SUCCESS = (WEALTH^TOUGHNESS)+EDUCATION

feb 11

w000000t finally lost 40 pounds since i started using myfitnesspal in january 2016. honestly thats a pretty big deal. for a very short man who was not extremely overweight to begin with. if i can do it, anyone can. i mean i cant even function in life, but i can lose a ton of weight.

had to do some more errands today, saturday. got them done before 12 pm. yesterday took total of 1 valium and 2 benedryl and was kinda hoping to sleep until like 12pm at least, but still woke up at 930 am, but very groggy, but strangely couldnt get back to sleep. so got up in the groggy state. went and did errands.

now the next big goal of the day is to go to the FATCLUB for an HOUR at about 330 or 4. use treadmill for 1 hour. burn about 420 cals hehehe.

also got a 5 dollar faded glory shirt at walmart. it looks pretty good, way better than 5 dollars hahahahaha. was worried about walmart on a saturday, but it was somewhat eaerly in the day, and it was kinda busy, and full of blacks and arabs hahahahaha, but still not unbearable, and no waiting at the self-scan.

i am also very nice to the blacks and arabs that WORK there because i know they have the worst jobs next to being coal miners. but i have no mercy for the blacks and arabs who shop there hahahaha esp if they are being obnoxious. how can you be obnoxious when you are simply shopping at the store. dont ask me, ask them, they manage to pull it off. i just get in and get out. very tactical. everything is tactical with me hahahaha.

i would much rather do MJ than go to a damn bar or club to try to meet slutty women. or even just meet new people in general hahahaha. now that second part is a Problem. i should want to meet possibly decent people MORE than i want to do MJ. but meeting new people is inherently stressful and not fun for us anxious types. to make normal nonawkward conversation with strangers is very very difficult and counterproductive. you just end up looking like an unlikable weirdo. of COURSE sitting at home, doing tons of MJ, and listening to music and playing cards is preferable to that.

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/9413-betsy-devos-hitler-in-female-form/page__st__80#entry329805

new mpc thread on betsy devos and education and strivers and kollige hehehehe and the shitty striver managerial class

of course muh swpl colleagues are horrified by devos because shes been picked by the orange cheeto misogynist racist trumpanzee, and “school choice” is just a “dogwhistle” for keeping black kids out of your white schools. give school choice to the hwyte racist kids and give no choice to the poor blacks, keeping them trapped in a cycle of Generational, Institutional Poverty and Powerlessness.

https://www.city-journal.org/html/no-thug-left-behind-14951.html

article referenced in same good thread. (CJ is a decent right wing journal where halfway decent joo (((theodore dalrymple))) did/does a lot of writing) gangs of black thugs roaming the halls of suburban schools for free lunch and internet, and starting huge 50 person melee brawls, while diversity consultants are brought in to train everyone from bus drivers on up as to why diversity is awesome and that you as a hwyte have tons of built in prejudice and privilege.

good news is i went to the fatclub, on hamster wheel for 65 minutes. bad news is now i feel very Gassy and it is rather uncomfortable and cant seem to expel it effectively. still the pros outweigh the cons hahahaha.

well it is gradually coming out thank GOD hahaha.

completely unrelated but a great video from the great weev on why anime and japs are not honorary 4ry4ns. i myself would extend this sentiment to beta phaggots who think asian women are better than “western” women. and i am sure weev would agree. weev is one of muh favorite people and favorite Thinkers. i would luv to meet weev one day but i would settle for a conversation with him which i would of course want to record and share with the world. also nice shot against albanians too hahahahahaha.

YEAH the message is always more important than the messenger…..but the messenger is important TOO. and weev is a very important, very valuable and awesome messenger, and yeah i have some hero worship and fandom for him.

so i will continue to donate to weev and have trust and faith in him. if he had a joo wife…..i think he would be forthcoming about it. i dont think he would ever have a joo wife. he’s probably fooked joo sluts, but thats fine. he’s NOT gonna fall in luv or get married to a joo, he has a god damn huge NOT WELCOME tattoo on his chest!

and theres so many people who claim he IS a joo and or a plant or spy or fed. i mean i guess its possible. i would be very disappointed if that were the case hehehe.

yeah gambling is degenerate but i had a good hand here:

2017-02-11-19_09_15-cardamom-0-02_0-04-no-limit-holdem-replay-14623748

he could have easily beat me with an A. i knew this all too well, it’s happened many times before. but he’s also going nearly all in preflop with AQ unsuited. and here i was worried he had AA hahaha. and thank GOD he didnt get an A in the cards.

heh. i am gonna start listening to all podcasts etc at 1.25 speed hehehehe. really saves time hehehe.

watching 90s SNL, and really bringing back the nostalgia here. when i was a young 12 year old or so and actually watched SNL and thought it was so edgy and funny. well to be fair, when i first discovered SNL, it was mid 90s classic cast: mike myers, dana carvey, phil hartman, adam sandler, chris farley, all those guys. dennis miller, jon lovitz, julia sweeney, kevin nealon, the horrible joo al franken as the fun character stuart smalley. he belongs in the oven but that was a great character. even though he was prob mocking goys. i still like stuart as a character. totally relate.

now the 90s were a terrible nihilistic time…….but so are the 10’s hahahahaha. things seemed nicer and more innocent watching this. i guess it really wasnt. but SNL wasnt as shitty and horrible as it is now.

feb 12

track/tier education sounds good, but wasnt i already a product of that? i was sorted into the top tier, and lets just assume low, medium, and high for simplicity here. i was sorted into the high based on muh high performance in high school, and, tbh, middle school.

but then you can very legitly divide that top tier into 3 tiers. based on where you’re from. flyover middle america trump voting hwytes, lower middle class, working class, even the high achieving kids aren’t gonna get into that top tenth of harvard, ivy league, top univs, top careers in NYC or DC.

HOWEVER, you can still go to State College and become VERY successful in your flyover city as an engineer, accountant, top manager, maybe medical, maybe lawyer.

in other words i think i went to TOO elite of a uni, which gave me a peek into the world of an elite i didnt even know existed. east coast people who want to go to grad school at harvard, in other words. people who work at high, visible levels and get their names in big media outlets. i have seen muh old uni classmates names in the joo york times, i regularly see this one guys name because he is a Full Time Journalist with a pretty big east coast shitlib magazine and writes anti-trump and antihwyte editorials every day. of COURSHE he is a J and I never really knew him, but he was an acquaintance of a friend. I probably saw him at a party.

I wouldnt get this at a less elite uni, wouldnt get this peek, and sometimes i wish i hadnt gotten that peek, and lived in a simpler world, surrounded by people who just wanted to get normie middle class jobs in flyover city, not peopel who wanted to Shape National Discourse in NY and DC.  it was thoroughly confusing and disorienting for a basic hwyte flyover boy in lower middle class who vaguely wanted to strive his way into the regular middle class.

for me i think it would have been better to be a big fish in a small pond, in other words. would have boosted muh confidence which would ahve boosted my performance, when it really mattered.

in other words, gone to a uni which was more like my high school.

there was a great idea in that MPC education thread (srsly read the whole thing) where education Professionals believe  that attainment = home life + education. but that is naive, and its really like attainment = home * education. and home life can be broken down further into (emotional stability) * (parental investment/competence.)

and some would further argue that its (emotional stability)^(parental investment). or maybe the other way around hahahaha. point is, exponential rather than straight multiplication.

of course thats where my ears perk up. because i had GREAT parental support, great upbringing, great family, BUT I was highly emotionally unstable. emo unstable, AND great family, AND great education, and I still turned out a HUGE failure, moreso than people from worse families, who went to worse schools.

so in my mind, personal emo stability, aka normieness, aka the opposite of neet loser neuroticism, is THE single most important thing. so does that mean its the base number or the exponent in an exponential number hahahaha. like 2^60000000000, or 6000000000^2.  i think the former would be bigger. i think hahahaha. YEP its the exponent is much more significant. just compare 2^100 vs 100^2. no question about it.

moral of the story: i should have started going to a shrink when i was like 12 or 13. not 18 (which i didnt, but that would have been a better time), and not….25 or so when i actually did. by then too much fookin damage had already been done, when you should be establishing the course of your life.

so i might never have a wife and children, but i damn sure want to help other hwytes secure the existence of THEIR children.

i want ALL kids to succeed. black kids, white kids, arab kids, brown kids. i am a total white knight for KIDS. they are innocent.

but i ESPECIALLY want HWYTE kids to succeed, and it ESPECIALLY triggers me when they DONT succeed, and those are the people I want to help.

” well whites have white privilege so if they cant succeed despite that, thats definitely on them, they have to be irredeemably fooked up, they are BEYOND help, besides, you shouldnt want to help them, you should WANT to end white privilege and help create EQUALITY for ALL kids. either push whites down, and or bring nonwhite kids UP. ”

is the mentality of EVERYONE in education. well, 99% hehehe.

in that city journal article, there was a great comment, if you can’t do, teach. (i knew that one for years.) if you can’t teach, ADMINISTRATE. i LOL’ed IRL at that one. esp since i recently had a thought that maybe i should think about getting a masters degree in education administration hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

hey shit maybe i would be perfect, because i cant do AND i cant teach hahahaha.

well i think i sorta COULD teach, but i dont want to be in these marxist environments. which would be even worse at the admin level, because your job is to CREATE these marxist environments!!!!!!! fook that!!!!!!

but yeah charter schools. devos. school choice. i wanted to get more informed on all this. because all the cool kids hate devos, hate school choice, hate vouchers, hate charters, because all this is “RACIST.”

so i expected MPC to be all about vouchers and charters but they kind of arent. they are more about getting rid of the DOE altogether and getting rid of things that make schools nonwhite. and establishing a better track/tier system in the schools. uhhhh cant say i disagree with these things either!

someone made the interesting claim that the biggest fans of vouchers are “talented tenth” blacks who have the agency to strive for better and move out of the hood, and also…. lower class whites who want to strive for something better, and they cant afford to live in neighborhoods with hwyte schools, and they cant afford the best private schools, and they sure as hell dont want to put their kids in their local nonwhite infested public schools.

really i think homeschooling is a great solution, and i think MPC would agree with me here…..but its VERY hard for working class people to do this, to survive without the dual income! to have the mother stay home and homeschool the kids!

hehehe also note how shitlibs think homeschooling is the worst thing ever, and is just a DOGWHISTLE for racist fundamentalist christian hwyte parents to BRAINWASH their kids and turn them into little hateful bigots just like them.

watching “driving miss daisy” in the background, seems like a decent movie (i saw it many years ago) but I had no idea that they were JOOISH! ie, miss daisy and dan aykroyd are JOOISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! going to TEMPLE!!!!

i had no idea! i just figured they were supposed to be White Racist Plutocrat Superrich in the prime of ill-gotten Hwyte Privilege from the LEgacy of Slavery in the South. this totally adds an element to the story i was NOT prepared for, PLUS its COMPLETELY unbelievable to even THINK of jessica tandy and dan aykroyd as JOOS, because they are CLEARLY NOT.

i dont even know whos jooing who anymore hahahahaha.

damn i dont remember this movie at ALL. like the jooish aspect is pretty in your face, not a minor thing.

also she is a TEACHER who thinks she is smarter than everyone. INTERESTING. ok what did her husband do to make them so filthy rich. theres a factory there, maybe a clothing or a peach factory hahahaha. lets find out

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Driving_Miss_Daisy

damn this is inconclusive. doesnt say what the husband did to make them so god damn top 1% rich. implies that miss daisy doesnt understand she is a Persecuted Oppressed Minority Victim until the temple is bombed during the Civil Rights movement, probably by KKK terrists hahahaha. i would think that joos have this identity of themselves being jooish from a very young age. i mean the film starts in the 50s but people were already aware of MUH SHOAH by that time.

le sigh. whats better. a movie showing joos act like racist hwyte assholes, or a movie showing hwytes act like racist hwyte assholes.

so whats the point? they act hwyte but ebil hwyte racists dont think they are hwyte???? but really joos are basically hwyte? except when they want to be nonwhite??????

obviously touches on a few of my fav themes. hehehe. i should be watching it with great attention, but dont really want to. would rather be ranting on muh blog.

ok, but there are plenty of upper class (many jooish) kids who are BATSHIT INSANE, borderline and bipolar, and they still become successful, complete graduate degrees at top schools. or at the very least, get ok jobs through their families connections. or go to vacationlike inpatient programs is more like it hahahahaha.

like what about rich kids that get totally fooked up on DRUGS, so fooked up they can’t complete a masters degree hahahaha.

in other words, i am as fooked up as the most fooked up jooish rich kid, and they can still become successful because of their rich background. my background was pretty damn good, prob above average, but it certainly wasnt Rich Upper Class!!!!!!! but it was still Pretty Damn Good!!!!!! but we DEF didn’t have a lot of Family Connections that could get me a 28k job somewhere for the Fooked Up Black Sheep Son who was too mental and neurotic and lazy to handle Grad School hahahahahaha.

so really maybe its success = (normieness^Wealth)*(education)

in other words, my fam was well off but not rich. maybe if they had been RICH, it would have been enough to outweigh my CONSIDERABLE neuroticism.

cuz you know , 2^3 vs 3^2, it’s really not a big difference, and hard to tell which is the exponent and which is the base hehehehe.

and i am WAY more neurotic than muh fam is “wealthy.”

but your family being rich, thats NURTURE, while you being crazy is NATURE. so im saying that NURTURE is stronger than NATURE. which is a pretty SHITLIB, MARXIST, JOOISH thing to think!!!!!!!

so yeah i wouldnt mind studying Rich Kids who became Failures. but they always had a safety net. my fam was not RICH, but they were rich enough for a safety net. which i guess IS pretty rich. privileged hehehehehe.

but whats even more privileged is being able to call someone and get your fookup loser son a job, and my fam was well off enough to give a safety net, but they didnt have that kind of “SOCIAL CAPITAL” at all.

guy on MPC thread on elizabeth warren says that its FALSE that medical bills are the #1 cause of bankruptcy. and that any bankruptcy attorney knows this. which supposedly warren IS or was. heh. so whats with this stuff ive heard from “bankruptcy experts” on what the number one cause of bankruptcy is? if you cant trust the experts on a very big thing they SHOULD know……who can you trust? you cant trust doctors who spent 6000000 dollars to go to medical school? can you trust your wife? your family?  well thankfully i could trust my fam to have good intentions at least, not to mention a safety net, which a lot of people dont have!

i mean there ARE real experts in the world, who DO know more than laymen!!!!

they says its good to be skeptical and question authority, but what if you think all authority is full of shit, lying to you, scamming you? i just dont want to be that paranoid, its really not fun. i like to think SOME people know what they are talking about, and can actually TEACH me something.

heh. i trust the guys on MPC to be fairly smart and wise on many things. probably TRS too but im still taking a temporary break from them, i am pretty much over the thing there. and i am not longer really disappointed with mike. we cant all be like weev and be fully redpilled before we get married. in fact if you marry young, chances are you wont be redpilled. and its better to marry young. except sometimes you might marry a J hahahaha. thing is, i think they were both over 30 though. they werent 20 year old kids getting married.

normieness = TOUGHNESS.

 

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ALT RIGHT VVN 14VV JAYCUE

dec 14

hmmm been more busy with job related stuff that i thought. it is technically easy and almost enjoyable. but also want to impress people and show initiative and show that i am smart and prove myself and KICK ASS.

stayed up too late reading the new BERNARD CHAPIN book MAN GOING HIS OWN WAY

which according to amazon, IS supposed to be 8.5 x 11 inches big.

i mean its not perfect. he’s really not the greatest writer. and i have read BOTH his other books. he always has entertaining stories to tell and strong opinions to share, but i honestly see better WRITING from the posters on TRS or MPC. And Bern is a voracious reader and has a masterz degree, you’d think he’d write a little better. but alot of the stuff reads like a first draft.

NO MATTER. HE IS A GOOD MAN AND DESERVES YOUR SUPPORT.

Like his videos and him talking are a lot better, more engaging, than his writing. So when I read his writing, I always imagine him reading it in his style, which makes it seem better.

tons of juicy stories about his rels with women. and they are not flattering stories. tbh he comes across as an immature dick and thats why these women leave him hahahahahahahah. but they don’t really leave him, he leaves them! or he is such an asshole to them that he intentionally pushes them away! why didnt you just dump the gurl yourself Uncle B? well, he was only 19 or 20 years old so i can forgive him. Also i appreciate the honesty of him admitting to being a jealous monster. I know that feel bro hahahaha. but he was only a jealous monster once in his life, for one woman, for a few months, and then he stopped. never beat anybody up. never abused anybody. in fact he gradually lost interest in HER afterwards and she dumped him and he was HAPPY.

so yeah i cannot identify with ANY of that hahahahaha.

also if i’m reading this correctly, he has banged more women than years he’s been alive. or at least when he was 32, his number was positive. this is his “number” and i thought it was interesting. taken from hockey. forgot what its called. over under, positive negative, plus minus? basically number of gurls you banged minus your age, and hope you get a positive number, but when he was in his 20s, he had a negative number. like i would have over a -30 hahahaha. i thought it was an interesting metric hahahaha. good one bern.

Bern says matt forney was editor/proofreader, actually I think Forney is probably a better WRITER than Chapin, although a lamer GUY hahahaha. Forney is like if Chapin had never banged 30 women hahahaha. No I was reading Forney back when he was IN MALA FIDE. I am OLD FOOKIN SKOOL. I just am concerned that forney and chapin encourage each others worst habits, namely, mgtowism and not wanting a waifu hahaha. chapin has felt the innate spark within to have children so i give him credit for that, that’s what really matters. but he is dead set against a wife, and seems resigned to the fact he prob wont have children. that is too bad. i still want him to impregnate a 20 year old white gurl. MAKE IT HAPPEN.

and forney is a fat sad bastard who drinks too much and bangs nonwhite sluts. i cannot and will not approve.

but i wont crap on forney too much. he makes a living from writing and all that. i would just really like it if he got in shape and committed himself to hardcore, alt right, 1488, WN. submitted to TRS and let them mold him hahahaha.

anyway yeah the book could be better but it could be a lot worse. but i still had tons of questions:

what kind of effort did bernard make in these relships?

why did he just lose interest?

talk more about his relship with his father. his mother. his sister.

talk more about his career, graduate school. for a very very masculine man, he picked a very very feminine field!!! (psychology, school psychology.) but i don’t doubt his masculinity one bit either.

i just think he is honestly a SPERG who has some difficulty socializing. maybe. but yeah i will always feel SOME sort of connection to him because he helped me get where I am now, and I have spent countless hours listening to infernos. i mean he is a really entertaining, fun speaker.

did he ever have EXTREME DOUBTS about himself? bouts of TOTAL DESPAIR? I don’t really think so.

how did he prepare for Grad School? Were his Grad School papers better written than his books?

how is it THAT hard for him to get along with women?

talk more about male friends.

actually i think he DOES talk about SOME of this in “escape from gangsta island” which was a nice long book, I enjoyed that one too. just can’t remember the details.

Bernards a Good Boi Dindu Nuffin, would just like him to come fully over to the 1488 Alt Right and its pretty cringeworthy when he says that NSDAP/AH were total MARXISTS.  hmmmmmm. Marxist Leftists.

He talks about going on JDate in this book and he seems to be aware of J’ish identity. it was a hilarious story. his Alpha Male friend pretty much dared him to go on JDate in return for a cash loan when Bern was broke from going out with 10 women at the same time. Then he was going out with 14 women at the same time. he got so bored, berned out, frustrated, and annoyed, that he said FOOK THIS SHIT and basically RETIRED from women. Modern women are stupid, annoying, intolerable, unlikeable, I’d literally rather be alone. And he has been alone ever since hahahaha. he is definitely a very PRINCIPLED man hahaha. I just wish he had better luck with the women and met some damn DECENT women already. I think it was a mix of his stubbornness and terrible luck that did it. he saw the worst of the worst. really he should have stayed with his first GF, and not dumped her when they were 16 hahahahaha. but he said she was boring, they had nothing to talk about, nothing in common, she was just smokin hot and generally nice to him, so that was good enough for 6 months or so.

i dunno, i never dated a gurl for 6 months with regular banging, so i wouldnt know! maybe you CAN get bored with a person like that!

he is an interesting case. he says he is introverted and awkward, yet he powered through that and did “WORK”, facing his fear and approaching thousands of women, horribly and awkwardly, and was able to bang dozens of apparently awful, immature, horrible, intolerable, childish women who were not relship worthy.

i know a large part of this is him hanging around with yuppies and professionals and SWPLs in chicago.

i dunno. i just feel he was never in the right place at the right time. what if he were young NOW, with a growing alt right. even I am getting too old. thankfully I’m not THAT old. I’m not SO old that I can’t be part of the alt right. i sure wish i were 10 years younger though. better than wishing you were 22 years younger i guess. Bernard was still Slaying Poosay when he was my age hahahaha.  or maybe he had JUST become a proto-MGTOW. remember: he is “SO OLD” that MGTOW was a BRAND NEW thing when he was in his 30’s. sheeeeeit. how can you be 46 and SUPER OLD. it’s NOT super old. but now MGTOW is clearly old, outdated, tried and failed, discarded, moving on to something better. continuous improvement. still guys like me and def bernard have been molded somewhat by mgtow, will always have a mgtow streak in us. i dont think its a BAD thing.

but yeah im not as much like bernard as i thought i guess. i mean i always knew he had a TON of experience with women, but i guess this just proves it. BUT has he ever really been in a SOLID rel for 2 years or longer? I cant say. well i havent gotten to the chapter about his WIFE yet. I guess she was REALLY crazy. he jumps all around. he has barely even MENTIONED his wife yet. knowing his jumpy writing style, he might skip over the wife altogether.

I mean I should really just have a skype meeting or phone call with bernard already, he’d probably be willing.

yeah i cant think of anyone i really want to TALK to tho. I’m perfectly fine reading their books, peoples forum poasts, watching their youtube vidyas, i dont really want to have a CONVERSATION with anyone. except maybe people from TRS, MAYBE. esp local people for real life meetups. there is actually a TRS group in muh city area which I have not contacted them about at all. guess Im not really serious about the 14 words then!

Back a few months ago, i really want to talk to and have a conversation with That Woman. Now I am like meh. its DEFINITELY too late for that. it would no longer be productive. it would just be very frustrating and pointless and stupid and angering for me.

yeah i guess i wouldnt mind talking to varg vikernes. maybe weev. hahahahaha. maybe george foreveralone feels. me and him a really alike, we could have a good talk, we would understand each other. i would tell him the secret to losing weight is simply eating less. you eat 400 calories over the limit and you are still starving hahahaha. hungry all the time for a year. that’s how you lose 20% of your body weight hehehehe.

oooo i was happy about this hand:

2016-12-14-21_23_29-carom-0-01_0-02-no-limit-holdem-replay-13645490

ALWAYS happy to get NUT FLUSH and especially to DOUBLE UP on it. does not happen too often!

but yeah bernard got burned out because he was going on date after date after date with woman after woman after woman and was getting bored with their stories and it sounded like going on damn job interviews. thats no fun. he probably just needed to take a break from Dating, and then he could enjoy women more. but maybe im wrong. i mean he did date women after this!

maybe i just wish bernard would hang out with TRS, WN and alt right 1488 fascists, rather than hanging out with forney, clarey, and aurini. who are not BAD GUYS per se…….. no they are good guys, but i just gotta go with the STRONG HORSE.

not that those guys are “WEAK”….well TRS and the WN alt right are just about as strong as it gets IMHO. If they came over to this side, it would make them stronger too. doors open fellas. well they say clarey is a “technical j00” hahahaha.

AT THE DRIVE IN REUNION? i guess I shouldnt be so surprised. Jeez I should really think about going to this tho. maybe its a total sellout thing without orig members. like the black flag “reunion” hehehehe. jeez i bet it will sell out immediately. if i still knew that woman i would ask her to go and she would reject me and go to the same concert with another guy and then i might go by myself and see her there with him hahahahahaha.

no i dont think she knew of at the drive in. shit i barely know them. i just know they are hugely influential and ahead of their time and broke up too soon and led to the mars volta……but i guess mars volta isnt as huge as they were like 8 years ago eh? they used to be really big with the hip music kids.

heh. i guess this has been going on for a while and they already played in my city in summer 2016 hehehehehehe.

sheeeeit i always end up staying up too late!!!!!!

dec 15

sam hyde speaks frankly about his show being cancelled from adult swim. i have no idea what happened here. was it because sam is an alt right racist hehehehe. i mean i was surprised he even GOT a show on tv to begin with. and i would like sam to speak ideologically, i want to know what he REALLY believes. not that i suspect him, i think he probably is legit 1488 alt right.

hearing stories of successful, motivated, ambitious young students. reading press releases. an 18 year old “bad boy” goes to prison for 3 years for drug deal, gets a job afterwards, returns to skool, eager to complete a degree in engineering. maybe by age 25 he can get a 40k a year stem job and he’s spent 3 years in PRISON hahahaha.

people who switch their major 10 times by age 19 and finally settle on MATH, and are working with math faculty, plan on getting a phd in math. 20 year old girls who like the thrill of explaining advanced math to people and seeing the light bulb. a 20 year old undergrad can teach math better than many instructors with graduate degrees, even phd’s.

ironic that us smart kids used to make fun of the college as where the losers and fookups and lazy kids and trash goes, and i went to a Good University, and now I see that the 20 year old kids at the Fookup College are bigger winners than I am at age 30!

I don’t begrudge them, good for them i say, i am glad to change my Preconceived notions of the college and its students, and now I freely admit they are great people doing amazing things. I wish I had gone there when I was 20 hehehe instead of going to Good Univ.

So yeah, good for these kids. but i ENVY them, being so young and motivated and having their Shit Together. if they lose their way, they are back on their way by 25 at the absolute latest. not still fooking around at 35 hahahaha. so yeah i can only read so many Success Stories before I’m like damn. these young kids are huge winners and I’m an even bigger loser than I thought!

Having to explain to people why you didnt go to graduate skool. because you didnt like skool. because you didnt think it would be a good investment. because you werent willing to kick ass in your program. well then why should we HIRE you? why should I pick YOU as a husband and father of muh children when you arent MOTIVATED to work hard, be successful, and make even slightly above average money? very valid questions.

i mean these people aren’t really SMARTER than me, they just have a much better WORK ETHIC. working on long term goals, being persistent and resilient and never giving up. whereas i give up too easily hehehe.

yeah well but i dont really give up until I am about ready to K myself with panic hahahahaha. also, I ALWAYS try to do a good job and have GREAT attendance at jobs. when I was getting PAID, I ALWAYS tried to do my best.  also i got good grades in school, followed instructions, did the stuff on time, and high quality, did well on tests. just couldnt translate that into a career.

funny to be thinking all this when i am actually more successful than ive been in 17 months hahahahaha. but now I am seeing and hearing about all these successful young people and I am envious of them and disappointed in myself, wish i had the GUTS and the TOUGHNESS that they have.

yeah prob get really tired at the end of tonight like i did last thursday. sleep like the dead. drinking a lot of coffee today.

hmm tom petty summer tour. thats on bucket list way more than at the drive in. FIFTY DOLLARS for lawn tickets. i mean its 35 plus 15 damn dollars for all the goddam jooish fees. COME ON. i would pay 35 dollars. 50 is rougher. i mean maybe i will change my mind. not like lawn is gonna SELL OUT. i mean i should see TOM PETTY. would rather see tom petty than bob dylan. why cant petty play a medium sized theatre. more importantly, why are tickets to a goddam open air megatheatre so goddam expensive???? they should be less than 20 bucks. you can cram 100000 people in here.

varg v made an anti alt right video and i was like hmm i think me and him are thinking of different things hehehe. you need to come hang out with the TRS goys hahaha. then he started talking shit about andrew anglin and i was like ayo hol up. i like both varg and anglin of course. and i accept varg is just not gonna give an inch on his anti christian stuff. thats technically fine. then varg linked to this other guy who did this expose on anglin which is supposed the truth about why AA is an “anti white zionist shill” and sounds like some real sinead tier shit hahahaha. anyway i would like to listen to all of this and hear what he’s actually saying.

http://www.dailystormer.com/andrew-anglin-exposed/

heres anglins reponse i guess, which i already had bookmarked from months ago hehehehe

and now varg is dissing spencer because spencer associates with the joo “gottfried”? i have never heard of gottfried before today. heheheh movement drama.

official (((atlantic))) 11 minute documentary on RS came out today

posting here for posterity

suprsingly good, good stuff in there with millennial woes and william regnery, who i want to know how much money he has given to The Cause, i feel this guy is more important than he seems hahaha.

oh come on this just isnt fair hahahahaha. i am starting to really warm up to spencer finally. turns out they just did a podcast with spencer AND k1ke enoch AND andre anglin. NOICE. DOUBLE BONER hahahahaha.

maybe varg can talk shit about enoch too hahaha. i am disappoint hehehehe.

i mean really anglin should have gone to NPI. i think enoch went. or maybe sven hehehe. some trs higher ups. somebody saw the mysterious enoch in person hahaha. shit. he keeps hanging out with richard spencer and someones gonna get a damn photo of him hehehe.

heh. wonder if the trs convention in early 2017 will get press. probably will. theroretically i could try to beg trs for an invite. ideally i would like to go. that is going to be OFF THE CHAINS. i’m just wondering if media joos and antifa joos will notice and start reporting on it like they did with NPI. its possible TRS might EXPLODE in popularity at that time.

anyway now i feel impostor syndrome, and also lazy, like i’m not willing to do the outside work to learn the shit for my job. yet i read email and job related stuff all the time off the clock. but i’m not doing the MOST effective stuff, studying the HIGHEST PRIORITY stuff. and i am worried about that biting me in the ass.

not used to not being micromanaged. but i am used to receiving unclear directions and then trying to Act On them hahahahaha. not that im even GETTING that here. im still trying to figure out exactly what i’m getting….other than i can immediately tell that the people are very nice, and its going to be a lot different, in a good way, but there still are unknowns like…..i cant even say! theyre unknown unknowns! the sense of being in a new environment! it just takes time! you cant rush it! time to used muh radical acceptance hahaha.

dec 16

6 more inches of snow? will have gotten like 16 inches of snow by xmas. last year had no snow by xmas. none of these below 10 degree days for xmas. already a brutal winter and its not technical winter yet! bad news. dont know HOW i ever survived without winter boots for like 2 years (because there wasnt a lot of snow!) or especially warm winter socks (yeah this was a smart move. cant stop wearing these. try not to wear them in public or when trying to make a good impression, its just at home and errands and that type of stuff, not when i am WORKING or trying to Compete for a Wife.

had weird dream where i was visiting an old college-era friend of mine, one of those guys you will always remember fondly and be thankful for meeting. talked about him before. super cool good decent guy, super smart, great sense of humor, great personality, got phd in disgusting antiwhite cultural marxism unfort, haven’t talked to him in…..6 years. hmmm. but i will always remember him and wish him well! i hope he find a good wife and has some kids. it would be a CRIME AGAINST NATURE for him not to have at least 3 white kids. he would be a great father. Like me, he was a HIGHLY Moral, Principled man…..but he was a lot more cool about it. seemed to have it mastered a lot better, hehehe. didnt STRUGGLE so much. made it look easy. Maybe a part of this is that we both spent our youths in catholic schools, so we are Typical Catholic Assholes hahahaha. but yeah the catholics would be lucky to have this guy representing them, but I don’t think he has Gotten Back To The Church. Shit I haven’t really gotten back to the church. I just go every week and Mull Things Over and think how one can be a Catholic Alt Right White Nationalist hahahaha. Same way you can be a Degenerate Abortionist Catholic I guess hahahahaha.

mornings are for coffee and contemplation as the phaggot cop in the “Stranger things” commercial says. NO phaggot, mornings are for being SLAMMED with Urgent, Complex, Heroic, Exhausting WORK, just like afternoons and evenings hahahaha. Free at last, thank GOD ALMIGHTY hahahaha.

adorable, beautiful, and important pro-family 14 words vidya by varg. his heart is in the right place, we want the same things, he just misunderstands the alt right and anglin and spencer, but i’ll allow it because his heart is in the right place and we want the same things and he is clearly a Trve WN committed to the 14W and the things that MATTER.

to me, MY alt right is synonymous with Alt Right. For Varg it is not. he dislikes the term Alt Right; I have no problem with it. FINE. But I would be SHOCKED if he took issue wth the term WN. How could he have a problem with that term.

I should leave him a comment saying this. he would probably reply. bbbbbut I would really like to have a LIVE VOICE CHAT with him. but he’s never done one of those. no interviews, no conversations. he really SHOULD. even bernard started doing these. good for him. really TALK to people.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC79N-Hh5_Zhs_MPLP3QzAJA

go sub to alt right andy. i don’t THINK this is andrew anglin, maybe it is, but the POINT is, this guy uploads like a best of the alt right all day every day: trs podcasts, non trs podcasts, all solid stuff, recent and older, of huhwhyte-friendly stuff that’s not on youtube, he puts it on youtube. very convenient aggregator hahahaha.

http://www.radixjournal.com/tees/official-radix-t-shirt

heh i should probably give a few bucks to richard spencer. i thought YKW aka the JQ shut down his paypal, but apparently they did NOT. also NPI is a 5013c org, which i did not know. wouldnt be surprised to see that go away.

hehehehe i just pledged 1 fecking dolla a month to both matt foney and emily youcis. i felt bad about joining trs in making fun of tubby sad thirsty forney hahahaha. he’s a good writer and he is SO CLOSE. he goes to NPI and amren. i just want to push him further though. lose weight or especially become a damn WN 1377 man. he’s almost there, he just remains deluded in not wanting to seem like a racist. and is afraid to touch the JQ too much. i mean JQ is pretty much the final red pill. there’s the people who never talk about it, and then the people who talk about it a LOT, like me hahahaha. or varg. or TRS. pretty sure spencer does too.

or its a beautiful thing to WATCH a smart white man take the JQ Redpill. we got to watch this evolution every step of the way with millennial woes. as he says in the atlantic video, 3 years ago he didnt even think about it, or was just starting to think about it. and now he has followed it to its logical conclusion. which is why i give him 50% more than i am pledging forney hahahaha.

anyway the dream i had. i was visiting my old friend for the first time in years, and to my horror, THAT WOMAN was one of like 6 people who lived in his house. I never saw that woman, just her name on a mailbox or something. my friend couldn’t be blamed, he didn’t know of her history with me.

there was i think an implication that he might be dating that woman now! this was very unclear tho. but even if that were the case, i couldn’t be mad at him, because again, he had no idea that that woman ever knew me.

thankfully i never SAW that woman in the dream. just her Spectre, hehehehe.

yeah i would prob date emily youcis even if she had great potential to have a potato body and i really hate potato bodies, or women that have such YUGE Melon Heavy Breasts that they will certainly become horrendously saggy. despite these cons she has a very QT face. and her huge breasts would be neat for the next 5-10 years at least.

i like that she

a. faced consequences for her actions, which never happens to women, ie, she took a stand and lost her friends and lost her job.

b. she repented for her past degeneracy and is moving in the right direction even after being punished for it.

pretty principled and honorable and moral for a WOMAN!!!!!

i mean most women start out good and go bad pretty fast. she started out kinda degen and then GOT BETTER. i tip muh fedora to any mlady who can IMPROVE herself like that. to say no, fook this shit, this shit is WRONG, i want to be a BETTER PERSON. so thats why emily has earned my 1 feckin dolla a month. also pretty sure i would mostly enjoy making out, secs, and cuddling with her hahaha.

if her cartoon gets more degen instead of less then i can always stop my pledge hahahaha. cuz it is a very degen cartoon. but it’s better for a woman to do a solitary, creative pursuit, than to be out there sucking, fooking, cheating, and breaking real people’s hearts. a woman who can spend time alone by herself, rather than out in the world causing damage and Relational Violence and pain and suffering hahahaha.

im aware she probably sm0ked tons of MJ and odds are maybe even banged nonwhites. did that degen thing called “smut cave.” believe me i will stop giving her 12 dollars a year if she goes back to any of that shit! but i believe people can change! i want to change too! but its def not easy!

andy griffith show. this seems pretty wholesome, huhwhyte, and nonjooish. was don knotts a joo? LETS FIND OUT.

https://anon.to/?https://www.stormfront.org/forum/t273603-2/

i support stormfront in theory as large, old community of honest pro-whites, but i dont really trust don black to manage the money. i know i donated like 2 dollars to them at some point but no more hahaha.

also if i link directly to them, they will prob find me. happened with another blog. when i was just starting to get into pro white stuff in 2010-12. i was not as directly “I AM A FULL BLOWN WN” as i am now, more like i was open to the idea. then somebody posted a thread on stormfront pointing out muh blog, linking to it. did not generate any responses thank god.

anyway stormfront says don knotts was NOT jooish, but one guy had to have a post saying andy griffith is not as wholesome as it seems, and is in fact subversive, perverted jooish trash hahahaha.

they say don knotts’ comedy style was jooish, pure catskill borscht belt shit, and the AG show producer was aaron ruben, a yuge J.

i’ll allow these arguments hahahaha. not NOT an argument hehehehe.

born in west virginia to english stock. pretty sure west virginia is the huhwhytest state in the US. I should srsly move there. not even joking.

anyway point is, don knotts seems like a nice honest man to me. maybe he was self deprecating because he was short and petite, not because he was worshipping jooish comedians.

honestly once you take the Joo pill, theres no going back hahahaha. you see EVERYTHING through that lens. and i think thats a GOOD thing.

heh. went to catholic church for standard xmastime confession service. i never ever do the thing where you confess your sins in the confessional, havent done that since i was like 12 hahaha. usually do this thing where you write your sins on a small piece of paper, give it to the priest, they bless you right there without really reading the paper, put the paper in a metal garbage cans, then burn them at the end. symbolic. well that is a bit of a controversial procedure in that some higher ups dont agree that its a proper trve confession. might be heresy hahaha. so this year there was a more proper “group reconciliation” thing where they had 5 priests, and you lined up and actually TALKED TO THE PRIEST for 2 minutes confessing your sins in person. so i was nervous about that. did it anyway. no worse than the phone calls i had to take 20 times a day for muh job hahahaha. just ramble autistically about how i am selfish and judgemental and racist and sexist and lustful and lazy and hateful and a complainer and lukewarm and judge everybody etc etc etc.

http://archive.is/TX6mq

paul gottfried, richard spencers jooish “mentor.” article in the tablet, a ridiculously jooish journal, nov 2016, which charges 180 dollars a YEAR to be able to COMMENT on their WEBSITE. WOW. I CANT EVEN. I AM LITERALLY SHAKING RIGHT NOW.

http://www.frontpagemag.com/fpm/263988/some-observations-man-who-created-alt-right-paul-gottfried

gottfried himself writes an article, not gonna blame him for that stupid title tho. TLDR hahahaha. he admits to at one time being a friend of spencer. well does spencer admit to being a friend of him? i dont even care if he is hahahaha. i mean this gottfried is probably one of the good joos. hes still gotta go back tho. even the good joos must go back. the bad far outweighs the good. kinda like blacks and muslims and browns and mestizos hahahahahaha and nonwhites in general.

uh oh getting prejudiced and judgemental again, better watch out or i will have to go back to confession hahaha.

 

 

.045 BATTING AVERAGE

sept 26

heh. ok took some nyquil. did a 3.6 mile powerwalk. now a chili diet is GREAT because you feel very full and its really not a lot of calories, so you could easily lose weight eating only chili. beef and beans.  but it hits your stomach like a brick and puts you in a coma and you feel like you always have to Poop even if youre not actually pooping. and then wake up in the middle of the night and poop hhahahaha.

ok. got to get one job app done today before i get in too much of a coma!

wewlad got contacted for The Big 20th Interview at 441 jobs. brings me to 1/22 average here. 1 interview for every 22 applications. in baseball terms that is a .045 batting average hahahahaha.

but yeah i have been in a SLUMP lately, a COLD STREAK, so this is kinda good. but now i worry i will be RUSTY and therefore not do so good on this interview.

well, just dont schedule 2 interviews for 1 day ever again hehehehe.

this is for a large ass company who sometimes has TV commercials. its a fortune….550 company hahahahaha.

1.5% revenue LOSS but a profit GAIN? how does that work?

anyway this job has to do with fire safety department, i guess extinguishers and sprinklers maybe? inspection and service.

and i have a damn written test TONIGHT for the 15 dah pt city job. 15 dah is great, but pt and no bennies sucks. it probably sucks so much that you should not have a damn 2 hour written test. HOW MANY PEOPLE are really applying for this? well there were about 30 people for the wirtten test for the other city job a few months ago!

awww sheeeeit i gotta bring my own PENCILS???? they had pencils last time. so they will print out 500 sheets of paper for the test but not pencils. ok. making 30 people come in at this one time. when they could have done the whole thing online. but then there would prob be more applicants. so its worth it for them to print 600 pages of paper……but NOT supply pencils hahahaha.

heh i wish high schools taught the skills you actually need in jobs. like “DECIPHERING priorities” being dumped on you by 10 different people. and communicating in tough situations and making decisions where you dont have information, and you dont know who has the information, and you dont know how to get the information, to fix a broken system where the customer knows more about the system than you, and are demanding an explanation for something you dont understand and have never seen.

this should all be in high school, NOT spending MONTHS reading SHAKESPEARE. come on. shakespeare? really? i am not dissing shakespeare but really its fooking USELESS. let stupid english majors in college read shakespeare. im not even denying that he was a smart white writer.

now annoyed because literally 10 flies are now in the house buzzing around when earlier in the day, there were NONE. i mean what the hell am i supposed to think? to go from 0 to 10 in just a few hours?

and when you have a TON of flies in the house like this, its like, what filth is rotting away in here?

in certain regions there are different kinds of flies. like in rural areas there are a ton of flies, but they do not seem to signify filth the same way these flies do. i would strongly wager they are diff species of flies.

i mean its distracting and annoying and i have killed at least 5 or 6 so far and theres several more. i had the door open for a few seconds but i didnt see any flies fly in, let alone 10.

so stupid and retarded.

well, her job is not some fancy high status masters degree senior level career job, its just really FUN and she LUVS it, and he is an Unemployed Bum.

ok. did muh 15 pushups today. did 2 job apps. making some headway on getting rid of these flies. did some cleaning around the house. got written job test in a few hours. not even gonna prepare. cant really.

so now you need to know your LOVE LANGUAGE because of this stupid fad book, and know your womans luv language, and manage a way so that you can communicate with her, and do all the heavy lifting there, or else youre the bad guy who pushes her away and deserves to be dumped because you didnt jump through all the hoops and do all the heavy lifting and all the hard work and all the effort.

i dont know what my luv language is. i am very cuddly and affectionate WHEN I like the person, but before then, i am cold and aloof and distant. it takes a long time and or somebody very special to get over The Wall.  and then when they do, i smother them with affection and attention and stalking and neediness hahahaha.

do i do gifts or actions? i havent really been with somebody long enough to do any thoughtful gift giving beyond basic bitch buying them dinner hahahaha then get dumped shortly after hahahaha.  but the few times i did buy gifts for women i had known for a while, i tried to make them really nice and good and that they would like them.

i mean you have to have an at least medium term rel before you start buying making meaningful GIFTS for them! so i did that a LITTLE for woman2012, did that a little for woman2015. maybe they dumped me because i didnt get them enough gifts and with enough meaning hahahaha. no jk.

heh. 1 job is INFINITELY more than 0 jobs.

2 jobs is only TWICE as much as 1 job ahahahahahahahahahahahah.

therefore,

https://www.google.com/search?q=Five+Geek+Social+Fallacies&rlz=1C1NHXL_enUS687US687&oq=Five+Geek+Social+Fallacies&aqs=chrome..69i57&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

sheeeeeeeeit.

yeah well “OSTRACISM” is wrong if you just freeze someone out with no communication. but yeah it is okay to tell someone “i dont want to hang out any more.” but i wouldnt call that “OSTRACISM.”

http://www.plausiblydeniable.com/opinion/gsf.html

setp 28

sheeeeeeeit man. so i went to the written test for the part time city job. 15 hourly. one time only. well, i found out they actually had a second session. there were 33 people here. wow. ranged from attractive 8/10 23 year old gurls, to 60 year old men and women. learned there were 3 positions filling. did not know that. that was good news. that gives me a better chance. but i did HORIBLE on the test!

because half of it was goddamn accounting questions: do a bank reconciliation problem. do a cash disbursements journal problem. which are increased and decreased by debits, which accounts are increased and decreased by credits. law of debits and credits.

this is ALL accounting 101 stuff, and I took accounting 101 and got a A+. over 6 years ago. then i never used this knowledge again. so i recognized these words but completely forgot what they meant, and certainly couldnt remember enough to get the questions right!

was very frustrated and angry, because i USED to know this stuff and years ago would have done very well! I could definitely relearn it fairly quickly. but right now I dont remember shit.

heh. i can give you oficial transcripts showing you i got 4.0 in accounting 1 AND accounting 2!  I USED to know all this stuff. i would have loved to get an entry level accounting clerk job, but you gotta have a CPA and 5 years of experience to do this hhahahaha.

https://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+do+cash+disbursement+journal&rlz=1C1NHXL_enUS687US687&oq=how+to+do+cash+dis&aqs=chrome.3.69i57j0l5.6872j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

https://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+do+bank+reconciliation&rlz=1C1NHXL_enUS687US687&oq=how+to+do+bank+re&aqs=chrome.0.0j69i57j0l4.5123j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

ok so learn how to do it then so i can bs about it in a future interview hehehehe

ooooh just got invited to a phone interview/screening for a….12 dah job i applied to OVER 3 MONTHS AGO. it is not even on Muh Spreadsheet. I thought I got rejection email. shit i DID get a rejection email on APRIL 12!!!!!!

so they probably hired someone, they didnt learn fast enough and were fired or panicquit, or they werent happy with 12 bucks an hour, or they died of a fentanyl laced heroin overdose hahahahahahahahahahaha or bludgeoned to death by their black boifran tyrone hahahaha. what a sense of humor. ladies, im single hahahahaha.

and so now they are going to their second string in the pool. WELP its better than putting out another posting and getting 1000 NEW people in the pool, like that trucking company does. i have stopped applying for the damn position. (maybe its a test, they are checking to see if you apply for it FIVE TIMES and THEN they call you. so since i stopped at 3 or 4, they wont call me.)

but this place is a well reputed credit union and they are super close to home if its the branch im thinking of. want to find out how much customer contact it is of course. also i dont think this place gets ROBBED too much.

SOMEBODY DISCONNECTED FROM ME ON LINKEDIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i cant figure out who it is. maybe one of the people that requested me who i dont even know in real life, just because i am desperate for linkedin connections hehehehe.

had weird dream where i was watching “a david lynch film” which is similar to when i am watching a “lars von trier film” in a dream, usually means I am about to see some FOOKED UP SHIT like a full blown NIGHTMARE.

There was some shit with nazis and hitler having an orgy that also included gay sex.

there was a part where i was living in a house in a trashy area of town. the house was kinda falling apart but it was big and could be fixed up nice. i was waiting for a call from Woman2 because i was desperate to hang out with her, because she was super cute, young, and she showed a lot of interest in me. this is pretty much how i felt when I first met her. when she was super cute, super young, and was the first gurl who was THAT interested in me. I was so excited that I thought I might finally get muh first GF. really she just wanted to have chill fun and see where things went, and she quickly determined she did not want to Date Me. a few quick secsual sessions and making out and cuddling, yeah its fun, but uh oh looks like he’s getting feelings and wants to turn this into something. NOPE.

i guess that is her right to not want a rel, but I was still hurt hehehehe.

also she was a j00 and as of now, i would never want to be in a serious rel with a joo. casual sex maybe. but long term rel? HELL NO.

anyway in the dream i went upstairs to the second floor where i never went, and in a bedroom in the bed there was laying some random dead woman. it looked like a huge gaping hole was in her crotch area and all her insides had been removed. absolutely horrifying. soon after i found a bunch more dead women, similarly mutilated. there had to be like at least 10 dead women up there.

so yeah that was what made the dream really nightmarish. i forced myself to wake up and stay awake for a few minutes just so i wouldnt go back into that dream! and i dont think i did.

kinda weird to have a dream about woman2, but not TOO weird, and much better than dreaming about woman2015! that woman!

heheheh i hate that feel when you think oh i like this gurl because she doesnt wear a lot of makeup or dress like…well, not necess a “skank” or a “whore”, but a High Maintenance Princess who wants to look Classy Sexy to Powerful Men, with expensive dresses, high heels, jewelry, all that shit. a high class whore hahahahaha.

but thats only because she never invites you to those events where she dresses like that. she seems like a total girl next door to you, then one day you randomly see her Dressed Up like a woman who knows how to get what she wants, and you are shocked and a little disappointed, because you thought she had no idea of how to dress like that.

how often does she dress like that? in ways to wrap powerful men around her little finger? probably more than you will ever know. she knows exactly how to manipulate powerful men to get the high quality resources she wants. money, status, vacations, clothes, cars, careers, houses, power.

sheeeeeit. rejected for casual/contingent no benefits job with FEDGOV.

sheeeeeit. looking at the HR woman who invited me to phone interview and she is very well regarded, decent college, AND has a mba-LIKE degree that I really dont understand the difference between this an an MBA, but a lot successful people have this particular degree. she is not some stupid 22 year entry level HR ditz in other words, but a smarter, masters degree, 35 year old HR bossgrrl. be very afraid, hahahahaha.

i hate it when these women ask for SPACE and then BOOM, you cant ask for any CLARIFICATION or YOURE the bad guy. come on. show some good faith. i am HAPPY to give you space if you give me some DETAILS up front, namely, here’s when the space ends, and an assurance that we will communicate about it fully. you give me space for 2 weeks, then you can call me on october 15 (specific date) AND I promise I will write you a long email by ocotber 15.

but when they just say I NEED SPACE STARTING RIGHT NOW and then xpect you to DROP EVERYTHING for them, thats fooking stupid af. IM GONNA CUT OFF ALL COMMUNICATION WITH YOU FOR AN INDEFINITE TIME

omg i ACTUALLY REPLIED:

IMHO the best way to do “space” is with clearly defined terms and time period. I don’t like when “space” is used as an excuse to avoid communication and avoid working on a mutual problem indefinitely. I think it would be a sign of good faith for the person wanting the space to also offer some sort of communication or clarification about it, like “I need some time to think, but I will contact you on [specific date] to discuss this, or I will send you a letter/email by [specific date].”
Basically, IMHO, clear communication and a clear timeframe are very important, rather than using “space” as an excuse to avoid communicating about complex problems. Unfortunately I think the odds are against you here, so it may help to try to “detach” yourself, of course that’s MUCH easier said than done. Just be careful not to push her, and respect the space as best you can, although I definitely appreciate how frustrating it is when somebody refuses to communicate with you. And also don’t lose sight of the fact that just because you have PTSD, that that means you aren’t “worthy” of a relationship, OR that you have to have that issue 100% resolved before you are “worthy.” Dealing with psychological or emotional issues is a long-term thing, and I think the ideal partner would appreciate that you are making a good-faith effort to manage your condition, rather than expecting you to be 100% “fixed.” Good luck and please keep us updated!

END REPLY

Im sure I will get downvoted by the women always right, men always wrong cuckold manhating phaggots of reddit, then feel ashamed and delete muh post.

26f has been with n=24 guys/people. she says “low twenties” so I take her at her word and assumes that means 24, which is way too damn high for me hahahahahahaha.

big suprise it comes after a raep and this is how she fees free and control again, by racking up a large number in a short time.

no im not saying she deserved getting raeped, im just saying THIS IS A BAD WAY TO DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

of course all the catladies and sluts and cuckolds of reddit think a womans number doesnt matter, and any guy who thinks it does is immature, creeper, insecure, doesnt deserve a rel until he LEARNS.

“20 is not THAT high of a number” ???!?!?!?!? ARE YOU FOOKING KIDDING ME????!?!?!?!

like this one polyamorous nerd slut says, “SEX IS COMPLICATED!!!!!”

and i would totally agree with that. complicated as in the different emotions and beliefs and situations and attached meaning of the two people doing it. and i am TOTALLY entitled to my belief that its a special thing that should be TREATED as such, adn that casual secs is DEGENERATE and immoral and yucky.

but yeah. just like a woman to want space but then make NO EFFORT to communicate exactly what she MEANS by that, making YOU the bad guy when you try to figure out exactly what space means.

how about this, when you ask for space, PREPARE for the conversation like you would prepare for a test or job interview or presentation. prepare what you are going to say. write a god damn PLAN. write a damn ONE PAGE fact sheet of how long the space ends, the rules of the space, and what kind of good will YOU are gonna offer in return for this good will. dont just demand shit for free. A RELATIONSHIP IS A TWO WAY STREET.

no you dont HAVE to…..it would just be RESPECTFUL to your BF to treat him with respect and treat the rel as a two way street, not a one sided master slave thing.

these women give you these vague things and expect you to read their crazy minds. wtf. so retarded and stupid and like a retarded baby with a flamethrower hahahaha.

wewlad got muh 1 application done today. state unemployment agency job in EXTREMELY diverse area. 16 an hour, GREAT pay rate there, hard to FIND jobs that pay between 12 and 16 dollars!!!!! its always below or way above. cant find that happy medium sweet spot for entry level trash like me hahahaha.

it seems to be a BACK OFFICE job, if it were Front Office Customer Service, I would have gladly thrown it away hahaha. i mean this neighborhood is all arabs and turks and blacks and africans and asians, they are PROUD that 100 languages are spoken in the grade school. i do not want to be serving these smelly, chattering, entitled foreigners face to face. BUILD THE WALL. THEY HAVE TO GO BACK. theres probably a few mexicans and hondurans and squatemalens in there, although theres another area of town for them.

i am a DEPLORABLE racist xenophobe. THIS IS NOT NEWS! didnt you read the ABOUT page?

i do like this baby steps thing. just do ONE job app. just do 15 pushups. just walk 1 mile. just run ONE errand. but the goal is, you do several of these things. so today was successful there. I did 1 app, did 1 errand, did 15 pushups, and am about to go for 1 moderate powerwalk. honestly i use powerwalking as an EXCUSE NOT to do job search. because its so much funner.

also did some tech support around the home by figuring out how to setup wireless printer on several computers (and doing it, hehehehe.)

got at least 2 rejection emails, got 1 email asking for phone interview, got that set up for tuesday, got a real interview wednesday, not bad.

went for 2.2 mile powerwalk, it was threatening to rain. prob could and should have continued. oh well. not as disappointed as if i had not done any job apps hehehe. that is ESSENTIAL. at least do one. if you do more, great. but dont say “TODAY I HAVE TO DO 5. SHEEEEIT, I SHOULD BE DOING AT LEAST 32 IF I WANT TO BE A BARE MINIMUM BIGBOY WORKING MAN. DO LESS THAN 32, YOU DONT DESERVE A 1/10 MUDSHARK SEACOW.” that kind of Self Talk is rather discouraging hahahahaha.

A LITTLE EFFORT IS A LOT BETTER THAN NO EFFORT

april 30

happy halloween, now dont get drunk and have degenerate casual sex with some guy youve known for less than two months hahaha. but thats ok cuz you make a LOT more money than me haha.

you can cope with the stresses of real life and be compensated generously for it. so that makes you better than me hahahaha.

i hate that this success, winner, making more money, better than me, toughness, coping with a tough job component is so tied up with this woman situation. hahaha this is what happens when you work with the woman in a stressful job. all the other women who dumped me and we way more successful than me, well i never worked with them.

and directly failed at the same job that they directly succeeded in.

so yeah i feel like I have been beaten in the contest of life. given the same job, same environment, she succeeded and I failed. DAMN. they dont have a book that teaches you how to deal with that. its humiliating.

HUMILIATING!!!!!!

she wouldnt think twice about taking the good paying job i turned down! she would say yeah call center sucks but I CAN HANDLE IT and thats great money. So ill do it for a while, make some good money.

she doesnt panic and lose confidence and say OH GOD I WONT BE ABLE TO HANDLE THIS!!!!!!!

and I hate her being STRONGER than me like that!!!!!

how can you ever hope to get a woman when they are STRONGER THAN YOU?

i would have been happier if she really STRUGGLED with the job and HATED it and WORRIED about it, like I did. but instead she was like it doesnt really bother me that much any more, I can tolerate it. I felt it was a way of her Asserting Dominance and Superiority over me. even if it really wasnt.

it is like we stopped being on the same team. and she was becoming my antagonistic, hostile master, who wanted to force me out.

i was willing to support her with her struggles. she was not willing to support me with my struggles.

and i thought she would be. she was so nice and caring to me when i wasnt struggling. when i didnt like her, hahaha.

i guess i could have PROVED myself if I took this new call center job.

but it was a bigass gamble. i mean the company seemed really Fishy and they were TOO eager to get me in there. seemed almost too good to be true. They claim they are trying to change the culture for the better….but many reviews say the culture has been changing for the worse in the 2 years since the new owner took over. they are firing people like crazy, and people are quitting like crazy.

but 50 out of 60 people placed by the staffing agency are still there!!!!

yeah I COULD have proven myself….or I could have just gone crazy again.

with her by my side to cuddle and say nice things to me, i probably would have been confident and tough enough to handle it. the way I felt abotu her, i gave her the power to build me up. as well as break me down hahaha. i gave her the key to muh heart hahahaha.

unfortunately many women have a really WEAK LOCK on their Life-Creator, and they don’t really have much of a heart period. or they have such a strong long on their heart that no man can unlock it. but god damn can just about any tough guy get inside their Cheap Life Creator.

the lock on your Life Creator should be just as strong as the lock on your HEART!

it sucks when you WANT to be Accountable at your job….but the people above you are not accountable, and they push you to do so much, that you have to sacrifice your accountability by cutting corners and passing the buck! and you really hate doing this because you know its dishonest and shameful and unfair and just plain wrong, and if it were up to you, your company would be held accountable to fixing the things you’d THINK it was their JOB to fix!

this is why I am very leery of Managed Service Providers and Call Centers.

its SERVICE THEATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and the grunts tasked with being the dancing puppets there…..well naturally they are miserable and….

unless they are HER, then they find a way to have a sense of humor abotu it. usually by buying into the culture of unaccountability and saying, NOT MY PROBLEM, IDIOT CUSTOMER. You’re the IDIOT for thinking we can FIX this. next idiot.

I never took that attitude because I felt the majority of the callers WERE reasonable and good faith and not unreasonable idiots. they just wanted shit fixed that really shouldnt be breaking so much. they were just asking for their damn systems to WORK. how is that unreasonable?

sure some callers were dickheads but only a minority. i was angry that she wasnt angry at the higher ups lack of acountability like i was. do you think that is the right thing to do? do you approve of their behavior? dont you want to figure the peoples problems out? or you just listen to music and say sorry cant be fixed. sorry nothing we can do just deal with it.

besides when you are doing livechat, you get the more passive people, and its easier to make them roll over. the people who want something fixed urgently will CALL in not chat. and I dealt with calls exclusively. she dealt with chats exclusively. so in a way i felt like we did have two different jobs, and she had the easier job, and I resented that, right or wrong.

now, chats probably WERE harder than I thought they were. I will grant her that.

but I think it was easier to pass the buck and say “sorry cant fix it” to some milquetoast on chat. where if you told a CALLER that, they would be stubborn and want to speak to a supervisor. which is always a recipe for disaster.

shit should be FIXED so there is no need to speak to a supervisor……and if there is, there should be level 2s available to take the call. they should say, okay transfer that to the level 2 phone line now please. and not fight you tooth and nail over that.  it took me 6 months to even FIND OUT abotu the level 2 phone line, because shit like that was kept SECRET.  maybe if you were a pretty girl they would tell you more secrets.

on chat, it was easier to avoid a problem and hope it went away, without you dealing with it hahahahahaha. out of sight, out of mind! you see what i am getting at here.

when you see a woman acting like a whore, really you have to blame their FATHER. what kind of father lets their daughter grow up to be a piece of meat? just an ass to be POUNDED? wouldnt you take ACTION to make sure your daughter doesnt turn into a piece of degenerate, degraded buttslut filth pig? thats YOUR little princess!

an exception is when a bitch mother alienates a decent father from the childrens lives so the father never gets a chance to keep his daughter from becoming a whore. but I imagine at least half of whores fathers are just plain old deadbeat losers who just dont care.

dont hate the sluts! hate their fathers!

this will help you become less woman hating hahahahaha.

when you hold yourself accountable, you want to make other people be accountable too. especially when people are calling YOU to fix the shoddy work THEY did, and you can’t figure it out. and the other person is hiding, wont respond to your Chats, and you have to get damn permission to transfer a call to anyone. this is ridiculous. ideally I would just call them up, leave a damn voice mail, and then its on THEM, as it should be. that’s not me passing the buck, that’s me transferring a caller to someone who was working on their case who is probably better equipped and authorized to fix their problem than me. I shouldnt have to argue with them to take a second look at something that clearly doesnt work, that they clearly didnt fix. well prove to me i didnt fix it. becuase the caller says the shit is still happened. whats happening. whats the error code. ok thats different. you try to fix that. different issue then. if you cant fix it get it escalated. not my problem anymore. i fixed the issue that was escalated to me. i’m done here. i have other cases to work on.

and we had an honestly Good Team of Good People. we had actually good managers. decent level 2’s and level 3’s. there was good teamwork in our office. the problem was the faceless people in the other offices. when we got called on THEIR work. and also the highest upper management. they sucked. and they applied all the pressure from above and eventually got the place shut down and now 50 people are out of jobs.

how did she handle it so much better? how was she so much stronger than me?

because she smoked a lot of MJ? MJ DOES kinda help with the job. to clear your mind and help you SLEEP. helps you survive each day.

because she wasnt in luv with somebody on the job who was breaking her heart? yeah that had a big part to do with it all!

because she had an easier job and could just tell people to go away nothing we can do and they would just slink off? yeah that too.

maybe this was why she was so good at ignoring Our Problems and not being willing to Deal With Them. her whole job was ignoring problems and not dealing with them and avoiding accountability.

but was it really? was she really that bad? everybody liked her and she probably even got employee of the month. maybe. i dont know that. i really wanted employee of the month, and i had a chance at getting it finally if i had just toughed it out. damn.

maybe she wasnt as shitty of a worker as I paint her, but I was definitely a better worker than her. I was very accountable. Busted my ass to actually solve problems really. busted my ass to learn shit in and out when that was not an easy task because of all the conflicting and secret information. made personal sacrifices to try to get better at my job.

and i was the big loser and she was the big winner.

even if they are closing the shit and she is permanently losing her job.

her confidence is WAYYYYYY higher than mine and I am jealous of that.

confidence is SO important and i hate having none. and her dumping me and having a TON. and besting me at the job. and me freaking out about working in another call center while to her its no big deal. she doesnt freak out. she doesnt feel guilt for breaking peoples hearts and for not being accountable hahaha.

yeah well its GOOD to feel guilt for doing bad things! you know who doesnt? SOCIOPATHS!

but shes clearly NOT a sociopath. shes a good person who just didnt have courage to do one good thing. I might have done the same thing.

well no i wouldnt. I would have written an email at least hahahaha.

how could you have NOTHING TO SAY about all this?

I am offended and hurt by even just that. I have SO MUCH TO SAY about it all. It’s all i can talk or think about for 10 months. I have written 1000000000000000000000000 pages on it. she was right there in the “relationship” with me for 2.7 years and doesnt have ONE GOD DAMN WORD to say about it.

i had a SHITLOAD of things to say because it was IMPORTANT to me. she had NOTHING to say because it was…..not important to her? but i know it WAS at least a LITTLE important to her.

that bothered me too. i knew it was somewhat important to her but she STILL didnt say anything.

here’s a good thing to say:

“Sorry, we don’t have any record of that. it is what it is.”

thats a better way of saying “we dont know, no one knows, and there’s no way to find out, or we’re not willing to spend the time and the money TO find out, because you are just a nobody with an insignificant issue. who cares. no one cares.”

also,

“sorry, we don’t have any timeframe on that. they will call you back / deliver the shit within 48 hours. it is what it is.”

“my supervisor is out of the office today. I can have them call you back within 48 hours. that’s the best we can do. it is what it is.”

and then don’t have the sup call them back, because they wont, and hope the person lets it slide, cuz they rightfully concluded there was nothing anyone could do.

basically everyone is forced to act like no account, r-selected, quantity not quality n1993rs. this is very hard for a proud white man.  whites are the most K-selected race there is, and I am a VERY K-selected white! I dont give a DAMN about quantity! and I hate fast paced shit. I would rather take MORE time to do a better job. But they wont let you stay unpaid because other people’s work depends on YOUR work. you gotta work fast to keep pace with the rest of the TEAM who is moving fast as shit.

And you just can’t say I’ll stay an extra hour unpaid every day if you just let me go a little slower! 90 minutes extra! 2 hours extra! every day! unpaid!

well youre salary so youre expected to work 50 hours a week STANDARD. and NOT SLOWLY. not doing 40 hours of normies work in your slow turtle 50 hours. fook you hit the bricks deadbeat.

and SHE can handle all this, and I cant!!!! that makes me even more bitter and angry against her hahaha. maybe THATS why she dumped me. because I couldnt handle life and I was weaker than her.

Yeah well I couldnt handle life with the other women and they were nicer when they dumped me!!!!! those fookin sluts who took 10000 cox were NICER To me!

heres a good life pro tip: get a spring/fall type light jacket that is NOT a Hoodie. Of course we all like to Wear Hoodies and it’s ok to have one and wear it sometimes, but it also looks very unprofessional, n1993rish, and neetish. just get a damn fleece jacket or something light WITHOUT A HOOD and it looks a lot better to the Powerful Women and Men who make 15 DAH. then they might invite you into their cool kids club one day.

SLUT! YA FOOKIN HOOWA! YOUR CVNT!!!

(type o negative reference again, hahaha.)

maybe i do have bipolar. cuz when i get stressed and panicked I get racing thoughts and dont think straight and think i am going crazy. its SCARY.

therefore, I should try taking lithium and see if it makes me better or worse hahaha.

unless lithium is like 50 dollars a month. no thank you! only 5 dollar a month prescriptions for me!

I thought I meant more to you!!! I KNOW I meant more to you than THIS!!!!!!!

hahahaha. yeah I bet it IS easier to get over somebody when you have a SELECTION of OTHER attractive young suitors. Like if I had 2 or 3 good looking 25 year old women being nice to me and wanting to get my attention and wanting to hang out with me……i would hang out with them and i would see how OTHER women can be nice and attractive too, and SHE wasnt so god damn SPECIAL, and that I will find ANOTHER woman and get over HER very effectively and efficiently.

Like she has a bunch of young men showering her with attention and interest. She has forgotten all about me. I was just another dork showering her with interest and attention. nothing special there.

i can understand rejecting a persons luv interest. but to harshly abandon/ DESERT somebody, thats never called for. unless you are abusing them and they need to ESCAPE from your evil. maybe I was abusing her mentally and emotionally with my passive aggressive manipulation hahaha.

I’ll never know!!!!!!

But I do wonder if she will respond to our mutual friend ever, and what she will say to that mutual friend if the mutual friend mentions My Side of the Story.

basically I want the mutual friend to side with ME and not with HER hahahahaha.

i was watching doc martin and he was having trouble with his wife who up and left him. he went nuts and finally she came back. he started going to a Shrink to work on himself and on the relationship. the shrink recommended doing a session with both of them. the Doc agreed and tried to persuade his wife, but she basically said, no, not right now, I think you need to solve your own issues first, I dont need to go.

which was very bitchy and dumb of her to basically give up on the relationship like that and say its all HIS fault, I’m not willing to go to the shrink because HE’s the one with the problem, not me.

So I kinda felt like that. i mean I felt like the doc, and she was like his wife, who was like NOPE NOT MY PROBLEM.  HE’S gotta do all the work.

but at least they still talked to each other and remained married. and she eventually went. within like 2 episodes. and they began doing what the shrink said. like hugging each other and saying 3 nice things about each other. every day. wow I wish my female friend could have done that hahahaha. even hugging her was asking too much. but boy she likes being fooked by cool guys she just met! (no proof but many/most/average women do. you dont know if this guy is a serial killer, yet you will play the life creation game with him. if you create a new life, no problem, you can just murder it, and dump the guy, and find a new guy to play the life creation game with. maybe spread some disease but dont let anyone tell you that’s shameful because its not, its all about you, and everything you want is ok and good.)

bitter much? U ASSMAD? yes i am hahahaha.

birth control and abortion have made both men and women ignorant of the value of human life, and this is very sad for women, because they have a much bigger responsibility in the creation of human life. do they care? no. just fook and abort and throw unborn children and full grown men away, find another man to create unborn children to murder. fooking EVIL shit. hell on earth. it is THE ENEMY who is behind this EVIL.

no problem, just smoke MJ and forget it all.

no need to be truly repentant for the people you’ve hurt. just FORGET about it! its in the PAST! if you hurt someone again in the future, you can just forget about that too! Get over it! That’s what getting over stuff is! you just forget it ever happened, learn nothing from it, and never feel guilt or shame, becuase you can do no wrong, and even if you could, you’d have a damn good reason, and it would all be ok. you should never feel bad for the things youve done.

youre a woman, women are below men in the power kyriarchy, men have punched down on women long enough, so its JUSTICE when a woman punches UP against a man.

heh i wish i had gotten closer with her family, her mother, so I could really “USE” the mother to go to bat for me. not use use her, but “leverage” her to talk some SENSE into her daughter. the mother was on the path to liking me. but i just hadnt had enough quality time with the mother to get the mother all the way on my side.

well its not about TAKING SIDES.

i agree, it SHOULDNT be. if she had made ANY effort, it wouldnt be such a HOSTILE situation, it would be much less about taking sides.

well her idiocy and weakness and selfishness and disappointingness is finite, but GODS luv and mercy and goodness is INFINITE.

you dont need a mother or father or anyone to tell you that this is not the right way to end a relationship. anyone with any sense at all knows that. i think she had enough sense to know that, she just didnt have the courage. the will. the STRENGTH. she didnt have the strength to do that but she was stronger than me at the job and in most other areas of life. DAMN.

even though doc martins wife is a huge stubborn in the wrong bitch, she STILL makes SOME sort of effort to spend time with him and not abandon him completely hahaha. this is no doubt giving him some sort of hope. just her being around. as uncooperative and bitchy and wrong as she is.

i like how there is the gang of hawt mean gurls in the town who all make fun of doc martin and call him a pervert and a tosser and they dress like sluts and act like total cvnts. even though hes not a pervert at all, just an autist.

 

 

GOD DESIGNED THEM TO BE TRAITOROUS WH0RES

apr 1

no foolin hahaha.

Wow stupidest job app yet, materials handler for hospital, seems like a warehouse thing. app had a 111 question personality test at the end where i blatantly lied and strongly agreed with the stuff i was supposed to agree with. strongly. and they also said they do a nicotine test and you are not allowed to smoke cigs on your lunch break hahaha. NOICE. wonder if they do random drug tests too. cuz if i get a shitty full time job i will want to take MJ like a DEGENERATE to cope.

welp i have a prescription for valium at least.

i don’t care enough that MJ is degenerate. if i’m doing a shitty job for the rest of my life and no nice waifu to cuddle, then i want to take MJ to deal with stress. period. yes it IS degenerate and I wouldn’t BRAG about it to White Winners. Nor would I want to hang out with Degen Stoners.

111 questions for a damn 12 DAHJ. and this was the most ridiculous HR stuff you could imagine. testing your empathy and your normieness and weirdness and do you like to multitask and do more with less and not need help and be a team player and love diversity and be easy to get along with and adapt to change etc. 111 stupid questions, 111 lies hahaha.

and that horrible cvnt gets to keep her 15 DAHJ!!!!!! and does not get a damn nicotine or drug test! and smokes MJ every day and doesn’t study for her job at all! and is still respected by people! fook her! fooking bitch! fooking cvnt! how dare she! she should have to suffer SOMETHING but she faces NO CONSEQUENCES for something she should have SOME GUILT and SHAME and PAIN about!!!!!!!!

but she does the WRONG thing and faces NO consequences!!!!!!!! wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fooking evil whore!!!!!!!!!!!1

she’s not GOOD ENOUGH to have a FT job making 15 DAH! she’s a terrible multitasker! terrible person! terrible communicator!! terrible under pressure! terrible service!!! nothing but runaround!!! terrible employee!!! terrible idiot! not creative! not thinking outside of the box! bitchy! stupid! unproductive! uneducated! she’s not GOOD ENOUGH to earn a living at a job! she hasn’t SUFFERED enough! hasn’t PAID ENOUGH DUES!!!!!! you should not be able to support yourself at age 25!!!!!!!! wheres your fooking masters degree bitch? you have terrible grammar and misspellings on your linkedin page!! you’re terrible at interviews! you’re awkward and not a people person!!! you deserve to suffer and be miserable the rest of your pathetic life bitch!!!!!!!

heh. no i’m not going to be the one who makes her suffer. not going to be the one who teaches her a lesson. im just mad i have to suffer all the pain and consequences and she goes along on her stupid idiot awful horrible person way. karma is not a bitch. karma lets her get away with bad karma.

Welp applied to 3 shitty jobs today hahaha. good for me.

i hate that my life has been turned COMPLETELY UPSIDE DOWN and hers, nothing, just stays on the same steady even keel, and going steadily UP UP UP!!!!!

And I know she’s quit jobs before when she was younger because emotions!!!! ragequit or despairquit or emotionquit just like I did here. I can secretly hope she emotionquits this job too. maybe she already did hahahahaha. good. keep smoking weed and choosing shitty men, idiot whore.

it’s like the good LORD BUILT women to be whores! and we can’t hate someone for doing their GOD-GIVEN PURPOSE!!!!!

No, GOD did not design women to be TRAITOR WHORES.  He designed them to use their Great Power with Great Responsibility. You get One Good Chance to pick a Good Man who can take care of you for life. you don’t get to make a TRAITOROUS WHORISH MOCKERY of that Choice. GOD has given you ONE good chance. any more than that and you are spitting in his face. choose a good man at a young age, get married young, move from your father’s house to your husband’s house, and start having children. then by the time you are 28 you will have 3 children and be a mature, sweet, caring, devoted, loyal, loving, yet also a mature and sensible and non batshit crazy woman. A trustworthy adult woman with a good head and a good heart.

hehehehe yes that WHOLE PARAGRAPH was worth bolding.

god damn. if she were a horrible slut this would be EASIER. easier to hate her and call her a dirty mudshark whore. but she never was a whore. she was a good person doing a cowardly but not evil thing that just happened to hurt me greatly, mainly because of my own investment.

god bless the people at Despair Forum (see links on side). I have been posting there like a madman, several posts a day, they have been liking the posts and giving me Rep.

ok it makes SENSE for women to be attracted to the strong man. to prefer rapists over racists. to prefer strong outgroup men to weak ingroup men. Because women NEED protection so NATURALLY they are attracted to pure, raw, brute STRENGTH.

I WISH they were more faithful to their ingroup…….but they are only faithful to STRENGTH.

plus i think once you lock down a woman and put a few babies in her, she will be more faithful to the ingroup.

it’s just like how men are attracted to young, fertile, innocent women. women are attracted to STRONG men. period.

i figure the analogy to a woman being a dirty slut, is a man being a pathetic porn watcher. it’s a way of chipping away at your own soul and dignity in the name of short-term sexual thrills.

but i think being a SLUT is of course WORSE, because you’re letting actual guys defile you. with omegas jerking to porn, they only hurt themselves, and I don’t think they desensitise themselves to real sex with real women, or love for that matter. but they’re just too weak and pvssy to actually get it, because their confidence is gone.

i mean yeah cuddling with a qt gurl is 600000000000000000 times better than the “hottest” porno.

I used to struggle with making fast decisions under pressure. I would often choke and get flustered and this would impact my critical thinking skills and communication skills. I overcame this shortcoming by constantly getting out of my comfort zone and putting myself in unique, unexpected, uncomfortable situations, where I essentially had to learn to swim, or sink. After some practice, I was able to “swim” much better, communicate much more confidently, and resolve issues more quickly.

more bullshit inmuh interview file hahaha. This is over 8 hours long. of me rambling manager type bullshit.

oh fook i just looked HER up in resumes on indeed.com. found her. nothing there, not updated since 2012 hahahaha what a moron whore. keep making 15 DAH while I struggle to make 12 DAH hahahaha. fooking traitor bitch. hahaha.

no i dont really HATE her, i LOVE her and want to be with her for the rest of my life. even though i havent contact her in 228 days, i still want only her and no one else, i want to marry her and luv her 4ever hahaha. but since i cant have her, then i say these hateful things to try to force myself to STOP LOVING HER.

apr 2

yeah i just dont WANT to meet anybody new, i still want HER. it wouldn’t be FAIR to anybody else I met on i dunno a dating site. i dont want to date anyone but her. maybe some casual sex hahaha. i guess this is why everyone on dating sites just has casual sex. like her on her damn dating site like a traitorous whore hahahaha. looking for some casual dick. its not like she can get pregnant or anything. and if she does, she can just get an abortion. no big deal.

what business of yours is it what i do with MY body? its not like you can get diseases from me because of the Other Guys I’m fooking and not telling you about!

common filth hahahaha.

who unfriends someone you’ve been friends with for 2.7 years? that you see every day? that you havent had a big argument with yet? that you still go through the motions of niceness with? you unfriend a long term friend that you see every day? you think hes NOT gonna notice? you think he’s not gonna be upset?

how about you send a little one paragraph message abotu WHY youre unfriending. thats what I would have done. ohh noooo but that would involve one paragraph of communication.

you only unfriend very loose acquaintances that you havent seen in years. you don’t EVER unfriend someone you were a GOOD FRIEND for YEARS, even if you’re not so close any more.

i found on my google drive a college transcript from a young man I briefly worked with in like 2011 or 2012. he was a decent young man who worked hard and deserved good things, including a good wife, a good job, a good life. i would always stealthfully copy peoples transcripts, cover letters, resumes, sometimes college papers, that they would leave on the workplace computers and forget about. i saved them on my google drive where they will remain till the end of time.

he had an associates degree from a technical college that advertises ridic stories of success on tv. like 76 credits that probably cost 35 grand. he left our job to take a 10 dah job at home depot in a “ghetto” area where robberies and shootings in the parking lot are not uncommon.

he was a good guy who was not afraid to Pay His Dues, in fact, he had done too much of this. he was a gentle soul who was very into enjoying and making music but he was not a degenerate like most musicians. we talked about music and artsy movies. i hope he found a good job and a good woman, but I fear he would not be perceived as Masculine and Strong enough by  Women.

anyway i say this because I was trying to find my college transcript among 100000000 job search related files. searching for files called transcript and one of them was this one i was not expecting, did not even know I had.

this was to apply for a 10 dah part time job at the former workplace where I could never get a FT job. but the workplace itself was chill and laid back and a good place to Work. would be even better if I could get a FT job. but they are all HIDDEN in secret private pools that only Popular People know about. the FT jobs pay allright but the PT jobs pay garbage and you need an official bachelors degree transcript to get a 10 dah job hahahaha.

yet SHE only has a lousy ASSOCIATES degree in like general studies and she makes 15 DAH!!!!! and will get a .25 cent raise every year hahahaha! she could theoretically live in her own place and have kidz!!!!! be an independent adult at age 25!!! something I have never been able to do at age 30+!!!!

she thinks shes so much BETTER than me because she can start a 5 year relship at like age 19 and have an adult job at age 25!!!! oh so much BETTER!!!!

no she doesnt think like that at all, that’s all on me. she has very very first level, dull female thinking. like UGH this is WEIRD. i’m done with this. this makes me feel good. that makes me feel WEIRD. let’s parrot this shit i read on the internet. i’m surprised she was able to get like a 3.8 gpa for her associates degree. she mispells shit all the time and is a horrible writer and thinker. maybe she is smarter than she seems but i am surprised she can even do her job.

i wish she had more COURAGE ?!?!?!?!?!?!?! It’s not the womans JOB to have COURAGE. MEN are the COURAGEOUS sex. Women don’t HAVE courage, can’t be EXPECTED. That’s an unrealistic expectation to put on her!

Well it IS the woman’s job to provide warmth and love and mercy and kindness.

But not when it involves COURAGE, and not when it involves a Supplicating Beta you feel Withering Contempt for.

but yeah i just don’t see ever getting along with a woman than well again, and LUVING a woman that much ever again.

and I don’t really want to get married and have keeeidz with a woman I don’t luv.

but i do want to get married and especially have keeids.

and i wanted to do that with her, not some other random woman.

yeah its a lot to ask. but a LITTLE mercy is not a lot to ask for.

hehehe dont you CARE what HAPPENED to me? where’d I GO? what am I doing now? our friendship was such that those things would be very relevant and important. things that friends are supposed to care about about each other.

so yeah at this point i would have casual sex if the opportunity presented itself. but as i was boning the gurl,  i would say, dont expect anything out of this, this is strictly casual, im not interested in dating ANYONE right now, not you, not anyone. also i would never date a woman that degrades herself like this. decent women dont DO this. you’re a whore hahahaha. whores are not for dating. they are only for fooking. its really kind of sad. in the past a man would just go to an official whore. now regualr women are giving themselves away and acting as unofficial whores.  playing the role whores once did. its SAD.  i would gladly turn down casual sex in a world without these kind of women, offering casual sex. but you offer up casual sex once, and you’re done as a good woman. the LORD has only given you ONE chance. CHOOSE WISELY.

i didnt expect her to unfriend me like that! i didnt expect her to BLOCK me! at least scream at me and say FOOK YOU CREEPER WEIRDO, WE’RE DONE!!! and THEN unfriend and block me! when you make small talk with me and say of course we’ll hang out some day and you’re a good friend, that is MIXED SIGNALS! that doesnt add up with sudden unfriending and blocking!!!!!

i watched the big lebowski on tv last night and while it is indeed a hilarious and classic movie, and brought me a lot of youthful nostalgia, it’s also more degenerate than it should be. namely the Dude is a degenerate lazy bum and this lifestyle should not be glorified. so what if he’s basically a good guy. he’s not good ENOUGH. and the most important thing he did in his life was be a hardcore marxist agitator? this is not good at all. that’s what i mean. and also the idea of the stronk independent feminist woman maude who wants to be a single mother with the dudes sperm, and he’s ok with that too. ok whatever maaannn. just give me more weed and alcohol hahahaha.

it is a truly funny and classic movie though and i wouldnt mind a sequel. really the best part is john goodman, they could theoretically make a movie with him as the star and the dude as his sidekick.

and both men would find true redemption. the dude would stop being a loser who’s CONTENT in his loserness; and walter would get over his jooish bitch ex wife and find a better wife and have children. and also the dude would find a good woman, and maude would never get pregnant, and the dude would have children with a decent woman. maybe him and walter could start a business and then they could make money to raise their children.

me Unpozzing Pozzed movies hahaha.

also it would just be even SADDER to see the dude continuing that lifestyle at age 65 or howeever old jeff bridges is now. that would actually be an important lesson. see a sad old 65 year old bum, alone, no wife, no children, smoking weed alone as a wrinkled old man alone with no family. that would be the beginning of the movie. over the course of it, old dude and walter could redeem themselves.

also the dude could official renounce his leftism in the past and say yeah i was stupid and wrong. I would never do that now. here’s a statement to refute and renounce the port huron statement. some of the stupid stoners watching this movie wont even get that. other middle class collegefags WILL get it and LOVE it. only a tiny minority, such as moi, will get it and say NO. REMOVE DEGENERACY. INTO THE OVEN.

i mean cohen brothers movies always work on two or more levels and they are pseudointellectual j’s of the highest order. their verbal iq is very high and they write very very good dialogue though.

anyway. if i were an unstable emotional wreck, i might come to the wrong conclusion that its a bad, horrible thing to get feelings for somebody. that when you get feelings for someone, you are betraying and hurting them, and you should never get feelings. this is why decent women don’t try to shame you for the feelings. they don’t add insult to injury. they say AWWW!! IM SORRY!!!! YOUR A REAL GOOD GUY!!! REAL SWEET GUY!!! YOUL FIND SOMEONE SOMEDAY!!!!!!

nope. couldn’t even do that.

shit i wish if it were just a matter of courage, she could just send her MOM to do her dirty work. have her mom send me a message on her behalf. i would have totally accepted that. it would have meant she KNEW what she was doing was cowardly and that she INTENDED to show me some mercy, that she didn’t INTEND to throw me away. would shed some light on her actual intentions.

but noooooooooooo.

hey I explained MY intentions at LENGTH. I wrote a damn BOOK on my intentions and sent it to her and she prob never even read it, just threw it away like she threw me away.

and its so painful because we had such a good, real, serious, honest, beautiful thing for 2.7 years. that got cancer and died over the course of the last 10 months.

shit. i just wish she had DONE BETTER. so DISAPPOINTING. she was capable of SO MUCH MORE. she COULD HAVE been nice. i’m not asking for her to luv me. I’m asking for her to show a tiny bit of kindness when she kills the relship. not asking for luv. i know you cant ask for that. you CAN ask for kindness and respect and maybe courage though.

i couldnt ask her to luv me, but i damn well can ask her to DO BETTER. just do better with this situation. I didn’t deserve this and you know me better than to treat me like this.

but i forgive you for you cowardice. i know you are an avoider and you avoid shit and dont have the courage to do whats right sometimes, and just run away. i will survive and you probabyl didnt intend all this pain. i just want you still hahahah 8 months later. and i dont want anyone else.

have lost like 1 pound over the last month. average of 1100 calories a day. wtf. it HAS to be because of building muscle. its still not great to be like 5 pounds over what you thought you would be by now.

unbelievable. this situation is a lot more unbelievable than any other dumping. now I am just shaking my head and saying I CANT BELIEVE IT. I CANT BELIEVE IT. more than I ever did then. then I was like YOU FOOKING WHORE! YOU FOOKING TRAITOROUS WHORE!! HOW DARE YOU!!!! I accepted it quickly and went quickly to the anger phase. Not so much here. I still get angry of course but it seems more forced. I call her a fookin whore but I know she’s not really, she’s just a coward. can you really expect a woman to be more than a coward? more than immature? no really. but you sure CAN expect them to not be whore. just close your legs and stop taking dicks. simple. easy.

really asking them to not be a coward is to hold them to a higher standard. that i wouldnt even ask for random whores. but she wasnt a random whore! she was a good woman and my friend for 2.7 years hahaha 2.7 years!

oh they’re going to K that poor woman, no way dude, she kidnapped herself, these are a bunch of fookin amateurs.

Couldnt you just write me an email or talk to me before unfriending me, blocking me, ignoring me, and never talking to me ever again???!?!?!?!?! REALLY??!?!?!?!? Couldn’t you do just a LITTLE bit?!?!?!?!

Bbbbut maybe I was THAT BAD and dont even REALIZE it.

No I was a little bad but not NEARLY THAT bad.

bbbbut what if she DID talk to me! I would still be begging her and Nice Guying her!

ORRRR I could have been just be straight up and honest, same way I was in those Final Emails I wrote her!!!!

I dont WANT to MANIPULATE women!

I just hate getting dumped though!!!

so i had a choice: if she wasn’t horrible, then I must be horrible. I wasn’t willign to think of her capable of doing something horrible. therefore that leaves us with only one answer.

but that is wrong because she IS capable of doing something horrible, plus this isnt horrible per se, but just cowardly, and she’s CERTAINLY capable of that.

wow 7 long posts in 1 day on despair forums. i am quickly becoming Poster of the Month hahahaha. I am a lot more comfortable posting here than on TRS forum, which is a great forum, but you have to work SO HARD for upvotes, and everyone is a bigass winner at life. and even their shitposting is better and funnier than your effortposting. on DF i can shitpost and its as good as other peoples effortposting hahahahaha. no they are good peopel though.

i have some good posts now that are actually pretty relevant to this blog. cuz DF is probably more relevant to this blog than say TRS.

anyway i am perhaps more positive and constructive when i am talking to other people and directly talking to my audience hahaha. and this stuff here is a lot less focused. and probably more negative.

\apr 3

mainly i am responding to topics by men like me, near-30-year old losers who have huge trouble getting a job, keeping a job, meeting women, keeping the interest of women, just real neetlike r9k type men such as myself. men who want the “modest” goals of a job and a woman but seem unable to do them.

well, recall only 40% of men reproduce, while 80% of women do. most men DON’T have children. think about that one for a while hahaha. and i wonder if half those men who do reproduce are r-selected deadbeats fooking anything that moves, and abandoning their children.

maybe those of us lucky enough to grow up in good families were naive enough to just ASSUME that we’d be able to have a family like that of our own someday. that we too would have a decent job, meet a decent woman, and have a decent family.

so this mudslim umar was famous for conquering a lot, including all of persia (sassanid empire) and is responsible for iran being muslim, and not zoroastrian, which they were before. (i am probably grossly oversimplifying.) this happened in the 600s AD. I thought, wait was islam even AROUND then? how does this make any sense? turns out it was. Umar was a contemporary of mohamed when he started islam in the early 600s. then apparently it EXPLODED LIKE WILDFIRE and by the mid to late 600s muslims had conquered the whole iranian empire. within like 50 damn years.

therefore, within 50 years, all of europe could be muslim hahahahahahahahhahaha.

again i am probably oversimplifying according to my own anti-muslim and anti-arab bias. i would have to choose the persians over the arabs every time.  but since the iranians have be “arabicized” and “muslimized” I guess they have been brought down to that shittier level hahaha. so how iranian are the iranians in 2016? what is the blood and race like? that matters more to me than a religion. but religion and race can have a lot of overlap: convert nonarabs to shitty arab religion. rape the shit out of of nonarabs and make their race more arab.

how arab are turks? I thought the ethinc groups were pretty separate. why didnt the arabs rape the turks? how much did the arabs rape the persians?

google how to be TOUGH at work

http://www.jongordon.com/blog/20-ways-to-get-mentally-tough-at-work-in-sports-and-life/

shitty article filled with great, interview-worthy cliches, by tough GOD-fearing entrepreneur

http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Tough

https://www.psychologies.co.uk/work/why-it-pays-to-be-tough-at-work.html

emotional intelligence is a myth, you need REAL intelligence and to be tough. article for sensitive leaning in women to become more tough and narcissistic hahaha

http://www.earlytorise.com/more-on-being-tough-and-ruthless/

http://jamesclear.com/mental-toughness

mental toughness. GRIT.  TRUE GRIT hahahaha.

yep it really is the most important thing. better make up a lie in my interview file how I developed this. even though I didnt; even though i became LESS mentally tough and broke down because of a BITCH. hahahaha.

I used to struggle with being tough-minded at work. It’s universally recognized that mental toughness or grit is one of the most important and valuable attributes a person can have. You have to be able to make tough decisions, and deliver quality work in tough situations. I was too emotionally sensitive in the past, and I was able to gradually train myself to be more tough. This resulted in better performance at work, and I was able to add more value when I became better at detaching emotions and thinking with cold, clear logic. To handle tough conversations and tough tasks without backing down in fear.

hehe but none of those articles tells you how to actually be more tough. they all essentially are circular, saying become more tough by being tougher. go with the flow. just don’t get flustered. yeah well if i knew how to do that, i wouldnt be reading your article, you fookin asshole hahahaha.  dumb bastard.

https://www.themuse.com/advice/your-5step-formula-to-having-a-difficult-conversation-at-workand-coming-out-ahead

https://www.themuse.com/advice/7-steps-to-avoid-crying-in-the-workplace

hahahahahaha

http://thewaytosayit.com/2013/09/right-words-to-start-tough-conversations/

no, im not looking for inspirational quotes to help you get through tough times. I’m looking for the ACTUAL PHRASES YOU SAY when you are trying to BE tough. TOugh Phrases that Get Results.

GIVE ME THE WORDS TO SAY. just give me a brief sentence to start me off. say it like THIS: “We need to talk. This behavior is unacceptable. It’s up to you. You change this, or this will happen. You dont have to like it. it is what it is. do this or youre fired. here’s your explanation. There is no explanation. It doesn’t matter why. I don’t care why, and I’m telling you not to care why. Or youre off the team. You wanting an explanation is a sign of weakness, and if I weren’t so kind, I would mock you mercilessly for your inferiority. You want an EXPLANATION. You want to know WHY. Get the fook outta here, ya fairy. ya fookin CHILD. ”

just channel donald trump doing glengarry glenross at ALL times hahaha. that is how you be tough.

http://blog.gojobhero.com/10-replacement-phrases-for-tough-things-to-say-in-a-job-interview/

http://thewaytosayit.com/category/dreaded-conversations/

QUOTE:

In each case somebody wonders what changed. What happened? What should I do? In time, most people move on and let go, but until they do, it’s confusing, painful and stressful.

don’t say nothingAnd it’s all because we’re afraid to face tough conversations. We’re afraid to “just say it.” Usually the excuse is we don’t want to create hurt feelings. But, usually, the truth is we don’t know how to say what needs to be said and we just don’t want to feel so uncomfortable.

What strikes me as so ironic is that when we avoid the conversation to avoid hurting feelings, the other person is hurt anyway. They don’t know what to think. They have no closure or explanation, and there’s no opportunity to learn to avoid a similar situation in the future.

Skipping a difficult conversation does not spare feelings! It does not avoid hurt. It simply avoids your discomfort. Take a stroll down memory lane in your life. What challenging conversations have you skipped to avoid hurting someone, or to avoid your own awkwardness.

END

heheh that is more meant for HER totally ignoring ME haha.

google what to say when there is no explanation.

“THERE IS NO EXPLANATION. IT IS WHAT IT IS. YOU DONT HAVE TO LIKE IT.”

IT IS WHAT IT IS.

This is EXACTLY why “IT IS WHAT IT IS” is SUCH a popular phrase on the job. Because there are SO many things that are unexplainable, and it’s not WORTH it to figure out WHY. WHY becomes a Money Pit.

that blog has some great points and some good sample phrases….but not enough sample phrases. the most important thing is to have TONS of sample phrases, so you have something to actually say. don’t give a 50 item list of things NOT to do. just give me ONE thing TO do. damn.

http://blog.gojobhero.com/11-things-you-should-never-say-in-an-interview/

dont say these things! well what SHOULD i say then, if apparently everything i do say is wrong. well just say nothing. nope thats wrong too.

SHE doesnt DESERVE to make 15 DAH or MORE! She doesnt DESERVE respect on the job!!!! She is a TERRIBLE COMMUNICATOR, and she is NOT TOUGH, and she is a terrible problem solver!!!!!! she deserves to make min wage the rest of her life!!!! she has NO skills WHATSOEVER!!!!! she is WORTHLESS!!!!!!!

when the sad thing is, women shouldnt even NEED to work. Their natural job of having babies and raising them is important enough. they shouldn’t be competing with men for jobs. I blame the J’s hahahahahaha.

In the fallen degen world, men DO need to compete with women for jobs. and it just adds INSULT TO INJURY that she can reject me as a person, and essentially Outcompete me on the Job. Be the Victor to me on all fronts. Better than me as a person, better than me at the job. Higher Value person. Smiting the weak.

really its just insult to injury. we weren’t fighting or competing with each other. well i guess we WERE fighting each other. the winner gets to do what they want with the relship. I wanted to keep it. she wanted to end it. she won. she ended it.

http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/explanations

http://www.cloudwater.org/uploads/text%20files/No%20Explanation.pdf

google what to say when there is no explanation

i understand the need for explanations. explanations are usually a GOOD thing! but sometimes its just a LUXURY we cant AFFORD. or it just doesnt EXIST. and it costs too much MONEY to try to find an explanation.

there should be an entire class in high school on how to bullshit your way when there is no explanation.

there should be an entire class in high school on being tough under pressure.

and you actually practice these skills every day in the classes.

“Explanations are for cowards.”
― J. Ross Clara, Citations: A Brief Anthology

thats a good one. it shames you for even WANTING an explanation.

well i would have liked an ATTEMPT at explanation by That Woman, but thats a much different issue than trying to explain stupid technical bullshit at my job!

just say, I can’t explain it to you because I don’t understand it myself. All I know is the answer is no. It is what it is. You don’t have to like it. We don’t have enough people who can explain it, to have you talk to somebody right now. The best I can do is have someone call you back within 72 hours. They’ll still say no, but they might have a better explanation.  More than likely you won’t like their explanation. The End. This conversation is over. If you continue to argue I will be forced to hang up on you to serve another client. Goodbye.

Then if you get scolded for hanging up, say your phone and computer rebooted suddenly. This used to happen to me all the time. Well, the computer wouldn’t reboot, but the phone call would DROP, the internet connection would be lost for about 10 seconds. Tell them THIS happened right when you explained nothing could be done, that the conversation was essentially over.

That would sometimes happen once or more a day. If you had a good handle on the call, you could call them back, and that was probably the policy. who knew the policy on anything. the policy is never written down, and it’s always changing. nobody knows what the current policy is, and there’s no place to look it up. because its not written down.

RIDE THE TIGER.

Well exactly how does one simply ride the tiger? or “go with the flow”?

that dumb bitch always used to tell me to GO WITH THE FLOW. hahahaha. I dont want to go with the flow, i wanted to answer their questions and understand shit. in the end she was right and i was wrong. explanations are just bullshit anyway. so just give them bullshit and go with the flow.

doesnt mean she’s entitled to throw me away like a piece of garbage and to never face consequences for her hurtful actions. i hope karma gets her one day hahahahahaha. have a fooking black bastard baby bitch hahaha.

http://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/there-is-no-closure-with-narcissists/

no she is not a narcissist, but she did something that narcissists often do. and so this article is still very relevant. hell she MIGHT AS WELL have been a narcissist because this is a very narcissistic thing to do. Who cares if she really was a narcissist or not. This was the one thing that I will remember her by, and it was narciss as fook.

http://www.phillymag.com/news/2015/06/01/millennials-sex-studies/

suggests that millennials are not as big promiscuous sluts as gen x or baby boomer. that half of all people currently in their 20s have not had Sechs in the past year.

hahahaha what about the past 10 years hahahaha. oh wait, i am not in my twenties any more hahahahahahaha.

some great arguments in the comments by millennial hating genxers and boomers. I would take the side of the millennials in this debate hahaha.

heh when I look at jobs, I get mad at HER, that CVNT, that she is still working the job, making 15 DAH, not going crazy, doing better than me, would never date a loser like me. fook that cvnt. that cvnt can get cvnt c4ncer. fook her. i would rather have casual sex with fooking whores and if they get preggers they can get a fooking abortion, it aint my kid bitch hahahaha. hey they WANT to take LOTS of dicks, so they can take mine too. And I will gladly treat them like the PIGS they treat THEMSELVES like!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TREAT THEM LIKE THEY WANT TO BE TREATED!!! LIKE PIGS!!!!!  while that CVNT continues to make 15 DAH and she’s not tough under pressure! she can’t solve problems! She cant communicate with people!!!! she’s an IDIOT!!!! in an ideal world, she would be at home making white babies. not taking a 15 dahj away from a MAN who could use the money to support HIS white babies. fooking. CVNT.

our level 1’s got paid more than some companies level 2’s. this is because our shit was HARD and COMPLICATED as FOOK. We STILL didnt get paid enough IMHO. i hate that she, someone DUMBER than me, could have such an EASY time with something I found so HARD. It implies that she is smarter than me. When I am most assuredly WAY SMARTER than her! she came across as a stoned cow homer simpson dense dim dull dim bulb dull knife! how the FOOK could SHE explain anything? she cant even tell me why shes dumping me after 2.7 years, you think she can tell the office manager why the bla bla system is fooked up???!?!?!?!? FOOK NO!!!! FOOK HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how to train yourself to use the complicated and controversial healthcare software Epic EMR

I dunno! just google shit and teach yourself! and read the many reviews from nurses and other Practicioners saying this program sucks and my patients suffer directly because of it, but the fat cats at Epic dont care, they just want to ride the gravy train and keep scamming people with their lies and shitty product hahahahaha.  they dont give a damn about patients or helping people. they just want to milk this cash cow for all its worth and build another rock wall and gym at their corporate HQ hahahahaha while the people who have to use it, suffer, and their patients suffer.

hmm i cant imagine a company would ever work like that! hahaha

http://venturebeat.com/2014/12/08/saying-epic-is-a-closed-health-records-system-is-an-oversimplification/

basically YOU have to get used to SCREWING people you are “supposed” to be helping or supporting. customers, clients, field staff, their customers. sorry nothing we can do here. no explanation either. explanations are for COWARDS. just can’t do it. don’t know why, don’t care. so you care. not my problem, man.

were not here to FIX PROBLEMS, we’re here to scam you or just tell you shits not gonna GET fixed. neeeexxxxtttt! nope cant help you. wont be fixed. NEXT! nope cant be fixed NEXT! nope it is what it is NEXT! what am i supposed to tell my patients? dont care not my problem NEXT!!!!!

really to be on either side of that conversation sucks. i don’t know which one sucks more.

people don’t give you shitty service because they’re dumb or lazy or assholes or they don’t want to. they WANT to help you, they just don’t KNOW how, and they have no one who can help them. it is literally the blind leading the blind. but you don’t believe the person leading you is blind. but they damn well are. believe it.

they’d LIKE to help you….but they CAN’T. and then after years of working that job, they soul gets eaten away, and then they don’t care about helping you. jobs turn nice people into assholes. and then they give that shit back to their family and children, like the korean human centipede hahahah . everyone is shitting on everyone underneath them all the time, and the people at the very bottom get ALL the shit from EVERYBODY above them.

you are acutely aware of the Power Pyramid every second of every day.

how come school doesnt teach you how to deal with THIS hahahaha

well i applied for a lab asst job at the same hospital that gave the 111 question personality test, apparently you only have to answer that test once. good because it was phaggy, bad because what if i screwed up the first and only time. I think i did pretty good, told them some pretty good lies hahahaha.  and the lab asst job says something like experience with EPIC preferred. just says EPIC. doesnt say “Epic-EMR” or “Epic software” or anything. so I assumed it was a piece of software and googled epic software and indeed it is a hugely used EMR program. if this ISNT what they’re referring to, i’d be VERY surprised. for a god damn 10 DAHJ when that bitch is making 15 hahaha.

bitch.

disgusting cvm-belching cvnt.

i don’t really believe those things, i am just hurt by what she did. I am ENTITLED TO MY FEEEEELINGS!!!!!

http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2015/10/epic-systems-judith-faulkner-hitech-ehr-interoperability

mother jones is a leftist babykiller white hating marxist commie source, but i guess i agree with commies on Stopping Corporate Greed hahahaha. just stop SCAMMING people. don’t be JOOISH. It’s not the White Way to do things to maximize MONEY. we do the RIGHT thing.

we dont find legal loopholes so we can laugh all the way to the bank. GOTCHA!!! That is a VERY jooish thing to do.

fook. i am hurt more by the situation with HER, than she was “heartbroken” when her sleazy short term BF cheated on her. She was upset for a while but I bet she’s over that by now, fooking new guys like a damn easy to fook whore. way to be a woman. if you get preggers, just get an abortion. if you get a disease, just blame the guy and continue fooking raw dog. fooking disgusting whore. to think i wanted to marry her and have children wtih her!!!!! no joke.

shit i can’t bullshit very well but i can bullshit a lot better than HER!!!!!

yes you SHOULD be proud of being able to bullshit on your feet because its an important life skill that separates the winners from the losers in life. and she doesnt have it. i dont really have it either, but Im way better than her. the only reason she can even have relationships with people is because she has a cvnt. i feel sorry for her future children. unless she aborts them all hahahahaha. then i still feel sorry for those innocent lives murdered.

fooking murderous traitorous bloodthirsty bitch hahahaha. what is she like elizabeth bathory, bathing in blood or some shit? NO thats not sexy, it’s horrific! its EVIL! EVIL IS REAL!!!!!

I CANT BELIEVE IT. I didn’t think she was capable of doing this TO ME!!! we had a Special Relationship!

shit. i bet she talked to that GUY when she dumped HIM! screamed at him even! you could talk to a cheater who hurt you but you cant talk to me???!?!?! Didn’t you know me LONGER than him??!?!?!?!?!

hehehehe i REALLY didnt need this in my life. I wish I had never met her. what the FOOK was the good LORD trying to teach me by CURSING me with the curse of HER? was it just another PUNISHMENT, like my damn stupid job? well both those punishments are OVER, thank god. maybe that’s the gift GOD is trying to give me. releasing me from TWO punishments at once. yeah.

see thats the kind of creativity we need.

we losers can so easily think of creative huge arguments as to why we shouldnt do something good, talk ourselves out of good things. when if we used that same energy for good, we might be able to eventually pull ourselves out of this muck.

ok so i thought she was initally a huge blessing, a gift from GOD, but she turned out to be a PUNISHMENT. so I should be glad the punishment is over.

well, part of the punishment is living WITHOUT her. her dumping me IS the punishment.

so I would rather have her in my life, but have her reject me?

no, i just wanted her to be a little NICER when she rejected me!

how hard is it to NOT add INSULT to INJURY?

i wish she WAS (were) a horrible person beause then this would MAKE MORE SENSE. make it easier for me to make muh own closure. come to terms with it. explain it. understand it.  but she’s actually a bueaituful kind person with a very good heart and I wanted to spend muh life with her wawaawaawawawawawawawawawawawaw

fook yeah its my business who you fook, because I DONT WANT TO GET A DISEASE FROM YOU. I DONT TRUST YOU TO NOT HAVE DISEASES BECAUSE YOU FOOK TOO MANY PEOPLE, LIKE THE DAMN DIRTY WH0RE YOU ARE!!!!!

But speaking truth like this gets you called a butthurt needledick woman hater. cuz you dont want to get grids off some damn walking disease factory.

when women are just as debased and disgusting and degenerate as standard fook party gay men. WHAT A WORLD!!!!!

but SHE’s not a damn dirty whore though. she just doesnt like me, and doesnt have any interest in doing the right thing regarding me. i dont know. i just want her to know that this sucks. that you shouldnt do this to people. but is that really my job to teach her? isnt’ that her FAMILYS job to teach her? and i think they DID. I think even her mother would be able to teach her that. at this point the responsibility is all on her. and she totally dropped the ball. but it sucks that she doesnt get any consequences for that.

but plenty of people have done bad things and GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT.

 

BIG GUY 4U / MOONMAN / MAYMAYZ

1126

welp had a bit of nyquil yesterday which makes my mind foggy which is good cuz it keeps me from thinking about THAT PERSON so much. still didnt sleep great tho.

she didnt have to HATE me that much! why would you HATE me that much for getting feelings? i could see getting a little annoyed or awkward, but not THAT much.

it’s On Her, the way she reacted and treated me. if i had a friend get feelings for me, i would have reacted and treated them MUCH DIFFERENTLY. i would have tried NOT to hurt them, and i wouldnt HATE them for their feelings.

you think they CHOSE this? you think they wouldnt TURN IT OFF IF THEY COULD? these feelings are causing them a WORLD OF PAIN! of COURSHE they would turn them off!!!!!!!

i was hoping she would contact me around thanksgiving but nothing yet hahahaha. OF COURSHE shes not going to contact me.

(i am finally studying the “bane meme” which revolves all around the ridiculous opening scene of dark knight rises and the exchange between bane and “CIA”, and how this turned into a  ridiculous meme of “baneposting”, with the CIA guy becoming kind of a side meme to that, and when people say this is stupid, others respond with “SOMEBODY GET THIS HOTHEAD OUTTA HERE” which is a line from a different scene in the movie not even involving bane.)

the movie was worth watching once, bane was the best part of it, and now i would just rather watch the bane scenes in light of this ridiculous meme, than watch the whole movie. these virgins will make a meme out of ANYTHING and I cant really explain why this one works, maybe because bane is a great character and a great performance by tom hardy.

honestly. she didnt NEED to be that mean, so when she WAS that mean, i automatically thought i DESERVED it. it must have been something i did. when in this case it speaks more about HER than about ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

but yeah i hate not being TOUGH. i would love to be more TOUGH. handle TOUGH situations in work, life, women. and not break down and give up like Nietzsches Last Man. Soft and weak and not at all tough. just a sheep/cattle worthy of fatting up and execution for the Strong Slavemasters.

yeah. some days it can be real hard to stop blaming myself and just believe that I DIDNT DESERVE THIS, and that she was out of line, that i did NOT bring this on myself.

maybe she SABOTAGES good rels.

maybe she PICKS (CHOOSES) the WRONG men.

she could have chosen me……..but i really would have been too GOOD for her.

she was with the one guy for 4 or 5 years, but i have no idea what that was like. he didnt cheat on her, but i get the sense he was cold and distant. but he stayed with her though. he could have just dumped her and never talked to her again hahahaha. well maybe he wasnt always cold and distant. but she seemed to be doing most of the work, to be more invested, just like i was way more invested in her than she was in me.

i dunno. i have just been never treated like this by someone i liked so much. i knew she didnt like like me, but i didnt think she would do THIS. even if it is the Logical COnclusion of Being Distant. you can be distant and still write an email.

you can be distant and still write a final email before cutting all ties.

i dont understand how so many people can Still Be Friends with people they dated. arent they angry about getting dumped and always scheming to get back together with them? and that person is a constant reminder of pain, of a Luv You cannot have, who does not want you? this must happen only in rels where the ending is Mutual. damn that must be nice!

i dunno i just hate getting older and still failing and failing. not even getting a LITTLE success. or when i do, it ALL goes away in the worst way. it was very nice to have a young nice decent female friend. hadnt been that close to a woman in years. and she was young, purty, and not a slut. NO SURPRISE then that i eventually got feelings for her! what IS surprising is i didnt get feelings SOONER, but i really think her long term rel helped keep those in check. but when that rel ended, all bets were off. so yeah me getting feelings is certainly not a BETRAYAL! she should understand that.

she used to be nice to me. she used to text ME. she used to ask to hang out with ME. she used to smile at ME. god damn it was so nice to have a female friend that did that. i am one of those men who feels a kind of CALLING to be with women. i have this primordial natural urge to be paired up with a woman.  not just any woman, but a woman i cared for.

i was worried that if she can do a 180 on me, so could any woman. but she didnt really do a 180. it was more like a 1. it was NOT super surprising given how distant she was being. it was also not surprising that i didnt want to believe that horrific reality, and that i believed her at face value when she kept saying we’ll hang out soon.

yeah so her saying that shit while acting extremely dstant was technically MIXED SIGNALS. i should have been smart enough to beleive what she DID not what she SAID, but being in LUV makes you do stupid things like quit your job hahahaha.

there is a this racist meme called moonman which takes a mcdonalds thing from the 90s and has turned into a moonman who makes extremely racist rap songs hahahaha and the kids on youtube love it, but the SJW fags keep SHUTTING IT DOWN, but moonman has such grassroots support that people keep him alive. this is great imho. people not afriad to be racist is making a comeback in 2015 (IN THE CURRENT YEAR hahahaha) and i this 2016 its gonna turn the tide and we will make definite progress against the pc police. simply because normal people just cant take this bullshit any more. youtube taking down moonman, soundcloud shutting down the daily shoah. the sleeping giant awakens hahahaha.

there is like 3 albums worth of racist songs that have popped up in the past 6 months. there is great shit HAPPENING out there and i cant even focus on it. this is the moment i have been waiting for, the racial awakening of the sleeping Goy! of course the paris attacks are part of it too.

oh god this moon man thing is GREAT, its too bad i have been so lost the past few months. oh noes i wish i had a nice female friend i could share memes with. i liked sending her pepes and funny pictures to make her laugh. i wanted to be there with her hanging out and make her laugh in person. nope. never happened. we used to hang out and then she stopped hanging out with me. what the fook.

its just fookin SO STUPID. shes a better person than that, she doesnt REALLY hate me that much, she doesnt KNOW WHAT SHES DOING, she is brainwashed or under some temporary Brain Fog and cant think straight, she is gonna be sorry she did this………this is my rationale for wanting to contact her.

but again she can contact me. the ball has never been in her court more. she dumped ME. she cut ME off. she wronged ME. she went off on ME. so its OBVIOUSLY her responsibility to contact ME if she ever wants to express remorse for what she did to ME, not ME to keep checking up on her every few months saying “hi there, ready to be friends again yet? ready to apologize yet?” COME ON.

but basically i dont need to worry about a woman ever doing this to me again, because i will be closely attuned to the WARNING SIGNS: basically, the woman being distant as hell for months. Then i will boldly say why u being so distant? because i keep trying to hang out with you but you keep blowing me off like a piece of shit? why do you keep blowing me off? because im weird. im weird because you are really fooking killing me! WE NEED TO TALK!!!!!! i have feelings for you. the end. take it or leave it but i cant take any more of this distant and never hanging out bullshit. i like you and want to be with you, now respond to THAT.

1127

yeah its worse than a death (have i said this yet) because you are saying you are important to me and i want you in my life! and they are saying fook you, you are not important to me, i don’t want you in my life at all, im done with you. they are choosing to be done with you becuase you are bad for them. this is not what happens when someone leaves your life thru death.

st petersburg was once known as petrograd and leningrad; however STALINgrad is not this city at ALL, stalingrad is now known as volgograd and is way south of moscow, on volga river, between ukraine and kazakhstan, and was the site of a big loss for germany/axis in ww2 who advanced on stalingrad and got destroyed. unfrotuantely hahahahahahahahaha

its kinda like the love of your life is taken away from you far too soon by a sudden car crash or something. except theyre not dying, they’re just choosing to throw you away.

google thrown away by wife

http://www.womansdivorce.com/thrown-away-like-yesterdays-trash.html

well alot of the time, its men being shitty and throwing their wives away

http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/troubled-marriage/saving-a-marriage/would-they-throw-away-22-years-of-marriage

has a born again religious aspect tho hahaha

google i feel thrown away

http://reydonstanford.com/id27.html

great article here/

”  The main reason rejection hurts is because is it a value issue. When we are rejected we feel like what we had to offer as a person has been studied, appraised and rejected as invaluable. This, in turn, can cause us to feel a variety of unpleasant emotions from anger, wrath, revengeful thinking, confusion, sadness and grief. It can leave us wondering what we did wrong, what we could have done to be better and a host of other unanswerable questions. It can also cause us to question our own self-worth, and in most cases…leave our self-esteem in tatters.   ”

all she had to do to not “THROW ME AWAY” was have some kind of communication with me about ending the rel. i knew ending the rel was very probable. when i wrote to her i said i kind of feel as if i have been thrown away, i know this is not your intention, but please respond so i dont feel thrown away so much. no response hahaha.

help me moonman hahahaha

oh god bless you moonman i think i found my next favorite meme next to pepe hahaha

http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=285132.0

people dealing with BORDERLINE spouses yikes. i dont think that person was borderline tho hahaha she just treated me like garbage, everyone else she is a SAINT to, and they cant beleive she was mean to me, well then i MUST deserve it.

she wasnt that selfish! she seemed super unselfish! i liked that about her! she didnt show those red flags of me me me me me.

http://reydonstanford.com/id45.html

letting go of lost love

i like this reydon stanford. terrible website design though. get a youtube channel buddy.

http://www.examiner.com/article/have-you-ever-been-thrown-away-like-garbage

yes i have. it was/is devastating and ruined my year hahahahaha and my life. i am really not resilient and tough enough to handle this right now.

romania and croatia fought on the side of the evil nazis in ww2.

switching back to tea. even weak ass coffee makes my “stomach hurt” ie makes me poop so much my bum hurts.

” Convincing people to “work” on relationships when their instincts tell them to leave is the hallmark of abusers. ” terrible comment on http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/05/before-you-throw-away-your-relationship-read-this/

welp looks like im an abuser then. cuz i was opposed to her Just Leave Instincts. because i wanted to talk and work on it. id like to see THIS person get thrown away. they sound like a textbook thrower awayer hahahaha.

well i think they mean is it a pattern. are they abusing you and telling you not to leave. i was not abusing her, i was just begging her to talk to me and not leave! i was begging her to just write me an email and not throw me away without one email!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

google good jobs for depressed people

google good jobs for losers

when i look at job postings i either think this job sucks even worse than the one i had, or, this job is obv wayyyyyyy above my pay grade, or both! and then i get lonely and despairing and wish i had a nice female friend who cared about me like she did at one time wawawawawaawawawawawa

probably the best thing would be really to focus my efforts on getting a temp job first so i can Build COnfidence.

she didnt care that i didnt have a great job!!!!!

she went out with guys who didnt have great jobs!!!!!!!

wawawawawawaw she was the perfect woman for me and now she is gone and i will never find a better woman and she got rid of me in the worst possible way wawaawawawaaw

why couldnt she have just written me an email? i dunno. cuz shes fooked up.

should i contact her asking for her to write me an email? OF COURSHE NOT, i already did that remember? and she never responded.

continuing to beg somebody please respond, please apologize to me……..it just looks like a shitty situation……because it really is. i mean if you have to explain that to yourself – why breaking no contact to ASK(beg) somebody for an apology you deserve is not going to get you anywhere – then you are obviously still, like me, in the woods of misery and desperate delusion and denial hahahaha.

But at the end of the day, I still lost someone who was very important to me, in a very painful way that is worse than death. that’s really all the explanation that is needed. of COURSHE its going to take a LONG time to get over.

TIL Kant was born and died in Konigsberg Prussia which is today Kaliningrad Russia which is a Russian Exclave on the baltic sea, between poland and lithuania.

i am more autistically interested in the geography and purely looking at maps than about kant per se. although i am interested in the history and geopolitical forces that created these borders and nations and who controlled what when. like for example the ottoman empire and when they temporarily controlled areas of europe, like hungary and ukraine and built mosques there. well, i dont know about ukraine, but definitely hungary for at least 50-100 years. did the turks mix with hungarians? the turks definitely seem to have mixed wiht albanians. what about bosnians? aren’t bosnians white? but they are muslim?!?!?!! white muslims in the balkans?!?!?! i blame the ottoman turks hahahaha.

or ethnicities that exist but dont really have their own country, like kurds or chechens or abkhaz hahaha.

oh GOD BLESS U MOONMAN, this might even overtake Pepe for meme of the year 2015.

so good, so gooooood, this is exactly what i need at this difficult time in my life. MOONMAN.

Moonman seems to be more antiblack than antijewish, but that’s ok. i am sure moonman could learn to hate j00s too. and kebabz hahahaha. muzzies.

this is the type of thing i want to share with muh closest friends. if i hadnt become Isolated from everyone while I became overly attached to HER, now SHE’s gone, i wish she were here so I could share this DANK MAYMAY with her, and she might even like it wawawaawawawawawawawaw

http://8ch.net/moonman/

http://8ch.net/kkkmoon/index.html

at least two “competing” moonman boards on 8chan.

RESOLVE COMPLEX PROBLEMS WITHOUT HELP

1110

whenever i get the urge to contact her, remember, she unfriended me FIRST (and with no accompanying message or explanation or reason why or clarifying thoughts. i was thinking of unfriending her but i would have sent a message saying don’t take this the wrong way, i don’t hate you.); AND she blocked me. meaning she did not want to have any communication NOW or in the FUTURE. so if she wants to open that up, SHE”s gotta be the one to do it. I have no power to come to her and apologize and beg her to change her mind. ive already apologized and begged all i can, and it didn’t get me anywhere. it might have made her more hateful of me.

yeah i was a bit weird and supplicating but i didn’t think it was fair for her to HATE me for it!

but this is how women were designed by nature! i cant have my cake and eat it too! i can be angry at them for defying nature, by acting like No Productive Cost Men, but i CANT be angry at them for being Super Contemptuous of Weak Supplicating Beta Men! this is just how women are wired!

well, woman 2012 dumped me in a much nicer way! so there!

but she was herself kinda weird?

well, woman2004 dumped me better?

but i was more alpha waaayyyyy back then?

see how i come up with excuses to NOT defend myself? this is some kind of distortion for sure.

but yeah i am angry. i had a decent paying job that i wanted to quit so bad but i FOUGHT my way through every day and survived and came out the other end. learned how to do a RIDICULOUS job without quitting. and then i got crazy because of a damn WOMAN and quit the job and ruin my own life because i can’t handle my emotions about WOMEN. and women do this kind of shit ALL THE TIME. it’s the MANS responsibility to learn how to deal with it. women are like fooking LAND MINES, ticking time bombs, stay the FOOK away from them because if you don’t know how to deal with them you can ruin your own life. you cant even blame them for being a bitch because many guys deal with it better.

well i shouldnt have fallen so deeply in luv with her to begin with. i should have always tried to MATCH her, but not go ABOVE that.

i should have obviously been a confident alpha male and talked her to directly when things started getting real weird, or just been SPINNING PLATES ie banging several broads at the same time like cool alpha men do.

it seems like a lot of work an effort, ie to actually spin a plate is not easy or fun, but i guess to these alpha males it must not be that hard, because the pros outweigh the cons, or else they wouldn’t keep doing it. and would just say fook this shit and quit. like i did for my job. but there the cons of working with HER outweighed the pros of me finally started to Turn The Tide in the Constant War of my job.

whenever i look at job postings im like “I COULDNT DO THIS. I CANT DO THIS.” i would be an impostor not knowing what i was doing, looking like an overwhelmed idiot, just like at my old job. and reading the damn postings my first thought is to cry like a bitch, because i cant handle or do basic entry-level jobs, i will never make 15dah like the kids many years younger than me, i wasted my whole 20s hahahahaha. with severe underemployment and even severer underwomen hahahaha. i was gonna say undersexed but i don’t really care about getting sex NEARLY as much as i care about getting cuddles and luv and rels and warmth, of which sex is only a PART, and not the MAIN part. not a goal unto itself. those other things are the goal. that whole package. whatever you call it, i am severely under on it hahaha.

did you know that on the job training is a benefit? many jobs do not even provide on the job training. and OJT simply means you are put into situation where you look like an idiot and have to scramble to ask somebody for help RIGHT NOW and they get mad at you. so whats the alternative to OJT? SELF TRAINING AFTER THE SHIFT. that what i do.

wow jobs suck. all jobs suck. all jobs push you to the limit so that you are always on the verge of a nervous breakdown and threatening to quit. my company was actually pretty GOOD. just that i couldn’t handle THAT PERSON. O GOD. we used to get along SO WELL. and now she will move on and improve her life, and i will continue to fall behind. why couldn’t she have just been willing and able to Share Her Life with me. now her life will improve and mine will get worse. i cant support myself on these god damn 8 dah jobs!!!!!!! with no training! always pushed to the limit! being forced to scam customers to save money! i don’t want to scam people!!!! i don’t want to be abused and bullied and harassed all day! i just want to do a JOB. tell me what to do and ill do it. but many/most jobs are not well-defined at all. it is stupid WEIRD PROBLEM SOLVING all day, where its better to do a shitty solution quickly, than a good solution. god damn.

did a 5 miler, that was ok.

looked at jobs in the morning, that was rough. the best i found was a damn 10 dollar an hour warehouse job.

so internal customers are better than external customers. and I was dealing with only internal customers!!!! but i really didn’t like the call center. AND the constant sense that i didn’t know what i was doing. trying to walk callers through stuff where i didn’t know what i was doing. people calling me to fix their problems, when i knew LESS about things than THEY did. I just had to be THAT much sharper than they were.

shit i might even reapply there if i know SHE is gone. she’ll probably be moving UP in her damn career within a year, then shell be making like 18 DAH hahahaha. god damn i HATE the idea of her being more successful than me. she is 8 years younger than me, and less educated than me, and less smart than me, but i have watched her go from being less successful than me, equally successful as me, then rejecting me brutally, then becoming more successful than me. being my superior in the battle of life essentially. all because she is more emotionally stable and can deal with shit better. yet she is less emotionally intelligent! she can just ignore the shitty things she does and keep on improving her life. also her anxiety and worry is not as bad as me. she is always smoking w33d hahahaha what a n199er drug. yet she is way more successful and fast track than me.

i never thought she would treat me so bad. it was so shocking and surprising. i never thought she was capable of something like that. it really rocked my world! and yeah i really STILL can’t see working in the same office as her. i HAD to get out of there.

http://www.indeed.com/forum/job/accounts-payable-clerk/Difficulty-entering-profession/t32389

shit. she was a big source of confidence for me. when things were going well with her, i was more confident. when things went bad with her, my confidence crashed.

i am thankful to have plenty of good people and things in my life, but she was still very very important to me. i didn’t have anyone else playing that role, that is, a female friend who was nice to me (at one point.) this is a different kind of rel than Family or Same Sex Friendship. It was friendship with the Tenderness that only a Decent Woman can bring. so yeah it’s no surprise that I got feelings for her, ESPECIALLY once she Became Single. and it IS surprising that she treated me the way she did, because i didn’t think she was capable of being so cold and callous. to me. i didn’t think she had it in her. i still can’t believe it. which is what tempts me to contact her: do you really realize what you just did? do you realize how bad that was? i don’t think you MEANT to hurt me so much! please take another chance! gimme another chance! please respond im begging you! im sorry for being weird!

it’s not like the WHOLE THING was a fantasy, like it was with All Other Women. we actually had a Real Relationship of sorts. a solid foundation. not a castle built on sand.

BUT she stopped being good to me a long time ago, stopping putting in any effort around jan or feb. at this point i was in denial, didn’t want to believe it, wanted to ignore the bad stuff.

but even when she was being horrible, just seeing her gave me a fix. it was real easy to pretend everything would work out for the best.

well at least i know i would never dump a person like that, and i learned valuable lessons about We Need To Talk about Muh feelings ASAP.

i just hate it when people want to BAIL rather than WORK on things. it’s not like this is a JOB that you just ragequit (although i did that too!). these are peoples HEARTS.

it says you’re not important enough to me, i would rather throw you away than put in any effort. it is crushing to be on the receving end of that.

also, she was very important to me, i was ONCE important to her, and then i went to being SO UNimportant to her, that she just threw me away. it does a number on the confidence and self-esteem hahahaha.

someone built you up, then they break you down. worst “breakup” ever. because it was the most meaningful deepest rel i ever had with a woman ever. that is a big deal. i was closer to her than i was to girls i fooked, i liked her more, knew her better, knew her longer. thats why im so goddam heartbroken. plus this time i dont have alcohol to help me get through it like i did last time i had a Big Heartbreak.

its amazing anybody ever gets over a heartbreak! its in some ways WORSE than a death! because they’re still alive, they’ve just rejected you and removed you from their life with hard feelings!

ive said all this. shit.

in other rels i was never really “downgraded” like this, because i was never upgraded to begin with. here i went from being liked……to being disliked. this hurts alot. when someone likes you, then STOPS liking you. she didnt HAVE to do that.

i thought we at least respected each other as human beings. i certainly did to her. and she used to. just because someone doesnt LIKE LIKE you doesnt mean they HAVE TO stop respecting you as a human being.

i approached her with warmth and kindness. she “approached” me with coldness and ignoring and disdain.

there was really nothing i could do.

dear person, why couldnt you just talk to me. i was devastated. how could you do that to me. you didnt have to like me. i just wish you had treated me like a PERSON, like you USED to. i know i wasnt perfect, i know i didnt communicate the best, but i was trying.

Resolve complex questions and problems usually without help. this exact sentence was in a job description probably for a no more than 15dahj.

i looked for “mental health” jobs and there was one that didnt require a MASTERZ degree and state licensure, and it was like 10 dah and the org was very low rated as incompetent and sucky and a horrible place for staff and patients and there was a video provided by the company where people talked about how hard and ugly the job is, getting attacked and beat every day by completely mentally disabled people, but you do it because you love the work, not because you want to get paid more than 10dah. its a calling. with tender piano music in the soundtrack.

well i would rather get beat by demented people rather than screamed at by Unreasonable Customers!

my former employer got good ratings as a good place to work!

and the people really were not bad! but i seriously cant deal with HER. THAT PERSON.

she unfriended ME.

she blocked ME.

i wrote her BOOKS worth of long emails.

she didn’t respond to these with ONE SINGLE WORD.

how can you do that? isn’t it EASIER just to write one sentence: “stop contacting me. i never want to talk to you ever again.” i think i would have PREFERRED that!

instead i kept sending emails for the next MONTH BEGGING her. and NOTHING from her. not one damn word. not even “stop stalking me weirdo or i will get a restraining order. fook you loser. im gonna get with tyrone hes 90000 times the man you are, virgin loser.  i was disgusted by the idea that you think i was even in your shit league. im a 25 year old gurl. how could i go out with an old bald fat short loser faggy sissy like you. i want a REAL man to fook me GOOD.”

anyway it was terrible for my confidence, which is in turn terrible for my job search. you HAVE to be confident. right now i feel like i cant even do basic jobs. let alone jobs that openly advertise you have to have “INGENUITY” to solve difficult problems WITHOUT HELP.

well fook you, then dont yell at me or fire me when i fook shit up then bitches.

hahaha i wish i was born 40 years ago hahahaha. in my area people were upper working class lifted up By The Unions. I guess this is shitty because the unions got greedy and killed the golden goose? so now the next generation could not get Good Union Manufacturing jobs? that that good living they made was Greedy and Overinflated?

so yeah that Union Upper Working Class, which likes to call itself “THE MIDDLE CLASS” was a big thing in the Modern History of my home area. and now of course its on the decline. but people still manage to do well with their college and trade school. why cant I? because i dont have the initiative, hustle, grit, TOUGHNESS. you have to be TOUGH and i have NEVER been TOUGH. and that has been my downfall.

got my customer service 101 book by eventon? everton? today.