june 15

had a dream with the PREVIOUS woman, woman 2012. where i was making out with her and getting ready to STICK IT IN, and she was like oh yeah stick it inme hahahaha she was very ready and willing. now she was not a slutty or secsual gurl at all, almost asexual. but i liked that she could be horny for me hehe. of course in real life she had no such interest in me. she was always nice to me and even hung out with me on occasion but we never became super close friends. i was always way more interested than she was but she was too nice and inexperienced to say say yeah i just dont want to hang out as much as you do.

well eventually she figured it out and was mature and courageous enough to say something and i said yep yeah you figured me out, i like u, aw shucks. and that was the end of that. but i appreciated that she was open and communicative and mature about it, so there was no real hard feelings there.

i would MUCH rather have a secsy dream with HER than ANY sort of dream with THAT WOMAN! hahaha.

aw sheeeeit. meeting with stupid tech recruiter, my least favorite kind of people, in 2 days. I am doing it just to keep practicing interviews, and i will be sure to tell him NO CALL CENTERS. TELL HIM NO CALL CENTERS.

and then he’ll say aw shucks thats too bad, cuz all i have are call centers, as far as the eye can see.

” Not only will this person take the role of a BA, but also a System Analyst where they are creating and taking requirements, asking questions, deep diving into each requirement to understand the landscape & suggest alternatives. This is NOT a role for someone who is not comfortable working on their own. This is a non-hand holding role!!  ”


DEEP DIVING. understand the landscape. NON HAND HOLDING ROLE hahahahaha.

figure it out on your own, moron, or youre fired.

is the average american even smart and clever enough to do this? dont most people do shitty in school? how can they think on their feet where basically everything is a tough trick question? how can average proles do this? this is challenging even for average white people!

but it was fun making out with woman 2012 in the dream. she was receptive to me there, but not in the way that suggests she’s that way with tons of men.

oh dear it looks like the latest fatherland is gonna bitch about me dnating one fecking quarter hahahaha. yeah well wait till they see that I upgraded it to 2 fecking quarters. EVERY MONTH.

whatsamatter normie, your too good for neet money hahahahaha.

the host jim does like to BITCH a lot hahahaha but he’s still a good guy. I know he means well. hey you almost were a neet at one time too, GUY.  this fookin guy. go work in a call center for your family hahahaha. see if you can still do your white dadcast then. see if your wife wont abandon you because youre a nervous wreck hahaha. then you can become a neet like your brother.

got a call from a black woman at the nursing home where i applied for HR assistant. talk to them TOMORROW heh.

human resources assistant at the nursing home. where old white people go to die under the watch of NAM’s hahahaha.

well black women luv me in general. they might want to hire me as their pet white boy. and then dump shit on me hahaha.

did i mention this indian tech recruiter just called me as well. i have gotten 3 unsolicited calls today. i think it is because i recently updated my res and was active on both careerbuilder and monster.

heh. just scheduled an Interview for tomorrow and i dont even care. not even nervous.

i sent them the packet i think.

and a 4th unsolicited call from a gd tech recruiter hahahaha. fookin assholes.

fook tech, fook anything computer related, the end.  basically, if you want to talk to a tech person on the phone, you will be guaranteed that they dont know what theyre doing. nobody knows what theyre doing because the whole field is a clusterfook. the only people that do know what they are doing are like startup founders, maybe.

you dont need to train people when you can just hire good bullshitters!

these fooking RECRUITERS! its gotta be that careerbuilder and or monster. so weird i get these indian guys calling ME to try to sell me into a tech call center job hahahaha.

how are these people Finding Talent? why can’t BIG COMPANIES like XEROX do their own Talent Recruitment? They get some indian working for SilverXis Tech Recruiting to find people as quickly as possible to fill the Xerox call center. IT just confuses the HELL out of me.

i guarantee you these recruiters aren’t finding better people than the companies do.


maybe they DO find better people.

i can’t believe its because the recruiters can afford to buy access to Careerbuilder’s Secret Leads. If Bumfook Tech Recruiters of cleveland can afford access to Careerbuilder, then so can xerox. so can bla bla Expanding Growing Insurance Company. It just all sounds Fishy As Fook to me. there is SOMETHING I dont know, and I am too low to EVER know.

stupid b on viceland “states of undress” calling these russians HOMOPHOBES. they’re not AFRAID of gays, they probably dont even HATE gays, so much as  they just dont want to CELEBRATE gayness 24/7, and if you dont want to do that, then youre a homophobe. or you dont want your kids teachers to be Gay Activists.

of course you should be homeschooling your kids!

how degenerate IS the average gay? I met a few gays that weren’t that degenerate. but a lot of gays ARE degenerate or just straight up crazy. bipolar and shit. worse than WOMEN. i dont want to be encouraging these people. heh i want to ENCOURAGE them to keep it in the closet.

or how about be gay, just don’t be (overly) degenerate about it. Get married to your first secs partner and stay monogamous for life. dont rack up thousands of ay secs partners. strive for a LOW NUMBER.


Oh wow, crush on a friend, that can be rough. I had a similar situation recently and it did not end well! I eventually had to tell the person because…well, it’s complicated of course haha. I was giving pretty obvious signals and they were giving kind of obvious signals back that they were not interested in me in that way, and they just wanted me to forget about it. Of course I could not forget about it and I kept pushing them to talk to me about it, so we could have at least one big conversation about it, each of us say what we want to say, and try to move past it. I felt a great desire to talk, however she did not want to talk at all, and the friendship/relationship ended right there, with her refusing to talk to me whatsoever. I was pushy and awkward and weird, but I still feel resentful for her not talking to me. I never understood how painful the silent treatment was until I experienced this!

So to try to apply that amusing anecdote to your situation, haha. My first question is, are you showing your friend any kind of signals? For me, when I get feelings for somebody, it’s impossible to hide it. So do you think your friend knows about your feelings?

If they do, are they willing to talk about it? It will probably be a very awkward, nerve-wracking, uncomfortable conversation, but I strongly believe its one of those uncomfortable conversations that shouldn’t be avoided.

Basically I swore to myself that I would never let this happen to me again, and if I ever got feelings for a friend again, and they were acting kinda ambivalently to me, I would “blurt it out” and just tell them directly. They probably already have an idea, but they might be trying to avoid talking about it, because it’s an uncomfortable conversation. For me though, the conversation was absolutely necessary. For them, it wasn’t. Maybe you can think about how necessary such a conversation would be to you. Some people are fine just having nonverbal signals, but me personally, I need the awkward conversation to tell the whole truth with words. Your personal preferences might be different! 🙂

However I think it’s great when two people can talk about their feelings and their relationship like adults without avoiding each other, and just dealing with issues openly and honestly.

I can definitely understand your feelings, all too well!! And I would definitely feel horrible if my crush was not interested in me, but they WERE interested in some other mutual friend, like it sounds like is the case with you. I would personally limit my interaction with both people, cuz just to see or talk to them would be very painful, I would be constantly reminded of how they did not want to be with me.

When I get a crush, it’s usually pretty serious, hahaha. It’s pretty much full-blown true love that leaves me devastated and heartbroken, and I want to save you some of that pain in the future!

So I would think about having a honest conversation with your friend sooner rather than later, and see what they say and how they feel. But please understand I am not a professional.

Good luck and feel free to share more information or stories! 🙂


young gurl has a crush on her male friend. or it could be another gurl, who knows. but crush on a friend, that is my wheelhouse tottally.

june 16

had interview for back office, human resources, payroll job with the nursing home. the nursing home has middling reviews because they dope up the seniors and leave them to die hahaha. i mean nursing homes are sad places period, its inherent, the only people that like the nursing homes are the rich jooish nursing homes.

all i cared about was that the people I talked to were nice, and they WERE. thank god. the black girl at the front desk was nice. everyone was black hahahaha. well there was a white woman administrator and a black woman administrator that i had the interview with. they were both all right. I did ok and it was probably my least autistic interview. and with less than 24 hours notice!

I sent them thank you note already. They seemed to like me. no really hard questions. I am like a politician anyway, I don’t actually answer the stupid questions they are asking anyway hahaha.

anyway I am not so much on the fence here like i am with the damn post office. if the nursing home calls me back, i will take the job for sure. it’s really close to home, like insanely. its a days schedule. no split shifts, no midnights.

i saw some old people who were not in great shape. but i would rather look at suffering dying old people, a memento mori if you will, hahaha, rather than answer calls all day and not know what to do.

i guess it could get problematic when dealing with employee contracts, ie the unionized nurses and such in the nursing home, and me having to udnerstand god damn union contracts. hey not my problem, talk to your steward hahahahahahahaha. its possible I could be in a union too. which is probably good. that means i cant be fired right hahahahaha.

not that I’m a union man by any means, boss! These fookin layabout and commies are gonna put us ALL out of jobs!

You know me boss, I am NOT a union man what so ever!

but yeah i felt pretty good, pretty CONFIDENT, after I got done. that was a GREAT feeling I hadn’t felt in a WHILE. Just straight up Confidence. Is THAT what NORMIES feel ALL THE TIME? its like being on DRUGS!!!!!!!

I wish I could feel that every day, or every other day at least.

commenter sez quote:

While I agree that these vile instincts are present in man kind (and in this instance namely women).
I still can’t help but cast harsh blame on the group who causes our people to turn towards such degeneracy.
Simply knowing that we are better than this, and knowing how far our people have fallen enrages me.
It’s amazing how people act around me, I’m quite vocal on my positiion of white superiority, when I come across downtrodden whites, or cross paths with white degenerates I know (one way or another) they always seem to straighten up around me, this is because I tell them every time I see them that they are white and that we are expected to hold ourselves to the highest standards.
When they see me they act white.
It is my firm belief that all whites – even our most j00 mind warped ones; know deep down that they are superior and that they are better than the current person they were caused to be.
One only needs to them; and be amazed how quickly whites clean up their act.
We need to get our message out into the world, whites need to hear that they are better than any role this current shit filled world has to offer them.

end quote

on zerohedge article about “soft prostitution” ie college gurls selling their bodies to pay for college. anyway I am totally with this guy, i favorited his comment hahaha. and pasted it here.

not super relavent to the days news (orlando, and now a leftist mp in UK assassinated by a brexit right winger yikes), but ALWAYS relevent to my own interest in da wimmin.

had a dream last night where i was on a long bus that was more like a train. i went to the front of the bus and who was driving it but STEFAN MOLYNEUX. I was like oh wow I actually know who you are (everyone else on the bus was people I knew IRL and probably they have no idea who he is.) And I was like welp you and me are gonna have a talk. because molyneux is just my vending machine for stimulating conversations hahaha and will talk to me about interesting stuff at my beck and call hahaha.

but yeah there is possibly a lot of symbolism here. stefan molyneux is driving the bus of my life hahahaha.

i more or less enjoy stefan and I especially like how he has been gradually moving alt-rightward and i liked the stupid meme that says he wrote “culture of critique”, and I like this picture:


but I am concerned about him being 25-50% jooish hehehehehe. also sometimes he seems like a woman-hater, and he has huge mommy and daddy issues, but I do like some of his call-in “therapy” conversations. BUT I don’t like his defoo bullshit. But I think he is open to change, and some of the changes he’s made recently are promising. and he’s definitely an interesting guy. better to listen to him than watch talmudvision hahaha. wish I could have sat around and watched molyneux with muh female friend. oh we could cuddle together and listen to TRS podcasts and watch millennial woes and have meaningful sacred relationshipsecs with each other……

yesterday i had some woman-hating thoughts, i thought, its RIDICULOUS. women are like EVIL, MOUSTACHE-TWIRLING COMIC BOOK VILLAINS.  Like just pure evil in every way. Then I figured that’s too comical. they are evil in a dark, satanic, horrifying way, kind of similar to da j00s. blaspheming the holy. making the sacred profane and the profane sacred. TOTAL MORAL INVERSION.

like secs to me is a huge deal, its like a religious experience, ive only done it a few times and it has changed my life. it feels very intimate and special to me. but women treat it like NOTHING. like taking a DUMP. just a bodily function, no big deal.

they treat peoples HEARTS, treat PEOPLE, and relationships, like expendable, worthless, replaceable, interchangeable things. callously dump some guy, break his heart, just don’t care, and be FOOKING a new guy within a few days. its sinful and evil to a HORRIFYING degree, I can’t even COMPREHEND it. this is how evil they are.

they are capable of deception, lies, and murder in the highest degree! they murder their babies which grow inside them! they lie to people for years! they can do a 180 on you at any time! past niceness is no indicator that they wont do a total 180 on you and disappear forever, or cheat on you with 600000 guys!

so yeah its like someone who is evil in every way, just pure evil embodied, incapable of good, like satan, that’s how evil EVEN NICE SEEMING women are!!!!!!!

kind of like j00s. da joos are by far my least favorite race. i just think they are evil. they take everything good and holy and pervert it and ruin it. they are not merely annoying, but they represent a moral and spiritual threat. As a moral man, da joos are my ENEMY because their morality is a total inversion, desecration of my morality. the satan comparison is very apt.

and it seems like women are very j00ified in this regard, and thats sad and infuriating and sad. our women are better than this….. but da joo is very good at corrupting our women. making our women evil and disgusting like THEM.

basically women are DEGENERATE, like the J’s. DEGENERATE in the way they have secs, the degenerate fake pseudo “relationships” they have which make a DEGENERATE MOCKERY of human relationships, human dignity. these degenerates have no dignity, they spit in the face of dignity and Goodness, the same way Da Joos want to boil Jesus Christ Alive in a cauldron of Shit and Piss and Jizz. its disgusting and pure evil. you don’t treat people like this. it’s not overt like beating the shit out of somebody, and in a way, beating the shit out of somebody is BETTER. kinder. less evil. the evil these women do is basically Emotional TORTURE. and you have to be a sick j00ish SADIST to TORTURE people!!!!!! like god damn j00 eli roth making “TORTURE PORN” movies.


moreso than these eli roth films, the term torture porn would better describe the sick, twisted relationshits these women have. torturous because its painful and horrifying and nightmarish. porn because it’s a sick degenerate mockery of secs and luv – making the sacred profane and making a mockery of the dignity of human life. 

i guess after being abandoned and used as a cvm dumpster, the women are gonna try to ruin men the same way they feel ruined. there is this mutiilation album called “remains of a lost, dead, cursed, ruined soul” or something hahahaha and that is how I view women. and that is what they want to turn the people they meet into.  lost dead cursed ruined souls

what else. talk to this recruiter tomorrow morning, gotta get up early and go thru traffic. damn.

got an email from “the mutual friend”, ie the person who was friends with both me and That Woman, and That Woman and I used to meet up with this mutual friend and chit chat together. I am still on good terms with the mutual friend, well, emailing them back and forth. I told them the whole sad story and thankfully did not overwhlem them with those long emails, because the mutual friend is touching base with me again. and i have not blubbered any sadguy shit about that woman. I won’t mention that woman again unless the mutual friend asks.

I think That Woman is avoiding the mutual friend as well. I think the mutual friend might have appreciated a long email from That Woman, like I sent long emails to the mutual friend. but good luck getting that woman to TALK TO YOU. The best you’ll get is a damn text saying “hope your doing good lol yes of course well hang out soon <3”

and thats the best your* gonna get! and if you want her to ACTUALLY hang out, then your* being pushy hahahaha.

also I wanted to say, I’ve been listening to moar goatwh0re and IM SORRY all the mean things I said about their singer ben.

I’m SORRY if I said anything bad about their “new” drummer as of “a haunting curse” because he is a very very good drummer. he’s just different than the first drummer, who I grew up with.

that is, I recently brought “a huanting curse” back out and thoroughly enjoyed it. that was the album where I started losing track of the band. But I really shouldn’t have. Its a good album and I enjoy it now more than I did when it came out in 2006/7.

so now the time is right for me to try the 3 albums which came AFTER that!

But I will say about ben: another pet peeve I have is that hes in there TOO MUCH. cramming every beat of every song with damn lyrics.

these eyes bleed as they watch this desecreation of this abominable abortion upon this eve of the sadistic moon whereupon these grave-vermin reflect these perversions towards these smoldering oblivions of this constricted defiling crumbling this decay.

I mean you could write a PROGRAM to write these lyrics, JUST SAYIN hahahaha.

but SOME of the lyrics are good.

And Bens voice is good too. I can’t fault him for being TOO ambitious, can I???!?!?!?!

He is a very commanding singer, so he is ALWAYS singing. writing a 6000000 page BOOK of lyrics for every song. IMHO this is not necessary, and it ultimately distracts from sammy’s guitar. Ben is technically good, but he’s just TOO MUCH. Ben is good but Sammy is better. His stream of catchy, evil riffs is so satisfying that you sometimes just want to say SHUT UP BEN just so you can hear more of sammys riffs hehehehehe. He was dfeinitely influential on my own attempts at songwriting. One of my fav metal guitarists for SURE. an excellent metal songwriter. ANd BLATHERIN BEN just gets in the way of it. I would take Ben aside and give him Constructive Criticism in the form of a feedback sandwich: You’ve got a great voice and a lot of good lyrics, you just need to take a breather once in a while. LESS IS MORE BEN. LESS IS MORE. And stop saying this so much. let sammy sing more and let sammy write more lyrics and let sammy proofread your lyrics and just be quiet and let sammy’s riffs be heard. Don’t you think Sammy  is an Outstanding Riffmaster? Don’t you just want to sit back and admire Sammy’s awesome riffs? so do we ben, so do we.  but we appreciate everything you’ve done. you’re a decent guy and I even had your PARALYSIS album on TAPE. Why don’t you bring back those cookie monster vocals sometimes too? but don’t cram the song with them from beginning to end. try not to sing for more than 70% of the songs duration. not every riff needs vocals on top of it.  LESS IS MORE.

thats what i would say to him.

and on a haunting curse sammys sweet riffs are on full display, but this album was where it became harder for me to fully appreciate them because of ol blathering ben yak yak yaking away.

it is also possible sammy’s awesome riff ratio went down there, but I’d rather not think that.

ok i gotta do a powerwalk here.

anyway all that hateful stuff i was saying about women……that is part of muh cognitive distortions. women arent really THAT bad, and not all women are THAT bad. even the worst women arent AS bad as satanic j00ish monsters hahahaha. which isnt to say women cannot get poisoned by satanic j00ish monsters!

i mean theres not a j00 within 10 miles of here but they still poison us through the televitz and the media and cultcha in general!

cuz its not like young women are watching hours of tv a day. but they are texting away on shitty torture porn pseudo relationshits all day hahahaha.

but yeah not all women are even satanic horrible demons. even she isnt. although what she did a demon would have no problem doing. heck she probably does feel bad about it! well maybe she felt bad about it for a week and then GOT OVER IT hahahaha.

i mean look the mutual friend who sends me nice email. SHE is a woman! and shes very nice, and STILL nice to me! of course she is a 55 year old woman and I am not in LUV with her!

but yeah its always hard to get through the end of a rel, and a broken heart, especially when you are the one whose heart was broken and you didnt want the rel to end AND it ended in a bad way. like that phaggy song says, when a heart breaks it dont break even hahaahhahahaha. meaning her heart didnt break at all.

bitcoin is SOARING TO THE MOON. I don’t have much left, I have been selling it back for ZOGbux hahaha. I sold 60$ of it at once, but I didn’t think it would CONTINUE soaring as high as it has. I thought it would start doing some bearish shit by now.

is it because china is buying up tons of btc right now? i dunno.

should I not be selling? well i have already sold 85% of muh coinz.

ok better go to bed, get up early and talk to the recruiter. at least this is a white guy and not a damn indian hahaha. tell him no call centers. tell him i got a 60% chance at getting a Day Shift, Weekends Off job less than 5 miles from my home. No Call Center. BEAT THAT, PHAGGOT hahahahaha.  although I really have more like a 0.0000000000000000001% chance of getting that job hahaha.  damn shabbos goy slave to da jooz.




yeah people being undertrained for their jobs, beign confused and overwhelmed all the time, being scared to ask for help because that proves youre not getting it fast enough and are stupid, smart people shamed into believing they are stupid, the most help you get is someone pointing to a 10000000000000000000 page book and them saying “read and understand. try harder.”

i say FOOK IT. just do a half ass job, say i read the documentation and used my resources and did not want to steal time/money from senior employees, so, this is how i decided it should be done. i cant be wasting peoples time or my own 900000000000000 times during a project saying is this right? is this right? is this right? every time i do something. the company will lose money.

so i was rejected because i was a BETA? well, not even a beta but an omega? i get periods of weakness and vulnerability sometimes. i guess lesson learned is hide that shit like a Deep Dark Secret when dealing with women, even women you think you can trust. becuase you can never trust women hahaahahah. or just because you trusted them in the past doesnt mean you can trust them now.

i have been reading matt forney ever since the early days when he was in mala fide / ferdinand bardamu. he might have been the second or third guy i found after roissy / heartiste. when the hell was this? 2008? 2007 even? a long time ago. the Movement has been shifting, growing over the past 7-8 years. it started out as anti feminism because we could see feminism had ruined women and we were angry were couldnt get any women cuz we were beta men and the modern sluts hated beta men. hahahaha. but then we gradually saw the bigger picture, feminism was just one part of leftism / marxism, women are not the enemy, marxists are the enemy, the LEFT is the enemy. theyve ruined Our Women, theyve ruined Our Country, theyve ruined Our Race hahahahaha. and now its all coming together in a beautiful way.

but i havent read forney regularly in years. but i might start listening to him. some of his writing seems a little woman hating hahahhaha. but he is a great writer. but i can never tell when he is being serious or trolling. and writing is ridiculous. i think talking is better. he sounds more down to earth and normal and trustworthy when he talks. i might start listening to his Podcast.

heh. i liked having a woman in my life to remind me that Not All Women Are Like That, ie annoying pieces of shit who i dont want in my life, destructive value suckers. depreciators. make life worse not better. yet in the end she just made my life worse and i wish i had neer met her. we had really good times but the bad times outweighed that. i wish i never met her. only if i had BANGED her maybe would i be able to look back and say “that SUCKED and im glad shes gone, but i cant say i wish i never met her, because im glad i banged her.” i cant even say that! and All Women Give Up Bangs Easily! just not to us beta creeper Thirsty Scum hahahaha.

thirsty what a stupid word. only women can come up with words this stupid. i don’t like them. i dont like the way they TALK, i dont like the way they ACT. I do not like women. I’d be foolish TO like women, given my experiences with them! there’s not enough TO like! and too much to dislike!

so while i dont really want to be a “woman HATER”, i dont mind saying i do not like women, fook no i dont. why the FOOK would I? the cons have way outweighed the pros. they have disappointed me time and again.

i told her. i told her i was an MRA and a MGTOW and that basically i was an anti-feminist and i didnt like feminists and i didnt particularly like women either! so i was honest about who i was. well we really never had a super long meaty talk about that sort of stuff. we didnt have enough long talks period, especially at the end. she just wasnt willing to. i would have talked about thsi shit all day. i wasnt cool or manly enough to get an audience with her though. fine fook her then. i used to be cool enough to get an audience though. i can deal with being Never Liked. Its harder for me dealing with being DOWNGRADED. to be liked, and then move down to being not liked.

writing can be very unhealthy. youre just sitting there by yourself alone, alone with your thoughts, and your thoughts can be very unhealthy. with talking, its easier to be more optimistic i guess is what im trying to say. partially because talking, you can keep better pace with your thoughts, compared to writing.  and also you can consciously put on a Happy Voice and Smile Into The Phone so you can move your Thoughts down a more optimistic, more healthy path.

well, i am speaking from the perspective of lazy Despairing Losers who have trouble getting and keeping Momentum. Forney does not appear to have this problem. he has had a 10000000000 jobs. i respect this but at the same time i envy such a “normalfag.” kinda like stefan molyneux as well.

even a fat bald shitbag like forney has gotten more pvssy than me, because hes not afraid to talk to gurls.

i used to read another blogger who was a great writer but god damn did he hate forney. he was so angry and petty and hateful that i stopped reading him! and obviously forney rose above that, he now makes a living as a writer/blogger/internet personality, was able to quit his job, is basically self-employed, and im sure is far less butthurt about this guy, than this guy is still butthurt abotu forney.

when i am not heartbroken and or in the depths of despair, this is the type of stuff i read hahahaha. “alt right” or “new right” or “neoreaction” or all that.


was it worth it? was it worth being such a bitch and throwing me away? you’re better than this. at least you USED to be better than this. its so disappointing to see you change for the worse. we could have been good together. but not the person you are becoming. its sad. you are not just throwing me away, you’re throwing yourself away too. all of this has made me very sad but theres nothing i can do about it but let you go. you wont listen to reason and you arent willing to listen to me or talk to me at all. you arent willing to try to do anything to end this on a good note. i will never know exactly why.

i blamed myself completely for pushing you to this. i dont have great boundaries so i always blame myself completely for anythign that goes wrong in a relationship. which is why this “nuclear bomb” ending is especially hurtful to me. most normal people would take it as a sign the dumper is not worth their time, anyone that would do that to you doesnt deserve to be in your life, forget about that completely unreasonable person. but i automatically blamed myself and immediately threw myself at your feet begging for forgiveness for what I did, for forcing you to do this, me begging for forgiveness, apologizing over and over and over again for being pushy.

well if anything im sorry to myself that i did that. if anythign i deserved an apology from you. i became angry that you would let our realtionship DIE without even lifting a finger, without even saying some mournful words of respect for the good thing that once existed.

you were completely unreasonable and this leaves me with a very unfavorable view of you.

i know you are a better person and are capable of so much better. you treat other people better than you treat me. well thats because i was SO HORRIBLE to you you might say. i argue i wasnt so HORRIBLE to deserve this. being thrown away like this is horrible. i will never make sense of this. the only thing i can do is just hope time eventually heals this wound for me.  its getting better but i still want to contact you.

but im tired of BEGGING. im tired of doing all the work. im tired of this being so one sided. not much is clear about this but what is clear is that you dont want to have anything to do to me. if you change your mind, then its on you to contact me for once. not that i think this will happen.

there are many free articles on the internet on how to dump or break up or end a relationship with somebody in a good way. all of them say to do it in person and to let the other person have their say.


shit. this whole shit is so fookin stoopid. why couldnt she just TALK TO ME. that would have been SO EASY. hang out with me ONCE IN TEN MONTHS, i say listen i like you, i know its a bad time, she would say omg lol idk, idk if i like u, idk weird, ur 2 thirsty, i just want to be friends, and i would say ok then, well i cant be jsut friends, so please just tell me we had a good friendship before and you wish me well, and well put an end to this in a dignified way.

well THEN what. then id still have to deal with her in the office being nice and talking and hanging out with other people in plain view of me.

so thats my fookin problem right.

yeah technically it is.

ok so its my problem but it legitimately SUCKS, you cant deny that. when you get rejected by someone then you see that person all day at a very shitty job. you would be going nuts too.

but i might have been able to make it to layoff IF the ending was more amicable. and then i could have just never returned in july. and have had like 5 extra months of my life back. and it probably would have ended a little better. and rather having to then say i “quit a job because of personal issues”, i could just say that i wasnt called back in a timely manner and i was looking for new jobs in my layoff period. rather than returning FROM layoff and then QUITTING cuz shit sucked so bad.

also what if i just took some valium whenever i had to see her? wouldnt that make it easier?

well not every day, i would never take valium every day, but every other day yes. 3 work days a week and then MJ on nights and weekends hahahahah.

google how to say no to a customer

we would have to say no to callers all the time and it was nerve wracking for me because i am a people pleaser becuase i get nervous when people get angry

well its easy to lose confidence or fumble your words if you dont know if the thing can even be done or not! and you are thrown to the wolves with inadequate training, where you have like 2 weeks of training at best with about 10 chapters of complicated new material to learn every day!

funny, i didnt start Studying At Home until later in the game. i should have started off Studying at home RIGHT AWAY, during training. but nobody suggested it, and it took me a while to think of it on my own.

well i dont think anyone else studied at home. but i was one of the most nervous high strung, unerconfident people there. i was just able to fake confidence and chillness pretty well. which does bode well for my future employment. or banging bitches.

but yeah even reading “customer service tips” like the above links would have helped me.

also just go ahead and lie and make mistakes until somebody tells you dont do that. in one of your weekly 5 minutes coaching meetings. then say oops sorry i didnt realize that but i will definitely never do that again. and then make another post it note or flashcard and honestly never do it again.

it was funny. i had 10 times the training for my previous job, which was more than 10 times easier. we also had pretty extensive Customer Service workshops there, althought the cust service aspect was 10000000000000000000 times more important in the next job.

how to say no to customers.

how to deal in situations where you dont know the answer and it would take you 2 hours of FLAILING to Research and Work Out the answer, but you have 20 minutes to resolve the call.  and you dont want to sound like an idiot to the caller, like an idiot who doesnt know what youre doing. that was my biggest peeve.

built muh 2.00 max buying up to 4.54. I HAVE DOUBLED UP. thru winning 2 good pots. i never do this. now i gotta stick around to avoid looking like a HIT N RUNNER. not sure the min amount of time to do that.

also how to deny a caller who wants to speak to a supervisor. well you simply cant do that. the supervisor doesnt want to speak to them!

it would be different if there was a policy where you could transfer them to The Supervisor Queue but they kept this shit SECRET. there were so many queues, 30% of them were dead and disused, and ALL of them had mysterious names that you had no idea what they were, and there was no documentation as to what they were.

one of them essentially did go to tier 2, but it took me at least 5 months to learn that. also that you needed permission to transfer to that queue. so then i would ask in the Advice Chat Room, caller is asking for a sup, may i transfer to “queue name” please? and they would not say yes regularly but i showed i Was In The Know. there was tier 1 agents which showed initiative to learn The Secret Wisdom, and those that didnt. so i proved myself as a smart kid. but it was hard won, i dont know how i lasted in the beginnig. part of it was because my female friend supported me in the beginning.

once i started liking her, she stopped the support. now i had made other friends by then so i got my support from them, but this was just another way she rejected me and it pained me. also i really was smarter and a better worker than her. she didnt study on her off time. she didnt Think Like A Tier 2. she just acted like a dumb robot cow and said sorry cant be fixed even when it could be fixed.

i pushed myself to think like a tier 2, and the tier 2 and management respected that, and realized i wasnt an idiot.

it was wrong of them to treat tier 1 like idiots and not train them properly, so i will never defend them in doing that.

but it was good to have their respect too, since it made my life easier and less of a constant living hell.

and i am angry about having to give up those SICK GAINS i made, really big achivements, because i was going mental over some girl dumping me.

so stupid.

anyway matt forney advises young men to go into the trades, and #2 choice, maybe try north dakota, but thats on a downswing right now as the price of oil is going down. also you will have to live in your car because housing is too expensive and low supply. but he made 17 DAH in a temp job holding a damn FLAG for 10 hours a day and said it was BORING as shit. i thought of this as my dream job.

i could never ever say i was BORED at muh job. i was always nervous abotu fooking something up or sounding liek an idiot. and i just wanted a damn break from talking on the phone.

i finally got it after 12 months of work, moved to a nonphone project, but right when i was, i went batshit over the girl. god damn.

google how to tell a customer they cant speak to the manager


so what do you do when the manager says “NOPE LOL” because all the tier 2s are busy on other cases right now, the best you can do is escalate with the “customer requests higher level of support” article and they can get a callback within 3 business days, which will often result in a missed call, left voicemail not even leaving the Special Tier 2 Number, then sending them an email saying “you need to do this this and this” or “what your asking cant be done please call the tier 1 help line back if any questions” with no fooking suggestions as to an alternative, or its clear t2 misundertood completely, and when they call t1 back, t1 is not gonna know either. not because theyre STUPID, as t2 thought us, but because there was so much stupid shit to know, it was an ocean of confusing half-knowledge, and we had to navigate it ourselves, not even sure if were doing it right, until some t2 message us and scolds us for doing it wrong. well becuase the issue and the damn documented “solution” was UNCLEAR AS FOOK.

but documentation of any kind is a luxury right?

not in Technical Support, I’d argue. we need the documentation to do our damn jobs and to answer questions and fix shit where 1 minute ago, we had no idea what the person was TALKING about!!!!!!

then yes you DO need documentation or a knowledge base! OR people who can advise you clearly and quickly!

instead we got a half baked but spaghettish knowledge base, and rude and slow and unclear t2 Advice Givers who were useless. as we scrambled like CRABS IN A BUCKET in the Advice Chat Room barking out questions, steps taken, and they gave monsyllabic responses that were like wtf htf can i even USE this? i cant TELL THEM THIS!!!!!!!

so then do you waste 5 more minutes asking them, could you rephrase that in a way i could explain to the caller, you BULLSHIT it yourself.

i advise you to never ever work in a technical support call center hahahaha. well it built character and built my resume but god damn i cant go back to that. i got all the damn utility out of it i could. i lasted a damn year and ultimately it was a woman that pushed me out. i would have lasted at least 6 more months if she werent there hahahaha.

maybe 3 more months if we had just talked things out. i mean come on we work together we dont want things to get weird. and fook did they get weird as fook.

heh. i wonder if i hadnt quit, if she would have talked to me eventually.

or if i would have done something ridiculous. i probably would have gotten mad at her, then she would never talk to me again, and then i would be the bad guy cuz i got mad at her. she was bound and determined to make me the bad guy. and i dont like that cuz i am prone to make myself the bad guy anyway. i dont need any outside assistance.

anyway. real abusers dont WORRY if they are being abusive.

real woman haters dont WORRY they are becoming a woman hater.

i dont LIKE women though and i am very fine with that. i just dont want to be A Woman Hater, automatically hating all women.

well why would you LIKE ANYONE automatically? thats stupid.

women just signal their unlikeability much more immediately than men. cuz they spread their legs and play russian roulette with their womb so easily! have a reckless disregard for Human Life in a way that men just dont.

im not perfect and i am working to improve myself. but its hard and long. long hard road out of hell.

women could improve a lot in my eyes just by shutting their damn legs. HOW HARD IS THAT? WAIT TO HAVE SECS WITH A GUY. MAKE HIM WAIT. MAKE YOURSELF WAIT. never have secs with a guy before knowing him for at least 6 months. respect the power of your womb to create HUMAN LIFE. simply never have secs outside of a committed, monogamous, long term relationship.

Good Decent Traditional women already abide by this. that is the kind of woman i want. i thought i found one. and she was kind of traditional in the fact that she wasnt a fast, easy, high number whore.

but she still dumped me and she did it in the worst possible way, that a virtuous woman really should know better.




i just wish you hadnt taken the easy way out, it really hurt my feelings. i wish you had shown more empathy and realized that dumping me this way was going to really hurt me, whereas dumping me in a more friendly way would spare me a lot of pain. i thought you cared about me more than that. you used to. when someone cares for you and stops caring for you, it hurts a lot. i dont think you were “faking it” earlier either, i think you really did care for me.

i know i was weak and pushy and annoying, and i know that lots of women simply cannot care for a man like that, but i thought you could remember what we had. that you had known me and wouldnt want to hurt me excessively. but this just feels like getting my heart ripped out by someone i thought i knew and trusted. it really hurt to see you change so much. to go from being a warm nice caring person, one of my favorite people, to someone cold and distant and uncaring and even mean to me. that was just too much for me to take. i appreciated your niceness to me, i liked it, and it built me up, made me feel good and happy. when you stopped being nice to me, i was crushed and devastated.

and i really dont think what i did was bad enough to justify this. either me beign pushy, or me getting feelings for you. neither one of those was bad or abusive or horrible enough to justify being cut loose like dead weight, like somebody you never knew.

at the same time, i am the type of guy who always wants to blame myself. what did i do wrong? how did i push you to do this? i was definitely pushy. so i caused this. i ruined my own life. if i had just acted differently, this would have been all different. i am filled with doubt and questions and self blame and guilt, like i just made the biggest mistake of my life, but im not sure exactly what mistake it was.

but deep down i know that its not 100% my fault. but its hard to shake that feeling. and when you end it this way, by dumping me completely with no communication, that increases the feeling like it was 100% my fault, that i alone could have changed this.

but thats really not the way relationships work. each person has rights and responsibilities. each person “controls” 50% of the relationship, has a 50% share in it. i made mistakes but i think you made mistakes to. i am more than willing to admit to my mistakes and to apologize for them. it does not seem you are willing to do the same. it is like you are trying to make me the bad guy, and that hurts me a lot, because i am the type of guy who would believe that. i can very easily believe that I was the bad guy, that it was 100% my fault.

I think in an abusive relationship there can be a bad guy and a good guy. many times the abuser will try to blame the abused for the abuse, and this is never ever right. (“See what you made me do!  I wouldnt have to do this if you would just behave! dont make me beat you! this is your fault! it hurts me when you make me hurt you!” etc).

so part of me thinks i was that bad guy. but another part of me thinks that the problems were more split between us, and the way we communicated with each other. we communicated very well on many issues, but on several important issues, both of us avoided communication.

for example, our feelings towards each other. neither of us were eager to talk about that openly.

that changed when i got feelings for you. then i was much more willing. i wanted to talk about it then. thats why i was always bugging you to hang out. can you understand how that type of conversation is better had in person rather than thru email, text, or phone?

i legit thought we were gonna hang out and i was gonna tell you about these feelings. i fully expected all that to be done by like october or november. but our hangout just kept getting postponed. i felt like you never wanted to hang out. i would ask you to hang out and you would avoid it. this became a pattern and then many months had gone by with no hangout.

tension was definitely starting to build and i should have just said what i needed to say. so that was my mistake. instead i kept pushing you to hang out. i know you told me to back off and i did try to back off. but after a while i couldnt back off any more. i needed to talk about this.

i am the type of person who needs to get my point across with words and not with signals alone. i was trying to give signals, but i needed to make sure you understood exactly what i was feeling. and for that i needed words, i needed talking and verbal communication.

relationships end, its just a fact of life. sometimes both people want it to end. but in situations where just one person wants to end it, and the other person doesn’t, it gets complicated. its a fact of life the person who wants to stay in, is gonna get hurt. there is no way around that. but the person who wants to end it, can make an attempt to spare the persons feelings during this hard time. i really dont think i was such a horrible person. i think i deserved having you attempt to spare my feelings even just a little.

i know you are going through some tough times with family. i hope things get better or you at least stay strong. i wanted to support you through these times but maybe you dont want my support. that is up to you. just realize that when you reject me it will hurt my feelings. i just thought you would care more about not hurting me. that is what empathy and friendship is all about. you might not completely understand the person, but try not to hurt them. do no harm. treat people as you would like to be treated.

you have gotten thrown away like garbage by people you cared for. abandoned, cut off. i know that broke your heart and made you feel horrible. please dont do that to me. you of all people know how horrible it feels. you are a better person than that, a kinder person. and if you do need to abandon somebody harshly, dont do it to a friend you knew for 2 years. its a bit more acceptable to do this when you dont know the person. but you know me and i know you. it feels like a piece of my heart has been ripped out when you removed me from your life like this. how could i go from beng a good friend to being a piece of trash? i annoyed you and was not a great communicator. does that really make me a horrible person?

i was begging you for mercy. its strange. cuz you used to be merciful to me, and i would never have to beg for it! but this is the time i needed it most of all.

im sorry about your family troubles. but i just wish you hadnt cut me off the way you did. that we could not even have one conversation about it, or that you could not write even one email. its not like we had 10 arguments and got nowhere. i dont know, maybe thats what would have happened. but maybe not. its real shitty that something so good had to end in such a bad way. a great 2 year friendship thrown away without even ONE conversation. that hurts me a LOT. couldnt we have one conversation? couldnt you respond to one email? how could you hate me so much just from being annoying? couldnt you see me as a person behind it all? couldnt you just write me an email?

relationships end, thats a fact of life. but theres a good way and a bad way to do it. this was not a good way to do it. you could have spared me a lot of pain; and left with good karma; and have me remember you a lot better. there was a lot of disappointment and hurt feelings here that didn’t have to be that way.

this hurts me so much because we used to be close once. i hadnt been that close to a woman in years. that helped me build feelings for you. and now all that is gone. even if it hadnt help build my feelings, it was still a very meaningful and important friendship to me, and i am very sad that it ended this way. i wish we could have talked abotu the end of the friendship rather than have me trying to talk and you refusing to respond.

yeah i guess theres nothing that NEEDS to be said, and the situation speaks for itself. you dont want to be part of this any more, and you dont need to say anything, just walk away. well that is somewhat true, but i think the polite and kind and decent thing to do is acknowledge the friendship was good while it lasted, and that you dont hate me as a person. i dont believe ive done anything worth hating. temporary annoyance, sure, but not long term hate.

i was a doormat and i apologized too much and didnt stand up for myself. i should have told you how much it bothered me when you distanced yourself from me.

again i know noone likes a weak man, but i wasnt just some random pathetic weakling. we knew each other for years. do women really hate weakness this much? I can understand that women naturally dislike weakness but this just seems like too much. so in your mind i’d already thrown the friendship away, so you no longer had the responsibility to treat me like a friend?


////////////End Letter portion

it has been 84 days since the horrendous shitstorm and i feel…..not as bad as i have, thank GOD. even though i did not sleep too bad.

FLASHCARD: why did she do it? how could she do it?


three simple words. because it was EASIER than the alternative of telling me. it was EASIER. this is…understandable in the sense that it makes sense that humans take the easy way out, path of least resistance….even though it may be cowardly, avoidant, shitty, and not the right thing to do. they do it anyway because its easier for them. period. or to avoid stress and anxiety. shit. i have avoided and procrastinated a lot for that very reason.

i just thought the strength of our friendship would convince her to not take the easy way out. that she would remember the good times we had in the past.

because she has some tendencies to get stuck in the past. seemingly “hung up” on some people who have died, in very obvious ways. cant seem to get closure there or let them go.

but she can sure as shit let ME go like i never existed, yet overly grieve for dead people every day?

yep. yeppers.

to the point where you cant even write an EMAIL or a TEXT? i GET that talking is hard and not easy. but sending a damn text is easy as shit, you dont have to face the person!

well….have you ever wrote an important email and then agonized over pressing the send button? i have! emails to her! maybe she did write me emails but just couldnt send it.

also when you are overwhelmed by stress you cant even do simple things.

like in the thick of it, i would wake up in the middle of the night, my mind racing about my STUPID JOB, thinking, well where does this come from? what causes this? in terms of the stupid technical shit. who can fix this? what bullshit line do i say here? and then i would just begin asking retarded questions, like:

how do i tie my shoes? i dont know.

who was the first president? i dont know.

what state do i live in? i dont know.

what year is it? i dont know.

what do you do if you went to bed on wednesday and when you woke up it was monday? can that happen?

what color is the sky?

what if the color blue was really the color orange?

in addition to the ridiculous work-related questions AND the ridiculous woman-related questions. questions and anxieties keeping me up at 3 4 am when i had to get up and do a ridiculous 8 hour shift of being bombarded, overwhelmed, and confused; AND get weird standoffish cold behavior from My Favorite Special Person; actively breaking my heart on the job throughout the day.

nope! couldnt do it any more!

it reached a head when she blatantly stopped talking to me at all. then she unfriended me sometime shortly after. then i hit the fan and sent her emails and confessed my luv for her. then she blocked me.

she had gone from being a nice favorite person to a cold person i could not stand seeing or being around.

well that transformation did not happen overnight. she was being cold for months, but refusing to talk to me kicked it up a notch, to a level i could no longer tolerate, crossed muh boundary in a very aggressive way hahahaha.

but yeah. she has been abandoned by living people too.  and she is pretty good at abandoning living people as well. yet she fixates on the dead you can never bring back.

i guess she is crazy and fooked up! well i figured ALL WOMEN are CRAZY in SOME WAY, its just can you handle it, can you tolerate it. i thought well, i’m just OVERJOYED shes not a huge slut. many women, their crazyness causes them to become huge sluts and ice cold demons.

well she was not a huge slut! and she was very nice to me! woohoo!

but then she became cold as ice and that sucked. still not a slut though.

but at this point she might as well be a huge slut because she has dumped me, removed herself from my life entirely, it is over, and i dont know her any more. this makes me sad as fook and makes her happy. but she can be a huge dirty whore and it doesnt matter any more.

i was not adding value to her life, she was adding shittons of value to my life.

she was worth a lot more to me than i was to her. damn.

of course this is killer to your confidence!

thats why it helps if they can dump you in a nice way. cuz otherwise you do feel rejected Entirely As A Human Being. it is hard for anyone, even harder for neet loser r9k virgin betas like us with low confidence for years!!!!!!

stefan molyneux says stop being a victim! “she seemed like such a nice gurl until one day she turned around and did bal bla bla”. well she did seem like such a nice gurl! she didnt really give huge warning signs!  i was on the lookout! i didnt let her into the Circle of Trust until i had known her for 2 years! and i didnt fall in luv with her till then too!

and i do feel like kind of a victim! i feel blindsided! bamboozled! and we determined that there was nothing i could do that would stop this. i mean i cant CONTROL and dominate people! stefan is also big on win win relationships, that many of us are sadly accustomed to win lose relationships, where its essentially dominance and submission, win and lose, constant anxiety and stress. but we can make them win win by…….. communicating i guess hahahaha. i forget the key how to have win win rels. communication prob is a good thing tho.

anyway people who play the victim take no responsibility for their actions, so they make the same mistakes over and over and over again.

well i take responsibility for my mistake, namely, not communicating sooner and better. i think i have gotten better at the communication in my rels with wimmin. havent gotten many chances though.

the mistake ive been repeating is, i get feelings for women who DONT HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME. one sided bullshit EVERY TIME.

but on the other hand, i dont think i can force myself not to like somebody.

i mean theyre not abusive monsters, they might even be nice decent people…..they just dont return my feelings.

but you like who you like. it would be a problem if i liked abusive monster women!

i guess what ive learned is, dont keep the feelings bottled up. even if you work with the person.

woman2012 was interesting because i was much less good of “Friends” with her than w15. i hung out with w12 once every like 4 months. but i was never bitter at her because of “distance.” we were just never really close thats all.

but with w15 i was a LOT closer to her! we hung out a decent amount before i even liked her! we were very friendly with each other! she was sharing secrets! i should have shared more secrets? or should i have? point is, i was MUCH closer and MUCH better friends with her than w12!

so i wonder why didnt i go fookin CRAZY over w12? i mean i really liked her.

i guess i liked w15 EVEN MORE. and i think that was from that closeness.

then she started pulling away. i told her in muh xmas card to her “we have been friends for a while, and i appreciate you more with each year. you are very special to me and i hope we can get even closer in the new year.” which is definitely a kind of signal. then she started backing off. and wanted me to back off.

completely different situation with w12. so i guess i am not repeating the same situation. actually the situations have been damn different. other than me liking women who dont like me.  but they start off friendly to me!

what do you do if you are in luv with a gurl who has NEVER ever been your friend or never ever hangs out with you?

big trouble hhehehe.

it wasnt just that w15 didnt want to hang out with me ever. it’s that in the PAST, she DID hang out with me semi regularly……THEN SHE STOPPED.

we connected once over a decent period of time. as opposed to a gurl youre infatuated with but NEVER EVER connect with, not even once. nope. was not the case here!

i guess if you have feelings for a gurl and want to let her know……just let her damn know. at least for me thats what i learned about my self. some people are satisfied with signals. like yeah, she OBVIOUSLY doesnt like me, otherwise she would be interested in hanging out with me, and wouldnt be in luv with other guys.

yeah i mean shit. its REALLY pathetic to be all in luv with a gurl YOU DONT EVEN EVER HANG OUT WITH. i guess woman2003 was like that. that sucked too. i mean we hung out in a group but i was never cool enough to hang out one on one with her. that sucks!

but with woman2015 i hung out with her one on one more than any other woman! it was like we were damn official friends! because we WERE for a while! thats why this one hurt the most. cuz i lost the most. i came the CLOSEST.

well i keep getting CLOSE i guess thats a good thing. hahahaha.

in the sense that i bring the feelz to the woman and say here it is, take it or leave it, and they leave it hahahaha. as opposed to being a True Orbiter like i was with woman2003.

so yeah i was Actually Close to woman15. hadnt been that close to a woman in years. so of COURSE it hurt when that was taken away suddenly in the meanest way possible!

decent women who grow up in decent families receive guidance from their parents in the nicest way to Reject A Boy. Decadent Sluts just throw people away like garbage.

but i shouldnt take advice from stefan molyneux because hes NOTORIOUS for running a CULT!!!!!!! separate people form their friends and family and take their money! narcissist and in luv with the sound of his own voice! guiding impressionable youth down the wrong path! never having good relationships with anyone ever yet preaching abotu how to have good rels! when he clearly hates women too! and his rel with his wife is not healthy either! he’s abandoned his whole family! he does not have REAL FRIENDS from school or work or life! he only has inner circle donators to his cult and as soon as they disagree with him, he Defoos from them! shuns them! he’s a shunner and an abandoner! he probably Dominates his wife and poor baby daughter! his daughter is gonna be SO fooked up!!!!!

a TERRIBLE role model in other words! dont listen to this guy for LIFE ADVICE!!!!!

i dunno the stuff i hear form him isnt too bad. if he were ever to say something horrible i would just ignore it. but do i agree with him because i am a narcissistic sociopath maniac too????

got muh 8.6 miles in for the day hahaaha. this is how you lose half a pound a week hahahaha.

yeah so i let myself get walked on. i should have stood up for myself. the second shit started bothering i should have said “THIS IS NOT OK. THIS ENDS NOW. WE NEED TO TALK NOW.”

and said i know you are having issues but i cant tolerate being put out in the cold like this. also, i have feelings for you. tell me any thing you wanted to tell me. and if you need to reject my feelings, try to be nice about it.

so yeah this all adds up to her losing ALL respect for me, for me being a Weak Beta. Doormat. then they lose all respect for you and throw you away like garbage. even if you had been friends for 2 years. this is how much women HATE weakness and weak men. heh. its just not worth it pretending to be STRONG all the time hahahaha.

also i think she is attracted to badbois who are gonna dump her. well she was with this guy for 4 years but he was kinda a badboi, much moreso than me!!!! and the next guy was even moreso. i mean he cheated on her!

but she did dump him for cheating on her, rather than continue to desperately run after the badboi. but perhaps she continued to be in luv with him. well why didnt she get back together with him? shit maybe she DID. but i dont think she did.

so she was Emotionally Mature to want to not get back together with a guy who cheated on her. thats good eh. well it still doesnt help me any hahahaha.

i still should have Stood Up for myself though. that was a lesson i should learn.

i didnt Have The Responsibility to save 100% of the Relationship, but i DID have the Responsibility to MYSELF to say I Do Not Think This Is OK. and i was too scared to do that.

that might have not made her Luv Me, but it WOULD have prevented things from being THIS shitty. she would have talked things, maybe, or at least just cut me off right then and there, and i would have had a bit more self respect.



who asks such a stupid question?

dirty filthy cheating whores hahahahaha.


it is 82 days since i was dumped harshly hahahaha and i feel like 6,000,000 bucks hahahaha.

went for a 4.2 miler, listed to the first 55 minutes of that molyneux video linked in prev pos

well here it is again! great stuff. it is like sitting in on and listenign to a Marriage Counseling Session. young 20s man and woman in a new relationship, i thought they were dating for at least a year but no, just a few months, i was hoping it were longer because that would be more dramatic. anyway she wants to fook around, he is not in luv with the idea…..NATURALLY! WHAT MAN WOULD BE! but he is such a beta that she only agreed to be exlcusive with him for all of 2 or 3 months IF he agreed to talk about opening it up in the future.

the amount of Hamsterization on her part is disturbing but ilustrative, as is his disturbing betaness and his desperation to hold onto her. molyneux says if you had any confidence in yourself, you wouldnt stand for this! i luv you, i want to be with you, i want to commit to you, and you better want the same with me, or im gone!

also stefan touches on the important idea: can you be truly COMMITTED to more than one person? of course the woman thinks yes. she wants to have several poly committed rels. stef rightfully suggests that adding a new commitment diminishes all your previous commitments. time and energy and such.

and its like these women dont see a value in time and the long term and knowing somebody for years. if a guy has proven his virtues over 10 years, well maybe this sexy man youve known for 5 minutes has the potential to be more virtuous than him! the person youve known for years is no more important to you than they person youve known for minutes. hahahaha i know that feel. just being thrown away. doesnt matter if weve known each other for 2 years. just doesnt matter.


robinsss 1 week ago
+Edward Bernayse666

how so? [ufmll: how does cheating cause pain/harm; because people are so degenerate they cant even understand how CHEATING IS BAD!!!!!]
Reply ·

Edward Bernayse666 1 week ago [this guy is the voice of reason obviously]
+robinsss [the + means they are responding TO that person]
cheating on your spouse causes emotional and psychological pain to the one being cheated on and if they have kids together than it has an adverse effect on the kids as well.
Reply ·

robinsss 1 week ago
+Edward Bernayse666

for the third or fourth time what is the damage to the children?


in this situation it wouldn’t be cheating since he would agree to it
Show less
Reply ·

Edward Bernayse666 6 days ago
the kids grow up not understanding about commitment to their partners and end up like this lady in the video who can’t fathom why it’s wrong to have sex with other men besides with her boyfriend/husband of 10 years for one thing. you guys are blaming feminism. i blame growing up in a household where the parents cheating on each other with seemingly no guilt is what creates people who seem to cheat without a conscience. it’s bad for the overall family structure and instills a lack of guilt and shame when a little [or a LOT!!!] guilt and shame should be felt.
Reply · [they hadnt been together for 10 years but the point still stands]

robinsss 6 days ago
+Edward Bernayse666
if no one is harmed by an activity then it isn’t wrong

no is directly harmed by cheating so it isn’t wrong
Reply ·

Edward Bernayse666 6 days ago
how is nobody directly harmed?
Reply ·

robinsss 6 days ago

if you are a conservative female promiscuity is negative to you

if you are a liberal it might not be
I view it as a positive characteristic

the market is made up of both groups

do you agree?
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this is how stupid the people are! they cant even see how Cheating is bad! i thought we knew that in our Blood! well, men do. but i think the robin person is a man. but this is how the left nurtures nature out of men…..but when you fight against nature, nature fights back! for example, Fatherless r-selected Ghetto Matriarchy, and also this robin may instinctively feel jealousy when it comes time to father children.

or he might be as r-selected as the cheating “SEMEN DEMON” and say “whats the benefit of my wife having an affair? SImple, theres a Second Daddy!”

this is what the cuck in the stefan video says when stefan asks him “what benefit is there to YOU, of your wife having an affair with another man?” and this is what he actually says. and she talks about bullshit like “poly parenting”. good lord!!!!

i mean men can always run off and not take care of their children! women dont have that luxury/privilege! so you’d THINK women would be just as inclined to monogamy as men!

BUT they can always either trick a man into thinking it is his child, OR they can just find a beta who is willing to take care of another mans child, OR they can date a string of badboiz who beat and molest the child hahahaha.

anyway clearly the woman in this vidya would be the worst mother ever, letting strange men around her child. she is obviously putting her own Sexual Hedonism above the well being of her own damn child! and she knows its HER child! what does that say about your mothering potential?

another thing: why doesnt she just leave him right NOW? women never had a problem leaving me when i didnt enthusiastically consent to them Fooking other men! Oh you want to be EXCLUSIVE? well go be exclusive by YOURSELF! Im outta here!

im sure thats what happened after this video hahahaha. i mean why is she even keeping him around?

unless she is truly a sadist and LIKES to cause him pain and see him suffer. i figure even promiscuous sluts wouldnt be that SADISTIC. theyd just dump the guy and spare him the pain of watching her get with 900000 other dudes.

does cheating violate Non Aggression Principle?

i claim that it does, it is emotional/relational aggression.

Stefan makes the point that cheating is not EVIL, it doesnt mean youre an EVIL person, its not as bad as raping and killing, but it is a form of LYING to someone you made a PROMISE to, and thats kind of a shitty thing to do.

YES. VERY SHITTY hahahahaha.


letter: i just feel real hurt by being thrown away. maybe you didnt mean to do it so harshly and yeah i acknowledge i pushed you to some extent and i apologize for that. but i just dont think the punishment fit the crime. this is an extremely hurtful, painful way to end a relationship. this is not a good or healthy way to end a relationship. this makes it even harder for me to get over everything. my heart is already broken, now it is broken even more becuase i think you hate me. but i dont think i deserve to be hated that much. yeah i should have just come forward and said what was on my mind, how many times do i need to apologize for not doing that? i was honestly trying to respect your boundaries and not bug you all the time. but that still left things unresolved for me. obviously the solution was to just talk to you without hanging out.

yeah this is kind of a simple point, it doesnt take a genius to realize that you dont need to hang out to talk. i could have just called or wrote an email or told you right here. i should have. would have made it easier on the both of us. but i honestly beleived we would hang out within the next couple of weeks. i didnt think you never wanted to see me again. i didnt realize that until you stopped talking to me altogether and damn did that hurt me. why couldnt you just tell me. write me one paragraph saying i dont think this is working out, i cant do this any more.

just the feeling of being thrown away. that is what im left with and that is what hurts so bad. it would be different if we didnt know each other, or just knew each other for a few months. but we knew each other for a few years. it hurts even more when you throw away a person you were friends with for years. i think it helps to pay respects to the relationship itself, as well as the person. you didnt always hate me. i didnt want to make you hate me. any relationship takes the consent of both people at all times. once one person wants to get out of it, then its over. thats fine. i dont want to force you to be with me in any sense. you cant MAKE somebody love you, you cant MAKE somebody want to be friends with you.

I was annoying I get it. But dont punish me like THIS for being annoying. try to understand why i was being annoying. i had something very important on my mind that i wanted to talk about, and i thought we were close to talking, but then that date would get pushed back, and i got more and more anxious and worried and pushy and that caused me to be more annoying. but my intention was not to be annoying. my intent was to talk to you about my new feelings to you, and how this would affect our relationship. and it was veyr difficult to just put the entire relationship on pause while i waited months and months and months to talk. i would have happily waited one month, two months, but ten months? do you see why i was being so pushy and annoying? i just couldnt hold back what i needed to say any longer, and i exploded. i had to say it regardless of whether we were gonna hang out or not.

yes i should have done it earlier and done it differently. i never was in this situation before. i dont want to make excuses but i was very emotionally and mentally compromised. i couldnt think straight and i was anxious and overwhlemed. i know you were overwhelmed too.

so i botched things and im sorry, but i think im not 100% to blame either. i feel like i was not being met halfway. i felt i was trying to meet you more than halfway and you still wouldnt meet me there.

this would be easier to take if i had just met you and we had not been friends. but that was obviously not the case. and it sucks to have someone whose very important in your life suddenly be gone. i feel abandoned. it didnt have to be that way. we could still talk about this and try to smooth out the hard feelings and neither of us walk away angry. its fine that people have to end a friendship in situations like this. but it doesnt have to be done in such a hurtful, ugly way. please im begging you show me a little mercy and let me down easy and show respect to me, show respect to our past friendship, and act like the decent human being i know you are.

end letter portion

hahahahaha see what i mean? and i pretty much said all this in emails 1 thru 4, especially 3 and 4. i told her all this. she just never read it. deleted the emails. never responded.

and i revised them so they did not sound angry or mean or accusatory or bitter, but still said what i wanted to say.

maybe i will post a scrubbed version of email3 as well.

but yeah i like this letter writing, i think i will do a litte moar here as well.

it makes a difference when you pretend you are addressing HER speicifically. as “YOU.” TRY IT LOSERS, it really works when you are getting over some

Ben Baker 1 week ago (edited)
+Kyle Rich educate yourselves people:
Semen Demon Jizz Genie Baby Batter BringerCum Caresser Lovegoo Lass Sperm Summoner Ejaculate Empress Mayonnaise Maiden Jizz Jockey Spunk Monk Sperm Worm Sodomy Sentinel Penile Perpetrator Erection Confection Salami Tsunami Boner Condoner Fluid Druid Urethral Umpire Wang Wizard Knackers Knight Prick Pirate Dong Dominator Cock Khan Stiffy Sultan Sausage Sergeant Middle Leg Major Pole Privateer Shaft Specialist Pecker Prodigy Boner Benefactor Baloney Poney Dick Juice Masseuse Tallywhacker Smacker Man Muscle Steam Shovel Baby Batter Bladder Willy Ghillie Butt Hut Glans Fans Spooge Scrooge Ejaculate Advocate Skeet Treat Wang Wrangler Jism Prism Smegma Savant Anal Aficionado Testicular Temptress Spunk Trunk Nut Slut Cum Chum Testicle Vestibule Dick Duchess Cock Sock Testicle Tamer Cock Clairvoyant Scrotum Totem Mattress Actress Prostate Magistrate Penis Machinist
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hahaha from that same stefan vidya. synonymz for Cvm Dvmpster hahahaha

another guy says he has no spine, she has no soul.

a recipe for disaster!

4.2 milers later

finished listening to that stef vidya. i took a break on stef for awhile because he wasnt right wing enough, all about muh liberty, when really i am less of a libertarian and more of a far right conservative hahahaha. and muh liberty needs to take a backseat to muh morality and muh tradition! but its possible stef might be gradually leaning more and more right. i mean he’s a smart guy. and he def does not like Open Relationships or Cheating or Promiscuity, so thats good!

so yeah i mainly dont like his hardcore “libertarian anarchist” view and also his “defooing” ie abandon your family of origin because they are abusive in ways you cant even imagine. foo = family of origin.  and he had kind of a family destroying cult hahahahahaha,

also he is hip to hypergamy and mate value and mating market and all the tradeoffs you have to make there. evo psych and mating and what men want and what women want. has a pretty good head for that, while also encouraging healthy, loving relationships, rather than casual sex with sluts.

what if both parties agree to the open relationship?

i would argue this only happens in less than 10% of open relationship situations. i could be wrong.

not sure why i harp on this! i have never had an open rel and i never would. when muh wimmin want to get fooked by other guys, and i hem and haw in a beta way, when i SHOULD have said “fook that shit baby, im an old skool alpha male and i demand a Glorious Fair Maiden, not a dirty Gutter Slut!” and then kick them to the curb! but i hemmed and hawed like a beta and said “oooo i guess if it means i can date you sometimes sweetie dear” and then they dumped me anyway!

stefan said it was a SHIT TEST. im gonna make an OUTLANDISH DEMAND to see if you acquiesce. because that shows me how much I Am Worthy. My Pvssy is worth more than Diamonds and Gold. this guy will put up with SO MUCH SHIT just to be with me. thats how much POWER and WORTH i have.

how do you respond to this?

and i was kinda getting a shit test from The Woman.

you calmy say while reading your Investors Business Daily, that “You must HAVE ME CONFUSED with the little fuccboi down the street whose balls are the size of peas. I my dear have JUEVOS GRANDES. Massive CAJONES.”

“You must have me confused with someone who gives a damn.”

“you must have me confused with a supplicating beta niceguy.”

“you must have me confused with a Ballless Beta Bitchboi. How amusing. Now get in the kitchen and make me a sammich.”

yeah the best response to a SHIT TEST is to not get emotional, and just blow it off like a total BOSS.

not cave into the shit test and let the gurl bang other guys.

not cave in and come begging and pleading to the woman, pleasseeeeee treat me like a human beinggggggggg please respond, please dump me easier, please talk to me, please stop giving me the Silent Treatment, please dont throw me away.

of course i was getting the shit test because i was engaging her in a different way. in that male female way ive always failed at before.

yeah so women give shit tests without even knowing it. its the woman in them that makes them wanna play this game, hahahahaha

well honestly i was in no mood to get a shit test, i was going fooking crazy. and when you are going CRAZY you cant deal with shit tests!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lesson: the shit test was still going when i was not that crazy. at that time, i should have just said “I dont tolerate bullshit. I DONT TAKE SHIT. either shape up or ship out babe.”

would that have WORKED? maybe.

anyway. when a woman is giving you any kind of SHIT, thats a SHIT TEST, and you simple tell you you DONT TAKE SHIT. and then dont take it! i just sat there and took it and took it and took it like a bitch.

but i wont blame myself too much. i already blamed myself enough and i dont need to blame myself so much to learn lessons.

lesson: dont take shit EVER.

but by that time i was so fooked up i didnt even remember shit tests were a thing. i didnt even remember they were a thing until i heard stefan mention them while listening to that podcast today.

but still the shit test could have been passed if i just said “i feel abandoned and hurt when you never hang out with me. This is crossing a Boundary for me and i will not tolerate it, if you are not willing to show you care about me and muh boundaries.”

which is a faggier way of saying the same thing. i dont take shit; treat me with respect; treat me like you care about me!!!!


june 24

so stef molyneux was talking about ambition and aiming high and i never had that, no big dreams, he encourages you to dream big, he certainly does, he admitted to wanting to be the best philosopher of all time, and i laughed. he does have a bit of an ego! a “BIT”?!?!?!?!?!

but that’s his right, and it’s a good confidence builder. so i thought, well, blogging is my thing, writing at least, i’ve been writing forever, it’s what i do, thru thick and thin, i’ve always written. so why not try to be the best writer who ever wrote? make the best blog of all time? so now this blog is my lifes mission hehehehe. and i will make it the best blog of all time, written by the best blogger of all time, and help MORE people than have ever been helped by one person. i will do more good than any one person has ever done!!!!!

of course i reserve the right to switch over to Speaking, since to me, speaking is almost the same thing as writing. i am not married to writing as much as i am married to the language and the words. in fact i think speaking is BETTER than writing many times. so yeah. only reason i’m not speaking right now is because i am too afraid. but as i become the best blogger ever, i WILL probably eventually switch over to speaking for a large portion.

was watching tv (DONT EVER DO THIS!!! DESTROY YOUR TV NOW!!!!!) when i saw joel osteen speaking before yankee stadium and the whole f00king thing was filled top to bottom. for one guy speaking. i would kinda like to get to that level. now his face is very very very very very annoying but i tried to listen to how he spoke. his face was so annoying i couldn’t watch more than 2 minutes, but he was working that entire stadium pretty handily, telling a story. it was a decent story/lesson too: that though parts of our life may “stink”, we just have to use that as “fertilizer” to make ourselves even better. so when someone is an 4sshole to you, you say, THANK YOU for fertilizing me!

now i am actually kind of in an anti-god phase right now, kind of like, fook you, how dare you make us DIE before we can enjoy ourselves! that we have to suffer through our entire stupid lives and DIE before we get to the good part! That’s SOOOOO FOOKED UP!!!!!!!! I want to bang cute gurls in this life! I want to have a nice true luv waifu and five kids in this life! I want a good job in this life! to make a mark and leave a legacy in this world!!! but i don’t think god is saying we can’t. or osteen hehehe.

also i like how joyce meyer works the room. she is another good speaker. ummm are there any other good speakers who are not also huge preachers. tony robbins maybe? steven covey? wayne dyer? robert kiyosaki hehehe. suze orman. prezident barry hussein hwe hwe hwe. anyway if you can speak to a room of 90000000 people like that, that’s good confidence, and you can bang wimmin without needed to imagine you’re banging a better looking wimmin.

turning off the tv is a great life hack. i always have the tv on cuz i think it calms me down. BUT THE OPPOSITE IS TRUE. I AM MORE CALM WHEN THE TV IS OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TURN THE TV OFF NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

june 25

damn. just had a dream about girl6 of all girls. in the dream we were in a house and people were having a party and the party was winding down. i think. or maybe that was a separate dream. anyway i remember we were in a bed and sort of cuddling, but there was this guy sitting in the room talking and talking who refused to leave and give us any privacy. probably a beta orbiter who was in luv with her and wanted to give me blue balls, hahahaha. we would intensely make out whenever we got one minute of privacy, but someone would always pop back in. we had to find another room to do the Deed. eventually we did and she was already naked by the time i got in there, and took her in my arms and she was very horny and i was very horny and i remember playing with her great classic 4ss. and i remember some very heavy making out, but i do not remember actually sticking it in unfortunately.

so it was a great fun dream, but bittersweet because of girl6 in reality. still not sure what her deal was. left with a bitter taste in muh mouth. she could have well be very crazy but really she was just cold as ice. the type of gurl that would totally dump you the minute after you first bang her. and i would want to bang her at least 100 times because she was real cute. type of gurl that always disappears and has a new set of friends every few months and you really can’t trust her at all, and god only knows where she’s at, what she’s doing, who she’s doing it with. very secretive and mysterious. not trustworthy at ALL. type of girl that would be real good at hiding, lying, and cheating. assuming you could keep her around long enough to cheat on you! she would be more likely to dump you immediately. yes, your pimp hand would have to be strong with this one. you would have to be VERY masculine, alpha, and confident. I might not even be able to fake it at this time, knowing all i do about MAsculine Confidence! you’d have to be damn near perfect to keep her. and she is really not THAT good, to demand that. her price is not that high, or, i should say, her value is not high enough to justify that price. she has some nice qualities in her personality actually, but they are way outweighed by the negative.

she really knows how to make guys MAD and JEALOUS. hehehe. she could be in big trouble if she gets mixed up with the wrong guy. heh. but i don’t think she would tolerate any abusers either. which i guess is good for her…. but i think she may have a bit of SADIST in her. probably a bit of masochist as well, but more sadist. so, i dodged a bullet there, but damn she was cute and I really wanted to bang her 100 or more times, and that was born out in this dream. I first met her and fell in “luv” with her when she was like 19 or 20 and real cute. not she is like 27 and looks a lot older, hehehe. but i would still do all the same degenerate things i would do to her when she was 19. i mean i really wish i’d banged her and made videos of her body. she was definitely on the high end of the level of my raging sexual libido for any of the Girls1thru8.

as of june 2014 you DO need spotify PREMIUM in order to use the lightwieght spotify player spotiamp. damn.

anyway. girl6. real cute and I would do absolutely disgusting, degenerate things to her that I wouldn’t do with normal cute gurls. it’s too bad she never came to her senses and liked me, hehehehe. however she never blatantly rejected me. if i had better game back in the day i might have been able to pull some action from her. but it’s possible i have not seen her since 2009 or 2010! and then soon after that she moved and I haven’t seen her since. if she were to initiate contact with me with hints of sechsytime, i would allow it, but i’m not gonna lower myself to reach out to her. balls in her court hehehe. though i hear she only dates black guys, hehehehe, and that aint me, babe, no no no.


june 21

cant remember if i shared the vidya by my boy stefan molyneux and his in depth analysis of elliot rodger. molyneux is a controversial guy and i don’t always agree with him, but i respect him for being very smart, good speaker, often persuasive. also he is HUGE on analyzing childhood and human development and all that. and is obsessed with child rearing practices, how to raise and educate children, as am i. i don’t always agree with him, but he is always interesting and thoughtful.

i had to take a little break from stefan but this great vidya brought me back.

i would like to see stefan live, maybe even buy a t-shirt.

they say he is a cult, i dunno.

i like that he has a 5-year old child and hopefully he will share his parenting experience about that.

although some of his stuff borders on leftism, i guess it’s moreso anarchism, which may be inherently rightist. or, i do not mind the rightist anarchists hehehe.

and i am especially inspired by his psychological and child development stuff.

buy some edgy and reasonably priced t shirts at 7 buck tees and support a decent cause.

stefan, the bomb in the brain

stefan argues that that root of all violence starts in the home, in domestic violence, child abuse, which shapes and destroys the brain to create twisted violent adults.

he is very against spanking, his thing is “peaceful parenting” he just wrote a book on, not sure how you do it.

very interesting food for thought but it did shock me, like whoa I AM a total f00kup, my mind is permanently destroyed, i cannot possibly fix myself, it’s too late, i better k myself because if i ever become a winner, i will just be an aggro violent person who hurts and poisons others, better to keep my destruction turned inward. i am just a defect, my fam tried their best but i  was just a bad egg, or they had the best of intentions, but just did not know how to raise me into a successful adult, etc.

easier to raise a good kid than fix a broken man, etc.

i can never be fixed, my brain will always be broken, so best for me to just k myself, or be on powerful drugs all the time to minimize my mental pain, or just constantly be exercising so i can at least be in good physical shape and maybe find my success that way, at least be physically healthy because mentally healthy is out of the f00king question forever.

but he’s obviously not saying that.

but what are the bullet points for peaceful parenting. so you don’t spank your child. how do you get them not to do stupid sh1t then? a time out? maybe.

I was spanked half-heartedly like once or twice in my life, and not like the fam enjoyed doing it! but could that have warped my young mind? i refuse to blame my fam when they had such good intentions for me!

anyway. i would like to hear molyneux give a 1 hour summary of his parenting book.  hehehe.

and then i always come back to the anti-molyneux stuff. arguing that molyneux is evilly brainwashing people into thinking that their families are bad and they should cut all contact with them.

well, at the veyr least, it certainly makes me think about what would be the best way to raise the children i want to have……

and then fearing, o god, i would be a horrible parent! i have no idea what i’m doing! i would totally screw the children up bad! and thus should never have children at all! plus i am lazy and don’t make enough money to support a family!

thus me having children would be evil and selfish and cruel!!!!

but some stuff undermines my trust and faith in molyneux, and other things make me want to trust him and like him wholeheartedly as a source of Life Advice. very conflicted. i would have to spend a few days hanging out one on one with him. and he is wayyyyyy too in demand for me to be able to do that.

ok when you are doing laundry, fold the t shirts first. separate them into good shirts and bad shirts. so you know where your better shirts are opposed to the not better ones. this policy works for all clothes not just t shirts.

folding the t shirts first is good because the shirts are easy to find and grab, and they are also big, so it reduces your laundry pile very quickly to other stuff like socks and underwear that can then be quickly dealt with.

i used to fold the underwear and socks first, but finding and folding the t shirts first is much, much, much better.

now if you have hangables in there, of course pick out the hangables first and hang them.

even if you think you’re antisocial and misanthropic and autistic you are not. all humans need to be around other humans. it is better just to go out and be around some normalfags, than to sit around by yourself all the time.

unless the normalfags are directly abusing you. in that case, it is better to be alone.

but neutral normalfags are often better than being alone. just so you can get used to being among and around people without flipping out or getting nervous or angry.

and yeah molyneux sez your language shapes your worldview and your attitude and your thoughts. of course he is not the first to say this!!!! but because i like him, it actually made me think about all the hateful words i use like f4g and b1tch and n199er and k1ke, and to maybe thing about using them less, that maybe people aren’t THAT bad all the time.

but it IS fun to say those words sometimes and you should not be afraid to say them….sometimes.


june 21 2014

if you don’t know what else to do with your life, just powerwalk. powerwalk two hours a day. every day.

when you go back to your stressful job, join planet fitness for $14 a month and use their treadmill to powerwalk for two hours, then go home and go to bed.

if you can’t find a woman to be in true luv with and have true luvsechs with, find any attractive women you can have non true luv sechs with. just do not lie to her or treat her with bad karma.

if you can’t find that, then just go get lap dances from strippers once every….week? two weeks? maybe pay one you really like to have sex worker sechs with.

i was gonna say something actually……

oh yeah. today i made the first pot of tea when i usually make coffee. put in 6 backs of regular lipton. looked for honey but had run out.

my big idea was to put some BUTTER in it. because I enjoy butter in muh coffee occasionally. and that is super gross. so why not try butter in my tea occasionally?

i did not put a lot in. as the tea cools the butter may separate and that would kinda suck.

but my new favorite butter is Challenge Butter Spreadable.

i recently switched to spreadable butter and love it. they put canola oil in it to make it spreadable. some butter purists don’t like this but IMHO it is wayyyy more convenient and fun and worth it.

now challenge butter is not “organic” but it might be grass fed. and i like to think that grass fed cows produce better tasting dairy and meat, and i am a huge beef/cow fan.

also i am convinced that butter is “good fat”, like avocado or something. i am probably horrifically wrong.

but i have been eating butter for quite a while, refuse to eat margarine, just butter, and I have not really gained weight because of it, so, why not.

tasted some of the tea. it was not bad.

i was always an anxious and worrying child. always. and this may come from muh fam, who were also anxious and worrying, but never abusive or violent. they just worried too much about everything, so perhaps i picked up on that. but they didn’t need to worry, and I didn’t need to worry.

but yes they did need to worry! about raising me up in a wicked weird world where security and safety and peace of mind and education means making money!

we lived in a neighborhood that was turning from good to not so good, so that was a source of worry.

my dad really disliked his job, so that was a source of stress and unhappiness. he never ever took it out on us, but even as a young child i could tell he was unhappy with his job, so that formed my view of what jobs are. they make you unhappy but you’re stuck in them because you need to sacrifice your own happiness to provide for your family.

god damn that molyneux! hehehe. what he said today really stuck with me, in that brain bomb in toronto speech:  you put a child with a win-lose way of thinking into a win-win environment, and he will lose.

you put a child with a win-win way of thinking into a win-lose environemtn, and he will lose.

i DEFINITELY had a win-lose way of thinking, still do. but haven’t i always been in a win-lose environment too? shouldn’t it all work out then?

the real, adult, working world is a win-lose environment!!!!!!!!!!111


but i never adapted well to that. as if my brain always wanted to be win-win, and to find a win-win evironment.

also, some kids are more RESILIENT than others, while other kids have more Special Needs.

I was never that resilient, and probably had some Special Needs.

but it takes great resources, money, and middle class to address special needs. you need marxist phd’s and md’s, hahahaha.

no you don’t. you just need basic warrior training and homeschooling.

i never liked school anyway, never fit in with the kids, so homeschooling prob would have saved me.

but i don’t blame my fam for not homeschooling me! they didn’t even KNOW about homeschooling! very few people DO take it seriously as i do, or any of the other homeschool proponents! we are still a weirdo fringe minority!!!

anyway. molyneux is definitely challenging, interesting, and fun. might be the most thought provoking person of the past two years for me.

but he’s also not a rightist, racist, or nationalist, for better and for worse.

i would def be to the right of him, but i still like him. i think.

he says the abused or broken brain is so different from the nonbroken brain, it is like two different species almost. two diff races, hehehehe.

and while i have not been abused, i kind of have an abused brain. winner brain vs loser brain. good brain vs bad brain. i am smart, which is good, but my brain otherwise SUCKS. i wish i could just reboot it entirely.

which is why i like stuff like ECT, or Psychedelic Drugs. I am desperate for extreme solutions to mah extreme brain problem.

or gimme the strongest tricyclic medz ever made.

just so i can get a job and be a functioning adult.

or, more specifically, convince a job to hire me during the interview process by having good enough social skills and buzzwords and confidence during that process.

then once you get the job, you can totes slack off hahahaha. and be the most unproductive employee you can be without getting fired or laid off.

now there’s a hireable, desirable work ethic!!!

moly also says parenting in the 21st century is like medicine in the 10th century. it just sucks, people don’t know how to do it right.

so i am curious what is his idea of Good, Ideal Parenting. Walk The Talk, Bubby. Try to make a winner out of your young daughter, chief, because we will be watching.

also, look up youtube vidyas for teaching social skills to autistic children, then USE THEM ON YOURSELF.