THE 40 YEAR OLD NEET

oct 8

so the left and hillary and cuckolds are so disgusted by what trump said about “WOMEN”, as if he is endorsing Raep, telling men to go out and grab and force themselves on women, msnbc literally called him a “SEX CRIMINAL”, wen the point is, there are women, many women in the world for which this talk is accurate. sluts that give it up easy and allow themselves to be treated like meat, and on some level they enjoy it. short term gurls. sluts. not the type of gurls you bring home, not the type of gurls you invest in or marry or make the mother of your children. funtime gurls. these are the type of women trump is talking about, not ALL WOMEN. there are basically TWO types of women, hahahaha. the madonna and the whore hahahahahahaha.

well this is WRONG, we have to accept that all women have BOTH the madonna and the whore combined. that the same woman who likes being Grabbed By The Pvssy by Rich Powerful Men (or pushy negroes) is the SAME woman you need to have your children.

come on. do you REALLY think trump raised his DAUGHTER to be one of THOSE gurls??? does he want his daughters to be grabbed by the pvssy? no! he didnt raise those kind of daughters. and look at his children, all his damn children, they are wholesome as fook, well except his daughter married a joo. that might be a little better than being a disgraceful whore though. i mean she can always divorce the joo, or renounce jooishness. you cant renounce 40 cox you took in your whore past.

best song ever hahahahaha.

it hit me in feb 2015 during a very low and stressful point. my confidence was about as low as it is now, but my stress level was much higher as i was working terrible job. confidence was low because essentially muh rel with the woman Had Ended. She was DONE but i didnt realize it yet, i kept trying to hang out with her. talk to her. not realizing how DONE she was. not wanting her to be done. obviously. so at the end of long horrible days i would get blazed and listen to THIS SONG repeatedly and it actually calmed me down.  it was a truly positive memory. smokin spliffs and listening to this song. i remember that ritual fondly, even as it occurred in the middle of a pretty bad time.

i guess that is how much i enjoy degen negro MJ hahaha.

now i am glad to be rid of all that damn stress, but my confidence is just as low, or lower, because it sucks to be thrown away like that, and it takes a long time to bounce back, and, just as important, is it REALLY wrecks the confidence to be a jobless bum loser who cant get a job and cant keep a job and is thrown away by a woman he loves who makes more money than him and now hes struggling like hell to get a damn job that makes way less than she does.  in the long run the long term joblessness is probably affecting muh confidence MORE than the shit with HER.

cuz it means i can be a basic normie and work like everyone else. everyone gets dumped and heartbroken….but everyone else also carries on and works like a normie.

its a sad thing when a woman crosses over from being a good woman to a bad woman. the two types of women. to see a woman Spoil like that, its very sad, right up there with Losing A Child, losing a family member, being abandoned, losing your Livelihood.

fasting today because i somehow overate two days this week. damn. cut muh weigh ins to once a week, saturday afternoon, and today saw that i was EXACTLY THE SAME as last week. damn. prob cuz i had two cheat days in one week. and lemme tell ya folks, the cheat days dont feel like cheat days. its a damn struggle just to meet the goal.

stupid nyquil. i mean you just feel tired and low energy and kinda despairing and negative the next day, thats what i really dont like about it. wish i could just do MJ instead!

this was another big album for me when i was 17 or so, and by far MDB’s greatest album. the one two punch of “the crown of sympathy” and “turn loose the swans” near the END of the damn album is just brilliant and awesome. MDB would never even come close, which is kinda sad. 23 minutes of spine tingling musical perfection hehehehe and they  have been around longer than 23 YEARS hehehehe. more like 30 years. scary.

mixtape 2016 hahahaha

good thing i dont have a bitch to share this magical music with and take away my ability to enjoy it hehehehehahahaha.

ok “the cry of mankind” on their next album “the angel and the dark river” does come kinda close.

and then thats it folks, thats all the my dying bride you really need, sad to say.

good fathers dont raise gurls to become the TYPE of woman you just grab by the pvssy.

no NOT every woman has a little bit of this in her. but too many women do because they have been poisoned by our sick, degenerate, JOOISH culture which has been rammed down our throats since the SIXTIES.

for TWO OR THREE FULL GENERATIONS NOW. people MOTHERS and GRANDMOTHERS were degen sluts.

transilvanian hunger at .5 speed on youtube hahahahahaha. now they do pitch shift it so that sounds pretty weird.

dont marry some slut that likes it when men grab her by the pvssy like a slut.

there are two kinds of women in the world. those that would make good wives and mothers, and those that dont. which kind do you think trump was talking about. what kind of woman do you want to marry. what kind of woman do you want to raise your daughter to be. 

i cant put it any more plainly than that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i dont use question marks because these really arent questions.

funny. i remember a time BEFORE  i was in luv with her, and i thought clearly: you know, we get along great, and shes a great person, i really SHOULD be interested in her, but Im NOT. she would make a great wife and mother. maybe I should just FORCE myself to try to date her and see what happens. or make a PACT that if shes not married by 30, we can get married and have children, i mean I could do a LOT LOT LOTTTTTTTTTT worse, so WHAT if i dont feel a SPARK and im not in LUV with her.

and maybe I did “force” myself a little bit…….but when i did, it started an AVALANCHE, and the REAL TRUE LUV this avalanche unleashed was REAL AF and has taken 15 months to get over.

lesson: when i was being COMPLETELY LOGICAL about it, I logically saw that she was a good Mate for me and good wife and mother material. But I whined that I didnt have Special feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelings for her. So I tried to FORCE myself to have special feeeeeeelings for her…………..AND IT WORKED “BETTER” THAN I EVER EXPECTED.

what exactly did i do that was so effective? i dont even know. I just THOUGHT about it. really thought about what it would be like to make out with or fook her, rather than just say ew weird and STOP thinking about it. thinking about what it would be like to cuddle with her, which certainly was never as “weird.” thinking about some other guy fooking her helped a lot too hahahahahahaha. if he could, why couldnt i, hahahahahaha.

honestly this si not so complicated. when she was with her long term BF, i respected their relship and there was NO QUESTION to me that she was OFF LIMITS. when THAT ended, she was no longer off limits. and her getting into a short term, degenerate dating did nothing to change that. I will respect a 5 year rel, i wont respect a few months of “dating.” besides, that ended TOO.

trump wasnt talking about WOMEN you dumb cvnts, he was talking about SOME women, a certain KIND of woman, the kind you DONT want to marry or have kids with. the kind you have Netflix Chill Tinder FUN with.

all these women getting mad are the SAME women who have been Grabbed By The Pvssy by Strong Men……and they ENJOYED it. although they might have felt shame and regret later when the strong man dumped them.

marry women and raise daughters who DONT enjoy being grabbed by the pvssy. marry wives and raise women that would kick that man in the Ballz and then who would tell her husband or father, who would then knock that guy out with a solid punch to the face. the end.

or i guess the woman could do that too, or taze or pepper spray the guy.

like james bond says, i am a gentleman, but i’m not always a gentle man.

not sure if that was james bond. but it could have been.

now james bond was a degen who grabbed more than few women right in the pvssy, including nonwhite women. they guy was a damn near sex addict muh dick negro!

anyway did pretty much a 24 hour fast, then ate a huge dinner that i wanted to make special, got a order of Curry Noodle from thai place for the first time in at least 9 months. it was great. i ate the whole thing hahahahaha so that was probably more than my daily limit of 1200 calories, hahahaha.

well i measured it out and it was like 4 cups worth of rice noodles, ridic curry sauce, and chicken. turns out rice noodles do not have as many calories as i expected. less than 200 per cup.

i suppose there could be coconut milk in that curry sauce, and that stuff is pretty caloried.

if trump needs vouching for this women remark, and he SHOULDNT, i think his daughters could do a pretty good job of that.  i mean all his children are huge winners and they all really need to be playing an even larger role. and i think they would all vouch he was a good father.

i dont even know why im thinking about it. well all these republicucks saying they are gonna write in pence instead of vote trump. never thought of throwing your vote away on a write in candidate. but is that a REAL risk with regular voters? i just dont know.

i mean at the very least we need to split the country into 2 countries, right and left, and then maybe the right country could further break up into Ethnostates, and the left side would become a big brown muddy shithole like venezuela or something. all the white leftists and mudsharks who wanted diversity and nonwhite dick would be welcome to go there.

oct 9

maybe we are reaching a time of such peak degeneracy that men simply dont CARE anymore that their GF has been with 30 guys. like yeah shes a slut and been with 30 guys but im a manwhore and ive been with 50 gurls, were all sluts nao, who cares, its just animals fooking, if it does work out big deal, ill find another slut, i mean long term rels are stupid and doomed anyway, ill just keep fooking sluts till i die, and its not like ill ever fall in luv, all these sluts are basically the same, you get bored of them after a few months tops. why would i want to get MARRIED to one of these sluts. and have children? thats too much responsibility, then i cant bang sluts, get drunk, plus it costs too much money, i dont have that kind of money.

yeah this plaguewielder album is better than i remember it! indeed does have a great ride cymbal sound! and yeah i like it when darkthrone tries to sound at least somewhat like a BLACK metal band, whereas lately they are more about being a “pan-old-skool-heavy-metal band” which is theoretically ok…….but i just want more BLACK metal in there: more black metal vocals from culto, more “blasting” (ie not super fast, TH style “blasts) from fenriz, and the more typical “black metal” riffs to go along with that.

i dunno the riffs sound familiar because i heard them 14 years ago or so……but now they sound better. really kinda weird.

on transilvanian hunger he does that same beat for the first 24 minutes of the 40 minute album hahahahaha.

its weird that reddit is so permissive for men to watch porn, like yeah its normal for all men even married men to watch pron reguarly. no big deal.

heh. apparently some people use the phrase “hooking up” and they DONT mean Secs. They just mean “MAKING OUT.” well just SAY Making out becuase i automatically assume its Secs. youre painting a negative picture of yourself. so when somewhat says hooking up, ask them what that means.

also what about women who Blow guys but dont Fook them? thats almost as bad in my book. do you want a gurl who has Sucked Off 40 guys? also, if a gurl will blow you, shell fook you. i mean a damn dirty dick in your mouth, thats a pretty whorish thing to do. good gurls dont suck dick before fooking the guy, and they dont fook the guy until they have established a monogamous official rel.

so a woman that jumps to suck your dick the same day as meeting you, holy shit. really signalling what type of woman she is then. thank her for it hahahaha.

i mean its really hard, and probably IMPOSSIBLE, to simply LIKE a woman like that.

so its heartbreaking when a woman you LIKE turns out to BE like that, and i really wish she werent. but she is.

and also you have 10 times the difficulty getting and keeping a job, and everybody makes more money than you, including women, and you cant deal with life at age 30 hahahaha.

even the 40 year old virgin was not a neet. there should be a movie called the 40 year old neet. maybe he would be a virgin too. or better, he had secs with one woman once when he was 20, and that was it.

ok trying to start a table of poker to get my mind off and its sunday and i dont want to job search hehehe.

ideally i would like to do MJ but….i gotta find a better way to Self Soothe.

and yes MJ is degen…..but so is sitting around in neet despair!!!!!!!!!!!!

and mj alleviates the neet despair and ALSO makes it easier to survive nonneet working life.

shit makes it easier to survive neet life too!

i mean really. during my darkest times, smokin MJ was literally a light in the darkness. a ray of sunshine. i still remember those times fondly, even though they were surrounded by even darker times. i get a ridiculous amount of fun and enjoyment and happiness from MJ that I just cant get elsewhere in Life, except by being with a Beloved Waifu. and I just dont see there ever BEING one of those again. ipso fatso, better get back on the weed train.

i mean i was

https://forum.grasscity.com/threads/medical-marijuana-card-and-background-checks.820024/

i could just get a job in a restaurant because everyone who works in a restaurant smokes MJ!!!!!!

hehehehe.

how about this. give the sleazy waitress at this semi sleazy bar “restaurant” i go to a big tip and ask her where i can get some MJ. i guarantee she smokes MJ and probably does other stuff. supposedly the rule is front of house does coke and alcohol, back of house does MJ.

holy shit lisa link this is life doing an hour on The Pickup Artist Community

now she is talking to a 45 year old virgin who feels there is something deeply wrong with him and he just wants a normal loving relship and to be normal and confident and have a GF and eventually a wife and not be a damn weak weirdo virgin.

the show gets at the idea that this is not about secs, its about something deeper:

Pick Up is not about secs, its about finding a damn WIFE or a GF, from guys who are so unconfident and social failures than they cant even get SLUTS to have Secs with them. And its clear they dont really care about the secs as much as just having a damn long term rel with a woman. But They Can’t, because they cant even talk to a woman, they cant even date the EASIEST woman.

Its misleading that the pick up leaders talk about sluts and secs so much, but the lame weak virgin omegas who are the Customers, they want smething much less DEGENERATE: they just want an actual REL with a woman, they dont CARE about secs with sluts.

but apparently you need to practice your social skill on sluts before you can have good enough social skills to get a nonslut???!?!?!

i dont know, i’m close to the level of these pathetic customers myself! the only difference is that i DID have secs with an easy slut, i apparently had the social skills at age 21 to do that.

but never again! and really that was just a combination of me looking healthy and young, and being DRUNK!!!!

now i look about 20 years older and i dont drink any more.

interesting to see this is still around in 2016, but i guess im not suprised, there will always be desperate unconfident me.

telling that they have the men do confidence-building exercises, like walking on coals shouting “i like myself! i like myself!” hahahahahahahahahahaha. this truly does strike the root of the whole thing, that these men totally lack confidence, and thats the ROOT CAUSE of WHY they cant get women.

once i learned that simple lesson, i lost interest in pick up and got to the real deep political and racial and moral shit hehehehe.

but i STILL have no confidence and STILL cant pull women and would STILL benefit from pick up artist techniques!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

which is simply be masculine and be confident and you will get women. these arent really “techniques.” its a very natural way of being that its unnatural to not have those natural habits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

who CARES if its “canned” if the women are responding to it and fooking the guys? the women dont really CARE!!!!! why should YOU?????

and women cant understand this because NO woman has EVER been THIS desperate and lonely. they can’t believe that another human being can get this bad. but men can! it so clearly points out the simple profound truth: WOMEN ARE THE SUPPLY, MEN ARE THE DEMAND, and woman just cannot accept that! well because it shows women in a position of strength and power and privilege, rather than a helpless victim.

what brings these guys here? BECAUSE THEY HAVENT DATED A WOMAN FOR THEIR ENTIRE ADULT LIFE!!!! 10, 20 YEARS OF LONELINESS!!!!!

one guy is handsome but a sweet niceguy virgin.

one guy was married but the divorce crushed all his confidence.

but all these men are lonely and want a real rel with a woman. theyre not antisex either, but they cant even get sex, cuz they are not confident or aggressive enough.

the pua vince something has some good lessons but he dresses in a ridiculous peacock style that undermines his credibility. why not just dress like a Rich Preppy. Brooks Brothers or something. none of this pink mohawk peacock shit.

also you will probably pull better wife tier women with the preppy A E S T H E T I C  anyway.

so yeah thats great advice for all neet virgins out there: dress like total Chad The Superrich Preppy. Look like a white man in a brooks brothers catalog.

so just build confidence in the men.

but WHAT BUILDS CONFIDENCE IN MEN?

BEING SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

you can get some confidence WITHOUT women by being succesful in your JOB/CAREER (i and most neets are a total failure at this).

really the ONLY other option you can build confidence is by LIFTING.

these men are here because they are 29 years old and never had a GF and they are like holy shit this cant go on.

and sometimes much older than 29!!!!!!!

like we say, its not too weird if a guy is 21 and a virgin, even 23, maybe 25 at the latest. but after 25 it DOES start getting weird.

thankfully i stopped being a V at age 21, but I was more than weird enough, because i never really dated a woman by age 25, 30, etc. thats just as weird.

the show points out rightfully that men are becoming less masculine, more shy, etc.

this is very true, but WOMEN are also becoming more disgusting and degenerate and responding only to negro strongmen type masculinity. toxic masculinity hahahahahahahahahahaha.

women who have been with 40 guys and who have spent 10 years in relships just cant even relate to guys who have only been with 0-1 gurls and spent 0 months in relships. and vice versa.

of course i dont think these guys should be going to clubs either because these are full of nothing but degenerate gurls. i guess 1% of these gurls might be good women dragged along by their degen slut friends. well, with friends like that, it was inevitable theyd become sluts anyway.

besides banging 25 year old sluts would be good for their confidence, better than banging 35 year old sluts.

but yeah  i will give the tv show a littl crrrredit for realizing that its all about CONFIDENCE. because it really is.

i mean shit i wish i could buy confidence because its the most valuable thing a man can have.

well you can buy nice clothes and that does help.

well at least those guys, even the 45 year old virgin, had decent jobs. and a decent job didnt give them enough confidence to pull dirty negro fookin cvm bucket skanks!!!!!!!!!!! a good job didnt give them enough confidence to pull the cheapest, easiest, worst women!

also i think there is something to the “wolf pack” concept where average “beta” men can boost their confidence and “social capital” by going out in groups and giving them strength in numbers, that they might be able to Pull Easier than if they were completely alone.

so omega white men need to form GANGS instead of playing vidya in their basements hahahahaha.

just get some MJ and then invite Stoner Sluts to smoke MJ and then blow and then bang you. easy hahahahaha.

another great idea i had is that to find the more quality women on dating sites, you have to PAY for it. of course your competition i guess would get fiercer then, cuz its guys serious enough to PAY. also….if the women dont pay, wouldnt it be the same mudshark sluts you find on tinder or okcupid? but women shouldnt have to pay to be on a dating site! women are the supply, men are the demand!

well really women shouldnt be on ANY dating sites EVER for that very reason!!!!!!

so yeah i dont think i can really reach a conclusion here. either you will look better because the women wont be as bombarded with low quality men, so you’ll look better……..

or there will be a higher percentage of high quality men and you will look WORSE!!!!

so if you want to look better BY COMPARISON, then its best to go to free dating where there is a TON of shit so you can look good next to them! and the quality of women on ANY site, regardless of whether the MEN pay, is gonna be about the same!

so the REAL question is, are the WOMEN willing to pay to have access to the Higher Quality Men? and then you will pay to get into THAT pool.

because the goal is a high quality woman, not a low quality woman.

find a place that is is both a bar and a restaurant. then wait outside for the druggie degen workers to come outside for cig break. then ask them if they know where to get any MJ. give them 10 or 20 dollars for the info.

make sure the place is kind of sleazy and has some clientele who come there to get WASTED on cheap drinks. working class white people getting HAMMERED on 2 dollar big beers. and then they can order some burgers and fries to soak up all that beer and get food in the stomach to soak up MOAR BEER. then they stagger out, smoke some MJ, and fall right on their face and pass out and go to their Manual Labor Working Class Job the next day. that kind of place hahahahaha.

avoiding messages from their fat mudshark GF who eventually dumps them for a black guy, until they find another fat white trash mudshark, rinse and repeat hahahahaha.

what a life!

heh. i bet it DOES ruin a rel when the woman starts making more money than the man. never had that happen to me cuz i was never in a rel hahahaha but all the women i liked eventually went on to make more than me, and now, EVERYBODY makes more than me, and if i get a 12 dollar an hour job, most people will STILL make more than me, including women.

now im not talking about a situation where the woman has a medical degree and the man has a GED. then of COURSE she is gonna make more money than him. I ‘m talking about they ahve about the same level of education or the woman has LESS, and at the time they start their rel, they are making about the same, but over time, she just manages to fare better in her working life and get better paying jobs than her slightly-more-educated man.

like what happened with me and her hahahahahahahahaha.

sometimes i feel like my i dont want to say “hateful” but just disrespectful, contemptuous, chilly, cold attitude towards women, well if i feel this cold towards women, then what the hell does it matter if i look at porn? women are all dirty whores anyway!!!!!!!! i might as well use it to help me Jerk Off because I sure can’t think of anything real life to jerk off to!

so this is a slippery slope. WHAT DOES IT MATTER, WOMEN ARE ALL WHORES ANYWAY, and porn is a realistic representation of that!

well, WRONG, because even though normie women are huge whores, they are only HALF as bad as the whores in porno.

and its just harmful to the soul to watch porn and puts you in a degen mindset that is not good.

shit its better to just hate women and think all women are whores, than to WATCH whores being whores. i think i would just hate women even MORE and thats not good.

darkthrone. tried listening to “arctic thunder” again today. came out thinking welp the first song “tundra leech” is obviously the best, and i would be better served taking this reawakened interest in darkthrone and apply it to “mid era” albums: total death thru sardonic wrath. particularly, ravishing grimness thru hate them. 1999 to 2003, hahahaha. back when culto still tried to sound like a black metal singer and they still wanted to sound like a black metal band rather than a Heavy Metal band.

AND ITS NOT LIKE THEY DIDNT USE FOOKLOADS OF CELTIC FROST STYLE RIFFS THIS WHOLE TIME ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they never ever really got away from that except on fookin “transilvanian hunger!”

so just have those celtic frost riffs with sick black metal vocals, and the occasional “second wave black metal” (ie transilvanian hunger) riff!!!! and that pretty much sums up the albums of this 99 – 03 period!!!! or even on panzerfaust, the two styles are separated out into separate songs. not sure they have to be THAT autistic, but im also not complaining about one of muh all time favorite albums!

and yeah it is disappointing when one of your all time fav bands stops being so damn good!

REALLY transilvanian hunger is NOT a good representation of darkthrones style. overall. and i wish it were!

also, why couldnt ALL the songs on their new album be as good as that first one?

and why couldnt culto occasionally do an old style vocal once in a while? not that what he does on the album is BAD…..but his older style was BETTER.

i dunno. i just dunno. i am waiting to read more reviews of this new album, but i think people are holding back until the official release date.

listening to other sorta recent albums culto has done with sarke and “gift of gods” and again he is doing this kind of groaning vocal and not his vicious Black Metal vocal. unfortunate!. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

 

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14 WORDS, 14 DOLLARS AN HOUR

aug 25

ok when i get muh 15 emails every morning with job stuff, i should SET THE TIMER and go through those in 30 minute chunks and then basically log and keep track of that time. because it does take valuable time is money. and i should measure that timemoney for muh job search metrics hahahaha. spreadsheetz.

so, start the timer, go in 30 maybe 40 minute increments, and keep track of that time! dont just look at the list of emails and groan and go through them without keeping track of your VALUABLE 14 DOLLAR AN HOUR TIME! USE THE CASH CLOCK!!!!!

http://www.online-stopwatch.com/cash-clock/

SET IT TO 14 DOLLARS AN HOUR!!!!!

14 WORDS, 14 DOLLARS AN HOUR!!!!!

heh. note to self and others: if you think you can make “bulletproof coffee” with cold or cool coffee, think again hahahaha. i thought i could somehow “whip” muh spreadable butter into the coffee if i stirred it vigorously enough. now there are just many disgusting little blobs of butter in the coffee hahahaha.

maybe a blender would work better?

dsw shoe place sucked, my next place is jcpenney. jcp does not have Crocs tho hahahaha. they do have nike and adidas and new balance running shoes tho.

ok the cool coffee with blobs of butter was so gross that i had to microwave it hehehehe.

i used to go to kohls as muh main one stop department store but i might become a jcpenneys man hahahaha. i have been dissatisfied with kohls for a few years. plus mr kohl himself is a LITERAL JOO. plus their sonoma store brand, the pants never fit well, even though just looking at them they look good.

what about MACYS. what about BURLINGTON hahahaha. i dont really luv shopping but i dont really luv looking like a neet virgin either!

but since i am always losing or gaining weight, all my clothes are either too big or too small.

yeah that gris 2007 album IEUF is more up my alley than their 2013 album. production wise at least. it is more black metal. im not crapping on the 2012 album, i just want soething more black metally right now.

singer sounds really good still, guitars are more black metally, drums sound good. 2013 album, no real problem with, but I am SUCH an AUTISTE about production that if the production isnt PERFECT, I cant even listen to it. so the 2007 album is more perfect sounding to my autist ears than the 2013 album. which isnt bad and could certainly be a grower. i cant crap on gris, they have an obviously great style.

yesterday i thought that infamous blackgaze phaggot NEIGE sort of looks like That Woman. ok i just watched a video of him and….not really. he does have really nice long hair like she did though hahaha. and a big nose like she does. he sorta looks like nick cage tho. did SHE look like nick cage? that might be enough to turn me off of her hahahaha. Nick cage is weirdly handsome but i dont want a woman who looks like nick cage.  or neige.

i remember listening to “ecailles de lune” when it first came out (2010???) and i was like wow this is pretty neat, very atmospheric. back then “blackgaze” was not even a word. and i was impressed with neiges screaming voice. it was a decent straight up “depressive shrieking” which is a lot like what gris does.

now neige was never really “depressive.” at all. but its probably not a stretch to say maybe some of his stuff was more “melancholy.”

heh being with that woman brought me to that magical nostalgic peaceful fantasy world alcest is always going on about.

if im reading this correctly, its that neige never even listened to shoegaze until people kept telling him his music sounded pretty shoegazey, then he discovered slowdive and went all in with his shelter album. so, in other words, like one reviewer says, neige invented blackgaze “by accident.”

i noticed that when i heated up the disgusting butter blob coffee in the microwave, the butter melted and STAYED MELTED even as the mixture cooled off to around room temperature. i thought it might turn back to blobs. nope.

ok now what if you melted the butter in the microwave, then poured it into cool coffee? room temp coffee?  my goal is to have it NOT turn into blobs!

ok made the phone call to the auto service before the end of the day like i was wanting to. i still hate making phone calls! there is a recall due to air bags. i can get it repaired fo free but have been putting it off. normies have to take an unpaid day off work and risk getting FIRED whenever they need to get their car fixed hehehe. i can do this anytime, because i am a jobless neet, but i was afraid to make the call. well today i called them finally. it was either that or go to jcpenney.

looks like my nemesis KOHLS has crocs. why am i so fascinated by crocs. they are ridiculous. are you supposed to wear socks with them? because i would use them as sandals and NOT wear socks with them.

ok there is a crocs STORE near my house, in the newer mall that i refuse to go to because all the kewl young gurls go there. hehehe. all the more reason to go there. follow 18 year old hawtties around like a 35 year old creeper hahahahahahahahahahaha jk.

be like wanna come back to my huge molester van and smoke MJ and listen to GRIS hahhahahaha. maybe gris AND trist. is that supposed to rhyme.

no i dont have a huge molester van!

also i dont have any MJ. and i damn sure wouldnt have the balls to ask 18 year old gurls to come to muh van and smoke MJ with me hahahahahahaha.

women: dont be such disgusting, degenerate nihilists! or is it nihilistic degenerates.

like stories of the bride to be on a bachelorette party getting drunk and they run into a bachelor party and then the bride to be fooks some badboi right before she is supposed to be getting married. and the expectation is that the husband fooks skanks on his bachelor party.

YOU DONT OWN ME! i can do what i want with my body! dont be so possessive and controlling and clingy! of course i can fook other people when i am getting married the next day! marriage doesnt mean monogamy! monogamy is misogyny! monogamy is HATE!

heh whenever you meet a married couple, ask them if they have an open marriage.  the proper reaction is to react with lip curling disgust. NO, we’re not DEGENERATE. then you say, good, i was testing you to see if you are degenerate. you passed. good for you. i dont associate with open marriage degenerates. we live in such a degenerate, nihilistic era, that some people think that cheating on your husband or wife is just fine. just making sure you’re not like that.  just making sure youre not such a shitty goddamn cheater that both of you have rationalized that cheating is ok. fook that shit.

when i was out in the world working muh horrible job, i was amazed at how many normal people were DISGUSTING CHEATERS. people who seemed normal and nice were cheating on their husbands and wives. and it seemed MORE prevalent with the OLDER people, like by the time you get to 30, cheating is just a normal thing you do as your first marriage falls apart. super black pill. aso. brack pirru.

german tech company has not responded to my email saying yes you can call me to do the phone screening at these times. they contacted me first! then i responded back promptly. and now nothing.

aug 26

had semi weird dream that provided interesting food for thought. sheeeeeeeit at least 8-9 years ago my male friend had a gf and they were quite serious, have been in a traditional monogamous nondegen ltr for liek 4 years at least. i hung out with muh friend a lot, she hung out with him a lot, so i saw a lot of her, which can often be a problem in male male franships, except that i got along with her really well, and i was not really the third wheel. we would all have fun smokin MJ and watching movies and eating food and having dranks or whatever.

anyway my friend and the woman broke up. i was still very friendly with her and even hung out with her a little bit, which i was well away at the time was potentially controversial. yes it would be, i thought, if i had any designs on her! but she’s just a nice person, we get along well, and i dont have any other female friends. its not like im trying to GET with her. that would be just weird. and also potentially traitorous to my friend. i dont want to do that.

“on the job training provided for the RIGHT candidate” ???!?!?!?!?!!

OH THANK YOU SO MUCH.

not even taking into account that “on the job training” is ABSOLUTELY JOOISH BULLSHIT, but now its just being dangled as the reward for GOOD performers only. otherwise you get punished by being fired, or no OJT at all.

and of course the main reason OJT is BULLSHIT is because ITS NOT TRAINING AT ALL.

its you look like an untrained idiot in front of customers, then bother another busy person to show you how to do your job, and their customers and your customers wait impatiently and get bitchy, and you look bad, and your coworker resents you, and the company looks bad. lose lose lose lose lose situation.

anyway. re the 2008 or so woman. yeah she pretty much was a female friend. i got along with her well, she was very nice to me, and she was qt. sound familiar?

one day something Snapped, and i was like WOW she is a TOTAL qt, i would really like to bang her. but thats weird because that is one of muh best friends ex gfs. i respect him enough to never do something like that. but damn she is a real qt for sure……

and this was after she had started dating a new guy. probably a little too soon for my liking after the end of her rel with my friend.

sound familiar?

so, after they break up and are single for 2 months, thats when my feelings start to change, and then when they start dating a new guy, my feelings are unequivocally changed. like maybe hmm. so you were looking for a new man but didnt even consider me.

now, with that 2008 woman, i didnt have a deep luving infatuation or crush on her like with w2015. i just wanted to bang her. but i liked her as a friend. and the emotions were conflicting and confusing. also, we hung out much less as she dated the new guy. also the new guy seemed like a decent enough guy, i think they might have gotten married or at least stayed together for years.

so, w2015 was like the next level of that: we were even closer friends, i was more in luv with her, the whole thing went on for longer. also there was never the issue that i might be betraying a friend of mine, because she was never dating a friend of mine. i became friends with her directly.

but yeah in the dream there was that woman from 2008 and i guess i was trying to secs her up, touching her and trying to take her clothes off.

so yeah the main takeaway is that i probably had some kind of feelings for her, and was an indicator that i was capable of getting feelings for a female friend who i thought was just friends. or at the very least I could discover that there was signif Secsual Attraction there that I wasn’t initially aware of. and its weird. because you think ive known this person for months or years and its only NOW I’m “discovering” this physical attraction for them? when men including me can usually tell within seconds whether or not a gurl is attractive?

I think i always knew these women were attractive, but there were other mitigating circumstances where I knew that being actively attracted to them was morally wrong (gf of my friend, and or she has a bf) or inconvenient (shes just a friend, besides i am hung up on other women)

anyway i never had a big blowout with the 2008 woman, i was never deeply in luv with her, we just sorta drifted apart as she got more serious with her new bf. but there was no hard feelings and no hate or bitterness or coldness or butthurt whatsoever, and i remember her fondly and wish the best for her.

and my male friend found another seemingly decent woman and got married to her and they had a baby and i hope they have more. all white of coursh hahahaah. they have been together for like 7 or 8 years and she seems decent, i dont think she’ll ruin the marriage hahahaha. i dont really know her tho.

i was reading a blut aus nord review yesterday and the guy was like memoria vetusta II is a special album, i listened to it after muh GF gave birth to her child.

implying that the child was not his.

implying that this skank got knocked up by some loser who ran off immed after getting her pregnant.

implying that she started dating this black metal loving sap WHILE she was pregnant with the other guys child

DONT DATE ANYONE WHILE YOU ARE PREGNANT WITH ANOTHER GUYS CHILD! JUST STAY AWAY FROM MEN!!!!! DONT EVEN DATE EMO OMEGA NICEGUYS!!!!!

then the reviewer was like, i was devastated when she left me and i couldnt listen to this album for a long time.

and i thought, WOW, this guy is super pathetic cringe.

first, falling in luv with a pregnant woman.

second, being dumped by her after she has the baby, and being so upset by it.

THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD GO I.

the woman should be glad any man can still love her after she had another man’s bastard.

yet she dumps him exactly because he is a sniveling, supplicating, weak, phaggy omega.

don’t be that guy.

i have never fallen in luv with a Single Mother or been dumped by a single mother, and I hope I NEVER do.

i guess i would bang a slutty single mother. but i still have a healthy disrespect for single mothers.

i mean theyll never tell you the truth. its always its all the guys fault. he was a total jerk and deadbeat. and acutally that may be the truth. but then…..why would you have a baby with him? because you are a white ingra who lives on instant gratification and cant think of the future. and i damn sure cant trust you.  you create life WILLY NILLY with men who would be terrible fathers! your judgment is even worse than the average womans! which is pretty goddamn bad as it is!

thats ROCK BOTTOM. when you are desperately in LUV with a single mother. I hope i NEVER get there.

especially a pregnant woman. she picks deadbeats who cant even stay around for 9 months. and why are they even putting themselves on the market when they are PREGNANT? and what kind of pathetic guy sees that and says yep thats acceptable? a rock bottom man even more desperate than I hahahahahahaha.

so he can go beat off with his own foreveralone virgin neet tears with his blut aus nord albums hahahahahaha.

no i have nothing against BaN and I would like to listen to them……if they didnt use a DAMN DRUM MACHINE.

USE REAL DAMN DRUMS. yet for 20 years and 20 albums the guy uses a blatant machine sounding drum machine. yet i can appreciate him as a good guitar player and probably good songwriter. so just play the drums YOURSELF, i will take a sloppy amateurish drum performance over a MACHINE ANY DAY. the most important thing is the drums sound good, and this guy is prob enough of a Studio Nerd to put in effort to get good sound. so just get a good sound and put in a completely amateur burzum drum performance. shit i LIKE the way varg plays drums. its NOT HARD to play in time. just fookin PRACTICE for a few hours. and the practice should be FUN, because DRUMS ARE FUN. inherently. fooking call ME up and i will do the drums even though i am the biggest amateur  and havent touched a drum set in like 8 years.

i am AUTISTIC about drums as you can see hahaha and I HATE drum machines in black metal. any kind of metal or rock. electronic drums are JUST FINE in electronic music. but elsewhere? never.

ok. had butter coffee plus a .25 scoop of protein this morning. as much as i hate to take in calories before 12 noon hahahaha.

heated up coffee in microwave so the butter actually melted hahahaha.

so now i am comparing and contrasting that woman with the woman from 2008. they were similar in that they were both very nice to me, we got along well, and they were willing to hang out with me, hahahaha.  when i first met w2015, i guess she sorta reminded me of w2008. they even looked a little alike. but as of right now, i found w2015 way qter. she had longer legs and longer hair and a bigger bottom and i liked all that very much. jeeeeeez. the less said the better. damn. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

but yeah in the dream i was very hot to bang the woman from 2008. and i think i got her pants off and got a glimpse of The Action, but then the dream faded out. of courshe.

anyway i hope she is married with children by now. she has to be about 30 years old by now. WOW.

and one day That Woman will be 30 too. about 4 years from now hahahaha.

sheeeeeit i wish i were 25 or 26 again and had a full 4 years to go before 30!

anyway. were these women REALLY all that similar? or did the fact that they were qt and nice to me and friends with me and we got along make me THINK they were similar.

well they had sort of similar faces. both had pale white skin. they both partook MJ and because of that seemed chill and Cool. the previous woman had a lame tattoo but it wasnt a dealbreaker.

but you develop a fondness and sense of closeness when you see a woman regularly for over a year and get along well.

oh yeah at the tech interview they (the actual tech supervisor) asked me if i understood the OSI model. I grimaced and said yeah I’d studied it in a networking class about 5 years ago but I honestly don’t remember a lot of specific. I know there are 6 to 8 layers, including the application layer and the network layer, but…..I’m sorry sir, I would have to refresh my memory on it, but I assure you I would do that very quickly. hahahahaha.

http://www.webopedia.com/quick_ref/OSI_Layers.asp

heh. yeah we covered it in muh networking class which kinda sucked. the teacher was a nice guy but he wasnt a great teacher. its HARD to be a great teacher with a topic like this. but you kinda need it because the shit is kinda obtuse. it does NOT come naturally.  it does NOT make much sense.

rejection email for 20 hour a week, 11 dollar an hour part time job at local college where i was kinda hoping to get the job and they seemed to like me. DAYUM. interview was 11 days ago.

it was a doable job, nothing glorious, but nothing that would make me ragequit, i could go there for 20 hours a week and at least HOLD DOWN SOME SORT OF JOB while looking for another job.

meanwhile that bitch works FT making 16 dollars an hour and doesnt ragequit and has already made 30k more than i have in the past year hahahahaha.

hehehehe i hate competing with women in career IN ADDITION TO essentially competing for their physical and emotional favor. now you have to make more money than them and have better career status than them too.

and it does make you feel like much less of a man when a woman whos much younger than you is doing a LOT better than you with career and making money. no WONDER she rejected you, ya damn neet loser! you cant work and make money like a real man!

sheeeeeeit that guy who i was playing phone tag with called me BACK! and i missed the call! i called him right back and got VM. sheeeeeit. so now i will call him back every 10 or 20 minutes until 5 pm hahahaha.

it is 325 right now.

i didnt expect him to call me back! after i called him back, left a voice mail, then called him again the next day. i just figured he’d call one of the other 500 applicants.

this fookin guy i used to work with fookin looked at my linkedin profile and stole some of my blurbs for HIS shit with the company!!!!!! white guy but fat as fook. he was obnoxious because of his fatness alone. he was REALLY fat. typical computer gamer who does nothign but sit at the gaming machine and eat fast food and drink soda. he had a GF but guess what, she was a fat pig too hahahahahahaha. she might have been cute if she lost at least 100 pounds too! she was young and didnt have a fat ugly face.

i only talked to him once and he was not as obnoxious as i thought he’d be hahahahaha. so i figure he’s just a decent white guy struggling, so i will let him copy and paste my paragraph hahahaha. not sure if he found a new job yet. he strikes me as not too much of a go getter. probably milked his unemployment as much as possible hahahaha. he went to a high school in a real white trash area of town, so its good he’s not a drug addicted, pill popping, tattooed eminem wannabe hahahahaha.

come to think of it, there were quite a few people from that white trash high school at this job. before working there, i had never really met anyone who went to that school.

my female former friend could have gone to a REALLY white trash high school but she somehow got school of choiced into a better high school? I think? I would have liked a chance to talk to her more about that. get to know her better hahahahaha. i hate fookin WOMEN hahahhhaha.

FINALLY. got ahold of the guy, got interview set up for tuesday 4 days from now. NOICE. number 18. unsuccessful interview number 18. got to get to 25 or so hahahaha.

entry level test technician for testing inspection and certification. testing parts. really hands on he says. did not ask about wage sheeeeeeeeeeeit.

hey dont get the hopes up hahahaha. this is ONLY the 18th interview. i got to get to at LEAST 25, 30, 40, or 50 remember hahahaha. im not lean and mean enough yet. havent paid muh dues yet.

but yeah i get SOME confidence boost from getting a new interview. and then can also get a conf boost if the interview goes ok. if the interview does NOT go ok, then i feel bad for a few days hahahaha.

of course, even if the interview goes ok and i feel good, i still know i wont get the job hahahaha.

also the place is really close too. and full time. probably at least 12 an hour hahaha.

its only 7 miles away. dayum. believe me that is huge.

today i kinda felt like going on okcupid and seeing what kinda bangable 25 year old sluts there are out there. i mean i dont want to go to a meth addicted hooker, so might as well go to a oxy addicted nihilistic skank who beleives their nihilism and hedonism is something like “i am a very LOVING person, i LOVE everybody.”

TO LOVE ALL EQUALLY IS TO LOVE NONE WELL

-t. i cant remember who, some vaguely alt right person of courshe hahaha.

ok gonna give this one a try now. i heard their first album years ago and remembered it was pretty good “atmoblack”, not all pvssy and blackgaze, yeah theyre hardcore pagans but they didnt seem like communists. also i found the fact that they were english to be interesting. maybe an anglo saxon sort of paganry hahahaha.

WOW the hr gurl who is 10 years younger than me, confirmed the phone interview finally, for monday. sheeeeit i thought she forgot about me too. well i have never had a phone interview to bomb hahahaha. i am not confident they will call me in for an in person interview.

and then i have an in person interview on tuesday.

i am not counting the phone interview as a real interview, ie, towards muh number.

so the one on tuesday (plane/car parts testing lab) is The 18th Interview. well 18 is an auspicious number in golf. maybe the 18th will be my lucky one hehehehe.

and today a guy i went to community college with 5 years ago sent me a request on linkedin. we were in an economics study group together for the one bitchy econ prof. i wonder how many econ instructors they have today. come on. like they couldnt just get some dime a dozen mba to adjunct instruct econ 101 and 102 for 15 bucks an hour hahahahaha.

oh sorry i guess they make more like 30 bucks an hour. well. hmmm. thats not bad then.

wodensthrone album was ok, good, listenable i guess hahaha. i listened to the first song, some of the second song. all long songs hahaha. and mainly listend to the fatherland.

 

LIKE A WHITE GORILLA

hahaha I still do writing, it is just in the comment boxes to RIDICULOUS academic studies. in an ideal world there would be NO funding for WORTHLESS BULLSHIT like this. this is what PHDs do. this is their LIVES.

I am definitely not a true networker, at least not at the moment. I have made attempts to increase my LinkedIn presence, but it is slow and labored. I prefer to build relationships at work “naturally” or “organically”, in other words, I wouldn’t think of “networking” with someone until I had already established a fairly strong and friendly working relationship with them, or essentially become “work friends” with them. I have never gone to a “networking event” to meet people in other companies. This is certainly somewhat due to the fact that I am very low in my career and really feel quite powerless and worthless in terms of being able to “add value” to an organization. When I make friends with people at work, then I will feel more comfortable talking to them about our current job, and what they like and don’t like, and where they might be thinking of as the next step in their career. Certainly at this point I would feel comfortable connecting with them on LinkedIn, if not on Facebook! In short, I feel most comfortable “networking” with people when I get along with them very well, at the level of considering them “work friends.” I try to get along with everybody at my work, but as far as connecting more deeply with people, only a small number are in that “inner circle.” I am an introvert and very private person. I have no problem making shallow, surface acquaintances, but making deeper friends and having a deeper connection has always taken a lot of time and effort on my part.

study on professional networking. wants us to write a story as PART of the experiment! well done! next

We are asking each participant to generate one fictitious story that we can use for future stimuli. You have been assigned to the “negative story” condition. Namely, we want you to write a detailed story about an experience during which someone was not invited to a party by his/her co-workers because the (non-invited) person was rude to his/her co-worker, even though he/she is not typically a rude person. Think of as many sensory details as you can and elaborate on how the non-invited person in the story might feel during this experience. In addition, we want you to write this story in the first person as if you were the non-invited person (e.g., “I was…”, “I felt…”) to make the story as compelling and realistic as possible for future studies on this topic. Even if you do not personally agree with or have a first-hand experience with this topic, we ask that you write your response as directed.

Remember, please write a first- person account of this experience in as much detail as possible. ok go::::::

I was having a bad day. I was very unhappy with my job because it was extremely stressful by nature and I usually felt nervous, anxious, nauseous, stressed, overwhelmed, and full of doubt and confusion. There were plenty of nice people at my job, the one positive thing about it. I was starting to make a new work friend and I really enjoyed having someone I could talk to who could relate to how I felt about the job, and who could give me support and encouragement, and also just talk to like a normal person and bring a sense of normalcy and levity to the day.

Well, I was having another not-so-great day. I was stressed about the job and had been worried all yesterday evening about the confusing and unexpected events that would happen the next day, today. I couldn’t get good sleep at night because my mind was racing with jumbled thoughts. I had gone for a run after work to try to burn up some stress but it didn’t really seem to work. I took half of a sleeping pill to try to help me get to sleep at a decent time, but it didn’t seem to work either, and as I continued looking at the clock, I became more frustrated and worried.

I was also worried about other things in my personal life. My girlfriend had been very distant with me for months and I feared she wanted to break up with me. I very much wanted to work with her to address and fix any problems, but she did not seem nearly as willing to do this. I was much more willing to communicate and put effort into the relationship than she was. It was like watching a train wreck in slow motion. I didn’t want to lose her and once in a while I perceived mixed signals from her that maybe we could work our way through this rough patch. But really it didn’t look good. However the thought of losing her was devastating to me, and I really hoped we could work things out. It didn’t seem hopeful though. I felt like I was the one doing all the work, and that she already had one foot out the door. Needless to say I was not happy about this.

I got no more than 2 hours of sleep that night and felt horrified on how I was going survive another day at my job. My mind was a confused jumble. How was I going to explain confusing concepts to my clients that even I didn’t fully understand? How could I project confidence when I felt like a wreck? I was terrified and felt like a lost child who just wanted his mother.

I was totally distracted when I spoke to my work friend that day. I didn’t mean to be short with him, but he responded by being short with me. At this point I determined he was simply reacting to me, and that he thought I was intentionally being rude to him. He left before I could apologize and clarify the situation.

I should have been more assertive in getting out in front of this, but just avoided the situation like a coward. Later I found that he had had a party and had not invited me. I felt terrible because we had previously gotten along well, and he had invited me to a previous party, where I fully enjoyed myself.

I felt terrible that such a stupid misunderstanding could interfere with what was starting to become a promising friendship. I felt ashamed that my unstable emotional state led me to push people away without even realizing it. I felt frustrated, lonely, misunderstood, sad, and angry, like I wasn’t given a fair chance.

It was tough times all around.

////

I don’t see the president as being wholly responsible for the state of US economy. I identify as being quite conservative politically but do not identify with the Republican Party, and would like to see a more “true conservative” party. Will probably vote Trump. Not a blind Trump supporter but I think economically we need to be more protectionistic and nationalistic and much less globalistic. I am against globalism and my main aim is creating jobs in America, and uplifting the lower classes by creating more working class jobs as were available 50 years ago. An average person could make a decent living with a high school education or less. It seemed easier to get a living wage job. Now we have college graduates in 30k + debt unable to get jobs that pay more than 12 dollars an hour. This is disgusting in my opinion. I don’t think college should be free, but I think much fewer people should go to college. At the moment it seems like a scam to prey on gullible children and their families. I believe high school should itself be much more focused on job training and a wide variety of internships. Skilled trades training should be made available from an earlier age.
I would cut social science and humanities programs and make college programs more focused on job placement. Simply, if a student could not place a 20 dollar an hour job before graduation (for example), he would not be allowed to graduate, and schools would develop relationships with companies to ensure 99.99999% job placement rates, even with students who struggled with the interview and job search process.
But college would be the choice for less than 50% of students, and the rest would be involved in trade school or on the job training. Too many jobs ask for a college degree that really do NOT require it. Most people can do most jobs without a college degree.

some study about your beliefs about the economy.

////

oh yeah i had a DREAM  featuring THAT WOMAN last night. in it I was talking to an old friend and he said well you should just talk to her and I said I KNOW, thats what Ive been TRYING to do, but she keeps AVOIDING me, if I keep trying to talk to her, it will look like I’m stalking her, she obviously doesn’t want to talk and yeah you’re right, she SHOULD want to talk and this is fooking RIDICULOUS and she is being RIDICULOUS, she should just talk to me, but I can’t MAKE her if she’s being THIS stubborn.

and my friend say hmmm well I still think you should try to talk to her.

and then I saw her and she was being ridiculous. I was technically talking to her but we were not having a real conversation. and it was clear we were not going to have a productive conversation about the important issue. she was not very cooperative and was not listening and was just acting very immature.

overall impact of the dream was very low. it did not ruin my day and I can barely remember it less than 12 hours later.

so thank GOD for that. but it still in general sucks just to see her face, to see her. I want to pretend she doesnt exist, and some days I have good days and that goal seems attainable. becoming obsessed with doing machanical saracen seems to be helping with that, occupying my mind and pushing HER out of it.

may 22

is it naive and ignorant and stupid and doomed for me to be anti-globalist? ie you just cant be antiglobalist, because thats the rules every nation has to play by now? you can choose to ignore it…..at your own peril. its a gloablist WORLD and if you deny that, youre doomed. you cant just close the borders to foreign goods and say, we are gonna manufacture our own tvs and clothing and goods. then a pair of underwear would cost $100. what about food. i know we actually import food. chickens from china. apples from brazil. bananas from brazil. but we grow a lot of food too. shitloads of corn. not that corn is healthy, but still. i would imagine most of the beef and chicken and pork we eat is raised in the US.

but not the computers we use, the clothes we wear.

so instead of paying 400 dollars for this laptop, it would cost at least 1000. if not 2000.

like we just cant go back to the world of the 1950s where we produced a lot of our own stuff because the rest of the world isnt playing by those rules anymore. it simpl would not work to create a bunch of low level manufacturing jobs making our own computers and clothes.

but why not?

there was some news blurb that venezuela has stopped producing beer, becuase they can’t afford to import barley any more. so I thought, well, then they just shouldnt make beer any more. or try growing their own barley. if you have to import it, maybe the good lord didnt intend for you to produce beer. maybe he wants you to produce wine or Liquor instead. there are other ways to get drunk and forget you live in a poor crime infested shithole like venezuela hahaha.

bbbbbbut in venezuela they wait in lines for 8 hours a day just to buy household goods! women cant even buy Tamponz because they are not available, and you have to pay huge amounts on the black market for such things! this is what happens when you ignore globalism! and this is a country with rich resources of oil!

so in other words, manufacturing jobs are good for GOOD, and we HAVE to ADAPT to the changing world, we HAVE to train our children for Technology and Knowledge jobs……..and service jobs IE answering calls in a call center.

call centers are the new factories. call centers are the new manufacturing jobs where you can make a living wage.

hehehe i would much rather work in a factory than take phone calls and talk to people all day.

some people are really extraverted chatty people people. I am not. i just want to do a TASK, i dont want to TALK to people all day. and its not just talking, its clever engaged talking with a lot of Active Listening and thinking creatively. you cant just tune out and say uh huh. uh huh. the whole time. your mind has to be working creatively the whole time, thinking, how can i explain this? how can i fix this? what additional information do i need that they don’t know I need?

its fookin gay. cease this f4ggotry at once.

P7KsJtg

Please recall a recent occasion when you overate. Describe the situation in details and tell us how you felt after that.

Great topic. I struggle with overeating for a long time. Recently I decided I was unhappy about started to get somewhat overweight, and decided to do something about it. I got serious about counting calories and exercising, using the MyFitnessPal website to track calories in and out. I discovered that a person of my age and height and weight did not need nearly as many calories as I was regularly consuming. I was gaining weight for a very obvious reason: I simply ate more than I needed. I made a conscious effort to do portion control. I was disappointed that I could not eat nearly as much as I usually wanted to. I started feeling hungry more often throughout the day, and frustrated that I could reach my calorie limit and still be a little hungry. I also began exercising much more diligently, burning off a lot of calories that way. I ultimately lost 20 pounds and officially stopped being “Overweight” (BMI), so in my mind, that’s all that matters. I would still like to lose about 10 more pounds. I still have days where I overeat. I feel pretty guilty and disappointed and frustrated when I do. Like, I have worked so hard, and it’s so easy to blow it all just by eating this “snack” while out with friends. It usually happens when out with friends in the evening and eating a “snack.” then I am 400 calories over my 1500 calorie daily limit and know I am going to have to cut back the next day.
I still love to eat, so this will always be a challenge for me. But I have made significant progress so I know that the challenge is not insurmountable.

Billed as the “only known recording of Hitler speaking in a normal, not-loud speechmaking voice.” I cannot recall hearing any recordings of Hitler not in his dramatic, emotional, speech-making voice, but I am still skeptical that this is the ONLY recording in which Hitler is speaking in a normal voice. It is an 11 minute recording of Hitler speaking with General Mannerheim. Mannerheim sort of sounds like he is speaking Swedish rather than German, but it could just be a different German accent. I know Hitler himself had an “Austrian” accent supposedly. I don’t speak German or Swedish, but I am pretty good at recognizing different languages. There are other people in the room and sounds of cups clinking. They are probably drinking tea, coffee or water. They speak of a tank factory in Donets, USSR (possibly Ukraine currently), where Hitler witnessed 60,000 men working on building tanks throughout a single day, in undesirable conditions. Hitler was shocked at the size of the Soviet army and the size of their armaments, ie, he was shocked they had 35,000 tanks or more. He felt he had vastly underestimated the strength of his opponent.
I have no idea how legitimate this recording is. I don’t recall anyone addressing Hitler by name. I am simply not well-read on Hitler’s experience with the Soviet forces. I believe that he could have initially underestimated them. I am less believing that this recording is actually Hitler, and least believing of all that it is the only recording of Hitler not shouting.

I might get rejected for that one because I might not have followed the instructions about “no critiques” hahahaha.  yeah well it sucks to get rejected because many tasks want you to have like a 98 or 99% approval rate, which is pretty high, and one rejection can knock you way down. one single rejection can disqualify you from many tasks, in other words.

he’s gonna reject that one because i interjected too much commentary. didnt follow directions hahaha. he didnt even have a 9000 word essay on all the directions.

i am a very below average worker, i am a very below average turker hahaha.

hey i get it. i understand totally how women feel, used and discarded and thrown away by men. ok im done with you now. bye bye. why are you still here? i’m done with you. i’ve forgotten about you and replaced you. time to move on. you were nothing more than a temporary thing for me. im done with you. bye bye. get over it.

well this is exactly how I feel treated by WOMEN. as such i am shocked that women can treat human beings and relationships like casual temporary throwaway objects! I’m a human being god damn it!!!!! I have feelings and a heart and I am worth something! I am not just a task that you get done with in 10 minutes! Im a god damn PERSON just like YOU!!!!!!

and if i expected ANY woman to treat me like a PERSON, it was HER.

thats all hahaha.

being thrown away and treated like less than a person is FUN, said no one ever hahahahaha.

so she treated me just like Alpha Chads treat the women they pump and dump.

is that because she felt pumped and dumped by her most recent boifran? probably. if he can do it to her, she can do it to me.

but honestly I felt me and her were closer than she and HIM were! she was just in luv with him and fooked his black dick and made videos of herself sucking his black dick and getting sperm on her pretty face and hair hahahaha.

ok this is not shaping up well.

well i am getting to the point of who cares. i really dont care. i still do care a bit, but i have definitely made some progress in 9.3 months of not contacting her hahaha.

stuff like the job interviews and mechanical turk does help.

but i can still think of how good we got along and think damn that sucks. we had a really good thing. i NEVER get along with women that well. how could she throw away something so valuable like that? didnt I mean anything to her? I never get along with women that well. Does she always get along with men that well? not at THAT point in her life! she was still very unexperienced with men, and I liked that, because I am very inexperienced with women.

I wouldn’t say I’ve participated in a VERY similar study, but a MODERATELY similar study, and the researcher’s name looks familiar. But I DEFINITELY did NOT participate in the exact same study. This study was probably about how political views correlate with your personality traits and how you rank various college departments. As an Arts and Sciences grad who felt my degree was rather Useless, I have strong opinions on this, and would like to see much less availability of social sciences, humanities, liberal arts etc in Universities, and more of a focus on STEM departments.  In the pyramid, I would have put Arts and Sciences at the bottom, engineering at the top. Law would probably be moved down because I think law school is too expensive for the limited opportunities new law grads face. Medicine (I supposed technically a part of STEM), Engineering (same), Math/Quantitative (same), and Business related should be at the top of the pyramid. If Education reflects this type of educational system, then good, more money for that. I believe Social Workers do important work but I don’t know how effective they are, and I don’t think they are compensated enough, and it seems to me that there are too many social work students. I would NOT encourage my child to go into social work. I want my children and the future generation to be well prepared and to have a reasonably good chance at getting an in-demand, well-paying job. College education should be MUCH more job-focused.

the study was about social dominance and hierarchies hahaha. of coursei am an equality hating FASCIST so, i am big on DOMINANCE. DOMINATE OR BE DOMINATED.

GOD DAMN CVNT!!!!!

how can you just be done with a person?!?!?!?!

If i had the answer, would it make me any happier?

NO!!!!!!!!

Plus I already KNOW the answer, in general: because she was abandoned by her father. because she was betaryed by her BF. bc she does not trust men. bc she is an immature coward. bc she had some family stress at the time. bc she was overwhelmed and didnt know what to do. bc she didnt have courage for any of these reasons. bc she was in fight or flight mode and she chose flight. bc she was like a frightened animal who runs away when you make the slightest sound.

but why was she like that? with ME! I guess I thought I was SPECIAL enough to her, that I would get Special Treatment, that I had gotten through her shield. i wasnt just some random person she could throw away. she would be CONFLICTED about it. i wasnt just some deadbeat betraying her or cheating on her. i didnt think she would IGNORE our entire friendship. but its like thats EXACTLY what she did. and ONLY saw the “bad” thing I did (which wasn’t really bad bad) and compeltely forget about ALL the good stuff.  that was how she felt no cognitive or emotional dissonance here. or did she? I’ll never know!!!!!

what if she HAD said, ok yes, i DO acknowledge that you think I am important. I’m still done though. its irrelevant.

so, i guess what I wanted most was HER to tell me that she thought I mattered. a feeling which would then lead her to show courage to me, to show kindness to me, to do one last thing for me.

she has a lot more SHE needs to learn out of this than I do!!!! I learned everything I needed: blurt out the truth ASAP and dont rely on signals and dont WAIT around for them. just a stupid kind of not super important lesson. her lesson is: dont dump people like this. show courage and tell them they meant something to you. ANDDDDD she is NOT likely to ever learn that lesson. even though its by FAR the more important of the two lessons.

a study about coupons for free burgers that I was “forced” to eat every few days, presumably to see if I got tired of them:::

I personally enjoy burgers quite a bit, so you might have gotten lucky with me. When I went to college, so many people were vegetarians and vegans that it might have been considered unsophisticated that the average person would enjoy a burger. Not that I really care, I just know that some of these studies focus mainly on college students, which I think is a big mistake, and hopefully these studies reach beyond these unique and non-representative populations.

Also, I would not go back “several days” later. I would want to wait at least a week between each burger, otherwise I would probably get sick or bored of eating the same burger. Plus I am watching my weight and would not want to eat a huge burger like that every few days. Once a week at most. But I would certainly fully enjoy it every time.

Also the picture suggests it is the same exact burger each time. If it is a burger-oriented restaurant, there would probably be several options of burgers, and I would probably try a different one each time, to experience the full variety of their burgers. Like a bacon burger one week, perhaps a “spicy” burger another week, perhaps a “BBQ” burger another week, I have even heard of a deep-fried burger which sounds interesting.

I hope these concerns will be addressed in discussions with the principal investigator and in the discussion section of your research paper.

another one, paying a whopping 50 cents, from HARVARD: ( i think the burger one paid 20 cents and it took longer)

Good fun. I can’t believe you can afford to pay 50 cents for that, many other HITs would have offered about 2 cents for a short study like that. Is this because a university as highly recognized as Harvard is flush with cash? Only somewhat kidding. I would love to do any other HITs you have. Also I hear Amazon is taking a much bigger cut of Requester’s money, that is, the commission you are supposed to pay Amazon jumped from 10% to 40% over just one year. It was suggested that this would hurt academic research by making academic HITs less prevalent, and with less money to entice participants. I might recommend contacting Amazon MTurk management about this policy, if it is something that concerns you.

 

HELLO WORLD: GURLCODER LADYBOSS HAS 1/8th THE KNOWLEDGE OF A STREETSH1TTER H1B STINKING UP THE OFFICE WITH CURRY MICROWAVE, CURRY FARTZ, and CURRY B.O.

mar 25

and indians are high on the list of my favorite nonwhite races. I just never had the dubious “privilege” of working with h1b indians in a tech office. i hear its horrible hahahaha. my experience is limited to christian indians at church and they are very nice hahaha.

shit. just feel unable to do any job. projecting confidence when you have NONE because you dont know what you are doing, and getting help is Frowned Upon. Figure It Out Yourself and Stop Wasting My Time. And Figure It Out Quickly, time is money. maybe you’re not a good fit here. maybe you’d do better at a 9 DAHJ. not quite ready for the 15DAH Grown Up League Prime Time Are Ya? how old are you again? Shit we have level 3’s making 20 DAH who are younger than you!

http://www.fastcompany.com/3058251/the-future-of-work/why-learning-to-code-wont-save-your-job

this is what i’ve been saying. ANYONE can learn to write a compsci 101 first day of class hello world program, and then pat themselves on the back for being a 15 year old gurl who’s well on her way to a powerful career as a ladyboss gurlcoder. when the fact is, it takes years of grueling, obsessive, autistic training and study and struggle to become a Real Coder, to Think like a coder, to gain the Coders Mindset, and to write actually valuable programs that companies will pay you for. All the Streetshitter H1B’s have at least bachelor of compsci degrees if not masters, do you? can you outcode them? now I hear that good american coders consider the h1bs to be generally shitty coders, but I would still think the h1b’s are better coders than some 20 year old gurl going to a 2 week code camp. i took like 4 full courses dedicated wholly to coding  and i still dont know shit. you have to learn how to Think Algorithmically.

do you know how to use pointers and polymorphism? if that sounds like Gibberish, congratulations. that’s about one-eighth the knowledge of a standard streetshitter h1b getting paid 15 DAH to code and stink up the office with Fish Curry in the Microwave and Curry Farts and Curry BO hahahaha.

wow this magazine (fastcompany) is discouraging hahaha. makes you question why you want to get a degree and work a stupid office job.

when you see the higher ups go into a meeting and stay there for an hour and you think, why can’t I ever have meetings? I want authoritative advice and knowledge! Train us! Train us! Help Us! and Those lucky bastards get to sit in a meeting for 45 minutes and not answer phones with Trick Questions like I do! this is like them going to Class and Learning the material, while I just take the Test all day that I am unprepared for!

well, hopefully you’ve identified at least one level 2 who is nicer than the rest, who doesn’t treat you like an idiot. Funny that these nice level 2’s might be viewed as dumber by the more arrogant level 2’s. doesnt matter. anyway. hit up your friendly level 2 and say, what was that meeting about, can you share with me any of the Training Decks or PDF’s or powerpoints that they had during the meeting. Just email them to me or better yet, show me some stuff on the Company Shared Drive, the one that has 100000000000 folders and 1000000000000000000000000000 subfolders and buried in there is some useful stuff, lots of old stuff, and its hard to tell the difference between useful and nonuseful stuff because you just don’t know whats right and whats wrong, what’s smart and whats dumb. NOTHING makes sense. so you don’t know whats SUPPOSED to make sense, and whats NOT supposed to make sense.

anyway. it sucks knowing that HER life is BETTER without me, and my life is much WORSE without her. she was a HUGE positive in my life. I was just an annoying negative that she wanted to cut out, like a cancerous tumor or a newly conceived human baby life.  just get rid of it.

actions speak much louder than words,  BUT we should also  take into account that you can get NERVOUS and this might make it seem like you dont like somebody, when in fact you really like them. hehehe. or people undergoing stress which makes them angrier or low energy or distracted, and you have to believe them when they say, sorry if i seem bitchy , i’m stressed out, but I still like you.

but STILL. they should give you some FACE TIME, some hang out time. how about 1 hour a week hahahaha in between their family and their stressful career where you are being to solve more and more weird problems, do more with less, know everything, walk on water.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/reading-my-date-0

like here. her date might have just been NERVOUS on a first date. the only way to clear up ambiguity between words and actions is to talk to them and hopefully they bring their actions in line with their words.  dont dump a guy because you think he doesnt like you but in fact hes just NERVOUS. havent you ever gotten nervous?

so you like him but then you dump him and then he calls you and says, hey i like you too, i was just NERVOUS! damn! give me another chance! if you like me! and then she says sorry, don’t like you anymore, your chance is over, you blew it, i found a new guy i like who isnt nervous and he fooks me great! all in the span of 2 weeks or less. fooking degenerate children hahahaha.

ok now i am overreacting. there are decent women out there. i am simply taking the worst aspects of HER and building a fantasy nightmare woman that doesnt really exist. and saying that all women are like this horrible demon that isnt even real, but made up of the worst elements of her, worst elements of some other women, and shit that angry hateful mgtows and Red Pill guys say on the internet.

this guy is all about the black pill, there was a rumor he did the college shooting in oregon but he didnt, it was that mulatto hahaha. but this guy eggman is a real hit with the ladies. i guess in this video he says some good stuff though. i wont listen to it though becuase it will probably be discouraging hahaha

http://www.radixjournal.com/journal/2015/10/6/the-black-pill

well at least he is gainfully employed and has a nice car hahahahahahahahahaha

but he is a fat bitter woman hating cigarette smoker and he has to become a hyperborean ubermensch before he can pull a 6/10 hahahaha

but he works 90 hours a week! for 10 DAH!

hes leaving r9k

anyway i guess he seems like a good guy. i think he eventually got an ugly gf hahaha.

http://www.radixjournal.com/podcast/2015/9/23/the-rakes-progress

richard spencer has an actual talking talk with f roger devlin, the mysterious phd famous for his red pilled and brilliant writings on Women

really devlin should make videos for neets and omegas on how to game women hahahahahaha

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2008/07/23/decivilizing-human-nature-unleashed/

hehehe heartiste writes very favorably of devlin of coursh

http://nypost.com/2016/03/23/potheads-may-get-high-but-their-prospects-in-life-go-way-down/

anyway i hope that eggman guy does alright, i can kinda relate to him.

but yeah. its not surprising that men who have utterly failed with women and always get dumped….are gonna be angry and bitter towards women.

but if you get obsessed about women and read game and mgtow and mra and theredpill stuff all day, and porno, uhhh this will only make you hate women more. you kinda need to do Intentional Ignorance. which is hard to do for Truthseekers and red pill types! but its best to IGNORE the truth about women until you stop hating women so damn much. and then be a strong leader of the women in your life, so they dont leave you for not being a strong leader hahaha.

mar 26

basically, the True Nature of women is so awful that unless you are an alpha male….you WILL hate women. Cuz they just are NATURALLY horrible, until society can get them under control again, with strong husbands and fathers and shaming. not going so far as mudslims, but back to the good old days of white patriarchy where fathers told their daughters dont be a whore. hell no you’re not going away to college to be a whore. you want to date a guy? i have to approve of every guy you date. bring them to me while I clean my gunz threateningly, say you bring my daughter home a minute after 9 pm, I am cutting your balls off. you call me SIR, boy.

no burkas, nothing like that, nothing like barefoot and pregnant. but the women will grow to LIKE being mothers, and will LIKE being a Helpmeet to their Man. They will GLADLY bring him a sandwich without even being asked. They respect and appreciate him.

I UNDERSTAND and GET hypergamy. But I don’t know why hypergamy has to be coupled with such Emotional Violence and Bitchiness. DONT ADD INSULT TO INJURY. I will accept the injury but I wont accept the INSULT. Be NICE to me when you dump me for a Better Man. Treat Betas and Omegas like Human Beings with feelings and hearts. And don’t be huuuuuuge fooking whores.

you can be hypergamous, but don’t be a huge whore or a huge bitch. period.

so, its womens NATURE to be huge insulting bitches and whores? so we must use “nurture” to contain and limit women’s nature?

i dunno i hate to think that womens nature is HORRIBLE. because i dont like thinking that nature should be run out with a pitchfork. thats how you cause problems! by DENYING human nature.

well not everything about human nature is GOOD. for example, our proclivity to eat too much. we do need to learn to control and disclipline ourselves, and women have been Brainwashed by the Media and Culture that Self Control is BAD.

Self control is NOT bad, it’s GREAT. its VERY GOOD.

google how to be stoic

how to be tough

how to be emotionally tough

can you fix something without knowing the cause? probably. But I get frustrated and nervous and obsessive when I dont know the cause.

like with muh job. we would have articles on supposedly how to fix things. or rather what to do. If I were writing the articles, I would have a simple list of steps along with a simple script to say while you do them. then at the bottom I would have a section For Future Reference on WHAT CAUSES the problem, and WHY you do each of the steps you do. Why does this happen, and why do these things fix it, and how can you prevent it.

the articles were just confusing as fook. they were long and complex and they didnt really EXPLAIN anything. they had steps of shit to do, but those steps were written in a confusing bloated manner.

you needed to make your own manual for the manual.

you needed to always read between the lines and try to think what is this REALLY saying. and the level 2’s would TALK to you in the same way.

STOP DANCING AROUND SHIT AND JUST TELL ME STRAIGHT UP. IT IS IN OUR COMPANY’S BEST INTEREST TO RESOLVE SHIT QUICKLY. TIME IS MONEY.

So in terms of time being money, yeah I didnt understand why everything had to be so OBTUSE. shit being OBTUSE costs time and money.

now I can understand not training people. because then phones are ringing while people are sitting in a training session not answering phones.

i was watching “the profit” with this bald gay guy on cnbc and he was actually pretty good. he tries to save struggling businesses. takes a look at all aspects of the business, the management, the finances, the operations, the costs, revenue, margins, training. then he invests a ton of money in it and becomes a very active partner.

like this burger restaurant where he was like these burgers are mediocre, not worth $7 for this shit; your meat and cheese are mediocre and frozen; you drove out your best chef because the management and owners are huge micromanaging assholes; the place is a total mess.

but it raised questions for me. like yeah the place is a mess because it would cost a shitload of money to rent a dumpster and clean out the alley. the floor is filthy because it would cost a shitload of money to move everything out of the kitchen and restaurant and scrub the floor until it sparkles. and would it be worth that expense? does it make you more money if the floor under the freezer is clean? the business is already losing like 5 grand  a month. most of the money was going towards food costs. they were somehow spending TOO MUCH money on that shitty frozen freezer beef. now mr hardcore MBA comes in and wants to spend MORE money on food?

but i did like how he said hey stop micromanaging and being bitches to one of your best employees the chef, you drove him away once, now treat him good because he is valuable to this place.

waaawaaaaa i was never VALUABLE to an employer, always easily replaced.

I was never VALUABLE to a woman, always easily replaced hahahahahaha.

aren’t I valuable?

of coursh not, you have to MAKE YOURSELF VALUABLE!!!!!!!

Yeah well I thought I was valuable to her on SOME level.

I was at the fatclub burning 1000 calories when I saw a young woman who used to work at our workplace. who knows if she still works there. but she was working there when I left. it was weird to see someone who SEES HER EVERY DAY. I wonder if they talk, if they are friends now, if she texted her saying guess who I saw….etc etc etc.

Now I barely talked to this woman and I pretended like I didnt see her. But she was right in front of me and I think she might have seen me!!! But women are GREAT at not noticing people, or at least acting like they don’t notice people. but who knows how much they ACTUALLY notice. since i am paranoid and hate women, i think they notice EVERYTHING so as to use it against you, when they appear like they dont notice you at all.

how can a White Human Being be so horrible?

I’ve noticed a lot of Blacks in MGTOW. Like at least 40% of harcore MGTOW youtube channels are Black American Men. I wonder if this makes MGTOW men more likely to side with black men, because they are men, rather than white women. to find sex more important than race in other words.

anyway its hard to know What Is Women. Are they what TheRedPill says they are, the worst horrible pieces of shit? they sure aren’t perfect princesses. So I think we need a Purple Pill for Women, in that I think the Red Pill view of women goes TOO FAR. Women can’t be THAT bad, can they? I hope not.

Heh. it sucks to doubt your own judgment THIS much. you need to be confident that what you’re doing is right. once you start doubting, then you lose confidence that ANY of your Important Decisions are Correct. Also had this at the job. becuase you had no confidence in your knowledge, you doubted your sense of judgment. YEP i can make 60 decisions an hour, but I’ll never know if they were the right decision! you want to go through and check them? of course you dont have time for that. if you had time for that, you’d have time to train people better so they WOULD know stuff and have Good Judgment.

So What Are Women?

That Sex At Dawn Phaggot actually had ONE good point in that we are now in a state of “Sexual OBESITY”, in that anything and everything is freely available, so we (alpha males and women, not “we” at all really haha) GORGE like GLUTTONS at the feast. Same way since Hearty Food is SO freely available, we GORGE on food FAR beyond our daily needs, and become no self control fat fooks. this is natural given our UNNATURAL ENVIRONMENT. But can an environment ever be unnatural? i dunno, but it can DEFINITELY be UNHEALTHY and BAD. And I guess its human nature to adapt to our environment, good or bad.

Rick MOranis’s hiatus from acting was influenced by his wifes death from cancer and his decision to focus on his children. very honorable. unfortunately he is a J. I guess I shouldnt be surprised by that. but he is a J  I kinda like. I wish he were White because he seems very principled and moral and good and honorable.

well, i have a tendency to IDEALIZE people I like, and to Anti-Idealize/Demonize people I DONT Like. meaning, make them better or worse than they really are. all in my MIND.

anyway basically people having TOO MUCH FREEDOM and in that they can be enslaved by their Desires and Appetites and Id. Betas to Porn, Fatties to Food, and Women to Alpha Carousel during their 20s.

but these are unhealthy SUBSETS of larger groups that are NOT INHERENTLY UNHEALTHY.

hehehe see all the mental gymnastics you have to do to prove to yourself that women aren’t inherently shitty hahaha? why not just accept the red pill then?

because i cant. i cant accept that all women are shitty horrible bitches and whores. i dont want to live in that kind of world.

anyway yeah its weird to see a person who i KNOW saw HER that same DAY. TODAY. yesterday. very recently. I cant get her to respond to me, to say anything to me, she just ends a Significant Longterm Rel by Total Blocking, and then this other woman sees her every DAY. well maybe one of them left the company. I will never know. I certainly didnt talk to this other woman. Like I said I only talked to her maybe all of 1 minute. she seemed very bitchy and slutty as well. had an attractive young body combined with some pretty slutty tattoos. of course that job will make you bitchy. it made me bitchy! and others too. it made everyone more bitchy.  doesnt mean you can’t have an actual friendly meeting outside of work though. nights and weekends baby.

like I see this person, and I know this person JUST SAW THAT PERSON. Well, not if one of them left the job. maybe That Person found a better job and now makes 17 DAH hahahah and is after even more alpha men. but shes an idiot with terrible judgment, who picks awful men, and who has no understanding of what she does. how can she make good decisions and judgment on the job?

it just goes to show you didnt need to be smart or sharp. you just had to go through motions and be unflusterable. get good at saying theres nothing we can do, it is what it is, sorry, is there anything else i can help you with. you didnt HAVE To try to figure stuff out. you just make sure you say this and that and play the game and Hit Your Metrics. she was good at that but horrible at actually understanding things at a deep level. that was where I was starting to get good, by becoming obsessive and a maniac, unsustainably so.  i was PRETTY good at my metrics too. what im saying was i was a better smarter more valuable employee than her. but i was much more flusterable. emotionally unstable. yep i was more emotionally unstable than a damn WOMAN. that does not bode well for the cofidence.

it was like we were playing a game of CHICKEN and SHE won.

we were competing against each other and she won. she Bested me. she outperformed me. she was TOUGHER than me.

But yeah I just cant trust my own judgment on women. and reading anything on the internet sucks. people debate and debate what women really are. and of course women dont know.

yeah its just frustrating. that they are like half the worlds population and you DONT KNOW WHAT THEY ARE. a weird alien living among you. or not because you dont know any anymore.

i saw a person who probably saw HER, yesterday.

it would be different if i were actually on speaking terms with them!

cuz then I would be very tempted to ask, know anything about HER!

i mean i had seen another person from the workplace, this time a man, a few months ago, at the gym. he was kinda a douchebag and i avoided him. i had nothing to say to him. i wonder if SHE is friends with either of these people now. or with the young man I was friends with there. He was a great guy but back then he didnt talk to HER at all. wonder if they talk now. maybe he could tell her hey it might be a good idea to talk to ME. cuz he was the only person i actually TOLD about all this.

haha maybe she and him fooked. i dont think he would sell me out like that, but i dont really talk to him anymore. she of course i dont trust at all. she would totally sell me out like that.

really i thought i could trust her, but i clearly couldn’t. i trusted her not to block me like a stalker. cuz  wasnt damn stalking her. i was just upset she was dumping me by completely ignoring me. this would upset any man. or woman. especially a woman. if a man did this to a woman, the woman would go APESHIT. a LOT worse than i did.

well i am entitled to my feelings as long as i dont violently Aggress against another person. non aggression principle. prime directive. if anything i wish she cared more about my fee fees.

but yeah. i wonder if that girl talks to her, if she told that girl about me, and when that girl saw me, she pretended not to see me, and then told HER that she saw me. are they friends? do they hang out? what did she tell her about ME? that i was a creepy, unstable, bipolar CRAZY PSYCHO. only psychos quit jobs. dont even bother getting my side of the story. crazy psychos dont have valid sides of stories. their stories are crazy and psycho and wrong.

mar 27

is there a website with sample Critical Thinking Puzzles and Problems that you can do? Simulations? choose the next step kind of thing? in a way it was like we were working on Story Problems all day. Complicated, in depth problems where we felt Out Of Our Depth.

went to easter vigil mass yesterday and it was 2 and a half hours long. i thought you could either go to three and a half of these in a row, or go to one day of WORK. sitting in church is a MUCH better idea. because you just sit there and Praise GOD, rather than try to figure out weird problems all day and feel PUT ON THE SPOT all day.

also there was some nice music and singing as part of the mass. i thought well, they HAD to have practiced or rehearsed for this. you know that uncomfortable feeling you get when you listen to a person sing way out of tune, or a musician totally botch the performance. its like, didn’t you even practice this? it sounds like you didnt even practice this. like you just came in here and youre doing it for the first time. how could you think you could get away with that? you obviously suck!

think of a school band that is given a piece of music to play but they’ve never practiced it before or seen it before, but told to try to play it all together. and it sounds like a total cacaphony. many instruments playing the shit wrong.

well imagine you are the whole band, trying to play multiple pieces of music, and what your client hears is this amateur hour bullshit. that does not give them confidence and it sure as hell does not give YOU confidence.

and then every 20 minutes you get another complex piece of music youve never seen before. to perform for an audience which is judging you on your competence.

not sure exactly when i started studying regularly after work. i should have been doing it the whole time. I think it was around january 2015. i had already been there like 8 months. or 7. and only then did i start getting obsessive. now by then my confidence was getting eaten away by new issues and also the situation with HER was going nowhere and getting worse. that prob influenced me more to try to exert more control over my job, because i had no control on what was going on with HER.

it wasnt just that she treated ME as worthless, its that she treated our REL as worthless. thats hard to explain. it was like she didnt care that we once had an important thing, that was important to her too, which she enjoyed being a part of. for years. you wonder, was it ever important? was that whole thing in my crazy mind only? i know it wasnt, but I dont appreciate her treating it like it was.

the level of Problem Solving and COmmunication and Technical training I’m looking for, like stuff that would actually HELP me with my job, is probably so high level that you can’t expect to find it for FREE on the internet. but rather PAY hundreds of dollars for proprietary bullshit.

like my best training was studying the internal company websites, cases, knowledge base, intranet, that you of course had to log into. its not freely available on the Open Internet.

yeah for a while i thought she might be THE ONE. muh soulmate. the person I was gonna spend the rest of muh life with. a person i could get married to, have chirren with. i mean it was serious shit. i hardly even GET ALONG with a woman THAT well, and i had NEVER fallen in Real Luv with one of these rare women before. so i figured that was a sign. This Is The One.

when you get weird computer errors, you think jeez i wish i had someone who knew what they were doing who can help me with this, cuz this shit makes no sense. so then you call a tech support Genius…….who knows NO MORE than you do. does THAT make any sense? and i was that guy.

moreover, how does the AVERAGE person deal with this kind of confusion on the job, handling problems that are really too complicated for their level of training and intelligence, and there is nothing on the internet to help the average employee with these common on the job problems? there arent millions of people like me looking for help with their confusion and nervousness?

i get my travel bug on by “visiting” places through google maps and earth. yesterday i took a “trip” in krakow. looks like a real nice place.

i wonder if the people in BELARUS are any good. you could probably find a great white wife there!!!! everybody forgets belarus is even a country!!!!!!

problem solving tests for employment google

brain games for adults

http://multitasking.labinthewild.org/multitasking/

practice multitasking tests every day to get better at multitasking

i am slightly below average in multitasking speed, so i do multitasking exercises in my spare time to increase my multitasking to ABOVE average! as of now, I am in the TOP 25% of multitaskers!

because if youre NOT, that means you dont deserve a 15 DAH job. so how come everyone you know and all 30000 people you went to college with make more than 15DAH? hahahaha

that woman wanted to stop being my friend because i didnt make enough money for my age. she at around age 25 was making the same money i was making at age 30+. now she is making WAY more, cuz i am making NOTHING.

google how to LIE to people

http://www.wikihow.com/Lie

http://www.wikihow.com/Tell-Your-Boyfriend-the-Truth-About-How-You-Feel-After-Months-of-Lying

http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Your-Overly-Sensitive-Boyfriend-to-Dump-You

hahahahahaha

QUOTE

You’ve gotten involved with a guy who’s used to being babied, a guy who seems to become devastated over the littlest thing. You don’t want to be around him anymore, but you’re scared that if you break up with him, he’ll sob hysterically, beg you not to, and refuse to take “no” for an answer. Worse yet, even if you do manage to break things off, he might keep begging and become more pitiful than ever. One way to get around that is to get him to break up with you. That way, he’ll feel it was a decision he made, and he won’t keep imploring you to take him back.

END

http://lifehacker.com/5951066/how-to-lie-without-actually-telling-a-lie

its more like being creative and coming up with plausible STORIES for something, so you can have a bullshit explanation to go with saying “no” to them. it really doesnt matter what you say as long as it sounds believable. and never are you going to get called out on it. you just don’t put your stupid story in the case notes. you just note “informed caller this could not be done / issue could not be fixed / fix for problem is not available / must start over again. void the transaction”

http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-lie-to-authority-figures/

http://www.wikihow.com/Break-Your-Addiction-to-a-Person

QUOTE

4

Take note of your communication and interaction styles. In addictive relationships, the pair is usually unable to discuss risky issues and often glaze over certain topics with half-truths. If you notice that you and your partner rarely have truly intimate conversations relating to your personal fears or dreams, you may be in an addictive relationship.[6]

  • Healthy relationships involve intimacy in which conversations go below the surface into areas you would normally not share with the public. These attachments also include give and take from both partners as well as mutual benefit from the attachment.[7]
  • Unhealthy and codependent relationships generally stay above the surface and have few fulfilling conversations. Maybe you are always pretending to be cheerful around the other person, but, inside, you feel sad or confused. You may only ever feel relaxed and happy when the other person is feeling this way. You fear what would happen if you told your lover or friend how you really feel.[8]

END

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/extreme-fear/201005/top-ten-secrets-effective-liars

never forget the big picture of why you are lying: to save TIME and MONEY for your company and ADD VALUE, thus justifying them spending money on YOU. you are saving them more money by resolving lots of issues quickly and getting people off the phone, than they are paying you.

why keep somebody on the phone for something your department is not willing or able to fix?

cuz you might say, well they’ll just CALL BACK when the shit breaks AGAIN and your bandaid fix fell off. the bandaid fell off and they want a new one, or a more permanent fix, or a brand new piece of equipment.

i dunno. it doesnt matter. just get them off the phone as quickly as possible so you can take the next call and get them off the phone as quickly as possible. that is how you solve technical problems. by misdirecting and getting the person off the phone as soon as possible, and at best, doing a bandaid fix that is done with all the confidence and elegance of a grade school band trying to play a fooking beethoven symphony.

of special olympians at their first synchronized swimming practice.

http://cbsg.sourceforge.net/cgi-bin/live

the corporate bullshit generator making nonsense but grammatically correct sentences out of corporate bullshit and buzzwords. NOICE!!!!!!

  • The business leaders secure our measure; nevertheless the Chief IT Strategy Catalyst interactively prioritizes a collaborative delivery framework.

that kind of stuff. meaningless mba masterbation.

 

A LOSE LOSE LOSE LOSE LOSE SITUATION / GETTING YOUR LUV MUSCLE SWOLE AF / RECREATIONAL REPRODUCTION

mar 2

just because your relationship is in a contested or tenuous or uncertain state, doesnt mean you can just throw it away. doesnt mean you can throw it away and the other person wont get hurt. yes it was uncertain and probably unlikely that our friendship would or even COULD last…..but it doesnt mean you can throw it away like that. have a meeting and finish the friendship in an HONORABLE way, not a DISGRACEFULLY DISHONORABLE way. it should be a solemn and tear filled ceremony on both sides. like burying a decorated soldier. play taps on a bugle or amazing grace or bagpipes or something. its serious and its sad for both people. you dont throw the dead soldier into an unmarked grave. thats something you do with like osama bin laden hahahaha.

so dont say well i didnt owe it to talk to you or be nice to you because YOU (meaning ME) KILLED the whole friendship in an INSTANT when you got feelings.

and i would say, i disagree, youre WRONG, that simply isnt TRUE, i appeal that decision to dr fookin phil, lets go talk to a shrink right now, you can even pick a manhating shrink if you want. yes i got feelings but NO this doesnt kill the entire relship DEAD. our relship had longterm roots, had a lot of time and emotion invested from both of us; you just CANT kill that dead in one instant. you can try, and i say that YOU tried a lot harder than i did to kill it dead instantly. the natural and right thing to do when one person gets feelings is to talk about it, to see exactly how its gonna affect the friendship, and if it needs to end, end it HONORABLY.  the natural response is not to avoid and throw away the other person. thats NEVER the correct response.

by this time i can accept and live with the fact that she was just scared and avoidant. ive avoided shit i shouldnt have. i am a huge avoider. turns out so is she. ALL IT IS is a person avoiding dealing with an unpleasant reality because its too hard, and doesnt have a big enough payoff for her. and she probably KNOWS this too. but its not enough to get her to act. never will be.

like when you or even I avoid something we know we should do. we say, yeah i know im wrong, i should do this, but im too much of a lazy coward, now lets just focus on the future and not the past hahaha. yeah i was wrong, shame on me, i take full responsibility, bla bla bla. is this true repentance?

WELL, its not always that your avoidance directly HURTS another person. you might be too scared to do something you need to do, but its not really HURTING anyone but yourself. at worst another person is mildly annoyed that you didnt do something you said you would do. but rarely does your inaction directly hurt somebody a lot!

so in other words, very rarely would you need to make AMENDS with another PERSON regarding your avoidance.

this is one of those rare cases.

most of the time though, the main person youre hurting is YOURSELF, by being lazy and cowardly and craven and spineless and apathetic.

but sometimes, another person is really putting themselves out there For You, and you let them down by doing nothing. its not a betrayal, its not Aggressive Hostility, its not the worst kind of evil, but boy does it SUCK and its rude and destructive and bad.

so yeah. i cant say she was DISGUSTED by the idea of lowly loser ME liking way-out-of-my-league HER. she did not have a Big Head anyway. I cant say anything about her motivations or thoughts or feelings other than she was too scared/cowardly to do the Courteous thing; AND that she was not interested in Dating Me. that would have given her the motivation and courage to respond to me. I guess we can say she was not at all interested in continuing the friendship. like not at all. that was kind of insulting. rude hahaha. insult to injury.

they say there is a self esteem problem with Women. I say BULLSHIT. then women would not be making more money than men hahahah. they would be fookin pathetic neets like men. instead, many women act like fookin narcissists. like they are gods gift to the world. now bow down and worship me. how dare that unattractive man even look at me.

if anything i like a woman with slightly LOW self esteem because I have kinda low self esteem myself. also it makes you more humble and friendly and not an asshole. people dont think theyre TOO GOOD for you. so i kinda liked that about her. she was humble and quiet and shy and didnt think she was the greatest thing in the world. without falling into the other trap women with lower self esteem have, ie they become sluts trying to build their self esteem thru promiscuous secs. and she did not do that.

march 3

i dont think she had super low slut level self esteem in other words. she just didnt have excessively inflated narcissistic princess self esteem! and was humble and reserved and quiet and chill and did not have a huge sense of entitlement. she seemed mature and nice and loving because she really was.

she was also real “good” at avoiding shit when she didnt have something tangible or obvious to gain. like, if she were in love with me and desperate to hold on to me, she would have done something.

when women really luv a man, they show it. they dont make things ridiculously, infuriatingly difficult for you. they make it EASY for you. note: not the same as making it easy to bang them……too many women give it up too fast and easy. when i say easy, i mean they are friendly and OPEN. they WANT to spend time with you. they arent constantly busting your balls and giving you TESTS. they are HAPPY to be with you and will let you know. by smiling at you, laughing at your stupidest jokes, gazing into your eyes, getting close to you, not treating you like you have ebola. not avoiding you all the time, or giving you excuses.

documentary on love shy incel virgin males, possibly some neets in there, women hate their entitled personalities and desire for nonfat women

http://pastebin.com/Q7BDknYY

here is a copy of the comments hehehehe

march 4

well apparently all these guys are creepy and woman hating and they also hate themselves and will take years of therapy to even start to heal their broken souls and maybe then they might be ready for fat old table scraps. then and only them. they are SO broken, SO far behind, that it would take YEARS for them merely to wake up, and then YEARS after that for them to actually change their behavior enough to pull fat old single mom table scraps hahaha.

not to dehumanize the fat old table scraps! i just dont want to marry them and have children with them and i dont even really want to date them or even bang them. i would rather be alone, and GOOD they say. i want to have actual feelings for a person like ive had in the past. maybe less DEBILITATING, but i DID like the CERTAINTY of it all. there was no ambiguity or maybes or waffling or on the fence or uncertainty. i was 100% ALL IN with the person. thats the way i wanna be with the woman i marry and have children with!

i dont want to have Loved OTHER women MORE than the woman I marry and have children with! its really not fair to HER! or the CHILDREN! or to me. its a lose lose lose lose lose situation! (assuming 3 children hahahaha)

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/does-she-me-1

“DOES SHE LIKE ME?” asks the secsually mature college aged kidult. hey i didnt know these things when i was 18 either, i only knew how to beat off to jooish filth aka porn. therefore i never learned how to talk to grills and i never went on to make white children.

anyway i would say, and this is a thought exercise because i want to see IF i know the correct answer before reading what alice says, which is sometimes accurate but oftentimes horribly degenerate and permissive and immoral.

ok, if she likes you she will be sending obvious signals and might get increasingly obvious until you notice them, if youre too autistic to notice them at first. or she might get bored and then lose all interest in you and not show you any signals any more.

basically she will WANT to hang out with you and will say YES when you invite her to hang out and NOT AVOID you. she will smile at you in a genuine way, maybe tilting the head, staring deeply into your eyes.

if you get closer to her, she will not pull away like you have a disease. but you should probably make the first move towards her. touching her and staring at her and such.

she will be OPEN to you and friendly and accomodating to you and not a yuuuuuuuuuge bitch. she will seem OPEN and not CLOSED to you, generally.

the article did not really say that but it didnt NOT say it either. it said it can be scary to put yourself out there for a possible rejection, yes VERY true, but we have to make ourselves open and vulnerable if we ever want to get Luv, also true.

mar 5

well thing is i am probably less love shy than these woman haters, because i have come CLOSE, several times, just never been able to Close The Deal. Luv Is For Closers. Wives are for Closers Only. i have opened Muh Heart and put myself out there…….i just keep getting rejected. probably because i am a classic Nice Guy and spark absolutely no attraction whatsoever on the part of the women. no tingles, no swooning, no sense of wanting or devotion or commitment. no tingle. no luv. no attraction. no attachment. no value. sometimes as a friend though, but never more. hehehe. i want to be more than friends with a woman some day!!!!!! well at least i can be even friends with a woman. i dont think the love shy incel woman haters can even do that, because they are too Dripping With Creepiness.

also i am not as weird looking and weird acting as they are. when i talk to people, i am not super duper WEIRD. i mainly come across as a little shy and quiet, and super NICE, but definitely not WEIRD. if anything i am a people pleaser and give the impression of wanting to be Liked and Accepted and Not Rejected hahahaha.

But Dripping and Reeking of Entitlement and Anger, not so much! I’ve been able to rein that stuff in in public hahaha.

google how to think fast and act cool under pressure when you have not had enough training

while bullshitting reasonable sounding explanations while sounding confident even though you have no idea what you are doing.

thinking of my Old Job once again hahahaha. You Just Do It because no one will show you how and theres no articles on the internet, videos on youtube, or threads on forums on these topics on the whole internet. i cant beleive it.

ok. heres what you do. you try to make everyone like you, so they invite you to Happy Hour after work. you eagerly accept and then spend a minimum of $50 on drinks for the coworkers. buy everyones affection. that way they will be willing to help you when you fook up on the job. they will be willing to train you to do your job. also try to get as much job training out of them while you are all at the bar drinking, because at work, you simply wont be able to Steal Their Time to get them to Show YOU how to do YOUR job which nobody trained YOU on because the company has determined that its not cost effective to TRAIN people, just throw them to the wolves and if they drown, fire them. and no one is there to teach you how not to drown. That’s where I come in. and tell you to spend fookloads of your hard earned money at the BAR essentially Bribing your Coworkers to talk to you about Work while at the Bar.

How do you get them to invite you to Happy Hour? ummmmm see who gets out at the same time you do and say “hey want to go to happy hour and i will buy you some dranks? I’d like to get to know my coworkers.” keep doing that until someone agrees. bonus points if you can get any of the Senior Team Members. They will know more, be smarter, AND their opinion of you REALLY matters. They will probably be 10 years younger than you, make $3 more an hour than you, not have to answer phones all day, and possibly have attractive gurlfrans hahahaha. bet you wish you knew what that felt like!

cuz see you can get to work early and stay late to shadow people and learn shit. but since they are still working, you wont be able to ask them questions about YOUR job, just watch them do THEIR job and hope is relevant. not that either you or them will know if its relevant.

Ooooooh heres an idea. Bribe a coworker who either starts or leaves in the middle of your shift, to come over and help you before or after their shift. give them money and or buy them lunch, dinner, and or dranks.

201 days since last contacted HER, 235 days since i last talked to her and shit ENDED.

i have definitely turned a corner and might be even 50% through it. but i am certainly not over here. i will not be over her until i have equal feelings towards another woman.

should you marry a woman if you still have feelings for a previous woman?

im talking about when you know youre getting old and you know your mate value is low and you’re not gonna get a GREAT woman, so you just have to SETTLE for the best you can get. you know you’re not gonna be HEAD OVER HEELS in LOVE with her. but then you say, is this REALLY the best i can do? even that damn MUDSHARK i loved more than this endomorphic, potato-shaped, stumpy, squat 35 year old single mother. who might be half lebanese hahahaha.

we have a lot of “LEBANESE.” for being such a small damn country. the lebanese seem to be christian or at least nonmuslim and often mix with whites to create swarthy mixed children who could pass for italian. dont get fooled. have them get a 23 and me.

but do you really DESERVE a 90% or more white wife? you might be white, but you’re still a loser, therefore, you deserve a white loser wife, at best.

i wandered into some degenerate filth on tumblr, which i forgot was FULL of degenerate filth. I found a degen camwhore who sorta looked like THAT WOMAN. OH GOD. and she posts all these degen pictures because she “Loves Secs and is a Secsual Goddess” and loves being fooked hard and being secsy for all the guys jerking off to her, who then post pictures of them jerking off to her pictures.

well i looked at it for longer than i should have but i did not really ACT on that looking. really i would have liked to keep the looking at under 10 seconds, rather than 5 minutes. i mean shit its been 159 days since i really looked at the filth. i want to get that filth out of my mind, its absolutely disgusting.

its sad that a 21 year old gurl, let alone any woman, any person, could/would think this is OK.

well i wont reset my counter, but i would if i had actually physically indulged in the degeneracy. although i did LOOK at it for TOO long.

i hope That Woman doesnt do filth like that!!!! now that she is on dating sites. giving those naughty bits to random men from the dating sites. o god. i would have given her naughty bits a hard masculine pounding but i would have given her luv and commitment too. thats hard to get from a guy like me hahaha who doesnt luv any women.

2016-03-05_19h22_04

http://www.rdos.net/eng/

take the Aspie Quiz!

turns out i am a total normie….well signif more normie than i am a sperg hahaha. an autist hahaha. now i picked a lot of middle of the road answers. for tests like this it helps to go to extremes so you can Discover Yourself.

karma is a BITCH! just like how on married at first site, neil divorced sam even though sam came around to him and changed herself and started being really nice to him. TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE, even if she was being genuinely nice. she was just SO bitchy to him in the beginning, and he did not like it. questioning his masculinity and such. to be sure, he was very faggy and not masculine at all.

yeah dont tell the people why youre dumping them. because you werent x y z enough. because YOU did something WRONG. this is YOUR fault. and then if they are like me, they will blame themselves for pushing the love of their life away.

but yeah its amazing how wrong things went. i liked having her in muh life. i cant believe it failed so fantastically. i was trying to help it fail better hahahaha.

also i feel more like a confident normie when i have a female friend. when i dont have any female friends, i feel like a total weirdo who doesnt know how to talk to gurls.

obviously the solution is to have MORE THAN ONE female friend in case one gets totally BTFO. then you can prove to yourself that you are still treated as a human being by women.

yes it does matter that these are friends and not family members hahahaha.

although it really sucks if your family is not good to you!

but yeah its still easy to remember the good times even though……..horry sheet….we are getting to the point where it will be TWO YEARS since we had good times. wow. that is just scary how much time of my life i wasted here.

well i “only” wasted 10 months. and then i’ve “wasted” like 8 months trying to Get Over It. so, 18 months. only a year anda half hahaha.

still i wish she had shown me a little more CONSIDERATION and KINDNESS. COME ON.

mar 6

yeah dont want to look at that filth. women shouldnt be DOING that, and men shouldnt be LOOKING at it. that is just a terrible mindset to be in. i hope my future wife has never done shit like that.

well i made spreadsheet of NET calories for each day since jan 1. NET meaning calories from food minus calories burned exercising that day, if any. then get 60, 66 days worth and really crunch some numbers. get the AVERAGE net calories over a LONG period of time. myfitnesspal does not LET you do this so i had to make this spreadsheet to tell me that as of today i am getting NET calories per day of 1173. wow not bad uh. so really i should be losing 2 pounds a week instead of 1.5 then right hahahaha.

yeah i wish i hadnt looked at that filth for so long. even just looking at it for 10 minutes is too much. you start to think all women are whores like that. yes you are a whore if you put pictures of yourself fooking a dildo on the internet.

well what if youre just showing your t1ts or showing an unspread undildoed vag? SLIPPERY SLOPE MAN. SO slippery, i’d say its practically the same thing. just a short matter of time.

i dont want to think average women would do this.

even if they DO, you are BETTER OFF NOT looking at it ever, and then dealing with their whorishness on an individual basis, like, telling women directly, dont be a whore. but dont look at evidence of their whorishness. i guess maybe you can actually bang them though. cuz that increases mans confidence.

looking a porno or even “erotica” just makes you hate women, and decreases confidence. better to just jerk off to your imagination instead, and not having your imagination perverted by that perversion.

yeah well it does to me at least. i hate that women are so dumb and immoral and weak and degenerate to do this. and its sad they dont have fathers who keep them from doing it.

yeah i did dumb degenerate shit when i was young too though. but theres something unique about exposing your “holy of holies” as a recreational pleasure zone for the express purposes of glorifying recreational sexs and getting horny guys to jerk off to you, putting it out there for EVERYONE to see. this should be a PRIVATE thing. have SOME humility and decency. this is the thing that creates life, and you put it up there on the internet getting POUNDED and CREAMED.

its degrading for everyone and its disturbing men watch so much of it so reguarly. its disturbing i watchd so much of it. it def fooked me up!

what if a woman wants to commit to you but you dont want to commit to her?

i havent had THAT happen yet, but i guess it could. if i could fall in luv with a female friend, ANYTHING can happen.

a womans commitment is a valuable thing. it means she luvs you and wont just up and LEAVE you. she will be willing to have your children and raise em up hahahaha. that is super valuable. and you want to have children! so shouldnt you have children with ANY woman who is WILLING to have children with you?

TECHNICALLY any woman who has SECS with you is saying they are willing to have children with you.

and women have casual secs with guys theyve just met.

so fooked up.

THE HUMAN LIFE CREATION PROCESS SHOULD NEVER BE CASUAL. IT IS INHERENTLY INTIMATE AND SERIOUS.

and dont show your babymaker and adjacent areas getting pounded and creamed on the internet for neets and degens to jerk off too.

Oneitis is actually true luv and is a GOOD thing, when its two-sided.

I am very regretful I fooked up my MIND by

  1. watching lots of porno in my youth
  2. and THEN when i wondered why i couldnt pull women, i DOUBLED DOWN by reading tons of game and pua stuff. that only made the problem worse.

tons of porno > incel > tons of game/pua reading > bad bad way to be. you get permanently fooked up and takes a lot of hard work just to get back to neutral.

now game isnt ALL bad. if you can filter out the wheat from the chaff. look for the stuff that befits a healthy, traditional, moral, white man.

its IMPOSSIBLE to filter out the chaff though when you are coming from the Frustrated Porno Incel mindset I was in, and which probably 80% of people who read a lot of Game are in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

good point! hahahaha

when i watched that pornographic stuff the other day, i could only think of That Woman and how I REALLY wanted to be getting intimate with HER, and it wouldnt be degenerate at all. then i think of her giving her Genitals to some Tinder Badboy and feeling jealous and disgusted that he gets to experience that, and that she is being such a dumb whore.

cuz i still have a libido thank GOD…….i am just starting to appreciate it as a Sacred Vehicle for Gods Love, a tool of Life Creation that you share only with the woman you Luv. like I did for her. Sacred Gods Love.

and of course watching porno completely kills that view of secs as special and sacred and turns it into j00ish hedonist degenerate muh dick, if it feels good do it.

whereas it should be a symbol of luv and intimacy and pair bonding, which is WAS, for me re her, and for her to give it away in that degenerate sense is just heartbreaking.

i mean yeah i would have gotten pretty perverted with her. done everything you can imagine with her. recreationally even! using a rubber to signal my intention that i dont WANT this to be Procreative Secs! but i would also treat it as an intimacy building thing, a love strengthening thing. like lifting weights for luv. getting your Luv Muscle SWOLE AF.

but yeah even watching a LITTLE porn is bad. eschew this degeneracy completely, cold turkey. i hadn’t looked at something that bad in MONTHS yet i could already feel my brain rewiring itself back to the old bad ways.

you shouldnt see this stuff unless it is being given to you in real life by a real woman, pref one you have a Real Rel with. to present it in any other way is degrading. and even somewhat vanilla softcore tumblr camwhoring is degrading af. and then think about the REALLY degrading shit. horry sheet.

march 7

yeah i think i am making some definite progress in getting over HER and she is seeming more like a fading memory. which is good. well i mean id still be with her. maybe in 10 years when she is an old catlady with baby rabies she will coyly contact me to see if im married, and then i will have my chance to bang her, after she’s past the Wall and she probably has some bastard kids, possibly half black, and she doesnt look nearly as good as she does now. older and fatter and uglier. and has been with way more men and has certainly gotten crazier. yeah sign me up for that.

women need their fathers to help them pick a good man.

htt   ps://radio.therightstuff.biz/2016/03/02/the-fatherland-episode-16-car-talk/

see this episode of the fatherland hahaha. also good talk on women “settling.” because they overestimate their own declining value and are holding out for “mr big”, or their ((((soulmate)))), or a guy who gives them more “tingles” hehehe while totally dumping good beeta provider good father types. their father would say, i dont care that this guy is not an exciting badboy, hes a good man, and i should know, marry him and have some kids and in a few years youll thank me. YOURE WELCOME. dont ride the carousel like a slut.

anyway. not much left to say about it hahahaha. as time passes its obvious that she was the bad guy and was being super UNFAIR to me. she was being more unfair to me than i was being to her. i didnt EXPECT her to luv luv me. I just EXPECTED her to not avoid me, and to Talk to me about ending our Rel. That is not unfair at all! its fair AF!!!!

meanwhile she cuts me off and lets me fall off the cliff while flailing my arms. lets me drown while i flail my arms when she could have thrown me a life preserver. just turns her back and walks away on somebody that was important in her life.

shit yeah its very disorienting. turns your world upside down. how she could be so nice and kind and loving when we were Just Friends, but treat me COMPLETELY differently when i started showing her some Interest.

well she would say I was treating HER completely differently. kind of, yes, ok fine. but it was in a positive and open way, hers was in a closed and negative way. how is it so hard to say Aw Im Sorry?

Even if she was too Overwhelmed to say it, why not just signal it? signal warmth and kindness to me rather than coldness and hatred?

mixed in with mixed messages like “you are a good friend” and “yes of course well hang out soon” and “i miss you too.” i took those as signals of warmth.

but yeah she was overwhelmed and Just COuldnt. I Cant Even. that’s all it was. something so simple, but had such devastating consequences.

just give me a little recognition that this is TUFF for me.

understand this is not the best way to exit a rel. that there is a better, more mature, less hurtful way of doing it.

show me just a LITTLE kindness. the fact that we had a REAL friendship kinda DOES “entitle” me to that. you arent some random slut to me and im not some random chad to you. respect that we were once important to each other. respect the long term relship. respect me as a person. just because i changed towards you doesnt mean i stopped respecting you as a person. i never wanted to hurt you. i wish you had shown ANY effort in not wanting to hurt ME. any effort at all. cuz whether you WANTED to or not, you still hurt me. at least give some sign that you dont MEAN to hurt me. give me SOMETHING, ANYTHING.

recognize that its HARD to LOSE someone whos IMPORTANT to you. damn. it doesnt matter that you were more important to me than i was to you. i used to be important to you! you changing how important you find me does not absolve you of the responsibilities of treating me like a human being with a heart and soul and feeeeelings!

anyway i am just concerned with how to learn things FAST. learn complicated confusing things FAST and then multitask them while explaining them. without having to ask for help. without getting flustered. and withstanding this all day every day.  how to fake confidence.

well i would say fake confidence with a slow yet not monotone voice; by bullshitting and always covering your ass; and using flashcards to memorize facts fast, even if they dont mean anything to you yet.

yes but HOW do yu bullshit and cover your ass effectively?

how do you maintain your sexual morality when no women are sexually moral? how do you treat sex as special and sacred when all women are promiscuous whores who treat sex like recreational hedonism?

in other words, how do you turn a degen woman into a nondegen? how do you live with degen women when you are trying to be nondegen?

taking into account that All Women prefer Experienced and Confident men…..

well what about tim tebow? he made a big deal about wanting to stay a virgin till marriage but because he was a secsy pro sportsball aflete, cute young gurls were literally throwing themselves at him, would have no problem marrying him.

http://pastebin.com/raw/RMfpQP8n

because i cant archive TRS forum posts cuz you have to be logged in hahaha

so technically i am breaking their OPSEC well i am sorry goys

a 16 year old virgin boy on TRS was asking the valid question, should i just bang some random slut now, or wait for somebody i truly like. we all know what the nondegenerate choice is, but… he worries about being a 30 year old virgin hahahahahaha. i am not a 30 year old virgin but kinda close to it. i am older than 30 and i have only have secs with 1 gurl, 2 times. it is not easy for manlet beetas to get secs. so i would say, just TRY it, make sure you are Protected, and if you dont really like it, THEN wait for somebody you actually like instead of some random dirty skank who gives it to everybody. which is what all women really are anyway hahahahahaha sort of kidding.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/pornography-to-abstain-how/10412/15

QUOTE

The problem is deeper than blocking access. The problem is the desire to see it. We are proud white people who believe life is sacred, including the reproductive act. Now that’s not to say we don’t occasionally have a moment of weakness or confusion, but something that we know is wrong should not be a regular part of our life. The question I ask when I’m tempted is “Why do I want to see this when I know it’s wrong?” Those who control our culture make it a point of pride to give in to every base urge. Pornography trains us to do this by appealing to the most powerful urge of all. By fighting this temptation, you’re defeating the enemy’s most potent weapon and strengthening your own constitution, becoming a better, stronger man. The more you reflect on this, the less you will be tempted, and the freer you will become. The desire itself will actually go away. At least, it did for me. Hope this is helpful.

That’s right. Just remember. The j wants you watching porn and idly fapping away at degenerate sexual acts. They want your brain seared with disgusting imagery so you can not have healthy loving relationships with the opposite sex. Remember it is as much a weapon as a gun or a vial of poison. It is literally turning you into a depraved human being that is wasting time you should be spending on improving your self and mingling with real life females.

It’s so disgusting to see the way males in public (even whites these days) ogle women and their body parts like they are pieces of meat. It’s obviously because they stare at porn for hours on end. You expect it from negros and beaners but come on white man. Have some respect and have some chivalry.

That’s another good point about ogling and objectifying. I’ve had grown men I work with showing pictures of the wives and girlfriends body parts on their phones. They stick it in my face and say “Check this out!” I sez “Man, I’m 37 years old!” “Yeah so?” “So is it really still that exciting?!”

Yeah we all found porno magazine here and there growing and were captivated to some degree. But then I figured we grew up. We got white males, fully grown, running around showing each other “boobies” like teenagers.

END

Daily Stormer i havent read their board that much but i totally respect them and Andrew Anglin, who is even shorter than me hahahaha. I dont care if he banged an asian gurl once [not entirely proven, just pictures of him with asian gurls] and I believe he deserves a good white wife and white children. i would like to see him more on TRS but he is busy with his own thing. But I totally support DS, i just read TRS moar. and by read i mean i listen to the fatherland, the shoah, and read the forum. I would send DS dnations if i had a real income. and of course TRS, probably mill woes, that nationalist woman in sweden with 8 white kids whos husband was arrested for hate speech, the white farmers in south africa, etc.

high school kid says its so easy to get secs when you are young, you just text a slut dtf and she says ok. and you are banging a 17 year old gurl!!!!!! course this is coming from the tall handsome confident 17 year old boy hahahaha.

well i am glad i banged a gurl before age 25. because thats when your brain gets locked in. so if i can get a gurl to do recreational reproduction with me before 25, i have some kind of game locked in, and i should be able to get Action AFTER 25. i just havent yet hahahaha.

now if you are SO autistic you cant get laid by 25, then thats hopeless. i guess get a hooker at age 24, but thats not gonna teach you much about Game and Talking To Gurls. Well I guess if you got GFE hookers where you talk to the hooker before the secs.

well its ALL fookin degenerate. Porno, and also Game PUA. it was TERRIBLE that i went though BOTH phases because that is the most j00ified, degen regression ever. PUA is basically taking a pornographic approach to life and finding the most pornified degen crazy bitches.

101 IQ / MONOGAMY IS MISOGYNY

0130

yeah buddy.

today i learned to never put bananas in the freezer to make them last longer. and then take a banana out and put it in the fridge overnight to “defrost” it, and it should be Good 2 Go the next day. NO IT WILL NOT. it will have brown skin and the banana inside will be TOTAL MUSH.

you can keep bananas in the fridge but never put them in the freezer ever.

when you have secs or even just cuddle with someone, you start to feel a CLOSENESS with them. IMHO this is Nature TELLING you something, and it is BAD to ignore it. say, oh, thats just an ARCHAIC ARTIFACT our brains have not evolved out of YET, but we SHOULD, because we dont live in caves any more, and casual sex is fun! so when you get feelings from casual sex, just be logical, say well i dont even KNOW this person, and realize you have to reprogram your brain so that it gets used to casual sex. our brains didnt evolve for casual sex….YET, but we can push them that way!

yeah i dont think we CAN or SHOULD.

i mean casual sex is like the root cause of sluts. because sluts think they can have secs with whomever, whenever, and its all just fun. if thats not CASUAL secs i dont know what is!

so yeah i am  an (anti) CASUAL SECS CRUSADER!!!!!!!!!!

well i had my own bad habits too. so maybe  deserve no better than a reformed slut. yeah i guess i could lower muh standards and live with that hahaha. so long as she was TRULY reformed!!!! and said yes i am honestly ashamed of what i did, heres why its wrong, and i will never go back to that way of life again!

because i feel the same way about my degeneracy. yeah it was a phase, but it was a BAD phase and im ashamed of it and never want to go back to it! and i dont think it was NECESSARY! i wish i had NEVER gone through it! i regret it! i didnt learn anythign or become a better person because of it. i wish i had avoided it altogether.

and so i think a truly reformed and rehabilitated slut will feel the same way about her slut period. wishes she had NEVER BEEN a slut, just like i wish i had NEVER BEEN a degen.

https://voat.co/v/relationships/comments/803861

i forgot that voat is a thing, it looks and works like reddit but is less degen and antimale and antiwhite and sjw-y. better smarter people in other words. i THINK.  it doesnt have nearly as many users but i am CAUTIOUSLY optimistic it will survive. basically a reddit alternative to smart elite 115 IQ people like us who cringe in disgust at reddit hahahaha.

edit: since it is such a small community, there are not a lot of comments, and this damn degen polyamorist woman keeps showing up more than i would like with her degenerate point of view. and is not getting downvoted into oblivion like she should be hahahaha. so this particular subverse may be too tolerant of degeneracy.

http://www.gotoquiz.com/how_much_of_a_cuck_are_you_1

https://www.voat.co/v/relationships/comments/292352

guy in a rel with a depressed gf who refuses to get help

oh well why doesnt he just dump her because its never worth working on anything with someone.

that or its his fault she is derpressed and he needs to step his game up and work harder.

hahahaha.

no they advise that she needs to get into counseling, he will probably need to make the appointment for her to get her started, and that if she refuses to cooperate, thats a legit dealbreaker.

heh. i am so CUCKED that if a gurl shows interest in other guys, i will say, ok, go hang out with him, go fook him, just make sure you make him wear a condo, and PLZ DONT DUMP ME. im not thrilled with you being with other guys but i know i dont OWN you and if this is what you need to do to make you happy and not dump me…..

and then get dumped anyway for NOT BEING THRILLED about their Polyamory hahahahahaha. i have to let them fook other people AND i have to be HAPPY about it. SORRY I cant see myself EVER being THAT cucked. thank GOD!!!!!!!!!!!

but yeah. i honestly thought she cared for me more. than i MEANT more to her, that i was more IMPORTANT in her life, that she could NEVER do something this bad to somebody that IMPORTANT to her.

and i KNOW i USED to be IMPORTANT to her because we were friends for a damn long time, and she told me i was important to her, and i believed it, and felt it!!!!! and we BOTH knew we were going through a rough patch here and probably needed to end……… but that still doesnt explain how a person just LOSES VALUE to you. you might not love or like them any more but at least recognize their VALUE as a person. their WORTH. you might feel differently about them but they’re not WORTH any less. and she treated me like i was WORTHLESS. and i was mind blown by, how can i be worth a LOT to her one year, then WORTHLESS to her no more than 1 year later???!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

i just wish she hadn’t treated me like i was SO WORTHLESS when she dumped me. she could have dumped me without treating me as WORTHLESS.

when someone is WORTH a LOT to you, and you are worth NOTHING to them. and you thought you were worth a lot more to them. because you knew them for YEARS and were friends for a long time. damn.

SHE BETRAYED ME A LOT MORE THAN I BETRAYED HER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do I SEEK people that are BAD for me? people that are immature and crazy and that will hurt me?

i dont think so, because the previous woman, woman2012, woman….5 i think? was mature and well adjusted and dumped me in a good way. she was a good choice for me.

also this other gurl that i liked and would have dated and had a crush on her in like 2006-7. but i had no chance because she moved to a diff state soon after i met her. we just hung out a couple times and got along real well and she was real nice to me and she was cute and nonslutty and my type of girl. plus i think she would have been mature enough to dump me in a respectful way hahahahaha.

i took her out of the numbered women lineup simply because we were never THAT close. we could have been though. there was GREAT potential.

i also took out the woman i “liked” directly after her, who was a crazy disgusting mudshark whore who was an great example of me being attracted to the Wrong people sometimes.

but woman2015, i didnt think she was the WRONG person. i thought she was a RIGHT person. she didnt seem to be CRAZY and FOOKED UP. Sure she had some daddy issues but they didnt turn her into a crazy slut. i thought she was pretty uncrazy. but what she did here drove ME fooking crazy. i honestly did not see this coming. i did not expect this out of her. she wasnt a bipolar borderline slut. she seemed STABLE.  damn.

well i had never had this done to me before. i had no idea it would hurt so bad. and i had no idea SHE would do it to me.

well thing is i think i still do mean something to her, shes just TOO SCARED to do the right thing. she is the type to get scared and run away all the time. unless the shit is unavoidable.  like she is totally in luv with someone, or lives with someone, etc.

like if i lived with her, it would be physically impossible for her to do this to me.

well, i worked with her every day, youd think that would be bad enough. youd THINK.

she didnt think this through. but when do women ever think things through? and how can the world exist when all women just dont think? BECAUSE MEN DO THEIR THINKING FOR THEM. Women face no consequences for their own bad choices, men shoulder those responsibilities too hahahah . well except if a woman has a bastard baby with a deadbeat. in some of those cases, women do actually face consewuences for bad decisions.

well except when it comes to like voting, in that case, our antiwhite enemies, do their thinking for them. yes shiksas vote for abortion and more gibs 4 single mothers hahahaha. you are a stronk independent woman dont need no man.

i am just pissed that she faces NO CONSEQUENCES FOR THIS. she doesnt feel bad, she doesnt know she did anything wrong, she still thinks I am a piece of shit and i deserved it, and she did something AWFUL, and has NO CLUE, and will probably do something like this AGAIN to some other poor sap and STILL not face consequences for it.

well life isnt fair. sometimes people DONT face consequences for doing horrible things.

heh. i should stop smoking cigarets altogether but i really dont smoke that many, less than half a pack a week atm. so today i go out to my fav tobacco store and it is closed due to fire damage. havent been there in months. funny thing is there is an Abortionist in the same plaza about 3 doors down and they were still open. but the place right next door to it was not. hehehehe. well thank magic black science man the babykiller is still open hahahahahahahahaha. i then went to another tobacco shop and the arab employees were talkign really loud in arabic hahahaha.

also i am CERTAIN the southeast asian community ie vietnamese, thai, laos, cambodians etc have been steadily increasing in our area, probably in all areas. are they better or worse than chinese? probably worse hahahaha.

heheheh woman writes in complaining about infidelity or wandering eye from man. response: dump the pig!

man writes in about woman wanting to not be exclusive. response: shame on you! you dont own her! she can do what she wants with her hot body! dont try to control her you abusive pig!

https://iy.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/43fiyi/ex_22f_who_cheated_and_left_me_25m_for_that/

oh wow reddit actually gives good advice. young man’s gf cheat on him, lies to him, leaves him for other man, now she contacts him and wants to be Just Friends. should he accept! and reddit tells him NO. FOOK THAT BITCH. when i was expecting reddit to say of courshe! whats wrong with wanting to be friends? arent you MATURE enough to be friends? she could be a wonderful friend! and when did she ever agree to an exclusive rel? it wasnt actually cheating in the first place! and other such DEGENERATE “advice.” but reddit actually said something reasonable here hahahaha.

https://iy.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/437td5/my_24_m_so_21_f_is_asking_me_if_its_ok_if_she/

has a great response in there:

QUOTE

YourWebcamIsOn 5 points 22 hours ago
look, dude. she’s cheated before and now she wants to use her looks to get attention from men. oh yes, she just wants their money, riiiiiiight. This slippery slope couldn’t get any slicker if you turned it vertical and coated it in Teflon doused with Astroglide.
Next thing you’ll hear from her is “well, you didn’t give me enough attention and you made me feel bad about trying to get free drinks, so I went to the bar and when this cute guy offered me a drink, then another and another I just couldn’t say no and then we had sex in the bathroom and it all just happened so fast and I didn’t mean to, but this is your fault…”

END

hahahahaha. well memed. anyway.

so just think about it. if i posted my shit on a forum what would they say? theyd say exactly what id expect them to say. thought exercise. that it was kinda shitty for her to shut me down in that way. but shitty things happen, life isnt fair, people hurt other people, and just try to learn from this, know that all women arent like that, dont let it make you hate all women, and move on, dont waste your time with somebody who has such little respect for you.  the end.

they might disagree on whether i NEEDED to have a talk with them. well, you were giving her hints, she was picking them up, and avoiding you like the plague. that means she wasnt into you and didnt want to talk about it. yeah communication is good but that was her form of communication. which kinda sucks but theres nothing you can do about it. should have just started distancing yourself from her. you didnt really NEED to blurt it out, she was already telling you the answer, and even if you ARE autistic, it looks like you read her signals correctly.

http://www.seemypersonality.com/Personality-Report?u=sIQx3x5346921-2165816x089f3x1#tab-1

noooo this one says i have an iq of 101 holy shit and this covers more than pattern recognition

this is terrible. i put a lot of importance on intelligence and iq and figured it was one of the only skills i had. and to find out i am COMPLETELY AVERAGE is pretty disappointing. and i KNOW i USED to be smarter when i was young! but i lost at LEAST 10% of my intelligence through my degen lifestyle of MJ and alcohol and emotional bullshit!!!!!!

AT LEAST 10%!!!!!!!!!!

i had to be at LEAST 120 or 125 when i was young!

I coulda been a phd! i coulda been an stemgineer hahahaha now i cant be anything cuz i r 2 dumm.

how the fook can i be 101! i was disappointed with 115 and wanted to take another bullshit free online iq test to get a higher score! not a LOWER one! not one that is PERFECTLY AVERAGE!

muh intelligent brain was THE ONLY THING I HAD TO OUTCOMPETE OTHERS! and the idea that i am AVERAGE INTELLIGENCE is just very heartbreaking and discouraging hahahaha.

like fooook. this was ALL I HAD. im below average everywhere else: work ethic, charisma, outgoingness. but AT LEAST i am SUPER smart. and to think i may not be super smart at ALL.

well at least i am not BELOW AVERAGE for whites hahahahahaha.

also im sure a lot of it i did to myself with MJ and alcohol before age 25. shit.

shit. i mean i know i did a stupid major in college but i didnt think you could get INTO the college i did with a lousy 101 iq!!!!! although that college thought iq b racis n sheeeeit. and back then i probably had an iq well over 101 hhahaha.

so stupid.

common courtesy. if someone begs you for mercy, try to show them a little more mercy. unless they raepd and killed your family. NOT if they gradually came to get feelings for you after being friends for a while jeez.

what do white men with 101 IQ do with their lives? well they probably shouldnt go to college and they certainly couldnt be doctors, lawyers, engineers, scientists, professors. but they could sure go to trade school and with hard work, rise to the top there! become a master electrician or plumber and own their own business ultimately and make well over 150k  a year! provided they dont get sidetracked with drugs or alcohol or gambling or alimony or other shit.

could they go to college and get a business degree? probably! could they use it to actually make 40k a year? MAYBE. it would help alot if they had good social skills, charisma, game.

i thought that it was the TRADEOFF for me having bad social skills and bad game, that i then had EXTRAORDIARY intelligence. not ORDINARY intelligence!!!!!

you cant be socially awkward AND Just Plain Average intelligence!!!!!! that is a recipe for total failure if i ever heard of one! maybe thats why i am indeed a total failure hahahaha.

i mean you dont need higher than a 101 IQ to do perfectly fine in life: get a decent job, get a decent wife, 3 or more kids.

fook. you just think that if you’re DUMBER, then you are also more mentally/emotionally stable/well adjusted. its a sign of intelligence to be CRAZY in other words.

but maybe its NOT hahahahah. to be dumb AND crazy hahaha. what a shit sandwich.

heh. an ounce of cereal has more calories than an ounce of nonlean (80/20) ground beef.

i am on a Beef Diet right now. just eat straight up beef. with minimal bread or grains. basically stuff as much beef as humanly possible into a tortilla.

im just sick of bitches dumping ME, and me getting my heart broke, and getting SET BACK with despair and failure and shit, and they just keep getting ahead in life, and feel no remorse hahahaha.

well the other bitches felt some remorse so good for them. but they still became successful and respected hahaha.

this one was the WORST. and see i thought she was the BEST. she was BETTER than any woman i had ever met, otherwise we wouldnt get along so well and become such good friends.

and then she went and did the WORST thing to me any woman has ever done, become essentially the WORST woman i ever met. and i never saw it coming. there were no real red flags. there were yellow flags that i investigated and gave the all clear. there was nothing indicating she would just throw a person away like this, i had never known her to do it before. foooooooook.

well at least then i cant really blame myself for “I SHOULDA SEEN IT COMING A MILE AWAY.” Nope. no way I COULD have.

so if anything that reflects even MORE poorly on her. like way to really spring this on this guy. not like i was SPRINGING my feelings on her. i told her in december “you are really important to me, and I hope we can hang out more and become even closer friends in 2015 if you are willing.” hehehehe pretty dead giveaway amirite? that is like the clearest signal there ever was.

OBVIOUSLY i am hung up on this. it takes time to get over hardcore shit.

BUT WHAT DO I KNOW, I ONLY HAVE A 101 IQ. I am not as smart as i thought i was, and that was the ONLY thing i had any confidence in hahhahahaha.

i am SO fooking neurotic and crazy that youd think i would HAVE to be J00ish. its unfortunate.  thing is, even if i were 1/8 J’ish, i’m still as neurotic as a FULL BLOWN J. besides, I’m more than likely no more than 1/16 J’ish, and even thats a high estimate, i am probably 99.9999999% white. i am more likely to have……i dunno. a black? a turk/saracen? somewhere in there. i mean i come from really good stock. thats why its extra super disappointing i turned out the way i did hahahahaha.

ok time to go to the fatclub and look at promiscuous 20 year old girls with skintight pants and dead souls hahahahahaha. and half of them are not white enough for me hahahahaha. arabs and turks. semites and saracens hahahaha.

0131

heh i keep forgetting that im just an average idiot. well i WAS smart when i was 18 i can say!

ok when you do incline on the treadmill you have to NOT hold on to the rail or else it negates it somehow. i have a bad habit of holding onto the rail .

shit. maybe i was so confused at my job simply because i WASNT THAT SMART and i couldnt figure out the god damn problems because i didnt have the BRAINPOWER.

but i did top 10% in high school, i got admitted to a pretty selective college, people thought i was pretty smart, I thought i was pretty smart, basically my smart brain was the ONLY advantage i had in this world! how could I be just average 101 iq! average normies usually arent all crazy and awkward and creepy and autistic and spergy and weird. their social skills and people skills and emotional stability make up for their lack of brilliant intelligence.

well the reasonable thing to say is DONT TRUST FREE ONLINE IQ TESTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so i have seen my iq estimated at 101, 115, and around 130. wtf. 130 estimate comes from my actual ACT score. but should i trust that conversion process which estimates your IQ from you ACT score???!?!?!?!

also i got an A or an A+ in calculus 2. and i also got A’s in computer programming 2. i think that should count for something! this was AFTER i destroyed my mind with drinking and MJ!

shit. she was just being a BASIC BITCH to me, showing me none of the goodwill i thought our relationship entitled both of us to. she was just a basic bitch treating me like a basic beta orbiter. completely disregarding that we were real people who knew each other for YEARS.

that feel when someone who USED to like hanging out with you, now doesnt want to hang out with you at ALL, avoids you like the PLAGUE. it is not a confidence builder hahahaha. now they invite other cooler people to things they would have invited you to in the past, that they dont even tell you about now.  it just hurts to be pushed out of somebodys life, to be DOWNGRADED, and ultimately disposed of. how is that SO HARD for the jury of women in muh head to UNDERSTAND hahahaha.

maybe super promiscuous women would be better at dumping men in a good way, because they have been with SO MANY men. so they know the right way to dump them hahahaha. so maybe i should aim for promiscuous women hahahaha an avoid nonpromiscuous women hahahahaa.

ive never had a woman get so UPSET with me prior to the end of the rel. usually the woman has enough sense to realize that ending the rel will hurt me and upset ME, so they do it gently. here, she was mad and cold and distant for months leading up to the end. so she thinks she doesnt owe it to be nice to me when dumping me, because i was a horrible piece of shit who MADE her do this.

and i hate people getting upset at me when i am not trying to upset them.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/43gjoi/me_22_m_with_my_now_ex_24_f_she_cheated_sort_of/

” After a long talk she tells me that she assumed I knew that we had broken up months ago and were just living together as roommates. ”

SHE BLAMES HIM FOR NOT KNOWING THEY WERE “BROKEN UP” EVEN THOUGH SHE NEVER TOLD HIM THEY WERE BROKEN UP, SHE JUST EXPECTED HIM TO KNOW THAT THEY WERE DONE. YET STILL LIVING TOGETHER. hehehehehe. she expected him to know that they were finished. even though she NEVER TOLD HIM i wannt break up with you. wtffffffffffffffffffffff.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/43fywj/i_25_m_was_dumped_1_yr_ago_by_my_gf_23f_of_seven/

guy wants closure, is despairing after about a year, just cant get over it, she is now quickly engaged to some new guy.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/43cm45/my_20_m_girlfriend_19_f_broke_up_with_me_a_few/

hahahaha now this guy writes a BOOK how CREEPY guys that are this CREEPY deserve to be alone their entire lives and deserve to be dumped!

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4391db/me_30_mf_with_my_wife_31_f_16_years_my_wife_is/

gf of 16 years just wants to walk out with no explanation, no effort, reddit says that sucks but just let the bitch walk, you deserve better, good advice reddit hahahaha

oh its his fault because he wasnt EXCITING or FUN enough because he was being the Support. but he wasnt being fun, exciting, or ambitious on himself. of COURSE she got bored and wants to leave him. who wants to be SUPPORTED hahahaha.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/42bn9y/i_20f_hung_out_with_a_guy_24m_off_tinder_no/

idiot nerd slut is confused because super awkward beta nerd doesnt know how to make secscual moves on the FIRST DATE and she asks if shes friendzoned.  these young women think its WEIRD to not get physical on the FIRST DATE. never even THINK the guy might a. be awkward b. not like SLUTS who PUT OUT on the first date hahahaha

Don’t make a priority of someone who makes you an option.

well thats a good lesson hahahahaha. and for her I WASNT EVEN AN OPTION ANY MORE.

i didnt realize that though. i didnt realize how close she was to being 100% done with the whole thing. i thought she still had SOME care for me as a person. because WHO WOULDNT? ive NEVER wanted to just be DONE with somebody without considering their feelings!

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/42eqva/what_my_boyfriend_23m_views_as_the_silent/

he views it as silent treatment from her, she views it as cooling off period.

it only lasts for a few hours. its a cooling off period. silent treatment is when they AVOID or IGNORE you and talking to you for DAYS and might continue to do so FOREVER.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/41atej/i_29_m_confronted_my_girlfriend_29_f_about_her/

guy is starting to get jealous because his longterm gf is texting with a male friend which borders on “an emotional affair”. some decent noncuck advice from reddit. ie, this isnt right, you shouldnt have to put up with this….not SHE CAN DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS! MONOGAMY IS MISOGYNY!!!! HOW COULD YOU EXPECT SOMEONE TO HAVE SECS WITH ONLY YOU THE REST OF THEIR LIFE?! HUMAN BEINGS ARE NOT A MONOGAMOUS SPECIES!

basically ive found that ((((REDDIT)))) is not as degen and antimale as i thought they were, in terms of defending good men in the face of evil unfaithful women hahahaha.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/43k7lq/im_very_confused_everything_was_going_great_until/

young collegeboi meets a Gr8 Gurl, everything is going great, he starts getting feelings….and she says NOPE just not ready for a rel right now see ya. this happens all the time. well at least they didnt have SECS because most gurls would have had SECS in this time becuase its just FUN.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/40caow/bf_30_m_gives_me_23_f_silent_treatment_for_days/

like this guy gives the silent treatment for days and sounds like a real asshole hahahaha.

https://dg.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/43lhnh/im_23_m_in_love_with_my_friend_25_f_for_5_months/

well i GUESS im glad i am not alone in shit getting COMPLICATED. this guy feel in love with his female friend, who just had a bad breakup with her shitty boyfraind, they broke up 10 times before, and during a recent breakup, the OP and his female friend “FOOLED AROUND” whether that means secs or just making out. anyway now hes in luv with her, shes probably for real done with the dbag bf, the OP is honest with her about his feelings, like yeah i like you, but it doesnt look hopeful. well i am sure she is confused right now too. but i would not like her to immeidately start fooking some other guy, without giving her friend OP a CHANCE.  cuz they already get along, he gets along with her mom, and he would treat her right.

heh. i created a reddit account just to upvote and save this one.

apparently a good move is to ask the girl to hang out…….but this time as an official date. heh. i dont know how you do that, when previously you have hung out As Friends. then as you start liking her, you get more NErvous abotu hanging out. Then what do you say….wanna hang out…..but this time as a Date?

heh. i was trying to do this anyway and she just avoided the shit out of it. i said heavily suggestive shit like “i wanna take you out to a fancy restaurant, im buying 🙂 ” and shit like that. rather than well lets hang out and go to dinner at normie platonic restaurant hahahaha. she had to have gotten the hint, and her putting it off was her way of saying NO. i didnt read it that way at the time though. i thought….well shes not saying NO! so in a little bit of TIME she WILL be ready and willing!

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/41nvv4/my_so_27m_of_twoish_years_is_giving_me_24f_the/

” People are endlessly fickle. The test of whether somebody really is interested in you is if they want to spend actual real time with you, texting is dangerous in my opinion for tending to create false intimacy. Be straight with her, tell her you want to meet up and spend time together on a date at a specific time. If she does not go for it I think you need to back off on the heavy texting because it is creating false hope. ”

good advice there. i think i was vulnerable to that cuz we were texting a lot but not hanging out at all, and the TEXTING gave me false hope.

its amazing how people can do things like text you every day, have SECS with you, yet they feel nothing for you. basically doing very intimate THINGS but with no intimacy invested from them. well, not that texting is inherently intimate, but i think secs IS or SHOULD BE. and i think the fact that we were texting almost every day helped me build up false hope and feel closer than we were. i wish she had either stopped responding to me or she had just agreed to HANG OUT WITH ME tho. like the guy above says, texting can go both ways. best thing is if they actually want to hang out with you.

https://rr.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3og7cj/i_26f_have_stupidly_strong_feelings_for_my_best/

search feelings for friend in the /rel subreddit

see, women get feelings for their MALE friends ALL THE TIME!!!!

https://rr.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/421ju9/i_26f_confessed_i_had_feelings_for_my_close/

here a woman got feelings for a male friend and HE got MAD at HER hehehehe

https://rr.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/s42vu/strong_feelings_for_my_best_friend_are_driving_me/

but yeah its kinda nice knowing that over 100 iq average normiefags can still fall in LUV and it drives them a little crazy. and they write loooooonnnnnnnggggggg posts on reddit. i thought i was the only one that wrote LONG shit. nope. if the person has feelings and is really invested, they will hae a LOT to say, not necessarily coherent, but just a LOT on their mind!!!!

https://rr.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/25uwg9/i_21m_told_feelings_for_best_friend_20f_got/

” spicewoman 9 points 1 year ago
OP, I’ve had a similar situation with a long-time friend before. We had a platonic friendship for a long time (like you) before I developed feelings, and eventually reached the point where I felt I had to say something. It was the not-knowing that was driving me crazy, once we talked it out and I got him to be very clear that he did not return my feelings, it was actually surprisingly easy for me to get over it and move on.
My feelings have genuinely returned to platonic (I can’t even picture being more than friends with him nowadays, I have zero attraction and it would be weird as hell), and we’re still good friends to this day.
One of the important points to discuss with your best friend, if you didn’t already, is to be very clear that these feelings are recent. One of the issues that friendships have with this sort of thing, is that the target of your affection can feel like the friendship was a lie under false pretenses. It feels uncomfortable because it can make them question everything about your friendship up to that point. If you feel you need some time, absolutely communicate that, that you want to take some time to get over it so you can readjust to being platonic friends.
It’s up to her on her end how she reacts to all this, but if you’re really such good friends and she’s a mature and thoughtful person, she’ll be able to appreciate the honesty and the risk you took, and as long as you don’t try to pressure or guilt trip her over this, she should still be able to value you as a friend in the future once you’ve taken the time you need.   ”

well i tried to make it VERY VERY VERY clear that these feelings were recent and that the friendship was not under false pretenses, cuz i totally understood how that could be a concern. but i dont know if she read that or believed it when i sent her that message.

umm i never actually pressured her or guilt tripped her to have feelings for me, however i did pressure her to hang out with, communicate, and respond to me, because she was just avoiding me altogether and i wish she would just talk to me. but i was very clear in saying “i accept you dont have feelings for me, just please respond to me and lets try to End This Rel In A Better Way, i feel you are Throwing Me Away Like A Piece of Garbage and that hurts a lot, can you please respond to me and try to i dunno tell me you didnt mean to throw me away like a piece of garbage?”

thats all it boils down to. NOBODY likes getting thrown away like a piece of garbage. by a good friend they got feelings for. who is responding to them putting their heart out on the line and going All In, by Throwing Them Away like a piece of garbage.

the right thing to do is to say, AWWWWW IM SORRY. THIS MUST BE REALLY DIFFICULT FOR YOU. I APPRECIATE THE COURAGE IT TOOK FOR YOU TO TELL ME. BUT IM SORRY I DONT FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT YOU.

not get mad at the person and throw them away like garbage.

comment from same thread as above, which i disagreed with:

”  defiantgrit -1 points 1 year ago
It’s because you put the cart so far before the horse the horse didn’t even know the cart existed.
This isn’t how relationships work and I hope you’ve learned your lesson. Life isn’t an episode of How I Met Your Mother or the Big Bang Theory. You don’t confess feelings for someone. You have to date them first. How do you know that you actually love them without being in a relationship with them first? You might be friends with someone for years. You might know them so well. You still don’t know who they are in the context of a relationship until you are in a relationship with them. Then and only then can you really decide that you love that person romantically.
Instead you decided to say you had feelings for her without ever taking her out on one date. That puts a lot of pressure on someone and tells them that your ideas about love and relationships are skewed. This is why when you do this a lot of the time you will end up rejected. You should have felt the waters out by asking her out on a date. A real date. And telling her it was a date. If she said no then you could have easily moved onto someone else.
I hope you learned your lesson here. Real romantic love is fostered on two people sharing feelings for one another. Not one person creating an over-idealized version of someone they know as a friend, pining after them, then confessing their feelings verbal diarrhea style. When you do this you’re skipping very important steps that the majority of people take when they get into healthy relationships. Most relationships start with a physical attraction and a few dates then move into a more serious relationship then move into having strong feelings for one another.
And before I have to hear from all the people who confessed feelings for a friend and are successfully married to this day however many years later, please realize your situation is the exception in this sort of situation.  ”

this redditor mixes lies with the truth hahahaha. I argue that a friendship IS a kind of relationship. you really get to KNOW somebody. and then from this you can get feelings for them and decide you want a different kind of rel with them.  in fact i think its awful that you have to get physical early. and why cant you, in the course of hanging out with your friend, tell them: hey we need to talk. I can feel my feelings changing for you. I think I am starting to get feelings for you. i dunno why its happening now. maybe its the timing. maybe i wasnt fully over bla bla when we first met. just not sure. but what is sure is that i am starting to feel something for you. would you be willing to cuddle or make out or hold hands or have drunken unprotected secs right now hahahaha lemme get some snapchats of that pulverized pvssy hahahaha

https://rr.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2binyf/i_23_m_have_feelings_for_my_best_friend_25_f_who/

when you tell them your feelings, they reject you, but reject you nicely, BUT still want to be Just Friends, and Dont Understand why you need Space from them….. hehehehe i dd not have that problem. just COMMUNICATE with them and tell them would YOU want to see someone regularly who you liked and who rejected you? have YOU ever gotten feelings for a friend before? dont you realize, i still want you right now, i want to go out with you, and you want to be just friends. dont you see how we both want different things from each other? dont you see how this is UNBALANCED?????

COMMUNICATION. DO YOU SPEAK IT MOTHERFOOKER.

99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% of all relship problems could be fixed with COMMUNICATION. but these bitches just dont want to or dont know how to communicate!!!!!!!!!!

TELL THEM THAT! TELL THEM the same thing youre telling REDDIT!!!!!!!!!!

there are some redditors who actual type in phrases for the OP to say. “I am feeling betrayed right now when you do this. We need to communicate about this and make sure we understand each other. I would prefer that you not fook other guys. But you have to decide if you care enough about me to honor that wish.”

yeah i admit it i didnt come clean RIGHT AWAY, but i kinda DID start sending signals right away, and gradually turning up the heat because the fire was rising within me. also she could have hung out with me ONCE in 10 months. THEN i probably would have told her a LOT earlier.

its not like “confessing secret feelings” because after a while they already have a good idea something is happening because youre acting weird. like you have feelings for them. and she certainly noticed i was acting weird. and PROBABLY knew what the weirdness meant. though i cant be sure she did.

also. when i first became friends with her i knew she was in a rel with another guy and when she was being all friendly to me i was REAL CAREFUL to watch out for things she might do that might even be close to cheating. i didnt want her to cheat on him in other words. if she threw herself at me, id be like baby, i cant enable you in cheating on anyone! you just showed me youre willing to cheat! thats fookin horrible!

so yeah, her rel with him was primary for me, and my mind couldnt even ENTERTAIN the idea of feelings for her until she was DONE with him. i dont think thats so weird. i was respected their damn rel. i really was!!!!!! goddamn it!!!! im not lying!!!!! thats the truth!!!!! and to her credit she never did anything like cheating. but i know if I had been her BF i would have been suspicious about my GF making a fun new male friend. and in fact i think she might have been TRYING to make him jealous, because he wasnt showing her that he luved her at all.

i dunno.  i just know that in 30+ years ive never been a cheater, i dont want to become a cheater. if i havent become one yet, i hopefully never will, and that gives me some hope. but it also means i dont want to be the one a cheater cheats with. cuz do you really want to be with a CHEATER?

and i really think you can separate cheaters from noncheaters, and i want to be with MY KIND. noncheaters. she was a noncheater so that was great.

have i ever been with a cheater? maybe. probably. like this crazy slut i pseudodated. she was very promiscuous and bisexual and bipolar and probably pro polyamory. and so she very probably cheated on SOMEBODY at some point cuz she fooks anything that moves, shes a slut, who doesnt view secs as some sacred bond between two and only two people. she never cheated on me….well she hung out with me, then would leave me and go fook another guy  who lived in the same house hahahahaha. but that was only a handful of times ahhaahha. and we werent exlcusively dating so it didnt count as cheating. hahahaha. well it was SHADY AS FOOK. she was willing to fook me too. any gurl thats willing to fook 2 guys in ONE DAY….very bad sign. adding that to my wife questionnaire nanahahahaha.

was it possible she was having an “emotional affair” with me? i dunno!!!! maybe!!! i never really thought of it that way but yeah its a definite maybe hahahaha. i dont think either one of us was mature or smart enough to see it that way though. and also i was very clear in supporting her rel with her bf at that time. that was my goal. i didnt even CONSIDER any feelings with her until she was DONE with him.

i tried to explain all this to her but it was a complicated situation and maybe she felt i was trying to split her and the bf up so i could get with her. although i explained it very clearly that was not the case. and we had several in depth discussions of how she could fix the rel with him. but it sounded like he didnt want to fix it, he just wanted to be done with it hahahaha. i know the feel of being on the receiving end of THAT hahaha.

but yeah i hate being essentially accused of being a liar and deceiver and betrayer, but im really NOT, and also not getting the chance to EXPLAIN myself.

i dunno. when she was with the BF, i encouraged her in that rel; and pretty soon after i got feelings for her, i tried to hang otu with her, and began turning up the signals. so i was a little cowardly, but i still think i made a GOOD FAITH EFFORT to not lie or not deceive or not hide. and then i explained all that shit in the emails that were never read.

so yeah i hate being thought of as a LIAR or a BETRAYER or a DECEIVER.

i gave a good faith effort sure……BUT IT WASNT GOOD ENOUGH.

well i mean its ON HER if i tell her something but she DOESNT WANT TO LISTEN.  she didnt HAVE To delete the long emails where i tried to explain all this. she could have read them. she could have listened. she could have RESPONDED!!!!!

i didnt LIE to you! i didnt BETRAY you! i was just scared to say the thing i was heavily hinting at the whole time and i was increasing frusting she was avoiding and avoiding and avoiding and avoiding hanging out with me!!!!!!!

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/43mn60/my_19_m_girlfriend_20_f_of_almost_2_years_broke/

wow what a clusterfook. young man and woman at different colleges, he luvs her, she wants out, dumps him, breaks his heart.

”  Be happy she had enough respect for you to not cheat on you. ” says a redditor. REALLY!!!!!! i think he is trying to be a wiseass and not be taken seriously, but this kid really is not gonna take that the right way.

NO. RESPECT IS MORE THAN SIMPLY NOT CHEATING ON YOU. RESPECT IS DUMPING YOU WITH KINDNESS hahahahahaha. RESPECT is understanding that you are causing that person pain, and it causes YOU some pain to cause them pain.

A HORRIBLE MISUNDERSTANDING, NOT A HORRIBLE BETRAYAL / I DIDNT DO ANYTHING HORRIBLY WRONG / WATCHING A TRAIN WRECK IN SLOW MOTION

0121

shit had a damn dream where that woman played a PROMINENT role. here we were getting along and actually hanging out, but she had a boifran, kinda sorta. the implication was that she had been available, then some confusion whether or not she was dating a guy, and she probably was. kinda like what happened in real life. i was unsure of her status because i was too pussy to talk to her about it. and so i did some mild facebook stalking instead. really didnt need to go too deep there tho.

anyway in dream she was starting dating with a white badboy, well he was more of an alpha toughguy than me, which is not hard, and had some decent natural game. hard to tell if he would end up being a deadbeat or cheater. inconclusive. anyway at this time i had feelings for her and didnt want her to date this guy, but rather me. i was hanging out with them BOTH and i got along with the guy ok. but i was getting more passive aggressive, btichy, and beeta towards the gurl. i was feeling that i just should come out and tell her i like her before i do something stupid. around that time the dream ended.

it was different than reali life in several important ways: one, i was hanging out with her and had access to her.

two, there were times i did hang out with her and her and BF1, and i got along with him, but this was Before The Change. I wanted them to resolve their issues, i didnt like like her or want to steal her or want the rel to fail so i could swoop her up. thought maybe she thought so and thats why she hates me.

also i was much more passive aggressive in the dream than IRL, where i was more just passive pathetic.

anyway that sucked, i hate dreams with women and she was in this one a lot.

a big point that i have not made so much hahahahaha is that I DID NOTHING WRONG. when someone TREATS you like you did something horrible wrong to them, and then they hate you, well you would not be blamed for feeling guilty, like you did something horribly wrong to them, made some horrible mistake. cuz thats exactly how they are treating you.

so it takes a lot of work to convince myself of the truth that i did NOT do something horribly wrong.

cuz im genereally nice to people, there are not a lot of people who HATE me the way she does. i do not like being HATED. i dont do such terrible things to people to cause me to be hated. so when im hated, and treated like i did them horribly wrong, then i feel terrible. like i DID do something horribly wrong.

and it has taken a lot of time and effort to realize, wait a minute, maybe SHES WRONG, shes misunderstanding, i actually did NOT do anything wrong.

when i was rejected by other women, they didnt treat me like that. it was obvious they just werent into me, simple as that. so i was able to hate them easier, make them the bad guy easier, say it was all their fault easier.

this case, not so much. she hated me and was so angry at me and i felt HORRIBLE!!!!! what did i do that was so wrong! it HAD to be SOMETHING, to make her so upset! how can i make someone so important to me HATE me without even trying!

when in fact its “just” her misunderstanding it royally.

she could have chosen to sit down at the table with me and get my side of the story. i was more than willing to see her side of the story. i made great efforts to see the situation from her perspective. empathize. put myself in her position. imagine why she hated me so much. because i was CHANGING, and therefore her perception of me had to change, and she didnt want me to become a person who had interest in her. i was no longer safe and soft and predictable and trustrworthy. i was now a MAN with DESIGNS on SECS. but really it was so much more than that. and i COULD still be trusted. but good luck in making somebody understand something when they dont want to understand it.

but yeah when your once close friend treats you like you did something horrible to them, and hates you, you feel bad for it, and think, oh god i wish i hadnt done that horrible horrible thing. and then trying to come to terms that what you did wasnt really bad, and that is a error of judgement on THEIR part. them being compromised and unwilling. people have been doing this forever, its nothing new, and not even very complicated, but when it happens to you, in the context of Luv, its ridic tough to convince yourself that youre not the bad guy, that you in fact did nothing wrong, even though the other person thinks you did.

especially when like me you are concerned with taking responsibility, and taking blame, and assigning responsibility, and overanalyzing relationshits. hahahaha.

so yeah that dream sucked cuz its like seeing her again.

and its a daily yearly struggle to convince myself that i didnt actually do something horribly wrong. there wasnt some one big sin that i committed. she overreacted the fook out of this. and then i guess i overreacted to THAT by ruining my own life.

but i would argue that the nondegenerate proud white K selected Family Man Against Time is one that develops deep feelings for women, rather than treating people like …………. disposeable garbage.

well she didnt see it as her treating me as garbage, she saw it as giving that horrible asshole his just desserts for betraying me!

she wasnt THAT paranoid! she trusted her boifrans and was loyal to them!

maybe it is because she was so burned by her most recent shorter term boifran. he actually betrayed her and broke her heart. so that probably made her much more paranoid of men. of course i knew very little of that whole relship.

anyway if she were looking for a man right after the BF1 breakup……shit i just dont know enough about how things happened! i know she knew BF2 prior and may have sort of been friends with him….how come he could make the transition from friends to lovers without her going crazy and accusing him of betrayal? well because she was TINGLING for him, he had that alpha charm which women LUV, which i dont have so much.

shit. what she did to ME was closer to BETRAYAL than what i did to her, yet ME, in MY horribly emotionally compromised state, can STILL recognize that she didnt REALLY betray me, that it was just a horrible horrible MISUNDERSTANDING!!!! even though i was hurt by her WAY more than she was hurt by me! and really i SHOULD HATE her and blame her and never have it cross my mind that i did anything wrong!

but i know she didnt BETRAY me, she was just confused and overreacting and misunderstood! i wish she could have shown me a fraction of the Empathy or even Sympathy that i showed her!

this was so devastating and horrible and life ruining for me that i want to take SOME kind of lesson out of it. but the lessons seem so simple and cliche that it just wasnt worth going thru something so painful to get THESE lessons. like finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is just 1 penny. its something…..but THATS IT?!?!?!?!?!

also it was so painful because i simply had not been this close to a woman in years. i was closer to her than i was to the gurls i pseudodated. have i mentioned this hahaha. we had more of a real connection, were actually on the same page, etc.

so its my fault because i should have known better than to GET ATTACHED.

well i certainly didnt get attached TOO FAST. it took me FOREVER to get attached.

but now the mistake i made was not telling her RIGHT AWAY. so i could see that SHE had no feelings for me and therefore TRY to dial it down on my end before i got too far gone.

yeah it was a MISTAKE, but i dont think it was an unforgivable, horrible, huge mistake, or betrayal, like cheating or abuse. besides i also changed my behavior to her pretty much immediately. mainly with more texting, and saying different types of things to her. if i were intent on HIDING/LYING, i wouldnt do that, now would I???!?!?!?!

and a damn LIFETIME has passed, i should be over it, im kinda stagnating now, its like a dull pain that never goes away, and yet i know that she is over it and enjoying her life and being respected at our job and continuing to make decent money.  and 191 days later i am still obsessed.

and i am convinced she doesnt deserve to be respected at the job because she is in the bottom tier, she doesnt really understand the shit, she just parrots shit efficiently but doesnt really know how to solve problems.

but thats all you need, plus this is an unfair judgment on my part, because the company doesnt train people, and it was only through developing an unhealthy obsession that I made the effort to become one of the smart people. shit is very cliquey and if you arent friendly with the right people youre screwed. and none of this is fair and its not fair for me to criticize her for it. fine.

i was just bitter butthurt that the default position was unrespected incompetent idiot, and you had to make great personal sacrifices in order to get ANY respect and gain ANY competence. i made those sacrifices and got that respect, and i was angry that she was also getting respect without the sacrifices. i mean shit just being in that hellhole SHOULD have been enough of a sacrifice, but it wasnt. you had to go home and STUDY on your free time in order to get BETTER. i did that, she didnt. i wouldnt blame anybody who didnt! they had families and children!!!!

i thought she was getting respect just because she was a young purty gurl, from all the Thirsty 40+ year old divorced and/or lonely men hahahaha who were willing to help the damsel in distress. white knighting hahahaha.

and so i would quiz her to see if she knew the shit i knew and of course she didnt. i got a little passive aggressive but im not even sure she noticed, if anything she interpreted it as me going crazy from the job. which i kinda was. but i was also going crazy because of her too.

also we were in kind of different cliques. i would have preferred that we both picked the same clique hahaha. well sometimes the cliques choose you. esp if you are a young purty gurl. then all the cliques are competing for you hahahaha.

i fell in with a clique of Smart Young Kool Kids. im not even sure what her clique really was. somewhat creepy “thirsty” older men? like even older than me? with some known cheaters and scumbags in there. again i dont even know for sure becuase she was already closing herself off.

its hard to JUST ACCEPT that somebody doesnt want to be part of your life anymore. i still havent JUST ACCEPTED it. i figure it will take at LEAST a year to get to that point, maybe 2.  however long it takes for the memory of someone to die. doesnt help if you see them on facebook, in dreams, or god forbid IRL.

just having real trouble getting over this. STILL want to contact her. i 99% prob wont, but still a constant temptation. after 157 days no contact. FOOOOOOOK. this is what Bad Closure does. takes you THAT much longer to get over it. i “only” had feelings for her for 10 months, but its gonna take WAY more than 10 months to get over this!

because we had an actual real relationship in the form of a real friendship, and then the horrible way it ended.

weev. have i come out and said that i like weev and support him? kewl guy. super alpha tho. he absolutely SLAYS the pvssy. certainly went thru a degen phase because what young man is gonna turn down hordes of young qts throwing themselves at him? he was too busy drowing in pvssy to be able to realize that Womanizing Is Degen. I cant really fault him for it. it doesnt degrade him nearly as much as it degrades the women. most of whom were prob already too far gone anyway. like the feminist troll shanley kane (name?). she used to be racist and she hooked up with weev and he taught her how to troll effectively and now she broke troll ethics and trolls men out of their tech jobs just because they are men and she hates men because she prob had a bad rel with her father, and “slept with a lot of assholes.” and she has since become an antiracist sjw feminist. weev understandably shakes his head and regrets being with her and teaching her trolling skills.

but it is a shame that he is unhireable because of his political beliefs. especially when he has the hard tech skills to make GOOD money. it takes a special kind to get that good. you need to be obsessed and focused and basically teach yourself to code starting at age 12 or earlier. i was first introduced to code at age 17  (BASIC?) and i got an A in the class, but….i was unable to connect it to Actual Paid Coding Work and What Coders Do.

I later learned a lot more coding at age 27 or 28, getting twice as deep at least, and still…..same problem. what can i really do with this. how does my C++ tic tac toe program translate into the real world. took 2 classes in C++, 1 class in visual basic, 1 class in SQL and databases, 1 class in ASP.NET, 2 classes in “web design.”. and I got all A’s, and still feel like i got nothing real out of it. like 24 credits down the drain hahahhaha.

also the shit was so frustrating. almost as frustrating as muh tech support job. going over the stuff over and over trying to find logical errors. not knowing how to do stuff efficiently. never really understanding anything.

which is why im skeptical about “TEACH KIDS TO CODE!!!!” like it opens up a whole new world of opportunity for them. maybe it is, if they get into it young enough, and then become autistically obsessed with coding from ages 10 to 70.  but i gave it a fair shake and didnt really get anything out of it. we got as far as like pointers and dynamic memory and queues and stacks and classes and polymorphism and stuff that seemed pretty hardcore…..but it wasnt. it was frustrating and went nowhere. it did not have any relevance to muh tech support job where i made better money than i even made before. and now i have forgotten it all.

no i was not some bigshot making 18DAH either hahahaha. but i was actually making more than 12DAH believe it or not! as someone who was used to making 10 DAH it was a huge step up. i still cant beleive it.

besides you can just get an h1b indian with a Masters in Coding to work for half the price of an american. teaching 30 year olds how 2 cout >> helloworld.output(); is not going to do shit. They will still be working for 10 DAH at the insurance company call center O GOD telling people their claims are denied but i cant explain why and i cant let you talk to the person who made the final decision, and we cant appeal that, so sorry your kid/mother has to die of cancer. next caller please.

and i certainly dont have the initiative and drive and AGENCY of those indians with the masters degree, traveling a world away from their families, to make shitty money, thats still better than the even shittier money theyd make back in india. working for jooish proejct managers and VPs and department heads who dont know technical shit at all and just want you to make sense out of the un make sense out of able. for 80 horrible hours a week. this is what you left your family in india for. but thousands of them do it. i would K myself!

so you have to be special to get hired as a white american coder. young and special. not just good, but best of the best. and i think weev has those kind of skills. i certainly dont. though i can certainly code better than the average prole hahahaha. i just cant DO anything with it.

enemy outlets like gawker say weev mixes lies with the truth and sometimes adopts fake or temporary identities, like becoming a mormon for a few months. but this is prob just gawker smearing the rightist racist; also he got a huge swastika tattoo on his chest which is usually a sign of legit committment hahahaha. unless that was just a photoshop. pretty sure it wasnt though.

i just mention him becuase he is a mini celebrity on the TRS forums and just kind of a mini celebrity in general, and also kind of a high profile Uncloseting in a field where people are pathetically leftist but they really shouldnt be. in fact i am certain there are plenty of Coder Shitlords, but they keep their mouth shut because they know exactly how vulnerable they are!

but someone who has an actually very valuable moneymaking skill, then comes out under their real name as a hardcore WN, i have great respect for.

or even people that DONT have great moneymaking potential.

so why dont I do it? ive essentially got nothing to lose. i could do something real for the movement.

but could i really? at best i would be “just” another daily stormer. not crapping on DS, i could not even approach that level right now. and who knows, maybe anglin was making shitloads of money and then gave it all up to become a huge WN under his real name, to get harrassed by feds and shills and living on d’nations and not having a real home.

anyway my point is, its harder to give up shitloads of money to come out of the closet, rather than be a neet loser like myself and come out of the closet hahahaha.

do actual neets go to the Gym every day like i do?

http://www.latimes.com/nation/la-na-daily-stormer-interview-20150624-story.html

https://archive.is/VCGBc

andrew anglin sets the record str8 in march 2015

i would link directly to him because atm i believe hes a good guy and deserves dnations. i just dont want him to know people are getting to his site thru me. but i encourage u to visit dailystormer and give him some money. i think this asian sex scandal is a bunch of bullshit.

anyway yeah it is CREEPY to be obsessed with a woman, and understandably makes her very uncomfortable. but really she never KNEW how obsessed i was with her, therefore good karma for me hahahaha. she knew i had strong feelings for her, she hated me for betraying her image of the Safe Me, and that was it. if i were obsessively stalking her and sending her messages every day, maybe. but i didnt. but i send her 3 emails during that time, 2 of which were SUPER LONG. in fact, even just that last email was SO LONG that just that ONE email would be CREEPY. NOBODY sends an email this long unless they are OBSESSED.

WRONG! no one writes a years worth of blog posts unless they are obsessed!!!!!!!

but i am not showing these to her, i dont intend for her to read them. i hope she DOESNT! ive never told her about this. never would. its mainly catharsis for me. and good lord do i need a LOT of catharsis and self soothing ALL DAY ERRY DAY. hehehe all my free time is spent self soothing hahahaha. i should have done the same while i was working. rather than coming home and studying and worrying i should have been self soothing. well what i did sometimes was take a ton of MJ, that was pretty soothing, and THEN go study.

and I think the MJ helped. Ideally I would have just gone to the Gym but i was too scared to sign up.

but i was ALWAYS worried about it. i COUDLNT self soothe unless i were getting Blazed and perhaps going to BED at 8 pm and watching king of the hill was really the best. but then as soon as you get in bed you worry about the shit thats gonna happen the next day. the weird phone calls, the unknown unknowns, and you flailing and thrashing and pretending you know what youre doing, working to put on a face and say everythings gonna be ok.

and you try to get support from your friend who once supported you but now they think youre too much to handle and they are now turning away from you. and you are watching the TRAIN WRECK IN SLOW MOTION. we were both in denial but i was expressing more concern and worry abotu it, like whats happening between us, i know we can get along again, lets just please communicate with each other, im worried about losing you bla bla bla. it would have been nice if SHE expressed more of that kind of concern, rather than ambivalence. show some concern or luv through kind words at least. NOPE.

so what. so that happened. now we move on right.

so, a relationship destroyed by a tragic misunderstanding. you cant just say the rel would have been destroyed anyway. sure it would have to END, but it would end in an honorable way like having a funeral for a beloved person, as opposed to a dishonorable death of a traitor being killed execution style. machine gunned into a mass grave. a violent, ugly, brutal death for a dishonorable traitor. i dont think i deserved that! i deserved the honorable funeral!

not to say i was perfect. i did do some things wrong. namely by being cowardly and beeta and not saying something RIGHT AWAY. but that kind of cowardice and covering up is a LOT different than pretending like youre not having an affair on your wife. with the TRULY horrible things like that, you try to cover up the evidence because you dont want the truth to come out.

i DID want the truth to come out and was giving hints as much as i could!

do i have to explain how getting feelings for someone is NOT like cheating on someone?

but she considered it a betrayal of the friendship and she was just completely unwilling to listen to my side of the story.

just a very unique situation which i have never faced before and which many people actually do NOT face.

im not sure how many people have fallen in luv with a friend. maybe half of people? prob a little LESS. 40% lets say. most people fall in luv with people they are “dating”, ie people they had secs with soon after meeting. ie, the idea of secs was always on the table from the very first meeting. that was the driving force, not the idea of friendship and getting to know a person.

ok. so of that 40% that have fallen in luv with a friend….how many of those were rejected? probably at least 60% of them. BUT I would say the vast majority of those rejections (90%) were done in a proper, good, friendly, adult way, like AW IM SORRY!

so, 10% of 60% of 40% of people have gone through what i gone through. hahaha. so, starting with 100 people, thats, 40 people fell in luv with friend, .6 * 40 or  24 of THEM got rejected, and 2.4 of THEM got rejected BRUTALLY. BTFO.

hehe so i am the 2.4%. actually i was hoping it would be more like under 1% hahahaha. becuase i want to be a special snowflake.

i mean most people have been rejected and heartbroken. at least 75% of people.

and at least 75% of those have experienced a BAD heartbreak, ie cheating, betrayal, anger, lies, hate, bad karma, abandoning, rather than just good heartbreaks, ie, person dumps you in a polite, proper, civilized, good karma way (“im sorry this just isnt working for me, youre a good person, im sorry to dump you.”)

so that is 56.25% of people have experienced a BAD heartbreak. which is essentially all this is. so maybe im even LESS of a special snowflake. hahahahaha.

well its a special kind of BAD heartbreak because it came resulting from falling in luv wiht a friend. and THAT is closer to 2.4%.

people talk about “high energy” and “low energy” in 2016, it was becoming a meme in 2015 and its reaching its peak now as a minor meme. i am most definitely LOW energy hahahaha. this is bad. this makes you unattractive to women, employers, clients, and friends. low energy = loser hahahaha. total neet loser.

 

google got feelings for friend now they feel betrayed

hmm nothing good.

google its not betrayal its a misunderstanding.

not much. the trope of “ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!” where you walk in to find your wife in bed with julio the poolboy. ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!

in this case, it was EXACTLY what it looked like. i was acting like i was in luv with her, becuase i was in luv with her!

certainly she observed me and thought “he’s acting weird, like he likes me all of the sudden. and hes been acting like this the past few months and hasnt been stopping.”

did it ever occur to you that it was exactly what it looked like?

so the misunderstanding wasnt in that. it was in that that was bad. that that was a betrayal of a friendship.

a betrayal of a friendship is stabbing your friend in the back. selling your friend out. really leaving them hanging when they needed you and asked for your help.

if a male friend fell in gay love with me, i wouldnt think of it as a betrayal. especially if they were giving me weird hints. i might say, IS EVERYTHING OK? IS THERE ANYTHIGN YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT OR TELL ME. You seem to be very worried. whats up. what do you want to tell me. are you in gay luv with me or something hahahaha, ease into it with a joke.

or if i strongly suspected her of being in luv with me.

for a while i weakly suspected her of maybe liking me, but that also came from confusion and inexperience that i didnt know what it felt like for women just to be nice and sweet to me. i automatically thought it meant they liked me.

put it this way: if she was giving the same strong hints I was giving her, I would have confronted HER in the gentle kind open manner described 3 paras above.

google betrayal or misunderstanding

results in a bunch of degen and stupid FANFICTIONS of elves fooking each other and bois dressing as animu gurls. ok…..

http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-ways-youre-accidentally-making-everyone-hate-you/

QUOTE:

If you’re confused, think of it this way: If you apply for a job, which is worse — a rejection letter, or no reply at all? The former is bad, but the latter is dismissive, and that’s a thousand times worse. (Note: By far the angriest reaction I get to hate mail is when I don’t reply at all.) That’s how some people take your failure to speak to them — like you didn’t even open their resume before tossing it in the trash.

 

See, there is an old saying: Hate is not the opposite of love. Apathy is. For many people, you’d be better off telling them to f00k off, because at least then you’re acknowledging that they matter.

END

yes very cliched but at this point i need to read the cliches and believe they are true. that i didnt do something horribly wrong. that she just fundamentally misunderstands this. not sure if i believe apathy is the opposite of luv tho. cuz i am sure she hates me AND she doesnt want to tell me to f00k off. dont hate me! dont hate me for an unfortuante but natural part of life!

http://www.thefriendshipblog.com/forums/topic/just-been-friend-dumped/

uhh pretty sure i linked this before but its a good one.

http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://www.thefriendshipblog.com/forums/topic/just-been-friend-dumped/

i will not let this page die!

https://archive.is/ERPtR

2 cached versions for ya

or when women say youre clingy even though you dont think youre being clingy. then they tell you youre clingy then block you hahaha leaving you heartbroken. hhahahahaha. yep. only imagine that happening after 3 good years.

NO it wasnt 3 good years. it was at MOST 2 GOOD years. more like 1.5 good years because for the first few months i knew her i wasnt really friends with her, i just got along with her. it takes a while to become official friends. you need to know them. official friends is by DEFINITION a long term thing.

anyway i cant even being a woman and having OPTIONS. i could see how that could help you get over something. if i had OPTIONS right now, i would then hang out with those women, demonstrate that NAWALT, etc, and maybe get over things. i mean i have Processed everything and Faced a Flood of pain. now i’m just STUCK in a RUT. and having OPTIONS might help me get out of that rut. some random young QT being nice to me and maybe i could get HER off my mind, when she doesnt need to be in it any more.

this is not to be confused with women dating new guys within a few days or weeks of ending a rel. TAKE AT LEAST 6 MONTHS BABY, I DID hahaha

i dont think SHE took 6 months before ending it with the long term BF1 and starting with BF2. but thats becuase women ALWAYS have options at all times, and at this time its prob a tough temptation to resist.

WOMEN HAVE OPTIONS AT ALL TIMES, MEN NEVER HAVE OPTIONS EVER. hahahaha.

and that is right, natural, and just becuase of how we are BUILT. MY beef is when the women FLAUNT it. its like a superrich man in super expensive clothes swaggering past a bunch of poor bums.

or, somewhat different, a person who goes to a buffet and eats THE WHOLE THING and becomes 10000000 pounds. kinda like the gluttonous man in month python meaning of life.

its like me denying and abusing my white male privilege hahaha. women have sexual choice privilege. this is much more obvious and real than white privilege hahaha. no but it really is.

but yeah the whole reason i cant stop thinking about her is I STILL WANT HER. I WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH HER. not that i was ever really “together with” her in the first place, but we were close. i wish we could be close again, and then we could have a fun good friends hangout session, then i tell her about my feelings, and she is favorable to it.

would i still want her back if i were giving it to some young qt gurl?

well maybe. hahahahaha. maybe i just need more time hahaha. you never stop wanting them.  until you avoid them completely for like 2 years. that might be the rule hahaha.

yeah. to STOP WANTING THEM takes FOREVER. at least 2 years. and usually need to find someone new around that time too.

heh. i just hate how women can get over men SO FAST. like they never meant anything to them at all. or maybe thats just me hahahaha. and just move through men so quickly: meet, start hanging out, start having secs, date for a while or less, break up, get emotional, meet another man or start fooking another man in their stable, etc, repeat this cycle 3 or 4 or 5 times a year, it sounds not only EXHAUSTING, but also grim and nihilistic to go through “relationships” so damn FAST. at least dont have SECS with ALL these guys.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/565762-feelings-close-friend-can-t-move

LS has this great “FRIENDS AND LOVERS” subforum which seems tailor made for me. people falling in luv with their friends.

misunderstandings are very common cuz women give nothing but mixed signals all the time. it gives men such grief. really you just have to be alpha and take what you want. i would say just charge ahead until she says STAAHHHHHHP. and even then 50% of the time it doesnt mean STAHP, they still want to get fooked. what a bunch of high number degenerates hahahaha. theyve just taken too mcuh cok.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/565061-pursue-drop-strung-along-going-insane

just reading about the mixed signals drives me crazy. 19 years old and the gurl is already RUINED FOR LIFE. so sad. and niceguys like this pay the price for it.

there are a lot of degenerates on LS who see nothing wrong wiht promiscuity and having secs early and cheating on your spouse because legit reasons. so be careful. some of these people need to be judged and shamed for degen beaviour.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/365269-things-every-wayward-spouse-needs-know

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/565124-suicide-because-man-can-t-attract-women-2.html#post6727186

QUOTE from user buddhist

Quote:
Originally Posted by Curious-One View Post
Dont ever judge someone until you walked a mile in their shoes.

Nobody can really understand how OP feels…many of you make it seem like its not the end of the world but only OP know what it truly feels to be in his situation.

buddhist:
Nice cliche but no cigar on this one. One in four people become seriously depressed in their lifetime, perhaps not over the exact same issue, but depression feels the same no matter the cause of it. I’ve been depressed to point of planning my own suicide. Hence why I think I can speak on the matter. It took me over 5yrs to come out of a 10yr depression cycle. Thats one third of my life feeling like the OP does. I’ve walked more than a mile in his shoes thanks.

I also know that no matter what anyone writes here it’s all going to feel like a ‘sucks to be you’ sentiment to the OP. He has lost perspective, that’s what depression is all about. It’s blowing a problem up huge by obsessing about it until life loses it’s flavour in all directions and a sense of hopelessness sets in. I also know that when you are in a depressive cycle you are generally clueless about how you are coming off to other people and don’t understand why others distance themselves. It feels like a conspiracy, unjust, unfair behaviour. Yet it’s not until you are beyond depression that you see yourself in others and think…..of course! I wouldn’t want to be around that either.

What depressives generally do is argue their point until it’s a dead stinking maggot infested horse. Whenever someone offers a solution or insight, they argue why that person is wrong. They don’t move from their perspective or consider other points of view. They are wilfully intent on proving why their perspective is the right one. We’ve seen plenty of that in this thread.

END

hehehehe

the distressed people truly write some LONG posts. it means they care a lot and are in a lot of pain. reminds me of the LONG emails i wrote her. now these strangers posts are TLDR for me, but im glad to see im not the only one who writes LONG stuff when having trouble wiht a person.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/41340-pain-death-vs-pain-infidelity

interesting thoughts here. took nyquil, too lazy to describe. comparing grief of end of rel to grief re death, which i have done as well, concluding that end of rel is almost worse because you know they are alive and happy without you, also someone dying has no agency, they arent choosing to throw you away. this person makes the interesting point. but its a diff situation: a good marriage that ended too soon due to death. and a bad marriage with a cheating wife that ended not a moment too soon! his cheating wife was a real piece of shit, which will help him get over her more quickly. but the mans dead wife, they were soulmates who luved each other, and he was devastated to have the love of his life die of a brain tumor. it will likely take him much longer to get over it!