DAMN DIRTY NONNEVERGF NEVERGAPS

nov 15 2016

hmmmm interesting. received an HR authorization for background/reference check, mentioned “onboarding.” my poor, mistaken, confused judgment tells me they wouldnt do this unless they were planning to offer me the job. at large school, part time job, 25 hours a week, 11 dollars an hour. yeah kinda piss weak but i got excited nonetheless because its something and because i like the place. they wanted me to sign this pdf and to send copy of drivers license. i did.

so yeah what i CAN say is this is a GOOD SIGN which SUGGESTS an offer, and is definitely a step in the direction of an offer. uhhh lets say 50 50 hahahahaha.

and even though its a “piss weak” job, i got a surge of confidence thinking about actually getting the job.

i mean that would be a huge thing. even if its terrible pay, its good people and stress free. essentially i would be getting back to my sweet power level at age 26 hahahahahaha.

have a low stress job, work with some nice people i already KNOW, try to get rec letter and reference from Respected Leader, move into FT job at the skool ideally.

i mean i am fairly more ambitious and mature than i was at 26 hahahaha. now that i am living for the 14 words hahahaha.

heh. you say please confirm receipt and of course they dont. you have to “interpret the directives” of the shitty manager but you cant even deduce “please confirm receipt” means “send me an email back just saying yeah i got this.”

i was in a real similar situation when i got the previous job with the skool 7-8 years ago. coming off a long period of Unemp then, about 1.5 years, getting desperate, drinking, still a shitlib, i was not sending nearly as many apps, or nearly as many INTERVIEWS, cover letter was piss weak, in other words, i am putting forth a 6000000000000000000000 times stronger EFFORT now. trying a lot harder and getting rejected a LOT more. also for about 1.5 years, slightly less haha. 7 years older. getting desperate. and now i might get a similar job. at around the same time. last time it happened in november. this time it is shaping up to happen in november. very cyclical hahahaha.

well this time i would be a lot more assertive, and be like listen, i will give you 6 months to a year of the best work you have ever seen, but i need to get an FT job at this skool. period. i am a 35 year old man and i want to have a FAMILY.

now i may never have a family because im already too old and its too late. but wanting an FT job is legit because everyones gotta have one and i think most reasonable people understand that hahaha.

temporary, part time, midnight position. SIGN ME UP hahahahaha. prob for 11 dollars an hour. wow. at least i am not THAT desperate. this is at the hospital that always rejects me anyway.

anyway. it would be pretty ridiculous to get a job finally. back then, well i was a lot younger and dumber and more autistic. i mean i really HAVE improved a lot since age 26 hahahaha. got a stronger resume, cover letter, jobs document hahaha. got some hardcore working experience. got heart broken a couple times. didnt do any cuddling, making out, or fooking hahahaha. got dui and stopped drinking. most importantly, stopped being a pathetic shitlib and became a far right alt right white nationalist hahahahahaha.

but i had a realllllll shitty year and a half year, prob most challenging year of muh life.

i think at age 26 it was EASIER to get a job because i was at least 6 years younger, i looked younger, i guess people were more willing to give me a chance. i certainly did less than 10 interviews, and probably less than 100 applications. now its 28 interviews and 520 applications. just to get a part time job like i had before. convince people im not desperate and not overqualified but also THE PERFECT fit hahaha.

oh no, im not overqualified! im UNDERqualified! so hire me!

still no hard drive. well i need BOTH the hard drive AND the windows disc. that will probably come later.

shit i am REALLY getting my hopes up here. what if they cant get ahold of muh references? like my manager at latest place. he probably changed his phone number and deletes all emails related to me haha. no he was a nice, good, principled man…however i didnt want to take advantage of him by having 99000000000 people call him every day on my behalf when i left the company in a nervous wreck because of a WOMAN hahahahaha.

i might even have to go to a dr and get a tb test for this job. im sure they wont pay for that hahaha.

maybe i have tb and thats why i’ve been so low energy for the past 15 years hahahaha.

and what do i say to the people i know from a few years ago about how i left the company? well ill just say i was laid off. the department closed and everybody was laid off. which is TRUE. but i left BEFORE that. so ill just lie to them. its ok to lie to coworkers.

one woman would probably ask about That Woman, because she used to be a mutual coworker of me and that woman hahahaha. so my story for her is, yeah we dont really talk any more, we kinda grew apart. i dont know what she is doing but hope she is doing well! the end.

and thats it. then be the best worker, kiss ass, and give them several hours of free time each week. raelly impress the director, get him talking about himself, have him write me a letter of rec and also copy it to my linkedin page.

if anyone says, just get a masters degree, i will say, hey you pay for it, i’ll get it. hey, you GUARANTEE me a SPECIFIC JOB, and ill get it. CALL THEIR BLUFF. DRAIN THE SWAMP. NOBODY can GUARANTEE you a specific job in 2 years when you finish a degree. they might as well give you the job right NOW and then give you huge raises based on you progressing thru the degree. and ive never heard of one case of that ever happening to anybody.

i will get a masters degree in the 14 words hahahaha.

if i get the job then i will sack up and ask this guy i have in mind if he can get me some MJ because i know he Partakes occasionally. dont need it right now but if you are making a purchase in a month, 2 months, i will give you 100 bucks right now. then i can enjoy that, get used to the job, after 6 months or so, take a month and clear my system out, then start job search again hehehehe.

with some of the big names that i have tried for this time, but they rejected me PROBABLY because of the damn GAP.

so then i wouldnt HAVE a gap anymore and would have a much better chance of Getting A Job with them.

fookin GAPS man. they are the WORST hahahaha. they really are hahahaha. but they SHOULDNT be! its REALLY not the end of the world. but you get a gap and people treat you like a CHILD MOLESTER. jobs, women. get a gap and suddenly youre a neet nevergf.

its fookin STUPID. i would hire ONLY people with gaps hahahaha.

people with gaps are the best people ever. i dont TRUST these shady nevergaps.

damn dirty NONNEVERGF NEVERGAPS!!!!!!!!!!!

fooooook starting to get my hopes up like never before here, this is not good hahahah.

it is like when i first made out with woman2004, i was like uh oh guise ITS HABBENING i might be getting muh first ever gf here and she is qt as fook, might be becoming a nonnevergf normie chad here!!!!!

of course i didnt, although i did become a nonvirgin hahahahahahahahahahaha that fookin slut.

did you know that you dont need to be a congressman to get elected to speaker of the house hahahaha. they could choose you or me or andrew anglin or weev or skype enoch or sventh son. muh buddies. i am liking ghoul more and more too hahahaha. handsome man. should have many white children. im sure he’s no stranger to the ladies. normally i dont trust nonnevergf nonvirgin chad normies……but the 1488 ones i am ok with hahahaha.

im honestly not THAT weird famalam, but this GAP has CRUSHED my confidence, as has The Major Setback I went through. losing the job, and losing That Woman in such a terrible soul crushing way. followed by a 16 months of despair and gap. it CRUSHES your confidence!!!!!!! i hope you never have to go through it, unless you are a shitlib degenerate!!!!!!! its enough to CONVERT you! FLIP you!

well i was ALREADY flipped! I was already converted to the Church of GAWWWWDDDDD and 1488!!! WHAT MORE DUES DO I HAVE TO PAY????!!!?!!?!!?!

i also lost a ton of weight!!!!!! went from overweight to perfectly normie/healthy!

i applied for 520 jobs and did 28 interviews!!!!!!!!

i started going to the gym, i got 2 new Fitted Suits!

i wrote 14888888888888888888888888888888888888 pages of stuff, i voted for god emperor trump. leonard cohen died. i never talked to that woman once. i havent sent her an email or ANYTHING in 15 months.

2:38 pm : just got email officially Welcoming Me On Board. oh THANK GOD. wow. cant believe it. this is a bigger deal than TRUMP WINNING.

2:38 pm, november 15, 2016, the minute muh life changed hehehehe.

yeah i mean its ONLY 11 bucks an hour and ONLY 25 hours a week and ONLY  275 dollars aweek and ONLY 13750 a year……but thats 13750 more than i made in the past 16 months.

plus its PROBABLY going to be low stress, its DEFINITELY going to be Fairly Lesser Stress than previous job, AND I know at least 2,3 people there, AND everybody seems nice or is CONFIRMED nice.

ok tomorrow i will go to medical place, get physical and tb test, then go to HR, drop off all the forms, and email or call the actual department and let them know. maybe get a haircut too. get some pants altered haha.

i dont want to doubt myself! and hold back from doing shit. just be active and DO shit, right or wrong hahahaha.

the director emailed me. then i called him, left voicemail. was debating whether or not to call him. I left a voicemail telling him I planned to do the HR stuff tomorrow and that i would be very open to starting before the date given, which gives more than enough time to do muh TB test. well maybe. maybe it takes 2-3 weeks to do a TB test hahaha.

funny, on the form it said “NO DRUG TEST” hahahaha. NO DRUG TEST. they didnt drug test me last time i was hired here 8 years ago, but they didnt require the TB test then either. well either way i dont have to pay for it hahahaha. good.

so i left him a voicemail, and also replied to the email.

printed out all the shit and signed it that i need to give to hr.

maybe if i show up on the first day with a short beard then they will let me have a short beard hahahahahahahahah i mean it helps me feel masculine.

well i felt nervous about calling him because i always feel nervous talking to people, managers, or customers hahaha. good thing i didnt talk about that in the interview.

i dunno i have to thank GOD for this achievement. thank GOD and thank my FAMILY for putting up with me and allowing me to live. and that GOD for giving me enough persistence to do 27 interviews and 520 applications over 232 days of struggle. 7.7 months. 181 hours.

i was 30% over my initial estimate of 400.

13.95 minutes average application time.

89.2 minutes average interview time, including prep time but not driving hahaha. yeah that should really be a little longer no?

so yeah. THANK GOD if i have not said that enough. The Larpagans will scoff at that but I know my role in the world. to be wriggling, subservient vermin with no power of my own, so everything i “accomplish”, I owe it all to THE LORD hehehehehe.

hey im not too proud to BEG is all I’m saying. Ive begged before and Im sure I will beg again, but lately ive kinda got tired of begging. but what else can you DO but beg? NOTHING!

hehehehe.

THANK GOD.

I mean I dont want to die and then GOD can accuse me of not being thankful when a good thing happened.

 

HIDE THE STENCH

nov 13

good times hahahaha. not really. but they could be worse. when the going gets tuff. if you cant get a job with 510 applications and 28 interviews and 180 hours, then keep fighting until you have 1000 applications and 60 interviews and 360 hours. lower your standards from 12 an hour to 10 an hour, and be brave enough to take valium on the job to deal with angry customers when your company screws them and you have to uphold the screwing hahahahaha. it is what it is sir. we have no record of that. an explanation isnt gonna make this any better. there is no explanation. it is what it is. deal with it. goodbye.

ok. beautiful sunday. want to get in 45 minute walk NAO.

applied for job. data entry at hospital. diff one, little further away. long drive but oh well.

i gotta get better at my STORIES. have better WORK STORIES, with better examples, details, drama.

but i mean they are pretty good already. i guess they are just not good enough to get a 12 dollar an hour job. maybe i am aiming too high heheheh.

i just hate thinking of That Woman becoming so much more successful than me. she moves up, i move down. and once we were about equal. but she’s been winning at life while ive been losing. bigly. this feels like insult to injury but tech its not. however she did do insult to injury in other ways.

i mean its a big deal to me because i hate being a loser at life, and i hate it when people i luv throw me out of their life AND go on to become a big winner in life in ways that i have struggled and suffered and tried and failed and failed and failed for years. and they are 8, 10, 12 years younger than me, and have had more success, and less failure. they havent failed enough! they havent paid their dues! when do i stop suffering, failing, and paying my dues? how come i have to do that for 11, 12 years, while they only have to do it for 1, 2 years. plus shes an immature idiot! like a 50 foot baby with a machine gun! i do better work than her! smart, better, more VALUE!!!!!!! how come SHE can make 32k a year, but I cant even make 24k a year?

how am I ever supposed to PULL a woman who makes 32k a year when i cant even make 24k a year?

how am I ever supposed to reach my goal of a nice white wife and white children? becoming a total normie FAMILY MAN?????? thats not too much to ask, is it?!?!?!?!!

For me, it is!

ok ok ok that is a Negative Spiral of Negative Thoughts and I really need to avoid/stop those Spirals!

ok took 45 minute powerwalk, 170 calories, 2.4 miles hehe. listened to some good morning white america and daily shoah hehe.

36 minutes to apply for this 13 dollar job. ft days and bennies tho hahaha. kinda far tho. oh well. wont get an interview anyway. and if i do, it wont lead to an offer hahahaha.  super pessimistic. but i try not to SHOW pessimism OR desperation, because I know these things have a STENCH that employers (and women) can SMELL. so you HAVE to hide that stench. and I DO!!!!!!!

How do i Hide The Stench Better?

see the only way you can get RID of the stench at its ROOT is to get a job, or get a woman.

classic catch 22 of, the cure for the stench, is exactly what is driven away by the stench hahaha.

wewlad, ok applied for 3 jobs on a sunday, today they averaged 23 minutes each. bigly. big load.

it just sucks. you treat somebody with such value, and they treat you with no value, and they treat themselves with no value too. you would spend your life with them, sacrifice for them, have children with them, they would throw you away without a word and fook negros they just met like a jooish porno slut. taking loads all over face, making sex videos and noods with secsy guys they dont even know. make a baby, get an abortion, repeat prcess with other guys, just because they have the cocky confidence of negros.

NOT EVEN MOST white women prefer negros hahahahaha. i gotta stop thinking like that. it is bad.

well what does it matter if they do?

well it matters to ME and to other white working class cis christian male trump voters whose VOICE WAS HEARD during this election. WE EXIST and youre not gonna take our power without a fight hahaha.

it wasnt just white women who won this for trump, it was WHITES in general. a voting block. an interest group. of whites. all classes of whites. whites voting as a race hahaha.

so i shouldnt have held her in such high value. i was premature.

but i WASNT. yeah i was premature in falling in luv with her, because you should never do that until youre sure theyre in luv with YOU, but as far as valuing her as a person? not premature at all! we knew each other for years, had a good rel, she valued me, i valued her!

it wasnt like the women i “Casually Dated” earlier in life, 11 years ago, where it was beginnign middle and end all in just a few months.

thats muh point hahaha.

27 fookin interviews, now a 28th. come on. what the fook do these people want. how come SHE can handle this and i cant. how come SHE can make money and i cant. how come SHE can make a LOT MORE money and i cant. she can easily make 16 dollars an hour, i have to do 28 interviews just to make 11 dollars an hour.

so yeah in the end, thats the shit i hate. this isnt her FAULT, its just my Negative Thinking Spirals haha.

so yeah that shit isnt valid. im not allowed to be mad about that. but i AM allowed to be mad about How She Dumped me hahaha. that will never not be valid anger hehehehehe. but just stop all this shit about her making more money than me and being more successful than me. even if it is true hahahahaha.

hehehehehehehehe

but hes not a neet, has a good job, and works out, is not fat. also he is social and can talk to people. i BET he is SHORT AF. AND  asian or indian hahahahahaha.

i dunno. its just like jobs. you need to get USED to rejection. i mean i guess im USED to it, but i am also SLOWING DOWN. I’m TIRED of the rejection. its not the end of the world to get rejected, but ive def slowed down and become less passionate hehehehe. well i was never PASSIONATE. ok, how about lowER energy hahahaha.

i mean come on. i am TRYING to treat muh despair and muh anxiety by going to a shrink, taking meds, eating healthy, exercising, and trying to reach muh goals of getting a job.

so maybe i need to get a NEW shrink and go to them moar than once every 4 weeks. find a more hardcore shrink and go every 2 weeks.

yeah but i cant really afford that. i DEFINITELY dont WANT to spend the money. but maybe its a need i have convinced myself is a want hahahahaha.

needs you confuse as wants, wants you confuse as needs hahahahaha.

shitty feminist advice a few responses down, hope it gets downvoted

4th job on a sunday. air force. gs05 engineering job, 28k. probably get rej as not qualified, has happened before with simlar air force or army jobs. yet RECENT GRADS can get a PATHWAYS job at like 40k, gs07, yet i cant get an interview for a gs05, 28k job.

REAP WHAT YOU SOW. THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN, by making bad choices when i was young, mainly ommission type things, like not applying for a pathways job when i was a recent grad. it jsut seems out of proportion that because i missed that train, i dont even have a shot at a LESSER job later.

major edit on muh Document – edited unofficial college transcript down from 2 pages to 1 page. bringing document from 10 pages to 9 pages hahahahahah. i figure this will make me look less entitled and arrogant hahahaha.

206 credit hours of college i have. if we assume 30 credits per year, that is 6.87 full years of full time college hahahahaha. and still cant make 24k a year hahaha. at age 31. hahaha.

i mean i have to look a LITTLE arrogant to help HIDE THE STENCH.

ITS NOT OVERCOMPENSATION, ITS JUST COMPENSATION

hehehe its not a napoleon complex, its just a manlet who wants to have a normie power level. not a napoleon power level.

i have a LOT to make up for. so dont say im OVERcorrecting.

well feel a little better, saw a review on indeed for the bank that i wanted to get the IT job, and they said, well the benefits are good, but this IT dept expects WAY too much out of you and does not give you the support you need, expecting you to work miracles.

WELCOME TO I.T. hahahahahaha

and thats why i dont want to BE in IT, because i dont want to have to work miracles all day. its too thankless. PLUS i just dont give a shit about computers. they break and dont make any sense. just reinstall. rip it out and reinstall. take the hard drive out, blow on the connectors like an nes cartridge. if it still doesnt work, buy a new one. buy more ram, dont fix the memory leak in the program. hire another indian for dev. get an indian intern for free hahahaha.

HIDE THE STENCH.

kinda hard to do with the indian interns stinking up the IT office with their curry BO hahahahaha.

this is what multitasking has wrought. i always have at least two strands of thought running around like a demolition derby, often crashing into each other and increasing Net Confusion.

cant get a job, cant get a good woman, cant get a slutty woman, yet the woman i thought was a good woman now VASTLY outperforms me in the Work World, AND gives herself away at the lowest price, to TAKE ALL COMERS.

now there is a QUADRUPLE WHAMMY of insult upon insult upon insult upon injury!!!!!

ok ok ok STAHP JUST STAHP

why cant she just make less money tho. she doesnt even know shit about computers. she never took 1 computers class. she doesnt know any GIRLCODING! I took 4-6 coding courses!!! i have 35 credits in IT and Computer Science hahahaha. all she knows is reboot the computer and call us again when the error is on the screen. we have no record of that. it is what it is. theres nothing more we can do. it will be fixed in a future update, its a known issue. no eta on fix. is there anything else i can help you with? goodbye.

and she was never super duper career oriented either, thats something i liked about her. other women Forgo Serious Rels so they can go to College, Work on Careers, and Ride C0k carousel. She was just like a job is a job, better find a damn job, better not take out too many college loans. i dont want a masters degree, im just an average gurl, im not some kind of bossy ladyboss, i just want a regular job, i’m not a LEADER.

im kinda the same way.

welp ok so maybe its good i didnt get that IT job at the bank, but i would have liked the Records Back Office job at the same bank. i would still totally luv a call back you guys. and i can’t do anything more. i already sent muh thank you note, i always do that right after the interview. maybe I should wait until the end of the week of the interview hahahaha. so they can forget about me, THEN remember me.

so maybe i should go to VEGAS and smoke legal MJ in 2017 and gamble.

i went to vegas once when i was 29 and i had just met That Woman hahaha. vegas was ok. i mean it was exciting and warm. it would have been a lot better if i were a drinker……or they had legal MJ at that time. it was full of fooking southeast asians, mestizos, and degenerates. i didnt even really GAMBLE. I can technically play holdem but i was too cowardly to play a live table.

i would just as rather go to colorado or wash and do legal MJ because its more beautiful nature there. and that is a much bigger value add for me than gambling or asians. i mean sheeeeeit you can GAMBLE anywhere, uhhh i mean many states have legal casinos. thats nothing special.

nov 14

not a good match for FILE CLERK. obviously i didnt spend an hour tailoring my cover letter to show why i was THE BEST file clerk. simply stating the companies mission and saying i was all about efficiency and detail oriented isnt gonna cut it in current year.

been rejected without interview for FOUR File Clerk jobs with this stupid hospital. i only apply to them because they are one of the few companies that has actual File Clerk positions.  entry level jobs rather than supervisor/manager level jobs.

steve bannon. was associated with breitbart. tv news refers to him as “alt right.” prob not accurate. breitbart is more alt lite hahahaha. but its good to have an alt lite guy that high up eh?

and cnn says he made anti semitic remarks 10 years ago? EVEN BETTER!!!!!! PURGE THE BERGS AND STEINS!!!!!!!

i dont even hate individual joos if i know them and they are decent people. ive known a couple, one or two hahahaha. but as a whole, the top joos have done too much damage and have to go back.

heres the thing, you got your money joos and then you got your culture joos. you got your zionists and then you got your marxists. i dont care for either of them.

monday morning. checked the school jobs site on monday because they dont get to indeed ever, so i gotta make a note to check once a week. nothing new there unfort.

see shrink today, got to try to get something useful there.

how to stay motivated and productive with job search, how to not hate women, how to stop comparing myself to HER, ie she dumped me AND she is more successful/bigger winner than me. desire to do MJ all the time. being MORE productive, stepping game UP from just baby steps.

ok did muh pushups. ideally would like to get 1 job app done before 12, then do 45 min powerwalk, then shower, then shrink, and 2 or 3 more job apps after, and a 30-45 min powerwalk before Early Nightfall hehehe.

got a new pair of Athletic Shorts because the ones i have now have gotten so big that I worry about them falling down when I Brisk Jog hahahaha.  less than 10 dollars from amazon. had huge amazon gift card from market research study.

ok right on schedule here to get 1 app done by 12 hahahaha. but should i really waste my time applying to a 36k state job? i mean come on.

well because I cant FIND any 26k jobs hahaha. its easier to find a 36k job than a 26k job. there are more 36k job (openings?) than 26k file clerk jobs hahahaha.

i want to bang this successful career woman who Has It All in the Peloton commerical, she is like 32 years old, in very good shape, loves to bikeride 1488 miles a day, has a 3 year old child, and has a 5 million dollar house like a CEO. that HOUSE. are you KIDDING me.

interpreting the supervisors point of view. hahahahaha. how is this even a job requirement hahaha.

how about you just ask the supervisor what they mean. because that would waste TIME IS MONEY, TIMEMONEY, and the manager is known incompetent who doesnt know what he’s talking about, also he’s an abusive bullying asshole hahahaha.  he or she. so were hiring you to do the managers job and to read their damn mind.

ok took 2 mile powerwalk, shower.

how to take shit from people.

just keep apologizing. im sorry. im sorry. im really sorry. i wish there was something i could do. but theres nothing i can do. im sorry.

STOP SAYING IM SORRY! AND I CANT BELIEVE THERES NOTHING YOU CAN DO! LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER THEN!

I cant do that. theres nothing i can do. im sorry. im sorry.

repeat for 50 hours a day till you die hahaha.

have you ever found yourself in a situation where you were desperately saying IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY? it is pretty humiliating. I was in that situation with That Woman. I can assure you it was not good at all. i shouldnt have said im sorry so much, but thats how desperate and out of control i was. it sucked. she didnt like it either. she clearly saw me as weak and annoying. disgusting vermin. gregor samsa the jooish vermin bug hahahaha.

grindr gregor is not a goyim hahahahahahahahahahaha

sheeeeeeeeit. i mean i do FEEL more productive when i get 4 apps done in a day. other big achievements are doing 4 or 5 miles of walking and def getting under 1200 calories. is deffo another biggun. so yeah. if i can do 4 apps AND get under 1200, thats a good day. the 4 miles at that point is negligible.

heh. when a city job makes you fill out their pdf app……….and then makes it an uneditable pdf. and wants you to drop it off at city hall. they literally want you to print it out and handwrite it and they have no computer version of it. seems so……inefficient hahahaha.

well acrobat reader lets you add your own text thank God hahaha. GRAMMAR SCHOOL? REALLY? this is a hoity toity city and they want “grammar school” aka grade school. OK well i will jump thru a lot of hoops for a 32k job!

and then mail in the 13 pages with like 4 stamps hahahaha.

ok i completed the pdf, compressed it to a reasonable size, sent it to city email address, requesting confirmation, asked if i should also drop off a hard copy (OF COURSHE YOU SHOULD!!!!!!) because why should these well paid city lackeys of a richer city pay for printing when the working class slob applicant can hahahaha.

gonna have to go back to the well here and find some more jobs. the swamp. WE ARE GOING TO DRAIN. THE. SWAMP. hahahahaha.

went to shrink, didnt talk about much useful, just muh 4 interviews and the election haha.

welp, got below 1200 calories today, and 3 applications done, and 4.4 miles walking. did not get 4 done but i had to go to shrink hehe.

took 1 benadryl pill. it was tiny and it doesnt seem to be as strong as nyquil. which i guess is what i was going for. still feel a little sleepy tho.

yeah what bothers me about all this is, i just want to know am I a shitty person or not? did i do something horrible or not? was i a horrible niceguy or not? I have essentially been charged with a crime and i dont know if im guilty or not. i dont like that ambiguity. lack of closure. i want to know if i did something bad, or she just overreacted……..because i dont want to be a bad person or do bad things. period.

i mean yeah my gut tells me, i didnt do anything HORRIBLE per se, i wasnt a nice guy per se, and yes she DID overreact a LOT. however i was cowardly and i know how to act better in the future. but no im not a horrible person, i didnt do a horrible thing, im not xkcd friends comic niceguy.

i just reallllllllly dont want to be a niceguy either.

i dont think i was. per se. i had some niceguy tendencies but at the end of the day i said fook this shit, tore the bandaid off, took a final stand and died on that mountain, which a nice guy would totally not do.

NOT EVEN MOST WOMEN ARE EVIL CHILDREN

nov 11

sheeeeeeeeeeeit LEONARD COHEN died. age 82. not sure what. he came out with that new song/album a few months ago. out of all the famous singers who died recently, LC is by far the one I liked the most. I was/am an actual literal serious LC FAN. I have seen LC live. TWICE! I have spent hours listening to and fully enjoying LC, respecting an admiring him. I know he was old and obviously wouldnt live forever, and his health seemed to be declining even with that. he did not have long in other words. and here it happened.

ive listened to him less the past few years, and have been trying to keep his JOOISHNESS in mind critically, but he was still prob muh fav JOO. and now that he is gone it would be a lot easier for me to push the button and send them all back to their homeland hahahaha.

i still think he was a good guy. i just didnt like that his profound songs, lyrics, philosophy had to be somehow TAINTED with jooishness.

i mean i dont think he was a typical antiwhite joo by any means.

he died on MONDAY and we only heard about it on THURSDAY? well thats more than fair. i would just hate for him to be pressured to make an anti trump statement during his last day of life hahahaha. who knows, he probably did before hahaha.

cant find cause of death. i mean it doesnt really matter, i just want to know if he secretly had CANCER like david bowie.

sheeeeeeeeit now i gotta listen to his latest album released 1 month ago. i heard one song from it and i didnt love it.

unfort i had a dream about That Woman last night so i am thinking about that.

also that she knows that I am a big cohen fan so when she hears about his death she will think of me unless she is just THAT dense, 50 50 chance there hahaha.

basically how can any big LC fan be a total betraying piece of shit? she would think if she was smart and mature, which she is not hahaha.

like LC, i have lived for years blaming myself for hurting and disappointing someone i luved, totally being a coward. this is kinda how LC viewed himself too. disappointed in himself for being a coward who hurt the people he luved. i totally know that feel.

anyway he captures that guilt and Vulnerability very well, all real fans know this.

anyway the dream: in the dream i finally received my long awaited Long Email from her. she actually never appeared in the dream, just the email.

the email was nice and long. but it did not have her name on it, and it was in my Spam folder, and I easily could have missed it because it was buried among 6000000 emails in my spam folder. (not realistic, i check and empty spam every day and there is never more than 4 emails in there due to how often i check it)

i read the email and while i was glad she was finally communicating with me, it was frustrating. i think she apologized for shutting down. but she spent a lot of time talking about her new bf. and how she had to go out and be young and stupid for a while, dating around, euphemisms for being a casual sex slut. then she finally met this guy who she cant even explain. on paper he sounds horrible: immature, unfriendly, he’s even more emotionally sensitive than me or even YOU (meaning me!), grumpy, stubborn, but I just saw something in him and now I am so happy.

(that made me angry and be like yeah but i am better than that! hes even MORE emotional than me? why couldnt you just pick ME instead? why go out and be a slut and then end up with a guy whos like me, but even WORSE? why not contact me earlier and give me a chance? I still luv you!)

so yeah my ultimate feeling after getting the letter was frustration, not really any greater closure, but a reawakened desire to try to beg her to come to me, pleeeease think about dating me, please give me a chance, you’re dating an emotional, short, grumpy, awkward guy, i am all those things too, but i am trying to become a better man though! and i would luv you unconditionally!

so yeah the whole feeling was like, this doesnt make me feel much better, this wasnt the closure i was looking for, she didnt talk enough about the stuff i wanted her to talk about (apologizing, dont blame yourself, youre a great guy) and talked too much about stuff i didnt want to hear about (new emo boifran, slutting it up.)

and she said, you absolutely need to have no contact with me in order to get over this, we cant talk again for like a YEAR. and just go out there and meet new people. I did! good people, bad people, just any new people. youll meet a few shitty people but eventually you will meet a great person and then you will get over me!

so that was technically good, becuase yeah thats exactly what i need to do, and that was her saying, theres no chance between me and you.

mainly i was angry because i was like, overall, she doesnt’ really GET it. this isnt the letter i wanted.

but that made it easier for me to dislike her and to see how Incompatible we were, so thats kinda good tho.

but it also sucked to bring all the feelings back to the surface again, to remind me that i still wanted her. i had a strong urge to reply and try to persuade her like a game of chess. i still want you.

so yeah. basically it means that a letter from her wouldn’t do a ton of good at this late date. its too late hahahaha.

but technically i wouldnt mind DISliking her more. or an apology, an admission of her guilt, and her saying it wasnt my fault.

so yeah. i guess an email wouldnt be all bad. because i HATE being misunderstood, and not listened to, not given a chance to defend myself, and having someone i luv, hate me forever.

but yeah i dont need stupid dreams bringing HER back to the fore, when there are much more important things happeneing in the world!

trump victory!

leonard cohen dying!

and all i can think of now is, well when she hears about LC dying, she might think of ME and maybe try to contact me!

sheeeeit shes prob so busy working, making money, succeeding, and being in luv and fookin new bf’s, to ever hear about LC or remember anything about him.

i mean she could even have a CHILD by now hahahaha. thats how long i havent seen her.

she is SO MUCH OVER ME, and I am not really enough over her at all.

i mean i get good days and bad days, and had a couple bad days re her recently.

also, my good days are worse than normies bad days hahahaha.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/told-him-my-true-feelings-and-now-its-truly-awkward-0

good advice from communist alice. it takes courage to confess feelings. open direct communication is the best way forward. he doesnt want to reject you as a person.

thats something thats not covered in these talks. when you confess feelings for a friend, the “norm” is they are like, i dont feel that way, but i dont want to lose your friendship, you are valuable to me as a friend, and then you say, well yeah its complicated! but some space would be nice, can we agree on some space, i mean i wish you well tho.

but from her i got YOU BEATRAYED ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT I NEVER WANT TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN!!!!!

which left me devastated. but i didnt really get that though. i just got nothing.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/friends-partners-possible

again, just have a direct conversation, with no warnings of this could really really really blow up horribly.

which leads me to believe that blowing up THAT horribly is not normal.

ie, SHE DEFINITELY OVERREACTED BIGLY.

which doesnt mean i wasnt a coward, i def was.

but it takes a lot of courage to do this, AND she overreacted WAY too much, even for a WOMAN.

women are not that bad, white women voted for TRUMP. white women voted for trump. white women are not degen garbage who fook dogs and negros. at least 53% of white women are good hahahaha.

ok call to job int in 2 weeks from stupid hospital. yes THAT hospital. this is for an afternoon shift job with no benefits (casual) and which will be lucky to get 12 an hour. oh well. hopefully they can at least have the decency to give me an actual interview!!!!!!!!

instead of me showing up at 830 am, them saying you would be bored with this job, why dont you try applying for something that would be a better FIT for you, dont look desperate, this job isnt for you, we here at this hospital look at the types of jobs you apply to, you should really apply for something thats a better fit for you, good luck, buh bye.

goddam k1k3s hahahaha.

no you cant just APPLY for one of the 4000 new trump administration jobs. i checked hahaha.

forced self to eat less cereal this morning than i would normally eat.

fookin portion control!

stupid computer. hard drives. never had a hard drive fail. WHY did it fail? was i using the computer too much? i did use it a lot.

but its also been making a weird clicking and humming noise for like 2 months. which i wasnt sure was the hard drive but now i am much more sure thats what it was. cuz the beeping came from the same place.

root cause for hard drive failure. we dont know why your hard drive broke and you lost all your files hahaha.

well my most important files are all on The Cloud. i am really just losing a bunch of music files i downloaded. thats about it. really not bad.

leonard cohen. well he fell in luv many times, even more than i did, and was able to turn his profound feels into classic, timeless songs that will last hundreds of years. i do not have that talent hahahaha. just this blog hahahaha. this blog is my “hallelujah” hahahaha. my “suzanne” and all that shit. so long marianne. im your man. first we take manhattan. take this waltz. dance me to the end of luv. great song, i dont care that some joos say its about the h0l0h04x, its still beautiful. bird on a wire. you know what song i like is sing another song boys. everybody knows hahaha. a great newer song is “alexandra leaving.”  heart with no companion. the future. all that shit. joan of arc. avalanche. chelsea hotel. famous blue raincoat. lover lover lover. all great songs hahaha.

you gotta be a goddam POLITICIAN to CAMPAIGN why you are the BEST candidate for this 11 dollar an hour job. you cant just say the right things, you gotta really sell yourself and convince people. SHE couldnt do that! but she gets a good job just because she doesnt have a GAP like a NEET hahahaha.

hehehe. hey i had an offer for a tech support call center help desk tier 1 job myself, for good money. but i turned it down because i was too SCARED and COWARDLY.  i was like, its not worf it m8.

one thing i got better at is giving clients bad news. give a brief story of specific example when you were bad, then what you did, seek out mentorship, read books, watched youtube, here’s the top 3 things i learned, and here’s a specific story of when i got good at giving the bad news. of our company doesnt want to spend the money to fix our broken equipment hahahaha.

anyway i am real bad with these specific stories. i have a few but they are just not good enough. i SHOULD have written them down while i was THERE. to make them as DETAILED and EPIC and HEROIC as possible. spin them so they have a better ending of we just ignored the person because there case was too hard and expensive to solve, so we gave them the runaround until they stopped calling, because the person who did know how to help them just didnt want to, and we dont have access to the secret information in their head. job security. dont tell anybody anything and sure as hell dont write it down. and then dont help the people who are begging you to help them, becuase they dont even know you can help them.

but yeah now got the 28th interview lined up. not nearly as excited about this job, but welp the PIPELINE hasnt been so full lately hehe.

HONESTLY. why cant the skool just hire me already.

got like FOUR rej emails yesterday for various jobs. and less than half of places actually send rej emails. so what does that tell you. i rarely even APPLY for 4 jobs a day anymore. 3 or 4 on a GOOD day. 0 or 1 on a bad day hahaha.

ok applied for hospital job on the slow computer. great job, entry level data entry thing with very short description. prob get rejected as i always do for these hospital jobs hehe.

took some nyquil. always a good time there. wish we had legal mj. maybe in 2018 election. why not 2017? i thought the state could technically do something like that at ANY time.

but good luck getting Normal People out when there is not a presidential election! like for local elections, no one ever comes out.

even in the big 2016 election, only 55% of eligible people voted. tons of people were just not registered or just too lazy to vote.

i agree that i am too lazy and dont DESERVE to vote, but thats NOT what these people are thinking, they are just too lazy and uncaring to vote. i vote because i know i have to make use of this power (which i dont deserve, but i have anyway) to keep The Enemy From Winning. that much i can do.

im not proud of how i acted and some days i REALLY blame myself, but the FACT, the FINAL FACT, the VERDICT, is, SHE OVERREACTED BIGLY hehehehe. women tend to overreact and she overreacted on top of an overreaction. so that is on her, and i shouldnt and cannot blame myself for that. like i MADE her do that.

nov 12

yeah basically i thought even though our rel was In Trouble, that I was entitled to, that i had EARNED THE RIGHT TO DEFEND MYSELF.

how can you so easily throw me away, make me dead to you and you dead to me? we knew each other for 3 years!!!! Ive earned the right to defend myself against what you’ve charged me with! so lets have a damn trial! lets sit down and talk and present our cases before the judge and jury! i am confident enough to represent myself as my own attorney. you can get an attorney too if you like.

well then we would have to hire a judge and jury. that would be too expensive. finding an impartial group of people to make a decision on something that onyl matters to ONE person, me.

so yeah a Trial would have been NICE for me…..but its an expensive bourgeois LUXURY to have a trial.

no ones ENTITLED to a trial hahahaha.

your trial, my funeral hahahahahahahaha

just spending money like water this week and its not even xmas hahaha.

so yeah. i thought she would be willing to give me a TRIAL. LET ME DEFEND MYSELF. LISTEN TO ME. again thats all part of the Natural, Beautiful Complexity of being Thrown Away. it is a flower with many petals hahahaha.

i mean yeah. when a person can just Switch It Off, so 180, thats a Red Flag that you are not compatible with them.

of course compatibility is a jooish lie hahahahaha. its not about compatibility, its about WILLINGNESS TO WORK.

yeah well she wasnt WILLING TO WORK EITHER.

16 months later, 480 days later, still thinking about this. well, 500 is a nice round number like 100% is hahahaha.

leonard cohen. whose the white leonard cohen. LC was a great man but his CYNICISM and DESPAIR and PESSIMISM was so TYPICALLY Jooish. i am all those things too, and i dont like that jooishness in me, but it comes from living in a jooish culture and world. i dont want to be this way hahahaha. the world made me this way. my goy heart innately rejects it.

not to say ALL of cohens stuff was pessimistic! but he also wasnt willing to reject his own jooishness. he had a good sense of being a joo. well, few joos do not. they just say, well im not religious, we dont go to temple, we’re basically white. except when it comes to evil racist white privilege and granny dying in muh holocaust, then they are 6000000% jooish.

heh all the cohen fans are also antitrump. and i said, well if a person is a cohen fan they’re prob good people. hahahaha. no they are shitlib antiwhites hahaha. i might be the only trump supporting cohen fan in the world.  now, trump supporting cohen fans, i guarantee you THEY are good people hahahaha. great intersectionality there.

ghoul doxxing himself damn. yeah i am jelly he is a handsome nonnevergf chad, but its good for our people, and it takes courage to do this. i mean his real name hasnt come out, but its just a damn matter of time now.

i mean hows he ever gonna get a job as a phd now? thats what i worry about.

well he could prob get a job at a community college, which is seen as BENEATH the majority of phds…….but i can verify that its NOT beneath a sizable minority of them hahahaha. and i think ghoul would appreciate the chance to actually influence real people. i mean the CC is the great equalizer A LOTTTTTTTTTT more than some bourge university is, i realize that, and im sure ghoul realizes that.

white women voted for trump. white women voted for trump hahahaha. my knee-jerk reaction against white women is BAD, negative, a reflex i want to change. i get Stankface and think, these disgusting negro fooking sluts. these stupid annoying children. emily youcis, get the fook out of here, i dont want any annoying sluts in muh alt right white movement.

i would never hurt or abuse a woman, but my GOD do i TALK SHIT about them NONSTOP. my first reflex is to talk MAD shit about women. and i wish it werent hahahaha.

maybe if i met emily youcis in person and had a 1 on 1 conversation with her i wouldnt dislike her so much hahahaha.

but now im like, ha. women. these bandwagon jumpers. she’s just doing this because its edgy. she’ll be gone in ONE YEAR. I’ve been pro-white for six years hahahahah and just getting deeper.

its SAD that my FIRST REACTION to white women is one of dislike, negativity.

bbbbut im in a woman hating phase right now, it will pass.

i will be in a woman hating phase until i get over HER, which will take 2 full years hahahaha.

so if i am still hating women in july 2017, then i should work on that hahahaha. that is my deadline hehehe.

but yeah i can convince myself that white women arent all bad (i dont really care about nonwhite women, they can ALL be degen pigs, disgusting animals, and i just dont care, because theyre not “My Women.”) when i remind myself, 53% of white women voted for trump hahahaha. i mean thats a powerful Logic Bomb hehehehe.

basically, Not All Women, and Not Even MOST Women, would Heartless Hurt Me Deeply. Not Even MOST Women would have disgusting casual negro sex.

that is my Positive, non pessimistic mantra for the day haha. NOT EVEN MOST WOMEN. are evil children. or just destructive bratty out of control children, 50 foot baby with 600000000 machine guns.

come on. just pay a person to do what you dont want to do. it doesnt even have to be a professional. just hire the dr nick of relship counselors hahaha. pay tyrone off the street 20 bucks for crack to be a messenger of bad news. hey i dont like giving bad news either.

applied for 3 jobs. called one thing “payroll clerk” in cover letter even though official name is “payroll assistant.” WHOOPS auto disqualified! this is the same company i really really really wanted the IT job at. a health care company with good reputation. i also applied for a financial job at that same time which they mentioned in the IT interview, i said I’d be happy with either but was 60 40 into the IT job re better fit. i was reallllllly hoping to get the job. got nothing. also did not even get interview for financial job. NOW i just applied for payroll job at this company. i KNOW they are growing like wildfire because they told me that at the interview. they plan to double in size in 2 years.

applied for PT general office clerk job at health care “business” company. have applied for this SAME job like 4 or 5 times, ALWAYS get rejected. then it opens again a month later, then i apply again. get rejected again. well, sometimes its a FT version of basically the same job. diff req numbers each time so i COUNT it on muh sheet as a new job. numbers up.

onyl spent 178 hours on Job Search. Maybe i need to spend at least 500 hahahaha.

i would much rather just pay the 2100 dollars that these hours are worth at 12 dollars an hour rate and have someone else do this work for me hehehehe.

just all so fookin retarded. i cant help but feel if i were like 22 years old instead of 10ish years older than that, they would be more willing to hire me and i wouldnt have to do 28 goddam interviews.

god damn j1zz burping cvnt.

well did good today on calories at least. and technically on job apps, got 4 done. beating the avg of 3 hahaha.

i mean sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

yeah i mean TRY to give me the BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT. 2.7 years, you think you’d be “entitled” to the BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT. this might not be the worst case scenario. maybe he wasnt a huge liar. maybe thats why he was always trying to hang out. maybe thats what he said in those emails i deleted. maybe i shouldnt ahve overreacted so much. yeah i know he overreacted too but what would i do if i started liking a friend? i mean yeah thsi is an uncomfortable conversation, but he’s not a bad guy, he means well, we were good friends once, i’ll send my mom, or a mutual friend, or a shrink, or pay a black crack bum 20 bucks, to be the bringer of bad news for me.

the fact that she couldnt do ANY of that tells me that she was ANGRY and HATEFUL towards me and WANTED to PUNISH me for HURTING her.

but yeah i’ll never know. going down that rabbit hole again. wouldnt be going down it if i had some MJ, or a JOB, or other women to hang out with, or more friends to hang out with. i mean i have acquaintances who will prob go to the bar tonight…..but i dont really want to go to the bar! but i should go to the bar just to be social right?

yeah but its so loud and packed you cant even TALK to anyone or HEAR anyone. you cant be social when you literally have to scream in someones ear. is it that bad that i avoid these sort of situations? why cant i just go to someones house and play vidya and games and MJ and we can talk at a normal volume and actually hear each other?

but i feel ashamed showing myself when i dont have a job.

and i havent had a job in 16 months hahahaha.

well, i am ok with doing my weekly thing tho.

sooo……do i want to do that thing on saturday night then?

well i mean….i dunno. i wish there were other social options other than the bar, or that social game. for example, a friend i could just hang out with at a home, play vidya, play games, watch tv, take mj hahahaha. MAYBE take mj. i am lacking friends that i am close enough to do that sort of stuff with. to actually have relaxed banter. my other acquaintences are big on sports and tv, i dont know shit about sports and tv. i try to talk about it but i cant get very far. its HARD WORK hahahaha.

when you go down from 36 waist to 34 and have to switch from L underoos to M hahahaha. and XL t shirts to L.

 

 

 

 

COOL IT WITH THE ANTIHUHWHYTE REMARKS

nov 9

wow just wow, i cant even. you white people. so xenophobic and racist and sexist and misogynist. i need a mental health day to meet with my therapist. white people. so afraid to give up oppressing everyone else. i am sad and scared and ashamed. i cant even. i cant believe thsi is happening in 2016. those racist white boomers. white men. i thought they were dying off.

the leftist tears, shitlib tears, the moaning and groaning and its literally the end of the world. so fookin awesome. i dont want to be a sore winner or anything, BUT….. i mean i still hasnt sunk in for me, this is a huge fookin deal, i am just not used to this, i was totally expecting a hillary win, i still dont believe it.

but yeah to watch them whine about muh racism and all that shit they always whine about, but its worse now, but we won, the whites won baby hahaha.

of course not all trump supporters are deplorable racists like me. plenty go out of their way to be anti-racist. probably MOST are anti-racist.

but those shitlibs will call you a racist anyway.i just want to go to twitter and reddit and msm and all these sluts and catgirls.

well supposedly white women went for TRUMP. WOW. i would not expect any women to go for trump.

systematic hatred, voting for HATRED and DIVISION bla bla bla oh god i am so glad these LOSERS LOST. I dont want these people to think that their pathetic weak beliefs are correct. i want them to feel horrible anxiety and fear and hurt their fee fees for the next 4 years. hell yes i am a sore winner hahahahahaha. because these sick degen shitlibs are a fooking CANCER.

no not the everyday people that i see everyday. oh even the real life guy i know that is VERY butthurt right now and engages nonshitlibs in discussions of white privilege and legacy of slavery and structural, systemic racism, and who shakes his head at whites, total ta nehisi coates, atlantic, joo york slimes worhsipper hahaha. professional moving up in his career, making 50k+ a year. he is just so angry and butthurt and disappointed and will probably be complaining for the next 4 years. he is a white man who i have known for years and is a decent guy……but he will never be turned from his shitlibbery. now i dont think he is a bad guy and needs to GET IN THE OVEN like all these other sick traitorous shitlibs. even though he is a total shitlib hahahaha.

so yeah i dont want any harm to come to him because he is basically my friend, but i do enjoy his butthurt to some degree, like saying, yeah youre WRONG with all your BULLSHIT and us evil white men arent ready to DIE OFF just yet. welcome to the REAL WORLD.

but yeah all these shitlib millennials (and older) in joo york and all that shit, they can all hang for treason, hahaha. deplorable traitors.

i am hoping for r10t5 by ghetto blacks and browns, so law and order can come down swiftly hahahaha.

i dont think david duke won though, which is kinda suprising, i thought LA went strong for trump, i know they did.

well there was like 20 other republican in that race……dont they have a damn primary? i didnt know that. i thought he was the only repub candidate for senate.

literally shaking. giving side eye to all the WHITE PEOPLE i see. i just dont want to go out and see WHITE PEOPLE!!!!!!!! evil racist white people voting for trump, for racism, for homophobia and islamophobia and transphobia and guns and slavery and rape!!! the only thing that  that keeps me going is the thought that this is the LAST RATTLE of White Racism, and we just have to stay strong for 4 more years, then the WHITE MAN is DONE.

anyway. as a white person who never tried to be racist, who once cared about being anti racist, i gradually learned that nothing you could do was ever enough. YOU WERE RACIST WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING IT because you didnt bend the knee enough, didnt check your privilege enough. if you were white, these shitlibs saw you as racist unless you did everything you could to suck their dicks, like the punchable face weak phaggots you see in hillary events. and these White Dudes STILL have Internalized Racism bla bla bla.

i did natzi this coming but now shitlibs are really piling the hate on white women. that white women really sold out all WOMEN in favor of their white privilege. because trump did a lot better than expected with white women.

hehehe people saying “fook comey” and blaming comey for “reopening the email investigation” and that ruined hillarys chances, when there wasnt even any real news there hahahaha. so this was all a plan to make hillary look bad before the election.

i never unfriended anybody over their obnoxious political views hahaha. i mean this one guy would be a prime candidate, but i accept him as being a good decent honorable person at heart. with some horribly misguided views that he probably will never change unless some nonwhites start accusing him of being racist, when he is a huge outspoken antiwhite antiracist. a scathing rebuke by nonwhites antiracists antiwhites would probably strike a nerve with him. bbbbut im not racist! i check my white privilege! im sorry for slavery and its legacy! i understand systemic racism! i know all about housing discrimination! urban crisis! i cant be a racist! ive worked so hard to not be a racist! being a racist is the worst thing ever!

this is the common theme, they think being a racist is the worst thing ever. i would admit that it is not. i would admit openly i am “slightly racist. of course these antiracists dont appreciate that honestly, they think WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? WHY arent you working to overcome your own racism? WHAT ARE YOU DOING ABOUT IT?

heh i will be amused just to hear these losers WHINE for the next FOUR YEARS hahahaha.

i have no precedent for this. still sinking in. still in shock. i didnt expect this. i expected hillary to win!

in 2012 i voted for mitt but also did not really expect him to win, but of course was slightly disappointed when barry won. but not NEARLY as disappointed as these shitlibs are NAO!!!!!!!!!

in 2008 I WAS the naive stupid immature shitlib voting for barry!!!!! and i was like yayyyy hope and change, this is so neat, progressive!

thankfully i got out of that. quitting drinking helped, i think it helped me Get Woke quicker. quit drinking in 2009, and i estimate 2010 was when i FLIPPED.

CA, NV, and MA have approved legal MJ! still waiting on AZ results. and maine.

uhhhh try not to dox but things got kinda heated in muh state, that is to say things were more exciting in this state than they have been in a few elections!

i wonder if it would be easier to sneak MJ out of Mass than out of colorado hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

defeated in arizona. still waiting on maine. well that SUCKS for arizona! i would be pissed if i were them.

anyway i would be super annoyed if i were on FACEBOOK and reading this guys posts, and everybody else hehehe. but then i would know exactly how shitlib my friends and acquaintances are. but do i really WANT to know?

if they are ALREADY my friends and acquaintences, well, good for them, they are GRANDFATHERED in hahahahaha.

of course i havent made any NEW friends since……..sheeeeeeit. years. That Woman, and this nice young man I used to work with, were the the only real new friends I have made since………………..i dunno 2010 hahahaha. and that nice young man im sure was a bit of a shitlib. actually he seemed Non political but if asked to make a decision as in an election, would prob vote for hillary.

yep i still read this sub hahahaha havent Tasted The Tears from the more political subs hehe. i mean its REDDIT, you know it is gonna get pretty YUCKY in there.

TASTE THE TEARS!!!!!!!!!!

white women, 53% trump, 43% hillary. i am honestly suprised here. i thought at LEAST 60% hillary for white women, basically all women.

American women voted overwhelmingly for Clinton, except the white ones

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2016/11/09/white_women_sold_out_the_sisterhood_and_the_world_by_voting_for_trump.html

so yeah WOMEN on a WHOLE voted for hillary, but WHITE women leaned towards trump.

THANK FOOKING GOD. Maybe it was WHITE WOMEN who were RESPONSIBLE for this.

basically this makes me feel a lot better about white women!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i mean not that i KNOW any white women who voted trump hahahhaahaa. well except this 47 year old woman i saw at this social event who has like 3 kids.

so yeah my friends and colleagues arent really EVIL…….but the people they want to lead them are evil hehehehehe.

im not even sure if the GOD EMPEROR has even spoke publicly since 3am in the morning. he sounded fairly presidential then but i am sure he was tired at the end of the night hehehe.

its kinda like an omega virgin falling in luv with a grill and putting the pvssy on a pedestal. rather than grabbing it hahahaha. our IMAGE of trump and what we WANT him to be are different that who he really is. there is NO WAY he can live up to our expectations. basically its very likely he will sell out and become a basic bitch establishment neocon like jeb bush or something. no wall, no jobs, no deportations, just a lot of tuff talk and no action.

i fully admit that could happen! and we will be disappointed.

but yeah i think even if/when trump disappoints, there will be other people like him, better than him, more alt right than him. he is just the beginning, but we do need somebody to be the first. when he disappoints, there will be someone else who does not disappoint.

so yeah i am fully prepared that he will sell out or soften in some way.

anyway last night in public there was still some hope that hillary would win. i thought hillary was gonna win. resigned myself hehehe. now these same people will be butthurt as hell today. i am going to a social thing tonight where the people will not be happy hehehehe.

oh well not my problem.

search white people on twitter

white guy saying white people are the worst, ugh,  i cant wait until white people are not a majority any more.

looks like we underestimated the evil white racists and this is a dreadful, disgusting reminder of how much power they still have, and how far we still need to go, in being ultra progressive degenerates. we need more tolerance and more progressiveness hehehehe.

theyve been saying this shit for years, but now they are at a fever pitch with it, AND they LOST. YOU LOSE.  its hard to be a good winner about it!

heh. i do want them to feel despair, i have felt despair for years. i want them to despair so hard they fail at life, lose their jobs, lose their rels, go completely fookin insane. but they already ARE insane! yeah but they are also VALIDATED by having good jobs and somewhat good rels! they need more rejection and defeat in their lives hahahahaha.

its just more funny to think of the white shitlibs i know. its like, is your life really ruined now? is this really SO bad? youre still here, youre still making 50k a year, you still have a gf or wife or kid, you still are respected and can cry with your intelligent educated shitlib friends about how horrible the white man is, go to your hugbox hahaha. this isnt really a a huge loss FOR YOU hehehehe. but you feel sooooo bad on behalf of the muslims and women and nonwhites and latinos and blacks who are being BULLIED by this playground BULLY. chad the white fratboy bully.

i mean you HAVE to be upset, to SIGNAL that youre NOT A RACIST!

only RACISTS are not hugely upset about this!

i wonder how much longer i will be able to hide. i mean i wont be bitching for the next 4 years like These People hehehehe.

unrelated but i hadnt heard this yet, pretty funny

dunno just havent had A Win in 12 years hahahaha and this is a much bigger win hehehe. i mean this is huge election, very important in history…..and i was on the right side of it. the right side of history. i wont tell my children that i was some whining shitlib on suizid watch hehehe. i will say yes i was one of those strong proud free white men hehehe.  then i never got a white wife and never had white children cuz they went for the more alpha trump supporters, of which there are many hahaha.

WHITELASH HAHAHAHAHAHA

i remember in…..2006 or 07 i had this idea of “white backlash” like white people that were so threatened and fragile. remember i was still a stupid shitlib and voted for obongo in 2008, while also getting drunk all the time and thinking that whites oppressed everybody and were afraid of all nonwhites. and then demonized and victim blamed their victims. and did white flight and moved to white suburbs and bitched about how shitty blacks were.

thank GOD that by 2016 I changed my views and got on THE RIGHT SIDE OF HISTORY. hahahaha.

get ready for 8 years of WHITELASH and WHITESPLAINING.

HOPEFULLY the shitlibs whine and complain SO MUCH that eventually white people are like DAMN you people WHINE about WHITE PEOPLE so much,

COOL IT WITH THE ANTIWHITE REMARKS!!!!!!!!!!

thats kinda what set me on the path. nothing was good enough for these people. either you were antiwhite or you were part of the white problem. i was like, come on, white people arent THAT bad! cant i say one good thing about white people? white people ended black slavery. white people stopped hitler and ended your damn shoah. and its still not enough. because whites are the cancer of humanity, whites oppress everyone, whites are the worst. ok then.

that was a real thing for me in turning me. i just got sick of the antiwhite remarks. i dont hate anyone. i sorta even believe in white privilege. just…..stop bashing whites so damn much! jeez! we might be the cancer of the human race but were not that bad! i mean blacks, joos, and arabs are all pretty goddamn bad, we’re every bti as good as them hahahaha.

also becoming jq wise helped.

heh. this might help me get over That Woman.

I mean, its a YUGE thing, its a GREAT thing, a very POSITIVE thing.

getting a JOB would be another positive thing…….but thats been hard as fook. harder and longer than TRUMP going from a “joke” to GOD EMPEROR. DONT FOOK WITH US. THE SLEEPING GOY AWAKENS.

nov 10

dear god. try to use muh computer and turns out the fookin HARD DRIVE IS DEAD. well at least pretty sure it is. never had that happen before. it was making weird beeping noise. well, it turned on initially, then “disk” (not cpu!) was at 99%, so i tried to restart, ended up doing hard power off. then it wouldnt turn back on. gave error message about cant boot or something, check boot order, it basically was not being recognized. and it was beeping. for a few months before it has been clicking, i guess thats not good.

watched a few youtube videos, one showed that you could temporarily fix this by removing the hard drive and battery, then “reseating” them. I carefully found the hard drive (not difficult) and pulled it out (little moar tricky because didnt know if i was doing it right or breaking it). took it out, looked at it like a monkey, looked at the connections, looked at the label, blew on the connectors like a nintendo cartridge, tried to turn it back on, and same old shit. still beeping. cant get to windows. cant get to anything.

ended up making a Quick Decision. i need muh damn laptop!!!!! it is absolutely essential for jobz.

using previous laptop which is 4 times slower but the hard drive still works! its worked for 4 years and the new laptop hard drive only worked for 1 and a half! DISGRACEFUL!!!!!!

warranty was over after 1 year. figures.

who even KNOWS if it IS the hard drive? I am taking a gamble here.

but seriously folks. this old computer. its shameful that i let muh family use something that is SO SLOW. I just spent some money to buy some more ram for it. it still wont be fast but right now its so slow you cant even use it. you gotta turn off the antivirus just to type in blogs hahahaha.

basically can only have 3 tabs open. 2 gigs of ram. disgraceful. i cant LET my FAMILY use this! but they havent really complained about it. oh well. do the right thing. the hard drive is good at least.

anyway. went way over on cals yesterday, but stayed in the limit today. good. did 10 pushups today, good. only 2.2 miles of walking, meh.

went so far over the cals yesterday, absolutely obscene.

losing weight is 90% diet (what you eat) and 10% exercise.

fookin hard drive. i like the computer, just ridiculous the hard drive failed.

what if it didnt fail. what if it was…….the hard drive connector that is built into the motherboard. im assuming. i really dont like computers. i am just above average amerifat at working with them. good enough to make 15 an hour at a computer job…………..that is horribly stressful and involves being thrown into situations where you have to fix and explain shit where you have no idea what youre doing, being slammed by impatient and angry people ALL DAY EVERY DAY.

is that really worth 15 an hour?

had a dream last night that did not have HER, but it was like i was hanging out with people and we were doing a scavenger hunt and we went to a bowling alley i think and the instruction was, find the thing in here that reminds you of That Woman. There is one specific thing here that is a blatant reference to Her, if you really know her.

then i got all mad and was like you dont know her! you dont know her! all you people think she is so great but she’s not that great. i dont want to play this stupid game any more. she broke my heart. shes not some angel. i dont want to hear you saying how great and awesome she is. shes not THAT awesome.

so i was all butthurt. and everyone was like oh. well. sorrrrrrrrry. so you dont like her. youre a weirdo anyway. she prob had a good reason to dump you. she’s still a great awesome person.

then there was a woman with pink hair who may or may not have been her. i guess the idea was, i havent seen her in 2 years, and i wouldnt recognize her, ESPECIALLY if she got pink hair.  the pink hair girl was only in the dream for 2 seconds.

so then today i was slightly sad because i was like, wow, at one time we had a really good thing. and it went SO bad. i never wanted to hurt her, and i never wanted her to become so disappointed in me. she was a good influence in muh life, and her thinking of me as a horrible bad influence was HORRIBLE for my self esteem hahaha. you dont have to like me back, just dont think im a horrible person. i cant handle YOU thinking im a horrible person. that k’s me.

so yeah. when you lose a great person, and they treat you like you are a monster, its a lot harder than if you lost a shitty person, or they didnt treat you like a monster, because now you blame yourself so hard for pushing Your Perfect Soulmate out of your life and you have no one to blame but yourself.

but people ruin their own lives all the time!!!!!!! and they SHOULD blame themselves!

and people DO push people away ALL THE TIME!!! they abuse their longsuffering wife who rightfully leaves them!

so naturally i think i am one of those bad horrible people.

but im really NOT, but its hard to stop those thoughts.

so thats the hardest thing.

well it would prob be harder if we were ACTUALLY “dating” and i pushed her away from THAT. cuz i would have lost even MORE. and then i would have loathed muh self even MORE.

when really yeah i mean i was awkward and cowardly and WEAK.  but i wasnt waiting in the wings with ulterior motives like a nice guy. which is enough to legit rightfully drive a person away. and i hate that she thinks I am like that. but i can see how she could. but i hate that a person i care about things so low of me and she is gonna live with that memory of me forever. when im not really THAT BAD. and she was a great person i wanted to have children with hahahahahaha. a good white wife. and now i gotta find another one. that i have actual real feelings for. and not some thot hahahahaha. thot genocide.

but yeah whatever. i lost a very very very important person to me and they hate me and will remember me wrongly forever. no big deal. you can easily replace all that. hahahaha.

all these idiots think trump is FULL OF HATE. wheres the HATE i ask? how is he HATEFUL?

how is he a BIGOT?

you will hear HATEFUL or BIGOT whenever these losers start talking. they are even bigger losers than I am. at least i am not ashamed of being white hahahaha. but i am ahsamed of being a weak loser who loses more than leftist shitlib antiwhite antiracist swpls hahahaha.

what if this new hard drive does not fix the computer?

i also had to buy an acer windows recovery disc from acer so i can reinstall windows. because microsoft, saw muh activation key, said nope you gotta go to the manufacturer for this one. put in serial number at acer, i am kindly allowed to buy one disc forever for 20 bucks. no downloads hahaha.  there are grammar and spelling mistakes on the acer website. i should have not gotten an acer. fook them. the refurbished dell inspiron…..sorry latitude is a more solid computer.

and oops i ordered the same brand of hard drive that was in there. didnt really shop around for hard drives.  seagate brand. well it had a good rating at newegg.

well well see. if it doesnt work then i just totally wasted 60 bucks and then next thing will prob be drop even MOAR money on a totally new comp. sheeeeeeeeeeit.

well ghoul from TRS has revealed his RL face, kind of a big thing. he is starting a new show on youtube. i was shocked at how handsome and normie chad he looks like. i figured he would be an ugly autist from the way he talks. all awkward autistic. but noooo. he looks like a healthy fashy handsome spencelerian white ubermensch. GREAT.

however it kinda made me like him more.

but also made me envious.

on 30 minutes in the oven, they interviewed ghoul once and hes like, its really not that hard to find a good woman, you can find one in a BAR, you just gotta put yourself out there, talk to people, show initiative, be a somewhat interesting guy.

easy for you to say, handsome chad!

but yeah just from the awkward way he talked, and the fact that hes doing a philosophy phd (i think), i figured he would be a huge virgin. but NOOOOOOO he prob has a good gf.

well good for him i guess. but its a hell of a lot harder for some of us. or, we finally DO, and they leave us because we are horrible and weak and push them away by being too needy hahaha.

 

 

 

NEVER TRUST NONNEVERGF NORMIES

nov 1

sheeeeeeeeeeit rejected for the part time city job, 15 an hour, was hopign for this as a kind of baby steps, training wheels, safety net. they had THREE positions open so i thought i had a chance. sent thank you emails to the three people on interview panel. (representing the three departments/positions.) got rejection email today. spent 14 minutes on application, 90 minutes in first test, 30 minutes on second test, 40 minutes on interview, and rejected. damn.

well, they either have promised the jobs to family members, and or they are looking for an older married woman who is looking for part time job AND NOT full time job. because i made a statement like, “a full time position is my #1 priority.” basically saying to them its not my first choice that this job is part time. and you want a candidate who makes you a #1 Priority not an option!

i dunno, i’ll never know.

but yeah thats disappointing. believe me a part time baby steps job would be a BIG DEAL and possible LIFE CHANGER, just for showing that I can HANDLE some kind of Employment without completely losing my mind and running away panicquitting!

its kinda hard convincing someone “its company policy, you cant do that” if the company policy isnt WRITTEN DOWN anywhere, AND there is no good faith attempt at an explanation. you figure there is always some wizard in the back room with 2 years of experience (hehehehe) who knows the Secret Way Around Things. but you have just as much access to this Guru Ninja, as Joe Flabeetz off the Streetz!!!!!!

i was thinking of a stupid case just today, and i should make a GOod Story out of it while its fresh in my mind.

caller is moving to another company location 1 mile away. caller wants to move his client list from location 1 to location 2. he figures thats reasonable. calls, gets me, asks me to do that for him / get that process started. i say ok let me put you on hold for a few minutes while i figure this out. cant find any good articles. ask the people around me because i dont want to get Dinged for going into the Official Advice Chat, because that shows you arent trying hard enough to figure it out on your own, and just want your Hand Held. people around me say you cant do that, cant be done, and continue focusing on their own cases. Really, I say? why not? what should I tell this guy? just tell him it can’t be done. company policy. yeah but why? and couldn’t there possibly be a way to just copy the files manually to a flash drive, then load them into the other office? i mean these are all just FILES, right? why can’t you move a file from one computer to another? I mean yeah I know all the files look like WKDNSUH193734940.ngr and are in 1488 different locations, but…..isnt that what we have tier 2 and 3 for? this has got to be an escalated case right? people around me sigh and say, well, youre getting way too deep, plus theyre gonna say no anyway, that would take way too much time, but if you want to ask for escalation, go ahead, theyre just gonna say no, nothing we can do. and im like WRONG, there IS stuff we can do, but just be straight with me and my caller that it would take to much time and money, I can understand that, he can understand that.

i guess the reason you cant move a client list is so that people can’t “steal” their client information when they leave the company, and use that to start their own business or something.

yeah but this guys not leaving the company! he’s just moving to a different office! a fairly common thing!!!!

so i still dont understand. but for the purposes of my Story that i’m gonna tell the interviewer, i have to make it look like i made sense out of all this.

i think i just said, yeah i checked, this cant be done, i guess its security policy so people can’t easily leave the company with their client lists, sorry, i tried. and he was like ok fine i guess. thats our company for you, always getting in the way with stupid policies.

maybe im asking too much with a minimum of 12 dollars an hour. maybe i should drop it down to 10 dollars an hour. i see more 10 dollar an hour job openings than 12 dollars an hour.

maybe in another year of joblessness hahahahahaha.

anyway a good answer for that guy would be, welp, it would be FASTER and CHEAPER for you to sit there in the first office, print out 2000 pages of paper for all the clients files, and then bring the boxes of printouts to the new office, and manually reenter them into that computer, than it would be to transfer the files from one office to another.

but youre kidding me. i mean i get the security thing if the employee is permanently leaving. but employees transfer offices ALL THE TIME. YOURE TELLING ME that for the 100 employees that are transferred to a different office EVERY DAY, theres NO WAY for them to have access to their old files from the new office? that doesnt even make sense how that would be a policy!

i understand completely. if you’d like to dispute the policy, the best person to speak to is the office manager.

I AM THE OFFICE MANAGER!

I mean, speak to YOUR manager, the district manager.

HE SAID TO CALL YOU!!!!

And I’m saying to call him and say that we can’t fix this. I’m not sure he can fix this, but he sure has a better chance at having more power than me.

well why cant you just trasnfer me to YOUR manager? certainly they have more power than you?

yeah they have too many cases and they dont think this case is worthwhile. sorry.

I want to hear this from them.

OK I’ll request a callback, but can’t give you a time other than to say it will be within the next 72 hours. And I can’t give you the person’s name. it could be any of 20 people.

you have 20 managers?

no, see, the managers don’t know anything. they only know how to MANAGE, and they dont do that very well. I’m having a level 2 person call you. they’re like level 1 people who have been around for 3 years and actually know stuff and can explain stuff. sorta.

i cant make this up folks. i worried that my fam would think i was weird or homosexual because i never talked to gurls, never had a GF, never had female friends, come on fam im 23, 25 years old, dont you think this is WEIRD? dont you worry im a weird pedophile? then i got to 30 with no GF, no female friends, and it was a lot easier hahahaha. it was like yep thats just the way he is. terrible with the ladies. but they never SAID i was weird or that they were disappointed. i thought it was weird that they didnt THINK it was weird, cuz i sure thought it was weird!

shit. might as well listen to that new deathspell omega album. not even excited. not sure i could get excited about a metal album ever again. new darkthrone album was kinda disappointing. what if boortzum made a new metal album? it would prob be disappointing like his last metal album. ok then what about muh boy mikko makes a new album? well see i didnt even really get into his new vapaudenristi album. i would prob get excited about a new stabat mater album hahahahahaha. we are abotu due for one of those.  uhhhh metal. big metal fan. yep.

mgla? yeah thats probably the most excited id get about a new metal album.

nonmetal album? i dunno. leonard cohen comes out with new albums and i dont even care, tom waits could prob come out with a new album and i wouldnt care, cuz i was underwhelmed by his last album like 5 years ago hahahaha. cmon tom.

tom waits net worth is 25 million hahahahaha.

heh. rej email for a 32k job. well, thats way more than 26k hahahaha. but ok well this is the county. i have been interviewed by the county for a….33k job and a 40k job. really would have liked that 40k job. but i get rejected for all the 26k, 28k jobs i apply for with the county. you gotta go to harvard or mit to get a 26k job with the county apparently hahahahaha.

OR JUST NOT HAVE A 15 MONTH GAP hahahahaha is much more like it!

if i ever got a gf i could see it being like this hahahahaha. but at least he cares about dumping her in a good way rather than just Ghosting and Blocking her hahahahaha.

yeah thats the hard thing when things END right in the middle of Your Honeymoon Period, is that it takes much longer to get over, becuase youre always thinking WHAT IF, WHAT IF, WHAT IF. you never got bored with them, you never got in a rut, you never thought maybe the grass is greener, they were always your perfect angel, never though, welp im bored with this person, they dont CHALLENGE me to be a BETTER PERSON, hahahahaha hahahaha.  or whatever bullshit hahahaha.

well honestly when you are in true honeymoon period, you DO feel like you want to be a better person because of them, the cliche is true!

i guess…..well you know you get that feeling of please just escalate this case, i dont know what im doing, this is above my paygrade, i dont know how to explain this, i just want another person to look at this and at least give them a better reason…..but youre not getting approval to escalate, and you sound like an idiot. in hindsight, the best thing to do would be, plan on staying an extra hour just to work on their case, and be like, i’ll call you back at 630 pm. thats the best i can do. because noone else is willing or able to look at this. and i need like an hour to figure it out. but i dont have an hour because we have calls in queue and i’m already over 20 minutes with your call. so im gonna sacrifice my family time so i can do work for free, for you. so you better tell my manager i deserve a promotion. not some diversity person from outside of the company.

listened to the new DsO. sounded just like the old DsO hahahahahaha. jangly and angular and chaotic and noisy and confusing. it sounds like what my mind felt like trying to do my old job. jumbled and confused and making no sense. anyway nothing new in DsO’s bag of tricks. total emperor has no clothes. they cannot get away with this any longer hahahahaha. just an exercise in wankery. yeah i kinda like crazy blast beats behind semi-clean guitars, yeah i like mikko, yeah they have their own STYLE of weird nonsense music, so you could tell them apart from other “math rock” or “technical” groups………but I guess Im just not super into the technical stuff.

i mean honestly. WHAT ARE YOUR MUSICAL INFLUENCES. thats what i would ask him. probably a lot of jazz hahaha. ornette coleman hahaha.

it sounds just like all their other albums, a pile of noise hahahahahahahahaha. smoke and mirrors. if he was actually down to earth enough to give an interview, people would say, yeah you know youre not as good as you think you are, ya underachieving autist hahahahahaha.  go make some more money at your normiejob and go cuddle with your tradwife hahahaha.

enjoy your beautiful part of france where there are beautiful mountains and forests and small towns and white people and no browns like in godforsaken paris. or calais hahahaha.

fooking k1ke bastards. cant even hire me for a part time job. was it because they can TELL im not a NORMIE? just like WOMEN can tell hahahah.

no thats not true, even THAT WOMAN didnt realize how much of a nonnormie i was! and she didnt Block me because she realized exactly HOW fooked up i was, she just blocked me because she was a coward. for all she knows, im a total normie who dates wimmin hahaha.  i mean this reflects worse on her than it does on me.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&rlz=1C1NHXL_enUS687US687&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=what%20to%20say%20in%20any%20situation

namely, any DIFFICULT/TUFF situation hahahahaha.

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f21/anyone-else-have-a-job-but-no-life-339841/index5.html

heh i should put SAS in the sidebar o links, decent forum. bunch sad sacks with no friends, no gf, some have jobs, some dont.

how did they GET these jobs?

yeah its muh GAP which is hurting me more than my lack of Interviewing Charisma. I actually have prob around average interview skills. better than that woman hahahahahahahahahaha who i still think about and compare myself to even though she has been out of my life forever for 16 months and is never coming back.

yeah the whole reason i LUV MJ now is because i used WAY TOO MUCH of it in my youth, age 25 and earlier. big mistake. never should have. but ive screwed the pooch now. because i ruined myself when i was young, i will pretty much always be addicted to w33d hahahaha. in that i am ALWAYS thinking about it, EVERY DAY, even when I only have it once every 200 days, im thinking about it all the other 199 days.  yes it sucks but DEAL WITH IT.

and the best way to do that, is just get a job any job ASAP,  find a MJ Hookup ASAP, and make a Big Buy ASAP. like $100 at least. buy a BIG bag of MJ.

get on disability because i have too much anxiety to work a job like a normie, then spend money on MJ hahaha.

those fookin phaggots rejecting me for the part time job when there were THREE openings. god damn. 3 openings and less than 30 people in the running. how the HELL was i not in the top 20%? where DID I rank? HOW close was I to getting the job? and what if i WASNT EVEN CLOSE?

again they probably wanted somebody who was perfectly happy with part time job, rather than someone who admitted yeah my goal is to get a full time job. probably hired a retired 65 year old person who just wanted something to DO to keep from getting BORED with retirement hahahahaha. fookin baby boomers.

rather than 50 year old people who are FORCED into early retirement and have to eat dogfood and live in section 8 housing with negros hahahahaha. elderly white people living in the black ghetto, eating dogfood. which is also black slang for heron.

ANYWAY. so i will crap on deathspell omega because……they are FRUSTRATING. basically they intentionally gave up catchy riffs in favor of super uncatchy “riffs” and its like they did this on purpose, they are purposely frustrating, and i liked that when i was 16 but now that i am over twice that age, im like, i want to listen to music to ENJOY it, not to work hard and struggle to overcome challenges and confusion. i have a hard enough time doing that in my daily life. just give me good songs. and i know they are capable of that! my favorite DSO songs are their slower more melodic ones!!!! “carnal malefactor” eg. beautiful song. write more songs like that. or the first song on “drought” was slow and melodic and establishes a very nice dark ominous atmosphere, before they tear it all down with their nonsense riffs…..and the nonsense riffs on “paracletus” actually seemed to work most of the time.

im getting too old for this shit hahahahahaha.

yeah but they are even older than ME! they are close to 40!

probably MJ would make it more enjoyable. i wonder if “hasjarl” does MJ. PROBABLY. knowing that would take a lot of the MYSTIQUE out. like this article on insvisible oranges implies: it seems RIDICULOUS to think of a member of DSO doing mundane things like going to walmart or tuning the guitar or having a goofy moment in the studio. to that i would add just about anything: hanging out with their waifu, taking a dump, going to work, trying to explain shit to angry customers, visiting their family. but they do all these things just like normal people, and yeah maybe i CAN imagine these things all too well, and so i think, no need to TRY so hard buddy. I KNOW youre just a damn normie! i bet he just gets super stoned and is like oh heres another wanky riff in 88/14 time that normie squares who haven’t taken jazz band 101 wont understand hehehehe. hue hue hue hue. yeah well youre a normie too buddy.

mikko aspa might not be a normie tho hahahaha.

this guy has actually gotten to the point of casual secs and can conclusively say that he is not impressed and he wants moar, but he just cant get to the second date. i mean if they FOOK on the first date, its a safe assumption theyre SOMEWHAT interested in you.  but noooooo they cant even fook you a second time!

i mean when a gurl FOOKS, how do you know whether she wants it ONLY ONCE, or more than once?

these stupid, stupid bitches. hahahaha. you think if he turned down the secs on the first date, then the women are gonna change their mind and want to go out with him for a second date?

WOMEN WHO FOOK ON THE FIRST DATE ARE NOT THE TYPE OF WOMEN YOU WANT TO HAVE A SECOND DATE WITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but nobody understands this anymore. there is not enough SLUT SHAMING!!!!!

treat people like actual people, human beings with feelings and hearts! thats how i treat women in real life! i talk a LOT of shit about women in general on teh internet, but in real life, with real women, I DO NO HARM!!!!!!!!!!

nov 2

yeah i was/am kinda pissed about getting rejected for the pt 15 an hour job with THREE openings. couldnt even get ONE of em. couldnt even get the WORST one.

interview tomorrow for goddamn ELEVEN dollar PT job, which is normally too low to consider for me, but i like the company, its close, i worked there before, i would luv to get FT job there, and ive had THREE interviews with them for pt 11 dollar jobs, all rejected, and the 4th tomorrow. (4 separate jobs.)

would LOVE to get call this week from the 2 other companies i int at last week. would def be disappointed af to get rej emails from them. not really PISSED, but definitely disappointed and weakened confidence. it cant get much lower folks hahahaha.

trump does not view women as full human beings, says hitlery hahahahaha. i thought, well, neither do I, but I would never want to personally do them harm. AND I view them as about 80% human beings, thats pretty good right?

still doesnt mean i would TREAT them as 80% humans, i wouldnt treat them like they have treated me hahahaha. they have treated ME like less than 80% human!!!!!!!!

anyway who cares. my new thing with interviews is, just memorize 10 stories in great detail.

let the STORIES be your guide.

i didnt know what i was doing, i couldnt explain the bad news to the caller because i didnt understand, i didnt udnetstand enough to ask the right questions to muh superiors, i got flustered. so i went home and studied the stuff until i did understand it. then the next day i called the caller again and gave them a better explanation.

even though most times just studying will nto give you the EXPLANATION you want. you still have to deduce the explanation for yourself out of the most unclear material. or speculate a reason or rationale or explanation why you Cant Do This, because nothing is given in a written company policy.

its usually safe to assume Money Is The Reason. saving money. and then you have to come up with a tactful way to explain that to the customer, we cant help you because it costs too much money.

i was watching this retarded show “taboo” which is semi entertaining, and then they did a show about “the limits of female beauty” or something and had a bit on The Most Anorexic Woman in the World, a french woman who LITERALLY looked like A Skeleton. I mean her actual FACE as well as her body was Emaciated AF and she looked like the Sloth Guy in the move Seven. looking at that face as haunting and horrifying. i said NOPE NOT GONNA WATCH THIS and i felt dirty being complicit in this very jooish exploitation.

id actually seen the episode before a few years ago. i recall they said this woman DIED shortly after the episode was completed. she was like 30 years old and LITERALLY at deaths door as they were filming, she was that bad, and she LOOKED that bad. it was HORRIFYING.

i know i was disturbed when i watched in the first time and when they showed her this time, i was super disturbed and just turned the show off. how jooish can you get.

 

sheeeeeit thats that type of stuff i worry about, now this poor sap is living it! guarantee this will be [removed] quickly hahahaha like most of the sweet reddits i post.

what if that woman did something like that? it wouldnt matter because she has been Ripped Out of my life for the past 16 months. 480 days hahahaha. who cares. doesnt matter. its all over. get over it.

so yeah my work stories suck because basically it was me getting flustered and saying uhh yeah i guess we cant do this, sorry, just deal with it, anything else i can help you with? so again, i have to SPIN those stories to show that I did Follow Up research to understand shit, and did callbacks to Clarify shit, in a world where NOTHING WAS CLEAR. half the time documentation didnt even EXIST. and the documentation that DID exist was WRONG, out of date, and or confusing/UNCLEAR AF.

and the people you can ask for help are often as unhelpful and unclear as the unclear shit you are asking for clarification on, so you learn to try to Figure It Out yourself.

anyway. ive sort of met the guy i will be talking to tomorrow. he used to walk through my department and i would give him a friendly greeting whenever i saw him. he seemed nice enough that he is actually the type who says hello to people, and i am the same way. yes thats right. im not this huge hateful asshole in real life. i am a scared coward who is so DESPERATE for peoples APPROVAL that i am super NICE to people all the time, like a total NICE GUY, the worst KIND of creep!!!!! hahahahahaha.

ok everybody wants approval. why cant we just call this golden rule. treat everyone the way you want to be treated. that is an even more valid explanation of me being nice to everybody. besides i dont stalk women like a nice guy. i send them a couple emails and let them throw me away with onyl minimal complaining.

i TALK like a huge abuser, but i have never ever ever abused a woman. but of course i worry that i would, because i TALK like an abuser when there are no women around. so its hard to tell. what is real and what is the mask?

i like to think im not REALLY an abuser. i have just been so disappointed by women that its very hard for me not to speak negatively of them. but alot of my stuff is legit criticism.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&rlz=1C1NHXL_enUS687US687&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=how%20do%20you%20convince%20people%20youre%20not%20an%20idiot

drop quotes by neil “magic black science man” tyson. maybe steven hawking. done.

http://archive.is/iSmnZ

stupid kyke hahahahaha why did i even trigger myself hahaha

http://introvertspring.com/introvert-may-slow-im-stupid/

yeah dont even tell the interviewer you are slightly introverted even as a way just to describe your personality is not super duper extraverted……..BECAUSE INTROVERTED IS A BAD WORD AND A BAD THING. Just say you are perfectly normal, a friendly polite person, and not necessarily the life of the party. Im just here to do a good job, not socialize. never let the word INTROVERT exit your lips. ANATHEMA.

i mean i havent done that recently, but i know i did at some point, maybe to explain why i prefer a Back Office Position over a Front Office Position.

they always say, ask her out on a DATE, BUT, problem is, youve been HANGING OUT a bit doing things that COULD be construed as datelike, where they only thing that changes is the word…..hey wanna go to dinner again…..but this time its a DATE???!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

yeah ok fine. if this is what you have to do, i’ll accept that. i would just rather say “i am starting to get changing feelings for you and might want to DATE you” would be just as good.

anyway. MW is now in the US. and uploading vidyas regularly. hope he keeps doing that. if the “dangerous haggis tour” stops near me i would like to see him. this is exciting. i am excited for him. he is pretty excited. hopefully he hangs out with plenty of hardcore WN’s hahahaha. his first stop was staying with antidem in san f4gcisco. all i know about antidem is that he is a joo and was banned from TRS for that. hes probably one of the good ones, but…….not a great start. just go stay with greg johnson hahaha. well i know “grindr greggie” also stays near NYC as well. anyway i am SURE they will meet up. and i hope MW records as much of his visit as possible. record everything. documentary. its just fun. i am happy for him. he is a great guy. hope he doesnt bang that woman hahaha. because that woman might have gotten into alt right stuff since i stopped talking to her. hahahahaha. yeah right.

but young women will do weird celebrity worship shit tho. for example, say youre obsessed with the band sublime, so you Chat with the dead singers mother or something. what if That Woman got all into alt right, then skyped with MW for months, and said, if you ever come to the US you can stay with me…….and fook me every way imaginable! no man could turn that down!

when a purty 7/10 25 year old gurl is giving you attention, smiling at you, interested in you, wants to see you…….that is a BIG boost to the confidence!

you might think, well she’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer…..but she doesnt NEED to be! she just needs to be nice and friendly and interested!

so yeah. she could def fook MW if she wanted. she could fook ANY man she wanted. ANY woman can fook ANY man they want ehehehehe. well…..she prob couldnt fook the donald. but an E-list internet “celebrity”? absolutely.

ok ok thats enough on that person.

but we just had a REAL relship! FACT! and it was important to me! FACT! and my feelings are valid! FACT! i am entitled to be upset when i lose a Real Rel that was very important to me! FACT!

trust the process hahaha.

basically, any way you look at it, it was a REAL RELATIONSHIP, and I can’t say that about many women. maybe 2 other women, both just friends, but decent real friends. the women i pseudodated, those were just brief pseudorels, CASUAL rels, i didn’t really know them, these were NOT REAL RELS, so ultimately its prob easier to get over something THAT NEVER REALLY EXISTED.

this shit really existed though. objectively. there is ironclad EVIDENCE that would hold up in court.

so yeah. you can ghost on a casual “rel”, but when you ghost on a REAL rel…….IT HURTS.

the end.

heard about retired guy, had great 30+ year career with DoD, prob insane pension, good man, he’s done well, good white family, good white man. gets PT job in retirement to just get out of the house. scheduled like 4 hours a day. shift starts at 830 am, but he’s gotta start working at 745 am to finish the shit he has to finish by 11:30 am or whatever. i HATE this shit. doing 45 minutes of unpaid work, on a THREE HOUR shift. so you are giving them 33% PERCENT MORE, for FREE. that is like working OVER TWO HOURS FOR FREE on a regular 8-hour day.

30 minutes extra, ok fine. an hour, that’s pushing it. and i am talking about a full 8 hour day.

i HATE when you have to work off the clock just to finish the shit you HAVE to finish by the end of your shift. thats so fooking GAY and JOOISH and I BET that that shit happens a LOT more now than it did 20 years ago.

and like i said before, you cant even brag that you are GREAT about doing this, as a way to demonstrate your value, because you shouldnt even be doing this. no. just say you do the work in 8 hours what average people do in 10. and then actually stay 10 hours to do 10 hours of work. but clock out after 8. fooking skypes. hehehehe.

PURGE THE BERGS AND STEINS!!!!!!!!!!1

had weird dream last night where i was with Woman2005B aka woman4. She was a weird pale white awkward nerdy virgin, very innocent. but also kinda bitchy and unpleasant. i felt woman2015 That Woman was innocent and sweet like her, but an improvement because That Woman was MUCH nicer to me. haha.

anyway in the dream she was smuggling heroin or something like that, and then i was smuggling HER with the heroin. and i was worried about getting her K’d, because people were looking for her and her drugs. I stood to profit from the whole deal too. i had fee fees for her and she was being bitchy and difficult. on the whole the dream was pretty scary with threats of death and violence. pretty sure i got separated from her. i think there was the idea she had gotten captured and was being raept and tortured. and i felt classic survivors guilt, like i sold her out so i could survive.

anyway not a pleasant dream at all. i had to force myself to wake up, and i was glad i did, because it was getting pretty bad. then i turned over on my other side and stayed awake for a few mins, then went back to sleep, no more dream.

andrew anglin is on the TRS forum now!!!!! oooo how exciting.

i guess my ideal career would be a Social Worker or a Counselor helping Neet men and virgin men, with neetism, despair, anxiety, rels, women, careers, becoming a normie.

but social workers dont DO That kind of work. they do work with people who are WAY more fooked up, like people who get abused, addicts, borderline, sociopaths, abusers, violent, drunks, poor blacks, felons, etc. people who are REALLY on the fringes of society, yet manage to reproduce, and ruin their children with their fooked up ness.

oh yeah. that woman in 2005, she was bitchy largely because I was a bitch and totally approached her the wrong way. namely by being a sloppy drunken fool who was clearly in luv at first sight with her. and i couldnt just be like hey wanna hang out like a normal person. i already hung out with mutual friends. if i had tried just talking to her directly one on one, i wouldnt have made such a damn fool of myself. when i am in a group, its harder for me to connect with the people individually……even if there is not as much pressure on me to “perform” and “be interesting.”

but yeah no one likes a drunk weirdo throwing themselves at you, im in luvvvvvvvvvvvvvv with youuuuuuu pleaseeeeeeeeee marry me.  just SO desperate.

and see i thought she was the perfect solution to woman2005A, who had dumped me shortly before, and i was heartbroken and hated her. but I found this GREAT woman shortly after! i guess that must be what a “rebound” is like………if i managed to date 2005B, which i didnt. so i was on the rebound, and got rejected by the rebound, hahahaha. downward spiral. shit i think the rebound girl would have been GREAT, she was better and qter than 2005A. if i had successfully “rebounded” with 2005B, that WOULD have probably fixed everything hahaha.

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/54138/how-to-tell-a-client-a-reported-bug-is-not-actually-a-bug-but-something-they

i should read this moar

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/23737/how-can-i-manage-an-in-person-job-interview-when-i-have-social-anxiety?rq=1

fookin successful normies hahaha nonnevergfs

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/55541/how-can-i-handle-a-co-worker-who-is-infatuated-with-me-but-denies-it?rq=1

aaannnnndddd heres the woman shitting everything up again. womaning up the workplace with her drama about all these creepy niceguys at work being infatuated with her and making her uncomfortable. women in the workplace is such a giant horrible clusterfook. woman in a male dominated field. FOOK YOU. get out of the male field hahahaha. believe me, they dont like YOU either. could actually get some work done without bitches in the office starting drama hahahahaha.

http://www.informit.com/articles/article.aspx?p=2133369

good thoughts here…..but how about some stories, examples, scripts.

i am JEALOUS of her that she has better skills at ADULTING than I do. can handle all those angry customers, tell them no, this cant be fixed, no, you cant talk to the manager, i am the manager now, i make 17 dollars an hour. explaining shit, or being like, no i dont need to explain this, it doesnt matter. just being able to work an adult job and live a mature adult life. so did she handle ME like a mature adult, because i was legit being that bad?

its never gonna be fun for anyone, answering those calls. youre ALWAYS gonna be nervous and stressed. but you just Face The Fear and Do It Anyway. and i jealous she has that skill. that she succeeded exactly where I failed ABYSMALLY.

well i have yet another chance to Face The Fear when going in for my interview tomorrow. another baby step. the 27th baby step.

but the thing is, heres the thing.wav, is that you have to be PERFECT in these things. whether its getting a JOB, or getting a WOMAN. ONE strike and youre GONE. there is PROBABLY more leeway once you actually GET the job (but not with the woman, with the woman, its always walking on eggshells, minefield, until you make that first, last, only mistake.)

like my job was HARD AS FOOK, but there was some leeway in there. ways to cut corners. I found out how to cut corners, how to evade calls, how to tack on a few minutes here and there, taking long lunches, long breaks, figuring out what i could get away with, how to play the game.

but yeah GETTING into the job is so hard!

well, getting into THAT job was SO easy.

but yeah it IS discouraging to get rejected again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again. and i AM pissed that they couldnt hire me for at least one out of THREE part time jobs at the city. that really irks me. one job i can understand. THREE is just insult to injury. REALLY? I wasnt one of the top THREE?

but yeah its gotten me worried about the OTHER two jobs from last week. I would be ECSTATIC, LIFE CHANGER to get any of those two.

and yeah it sucks that WOMEN can handle “adulting” as the women on reddit call it (really gotta stop reading that shit), but it sucks even more than SHE can handle it. i mean yeah she is pretty much my nemesis hahahaha. it just KILLS me how she can totally succeed where I have failed and throw me away like nothing.

ADD INSULT TO INSULT TO INJURY. that’s like TWO insults on top of injury. BROOTAL. SAVAGE.wav.

ARE THERE ANY WOMEN WHO DONT LIKE CASUAL SEX?!?!?!?!

oct 29

went to store. wanted to find cheapest face wash soap. have very oily face and starting to think that washing it with dial hand soap is just too harsh and may cause it to become more irritated, more oily, just beating the shit out of it. so i found “dial acne face wash” with salicylic acid. give it a try. i do not get terrible acne, but would get occasional small pimples just because the skin was so damn oily. now i dont have a problem with that per se, i know oily skin ages fairly well, so i will have decent looking skin when i am an old senior.

dial acne face wash for like 3.50, 7.5 oz bottle. pretty happy about this one folks.

really prob the best thing i could do is just wash/rinse with plain water, no soap on the face ever. period. and i might indeed go down that road when this bottle of face wash is done.

had a dream that I was face with like a 20 year old attractive nonwhite girl with brownish skin. i was like WELP I’m a white supremacist, but this gurl is being very interested in me, i COULD bang her, shes got a good body, she’s not ugly, i kinda DO want to bang her, just not make sprog mutant godforsaken abomination babies with her. yeah i will bang her good. maybe even 10 times. it will be fun.

now none of the banging happened in the dream of course hahahaha.

damn. your THIRTY FIVE year old wife with two kids wants to open your marriage now. where do these women get off? maybe a 25 year old woman, i wouldnt be so surprised. but youd think by 35, with 2 kids, she would be mature enough, and more aware of her market value, that she would stop with this hypergamous, have your cake and eat it too bullshit. do you really think youre gonna find a better man at age 35? and youre killing your poor husband cuck!

also this kind of open marriage is insulting to actual polyamorists, which i cant believe i am acknowledging!

this is simply a REAL shitty way of making an EXCUSE for, well hubby, i’m bored with you and i want to cheat and I just met a hot exciting sexy new guy i want to cheat with, so lets try an OPEN REL.  BULLSHIT.

how can she NOT SEE that he isnt gonna agree to this? how is it SO HARD for her to see that MOST people WOULD be VERY UPSET by this? youre 35 years old with a successful career and an 8 year old child!!

AND they are both seeing separate counselors, AND a marriage counselor together!!!!!!

and she still cant see that you just dont CONVINCE  (coerce) your husband into an open rel when he doesnt like the idea………..and 99.9% of men wont!!!!!!!!

i mean SHIT. even the polyamorous GUY the cheating whore was dating talked to the husband, could see how much it was hurting the husband, and broke up with the cheating whore hahahahahahahha.

thing is, there are plenty of women who have tons of casual sex and FWB’s……but they still have that moral line about CHEATING, and have never technically CHEATED.  so i am beign unfair to them with my implication that all casual sex nihilists are also cheaters!

well it IS a slippery slope, isnt it???!?!?!?!?!

sheeeeeeeit.

anyway. its very possible i dont care about a womans past, or a womans many beta harem male friends, when the gurl is OBVIOUSLY INTERESTED in spending time with me. its when they start shutting down and distancing themselves from me, and i get heartbroken and want them back but cant have them back, thats when i start complaining about all the guys shes fooked, or all her male friends that shes gonna fook, who are more sexy and exciting and fun than widdle old me.

but if the woman were ACTUALLY WITH ME for more than 3 weeks, yeah, i think i could put things in perspective and be like, welp, she’s clearly choosing to be with me. rather than making me JUMP THRU HOOPS just to buy her dinner once every two months, or MAYBE ill text you if my other plans dont work out.  when they CLEARLY make me a PRIORITY and not an OPTION. when they clearly make me an OPTION thats when i start bitching about their many other options. and especially their Priorities, who i’m butthurt they chose over me!

so yeah i honestly think i have a decent change of not being all insecure and jealous, ONCE a woman actually CHOOSES me as a priority for longer than a month!

i only get jealous AFTER I get rejected in other words. jealous that she rejects me in favor of them. thats less jealousy and just being plain BUTTHURT or sore loser. and its completely understandable! its HARD to be rejected! especially when you KNOW she is out having fun and lavishing that same shit that you enjoyed SO MUCH for 3 weeks, to some other lucky and/or BETTER guy!!!!!!!!!!

and then i think, COME ON, I’m not THAT shitty…………………………………..

……………………………or AM I????????

and then muh confidence is crushed for years hahahaha.

 

come on. shes 31. she should know how to be nicer to a guy when she dumps him. also its pathetic that he is so hung up over a 31 year old past her prime! this B’s longest rel is only 6 months, and she used to get on a plane to fook a guy before she met this beta guy. thats a good show of effort, when the girl is willing to put forth THAT much WORK, to FLY to see you, regularly.

thing is, they CAN show effort. they CAN be nice. you’ve seen them do it before, you’ve experienced them being nice to YOU before! so why cant they even be 1% as nice when they decide to dump you? be like this just isnt working out, its not you its me, youre not a bad guy, youre a great guy, this is my fault, you can blame me, im sorry, im the bad guy here, but yeah its over because youre not a priority for me and im choosing other guys over you, but its just because i dont want to put in the effort, youre not my type, im sorry to string you along and lead you on and give you false hope, you deserve a loyal and loving woman, and thats not me, im sorry, have a good life, heres at least 100 dollars worth of MJ to help you get through this, and here’s a shrink you can email who will act as my surrogate/representative. the end. hahahahahaha.

that might be a good idea too. hire a shrink to open a new email address and then monitor it and relay messages to the woman, and or shut down any “creepiness” with Firm And Direct statements. the shrink could do the email for 15 minutes a week, 4 weeks, for like 50 dollars.

shirnks or social workers have the communication skills that normal people DONT. so you should pay PROFESSIONALS to handle Breakups, in other words!

why do so many normies do things that you really need PROFESSIONALS to do?

why do you need to go to GRADUATE SCHOOL and become a PROFESSIONAL just to have a Human Relationship???????

i smell jooish stench here hahahahaha.

i dont REALLY think you DO need to go to grad school to have a rel, in other words.

well i mean MEN, because women never have to do any work in rels………..and thats FAIR. dont get mad about that.

i have EIGHTEEN full time years of education. shouldnt that be enough to get me 26k a year?

NO!!!!! you arent ENTITLED to anything!!!! you have WORK to IMPROVE yourself!!!!

well thats what I’m SAYING! i DID do a known quantity of work to improve myself: 18 years of education. isnt that GOOD ENOUGH to warrant, to ENTITLE me, to a 26k job?

NO!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

you hear stories of people who do millions of first dates but no second dates because the women are so terrible and unattractive. then i think, wow, now THAT WOMAN is one of those forgettable first dates for a number of men. yet i havent forgotten about her!!!!

what was so special about her?

well she was super nice to me and wanted to hang out with me and thought i was cool! that was a big confidence boost, AND she was a real nice person and I thought, hey, I LIKE hanging out with such a nice person! see, women arent all MONSTERS!!!!!!! what a good, nice person! this is exactly the type of person i want in my life! i should hang out with her more!

hehehehehe.

hehehehe id like to meet that dad. yoga pants ARE vulgar and they DO make women look like whores and it IS disappointing!

well him looking at porn is degen of course. but SHE, who doesnt have a problem with porn, has a problem with HIM watching porn because it means hes a hypocrite.

no, it just means he likes jerking off to dirty whores! he just doesnt want his daughter to dress like a dirty whore!

meanwhile she is a successful 25 year old career woman, completely financially independent, oooooo what a SUCCESSFUL, strong independent woman who dont need no man, no husband, no father!

he hates promiscuity yet BENEFITS from it by watching porn!

is he REALLY benefitting?

and is it REALLY promiscuous?

are you saying its BAD to be promiscuous?

are you saying PORN is BAD?

the moron doesnt even know what she’s saying.

”  “Women who wear yoga pants look like sluts.” is not a logical position, it’s an emotional one, and emotions are difficult to change.  ”

OF COURSE ITS A LOGICAL POSITION!!!!!!! YOU CAN SEE THEIR DAMN ASS AND GENITALS AS IF THEY ARE COMPLETELY NAKED AND SHOWING IT OFF TO THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!

and yeah that does make people emotional…….for a logical reason. the root cause is logical.

o come on. you think ALL those religious pray the gay away homophobes are all jerking off to “lesbian porn?”

NOT EVERYBODY FOOKING WATCHES PORN, YOU FOOKING VULGAR DEGEN NIHILISTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not all women haters, not all homophobes, not all religious sex-haters,  not all PEOPLE watch PORN!!!!!

stop ASSUMING everybody watches porn!! THEY DONT !!!!!!!

what kind of degen world do these people live in, where everybody watches porn and that behavior is normal???

these reddit women like to point out they will be SEXUALIZED no matter what kind of clothes they were, that they will be Catcalled if they wear a burka or yoga pants.

i cant help but think this is bullshit. yeah some perverted men will catcall and harass women in burkas, but wearing yoga pants is just gonna get you a LOT MORE attention, plus it shows that you ENJOY that attention. that you are actively ENCOURAGING that attention, not DISCOURAGING that attention, which is what dressing modestly does.

but yeah when you show basically your naked body to strangers, dont be suprised when people approach you like you want to get fooked. dont advertise your damn practically naked body. and get mad when men treat and look at you sexually. idiot.

heh. thats one reason i liked that woman. she NEVER wore yoga pants or anything slutty.

THAT I KNOW OF. what if she dressed like a TOTAL slut when she was out doing her thing.

it doesnt matter!!!!!

ARE THERE ANY WOMEN WHO DONT LIKE CASUAL SEX??????

oct 30

i am very happy with the new dial acne control face wash for managing muh oily face, without drying it out and abusing it.

heh. i just ASSUME the sweet jobs i interviewed for early in the week will not call me back. nope. i still need to pay more dues, do more interviews, 27 is not enough, im not good enough even for a PART TIME job. i would totally take the part time job because its a way to just get used to working and gradually build your confidence. where throwing you to the wolves for 50 hours a week will destroy your confidence and that terrifies me. in make or break situations, i tend to get broken hahahahaha.  in sink or swim, i tend to sink hahahaha.  so why do all working situations need to be sink or swim? because thats what WORK IS. kinda like joining the MARINES hahahahaha.

then how do SO MANY people DO it? who would probably flunk out of the MARINES?

cuz they dont mind lying and bullshitting and giving shitty service to angry customers and saying not my problem, cant help you, you dont have to like it, goodbye.

heh. when i havent found a “good” person, i always worry that i would have “grass is greener” syndrome, and women have certainly seemed to have it with ME, have no problem dumping me for for exciting men. but when i find someone “good,” i am fully committed. all in. and then i get quickly dumped for greener grass hahahahaha and heartborken for 2 years.

they alway mention loveisrespect.org hahahaha. if men acted like that, they would get dumped for being boring doormat pussy omega sissy unmasculine cucks. you have to DOMINATE at least a little bit.

but in my sensitive sissy heart, i LIKE that loveisrespect stuff. i want a women to accept me for my sissy self.

”  YOUR RESULT:
Your Love Language:
👐 Physical Touch
Hugs and kisses are so much better than any present, right? You are hopelessly romantic and could never date or marry someone who doesn’t like to snuggle on the couch or in bed each night. You enjoy holding hands anywhere and everywhere and think there is nothing sweeter than seeing an elderly couple doing the same. You understand that life is short and the best things in life are free!   ”

this is the result of my Love Languages test.

was not expecting this, i expected something more with talking or writing.

well, i do like cuddling, spanning time, hanging out, but i hate sex hahahahaha.

so yeah . take this physical language shit to mean that i take cuddling very seriously. and i do. but i dont need to fook 10 times a week, or right away.

YOU NEED THERAPY hahahahaha

hehhehe a 30 year old guy who keeps getting dumped by a 40 year old woman with kids. WOW thats gotta be rough. you cant even keep a 40 year old woman with kids from dumping you.

never mind a 25 year old woman with no kids and low number!!!!!!!

maybe she can use all the money she makes to buy herself a good man hahahahahahahahahahaha

because a 7/10 25 yo white woman with no kids needs to BUY a man with money hahahahahaha.

so a guy gets drunk and smacks a girl dressed like a slut at a halloween partys ass, and all the harpies on reddit say ITS SEXUAL ASSAULT!!!! RAPEY!!!!!! and i am downvoting them all hahahahaha.

like your BF never got drunk and smacked a girls ass before!

i never did, but i dont see how its the end of the world.

these reddit women, think EVERYTHING is SEXUAL ASSAULT.

oh good luck if you want to be going out with DONALD TRUMP. does he grab women by the pvssy too? donald trump SEXUALLY ASSAULTS WOMEN!!!!!!!

real life women actually believe this!

well real life women will believe anything the Controlled Media tells them……..or a strong dominant man tells them!

you just say, boys will be boys, baby, and then smack her ass and plow her hard hahahahahaha.

anyway. sheeeeeeeit.

how to stay cool under pressure. blacks do it. aint no thang but a chikun wang. ok great. how about some WHITES who are cool under pressure. like AUSTRALIANS. they just say she’ll be all right mate, and continue to bantz each other and call each other cvnts and drink vb’s. nothing BOTHERS or FLUSTERS them.

yep i totally understand those feels even though i have not been in that same situation really, but i have seen women choose other guys after dumping me and i would get mad and jealous cuz i really wanted to spend some more time with them and i felt they ended my “turn” WAYYYYY too soon.

again my horrendous sense of entitlement! im not ENTITLED to be with a woman longer than…..5 dates? 8 dates? however many “dates” we had. i think is a more accurate way of expressing it than 3 weeks or 2 month or whatever. cuz its not like we were hanging out more than once a week, once every 2 weeks. always an uphill battle trying to get them to make time for me.

they were never THAT interested in me! it was VERY casual! i mean really, That Woman, even though were never had Casual (or uncasual) secs, she was WAY more Interested in me, because she was willing to talk to me and hang out with me over a period of several years! when the other women were DONE with me in a matter of 2 months at most!

anyway when i went to the social thing, there were attractive 25 year old women there in the audience. i should have Chit Chatted with them. but thats hard to do when you are an unemployed 35 year old who makes less than 26k a year! 25 year old women make 40k a year!

see this is the type of stuff i shouldnt be writing about, its pointless, its Counter Productive hahahaha. its destructive and negative. writing like this got me into the mess im in now!

but yeah. in other words, i think i COULD be not super insecure about “muh gf” having tons of male friends, having 10+ previous secs partners, AS LONG AS she put in a good faith effort to SHOW me that I was the priority and not them. I never had that before.

oh, i put in a good faith effort, but we were hanging out and drinking, and one thing led to another, and i fell onto his dick, please forgive me hahahahaha.

heh. i probably would, because my expectations are so low: oh i cheated on you, no i dont want your forgiveness, in fact, im just gonna leave you for him right now. insult to injury. cheated and dumped. no remorse.

just because you dump your bf immediately after cheating on him doesnt mean your cheating wasnt cheating!

im not even talking to anyone in particular, im talking to a fictional hypothetical woman doing a hypothetical shitty thing!

shit spirals hahahaahaha.

ok well heres something good. i could easily look up that womans name in google, and see what comes up, or i could look at the front page of her facebook and instagram page, seeing a current photo of her in other words, possibly with new foccbois, possible black hahahaha. i could be looking for her on okcupid (well, i did look at her once long ago on OKC, but never since) or plenty of fish or whatever. but i havent done ANY of this. at the very least, google her name, or look at her FB profile picture. but no. i have not done any of that! give me a reward! hahahahaha.

in SOME states you can get medical MJ card for anxiety. maybe even depression. actually no.

https://www.leafly.com/news/health/qualifying-conditions-for-medical-marijuana-by-state

cant tell.

anyway. GIVE ME A CHANCE. give me a chance to show that i wont get too jealous or controlling about your male friends. show me that you like me MORE than all your male friends and wont give up on me after a few weeks! and maybe i wouldnt be so goddam suspicious about womens male friends! sheeeeeeeeeeit.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/kovie-biakolo/2014/09/this-is-what-is-really-wrong-with-casual-sex/

 

http://www.debate.org/opinions/is-casual-sex-wrong

heh

https://www.thetrumpet.com/article/7750.24.131.0/society/the-emotional-corrosion-of-casual-sex?preview

religious source though but still very valid article hehehehe

i just want a woman who takes sex SERIOUSLY and who does NOT like casual sex! is that so much to ask? women SHOULD take sex seriously, they can get fooking pregnant! but many of them have a CASUAL attitude towards ABORTION as well!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!!!!!

and then these DISGUSTING ANIMALS go on to have successful careers, and then they have longterm rels, get married, have children, all the things i want to do!!!!!!!!1

i shouldnt have to google “why is casual sex wrong” to find the PERFECT argument so i can CONVINCE a woman not to have casual sex!!!!!!

and then everything near the top is like cosmo and jezebel and thebustle and womens magazines talking about how fun casual sex is and how all women should experiment with a casual sex phase in their 20s. have fun! sow your wild oats!

YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW.

and when you sow degenerate wild oats…….uhhh you get degenerate wild oats years later. its NOT A GOOD THING.

maybe i would be different f i had a casual sex wild oats period and had fooked 10 women, but i havent, and so it is what it is! you dont have to LIKE it!

 

so jealous of this guy who has massive emo and abandonment issues and will never get a woman…………………………………….. BUT AT LEAST HE MAKES GREAT MONEY and he doesnt seem in danger of losing or quitting his job.

well…..actually he IS very anxious about his job, has big anxiety in general. probably GAD hahahaha.

oct 31

i just hate being put in positions where i have to CONVINCE and EXPLAIN things that are VERY confusing and that I dont understand, to frustrated people. yes, I SWEAR I cannot fix this, your manager has to fix this. so he said to call us? well he’s wrong, we can’t fix this, he has to fix this. he’s not doing his job. so you called us and we fixed it 3 months ago? hmm. do you have the case number hahahahaha. oh you dont then we cant help you. we have no record of that. no im not calling you a liar. im just saying we have no record of your call. no you cant speak to my manager. he’ll tell you the same thing. that your manager is wrong and that if your manager has any questions, he should speak to HIS manager. oh his manager said that WE have to fix this? well they’re BOTH wrong. have your managers manager speak to HIS manager. no they cant speak to my manager. NOBODY can speak to my manager! where are these policies written down? they’re NOT, because they change every day. we have no record of any policies. the policies are always changing and as of right now, the policy is that we dont fix it. no we dont have that in writing. it is what it is. you dont have to like it. you dont like it? find a new job. your customers dont like it? we dont want their money, they can find a new provider. oh thats a known issue. it will be fixed in a future software update. no timeline. hopefully soon, but cant make any promises or speculation. so your customers waiting? then ask your manager to approve a discount, or they can go somewhere else.

this kind of bullshit just both frustrates me and makes me panic. i mean what do you SAY in these difficult situations? similarly i dont want to do something where I regularly have to give really bad news. like no we are not covering this prescription for your cancer ridden mother, why, well because my manager said so, no you cant speak to them, they are unavailable. good luck watching your mother die! is there anything else i can HELP YOU WITH today?

that kind of bullshit. where i want to be straight with people but i dont have the info and i dont have the help. at those points i will gladly throw my superiors under the bus to show sympathy for the customer/caller.

also you cant say that you stayed and worked off the clock to be more efficient with your time, because no manager is going to Officially Approve of you working off the clock. because what if you hurt yourself at the workplace, but off the clock?

well then maybe they would have a legal case saying YOU SHOULDNT HAVE BEEN THERE, so they are not gonna pay for your treatment.

but yeah, you shouldnt admit to staying off the clock to finish your work. i guess this doesnt apply to exempt salary jobs, when you are technically on the clock all your life. we dont punch a clock here.

anyway youre just telling the manager that you dont work quickly and efficiently enough, that you need extra time (ie extra money) and that you arent as good as employees that get all their work done in the time allotted. youre SLOW.

i mean still stay after you punch out and do work for free so you can suck up and try to look good, but you just cant brag about it as a way to help you get the job.

i mean i already candy coat shit and try to sell myself as some confident miracle worker who is really good at explaining confusing shit to angry customers.

you can say that when you go home you study work related material in your free time so you can do your job more efficiently. that’s less sketchy than staying around after punchout to “do extra work for free”. so i do say that i do a lot of studying on my free time.

well how do i explain that i didnt want to go to GRAD SCHOOL. you just dont simply dont want to go to grad school. should i say i applied and was rejected? then you look like a loser failure. you got rejected from grad school, why shouldnt you get rejected from jobs?

and i didnt even get rejected from grad school, i simply didnt apply, because i didnt really want to go! and also i felt that i WOULD get rejected because i didnt have enough good references or undergrad research/honors/thesis/internship experience!

ok applied to 3 jobs. no chance. 1 fedgov job (32k), 2 state jobs (34k, 39k). i mean i wish i could just bring up a list of 32k jobs, shit 26k jobs, and just apply for those. but less than half of jobs tell you what the pay is, unless its a govt job like these.

ok 4th job. local auto dealer. accounting clerk. sheeeeeeeeit.

i get more angry and hateful when i am more productive hahaha. i just hate everyone and everything. all these normie morons who can get and keep jobs but i cant. what the fook do they WANT from me? so yeah even though its good to be productive to do job apps……is it really good if i am kinda half assing them, tyring to go as fast as possible, in 14 minutes per, plug and play the right “variables”, etc, go through the motions, feel some anger, these phaggots, these sluts, these normies, i just want to make 26k a year and smoke MJ every day hahahahaha, maybe fook some 25 year old sluts, and evangelize to them to luv their race and never mudshark again.

cluster c personality disorders. including avoidant personality disorder which i probably have. heh. i remember when i was 20 i was like OH GOD i hope i dont have a personality disorder, that would REALLY suck.

yeah well i prob only had garden variety anxiety back then………NOW i have a full blown personality disorder hahahaha. all because i was too cowardly to go see a shrink at age 20.

yeah well i started seeing a shrink at age 26, maybe 25………thats not too bad eh?????

its really not, hahahaha. good for me!!! hahahaha.

the idito bitches in reddit think that MUH EDUCATIONNNNNNN is the answer to everything. as if two short years and 200 measly dollars in tuition will suddenly skyroket you from 13 an hour to 15 an hour HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

some good covers on here! but would like to hear more “covers” of stuff from his latest two ambient albums, which i think he could have spent a LITTLE more time and effort on hahahahaha to make them SOUND BETTER.

 

heheh the flipside of what happened to me. he is confused and a little upset sure but he doesnt GHOST her. he is confused and doesnt know what to do, but he doesnt want to block her from his life without any explanation.

great response:

”   ]acox1701 7 points 4 hours ago
It would probably help if you have another conversation with her- after you sort through your feelings and what you want.
A million times this.
Not responding to her at once is not a dick move, unless OP literally said nothing. It’s bound to be upsetting, but one cannot reasonably be expected to react to such a thing on zero notice.
OP, figure out your shit, and sit her down. Negotiate things. Ask her if it’s hurting her to be around you, and then trust her answer. Tell her that if she changes her mind, to let you know.
Negotiate your friendship like an international arms treaty. That sounds odd, but a lot of relationships, romantic or otherwise are based on a vast number of underlying assumptions, and this relationship has just had all of those swept away. You and she need to reestablish them, together, so that you can continue.
Important topics to bring up:
Does she expect you to return her affection? Does she want you to?
Do you want to return her affection? Would you be willing to explore it, or are you unwilling to take the risks that would entail for your current social scene?
Do you need to spend a few months separate from each other? Could you quietly communicate before events so one or the other stays home from some or all things? Can you both be respectful of the other’s occasional need to stay home, or request the other stay home? Can you both be cool about it?
You are going to want to avoid teasing, touching, or flirting with her. Make sure she knows this, and is aware that you’re trying to not cause her any inner turmoil, or false hope, or similar. She may insist that she’s OK with it. (I’d rather be teased by my crush, with no hope of it going anywhere, than to be ignored, but I’m a sad, pathetic little man)
All things on the table. Talk it out, then you can both get on with your lives.   ”

heheheh. saving that in case i ever get feelings for a friend again, so i can print that out, give it to them, and say, lets talk about THESE THINGS.

i would give the guy REDDIT GOLD if reddit was worth supporting hahahaha.

ok finally applied to 5th job, that is enough for today hahaha.

it was tricky, since problems with router again hehehe. or wireless card. have to restart computer just to get the wireless connection back. i dont know if the problem is in the wireless card or in the router. cant be determined. cant be fixed. sorry. is there anything else i can help you with today?

i dont know what to tell you, and no you cant speak to a more experienced person. no, you cant speak to the person i am getting advice from. hes not even in my office. he is scheduled to be in a chat room for the next 4 hours. also he’s never wrong, his judgement is INFALLIBLE.

yeah i admit his job is not fun either. having to stay in this chat room and give advice to the squealing piggies, the level 1s. but its better than being the level 1’s on the phone with the customers who dont know what theyre doing!

i dont know what to tell you. other than i can do nothing, i cant transfer you to someone better, and hopefully this problem goes away on its own.

heh. i never thought that going on DISABILITY would ever be a realistic thing hahahahaha.

i dont want to be disabled! i just want to work like a normie and not SNAP!!!!!!

applied for 6th job, that was a little excruciating hehehe. but it only t0ok 23 minutes with an average of 14 hehehe.

i mean its hard not to be perfectionistic, when you have to be PERFECT to have any success!

or you cant mentally check out at your job becuase your quality will slip because your job takes perfect concentration and intense skill! so you cant not have measurably bad quality when you are having a bad day! because the worse your mood is, the worse your work is, and your supervisors immediately notice that you are not longer performing at the minimum!!!!

how do you GET AWAY with half assing your work, in other words?

 

oh this BEAUTIFUL young man! he is in college and everyone is having casual sex, but he is not interested, he thinks sex is something SPECIAL!!!!!!!!

OH YOURE ADORABLE.

the sad thing is that there ARE wimmin in uni that really DO want a rel, and DONT like casual secs. and i totally fooked it up and didnt TRY hard enough to find them !!!!!!!

applied for unheard of 7th job. at a fairly well known company. choice employer, like top tier shit that i have no chance of getting an interview. so why even apply. waste 13 minutes applying. well maybe 30 minutes and i could have tailored the shit REAL nice. but i didnt.

i mean underachieving losers dont get jobs at GOOD companies, they get jobs at BAD companies, if they get jobs at all.

might go to fatness club today for first time in months.

 

well this is kinda a big deal, the first release from deathspell omega in 4 years. kewl cover tho bro. hopefully its not all wankish spaghetti and jerking off hahahahahah. hasjarl decides he’s tired of making 200k a year with his donald trump real estate business, and probably having rels with solid 8/10’s, to make music like its 2005 again hahahahaha.  i have not listened to this yet, yeah i will give it a proper listen i guess. i mean why not. i like mikko aspa hahahahahaha. synarchy of molten bones, what does that even MEAN. i bet they just have a damn drum machine. there is no mystique hahahahaha. [citation needed hahahaha]

im just jelly that hasjarl can make good money at a normie job. i am jelly of any musician who does that. you get to be successful at work OR music, not BOTH. pick one AND ONLY ONE.

like these stupid musicians that get phds, or they have good jobs. i bet thats the reason dso never tours, is that he’s got a good job but its not so good that he can get weeks off at a time to play shows.

no i really have no idea. i do hope the album isnt a goddamn noisy overtechnical mess hahahahaha. how about some riffs and and melodies and not 600000000000000000 wanky bits slapped together. i thought that stuff was kewl when i was 25 hahahahaha but not anymore. so write riffs like you were 20 years old again, mannnnnn. and let mikko turn you into a nationalist. and let me make mikko into a HUHWHYTE nationalist hahahahaha.

no that really is a pretty good cover art tho.

but satan satan satan oooh orthodox esoteric satanism whoooooooo spoooooopy hahahahaha. who cares. he knows his shtick has gotten old hahahahahaha.

no i dont know why i am such an asshole to him hahahaha. prob just jelly. that he’s a normie nonvirgin nonnevergf AND he makes very influential music and he can get mikko to hang out with him. actually i BET mikko just stays in finland and records his vocals in his own “studio” and sends them to DSO aka “hasjarl.”

I DONT TRUST ANYONE WHOS NOT A NEVERGF. THESE NONNEVERGF NORMIES!!!!!!!!

I HATE NONVIRGINS AND NONNEVERGFS hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

and EVERYONE is either a nonnevergf or especially a nonvirgin!

well technically even I am a nonvirgin hahahaha. so i got that going for me hahaha.

6 jobs in 1 day, havent applied to a job in 10 days hahahaha. although i did have 3 interviews in that time, MOTHER FOOKER hahahaha.

sheeeeeeeeeit found rare ass FT job at big local employer. they have like 3 FT jobs a year, a ridic low number considering the number of employees and customers. used to work an easy job here for years. would LOVE to get another easy PT job just as kinda training wheels for me right now…….but i cant even get a PT job there yet. interviewed for  3 PT jobs there, turned down each time, have 4th pt job interview there this week. getting FT job there would be RIDICULOUS. to think i had a bigass chance at that TWO YEARS AGO. i remember talking about it with that woman. she said ohhh i really hope you get it. i really wanted to get it too!

took half dose of nyquil.

so, 8 jobs today. that is ridic damn good. not my highest ever but close. certainly a relative high, because i am lucky to get 4 done on one day. and havent done ONE in TEN days hehehehe. like a lazy NGR hahahahaha.

but yeah the job was open for like 2 weeks and it closes in 2 days and i was frustrated because this was the first i was seeing it because there is no way to get damn email alerts for these jobs. you either check the companies jobs sites or YOUR SCREWED. these jobs do NOT show up on indeed. ive set up indeed alerts for this company and get NOTHING.

well i bet they do that intentionally, to not get 9000000000000000000000000000000000000 applicants. not like you need the best of the best to do this 33k job. but i see that and i am like THIS IS PERFECT, get instant hardon. get a WAY bigger hardon for a 33k job than a 34k, 35k, or 40k job. closer to 26k, the better of a chance i have!

so yeah i applied for that the instant i saw it.

also cannot find the job on careerbuilder OR monster. ONLY the goddam company website itself.

heh. this is EXACTLY the type of job they would promise to some pt slob on the inside, but they HAVE To post it because rules. well….i shouldnt say pt slob, becuase the the pt slob deserves this job.

but i am a little butthurt that i worked there pt for FIVE YEARS and couldnt get an FT job there. just because i was an idiot who didnt PUSH hard enough.

and then when i PUSHED with that woman, i totally blew that.

i just dont know when to push and when not to push!

well shit. if i got another pt job there, i would PUSH alot harder! but getting a pt job there is not easy either!

weird thing is, i would get emails about jobs when i was a pt there………..but i dont remember many ft jobs that werent on the website. which was like 2 a year hahahaha.

so i shoulda PUSHED the HR department, and been like, put me on The List. Get me in The Pool. talk to my manager if you need approval.

they dont want to have alerts for their jobs, because that means more resumes to read!!!!!!!

and you are gonna find a good enough candidate whether you read 100 resumes or 1000. so that the Marginal value of reading one more resume drastically drops off after like # 100. what is that number? might even be #70 hahaha.

i tell you its NOT 1000!!!!!!!!

closer to 100 than it is to 1000!!!!!!

i mean this org does not have a ton of employees from muh university…..because the assholes from muh university go to much more presitigous places and wouldnt be caught dead working here!!!!

FAT SLOBS, PIGS, DOGS, DISGUSTING ANIMALS

oct 27

note: BMR means what calories you would burn if you LAID IN BED ALL DAY DOING NOTHING. but since even fat slobs, dogs, pigs, disgusting animals, lazy negros, and lazy NEETS all get out of bed and lumber around at least a little bit, you will then burn like 100 calories just walking back and forth to the toilet and foodbag. and therefore lose weight IF you consume no more than 1500 calories at a BMR of 1500 calories, which for my danny devito esque frame, is appropriate.

i found a woman i am 95% sure is andrew anglin’s sister. she is referred to as “Ms” as late as 2016 and is 30 years old. I wonder if I should try marrying her hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. i mean this stuff is all out there, i will just say she appears to be a christian counselor much like his/their father is. hopefully she has a better reputation than the father, who has a ton of sleazy sex scandal rumors. but i fully respect andrew anglin and i would be very willing to give his sister the benefit of the doubt. i wonder what his rel is like with his family. i mean i think his father manages his USPS mailbox. which in itself is kinda amazing. he could be like you take that address down right now or im disowning you. even better, i will TAKE the THOUSANDS of dollars people send you. he obviously hasnt done that.

i dont care if andre has a Rich Daddy, he and im sure his sister turned out all right, and andrew is doing GODS WORK. whatever degeneracy is in his past is more than made up for by this.

yeah 99.9999% sure its a sister. maybe a cousin. definitely an anglin. hahaha. she is doing an MSW program and wants to help children. COME ON. WHAT A NICE WOMAN.

oct 28

adam and mary gray, good morning white america podcast, very promising White Pill Comfy Podcast between a happily married, pro-white husband and wife who have at least one kid and prob more.

to us black pill cynical hateful neet virgins, it sounds a little “syrupy” or the most cynical might even think it sounds “fake”…..but i dont think its really “fake”, thats just us haters desperately wanting to believe that True Lasting Mutual Luv is a Jooish Lie. There are tons of Jooish Lies, sure, but White Luv is NOT one of them! But adam and mary’s Strong Rel will make lonely foreveralones angry and sad that they/we can never have something like that hahahaha.

or you can choose to look at it positively, like yes there are good women out there.  i would recommend that.

went did social thing last night as ive been talking about, it was good fun, glad i did it. i just tried to be nice and not too weird and just smile and be nice and laugh and say thank you. i wanted to buy people drinks but i did not take enough initiative as needed unfort. Fort no one seemed offended by me not buying drinks.

basically went to a stage production which i would show no initiative to do myself, would basically take a woman for me to do something “FUN” like this. well the one guys GF was instrumental here. they are in a longterm rel and did the event last year. i used to be very suspicious of her but now I have warmed up to her. I mean she’s got her issues which will always need to be managed, but I dont think shes a rotten degenerate bitch at heart hahahahahaha. not at all! in fact she might be similar to me in Crippling Social Anxiety, but that sort of stuff does not damage women as much as men hahahaha.

basically there was a stage show with comedy and banter and songs and silliness. Gay AF. from a distance, i would say, oh jeez, this is some degen swpl jooish bullshit, totally pozzed degeneracy. but on the whole the vibe I took out of it was just Pure Fun and Silliness with not nearly as much Degen Pozzed Jooish Antiwhite Poison as I feared. even though the author of the musical is a Joo. there was nothing blatantly jooish, well…apart from a few homosexual bromance sort of jokes, and beautiful young women prancing around in not enough clothing, leaving their beautiful 22 year old bodies open for the hungry, thirsty gaze of the entire audience, as the beautiful 22 year old BFA grad enjoyed every second of attention on her perfect white body. and i was a very willing participant as well. i liked her pale white skin and long legs. also since I dont watch jooish porn, or go to jooish titty bars, or go to jooish beaches during the summer, or have jooish casual tinder secs, I really don’t see that much Female Skin ever.  really its on par with a young QT gurl wearing a “bikini” at the beach…………and that is MORE than enough for me!!!!!!!!!!!

but i wouldnt call it SUPER degenerate, and it didnt lessen my enjoyment of the show. I just would have preferred that she wore a little more clothing during those scenes. and thinking of this beautiful young 22 year old woman’s personal life, pursuing a Career as an Actress, taking lots of Dix, being a Liberated Woman, etc, that is sad and degen more than any of the material in the actual show. again the show was very well presented so I was able to enjoy the entertainment and Social Bonding value in the moment.

there was also a Niceguy Beta Male character which I liked, and they really played up that angle. Big Bald Spot, pasty belly, desperately orbiting the girl, getting no respect from anyone, total aw shucks go eat worms type niceguy, who has a moment of despair, followed by a bit of redemption where he gains some confidence.

i thought, how is all this NOT MORE degenerate? jooish author, homoeroticism, musicals are inherently gay………

BUT I think musicals are also inherently fun in a way that other Narrative Forms are not. I mean the whole goal is to have fun, and there’s not really anything too political or poisonous. like you would see in a movie or tv show.

also the fact you can see the actual real people up there makes a difference.

i mean i’ve always been SOMEWHAT fascinated in the idea of musicals as a pretty legit form of entertainment. like pure entertainment in the strictest sense of the word. in a way that is more innocent and nondegen than other stuff.

which is not to say theres not some degen musicals out there. like rent and avenue q and all that shit.

ok what about rocky horror picture show. theres a good example. there is degen, jooish af shit in there like dildos and trannies…….but still the overall tone is suprisingly good clean fun. its very UNTRIGGERING and COMFY, totally unlike going to a Tranny Kink Parade or something.

SOOOOO we basically need a 1488 Musical that blatantly promotes White Culture and Values in this fun, comfy, white pill, unrustling, untriggering way, that leaves the audience feeling good af about whites and being white, and white families and white children and the 14 words.

i mean its FEELGOOD is a good word for musicals, its very feelgood in a special unique way, which i think is a big value add hahahaha.

maybe think of the sound of music, if the ebil nazis were not the bad guys ahahahahaha. but the good guys.

so yeah i mean a 1488 musical makes PERFECT sense to me. talk about love and honor and family and you could have some more dramatic musicals but id like to start out with some more lighthearted feelgood and maybe even slightly silly funny musicals.

really i should indulge my latent interest in musicals more and just watch classic shit like i dunno sound of music and west side story and the pirates of penzance and whatever.

also i regret not participating in that shit in high school and kollige. it can give confidence to unmanly weirdos and then they can pull Drama Musical Sluts like the beautiful girl in this one hahahaha. i mean these people fook each other like casual degen negros…..but i would have totally done that during ages 16 to 22 if it were freely available to me. anyway i think i could have had some fun, built confidence, and got some experience with women doing that stuff.

particularly during college.

i actually DID do some stage stuff in high school, but it was very half assedly. i basically did background singing and dancing which really did not help me too much with the wimmin, even though i was partnered with wimmin. they all had boifrans and i had no game hahahaha. in hindsight i should have tried for bigger roles. pushed out of the comfrot zone.

and ESPECIALLY done something like that in college, who cares about high school. but i didnt do ANYTHIGN like that in college unfort.

yeah i mean the women this shit attracts are drama queens and sluts…..but it becomes a lot easier to deal with the drama queens when you have banged a lot of them hahahahahaha. or at least i think that it would.

i guarantee you that banging that 22 year old gurl would boost ANY mans confidence.  i mean that perfect female bod should awaken and stir something in any red blooded man.

now when i say perfect, i dont mean unattainable whatever bullshit jooish media perfection of “airbrushed” women and women with “eating disorders.” I simply mean women of a HEALTHY BMI who are blessed with a pretty good shape: long legs, good skin, nice hair, not an endomorph potato shaped body. thats all. the end.

admittedly, less than half of women are genetically gifted with long legs and a non potato body!

yeah in fact the 22 year old girl last night could have safely gained 10 pounds and still be beautiful 8.8/10!

i briefly thought of That Woman and how I would have loved to see her body that same way this totally random strange gurl was showing her body to a crowd of people. That Woman I think would have been a bit “thicker” in parts, and that was PERFECTLY fine by me. again, it all boils down to Long Legs and general body shape. that is totally my type. unfort thats EXTRA hard for a short-legged, potato manlet like me to pull.

POTATO MEN NEED TO SETTLE FOR POTATO WOMEN

hahahahahahahahahaha.

and im not talking about irish hahaha.

sheeeeeeeeeit. rejected for ANOTHER mail clerk job. isnt the first but hopefully its the last. it STINGS to be rejected for MAIL CLERK! like I said recently, its those jobs that seem more in REACH of your goal of being AVERAGE, of making 13 bucks an hour, when THEY reject you, its like damn, maybe it’s too high to be AIMING FOR AVERAGE. that’s too much to ask for.

not asking for 36k a year! Im asking for 26k a year and getting REJECTED for it!

never mind that a 35 year old man should be making WAY more than 36k if he wants to have an Average Life with Wife, Family, and Home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so yeah. i dont think i need to spend an hour arguing how and why a musical would be a great genre to use for Wh1te P0wer and 14 Words. it could well be dramatic, but my personal priority is to do something more silly and funny, just cuz thats how i prefer my musicals. i mean i cant take anything SERIOUSLY when they are SINGING SONGS in their “regular life.”

exception is “dancer in the dark” which…..”subverts” the genre and its comfy innocent feelgood way, in a perverse despairing way only lars von trier could be capable of. but i find that movie genuinely moving and one of my LVT favorites.

but yeah the movie takes this inherent feelgood aspect of The Musical and turns it 180, giving you one of the saddest, heartbreaking, feelsad movies of all time. which of course held a lot of appeal for me.

Wrangler® Men’s Advanced Comfort Relaxed Fit Jeans – Dark Indigo

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so what are some good musicals i could recommend for the white family. like i say, even something totally degen like rocky horror can be enjoyed by Radical Traditionalist White Nationalists, but I of COURSE understand that we need something that is less degen.

ok didnt they make monty python holy grail into a musical, spamalot or some shit. try that.

well in fact, the movie itself is technically a musical!!! and silly as shit!!! and not terribly degen!!!! so yeah go back and watch holy grail while cuddling with your waifu. meaning of life is great too.

dont know why i am all interested in andrew anglins sister. better than being interested in THAT WOMAN i guess. i mean the anglin woman is no spring chicken, she is like THIRTY years old. hey stillyounger than me, still somewhat fertile. well plus everyone in AA’s family is a Counselor/Therapist, which I think is interesting. but they are all christian therapists, which is extra interesting. i could understand if AA wanted to rebel from CHRIST during his youth……..but I could equally understand if he wants to Come Back as an older man. also the damn rumors about his father doing degen and unchristian things with the ladies. does that mean his sister would do degen things with men????? i hope not!!!!!!! And its nice to see what appears to be a sweet kind woman talking about loving children and helping children and all children are a gift from God and all that. its like DAMN WHY dont you have some children of your OWN????!!?!?!???!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

well i’m sure she WILL. someone who luvs children that much will PROBABLY find a way to have at least ONE child. but obviously i think a nice white woman like her should have at least 3, and its ridic to spend your career helping children, when you could be HAVING your OWN children.

its nice seeing a woman who likes children. i mean why SHOULDNT a woman like children. MOST women do, i think. It’s just REALLY disturbing and disgusting when a woman goes out of her way to signal that she DOESNT like children, or Never Wants Children. An Antinatalist Woman. you see them on reddit relships hahahahaha. yeah that is really triggering to me. antichildren women are just unnatural as fook to me.

and yeah i wonder about the personal and family lives of the men I admire, and I admire AA for what he has done, and wonder how he became the man he is today.

plus he has a reputation for being harsh on women, but i am the same way. i have the same Huge Doubts in women that AA has. The same ISSUES hahahaha. I dont want his issues to keep him from getting a good woman. i wonder how his family has led to his issues. his sister seems like an example of a great woman, but his father is a rumored Womanizer who is very good at Manipulating women. How does his mother feel about all this? how does his sister feel about it? are his mother and father still together? how true are these rumors?

i mean i dont think he’s ever had any CHARGES brought against him, its just a lot of clients complaining about him on the internet.

and being a therapist allows you to have a lot of emotional intelligence, be good at establishing a very intimate repoire with people, talking about their deepest issues, so its easy to see how a charming man could exploit that. and equally easy to see how a good decent god-fearing person could use that to really help someone too.

so why didnt andrew follow in the family footsteps then?

and I really dont think andrew would be comfortable talking about all this in a public interview. and he doesnt have to be. this is really private stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also HOW religious are they? they are some kind of protestant, and those people run the gamut. i am only familiar with catholics. i understand catholics a lot better. feel a sort of kinship with them, like a lesser tier of race.  i guess i should really aim towards marrying a CATHOLIC gurl then eh? its not a priority the way marrying a WHITE gurl is an absolute set in stone must.

so what i really wanna know is, did she bang a lot of guys in liberal arts college, and did she bang brown bobby hill looking hondurans when she worked with The Poor in honduras for 3 years (i think kind of a religious GOD angle there).

i cant see a white gurl banging ugly short indio men, the same way i can see white gurls banging Secsy Black Bucks.

and if they do, i can just laugh them off. the women that is. i just dont see squat brown men as a legit, real, viable threat to our women the same way i see Black Men. Because I’ve seen actual good looking white women poached by black men. i take it very seriously. sheeeeeeeeit That Woman liked a Black man over ME. I was outcompeted for someone I considered Extremely Important, by a sleazy Black man. OF course this hurts your confidence, self esteem, and makes you god damn suspicious of white women and black men.

although it didnt make me racist. i was racist WELL before that!!!!!!!!! hahahaha

 

well hes 26, still a very young man, you know how 26 year olds are, you cant be expected to be mature at that age hahahahaha.

so i am 10 times worse because I am 35 (hehehe) and have a high school degree and a college degree hehehehe. i feel guilty though and try to do things for muh fam, give back to them, and also i am doing a lot more job searching effort than this guy hahaha. i have done 27 interviews and applied for 486 jobs hahahahahaha. plus i go to my shrink regularly (once a month) and take muh meds every day. and i dont play vidya, i’ve lost 33 pounds in 2016, i buy as much of my own shit as possible and stuff for the fam.

but yeah these are the kind of guys i want to HELP. and they pile shame on the guy. all these fookin successful normies that can get an keep a job becuase of their good attitudes. hey i try to fake a good attitude during all of muh 27 interviews, i try not to seem entitled and negative. i try to seem like the perfect positive employee. onyl thing is a get nervous and and trip over words when trying to tell Stories of Times When. and i am not Electrifyingly Charismatic. but Uncharismatic people all have jobs!!!!!! how do THEY do it? they worked at it and became charismatic enough to do well in interviews.

well, getting the job is one thing, keeping the job without PanicQuitting is another!!!!!!

(reddit where OP doesnt know how to respond to an uneducated persons TRANSPHOBIC slurs, ie referring to transition lenses as “trannies” ) ”  I love this reply. An alternative response to bigotry/racism/misogyny is to say, “You must be so embarrassed you said that.” And then move the conversation on.
Another solution to inappropriate jokes or remarks is to feign confusion. It makes them have to explain it which both entirely drains the joke of any humor and exposes their racism outright if they attempt to do so. All you do is keep calmly asking “Why?” and watch them become more and more flustered.    ”

REALLY? you fooking morons with your “post graduate” degrees and “exciting, fulfilling careers”.

NO Im NOT embarrassed I said those disparaging things about blacks, women, j00s. and yes I will mansplain it to you: because TOO MANY of THEM willingly act like disgusting savages and refuse to take any responsibility for their abhorrent, degenerate, disgusting, nihilistic, immature, destructive, toxic, negative, abusive, shameful behavior.

fooking reddit. this triggers me just as much as BIGOTRY triggers them hahahaha.

great now i stalked this beautiful young actress for like 20 minutes. turns out she went to christian high school and continues to Luv God probably into the current year. i wonder how it makes jesus feel when she shows her perfect 22 year old body to leering, lonely 35 year old men. but yeah maybe her Faith has kept her from being a slut, meaning she’s been with less than 10 guys before age 22!

hehehe. why am i so JUDGEMENTAL of women, just brutally judging and calculating every aspect of them? because im TRYING TO FIND A WORTHY VESSEL OF MY SEED, TO BE THE MOTHER OF MY CHILDREN. I wouldnt want to be throwing PEARLS BEFORE SWINE.

so shes been wiht only 10 guys. i mean she’s good mother of my children material just for being so damn beautiful, and for loving God. i mean its USUALLY a good sign when a young grill openly declares her luv for GOD.

ok gonna give boortzum ways of yore another cahnce.

wish he had just used real instruments instead of his wifes apple computer hahahahaha.

just wish he got rid of that electric harsh noise and just used real piano, real strings, real horns, real winds, real orchestra, real lutes and xylophones and whatever.

but i like the idea of calm chill music specifically written to Celebrate The European Soul, which this explicitly is. “BURZUM: USING MUSIC TO PROMOTE EUROPEAN CULTURE”. fook yeah! sign me up for that! buncha phaggots saying yeah ummmm ok wacko, go jerk off to some vikings. but i am 1488% with varg on PROMOTING EUROPEAN CULTURE.

and yeah the papyrus font is RIDICULOUS but he’s been attached to that for years.

and he seems to be making more videos, like almost one a day, and being more creative with them, like making mini documentaries, which is great. getting better at presenting his important thoughts and also creating very entertaining videos, responding to the fans, etc.

all the people, oh he made great music before prison, but hes crazy and deplorable.

NOPE. I agree with Varg 99% on his social, political, ideological, anti-jooish, pro-white views. i dont agree with his christians suck, k1ke on a stick views, but thats almost not even a big deal.

anyway yeah i would totally date that actress girl EVEN IF she had been with “only” 10 guys.

hahahaha she is taller than me and weighs almost exactly the same as me HAHAHAHAHAHA (when you are an actress getting a BFA in Performing Arts, you put your height and weight on your resume)

tried listening to ways of yore. tough listen. some of the samples cut off too sharply. the songwriting is probably pretty good, but the sounds/production leaves a lot to be desired. cant help but feel he could have improved that if he had just worked a little harder. its not like a white man to be a lazy negro half assing things, hahahahahahahaha.

i mean damn. he got a better sound on hlidskjalf, in prison.

he could probably Reach Out to his fans and put together an Orchestra of people that know how to play orchestra instruments, and then conduct them to play his music the way he wanted.

ok like on “belus” and “valen” he didnt play entire songs when he was recording. he played bits and pieces and then copied and pasted those pieces. but it doesnt SOUND copied and pasted at all, it sounds like him playing actual instruments. which he IS technically doing. so just do something like that for his “ambient” stuff. you can still use a keyboard. just include more real instruments, and dont use those awful fake drums.

or get better sounding fake drums. i mean electronic music producers do pretty well for all synthesized stuff.

its just weird. i dont like being DISAPPOINTED by varg. i never USED to be as disappointed by his music, and I have been nothing but ENCOURAGED with how he’s lived his life after prison. and really thats more important than his music. his 6 white children. but i remember when he used to make great music too.  well he makes good videos now so, really im not THAT butthurt.

i just want new music made by my old favorite guys. cuz i cant enjoy new music and new bandz any moar.

sheeeeit. if that 22 year old actress were interested in me, i’d let her hang out with all her male friends all she wanted. AS LONG AS she kept coming back to me. that was always the problem, NOT the male friends PER SE: is that regardless if the gurl had 5 male friends or 50, she would always get bored of me in like 1 month and just not want to hang out with me any more. that is a blow to the ego and the confidence. just losing interest.

you can have male friends, just dont get bored of ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh well its MY fault because im BORING, and cant COMPETE with these guys.

NO, im not THAT boring, bitch!!!!!!!!

and even if i were, whats so BAD about boring?

boring isn’t bad, and also i’m not THAT boring, just a LITTLE bit!!!!!! fook!!!!! tell me YOURE not a little bit boring!!!!!

oh but women dont need to not be boring because uterus privelege, women are the supply, men are the demand, and being nonboring is the PRICE MEN have to pay. women have already paid their price just by existing. just by having a uterus. just by being the babymakers. THATS FAIR.  THATS WHY men cant be boring. thats why I HAVE to be not boring. i dont have to LIKE it. thats just the way it IS.

IT IS WHAT IT IS. YOU DONT HAVE TO LIKE IT.

and also, we concluded it WAS fair. that should make it easier to accept, right?

yeah…..but im not THAT boring!!!!!!!

i have been interesting enough to keep male friends for 10, 15, 20 years!

i have been interesting to keep female friends for almost 3 years!

i have had friends, including female friends, so im not as bad as some neet incel virgin rodger! supreme magnificent gentleman!

i got invited to a fun social event last night!

its just kinda hard because I dont go to BARS on the WEEKEND and STAY OUT LATE. stay till 2 am at the BAR on a saturday night, then stay up till 4 am partying somewhere else.

i need a FOCUS other than just drinking at the bar. yeah well they do do karaoke too, which is pretty important. why dont i just go to the bar, not drink, and do karaoke? that would make people like me more hahahahahaha. raise my social capital.

i mean i dont even need to IMPRESS these people!!!!

but I DO need to impress NEW people, because if i want to meet a wife, shes gonna have to be a NEW person. since I dont KNOW any Available Women.

i know a total of two women, both unavailable, and uhhh i dont see myself being super interested in them if they were to become available.

of course, i said the same about that woman.

of course, i was better friends with that woman than i am with these other women.

women women women women women women women women women women women women women women.

last couple times i took a valium, it didnt DO anything. i mean it could be old and stale I guess. some of those are 2 years old. can pharms just go bad like that?

when you make MJ butter, you dont just throw the butter in a pan. you mix water and butter so the butter doesnt scorch. then you simmer the water butter MJ mixture for a few hours, strain out the MJ, let the water butter cool, and then the butter will separate from the water, and you just pour out the water. and eat the butter. or put it in your coffee hehehehehehe.