CHAD HOEST

mar 25

had dream about woman i like in  2007 or 8. she was very attractive and young but was a fatherless bipolar mudshark. good riddance. well shes been with the same mud guy now for like 2 years, thats not typical of muds fooking white gurls. shit im surprised shes capable of being with 1 man without dumping him for 2 years. i dont want the desperate thirsty man who is willing to settle for poor damaged me for the long term, better dump him.

anyway shes not a terrible person and in the dream she was being nice and interested in me, smiling at me, hanging out with me one on one, even grabbing muh d under the table. i was like well this is nice, cant wait to get you home and fook you like an animal several times in one night. i was totally enchanted just by her hanging out with me, looking at me, smiling and laughing and being flirty towards me. its not rocket science.

then i lost track of her and could not find her and was like OH SHIT that was a SURE THING and now I am gonna LOSE MUH CHANCE.

but yeah even if she is a crazy mudshark shes not a terrible person and i would have totally dated her and probably fallen in full luv with her if she had any interest in me. she was interested in being friendly with me for a few weeks, so that was enough for me! unfort she had a LOT of male friends and was always making new friends. VERY social. bad news. i was nothing special.  and i am sure i remember her a lot more than she remembers me, like 9 fookin years later. oh well. at least she looks older now.  but still totally bangable. and she is way more successful than me hahaha. and fooks negros. falls in LUV with negros. i mean thats pretty damning.

i dont need to say she was a huge slut ever since the age of 20 at least. becuase she was hahahaha.

and to think. many guys got to live out my dream of her being interested in them, then they got to fook her, then they probably got “too” interested in her, then she said UGH why are all these thirsty guys always falling in LUV with me, im not that luvable, then gave them the cold shoulder, fooked tons more guys, and only fell in luv with darkies, and still became way more successful than me hahahaha.

but yeah she’s not a terrible person. i wish her father were better to her and she had turned out better and had dated me hahahaha. then i never would have met That Woman.

you can probably get more than one oneitis in your life……but its way harder when you are older than 30 and looking at older women. it happens most readily when you are young and the women are young. then it happens maybe 3, 5 times and you better marry one of those gurls. doesnt help if they have no interest in you whatsoever hahaha.

anyway it was interesting to get a dream where a qt young gurl was being flirty with me and it felt good man, like do ALL NORMIES REALLY experience this in real life?

i actually experienced it with 2 women in my own life! 12 and 13 years ago hehehe. so i KNOW its real and not a myth.

i claim that its NOT weird to get attached to a person after you FOOK them, or even youve been making out with them. these things are supposed to generate bonding chemicals of oxytocin. so Thots who casually suck and fook, cant make oxytocin any more, cant get attached to any man. well except maybe THE MOST alpha, who already has His Choice of women throwing themselves at him.

also dont be captain save a child if the childs mother is a Ho and you are involved with her hahahaha. some men play captain save a ho and the ho has a young child that the white knight man gets attached to and wants to save the child along with the mother.

its ok to save the child, just ignore the mother tho. send the mother to a handmaids tale like breeding camp where she can breed white babies but not fook them up.

kinda shitty to have hwyte kids if youre just gonna fook them up. its very frustrating. you might ALMOST not have the kids at all if youre just gonna set them up to fail. but no abortions of hwyte babies. send the hwyte babies to a hwyte person who can take care of them. to a captain save a ho type man. give him a child to save instead. and he can continue to bang hos and thots. away from the childs eyes of course.

laid down cuz felt tired, didnt really Nap though. watching “mutiny on the bounty” with marlin brando from like 1961 and the hwytes are RACE MIXING like crazy with the tahitian THOTS. the captain should be condemning this race mixing abomination.

anyway point is, if some 20 year old girl with a healthy body is throwing herself at you, you conveniently forget about race. i probably even would too. but yeah i dont want to watch a movie from the 60s and see RAMPANT race mixing!

yeah yeah i get it, they are SAILORS, fine. i just smh when i see hwyte men getting YELLOW FEVER. pretty PATHETIC.

besides, what they dont say enough is that these gurls are huge sluts who treat EVERY guy like this. you think she’s gonna be faithful to YOU? or are you a degenerate who doesnt care if your woman is faithful? or hwyte?

well these men have been working hard like slaves on the sea and they are just looking for a little tenderness and now they are finally getting it. doesnt make race mixing RIGHT but i cant say id do differently in their position. id probably K muh self after 2 days on the SHIP!!!!!

like this guy chip gaines and his Triracial wife on the hit show fixer upper. he seems like a good man but seriously very very very GOOFY which probably made it harder for him to get a hwyte woman. so he gets with this….lets just call her asian woman. i know she is ASIAN, ARAB, and something else, maybe mexican. she is in good shape, very healthy weight, and has nice hair, and i would bang her too if i were a desperate thristy slave on board a ship. or right now, after 12 years of thirst hahahahaha. 12 years a thirsty slave.

but rather than pump and dump her, he fell in LUV with her and millions of people including me are watching the show. now thank god their kids look a lot whiter than she does and could prob PASS for whyte. shit you know i think the third race in her IS whyte. white, asian, and arab. i looked it up once hahahaa.

so that makes the kids 67% white. hmmmm. not quite good enough. POOR KIDS!!!! SAD!

only in a thoroughly jooed world would it make sense to have SECS with a person and NOT get ATTACHED to them.  this is EXACTLY how the joos DESTROY OUR race, by destroying the FAMILY, destroying CHILDREN, destroying relships between men and women, by saying that secs is casual and doesnt NECESSITATE ATTACHMENT.

every time you have casual secs, the J rubs his hands.

every time you don’t condemn casual secs, you murder your own race. just throw it into the oven.

LOVE YOUR RACE.

MJ has been less disappointing to me than WOMEN. BY FAR. the women always leave and break muh heart. the MJ, i pretty much know what I’m getting, and it works as intended. i use it to fulfill a similar role as women: to get warm fuzzies, a sense of romance and transcendence and The Sublime and The Beautiful.

and it more or less WORKED! its honestly an effective reinforcement. like a dog getting a treat. pavlovs dogs drooling for their treat. the only thing that can come close to TRAINING and CONDITIONING me like that is a Special QT young Woman who I Like, and its WAY easier to find MJ than to find a woman like THAT. even right now. when MJ is very slim pickins. likable women are even slimmer hahahaha.

they say romance books and bullshit like 50 shades of gray are porn for women, which i can see the point, but it misses a HUGE point of what pornography is. namely, 50 shades of gray is not even 1% as filthy, degenerate, destructive as the hardcore vidya porn for men, where real women are destroyed, degraded and abused to the delight of the jooz, where pathetic men who will never get a woman beat off to it bitterly.

in 50 shades of gray, real women arent being destroyed gaping their assholes for black bulls on camera. there’s just some fantasy of being seduced by a powerful manly man. nothing new there. so theres some very LIGHT fetishism. i’m surprised its not MORE jooish. and when it gets more jooish – like the degen filth produced to emasculate MEN – then i’ll get worried. until its used as a weapon to destroy people, you cant call it “pornography.” you can call it retarded, low brow jooish (((entertainment))) though!

how WOULD you make something like pornography for women though? basically, women can ALWAYS reproduce. i guess the more destructive thing would be entertainment that blatantly promotes casual secs, polyamory, polyandry, and even still, its not like women Dildo Themselves to Sex and The City or Cuckold Porno. and even if they did, they would still reproduce. but they would be ruined children for sure. not that many of them aren’t.

but yeah honestly i don’t think you CAN make something as bad for women as bad as actual porn has been for men. something like “GIRLS” by digusting pig lena dunham is the closest thing, and that is over and done with. women liked that show for 2 years at most. then it went out of favor and lena went too far even for the joos and people are like yeah shes a little weird. GIRLS was bad and promotes the worst kind of women, but its still not nearly as bad as porno for men.

yeah the worst thing for women would be much complex things than “just porno”: stuff like ABORTION and FEMINISM basically and everything related to that. it all contributes to the idea of sexual liberation, culture of casual sex, disposability of human life, etc etc.

outlaw pornography and outlaw abortion. this would go a good way to changing the culture. outlaw no fault divorce. oh but muh freedoms, there should be no laws, no gummint. no this is not a libertarian website hahahahaha. we believe in law and order, for the protection of the fascist nation and our fascist hwyte race. laws to keep out da jooz. theyve been kicked out of 200 countries. i wonder why. because goys hate the poor jooz. the poor innocent victims that never did anything to get banned from 200 countries in 2000 years.

i guess tinder would be like porn for women to. give them a platform to HAVE casual sex and to make their OWN porno pictures and videos with the guys they casually fook like sluts.

but yeah life is a COMPETITION. FIERCE competition. for women, and for jobs.

heh. its funny though. it was easier for me to get into a Highly Selective University than it was to get an 11k a year job. WAYYYYYY easier.  I applied to like 3 universities and got accepted to them all. no i did not apply to harvard, yale, princeton, stanford, MIT, i just wasnt interested, and i prob WOULDNT have gotten in.

it was easier for me to get into a Highly Selective University at age 17 that it was to Win the Hearts of Sluts and Mudsharks.

so yeah i guess i wasnt prepared for HOW competitive the world really was. kinda wish i had just gotten rejected from that uni! i only went there because it was Highly Selective and a Really Good Name, so if i go here, i will be SET FOR LIFE, even if I do average work in a useless degree. WRONG.

anyway back from sat afternoon church, ate some dinner, took powerwalk, and gonna actually be under calorie goal for once.

anyway i guess that dream about that OTHER woman was good because it wasnt about THAT woman. but it still doesnt prove i could have feelings for a brand new unknown woman.

well, logically, if it were a young, nice, attractive woman,  i probably could. if she were about 7/10 and about 25 years old (or younger!) but as i get older, this age standard gets harder and harder to reach. also them being willing to spend time with you (one on one, not just in groups), and respond to you, and be nice to you, that can cause you to have feelings too.

so yeah i COULD. but to pull a woman that YOUNG when I am not YOUNG…that seems unlikely.

logged into my runescape game for the first time in 3 years. it looked totally different.  i then logged into “old school” which looked familiar but it had set me all the way back to the beginning. sad! i remember the game being kinda fun. now its making me type the stupid password in and wont even let me paste the long unique password i have for security. you have to type in the password every time. might as well save it as password123.

funny that the women you never forget have forgotten you like their fathers have forgotten about them. and the guys these women can’t forget have in turn forgotten about THEM.

well you know i bet their fathers havent FORGOTTEN about them. they are just too COWARD to do the right thing.

come on. was i really THAT forgettable? i dont think so. i know my male friends remembered me.

taake does a CURE cover. this sounds like a potentially good idea. havent listened yet. this is from the cure “pornography” album which is very very bleak and dark and which i imagine would be anti pornography. i guess i would have to look at the lyrics of the album to determine why they called it that.

just trying to psych myself up for his boring concert so i get my 22 dollars worth hahahahahahaha no it should be pretty good. also prepping his most recent 2 albums “stridens hus” and “noregs vaapen” which i have not listened to. in 2008 i was actually aware of taake and thought he was pretty good so i was excited about his New Self Titled Album in 2008. It turned out being very boring and underwhelming so then i stopped being so ecxcited about taake. the end. then 9 years later he came to my town and i said what the heck ill go see him. shit i cant believe i first heard taake more than 9 years ago. it doesnt seem that long ago. i certainly haven’t “been a fan” for 9 years hahahahaha.

seems like most fans agree: his 2008 s/t album was boring and uninspired, his next album noregs vaapen was a strong comeback, then his next album stridens hus was kinda lackluster again. well he never makes an album longer than 45 minutes, thats good.

this unartig usually has decent recordings of NYC shows on youtube. hear taake does a good live show. he looks like he’s into it and is not so grim he can’t interact with the fans. but not so silly he cant be grim either. i think his whole thing is to recreate classic 90s black metal. back when dissection and emperor and darkthrone and burzum and mayhem were the coolest bands ever. i am kind of this era too, not being THAT much younger than hoest, so hipster blackgaze young kids black metal still seems a little weird to me, as im sure it does to him.

i dont understand those shitty pants he is wearing though. literally the worlds most falling apart jeans. there was a photograph taken once of his D hanging out of his terribly shredded pants hahahahaha. i would just get a new pair of pants already buddy. but glad to see he hasnt gotten all fat and is still in good shape in his Late Thirties.

in 2015 he had a huge hipster beard hahahaha but in 2016 he cut it to normie length hahahaha. but seriously his long beard looked good. i cant grow a long beard like this because muh beard hairs grow in weird directions whereas his beard grows straight down and out so he can grow it long.

if you see pictures of him not looking made up or trashy or drunk but attempting to look semi presentable, he is handsome as fook and could easily pull a 20 year old 8/10 waifu. JELLY. CHAD HOEST.

mar 26

yeah actually pretty excited about this. one could do a lot worse than taake. i SHOULD be a bigger fan. i was big on metal in 1999 and 2002 when he was releasing his first big albums. i just dont recall reading about them! 2005 hordaland came out just as i was making out with a grill for the last time hahahaha but i was tuned out of metal at that time, and for a few more years after. then i came back sometime around 2008 because i remember when the taake album came out and everyone was disappointed.

but yeah. i wonder if he likes sacramentum. probably. taake should be my favorite band because they tap right into that sweet spot before black metal got young and weird, and old and boring. and never attempted to “innovate” in the embarrassing ways older bands like satyricon did. the younger bands did a LOT better job of that, shit i totally respect bands like alcest or wolves in the throne room (do they really count as younger though?) well, repsect their MUSIC I should say haha. also saor, winterfylleth, wodensthrone, 10’s UK black metal is bretty kewl, but nothing really weird about it: it is just straight up pagan heathen atmospheric BM with no funny stuff. you could say similar about taake. its bretty atmospheric, quite melodic.  the funniest he gets is occasional “black and roll” and using a banjo once which got way too much attention. well it doesnt help that he brings the banjo on tour with him to play during that one song.

yeah i am officially excited. i will relisten to the old taake albums because i have forgotten large portions of them. i will listen to the newer albums i missed entirely. i listened to the cure song today, it was ok but yeah the vocals were a miss hahahaha. would have been better off just impersonating robert smith, who has a good voice.

Image result for ørjan stedjeberg

but yeah this is what i mean, chad hoest. very handsome. a total 8.8/10 man hahahahaha. he could literally be a male model.

but it is degenerate to get an upside down cross tattoo. but i can totally understand why. he was probably drunk and 18. when i was drunk and 18 i just drew an upside down cross on my arm with a marker hahahaha. he goes and gets a permanent tattoo on his chest. SMDH.

when he is good, he is really, really, really good. he taps into the pure essence of black metal, which really covers a YUGE range of emotions. its not just “cold” or “grim” but it certainly includes those things. sorrow and beauty and nostalgia and epic and pride and and yearning and anger and hatred and angst and even romance and even some hwyte racial pride in there (but i dont expect any creators to acknowledge or even realize that last one. it still comes through implicitly. you cant escape becoming who you are, goy, hahahahahaha.)

and taake covers ALL these bases rather than just being hateful or just being depressive or just being grim, and keeps the music very dynamic, epic, interesting, hot-blooded, passionate, earnest, sincere.

except when it doesnt, then it’s just as boring as all other boring black metal.  but taake hits some very strong highs.

also hoest is a very powerful singer and has a recognizable voice.

he hangs out with some degenerates, so i hope he is less degenerate than them. i guarantee he is more degen than i would like him to be tho. he prob drinks too much, prob bangs too many dirty sluts, def has too many degen tattoos, has gone to jail, probably for drunkenly, stupidly fighting another drunk white man. (speculation). he sort of “apologized” as much as he could for the svastica incident in germany 2007.

he is an obvious narcissist who has HIMSELF on ALL of his album covers hahaha.  well a man needs to have CONFIDENCE in himself and not be a meek depressive self-loather!

would like to see video of him recording the albums. does he actually play the drums? on older abums I know he got a guest drummer.

what is his opinion on iron maiden? probably positive but what if its neutral?

does he have any illegitimate children? i could see him being a deadbeat father who leaves his bastard children with their metal/bar slut mothers so he can go on tour and bang more metal sluts. just speculation hahahaha. if he has children, i HOPE he takes care of the children. kinda hard to do when you are on tour months at a time though! which is why you should do like garth brooks and retire from touring when your kids are young. you can still play a few shows a year.

do like varg. release a string of classic albums when you are very young, then shift the focus from music to having 6 or more children.  music is a young man’s game. especially metal and black metal.

in other words, hoest should have retired from black metal in 2006 after hordaland, settled down with a NICE gurl and started having babies. how about he could get a job as a Music Teacher and still play music with a Norwegian Folk Group. but no more hateful drunken metal. he’s a family man nao.

but that didnt happen.

and we still would have had those classic first 3 albums, and he could have had 5 kids before he was 40. win win. instead he is making hit or miss albums and getting drunk at age 39. talk about despair. judge judge judge hahahahahahahaha. at least he is traveling the world and banging women and still makes 50% good albums hahahaha and has fans and is leaving some kind of legacy hahaha.

i bet he could just retire to bjoergvin and find a nice gurl even now. there are still good women left, even in the us, even in degen norway and sweden.

but would i let my virgin daughter marry hoest?

well, i would test the shit out of him first! no more tattoos, no more drinking, no more tours, no more sluts, from now on you are going to be a husband and father! i mean either that sounds good to you or it doesnt. to me it sounds great, except for providing for that family.

could he really be a music teacher? could he really make enough money to live off that in NORWAY, where they take 60% of your income in taxes and gas is 10 dollars a gallon and it costs 10000 dollars to rent a shoebox apartment?

would he want to be a music teacher? would he be a good music teacher? uhhh i think he’d enjoy it more than being a Call Center Agent or a Lidl/Tesco slave. maybe he has terrible people skills though.

well, you cant bang dozens of women and have terrible people skills.

how do i know he’s banged dozens of women? you can just tell.

men who bang dozens of women, even if they are horrible sluts, have what it takes to be successful in other areas of life. raw confidence and toughness and masculinity. he just has to be WILLING to give up the degenerate, sensualist life of booze and sluts.

i guess if you’re actually GETTING the sluts, it could be hard to give up. for me, even getting SLUTS was a huge struggle. for CHAD HOEST, I bet its as easy as a woman getting a chad.

i should clearly write a fanfic of chad hoests alternate life, then give it to him at the concert. then he will uh oh this guy is right, i better start making babies. i am 39 years old and a handsome hwyte man. what am i doing with my life. shit you can go to southern france like varg if norway has become too ridiculous. i dont doubt that it has. go to poland. go to hungary. go to romania. its all good. we’re all hwyte here.

russia and ukraine are great, i just worry that da J’s have too much power there. in poland possibly too.  guess its gotta be better than NORWAY. in terms of the current norwegian gummint.

lets make norway great again hahahaha.

hey i dont blame chad hoest for descending into sensualist degeneracy, look at what his HOME is BECOMING!

my home is becoming similar. and i descended into hateful nihilism of black metal and the hedonist sensualism of drugs and, in the past, alcohol and pr0n. never had the luxury of real live grills like chad tho. i hear that can be real hard to give up. i just cant put myself in chad’s shoes. and chad cant put himself in mine.

hey im no better. i just want to be lazy and do MJ all the time. muh brain and muh WILL is BROKEN.

i have bitterness towards women because they cant just injure, its always INSULT UPON INJURY with these demons hahahahaha. they cant just reject you and say sorry, they have to reject you and be huge mudshark sluts afterwards. you cant have me but all these other guys sure can. im a dirty degen slut, but im still too good for YOU, ya meek neet wimpy sissy loser child.

i guess they arent intentionally trying to “rub it in your face” when they do slutty shit after rejecting you and you just happen to hear about it because you are borderline stalking them hahahahahaha. then thats your fault. well shit. i argue they should be being sluts ANYWAY. no woman NEEDS to be a slut. fook that shit. its BAD, there is no use for it ever. makes schlomo say GOOD GOYIM. because it DESTROYS the goy race. not IMMEDIATELY, but in the long term. even 50 lousy years can do a hell of a lot of damage. that’s not too long term. that’s less than one lifetime.

can lead the horse to water but cant make them drink. this is one of the most important true cliches ever. very relevant for me and very relevant for others too. including that woman. its all about WILL. so do you blame yourself for FAILING TO INSPIRE WILL????!!?!???

did you really lead them to the right water?

why arent they drinking?

why arent you SELLING the water good enough? aren’t you SKILLED enough to SELL this water?

i would say dont blame yourself too much. sometimes there really is nothing you can do. GOD has to get in there and even HE might not be able to do anything. THE FREE WILL. what a horrible, horrible thing!

i had all the opportunities to succeed but i would rather sm0ke MJ, drnk alcohol, look at porn, and take it easy. coast.

i put myself all in for her and said take me or leave me and she left me as sure as you can leave a person.

KARMA hahahaha.

no im really not a bad guy i SWEAR. i never want to do anybody wrong. i just hated working hard when the payoff would come in longer than 4 years hahahaha.

I DIDNT REALIZE WHAT A BIG MISTAKE I WAS MAKING! I WAS YOUNG AND IMMATURE!

the problem was the mistake wasnt just one big mistake, it was many little mistakes over like 4 years, that were not super visible to me, or to anyone around me. shit if my fam was convinced i was making a Big Mistake, they would have done something about it. but NO ONE KNEW what a big mistake i was making. thats what especially sucks. no one knew, no one could stop me. and if i could go back in time, i would damn sure stop myself.

average of 8:53 hours of sleep a night. DAMN. well, there it is. cant argue with the numbers hahahaha.

just trying to figure out the best time to go to bed when i get up at 5 am. apparently 8 pm hehehehe. OR EARLIER. 7:15 pm, because i take about 45 minutes to fall asleep after i get into bed.

i dont even know what would have been good for me. military, i prob would have private pyled.

i think just go to local comm college while continuing to work muh job i had at age 17. gotten into a machine apprentice thing. but i prob wouldnt even have THOUGHT of that. it took me till at least 28 to determine that that was a good idea.

i would have still been like college sucks, working sucks, everything sucks, just get the easiest degree there is and prepare for a life of sucking hahahaha. get used to it. deal with it. but maybe i would have been physically prevented from doing as much MJ and alcohol. not sure though. i STILL managed to do a lot of MJ and alcohol when i was home with the fam. quite a damn bit, now that i think of it. DAMN.

well, i would have stayed at the job i had until i found something better. it was a very easy job and i wuldnt just quit it. basically i had to leave it because muh college got in the way too much. ironic.

also i never would have gotten laid and never would have made out or cuddled with grills hahahaha. well i prob would have made out with grills but may well have never stopped being a V at age 21 like i did. i mean shit if were a 30 year old VIRGIN my confidence would be even LOWER. at least i can say oh yeah i stopped being a VIRGIN at a SOMEWHAT normie age.

hehehe whats def NOT normie is how i never had secs or GF or makeout or cuddles SINCE then hahahaha.

anyway, it really is impossible to say. maybe i would have just gone to another kollige and things would have turned out just as bad. maybe i would have stayed at home and gone to local college and things would have turned out just as bad hahahaha. I was BORN to become a neet failure nevergf 11k a year loser.

ok ok ok these are all horribly negative thoughts and i shouldnt even be THINKING THEM, let alone writing them down for all eternity as part of “MUH LIFE STORY” hahahaha.

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i would not recommend putting all your money into MJ stocks, youd be better buying BTC hahahaha.

i would say if you get crabby like that, just lay donw and take a NAP if you can. if its a weekend and you dnt have to WORK or STUDY WORK hahaha. i did that, got at least 30 minutes, factored that into my Big Data. by number is inching closer and closer to 9 hours a night!

if i get 1 minute less than 9 hours of sleep every night, i get SO CRABBY i CANNOT FUNCTION hahahahaha.

i am like john cusack in high fidelity. thinking of all these women in the past, oh maybe she was the one, maybe she was the one, i should try to reconnect from this grill from 15 years ago, etc etc. not that ive actually done this. but it has crossed my mind. like lets give it another chance. and they are probably not gonna do the Reaching Out here. but im 40 and still single, what have i got to lose by Reaching Out to these people 10, 20 years later. i wasnt the one who ended this. i would have stayed with you and let it run its course if you didnt Prematurely Dump Me!

did he DUMP any of the women in that movie?

in real life, men actually DO dump women. hard to believe but its true.  i’ve never done it and dont really WANT to hahahaha.

and what an ANNOYING JOO cusack was in that annoying jooish movie!!!!!!! that is not how proud hwyte men act! this is not a man who is worthy of any woman! never act anything like that! its amazing he had been with like 5 women in his life! and not 0! he should have been a virgin!

stupid fookin jooish movie. cant believe i watched it like 3 times. this is why you stop being a big music fan when you become an adult. music is not a serious time consuming interest of successful, respectable adults. its like smokin MJ. its immature, arrested development.

why do you think people who smoke MJ listen to so much MUSIC hahahaha.

oh god i just want to sm0ke MJ.

GLR did not become joo wise until age 32 hahaha. i was 30 at the oldest. more like 28 hehehehe.

some people say you should get rid of all drunk driving laws and should only prosecute people for drunk driving if there is an accident and somebody gets hurt and the person at fault is drunk.

but no just pulling people over and giving them a misdemeanor 10k DUI for having 8% BAC.  no waiting to nab people coming out of bars. no dui checkpoints.

INTERESTING.

ok 730 planning to go to bed around 8. its science. did absolutely nothing productive this weekend. took naps, played cards, wrote whining shit. well i did do 2 loads of laundry, trimmed beard, took powerwalk on saturday i think. got concert ticket for furst concert in almost 2 years. worked on Budget. worked on Sleep Spreadsheet. wrote a ton of stuff, 25% of it good. created another spreadsheet showing the current sizes of all types of clothes i wear. measurements, sizes. dress shirts, pants, suits, chest, neck, legs, waist, arms, shoes, coats, shorts, undershorts, sweatpants, anything and everything as of mar 26 2017.

prepared a bunch of sound files. podcasts and taake albums.

crunched some serious analytics. gathered some good data and crunched some good numbers.

was just disappointing on muh job search, which i dont even want to really DO shit till like july, and also on muh powerwalking. yeah i should have gone to the gym but oh well. also gained almost 2 pounds hehehehe.

 

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DONT SINK TO THEIR LEVEL

dec 17

when young women are mixed race, they very often appear exotic and attractive and are in high demand. mixed race men turn out like pathetic hapas like elliott rodger who feel totally isolated, atomized, rootless, deracinated, neither white nor asian (or whatever) or at the very least have huge racial identity problems that the mixed race women  dont have. they;re like yeah i’m white AND i’m asian, very easy, and I’m hot as hell! I own it! and there will be no shortage of Thirsty Beetas to confirm to her that she’s hot as hell.

So women, IMHO, take race more for granted, don’t see how much race matters, they think you can be two races and its not a problem. they think HOW CUTE their mixed race babies would be. OH ID LUV TO HAVE A MIXED RACE BABY. THEYRE ALL SO CUTE, AND WHITE IS SO BORING.

WRONG.

but yeah this is obviously very dangerous thinking that they dont even realize is dangerous, so they need a strong racially conscious man to put his foot down, snatch up the women before she’s fooked too many nonwhites, and tell her, THIS IS THE WAY IT IS. we’re gonna have white children and then you’ll see why this is SO goddamn important. and you’ll be SO GLAD you never fooked any nonwhites.

well hunny, actually, i was a little embarrassed to tell you before, i had a slut period in high school for a month where i fooked the whole basketball team. but that’s ok, i was just 16 and exploring muh sexuality.  but that’s ok. im not ashamed and i have no regrets. it was a lot of fun.  its part of who i am. i mean i married YOU didnt I? not THEM!

hahahahahaha.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

had a dream with a young superqt woman i used to work with. she was super nice, got married young, still married, she occasionally appears in dreams. i think this clearly means that i would have liked to try Dating Her and that I possibly could have been Very Happy with her if we were Dating.  Yep not very doubtful on that.

in the dream she was hanging out with me, but the idea was, she was only hanging out with me because her First Choice was not there. She didn’t seem as nice and interested as she was in him. I was glad for the “chance” but she seemed distracted and not very interested. Then the next day her First Choice was back and she was all bubbly, nice, interested, and flirtatious with him, and I felt jelly and butthurt hahahahahaha.

yeah pretty straightforward interpretation here. it sucks to be an option. when you are a lower choice and they are your first choice. when you really like them, but they aren’t that interested in you. and then you see them get super interested in this other lucky guy. and then compare yourself to him. oh, he’s younger, taller, stronger, more confident, cooler, more popular, more smooth, more charismatic, funnier, more charming, more successful, more handsome, more interesting. more alpha, more masculine, tougher, more dominant. more winning. all that stuff.

anyway i never knew this qt young woman to be anything but very very nice and pleasant. always bubbly and smiling and laughing. i dont mind that. she was never bitchy to me. she smiled politely to me. now i never hung out with her and never became friends with her, because i knew from the beginning she had a BF, and i dont interfere with relships. let her dump him if she wants to fook other guys. well she didnt want to. she was a good girl hahaha. kinda like the good joo. they still have to go back. send them back to their homeland and all us huhwhyte men can live here and fook each other like women with gay satanist jack donovan as our leader hahaha. real alt right hahahaha.

heh. bernard. me and him have a similar view of women. i want to tell him, dont dislike women so much (nobody but crazy violent criminals really HATES women), you just got unlucky man, you met a lot of shitty women, i swear, some women are good, they arent ALL like that! and then i realize like bernard, i have been kinda unlucky too, lot of very disappointing women i’ve met, and given the shitty women bernard has experienced, i can’t BLAME him one bit for feeling very cold towards women. same with me! it all adds up! checks out! i gave them a chance! sure can’t say the same about them! they didnt give ME a chance!

hey i would LOVE to like women! just show me something worth liking!

well even now i am Reacting Emotionally. I’ve met plenty of women who had really really good moments. nobody is perfect. like that qt women from my dream was really really nice and likable. sheeeit even That Woman was insanely likable because she was so nice and pleasant and polite and nonobnoxious.

and just because i was hurt about being Thrown Away, now I think all women are monsters hahahaha.

she just got flustered and went into flight mode. i have done the SAME THING MANY a time. I get flustered about the littlest things. TERRIBLE at dealing with stress and pressure. just freeze, shut down, run away. how is this surprising? it’s not surpirsing AT ALL. so i kinda forgive her mostly, i totally udnerstand why….it just still hurt me greatly. still not over it. but def getting there thank GOD.

like if i were going out with the woman from my dream tonight and she were all into me, yeah that would be just fine.

but part of me still wants That Woman, and I would take her back if she came back to me.

Bernard tells stories of women that reappeared in his life 2 or 3 or 4 years later. and he was strong enough to say fook this shit, you didnt want to be with me the first time, you showed your true colors, how can i trust you, you havent changed, youve got worse, whats your scam, fook you no im not gonna give you another chance. this happened with at LEAST two women with him. so this shit DOES happen. and you know he was probably RIGHT to do that. these were crazy, untrustworthy, dumpster fire, horrible women. dodged a bullet.

so i think, well what if she started contacting me? i wouldnt be nearly so strong! i would say YES YES YASSSSSS! and be RIGHT back in full luv with her again. just like it was 2 years ago. i coul rekindle the shit REAL quick.

i mean who hates a person so much that you WANT them to be devastated when you dump them? I would never want that!!! I would do everything in my power to make sure they weren’t devastated!!!!!

not saying she WANTED me to be devastated. i’m referring to bernards women. they wanted HIM to be devastated, and they were mad when he wasn’t. that’s how shitty these women were. no wonder he doesnt like women hahahahaha. i am sorry for you uncle bern. you deserve so much better! and you get these fookin DUMPSTER FIRES. PSYCHO HOSE BEAST. cray cray. bipolar at best, more like damn BORDERLINE and sociopathic.

not all women are crazy evil sociopaths! not even most women. maybe. hehehehehe.

call in a favor from someone to do your dirty work for you hehehe. its not like you cant get people to do favors for you. get a thirsty omega orbiter to do it for you. i would totally take that. plus i would say, this bitch is ridiculous, i TOTALLY don’t want to be with someone like that. has an omega orbiter relay the message to me.

but yeah. one of muh biggest weaknesses in life is that i get FLUSTERED by very small things, and then dont think straight, and make stupid decisions, that have bad consequences, just because i can’t deal with stressful situations. get flustered so easy. and then act stupid. then people think im stupid. and that makes me REALLY MAD. but I would rather be mad than flustered or anxious. that is probably the worst feeling ever. just totally helpless like a child who wants their mommy to save them from the scary monster thats going to raep them, but then nobody ever comes, and the monster brutally raeps you and then you have to live with the shame of all that. its not like being K’d, that would in a way be better, cuz your suffering would END.

 

kinda think he uses a drum machine on the fuath album but it still sounds good. would prefer live drums OF COURSE. fairly compelling music, more sorrowful and cold than saor, which is not bad for a cold winter hehehe. also vocals are a lot more black metal than the weird napalm death style vocals of saor. which are not bad btw! but i just like they black metal style better. and the drum machine sounds tasteful…..but damn. i wish the guy could be as hardline against drum machines as I am.

kind of ironic that when I tried writing songs I used a Drum Machine hahahahahaha. but i wasn’t thrilled with the idea and knew I would rather have real drums. I would rather he attempted to play live drums himself even if he knows he is not the greatest drummer.

cuz yeah this music sounds immediately pretty enjoyable and it would be even better with a live drummer.

it would be funny if it actually WAS a live drummer. but i am so prejudiced i think everythings a MACHINE.

for the first burzum album varg had never played drums before. he just practiced for TWO DAYS before recording the album. and I luv the (amateurish) drum sound on that album. this andy marshall guy is a talented huhwhyte man just like varg. just play the damn drums like an amateur. its very endearing hahaha. did varg ever use a drum machine? did mikko A ever use a drum machine? come on. no one ever needs a drum machine for their one man black metal!

but this fuath….i could see myself enjoying it as much as i could possibly enjoy something with a drum machine!

yeah really clearly a machine on the fast bass drum bits. unfort.

but perfect album length at 41 minutes. its gotta be able to fit on ONE old school LP. which is lke 46 minutes tops IIRC.

GWW/Karen always had a pretty good impression on me, i mean she seems pretty solid, and even woman-disliker extraordinaire bernard should have a difficult time disliking her hahahaha. i think he would get along best with a woman like this, who pretty much thinks like a man, and seems kinda like a lesbian hahaha. this is the kind of woman bernard needs. he is a super logical not super emotional man, so he would fit best with a super logical, not super emotional woman, which karen seems to be!

i just think bernard would be a great father and its a shame that he only found crappy women. and their degeneracy rubbed off on him a little probably.

like the time where he was dating a woman with really nice legs but he didnt like her and wanted to be done with her, but he wasnt man enough to dump her, and then he ran into his ex gf, who was all hot to trot for him now, so then he banged the ex gf while he was still technically going out with his actual gf, thus making him a CHEATER! then he never responded to the hot to trot ex gf ever again because he just wanted to use her for secs one last time.

all in all pretty degenerate and negroish and i wish he condemned himself more for that particular degen incident.

the principled huhwhyte man would have dumped the bitchy gf, and never banged the crazy ex gf.

well, banging the ex gf is not as bad as technically cheating on your current gf. that is pretty disappointing. doesnt matter if they were on the outs. DONT SINK TO THEIR LEVEL. their shitty “morality” was started to rub off on him. NOT GOOD.

DONT SINK TO THEIR LEVEL.

i dont like to see moral people become generally more immoral.

i dont like to see good people go bad hahahaha.

not that that happened to bernard. in fact now i am thinking of that woman. did she really go bad though? i’ll never know. and would it make things BETTER if she did? why couldnt she have just had her MOM dump me for her hahahaha. and her mom could tell me, yeah she doesnt hate you, you were important to her, she just can’t deal with this situation, she is very sorry, but she doesnt share your feels, and im sorry, you must be really disappointed. you are a really good guy and would have been good for muh daughter. but this is what it is. ive talked to her and i can’t convince her to give you a chance. im sorry, this really sucks for you.

that would have been nice to hear hahahaha. dont even have to scrounge up 50 dollars to pay a shrink to give me the talk.

dont have 50 bucks? come on. how could a 25 year old woman not get 50 bucks. a thirsty omega would pay you 100 bucks just to HANG OUT with you and sniff your hair. 200 bucks if you smile at him and not act like an obnoxious bitch to him. for one hour of Friendly Hang Out Experience.

These Desperate Thirsty Omegas will pay Two Hundred Dollars for One Hour of Friendly Hangout Experience.

Sheeeeeeit i totally understand. I just might too. Thinking of all the Friendly Hangouts I had with That Woman before things got bad. and i didnt even pay her any money hahaha. i mean i bought 2 xmas presents and i bought her lunch and i bought her dinner i think. not that i think that entitles me to anything hahahahaha. well it entitles me to have her try to have her mom dump me for her hahahaha.

but yeah. have some dam respect for LIFE ITSELF. Human lives. the unborn, the men you date, the hearts you break, your damn self, the process that creates innocent new lives. have some damn respect for human life. this is what bothers me about women. aborting babies, throwing peopel away, breaking hearts, cheating, dumping, acting like sociopaths, enjoying being treated like meat, treating others as meat. this just seems DISGUSTING especially considering women are the MOTHERS of HUMAN LIFE.

ok now i am going off again. not all women are like that. NOT EVEN SHE was like that! she just did one cowardly thing, which wasn’t even surprising, now i’m making her, AND all women, out to be these satanic jooish monsters, which they are not, which even she is not! this is all in muh severely cognitively distorted head! im NOT THINKING CLEARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

shit im NEVER thinking clearly! I havent thought clearly since 2013 when i took a math class and thought clearly some of the time for that course. it was calc 2 and was pretty hard but i got an A because I NOT AN IDIOT, I SWEAR.

there is a horribly horribly disgustingly shocking ugly side to women. bernards seen it, i’ve seen it. the trouble is thinking all women have that dark side. but everyone has a kinda dark side. but it just seems that women’s dark side are so much worse than my own hahaha. and mine is pretty damn bad: total failure to live up to potential, lazy, drinking problem in the past, degen MJ smoking, cowardly omega. its pretty bad but i think its better than a woman who has had abortions, or cheated on guys, or broken 10 hearts, or fooked 10 guys, or fooked a guy she just met. all that is ugly as shit. uglier than anything i’ve ever done! and i’ve done a ton of shit im not proud of! they do worse and aren’t even ashamed of it! so fook YEAH i have a problem with that! I SHOULD have a problem with that!

yep im doing it again! back on the escalator again hahahaha.

jeez i just wanna sm0ke MJ right now! want to have a hugeass bag of MJ that will last me for at least 3 months!

i mean when i see qt young women, i dont want to JUST fook them like a negro animal. I want to protect them and be loyal and romantic and a strong man for them, a real traditional white knight. but NOT for some skank who doesnt deserve it! just saying i dont view women as pieces of meat. like if i am in church and i see a beautiful young girl. the jooish, pornified, negro mindset says, oh i wanna fook her hard, imagine her on muh dick. no. i have thoughts that are appropriate for a decent white man to have regarding treating women with some respect for their role as the Mothers Of Life. however that doesnt mean i will white knight for a dirty skank. so if she shows herself to be a dirty skank, i am fooking done. (unless I have already made muh bet. sunk muh cost. made my investment.)

WOMEN ARE THE MOTHERS OF LIFE.

hehehehehe.

buying Winter Thermal Super Warm Freezing Cold Weather Socks was very smart move on my part. cant believe i never did. just go to walmart and buy the thickest socks you can, and are marketed as arctic cold or some shit. they truly do keep your feet warmer.

 

HIDE THE STENCH

nov 13

good times hahahaha. not really. but they could be worse. when the going gets tuff. if you cant get a job with 510 applications and 28 interviews and 180 hours, then keep fighting until you have 1000 applications and 60 interviews and 360 hours. lower your standards from 12 an hour to 10 an hour, and be brave enough to take valium on the job to deal with angry customers when your company screws them and you have to uphold the screwing hahahahaha. it is what it is sir. we have no record of that. an explanation isnt gonna make this any better. there is no explanation. it is what it is. deal with it. goodbye.

ok. beautiful sunday. want to get in 45 minute walk NAO.

applied for job. data entry at hospital. diff one, little further away. long drive but oh well.

i gotta get better at my STORIES. have better WORK STORIES, with better examples, details, drama.

but i mean they are pretty good already. i guess they are just not good enough to get a 12 dollar an hour job. maybe i am aiming too high heheheh.

i just hate thinking of That Woman becoming so much more successful than me. she moves up, i move down. and once we were about equal. but she’s been winning at life while ive been losing. bigly. this feels like insult to injury but tech its not. however she did do insult to injury in other ways.

i mean its a big deal to me because i hate being a loser at life, and i hate it when people i luv throw me out of their life AND go on to become a big winner in life in ways that i have struggled and suffered and tried and failed and failed and failed for years. and they are 8, 10, 12 years younger than me, and have had more success, and less failure. they havent failed enough! they havent paid their dues! when do i stop suffering, failing, and paying my dues? how come i have to do that for 11, 12 years, while they only have to do it for 1, 2 years. plus shes an immature idiot! like a 50 foot baby with a machine gun! i do better work than her! smart, better, more VALUE!!!!!!! how come SHE can make 32k a year, but I cant even make 24k a year?

how am I ever supposed to PULL a woman who makes 32k a year when i cant even make 24k a year?

how am I ever supposed to reach my goal of a nice white wife and white children? becoming a total normie FAMILY MAN?????? thats not too much to ask, is it?!?!?!?!!

For me, it is!

ok ok ok that is a Negative Spiral of Negative Thoughts and I really need to avoid/stop those Spirals!

ok took 45 minute powerwalk, 170 calories, 2.4 miles hehe. listened to some good morning white america and daily shoah hehe.

36 minutes to apply for this 13 dollar job. ft days and bennies tho hahaha. kinda far tho. oh well. wont get an interview anyway. and if i do, it wont lead to an offer hahahaha.  super pessimistic. but i try not to SHOW pessimism OR desperation, because I know these things have a STENCH that employers (and women) can SMELL. so you HAVE to hide that stench. and I DO!!!!!!!

How do i Hide The Stench Better?

see the only way you can get RID of the stench at its ROOT is to get a job, or get a woman.

classic catch 22 of, the cure for the stench, is exactly what is driven away by the stench hahaha.

wewlad, ok applied for 3 jobs on a sunday, today they averaged 23 minutes each. bigly. big load.

it just sucks. you treat somebody with such value, and they treat you with no value, and they treat themselves with no value too. you would spend your life with them, sacrifice for them, have children with them, they would throw you away without a word and fook negros they just met like a jooish porno slut. taking loads all over face, making sex videos and noods with secsy guys they dont even know. make a baby, get an abortion, repeat prcess with other guys, just because they have the cocky confidence of negros.

NOT EVEN MOST white women prefer negros hahahahaha. i gotta stop thinking like that. it is bad.

well what does it matter if they do?

well it matters to ME and to other white working class cis christian male trump voters whose VOICE WAS HEARD during this election. WE EXIST and youre not gonna take our power without a fight hahaha.

it wasnt just white women who won this for trump, it was WHITES in general. a voting block. an interest group. of whites. all classes of whites. whites voting as a race hahaha.

so i shouldnt have held her in such high value. i was premature.

but i WASNT. yeah i was premature in falling in luv with her, because you should never do that until youre sure theyre in luv with YOU, but as far as valuing her as a person? not premature at all! we knew each other for years, had a good rel, she valued me, i valued her!

it wasnt like the women i “Casually Dated” earlier in life, 11 years ago, where it was beginnign middle and end all in just a few months.

thats muh point hahaha.

27 fookin interviews, now a 28th. come on. what the fook do these people want. how come SHE can handle this and i cant. how come SHE can make money and i cant. how come SHE can make a LOT MORE money and i cant. she can easily make 16 dollars an hour, i have to do 28 interviews just to make 11 dollars an hour.

so yeah in the end, thats the shit i hate. this isnt her FAULT, its just my Negative Thinking Spirals haha.

so yeah that shit isnt valid. im not allowed to be mad about that. but i AM allowed to be mad about How She Dumped me hahaha. that will never not be valid anger hehehehehe. but just stop all this shit about her making more money than me and being more successful than me. even if it is true hahahahaha.

hehehehehehehehe

but hes not a neet, has a good job, and works out, is not fat. also he is social and can talk to people. i BET he is SHORT AF. AND  asian or indian hahahahahaha.

i dunno. its just like jobs. you need to get USED to rejection. i mean i guess im USED to it, but i am also SLOWING DOWN. I’m TIRED of the rejection. its not the end of the world to get rejected, but ive def slowed down and become less passionate hehehehe. well i was never PASSIONATE. ok, how about lowER energy hahahaha.

i mean come on. i am TRYING to treat muh despair and muh anxiety by going to a shrink, taking meds, eating healthy, exercising, and trying to reach muh goals of getting a job.

so maybe i need to get a NEW shrink and go to them moar than once every 4 weeks. find a more hardcore shrink and go every 2 weeks.

yeah but i cant really afford that. i DEFINITELY dont WANT to spend the money. but maybe its a need i have convinced myself is a want hahahahaha.

needs you confuse as wants, wants you confuse as needs hahahahaha.

shitty feminist advice a few responses down, hope it gets downvoted

4th job on a sunday. air force. gs05 engineering job, 28k. probably get rej as not qualified, has happened before with simlar air force or army jobs. yet RECENT GRADS can get a PATHWAYS job at like 40k, gs07, yet i cant get an interview for a gs05, 28k job.

REAP WHAT YOU SOW. THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN, by making bad choices when i was young, mainly ommission type things, like not applying for a pathways job when i was a recent grad. it jsut seems out of proportion that because i missed that train, i dont even have a shot at a LESSER job later.

major edit on muh Document – edited unofficial college transcript down from 2 pages to 1 page. bringing document from 10 pages to 9 pages hahahahahah. i figure this will make me look less entitled and arrogant hahahaha.

206 credit hours of college i have. if we assume 30 credits per year, that is 6.87 full years of full time college hahahahaha. and still cant make 24k a year hahaha. at age 31. hahaha.

i mean i have to look a LITTLE arrogant to help HIDE THE STENCH.

ITS NOT OVERCOMPENSATION, ITS JUST COMPENSATION

hehehe its not a napoleon complex, its just a manlet who wants to have a normie power level. not a napoleon power level.

i have a LOT to make up for. so dont say im OVERcorrecting.

well feel a little better, saw a review on indeed for the bank that i wanted to get the IT job, and they said, well the benefits are good, but this IT dept expects WAY too much out of you and does not give you the support you need, expecting you to work miracles.

WELCOME TO I.T. hahahahahaha

and thats why i dont want to BE in IT, because i dont want to have to work miracles all day. its too thankless. PLUS i just dont give a shit about computers. they break and dont make any sense. just reinstall. rip it out and reinstall. take the hard drive out, blow on the connectors like an nes cartridge. if it still doesnt work, buy a new one. buy more ram, dont fix the memory leak in the program. hire another indian for dev. get an indian intern for free hahahaha.

HIDE THE STENCH.

kinda hard to do with the indian interns stinking up the IT office with their curry BO hahahahaha.

this is what multitasking has wrought. i always have at least two strands of thought running around like a demolition derby, often crashing into each other and increasing Net Confusion.

cant get a job, cant get a good woman, cant get a slutty woman, yet the woman i thought was a good woman now VASTLY outperforms me in the Work World, AND gives herself away at the lowest price, to TAKE ALL COMERS.

now there is a QUADRUPLE WHAMMY of insult upon insult upon insult upon injury!!!!!

ok ok ok STAHP JUST STAHP

why cant she just make less money tho. she doesnt even know shit about computers. she never took 1 computers class. she doesnt know any GIRLCODING! I took 4-6 coding courses!!! i have 35 credits in IT and Computer Science hahahaha. all she knows is reboot the computer and call us again when the error is on the screen. we have no record of that. it is what it is. theres nothing more we can do. it will be fixed in a future update, its a known issue. no eta on fix. is there anything else i can help you with? goodbye.

and she was never super duper career oriented either, thats something i liked about her. other women Forgo Serious Rels so they can go to College, Work on Careers, and Ride C0k carousel. She was just like a job is a job, better find a damn job, better not take out too many college loans. i dont want a masters degree, im just an average gurl, im not some kind of bossy ladyboss, i just want a regular job, i’m not a LEADER.

im kinda the same way.

welp ok so maybe its good i didnt get that IT job at the bank, but i would have liked the Records Back Office job at the same bank. i would still totally luv a call back you guys. and i can’t do anything more. i already sent muh thank you note, i always do that right after the interview. maybe I should wait until the end of the week of the interview hahahaha. so they can forget about me, THEN remember me.

so maybe i should go to VEGAS and smoke legal MJ in 2017 and gamble.

i went to vegas once when i was 29 and i had just met That Woman hahaha. vegas was ok. i mean it was exciting and warm. it would have been a lot better if i were a drinker……or they had legal MJ at that time. it was full of fooking southeast asians, mestizos, and degenerates. i didnt even really GAMBLE. I can technically play holdem but i was too cowardly to play a live table.

i would just as rather go to colorado or wash and do legal MJ because its more beautiful nature there. and that is a much bigger value add for me than gambling or asians. i mean sheeeeeit you can GAMBLE anywhere, uhhh i mean many states have legal casinos. thats nothing special.

nov 14

not a good match for FILE CLERK. obviously i didnt spend an hour tailoring my cover letter to show why i was THE BEST file clerk. simply stating the companies mission and saying i was all about efficiency and detail oriented isnt gonna cut it in current year.

been rejected without interview for FOUR File Clerk jobs with this stupid hospital. i only apply to them because they are one of the few companies that has actual File Clerk positions.  entry level jobs rather than supervisor/manager level jobs.

steve bannon. was associated with breitbart. tv news refers to him as “alt right.” prob not accurate. breitbart is more alt lite hahahaha. but its good to have an alt lite guy that high up eh?

and cnn says he made anti semitic remarks 10 years ago? EVEN BETTER!!!!!! PURGE THE BERGS AND STEINS!!!!!!!

i dont even hate individual joos if i know them and they are decent people. ive known a couple, one or two hahahaha. but as a whole, the top joos have done too much damage and have to go back.

heres the thing, you got your money joos and then you got your culture joos. you got your zionists and then you got your marxists. i dont care for either of them.

monday morning. checked the school jobs site on monday because they dont get to indeed ever, so i gotta make a note to check once a week. nothing new there unfort.

see shrink today, got to try to get something useful there.

how to stay motivated and productive with job search, how to not hate women, how to stop comparing myself to HER, ie she dumped me AND she is more successful/bigger winner than me. desire to do MJ all the time. being MORE productive, stepping game UP from just baby steps.

ok did muh pushups. ideally would like to get 1 job app done before 12, then do 45 min powerwalk, then shower, then shrink, and 2 or 3 more job apps after, and a 30-45 min powerwalk before Early Nightfall hehehe.

got a new pair of Athletic Shorts because the ones i have now have gotten so big that I worry about them falling down when I Brisk Jog hahahaha.  less than 10 dollars from amazon. had huge amazon gift card from market research study.

ok right on schedule here to get 1 app done by 12 hahahaha. but should i really waste my time applying to a 36k state job? i mean come on.

well because I cant FIND any 26k jobs hahaha. its easier to find a 36k job than a 26k job. there are more 36k job (openings?) than 26k file clerk jobs hahahaha.

i want to bang this successful career woman who Has It All in the Peloton commerical, she is like 32 years old, in very good shape, loves to bikeride 1488 miles a day, has a 3 year old child, and has a 5 million dollar house like a CEO. that HOUSE. are you KIDDING me.

interpreting the supervisors point of view. hahahahaha. how is this even a job requirement hahaha.

how about you just ask the supervisor what they mean. because that would waste TIME IS MONEY, TIMEMONEY, and the manager is known incompetent who doesnt know what he’s talking about, also he’s an abusive bullying asshole hahahaha.  he or she. so were hiring you to do the managers job and to read their damn mind.

ok took 2 mile powerwalk, shower.

how to take shit from people.

just keep apologizing. im sorry. im sorry. im really sorry. i wish there was something i could do. but theres nothing i can do. im sorry.

STOP SAYING IM SORRY! AND I CANT BELIEVE THERES NOTHING YOU CAN DO! LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER THEN!

I cant do that. theres nothing i can do. im sorry. im sorry.

repeat for 50 hours a day till you die hahaha.

have you ever found yourself in a situation where you were desperately saying IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY? it is pretty humiliating. I was in that situation with That Woman. I can assure you it was not good at all. i shouldnt have said im sorry so much, but thats how desperate and out of control i was. it sucked. she didnt like it either. she clearly saw me as weak and annoying. disgusting vermin. gregor samsa the jooish vermin bug hahahaha.

grindr gregor is not a goyim hahahahahahahahahahaha

sheeeeeeeeit. i mean i do FEEL more productive when i get 4 apps done in a day. other big achievements are doing 4 or 5 miles of walking and def getting under 1200 calories. is deffo another biggun. so yeah. if i can do 4 apps AND get under 1200, thats a good day. the 4 miles at that point is negligible.

heh. when a city job makes you fill out their pdf app……….and then makes it an uneditable pdf. and wants you to drop it off at city hall. they literally want you to print it out and handwrite it and they have no computer version of it. seems so……inefficient hahahaha.

well acrobat reader lets you add your own text thank God hahaha. GRAMMAR SCHOOL? REALLY? this is a hoity toity city and they want “grammar school” aka grade school. OK well i will jump thru a lot of hoops for a 32k job!

and then mail in the 13 pages with like 4 stamps hahahaha.

ok i completed the pdf, compressed it to a reasonable size, sent it to city email address, requesting confirmation, asked if i should also drop off a hard copy (OF COURSHE YOU SHOULD!!!!!!) because why should these well paid city lackeys of a richer city pay for printing when the working class slob applicant can hahahaha.

gonna have to go back to the well here and find some more jobs. the swamp. WE ARE GOING TO DRAIN. THE. SWAMP. hahahahaha.

went to shrink, didnt talk about much useful, just muh 4 interviews and the election haha.

welp, got below 1200 calories today, and 3 applications done, and 4.4 miles walking. did not get 4 done but i had to go to shrink hehe.

took 1 benadryl pill. it was tiny and it doesnt seem to be as strong as nyquil. which i guess is what i was going for. still feel a little sleepy tho.

yeah what bothers me about all this is, i just want to know am I a shitty person or not? did i do something horrible or not? was i a horrible niceguy or not? I have essentially been charged with a crime and i dont know if im guilty or not. i dont like that ambiguity. lack of closure. i want to know if i did something bad, or she just overreacted……..because i dont want to be a bad person or do bad things. period.

i mean yeah my gut tells me, i didnt do anything HORRIBLE per se, i wasnt a nice guy per se, and yes she DID overreact a LOT. however i was cowardly and i know how to act better in the future. but no im not a horrible person, i didnt do a horrible thing, im not xkcd friends comic niceguy.

i just reallllllllly dont want to be a niceguy either.

i dont think i was. per se. i had some niceguy tendencies but at the end of the day i said fook this shit, tore the bandaid off, took a final stand and died on that mountain, which a nice guy would totally not do.

THE SEVEN WEEK ITCH

oct 19

welp got 2 interview invites in 1 day, bringing muh average “up” to 1/19 hahahaha. 1 interview for every 19 apps. better than target of 1 out of 20 hahahahaha.

1 for IT Quality Assurance at healthcare place, that might be good. i dont have QA experience but i wish i did and I am fundamentally committed to the idea of quality! hahahaha.

and then interview for part time city job which i would like to get.

ok, this time, DONT TELL THE SECOND PLACE THAT THEY ARE SECOND PLACE!!!!

meaning, DONT be “up front” or “transparent” that I am interview with place xyz and that if they offer me the job, i have to take it!

my previous thought was, this makes me not look desperate. like i am a man with options. this might work with women, but not sure about Jobs. Jobs might only want you if THEY are your FIRST choice. by saying you’d take another job, you’re telling them they are not your first choice. therefore they wont pick you.

so, 2 interviews next week. and now up to 25 interviews, 479 apps. i was shooting for 25 and 500, so, even better.

25 interviews was kinda my Magic Number tho. like THERES NO WAY I wont get a job after 25 interviews.

course thats what I said about 20!

WELL, some of these things werent really INTERVIEWS tho. I added .5 for Testing Sessions and Phone Interviews.

well a phone interview is kinda an interview right? its at LEAST TWICE as stressful as taking a test right? so i really should count phone interviews for 1 instead of .5.

 

hehehehe i did not really get HEADDESK FACEPALM issues like this, i kinda wish i did, because then they would be EASY and I could EASILY BLAME the Stupid Idiot Luser and be CONFIDENT that I was right and knew what i was doing. When in reality i would get WEIRD shit and think, DAMN, I know even LESS than the User! I have no idea what this thing they’re using even is! I have to fix a tool they’re using which I’ve never seen or heard of before!

go to tales from tech support and read all the Long and especially Extra Long stories. that is kind of what our stuff was like hahahaha. Extra Long.

I am closer to these shockingly idiot Users than I am to Tech Support! so why am i am WORKING for tech support! i empathize and sympathize wiht the Lusers too much!

DOGSBODY. this is def a british people word, for “administrative assistant” or “secretary” or “factotum” or person who does the shit jobs noone else wants to do. slave, lackey, minion, grunt, monkey, meat.

a Half Day Shadow is more than enough to fully train you for everything in your job! Thank You Sir for the PRivilege of a Half Day Shadow!

2 interview invites in 1 day, thats gotta count for something right. so to celebrate, think i will only apply to 1 job (baby step), then do 10 pushups (baby step), then do a 1 hour powerwalk (kind of a baby step hahahaha), listen to new fatherland episode (not a baby step but a full pleasure, very comfy, like cuddling a QT or smokin a big MMJ hahahaha)

it is VERY frustrating when you apply for a job, then see the cover letter you used, and see that it has a mistake in it: misspelling, wrong company, wrong position title, some sort of error. and then you think, theres GOT to be ones i’m NOT catching. and i’ve caught at least 2 or 3 in the past 100 or so.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

 

 

like these tales from reddits

 

how to train your call centre dogsbodies

 

she has only ever been with OP, and the 2nd guy she fooked was this “gay guy” she fooked when fooked up one night. cheating on the OP.  now gf is crawling back and saying pls forgive me, take me back, you can fook other gurls, pls just take me back. OP has a bad feeling and doesnt really want to. i would probably say I FORGIVE YOU BABEY bla bla bal and then she would cheat on me again and give me aids hahahaah. grids.

once a cheater, always a cheater!

NOT EVEN ONCE!

So if I made it 30+ years without cheating “EVEN ONCE”…..uh i kinda want to STAY that way! and i also want a woman for muh wife who has never cheated even once.

 

 

heh this is what i dont like about reddit. they think the father is a horrible bigot because he doesnt want his 20 year old white daughter taking the BBC. well, i guess they could be jooish, here’s a situation where joos would call themselves white.

and she is JUST FINDING OUT her father is “racist.” because he has black friends and hasnt given any indication that hes a HORRIBLE BIGOT until his 20 yo daughter brings home a black silverback!

and all the reddit scum agree, oh yes, he’s a horrible person.

 

gf dumped guy, broke his poor heart, now is upgrading to a better man, and dumped boifran continues to torture and blame himself. yeah this sucks. its better when they downgrade to a shittier man…..but many times they dont hahahaha.  YOU are the shittier man because youre a big loser in life.

it just sucks when they Move On so QUICKLY and yeah i would like to see reddit shame the xgf for that. like you cant take more than a few weeks to be single and Process the Dead Rel? you IMMEDIATELY go out and find someone WAY better? at least accept that that is gonna do a NUMBER on this sad sack guy!

well at least he’s young and near to finishing an engin degree so the odds are in his favor of getting a good job with that.

i might just RESPOND on this thread because hes not getting enough sympathy!!!!!

yeah i responded with a rambling, incoherent, autistic thing. see if you can find it hahahahahahaha.

guy gets feelings for his close female friend. she doesnt feel the same way. he doesnt know what to do. they work together. but she doesnt HATE him for it and they still talk and she prob wants to be friends. well he is way more successful than me and younger than me hahahahaha. so i say just make money and bang bitches and put her on the SUPER back burner.

 

when she LITERALLY TELLS YOU she wants to “put you on the shelf” and fook other guys, DUMP HER!!!!!!! not ok!!!!!!

/r/relships is good in that there is a lot of input, some of it good.

/r/anxiety and /r/depression are both GODAWFUL because there are 10% of the posts here, and they are not very high quality. /r/relships always tells you go to therapy, and its just funny. they REALLY need therapy on anx and dep.  i mean, there is terrible/no advice on these. nothing actually useful. just yep i want to K muh self too, its hopeless, the end.

at least on relships they TRY. and the women give shitty annoying advice but half of the women TRY, and 75% of the men TRY.

THIRSTY. MEN ARE NATURALLY THIRSTY.

80% of men DONT REPRODUCE. 80% of men cant get a woman. 80% of men have been celibate for 2 years or longer. of COURSE most 80% of men are “THIRSTY” hahahahahahaha.

but you see what im saying. most men dont have any OPTIONS they can CHOOSE from. BEGGARS cant be CHOOSERS. BEGGARS are THIRSTY. its not BAD for them to be thirsty. dont THIRST SHAME them!

dont THIRST SHAME a man whose been crawling in the desert for 10 years!

in fact, to continue with this thirst metaphor, thirst is not inherently bad! it means you’re suffering because you’re not getting something you NEED!

so the proper response is, dont SHAME them, say oh noes, THIS MAN IS DYING OF THIRST! HE NEEDS SOME WATER STAT!!!!!!!!!!!!

now its not anyones JOB to do that for him….but his own skills may well be weakened. compromised.

so i should just go to a hooker is what you’re saying?

well i would much rather go to a FWB.

oct 20

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. interesting scenario, go to my usual social event and a new gurl is there, about 25 years old, white, very qt, friend of acquaintance of mine, so i figure thats fine, hes got DIBS on her if he wants, but i’m not entirely sure what his motives are, but if i think she is QT he prob does too!

she seems not super obnoxious or bitchy in personality, but also lets slip some potential huge baggage, like fam members dying of drugs, possibly crazy x bf’s, lots of male friends, possibly dated a black guy, or a guy with a REALLY black sounding name lets just say. who knows how many abortions, how manny cox.

and yet i found myself attracted to her, like wow what a qt, i dont care if she’s crazy, i dont care if she had a black boifran, i dont care if she’s been with about 10 guys by age 25, i just care that shes qt and doesnt have any children. and if she were showing me interest right now, i would like that a lot and i would get over That Woman a lot faster.

and then i felt ashamed and inferior because my social skills are pretty bad, i cannot keep up with banter with the normies, i dont hang out and go to the bar or bowling with the normies, and i have terrible Game and cannot Talk To Women, and thought “i have nothing to talk about with this woman. she has quickly written me off as the most boring guy ever. by age 25 women dont want to waste time with BORING, quiet, awkward guys.”

my excuse was, i just assumed the other guy had “DIBS” on her and I was happy to respect that. but if he DIDNT, and was just looking for a Degen FWB, which is actually very possible, and it’s Open Season, then yeah my game was horrible omega vrigin neet style.

so that made me not feel so confident. like a failure with women.

and also just felt like a failure socially in general cuz my normie acquaintances go out to bar and bowling together, even if they have to Work the next morning, and I am just realy awkward abotu hanging out. I cant contribute to the hilarious banter very smoothly and i do not show tonnes of interest in hanging out, HOWEVER these are decent people and it would be GOOD for me to hang out more, socialize, with decent people.

i mean i do try to be nice and try to act normie, but i just can’t keep up with the stream of constant banter. its not even ball busting banter, but just making jokes like a well adjusted normie. nothing mean spirited or douche baggy, like i say, these are decent positive people.

so yeah a bit of double whammy socially last night hahaha: i am terrible with women, i am terrible with people.

i thought of how high this gurls number would have to be to be a dealbreaker. probably 10, i thought. she can come in under 10 at age 25 right? thats not asking too much?

but what about the fooked up family? was she molested? ever raeped? was there really black guys she fooked? how many black guys? how many white guys hahahaha. is she a cheater? abortions? how many fwb’s? hows your father?

and you cant really ask ANY of these questions as small talk hahahahahahahaha but she did let some pretty big hints slip, and she wasnt even talking to me!

OCCAMS RAZOR sez, I just wanted to bang her because she was a young qt, fit my A E S T H E T I C pretty well as a pale skinned, long haired semi “alternative” gurl, who does MJ and is not a huge social butterfly. Chill Cool Gurl. and then i thought DAMN I would like to DO her, but I would ALSO like cuddling with her, and making out with her, and trying the nice sweet GFE with her.

WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING IF SHE WAS GFE AT ALL!

Basically if the woman is even close to my “type” physically, I will want to try the GFE with her. meaning, potential for FEELINGS.

so it was nice knowing that i could very likely get Real, True feelings for a woman again, AND also lower my unrealistically high standards: been with less than 10 guys AND no black guys AND no abortions AND no cheating AND no fooked up family AND no kids AND 25-27 yo AND 6.8/10 hahahahaha.

sheeeeeeit she MIGHT have children, she just didnt say anything about that. i guess having children is the REAL dealbreaker. she could be a huge mudshark slut for all I care.

well of COURSHE these things would have SERIOUS implications in a serious LTR, but uhhhh ive never gotten that far before. i guess i would gladly take the GFE for 3 months until i get dumped by a mudshark slut for being too clingy hahahahaha.

ok a 25m complaining about his 19 yo gf that she is immature and bad communicator. so why doesnt she just dump him hahaha.

WELL, my question is, HOW MUCH maturity should you EXPECT out of a 25 year old WOMAN?

i hate this, well, you can only be SO MATURE at such and such an age. people dont MATURE till age 40.

heres the thing hehehe: 25 is in a real gray area here. we can all agree that 20 is immature, 30 is mature. so what does that make 25 then? it could go both ways obviously.

ALSO, its not like this GF is running away from her older BF. she is posting on reddit in a way to Try To Help.

anyway. the good the bad and the ugly.

the GOOD thing about “meeting” this new woman yesterday (i had actually met her once before like 9 months ago?) is that it taught me that I AM capable of getting feelings for a woman in the future. that is not THAT woman hahaha.

the bad and the ugly, well we just went over all that above. really it might be ALL TOO EASY for me to get feelings for a BAD woman! like this new woman has red and yellow flags pointing to dumpster fire, but here I am wanting to do GFE with her! Rough Secs sure, but also tender secs and tender cuddling and dating!

basically you want to be nice to the young qt woman and have her be nice back to you, EVEN IF she is the biggest dumpster fire in the history of the world! you will put on the rose colored glasses and just IGNORE everything in favor of you FANTASY! you will WILLINGLY DELUDE YOURSELF!!!!!

and that is EXACTLY what I did for That Woman!!!!!!!! I willingly bought into a FANTASY so much that I thought the fantasy was reality!!!!!!!

this can happen when you are lonely and desperate and thirsty and you have a female friend who is 25, qt, no children, and somewhat nice. BOOM. ALL OVER.

well this got muh confidence back up, i just got TWO MORE INTERVIEWS today.

TWO INTERVIEWS PER DAY FOR TWO DAYS IN A ROW.

THAT is TRULY UNPRECEDENTLY.

FOUR INTERVIEWS IN TWO DAYS.

This is the biggest thing since actually DOING two interviews in one day. (although that sucked. here im talking about the INVITATION to interview. which does NOT suck hahahaha.)

which brings MUH NUMBER up to 27!!!!! HORRY SHEET!!!!!

so yeah good pipeline.

the two i got today are: one from “bank”, HR woman called me and said well you didnt get the tech job (i knew this) but they were offering ANOTHER interview for me that i had applied to in april, didnt get anything for, they reposted it, and then HR called me and said i didnt even need to apply again, they would just give me an interview. so yeah i was really impressed by this HR woman. well she DOES have a masters degree. i mean i generally get a very solid respectable culture vibe from this company, i like it. it is refreshing.

next interview was at my old old employer, now this is a PT job, not super enthused about this one, but this place i associate with good easy PT jobs, albeit low paying and no more than 25 hours a week tops, but its close, and easy.

but i would take the higher paying PT job from this other place i am interviewing next wed.

applied for 1 job today when i was interrupted in that by the two phone calls. hehehehe.

so when i get secsual feelings for a woman, its VERY EASILY extrapolated to “romantic” feelings. for me there is not a huge disconnect between secs and romance. which i think is the old school, natural, traditional, nondegen way to be! what GOD has made one, man should not separate!

ok. wewlad all these interviews and phone calls.

i think its ok to say i have interviews to the other employers. just dont say, well this other place is my first choice. but its PERFECTLY FINE and a good move to say, oh i cant meet you on that day, I HAVE ANOTHER INTERVIEW.

course now that i have SAILED past 25, maybe that is GAAAAAAWWWWWWD telling me that I actually need to get to 30 interviews, not 25.

but 25 is a much better number than 30!

really 33 or 34 is a better number than darn 30.

just know that chill, introverted, quiet, nonobnoxious women STILL have 60000000000000000000000 guy friends because men have to do all the Heavy Lifting of being Charismatic, Interesting, Initiative, Drivers Seat, etc. a woman doesnt have to do anything to have 60000000000000000000000000 except RESPOND to texts.

she can be kinda plain, a 6.6/10, as long as she is 25 and no kids, she will have NO SHORTAGE of Male Friends, and from them, and ENDLESS SUPPLY of potential suitors, fook buddies, whatever she wants.

im not saying this is wrong or bad, i just get BUTTHURT when i see women taking that for GRANTED. that i DO get butthurt about.

also its ANNOYING when women complain about their BF’s getting JELOUS and CONTROLLING because they are upset the gf has 600000000000000 male friends. but then the women complain when the bf has female friends, or, even more interesting, a female “BEST FRIEND.”

YOU SHOULDNT HAVE A “BEST FRIEND” OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. THAT IS EMOTIONALLY CHEATING ON YOUR BF.

or gf or whatever.

ideally, you would be single and available, and make your opposite sex Best Friend your actual Boifran. because best friend implies  closeness, intimacy, emotional connection that really MUDDIES THE WATERS when it is across Gender Lines. one person ALWAYS WANTS MORE hehehehe.

http://www.livescience.com/5031-hypermiling-driving-tricks-stretch-miles-gallon.html

heh. this is me. i would rather drive at 30 mph everywhere than stop at lights hahahahaha.

HYPERMILING hehehehe

i am not as obsessive about fuel efficiency, i just hate stopping at lights hahaha.

bbbbbut i still feel bad about being so PUSHY to her that she BLOCKED me.

bbbbbut i thought she didnt have to BLOCK me, she could have TALKED to me THEN blocked me.

bbbbbbut maybe im underestimating what a HORRIBLE CREEP NARCISSIST WOMAN HATER SCARY BABY I’m being!

ken bone said “i saw jennifer lawrences butt hole, and I liked it” on reddit hahahahaha.

i bet he did! i bet I would too! and any red blooded man!

i think i briefly looked at some of those pictures but not very long and dont remember a BHole pic, which is especially titillating.

then you think of your version of That Woman and how men have photos of HER BHole on THEIR phone. and women think all these guys just DELETE these pictures once they are done fooking. COME ON.

and i never even made out with her, or cuddled with her, or spent enough time with her, or got her to make an effort for me. show ME her BHole and gush jooice all over muh D. which she does for every tyrone and rodney and dontravius.

and i hate how i was so stupid and omega and weak and pushy that i Pushed her to this. i became what women hate the most: a spineless, supplicating orbiter, not even worthy of a courtesy text before Blocking.

well at least i didnt stalk her and Hound her afterwards. yeah i sent her emails. EMAILS. big deal. yeah they were long but she prob didnt even read them. might have just BLOCKED them.

what if your GF accuses you of being abusive, gaslighting, controlling, manipulating, a horrible person, but you dont think you are those things, but you do know you are a little jealous, clingy, needy, which maybe leads to some semi-controlling things, but not what you would call abusive or manipulative or gaslighting?

never teach women these words because they will use them against you hahahahaha. stop GASLIGHTING me! she’ll say, when you are calling her out for something genuinely ridiculous.

tyrone and leroy and rodney dont GASLIGHT me! they fook me HARD and take pictures of muh BHole and I like it!

also these women will be thrown for a LOOP when they see how WILLING I am to go to counseling with them. oh you think im controlling? well ok lets go to a shrink right now to fix this, unless youd rather walk away!

and then they would probably walk away, and spend a year trying to beg dontravius to go to a counselor hahahaha.

also women can CONVERT a male friend to a Lover at least 100 times more easily than a man can convert a female friend to a lover. AND THATS A DAMN FACT!!!!!

and i am NOT just talking about the other FACT that women have many MORE male friends than men have female friends. but controlling for this factor. because im very CONTROLLING hahahahaha.

 

ex gf returns 5 years later to apologize, make better closure, now ex bf is obsessing about her again, then she says lets go NC, and he is all confused and in luv with her again.

this is exactly why you go NC in the first place. while trying to have mature communication and get as much “CLOSURE” as you can at the time. you have like a 1 month window to get closure, then its over. NC 4 LYFE. Till Death.

heh. took some nyquil for the first time in a while. a whole dose. which will prob lead to “hangover” tomorrow.

well thing to remember is nyquil makes you dehydrated so you should drink A LOT of water right after taking it.

yeah i would still rather smoke MJ, but, really wouldnt want to do that with FOUR interviews coming up hehehehehe.

heheheh now thinking about getting a PO box for a few months just so i can have MMJ correspondence sent there. then i can always cancel it after like 2 or 3 months.

can get a small po box for 3 months for 20-25 bucks. this would be worf it to me hahahaha.

 

he is right to be suspicious! also he is too trusting of HER hehehehe.  so of course now HE is the one with “TRUST ISSUES.” what a bunch of manhaters hahaha.

 

interesting read hehehehe cuz yeah you can get an idea how they run their business by their priorities and the decisions they make in fixing problems. bandaids, fires, short term vs long term focus, etc.

heres a good one. i am still not sure whats going on. yet its my job to tell albert that this is the only workaround. also i dont have a manager who is approving me to escalate it to engineering. and albert would instead argue with me, well why CANT a patch fix it? why does it HAVE to be a full upgrade? and i would say I dont know, I can’t explain it to you, and I can’t transfer you to the guy who is telling me it CANT BE DONE.

but honestly, isnt that case a little CONFUSING? and you need to solve it in 20 minutes? every 20 minutes, a new weird case like this, all day, every day?

even the comments just make stupid jokes about vladimir without trying to clairfy the salty snacks patch business.

anyway. i just want to know if i did something really horrible to a person, or not. because i dont want to do horrible things to people! damn!

i really dont think i did! but i also dont trust my judgment, esp on relships!

but still. i dont think i did something horrible evil.

but it WAS a CLUSTERFOOK of a situation that would take AT LEAST a year to even START to make ANY progress. just being close to something THAT clusterfooky is bad.

i mean i dont WANT to be a horrible person! I WANT TO BE A GOOD PERSON!!! PRINCIPLED!!!!!!!!

though WOMEN think I am a horrible person, IM REALLY NOT A HORRIBLE PERSON? OR AM I?

WELL I REALLY DONT WANT TO BE!!!!!!!

im not as bothered by this as all this shouting makes it seem. although i certainly WAS!

right now i am just zoned out on nyquil. kinda bored tbh but too lazy to do anything. if i had MJ i would totes do it. lots of it. just waiting to go to bed tbh.

so right now i am more worried about the job situation than i am about that woman, and also some worrying about All Women In General, and generalizing TOO MUCH from That Woman To All Women, and i should NOT do that.

Not All Women Are Like That Woman!!!!!!!!!!1

and that woman wasnt even that BAD. but it was just that one thing that i didnt like. well not all women will do that one thing. namely dump you without a word, just a straight blocking.

oct 21

ok next day after full dose of nyquil. not a bad “hangover” at all. better than expected. and lemme make clear, the worst nyquil hangover is way better than the best alcohol hangover!

it is just IMPOSSIBLE to be Confident Around Women (and to a lesser extent, men) when you are a Jobless Bum!!!!!!!!

well maria bartiromo is like 50 years old and i would GLADLY bang the shit out of her and her huge probably fake tits. and i dont normally even pay attention to tits hahahahaha. i am much more of a legs/ass/hips man.

i mean her i wouldnt get any delusions or fantasies about the GFE because she is an Old Hag. i guess this si the ideal type of women to have for FWB. but tbh less than 1% of 50 year old women look nearly as good as her.

i dunno. i just hate having to explain to angry customers why we cant do this, when i dont understand why we cant do this. and i dont know if they are just being a bad customer, or my company is being a bad company. or really both are shitty, but whos worse. SHOULD the company be screwing THIS customer in THIS case.

finally passed the 2 thousand dollars of Work amount, which really is not a lot. in terms of Hours Of Work on muh job search, times 12 dollars an hour. i have only done 168 hours of actual work on the job search. which is DISGRACEFUL hahahahaha.

good lord. i dont ever want to become this blind hhahaha. its like she doesnt even realize CHEATING is horribly bad!

and this is the guys WIFE of SEVEN years. DAMN. maybe that is the “7 year itch.” shit i dunno. i never made it to seven MONTHS. technically, not even seven WEEKS.

bitches get the seven WEEK itch with me, hahahahahahahahaha.

the seven DAY itch, 7 HOUR itch more like it, amirite. can only keep a womans interest for 7 hours. great job. hahahaha.

i’m not THAT uninteresting! if women cared about IMPORTANT things, theyd see i was VERY interesting!

but then again, a woman who is too interested in politics is inherently crazy!

well, what about a woman who is super interested in MORALITY??!?!?!?!

yeah i would be ok with that. that would be great. because then she would be very interested in not being a dirty whore or cheater. yes.

and if she’s crazy…..well ALL women are CRAZY, just give me the ones that are MORAL. as long as their craziness doesnt compromise their MORALITY and make them behave immorally, like cheating, abandoning, or being a slut. then give me crazy moral all day erryday 4 lyfe.

shit who cares. as long as they are moral to me. shit go ahead and cheat on me, just dont dump me hahahahaha. work out a DEAL with me to dump me in a way that i can handle. like negotiating a payment plan.  to wean me off of you. and give me a pound of MJ too.

was reading city-data forums today. people in my region talking about getting a college degree and making 50k in their mid twenties. now im 30 and make 60k without a masters degree. i just had to have a good work ethic and work 70 to 80 hours a week for the first few years to pay my dues.

heh thing is, i dont want to work 80 hours a week to pay my dues.  would just as soon go crazy and quit!!!!!!!

why cant you jusy pay your dues at 40-50 hours a week?

how do people handle this?

i KNOW that having a qt waifu would help take the edge off, as would a steady source of MJ.

you can have another boifran, even a black one, just let me have my fantasy, dont talk about him, and hang out with me 1 or 2 times a week. and dont give me any diseases. and when you cut me off lets work out a cutting off PLAN.

i was doing a 3.2 mile powerwalk and about 1.5 miles from muh home I found, on the ground, a little canister for MMJ. horree sheet. it was broken and there was nothing in it OF COURSHE, but i just thought it was funny, considering muh obsession with getting a MMJ card and ultimately, a neverending supply of MMJ, and I would not throw my canisters on the side of the road like a negro.

maybe I should have Scraped the Canister for some Kief Krystals hahahahahahahahaha.

heh i dont necessarily think women would CHEAT on me with their male friends, but i WOULD totally worry that they, social butterflies that they are, always meeting interesting hot new guys, that they would find a guy that is better in the Mate Market than me, and then dump me for him.

i mean thats BETTER than CHEATING, but I really do HATE being DUMPED. replaced. traded in for an UPGRADE. really i cant imagine cheating being much worse. i mean the shit is probably gonna end anyway. might as well get as much time wiht the woman as you can.

yeah but she could give you a disease. and really cheating IS worse than dumping. why would you want to spend another minute with someone so immoral.

well maybe if someone cheats on you, its easier for you to HATE them, therefore easier to GET OVER them, because it’s much easier to BLAME them for doing smething OBVIOUSLY HORRIBLE. where dumping is not really horrible at all. you cant really HATE someone for dumping you. theyre not really WRONGING you. in the way that cheating is.

 

what a fooking dumb idiot slut. guy point blank tells her he doesnt like just secs without dating, she wants “just secs” from her “CRUSH” no less. I thought CRUSH meant you LIKED the person and wanted to DATE them. which is clearly what HE wants to do. i would like to think a 22 year old could be more mature than this. than a big slutty BABY.

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/

OH GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

sluts who fook chads and hate niceguys make fun of and mainly talk about how evil and rapey and creepy niceguys are, and how its so much better when chad nuts in their eye hahahahaha.

what i never got is, why do YOU LIKE treating people as a DOORMAT?

if someone were throwing themselves under my feet and wanting me to be a doormat, i mean it wouldnt even work, because IM NOT WILLING TO WALK ON ANOTHER PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IN ORDER TO BE A DOORMAT, THE WOMAN HAS TO BE WILLING TO WALK ON YOU!!!!!!!

i would say listen, stop being a doormat, Im not gonna walk on you.

no im not the worst niceguy ever, but i have some niceguy tendencies, and i can sympathize with some niceguys.

I mean honestly i would never say these things, i stopped saying woe is me, nice guys finish last, yeaaarrrrrssssss ago, so i am thankful for that. but i am still a meek timid nice guy. i know GOD DAMN ALL TOO FOOKING WELL that it doesnt entitle me to anything and that it is THE SHITTIEST, WORST strategy ever, and that women HATE nice guys.

i mean i wish they didnt hahahahahahahaha. stupid bitches and whores hahahaha.

apparently referring to women as “females” is telltale nice guy, means you treat them as a separate, unknowable species. dead giveaway.

i mean i very rarely use this term, i just say women to mean the same thing, a seaparate, stupid, slutty, species hahahaha.

anyway yeah what made things difficult with That Woman is that i DID know her, it WASNT a fantasy, i got to know her, knew the real her for 2.7 years. its not like i just MET her and immediately projected my fantasy waifu all over her. (which i have done with other women.) when i first met That Woman I wasnt projecting ANYTHING on her. i didnt even really THINK about her that much.  i just said well she seems like a nice gurl with a hard life, she deserves a good man, but i just cant be that man. oh shes got a boifran? well hope hes a good guy and they get married. oh theyre having trouble? well i hope they figure it out. then i meet him. oh he is a good guy, just a little autistic and stubborn. they can still work this out if he wants to. he doesnt want to. he’s done. he’s gone now. now ive known her for almost 2 years. jeez maybe i DO want to be a Good Guy 4 U. and if shes just gonna give it away to negros, why not me? yeah thats a little ENTITLED sure, but i didnt really feel entitled to her Dating me, as much as i felt ENTITLED to her ending the Rel in a more Sensitive way hahahaha. i never called her a fooking bitch to her face like these nice guys do.

yeah i mean the nice guys are cringeworthy, but these WOMEN dont need to HATE them so much. I REALLY doubt any of these nice guys would be Monstrous Abusers. shit, they cant even get a woman TO abuse hahahahaha.

if anything, CHAD would be somewhat more likely to be an abuser, IMHO!!!!!

I mean at least half of Chads are Good Guys anyway. to coin a term in contrast to “nice guys.” so then what do we call ACTUALLY nice guys? i say we call them “good guys”. i mean shit i still call them “nice guys” but then bitches like this subreddit think im talking about the bad kind of nice guys.

but yeah if a guy starts throwing him at your feet and saying WALK ON ME! IM A DOORMAT!!! that doesnt mean you HAVE to do it! i would say, stand the hell up, i dont walk on anybody.

 

 

 

THE 40 YEAR OLD NEET

oct 8

so the left and hillary and cuckolds are so disgusted by what trump said about “WOMEN”, as if he is endorsing Raep, telling men to go out and grab and force themselves on women, msnbc literally called him a “SEX CRIMINAL”, wen the point is, there are women, many women in the world for which this talk is accurate. sluts that give it up easy and allow themselves to be treated like meat, and on some level they enjoy it. short term gurls. sluts. not the type of gurls you bring home, not the type of gurls you invest in or marry or make the mother of your children. funtime gurls. these are the type of women trump is talking about, not ALL WOMEN. there are basically TWO types of women, hahahaha. the madonna and the whore hahahahahahaha.

well this is WRONG, we have to accept that all women have BOTH the madonna and the whore combined. that the same woman who likes being Grabbed By The Pvssy by Rich Powerful Men (or pushy negroes) is the SAME woman you need to have your children.

come on. do you REALLY think trump raised his DAUGHTER to be one of THOSE gurls??? does he want his daughters to be grabbed by the pvssy? no! he didnt raise those kind of daughters. and look at his children, all his damn children, they are wholesome as fook, well except his daughter married a joo. that might be a little better than being a disgraceful whore though. i mean she can always divorce the joo, or renounce jooishness. you cant renounce 40 cox you took in your whore past.

best song ever hahahahaha.

it hit me in feb 2015 during a very low and stressful point. my confidence was about as low as it is now, but my stress level was much higher as i was working terrible job. confidence was low because essentially muh rel with the woman Had Ended. She was DONE but i didnt realize it yet, i kept trying to hang out with her. talk to her. not realizing how DONE she was. not wanting her to be done. obviously. so at the end of long horrible days i would get blazed and listen to THIS SONG repeatedly and it actually calmed me down.  it was a truly positive memory. smokin spliffs and listening to this song. i remember that ritual fondly, even as it occurred in the middle of a pretty bad time.

i guess that is how much i enjoy degen negro MJ hahaha.

now i am glad to be rid of all that damn stress, but my confidence is just as low, or lower, because it sucks to be thrown away like that, and it takes a long time to bounce back, and, just as important, is it REALLY wrecks the confidence to be a jobless bum loser who cant get a job and cant keep a job and is thrown away by a woman he loves who makes more money than him and now hes struggling like hell to get a damn job that makes way less than she does.  in the long run the long term joblessness is probably affecting muh confidence MORE than the shit with HER.

cuz it means i can be a basic normie and work like everyone else. everyone gets dumped and heartbroken….but everyone else also carries on and works like a normie.

its a sad thing when a woman crosses over from being a good woman to a bad woman. the two types of women. to see a woman Spoil like that, its very sad, right up there with Losing A Child, losing a family member, being abandoned, losing your Livelihood.

fasting today because i somehow overate two days this week. damn. cut muh weigh ins to once a week, saturday afternoon, and today saw that i was EXACTLY THE SAME as last week. damn. prob cuz i had two cheat days in one week. and lemme tell ya folks, the cheat days dont feel like cheat days. its a damn struggle just to meet the goal.

stupid nyquil. i mean you just feel tired and low energy and kinda despairing and negative the next day, thats what i really dont like about it. wish i could just do MJ instead!

this was another big album for me when i was 17 or so, and by far MDB’s greatest album. the one two punch of “the crown of sympathy” and “turn loose the swans” near the END of the damn album is just brilliant and awesome. MDB would never even come close, which is kinda sad. 23 minutes of spine tingling musical perfection hehehehe and they  have been around longer than 23 YEARS hehehehe. more like 30 years. scary.

mixtape 2016 hahahaha

good thing i dont have a bitch to share this magical music with and take away my ability to enjoy it hehehehehahahaha.

ok “the cry of mankind” on their next album “the angel and the dark river” does come kinda close.

and then thats it folks, thats all the my dying bride you really need, sad to say.

good fathers dont raise gurls to become the TYPE of woman you just grab by the pvssy.

no NOT every woman has a little bit of this in her. but too many women do because they have been poisoned by our sick, degenerate, JOOISH culture which has been rammed down our throats since the SIXTIES.

for TWO OR THREE FULL GENERATIONS NOW. people MOTHERS and GRANDMOTHERS were degen sluts.

transilvanian hunger at .5 speed on youtube hahahahahaha. now they do pitch shift it so that sounds pretty weird.

dont marry some slut that likes it when men grab her by the pvssy like a slut.

there are two kinds of women in the world. those that would make good wives and mothers, and those that dont. which kind do you think trump was talking about. what kind of woman do you want to marry. what kind of woman do you want to raise your daughter to be. 

i cant put it any more plainly than that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i dont use question marks because these really arent questions.

funny. i remember a time BEFORE  i was in luv with her, and i thought clearly: you know, we get along great, and shes a great person, i really SHOULD be interested in her, but Im NOT. she would make a great wife and mother. maybe I should just FORCE myself to try to date her and see what happens. or make a PACT that if shes not married by 30, we can get married and have children, i mean I could do a LOT LOT LOTTTTTTTTTT worse, so WHAT if i dont feel a SPARK and im not in LUV with her.

and maybe I did “force” myself a little bit…….but when i did, it started an AVALANCHE, and the REAL TRUE LUV this avalanche unleashed was REAL AF and has taken 15 months to get over.

lesson: when i was being COMPLETELY LOGICAL about it, I logically saw that she was a good Mate for me and good wife and mother material. But I whined that I didnt have Special feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelings for her. So I tried to FORCE myself to have special feeeeeeelings for her…………..AND IT WORKED “BETTER” THAN I EVER EXPECTED.

what exactly did i do that was so effective? i dont even know. I just THOUGHT about it. really thought about what it would be like to make out with or fook her, rather than just say ew weird and STOP thinking about it. thinking about what it would be like to cuddle with her, which certainly was never as “weird.” thinking about some other guy fooking her helped a lot too hahahahahahaha. if he could, why couldnt i, hahahahahaha.

honestly this si not so complicated. when she was with her long term BF, i respected their relship and there was NO QUESTION to me that she was OFF LIMITS. when THAT ended, she was no longer off limits. and her getting into a short term, degenerate dating did nothing to change that. I will respect a 5 year rel, i wont respect a few months of “dating.” besides, that ended TOO.

trump wasnt talking about WOMEN you dumb cvnts, he was talking about SOME women, a certain KIND of woman, the kind you DONT want to marry or have kids with. the kind you have Netflix Chill Tinder FUN with.

all these women getting mad are the SAME women who have been Grabbed By The Pvssy by Strong Men……and they ENJOYED it. although they might have felt shame and regret later when the strong man dumped them.

marry women and raise daughters who DONT enjoy being grabbed by the pvssy. marry wives and raise women that would kick that man in the Ballz and then who would tell her husband or father, who would then knock that guy out with a solid punch to the face. the end.

or i guess the woman could do that too, or taze or pepper spray the guy.

like james bond says, i am a gentleman, but i’m not always a gentle man.

not sure if that was james bond. but it could have been.

now james bond was a degen who grabbed more than few women right in the pvssy, including nonwhite women. they guy was a damn near sex addict muh dick negro!

anyway did pretty much a 24 hour fast, then ate a huge dinner that i wanted to make special, got a order of Curry Noodle from thai place for the first time in at least 9 months. it was great. i ate the whole thing hahahahaha so that was probably more than my daily limit of 1200 calories, hahahaha.

well i measured it out and it was like 4 cups worth of rice noodles, ridic curry sauce, and chicken. turns out rice noodles do not have as many calories as i expected. less than 200 per cup.

i suppose there could be coconut milk in that curry sauce, and that stuff is pretty caloried.

if trump needs vouching for this women remark, and he SHOULDNT, i think his daughters could do a pretty good job of that.  i mean all his children are huge winners and they all really need to be playing an even larger role. and i think they would all vouch he was a good father.

i dont even know why im thinking about it. well all these republicucks saying they are gonna write in pence instead of vote trump. never thought of throwing your vote away on a write in candidate. but is that a REAL risk with regular voters? i just dont know.

i mean at the very least we need to split the country into 2 countries, right and left, and then maybe the right country could further break up into Ethnostates, and the left side would become a big brown muddy shithole like venezuela or something. all the white leftists and mudsharks who wanted diversity and nonwhite dick would be welcome to go there.

oct 9

maybe we are reaching a time of such peak degeneracy that men simply dont CARE anymore that their GF has been with 30 guys. like yeah shes a slut and been with 30 guys but im a manwhore and ive been with 50 gurls, were all sluts nao, who cares, its just animals fooking, if it does work out big deal, ill find another slut, i mean long term rels are stupid and doomed anyway, ill just keep fooking sluts till i die, and its not like ill ever fall in luv, all these sluts are basically the same, you get bored of them after a few months tops. why would i want to get MARRIED to one of these sluts. and have children? thats too much responsibility, then i cant bang sluts, get drunk, plus it costs too much money, i dont have that kind of money.

yeah this plaguewielder album is better than i remember it! indeed does have a great ride cymbal sound! and yeah i like it when darkthrone tries to sound at least somewhat like a BLACK metal band, whereas lately they are more about being a “pan-old-skool-heavy-metal band” which is theoretically ok…….but i just want more BLACK metal in there: more black metal vocals from culto, more “blasting” (ie not super fast, TH style “blasts) from fenriz, and the more typical “black metal” riffs to go along with that.

i dunno the riffs sound familiar because i heard them 14 years ago or so……but now they sound better. really kinda weird.

on transilvanian hunger he does that same beat for the first 24 minutes of the 40 minute album hahahahaha.

its weird that reddit is so permissive for men to watch porn, like yeah its normal for all men even married men to watch pron reguarly. no big deal.

heh. apparently some people use the phrase “hooking up” and they DONT mean Secs. They just mean “MAKING OUT.” well just SAY Making out becuase i automatically assume its Secs. youre painting a negative picture of yourself. so when somewhat says hooking up, ask them what that means.

also what about women who Blow guys but dont Fook them? thats almost as bad in my book. do you want a gurl who has Sucked Off 40 guys? also, if a gurl will blow you, shell fook you. i mean a damn dirty dick in your mouth, thats a pretty whorish thing to do. good gurls dont suck dick before fooking the guy, and they dont fook the guy until they have established a monogamous official rel.

so a woman that jumps to suck your dick the same day as meeting you, holy shit. really signalling what type of woman she is then. thank her for it hahahaha.

i mean its really hard, and probably IMPOSSIBLE, to simply LIKE a woman like that.

so its heartbreaking when a woman you LIKE turns out to BE like that, and i really wish she werent. but she is.

and also you have 10 times the difficulty getting and keeping a job, and everybody makes more money than you, including women, and you cant deal with life at age 30 hahahaha.

even the 40 year old virgin was not a neet. there should be a movie called the 40 year old neet. maybe he would be a virgin too. or better, he had secs with one woman once when he was 20, and that was it.

ok trying to start a table of poker to get my mind off and its sunday and i dont want to job search hehehe.

ideally i would like to do MJ but….i gotta find a better way to Self Soothe.

and yes MJ is degen…..but so is sitting around in neet despair!!!!!!!!!!!!

and mj alleviates the neet despair and ALSO makes it easier to survive nonneet working life.

shit makes it easier to survive neet life too!

i mean really. during my darkest times, smokin MJ was literally a light in the darkness. a ray of sunshine. i still remember those times fondly, even though they were surrounded by even darker times. i get a ridiculous amount of fun and enjoyment and happiness from MJ that I just cant get elsewhere in Life, except by being with a Beloved Waifu. and I just dont see there ever BEING one of those again. ipso fatso, better get back on the weed train.

i mean i was

https://forum.grasscity.com/threads/medical-marijuana-card-and-background-checks.820024/

i could just get a job in a restaurant because everyone who works in a restaurant smokes MJ!!!!!!

hehehehe.

how about this. give the sleazy waitress at this semi sleazy bar “restaurant” i go to a big tip and ask her where i can get some MJ. i guarantee she smokes MJ and probably does other stuff. supposedly the rule is front of house does coke and alcohol, back of house does MJ.

holy shit lisa link this is life doing an hour on The Pickup Artist Community

now she is talking to a 45 year old virgin who feels there is something deeply wrong with him and he just wants a normal loving relship and to be normal and confident and have a GF and eventually a wife and not be a damn weak weirdo virgin.

the show gets at the idea that this is not about secs, its about something deeper:

Pick Up is not about secs, its about finding a damn WIFE or a GF, from guys who are so unconfident and social failures than they cant even get SLUTS to have Secs with them. And its clear they dont really care about the secs as much as just having a damn long term rel with a woman. But They Can’t, because they cant even talk to a woman, they cant even date the EASIEST woman.

Its misleading that the pick up leaders talk about sluts and secs so much, but the lame weak virgin omegas who are the Customers, they want smething much less DEGENERATE: they just want an actual REL with a woman, they dont CARE about secs with sluts.

but apparently you need to practice your social skill on sluts before you can have good enough social skills to get a nonslut???!?!?!

i dont know, i’m close to the level of these pathetic customers myself! the only difference is that i DID have secs with an easy slut, i apparently had the social skills at age 21 to do that.

but never again! and really that was just a combination of me looking healthy and young, and being DRUNK!!!!

now i look about 20 years older and i dont drink any more.

interesting to see this is still around in 2016, but i guess im not suprised, there will always be desperate unconfident me.

telling that they have the men do confidence-building exercises, like walking on coals shouting “i like myself! i like myself!” hahahahahahahahahahaha. this truly does strike the root of the whole thing, that these men totally lack confidence, and thats the ROOT CAUSE of WHY they cant get women.

once i learned that simple lesson, i lost interest in pick up and got to the real deep political and racial and moral shit hehehehe.

but i STILL have no confidence and STILL cant pull women and would STILL benefit from pick up artist techniques!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

which is simply be masculine and be confident and you will get women. these arent really “techniques.” its a very natural way of being that its unnatural to not have those natural habits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

who CARES if its “canned” if the women are responding to it and fooking the guys? the women dont really CARE!!!!! why should YOU?????

and women cant understand this because NO woman has EVER been THIS desperate and lonely. they can’t believe that another human being can get this bad. but men can! it so clearly points out the simple profound truth: WOMEN ARE THE SUPPLY, MEN ARE THE DEMAND, and woman just cannot accept that! well because it shows women in a position of strength and power and privilege, rather than a helpless victim.

what brings these guys here? BECAUSE THEY HAVENT DATED A WOMAN FOR THEIR ENTIRE ADULT LIFE!!!! 10, 20 YEARS OF LONELINESS!!!!!

one guy is handsome but a sweet niceguy virgin.

one guy was married but the divorce crushed all his confidence.

but all these men are lonely and want a real rel with a woman. theyre not antisex either, but they cant even get sex, cuz they are not confident or aggressive enough.

the pua vince something has some good lessons but he dresses in a ridiculous peacock style that undermines his credibility. why not just dress like a Rich Preppy. Brooks Brothers or something. none of this pink mohawk peacock shit.

also you will probably pull better wife tier women with the preppy A E S T H E T I C  anyway.

so yeah thats great advice for all neet virgins out there: dress like total Chad The Superrich Preppy. Look like a white man in a brooks brothers catalog.

so just build confidence in the men.

but WHAT BUILDS CONFIDENCE IN MEN?

BEING SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

you can get some confidence WITHOUT women by being succesful in your JOB/CAREER (i and most neets are a total failure at this).

really the ONLY other option you can build confidence is by LIFTING.

these men are here because they are 29 years old and never had a GF and they are like holy shit this cant go on.

and sometimes much older than 29!!!!!!!

like we say, its not too weird if a guy is 21 and a virgin, even 23, maybe 25 at the latest. but after 25 it DOES start getting weird.

thankfully i stopped being a V at age 21, but I was more than weird enough, because i never really dated a woman by age 25, 30, etc. thats just as weird.

the show points out rightfully that men are becoming less masculine, more shy, etc.

this is very true, but WOMEN are also becoming more disgusting and degenerate and responding only to negro strongmen type masculinity. toxic masculinity hahahahahahahahahahaha.

women who have been with 40 guys and who have spent 10 years in relships just cant even relate to guys who have only been with 0-1 gurls and spent 0 months in relships. and vice versa.

of course i dont think these guys should be going to clubs either because these are full of nothing but degenerate gurls. i guess 1% of these gurls might be good women dragged along by their degen slut friends. well, with friends like that, it was inevitable theyd become sluts anyway.

besides banging 25 year old sluts would be good for their confidence, better than banging 35 year old sluts.

but yeah  i will give the tv show a littl crrrredit for realizing that its all about CONFIDENCE. because it really is.

i mean shit i wish i could buy confidence because its the most valuable thing a man can have.

well you can buy nice clothes and that does help.

well at least those guys, even the 45 year old virgin, had decent jobs. and a decent job didnt give them enough confidence to pull dirty negro fookin cvm bucket skanks!!!!!!!!!!! a good job didnt give them enough confidence to pull the cheapest, easiest, worst women!

also i think there is something to the “wolf pack” concept where average “beta” men can boost their confidence and “social capital” by going out in groups and giving them strength in numbers, that they might be able to Pull Easier than if they were completely alone.

so omega white men need to form GANGS instead of playing vidya in their basements hahahahaha.

just get some MJ and then invite Stoner Sluts to smoke MJ and then blow and then bang you. easy hahahahaha.

another great idea i had is that to find the more quality women on dating sites, you have to PAY for it. of course your competition i guess would get fiercer then, cuz its guys serious enough to PAY. also….if the women dont pay, wouldnt it be the same mudshark sluts you find on tinder or okcupid? but women shouldnt have to pay to be on a dating site! women are the supply, men are the demand!

well really women shouldnt be on ANY dating sites EVER for that very reason!!!!!!

so yeah i dont think i can really reach a conclusion here. either you will look better because the women wont be as bombarded with low quality men, so you’ll look better……..

or there will be a higher percentage of high quality men and you will look WORSE!!!!

so if you want to look better BY COMPARISON, then its best to go to free dating where there is a TON of shit so you can look good next to them! and the quality of women on ANY site, regardless of whether the MEN pay, is gonna be about the same!

so the REAL question is, are the WOMEN willing to pay to have access to the Higher Quality Men? and then you will pay to get into THAT pool.

because the goal is a high quality woman, not a low quality woman.

find a place that is is both a bar and a restaurant. then wait outside for the druggie degen workers to come outside for cig break. then ask them if they know where to get any MJ. give them 10 or 20 dollars for the info.

make sure the place is kind of sleazy and has some clientele who come there to get WASTED on cheap drinks. working class white people getting HAMMERED on 2 dollar big beers. and then they can order some burgers and fries to soak up all that beer and get food in the stomach to soak up MOAR BEER. then they stagger out, smoke some MJ, and fall right on their face and pass out and go to their Manual Labor Working Class Job the next day. that kind of place hahahahaha.

avoiding messages from their fat mudshark GF who eventually dumps them for a black guy, until they find another fat white trash mudshark, rinse and repeat hahahahaha.

what a life!

heh. i bet it DOES ruin a rel when the woman starts making more money than the man. never had that happen to me cuz i was never in a rel hahahaha but all the women i liked eventually went on to make more than me, and now, EVERYBODY makes more than me, and if i get a 12 dollar an hour job, most people will STILL make more than me, including women.

now im not talking about a situation where the woman has a medical degree and the man has a GED. then of COURSE she is gonna make more money than him. I ‘m talking about they ahve about the same level of education or the woman has LESS, and at the time they start their rel, they are making about the same, but over time, she just manages to fare better in her working life and get better paying jobs than her slightly-more-educated man.

like what happened with me and her hahahahahahahahaha.

sometimes i feel like my i dont want to say “hateful” but just disrespectful, contemptuous, chilly, cold attitude towards women, well if i feel this cold towards women, then what the hell does it matter if i look at porn? women are all dirty whores anyway!!!!!!!! i might as well use it to help me Jerk Off because I sure can’t think of anything real life to jerk off to!

so this is a slippery slope. WHAT DOES IT MATTER, WOMEN ARE ALL WHORES ANYWAY, and porn is a realistic representation of that!

well, WRONG, because even though normie women are huge whores, they are only HALF as bad as the whores in porno.

and its just harmful to the soul to watch porn and puts you in a degen mindset that is not good.

shit its better to just hate women and think all women are whores, than to WATCH whores being whores. i think i would just hate women even MORE and thats not good.

darkthrone. tried listening to “arctic thunder” again today. came out thinking welp the first song “tundra leech” is obviously the best, and i would be better served taking this reawakened interest in darkthrone and apply it to “mid era” albums: total death thru sardonic wrath. particularly, ravishing grimness thru hate them. 1999 to 2003, hahahaha. back when culto still tried to sound like a black metal singer and they still wanted to sound like a black metal band rather than a Heavy Metal band.

AND ITS NOT LIKE THEY DIDNT USE FOOKLOADS OF CELTIC FROST STYLE RIFFS THIS WHOLE TIME ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they never ever really got away from that except on fookin “transilvanian hunger!”

so just have those celtic frost riffs with sick black metal vocals, and the occasional “second wave black metal” (ie transilvanian hunger) riff!!!! and that pretty much sums up the albums of this 99 – 03 period!!!! or even on panzerfaust, the two styles are separated out into separate songs. not sure they have to be THAT autistic, but im also not complaining about one of muh all time favorite albums!

and yeah it is disappointing when one of your all time fav bands stops being so damn good!

REALLY transilvanian hunger is NOT a good representation of darkthrones style. overall. and i wish it were!

also, why couldnt ALL the songs on their new album be as good as that first one?

and why couldnt culto occasionally do an old style vocal once in a while? not that what he does on the album is BAD…..but his older style was BETTER.

i dunno. i just dunno. i am waiting to read more reviews of this new album, but i think people are holding back until the official release date.

listening to other sorta recent albums culto has done with sarke and “gift of gods” and again he is doing this kind of groaning vocal and not his vicious Black Metal vocal. unfortunate!. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

 

KEEP ON STRUGGULIN / SMART PEOPLE RUMINATE

mar 22

went to the shrink, better do post shrink analysis here.

i said i was concerned with muh woman hating, vs not all women are like that, and we talked about my Picker, some people pick crazy shitty people and say why are all women like that, when really its just them picking the worst women ever. fact is my PICKER isnt THAT fooked up. I picked a couple of actually decent women. at least half were good, defensible choices. they weren’t all crazy pieces of shit. even the ones that were bad or crazy, I can see how or why they were crazy, and I don’t hate them like I used to. even THAT WOMAN she’s not literally crazy or shitty or horrible….she just did a cowardly thing that happened to hurt me a lot. she didnt even want to hurt me a lot. if she did this to anyone else, they would not hurt as much. it’s not first degree evil, its more like manslaughter or accidental death. well….it wasn’t quite ACCIDENTAL.

anyway i can still read warning signs. I read the warning signs that said our rel was In Trouble, I just didn’t see anything that said it was gonna BLOW UP like it did. it didn’t think it was gonna be THIS bad. but it was CLEAR that things were not going well, and that she prob didnt want to Date me, but would rather get fooked by random Tyrones than be with a man who was truly committed to her hahahaha.

basically when i am sitting there talking to people I am not as weird or as fooked up as I think I am. is that just me wearing the mask? or is that my real self? i dunno I really dont think its a mask per se. i really dont. if anything i dont have any mask with the shrink and i am pretty comfortable talking to them!

i mean im not lying! i dont WANT to hate women!!!! i really hope not all women are like that!

i dont like being confused and overwhelmed all day where I dont know what to do….but i gotta do SOMETHING to solve the weirdass problems. think outside of the box ALL the time with lots of pressure. I can think outside of the box 50% of the time, but 100% of the time?

http://www.theapricity.com/forum/showthread.php?49040-Would-you-date-a-partner-which-had-relations-with-another-race-Or-damaged-Goods

i forgot about the apricity, a european cultural forum. they get really autistic about dna and mdna and ydna and clades and subraces and shit and allow nonwhites and jews and albanians hahah.

mar 23

AYO HOL UP HOL UP. AYO. HOL UP.

YOU TELLIN ME DAT PAUL NEWMAN was a JOO?????????

his FATHER was a 100% joo and his mother was slovak shiksa. so paul was 50% J. still not good. most 50% J’s identify as J’s. but i thought this masculine handsome man was 100% goy!!!! damn!!!!!

anyway just wanted to add that i have tons of unanswered questions, that will NEVER be answered. like what did she really think, what did she really feel. yes it matters to me. because i cared what she thought, and also it affects me directly.

i realized that another big thing i liked about her was that she was HONEST. I never got the impression that she was hiding anythign from me, that she had a double life. she was HONEST. that is HUGE. i TRUSTED her. so YUGE. many women, I get the feeling pretty quick they are not telling me the full story. like of all their guy friends they are banging hahaha. or that they are losing interest in me and dont really enjoy spending time with boring lame weak nice old me hahaha. they meet exciting secsy new guys all the time. ms popular.

she wasnt like that AT ALL. she had barely any friends, she would drop her friends when they turned out to be bad influence losers, and just hang out with her family instead. i liked this. these are all good signals.

an when she was avoiding me, she had excuses, but they weren’t really LIES. and I really dont think she was LYING when she said she wanted to hang out at some point.

what she didnt say though, was that she wanted me to lose my feelings for her before we could hang out again.

i think she was honestly interested in staying friends for the long term…..IF I didnt get special feelings for her. she couldn’t handle that AT ALL.

and at that point she didn’t LIE, she just stuck her head in the sand like an ostrich.

but yeah i just wanted to note that it was very important to me that she was so honest. that is a very important quality for me. very very very. not that i’ve had women BLATANTLY lie to me….but they had a very sneaky, covert, duplicitous, two faced way of hiding things and almost being two people. I HATE that sneaky shit. HATE it.  It’s The Woman’s preferred way of lying. I would PREFER BLATANT lies. boldface lies. not these sneaky jooish lies. and i dont mean to imply they are “little white lies.” little white lies are harmless. these sneaky lies are harmful. like yeah im gonna dump you because id rather fook more interesting guys. bet ya didnt see that coming! well….i kinda did, cuz its not like i really TRUSTED them. I WISHED I could trust them, but i clearly couldnt.

with her, I really TRUSTED her, and she did seem really honest and trustworthy. And technically she never lied to me! she was honest but was a big time AVOIDER. avoiding sucks but it isnt really lying.

and yeah we got along GREAT. it was a very special good friendship where we got along so well. I appreciated that. it was no surprise that it finally “CLICKED” for me. That I wanted this great special friendship to go to the next level. it’s not every day you meet someone you get along with THIS well. only happens a couple of times in your life.

i dont like Online Dating because you just meet too many people short term and it seems like a job interview except with fooking. i am sure it leads to promiscuity. i mean if you go out with a guy for 3 dates, you HAVE to fook him right? then immediately lose interest in him and Ghost him hahahaha. repeat the process with another online guy. check the check boxes. well this guy is OK but not great. and there are 60000000000000 other guys out there willing to Date me. one of thems gotta be better.

this is the total opposite of how we became friends. i first met her at a job, we got along immediately but i didn’t trust her right away becuase im not an idiot. but after months and months of getting along well, i began to trust her and know her better.

with online dating, youre not going to get months and months to get to know someone better. you have a good impression on the first date, good impression on the second date, then fook, then continue making good impressions or you’re gone and IMMEDIATELY replaced with a new candidate. or you already know the woman is having several first dates with new men every week, because that’s normal and not frowned upon like it should be.

and thats the world shes getting into. its horrible for women and its not great for me either.

why couldnt she appreciate how WELL we got along?  that doesnt come along very often in life!!!!!!!! it was a special thing!!!!! treat it like its special!

but I can forgive her because i know this was just cowardice and immaturity and stupidity. there was no malice or deception intended. it was just a big baby acting like a big baby.

i think ideally she WANTED to continue being friends. but she also wanted me to stop these feelings. and i just couldnt do that. if i could i would!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I was bad about communicating and she was 600000000 times WORSE.

so i have good reason to believe that she WAS hurt by losing our rel, as I would hope that she would be, that she DID find our rel important to her, she wasn’t LYING about that……i just wish she had the BACKBONE to be able to TELL me that, so that it was NEVER in doubt.

so many unanswered questions. so many questions i have to ask her, like what were you honestly thinking and feeling? For you theres not so many unanswered questions becuase I wrote you long emails and tried to answer any question you might have had about my feelings and how things developed. I just wanted you to similarly answer some questions for me. just share your feelings honestly with me. I know you can be honest. I luved your honesty.

so yeah it was very important for me just to get along so well with a female human being. that hadn’t happened since like 2005. took 7 years for me to meet her and have it happen again. also i didnt fall in luv with the woman from 2005!!!!! she was literally just a friend and I was fine with that.

heh. i don’t mind being friends with women. i LIKE it because it proves i dont hate women, and that i can get along with women. and unlike Dating, everything isnt stupid and rushed. I dont have to wear a mask and pretend to be more macho, or feel pressured to have secs too soon, like all women want to cuz theyre sluts. dating sucks, being friends is fun and positive. i like getting along with women. and at this point, my ideal is friends first, then develop into moar. because you actually have something there that’s real, long term, sustainable, sustaining. my friendships with women have always seemed a lot more REAL than when i dated women, which was like a rushed production. it was real fun in parts, but overall, it was a rushed production. not so with my women friends. there everything was completely natural and good. until i got feeligns hahaha. but it would have been so good if it worked out.

i mean i can reasonable conclude answers to most of my questions and try to reassure myself with that: she doesnt HATE me, i didnt do anything WRONG, she doesnt’ think i BETRAYED her, she just wanted to AVOID stress, she DOES value knowing me and thought our time together was special and good…….but it would have been 6 gorillion times better if she had just TOLD me that. or wrote me an email telling me that hahaha.

i told you a bunch of stuff even though you didnt ask. didn’t you care enough to ask? i think she did care, she was just too cowardly to ask, there wasnt enough BENEFIT to her to ask. besides, I gave her a lot of answers, so therefore, less incentive to contact me for more answers.

well, assuming she even read the emails. that’s something i’ll never know. I’m sort of assuming she just deleted them, or never read them. but maybe she did! I hoped she did but i’ll never know if she did. if she wanted information and answers and explanation from me, she could find of ton of that in there. i gave her everything she could possibly want: answers, explanation, availability, openness, willingness, and also I flipped out and left the job, which meant, for her, that she didn’t have to see me, look at me, deal with my Creepiness. So it was technically a huge WIN WIN for her. she could very realistically pretend I never existed. She could ignore me and I would go away.  it worked out perfectly for her. she continues at the job, moves up in career and life, meets exciting new men, our Good Friendship becomes an increasingly faded and forgotten memory, there is plenty of fun new stuff to overshadow it.

meanwhile i am completely devastated because i can’t deal with stress. a little bit of stress and rejection and heartbreak and my whole life is literally ruined. this is a way of symbolically K’ing myself, because I am not into actual literal Suizid. some people eat a bottle of pills, some slash their wrists, a cry for help, some people cut themselves, drink too much…….i just quit my job and become a neet loser hahahaha.

my yeah. muh feelings. it hurts to have an important person in your life and then boom they are totally gone. not because they died, but because they LEFT you. COMPLETELY. left you and completely BLOCKED you. it would be better to have one of those half-ass break ups where you think you might get back together again because she’s being too nice to you. like what happened with woman2005. then eventually i came to hate her in a way i will never hate This Woman, and probably that hate helped me get over woman2005. that took way too long thouh hahaha.

i just take a long time to get over women in general. it sucks.

i either want to have HER, or to find someone new as quickly as possible to replace her and forget about her. but i know it just doesnt WORK like that. it just takes a very long time to get over the previous person. so i hate it when women jump into new rels so quickly just because they can. it’s not fair to the man. take a long break from dating AND FOOKING AND ALL PHYSICAL STUFF when you end a rel, BITCHES. hahahaha.

but yeah the feeling of being replaced. she would rather fook some new guy than hang out with me, rather have casual meaningless sex than give our rel the respect it deserved. unbelievable. DISGUSTING.

but we actually had spent a decent amount of time together over the years. she never used to blow me off, avoid me, I wasn’t like her guy of the week where she was interested in me for like a week or a month like some other women. she didnt treat people like that, and i liked that about her. i don’t want to hang out with people who burn through their interest in me so quickly. im not just some flavor of the week hahaha. i am all about long term everything. no social relationship, friendship, or Romance should EVER be short term.

its not so much she did a 180.  i didnt feel she was being dishonest. if anything she was confused and didnt know what to do, so she did nothing. she probably KNEW the right thing to do, but she avoided doing it because it was too HARD. I guess I just want to know that she was smart and decent enough to even KNOW what the right thing to do here was.

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2013/12/23/finding-a-poosy-paradise-by-womens-number-of-facebook-friends-around-the-world/

hehehe THAT WOMAN was also not an ATTENTION WHORE who had 500 or more fb friends!

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2015/05/20/the-thirst-a-closer-analysis/

hehehe he is honestly an excellent writer. that makes me more willing to believe his degenerate points, which may be bad. but this isnt degenerate, its just Human Nature goy!! there are rumors that heartiste is at least somewhat a J, and that he gets his ideas from Black Bigman Ooga Booga Thuggery. But women will respond better to a Caricature of Masculinty than the absolutely lack of masculinity from modern white males like carl the cuck or aids skrillex hahahaha.

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2014/05/16/incel-vs-insol/

mar 24

had a weird dream, interesting dream. yes she was in it for 1 second. we were in this large building or ship. there were lots of rooms and floors and a decent amount of people in there. the place seemed kind of dingy and shitty overall. but behind one small unassuming door in a small unassuming room, the door opened up into a huge magnificent ballroom. it was in a slight state of disrepair but it was clear it could be fixed up with any effort. it was huge and just kept going and going. in that dreamlike way, it was SOOO big that eventually it became Outdoors.

anyway i found a small hole next to an old car and for whatever reason climbed into the hole and slid down to the bottom, which was a lot further than i expected. it was a tiny cramped narrow hole but a very long one. very claustrophobia inducing. there were other people in the hole all holding onto each others legs so they didnt slip further. i was now the bottom person in the hole. to get out i had to climb up all of the other people in the hole.

essentially it was last one in, first one out; first one in, last one out.

so the people nearer the top kinda get screwed. they have to wait longer before they can climb out.

now once i got out i stayed at the opening of the hole and tried to help people. not sure how that worked but i tried hahaha. i morally supported everybody hahaha. said its ok keep going were gonna get you out of here soon.

so i figured that was a good metaphor for my life and my mission: to help people who had fallen down the same hole I did.

so i saw HER in the dream because i was on the WARPATH looking for her: “she’s AVOIDING me, but im gonna FIND her!” she was avoiding me but not making a huge effort to HIDE from me, so I found her a few rooms over, hanging out with her new exciting secsy friends. only it wasn’t really like that. she appeared to be laying on a couch with a much older man laying on top her her. like a 60 year old man. but they werent doing anything Secsy. weird. the whole room was filled with quiet sad looking people. I came in and made a scene like “HA! I FOUND YOU! YOU CANT HIDE FROM ME!” and then I found out everyone was so quiet and sad because it was some kind of memorial service for a dead person. great. now i looked like a real asshole. and she would never come back to me. not sure why the old man was laying on top of her. maybe it implies she was molested by an adult when she was young? but I really don’t think she was!!!!!!!!! MAYBE she was. it would explain quite a lot actually. but i have no idea, no proof, and i will never know.  its POSSIBLE and it would explain a bit of her behavior. she may have had a deadbeat father but her mother was pretty good as far as single mothers go, took good care of her, did not neglect her, and prob would not let her be molested! but still all it takes is once, plus children can be scared to come forward.

but yeah its NICE to have an ACTUAL female friend for several YEARS, it’s an actual real relationship with a woman, not some open and shut charade where it begins and ends within 3 months. they quickly lose interest in you and are immediately with a new more exciting guy.

not with her, she was open and honest with me from the beginning, was interested in me, cared for me, gave me time and attention for about 2 YEARS. that is pretty valuable and special IMHO.

like i say, it was a muuuuuuch more important relationship than any of the gurls i “dated”, which were all under 3 months. short term BULLSHIT. this was a long term rel that actually meant something.

yes that is very hard to lose.

yeah i was more invested so i can’t really blame her for “breaking my heart” as much as I can be mad and disappointed in her for simply not CARING that I was HURTING. In a longterm friendship you usually show CARE and CONCERN for the FEELINGS of the other person.

anyway. how do you bullshit a person when you dont know what you’re doing? how much should you study every day after work? well no more than 2 hours i would say. you still gotta go to the gym, GOMAD, and spend time with your family. and stay up till 4 am writing papers for your univ of pheonix class, so you can one day make 16 DAH in an office job, really advance your career, and find a good white wife with all that money and confidence hahaha!

then get 2 hours of sleep and go try to solve weird problems on the phone for 10 hours where it feels like a test that you did not study for at all, an oral exam administered by impatient proctors. “what do you mean? that doesnt make sense. well what happens if bla bla bla bla stuff you’ve never heard of before?” “uhhhhhh i dunno let me try to find out for you, please hold.” 5 minutes later. “Ok did you mean x or y or z?” “what do you mean? I’m just saying bla bla bla bla.” “ok please hold, let me ask again.” 5 minute later. “ok here’s what they’re saying. they’re saying this can’t be done, its not built to do this.”  “well are they gonna fix it? this sucks.” “yep it does suck. and no, I don’t believe they are gonna fix it any time soon. i can check if you give me 5 minutes.” “no thats ok. but what do i do here now?” “hmmmmmmm. great question. let me get back to you in 5 minutes. too bad the level 2 didn’t advise me what you should actually DO here, 5 to 10 minutes ago. please hold!” asking the level 2: “so what do they actually DO here? caller is confused and so am I. I don’t know what to tell them. Is there anything they can DO.” 5 minutes later, from level 2: “Nope not really. can’t be fixed. tell them to start over again I guess.” to customer: “level 2 says nope nothing you can do but start over. i guess hahahaha.” “can I talk to this level 2? I can’t believe they said that.” “neither can I, but I promise you they did, and I can’t think of a way to candy coat it. but you can’t talk to them. they have to give shitty answers to 20 different people in this chat room for the next 4 hours, they can’t take calls.” “wtf kind of operation are you running over there?” “yeah I know. its absolutely ridiculous. I couldn’t explain it to you even if I understood it. But a lot of time I end up trying to explain things I don’t really understand.  it truly boggles the mind and will drive you insane. want to switch jobs? please save me from this hell! what did I do to deserve this! I must have made baby torture snuff videos in a previous life!!! I must have been the worst person ever! Why is GOD Punishing me like he did with Job? at least Job had strong faith and a successful life! You’re not really teaching me anything here GOD, except that life is suffering!”

Well, life kind of IS suffering!

Well, maybe the more accurate thing to say is life is STRUGGLING, but it doesn’t have to be constantly SUFFERING. you suffer too much, and then you lose the will to keep on struggling.

anyway the job is sorta like that scene in monty python holy grail where prince herberts father tells the 2 guards to STAY HERE, AND MAKE SURE HE DOESN’T LEAVE. And the 2 guards hilariously misunderstand that simple instruction and he needs to explain it 20 times and they STILL misunderstand it EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Only instead of ridiculously simple and straightforward instructions like

YOU BOTH STAY HERE.

YOU BOTH MAKE SURE HE DOESN”T LEAVE.

it was super complicated and 50-step procedures that you had no concept of, had never done before, had no idea what they looked like, and which may include other things in there which they didn’t mention and you don’t know what to do on those contingencies.

so in other words, it was really easy to screw up and you were essentially being given incomplete and vague instructions not appropriate for the complicated task you had to do. quickly. while explaining it. but not understanding it.

imagine if the GUARDS were trying to explain to you MUCH more complicated things than in that movie.

so you kinda had to be like the guards and try to interpret instructions in the weirdest ways so you could ask in advance, well what if THIS happens? what if THAT happens? are you SURE you included everything weird that may or may not pop up during that huge procedure? is there ANYTHING else that MIGHT happen that I MIGHT need to know? I’ve never done this before. You’ve been here 3 years and actually seem to know shit. I don’t KNOW shit. Just tell me what to do and i’ll do it, but know I don’t really know right from wrong. I’ve only been here for a few hellish months and still don’t have good knowledge and judgment.

I DONT KNOW RIGHT FROM WRONG.

to such a morally minded person as me, it is INFURIATING and MADDENING to not know right from wrong in so many situations. Is this right? i dunno, i guess. Is this working properly? I dunno, i guess, i don’t see anything wrong happening, though I might not recognize wrong when I see it. These aren’t moral matters, but weird technical matters.

i was way smarter than her! yet i freaked out and got flustered a lottttttttt more than she did. of COURSE that annoyed her. everything I did ANNOYED her.

well then tell me what you would do in this situation.

i dunno lol just figure something out.

but you’re an idiot. you don’t know how to figure jack shit out. i just want to know what to do. thats why i study this shit feverishly when i GO HOME. you just smoke MJ and hang out with your FAMILY hahahaha.

its not like she was hanging out with GUYS or was super social either. She was blowing me off just so she could SIT AT HOME with her FAMILY. it’s better than being blown off to party with the gurls or suck dix, but still. Why can’t I just come over and hang out with your family too? I wouldn’t mind seeing them more. I know family is important to you, I agree, family is very important. I wouldn’t mind meeting your family.

i met her mother several times and that was ok, but I would have liked to spend more time with her family to show them i was a decent guy who could be trusted, was a decent guy for her.

and as my feelings grew, she seemed less willing to allow me near her family. or maybe that was just a side effect of her avoiding me in general haha. probably yes the latter. again i don’t think she was deeply thinking about anything at all. she was just quickly emotionally reacting.

I was emotionally reacting too, but I was also deeply deeply obsessively thinking about it over and over and over. ruminating. I dont think she was a Ruminator whatsoever. Shit I wish she were. SMART people RUMINATE.  hahahaha. well, smart people THINK about shit at least a LITTLE bit. she doesn’t THINK about shit AT ALL.

well she didnt think about our situation at ALL. that sucks. she’s willing to think about other rels and other guys but not me.

well hell i’ll never know. I want to know, were you even thinking about me. did i matter to you at all? or was I really just a piece of garbage to you? i can’t believe THAT.

shit. it was such a clusterfook. the fact that the job was paired with HER, made HER all the more worse; and the fact that she was paired with the JOB made the JOB all the more worse. Really destroyed my confidence in Doing Jobs (and having Rels with Women.). so now i cant feel i can do ANY job.

how to bullshit convincingly in tough situations. how to sell someone on an idea even you dont believe. how to fake confidence. how to sound like you believe your own bullshit.

drinking really weak watery coffee seems to be best on my stomach and guts and such. best way to get your caffeine/coffee fix. i just cant drink strong coffee. otherwise too much pooping and gurgling. needs to be weak. jelly of those men who can drink super strong coffee.

so im sitting here looking at maps of new caledonia and the maldives and the kyber pass and the seychelles and some french island i never heard off near comoros and madagascar, rather than doing important productive stuff. wondering, do they have Nightclubs and Hookers here. but why do I want to bang melanesian and polynesian and indian and asian and african hookers? i dont really.

maybe i would rather bang nonwhite hookers than white hookers though. hooking is so degenerate i dont even want to THINK of white women doing it.

ok paul of tarsus is the same as the saul who became paul on the road to damascus. he was called “paul the apostle” but was not an official twelve apostles. how could he be. he was killing christians. well i dunno about that. hes the one who wrote all the Letters/Epistles.

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/5-tips-for-lightning-fast-decision-making.html

google how to make decisions quickly.

jsut DO SOMETHING FAST. dont sit there and scratch your head. DO SOMETHING NOW. AND EXPLAIN what you’re doing and why you’re doing it while you’re doing it. fast fast fast. move move move.

https://hbr.org/2013/07/make-good-decisions-faster

transient advantage. I READ THE HARVARD BUSINESS REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/strategic-thinking/201307/make-good-decisions-faster

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sliding-vs-deciding/201603/in-love-and-marriage-practice-doesn-t-make-perfect

ie, people that are huge sluts with high numbers have lower marriage satisfaction and commitment because they rode the carousel and have no oxytocin left hahahahaha

being promiscuous is simply not emotionally healthy for people.

Girls are also having anal sex: 20 percent of women 18 to 19 have, 40 percent by ages 20 to 24.

from this shitty article:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/open-gently/201603/teaching-girls-the-truth-about-sex

what about 28 year olds? is that like 60% then?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/tests

http://personalexcellence.co/blog/analysis-paralysis/

http://www.inc.com/larry-kim/6-ways-to-make-faster-decisions-infographic.html

some real ted talks bullshit hahahaha.

maybe this bitch catlady with an mba and 10 cats and no children, and cant keep a man because she’s 50, only has thirsty omeegas lusting after her dried up womb, and the successful men she works with dont even consider her for an affair because she’s 50 and crazy, maybe she can teach me how to make good decisions faster hahahahaha.

me and the woman had a GOOD rel.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201603/4-signs-new-relationship-has-long-term-potential

according to this article, we had a lot of long term potential. i shared her values. i accepted her for who she was. she accepted me for who i was.  she was warm and trustworthy for the first 80%. did we have equal mate value? well not any more. her mate value is WAY higher than mine hahaha. but in the beginning it seemed we had much closer mate value. we were both making Pretty Good money. but fact is, she was younger and Prettier hahaha. but as friends and humans we had about equal Human Value hahahaha.

she made me feel good about myself. well in the first 80%. near the end, i felt horrible about myself because she was rejecting me and avoiding me and shutting me out and that really hurt.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/counseling-keys/201603/rules-texting

when you are texting more than you are really talking, its time to have some FACE TIME hehehehe.

yep. she increasing didnt want to talk face to face so I was increasingly dependent on TEXTS, and facebook messages, and instant message chats. she could CHAT with me from across the room, but she couldnt talk to me face to face. it was SO fooked up. well to be fair i was weird in person too. but if i had like 1 hour to hang out with her outside of work, then it would have been better. at work there was always WORK hanging over your head. better get back to work before you get in trouble. im worried about our rel but i’m also worried about this work i don’t know how to do.

but then when i saw her outside of work at The Final Event, she was very distant there too though.

however there was no way I could have a serious conversation with her there. it was loud and public and she was with family member. come on. and that was the last time i ever talked to her. damn. she did not want to see me outside of work AT. ALL. so me aproaching her outside of work was the NAIL IN THE COFFIN. but do you really expect this from a Good Friend? hell no!

i think a 2.5 Close Friendship is WORTH her writing a long email at least! its WORTH a long, serious conversation!

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/office-diaries/201506/where-training-fails

hehehe companies hate training employees, but employees need training to do a good job! but companies give the wrong kind of training anyway. hey i forgot i technically had training. but the article is right, you need to train behaviors. we learned the behaviors by “SHADOWING” people actually doing their jobs. WATCH AND LEARN, they said. I wish there was more of an easing into there. like, we had more time to say do a 2 person call and be coached by the more experienced person. instead of 1 or 2 days of shadowing and then BOOM we had to do the job.

wasting time studying partially recognized states in the caucasus, such as abkhazia, south ossetia, nagorno kabakh.

y dna haplogroups. r1a.

anyway. i want to find a podcast to help you bullshit better and sound confident. so you can get jobs and women.  and not sound like a nervous inferior omega neet that cant get jobs or women. or you just get the shittiest fattest ugly women, and not for committment either, cuz they can do better than you hhahaha.

well the jokes on them, cuz i’m not interested in them either hahaha! i am only interested in women that are WAYYYYYYYYYYYY out of my league. hahaha. i guess in this way I’m also like a woman. wanting more than you can have.

CHAMPAGNE TASTE ON A BEER BUDGET!!!!!!!

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/constructive-wallowing/201603/how-get-your-partner-talk-you

ok article here.

QUOTES:

E.g., “I’m feeling awkward and anxious right now; I really want to talk to you about ______, but I’m afraid.”

“I feel nervous approaching you about this because I’m not sure how you feel about it, but there’s something I really want to talk about.”

 “This is awkward for me, but I really want to talk to you about something. Do you have a few minutes?”

If the answer is no, then, “When would be a good time?”

(You can reasonably expect your partner to make time to talk with you. See my previous post on expectations it’s good to have in relationships.)

“I’m having a hard time with what happened the other day, and I just wanted to run my thoughts by you and hear what you think.”

“I’ve been feeling awful ever since we had that argument at the movie theater. I felt miserable both during after, and I’m afraid my misery made me come across as rude. Now I’m worried that our relationship is damaged. I’ve been thinking about it a lot and hoping we can get back to the way things were.”

If you value the relationship, don’t hesitate to say so:

“Our relationship is important to me. I want to feel close to you again, and so I need to be honest about my experience with this.”

END

some decent actual scripts for you to say. hhehehe that last one sounded like the email1 i sent here. our relationship is very important to me, i want to be close again, please lets communicate. where i went wrong was that I wanted her to communcate back with me then (she didnt) and i should have just said right then (or wayyyyy earlier): “i really want to talk to you, I have started getting feelings for you and I am feeling very confused and anxious. lets talk about this and not avoid it any more. It is going to change our relationship and I want to do that as painlessly as possible.”

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201101/the-thoroughly-modern-guide-breakups

mr dreamy doctor dumps woman by email after 2 years of luv

good article too.

QUOTES

nything less than face-to-face sends a distressing message: “You don’t matter.”

“The pain of losing a meaningful relationship can be especially searing in the absence of direct social contact.” With no definitive closure, we’re left wondering what the heck happened, which can lead to the kind of endless rumination that often leads to depression.

“Situations where you have an incomplete picture of what’s going on are perfect ground for the development of rumination,” says Yale University psychologist Susan Nolen-Hoeksema. “It can send people into a tailspin.” Many dumpees emerge from the tailspin distrustful of others, making it difficult for them to establish closeness with future partners.

Dumpers themselves may come to re­gret surrogate sayonaras once they realize how badly their vanishing act hurt their former partners—and how little concern they showed. “Five years on, you don’t want to be ashamed of how you handled this,”

“You have an obligation to watch out for the other person’s self-esteem,” Virginia’s Portmann says. “Do not cut them down in such a way that it’s impossible for them to have another successful relationship. Why rub salt in their wounds? That’s torture.”

8. Communicate ongoing appreciation of the good times you shared.

12. Resist thinking you’ve lost your one true soul mate.

END

 

JUST TELL ME ITS UNDER 5 / NONSLUTS SHOULD SIGNAL THEIR NONSLUTTINESS AS MUCH AS SLUTS SIGNAL THEIR SLUTTINESS

1222

shit hhehehehe.

yeah great idea for schooling. with my skool, you wouldnt even need homeschool. i would have long talks with homeschoolers and be like nope nothing to worry about here, you can trust your kids with me, basically im just gonna give them of 4-5 years of JOB TRAINING, in at LEAST 32 different ACTUAL JOBS, AND give them actual working experience in some of those jobs over the summers.

then by the time they graduate high school, they will be skilled workers making at least 15dah and be able to be productive independent adults.

of course you didnt need a RADICAL NEW high school to be able to do this 40 “short” years ago! you just went to normal high school, then Got A Job like everybody else! didnt have to think about it! didnt have to outcompete 10 other interviewers for a 12dahj! (in 1975 dollars, purchasing power, adjusted for inflation etc)

they say yeah motherfooker at age 18 i was only making 2 dollars an hour in 1975. but 2 dollars in 1975 is like 15 dollars in 2015 hahahaah. citation needed.

you didnt need to spend 10 grand to learn how to become a Machinist. you just got an Junior Machinist job at age 18 and then in a few years became a Senior Machinist. and then in a few more years became machinist manager and then sit around and get drunk all day at work hahahahahahaha because you didnt have degenerate internet pron to look at in 1980. and shit was going well so you didnt care about degeneracy. you bitched abotu your wife but at least you had a wife and she wasnt a land whale and she didnt betray you! the worst she did was nag you. you still got secs and luv and LOYALTY.

anyway my concern now is having SAFEGUARDS so i dont go from 0 to 100 ever again.

but was it really 0 to 100?

i dont think so. it was at least 50 to 100.

maybe 60 to 100!

and the best SAFEGUARD against that would be what i already decided: BLURT IT OUT ASAP.

that would have released some pressure, and took me back dwn to 0.

i wasnt LYING, but i was kinda hiding a secret that i didnt really WANT to keep a secret, but i was just too scared to talk. and that tension kept rising and boiling. it didnt go 0 to 100 in one day but over 10 months. 300 days.  .33% per day hahahaha.

doesnt the power that be WANT us gainfully employed, because they can get more taxes out of us? and we will be more docile and controllable? because too many weird losers like me, they dont make taxes from, plus enough people like me, there will be RIOTS!

well are shiftless jobless blacks really rioting every day? hahahahaha well they are rioting every week, and killing each other every day. but thats not enough to scare the powers that be because…….tptb still get paid, still get votes, etc. i dont fookin know. you think i know how the world really works? i cant even take care of myself so of course i beleive in ridiculous conspiracy theories!!!!!!!

heh yep MW is having jared taylor on his hangout tonight, we called it hahahaha. this is real interesting that he is debuting all these BIG people right NOW rather than during his “regular season” of conversation videos. it really is gonna boost MW to the next tier and i am happy for him.

i am glad to see good things happen to good people. for a fellow Late Bloomer to become a Winner. i think he’s been planning this to be something big. he never intended it to be Just 7 Hangouts. Even if he had just done that it would have been great. but i think he was planning 7 Daily Hangouts, with a number of Big Surprise Guests.

so this is pretty fun. i am not a jared taylor fanatic but he is a big guy and a decent guy. he’s just not my own personal favorite. so i am trying to predict who else he could have on. I am officially predicting: Aurini, because MW is a fan of him or used to be, and hes never been on before.

maybe another person from TRS. 7th son was already on, so maybe something more in depth with 7th son or mike enoch.

it would not be unreasonable for ramzpaul to get on there either.

maybe david fookin duke hahahaha.

so yeah i didnt go from 0 to 100. when she started gving me the silent treatment i went from 90 to 100. and completely snapped. and that was the end of my life as i know it hahaha.

so……the question becomes

  1. how do i stop from going from 90 to 100? BLURT IT OUT before it gets to damn 50.
  2. what do i do to safeguard against silent treatment? use the following quote: “I feel upset when you stop talking to me and avoiding me. I feel very hurt by this. I will not tolerate this boundary to be crossed repeatedly. Let’s talk about this issue and get it resolved within 72 hours.  Write me an email if you don’t want to talk.”

yeah i never had someone SO CLOSE to me give the silent treatment. well, someone that i FELT close to. i had one other person give me big silent treatment, acollege roomate, BUT, at the time that began, i didnt really like him, i wasnt FRIENDS with him, i didnt feel close to him, i didnt WANT to be friends with him.

i NEVER had someone who was my friend, who i wanted to be friends with, pull such a silent treatment on me. i was totally unprepared.

it didnt help that i was already at 90. but i think SHE was at 90 too. and when she got to 100 she pulled silent treatment. and that pushed ME to 100 and i just totally broke down at life.

so tldr; you will have safeguards in place next time, becuase you wont BE at 90 when she does silent treament, you’ll be closer to 0, and indeed if i had just written an email, then what else would i have had to say to her?

also instead of tyring to get her to talk, i should have said “i cant take this any more. we have to talk now becuase this is FOOKED.” cuz i was being nice to her and trying to have small talk with her like nothing was happening, and apologizing like a beta for being weird. oh god the cringe hahahaha.

https      ://forum.therightstuff.biz/topic/4272/beta-thread

3DRR2we

 

like this terrible beta who apologizes and THEN adds a spergy second tweets signaling to the bitchy girl that he had sat in the corner and thought about what he had done, and had Learned A Lesson on why what he did was So Wrong. Maybe he can spergily flog himself like napoleon dynamite GOD SO STUPID!!!! every time he apologizes for giving unsolicited advice.  but i can TOTALLY see how a guy gets this way. you think people ever are constantly apologizing to guys? and also, when guys get unsolicited advice, the person is usually being a huge dick to them, trying to belittle them.

well i guess the girl is mad because he is a THIRSTY BETA, BEGGING for pvssy. and she is butthurt all these THIRSTY guys are BEGGING for pvssy all the time, trying to be NICE to her.

well i say dont be such a huge BITCH about it, if you HALF as THIRSTY as this guy, youd be twice as CRAY as you are now!

also he’s not begging for PVSSY per se, he’s just merely begging for some kind of attention and friendliness from women. hes the type of supreme gentleman who doesnt even think about Pvssy until he’s in LUV with the bitch hahahaha.

anyway him apologizing, then publicly signaling the reason why what he did was so wrong, is both Omega AND Sperg/Autist.

and i was falling into that quicksand, constantly apologizing to her for BEING WEIRD.  and then saying shit like oh i know this is weird for you and i am sorry for encroaching on your personal space and pushing you and not respecting your feelings.

i should have never let it get so far. i was already past 50 at that point, worn down into a weakass omega.

i should have said hey we need to talk about something important, i am being weird because i dont like being blown off and avoided all the time, we need to talk now, this ends now.

and that wuld have fixed everything hahahaha.

well it would have taken me back to 0 and maybe i would have reacted better if she pulled silent treatment on me at that point. and then i would have to take a asimilar approach there: i dont like this silent treatment, we need to talk. done.

so yeah it makes perfect sense in hindsight. she treated me with such contempt because i was a huge OMEGA apologizing all the time. i knew it was a bad situation at the time, but….i was emotionally compromised! i was in a bad state!

also, not all women HAVE to be so mean to omegas!

and she could have hung out wiht me once in TEN MONTHS rather than CONSTANTLY BLOWING ME OFF AND AVOIDING ME.

oh i brought that on myself because i was OMEGA.

fook that she has some responsibility too. she could have hung out with me ONCE. she responded to my texts after all. she gave me MIXED SIGNALS! i thought she was open to talking!

whenever she responded to my texts, which she regularly did, it gave me HOPE that we WOULD hang out someday! we used to hang out! no problem! usually it was real easy! never more than 2 weeks passed between the first suggestion and the actual hangout! sometimes SHE even initiated the hangout!

i just think ill never get that close to a woman of such high quality again.

yeah a white trash mudshark with huge family issues. but she wasnt a slut, had a low number, and was shy, intoverted, and non slutty, and under 25, so she was therefore My Perfect Ideal Women, instant pedestal.

hahahahaha

i get it that women are as disgusted by betas/omegas as men are by sluts. but even i would treat a slut nicely even if i didnt respect them at all. i would appreciate if i were breaking a sluts heart when she had done nothing wrong to me.

oh but i did her wrong, by BEING omega TO her. this is equivalent to a slutty gurl ACTUALLY CUCKING the guy shes dating.

no i dont think so. orders of magnitude different.

in one you are playing fast and loose with A HUMAN LIFE, ie your bodys ability to create human life.

in another, you are just being a pathetic desperate begging omega. you only hurt yourself and offend the stupid bitch youre dealing with, who rolls her eyes at how pathetic youre being. no third party innocent lives ever enter the picture.

were there more male nurses and male secretaries and male medical assistants when Women Didnt Work? probably but they jsut called them assistants or apprentices and the job itself was viewed as more masculine and certainly didnt require more than a high school education.

like, did men do all the jobs that women NOW do? i mean i understand that HR and Women Makework jobs didnt exist, but you still needed Nurses and Secretaries.

well i mean come on. didnt they have a lot more male TEACHERS back in the day?

but yeah i hate that i was reduced to a begging supplicating omega for her. and that wasnt her fault per se. sure she could have just hung out with me or just talked to me or just stopped avoiding someone she used to be friends with. she could have reacted better but i could have reacted better too, like an alpha male who doesnt take shit.

still, me acting like an omega is like -1 pain on her, and her ABortioning me was a -20 of pain against me.

well i applied for the damn post office job. it only took like an hour of typing in bullshit hahahahaha. looking up your selective service number, thankfully they only wanted 7 years of employment history hahahaha and not all years. so i only had to put 2 jobs!

what was i gonna say. yeah i can see how being an omega is so offensive to women, because heres a weak man that wont protect me and muh chirren, but……they still pick deadbeat thugs anyway, tough “protectors” that abandon their children. and have secs with anyone. its sucks for a man to be omega but i dont think its as much of a shameful crime as being a slut. being a slut is simply more destructive, and to more people.

also i would still treat sluts as people unless they cucked me directly. this woman cant even write me an EMAIL.

1223

hehehe sinead mccarthy talking about mgtow

i should listen to the vidya and not just read the comments but there are good points in the comments.

i mean it cuts to the core of my self, as i used to be a huge mgtow but now i am moving over towards the racial stuff in my older age. and a lot of my mgtow stuff came from the fact that i was/am bitter, over failure and disappointment with women. which leads to blaming of the self and an inferiority complex (“im just not good enough to get a decent woman”) with some woman blaming as well (“50%-75% of modern women are promiscuous stupid crazy bipolar sociopath narcissist psychopath slut  high number 30+ guys babykilling coalburner mudshark single mom betrayer parasite hypergamous hamster sellout evil stupid crazy soulless monsters degenerates”)

dont get me wrong, i blame myself for being a weak loser omega as much as i blame women for being degenerate monsters hahahaha.

ie, i am such a weak man the only women i can pull are degenerate monsters, who in turn Reinforce my negative thoughts about women, and probably my self.

i guess the fact that i had a successful friendship with her for 2 years counts for something. well of COURSE it does. it means i CAN connect with a WOMAN on a meaningful level for a long term period. that is huge. it means there is hope for me yet. that i am not some total wizard autist who cannot talk to women at all.

also it is important for me to understand that i didnt deserve that kind of treatment. i was not perfect at all, i could have been more…..alpha and strong and manly and courageous and brave and bold and MASCULINE. but i wasnt abusing her, in fact i had relinquished all my power to her, and she understandably found that weird and uncomfortable, but in my defense i didnt know what i was doing, i was kinda acting out of fear, fight or flight, and sliding down a slippery slope, and my idea of “fighting” was just frantic flailing like a drowning man, total desperate grasping and flailing because i couldnt fathom the thought of Losing Her.

on the other hand, when you have to reject a person who obviously has feelings for you……..FOOKING DO IT NICELY PLEASE. dont SHAME them while you reject them. if you had the worlds worst abusive relationship for years, ok maybe, and maybe she was so annoyed that she felt i made her life a living hell.

well there is a world of difference between being ANNOYING and being ABUSED.

and also being ANNOYED and having your heart totally broken.

maybe i should make sinead my waifu hahahahaha who cares about the flat earth, she is pro white and attractive and is pro-white-children and probably recognizes that monogamy is best.

did she bang the black guy we see in the pictures? is she obligated to tell us? is it any of our business?

well……i dunno how obligated anyone is to do anything, but SINCE she is a pro-white activist, it would be a good bona fide for her to directly address the COAL BURNING rumors.

heck even if she just banged one black guy 50% of pro whites could probably get over it. i mean ive made mistakes too. were all human hahahahaha. we just want to know she isnt a liar, and that it isnt a long term pattern.

shit i mean the woman of muh dreams who i threw my llife away over banged a black guy. i should be calling her coal burner mud shark bla bla bla. but i honestly dont care because it was just one guy, and she hasnt BEEN with a lot of guys, under 5, and she probably will not go Back to Blacks after this one mistake.

yes i think its a good bona fide for a woman not necessarily to State Their Number, but if they’ve been with less than 5 guys, to be proud of and signal their non sluttiness. you dont need to tell me your number, but if you say its less than 5, shit i would be happy with that!!!!!!!!! all need to know. less than 5, shit. just glad its not over 30 hahahahaha.

nonsluts should be signaling their nonsluttiness as much as sluts are signaling their sluttiness.

say you have to call your car insurance company to see if they cover a “hit and run”of somebody hitting your car in a parking lot then driving off. and you cant understand your complicated policy, or cant find a copy of it. WHO YA GONNA CALL for answers, advice, and help? you call the fooking insurance company  OF COURSE. its their JOB to service your damn insurance policy, and therefore to understand it and know about it, right? you want to CALL them and TALK to someone who UNDERSTANDS better than you do. someone who gives you confidence that they know what they’re doing, know what they’re talking about, can make sense of your policy.

and theres the rub. the poor schmuck youre calling is a Fookin New Guy who makes no more than 15 DAH at absolute maximum, and he understands your policy even LESS than you do.

uhhhhh well reading the language in this policy makes me think….leads me to believe…..i THINK what its saying is bla bla bla….. yeah it kinda looks like it might cover this…… uhhhhhhhhhhhhh good question let me ask my level 2 insurance agent that question, i’ll be back in 5-10 minutes…….yes i told him that…..well what he said was, and maybe this makes more sense to you than it does to me hahahahaha…….nope you cant talk to him directly, he’s helping 20 other level 1 agents just like me……how do i know HE knows what hes talking about? jeez i dunno. i dont know what im talking about so thats why i went to him…….nope you cant talk to him, as i say, hes slammed with 20 questions right now. but he said your policy doesnt cover this, so sorry, youre gonna have to go ahead and pay $2000 to fix your own car. nope nothing we can do. nope you cant talk to a level 2. welp you can try to call back and hope you get a better level 1 than me, im just a fookin new guy who doesnt really understand shit sorry. nope you cant speak to my manager, but i will tell them you complained about me and our whole department. i promise i will pass that along.

its cringeworthy, and how do you think it feels to be the level 1 employee in that situaiton? GOD FOOKING AWFUL, I CAN ASSURE YOU. because you WANT to HELP, you want to do your JOB, you want to make people HAPPY, you dont want people getting mad at you because the insurance company is not gonna cover shit, OOPS GOTCHA you got the wrong insurance policy, HAHA GOTCHA! because its a hit and run and the other driver didnt give you his insurance info, nothing we can do, HAHA GOTCHA! although I could never say haha gotcha. i was like damn that sucks i cant believe my company is screwing you like this, but theirs nothing i can do and no one i can transfer you to.

that is why i am VERY hesitant about seeking jobs where dealing with Complex, Complicated, Confusing issues from Customers is a main part of the job.

yep in my 12dah opinion, this is what your insurance policy is saying. i guess maybe you could hire a lawyer for 300 dah to give you a more authoritative explanation? sorry were just the insurance company youre paying for your insurance policy, we dont really know about the policy.

being put regularly in situations where you dont know what you’re doing; you dont feel prepared or trained for this; YOU DONT KNOW WHAT TO TELL THEM. “what should I TELL them”?????

yeah i hate that because i dont like feeling like an idiot. “well ok maybe youre not an idiot outside of work….but at work….youre kind of an idiot. you dont know how to DO YOUR JOB.”

fook you phaggot.

simple, straightforward, yes or no customer questions are fine though. they are WELCOME!

but explain why this piece of shit is “WORKING AS INTENDED”? fook that. no i cant explain. because its not cost effective to fix it. ITS NOT A BUG, ITS A FEATURE. ITS WORKING AS INTENDED. yeah but its a piece of shit and clearly the intention SUCKS. fix the INTENTION. nope sorry too expensive cant do it. hhahahaha. so you learn to bullshit them with yep ill make an official suggestion and forward that to product development team, probably wll take at least 2 months to build it in tho, so sorry, im sorryabout that.

and then of course just close the case because We Dont Take Suggestions For Features hahahaha.

i am very ethical. i honestly want to help the customers and to make sure the company is doing the right thing for the customers. in my previous job i didnt really get very many scammers. and the shit was so CONFUSING you couldnt TELL whether somebody was trying to scam or not.

this confusion of not knowing what youre doing for 10 hours a day does not build your confidence. it eats away at your confidence.

so yeah i dont want to even apply for Customer Service for Insurance COmpanies, are you KIDDING?

its the insurance companies JOB to DENY CLAIMS. NOPE SORRY! GOTCHA! cant really explain why but thats what my superior, who you cant talk to, said! my best understanding of his explanation is bla bla bla…..yes i explained what you said, to him…..but you dont trust me because i am clearly not good at explaining or understanding things. ok. let me read you exactly what i typed to him. ok lets you and me craft the perfect sentence, and i will read it back to you word for word, well wait 5 minutes for a response, and i will read back what he said word for word, and together we will try to decipher it, using this indecipherable insurance policy as our guide. this is what your insurance company pays me 13DAH for hahahaha

when really they should be paying 20 DAH for how ridic that job is, but then your insurance would cost even more. and the agent wouldnt necessarily know more, they would just be better compensated for facing the firing squad all day erry day.

an angry customer just wanting an explanation and you are not able to give it to them because YOU dont understand. so you literally have to force yourself to understand as quickly as possible, then explain THAT convincingly as to why you can’t help the customer in this situation.

but muh baby is dying of cancer, what do you mean you cant pay for any of his treatment?

well uhhhh it kinda looks like you went to this one doctors appointment 3 days after the cutoff period, so uhhhh technically the cancer is then a preexisting condition. i think. the policy is confusing innit hahahah so sorry about your kid/mother dying, nothing we can do hahahahahaha

yeah that kind of shit i cant handle. i would go back to stupid technical support before i went into INSURANCE. there you are saying no to people even more. i dunno its hard for me to say no especially when its impossible to understand the companys policies.

when i was young and rebellious i made bad choices. i attached my rebellion to degenerate and nihilistic things: alcohol, MJ, pornography, unfocused hatred and anger against the normies, self pity, feeling like a victim, atheism, anti-religion, leftism, marxism, sjw, and still i didnt really like women!

but it would have been nice to attach to a positive movement like pro white or reaction or far right hahahaha back when i was an EDGY teen hahaha.

well i was nihilistic and degenerate until like age 27 anyway. it took me TOO long to realize how risky mgtow was, it played on all my insecurities with wimminz.

of course wimminz were always a huge issue for me, always on my mind. but i mean reactionaries have a more positive view of women than mgtows do. and the fact is, i NEED women. i dont want to live WITHOUT women. i will ALWAYS WANT women, or be into the idea of a Special Woman to be Wife and mother of children, inparticular.

and even when i have NO women in my life and am essentially living a mgtow life…..im still thinking about women ALL THE TIME.

anyway. note to women. when you have to reject a guy who likes you…….do it nicely. even if he ANNOYS you. is he being blatantly mean to you? or just a big weak coward omega?

just very ridiculous that one of the most important women in my life could just….do something so monstrous. its dissonant. incongruent. its not right that she should be remembered in this way. a decent person who did a horrible hurtful thing.

well its not as bad as CHEATING right? no probably not. and dont plenty of people cheat, and break the heart of their lover, who thought they were a great person? such a decent person! I cant beleive they cheated on me!

what if i met an asian gurl who loved me and was very nice; AND i met a white gurl who had tons of baggage, high number, crazy, but she loved me and was willing to have children with me. both women love me and want to have children with me. one is an asian gurl with very few red flags, and the other is a white gurl with a decent number of red flags. which one do you choose? i would WANT to choose the white gurl becuase i prefer white gurls and i want white children.

ideally you say you choose neither, you find a better white woman.

but what if youre getting old and you severely doubt you’ll find a better white woman, and this is the best white woman you can get?

well i would say, if you’re 50 years old and havent had a child yet, go ahead and knock up the trashy crazy white woman. this is assuming she actually loves you and would be loyal to you. which i guess is a tall order in itself!

basically i worry i wont find a better quality white woman than this one. and i guess on paper, tehnically, That Woman was a step down in quality from the previous woman, who had been with EVEN LESS guys, and had a better family life, good relationship with father, normie as hell, mature communicator.

when i first met That Woman, possibly a part of why i didnt immed fall in luv with her, was because i felt she was a STEP DOWN from the previous woman.

hehehe but eventually i fell in luv with her anyway. cuz she didnt fail the absolutely worst dealbreakers: being a huge slut, or being blatantly insane crazy. plus she was nice as hell to me! that certainly helped win me over. its nice when women are nice to and WANT to HANG OUT with you. then it SUCKS when they start avoiding you and ignoring you hahahaha.

it was the porno for so many years, combined with the lack of contact with women for so many years. i didnt realize how degenerate porno was. i was happy to rebel against religion! but i couldnt see that porno was still degenrate and immoral regardless of religion. also i couldnt possibly view religion as a possibly good thing. i was an edgy atheist.

like i say, i think this edgy atheist nihilism degeneracy might be characteristic of OLDER millennials, while the YOUNGER millennials are actually on a good righteous moral Fashy Path. they are Getting it. they are seeing the example of slightly older failures like me and learning from them. good for the young kids, bad for the old failure virgin neets like us hahahahaha.

i was never dumped/rejected because i did something horribly wrong, like couldnt stop cheating, couldnt stop drinking, because i hurt the person who loved me too much. i was always dumped because they lost interest in me, didnt HAVE interest in me, beause i was too weak, too beta, too needy, too inferior. this definitely sets you up for an inferiority complex!

so then you think eveyrthing you do is needy. you think you are always needy or weak even if youre really not.

for example texting someone 100 times a day is need. texting them less than 5 times a day, probably not. especially if you are taking days off of texting altogether.

wanting to hang out with somebody every day is needy. wanting to hang out with somebody once every few weeks is NOT needy.

also, plain old FEELINGS can be misinterpreted as NEEDINESS by the other person, ESPECIALLY if they dont share the feelings.

well, i PROMISE you, that when THEY had feelings like YOU do, for whoever, that THEY were JUST AS “needy”.

remind them to put the shoe on the other foot. walk a mile in your shoes. really truly actually literally empathize. tell them that. tell them, well, when YOU really liked somebody, how did YOU act? before you accuse me, take a look at yourself, you fookin hypocrite hahahahahahaha.

and then MW had RamZPaul come on RIGHT AFTER jared taylor. hehehe this is almost too much. he could have gotten a full day out of ramzpaul. shit i hope ramz comes back! ramz is really good but his videos are too SHORT and too silly! but i think he is gradually becoming more serious. and its always good to have a LONGER discussion with him. so yeah ramz is getting there.

also jared taylor for only 45 minutes hahahaha. is this REALLY IMPOSING on him SO much hahahaha. is he doing MW such a BIG favor? i mean he is a natural. he clearly LIKES talking to people. and taylor speaking eloquently probably comes EASY to him. this is what he’s GOOD at. its not like me going to my stupid job for 11 hours a day, where it took every ounce of life out of me.

its not needy or controlling or abusive to want the person to not date other people! ask them, look, listen, come on, when YOU really liked someone, did YOU want them fooking other people? HELL NO!!!!!!!

my problem was, ALWAYS was, i got too strong feelings too soon. like if i were making out or having secs with a cute young girl, i would start to get feelings hahahaha.

also i think its NORMAL AND NATURAL to start getting feelings once you start getting physical with a cute young woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

or even if you dont get physical with them, if you are in proximity with them for a while and start becoming friendly with them. like what happened with Previous Woman. though i still got feelings for her too quick. i had feelings for her before i even first officially hung out with her.

but with That Woman, i hung out with her and actually became friends with her before getting feelings. and this was totally new to me.

so, it was kewl i didnt get feelings for her TOO FAST…..although i still kinda did. when it finally happened, it was 0 to 100. and then i couldnt put the genie back in the bottle.

the real lesson to learn is, how to MATCH/MIRROR your feelings with that the woman has for YOU. in other words, i shouldnt have gotten feelings because she clearly didnt have any for me.

well, at the time, i wasnt so sure on that! there was a time when she was SO nice to me, that i couldnt help but think she might have feelings for me! oh those were the days hahahaha

yep that was a long time ago. once i started getting WEIRD, she stopped being so NICE.

which caused me to be WEIRDER, which caused her to be less and less NICE. when finally she dumped me with no niceness whatsoever.

not really what i needed at this point in my life. what i REALLY needed was to have a nice GF and actually go out with a nice gurl longterm and monog for damn once finally! and i thought i found a great person for that.

but instead it ended in a very bad way. what is the LORD trying to teach me here. is he trying to show me whos the boss? bbbbbut i swear i wanted to have a loving christian one man one woman procreative traditional rel with her! wife her up and make some babies! no joke! i have been a degenerate in the past but why would G-d STILL be PUNISHING me for that? is that just the kind of g-d he is?

this is a holdover from my edgy youth, when i thought of the “scumbag god” who wants to deprive you from all your earthly PLEASURE. which then I supported hedonism and degeneracy and now i understand that god is RIGHT to reject that shit. now my mind is in a much more godly place, i want nondegenerate, traditional, man wife children rels with women, and still failing.

WELL. to be fair. even when i was a degenerate, i had nondegenerate feelings towards the women. i wanted to have more or less traditional, monog, loving, loyal rels with them, even when i was a degen 21 year old. i still wanted to Go Out with them. it wasnt all about degen fooking. it was about having a serious rel.

so yeah in other words i had something good and nondegen and righteous in me right from the beginning.

shit as soon as i became interested in gurls at age 12, i was a huge White Knight, wanted to have a Loving Loyal Rel with a Decent Woman. a real Partnership. With Mutual Luv. no controlling or manipulation. just 2 people luving each other and staying together for a long time.

it might be disney white knight stuff, BUT i also think its good and traditional and nondegen. and i had it from Pre Puberty. so thats a GOOD thing is what im saying, for me not being a degen or nihilist at heart.

anyway. yeah i could have told her sooner. but she could have been nicer to me.

i know women hate omegas and weakness……but she still could have been nicer to me.

i could have acted better…..but just because i messed up didnt mean i deserved to be treated THAT badly.

i made a mistake, but it was not such a hurtful mistake that i deserved to be punished like THAT.

I would never do that to somebody if the roles were reversed.

and i will never understand why she couldnt. even with the  Occams Answers of: Easy Way Out, bad father, chaotic family life, trust issues, possible mother issues.

maybe if i had all those i would do this to somebody hahahaha.

and so i just have to accept that this is it. this is all the closure im gonna get.

shit. if i could ask her WHY? WHYD YOU DO THIS TO ME? even she probably wouldnt be able to answer. she doesnt even know why she did this. again, a combination of the occam answers is most liekly.

or, she would give a bitchy answer like YOU MADE ME DO THIS. which i dont think is right, and which i DEFINITELY dont need to hear.

i really want to know the Dynamic of her major boifran. when i first met her she was very hush hush about him. but she wasnt hush hush about other things. so why him. well because things were on the outs probably. by the time i met her, 1.25 years later, they were done, and i think that last year was just all pretty bad. ok fine. so how was it in the first half? i think he was probably still really stubborn but he also drank a lot hahaha. then he stopped drinking. he probably had his own badboi issues right from the very beginning. but he was not a cheater. well i dont know though. i dont think he was. i met him and he was a good guy, just very stubborn and not a great fit for her, and she def loved him more. honestly i think he was just a full AUTIST and didnt know how to relship hahahaha. thats all. he was a stubborn autist. but a decent guy. but not a great guy for her. he didnt luv her enough. i luved her more than he did hahahaha. but he was such a stubborn autist he prob got comfortable in the rel and had no desire to go out and cheat. he was prob ok just getting drunk and having her being nice and loving to him and doing all the work hahahaha. i cant overstate, how nice it is when women turn on that nice womanly charm and are all nice and warm and loving and supportive to you. i dont get it very often hahahaha. but its VERY nice to get. very addictive.

say i met a nice white gurl like sinead mccarthy hahahaha. but she has big red flags too. flat earth? her troubled youth which i dont know too much about but that it was kinda troubled? i should just listen to that damn interview where she talks about it. perhaps a psych ward, perhaps oppositional defiant disorder. point is, she could be certifiably crazy. and youre not supposed to TRUST crazy.

but were all crazy in a way arent we?

yeah but women are more likely than men to go to shrinks and get diagnosed. usually as BIPOLAR. the even more crazy ones graduate to BORDERLINE.

but shrinks are bullshit right? meds are bullshit.

nonetheless i still think a “bullshit” diagnosis of BIPOLAR and especially BORDERLINE is a red flag.

if that woman went to a shrink, what would they diagnose her as?

basically im saying, couldnt JUST ABOUT EVERY WOMAN get diagnosed as bipolar at least, IF they went to a shrink?

anyway. the job frustration always boils down to, youve gotta give somebody bad news aka you cant help them, you cant do anything for them, because…..some stupid reason that doesnt make sense which you cant even explain to them because it doesnt make sense to you.

there are no articles on the internet on how to deal with this.

what i would do is go home after a long day and then STUDY the shit i didnt understand, until i sorta understood it better. because noone was gonna understand it FOR me.

https     ://forum.therightstuff.biz/topic/4376/is-it-possible-to-leave-autism/4

TRS is good people, right up there with millennial woes for me. they are certainly friendly towards each other.

shit 7th son is gonna be on again tonight. good man.

and red ice again AND wife with a purpose too! i do like her. not sure if she is as crazy as my other waifu sinead mccarthy. although sinead might be hotter hahahahaha. wwap has a weird face but she is not ugly ugly and she has FIVE fooking white children whom she homeschools. FIVE kids. some sinead haters seem to think she is a bandwagon jumper. i dunno. i mean sinead is still in a probationary period for me. ive listened to more wwap and wwap might be getting out of probation pretty soon, she seems to check out.  very glad to see her on MW and hope they will have one on one talks in the new year.

but its great seeing MW transform himself, stepping up to the big leagues before our very eyes. to go from being a 30 year old neet to being a man who is finally getting the respect, recognition, and luv he deserves.

like us he used to be kind of a loser but he overcame. and we are witnessing his big rise to glory right now. it is amazing. he deserves it. i just hope he makes the hangouts more regular, and has these guests on again. TRS, WWAP, greg johnson, it is just glorious. i am thankful.

http://www.seemypersonality.com/Personality-Report?x=sPIx4x4949511-4120689xs4hj2x4

http://www.seemypersonality.com/Personality-Report?x=MAQx4x4949511-316468xs4hj2x1

hehehehe my personality and relationship reports

i should try to eat less than 1700 calories a day

shit as we speak MW is doing the Female Edition with WWAP and lana from red ice ie henriks wife.  not bad. someone in the chat said they had invited sinead aka shiksa goddess but she either said no or didnt respond hahahaha.

good god, now ROOSH is in the chat room, this is just ridiculous hahaha. this is the biggest thing i have ever been a part of hahahaha.

anyway the other epiphany i had today was:

IF SHE HAS SECS VERY EASILY, SHE WILL DUMP YOUR ASS AND BREAK YOUR HEART VERY EASILY. She will treat hearts with no more care than c0x. and both should be treated very carefully.

But yeah if she thinks nothing of taking cox, you think she’s gonna care about breaking your heart? so dont fall in luv with sluts. easier said than done though, cuz its POWERFUL when qt young girls show enough interest in you to have secs with you……….and then the interest is gone, becuase they show this interest to EVERY guy, briefly.

so i was glad to find a woman that wasnt Like That.