BABOON BRAINFRAME

dec 18

finished chapin book. if i weren’t already a LIFELONG FAN, it probably wouldnt convince me of anything, i wouldnt like the book, i mean it was a pretty flawed book with its kinda rough writing style, missing important points, or maybe that was just him leaving the reader wanting more. i mean if he wants to self publish short books every year, ill damn buy them! MGHOW was worth it for telling personal stories which he never used to tell in his videos (when i used to watch ALL his videos at least.) dirty degen details of his secs life, the women he dated.

now, i want to know more about his ex WIFE. in this book he also talked for about 1 page about going to grad skool and becoming a Skool Psychologist. I would like a whole chapter or book on that.

he mentions his mother was a clinical psych for 30 years and had a practice where she largely had Neurotic Career Women as clients. His Mother Knows Women.

This is HUGELY interesting and Uncle Bern should write a book on women with his MOTHER. He needs to talk about his Based Mother a lot more and how she helped him understand women.

maybe involve his mother or sister in his videos or books. especially the mother. i know she is still alive and he talks to her regularly. She sounds like a Red Pilled Woman who Bern actually respects and with good reason.

i am considering writing a review on the amazon page. i know Bern really appreciates that. i might identify the review with muh alt right username. which I am NOT using on this page because even though this page talks about alt right a lot……..i still dont want to come out to the alt right as saying i am the alt right NEET OMEGA LOSER who writes the alt right neet omega loser blog whining about women and being a neet loser.

i mean haters could probably put two and two together, but i dont want to give it to them on a silver platter! i mean they could definitely do it.no doubt. im talking about my alt right nonneet username being connected with my alt right neet username here. never does muh real life identity being doxxed enter in. of COURSHE i have opsec of the utmost priority on that.

going to go for powerwalk at 1pm today. sunday. sunny but cold. need to use boots hehehe.

made 5 ovenburgers on today sunday. put them into little baggies with cheese and buns and put them in freezer. good 2 go.

did 1 load of laundry. medium sized. shirts and pants for job. done.

yesterday did 1 load of laundry too. drawz and socks and hats and gloves and dark stuff.

previous day did 1 medium load of laundry, all white t shirts only.

yesterday made 20 cigarets. trying to do that every saturday night. make 20 cigarets even if i only smoke 10 during the week. then put the 10 into a separate bag. i like having a big bag o cigarets in case i run out of pre rolleds.

also smokin 10 cigarets a week is not bad.

Bone Zone SHUT DOWN from youtube! i knew it would happen but that was less than 1 month. wow just wow.

I mean i always kinda liked ghoul, thought he was a little hard to listen to, but once he showed his handsome face i liked him 148800000000 times more. spent 25 bucks to buy his tshirt. he is a good goi, dindu nuffin.

1.4 mile powerwalk in snow. 20 degrees. not bad. i will go outside when its 20. not so much when it is 10. and it has been closer to 10 for a while.

took a benedryl at about 1:30pm to force myself to go to bed early tonight, get up.

emily youcis was a real degenerate, smokin MJ on camera, wearing incredibly skanky clothes on camera with her tits and ass hanging out, being a singer in a punk band. you KNOW she has done some degen shit during that time. drinkin, smokin, fookin the dirtiest randoms raw dog, taking it up the ass by guys she just met.

but i still accept her because when you come out as pro-white, using your real name, you are pretty much recanting your degen past, because everyone will turn against you. you will lose friends and fans. you will find out who your real friends and fans are.

i guess a similar thing could be said for evalion….but she didnt use her real name. well, her real FIRST name she did use. and then within 6 months her real last name was out there. but not sure what she is doing.

i would give evalion 1 dollar a month if she wasnt buddy buddy with sinead and they didnt call mill woes a degen phaggot. god damn. MILO is a degen phaggot. or prob jack donovan. but mill woes has repented for his gay past! and I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume this gay past is very very minimal. like evalion or sinead never did degenerate shit. they did more degen shit than MW. pot and the fookin kettle here. i am willing to forgive both women, but they make that hard to do when they attack one of my favorite guys. these people usu are the same who hate andrew anglin and TRS and spencer too. its so stupid. they were the ones who started this stupid infighting. and they are usually k1ke on a stick christian haters too. hmmmmm. also are purity spiral as fook. i dont like that varg seems to be closer to these guys. but we are a bunch of degen, k1ke enablers, phag enablers, degen, milo luvers.

heh. i wonder which side emily will gravitate towards. the dramatic women side, or the less dramatic phag joo shill side hahaha.

i dunno. i just think that a guy who had one gay experience, says ok, got it out of my system, i dont like that, is less degen than a woman who has 6 gorillion casual straight experiences!

like casual degen gay sex just seems more honest and transparent about its degeneracy, ie, there’s absolutely no other reason to have this except for degen gay hedonistic pleasure. there is no way this could ever create new life. it was never even on the table. you don’t have to take steps to prevent it. it just cant happen.

so yeah its inherently perverted….but i think equally perverted is using Birth Control so much and having So Much Recreational Sex, that you FORGET that this is the process that creates life!

dec 19

heh. spent hours at home doing a job related project because i was slightly ashamed about not finishing it by the time i left. dont want to disappoint the team. so i finished it at home. i dont want to do this every single day but i did really want to finish this before tomorrow morning. and i did. i mean i had to Streamline My Process because I had never done any of this before so it was slow going. at least now i could do it faster if needed. and i made some super in depth documentation. they might not appreciate all the details. too much they’ll say! well ok i’ll scale it back in the future. had a very relaxed stress free day today, including a 2 hour meeting that was more like a training class. didnt need to impress anyone or explain shit or sell shit. but i got more actual work done at home than i did while i was there.

office holiday lunch tomorrow, i was going to use today to prepare my witty banter, and failed to do that!

was so cold today could not do more than a 15 minute powerwalk.

still kind of sound like an autistic, spaghetti pockets moron when i talk to people, even just small talk! so frustrating.

I mean I try to be nice, I think they can see that i am trying to be nice and friendly and open and polite, but i am just a little socially awkward hehehe. i mean come on there are a few slightly awkward introverts in the office in addition to me!

dec 20

holiday lunch today. spent all yesterday finishing this “project” draft rather than preparing witty, charismatic banter to impress all 15 people in the department. ran a little late from office to restaurant. apologized profusely. only spot was sitting right next to My Direct Manager. he is a really good guy and I am grateful I can say that and it’s the truth. the majority of people don’t have a manager like that. I could TOTALLY get a Good Recommendation from this guy IF I do a good job AND I Just Darn Talk To Him!!!!! He is always in a good mood and laughing at his own jokes. I kind of like this. not in an arrogant way but more like he is genuinely a Jolly Man. He has more than a Semi Charmed Life and he KNOWS it and he is thankful for it. he has a great Career, he’s highly educated and working in a field he enjoys, working on a PhD in his field, from a good school, has a not-ugly wife and more than 2 young children. and good people skills, gets along with everybody, makes everybody feel comfortable. also he is tall and fairly handsome. but pretty down to earth and not arrogant. but not underconfident either.

yes i stalked his wife on linkedin and google. yes uncle bernard, i have NO BOUNDARIES hahahaha. (uncle bern is appalled that All Women have No Boundaries and are always GOOGLING people, he finds that crazy and rude. I see where he’s coming from….but dont you want to know about the people you work with? of course bern, or any normie would say……….JUST TALK TO THEM ABOUT IT.

I mean yeah I DO, I just use the online stuff to supplement and jog memory. To add to my notes. I can’t remember were so and so went to college, did they go to x y or z, i forgot what he said his wife does, how old his kids are, etc.

i felt a little bad because i was nervous and not contributing to the conversation like a normie. not very charismatic, not very witty. this is the downside from having a Rough Three Years. you don’t have anything interesting or positive to say.

or, in general, stories about yourself and your life. you dont have anything you can talk about but all your years of failure and rejection and giving up hahahaha. and you know you shouldnt talk about that! so what DO you talk about? your interests in Huhwhyte Nationalism, Alt Right, black metal? these are professionals with masters degrees making over 50k a year who go to ANTI-TRUMP protests and pro-hillary protests! and they’re gonna listen to the new, underachieving new guy on how their whole Weltanschauung is wrong? sheeeit. im the one making 13k a year, with no wife or kids, they’re making 50k a year and have a house, wife/husbando, and kids who are going to college and will prob be successful too, unless they fook up in college like I did!

so thoughts like this make it difficult to make small talk in big groups at lunch hahahaha.

i mean no ones asked me why i didnt get a masters degree, and if they do, i’ll once bitten twice shy, i wanted to get more working experience first, so i could determine what is the best masters degree to get. i just want to become competitive and work really any of a range of possible jobs. i like counseling but i honestly dont think it would be useful for me to get a masters degree in counseling. because i want to help white neet men and white marriages. not be a social worker to black thugs. i can’t TELL people that though!

i mean its similar to how people who want to become teachers have to start out their first few years in shitty black schools. people who want to become cops have to start out first few years in shitty black cities. its called PAYING YOUR DUES, its NORMAL.

so why aren’t more normies red-pilled on race then?

because they’re DOUBLING DOWN.

the teachers much moreso than the cops, hahahahaha.

every day children are taught to hate? klan families with kids wearing trump shirts. come on. there are about ten people tops in the klan in the US, and they don’t really HATE negros. They just want an end to forced diversity and forced anti-whitism. they want to be around other whites and have their children mate with other whites and not to live in dangerous nonwhite shitholes. they want a strong, safe community. they dont HATE anybody. they just dont want their white daughters having brown babies. stupid a&e commerican for “generation kkk.” really trying to hit people in the feels.

there’s like 5 people in the KKK in 2017 hahahahaha. COME ON.

do a show about the alt right. well, then they would spin it the same way their spinning spencer. a big part of the alt right hehehehe. but like in the atlantic piece, spencer looked pretty GOOD. I could see that actually REACHING one undecided person.

tok benedryl today at around 2:30 pm. got a sleeping mask as well. try that out. also got a tape measure for body to get exact measurements. waist: about 34 inches. chest: about 39. leg: ideally, 27 or 28. total manlet hahaha.

got any 33 27 pants hahahaha

but yeah i like having this. just so i know what muh actual body actually IS. of COURSE clothes makers are WILDLY inconsistent with their measurements. i need to know where to START though. 32? 33? 34?

dec 21

http://www.theblaze.com/news/2016/12/20/white-guys-offered-new-years-resolutions-from-ultra-liberal-mtv-news/

mtv new years resolutions for white guys, getting some coverage right nao

http://dailycaller.com/2016/12/19/mtv-offers-up-new-years-resolutions-for-white-guys-video/

http://www.vdare.com/posts/mtvs-new-years-resolutions-for-white-guys-a-response

white racist site vdare actually high in the news results hahahaha

http://www.breitbart.com/big-hollywood/2016/12/19/mtvs-new-years-resolutions-for-white-guys-stop-mansplaining-stop-saying-woke-blue-lives-matter-isnt-a-thing/

wow, would ya get a load of the khazar milkers on that

dec 21

went to lunch with old colleague i had not seen in a long time. the person who is very nice and kind to me. acts as a reference for me. mutually knows both me and…….That Woman. we actually had a very good and animated talk, no autistic silent moments, like no time had passed, and, i was kinda pleasantly surprised, we did not talk about That Woman at all. our colleague somewhat likes the gossip. i kinda expected them to say SO……whatever happened between you and that woman? and i was fully prepared to take the high road, but still be honest, and say yeah that really really sucked for me, i was really upset for a long time, it’s still sad, it’s just SAD, i was stupid but she was stupid too, i was so disappointed, i wish she tried a little harder to Euthanize Our Rel With Dignity, but oh well, life goes on, i understand why she did what she did, she’s still a good person, I wish her well, I forgive her, I’m not mad at her, I’m getting over it.

but didnt even have to say any of that.

of course at the same time i secretly hope the mutual friend will contact That Woman and say guess who I saw, he’s doing well, he got a new job, come on you should have been a little nicer to him. heh. and then i would totally Accept her. even though she’s older, probably fooked 20 badbois in the past 1.5 years, maybe had a baby, maybe had some abortions, maybe got more experience in being a horrible person and casual secs and throwing people away and acting like a baby. AND being more successful at me in job. being TOUGH. saying fook you we cant help you, i am the manager and i’m saying GOODBYE, we dont have the TIME to fix your unreasonable demands, it’s not WORTH IT to us.

that she was able to TOUGH IT OUT through tough personal times, and tough job times, and just ignore me like I was nothing, and tough it out on a job I was struggling so much with, and tough it out for SO much longer, AND bounce back from a layoff super quickly, into another high stress job where you have to be tough, but you probably get paid a slightly above average (avg being 27k a year) wage as compensation. and i cant tough it out well enough as an average normie, to make an average wage.

totally SMITING me AND then going on to do WAY better at life. insult to injury hehehehe. and its not intentional. and intent does absolutely matter. it was just extremely painful………………………..for me. hehehehehe.

i just hate doing the wrong thing. i hate thinking i might do the same wrong thing in the future. make the same mistake again because i will be a COWARD again. its not that i didnt know what I should do, what I should have done was obvious even at that time! I just didnt have the courage to say it. so my mistake was not having enough courage. not acting with courage in a timely manner.

is that really such a god damn CRIME? i think other people would have been more forgiving of that. it was just a fookin PERFECT STORM, a perfect shitstorm. worst possible thing at the worst possible time.

fooking peloton commerical. i want to bang the rich skinny mom. i want to bang the tuff gurl robin the peloton instructor. i am not going to go easy on HER hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.  but my main concern is, what is this womans CAREER to be living in that HOUSE??????? clearly ivy league graduate degree, near-c-level management in a fortune 10 company hehehehe. all those women like to work 100 hours a week then exercise 50 hours a week because they know they still need to have a perfect body hahahaha. then they neglect their family and their kids grow up to be school shooter neet virgin druggie burnouts hahahahahahaha. at least they can afford their drugs with their mommys money. careerbux hahahaha. fooking peloton. fook peloton. stupid word. stupid shitbike. fook it.

hehehe the colleague gave me a nice pastry/cake/sweets and i ate a chunk of it and it turned out to have like 450 calories in it hehehehehe. oyyyyyy veyyyyyyyy. they are the kind of nice person who always brings in treats and snacks and donuts and sweets and buys people lunch. my god. that is how i became acquainted with her, because she was always NICE to me, and I really do appreciate that kind of stuff.

heh. that was how i became friends with That Woman too, who was nice in a similar way. damn i miss that. yeah its NO SURPRISE at all that i got feelings for her. a pretty young gurl being VERY NICE TO YOU. the only thing that’s SURPRISING was that I didnt fall in luv with her SOONER! but that was HOW MUCH I respected peoples relationships, that i had NO desire to interfere or fook up her relship, that I didn’t let myself get feelings for a Taken Woman. but once she was not taken, and i let myself get the feels, the HORSE WAS OUT OF THE BARN and it wasnt ever gonna go back in. HOW IS THAT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND? it isn’t. i dont think any reasonable adult would find that hard to understand. sheeeeit, even SHE probably UNDERSTOOD it. she just didnt want to face a tuff situation in order to do me one last favor. just back out and do the irish goodbye hahahahaha.

whats funny is that i have done the irish goodbye many a time when I was a drinker. but that was different. I was just leaving social events quietly, not Terminating entire relationships!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

i just like the term irish goodbye hahahaha.

also you just CANT pull an irish goodbye on a real relship of 2.7 years. thats not what it is, thats not how it works. it’s just sneaking out of a large-ish PARTY when you are too drunk, tired, or awkward to say goodbye in a POLITE manner like a NORMIE. its super MINOR. Abandoning a relship needs a different term altogether. How about “abandonment” or “abandoning a relship.”

which is what i thought “ghosting” was. but thats a stupid word too and i think it works better with the minor semi faux pas of an irish goodbye!

so yeah. 90% of the time i did it, i was falling down drunk, shouldnt have been even LOOKING at a car, and probably didnt want anyone to try to stop me from driving. YIKES. glad those days are GONE. at least i became a better person than THAT.

maybe i was blazed af on MJ? thats a little better.

was listening to this middle class man tell his story, i guess he would be one of our “customers” or “clients” so I tried to help him for 2 minutes and practice my bullshitting on a system i knew even less than he did, and he was so gracious and nice, and was like you guys have such patience to work with people like me, and i was like hey just doin our job, thats what were here for, glad to do it, i’m just glad you dont have an emergency right now and youre screaming at me to fix it, and I don’t have a goddamn EXPERT in the next room who is basically twiddling his thumbs waiting for something to do! and then I grab him he helps you and I watch and learn along with you.

the “client”/internal customer might be one of the 15% who dont have a masters degree, but he has plenty of Industry Experience in a Bigass Fortune 10 company. kinda autistic but just really really nice. I appreciate that.

he talked about his son and daughter. he convinced his son not to go away to college. he sat him down and showed him spreadsheets and convincing calculations that the son could save at LEAST 50 grand by living at home and going to the cheapo college. that the College Experience wasnt WORTH 50 grand that you would struggle to pay back.

the kid listened. he lived at home, worked 60 hours a week in a Machine Shop, did associates at cheap college, then finished Engin Degree at local univ, all while living at home, working full time, doing many many classes online. now he is an engineer making damn good money with a wife and kid and dogs. about 148800000000000 times better than me.

like i bet he made more money at the machine shop than i am right now. and 60 hours a week. AND doing engin classes. the father said i would go by his room at 4 in the morning and be like WHACHA DOIN SON and the son was like i got an assignment due at 6 AM!

point is, kid had a great work ethic!

another guy tried to convince HIS son of the same thing, showed him the numbers, said here’s what you’ll have to pay back, taking a real unflinching longterm look at finances in other words, you can save a LOTTTTTT of money by going to cheap local college for 2 years, THEN you can transfer to finish your degree at State Univ. it doesnt say podunk redneck college on your diploma! and the kid fought him and say no i want to go to state univ right out of high school. well, at least this kid is going an engin major!

well at least he is probably getting some prime college poosay!!!!! 18 year old QTs! this is a party skool after all. All my life i will regret not being able to bang 18 year old 9/10’s like he is doing no. sheeeeeeeeeeeit thats WORTH 100 grand, isn’t it?

probably, because that instills you with confidence that will last you a LIFETIME, and then you will prob be successful in life, and MAKE 100 grand to pay those loans back, be a winner chad normie, have GFs and a wife and eventually children. because you banged some 18 yo QT’s while in college which gave you MASSIVE CONFIDENCE. BABOON BRAINFRAME.

OR, you could just get rejected, or just not even really try, and get super frustrated because you see 14880000000000000000000 perfect qt’s a day and you have never been with one. or if you have it was just for 2 days then the door was shut hehehehehe. and still pay the 100 grand and come out with no confidence, no skills, no charisma, no value add, no women, no charm, no grace, no game.

im glad im not in a univ town where i would see 60000000000000000000 18-25 yo qt’s all day erry day. i used to be. it was RIDICULOUS. it’s bad enough if i see a handful of Young Sluts when I go to the MALL twice a year. no thank you. TRIGGERED.

i know of a local skool where there are a good number of young qt’s. right out of high school. 18-20 years old. but half of em arent huhwhyte. this is triggering in a different way. but actually less painful I think! than seeing tons of young white women. that hits even harder on the lizard brain. but yeah race matters too. but i have some power in that. i feel empowered by contributing 10 dollars a month to pro-white people hehehehehe, empowered in a way i dont feel when dealing with young qt white wimmin. maybe if i gave THEM 10 dollars a month they would stroke muh ego. hang out with me and be nice to me and interested in me hahahahaha.

i might not be able to have white children of my own, and i see me donating money to Alt Right and Pro White as doing whatever I CAN do to help The Cause, The Movement, My People, My Race, the future of my people and our children, even if they are not MY children directly.

to be fair i am dnating 2 dollars to people that are NOT explicitly pro-white. they haven’t crossed the rubicon yet. but they are white conservatives hehehehehe. who are not anti white even implicitly. i would prefer that they be explicitly pro white. would get me to up muh donation hehehehe.

white conservatives get 12 dollars a year, pro white white conservatives get 20 dollars a year hehehehehe. upmost tier gets 25 a year. weev, andrew anglin, TRS, mill woes, fatherland.

well COULDNT i do MORE good by just donating MORE money to ONE source? save all muh donations for TRS? maybe that will push them over the edge into……what exactly. they are already on a good path.

i am even gonna give 5 dollars to foreveralone george feels.

lena dunham goes into the oven hahahahaha. you wish you had abortion. you WOULD. i’m more surprised by the fact that shes never HAD an abortion. i bet the lying jooish bitch is LYING. i bet she DID have abortions and is trying to portray herself as some innocent “normal” woman. close your legs you damn evil satanic wh0re. we dont need any more of your kind in this world. actually she prob SHOULD abort her evil SATAN SPAWN. but not even fox joos will tell you that shes jooish. NORMIES think shes WHITE. they think that fat pig amy schumer is white. this is how blue pilled normies are on the JQ. and why the JQ is such a bigass mindblowing game changing thing. it changes you hahahahaha.

and i am HAPPY that so many YOUNG people are hip to the JQ, even if semi-jokingly. hell yes you can have fun and make jokes with it. but i think they honestly GET IT too. its IMMENSELY powerful to have YOUNG people understand the JQ. I didnt get it until I was……i dunno at least 28 years old. I mean I was aware of joos and calling people k1k3s when i was 22, and knew j00s were scheming and greedy and evil back then……..but I didnt REALLY understand it. i wasnt even reading stormfront or vnn, and there wasnt any alt right or /pol for me to read. no pepes, no memes. no trs, no weev, no daily stormer, no /pol, no greg johnson, no richard spencer. what a sad world hahahaha.  im not even sure if there was reddit. the best thing we had was heartiste. who is honestly pretty GOOD. he is pretty good on the JQ. but was he back THEN? prob not as much.

i did get into greg johnson around 2012 though hahahaha. didnt i do my amazon timeline recently???!??!?!?? well i was reading and listening to greg and counter currents WELL before I bought his book.

2012: mindweapons, counter currents, and eradica did it for me. they converted me hahahaha. and david duke. THANK YOU hahaha. oh yeah i should donate to counter currents prob eh.

i dont expect ANY woman to understand this. I just want a woman who is instinctively REPULSED by being with any race other than a white man. I want a woman who has never BEEN with a nonwhite man, WOULD NEVER EVEN THINK OF IT without disgust. And I honestly think there are a goodly number of these women out there, they just wont tell it on the mountain in front of their friends for fear of being called you-know-what.

 

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WHY IS POPULISM BAD

nov 19

ok this post should be shorter, hahaha. 4000 words max

i always liked jack lemmons uptight, nerdy, supplicating, neurotic style. it seems pretty jooish but i dont know if he was a joo. varg LETS FIND OUT.wav

” He was the only child of Mildred Burgess LaRue (née Noel) and John Uhler Lemmon, Jr., the president of a doughnut company.[2][3] His paternal grandmother was from an Irish immigrant family.[4]    ”

looks like not a joo. thank god hahaha.

yeah i mean i wish a bigboy FT job had picked me rather than this littlegurl PT job, it puts me back into the same conundrum i had when i was 26 except im not a young man of 26 anymore! but the good news is it lets me fix the GAP, and its also guaranteed not to give me a nervous breakdown hahaha. i just cant start any drama with WOMEN, and also i cant lose sight of the fact that i have to move on from there fairly quickly. ideally i would get a ft job with the same company.

i was very often trying to work for and win womens approval. with That Woman, at the beginning, i wasnt working at all. i mean i was doing shit, but i wasnt struggling and scheming and planning and strategizing and calculating and overthinking. we just got along veyr well and beause of that she liked me and i liked her. but not in that way. yet.

and then when i DID start liking her in that way, it all became that damn chess game where i had to figure out How To Make Her like me back.  it is an exhausting struggle that i have NEVER won.

but yeah either the woman likes you or she doesnt. either she s going to going to give you a chance or not.

and even when i have gotten as far as making out or Casual Dating with a woman…….it wasnt really HARD. there was enough Natural “Chemistry” or attraction to get me THAT far……but no further.

new crowbar album november 2016 “the serpent only lies”. i always liked crowbar but my peak with them was “oddfellows rest” in 2000! great album, possib muh fav of theirs. since then i havent been following them too much just because they are always releasing albums.

yeah EXCEPT they went on a solid hiatus for like 6 years while kirk focused on down. and since down is not looking super hopeful, i am glad he is doing stuff with crowbar.

i mean crowbar is very HONEST and SINCERE and REAL and keeps it REALLY REAL and there is absolutely nothing PHONY about them.

also i really dont think kirk is a joo. some white power guy on the internet has him on a list of joos but i doubt this.  mean his lifestyle is total working class white guy whitelash.

i know he had some struggles with drinking but not super hard drugs or anything. i wonder if he smokes MJ every day like a degenegro. PROBABLY hahahaha. now he just gets raging drunk less. i dont think he quit drinking altogether.

so yeah he’s not a model aryan ubermensch, just a flawed normie, and i believe his heart is in the right place, and i can respect someone who has an Instantly REcognizable Musical Style, which he does. no one else in the world sounds like this. he is Not Derivative at all. he’s been doing that for 30 years. he is all about good riffs and good songs and very honest unpretentious lyrics about being Tuff and Overcoming Adversity. how can you dislike that?

his main flaw is basically just getting sloppy drunk, or at least he used to, and i hope he doesnt anymore.

i dunno i did see down like 3 times with him and….he was one of those guys that probably could get totally fooked up and still play very well.

technically once i was face to face with him and said hello and shook his hand hahahahaha.

i was in this same situation 2 years ago with their previous album: oh i like and respect crowbar, i will always give crowbar a chance, i wish i was more familiar with their later stuff.

maybe their later stuff just isnt as GOOD hahahaha.

i dunno, on the surface it certainly doesnt seem BAD!!!!! i mean its textbook crowbar!

but yeah albums like “broken glass” and “oddfellows rest” had a MAGIC for me, and i am wondering if thats because crowbar had more MAGIC back then, or I had more magic back then when i was young and innocent.

but yeah even if i cant REMEMBER any of the last 5 crowbar albums, i will always respect what they do.

also i think kirk became RELIGIOUS with their 3rd most recent album hahahaha. like CATHOLIC i think. which is bretty kewl imho. wish he talked more about that. figured it would be more of a controversy.

anyway i just hope he is a good father to his child/ren. i know he has at least one.

i know that he was married and was divorced. was she a piece of trash? was it because he was drinking too much?  what about the children?

anyway, as with all white men, i hope he is trying not to be a drunk degenerate, and is being a good father. the fact that he can write such honest music is a signal that he has good intentions.

yeah the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but they mean something to ME at least hahahaha. better to have good intentions than not, i say. its worth SOMETHING.

had dream last night that i was in AUSTRALIA with a group of people including TWO of the young qt women i used to work with when i was 26 to 30 hahaha. yeah and That Woman was a third woman of those. i only meet qt women at muh job hahahaha. thankfully That Woman was not in the dream. but woman2012 was! and also this other qt dark haired gurl that got married kinda young.

dont remember much about the dream other than near the end, i was kinda getting ostracized from the group. or i was being a dick and i ostracized myself. either way, i no longer had a chance with either of those two women. that sucked hahahaha. just wanted some cuddle and make out and hang out and romance action. i only had good intentions. i didnt want to use anybody for casual bullshit.

so i would have dated 2 girls at once? yeah but i would have been honest about it hahahaha. and if foreced to choose i would prob choose woman2012 because she had longer legs and a bigger ass hahahahahahahahahahahaha

and then tell the other gurl, SORRY for hurting your feelings, youre a good person, you wont have ANY PROBLEM finding a decent man.

they are finally coming out with the black metal lords of chaos and they are having a guy named COHEN play varg vikernes hahahahahaha. WOW. i wonder what he will say about that.

yeah i mean i will probably watch it just for fun, im sure it will be horrible. but hopefully FUN at least.

darkthrone told them NO you cant use our logo or our music. i respect anyone who can turn down free shekels like that.

but i also think, well, they have lives and families, and the shekels could HELP them!

but the movie does sound really really really jooish hehehe.

i would totally let darkthrone play a show for 100 grand tho. that is MUCH less jooish.

play the show, give the money to your kids, build a home in the country far away from the urbanite, raise 5 kids like varg in the country. be like varg. varg should play a show for 100 grand hahahaha. he could say whatever he wanted and then never get invited back because he would hopefully say a ton of antis3m1t1c and pro-white stuff!!! hahaha.

or not play ANY songs, and just give a pro-white speech for hours hahahaha. well i would want him to play songs though haha.

and all the drunk degenerates would be like boooo racism. i mean really. its pearls before swine.

so have the show be a very exclusive alt right invite only thing, where you can onyl get invited if you pass an interview process proving your pro white bona fides. then they could raise money from rich successful white pro-whites to give to varg. might not be as much as some jooish festival promoter tho hahahaha.

unrelated but this album could also be good. epic atmospheric pagan black metal with some celtic angle and great cover art hahaha. also brand new. i guess i am into super newly released music again. thanks deathspell omega hahaha.

yeah this sounds very promising, little long tho

plus i like the scots hahahaha

got those whistles and flutes and bagpipes, very nice, i will accept this in muh atmoblack hahahaha he is a nationalist but doesnt quite realize it yet hahaha.

i think me MIGHT be an american but he moved to scotland. glasgow. not sure if the guy from panopticon (austin lunn) plays drums on this like he did for saor’s last album “aura.”

no its a guy from this other scottish black metal band hehehehe.

ok andy marshall of saor does anoter scottish atmo black band called fuath, good job buddy, writing 2 albums of epid 16 minute songs, in 1 year hahaha. he also had bands before saor called askival and in vino veritas. dunno guess i just like the idea of SCOTTISH BLACK METAL hahahaha and this guy is pretty much the biggest name in it.

(shit i saw a picture of him where he had big faggy ear gauges. seriously. kids in 2016 still do this. never understand that shit. DEGENERATE. )

well with me and music, i kinda have to go where the spirit takes me. its not supposed to make sense or be logical or even necessarily good music hahahaha.

welp listened to that crowbar album, it sounded exactly like crowbar. their sense of consistency is something you make a good natured joke about at this point. hey i dont really want them to do anything different, just make good songs. well i mean for example i know kirk is a big led zeppelin fan, so why dont they write a song with some LZ influences? also i would like to see more Mellow and Clean Singing songs, because he has a GREAT clean voice, spine chilling. they started doing occasional Clean songs in 1999 hahahah so its nothing really NEW.

heh. you know whos NOT degenerate? GARTH BROOKS. thats right. i decided i should really start listening to garth brooks. hes not part of this super faggy new school of jooified “country” and he is a nice family man who retired from a super popular career to spend more time with his kids. and now that his kids are grown, he’s coming back a little bit, playing more shows.

hes a little bit SILLY of a guy but i think thats because he genuinely enjoys life in a non degen way hahaha.

and he is a very good performer.

george strait would also be acceptable to listen to hahahaha.

i thought this shit was corny and lame during the 90s, but it was probably the least degen popular music available in the nihilistic 90s, and also country music got much much much much much much much worse over the next 20 years!

ok so my new  job goal is to write as many super duper detailed, epic, heroic, miraculous WORK STORIES as possible. get at LEAST 10. so i can have a RAFT of SUPER DETAILED, SUPER AWESOME STORIES chock full of specific detail in future interviews.

i had some work stories now, but the key thing that i forgot to do back then, was WRITE THEM DOWN AS SOON AS THEY HAPPEN, DAY OF, AS MANY DETAILS AS POSSIBLE, and then you can always edit it later.

and you SHOULD edit it later, to make yourself look smarter and better. the important thing is that there are a TON of details.

get at least ten of these stories and you should then be able to interview your way into a better job. maybe be worthy dating women that almost look as good as transsexual men hahahahahahahahahahaha

hey they are plenty of terrible looking transsexual men, they arent all think young feminine looking qts hahahaha, some of them actually look like big burly crowbar esque men ahhahahahaha.

i cant believe i didnt write down work stories before. i had so many of them! i know i TALKED about them into my recorder. i could do back and listen to those tapes and then write the stories out. but apparently i didnt want to do that!

it would have been better to smuggle out the case notes….but i stopped doing that a few months in.

so i could have done THAT from home, i had access to case notes from home, i could have just copied and pasted.

but i was so fried and burnt out and broken down, i couldnt even think of obvious, easy solutions like that.

shit just copy down the top 20% of interesting, weird, or detailed cases! just copy the weirdest ones!

wewlad just got down to lowest weight evar, 132 lbs. i mean its POSSIBLE i weighed less than this like 12 years ago!!!!! but not recently! and i am old as shit and at basically the lowest weight i have ever been! so thats good! i mean i could actually get away with GAINING weight at this point…..but i dont really want to do that.

USE YOUR WORDS TO COMMUNICATE. AND USE UNAMBIGUOUS WORDS, not words like “like” or “hang out.”

well at least she feels bad about breaking her bfs heart hahahaha. sounds like she feels REALLY bad about it hahaha. GOOD. YOU SHOULD hahahaha.

no sorta kidding, she shouldnt feel THIS bad if she made a good faith attempt to dump him in a sensitive way, without trying to add insult to injury.

“sounds like she didnt have much respect for your relship if she dumped you with a TEXT” hahahahahaha

yeah i THOUGHT she had MORE RESPECT for me than that

and i thought i knew her better than that.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

still wanna sm0ke mad w33d.

still thinking about going to a SHADY ASS “doctor” in a dispensary on “doctor day”, saying i dont have any medical records, and that ive been getting persistent chronic pain in muh….back. carpal tunnel. then getting the card sent to a po box. then just let the po box expire once i have the card and i am buying tonnes of MJ hahahaha.

its like a prescription that NEVER RUNS OUT. that alone is rather unbelievable.

go to a doctor ONCE, have a card to buy drugs FOREVER. well, for 2 years. even still, could you imagine getting a 2 year prescription to buy as much Painkillers as you wanted? as much benzos as you wanted? for 2 full years! INCONCEIVABLE!!!!!

nov 20

sheeeeeeeeeeeit.

ok on my first day i gotta bring in donuts or bagels.

also gotta be dressed like a damn boss.

i dont think they wear suits every day there hahaha.

ok there is a 24 hour tim hortons nearby, so i can get some donuts and bring them in at 8 am hahaha

then they will judge and bullycide and abuse me for being uneducated, trump supporting and racist enough to buy such racist, hateful, bigoted donuts. donuts are what FAT BIGOTS like COPS eat.

i am being Silly but thats not far off from my usual line of Distorted Thinking, which has wrought massive anxiety and despair in muh life hahahaha

EVERYBODY HATES THE DESPERATE. nobody likes desperate people. employers, women, kool kids, winners. all shun and shame the desperate.

you know who LUVS the desperate?

JESUS! GAWWWDDDDD!!!!!!

so never forget that. when its lonely desperate you and the world is against you, JESUS is on your side. and LUVS you just as much as he luvs TRVMP.

hell yes i support jeff sessions for atty general. but the question is, how does he feel about joos. it could go both ways. some of these southern bigots luv joos and israhell and are not j wise at ALL.

SEE? ALL THOSE TRUMP SUPPORTERS ARE HUGE WHITELASH RACISTS!!!!!

no they arent, just the alt right subset hahahaha.

and at least half of them are polite and nice like neoreactionaries. and dont use hate speech like I do hahahaha.

so yeah i do not represent trvmp, nor do i represent the average trvmp supporter, who is probably WAY less racist than me hahahahahaha.

so whats the deal with jobs where they dont even tell you the salary range during the interview, you have to get to the second interview just to get a god damn IDEA, when its not a 60k a year job were talking about, its more like 30k job. you dont GET to be so circumspect about salary for a 30k job…….well yes of course you do!

but yeah being TOUGH, thats always been a problem for me. tough situations in life that SHOULD act as a crucible to toughen me up and make me into a better, stronger man…..i always break down and become a weaker, bigger loser.

anyway WOMEN. dont have such SHALLOW relationships. take PEOPLE more seriously. PEOPLE are important, relationships are important, intimacy is important. cuddling is SUPPOSED to build intimacy, sex is REALLY supposed to build intimacy, and women have this damn carousel of men, relships, sex, cuddling, motions of intimacy, and its all a lot of things that are SUPPOSED to be important or intimate, but they treat them like NOTHING.  its DISTURBING and SOCIOPATHIC hahahaha.

thats why they call it a RELATIONSHIP, because its all about RELATING to/with another person!

hmmm npi conference was yesterday. millennial woes looked like a slob in a purple t shirt and gray hoodie. looked like a real unemployable neet, looked like me lounging around the house hahahaha.

redice did a very nice stream of basically the whole event. THANK YOU redice.

i guess emily youcis got harrassed by antifa outside and sprayed with something.

i mean i dont like women in the alt right, but she has earned some cred for that i suppose.

ill still white knight more for alt right trannies than alt right women because the trannies are less of degenerate sluts than the women hahahahahah.

that proves it! Im a woman hater pure and simple and woman hating has no place in the alt right, in pro white, in a healthy society! this is MY PROBLEM that i need to FIX!

things that mean SO much to you, like cuddling, or making out, or fooking, or spending time with somebody, or having a rel with somebody, or being vulnerable and intimate with a person, it all means nothing to women! its all as meaningless as taking a dump!

i dont think they INTEND to be SOCIOPATHS! and isnt INTENT a big deal to me?

well….only to a point. if you cheat on somebody and say well i didnt MEAN to cheat on you, it just HAPPENED, one thing led to another…..yeah ok intent doesnt matter there. you have plenty of time to stop it.

i didnt intend to be a sociopath, i just acted like a sociopath in all muh relships and never tried to stop it.

nope, not all relships, just the ones with me!

i bring out the sociopath in all women hahaha.

no thats WRONG. NOT TRUE. woman2012 didnt treat me like a sociopath. That Woman didnt ALWAYS treat me like a sociopath.

havent you ever just RUN AWAY from something you couldnt handle? i ran away from College when I was 21 because I was like I Just Cant Handle This Any More. I should have done it at age 18 or 19! then immediately gotten Severe Treatment, 100000000000 mg of prozac, maybe some electroshock, then gotten a STEM/math degree at my prestigious univ, or gotten a stem/math degree at local less prestigious univ so i could stay at home and not be tempted by degeneracy, or at worst just gotten a business degree from local univ, or something. maybe being out of that environment would have been good. because i was tempted too much by the degen of MJ.

i still used MJ and alcohol when i was at home though……..

i dunno. i should gone to a shrink along with my 1000000000000 mg of prozac, and they could try to convince me to stop doing mj and alcohol. because i was too young for that shit.

http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Tough

https://www.google.com/#q=how+to+be+tough

ok read and understand. if you have a question, read it again until you understand. dont come looking for me to give you a free ride hahahaha. read and understand. youre an adult nao hahahaha.

If you could federally legalize MJ with a 35% tax on it……..then wouldnt it behoove the feds to legalize it?  theyd make billions of dollars on the taxes, more money than they make nao from…….what? booze being legal? but that money is going to booze barons, not politicians or govt!

also if MJ were legal, MJ barons could make a ton of money, as well as the govt taking 35% taxes on it!

not that I think taxes are good, i am just saying its a way to convince govt to make it legal, because THEY love taxes, and i would be WILLING to pay HEAVY taxes to have MJ legal and easily available.

im just trying to figure out why mj is still illegal. basically, both the govt And the Superrich Elites could make a TON of money off it being legal! so why dont they?

i mean they are probably GOING this way, it will just take 10 more years, cuz govt moves SLOWWWWWLY. except when legalizing phag marriage. that happened pretty damn fast hahahaha.

i mean most people can get MJ because its easy to get for social normies. they always know at least one person. the one person i sorta know is unable to do anything at the moment, so i have to wait hahahahaha.

well dont blame THEM!

im not tho!!!!! really!!!!

heh. that was another thing i lost when i lost That Woman.

maybe she really was just shady sketchy white trash that im better off without her in my life hahahaha. i mean she certainly thought SHE was much better off without ME in her life!!!!! and im not that shitty! seriously!!!!!!!!!

maybe her mind was so clouded and she made such bad decisions because she did MJ every day.

i also made very bad decisions and ran away from responsibilities when i was 21 largely because i did mj every day!

well she was older than 21!

21 its ok to be immature. 25, you should start thinking about adulting and being mature.

of course i am over 30 and still very immature.

but you can be immature in diff WAYS!!!!!

http://www.wikihow.com/Keep-Yourself-Calm-During-Tough-Times

heh. there should be a psych phd who writes a book on what happens to your Brain as you go Incel over 10 years.

i mean i dont really care about the SECS nearly as much as the general cuddling or intimacy or having a real REL with a woman.

the GFE, the EXPERIENCE of being with somebody special who is diff from a regular friend, or acquaintance, or family.

and women take these very special rels for granted, have many of them, treat them as replaceable and disposable. hahahaha.

no not all women. not even 51% of women hehehe.

hmm intradasting. no real point here other than to say he felt good when she broke no contact on his bday to wish him happy bday (she dumped him and it was very hard for him), he struggled in doing NC, and now she was sending this message, and he was like, i felt better know that i and the relship meant something to her.

now he says he doesnt want her back. i dont know about that!

standard stuff

hehehe his 22 yo gf has been with a LOT of guys. at age 22 i had only been with 1 gurl. at age 32 i had only been with 1 gurl.

always gets dumped by girls after a few dates or fooks and they see how INSECURE and NEEDY he is. well he is still young as shit, but this has apparently happened several times. oh well. at least hes not a virgin hahaha. maybe he needs a 10 year period of celibacy until he is 33 hahahaha.

heheh i hate thsi shit. she will dump him because oh im not good enough for such a good guy. but if this were a guy dating a gurl who was too good for him, she would dump him IMMEDIATELY and he would feel REAL bad. how do you think this bipolar OP would feel if her too good for her BF dumped her in a very insulting way, like yeah im way too good for you, you dont deserve me? she would be super devastated!

youre not allowed to be depressed if you got into a decent grad school at age 23. maybe if you got rejected and your only option was work at starbucks or get a devry mba and then become a team lead at starbucks. at best. i mean starbucks might be too good for you, they have health benefits ahhahahahahhahaha.

i also think its stupid that she was over me IMMEDIATELY, while its gonna take TWO YEARS for me to get over HER. go thru a little grief and pain. did i really mean NOTHING to you?

but yeah it doesnt bother me as much as it used to.

it doesnt mean it doesnt still bother me, almost every day!

just relatively less. and i THANK GOD for that.

well at least alt right is sticking as a word that means something to people. they use it on mainstream media to refer to far right white supremists, racists, anti semites hahahahaha. like those evil alt righters. no, not all trvmp supporters are radical racists like those ALT RIGHT people hahahaha.

so now i can be like yep im alt right, and i am looking for other alt right people to hang out with.

and people will say you deplorable racist bigot! or, hell yeah me too 1488! HAIL VICTORY!

and then we will get into a huge argument about phag enabling and religion and mj and me not being hyperborean ubermensch enough hahahahahaha.

yeah well it TOTALLY CAN take two years to get over someone. i dont think thats weird at all.

it just disgusts me that NO WOMAN goes two years without SECS. that even if they are Getting Over some other man, they are having Casual Secs with other men. All Women act like 6 months without secs is such a TRAGEDY.

NO. ITS NORMAL. TWO YEARS without secs while you get over somebody SHOULD be normal.

yeah TEN years is not normal i agree. but were not talking about 10 yers, were talking about 2 years.

anyway this thing is making me think All Women Always Treat All Relationships as Throwaway Meaningless Nothingness, and this is not true. it is CLASSIC COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS.

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/cognitive_distortions.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201301/50-common-cognitive-distortions

like good lord. just swear off of secs with men for 6 months and use the damn dildos youre always talking about.

whats the deal with trumps dead brother (i heard he was a Drunk) and his 2 sisters? i have never ever seen them.

yeah so freddy trump was a kinda black sheep and died at age 43 of drinking. one sister is a fed judge, cant believe we havent heard from her. other sister was in banking? other brother was in family business and makes an effort to stay out of attention. i guess there is no issues between any of them.

ok good enough for me.

don jr drank a little during college but apparently got his act together and is now super successful winner with beautiful white children hahahaha.

hmmm ivanka trump is actually OLDER than me. but eric trump is not hahahahaha.

don jr got married in 2005 and had FIVE children in NINE years. the bad news is that his wife is HALF J00. DAMN. COME ON DON.

well at least its not as bad as ivanka and KUSHNER. im not even sure if they should have children. just dump kushner, marry a goy, have goy children.

so yeah his wife is half jooish. and supposedly tiffany trump is dating a jooish man. COME ON. COME ON DON.

how have i not looked into this?

oh is this a sick joke, eric trumps wife lara is full joo. SMDH.

ivanka the orthodox joo and kushner have THREE children. oy vey. what a shonde. its like annuda shoah!

so all of TRVMPS grandchildren are damn MISCHLINGS.

maybe this is a kamikaze strategy to End Jooish Lines? I have too many doubts about that to think it could possibly be effective. especially using your own children.  maybe they just arent joo wise. but how can they NOT be?

SON OF A BITCH.

also i wanted to ask, WHY IS POPULISM BAD?

because its racist?

because “POPULISM” is a codework for Working Class White Male Whitelash?

yeah pretty much.

now i dont like the idea of MOB RULE, but i dont think that what the MSM is getting at when they say “populist”, they just mean the scary evil racist bigot WHITELASH.

http://www.dailystormer.com/the-rise-of-the-white-lash/

welp if i dont make something of myself in the next 4 years, thats it. thats my only hope hahahahahaha. this is white males time to shine and if i dont take advantage of it, i am done hahahaha. white male privilege alone wasnt enough to make me a productive member of society. i need EVEN MORE because i am THAT bad. and here it is with trvmp hahaha.

yeah i should order a red trvmp hat already.

and hanging out with more trump supporters and especially alt right people in real life.

wearing a trvmp hat in public hahahaha.

how much and what kinds of tax would have to be placed on MJ to make it more profitable to the Powers That Be for MJ to be legal, rather than it to be illegal? 100% tax to feds AND 100% tax to state and maybe another 100% to city?

pay $400 for a $100 bag of MJ? yeah ok i might not pay that. i wouldnt pay more than 50% tax hahahaha.

but shouldnt that be enough?

i mean how much law enforcement resources are used to arrest and prosecute MJ growers, dealers, etc?

as opposed to more dangerous drugs like meth or opiates?

no one goes to prison for MJ anymore!

so whos making money on illegal MJ? Mexican Cartels? and the US Gov wants mexican cartels to continue making money because…….this i cant figure out. The Secret Truth.

because Cartels give Fedgov billions of dollars a year? how? bribes? who exactly are they bribing? it seems like it would be lower level frontline feds would be more suspectable to bribes than top dea directors, fed judges, fed higher ups.

so YOURE TELLING ME that these feds make more money in HIGHLY illegal BRIBES from MEXICAN CARTELS, than all of the fedgov could legally make by taxing MJ 35%? 40%? 50%???

i just find it very hard to believe.

 

REJECTIONS, WITH NO CLOSURE, FROM GOOD PEOPLE: THE WORST KIND OF REJECTION

aug 6

shit. this week i am just jogging and writing.

we put too high a premium on reason and rationality and science and intelligence.

that IS kinda blasphemous to say, because this is the very thing that separates us from the filthy animals. it makes us human.

well, i would argue that Morality makes us human as well. now is morality both emotional and intellectual, or just intellectual only?

anyway. dont want to get off on tangent.

sex is different for men and women because women have a uterus and can get pregnant.

sex can NEVER be separated from reproduction no matter how much contraception we try. that is WHY we want sex and heterosexual companionship so much, it is the driving force behind human reproduction. the reproduction of our species. makin babbys. its all so beautifully connected, and you cant tear it apart no matter how hard you try.

thats why men want pvssy so much. because the pvssy is really just the gateway to the uterus.

now this doesnt mean that men want to have 900000000 children and take care of them. but they maybe want to have 3 children and take care of them! Or have 3 children and abandon them like a deadbeat. it depends on the situation.

situational awareness. talk about that in your next interview. be like, i can read situations, and read people.  also im married with children, i can handle anything people can throw at me. i can give as good as i can get.

yeah still desperate. still want to email the female. more accurately, i want HER to email me, respond to ME, like i told her so desperately, please respond. its really for the sense of closure than anything else. closure is a gay word, how about Finality. Definitiveness. Decisiveness. Clearness. Unambiguity. Certainty. this will help you Accept the reality that this door is closed and you must find another door. the end of one chapter, the beginning of another. tying up the loose ends. not leaving any unfinished business. equalizing the scales. getting the balance sheet to zero. good karma. whatever you want to call it. i did not get it hahahahaha.

rejections with closure, vs rejections with no closure. rejections with closure are usually the better rejections. easier to handle.

rejections from shitty people with no closure, vs rejections from good people with no closure. she is a good person not a shitty person, but she gave me no closure, and i cant even blame it on her being a shitty person. just a good person doing a kinda shitty thing to me, because i freaked and weirded her out. anyway a no closure rejection form a good person is IMHO the worst kind of rejection. because you feel just left hanging and abandoned, and you can’t blame it on them being a horrible person.

rumination ruination hahahaha.

maybe a woman chooses horrible men, but she is genuinely in love with those men and wants…… i dunno. my point is, women who say its just sex. my response is, women can never say its just sex because sex is different for men and women, because for women they can get pregnant. the consequences are much more severe. this ive repeated 900000000 times and its worth repeating every time.

so if a woman acts like that, that might indeed be a reliable sign that she would be a horrible mother, because she doesn’t respect, understand, or appreciate the power of her own body to make babies, and would probably not think twice about Aborting her Babbys.

Now i think Abortion is not a FUN experience for any woman. And certainly most women have had at least One Abortion, right? i dunno i think i looked that up once hahahaha. no i think theres plenty of women who have never had even one. That would be my ideal woman hahahaha.

but i think the more important thing is, did they have one abortion, say i never want to go through that again, OR, do they get like 10 abortions a year? if they do that latter business, that would be a sign to me they would not be a good mother. because they kill 10 of their children a year hahahahahaha. but its not a child its not even a baby its not even a fetus, its an undeveloped embryo AT BEST hahahaha.

i need to watch more debates between anti-abortion men and pro-abortion women obviously hahahaha.

dont tell me what i can and cant do with my body! my body my choice! dont legislate and criminalize my body!

and then of course like half of abortions are done on women who already have children, they just dont want any MORE at that time. doesnt mean they would necessarily be a horrible mother to their existing child. damn.

well i guess what i’m saying is that one thing i liked about the woman was that she did not like sluts or slutty behavior and seemed a bit of a prude. i always liked this quality in women. what it tells me is that this woman appreciates her own power to get pregnant, and will not go out having sex willy nilly like a slut, and will only have sex within a committed, monogamous, long term relationship, and not with a lot of men, and……. i agree completely with all that! and it all comes back to the power to get pregnant, and really the woman’s acceptance, understanding, and appreciation of this FACT. many women do not appreciate this fact because they say oh wel contraception and abortion exist, i dont have to get pregnant if i dont want to, and if i do, i can always “TAKE CARE” of it.

This is missing the point entirely IMHO. Contraception and abortion are related, but not really relevant to my point: women can get pregnant, men can’t. sperm is cheap, eggs are expensive. eggs are literally BILLIONS of times more expensive than sperm. a man just dumps a load then runs off in the night. the woman gets 9 months of pregnancy and a baby to take care of the rest of her life. how can you not, as a woman especially, understand this? because everyone tells you if it feels good do it, and sex is empowering and always good as long as its consensual and safe. those are the only two things that matter about sex for women.  this is all part of the cultural revolution since the 60s and shit. cultural marxism, feminism, it has trickled down over the decades, and it’s had very real and devastating effects on the minds of youth, who have themselves become adults and had children of their own.

so yeah i guess i would dump a casual load in a woman if she were willing because im a man and i can get away with it. especially if i were horny and there were a willing attractive woman, not that i’ve ever experienced much of that! but hypothetically. all abotu the hypotheticals.

i thought we were closer! i deserve to be treated liek a human being even if i did scare her with my weirdness! waah waaah! my weirdness wasnt weird, it was just True Love that was building up tension!

i mean it really was. i was ready to full blown mongamously long term date this woman! and that is not an every day occurrance!  i had deep feels for her, wanted to Span Time with her, wanted to go on a Weekend Getaway with her.

thats one thing i have a particular yearning for, to go on a mini vacation with a Beloved Woman for a few days, nothing fancy, just like get a cottage near the beach for a few days in the summer, or Road Trip, or something like that. then have mad secs in hotel rooms or cottages or sleeping bags every night.

never got to experience that, was really hoping this woman would be the first hahaha.

so men dont get to have an opinion on abortion because men cant get pregnant. but i didnt think women could get pregnant either, because they dont have to get pregnant if they dont want to hahahahahaha. anyway my fear is that one day i get a woman pregnant and then she has an abortion, i would feel horrible about that, would lose sleep at night, might not even be able to do my job, quit my job, etc. become severely guilt ridden and derpressed, not be able to handle life, etc.

especially if i agreed to that Difficult Decision because I knew i could not take care of a child right now! i guess it would be a lot easier if i were like hurrr durrrr i cant make this decision, then the woman goes and does it, then i would “be able to” blame it on her, like you killed my child you MURDERESS!!!!!! Evil Murderess!!!!! Even though I could probably be pressured into murdering my own child anyway!

so yeah this insane Moral Choice of Abortion makes me want to stay away from women altogether. the only force that can overcome this? you guessed it, true luv. with that woman i would gladly have secs with her every day and risk this moral dilemma.

would it be easier if you didnt Luv the woman but were having Just Secs? and of course its always gonna be a harder decision for the woman than for the man.

and what about people who were not raised in christian or religious homes? because i only have these moral views because ever since i was a prepubescent i was taught that abortion is murder hahahaha.

but a decent number of atheists and nonreligious believe that abortion is murder too.

was supposed to go back out Jogging 27 minutes ago hahaha. yet i sit here writing about uteruses and pregnancy and abortion even though i’ve only had secs like 2 times 10 years ago hahahaha.

GOD must have a reason he is making me carry this cross!

and i have a huge safety net too! I wouldnt be able to do what im doing if i didnt have a safety net! i sometimes wish i didnt HAVE that safety net, that that might have helped me TOUGHEN UP. and become a Tuff Get Going kinda person. resilient, able to deal with life, independent, strong, more confident, etc.

but theres also the chance that the safety net saved my LIFE and without it, i would have ended up on the STREETS and probably K’d myself! hehehehe thats a comforting thought.

uhhhh i would advise joining a support group for derpression or anxiety if you can.

plenty of people are angry and stressed but plenty of people are NOT, too. like at my job, there were a number of people who were often in good moods, did not hate their lives and jobs, one woman was always bubbly and she’s like I LIKE this job, I want to KEEP this job, I LIKE talking to people and helping them. She was in my top tier of people and I tried to get and give moral support to her, and also try to learn from her, and make my attitude more like hers. I will always remember her. i mean she was like 45 years old and married and i was not attracted to her in the least hahaha and she had kids. but she had the best work ethic and the best attitude ever, and i was a bit envious of that. a very strong person. much stronger than i.

BROKEN MAN: PLS RESPOND

aug 1

ive prob linked this before, millennial woes, the need for intimacy, which also has great comments.

now i am a huge anti-feminist who has identified with both mra and mgtow, but i also strongly desire intimacy with a Female Companion, and I do not want to ever give up hope completely, or become bitter, or swear off women, or swear off the idea of an Intimate Relationship with a woman, like some vocal mgtows seem to do.

i desired intimacy with the recent woman, quite a bit, that i was/am heartbroken to get it rejected.

i guess the Good News is that my heart is not completely closed off to this, because i could still feel feelings.

But I also wanted to toughen up and not be so sensitive. I mean i didn’t even have secs with the gurl! didnt even make out with her! so how the hell did i fall in luv so EASILY and Quickly?

but theres the thing: it def was NOT easily or quickly! totally NOT! It took about 2 years of knowing them, to get to this point.

and i think it was this 2 years of platonic friendship that ultimately made the resulting luv so strong, even if there was nothing physical. it felt like strong intimacy because i felt i knew her and felt i was close to her, even i had not filmed myself fooking her in perverted ways hahahahaha. i simply felt very close to her because we had a pretty good friendship, got along well, seemed like a decent connection.

i guess its fair that she does not share my feelings, but i am upset that our so called close friendship did not enable any kind of friendly discussion about the matter.  it was all ignoring, avoiding, and abandonment.

so women haters say thats women, all women are like that, and white knight pussies like me say not all women are like that.

i know shes not a horrible woman, well not yet anyway. she might be on her way to horribleness now though hahaha. and she starts her journey towards being a horrible person, by being horrible to me hahahaha.

well we are not supposed to BLAME anybody, we just accept it and say it wasnt meant to be, it just didnt work out, its no ones fault.  i mean its not technically her fault that she doesnt feel the same way.

anyway i just want to not become a bitter woman hater because of all muh rejections from women. i want to still be able to fall in luv again, BUT i also want to become tougher and less sensitive.

BUT its not like i’m falling in love with every woman i meet. it only happens once every couple years. and its not like i rushed into this thing with the recent woman. it all happened quite naturally. nothing was forced or rushed. unfort when my feelings switched on, the timing was extremely bad for her. i guess the timing was great for me, and bad for her. and ever since then its as if she read my mind and began pulling away, which was very painful, and culminated in its horrible climax recently.

is it because so far in my life, i’ve only focused on “pre-wall” women? hehehehehe maybe. i mean for me, pre-wall is kinda a necessary condition for luv to develop. i have never developed feelings for an Old Woman. but who knows, maybe i will in the future.

anyway i dont want to become one of those broken man woman haters which they accuse some mgtows of being. even though i do agree with much of mgtow: that marriage is a bad deal for men, and that cultural marxism has produced a generation of women that are horrible at relationships and bad news for men. but not all women!!! hahahaha.

but yeah this heartbreak is particularly devastating and i dont want it to break me. also its connected to a job loss so thats rough too. i mean i could probably go back to this job in a few months, but……i dont think id be able to handle seeing the woman again. on the job. unless we happily got together lol.

basically it was a total worst case scenario of a PLZ RESPOND situation. desparation for a response, for communication. i went cray cray over the lack of response. this is like the most omega autistic thing you can ever do, to quit your job and have your heartbroken because of PLZ RESPOND.

i guess i believed that strongly that i was entitled to some kind of response because of our “history.” this wasnt somebody that i knew only for a couple months.

oh god i know i used the exact words please respond!!!!!!!! foooooook me. but i still argue that when you know someone for a couple years, that they should respond to you rather than throwing you away like garbage hahahaha.

i wasnt always this week. even a few months ago i was much stronger. yet still lazy as hell, still angry, super angry, super lazy, super helpless, and still perturbed about this woman situation. but things are 900000000 times worse now. like i say. total rock bottom here.

i was never really a huge please respond sort of beta to her until recently.

but i quickly came to embody all the the sick please respond desperation.

i keep mentioning please respond because i just became aware of it as a minor meme; and i used those exact words; and deeply identify with that desperation; and realize this is not something normal people do. this is something extremely fooked up losers do. people that are permanently broken and may never be able to recover. that is what i am worried about it. that you survive but dont really recover. never really bounce back. just survive as a shell of your former self, which was not too impressive to begin with, but at least you were holding down a 15DAHJ (Dollar An Hour Job) hahahhahaha. and coming close to doing the bare minimum of life. and might have had a shot at luv to boot.

and now you are at total plz respond broken man rock bottom; and wonder if you had had more experience when you were younger, would you have handled this better? she was in a rel for 4 years and knows what its like to be in a long term rel with plenty of ups and downs, secs, luv, nights cuddling together, years with a person. yet i do not know any of that except in my fantasies, and have never been able to stay with a woman longer than like 2 or 3 months, never anything long term, cuz always get dumped during the short term. and that was 10 years ago when i could actually get gurls to make out with me for 2 months. now cant even do that lol. cuz i am old bald and fat and cant hold down a job and cant get a decent job lol.

hehehehe dont think this is helping lol.

but yeah i am angry and hurt and broken because i did feel honestly entitled to some sort of talk rather than just complete and total abandonment and cutting all ties without a word, feel sort of hosed, feel like i’ve been screwed and treated unfairly. hey i mean even an email would have been better than nothing. hence the please respond. please give me something. and i thought i at least meant something to this person as a friend. i mean they honestly used to like me somewhat, and would not have treated me like this in the past, before the gradual freeze out started. it is never easy when someone is close to you then they pull away because they dont want to be close to you any more.

cuz you have a history of things being good, before they go bad. its not like they were NEVER good.

i mean if i ever dumped a gurl, which i prob never will hahahahaha, i would try to make it easy on them, and also appreciate their pain, the pain i was causing them, and then myself try to act in such a way to give me as good karma as possible, and hurt them as little as possible, and to Facilitate the Healing Process for them. I would say i’m sorry 90000 times, and let them talk to me, and vent to me, and I would respond as honestly as i could, and even pay a dumping fee hahahahaha. i know how it hurts to be dumped or rejected and i would want to minimize the pain. i am not receiving that kind of compassionate rejection right now hahahaha. it is just the coldest worst thing, from a person i thought could never be capable of something so cold.  and mourning the almost 3 years that i have known them, when i first met them as a sweet young gurl, in a probably unhappy rel, and we got along instantly and easily, in a way that i rarely do with people, let alone young gurls.

at that time it was bad timing for me, i didnt have luv feelings for her until a few years later, when she was officially done with her rel. and probably that prompted me, helped changed things for me. but i wasnt’ going around like a little cuck beta for years saying please respond please date me. that didnt happen till 10 short months ago. hahahaha.

in the past week the idea of “cuckservative” became a semi mainstream meme and i think its great. on 4chan people have been calling each other cucks for years, really thats the most important thing to be mainstreamized imho, the idea of a CUCK, ie, a weak man who bends over and takes it up the ass and says give me more please, i deserve this, becuase i am such an unmanly weak omega male that i gladly get fooked, i would gladly give my women away to more masculine men; please, fook my gurlfran and wife and daughter, please, fook me in the ass.

being a cuck is shameful as fook, thats why its such a great insult. i think it applies to a lot more men than just “cuckservatives” but its a good point of entry because it accurately describes them.

this is perhaps related to donald trumps popularity as a masculine political outsider who does not say pc things, so he would be the least cucked, in other words, and make the establishment republicans look like pussies.

there are plenty of good articles out there you can read on this interesting new meme. but IMHO its just fun to see the idea of CUCK out there, not necessarily cuckservative, but just the promotion of the idea that being a cuck SUCKS. and that men are going to Rise Up and stop enjoying being Cucked. Men will say Stop Cucking Me, B1tch! I deserve better! I will no longer Prep My Wife’s Bull!

there CAN be a racial aspect to cucks, usually wimpy white men and their attractive white women getting torn apart by Big Black Bulls; but IMHO Cuckoldry doesn’t REQUIRE this racial aspect, just that your woman is getting fooked (and loving it!) by a man more MASCULINE than you. its all about the alpha male stealing the beta male’s mate. you certainly can ADD racial aspects to it, and they go along with it quite naturally, but you dont HAVE to.

anyway please respond is something a total CUCK would say. and now the woman can go through a string of Much More Masculine Men. how did i think i ever had a chance. well probably because we were pretty close at one point, and at some points she gave hints of liking me. before i liked her though. then i never saw another hint as soon as i started liking her. you can see how this can eat a man up hahahahaha.

BEING A DESK CLERK REQUIRES SO MUCH MORE SKILL & EDUCATION NOWADAYS

* Do your own readings of stuff. for example I came back to one of my favourite blogs after not reading it for a few months, and found a few New Classic articles they’d written since, along with Epic Comment Threads. I thought, gee, wouldn’t it be neat if they could have this discussion in Talk Radio format. and then I thought of doing a dramatic, passionate Reading of the original post, the comments, interspersed with my Own Commentary as someone who has an Informed Opinion on these writers and Their Opinions.

Because I prefer listening to speakers rather than reading words many times. Speakers really bring the words to life. I would do a Reading of All My Blogs if I didn’t care so much about muh anonymity.

mon 852 am sept 23 2013

ok. so, do a “mood monitor” for every day. make a spreadsheet or graph. put down the WORST you felt that day (1 thru 10), what TIME that was; and then the BEST you felt that day, what time THAT was; and then estimate an AVERAGE of your mood throughout the day.

This will give you a much clearer picture of Your Moods Throughout the day. you already know you have good times and bad times throughout the day. mood changes from horrible to slightly better at various times. but it can be tricky knowing when you can expect what.  But this way, if you start feeling real bad, you have more evidence with which to say, THIS TOO SHALL PASS, I’m just as my relative minimum for the day.

Even use a Free Spreadsheet to log it if you want, and make a nice Graph of the Function.

Spreadsheet might be best and easiest. Because I KNOW you probably wanna Analyze this Data, because it’s about as relevant to your own life as it gets.

Alternately: check your mood at certain times every day, like 3 times a day. When you get up, middle of your day, and right before bed. that might be a little tryhard though, and also you’re focusing in on times, rather than on Best and Worst Moods, and those I think are the important things to rememb.

Anyway, say you feeeeeeeeeel like ending it all, then you notice it’s X o clock, and now you know that there’s a pattern there, so you can say, THIS TOO SHALL PASS, especially if you tend to Feeeeeel happier a few hours after that.

LUST is a Building Block of Love. Sometimes we slowly build up some quite signif love on top of a base of lust. And there’s nothign wrong with that, indeed, now I’m thinking lust is NECESSARY fro True Love to develop. Last wimmin I was in LOVE with, there was DEFINITELY a REAL portion of LUST in there. I mean I wanted her to SOMF All Day, Every Day, Till The End Of Time. But because I saw her semi regularly, and liked her personality as well as her body, and decided I was going to Make An Effort to Court Her. and as this effort grew and time passed, so was the Love I Molding in with the Lust. So not only did I want her to SOMF, I wanted ONLY her to SOMF, and For Ever, and also to do Massive Cuddling, and Marrying, and Growing Old, and Babies, and Handholding, and Summer Weekends At The Lake Cottage, and Winters Cuddling, and Movie Night, and Date Night, and Making Out, etc.

But that chapter is closed, that too has passed, though I still think about her sometimes OBVIOUSLY. But Thank GOD I don’t actually have to SEE her, hopefully that last time (2 months ago??) was THE last time.

Anyway. Love Does Include Lust. Perhaps the Lust is the source of the Craziness/Insanity of Love.

Love and Lust
hehehehehe I saw this in the suggested pics and just HAD to (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So there’s a Woman I get along with Real Well and would prob be a good mother of my Chillunz, and a good Wife, however I have absolutely NO lust for her. However I would seriously consider Marriage and Children with her IF there were an agreement to get Muh Lust on Extramaritally. The gotcha is, what if one of those Extramartial Lusts turns into a True Love as with Girl7, ie becomes a wimmin I REALLY wanna WifeChilluns? Which Way is the Better way? WifeChilluns with a woman you get along with real well but No Lust, or, WifeChilluns with a Woman that’s The Whole Damn Package? Noting that with The Whole damn Package, it can be a lot harder to Get

* Force Yourself to Get Interested in Investment and Financial Planning so you can Save for the Long Term. Because if you’re Lucky Enough to have a JOb with a Pension, you prob won’t be Lucky Enough to actually GET that pension when you old, because the Plutocrats like it when you Die, and you have no legal protection against that. Your Pension is not guaranteed. The only thing that IS guaranteed is the Gold you bury in the backyard, assuming no-one steals that. pull a walter white with barrels of cash buried underground.

Put As Much Money as you can into your 401k if you have one. Real Good Employers will actually MATCH your contribution…….but that’s only if you’re a Top 2% Elite, went to HYPSM, and have a HYPSM Career Job, hahahaha, so, no need to even mention it here. If you had a decent job you wouldn’t BE a Loser!

If you

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nope.

10:24 am, tues, sept 24 2013

ok.

* take a few minutes to Make A Spreadsheet like I described above. I went and did this. It Worked like a magic bullet. I made one google spreadsheet book, with three sheets.

1: MoodMonitor: Day, Date, Lowest, TimeLowest, Highest, TimeHighest, Overall, Comments

2: DailySched:Day Mon thru Sun,, date, 12 am thru 11pm, 1 hour per line, essentially a daily calendar, but more anal than Google Calendar, or maybe not. where needed, split into half hours.

3: Achievements: Day, Date, Task, Duration in minutes, enjoyment, difficult, achievement, comments. This is when you force yourself to do Responsible Person chores, errands, and Responsibilities. the stuff you should do, but always procrast on because you’re a lazy loser. homework, jobsearch, exercise, shopping, errands, cleaning, appointments. basically the idea is, you dread doing the stuff and put it off, but if you FORCE yourself to do it, it’s usually NOT as painful as you expect, AND you get a HUGE sense of accomplishment from actually doing the thing, and THAT is the pleasure or enjoyment you’re looking for. It comes AFTER, and offsets the sense of dread before. This is how Good Habits are Built, doing this kinda stuff every day. So you turn it into a spreadsheet, so now you have Tangible Physical Measurements and Data to Convince your Diseased Brain.

So now I have that. kinda a work in progress, just crapped it out as fast as possible, you can’t be a perfectionist with these spreadsheets, just start them. like that 3rd one, still not sure the terms to use / variables to measure / etc.

and then if you have a smartphone like all the other jerkoff degenerates, you can easily update this from the comfort of your bed or lazy chair.

* protip: watch JEOPARDY every day if you can. there is some real feelgood medicine right there. get real competitive with the people on the telly. shout out the answers. call them f4gg0ts and racist slurs. if you have any friends, watch jeopardy with them and compete with them too. it is a shame to forget abotu and not watch jeopardy, because it will improve your life and health. and it’s frighteningly easy to FORGET it’s even there. don’t forget to pick up the $500 bill on the sidewalk right in front of you!!!

schedule it in your Daily Activity Schedule, every day at 7:30 pm!!

* When you take your Pants off at the end of a Long Day, try Spraying Lysol into the Crotch/Buttocks/Thighs region to Freshen them up for the next time you wear them. Because you probably have less pants than shirts, and prob wear pants more inbetween washings, plus if you have a lot of pants, then that sucks for doing laundry because 1 pants = like 3 shirts. So this is a great Workaround to Freshen the pants inbetween wearings.

* Also do the same thing with your Shoes at the end of the day. Just a tiny spritz to kill the smelly bacteria.

* Lookup “fake name generator”, lord that is fun! It also conveniently links to a Fake Email Generator for every Fake Name. I used it to sign up for OKCupid and Adult Friend Finder using ridiculous fake names. Because you gotta Sign Up in order to view profiles on these sites. Anyway AFF is for all intents and purposes a PAY site, you have to PAY to view people’s full profiles! So that sucks. And on OKC you have to upload a picture to look at other people’s pictures. i guess you could upload a fake picture, but that’s not a recommendation, they can prob ban you for that.

anyway the fake email is not secure, anyone can look at it, and it gets deleted every 24 hours. it is good enough for clicking on the confirmation email to prove you’re not a robot, though.

not sure if this will work for facebook, cuz I think they do some stupid sh1t like needing a phone number.

yep the site autogenerates a Username and Password for your fake “identity” too! REAL convenient and easy! just make sure you save them in your browser so you don’t forget.

fri, 1146am, sept 27 2013

day off, scheduled to do a “godawful chore” for 1 hour right now, but I might do that later, gotta post a post at least ONCE a week!

#BreakingBadMarathon hahahaha

Yes, the entire SERIES deserves to be watched twice. 120 hours of Television Watching. Three Whole Fulltime Job Work Weeks. Probably enough to justify putting on your Resume as an Unpaid Internship (remembering it takes One Thousand Hours of Unpaid Internship to Prove Your Worthy of an Entry Level Fulltime $12 an Hour Job (assuming you also have your Educational Credentials.)).

“CREDENTIALISM”, there’s a tag/subject I should be using more. I fully believe it that people of average intelligence (100 IQ, maybe even 90, way dumber than US, is what I’m saying, we Neet Lazy Losers are prob closer to the neighborhood of 120!) can LEARN how to do MOST jobs with a little bit of training and time.

Perfect example: you shouldn’t need a HOSPITALITY DEGREE to work at a HOTEL DESK. You never USED to need to! Because you don’t NEED 4 years of College to learn how to serve customers at a Desk! A Grade school Dropout could learn, given a little bit of training, and some Time to get him over the Learning Curve! But NOW we have HOSPITALITY degrees to prove you really WANT to work in a HOTEL for your career. CREDENTIALISM. Too many people, too few JOBS.

credentialism

hehehe. I hear the h1 tags are good for the search engine.

Anyway. all the people might be right that Breaking Bad is the best show of all time. I have been Caught Up for quite a while and haven’t seen the older seasons in a LOOOONNNGGGG time, so those almost seem like a Different Show. Jane Dying, the first appearance of Gus Fring, Hank getting shot, the FLy in the lab episode, Walter first telling Skyler about his secret life, Skyler lying to Marie about the “gambling”, etc. Really complicated show, and things really do grow bit by bit. quite amazing. Walt seems so Innocent when he is a Small Time Meth Dealer, than what he is now. Walt really changes, while Jesse doesn’t seem to change as much, he always stays The Good Guy despite all the stuff that happens to him. He gets Crippling Depressed and Moody and Shuts Down, but IMHO he always stays the good guy.

And it’s fun watching older episodes even when you know where it’s all gonna end up. can’t say that for most movies or shows. so yeah. quite amazing. watch it. twice. guaranteed 120 hours of fun that will Uplift You.  Much better than Game Of Thrones, which is Depraved, Violent, Immoral, Degenerate Filth.

Heck. Over your lifetime, you might even be able to watch it THREE times.  For example, how does Jesse go from Jane to Andrea so quickly, is he just “transfering”, is it for real, but more importantly, why do we believe it’s real?

And let me emphasize how HILARIOUS the show it. Especially in the older seasons, before it got Super Serious and Major People started Dying. Not just Hilarious, but Better Written, More Hilarious, Funny Comedy than The Average Comedy Show! So, truly Superior Laffs! TOP Lel!!

ok. perfect example of something important. I shceduled the “godawful chore” for ONE measly hour, that I would go to the store and buy SHOES as QUICKLY as possible, the whole idea was to do it all, back and forth, buying the shoes, as FAST as f00king possible, so that the WHOLE task, driving and all, would take less than one hour. I still might do this later today. And then write it down in that Spreadsheet under the Achievements page. I know there would be:

A HUGE sense of satisfaction

it wouldn’t be AS BAD as I’ve built it up to be

The huge sense of Accomplishment would even outweigh what I’ve built it up to be in my Worst Nightmare!

Not to be narcissistic me me me me I I I I. I want you to apply these situations to yourself too, since I know you’ve prob faced the exact same thing.

If you’re looking for a few more hours of Nondrug fun, check out the Deep Web for a while. There is some RIDICULOUS stuff there. I shouldn’t say nondrug per se, because many people use it to buy lotsa drugs. But other ridiculous stuff: there’s this thing where you can buy a HIT MAN for $10,000 USD per Hit. Heh. Makes you think about the Value Of Human Life. They do say, no people under 16, and no “Top Ten” politicians.  (NOTE: I AM MORALLY AGAINST AND DO NOT RECOMMEND MURDER OR PUTTING OUT HITS!)

Or buying Counterfeit Money. 100000 dollars worth of 50 dollar bills for 5000, hehehe. Now, passing counterfeit bills is certainly not as morally bad as MURDER, though I still don’t recommend it!!! If you get really desperate though, it might be a good last resort. heh. probably less morally reprehensible than welfare, hahahaha.

but yeah. like breaking bad, the deep web is a really FUN and INTERESTING thing that will get you out of your own head for a while. Just don’t do anything illegal or immoral! I Officially Recommend that you NOT do anything illegal or immoral on the Deep Web!

ok. get shoes. some real people really swear by zappos.com. that might be worth a try.

Edit/Update: ok i am looking at zappos for the first time, and i am actually impressed. not bad. might actually take the plunge. seem like better shoes than they have elsewhere. almost too many choices though. def worth looking at.  $50 and under OF COURSE.  hope there is a fool proof way of measuring your own foot.

if you do a lot of walking, get some bare bones “walking” shoes and add some fancy dr scholls inserts to them.

for underemployment, get the cheapest shoes you can that look nice, then add fancy inserts to them.

all right, take care of yourselves, DON’t K yourselves, It Gets Better, hehehehe, no but it really can, just do your spreadsheets, don’t marry, stay in skool, hahahaha, being a Secretary involves so much more Skill & Education than it did 40 years ago, hahahaha, tell your family and friends you Just Don’t INterview Well, get some new clothes, but don’t spend more than One Hour, go out and buy One piece of new clothing As QUICKLY as you possibly can and tell me you don’t feeeeeeeeeeeel haaaaaaaaaaaaappier.

INTRO pt 10: TOUGHEN UP, SSRIs, CHECK ENGINE LIGHT, GOOD OLD FASHIONED HARD WORK

yeah we ALL could have done things Differently in the past. Any number of simple things that probably would have been very effective, logically. I could have joined the military at 18, or gotten a good degree rather than a bad degree. but maybe i would have gotten bombed and lost my legs and gone crazy from that, or maybe i would have dropped out of skool altogether after failing thermodynamics and become a drug dealer and gone to jail where I would have been raeped up the ass and hanged myself.

we cannot change the past, don’t worry about the past. don’t worry too much about anything, but don’t do unhealthy stuff either. just try to be healthy in every thing you do. ask if what you’re doing, thinking, or eating is healthy. if not, don’t do, think, or eat it.

did i point out that the goofy stuff like squat-pooping or no-soap showering probably isn’t gonna Fix You all in one fell swoop. those are not cure-alls. they’re just interesting things to try, if you’re interested.

be open to doing 30 day experiments with yourself. For example, you’re not supposed to be hateful. In fact, too much hate probably IS unhealthy, but I see no reason why a LITTLE hate can’t be healthy. But after a recent setback, i said I was gonna be as hateful as I could possibly be, until X time limit. OK that time limit was about 3 months but I found I could not be hateful that long!

Try 30 days. Be as hateful as you possibly can, all day, every day, for 30 days. you will prob get all the hate out of your system, or at least the excess unhealthy hate. that over-the-top hate that’s not helping you.

if you see an ethnic person being very obnoxious and annoying, feel free to call them by a “hateful” ethnic slur, no matter what Educated or Enlightened or Successful people or Wimmin would say. F00k them, f00k what they would say, they’re weak faggots.

A goal here is to TOUGHEN YOU UP (and me too!). I swear I’m gonna do it. It’s nothing to be scared of. You know you WANT to be tougher. It’s just so tough. Well the good news is you don’t have to do it alone, me and you are gonna Get Tuff Together.

There’s an argument that Porno is OK if it keeps from being a Slave To Women, as long as you aren’t a Porn Addict about it. The Internet Guy mentions 15 minutes once every 3 days. Heh. I GUESS that’s not as bad as it could be, like 30 minutes every day, that would be horrible. He was arguing that Sexual Release is a positive thing. He DOES have a point. But you CAN get that release WITHOUT looking at Porn. So try that.

Also sometimes a period of NO Sexual Release can be a healthy thing too. Try THAT for 30 days. “No Fap Challenge” is what it’s called. Give that little experiment a shot. It’s all about experimenting with your own body, mind, and soul, finding what works and what doesn’t. Will take some trial and error. Some error is inevitable.

Should you take MEDS? SSRI’S? Prozac? Paxil? Effexor? Wellbutrin? Seroxat? Cymbalta? Abilify? I know for damn sure you’ve THOUGHT about it. That you have been DESPERATE enough to think, I’ll do just about anything, yep, my spirit has been crushed to the point where I’ll take those weird, evil, mind-numbing MEDS, I’m at the bottom of the barrel, I don’t know what else to do.

If you feel that way I probably can’t stop you. I actually tried them myself. The desperation keep increasing so I was like, f00k this sh1t, gimme a higher dose. Higher dose. Nope, still A Loser, better up the dose again, nothing else is gonna work, until I was taking like 60 mg of paxil a day. Then I figured this was breddy high for that. I really didn’t feeeel much better, plus i started worrying that, hey, they don’t really know the long term effects of these drugs, and I sure as hell don’t trust the FDA or the Pharm Industry to look out for my best interests, what if 20 years from now, I can’t create any serotonin whatsoever without the help of a Drug, a Drug that’s manipulating and possibly frying my brain?

So Against Medical and Professional Advice I stopped taking it. Don’t feel much better, don’t feel much different, but at least I can tell myself that I don’t have a drug permanently frying my brain. But I already prob already permanently fried my brain with alcohol and drugs. However I don’t want to fry it any more.

I have taken the Jung Perspective that “Depression” aka “Lazy Loserness” is NOT a DISEASE like Your Doctor and Professionals and TV tells you; that it is a SYMPTOM of whatever the ACTUAL problem is. It’s a CHECK ENGINE LIGHT. The light isn’t the problem; the light is telling you to look under the hood because there IS a problem, and we must investigate further to find what THAT problem is, and fix THAT.

I think for most of us, it doesn’t take that long of tinkering under the hood to see the ACTUAL problem: our lives are going nowhere, we are losers, we are virgins, we are fat and out of shape and anxious and cowardly and lazy; we have bad jobs; we’ll never get a good job or a good mate; we’re huge loser failures. And IMHO no amount of Pills is gonna fix that. There’s only one thing that will fix that, and you already KNOW what it is.

Good Hard Old Fashioned WORK! But it’s one day at a time, so that’s not so bad. The work isn’t SO HARD that you can’t do it. Sometimes it’s just as easy as walking out the door for a 20 minute walk. Or closing the 4chan page. Or finding a quiet place away from screeching teens, even if you just go into a bathroom stall. or going to the park and looking at trees and not having to listen to roaring traffic. or saying thank you that you don’t have cancer, that you have a place to live, that you aren’t in jail. or realizing that it’s ok to be a little bit hateful. that it’s ok if you prefer people of your own race. as long as you’re not going out and hurting anybody.

Now I’m NOT encouraging a Decadent, Hedonistic, Shallow view of “If It Makes You FEEL GOOD, DO IT!” leading to drugs and gluttony and promiscuous sex. I am a pretty Traditional Morals kinda guy. I think Today’s Women are too promiscuous. I think people too often Separate Sex and Love, and this Should Not Be. Recipe for Disaster and Soul Murder. Ok I will be back.