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but 90% of it is detailed one specific event: GOIN TO KOHLS.

dec 12 841 pm thurs

yep had last day of Underwork today, 3 days off, then start New Lower Middle Working Class Fulltime Job on MONDAY. Yep never had an experience where I left on Great Terms, with proper 2 week notice, saying goodbyes, me giving them cards, them giving me cards, it was very nice, but I was nervous for this actual day, well it’s all over now thankfully, very nice people, thank GOD. very nervous about new job, very worried, but my new mantra is: “JUST LAST A YEAR. JUST MAKE IT ONE YEAR. GIVE IT ONE YEAR.”

Because if you quit a job before one year it is a gap and short hop and shows you have perseverence or stick to itive ness and give up easily hehehehe. Unless you have found a better job of course, with your f4gg0t masters degree.

so I was at muh underjob for FIVE years, when really THREE years would have been much more realistic. Actually ONE year would have been enough, because it was such an underjob, but my excuse THEN was that I was “busy with skool”, and indeed I took like 70 credits of classes: accounting 1 and 2, economics 1 and 2,, business, marketing, programming, Excel, Databases, C++ 1 and 2, Calculus 1 and 2, ASP.NET, Web Dev, Linux, bla bla bla. Was trying to take classes that would theoretically give me Useful Skills. But that was muh EXCUSE for slacking off on muh job search, because I hate skool, but I hate Job Search even MORE.

And that still might be the case! But quite literally this new job fell into muh lap, and I didn’t have to try hard at all, hehehe. However once on the job, I will be trying very hard, and prob slowing down on this blog quite a bit, because I will be busy working and trying to get a promotion hehehe. See when I am getting PAID TO WORK, then YES that is a SERIOUS Motivator. THen I work HARD. I Outperform everybody, I am the Best Employee. But NOT when it comes to Skool or Unpaid Work. Aren’t I so unambitious hahahahahahaha. F00king F4gg0t world for saying you’re a loser who doesn’t deserve a job, when you just want to work for a living and make money, and money is your main motivation for Working. Back in the Good Old Days, that used to be considered NORMAL, and RIGHTFULLY SO.

losing f00kloads on POkerstars. Folding until I get QQ or better, then going all in. last 2 times I went all in on QQ and got beat, lost muh whole 1000 chip stack because they had a Straight, or a pair of Aces. Lessons Learned? Not sure. Don’t go all in unless its AA and AA only? and then they’ll prob still beat you with 2 pair, 3 of a kind, or a straight, hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

IDeally I would like to “Double Up” muh starting stack of 1000ish, and THEN get more relaxed and play hands under QQ, actually PLAY a lot more hands. ANd then use muh Huge Stack to muh advantage there. But I can’t seem to get that big first pot!!!

fri 13th dec 226pm

went to KOHLS and bought $200 worth of New Clothes for New Job. Felt bretty good. It was full of minivan momz shopping for crimmus. so i tried something diff today: 2 diff things actually: buoght the dress shirts that are in the plastic bag because those seem Super Professional Work Dressy to my mind; and bought some Dress Pants from the Dress Pants section near the Suit Separates section. As opposed to Regular Dockers or Haggar Khakis. Nope. These are more dressy. Haggar or Croft and Barrow Dress Pants, with a crease and pretty polyestery hehehe. Bought a Dark Navy Blue pair and a Gray pair. IMHO most important colors to have. ALready have black.

ALSO cruised by the Nondressy section and grabbed 3 sonoma items because I Luv Sonoma By Kohls, hehehe. Muh secret was, this time I did NOT go to the fitting room. This makes the trip 3 times as long and grueling.

Now, there IS a benfit to using the fitting room to try the stuff on before you buy it. But Assess the mood you are in. If you are like me and procrastinate on buying clothes, it’s prob best to use the shotgun approach, buy as MUCH stuff as possible, and then if it fits REALLY bad, take it back later and you can grab some more stuff then.

Plus Kohls is bretty reasonably priced for the Lower Middle Working Class Budget and you can get nice pants and shirts and sweaters for under $20 apiece and not look like a slob.

But I am VERY GRATEFUL that I can Afford to spend $20 on a SHIRT. I have been saving though, earmarking funds in a Clothes Account.

Yeah and the Dress Pants were $36 apiece. Good God.  The Plastic Bag Dress shirts ranged from $15 (nice!) to $26 (made sure to buy one Extra Nice one.)

You can prob still bring the bagged dress shirts back as long as you fold the shirt and attempt to put it back in the bag. people return stuff to kohls EVERY DAY.

I also feel very comfortable at kohls, in muh comfort zone, because that has been muh go to store all of muh life, and has never really steered me wrong, such that here I don’t really NEED to go out of muh comfort zone, although going out of yer comfrot zone CAN sometimes be VERY beneficial.

For example, Burlington Coat Factory is a very nice alternative to Kohls.

And many times you CAN find nice stuff at the Thrift Store.

How about, try the “Upscale Thrift Store” with “gently used” stuff, which costs a little more than the Real Poor People’s There But For The Grace Of GOD Go I Thrift Store Stuff.

But yeah. Can’t remember the last time I bought 3 pants (2 dress, 1 very nice sonoma corduroy), 4 shirts (3 dress, 1 sonoma), and 1 sweater during ONE clothes run. and it was all said and done in like 70 minutes ALL INCLUDED: driving to kohls, shopping, driving home. In the ridiculously way below avg cold waether. Now I tried on the sweater and it is beautiful but shoula got the XL instead of the L, hehehehehe. And it is a nice enough design that I might actually go back to exchange it.

then went for a powerwalk in the blistering cold.  only 6 more months of this, hahahaha. should really save up for that LIGHT BOX. TEN THOUSAND LUMENS.

anyway reasonably priced clothes are one thing actually worth spending money on, unlike college or cable tv or cars. you will feeeeel more confident with nice new clothes, that is a FACT, and confidence is PRICELESS. It is like being able to Buy Sexytime with 18 yo qt nonhookers. That kind of Alpha Male Masculine Confidence. PRICELESS.

just downloaded the Google Drive App to the hard drive, so you can sync all your stuff apparently. will it take xml files? json files? only time will tell.

anyway. if i had tried on clothes at kohls it would have taken 3 times as long, i would have got 3 times less the amount of clothes, and i really needed a LOT of new clothes because ALL muh clothes look bad and shabby and old and Not Even Lower Lower Working Class.  Lesson Learned: Just trying buying lots of clothes without trying them on until you get sick of going back to return them. Then you can switch to a phase of trying the clothes on, untill you get sick of that. each phase might last a matter of YEARS.

when you find a brand and style you like, say croft and barrow Classic Style Dress Pants, then just buy multiple pairs off kohls.com.

OOOH perfect day to make a new mix cd! so I Did!

OHH protip: back up your saved mix cd playlists to yer cloud drive. google drive. btw it IS letting me save all sorts of weird files like xml and json and wpl. backups of muh 3 main blogs, muh mix cds throuhout history, muh BOOKMARKS, etc. NICE. really don’t care if Google Employees see it, nothing illegal in there, not planning anything illegal. COME AT ME FEDZ.

Heh. I am remembering a pair of Sonoma Jeans I bought like 3 years ago that were just a little too tight in the Thighs, and then for Jeans I swore off of Sonoma, and would only do Lee, Wrangler, or Levi. Of course I have large thighs and Always like a little extra room.

those numbers on the shirts measure your neck and then your arm length. this is very intimidating and I wish they just said S, M, L, XL, because I usually like to go for an L, even though I am not a Tall Man, but Large accomodates muh belly best. but I do have kind of a large neck too. so I found one brand of shirts that had a little bit of a conversion chart of sorts, so I could find something right between medium and large.

And if you have a Weird Body Shape and Size like Moi, then you can never FIND good looking clothes in the proper size, so perhaps it is best to order online.  Get muh size 37 inch waist and 25 inch leg pants, hahahaha jk.

* Did I mention American Dad is a great Comedy TV show to watch to make U Laff and to Improve Yer Mood?



mon dec 2, 846am

yep back to muh underjob. nice quiet morning, slow period, 2 weeks I will be at muh new job. This is a REAL big deal. Let this be Eternal Empirical Incontrovertible PROOF that

good things CAN happen to Old People (title)

So I went to bed at SIX pm last night, because EINSTEIN GOT TEN HOURS OF SLEEP A NIGHT, and etc etc. Then I think I might have passed out for 30 mintues but by 8 pm was awake again and then was awake till like 12 am just thinking and worrying, now that sucked, but often I can Learn Some Lessons the next day out of those sleepless nights. Sometimes I worry about how I’m just so f00ked up compared to Normalfags, and have lost all interest in Skool and Career and Women, and think everything is a SCAM, and just want to watch movies, maybe donate to a few Conservative Causes, and just Give Up on it all.

Actually yesterday I was thinking about what a GREAT IDEA I had: record yourself talking into a recorder for 20 to 30 minutes, and then send THAT to people: old friends, new friends, people on the internet whose blogs and vlogs and writing and lives you admire. Like I’ve been meaning to write a Fan Email to my Fav Youtube Guy, a Conservative Political Commentator I’ve enjoyed for YEARS, who is just a Regular Working Guy and not a professional journalist thank GOD. So I’ve watched all 900000000000 of his videos, His Ratio of Pros to Cons is HUGE, unlike Stefan Molyneux, where I do really like some stuff SM says, but I really DON’T like other stuff. This other guy is just SOLID GOLD and I LOVE him, he is my TRIBE, I SHOULD write to him. I would DONATE to him but he doesn’t have a Donation Button! (The only other guy I would also donate to does not have a donate button.)

Nothing serious, just $20 at Crimmus as a way to say Thanks For The Years Of Awesome Work, Buy Yourself A Lunch On Me, and Don’t Give Up What You’re Doing.

ANYWAY BACK TO MY GREAT MAGIC BULLET, Email the person 20 minutes of you talking. This is a LOT easier than slaving over an email, you can say a lot more, and a lot better, they can get a much better idea of Who You Are, AND, as the Coup De Grace, it’s nowhere near as stressful as a Phone Call or Interview. SUCH A F00KING GREAT IDEA, GREAT JOB UFMLL.

And then I got all excited to try that with the next person to write me an email and then me stressing for weeks abotu emailing them back. and being too much of a whimp to call them like a normalfag.

but I think emailing them your 20 minute speech would be unique and they would remember you positively. Because you don’t sound like an awkward spaghetti pockets when you talk to YOURSELF, which is basically all this is.

Which reminds me, this is what I hate about news shows and talk shows, is that people are always interrupting each other all the time. this is SO ANNOYING. follow like Roberts Rules of Order, give the person 5 minutes to speak, and THEN cut them off, and then address their points in YOUR 5 minutes to talk. Point Counterpoint. I HATE sh1t where you have 5 people all screaming on top of each other.

DEFINITELY the Magic Silver Bullet Of The Month right there. I wish I could get stuff THIS good more often. EMAIL A MP3. Of course, reduce it down to like 32 bitrate, and make sure it’s loud enough. I KNOW there’s gotta be something on that IPHONE you’re paying $100 a month for that can do this.

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Employment TRUTH. Tissue Transfer Technicians. Say Degree Preferred but NOT NECESSARY, WILL TRAIN you how to cut a dead guy’s eye out. Kinda gross, but not as bad as CUSTOMER SERVICE, RESTAURANTS, or RETAIL. And once you get good at it, you can open your OWN Tissue Transfer BUSINESS. In the meantime, you can make enough to live in a safe and fun neighborhood with young attractive people and sow your wild oats, maybe even find a nice wife after you sow your wild oats, and the gurls will actually go out with you because you’ll be making well OVER 37k a year to start. you will make a ton of friends who live right down the street, they won’t be annoying, and they will Stop By when you don’t feel like getting out of bed.

Here’s another tip re Lying To Your Family Over the Holidays: if you just work part time at a Hospital as an Orderly, tell them you work FULL TIME at a Hospital as a Medical Assistant. Not too big of a lie not to be believed, in other words. If you work as a Part Time Dishwasher Busboy in a Restaurant, tell them you are a Full Time Restaurant Manager. Base your LIes in the Truth, and simply stretch the truth a little! (I’ve already used this Magic Bullet before, but it’s def a good one!)

OK, here’s a Real MOderate and Reasonable Life Theory that WILL give you some much-needed Comfort:

Most Men go through a Wild Oats Phase where they just want to bang bang bang bang bang. Now, after they bang a few QTs, it stops becoming an obsession for them, and by late 20s early 30s, they are ready to settle down monogamously for the most part.

BUT If you NEVER get those Wild Oats out of your system, it can cause considerable anxiety, like it does for moi. But I am Optimistic that it is Much Better LATE, than NEVER, and that one can still Catch Up.


heh heh THANK GOD my actual life is not in ruins, I am very thankful for that. But I thought that would be a hilarious response to the Small Talk Introduction Question of “How You Doin” or “How Are Ya”, instead of saying “Good” or “Just Fine, And You” like is expected, you throw a little curve ball with “My Life Is In Ruins”.  Of COURSE this is meant as a joke, you’re not supposed to get all negative nancy and debbie downer and try to get sympathy. it’s a JOKE. learn to have a sense of HUMOR.  Unless your life really IS in ruins. Then I will try to save you.

nov 30, sat, 11:02am

really hope to get muh traffic up hurr with one a day posts hahaha. lord I gotta stop writing like a 16 year old gurl. anyway still on vacation, still blowing off my Independent Study Homework, although to be fair I HAVE been busy about 60% of that blowoff time with New Job related stuff.

Let me clarify that maybe I’m not against The Career Cult wholesale. Like if you really like college and you really like your career and you’re doing ok and not a ridiculous workaholic neglecting your family, and generally moderately happy, then good for you, keep succeeding at your career. If career is really working for you and helping you win and make money and mate and have a good family, by all means, keep doing Career.

But Careers don’t work like that for all of us who attempt them. sometimes they blow up or fizzle out right in our f00king face, and then it seems we can’t do ANYTHING right, and have become huge losers At Life, and just want to give up and not try any more.

Heh. What do you call it when you don’t want to K yourself, don’t want to End The Pain, there’s not really PAIN per se, but you just want to give up and never try any more??

Morally Lazy Loserness. Heh. wish they had a pill to cure that. or at least heal it a bit, hehehe.

Yeah, it’s called 18yo gurls bending over 4 U. And if you can’t pull that, then maybe 26 yo wimmin.

heh. bad luck in cards. got dealt AA TWICE within 10 minutes (#1 best hand ever, you can wait HOURS to get it ONCE). I THINK it’s not a BAD idea to go All In when you get AA, or even KK or QQ. I ramp it up gradually to suck the people in rather than scare them away. finally get all in, have a nice 3000 chip pot, and then lose it all, TWICE, to some guy getting 3 of a kind or a full house or flush. lost 2000 chips that way, and now just lost 1000 more to the same guy because I was (understandably) frustrated.

heh. times like that i am glad I am not playing with real money!

even though I’ve STILL made more “money” in the past 2 months than I have made in 2 years at Muh Underjob!

I guess the Lesson Learned there, is leave the table, don’t buy back in, take a break, and go back to a lower stakes table if you really want to play more that day (I was at the second lowest stakes, not Bottom Barrel Lowest Stakes.)

But yeah. to lose a lot of money on the best possible hand is very frustrating, makes you reconsider Gambling As A Career Choice, makes even College and Internships start to look better! Because the Lesson Learned is, “Best Possible Hand” is a misnomer, because it depends on the f00king FLOP and community cards, which could make AA a sh1tty hand for you, and 2-7 unsuited a Winning hand for your opponent. because say they get 3 4 5 6 suited, heh heh heh. Bad Beats R Us.

And then of course, you can get BAD BEATS in Real Life too, even when you appear to have a great hand, and are wise to make a Big Bet. And then you get a Bad Beat: you get cancer or lose your job or your wife takes your kids and puts you in jail and your LIFE IS IN RUINS.

What makes a man LEbowski, what makes a success. Getting a job? Getting a mate? Getting a good job? getting a good mate? or just banging as many women as you can and having as many mates as possible and spreading your DNA as widely as possible? Don’t worry about SUPPORTING your children, leave that to the Taxpayers and Beta Males. The main goal is to have as many bastard kids as possible. Do kids REALLY need two loving parents? Heck No! We’re just animals! Some kids grow up just fine without two loving parents! While some kids a SCREWUPS even WITH two loving parents! It’s all a crapshoot! just get as many broads pregnant and LEAVE em! so your kids hate you, but at least you have 90000000 kids and they may hate you, but they can’t take your DNA out of them! So start knocking up women as soon as you hit puberty! they try to nail you with child support, you skip town and become a Deadbeat and try to knock up as many broads as possible before you inevitably go to Jail for your Antisocial, Sociopathic Behavior!

Is Morality Itself Inherently Beta? ABSOLUTELY!

Heh heh. All in moderation. Gotta have a balance of Alpha AND Beta traits. And I personally am a BIG fan of Morality, much moreso than I’m a fan of Betaness. I would aim to be a Moral Alpha if you can. Just don’t let people Walk All Over You.


tues oct 15th

If you are being Micromanaged at your Underjob and don’t appreciate it, all the more because you do a ridiculously good job, then write a brief story about it you can tell in an interview later. But specifically go out of your way to say that none of your previous employers did this, because you can’t speak poorly of prev employers. just say, hypoethetically, this is an example of poor management, and here’s what i would do instead. Because I’m a LEADER not a MANAGER. I don’t just do things right, I Do The Right Thing. I Inspire by Example.

Drink Tea / Iced Tea throughout the day instead of coffee all day if you have to stay up for like 36 hours straight to get all your werk done. Coffee is fine at the beginning and middle of the day, but too much too fast will dehydrate you and make you poop your pants. So have two coffee breaks, and rest of the day, drink strong tea.

If you don’t have time to use a Cigarette Machine to make Cigarettes, just buy Roll Your Own and Roll Each Cigarette as you “need” them. Like I’ve been too lazy to sit down and use the machine to make 20 cigs, but I would be willing to ROLL a cig, if I had some Papers.

Note: do NOT buy Zig Zag papers, because they turn brown easily and always look like you’re smokign a Huge Joint. It looks SO Bad.

Buy a bag of Bugler Tobacco, or even better, a huge bag of Pipe Tobacco, and just roll that.

This is all assuming you don’t smoke a LOT. For example, I am lucky to smoke 1 pack per week. less than 3 cigs per day. Usually just one.

Find your local friendly pawn shop and/or gold shop, and start out buying some SILVER there. Silver is like the Poor Man’s Gold. Be sure you check the Market Price before you get there. Right now the price was about $21 an ounce. So go and buy an ounce and see how much it is worth in a year. I remember around 2 years ago when silver was like $15 an ounce. Now it’s $22. Not Bad, uh???? Imagine if I had bought 10 ounces back then! 16 Ounces!

wed 16th

WOW, got home at 1 am, woke up at 453 am, in at 7am, now 752 am. DEF could not do this more than once every….3 weeks? 2 weeks? Anyway I showed largesse by doing a social call, the LESSON LEARNED, and there’s almost always a LESSON LEARNED, that’s the whole reason I tell STORIES, is that

* You should try to sacrifice your Sleep once in a while to Hang Out with your Friends especially if they are doing a fun event. Just to show you care. I was making a tradeoff of sacrificing a regular and beloved Social Event, because of Time Sched Changes, basically, wanting to get proper sleep for getting up Super Early in the AM. Super Early, like earlier than average even for normalfg successfuls with upper working class careerjobs.


10 pm should not be up so late but had to do a min quota of hw, and it’s still 3 hours earlier than last night. HAD to lay down to check my nap having privilege today. Said I would do for 2 hours but knew full well it would be longer. ended up being 3 or 4 hours, not suprising. wasted a bunch of time listening to lifelover and joy division and playing around with the long awaited new version of f.lux: darkroom settings, “ember” brightness at night, really quite friendly on the eyes, even set it to slightly dimmer for during the day, with the hypoth that the comp screen is Just Too Damn Bright Even During The Day.

Lifelover is real kewl, and great for us Emo Feelz Types. Wish they coulda lasted longer. You might think they’re corny but I still find them very honest. Honest Angst here. Anger, Hatred, Sadness, all wrapped up in catchy melodies and painful vocals. Dark haunting bits as well. One of a kind sound, even if all their songs sound The Same, it’s a good sound, hehehe. Would have liked to see them years from now, but the guy died at age 25 or so. pretty simple concept, amazing no one else did it sooner. what is a good “lifelover ripoff band” that can continue that sorta thing. I think you COULD “rip them off” in a respectful way and add new things to that sound. so much potential. Dark Metal combined with Dark Pop essentially. struggle to find the perfect production though. real hard to do programmed drums and make them sound good. prefer the live drums on “dekadens.”

Use f.lux to protect your eyes from the bright computer screen.

new shoes are breaking in ok, might take 2 weeks or more for full break in.

Go to Youtube , type in leadership, and watch vidyas by leadership gurus talking about leadership. Leadership is the same thing as “Management” but uses different BS Buzzwords, and ATM IMHO the Leadership Buzzwords will work better in an Interview than Management Buzzwords. Sounds more Emotionally Intelligent for Today’s Sensitive Managers. Unless you’re interview for a Manager Job, then maybe use a combination of Management AND Leadership Buzzwords. But if you’re a Loser reading this blog, then f00k no, you’re not gonna be managing anybody, you are competing for a spot at the bottom of the barrel.

Buy a little Wahl trimmer so you can trim the annoying hair by your ears that starts to look real bad after a few months.

Again, I cannot emphasize enough, DO NOT BUY WHITE T-SHIRTS. When you’re in the socks and underwear aisle reaching for a pack of 3 white tshirts, JUST SAY NO, and look directly to the left or right, and buy the Black or Grey ones instead. Pref Grey. Because after like one washing, the white shirt will look all yellow and shabby, like you never shower or wash your clothes, and will be immediately obvious underneath your dress shirt.  White shirts looks dirty even when they’re clean.

Now, it might look unprofessional to wear a black tshirt under a white dress shirt, if you’re an Investment Banker who always needs to look his best. But, more than likely, that’s not you, and you can get away with wearing a nonwhite tshirt under your Work Shirt. This is an improvement even if you’re just a loser working at mcdonalds or ralphs. Although they might have a strict dress code against that.

fri oct 18th

ok done prepping muh series of 4 shorter posts. u should be seeing this on oct 24th. here are a few last minute protips. You can come up with new, useful Protips Erry Day. Erry Day should be a neverending stream of protips and lifehacks and cheat codes on how to win at life.  good idea after good idea.

Protip: go into spotify and into your starred list of 3000 songs. then order them by DATE ADDED and copy the songs from the past THREE MONTHS to a new list, and then play THAT new list on Random Shuffle. This will give you like a greatest hits of the past 3 months.

HOWEVER, it’s not fool proof. I GUESS an alternate approach would be to make a similar list from your History from the Past 3 months. Because if what if during the past 3 months you listened to a lot of nonstarred songs, OR songs that were starred longer than 3 months ago! Note: HISTORY is under “PLAY QUEUE.” Spotify really needs to HIRE ME to make them better. That’s my VALUE ADD.


sept 12 thurs
wow lost like 5000 words of 10 movie reviews, including a very important one. was gonna start muh Movie Blog with them. f00k google.

ALL BECAUSE the button to restore the stupid compose window, you click that, then your cursor is left hovering over the DISCARD FOREVER button, so if you accidentally click twice, GONE FOREVER. then you panic and click back and don’t even see the “undo discard” link that appears on that screen only once, and never after you click back or anywhere.

and the draft just needs to go to the trash, so you can restore it. but it doesn’t. people have been having this problem for over 7 YEARS.

i know I’ve done it once before. only once, believe it or not.

can’t believe i’m not more ANGRY. there was like 16 hours of WORK there.

and yet I’m typing again into a draft.

but not a movie review!!!

1144am fri sept 13 2013

PROTIP: DON’T USE GMAIL DRAFTS. THEY SUCK DICKS. I hate to be a whiner, but you’d think after 7 years and many Customers Complaining, they’d implement that Simple Fix.


Or some other App that you can easily open, easily type, easily autosave, and can never delete.

Rule 1 of Design sez, never permanently delete something without putting a huge f00king alert in the middle of the screen that you MUST click ok.

The HYPSM Top 1% Supergenius Elite Tryhards who WORK their CAREER JOBS at GOOGLE HAVE to know this, if I do.

Heh. was watching “Girl Code” and they made the distinction between a




Modern Women tend towards the glib, cutesy, and stupid, but this time they stumbled upon a solid gold truth, or at least a genuinely clever way of describing something truthful, accurate, and important. An important Employment and LIfe issue I talk about all the time, hahahaha.

the interesting thing is, where I had never said “Career Jobs” but just “Career”, as if Careers and Jobs were different, with “Career JObs”, there’s the implication that Career Women recognize that a Career is indeed still “just” a JOB. Which is really is.

What I would call a Upper Working Class Job, Lower MIddle Class Job, or the VAUNTED Upper Lower Middle Class Job. And you won’t get a Middle Middle Class Job like at Google unless you went to HYPSM.

Not that I use “Girl Code” as an Accurate Representation of Reality! It’s just a entertaining but degenerate TV SHOW. You gotta go Out In The Real World to get a more accurate rep of reality.

But I find the stuff Captured in Girl Code does indeed accurately Capture some of the view of some Modern Women that I and increasingly numbers of Men find bretty annoying and Not Worth It and makes you Not A Fan of Women.

Not A Big Deal. Just work on developing your own career job, and have Nonperverted, Nondegenerate Threesomes with 18yoqtz. No Prolapse Parties!!

If you are fortunate and lucky enough to have good friends that you have known longer than 50% of your life, then be grateful with them and try to spend time with them regularly, assuming they are not too much of a winner to hang out with Losers Like Us, or keep Losers like Us away from their Wives and Growing Families and Careers!

I did this recently and it improved my Negative Nancy mood significantly. And there was nothing fancy about it, no Big Plans! Simply Eating Pizza, Watching Jeopardy, playing Vidya Gayms, making Jokes.

It was like a small miracle from God. The person needed to Buy Some Clothes, not an unusual situation for Normalfags, and they are probably more of a Normalfag than I, or at least somehow have the energy to drag themselves out of bed and occasionally do Normalfag things like run the Normal Normalfag Errands of Life like Clothes Shopping, so I said, “Yep, that would be OUTSTANDING, I really need to do some of that myself too, I have been trying to do that for the last 3 months!”

So we went to Burlington Coat Factory and they bought their clothes and I found a very nice shirt for a decent price.

Did not take much time or energy at all. I think incorporating it with the Friend Visit really facilitated the Shopping Errand.

Like I say, A Miracle from God.

It was a pretty good day, so I HAD to write about it. Many lessons learned, good for sharing, good for uplifting our desperate community!

Also made a fresh Classic Mix CD for the first time in 3 months. Should probably be doing this every TWO months!! Again, this should be composed of some of your All Time Favourite SOngs, especially those you’ve been listening to recently. Then put the date on the CD, cut it down to 74 minutes, figure out an ok order, but don’t kill yourself. Follow your gut, cut some songs to get down to 74 min, shuffle the order till it makes some kind of sense, but don’t TRY TOO HARD, don’t take more than 10 minutes doing that. Even if it’s not perfect, it will still have a lot of Sweet songs that you can listen to in the car or wherever.

for example, here’s a good song for me, maybe for you, haven’t had a good Song O The Post in a long time:

Heavy Epic Doom Metal with Chillass Spinechilling Keyboardz

Metal Band playing a Chill Classic Rock version of one of their Metal Hits

getting real exhbitionist today, if that gives my identity away to you, please do not expose me all over 4chan and the internet. f0000000000k me.

If you really need to buy clothes, and if you’re like me, you probably do, because you just LOOK like a NEET NIceguy Virgin with your CLOTHES, then you can get affordable new clothes at Burlington Coat Factory. The place was even better than Kohl’s, although if you’re feeling really extravagant and energetic, you can try Kohl’s too, it’s always a good Standby. But Burlington might become my new standby because it might be Cheaper.  And they also have SHOES.

I am fully Sensitive to the fact that you might not be able to AFFORD to buy new clothes and thus would have to go to the Salvation army or Thrift Store. That is fine. The lesson there is, try to go to DIFFERENT thrift stores, because if you go to the same one all the time, you can get burned out on their increasingly sh1tty selection.

However if you get Neetbux or Autismbux or LazyLoserBux from the gummint (Social Security Disability), then you prob make more money than some poor schmuck like me working an underjob, hahahaha.

I also realize that it can be harder than you think to get SSI money. A lot of Hard Work, really, hehehehe.

* here’s the other clothes related protip. I was orig planning on finally biting the bullet and going to kohls on my day off. my New Magic Bullet Plan was: even though I need EVERYTHING, shoes, pants, shirts, suits, EVERYTHING, and I have said before, Slow On The Uptake people like Mee need at LEAST TWO hours to do ANY kind of task, my new plan to Get Moving was to say, f00k this two hours, f00k buying EVERYTHING, I am gonna try going to Kohls for no more than 30 MINUTES. Get in and get out as FAST AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. Even if it means not trying on the thing. Just run in, grab ONE THING that sticks out, and GET THE F OUT AS FAST AS POSSIBLE.

So that way, I have at least ONE new clothes item, Proved to self that Yes I Can Go Shopping, AND it would take WAY less than TWO HOURS.

I plan to try that move Next Time I Go Shopping.

* But the equally Important Lesson is, if you have a Good Friend who wants to go shopping, then try to get in on that, because it makes it 900000000000000000 EASIER.

Yes I am Sensitive to the fact that 100% of Neet Losers DON’T have Friends like this, in fact that is a large part of what MAKES them Neets or Wizards or v9ks. Heh. This is why I’ve said before and i’ll say again that I am grateful to not be a true wizard or v9k. Prob I am even more Normalfag than r9kz. But I sure as hell aint no full blown normalfag. But I am normalfag enough to have a small number of Good Friends, THANK GOD.

* Starting to get cooler outside, darker in the morning, football weather, beautiful crisp fall weather, leaves turning, etc. Great weather for Cuddling With Your 18yoqt awkward autist introvert Waifu amirite, hahahahaha. Yes, beautiful autumn season but you know DAMN WELL what’s coming up, so go to amazon and buy a goddam LIGHT BOX so you’re finally READY for this winter.


* I have been blowing off a request by a Old Friend to get back in touch with him, maybe you have done things like this too. It is from a period of my life I would prefer to erase, the time I’m paying The Karmic Debt for now, because of my own idiotic choices and mistakes. No reflection on the people I knew back then, the PEOPLE were GREAT, so that leads to hella conflict and ambivalence now, keeping in touch. Whereas some of Us can safely cut the ties altogether, because the people were crappy criminal burnouts and betrayers and losers and whatnot. But not in my case, so it’s Really Interesting.

So I WANT to respond to him, and I know I should, I just keep putting it off. So I’m gonna try to do it today, like 2 weeks after the request, better late than never. My secret method is that I will be QUICK and FAST and Nonperfectionist about it. Will take no more than 10 minutes. One paragraph. Be like, Hi, How Ya Doin, THANKS for asking about me, here’s my EMAIL, send me an email telling me whats up, and that way I will have your email too, hope all is well, I always thought you were/are a great guy.




7 24

Heh.  what it all boils down to, is you have to be a WORKAHOLIC just to Survive Bare Minimum. You don’t get to sleep in, you don’t get to take a break, you don’t get to have A Social Life, you don’t get Movie Night or Date Night or Family Night, you don’t get to Sleep In on Weekends.

heh. on Day 1 of Forcing myself to Get Up Earlier so I can Get Things Done and force self to be better with Time Management. Meaning no more 8 or 9 hours of sleep. Cut it down to 7! Of course, Real Workaholics get only 5 tops. That’s what you gotta do. So just be tired and give shoddy work, half-ass work, rather than no work. what, is your boss gonna FIRE you? They might. So let them. Let yourself get thrown out on the STREETS. As long as you don’t DRINK, you can prob get a bed in a Homeless Shelter.

But your boss yells at you and puts pressure on your because of your shoddy work, your boss hates you and is looking to fire you and would NEVER recommend you for ANYTHING, he not-so-secretly wants you and your family to die in a gutter.

yeah. so how do you get a reference/recommendation from your boss if your boss hates you and thinks you are Pond Scum? I guess you do not. You get recommendations from the one person at work you actually get along with, even if they are not your Boss per se. It doesn’t even matter if it’s your boss. Get it from your Work Friend.

Cal Newport: Secrets of the Best College Students, or something. I can prob recommend this book.

So LinkedIn is GrownUp Career Adult Facebook. Does it Cheapen or Devalue You, Your Skills, and your Recommendations by having that sort of stuff “cheaply” available on LinkedIn? Like you have 10 endorsements for 10 skill, 10 little recommendation blurbs from your Work Friends.

What I’m saying is: LinkedIn Recommendation Blurbs CAN’T be worth as much, or devalue the value of, more traditional recommendation letters……can they??

7 26

i forgot you can be tired AND angry. this is like the internet of your brain going down. No Connection to anything. Nothing makes sense. read words, they don’t mean anything. stupid mistakes multiply exponentially. you look REALLY stupid. so just push through to the end of the day and then go immediately to sleep. hopefully you don’t have any big obligations or deadlines to do after your day of Paid Work. Although you probably Should, because to Make It In Life, you have to be an Overachieving Workaholic who does work from 5 am to 2 am 7 days a week. and “only” 40 hours of that is Paid, if you’re Lucky.


stayed up late to go to a concert, very tired the next day at Underjob. And this is going to bed at 1:30am and getting up at 7:30 am! This is Normal for Average Working Adults! This is ABOVE Average for Average Working Adults!

Drank one large strong coffee but did not want to drink any more because The Guts were acting up. Now just drinking water.

If I had an Extracurricular or anything Unpaid I would consider SHIRKING it just to take a 2 hour nap!

Anyway just wanted to say, a lot has changed in The Metal World since I was young. This was an Old School band who were around when I was young, I saw them several times when I was young, always great band, great times.

Anyway it’s not just a matter of Modern Hipsters now liking Metal, but also Metal in general being More Popular. There are Cute Young Girls at metal shows, wearing denim vests with patches (this is big metal style thing now) of bands that were considering pretty “true” or “underground” or “untrendy” 10 years ago. Of course “true” vs “false” is still a very hot button topic, and it all does smack of Hipster Tryhardism. Just saying that 10 years ago, there weren’t nearly so many Cute Young Girls at True Untrendy Death Metal Shows. Girls only like Trendy things. which is fine, that’s What Girls Are Like, I can accept that.

But yeah I was touched and moved by the Friendliness and Diversity and Openness. Not just Angry Young Hateful Failure Loser Troglodytes who want to Beat People Up! But Social, Friendly Men and Women who want to have a Good Social Time, a decent number of them probably have Good Jobs, they aren’t total Wastoid Losers in other words, despite their Long Hair and Tattoos. Metal was more of a Loser Outcast thing when I was young. Now the Young Metal Kids listen to their Old School Death Metal, get drunk on cheap beer, and get Tatts, but now they also have a Good Social Time with their friends, go to college, get unpaid internships, go to Grad School, get Good Lower Middle Class Jobs, get Gurlfrans and Wives and aren’t 30 year old Virgin Loser Omega Male Wizards like Your Author, hahahaha.

No I’m not a Wizard really, I WOULD get banned from Wizardchan if I Told The Full Truth: that I have FRIENDS, that I’m NOT a virgin (although, for a normalfag male, embarrassingly close to it!)

So in other words, the Metal Crowd seemed a lot more positive and I would have LOVED it if I were 18. But it reminded me of how Old I was, That Feel When you just can’t Get Into NEW things anymore, can’t fully enjoy new things or new people, you’re too far gone.

Though the very idea of a Cute Metal Gurlfran would have prob driven me crazy at the time. But now I would just find it too Weird. Do Not Want. But heck it’s hard to imagine really liking ANY Women after Girl 7! Too old for it! Too far gone! Can’t enjoy New Women!

So it’s funny how one can get in the Depths of Despair even when things are going WELL: got a nice Internship Offered to me on a Silver Platter, went to a fun Metal Show with a nice Audience, then I get tired from 6 full hours of sleep and get very crabby? See what just happened there! Maybe it was writing all this stuff that made me crabby! But yeah. perfect example of a ton of great things happening but you’re STILL in a Bad Mood. Also had an old great friend come in from out of town, had a nice delicious dinner, nice concert experience.  I Should be on Cloud 9 right now, despite being a Little Bit Sleepy!


Makes you absolutely certain something is Fundamentally wrong with you, when you got all this good stuff going for you, but NOOOOOOOO. You can’t enjoy it.

Well, I guess, yes, something is wrong with you, but we can FIX it.

What would MAKE you enjoy it? Oh yeah: the Usual Excuse of: If the Last Girl You Were (Ever) In Luv With (And Will “Probably Be The Last Gurl You Ever Luv,” Cuz now you’re “Just Too Old and Tired and Jaded and Bitter”, now you’re just “DONE”) had successfully Become Your Gurlfran (for me that was “Girl 7”), and/or you had a Decent, Respectable, Lower Middle Class Masters Degree Job or Upper Working Class Bachelors Degree Job. Then you would enjoy everything. That would Fix you up just fine.

So yeah. really thinking about getting back on the Prozac/Paxil train; up from the 5 mg Weaning Dose, to the 20mg Normal Dose.

* oh here’s a great idea: maybe think of a “therapy group” or “group therapy” if you’ve never tried that before. It is not just DBSA and Emotions Anonymous. There is also Depressed Anonymous (heh heh), Lazy Losers Anonymous (heh), and you can also search PsychologyToday.com for local Therapy Groups which are Coordinated by a Mental Health Professional.

7 28 sunday

gotta dig deep today, but also don’t want to fight it.

so friday I was tired from getting “only” 6 hours of sleep, stayed in and watched movies all night. day off saturday, slept and slept and napped and dozed, got up, did some chores/errands, took a nap, had no energy, could only lay facedown and struggle to respond to texts, EVEN RESPONDING TO TEXTS takes a lot of energy, did not get my “wind” till about 7pm, dinner with friend, then movie with other friend, try not to be a negative nancy to muh franz.

good dinner, good movie, got home decent hour, like 12:30am, then sunday, day 2 off, slept till like 10 am, still tired, I figure that it takes me a good FOUR HOURS of being awake and being in a horrible, despairing, terrible, awful, downright scary mood, before that wears off. this is why I prefer to Work in the Morning. Then not so awful. I can be tired but at least be thankful I am being Minimally Useful, and that I am good enough at my Underjob that I can do it without a lot of effort or anxiety.

trying to get up at 8:45 am during the week and stick to a Time Management Schedule of: exercise, do Solid Work on my “Internship”, then go to my Underjob, then try not to stay up too late, so I can get good sleep and get up at 8:45 am the next day.

Reading 3 and will soon be 4 Books re Learning Skills and Knowledge applicable to “internship”, but not sure if I can “count” that as “internship” time because it’s not direct Work. That’s like the Homework you’re supposed to do outside of class.

Gotta keep reminding myself, Shoddy Work is better than No Work. Of course, doing shoddy work is frowned upon. But doing NO work is frowned upon even more.

but saturday was SCARY: having no energy all day, That Feel When, Friday Night, you Feel like you’d like to Sleep Twenty-Four Hours STRAIGHT. You procrastinate on Household errands and chores so you can sleep, take two naps, basically Nap Till Dinnertime, feels like a HANGOVER that lasts ALL DAY. The absolute best thing here is Being Scheduled For WORK, so then you can make money at least.

If you have to do “work from home” and actually get stuff done, it might be best to go to Starbucks or go to the Library, and stay there for at least four hours, and get something done there. when you have serious work on any sort of Sorta Serious Project, Four Hours is almost the Mimimum. Maybe Two. Because it takes at LEAST One Hour just to get the momentum rolling. Warm Up.

Well, just take it one day at a time, do some work rather than no work, maybe get back on 20 mg of SSRIs, don’t drink, don’t do drugs, pray, lift, walk, don’t stay out too late, be thankful for the good things. let go and let god, hahahahaha.