MEN UNDERSTAND BEING A WOMAN BETTER THAN WOMEN DO

LONG  9000 word POST!!!!!!!!!!

nov 16 2016

ok went to urgent care place to do job related physical and tb test. the place is a big health care company and i do not trust. would not want to work there. felt very sorry for the people who had to work there, forced to treat people as numbers, process people like cattle, even blacks and nonwhite dont deserve to be treated like that so UrgentCareInc can make more damn shekels. there was a white male about my age at the front desk and he was constantly on the phone talking about HR and DOT and stuff, and hopefully not being given a runaround or forced to give a runaround. the place was so busy they needed 2 people at the front desk. the place was huge in the back office and had a ton of nurses and assistants.

the nurse/assistant who helped me was a 50 year old woman who sounded like she smoked 10 packs a day. but she was white. she said her daughter recently became a Schoolteacher and she was surprised at how much they WORK. I said I know, it’s not what people think, those teachers are doing a ton of unpaid work every day, they get run ragged, i wouldnt want to be a teacher!

was very quick and short and curt, as was the doctor who came next, probably so they can get as many people in and out. these people move so FAST I am left with a sense of what the hell just happened? this is a LOT faster than my Speed Of Life.

there were some black women working the front and back desk. i was very nice to them. i am always very nice to everybody i talk to, white or nonwhite.

i didnt know what the tb test entailed. it entailed pricking my arm with a tb protein or something, then i have to go back in 48 hours so they can “READ” it. but no more than 72 hours. 24 hour window of time. i dont like getting pricked with needles, i hate needles, but this one was pretty minor.

nurse said take off your clothes and put these paper clothes and shorts on, doctor will be in in a few minutes. she left and i was like uhhhhhhhh cant i just wear muh t shirt and underoos? am i supposed to get fully nude and put this god damn paper gown and paper shorts on? wtf? so i said well, i will be a good goy and get fully nude and put this stupid shit on. the doctor can make fun of me if he wants. i didnt take a shower today, jokes on him, i just wiped muh crotch and balls with a paper towel, soap and water hahahahahaha. if hes an arab doctor he probably has similar hygiene hahahahaha.

he was a white male doctor! and there was no ball cupping, ball touching, or anything. he had me bend slightly at the waist. it went super duper fast, no cupping, no coughing, no butt stuff hahahaha, very easy. i threw the paper clothes in the trash. dr did not bitch at me for keeping my socks on.

went to HR and dropped papers off, asked about employment pools and internal postings and mailing lists and why dont you put your shit on indeed. i was assured that they no longer have a pool, but that they had my results from when i WAS in the pool, then they stopped the pool, but if they start it again, they will put me back in AND email me. good. i asked if there were any email lists i could get on. thats the thing about this place. there are all these hidden secret jobs, its like the god damn masons.

had a weird but somewhat fun dream last night. i was flirting somewhat with a qt young woman. it wasnt that woman, the dream woman was much smaller and petite, not my usual type but oh well. things were going well, then she disappeared. came back a few months later and said she got married to some guy she just met. i voiced my opinion and i was like, heres the thing, im not gonna pretend to be happy about this. i was starting to like you and i was really disappointed when you just left me in the lurch. i feel like you didnt give me a fair shake. and now youre marrying a guy who in your words you dont even know? dont you feel bad about just Ghosting me? this kinda sucks. i’m not happy about what you did. i’ll get over it but you should know that shit aint right. its not nice to do that to people.

so essentially saying stuff i wanted to say to That Woman hahaha.

now i prefer taller women with meaty Thighs and Asses, long legs, long arms, but i would be open to a Shorter women, provided she is not stumpy, stocky, or at all potatoey, and this dream girl was not, so thats good.

also another part of the dream involved me meeting millennial woes. that was fun. never had a MW dream before. we were hanging out and getting along real well till i said or did somethign that made him thing I was stupid or uncouth. and i was mad at myself for being an idiot around this guy i respected. but also it was just a misunderstanding too, he should really be open to that possibility. also what IF i am a crass uneducated trump voting redneck whitelash? hes alt right pro white, he of all people should appreciate this raw, uneducated white power hahahahaha.

or maybe i am reading this all wrong and blowing it all out of proportion and he DOESNT think that about me.

a part of the dream had me holding a heroin needle and thinking, well, i am tempted to experiment with opiates, BUTTTTT i hate needles and dont want to inject myself.

another part of the dream had me in a large room with millennial woes and i looked out the large windows and there were huge, demonic, savage looking wild boars/warthogs out there. huge and vicious, more than anything in the real world. i was like holy shit those things will tear us apart and they could just jump through the window right now and K us savagely, uhhhh arent you concerned about this? holy shit just look at those things!!!!!

so yeah it was a vivid and action packed dream but thankfully not too disturbing or terrifying.

i know it has to do with this big news of The New Job, that that is SUCH a big deal that I immediately KNEW it would take several days to get past the SHOCK and begin PROCESSING it.

later wed…..

ok today i got muh new hard drive AND the windows recovery disk AND the stick of ram. installed the hard drive and got windows going without issue. it just took forever to install. using my regular computer again now.

installed additional ram in other computer which muh fam uses so it isnt so shamefully slow. at first it didnt seem to take. then i took it out and pushed it back in again and this time the computer detected it. good times. hopefully fam notices a difference. i think i did although i did not do brutal shit to it to test it out.

downloaded antiwirus onto “new” ocmputer. which is using windows 7. this is a silver lining here because i wasnt thrilled wiht windows 10 but it was too late to roll it back.

google drive files updating nao.

installed libreoffice, notepad++, audacity, google drive, poker program. muh basics haha.

plus i think windows 7 is better with the wireless adapter which was always getting BTFOd on windos 10.

why? even microsoft Project Managers dont know WHY. or the Lead Senior Software Engineers under them.

ok listened to new deathspell omega again a few days ago and liked it more. drums sound really good. now im thinking its a human. just a really really good human, with crystal clear production but no phony triggery bullshit.

the last minute of the second song kinda grabbed me.

right there at 5:07, might be the key to enjoying the whole album. because the distortion on the guitar is decreased and he is not strumming so fast, so you can actually hear and comprehend the guitar part, which is of course plenty weird, its just much easier to digest. but there’s no dialing down the intensity of the drum part, in fact you can hear it all the better.

basically turn down the distortion on the guitars on the whole album and play longer notes!

but no, hes an autist that doesnt like to make it easy for the listener. thats all it is.

so yeah what i like about dso is that stupid, autistic chaos really IS an accurate representation of my mind when it is confused and distressed and anxious. like when i was at work thinking OH GAWD I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING IM SO CONFUSED AND SCARED my thoughts would be racing and crashing into each other like a damn dso song.

completely lacking any sense of judgment, not knowing whats right and wrong, whats real and whats not. whats happening with the job, whats happening with the woman, whats happening.

WHITELASH hahahaha. i am VERY GLAD to be a PART OF that WHITELASH.

now the pollsters are realizing the actual truth: that trump tapped into a White Voting Bloc. he spoke to Whites and whites voted him in. as a race conscious white i couldnt be happier. i dont apologize for being white, im not EMBARASSED by white people, i dont look forward to a time when whites are a minority, i don’t think you should not respect thomas jefferson because he OWNED SLAVES. then dont go to the fookin UVA you uppity skypes and googles hahahaha.

believe me i know white people who think its HORRIBLE that white people are even ABLE to vote as a group, and vote for such a horrible white racist as TRVMP.

fook NO i dont trust (((((KUSHNER))))) !!!!!!!!!! he could be a problem in the future. i hope he isnt. but i wouldnt be surprised if he is.

i just wish That Woman hadnt been so HORRIFIED by the idea of me liking her. you dont have to like me back, I GET THAT. Just dont act like its so DISGUSTING and GODAWFUL. Just say SORRY, I dont like you that way, this must be painful for you. dont HATE me for getting feelings for you. i would never hate somebody for that.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeit whatever. shit happened. bad shit. i learned to be more courageous and direct in the future. i just cant see myself ever being interested in a woman ever again.

although thats where the dreams can be useful. like in this dream last night, i felt myself sort of interested in this dream woman who wasnt THAT woman.

or this super attractive 9/10 woman who might be at the social event today hahahaha who is WAYYYYY out of muh league but damn is she nice to look at!

i mean im FINE with her being out of my league! i KNOW a 6/10 35 yo old man has no CHANCE at a 9/10 23 year old woman!

was concerned the ram would not take in the dell latitude. there are two ram slots. one easily accessible on the bottom, another buried under the keyboard. thankfully the easy access one was the open one. getting to it was easy. popped it in, seemed to fit well. start comp, not showing any difference. still says 2 gb ram, should be 4. do mem diagnostics test. no change. frowning. open it up again, pull it out, stare at it, pop it right back in. start comp, says preboot that memory has changed. this is new. ok great yes i did change it. start up, now it says 4 gb. PRAISE THE LORD. but WHY? what did i do DIFFERENTLY? i just took it out and put it right back in! did i have it in wrong? ILL NEVER KNOW hahahaha.

continued to buy more xmas presents for fam today.

nov 17

ok when they say “TB test must be read within 48 to 72 hours of administration” that is not very clear that what it REALLY means is, the full TB test is in 2 parts. the first time they prick you with a needle. then it may or may not have some affect on your skin in that area. then 48 to 72 hours after pricking, you have a 24 hour window where you MUST return to the clinic to finish part 2 of the tb test, which is given the rather unclear technical name of “reading.” just call it testing part 2. THEY are “reading” your skin somehow. the important thing to remember is you have to get pricked, WAIT 48 hours to go back, then go back, but not after 72 hours. or else then you have to get pricked again.

but they dont say any of that hahahaha.

that is the type of TRANSPARENCY i would have in MY company hahaha. tell you what you NEED TO KNOW. tell you the most important things so you can fully understand shit quickly. it would PROBABLY cut back on phone calls asking for stupid clarification.

and this is not a big deal at all in this case, but shit like this would INFURIATE me at my old job.

and another “pet peeve” about computers that, when you are working in Computer Service, is INFURIATING and will turn a mild mannered man into a savage frightened animal shrieking and screeching.

definition of insanity is doing the same thing twice and expecting different results.

SO WHAT DO YOU CALL IT WHEN YOU DO THE SAME THING TWICE AND DO GET DIFFERENT RESULTS????

it might be INSANE, but ITS HAPPENING!!! its happening to your equipment!!!! doing the same shit twice either fixed it or broke it! the insanity was consequential and important and valuable and you want to know WHY!!!!!

but the other def of insanity is, you will NEVER know why. its IMPOSSIBLE to know why.

now i wouldnt call any of these things “the definition of INSANITY” but i know what you mean. i would call it NONSENSE, or infuriatingly illogical, or bullshit, or this cant be, or wtf, or fooking ridiculous, this makes no sense. slightly insane i guess. hahahaha. chaos reigns.

hey lets look at the days since spreadsheet!

last time i actually talked to That Woman      492 days

last time i initiated contact, final email           458 days

last time i looked at degen jooish porn            374 days

bretty good amirite?

66 days since haircut. kinda starting to look bad.

was watching the woodstock movie on tcm last night. really is a great movie, worth buying permanently in whatever form you would do that. would have loved to watch it with That Woman, cuddle for 3 hours, smoke MJ for 3 hours, probably stop watching the long movie to have luving secs a few times hahahaha. i think she would have appreciated the movie, she liked a lot of that kind of music and sorta looked like a hippie.

i first saw the movie when i was like 20 and was pretty impressed, watched it again at 21 or 22 smokin MJ with muh old friend, good memories.

havent seen it since.

i still appreciate the music but now i have a much better big picture perspective on it, like the degeneracy, and seeing these white youths throwing their lives away on the new jooish degeneracy, which at the time was BRAND NEW and exciting and did not seem like degeneracy, but freeing and liberating and luv……but it was jooish degen. and none of these goys realized it.

but things did seem innocent because all this stuff was so new and people were optimistic and excited and happy.

great songs and performances too. when i was young i was electrified by for example joe cocker, now i was like, welp what drugs is he on. what drugs is this guy on.

seeing all these people in 1969 47 years ago and realizing i am older now than they were then. i am older than these young men with huge beards like that great performance by canned heat. their bass player is spazzing out like that because hes probably on ACID. MOST of these people are on ACID. or that guitar player is not on acid, hes just stoned as shit on MJ. pete townsend is probably on “uppers” because they didnt have coke back then. keith moon is on acid and uppers and booze. joe cocker is also on EVERYTHING. how much of this is an act, and how much of it is drugs? joe cocker could not keep up with this lifestyle, how did he survive till age 75 or whatever? either way his performance was great. richie havens is mesmerizing. he could be on acid or in a trance or something. but when he speaks between songs he seems normal. the way he plays guitar is so weird. how is he not breaking the strings strumming that hard. what tuning is he in that he plays with his THUMB like that. his voice is very haunting.

so yeah i still got all that, the performances were just as good as i remembered, but it was interesting to have perspective on it, that even these performers were too young to have!

i can understand being against the vietnam war, but immediately Da Joos got involved and turned it into a marxist thing. now i can see that for what it is. typical jooish disruption. jooish culture of critique. and none of the goys they scammed realized it. they were just about weed and acid and free love and fighting the man and the pigs.

but yeah since this was just STARTING and people were so excited, we got some really good music out of it, the likes of which has never again emerged from such cultural degeneracy. and again the music helped sell this degen and make people happy about it, including me for a time. its still great music.

also, people didnt talk nearly as much about white privilege, and whites and men werent hated as much. i think many of these early sjw’s were truly interested in naive equality rather than marxist revolution and punching up against whites and men. there were so many white men there at woodstock. healthy, young, beautiful white people, not at all fat, so many skinny in shape people, all getting fooked up on drugs and booze and frying their brains.

whites beginning to act like negros. look at all the frontmen gyrating around with their stupid tight pants. muh dick is all it is.

so yeah. such an interesting mixed bag of great music and genuinely optimistic people, but the beginning of generations of horrible jooish degeneracy that just got worse and worse. became nihilistic within 30 years.

and now finally in 2016, we have some long needed WHITELASH hahahaha.

THE SLEEPING GOY AWAKENS!!!!!!

i turned it off after joe cocker because it was 230 am, but i know there was a ton of good shit after that too.

some of the video is better than others, like the who video is kinda shitty because its too much roger daltrey and not nearly enough keith moon hahaha.

also just the language these people use, its stupid and childish but its honest and sincere, whereas today the leftist marxist sjw “hippies” have a much more SOPHISTICATED, JOOISH way of talking because of all their damn college. and they know they cant get away with looking and sounding like they are on ACID.

before and after a 40 year Jooish March Thru The Institutions hahahaha.

i mean there was already some jooish subversion going on in like the 1920s…..but it EXPLODED in the late 60s.

dont like muh bigotry? go cry to your hillary support group hahahaha. THE BUMS LOST LEBOWSKI!

WHITELASH!!!!!!

i realize this is not good for those trump supporters who are trying to defend themselves AGAINST accusations of bigotry and racism by the left. oh no were not racists!

and then i come out and say im a trump supporter AND a huge avowed admitted racist! it doesnt look good for trumps people.

well, i dont represent trump supporters in general, in fact id be MOST of the average WHITELASH voters, the white men trump supporters, really ARENT racist!

just me and the the 1% of people like me hahahaha.

only thing i SORT OF represent is the “alt right”.

http://web.archive.org/web/20161108042727/http://globalnews.ca/news/3052556/ontario-teen-who-called-for-white-canada-has-laptops-seized-by-cbsa/?sf41511983=1

did i post this nov 2016 news story about evalion DOXXED and harrassed by FEDS???

I am kinda suspicious of her but when she gets attacked by ZOG like this, i have to take her side. i mean she MIGHT BE batshit crazy, but she has made real sacrifices.

dont wear long fake eyelashes. you look like a decadent whore hahahaha. no im not talking to evalion. talking to the blond bitch on tarek and christina. christina the race mixer hahahaha. she is real hawt but wears too much makeup and horrible whorish eyelashes. dont do that. and tarek is the whitest looking arab i have ever seen, so…i guess thats good.

i am betting he is “only” half arab.

making whortina only half a race traitor hahahaha.

whatever id still bang her. shit id make white babies with her! i would have to work HARD to brainwash the crazy out of her though. probably wouldnt be worth it. 10 years ago, sure.

also she has a horrible voice hahahaha. kinda “secsy” but in the long term, annoying Vocal Fry hahahaha.

indicates moral laxness hahaha.

used up remainder of amazon gift card on columbia fleece jacket. plain black. agonized over color.

i mean i got like 100$ amazonbux for doing a survey activity.

anyway. just trying to say i dont really spend money frivolously. and when i really need new clothes…..i dont really get them, i have to FORCE myself, because ALL spending seems frivolous, but then when i actually DO spend the money and buy the new clothes……it was very much worth it. like with buying A Suit, etc. buy jeans, new shoes, now this fleece jacket. i kind of have one already but its technically the inner lining of a 2 piece jacket system hahaha. so i want to just put it in and leave it in there and not have to take it out of the jacket whenever i want to wear something like that.

also i am glad i Sacked Up and had a direct talk with the guy i wanted to talk to about MJ. I did not have high expectations, but i just wanted to introduce the idea. that i would like to go in with him on his next purchase if possible. turns out he is not making a purchase for….a few months and told me some exciting life news for him. so i appreciated that. i support him 100% in this endeavour and am not butthurt about not being able to get MJ! but hopefully when he is ready, he will tell me, and he does seem kinda reliable like that. i mean he is decent at Adulting, makes decent money, lives normie life, doesnt screw people over. that at least he knows that i am interested in Going In with him Next Time, so plz let me know when you are ready for next time hehehehe.

so yeah i crossed that off the list hehe.

ok gotta make a good impression at this job. get there 15 minutes early, leave 15 minutes late every day.  make coffee, buy coffee, buy bagels or donuts.

also, find Where The Information Is. knowledge base. case notes. case system. ticket system. S drive. intranet. ANYTHING i can access from home.

CAN I LISTEN TO PHONE CALLS?

that would have been a GREAT learning tool at my own job, but I was so flustered i didnt even think to ask. I mean I read a lot of cases, but actually hearing the calls while reading the cases would have been a lot better. just read and listen to calls for an hour when you get home hahahaha.

write everything down. make flashcards.

ask everybody about their families.

buy a large container of coffee regularly.

spend a ton of money frivolously to buy new clothes. nice shirts and pants that fit properly. take pants to chinese laundry to shorten the legs for my manlet stumpy legs. spend more money.

look people directly in the eye at all times and act like a real confident nonnevergf normie hahaha.

get hair cut regularly so it doesnt look sloppy and nevergf on the sides.

good thing about this job is that it could not be closer. it is literally 3 miles away.

some women ONLY date (ie fook, and get preggers from) TRASHY guys. not just good badboys, but BAD badboys, like deadbeats, drug addicts, woman beaters, felons, etc. people with real big problems. hehehe. they wont date you or fook you from tinder because you are literally not trashy enough.

there is a “tradwife” in the altright who was A Tranny but he/she “passed” remarkably well. they were obviously a not very masculine man who was able to pass as a woman better than some women, hahahahahahaha. i saw a picture and i was like, hmmm, they are young, skinny, really doesnt look too freakish, hmm i think i want to bang that man hahahahahahhaha.

and then they got “bullycided” from twitter and the internet in like april 2016 and stopped posting to their blog which was written quite well and is probably worth reading and basically advocates trad alt right values like family and masculine men and feminine women and was anti-homosex and promiscuity and degeneracy. so this person literally felt like a woman, a very very traditional woman, born into a very feminine man’s body.

anyway i know notorious sinead posted imho a rather inappropriate picture of this person which i dont know how she got. and sinead loves to attack the “alt k1ke” for being pro-gay, pro-tranny, pro-degen, etc.

anyway i just thought it was interesting that i felt a sense of SYMPATHY for the “tradwife.” ultimately  i was viewing them and treating them as a full real woman. i didnt see them as a man or a tranny. i didnt think it was fair for them to be bullied and shamed and i was kinda interested in their blog.

hahahaha maybe i secretly want to date the tradwife. how ridiculous would that be.

I AM WHITE KNIGHTING FOR A TRANNY hahahahaha.

yeah ok fine you caught me red handed. Oh well, so what. i certainly dont feel this way about most trannies, who are all about marxist degeneracy lock stock and barrel.

https://web.archive.org/web/20161109135829/https://valkyricvisionary.wordpress.com/

thing is, the tradwife would prob still be out of my league hahahahahaha because she wants a strong, proud, alpha man, just like every other woman hahahahaha.

but yeah he/she is a good writer, clearly very smart, and doesn’t really say anything too ridiculous. he/she views trannyism as an illness that can be successfully treated by fully adopting the desired gender role. rather than becoming some genderless genderqueer otherkin. i mean tradgrace wants to become a beautiful aryan woman in a wheat field. what he/she wants to become is a beautiful thing!

so yeah god have mercy on me but i have some sympathy for tradgrace.

although it SHOULDNT MATTER if a woman is smart or a good writer.

but if a woman IS smart and a good writer, i do usually like that, provided they arent some insane screeching leftist…..which they usually are.

but this isnt a woman!!!!!!

anyway i wish grace well, that is a hard life, im not gonna bully grace, i cant disagree with what xir says. hahahaha. well, xir’s preferred pronoun would certainly be “she”, as grace celebrates everything about Traditional Femininity!

https://valkyricvisionary.wordpress.com/

ok fine i will link to grace directly so SHE can see me linking, and then find me, and then she can be my waifu!

heh. if i were a total homosexual degenerate……wouldnt i want to bang men who dont identify as women, let alone who look quite convincingly like young, feminine women?

anyway. grace’s big mistake was to assume people wouldnt bullycide “her” for being a tranny. if she wrote this stuff and just presented herself as a normal woman, she would not be punished, and there would be 14888888888888888888888 alt right white virgins white knighting for her!

so yeah. i dunno. i think that is very courageous of grace.

come talk to a PHAG ENABLER like me, grindr greg, or millennial woes, we will give you a safe space and cuddles hahahahahahaha.

anyway grace is a bigger winner than me anyway. at least she is working on achieving her dreams and is I think a successful college or grad student. maybe. maybe heshe is a basement dwelling sperg. definitely not a fat ugly one though!

and if you read herhis writing without thinking of who is writing it…….its pretty unimpeachable.

yep looks like i want to date and marry and cuddle with a MAN. ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING hahahaha.

but sinead thinks the alt k1ke is infested with “tradwives”, well i cant think of a single other one other than grace, and grace was imho brutally, savagely, unfairly punished.

dont tell trs i think her punishment was too severe tho, i will get banned for being a fag enabler hahahaha.

well, technically tranny enabler.

anyway i really do wish grace well but i should stop thinking about this because i am starting to turn gay hahaha.

she basically wants to become a 100% woman and to marry a straight man.

well dont many trannies want to become full 100% women rather than genderqueer?

well ok fine. but they still dont want to become SUPER OLD SCHOOL TRADITIONAL women!

and i appreciate grace for attempting to really understand what really being a traditional feminine woman means. hint its not being a GIRLY GIRL and liking JUST GIRL THINGS.

a fooking MAN understands being a woman better than WOMEN do hahahahahahahah hrmmmm. wwawaawwawawawa.

or am i just butthurt because i am lonely and havent been with a woman as good looking as a MAN, in 11 years?

yeah i think thats part of it too. like if i things had worked out with That Woman I wouldnt even be ENTERTAINING the thought of Dating A Man, hahahahahahahahahahaha.

but yeah, tradgrace is just a really really really interesting case.

so yeah grace you can email me at ufmll at yahoo dot com and we can have a real good conversation hahahaha.

i fully believe that tradgrace has sucked and fooked less cox than the average 25 year old white woman!

anyway i wish i could write as coherently and have as much courage as this transexual man hahahaha.

when i was young we didnt HAVE an alt right. so your only recourse was to slip into a nihilistic escapist world of drugs and alcohol and confusion and chaos and maybe if you still cared about race you could find an internet forum of neo nazi losers who were fat drunk degenerate losers and lived in their mothers basements. never any average normie 13 dollar an hour normies. but crazy neet losers. not the type of people you want to hang out with. rejects hanging out with all the other rejects. drinking and complaining about how all women are negro fookin whores. which 49% of them are hahahahahahaha.

http://getgreenshot.org/

ok screenshot program here, i sent them a 2 dollar dnation toot toot toot toot hahahaha.

i only donate to projects where most of the people have white sounding names hahahaha.

its just EXHAUSTING that you have to be FIGHTING and ARGUING and SELLING and CONVINCING and PERSUADING people ALL THE TIME, like heres why this is valuable, heres why what were doing isnt technically screwing you, just bullshitting and selling all the time, every little and big thing, every person you talk to, youre trying to sell them something they dont want to buy. and i am not talking about “sales”. i am talking about “service”. heres why we cant fix this. heres why you/we cant do this.  its just EXHAUSTING. i dont have that much ENERGY. only TRVMP has that much energy.

tfw when no tranny trap qt to help boost your energy hahahaha.

no this is terrible. i never did any bullying to grace, i never bullied anyone.

sheeeeeeeeit. getting nervous about New Job. like what do i say when i dont know waht to say but still have to sound smart and confident and competent? impostor syndrome. how do normies DO this. how is this not a problem for more people. how could not one normie write one book on how to DO this.

i bet tradgrace would try to be nice to me when HE rejected me hahahahahahahaha

HE wouldnt throw me away like a piece of garbage, or get SO DISGUSTED that a low mate value man could get feelings for HIM hahahahaha.

ok ok i shouldnt be making light of tradgrace. really. im not making fun of him. i mean i dont even have a huge problem with calling him her.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=how%20to%20deal%20with%20assholes

how to deal with assholes

an INSANELY VALUABLE LIFE SKILL. I never really learned it. whether the asshole is a bully, or just a rude asshole, or an angry customer, or somebody demanding an explanation, or its just a tough situation. maybe you need to be the asshole.

heh. i might have good communication skills if i didnt get so flustered and nervous.

worried about getting somehow rejected, or humiliated. dumped, fired, yelled at, insulted, bullied, thought of as an idiot or a weakling, shamed, shunned, given a hard time, verbally abused hahaha.

emotional labor theres a new phrase i learned in current year hehehehe.

nov 18

ok not spacing out muh posts so well, get a short post followed by a very long post. DEAL WITH IT hahahaha.

heh i like this arab/negro bath where you just wash you crotch region with soap and water and a bounty paper towel hahahaha. pretty effective and ridiculously FAST. TIME IS MONEY wagie! TICK TOCK! BACK TO WORK! ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER DOLLAR!

ok. completed final tb test, the “reading”. this nurse woman looked at it for literally 1 second and said OK youre all set! then i took the papers they gave me and drove them down to HR myself because they said they were gonna mail a copy, and i figured, deliver the myself so they can get them before the end of the day friday, rather than get them on tuesday, plus thanksgiving next week, etc.

got pair of medium champion sweatpants. they do not look nearly as big and sloppy as the Large sweatpants. got the sweatpants with gift card from research study. no money wasting. but it would have been worth it to spend real money because they LOOK A LOT BETTER. less neet virgin, less incel, less r9k, less loser, less nevergf.

whenever i see a damn woman my first thought is a knee jerk automatic negative thought about her being a Stupid, Immature Slut, fooking lots of cox, and being lost and fallen and a big baby, a damn CHILD. contempt and smug superiority is the first thing i feel when seeing a random woman. and i cant even use that smug superiority to translate into masculine confidence in dealing with these women directly. in those cases, then i feel hugely inferior!

bought this book impulsively because i need to do SOMETHING to IMPROVE muhself hahahaha.

i just heard about DBT this year, a few months ago, from a person in the social work field, and then i started seeing it everywhere, and the best selling self help books were all DBT, see people mentioning DBT all over reddit, etc.  yeah marsha ((((linehan)))) is a jooess but I think she really does want to help people. (update: i think she is actually hwyte and linehan is an irish name)

and yeah DBT was originally developed for BORDERLINE…..but that doesnt mean it hasnt also been used very effectively for LESS SERIOUS things like bipolar or depression or anxiety.

so, me reading this book does not mean im an antiwhite joo, or that i am a totally batshit borderline.

Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & Distress Tolerance

uh YASSSS PLEASE these are all things i wouldnt mind improving!!!!!

so i thought well maybe i am a phag and maybe i would date tradgrace. but i wouldnt want to get sodomized by her D hahahaha. overall i just felt sympathy and pity for grace. i didnt think he/she should be thrown in the oven or bullycided. that in an ideal world we would use medical science to turn him into a real woman.

and that since im not really a real man, maybe it is appropriate that the best i can get is a not real woman. i mean me and grace both agree on the ideal of a man and a woman.

but a big worry of mine is that grace will have to continue taking female hormones the rest of “her” life. right?

and does something happen to hormone levels when you cut off a man’s balls?

im concerned about male vs female HORMONES in other words.

also, even if grace got rid of all the male hormones and got her D cut off and a Cosmetic V made….. he/she still doesnt have the internal works, the uterus, the ovaries, the menses, the physical essence of being a woman. even if he/she kinda DOES have the mental/spiritual essence of an Ideal Woman. he/she can never DO what WOMEN DO: have babies. and NOT in a way that an infertile woman can’t have babies.

so i thought, what is the best life for grace? whats the best way for them to have a family? should they?

I thought she might be a good tradwife for a beta male, or a gay man, or a guy like me that has good intentions, but just not enough Good Results to pull a Real Woman. and then maybe we could adopt white children from white deadbeats who have no interest in being good parents.

but i want REAL children of my own!

and dont you think GRACE does too?

so the best would be for grace to use her male sperm to have a baby with a white surrogate mother?

and then maybe grace could raise the child with her well-meaning but beta male husband?

how about an infertile male? plenty of men are “shooting blanks” and want to have children but they just have bad sperm!

another possibility would be grace becoming a celibate religious woman. but i am pretty sure grace is a larpagan and not into k1kegod hahahaha. hmmmm.

i think grace would be a good, loving parent to children…….but how the HELL do you tell your CHILD that their “mother” was born a MAN? do you EVER tell them?

this is a rock and a hard place. thats why i feel such sympathy and pity for grace. i think he/she is proceeding the best he/she can under these ridiculously unfortunate circumstances.

see i never felt like a real man, always inadequate and inferior and fairly feminine………..but i was never unhappy with being a MAN, i NEVER felt like im a woman stuck in a mans body.

i just feel like a Highly Above Average Feminine man, and I dont whether I should try to purge that femininity from me. i mean, im ok with accepting it……but so many WOMEN are NOT! And I would prefer to be with a woman than a transexual MtF hahahahaha.

really i think the answer is not for me to remove femininity from myself, but rather ADD MASCULINITY. by doing shit, facing fears, being courageous, being productive, lifting weights, doing more manly things.

i dunno. maybe grace needs to find her FtM counterpart haahahaha then they can get together and raise white children.

i mean yeah grace is literally a very special snowflake hahahaha.

so how could grace impregnate the FtM? they would both have to be “PREOP”. im not even sure grace is preop. I am SURE grace looks at her D and feels disgusted and wants to get rid of it.

i have NEVER had that feeling, except on VERY rare occasions like “i wish i could chop this stupid thing off and stop being attracted to women!!!! because im sick of failing with women!!!!!”

it wasnt a persistent thing, like i really really really really want to get rid of this D.

shit. did i mention i got a call for an interview today from the Top Rated Health Company I reallllllllllly wanted the IT job at, interviewed for, never heard back. they called today. i was like oh shit are they gonna OFFER me the IT job. then i would HAVE to turn down the job i was just offered. but no. it was for the different payroll job i appleid to a few days ago. so i was like welp i accepted this other offer, sorry, but I think your company is great and I may well apply in a year.

but yeah. it was just haunting to me that a “batshit crazy trannie” probably has had a less degen life than the average REAL woman, tons of casual sex, abortions, throwing people away, breaking hearts, cheating. grace hasnt done ANY of that. probably only been with 1 or 2 guys. long term rels only. and also all women are crazy anyway, dont know what they want, they are probably jsut about as crazy as a man who wants to become a woman.

hehehehe.

but I have HUGE issues with women tho!!!!!! maybe if i didnt, then i would have a more “appropriate” reaction towards grace, that is, throw this degenerate into the oven immediately!!!!!!

so maybe this DBT book by the jooess will help me with my automatic negative thoughts and feels about Women hahahaha.

its not even BY the jooess, its by goys and building on the framework of the jooess.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marsha_M._Linehan

uhh she is a “long term roman catholic” hehehe. is linehan a jooish name? i thought it was but it may be one of those irish names that sorta SOUNDS jooish. anyway linehan herself was/is batshit crazy with schizo and or borderline……but she became a very respected professor.

http://www.linehaninstitute.org/index.php

anyway i…..am starting to think she is not jooish. good!

http://archive.is/8htuM

joo york slimes article on linehan

wow she went through some shit, was totally batshit institutionalized, many suicide attempts, but gradually got her life together, did a lot of praying to catholic god, also got into mindfulness, i can appreciate all this! good for her! seriously!

http://blogs.uw.edu/brtc/

 

ok linehan is an IRISH name hahaha confirmed. good.

i mean i dont rule joos OUT, like i still like leonard cohen, its just that when im not sure about a person, i would prefer for them to be not jooish, because, on the whole, on average, joos are bad hahahahaha.

i mean if i could ever think straight and not be anxious or angry and flustered, and in control of muh emotions, i think i am probably smart enough to figure out how to do things, how to fix problems, how to communicate well, how to be competent, how to add value, how to SELL shit all day, how to bullshit my way out of things, hahahaha. but its just i always get flustered by muh emotions. which is what women do hahahaha.

NOT ALL WOMEN.

NOT EVEN MOST WOMEN hahahaha.

ok. i think i concluded that i will tell people that i was LAID OFF and that the center closed in late spring 2015. none of the coworkers are gonna try to investigate when the center closed. and then i just had a REAL HARD TIME finding a job and did NOT want to go back to the Service Desk World, BAMN, and I had a tuff time finding a non service desk job.  REAL tuff. hey. i coulda taken this FT job for 16 bucks an hour, but id rather take a part time job for 11 bucks an hour, because its not a service desk!

so yeah these sweatpants look a lot better than the old ones. i should just throw them out. i mean when you wear clothes that are just WAY TOO BIG you look BAD, like a FAILURE hahahaha, it is not good for the CONFIDENCE. i mean if you have unshakable confidence and a qt trapwaifu to loyally comfort you, fine, good for you, dress like a slob and see how long your qt trapwife will stand by u, hahahaha. but if you are a lonely emo just struggling to do the bare minimum, you need all the help with confidence you can get, and Dressing Better is a very valuable thing.

did i mention i showed courage and bravery and asked this guy about MJ. so i am just glad i showed courage and bravery and talked about it directly. he said he could not do it right NOW, and i said thats just fine, and it really is, he had a very good reason.  i was just glad to DO SOMETHING like a MAN and not be too AFRAID to DO SOMETHING.

of course MJ is degen AF hehehehe. but i want to go thru that degen phase. its not NEARLY as degen as being a tranny or a WOMAN hahahaha

heh. between WOMEN and TRANNIES, i sympathize with the TRANNY. WOW. that says a lot about ME.

but honestly. i dont mean to bully or be mean to grace. he/she has a tough path in life, and he/she has the good intentions of wanting to do whats best for The Race. which is more than i can say for most women hahahaha.

yeah but women arent SUPPOSED to care about the race!

women arent SUPPOSED to be mature adults!

women arent SUPPOSED to know what they want!

women arent SUPPOSED to be held accountable for anything!

the dog isnt SUPPOSED to control himself from eating the steak!

women arent SUPPOSED to learn how to CONTROL themselves! only MEN are SUPPOSED to do that!

see? see? slippery slope hahahaha.

women are SUPPOSED/EXPECTED to be able to know that killing your babies is wrong!

THEY DONT KNOW ANY BETTER!

THEY CANT BE EXPECTED TO ACT ANY BETTER!

THEYRE INCAPABLE OF being responsible, accountable, full mature adults!

well yeah a lot of them ARE tho.

if i actually hung out more women who WERE mature adults then i would see that literally NOT ALL WOMEN are immature bratty children.

then i would probably fall in luv with them and they would treat me like a bratty child would hahahaha.

prof linehan spent years in a psych ward for schizo and got tons of thorazine and electroshock, but she still did well with her life. they said she was schizo but she thinks she was actually Borderline.

im really not sure which is worse. both are horrible. schizo is TECHNICALLY worse probably, but i still think borderline is FOOKING AWFUL.

anyway if DBT can work on FOOKING AWFUL serious shit, then it stands to reason that it could work on more pleb garden variety shit tier stuff. babbys first mental disorder like despair or anxiety hahahaha.

which is more of a spiritual or moral disorder hahahaha. ok, how about “EMOTIONAL”. i would def agree on that term. i mean what is “mental” anyway.

took some nyquil. probably dont have to!

got a list of things i should study before starting the job in over 2 weeks. programs and shit.  i wanted to make a good impression with the boss. told him i want to HIT THE GROUND RUNNING so theres as little of a learning curve as possible and that i can study as much shit as possible in the 2 weeks before i start. here is muh cell phone number and personal email boss, you can give them to the other people on the team.

can i log into my account. did the admit set up my account yet. i would do it myself if i could, but uh thats a OpSec AppSec NetSec issue, we cant all be admins hahaha you as a phd would understand. i dont need to tell you this boss. but i know you know, and i want you to know i know you know.

had a dream last night that featured andrew anglin, and, in a cameo appearance, weev. i was in a bookstore or comic book store that was owned by anglin. he regularly came in and did honest work in the store, selling his books and dealing with angry asshole customers. i said to the other customers, dont you know who that little guy is? thats anglin man, he owns this store, he’s done all this great work for our race, i should say something to him. i was too scared to approach him since he appeared focused on work and wasnt talking to anyone. weevs cameo was as an assistant of anglin. they were calling peoples names who had orders. he called my name for like the 3rd time as i came to receive the 3rd or so book i had ordered. this one was the autobiography of anglin himself, which looked like a fun book with plenty of graphic novel / comic type illustrations.

that was about it. i didnt talk to anglin OR weev.

anyway both of these guys should write books, incl autobiographies, id buy them and read them.

its possible anglin is currently in the US. of course i cant blame him for being circumspect about where he currently is. he also has a very qt blond gf, total 8/10 at least. good for him. he is shorter than ME but he is WAYYYYY more manly than me. i mean look at all the good he’s done with his LIFE. i ADMIRE him.

i hope he doesnt go crazy when his gf dumps him. i hope she is nice to him when she dumps him. i hope she doesnt dump him, and they get married and have 5 children!!!!!!!!!!

but he and me have similar dim views of women. and i dont want that to keep him from meeting a good woman. i bet he has faced a lot of humiliating rejection from women in his life, and so i sympathize with him greatly.

no proof. just speculation because he is really short and he has a knee jerk negative attitude about women. but TOO MANY ARE huge sluts!

but if he (I) didnt get rejected more than he got Luved, then he wouldnt even THINK about all those sluts. those rejecting sluts, who say yes to everyone else, but NO to manlets like us hahahaha.

well i dont WANT a woman who says YES to everyone else…….well i dont want them for the mother of muh children. but i might want them right NOW for the short term because i havent been with a woman in 11 years hahaha.

hehehehe

get therapy, work on yourself for at least 10 more years and you cant date anyone until you are 100% fixed, prepare for 10-20 years, or a lifetime of, incel hahahaha

you cant date until youre perfect. women can date even when they are batshit imperfect. because women can get pregnant. this is right and just.

i just wish women were LESS HARSH to the men they arent attracted to. accept that this is a person and not a disgusting vermin hahaha. of course hes not entitled to you to like him back. just dont PUNISH him for having the AUDACITY to LIKE you. its not the end of the damn world. he isnt commiting a damn CRIME.  its like EXECUTING someone for going 6 over the speed limit. It’s like sawing a persons face off while they’re alive and screaming, for doing a lane change with not enough turn signalling. punishment does not fit the crime.

i was referring to this horrible shock video of a mexican drug cartel torturing and killing this guy by slowly tearing his face off while he is still conscious hahaha. I AINT WATCHIN DAT SHIT N199A.jpg hahahahaha.

no i never watched it. i just read a thread about it. 10 years ago, i would have been tempted to watch it. now, hell no.

buy new balance shoes and products because they are hated by leftists and try to make a lot of their products in the US and have not sold out to CHINA. and a ton of shitlibs are boycotting new balance, and nationalists and rights are openly wearing new balance as a signal. DO IT.

yeah i know its wayyyyyyy too expensive if youre a neet. or even if you are not a neet but just a normie making 12 bucks an hour and pay 800 bucks a month for rent and 1000 bucks a month for college loans and 300 bucks a month for car and 300 bucks a month for health care and 100 bucks a month for cable and 100 bucks a month for utilities.

thats 2600 bucks every month for expenses. at at 12 dollars an hour, you only MAKE 2400 bucks at 50 hours a week, WAGIE. so how can you AFFORD to spend 80 bucks on a pair of PRO WHITE SHOES.

 

 

THE 40 YEAR OLD NEET

oct 8

so the left and hillary and cuckolds are so disgusted by what trump said about “WOMEN”, as if he is endorsing Raep, telling men to go out and grab and force themselves on women, msnbc literally called him a “SEX CRIMINAL”, wen the point is, there are women, many women in the world for which this talk is accurate. sluts that give it up easy and allow themselves to be treated like meat, and on some level they enjoy it. short term gurls. sluts. not the type of gurls you bring home, not the type of gurls you invest in or marry or make the mother of your children. funtime gurls. these are the type of women trump is talking about, not ALL WOMEN. there are basically TWO types of women, hahahaha. the madonna and the whore hahahahahahaha.

well this is WRONG, we have to accept that all women have BOTH the madonna and the whore combined. that the same woman who likes being Grabbed By The Pvssy by Rich Powerful Men (or pushy negroes) is the SAME woman you need to have your children.

come on. do you REALLY think trump raised his DAUGHTER to be one of THOSE gurls??? does he want his daughters to be grabbed by the pvssy? no! he didnt raise those kind of daughters. and look at his children, all his damn children, they are wholesome as fook, well except his daughter married a joo. that might be a little better than being a disgraceful whore though. i mean she can always divorce the joo, or renounce jooishness. you cant renounce 40 cox you took in your whore past.

best song ever hahahahaha.

it hit me in feb 2015 during a very low and stressful point. my confidence was about as low as it is now, but my stress level was much higher as i was working terrible job. confidence was low because essentially muh rel with the woman Had Ended. She was DONE but i didnt realize it yet, i kept trying to hang out with her. talk to her. not realizing how DONE she was. not wanting her to be done. obviously. so at the end of long horrible days i would get blazed and listen to THIS SONG repeatedly and it actually calmed me down.  it was a truly positive memory. smokin spliffs and listening to this song. i remember that ritual fondly, even as it occurred in the middle of a pretty bad time.

i guess that is how much i enjoy degen negro MJ hahaha.

now i am glad to be rid of all that damn stress, but my confidence is just as low, or lower, because it sucks to be thrown away like that, and it takes a long time to bounce back, and, just as important, is it REALLY wrecks the confidence to be a jobless bum loser who cant get a job and cant keep a job and is thrown away by a woman he loves who makes more money than him and now hes struggling like hell to get a damn job that makes way less than she does.  in the long run the long term joblessness is probably affecting muh confidence MORE than the shit with HER.

cuz it means i can be a basic normie and work like everyone else. everyone gets dumped and heartbroken….but everyone else also carries on and works like a normie.

its a sad thing when a woman crosses over from being a good woman to a bad woman. the two types of women. to see a woman Spoil like that, its very sad, right up there with Losing A Child, losing a family member, being abandoned, losing your Livelihood.

fasting today because i somehow overate two days this week. damn. cut muh weigh ins to once a week, saturday afternoon, and today saw that i was EXACTLY THE SAME as last week. damn. prob cuz i had two cheat days in one week. and lemme tell ya folks, the cheat days dont feel like cheat days. its a damn struggle just to meet the goal.

stupid nyquil. i mean you just feel tired and low energy and kinda despairing and negative the next day, thats what i really dont like about it. wish i could just do MJ instead!

this was another big album for me when i was 17 or so, and by far MDB’s greatest album. the one two punch of “the crown of sympathy” and “turn loose the swans” near the END of the damn album is just brilliant and awesome. MDB would never even come close, which is kinda sad. 23 minutes of spine tingling musical perfection hehehehe and they  have been around longer than 23 YEARS hehehehe. more like 30 years. scary.

mixtape 2016 hahahaha

good thing i dont have a bitch to share this magical music with and take away my ability to enjoy it hehehehehahahaha.

ok “the cry of mankind” on their next album “the angel and the dark river” does come kinda close.

and then thats it folks, thats all the my dying bride you really need, sad to say.

good fathers dont raise gurls to become the TYPE of woman you just grab by the pvssy.

no NOT every woman has a little bit of this in her. but too many women do because they have been poisoned by our sick, degenerate, JOOISH culture which has been rammed down our throats since the SIXTIES.

for TWO OR THREE FULL GENERATIONS NOW. people MOTHERS and GRANDMOTHERS were degen sluts.

transilvanian hunger at .5 speed on youtube hahahahahaha. now they do pitch shift it so that sounds pretty weird.

dont marry some slut that likes it when men grab her by the pvssy like a slut.

there are two kinds of women in the world. those that would make good wives and mothers, and those that dont. which kind do you think trump was talking about. what kind of woman do you want to marry. what kind of woman do you want to raise your daughter to be. 

i cant put it any more plainly than that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i dont use question marks because these really arent questions.

funny. i remember a time BEFORE  i was in luv with her, and i thought clearly: you know, we get along great, and shes a great person, i really SHOULD be interested in her, but Im NOT. she would make a great wife and mother. maybe I should just FORCE myself to try to date her and see what happens. or make a PACT that if shes not married by 30, we can get married and have children, i mean I could do a LOT LOT LOTTTTTTTTTT worse, so WHAT if i dont feel a SPARK and im not in LUV with her.

and maybe I did “force” myself a little bit…….but when i did, it started an AVALANCHE, and the REAL TRUE LUV this avalanche unleashed was REAL AF and has taken 15 months to get over.

lesson: when i was being COMPLETELY LOGICAL about it, I logically saw that she was a good Mate for me and good wife and mother material. But I whined that I didnt have Special feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelings for her. So I tried to FORCE myself to have special feeeeeeelings for her…………..AND IT WORKED “BETTER” THAN I EVER EXPECTED.

what exactly did i do that was so effective? i dont even know. I just THOUGHT about it. really thought about what it would be like to make out with or fook her, rather than just say ew weird and STOP thinking about it. thinking about what it would be like to cuddle with her, which certainly was never as “weird.” thinking about some other guy fooking her helped a lot too hahahahahahaha. if he could, why couldnt i, hahahahahaha.

honestly this si not so complicated. when she was with her long term BF, i respected their relship and there was NO QUESTION to me that she was OFF LIMITS. when THAT ended, she was no longer off limits. and her getting into a short term, degenerate dating did nothing to change that. I will respect a 5 year rel, i wont respect a few months of “dating.” besides, that ended TOO.

trump wasnt talking about WOMEN you dumb cvnts, he was talking about SOME women, a certain KIND of woman, the kind you DONT want to marry or have kids with. the kind you have Netflix Chill Tinder FUN with.

all these women getting mad are the SAME women who have been Grabbed By The Pvssy by Strong Men……and they ENJOYED it. although they might have felt shame and regret later when the strong man dumped them.

marry women and raise daughters who DONT enjoy being grabbed by the pvssy. marry wives and raise women that would kick that man in the Ballz and then who would tell her husband or father, who would then knock that guy out with a solid punch to the face. the end.

or i guess the woman could do that too, or taze or pepper spray the guy.

like james bond says, i am a gentleman, but i’m not always a gentle man.

not sure if that was james bond. but it could have been.

now james bond was a degen who grabbed more than few women right in the pvssy, including nonwhite women. they guy was a damn near sex addict muh dick negro!

anyway did pretty much a 24 hour fast, then ate a huge dinner that i wanted to make special, got a order of Curry Noodle from thai place for the first time in at least 9 months. it was great. i ate the whole thing hahahahaha so that was probably more than my daily limit of 1200 calories, hahahaha.

well i measured it out and it was like 4 cups worth of rice noodles, ridic curry sauce, and chicken. turns out rice noodles do not have as many calories as i expected. less than 200 per cup.

i suppose there could be coconut milk in that curry sauce, and that stuff is pretty caloried.

if trump needs vouching for this women remark, and he SHOULDNT, i think his daughters could do a pretty good job of that.  i mean all his children are huge winners and they all really need to be playing an even larger role. and i think they would all vouch he was a good father.

i dont even know why im thinking about it. well all these republicucks saying they are gonna write in pence instead of vote trump. never thought of throwing your vote away on a write in candidate. but is that a REAL risk with regular voters? i just dont know.

i mean at the very least we need to split the country into 2 countries, right and left, and then maybe the right country could further break up into Ethnostates, and the left side would become a big brown muddy shithole like venezuela or something. all the white leftists and mudsharks who wanted diversity and nonwhite dick would be welcome to go there.

oct 9

maybe we are reaching a time of such peak degeneracy that men simply dont CARE anymore that their GF has been with 30 guys. like yeah shes a slut and been with 30 guys but im a manwhore and ive been with 50 gurls, were all sluts nao, who cares, its just animals fooking, if it does work out big deal, ill find another slut, i mean long term rels are stupid and doomed anyway, ill just keep fooking sluts till i die, and its not like ill ever fall in luv, all these sluts are basically the same, you get bored of them after a few months tops. why would i want to get MARRIED to one of these sluts. and have children? thats too much responsibility, then i cant bang sluts, get drunk, plus it costs too much money, i dont have that kind of money.

yeah this plaguewielder album is better than i remember it! indeed does have a great ride cymbal sound! and yeah i like it when darkthrone tries to sound at least somewhat like a BLACK metal band, whereas lately they are more about being a “pan-old-skool-heavy-metal band” which is theoretically ok…….but i just want more BLACK metal in there: more black metal vocals from culto, more “blasting” (ie not super fast, TH style “blasts) from fenriz, and the more typical “black metal” riffs to go along with that.

i dunno the riffs sound familiar because i heard them 14 years ago or so……but now they sound better. really kinda weird.

on transilvanian hunger he does that same beat for the first 24 minutes of the 40 minute album hahahahaha.

its weird that reddit is so permissive for men to watch porn, like yeah its normal for all men even married men to watch pron reguarly. no big deal.

heh. apparently some people use the phrase “hooking up” and they DONT mean Secs. They just mean “MAKING OUT.” well just SAY Making out becuase i automatically assume its Secs. youre painting a negative picture of yourself. so when somewhat says hooking up, ask them what that means.

also what about women who Blow guys but dont Fook them? thats almost as bad in my book. do you want a gurl who has Sucked Off 40 guys? also, if a gurl will blow you, shell fook you. i mean a damn dirty dick in your mouth, thats a pretty whorish thing to do. good gurls dont suck dick before fooking the guy, and they dont fook the guy until they have established a monogamous official rel.

so a woman that jumps to suck your dick the same day as meeting you, holy shit. really signalling what type of woman she is then. thank her for it hahahaha.

i mean its really hard, and probably IMPOSSIBLE, to simply LIKE a woman like that.

so its heartbreaking when a woman you LIKE turns out to BE like that, and i really wish she werent. but she is.

and also you have 10 times the difficulty getting and keeping a job, and everybody makes more money than you, including women, and you cant deal with life at age 30 hahahaha.

even the 40 year old virgin was not a neet. there should be a movie called the 40 year old neet. maybe he would be a virgin too. or better, he had secs with one woman once when he was 20, and that was it.

ok trying to start a table of poker to get my mind off and its sunday and i dont want to job search hehehe.

ideally i would like to do MJ but….i gotta find a better way to Self Soothe.

and yes MJ is degen…..but so is sitting around in neet despair!!!!!!!!!!!!

and mj alleviates the neet despair and ALSO makes it easier to survive nonneet working life.

shit makes it easier to survive neet life too!

i mean really. during my darkest times, smokin MJ was literally a light in the darkness. a ray of sunshine. i still remember those times fondly, even though they were surrounded by even darker times. i get a ridiculous amount of fun and enjoyment and happiness from MJ that I just cant get elsewhere in Life, except by being with a Beloved Waifu. and I just dont see there ever BEING one of those again. ipso fatso, better get back on the weed train.

i mean i was

https://forum.grasscity.com/threads/medical-marijuana-card-and-background-checks.820024/

i could just get a job in a restaurant because everyone who works in a restaurant smokes MJ!!!!!!

hehehehe.

how about this. give the sleazy waitress at this semi sleazy bar “restaurant” i go to a big tip and ask her where i can get some MJ. i guarantee she smokes MJ and probably does other stuff. supposedly the rule is front of house does coke and alcohol, back of house does MJ.

holy shit lisa link this is life doing an hour on The Pickup Artist Community

now she is talking to a 45 year old virgin who feels there is something deeply wrong with him and he just wants a normal loving relship and to be normal and confident and have a GF and eventually a wife and not be a damn weak weirdo virgin.

the show gets at the idea that this is not about secs, its about something deeper:

Pick Up is not about secs, its about finding a damn WIFE or a GF, from guys who are so unconfident and social failures than they cant even get SLUTS to have Secs with them. And its clear they dont really care about the secs as much as just having a damn long term rel with a woman. But They Can’t, because they cant even talk to a woman, they cant even date the EASIEST woman.

Its misleading that the pick up leaders talk about sluts and secs so much, but the lame weak virgin omegas who are the Customers, they want smething much less DEGENERATE: they just want an actual REL with a woman, they dont CARE about secs with sluts.

but apparently you need to practice your social skill on sluts before you can have good enough social skills to get a nonslut???!?!?!

i dont know, i’m close to the level of these pathetic customers myself! the only difference is that i DID have secs with an easy slut, i apparently had the social skills at age 21 to do that.

but never again! and really that was just a combination of me looking healthy and young, and being DRUNK!!!!

now i look about 20 years older and i dont drink any more.

interesting to see this is still around in 2016, but i guess im not suprised, there will always be desperate unconfident me.

telling that they have the men do confidence-building exercises, like walking on coals shouting “i like myself! i like myself!” hahahahahahahahahahaha. this truly does strike the root of the whole thing, that these men totally lack confidence, and thats the ROOT CAUSE of WHY they cant get women.

once i learned that simple lesson, i lost interest in pick up and got to the real deep political and racial and moral shit hehehehe.

but i STILL have no confidence and STILL cant pull women and would STILL benefit from pick up artist techniques!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

which is simply be masculine and be confident and you will get women. these arent really “techniques.” its a very natural way of being that its unnatural to not have those natural habits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

who CARES if its “canned” if the women are responding to it and fooking the guys? the women dont really CARE!!!!! why should YOU?????

and women cant understand this because NO woman has EVER been THIS desperate and lonely. they can’t believe that another human being can get this bad. but men can! it so clearly points out the simple profound truth: WOMEN ARE THE SUPPLY, MEN ARE THE DEMAND, and woman just cannot accept that! well because it shows women in a position of strength and power and privilege, rather than a helpless victim.

what brings these guys here? BECAUSE THEY HAVENT DATED A WOMAN FOR THEIR ENTIRE ADULT LIFE!!!! 10, 20 YEARS OF LONELINESS!!!!!

one guy is handsome but a sweet niceguy virgin.

one guy was married but the divorce crushed all his confidence.

but all these men are lonely and want a real rel with a woman. theyre not antisex either, but they cant even get sex, cuz they are not confident or aggressive enough.

the pua vince something has some good lessons but he dresses in a ridiculous peacock style that undermines his credibility. why not just dress like a Rich Preppy. Brooks Brothers or something. none of this pink mohawk peacock shit.

also you will probably pull better wife tier women with the preppy A E S T H E T I C  anyway.

so yeah thats great advice for all neet virgins out there: dress like total Chad The Superrich Preppy. Look like a white man in a brooks brothers catalog.

so just build confidence in the men.

but WHAT BUILDS CONFIDENCE IN MEN?

BEING SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

you can get some confidence WITHOUT women by being succesful in your JOB/CAREER (i and most neets are a total failure at this).

really the ONLY other option you can build confidence is by LIFTING.

these men are here because they are 29 years old and never had a GF and they are like holy shit this cant go on.

and sometimes much older than 29!!!!!!!

like we say, its not too weird if a guy is 21 and a virgin, even 23, maybe 25 at the latest. but after 25 it DOES start getting weird.

thankfully i stopped being a V at age 21, but I was more than weird enough, because i never really dated a woman by age 25, 30, etc. thats just as weird.

the show points out rightfully that men are becoming less masculine, more shy, etc.

this is very true, but WOMEN are also becoming more disgusting and degenerate and responding only to negro strongmen type masculinity. toxic masculinity hahahahahahahahahahaha.

women who have been with 40 guys and who have spent 10 years in relships just cant even relate to guys who have only been with 0-1 gurls and spent 0 months in relships. and vice versa.

of course i dont think these guys should be going to clubs either because these are full of nothing but degenerate gurls. i guess 1% of these gurls might be good women dragged along by their degen slut friends. well, with friends like that, it was inevitable theyd become sluts anyway.

besides banging 25 year old sluts would be good for their confidence, better than banging 35 year old sluts.

but yeah  i will give the tv show a littl crrrredit for realizing that its all about CONFIDENCE. because it really is.

i mean shit i wish i could buy confidence because its the most valuable thing a man can have.

well you can buy nice clothes and that does help.

well at least those guys, even the 45 year old virgin, had decent jobs. and a decent job didnt give them enough confidence to pull dirty negro fookin cvm bucket skanks!!!!!!!!!!! a good job didnt give them enough confidence to pull the cheapest, easiest, worst women!

also i think there is something to the “wolf pack” concept where average “beta” men can boost their confidence and “social capital” by going out in groups and giving them strength in numbers, that they might be able to Pull Easier than if they were completely alone.

so omega white men need to form GANGS instead of playing vidya in their basements hahahahaha.

just get some MJ and then invite Stoner Sluts to smoke MJ and then blow and then bang you. easy hahahahaha.

another great idea i had is that to find the more quality women on dating sites, you have to PAY for it. of course your competition i guess would get fiercer then, cuz its guys serious enough to PAY. also….if the women dont pay, wouldnt it be the same mudshark sluts you find on tinder or okcupid? but women shouldnt have to pay to be on a dating site! women are the supply, men are the demand!

well really women shouldnt be on ANY dating sites EVER for that very reason!!!!!!

so yeah i dont think i can really reach a conclusion here. either you will look better because the women wont be as bombarded with low quality men, so you’ll look better……..

or there will be a higher percentage of high quality men and you will look WORSE!!!!

so if you want to look better BY COMPARISON, then its best to go to free dating where there is a TON of shit so you can look good next to them! and the quality of women on ANY site, regardless of whether the MEN pay, is gonna be about the same!

so the REAL question is, are the WOMEN willing to pay to have access to the Higher Quality Men? and then you will pay to get into THAT pool.

because the goal is a high quality woman, not a low quality woman.

find a place that is is both a bar and a restaurant. then wait outside for the druggie degen workers to come outside for cig break. then ask them if they know where to get any MJ. give them 10 or 20 dollars for the info.

make sure the place is kind of sleazy and has some clientele who come there to get WASTED on cheap drinks. working class white people getting HAMMERED on 2 dollar big beers. and then they can order some burgers and fries to soak up all that beer and get food in the stomach to soak up MOAR BEER. then they stagger out, smoke some MJ, and fall right on their face and pass out and go to their Manual Labor Working Class Job the next day. that kind of place hahahahaha.

avoiding messages from their fat mudshark GF who eventually dumps them for a black guy, until they find another fat white trash mudshark, rinse and repeat hahahahaha.

what a life!

heh. i bet it DOES ruin a rel when the woman starts making more money than the man. never had that happen to me cuz i was never in a rel hahahaha but all the women i liked eventually went on to make more than me, and now, EVERYBODY makes more than me, and if i get a 12 dollar an hour job, most people will STILL make more than me, including women.

now im not talking about a situation where the woman has a medical degree and the man has a GED. then of COURSE she is gonna make more money than him. I ‘m talking about they ahve about the same level of education or the woman has LESS, and at the time they start their rel, they are making about the same, but over time, she just manages to fare better in her working life and get better paying jobs than her slightly-more-educated man.

like what happened with me and her hahahahahahahahaha.

sometimes i feel like my i dont want to say “hateful” but just disrespectful, contemptuous, chilly, cold attitude towards women, well if i feel this cold towards women, then what the hell does it matter if i look at porn? women are all dirty whores anyway!!!!!!!! i might as well use it to help me Jerk Off because I sure can’t think of anything real life to jerk off to!

so this is a slippery slope. WHAT DOES IT MATTER, WOMEN ARE ALL WHORES ANYWAY, and porn is a realistic representation of that!

well, WRONG, because even though normie women are huge whores, they are only HALF as bad as the whores in porno.

and its just harmful to the soul to watch porn and puts you in a degen mindset that is not good.

shit its better to just hate women and think all women are whores, than to WATCH whores being whores. i think i would just hate women even MORE and thats not good.

darkthrone. tried listening to “arctic thunder” again today. came out thinking welp the first song “tundra leech” is obviously the best, and i would be better served taking this reawakened interest in darkthrone and apply it to “mid era” albums: total death thru sardonic wrath. particularly, ravishing grimness thru hate them. 1999 to 2003, hahahaha. back when culto still tried to sound like a black metal singer and they still wanted to sound like a black metal band rather than a Heavy Metal band.

AND ITS NOT LIKE THEY DIDNT USE FOOKLOADS OF CELTIC FROST STYLE RIFFS THIS WHOLE TIME ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they never ever really got away from that except on fookin “transilvanian hunger!”

so just have those celtic frost riffs with sick black metal vocals, and the occasional “second wave black metal” (ie transilvanian hunger) riff!!!! and that pretty much sums up the albums of this 99 – 03 period!!!! or even on panzerfaust, the two styles are separated out into separate songs. not sure they have to be THAT autistic, but im also not complaining about one of muh all time favorite albums!

and yeah it is disappointing when one of your all time fav bands stops being so damn good!

REALLY transilvanian hunger is NOT a good representation of darkthrones style. overall. and i wish it were!

also, why couldnt ALL the songs on their new album be as good as that first one?

and why couldnt culto occasionally do an old style vocal once in a while? not that what he does on the album is BAD…..but his older style was BETTER.

i dunno. i just dunno. i am waiting to read more reviews of this new album, but i think people are holding back until the official release date.

listening to other sorta recent albums culto has done with sarke and “gift of gods” and again he is doing this kind of groaning vocal and not his vicious Black Metal vocal. unfortunate!. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

 

I DONT WANT A PRESIDENT WHO DOESNT USE VULGAR LANGUAGE TO TALK ABOUT WOMEN

oct 5 2016

sheeeeeeit.

ok. got up and prepared for day like responsible man: shower, shave, breakfast, brush and floss, tied tie, now i am just waiting until i leave in 53 minutes to drive to interview starting at 2pm.

tell them at interview today that if it get the job at the “bank” uhhhh i have to take it. that is the one with int on upcoming tues that i am all excited about hehe. i mean it is a patently better job, better pay, prob better benefits, closer, i’d be an idiot not to. any non-failing business would agree with me hehehe.

leave for interview in 13 minutes. all dressed up atm. ready to go. try not to diaerrhoea.

shirt is def too big. pants are….not too small but they are “slim fit” unfort, so they will ALWAYS feel a little weird. i honestly could not find an ok looking blue suit that was not slim fit. it was the price i had to pay.

yeah just the idea that you need 100% accuracy and no errors, the job is, this NEEDS to be PERFECT, not 99.9%, but 100%, every time, your job is to make sure its PERFECT. ok i get that. but what i dont get is that asking a more experienced person to SIGN OFF on this is considered time wasting and hand holding and youre fired. NO. it should be Best Practices and Standard Operating Procedure to have a “Team Lead” Sign Off on your work.

oh golly gee i dont know what im doing but i hope its right because our paying client needs this airplane door to be 100% or else it will fly off at 140000 feet and 500 passengers will get sucked out the door to their deaths hahahaha.

or this bridge will fall apart and 1000 people will die and its on YOUR hands, lowly level 1 guy, not the Master Engineer who YOU thought “should” “sign off” on such an important project. no hes got better things to do like get drunk at lunch and look at Prep The Bull and Trap Porn on his work computer and make 4 times as much as you.

later

welp did my interview. it was kinda ridiculous but not in a horrible way. mainly the guy double booked his interviews for 2 people at the same time, there was a white man also dressed in a nice suit, but he seemed about 5 years older than me.  but healthy and regenerate looking hahaha. very healthy weight. anyway this other manager decided he would essentially do the interview with me, so i started talking to him, he was an all right guy, but then it was like ok lets see if the original manager is ready to talk to you now. so i ultimately talked to TWO managers one after the other and the whole thing took like 1 hour 40 minutes. thankfully both guys were nice and the company and job actually seemed all right EXCEPT there is a kind of sales/incentive pay structure, but there is a damn 13 week training program and starting at 17 dollars an hour at that time, so…..thats pretty good. the guy said the guys here were very “BLUE COLLAR” and i said thats great, I come from a blue collar family and have a Thick Skin to handle Bantz and F-Bombs hahahahaha.

i said all the right marketing bullshit about the companys culture and values and bla bla bla.

there were some times when i stumbled and sounded like an autist, similarly to how i did yesterday, but just like the person yesterday, they didnt jump on me for it or even seem to care. so i spilled the spaghetti a couple times, NO BIG DEAL. and that is ultimately pretty encouraging.

there was a sales office right there and they are hiring sales people too. i said my background was more geared towards Service Technician than Sales per se, although I DO have very good Communication and People skills and like to Educate people hahhahahahahaha.

but they also emphasized they are an Ethical company and do not try to sell people things they dont need. Which could be BS, but I said, Good, because I’m a very ethical guy and I wouldn’t want to sell people things they really don’t need. which is NOT BS!!!!!!!

well i have been so busy interviewing i missed the deadline for a few jobs to apply hehe. have to keep a PIPELINE going hahahahahahaha.

one thing i did like about the job today was that they had a lot of training. a LOT of training. 13 weeks. they said a lot of guys were confident at 8 weeks and said let me get out there, the the company wanted to err on the side of caution. and make sure people passed tests and got certified for jobs where certification was not Legally Mandatory.

now they could just be bullshitting to sell the job to me…..but its pretty good bullshit! shit yeah tell me more about how you make sure your people are fully trained.

since it does get into incentive based shit after training, i asked if any of the people really struggled with that. the manager said everyone is doing well and reaching goals. and these are salty technicians and not born smooth talking salesmen.

anyway i hate the idea that a woman will dump you as soon as you stop showing strength. that she can need you but GOD FORBID you ever need HER. is this really the way women are and i just have to accept it? I accept that men are stronger emotionally and physically and mentally than women and that men have to do MOST of the work……but I don’t think women cant be capable of doing any work at all. so you have to support her always, and she supports you NEVER? thats fookin gay.

yeah well she never gave up and walked out when her longterm boifran was freezing HER out. but im not sure he was being “WEAK” though. he was being strong but silent hahahaha. well, he might not have been being “STRONG” but he wasnt being WEAK either. he was jsut distant and cold and stubborn. but she made a real effort with him at least.

so yeah she was capable. jsut not with me. because i was weak hahahaha.

i just HATE the idea that you have to be PERFECT or else they LEAVE.

but thats clearly not true! her BF wasnt perfect and she gave him MORE than a fair chance! many women stay with men who are VERY not perfect!

yeah but these men present as strong, and not at all as weak. they dont get nervous or anxious. they might get ANGRY at the women always wanting to TALK and DO STUFF and FIX stuff. but the men are not freaking out like a hysterical WOMAN.

oct 6

 

classic album here, if you dont like this album, gtfo. train your 3dpd fat slob to like this album as you bang her hahahahaha.

as a lifelong fan of srs metal, i have learned the important and mature lesson than women who like metal = crazy = bad (im talking about like serious fans of black or death metal, not they like a few random hit metal songs by metallica or pantera or slayer or motorhead or iron maiden or something, that should be fine).

but yeah a woman that likes the CURE, i would still be pretty impressed by that. even though im old enough to KNOW BETTER about being IMPRESSED by a womans MUSICAL TASTE. its a traaaappp.

i dont even think robert smith is as big a degenerate as most musicians, well, assuming from the fact that he’s been married to the same woman for like 40 years.

never saw the cure live and they are one of the few on muh live concert bucket list. note to self, if i have feelings for a woman, do NOT take that woman to the cure concert, because i wont be able to remember that as a good memory when she dumps me and breaks my heart hahaha. go with a male friend or alone.

yeah hard to go wrong with the cure. it is smooth and chill, and beautiful, and melodic, romantic, catchy, and also sad and emo, and spine chilling, and this album is probably their best moment. the Lush Beauty of “pictures of you” to the super catchy hard rocking of “fascination street” and of course their biggest hit “lovesong” which is a great song. i mean its impossible not to like and RESPECT this album. for any fan of music. if you dislike this album YOUR JUST STUPID.

yeah i guess if youre a total hipster you could say its too mainstream and overplayed. its def mainstream but is it REALLY overplayed? are these REALLY boring songs? these are timeless, classic songs that are played a lot for a REASON.

it IS a little LONG though at 63 minutes, where 40 minutes is the ideal album length.

working class men on Worksites listen to MUSIC all day as they do their hard work. i think this is very significant and worth some thought. if you are listening to music, it is harder to PANIC and be ANXIOUS and NERVOUS, and ALSO it means you are CONSTANTLY TALKING and thinking on your feet to come up with Bullshit Explanations for both your supervisors and your customers. that is EXHAUSTING. its like CAMPAIGNING for president and you have to talk and bullshit all day. i could NEVER do that, i dont know where trump gets his ENERGY, but its safe to say he’s always been that way, and some people just ARE.

heheh i forgot about the 311 cover of lovesong. that is tbh pretty darn good fam hahahaha. pretty secsy for blowing out your bitches asshole hahahahaha. because they LIKE being treated like Jooish Pornographic Filth. Absolutely Disgusting. BELIEVE ME, I would rather treat them as Fragile Flowers, because I HATE Jooish Pornographic Filth. Hate that Disgusting SHit that has RUINED Women And Men. words cannot describe the HATE. i dont hate nonwhites, i might not even hate joos, but by god i HATE the disgusting filth that joos have created! I hate the evil they have done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

funny that the cure has an album called “pornography.” as an old man, this to me is AWESOME because that is an INCREDIBLY dark, despairing, nihilistic album, and I think this terrible feel perfectly captures the actual real essence of pornography. it is not secsy or hot and all. it is empty and despairing and nihilistic and soulless and horrible. i’m not sure if thats what robert (first name basis hahahaha) was getting at, but i like to think he was hahahahaha.

and yeah “pictures of you” is a CLASSIC FOR A REASON!!!!! and perfectly captures Lost Love and Heartbreak and Regret and embodies what i have felt for the past 14 months hahahahahahaha. thankfully i can enjoy the song on its own merits as a way to express a personal emotion that was unshared with her, hahahaha. meaning, im glad i never cuddled or buttfooked her while listening to THE CURE or this album, because then it would actually REMIND me of her, rather than help me Get Over Muh Emotions ABOUT her. in other words, the cure is MY thing and not HER thing, definitely not OUR thing. well she probably likes a few cure songs but we never shared any cure moments, thank god.

NEVER share things with women hahahahaha cuz then you cant enjoy your favorite music and movies when they break your heart and leave you. THEY WILL RUIN YOUR FAVORITE THINGS FOR YOU. i mean thank god i can still listen to neil young, but it took a while! TOO LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah i mean you get over it, but it sucked that i couldnt even listen to one of muh favorite music guys for months!!!!!!!!!!!!

want to get out of house before noon today (oh god that sounds so lazy and negrish!!!!!!) and do some errands

also prep for autist aba job interview tommorow

AND apply for 3 jobs because i think about 3 decent jobs are gonna “expire” by tommorow

AND get good powerwalk

AND get 14 pushups

AND eat less than 1200 calories because i went like EIGHT HUNDRED OVER yesterday, oy vey.

uhhhh 14 pushups is a good baby step, but all together that is a lot of baby steps hahahaha.

ok went to store

ok called the interview place and stalked the woman who will be interviewing me, she was supposed to email me 2 days ago but it never went thru because she typed my hard to spell email wrong.

i called her and aksed for her hard to spell email and successfully sent a message to her hahahaha. thankfully she does not have a masters degree and seems like a nice person from the stalking i did.

ok got the shit printed out, hehhehe if you have to print out 10 pages of shit for every interview, thats 250 pages hahahaha. i have already bought 2 black ink cartridges and am burning thru the 3rd one pretty quickly. so stupid.

not going to get a ton of sleep tonight, might blank out and do a gary johnson aleppo moment tomorrow. that really looks bad. well if he can get to be governor, i can get a 12 dollar an hour autism technician job.

uhhhh applied to 2 jobs today but not 3. prepared my info sheet for tomorrow.

this org clearly has a problem with people not sticking around. prob because they quickly find better paying jobs. and they cant afford to pay them more because they are a nonprofit org. so they are angry about people getting valuable autism training and then leaving before 10 months. but i……

i dunno i just hate being in a job and saying OH GOD HOW AM I GONNA DO THIS I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING I CANT HANDLE THIS JOB OH GOD WHAT DO I DO OH GOD THIS IS RIDICULOUS WHY DID THEY GIVE ME THIS JOB OH YEAH BECAUSE THEY CANT FIND PEOPLE WHO WILL PUT UP WITH THIS SHIT FOR MORE THAN A FEW DAYS WITHOUT QUITTING!!!! WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO HERE WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO THESE PEOPLE TELL ME WHAT TO DO PLEEEEASE TELL ME WHAT TO SAY TO THEM I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOOOOOOOOOOOING HOW CAN YOU PUT ME OUT HERE IN FRONT OF THESE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i also worry that the “workplace safety” job will do regular drug tests because you drive a company van. oh god i cant drive a large van!!!!!!! what if the van breaks down!!!!!!

i think this autism job would be more fun and i would enjoy it more and also be able to SURVIVE and WITHSTAND it better, because it is part time and because it is sort of in muh wheelhouse. well i am more conflicting about wanting the autism job vs the safety job, however in the autism vs the bank job, i def want the bank job!!!!!

hehehehe this is assuming i get offers from both jobs in these situations. VERY big assumptions!!!!!

does that mean i had a good feeling abotu the saftey job? kind of!

and i have kinda a good feeling about getting the autism job.

REALLY? I have been REJECTED for ELEVEN dollar an hour part time jobs recently, what reason do i have to be optimistic about a TWELVE DAH PT job? hahahahaha. well because my degree actually relates to this job, sort of, where it doesnt relate to “office administrative assistant” job. which is stupid. i mean the better degree for that would be business. even if i have 30 credits of business classes. doesnt matter i guess hahaha.

shit they might reject me because ive never worked with CHILDREN before. let alone autist children haha.

i wish you could negotiate training wages. meaning i would gladly accept minimum wage for the first month or however long it took for me to be rejected from the other 2 jobs i am in contention for. so if i got one of those jobs, the autism place wouldnt lose too much money training me. cuz its a decent org and i might want to reapply with them in a few years. for one of their FT jobs that dont exist, yeah sure hahahaha.

oct 7 firday

752 AM

up real early today, like a real working man, currently dressed up and ready to go to interview, did not prep so well. as predicted, did not sleep well. well i was up thinking until like 130 am. thankfully i did fall asleep and I was in the middle of an interesting dream that i was scheduled to be part of the death panel on the next daily shoah with k1ke enoch and “sven” and i was like iii dunno guys, what the hell am I gonna be able to add to this, im gonna sound like an idiot, but im honored you asked me, i really like TRS hahahahaha. this is probably muh first TRS related DREAM hahahahaha. much better than having dreams about you know WHO hahaha.

ok. like i say, its a tough call between autism job vs safety job. for a normie, no its not, the safety job BTFOs the autism because it pays more, more hours, FT, established company, health care, bennies etc.

12 pm

welp did the interview, sent thank you note, recorded it as 95 minutes. spent an hour in there, but onyl about 30 minutes talking to them, and like 20 minutes filling out a damn application by hand which was basically a copy of all the shit i already gave them. i will never understand these stupid hiring policies. filling out shit by hand. unbelievable. told them about muh desire for FT. they were very understanding. talked to a Masters Level Psychologist who is about 7 years younger than me, oy vey hahahahaha.

there might be young 3 year old children biting and smacking and pooping their pants and i have to put diapers on them. i think i would rather do this than answer phone calls hahahahaha.

i dont fookin know man i just want a job where i can get help if i need it and i am not constantly needing it and not constantly fighting and struggling to survive every day. good god. the type of exhausting, nervous struggle where you feel like you need to chug Whiskey straight from the bottle at the end of every day.

hehehe normal life is at least 2 to 3 times HARDER for me than for normies. not that normies have it easy! but the basics of Holding Down a Job and Banging A Bitch, those are at LEAST 3 times harder for me. lots of fear and failure hehehehe. lots of time wasted. lots of not getting anywhere.

on the degen show “better things” which im not sure why i am watching, well because i want to see a degen single mother raising degen girls, its really all about degen women, and is kinda like “GIRLS” in that regard. no husbands or fathers, mothers a whore, her oldest daughter is 16 and beautiful and is becoming a whore, the middle daughter is an autistic ocd 13 year old lesbian, so i guess all that is enough to sell me.

recent episode focused on the 16 year old daughter worried about her future, going to college and all that, what am i gonna do with my life, her high school guidance counselor says no ivy league for you, you shoulda started prepping for that a few years ago, might not have the grades for a good state shool, have you thought about community college?

now the red pill is that community college is awesome but it DOES have a reputation as for underachieving losers, so when you’re in high school, you shudder at the thought. then when 10 years later youre still a huge loser, you think, welp, i have been humbled, time to go to CC now that real University did not work out.

anyway the girl is very anxious and despairing and I totally related and found this storyline very compelling. i guess she smokes MJ and does not get 4.0 grades. dont know if she is a huge horrible slut. PROBABLY, knowing this degen show.

because they show the girl sitting with her degen mom and the degen moms friends all sitting around drinking and talking about ABORTIONS, like how many abotions you got, tell the story of that abortion, and i was like, they are trying WAY too hard to make this show edgy, and what EXACTLY are they trying to say? they were clearly trying to be provocative by having such a “FRANK” discussion of abortions while CHILDREN were amongst them, as if to say, this is NORMAL, this is not a big deal, we all have abortions, and you’ll get abortions too, its just a fact of life, rite of passage for a woman, dont be ashamed of this, its good to be pro choice, and if you get knocked up when you are having fun with Secsy Boys, you can and should totes get an abortion too.

so i felt sympathy for this poor girl just about to become a Woman, and that she was so FOOKED because her mother is such a damn baby murdering degenerate. so the beautiful 16 year old gurl is gonna become a slut REAL soon if she isnt already, prob lose V to badboi, then quickly start riding C carousel, throwing a bunch of betabois away, probably start cheating, not take secs seriously, not take human life seriously, the way she THROWS LIVES AWAY, develop 10000 C stare, never be able to have a serious rel with a man, just like her crazy whore mother who cant love a man either.  but is this “beautifully flawed” woman trying to raise 3 young daughters as a Single Working Mom who is very open about Secs and Abortions and Being Tuff and You Do You Grrrrrl.

and its NORMAL to be a slut and cheat and break hearts and throw people away and get abortions, sex is FUN FIRST and if you get preggers, no big deal, get an abortion, WEVE ALL DONE IT. and sometimes you just wanna get fooked, and if the guy is a sensitive virgin type an gets feelings, AW, TOO BAD SO SAD, its ok to Dump and Ghost him because you just wanted to Get Off.

and we are beautiful in our flaws and we are gonna be as flawed as possible.

and i like the show for confronting Real Shit, but i hate it for taking the wrong opinion on this shit. while at the same time having some good and sympathetic characters. i mean i dont even really hate the mom. but i should.

to make her daughter feel better, the mother took her to the store and made her dress in a Ladies Business Suit, and said there you are, you look just like those successful peopel who have their shit together, youre no different than them. it was actually sort of touching even though she should not be so worried about career and shit. she should have a good father who helps her find a good husband.

i mean the show could have pushed more Red Pills about You Dont Have To Go To College. Go To Trade School or Community College or Military.

so they talk to a bank teller and mom says do you have any college, teller says no just a GED and i started this job at age 22 and im 25 now.

this could have opened a real good conversation but they just left it there.

so do you portray the bank teller as a failure because they didnt go to college? no not at all, which i liked.

i would have liked more if they had a 30 year old with a masters degree living with his family because he is still trying to pay back 200k in student loans hahahaha and he’s done, he’s finished, given up on life, i’ll never get anyway, i wish i could have a family but i’ll never afford it, and i havent dated a woman in over 5 years hahahahaha. that would have been some great black pill shit.

basically, college educated 30 year olds who cant afford to move out hahahaha because they are only making 12 dollars an hour and are 80k in debt for useless college hahahaha.

tfw when you see a picture of FENRIZ when he was very young, like 20 or 21 or so, and realize he sort of reminds you of THAT WOMAN.

I was completely in luv and wanted to marry and have babies and spend muh life with and was devastated heartbroken for 15 months over a woman who looks like FENRIZ.

fenriz is currently 44 years old as is nocturno culto. culto has 2 children a son and a daughter. i do not think fenriz has any children. not sure how old cultos children are. i hope he is a good father to them.

but yeah there are like 2 pictures of 20 year old fenriz where he kinda looks like That Woman. so weird. i told you she was kidna weird looking hahahahaha. but like fenriz, she had nice long dark hair.

so darkthrone was offered 200k USD to play a festival for one show and they REFUSED. hell yes that shows some serious “INTEGRITY” but at the same time i have to think, you’d have to be stupid to turn that down!

Should a man with CHILDREN turn down 200k for 1 day of work just because of his artistic integrity?

basically I give them a PASS, and I think its kinda STUPID for a man with a FAMILY to turn that money down. even if you dont have a family, you still need money. maybe fenriz has bastard children he needs to pay child support. (speculation). maybe fenriz wants to take care of his aging parents. TAKE THE FOOKIN MONEY GUIZE.

heh. most people just like the music and dont really care about the people behind it.

I dont really care for the music and i am MORE interested in the PEOPLE behind it hahahaha.

i mean the story of these guys lives is WAY more interesting than listening to “plaguewielder” or “the cult is alive” hehehehehehehehe.

i say this because i am sort of excited about darkthrone again due to their brand new album which I am going to listen to today on powerwalk hehehe.

did 3.2 mile, 1 hour powerwalk, my normal walking pace is 3.2 mph and i am happy with that.

listened to new darkthrone album. it has great sound/production and is perfect length and it is not all ridiculous, but uhhh i was hoping it would be a little…..better hehehehe. i mean its no panzerfaust. i mean you can tell they are both enjoying themselves, theyre not just going through the motions, so i think a large part of the prob is me simply not being able to appreciate “new” music.

its hard to get the interest of women when you MAKE LESS THAN THEM. of course im talking about money. basically the only people that I make MORE than are total white trash and negroes hahahahaha. at least when i was making 30k, i was then good enough to pull white trash waitresses and such hahahahaha. and that was the best money i ever made in my life! when i was making like 12k a year, i was staying sane but what the HELL can you do on 12k a year? cant live, cant have a family, cant do anything. cant have a serious rel with a woman. i guess you could bang sluts because you sure arent gonna KEEP any women making only 12k!

wow she dumped him SUPER BAD, super insult to injury there. why do people do this? why do you HAVE to add insult to injury? i mean if i were this guy i would be devastated, my confidence would be CRUSHED for at least 15 months hahahahaha. this type of thing will DESTROY a guys confidence for a LONG time.

also when someone throws you away, people advise you, they dont know what they had, in 2 months they will miss you and be begging for you back. dont take them back. be better than that. they took you for granted the first time. dont give them that second chance.

and that def never happened here. she left me and NEVER looked back. feels bad man! that might even be worse. i wuld def forgive and take her back once. and if she pulled the same shit twice (like they often do) then i would kick her ass out (probably not hahahahaha). but she didnt even come back.

but i am doing my interviews so thats as good as i can ask. i have done about 36 hours of interviews roughly. i guess it would make sense to do 40 hours of interviews. maybe what the lord is teaching me is how to get good at interviews. thats the lesson for this 15 months of pain. how to do interviews. sheeeeeeeeeeeeit.

but if i dont have an interview for a week, then i feel like i lose all those gains. and i need to have at least 2 or 3 interviews a week to get better. kinda like lifting hehehehe.

heh 330 pm and could totes take a nap. cuz i got up at 615am and did not fall asleep till 1 am.

 

super lengthy autistic post but an in depth picture of someone who actually DOES go to a shrink, and both people are willing to go to shrink, and it doesnt really improve things hehehehe. she still blames him.

but yeah he does seem too damn autistic and that is probably a problem.

also yeah she probably IS “depressed” but she should get that diagnosed well before 28. I sure did! because i was trying to improve myself so i could live a normal life with a job and a GF one day.

and good on this guy for improving himself from a fat virgin to an in shape, masters degree, successful, hardworking, guy with a GF. but he is still anal and autistic in a way that will hurt the rel, just as she hurts the rel with her “depression” and lack of interest and effort.

this album is regarded as DT coming back from a perhaps 3-album slump from 1996 to 2003 hahaha. fenriz said he was very derpressed and i guess was feeling better by the time of this album. and he was thankful to culto for essentially keeping the band alive during that time.

anyway i remember i actually bought the “plaguewielder” cd (used) back when cds were still a thing. i was like uhhhh this is not the greatest. and that was pretty much the end of darkthrone for me hahahaha and i never gave “hate them” a chance. i did give “sardonic wrath” a try and actually kinda liked that one. that came out following hate them.

anyway just trying to say i prefer this kind of vocal from culto. the hateful trve black metal vocal rather than the more i guess celtic frost vocal he’s doing now. which is not bad mind you, but the older vocal is better.

i mean there is no competition hehehe. however “boring” darkthrone may be, culto gives a Master Class in how to do good vocals.

62.9% labor force participation rate? that cant be good, unless labor force counts super old and super young people….which it probably shouldnt! and honestly i dont think it does. labor force is work age people. like 18 to 65 or whatever.

oh you know what i am not even gonna shit on plaguewielder anymore. it has shitty artwork but it sounds pretty similar to hate them with the riffage and sick vocals. also culto thanks tom waits on his short list of inspirations and shoutouts. in 2001 before i even knew who tom waits was unfortuantely. did not discover waits until 2003 or 4 at the latest.

also there are “blast beats” on these albums where i haven’t heard them on the newer albums. come on. you gotta have that.

trump scandal of him using “vulgar language about women.”

I DONT WANT A PRESIDENT WHO DOESNT USE VULGAR LANGUAGE TO TALK ABOUT WOMEN!!!!

crude comments in 2005 interview about tits and pussy and whatever. who cares.

well, i kinda care if he is cheating on his wife, but not sure if he was married to her by then.

cuz its not cool to cheat on your wife but he has dealt with his fair share of gold diggers so.

i mean this is fooking stupid and i hope it doesnt COST HIM the election just because WOMEN will be so butthurt. and women shouldnt even be able to vote hehehehehe. but people have short memories too.

even the circle wagons album does not sound BAD. it is quite rocking as a matter of fact.

lesson: even the “worst” darkthrone albums are pretty good.

i would have preffered that he make super racist comments about mudslims or blacks or especially joos. that would be SWEET. BUT, that definitely would have killed his chances 100%, and that would NOT be good.

i like that he didnt apologize THAT much. hes not begging for forgiveness, and kinda saying this is not a big deal. cuz its really not. but i really dont know how real women will take it. i know that msnbc is up in arms hahahaha.

why not criticize the hollywood host billy bush for being an enthusiastic participant in the conversation.

QUOTE

It’s foolish to take the Blackpill with regards to women. It makes you settle for low quality sluts and degenerates. Do you want them to be the mother of your children?

I was in a bad place in 2011. I was dating a used-up slut whom I had nothing in common with. I was struggling to finish school and leave the comfy world of NEETdom. I had gotten into reading ‘The Red Pill’ and that middle eastern rapist Roosh, and my opinion of women was extremely low. Thus, my expectations from women were low.

This girl was a degenerate waste. She was pretty enough, but was a complete slob, and nearing the end of her 20s. I knew she had dated around, but the extent of the rot was what really got to me. The day I left her was when I attended a ‘party’ with some of her friends, only to discover she had f00cked literally 8 of the men at the party. Her total number was somewhere around 35ish men. One of which included a ni99er. Disgusting. I drove off, deleted her from Facebook and Skype, and washed my hands of her.

I was lucky to get out of that mess with no STIs. I pulled myself out of this depression and blackpill by lifting and travelling, and completely tossed out the ReturnOfKangz/rOOSH shit. Some of the techniques are useful, and yes, 90% of women are somewhere on the whore spectrum, but 10% of girls is still a HUGE amount of people.

On one of my trips, after a year of lifting and healthy eating, I met a complete QT3.14, 10/10. She was introverted, shy, but extremely moral. She was 6 years younger than me, intelligent, had a similar genetic background, and was a fucking virgin.

Married her 2 years into the relationship and it has only gotten better.

Lift, have confidence in your self, resist the blackpill, and you will find extremely high quality women waiting for you to wife them. Let the f4ggot numales clean up the algae of used up whores. WILL TO POWER BRAH

END

i am risking getting banned for posting private forum material here, but uhhhh i wont say what forum i got it from, nor who said it, but i am trying to share an awesome WHITE PILL here: a neetish man was dating a dirty slut, then he turned his life around and married a nice virgin waifu. GOOD FOR HIM. this is EXACTLY the stuff I need to read a LOT more of…..but i’m not finding a lot of it. not enough.

nyquil and coffee combination hehehe. again went way over calorie limit. soooooo easy to eat over 1200 cals.

yeah why shouldnt i link this already.

this and TH are muh fav DT albums. and this one is more “fun.” not sure why the vocals are considered controversial. i think they are great although perhaps mixed a little loudly. the riffs, songwriting, and production are all top of the line, and there is a ton of nostalgia with this album, as it was a big part of muh adolescence at age 18 or so. this is a pretty kewl album to have as your theme music at age 18 hahahahahahahaha.

“quintessence”, come on. probably the darkthrone stairway to heaven right there.

but yeah. a lot of people are interested in things they dont really participate in. politics, professional sports, tv shows, religion. but no one is interested in “relationships” as like a main interest they way I am, apart from WOMEN who are always GOSSIPING. I truly do like to gossip, but I like even more to study and understand the relationships.

its like watching from the sidelines and commenting but never participating. but thats the thing: is that normies DO participate, quite regularly, and dont really comment on it at the same level as I do, just gossip, say whos fooking who, whos dumping who.

and even people who are obsessed with sportsball and watch pro sportsball but are too fat and soft to actually play pro sportsball still often play amateur sportsball or fantasy sportsball.

i dont play Fantasy Relships, although maybe in a way I do: by having these one sided things where I have the relship all in my mind and it does not reflect reality at all.

nyquil makes me unable to think clearly and articulate and be persuasive. still i wish i just had some MJ, i would LUV to smoke a bunch of MJ on a friday night like this and listen to DARKTHRONE.

“the hordes of nebulah”. i used to think this song wasnt as good as the 2 before it, now i see i was wrong hahahahaha. truly a MAGIC album and i wouldnt EXPECT darkthrone to ever capture this kind of lightning in a bottle quite the same way ever again. you cant. again a large part of this was my own age at the time. but this is gonna be one of those albums that i enjoy thru my entire life hahaha. share with muh waifu and children and they will say damn what a badass!

anyway it is just “funny” and mostly sad that i spend all this time and energy and interest thinking about and analyzing Relationships, general and particular, myself and my fantasy rels, others and my perceptions of their real rels, and i think i have the tools and skills and knowledge to be real mature and good in a rel…..but my weakness is the BEGINNING. I cant get it STARTED for various reasons. cant spark the kindling and get the fire going ever.

large part of that is because i am scared to “apply”. at least with jobs i am putting out 450 applications, doing 23 interviews. if i were doing that with WOMEN, i WOULD have been in a real rel by now, or at least had a near normie level of secsual satisfaction. or, hopefully, i would say THIS IS DEGENERATE, I’m not gonna do this unless its in a real rel with a decent woman, fook this banging sluts shit, leave it to the degenerate hedonist nihilist abortionists.

fenriz did recycle the classic “quintessence” riff on his storm “nordavind” album which was recorded in late 1994 while panzerfaust was recorded in early 1994 hehehe.

they got the qt gurl kari rueslatten to sing on the album (from 3rd and the mortal, really need to dig into them more) and supposedly she was very upset and felt betrayed by fenriz because he changed a lyric at the last minute to say something like “death to every man who does not hail the fatherland!” which she felt was ebil racist. and i bet fenriz is not a racist. shit i wish he WAS. he SHOULD be. and poor kari felt horrible guilt after that and betrayed by ebil fenriz. hahahahaha i wonder if he fooked her. the dirty slut hahaha. see this ALL comes from the root cause of my degen pornographic view of women as sluts to be fooked. this is from watching way too much pron, so shame on me. but also shame on women for willingly BEING like that. they dont have to BE sluts, even if the girls in porno are.

and because kari was a beautiful young norwegian gurl with beautiful long hair, i dont WANT her to be a slut.

i want to read more stories of women who are DIVORCING or DUMPING their men because oh god hes a TRUMP SUPPORTER. but r/relships does not allow overtly political topics.

i would think being married and especially with children makes women less leftist catladylike. so they will say oh yeah trump is crude but oh well hes still better than hillary so im still voting for him.

whereas its the C carousel sluts and catladies who will be most offended, and they werent voting for trump ANYWAY.

in other words, its not gonna lose him any votes. its not gonna make anyone who has already chosen trump, say, oh NOW he’s gone too far, and i am changing my vote to HILLARY? i cant imagine him honestly doing any of that. even if he said GTKRWN 1488, which i would luv, people would still say, yeah im still not voting for hillary.

however it will make the hillary people all the more SHRILL and ANNOYING and that might push undecideds towards trump.

undecideds tho? and couldnt this push undecideds to hillary? sure.

BUT HOW MANY UNDECIDEDS ARE THERE REALLY?????

not very many imho. i play it down because i hang out with people who would be MORTIFIED that they have even ONE trump supporter in their friend circle. so i say stuff, ah well, its a classic lesser of two evils thing, i dont really like either of them, but im really dont like hillary, yes i agree with you trump is not super presidential but im a moderate centrist and hillary is just too left for me, so, i have to vote for trump. that kind of waffling shit. actually i wouldnt even confirm i was voting for trump unless i was with some trump voters. thankfully i know a few.

7000 words? damn.

but yeah its funny. i analyze and think about rels like An Interest Or Hobby but never actually participate, when most NORMIES DO participate and dont analyze them to the same level, its just a normal part of normal life, dont overthink it, its not something interesting like football or tv hahahaha.

well to me it is!!!!!!!!

and women arent much better than men. they gossip a lot more about rels but are even WORSE at analysing, understanding, and workign with them. men could at least have a good chance at reasoning their way through them if they tried.

but you cant REASON with women. its like REASONING with a drunk 50 foot baby with a flamethrower. REASONING with a damn tasmanian devil. you cant reason somebody out of something that they didnt reason themselves into, hahahahaha.

OK SILLY EVIL WH1TES, TIME TO GO NOW, YOUVE DONE ENOUGH DAMAGE

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit

sept 22

yeah there is def a mental emotional change when you have been a jobless neet for over a YEAR. you see a nice 12 dollar job and think wow maybe i could do this, and then you automatically get discouraged, like they will see this neetgap and say into the trash this neet goes.

so i am increasingly thinking a part time thing will be MANDATORY for me to regain my “training wheels” and gradually shed muh neetism. and then i have a MUCH better chance at getting those sweet bigboy 12 dollar jobs. and finding a nice fat white trash mudshark waifue hahahahaha. bbbbbb SHE makes 15 an hour! she is 3 full levels above me!

oh well i am done with her and i will be alone the rest of muh life, never find as good of a woman, big deal, who cares, i can get a 11 dollar part time job, be a part time bum and dnate money to 1488 orgs who support white children and white families that i will never have hahahahaha.

fook it who cares. smoke MJ erryday and dnate 20 bucks a year to white orgs hahaha really making a difference.

yeah well at least im not FAT!!!!!!!!!

should prob start LIFTING hahahaha.

11 Unusual Ways to Stand Out in a Job Interview

http://bit.ly/2cm4pHJ

#interview #interviewadvice #interviewattire #interviewetiquette #officebehavior via @Glassdoor

send a handwritten thank you note on fancy card stock? jeebus. fook this bitch. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. maybe thats why ive been rejected at 18 interviews. cuz all their other people sent handwritten thank yous on card stock. no ya dumb broad its because i have a 14 month gap. a 14.88 month gap hahahahahahahahaha hail victory, hail the fuhreri, gtkrwn

https://upfrommorallylazyloserness.wordpress.com/2016/09/21/6518/

top 20% post here tbh fam, hall of fame. rising above the rising tide of mediocrity hahaha. up from neetness’s best. go back and reread this on fo sho hehehehe.

repost this one. hehehe. top 10% even. LOL

yeah i bought that millennial woes t shirt hahahaha. no more t shirts for a while hahahaha.

i liked that that woman was more used to REJECTION than normie women. rejected by her longterm bf, rejected by her short term bf, rejected for jobs that other people got. she would not get hired just for being a pretty young gurl, prob because she came across as dumb and dull, but i didnt think that outweighed being a pretty young gurl! but for her it did. so she would have to go to 2 or 3 interviews at diff places before one said yes. rather than getting an offer for her very first place. but she would still find something relatively soon. didnt have to send out 550 applications and do 19 interviews. and i am much sharper and present much better than her! well, except that i get nervous and spergy. and i have a huge gap. which outweighs me being a fairly decent interviewer, apparently.

yeah well im smarter than HER. im better than HER hahahaha. i deserve to make 15 an hour and she only deserves to make 13 an hour hahahaha. because i am WAY BETTER than her hahahaha.

no i dont really believe that, thats just my shitty defense mechanism against her making me feel so weak and worthless and inferior and thrown away hahaha.

who cares. only me, no one else. she for DAMN sure doesnt care anymore.

but yeah even me being on a 3 week stretch of No Interviews has definitely weakened muh confidence. sheeeeeeeit.

basically, if you dont do a job/work in a long time, you start to feel INCAPABLE of doing a job, that you dont have what it TAKES to do a job.

if you havent had secs in 10 years, you begin to feel you dont have WHAT IT TAKES to have secs with women. or you have permanently LOST what it takes.

i dont care too much about secs, but i DO care about Having What It Takes to Get Secs, when its Game Time and I find a mother of my children material of woman!!!!!

When you havent had a Trad Monog LTR with a woman ever, you begin to feel like you are missing What It Takes to have a Trad Monog LTR with a woman!

Feels Bad Man!

hehe he will probably get TORN APART for “wanting to make it a little painful for her” oh you evil evil evil horrible person!

actually a fairly decent good thread, would recommend

the idea that the outside world finds you worthless. the real world. The Market finds you worthless and unemployable. Women find you worthless and uncommit-to-able. this stream of negative thoughts is what causes despair and it must be stopped. and not with recreational drugs. but what about MJ? hehehehe.

sheeeeit. wife cant hide her CHEATING because the guy DIED and she was devastated by it, and this is how her hubby finds out. cheatin bitches, nothing sacred hehehe.

i bet all the people telling him not to get a paternity test are WOMEN. hahahaha. women WOULD say some bullshit like that.

i accept that you can luv kids who are not biologically yours…….but i claim that you need to know. because you deserve to know if YOUR legacy is continuing. you are entitled to WANT biological children of your own.

tried to listen to evoken “antithesis of light” and, just like the last time i tried listening to it, i was like, this is ok, its doomy and slow and dark and  i like the drums and this guy really does have good craig pillard esque lowass growling vocals which i really like (interestingly enough pillard actually joined the band for one album but he never did his classic lowass growls tho! just played bass. also i like craig pillard because he is an outspoken pro-white. or at least he used to be and i hope he still is!)

and the drums sounded good but god damn the songs did not hit me the same way as the songs on their previous albums. the riffcraft was not as compelling. a few cool riffs and a lot of that disembowelmentesque clean ethereal guitar over heavy slow riffs, i like that, but…….i dunno the songs just dont seem as good as on the albums before it, and this is the same impression i got of this album every time i tried listening to it, and then i stopped following evoken and they have 2 albums AFTER this!!!!!! but i want to give them more chances, i really do, they are good bois, they dindu nuffin.

you know that feel when somebody asks you a question or gives you a problem that is WAY ABOVE YOUR PAY GRADE? well now imagine that its STILL your job to fix the problem, and the people whos pay grade it IS, are gonna fight you and your client tooth and nail to PROVE that its really above your pay grade. just believe me when i say i can’t do this!!!!

but then again i tend to underestimate myself and think i am incapable of a LOT!

ok we need no explanation or qualification of how mgla is a great band, but KSM needs a little more luv. Also this album sounds a lot different than KSM’s “enemy of man” and is very blasting, raw, fast, savage, does not really sound like mgla at all, whereas i guess “enemy of man” sound more mglalike. plus this is just a great drummer and it is nice just to listen to him play. and to GOMAD like he does here. i am not sure its the same singer though.

heh. i was in ARBYS getting sum ROASTIES and there was the cutest 18 year old gurl in the world working there. snow white skin, super light blond hair, i mean she was super blond. and just ridiculously, insanely cute, like real aryan tradwives in wheatfields tier, i cant believe such a gurl EXISTS at the ARBYS 1 mile away from my home!

i mean she was YOUNG though, 18 at the OLDEST. I mean I had to take a step back and pick my jaw off the ground. I was BOWLED OVER. IMPRESSED. turned into total mush at this sight of this TEEN GURL. an 18 year old gurl reducing a 35 year old man to Jelly heehehehehe.

No I am not 35 but I use that as an approximation of my age, I am close enough to 35.

” I personally hold strongly that part of the goal of a marriage is to be one another’s moral partners ” says glassisnotglass on

i thought that was a very interesting thing of them to say, and I probably agree.

heh. HOW COME it takes till age 25 for women to “figure out what they want???” It doesnt take MEN till age 25. it didnt take me. this is setting the bar very low and encouraging bad behavior from women.

some stupid reddit thing about a 23 year old woman acting like a 12 year old, and tons of people are saying, well what do you expect, shes onyl 23. NO EXCUSE. YOU SHOULDNT BE THAT IMMATURE AT AGE 23. YOU SHOULD BE MARRIED WITH 2 CHILDREN AT LEAST.

signed into my old twitter for the first time in 3 years and see real life people i used to know literally saying antiwhite shit. like these crazy WHITE PEOPLE. UGH. OLD WHITE PEOPLE. Trump supporters. UGH. these WHITE people are SO UGH. YOURE WHITE YA MORON!!!!!!! these WHITE people calling other white people WHITE as a pejorative. like UGH. so DUMB and RACIST and WORKING CLASS and UNEDUCATED and AFRAID and INSECURE. WHITE PEOPLE SUCK.

these are real people. who were close friends with people i was close friends with. who get a masters degree and a decent middle class job. this is the type of shit they say to sound funny or smart.

even this other guy who trolls feminists and would be a good MGTOW candidate, white people are still UGH to him. even though he could potentially be red pilled on women.

but if youre 31 years old and not red pilled on WOMEN yet, you will never be red pilled on ANYTHING.

people really close to my age are so blue pilled and lame and antiwhite hahaha. the YOUNGER kids, there is actual potential there. people my age are the lamest, antiwhitest, SHITLIBS you could imagine.

the world is not overly white!!!!!! ever heard of africa, asia, middle east, south america? whites are already a MINORITY in the WORLD!!!!!!

or OH GOD I HAVE 1 out of 1000 FB friends is a TRUMP SUPPORTER!!!!!!! it prob wasnt a very close friend either. these people are less tolerant than ME, the 1488 GTKRWN White Supremacist!!!!!

“joking” about being able to spot trump supporters just by looking at a room of random people. they are probably white and fat. like you hahahahahahaha. but dont make stupid antiwhite jokes on twitter.

he has a kid and luvs being a dad and is puzzled that people under 25 are so antinatalist because having a kid is really awesome! which would be awesome if……..his kid were white. yep. white guy with a mixed baby who makes antiwhite jokes all the time and its more than just jokes, he is a true believer in diversity, and that whites have done enough harm. its time to take your final lap whites and get ready to retire. we’ve have enough of whites.

this is literally how these WHITE PEOPLE think. they admit that whites are evil, whites are bad, don’t lump ME in with white people, i might be white but I admit white people have done more harm than good, and THATS WHY diversity is good, because it DECREASES THE NUMBER OF WHITE PEOPLE. WHITES ARE BAD, SO ITS GOOD TO HAVE LESS WHITES. get rid of the whites, theyve DONE ENOUGH DAMAGE. good god.

uhhh way to assume all working class shop rats in a particular large industry dislike  barry. pretty sure they would vote for barry or hillary because they are lazy union scumdogs that are 50% nonwhite. but in the white antiwhites mind, all working class people are White Trump Supporting Racists. uhhh youre forgetting about all the NONWHITE working class people ya moron.  you think theyre voting for trump?

this is honestly a nice good decent guy so I can’t Curse him too much, but my god. his ideology makes me more sick than myideology would make him sick.  and he lives muh dream of having a good job and having a wife and being a father. i dont even doubt his nonwhite wife is a good person but i still wish he married a white woman and had a white baby and wasnt so god damn disgusting antiwhite! youre WHITE! just accept it! embrace it! learn to love your whiteness!

laugh at the jimmy buffet listening white people getting cray to their white people music! YOU ARE WHITE!!!!

its like they FORGET THAT THEY ARE WHITE, talking about white people LIKE YOU ARENT WHITE.

no they dont forget it. this is just their way of signaling that they arent like this. that they arent proud of being white. whites are a JOKE.

Literally 20% of his tweets are making fun of white people or whiteness. no other racial groups. just whites. ok its probably more like 10% but its a CONSISTENT 10%. sure enough, there’s another white joke in with the random jokes about your baby or food or funny stuff at work or whatever.

well i guess its more interesting than the other poeple who tweet about SPORTSBALL hehehehe. YAWN.

none of the people on my “real life men” list could be considered even slightly right of center. or even center. ALL leftists. well to be fair its the one guy doing the tweeting. i mean there is lotta twitter attrition here.

i made a separate list for women because literally EVERYTHING they say is stupid, so i didnt want to read them any more. again they would all be leftists but thats the default state for young tweeting women.

ok done with that bullshit. it is AMAZING how different i am from these people. and i LIKE being different. i WANT to stand up for my own side. I WANT To defend whites. i am seriously PRO-white. I dont throw MY people under the bus.  i dont make fun of whites. i seriously stand for and with Working Class Whites.

i dont blindly suck trumps dick but i HAVE to vote for him because he says ANYTHING supportive of working class whites!

these other whites have nothing but CONTEMPT for working class whites!!!!!

so dissapointing and sad. i mean this guy is smart, he’s actually funny, he’s a nice guy. he didnt HAVE to turn out like this. i mean i dont HATE him. I dont HATE his nonwhite wife and kid. i just have to shake my head. SMH.

yet more evidence that I REALLY need to go to pro white meetups and meet other pro white real life people. i HAVE to.

or at least find people i already know who already have pro-white inklings.

and its disappointing when the white poeple you know DONT have these inklings, in fact they make anti white jokes, and truly believe that Whites Have Done Enough Harm, Its Time To Go Now, Buh Bye Whites.

this is THE underlying belief, which makes debating nonwhites pointless.

basically: whites have power, nonwhites dont, whites have used their power to oppress nonwhites, and this reign of terror is starting to crumble and come to and end, and that’s a good thing! it’s GOOD when white population declines! Good! whites are a net negative, a cancer of humanity, whites have done more harm than good, ITS TIME FOR THEM TO GO. and WHTE PEOPLE BELIEVE THIS FULLY.

no its not fair for whites to protect themselves, because whites are OBJECTIVELY EVIL! whites are the most harmful race! its ONLY FAIR that whites pay the karmic price by dying off! Good!

this is LITERALLY how these people think! and it makes me sick!

well at least i got 5 applications done today, havent gotten 5 in at LEAST a week. spread them out all throughout the day. took the edge off by playing cards WHILE doing the application. or, intentionally doing the app slowly and not quickly, even if it would skew my numbers. so then i took the slow time and just took 10%-15% off of it. i guess i could also just input the Current Average of 13 minutes. or how about 14 or 15.

sept 23

received rejection from post office job today that i interviewed for like 3 months ago. for the PSE mail processing clerk. funny that i was actually offered a carrier job but not the processing job.

and i turned down the carrier offer because of shit i read online hahahaha. i still dont feel too bad about that hahahaha.

but i still feel incapable of doing/handling just about any job!

how come SHE can handle a job but I cant?

note: these thoughts dont seem to bother me as much as they once did, thank GOD.

but, how come any random NORMIE can handle a job but I cant? is the more general version of that thought.

heh. so whites are responsible for most of the INJUSTICE in the world and therefore we need to balance out the balance sheet. whites still have a DEBT TO PAY. thats why they mock them and like it when whites fade away.

i need to really start socialising with white people who are proud to be white hahahaha.

not that i really hang out with whites who mock whites anyway! these people I see on twitter, i dont really see them in RL anymore. i will see people like this only very occasionally. the people i see most regularly are not nearly this bad, hahahahaha. thank GOD.

but i would STILL like to hang out with people who are blatantly pro-white, like me hahahaha.

so, WHITES deserve to lose power because they have been so UNJUST and OPPRESSIVE for HUNDREDS OF YEARS. They brought this on themselves. They are the Douchebro race and now they need to learn that they cant act like that without consequence. have to be held accountable.

this is exactly the antiwhite view, its so simple, and we would do well to remind ourselves of it. you cant logic with these people. you cant change them or redpill them or chip away at them. they are basically hopeless race traitors hahahaha.

but yeah debating THEM is useless but like bulbasaur says, its more useful for the listening audience, to chip away at the people who actually are on the fence.

sometimes people adopt certain personas to fit in or make friends, indeed i was like that. when i was 20 i was a huge antiwhite leftist who thought that mocking the ebil whites was a way to make friends with the cool leftist kids and maybe win the approval of the qt leftist gurls (at leftist university, all the gurls were leftist).

but that was when i was 20! these people are not 20 any more!

so i thank GOD that I became woke by age 30 hahahaha. this guy on twitter is not, and never will be. you find a 30 year old that is talking like this, its pretty hopeless. and they have children. and will teach their children this crap.

are there any people that people redpilled AFTER they have children? i think some guys on the fatherland actually were. actually i think having children starts the redpilling for some people. well good for them. they were probably on the fence anyway, or werent blatantly antiwhite to begin with.

i will do everything i can to live out the 14 words, but it still is VERY frustrating to think that I dont Have What It Takes to have my OWN white children.

i mean if shit is mostly genetic, i should be able to have children with a white skank, and abandon them, and they will prob still turn out all right…..right?

but its patently horrible to abandon your children, and i wouldnt really want to do that.

and i dont really WANT to have children with a white trash skank!!!!

but if thats my only option to have children? you cant live in a fantasy world, you gotta live in the REAL world hehehehe.

so yeah i guess my plan is, if i havent had children by age 50, then just go the desperate plan z route of knocking up basically any white woman that will take me.

but that child would be MISERABLE!!!!!!!

heh. i remember when i was on facebook. like 7 years ago. i would get triggered by the stupid annoying things people would say, especially women. i just wanted to get away from it all. so i did. years later i brought back facebook and only had 7 friends this time. basically people who did not post annoying stupid shit and were trusted long term fairly special friends. that worked out ok until i friended THat Woman hahahaha and so i have deactivated this FB for the past 14 months hehehe.

but seeing that guys shitty twitter just made me think, damn, facebook is EVEN WORSE. even MORE idiots saying even MORE stupid shit. and i was GLAD I didnt have to put up with that….. but i was also frustrated because maybe this means i am too easily triggered and cant DEAL with real life people!!!!!!!

well being annoyed by peoples stupid political and moral opinions on facebook is nothing new. normies get annoyed at this too. they just dont have the BALLS to cut off fb entirely like me hahahahaha.

yeah i mean i do like seeing pictures of muh friends beautiful white children.

but everyone I know has my email address and phone number. I check email 1488 times a day. its always open. its open right now. i get 1488 job alerts a day. i just looked at email right now.

you can search my name on google and find my linkedin and twitter pages, which have my email on them. my phone number is available to connections on my linkedin page.

i dont NEED facebook in other words.

why would you “DATE” somebody if “its not a serious relationship?” where date obviously means casually fooking. i swear it is the stupid WOMEN who ruin reddit with their womanly bullshit.

the things they advise, if a guy actually was like that, they would dump him quickly. they view kindness and respect as weakness. and actual weakness they view as worse than abuse or stalking or raep.

comedy. i used to be much more into comedy. well, my good friend was really into comedy and he is a great guy and i supported him and felt i had a somewhat similar appreciation for comedy and comedians, actually smart funny good comedians vs bad comedians, comic timing, what makes something funny, etc.

as i have become more 1488 i have become less tolerant of comedians. i guess louis ck is a great example of the change i’ve gone through. he’s new enough that he was never grandfathered in in my youth. he started gaining a reputation as a smart person’s comedian and writer. i sort of appreciate his Depth of Character Development, which is above average…..but he’s still a cuckold phaggot. I watch his stuff sometimes with some interest. he’s smart enough to know better, so its disappointing to see him ultimately be a big blue pill jooish phaggot. and really he’s nly 25% jooish. but he seems like way more hahahaha.

like i was watching this show on fx “better things” which he is the co creator of, along with the female star, who was actually the voice of bobby on king of the hill. here she plays a degenerate single mother actress mudshark basket case skank with an alcoholic skank single mother herself. no positive masculine characters. all the females are stronk independent fragile basket case skanks. it totally makes sense to have louis ck in on this, and its pretty disgusting.

you can do better louis, just dont be such a weak degen. but he wont, i am confident in that. so into the oven he goes.

and its very similar with all of tv, movies, hollywood, etc. its all jooish degen, and has been well before 1965. hollywood has been jooish even since like 1920 hahahahaha.

so what. whos a good comedian? george carlin? bill hicks? they seem edgy but really its just basic bitch libertarian bullshit, and that’s just not good enough.

yet when i was 23 and met a super qt 20 year old gurl who actually knew and liked bill hicks, i thought oooooo this gurl is so special. normie gurls dont even know who bill hicks is.

of course she turned out to be a crazy mudshark slut, and thankfully i quickly got over my infatuation with her. seeing a 2015 tweet from her (not a frequent tweeter but im sure she is a mad FBer) shows that she essentially supports BLM, hates cops, thinks cops are The White Man oppressing and killing Blacks, and also guns are bad too.

at age 29 this girly leftism becomes a lot less cute than at age 20, and i have some schadenfreude as she rapidly approaches The Wall with no husband, no children, because guess what cupcake: YOU ARENT GOOD WIFE MATERIAL.

you cant get down on women for being leftist though, women are natural leftists. it’s the man’s job to guide them to the right.

still, does that mean women HAVE TO express their dumb stupid leftist opinions? why cant they just be more Apolitical????? Apolitical is ideal.

indeed, not all people express stupid opinions on fb or twitter or whatever.

some of them have Anonymous Blogs where they write 148800000000 word posts on far right stuff and traditional values. find me that woman hahahaha. no jk. in a woman, thats just weird. for a man, well, then i would like to hang out with that guy!

and thats obviously what i need to do ASAP. meet more real life white men with Racially Woke Far Right Wing views and morals like me.

i kinda am interested in getting a part time ABA autism job. just to see what its like. i dont have that kind of curiosity for other shitty jobs hahaha. and all the ABA jobs are part time, low paying, low qualifications, low bar, seems like it would be easy for a dumb ingra woman to get hahahahaha so why not me. well thats presumptuous, i have interviewed for SEVERAL part time 11 dollar an hour jobs and not gotten an offer!

i could say i have autism myself. no i just have terrible social anxiety. big difference hhahaha.

hehehehehehehehe  this young man of 26 he is way younger than me AND he has a gf who doesnt dump him because he is at a deadend job making shit money and he is unhappy and so why doesnt she dump him because to keep a woman you have to be in charge and happy all the fookin time. and the second you have a low phase and ask them can i lean on you for some moral support, they say nope dont be so insecure needy and clingy, im gone, this is your fault for pushing me too much. hahahahahaha

heh. so a person goes to the dr to ask for some benzos because they are scared of flying, doc says ok fine, gives them <10 xanax.

this is a lot different than someone who says holy fook i need benzos to go to my job EVERY DAY because im so freaked out by my JOB EVERY DAY.

the guy who freaks out on planes does NOT freak out about his job. he survives his job quite easily, makes 40k+ a year, goes out and socializes on work nights, gets 6 hours of sleep tops, and doesnt mind. doesnt freak out.  wouldnt THINK of taking benzos for the job.

and i think OH GOD I NEED BENZOS JUST TO SURVIVE EACH DAY AT THE JOB.

now i didnt really. i got like 6 months prescription of benzos but just hoarded them. in hindsight i wish i HAD taken them on the job. but I was worried about Seemed Stoned to everybody, so I just continued to freak out and not take them, except on weekends sometimes, just to take the edge off.

today is friday night, party time, took half dose of nyquil, my go to party drug. wish i had a big bag of indica MJ, then i would smoke that hehehe.

woo hoo got 6 applications in today. got about 250 calories over my goal tho. but i wanted to get at least 5 applications today in order to feel like a basic human being. and i did hehehe. even as the nyquil is making my thinking less sharp hehehe.  also my apps are getting longer and bringing my average up. I remember when I was at like 12.9 minutes. now i am at like 13.3 minutes. not cool man!

i guess i am a little jealous of women. they can get a Trad Monog LTR even if they are totally crazy, “babies give me a mental breakdown, and im also suicidal.” a MAN this crazy would be a foreveralone virgin, compounding his suizidality.

but again we know the reason why. power of the uterus. so it is only RIGHT that any woman, even a crazy one, doesnt need to make a HUGE EFFORT to get a man, and can still easily get a man even with HUGE DEALBREAKERS.

this woman is so crazy that “babies make me want to K myself” good LORD.

hehehehe. theses STUPID ARGUMENTS that the WOMEN START. we never got to that point. she would just dump me long before it got to this point hahahaha.

i have an anxious attachment style, she has an avoidant attachment style hahahaha. maybe i need another anxious person hahaha.

i know you have to put in LOTS of applications before you get a job, and it ALWAYS takes LONGER than you think…..but HOW long? HOW many applications? over a year? over 500 applications?

yeah sure i should get WAY more than 500 applications in a year, but I was really lazy and shitty for the first 6 months of that hahahahaha. so yeah i could get more like 800 applications in a year.

 

NICE NOT TO BE A NEET

may 8

http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/borderline.htm

well my view of others does not bounce back and forth quickly.

nor do i overshare too early. it takes me forever to open up.

scored 21, where 20 to 32 is “LIKELY”. GREAT.

i mean it only happens with romantic type rels.  and i am not back and forth or shallow. its THEM who is shallow. then they dump me, sometimes abandon me, and i am DEVASTATED.

i think this is probably more Highly Sensitive, than BORDERLINE.

https://www.counseling-office.com/surveys/test_borderline.phtml

i mean i dont have mood SWINGS. I’m just always in a bad mood hahaha.

i dont want to be BORDERLINE! This crazy woman I used to work with was diagnosed as borderline and she was both the most sad pathetic and the most obnoxious person ever. i do not want to be like that at ALL.

i pushed her away because i was bugging her…..but i wasnt bugging her every day. i was bugging her once every 2 weeks because i was upset we hadnt hung out in 10 months.

yeah i screwed up, i should just said, THIS ENDS NOW, we need to talk NOW, or IM done with YOU.

but that is just cowardness and meekness and timidity and unassertiveness…..NOT BORDERLINE!!!!!!!!!!!!

how come a mistake can never be just a mistake with me? its always gotta signal some major underlying disorder?!?!?!?!?!?!

well because I have taken despair meds and seen a shirnk for YEARS. normies dont do this hahahaha.

because i struggle greatly to do the things normies take for granted, like Work and Bang Bitches.

Or Date Bitches, for that matter hahaha. when you are in your 20s, you bang bitches. starting in your late 20s, you start trying to date bitches long term to find someone for Marriage.

at this point i just want to work a job i can at least tolerate, smoke MJ, and bang attractive bitches. use them for their hot bodies and nothing more. yes this is degenerate, but its not a permanent phases, besides its not hurting the white gurls any. THEY WANT THIS. it may not be good for them, but if they’re not getting dick from me, they’ll SURE be getting it from someone else, maybe even black guys. or arabs. so, better to get off on sluts, than to get no kind of luv at all.

at this point, better to be with sluts than be with no women at all. just dont marry the sluts or get the sluts pregnant and especially dont be FOOLISH enough to get feelings for the sluts. I cant see getting feelings for ANYBODY though. not even decent women. I just wanna pound ass.

i do want to pound bitches asses. i almost dont care about meeting nice gurls because i wouldnt be able to appreciate them. i am emotionally unavailable and will be for like another year. but i certainly have desire to pound ass and then disrespect the women who choose to degrade Human Life Itself by having casual sex.

well arent I degrading human like itself? yeah, but only 1% the amount the women are. they are MUCH more to blame. a uterus is hundreds of times more important than a sperm. not my issue if they dont know how their own damn BODIES work. Of course I will ALWAYS wear a rubber even if they dont request it, because I care about human life, and I also care about getting diseases from these diseased skanks.

heheh big official job interview tomorrow morning hahaha. like, not with a recruiter but with the actual company, in this case, the city gubbermint hahahaha. I dont have a good chance at getting the FT job at all, but better chance of getting the PT job. i will take it because it is a job that is not in a call center hahaha. though maybe it will involved tons of phone calls from angry arab business owners saying why u taking so long to approve my permit. uhhh cuz the guy who can approve it has been in meetings or off all week and doesnt have time to sign the paper hahahaha. we’ll mail you the permit in 4 to 6 weeks hahahaha.

ok well lets register not register a formal complaint then hahahaha.  sorry not sorry.

yeah well I dont want arabs in muh city so this would be a good thing hahahaha.

ill just be like I have enjoyed living in this city for the past 20 years and I would like to give back to this community which is such a excellent place to call home. Serve the residents of the city and make it the best city possible. Help us stay under budget and run as efficiently possible and give the most value in city services to our loyal taxpaying residents. I watch the city council meetings sometimes and recognize the names of the people on city council hahaha.

for some reason my legs are very sore today even though I have taken the last 2 days off from the Gym. I wonder if i Pulled The Hammies while going at 15 degrees on the treadmill the other day hahaha.

that feel when both of the higher ups you will be talking to who make very good money went to the college that was the big rival of your college. your college got made fun of as the snobbish nerds, while you made fun of them as the idiots that would be working for the grads of your college, who were smart and successful. hahaha. except for me hahaha. hopefully they dont say something about college football hahahaha. then i can be like i dont follow college football at all and they will be like what a WEIRDO, especially when both our schools were kinda big football schools.  so I will say football is for n1993r5, dont you know.

oh well

oh shit i think this interview tomorrow is STRICTLY for the PT position. damn.

so that means i dont even get considered for the FT one?

and now i cant log into the system where you apply for the city jobs. getting weirdass asp.net errors.

you gotta be kidding me. my BMR, IE the maximum number of callories I can eat per day without GAINING way, is like 1570 a day. meaning…..if i eat any more than that…..I GAIN weight.  and to lose weight I need to eat substantially less than that. but the national institute of health says men should eat at least 1200 cals a day.

not 1829 calories like i ate today. but we kinda knew today would be intense hahaha. big fam dinner.

not all women are huge sluts. SHE wasnt a huge slut. but she did…..

well leave me high and dry would be a better term. leave me in the lurch. leave me hanging. severely disappoint me. its not betrayal. just feel a bit sold out. LET DOWN. I was greatly LET DOWN. and not easily. not betrayed, just let down harshly.

no, being let down is not betrayal. that is quite savvy of me to realize, as the victim hahaha. i wish she were savvy enough to realize I did not betray her.

oh fook not THIS again. it doesnt MATTER. and she probaby doesnt even think that anyway.

but yeah got to get up early tomorrow and bomb this interview haha.

i dunno i am still happy i didnt take the CALL CENTER job. I am less nervous NOW, the day before an interview, than I was EVERY DAY before WORK at the tech support call center.

so that was how nervous i was there hahaha. every day was worse than a big interview.

anyway. some women who are not filthy whores will also not dump me like a psycho weirdo. not all women are like that, not all women will do that.

hey just think of woman 2012 . she was a decent woman ANDDDDDD she rejected me in a very nice way. Just think of woman2012. way more perfect than woman2015 hahahaha.

just wish I wasnt all sore today. And I dont really know WHY. I ahve been been more inactive than usual. maybe my new muscles are wasting away hahahaha.

i will go tomorrow if i dont die before or during the interview hahahahaha. i think they are going to do several rapid fire speed interviews with at least 3 candidates. starting me at 9:20. what a weird time.

hmm well they could easily do 3 people before lunch.  could do like 60 minute interviews with each person.

a fooking 3 person panel. jeez o petes. overkill. thinking it will be the city clerk, the city HR manager, and who knows who else. probably the fookin MAYOR. the fooking CITY MANAGER.  3 guys making like 80 grand a year interviewing for a part time job making 13 bucks an hour. or is it 14. i think its 13 and change.

oh well even if it goes horribly, its a good thing to do. neets dont go on interviews hahahaha. its how you graduate from being a neet hahahaha.

it would be nice not to be a neet. that is really the best thing about jobs hahahaha. but is it really worth it? with my last job and the combined situation there, I chose being a neet over that ridic situation.

may 9

SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.

well i did my interview, and i did not die before or during it. i was a little nervous and autistic. I did not get any of the people right who would be there. turns out the main purpose was to establish an ELIGIBILITY LIST for FUTURE jobs, so uhhhh it wasnt for a specific job that was opening up soon. it was 3 women. I was familiar with one of th women and she was very nice. I sent email thank you to my Contact in HR to please forward this thank you message to these three people who I could not find the email addresses for. I found one of them on linkedin and invited to connect. with thank you note I included all sorts of happy clappy platitudes and 2 letters of recommendation, the long resume, and list of 4 references.

rambled a big and sounded retarded and nervous and autistic. This is what I do, I ramble, I forget about that. I am so afraid I will freeze up that I forget really my big mistake is rambling and putting words together that do not go well together, so I sound autistic and neet virgin af.

switched to my old shitty suit jacket this time because it is a better fit (smaller) than the new $5 one I got. I really have to have a small ass suit coat because of my small petite princelike body hahahaha.

sent email at 11:07 am, well before lunch. had interview at 9:20 am.

i was nervous but not super nervous like I was ERRY DAY at my old job.

shaved with brand new razor and got tiny specks of blood on my White Collar hahahaha. hope the HR Women didnt see that. i didnt see it till i got home and removed the shirt.

probably didnt project much confidence wiht my body language. rambled on autistically. apart from those things i did OK, not horrible, conveyed that I was good enough for a minimum wage part time job hahahahaha.

it is amazing I have ever been hired for a job EVER.

but i have done it 9 or 10 times in my life. nevar forget that.

yeah.

oh well. body language, neet autism virgin withstandin g (not notwithstanding because my unemployable neetness was on FULL DISPLAY!), the fact remains that true neets don’t leave their houses to do ANY kind of interviews. so I got that goin for me hahaha. got up at 7 am, took a shower, shaved with new razor, brushed teeth and flossed, put on plain white broadcloth dress shirt, blue dress slacks, red tie, and semi shitty gray suit coat, decent dressy shoes. actually not super dress shoes, but somewhat professional looking skechers shoes with big clunky soles which make me look 1 inch taller. notbad.jpg.

hopefully the one person will accept my linkedin invitation. they have like 230 connections hahahahahaha. would expand my linkedin reach. good get. hahaha. but they seemed nice. AND they went to my fancy pants college. so there.

now HOPEFULLY my HR Contact will forward my email and attachments to the people as I asked hahahaha. she could just say fook that shit ayyy lmao and delete it, with no one the wiser, and the Panel would say, damn what a neet virgin ingrate, guess he doesnt really WANT to work, hahahahaha.

http://www.metalsucks.net/2011/04/13/metalsucks-exclusive-pt-ii-one-year-later-peter-steele%E2%80%99s-people-speak-about-his-life-his-music-and-his-last-days/

heh dont know why i feel such a connection to peter steele. i was reading the blog his family put together and they seem to sanction two decent women he met in his life, one of which claimed to be his wife. i dont know if she was a secret wife, or they got divorced many years ago, or who these women are, probably not the beotch who cheated on him and let to the making of slow deep and hard, which I find hard to believe was written in “4 hours”.  anyway I want to know more about his personal life, his youth, his 5 sisters, his parents, him as a teen, starting carnivore, fallout, him meeting josh silver the j00, the women he dated and fooked, the women he cheated on (well, not sure he ever cheated on a woman, dont want to slander him, but he has himself implied that he has done some women wrong), i really should buy the book. how he got his job with the parks dept, did he drink and party a lot when he was young, what the hell did fallout really do, his formative memories, his true luvs and heatbreaks, the things he read, his thoughts on all sorts of stuff. why did he fook up those relationships with those two women hahahaha. or did they dump him. why didnt he marry one of them. talk about his time in rehab. his time in pennsylvania. shit i think he was technically in pennsylvania when he died. did they do any sort of “toxicology” report when he died. I read an internet rumor that he might have used heroin before he died. but he never used heroin, only coke.  but maybe he got all worked up one day and did a bunch of heroin leading to his death. an accidental overdose. not saying this happened. but yeah why not just marry the gurl you were in luv with when you were 18. he wasnt a neet wizard virgin, and dated and probably fooked gurls when he was 18. why not just stay with them. I wish I were 18 and That Woman was 18 and we met at the same age and I was her first boifran and then by age 21 I would say hey lets get married hahahaha. and both our lives would have been different and better hahaha.

never mind that is not possible because she is 8 years younger than me hahaha.

maybe I should have looked for an older woman?

i wasnt really LOOKING for anyone. there was a time when we were friends and I was saying the same woman-hating stuff I usually do, hurrr durrrr all the women in the world are such dirty whores, i could never get feelings for a woman, why can’t i just get feelings for my female friend, we get along really well. and then I DID. and that went much worse than expected hahahaha.

hey i wasnt paranoid she would abandon me. therefore i am not borderline haha. no i did not see the total abandonment coming. I was afraid about the relationship ending and I was desperate and grasping….but I wasnt contacting her 100000 times per day.

i mean i was a little annoying and pushy but not BORDERLINE!!!!! or maybe I am just vastly underestimating my own pushiness. all I know is, I did not see this ultimatum coming and was shocked. I knew there were obvious problems, but I really didnt think it would end like that, at that time.  i was BLINDSIDED.

people with borderline assault perfectly reasonable people, people who would never abandon a person, people who will Break Up with somebody the right way, with 100 messages a day saying please dont abandon me! please dont abandon me! what are you doing right this second! who are you with! etc etc.

i never did anything remotely like that. I just wanted to hang out once in ten months. borderline people will actually hang out with you, then the day afterward, say stop abandoning me. youre cheating on me, arent you.

i never did anything close to that.

besides, even if a borderline person is paranoid that you will abandon them…….still doesnt give you the right to abandon them without saying anything. you say im sorry but im leaving you, I cant deal with your paranoia any more. or you give them an ultimatum: you have one more chance to stop being paranoid or i’m leaving you. I will also let you know when I’m leaving.

she made some implication that I was pushing her away, because i apologized for the 90000th time about being pushy, and she once said “tbh thats why ive been so distant”

and that was the most i got out of her. well thanks for blaming everything on me hahahaha. cuz its all about you. you cant TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM here and decide to make a cameo appearance just to show a damn BONA FIDE. just hang out with me for 2 hours once in 10 months. I am not asking to hang out with you 3 nights a week! damn!

TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM baby. go through the motions once in 10 months! even women giving their husbands going through the motions sex do it like once every two months!  you can hang out with me once in 10 months and me pushing for that shouldnt all be blamed on me being too pushy! take some damn ownership and responsibility here! this isnt about me or you, its about us hahahaha.

yeah i mentioned ownership and accountability in my neet interview today and I saw them write shit down as I mentioned good buzzwords, like proactive not reactive; show initiative and accountability; be transparent and communicative; take initiative to learn things for yourself; follow up and follow through. provide great service. empathize. listen actively. dont take emotions personally.

TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM AND HANG OUT WITH ME ONCE IN 10 MONTHS. 

thats a good post title hahaha.

would i banish j00 josh silver from my white homeland? maybe, but it doesnt matter. i like that he was close with peter steele and also he works as a paramedic. being a MEDIC was his Plan B in life to take care of his family, which has now become his plan A. No J00s work as paramedics. they are all medica doctors. it is hard to find a less j00ish profession. you know who becomes paramedics? white party dudes who are too lazy to get a full degree and just want to make modest money and bang bitches. my friend and I always used to think we were such huge intellectuals because we went to college and knew the names of philosophers, while his younger brother was more of a “meathead jock” and banged hawt popular gurls and became a paramedic and made more money and banged better looking gurls than we did, hahahaha. with less brains and less education, hahaha. I was too immature to realize the younger brother was simply charismatic and a hard worker and very pragmatic. find something you can make ok money at without a 4 year degree. ok ill be a paramedic and have the excitement of saving peoples lives and just go to skool for 1 year.

well he did just that and has probably gotten promoted several times, maybe decided to Finish Up a useful health degree with tons of useful real world medic experience, and I think got engaged or married to some young hawt gurl. thankfully my friend, the older brother, is finally doing well with his career, but it was a kind of bumpy ride. but he made it and good for him. he might be able to get me an entry level customer service job if I am willing to leave my family behind hahahaha.  maybe 10 years ago, maybe. but 10 years ago he was not in that position!

like 10 years ago I got approved to do an americorps program in rural oregon. I ultimately said no sorry. but now I kinda wish I had said yes. knowing what I do now, I would have said yes. how the hell did I convince them, over the phone, to say YES to ME???? I was even more autistic back then!!!!! or was I??? maybe I was more charismatic because I had been with a woman within 2 years and not 12 years hahahahahahahaha. and I still drank so maybe that made me more charismatic too. but i dont think it did…..

anyway i can respect a j00 that does a white mans working class job and did not face any j00ish career privilege hahaha. I guess they have those kid of j00s in new york, but they sure dont have them here. here all the j00s are medical doctors and make at least 100k a year and all live in their rich j00ish neighborhood. round here, j00ish is synonymous with SUPERRICH. maybe josh silver is an orthodox j00 hahahaha. or maybe his family disowned him because j00s arent supposed to get tattoos.

ok i see the cover art of slow deep and hard is actually a peepee pounding a poosay, exactly like something you woudl see in a porno, and which was probably taken from a porno mag. and that v shaped thing is an upside down cvnt flaps, while the lighter green stuff near the top, is the throbbing c0ck. most of the c0ck is buried in the cvnt whcih is upside down and at the bottom. INTRADASTING.  i dunno, i refuse to look at porno any more, so i have no idea what Degenerate Coitus looks like.  i just know that women dont care much about getting pregnant, because they can just murder their babies and not care.

i would have liked to do that to That Womans cvnt, but she is too busy letting tons of other men do that, including black men hahahahaha oy vey. ima racist and i dont CARE. i DONT CARE about being a racist! I just care that I was dumped and heartbroken much like peter steele except i wasnt able to create great music out of it, nor do i have access to the hordes of casual recreational gothic ass to pound, like he did.

i wonder if he ever truly loved a woman again, after he became a rockstar and had easy access to poosay. Or did he just start doing coke and banging sluts and groupies. funny I think that all started between “october rust” and “world coming down.” the real loss of innocence. i picture everything from bloody kisses thru the october rust tour to be good times. october rust being recorded in a whirlwind after a 2 year bloody kisses tour.

then that tour probably started out real fun then maybe devolved into coke and nihilistic hedonism, also some people were dying that peter knew, and that made him sad, and supposedly world coming down was a very negative and painful and bleak album. i dunno it doesnt seem any more painful than slow deep and hard tho lololololol. and DAT RIFF in “world coming down” is super duper catchy.  anyway that is all speculation about what happened during that time. just that there had to have been a loss of innocence and youth at some point that happened sometime around 2000 and probably coincided with the coke. and peter blatantly went from looking young and secsy, to old and haggard. kinda like me. I was decent looking when I was young, but boy I aged about 20 years overnight and now look old and tired and dull. and at least pete was big and tall and could use that to pull gothic whores without effort.

TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM AND HANG OUT WITH ME ONCE IN TEN MONTHS.

not texting you 10 times a day what r u doing. who r you talking to. are you thinking about me. you should be.  THAT is borderline shit. not me.

boy i hope that woman forwarded my email to the relevant parties. I should have asked each person directly for their emails. Or I should have asked the woman directly when I was there. come to think of it i didnt actually see her personally. she was in her cubicle hidden in back. then I waited out in this atrium, and the 3 other women on the whatever committee were in another room, and they came and got me.

yeah it was probably some kind of committee. i asked for a business card to try to imply i would send a thank you email but they didnt have any.

also i was rambling and not communicating like TRUMP.

oh well. neets dont get dressed up and go to interviews even where they talk like neet virgins.

so therefore im not a neet virgin. but i might be borderline hahahaha.

no the key flashcard there is, i am not borderline because….i was not paranoid about her abandoning me, and her abandoning me totally BLINDSIDED me.

yeah just other times when i was dumped, there was never the feeling that the woman hated me, or was upset with me, or that i did something really wrong. they ALWAYS made a clear, valid, good faith EFFORT to spare my feelings. and that’s really all I can ask for. in hindsight I appreciate it, even though I was VERY ANGRY at them at the time. AND I still blamed myself: if i were MANLIER, she wouldnt have dumped me. but AT LEAST she TRIED to be POLITE to me when she dumped me.  Now I realize how damn important that is, and appreciate their efforts even more. they essentially showed some responsibility, some accountability, some OWNERSHIP over their own DECISIONS: like yes, I am owning up to my decision to dump you, it’s not your fault, if anything its MY fault. Im SORRY, but I just cant DO this.

thats ALL I wanted from her. amazing that an 18 year old gurl could be more mature and responsible than a 25 year old woman hahahaha.

oh shit got to remember to listen to this FALLOUT material from youtube. pre carnivore band featuring peter and josh da j00.

ok gonna try to do 1000 caljories now.

 

A LOSE LOSE LOSE LOSE LOSE SITUATION / GETTING YOUR LUV MUSCLE SWOLE AF / RECREATIONAL REPRODUCTION

mar 2

just because your relationship is in a contested or tenuous or uncertain state, doesnt mean you can just throw it away. doesnt mean you can throw it away and the other person wont get hurt. yes it was uncertain and probably unlikely that our friendship would or even COULD last…..but it doesnt mean you can throw it away like that. have a meeting and finish the friendship in an HONORABLE way, not a DISGRACEFULLY DISHONORABLE way. it should be a solemn and tear filled ceremony on both sides. like burying a decorated soldier. play taps on a bugle or amazing grace or bagpipes or something. its serious and its sad for both people. you dont throw the dead soldier into an unmarked grave. thats something you do with like osama bin laden hahahaha.

so dont say well i didnt owe it to talk to you or be nice to you because YOU (meaning ME) KILLED the whole friendship in an INSTANT when you got feelings.

and i would say, i disagree, youre WRONG, that simply isnt TRUE, i appeal that decision to dr fookin phil, lets go talk to a shrink right now, you can even pick a manhating shrink if you want. yes i got feelings but NO this doesnt kill the entire relship DEAD. our relship had longterm roots, had a lot of time and emotion invested from both of us; you just CANT kill that dead in one instant. you can try, and i say that YOU tried a lot harder than i did to kill it dead instantly. the natural and right thing to do when one person gets feelings is to talk about it, to see exactly how its gonna affect the friendship, and if it needs to end, end it HONORABLY.  the natural response is not to avoid and throw away the other person. thats NEVER the correct response.

by this time i can accept and live with the fact that she was just scared and avoidant. ive avoided shit i shouldnt have. i am a huge avoider. turns out so is she. ALL IT IS is a person avoiding dealing with an unpleasant reality because its too hard, and doesnt have a big enough payoff for her. and she probably KNOWS this too. but its not enough to get her to act. never will be.

like when you or even I avoid something we know we should do. we say, yeah i know im wrong, i should do this, but im too much of a lazy coward, now lets just focus on the future and not the past hahaha. yeah i was wrong, shame on me, i take full responsibility, bla bla bla. is this true repentance?

WELL, its not always that your avoidance directly HURTS another person. you might be too scared to do something you need to do, but its not really HURTING anyone but yourself. at worst another person is mildly annoyed that you didnt do something you said you would do. but rarely does your inaction directly hurt somebody a lot!

so in other words, very rarely would you need to make AMENDS with another PERSON regarding your avoidance.

this is one of those rare cases.

most of the time though, the main person youre hurting is YOURSELF, by being lazy and cowardly and craven and spineless and apathetic.

but sometimes, another person is really putting themselves out there For You, and you let them down by doing nothing. its not a betrayal, its not Aggressive Hostility, its not the worst kind of evil, but boy does it SUCK and its rude and destructive and bad.

so yeah. i cant say she was DISGUSTED by the idea of lowly loser ME liking way-out-of-my-league HER. she did not have a Big Head anyway. I cant say anything about her motivations or thoughts or feelings other than she was too scared/cowardly to do the Courteous thing; AND that she was not interested in Dating Me. that would have given her the motivation and courage to respond to me. I guess we can say she was not at all interested in continuing the friendship. like not at all. that was kind of insulting. rude hahaha. insult to injury.

they say there is a self esteem problem with Women. I say BULLSHIT. then women would not be making more money than men hahahah. they would be fookin pathetic neets like men. instead, many women act like fookin narcissists. like they are gods gift to the world. now bow down and worship me. how dare that unattractive man even look at me.

if anything i like a woman with slightly LOW self esteem because I have kinda low self esteem myself. also it makes you more humble and friendly and not an asshole. people dont think theyre TOO GOOD for you. so i kinda liked that about her. she was humble and quiet and shy and didnt think she was the greatest thing in the world. without falling into the other trap women with lower self esteem have, ie they become sluts trying to build their self esteem thru promiscuous secs. and she did not do that.

march 3

i dont think she had super low slut level self esteem in other words. she just didnt have excessively inflated narcissistic princess self esteem! and was humble and reserved and quiet and chill and did not have a huge sense of entitlement. she seemed mature and nice and loving because she really was.

she was also real “good” at avoiding shit when she didnt have something tangible or obvious to gain. like, if she were in love with me and desperate to hold on to me, she would have done something.

when women really luv a man, they show it. they dont make things ridiculously, infuriatingly difficult for you. they make it EASY for you. note: not the same as making it easy to bang them……too many women give it up too fast and easy. when i say easy, i mean they are friendly and OPEN. they WANT to spend time with you. they arent constantly busting your balls and giving you TESTS. they are HAPPY to be with you and will let you know. by smiling at you, laughing at your stupidest jokes, gazing into your eyes, getting close to you, not treating you like you have ebola. not avoiding you all the time, or giving you excuses.

documentary on love shy incel virgin males, possibly some neets in there, women hate their entitled personalities and desire for nonfat women

http://pastebin.com/Q7BDknYY

here is a copy of the comments hehehehe

march 4

well apparently all these guys are creepy and woman hating and they also hate themselves and will take years of therapy to even start to heal their broken souls and maybe then they might be ready for fat old table scraps. then and only them. they are SO broken, SO far behind, that it would take YEARS for them merely to wake up, and then YEARS after that for them to actually change their behavior enough to pull fat old single mom table scraps hahaha.

not to dehumanize the fat old table scraps! i just dont want to marry them and have children with them and i dont even really want to date them or even bang them. i would rather be alone, and GOOD they say. i want to have actual feelings for a person like ive had in the past. maybe less DEBILITATING, but i DID like the CERTAINTY of it all. there was no ambiguity or maybes or waffling or on the fence or uncertainty. i was 100% ALL IN with the person. thats the way i wanna be with the woman i marry and have children with!

i dont want to have Loved OTHER women MORE than the woman I marry and have children with! its really not fair to HER! or the CHILDREN! or to me. its a lose lose lose lose lose situation! (assuming 3 children hahahaha)

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/does-she-me-1

“DOES SHE LIKE ME?” asks the secsually mature college aged kidult. hey i didnt know these things when i was 18 either, i only knew how to beat off to jooish filth aka porn. therefore i never learned how to talk to grills and i never went on to make white children.

anyway i would say, and this is a thought exercise because i want to see IF i know the correct answer before reading what alice says, which is sometimes accurate but oftentimes horribly degenerate and permissive and immoral.

ok, if she likes you she will be sending obvious signals and might get increasingly obvious until you notice them, if youre too autistic to notice them at first. or she might get bored and then lose all interest in you and not show you any signals any more.

basically she will WANT to hang out with you and will say YES when you invite her to hang out and NOT AVOID you. she will smile at you in a genuine way, maybe tilting the head, staring deeply into your eyes.

if you get closer to her, she will not pull away like you have a disease. but you should probably make the first move towards her. touching her and staring at her and such.

she will be OPEN to you and friendly and accomodating to you and not a yuuuuuuuuuge bitch. she will seem OPEN and not CLOSED to you, generally.

the article did not really say that but it didnt NOT say it either. it said it can be scary to put yourself out there for a possible rejection, yes VERY true, but we have to make ourselves open and vulnerable if we ever want to get Luv, also true.

mar 5

well thing is i am probably less love shy than these woman haters, because i have come CLOSE, several times, just never been able to Close The Deal. Luv Is For Closers. Wives are for Closers Only. i have opened Muh Heart and put myself out there…….i just keep getting rejected. probably because i am a classic Nice Guy and spark absolutely no attraction whatsoever on the part of the women. no tingles, no swooning, no sense of wanting or devotion or commitment. no tingle. no luv. no attraction. no attachment. no value. sometimes as a friend though, but never more. hehehe. i want to be more than friends with a woman some day!!!!!! well at least i can be even friends with a woman. i dont think the love shy incel woman haters can even do that, because they are too Dripping With Creepiness.

also i am not as weird looking and weird acting as they are. when i talk to people, i am not super duper WEIRD. i mainly come across as a little shy and quiet, and super NICE, but definitely not WEIRD. if anything i am a people pleaser and give the impression of wanting to be Liked and Accepted and Not Rejected hahahaha.

But Dripping and Reeking of Entitlement and Anger, not so much! I’ve been able to rein that stuff in in public hahaha.

google how to think fast and act cool under pressure when you have not had enough training

while bullshitting reasonable sounding explanations while sounding confident even though you have no idea what you are doing.

thinking of my Old Job once again hahahaha. You Just Do It because no one will show you how and theres no articles on the internet, videos on youtube, or threads on forums on these topics on the whole internet. i cant beleive it.

ok. heres what you do. you try to make everyone like you, so they invite you to Happy Hour after work. you eagerly accept and then spend a minimum of $50 on drinks for the coworkers. buy everyones affection. that way they will be willing to help you when you fook up on the job. they will be willing to train you to do your job. also try to get as much job training out of them while you are all at the bar drinking, because at work, you simply wont be able to Steal Their Time to get them to Show YOU how to do YOUR job which nobody trained YOU on because the company has determined that its not cost effective to TRAIN people, just throw them to the wolves and if they drown, fire them. and no one is there to teach you how not to drown. That’s where I come in. and tell you to spend fookloads of your hard earned money at the BAR essentially Bribing your Coworkers to talk to you about Work while at the Bar.

How do you get them to invite you to Happy Hour? ummmmm see who gets out at the same time you do and say “hey want to go to happy hour and i will buy you some dranks? I’d like to get to know my coworkers.” keep doing that until someone agrees. bonus points if you can get any of the Senior Team Members. They will know more, be smarter, AND their opinion of you REALLY matters. They will probably be 10 years younger than you, make $3 more an hour than you, not have to answer phones all day, and possibly have attractive gurlfrans hahahaha. bet you wish you knew what that felt like!

cuz see you can get to work early and stay late to shadow people and learn shit. but since they are still working, you wont be able to ask them questions about YOUR job, just watch them do THEIR job and hope is relevant. not that either you or them will know if its relevant.

Ooooooh heres an idea. Bribe a coworker who either starts or leaves in the middle of your shift, to come over and help you before or after their shift. give them money and or buy them lunch, dinner, and or dranks.

201 days since last contacted HER, 235 days since i last talked to her and shit ENDED.

i have definitely turned a corner and might be even 50% through it. but i am certainly not over here. i will not be over her until i have equal feelings towards another woman.

should you marry a woman if you still have feelings for a previous woman?

im talking about when you know youre getting old and you know your mate value is low and you’re not gonna get a GREAT woman, so you just have to SETTLE for the best you can get. you know you’re not gonna be HEAD OVER HEELS in LOVE with her. but then you say, is this REALLY the best i can do? even that damn MUDSHARK i loved more than this endomorphic, potato-shaped, stumpy, squat 35 year old single mother. who might be half lebanese hahahaha.

we have a lot of “LEBANESE.” for being such a small damn country. the lebanese seem to be christian or at least nonmuslim and often mix with whites to create swarthy mixed children who could pass for italian. dont get fooled. have them get a 23 and me.

but do you really DESERVE a 90% or more white wife? you might be white, but you’re still a loser, therefore, you deserve a white loser wife, at best.

i wandered into some degenerate filth on tumblr, which i forgot was FULL of degenerate filth. I found a degen camwhore who sorta looked like THAT WOMAN. OH GOD. and she posts all these degen pictures because she “Loves Secs and is a Secsual Goddess” and loves being fooked hard and being secsy for all the guys jerking off to her, who then post pictures of them jerking off to her pictures.

well i looked at it for longer than i should have but i did not really ACT on that looking. really i would have liked to keep the looking at under 10 seconds, rather than 5 minutes. i mean shit its been 159 days since i really looked at the filth. i want to get that filth out of my mind, its absolutely disgusting.

its sad that a 21 year old gurl, let alone any woman, any person, could/would think this is OK.

well i wont reset my counter, but i would if i had actually physically indulged in the degeneracy. although i did LOOK at it for TOO long.

i hope That Woman doesnt do filth like that!!!! now that she is on dating sites. giving those naughty bits to random men from the dating sites. o god. i would have given her naughty bits a hard masculine pounding but i would have given her luv and commitment too. thats hard to get from a guy like me hahaha who doesnt luv any women.

2016-03-05_19h22_04

http://www.rdos.net/eng/

take the Aspie Quiz!

turns out i am a total normie….well signif more normie than i am a sperg hahaha. an autist hahaha. now i picked a lot of middle of the road answers. for tests like this it helps to go to extremes so you can Discover Yourself.

karma is a BITCH! just like how on married at first site, neil divorced sam even though sam came around to him and changed herself and started being really nice to him. TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE, even if she was being genuinely nice. she was just SO bitchy to him in the beginning, and he did not like it. questioning his masculinity and such. to be sure, he was very faggy and not masculine at all.

yeah dont tell the people why youre dumping them. because you werent x y z enough. because YOU did something WRONG. this is YOUR fault. and then if they are like me, they will blame themselves for pushing the love of their life away.

but yeah its amazing how wrong things went. i liked having her in muh life. i cant believe it failed so fantastically. i was trying to help it fail better hahahaha.

also i feel more like a confident normie when i have a female friend. when i dont have any female friends, i feel like a total weirdo who doesnt know how to talk to gurls.

obviously the solution is to have MORE THAN ONE female friend in case one gets totally BTFO. then you can prove to yourself that you are still treated as a human being by women.

yes it does matter that these are friends and not family members hahahaha.

although it really sucks if your family is not good to you!

but yeah its still easy to remember the good times even though……..horry sheet….we are getting to the point where it will be TWO YEARS since we had good times. wow. that is just scary how much time of my life i wasted here.

well i “only” wasted 10 months. and then i’ve “wasted” like 8 months trying to Get Over It. so, 18 months. only a year anda half hahaha.

still i wish she had shown me a little more CONSIDERATION and KINDNESS. COME ON.

mar 6

yeah dont want to look at that filth. women shouldnt be DOING that, and men shouldnt be LOOKING at it. that is just a terrible mindset to be in. i hope my future wife has never done shit like that.

well i made spreadsheet of NET calories for each day since jan 1. NET meaning calories from food minus calories burned exercising that day, if any. then get 60, 66 days worth and really crunch some numbers. get the AVERAGE net calories over a LONG period of time. myfitnesspal does not LET you do this so i had to make this spreadsheet to tell me that as of today i am getting NET calories per day of 1173. wow not bad uh. so really i should be losing 2 pounds a week instead of 1.5 then right hahahaha.

yeah i wish i hadnt looked at that filth for so long. even just looking at it for 10 minutes is too much. you start to think all women are whores like that. yes you are a whore if you put pictures of yourself fooking a dildo on the internet.

well what if youre just showing your t1ts or showing an unspread undildoed vag? SLIPPERY SLOPE MAN. SO slippery, i’d say its practically the same thing. just a short matter of time.

i dont want to think average women would do this.

even if they DO, you are BETTER OFF NOT looking at it ever, and then dealing with their whorishness on an individual basis, like, telling women directly, dont be a whore. but dont look at evidence of their whorishness. i guess maybe you can actually bang them though. cuz that increases mans confidence.

looking a porno or even “erotica” just makes you hate women, and decreases confidence. better to just jerk off to your imagination instead, and not having your imagination perverted by that perversion.

yeah well it does to me at least. i hate that women are so dumb and immoral and weak and degenerate to do this. and its sad they dont have fathers who keep them from doing it.

yeah i did dumb degenerate shit when i was young too though. but theres something unique about exposing your “holy of holies” as a recreational pleasure zone for the express purposes of glorifying recreational sexs and getting horny guys to jerk off to you, putting it out there for EVERYONE to see. this should be a PRIVATE thing. have SOME humility and decency. this is the thing that creates life, and you put it up there on the internet getting POUNDED and CREAMED.

its degrading for everyone and its disturbing men watch so much of it so reguarly. its disturbing i watchd so much of it. it def fooked me up!

what if a woman wants to commit to you but you dont want to commit to her?

i havent had THAT happen yet, but i guess it could. if i could fall in luv with a female friend, ANYTHING can happen.

a womans commitment is a valuable thing. it means she luvs you and wont just up and LEAVE you. she will be willing to have your children and raise em up hahahaha. that is super valuable. and you want to have children! so shouldnt you have children with ANY woman who is WILLING to have children with you?

TECHNICALLY any woman who has SECS with you is saying they are willing to have children with you.

and women have casual secs with guys theyve just met.

so fooked up.

THE HUMAN LIFE CREATION PROCESS SHOULD NEVER BE CASUAL. IT IS INHERENTLY INTIMATE AND SERIOUS.

and dont show your babymaker and adjacent areas getting pounded and creamed on the internet for neets and degens to jerk off too.

Oneitis is actually true luv and is a GOOD thing, when its two-sided.

I am very regretful I fooked up my MIND by

  1. watching lots of porno in my youth
  2. and THEN when i wondered why i couldnt pull women, i DOUBLED DOWN by reading tons of game and pua stuff. that only made the problem worse.

tons of porno > incel > tons of game/pua reading > bad bad way to be. you get permanently fooked up and takes a lot of hard work just to get back to neutral.

now game isnt ALL bad. if you can filter out the wheat from the chaff. look for the stuff that befits a healthy, traditional, moral, white man.

its IMPOSSIBLE to filter out the chaff though when you are coming from the Frustrated Porno Incel mindset I was in, and which probably 80% of people who read a lot of Game are in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

good point! hahahaha

when i watched that pornographic stuff the other day, i could only think of That Woman and how I REALLY wanted to be getting intimate with HER, and it wouldnt be degenerate at all. then i think of her giving her Genitals to some Tinder Badboy and feeling jealous and disgusted that he gets to experience that, and that she is being such a dumb whore.

cuz i still have a libido thank GOD…….i am just starting to appreciate it as a Sacred Vehicle for Gods Love, a tool of Life Creation that you share only with the woman you Luv. like I did for her. Sacred Gods Love.

and of course watching porno completely kills that view of secs as special and sacred and turns it into j00ish hedonist degenerate muh dick, if it feels good do it.

whereas it should be a symbol of luv and intimacy and pair bonding, which is WAS, for me re her, and for her to give it away in that degenerate sense is just heartbreaking.

i mean yeah i would have gotten pretty perverted with her. done everything you can imagine with her. recreationally even! using a rubber to signal my intention that i dont WANT this to be Procreative Secs! but i would also treat it as an intimacy building thing, a love strengthening thing. like lifting weights for luv. getting your Luv Muscle SWOLE AF.

but yeah even watching a LITTLE porn is bad. eschew this degeneracy completely, cold turkey. i hadn’t looked at something that bad in MONTHS yet i could already feel my brain rewiring itself back to the old bad ways.

you shouldnt see this stuff unless it is being given to you in real life by a real woman, pref one you have a Real Rel with. to present it in any other way is degrading. and even somewhat vanilla softcore tumblr camwhoring is degrading af. and then think about the REALLY degrading shit. horry sheet.

march 7

yeah i think i am making some definite progress in getting over HER and she is seeming more like a fading memory. which is good. well i mean id still be with her. maybe in 10 years when she is an old catlady with baby rabies she will coyly contact me to see if im married, and then i will have my chance to bang her, after she’s past the Wall and she probably has some bastard kids, possibly half black, and she doesnt look nearly as good as she does now. older and fatter and uglier. and has been with way more men and has certainly gotten crazier. yeah sign me up for that.

women need their fathers to help them pick a good man.

htt   ps://radio.therightstuff.biz/2016/03/02/the-fatherland-episode-16-car-talk/

see this episode of the fatherland hahaha. also good talk on women “settling.” because they overestimate their own declining value and are holding out for “mr big”, or their ((((soulmate)))), or a guy who gives them more “tingles” hehehe while totally dumping good beeta provider good father types. their father would say, i dont care that this guy is not an exciting badboy, hes a good man, and i should know, marry him and have some kids and in a few years youll thank me. YOURE WELCOME. dont ride the carousel like a slut.

anyway. not much left to say about it hahahaha. as time passes its obvious that she was the bad guy and was being super UNFAIR to me. she was being more unfair to me than i was being to her. i didnt EXPECT her to luv luv me. I just EXPECTED her to not avoid me, and to Talk to me about ending our Rel. That is not unfair at all! its fair AF!!!!

meanwhile she cuts me off and lets me fall off the cliff while flailing my arms. lets me drown while i flail my arms when she could have thrown me a life preserver. just turns her back and walks away on somebody that was important in her life.

shit yeah its very disorienting. turns your world upside down. how she could be so nice and kind and loving when we were Just Friends, but treat me COMPLETELY differently when i started showing her some Interest.

well she would say I was treating HER completely differently. kind of, yes, ok fine. but it was in a positive and open way, hers was in a closed and negative way. how is it so hard to say Aw Im Sorry?

Even if she was too Overwhelmed to say it, why not just signal it? signal warmth and kindness to me rather than coldness and hatred?

mixed in with mixed messages like “you are a good friend” and “yes of course well hang out soon” and “i miss you too.” i took those as signals of warmth.

but yeah she was overwhelmed and Just COuldnt. I Cant Even. that’s all it was. something so simple, but had such devastating consequences.

just give me a little recognition that this is TUFF for me.

understand this is not the best way to exit a rel. that there is a better, more mature, less hurtful way of doing it.

show me just a LITTLE kindness. the fact that we had a REAL friendship kinda DOES “entitle” me to that. you arent some random slut to me and im not some random chad to you. respect that we were once important to each other. respect the long term relship. respect me as a person. just because i changed towards you doesnt mean i stopped respecting you as a person. i never wanted to hurt you. i wish you had shown ANY effort in not wanting to hurt ME. any effort at all. cuz whether you WANTED to or not, you still hurt me. at least give some sign that you dont MEAN to hurt me. give me SOMETHING, ANYTHING.

recognize that its HARD to LOSE someone whos IMPORTANT to you. damn. it doesnt matter that you were more important to me than i was to you. i used to be important to you! you changing how important you find me does not absolve you of the responsibilities of treating me like a human being with a heart and soul and feeeeelings!

anyway i am just concerned with how to learn things FAST. learn complicated confusing things FAST and then multitask them while explaining them. without having to ask for help. without getting flustered. and withstanding this all day every day.  how to fake confidence.

well i would say fake confidence with a slow yet not monotone voice; by bullshitting and always covering your ass; and using flashcards to memorize facts fast, even if they dont mean anything to you yet.

yes but HOW do yu bullshit and cover your ass effectively?

how do you maintain your sexual morality when no women are sexually moral? how do you treat sex as special and sacred when all women are promiscuous whores who treat sex like recreational hedonism?

in other words, how do you turn a degen woman into a nondegen? how do you live with degen women when you are trying to be nondegen?

taking into account that All Women prefer Experienced and Confident men…..

well what about tim tebow? he made a big deal about wanting to stay a virgin till marriage but because he was a secsy pro sportsball aflete, cute young gurls were literally throwing themselves at him, would have no problem marrying him.

http://pastebin.com/raw/RMfpQP8n

because i cant archive TRS forum posts cuz you have to be logged in hahaha

so technically i am breaking their OPSEC well i am sorry goys

a 16 year old virgin boy on TRS was asking the valid question, should i just bang some random slut now, or wait for somebody i truly like. we all know what the nondegenerate choice is, but… he worries about being a 30 year old virgin hahahahahaha. i am not a 30 year old virgin but kinda close to it. i am older than 30 and i have only have secs with 1 gurl, 2 times. it is not easy for manlet beetas to get secs. so i would say, just TRY it, make sure you are Protected, and if you dont really like it, THEN wait for somebody you actually like instead of some random dirty skank who gives it to everybody. which is what all women really are anyway hahahahahaha sort of kidding.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/pornography-to-abstain-how/10412/15

QUOTE

The problem is deeper than blocking access. The problem is the desire to see it. We are proud white people who believe life is sacred, including the reproductive act. Now that’s not to say we don’t occasionally have a moment of weakness or confusion, but something that we know is wrong should not be a regular part of our life. The question I ask when I’m tempted is “Why do I want to see this when I know it’s wrong?” Those who control our culture make it a point of pride to give in to every base urge. Pornography trains us to do this by appealing to the most powerful urge of all. By fighting this temptation, you’re defeating the enemy’s most potent weapon and strengthening your own constitution, becoming a better, stronger man. The more you reflect on this, the less you will be tempted, and the freer you will become. The desire itself will actually go away. At least, it did for me. Hope this is helpful.

That’s right. Just remember. The j wants you watching porn and idly fapping away at degenerate sexual acts. They want your brain seared with disgusting imagery so you can not have healthy loving relationships with the opposite sex. Remember it is as much a weapon as a gun or a vial of poison. It is literally turning you into a depraved human being that is wasting time you should be spending on improving your self and mingling with real life females.

It’s so disgusting to see the way males in public (even whites these days) ogle women and their body parts like they are pieces of meat. It’s obviously because they stare at porn for hours on end. You expect it from negros and beaners but come on white man. Have some respect and have some chivalry.

That’s another good point about ogling and objectifying. I’ve had grown men I work with showing pictures of the wives and girlfriends body parts on their phones. They stick it in my face and say “Check this out!” I sez “Man, I’m 37 years old!” “Yeah so?” “So is it really still that exciting?!”

Yeah we all found porno magazine here and there growing and were captivated to some degree. But then I figured we grew up. We got white males, fully grown, running around showing each other “boobies” like teenagers.

END

Daily Stormer i havent read their board that much but i totally respect them and Andrew Anglin, who is even shorter than me hahahaha. I dont care if he banged an asian gurl once [not entirely proven, just pictures of him with asian gurls] and I believe he deserves a good white wife and white children. i would like to see him more on TRS but he is busy with his own thing. But I totally support DS, i just read TRS moar. and by read i mean i listen to the fatherland, the shoah, and read the forum. I would send DS dnations if i had a real income. and of course TRS, probably mill woes, that nationalist woman in sweden with 8 white kids whos husband was arrested for hate speech, the white farmers in south africa, etc.

high school kid says its so easy to get secs when you are young, you just text a slut dtf and she says ok. and you are banging a 17 year old gurl!!!!!! course this is coming from the tall handsome confident 17 year old boy hahahaha.

well i am glad i banged a gurl before age 25. because thats when your brain gets locked in. so if i can get a gurl to do recreational reproduction with me before 25, i have some kind of game locked in, and i should be able to get Action AFTER 25. i just havent yet hahahaha.

now if you are SO autistic you cant get laid by 25, then thats hopeless. i guess get a hooker at age 24, but thats not gonna teach you much about Game and Talking To Gurls. Well I guess if you got GFE hookers where you talk to the hooker before the secs.

well its ALL fookin degenerate. Porno, and also Game PUA. it was TERRIBLE that i went though BOTH phases because that is the most j00ified, degen regression ever. PUA is basically taking a pornographic approach to life and finding the most pornified degen crazy bitches.

IF SHE GIVES IT UP TO YOU EASILY, SHELL GIVE IT UP TO ANY MAN EASILY

1129

i was thinking, if i were to have S with a woman before really knowing her, like within a week or even a month of meeting her, i would say to myself: I DONT TRUST THIS WOMAN. Sure it’s great that i’m getting S so easily, but IF SHE GIVES IT UP TO ME EASILY………SHE’LL GIVE IT UP TO ANY MAN EASILY.

She’s PROMISCUOUS. She’s EASY. She doesn’t respect the Power of Pregnancy. Baby with a Gun.

she doesnt even KNOW me. i could be a total psychopath. if she can do this with me, she can do this with other guys. possibly while she’s WITH me. she doesn’t respect the power of pregnancy, she doesn’t respect sex itself, this is NOTHING to her, she’s just in an emotional swoon and not even thinking. boy now i don’t feel so special any more. well you SHOULDNT. she does this with ANY GUY.

i have such an aversion to SLUTS, that i never THOUGHT about how a woman could deeply hurt me in ways OTHER than being a slut. THAT PERSON hurt me more than any slut ever has, and she was not a slut!

well….she didnt intentionally hurt me. the hurt came from me being in luv with her.

BUT….she could have been nicer. she didnt have to be so mean.

she didnt even have to be NICE. SHE JUST HAD TO WRITE AN EMAIL. SHE COULDNT WRITE ONE EMAIL? ONE TEXT???????????

and that is the key to my liberation hahahaha. she didnt have to be nice nice. she didnt have to be super cordial or emotionally intelligent or mature. she just had to write ONE EMAIL and she couldnt even do that.

of COURSHE it was SHOCKING because even though the Signals said our Rel was On the Outs and we were Ending,  i simpyl thought she cared more about me as a person than to do that to me. maybe she DID. but she sure didnt SHOW it.

got in 9 miles on treadmill yesterday, it was awwwwwright. goosh goosh hahahahaha. i listened to a bunch of MOONMAN and it was awesome. the mother fookin racist n199er killin moon hahahaha. using n199er babies as fleshlights, twistin there heads off hahahaha. moonman is just what i need right now and i thank GOD for him. or for the 4chan / 8 chan guys who “repurposed” him from a mcdonalds mascot into a hilariously racist rapper hahahaha.

IMHO, and not all would agree, I would like to see moonman as more of a general neoreactionary, and direct more of his ire towards j00s and marxists and mudslimes and leftists and be very tuned into current events (although he already is) and maybe be adopted by like TRS (the right stuff) or even THA WOES.

while also promoting traditional values and nuclear families, and not adopting the degenerate sex practices of the culture he is mocking hahahaha. cant have it both ways moonman. its enough that you are rapping hahahaha.

but yeah. i knew she was mad or scared or annoyed or distant or hated me at that time…………..but i didnt think she was SO DONE with me that she COULDNT WRITE ME ONE EMAIL.

I BEGGED HER TO RESPOND AND SHE DIDNT.

What else can I do? KEEP begging her to respond? because Im still in luv with her, yes, thats what i want to do.

IT TAKES A LONG TIME FOR TRUE LUV TO DIE.

she doesnt have to suffer through that drawn out process! because she wasnt in luv with me!

if she was, then she would have been WILLING TO WRITE AT LEAST ONE EMAIL TO ME!!!!!!!!

i wonder how long it takes HER to have S with guys. PROBABLY NOT LONG, NOW.

with a real fly by night, jaded, un-innocent attitude like that, its IMPOSSIBLE to get that PROTECTIVE feeling you get for women you truly luv.

it shows them as being DESTRUCTIVE and RISKY and a BAD INVESTMENT and DISLOYAL and UNLOVING and UNLOVABLE hahahahaha.

dykes in the ikea commercial with their cutesy takeout at home drawer, phaggots in the campbells soup commercial for star wars soup, and the poor kid with 2 phaggot fathers has them both saying luke i am your father WOW now that actually shocked me hahahahaha.

although i do think two gay fathers would probably be better than a bad single mother, or two straight parents who hate each other and shouldnt be parents. cuz gays are usually successful professionals who can make sure their kids become successful professionals too and not loser layabout neets like us hahahahaha.

i mean i wouldnt have a problem with gay parents who otherwise act like traditional nuclear parents.

its gonna make women go out and cuck their boyfrans, it encourages female disloyalty hahahahaha.

i mean i used to have gay male friends, i got along with gay men all right and they were ok with me not being gay for them. maybe i even liked the attention, that hey SOMEBODY finds me desirable and is being Fun and Flirty with me! this must be what an Alpha Male feels like when Women are Fun and Flirty and Friendly and Open to him hahahaha.

at the end of the day, its the women not men who bother me with their weirdness and degeneracy:

  1. they have sex too soon and too easily, indicating no proper respect or knowledge of what their own bodies can do
  2. they lose interest too easily and are “monkey branching” to another man, always have one foot out the door, classic hypergamy leading them to get bored with you and withdraw a once-present interest, which is really crushing
  3. general disloyalty, infidelity, untrustworthiness. you cant trust em. do they love you, or will they disappear forever one day without warning, without willing to work on the relationship?

its hard to like, love, or respect people who act like this! whyidontlikewomen.txt

HYPERGAMOUS MERCENARIES!!!! hahahaha

well arent men hypergamous too? they always want a younger, fresher, more fertile, better woman?

NOT AS MUCH AS WOMEN, I claim. maybe i’m just wrong about that becuase i’m USED TO rejection from women, so i don’t like women and have become prejudiced against them. yeah definitely a little!

so in other words, maybe women ARENT more hypergamous than men, it just SEEMS like it to ME, becuase women have always rejected me for being a weak omega hahahaha.

i found a long womans hair on my clothes recently and i thought oh god i hope its not from THAT PERSON, because i remember distinctly back in the day how painful it was when a woman dumped me and then in the future i found one of her hairs somewhere, left months ago when she was cuddling or more with me.

then i realized it COULDNT be that persons hair because i never even cuddled with her and never got physically close enough to her to have one of her hairs fall on my clothes. it was just some random woman hair i picked up at some random public place, possibly the fatness gym.

comment on this vidya :: ” Listener 18 hours ago
James Howard Kunstler speaks of the creation of the suburbs are the greatest misallocation of resources in history, and that may be true in a material sense. But I think an equally great misallocation is what the modern West does with its young women. A young blond girl should not be serving immigrants in McDonalds. She should be serving her husband and children in her home. There is perhaps no greater evidence of a lack of solidarity than this, that our young women, upon whom our future existence depends, are allowed to waste their youth in frivolous pursuits, destroy their bodies with piercings, tattoos, and obesity, and associate with and even have children with the least desirable elements of society. No society that would tolerate this deserves to exist.  ”

NOICE hahahahaha

well i would clarify that we do deserve to exist, but god damn we need to stop encouraging such destructive horrible degenerate behavior in OUR young women!!!!!!!!!!

someone else linked to this blog

https://klownisms.wordpress.com/

where an american teaching english in korea complains abotu how degenerate and horrible korea is, just a terrible culture. hehehehe like 10 years ago i had signed up for a company to teach english in korea, glad i decided not to follow through hahahaha. i wouldnt have the guts. he has the guts and his patience is wearing very thin. he needs to get out!

https://klownisms.wordpress.com/2014/05/13/the-human-centipede/

yeah sounds like a shitty culture where everyone hates and abuses everyone else, there is no solidarity or community or luv, not even religion or class or race for gods sakes! and everyone beats their wives and children and is an alcoholic and kills themselves hehehe.

and they eat their young and are all crabs in a bucket and human centipede and eating shit and giving shit and have no honor and all they do is lie cheat and steal, and they like fooking children because theyre monsters.

this is all leading from THA WOES arguing with a “Korean Dandy” in the above video and then the comments talk about how the Korean Psyche is godawful.

a girl giving it up to YOU easily is reason not to trust her, is reason to make you uneasy. happy in the short term but unhappy past that.

this is partially why i am not comfortable With Sex. cuz the only chances i got to do it, was with women i barely knew, who barely knew me, and i am much more comfortable with Going Slow, and women should want to go even more slow, but theyve been Sped Up by Marxism, and if you arent willing to go their speed, you’re not getting S at ALL. and i wasnt willing to be a virgin forever. so i sucked it up hahahaha grinned and beared it with the beautiful teenage slut hahahahahaha and im kinda glad i did because after i became an older adult, i never got the chance again. so i practically still am a V hahahaha. i only had secs with 1 gurl, 2 times, and thats all folks hahahaha. i had a chance with 1 other gurl but i wanted to “take it slow” with her. then she dumped me soon after and i regret not banging her when i had the 1 chance.  the end.

but yeah i should really do my own moon man raps where i encourage serious neoreaction stuff. thats the thing. there are many different people involved in moonman, there is really no barrier to entry, anyone can do a moonman rap, and i am SURE some “nRx” (neoreaction) types have taken notice, the way he blatantly calls out social justice warriors and feminists and his supporters prob intersect a lot with /pol.

and i agree that ridiculous over the top shock value (eg “k1lling n199ers”)  is a core part of his identity. but that need not be mutually exclusive with wholesome traditional reactionary morals like faith, family, and folk hahahahaha. blood and soil and honor hahahaha.

also song parodies are becoming more and more popular with the nRx so that is kewl. moonman is similar but different. he does some parodies based off of well known rap songs but i would say it is more about getting his moonman message across.

sigggghhhhh. seemingly mundane things were special to me, just spending time with her, going to fooking wendys and sitting in the car talking, and her sharing things with me. this is when i know she cared about me. and of course at the end she couldnt even write one goddamn email to talk abotu her decision to remove me from her life.

she used to be able to communicate with me! talk about her feelings!

i listend to this marriage 2.0 tedx talk by a lmft where they talked back to several popular “myths” such as “never go to bed angry”, “be prepared to compromise”, “it takes two.” no she said it takes ONE, you need to change you attitude and your expectations and what you want.

yeah right. i am gonna change my expectations to i expect my wife to be a cold loveless bitch to me and then i will be happy when she is a cold loveless bitch. the person did not explain the tedx talk very well.

well she did not encourage cucking which i thought she was and was the reason i listened to it.

like, make your wife haaaaaaaaappy by saying ok darling when she wants to go fook other men.

so yeah the talk did not make much sense. course nothing makes much sense to me hahaha.