SOME KIDS JUST DONT WANT TO LEARN

jan 23

sheeeeeit. got saor tshirt in mail today complete with handwriting by andy marshall on the mailing label hahahaha. i hope he wouldnt CUCK like winterfylleth did hahahahaha he probably would tho hahahahahahahahaha.

better hope i don’t send antifa to your home because you have pride in your country and your “HERITAGE”, ya NATIONALIST HAHAHAHA. no dont you worry lad, but there are some crazy people out there. good thing i am not crazy in that way.

of course im just being an asshole hehehe. isnt it good enough that the winterfylleth naughton guy takes a vocal stand against cultural marxist, and is anti-refugee, and declares his admiration for pat buchanan? pat buchanan is about as awesome as a normie can get. he would be a great president hahahaha. i cannot POSSIBLY talk shit about pat buchanan. he is one of the greats.

still not as outgoing and extraverted  on the job as i would like to be but oh well i am trying. im just not used to a positive working environment hehe. met another educator today who was another one of those true believers, and i mean this in the good way, as in a totally respectable person who is passionate and dedicated to the success of their students. now this person has taught in schools that would Redpill a normal person on race, but this person fought hard so that even poor black and brown students who come from families of murderers and felons and drug addicts, living out of cars, homeless, eventually become college grads and get good careers.

the type of person you wish all teachers were like.

so what is it? bad administrators? bad teachers? not enough good teachers like this?

she also talked about her own children who were doing very very very very very well in life. better at age 18 than i will ever do hehehe. in advanced math and science in high school, going to good universities, doing good stem degrees, good internships, getting 20 job offers before even graduating univ, hang out with good people who dont do drugs, are generally well adjusted hard workers without emotional problems or laziness, and will go on to make a lot of money and get a lot of respect. and the way she was describing it she wasnt BRAGGING….but its impossible to not be VERY proud of your kids when they are this successful.

but they also pay a lot of money to do this very highly regarded, very selective high school program. where all the kids become hugely successful.

and muh manager who i also have a lot of respect for, he has children which he has entrusted to the public school system, which i thought was kind of mediocre. but as it turns out, there is an elite track in this school district, with a STEM high school, where all the kids at that school become successful. of course he is trying to get his kids in there. i looked at the schools website and 95% of the kids seem hwyte hehehehe. NICE. i figured they would be 50% brown because there are tons of indians and arabs in the area who i assume would be VERY interested in having their kids grow up to become successful, rich doctors and engineers. remove wirus on your computer hehehehe.

something like 600 applicants, about 90 kids get in.

SO YOURE SAYING ITS EASIER that getting a 25k a year job with benefits hehehehe.

i can’t blame them for talking about their successful, promising kids. but i feel envious because i can’t compare with that. i used to be promising too, but peaked at age 17-18, then crashed as soon as i went to uni.

the difference is that i did not go to a hardcore STEM high school. i went to a well-regarded private high school, but i did not consider myself ENGAGED at all as teachers would put it. I resented all the homework, i thought school was STUPID, i just wanted to do what i needed to do, so i could play vidya or internet or stupid music or, very regrettably, Party with MJ and alcohol. at the time, i resented the school, thought it was lame. maybe i would have felt the same way at a special STEM high school.

or i would try to romance the qt geeky STEM gurls and get rejected and go crazy like i did anyway hahahaha.

but yeah at the time i didnt even know our school district HAD a school like that. looking at the generally mediocre school district, i wouldnt have thought it. i didnt even know the district HAD this school until a few years ago. shit probably the school didnt even EXIST when i was in high school 6000000000 years ago.

well, wikipedia says yes it did exist. damn. looks like i missed out!

i didnt like STEM though. I never really did. I guess I sorta liked shit like english and history, but i didn’t like the AP versions of those, too much work I thought. All the AP classes. I really didn’t like The Whole AP system. Although doing AP classes def helped me get into a good uni. not that THAT did me any good!

and then i hear stories of poor blacks living in cars, dont have clothes and shoes, taking care of their sister who is a heroin addict, father is in prison, mother is on disability and addicted to pain pills, and then they go to local college, do well, and get a good job.

meanwhile i was set up and nurtured for success, but became a huge failure. which makes me think this stuff is either born in you or its not. and i was just a bad seed.

and these talented tenth black kids, well theyre outliers, and that was born into them too. because if they went according to nurture, theyd be deadbeats and failures like their families. and all it took was one great teacher to jumpstart them to success.

i had a good family! i had decent teachers! i did very in high school despite not liking it and got into a good college. that was my peak. i didnt like college either, and did mediocre, and since then, have been less than mediocre my whole adult life.

would going to a stem high school have saved me?

i think it COULD have…..but thats still far from a sure thing. 50/50 it would have saved me.

what didnt i like about high school? that it gave too much homework and that I didnt know any gurls.

but that gurl part is ON ME! it was up to me to meet those gurls and practice The Art Of Seduction!

i had an added challenge because there weren’t any gurls at the school, but that didnt stop the majority of lads who went there from growing up well adjusted and successful! besides, its proven that Separated the Sexes leads to Better Education, because gurls are too distracting for young lads!

but i was ALL BUTTHURT about it.

also i didnt start showing any serious warning signs till i was in college. well i did have some yellow lights in high school. like i was already drinking and using MJ in high school. but it only became a bigger problem in college.

i had a weird friends group. they occasionally used alcohol or MJ, but they were good people. they weren’t huge douchebags or bullies. i dont necess think i was hanging out with the wrong crowd. maybe it wasnt the BEST crowd, because i wasn’t hanging out with the huge winner DORKS and NERDS who didnt do alcohol or MJ, who later all became successful engineers or accountants or lawyers or businessmen hehehe.

i cant say i was hanging out with the wrong crowd, because i cant crap on these people. they are good people. unfort they have a 50/50 track record for being successful in life. i had like 2 good friends, one became a sad pathetic loser, despite still being a good person, and the other became a decent, well-rounded winner normie, albeit not thru college.

so WHY do i always want to smoke MJ? whats the ROOT of my DESIRE? Its not that i want to do it MODERATELY, i want to do it ALL THE TIME. if i had some, i would be doing it EVERY DAY, not on weekends only like moderate people.

so the big question is, why do i want to get INTOXICATED on MJ EVERY DAY????????

that is the question.

and if im honest, that IS what I want! I KNOW moderation is the better, smarter, wiser choice, and what I SHOULD choose….but i dont want it! I want excess! but WHY?

because i want some sense of escape and relief from being a huge loser in life who had a LOT of potential at 17, but threw it all away to become a huge loser for the next 15+ years hahahahaha.

but i hear these people talking about their 10 year old, 13 year old, 15, 16, 18, 20, 21 year old children, and I can’t help but think, what if I had been one of these children? and then feel envious.

part of the problem was i did think i HAD a problem with MJ or alcohol, and i was very good at HIDING it from muh fam, and I ABSOLUTELY was not going to go to them for help, even though they were MORE than willing. it would take until I was like 25, 26 years old before I even STARTED Seeking Help.

I mean I’m glad I did, but I essentially LOST the years 18-26 and I am very very butthurt about that! those are some really bad years to lose!

the following years have been better….but they havent been a LOT better. all my progress has been VERY slow, with some bigass setbacks in there too (see 2015 and 2016 hehehe.) and in a way the past 3 years have been especially bad. they are getting better now and i’m thankful for that, i guess its still gonna take a few months for that really to sink in.

this one kid goes to YEAR ROUND elementary school. how good of a thing is this? at the time i would have HATED it. i wonder if it would have been good for me though. kept me out of trouble.

but even though my friends did some of the stuff the “bad kids” did, they really werent bad kids tho. the main problem was my horrible, shitty attitude, and believe me, i had that ever since elementary school!!!!!!

shit yeah education is interesting and important. maybe i would have been a good teacher hahahahahaha. too bad i cant teach or explain shit. or help people become winners when i am a huge loser hahahaha.

education is important but i always hated SCHOOL. its ALWAYS been like PULLING TEETH. elementary, high school, AND college. all of it. and grad skool seems the same way.

they have year round elementary but not year round middle or high schools. why not? i would think middle and high school is where it woul be even MORE important, cuz thats when kids really start to get off the tracks.

https://www.care.com/c/stories/3283/the-pros-and-cons-of-year-round-school/

HMM they STILL have the same amount of school days, like 180. sheeeeeeeeit. I thought they would get way more, and essentially be like 2 grades ahead, which would be AWESOME.

some kids JUST DONT WANT TO LEARN hehehehe. i was one of those kids hahahaha.

but thats kinda WRONG. I did want to learn, but i didnt want stupid hours of homework, and i wanted to learn more about…..shit i dont even know. something different than what i WAS learning. maybe learn about how to seduce women, how to be charismatic, how to negotiate, how to have great people skills, the art of the deal, learning obviously useful workplace skills. that i would have liked. maybe a class on movies. shit i liked movies back then. degenerate shit but maybe i could have learned about less degenerate movies.

like pulp fiction was the big edgy movie back then. i was like oh this has got to be the best movie of all time. i was butthurt because i wasnt allowed to see it.

it actually was a pretty good movie, but ALSO very degenerate, and tarantino needs to go in the oven NOW. that was his best movie and it just wasnt worth his whole shitty career.  plus i was too young to ward off the degeneracy in that movie anyway.

shit when i was young, i LOVED DEGENERACY. literally. blood, gore, violence, pornography, vulgarity, marilyn manson, 3edgy5me, i was such a stereotypical teen! anything that was BAD or EVIL , i LIKED!!!!!

I LIKED DEGENERACY inherently! i sought out the degenerate! I loved it! i honestly dont know HOW i became so degenerate by age 16! i had a good family!!!!!!!

again, thoughts of being a BAD SEED.

i was rebelling against muh good family and muh christian upbringing……but did i have to rebel SO GODDAM MUCH?!?!?!?!?! I wish I hadnt! why couldnt I just have rebelled a LITTLE?!?!?!?!?!

there was no reason for me to rebel THAT MUCH!!!!! breaking my poor familys HEART!!!!! i mean i very well could have been POSSESSED.

well i am paying it back now. shit i’ve been a loser longer than i’ve been a winner. well, part of the time i was a winner, i was a degenerate. i guess its only fair that i should suffer being a loser, while i’m also fighting against degeneracy.

but it would be soooo nice to be a nondegenerate winner!

well i am a bigger winner than i have been in 1.5 years at least hehehe. in a way i am a bigger winner than when i was working my previous job, cuz there i was going crazy. soul killing job and a soul killing situation with woman. now i have really a soul-growing job, and no shitty situation with any woman.

and then i criticize myself for not taking advantage ENOUGH of my grateful, soul-feeding job. im not being charismatic enough with the WONDERFUL people.

well i just get there early, leave a little late, and just try to be friendly and pleasant. thats honestly the best i can do.

and it bears repeating for the 60000000000000th time, that if you study Education in Uni or esp Graduate Skool…..its pozzed and marxist as FOOK. it is pure jooish communism. like SOCIOLOGY. which is a big thing that turns me off of studying education.

if you get a room full of education experts, you will not find any 1433 types hehehe. you probably wont even find any damn CENTRISTS.

jan 24

fooking academics who spell their name with no capital letters, like bell hooks. they are always a phd with strong interests in feminism. even moreso than the average phd!!!!

just found a teacher who is my age, and had a useless degree from a good shool, but immediately got a masters degree in the same useless field within 2 years of the undergrad, and then 8 years after that, completed the phd hehehehe. i could have been a phd for several years by now. that feel when you are that age hahahaha.

well i mean theoretically you could complete a phd by age 25. more like 27 though.

anyway i havent actually met her yet, maybe never will. i just looked her up because she looked young and attractive in her profile pic. welp she’s not THAT young, she’s MY age but she still looks very attractive. in a tiny pic no less. a Hawt Gurl doing a humanities PHD. kind of surprising. looks like she should be in a Sorostitutority instead, hehehehe.

took benedryl at 3pm, try to go to bed at 730 pm. it is 7pm and i am already sleepy.

doing ok on muh dieting hehehe but damn i can get to the 1500 cals SO EASILY hehehehe. doing way worse that i was this time last year. well i lost 35 pounds since then tho. so good for me haha.

jan 25

beavis and butthead. weve forgotten about them but in the 90s they were YUGE. and degenerate that I was, I thought they were awesome. i wasnt mature enough to understand the joke, the parody mike judge was doing.

also, i argue that MJ basically turns you INTO beavis and butthead. so dont do MJ, because these are the biggest idiot degenerates and its a shame that they are hwyte. damn. and its SAD there is hwyte trash who is actually like this. its sad that i thought it was COOL. its literally the least cool thing ever. its degenerate and disgusting.

of course ive known about jim goad for many years but never really read him or listened to him, but he is a pretty good speaker. i know he did some degenerate shit though. i wouldnt kick him out of muh group though. unless he was married to a nonwhite hahaha. i think he is bisexual hahaha. i wouldnt want to be married to him but he does a good conversation hahaha.

oh shit hes friends with gavin mcinnes, cant like him anymore hahahaha.

i guess cantwell is getting more racial hehehehe. he is not scared to talk about bl4x and jooz, bad news hehehehe. i just came for the weev hehehehe.  they are both talkative and play well off each other but if you added more people in there it would be too much. so just the two of them works very well.  gets into the JQ around 31 minutes.

i dunno, i think chris might be coming around! i subscribed to him again hahahaha. yeah i know he has a nonwhite gurlfran. but he was open about that. he prob wont marry her hahahaha.

 

 

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WHY CANT MORE WOMEN THINK SLVTTISHNESS IS AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT GROSS

jan 5 new current year

just getting ready for the day. 656 am. i could PROBABLY sleep in an extra 15 minutes. maybe i will eventually do that. but i like having this buffer of time to write a few sentences, check email, and, of course, go make explosive coffee water #2’s like i am about to do right now.

ok did that. i mean its really quick.

anyway yeah my main issue now, and i didnt really have this at the previous job because that job was so stressful and packed that we really never had a chance to talk about anything not job related, we were all just trying to survive day to day. but now that the pace is a little slower THANK GOD, i am pressuring myself to be more social and charismatic and normie.

i mean i will take this new problem ANY DAY over what I faced before. im not complaining haahahha. well i kind of am. but never forget, that in comparison, it is not even 1% as bad altogether. i get a 99% reduction in stress and panic and thats The End Of The Story.

spent like an hour responding to a Support Ticket today that in my previous job, would have been expected to knock out in 20, or better 10 minutes. it doesnt matter if you dont know the answer. find the answer and answer it within 10 minutes. I laboriously wrote an email like the sloth. included Too Much Information and Misinformation. and I probably didnt even need to do ANYTHING, because someone else would be in in the afternoon that knew a lot more about the topic. an SME. but i was determined to Do Something and Add Value and figure out how to use the ticket system better. So I took a shot at it and hopefully superiors say good for him to try this, rather than, oh shit what a stupid fookup, i wish we could fire him, but he’s in the union grrrrrr. he totally did this wrong. gave the person bad advice, poorly written, and used the program in more wrong ways than we could imagine hehehehe.

anyway i did ok i guess. give myself a little more crrrrredit hahaha. had a paltry two customers in today and tried to act like a nice normie to them. painfully awkward small talk. jeez. for a while, i used to be GOOD at this. at my previous job. after i talked to people ALL DARN DAY i got pretty good at small talk. wish the learning curve wasnt that rough. because i cant handle talking to people ALL DARN DAY….well, when its complicated complex shit. and what im doing now is nowhere near as complex. it can get complex, but there are SEVERAL SME’s with Masters Degrees just waiting to Yank the Case from me. Aint No Need to BEG like I did before!

the beotch in the comments is half good and half bad. she says that she is automatically suspicious of anyone who talks of a BEST friend who is opposite sexs,usu means you are in luv with them. i would tend to agree! i guess you can have normal acquaintance friends of the opposite secx, but once you upgrade them to BEST friends or really really really close top tier friends….you are at big risk of getting FEELINGS for them. because of the INTIMACY.

i hate how wimmin dont think SEX is INTIMATE. god damn fooking SAVAGES.

well at least got under in calories today.

would LUV some MJ hahahaha.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=small%20talk%20for%20socially%20awkward%20people

i dont HATE small talk. i totally understand the idea of and why small talk is important. i would like to be able to DO small talk! any stupid autist who says small talk is retarded…..well thats a very immature and stupid thing to say. small talk is the basis of everything. big talk. relationships. success. friends. luvers. showing that you have charisma and confidence and that you are a smart cool charming person and worth hanging out with. or you can faily miserably and show what a boring, awkward, desperate, pathetic omega neet virgin you are hahahahahaha. this is all accomplished on the battlefield of small talk. small talk is ridiculously important and big hahahaha. i totally get that.

so yeah i luv the idea of small talk. i hate trying to do it and failing at something so important.

well this job will def be another big step in getting over that woman. makes it more and more distant. but damn i wish i hadnt been so pathetic and stupid and Creepy. wish id been stronger and cooler and not so desperate and needy and clingy.

so apparently you cant just walk into a store and buy MJ in california nao.

i guess i could tell people that i am interested in Relships and read Relship Advice stories a lot. because I honestly DO! this is kinda weird but its prob my most normie interest. i mean, cant talk to people about WN1488, Alt Right, or Black Metal. talking about RELSHIPS sounds completely reasonable and normie next to all that. and I could work in some spin on how casual secs is degenerate and sinful and disgusting.

women can be awkward and it doesnt hurt them, they can still gets jobs and relships. men and women are probably about equally socially awkward, but theres DISPARATE IMPACT on the men.

anyway. re that woman. yeah now that i think about it, a series of long conversations probably wouldnt have done much good. what WOULD have done some good is me making a BRIEF statement EARLY, like: yep i’m starting to act weird and want to hang out all the time becuase i’m starting to get feelings for you. This is getting hard for me to deal with and I don’t mean to Ghost you, but just do me a solid and give me some time and space, because I dont think you feel the same way, and I need some space to get over my feelings for you. Sorry. Best Wishes in life. You are a good person and I don’t mean to dump you. But this is hard for me and it needs a lot of effort from me. Think of a time when you got feelings for a guy friend and he didn’t return them. It was challenging, wasn’t it. The end.”

even that’s a little too long. and then if she did have feelings, she could respond to that. hahahahaha. so yeah. clearly she thought i was the entitled nice guy and was dreading the dreadful conversation where i tried to BEG her to be with me and tell her why she was WRONG when she said she didnt want me. and she didnt want to put up with that.

i mean i was already BEGGING her to respond. why wouldnt i BEG her to reconsider or change her mind or pleeeeease luvvvvv me back. the torture of hours of me begging.

yeah well i didnt even get a chance. thats the point. maybe i would have been mature about it. but desperate luv compromises your maturity. shit.

but yeah. i coulda and SHOULD HAVE finished all this with one SHORT email in december 2014. rip the bandaid off. sorry babe but I like like you. i obv need to get over that because you dont return the feelings. so i have to take a break from this friendship. i dont want to leave you in the lurch so let me know if i can pay an early termination fee or something. reddit said this can hurt for the friend to get friend dumped, so tell me what i can do to make this easier for you. though i promise you its a LOT harder for ME hahahahahahaha because my heart is utterly broken now and I might fall off the wagon and start doing heron again and K myself hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha jk.

why would i even LOOK at tinder. its full of sluts who think casual sex is OK. fundamental incompatibility of Core Moral Values.

i want to meet women who think sluts are gross and being a slut is gross. i want to meet women who JUDGE sluts. negatively.

WHY DONT MORE PEOPLE JUDGE SLUTS NEGATIVELY. WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE THINK SLUTTISHNESS IS OK. DAMN. WHY CANT MORE PEOPLE, ESP WOMEN, JUST THINK ITS AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT GROSS.

and why are these damn sluts such successful ADULTS. good normie ADULTS. good at college, good at career, people dont think theyre WEIRD, they LEARN shit and UNDERSTAND shit and can EXPLAIN shit. really get deep into blooms taxonomy of learning hahahaha. learn something deeply. you dont learn something until you can teach it to someone else. those who can’t do, teach HAHAHAHAHAHA.

some people say, dont do a masters degree unless you’re passionate and absolutely sure about it. dont half ass it, or use it as a stopgap because you dont know what else to do, you will waste too much money for too little return.

i tend to like this school of thought.

but then there the other side, which is like, we all need to pay our dues and do things that are tough and expensive and struggle in the medium term of 4 years or so, so things pay off 5, 10 years later. the day comes where you put away your childish toys, put on your big boy pants, and accept that you have to go to work for a living, and spent 80% of your waking hours doing things you dont really WANT to do, that you arent really PASSIONATE about, so you might as well maximize this by doing something that will pay off in the long run.

well, i had enough trouble going to college in a state of welp, i dont know what to do, but i got good grades in high school and i’m expected to go to college. so just pay your dues, get the extremely expensive piece of paper, and then you’ll be set.

but that was all lies hahahaha. so now the goalposts are moved? and i should go into GRADUATE school with the same mindset?

yeah but its a lot different getting into grad school than getting into undergrad. i did great in high school and got into a good undergrad without really much effort or maturity or planning. i did completely average in undergrad and could not see myself getting into an above average grad school without totally busting my ass in a go-getting, gung-ho, high-energy way that i have NEVER been.

and it doesnt seem WORF IT to pay shitloads of money to go to an average or below-average grad program, just to treat it as College 2.0 for when College is the New High School and Grad School is the new College and i hate the whole scam system anyway!

but in life you gotta SUCK IT UP and DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO!

and why dont NORMIES have such a god damn internal conflict about it? they just go ahead and work hard and GIT R DONE.

heh. i wish i had a Career Coach ever since I was 16, staying on my ass and saying you need to do this, you need to do that.

now some people, their families do that. the chinee high expectations father. you can become doctor or engineer. get your masters degree or youre out of the family. i didnt have that at all, i was SPOILED.

cuz i didnt WANT to do anything. i needed to be trained with the carrot and the stick. left to my own devices in College, i totally went astray. a strong guiding hand, a foot being put down, that prob would have helped me in the long run. classic first world problems of being first in the fam to go to college hehehe. and of course i didnt appreciate that privilege at all. damn.

if i had to go to college, should have gone to local uni and stayed at home so the fam could have kept me in line, from doing stupid shit like MJ and alcohol.

but i still did MJ and alcohol when i was at home! i just hid it really well. i either would have gotten a DUI much earlier (which prob would have been GOOD), and probably did a bit less MJ, which DEF would have been good. definitely would have seen less of those crazy women doing crazy shit, which would have been good.

i dunno. alternate realities and what ifs and all that. i mean i still went crazy over women when being at home.

but yeah. ive never liked SCHOOL, and ive never liked WORK, and doing EITHER is PULLING TEETH.

See those normies? GOALS.

Goals are important. Goals are A Thing. See what happens when you have goals? You should have goals. Get Goals. Goals. Just Achieve Them.

all of education is fooked up. from grade school to grad school. serious fundamental problems with ALL of it.

heh. there should be homeschool grad school.

but you dont NEED grad school!!!!

well grad school is just perfect for some people! they are total grad school nerds! they clearly belong there!

i couldnt see myself getting in just because i couldnt see myself getting convincing recommendations and statement of intent. uhhh i want to get into grad school because i cant get a 26k FT job with a bachelors degree, so i’m really just treating this as high school 3.0. i fookin hate school but this is the bare minimum for being lower middle class in 2000s.

I would MUCH RATHER Just Work A Job. An Entry Level, 25k a year job, than go to god damn grad school. not that i have a good shot at getting into grad school ANYWAY! I have a better chance at getting the 25k a year job! and weve seen how fooking ridiculously godforsakenly hard THAT is! maybe it IS easier getting into a masters degree at a shitty noname school! MBA at phoenix!

yeah but i dont WANT to do an MBA, i would rather do a masters in relationship and despair counseling. which is an inherently useless degree! catch 22 here. quite the dilemma. and i dont want to be a social worker working with welfare blacks for a contractor with the city of oakland or the city of ferguson or something.

although its funny. today one of my “customers” was a black guy with an mba and I tried to make small talk with him. he was much better at it than me, but i am at least trying to be nice folks, i swear. but i cant talk about sports or anything. i cant tell this black guy that i am a trump supporting hwyte nationalist racist hahahaha. i nervously mentioned my interest in “news and current events”, which is FAIR…..BUT WHAT IF PEOPLE TAKE THAT BAIT and try to get you talking about TRVMP??????

well shit, this guy could actually BE a trump supporter, he seems to be a rather moderate, conservative, white acting, oreo black. almost like he is now overcompensating to not talk like a black, he is very well spoken, great speaking voice. he even made jokes about the HR diversity sensitivity training we had to do about trannies and shit hahahahahaha. i laughed and said yeah I hear ya man. well we didnt talk specifically about trannies. or have a frank conversation on race hahahahahaha.

see i dont hate blacks hahahaha. i just had an awkward conversation with a grad school educated black man hahahaha.

also all these people have experience giving lectures and discussions in front of groups of people. they have done that hundreds of times. there is no possible argument that this is not a GREAT life skill.

i would be dropping the spaghetti all over the place. oh now im the TEACHER and my STUDENTS are gonna think im an IDIOT. i never wanted to be a teacher but now i want to be a teacher even LESS, hahahahaha.

shit i can barely be a STUDENT. I can barely be a 13k a year EMPLOYEE. I cant even be a bare minimum ADULT. hahahahaha. I fooked up on easy mode, cant even deal with NORMIE MODE, hahahahaha.

funny all this goddamn self doubt even though now i am damn WORKING and that is an INFINITE improvement over where i was 2 months ago. why not just be happy about that.

went all in with AA, guy beat me with full house. sheeeeeeit.

heh. wonder what that woman is doing with her life right now. i know she got a job similar to what we were doing. probably making similar or more money, maybe higher up, def lots of hours, def lot more money than me, def making literally TWICE the money I am making. well shell have plenty of money to spend on her black bastard then hahahahahahahahahahahaha wawawawawawawawawawawa im so sad and lonely and want her back and will never get over her, muh perfect waifu hhahahahaha.

yeah i am playing things up a bit. but for a long time thats how bad it was. bad shit. wouldnt wish on worst enemy.

i guess its worse when i am working alongside 20 year old kids and they are all going to college, yup working on muh engin degree or nursing degree or HR degree, and then they graduate and get a 28k a year job, while you remain at the kid student job. at least here i dont have any young kids beside me being a constant reminder of what an old failure i am hahahahahahaha.

HUHWHYTE HUHWHORKERS

wed aug 2

looked up the amount of money i spent during muh unemployment and was horrified and disgusted. i am not a big spender! but somehow i spent a lot of money! essentially blew through a Larger Than Average Emergency Fund!!!!!!!!

heh. the hugest expenses were, by far, car related (aka useless shit tier insurance) and going to see the SHRINK. everything else was DWARFED in comparison to that. even going out to restaurants to play my weekly game was NOTHING in comparison to those two things. also the local grocery store / supermarket was a big thing, but thats not surpirsing.

i made 152 dollars on mturk hehehehe.

yep. car insurance, shrink, and grocery store were biggest expenses because i dont have to pay rent like NORMIES because i am a neet. now, the grocery store should involve a lot of stuff that i am buying for the fam, and or gifts for them. spent more on gifts for them .

cant break down the many categories of stuff i bought at the grocery store, which also includes gas, clothes, food, nonfood.

also its funny that shitty, useless, absolutely cheapest car insurance was the #1 biggest expense. and Budget Shrink once a month was a little below that. my biggest entertainment expense, my weekly, sometimes twice weekly game, didnt even come close. or me buying clothes like a madman. spend 488 dollars on clothing. and that was all this year. well from july to dec 2015 i was pretty much completely dead.

i mean i try to “give money to muh fam” whenever i possibly can by buying them stuff, because they refuse to Charge Me Rent like a Normie fam would, like they SHOULD, because not to is to enable muh neetism, so i fight against that by essentially slipping money into their wallet when they arent looking hahahahaha.

https://mint.lc.intuit.com/questions/1136258-trying-to-change-a-category-not-working

this is exactly the kind of tech support my old company would give, the type of “advice” that woman was great at giving. somebody says the feature is not working. tech support assumes the user is doing it wrong, and gives the the “right” steps. this is exactly what the user IS doing….and it is not working. there CLEARLY is a technical issue that needs to be looked at and acted on by the company. but they sit their silent and just imply that you’re doing it wrong.

spent 369 on muh weekly hobby during muh 17 months of shitty neetness. honestly less than i expected. but oh yeah one place doesnt take credit cards. all this data is coming from muh credit card. i do not use cash anymore for this very reason. analytics. data. reports. trends.

took benedryl because i got the hankering to sm0ke MJ…..but of course i dont have any. might have some in jan 2019 god willing. 2 more years. legal MJ hehehehe. hope to get it on the ballot in 2018, where it would PROBABLY pass, but it possibly could not pass. maybe 60 40 odds hehehehe. of passing.

shit i would even be willing to take a TINY dose of mushrooms. but it has to be TINY. i would rather not feel anything than feel anything. because a bad trip is just not worth it. at all. it will put you into a world of panic, dread, emptiness, despair, fear, hopelessness, death hahahahaha. but good trips can give you the opposite of all that. and that is what i am looking for.

always take less of whatever drug it is. you know who tells you to take MORE? druggie degenerates. OVEN YOURSELF.

i am happy i have totally resisted the urge to type that womans name into google and try to stalk her that way. prob find her linkedin and instagram where she is posting images of her fooking negros hahahahahaha. making spelling errors and poor writing on her linkedin for her Tough Stressful Job where she makes a lot more money than me.

her name getting in the News for being so good at her Career she became an Expert. or maybe doing Activism for one of her Causes. or she went back to school, got highest honors, and is getting a Grad or Law degree.

i mean she doesnt have a unique name so when i searched her before all this shit happened, like in oct 14 to june 15 when i was in luv with her, she wouldnt even be on the first 2 or 3 pages of google. just other people with her same name.

now if you search my name on google, you immediately get my linkedin, my twitter, on the very top of the first page, and i am happy with that. but i really SHOULD have many company and skool awards and blurbs about honors and awards ive won, me and my unique name just got promoted, just spearheaded a 50 million dollar project, etc. got married to a beautiful 22 year old gurl, had a 3rd child, bought a house in a 100% huhwhyte neighborhood, etc, getting respect from respected people, etc.

but yeah. if someone wanted to get in touch with me, they could find my email address REAL easy. SHE could find my email address if she just googled muh name. moron probably couldnt spell it right hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. i am so desperate for her to google me, find the email, and contact me. because she blocked my email and deleted it so she doesn’t know what it is anymore hehehehehe. and she desperately wants to apologize to me and luv me, but she doesnt’ know how to contact me. what bullshit. then she could contact at least 2 people we mutually know. or have someone do that for her. or type my name into google. she OBVIOUSLY doesnt WANT to.

WANT. WILL. WILLINGNESS. are you WILLING to do this. this WILLINGNESS is the most important thing. I dont care if anyone ever UNDERSTANDS me. that’s way too much to ask. i would never expect that. i dont even udnerstand myself. i just want them to luv me hahahaha. thats way better than Understanding. I guess LISTENING is important though. but understanding really isnt. i will never complain about being MISUNDERSTOOD. well, except that she misunderstood my motives. yeah that i care a lot about. not being seen as a niceguy who betrayed her by wiating in the wings, waiting to pounce, ulterior motives etc.

benedryl. makes a man tired hehehehe.

dec 24

heh. xmas eve. benedryl last night. was tired. crashed into bed, slept pretty Well, but past 830 am i could not get back to sleep. even though i still felt tired and groggy and sleepy. still do now at 953 am. sleepy but you cant sleep. so i just am thankful i slept a few hours later than muh New Normal wake up time of 515 am.

i was always anti authority. when i was young i disliked and had no respect for my teachers. well the majority of them. some of them i liked. but i never thought, wow, i LUV this teacher, I want to be a teacher when I Grow Up. I said, this is a sucky profession, it attracts mean nasty people, those who cant do teach hahahaha, and those who cant teach teach at my school hahaha. (and the corrolary of this really pretty offensive maxim is, those who DO, cant teach!)

so why bother trying to teach or learn anything. just sm0ke weed all day and jerk off, try to bang sluts.

in high school i had a better understanding and more respect for teachers or teaching. but i knew the teachers in my private skool made way less money than the rich, lazy, spoiled, entitled public skool teachers, who also didnt give any homework and made skool fun and easy for their students, and 16 yo old gurls were throwing themselves at you in these public schools.

but my teachers were men of principle! who would then be a bit autistic, weird, or mean. maybe they were just butthurt they couldnt get a sweet public skool job.

and of course now i understand that public skool teachers dont really do that well, and you either do SUB jobs till you’re 30 years old, or get a job in the absolute worst, blackest, ghettoest district, and those Plum Teacher Jobs are simply going extinct because, big surprise, they cost the schools too much money. fookin boomers hahahahaha. way to kill the golden goose. fookin joos hahahaha. like the scorpion and the frog.

anyway now i appreciate what teachers do. will stand up for teachers against the teacher-haters, which i used to be. while being even more certain that i would never want this thankless, super stressful job.

old school boomer working class HATE teachers because they only work 6 months out of the year, only work 6 hours a day hahahaha, and see it as the easiest job ever.

but basically when i was IN high school and especially grade school, i wish i had more respect for the teachers heheheheh.

still i dont think thats what screwed me up though. maybe it was just my general disrespect for authority. i didnt’ think anyone knew what they were talking about. i know just as well as they do. well no i sure as fook didnt! well what do THEY know, they’re just underpaid losers at this private skool who couldnt get a sweet public school job! their wife left them and their kids hate them!

also i was butthurt that i “had to” go to a private skool with no gurls. cuz i was absolutely OBSESSED with secs and gurls, even more than i am now. truth is, if i had gone to one of those fantasy public school paradises, i probably would have been bullied by the boys AND rejected by the girls, for being an omega male hehehehe.

then i went to college and the “teachers” here were wildly successful. they were professors at a famous university. of course they were respected, their wives didnt leave them. there were shitloads of beautiful 18-21 year old gurls. and i didnt know how to deal with them. i was frozen in fear and couldnt bring myself to talk to them.

yep 33 inch pants would be just perfect. this means i must continue to lose weight until 32 inch pants would be just perfect.

i guess Dr Phil would be a celebrity, well know, famous version of the type of profession i could see myself doing. helping people with their emotional, relship, family, behavior problems.

who are other famous shrinks? dr keith ablow I hear is pretty good. i hear Dr Laura is pretty good although a J.

i guess tel aviv is the party city of israhell. beaches and clubs and all that. 20 year old israeli gurls in tiny bathing suits. who have absolutely no respect for secs as the life creating act. just want to have fun fun fun. and i absolutely would never want to have babies with them hahahaha. shit yeah i would race mix with them. basically any light skinned 20 year old gurl i would race mix with.  would never make babies with.

maybe i want to be like roosh, traveling the world and banging 20 year old sluts. it really doesnt sound bad. i mean i wish more of these white sluts turned him down. all of them. i dont want white women to be sluts and ESPECIALLY not race mixing sluts going for swarthy persians.

i apologize to intuit tech support because i wrote a kinda nasty comment to them on their shitty tech support article where it appeared there was a bug in the program, then right after i read the shitty article and left the nasty comment that prob wont get read anyway, the program started working again. but i swear i was doing it right! what the hell was i doing wrong? it wasnt a complicated process, it was jsut trying to change the category of a transaction. from what it is defaulted to, to something of my choosing. important necessary feature sure.

well i never attack level 1, i basically attack level 2 and above. for letting shitty service continue. for treating customers like idiots. passing the buck and giving me the runaround. i want a level 2 person to tell me WHEN this is going to be fixed. if its a month or 6 months, FINE. just let me know that poeple who CAN fix it are AWARE of it and PLAN on fixing it. dont just give me a patronizing poorly written response telling me what ive ALREADY DONE. do you really think I’m THAT STUPID. again, I know this isnt the level1 person’s fault. really they should just do away with level 1 and make level2 the new level1. essentially meaning, give the level1s about 100 times more training so they dont always seem so damn inexperienced. but yeah thats a thankless job. even worse than teaching hahahaha. its like teaching something you dont even KNOW. forget knowing how to DO. its teaching shit youve never HEARD OF before.

there were people in uni who took about the same ballpark of MJ as i did, and they turned out fine, ie, 6 gorillion times more successful than me, wife, kids, etc. probably the alcohol did more damage than the MJ. but the MJ did do damage too. because i would rather sm0ke MJ than attack my schoolwork aggressively. i wasnt so much shirking muh skoolwork to DRINK. but i did binge drink a lot on occasion. i honestly do think i did more stupid destructive shit because of MJ though. yeah. actually the MJ i think did more damage than the alcohol. at THAT time. but AFTER uni, the alcohol def did more damage than the MJ. now i dont drink any more and I Romanticize MJ and put it on a pedastal like it was a perfect waifu.

even though its obviously NOT! it makes me paranoid and anxious and panicky and nervous and awkward and lazy and neurotic and jooish and weak!

ive never had a royal straight flush or a nonroyal straight flush but i have had quads quite a few times. is that normal?

got ghoul surf the kali yuga shirt in mail on dec 24. i did not “need” it by xmas and I would rather the poor USPS slaves not slave on xmas eve, xmas day, or saturdays, or sunday amazon deliveries. or midnight shifts at the PO. or split shifts. or PSEs or casuals. i would pay more in shipping for those things.

i should join heimbachs traditionalist workers party because by god am i SERIOUS about Workers Rights, but also by god am I SERIOUSLY against all the leftist marxist jooish revolutionary commie SHIT The Labor Movement supports. I mean they are the leftest of the left and that’s very disappointing. it should not be that way. and maybe A True Populist Movement can give a better way than that.  right wing, traditionalist, JQ Aware, Huhwhyte Huhwhorkers.

all time, i have given 155 dollars to alt right causes. this includes tshirts which should PROBABLY be split because the entire cost of the tshirt does not go to the alt right guy, not even half, it goes to the jooish tshirt company. well, at least the company that does TRS’s tshirts is not jooish at all, and I wrote them a note with my order complimenting them for this.

anyway the size L ghoul shirt fits fine. i was worried about moving down from an XL tshirt to an L. DONT BE. just dont gain the god damn weight back.

hmm bitcoin peaking at like 890 dollars. quickly gonna sell 20 usd worth. buy low, sell high. and it is high. peaked and starting to come down. ok sold 25 USD. makin monay hahahaha.

going into mint and categorizing and recategorizing a bunch of shit.

http://www.tradworker.org/platform/

pretty good outlining of a political and MORAL platform hehehehe. dont know if heimbach is still involved here. welp there is nothing on the site for dnating.

 

 

TEACHERS ARE LOSERS

thurs march 6

get a large White Board and then write the things you have To Do on it, so you don’t forget, and can update and erase the list as necessary. put it on the wall in your room.

good gamblers MAKE money. Bad gamblers LOSE money. People with Gambling Problems lose a LOT of money. Right now I am Losing Money, and about to cross the rubicon of losing more money than I would really like; losing money FASTER than I like.  On Micro Stakes! This is like 5 and 10 cent blinds! max buyin of 10 dollars!

fri march 7

ok new plan, just move back to one table, because i like to play around on internet, and two tables is too distracting, and that distraction translates to stupid bets and losing money.

got social plans for two days in a row, good lord, i am thankful not to be a friendless neet virgin. anyway use your friendz as your job counselors, tell them everything about your job search, get them to tell you everything, and come up with some ideas that may help you get a new job. because you spend 90% of your life at your job and less than 10% with your friendz. you see your coworkers much more than you see your friends and family.

i cannot believe this is because of the free market or capitalism; one should be able to have capitalism without excessive “corporate greed” and superrich plutocrats. although many of the superrich ARE entitled to their money.

I suppose Family Business would be the ideal solution, just like Homeschool. This would be the logical next step after homeschool.

found a place locally that sells silver bullion, try to check it out over the weekend, little further away than I would like, would like someplace only half as far away. but prob worth checking out once just for the curiosity.

looking back to one mere week ago, I cannot believe that I used to do what I did. staying busy, taking calls like a madman, running around. now I can barely get out of bed and accomplish one task, any of these tasks being simple and fun and nonstressful, 9000000000x times less stressful than any one task i used to do many times a day at my job.

in other words, i am fully reverted back to being an EXTREMELY lazy loser, in only one week!

does anything really matter, hehehe. i should be adding value to the world, not navel gazing and Talking About Myself all the time. talk about scientific research, talk about how to Create Jobs. Be An Ideas Man.

How to Pull Pvssy. Tell Women to Get Over Here and Sit on Your C0ck. (i like how the 0 looks just like an o!)

Also: Bend Over For My C0ck. Or, Suck My C0ck NOW.

Hey Baby, Wanna get F00ked?

Or, Sext me a video of you spreading your Buttcheeks. Wanna see your face in there too.

that sort of thing. just try it.

remember a woman cannot be both a Good Girl AND a Filthy Wh0re whenever she wants. And if a woman wants to be a Filthy Wh0re sometimes, then she should be giving some of that up to you. It’s not Women being Filthy Whores that I have a problem with; It’s women being Filthy Wh0res and saying, NO, YOU can’t have any of this, AND you can’t call me a Filthy Wh0re, AND you have to approve of me being a Filthy Wh0re to OTHER men, AND you have to agree that I will be very marriageable after all those c0x.

NO MA’AM!

In other words, in an ideal world, Beta Males like Us would have EASY ACCESS to Slutty Women for Easy Sex. Just call up that Slutty Girl, she gives it up to ANYONE.

Well if you knew even ONE slutty (and attractive!) gurl, you would have done that YEARS ago! But you don’t KNOW any of the Known Sluts! The only Women you know, if ANY, are Completely Hideous Hambeasts, that you could NEVER get it up to!

heh. just needed a break from talking about jobs and careers. and myself. heh.

ANYWAY. perhaps my DREAM is to sit in the bed and play poker and look at the internet and listen to music. that sounds GREAT actually. with a midday nap of course, and a powerwalk every day, and a new 18yo qt erry night.and the ones i like i will call back on the reg.

what can i teach you. i guess i like teaching but i would not want to be A Teacher, F that S.  I still like the idea of being a Tutor, but that’s like for Lazy Teachers, and there’s no FullTime Tutor Jobs, and if there were, they would be viewed as losers. Tutors get such a bad rap, Tutors are NOT losers. TEACHERS are Losers. Suck Mah D, Teachers. I would LOVE to bang a young woman teacher straight out of Undergrad and in her first Teaching Job. Or more likely, a Subbing Job. Unless they went to Harvard. Bang them too. Bang Bang Bang. Hey, they can obsess about their careers all they want, but that doesn’t keep them from being The Ones Who GET Banged.  The Men who Bang You don’t give a DAMN about your career, they only care that you’re young, hot, and spreading.

Heh. My Anti-Woman writing is GREAT, I gotta do more of that.

I don’t HATE any woman, even the slutz; I just have no respect for young hot women who slut it up. and even less respect when they don’t include ME in their slutting it up. Weak. Gay. Go F00k Yourself.

There are even some women I LIKE; such as the Blessed Virgin Mary; and I’ve had a few actual female Friends in my life. It does kind of suck that there’s no real Public Well Known Women who are good Role Models, that I could just mention as examples. There are more cool Male Celebrities than Cool Female Celebrities.