MORE IMPOSTOR THAN DUNNING KRUGER

dec 5

WOW JUST WOW. heres a FIRST in mother fooking almost a year and a half, in fookin 16.5 almost 17 months to be exact, the famous first is that i went to a JOB today and earned MONAY. That much feelsgoodman but I also feel impostor syndrome, like i am a dumb weirdo and these people are giving me a chance but i am too slow on the uptake, im not taking that chance, i’m not ATTACKING it, and they will be disappointed in me.

the job itself seems SUPER LOW STRESS and everybody was chill and happy. I mean i have really hit the jackpot there. i should give some money to GOD right now for that. AND I know this woman that works there, i used to work with her 3+ years ago, she is a good person, saw her today.

there is technically a lot of stuff to learn but i didnt feel the PRESSURE to learn all this crazy shit FAST and EXPLAIN it to frustrated people who are gonna GRILL you on it. so its safe to say this job will be a LOT EASIER and a LOT LOWER STRESS than my previous job. which is awesome.

the people are nice and available for questions. HOLY SHIT.

on one hand i just want to survive one day at a time.

on the other hand, i want to ATTACK IT and SHOW INITIATIVE and PROVE MYSELF and EARN RESPECT.

i dont want to be a TIMID MILQUETOAST.

Like so one guy with a masters degree is helping the other guy with the masters degree with the software and I am watching and learning, and Im like these are successful people who are Good At Adulting, who have got masters degrees and Reaped The Benefits by having Good Career Jobs.

and here i am, a huge loser who cant get a job for 16 months sitting there trying to look smart and ask smart questions and act normal like i am a normie adult, when i am super far from being a normie adult.

i guess the thing is to “FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT” and really i will have to do a lot less of that here.

just remind myself this is NORMAL the FIRST DAY OF A DAMN JOB.

its been a while since i had the FIRST DAY OF A NEW JOB. it has been fookin THREE YEARS since that. well, 2.95 years hahaha.

transitions can be stressful even if the job is not stressful.

be mindful. let the thoughts float away. the judgments about muh self. just try to be nice to the people.

i mean i am ALWAYS nice but i am also Timid and I don’t want that.

also i can’t do much because there is a lot that is tied to my email/login stuff, and apparently the IT dept has a Policy where they cant get my account set up until after I have started my first day.  not before!

well i gave them 30 minutes of unpaid time today just to tie up some meeting stuff, like talking to the boss, etc.

the people here are very chill about getting there on time hahaha. i forgot about that. this workplace, ive worked at it before, from about 2009 to about 2013, and there were many many things i liked about it. and i am seeing that much of that, like the chill setting and the nice people, might carry over. and here i will have even LESS direct customer contact. but muh customers will be a generally higher level. masters degree people hehehehe.

yeah but there are some people in the dept that DONT have a masters degree.

i decided not to bring donuts on the VERY FIRST DAY becuase that would look TRYHARD, like i am DESPERATE to be liked and accepted. i can bring donuts another day. prob my last day of this week which is thursday.

i asked them about coffee. people like to drink coffee. great i said. i have some folgers at home i can bring in for everyone to use. there is a mr coffee for folgers and also a keurig machine. a goddam keurig. i guess its not THAT fancy. i mean im open to having a cup of keurig once in a while but i am a folgers man every day.

i wore dark blue dress slacks and a decent fitting Poplin/Oxford Dress Shirt, white with blue stripes. I looked pretty good. I made a half joke about how I could wear a tie if you think that would be good.

Wore black skechers shoes which are NICE but they are also too BIG. I shouldnt have bought them but this was over 3 years ago I bought these shoes. I actually wore them when i was working at this place the first time. jeez.  so this time i would go to WALMART and get some nice black shoes for reasonable price.

i mean i just gotta RELAX and be MINDFUL and not FREAK OUT. i mean theres NO REASON to freak out. everyone is NICE, they are not pushing weird shit on me, all this is OBVIOUSLY in my own head.

BATTLEMIND.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battlemind

military toughness mental training. how to stay cool in COMBAT. I should really look into this. just learned this word today hehehe.

i am thinking of making like 10 hamburgers patties at once on a cookie sheet in the OVEN. then put the burgers in the freezer. then i can eat a Hamburger for a snack while i am at muh job, if i am not so nervous and spazz that I cannot even think of eating.

i mean it is a mental thing now. everyone there is nice, its just my own INSECURITY and Inferiority Complex that I’m fighting against.

and here i’ve been reading a ton of job related shit while at home. well i kinda wanted to. again just becoming more familiar with the field in general. i suppose it would be better ot study the exact stuff in particular, the software, well i sort of did.

should try to see if i can sync a google drive folder on the job computer. might be restricted tho. but i can get to the google drives website. cuz they are sharing google documents with my gmail address, ie they intentionally use google docs to share stuff. i mean why not.

shit i forgot to ask the boss about his phd program. and his kids. and his previous jobs. 99% sure he is a democrat and might be a progressive activist one. he is big on education and worked in Inner City schools and certainly believes that poor blacks kids are every bit as capable and smart as privileged huhwhyte kids. and he has had a successful career, plenty of respect, and a wife and 3 kids to encourage his Weltanschauung hahahaha. he clearly is doing things right!

credit Salty Seaman with his parody of Kyke cernovich’s “gorilla mindset” with “chimpanzee weltanschauung” hehehehe.

http://english.stackexchange.com/questions/17908/whats-the-difference-between-weltanschauung-and-worldview

fooking intellectuals just jerking each other off hahahaha.  see this is one reason i dont want a masters degree. or especially a phd. its all mental masturbation .

anyway the boss is a good guy. i just wish he were a Rightist instead of probably a Leftist.

Well I think HIS boss is more of a rightist than a leftist hahaha. he already has his phd hahaha. but from a less prestigious skool. one of those classic working career adult completes phd in their spare time much like a MBA or something. i mean thats a good accomplishment too. the guy is obviously a hard worker, very ambitious, persistent, tough, BATTLEMIND, all good qualities. this guy is VERY masculine and somewhat intimidates me. shit he was also my boss’s boss 3-4 years ago so yeah I sorta know him. he is everybodys boss.

ambitious people dont like unambitious people and vice versa, sez famous negroball coach nick saban. for me this is hauntingly true. ive never been ambitious although i could have been successful if i were, cuz i used to have a good brain. but never had the work ethic. so people that DO have a strong work ethic, i worry about them looking DOWN on me as a Lazy Bum who doesnt Wanna Work Hard. Theyre not wrong, but I dont think that makes me a horrible person hhahahahahaha. but this guy is very ambitious and i dont want him to look down on me, cuz i respect him and what he’s done. thats a big part of it too, you dont want people YOU respect to disrespect YOU. you think someone is a good role model, and they think you are a lazy bum.

well he doesnt think i am a lazy bum. i hear he thought pretty highly of me when i interviewed with him once for a FT job in 2014. i guess i actually can sound sort of smart in interviews. then once i get the job i sound like an idiot hahahahaha.

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/80549/does-using-documentation-as-a-developer-make-me-look-unprofessional

heh. this guy is worried that looking stuff up makes him look dumb to his coworkers, because he doesnt automatically know it. never mind asking them dumb questions!

thankfully the responses are largely no, what you are doing is smart and good.

dec 6

everyone at the job is nice and there is no pressure, but i am putting a ton of pressure on myself to be smart and impressive and funny and likeable and normie and charismatic and fun and smart and a team player and a value adder and asking smart questions not dumb questions.

everyone is also super accomplished, basically everyone i work with or talk to has a masterz degree or a phd but they dont have a big head about it either. now i want masters degree people to know i am every bit as smart as they are…..but i dont want to get a masters degree. they are ambitious and career oriented so they were very motived to get an advanced degree. i am not. but i cant say that here. like yeah im just as smart as you, i just didnt want to work as hard. but they arent such workaholics that they arent nice, or are weird. everybody is nice and has families and children. sometimes i want to say “you know i only make 11 dollars an hour and dont have a masters degree in this field right? i mean im not an idiot and my undergrad was better than your undergrad hahahahaha but then i went off the reservation and became a loser after that point.

but everyone is very understanding and theyre like yeah i know thats a lot of stuff to be thrown at you.

it KINDA is, but not any more than i had before, plus the important part is, i dont have to answer phones all day and fix things for users of this software and explain it, while having nothing but the Documentation to assist me in that chore, and experts were very unavailable. here, the experts are just chilling out and you are sitting in a room right next to them with the phone only ringing once an hour! its SUCH a different environment, 180, i mean its 14880000000000180 times BETTER and more POSITIVE!!!!!!

Just some person with a masters degree in tech, whos an expert in these tools, who can answer any question I or the users have, explain everything, who WELCOME feedback and complaints and feature requests, dont just bark im busy read the documentation. its INSANE. no WONDER these people have masters degrees and years of experience, to have such good chill career jobs.

Basically everyone is a damn instructor too. all these people are teaching college classes on the damn side. To the point where I have to laugh sheepishly and say, now i’ve never actually taught a class before, because all these people have taught classes! They are all teachers!!!!!!

so yeah. much more of the impostor sydrome than the dunning kruger effect hahahaha.

i have been studying quite a bit when i get home, was going a training module today on a major piece of software.

Used the coffee maker today and one of our clients said that is some good coffee, reminds me of the maxwell house we used to drink at home when i was young. I said thank you thats the first pot o coffee ive ever made here hahahaha today is my second day.

he was an afro-american man with an MBA, very intelligent and well dressed hahahahahaha.

if most of the Black Men you met were like THAT, you might very well not be a racist, but be a damn pro-black, anti-white, anti-racist!!!!! no he was all right, i had no beef with him, clearly a Talented Tenth and would be welcome in my white nation hahahaha.

only working 6 hours a day which is perfect…..then come home and do some studying, and now i should go for a powerwalk, and thinking of bed at 8pm, i mean only 2 days in, of only 6 hour shifts, and i am feeling a crunch on my time in other words.  but i guess thats to be expected. will take a LITTLE getting used to.  so dont get NERVOUS or FREAK OUT about it. just ACCEPT IT. RADICAL ACCEPTANCE. DBT.

yassssssssssss rich spencer live at texas a&m, the skypes did not shut him down, its happening RIGHT NOW and there seems to be an enthusiastic crowd.

also some great uppity shitlibs. this is a Good School and is gonna get PhD level shitlibs and marxists.

yeah well spencer got into a phd program at duke, hahahaha.

shit i gotta go back and listen to this whole thing just to hear all the college leftists in detail and how he responds to them in detail. i missed the first hour of this.

but there needs to be a lot more of this, directly engaging and debating college shitlibs, uhhh because im not good at it hahahaha and really want to listen to someone who is confident and good at it.

TRS goys and univ shitlib marxist BLM together in the audience. NOICE. I gotta read more about this event. and the stuff that went on before, after, outside, nearby.

ebonic talking black female talking about whites doing genocide, youre building this country on the backs of black slaves.

i mean yeah you are gonna find the BEST (ie the worst, slimiest, most twisted) shitlibs at big, reputable univs like TAM, so yeah, more of this. lots more of this. YEAH BUDDY.

i wanna hear him and our side debate and argue with the other side, i dont hear it enough.

faggy philosophy student talking his love of logic and logicians from aristotle to russel, this is exactly what i want to hear, what i want spencer to BTFO, and which i cant handle, cuz i have no patience for hardcore logic hahahaha.

oh shit college “conservative” wanting to tell spencer he stands with the left to condemn spencers hateful rhetoric, how brave bantz spencer. RS is doing really well at this IMHO, needs to do this EVERY DAY. against even MORE hostile crowds.

http://boards.4chan.org/pol/thread/101841991/richard-spencer-at-texas-am-university

http://archive.is/iOEGP

https://twitter.com/search?f=tweets&vertical=news&q=richard%20spencer%20texas%20a%26m&src=refgoogle

http://www.dallasnews.com/news/texas/2016/12/06/protests-unity-event-texas-am-aim-drown-speech-alt-right-dallas-native-richard-spencer

2000 people PROTESTING him

whites with a phd in genetics asking how you determine white identity. god damn i hope that white guy is jooish. sadly he is probably an antiwhite white i fooking luv science! type shitlib. thankfully spencer is giving it right back to them, calling them fat idiots.

https://www.periscope.tv/w/1gqxvRrdNkqxB

i made muh first discord post to share this link i found in the 504um hahahahaha

http://time.com/4592947/students-protest-white-nationalist-richard-spencer-texas-am/?xid=tcoshare

time phagazine.

sheeeeit this is exciting. wish i could stay up late but i gotta get up early and act like a SMART PERSON. even with nice people in a slow environemtn, ideal people in an ideal setting, its still exhausting to put on the face and act like a smart capable normie for a paltry 6 hours!!!!!!!!!!!! i have NO IDEA how i survived at the other job. thank GOD this one is much better. mentally but not at all financially hahahaha.

 

BEING SENSITIVE IS ALWAYS A NET LOSS

dec 1 2016

had a dream last night about an old friend from my college days that of course we drifted apart, but he was a great guy and i hope he’s doing well. he was both one of the smartest guys i ever met, and also very principled and moral and a good moral person. he was also funny and hilarious and had great social charisma. he was also a very good musician. i had a total mancrush on him and was flattered that he seemed to like me. he had a very great personality and with that personality could probably get any woman he wanted, but physically he was kinda short. he was in great shape though, stayed very active with exercise. i guess he was pretty good at basketball too. well he certainly liked to play it a lot. he was pretty much responsible for introducing me to tom waits. he was fun to drink with and was no square there, but obviously he didnt drink so much that he couldnt be a winner at life. he was going for a phd in cultural marxist frankfurt skool bullshit and i was so impressed by the Brainy Intellectual stuff he read and wrote, that I was so stupid it made no sense to me, all this shit about reifying and rhizomes and deleuze and guattari and lacan and derrida and foucault and badiou and bordieua and baudrillard and adorno and barthes and mcluhan and zizek and all that ((((CRITICAL THEORY)))) stuff.

I had no idea that it was total jooish poison. I’m not sure that he did either!

So, with that perspective, it’s kinda troubling that such a good, solid guy would make his career in something so awful and poisonous. because when you’re young, that shit impresses you because it makes you sound really really really SMART. I actually knew a couple people like this. I had another friend in that same department who was similarly a very nice, charismatic, smart, principled, moral, solid man. they deserve better than this jooish bullshit.

anyway i hope they are both doing well. they are both great guys and I will never forget them. i just dont get the critical theory, cultural marxist, frankfurt school, jooish bullshit.

anyway back to the first guy. he could have had any woman he wanted despite his short stature because his personality was so great. BUT, interestingly, his fashion style was very scrubby, like a damn neet virgin. he could have cleaned up VERY well, but DIDNT. he had long greasy hair and a long wispy “beard”. he probably did not shower enough. this was not from a lack of confidence, but just because he was really that much of a “free spirit artist”, as well as a very smart articulate academic intellectual, as well as having pretty damn good social skills. not an awkward autiste whatsoever, but every bit as high iq as an autist. he just LOOKED like a homeless person hahahahaha. now I think after he finished his phd he started presenting himself better hahahaha. which is good, he was not ugly.

and because he had such a good, strong personality, he could get GFs and had been in several long term monog rels. I don’t think he ever did too much degenerate shit with women. never a “player”, never a womanizer, never open rels, and oh good lord I forgot he was CATHOLIC too!

anyway in the dream he’s like, we gotta watch this movie, it’s great. and I was like great, I like your taste, if you say its good, im sure its good. i mean he did/does have good taste in movies and music and books.

so we started watching this movie that was some 1970s french or italian “art” degeneracy like godard or pasolini. Which I NEVER really liked that kind of artsy fartsy movie, and now I like them even less. because of the jooish degeneracy embodied in them. the opening scene had a bunch of big women with big breasts but also huge erect dicks dancing around like the wild androgynous men/women of borneo. the scene went on for way too long. then the movie went on to tell this artsy, intellectual, elaborate story of how Whites were the Cancer of the Human Race, Whites were evil, whites are all oppressive, horrible natsees, and telling this story in a very artsy, college bourgeois phd sort of way, that you could feel real artsy and intellectually superior.

so my friend asks me what i think and im like oh great, this great guy I admire really likes this antiwhite bullshit, and he’s a brilliant guy, way smarter than me, theres no way i could convince him that whites are great, i mean i cant believe such a smart good awesome guy BELIEVES this bullshit! this could really complicate our Frandship!

And I was like well i dunno, i usually like your taste but I never liked this weird new wave godard pasolini shit, I mean its just too much for me, i mean come on, giant dicks, its just too much for me.

i did not mention the whole antiwhite message. that would be a lot harder to talk about with him.

anyway that was the dream hahahaha.

i never did talk to him about whiteness. but he was a great white man. and he did finish the phd i THINK. im sure he’s still a great guy, i just hope he doesnt spend too much of his career talking about how bad whiteness is.  and white = evil. he got along with nonwhites very well, which i think his family had some nonwhite foster children in their home. now for weev that helped weev become race conscious because the nonwhite children sucked. my friend, i guess his nonwhite foster “siblings” werent so bad. well good for him then hahaha.

i dont want to dox the guy hahaha.

but yeah what would HE say about the alt right, or whiteness? would he be a terrible shitlib saying that anyone who uses the term “cultural marxism” is a crazy, white, racist conspiracy theorist. cultural marxism is not a real thing.

i never read any of his papers. well i think i read a few pages at the time, and it made no sense. i dont remember anything about whiteness. maybe some stuff about signifiers and reification.

so i could easily look up his papers NOW and read them and probably get a sense of what he thinks about whiteness, right?

yeah probably! and im not sure i WANT to !

it was also funny we never really talked about his skoolwork that much, he never talked about it, and he also didnt seem to spend much time on it. he seemed to have PLENTY of free time to hang out, watch movies, go out, be social. i thought phd students were supposed to be chained to their books and work 80+ hours a week!!!!!! but not him!

so was he a bad student? maybe, but its kinda hard to be a “bad student” and get into a All Expenses Paid PhD program at a Very Good Skool. i mean thats how smart he was.

shit i would have liked to hear him teach a class, or do a phd defense especially. i know eventually he started teaching undergrads like most grad students did.

anyway he was/is a great guy, i wish him the best, but i also want him to have white children! he would be a great father of course.  there is a risk that he might marry a nonwhite woman though. although when i knew him, all his GFs were white women.

ok heres whats interesting. some white people go into an Urban Public School full of poor blacks and they become redpilled on race, like yep once i saw the real world, i knew that blacks and whites are very different.

and other whites say i became even MORE committed to education because i saw how precious these poor black children were, they were every bit as smart as anybody else, they just need better resources, opportunities, education, etc, so ive spent my life really trying to help these kids who really really NEED that help.

so which is the truth about race hahahaha.

i have no doubt there are many smart ghetto black kids out there that would benefit from a good education. plenty of little dr ben carsons out there.  but honestly i have no desire, and im honestly not TOUGH ENOUGH, to want to work in a black school to help those kids. i would rather teach white kids. really i dont want to teach kids at all hahahahaha. beyond being a homeschool teacher of my own children, and even there i dont trust my abilities!

but yeah when i was hanging out with somebody i thought was really really cool like that, i sometimes felt insecure and inferior, like im nowhere NEAR that cool, why are they hanging out with ME? once they find out how uncool i am, theyll get bored with me and dump me.

i guess i felt a similar way about women that i liked! that i was “privileged” enough to hang out with a few times!

classic inferiority complex. im not cool enough to be friends with this person. im not cool enough to date this grill.

and the women eventually “proved” it by dumping me, although the men i had mancrushes on, well they were pretty much “faithful” to me though! like i say, they were good solid moral men through and through, and never did me wrong! we just drifted apart due to time and distance.

hehehehe kinda wish i had met him when i was in high school hahaha. not to crap on my high school friends tho hahaha. but i might have had a chance at getting his Sloppy Seconds hahahaha. that was how much of an omega i was, i couldnt even get Sloppy Seconds because my friends couldnt get sloppy seconds either hahahaha.

well i prob could have gotten sloppy seconds from one of my friends who was ok with the ladies, qt ones too……but i was so proud i didnt WANT sloppy seconds from muh friends! or i just thought it was weird and gross. it IS pretty weird and gross!!!!!!!!! plus I wanted a GF, not casual hookup secs. i didnt like SLUTS back then either! i wanted a NICE GURL! i.e., not a slut.

so yeah, i pretty much ALWAYS disliked sluts. very consistent there.

ok thats enough memory lane bullshit. i just wish i were doing more in the present that would make good memories later. but all i got is the failure of the last 3 years, the painful memory of That Woman, etc. nothing really GOOD that i will happily remember. well maybe the good times i had with that woman. but i dont WANT to remember those! i want to have BETTER memories with a BETTER woman!

see i use overthinking as a way to cope with stress and worry. IF I THINK ABOUT THIS ENOUGH, I WILL FIGURE OUT AN ANSWER AND FIX THE PROBLEM. but it never works like that. i never find the answer. i never fix the shit. i just think and think and think and worry and ruminate and overanalyze and write and write and write and write. i order for things to improve, i need to get out and actually DO shit.

the best punishment for sluts is for their fathers to shake their heads and say i am very very very disappointed in you, and you will have to work to regain my approval.

but this assumes sluts HAVE fathers who can BE disappointed in them.

so without that….i think i determined shaving the sluts head bald would be a good punishment.

how about tattoo on their forearm saying “SLUT”? pretty good, but that would be guaranteeing they would never STOP being a slut.

how about a tattoo somewhere nonvisible then?

like i said…..I NEVER liked sluts.

I WILL give a slut a chance, if she’s really willing to repent and reform. of course how do you trust that? i guess look at her repentance. the first slut i was with was a very secs-positive bourgeois jooess, so of course she wasnt ashamed of being a cvm dumpster, she thought it was liberating and empowering.

hehehe there are two kinds of people in the world, racists and nonracists, and never the twain shall meet. i think if all the racists segregated away from the nonracists the world would be a better place. and then of course in the racist side, each race would then segregate.

whites are racist! racism is the worst evil! whites are evil!

once you realize this is what they are really saying, you cant unhear it hahahaha.

there is literally NO BENEFIT to being sensitive. it is WEAK. FRAGILE. NON TOUGH. being TOUGH is ALWAYS good. weak people break down and cant get shit done. and they are miserable because everybody rejects them because they are weak and sensitive. hahaha.

oh but they see the world in a unique way and create great art!

  1. at least half of them DONT, i never created great art
  2. well thats not entirely true, I wrote 2 and a half pretty good songs. long epic songs too haha. and a bunch of decent bukowski ripoff poems. and at least 3 book length blogs. 1 sweet doom level.
  3. art is not that important. its a nice luxury but its not very useful at all. it is not a vital role in society. its nice to have, and its really fun to listen to music from ages 11 to 25 or so, but after that, theres more important things to do, like run society, have children, and music and art does not help with that at all. yeah it adds to a sense of culture but you know what else does? children. government and society and civilization. people inventing shit and building civilizations and employing people and doing work. this takes TOUGH, STRONG people, not SENSITIVE, WEAK people.

plus there is plenty of good art made by Tough, Strong people!

oh but sensitive people Love more deeply.

but this is WORTHLESS unless they find another sensitive person who can APPRECIATE that AND luv them the same way back! Sensitive Luv is just Wasted on Tough, Nonsensitive Normies! they will DUMP you for being too WEAK and NEEDY!!!

and how many sensitives are there? it CANT be more than 25%.

so yeah, ITS NOT WORF IT to be sensitive and weak hahahaha. i wanna trade it in to be tough. so i can LUV people more intensely! that is TOTALLY not worth it! I don’t WANT to luv people so intensely! theres something WRONG with me!

all this sensitivity has made it excruciatingly difficult to live a normie adult life with 26k job and 6.51/10 waifu!

i should see if muh new 13k a year job can send me on a business trip to colorado. or NV, CA, OR, WA, or MA hahahahahahahahahahahaha. every week.

i mean shit theres an idea. why not do job searching in colorado?

because I dont really want to MOVE to colorado, i want to stay near muh family! they are the only family i have! i wouldnt mind visiting colorado for a week or 2 and being ridiculous blazed that whole time, but i dont really want to MOVE ANYWHERE!

and some people are not like this. they dont mind moving anywhere in the world. shit i kinda wish i were more like that. because that is a TOUGHER person. who will leave their family behind to go where the jobs are.

you know you like somebody when you make a MIX tape/cd/stream for them. did anyone ever do that for ME?

well sort of. there were some manly no homo mixes in there where i exchanged Metal Mixes with another Metal Fan who worked at the Music Shop where I took some Guitar Lessons hahahaha. good guy but he was more into death metal, like Early Technical Death Metal with especial liking to Technical Death Metal Bass. I wonder if he was happy about all the new technical death metal that has come out. i cant even. like maybe necrophagist and stuff like that hahaha. i dont know. not my cup of tea.  we both liked bands like nile and cynic and early cryptopsy. naturally he really liked death. i liked their “sound of perseverance” album but never got much further. (although now i am kinda interested in their old stuff, hehehehe.)

well ultimately ive always been more of a black metal guy than a death metal guy, and he could not help me there.

oh shit i wonder what he would say about deathspell omega. that is probably the most technical band i like. and they really are TOO damn technical hahahahaha.  cool it with the nonsense riffs guy. i thought you were black metal hehehehe. technical black metal. i am probably more open to that that technical death metal.

could demilich be called technical death metal? i know they have very cult following.

again, i like stuff thats more Atmospheric and Emotional and Sensitive.

but its funny. i stopped paying attention to metal for like 5 years and those were THE most important years TO pay attention because SO much shit happened. when i came back to metal, it was like a whole new world. 10 generations of evolution had happened and suddenly i was an old man who didnt understand the youth. all within 5 years.

i was out of it from like 2002 or 3 until 2008 or 9?

uhhhhhh yeah between 2002 and 2009 a LOT of shit DID happen in metal hahahaha.

it would have been nice to have been paying attention when the deathspell album “Si Monumentum” came out in like….2004?

well i DO remember when paracletus came out in 2010.

i DO remember when varg got out of prison and came back with “belus” in like 2010.

i remember when the alcest album “ecailles de lune” came out and invented “blackgaze” hahahaha.

so yeah i didnt miss it all.

anyway metal. i dont even like talking about metal with metal fans, because they like different metal bands than me and will try to push some metal bands on me, when im not looking for new metal super actively. there needs to be a come to jesus moment and then ONE BAND will reveal itself to me at the right time, like saor right now.

i am very ok with that, im just grateful to be able to enjoy fresh music at all anymore!

did i mess up muh brain with too much alcohol and MJ when i was young?

YES, PROBABLY!!!!!

i used to be smart in high school! i was great at high school! i peaked in high school, hahahaha.

then 15 years later, you have to tell people, i was smart in high school! I SWEAR!!!!!! I WAS SMART ONCE!!!!! and then these young smartasses roll their eyes. yeah right, old dumb man. then why are you working here at your age. obviously didnt make good decisions with your life.

yikes i get to writing and then it INEVITABLY BECOMES super negative and despairing and horribly derpressing!!!! SO STOP WRITING!!!!!!

just as surely inevitable as the sp1c n1g cycle will guarantee that sp1cs and n1gs will inevitably stuff themselves with fried meat until they become crippled by morbid obesity and require heroic medical care until they gracelessly expire, hahahahahahahaha.

so yeah. theres no benefit to being sensitive, weak, and fragile. these are BAD THINGS!

the TOUGHER you are, the easier time you will have in life, the better you will do in life, the less suffering you will suffer through. the more self respect you will have from being able to achieve a minimum of normieness.

psilocybin decreasing depression and anxiety? ok i’ll buy that hahaha. i would have to take a TINY dose though. i took psilocybin exactly twice in muh life. when i was 20 years old. ykes. the first time was ok. the second time was HORRIBLE and i felt horribly alone and alienated and heartbroken and despairing.  realy more sorrow and emptiness than anxiety. which i guess is actually BETTER than anxiety. that feeling of panic is just horrible. but thats the last time i will ever do mushrooms around a woman i am in luv with who doesnt like me hahaha and would rather be Romantic with other guys in front of me hahahaha.

maybe that is why i am so sensitive to rejection. cuz i did mushrooms WHILE a woman was essentially rejecting me, so it imprinted somehow. really the only way to “fix” that is to do mushrooms while i am with a woman and she is Totally Accepting me. being with me, having tender monog relship secs, cuddling, etc.

i would also do it alone.

i would also be open to doing super duper tiny doses like they did in this medical experiment. though when you “TRIP” they always say dont take too LITTLE, you gotta take enough to actually feel something maannnn.

so i say just take a teensy weensy bit. like taking one puff of MJ. you ever take one puff of MJ and feel it? then you might be a sensitive snowflake like me hahahaha.

so yeah i would be open to that. take such a tiny dose that you could get up in the morning and go to WORK the next day like you can with MJ hahahaha.

HA! this “straight dope” message board looks pretty good

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=812509

can you be mistaken about your own romantic luv for a person

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=812505

tell me your job search techniques

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=812025

how many females are open to the idea of a scat fetish in a relship hahahahahaha

great quote from that one:::  ”

11-27-2016, 01:42 PM
astro astro is offline
Guest
Join Date: Jul 1999

OK maybe there is a beautiful, kind, loving woman out there who will shit on a plate so you can eat her feces and relish the intimacy this creates for you. You gaze into her gorgeous, endless eyes as you take your fork and carefully nip off some of the warm, fragrant brown turd she has produced for you. You inspect it lovingly and notice how it was formed in convergent layers by her bowel and the little bits and pieces of undigested food woven throughout. No pinworms or other creatures are waving back at you, so reverently you lift the morsel to your nose inhaling deeply and flaring your nostrils to get the full impact. The pungent aroma is overpowering so close and up you are in heaven.

You pass the aromatic brown chunk between your lips and explore it with your tongue rolling it around it your mouth. Firm yet soft you feel it dissolving in your mouth before you gulp it down. You want more and dig in! Seeing you smacking and chewing so lustily with a filmy smear of poo, her poo, coating your lips she gazes beatifically at you and the connection is so real you feel transcendent.

Hope you find your gal.       ”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

hehehehehe nice

well you need to take a few years and get some therapy and fix yourself before you can ever be cured of your virginity, and also you have such deep issues, you will never get a gf, just maybe some casual sexs with crazy sluts, after you do like 5 years of therapy.

 

dump him because his lack of success in his career indicates immaturity and abusiveness and issues and insecurity and that he’s in a bad place and is incapable of being in a relship because he’s not happy with his career and never will be until he gets his masterz degree and gets a sweet office job that he finds SO FUN AND FULFILLING just like you

from this thread:    ”         [–]Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez 2 points 48 minutes ago
Here’s what people usually want when they say they want closure: they want to have the last word in all the major arguments they had with their ex, and they want their ex to listen and say “you’re right, I was wrong,” and mean it. But this is a fantasy. As I’m sure you realize, the conversation wouldn’t go anything like that in real life.       ”

hehehehe nice way of putting that. closure is bullshit. a myth. there is never any closure. you always want the other person back, until you havent seen them in 4 years and then you dont really want them any more. then you see then and you want them again and need a few months just to get over seeing them once hahahahaha.

took a tiny benedryl tablet instead of taking nyquil tonight. felt like one or the other.

i never liked the the write shit but dont send it approach.  i say send that shit. hold them accountable!! they dont get to do EVERYTHING on THEIR terms! They SHOULD see that their actions have consequences on other people!!

damn man that sucks. wanting her back after years because you know the shit is fixable. yeah but maybe she wouldnt want to fix it and would just dump you when you tried to fix it. being WILLING to fix it is just as important as being ABLE to fix it.

oh well just dump the toxic mentally ill abuser and find a better man, people are so upgradable like that.

NOT EVERY WOMAN WILL TREAT YOU LIKE YOU ARE REPLACEABLE, UPGRADABLE, OR DISPOSABLE!!!!!

even if they might like casual sex with a revolving door of replaceable, disposable dicks hahahaha.

dec 2

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/i-dont-want-relationship-okay-0

if you dont want a relship mmkay, then you shouldnt have SECS. SECS shoudl ONLY occur WITHIN a relship. a mongo (hehehe) longterm relship. if you dont want a relship then you should also enter a period of Voluntary Celibacy until you ARE ready and willing to be in a relship. and THEN you can have your damn FUN SECS again hahaha.

fookin sociopath. so focused on their damn career that they dont see the benefit of a serious rel.

ok i am looking fwd to getting haircut today, very soon, and just wanted to record this damn stupid dream i had last night

YES it had THAT WOMAN and in a big way. I recall i was hanging out with her and laying my head on her beautiful soft white stomach and just rambling on about bullshit like music or something, even though i was very very worried about the state of our relship, but was scared to talk about it, so i just talked about anything else. however i felt there was still hope because she was willing to hang out wiht me and let me lay my head on her bare stomach. which is kind of intimate IMHO. never did that in real life hahahaha. couldnt even hang out with her anymore hahaha.

then i left and continued being worried. then i guess she dumped me. i went back to talk to her and she started literally running away. and i began chasing her and she conitnued running. i was running too. i was screaming after her pathetic begging things: please just talk to me! please respond! please lets just talk about this! PLEASE DONT TREAT ME LIKE THIS! i recall saying that exactly.

then i was heartbroken. then i was talking with another female friend i had during college. i was never attracted to or in luv with her. we just got along ok and had mutual respect. she was very smart and very funny. on the downside she was very shitlib (so was everybody) and had issues with Secsual Morality. At heart she was a good person who was mashed into this jooish neurotic somewhat mess because of Kollige and the Middle Class Career World, which her family was firmly in, and unfortunately pressuring her with high expectations.  also she was supremely judgmental and liked to gossip about drama. I am the SAME WAY, but these women were actually a little bit WORSE. they were still good people though. they just needed to cool it with the drama! also she was nonwhite, therefore Im not such a hateful racist that i want to throw all nonwhites in the oven hahahaha.

so in the dream i told her how devastated i was and she wasnt really being THAT comforting, saying, well, if she’s running away from you, she obviously doesnt want to talk to you! so stop trying to talk to her.

but i really really really WANT to talk to her!

well she OBVIOUSLY doesnt WANT to talk!

but thats SO UNFAIR! she doesnt get to throw me away like a piece of garbage without being held accountable for the consequences! you want to get out of this, you have to go through the discomfort of a damn uncomfortable conversation at least!

so i convinced the female friend to go and meet with That Woman and kind of act as my attorney/advocate because That Woman was not allowing me to meet and talk with her.

i was riding in a taxi with the woman friend. i was nervous as shit because this was my last chance to say what i wanted to say, and i had to say it through this other person. i was trying to use Wise Mind and articulate myself as clearly as possible as to what i wanted to say. I remember very clearly saying “I fully accept her decision. I’m not asking her to be with me. sure, in an ideal world i’d like her to be with me, but I fully accept that she’s decided to end the relationship. what i’m asking for is just….i dunno. more recognition of my broken heart. more recognition that our relationship was meaningful and valuable to her. we knew each other for 3 years and i THOUGHT i meant something to her, was valuable to her, made a difference in her life, and we shared what i thought was a great connection and some great memories. i never wanted to hurt her. and i never wanted her to HATE me. it seems like she hates me. what did she think i did? I want to know what she’s thinking and feeling about this, and to tell her what Im thinking and feeling about it. that’s why I just want to meet with her and talk to her, and its so frustrating she’s not willing to do that.”

basically not a big chance from real life here.

i also wanted to show my other female friend (WHOOPS, not supposed to refer to women as “females”, that is a TELLTALE SIGN that you are a huge redpill neet incel entitled niceguy omega virgin nevergf woman hater!!!!! who sees women as some weird alien species and not human beings!!!!) that i was in the right, that i wasnt some kind of creepy stalker controlling abuser manipulator who wanted something unreasonable.

the friend went in and i sat in the taxi very nervously.

after like an hour the friend came out and said that That Woman said she didn’t feel I really CARED ABOUT her as a real person, that I was just trying to MANIPULATE HER INTO SECS. (basically accusing me of being a Niceguytm.) that i had no regard for her feelings and wasnt willing to listen to her.

then i got angry and was like WRONG. thats TOTALLY WRONG. I care about her SO MUCH! I am DEVASTATED! i will be devastated for the next year! it wasnt all about secs! it was about LOVE and having a loving rel! i wanted a HELL OF A LOT MORE than just secs! this is about luv! hearts! relships! sharing lives together! and i care very much for her! i want the best for her! i want to be with her and help her build a happy life! and to share a happy life together! shes got this all WRONG! can i just go in there and talk to her myself! no? goddamn why cant she just let me talk to her???!!?!?! can you go back in there please and tell her what i just told you??

(it was kinda like my job where callers could not speak directly to the level 2’s who knew how to explain bad news, and had to go through ME, who didn’t really understand the shit!)

the friend advocate sighed, like yeah thats not gonna work, but i’ll go back in there one more time for you.

then she did. then she taxi drove away with me in it. we picked up some black thugs and dropped them off at a casino. i was like shit we gotta get back to where we were. i didnt know how to get there from where we now were. i asked the driver if he could go back to the house where we were before. he said sure. he was clearly very foreign and i thought he might be bullshitting, because it didnt look like we were getting any closer. i asked him where he was from and i think he said georgia. like the country of.

so that was about it. it was a very vivid, long, movielike dream. i think the benedryl put me into a deeper sleep and therefore a deeper dream. it was not great. pretty much illustrated what was going on in real life, except now i had an advocate who was willing to talk to her on my behalf, and she was able to confirm that That Woman had a very Wrong opinion on What I Had Done. in real life, i have no idea what she was thinking.

but really, her having the Wrong Idea did not make me any happier, in fact i was just more frustrated, and just wanted to send the advocate back in there to show that I was Right, and She Was Wrong!

see that reddit quote about closure about hahahaha.

so yeah. also the dream was sad because at the beginning i actually DID see her and had an intimate moment with her like i never had in real life. but the moment wasnt intimate for her AT ALL!

hhehehe. if it takes you longer than a year to get over…….then hell yeah it was true love!!!! fook yes you CARED ABOUT them!

so i hate the accusation that you just want SECS when really, you are in LUV with them and CARE about them and want the best for their LIFE!

but no its all about secs secs secs with these women. and not even sacred, holy, loving, babymaking, relationship secs, but they reduce everything down to negro casual sex. its the only thing they understand hahahaha. absolutely disgusting.

ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES. I guess i just wanted her to experience some consequences and not be able to avoid them so completely. i sure experienced some damn consequences.

that doesnt mean that i want to inflict pain or punishment on her! more like, i just want her to feel some REMORSE and to reflect on this and learn how to not do this again in the future!

and probably she will learn from it, and treat other guys better, and i will never know, and never experience the Better Kinder More Mature Her!

she was already very kind, i experienced a lot of her general kindness, so i know she was capable of it. it was just a matter of Choking in a High Pressure moment. like i never did that before! like on the job or something.

yeah but with a Relship, I would have at least written an email hahahaha. that doesnt require a lot of effort or courage.

well it DOES involve courage when you actually SEND it. maybe she DID write an email but wasnt courageous enough to click send!

so yeah i did not enjoy that dream hahahaha.

looking at days since spreadsheet because i put haircuts on there….

507 days since i last talked to her… (16.9 months)

473 days since i last emailed/contacted her   (15.77 months)

81 days since last haircut, yeah its time hahaha

389 days since intentionally looking at/using jooish filth pornography

later

got haircut at mens haircut place, good prices

rambled on to older white slavic woman about what i wanted. hard to articulate. finally got to the following clear actionable instructions:

“2 ON TOP, 1 ON THE SIDES”

and hopefully she understood that. i should write that on a flashcard which i bring next time in roughly 10 weeks hahahaha.

i usually get 1 or 2 all around. never this fading or two diff lengths. breaking out of comfort zone. it looks all right. somewhat militaristic and fashy. not bad.

2 ON THE TOP, 1 ON THE SIDES.

just tell them that. short. direct. unfookupable hahaha. these are the kind of instructions i like to receive for muh job. not some vague bullshit that can be interpreted 10 different ways, then you have to go back and ask 10 clarifying questions, and they sigh and eye roll and think youre an idiot even though they gave you these stupid vague instructions that they probably didnt even read or realize how vague they were.

so i should assertively say: i dont like vague instructions. i like clear, concise, unambigious instructions. 2 on the top, 1 on the sides. im not going to waste your time with stupid questions, so dont waste my time with stupid instructions that require stupid questions for clarification.

fooking fookbitch.

so yeah that dream sucked. its faggy as fook to lay your head on a gurls stomach but i like the idea of it.

i dont get it. secs is so cheap for them, they think you want cheap sex, when you want expensive luv, and then they get mad at you (well, NOT you, but niceguys, which we are NOT) when you want something that they consider cheap, which you dont even really want. cuz Cheap Sex is all they understand. when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail hahahahaha.

yeah being a niceguy is bad and shameful but i STILL think women overreact to it. but im still not saying i was a niceguy hahahaha. cuz its bad and i really dont want to be that. but they overreact. they think you are a HORRIBLE person, when you are really just a WEAK, COWARDLY person.

kind of like her. I dont think she is a HORRIBLE person, i think she is generally a good, maybe even GREAT person, she just had a moment of cowardice.

how come women cant give us the same BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT?

yeah well not all women, not all women, not all women hahaha. not even most women would not give you the benefit of the doubt.

but yeah i sure would have liked to cuddle with her and touch her white stomach hahahahaha. so it sucks to DREAM about that 16 months later.

like the guy in that reddit. he went on dates with 30+ women and still couldnt stop comparing them to the woman who dumped him, who he couldnt get over, years later. the only thing thats gonna fix this for him is to find a woman who is BETTER. who can make him feel luv again.

that story resonated with me because hes in his 30s and wants to have children and a wife, and he wanted that woman to be his wife, and have children with her, and he can’t see having children with anyone else yet. yep when you get older and want a wife and children, the stakes are even higher than when you are 20 and just fooking like a horny n199er. and not all of us wanted to be degenerates like that!

basically i view women as degen n199ers who cant keep it in their pants, and me as a principled man who is more moral and principled and white and better and seeks a higher morality and understands deeper truths. which isnt entirely wrong, as i believe my principled view of sex is the Better one. and i want a woman who shares that Core Value. hard to find a woman who doesnt treat secs like a horny n1993r tho!

ff12 has good music too, another great game, i never thought this game was underrated hahahaha.

so basically i view women as these alien monsters, who i have a yearning desire and obsession over, who throw cheap sex at everyone but me, who finds sex very very expensive, so i have a combination of deep resentment and deep desire for women. well, young (25 year old, marriage age, fertile) women! I want them so badly, I can’t have them, and they don’t want me.

these are the Big Kahuna of Cognitive Distortions that i need to address.

that and they undervalue something I value so highly, so i imagine them as sinful devils blaspheming my holy morality. like they are literally The Devil. The Enemy of Man. the Adversary. the living embodiment of Sin and Distancing yourself from Truth, Beauty, and Goodness. Women Are EVIL.

when really they are just Complicated PEOPLE, just like you and me hahahahahahaha.

so reddit says read books and watch tv and movies made by women, so you can view women as real people. go read margaret atwood or watch orange is the new black.

yeah but these are all feminists who have to slip in some man hating marxism. so whenever i read a woman doing that…..i dont understand or like women any better, i just dislike them more hahahaha. like you dirty fooking communist traitors.

so the best would be to read like books by a woman i like, like ann coulter hahahahaha.

maybe i should read the new megyn kelly book which she is promoting like crazy and which people are apparently buying like crazy too hahahha.

some feminist on reddit said “men worry that women will laugh at and reject them. women worry that men will raep and K them.”

yeah ok there is a kernel of truth there. but that doesnt mean women should be degenerate slutty n1993rs.

i like this trvmp “thank you” victory tour. he has been very busy since the election and hasnt had a rally in WEEKS, when he used to have a rally every day and give huge rousing speeches every day. it was weird to see him out of the spotlight. basically what he’s been doing is “hiding out” in trvmp tower talking to people and making big decisions of who he wants on his team. whcih is great, but i want him to come out in front of the cameras and 100000000 cheering people and call the media a bunch of disgusting animals and build the wall and drain the swamp and MAGA and make good deals. hopefully he does Rallies when he is prez.

so yeah if you worry men will r and kill you, dont put yourself in situations where you are basically putting yourself out there on a platter for those men, basically saying R me and K me!!!!!!!!!!

doesnt mean any woman DESERVES to be R’d and K’d, it’s just DONT BE STUPID. dont be the kid who jumps into harambe’s paddock. dont put your head in a lions mouth. dont point a loaded gun at your face. dont tease men when you don’t know that man, you dont know that he’s not a dangerous man.

you come SO CLOSE to really knowing a woman as A Human Being, and then she does a total 180 and throws you out of her life in a way that you cant even image doing to another human being.

not all women Would Do That, not even most women Would Do That.

if you’re not sure the best way to dump someone, just pay a Social Worker $50 to do it for you. don’t go out to lunch or dinner for a while. use secs to coerce your FWB’s into paying for your Birth Control, or to just give you the $50 for the shrink. suck off your Boss for $50. cuddle with some omega orbiter for a $50 fee. you know how EASY it is for you to get $50????!!?!?!?!?!

just hold off buying stupid clothes and shoes and purses for a week. small price to pay for saving somebody Thousands of Hours of Suffering.

you and i should probably listen to this song 3 times every day. quite possibly the single most POWERFUL song ever written.

music by dougie maclean who is not the composer of the film score, who is trevor jones, who took the dougie maclean song and integrated it into the score.

heh i think uncle bern should get a wife but i have bought his book as a way of supporting him. i wish i could have bought it from him directly. he is a good, principled man who i have admired for years. apparently he tells some personal anecdotes about his relships with women in this one, so thats worth the price of admission for me.

it was either that or donate to his paypal or patreon. which i still might do.

https://disenchantedscholar.wordpress [dot] com/2016/03/01/the-real-millennial-woes-student-debt-homeless-priced-out-of-parenthood-and-no-pension/

(doesnt have anything to do with the guy MW, a good article and blog nonetheless)

heh. so i took the plunge and joined patreon so i can pledge 1.67$ to millennial woes per month ($20 per year hehe)

and $1 to uncle bern per month. in the past i would have given him moar. i will give him more if he becomes a huhwhyte nationalist or has children hahahahaha. but he does deserve to quit his damn soul crushing school job and become a Content Creator Fulltime.

2 years ago i emailed him and asked him if i could donate to him. he said no thank you i really dont want to do that. i said hey im happy to donate but you do what you want. well hes changed his mind in the past 2 years and i can’t blame him. he produces great stuff and deserves to quit his damn stupid job. and we SHOULD pay him for sacrificing his personal time to make great videos and podcasts. its not a donation, its paying for a valuable service hehehehe. he’s given me hours of education and enjoyment so why SHOULDNT i give him some money. he apparently has begun to understand that concept.  maybe when he quits his job he will reveal that he knows all about the JQ.

i also see it as whites helping whites hahahahah. i wouldnt donate to a nonwhite.

anyway that disgruntled scholar or whatever i linked above points out a very important point that was interestingly enough quoted from a jooish guardian article: that 27 year old millennials in 2016 are bitter and butthurt because they think about their boomer parents when THEY were 27 and how they already had a HOME and CHILDREN. it is very sad to get old enough that you WANT children, and then realize you CANT AFFORD THEM. and that you cant afford to own a home that isnt in a violent nonwhite crime ghetto. and you might not even be able to afford that. buy a home in midtown oakland or gary hahahaha or newark. the ghettoest ghetto of new orleans.

why would you ever want children? then you cant enjoy life experiences and tinder hookups and travel. why would you want to own a home when you cant rent an apt with 10 roomates when youre 30? and those black ghettos are only violent because of a cycle of poverty adn institutional racism created by WHITE PEOPLE. you SHOULD live there so you can reap what you sow. SEE THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS, hahahahahaha.

i thought i was all about that hahaha.

cereal

hehehehe one of the best gifs i have seen in months. if you are in a bad mood watching this could probably still be guaranteed to make you laugh.

cereal-bowl-mouth

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

cereal-bowl-mouth  cereal-bowl-mouth cereal-bowl-mouth

so classic. i bet that man has had 1,488,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times more secs and cuddling and making out that i have hahahahahahaha.

ok i should have a smaller version of the moving gif too

cereal cereal cereal

bretty kewl amirite hahahahahahaha

cerealcerealcerealcerealcereal

now is there something actually pornographic about this, or do i think that just because my brain has been thoroughly pornified by jooz?

i wish i could see this, and really the whole world, and WOMEN, through the eyes of an innocent who had never seen the thousands of hours of PORN I have watched. it really warps your damn mind.

i mean i havent watched it seriously in a YEAR and i still feel the effects.

and how many guys have not watched porn in a YEAR. like less than 1% hahahahahaha.

well thats pessimistic. maybe 10% hahaha. NOT ALL MEN WATCH PORN!!!!!!!!

i think he must have some kind of plastic ring in his mouth to be able to hold it open in that weird shape.

oh those stupid WHITE frat boys. these white males are the stupidest jackasses on the planet.

wearing warm Kodiak Heat Socks from walmart, they are warmer than regular socks. but its not super cold out there. it Feels Like 28 degrees, ok thats kinda cold, but not man cold.

well people in fookin williston north dakota probably get their cold weather socks at walmart too hahahaha so i am as getting as good as they are. WALMART.

if you cant get it at walmart, it isnt worth buying hahahahaha.

 

CULTURE OF CANCER

nov 29

heh. spent money to order a TRS Ghoul t-shirt before the campaign ended. its a little pricey but they do good work and i want to support TRS and tshirts are my fav kind of merchandise hahahaha.

hopefully the company gives ghoul/trs a decent cut. I know TRS tried to make tshirts with a mainstream shirt company like teespring or something like that, and they were SHUT DOWN before they could even MAKE the first batch of shirts.

i wrote a note to the current company saying thank you for not firing your controversial client hehehehe.

ordered a L instead of an XL because i have lost so much weight that an L shirt now looks too damn big. jeez. so i have all these GREAT t shirts that look a little too big and floppy.

i guess the lesson is, lose weight, then buy Great Clothes for you at that weight, so you are motivated to not gain weight again and get too big for those clothes.

maybe i was dumped with extreme prejudice and insult and hostility because i was A Little Bit Overweight hahahahahahaha. no i already dealt with that Distortion.

2016-11-29-16_53_41-sky-jpg-1000x1250

here is the ghoul t shirt design. could be more edgy hahahaha but i guess having a fookin NOTSEE DEATHS HEAD is pretty edgy hahahaha. and surf the kali yuga just means ride the tiger hahaha. and most importantly, signals to other fashy goys that you know about these things, but have never read a word of evola hahahahahahaha.

then you can be like hey goy how much money you make and they will say, i make over 100k a year as a successful entrepreneur, manager, lawyer, doctor, stemgineer, and you can say: huh well i make 13k a year as an unemployable neet, wanna gimme a job and help really put the 14 words into practice hahahahaha. and they will say ok heres a 24k a year job, just stay away from my wife and daughters and family hahahaha. and i will say, thank you kind sir, GOD bless you and bless the huhwhyte race.

hmm you can force gmail starred to appear in the left list. in fact i think i probably turned it OFF accidentally.

ok so the deaths head is a symbol of the SS in particular. hitlers bodyguards hahaha. the schutzstaffel hahhaha.

that stupid woman. out there being successful and making money and being happy and being a productive member of society making 30k a year. while i struggle just to make HALF that. its like shes MORE THAN TWICE THE PERSON I AM.

twice as successful, twice as powerful, skillful, capable, twice as VALUABLE TO THE WORLD.

again that is an issue of perspective and ATTITUDE. just a lot of complex Negative Thoughts that need to be Unpacked and FIXED.

with what? talk back to it with BULLSHIT like you’re not defined by your JOB, unsuccessful people have as much Human Value as successful people?

REAL EASY TO SAY WHEN YOURE A SUCCESSFUL PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but when someone kicks you out of there life and then becomes ragingly successful while you become a raging failure, yeah thats rough man. thinking about them. the fantasy world where you could have been with them, lived happily ever after, and YOU would be successful too, making 30k a year, HAPPILY EVER AFTER. Youd have problems sure, everybody does, but youd work through them, and continue making 30k a year happily ever after.

i was sort of thinking about That Woman cuz ive just been emailing with the old colleague who worked with both of us, and we talk about so and so leaving and getting a job somewhere. and now we can no longer talk about That Woman because if My Issues. yikes.

yeah but I really DONT want to hear about how That Woman is doing so well, making 35k at her new manager job, getting married to her new successful black BF. hahahaha. really NOTHING I can hear about her will make me happy. i just need to pretend she doesnt exist. i dont want harm to come to her…….but i dont want to hear about her doing really WELL either.  im SURE shes doing well, they all do well, unless she does something to screw it up, then its her own damn fault, and i have no sympathy, and she has fairly 50 50 chances of either screwing it up, or doing well. the choice is hers. not mine. its none of my business.  i just wish it WAS my business! also who knows if That Woman even talks to the former colleague any more! might be Too Busy with her New Life!

nov 30

this is what Getting Over It looks like hahahaha. tons of thinking about the past, some thinking about the future hahahaha. what is she doing now. whos she fookin, how much money is she making.

everyone i know makes WAY more money than me, and it doesnt really BOTHER me. i guess if it did, THEN i would have a big problem. the only time it really BOTHERS me is when WOMEN who have rejected me go on to make tons of money and become super successful.

its like saying they are TOUGHER and STRONGER and BETTER than me, the REAL ADULT WORLD says this person is WORTH a lot more for their brains and skills and personality and work and worth.

it bothers me most with That Woman because overnight I went from making ok money to making NO money, and she went on making ok money, and has continued to make ok/pretty good money ever since, for a year and a half, while during that time ive made NO money. very very very humbling.

now other women who have rej me went on to make good money……several years AFTER they rej me. they paid their dues by going to grad skool for several years. fine. they deserve to make good money then.

but that woman, she never went to GRAD SKOOL! she never even finished COLLEGE! she hasnt paid enough DUES yet! me and her, we paid about the same amount of dues, well technically i paid a bit MORE! and now shes making WAY more than I am! Probably getting promoted! moving up! does she have 200 credits of college? no, she has like 60! does she know how to be charismatic AND really solve problems? NO she just sits there and looks pretty and says idk, it cant be fixed. she sm0kes too much MJ and believes in stupid conspiracy theories!

yeah i have my issues with Emotion Regulation and its a struggle to find my Wise Mind, but I can sometimes fake it pretty well. pretend i am a level headed, logical person. she cant even do that! yet she can make 30k+ a year and I cant even make muh goal of 26k a year! and she is 8 years younger than me! and 3 times less educated than me! rabble rabble rabble hahahahaha

so much butthurt hahahaha.

but the men I see every week for my social event, they make WAY more money than me, and it doesnt really bother me. i dont think that they think they are so much better than me, the pathetic low-earning loser.

i wasnt asking her to BE WITH ME. I was asking her to talk to me and make a GOOD FAITH EFFORT to HELP ME, in that her making a good faith effort to talk and TRY to smooth things out a little bit would have meant a LOT to me and i dont think was TOO MUCH TO ASK of her, like asking her to Be With Me would be. lets just talk about how we are both gonna handle this and move forward and try to have cool heads about this. so i was/am resentful that she wasnt even willing to do that.

yeah my Extreme Emotions are my own responsibility to control. but she could have given a LITTLE effort which would have helped me a LOT. low effort, high reward. high ROI. sacrifice a little short term awkwardness to reduce a LOT of long term suffering for me. i guess THATS what I really am butthurt about.

just write me an EMAIL saying you have my SYMPATHY. Sorry about YOUR LOSS. EXPLAIN yourself. I am very willing to listen. I want to explain myself to you and really want YOU to LISTEN.  asking somebody to be willing to listen, and also to explain themselves to you, well an explanation isnt really necessary, but its a sign of GOOD FAITH that I think is NICE when youve known somebody almost 3 years and have a Real Relationship!

She was a bad dumper. i was a pretty good dumpee, all things considered. I took it very poorly and did not cope well at ALL, completely heartbroken mess, but I was not a BAD DUMPEE by doing things like stalking, begging, pleading, harrassing, facebooking, messaging, calling, texting, manipulating. I sent a few emails. big fookin deal. then I said welp these emails arent working, time to do no contact. and I sure did. i was a total devastated mess and did not cope well with that and that is embarrassing, but BY GOD did I ACCEPT HER STUPID DECISION hahahaha.

shit i accepted it better than i did with the other women, well besides woman2012. I handled that one really well, partly because SHE handled it really well. a tip of the fedora to mlady hahahaha.

but the other women i was always scheming to Win Them Back, staying in contact with them, not understanding that Its Fookin OVER. i mean i still didnt stalk or harrass or bombard them though. ive never been a superbad dumpee. i mean i ahve had very dark thoughts but even when i was DRINKING i never DID anything worse than spit a spray of beer on a gurls shitty car once hahahaha. i was 22 hahaha.

with that woman, i just sent some long pathetic emails explaining myself and begging her to please explain herself. when i saw that wasnt working, i stopped all contact whatsoever and continued being devastated by myself hahaha.

so yeah. dont say i was a bad creepy dumpee who couldnt accept her decision! i was a GOOD dumpee!!!!!!!

SHE was a bad DUMPER!!!!!

BAD DUMPER! GOOD DUMPEE!

later

went to walmart and spent 80 damn dollars like a privileged white man. bought cheapo winter boots, winter socks, huhwhyte tshirts, black dress shirt, black sweatshirt, some groceries, all at decent price. tried on wrangler ultimate khakis in the dressing room. could not find a good fit on the stiffer ones. did not try on the softer ones. a good pair of khaki pants is hard to find hahaha. well for the time being i have some gray Dress Pants and some super casual gray cord jean type pants that look good but feel weird. more of a modern fit than a classic fit.

anyway i am being converted into a damn walmart fan. for their selection and prices. i just obviously hate the whole walmart culture, with exploited underpaid pathetic employees, and pathetic, disgusting trash customers. well the mens clothes and the SHOES selection is actually really darn good! next time i need SHOES i am going to walmart!

i got the cheapo 20 dollar winter boots. if they fall apart after 1 winter then i will get the even cheaper rubber boots and just wear warm thick socks with them.

i would not recommend walking around for hours in the boots. i mean these are not High End boots, and I think a man owes it to himself to have a good pair of High End Boots. but that is a big investment.

they had softer wrangler khakis and much stiffer wrangler khakis which were almost as stiff as damn dickies.

they had 15 dollar “faded glory” khakis which looked pretty good. this is the walmart store brand. NICE.

https://www.walmart.com/cp/mens-clothing/133197

they had nice Turtleneck shirts! i remember i always wanted one of those so i could look like a poem writing phaggot hahahaha.

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2013/12/03/beyond-sissy-resilience-on-becoming-antifragile/#at_pco=smlrebh-1.0&at_si=583f31a6a86d53f6&at_ab=per-2&at_pos=0&at_tot=3

really some decent articles here. i mean yeah ive been aware of the site for years and just wrote it off as mainstream jooish media, but i guess its really not bad, like a more masculine version of mens health or some shit.

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2011/11/21/how-to-handle-being-out-of-your-depth-6-tips-from-a-con-man/#at_pco=smlrebv-1.0&at_si=583f327af9631873&at_ab=per-2&at_pos=2&at_tot=5

hope those weird numbers in the url dont contain any DOXING information about me

anyway the lesson learned is always try damn pants on in the dressing room.

oh good god is that jonathan banks “mike” from breaking bad, as a much younger man in thsi 1990 tv show “wiseguy”? it looks like a much younger version of him, with hair.  oh god it IS. good eye on me.

its just weird watching people get older. like i see a movie like “badlands” where martin sheen is like 20 years old and quite handsome, and now hes like 75 years old now. literally an old senior geriatric man.

we all look handsome and secsy and qt when we are young. then we get old and sad and ugly and dull.

like i was pretty GOOD looking when i was young. i could have pulled a qt if i wasnt so fooked up. now i am trying to get my act together, but i am nowhere near as good looking as i used to be. but at least i am about the same weight. and cant find clothes that fit hahaha.

that woman didnt care that i did not have a great Fashion Sense! she didnt have a great fashion sense either! where fashion means spending thousands of dollars to look like a wh0re. she probably shopped at walmart too hahahaha. she didnt care that the other wimmin thought she was uncool for shopping at walmart. she never wore super tight or revealing clothes.

heh. maybe she did when i didnt see her, when she was being social with men she fancied.

who cares.  think of something else. be mindful of the present moment hehe. REFOCUS hehehe. deep breathing. radical acceptance. its over. it is what it is. GOD grant me the SERENITY NOW hahahaha.

i am just kinda disappointed that those pants at walmart just did not fit or feel or look right at all.

i guess i should be happy that i didnt just buy “my size” without trying them on!

also there were great SHOES at walmart. tons of great, cheap SHOES. like plain black shoes that I was looking for like for wearing at a job. just plain black semi-professional looking shoes but that would also be comfortable for people walking around all day. like people that work in walmarts or restaurants. people who need plain black shoes they can wear to Work and that can give their feet and legs and back good support over 10+ hours of running around slaving.

walmart. my kind of store. i did not even see what other stuff was in there, like a bank or post office or what. ok there was a shitty portrait studio, might be closed, and defeinitely a subway. maybe a bank.

way to get all autistic about WALMART. maybe i should WORK there if I LUV it so much! hahahaha.

i GUARANTEE you i could get some MJ from the blacks who work there!

most shoes at walmart dont come in boxes. that seems kinda weird. i wonder if this is how they do their EVERY DAY LOW PRICES (R) .

i am just a big fan of the wrangler brand, always have been, so i am disappointed when a pair of wrangler pants does not totally deliver, like with those disappointing stiff, weird fitting gray khakis today. also glad i did not buy them before trying them on.

walmart. so exciting.

I should have gotten one of the smart people I worked with at previous job to write me a letter of recommendation, not necess my manager, although that would have been a good idea too, but just anyone smart i was friendly with, and they could PRETEND to be a Senior Level, and just talk about how good i am. but yeah  i didnt. was too filled with panic.

yeah that art of manlieness article on fragile vs antifragile. i am very fragile and hate it, would like to be antifragile.

FRAGILE. hmm must be italian hahahahaha.

fragile = WEAK. BAD. LOSER. HORRIBLE.

was listening to this new 2016 Saor album and I think it might have An It Factor, just Goosebumps, spine chilling, Dat Feel sort of stuff. or its really good at simulating that kind of Feely AtmoBlack hahaha.

well, I have always been wanting to hear some kind of Atmospheric Black Metal that embodies The Scottish Soul, and Saor/this guy Marshall seems to be it.

its just a matter of time before we get young black metal guys who are explicitly Alt-Right.

not saying Saor is, in fact, he’s MORE likely to be an antiracist shitlib degenerate. with his shitty disgusting phaggy degen ear gauges!

BUTTTTTT I find it hard to believe a person can create Atmospheric Black Metal with this kind of NATIONALISTIC feeling, and not be somehow open to the idea that Nation Matters, Blood and Soil matters.

But he’s not “nationalistic”, im sure he would say thats horrible, he just appreciates scotland and scottish history and culture.  well thats good enough for me. and it would be enough for joos to call him racist and nationalist. so i just say embrace it whole hog buddy. laddie. BECOME WHO YOU ARE hahahaha.

of course a band like moonsorrow ALSO does epic, heathen, pagan, fairly “atmospheric” stuff, and theyve been accused of being racist nationalists, and then they were like oh no no no no we hate racists!

i want somebody to say yeah i AM a racist, or at least i AM alt right and nationalistic. so you get a band who’s not afraid to be “nationalistic” like for example vapaudenristi, drudkh, or peste noire, uhhh yeah i think they might possibly be open to the ideas of alt right. but i kinda want to see a YOUNG alt right group that is JUST forming. each of these bands are really kinda old. have been active years before there was any kind of alt right. and alt right is really YOUNG.

well so is this saor guy, he’s “only” 28 years old. younger than me hahahahaha.

not saying hes alt right. i would just really like a band that sounds like that AND is openly alt right. i would do it myself if i could write good music!!!!!

right now the most openly alt right kind of music is this vaporwave with the really 80s aesthetic, which looks promising, but i havent listened to much of it, and i prob SHOULD. there is this musician grayfield stray which talks to TRS, or this paddy tarleton guy as well. we need more alt right MUSICIANS in other words, making honestly GOOD music. but good music is HARD to make. bad music is EASY to make.

like that “it factor” you feel when you hear actually good music, or that strange feeling you feel with a special woman that you dont feel with just any body. THATS the kind of it factor you need to show in interviews to get a 25k a year job hahahahahaha.  you need to be something SPECIAL.

you need to be SUPER SPECIAL just to be an aveage 25k NORMIE. whats wrong with THAT logic?

anyway i looked at saors facebook and he seems like a good goy and took those stupid things out of his ears and is really a very handsome man who probably has a GF and he clearly luvs spending time in the beautiful nature, really quite jelly of that.

i know he sees that and he luvs it deep in the marrow of his bones, and something he cant explain, is very happy to be a Scotsman! Thats the type of stuff that we in the alt right are ALL ABOUT.

but what about us amerifats? i mean i feel a deep nostalgic connection to certain locations where i grew up, lived near, etc, that have NOTHING TO DO with the Land Of Muh Blood, which would be largely in poland somewhere. but I would luv to go there and visit that land to, and have no doubt i could establish a connection to it!

i guess he lives in glasgow? and he is pro scottish independence. what is he gonna say when glasgow gets overrun with mudslims and nonwhites?  im sure theyre already there, but im also sure its nowhere near as bad as london.

yeah i would go see that show. and he used to play shows. i think he said something like he was gonna stop cuz its too big of a pain. come on. play one show a year in the fookin highlands or some shit hahaha.

ok yeah hes YOUNG but hes been very PROLIFIC, doing shit for like the past 10 years as well, since he was SUPER young, having many other projects other than saor.

GOOD FOR HIM. GOOD GOY. have some HUHWHYTE children.

use a TAPE MEASURE to actually measure your waist, legs, chest, and neck, and write those on a small card that you can put in your wallet or Money Clip or just bring with you when you need to buy clothes. measure your waist at your Belly Button, and measure your legs from the bottom of your Dangling Nuts, down to where you want the bottom of the pants to be. for chest, measure at the widest part of your chest, probably around the Nips hahahaha.

and you can redo those whenever you lose or gain weight, really just before you go out to buy clothes.

the main thing for me is not having that kind of tape measure, but i am sure i could buy one at walmart for 2 bucks hahaha.

why doesnt trvmp pick ANN COULTER for some sort of job. she would be great. shes probably the best woman out there. if he needs a woman somewhere in there he should pick ann coulter. just wanted to make it clear that i dont hate all women, i like ann coulter.

2016-11-30-19_40_13-2016-11-30-19_38_53-cardamom-1-0-02_0-04-no-limit-holdem-replay-13404437

hehehehe i win such big potz when i get quads hahahahaha

annoying muslim phd professor b1tch wearing hijab and kvetching about islamophobia and the terrorism of white supremacists hahahaha hahaha

oh yeah i got those ridiculous winter boots at walmart…..ok i already discussed that. i mean i dont know why that makes me so happy hahaha but i will take it.

am i spending money in a bipolar, manic impulsive way? i mean i have been spending a lot of money lately.

i mean i am privileged to have savings to spend. normies dont have this. in fact its this savings which has enabled me to become a damn FRAGILE NEET NEVERGF LOSER.

shitlibs always use the word “FOLKS”. black folks, white folks, muslim folks, it sounds stupid hahahaha.

maybe i wont bring the coffee on the first day because they might be anti coffee. that would be pretty gay tho.

heh. watching bill o reilly and he just showed 10 seconds of richard spencer and npi and oreilly called them wacko white supremacists that are just like louis farakhan, idiots saying hitler stuff, of course showed the part where the audience was roman saluting, and oreilly was like these nutty white power racist extremists.

i mean did i really expect msm to treat spencer any differently? no not really hahaha. i just sorta like seeing spencer on msm news. and im sure he does too. but its the wrong damn message! hes getting LIED ABOUT! slandered! libeled!

plus this isnt gonna convert anyone. the fox news watchers will just forget about spencer, or they will believe hes a natzi.

the people who are interested in this stuff ARE GONNA FIND IT. they know how to use the god damn INTERNET hahahaha. im not sure we need to recruit anyone. well, except for rich powerful and or successful people. just like big winners in life. turn THEM from shitlib to alt right. turn them from libertardian or basic bitch fox news conservative to alt right.

wow this fruit of the loom 5 dollar black fleece sweater is very nice hahaha.

dec 1

heh. when it comes to thanksgiving dinners and huge political divides within families and friends, its always the shitlib hillary voters that are all butthurt little crybabies about it. but thats because they LOST. so they are justified in being angry? justified in closing the door on their family? because you cant be in the same family as a bunch of RACIST, SEXIST, HATEFUL WHITE MALES WHO OPPRESS THE WORLD?

thats what it boils down to. it’s amazing that we’ve come to the point where people cant even think of saying, yeah, i admit it, i’m kinda racist, AND THATS NOT A BAD THING.

instead, its THE WORST THING IMAGINABLE. if you are a racist, then you are LITERALLY HITLER because HITLER and the NOTSEES are racist. therefore dapper richard spencer is a nazi, trvmp is a nazi, all trvmp voters are nazis, and you should block them out of your family. and say omg i cant believe my uncle/cousin whatever is a trvmp support racist. TYPICAL WHITE MALE, insecurity and fear. well, at least they’ll be in the minority in 50 years, and the next generations will have it better once this Nazi Race disappears. this is literally what many WHITES think!!!!!

and thats what made me an alt right pro white basically white nationalist hahahaha. i could NOT support people who implicitly supported the disappearance of muh race. whatever you want to call that disappearance. genocide? certainly a gradual, generational death. extinction, extinguishment, snuffing.

no its NOT natural selection because how can you believe whites are not fit enough to SURVIVE?

http://www.metalstorm.net/pub/interview.php?interview_id=745

decent saor interview

http://paganstorm.altervista.org/pagan-storm-intervista-saor/

another one

there are some boring worthless interviews out there too

there should be interviews with people making 25k a year on how they became such an extraordinary person who acheived this extraordinary achievement. or getting a gf hahaha. there should be zines and youtubes and stuff about that. oh yeah theres plenty of pick up artist stuff out there for wannabe negros who want to bang sluts, but not a lot on How To Stop Being A Neet, and how to Start Being a Normie nonneet nonnevergf evergf.

That’s where I come it. That’s my value add. That’s WHY YOU NEED ME hahahaha. pay me. 25k a year. 12.50 an hour. i’d be happy to resolve your issue. serve you. add value.

interview normies on how to become a normie hahaha.

get haircut tomorrow, kinda looking forward to that.

terrible about studying my shit for start of job. not really sure how to study. how do you study something you cant see. i need to SEE shit visually. well thats my WEAKNESS and FRAGILITY and why i am a neet who is so hard to find a job. because i cant just talk to a person on the phone, have them describe something ive never encountered or seen or used, and then fix it for them without ever seeing it, without ever have seeing it in the past. look for this part. where? well, its somewhere in there. look on all sides of the thing. what am i looking for? not sure what it looks like. tell me what you do see. welp lets try them all then, i think these 3 things might be the part were looking for. i uhhh havent done this in a year so i cant remember what the part looks like, and theres no documentation of it, and i cant ask anyone for help, and theres nothing on the internet because its an in house thing, and theres nothing on our in house intranet.

nobody told me the real normie world would be like that! it is like a NEVERENDING final exam filled with trick questions, long story problems, and essay questions, where you get bitched at every time you get 1% wrong, and you dont have anywhere to turn to for help except a book that reads like it was written by chinese joos! and people bitch at you for being dumb because you cant make sense out of it. all day every day. 50 hours a week. the weirdest most unexpected shit happening, feel like your brain is going to explode at all times.

then YOU explode and start punching people in the face, grabbing b1tches by the pvssy, shouting n1993r n199er n1993r and get fired hahaha.

chill out with the ff piano collections.

dream and yearn for the day you might find an MJ connection hahahahaha and 420 blaze it ph4ggot once again.

ff10 music is prob best imo hahahaha

no its just the one im most familiar with.

holy shit that is so relaxing. listen to this shit and chill the fook out. sm0ke mj if you got it. i dont care if its nonwhite. japanese are only acceptable nonwhites. also this shit is very white inspired. this is japanese paying homage to whites. YOUR WELCOME.

is it paranoid of me to think that when someone says “welcome” instead of “youre welcome” in like a Work Chat, esp with you asking them for help, that that means they think youre stupid and you are wasting their precious time with your stupid questions? so they show that by not even taking the time to fully say YOURE welcome?

or am i paranoid and overanalyzing shit again?

when i used to get overwhelmed and confused at the complex shit at my job…..suddenly i lost my ability to understand even SIMPLE things. i would get confused by SIMPLE things that I used to understand. lost ability to understand all nuance. i needed EVERYTHING explained like I was 5. this sucks.

like explain to me the difference between scots and irish hahaha. besides the obvious “answer” that one comes from scotland and one comes from ireland. well what about scots irish? ulster scots? the picts? the gaels? the scots language? the gaelic language? viking/scand influence?

explain all THAT shit to me like im 5 hahaha.

the gig economy. it has NO positives. NONE. it simply means you cant go to one job for 40 hours a week and make a living that way. you have to cobble together 100 different freelance jobs with no schedule or predictability just so you can make 25k a year. you have less time for yourself and your family and your race. and your god hahaha. and your CHILDREN.

its just like these sharing services are not good at all. it simply means a normie person cant AFFORD a car or a bike or a tiny apartment.  or anything. you just rent EVERYTHING and never own it. because ownership is what white male oppressor capitalist nazis do, maannnnnnnn. its BAD to own shit. its SLAVERY. yeah well so is making so little money you have to rent your damn clothes hahahaha.

im renting this 12 dollar poplin shirt from walmart. im renting my SHOES from walmart for 2 dollars a month hahaha.

i mean yeah with CARS, i hate CARS, and if you could get away with not needing to use a car, fine. but you need a car to drive to your job 6 days a week and then Chores on the 7th. renting a car would be more expensive than owning a car.

i mean thats how these shitlibs, whites included, view the White Race: WHITES = NAZIS. Similar to how people hated the Germans after ww2, and now germans are cucky and pathetic and opening the door to their extinction. same thing is happening with whites in general. oh whites did the holocaust. whites did slavery. whites did all this imperial colonialism shit. whites do sweatshops in china. whites start all the wars in the world. whites are nazis. whites are oppressors. whites NEED to step down, whites NEED to be stopped. im white and i acknowledge whites need to be stopped.

that is the Root Belief these people believe, and I couldnt disagree with it more, which is mainly why I became a White Nationalist hahahahahaha.

You know, I might even allow a maximum of 10% nonwhites in my White Nation! the most talented, useful, productive, peaceful, best of nonwhites, and they would have to Assimilate fully into white culture. and breed with each other only, not whites.

then what about the kids. i mean one day some white slut is inevitably gonna have a brown baby.

well i guess as long as the percentage is kept to no higher than 10%, it shouldnt really be a problem.

how about 5% hahahaha.

we can keep the joos out altogether because they are the most antiwhite race there ever was or will be.

joos are the real fooking cancer on the human race, not whites.

its not really a culture of critique as much as it is a culture of subversion, poisoning, and destruction. a cancer culture.

they are by far my least favorite race and i still dont HATE them in the way shitlibs say racists HATE people. i will never personally encourage violence against joos. i just would like them out of my country, in my ideal world.

individually i can talk to and get along with joos. but as a whole, they gotta go. hey they can have a nice life in israel. its like a fooking resort country. very high quality of life in israel. great health care, total first world country. good jobs, good gun laws, hahahaha. just go to fooking israel. PLEASE. and fook these dual citizenship joos. go to israel and STAY there.

because DA JOOZ are the reason i cant get a woman or a job. they have turned all women into disgusting cvm guzzling wh0res. hahahaha.

well, they HAVE encouraged promiscuity and degeneracy and casual sex and pornography and sexualization of everything!

 

WHY IS POPULISM BAD

nov 19

ok this post should be shorter, hahaha. 4000 words max

i always liked jack lemmons uptight, nerdy, supplicating, neurotic style. it seems pretty jooish but i dont know if he was a joo. varg LETS FIND OUT.wav

” He was the only child of Mildred Burgess LaRue (née Noel) and John Uhler Lemmon, Jr., the president of a doughnut company.[2][3] His paternal grandmother was from an Irish immigrant family.[4]    ”

looks like not a joo. thank god hahaha.

yeah i mean i wish a bigboy FT job had picked me rather than this littlegurl PT job, it puts me back into the same conundrum i had when i was 26 except im not a young man of 26 anymore! but the good news is it lets me fix the GAP, and its also guaranteed not to give me a nervous breakdown hahaha. i just cant start any drama with WOMEN, and also i cant lose sight of the fact that i have to move on from there fairly quickly. ideally i would get a ft job with the same company.

i was very often trying to work for and win womens approval. with That Woman, at the beginning, i wasnt working at all. i mean i was doing shit, but i wasnt struggling and scheming and planning and strategizing and calculating and overthinking. we just got along veyr well and beause of that she liked me and i liked her. but not in that way. yet.

and then when i DID start liking her in that way, it all became that damn chess game where i had to figure out How To Make Her like me back.  it is an exhausting struggle that i have NEVER won.

but yeah either the woman likes you or she doesnt. either she s going to going to give you a chance or not.

and even when i have gotten as far as making out or Casual Dating with a woman…….it wasnt really HARD. there was enough Natural “Chemistry” or attraction to get me THAT far……but no further.

new crowbar album november 2016 “the serpent only lies”. i always liked crowbar but my peak with them was “oddfellows rest” in 2000! great album, possib muh fav of theirs. since then i havent been following them too much just because they are always releasing albums.

yeah EXCEPT they went on a solid hiatus for like 6 years while kirk focused on down. and since down is not looking super hopeful, i am glad he is doing stuff with crowbar.

i mean crowbar is very HONEST and SINCERE and REAL and keeps it REALLY REAL and there is absolutely nothing PHONY about them.

also i really dont think kirk is a joo. some white power guy on the internet has him on a list of joos but i doubt this.  mean his lifestyle is total working class white guy whitelash.

i know he had some struggles with drinking but not super hard drugs or anything. i wonder if he smokes MJ every day like a degenegro. PROBABLY hahahaha. now he just gets raging drunk less. i dont think he quit drinking altogether.

so yeah he’s not a model aryan ubermensch, just a flawed normie, and i believe his heart is in the right place, and i can respect someone who has an Instantly REcognizable Musical Style, which he does. no one else in the world sounds like this. he is Not Derivative at all. he’s been doing that for 30 years. he is all about good riffs and good songs and very honest unpretentious lyrics about being Tuff and Overcoming Adversity. how can you dislike that?

his main flaw is basically just getting sloppy drunk, or at least he used to, and i hope he doesnt anymore.

i dunno i did see down like 3 times with him and….he was one of those guys that probably could get totally fooked up and still play very well.

technically once i was face to face with him and said hello and shook his hand hahahahaha.

i was in this same situation 2 years ago with their previous album: oh i like and respect crowbar, i will always give crowbar a chance, i wish i was more familiar with their later stuff.

maybe their later stuff just isnt as GOOD hahahaha.

i dunno, on the surface it certainly doesnt seem BAD!!!!! i mean its textbook crowbar!

but yeah albums like “broken glass” and “oddfellows rest” had a MAGIC for me, and i am wondering if thats because crowbar had more MAGIC back then, or I had more magic back then when i was young and innocent.

but yeah even if i cant REMEMBER any of the last 5 crowbar albums, i will always respect what they do.

also i think kirk became RELIGIOUS with their 3rd most recent album hahahaha. like CATHOLIC i think. which is bretty kewl imho. wish he talked more about that. figured it would be more of a controversy.

anyway i just hope he is a good father to his child/ren. i know he has at least one.

i know that he was married and was divorced. was she a piece of trash? was it because he was drinking too much?  what about the children?

anyway, as with all white men, i hope he is trying not to be a drunk degenerate, and is being a good father. the fact that he can write such honest music is a signal that he has good intentions.

yeah the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but they mean something to ME at least hahahaha. better to have good intentions than not, i say. its worth SOMETHING.

had dream last night that i was in AUSTRALIA with a group of people including TWO of the young qt women i used to work with when i was 26 to 30 hahaha. yeah and That Woman was a third woman of those. i only meet qt women at muh job hahahaha. thankfully That Woman was not in the dream. but woman2012 was! and also this other qt dark haired gurl that got married kinda young.

dont remember much about the dream other than near the end, i was kinda getting ostracized from the group. or i was being a dick and i ostracized myself. either way, i no longer had a chance with either of those two women. that sucked hahahaha. just wanted some cuddle and make out and hang out and romance action. i only had good intentions. i didnt want to use anybody for casual bullshit.

so i would have dated 2 girls at once? yeah but i would have been honest about it hahahaha. and if foreced to choose i would prob choose woman2012 because she had longer legs and a bigger ass hahahahahahahahahahahaha

and then tell the other gurl, SORRY for hurting your feelings, youre a good person, you wont have ANY PROBLEM finding a decent man.

they are finally coming out with the black metal lords of chaos and they are having a guy named COHEN play varg vikernes hahahahahaha. WOW. i wonder what he will say about that.

yeah i mean i will probably watch it just for fun, im sure it will be horrible. but hopefully FUN at least.

darkthrone told them NO you cant use our logo or our music. i respect anyone who can turn down free shekels like that.

but i also think, well, they have lives and families, and the shekels could HELP them!

but the movie does sound really really really jooish hehehe.

i would totally let darkthrone play a show for 100 grand tho. that is MUCH less jooish.

play the show, give the money to your kids, build a home in the country far away from the urbanite, raise 5 kids like varg in the country. be like varg. varg should play a show for 100 grand hahahaha. he could say whatever he wanted and then never get invited back because he would hopefully say a ton of antis3m1t1c and pro-white stuff!!! hahaha.

or not play ANY songs, and just give a pro-white speech for hours hahahaha. well i would want him to play songs though haha.

and all the drunk degenerates would be like boooo racism. i mean really. its pearls before swine.

so have the show be a very exclusive alt right invite only thing, where you can onyl get invited if you pass an interview process proving your pro white bona fides. then they could raise money from rich successful white pro-whites to give to varg. might not be as much as some jooish festival promoter tho hahahaha.

unrelated but this album could also be good. epic atmospheric pagan black metal with some celtic angle and great cover art hahaha. also brand new. i guess i am into super newly released music again. thanks deathspell omega hahaha.

yeah this sounds very promising, little long tho

plus i like the scots hahahaha

got those whistles and flutes and bagpipes, very nice, i will accept this in muh atmoblack hahahaha he is a nationalist but doesnt quite realize it yet hahaha.

i think me MIGHT be an american but he moved to scotland. glasgow. not sure if the guy from panopticon (austin lunn) plays drums on this like he did for saor’s last album “aura.”

no its a guy from this other scottish black metal band hehehehe.

ok andy marshall of saor does anoter scottish atmo black band called fuath, good job buddy, writing 2 albums of epid 16 minute songs, in 1 year hahaha. he also had bands before saor called askival and in vino veritas. dunno guess i just like the idea of SCOTTISH BLACK METAL hahahaha and this guy is pretty much the biggest name in it.

(shit i saw a picture of him where he had big faggy ear gauges. seriously. kids in 2016 still do this. never understand that shit. DEGENERATE. )

well with me and music, i kinda have to go where the spirit takes me. its not supposed to make sense or be logical or even necessarily good music hahahaha.

welp listened to that crowbar album, it sounded exactly like crowbar. their sense of consistency is something you make a good natured joke about at this point. hey i dont really want them to do anything different, just make good songs. well i mean for example i know kirk is a big led zeppelin fan, so why dont they write a song with some LZ influences? also i would like to see more Mellow and Clean Singing songs, because he has a GREAT clean voice, spine chilling. they started doing occasional Clean songs in 1999 hahahah so its nothing really NEW.

heh. you know whos NOT degenerate? GARTH BROOKS. thats right. i decided i should really start listening to garth brooks. hes not part of this super faggy new school of jooified “country” and he is a nice family man who retired from a super popular career to spend more time with his kids. and now that his kids are grown, he’s coming back a little bit, playing more shows.

hes a little bit SILLY of a guy but i think thats because he genuinely enjoys life in a non degen way hahaha.

and he is a very good performer.

george strait would also be acceptable to listen to hahahaha.

i thought this shit was corny and lame during the 90s, but it was probably the least degen popular music available in the nihilistic 90s, and also country music got much much much much much much much worse over the next 20 years!

ok so my new  job goal is to write as many super duper detailed, epic, heroic, miraculous WORK STORIES as possible. get at LEAST 10. so i can have a RAFT of SUPER DETAILED, SUPER AWESOME STORIES chock full of specific detail in future interviews.

i had some work stories now, but the key thing that i forgot to do back then, was WRITE THEM DOWN AS SOON AS THEY HAPPEN, DAY OF, AS MANY DETAILS AS POSSIBLE, and then you can always edit it later.

and you SHOULD edit it later, to make yourself look smarter and better. the important thing is that there are a TON of details.

get at least ten of these stories and you should then be able to interview your way into a better job. maybe be worthy dating women that almost look as good as transsexual men hahahahahahahahahahaha

hey they are plenty of terrible looking transsexual men, they arent all think young feminine looking qts hahahaha, some of them actually look like big burly crowbar esque men ahhahahahaha.

i cant believe i didnt write down work stories before. i had so many of them! i know i TALKED about them into my recorder. i could do back and listen to those tapes and then write the stories out. but apparently i didnt want to do that!

it would have been better to smuggle out the case notes….but i stopped doing that a few months in.

so i could have done THAT from home, i had access to case notes from home, i could have just copied and pasted.

but i was so fried and burnt out and broken down, i couldnt even think of obvious, easy solutions like that.

shit just copy down the top 20% of interesting, weird, or detailed cases! just copy the weirdest ones!

wewlad just got down to lowest weight evar, 132 lbs. i mean its POSSIBLE i weighed less than this like 12 years ago!!!!! but not recently! and i am old as shit and at basically the lowest weight i have ever been! so thats good! i mean i could actually get away with GAINING weight at this point…..but i dont really want to do that.

USE YOUR WORDS TO COMMUNICATE. AND USE UNAMBIGUOUS WORDS, not words like “like” or “hang out.”

well at least she feels bad about breaking her bfs heart hahahaha. sounds like she feels REALLY bad about it hahaha. GOOD. YOU SHOULD hahahaha.

no sorta kidding, she shouldnt feel THIS bad if she made a good faith attempt to dump him in a sensitive way, without trying to add insult to injury.

“sounds like she didnt have much respect for your relship if she dumped you with a TEXT” hahahahahaha

yeah i THOUGHT she had MORE RESPECT for me than that

and i thought i knew her better than that.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

still wanna sm0ke mad w33d.

still thinking about going to a SHADY ASS “doctor” in a dispensary on “doctor day”, saying i dont have any medical records, and that ive been getting persistent chronic pain in muh….back. carpal tunnel. then getting the card sent to a po box. then just let the po box expire once i have the card and i am buying tonnes of MJ hahahaha.

its like a prescription that NEVER RUNS OUT. that alone is rather unbelievable.

go to a doctor ONCE, have a card to buy drugs FOREVER. well, for 2 years. even still, could you imagine getting a 2 year prescription to buy as much Painkillers as you wanted? as much benzos as you wanted? for 2 full years! INCONCEIVABLE!!!!!

nov 20

sheeeeeeeeeeeit.

ok on my first day i gotta bring in donuts or bagels.

also gotta be dressed like a damn boss.

i dont think they wear suits every day there hahaha.

ok there is a 24 hour tim hortons nearby, so i can get some donuts and bring them in at 8 am hahaha

then they will judge and bullycide and abuse me for being uneducated, trump supporting and racist enough to buy such racist, hateful, bigoted donuts. donuts are what FAT BIGOTS like COPS eat.

i am being Silly but thats not far off from my usual line of Distorted Thinking, which has wrought massive anxiety and despair in muh life hahahaha

EVERYBODY HATES THE DESPERATE. nobody likes desperate people. employers, women, kool kids, winners. all shun and shame the desperate.

you know who LUVS the desperate?

JESUS! GAWWWDDDDD!!!!!!

so never forget that. when its lonely desperate you and the world is against you, JESUS is on your side. and LUVS you just as much as he luvs TRVMP.

hell yes i support jeff sessions for atty general. but the question is, how does he feel about joos. it could go both ways. some of these southern bigots luv joos and israhell and are not j wise at ALL.

SEE? ALL THOSE TRUMP SUPPORTERS ARE HUGE WHITELASH RACISTS!!!!!

no they arent, just the alt right subset hahahaha.

and at least half of them are polite and nice like neoreactionaries. and dont use hate speech like I do hahahaha.

so yeah i do not represent trvmp, nor do i represent the average trvmp supporter, who is probably WAY less racist than me hahahahahaha.

so whats the deal with jobs where they dont even tell you the salary range during the interview, you have to get to the second interview just to get a god damn IDEA, when its not a 60k a year job were talking about, its more like 30k job. you dont GET to be so circumspect about salary for a 30k job…….well yes of course you do!

but yeah being TOUGH, thats always been a problem for me. tough situations in life that SHOULD act as a crucible to toughen me up and make me into a better, stronger man…..i always break down and become a weaker, bigger loser.

anyway WOMEN. dont have such SHALLOW relationships. take PEOPLE more seriously. PEOPLE are important, relationships are important, intimacy is important. cuddling is SUPPOSED to build intimacy, sex is REALLY supposed to build intimacy, and women have this damn carousel of men, relships, sex, cuddling, motions of intimacy, and its all a lot of things that are SUPPOSED to be important or intimate, but they treat them like NOTHING.  its DISTURBING and SOCIOPATHIC hahahaha.

thats why they call it a RELATIONSHIP, because its all about RELATING to/with another person!

hmmm npi conference was yesterday. millennial woes looked like a slob in a purple t shirt and gray hoodie. looked like a real unemployable neet, looked like me lounging around the house hahahaha.

redice did a very nice stream of basically the whole event. THANK YOU redice.

i guess emily youcis got harrassed by antifa outside and sprayed with something.

i mean i dont like women in the alt right, but she has earned some cred for that i suppose.

ill still white knight more for alt right trannies than alt right women because the trannies are less of degenerate sluts than the women hahahahahah.

that proves it! Im a woman hater pure and simple and woman hating has no place in the alt right, in pro white, in a healthy society! this is MY PROBLEM that i need to FIX!

things that mean SO much to you, like cuddling, or making out, or fooking, or spending time with somebody, or having a rel with somebody, or being vulnerable and intimate with a person, it all means nothing to women! its all as meaningless as taking a dump!

i dont think they INTEND to be SOCIOPATHS! and isnt INTENT a big deal to me?

well….only to a point. if you cheat on somebody and say well i didnt MEAN to cheat on you, it just HAPPENED, one thing led to another…..yeah ok intent doesnt matter there. you have plenty of time to stop it.

i didnt intend to be a sociopath, i just acted like a sociopath in all muh relships and never tried to stop it.

nope, not all relships, just the ones with me!

i bring out the sociopath in all women hahaha.

no thats WRONG. NOT TRUE. woman2012 didnt treat me like a sociopath. That Woman didnt ALWAYS treat me like a sociopath.

havent you ever just RUN AWAY from something you couldnt handle? i ran away from College when I was 21 because I was like I Just Cant Handle This Any More. I should have done it at age 18 or 19! then immediately gotten Severe Treatment, 100000000000 mg of prozac, maybe some electroshock, then gotten a STEM/math degree at my prestigious univ, or gotten a stem/math degree at local less prestigious univ so i could stay at home and not be tempted by degeneracy, or at worst just gotten a business degree from local univ, or something. maybe being out of that environment would have been good. because i was tempted too much by the degen of MJ.

i still used MJ and alcohol when i was at home though……..

i dunno. i should gone to a shrink along with my 1000000000000 mg of prozac, and they could try to convince me to stop doing mj and alcohol. because i was too young for that shit.

http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Tough

https://www.google.com/#q=how+to+be+tough

ok read and understand. if you have a question, read it again until you understand. dont come looking for me to give you a free ride hahahaha. read and understand. youre an adult nao hahahaha.

If you could federally legalize MJ with a 35% tax on it……..then wouldnt it behoove the feds to legalize it?  theyd make billions of dollars on the taxes, more money than they make nao from…….what? booze being legal? but that money is going to booze barons, not politicians or govt!

also if MJ were legal, MJ barons could make a ton of money, as well as the govt taking 35% taxes on it!

not that I think taxes are good, i am just saying its a way to convince govt to make it legal, because THEY love taxes, and i would be WILLING to pay HEAVY taxes to have MJ legal and easily available.

im just trying to figure out why mj is still illegal. basically, both the govt And the Superrich Elites could make a TON of money off it being legal! so why dont they?

i mean they are probably GOING this way, it will just take 10 more years, cuz govt moves SLOWWWWWLY. except when legalizing phag marriage. that happened pretty damn fast hahahaha.

i mean most people can get MJ because its easy to get for social normies. they always know at least one person. the one person i sorta know is unable to do anything at the moment, so i have to wait hahahahaha.

well dont blame THEM!

im not tho!!!!! really!!!!

heh. that was another thing i lost when i lost That Woman.

maybe she really was just shady sketchy white trash that im better off without her in my life hahahaha. i mean she certainly thought SHE was much better off without ME in her life!!!!! and im not that shitty! seriously!!!!!!!!!

maybe her mind was so clouded and she made such bad decisions because she did MJ every day.

i also made very bad decisions and ran away from responsibilities when i was 21 largely because i did mj every day!

well she was older than 21!

21 its ok to be immature. 25, you should start thinking about adulting and being mature.

of course i am over 30 and still very immature.

but you can be immature in diff WAYS!!!!!

http://www.wikihow.com/Keep-Yourself-Calm-During-Tough-Times

heh. there should be a psych phd who writes a book on what happens to your Brain as you go Incel over 10 years.

i mean i dont really care about the SECS nearly as much as the general cuddling or intimacy or having a real REL with a woman.

the GFE, the EXPERIENCE of being with somebody special who is diff from a regular friend, or acquaintance, or family.

and women take these very special rels for granted, have many of them, treat them as replaceable and disposable. hahahaha.

no not all women. not even 51% of women hehehe.

hmm intradasting. no real point here other than to say he felt good when she broke no contact on his bday to wish him happy bday (she dumped him and it was very hard for him), he struggled in doing NC, and now she was sending this message, and he was like, i felt better know that i and the relship meant something to her.

now he says he doesnt want her back. i dont know about that!

standard stuff

hehehe his 22 yo gf has been with a LOT of guys. at age 22 i had only been with 1 gurl. at age 32 i had only been with 1 gurl.

always gets dumped by girls after a few dates or fooks and they see how INSECURE and NEEDY he is. well he is still young as shit, but this has apparently happened several times. oh well. at least hes not a virgin hahaha. maybe he needs a 10 year period of celibacy until he is 33 hahahaha.

heheh i hate thsi shit. she will dump him because oh im not good enough for such a good guy. but if this were a guy dating a gurl who was too good for him, she would dump him IMMEDIATELY and he would feel REAL bad. how do you think this bipolar OP would feel if her too good for her BF dumped her in a very insulting way, like yeah im way too good for you, you dont deserve me? she would be super devastated!

youre not allowed to be depressed if you got into a decent grad school at age 23. maybe if you got rejected and your only option was work at starbucks or get a devry mba and then become a team lead at starbucks. at best. i mean starbucks might be too good for you, they have health benefits ahhahahahahhahaha.

i also think its stupid that she was over me IMMEDIATELY, while its gonna take TWO YEARS for me to get over HER. go thru a little grief and pain. did i really mean NOTHING to you?

but yeah it doesnt bother me as much as it used to.

it doesnt mean it doesnt still bother me, almost every day!

just relatively less. and i THANK GOD for that.

well at least alt right is sticking as a word that means something to people. they use it on mainstream media to refer to far right white supremists, racists, anti semites hahahahaha. like those evil alt righters. no, not all trvmp supporters are radical racists like those ALT RIGHT people hahahaha.

so now i can be like yep im alt right, and i am looking for other alt right people to hang out with.

and people will say you deplorable racist bigot! or, hell yeah me too 1488! HAIL VICTORY!

and then we will get into a huge argument about phag enabling and religion and mj and me not being hyperborean ubermensch enough hahahahahaha.

yeah well it TOTALLY CAN take two years to get over someone. i dont think thats weird at all.

it just disgusts me that NO WOMAN goes two years without SECS. that even if they are Getting Over some other man, they are having Casual Secs with other men. All Women act like 6 months without secs is such a TRAGEDY.

NO. ITS NORMAL. TWO YEARS without secs while you get over somebody SHOULD be normal.

yeah TEN years is not normal i agree. but were not talking about 10 yers, were talking about 2 years.

anyway this thing is making me think All Women Always Treat All Relationships as Throwaway Meaningless Nothingness, and this is not true. it is CLASSIC COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS.

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/cognitive_distortions.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201301/50-common-cognitive-distortions

like good lord. just swear off of secs with men for 6 months and use the damn dildos youre always talking about.

whats the deal with trumps dead brother (i heard he was a Drunk) and his 2 sisters? i have never ever seen them.

yeah so freddy trump was a kinda black sheep and died at age 43 of drinking. one sister is a fed judge, cant believe we havent heard from her. other sister was in banking? other brother was in family business and makes an effort to stay out of attention. i guess there is no issues between any of them.

ok good enough for me.

don jr drank a little during college but apparently got his act together and is now super successful winner with beautiful white children hahahaha.

hmmm ivanka trump is actually OLDER than me. but eric trump is not hahahahaha.

don jr got married in 2005 and had FIVE children in NINE years. the bad news is that his wife is HALF J00. DAMN. COME ON DON.

well at least its not as bad as ivanka and KUSHNER. im not even sure if they should have children. just dump kushner, marry a goy, have goy children.

so yeah his wife is half jooish. and supposedly tiffany trump is dating a jooish man. COME ON. COME ON DON.

how have i not looked into this?

oh is this a sick joke, eric trumps wife lara is full joo. SMDH.

ivanka the orthodox joo and kushner have THREE children. oy vey. what a shonde. its like annuda shoah!

so all of TRVMPS grandchildren are damn MISCHLINGS.

maybe this is a kamikaze strategy to End Jooish Lines? I have too many doubts about that to think it could possibly be effective. especially using your own children.  maybe they just arent joo wise. but how can they NOT be?

SON OF A BITCH.

also i wanted to ask, WHY IS POPULISM BAD?

because its racist?

because “POPULISM” is a codework for Working Class White Male Whitelash?

yeah pretty much.

now i dont like the idea of MOB RULE, but i dont think that what the MSM is getting at when they say “populist”, they just mean the scary evil racist bigot WHITELASH.

http://www.dailystormer.com/the-rise-of-the-white-lash/

welp if i dont make something of myself in the next 4 years, thats it. thats my only hope hahahahahaha. this is white males time to shine and if i dont take advantage of it, i am done hahahaha. white male privilege alone wasnt enough to make me a productive member of society. i need EVEN MORE because i am THAT bad. and here it is with trvmp hahaha.

yeah i should order a red trvmp hat already.

and hanging out with more trump supporters and especially alt right people in real life.

wearing a trvmp hat in public hahahaha.

how much and what kinds of tax would have to be placed on MJ to make it more profitable to the Powers That Be for MJ to be legal, rather than it to be illegal? 100% tax to feds AND 100% tax to state and maybe another 100% to city?

pay $400 for a $100 bag of MJ? yeah ok i might not pay that. i wouldnt pay more than 50% tax hahahaha.

but shouldnt that be enough?

i mean how much law enforcement resources are used to arrest and prosecute MJ growers, dealers, etc?

as opposed to more dangerous drugs like meth or opiates?

no one goes to prison for MJ anymore!

so whos making money on illegal MJ? Mexican Cartels? and the US Gov wants mexican cartels to continue making money because…….this i cant figure out. The Secret Truth.

because Cartels give Fedgov billions of dollars a year? how? bribes? who exactly are they bribing? it seems like it would be lower level frontline feds would be more suspectable to bribes than top dea directors, fed judges, fed higher ups.

so YOURE TELLING ME that these feds make more money in HIGHLY illegal BRIBES from MEXICAN CARTELS, than all of the fedgov could legally make by taxing MJ 35%? 40%? 50%???

i just find it very hard to believe.

 

THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN

HOW is this the life I’ve chosen hahahahahaha.

oct 25

sheeeeeeeeeeeit.  interview this afternoon with banking company, easy back office super entry level high school job hahahaha.  but i cant get a sweet 35k Recent Graduates or Pathways job with FEDGOV, so as an Old Graduate, Im forced to settle for a 25k nongraduate job hahahahaha. THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN. THIS IS THE HAND IVE BEEN DEALT. I CHOSE THIS hahahaha.

well thats contradictory: you dont CHOOSE the hand you get DEALT by the dealer. its all chance. fate.

yeah but i made a bunch of poor decisions and mistakes that led me to where i am today, so, indeed, THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN.

I was in a C++ coding class with this guy who always used to say that. he was prob severely depressed, maybe 45 years old, working FT i think with mainframes, and i had no idea why he was in the class. he sounded like he had been working with code for years. i guess he didnt know c++, and he also wanted to chip away at his degree so he could get a better job. at age 50. even though he was already working like 60 hours a week in a tech job. he would chain smoke during the break in the 3 hour class and say THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN and sigh despairing and demoralizingly.  hahahahahahaha. great guy.

maybe he was a virgin or a woman hater too! hahaha. or a Creepy, Abusive, Controlling, Clingy, Needy, Immature, Toxic, Narcissistic Bad Man.

the obvious response is: HOW IS THIS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN??!?!?!?! I DIDNT CHOOSE THIS!!!! DID I?!?!?!?! I DONT REMEMBER CHOOSING THIS!!!! NOBODY ASKED ME! NOBODY TOLD ME!!! I DIDNT KNOW!!!!!

IGNORANCE OF THE LAW IS NO EXCUSE. THIS IS THE LIFE YOUVE CHOSEN.

you chose it without KNOWING you were choosing it, or what you were choosing. but you chose it nonetheless.

god damn. how the hell did i not apply for one of those recent grad pathways jobs with FEDGOV when i was a recent grad? because i was immature AF as well as a jooish marxist who believed fedgov was an evil behemoth oppressive nonwhites at home and abroad. how could i become a part of the bloated military industrial complex used to oppress and kill innocent nonwhite wimmin and children in iraq and syria and afghanistan.

like they were just GIVING AWAY 35k entry level jobs to 22 year old shitheads like me. i mean its prob competitive as shit. but i DID have Superior GPA from a Name School, so i think i did technically have a chance. now I got no chance because im not even ELIGIBLE. Im too old. i missed the boat. the fast track. now i am on the nowhere track.

they have more Recent Grad Pathways jobs than they do Basic Bitch GS 05 jobs!!!!!!!!!!!!

i coulda been a contender, i coulda started at gs07, but now id be happy AF to take 05! pleeeeease respond! please interview me! most of all please hire me!

this is how i kill 34 minutes before going to muh interview hehehe. i mean i got the big interview done yesterday. i already researched this company today, i researched them 2-3 weeks ago when i did the other interviews.

i could TECHNICALLY start a masterz degree program (BS online MBA) and then get into one of these pathways jobs hehehehehe.

i mean making alot of assumptions here. what if the pathways job is harder to get into than HARVARD or MIT. i just dont know.

“sort of ex/bf” wtf does that mean???? YOU DONT KNOW IF HES YOUR EX OR NOT???!!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!??!!

heh. at least i got that going for me. there is NO DOUBT that That Woman did not want to be with me. So now all I need to do is Forget About Her, and uhh learn the lessons and not make the same mistakes again. not be a COWARD again. be a MAN.

FIFTY DOLLARS to see MORRISSEY??? For 20 sure. for 30 maybe, a big maybe. i mean im not even a huge morrissey fan, i just respect what he’s done and i like the ridiculous lovesick grumpy image. i only know like 3 or 4 smiths songs and like 1 or 2 morrissey songs. 50$? rather spend it on MJ hahahahaha.

 

why dont you go to grad skool, you old white man. you get in what you put out. maybe if you CAREER FOCUSED like WOMEN you wouldnt be in this mess.

way to have a NEGATIVE, ENTITLED attitude that employers can SMELL a MILE away. go to THERAPY and fix your negative entitled attitude.

i was thinking about posting just to give him sympathy but then the post got locked. prob cuz it got very heated in there with people piling on this poor guy. IMHO, he is ENTITLED to have a negative attitude!

did i even talk about the interview? it was ok enough, i was nervous and rambling. i appreciated that they werent trying to RUSH me out of there in 45 minutes. it ended up being damn 90 minutes. i get the impression they give people all the time they need to Hire and Interview. i was a little exhausted at the end of it. the person was nice enough.

unfort there is also a damn second interview. i didnt expect a second interview for this damn 13 dollar an hour job. well i mean i didnt expect it to be a part of the process. but i would like this job so i DO want to get invited to the second interview.  but its also discouraging. i dont think ive ever made it to a second interview. i mean i am honestly sick of interviewing. 27 interviews and no job hahahahaha. well, i am a little TOO picky about jobs because i know I would prob K myself at a restaurant or fast food or grocery job. so i am trying to get a damn office job.

well just get a “transitional” job. well thats the thing. well sure you have to bullshit like its not transitional and you want to work at this shady restaurant the rest of your life.

well i can handle a lot more than i THINK i can handle, when I am not having Huge Personal Drama with a Woman at the job.

so if any one of these 27 places said yes, i could have probably handled it. for a year or so. then ragequit. then spent the next 15 months trying to find new job haha.

well the manager i talked to knew one of muh references, sort of. i will take that as a good sign. a SIGN from GAWWWWWDDDDDDDD. much like seeing that woman from my old job, working at the place i interviewed yesterday. not sure what is the better sign.

or it just means nothing hehehehe.

now i feel strangely tired. even though i got plenty of sleep. i always get plenty of sleep. too much sleep! i worry how i would be able to handle working 50 hours a week! i would literally have to do nothing but work and sleep. no exercise, no chores, no family, no 1488 podcasts, no powerwalks, no writing hahaha.

but heres the thing, i cant go RIGHT TO SLEEP after work because im too worried and my mind spinning and reeling about work stuff. the best thing i can do is take a ton of MJ, relax a bit, and THEN go study for 90 minutes or so, to give me a sense of confidence on the Work Material and that I am Ready for the crazy day tomorrow. so thats at least 2 hours of post-work home stuff there.

for a person that likes to spend 12 hours a day in bed, that is hard to swing hahahaha.

is it normal to spend 12 hours a day in bed? what is it a symptom of? despair? laziness?

i dont spend the WHOLE TIME sleeping. but uhh I do spend about 10 hours sleeping. 10 hours sleeping every night. the average is 7 hours. come on. but i feel like i cant FUNCTION hahahaha.

i mean yeah for a while i WAS a normie, getting 7 hours of sleep, working super stressful job all day every day. i was paying my dues just like everyone else.

but i just want a job where i can do tasks. have a routine. not have so much god damn change and confusion and being SLAMMED and having to explain and fix shit you didnt understand. its your job to answer the phone and there are calls always waiting in the queue.

heh the best was when i was on like a 90 minute call and i really had to urinate because i had been drinking a lot of coffee and water. i have actually put the caller on hold, ran out of the room and urinated, then came back to continue the call 2 minutes later with no one the wiser. because i was constantly putting the caller on hold for 5 minutes at a time to “research” or “get some advice” or run such and such a program.

but yeah that was HORRIBLE. i guess theoretically i could have asked the caller for permission so i could go to the Restroom. newbs would think, well why cant you just call them back.

ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY CALL THEM BACK because then you are in OUTBOUND call mode and that counts as Not Ready and you have to be Ready 85% of the time.  you are only ready when you are Inbound. on an inbound call, or those times when you are waiting for an inbound call.

i dont remember those times so much but we actually had them. but those times kinda sucked too because you were on the edge of your seat worried about when you would get that call and what it would be. i couldnt just Chill Out.

but yeah technically it WAS better than having one call after the other, to at least get a couple minutes between calls to rest or maybe even talk to your neighbor and try to convince yourself you were a normal human being who knew how to talk to people.

i dont want to work in a goddamn call center on inbound calls ever again! is that so illegit of me???!?!?!?!?!?!

its not like i wont serve customers or talk to people! i will give customer service! I will even sit in the inbound call queue for……..2 hours a day hahahaha. maybe even 3. but not fookin EIGHT hours a day.

i just hate that i WASNT TOUGH ENOUGH. I wasnt tough enough but SHE was.

 

wait until she leaves him for one of her more interesting male friends, he is right to be “insecure.” also he is shamed for thinking casual sex is wrong and not liking that his GF had a FWB casual sex partner. shamed by all the casual sex NIHILIST sluts of reddit.

feel pretty exhausted, not sure why. was it really because of muh 90 minute interview? i think so. but i used to do the equivalent of 8 hours of interviews every day at work. and yeah i was exhausted too but i couldnt sleep because my mind was RACING and worried.

right now im not worried and mind racing thank GOD. but i shouldnt be THIS tired. just from a 85 minute interview. i mean i sleep 10 hours a day. i cant upgrade the citalopram any more said the dr, 40 mg is maximum dose. the other option is that i could add wellbutrin. who knows. might do that. keep adding shit until one day i can HANDLE Normie Life. not even a Rel! but just a normie job. like the ones i interviewed for today and yesterday.

int tommorow, i am barely even preparing. i have talked to these people TWICE before, taken like FOUR tests with them, also this is a part time job, i am sick of doing prep work for them. but this part time job pays pretty well (15 an hour) and i would not turn it down AT ALL. I would welcome it.

just too many god damn college “educated” professional women on reddit. thinking they are all smart and progressive with their horrible nihilistic “progressive” “values.”

anyway i am a VERY low key guy and i would not like the “rockstar” gf like this guy has. its fine and dandy she has “CHOSEN” him but i guarantee shes gonna end up CHOOSING one of her more interesting male friends, and his “insecurities” will be 100% correct. he would be better off with a low key person like him, someone who doesnt have FWB’s.

i certainly want a low key woman. That Woman was very low key and did not like to party at all. no drinking, no going out, just staying in with the family, no tons of male friends. i LUVED that about her. i mean i have dealt with the other type of woman too. too many male friends, sluts, etc. college sluts that probably use reddit now and give horrible advice.

anyway i just worry that I singlehanded Ruined my rel with that woman because of My Issues that I should have been Getting Therapy for!!!!!!

but i HAVE been going to Some Therapy and taking medz every day!

oh god what a butt slut hahahahahahahaha

at the age of 24 shes ONLY had THREE serious enough relationships (out of 600000000000 secs partners) that she Luved enough to let them put it in the ass. THANKS.

anyway didnt mean to get on a tangent there.  i just dont want to RUIN rels with My Issues. Insecurities and Anxiety and Despair and Hate and Judgeyness hahahahaha. oh you had 3 FWBs thats gross and NIHILISTIC hahahaha. well it is.

well i mean reddit said its FRIENDS with benefits and its not nihilistic, its not disrespectful, and it involves communication and respect and mutual appreciation, you are not just using people for secs nihilistically.

so THEORETICALLY its something I MAY be capable of. like if i met a qt young gurl who i thought, oh yeah shes attractive i wouldnt mind having secs with her.

but if she was a decent person and i got along with her as a FRIEND, AND was secsually attracted to her…….i would CERTAINLY get some kind of FEELINGS very quickly.

so i dont understand how these FWBs just dont end up Dating.  you get along with the person as a friend, which is HUGE, AND you are secsually attracted to them, with is HUGE, and together with the getting along? i mean shit it sounds like something that would work really well as Dating, so why the f not do that?

like i was good friends with that woman and wished i could date someone i got along with that well. and then i started thinking of her secsually…..and boom the FEELINGS came right along with that.

so yeah FWB points to the nihilistic shit of being able to separate secs from feelings, which IMHO is nihlistic and wrong and disturbing, just like that anxious niceguy(tm) OP says in that reddit where he was shamed.

fookin interviews. sick of this shit hahahahaha.

YOU WILL DRINK THE BLACK SPERM OF MUH VENGEANCE

may 28

that title is from a nile song on the “festivals of atonement” ep from 1995 hahaha. or 1997.

heh. couldnt sleep last night having work worries, like should i take the post office job. i kinda wish i had never even applied for the post office hahahaha. not sure what would be the less shitty job. city carrier, or mail processing clerk.

https://toughnickel.com/industries/CCA-Survival-How-to-Make-it-Through-Your-Postal-Trial-by-Fire

https://toughnickel.com/industries/CCA-Bootcamp-What-to-Expect-During-your-Brief-but-Brutal-Letter-Carrier-Initiation

https://toughnickel.com/misc/So-You-Want-to-Be-a-Mailman-The-CCA-Experience

heh this is not really changing that very uncertain feeling in muh gut

this author “mel carriere” hahahah is actually a very funny and good writer. There are some very intelligent people who currently work in the PO who write very articulate screeds on the internet. but he has a good sense of humor which i do not think i would share.

heh i am now feeling very bad about post office. my gut feeling says no. ok. its ok to feel the feelings. if i were ACTUALLY DESPERATE that would be a LOT different. If I had kids to take care of or i was gonna get thrown out on the street. and many people ARE!!!!! and god bless them and take care of them. but i dont need that help. I recognize muh privilege. and I know that I am too big of a crybaby and not tuff enough to handle this type of stuff.

basically every job that starts you out at 15 bucks an hour is gonna have a CATCH. where it basically sucks so bad you struggle not to RAGEQUIT.

better to shoot for 12 dollars an hour and never have a wife and kids. just bang 20 year old sluts. ok fine. i mean I would like to have a wife and kids. but as an alternative, and not nearly a perfect replacement, I’ll take banging 20 year old sluts.

I kinda felt this way after I finally got over Woman2012 and before I fell in luv with woman2015.

now I can see how insignificant woman2012 was to my life. we barely hung out, barely knew each other.

woman2015 was a lot more significant. we talked and texted and hung out regularly and she told me secrets.

i am kinda butthurt that I was there for her when she needed me, but she left me in the lurch when I really needed HER.

Ok so I need to come up with a good story when the post office offers me their shitty job hahahaha. say sorry but I’ve accepted another offer. With the county water dept hahahahahahaha.  and then tell the water dept i cant take their shitty job because i accepted an offer with the post office hahaha.

well the best bet is this interview i have next week with a FT City job. department clerk. Maybe it will be like a mini call center taking calls 75% of the day. but it is a lot closer and the hours are 9 to 5 and pays like fooking 18 dollars an hour horry sheet.

well. how much of the day would I permit to be Active On Phone Calls for that job? maybe as much as 65% hahahaha. its 5 miles away, 18 bucks an hour, no split shifts, weekends off. consistent schedule.

so yeah I think I will just put the brakes way on the post office stuff.

i was driving down this one street close to home and there is a big industrial area there including a big FEDGOV installation and I was thinking, yep would be nice to get a job there, thats where successful people work hahaha. and then right near there there was a building affiliated with the local college that seemed to promote technical training. like for smarty pants machining and assembly jobs. the college website didnt seem to have too much info on how to actually take classes in this building.

but i am toying with the idea of taking classes to make myself look less lazy. make self look marginally less lazy, by taking 1 class a semester, and having the occasional interview. not bad plan uh?

classes are expensive though. so thats why you only take 1 at a time hahaha.

oooosh. had to fight temptation to look at HER profile on linkedin. cuz i know she is permanently out of a job now and she will prob get a job a lot faster than I will. but WHERE? i know for a fact things are drastically changing in HER life, and I DO want to know where she goes next. somewhere better? somewhere worse? another Call Center? something with LEadership? something that I need to be better than? and she doesn’t care what I’m doing. so Im glad I fought that urge. she was never active on linkedin, but being out of a job and looking for a new one is a good reason to start getting active on linkedin.

I WAS THERE FOR HER, WHY COULDNT SHE BE THERE FOR ME?

well because i was asking too much.

well i WASNT really. I wasnt asking her to be in luv with me, i was just asking her to talk to me and end the rel in a respectable way.

but she was too confused to realize that. she didnt want to understand that.

and she didnt want to make the effort to understand because she just blocked me!

oh well life goes on and i can make up lies as why to not take this post office job. welp they must have chosen that black guy instead hahahahaha. oh well looks like i was guilty of being white. white mans burden, lloyd.

hahahaha.

i am a proud white man but i have the WORK ETHIC of the laziest inger hahaha. i dont want to work, i dont believe hard work will make you free, i dont believe in the american dream, i just want to coast, i am indolent and insolent and shifty and shiftless and surly.

a white man with a black mans work ethic. this is absolutely shameful and degenerate.

heh. well at least I KNOW its shameful and degenerate.

my new thing is to drink 3/4 a cup of 2% milk in the afternoon while waiting for muh Big Meal of Dinner. Actually, to mix in that milk with a cup of coffee, so i am drinking a large very milky coffee.

really i just want to go back to high school and do all the things right that I did wrong. like maybe got into a STEM high school or a vocational program in high school, like some high schools have good Career Prep stuff and teach you machining and Electronics and stuff like that.

Well I didnt really have a lot of say in what high school I went to. I went to a college prep high school so, i was gonna get prepared for college.

thats ok too. I should have just eased off on the AP classes and went to community college or trade school or, at most, local university. NOT a highly-selective, well-known, successful, middle class, high-expectations university at age 18 like I did.

I didnt realize that getting a bad attitude in college would mess up muh life so much. I had a terrible attitude during high school and I got into a very good college. I had a terrible attitude in college and now I have had a TERRIBLE outcome in life. I was expecting tedious, boring, and average at worst. I had no idea how bad it could get hahahaha.

like, get a degree from this well-known school, any degree, even a useless degree, and get a boring job as an office drone.

NOPE. YOU WISH.

but I was 18-21 years old and I knew nothing! I just wanted to sm0ke MJ, drink booze, and bang young college qts!

which is itself the WORST attitude you can have while at college. because it jeopardizes your performance in a solid STEM field. but I didnt think you needed solid performance in a solid stem field. MAYBE if I were going to a “worse” college. but with the name recognition here, I could AFFORD to COAST in a useless nonstem degree and that will be enough.

IT WASNT hahahaha.

its not that I see myself as being ABOVE that sort of work. its more than I am TERRIFIED that I am not TUFF ENUFF 2 HANDLE IT. its again like private pyle and boot camp. i KNOW Im not above it!!! It is probably above me!

or is this a case where i need to SAY YES to something, then FACE MUH FEAR?

I just wish there were a less extreme way of facing muh fear than taking such a damn big RISK. Going out and doing interviews, ok thats a fear facing thing I can do, but accepting such a controversial job seems so damn risky for me. i dont want to go ALL IN like this.

i luv the fatherland 1488 dadcast but I wish there were also a podcast for neet virgin incel omega losers. lazy losers like us who have no hope of having a job or a wife and kids like these lucky fools who get to secure the existence of our people and a future for their white children.

wheres the podcast for the neets. the neetcast hahaha. it’s clearly incumbent on me to do it. show agency.

on episode 27 jim made some remark like he gets a lot of childless men asking to be on the show, and or neets, and then he made some remark like NOPE, we have standards here, we only have men with kids, you can send us your questions, but you can’t come on the show. its NOT COMPLICATED. just meet a nice woman and have kids.

so naturally I and all the other neets will find that very patronizing. believe me I would LOVE to JUST find a nice woman who isnt a god damn traitorous whore, who hadn’t taken 100000000 cox. I dont have a high opinion of my self, but I know I’m better than to Create New White Life with some damn gutter slut.

they think its so damn EASY to find a decent woman and to find a decent job. check your normie nonvirgin privilege, chad hahaha.

so yeah I think they should regularly have neets and at least childless men on. because we want what they have. we listen to the god damn show.

but should you settle for example, with some slut just because she’s white? also the guys didn’t give nearly as much commentary as I would have liked on a forum thread where guys talk about marrying and having kids with single mothers. I don’t want to marry a single mother but SOME guys have done all right with single mothers. how can we diferentiate the good single mothers from the bad single mothers, knowing that being a single mother is itself very risky red flag?  i mean yeah we’d PREFER a woman who was not already a mother!

anyway i just want these guys to understand how hard it is to find a woman who is WORTH having kids with, who isnt a damn whore with 10+ guys. I want a neet or incel to come on the show and give them those hard questions:

should you marry a woman who has been with 10+ guys? has YOUR wife been with 10+ guys? would you marry her if she had?

you do understand many guys have to settle for single mothers because they can’t find decent women who don’t have children. better to just assume they’ve learned from their mistake, rather than they would repeat their mistake.

so yeah hopefully jim goes back on his anti-neet hatred. childless guys are listening to this show because they WANT TO BECOME LIKE YOU. So give them the respect of coming on the show. dont just tell us to have some kids.

BECAUSE WE DONT WANT TO HAVE KIDS with these women!!!!!!!! we want to have kids with GOOD women, like you guys have! you guys actually Luv your wives! and aren’t just knocking up some tattooed slut! you make fun of tattooed sluts just like we do!

applied for the same 26000 dollar entry level county job i applied to 2 weeks ago. they reposted the posting and allowed me to apply again. this time i included two letters of recommendation as opposed to just once like last time.

i forgot about the frustration of applying to the SAME JOBS over and over again because they didnt contact you the first time. it pays less than the post office, but you have a much easier time getting a job at the post office. or a damn call center hahahaha.

i guess if its hard to get……then the better the job IS, right??!?!?!?!?! so I WANT a job thats hard to get. but they’re just so hard to get!!!!!!

reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee just have some kids with the dirty herpes hepatitis bar slut with the neck tattoo and then we can be on your podcast hahahaha. men become deadbeat fathers because the MOTHERS are total shit hahahahaha. you dont abandon your child if you’re having the child with a quality woman!!!!!! if the woman is a train wreck then you run the fook away!!!!

yeah its wrong, yeah you should take care of your kids, but its a lot easier when you love and respect the mother of your children is all i’m saying. and these guys clearly do. they need to RECOGNIZE and respect how hard it is to find a woman like that.

may 29

black pigeon releases a sequel to his controversial and popular vidya hahaha. not a fan of the pornographic (hahahaha) thumbnail but also he does not seem like a butthurt mgtow woman hater either. just speaking from more of a red-pill, pro-white alt right perspective that women vote for antiwhite leaders who bring in more and more outsiders. that women are shitty at defending their ingroup…..but thats not their job, that’s mens job. but they have been given the political power to destroy their ingroup.

so, IMHO, men need to step up and defend the ingroup by preventing women from voting, hahahaha. if every man could keep at least one woman from voting, that would be great.

IDEAS MAN!!!!!!!

so how would you do that?

i dunno do vote shaming. like only sluts and weird weird crazy batshit women vote. oh you vote? you must be a crazy slut catlady who cant get a man. and youre not strong and independent either. youre just crazy and NO ONE LIKES YOU. cool people dont want to hang out with you. the only people that want to hang out with you are losers. the only people that want you are loser creepy men who can’t pull a better woman.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE, BABY?

CREEPBAIT.

oh yeah. had stupid dream with THAT WOMAN again. this is like 3 times in one week, this is RIDICULOUS. And I am actually starting to get over her too! and then the most dreams ever.

Here I was hanging out with 2 male friends, and her, and she was ignoring me and flirting with my male friends. naturally I got butthurt and jealous and mad and started getting angry at her. of course the second you get angry at a woman, you’re the bad guy, so she said something like see this is why I don’t want to hang out with you, your friend is way cooler than you. also I was possibly a little disappointed that my freinds werent taking more of a BROS BEFORE HOES approach.

thing is, she wasnt like that AT ALL. I’ve known other women who were, like woman2004, and yeah that was kinda convenient because it made it a lot easier to hate the woman. and no, no woman was ever doing any serious moves on any of my real close friends.  thank GOD!!!!!

anyway That Woman wasn’t really like that. I don’t want to mischaracterize her and say She’s Like All Women and All Women Are Like That…..because its not true.

so in that sense the dream was bad and inaccurate.

but it didnt really BOTHER me that much thank GOD.

ok one other point. I have been worried that I’m gonna misremember her as our entire relationship was a farce, a relationship simulator, that there was nothing there, that it was a totally one sided rel, much like it was with…..most women i have gotten feelings for.

when its pretty clear there WAS a substantial, real, long term relationship there. and it’s important to me just to recognized that THAT HAPPENED. THAT WAS REAL. that WASNT all in my mind.

And I worry that because of the way it ended, I will remember the relship wrong, and say, welp, its just another woman where the WHOLE REL WAS A FARCE/FRAUD/SIMULATION.

but it wasn’t. many things with women WERE, but NOT THIS ONE. and I don’t want to get confused there. and I have beeen so confused lately hahaha.

what helped me here was I thought about the few other women I had had Real Friendships with. Specifically two other women. maybe 3. I never fell in LUV with them, but we WERE actual friends who hung out regularly and got along well and they didn’t AVOID me and they liked me as a person and thankfully I never Got Feelings.

Anyway we eventually drifted apart with no hard feelings, and many years later, I can STILL look back and say, yep, we had an Actual, Bona Fide, NOnsimulated, Decent Friendship for a decent period of time. I wish them nothing but the best. And I don’t need their reassurance now that the friendship WAS real. I KNOW it was real and thats good enough for me.  and this friendship is in a much different class than all those fake, aborted, farce pseudo-rels I had with other women.

so yeah I don’t want to remember my rel with That Woman as a PSEUDOREL, when it WASNT.

But thinking of the OTHER women I have had legit, bona fide friendships with, it REASSURED me that I won’t misremember things in that way in a few years.

In conclusion, I will be able to look back on That Woman and say yeah, we did have a REAL, legit Relationship. It just ended in the worst way EVER.

just transferred 73 dollars from mturk into muh bank account. gettin paid hahahaha. doesnt feel bad.

also maybe “pseudorel” is a bad word for what I had with Those Other WOmen. I really don’t BLAME myself for getting feelings. Maybe we didnt spend a LOT of time together over the long term, maybe they didnt tell me their deepest darkest secrets and introduce me to their families, but they told me the basics about themselves and offered their  young nubile fertile bodies to me, and I being a young, innocent, naive NiceGui, that activated endorphins and oxytocin and vasopressin in my brain, and I Bonded with them. established an Emotional Connection with them. so that I was confused and very disappointed to see that they could be DONE with me so quickly and easily. Didn’t they BOND with me too? and if they did, how could it disappear so quickly? wtf was WRONG with THEM?

so yeah I don’t blame myself too much there.

maybe is wasn’t a total pseudo rel, but it still wasnt a rel deep rel or a two sided rel.

and at one time, for 2 years, I had a real, nonpseudo, two sided rel with That Woman. I just hoped she would REcognize and Appreciate that. But just because she didnt doesnt mean it doesnt exist.

although lately i’ve been going through a very irrational stage where I am just confused in everything and I doubt everything. how do we KNOW anything. at war with reality hahaha. you cant prove ANYTHING. nothing is REAL. ONLY DEATH IS REALLLLLLL hahahaha.

hahahahha death is real funny hahahah

what about woman2012? was that a pseudorel?

well…..yes and no. it was one sided from the beginning. but she was a nice, honest, moral person. but it was so one sided yeah I can’t say it was ever a REAL rel. but she had good will and good faith. she was just retarded at dealing with men plus she was OBSESSED with her schoolwork. which paid off bigtime for her. well good for her. also when she finally rejected me she did it in the Best Way Ever: Open and Honest Communication.

but yeah that gave me some sense of peace: that I didn’t need HER to CONFIRM that YES, we DID have a REAL Relationship. Just like I don’t need my other female friends to Confirm. Although I’m sure they would be willing to if I Reached out and asked them. But I don’t feel any NEED to. I am SECURE in the knowledge.

fatherland 027 hate to bash jim the anti-neet so much because nick b steves had some GREAT points in this episode, was a great guest. great points on porn like it makes things that arent supposed to be sexual, sexual, so men can’t even TALK to women. they see a woman holding a pen and get nervous and sweaty thinking of porn women holding dicks. the majority of time they spend with women is seeing this artificial hyperstimulus. so they cant interact with women in real life. very sad.

or the idea that gayness is hypersexuality. not EVERYTHING is SEXY.

or the idea that men used to do some pretty gay things together with their male friends but no one even THOUGHT about the gay aspect because gayness wasnt so accepted and tolerated. so you didnt need to say “no homo” every time you complimented a man.

but yeah jim I think you need to rethink your policy. bend a little on this one. have a neet on once in a while. not just the best of the best, one time only. but how about the worst of the worst. like us. hahahaha. we WANT TO BE LIKE YOU remember. we are just STRUGGLING and feel like we are LOSING that battle. support us and pump us up. it’s all about the 14 words. we want the same thing you do. we just would prefer to father our white children with white women who have been with less than 10 guys and have not had any unrepented abortions.

when you have secs with guys so easily it shows a lack of respect for human life.

when you have abortions so easily it shows no respect for human life.

when you discard and replace guys so easy, it shows no respect for human life, that you view people as interchangeable objects.

its SOCIOPATHIC. you put a wall between yourself and the humanity of others.

just the propensity to HURT OTHERS with NO REMORSE. that is what bothers me about women. they just DONT CARE. and this undergirds their approach to secs, abortion, relationships. its DISTURBING and MORALLY WRONG.

do the life creation process with strangers.

casually kill your babies.

casually cut off people who have feelings for you.

all with no remorse, guilt, or shame.

THATS what I dont like about women.

Theyre evil sociopaths. little satans hahahaha.

it seems wrong to FORGET about PEOPLE so easily.

I wouldnt be so butthurt if they showed MORE remorse. just show some damn remorse and i’d feel a LOT better. but even THAT’s too much to ask.  and that’s ridiculous. in an ideal world, you would ask them to feel remorse AND not do evil things. Now you BEG them to just feel remorse for the evil things they do……and they cant even do that.

EVIL BITCHES AND WHORES!!!! LITTLE SATANS!!!! ALL AROUND US!!!!!!!

I dont even trust the WHITE ones. And I trust WHITES in general. well….white MEN. White MEN are by far my favorite group on other, and I am very glad to BE one.

YOUR A FOOKING WHITE MALE! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!!!

i guess dont get mad at women for race mixing because they just dont care about race. ok fine.

but I REFUSE to believe that women just dont care about LIFE, or that they are INCAPABLE of caring about LIFE.  So I will NEVER be soft on them for promiscuity or abortion. Which I guess may be mores serious crimes than race mixing. not that race mixing isnt fooking disgusting!

so much women do is SO FOOKING DISGUSTING!!!! MORALLY REPREHENSIBLE! ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!

ABSOLUTELY DEGENERATE

absolutely degenerate

hey im also critical of myself, not just evil women.

but i dont go around spraying sperm into errant cvnts and playing around with LIFE the way THEY do. I dont discard people like used Con-doms.  Failing to live up to your potential seems like a minor sin compared to that!

I just want to be treated like a HUMAN BEING by women, hahahaha. is that so much to ask hahaha.

how come women can’t treat humans like humans?

because theyre evil sociopaths!!!! OBVIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!

I WOULD NEVER TREAT WOMEN THE WAY THEY HAVE TREATED ME!!!!!!!!!

THAT is why I Hate Women!!!!!

I would STILL never treat them the way they have treated me!

Because I TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY I WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED!!!!!!

I have very low self esteem and dont really like myself that much, but I still want to be treated NICELY! So I am NICE to other people! Including women and nonwhites! I am nice to EVERYONE as a RULE!

so yeah basically i discovered that I DONT NEED HER to TELL ME that we had a REAL Friendship.

And this is reassuring. because before I doubted my ability to KNOW anything, to trust my on mind, essentially. That I was losing my grip on reality and I didnt know what was real and what was imaginary. In terms of my Rels with Women I mean, not in a schizo sense where you hallucinate shit.

but still its VERY distrubing to think that your mind can be SO WRONG on something SO IMPORTANT to you, that you can’t tell reality from your imagination. VERY distrubing. of course the WOMEN do play a role in that as well. they shouldnt be cutting you off so harshly. they should be treating you like a human being. I AM NOT AN ANIMAL! I AM A HUMAN BEING!

they should respect that NOT EVERYONE’S OXYTOCIN RECEPTORS ARE AS FOOKED UP AS YOURS (i mean their own).

NOT EVERYONE YOU FOOK IS AS FOOKED UP AS YOU ARE, BITCH hahahaha

some of us still think The Life Creation Process MEANS something.

EXCUSE ME for having RESPECT for LIFE AND THE PROCESS THAT CREATES IT.

EXCUSE ME for treating the people I do the Life Creation Process with LIKE HUMAN BEINGS. JEEEZ.

I like this young female golfer jessica korda, she is just beautiful. my ideal woman probably. young, non potatoey, natural blond, very innocent looking. horry sheet.

much beautiful, very wow hahahaha

she has this very young, girlish, innocent look to her, like she hasnt been with too many guys. i hope she hasn’t.

anyway I would totally marry her hahahaha. not likely to happen tho haha.

technically I saw pictures of “gay porn” today as I did an mturk task, approving pictures for apparently a gay male dating site as clean or dirty. some of the perverted degenerates took Dick Pics or even pictures of their gay assholes. the Instructions even showed a man sucking another mans dick and another man sticking a dildo up his ass. (as an example of what would be considered SEXUAL and should be rejected) I did not stare at those pictures too long. I finished the task and decided to not take any more from that group.

the user submitted pictures did not contain gay sex but did have a few Selfies of their Dicks and Gay ASsholes.

I mean that jessica korda is just RADIANT. She looks like a nice sweet gurl. I could be very very wrong but I do like that look a lot. My female FORMER friend had that look kinda. other times she looked like an ice cold bitch. But she was actually really really really nice. until the end. when she was really ice cold. that sucked.

anyway I do not count these gay pictures towards my porno strike. which stands at 202 days so far. basically I had to intentionally seek out the porno and probably massage the meat while watching it. typically what men do with porno. but yeah i have since then decided to go on strike and never look at it again. it can bring me NOTHING good. I encourage ALL men to CEASE THIS F4GGOTRY AT ONCE.

It can ONLY do you good to NEVER look at it again.

oh fook you johns hopkins organ donation, did it ever occur to you that i finished the survey and THEN accepted then HIT, because sometimes you forget to accept the hit before clicking on the survey, but YOU have the power to prevent that?

I sent them a dispute and hopefully they arent little bitches to me. youre working for johns hopkins, you are already a winner in life and can probably pull a good mate and definitely a good job. and i dont care about the 15 cents, I care about my Worker Reputation. it’s not easy to keep it above 99%.  every rejection knocks you down a LOT, just like in real life life, and if you’re rejected more than 1% of the time, you’re consiered a loser.

this Korda gurl is of CZECH descent. well good for her. I like Czechs. some beautiful slavs there. Would bang hahahaha. would marry/10 hahahaha

WOULD FATHER WHITE CHILDREN WITH/10

we slavs probably are more emotional and hot-blooded than the cool-headed, more rational aryan hyperborean ubermensch, but thats just the way it is.

Maybe That Woman was so cowardly to me because she was not a Slav so she could not relate to me on my level. She was a Scots or Irish or something. I think. Well this is BS, I think all Whites are capable of being decent to each other, whether they are a Slav or a Saxon.

Should I have KNOWN BETTER, getting feelings for a Non-Slav?

I think this is going a bit too far. I luved her just as much as I could luv any Slav woman, any HUHWHYTE woman.

they say its not luv, its infatuation. this is disqualifying the validity of your fee fees.

MUH FEELINGS ARE VALID! If I say I luved you, then its luv!

This is different that if she feels betrayed, then I betrayed her. no, i didnt DO that. you can TEST that. just like you could TEST that I luved her. she didnt luv me, fine, that’s valid, i agree with that. BUT DONT TELL ME HOW I FEEL!!!!!!!!!!

AND DONT TELL ME I DID SOMETHING I DIDNT!!!!!

At this point, thank GOD, I am over the Betrayal Issue, ie I just dont care any more.

she can think whatever her idiot brain thinks, but shes WRONG. just like I was WRONG about……..well I wasnt WRONG for luving her. It’s no surprise i fell in luv with her. And I never thought my chances were GOOD. I was just WRONG to think she would have more courage and spine here.

whys it so important to me that SHE felt the rel was important to HER? well because that is necessary for it to be a Real Rel and not a Pseudorel that was all in my mind, THATS WHY.

If you WANT an explanation, you wont be satisfied with ANY explanation hahahaha.

so you could say the same about me wanting an explanation from her!

well i didnt really want an EXPLANATION, I jsut wanted SOMETHING. Well, I wanted Kindness and Respect and Courage and to be treated like a Human Being. I don’t care about an explanation. The explanation is she’s Just Not That Into Me. I already KNOW the explanation.

I am more concerned with being Tuff Enough to handle Tuff Jobs like Post Office where you get RODE all day.

We really didnt get RODE much at the stupid call center. Sure there was a gentle push to be like yeah theres a little room for improvement here, but I know your job is tuff and you’re doing good, you are generally really good. i guess its nothing like that at the post office. supervisors follow you around in their cars to make sure you are going fast enough. you cant go to the bathroom. you know why they dont even knock on the door when they have a package?

BECAUSE THEY DONT HAVE TIME TO WAIT AN EXTRA 10 SECONDS FOR EVERY PACKAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!

because the new people are held to the same standard as the veterans!

because the standards are already ridiculous! it is VERY DIFFICULT to meet the BARE MINIMUM! its one thing to get bitched at if you are slacking. but when you are busting ass trying to do the bare minimum, and getting bitched at…..you need to hire more people and give them more time to do it. replace broken equipment that causes processors and then clerks to start late.

or if you want the routes done faster, have more people do them.

or train them better.

i mean thats why they hire PSE’s, to avoid paying career people overtime.

yet they often give pse’s a lot of overtime.

so………….why not just hire more pse’s and not pay ANY of them overtime?

I think that would be a win for the company wouldn’t it? also the PSE’s who are not getting any time off would like it.

similar thing in my old company there. there was a lot of overtime . i thought, why didnt they just hire more people?

so heres my theory: because it would cost MORE to hire enough people to find people who are GOOD enough that you would WANT them to work overtime. you just lay off the people who “arent getting it fast enough” but realize they are also expensive for having to pay unemployment.

BUTTTTTTTT….. you hire and lay off a bunch of people ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and the people who don’t stay long probably wont get enough HOURS to be ELIGIBLE for unemployment anyway! you need to make x0000 dollars in the past 5 quarters.

so hire a lot of people LIKE YOU DO ANYWAY, just hire MORE and that way you wont have to pay ANYONE overtime. even if the people you usually give overtime to are your more skilled people.

maybe thats the argument. the skilled people are SO skilled, they add more VALUE being paid OVERTIME than the average person does not being paid overtime.

but when you are working OVERTIME, arent you more likely to be tired and stressed and upset and add LESS value?

and there is a whole CASTE of BUSINESS ANALYSTS who are supposed to use statistics to answer all these legit important questions!

anyway, the answer to things that dont make sense like this is ALWAYS…..because it SAVES money.

so it SAVES MONEY to pay 100 hours of overtime, than to hire 10 new people?

i guess. businesses have been known to be wrong.

because it SAVES MONEY IN THE SHORT TERM. that is the better answer. The shit could be HORRIBLE for the long term, but the SHORT TERM IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE LONG TERM.

makes sense right? YOU CANT HAVE A LONG TERM WITHOUT A SHORT TERM!

So I hate how this leads to constantly changing shit that is OBVIOUSLY bad for the long term, just to cut costs in the short term.

FIRST DF POAST IN AT LEAST A MONTH:::::
Great topic and great thoughts by everybody! I know that pain as well.

Not to offer unsolicited advice (hahahaha) I would tentatively lean towards meeting with the “MILF” (some people may quite understandably construe that term as disrespectful, but I know what you mean!) and just trying to have fun meeting someone new who you are attracted to. At the very worst, it will be an interesting story. Maybe think of it like that. Very low expectations, just trying to have fun talking to somebody.

Of course I don’t advocate using fellow human beings purely as “experience fodder” but…..I think experience CAN increase a man’s confidence, and IMHO confidence is so ridiculously important for men to have. Confidence might be THE most important aspect of a man’s personality when it comes to meeting women ( and THE most important thing in preventing depression and low self-esteem. Basically confidence is one of the most important things a man can have, period.) I can say this because I have been very unsuccessful with women and I have very low confidence, hahaha. Only somewhat kidding. But, when I have had some very limited success with women….I was at a relative high of confidence. And certainly this generates the opposite of a vicious circle: a self-perpetuating awesome circle of confidence, if you will, where confidence makes you more successful with women, which in turn makes you even more confident, etc.

Problem is, many of these “confident” guys are also narcissistic DBags as we all have seen, and I agree that these NARCISSISTS are some pretty f’ed up, toxic people, which people with a healthy self-image would not want to be associated with.

But there are also good confident people too. Good confident vs bad confident. Maybe you have a male friend who is a total happy go lucky “normie.” He seems to have everything: decent job, decent relationship, but is also himself a decent guy. Just a really good, decent, well-rounded, admirable guy, who is not a dbag. Well, maybe you don’t know anybody like this! But I am basically trying to describe a man who has a healthy, respectful kind of confidence. A real decent good guy, vs a narcissistic “Bad Boy” Thug. The latter I see as being a Mere Caricature of the Authentic Masculinity presented by the former. I hope I don’t have to explain why one should strive for the authentic over the inauthentic!

I am trying to think of a celebrity or a character I could use as an example of Good Confidence. I can’t really, hahaha. Maybe Hank Hill from King of the Hill. Just a solid, respectable man, who is confident in himself, but also very respectful and kind to others.

So I would still tentatively encourage you to meet up with the older woman, and let us know how it goes. It could be fun, and help your confidence. Or it could be a total clusterf**k, but at least it will be a very interesting story, hahaha.

I don’t really think we need to be worried about you “using the woman for experience” when you have no intention of having a serious relationship with her……because I think there are probably many women on Tinder who go into it with those very same expectations! (Well, they might call it “having fun” or “casual dating” or “meeting new people to hang out with.” Point is, it’s very unlikely this woman will want to marry you on the first date, hahaha, and vice-versa.) The important thing is that you have clear communication of both yours and her expectations and wants, and to not lead anybody on. Just have open, honest, grown-up communication. (I realize this is easier said than done. But I think most of us on DF are emotionally articulate people who are more than capable of communicating their thoughts and feelings to others!)

So I say go for it, just don’t lie to anyone. (I mean in the sense of “leading on” someone who wants a serious relationship, when you don’t. If you’re like me, you’ve only ever been on the receiving end of that and not the giving end! But I worry about accidentally doing to others what has been done to me. Anyway, I don’t think it’s THAT hard not to lead somebody on! Just have open, honest communication.) (Of course you are entitled to not talk about anything you don’t feel comfortable talking about, for example she asks you about other relationships you have had. Then I might “get creative” and bend the truth a little bit, while steering the conversation towards a new topic, with a confident smile, hahaha)

Confidence is SO important to a man’s well-being, and this is an opportunity for you to build confidence without hurting anyone. (Not that I would ever recommend hurting anyone anyway! I am referring to “bad” confidence and narcissism, in which people essentially gain a sense of power by controlling others.)

Good luck and feel free to update!

END POAST

30 year old man in a horrid retail job, and nevergf, kissless virgin, tired of seeing qt gurls all day, with dbags, and he can’t get anyone to swipe right on him on tinder, and he is lonely and frustrated. He is debating whether to go out with a “44 year old MILF” from tinder. I tentatively encourage him to do it.

oh yeah. i havent listened to any milliennial woes for months. i kinda felt guilty so I donated 5 dollas to him the other day IM SO GENEROUS AND KIND.

but I also watched a few recent vidyas and my god they were good and I would give them a DUMPTRUCK of Likes:

 

 

some good stuff about men, women, mgtows, rapeugees, and why women should probably not have the vote because they will gladly WELCOME IN THEIR OWN CONQUERORS, and on some level possibly want to be conquered (my words not MW’s!!!!!!) and they just dont have the long term vision or racial awareness or big picture thinking to see how welcoming hordes of barbaric male rapeugees could POSSIBLY be a bad thing. because we’re helping the needy, and omg those syrian men are so much secsier than the wimpy girly men at home! (again my words not MW’s, but this is kinda what he is saying, in a much more classy way.)

also, MW has a tom petty and the heartbreakers shirt which he wears sometimes in some vidyas, and this might be it. only kewl people like me and MW like TP and the HBs. Always a good sign.

ANYWAY, the guy certainly has not declined in quality and I would like to donate ANOTHER 5 dollars to him this year hahahahaha. there is a damn good REASON he is at the top of muh list. I have just become a bit more 1488 than him hahaha. he needs to stop being so NICE and CIVIL. shit I need to stop being so NICE and CIVIL.

TREAT THESE PIGS LIKE THE PIGS THEY ARE!!!!!!!

LIFE IS CHEAP

apri 21

https://www.gq.com/story/my-mom-ran-my-tinder

http://archive.is/thKyY

this was linked on recent fatherland, im sure its ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING

met with staffing agency recruiter today, had first thing even remotely like an interview in 9.4 MONTHS of being a shitbum neet loser!!!!!

took some skills tests on prove it dot com including finally some actual excel simulations. it asked really stupid stuff that i couldnt REMEMBER how to do. like center the worksheet on a printout or where such and such feature was buried. I cheated by looking on google a couple times. I am worried that I did it too SLOWLY to pass. I do not know if i get to see my results. they just tell the recruiter that I am bad at excel. though  I told her I knew about lookups and index match, hahahaha.  didnt have to do those on the simulation though. just sum and avg hahahahaha. there was a pivot table in there.

its degenerate for a 26 year old man to be 4 years removed from a serious relship. (as in the stupid gq article above.) and especially a 26 year old woman!!!

read the article. i mean yeah the son is degenerate and he should let his mother find him a good girl. but he lives in NYC which is a degenerate city and all young men and women are degenerates. and then his stupid UNDEFINED relationship with the woman at the end. its degenerate to not define relationships. either youre friends or youre not. either youre f00king or youre not. He doesnt say they are fooking but I am sure they are. he does say they are NOT dating. not dating but fooking. undefined friends with benefits. a 26 year old man dating a THIRTY year old “girl.”  well this guy is fooked. he has a well meaning mother but it sounds like his father let the mother dominate. but it sounded pretty benign. the kid clearly has no moral compass. well, his mother is the closest thing. he should have let her continue to use his tinder. maybe met MORE THAN ONE woman. meet at least TEN women your mother found for you. and he as a FT job as a GQ writer at age 26 writing gay articles about ONE date his mother set up? i bet he has got to be freelance or contract or part time. not making anywhere near 20 grand a year writing for a big glossy magazine like gq. for that he makes less than a help desk call center worker. he makes less than you. think about that.

not sure what fatherland will say about it, hopefully something similar to that. i mean just say it. these 20 somethings living in NYC are all fooking degenerate with very atomized and cheap relationshits.

in other words, I think tinder is much less degenerate in Flyover Country.

Wore new blue jacket and unstriped white shirt, and new red tie. looked pretty good. shaved beard. coat was a LITTLE big, but not terrible. spent most of my time filling out forms of stuff they could have easily included on the online forms I filled out the day before.

Met with the woman, who was my age or a LITTLE bit younger hahaha. It was VERY distracting because there was another recruiter talking to another candidate in the next cubicle. I could essentially hear the recruiter interviewer the candidate while I filled out my forms. He was ok but asked some hard hitting questions, but the woman candidate was alot more experienced and superior to me, hahaha.

my recruiter was not intimidating and I did ok. Also its kinda good it felt more Informal and Small Time, than a bigass interview with a CEO asking really tough questions.

http://www.benchmarkportal.com/

certification board for call centers.

http://www.benchmarkportal.com/call-center-newsresources/calltalk-online-radio-show/calltalk-archive

they even have a podcast hahahaha featuring the ceo of benchmark.

again this is more useful for managers i think, than for level 1 peasants or even level 2. but it might have some usefulness to the level 1 person that feels like they are not being trained appropriately, and might make them more confident at their job.

learning position is code for: you will be overwhelmed with new shit all the time and you should study at least 2 hours a day AFTER work so you can keep up and do the bare minimum hahahaha. but those expectations wont be explained to you. so I will explain them to you now.

fook. that woman doesnt treat her job as a learning position.

its just SAD. we are both decent people who were PUSHED to do less than admirable things. I pushed her. She kinda pushed me. we both overreacted and acted stupidly and shamefully. and the feeling that lingers in the end, now that I have gained some sense of Calm and Perspective, is just straight up SADNESS. that this just sucks. there is no silver lining. I didnt want her out of my life. My life was better with her in it. and she is never coming back.  so its like learning to live after your beloved wife of 50 years has died. you didnt want her to go. you KNOW you cant replace her.

same here. I didnt want her to leave. I still want her to come back. I know no one can replace her. I wish she felt the same about me hahahaha. Well maybe the silver lining is, I get a new suit and a new job that isnt in a call center hahahaha. the thing the recruiter is looking at pays less than I was making though. fook it. as long as SHE isnt there, and it isnt a CALL CENTER, its WORTH IT.

well the recruiter temp client is a mortgage insurance underwriting type place and they do have an Excellent call center, but I told muh recruiter that I am not the best fit for a Call Center job at this time. Hopefully she understands this, unlike the other recruiter who, after 2 attempts, has not seemed to get the message that I do not want their call center job, and they think I will be showing up to their Call Center Help Desk job in a few weeks hahaha.

you email them so they have a record hahahaha that they dont have when you call, right???!?!?!?!

Well I also dont want to be a no call no show and appears that I have Voluntarily Quit that agency hahaha. I’m just not accepting that Call Center Job. Find me another hahahaha.

heres what I did: i gave the actual person (other recruiter that I actually met with haha. Why didnt the first recruiter just have me MEET with them? I kind of appreciate the personal touch hahaha.) a one page resume AND a two page resume. gave them the choice.

this recruiter used skill tests from “prove it” kenexa

the other one

http://www.findly.com/solutions/skillcheck-assessments/

used findly skillcheck tests.

heh. i was nervous before going in but i wasnt super nervous while talking to them, probably because the setting was so informal and it was distracting, and maybe in a good way, to have the “open office” and hear other people have conversations right around the corner. so that actually helped me.

but yeah. that woman. its just so sad. we both snapped in different ways. i acted out, and she totally shut down. and a beautiful long term rel was instantly terminated. pulled the plug.

well she didnt want to go where i wanted to go. i just wish she hadnt been so disgusted by the idea that she couldnt even respond to me. overwhelmed or not. then send an email a month later. have someone else contact me for you. nope. absolutely NOTHING. show you cared about me and that YOU are sad too, that will show me I meant something to you. because when you are close friends like that, it HAS to mean something.

so yeah they have a call center for…..its like an intersection between mortgage and insurance. they sell “lender placed insurance” products. so i guess the lender, ie the mortager, buys insurance from this company. i think. its confusing of course but as long as I am not getting slammed with questions from Mortgage Lenders and especially Mortgage Debtors, I might be able to survive.

I mean these agents and underwriters need to PASS TESTS.

so my concern is that Im able to do complicated insurance stuff where I have no idea what is right and what is wrong. Wrong looks right to me! It’s not obvious, like Sexual Morality! Being a huge slut who jumps into casual sex is OBVIOUSLY wrong. when youre looking at a bunch of insurance shit, or fooking technical computer shit for that matter, its hard to tell if its right or wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mortgage_servicer

this not the same as the loan originator hahahaha. who may SOMETIMES sell the servicing rights to fannie mae, who now becomes the servicer. ok.

” Allegations included foreclosures being processed with missing or questionable paperwork (including paperwork showing proper chain of title on the part of the investment bank), falsifying dates and other information in foreclosure documents and “robo-signing,” the practice of paying under-qualified personnel to sign hundreds or thousands of foreclosure documents a day, often without properly reviewing the documents.[5]   ”

robo signing hahaha I could see myself getting into some of that! doing shady unethical gotcha j00ish take the money and run shit that you dont even understand hahahaha. you dont even KNOW youre screwing people. just sign this. oh you didnt read the fine print goy. YOU AGREED TO THIS WHEN YOU SIGNED THE CONTRACT GOY.

when you didnt really agree to shit because it was impossible to understand hahaha.

PRINCE died today? holy shit. obviously I have not been watching news since like 11 am.

people on twitter are so stupid and black hahahaha. i am just looking at top hashtags. once was for prince dying, but the top one was for Amy, a 15 year old black gurl beaten to death at a skool while other people recorded it for a viral video. they say gurls were fighting over some Boy. probably some alpha male black thug who had casually fooked tons of 15 year old high school gurls, hahahaha. theyre black AND degenerate. not all blacks are degen but most are.

but yeah i can appreciate prince even though he is degenerate too. had some good songs. I would not minded have seeing a concert. never did. now never will.

was of course curious how he died. age 57. didnt really look like it. was skinny. maybe he did coke. wouldnt be surprised.

i mean yeah you say what what did he do recently. he was releasing like an album a year thats what. he was one of those guys. and i guess now that hes dead they will go back and inflate the ratings of his last 20 albums nobodys ever heard of hahaha.

but yeah its sad shit. i still want that woman in my life and i am still Grieving. I didnt want her to leave. I sure didnt want it to end like that. I wanted to Share The Passages of My Life with her. grow old with her haha. this was clearly the type of luv that lifelong luv is built from. i dont want to marry someone or have children with someone unless it feels like that. it wouldnt be fair to THEM hahaha.  and its so hard to believe I will ever meet somebody that perfect ever again. hahaha no she wasnt perfect but i accepted all her faults.

just such a difficult complicated situation. seems tailor made to be as difficult to get over as possible hahaha. I cant hate her, i cant blame her, i cant stop wanting her, its just sad sad sad sad for months and months and years. no anger, i forgive her, i just cant stop wanting her, my life is diminished without her, its just a long time of suffering and pain and grief.

maybe she will go on tinder and sell herself CHEAP. maybe she wont. it could go either way. maybe she wont. and that makes it even harder. knowing that an honestly decent amazing special important woman has just decided that she is better off without you and has you surgically removed from her life like a TUMOR or an aborted fetus.

wish i had a harvard masters degree like peter steele and could get a sweet job with the NYC parks department hahaha. shit he might have even got a PENSION from that job. and if he could be a bipolar alcoholic and hold down the job, anybody could!

also I think he was working there when he wrote the early TON albums and possibly the carnivore stuff. in other words, he was writing REALLY GOOD albums while FT working at a sweet job. now thats a good life!

but he always had trouble with women it seemed. picking the worst women. or maybe the worst women picked him and he was powerless to resist them. i mean women pick men not the other way around. but if any man had SOME semblance of CHOICE, it would be a tall sexy man like him.

april 22

two typing/clerical/assessment tests tomorrow for city / muni jobs tomorrow. hopefully that puts me in some kind of POOL for future consideration and I dont have to take a 2 hour test for every single city job I apply for.

but again I kinda like the tests better than the interviews. no kinda about it. yes i do much prefer the tests. because i am better at tests than interviews. i got an A in calculus 2 hahahaha and computer science 2 and accounting 2.

I’m also jealous of all these people that have BALLS OF STEEL to be able to HACK IT in the call center, when I was not.

And thats the funny thing. she doesnt particularly have BALLS OF STEEL. she runs away from tough conversations. there were plenty of nice, soft people there who werent particularly TOUGH drill seargeant types. my male friend there was a very sensitive unmasculine untough super friendly guy. how do all of them have the super confidence needed to survive at a CALL CENTER hahaha.

in other words, maybe I can survive the call center when SHES not there. probably thats right, I could.

so I SHOULDNT be turning down this well paying call center job Im being offered with TempAgency01.

But I just sent a THIRD email to the recruiter hahaha. this time cc’ed the other manager on the project who is possibly higher up and or more connected to the client than the recruiter is.

i am worried this will blacklist me from ANY jobs with this agency, but it will probably blacklist me less than a no call no show. but I already sent two damn emails saying the same

awww sheeit now I got a CALL from that recruiter saying that maybe I am misunderstanding and I should go to the training at least to get a better idea. I said thank you for the concern and the clarification, I did have a not so great experience at a Call Center and I really don’t want to return to that environment.

so they are having me speak to a lead recruiter who should be calling me right baout now to discuss more details of the job.

i guess the best i can do is be honest about what i didnt like about muh old job. be brutally honest and  also how i can still be a good boy for the staffing agency if i ragequit this assignment hahahaha.

i wonder if she called me because i cc’d the other person hahaha. that got her attention REAL QUICK.

and i wonder if they are being so nice to me because they are salespeople trying to close the deal, get me in the job, equals commission for them.

ok fine they talked me into it. both of the women were very nice hahaha. i could be sold into my own death by nice acting women hahahaha. but the Lead Recruiter was very well recommended on linkedin and went to a good college hahahahaha. and was very good on the phone.

Also I know better than to send emails or make calls at 4:50 pm on a friday hahahaha. or any day really. all my communication with them was finished before 2 pm. on friday hahahaha.

well…shit starts in 10 days. 10 days i start making money, answering calls in the call center. have to last at least a year to not look like a job hopper hahahaha.

well heres the thing. I could probably still use the Temp Agency to find a temp job at least.

if it turns out That Woman is now working at this place, I can say to the temp, yep not a good fit, find me something else. Cuz for like 4 months at least I would be technically employed by the temp, not the client.

Shit they talked me into it. I mean its good money, and if I can survive, it COULD be a good confidence builder. I WAS getting more confident at my stupid help desk call center job BEFORE things started getting bad with the woman. then THAT decreased my confidence for work related matters, and was a terrible vicious circle which simply would not exist at this new place.

it is a huge place which the recruiter assured me had won award for excellence for the past 8 years hahaha.

well this usually means they have really good METRICS. really i dont give a SHIT about metrics, i care about really, honestly, genuinely FIXING shit and giving good advice to people. period. and if it costs too much to fix the shit, I will tell them that, but my level 2s need to tell ME that, so I have an idea of what kind of shit is too expensive to fix.

there was terrible COMMUNICATION at the last place. between levels, between departments, between locations, between us and the callers.

heh. kinda like the terrible communication between me and her.

oh shit i gotta take clerical tests tomorrow.

also, if I can survive at this job, it would be a great boost of CONFIDENCE which I would REALLY appreciate. Also it would allow me to essentially get good “revenge” on her, meaning: my confidence wasnt so permanently destroyed by her, that I couldn’t even work in that FIELD ever again. that is: i can do the WORK, i just dont want to be around HER. I dont want my crazy reaction to HER to destroy my WORK SKILLS.

well im taking a big risk to prove something to myself. and what if i fail and break down again hahaha.

well at least i TRIED. then I REALLY know I should stay away from the call center.

but I DID IT BEFORE!!!!

and SHES DOING IT NOW!!!!!!!!

tons of people who are NOT VERY SMART and NOT VERY TOUGH are doing it RIGHT NOW!!!!

and i still have plenty of valium. and half the 10 people they are hiring are black hahahaha. i hate being inferior to blacks, and i especially hate being inferior to women who have harshly dumped me.

ok ok ok if its super horrible, I will use the temp agency to find an easy data entry job that pays like 12 DAH. noting in my cover letter my desire to get out of my job as soon as possible, will take a big pay cut, just get me out of there.

god damn. just received rejection letter from like a 13 dollar an hour county office clerk job. I was cautiously optimistic on that one. no interview. no tests. just a rejection. shit i think all jobs should have all their seekers take some kind of damn skills test. excel, word, customer service, decision making. then call in the people who did well on the tests.

give it a try for 6 months, and if i dont like it, i can blow my brains out then hahahahahahhahahahaha.

no i am kidding. i will just ragequit and then beg one of these two temp agencies for a Data Entry job for 10 bucks an hour. available immediately. i really cant handle call centers.

maybe make a contact with one of the black techs to buy MJ from them hahahahaha.

i am absolutely sure people from my old job left there to go to this job. but i cant remember who. i know one guy was THINKING of leaving, went to the training, and then ultimately decided to stay with our shitty job. i dont know why. he was a nice guy but i think the job was getting to him and he was becoming stressed and despairing. he was always shy and quiet and as time went on he became more shy and quiet in the bad way.  he had a useless degree in journalism or some shit with tons of student loans. he deserved much better even though he was a damn dirty leftist bernie voting swpl antiracist white guy hahaha. as things at work got more ridiculous, he channeled his rage into growing an absolutely ridiculous nietzscheesqe moustache which I complimented him on several times and which he accepted very awkwardly. he was very socially awkward even though he worked in a CALL CENTER and i think he also had a gurlfran. despite not being a masculine or charismatic man.  he was super skinny though. and not really tall. some gurls like super skinny guys. the worst is when you are not tall, but also not super skinny. like me. you have a potato shape and have to bust your ass not to bloat up into a potato. i will never be super skinny, i will have to WORK to not be Overweight. the curse of a potato body.

I mean I should give things TWO chances right? and this place will either be better, worse, or about the same, overall, as the old place. what is certain is that I will be making more money hahaha. And I had two recruiters encouraging me to go to the paid training after I had Frankly Expressed Reservations to both of them. So that really did convince me a bit.

But what if the other place calls me back soon? they might.

Well…..May 2nd, 10 days from now, a week from MONDAY, is the start date for the god damn job i am worried about. they said 17 DAH and I shouldnt be saying that, its confidential hahahaha. the other job is 13 DAH. however I am willing to give up 160 dollars a week, which is only 32 dollars a DAY goy. to have an easier, lower stress job.

weird feeling to express concerns about the job and then have somebody still encourage you to Try It. this is a JOB we’re talking about, not some weird exotic food. you would think, oh, you have the least bit of trepidation? ok then see ya, we’ll just find somebody who really wants it!

so to have someone offering you a job, you saying i really dont know, i dont like tech support call centers, i reallllllyyyyy dont know about this, and then saying come on, this one will be different, i dunno. i never had that happen before.

april 23

sheeeeit. spend a beautiful saturday taking assessment tests for municipal/city Clerk job. the first was a full time clerk job, 34k a year. there were about 40 people taking this test. it had 65 multiple choice questions and one “written portion”, where you simply write a revised edition of a rather unprofessionally written memo. no typing, no excel, no computers. they did the test with booklets and paper and pencils. The whole thing could have been done online, on your computer, which would have been more fair to the People rearranging their schedules to take the stupid test.

there were analogies, definitions of words. ambition is to success as intention is to _______. immediately I thought “action”, then looked at the choices. there was action and there was also decision. I thought, well, decision could work too. since technically it could go intention leads to decision which then leads to action.

i also realized i didnt know the meaning of “obligatory.” I didnt know if it meant necessary or unnecessary! I tink I was confusing it with “Gratuitous.” meaning something you dont HAVE to do, but it would be REALLY NICE if you DID do it, but not technically MANDATORY. well, turns out it IS mandatory. good thing I changed my answer to that.

there was a section with 11 sentences. you had to determine the order the sentences should go in. that was pretty tough.

stuff with putting numbers and words in order, all of them deliberately tricky, like 77.177 vs 71.117 etc.

checking the copy vs the original and saying are there 0,1,2,3 or 4 errors here.

http://www.saving.org/inflation/inflation.php?amount=1,000,000&year=1970

heh. try this inflation calculator. see how much 34000 is in 1970 dollars.

that took almost the full 2 hours. maybe 1 hour and 45 minutes. i figure 3 or 4 people out of 40 will get an interview. then one lucky prick gets the sweet 34k a year entry level job. that or they are just going through the motions and already know whose cousin or daughter is going to get the job hahahaha.

i was one of the last people to finish. hope they werent counting that against us. I am a really slow test taker. this is bad because slow is bad hahaha.

then I went and smoked a cig and waited for the next test to begin in like 30 minutes.

this was for a part time clerk job that pays 13 dollars an hour.

there was about 25 people taking this test. not that many people were taking both tests. there was a neet looking man taking the test for the 13 DAH PT job. he was wearing a SUIT and had a ponytail long hair and goatee. looked like a real help desk type. top speed video card in his gaming machine. must have forgot his fedora at home. prob has a darwin or FSM sticker on his foriegn car hahahaha

anyway he finished way before me. 90% of people finished before me. this test seemed even more ridiculous, especially considering what it was for. i think some people say FOOK THIS, ARE YOU KIDDING ME and just got up and left. why am I wasting 2 hours of a beautiful saturday, to try to get in the top 10% of this stupid ridiculous test, so I can have an interview, and have 70% chance of not getting, a 13 dollar an hour part job for prob no more than 25 hours a week?

there was like one sort of cute somewhat younger girl, maybe about 25. I should have Asked Her Out hahahaha but nobody was that social in the test taking room. anyway she finished WAY before me.

its not like I was finishing early and then taking a long time to double check answers. there was no double checking.

this one was 100 questions, no written portion. it probably was more excruciating than the first test…..and for a much worse paying job.

shit like:

HH: 555555SSSSS555555SS5S5S5S5S5S555S5S5SSS555SSSS5555SS

II: 5S5S5S5S5S5S5S5S5SSSS5555SSS55SS55S5S555SSSSS55555SS5S5

JJ: SSS5S5S5S5S555S555SSS555SS5S5S5S5555SS5S555SSS555SS55S

KK: 5S5S5S5S5S5SSSS555SSS5555SS5S5SS55S5S5S5S555S5S55SSS5

which set has the least number of 5’s?

which set has the highest number of S’s?

which 2 sets have equal numbers of 5’s?

that was especially ridiculous and I think might have signalled the start of FOOK THIS SHIT walkouts.

and then there were another 4 or 5 sets of 3’s and 8’s hahahaha.

all on very shitty xerox.

also sets of 4 or 5 numbers where you had to determine how many of them WERE exactly the same.

93745740 vs 93747540

04058261 vs 04058261

59204852 vs 59204852

29375041 vs 29357041

and so on.

and then you have to say two rows are exactly the same.

and then like 5 questions like that and you are starting to get dyslexic. if you’re not already dyslexic, and lots of people ARE, then you will be.

but if you are even a little dyslexic, you will not pass this test. no 13 dollar an hour, 25 hour a week job for you, ya dyslexic loser!!!!

also took almost the full 2 hours on this one. there was about 2 or 3 out of 25 people still there when i left.

its just funny. 13 dollars an hour was 4.20 an hour in 1980.  did you have rooms of 25 people taking a ridiculous 100 question test, of which the 3 or 4 highest scores get an interview, and one lucky prick gets that cadillac job, did it work like that in 1980?

shit. now im hoping temp agency 2 calls me back with the 13 dollar an hour “data entry” job rather than forcing me to take the 17 dollar an hour Call Center job, hahahaha.  i’ll do it for 12 dollars hahaha.

trying to psych myself up to do social appearance at pub tonight, saturday night. it would be nice gesture for the guy’s birthday. but it gets so busy there on weekends, like really packed. and people might pressure me to do karaoke like everyone else. im not against doing karaoke but i cant decide a god damn song. i mean it helps if you do a song everybody knows. not fooking weird carnivore and type o negative songs hahaha.

but i am kinda curious if there will be any qt gurls there, there probably will be. and i have a morbid obsession that That Woman might be there, even though she never went to bars, which was part of why i liked her. But she has good chance of becoming more slutty and social now. prob going out to bars and going out wiht all her new friends.

but this is not a well known bar, i think i mentioned it to her once and she had never heard of it. but maybe she goes there. its not well known, its kind of in the middle of nowhere, but on weekend it gets PACKED with white rednecks, my type of people in other words.

heh. times like this i wish I could still drink. like get drunk on a saturday night once in a while. like normies do!

maybe if i didnt have to drive.

or if i lived in amsterdam or colorado and could just order a fat spliff instead of drinking hahaha.

do they do recreational MJ in washington state?

washington dc its allowable, you just cant SELL it. so you have to GIVE it to people. be like here’s your free bag of weed and your 50 dollar……candy bar. cup of coffee.

recreational marijuana use is fully legal in Alaska, Colorado, Oregon, Washington and the District of Columbia.

i mean it will probably happen in my state in the next 10 years.

i mean there is a less than 1% chance the woman will be at this bar. but chances are she is fooking new guys who want her to go out to new places. but even when she was fooking her short term n199er bf who she was in love with, she didnt want to go to parties and bars with him, which is prob part of why he cheated on her hahahaha.  well i didnt think cheating was even possible when nobody owns each other hahaha.

empco. that was the name of the company that did the second test today. can’t remember anything on the first test. i think it was a diff company from the looks of it.

WHY call in 20 to 40 people for one day only, print up dozens of test booklets, etc, when they could have done ALL this online? because that would have made the barrier to entry lower. the people who didnt WANT it as bad could have still conveniently taken the test.

but isnt it CHEAPER to do it online, i mean for the employer?

so why not do something thats cheaper?

you would be amazed that for harping about cutting costs and increasing productivity and efficiency, many companies do things that are BLATANTLY stupid and inefficient. because of politics, beauracracy, red tape, chains of command, approval. they might save money in the long run, but not in the short run. and the short run is the only thing that matters. thats what i know about business hahahaha.

i mean really i am having second thoughts about going out. i mean it is literally so packed and busy that you cant sit down, its loud and noisy, conversation is hard enough. if you like doing drinking and karaoke its one thing. i used to like doing those things. but………i mean i will see this guy later in the week, i can buy him a drink then!!!!

but theres a .0000001% chance SHE will be there!!!

ARE YOU FOOKING KIDDING ME????

that is the LAST reason I SHOULD go!

really i SHOULD go. just go for the guys birthday. it will be a fun change of pace. this is how people meet their wives. i mean SOME decent women go to this place. and some indecent women hahahaha. i might not mind that either.

shit. it might be different if i were going with a friend rather than showing up there. or going to a small house party. i like those.

i could probably get a medical MJ card by saying that because of the meds i take for my despair, a side effect of those is nausea, or muscle spasms. boom.

now do i need to give them medical history? sometimes yes, the less shady the MJ 420 dr is.

i mean it COULD be on the ballot THIS november if enough signatures are collected by…june 1.

need to get 60000 more legit signatures out of 250000 in the next….37 days. they are taking donations and using “professional signature getters” they are paying. and of course also taking volunteers. I should volunteer hahaha.

well i was also thinking of going to the training for this call center job, because the training is valuable. there is no free training materials available on the internet. you gotta pay 1000 bucks to take a call center training class. I have a call center textbook now so that is kewl, but there needs to be more books like that, and websites for the poor shmucks answering the phones and trying to solve problems AND figure out what to say. there is nothing for these people on the whole wide internet. i am tempted to go to the training and just be REALLY difficult.

like really GRILL the trainers. like who are YOU. i want to see you take a phone call right now. get some phones in this training room right now. then we go around all the new people and everyone gets their turn in the hot seat. but they have An Experienced Level 2 with them every step of the way. do this. do that. look this up. here’s what this means. say this. explain it this way. this is happening because of this. tell them this, because this. ok ok let me take over here. basically have 2 people on the call, and have everyone watch and learn as the experienced person held the hand / acted as training wheels for the newbie. We would see their screen and hear their call. after their call, they would breathe a sign of relief, and not have to go up again for 10 calls, and could watch the other newbs.

its like every call is being called up to do a problem on the board in front of the class. except you do that all day. with shittiest help and guidance.

and I would be difficult and asking fookloads of questions from the very first day of training: how do i search cases? can we do that training method I said above? why not? it’s fookin brilliant. hire me right now as a trainer.

they did not do that with my previous job. they had the classroom and then we looked at the systems. but the classroom was NOT SET UP TO TAKE PHONE CALLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

then we went out on the floor to Shadow people. but some of these people were good and some not so good. because there was no ongoing training after your first shitty training period. you just grew up like a feral child.

it would help a lot to have newbs take calls while being actively guided by several experienced trainers who could help them every step of the way. and train us with 1000 calls that way. hahaha. or at least 100.

but that would make too much SENSE.

whenever there is something that is written unclearly, IE every knowledge base article, shit that brings up more questions than it answers, i’ll say, well, this is unclear and misleading. who writes these. how can we update them. is there a talk page for this, or can we make edits, like wikipedia? who CHECKS this stuff? is this stuff proven to work? is this really a BEST practice? i want stuff that is approved by people who actually answer phones and do stuff, not level 3 phaggots who havent taken a call ever.

give us simple clear steps, not a 9000 page thing. give us a few sentences of plain english we can explain to the caller. we shouldnt need a manual for the manual when we are trying to figure stuff out FAST. reading confusing instructions for the first time and pretending like we are an expert.

Trainers? when was the last time you pretty boys took a CALL? give me a level 1 person who’s survived a year on PHONES and have THEM train us.

yeah i had a bad experience with the Last Call Center, and I didnt want to come here either, but 2 recruiters told me to give the training a chance, plus I didnt have to interview for a job that pays 17 bucks an hour, when for other 13 dollar an hour part time office clerk jobs which are WAY easier, I ahve to take a 2 hour test just to have a 2% chance at getting the job.  i really dont want to be here unless you convince me this is a good place that isnt managed like shit.

there needs to be COMMUNICATION between everybody. there cant be these big secrets where the smart people figure it out and find the hidden knowledge, while the Dumb Level 1’s flail and drown and blind leading the blind, throwing spaghetti at wall, throwing darts blindfolded. FOOK YOU I QUIT.

and if the 13 dollar an hour excel data entry job calls me back during the training, I’m leaving your 17 dollar an hour call center job.

but its 17 dollars an hour! thats more money than i have ever made, and more than I made with the last job.

more than SHE makes!!!!!!!!!!! I would LOVE to make more than SHE makes!!!!!!!!!

but I would also be ok with a less stressful job with no phones and less service, at 13 dollars an hour.

why is every fookin job a HELP DESK CALL CENTER JOB????

they pay all right, but why the fook cant I just get a boring routine data entry job for 13 bucks an hour? how come I dont get offers coming up to me saying they will hire me for that without an interview???!?!?!?!

yet I can get a 17 dollar an hour job without an interview????????!?!?!?!?!?!?

but its in the one thing that strikes insane fear and dread and panic into my heart???!?!?!?!?!?!?!

why is GOD PUNISHING me like this??!?!?!?!?!

just BLESS me with a easy, boring, low stress 13 dollar an hour job! 12 dollars! you can keep you 17 dollars!

yeah not going out. they go out too LATE anyway. i dont want to be leaving the house at 9 pm or later!!!!!