.

However, the option of “no sex ever at all” is orders of magnitude worse than the “uncomfortable hook-up sex,” psychologically speaking. If you are not ever having sex at all, then you are going to develop a complex, and you are going to end up deranged. Fact.

Screwing leftist women and then publicly humiliating them and their entire belief system afterward is a great way to kill two birds with one stone.


but yeah i agree 100%. i have though but havent really propagandized the idea that strong 1433 men should publicly bang and shame leftist marxist sluts so that that get the shaming of having been fooked by a RACIST. hopefully with lots of shameful humiliating proof.

you wouldnt do this with innocent low number women who have never had secs outside of a rel. but these women are NOT that. not even close.




june 15 2017

i am interested in the coworkers son, because the son is the SAME AGE I was when i went off track. he is 20 years old, in between second and third year of college. is thinking about changing his major from straight bla bla engin, to a BS degree that kinda combines engin and business/management. i think this should be ok. especially if the kid is an extraverted, nonvirgin chad normie, which i kinda think he is. no trouble making friends, not a lot of trouble with women, decent level of confident, no social anxiety, no anger or emotional issues, no huge problems with MJ or alcohol or worse, no real need to see a shrink, can hold down a job.  doesnt hate everything, has friends, not afraid to talk to people, etc.

he will probably be ok whatever his major, whatever his school. he could get a BA in General Studies at the local university and probably make enough money to have children and live in a safe neighborhood hehehehe. but his father, my colleague, wants him to maximize his potential, by doing a little bit better than that.

fact is, he’ll probably do at least ok no matter what he does.

but his father wants him to do REALLY well so he pushes him.

but not in an unhealthy way, like you go to harvard and become a doctor or youre out of the family. more like, go to cal state and become an engineering project manager fratboy chad.

i mean hes gotta be somewhat smart just to complete 2 years of intro engineering with math, physics, etc. people either fail that shit or they dont. he’s not getting a 4.0 but he’s prob not getting a 2.0 either! and that means something for engin courses!

so yeah im obsessed with this guys son. because he is at that exact age where bad decisions can lead you down the road to ruin. and he is having SOME doubts, but nowhere near the kind i had. he is having the type of doubts that will result in him make 50 vs 60k right out of college. being a neet KHV (kissless hugless virgin) was never on the table. i think he played sports in high school and probably even had a gf or at least fooked sloots in high school. sowed some of the wild oats, knows not to put the pussy on the pedestal, is focused on mammon like a good goy hahahaha.

type of OUTGOING normie fratchad who goes to parties and ENJOYS them hahaha. gets drunk, has fun, and bangs sluts. i mean the banging is degen negro behavior, you should be happy just making out with them. i would be. but blame the joos for turning our women into whores and our men into phaggots who cant keep the women in check.

apparently there are tons of foreign undergrads from asia, middle east, their parents are superrich oil sheikhs or something and send their kids to any old state school in the US, give them lamborghinis to drive. i dont recall seeing much of that in muh big state school 60000000 years ago. plenty of nerdy foreign grad students though. total autistic asian virgins. a lambo will get you 18 year old white pussy at the party school tho, thats a damn fact.

anyway. would be great if we could get this kid into 1433 stuff hahahaha. be a big winner for the hwyte race.

heres the problem. WOMEN ARE LIKE NEGROS. period. full stop. emotion-based, dont think ahead, act like big children, who lash out when they dont get their way and destroy shit. some of em might be nice but really they just need to be strictly controlled. honestly. their brains are wired just like negros. that is a disturbing thought. that white women are more like negros than they are like white men.

i dont say that as someone who hates negros. i simply acknowledge that Racial Differences are more than skin deep. like in the brain. and that alone makes me a super hateful superracist hahahaha.

i thought women were better than that…..but they’re really NOT. this is just the way women ARE, just like negros are the way THEY are. i just didnt think the two would be so damn SIMILAR!

i mean of course the negros are more VIOLENT.

i mean i dont HATE negros for just being who they are. they cant help it. i would just prefer not to be around their destructiveness and annoyingness. and i guess you could say the same exact thing about women!

i want them to be something they’re not! something they can never be (without like 1000 more years of evolution!)

and i want to be this guy’s SON! in that i want to be 20 years old again and have another CHANCE! and also be a well adjusted Chad Normie.

cuz the fact is, when i was 20, i was already fooked in the mind as far as being an anxious neet virgin weirdo hahaha. i mean its not the end of the world compared to the shit WOMEN have, but you should still get it fixed ASAP and not wait till youre 25 to start fixing it. or 26. hehehe. fix it NOW because not only will you never get those years back, but you will be forever BEHIND and regret it the REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!!


POSITIVE THOUGHTS ONLY. STAHHHP THE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. except drugs and alcohol. except MJ and benzos hehehehe.

i was also a little grumpy because the volume 2 audiobook of MK on christogenea is so messed up. it is missing chapter 7 and 8 or maybe its just out of order. so i am just downloading a new one of the ford translation i guess? there is ford, murphy, and manheim. i am not sure which one i have been listening to.

couldnt stop comparing myself to the guys son, and that is a GUARANTEED way to get in a REALLY bad mood, almost as if i am thinking about WOMEN or THAT WOMAN. heh many things put me in a REAL bad mood hehehe.

well at least i did not eat too much at lunch or dinner today and disciplined myself there hahaha.


i couldnt open the m4b files i found. just put CHAPTERS on YOUTUBE. and here it is. the man who might be good ol sven longshanks reading it. i have gotten used to listening to his voice for 30 hours, i didnt want to switch to somebody else, i am loyal hahahahaha

oh praise GOD. this is EXACTLY what I am looking for. I can USE this. now I just HOPE they are in order, with no parts missing. it doesnt look like it though. course thats what i said all the other times hahahaha.

it would be faster just to read the book hahahaha. but i feel it sinks in better when i listen to it. i have not enjoyed READING BOOKS for YEARS.

got to get into the race based state however. the folkish world concept. volkisch weltanschauung. this is the terminology he repeats many times. i was trying to think of a dogwhistle that people who have ACTUALLY READ THE BOOK could use to signal to each other that they were true Bruders and not infitrators hahaha. feds.

hey fellow whyte people, whats happening hahahaha.

stories of women who divorce their husbands at age 35 and then become cougar milfs banging HUNDREDS of guys. women who start their slut stage at 35. it can happen.

who cares. as long as its not that woman i dont care hahaha. that woman is the only woman i care about hahaha. WRONG. who cares. she can FOAD. she is ded to me, i am ded to her, the end.  its been 23 fookin months. 1.9 years. almost 2.0 hehe. thank GOD for AH. the wisest, greatest man who ever lived. in 100 years we will realize this, or we will all be extinct hehehe. there is no person living or dead i would like more to meet.

i mean i guess you should say JC. i mean i wouldnt be against meeting him either hahahahaha.

june 16

ok day off. was remarkably productive. driving all around going to 6 different places. including walmart where i got some clothes including some Shorts for Summer and a Plain White Polo Shirt for when i need to look presentable. faded glory brand. excellent. walmart brand hahahahaha. i do luv it. bought the wrong size. bought an xl when i intended to get a MEDIUM! now i need to go BACK to walmart and RETURN it.

came home and it was nice and warm. sunny but with signif clouding. wanted to get vitamin d and ideally, Sun Bathing Tanning action in the local park. got out to park around 2:25 pm. nobody there but some mexican lawn cutters. stripped off shirt to get sun on chest and Stomach. sat on bench with no shirt, no hat, soak up max sun. 60% of the time nice and sunny. occasional clouding. read 2 pages of MK. last chance to get sun in a while. i guess i made the most of it.

tried Fasting All Day. Friday. old skool catholics fast EVERY friday, not just in lent. have not eaten anyting all day. no breakfast, no lunch, will eat large dinner.

also got nice short haircut on balding head. should go back in 8 weekes.

walmart. great clothes. great fashion for men hahahaha. i just cant believe i grabbed an XL instead of a Med.

heh. should i drive 10 miles just to go to a walmart that is more hwyte? just to i dont have to LOOK at nonwhites? it wasnt too bad today by the way.

ideally i would have children and raise them in that area where the walmart is mostly white hehehe.

my current area is gonna eventually be overrun by arabs. its either blacks, latinx, or arabs. here, its arabs. lots of christian arabs actually but by god are they annoying. the only good thing is that they dont do Terror Attacks like the muslims. they still do negrolike violent crime though, like assault and drug dealing, drug robbery. not really a lot of mugging. they are probably better than blacks. some of them are nice family oriented people. and they have a lot of children. great.

better than blacks, latinx, or muslims though. it could be worse!

oh yeah. and albanians. they are about as bad as the christian arabs. very little difference really except one are turks and the others arab. big deal hahaha. i appreciate the racial difference but really behaviorwise they are almost identical. i cant tell who are worse looking. some of the young women are attractive sluts of either race. i would prob rather bang an albanian slut than an arab slut tho hahahaha.


but it really wouldnt be worth it dealing with their aralb friends and family. believe me i only find the “hottest” of them bangably attractive, not jaw droppingly gorgeous or something to lose my mind and my racial integrity over. im just talking if a 19 year old good looking one were throwing herself at me, that i would have to make no effort, not be charming, not be witty, not be anything.

not a big deal man. yeah its not ideal but i would just be using them as a nonwhite kvm dumpster.

instead of saying sluts we should just call em kvm dumpsters. more shame there hahaha. although honestly i dont think there are many women who are PROUD to IDENTIFY as “SLUTS.” they are still insulted by it. which is good. they SHOULD be.

so yeah. MK is one of those books like the BIBLE. you dont need to read it all at once really quickly (although theres nothing wrong with that.) its just the type of book you can have at your bedside for your WHOLE LIFE and just open it up and read a few pages every day. just to bring you closer to your Racial Essence, like reading a few pages every day of the bible is supposed to be like prayer that brings you closer to GOD.

so just something similar with MK. as you progress through your own kampf hahahahahaha.

MK is not a short book. its not 300 or 400 pages. its not even 500 or 600 pages. its 690 pages hahahahaha. well, they are not SUPER long pages, but still.  its not gonna win anyone over. it preaches only to the choir. but to the choir, its one of the most important books ever written.

really i should get a book of his SPEECHES. better, english READINGS of his speeches, with a reader who is at least average.

there another audiobook of MK with an english guy who sounds like he is falling asleep. i imagine that would put you to sleep! the younger, higher energy guy is so much better.

anyway, david dukes my awakening is a much better thing to give to the normie. much easier to swallow. i should listen to it again. i never finished listening to it! its also at least 600 pages long.

i really do recommend it strongly. it was actually a pivotal book for me, all the more reason to listen to it again. i never “read” it per se. but listened to duke reading it. this was in 2012, possibly even 2011.

heimbach giving an hourlong speech in june 2017. wish the video/audio quality could be a little better. but the audio is not horrible.

thank you alt right andy! this guy is great. he puts everything on youtube. the alt right andy channel got deleted by j’s, but andy addams is the same guy i think.

anyway, full 45 parts of my awakening. listen to it. turn off the jootube, vidya, porn, sportsball, and listen to this whole damn thing.

like i say, its very good for NORMIES. who would never dream of reading MK.

its also very good for non normies!

sooooo it might be a BETTER  book than MK?

uhhh its definitely easier and funner and has a bigger reach hahaha.

also. david duke is probably the best KNOWN VVN 1433 guy since hitler. basically EVERYONE has HEARD of david duke, all normies have, well, anyone over 40. he’s mentioned regularly in mainstream media at least every 4 years hahahaha. as a horrible racist whos the next AH. i wish hahahaha.

so listening to my awakening and seeing that he is not such a horrible man makes you think. what else has the media been lying about. why are they lying about such a smart good man. why are they so threatened by what he says. and with the info in that book you’ll be able to answer that question.

heres the whole thing in downloadable mp3s. wonder when will shut this down the way they shut down the william pierce podcasts!

ok i put it in the sidebar. its THAT good.

give it to your boomer parents who dont understand why you are full 1433. give it to your shitlib middle class friends who read nytimes and guardian and dat-negrisi coates and think DD is AH.  give it to basic bitch fox news watchers. give it to joo loving evangelicals. i dont actually know any of those hahaha. give it to whites at your church. give it to white women. give it to Based Blacks and Arabs hehehe. give it to your college instructors. yeah it might be more important than MK because it has the potential to do more good and change more minds.

im serious. turn off whatever degenerate jooish think you’re watching or listening to, and listen to THIS. it is INFINITELY better. that shit is negative and poisonous. this stuff is beneficial, like PROTEIN for your white SOUL.

not just chicken soup. although i guess it would serve that purpose too. rehabilitate and heal a sick soul. which is great. most of us have sick souls. but it will also make a healthy soul stronger!

just wish duke got out more and did public shit with spencer, or esp anglin. he always has anglin on his show. talk about two great minds!

how much video of him is there for his 2016 senate race? that was amazing. wish he had won. but he needs to continue being out there talking to normies. i dont care if he’s had plastic surgery or he cheated on his wives or hes a huge gambler.

if you get a very light pink shirt, it’s probably not phaggy. it can look fairly professional. just get solid colors….but light solid colors, like pastels almost. super BOLD colors are too much. found that out the hard way. have a solid red dress shirt and wish the red color were just a little softer.

interesting. we probably shouldnt glorify excessive male promiscuity because its ruining young white women. but its hard for a man to say no to this kind of celebrity, which all women have when they are young, and which the vast majority of men NEVER have.

basically, don’t act like a negro. banging hundreds of women is what a negro would do. but again, i totally understand. i mean if qt young white gurls are THROWING themselves at you…….how many would it take for YOU to start saying no?

author eric striker makes the correct argument here:


This is as funny as it is sad. I’m willing to bet many of these women had husbands or significant others too. Imagine walking in on your wife cucking you with Batman and Robin high-fiving over her. We’re living in clown world.

But there’s a lesson here for all young men: marriage will never be what it should under present conditions. With the pill, legal abortion, urban anonymity and weak-willed men open to marrying them after they’re over the hill and used up, women spend most of their best and most fertile years as groupies.

Do you want the sloppy seconds? END

striker does an article on this awful chapo trap house. one day i should actually listen to it. its an edgy leftist marxist podcast by 3 bearded hipster phaggots in brooklyn on how whites are evil and need to be genocided.

this is how they present themselves hahahaha

such punchable faces. they go to grad school in nyc and quote audre lorde on their facebook hahahaha or is it bell hooks. whoevers the edgier academic PoC feminist.

funny that you can still tell its the middle guy thats the joo, and the other two are just low-T white sissies.



dec 5

WOW JUST WOW. heres a FIRST in mother fooking almost a year and a half, in fookin 16.5 almost 17 months to be exact, the famous first is that i went to a JOB today and earned MONAY. That much feelsgoodman but I also feel impostor syndrome, like i am a dumb weirdo and these people are giving me a chance but i am too slow on the uptake, im not taking that chance, i’m not ATTACKING it, and they will be disappointed in me.

the job itself seems SUPER LOW STRESS and everybody was chill and happy. I mean i have really hit the jackpot there. i should give some money to GOD right now for that. AND I know this woman that works there, i used to work with her 3+ years ago, she is a good person, saw her today.

there is technically a lot of stuff to learn but i didnt feel the PRESSURE to learn all this crazy shit FAST and EXPLAIN it to frustrated people who are gonna GRILL you on it. so its safe to say this job will be a LOT EASIER and a LOT LOWER STRESS than my previous job. which is awesome.

the people are nice and available for questions. HOLY SHIT.

on one hand i just want to survive one day at a time.

on the other hand, i want to ATTACK IT and SHOW INITIATIVE and PROVE MYSELF and EARN RESPECT.

i dont want to be a TIMID MILQUETOAST.

Like so one guy with a masters degree is helping the other guy with the masters degree with the software and I am watching and learning, and Im like these are successful people who are Good At Adulting, who have got masters degrees and Reaped The Benefits by having Good Career Jobs.

and here i am, a huge loser who cant get a job for 16 months sitting there trying to look smart and ask smart questions and act normal like i am a normie adult, when i am super far from being a normie adult.

i guess the thing is to “FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT” and really i will have to do a lot less of that here.

just remind myself this is NORMAL the FIRST DAY OF A DAMN JOB.

its been a while since i had the FIRST DAY OF A NEW JOB. it has been fookin THREE YEARS since that. well, 2.95 years hahaha.

transitions can be stressful even if the job is not stressful.

be mindful. let the thoughts float away. the judgments about muh self. just try to be nice to the people.

i mean i am ALWAYS nice but i am also Timid and I don’t want that.

also i can’t do much because there is a lot that is tied to my email/login stuff, and apparently the IT dept has a Policy where they cant get my account set up until after I have started my first day.  not before!

well i gave them 30 minutes of unpaid time today just to tie up some meeting stuff, like talking to the boss, etc.

the people here are very chill about getting there on time hahaha. i forgot about that. this workplace, ive worked at it before, from about 2009 to about 2013, and there were many many things i liked about it. and i am seeing that much of that, like the chill setting and the nice people, might carry over. and here i will have even LESS direct customer contact. but muh customers will be a generally higher level. masters degree people hehehehe.

yeah but there are some people in the dept that DONT have a masters degree.

i decided not to bring donuts on the VERY FIRST DAY becuase that would look TRYHARD, like i am DESPERATE to be liked and accepted. i can bring donuts another day. prob my last day of this week which is thursday.

i asked them about coffee. people like to drink coffee. great i said. i have some folgers at home i can bring in for everyone to use. there is a mr coffee for folgers and also a keurig machine. a goddam keurig. i guess its not THAT fancy. i mean im open to having a cup of keurig once in a while but i am a folgers man every day.

i wore dark blue dress slacks and a decent fitting Poplin/Oxford Dress Shirt, white with blue stripes. I looked pretty good. I made a half joke about how I could wear a tie if you think that would be good.

Wore black skechers shoes which are NICE but they are also too BIG. I shouldnt have bought them but this was over 3 years ago I bought these shoes. I actually wore them when i was working at this place the first time. jeez.  so this time i would go to WALMART and get some nice black shoes for reasonable price.

i mean i just gotta RELAX and be MINDFUL and not FREAK OUT. i mean theres NO REASON to freak out. everyone is NICE, they are not pushing weird shit on me, all this is OBVIOUSLY in my own head.


military toughness mental training. how to stay cool in COMBAT. I should really look into this. just learned this word today hehehe.

i am thinking of making like 10 hamburgers patties at once on a cookie sheet in the OVEN. then put the burgers in the freezer. then i can eat a Hamburger for a snack while i am at muh job, if i am not so nervous and spazz that I cannot even think of eating.

i mean it is a mental thing now. everyone there is nice, its just my own INSECURITY and Inferiority Complex that I’m fighting against.

and here i’ve been reading a ton of job related shit while at home. well i kinda wanted to. again just becoming more familiar with the field in general. i suppose it would be better ot study the exact stuff in particular, the software, well i sort of did.

should try to see if i can sync a google drive folder on the job computer. might be restricted tho. but i can get to the google drives website. cuz they are sharing google documents with my gmail address, ie they intentionally use google docs to share stuff. i mean why not.

shit i forgot to ask the boss about his phd program. and his kids. and his previous jobs. 99% sure he is a democrat and might be a progressive activist one. he is big on education and worked in Inner City schools and certainly believes that poor blacks kids are every bit as capable and smart as privileged huhwhyte kids. and he has had a successful career, plenty of respect, and a wife and 3 kids to encourage his Weltanschauung hahahaha. he clearly is doing things right!

credit Salty Seaman with his parody of Kyke cernovich’s “gorilla mindset” with “chimpanzee weltanschauung” hehehehe.

fooking intellectuals just jerking each other off hahahaha.  see this is one reason i dont want a masters degree. or especially a phd. its all mental masturbation .

anyway the boss is a good guy. i just wish he were a Rightist instead of probably a Leftist.

Well I think HIS boss is more of a rightist than a leftist hahaha. he already has his phd hahaha. but from a less prestigious skool. one of those classic working career adult completes phd in their spare time much like a MBA or something. i mean thats a good accomplishment too. the guy is obviously a hard worker, very ambitious, persistent, tough, BATTLEMIND, all good qualities. this guy is VERY masculine and somewhat intimidates me. shit he was also my boss’s boss 3-4 years ago so yeah I sorta know him. he is everybodys boss.

ambitious people dont like unambitious people and vice versa, sez famous negroball coach nick saban. for me this is hauntingly true. ive never been ambitious although i could have been successful if i were, cuz i used to have a good brain. but never had the work ethic. so people that DO have a strong work ethic, i worry about them looking DOWN on me as a Lazy Bum who doesnt Wanna Work Hard. Theyre not wrong, but I dont think that makes me a horrible person hhahahahahaha. but this guy is very ambitious and i dont want him to look down on me, cuz i respect him and what he’s done. thats a big part of it too, you dont want people YOU respect to disrespect YOU. you think someone is a good role model, and they think you are a lazy bum.

well he doesnt think i am a lazy bum. i hear he thought pretty highly of me when i interviewed with him once for a FT job in 2014. i guess i actually can sound sort of smart in interviews. then once i get the job i sound like an idiot hahahahaha.

heh. this guy is worried that looking stuff up makes him look dumb to his coworkers, because he doesnt automatically know it. never mind asking them dumb questions!

thankfully the responses are largely no, what you are doing is smart and good.

dec 6

everyone at the job is nice and there is no pressure, but i am putting a ton of pressure on myself to be smart and impressive and funny and likeable and normie and charismatic and fun and smart and a team player and a value adder and asking smart questions not dumb questions.

everyone is also super accomplished, basically everyone i work with or talk to has a masterz degree or a phd but they dont have a big head about it either. now i want masters degree people to know i am every bit as smart as they are…..but i dont want to get a masters degree. they are ambitious and career oriented so they were very motived to get an advanced degree. i am not. but i cant say that here. like yeah im just as smart as you, i just didnt want to work as hard. but they arent such workaholics that they arent nice, or are weird. everybody is nice and has families and children. sometimes i want to say “you know i only make 11 dollars an hour and dont have a masters degree in this field right? i mean im not an idiot and my undergrad was better than your undergrad hahahahaha but then i went off the reservation and became a loser after that point.

but everyone is very understanding and theyre like yeah i know thats a lot of stuff to be thrown at you.

it KINDA is, but not any more than i had before, plus the important part is, i dont have to answer phones all day and fix things for users of this software and explain it, while having nothing but the Documentation to assist me in that chore, and experts were very unavailable. here, the experts are just chilling out and you are sitting in a room right next to them with the phone only ringing once an hour! its SUCH a different environment, 180, i mean its 14880000000000180 times BETTER and more POSITIVE!!!!!!

Just some person with a masters degree in tech, whos an expert in these tools, who can answer any question I or the users have, explain everything, who WELCOME feedback and complaints and feature requests, dont just bark im busy read the documentation. its INSANE. no WONDER these people have masters degrees and years of experience, to have such good chill career jobs.

Basically everyone is a damn instructor too. all these people are teaching college classes on the damn side. To the point where I have to laugh sheepishly and say, now i’ve never actually taught a class before, because all these people have taught classes! They are all teachers!!!!!!

so yeah. much more of the impostor sydrome than the dunning kruger effect hahahaha.

i have been studying quite a bit when i get home, was going a training module today on a major piece of software.

Used the coffee maker today and one of our clients said that is some good coffee, reminds me of the maxwell house we used to drink at home when i was young. I said thank you thats the first pot o coffee ive ever made here hahahaha today is my second day.

he was an afro-american man with an MBA, very intelligent and well dressed hahahahahaha.

if most of the Black Men you met were like THAT, you might very well not be a racist, but be a damn pro-black, anti-white, anti-racist!!!!! no he was all right, i had no beef with him, clearly a Talented Tenth and would be welcome in my white nation hahahaha.

only working 6 hours a day which is perfect…..then come home and do some studying, and now i should go for a powerwalk, and thinking of bed at 8pm, i mean only 2 days in, of only 6 hour shifts, and i am feeling a crunch on my time in other words.  but i guess thats to be expected. will take a LITTLE getting used to.  so dont get NERVOUS or FREAK OUT about it. just ACCEPT IT. RADICAL ACCEPTANCE. DBT.

yassssssssssss rich spencer live at texas a&m, the skypes did not shut him down, its happening RIGHT NOW and there seems to be an enthusiastic crowd.

also some great uppity shitlibs. this is a Good School and is gonna get PhD level shitlibs and marxists.

yeah well spencer got into a phd program at duke, hahahaha.

shit i gotta go back and listen to this whole thing just to hear all the college leftists in detail and how he responds to them in detail. i missed the first hour of this.

but there needs to be a lot more of this, directly engaging and debating college shitlibs, uhhh because im not good at it hahahaha and really want to listen to someone who is confident and good at it.

TRS goys and univ shitlib marxist BLM together in the audience. NOICE. I gotta read more about this event. and the stuff that went on before, after, outside, nearby.

ebonic talking black female talking about whites doing genocide, youre building this country on the backs of black slaves.

i mean yeah you are gonna find the BEST (ie the worst, slimiest, most twisted) shitlibs at big, reputable univs like TAM, so yeah, more of this. lots more of this. YEAH BUDDY.

i wanna hear him and our side debate and argue with the other side, i dont hear it enough.

faggy philosophy student talking his love of logic and logicians from aristotle to russel, this is exactly what i want to hear, what i want spencer to BTFO, and which i cant handle, cuz i have no patience for hardcore logic hahahaha.

oh shit college “conservative” wanting to tell spencer he stands with the left to condemn spencers hateful rhetoric, how brave bantz spencer. RS is doing really well at this IMHO, needs to do this EVERY DAY. against even MORE hostile crowds.

2000 people PROTESTING him

whites with a phd in genetics asking how you determine white identity. god damn i hope that white guy is jooish. sadly he is probably an antiwhite white i fooking luv science! type shitlib. thankfully spencer is giving it right back to them, calling them fat idiots.

i made muh first discord post to share this link i found in the 504um hahahahaha

time phagazine.

sheeeeit this is exciting. wish i could stay up late but i gotta get up early and act like a SMART PERSON. even with nice people in a slow environemtn, ideal people in an ideal setting, its still exhausting to put on the face and act like a smart capable normie for a paltry 6 hours!!!!!!!!!!!! i have NO IDEA how i survived at the other job. thank GOD this one is much better. mentally but not at all financially hahahaha.