whenever i get the urge to contact her, remember, she unfriended me FIRST (and with no accompanying message or explanation or reason why or clarifying thoughts. i was thinking of unfriending her but i would have sent a message saying don’t take this the wrong way, i don’t hate you.); AND she blocked me. meaning she did not want to have any communication NOW or in the FUTURE. so if she wants to open that up, SHE”s gotta be the one to do it. I have no power to come to her and apologize and beg her to change her mind. ive already apologized and begged all i can, and it didn’t get me anywhere. it might have made her more hateful of me.

yeah i was a bit weird and supplicating but i didn’t think it was fair for her to HATE me for it!

but this is how women were designed by nature! i cant have my cake and eat it too! i can be angry at them for defying nature, by acting like No Productive Cost Men, but i CANT be angry at them for being Super Contemptuous of Weak Supplicating Beta Men! this is just how women are wired!

well, woman 2012 dumped me in a much nicer way! so there!

but she was herself kinda weird?

well, woman2004 dumped me better?

but i was more alpha waaayyyyy back then?

see how i come up with excuses to NOT defend myself? this is some kind of distortion for sure.

but yeah i am angry. i had a decent paying job that i wanted to quit so bad but i FOUGHT my way through every day and survived and came out the other end. learned how to do a RIDICULOUS job without quitting. and then i got crazy because of a damn WOMAN and quit the job and ruin my own life because i can’t handle my emotions about WOMEN. and women do this kind of shit ALL THE TIME. it’s the MANS responsibility to learn how to deal with it. women are like fooking LAND MINES, ticking time bombs, stay the FOOK away from them because if you don’t know how to deal with them you can ruin your own life. you cant even blame them for being a bitch because many guys deal with it better.

well i shouldnt have fallen so deeply in luv with her to begin with. i should have always tried to MATCH her, but not go ABOVE that.

i should have obviously been a confident alpha male and talked her to directly when things started getting real weird, or just been SPINNING PLATES ie banging several broads at the same time like cool alpha men do.

it seems like a lot of work an effort, ie to actually spin a plate is not easy or fun, but i guess to these alpha males it must not be that hard, because the pros outweigh the cons, or else they wouldn’t keep doing it. and would just say fook this shit and quit. like i did for my job. but there the cons of working with HER outweighed the pros of me finally started to Turn The Tide in the Constant War of my job.

whenever i look at job postings im like “I COULDNT DO THIS. I CANT DO THIS.” i would be an impostor not knowing what i was doing, looking like an overwhelmed idiot, just like at my old job. and reading the damn postings my first thought is to cry like a bitch, because i cant handle or do basic entry-level jobs, i will never make 15dah like the kids many years younger than me, i wasted my whole 20s hahahahaha. with severe underemployment and even severer underwomen hahahaha. i was gonna say undersexed but i don’t really care about getting sex NEARLY as much as i care about getting cuddles and luv and rels and warmth, of which sex is only a PART, and not the MAIN part. not a goal unto itself. those other things are the goal. that whole package. whatever you call it, i am severely under on it hahaha.

did you know that on the job training is a benefit? many jobs do not even provide on the job training. and OJT simply means you are put into situation where you look like an idiot and have to scramble to ask somebody for help RIGHT NOW and they get mad at you. so whats the alternative to OJT? SELF TRAINING AFTER THE SHIFT. that what i do.

wow jobs suck. all jobs suck. all jobs push you to the limit so that you are always on the verge of a nervous breakdown and threatening to quit. my company was actually pretty GOOD. just that i couldn’t handle THAT PERSON. O GOD. we used to get along SO WELL. and now she will move on and improve her life, and i will continue to fall behind. why couldn’t she have just been willing and able to Share Her Life with me. now her life will improve and mine will get worse. i cant support myself on these god damn 8 dah jobs!!!!!!! with no training! always pushed to the limit! being forced to scam customers to save money! i don’t want to scam people!!!! i don’t want to be abused and bullied and harassed all day! i just want to do a JOB. tell me what to do and ill do it. but many/most jobs are not well-defined at all. it is stupid WEIRD PROBLEM SOLVING all day, where its better to do a shitty solution quickly, than a good solution. god damn.

did a 5 miler, that was ok.

looked at jobs in the morning, that was rough. the best i found was a damn 10 dollar an hour warehouse job.

so internal customers are better than external customers. and I was dealing with only internal customers!!!! but i really didn’t like the call center. AND the constant sense that i didn’t know what i was doing. trying to walk callers through stuff where i didn’t know what i was doing. people calling me to fix their problems, when i knew LESS about things than THEY did. I just had to be THAT much sharper than they were.

shit i might even reapply there if i know SHE is gone. she’ll probably be moving UP in her damn career within a year, then shell be making like 18 DAH hahahaha. god damn i HATE the idea of her being more successful than me. she is 8 years younger than me, and less educated than me, and less smart than me, but i have watched her go from being less successful than me, equally successful as me, then rejecting me brutally, then becoming more successful than me. being my superior in the battle of life essentially. all because she is more emotionally stable and can deal with shit better. yet she is less emotionally intelligent! she can just ignore the shitty things she does and keep on improving her life. also her anxiety and worry is not as bad as me. she is always smoking w33d hahahaha what a n199er drug. yet she is way more successful and fast track than me.

i never thought she would treat me so bad. it was so shocking and surprising. i never thought she was capable of something like that. it really rocked my world! and yeah i really STILL can’t see working in the same office as her. i HAD to get out of there.

shit. she was a big source of confidence for me. when things were going well with her, i was more confident. when things went bad with her, my confidence crashed.

i am thankful to have plenty of good people and things in my life, but she was still very very important to me. i didn’t have anyone else playing that role, that is, a female friend who was nice to me (at one point.) this is a different kind of rel than Family or Same Sex Friendship. It was friendship with the Tenderness that only a Decent Woman can bring. so yeah it’s no surprise that I got feelings for her, ESPECIALLY once she Became Single. and it IS surprising that she treated me the way she did, because i didn’t think she was capable of being so cold and callous. to me. i didn’t think she had it in her. i still can’t believe it. which is what tempts me to contact her: do you really realize what you just did? do you realize how bad that was? i don’t think you MEANT to hurt me so much! please take another chance! gimme another chance! please respond im begging you! im sorry for being weird!

it’s not like the WHOLE THING was a fantasy, like it was with All Other Women. we actually had a Real Relationship of sorts. a solid foundation. not a castle built on sand.

BUT she stopped being good to me a long time ago, stopping putting in any effort around jan or feb. at this point i was in denial, didn’t want to believe it, wanted to ignore the bad stuff.

but even when she was being horrible, just seeing her gave me a fix. it was real easy to pretend everything would work out for the best.

well at least i know i would never dump a person like that, and i learned valuable lessons about We Need To Talk about Muh feelings ASAP.

i just hate it when people want to BAIL rather than WORK on things. it’s not like this is a JOB that you just ragequit (although i did that too!). these are peoples HEARTS.

it says you’re not important enough to me, i would rather throw you away than put in any effort. it is crushing to be on the receving end of that.

also, she was very important to me, i was ONCE important to her, and then i went to being SO UNimportant to her, that she just threw me away. it does a number on the confidence and self-esteem hahahaha.

someone built you up, then they break you down. worst “breakup” ever. because it was the most meaningful deepest rel i ever had with a woman ever. that is a big deal. i was closer to her than i was to girls i fooked, i liked her more, knew her better, knew her longer. thats why im so goddam heartbroken. plus this time i dont have alcohol to help me get through it like i did last time i had a Big Heartbreak.

its amazing anybody ever gets over a heartbreak! its in some ways WORSE than a death! because they’re still alive, they’ve just rejected you and removed you from their life with hard feelings!

ive said all this. shit.

in other rels i was never really “downgraded” like this, because i was never upgraded to begin with. here i went from being liked……to being disliked. this hurts alot. when someone likes you, then STOPS liking you. she didnt HAVE to do that.

i thought we at least respected each other as human beings. i certainly did to her. and she used to. just because someone doesnt LIKE LIKE you doesnt mean they HAVE TO stop respecting you as a human being.

i approached her with warmth and kindness. she “approached” me with coldness and ignoring and disdain.

there was really nothing i could do.

dear person, why couldnt you just talk to me. i was devastated. how could you do that to me. you didnt have to like me. i just wish you had treated me like a PERSON, like you USED to. i know i wasnt perfect, i know i didnt communicate the best, but i was trying.

Resolve complex questions and problems usually without help. this exact sentence was in a job description probably for a no more than 15dahj.

i looked for “mental health” jobs and there was one that didnt require a MASTERZ degree and state licensure, and it was like 10 dah and the org was very low rated as incompetent and sucky and a horrible place for staff and patients and there was a video provided by the company where people talked about how hard and ugly the job is, getting attacked and beat every day by completely mentally disabled people, but you do it because you love the work, not because you want to get paid more than 10dah. its a calling. with tender piano music in the soundtrack.

well i would rather get beat by demented people rather than screamed at by Unreasonable Customers!

my former employer got good ratings as a good place to work!

and the people really were not bad! but i seriously cant deal with HER. THAT PERSON.

she unfriended ME.

she blocked ME.

i wrote her BOOKS worth of long emails.

she didn’t respond to these with ONE SINGLE WORD.

how can you do that? isn’t it EASIER just to write one sentence: “stop contacting me. i never want to talk to you ever again.” i think i would have PREFERRED that!

instead i kept sending emails for the next MONTH BEGGING her. and NOTHING from her. not one damn word. not even “stop stalking me weirdo or i will get a restraining order. fook you loser. im gonna get with tyrone hes 90000 times the man you are, virgin loser.  i was disgusted by the idea that you think i was even in your shit league. im a 25 year old gurl. how could i go out with an old bald fat short loser faggy sissy like you. i want a REAL man to fook me GOOD.”

anyway it was terrible for my confidence, which is in turn terrible for my job search. you HAVE to be confident. right now i feel like i cant even do basic jobs. let alone jobs that openly advertise you have to have “INGENUITY” to solve difficult problems WITHOUT HELP.

well fook you, then dont yell at me or fire me when i fook shit up then bitches.

hahaha i wish i was born 40 years ago hahahaha. in my area people were upper working class lifted up By The Unions. I guess this is shitty because the unions got greedy and killed the golden goose? so now the next generation could not get Good Union Manufacturing jobs? that that good living they made was Greedy and Overinflated?

so yeah that Union Upper Working Class, which likes to call itself “THE MIDDLE CLASS” was a big thing in the Modern History of my home area. and now of course its on the decline. but people still manage to do well with their college and trade school. why cant I? because i dont have the initiative, hustle, grit, TOUGHNESS. you have to be TOUGH and i have NEVER been TOUGH. and that has been my downfall.

got my customer service 101 book by eventon? everton? today.




dec 11 2014

i repeat, most people are smart enough to do most jobs. the average mud skinned amerifat with an average iq of 90 is smart enough to be a hardcore engineer, a rocket scientist. it’s more a matter of persitence and hard work and never giving up, and energy, and work ethic. patience, stick to itiveness, disclipline, maturity, normalfagness, general mental health and stability. responsibility.

and then also normalfag social skills are HUGE for winning jobs and friends and mates, passing interviews, and getting along in the workplace.

gilmartin sez that most firings (have i already said this? probbably) are not due to technical f00kups, but because the person is socially awkward and not a team player, and weird, kissless, virgin, loveshy, r9k, neet, autist, virgin.

have pictures of yourself wearing a SUIT and looking like a Professional, Highly Paid Executive, then use this picture for your linkedin and fagbook.

if you live in an area with snow, go into debt to buy a f00king snowblower. i don’t usually advise going into debt, but for this you should. don’t go into debt for college, but def do for a snowblower. or a suit. or probably a car. but not a house.

that or just get such a stressful and busy job, that you don’t have the time or the appetite to eat.

yeah so theres no real jobs for my passion in life, helping loser males become winners. closest thing would be: counselor, social worker, shrink, pick up artist coach, life coach.  dont wanna get a masterz degree, so probably being an entrepreneur opening up my own pickup skool would be the best. or unlicensed life coaching skool. or unlicensed shrink business hehe.

dec 13 2014 sat tom off 712pm

yes. that is my mission in life. my porpoise. to start that business to help losers become winners. which is also the mission of this blog. basically to get decent upper working class jobs they can survive on, and to have their FIRST choice of wimmin, rather than have to settle for a distant second, when you wish you could be with someone else. then it’s way better to be alone.

like when you hear a beautiful song, what gurl does that make you think of? that’s your first choice.

i guess ideally it would cause you to think of NO gurl, but just say damn so and so writes some beautiful songs, ideally women COULD make you feel like that, but they can’t, and if they do, they reject you.

anyway all you need to not be a sad loser, and be a happy winner, is to have an upper working class job with health care, and a woman that you truly luv. that’s it. well a good family helps. so these are the main goalz i want to help u achieve.

i think nature and nurture are both 50 50. there is a normal bell curve of the population, where the vast majority of the people are bell curved around that 50 50 mark.

meaning: nurture and nature are equally important. fact.

and some people, you cannot overcome their nature with a ton of nurture. and vice versa.

and also we need to respect real, natural group differences.

meaning blacks don’t necessarily HAVE to become criminal thugs. but also, black police should police black communities, and, most important, black fathers need to be very active in the lives of their black sons, because the current black fatherless matriarchy produces very thuggish, violent young black men, and skanky black women having broods of black chirren with those thuggish black men, repeating the cycle of poverty hehehe.

I TOLD YOU I am a racist!

bottom line is, black families NEED fathers. might even need them more than white families. well, white families need them too. ALL families NEED fathers.

now sometimes you need practice women, to bang women you aren’t really in luv with, so you can comfrotbale and not nervous around women, and this will give you the confidence and masculinity needed to pull the women you really DO want.

i have been rejected by more would-be suitors than you have accepted, wh0re!

heh. i would prob be less mad if she just texted me with “no sorry maybe some other time.” but no text whatsoever. maybe this is a sh1t test, hahaha.

of COURSE the best thing to do is just let it be.

meanwhile i will live out my lifes mission of helping losers like us become winners with decent jobs and with VERY decent women.


nov 15 sat 808pm

ok female fren has till 9 pm to text me. maybe 930 at the very latest but damn will i be p1ssed then.

thats if she even texts at all. hey i can’t complain i knew what i was getting into, and she never promised anything, and i estimated my odds at 35% at best. so really i am ready to just stay in for the night and chill out at home and be thankful for all my comforts. watch tv, read antisemitic websites hahahahahaahahhahaha.

actually i am too tired to do that. wouldn’t mind smoking some W. and to be honest that would be another nice perk of hanging out with my female fren, is that she likes to do that sometimes. not too much. but pretty sure she would do that with moi. and i wouldn’t discourage her!!!!!!!

but i don’t even really feel like doing anything else. not reading, not even reading 4chan. kinda feel like blogging, this is bretty good mang, i’m thankful for it.

i could also eat like 9000 bowls of spicy stir fry beef with noodles. smoke weed and go do that and then poop brains out for my whole sunday off.

that is not the type of thing i could do if i went out to dinner with my female fren.

hmmm. maybe drink another throwback mt dew w real sugar, real good.

bought a small back of “menthol gold” tobacco at the tobacconist. of course i prefer to smoke non menthol but every once in a while i want the luxury of enjoying a menthol for maybe 5% of my cigs. and why not.

sure, working class people smoke menthols. but there aint nothing wrong with working class. it is where i come from. well, upper working class of unions and stuff, the type of thing where they like to call themselves middle class, and unions protecting the middle class though. i call it upper working class though, while lower middle class have like college degrees and careers.

middle middle class have real good careers, and upper middle class would be like doctors and lawyers and VP’s.

upper class are so rich we don’t even need to describe them, we will never meet them. PLutocrats, top 1%, CEO’s, banksters, the ruling class, elites, etc.

if you’re in the working class you will probably never meet one of these. and even the highest of the middle class are not going to meet a lot of them.

if you have be above average intelligence to have a fulltime working class job……… then how is the average person employed fulltime in a working class or above job????

also shaving your own neck is the best thing ever. i am so happy i did it. i should have been doing this for years. yes. you can shave the back of your own neck and it will look great and you will be very happy about it.

920pm. got 10 minutes baby. honestly. i was going to bed at this time last saturday!!! watch she will text me at like 945 or 10 pm or something. when i said that 930 was my cutoff time.

next day

858 am. early to bed, early to rise. by 10 pm last night i was so tired. turned everything off and went promptly to sleep. got up early today and wanted to play on internet, wanted to blog and sh1t.

can’t really complain because female fren did not COMMIT to anything. sneaky eh? i gotta learn how to do that, when it comes to wimmin, hahahahaha.  no i don’t think she is deliberately screwing me, besides, i knew the odds were NOT in my favor to begin with. also she is not likely to be out partying taking d1k, but more likely to be staying at home just tired.

heh she might be at three strikes by now hahaha. but she can clear it if she texts me today and says sorry and even better come hang out on sunday. i can hang out on sunday, just has to be early.

had a weird dream where i got into big trouble at Werk for making an honest mistake where i didn’t realize the consequences. This stems from a message i actually got at werk saying please don’t do this because the consequences could be serious. i said thank you, duly noted, i did not know that, thank you, sorry. and that will hopefully be the end of it. but in the dream, there was a huge meeting with all of my managers and it was like they were telling me i had cancer or something. they said i was a great worker which made this all the more unfair. they didn’t want to have to do this, but i still had majorly screwed up.

they said i was going to be able to keep my job and i said thank god thank god, i swear i was not being negligent or incompetent, i just didn’t know!!!! later i said to a manager, you can garnish my wages to help pay for the damage i cause, and then they said, yeah, yeah. Oh yes, we will be garnishing your wages. Not saying the amount, but in a way that implied they were gonna garnish the HELL out of me for a long time because it was a HUGE amount of money, much larger than I thought. so that kinda backfired on me, i  was hoping only for a small garnish at worst. and why didn’t they tell me during the meeting that they’d be taking a huge chunk of my pay? wtf? should i quit? could they still come after me for the money??

first real stressful work-related dream, hahahaha. in real life it wasn’t that bad. the guy just said it as an fyi. i guess it could blow up into a big thing, but i don’t think it will. i will take the warning to heart though and not make the same mistake again. see, there are so many potential mistakes you can make, that you should never make, and it’s hard to remember them all. no easy job.


oct 9 2014 thurs day off

it is beautiful and sunny, i should be outside, but i want to be inside playing on internet lazily like the good ole days hehehe.

paying out of pocket for crentist teeth cleaning at 2 pm. 1225 right now. got to poop and take shower and bursh teeth and floss before then in 95 mins. erm. drinking plenty of coffee. had small brkfst. listening to valaam. i only can listen to valaam. valaam is musical valium.

life tip: get your calendar to send you EMAIL of important events at least 3 days in advance. becuase you might not check your calendar every day but i guarantee you check your email. so make your email act like your calendar in this way. NICE. for the win.

women wouldn’t be so cold all the time if they didn’t wear sleeveless dresses in the fall and winter, hahahahahaha. it’s called wear a long sleeved shirt for gods sakes. but i get cold pretty easily in my old age.

went to bed last night at 10 pm, slept till like 11 am. NICE.

all about dat bass.

stupid pop song but its catchy and captures this moment in time for me.

i didn’t realize it was a FAT POSITIVE thing. oh well. still catchy.

later. well i got back from crentist, gift, gas, grocery. i should be doing lawn, then pwalk, then cigs. but i ate early dinner and wanted to play around on internet before doing those things.

i am happy that at the groc store i found a great pair of tan pants. they were having a sale on pants from 25 dolllars to 18 dollars. so why not sell them at 18 dollars all the time. i found a pair of Classic Fit Flat Front. this is the best kind of pants you can get. Classic Fit sits nice and high on the waist and has a lot of room between waist and crotch. excellent. i was becoming increasingly disatisfied with my current khaki pants, as they sit too low and i don’t like that. makes you look like a f4gg0t who likes to get fooked up the 455.

thank GOD i have $18 I can afford to spend on PANTZ.

sending muh 200 soldiers to defeat wild mary NOW. wow. this is a BIG DEAL.

WOW. i beat wild mary. and it only took 84 soldiers, not all 200.  well, i wasn’t gonna take any chances. suck muh d, b1tchez.

guzzle cvm from muh c0q, wh0res.

i blame pornography. i am a victim of watching too much pornography during my youth, so now i don’t know how to deal with women.

ok time to do muh chores and stop Laying ABout.

saturday. oct 11. 7.11 pm.

got 30 minutes of overtime. no easy day. never is, hehehe. my easiest day is harder than most people’s hardest day, hehehehe.

should take a valium right now. ok fine i will. and i did. this is because i don’t have w33d hehehe.

working 2 hours of overtime on wednesday. nice.

i should not be so on the fence about my female friend. but now it’s fluctuating day by day. i mean i probably should “pull the trigger” and make a push for her already, what am i waiting for? A woman I am all desperate and Absolutely Cray Cray for like WOman 7? Kind of, yes.  my Passion for Female Friend is increasing, but it’s def not at that level.  but maybe I should just Push already, because she is a great person and would make a Good Gurlfran. and this is all arrogantly assuming she would Like Like an old, fat, short, bald, fat guy like me.

so yeah i should push for her. not let muh fear of intimacy and wimmin get in the way. attempt to get an actual gurlfran for the first time in muh life. i just never expected it might happen out of “conversion” from a platonic female friend. could it? maybe. I mean i have known her since…..january 2013? almost 2 years?

but yeah we get along real well, just don’t have a lot of time to hang out because of jobs.

eh i can give it a try tfor a year. i would treat her good. I like her as a person very much. we could try having sechs and it really wouldn’t be TOO weird, i’ve been working myself up on that front. we could do a lot of fun stuff, I would like to bring some more fun into her life. go to nice dinners, go do fun things, etc. i don’t think her previous boifran was too into that, and i like to think i would treat her quite a bit better. and if she doesn’t want to be treated nice, well then i know she is not the right gurl then. but i think she would take well to it, she is surprisingly well adjusted. other than putting up with perhaps cold and distant boifranz. but i wouldn’t be a supplicating beta either, i can assure you.

are working class more family oriented? good search. I bet they are.  Sure. Yes they are. Working class are more family oriented, and love their families more, than the middle class does. middle class are a bunch of anti-family, status obsessed, neurotic marxists, that only care about their children getting into harvard. and they move far away from their families to new york or LA or DC, and they have fewer children, if any, and have more abortions. citations not needed. f00k those middle class f4gg0ts. working class 4 lyfe.

BUT, it’s crucial for me to add, MY working class is Intellectual, Intelligent, Intelligence-Valuing, Logical, Rational, Scientific, Philosophical, Skeptical, and not Degenerate. A very noble, gentlemanly Working Class.

Upper Working Class. hehehehe.


apr 25

now watching ghostbusters 1 on tv and thinking about the bill murray / sigourney weaver dynamic. why is he so attracted to her? what’s her value add? she’s always been ugly and mannish! But then I thought, well, she’s certainly better looking the younger she gets. In fact, if she were a little younger, and a little naturally better looking, she might look vaguely like…..GIRL 7 !!! Yes, years ago, I was head over heels in Luv with a Gurl Who Looked Like Sigourney Weaver!

With signif differences though. not AS mannish. And younger. and straight dark hair, not curly red hair.

but the more important point is, bill murray is charming and alpha as f00k, this is how you pull women, yet she gives him a b1tch shield at every opportunity. But I think she eventually relents, as she should, as she should have done earlier, because bill’s game was TOIGHT.

which leads us to the MOST important point: in ghostbusters 2, she has a BABY. Who’s the FATHER? I don’t think it’s Bill MUrray!! And why the hell isn’t it??!?!?!?! I thought he was officially dating her by the end of G1. So what? She dumps him, has a fling with some fly by night guy, gets preggers, the guy disappears, and now bill murray has to swoop in to play captain save a ho like a huge beta? so by g2, him being in supplicating luv with a woman who rejected him, and willing to play father to another man’s baby, bill has lost all his game and become a desperate supplicating beta.

i could be wrong, i have forgotten some of the details. maybe it IS bill’s baby, maybe she never dumped him.

now Vigo from G2, he was Alpha As F00k. Be Like Him. or bill murray from G1.

Be like a CEO. CEO’s HAVE to be Alpha. Intimidatingly Alpha. Dat Feel when your Boss’s Boss comes by and just exudes POWER. That is what you want to have, to bnag 18 yo wimmin.

bnag bnag bnag.

236p. ok was semi productive. did some household chores, cut the lawn, AND THEN went for a 3.2 mile powerwalk on a beautiful sunny saturday afternoon. put the player on shuffle and “europe endless” by kraftwerk came on and was the perfect song for the moment. very positive vibes song:

and now i’m too lazy to take a shower even though i am filthy and smell horrible and need to take a shower, but too lazy, thinking about taking nap instead.

do u know any 18 year old grils i can bnag?

this is why you need to sow your wild oats. pref when you’re young. because if you got old without sowing them… still have to sow them. you will be in your 30s and still want to bang tons of 18 yos. I wonder: say you banged a ton of 18 yos when you were 18. would this wild oat sowing make it so that you were not so obsessed with banging 18 yos when you were in your 30s??? Kind of a moot point for me, but still. and interesting moot point.

well you prob still find 18 yos attractive, you just don’t care about BANGING them so much, it doesn’t CONSUME you, you’re not OBSESSED with it, because you’ve already done enough of it, and you’ve moved on with your life, and can focus on more Age Appropriate things, like Marriage, Fatherhood, and Career.


apr 27

on saturday watched TWO movies. this is fun. i was finally chilled out enough to watch one movie, so i watched two. then went to bed semi early.

create a facebook account with a totally fake name, and then become friends only with your very closest friends. people that you like and respect and like hanging out with and talking to, and who know you and like you despite you being a loser. and this is the only facebook account you should have, hehehe. and tell them not to tell other people, though don’t get too mad if they do, just don’t accept friend requests from any “outsiders.”

use website “fake name generator” to come up with a good fake name if you dont want to do it yourself.

so i was thinking. should you just be a deadbeat dad and impregnate crap women just for the sake of continuing your line, pump and dump and leave babies all over?

no, the more honorable thing is to be a Good Father, because we are not JUST Animals, we are Human Beings, with Morality and Intelligence and Honor, PLUS Fatherlessness is one of THE main causes behind most social problems: crime, drugs, loserness, etc, and you don’t want to contribute to those things by being a deadbeat father!!


so. what do you do when you “identify yourself” as (upper!) working class, but are more attracted to Middle Class Gurls? I think we already discussed this, solved this problem, with the very idea of Upper Working Class, which has the so called “intelligence” of the middle class but without none of the marxist or leftist. Go For Upper Working Class Women!

women shmimmin, gotta make MONAY first. or be a hip musician or artist. or a gangster criminal thug. take your pick. hehehehe. anything BUT a loser basically, hehehe.

so just save your money and take a vacay to ukraine where the hookers are actually bangably attractive instead of tattooed up meth wh0res.

hehe. yes i KNOW that is not realistic, that that costs WAY too much money.

ok how about this.

go to the nearest big city. can’t be more than 100 miles away. find the Hipster Young Person neighborhood with young just-out-of-college gurls. go to parties and bars there all the time and bang young grills who are looking to party. sow wild oats for years. the end.


fri 1 24, 1129 p

yep can’t do a full post here. too tired. drink coffee and crash. very cold day, super cold and then very windy on top of it, made Smoking Outside really difficult. and when you have a Super Stressful Job, SMOKING is a MUST. You’re an idiot if you DON’T smoke.

too wiped out to even listen to music, just watching family guy filth in the bg, dam this show is filth. gimme american dad all day instead. DONE with fam guy.

so anyway, if i get laid off, I must not take it personally, because they WANT to lay ALL the new people off, they are looking for ANY reason, plus the people there NOW were given MORE CHANCES when THEY started, THEY had it EASIER than WE do. Period. Fact. Yes that is the way the Business World works sometimes, I guess that’s fine. it will mean I get this weight lifted from muh shoulders hehehehe.

My advice to You is, move back in with your Family, bonus points if they are Above Water on their Mortgage, then when they die, you remain in the house, and one day, you will prob own the house, and then just stay there until you neighborhood Goes Bad as many neighborhoods inevitably do. see how that works?

it is all very interesting. Bourgeois Middle Class people never live in neighborhoods that “go bad”. In a way I am Middle Class enough because when my childhood neighborhood started to go bad, we had the Middle Class Privilege of being able to Move Away from that. Many people do not have that privilege.

I won’t even discuss How or Why Neighborhoods Go Bad, just that they DO, and this makes life unpleasant for the people who live there. PERIOD.

so then you try to find an affordable neighborhood that won’t go Bad for like 30 years. some neighborhoods never go bad, and the home values go up instead of go down.

for some people, Renting probably IS a better deal than buying. instead of the Ideal of Home Ownership being the American Dream. because it’s not owning a home, it’s being a Debt Slave for 30 years, a huge albatross around your neck, a TRAP, worse than a wife, hahaha. DON’T GET SUCKERED INTO A MORTGAGE.

heh. unless you are sure your house will be worth MORE in 30 years.

My fam was/is Solid Upper Working Class, Lower Middle Class, Union Jobs, etc, classic live within your means, save, fiscally conservative, don’t take out huge loans, try to pay your house off, etc, and I really appreciate those values, that ethic. because it guarantees me a house to live in for the next 30 years hehehehehe, a place off of the streets. and muh current neighborhood might just last another 30 years before it turns into a “GHETTO” hehehhe.

“calling a neighborhood a GHETTO is RACIST!!!!”

again, not even gonna get into that. I AM a little racist, I don’t care if saying that is a little racist, if the nieghborhood were full of poor law-abiding minorities it wouldn’t be a ghetto, it’s when they are poor AND belligerent.

i have reached the age where I don’t care anymore about being a racist. SO BE IT. there are more important things in life, like finding a decent job, finding decent mates, finding a decent home.  who cares if you’re so RACIST that you don’t want to live in a GHETTO. caring about that BS is for 20 year olds and collegefags.

When the Going Gets Tuff, the Tuff Get RACIST.

Imma Racist And I Don’t Care, Imma Racist and I Don’t Care.

Heh. Getting Laid off would give me plenty of time to make my Documentary about Job Searching and Surviving in 2014, for people who Aspire to be Upper Working Class.

Maybe the more reasonable thing is to Aspire to be Middle or Lower Working Class? well, muh current Godawful Job is prob Middle Working Class. And it’s already hard as hell to hold down THAT job.

so i guess lower working class would essentially be Working Poor. Aspire To Be Working Poor. working at walmart, minimum wage, several low-wage part time jobs. and this is clearly the way Jobs Are Going.

nothing really profound there, and this not prounfound realization drive many people to become COMMUNISTS, and I almost went that way, and I don’t want to go that way again. No Sir. The Right is Right for me. Of course I can still be a Strict Rightist and be against CRONY Capitalism, right?  well, I am becoming more of a Nationalist anyway, I believe that a country should look out for the best interests of its citizens, ie, keeping wages high in the nation. BUT without minimum wage laws. so how then. how to Stimulate Job Growth In Your Country. I dunno, I don’t have an MBA hahahaha.

Well not taking out huge loans to buy a house and go to college would be a great first step, that most average people could easily take, that would involve no gummint intervention whatsoever.

or maybe just work for your family business. Your Father can’t fire you, hahahahahaha. but he can pay you nothing. but you can prob get in on his business health care and live at his house, hehehe. Not really sure, did not come from an Entrepreneurial Family. But some people do. Like First Gen Immigrants who come over and start a business and have kidz. Good for them I say. Maybe. But I would rather instill that work ethic into Muh Fellow Americans. or just muh self, hahaha.

maybe i just have a horrible work ethic and THAT is what makes me unable to hold down a Middle Working Class Job, hahahaha. just don’t have the Right Attitude for SURVIVAL. just a morally lazy loser, hehehe. no that can’t be, that is what I am fighting against, and helping you fight against, so we can call survive on this gay earth, in this super ridiculous Working World.



sun july 14 2013

wow. just forced myself to write a new cover letter from scratch. The posting had Three “Desired Qualifications”, ie, things that will make you Seriously Callbackable, so I addressed each one of those specifically. THEN said I bring a certain je ne sais qua because I am that awesome. I am the most perfect candidate for the job over all the MIT gradz. Who, obviously, are too good for this job.

* but the main thing I wanted to write about today was a DREAM I had about the most recent Girl, Girl 7. I had my Official Rejection from Girl 7 in early October 2012, and swore it would take No Less Than Nine Months to Get Over Her. Well, that was just about right. Although maybe a YEAR would be even better. I certainly haven’t developed FEEEEEELINGS towards any other women, well, other than than HNNNNGGGGGG feeling I occasionally get for Young Prime Of Youth Girls!

In the dream I was meeting her out of the blue, a surprise chance meeting somewhere public. I tried to be pleasant and polite and charming and alpha, but I was still In Luv with her, still Butthurt about being rejected, trying not to show it. Adding to the Butthurt was that she was much more Successful than I. Now in real life, this is the case. She was a motivated, engaged, high-achieving student in a program that guarantees a Good Job for at least the Top 20% of Achievers in that program, which she certainly was. Good Lower Middle Class job at the Bachelors Degree Level. (Health Care field, won’t say more than that!) She was young, she clearly did everything right, and thus she reaped what she sowed. Got what she deserved. A Good Job immediately after doing Well and working hard in a Useful Degree.

So that adds to My Butthurt. That she was str8 up the kind of Hard Working Person and Good Student I always wanted to be, but I hate skool too much to do so. Plus I feeeeel way too old.  Anyway when I was her age and in skool I hated skool too much, then starting smoking too much w33d, not Overachieving, and performance slipping, hating everything. I didn’t just want HER, but I wanted her Healthy Mind, where she didn’t hate skool, and she did the right thing re skool, and now has a nice little lower middle class life, job security, making decent money at a young age, good stable respectable job right out of college, might go back for masters degree later, but doesn’t even really HAVE to!

The dream I pretty much already explained. I met her randomly, we talked, I was immediately feeling butthurt, and trying and failing to hide it, being all omega about her winning in life, me losing in life, and her rejecting me.

THANKFULLY that was about it, nothing extreme, no her getting Gangbanged in front of me. Dream ended pretty quickly. I USED to have TONS of VERY vivid dreams, even just like a year ago; now, hardly anything.

The point is, No Contact is Necessary. If I WERE to Real Life See Her again, that would be Ripping Open a Gaping Wound and the past 9 months would be Flushed Down The Crapper. Because when True Luv is THAT Real, it isn’t some fleeting thing that goes away in a few weeks or a few months. It’s FO LIFE. That’s when you KNOW it’s REAL. Thus, I must keep No Contact with her, FO LIFE.

Normalfags think this is creepy, omega, weird, obsessive, stalkery, scary, whatever. This Is What I Think True Love Is. You Go Literally CRAZY for the person. It is stronger than ANYTHING you’ve ever felt before. The idea of MARRYING them sounds GOOD. CRAZY In Luv.

So her, I totally wanted to Monogamously Date. Started as Infatuation, then the Infatuation LASTED months and months and months as I got to know her better. My mistake of course was obviously Taking Too Long, but I had an ok reason for that, which I won’t mention here. As soon as that reason disappeared, I more blatantly tried to Escalate, because I had already waited too long and couldn’t take it anymore, and needed some kind of answer, and boy did I get it!

Heh. At least I didn’t get FRIENDZONED, hahahaha.

TLDR: that dream sucked because it brought her back up after many months, but it didn’t suck as bad as it could have, and usually dreams only affect you only one day after you have them, so things will be fine starting tomorrow.

But yeah you know you were in LOVE with somebody when you have a DREAM about them 9 months after not seeing them. So continue not seeing them. No Contact is simply The Best Thing There Is. God Damn, I would be an even BIGGER loser if I were not in No Contact with her. Could you imagine. Me looking at her FACEBOOK for the next 10 YEARS, watching her Update her Career and her Relationships! I have a Fake Facebook that I use just to Log In to facebook, and I would use it just to look at her profile picture regularly; she was smart enough not to make anything else public. I couldn’t even imagine being REALLY on Facebook and having her as my Friend where I could actually SEE all those soul-crushing details!



* Also, if you can go to an ALL-MALE COLLEGE, DO IT. hahaha not too many of those. But you do NOT want to be DISTRACTED by the thought of WOMEN during your Make It Or Break It College Years. All it takes it One Wrong Woman and you will go CRAZY and flush your whole LIFE down the toilet, and you can’t even rightfully BLAME it on her, because it’s YOUR OWN fault to overreact so much…..but that doesn’t get your life back out of the toilet and your College Years Unruined!

* So they don’t have Tutors for the Hardest Classes, where you’d actually need the tutors the most. So whaddya do?

* BECOME STUDY BUDDIES WITH THE SMARTEST KID IN CLASS. Use HIM as your tutor. There’s always one kid who knows everything, has the highest grade, always answering questions, always studying, you know right away he’s gonna Succeed In Life. Real Good Work Ethic. So you GLOM ONTO HIM. Be like Hey Buddy Can I Go With You To The Library and we can study, No Homo? There you can do homework and study for tests and learn from him, emulate his habits, ask him questions about what led him to this point and what he’s gonna do in the future, and you can become his clone. More on that later. GREAT Idea. It doesn’t matter that there’s no tutor, you can Make Your Own Tutor with Smart Study Buddy!