WHAT GOOD DOES IT DO ME?

dec 3

https://www.youtube dot com/watch?v=C2hOJR0hIBY

this “woman” looks like a man, and should not be wearing something so unflattering, and looks part nonwhite, BUT she is appearing on redice, who are Legit Vetted Good Goys and worthy of support, talking about the evils and degeneracy of Jooish Pornography, so thats pretty cool. i just saw this, have not listened yet.

but with a great name like “PORNOGRAPHY: WEAPONIZED DEGENERACY” I got a DOUBLE BONER and downloaded it IMMEDIATELY for listening very soon on a powerwalk! they just should not have put “her” wearing that in the thumbnail. jeez she is so ugly in that picture it undermines all of our credibility hahahahaha. still anything about PORNOGRAPHY: WEAPONIZED DEGENERACY HAS to be a good talk, good lesson, good message.

 

really you should listen to the three hour mix three times a day hahahahahahaha

when we were young, once in a great while we would find a song that was so mind blowingly awesome that we made a “mix cd” of that one song on repeat for 74 minutes.  this one would definitely qualify! although I was not aware of it at that time unfort. Oh I knew about the movie but had no interest in it and had no knowledge of the music.

here is one of those songs hehehe. for some reason we gravitated to ridiculous 80s style “cock rock.”

i am shilling for red ice today. now i dont like how this guest woman dresses like a HOOKER with the eye makeup and earrings and showing the tits, but uh i will try to listen to this one as well. but yeah even though henrik and lana are All Right, sometimes they do have weirdass guests who are jooish or antiwhite hahahaha so just because somebody is ON red ice doesnt mean they are automatically good.

but yeah what red ice is doing, creating their own alt right, pro white media platform/network, is exactly what whites need to do. create a white, joo-free media. our own news, our own tv and radio, and of course podcasts are a great part of this, and its already happening, THANK GOD.

yeah i know red ice did weird alex jones conspiracy shit years ago, but i forgive them hahahaha.

henrik and lana just need to have 3+ children and hire some white men to do red ice.

i would become a sustaining member of red ice but their prices are too damn high hahahahaha.

65 euros a YEAR?  that is like 66 dollars a year. i would maybe do 20.

i mean they DESERVE it, i just cant/dont want to dnate that much!

i mean its more for ME than THEM, so i can FEEL GOOD about myself, and really i need all of THAT i can get!

there is this catholic church sorta near me that is geared towards polish people, and i hear that polish catholics are some of the most hardcore Based Catholics hahahaha. they are proud of their polish blood and dont have open arms for a bunch of screaming asians and mestizos and browns and arabs which you see in many cath churches. plus i have some polish blood and love poles. love them. would love a nice polish gurl for a qt 3.1488 waifu. poland is definitely a top tier european country.

problem is this place doesnt just have one polish mass a week, they have nothing BUT polish mass and EVERYTHING is in polish, church website, church bulletin/newsletter.

actually this is not a problem at all, this is a fookin BENEFIT. cuz it means they are traditional and old school as fook.

so i could just go there and be like

¯\_ツ_/¯   ¯\_ツ_/¯     ¯\_ツ_/¯     ¯\_ツ_/¯     ¯\_ツ_/¯       ¯\_ツ_/¯      ¯\_ツ_/¯

and say dzien dobry, jak sie maz (????), sto lat, dzienkuje, boze dobry, boze dobrze rzarzarzarza, ja nie movi polakiu, and then they would say oh look hes trying, how nice, then they could hook me up with their 19 year old virgin daughter who could teach me polakiu hahahaha and i could put babies in her for 14k a year hahahahaha.

sheeeeeeit those women are TOO GOOD for me!

乁(⏓ ͜つ⏓)ㄏ

2016-12-03-20_36_03-cardamom-0-02_0-04-no-limit-holdem-replay-13464295

this fookin guy makes a huge raise when he flops a pair of 8s. glad i agressively went all in instead of thinking he had AA and folding! or 88 or 66 or 22 hehehe.

no thats not 7 dollars and 45 cents, thats .00745 btc, which is…. 5 dollars and 71 cents. YIKES. well the price of BTC has gone up pretty steadily since i started playing this shit like 2 years ago.

so yeah if i had any BALLS like a REAL MAN i would have gone to this polish church 11 fookin years ago!!!!!!!

fooking reddit relships and their different secs BEST FRIENDS. you shouldnt have a BEST FRIEND who is the opposite sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and IM the weirdo and sexist and hateful racist violent trump supporter for thinking this!!!!!!!

or IM weird because i think open relationships are shitty and bad. im being too judgmental and intolerant of peoples valid choice.

well to be fair, reddit says that MOST people

dec 4

 

i am gradually warming up to emily youcis. normally i am very very very very suspicious of women in the movement, but she doesnt seem TOO bad. plus i immediately get more sympathy for the women once they LOSE something like their job or their freedumz. and so she was recently fired by k1ke company aramark (i applied for office clerk job there, no response hahaha) after working for 7 years selling pistachios at the baseball stadium. fired for “social media” reasons.

yeah i mean maybe this was part of her plan and she’s prob not gonna go homeless or sucking dick for a place to stay (not that most women dont already do that anyway hahahahahahahahahaha)

anyway. so i am always judging women for being hookers and sluts and wh0res and promiscuous and degenerate, but in the end, do those things really impact me directly? why do i hate sluts so much? that woman wasn’t a slut! she hurt me through ways that did not involve sluttiness AT ALL!

yeah well in the PAST ive def been hurt by women who were into the slutty casual sex mindframe. also i just find it very distasteful and immoral and degen and a sign of the cultural and spiritual degen which we must fix in our people. and yes it represents something i WANT but cant seem to get, which is given away so freely to Everyone Else but I am fundamentally broken and unable to obtain.

and also i am judgmental against the things that that woman DID do, like avoiding shit like a coward, i dont like that either hahaha.

ok well here’s a good point: at least i never really became a beta orbiter friendzone!!! or if i did, it ended pretty damn quickly!

it kind of proves that i basically will not LET MYSELF become a pathetic supplicating beta orbiter. i eventually have to rip the bandaid off and be like, here’s the obvious truth which i can’t believe you’re not seeing. I CANT GO ON THIS WAY hahahaha.

going to church on sunday today instead of saturday. going to church that is probably better than the one i usu go to. less cucky and marxist and antitrvmp and leftwing. less cucking for DIVERSITY and UNITY and VIBRANCY and all that shit. shit no wonder that church is full of weird asians and this other church seems to have more whites. shit why dont i just go to this other church regularly. or go to that damn polish church. IT DOESNT MATTER that i dont speak polish. i could learn and besides them speaking polish is a YUGGGGGGGGGGGE value add!!!!!!! its a GREAT thing!

yep starting new 13k job tomorrow. kind of a big deal. nervous. dont want to screw it up. dont want to look like a WEIRD IDIOT. just want to do a good job. not just a good job, but a GREAT job and really impress everyone.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit i should have been getting BOOKS related to my NEW FIELD the instant i knew i was hired, and devouring those books to get a good frame of reference, big picture view, maybe some small picture view too, reading the books The Director reads for his PhD, which is of course related to his masters degree and what he does now, The Department, what books are most relevant to this job and this department, thought leaders, bla bla. i quickly bought a book right now so that i could say i at least placed my order for the book before i started the job hahahaha but why i didnt do this 2 weeks ago so i could have had the books and started reading them by now…….hmm maybe i am not serious about making 13k a year with no benefits, maybe WALMART would be a better fit with my career skills.

dumped because he couldnt read the gurls stupid mind. i GUESS shes ENTITLED to dump him for whatever stupid reason she wants, but when the reason is THAT stupid, just candy coat it and dont GIVE an exact reason. i mean thats just a BAD REASON. just say I’m not compatible with you. it’s not you its me. that would be better than saying some stupid ass shit like that.

hehe i made the mistake of initially assuming the “best friend” OP of the gurl was another gurl. hehehe. sounds like he is deeply in luv with her and is in complete denial. but not looking at that, she still should not be Ghosting her friends.

i mean this guy is cringey and beta orbiter AF, and theres a very important lesson to learn there, but she still shouldnt be Ghosting him like a coward, throwing away 3 years of friendship, and getting her new bf to laugh at him and call him pathetic (which he is.)

dont be like this pvssy phaggot. but at least he is getting a CS degree so he might be making 30k a year by age 22. that is a pretty good move.  i mean its still risky because i worked with CS grads doing the exact same phone bullshit as me.

bonus points for OP having mad anxiety and panic attacks that feel like heart attacks and he is so confused hhahaha.

better when you are 21 than 31!

then reddit shreds this kid for being a sexist, creepy niceguy, which he kind of IS, but this ISNT the way to deal with that. you have to show some sympathy for these poor sad bastards. theyre not the bad horrible people you think they are !!!!!!!!

he doesnt need to “RESPECT” her wishes because they’re not respectable. just use the word ACCEPT. ACCEPT her stupid, unrespectable wishes, and let her get fooked by chad. the end.

grieve and have legitimate suffering because your friend of 3 years didnt give a DAMN about you as a human being. i feel your pain man. that sucks. this is the sympathy he’s not getting ANY of and he should.

anyway. i wish you COULD be Just Friends with a woman before Dating and Fooking and Relshiping them, because unless I am Friends with a Woman, i really just dont LIKE them. the way they approach Relships is degenerate and infuriating. I just dont like it. rustles the shit out of me.

I wish you COULD get to know a woman as a friend, be like this is a really good person and i like them, maybe I can try a deeper rel with them, i think they would make a decent GF or wife. i wonder if she will be willing to try that.

NOPE. NEVER WILL. thats what the friendzone is hahahaha. if you dont fook her like a n1993r within 2 days of meeting her, you dont have a chance with making her your GF or wife.

i just hate how the J’s are dumbing us down and jooing us down and morally corrupting us all down into n1993rs.

If you don’t like the word n1993rs, just call em animals. they are turning us all into filthy, dumb, dirty, disgusting ANIMALS.

I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!!!! I AM A HUMAN BEING!!!!!

anyway yeah this reddit niceguy hate is just way out of line. niceguys arent THAT bad. have some damn SYMPATHY for them. save some of that judgment for the women, who in many cases are being huge bitches to the niceguys.

but yeah this guy needs to stay away from this gurl, and there needs to be more blame directed at HER.

when you are begging and bribing somebody to hang out with you. it IS pathetic tho! but its SAD. he doesnt even REALIZE hes in LUV with her. at least I REALIZED that. and i STOPPED contacting her eventually. let her run off and fook animals.

and yeah it would help that guy to go to a shrink, but good lord dont tell him you are SUPER FOOKED UP and must see a shrink NOW if you have any chance of not being a horrible person. they hate these nice guys almost as much as they hate TRVMP or WHITE PEOPLE.

i was thinking in an ideal world, i would just get a dr to prescribe me Medical MJ for Despair and Anxiety, just like getting an RX for Citalopram and Valium. Which I have already gotten RX’s for.

so in an ideal world, despair and anxiety would be legal medical Qualified Conditions for MMJ.  but they arent.

anyway i was thinking, go to semi shady MMJ doctor and be like listen, so i dont have cancer or back pain like most of the people, but i dont want to bullshit you and say i have CARPAL TUNNEL pain when i really dont, but here’s something I REALLY DO HAVE, and have taken RX’s for YEARS to PROVE it, i know they arent TECHNICALLY conditions, but…..hey i’ll buy ya dinner right now, you’re pretty hungry from writing recommendations all day arent ya goy? bubby?

the thing is, i could say that my TREATMENT for OTHER CONDITIONS causes SPASMS, and then i could get MMJ for that. yeah but it doesnt. but i think citalopram causes spasms for some people hahahahaha.

basically the TREATMENT for something Unqualifying, gives me a Backdoor into Qualifying.

but not really, because this treatment doesnt cause spasms or severe pain!

https://www.reddit.com/r/altright/comments/5e7rbu/emily_youcis_animator_of_alfred_alfer_ama/

meh i guess i will approve of emily, she seems to be sincere. hope her animation bcomes less degenerate and she seems to be aware that by joining the alt right and becoming pro white, you kinda HAVE to hold yourself to a higher moral standard and actively purge the degeneracy from your own life.

but she’s only been into this for less than 6 months! i have been into this for like 6 years!!!!!!!

heh i dont really care as long as she is sincere and doesnt stop being pro white. she talks about losing friends and such and purging people. this is good.  purge the dead weight and bad influences from your life. Traditional Morality will alienate you from degenerate animalistic losers. you dont want them to be your friends anyway.

fine i will HUHWHYTE KNIGHT for emily even though shes probably taken MILES AND MILES of dick, prob even nonwhite (no real proof.) but i am willing to forgive, if there is TRUE repentance.

well i dont really like these super big bewbs gurls plus she will probably start to get very potato looking when she gets older. but at age 26 right now she is pretty qt, would hang out with hahahahahahahaha.

i mean better late than never amirite. im no saint myself. you know what they say, all saints have a past and all sinners have a future!

i went to this other church this morning and it was 100000000000000 times better than the one i usually go to. not only was it less boring and faster, there were a lot more whites, some qt young white women as well! i mean i already KNEW this for at LEAST a YEAR!!!!!

like the priest at my regular church, nice guy, good guy, but a pathetic cuck shitlib who is soooo shocked at the hate and racism and intolerance of the whitelash, and desperately wants to overcompensate and Reach Out to Mudslims to show them Not All White Christians are hateful rednecks.

whereas at the other church, no mention of this stuff, just a bunch of happy white people, including many under-40’s.

all the whites at my usual church are well over 40 hehehehe. plenty of nonwhites.

shit. starting NEW JOB tomorrow. have been doing laundry. planning on bringing 1 dozen donuts tom morning. ask people about their families. ask about what are good books for me to read about this field. i am already reading bla bla by bla bla. here’s some donuts. do you guys drink coffee? i can bring in some folgers, i have some extra folgers at home. sorry its not top shelf, but i can bring in a little top shelf closer to xmas. heres some donuts in the meantime. how many kids u got. where are they going to college? tell me about your graduate program. what do you think about the 14 words hahahaha. so how about that election hahahahaha.

can i take a tough phone call right now? what are the toughest problems you get in here from your “customers”? whats the best way to bullshit them and give them the runaround and say it cant be fixed, it is what it is, you dont have to like it hahahahaha jk i know we go above and beyond for our clients wink wink nudge nudge amirite?

besides, everybody knows that when “it is what it is” just wont cut it, you have to bring out it is what it IS what it is what it is. then that fixes everything. that explains everything. that gets angry people to say OH NOW I GET IT, im so sorry for being such a huge bitch. now that i realise that it is what it IS what it is!!!!! see before, i was thinking it IS what it is.

mother fooking phaggot cvntz hahahaha.

i was thinking i dont DESERVE a woman Without A Past, because IIIIII have a past myself!!!!!!!!!!!

ok fine, but i DO insist the woman is TRULY REPENTANT of her degenerate past! says I am ashamed of my past, i never want to have another abortion, or fook another nonwhite, or have any more casual sex!!!!!! its disgusting and here’s why! I REGRET doing all that.

rather than someone that says oh that makes me who i am, i’m not ashamed, i have no regrets.

GOOD PEOPLE HAVE REGRETS.

shit I have tons of regrets, tons of shame, tons of remorse and repentance for all the degenerate animal shit IVE done. so I DO want THAT much from muh formerly degenerate waifu hahahaha.

if you dont have regrets, I DONT WANT TO KNOW YOU hehehehe.

the bad shit youve done SHOULD be regretted.

muh dbt book says to try not to be judgmental. notice all the times you make a judgment throughout the day, bad OR good, and just let them float away like leaves on a stream.  just observe stuff mindfully and without judgment.

this struck me as kinda weird. i can see trying to stop your bad judgments, but the good ones too?

i mean i make 148800000000000000000000000000000000000000000 negative judgments a day. every damn person i see i judge them. i was sitting in church watching the nice white people coming back from communion and i was judging each and every one of them harshy: fatty. f4ggot. dirty dago. ugly. fat slob. pig. dog. disgusting animal. sissy. nice haircut phaggot. nice manbun phaggot. nice potato shaped body. your kids are brats. your wife is a slut. you have dyed hair, you must be a slut. how many cox you take. how many black guys. how many abortions. wow, fat AND a smoker, youre in great health, you no self discipline weakling.

i mean its truly ridiculous how many negative judgments i make about people, many many many times a day. so YEAH i AGREE, trying to be conscious of that and not doing that would be a GREAT step for me.

really i am nowhere NEAR as HATEFUL and judgmental when i am with actual real people. i always think the best of them.

but from a distance, when i am alone just thinking of people in the abstract, or people watching people from a distance, god damn, its a hugeass hatefest!!!!!!

no not violent hate, but still very bitter butthurt negative pessimistic cynical recrimination!

and WHAT DOES IT GET ME?

HOW DO I BENEFIT?

WHAT GOOD DOES IT DO ME?????

NOTHING!

at a more moderate level, it would have been a natural response to people who have hurt me in the past with slutty or immature or fat or ugly or irresponsible behavior.

but the healthy way for me to do that is to say, ok, here are some red flags to watch out for, but im not gonna look for those red flags in EVERYBODY, and im sure not gonna get MAD about it if they havent done anything to ME.

but yeah. its like my automatic reaction to seeing a person, is to have a NEGATIVE JUDGMENT about them. this is not good!

fat, ugly, slut, phaggot, degenerate. usually one of those. douchebag, asshole, bitch, weirdo, autist, spazz, moron.

i cant stop judging people hahahahaha.

STILL, i INSIST that its worse for women to go out there and let themselves be used as pieces of sex meat, that it is for pathetic omega virgins to jerk off to jooish porn. because in one you have essentially two people hurting each other, in the other, you have one loser hurting himself.

but dont get me wrong, porn is horrible and i am ASHAMED and REGRETFUL that i ever looked at it. well, that i looked at it so MUCH.

and tbh, i was only a little above average i think for American Men Of My Generation. Many men are much, much worse. i was nowhere NEAR a Porn Addict.

hmm sorta watching this movie the lost weekend, i mean i had watched this intently a few years ago, and i think after i stopped drinking as well, and had gained some Understanding of the Baffling Cunning “Disease”, and i still found the movie disappointing and corny, and for some reason it seems better now.

i mean ive been on the straight and narrow path here for the last damn 7 years basically. no booze, a little bit of MJ though. not enough imho hahahahahahaha. gradually became more Alt Right, more JQ, less degen, more principled, just a better person hahaha. although unfort more of a virgin neet loser too hahahaha.

well its been up and down tho. ebb and flow.

was driving home and saw this fat guy and his fat wife in my neighborhood who are always sitting in their backyard smoking cigarettes and being fat, and i thought wow, fat and smoking, good choice buddy, and then i thought ok i shouldnt JUDGE him, he very well could be a very very very nice kind man, very courageous, very strong. nobody is perfect, me neither, and so he just happens to be a fat smoker. nobodys perfect and what if he’s very very nice.

how often do i need to bring in donuts? i dont want to more than once every 2 weeks.

you gotta ask the right questions. what if i ask the WRONG questions? what if i ask DUMB questions???!!?!

so show them i am smart by quoting Big Thought Leaders in this Education Related Field. I read some education books right? hehehe yes the only education books i read were “dumbing us down” by gatto and “the unschooling handbook” by some woman.

both very anti establishment sort of stuff. but which may be considered moer establishment in 2016.

i mean i really SHOULD be more interested in the Field of muh job. which all I will say it is SOMEWHAT education related.

so yeah i think education is bullshit ahhahahahahhahahahaha. all education should be handled by parents.

yeah well what about college level stuff. the job im doing COULD ACTUALLY BE LEGIT USEFUL to a HUHWHYTE NATION as regards “homeschooling” college/grad level material to Learners. It’s GOOD because it can put you into direct contact with Experts and Instructors while minimizing the JOOISH DEGEN (((((COLLEGE EXPERIENCE))))), i will just say that.

MINIMIZING IT!

so yeah this is actually a REALLY good position to be in and i shoul dbe  MOAR grateful!

maybe i should bring bagels instead of donuts? i mean i will actually eat bagels later if people dont eat them all. its easier to save and eat bagels later than donuts.

now you could still use this technology to deliver jooish marxist frankfurt skool degeneracy and mindkilling soulkilling poison into the brains of students, but again, its just a TOOL, that can be used for good OR for bad.

if it helps even one white neet get a good paying job one day, then its worth it.

so in a way, i am working in support of my Dream Career by Helping White Neets.  UP FROM NEETNESS.

well, if they are doing education, technically they are not a neet then hahahahahaha. well how about neets who are only involved in education, because its a LOT easier to go to college than to Get A Job. you just pay shitloads of money (take out loans) and go to some shitty school hahahaha.

honestly just go to your local community college. i PROMISE you its not THAT shitty. better than fookin DEVRY. talk about fookin SKYPES.

besides, to get a good job, you cant just have book knowledge and do good in online college courses. you have to be good with PEOPLE. CUSTOMERS. you have to have MAD CHARISMA and not be autistic!

so how do all these autists get jobs?

uhh the ones that dont get stem degrees from good colleges DONT! they become neets!

so would i feel more comfortable lying to the MMJ doctor about Carpal Tunnel or Back Pain, or Lying about getting Spasms from the meds i take for muh Severe Despair?

great now the poor beta orbiter kid who was in love with his female friend was bullycided into removing his post. because hes such a HORRIBLE PERSON. good lord they hate these pathetic niceguys more than they hate Raepists. seriously. right now he is probably blaming the shit out of himself for being such a horrible person. and he wont let himself grieve properly for a relationship that “didnt exist.” yeah well if he knew her for THREE YEARS it DID exist, no matter how close she felt to HIM, no matter what these degenerate bullies on /relships say.

THAT KID IS BACK ON THE ESCALATOR!

there is ANOTHER post about an opposite secs best friend at the top of the relships hotlist!

GUESS WHAT /R/RELSHIPS, WHEN YOUR “BEST FRIEND” IS THE OPPOSITE SECS, RIDICULOUS DRAMA ENSUES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i guess you can be “friends,” but to identify as “best friends”? HELL NO.

sheeeeeeeeeit tuff times buddy. im sure reddit will say he is a horrible person for thinking he is entitled to something.

yep sad shit man. well at least you can do your JOB and shit you got a NEW JOB within 8 months of getting heartbreakingly dumped! so id say youre doing pretty well. just work 80 hours a week at your new job and smoke MJ the rest of the time. use MJ to bribe tinder wh0res into nihilistic secs hahahaha.

did i get jealous because they were leaving me, or did they leave me because i was getting jealous?

i think i kept my jealousy under wraps PRETTY DAMN WELL until it became clear they were pulling away from me, talking to other guys, and then i’d say i had a PRETTY GOOD REASON to get jealous hehehehe.

so yeah i dont eer push women away because i am “THE JEALOUS TYPE.”

heres a good quote from this one:

”   [–]PaHoua 4 points 49 minutes ago
If you’re the one broken up with, it is very likely you’ll take much longer to move on than the dumper. That person has already been “mourning” the loss of the relationship for a long time and when they finally came to terms with it is when they decided to commit to the action of dumping you.
Think of it like the five steps of grief: 1. Denial; 2. Bargaining; 3. Anger; 4. Depression; 5. Acceptance.
When she reached Acceptance, you weren’t even aware of what was to come. Then she dumped you. You moved into Denial.
This happened to me. I moved back and forth between all of the stages until I got into Acceptance. He was dating within weeks and probably earlier, whereas I remained in between stages for a couple of years.
It takes as long as it takes. That’s all anyone can tell you.     ”

wow a woman saying something very reasonable hahahahaha

 

Advertisements

MEN LOVE WHAT THEY VALUE, WOMEN DONT

1013

sheeeeeeeeeeeit. i just start having babies with women as soon as i turn 17 and the hormones start flooding. then when they have the babies i just say sheeeeeeeeeeeit dat aint mah keeeeeeid. and then never pay child support and never be a father and be like sheeeeit aint mah dam keeeid. then by the time i was 30 i would have 10 kids and wouldnt have to take care of them, and would have been a Winner at the Reporductive Game!

i would be so nervous at muh job that i couldnt even eat lunch. i would wait 6 hours, then try to eat lunch, then eat half of it at most. i wouldnt be able to eat until i had been at home for a few hours. and of course then its time for bed and you shouldnt eat a big meal right before bed, bceause then you wont be able to sleep.

i couldnt sleep anyway cuz i was worried about the next day of WORK. !!!!

so yeah. not being able to eat, not being able to sleep, and when i got home i would just read work shit furiously trying to study for a test i was unprepared for.

ITS LIKE THOSE DAMN DREAMS i used to have, used to be a pretty common dream for me, where i would be In College, then realize oh shit i havent gone to this class in MONTHS!!!!! then i go then there is a huge exam and i am not prepared at all.

the job was like having a huge exam every day and you not being prepared at all, but instead of workign on problems in silence, you have a caller hovering over you pressing you to fix it as fast as possible, because you’re suposed to know shit, thats your JOB.

so the only way you could try to prepare was to STUDY work shit when you got home, on a regular basis, for MONTHS, until you developed SOME confidence and SOME of the anxiety went away. but in the meantime not eating or sleeping well at all. and one of your big at work moral supports has turned against you and wont talk to you. not jsut moral support but the woman you wanted to Walk Down The Path of Life with for years to come.

is it really because All Women are Mercenaries? Not Loyal, untrustworthy, like muh Game Blogs say? that even the most pure virginal prude will give it up EASY for Alphas, yet make life a living hell for betas. so my low number low mileage perfect angel will give it up after 1 date with a charming alpha, same as any common tattooed gutter slut would.

so thats why you have several women, you cant keep them in line nearly as efficiently as they keep each other in line!

hehe. i wish you could just get women to take a POLYGRAPH. how many men have you had secs with? and how long did you know him when you first had secs? tell us about all the times you cheated, or did something that was shady and kinda like cheating. ever had secs with more than one guy in the space of a day? a week? a month? how loyal are you? are you still hung up on your first Real Boifran?

men value loyalty so much because thats how they know the baby is theirs. women could care less about loyalty because it just isnt RELEVANT to them. they can always find a new man, a better man. brachiating apes, making sure their hand is on a better branch, before letting go of the last.

but is it really true that women dont benefit from loyalty? i mean a loyal man will provide more resources right? make it easier to raise a keeid. so yeah why SHOULDNT women value loyalty?

well, they VALUE it but they dont respect it? they dont LOVE it? wtf?????

men are honest and straightforward enough to LOVE WHAT THEY VALUE. hahahaha. they dont leech off a resource like a greedy leech. or a suspender snapping oil sheikh sucking all the oil out of the well.

(i dont really think sheikhs wear suspenders)

but god damn can they buy a harem of 18 year old white qtz hahahahaha

so why dont OIL RICH islamic arab countries like saudi arabia, oman, bahrain, qatar, kuwait, and UAE take in poor syrian/iraqi migrants? saudi arabia is already pre-equipped with Temporary Tent Cities that they used to house 1 MILLION Pilgrims every year for the yearly mecca pilgrimage. not like super shitty tents either. but practically hotel rooms.

whoops getting political again, and i am not allowed to have a poltiical opinion, because i am a loser, and my hateful racist nationalist right wing political beliefs reflect/project that loserness in every way. they are not carefully considered rational political opinions. they are all based in womanly emotion about my loserness hahahahaha.

heh. joining the PEACE CORPS would have been a good career move for me, it always looks great on a resume and makes you hirable for a 15 DAH job better than serving in the military does. (which is a damn DISGRACE.)

but its not like its EASY to get into the peace corps. you have to make it your mission in life. passion. there are too many people trying to get in and very limited spots. also you cant be a hateful despairing nihilist and pass the interviews. its easier to get a damn JOB.

plus you have no control over where they send you.

oh believe me i thoguth about this at age 22, 23 as well, and i still had the same despairing nihilist mindset.

so i decided i might have a better shot with “americorps.”

i had a brief phone interview with a nonprofit director who was a total dick and he questioned my sincerity because i didnt have a big volunteering or activist background. if i really wanted to HELP people, why didnt i “just hop on a plane” and help hurricane katrina victims? because everyone who does this sort of work is usually privileged enough to just hop on a plane at every whim, otherwise they would be working a NORMAL JOB and not even looking at nonprofits.  so he was like youre basically not mature or developed enough for this americorp job hahahaha and that was humiliating. he was RIGHT but he was still a huge dick about it.

this was for a position in chicago and i picked it mainly because of that, because at that time, i thought chicago was the place to be. not sure why. its cold and full of faggot hipsters on one side and black thug gangs on the other. well because back then i was still a Leftist and i thought Saving Communities through Nonprofits was a Noble Idea.

soon after i got a ridiculous “job” with a local Nonprofit and saw how i did not fit in at all. i mean these were hardcore leftist activist marxists who work for noprofits, then spend their free time volunteering with even more marxist groups that are too political to even become a nonprofit. it was still better than my last Job but it was weird as fook.

i was still despairing and nihilistic back then, but i drank alot and i was still holding on to the last vestiges of muh leftism. but i would soon let go of that and be the better person for it hahahaha.

funny though i did essentially get approved for an americorps position…..BUT I TURNED IT DOWN!!!!! because i got nervous about moving out to Rural Oregon, funny enough, right near where that huge College Shooting happened in 2015.  so i kinda regret not doing that. because obviously nothign wrong with rural oregon, i mean come on thats SWEET. but at the time i was all about the big city. meeting young women essentially. horrible modern career women. come on. what an idiot. also, that plan didnt work out either!

well i cant say i turned down anything that was offered to me since then hahahaha. that was in late 2006. i would have been out of there long before the shooting hahaha.

continued to drink alot and think women were oppressed, thats why they were such huge disappointing sluts. they had a false consciousness and thought they were enjoying what was really oppression from the patriarchy hahahaha. i read feminist blogs and thought amanda marcotte was smart and brave hahahahaha. wow. well i THANK GOD i at least improved in one area of my life. also i stopped drinking.

so i quit leftism and quit drinking, but i was STILL filled with despair and could not get a job or a woman.

but i managed to stay away from drinking and leftism. shit it would be physically impossible for me to go back to leftism.

i began taking meds and seeing a shrink. to help directly address muh despair.

did it help? i guess a little, but certainly not a lot. i had to do that work muhself hahahaha.

i managed to get a shitty but easy fun job and took 76 credits of Moar College. i fell in luv with woman2012. i guess this might have been a relative high of muh life, around….2010, 2011.  that failed with woman 2012 in 2012. i met woman2015 almost at the exact same time as woman2012 rejected me, and we became friends quickly. i left the job to go to a horrible job in late 2013. i fell in luv with her in 2014. shit went horribly horribly wrong in 2015. and here i am now. hahahaha i wish i could have told her my life story. i mean i could but i didnt. maybe if she had known me better, she would have felt more luv and loyalty towards me.

so therefore its my fault right. because i didnt self disclose enough for her to really get to know me. therefore it was all my fault.

well i disclosed a little. she just needed me to give her moral support as she went through a tuff time wiht her bf hahahahahahahah. at that time i didnt care, i wanted her to fix shit with her bf. i think she wanted to fix shit with him. but he was just done.

remember i didnt get feelings for her until he was out of the picture. otherwise i would ahve said something way way way way before!!!!!!!!

when did i start getting weak and vulnerable? prob not till about jan or feb 2015. because bitches will leave you when they detect vulnerability from you, even though you stand by them when they are vulnerable. up to december 2014 so i was still RELATIVELy confident, so therefore should have expressed my feelings then.

and then the longer i bottled it up after that, the more vulernable and weak and pathetic i became, and the more respect she lost for me. which is not fair. she should have been like your my friend, i can see you are hurting, whats wrong, lets hang out and talk about it hahahahaha. and i woulda said okay. and then been like im in luv with u wawawawawawawawawawa

men love you in good times and bad. women might be nice to you in good times but will freeze up and abandon you during bad times. mercenaries! opportunists! fairweather! sellouts! betrayors! traitors! DAY OF THE ROPE!

i knew she was changing. she knew i was changing. i just didnt expect it to end like this, and it seemed to happen suddenly. it was that damn event.

ok so i should have gone up to her and said direclty, “do you CONSENT to me sitting with you during this event, or do you want me to go off by myself again and leave you alone?”

because thats the type of thing you ask someone youve been friends with for 2 years when you see them at an event!

well when they are giving you signs that they dont want you around, yes you do!

well i wanted to talk to her about why she was giving me those signs! rather than just say oh okay i guess ill go eat worms. fook.

see im doing it again. overanalyzing the situation to prove how i was to blame, and she was completely innocent.

because i didnt ask her consent to sit with her. come on.

also if she told me to leave i would have left. like she did when i visited her at work. i left and then apologized SORRY FOR BEING SO WEIRD god damn.

hahhaahaha i regret apologizing and groveling too much SORRY MY PRINCESS may i go prep your big black bull now. he can fook me in the ass before he fooks you in the ass.

i just assumed she fooked every guy she knew, like a slut. hahahaha. well i know she didnt. that was part of my vetting process. if she had a ton of guy friends i woulda been suspicious. but she didnt have many friends PERIOD. i thought that was kewl. she spent more time hanging out with her FAMILY than with her few friends, and when her friends became bad influences like being huge losers who did drugs or cheated or partied too much, she got away from that bad behavior. she ABANDONED them hahahahaha.

so was that a red flag for her abandoning me? because now i was a bad influence on her? even though i didnt do drugs or party or i was not nearly as dysfunctional and trashy as they were? white trash cheating on my long term partner, raging alcoholic, Pain Pill Popperz? none of that for me! my only flaws was i liked her, and i was weak and vulnerable and emo. well that was enough for her to cut me loose!

plus i am curious at how she feels about all this! i think part of her is hurt to lose someone she once thought of as a Good Friend and now that person isnt there any more. because she cut them loose. doesnt she MISS the good times and good connection? i wanted to know that. but i never will.

and i know if she feels a little guilty abotu it, she could possibly be prompted into apologizing? but she needs to be PUSHED? hehehehe i have pushed her enough havent i? yes. see you get temptations to contact them ALL THE TIME. but i know i shouldnt. because………the balls in her court. why should i beg for an apology? i begged for everything else and it didnt work. begging for an apology is even worse than when you are a kid and your family makes you apologize for something youre not really sorry for. although i would take that too hahahaha. like if her mom said, you shouldnt have done that, he was such a Good Guy, and you treated him horrible. now get in contact with him and apologize and hope he doesnt hate you too much to accept it!!!

went to the shrink. i actually like going to the shrink. when i can talk about this shit its better than writing about it. i dont even remember what the shrink says most of the time. i do 80% of the talking hahahaha.

uh am i supposed to write down the negative thoughts that come into my head. of course i mentioned dr david d burns md and his “feeling good” book as muh personal favorite. oh god bless dr david d burns md.

ok so look for Cognitive Distortions. such as All Women Are Like That hahahaha.

Distrotion: all or nothing thinking, disqualifying the positive.

Home

dr david d burns favorite song is “never let go” by TOM WAITS? COME ON! would it be weird of me to have a platonic nongay marriage to this 80 year old man? hahahaha.

http://www.feelinggoodinstitute.com/

anyway. stuff like

all women will treat me as bad as she did!

well, really most women would treat me WORSE! she was already in the top 1% of women hahahaha.

see i answered one cognitive distortion WITH ANOTHER EVEN WORSE ONE!

so maybe shes in the top 2% and i wanna find someone in the top 1%.

if anything, that kind of behavior should DEMOTE her to the Bottom 50%!

the idea that muh life and path and journey is like a plane and now i know better about how to pilot it to avoid rough patches, like the shit i learned from this horrible experiences. namely communicate wtih the women and never hold back. if you get feelings tell them immediately before you start gettig too ATTACHED to them.

otherwise you will become Enmeshed with them Codependently.

say the words “we need to talk” and write them a letter if they refuse to hang out with you.

of course if they exhibit HUge Red Flags as you get to know them, like tattoos, kids, previous cheating, high mileage, lying, uhhh pump and dump son.

she had some red flags but i felt she overcame them. because she wasnt a huge whore. well that was good. she was a risk for being a huge whore because of “father issues.” but she was not a slut. and she was loyal to her other boifrans. was not super loyal to me though. cuz she didnt have feeligns for me. i guess i had no hint of how she would act with a Male Friend who fell in Luv with her. she didnt seem to have any male friends other than 1 gay guy so that was ok. like i say she wasnt super social extraverted like most normie sluts. and i liked that she wasnt.

there was one super dorky guy who liked her but they werent FRIENDS the way i was with her! so she just ignored him and never hung out with him hahahahaha. but i dont think she unfriended or blocked him!

she must have thought i betrayed the friendship by getting feelings for her. good thing i addressed that in an email and said nope i am not BETRAYING you, this just sorta happened and i just wanted to TALK about it rather than HIDE it, and you wont even meet me for ONE HOUR to have a private talk about it. what am i supposed to grab you on a 15 minute break from work and tell you then and hope no other people are around?

well it really doesnt take 15 minutes to say the most important stuff.

you go out with them on a 15 minute break, say hey can i talk to you in private for FIVE minutes, take them away from the group of people n break, say hey i have feelings for you, DONE. in under ONE minute. then return to the group hahahahaha.

then they can run away crying, never talk to you again, and tell everyone else what a piece of shit you are hahahaha.

i was not ABUSIVE. i was pushy, annoying, and desperate, but i was not ABUSIVE.

i have had friends annoy me but i have never had them be pushy or desperate to me.

well if i HAD, then i would see how RIGHT it was for me to Cut Them Loose without saying one god damn word to them right.

see how i keep standing up for HER, and not for myself? ashamed so much of my actions? i should be taking my own side! not being my own worst enemy. well, besides her of course hahahaha.

but yeah i think i would have wrote the person an email explaining please stay away from me, maybe you are in love with me, well im sorry but im not in love with you, lets have some time apart, youre not a bad person but please stop bothering me, im not gonna respond, im just gonna block your phone and email and facebook, i wont even see the stuff you send me, you have been notified. sorry to upset you. the end.”

and thats all folks! she could ahve done that much!