13 DOLLARS AN HOUR

aug 31

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

http://pastebin.com/xUh6Djef

put this in sidebar, i want to caputre the worst article ever AND a few hundred comments

nymag open marriage cuckoldry article by sonmore

INFAMOUS

http://pastebin.com/67FxT9wi

here is the sequel / follow up with the man and his “wife.”

the first article is timeless, classic, godawful, and i will put it in the sidebar As A Ghastly Monument (Ruins of Beverast reference/credit.)

i might be moving Towards A New Cover Letter Hermeneutic where the new Way is really to hit them HARD with a Fully Tailored, Individualized First Paragraph that cups their balls and sucks their dick and appeals to their mission and demonstrates my passion for their company and how i can add value and increase profitability by specifically matching the requirements of the specific job, in the culture of this specific company, addressing these particular pain points, and why i am THE SINGLE BEST CANDIDATE out of millions, and this, and no others, IS my Dream Career.

in other words, REALLY step up my Tailoring of the CL. I tailor the CL a TINY bit, changing a few words or sentences each time. so, do more than that.

also, attempt to aim for the Average Salary of my state, and NOT the whole US, which is 28k, and my state is a LITTLE below that.

yeah 12 to 16 is a ridiculous range to give. i should just say 12 to 14.

or 12 to 13 hahahaha.

people who have college careers and make 40k + cringe at talk like this. they never mention numbers. i mention numbers ALL DAY.

yeah i guess i used to think it was VULGAR too. but now I just think its Keeping It Really Real. How Much Does The Market Say You Are Worth?

no its not the sum total of Who You Are…..but it DOES tell me a LOT about what Your Employer thinks you are Worth, and What Kind of Life you live, and probably the type of people you associate with.

(People tend to associate with people who make about the same amount of MONEY as they do. So I feel a little weird when people who make WAY MORE MONEY than I do, huge winners, invite me to hang out with them. Of course I accept the invitation graciously.)

so yeah fook this 15 dollars an hour bullshit. i am willing to pay my dues and make 13 dollars an hour like the people in muh subaverage state. those fancy phaggots in joo york and phag phagcisco can take their 15 dollars an hour and pozz each others assholes with it. besides in those cities it costs 600000k per month to live in a one room shack tiny house, and it costs 90000000$ for a package of ramen. no thanks.

if a man is complaining about COMMUNICATION all the time, and his wife/gf is never WILLING to COMMUNICATE, and she’s always SHUTTING ME OUT, and so DISTANT, and putting up a WALL, she has to be willing to COMMUNICATE, well then thats him signalling that HE has HUGE communication issues, he’s projecting, HE’S really the one who doesnt know how to COMMUNICATE hahahaha.

i was watching married at first sight and derek was complaining about his distant, unwilling, stubborn, bitchy horrible (but very bangable) wife, who simpyl would not give him a chance. he is kinda a douchebag but he had some GREAT points about communication, where I nodded my head vigorously and said YES. YASSSS. THIS. SO MUCH THIS.

and hes also right that she is no spring chicken at 33, but my god she has a very fookable ass hahahahahahaha. she has to be in the top 10% of attractiveness for 33 year old women. I would DESTROY her.

and this derek is a pretty masculine man too, i’m sure he would destroy her too, but thats how stubborn she is. she probably would have gladly let him destroy her 5 years ago. now im not sure what she wants. probably a total beta bucks sort of guy. she probably WANTS the total doormat that says anything you want hunny. but i have to wonder, who does she want For SECS, at this moment? she’s always gonna want the masculine guy for secs. so why not have secs with her masculine husbando derek?

unless she’s such a sleazebag that she needs TWO or more men. alpha fooks, beta bucks, and never the twain shall meet. i guess she’s never experienced a best of both worlds alpha who is masculine AND makes a ton of money. but  she’s hawt enough to pull such a man (albeit not necessary without sharing him), and doesnt she meet plenty of powerful men as a Stewardess? like the powerful alpha men in First Class and such?

so yeah i am most fascinated in this couple. then sonia and nick a distant second, and i dont really care about the third couple hahahaha.

basically a 33 year old woman with no children is guaranteed to be SUPER CRAZY. her body is telling her to have a baby RIGHT NOW BEFORE ITS TOO LATE and you have to keep that in mind. i guess its ok if you want to have a baby right now too. but its gonna be real hard to have MULTIPLE babies with this woman. she shoulda started having babies AT LEAST TEN YEARS AGO.

fulton sheen on difference between BAD, and EVIL.

 

hilarious first hour with moishe, not sure if florian mentions the sheen story in this one though

start at 1:47:00. this is exactly where florian makes the point about fulton sheen. this is probably the single best episode of nationalist review EVAR: a full hour of moishe being absolutely ridiculous, natt being natt, a bit by “degenerate dan”, a full discussion and reading of that horrendous nymag cuckold article, AND florian uses that to introduced sheen’s point:

that a bad man simply does bad things, sins, like lie, cheat, steal, hurt, kill.

but a truly EVIL man actively and intentionally works to undermine truth, beauty, and goodness ITSELF. true evil seeks to portray vice as virtue. like the cuckold husband who does disgusting mental gymnastics to portray his cuckoldry as True Luv for his wife. true evil just makes a disgusting mockery of truth, beauty, and goodness.

i didn’t actually hear sheen’s actual story, just florian describing it. but i’ve seen plenty of sheen, and he is pretty badass, and the more i hear of florian, the more i like/luv him. he is possibly the new fulton sheen for 2016 alt right. and he is a very young man, like 23 years old. AND he is in seminary to become a catholic priest. AND he is alt right and joo wise and insanely, autistically smart. AND he has created a better joo character than morrakiu, with moishe the mossad handler.

ok florian is definitely in contention to be man of the year 2016 hahahahaha. i sort of wish he wasn’t becoming a priest so he could have white children. but I like the idea of a 1488 catholic priest too.

shit i would say become a priest and have children ANYWAY. let them kick you out.

actually i think you can become a priest AFTER you have children.

florian should def have children. but I very much appreciate him being a MAN OF GOD.

his regular voice is a little autistic, but he is SUCH a great awesome guy it doesnt even matter. this guy is SO good.

https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Fulton_J._Sheen

so yeah. listen to that whole episode. if its not SHUT DOWN by the time this post posts. im downloading that shit again.

the best thing ive heard lately that isnt the fatherland hahahaha. well it does have ryan from the fatherland and i luv him too. great, great men. I would LUV to go to a trs convention and meet these guys.

https://radio.therightstuff.biz/2016/08/31/the-daily-shoah-100-ep-88-part-13-of-14-a-hundred-a-hundred-twenty-episodes/

millennial woes on the new daily shoah!!! (100th episode!) NOICE!! I hope he uses some N words and K words and F words and such and isnt such a nice guy hahaha. i dont think hes even been on the shoah before. ITS ABOUT TIME.

sept 1

had weird dream that i was a Rookie Police Officer just starting out, getting On The Job Training from the guys, and I was very quickly On The Verge Of A Nervous Breakdown, and was very anxious like, whoa guys, i think i’m in over my head, i don’t think im TOUGH ENOUGH to handle this, maybe i’m not cut out for this job, maybe I should quit, I mean really, I dont have it in me! you need a tougher guy!

and the guys were all tough but also generally in favor of me not quitting I think, or they would disrespect me as an inferior pvssy if i quit, and were like, yeah its tough at first, but you just gotta TOUGHEN UP, gotta TUFF GET GOING, gotta not let it bother you, power through it, etc and other platitudes.

i think for most Cops though there is better training than what i experienced in the dream. like when you pay 20 grand to go to Police Academy, that’s where they train you for like 12 weeks hehehehe on all the aspects of being a Cop.

also cops get ongoing paid training because of like lawsuits and shit. peoples lives are at stake, its one of those jobs, like doctors and nurses and shit. lives are in your hands. people could die, and that means million dollar lawsuits, thus you implement official training pogams to Cover Your Ass.

unlike some companies where you dont need to cover your ass so much, and you can Screw and Joo customers with impunity, so it DOESNT MATTER if your people are trained. and the advice from management is, do what you need to do to get them on their way and make/save time and money.

thankfully i never had to Upsell Add On Products and shit. but the employees I was Supporting sure did. and they were generally as poorly trained as we were, and there they were talking to the ACTUAL customers. pressured by THEIR managers to try to sell the customers shit they REALLY didnt need, and also not understanding the products. yet trying to sell them. to people who didnt need them. when the products themselves were overpriced shady bullshit that were thoroughly jooish to the core. buy this extra advanced warranty goy. just in case. only 50 dollars more. just in case of a worst case scenario.

also the company was in general, dying. there is talk the company will be sold. but its a publicly traded company with shareholders. can you have a reverse IPO where a once public company becomes privately held again? i guess you can do esoteric shit with stock buybacks or stock splitting or something.

i guess theoretically the stock price could go SO low, and then there are Equity Firms who might gobble up a Majority Ownership of the company.

i dont know, I don’t have an MBA, I only have like 25 credits of Business Classes, hahahahaha.

which is more than Average, 13 dollar an hour normies have!

but you can also get an ok business sense from working at a company for a few years and just talking to people.

at my company, there was tons of rumors and speculation, among the more savvy people like me, that were even interested in speculation about why was the company doing this, rather than being like idk ikr lol weed lmao.

people like me who were frustrated and wanted to understand why the company and our department was such an egregious, backwards, shameful, disorganized, mismanaged clusterfook, and how it could be improved. well, more training, more actual legit experts who knew what they were doing, more time and money, more quality people actually improving actual quality, more testing, more actual listening to customers, much better executive management who understood the importance of IT as being more than just a Cost Center, etc.

standard!

but yeah its just horribly frustrating to have an angry, stressed person pushing you to fix their problem, because youre supposed to be the expert, fixing problems is your job, and you have no idea what you’re doing, and you look like you don’t know what you’re doing, becuase you really don’t, and you can’t appeal to a Subject Matter Expert in a way that is actually useful for either you or the customer. Most customers would be jsut fine if you said, wow, this is a pretty complex problem, here’s Joe Flabeetz, he’s been here for 2 years and really knows what he’s doing, Joe is great. its much worse when you say, i dont know what to do, let me talk to Joe, and then you “talk” to Joe in a shitty chat room where he is helping 20 other lost souls like you, telling you stuff that doesnt make sense. then you go back to the customer and try to do that thing, and explain it.  NATURALLY, UNDERSTANDABLY, they wonder, can’t you just get Joe over here? he clearly knows what he’s doing, you clearly don’t, so just get him on the case.

but one does not simply just get a SME on the case. because they are just as busy as we are and are not gonna escalate a case without a fight.

you could probably turn newbies into SME’s quicker with REGULAR TRAINING. but again, thats millions of dollars for people who want to get out of here ASAP anyway. or they can just go mad and snapquit like me hahahaha.

it all makes perfect sense: DONT SPEND MONEY IF YOU DONT ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO.

the company can afford to not support their employees, shit they can afford to some extent to provide shitty, overpriced, screwjob jooish service to their customers. anything you can get away with. no exchanges, no refunds. all sales final. don’t like it, complain to the better business bureau bitches. don’t like it, do this shit yourself or go to our competitors.

see thats going too far though! why would you knowingly push your customers towards your competitors?

AND THATS WHY THE COMPANY IS FAILING. it used to be a successful, reputable company. now it is a sinking ship and more people can’t ignore that.

so yeah, i think a large part of why my experience was SO NEGATIVE was the culture of the company, being a large “big dog” old school company that was starting to fail on a massive scale. i mean they will implement retarded changes on a daily basis, yet be so Entrenched that they wont implement the actual Radical change needed. just do stupid spazzout bandaid fire putout bullshit. nothing meaningful, nothing that is good for the long term. short term only.

heh. that woman didnt care. she was just like go with the flow, dont let it bother you, dont bother me about it, i dont care, idk lol, dude weed lmao.

i mean women are not well equipped to have logical, sensible, reasonable, insightful thoughts about Business anyway……… but with all these educated women in careers, i think they can at least go through the motions of talking about business.

well, we did not have alot of those type of women in our department hahaha.

so i’m saying i prefer a more business savvy woman?

NO….i don’t even prefer a more intelligent woman. shit she was intelligent ENOUGH. i think she COULD have been taught to be more business savvy, not that she needed be…..

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit, really I just wanted her to talk to me more, be nicer to me, and just have a HALFWAY decent conversation about Our Jobs and Our Company!!!!!!! don’t you have an OPINION on this retardation! it affects you as much as it affects me! and she probably DID have an opinion! she just didnt want to talk to me any more. and i was very upset about that. her withdrawing from me and building a huge wall.

so yeah that was deffo the root issue hahahaha.

and I was very frustrated because I was aware of that root issue, and trying to resolve it, and getting NOWHERE, because I needed cooperation and willingness from her, and she refused to get it.

lets meet, lets sit at the table together, talk, and try to MAKE A DEAL. lets negotiate and compromise and both leave unhappy hahahahahahahahaha. and i was sitting at the table all day waiting for her to show up, and she just no called no showed the whole time.

so yeah that why i was very upset hahahaha.

dont just say dont let it bother you. get a thicker skin. believe me I would love to.

now, I had great conversations with a couple of my male friends at the job, and we all should have been promoted to level 3 and never have to take a call ever again hahahaha. make 18 bucks an hour hahaha.

i wasnt asking her to be as insightful as us, i just wanted her to give SOME effort into thinking about this. i mean it was stupid NOT to have righteous indignation over it, and to just say dont let it bother you, and smoke MJ. you can smoke MJ and still have opinions about this ridiculousness! and partially i was JEALOUS of her ability to DISCONNECT from the job like that, do it so Coolly, yet still miraculously do a “good” job and be liked by everyone. well yeah she was a likeable person hahahaha.

ishould probably give agalloch a second try. should i listen to the above album or “the mantle.” i was torn. i went to youtube and tried to compare the Productions, which one sounded better. they both sounded pretty close but maybe this one has a 5% stronger guitar sound. also, i technically tried listening to “the mantle” like 4 years ago and i was like, yeah this is ok, but i guess im not in the mood for something like this.

i guess now at least i am in the mood to give them a try again. i guess i want something thats like beautiful atmospheric black metal, but very melodic and very easy to listen to, with immediately catchy riffs and melodies and songs. but without being so NEW that it gets TOO much into “post rock” or “blackgaze”. something old enough that it was around when I was young and actually interested in music. the mantle came out in 2002, which is right in my wheelhouse yearwise, this one came out in 2006, when i had stopped caring about music, well, thats not true. i recall i was keeping up on the current work of katatonia and goatwh0re. but not being super duper into it, or into anything. lots of drinking. damn. increasing amounts of drinking. stupid. i stopped caring about new music, or music in general, some dark days.

so 2002 was really a much better year for me music wise than 2006…..but ive already heard a bit of the mantle, and if i like ashes against the grain, i’ll try the mantle. also the mantle is like 68 minutes long, which is way too long for an album. ashes is 59 minutes. still way too long, but better than 68.

and of course in 2014 and much of 2015 i was not interested in music so much either, because worrying about the job, or i was devastated by my loss and failure hehehehe. so i guess ive rebounded to a kind of peak right now of interest in music, as in trying to find NEW music, which is remarkable, cuz much of the time i like to Build A Wall and say yep ive got more than enough music thank you, dont need any new stuff. there’s nothing good left out there. its all hipster phaggot degenerate bullshit. theres plenty of stuff  from before 2000 i havent listened to yet.

and its FINE to close the ranks and circle the wagons….but i dont want to do that more than half of the time. i would always like to be SOMEWHAT open to new music.

and agalloch i think is right in line with stuff that i have enjoyed. like when i was young i enjoyed opeth a lot, i still enjoy their older stuff, and i have always enjoyed “in the woods….” a norwegian sorta black metal group from the 90s that was atmospheric and progressive and avant garde when those things werent NEARLY as cool as they are now.

heh like the other day i wanted to listen to hammerfall and i only ended up listening to the first two songs on the album. and that album was only like 40 minutes. perfect length.

went to jcpenneys. it was a mixed bag. i had high hopes.  saw some beautiful high school girls in there with their Moms for Back 2 Skool shopping. nothing wrong with a 35 year old man ogling 16 year old gurls hahahahahaha.  at that age you really want to Protect and Provide for them, and you would Happily swear an oath to their Faithful Fathers that you would not bang them until they are 18, or if the father really wanted grandchildren, then you could have him sign off for age 17, and you would promise to not frivolously divorce her hahahahahaha. and she would promise to not frivorce YOU really.

so yeah you dont look at the beautiful 16 year old gurl and say “yeah id like to pump and dump that trashwh0re, ride hard and hang them up wet” the way you would say about a 30 year old skank. you say “damn i wouldnt mind MARRYING that gurl and having her be the mother of my children. Assuming she’s not ALREADY a huge slut. Let’s have a talk with her father.”

90s and 00s metal. that was my thing. i’m not sure i even lasted 10 good years. but 1996 to 2003 for sure might have been my best years.

in terms of The West, those were not great years. especially 96 to 2001 hahahaha. the late 90s was the high of nihilism and decadence and degeneracy where shit was probably just as bad as it is NOW, except people were more despairing. shit was BAD, although things werent AS Sexualized, and attitudes about Gays were definitely a bit better. but there was nothing to hold onto. there was no alt right. there was no hope for the youth, which i was one. the music was especially shitty. it reflected the nihilism and lack of general quality perfectly. stuff like groove metal and nu metal and korn. well at least there was a ton of catchy alternative pop type stuff. i shoulda got into that more at the time.

there seemed to be much less red pilled young people then. people were not waking up fast enough.

and i do think 911 in 2001 was a bigass paradigm shift, the beginning of a new era, a time of awakening. the sleeping nihilist giant awakens and then stumbles around in confusion for about 10 more years hahahaha. trying to shake off that nihilism and sense of no purpose. trying to figure out what was going on and what to do about it.

for me at least, the internet did not become a HUGE thing until after 2000. from like 98 to 00 we used slow dialup shit and i was already a degenerate, looking at jooish filth and actually reading Erotic Stories. which I guess is slightly less jooish. playing doom and quake. writing ridic stories of me finding a Nice GF and having a traditional monog longterm rel at age 15 hahahaha. see, my main goal was not degenerate.

http://rateyourmusic.com/customchart?page=1&chart_type=top&type=album&year=1990s&genre_include=1&include_child_genres=1&genres=Metal&include_child_genres_chk=1&include=both&origin_countries=&limit=none&countries=

hahahaha i have been looking at these goddamn RYM lists for like a month straight trying to find the perfect album to listen to

like here is the best metal (incl all subgenres) for the 90s.

http://rateyourmusic.com/customchart?page=1&chart_type=top&type=album&year=1996&genre_include=1&include_child_genres=1&genres=Metal&include_child_genres_chk=1&include=both&origin_countries=&limit=none&countries=

you can also put in an exact year like 1996 hahahahahaha

also i wanted to say that listening to the daily shoah for the first time in a while (well i did listen when fatherland jim guest hosted a few weeks ago), is that i must remind myself not to forget how powerful mike enoch is. i mean he is really smart and just says the most interesting, smartest, most awesome things. i guess its easy to forget because his voice is ridiculous and he sounds like seth roganblatt. but the things he says are just amazing. here he is doing a 80 hour work week, hasn’t had time to read the news or do anything but work his tech job, and he comes onto TDS and is pretty high energy and very very solid and convincing in the things he was saying, just having very very good conversations where he is contributing most of the quality.

not to crap on seventh son or special guest millennial woes, but yeah this is enoch’s show and he is very very good at what he does. needs to trim down the number of people so he can dominate the conversation any more. him, SS, and MW would have been ideal.

heh i saw my confirmation email for applying to a part time job, and thought OH NO THATS THE FASTEST REJECTION EMAIL EVER!! and then laughed when i realized it was just the CONFIRMATION email that they had received my application. awesome job though hahahahaha. 30 hours a week, 15 dollars an hour, right when i have officially announced that 13 dollars is my new goal, that 15 is out of my league hehehehe.

ITS OFFICIAL. MY PRICE HAS OFFICIALLY GONE DOWN TO 13 DOLLARS AN HOUR. THAT IS MY WORTH AS A HUMAN BEING. hahahaha. no silly, that’s just my worth to the MARKET of human beings!!!!!

at the gas station today I saw a white man arguing pretty rudely with the poor clerk making 9 hourly. i couldnt see the clerk because they were in this little glass booth. it was one of those gas stations that doesnt even have an inside, and the cashier is in a tiny booth/shack. there was a huge line behind this white guy who….i couldnt tell what was going on. it sounded like he was getting charged 36 dollars when he disputed it and thought he should be charged 26, and he wasn’t gonna pay a penny more. he was maybe early 30s and had a stupid mohawk like haircut and tattoos all over his arms. good job. i really hope the clerk was not white, but even if they WERE nonwhite, they didn’t deserve this kinda treatment, and I was a bit ashamed that a fellow white man could be such a dickhead to a poor miserable gas station clerk. Whites are supposed to be Polite Customers. its blacks and arabs who are Asshole Customers.

I thought about going up to the clerk and apologizing hahahahaha. well, not apologizing, but sorry you had to go through that. I know you weren’t trying to do anything wrong. he was way out of line. he’s an asshole.

go get your manager. uhhhh the managers not here today. i’m not sure when he will be back. i can’t do anything for you. well then call the manager right now. i want to talk to him right now. uhhhh he doesnt give employees his phone number. well who do you call if its an emergency? meanwhile there is a huge line of people who just want to prepay for their gas. i avoided all this because i paid at the pump with a card hahahahaha.

mike enoch does not get all super intellectual either. he just gives real talk, absolutely no bullshit, no jerking off. he says like and dude a lot but unlike with most people who say these words a lot, it does not make him sound unintelligent. he is real good at talking to people and just great verbal intelligence on this goy hahahaha. this is the guy you want talking for you. real convincing salesman. but not in a bullshit dishonest way. he needs to quit his job and spend all his time talking and networking and meeting with people. he is a real good people person and communicator.

i wonder what the hell he did before TRS. I guess he had a big libertarian phase and did a lot of 4chan. dont quote me.

listened to the first 2 songs of the agalloch album, they were pretty good. decent production. a blast beat would be nice. also the black metal vocals are pretty unimpressive and really dont seem to fit. something a bit deeper, or alternately, a DSBM or old burzumy scream would be better. the corny clean vocals are better.

uhhh seems to be plenty of “melodic doom” in the vein of old katatonia going on, that i wasnt really expecting, but i guess i’m not surprised, and i am not disappointed either.

overall, very melodic, very very, not super opethy unless you think of an alternate opeth where they continued in the vein of their first two albums…….which is not a problem for me!

but now i have a damn melodic doom katatoniaish song stuck in my head and I don’t know what it is!!!!!!!!!

it has a catchy mournful weeping guitar melody.

it is pretty brave murder day ish, but i dont think its from that album.

it could be from the first october tide album, but i dont think so.

and i’m not sure what else it could be.

sept 2

you know i think it might be beneath the rain or whatever that doom band from portugal with the guy from morgion singing.  on their second main album.

before the rain?

YASSSS there is is, aroun 20:23, actually that motif is all throughout this song “shards” and it repeats a lot, but i was particularly thinking of the higher octave guitar going into the “weeping” range hahahaha.

FOUND IT!!!!

yeah the album is a little long but it has a great production and great style and is pretty underrated and i only found it because i am a big morgion fan.

fooking rate your music lists really interferon with muh job search hahahaha.

fook working for a living like an honorable white man. i am just gonna become a black ingra hahahaha.

yeah i dont want to pedestalize That Woman too much. it’s VERY GOOD to remember I have been Decent Friends with, I have been CLOSE TO OTHER WOMEN before. she doesnt STAND ALONE. I had at least two pretty good female friends where we were decent friends for like approx 2 years. talking freely, being comfortable with each other.

yeah i never fell in LUV with them but thats NOT THE POINT. well, yes and no. yeah that was the one thing that differentiated that woman.

but i never want to lose sight of the fact that i have gotten close and friendly with OTHER women. NOT JUST HER.

rejection email THREE MONTHS after applying for job. the spreadsheet did not even exist until 2 months ago.

entry level position at big well known company, great job, but 95% of its postings are for Senior Level Engineers.

ANYWAY. when you fall in LUV with a woman you FEEL closer to them. it’s a fantasy, its all in your head, but i don’t like describing it like that, thats misleading. because it’s VERY real for YOU. YOU ACTUALLY ARE very close to THEM……………………………but THEY are not nearly as close to YOU. by saying its all in your head, it mocks the realness, truth and beauty of your Luv. so, I wont do that.

like when i fell in luv with women i didnt even KNOW. OF COURSHE i FELT close to them, even though I didn’t even KNOW them!

the DIFFERENCE this time, was I fell in luv with someone I ACTUALLY KNEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and still, apparently, I didn’t know them well enough!

but yeah i MUST NOT think of myself as some WEIRDO CREEPER ALIEN who CANT get along with women, because I have become close friends with OTHER WOMEN THAN JUST HER.

I just never fell in LUV with any of them, so thats why That Woman was such a big deal.

went to jcpenney and found some great nike revolution 3 running shoes. but they did not have the size in the color i wanted.

so then i went to zappos and ordered the size for about the same price. i hate the idea of ordering SHOES online, but technically i HAD already tried on a pair of the same style of shoe, just a diff COLOR. and i wasnt gonna back down here.

interestingly enough, i was aiming to replace a pair of Revolution 2 which i had bought 2 years ago and are now falling apart and completely worn out. i guess i am a Nike Revolution man. so I should look for the Revolution 4 in 2 more years.

man those one year at a time charts on rym are great. i can see all the albums I was enjoying at the time, ANDDDDDDD see all the ones from that time period that I missed. there was a ton of good stuff in those years that i missed because i was a teen listening to groove metal hahahaha. no i liked half good stuff too, some black metal. i have been a black metal fan for TWENTY YEARS hahahahahahahahahaha. well, maybe 19.

just tell these antiwhite k1kes in interviews that ive been spending the last 14 months looking at black metal charts on RYM hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha but i havent been smokin any MJ ya k1kes!

not that you should be PROUD about smokin MJ. its for degenerates. its INHERENTLY DEGENERATE.

its TERRIBLE that I still want to do it. that I still want to do it WITH HER. goddam degenerate DEVILS CABBAGE.

if anyone speaks glowing of MJ, publicly humiliate them! and then go smoke it privately hahahhaha.

i really hate successful people who make like 30k a year who say i can smoke MJ and I’m a successful productive member of society! I’m happy with my life and my job and I am a successful family man! and I make 30k a year!

comment sections of news articles on legalizing mj and all these pro-legalization types saying shit like that.

well i am pro legalization too, but more of the “conservative libertarian” way, rather than Have Big Govt Regulate and Tax Tax Tax it! but let each city decriminalize it.

i mean I just imagine all the tax money being wasted anyway, like the 200 million in tax revenue colorado got from MJ. it will just be wasted on public skools in black ghettos hahahaha where the money wont do any good. or paying teacher administrator pensions hahahahahaha.

it wont go to fix shitty roads, it wont go to more police and ems in black crime ghettos, or blight cleanup, or anything useful like that. thats where your MJ tax money will go. just like alcohol and tobacco tax money.

so yeah dont tax it. save the money to build up MJ production companies hahahaha. or even small time MJ producers in the cities where it is legal.

well companies are STILL gonna drug test for jobs anyway, that practice has not changed even in colorado, in fact its probably gotten even more prevalent! cuz now theres more lazy ingrish potheads out there who would make terrible workers hahahaha.

i am being partially facetious since i always try to work my hardest even if i am using MJ afterwards.

but maybe i am just a shitty worker but i think i am a good worker.

i mean shit, i can’t handle the bare minimum at muh old job! my best was worse than their worst! hahahahaha.

NO, that’s not entirely true. for a good long while I was good and getting better. establishing a reputation for excellence. might have even been promoted in 2 more years, hahahahaha, for a company that never promotes from within!

(i of course dont want to work for a company that doesnt promote from within hahahaha)

because hiring outsiders for upper level jobs is a YUGGGGEEEEE red flag of a shitty horrible company. run dont walk.

applied for great job at Dream Employer University, but its 36k. when my skills are only worth 26k hahahaha. isnt it a waste of 25 minutes to apply for this?

i found another one that pays 15 an hour. much better. but still out of my league hahaha.

in fact the jobs that pay 13 an hour, aka 26k a year…..dont usually even list their pay. they just say nothing.

so i guess the lesson is, always apply for the jobs that dont list a number, because that number is probably low enough to be closer to your actual worth.

but still. why not just list the god damn pay for ALL jobs, from 10 dollar an hour to 40 dollars an hour jobs, so people that think the pay is too low, wont even apply.

unless they are trying to overreach and get people who would normally be “too good” to apply????

well that’s not what I do, i apply for 12 and 11 dollar an hour jobs if they seem chill/easy or I like the company.

anyway the 15 an hour job would be GREAT. like 5 miles away, full time office job, for satellite campus of bigass university that probably takes average care of its employees with 401k, health care, and at least 13 an hour wage hahahaha. 9 to 5 hours, weekends off, the works. real solid family man stuff. no joke.

 

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HONESTY ISNT THE BEST POLICY, ITS THE ONLY POLICY

may 15

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. have interview with post office people tomorrow. they say bring the social security card. so weird to have interview tehnically after a drug test and ss card. i thought drug test and ss card means you got the job. also I thought all jobs do 14 interviews. but i guess that costs too much.

just know that everything is done to cut costs….but at the ground level, you will see how these top-down changes are incompetent, and will end up costing more money. so you will say i thought these k1kes wanted to SAVE money. they do. they are just incompetent at it. so when this plan backfires, as it is already doing, they will just have to lay people off to really save money. like you hahahaha.

makes you want to get an mba so you be one of those k1ke managers hahahaha.

and they dont even all have mba’s!!!!!!!!!!! the director of your department does not have an mba!!!!!!!

the only place for non top tier mba’s in your company, is at level 1, answering phones like you hahaha. thats what an mba at capella online u gets you. same job as 20 year old community college dropouts hahahahaha.

heh. i like when you see the same jobs posted again like 1 or 2 months later, and you applied the first time, and nothing happened. its maybe a shitty job with high turnover so that they are always hiring people, and will hire anyone with a pulse…..but they still didnt invite you to take a pre interview assessment test hahaha.

and women dont get the slightest bit nervous when new men stick their new dicks up their baby maker. with a big new strange sweaty man pressing his sweaty hairy stinky body against them, yet they dont know a damn thing about him. a week ago you had no idea who this guy is. now you’re willfully letting him do this….very willingly. you LOVE it! what can you say about someone who LOVES degeneracy?

i dont mind peopel touching me……..if i know them! if I dont know them, then yes I do mind!

i just want to find a woman who feels the same way. and doesnt let everybody Touch her in this very Special Way.

i mean, two naked bodies pressed against each other, genitals inside of genitals, it boggles my mind how ANYONE could NOT think this is inherently intimate!!!!!!! yes so many people just dont care! its as intimate as a handshake!

how fooked up are YOU to think that the life creation process with naked bodies pressed together and genitals inside of genitals is no more intimate than a mere handshake?

how can ANYONE think that way?

why are most women like this?

well, j00s of course hahahaha. creating a mainstream culture where sex is nothign but sexy fun. but more importantly, how can I find a woman who isnt like this?

i think i might be exagerating again. a classic cognitive distortion used by despairers, which convinces themselves that things are worse than they actually are.  you convince yourself that things are abjectly horrible. absolutely disgusting. absolutely degenerate. when theyre just a LITTLE degenerate. you see that and run with it. take the ball and rush for 99 yards, to use a football metaphor hahaha.

so in other words, all women arent really THAT bad.

heck even SHE is not that bad.

i am just very emotional because of the grief and the way she dumped me. and then i get very emotional. but even she isnt that bad, treating sex as casually as a handshake.

my distorted mind has a tendency to exagerate, especially on horrible things.

so….i had terrible judgment then. how am i supposed to make good decisions? when good decisions are the foundation of a good life. you need to make good decisions all day long at your grueling job. jobs are 10 hours a day of making tough decisions. correctly.

i think the technical name for that distorion is overgeneralizing, mixed with Magnifying. that is my thing. taking the worst element, and saying that represents the whole category. so, think of the top 1% worst sluttiness women are capable of, and then say 100% of women are like that.

say 100% of women are as bad as the worst 1% of women.

or blacks, or j00s, or muslims hahahahahaha.

anyway. if your thought processes are so screwed up that you have made yourself an emotional basket case….how are you supposed to make the good decisions you need to make to be able to Hold Down A Job?

well when it comes to doing problems and such, i can get a high gpa in skool, get a’s in classes, and actually get good quality marks on muh job scorecard. I just do horribly with women. and to be fair, that’s at least halfway on them and not just me.

i was willing to handle things well, but they werent hahaha.

well that being said, i was not perfect either.

ok the other day while at fatclub i listened to the first 2 nile albums in a row basically. tried to visualize big fat jolly karl sanders. it helped but even back then the drums were too clicky and i just wanted to stop them and say AYO HOL UP guyz. you dont need to cram a new riff in here. its OK to have a NORMAL part in your songs. you should have MOAR NORMAL parts. i am SURE this stuff is fun as hell to PLAY, but it takes too much EFFORT to listen to.  your best songs are the ones that are actual songs instead of a dumptruck full of crazy riffs piled on top of each other. i appreciate that you are not sloppy at all…..but why should you be sloppy? its a conscious choice to make ridiculously technical, fast music. 300 bpm riffs in weird 5, 7, 9, 13 time. jagged changes everywhere. you just cant tell whats going on. need a more song-oriented approach like “festivals of atonement.” SONG ORIENTED not dumptrucks of crazy technical riff oriented. we arent talking catchy riffs here. well ok there are a few catchy riffs. there needs to be moar though. you can still have extreme parts. i appreciate extreme parts. no one luves fast blast beats moar than i.

like there is a big difference between dave brubeck doing things in weird times like 5 or 9 or whatever the fook. they are still catchy. the stuff is catchy and you dont realize the time signature is even “weird.”

is this why i “GAVE UP ON” nile? I let ol uncle karl down???????

well uncle karl is gonna continue having a great time playing incomprehensible riffs whether or not I am listening hahaha. I would like him to try to write like a straightforward metal album like iron maiden or something. write normal songs and normal riffs. you can still have an egyptian flavor and have some weird parts. just a better balance of extreme stuff to normal stuff.

but he is a very likable guy, I will never deny that.

also I would like their albums to be closer to 30 minutes than 60 minutes. short albums are best albums.

can we get a combination of nile with type o negative hahahaha.

once upon a time, I sought a combination of burzum and tom waits. oh how very ECLECTIC.  like a real portland hipster f4ggot.

oh sheeeeit managed to apply for 3 jobs on a sunday without even thinking about it. i have reached THAT level and I am very happy and grateful that I have. 2 for a large well known electronic company that has a division in the neighborhood, 1 for the county. the elctronics company is the one that reposted many positions and completely ignored me from about 6 weeks ago.

yeah i am convinced that, as degenerate as MJ is, it would help me get through this stage of PROLONGED GRIEF. I mean its not like I’ve AVOIDED it. its like chronic pain that serves no purpose any more but to cause me pain. i’ve learned all I could from it, and now I just want it to end, but its not ending.

always have some cash on you that you could use to buy MJ from somebody hahaha. be like hay heres $20, think you can get me something Indica like northern lights or afghan kush next time you go to the dispensary? its gotta be indica tho. I know it’s confusing but just trust me, I’m an expert. a Subject Matter Expert hahaha.

McGill University. “Cannabis: Potent Anti-depressant In Low Doses, Worsens Depression At High Doses.” ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 24 October 2007. <www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/10/071023183937.htm>.

that feel when you read breakup articles on psych today then find that you are the same age as the phd author, and you went to college with them, and they became a successful phd from stanford, and are now a postdoc researcher and writing Luv Advice PhD blogs on psych today dot com hahahahaha. am I allowed to say if this gurl was a huge slut or not? probably not allowed to say. I will say she was smokin hot in her undergrad days. i never really talked to her. maybe I felt she was out of my league. also she was a J. at that time I had a huge J fetish and wanted to bone her hard. I dont think I ever talked to her.

well nice to see she is very successful and now advising people on relationships with her phd hahaha. it would have been nice to bang her hot young body tho. in her small photo she just looks like an average attractive 30 year career professional woman. when she was 20 she was smokin hawt hahaha. well. as much as i hate saying that about a J. she didnt look super J’ish tho.

anyway its just funny now. 5 years ago I would have CARED more and gotten more BUTTHURT about it, like I COULDA BEEN A PHD TOO!!!!!!!! I COULDA BEEN A CONTENDER!!!!! i am just as smart as Jooish Wimmin but they are getting PHDs and outperforming the hell out of me because I am a lazy loser bla bla bla.

now Im just like I dont care. I dont want anything to do with marxist Jooz and middle class phds. she is probably very good at breaking her boifranz balls, emasculating them like a preying mantis. theres no bitch worse than a j00ish bitch hahahahahaha.

although if she came to me and bent over and begged PLEASE FOOK ME IN THE ASS I would gladly oblige her!

of course I would do the same with THAT WOMAN too.

i could bitch about her having grief for people that she has lost, and 8, 10 years later, she is still mourning them to I might say an unhealthy degree. but I would never judge someone for that. I would say, its ok to miss this person, but 10 years? really? how about you talk to me and i will be your shrink. death is just a part of life baby and they are in a better place, and they would want you to move on with your life, take the help I’m offerng you hahaha.

i wouldnt say, thats weird, youre weird for not getting over this, I’m dumping you.

because I totally understand how it can take Too Long to get over someone. how Grief can last Too Long.

thing is, she doesnt DESERVE this grief. its not like she died tragically, at a time when we both Luved each other.

anyway, she was very important to me, so she leaves a VOID, so I GRIEVE heavily. so I have to fill that void somehow until the pain fades away in a few years. I have been trying to fill it with Exercise and writing, and that helps, but I still need moar. its not enough. and I think MJ would be another helpful tool. thats all. MJ, exercise, and writing. And ideally Working.

so yeah. when grief is lasting too long, try to fill the void with: copious exercise, MJ, work, and hopefully you have some good friends that you can spend some real quality time with.

these stupid stoners. i mean they have 3 or more different groups with 3 different petitions. if they just had 1 petition, and 1 group behind it, then there would be no question of getting enough signatures. i think the biggest one will get enough signatures anyway, but the other groups should have backed out MONTHS ago and directed people to the one group. we can all agree that legal MJ is the goal. its not like who do you want for pres. its not like trump vs hillary.

but since im not an expert, i dont know the best practices. but these stupid stoners do. i fookin doubt it.

your shot in the dark is better than the expert’s best practices hahahaha.

fook experts. they were just in the right time at the right place. they played politics well enough to survive longer than a year.

but i guess you could learn great life skills like bullshitting and passing the buck from them.

well i am like the mechanic at the car shop i talked to recently:

HONESTY ISNT THE BEST POLICY, ITS THE ONLY POLICY.

i mean on the job, when you have to make serious decisions. little white lies are ok for the sake of kindness and politeness. but on the job, just tell people, i dont know, nobody knows, yeah that sucks, it is what it is. i dont know what to tell ya, and no you cant talk to my manager. i wish he WOULD talk to you, but he’s a dishonest coward hahahaha. you’re working with a company full of dishonest cowards who want to screw you. except me. I’m on your side. but I can’t help you. and my company sure as hell doesnt want to. my advice? find a better company. and if you do, call me and tell me about them so I can try to get a job there. this company SUCKS. they dont give a shit about you. they just want to take your money and run. they will not back it up with reliable, good service. they will leave you in the lurch just like a damn woman.

maybe my phd college classmate can write an article for psych today abotu why women are so unreliable and leave people in the LURCH so much. she’s a PHD in leaving people in the lurch im sure. well not her Faculty Advisers but the men in her life. OK now I am bordering on slander hahaha. I deleted the link to her article. do not want to DOX muh self! oy vey!!

but yeah its not unheard of that I will read a damn news article and run across the names of people I went to high achiever college with. some of which are now Senior Editors at stupid magazines that then might get quoted in larger magazines; or Senior Organizers with bla bla nonprofit; or blabla postdoc researcher phd at harvard authoring blabla study. i mean these people are ridiculously successful. I had no idea people could even BE this successful. i had to go to middle class j00niversity just to learn these levels of success even existed. phd at harvard basically.

no i did not go to harvard but the better performers from my school did phds at harvard or other ridic schools like stanford, yale, MIT. top skools. top kek hahahaha. kekekekekekek.

it took me a long time to get over all that status anxiety hahahaha. (de botton). you might think I still have it because I make butthurt jokes about it. but Im really not butthurt any more. about THAT. hahaha. I am plenty butthurt about other, more recent things.  i couldnt give a shit if some J00ish cvnt I vaguely knew over 10 years ago is a successful phd. who the fook reads psychology today anyway.  get in the NY Slimes bitch hahahaha otherwise no one cares. not only was all that obvious and unsurprisingly, it honestly just doesnt matter.

i’ll tell ya what does matter, is this huge void of grief in my life hahahaha. so its not FAIR that I fell in luv with her and ruined the friendship. FINE. its not FAIR she left me in such a mean way.

honestly there was very little she COULD do. i mean its not her responsibility to emotionally support me after dumping me. the dumper HELPING the dumpee through the dumping. nope. well i think they SHOULD, because they are the one causing you this pain, but we all know its just not POSSIBLE for them to support you, cuz you would just want to have them back. so the best they can do is say SORRY, and show some remorse for the pain they are causing you. it doesnt sound like a lot, but when you don’t get it, you see how much it matters.

ok have to do 1000 calkories at fatclub.