yeah i think i am starting to move on thank god, over a month later. i mean i am not out of the woods at all. as i say, this is no better than 6% recovery. 6 percent in like 37 days. equals 100 percent in….. draw the two fractions and solve for x….using wolfram alpha to do this fairly quickly…. 617 days????? are you fooking KIDDING me???

almost TWO YEARS? to get over this bullshit?

maybe. the internet agrees, or at least the normal well adjusted normalfags of the internet agree, that Ghosting is a veyr painful way of getting dumped.

i do feel a bit vindicated after reading about that ghosting.

the media writes about it because of charlize theron. i think in THAT case, the Ghosting was Atrocious. she is a grown ass 40 year old woman who should know better; she was dating sean penn for a while in terms of hollywood things, at least 6 months, and ghosting is only acceptable for Perfect Strangers and Less Than 3 Dates; which they were not. So the articles should be slamming charlize for being a huge immature B and treating him with such disrespect.

thats what it all boils down to: you show the person NO RESPECT AT ALL. it HURTS to be DISRESPECTED in such a way, when you are not used to receiving such extreme disrespect from others, especially those who once respected you. it just doesnt add up.

i didn’t ABUSE her. I just pushed her to communicate, because there was an elephant in the room that any mature adult would agree needed to be communicated about.

but i was abusive and toxic because i pushed in the wrong way, or too hard, or in a toxic way. i was communicating wrong about wanting to communicate. jesus christ.

ok redoing that wolfram thing. say i am SEVEN percent Over It, then to get to 100 percent would only be… 529 days. ok little better. you see what a difference 1 percent makes! its at a very quickly changing region of the graph.

6 % ….. 617 days

7 % …. 529 days. uhhh expect to be over it end of december 2016. nice.

8 % …. 463 days

9 %…. 411 days

10%….370 days.

well wait. how do i make it a god damn straight line. i am getting a curved line. i want a straight line. i want to know it takes x days to Get Over It Y percent. consistently.

so, 6 percent in 37 days is approx 1 percent in 6 days. therefore, 100 percent in 600 days.


well, THAT graph IS curved because each situation represents a different RATE OF CHANGE. what the rate of change DEPENDS on is whether i am at 6 percent or 7 percent etc right now! So that is really an important decision to make!

welp, in that time i could probably start and finish HVAC training skool, although probably not find a job as well hahaha.

i kind of think that is what GOD is calling me to, sort of, and all this is another signal.

hahahaha I wish GOD communicated DIRECTLY using actual words, rather than using stupid SIGNALS like a COWARDLY IMMATURE WOMAN.


i have a very adversarial, not very friendly relationship with GOD. I resent his absolutely control over my immortal soul. I wish he were a better GOD hahahaha.

why, because i want to jerk off, and have premarital secs, and use birth control, and permit end of life cancer euthanasia, and have the option of abortion maybe be legal?

well yes because its ALL a slippery slope towards degeneracy, immorality, evil, and damnation! all a slippery slope away from GOD!


this article and series of articles was very instructive for me recently, cant remember if i posted them here, but they are valuable enough to be posted again and again.

a young man who found college only Set Him Up For Failure, because he naively didnt get a STEM degree, so his story has lots of paralells to mine. so after he graduated and couldnt find a job, he became an HVAC man and makes more than he would in an Entry Level Job with a Useless Degree.

he tells the stories of 3 or 4 of his peers, how they are in a similar boat, and how they are struggling in very sad ways, to become adults, throughout their entire 20s, and will more than likely become manchild failures, terminally underemployed or unemployed, in Toxic Relationships with Shitty Women, at best, and terminally forveralone at worst.

great set of articles. another sign from GOD for me.

top one is the first artcile, talk about his own story. here are the ones where he talks about his friends stories:


the mystic, a college dropout loser who got into buddhism in the worst possible way, to become a depressed nihilist loser and completely aimless


the gamer, another college dropout who smokes weed all the time and is content doing that and working as a waiter


the emt, another college dropout who is probably the most successful of the 3, got emt training, got a steady emt job, got a gurlfran, but the gurlfran sucks and he is still too beta to demand respect and demand a better woman. but at least he is much more gainfully employed than the other two college dropouts.  almost as gainfully employed as the college graduate in a trade skool job hahahaha.

lesson learned, dont go to college, go to trade skool. if you do go to college, do a stem degree, focus on your post graduation JOB ASAP, like RIGHT AWAY, like First Year or earlier, so you can get into it IMMEDIATELY after graduating, and do NOT get sucked into college debauchery or degeneracy.

well, if you’re a man, and you are able to pull Easy College Pvssy, i say go ahead, to build your confidence by banging many young beautiful women.

but that’s risky because you may get your heart broken by Flaky Gurls who just want sex, as happened to several of the guys in these stories.

definitely dont drink and party too much because it will hurt your mind and sidetrack your focus on your Career.

i mean you have to be Career Oriented from DAY ZERO if you are gonna go to college……. which is pushed on 100% of Smart Kids in high school.

great set of stories, related a lot with them, thought about getting in contact with the author, best set of articles ive read all year. read them, save them, print them out and give them to your children, if you can ever be gainfully employed and meet a good enough woman to HAVE children. or god isnt calling you to be a childless ascetic beggar virgin hahahaha.

anyway the slant of the website is pretty rightist and even somewhat racialist, so that makes it a far-right neo-nazi site, which may lessen its credibility to Moderates. but this set of stories doesnt get too much into Race i assure you!

i dont see a problem with talking about Race anyway. this is all part of eric holders brave conversation about race hahahaha. also the news says that RACE is like the number ONE or TWO topic in the presidential campaign. race IS a big deal, elephant in the room.

a less scary way of framing it, for whites afraid to talk or think about race lest they get on the sippery slope to becoming an evil closed minded stupid ignorant racist redneck bigot hater antisemite homophobe, is to think about “multiculturalism” and think about has the Melting Pot Experiment really worked out for the best in the past 60 years or so?

i told you i was a racist hahaha dont you read the about page. but i dont turn nonwhites away. i respect that there are nonwhites who are also depressed anxious lazy losers who need help and moral support. you are more than welcome to get that from me. because of course we are all members of the human race.

besides, race is talked about all the time in college classes. always in a marxist antiwhite way, but just saying. we talk and think about race every damn day, get used to it. im just tired of all the white privilege talk and decided to go a different way. because im white and my white privilege was not enough to lift me out of loserness hahahaha. just like all the other white pro-whites. you find this same inferiority complex among all white pro-whites hahahaha. they are trying to compensate for their own personal failures at life hahahaha.

no thats the argument you always hear. and as someone who is a personal failure, it does hit a nerve! maybe the evil marxists are RIGHT!



june 28

grade 13 continued

by second semester, roomate and i had declared war on each other and stopped talking to each other at all. it became a sick game of seeing who could hold out the longest of not saying a single syllable. i wrote about him being a psycho.

a game we’d play is, he’d like the room roasting furnace hot, like 100 degrees or more. now i like a good sauna, but i can’t sleep when it is stuffy and steamy, and we had old school steam heaters that you could crank up.

so he would crank it all the way up, room would get to be 100 degrees, then i would open the window and crank it down. back and forth. best was when i went to go to bed and he would crank it up while i was in bed on the top bunk and was too lazy to get up to turn it down.

if he had any friends over they would say turn the f00king heat down you psycho. but he didn’t. he had much less social needs than i did. he didn’t care if he didn’t have friends. actually i think he had a few friends, but he visited them and never had them visit us. just like i never invited my weird friend over, i always went to his dorm. but i didn’t super like him anyway, hehehe.

ANNNND i continued to drink whenever i could. saved it for fridays and saturdays though. still got all a’s.

i could not wait for school year to end so i could go back home with my friends and get away from the maniac.

Summer 1

and so i did. and drank and smoked with my friends, worked my same boring easy fun job, glad to get away from roomate, totally unsure what i was gonna do next year.

when I SHOULD HAVE been taking a stem program and doing stem internships and stem research and stem schmoozing. but i didn’t give a damn about schmoozing with profs or postcollege, i just cared about my social life.

and winners care about postcollege before they start college. and CERTAINLY you have be On The Track during Summer 1: the summer after freshman year. I was totes not. shoulda gone to a shrink by now for sure!

my parents encouraged me to go to the Counseling Services offered by the school once they found i was having probs with the roommate. i stubbornly refused. so stubborn. like, they can’t help me, they’re quacks, i can figure this out on my own!

but i couldn’t, and stubbornly resisted even tho muh fam pushed for like the next 3 years for me to go. I resisted 3 years, hehehe. I should have gone, hehehehe. I see that now. #Regrets4Lyfe.

because things didn’t necessarily get better next year, or the next year. i didn’t have a crazy roomate, but I got worse and worse with my bad habits and bad attitudes, and refused to Get Help.

Grade 14

had a much nicer roomate, we got along well, friendly guy. another engin student but very friendly and social and normal. first jewish person I ever met. from new jersey. he later joined a fraternity and i’m sure he is a rich and successful engineer or entrepreneur now. i should have followed his lead and switched to engin, cut my hair, got some nice clothes, and joined a fraternity. but nooooo.

i continued looking like a creep and started hanging out with weed-smokers, my first real college friends. i met the guy while i was smoking a cigarette outside the dorm.

i got real nervous and paranoid when smoking weed but was still drawn to it, couldn’t stop thinking about it, was obsessed with it, looked forward to trying it again and again, even though i felt intellectually stupid around my new friends when i smoked it. they were not judging me though, that was all in my head.

can’t remember any good Learning i did that year! I know I took Calculus 1 because I thought it would be valuable. I just lollygagged around, refused to go to Counseling, refused to talk to even an Academic Advisor, I HATED asking for help on ANYTHING, so i coasted right up to the deadline of not declaring a major until the end of soph year, when you had to. dumb. shoulda been a STEM/Math major right from summer 0.

i picked psychology because it was one of the more interesting subjects i had taken so far, plus i was interested in why i was so weird, and why other people were so weird. we’re all crazy. plus i thought ANY degree from this skool would guarantee me employment for life, if not glamourous, at least something. And I didn’t realize how useless pscyh was, espciually without a graduate degree.

I still didn’t even have a CONCEPT of Graduate Skool, how it worked, what it was, what kind of student you needed to be to get in. needless to say, if you wanted to get in, you didn’t lollygag and coast and smoke weed in your soph year, and you certainly got internships in summer 2!


april 19 saturday morn

moved back up to my old table and am getting DESTROYED. PERHAPS betting a LITTLE more aggressively, and I am certainly LOSING more aggressively than I have been lately, of course you can lose a lot more at this table than the lower one. it is AMAZING the difference between .01/.02 and .05/.10.   yes it IS easily five times more intense!

so yesterday I lost 10 chips (max buy in). i was perhaps too foolish because I only had two pair, but it was high pair like AA KK, I got a GREAT flop, so started to secure my position by betting solidly after the flop, and then of course the other guy drew me in, into all-in, and he had QUADS, but he would have beaten me with Trips anyway.

and just now. a guy drew me in real good because i though he was bluffing at having an ace, when I had pocket kings, and the flop included one ace. so I played more aggressively and foolishly, calling his stupid bets, and he beat me with like Trip 7’s.

and now my bankroll is so low I couldn’t really play two tables if I wanted to!

all signs point to: go back down to the Smallest Table. Which, I’ll repeat again, did not exist when I first started – this Rough table used to be THE Lowest. now it is the second lowest.

ANYWAY. my new plan is to do a LONG powerwalk today, at least 4 miles or 90 minutes, actually excited about that. heh. beats losing sh1tloads of money!

sat aftnoon

went for an 85 minute or so SUPERPowerwalk.  weird, could have been no more than 3.5 miles, hmm i should check.  hmm internet sez its 4.3 miles. even better son.

so that was very tiring obviously hehehe.

would like to watch more History Documentaries because they are interesting, and in our Idiocracy World, everyone has forgotten history.

ok or since my usual Walking Path is 1.6 to 1.7 miles, I could just do that three times a day. notbad.uh

cuz the one sucky thing about the Super 4.3 mile walk is the roar of traffic, really NOT stress reducing.

ok that settles it then.

yesterday watched a horrible horror movie and then struggled to find something on tv. found an interesting pbs document on madame jiang kai shek, the wife of general jiang kaishek of china who rose to prominence with the nationalist party in 1910s and 1920s and “the mainland” was eventually taken over by chairman mao.

the documentary focused WAY too much on the wife, who WAS an interesting character, but I wanted more of a “20th century history of china” thing. How exactly did the war between china and japan unfold? if japan was kicking china’s A so bad, how did the war end? did japan take all of manchuria? how big was manchuria? and why the hell didn’t mao invade taiwan and kill kai shek, where kai shek had set up “goverment in exile” and even had a seat at the UN and relations with the US. but there were only 2 million people on taiwan, and 660 million in china at the time.

so that is why i want to watch history documentaries. on that type of thing. mainly 20th century stuff.

then i watched charlie rose and they had on david brooks. really not sure how I really feel about him, but he is interesting to listen to and is a real big picture guy and had an interesting 30 minute chat with charlie. then they had on ben horowitz, cofounder of tech venture capital firm andreesen horowitz, and, I found out, son of writer/activist david horowitz. and AH seems to have a good record for identifying hot companies like facebook hehehe. they also made a HUGE investment in coinbase, which is how i get muh bitcoin, and they actually had a mini discussion on charlie rose about bitcoin.  nice. I rose above The Idiocracy with muh Pseudointellectual TV watching.

Because it really is bad out there. I am actually watching “idiocracy” on comedy central right now hehehe.

note: the brilliant and hilarious mike judge has a new show called “silicon valley” about Tech Entrepreneurs and Venture Capitalists. PRetty neat. you should watch everything mike judge related. well, the satire stuff at least. and
“even” king of the hill is pretty watchable. anyway “silicon valley” is pretty funny too, we would be able to relate with the tech virgin beta hero, except that he is becoming a millionaire for his invention AND had a Stable Job before that, but he was just BORED with its LAMENESS. Making enough money to LIVE in Silicon Valley, how the hell did he GET that job? would much prefer to see a Mike Judge show about a REAL loser, who gets a comp sci degree but is such a loser he lives with his parents and can’t find a tech job ever and has no energy to be creative, and can’t hold down his stupid stressful sh1tty jobs, so his only hope is to do 1.7 mile powerwalks and write a blog for losers, hahahaha.

no i do not have a comp sci degree, hehehe, I could actually probably make that work if I had one.  i have a useless nonstem degree.

anyway david brooks. he is interesting, i like listening to him talk about The World as I try to figure out What He Is. Sure he is Moar Conservative than New York Times Average, but is he a Neocon? A Zionist? There was a time I thought he was, so I disregarded everything he said. but now I have mellowed out a bit, eheheheh. Even if he is my Middle Class Enemy, perhaps he can still have SOME good ideas. (but cert not ALL.)

also try watching some Movie Musicals from the 50s and 60s. A Simpler, More Wholesome time, with real Feelgood Love stories and Underdogs OVercoming Adversity Stories. The Antithesis Of Decadency and Degeneracy.

Something like “SOund of Music” or “Singin in the Rain” would not be a bad place to start.


sun 12.32 am feb 9

yep when you get a BAD BEAT like that, it makes you reconsider Gambling As A Career. Well, it wasn’t the worst beat, but it wasn’t a decent beat either. I got rightfully happy with KK draw and got a flop 997 i think. then turn K. then river 9.  of COURSE the guy beat my KKK99 full house with FOUR OF A KIND, and he “got me” to go all in right before. Lesson Learned: never go all in unless YOU are the one starting it.  and then I lost like 16 bucks.  holy sh1t. well it’s not bucks. i bought in with .01, got up to .017, and then got CLEANED OUT. was doing GOOD to, OBV should have left at .017 and spent that .007 profit on Gigahashes, hehehe.

so the question is, should i get back to a table NOW, at 12.37 am??? yes, yes of course I should. GAMBLING PROBLEM.

heh. i bet a gambling problem is even worse than a drinking problem. but prob not worse than a Hard Drug Problem.

to know that you could have been UP 7 dollars….rather than DOWN 10 dollars, all in the space of one hand. but it is way more fun than Work.

Church is way more fun than Work, wish I could just sit in church for 40 hours a week. i would rather sit in church for 80 hours a week than work 40 hours a week.

but would i rather PAY to go to SCHOOL and GAMBLE at BETTERING Myself to get a Better/Chiller Job? Because I could get a Business Degree at Online U and not get a chill job, or I could get a Sociology Degree at Harvard and get a very chill job, hehehehehehe. but i could not get into harvard obv, bc i am an old loser wiht no energy and i hate harvard.

but what i COULD have done is get an engin degree at a noname school when i was young, and done VERY well for myself, MUCH better than I am doing now. or would i have found the engin program too hard and gay and quit that like i quit lots of other stuff?? impossible to say.

but i like to think i had tons more energy and drive when i was young. but i’m not sure i did. i still hated doing stuff, everything was a chore. but the record stands, that i still got more done…..like getting a useless stupid degree, biggest mistake of muh life, hehehe. one of them at least. but even that was a considerable amount of time, effort, and resources. not sure how i did that. why didn’t i quit THAT though? that would have been a GOOD idea to quit. actually I DID sort of quit, because I didn’t like it. then I decided that powering through and finishing it would be a good thing. which it usually IS a good idea. but NOT if you’re powering through to get useless degree. get a useFUL degree. remember what that is? engineering.

but i am not gonna go back to school NOW unless somebody makes it worth my while. but paying 100 grand to do engin homework might just be better than this stupid JOB.


Sunday feb 9 2.38 pm; job you don’t worry about all the time is ideal job.

finally got out of bed. really should go to the store today. and go to bed super early to get my 10 hours to prepare for JOB.

but at least thank GOD i have less of a cold coming in to this week.

so i am not sure how much of a sure think cex.io and buying gigahashes is. probably better over the short term than the long term. i think you can actually start LOSING money over the long term.

today: Sunday: like to powerwalk while it’s nice and sunny thank GOD; go grocery shopping; prepare some cigarets for the week; go to bed early; play a little cards and try to win today, hehehehe.

i became rusty while not playing for a few months. i’ve had to re-learn. so:

1. don’t even call to see the flop when the cards look “kinda good”, like say you have an AT unsuited; nope; you will prob lose money because some idiot will make large bets that you don’t feel comfortable calling.

2. never go all in unless you are the one to raise it to all in, it is of YOUR own decision, not the other idiot

3. if you just DONT WANNA call such a big raise, even if you like your cards, especially if you just LIKE your cards but don’t LOVE them, then say f00k it an FOLD. WHEN IN DOUBT, FOLD. otherwise you’re throwing away little bits of money on many hands. which is just as bad as going all in and losing all on one hand.

4. PLAY THE ODDS. PLAY SUPER TIGHT. THE ODDS are not great, so just wait until you have great cards. Play Top 5 or Top 10 cards ONLY.

5. Still be tight/conservative when you have good cards because you can still be killed by a bad beat. note your position. it is hilarious when i say, “just CHECK it, you moron, you don’t HAVE to bet every time”, because i’m in early position and I REALLY don’t want to have to call a raise so idiot with a better position makes. so just FOLD, WAIT, BE PATIENT, until you have great cards, great position, AND great flop, sharpen the Long Knives of Sweet Vengeance, and finally you will get yours.

6. and if you don’t, might have to reconsider Gambling as a Career, and get an Engineering Degree.

ok i got JJ draw and won a sweet 4 dollar pot, came out ahead, and promptly left the table, but the whole time i was angry at the moron who kept raising. STOP RAISING MORON!!! I said, because i didn’t want to be throwing my money away. I won the hand with JJJ over his two pairs, and he was truly a moron, and I enjoyed winning the money, but was still angry at his style of play. so i left the table and said DONE for the day.  quite a reasonable stopping point.



might have already had a post with that title, heh.

10.58pm, jan 24, 2014, FRIDAY

YEP made it thru another week. turns out friday is not very slow, indeed it’s actually one of the WORST/busiest days of the week. NICE. GIMME MOAR.

BUT…the new hires at muh jerb are seemingly being held to a higher standard, because they are looking to lay off anyone and everyone, especially newer people. If you are not performing super high quality right away, boom instalayoff. Quite honestly I would be surprised if I were NOT laid off soon, like in the next 2 weeks. and I honestly wouldn’t MIND it.

So when you get a tough question on some really weird sh1t, not only do you have to pretend you’re an expert on the matter and be cool and cofident….ok now there is a level of higher pay grade “supervisors” who have been there longer, level 2 if you will, and you can ask them for help. But if you ask them for help TOO MUCH, then you get laid off, because you’re bugging them, and should be learning faster, and utilizing the other static literature resources, instead of asking an actual person. because you’re new and aren’t picking it up fast enough, aren’t getting over the learning curve fast enough, BOOM, layoff.  If you struggle, layoff. If you struggle and ask one of these people for help instead of searching for the needle in a haystack, boom, layoff.

Heh. Pretty sure I WANT to be laid off! And I think my previous plan of letting muh performance slip might just WORK, ie, they would be QUICK to lay me off rather than turn up the pressure on me and force me to quit. because they’re laying SO MANY people off right now. I assume they will be paying them Unemployment rather than saying they were FIRED for GROSS NEGLIGENCE. Because they’d rather Lay people off for Minor Negligence.  just hope that doesn’t show up in a background check. because this stuff is kinda hard and it Just Takes Time to Learn. if you’re not a Superfast Learner…..layoff. they will not keep you around just to abuse you.

so i had a decent day thrusday and a pretty rough day friday. first call of the day was loooooong, MUCH longer than they want. at least 3 superiors were aware and watching me. ton of weird sh1t one after the other. the caller was nice thank god, but now I’m learning it’s not really the callers you have to be most worried about, it’s your superiors thinking you’re asking them too many questions.

and of course they can see exactly how long you’ve been on a Call, so if you go over x minutes you get a message IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT? and where I thought that may be Courteous Concern, like How May I Help You, it might also mean, you better get this solved fast so you can move on to more calls, oh now you’re asking “Stupid questions” to your superiors, duly noted, now you’re fired.

so it was a super busy day friday and they offered overtime, meaning you could stay past your closing time. this happened last friday too but I scurried off at my normal time, i just wanted to get out of there; and said well maybe next friday I will do it, just to make a good impression. so that indeed happened so I decided to stay an extra hour at least. but had a couple of more long weird calls during that time. so me doing overtime looks good, but me taking a long time looks bad. 70% of the people that were hired in at the same time as me, are GONE. I will DEF be next. after today, I am sorta EXPECTING to get laid off next week. And I wouldn’t terribly MIND.

I could PROBABLY go back to muh old job, which of course pays not much more than Unemployment prob would. But I would Kiss The Ground there. I would be an EVEN BETTER employee than I was when I was there, because I have already picked up Great New Skills from new job.

WHAT IF I couldn’t get the old job back. well, then just collect unemployment, make about as much money, and have even moar time to search for new job.  but just BEING Unemployed makes you look bad to Employers, hehehe, in other words, getting muh old job back would help me in finding a new job from there, better than being Completely Jobless.



Heh or WHEN I get laid off I can just go to trade school. not sure the best. Kinda like electrician because I have a Frand who is one. but is Welding, HVAC, or PLumbing Signif less “risky” than electrician? dunno. dunno even how to ANSWER that question. and who can you trust to answer that question correctly. answer: not an electrician skool, hehehehe.

f00k this gay earth.gif, hehehehe

felt pretty bad about eating that MEdicinal Edible 1 week ago, because how am I gonna pass a DRUG TEST for 1 month, hehehe, just 1 month flushed down the toilet. how do medicine takers get and keep jobs. don’t take that medicine. just go to the doc and get an rx for powerful, addictive benzos, hehehehe.

wanted to make some cigs tonight but honestly too dam tired. drinking coffee at 11pm just to get some writing in.

nontheless i am THANKFUL to the LORD for this CHARACTER-BUILDING TRIAL. really getting put through the ringer here. while it would be humbling to be laid off for being “incompetent”, it is very important to remember that the people who have BEEN there a year or more were under the gun LESS when they were first hired in, ie, they had more of an allowance for screwups. meanwhile, us new hires in late 2013, we screwup, we’re gone. the old timers were given a good cushion to Learn. We are not.



might be a misleading title. or depending how the future plays out, maybe not.

thurs 1 23, 9.45 pm

a rare weeknite post. thurs night. mon tues wed i would get out of ARBEIT MACHT FREI and IMMEDIATELY go to bed, took ALL my strength just to get thru the day. did NOT watch tv, did NOT unwind, well I had a small snack thank GOD, and it’s GOOD not to watch TV Filth, but I was also worried because they are STILL laying people off, and I kind of WANT to be laid off, because then I won’t have to go to that godawful job, and I’ll get paid unemployment, and can look for a better job, and be able to prove i was legitly laid off for business needs. rather than Quitting for being an Emotional, Unemployable Loser.

i honestly don’t know muh chances. by now the MAJORITY of the group of people hired at the same time as me are GONE. LAID OFF. maybe about 65% of them. But i’m sticking around because I have Good Attendance, and Good Performance.

Yesterday was Super Stressful, a MIRACLE that I got thru, but today was actually not so bad, maybe the best day I have had so far. 23 phone calls, about 17 minutes average call, and 6:20 total phone time.  I handled myself pretty well, had several very pleased callers. The trick really is to just Chill Out and not Worry, and get into that mindset even when you get something you’ve never HEARD of before, and then keep calm and Reach Out to the resources available to you without panicking or overthinking.  and then bringing that sense of calm confidence to the caller. this is of course MUCH easier said than done and has taken me a LONG time to even BEGIN to do so. other people have gotten LAID OFF because they did not do this FAST enough. It’s a miracle I have done it fast enough. this is the type of thing with a steep learning curve and PEOPLE NEED TIME to get good at it, and they’re UNJUSTLY laying people off before even letting them have that time! very nice people that I liked! the worst is when you realize “Oh sh1t I haven’t seen that person in a few days,” and then you never see them again because they’ve been LAID OFF. well I hope they are getting decent unemployment!!!

and tom is fri and i have a fun social event semi planned for this weekend, nice dinner and gaming with old frand. thank GOD.

AND I came home tonight feeling ok for once, and found muh new silver round waiting for me, which I got for a decent price. lesson: amagi metals is a much better price than apmex. although a smaller selection.

AND I finally got muh bitcoin delivered. I guess the REAL smart thing to do would be to Buy Bitcoin Low, wait for it to SKYROCKET, and then buy Silver with it. hehehe. would that even work? Or would silver skyrocket right alongside Bitcoin, and then silver would be like 800 dollars an ounce? hehehe.

So I look at muh 6 pieces of silver and can’t help but think of the old story of Judas betraying CHRIST for thirty pieces of silver. if we assume those were 1 tr oz pieces, and silver at ABOUT $20 an ounce, then that’s about 600$ to sell our LORD down the river.

and I play with muh nice little STACK and thank GOD for the PRIVILEGE of being able to enjoy this silver.

but yeah. kinda gonna slow down on the mad spending i think. first world privilege. thank GOD. THIS is why I thank GOD all the time. I could be getting LITERALLY raeped up the A every day.

i talked for 2 seconds but pretty normally with the QT Gurl  today as well. might be muh new #1 from that place. NICE. simple small talk whilst smoking a cig outside. I only try to smoke no more than 2 cigs thru the day, and 1 before the beginning. so 3. given the stress level of the job, one SHOULD be smoking like a whole pack for one 8 hour shift, hehehe. a cig after every call.

heh heh if you don’t wake up every morning DREADING going into your DREADFUL job, then YOU DON’T HAVE A REAL JOB. REAL MEN Dread Going To Their Job Every Day. Want to PUKE and Poop Blood.

Or I guess real men wouldn’t get so SCARED, they wouldn’t let it GET to them, but they’d also perform their job well enough not to get LAID OFF or god forbid FIRED.

so the job does get bearable i suppose. and that is all i can ask. It certainly hasn’t become permanently bearable, just starting to show signs that it could be. maybe. but it might get REAL bad in feb. really wouldn’t put anything past it. I don’t TRUST the job at ALL. but my COWORKERS are decent good people thank GOD. it’s just a f00ked up JOB.  heh but this is the best a person with a WORTHLESS DEGREE can do in 2014! a young smart man near me also has a Worthless Degree. But he is early twenties, still young. great guy though, he’s helped me a lot, very smart, hope he can find a better job before he gets Old, hehehe.

lord, just bought like 11 more dollars of bitcoin because the price is going down. then I realized it would be smartest to WAIT for it to HIT bottom, THEN buy, because now I’m losing money as we speak.

Heh. I do not trust bitcoin more than I trust SILVER or GOLD. But I wouldn’t mind making a Profit off bitcoin, and if I had bought before the Big Boom in OCtober 2013 or so, I WOULD have. would like to get on some of that. wait for it to crash again, then buy, then boom again, then get rich quick, hehehe.

but don’t spend too much because the FEDGOV could snatch this stuff willy nilly. so I immediately move btc from my coinbase wallet into a blockchain wallet, then download the dam wallet. not sure if that would keep FEDGOV from snatching it, hehehe.



jan 16 2014 thurs 939pm

yep usually i just lay right down after ARBEIT MACHT FREI, and watch some american dad, lights off at 11pm, wake up at 9 am, in at 12p. the routine i am getting used to. like to get in at least 30 minutes early to settle in, make a good impression. big news of the week is they just laid a ton of people off. i prayed to GOD to bless all of those people and to take me instead, I could actually afford to be laid off, i partly WANT to be laid off , to collect bennies and find a less stressful job hehehe. plus i don’t have a wife and kidz to support and i can just freeload at home (no I would not “freeload” per se.) was not just the newest people, but newness was taken into account AND attendance AND performance. of course it is impossible to accurately judge a persons performance if they’ve just been there a few weeks. this is the type of job where everyone starts out HORRIBLE and then slowly gets better. VERY ROUGH Learning curve. I am fortunate that I have taken to it pretty well and muh performance is actually top notch believe it or not, I am in the top 20% at LEAST, thank GOD. if not top 15%.

so, ironically enough, i sort of WANT to get laid off, but because I’m doing so GOOD, I probably WON’T be. until the expected layoff time I mean.

yep. again, if muh previous job were full time, that would have been the perfect job. loved that stuff. miss it.

found another qt gurl there but the stuff is so stressful I can’t even THINK about anything Heterosexual until the weekend starts.

but yeah the good news is I am surviving, each day is at least 1% better, i am way better this week than I was last week.

but yeah the job is so not fun, it actually makes SKOOL look like a GOOD idea. I would go to skool 80 hours a week instead of this. but then I think of how skool is worthless. but not TRADE skool!

there is a late 40s man at the job who got an Associates In IT with a Specialty in Networking, and could not get a better job because everyone wanted “at least a year of related experience.”  IMHO, Networking is a great area to get into, great education choice, however this job does not cover Real Serious Networking and not sure how it would improve his chances of getting a Networking job. Not sure if he has any Cisco Certs though.  I would also guess those would help. of course, they’re not going to tell you in Community College that if you don’t get Cisco Certs, you WON’T GET A JOB in the field. Heh. In MY College, I WOULD tell you that.  my class would basically be a Cert Prep Course.

Just like me getting Microsoft Certs or COMPTIA certs or whatever. iPhone certs.

ANYWAY. And i still can’t get over the number of military people there.  saw a very handsome ~24 year old man in Great Shape with a huge “death before dishonor” marine corps tat on his Bulging Bicep. B-B-B-B-But wouldn’t being a Career Marine be sweeter than THIS? what’s he doing HERE? are all these people being DISCHARGED? or they just don’t want to be DEPLOYED all over the world, and want to stay near home with the FAMILIES I’m guessing. OK valid. reasonable reason. heh. its good to figure things out.

anyway. FAST TRACK. its IMPOSSIBLE to get on the fast track if you’re not YOUNG. you HAVE to be young to get on the FAST TRACK. If you’re not young, it’s just not gonna happen. by definition. so just sit back relax and get on the SLOW track!! Stop WORRYING about the Fast Track!

Take the Slow Track, go to Trade Skool, and when you start yet another Entry Level Job at Age 40, it can finally be a GOOD one!!! You can get a Trade Skool Degree/Diploma/Cert by Age FORTY! Even I could do that! Not like you got a WIFE AND KIDZ stealing your time and money, hehehehe.


so some gurl looks REAL good at 18. remember this motto religiously:


A gurl in the PRIME OF YOUTH will look MARKEDLY less impressive in ten years. she will have lost ALL her power.

TEN SHORT YEARS. that’s all it takes.

Ok, you can go to College/Grad Skool as long as you PROMISE to SCHMOOZE with the profs. If you’re not SCHMOOZING, you shouldn’t BE there. And by schmooze, I mean getting Good Written Recommendations, Friendly, Relaxed Conversations, Dinners, and SOLID JOB LEADS being the best of all. SPECIFIC. NOT VAGUE.

The prof might be super nice but not know of a SINGLE job opening, for example. Well, in this case, get them to write you a SUPER NICE reference!

And if you are too scared and shy to have these kinds of convos with the profs, get the hell out before you waste any more money. and get a crappy job where you can PRACTICE talking to all sorts of people all day and Develop your Social and Communication Skills. Then you can go back to skool and use those new skillz on your profs.

that is the one good thing about muh new stressful job, is its developing that skill.  heheh I talk to MANAGERS all day. and then I talk to the Diverse People at my workplace.

Anyhow. SO. Bachelors of Computer Science is a GOOD degree, while Associates of Networking is a BAD degree? huh? What about a Bachelors of Networking? would THAT be enough to get you a Sweet Entry Level Networking Job? (I’m talking Routers and Ethernet and Protocols and Layers and Packets and all that, not LinkedIn and Twitter and Facebook and Schmoozing and Socializing and Talking, although THAT is hella important too.)

Is an Associates version of a Good Bachelors Degree just as Useless as a Useless Bachelors Degree? I dunno. More Later.