wed oct 18

march 2

commander rockwell at brown u in spring 1966, good sound quality

ok i was looking for a formal DEBATE, here is a long one with rockwell vs stokely carmichael, the famous black panther. NICE! i would guess that both groups would more or less agree on the need for Ethnonationalism. In other words, huhwhyte nationalists arent trying to stop black nationalists and support all peoples right to be nationalists

moderator is interrupting way too much, annoying, like tv news hahaha.

but yeah i need ot listen to more DEBATES. so i can get into more debates myself and WIN them. or at least feel good about how i performed hahaha. not at all close to being there. nothing but room for improvement.

valium party tonight, plan on taking 3. took 1 at around 420 hahaha. about to take another one in 15 minutes at 7 pm. then take another around 930.  then take a benedryl and go to bed.

so, was malcolm x joo wise? carmichael? thats a necessary step for nationalists of ANY race.

another thing i dont understand is how any woman who has had a baby can still be pro abortion and not vehemently against abortion.

heh. i was considering renting a car and driving 300 miles to see iron maiden in the summer. probably wont. but i def thought about it for a while. ideally they would play closer than 300 miles away. DAMN. in 2015 or early 2016 they did, but i was only as 1% as hot on maiden as i am now, and i am really kicking myself for missing that bucket list show.

i suppose drinking coffee along with muh 3 valiums defeats the purpose. i luv coffee though hahahaha. i would luv to drink coffee with a heap of strong MJ butter in it hahahaha. another bucket list thing.

poker tables dying down. played for quite a while, mainly lost. not a lot but no good big pots. what am i doing wrong? not betting aggressively enough?

take another valium in 15 mins. switched from iron maiden live to saor live:

not as good sound of course, would love to hear more professional audio on a saor live show. it cant be that hard.

similar to maiden, this is pretty feelgood, confidence-inspiring, alpha-male music.

valium is actually really cheap at the pharmacy. under 10 dollars for 60 tablets. i am more than ok with that. i could probably get an rx next time i go to the doc in aug. feel much more comfortable with that than trying to lie and get pain pills hahaha or asking the doc if they do MMJ recs, which they prob dont. besides i have a long history of anxiety and have gotten valium rx before, so i have more legit reasons hehehe. would just be concerned they would give me a super low rx, like 10 tablets a month or something.

ok had the 3rd valium taking me up to 15 mg for the day. i have read some internet forum saying you should ideally take 20 mg all at once (4 tabs) to really feel anything. right now i feel okay. pretty relaxed, mind is not really with thoughts and that always good. just enjoying saor in addition to maiden hehehe.

PLENTY of people have NO desire to do MJ. they just like drinking in moderation here and there, or not even that, they have no desire for MJ, drugs, alcohol, valium, nyquil, benedryl, ANYTHING. kinda jelly of them. all the time i am thinking about MJ. i guess its better than thinking about That Woman! interesting epiphany: at this time, i very probably think about MJ more than i think about her. i don’t think about her that much anymore thank GOD. but i think about MJ a LOT. every day.

what if some creep on the internet ordered a ton of drugs on the darknet and sent it to my home hehehehe in an attempt to get me busted. has that ever happened to ANYONE? some of the bigger dnm guys are sending out like 20 packages of stinky MJ EVERY DAY. how do they not get caught? and they probably have a LOT more risk than the people receiving the packages. cuz you cant really prove that you ordered the stuff. maybe you have an enemy out there who is trying to frame you.

heh. valium might actually be cheaper than benedryl. i think i might take a 4th valium right now. i mean this is kinda my last hurrah. i plan on cutting back in the very near future.  fook yeah. lets do it.

ok so i did it, took an unprecedented 4th valium. i mean i am honestly serious about cutting back starting very soon. and i still have a ton left. absolutely worse case scenario, i get some more in august at a very nice price. prob wont even start running low by then but if i do, i will save them for emergencies only. ie going out to socialize. i am very grateful to be in a job now where i dont even have to worry about taking valium just to survive the workday.  thank GOD. and i was too scared to take even 1 valium on those workdays. but i totally should have. it would have made it just a little bit easier.

shit. wish i didnt have a DRINKING PROBLEM so that i could have drank alcohol and actually Enjoyed it Semi-Responsibly well into my 30s and 40s and beyond, rather than being SO irresponsible with it in my 20s that i had to give it up ENTIRELY. so now im stuck wtih valium and MJ an benedryl. i would not be adverse to opiods either hehehe.

oxycodone is cheap af, oxycontin is not hahahaha. i guess roxycodone is same as oyxcodone. also fairly cheap…..with an rx.

i have heard that the same shit on less legit markets can cost you 60 times what you would pay at a pharmacy. so in other words, get an rx for 60 dollars then turn around and sell it to junkies for 3600 dollars.

is it REALLY that HARD to get an oxy/roxy rx from a shady doctor? that the same pills that are CHEAP at a pharmacy are INSANELY expensive on the street? it just doesnt seem worf it. it seems like it would be more worf it trying to scam shady doctors at “pain clinics”. a lot cheaper.

shit even VALIUM seems like it could be sold at 4 times the rx value. now thats no 60 times but its still yuge, i mean even normal retailers dont mark their shit up 100%, let alone 400%, let alone 6000%!!!!!!!!

so i just took 8 dollars worth of valium today. was it worf it? fook no! if i took 8 dollars of alcohol or even 8 dollars worth of MJ i would be out of my mind. but i actually spent more like 2 dollars on this vlaium. i guess thats a lot more worth it hahaha.

i guess its even cheaper to get large dose pills and splt them in half, according to goodrx.com which ive been referencing here. and possibly another more controversial site to estimate street prices hehehehe.

moral of the story: i need to find an unscrupulous doctor to write me large prescriptions for oxys and valiums hahaha. then get them CHEAP. and i bet that same unscrupulous dr might be willing to write an MMJ recommendation as well. did anyone ever think of this? going to shady pain doctors for MMJ recs?

maybe if i got hooked on pain pills that would be a legit reason to get an MMJ rec hahaha. but what if yu dont have ACTUAL pain, you are just hooked on pain pills?

hehehe i am actually considering abusing pain pills just so i can use that to build my case to get an MMJ card hahahahahahaha. how ridic is that.  see i MUST be in pain because ive been on these pain pills for months! and the SIDE EFFECTS from these drugs are painful, so give me MMJ. problem solved hahahaha.

god damn this jooish scheming for a jooish drug is really DEGENERATE.

so WHY ARE legal rxs of drugs like oxycodone so much ridiculously cheaper than the street versions of these same drugs? i mean they are the exact same drugs. its not like heroin getting cut with fentanyl, which believe me, is also a huge thing. maybe that would be cheaper than trying to buy Black Market oxycodone…..but def not cheaper than buying doc-prescribed oxycodone, which is DIRT CHEEP.

this suggests that its REALLY HARD to get a doc to write a script for these drugs. because probably they are being watched on how much they prescribe of a controlled substance. we all know doctors who have been convicted of crimes and sent to jail because they were prescribing too much oxys basically. cuz the second they prescribe them, the FEDS KNOW. so you can’t prescribe too much because the FEDS WILL KNOW IMMEDIATELY. databases and computers and clouds and shit.

not sure if the feds care as much about benzos like valium….but those still have a big markup on the black market.

basically one 5 mg valium is kinda like drinking 1.5 beers or less.

not very happy but still i like it more the more i listen to it. obv listened to this because i was listening to saor. this is remarkably diferent really. but still very good. much much darker. but still very very relaxing and chill. yet sorrowful and freezing. gets right back to the roots like burzum, any boorrtzum fan should enjoy this. and boy do i. the sorrowful, wistful, yearning melodies reach directly into your soul. very moving. very emo hahahaha.

oh yeah varg did a new long video about his year in iraq, very interesting and great video, certainly many people were wondering about that, and he told the story in a nice longer 25 minute video THANKS UNCLE VARG hahahaha.

but seriously its a great thing to be able to tell a good STORY. we need good stories and good storytellers. unfortunately ive never been able to do this….although ive desperately wanted to.

in a way, this blog is a rambling, 1433 page story hahahaha.

but also i havent experienced much that would MAKE a good story. pathetic, sad, unsympathetic stories, sure. like wow this guy is a loser and he sounds like an asshole too. get him away from me. take him away, this guy is totally worthless and useless.

had a weird dream last night where this gurl was throwing herself at me. she wasnt super qt, kinda potatoey, super crazy, but she was hwyte and under 25, so i was like ok fine, ill probably regret not taking this chance, so i did it, and it was all a setup fo some bullyboys to video tape me banging this “fat crazy skank” and make fun of me and put the video on the internet to humiliate me. (but wheres the shame in banging a 25 year old white gurl, even if she is fat and crazy?)

i then basically spent the rest of the dream whining “STOP BULLYING ME” to Cool Guys who were making fun of me. there was a brief period in grade school where i sorta felt like this, but nothing  worse than average i’d say. the dream was not pleasant though, i was just trying to get away from all the people mocking and making fun of me, but they were EVERYWHERE, and i felt very weak and angry and upset. also felt like i was drunk or drugged, and that was how i got roped into this stupid situation to begin with. somebody drugged me and then made me humiliate myself.

this could be because i had been a pill popping maniac the day before, taking an obscene 4 valium (20 mg total) and 2 ebendryl. so yeah i was in a deep kind of drugged sleep. but did not have really much of a hangover. and i went to bed late and got up earlier than you would expect. its “only” 12 pm now and i feel fine, no real hangover, just like welp maybe i could have slept a few more hours, but i had errands i wanted to do in the morning today. and i did them.

buying oxycodone or valium on the Street is expensive as fook. much worse value than buying MJ.  or alcohol. but i cant drink alcohol. and i want so badly to do mj. but i cant get it, all i have is valium. so i will enjoy the valium as much as i can. mainly on friday nights to partay on the start of my wekeend.

also i may be irritable because i am cutting way back on cigarets starting right now. hasnt gotten too bad. yet. for about a month i boosted up the cigarets significantly, now i want to get it back to the level they were at before, which was like less than one pack a week, with some days no cigarets at all.

ok roxicodone is a brand name of oxycodone and even the legal version of it is super goddamn expensive. generic oxycodone is muuchhhhhhh cheaper. a great deal, even.

how about trying to melt peanut butter in coffee? sounds weird but i dont think its any weirder than melter regular butter in coffee like i am drinking right now. bulletproof hahahaha. plus peanut butter has actual protein in it which i salways good.

heh. saw a guy who was selling 2 oz of MJ for 200 dollars. he said it wasnt the highest quality so dont complain about that, just enjoy the huge quantity for the price. no sorry it was 100 dollars. ARE YOU FOOKING KIDDING ME???? that really sounds too good to be true, unless it were the absolute worst birck dirtMJ lowest tier bottom of the barrel “schwag” you would find before “kind buds” een became a thing in the 2000s. there was a picture and it didnt really look that that, it looked fine.  i was like damn i would buy that RIGHT NOW if  could just give the money to a person and have them meet me and give me those goods. or me stop by their place and pick it up.

to see all these terrible deals on valium and pain pills and then this great deal on MJ. yes its prob low quality but i want to believe it would be closer to “mids” than “schwag”!

take this song and speed it DOWN by at least 25%. 50% would be ok if it didnt sound so damn distorted. that main first riff sounds better when it is slower. and its already not fast to begin with. they hinted at this on “origin of the feces” playing that riff once, super slow, but they didn’t capitalize on it enough IMHO.

actually it sounds ok at 50%, i got used to the distortion hahahaha. whole damn song. fast parts sound good slow too.

there is a super duper ridiculously nice huge park about 11 miles from my house which i should really go to at least once a week during the summer but i havent gone their in YEARS. this is really SAD. SAD. there are MILES of nature trails and wooded areas, a lake, i think a small beach, its clean and well regarded and not full of trash, there is a golf course, disc golf course, its literally huge. thousands of acres. yet i never go there. SAD. i mean ive been there but i should be going there at LEAST once a month. it does cost 10 dollars per car to get in though. it would be worthwhile to get a yearly pass for like 30 bucks then go once a week, twice a week during the summer. take muh plates up there and do MJ, benzos, and opioids with them and bang them in the forest hahahaha.  or find a nice hwyte hwyfu to walk around and have a Connection with whilst smokin MJ hahahaha and she wasnt thinking oh god this is lame this guy is lame i wish i was here with some cooler guy, welp this is the last time i do this.

http://www.city-data.com/forum/real-estate/1663768-building-home-acreage-where-start.html

see i would want to move where the white suburbs start to become officially boondocks, so i am not more than 10 miles from the nearest walmart in other words. and then have like 2 to 10 acres of land. with a small house on it, possibly a hwyte pride single wide trailer. not a big expensive house. just a small but sturdy house on a Couple Acres of land so i can go Out Back and go Shooting and puff MJ and maybe have a Boondocks Bonfire Party. make some noise and not be disturbing people. ideally enough space and privacy to play loud drums and black metal guitars without disturbing the neighbors. maybe have a small wooded area nearby where i could build a lean to and do MJ and be at one with nature. a crick. deer and rabbits and shit.  i would be 10 miles away from walmart and 30 miles away from the nearest nonwhite. my house would be small and hopefully as few costs as possible. but what about property taxes on the land. damn. i dont need a basement. i dont need 2 living rooms. i dont need 3 bedrooms. i just want 1 living room, 1 bedroom, maybe a smaller bedroom for kids and guests. maybe a small garage to put a car during the winter. i guess close enough to civilization so it wouldnt be a YUGE problem getting electricity, gas, water. nearest neighbor is at least half a mile away. maybe a country bar where the white men go on the weekends and sing country songs on karaoke. a place where everyone wears camo and owns guns. maybe in a place that doesnt get super duper cold. west virginia, kentucky, tennessee, carolina, appalachia, this seems like a good area.

i do google street view on some interesting neghborhoods where shit starts getting boondocky and there are lots of lebensraum between houses…..and the few houses are STILL gaudy mcmansions. people who wanted to live in the boondocks like me, which is smart…..but also want big stupid jooish mcmansions, which is jooish. i mean evne if i had that kind of money i wouldnt want that. dont average working class people live out here in average, small, working class houses? how about a small 1000 sq ft house? thats what i am talking about.

tiny houses are gay, big houses are jooish, SMALL houses are just right. 1000 sq feet. 900. not sure where it becomes tiny. prob wouldnt want to go below 600. i guess tiny is below 500. ok so just give me 900. current home is….about 1300 sq ft. way too big. could easily go down to 1000. previous home where i spent childhood was about 800 sq ft. perfect size. not sure if this included the basement and the second floor. so yeah. 800 is the perfect size. back in the good old days, houses used to be closer to 800 sq ft than 3000 sq ft mcmansions. fook that shit. like these people can afford those anyway. that is why they are paying like 5000 dollars a month on a jooish mortgage and end up foreclosing.

how do you get a single wide trailer thats not in a trailer park, ie packed in like sardines with other trailer trash? do you “just” buy land in the country, like 2 acres at least, and then build a small house or small manufactured home/trailer on top of it? probably. i wouldnt mind living in a small trailer but i dont want to live in a trailer PARK with a bunch of trailer trash on meth and booze and drugs and having mudshark kids and at best, smokin too much weed and being fat and obese and just stupid worst whites ever. we can do better than this. of course this is what fatherlessness does even to white people.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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IRON MAIDEN EVERY DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY

feb 22

milo resigning. i think i already mentioned this. as trs says, we didnt realize the MSM lugenpresse thought pedophilia was a bad thing hahahaha. i guess they hate rightists even MORE than they LUV joos and degeneracy! wow!

taing benedryl today, did not sleep well last night unfort. today got a new project, well, technically was reminded of an old project that i forgot about. basically i need to “Create Some Documentation” for this device that I dont know how to use, so I have to figure out how to use it, write up some FAQs and How Tos and Fact Sheet and a report or something. produce our own documentation on how to use this thing. i can def source heavily from the manufacturer. big part of it is also teaching myself how to use android and ios, which is hilarious that ive never owned a smart phone,. basically every random normie 80 IQ is an expert at android OR ios because every normie has a phone! i do not have a smart phone so all this is news to me.

i dont see the value in the device. i think its too expensive and no one uses it because no one knows how. well….other people in our office do, but we gotta essentially try to SELL IT to our “clients”, and i use these terms very loosely. i dont REALLY need to SELL this overpriced thing. weve already wasted the money on it. now we just gotta convince people to use it. which imho is tricky enough. and imho there is easier, cheaper ways of doing a similar thing. real weird position to have a budget to by Tech Toys no one really NEEDS and then convince them to get Value out of it hahaha. and i cant really tell muh manager yeah no ones gonna use this, just cancel our subscription when this year is up because its a waste of money. but i should try to find some Usage Stats and include that in my Report. be like hey this thing is being used once a year and its costing us 200 dollars a year.

basically just busywork makework, not really adding value. real adding value would be never buying the thing in the first place!

its just WEIRD to be in this position, never expected to be in a place that was this FLUSH with CASH to spend on shit you dont really need, rather than trying to CUT COSTS EVERYWHERE and sending people home early and doing away with Quality.  but thankfully The Union wont let them send people home early, guarantees people X number of hours a week.

i am still learning the basics, like how our department adds any value at all. why are we NEEDED. just fire everyone and we could still get out a low quality product. does quality really matter THAT much? was the bad lesson i learned from my prevous job.

and the answer obviously is, YES IT DOES, when your product means fixing broken shit, and you don’t fix it.

but here we’re not really fixing shit. we are basically window dressing on a product that could get by without us. it would be a lot less presentable, but it would prob still SELL, and would still WORK. its like buying a kia vs a cadillac. do our Customers really need Cadillacs? well they arent really paying cadillac prices though. so where the hell do we get this money? other departments get federal grants. we could very possibly get fed grants but i cant name them. always forget to ask about that. i should ask about it. show the manager that i care how shit is run hahahaha. not that i want to take his job, not that I COULD, but to show I Think Like A Leader.

ok did some more at-home work on muh job project. going to bed at 8 instead of 7 because 7 was too early yesterday. took 2 benedryls tho today: one at 3ish, another at 5ish.

George is up to video FIVE on his 20 minute q and a responses. he’s HAD to have answered my questions in there, mentioned me. I am SCARED to listen. I might give it a few more weeks till I am less scared. he can email me if he wants, he has muh topkek topsecret email.

GOOD GOD I got an email from GREG JOHNSON hahahahaha personally thanking me for a donation I gave in december. Actually TWO emails ten days apart. WTF do I even say to that. I quickly send him a blabbering message back saying no, thank YOU, hahaha. I was just surprised that he’d send me an email for a damn paltry 5 dollar donation! What a Top Goy!!!!

Greg Johnson. Grindr Greggy, sending ME an email, hahaha, thats just ridiculous. I dont even care if hes a gay hahahahaha. guy’s done some great, unimpeachable work, and he was one of the first people I read when getting into This Huhwyte thing.

feb 23

greg johnson. say what you will about his private life, but that was a very HUHWHYTE thing of him to do, thank widdle ol neet me for a goddam 5 dollar dnation. just for that I will visit CC for the first time in months, find a great new interview hes doing with kievsky, one of muh oldskool fav guys, and think seriously about getting gregs nice hwyte country book. he is a great writer in addition to a good speaker/conversationalist.

real good guy greg hahahaha. does anybody even remember that meme. its still a good meme.

steve bannon speaking at cpac. nice. i would like to hear alot more of bannon speaking. not because i’m suspicious of him, but i think i would really like him even more than i expected. but shit, if he is suspicious, id want to know about that too. i just hope he is a YUGE badass, and unfort we often forget he’s there. never forget!

HAVE YOU LISTENED TO YOUR DAILY DOSE OF IRON MAIDEN TODAY?

I was not joking when I said IRON MAIDEN EVERY DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY. it IMPROVES YOUR HEALTH.

This was actually the second Maiden album I ever got, after “Powerslave.” I saw Killers in the used CD section and got it. Not sure if I realized Dianno was on it. at any rate, he sounds GREAT. it’s pointless to compare him and bruce. both are great. ok, bruce is better, but i don’t think bruce would have fit on this album, and I think dianno could have have a good effort on later maiden. he has a great, masculine voice, brings out the masculine energy of the music very well. more of a tough guy than bruce. i mean i hate to say he’s MORE masculine because bruce is pretty damn masculine.

havent listened enough to the debut but killers seems to be the way stronger dianno album.

and it more than accomplishes the Health Benefits of Maiden: ie, Upping Your Confidence. UP THE IRONS, UP YOUR CONFIDENCE. high-energy, feel-good, masculine, confident, pulse-pounding music that makes you feel very alive. hard rocking. no mopey navel gazing. no negative emotions. good vibes all around.

not that i dislike sad music at all! but i prob enjoy too MUCH of it, and need more Happy Music! and so do you!

there is NOTHING wrong with Dianno era maiden. would be great at the GYM for POWERLIFTING and POWER SPRINTS.

now i’m obsessing about this darn job-related documentation project. in a good way, I think. but yeah def spending a lot of TIME on it, outside of job, no less. people better be impressed hahahahaha. write me a good reference for this one. i dont feel super pressured, feel more like a detective on the verge of cracking the case. in other words, feel good not bad, thank GOD. ACTUALLY LEARNING something and figuring something out. It takes some struggling with the concepts though. But this is NORMAL. But I tell you, I REALLLLLLY hate struggling with something and NOT learning it, and remaining in a state of confusion. that was the bulk of my last job. it made me doubt my ability to LEARN things. i felt like I had a LEARNING DISABILITY. And thought shit, maybe I still DO have a learning disablity. from sm0king all that MJ, and drinking too much when I was young, and also from having a super confusing job for over a year, combined with a year and a half of mind-numbing NEETness. It’s amazing my brain still works AT ALL and that I could learn something as simple as 1+1. But today I learned something. Not something super complicated. pretty embarrassing i had to struggle for a whole day with such a simple concept. WELP THAT JUST PROVES IM AN IDIOT. Thankfully I don’t really feel that way. Well if they think I’m an idiot…..I mean I was name dropping Bunuel today in reference to Dali, and I actually knew this architect this other guy was talking about. if were a total idiot I wouldnt know these names hahahahahahaha. It might just take me a day to learn a very simple technical concept, like you don’t plug this thing into that thing, it won’t work correctly. And I wanted to work with TECHNOLOGY????!!?!?!?!?!?!!? I was actually pretty good at it though. but the LEARNING CURVE was absolutely BRUTAL and VERY hard to SURVIVE.

i cant overstate how bad that year and a half of neetness was for my brain. i mean i HATE FEELING LIKE AN IDIOT. I USED to be pretty smart, I SWEAR. PLEASE BELIEVE ME!!!!!

feb 24

please respond! please believe me! please give me the benefit of the doubt! please treat me like a human being! please! I beg you! im not an idiot and im not a weird monster!

hahahaha. ok weekend. obv would luv huge thing of you know what. degenerate. bbbbbut i just want to get it out of muh system. give me one big bag o degen and thats it for a good while.

so in protest i have taken a benedryl, will take 2 valium  and 1 more benedryl with about 2 hours in between each.

ooooh sventh son has done his first post doxing video with face. very nice. would like to see moar. tons of great banter in the comments about him not being hwyte hahahaha. he is even more charming when he shows his face hahaha.

heh. tfw you go to dailystormer for the first time in a few weeks and see he has an official tshirt so you have to buy it now. it’s not the greatest design but these campaigns are limited time only. hope he doesnt come out with a better design immediately after this one closes.

oh dear god hahahahahahahaha. his first video AFAIK directly addressing MGTOW. is MGTOW even a thing any more? kind of embarrassing that I identified with it….like FOUR YEARS AGO hahahaha. to be MGTOW in current year is simple naive at best and J at worst.  see the mgtows bitching at varg in the comments, you can see how pathetic mgtow is.

took valium 1 at 630 pm. settling in with coffee and water and no one at the poker tables, damn. listened to abunch of yt vidyas at 1.5 and 2x speed. george feels you can do at 2x hahaha. hey im not hating. im a very slow talker to, i sound a lot better at 1.5 at LEAST.  wish i could do that in real life. might make me sound like less of a tongue tied idiot. only when im in interviews do i talk fast. still sound like a tongue tied idiot though.

oh god. came so close. i actually watched matress girl emma sulky’s retarded “raep” video for a few minutes today, i mean i had seen it when she first did it. she is not even attractive, but i would prob still bone her because she is an early 20s and non obese. and i get really titillated by scenes where the girl is on top and grinding her ass into the guy as he fooks her. great visual. i would really have fun with something like that. thank GOD i turned it off before i got too stimulated. i mean really? chinese joo mattress girl doing fake art that is closer to porn than art? however i almost wanted to jerk off to it to condemn her for being such a dirty disgusting dishonorable joo making a perversion of secs. it honestly cant be called “porn”, but it absoultely CAN be called mind-bogglinging jooish. layers and layers of jooish inception. thank GOD i did not jerk off to it, because then SHE would have won with her jooish filth. that isn’t TECHNICALLY porn, its more of a jooish perversion of Art and Aesthetics and Truth. not that porn isnt a jooish perversion.  but my god her artists statement on that video. read that fookin statement. dont watch any of the video unless you promise not to jerk off to it. cuz then the joo and their lies WIN, and you LOSE.

maybe i wanted an excuse to jerk off to something that wasnt “technical” porn.

wow. ALMOST slid down the slippery slope there. kinda disappointed i even took a step down that path, but glad i turned back. i mean it would be better to just jerk off to pictures of aryan women in wheatfields hahahaha. i mean i just feel kinda HORNY for ONCE, probably partially due to Weekend Party Time.

the title song is so good and i want seventh son to do a version of it. i would totally do it at karaoke. might have to do karaoke tomorrow. im thinking iron maiden, dio, danzig, maybe tom petty.

is steve miller a poor mans tom petty? is that unfair to steve miller? maybe he is a middle class mans tom petty hahahaha.

oooh nice been having a hot streak today:

2017-02-24-20_04_36-carom-0-01_0-02-no-limit-holdem-replay-14812328

well played but he culd have beat me. on one of my long cold streaks, he would have. and i have been cold a lot more than ive been warm! im 100 dollars in the hole all time!

https://smerffelectrical.com/smerff

this is what we need a LOT more of. this is a real guy named smerff in straya who is an electrician with his own electrician business. and on his business website he blatant says pro-white things and says he is a proud sponsor of daily stormer, who also proudly links him on their site. fookin awesome. we need stormer/white-supporting BUSINESSES in EVERY town.

his twitter account has been suspended. smerff. stormer’s was banned years ago haha.

i mean this guy makes no bones about his vehement pro-whyteness on his website, his facebook page, surprised that’s not banned.

check out the site. he employs at least seven proud white men and has classic aussie banter. does not tone anything down to try to increase his business. he obvious does well and STILL has STRONGLY pro-whyte message. amazing. terrific! this is awesome and we need companies like this in every town in the US, straya, the hwyte world.

see their contact information and tell them how awesome they are. send them money for doing no work. in a way this is even better than great journalism like stormer or TRS. they are out in the community providing hugely valuable electrician and AC service ANNNDDDDDD spreading a very positive pro-whyte message to their customers. i cant even wrap my mind around this, i have to sleep on it hahahaha.

daily stormer tshirt hehehe. apparently the company isnt actually alt right or pro white, but SO pro freedom of speech they will print pro white shirts as well as awful BLM and pro-abortion shirts. hmm. i was hoping it wouldnt be like that. i dont want to support baby murderers. but it is pretty good for a FREEZE PEACH advocate to actually not be a lying hypocrite when it comes to pro hwyte stuff. most freeze peach joos are anti freeze peach when it comes to HWYTES.

welp hope he doesnt sell my name and address hahahahaha. i mean it would never stand up in court hahaha unless he were subpoenaed for my name hahaha. which isnt gonna happen. what am i a lawyer all of a sudden?

i mean the chances of me not getting a job because somebody spilled the beans about me on an internet site that i bought a daily stormer (and trs) shirt……i dunno i just dont see it happening.

took valium 2 around 9pm

i sometimes have post titles that have nothing to do with the content, just saved from perhaps long before. did this with about 3 posts recently. 80% of posts I try to have somewhat relevant titles hahahaha.

the hacker wars, been meaning to watch this. large part from weev, dont think he talks about hwyte stuff tho. but hes def thinking it hahaha. he’s just a really interesting smart guy.

https://directory.libsyn.com/episode/index/show/illusionofsanity/id/4710977

weev on illusion of sanity 2016, alawites. a harder to find interview hehehe. have to use a libsyn downloaded to download it.

trying to find and follow all the pro-hwyte hwytes on gab hehehe. did my first repost today re the daily stormer shirt

yeah the two valiums dont do much but i guess its nicer than the alternative hahaha. the alternative being absolutely nothing. a bag of MJ would be so much better tho. but kind of scary to think that MJ is 600000000000 times more power than VALIUM, which is well known as a habit forming, addictive drug that can K you in super large doses. well im clearly not taking enough! should I take a third? but its already almost 11pm and i am getting tired and it would just be a waste. if i had MJ i would certainly be blazing it all day until the moment i crashed into oblivion.

yeah but at this time in the short term, isnt the valium in infinitely greater supply than the MJ? meaning, i have 80 valiums and 0 MJ.

heh. listening to NOTHING but iron maiden the past week. been pretty productive there.  whoops havent listened to the early 90s albums. ok putting on “no prayer for the dying”, which came right after 7th son. people crap on this album but it doesnt sound immediately horrible hahaha.

hmm well i made executive decsion and took valium #3 at 11pm just now. maybe it will be a waste, but i do have a lot. once i get down to like 10 then i will save them for “emergencies only”, for example, going out to a social function, or god forbid a “date”, or a job interview, or maybe a big Job Presentation. don’t think I will have to do any serious presentations for a while tho. if ever. i mean it would be a good thing to have that kind of responsibility and actually do an average job on it. good for resume, good for future interviews.

heh. started playing around with zillow to see where i you could get a “cheap”, small home in a somewhat hwyte boondocky area. basically get a trailer. white pride single wide (credit fatherland jim.) get good deals here but wonder about the white trash in close proximity. i believe that hwyte trash is better than black trash, although the Opioid and Meth Epidemics are making the hwyte trash even worse. why dont they have trailers that are on like an acre of land and dont have other trailers 10 feet away. but then you would basically be paying as much for the land as you are the trailer. trying to understand mortgages, 30 year fixed rate, 5/1 ARMs, etc. they should teach this in middle school or first year of high school. no later than age 14.

1 am here. should go to bed. been up since 5 am. meaning i have been awake for 20 hours. pretty serious. might take a benedryl just to be ultra idiotic. a pill popping machine on friday party night. 3 valiums and 2 benedryls. that can’t be good. but you could make an argument that its better than MJ! or is it? i mean im not so incoherent i cant type or look at zillow for 45 minutes hahaha.

i might actually be a good Real Estate guy. cuz i am very interested in finding decent homes at a good price and especially in good, safe, hwyte neighborhoods. but i would want to be honest and not bamboozle people into jooish mortgages. cuz it honestly is confusing. predatory lending. and i cant figure out what is the best deal. 30 year fixed is higher payment but supposedly more stable over the long term. so you pay extra for “piece of mind.” i kinda like that. but i certainly wouldnt want to live in the trailer for 30 years. 5/1 is built for people who want to move within 5 years. uhhh do they have a 10/1? i might like that better hehehehe.

ideally you just buy the house outright with cash. show up with 20 grand cash and buy the 20 grand house. but there is also homeowners insurance and property taxes. why cant they just include this in the price of the house. why cant they teach this stuff in high school instead of fookin english and spanish and diversity social studies and more bullshit sciences like geography. teach you stuff that will actually help you live a better life. how to be smart when buying a home, getting the most bang for your buck. you can always study the stuff that interests you from the comfort of your nice little home that you are not getting jooed on. of course, why would the joos want to teach the goys how NOT to be jooed.

 

 

HAVING A GOOD JOB IS HERCULEAN ENOUGH

feb 14

got home, took benedryl, ate lunch. did not sleep ideal last night due to trying to “play catchup” with job related stuff at home. because i did not feel productive enough at job, so wanted to get more stuff done at home. good idea but dont want to get carried away. ended up going to bed at least an hour later than target. and then staying awake another hour past that due to interesting discussion on tucker carlson show hahahaha.

got thru day today, which at previous job, it was a MIRACLE from GOD just to survive ONE day at a time. dont have to worry about that here, thank GOD. before, in those dark days, i would be working FT hours and still feel the need to “play catchup” at home to study all the shit i didnt understand, prepare for the unprepareforable, wind self up, drive self crazy.  just to feel like you werent the worst most incompetent most unproductive loser there. fight to compete and survive.

and grateful that today, i dont really have anything to catch up on, and i can just take benedryl and go to bed at the ideal time. and that even though i didnt get enough sleep yesterday, it didnt make me terrible at the job today. i mean increasingly my sense of worry and dread and confusion. had barely any anxiety today. have pretty low anxiety in general for this job thank GOD.

MIGHT take another benedryl today. although i could kinda take a nap right NOW, at 324 pm.

ok took another benedryl at like 445 pm. go to bed around 7. coming up soon. 556 now. took brief powerwalk. good. sun was out, was well above freezing.

ate some velveeta shells and cheese, it was tasty and i like their stupid commercials with the wild west tough guys in the velveeta aisle, but it was a huge waste of calories. each 800 calories of that stuff and felt like you just had a tiny snack. much better to just eat a big beefburger. stay away from mac and cheese, esp velveeta, unless you want to be a FAT VIRGIN.

was thinking on my party day friday coming up i will take TWO valiums. and one benedryl. rather than two benedryls and one valium. really trying to feel the intoxicating effects of the valium hahahahaha. was comparing valium to MJ. I will take 1 valium and not feel a thing. it is like 1/4 of one puff of MJ. i want to take enough valium to feel kinda like i took a full puff of MJ hahaha. makes you think about how STRONG, how INTOXICATING, that one fecking PUFF of MJ is. enough to make you feel DEFINITE effects. not so harmless now eh stoner ph4ggots?

https://archive.is/LRe05

did i link the hatefacts library of hate yet? the master list. i will put this in the sidebar because we will all need it. when arguing with middle class shitlibs who make more money and respect than we do, on why hwytes deserve genocide for their crimes. time to step down, Powerful Man, and give all those people you’ve hurt a chance. and pay them all reparations. NOPE. its very frustrating to be IRL with an arguing shitlib and you dont have the sources at hand to refute them. well here you go.

i guess george feels wont smoke MJ because he thinks its DEGENERATE. well thats a damn good reason. i think its degenerate too, but i want to smoke it. and i am no special snowflake. its STILL degenerate. but i accept I WANT it. but there are things that are far more degenerate, like DRINKING, or eating too much, or PORN, or vidya. i just see it as a pretty good reward or reinforcement.

brand new epsiode of the krypto report, with andrew anglin joining azzmador and ken once again. WOW. wonder how long this will stay on soundcloud. i bet its gone before may 14 2017 hehehehe. 3 months. but its a great show. all these guys are so great. give them bitcoin. i will give them some soon.

theoretically, the state could set up a law for retail MJ shops at the same time they set up laws regulating Medical MJ dispensaries, so when they legalize MJ, they will have a framework to start selling MJ retail on DAY 1. this of course will never happen, its too much effort/work for one thing.

it would be funny if TRVMP legalized MJ because he thought it would be good for business/economy hahaha. which it would. but would it make less money than law enforcement, pharm companies, and cartels are making now because of illegal drugs? yeah probably. therefore it will never be legalized hahaha. but it HAS been legalized in like 6 states!!!!

and in most of those you are still gonna wait at least another year before you can actually BUY it.  well i wonder if you could buy from a “caregiver.” they are all licensed the same way medical MJ patients are….right? in a way that dispensaries DONT really have. right?

so, only hwytes can be racist because hwytes are in POWER and have used their power to oppress and hurt all nonwhytes, therefore, hwytes need to PAY THE PRICE for all the wrongs they have done throughout history. the hwyte race DESERVES TO SUFFER. this is literally the core of what antihwyte antiracists believe. what it all boils down to. you cant be racist against your oppressor! you hating them is just JUSTICE, the appropriate response to their injustice against you!

you could easily get an average hwyte shitlib to agree with that! to agree that their own race deserves to suffer! these people simply feel ABSOLUTELY NO allegiance or kinship or even the fooking barest fooking CONNECTION to their race whatsoever, and I bet they would damn tell you that! nope, being hwyte means NOTHING to me, in fact it has negative connotations for how shitty hwytes as a race have been, and i dont want any part of that. thats what hwytes are, COUNT ME OUT.

i guess its really hard to CONVINCE people to FEEL something for their race when they just dont. it’s like trying to convince somebody to love their children…..but they JUST DONT. and what would you say about those people? that they are hopelessly broken and fooked up and kind of a monster hahahahaha. what kind of person doesnt care about their CHILDREN?

not caring for your race is a LITTLE more benign, ie, just plain NAIVE, and not necessarily MALICIOUS. maybe give them the benefit of the doubt bc they just DONT KNOW ANY BETTER.

but some of them do. some of them, when confronted, will say. no. thats bullshit. why should i feel any connection to these white monsters? i dont want any part of that. how can you feel any connection to race when 1. race isnt real, its socially constructed  and 2. whites have done far more harm than any other “race” in history?

people who think like that, they’re a little bit worse than just naive, and dont give them the benefit of the doubt. just let them go hahahahaha.

feb 16

wewlad off for a huge weekend and would really really luv a YUGE thing of MJ right now. and dont want to do this a few months from now when i should be doing a new horrendous job search. that will hopefully be better now that i am not an unemployed neet, thank GOD. george feels feels bad about being a 32 year old virgin, but being a NEET is MUCH MUCH MUCH worse. and at least he is not that!

even though i am practically a virgin, i do kinda feel glad that i’m not. at this point i have to REMIND myself that i’m not, that hey i did have SECS a couple of times 13 years ago hahahaha BUT AT LEAST IM NOT A TECHNICAL VIRGIN hhahahahahaha. no im not thankful for the woman, she was a slut who it took no skill or charm to fook, and she gave it up just as easily to many other men, i was nothign special hahahaha. but at least i got it over with and i can’t say i am a 32+ year old virgin hahaha. i am not a virgin hahahaha. you can take that to the spank bank. its hard to believe, but i am NOT a virgin hahahahaha. but i do wish i had banged some MORE sluts hahaha. i had the opportunity to bang a second woman and I did not. because i wanted to have a real rel with her and make her muh gf. bad idea hahahaha. she was not good gf material! should have just banged her.  because after THAT, i never had another good chance. if i had a chance with a slut….i would probably do it. i would be nervous and feel terrible and not really enjoy it and certainly Double Bag it and she might even not be good looking. but in the long term i would probably feel better about Increasing My Number and hopefully improving my ability to get a better woman.  but i am not motivated enough to try “ONLINE DATING” hahahaha. and i hear there are a ton of sluts on there.

tomorrow: friday. hopefully do some semi productive errands early in the day, then PARTY with two valiums later in the day.

feb 17

not bad varg, not bad. this man is a winner hehehe. he has ALREADY won. thats got to be a great way to be. to already be a winner in life and to just keep on winning on top of that. you will NOT get tired of winning. so much winning. no wonder his wife has given him FIVE children.

so yeah i generally agree with him, buying LAND is GREAT. IDEAL. ideally you should have some LAND like Varg does. Own your own land. and then ideally build your own house on it. you own your own house and own your own land. prob will still need to pay property tax to zog, but at least you still own the property.

i dont like tiny houses but i do like SMALL houses. theres no reason to have a big house. so if you can build your own small house, fan fooking tastic. you are basically a winner then. it is no small accomplishment to build a house.

and only once you do all that can you get a woman. women are so ridiculous and would not be worth it if you didnt NEED them to have children. they give themselves away for free to the worst men and you cant get them to be loyal WHATSOEVER until you have achieved ABSOLUTELY HERCULEAN feats of glory, heroism, and victory. or have become Successful and Respected in the Current Year. the “easiest” way to do so is by “just” having a good job. that is HERCULEAN ENOUGH hahahaha. then you can get a n=50 SLUT to be LOYAL to you. until she decides she wants your SHEKELS but not you hahahahahaha.

anyway sluts arent loyal anyway. find a n<6 woman to be loyal to you. but you have to be damn sure to have those herculean heroic victories under your belt FIRST. its a PREREQ.

heh why arent there more 40 year old men marrying 20 year old women. it takes a LONG TIME to become THAT successful. till youre 40, at the EARLIEST.

cant find one video with the entire winterfylleth 2nd album, the mercian sphere. this is the one that came before threnody of triumph. better production than their debut which is certainly worth listening to. but sounds like they were still developing their style which you would hear on full display on threnody. mercian sphere seems to be where that style REALLY begins. so….another TOPKEK winterfylleth album here with mercian. ENJOY. YOURE WELCOME.

slightly productive today, friday, like i wanted to be. went to store, did errands. groceries. made 30 cigarets. took benedryl 1 at 3 pm. will take 2 valiums tonight. OH YEAH. maybe another benedryl too.

started weekly buy of 10 dollars of bitcoin. maybe bring it down to 9,8,7. just want to gradually build it up because I am THAT confident that over the long term, it will stabilize at a higher price than it is now. which is pretty high.

yep pretty much OVER that woman. free at last, free at last. only took 19 months. around 600 days hahahaha. that seems appropriate. women will jump into relships and bed with the next charming man before they get over the previous guy. this is so unfair and cruel to the current man. take at LEAST a YEAR without rels, without secs, without dating, to just be single AND CELIBATE so you can get over whoever you are hung up on. it isnt supposed to happen quickly.

but yeah i have pretty much forgotten the Special Feeling of having a Special Female Friend. this really is a unique treasure that nothing else can replace. something is definitely MISSING, but enough TIME has passed that Missing That Feeling doesnt bother me so much any more. but I KNOW its still MISSING, I know I want to have it AGAIN, I KNOW what a many splendored gift from GOD it is, and I dont want to go the rest of my life wihtout it.

varg sez, if land in your country is too expensive, then move to france where land is cheaper like he did. he says its 60000000 times more expensive to live in norway and i believe him, with all the outrageous taxes taking 60% of your income, and you have much much more buying power in france. i would assume land is way more expensive in norway too. and they have shittier weather and wayyyyyy more taxes. there was a commenter complaning that in SLOVAKIA land was really expensive. i was surprised by that.

ive looked at some land in my area, and its all over the place. i cant tell exactly how expensive it is. a tiny parcel in the middle of nowhere is really expensive, a decent sized piece of commercially zoned land in the middle of suburbia is not so expensive. and what about zoning? you cant just buy random land and put a house on it.

http://www.investopedia.com/financial-edge/0610/your-property-tax-assessment-what-does-it-mean.aspx

heh. they should teach this in grade school.

lost half muh big stack in all in on AA and the chump had a straight.  i guess not surprising. i should taken the board cards more seriously. whys he calling me. yep he prob has a straight. and he did.

an acre is 43560 sq ft. 75% the size of a US football field.

fairlay.com . place bitcoin bets. apparently weev made decent money here betting on trump in the election. they have all kinds of weird bets like that.

took the valium 1 at 7 pm. listening to gris hehehehe. great singer, music is like waves of pure sadness, but can get kinda boring hahahaha. MJ or hopefully valium will help be less boring. good sound system and not shitty laptop speakers on bottom of computer would def help.

ive lost more money on Bad Beats and Bad Flops with Good Cards, than winning money on Good Beats and Good Flops with Good Cards. damn. better stop gambling hahaha.

watching dazed and confused on TV.  i really liked this movie when i was young and is prob in my top 5 of most watched movies. so i have a certain nostalgia for it. interesting i think it is intended to evoke a feel of nostalgia for ones youth. but i am seeing how degenerate these kids are. these 70s kids are just as bad as the 90s kids. but maybe not as bad as the 10s kids because  these kids all do heroin and make sex videos and bang 50 guys rather than 10 guys.

the drinking and driving is especially ridiculous.  and also people not getting paranoid as fook in very social situations when smoking MJ and still being able to talk to people rather than sit alone in the corner freaking out just wanting to be safely home alone hahahahaha. or 9th grade guys actually making out with gurls hahahahaha. you have to be a kissless virgin till you are twice as old as wooderson.

but look how degenerate they are basically worshipping MJ. loving getting stoned and being the stoopidest fooking Highons and thinking its AWESOME to be a RETARD. heh. and i think that kind of influenced me. i felt the same way. and i STILLLLLL want to do MJ every god damn day. RIGHT NOW just want to be blazed into retarded oblivion like these IDIOT DEGENERATES. only instead of hanging out with 18 yo qt gurls I would be by myself listening to black metal and playing cards and blogging hahahaha.

but it still is a fun good feelgood good feels movie and i would luv to watch it while doing MJ and cuddling with a Special Woman. never had that experience before hahahaha.

9 pm thinking about taking the big time valium #2

mitch’s older sister making out with jeremy london and then saying DONT YOU HAVE A GF…..well he is a scumbag for cheating on his GF but she is EVERY BIT AS MUCH OF A SCUMBAG for KNOWING he had a GF and LEADING him to the makeout.

the film doesnt make enough of a MORAL JUDGEMENT in places like this where it really should. but this is of course the director linklater, who i used to like, but now i realize he is a gutless relativism marxist atheist who thinks there is no right and wrong. he made a few good movies though. i would make a similar movie to dazed and confused but i would be careful to pass judgment throughout, like this is definitely degenerate, or maybe you can get a pass on this minor degeneracy of smokin some MJ, but not THAT more major degeneracy of cheating or initiating cheating, or being a fornicating sodomite.

915. second valium NAO. yep did it. i mean 1 valium is about equivalent to 1.5 beers at most. you gotta take at least 5 to feel something hehehe like getting nice and St0ned on MJ. maybe take 10 to be completed obliterated and stupefied.  and i “only” have like 80 valium left hehehehe.

but look at them in this movie just smokin MJ in EVERY SCENE and having a GREAT FUN TIME. makes you really wish you could be there doing that. at the very least you could be doing tons of MJ and making out with qt young gurls who hopefully wouldnt dump you before 5 dates and you would still be super young, like 18 or 19.

goes pretty darn well with the GRIS hehehehe. very similar vocals which is great.

ok that album was slightly boring hehehe. imho the second gris album is better. it might even be better and less boring than their first. even though it is an ungodly 2 hours long.

ok got muh minimum deposit into fairlay. but i cant figure out how it works. i also cant place tiny microbets. minimum deposit 5 mbtc, minimum bet is also 5mbtc. ummmmm.

ok i think i placed a bet that bitcoin would NOT go below 600 before march 1. i mean this seems obvious right?????? but its saying my bet is “unmatched”. and it seems like a shitload of people are betting that it WILL. which seems ridiculous. well you can cancel your bet until it is matched. i think. this is very confusing. i could very well lose my money hehehehe even though i really dont think i should.

3 valiums maybe? i am kinda treating it like i would treat mj. like wait a couple hours, YEP better go do some more until i am tired and go to bed.

no prob wont take a 3rd valium but very well might take a 2nd benedryl hehehe. just popping pills. this is reall just me being indignant and butthurt and little boy rage because i dont have MJ and I cant drink so this is the best I can do right now. or cant spend time with a special friend and get luv. MJ is a great substitute for that. dont have. i guess ideally i should have taken the first valium when i took the benedryl at 3 pm. cuz it seems a waste to take a valium right before bed. the goal is to be conscious enough to enjoy the intoxication.

 

SOCIAL SKILLS ARE SURVIVAL SKILLS

feb 2

start of The Weekend, just want to do MJ like a loser hehehe.

feels of inferiority that i am not ATTACKING my job as much as I SHOULD be, not showing as much initiative, not being CREATIVE enough, not taking charge enough. usually when i do this i am blowing things out of proportion. and i worry what they say about me when im not there, um im getting second thoughts about this new guy, he’s kind of underwhelming, i expected more, he can do better than this, what kind of damn mental problems must he have, i mean just look at the facts, how old is he again? damn. DAMN. and he obviously doesnt have strong communication skills like he said he did, everything he says is an awkward meaningless jumble of words.  im sure he doesnt have a gf. i wonder if he lives with his fam. PROBABLY. WOW. how did he ever let his life get so OFF TRACK?

that is the type of shit i worry about now hahahaha.

i just dont want the nice people to be disappointed in me because i am uhhh kinda underwhelming and dont have a yugely confident charismatic presence. i mean i try my best folks. its a day by day thing. i have only been there 2 months. is this normal hahahaha. its normal to feel like an impostor. it took at least 3-4 months before i stopped feeling like an impostor at muh old job.

heh some MJ would help take the edge off that time hehehe.

its just different. its the type of thing where people work on a bunch of medium and longer term projects, rather than very short term cases. and when i end up with Downtime, well hehehe i feel guilty, because other jobs, when you get Downtime, you dont sit there and study work related stuff, you get your HOURS CUT, you get SENT HOME EARLY, so youre not costing the company money.

well today i was given a project and it was sort of challenging but people were offering with ideas but i didnt want to BUG them, plus i had enough to get me started, so i continued down that path, presented my results at the end of the day before i left for the weekend, essentially showed some work of what i had been doing the past 3 hours hahaha. it involved me trying to figure out something i wasn’t really strong on. i just hope they werent disappointed in me in that they expected me to Totally Fix It by the end of the day. i mean im not given super urgent tasks at any rate.

i THINK its gonna be OK, but yeah. always doubts and insecurities in my MIND.

feb 3

day off.

got some walmart george 12 dollar pants, gray. classic fit, flat front. they fit perfectly and were not that horrible “modern fit” which “sits lower on the waist.” I HATE that shit. totally satisfied. would totally buy another pair, and i might do that next week to replace another pair of pants that has gotten too big for muh incredible shrinking body hahahaha. 32 waist hehehe but im sure its a little more, tape meaure says more like 33, but most companies run a little big thankfully.

struggled against satan today and WON. got up, day off, wanted to be productive and no idle, run errands, not immediately sit on the internet for hours. get something done early, first thing in the day. got good 9 hours of sleep. did not turn on tv or computer. intended to go get haircut and to walmart and other store. felt anxiety and doubt but pushed self to do all those things. got nice haircut, boost in confidence, good. wanted to get new shirt for job at walmart, maybe pants. ended up getting nice shirt and pants. the pants are awesome but the shirt is a little bigger than desired. ideally will return it next week.

got groceries as well and then came home and made food to last me the next 3-5 days. AND did 1 load of laundry AND made 30 cigarets while the food cooked.  listened to new fatherland while doing the food and cigs.

and now its 543 pm, starting to get dark, and playing some cards and listening to new moonsorrow album for the first time

not bad, no surprises here. but for me i need to be in the mood, and i havent been in the mood since this album came out months ago.

ideally i would have a ton of MJ and would be blazing it like MAD right now. and similarly yesterday. but i dont. i laughed when thinking of finding a shady character at walmart and seeing if i could buy 20 dollars of MJ from a random shady black or brown person. i did not have the balls.

also i brushed teeth which i sometimes “forget” to do on day off, which i shameful.

also trimmed beard to level 2, ideally do this once every 2 weeks. last did this 2 weeks ago.

ok want old school epic metal, should listen to this hehehe. i recall the first song being awesome. and it is. varg v’s fav bathory albvm. he makes a comment here and there are shitloads of people calling him a shallow minded disgusting racist nazi and quorthon would have hated him too.  metal antiracists are the worst. go read that j trash metalsucks dot com. i thought you people prided yourself on being tough and iconoclastic and nonconformist. the best way you can do this is be a racist hahahahahahaha. and you have idiots loving a Heritage Loving band then bitching about people who say muslims get out. oh no, you get out you terrible racist, quorthon would have wanted hordes of muslims taking over europe.

well, maybe he would have, we cant say, he has been dead for years. but yeah it grinds my gears to see metal degenerates be all like yeah stabbing somebody to death and burning churches is cool, but being a racist who loves the hwyte race is so ignorant and offensive.

and i hold these “heritage metal” people to a higher standard because being Proud Of Your Heritage is really not that far from being Proud of your RACE, and willing to DEFEND it against its ENEMIES. but so many of them just shit on the idea of that second part. just bend over and get fooked. literal cuckolds hehehehe. metalcucks. bunch of pron obsessed degenerates hahaha.

heh. gay milo making big news with riots at berkeley. the next damn day people are rioting in nyc for gay gayvin mcanus hahahaha. what would they do with a REAL racist like richard spencer hahahaha. speaking of i thought he was gonna do a big college tour. he needs to have more of those like his thing at texas AM. do shit like that every week.

so yeah. glad i got a lot accomplished today rather than just neckbearding on internet.

so my gameplan was to “PARTY” tonight by taking a valium, then a little later, taking a benedryl. this could potentially be dangerous, cuz mixing anything with benzos is risky hehehehe. so thats why im gonna wait at least an hour before taking the benedryl.

had dream, erotic dream, that i was banging this qt gurl i knew tangentially in kollige, and i regret not noticing and pursuing her more. i just forgot she was there. but i might have had a chance with her because she was really nice to me the few times i did see her. and she was super duper qt. so now i occasionally have dreams about her hahahahahaha. prob always will. better her than THAT woman.

in this dream we were in the room with another person, and the qt woman was THROWING herself at me, just jumping on me, wanted to get fooked hard NAO. i was like, uhh theres somebody else in here, lets get a room i mean, then ill be happy to fook you hard. eventually i just let myself get taken in having public secs like a degen, because how do you say no to a young qt gurl. you cant. but i was like hmmm i really dont like sluts, i was hoping she wasnt like this, and god damn shes gotta be bipolar. and how long is this gonna last. shes probably gonna dump me within a month. why cant she just be a nicer, less bipolar, less degen, less slutty gurl. but oh well i might as well enjoy this for the brief time it lasts. but its gonna suck when she loses interest in me quickly. and she is REALLY interested now. but thats nothing. shes gotten like this for lots of guys. im not the first and sure wont be the last. and THIS is not gonna last. its not gonna get any better than this. damn. i hoped she was a better woman than this, i kinda liked her, had a fictional pedestal fantasy of her.

listening to newest 2015 iron maiden album book of souls. never listened. bruce still sounds great. not sure how they will hold attention for NINETY fookin minutes. WAY too long. but it sounds good so far.

meh you know what i will come back to this one hehehehe.

so took the valium. see if that even works. it is old valium. but i have like 90 of them, might as well use them while i dont have any MJ. i guess its kicking in a little bit. barely noticeable. not like MJ where you DEFINITELY notice it. how is MJ going in MA and NV right now? i know in ME they dont even have retail stores. or in CA either. i dont think. it still takes a year to get that shit set up. weak hahahaha. they dont immediaetly turn into CO overnight.

But in fact, recreational sales don’t become legal until next year. (2018). in california. ok.

n Diego legalized recreational pot dispensaries on Tuesday and the city also opened up the possibility it will allow pot farms, manufacturing facilities and testing labs.

San Diego is the first local city to approve recreational marijuana sales since state voters approved Proposition 64 in November, and no other cities in the county have indicated they intend to follow suit.

jan 2017. ok so go to san diego if you want to buy MJ.

 

until recreational dispensaries set up shop, which Metro said could happen as early as March. nevada 2017. cuz i mean vegas is a popular tourist destination and plenty of cheap flights. probably cheaper to fly to vegas than to CO.

state legislators in December passed a law delaying the sale of recreational marijuana products in approved retail dispensaries until July 2018. MA

yep. winterfylleth. signed up for songkick just so i could get a notification if they tour in the US. hehehehe. listened to the whole 1 hour album. thats a long album and its a really good sign if i can sit through the whole damn thing.  just glad to really enjoy a new band.

anyway that dream. i ultimately dont like when women throw themselves at you like slutty bipolar nymphomaniacs because that means theres something wrong with THEM, and also theyre gonna lose interest in you REALLY quickly, and that is very jarring. i mean its only happened to me once but i never forgot it hahahaha. yes that gurl was bipolar confirmed and taking lithium before the age of 20.  heh. wish i had had more time to actually have a serious discussion with her about Bipolar and how she dealt with it. but that would involve her hanging out with me for an appreciable amount of time.

thats a good sign. is a woman willing to spend a decent amount of TIME with you or do they just want to fook and LEAVE ahhaahhhaaha. thats what i liked about That Woman is that she liked me enough as a person to want to hang out with me for hours. sometimes hahaha.

i mean come on. im really not THAT lame. i might be a little boring and an underachiever, but you could do a LOT worse than spending a nice solid 4 hour hangout session with me hahahaha. smoke some MJ, watch some youtube, talk about 1387, talk about JQ, talk about degeneracy, watch some TV and talk about how degen and J it is, play some games, watch jeopardy, play some mario kart, smoke some more MJ, cuddle up and watch the decalogue hahahaha, make some food, go get some food, go for a scenic drive, go for a scenic walk in the park, watch the sunset. sounds like a fookload of fun amiright? go to an ethnic club, where hopefully you dont dump me for an alphaer guy, go to an artsy fartsy movie, go to a concert, go to an 1433 meetup where hopefully you dont dump me for an alphaer guy, go to the gym together where hopefully you dont leave me for an alphaer or blacker guy, hahahahahahahahahaha.

im secure about that because i really CANT compete with other guys for women. so if im hanging out with a woman in public where there are other Willing Guys, of course i worry that she’s gonna get a wandering eye and lose interest in me for a Better guy. also because women have historically lost interest in me really quick and gotten with other guys who they liked more.  shit yeah that is a big blow to your confidence.

and really i havent had a women interested in me in that way, even the slightest short term one month interest, in like…..holy shit TWELVE fookin years hehehehe.

but it was nice having a woman be interested in me as even Just A Friend when that happened like 3 years ago. 3 years ago might have been the peak of muh friendship with that woman. and holy shit even that is a long time ago. it doesnt feel liek that long hehehehe.

heh was a REAL BOSS today and put on track time starts on two youtube vidyas for good albums where the uploader nor any other commenters were generous enough to do that. you know. where you can click on the time and jump right to any song on the album for full album videos. hopefully will get plenty of upboats and thank you comments hahahahahaha. cuz these degen metal fans dont even think of taking 3 minutes to do this. well i wasnt any better until today, i never did this till today.

took the benedryl several hours after the valium.

went and installed f.lux on the computer to soften the harsh bright light of the screen at night time. with my tons of ram it does not have any noticeable memory footprint hehe.

george brand. for the man who wants to dress professional but also wants to buy his professional clothes at WALMART hahahahahahahahaha.

 

 

INVOLUNTARY MAKEOUTLESSNESS

may

would argue that secs with someone u like like could be considered somewhat “psychedelic” in that it makes your brain work differently, and u see the universe in a different way

maybe, i dunno, have not had secs in 10.5 years, have not cuddled with qt in 10 years hahahahahahahaha

who knows, who cares

still going off the meds, well i have like 2 tiny crumbles left haha.

how 2 get a job: LIE to them telling them what they want to hear

how 2 get a qt gf: LIE to her telling her what she wants to hear

continue the act / lie until u get fired or dumped, then repeat whole process till death lol.

hahahaha my writing is better when i am off meds

BUT its actually WORSE hahaha

involuntary makeoutlessness hahahahahahhaha

well what do wimmin want to hear

i dunno that you are the manliest man ever i guess. NOT that you are sensitive and that you listen and help with housework. that you are manly and EXCITING and alpha and make them tingle and are always being didlesired by younger, more attractive wimmin.

i usually try the “just be yourself” thing, then when that doesn’t work, then i try psychological manipulation, then when that doesnt work, move to another b and repeat the process a few years later after getting over previous b

wat do u do when both just being yourself and then not being yourself and trying to give the b what they want, neither of them works? hehehehehehe.heh

yeah it is gonna take a few days to stop feeling weird from getting off this paxil i predict

good thing i got some valium to take the edge off lol

is there something like valium, but like 10 times stronger, and doesn’t build up a tolerance

so u can use it all day erryday

get a ratio of how many times u busted a nut looking at pron : how many times u busted nut with real gurl

and the closer that number is to 0, the better and more normie u are

uhh was taking about 40 mg of paxil a day for 1 year but had been taking it at various levels for like damn…..7 or 8 years???? quite a long time. went thru phases. about 3 or 4 years ago, was convinced i was a Victim of the Heaviest Chemical Imbalance Ever and I simply HAD to take the world’s Hugest Dose of Paxil in order to even have a chance at being normal, so i GLADLY took like 60 mg a day at that time.

didnt really seem to do anything and was still a big loser and had even less energy, so weaned down; then last year or 2 years ago decided it was J00ish Poison meant to pacify the masses like soma, and wanted to get this j00ish poison out of system forever.

was still a big loser and stressing out and decided to go back up again. dr prescribed 60 mg a day, i took 40 hahaha. and that was most recently. also was able to get some valium added to the rx hahaha which i dilegently hoarded and still have a bunch.

then paxil started running out. and now its gone. my doc is now out of the biz and i would have to find a new one. currently on “vacation” from job, so less stress, so, ideal time to get this jooish poison out of system, rather than worry about finding new doc to get moar.

i will totes start using valium on the job though, when i start job again, to reduce stress on job.

then when the valium runs out, will find a cheap doctor to write rx for more valium, and maybe a less controversial ssri, like prozac maybe.

or maybe just get a medical mj card and vape tonnes of mj out of a vape pen bwahahahahaha. and then tonnes of valium at work.

or i think i was toying wiht the idea of an older tricyclic or MAOI type drug. yeah what the heck why not, couldnt hurt.

so thats my recommendation. get off evil ssri drugs and treat your “depression” with tricyclics and w3333d and valium. the “depression” just comes from you being ashamed and afraid of not living your life, you inherently know what the many Existential Problems are you need to fix: get a job, get a gurlfran, get along better with your friends and family, lose 400 pounds, etc, these obvious things are whats making u “depressed”, just obvious travails of Life.

if anything i was just too SCARED or NERVOUS to do the things i KNEW i needed to do, and prbably valium would help with that initial anxiety. but then not doing those things led to years of regret and then the derpression.

most of it prob stems back to when i was 18, and i should have just gone to military, trade skool, or worked some stupid jobs. but since i was real good in high school, i was pushed to go to college, even though i knew i didnt like skool. i guess i just thought after high school would be my time, that college would be better and get me prepared for life. i was dead wrong hahahahahahahaha.

i could have still gone to college later, once i saw how the world worked, and could have gotten a stem degree and actually used it and made money.  but noooooooooo.

now i have much less energy and am much older than i was at 18, and working at a job an 18 year old coudl handle.

hehehe.

also i did not “get help” while i was in college, so i might have righted the course while in college, and used college to get into a good career, rather than being scammed, and going on to crappy jobs you didnt need college for anyway, and becoming a huge old fat bald virgin loser hahaha who had made no Progress in Life between the ages of 18 to 30 hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

bretty awesome eh mang.

and another reason i took the ssris was because i didnt really have any obvious reason for the “derpression”, had a good family, everything i needed, opportunity to go to college, etc. hehehe.

but grew up to be a huge lazy loser omega kissless virgin anyway hahaha. no i am not a kv, but i have not done anything with gurls for the past 10 years. in a way thats almost WORSE than being a kv, because i have had a TASTE and i can VERIFY that it was every bit as good as i ever wanted it to be, and i want to taste it again lol.

promised not to say i as much oh well.

well maybe the jooish k1ke ssris work for SOME people. maybe they even worked for me and i just didnt realize it hahaha. but i just took the like 7 mg thing i had and threw it away. maybe watch some alex jones youtube on how ssris are a big govt big biz collaboration to enslave the tax livestock hahaha.

2 YEAR ANNIV OF UFMLL

may 2015

wow been doin this blog for TWO YEARS now, and 487 posts or so wow. weve come a long way baby hahaha.

went from a total loser job to a signif less total loser job, but its still a loser job, AND it is 90000000000000000 times more stressful and has made me mroe stressed, angry, even less energy hahaha.

still no success with wimmin during this two year period haha.

think used this blog to help get over woman7 in 2013, and then in 2014 woman8 happened, and still trying to deal with that, haven’t gotten officially rejected yet, but fishing for it, just so to move on. cant waste time like with woman7. already wasted too much time with woman8. so that is on the short term here. dealing with rejection using no contact, deleting everythign, sleeping at least 10 hours erry day, and medical m. all u need.

also get a huge hoard of valium to help you get thru your horrible job, but dont take the valium every single day, but every other day, so you don’t get hooked, and god frbid you take it every day, and then every day is equally bad. with eery other day, you get one ok day, one bad day, then one ok day, then one bad day, and so one. the risk with valium every day is that every day would gradually become worse and worse.

oh yeah everything is 50 50 chances…..even if they are nto. because that will give you the irrational overconfidence needed to succeed in life.

heh. thinking of erryone u know and how often they have secs. pretty darn often! well, assuming married people have secs once a month and unmarried monog couples have secs twice a month, hahahahahahahaha.

and unmarried nonmonog people have secs erry day hahahaha.

leaving opne weather dot com slowly eats away at your computer phones memory. why cant they fix that.

accuweather is better on the memory.

memory leaks. why.

how to fix?

dunno. cant be fixed. so sorry.

heh. i indignantly believe that there is a way to fix memory leaks.

https://msdn.microsoft.com/en-us/library/ms859408.aspx

ehhh this is for windows automiotive, in some car stereo systems

hey i TOOK c++ coding 202 and we TALKED about memory leaks, and how you create and destruct blocks of memory using the “new” command, and the “release” command at the end?????? and if you forget to release the memory, thats a memory leak.  so go into the code and put a release command there. thats why you ALREADY HAVE a comp sci degree and make 100 grand a year. so just do your job.

i dont remember the exact syntax or the exact meaning, or if it involved pointers. it DID involve delegating and releasing blocks of memory during run-time, so you didn’t have to delegate or dimension or declare ALL the memory right at the outset; so if you needed a little, you got a little; if you needed a lot, you got a lot; and at the end, all the memory was freed up.

heh dont even really care about secs tbh. when was young said would not have a prob if found a nice gurl who wanted to date for a long time before having secs, simply because secs always made me nervous and wanted to make sure really knew and trusted the person. that went over like a lead balloon hahahaha.

so hate to mark secs as THE symbolic thing for what mean, when it could jsut as well be something like “a loving make out sesh where you cuddle with the person all night, and get butterflies of luv at how much you luv the person, but no actual secs is had”

yes all that would be fine too.

so how long can you go without THAT and still remain sane, undistubred?

what happens if u don’t have that for like 5 years? on average? 10 years? do you become more….cold? distant? tired? old? angry? distracted? lazy? loser?  yes all of the above hahahaha.

muh big scientific hypothesis is: after 5 to 10 years, not having good make out gurlfran cuddlez will make u a crippling derpressed lazy loser hahahahahahaha.

who is no fun to anyone and who no one wants to hang out with, have cuddlez with, or hire for a job. hahahaha.

basically lets just say “whatever you would subjectively consider a physical expression of Shared Intimacy Emotionz” lol, whether that is secs, or that is just making out and cuddling and spending time with a B1tch you Like Like.

is it worth to be getting paid twice as much, but your new job is WAYYYYY over two times as stressful? like would you WITHSTAND TWENTY times the stress, for TWICE as much money? hehehe personally prefer a 1:1 ratio there

official position of this blog is that 1:1 ratio of pay:stress is ideal

and that also going more than 5 years without making out with a gurlfran like gurl, will make you derpressed and lazy.

ok so u might need a job more than u need a gurlfran, but oh well. stuff only makes sense 50% of the time.

so yeah it goes against your moral code to LIE becuase only filthy liars lie, but also figure this: who has EARNED your TRUST? who DESERVES the truth from you? only your family and friends at BEST, certainly not prospective employers and current employers. lie to these k1kes AT ALL TIMES.

hehe might have to start studying game again. like how to pick up women. not because endorse the hedonistic degenerate worldview behind it, but simply to get some action without having to pay for it, and maybe shape self into being more “fun” hahahaha.

anythign they can teach you about getting in shape, dressing better, being less creepy, being more fun, then thats all good, even if they choose to sit “poolside” and “enjoy the decline” ultimately. you dont need to go that far.

LOGICAL ILLOGICAL 50 50

may

yeah buddy. just lie and say youve been trained on anything and everything. and then be more evasive when they ask you how GOOD you are at it.

if you have a lot of EXPERIENCE in something but still aren’t really GOOD at it, tell them about your vast experience and then lie and say that has made you good at it.

because in reality you arent smart or good enough to learn from your mistakes, and your employer does not care enough to train you further, to “coach” you (which is like mini-training sessions where you are pulled aside for no more than 10 minutes, your mistakes are pointed out, then you say “wont let it happen again, thank you for the teaching moment”)

so business buzzwords change every year, every quarter.

have been struggling trying to find a “professional journal” for industry, like the type of thing my managers manager should spend 15 miuntes a month reading, hahahaha. its harder than you might think. finally found something from a national organization. picking up buzzwords. zappos ceo tony hsieh says something about a c-suite. wtf is a c-suite. google: investopedia:

DEFINITION of ‘C-Suite’
A widely-used slang term used to collectively refer to a corporation’s most important senior executives. C-Suite gets its name because top senior executives’ titles tend to start with the letter C, for chief, as in chief executive officer, chief operating officer and chief information officer.

ok there you go. info at yr fingertips.

basically a place you or  will never ever be. type of place where they never ever have to deal with angry customers!!! because they have mbas from top 5 skools.

anyway 35 years ago, you could just be an average idiot and get a job and get into the middle working class and have a fambly. now you have to be THE BEST. the Top ONE of all the competition, to get that job. well unless u work in a crappy company like that Overhires because they expect/predict/build in that many people will either QUIT or get FIRED

hehe ask your manager what are some good trade journals to read for best practices in your industry, they say uhhhh i dunno

ask your managers manager the same thing, they say uhhhhhhhh i dunno

which sounds suspiciously like what u say to custos when they give you another really weird question.

when the truth of the matter is, it doesn’t lose the company that much money for nobody to know how to do things.

why not?

uhhhh i dunno.

use the language of management even though you are applying for entry level and it would take you 20 years to get into management.

if u are dealing with a b who is giving you mixed signals, you are allowed to contact her once every 4 or 5 days.  lay low during that time, she will forget about whatever beta thing you did before, allowing you to reinvent yourself as a nonvirgin alpha. bs can get over / forget anything in 4 or 5 days. unless its one of the things that they never forget. dunno. always got dumped before learning what those things are.

at your job just imagine YOU are a computer or robot. what would a robot or computer say: “sorry this cannot be done. so sorry. the system is limited that we cannot even force it or make an exception. exceptions are systematically impossible. nobody has ever done an override or an exception. thats just the way this mysterious monolithic System is. why?  dunno. can you talk to someone who knows why? no. because nobody knows, and even if they did, they would not let let you talk to them.”

period. repeat for years until you get laid off permanently.

ahahahaha.

buy at least one season of your favorite tv shows, pref comedy. anything from season 2 to the peak of the show. get a decent season in other words. then you can use it to fall asleep to. very relaxing. and if u ever get a gurlfran to cuddle with, you can put that on if she doesn’t find something stupid on tv lol.

you can get valium for pretty reasonable price. got a 30 day supply of valium for like 10 bucks. and  would take less than 10% during the 30 days. so now  have a fookload of valium to take when return to work and need nervousness releif hehehehe.

but have to get a cheap doc to get moar. but shouldnt need more until january hehehehe.

tell middle class decision makers and managers that you read the new york times, even though you quit reading the nyt ten years ago because it is marxist trash. oh well. people with good jobs read it. so lie to them and make them think u read it, when you dont. its all about lies and bribes you see.

so, we try to be logical, because to be logical is to be smart, but other people arent always logical, life isnt always logical, in fact, life in general might be 50 50 logical illogical, so being logical all the time doesnt really help you any.

there are many examples. for one, why are u more obsessed with wimmin than with careers and jobs. you need a job more than u need a wimmin, yet you spend more time thinking about wimmin. not logical at all. will only hurt you. self destructive. got it ass backwards. if you focused more on the job, you would be more successful, make more moeny, and get more/better women. but you cant focus on jobs because you can only mainly focus on wimmin. wtf.

and it has been this illogical way for years. at that point would just say forget about the job and focus on the wimmin, pander to your weird brain, and maybe if you give it what it wants, it will then let you focus on jobs after you get your “foundation” with wimmin, or wild oats out of your system or whatever.

also the interesting idea that people GO THRU PHASES. like oh she went thru her promiscuous phase, now she’s in her stable monogamous phase, etc, so the previous beahvior is not a predictor of future behavior, because it was jsut a phase.