YOU WANT TO HELP BUT YOU CAN ONLY HARM

feb 25

this is happening right now. quickly watched the speeches by Muh Woes, RZP, and Fat Forney. Woes was great and looked 600000 times more presentable than at NPI. he lost weight and was wearing a Dress Shirt and had a great speech where he mentioned the 14 words several times. MUH N1GG4.

RZP had a good speech where he showed himself to be very J aware and well read, though still maintaining his sense of humor. I just dont like 4 minute videos that are more jokes than substance. but he seems to be moving away from that. i resubbed to his channel after watching hahahaha.

Forney surprised me and had a great speech, getting passionate at times. he def gets mocked and and bullied by TRS but I thought his speech was really good. he mentioned his progression into becoming more pro-white than he was in the mala fide days (and I enjoyed IMF back in the day.) at this rate he is not far from potentially disavowing the more degenerate of his older books. still needs to lose weight though. maybe then a black suit would look better. but i am damn tempted to reinstate muh patreon dnation to him after this one. good job forney. give him a little credit on this.

oh god bless you george, i think he is making a breakthrough right now, at long last. he is developing a real sense of humor and confidence.

this is the video he’s referring to which he dd just previously.

I was moved to send him what I thought was a friendly and supporting message to encourage him on what seems to be a really positive turn for george. i really want to see him succeed because me and him are very very much alike, have fought with very very similar issues.

i think this is the correct song order.

saturday “morning”, the time is right for this maiden LIVE album. 1984 ish, the height of their game. regretting more and more not seeing them live on book of souls tour. hope there is a next time, maiden is now officially on The Concert Bucket List. Period.

one of my serious worries is that i will hurt people rather than help them, when I am coming at them with 6000000000% Good Faith and Will to help them. I want to help neets and losers and people like me and George. I very rarely reach out and communicate with these people. When I do, it’s only out of the will to support and encourage and help them. I would be absolutely devastated if my efforts had a NEGATIVE effect on them. I HATE being a BAD INFLUENCE on people, in short, because that’s the last thing I want to be. I want to be a GOOD influence on them.

but it’s hard because of my own issues, I CAN potentially be a negative influence on people without even trying, certainly without wanting. It DEVASTATED me to think i was a negative influence on That Woman and made her life worse, when she was a good influence on me and made my life better. I wanted to do the same thing to her.

thank GOD I am over that, but the same sentiment applies to anyone I know in real life. my few friends and acquaintances. i dont want to be a Toxic Person that they are better off cutting me out of their lives. and especially when I make an effort to be a supportive and friendly. I don’t want them to say, welp he means well but he’s just not good enough.

possibly even worse is if they DO take my input seriously, but then misunderstand it, misinterpret it, and do bad things. thankfully i dont really have any examples of that.

something in Woes’s video on milo, he had a tangent that mentioned that some men might want to be mentors and helpers to younger people. help and guide and improve them. But maybe the mentor is in such a shitty state that even though he WANTS to help, it would STILL be a BAD idea for the “mentee” to listen to them. meaning its BEST for you to NOT EVEN TRY TO HELP people, because when you TRY to HELP people, you just end up HURTING them. as someone who WANTS TO HELP people, this worry is very very very troubling indeed. which is prob why i don’t Reach Out to people who need help. and why I consciously distance myself from communicating directly with the intended audience of this blog – hwyte men who NEED HELP.

but also even more of a priority than helping others is helping MYSELF first. doctor cure thyself first hahahaha. but at the same time, i DO totally see myself as POTENTIALLY being helpful to others in similar positions, even though I’m not a full blown winner yet, and probably wont be until I am 50, if ever.

but I don’t want to totally BAN myself from EVEN TRYING TO HELP people. if the opportunity is there, I want to be able to do it, and actually succeed.

again, not a HUGE worry because it actually hasn’t happened. The closest thing i’ve actually experienced is having friends I really liked and respected, and wanting to improve their lives the way that they improved mine……and failing, because ultimately I wasn’t a “good fit” with them. like with That Woman.

or, 10 years ago, I was a total degenerate, drinking and MJ’ing and being a total punk loser, but I STILL had good friends. good, positive people. but I was the bad boy. they might have joked that I was a bad influence on them, corrupting the youth, turning younger kids into MJ heads or cynical nihilists. I knew they were partially joking, but I always worried about the kernel of truth there. I mean they didn’t Reject me and say get away from me you loser, so I realize I was probably more of a good influence than a bad influence. but even just the idea that I could be a bad influence at all. that really sits badly with me and is prob one of the more effective motivators to improve myself. but god damn that has been a long, long, long, slow baby steps struggle lasting well over 10 years and will prob last 20 years at least. bringing me WELL into the second half of my LIFE, which I am close to entering right now. god damn.

like it felt really good to Communicate with George just as he seems to be Turning His Life Around. then I got hit with the doubt that he might not need my help, not WANT my help, and just find me useless at best, and actively harmful at worst.

cuz i could see myself Helping People for a Living, and I would hate to be in that position and FAIL COMPLETELY at it. To want and try to help them, but just end up hurting them.

i know this is a very real thing for social workers and therapists and shrinks and teachers and people whose job it is to help people, who really WANT to help people. they end up taking shit too personally. it boils down to the fact that you can never MAKE someone do ANYTHING. you can lead the horse to water but cant make them drink. period. but you also cant HELP but take it personally when you’ve tried so hard to help them. its a similar situation with muh fam. they’ve tried so hard to help me……but nothing worked. thankfully I have made more of a conscious effort to “pay them back” for their valiant, heroic efforts, to send the message that even if i didn’t turn out too well, I still appreciate their heroic, self-sacrificing efforts. any other kid would have turned out to be a huge success, but i was always a bad seed i guess.

but thats a horrible view of muh self. i really really feel like a bad seed but, just like George, i do have a good side. it can just be REALLY HARD to FIND and to encourage in yourself. to feel the good dog and NOT feed the bad dog, to use that old very very very very TRUE cliche. I’ve fed the bad dog so much, i dont even know what the good dog looks like or where he is. the good dog has become an unknown unknown hahahahahaha. but thats not totally true, i know my good dog involves my desire to help people like i said above. and to be a nice moral person who wants to help people, to help children, to be a good person and not a lazy loser degenerate.

you totally can lose track of your good dog, not have contact with him for months or years. so it really IS an empowering thing to finally stumble upon the good dog again. but you gotta hold on to him, feed him, and not let him go. I am sort of doing this and George seems to finally have found his good dog for the first time in a while. maybe reminds me that I have a good dog in myself too, we ALL do. even fookin nonwhytes. but ESPECIALLY hwytes hahahahaha.

ok i have pre emptively moved this into the topkek posts page because these are very important points. serious shit. but i think i am done being serious today, so back to the SHITPOSTING hahahahaha.

was a pill popping maniac yesterday, which yes, IS degenerate. 3 valiums and 2 benedryls. crashed into bed around 130 am, having got up at 5am the previous day. slept pretty solidly to about 12pm and then have been eckbearding today….well sorta. watched some great yt vids, wrote a very nice thing to george, wrote a qualitypost above, so really the neckbearding starts now. but its already 4pm . feels more like 1 pm hahaha. this is what happens when you stay up late and get up late.

would like to do a powerwalk but it might be too cold out there, coldest its been all week. cold and windy. not a good comvo hahahah.

got a social thing today starting at the late hour of 10 pm. will prob take 1 valium before leaving. ideally would sing a good karaoke song. actually ideally i would find some degenerate at the bar and buy 20 dollars of MJ off him hahaha. its actually not impossible. also contribute 20 dollars of goodwill to the group bar tab as several achievements are being celebrated. and ive been wanting to go to more social events and not look like an aloof antisocial prick. i dont have to stay longer than 2 hours. no one is asking me to close down the bar, although the others prob will hahahaha.

hahaha it looks like well known swedish black metal band marduk is now being PROTESTED by ANTIFA on some 2017 US shows because they think they are NAZIS hahahaha. i have been on the fence about making an effort to see marduk. i mean i really SHOULD, im sure its a GREAT metal show,and ive never seen them, and have sorta wanted to for years. they have a good aesthetic of christraeping black metal and i like their brutal blasting and i like that their Aesthetic has become gradually more “FASCIST” over the years, that is much better than satanic bullshit. naturally the antifa see this and think they are nazis. Which i would be thrilled if they WERE! but now i’m hoping marduk doesnt CUCK and make a statement like “we are a nonpolitical band who is totally anti racist and anti fascist, we welcome fans of all races. we just like ww2 stuff in our Brutal Aesthetic.” i mean the same thing happened to SLAYER. i cant remember if they made any Cucky Walkback statements. Pretty weak to see Toughguy metal bands doing Cucky Tolerance and Diversity stuff. to my knowledge, marduk hasn’t said a damn word and I hope they keep it that way and just continue playing brutal shows and this makes me want to see them more.

my main problem with them is , i want to like them and i’ve TRIED to like them for YEARS, but its SO hard to sit through an entire album without getting bored. the best would be a greatest hits album or a greatest hits concert. i dont doubt the concerts are great. i really should go. but stay away from all the degenerate drug and alcohol nihilist metalheads. shit some TRVE FASCISM would give their lives some direction and make them MUCH better people.

or the antifa complained that morgan from marduk didn’t roundly condemn varg vikernes when varg was arrested about 3 years ago for hate speech or something (later charges were dropped thankfully.) morgan said thats good they were dropped, this is a ridiculous violation of freeze peach. of course antifa hate that. means youre supporting a neo nazi.

they even bring up the fact that supporting band on tour incantation had a Ebil Nazi in their band 15 years ago.  I have seen incantation live more than any other death metal band, they put on a GREAT show every time. most of their albums are boring though. except for the old ones with the nazi singer. he has an EXCELLENT voice. and yes he is pretty much a much biger nazi than marduk ever will be hahahaha. and i love it! I say good for him! i’m surprised he doesnt get more pushback. but his current band disma has been banned from tours recently. they dont even say racist stuff. they just have craig pillard with his best death metal vocals ever. I enjoyed their album. I luv pillard’s voice, one of muh fav DM singers. and i LUV that he LUVS HIS RACE OPENLY. I STAND WITH CRAIG PILLARD hahahahaha. If I ever see you craigy I will buy you lunch and try to have an important conversation about race with you hahahahaha.  but yeah i’m not much into death metal. just iron maiden and black metal hahahaha.  and ALWAYS open to alt right, pro hwyte, racist music. hard to find GOOD ones there tho. greyfield stray is explicity alt right and post on TRS  but they/he are….. alternative prog rock? I should try listening more.

ok go to grocery store at 8pm. checked the google maps for a drop off in busy time. prefer to go to store on fridays not saturdays but working normies HAVE to go on sat or sun. and god have mercy on the poor souls who have to WORK at the grocery store on the weekends!!!!!!

yeah i would luv to sc0re a 20 dolla thing of MJ from some guy at the bar hahahaha. i mean it is a good bar. pretty much explicitly hwyte. always comments about how there’s never any blacks and are blacks even ALLOWED here? so yeah its pretty much the best bar ever, but still all the hwytes get degenerately drunk and bang barsluts.

but it is tech fun to watch karaoke. just too stressful to be put on the spot and have people goading you to do karaoke when you dont have a good song prepared, and youre not raging drunk because you dont drink anymore, in contrast to all the people around you getting raging drunk and partying and having a great time.

oh shit the lyrics of iron maiden’s “run to the hills” are explicitly anti-white, written from the perspective of Natives who were killed by the evil white conquistadores from across the sea.  well that’s what im getting out of the lyrics i can discern.

well i’ll let it slide because i dont think this is indicative of where their beliefs are at, i think they were just kind of doing a fantasy LARP as natives, i don’t know WHY, but they dont seem to do it regularly, and also it’s a pretty overrated song, never one of my favorites, pretty forgettable as far as their hits go hahahaha. just dont do it again guys.

and on a whole, iron maidens lyrics have NEVER been really IDEOLOGICAL or POLITICAL. which I wouldnt have a problem if they were ideological in the right way hahahahaha.

i also have this fantasy, this hope, that maiden was less degenerate than other bands like priest. they didnt do as much coke, they didnt drink themselves stupid as much, they didnt bang as many filthy whores, they actually had enough pride to not perform sloppy concerts while fooked up on drugs and alcohol and half assing it for the working slobs paying to see a good show.

like when i was a young lad going to pantera concerts (wow does that make me feel OLD), they were often shitty drunk. i thought that was awesome, as I glorified the degen behavior they showed in their “watch it go” video, where they made being a drunk degenerate look like the most fun in the world.

to their credit the band still sounded tight as shit and i guess darrell was capable of playing perfectly despite having an 80% BAC hahahaha. but phil was always sloppy and fooking hostile hahahaha. he was not at his finest. of course i thought this made him a huge badass, but now i’m mature enough to realize its disrespectful to himself, his band, and the fans.

but yeah it was ultimately horrible for me to think that pantera was so cool the way they partied like degen animal N3GR0ES. I just didnt view it like that. it was more like, god damn its awesome and fun to be raging drunk as much as possible!!!!!!!!

i dont blame them for my own degeneracy…..but that was not a good example for me to be following. i really wish i knew better.

ok now looking for iron maiden tributes, pref with more “heavy” bands and less gay bands hahahaha. i would even listen to metallica doing tribute as long as they are not being super gay hahaha. the remember tomorrow cover does sound ok. i know opeth did a cover of this song too. never my fav maiden song to begin with hahaha.

there are some good bands in here like evoken and morgion for example. and angel corpse!!!! solitude aeternus is not bad. absu is ok, vital remains is probably listenable haha. i think i saw them live. probably with incantation hahahaha. who is of course the much better DM band and they should do some maiden covers.

morgion was a VERY UNDERRATED band and i would luv to see them come back. I discovered them when I was YOUNG and that was one of the better musical taste decisions I made at that age. the solinari album is a timeless classic.

homeowners insurance. zillow IMPLIES that it adds a pretty big amount to your monthly mortgage payment. do you HAVE to get the insurance? is it a complete jooish scam bullshit with no benefits, like CAR insurance, which i spent a decent amount of money on, but get NO benefit from it, even if, ESPECIALLY if i were to get in a car accident? im only buying the “cheapest”, most useless insurance, because i legally HAVE to, and it is a TERRIBLE deal. its very expensive and get no value out of it. getting SCREWED. this is why literally TONS of people just dont buy car insurance and drive without insurance. because they simply cant AFFORD the legal bare MINIMUM. is home insurance like that?

because i see a house for sale for 6000 dollars and im like hmmmm.

also i dont like the idea of this iron maidens female tribute band. the picture i saw showed an honestly VERY attractive white guitar player with her tits hanging out like a whore. it would be a lot better if they didnt dress all SEXY aka SLUTTY. that is not good for a hwyte woman to do. any woman really but hwyte women are MY women and I want to defend their honor and not have them throw it all away.

also do not trust women who play in bands. i used to think it was cool. like oh thats a Cool Chick. then i realized cool just meant crazy af and would prob have no problem throwing you away like a piece of garbage and being cold and cruel to you with crazy bullshit. but probably being very wild and secsy in the bedroom. dont stick your dick in crazy. ever. unless your heart is cold as ice and you are willing to throw her away before she throws you away. and its never good for people to throw people away. so just dont do it.

 

 

Advertisements

1433 OVENBURGERS AT 616 DEGREES

dec 10

saor/arsaidh roots MIGHT use a drum machine because i can’t find the name of a session drummer, or a direct quote  confirming like “andy marshall played an actual physical live drum kit on this album and not a machine” hahahaha.

whatever the case, it still sounds pretty damn good, i am really enjoying this guys style. not that its too groundbreaking, but in a way it is in how it seems to use SCOTLAND as its major influence. and nothing seems FORCED or SHOEHORNED.

like on how the following albums aura and guardians they clearly say so and so played drums. austin lunn of panopticon played wildman keith moon james read drums on aura (he sounds pretty good here, attacks the drums very passionately, there is NO WAY this is a machine, but with “roots” its a lot more questionable, and i dont particularly love that.)

i will probably buy a damn 25 dollar SAOR shirt hahaha but want to wait until 2017 because i have been spending TOO MUCH DAMN MONEY.

took 1 benedryl yesterday at like 6:30 pm and didnt quite hit like nyquil, but i still slept the sleep of the dead. well i did wake up once and did not fall back asleep immediately…but i did fall back into a deep sleep until almost 10 am and still feel groggy hehehehe. just from 1 tiny nebedryl.

but i was thinking it would be ideal to take it during the “work week” so i dont stay up too late and get 5 hours of sleep hehehehe. more sleep is good but im like gotta study gotta study gotta study so i dont sound like an idiot. i feel like an idiot.

so take a benedryl or nyquil as SOON as i get home, maybe do a little sleep groggy studying, and go to bed early enough to get 8 hours and wake up at 5 am hahahaha. go to SLEEP at 9pm not 11pm.

making BURGERS in the OVEN so i can then FREEZE the burgers and have them during the Big Boy NonNeet Work Week hahahahahahaha. Third Pound Burgers of 5.3 oz each. make 5 burgers at once, freeze them, bring out one per day, as alternative to buying expensive and sodium filled Deli Meats like ham or salami and i just dont like sliced turkey hahahaha. give me a damn beefburger all day. NOT lean either hahahaha. eating fat filled beef is how i lost 35 pounds and now fit into size 32 pants like a boss. and achieved a bmi of…. 21.5.

some women would freak out if their bmi were that “high” hahaha and want it back to 18 hehehe.

hehehe i would totally take a women with bmi 21.5 hehehehehe.

ok had about 1.46 lbs of 80 20 beef. started making third pound 5.3 oz patties. made 4 of those and then a tiny one. took some out of each to make the Little One into 4 ounces. 5 patties now total. made them as flat as i could on the baking sheet. put lawrys and pepper and garlic flakes on. put in oven for about 20 minutes, no flipping. at this point they were done, brown on inside, about medium. puddle of grease in the pan, burgers sitting in fat. used tongs to gently squeeze most fat out of patties. but i LUV FAT, so i dont mind a Glaze Of Fat on the Patties. your BRAIN is MADE OF FAT hahahaha.

had bought lowest cal white buns i could find, 110 cals each. pro tip: maybe try looking for SLIDER buns. started picking bits out of the buns to kinda hollow them out. get about .8 of a bun, 88 calories hahaha. 1488 burgers hahahaha.

put the burgers into little ziploc baggies and put them in freezer. 2 i put buns in there with them. take burgers out the night before to thaw in refrigerator.

ate one of the burgers right there. it tasted fine, tasted good. OVENBURGERS. i guess that DOES make them truly 1488Burgers!

but yeah they tasted perfectly fine, not dry at all, i mean shit they might be BETTER than burgers on the grill.

sheeeeeeeit. so i got delivered to muh inbox, an ideal job at an ideal employer. something that would have given me double boner during the merciless job search, where i dropped everything and applied for it IMMEDIATELY. so those are STILL the types of jobs I should apply for!!!! AND I would have a better chance at getting it now that i have essentially Ended The Dreaded GAP.

THEORETICALLY I could get the 42k a year job (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and then profusely apologize to the nice people at muh new 13k a year job (they are nice good people and i would feel guilty for disappointing them) and take them out to lunch. where i would spend no more than ………………. 75 dollars on the lunch hahahahaha.

actually they might be happy that i found a good paying FT job. I would be happy for a person in that position! its not like i’m DOING much anyway! I can’t believe they have the extra 13k laying around for what i am doing! for as low stress as the job is, i DESERVE to be making MINIMUM wage!!!!!!

trying to finish this damn body fortress whey protein. it has a lot of calories in it hahahaha so i dont take more than a quarter scoop at a time.

its an ok idea, and yeah it is less “costly” protein because you get an even higher calories to protein ratio in meat or cheese…..but those taste much better hahahahaha. also i would think damn POWDER would have LESS calories than it does.

in short, i would be better served by eating beef or chikun for muh protein.

i prefer fatty beef because i like Good Fats too and Huhwhyte Chicken Breast has no flavor. legs and thighs and wings are nice though.

maybe chikun breasts wrapped in bacon hahahaha.

also another good thing about muh New Job is that it will def help me Move On from That Woman. it is almost like the last key in the puzzle. well actually finding a New Woman would be the final, but a new job is also VERY YUGE and its just YUGEly positive and I THANK GOD for that.

did i mention that i think the hospital was going to say YES and OFFER me that job?

maybe the big picture lesson is that That Woman was NEVER a Good Fit for me at all anyway. Maybe I was even playing Captain Save A Ho. Not that she was a HO per se, but she kinda did have a troubled, unfortunate life. if i were being mean i would say Fatherless White Trash. but they had good qualities too: like she wasnt a high number SLUT, and i think most of her family had decent/ok morals, there was nothing really for me to SAVE her from, she was just kinda of a lower social class than me. but if anythign i felt she could SAVE ME by being Muh First Real GF and BOY would i have hit the JACKPOT there with such a nice sweet kind pretty and young low number gurl. she would be a GREAT gf for me. also she picks guys who dont show her enough luv. i would have showed her plenty of luv. but maybe she doesnt WANT a guy whos that NEEDY. and being show luv is a turnoff for her.

and in the LONG RUN, we were from TWO DIFFERENT WORLDS like romeo and juliet hahahaha. still at least romeo and juliet luved EACH OTHER and probably banged and cuddled a little bit hahahahaha.  unrequited luv is moar tragic than requited luv hahahaha. so yeah i would have liked a CHANCE. like just a few months of “dating” would have been nice.  who cares if we were from two different worlds. they arent THAT different. were both WHYTE. her immediate family wasnt too trashy. like neck tattoos, pain pills, alcoholics, all the men are violent or in jail.

but there was always trouble brewing on the distance. sure not her “immediate” family who lived in her house, but this relative is a pill popper and that relative is a drunk and bla bla is a pill popper on disability and etc. do i really want to merge myself with that troubled family?

again her immediate family was ok……but very close to that are some serious probs.

and even if her mother wasnt a degen drug addict………she still couldnt pick a good man! maybe she was a huge bitch who drove good men away, and she only wanted Deadbeat Men who would leave HER in the lurch! just BACK ASSWARDS with her relships! and do you think her daughter isn’t gonna pick up on that? maybe act the same way?

so in other words, i really DODGED A BULLET! I should be THANKING her for getting herself out of my life! NO GOOD could have come from that!

well thats not true. some good would have def come from it hahahaha.

but it WOULD HAVE ended. It wouldnt have lasted.

still, i would have liked to just try it and experience the GF Experience for a year, if i was just gonna get dumped anyway hahahaha.

i mean really her and her family were right on the fence. they could have gone either way. i wasnt looking to save anyone from abject degeneracy….but i kinda wanted to point people in the right direction who were right in the middle like that. COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE hahahaha.

i’d be like ok were gonna stop sm0king MJ so much. We’ll find a good winner man for your mother. we’ll do an intervention on your extended family members and if they dont clean up their act we will defoo them. we’ll do a little pygmalion on you and teach you the difference between your and you’re. we’ll (we meaning I hahaha) will implicitly steer you to some honest to god racial consciousness so that you’d never THINK of ever fooking another black cok. you will never WANT to go back!  that was a big problem with her, is that she was WAY too sympathetic to blacks…….but i think I honestly could have turned her, she showed promise for Red Pill thinking. I mean you’re SUPPOSED to MOLD women, and she showed decent potential for being molded. but she didnt want me to mold her i guess.

she wasnt so far gone in other words. like i say, she was right on the damn fence. i could have KEPT her from embarking on the road to ruin. and i guess she didnt want that.

i was also jealous of her because she could do MJ any time she wanted, and i had to depend on her for MJ. and when our rel was FAILING, i was jealous of everything she did because she didnt want to do it with ME.

and now I probably accuse her of being some huge degen MJhead doing 1 oz  every day, when she really wasnt! she might have not even been an every day user! i have NO PROOF!

so i shit talk her and say she is taking 9000 black dicks, or smokin MJ every day, etc, when she really isnt. just because im butthurt she didnt pick me.

WRONG, im butthurt because she didnt pick me, in the most disrespectful and cowardly way imaginable hahahaha.

well, when it came to Bad Influences, she usually chose wisely in dumping those people from her life, like drunks and druggies, who would then accuse her of being on a high horse, try to make her feel guilty, etc. and i would tell her don’t worry about them, they are just butthurt, besides, its totally legit to dump bad influences from your life.

and i hate that IIIIIII became one of those bad influences! I may be a loser, but im not as big of loser as pill poppers and drug addicts and degenerate womanizers and degenerate sluts and degen white trash!!!!!! and i hate being lumped in with people like that!

but she WASNT lumping me in with them, she was just running away from a tough situation. still, the end result was the same for me.

graveland has just released a rerecording album of old stuff, which is usually a bad idea, except alot of their old stuff had really bad production, and this is produced by the main man of MGLA, who is a really good producer who knows how to get a really good sound. and also graveland has a real drummer here. which was my second big problem with graveland.

i cant possibly diss graveland because they are the oldest most legendary polish BM band, rob darken is pro-white and racially woke, but their music was often boring, poorly produced, and used a damn drum machine. so its nice to see him fixing these issues.

and i guess this was recorded “live in the studio” which imho is the ideal way to record an album, no idea why you would record any other way IF you happen to have a live drummer…..which you should.

i guess he has softened and sold out a bit so he could play giant metal festivals and appreciate his nonwhite fans……but i guess i dont really care. he probably deserves to make a living from his music and i would give him the benefit of the doubt that he is pro-white and would not support muslims pouring into europe, for example. but yeah i also guess i would prefer he is more clear about saying such things, rather than “graveland has never been a political band, its a PAGAN band”

i guess mgla are sellouts because kim kelly and leftists and sjw’s like mgla hahahaha. well LOTS of people like mgla. call them racist for associating with mikko a. will probably call them racist for associating with racist graveland. but graveland is cucking on their “racism” to make jooshekels selling their music.

yeah but playing shows would be kinda FUN and why shouldnt you make money on it. i would just draw the line if darken APOLOGIZES for being white or makes blatant sjw talk. plus i like mgla, i like mgla’s production skills, and i like real drummers.

well….i forgot graveland DID have a real drummer in their early days, and he turned out to be a HUGE racist. (capricornus.) so that is kewl. however his work was not very compelling, and he became a huge alcoholic or drug addict and disappeared entirely. not cool. be a racist AND make good, good sounding music, with real drums hehehe.

yeah the drums sound really good on this recording. sigrunar is the drummer. never heard of him. hope he’s a pole. it would be kewl if it was the drummer from mgla, he is really really good.  but its not like theres only one good drummer in poland. the guy from furia is also really good. poles are capable of amazing greatness like any whites. which is why i hate sloppy, off-time, badly-produced drums! and i am really glad to see poles really Winning in black metal in the last few years. not to crap on the old polish stuff……but i kinda have to, because it is very difficult and unrewarding to listen to.  probably im just not KVLT enough ahahahhahahaa.

so sue me for wanting to be able to understand what i’m listening to. hey i like RAW NECRO KVLT productions. but theres good kvlt and theres bad kvlt. transilvanian hunger is a perfect production. it sounds just right.  something like…..i dunno…trying to think of old polish bm….ok veles “black hateful metal” is really hard to listen to.

now that mgla is getting so BIG, purists are starting to crap on them. actually the production on this graveland album does sound very…..mglaish. which imho is a great thing! even darken’s voice. it sounds great and passionate, whereas 20 years ago, he sounded like a damn croaking frog. (tho not nearly as bad as inquisition, oh my lord.)

not to crap on inquisition either. they have flirted with pro-white stuff too. not sure if they have cucked in response.

all the more reason we need Explicitly Alt Right Music. a black metal band could just be like, yep, i’m alt right, with all the racial stuff that entails.  and i think in the coming years, this is exactly whats gonna happen. and its prob gonna be with younger bands. kinda like how lots of young college kids are getting into the alt right. i think this is AWESOME.

not that older people cant get into the alt right. i sure did. i just wish i had it when I was young like these kids today do! they got LUCKY!

and it really makes you see how the Youth are NECESSARY for the success of any political movement. compare with a bunch of oldfags grumbling on stormfront or vnn or the older WN forums. its not BAD per se, but theres barely any young people, a lot of old people, and a lot of damn LOSERS. we need more WINNERS, and YOUNG people, and YOUNG WINNERS.

I know my place as an Old Loser. So I would fit in very well with stormfront or vnn hahaha. but i dont like being an old loser. i cant change being old, but i can slowly change being a loser. how about getting with a winning pro white team rather than a losing one. go with the strong horse.

if stormfront was really smart, they would get fully on board with TRS, send people over to talk, have don black Reach Out and publicly embrace trs. maybe it could have saved his darn son from becoming a damn sjw. that is sad.

the software used at the new job has a much more….professional dev team than at my old place, where everything was opaque and secret and out of date. here everything is up front, the knowledge base has a lot of pictures, it has a COMMENT SECTION where users can ask questions and request features and report bugs, rather than calling tech support, request a feature, and have it thrown into the memory hole because level 2 is not approving escalation and level 1 is thoroughly confused and flustered and the user can’t talk to people who actually know the program and have power to fix shit. no comments allowed. just a forum where angry users ask confused questions, and the company responds with please call tech support to start a ticket thank you is there anything else i can help you with.

when ideally a level 2 would call them ASAP, escalate a case to development ASAP, and tell the user yes we WILL fix this in 6 months hahahaha.

this new job software, users can talk to Company Level 3’s right on the knowledge base page, AND vote on new features, AND see updates where a feature request is ACTUALLY implemented a few months later! a company giving a real good faith effort to its users rather than trying to pawn them off on confused, underpaid, vastly undertrained level 1’s!!!!!!!! it just looks a lot more professional and ETHICAL.

I still dont understand the software as good as these experienced users making comments tho.

BUT I DONT HAVE TO TAKE CALLS FROM THEM ALL DAY!!!!!!

seeing detailed release notes of here’s what was fixed, here’s the new features, and here’s the original discussion where a user asked for this change. we didnt have anything CLOSE to that before. the users didnt even KNOW about the knowledge base / help articles, and sure couldn’t comment on them. even tech support couldnt comment on them. tech support knew less than the users.

is all tech support like that? i mean everybody is a NEWB at some point. and when youre a newb, you are less experienced than your callers. its what you do.

i dunno. i just never want to take tech support calls ever ever EVER again. maybe 1, 2 hours a day tops.

i dont really have to answer the phone, and i am sitting in the room all day with someone with a masters degree who is an expert in this software. an SME in all areas of this software, who i can simply say hay whats going on here? and they are not chained to their desk or working on 20 cases or trying to help 20 other level 1s. such a 180 degree difference. i wish i had never left for that other job. i learned some good skills and gained some confidence sure…….BUT THEN I LOST IT ALL, and now i am LESS CONFIDENT than EVER before. it was a NET LOSS. I regret ever doing it. the gains were heavily outweighed by the losses. i was in a 3 year rut.

lesson: NEVER take a job in a call center where you have to PULL TEETH to get help…..and you are gonna need help at least 20 times a day. your first line of help is a shitty knowledge base that explains nothing and makes no sense. sigggghhhhh ughhhhhhhhh did you even READ article 82047????? you didnt really read and understand it because you’re still asking me your stupid question, maybe you don’t FIT in this job. no maybe i fooking DONT.

when i was young i didnt understand that Khazar Milkers were a thing. Or that red hair is probably just as common in Joos as it is in Huhwhytes. So when i met a young qt jooish gurl with nice khazar milkers and red hair, i thought i hit the jackpot hahahahaha. found someone really special. WRONG hahahaha.

no im not butthurt about that woman…..any more hahahaha. but at that time 10 years ago i sure was! more like 11, 12 years. i thought i was losing someone of real value. WRONG. hahahaha.

no she wasnt technically a person of no value. but she didnt really WANT to be of value to ME, and she didnt value ME nearly as much as i valued HER. story of muh life with women hahahahaha.

also i’m done with joos hahahaha. NEVER AGAIN.

and its not because of HER…..its because of JOOS as a WHOLE.

you wanna be a good joo? go to 15r43l and STAY there. i cant expect a joo to repudiate being jooish. its just NOT POSSIBLE. itd be like me repudiating being huhwhyte!!!!!!

anyway, today, kids are learning at age 20 what i didn’t learn till age 30. what i wouldnt give to have those 10 years back! those really are the most IMPORTANT years of your life!!!!!

im talking about alt right stuff, especially JQ stuff. it was probably JQ that fully converted me to red pill, WN, alt right. probably the biggest, hardest, most important red pill there is. once you understand the JQ, everything else makes sense. the JQ separates the men from the boys. either you get it or you don’t. the good news is you can learn. i did. and thanks to the alt right, kids are learning now from a good young age!

a comment on an article saying “we had a panicked caller at the service desk today over a related issue, here’s what happened, we are expecting lots more calls on this.” from what sounded like an experienced , level 2 help desk guy. and he has the power to comment on knowledge base (KB) articles, which company software teams actually read and respond to.

THIS IS AMAZING! THIS SEEMS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE! IM JUST WAITING FOR THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP!!!!!!!

rather than level 1 help desk people shouting into the abyss, CAN SOMEONE WHO KNOWS SOMETHING HELP THIS POOR WOMAN! I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING AND she deserves a good faith effort!

seems like a real KAIZEN sort of company hahahahaha. where the previous company most certainly was not. runarounds, excuses, buck passing, we dont have any record of that, call the service desk and start a ticket, it can be fixed, it will be fixed in a future update, just saying that to get them off the phone, with NO assurance from higher ups that YES this really IS a known issue and more importantly, we ARE going to fix it, i PROMISE!!!!!!

this shit is very important to me, and, i imagine, to the average end user. it’s VERY frustrating when its not important to level 2’s and above.

holy FOOK there is a section in the KB article called “FIXED BUGS” and clearly lists the bugs, with a paragraph called EXPLANATION. they give an EXPLANATION and CALL IT an explanation explicitly! here’s how you EXPLAIN this to callers who want an EXPLANATION!!!!!!!!!!!

now i dont work for this company, really no one who uses this software works for that company in-house. you buy access to the software, probably at a highass price. but its good to see they are taking their customers damn seriously, or at least appear to be!

maybe at the last company, we were all in house, the developers, the users, so thats why they felt they could get away with such shitty service. your callers werent the companys CUSTOMERS.

but this is FOOKING STUPID because they’re calling BECAUSE they are trying to serve paying customers, and the company’s in house software is preventing them from doing that! and believe me, many customers WALKED because of stupid shit like this!

the company was LEGIT FAILING. that’s why they had tons of layoffs, because they were losing money, because customers were walking, weren’t coming back! partially because of shit like this! shitty service! so they closed the place where i used to work and laid off all those good people who did HEROIC shit every day because they wanted to help these poor callers, but we were fighting against higher ups all the time! nope just give them the runaround, its too expensive to fix the problem. ignore it.

i’m glad to see the company failing because of this…….but i’m not happy to see all those good people lose their jobs. but the job sucked and they deserve better jobs. REALLY they should have laid off all the upper management and executives and given the level 1’s and prob level 2’s a raise and promoted the good ones to manager, and given them power to actually fix shit and take their callers seriously. to kaizen shit, constantly improve your software and systems, which needed SO MUCH IMPROVEMENT its not even funny.

nope just keep kickign the can down the road and slapping bandaids on a TOTAL CLUSTERFOOK.

so shit yeah i was disgruntled from that place hahahaha.

and i was butthurt at that woman because she wasnt. she was like oh well, whatever, its just a job, dont let it get to you, get out of my life entirely, i dont want you in my life any more.

losing a loved person is a big stressful life event. so is losing your job. so is being in a soul crushing stressful job. and i had all of that going on at once. so that i was in some form of extreme pain for  3 full years. the 3 year rut. i cant believe i am finally starting to get out of it. THANK GOD. yeah also being long term unemployed is very bad for your self respect, self esteem, confidence. 3 year fookin rut man. the past 3 years sucked balls. and i cant believe its finally coming to an end. FINALLY. THANK GOD.

FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST, THANK GOD ALMIGHTY, IM FREE AT LAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN

HOW is this the life I’ve chosen hahahahahaha.

oct 25

sheeeeeeeeeeeit.  interview this afternoon with banking company, easy back office super entry level high school job hahahaha.  but i cant get a sweet 35k Recent Graduates or Pathways job with FEDGOV, so as an Old Graduate, Im forced to settle for a 25k nongraduate job hahahahaha. THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN. THIS IS THE HAND IVE BEEN DEALT. I CHOSE THIS hahahaha.

well thats contradictory: you dont CHOOSE the hand you get DEALT by the dealer. its all chance. fate.

yeah but i made a bunch of poor decisions and mistakes that led me to where i am today, so, indeed, THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN.

I was in a C++ coding class with this guy who always used to say that. he was prob severely depressed, maybe 45 years old, working FT i think with mainframes, and i had no idea why he was in the class. he sounded like he had been working with code for years. i guess he didnt know c++, and he also wanted to chip away at his degree so he could get a better job. at age 50. even though he was already working like 60 hours a week in a tech job. he would chain smoke during the break in the 3 hour class and say THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN and sigh despairing and demoralizingly.  hahahahahahaha. great guy.

maybe he was a virgin or a woman hater too! hahaha. or a Creepy, Abusive, Controlling, Clingy, Needy, Immature, Toxic, Narcissistic Bad Man.

the obvious response is: HOW IS THIS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN??!?!?!?! I DIDNT CHOOSE THIS!!!! DID I?!?!?!?! I DONT REMEMBER CHOOSING THIS!!!! NOBODY ASKED ME! NOBODY TOLD ME!!! I DIDNT KNOW!!!!!

IGNORANCE OF THE LAW IS NO EXCUSE. THIS IS THE LIFE YOUVE CHOSEN.

you chose it without KNOWING you were choosing it, or what you were choosing. but you chose it nonetheless.

god damn. how the hell did i not apply for one of those recent grad pathways jobs with FEDGOV when i was a recent grad? because i was immature AF as well as a jooish marxist who believed fedgov was an evil behemoth oppressive nonwhites at home and abroad. how could i become a part of the bloated military industrial complex used to oppress and kill innocent nonwhite wimmin and children in iraq and syria and afghanistan.

like they were just GIVING AWAY 35k entry level jobs to 22 year old shitheads like me. i mean its prob competitive as shit. but i DID have Superior GPA from a Name School, so i think i did technically have a chance. now I got no chance because im not even ELIGIBLE. Im too old. i missed the boat. the fast track. now i am on the nowhere track.

they have more Recent Grad Pathways jobs than they do Basic Bitch GS 05 jobs!!!!!!!!!!!!

i coulda been a contender, i coulda started at gs07, but now id be happy AF to take 05! pleeeeease respond! please interview me! most of all please hire me!

this is how i kill 34 minutes before going to muh interview hehehe. i mean i got the big interview done yesterday. i already researched this company today, i researched them 2-3 weeks ago when i did the other interviews.

i could TECHNICALLY start a masterz degree program (BS online MBA) and then get into one of these pathways jobs hehehehehe.

i mean making alot of assumptions here. what if the pathways job is harder to get into than HARVARD or MIT. i just dont know.

“sort of ex/bf” wtf does that mean???? YOU DONT KNOW IF HES YOUR EX OR NOT???!!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!??!!

heh. at least i got that going for me. there is NO DOUBT that That Woman did not want to be with me. So now all I need to do is Forget About Her, and uhh learn the lessons and not make the same mistakes again. not be a COWARD again. be a MAN.

FIFTY DOLLARS to see MORRISSEY??? For 20 sure. for 30 maybe, a big maybe. i mean im not even a huge morrissey fan, i just respect what he’s done and i like the ridiculous lovesick grumpy image. i only know like 3 or 4 smiths songs and like 1 or 2 morrissey songs. 50$? rather spend it on MJ hahahahaha.

 

why dont you go to grad skool, you old white man. you get in what you put out. maybe if you CAREER FOCUSED like WOMEN you wouldnt be in this mess.

way to have a NEGATIVE, ENTITLED attitude that employers can SMELL a MILE away. go to THERAPY and fix your negative entitled attitude.

i was thinking about posting just to give him sympathy but then the post got locked. prob cuz it got very heated in there with people piling on this poor guy. IMHO, he is ENTITLED to have a negative attitude!

did i even talk about the interview? it was ok enough, i was nervous and rambling. i appreciated that they werent trying to RUSH me out of there in 45 minutes. it ended up being damn 90 minutes. i get the impression they give people all the time they need to Hire and Interview. i was a little exhausted at the end of it. the person was nice enough.

unfort there is also a damn second interview. i didnt expect a second interview for this damn 13 dollar an hour job. well i mean i didnt expect it to be a part of the process. but i would like this job so i DO want to get invited to the second interview.  but its also discouraging. i dont think ive ever made it to a second interview. i mean i am honestly sick of interviewing. 27 interviews and no job hahahahaha. well, i am a little TOO picky about jobs because i know I would prob K myself at a restaurant or fast food or grocery job. so i am trying to get a damn office job.

well just get a “transitional” job. well thats the thing. well sure you have to bullshit like its not transitional and you want to work at this shady restaurant the rest of your life.

well i can handle a lot more than i THINK i can handle, when I am not having Huge Personal Drama with a Woman at the job.

so if any one of these 27 places said yes, i could have probably handled it. for a year or so. then ragequit. then spent the next 15 months trying to find new job haha.

well the manager i talked to knew one of muh references, sort of. i will take that as a good sign. a SIGN from GAWWWWWDDDDDDDD. much like seeing that woman from my old job, working at the place i interviewed yesterday. not sure what is the better sign.

or it just means nothing hehehehe.

now i feel strangely tired. even though i got plenty of sleep. i always get plenty of sleep. too much sleep! i worry how i would be able to handle working 50 hours a week! i would literally have to do nothing but work and sleep. no exercise, no chores, no family, no 1488 podcasts, no powerwalks, no writing hahaha.

but heres the thing, i cant go RIGHT TO SLEEP after work because im too worried and my mind spinning and reeling about work stuff. the best thing i can do is take a ton of MJ, relax a bit, and THEN go study for 90 minutes or so, to give me a sense of confidence on the Work Material and that I am Ready for the crazy day tomorrow. so thats at least 2 hours of post-work home stuff there.

for a person that likes to spend 12 hours a day in bed, that is hard to swing hahahaha.

is it normal to spend 12 hours a day in bed? what is it a symptom of? despair? laziness?

i dont spend the WHOLE TIME sleeping. but uhh I do spend about 10 hours sleeping. 10 hours sleeping every night. the average is 7 hours. come on. but i feel like i cant FUNCTION hahahaha.

i mean yeah for a while i WAS a normie, getting 7 hours of sleep, working super stressful job all day every day. i was paying my dues just like everyone else.

but i just want a job where i can do tasks. have a routine. not have so much god damn change and confusion and being SLAMMED and having to explain and fix shit you didnt understand. its your job to answer the phone and there are calls always waiting in the queue.

heh the best was when i was on like a 90 minute call and i really had to urinate because i had been drinking a lot of coffee and water. i have actually put the caller on hold, ran out of the room and urinated, then came back to continue the call 2 minutes later with no one the wiser. because i was constantly putting the caller on hold for 5 minutes at a time to “research” or “get some advice” or run such and such a program.

but yeah that was HORRIBLE. i guess theoretically i could have asked the caller for permission so i could go to the Restroom. newbs would think, well why cant you just call them back.

ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY CALL THEM BACK because then you are in OUTBOUND call mode and that counts as Not Ready and you have to be Ready 85% of the time.  you are only ready when you are Inbound. on an inbound call, or those times when you are waiting for an inbound call.

i dont remember those times so much but we actually had them. but those times kinda sucked too because you were on the edge of your seat worried about when you would get that call and what it would be. i couldnt just Chill Out.

but yeah technically it WAS better than having one call after the other, to at least get a couple minutes between calls to rest or maybe even talk to your neighbor and try to convince yourself you were a normal human being who knew how to talk to people.

i dont want to work in a goddamn call center on inbound calls ever again! is that so illegit of me???!?!?!?!?!?!

its not like i wont serve customers or talk to people! i will give customer service! I will even sit in the inbound call queue for……..2 hours a day hahahaha. maybe even 3. but not fookin EIGHT hours a day.

i just hate that i WASNT TOUGH ENOUGH. I wasnt tough enough but SHE was.

 

wait until she leaves him for one of her more interesting male friends, he is right to be “insecure.” also he is shamed for thinking casual sex is wrong and not liking that his GF had a FWB casual sex partner. shamed by all the casual sex NIHILIST sluts of reddit.

feel pretty exhausted, not sure why. was it really because of muh 90 minute interview? i think so. but i used to do the equivalent of 8 hours of interviews every day at work. and yeah i was exhausted too but i couldnt sleep because my mind was RACING and worried.

right now im not worried and mind racing thank GOD. but i shouldnt be THIS tired. just from a 85 minute interview. i mean i sleep 10 hours a day. i cant upgrade the citalopram any more said the dr, 40 mg is maximum dose. the other option is that i could add wellbutrin. who knows. might do that. keep adding shit until one day i can HANDLE Normie Life. not even a Rel! but just a normie job. like the ones i interviewed for today and yesterday.

int tommorow, i am barely even preparing. i have talked to these people TWICE before, taken like FOUR tests with them, also this is a part time job, i am sick of doing prep work for them. but this part time job pays pretty well (15 an hour) and i would not turn it down AT ALL. I would welcome it.

just too many god damn college “educated” professional women on reddit. thinking they are all smart and progressive with their horrible nihilistic “progressive” “values.”

anyway i am a VERY low key guy and i would not like the “rockstar” gf like this guy has. its fine and dandy she has “CHOSEN” him but i guarantee shes gonna end up CHOOSING one of her more interesting male friends, and his “insecurities” will be 100% correct. he would be better off with a low key person like him, someone who doesnt have FWB’s.

i certainly want a low key woman. That Woman was very low key and did not like to party at all. no drinking, no going out, just staying in with the family, no tons of male friends. i LUVED that about her. i mean i have dealt with the other type of woman too. too many male friends, sluts, etc. college sluts that probably use reddit now and give horrible advice.

anyway i just worry that I singlehanded Ruined my rel with that woman because of My Issues that I should have been Getting Therapy for!!!!!!

but i HAVE been going to Some Therapy and taking medz every day!

oh god what a butt slut hahahahahahahaha

at the age of 24 shes ONLY had THREE serious enough relationships (out of 600000000000 secs partners) that she Luved enough to let them put it in the ass. THANKS.

anyway didnt mean to get on a tangent there.  i just dont want to RUIN rels with My Issues. Insecurities and Anxiety and Despair and Hate and Judgeyness hahahahaha. oh you had 3 FWBs thats gross and NIHILISTIC hahahaha. well it is.

well i mean reddit said its FRIENDS with benefits and its not nihilistic, its not disrespectful, and it involves communication and respect and mutual appreciation, you are not just using people for secs nihilistically.

so THEORETICALLY its something I MAY be capable of. like if i met a qt young gurl who i thought, oh yeah shes attractive i wouldnt mind having secs with her.

but if she was a decent person and i got along with her as a FRIEND, AND was secsually attracted to her…….i would CERTAINLY get some kind of FEELINGS very quickly.

so i dont understand how these FWBs just dont end up Dating.  you get along with the person as a friend, which is HUGE, AND you are secsually attracted to them, with is HUGE, and together with the getting along? i mean shit it sounds like something that would work really well as Dating, so why the f not do that?

like i was good friends with that woman and wished i could date someone i got along with that well. and then i started thinking of her secsually…..and boom the FEELINGS came right along with that.

so yeah FWB points to the nihilistic shit of being able to separate secs from feelings, which IMHO is nihlistic and wrong and disturbing, just like that anxious niceguy(tm) OP says in that reddit where he was shamed.

fookin interviews. sick of this shit hahahahaha.

IF MEN HAD AS MANY FEMALE FRIENDS AS WOMEN HAD MALE FRIENDS, WOMEN WOULD BE EVEN MORE JEALOUS THAN MEN

dfgsdhdfgn

oct 1

so manlet woes has done his first major semipublic speech at this dutch erkenbrand conference in setp 2016, well done lad. i remember when he was just a despairing neet making black pill vidyas a few years ago, now he is kind of a leader talking to rooms of people and people paying him thousands of dollars to fly to the US and make speeches here that I will not be at hahahahahaha.

i was wondering if he would wear a suit but he just wore a black shirt which is pretty nice. i know dressing like a neet slob is his   A E S T H E T I C   but he really deserves better and it shouldnt be his aesthetic. but you can really easily slip into dressing like a slob when you havent had a job or a woman in YEARS hahahaha.

well i guess now he has a woman and what he does is kinda like a job, so yeah he SHOULD have more confidence because of that and dress better. i know i would hahahaha. anyway i hope he is with a decent woman who is at least a 7 and wont dump him.

on /r/relships there are a ton of things where there is a woman whose “BEST FRIEND” is a man or vice versa. bonus points if they once dated and or fooked or were/are FWB. and then the woman writes in bitching that her BF is jealous of her “BEST FRIEND” who is a man, who she once fooked, and its the BF’s fault for being controlling and insecure and immature and having jealousy issues, dump him now and find a more mature man.

had a dream with HER in it. i was hanging out with her i think in a group of people and she was being kinda bitchy to me, and I was passive aggressively talking to her like, remember when we used to be better friends than this, we used to be closer, you used to be nicer to me, what happened, why dont you ever want to hang out with me any more, and she was just being bitchy, like well im busy and youre annoying. be cooler and maybe id want to hang out with you more. but youre not cool enough to hang out with me one on one.

basically just acting like a random B rather than someone i was Actual Literal friends with. but those days are gone. LONG GONE. yet i still have the occasional dream. not too often thank god.

and yes you SHOULD be suspicious when a woman has a lot of male friends. even a bit JEALOUS if your GF has many male friends. how do you think SHE would feel if you YOU had MANY female friends?? just a little bit jealous!!!!!!

but just because its so much more common for women to have lots of male friends, than for men to have lots of female friends, the women think its just normal to have lots of male friends. when instead they should be asking themselves, hmm, why dont men have lots of female friends?  and how would i feel if the guys i dated had many female friends, the way i have tons of male friends?

i believe you would see a lot of jealousy from the women then, but you just dont see it now, because men just dont HAVE a lot of female friends for the women to be jealous of!

IF MEN HAD AS MANY FEMALE FRIENDS AS WOMEN HAD MALE FRIENDS, WOMEN WOULD BE EVEN MORE JEALOUS THAN MEN.

another simple truth women just dont understand and which even sounds profound to me, because the simple truth doesnt get stated nearly as much as it should. so we forget simple truths.

heh some people it takes half the time to get over it, ive seen some say it takes the SAME amount of time to get over, i would probably be closer to that. or how about 75%. yeah. cuz the first few months dont really “count.”

so, i had rounded 2.7 years up to 3 years and was saying 1.5 years, which puts me at feb 14 or so (hehehehehe how fitting) but… ok 75% of 2.7 years is 2.025 years. lets just say 2 years. which makes new dday mid july 2017. ok thats fine too.

HERES THE THING hehehehe channeling k1ke enoch. heres the thing. i wouldnt hate women so much if they did a similar thing, go no contact and just Stop Dating for Two Years. but they DONT. they are dating and FOOKING a new guy within two months MAX, even though it really DOES take them two years to get over the previous guy.

THEY FOOK AND DATE OTHER GUYS WHILE THEY ARE GETTING OVER PREVIOUS GUYS. THIS IS SHAMEFUL AND DISGUSTING. DONT DO IT. THIS IS WHY MEN DONT LIKE YOU HAHAHAHAHA.

just be ALONE. DONT TAKE DICKS. DONT DATE. DONT DATE OR FOOK for at LEAST a YEAR. then I would have a LOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT more respect for women. i dont want to date or fook women while IM getting over a previous woman. why do YOU have to FOOK men while you are getting over your previous man, ya dumb wh0re?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I accept being single and celibate for TWO YEARS!!!!! however long it takes to TRULY get over the person!

btiches on reddit think everything is abuse, and women not crazy enough to use reddit need to be abused in order to make them stay with you! you cant win! hahahaha.

basically i am wndering if reading /r/relships is TOXIC to me because its so toxic with stupid crazy women with their stupid crazy opinions.

well, the opinions themselves can actually be good: “why dont you try communicating with her like a grown adult and clearly addressing the issue.”  women SAYING this. but i’m pretty sure this doesnt really WORK with women, so if you DO it, youre screwed.

i dunno. maybe it does work with some women.

but i hate how women get a pass to be immature, and oh she cant communicate because shes ONLY 25 and shes ONLY been wth 20 guys and had 5 serious boifrans. you need to be 30 years old, been with 50 guys, and had 10 serious bfs before you know how to communicate like an adult.

NO YOU DONT!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

25 year old slut hates 28 virgin male, wants to dump him for being awkward with secs. women HATE male virgins. just tell bitches that you dont even know how many bitches youve banged. you lost count at 50 or 60.

dump him because hes a virgin and hes never watched porn. what a fooking bitch. critiquing every little thing he does. disgusting. she has NO respect for him whatsoever and thinks its ok to demonstrate that publicly. holy shit. he should dump the fook out of her.

she was so shocked and offended that he was NERVOUS and AWKWARD with secs and was awkawrd about putting on a con-dom. sheeeeit IM NOT A VIRGIN (hehehehe) and I would STILL be nervous and awkward about this because i havent had secs with a woman in 12 years. i think even if its only been 2 or 3 years you will still be awakwrd.

she is obviously WAY too comfortable with casual secs and he needs to get with less of a god damn whore. why doesnt he get with a nice mormon girl, it sounds like he is a mormon, and the OP is WAY too sex positive. sex positive is BAD. negative.

one good commenter says she is showing a huge lack of empathy for him. i agree. women have no empathy for men. men generally have more empathy than women. everything women can do, men can do better, include raise children, and except actually getting preggers and making babies. artificial wombs and sexbots and mgtow all the way hahahahaha we just dont NEED women for ANYTHING!@!!!!!!!!

this successful, decent, well-adjusted, good husband and father material virgin man DEFINITELY deserves a better woman for his First Lover, than this obnoxious slut. so sad. he is a succesful attorney making a lot of money and she STILL doesnt respect him because hes a virgin and puts on a condom weird. RUN from this skank.

if youre polyamorous (woman of course) and calling this poor guy your “side piece”, that is incredibly dehumanizing and disrespectful. “side piece” means some piece of trash that you are cheating with. you just can reappropriate that term because you are a poly slut. god damn i hate poly people hehehehe especially the women.

yeah i really gotta stop reading it. the women there are so bad. they are turning me into a woman hater. the WORST women gravitate to reddit. definitely getting a skewed sample there. and 80% of the people THERE are women. the worlds worst women. they’re not sending their best. so, i gotta find a place with more MEN, and where more of the women are decent.

i am getting a negative view of women by reading REDDIT.

also it doesnt help that WOMEN are more likely than MEN to be interested in and talk about relships. and its kinda weird for me, as a man, to be obsessed with the topic. men should have manly interests.

well i dont apologize for being interested in relships. suck muh dick.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/571382-haven-t-dated-decade-28-virgin-consdering-suicide

hehehehheeh going to loveshack. i HOPE they have better women, and more men.

its OK if things run their course. its OK if they fall out of love and dont want to work on the Dead Shark any more. but treat that damn dead shark with some dignity and try to minimise their pain when you leave.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/597124-do-all-dumpers-come-back-eventually-feel-regret

i was at church and saw a white family i had never seen before with 3 beautiful white teenage girls and i thought O MUH LAWD. one girl was was wearing a large ugly sweater which covered her tiny bottom, and she had her long hair done in two braids like some fookin aryan goddess in the wheat field. she was so qt and adorable i couldnt even think secsual thoughts. well, i COULD, but they were Couched in protective, loving feels. sort of like how a good father loves his daughter. and this is what women cant udnerstand about how men luv women. they think men just want to pump and dump women. WRONG. just the men THEY have been with. but at least half of men have good will and have this BEAUTIFUL love for a woman, KIND of like a father loves his daughter, but there is also a secsual component there.

maybe MEN dont understand the way WOMEN luv men?

well i think ideally we come back to the father daughter comparison. just like a good daughter is always loyal and loving to her father, same with the wife to her husband.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/310401-why-dumpers-eventually-want-reconcile-why-dumpees-eventually-don-t

unrelated hehehehe

well if she came “crawling back” to me, i would absolutely take her back, if she had been with less than 5 guys in the meantime, and didnt have any kids. those things would give me pause.

IF MEN HAD AS MANY FEMALE FRIENDS AS WOMEN HAD MALE FRIENDS, WOMEN WOULD BE EVEN MORE JEALOUS THAN MEN.

let that sink in, WOMEN hehehehehe.

and men, for that matter. if men had that many women friends, women would be INSECURE AF. even more than they accuse the men of being.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/421931-when-if-ever-does-dumper-truly-miss-dumpee-why

also i want to use MJ just because i think it would help me continue to get over her. i mean its just gonna take TIME (1.5 to 2 years) and that is kinda like chronic pain that you just have to suffer through for 2 years, which is long time. and MJ helps take the edge off of chronic longterm pain. and helps you sleep. helps pass the time.

http://evalion.org/

i guess i am sorta glad to see evalion back in action, but i just really want her to not do degenerate shit in her personal life, like take noodz and attention whore for orbiters. but i agree she is a fairly effective voice for pro-whites. im not going to CUCK for her as some perfect aryan princess though. i mean she’d really have to make a serious EFFORT if she wanted to convince me to be her man hahahaha.

 

yeah i mean i dont really trust HER because shes a WOMAN and i dont trust or like women, but i do generally like her content and i believe she is sincere until shes not hahahaha. i mean maybe she can help turn other women. but do women really listen to women more than men? are women really GOOD at anything other than making babies? well, they are good at getting attention, thats for sure. which, in evalions case, means getting shut down quickly. which is wrong. she shouldnt be shut down.

i guess my concern is, are all the new people she is reaching, will they be around in 1 or 2 years, or will they listen to anything any qt gurl says???

thing is, theres plenty of qt leftist gurls making videos about why being an antiwhite is kewl…..right?

also i think pathetic virgin guys are probably sick and tired of feminists and that could be their gateway to the right. they wont beleive feminism even if a qt young gurl says it. so when a qt young gurl talks abotu anti feminism and pro white ring wing stuff, they get into it.

we need more strong, successful, powerful men in the alt right. 25 year old men who are doing well in their careers, making 100 grand, just decent boyscout eagle scout white men who are prob politically moderate or apolitical, and are just boyscouts making good money, get them to start to care about their whiteness.  we dont need losers and neets who watch girls on youtube. we dont need people like me hahahahaha.

i mean for 50 years the pro white right has has no shortage of misfits and weirdos and creeps and felons and neets and just total fookin losers. drunks and druggies who get 1488 swastikas tattooed on their face. people who think effective political action is getting drunk and doing lone wolf attacks against nonwhites.

we NEED successful, respected people. managers and successful, respected white men with good careers, wives, and children. something i would LOVE to be but probably never will.

this is why i dont go to real life alt right meetups, this is why i dont actively search for women. because i realize my lack of value as a huge loser in life with nothing to bring to the table for real people hahahahaha.

like when i became friends with that woman, and later fell in luv with her, i was not on okcupid looking for women to date. i knew my mate value was so low that i had no chance. i had voluntarily taken myself off the market and was not even trying. it sucked that i even knew a woman i could possibly get feelings for. well at least now i dont have that problem. and my mate value is even LOWER than it was then, hehehehehe. making 10 dollars an hour at a part time job. i knew i couldnt get a woman with that! well now i make 0 dollars at 0 hours a week! at least then i had a job I had stayed at for 5 years without going crazy at all! i was in NO danger of Panicquitting that job! i was just coasting along and then one day i met HER. if i had never met HER i never would have become friends with her, would have never gotten that new terrible job, would have never gotten feelings for her, would have never gone crazy, and would have never hit muh Lowest Point Ever. I probably would have still be Coasting at that awesome, but unresepectable, job.

that would have been shameful but not nearly as shameful and pathetic as what I am in now.

also when you have a female friend its a LOT easier to not be a woman hater. because you can always look to your female friend and be like SEE? nothing wrong with HER, and we get along just fine. not all women are horrible. not all women want nothing to do with me. i am a normie man and am capable of getting along with women. it kind of “anchors” you. and without that, you can go off the deep end! and that is where i am right now.

so yeah basically when i get hateful or annoyed at women, like That Woman or these awful reddit women, I just need to:

  1. think of this one real life woman I know who I am really only minor acquaintances with but she is a good person and not a whore
  2. think of ANN COULTER, who might be the best real life woman ever.

yeah i know “St Anne” is a dirty mudshark and degenerate and only crazy women are POLITICAL and she is grossly anorexic…..but it is hard as a right wing person not to like her. i like to think if i were dating her she would dump me in a mature manner, hehehehe.

she would say, im sorry, but i just cant commit to you right now, i dont want to put in the effort, i cant do it, im sorry to disappoint you, youre a good person and you’ll find somebody who is able to give you what you deserve, but it aint me, im sorry. i totally understand if you block me and go no contact because im mature enough to understand that its hard to be just friends when you get dumped, and i am trying to be a good dumper here and appreciate your pain as the dumpee. sincerely, st anorexic anne the mudshark hahahahaha.

no i give a pass to ann to be political, to be a mudshark, to not have children, to be a catlady, because her content is SO GOOD hahahaha. i bet she is Joo-wise too, she has come close to saying some joo-wise things. which is REALLY impressive given her stature. i luv ann.

anxiety might be my bigger problem than despair, i think constant anxiety is the root cause of the despair because the anxiety kept me from doing anything: jobs, women, taking chances and risks, taking action.

well i do go to as many interviews as i can. its not like i skip the interviews………….which many people with anxiety DO!!!!!!

i just cant get the job and i am constantly anxious over Whats Gonna Happen on the job. but I am actually fairly confident I CAN eventually get a shitty anxiety provoking job after going through like 30 interviews.

 

JUST BECAUSE SOMETHING MAKES SENSE DOESNT MEAN IT DOESNT SUCK DONKEY D1CK

aug 5

yeah so the idea of creativity and design and human centered and innovation bla bla it all sounds REALLY good, its some GREAT bullshit. i mean nobody, left or right, white or jooish, can deny that Creativity is a Good Thing. and it’s fun and confidence building and healthy to BE creative. any cynic who bitches about how creativity is bullshit is just butthurt that they aren’t creative. i do that alot. bitch about x because im butthurt about not being x. its degenerate and wicked and jooish, etc.

cant really do that about creativity. shit I would LIKE to be more creative. I used to be more creative before muh emotional issues really put the kibosh on that. being creative means you can think your way out of problems and hopefully act on them. and really fix the problems.

i was creative this morning. usually i make weak coffee with 4 scoops. when i was at the creativity office, they had some pretty good coffee, but since normie coffee is too strong for me, i have to dilute it with water. So i thought, well why dont I just make stronger coffee at home, then add water to it, that way i dont have to make 2 pots of coffee a day. just make 1 pot of stronger coffee and add water to it AFTER making making it, when i am pouring muhself a cup. mix it with some water then.

see how SIMPLE that is? yet I didnt think of it until I was 35 years old hahahaha. because muh creativity is THAT weakened. its hard to think of solutions when you are anxious and despairing. this impairs your judgement and give you BRAIN FOG. you cling to any kind of safety or security or certainty you can find, because youre tired and weak from being confused and uncertain and HELPLESS.

when you are DROWNING, you dont have the LUXURY of being creative. you just want a damn life raft or something that FLOATS that you can GRAB ONTO and hold on for dear life. thats as creative as you can be.

but im not REALLY drowning! thats ALL IN MY MIND!

own worst enemy, imaginary prison, afraid of freedom, fear is the mindkiller etc

but yeah it is very hard to break those Psychic Chains hahahaha. Correct the Cognitive Distortions.

anyway a year later after the shit with the woman its easier to put it in perspective and not hate her so much, and not blame myself so much, which is HUGE. i thought i did something HORRIBLE which caused her to HATE me.

in fact she probably didnt hate me, and the simplest solution is the best one: she was just scared and confused and overwhelmed, fight or flight kicked in, I wanted to fight, and she wanted to flight. so she ran away. I have run away from situations before, not because they did me wrong or I hated them per se. I ran away because I was scared and panicking because I felt I JUST COULDNT HANDLE IT!!!!!!!!!! I JUST CANT HANDLE THIS!!!!!!!! so you run away. and thats the ALL the explanation there really IS. get scared, run away. and then you cant really approach the person to convince them theres nothing to be scared of. becuase they keep running away. nothing you can do but let them run away. which i ultimately did. the end.

theres ignoring, THEN theres “actively” avoiding, THEN theres running away. we gradually escalated through all three stages there.

im not sure a manipulative niceguy would have driven that escalation like I did! I NEEDED A RESOLUTION! I wasnt WAITING TO POUNCE!

so yeah its important to personally believe i wasnt the bad guy, i wasnt the niceguy fake friend manipulator. it was just unfortuante and sad situation where we couldnt resolve our problems and she ran away from them because she was too scared to DEAL with them.

which is understandable! sheeeeeeeeeit I feel EVERY DAY like I cant DEAL WITH LIFE itself! I’ve done plenty of running away myself!

its like in dreams where you are just running and running away from some sort of monster.

well maybe she didnt think I was a monster, but she certainly found the situation monstrous and terrifying. ok I totally get that.

so yeah it is starting to make a lot more sense, and that gives me real closure. it sucks total donkey dick, but it makes sense. but it still sucks!

JUST BECAUSE SOMETHING MAKES SENSE DOESNT MEAN IT DOESNT SUCK DONKEY DICK!

see THESE are healthy thoughts, this is how a normie thinks, how a confident winner normie nonvrigin nonneet DEALS WITH problems in their life.  by taking a HEALTHY perspective on them.

wow i guess that means i am having a good day today. well thank GOD hahahaha.

im not even that upset about not getting that great job. I still feel sorta confident from even just having the interview and being one of 4 finalists. out of 100 applicants!

well I would have expected more applicants frankly. at least 200.

https://upfrommorallylazyloserness.wordpress.com/2016/08/05/6235/

this post shows some early hints of Rational Thinking way back in january 2016 when I wrote it. so not even 6 months out, I was getting some good perspective on it. of course i certainly wasnt fully healed, i still am not, and then i was MUCH more lazy on muh job search. i was still running away from that.

yeahi mean shit its like forrest gump running away kind of. he wanted to run back to the safety of home….but when he was an older man, that didnt even do it for him. so he just kept running and running  and running until he was tired of running. that manipulative joo movie portrays it very nicely, in some ways, that movie is very very good and of course I identify with forrest more than most people. kinda like a big naive child who doesnt really fit in. and falls in luv with the worst women ever hahahahaha.

I would have gotten along with forrest well I think and probably been a good friend to him hehehe. and i wouldnt die early like bubba and i wouldnt be all bipolar like lt dan. well, maybe i would hahahaha.

really lt dan should have stayed alongside forrest after their shrimp company blew up, and lt dan should have played a big role in keeping forrest away from that horrible skank jennay. i dont think jennay was an evil bad person, but she was just a totally ruined woman who was POISON to everyone around her. its sad really. and really its better for you to stay far far away from these Toxic, Poisonous people. They need to help themselves first. Jennay should have gone to a goy shrink when she was very young, before she turned into a drug whore always running away and breaking forrests heart 9000000 times. she did not deserve a good man like him.

at least thats what i get out of the movie, and i appreciate the movie for showing such a tragic, poisonous woman…..but i’m not sure thats what i was supposed to get out of it hahahahaha. and this just proves i am an unregenerate woman hater hahahaha.

SO BE IT. I HATE WOMEN. SO WHAT. DEAL WITH IT.

the two WOMEN I interviewed with yesterday didnt think i was a WOMAN HATER. or the Woman Manager I Initiated a Conversation with at the Creative Idea Design Space. They were nice to me and I was nice to them.

i HATE not having the “luxury” to CALL SOMEBODY BACK. shit give me 15 minutes, I will look into this, and CALL YOU BACK. we couldnt really do that at the job. you had to get permission to call somebody back. which wouldnt be given because there were Calls In Queue. so you had to do EVERYTHING with the caller on HOLD. put the caller on hold for 5 minutes just to ask for permission to call them back, and get rejected, then tell the caller you just wasted 5 minutes with them on hold hahahahaha.

yet another reason why i do not want to go back to a damn call center. they are able to get “LEAN” so that there is no downtime, so that there ALWAYS IS callers in queue, because if there is not a lot of calls, they can just send people home like they do at a restaurant.

not all places send people home when it gets slow!

but you gotta have a degree from cornell loaded with prestigious internships to get one of those jobs, hahahaha.

my school was not as prestigious as CORNELL or STANFORD. but it was definitely within shouting distance. a lot of our people went to Grad School at cornell or stanford or places like that.

but not me! I went on to struggle to make more than 10k a year for the next 11 years after college! with no cuddles hahahaha

heh damn recruiter called, said they found my resume on careerbuilder, i lied and said i found a new position, then went right to careerbuilder and saw all my shit was private.

they probable saved my info in their system back when my shit was not private. hmm. im surprised they remember people like that, in the sense of creating and maintaining their own pool, rather than saying fook all these people, let’s just go right back to careerbuilder and get NEW resumes!

maybe that means i was in a “high value” pool that they wanted to contact several times? be persistent with this guy becuase he’s good? hehehehehe. see that is the RIGHT way to interpret this uncertainty.

pick up tailored suit from arabs today, they were super expensive, wont go back. they have great reviews tho.

AGAIN! THAT KID IS ON THE ESCALATOR AGAIN!

The INFAMOUS job that got 1000 applicants in 3 days for the entry level college student 13 DAH job, is being posted AGAIN about 2 or 3 weeks later!

HOW COULD NOT ONE OF THOSE THOUSAND PEOPLE BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR THIS JOB???

SOMETHING WEIRD IS GOING ON HERE.

Shit yeah I will apply for it AGAIN, and count it towards my numbers again.

NO company should EVER hire from the outside for ANYTHING but an entry level position.  I can’t get creative enough to think of a GOOD reason, without sounding like total jooish bullshit.

hire a manager from another company while you have EXCELLENT level 1 people who would LOVED to be promoted AND who do GREAT work and KNOW their shit.

or the alternative is, you give them more responsibility and more work to make them FEEL like they’ve been promoted, maybe even gie you a fancier job title if you’re really lucky, but NO increase in pay. NONE.

so you are doing MORE for the SAME.

i mean shit yeah it makes SENSE, this all makes SENSE. the way it makes SENSE for a parasite to suck its host dry when there is an OVERSUPPLY OF HOSTS!!!!!! they can kill their host and it doesnt kill THEM (see the scorpion and the frog fable) because there is always another host!

THE SCORPION ALWAYS HAS ANOTHER FROG TO JUMP TO!!!!!!

which, of course completely Subverts and Ruins the MORAL of the fable. well, Subverting and ruining morals is what they do best isnt it?

anyway the idea is that by following its predatory nature, the scorpion “accidentally” kills the frog who is carrying it to safety, therefore killing himself.

YOUVE KILLED US, YOU ARROGANT ASS!!!!.wav

but in reality, the scorpion never has to face consequences for its actions because there’s another frog it can jump to once the previous frog dies. i guess women are like this too. they get away with it because they CAN get away with it and there will NEVER be a shortage of people who LET them get away with it.

women: the joos of the human race hahahaha. the joos of the genders hahaha.

i am now approaching andrew anglin level hatred of da joos hahahaha.

so if mill woes was the man of the year 2015, then the goys of TRS in general are the men of the year 2016. for sure. for sure. jim, sheeitlawd, ryan nation of one, seventh son, natt, otto, sam, k1ke enoch, all the great guys on the forum, and the podcasts i dont listen to, lets throw in andre anglin and weev too, they are great.

there are two kinds of mgtows: those that turn back once they reach Race Realism, and those that go boldly into that world. guess which one i am hahahaha.

in other words, eventually ALL mgtows reach the race question. its an inevitable, logical conclusion. and i dont think its logical to turn back. to say oh no i just want to engineer robot waifus, but being a racist is just dumb and ridiculous and bad. COME ON.

i think it gives a very healthy perspective for mgtows women hate. like you accept how ridiculous women are, and now you have the courage to actually DEAL with them, rather than AVOID them like mgtows. courage vs cowardice.

now i am a coward but im glad I chose the path of courage at least hahahaha.

picked up my newly tailor gray suit. i guess you could call it a dark gray as opposed to a Medium Average Gray. oh well. sill looks good and it doesnt look BLACK. I wanted to stay away from BLACK because NOBODY wears black suits and it just looks WEIRD. you are either a gangster, the blues brothers, or an orthodox j00, or amish, an orthodox russian. i mean some of these things are not bad……but none of them are NORMIE. they do not inspire confidence in the unconfident. you have to already be confident to pull off that weirdness. otherwise people will just think youre a weirdo, and it DOES matter what other people want, because you are always trying to GET something from them. SELL shit to them. they are your CUSTOMER. employers and women. and actual customers for that matter.

but yeah i absolutely have to apply to 4 better 5 jobs today, i have been “off” the past few days. i mean i have been busy doing stuff. doing this 2 day study, having 2 interviews, hey thats plenty hehehehe. also i have been more inspired in writing and thinking positively, so i want to capitalize on that.

although i did have a brief fantasy about degenerately banging the attractive “milf” type women I saw at the research study. basically just imagining them being very degenerate and slutty, why wouldnt a milf be, obviously theyre damaged goods, so then i respond in kind by having very ruff secs with them. i mean these are the types of women who like to be choked and slapped during secs and just treated like GARBAGE. NOT the type of woman you marry EVER.

unfortuantely that led to me having very degenerate thoughts about them! not the tender luving secs you have with your tender luving waifu!

which is easier to think of the nondegen stuff when you view the woman as being YOUNG AND nondegen herself. a young fair maiden. rather than some worn out old skank with plenty of obvious miles on the engine.

dont give your most valuable resource away for FREE!!!

it MATTERS!!!! stop pretending like it doesnt!! and women FALL for this RUSE completely! and its so shameful and disgusting!

and the woman i wanted to spend the rest of muh life with and have 3 white children with, would rather give up her white womb EASILY to packs of wild ingras than even LISTEN to me say please be nicer to me, did I ever mean anything to you.

guy on TRSF recommends doing a “3 day water fast” basically meaning, dont eat anything for 3 days, but you can drink water. he claims it resets your system, like rebooting your whole body, you can quickly lose some extra weight, wel, you might lose some muscle too so maybe dont do it if you are BULKING hahahaha.

supposedly the first 2 days are hard but the third day is easy and where you will notice the benefits. you wont even WANT to eat your favorite foods.

and hopefully when you end the fast, you will be reprogrammed to not want to eat as much.

he recommends doing a 3 day fast once every 3 months.

http://www.gq.com/story/six-day-water-fast-diet

http://jamesclear.com/the-beginners-guide-to-intermittent-fasting

i guess i kind of already DO intermittent fasting, ie doing all your eating for the day within an 8 hour window.

http://www.nateliason.com/5-day-water-fast-health-benefits/

water fasting.

sheeeeit wanted to play some cards finally, and nobody in there.

when good men go crazy or freak out or quit things or snap or disappear…………………….

there’s usually a woman behind it all. some bitch breaking his heart. and then he goes off the deep end. his heart and his luv were a lot more pure and good than her uterus and her heart.

maybe i should impregnate nonwhites but not take of the mixed race kids, so as to “ruin” their genetic line and to essentially make them more white hahahahaha. but what are the chances they will mate with whites to have whiter kids? also…..well basically this mixed bastard would ideally be a woman, who is herself impregnated by white men. but what if its a mixed man? do I want him mixing with a white woman to create a whiter child than him?

theres no easy solution when trying to “breed out” a certain race by diluting it with whiteness hehehe.

you basically need to genocide the males and turn the females into brood mares for whites. then repeat the cycle until the people are 92% white.

this is SO MUCH WORK. It would be easier just to Send All Nonwhites Back. A lot easier and more efficient and quicker and less autistic ahaha.

but a key lesson is, males can get away with race mixing, women can’t. exactly because women are more reproductively VALUABLE.

i mean ok. it kinda made sense in times of war and imperial conquest. like white men conquering african nations and making mixed bastards. but its not a good long term strategy for whites to live there i guess. i mean in the end you just get brazil. how what is brazil. i mean the whitest whites segregate themselves….and i cant blame them!!!!!

moral of the story, just dont race mix. men or women. no good can come of it. its interesting to think of how you could “whiten” nonwhites with strategic breeding but……i dunno its just not a good roi in the long run. too resource intensive.

bbbbbut not if you just exterminate all the mixed MALE fetuses, and the white men who breed with the mixed women don’t waste any of their RESOURCES on these women. but then who takes care of the women? the state I guess. then you have this whole slave caste essentially.

but they get released out of slavery once they are 92% white. and one day the slavery ends.

but i think that “LEGACY” of slavery would be with them just like with the blacks today.

especially for the first generation of children to be Born Free, ie above 92% or whatever. they only have memories of their mother being a brood slave. yeah but they dont even KNOW their mother. they could be put up into ADOPTION with a white family and then never told about their history. that might work hahahaha.

AYO HOL UP so youre tellin me there are qt white girls from carribean islands like the cayman islands, bahamas, bermuda, etc? I thought they were all black. (watching olympic intro ceremony with all the countries proceeding in. kinda interesting.)

are these all athletes? i mean there are qt gurls for the majority of countries, even not the whitest of countries. like cayman islands, or chile, or kazakstan. like kazakstan, most people look like finngolians, but a few people look whitish! i mean shit. cryprus has some qts, even colombia.

aug 6

really the breeding whiteness into nonwhites idea is SO AUTISTIC. the easiest and best solution is simply sterilize nonwhites. there would be no camps, no ovens. just sterlize them or send them back, even give them money when you send them back.  that would be tax dollars well spent.

ok what if i found the perfect woman, but she was 50% nonwhite. SOME of these gurls can be really qt. and still look pretty white. but keep in mind barry is half white and he looks black and you dont even remember hes half white.

well, i am not talking about the 50% black mixes hahaha. maybe like asian or indian or something. yeah but their mother is a race traitor! unless its an asian. then their father is a race traitor beta cuck with yellow fever.

ok gotta apply for more jobs, been falling behind there.

ok gonna try a 20 hour fast today. i guess its not too unusual for me to to a 16 hour intermittent fast. so lets try 20 hours today. because i am a bit over. essentially need to skip one or two meals. come on. how hard is that.

ideally i would like to lose 10 more pounds but at this point, it is harder than ever.

i mean i dont really NEED to because i am at a healthy weight now. which so many fat bastards are unable to say.

i just think of the last time we talked and she was so awkward and distant and was like YOU SHOULD KNOW that this is over, just STAY AWAY FROM ME, I dont want anything to do with you. without actually saying that.

where i was more like, yeah were having issues, but we have been friends for almost 3 years, you cant just ASSUME this is over and even more you cant ASSUME that I should feel the exact same way, and that I’m the bad guy for not immediately accepting, welp, this is dead and over and Im simply never going to talk to you again. Thats fine. No Problem. Done and Done.

Ok so women CAN be mature and rational and reasonable…….but at TIMES when the emotions and the hormones hit, they turn IMMEDIATELY back into 13 year old girls. IDIOTS. and thats when you need to be careful. at that point they become very destructive. ticking time bombs. and then they cant be trusted whatsoever and can do very bad things. and in this window of time, the female ceo can wreck their company, while they are having this tasmanian devil tantrum.

you basically need to strap them down in a rubber room with a straitjacket until the fever passes.

i wish this emotional fever wasnt SO powerful and SO destructive!!!! It’s almost as destructive as the power of the womb is life-giving. and on the other side, this emotional fever is like an atomic bomb, dstroyer of worlds, i am become death, kali.

Although I have no working experience in blabla system, I would take the initiative to learn the system as quickly as possible by training myself in my personal time.

this is my new favorite response to that question hahahaha. I have taken to writing that on my applications for 27k entry level clerk jobs where they ask if you have experience in blabla program.

Train YOURSELF in your PERSONAL time.

Dont train yourself on THEIR time.

Dont ask THEM to train you on their time OR on your time.

but you can MAYBE pay somebody 20 dollars an hour to train you on your free time.

or pay somebody to let you watch them at work before and after your shift. pay them for giving you the service of letting you watch them.

that idea that were DONE, and you should KNOW it, even though I havent really told you whether i want us to be DONE or if i am willing to work on it, like you have expressed to me that you want to work on it. you should know that I dont. now get out of here and if you dont understand all this, youre a crazy sociopath.

Really I had no way of knowing did she want to work on this, or did she want out entirely.

Well she wasnt showing any action towards working on it, so I guess I should have interpreted it as she wanted out entirely. so i was the bad guy for not liking that and for pushing her to work on it and not just sitting by and accepting this with a smile saying THATS FINE.

i mean yeah yeah “i respect her decision” but at least try to be polite and clear with me about what your decision is.

wow the finland team is the whitest so far as far as being filled with beautiful white people, so far, well alongside denmark and slovakia. but damn those beautiful finns dont look anything like mongols!

but yeah you see how the majority of the WORLD are nasty negers and shitskins hahahaha.

hmm there was one cute blond girl on georgia. i thought georgia was almost white….but not quite. i mean the men looked like total turks hahahaha. turkroaches.

no i know they are not, georgians are strictly caucasian.

anyway its unfortuante that the qt white gurls are just SLUTTING IT UP with SO MANY GUYS in the olympic village. how many guys does the average olympic gurl add to her number over the average summer olympics? 10 guys? 20? 5? gotta be more than 5. i mean its not like theyre partying EVERY NIGHT. they have to rest before their big competition days.

i dont even know how long the olympics is. 2 weeks? how many days off do they get? 1 week? 7 days. so, assuming 1 new guy per night, 7 new dicks taken during olympics. not bad. well yes, actually its horrible. there is no reason ANY woman should EVER take 7 dicks in her entire LIFE. that’s 14 years worth of dick all in one week. assuming the decent white thing to do is

NEVER TOUCH A DICK UNLESS YOURE PREPARED TO COMMIT TWO YEARS TO IT.

ideally 3 years.

so when a beautiful, in shape white gurl takes 7 dicks in a week, rendering her unmarriageable in one fell swoop, assuming she was ok before, which she probably wasnt!!!

but boy these healthy looking smiling beautiful white gurls dont LOOK like the filthy whores they are!

very frustrating to be generally averaging like 1250 calories a day and not losing any more weight. how low do i have to go?

i mean to do this you have to do to about 1.5 meals a day. to lose weight you can only eat 1.5 meals a day. no snacks. now when i say 1 meal, i mean 1 decent sized honest meal that fills you up. a “big” meal.

people will tell you youre not EATING ENOUGH.

my question is when does FASTING become ANOREXIA. you can FAST for 20 to 30 days.

thinking about taking a VALIUM tonight. just to see what it does. will it be similar to nyquil? if i dont take a valium i will def take a nyquil. its amazing i still have valium LEFT. let alone a LOT of them!

i mean i would prefer just some MJ but thats impossible for me to get since i am antisocial hahahaha.

meanwhile that woman has been smoking tons of MJ the past year, being way more successful than me, and probably being slutty and giving herself away and having TONS OF FUN. while smokin tons of MJ and making TONS of MONEY. come on.

Protip: ANY THOUGHTS ABOUT “THAT WOMAN” ARE UNPRODUCTIVE. COMPLETELY. THERE IS NO POSSIBLE BENEFIT TO HAVING THESE THOUGHTS. THESE ARE THE TYPES OF THOUGHTS I NEED TO PUT INTO THE OVEN. EXTERMINATE THEM.

who CARES about that woman, it doesnt MATTER what and who she does.

WHO CARES, IT DOESNT MATTER.

yeah its just weird seeing the same or a very very similar job with a certain company get posted every 2 or 3 weeks. always an entry level job that sounds right up my alley and right up MANY peoples alley: day shift, hourly pay, not super skilled, less than 50% talking to customers, office assistant, 12-15 an hour. usually get at least 100-200 applicants per day. then they get 500 appplicants, pull the posting, then 3 weeks later, ITS BACK.

WTF IS GOING ON HERE.

yes I KNOW I JUST wrote about this, possibly in this same post, and definitely last post. because I SEE it happening regularly and it is frustrating! don’t reopen the position, throw out the net to get 500 more applicants, just call me in for an interview!

and this isnt the type of job which only 1 out of ever 10000 people can do, some special snowflake. im sure a monkey could do the job.

which makes me think its a FAKE job opening, IE there is no job, i mean maybe there IS a job, but not right NOW. They hire one person every 2 years for the job, but POST it every month and get 500 applications every time. and then select the best one out of 12000 for when they actually want to hire a person hahahaha. no they probably just put them all in the oven and just pick the best out of the most recent batch of 500.

nobody told me this is how Jobs are!

and this place has terrible ratings from employees.

it doesnt sound like they do mass hiring and mass firing…..cuz they havent hired me yet hahahaha.

maybe this is how they create a pool. but really how many people do they need in their pool? 12000?

NO, they just constantly prune the pool to the BEST 100. a better one comes in, then the worst one gets ovened.

do they really have the TIME to do this though?

but how much TIME does it take? an hour a week? they can probably manage THAT.

so thats what they are doing then. developing the strongest pool possible. shit in that case they just throw out my resume every time, because its not as good as the WORST res in the pool. in that case, a good 490 out of 500 of the applications every month get thrown out!

welp guess these losers better go back to online college and get a masters degree then!

for a 13 an hour data entry job.

yes but its full time, days, no weekends! it might even have a 401k with 1% matching, and an expensive ass high deductible health plan!

and you gotta go to CORNELL to get a full time days no weekends job hahahaha.

355 days since i wrote the final email to her. the final contact. 389 days since i last talked to her. 271 days since i last looked at jooish porno filth.

heh. took a valium, then did a 3.6 mile powerwalk, didnt really feel the valium, then came home and took half dose of nyquil, cuz supposedly benzos make everything stronger hehehehe. now i am getting a little tired.

 

HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR HUMAN LIFE AND THE PROCESS THAT CREATES IT

april 27

http://www.relationshiptalk.net/blocked.-no-break-up-no-closure.-silent-treatment.-stonewalling.-853786.html

http://archive.is/Jf0pc

because this site has ….. in its URLS which is NOT a best practice, they should talk to a center of excellence. how do you get hired if you dont KNOW best practices?

well they cant check everything. weve got metrics and deadlines, we cant check everything on all of our candidates. still a god damn computer science grad should know better. i dont think they are hiring shaneequa jankins to build this website. well, maybe they actually ARE. like i say, the incompetence and shoddiness of Business and the Work people do is SHAMEFUL. and frustrating. and mind boggling.

april 28

going to take drug test, i took small #1 and only expelled a portion but hopefully not too much. this shit is so stupid.

like i say its shameful you cant trust the companies you pay for service, to give you good service.

how is this anything new or shocking? its not, but it sucks when its your job to give that service. the customers are rightfully angry, you are flustered and angry, because you want to help them, but you cant figure out how, and your company is very unwilling to give help or permission because you found a way to pull a GOTCHA on the customer. you signed the contract goy.

and telling you work faster. i dont know HOW, but figure out a way to work faster. streamline your workflow. talk to other people on your level. trim the fat. cut corners.

well when i

ok took the drug test, they were very nice and professional and didnt seem to hate their lives or jobs. they probably had husbands and children. the cup i urinated in was very fancy and looks like it cost the US taxpayers a lot of money hahahaha.

I wrote my resignation / quitting / giving up email to the recruiter saying nope sorry cant start at the call center on monday, but as a sign of good will and i’d like to work with you in the future, here’s some inside information on whats going on at my old employer, and heres a list of 30 fooking names of people there, who could very well be interested. Gave them names, linkedins, and some personal emails too. I said PLEASE keep me anonymous/confidential. also said the managers might want to help but might have their hands tied. the Big Boss will very likely be of no help. so maybe try talking to a level 1 and see if they can give you any more names and contacts.

assuming what other peoples jobs will entail because nobody knows how to do their jobs, and I have to know Everything About Everything,

YOU HAVE TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING.

I googled to see if there was any business news about layoffs at the company, and found a facebook page visited by people who work there. a bunch of familiar names. everyone was joking around with each other and trying to be funny. including That Woman. Her profile picture was not discernable. it was fuzzy and blurry and dark and couldnt see her face thank god. and of course i could not click on it. I was not signed into facebook, i have been deactivated for 9 months, remember hahahaha.

still i was not happy to see her Handling Everything Well, laughing and joking.

I was angry and jealous that she was able to WITHSTAND and SURVIVE and the job did not bother her as much, and because of this faces a promising career in help desk bullshit. when I cant even stomach the idea of going to another call center and doing another stupid tech support case. she is strong and i am weak. i was jealous of her for that. why couldnt she help me and give me some of that strength to carry on.

so yeah she will have no problem getting a new job, and would probably not think twice about going to this new call center. she would say yeah it sucks but gotta pay dem bills and go to work. just suck it up and do it. whereas I go crazy and think oh god its gonna push me to my breaking point and im not gonna be able to HANDLE IT!!!!! because that has happened before.

fook its happened to her before. I just wish it happened to her here. or recently hahahaha.

But yeah I included her name and email in my list of people to the recruiter.

and after crafting this email with 30 names, hand picked linkedin links, emails, lots of in depth analysis and thought, i say this is probably confidential, and she replies with a 1 sentence thing saying they already know about this, its not confidential, sorry you can’t make it, please feel free to give us referrals.

I JUST GAVE YOU 30 NAMES!!!!!!!

I met the woman in person and she was nice but I think she is just an idiot on email.

So I sent the email as well to the younger, probably more email savvy recruiter.

so what if you already know about this? who’s on your list of names? I guarantee I got you some new personal email addresses. a thank you would be nice hahaha.

cuz its very possible word has gotten out and the people here know about the recruiter and the recruiter has been talking to them……but its equally possibly that no. people are just keeping stuff like this secret. it was kind of a secret keeping place. and cliques and such. I gave them names that covered ALL cliques. even people I didnt particularly like. people that might be fooking That Woman hahahaha. because nobody there deserves to be DOWNSIZED.

watch they contact HER and tell her I gave them her email hahahahaha. when I blatantly said PLEASE keep me ANONYMOUS.

heh. i just hate thinking of her moving forward with life and me staying STUCK just like i have been STUCK for 12 years hahaha.

and that I was just dead weight and toxic to her, that her life was better with out me.

we all have Toxic People who are best to cut out of our lives. Bad influences that drag you down. you’re better off without them. Or we have at least known people like that at some point in our lives.

its TERRIBLE for your confidence and self esteem, when YOU are one of those people for someone else!

when THEY are a very positive influence in YOUR life, and you are a very NEGATIVE influence on THEIR life!!!!!

and you’re stuck on them, and stuck in life, and they move upward and onward in life! and they cant help you nor do they want to help you. I imagine seeing her again in 5 years and she is making 100 grand a year and i am making 10 grand a year and she is like oh how sad, welp have a good life loser! sorry not sorry! thats what you get for making bad decisions and being a weakling who cant handle work! maybe if you werent such a cowardly pussy!

hahaha well YOURE the one who was cowardly to ME and YOURE the one who fooks deadbeats you fookin whore hahahaha. in an ideal world, I would be making 100 k a year because you cant even spell YOURE right and youre a horrible problem solver in Technology, how the hell did you get promoted to manager.

well im done with all that. i sent them a bunch of names and emails and linkedins, including HERS.

then in 10 years she will look back and remember me as a pathetic sad loser who couldnt cope with life and she is done hanging out with losers, he was an ok guy but DAMN was he a SAD LOSER, sorry not sorry, I just dont need that, i’m a successful winner, dont let anyone bring me down.

rather than remembering me as a good person who was once her good friend and we got along really really well.

which is how I will remember her. damn. a good person and we got along really well and it was really SAD how it all ENDED.

and now she is coping with the place closing very well, very mature, having a positive attitude, joking around with all the coworkers she gets along very well with. i think about how she is doing all the time, and she never thinks about how I am doing hahaha.

i think it upset me just to go to that facebook page which was kind of set up as an unofficial place for employees to bitch about the company, quite rightfully. MIGHT NOT be the best idea to put your name out there so that anyone can see it though! also it wasnt super in depth. there was like less than 5 posts and nothing too harsh or emotional. just people making light jokes like they weren’t losing their jobs.

and i was upset just to see HER NAME there, evidence of her making one insubstantial remark on this page, like you are the best team ever!! smiley.  and i would see her name, her talking, her picture of some dark blurry blob and thank god not her face, and I would get angry that she was still working there, she was doing fine, she was handling adversity well, she was friends with her Team Members, and she doesnt give a FOOK about me, her once good friend that she just walked away from without a word. And that I still cared about her and she couldnt care about me LESS.

I can look at other people’s names that work there, but just seeing her NAME as posting on facebook was very TRIGGERING for me and I wish I hadn’t even seen her NAME. evidence of her out there in april 2016, interacting and socializing and coping and surviving and carrying on like a fookin normie, struggling and winning rather than struggling and LOSING.

EVERYBODY struggles. just some people win that struggle and others lose. bit by bit. you have wins and losses. and at some point one starts to outweigh the other.

basically it is just too much to see evidence of her existing post our big falling out. I still want her. I dont want her enjoying life without me. I want her to be upset about me. In the sense that something of value was lost. I want to MATTER to her even just a LITTLE bit. I want her to think of me like I still think of her.

its gotten better though thank god, after fookin 9.6 months, but seeing her name on facebook is still enough to trigger me.

i wrote a hugeass reply on despairforums, coming back from hiatus there:

http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/112371-30-and-hopelessly-alone/?do=findComment&comment=1280052

QUOTE

Thanks for the update. I have been on hiatus from the forums unfortunately.  I can relate to that feeling, I have long felt alienated and an outsider and a misanthrope etc. Like in Dostoyevesky’s “Notes From Underground,” the famous narrator, “I am a sick man, I am a spiteful man…” etc, haha.  But I also feel like the world is more “sick” than I am, we live in a fallen world and people are no good, etc. Yeah it’s pretty rough!

When I was at my best, I still had pretty extreme and unpopular beliefs, but I also got along with everybody pretty well, was friendly to people and they were friendly to me, and I thought it was kind of funny that they had no idea that I had some pretty far-out political and moral beliefs.  Also, I think that our “far-out” beliefs do have a good kernel of basic common sense to them that nobody would really think is weird, for example: Men and women are different. Different cultures are different. Try to do no harm to others. Try to be an honest, decent person. Treat others as you want to be treated. Try to do the right thing. Don’t be a d1ck to people. Show respect for yourself and others. Don’t lie, cheat, or steal. Don’t use people like objects. Realize that it’s great to be rational and logical, but unfortunately people are irrational quite a lot of the time.  Just very basic, simple, obvious common-sense lessons any reasonable person would agree with. So I try to find common ground with people on things like that.

Unfortunately it can be hard to do that if you are not very social, or have a bad work situation, which unfortunately are not uncommon situations for us despairing introverts, haha. I think if I were working an average job with average people, things would be a lot better. I could enjoy holding my “extreme” beliefs, and also enjoy not feeling like a total outsider, stranger, alien, weirdo, etc. But having an average job with average people is, again, a very tall order. I have not been working for months and that has certainly affected own self-respect and confidence in my ability to do just about anything: talk to people, figure out problems, “act normal”.

I don’t have any advice and I would hate being given unsolicited advice! I am just sharing my experience. I have held pretty unpopular beliefs for a while, and have been at personal high points and low points regardless of those beliefs. At the low points I felt my beliefs were really extreme and alienated me from other people. At the high points I was able to have a better perspective on it all, and find some basic, but important common ground with people, in terms of those Basic Life Lessons I mentioned above. Then I might use our mutual agreement on those issues to start carefully discussing things that might not be so popular. This is what I mean by “hiding your power level.”

Also it can be discouraging to view your own beliefs as being “anti-everything”…..even if that’s kind of what they are. For example, like you I am very anti-SJW, anti-feminism, anti-PC, all that stuff. That’s all fine and I will always be anti those terrible things, haha, but I started use less “anti” language, and saying here’s the things I stand for. Or viewing yourself as a “Neoreactionary” or an “Anarcho-Capitalist” or “Radical Traditionalist” or “Nationalist” or “Alt-Right” or “Alt-Left” or “Hoppean Paleolibertarian” hahaha, or whatever might be a sensible “label” that doesn’t involve the word “anti.” I guess this presumes a comfortability in associating with a label, which once I was not, but now I am. More or less, haha.

For a while I was hardcore MGTOW but ultimately it was just too bleak for me, as I personally could not stomach the “avoid all women” aspect of the most extreme MGTOWs. I simply value women too much and struggled to find an “appropriate” view/perspective on women. Feminism sure wasn’t it, but the most extreme modern MGTOW wasn’t much more hopeful for me. I mean the stuff like artificial wombs and “2D Waifus” and such.

Basically I came to a more traditional view which hardcore Mgtows would definitely call “White Knighting”, but it’s a much better belief system for me to live with. Maybe I am closing my eyes to reality, taking the blue pill, or maybe I am creating my own reality, haha.

Some men have no problem not dealing with women at all whatsoever. So for them, extremist MGTOW makes sense and doesn’t give any inner conflict. For someone like me, though, who would like to get married and have children someday, I needed a belief system that was more in line with my personal desires and goals.

For me, a general transition from Libertarian MRA toward Rightist Nationalist Traditionalist was very useful. This is definitely not a one-size-fits-all approach though!

And since I don’t interact with people every day at a job any more, that increases my sense of isolation and “weirdness.” In other words, I feel like a “weirdo” within myself.

It would probably help to have super close friends that you can talk about these things with, and they can reassure you that you are not weird…..but I’m guessing most of us don’t have those kinds of close friends! It would probably be nice though. I have had close friends at points in my life where there was that sense of “intimacy,” and I remember it as being a very good, supportive thing.  And it kinda sucks to want that kind of connection with somebody but not have it, then sometimes you seem “desperate” in wanting it, and that is even more frustrating, etc etc etc.

Anyway, posting on these forums is a good substitute for that I think.

I have been absent from this forum and also from my “weird, extreme” political forum for a few weeks now as I have intensified my job search exponentially, and that’s been a positive change. Accomplishing more actual tasks, and less time on the forums. The forums are GREAT, but I think it can reach a plateau of usefulness after looking at it too much.

I just sat down and started blasting out resumes and cover letters and applications, making a game out of it, trying to beat my “high score” of how many I could accomplish in one day. Starting off small and working my way up. As I did that every day, I began to get more “Streamlined” in terms of managing my 600000000000 documents, resumes in 20 different places, the most efficient ways of searching indeed.com, most efficient ways to job search basically.

This actually resulted in some “progress” on the job front, which while it hasn’t led to a job yet, did boost my confidence a bit, and makes it seem more hopeful that I am capable of getting a job.

I have noticed that Call Center jobs seem to be relatively easy to get, and often have full-time openings and a wage higher than $10 an hour, haha. A staffing agency basically handed me a Technical Support Call Center job on a silver platter, quite decent money, but…..I would caution that the Call Center environment can be absolutely excruciating and hellish beyond one’s wildest nightmares. My last job was in such a setting and I simply cannot fathom going back to anything remotely like that. I think because the call center is such a universally-loathed environment is why there is such availability of jobs in them.

I would not recommend such a position to any of us on this forum unless at the absolute rock bottom of desperation.

I felt bad turning down a well-paying job that so many people would be very happy to have. But something “smelled fishy” about the company, and I’m just not desperate enough to take a job in a call center, thank God.

Some people actually have better-than-horrible experiences and could testify Not All Call Centers Are Like That. Good for them I say, but I just don’t want to take the chance at this time. The time may come where I am not so privileged, but until then, I will pursue other types of jobs.  Just saying if you get super desperate and want to try something challenging, you could find a “tech support help desk” job easier than other jobs. Some fortunate people are able to turn it into a decent career. It helps if you are very strong and confident emotionally. Unfortunately, I was not.

What I would do is build my Indeed Resume and use that to apply to as many postings on Indeed as I could. I have one Master Resume in a text file which I copy and paste to all my other resumes as needed. The master resume is super long, having everything and anything. I know you are only “supposed” to have a one page resume, but I always send them the Big Resume first. If I get an interview then I will bring them the Long Resume AND a condensed one-page resume. I only had one interview, and it was a very informal interview with a recruiter. I think that was better than a proper interview with a company, less pressure. Another recruiter offered me the high-paying tech support call center job WITHOUT an interview, just looking at my resume. That was part of what I mean that the whole situation was “fishy.” Turns out the company has a terrible reputation and is a revolving door of employees all saying it is the worst place in the world to work.

On the Indeed “Quick Apply” jobs you submit your Indeed resume, and there is a box for a cover letter (optional.) In this box I copy and paste a one-paragraph “statement of interest” where I fill in the company’s name Talent Acquisition Team and play around with business jargon and BS. Stuff about being a motivated self-starter ready to hit the ground running and add value to your team in the Machine Operator position. Include name, phone and email here as well.

Gradually I find ways to improve my resume. So I go back to the Master resume, then copy that back over to my Indeed resume.  Also I began experimenting with LinkedIn. So I copy the Master Resume to Indeed and to LinkedIn.

Of course a lot of jobs aren’t even posted on indeed. Stuff like City, municipal, county jobs, hospital jobs. I make documents and notes and lists of all these places so I don’t forget to check them.  I use sticky notes on the computer desktop, and use Notepad++ for all my Word Processing needs because I prefer working with txt files and then just copy and paste them wherever needed. Also it allows me to have 15 documents open at any given time: master resume, short resume, 1 paragraph cover letter, 3 paragraph cover letter, ongoing job search notes/journal including all the places I’ve applied to, unofficial transcripts, list of references with addresses phones emails, a couple letters of recommendation I’ve been fortunate enough to get, a list of companies and websites NOT on indeed, the biggest employers in the city, the biggest employers in the county, a place to copy my sticky notes when I get too many sticky notes. Basically I need a lot of documents open. One could do the same thing with Word or Notepad or Open Office or whatever you want, I just wanted something to quickly access a lot of different documents easily. I sync all these to my Google Drive so I can access them anywhere if needed.

Also double check if you are able to get any official college transcripts online. I only had unofficial transcripts but then I checked the college websites recently and discovered you could download an official transcript as a PDF, complete with official seal and signed security certificate, so that’s an easy but useful thing to have.

Then I save all emails regarding confirmation of applying to an Applied Jobs Folder. Save all rejection emails to a rejections folder, hahaha. That is definitely frustrating, but I guess it’s better to get a rejection email than absolutely nothing at all.

I have been applying with any staffing or temp agencies in the area I can find. They have made me take some online skills tests.

Sometimes it gets ridiculous. I was invited to take an “assessment test” for a pretty low-paying part time job. There were 30 people in a room on a Saturday morning to take a 100 question multiple choice test that took me almost 2 hours to complete. I have no doubt some people walked out because they thought the test was overkill for the actual job, but IMHO it was better than a call center. I am being invited back for a second round of tests for that one, haha. This is all before even having an interview.

So yeah, it’s funny that I have taken a number of assessment tests online, some in-person assessment tests, several urine drug tests, sent out dozens of resumes, cover letters and applications, and had one actual job offer (call center)……but I haven’t had a single real interview. Except for an informal talk with a recruiter who said they might have a data entry job for me. I am hoping for a call back on that one. Not a call center!!

If I had any courage I would do it old-school style: get a list companies in an x-mile radius and just start CALLING them on the phone. Is the manager available, Are you hiring people right now, Are you accepting resumes, hi my name is bla bla and I am available immediately to hit the ground running and help your team be more profitable, I’d love to talk to you about how I may add value, bla bla. And then just spend all day making phone calls and calling people. Unfortunately, I am very phone-shy and have not tried this. If you have no problem with the phone though, it’s definitely worth a try.

I also went to the thrift store because I wanted to look for a “new” suit coat. I was able to find something pretty good for a low price. Wearing that to my “interview” with the recruiter definitely was a confidence booster, and really confidence is the most important thing to have. Which I don’t, so I have to fake it, so anything that makes it easier to fake it is appreciated.

If you can get a tailored suit from men’s wearhouse or something with perfectly matching coat and pants, that would probably be ideal, but there are workarounds for that, haha. Also I have heard that a plain white dress shirt does better in interviews than a dress shirt with stripes. I think this is probably BS though, haha.

Reading articles on LinkedIn Pulse and TheMuse.com and that kind of stuff can be really good for developing your ability to speak the BS Language of Business and give you powerful words and phrases to use in your resume and cover letters and interviews. After a while it gets so frustrating you have to stop reading though. I don’t recommend taking that stuff too seriously, but I also don’t recommend getting angry about it like I often do! “What kind of people talk and think like this! This is SO STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!” hahahaha.

Finally, I have a “what to say during the interview” file where I write everything I could possibly say in an interview that makes me sound like a winning Team Member. This includes lots of copy pasted stuff from articles on Linkedin and Themuse.

For my quasi-interview with the recruiter, I condensed this 100 page document down to 2 pages so that I could bring it with me to the interview and remember to say it.

Basically my goal is to get a new job and put a terrible, confidence-destroying year behind me, where I kind of had a breakdown, lost the job, got heart broken, felt like a real screw-up and loser.

Of course a job is no cure-all, just like a woman is no cure-all. But I think a decent job, as well as a decent relationship, can go a long way in building one’s self-confidence, and when you are totally devoid of one or both, it can really destroy you confidence. Believe me I know how impossible it is to get either one, I’ve never really had either one!

Anyway it sounded like your previous job was not a healthy environment, just like my previous job was not a healthy environment. In the short to medium term, it’s bad to be out of a job, but in the long term, if we can possibly find a better job, then it will all be worth it.

Of course, I worry “what if I DONT find a better job, and can only hope to find a WORSE job?”

Those are the kind of thoughts I really have to fight.

Anyway I think if you (or I, haha) can find a halfway tolerable new job, in your case not with a stupid d1ckhead manager and in my case not in a horrible stressful call center, that will greatly increase your confidence and you won’t feel like such a “weirdo” for your beliefs, and will find it easier to find basic common ground with people.

Keep us posted!

END DF POST

then a guy responded with a beautiful friends first story and how “the perfect woman had been right there in front of him this whole time. we have been married for 17 wonderful years.”

so I responded with:

DF POST

that is a great story of how you met your wife. I am a huge fan of these “friends first” stories because I think it is a very good way to begin a strong, long-term relationship. An ideal way, for me, at least. Unfortunately, “friends first” also has its pitfalls, such as the “friendzone” or in some cases, bitter and sad heartbreak, haha.

I don’t take the “friendzone” as seriously as some, because to me it’s a non-issue. If I express feelings and they say sorry, let’s just be friends, then I would more than likely work to “peacefully detach” from the person, because IMHO, a real and healthy friendship simply cannot exist when there is such an imbalance of feelings. If I had a female friend who had one-sided feelings for me and I was putting her in the “friendzone”, I would say something like: Yeah, the friendzone is BS, because I know you don’t want to be just friends with me. I appreciate this is a real tough situation for you, and it’s probably best if we spend some time apart.

In other words, I just don’t understand these friendzone situations where one person is pining for months and years…..and the other person is ok with that. I would not want to be on either side of that.

And I have to share my horror story as well! Here, the Friendzone would have been very preferable! I was very close and got along very well with my female friend, just as you did. It took a long time, but I eventually developed feelings for her, and really hoped it would work out, because we knew each other so well, and for a long time, and had a good connection, and knew and trusted and supported each other. Unfortunately, she was horrified or disgusted or just completely overwhelmed that I had feelings for her, and she walked away without a word as I desperately begged her to please talk to me. It was the complete opposite of “let them down gently”, hahaha. It more than broke my heart, it turned my world upside down, and has taken a very long time to even make SOME progress in getting over it all. The fact that we were good friends made the ultimate heartbreak even worse, as did the harsh suddenness of the way it all came crashing down.

I guess this is the risk we all take in making ourselves vulnerable and offering our heart to others, haha. Sometimes you are the bug and sometimes you are the windshield, haha.

But I still love the idea that men and women can be friends and then gradually develop into something more. IMHO, it’s much more beautiful than the “hook-up culture” where people get physical very fast, and go through the motions of a relationship over the short-term, and go through a revolving door of shallow, short-term relationships, never really knowing the other person before getting bored and discarding them. (And in many cases, are rejected before even reaching the point of short-term “dating”!) It is a beautiful thing to build a long-term relationship from a basis of mutual respect and appreciation where you already have a real friendship with the person.

So thank you for sharing a story of success here, just to give some hope that it can happen! So far I have only experienced the very negative side of this, but would very much like to have an experience like yours.

END DF POST

hahahaha.

600 DAYS TO GET OVER IT

821

yeah i think i am starting to move on thank god, over a month later. i mean i am not out of the woods at all. as i say, this is no better than 6% recovery. 6 percent in like 37 days. equals 100 percent in….. draw the two fractions and solve for x….using wolfram alpha to do this fairly quickly…. 617 days????? are you fooking KIDDING me???

almost TWO YEARS? to get over this bullshit?

maybe. the internet agrees, or at least the normal well adjusted normalfags of the internet agree, that Ghosting is a veyr painful way of getting dumped.

i do feel a bit vindicated after reading about that ghosting.

the media writes about it because of charlize theron. i think in THAT case, the Ghosting was Atrocious. she is a grown ass 40 year old woman who should know better; she was dating sean penn for a while in terms of hollywood things, at least 6 months, and ghosting is only acceptable for Perfect Strangers and Less Than 3 Dates; which they were not. So the articles should be slamming charlize for being a huge immature B and treating him with such disrespect.

thats what it all boils down to: you show the person NO RESPECT AT ALL. it HURTS to be DISRESPECTED in such a way, when you are not used to receiving such extreme disrespect from others, especially those who once respected you. it just doesnt add up.

i didn’t ABUSE her. I just pushed her to communicate, because there was an elephant in the room that any mature adult would agree needed to be communicated about.

but i was abusive and toxic because i pushed in the wrong way, or too hard, or in a toxic way. i was communicating wrong about wanting to communicate. jesus christ.

ok redoing that wolfram thing. say i am SEVEN percent Over It, then to get to 100 percent would only be… 529 days. ok little better. you see what a difference 1 percent makes! its at a very quickly changing region of the graph.

6 % ….. 617 days

7 % …. 529 days. uhhh expect to be over it end of december 2016. nice.

8 % …. 463 days

9 %…. 411 days

10%….370 days.

well wait. how do i make it a god damn straight line. i am getting a curved line. i want a straight line. i want to know it takes x days to Get Over It Y percent. consistently.

so, 6 percent in 37 days is approx 1 percent in 6 days. therefore, 100 percent in 600 days.

shit.

well, THAT graph IS curved because each situation represents a different RATE OF CHANGE. what the rate of change DEPENDS on is whether i am at 6 percent or 7 percent etc right now! So that is really an important decision to make!

welp, in that time i could probably start and finish HVAC training skool, although probably not find a job as well hahaha.

i kind of think that is what GOD is calling me to, sort of, and all this is another signal.

hahahaha I wish GOD communicated DIRECTLY using actual words, rather than using stupid SIGNALS like a COWARDLY IMMATURE WOMAN.

hahahahaha.

i have a very adversarial, not very friendly relationship with GOD. I resent his absolutely control over my immortal soul. I wish he were a better GOD hahahaha.

why, because i want to jerk off, and have premarital secs, and use birth control, and permit end of life cancer euthanasia, and have the option of abortion maybe be legal?

well yes because its ALL a slippery slope towards degeneracy, immorality, evil, and damnation! all a slippery slope away from GOD!

http://theden.tv/2015/03/18/confessions-of-an-overeducated-ac-man/

this article and series of articles was very instructive for me recently, cant remember if i posted them here, but they are valuable enough to be posted again and again.

a young man who found college only Set Him Up For Failure, because he naively didnt get a STEM degree, so his story has lots of paralells to mine. so after he graduated and couldnt find a job, he became an HVAC man and makes more than he would in an Entry Level Job with a Useless Degree.

he tells the stories of 3 or 4 of his peers, how they are in a similar boat, and how they are struggling in very sad ways, to become adults, throughout their entire 20s, and will more than likely become manchild failures, terminally underemployed or unemployed, in Toxic Relationships with Shitty Women, at best, and terminally forveralone at worst.

great set of articles. another sign from GOD for me.

top one is the first artcile, talk about his own story. here are the ones where he talks about his friends stories:

http://theden.tv/2015/04/24/observations-of-an-overeducated-ac-man-part-2-of-4/

the mystic, a college dropout loser who got into buddhism in the worst possible way, to become a depressed nihilist loser and completely aimless

http://theden.tv/2015/04/28/observations-of-an-overeducated-ac-man-part-3-of-4/

the gamer, another college dropout who smokes weed all the time and is content doing that and working as a waiter

http://theden.tv/2015/05/01/observations-of-an-overeducated-ac-man-part-4-of-4/

the emt, another college dropout who is probably the most successful of the 3, got emt training, got a steady emt job, got a gurlfran, but the gurlfran sucks and he is still too beta to demand respect and demand a better woman. but at least he is much more gainfully employed than the other two college dropouts.  almost as gainfully employed as the college graduate in a trade skool job hahahaha.

lesson learned, dont go to college, go to trade skool. if you do go to college, do a stem degree, focus on your post graduation JOB ASAP, like RIGHT AWAY, like First Year or earlier, so you can get into it IMMEDIATELY after graduating, and do NOT get sucked into college debauchery or degeneracy.

well, if you’re a man, and you are able to pull Easy College Pvssy, i say go ahead, to build your confidence by banging many young beautiful women.

but that’s risky because you may get your heart broken by Flaky Gurls who just want sex, as happened to several of the guys in these stories.

definitely dont drink and party too much because it will hurt your mind and sidetrack your focus on your Career.

i mean you have to be Career Oriented from DAY ZERO if you are gonna go to college……. which is pushed on 100% of Smart Kids in high school.

great set of stories, related a lot with them, thought about getting in contact with the author, best set of articles ive read all year. read them, save them, print them out and give them to your children, if you can ever be gainfully employed and meet a good enough woman to HAVE children. or god isnt calling you to be a childless ascetic beggar virgin hahahaha.

anyway the slant of the website is pretty rightist and even somewhat racialist, so that makes it a far-right neo-nazi site, which may lessen its credibility to Moderates. but this set of stories doesnt get too much into Race i assure you!

i dont see a problem with talking about Race anyway. this is all part of eric holders brave conversation about race hahahaha. also the news says that RACE is like the number ONE or TWO topic in the presidential campaign. race IS a big deal, elephant in the room.

a less scary way of framing it, for whites afraid to talk or think about race lest they get on the sippery slope to becoming an evil closed minded stupid ignorant racist redneck bigot hater antisemite homophobe, is to think about “multiculturalism” and think about has the Melting Pot Experiment really worked out for the best in the past 60 years or so?

i told you i was a racist hahaha dont you read the about page. but i dont turn nonwhites away. i respect that there are nonwhites who are also depressed anxious lazy losers who need help and moral support. you are more than welcome to get that from me. because of course we are all members of the human race.

besides, race is talked about all the time in college classes. always in a marxist antiwhite way, but just saying. we talk and think about race every damn day, get used to it. im just tired of all the white privilege talk and decided to go a different way. because im white and my white privilege was not enough to lift me out of loserness hahahaha. just like all the other white pro-whites. you find this same inferiority complex among all white pro-whites hahahaha. they are trying to compensate for their own personal failures at life hahahaha.

no thats the argument you always hear. and as someone who is a personal failure, it does hit a nerve! maybe the evil marxists are RIGHT!