dec 1 2016
had a dream last night about an old friend from my college days that of course we drifted apart, but he was a great guy and i hope he’s doing well. he was both one of the smartest guys i ever met, and also very principled and moral and a good moral person. he was also funny and hilarious and had great social charisma. he was also a very good musician. i had a total mancrush on him and was flattered that he seemed to like me. he had a very great personality and with that personality could probably get any woman he wanted, but physically he was kinda short. he was in great shape though, stayed very active with exercise. i guess he was pretty good at basketball too. well he certainly liked to play it a lot. he was pretty much responsible for introducing me to tom waits. he was fun to drink with and was no square there, but obviously he didnt drink so much that he couldnt be a winner at life. he was going for a phd in cultural marxist frankfurt skool bullshit and i was so impressed by the Brainy Intellectual stuff he read and wrote, that I was so stupid it made no sense to me, all this shit about reifying and rhizomes and deleuze and guattari and lacan and derrida and foucault and badiou and bordieua and baudrillard and adorno and barthes and mcluhan and zizek and all that ((((CRITICAL THEORY)))) stuff.
I had no idea that it was total jooish poison. I’m not sure that he did either!
So, with that perspective, it’s kinda troubling that such a good, solid guy would make his career in something so awful and poisonous. because when you’re young, that shit impresses you because it makes you sound really really really SMART. I actually knew a couple people like this. I had another friend in that same department who was similarly a very nice, charismatic, smart, principled, moral, solid man. they deserve better than this jooish bullshit.
anyway i hope they are both doing well. they are both great guys and I will never forget them. i just dont get the critical theory, cultural marxist, frankfurt school, jooish bullshit.
anyway back to the first guy. he could have had any woman he wanted despite his short stature because his personality was so great. BUT, interestingly, his fashion style was very scrubby, like a damn neet virgin. he could have cleaned up VERY well, but DIDNT. he had long greasy hair and a long wispy “beard”. he probably did not shower enough. this was not from a lack of confidence, but just because he was really that much of a “free spirit artist”, as well as a very smart articulate academic intellectual, as well as having pretty damn good social skills. not an awkward autiste whatsoever, but every bit as high iq as an autist. he just LOOKED like a homeless person hahahahaha. now I think after he finished his phd he started presenting himself better hahahaha. which is good, he was not ugly.
and because he had such a good, strong personality, he could get GFs and had been in several long term monog rels. I don’t think he ever did too much degenerate shit with women. never a “player”, never a womanizer, never open rels, and oh good lord I forgot he was CATHOLIC too!
anyway in the dream he’s like, we gotta watch this movie, it’s great. and I was like great, I like your taste, if you say its good, im sure its good. i mean he did/does have good taste in movies and music and books.
so we started watching this movie that was some 1970s french or italian “art” degeneracy like godard or pasolini. Which I NEVER really liked that kind of artsy fartsy movie, and now I like them even less. because of the jooish degeneracy embodied in them. the opening scene had a bunch of big women with big breasts but also huge erect dicks dancing around like the wild androgynous men/women of borneo. the scene went on for way too long. then the movie went on to tell this artsy, intellectual, elaborate story of how Whites were the Cancer of the Human Race, Whites were evil, whites are all oppressive, horrible natsees, and telling this story in a very artsy, college bourgeois phd sort of way, that you could feel real artsy and intellectually superior.
so my friend asks me what i think and im like oh great, this great guy I admire really likes this antiwhite bullshit, and he’s a brilliant guy, way smarter than me, theres no way i could convince him that whites are great, i mean i cant believe such a smart good awesome guy BELIEVES this bullshit! this could really complicate our Frandship!
And I was like well i dunno, i usually like your taste but I never liked this weird new wave godard pasolini shit, I mean its just too much for me, i mean come on, giant dicks, its just too much for me.
i did not mention the whole antiwhite message. that would be a lot harder to talk about with him.
anyway that was the dream hahahaha.
i never did talk to him about whiteness. but he was a great white man. and he did finish the phd i THINK. im sure he’s still a great guy, i just hope he doesnt spend too much of his career talking about how bad whiteness is. and white = evil. he got along with nonwhites very well, which i think his family had some nonwhite foster children in their home. now for weev that helped weev become race conscious because the nonwhite children sucked. my friend, i guess his nonwhite foster “siblings” werent so bad. well good for him then hahaha.
i dont want to dox the guy hahaha.
but yeah what would HE say about the alt right, or whiteness? would he be a terrible shitlib saying that anyone who uses the term “cultural marxism” is a crazy, white, racist conspiracy theorist. cultural marxism is not a real thing.
i never read any of his papers. well i think i read a few pages at the time, and it made no sense. i dont remember anything about whiteness. maybe some stuff about signifiers and reification.
so i could easily look up his papers NOW and read them and probably get a sense of what he thinks about whiteness, right?
yeah probably! and im not sure i WANT to !
it was also funny we never really talked about his skoolwork that much, he never talked about it, and he also didnt seem to spend much time on it. he seemed to have PLENTY of free time to hang out, watch movies, go out, be social. i thought phd students were supposed to be chained to their books and work 80+ hours a week!!!!!! but not him!
so was he a bad student? maybe, but its kinda hard to be a “bad student” and get into a All Expenses Paid PhD program at a Very Good Skool. i mean thats how smart he was.
shit i would have liked to hear him teach a class, or do a phd defense especially. i know eventually he started teaching undergrads like most grad students did.
anyway he was/is a great guy, i wish him the best, but i also want him to have white children! he would be a great father of course. there is a risk that he might marry a nonwhite woman though. although when i knew him, all his GFs were white women.
ok heres whats interesting. some white people go into an Urban Public School full of poor blacks and they become redpilled on race, like yep once i saw the real world, i knew that blacks and whites are very different.
and other whites say i became even MORE committed to education because i saw how precious these poor black children were, they were every bit as smart as anybody else, they just need better resources, opportunities, education, etc, so ive spent my life really trying to help these kids who really really NEED that help.
so which is the truth about race hahahaha.
i have no doubt there are many smart ghetto black kids out there that would benefit from a good education. plenty of little dr ben carsons out there. but honestly i have no desire, and im honestly not TOUGH ENOUGH, to want to work in a black school to help those kids. i would rather teach white kids. really i dont want to teach kids at all hahahahaha. beyond being a homeschool teacher of my own children, and even there i dont trust my abilities!
but yeah when i was hanging out with somebody i thought was really really cool like that, i sometimes felt insecure and inferior, like im nowhere NEAR that cool, why are they hanging out with ME? once they find out how uncool i am, theyll get bored with me and dump me.
i guess i felt a similar way about women that i liked! that i was “privileged” enough to hang out with a few times!
classic inferiority complex. im not cool enough to be friends with this person. im not cool enough to date this grill.
and the women eventually “proved” it by dumping me, although the men i had mancrushes on, well they were pretty much “faithful” to me though! like i say, they were good solid moral men through and through, and never did me wrong! we just drifted apart due to time and distance.
hehehehe kinda wish i had met him when i was in high school hahaha. not to crap on my high school friends tho hahaha. but i might have had a chance at getting his Sloppy Seconds hahahaha. that was how much of an omega i was, i couldnt even get Sloppy Seconds because my friends couldnt get sloppy seconds either hahahaha.
well i prob could have gotten sloppy seconds from one of my friends who was ok with the ladies, qt ones too……but i was so proud i didnt WANT sloppy seconds from muh friends! or i just thought it was weird and gross. it IS pretty weird and gross!!!!!!!!! plus I wanted a GF, not casual hookup secs. i didnt like SLUTS back then either! i wanted a NICE GURL! i.e., not a slut.
so yeah, i pretty much ALWAYS disliked sluts. very consistent there.
ok thats enough memory lane bullshit. i just wish i were doing more in the present that would make good memories later. but all i got is the failure of the last 3 years, the painful memory of That Woman, etc. nothing really GOOD that i will happily remember. well maybe the good times i had with that woman. but i dont WANT to remember those! i want to have BETTER memories with a BETTER woman!
see i use overthinking as a way to cope with stress and worry. IF I THINK ABOUT THIS ENOUGH, I WILL FIGURE OUT AN ANSWER AND FIX THE PROBLEM. but it never works like that. i never find the answer. i never fix the shit. i just think and think and think and worry and ruminate and overanalyze and write and write and write and write. i order for things to improve, i need to get out and actually DO shit.
the best punishment for sluts is for their fathers to shake their heads and say i am very very very disappointed in you, and you will have to work to regain my approval.
but this assumes sluts HAVE fathers who can BE disappointed in them.
so without that….i think i determined shaving the sluts head bald would be a good punishment.
how about tattoo on their forearm saying “SLUT”? pretty good, but that would be guaranteeing they would never STOP being a slut.
how about a tattoo somewhere nonvisible then?
like i said…..I NEVER liked sluts.
I WILL give a slut a chance, if she’s really willing to repent and reform. of course how do you trust that? i guess look at her repentance. the first slut i was with was a very secs-positive bourgeois jooess, so of course she wasnt ashamed of being a cvm dumpster, she thought it was liberating and empowering.
hehehe there are two kinds of people in the world, racists and nonracists, and never the twain shall meet. i think if all the racists segregated away from the nonracists the world would be a better place. and then of course in the racist side, each race would then segregate.
whites are racist! racism is the worst evil! whites are evil!
once you realize this is what they are really saying, you cant unhear it hahahaha.
there is literally NO BENEFIT to being sensitive. it is WEAK. FRAGILE. NON TOUGH. being TOUGH is ALWAYS good. weak people break down and cant get shit done. and they are miserable because everybody rejects them because they are weak and sensitive. hahaha.
oh but they see the world in a unique way and create great art!
- at least half of them DONT, i never created great art
- well thats not entirely true, I wrote 2 and a half pretty good songs. long epic songs too haha. and a bunch of decent bukowski ripoff poems. and at least 3 book length blogs. 1 sweet doom level.
- art is not that important. its a nice luxury but its not very useful at all. it is not a vital role in society. its nice to have, and its really fun to listen to music from ages 11 to 25 or so, but after that, theres more important things to do, like run society, have children, and music and art does not help with that at all. yeah it adds to a sense of culture but you know what else does? children. government and society and civilization. people inventing shit and building civilizations and employing people and doing work. this takes TOUGH, STRONG people, not SENSITIVE, WEAK people.
plus there is plenty of good art made by Tough, Strong people!
oh but sensitive people Love more deeply.
but this is WORTHLESS unless they find another sensitive person who can APPRECIATE that AND luv them the same way back! Sensitive Luv is just Wasted on Tough, Nonsensitive Normies! they will DUMP you for being too WEAK and NEEDY!!!
and how many sensitives are there? it CANT be more than 25%.
so yeah, ITS NOT WORF IT to be sensitive and weak hahahaha. i wanna trade it in to be tough. so i can LUV people more intensely! that is TOTALLY not worth it! I don’t WANT to luv people so intensely! theres something WRONG with me!
all this sensitivity has made it excruciatingly difficult to live a normie adult life with 26k job and 6.51/10 waifu!
i should see if muh new 13k a year job can send me on a business trip to colorado. or NV, CA, OR, WA, or MA hahahahahahahahahahahaha. every week.
i mean shit theres an idea. why not do job searching in colorado?
because I dont really want to MOVE to colorado, i want to stay near muh family! they are the only family i have! i wouldnt mind visiting colorado for a week or 2 and being ridiculous blazed that whole time, but i dont really want to MOVE ANYWHERE!
and some people are not like this. they dont mind moving anywhere in the world. shit i kinda wish i were more like that. because that is a TOUGHER person. who will leave their family behind to go where the jobs are.
you know you like somebody when you make a MIX tape/cd/stream for them. did anyone ever do that for ME?
well sort of. there were some manly no homo mixes in there where i exchanged Metal Mixes with another Metal Fan who worked at the Music Shop where I took some Guitar Lessons hahahaha. good guy but he was more into death metal, like Early Technical Death Metal with especial liking to Technical Death Metal Bass. I wonder if he was happy about all the new technical death metal that has come out. i cant even. like maybe necrophagist and stuff like that hahaha. i dont know. not my cup of tea. we both liked bands like nile and cynic and early cryptopsy. naturally he really liked death. i liked their “sound of perseverance” album but never got much further. (although now i am kinda interested in their old stuff, hehehehe.)
well ultimately ive always been more of a black metal guy than a death metal guy, and he could not help me there.
oh shit i wonder what he would say about deathspell omega. that is probably the most technical band i like. and they really are TOO damn technical hahahahaha. cool it with the nonsense riffs guy. i thought you were black metal hehehehe. technical black metal. i am probably more open to that that technical death metal.
could demilich be called technical death metal? i know they have very cult following.
again, i like stuff thats more Atmospheric and Emotional and Sensitive.
but its funny. i stopped paying attention to metal for like 5 years and those were THE most important years TO pay attention because SO much shit happened. when i came back to metal, it was like a whole new world. 10 generations of evolution had happened and suddenly i was an old man who didnt understand the youth. all within 5 years.
i was out of it from like 2002 or 3 until 2008 or 9?
uhhhhhh yeah between 2002 and 2009 a LOT of shit DID happen in metal hahahaha.
it would have been nice to have been paying attention when the deathspell album “Si Monumentum” came out in like….2004?
well i DO remember when paracletus came out in 2010.
i DO remember when varg got out of prison and came back with “belus” in like 2010.
i remember when the alcest album “ecailles de lune” came out and invented “blackgaze” hahahaha.
so yeah i didnt miss it all.
anyway metal. i dont even like talking about metal with metal fans, because they like different metal bands than me and will try to push some metal bands on me, when im not looking for new metal super actively. there needs to be a come to jesus moment and then ONE BAND will reveal itself to me at the right time, like saor right now.
i am very ok with that, im just grateful to be able to enjoy fresh music at all anymore!
did i mess up muh brain with too much alcohol and MJ when i was young?
i used to be smart in high school! i was great at high school! i peaked in high school, hahahaha.
then 15 years later, you have to tell people, i was smart in high school! I SWEAR!!!!!! I WAS SMART ONCE!!!!! and then these young smartasses roll their eyes. yeah right, old dumb man. then why are you working here at your age. obviously didnt make good decisions with your life.
yikes i get to writing and then it INEVITABLY BECOMES super negative and despairing and horribly derpressing!!!! SO STOP WRITING!!!!!!
just as surely inevitable as the sp1c n1g cycle will guarantee that sp1cs and n1gs will inevitably stuff themselves with fried meat until they become crippled by morbid obesity and require heroic medical care until they gracelessly expire, hahahahahahahaha.
so yeah. theres no benefit to being sensitive, weak, and fragile. these are BAD THINGS!
the TOUGHER you are, the easier time you will have in life, the better you will do in life, the less suffering you will suffer through. the more self respect you will have from being able to achieve a minimum of normieness.
psilocybin decreasing depression and anxiety? ok i’ll buy that hahaha. i would have to take a TINY dose though. i took psilocybin exactly twice in muh life. when i was 20 years old. ykes. the first time was ok. the second time was HORRIBLE and i felt horribly alone and alienated and heartbroken and despairing. realy more sorrow and emptiness than anxiety. which i guess is actually BETTER than anxiety. that feeling of panic is just horrible. but thats the last time i will ever do mushrooms around a woman i am in luv with who doesnt like me hahaha and would rather be Romantic with other guys in front of me hahahaha.
maybe that is why i am so sensitive to rejection. cuz i did mushrooms WHILE a woman was essentially rejecting me, so it imprinted somehow. really the only way to “fix” that is to do mushrooms while i am with a woman and she is Totally Accepting me. being with me, having tender monog relship secs, cuddling, etc.
i would also do it alone.
i would also be open to doing super duper tiny doses like they did in this medical experiment. though when you “TRIP” they always say dont take too LITTLE, you gotta take enough to actually feel something maannnn.
so i say just take a teensy weensy bit. like taking one puff of MJ. you ever take one puff of MJ and feel it? then you might be a sensitive snowflake like me hahahaha.
so yeah i would be open to that. take such a tiny dose that you could get up in the morning and go to WORK the next day like you can with MJ hahahaha.
HA! this “straight dope” message board looks pretty good
can you be mistaken about your own romantic luv for a person
tell me your job search techniques
how many females are open to the idea of a scat fetish in a relship hahahahahaha
great quote from that one::: ”
11-27-2016, 01:42 PM
astro astro is offline
Join Date: Jul 1999
OK maybe there is a beautiful, kind, loving woman out there who will shit on a plate so you can eat her feces and relish the intimacy this creates for you. You gaze into her gorgeous, endless eyes as you take your fork and carefully nip off some of the warm, fragrant brown turd she has produced for you. You inspect it lovingly and notice how it was formed in convergent layers by her bowel and the little bits and pieces of undigested food woven throughout. No pinworms or other creatures are waving back at you, so reverently you lift the morsel to your nose inhaling deeply and flaring your nostrils to get the full impact. The pungent aroma is overpowering so close and up you are in heaven.
You pass the aromatic brown chunk between your lips and explore it with your tongue rolling it around it your mouth. Firm yet soft you feel it dissolving in your mouth before you gulp it down. You want more and dig in! Seeing you smacking and chewing so lustily with a filmy smear of poo, her poo, coating your lips she gazes beatifically at you and the connection is so real you feel transcendent.
Hope you find your gal. ”
well you need to take a few years and get some therapy and fix yourself before you can ever be cured of your virginity, and also you have such deep issues, you will never get a gf, just maybe some casual sexs with crazy sluts, after you do like 5 years of therapy.
dump him because his lack of success in his career indicates immaturity and abusiveness and issues and insecurity and that he’s in a bad place and is incapable of being in a relship because he’s not happy with his career and never will be until he gets his masterz degree and gets a sweet office job that he finds SO FUN AND FULFILLING just like you
from this thread: ” [–]Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez 2 points 48 minutes ago
Here’s what people usually want when they say they want closure: they want to have the last word in all the major arguments they had with their ex, and they want their ex to listen and say “you’re right, I was wrong,” and mean it. But this is a fantasy. As I’m sure you realize, the conversation wouldn’t go anything like that in real life. ”
hehehehe nice way of putting that. closure is bullshit. a myth. there is never any closure. you always want the other person back, until you havent seen them in 4 years and then you dont really want them any more. then you see then and you want them again and need a few months just to get over seeing them once hahahahaha.
took a tiny benedryl tablet instead of taking nyquil tonight. felt like one or the other.
i never liked the the write shit but dont send it approach. i say send that shit. hold them accountable!! they dont get to do EVERYTHING on THEIR terms! They SHOULD see that their actions have consequences on other people!!
damn man that sucks. wanting her back after years because you know the shit is fixable. yeah but maybe she wouldnt want to fix it and would just dump you when you tried to fix it. being WILLING to fix it is just as important as being ABLE to fix it.
oh well just dump the toxic mentally ill abuser and find a better man, people are so upgradable like that.
NOT EVERY WOMAN WILL TREAT YOU LIKE YOU ARE REPLACEABLE, UPGRADABLE, OR DISPOSABLE!!!!!
even if they might like casual sex with a revolving door of replaceable, disposable dicks hahahaha.
if you dont want a relship mmkay, then you shouldnt have SECS. SECS shoudl ONLY occur WITHIN a relship. a mongo (hehehe) longterm relship. if you dont want a relship then you should also enter a period of Voluntary Celibacy until you ARE ready and willing to be in a relship. and THEN you can have your damn FUN SECS again hahaha.
fookin sociopath. so focused on their damn career that they dont see the benefit of a serious rel.
ok i am looking fwd to getting haircut today, very soon, and just wanted to record this damn stupid dream i had last night
YES it had THAT WOMAN and in a big way. I recall i was hanging out with her and laying my head on her beautiful soft white stomach and just rambling on about bullshit like music or something, even though i was very very worried about the state of our relship, but was scared to talk about it, so i just talked about anything else. however i felt there was still hope because she was willing to hang out wiht me and let me lay my head on her bare stomach. which is kind of intimate IMHO. never did that in real life hahahaha. couldnt even hang out with her anymore hahaha.
then i left and continued being worried. then i guess she dumped me. i went back to talk to her and she started literally running away. and i began chasing her and she conitnued running. i was running too. i was screaming after her pathetic begging things: please just talk to me! please respond! please lets just talk about this! PLEASE DONT TREAT ME LIKE THIS! i recall saying that exactly.
then i was heartbroken. then i was talking with another female friend i had during college. i was never attracted to or in luv with her. we just got along ok and had mutual respect. she was very smart and very funny. on the downside she was very shitlib (so was everybody) and had issues with Secsual Morality. At heart she was a good person who was mashed into this jooish neurotic somewhat mess because of Kollige and the Middle Class Career World, which her family was firmly in, and unfortunately pressuring her with high expectations. also she was supremely judgmental and liked to gossip about drama. I am the SAME WAY, but these women were actually a little bit WORSE. they were still good people though. they just needed to cool it with the drama! also she was nonwhite, therefore Im not such a hateful racist that i want to throw all nonwhites in the oven hahahaha.
so in the dream i told her how devastated i was and she wasnt really being THAT comforting, saying, well, if she’s running away from you, she obviously doesnt want to talk to you! so stop trying to talk to her.
but i really really really WANT to talk to her!
well she OBVIOUSLY doesnt WANT to talk!
but thats SO UNFAIR! she doesnt get to throw me away like a piece of garbage without being held accountable for the consequences! you want to get out of this, you have to go through the discomfort of a damn uncomfortable conversation at least!
so i convinced the female friend to go and meet with That Woman and kind of act as my attorney/advocate because That Woman was not allowing me to meet and talk with her.
i was riding in a taxi with the woman friend. i was nervous as shit because this was my last chance to say what i wanted to say, and i had to say it through this other person. i was trying to use Wise Mind and articulate myself as clearly as possible as to what i wanted to say. I remember very clearly saying “I fully accept her decision. I’m not asking her to be with me. sure, in an ideal world i’d like her to be with me, but I fully accept that she’s decided to end the relationship. what i’m asking for is just….i dunno. more recognition of my broken heart. more recognition that our relationship was meaningful and valuable to her. we knew each other for 3 years and i THOUGHT i meant something to her, was valuable to her, made a difference in her life, and we shared what i thought was a great connection and some great memories. i never wanted to hurt her. and i never wanted her to HATE me. it seems like she hates me. what did she think i did? I want to know what she’s thinking and feeling about this, and to tell her what Im thinking and feeling about it. that’s why I just want to meet with her and talk to her, and its so frustrating she’s not willing to do that.”
basically not a big chance from real life here.
i also wanted to show my other female friend (WHOOPS, not supposed to refer to women as “females”, that is a TELLTALE SIGN that you are a huge redpill neet incel entitled niceguy omega virgin nevergf woman hater!!!!! who sees women as some weird alien species and not human beings!!!!) that i was in the right, that i wasnt some kind of creepy stalker controlling abuser manipulator who wanted something unreasonable.
the friend went in and i sat in the taxi very nervously.
after like an hour the friend came out and said that That Woman said she didn’t feel I really CARED ABOUT her as a real person, that I was just trying to MANIPULATE HER INTO SECS. (basically accusing me of being a Niceguytm.) that i had no regard for her feelings and wasnt willing to listen to her.
then i got angry and was like WRONG. thats TOTALLY WRONG. I care about her SO MUCH! I am DEVASTATED! i will be devastated for the next year! it wasnt all about secs! it was about LOVE and having a loving rel! i wanted a HELL OF A LOT MORE than just secs! this is about luv! hearts! relships! sharing lives together! and i care very much for her! i want the best for her! i want to be with her and help her build a happy life! and to share a happy life together! shes got this all WRONG! can i just go in there and talk to her myself! no? goddamn why cant she just let me talk to her???!!?!?! can you go back in there please and tell her what i just told you??
(it was kinda like my job where callers could not speak directly to the level 2’s who knew how to explain bad news, and had to go through ME, who didn’t really understand the shit!)
the friend advocate sighed, like yeah thats not gonna work, but i’ll go back in there one more time for you.
then she did. then she taxi drove away with me in it. we picked up some black thugs and dropped them off at a casino. i was like shit we gotta get back to where we were. i didnt know how to get there from where we now were. i asked the driver if he could go back to the house where we were before. he said sure. he was clearly very foreign and i thought he might be bullshitting, because it didnt look like we were getting any closer. i asked him where he was from and i think he said georgia. like the country of.
so that was about it. it was a very vivid, long, movielike dream. i think the benedryl put me into a deeper sleep and therefore a deeper dream. it was not great. pretty much illustrated what was going on in real life, except now i had an advocate who was willing to talk to her on my behalf, and she was able to confirm that That Woman had a very Wrong opinion on What I Had Done. in real life, i have no idea what she was thinking.
but really, her having the Wrong Idea did not make me any happier, in fact i was just more frustrated, and just wanted to send the advocate back in there to show that I was Right, and She Was Wrong!
see that reddit quote about closure about hahahaha.
so yeah. also the dream was sad because at the beginning i actually DID see her and had an intimate moment with her like i never had in real life. but the moment wasnt intimate for her AT ALL!
hhehehe. if it takes you longer than a year to get over…….then hell yeah it was true love!!!! fook yes you CARED ABOUT them!
so i hate the accusation that you just want SECS when really, you are in LUV with them and CARE about them and want the best for their LIFE!
but no its all about secs secs secs with these women. and not even sacred, holy, loving, babymaking, relationship secs, but they reduce everything down to negro casual sex. its the only thing they understand hahahaha. absolutely disgusting.
ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES. I guess i just wanted her to experience some consequences and not be able to avoid them so completely. i sure experienced some damn consequences.
that doesnt mean that i want to inflict pain or punishment on her! more like, i just want her to feel some REMORSE and to reflect on this and learn how to not do this again in the future!
and probably she will learn from it, and treat other guys better, and i will never know, and never experience the Better Kinder More Mature Her!
she was already very kind, i experienced a lot of her general kindness, so i know she was capable of it. it was just a matter of Choking in a High Pressure moment. like i never did that before! like on the job or something.
yeah but with a Relship, I would have at least written an email hahahaha. that doesnt require a lot of effort or courage.
well it DOES involve courage when you actually SEND it. maybe she DID write an email but wasnt courageous enough to click send!
so yeah i did not enjoy that dream hahahaha.
looking at days since spreadsheet because i put haircuts on there….
507 days since i last talked to her… (16.9 months)
473 days since i last emailed/contacted her (15.77 months)
81 days since last haircut, yeah its time hahaha
389 days since intentionally looking at/using jooish filth pornography
got haircut at mens haircut place, good prices
rambled on to older white slavic woman about what i wanted. hard to articulate. finally got to the following clear actionable instructions:
“2 ON TOP, 1 ON THE SIDES”
and hopefully she understood that. i should write that on a flashcard which i bring next time in roughly 10 weeks hahahaha.
i usually get 1 or 2 all around. never this fading or two diff lengths. breaking out of comfort zone. it looks all right. somewhat militaristic and fashy. not bad.
2 ON THE TOP, 1 ON THE SIDES.
just tell them that. short. direct. unfookupable hahaha. these are the kind of instructions i like to receive for muh job. not some vague bullshit that can be interpreted 10 different ways, then you have to go back and ask 10 clarifying questions, and they sigh and eye roll and think youre an idiot even though they gave you these stupid vague instructions that they probably didnt even read or realize how vague they were.
so i should assertively say: i dont like vague instructions. i like clear, concise, unambigious instructions. 2 on the top, 1 on the sides. im not going to waste your time with stupid questions, so dont waste my time with stupid instructions that require stupid questions for clarification.
so yeah that dream sucked. its faggy as fook to lay your head on a gurls stomach but i like the idea of it.
i dont get it. secs is so cheap for them, they think you want cheap sex, when you want expensive luv, and then they get mad at you (well, NOT you, but niceguys, which we are NOT) when you want something that they consider cheap, which you dont even really want. cuz Cheap Sex is all they understand. when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail hahahahaha.
yeah being a niceguy is bad and shameful but i STILL think women overreact to it. but im still not saying i was a niceguy hahahaha. cuz its bad and i really dont want to be that. but they overreact. they think you are a HORRIBLE person, when you are really just a WEAK, COWARDLY person.
kind of like her. I dont think she is a HORRIBLE person, i think she is generally a good, maybe even GREAT person, she just had a moment of cowardice.
how come women cant give us the same BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT?
yeah well not all women, not all women, not all women hahaha. not even most women would not give you the benefit of the doubt.
but yeah i sure would have liked to cuddle with her and touch her white stomach hahahahaha. so it sucks to DREAM about that 16 months later.
like the guy in that reddit. he went on dates with 30+ women and still couldnt stop comparing them to the woman who dumped him, who he couldnt get over, years later. the only thing thats gonna fix this for him is to find a woman who is BETTER. who can make him feel luv again.
that story resonated with me because hes in his 30s and wants to have children and a wife, and he wanted that woman to be his wife, and have children with her, and he can’t see having children with anyone else yet. yep when you get older and want a wife and children, the stakes are even higher than when you are 20 and just fooking like a horny n199er. and not all of us wanted to be degenerates like that!
basically i view women as degen n199ers who cant keep it in their pants, and me as a principled man who is more moral and principled and white and better and seeks a higher morality and understands deeper truths. which isnt entirely wrong, as i believe my principled view of sex is the Better one. and i want a woman who shares that Core Value. hard to find a woman who doesnt treat secs like a horny n1993r tho!
ff12 has good music too, another great game, i never thought this game was underrated hahahaha.
so basically i view women as these alien monsters, who i have a yearning desire and obsession over, who throw cheap sex at everyone but me, who finds sex very very expensive, so i have a combination of deep resentment and deep desire for women. well, young (25 year old, marriage age, fertile) women! I want them so badly, I can’t have them, and they don’t want me.
these are the Big Kahuna of Cognitive Distortions that i need to address.
that and they undervalue something I value so highly, so i imagine them as sinful devils blaspheming my holy morality. like they are literally The Devil. The Enemy of Man. the Adversary. the living embodiment of Sin and Distancing yourself from Truth, Beauty, and Goodness. Women Are EVIL.
when really they are just Complicated PEOPLE, just like you and me hahahahahahaha.
so reddit says read books and watch tv and movies made by women, so you can view women as real people. go read margaret atwood or watch orange is the new black.
yeah but these are all feminists who have to slip in some man hating marxism. so whenever i read a woman doing that…..i dont understand or like women any better, i just dislike them more hahahaha. like you dirty fooking communist traitors.
so the best would be to read like books by a woman i like, like ann coulter hahahahaha.
maybe i should read the new megyn kelly book which she is promoting like crazy and which people are apparently buying like crazy too hahahha.
some feminist on reddit said “men worry that women will laugh at and reject them. women worry that men will raep and K them.”
yeah ok there is a kernel of truth there. but that doesnt mean women should be degenerate slutty n1993rs.
i like this trvmp “thank you” victory tour. he has been very busy since the election and hasnt had a rally in WEEKS, when he used to have a rally every day and give huge rousing speeches every day. it was weird to see him out of the spotlight. basically what he’s been doing is “hiding out” in trvmp tower talking to people and making big decisions of who he wants on his team. whcih is great, but i want him to come out in front of the cameras and 100000000 cheering people and call the media a bunch of disgusting animals and build the wall and drain the swamp and MAGA and make good deals. hopefully he does Rallies when he is prez.
so yeah if you worry men will r and kill you, dont put yourself in situations where you are basically putting yourself out there on a platter for those men, basically saying R me and K me!!!!!!!!!!
doesnt mean any woman DESERVES to be R’d and K’d, it’s just DONT BE STUPID. dont be the kid who jumps into harambe’s paddock. dont put your head in a lions mouth. dont point a loaded gun at your face. dont tease men when you don’t know that man, you dont know that he’s not a dangerous man.
you come SO CLOSE to really knowing a woman as A Human Being, and then she does a total 180 and throws you out of her life in a way that you cant even image doing to another human being.
not all women Would Do That, not even most women Would Do That.
if you’re not sure the best way to dump someone, just pay a Social Worker $50 to do it for you. don’t go out to lunch or dinner for a while. use secs to coerce your FWB’s into paying for your Birth Control, or to just give you the $50 for the shrink. suck off your Boss for $50. cuddle with some omega orbiter for a $50 fee. you know how EASY it is for you to get $50????!!?!?!?!?!
just hold off buying stupid clothes and shoes and purses for a week. small price to pay for saving somebody Thousands of Hours of Suffering.
you and i should probably listen to this song 3 times every day. quite possibly the single most POWERFUL song ever written.
music by dougie maclean who is not the composer of the film score, who is trevor jones, who took the dougie maclean song and integrated it into the score.
heh i think uncle bern should get a wife but i have bought his book as a way of supporting him. i wish i could have bought it from him directly. he is a good, principled man who i have admired for years. apparently he tells some personal anecdotes about his relships with women in this one, so thats worth the price of admission for me.
it was either that or donate to his paypal or patreon. which i still might do.
https://disenchantedscholar.wordpress [dot] com/2016/03/01/the-real-millennial-woes-student-debt-homeless-priced-out-of-parenthood-and-no-pension/
(doesnt have anything to do with the guy MW, a good article and blog nonetheless)
heh. so i took the plunge and joined patreon so i can pledge 1.67$ to millennial woes per month ($20 per year hehe)
and $1 to uncle bern per month. in the past i would have given him moar. i will give him more if he becomes a huhwhyte nationalist or has children hahahahaha. but he does deserve to quit his damn soul crushing school job and become a Content Creator Fulltime.
2 years ago i emailed him and asked him if i could donate to him. he said no thank you i really dont want to do that. i said hey im happy to donate but you do what you want. well hes changed his mind in the past 2 years and i can’t blame him. he produces great stuff and deserves to quit his damn stupid job. and we SHOULD pay him for sacrificing his personal time to make great videos and podcasts. its not a donation, its paying for a valuable service hehehehe. he’s given me hours of education and enjoyment so why SHOULDNT i give him some money. he apparently has begun to understand that concept. maybe when he quits his job he will reveal that he knows all about the JQ.
i also see it as whites helping whites hahahahah. i wouldnt donate to a nonwhite.
anyway that disgruntled scholar or whatever i linked above points out a very important point that was interestingly enough quoted from a jooish guardian article: that 27 year old millennials in 2016 are bitter and butthurt because they think about their boomer parents when THEY were 27 and how they already had a HOME and CHILDREN. it is very sad to get old enough that you WANT children, and then realize you CANT AFFORD THEM. and that you cant afford to own a home that isnt in a violent nonwhite crime ghetto. and you might not even be able to afford that. buy a home in midtown oakland or gary hahahaha or newark. the ghettoest ghetto of new orleans.
why would you ever want children? then you cant enjoy life experiences and tinder hookups and travel. why would you want to own a home when you cant rent an apt with 10 roomates when youre 30? and those black ghettos are only violent because of a cycle of poverty adn institutional racism created by WHITE PEOPLE. you SHOULD live there so you can reap what you sow. SEE THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS, hahahahahaha.
i thought i was all about that hahaha.
hehehehe one of the best gifs i have seen in months. if you are in a bad mood watching this could probably still be guaranteed to make you laugh.
so classic. i bet that man has had 1,488,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times more secs and cuddling and making out that i have hahahahahahaha.
ok i should have a smaller version of the moving gif too
bretty kewl amirite hahahahahahaha
now is there something actually pornographic about this, or do i think that just because my brain has been thoroughly pornified by jooz?
i wish i could see this, and really the whole world, and WOMEN, through the eyes of an innocent who had never seen the thousands of hours of PORN I have watched. it really warps your damn mind.
i mean i havent watched it seriously in a YEAR and i still feel the effects.
and how many guys have not watched porn in a YEAR. like less than 1% hahahahahaha.
well thats pessimistic. maybe 10% hahaha. NOT ALL MEN WATCH PORN!!!!!!!!
i think he must have some kind of plastic ring in his mouth to be able to hold it open in that weird shape.
oh those stupid WHITE frat boys. these white males are the stupidest jackasses on the planet.
wearing warm Kodiak Heat Socks from walmart, they are warmer than regular socks. but its not super cold out there. it Feels Like 28 degrees, ok thats kinda cold, but not man cold.
well people in fookin williston north dakota probably get their cold weather socks at walmart too hahahaha so i am as getting as good as they are. WALMART.
if you cant get it at walmart, it isnt worth buying hahahahaha.