NO CONCEPT OF SPACE

for weds the 12th of april

sept 6 2016

At Taco Bell, we’re hungry for Mas. Mas Heart, Mas Flavor and Mas Value. If you want Mas in your life read on!
Think About it…

Do you know how to inspire and engage? Do you make others smile easily?

When you say thank you do you mean it?

Are you a foodie? Do you know what it takes to make awesome food?

Do you love your team like you love your family?

Do you know what it means to create a 5 star customer experience?

Do you take your work seriously but not yourself?

Are you a proud mama or papa when your team achieves success?
If no, your career aspiration with Taco Bell has died here.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

ultimately this is actually sad and horrifying but my initial reaction is indignant, contemptuous laugter. but THERE FOR THE GOD GO I. and I must pray that I never reach the point where I would write a job desc like that and wholeheartedly believe it.

got back from big 2-3 day social event, most social i have been in a very long time. still trying to process. kinda overwhelming really, but ultimately very good and glad i did it. good thing for me to do, glad to be invited. was just faced with my own insecurities and issues: somewhat with my own personal failures but what i wanted to explore was my complete failure to communicate and connect with people while I was under the influence of MJ.

yes there were a lot of MJ partakers up there, i kinda expected that, and i said i would partake a LITTLE bit, and indeed i did, for the first time after like a year of abstinence. got an interesting reaction there that pretty much confirmed that i should not do that in a social situation ever. because yeah it makes it absolutely impossible for me to follow or understand or contribute to any conversation, which is very frustrating and also bad for the confidence. other people do not seem to have this problem, but i sure do. so i was careful to just have one puff at a time with large space in between, often PASSING on the MJ as it went around!

and STILL a couple time i went a bit over the line where my mind was completely blown and blazed, and really all it takes is just ONE extra puff which will then totally overwhelm you 20 minutes later and you will feel like a retarded idiot child hhahahahahaha. not fun when trying to communicate with successful adults with good careers, wives, children, etc.

of course there was no judgement happening whatsoever, except by me!

oh man. LOT of stuff to cover. i mean the thoughts that were going on in muh head at the time.

like i want to examine the idea of SPACE and, well when I was blazed a few days ago, I thought DAMN I really didnt understand the concept of SPACE at all, I totally invaded her SPACE like a WEIRDO badman, god damn I was such an idiot who has no idea how to deal with women and rels, i have no concept of this stuff, its SOO BADDDDD, I am hopeless, I can’t believe I fooked it up SO BAD without even intending, to be SO incompetent and wrong, so yeah so STRONG self blaming there, she was RIGHT to react the way she did, she was RIGHT to throw me away, she was RIGHT to never respond to me.

or thoughts of ulterior motives, like yeah, this is just what happens. you might not HAVE ulterior motives but theres NO WAY you are gonna convince the woman of that! It’s simply impossible in that situation! so i need to get over my desire to want to have her understand I did not have ulterior motives. because she never will understand that. never ever. but yeah i dont like being remembered that way.

and when i was blazed, yeah the self blame and self recrimination was just horrible. stream of constant negative thoughts in a multitude of ways. many diff kinds of negativity hahahaha.  in other words I should never do MJ EVER!!!!!

thankfully i did not flip out and have a panic attack or anything, but im sure a few more puffs and i would have been much closer to that! I already felt like a total WEIRDO and outsider and just inferior in every way!

so why do I like this junk again??!!?!?!!!??!!?!??

because it makes MUSIC better and because its ok in “groups” of TWO or smaller hahahahaha.

ITS NOT WORF IT M8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cuz I GUARANTEE there would still be SOME kind of stream of negative thoughts. doubts and fears and blame and recriminations. even if I were alone or with 1 other person. I know from experience, its more than a guarantee, it has happened!

so, if i get more terrible neg thoughts in general when partaking, even in the best of “set and setting”….then why even do it at all?

I could literally, measurably, noticeably communicate and talk to other people better socially when not under the influence. i just had a damn controlled trial 2 days ago. i noticed a definite difference!

yeah it was overwhelming, but in no way did the anxiety when partaking the MJ ruin the overall event. overall, it was mind blowingly fantastic and positive, the most positive social event for a long time.

but when i got done i was more exhausted than I have been in a long time, even more my usual low energy self, but this time was even more extreme, and i slept for 16 straight hours. unbelievable. could not even be awake. and the sleep was pretty solid too. i really needed it hahahahaha.

so now I am trying to wake up from that, drinking some coffee, still feel a little bit “post MJ” and not sure if that is the MJ or just that my body and mind were exhausted and id been asleep for 16 hours hahaha. prob the latter.

so now i can start really processing everything and that of course is a big mission of this blog hahaha. me processing shit. with 10% of that maybe helping the reader hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

anyway. yeah at some points i felt ASHAMED of my total failure to comprehend to her idea of SPACE, and just invading her space over and over and over and over again! no WONDER she reacted so intensely!

and while blazed, i couldnt think of the positive, rational response: yeah I did not have a great idea of space, BUT (AND) she could have REALLY just written me one email. or one text. given me ONE LITTLE THING.

One of the old friends I met who actually lives sort of near me now is a social worker woman who mentioned this great idea of replacing “BUTS” with “ANDS” because AND I guess gives more validation and acceptance and understanding to what your initial complaint is. does not disqualify any part of anything. and then the AND qualifies the good shit as well. I said to her, yes I have read a LITTLE bit about that, and I agree it is totally awesome and I agree completely. she also mentioned the idea of “dialectical behavior therapy” as kind of a counterpart to cognitive behavioral therapy, and I said I knew all about CBT but had never heard of DBT, and I am leary of the word “dialetic” hahaha but whatever you are describing sounds really interesting.

i guess it is a lot CBT but with more of a focus on talking and the dialectic you establish with yourself?? i said I would look it up and i intend to. maybe engages to cognitive component even more, for introverted weirdos like me who need to write 6,000,000 page blogs to constantly PROCESS everything. this might give you a more positive way to process everything.

so, in short, whenever you say BUT, replace it with AND instead. in 99% of cases it will still work AND it will be the healthier thing for you to tell yourself. as far as reaching your goals and shit.

she also mentioned some kind of best practices for goal setting. specific, measurable, realistic, that kind of stuff. i mean i already know all that but its nice to hear other people who are professionals in the area speak about it hahahahaha.

unfort most of the people were anti trump leftists and i was in no position to argue with anyone. i didn’t WANT to argue with them. they are all nice good people who I should look up to as role models 4 a good lyfe……but i just dont care for the leftism. but its not like these people are living their lives being total degenerates! hurting people and lying and cheating! they all want to do the right thing too!

but yeah there was definite examples of antiwhite cucking by white leftists. and not even in a im sorry to be white sort of way. but just enthusiastic, true believer, whites are the cancer of the human race sort of shit, totally shamelessly. but, interestingly, no real guilt about being white, but im sure if i pressed them, they might say something like yeah it sucks to be white and thats why I do everything I can to support the oppressed and be an ally etc. i cant help being white but i have lived my life fighting the man, so i am secure in myself.

i would almost prefer if they WERE ashamed about being white, because that might show me a chink in their armor hahahaha.

someone blatantly said “your mother is a communist” and i was like WOW that is pretty rude, but i didnt doubt the veracity, because I know the guys mother is a lifelong leftist activist type, father as well, and this is where he get it from. which makes sense. if my family were huge leftist activists, i would probably be too. like old school summer of 68 types that became fairly professional, rather than burned-out hippies.  but they are good people and raised good children. also there wasnt any race mixing hahaha. not that they wouldn’t blatantly approve of race mixing! they just never actually had mixed children, and I am secretly happy about that. nor did their kids, one of whom was/is one of my old friends i was looking forward to seeing. he will never change being a huge leftist, but he is still a very good admirable person. but he married a white wife and had a white child too………

its just WEIRD that such decent, good people could also be such damn leftists. so you CAN still be a good person and live a moral life if you are a leftist. its just weird to see though. what would be too far? maybe if any of them had had mixed race children. or were in positions of political power and doing blatantly antiwhite policies. but, somewhat surprisingly, no one is in political power. they have great careers and probably Manage Teams and have masters degrees from top skools and make 80 k a year. but i guess as long as a person is not a lying cheating scumbag, i am ok with them.

but this guys white communist mom has been married to his white communist dad for like 40 years, with no weird open marriage bullshit, and they have white children who married white women and had white children, with no weird open marriage bullshit as far as I can tell.

so yeah i pretty much hid my alt right and pro trump views because a. i wouldnt be able to convince anyone b. people might be like poor him, he’s confused because he’s having a rough spot in life, so he is clinging to this racist xenophobic sexist stuff out of fear and frustration. so i just avoided talking about it and made jokes about guns and even probably one genuinely nonjoking statement about how i would have no problem with owning a gun, which is actually a big deal for these people, most of whom come a town where everyone is a leftist who hates guns and whites and the only people who even Go Hunting are Racist Redneck Angry Uneducated Whites who are angry and afraid and republican and trump voting, fox news, etc. too hateful and ignorant to get their phds and get a professional career and get the political views to accompany those professional careers.

its like these people have NEVER MET A RIGHTIST!!!!!!!!! They literally think they are the worst people in the world! rightophobia!!!!!!!

well, i talk shit about the left all the time, i despise the left and 99% of leftists. these people are essentially GRANDFATHERED IN. but doesn’t it mean there are a lot more leftists who are decent people? yeah probably. lets say 50 50.

but yeah i dont really hate individual people, especially when i get to know them, even hardcore leftists. but i hate the left as a set of ideas that is really destroying the country hahahaha and the west. and the white race.

interesting enough, they can rant about trump and trump is like hitler, its so scary, and be like yeah of course i will always vote democrat, thats what smart people do, who are not evil white capitalist greedy stupid redneck religious gun toting haters! BUT no one had anything positive to say about hillary, and probably were not volunteering their time to campaign for hillary. well hillary is too establishment and not leftist ENOUGH they’d probably say.

but they dont volunteer for even worse leftist shit either.

so yeah these people will always remain grandfathered in for me i guess. and i guess i could probably “keep an open mind” if i were meeting new people. but i dont meet many new people.

but yeah i puffed the MJ and was like DAMNNNNN I REALLY REALLLLLLY was an idiot regarding the concept of space. She told me she wanted space and I couldnt RESPECT that!

well, she could have TOLD me a little better and clearer, and continued to communicate with me regarding it! like, oh by the way, this IS an ultimatum, and this is because i’ve been getting weird vibes from you that you like me, and also we shouldnt talk or text at all, but i’ll continue to talk and text you.

plus, what about: SPACE does not give you license to avoid the issue altogether. avoid and ignore. SPACE means we are gonna stop hanging out, and stop talking every day. but it doesn’t mean you continue to do that FOREVER unless you have a decent TALK about it.  if you want to parlay the SPACE into a Permanent End Of Rel, you have to TELL the person, especially when they make their interest clear to stay in the rel, by asking you every 2 weeks, when are we gonna hang out again, its been many months since we hung out, can we hang out this weekend finally?

heh. we also did a ritual which was partially intended to help me get over That Woman. This is me and this other guy I saw there who is one of my favorite people and who I was really looking forward to seeing, and if i lived in the same town as him, i would Want to hang out with him regularly, because he is a great, classic guy. he is also not as blatantly leftist as a lot of the people. and we are both hopeless romantics who have gotten heartbroken by women many times. but he has improved because of it and become a confident, charismatic, outgoing, charming man, and has Slayed plenty of Pvssy in the time since we were young.

he is very very good at organizing social events and being a Host type of guy, make you feel good about yourself, kind of guy. pull out all the stops and do special things for special occasions, just raise the bar and do awesome things. shower people with unexpected gifts, organizing fun party buses, putting on one man fireworks shows, just amazing the things he does, very glad to know him.

anyway everyone was going to bed early like responsible adults and i was kinda looking forward to staying up late the last night (2 nights) and watching some people get Annihilated (of course I did not drink, i have not had anything to drink since 2009). i thought he was gonna go to bed, but he surprised me by totally playing to my sensibilities. he bullshitted me that we were gonna do some seance type black magic ceremony that he knew, and i played along and honestly was not sure how much he was bullshitting, but he put together this plan to essentially burn a log in half on the fire. put a long log across the top of the fire pit, build fire underneath it, and then the goal is to keep that fire going long and strong enough to cause the top log to break and or crumble.

and then that was supposed to symbolise you getting over something, something you want to be over and done with, something holding you back. I said yeah I can make it about this woman if that’s what you’re getting at, hahahaha.

so i dont know if this is an actual thing or he just bullshitted the whole thing, but it made sense and seemed a very nice way to symbolically “break” someone or somethings hold on you. a symbolic ceremony to turn the page, move on. i said well you can use this too because you have a big move coming up and I want that to go well for you.

initially I thought the goal was to weaken the log and then one of us would break the log by stomping on it or something.

ultimately our goal became to just burn all the way through the log until it broke because of the fire.

so we had to add a RIDICULOUS amount of wood to the fire to accomplish this. and it took at LEAST  6 hours. essentially we ended up staying up ALL NIGHT till the SUN CAME UP and then finally the log split. there was no crumbling really, it was more like two little hands reaching out to each other.

but yeah the log just sits there taking all that heat, not showing any signs of anything, or it seems like it should have broken long ago but it doesnt. pretty much everything about this was symbolic as fook, he knew it, I knew it, he knew I knew it, I knew he knew it. So yeah it was a beautiful thing.

not sure if it actually worked regarding That Woman, I mean I have been slowly getting over her anyway so I dont feel I needed a CEREMONY, plus I said yeah she is technically a good person so lemme just say I am not trying to put any curses or hexes or Black Magic on her, so I covered my ass there hahahahaha. well, I kinda want her to have a bastard baby soon with some deadbeat black, but I guess I forgot about that.

but yeah it was nice that he was thinking of me and did this nice thing for me hhahahaha. very touching. great guy. great to see him after over 2 years. last time i saw him i was just a few months from falling in luv with the woman. i told him, yeah i have this female friend but i dont feel that way about her, it would be weird, i dunno.

i would ideally have some GOOD headphones then get very blazed and listen to this album hahahaha.

I am not as well versed in this album as I am with “transilvanian hunger”, an uncriticizable classic. UaFM I have some actual complaints about, like i skip some songs, guitar sound is too thin. but yeah this probably is culto’s best vocals. totally sick the whole album.

now darkthrone is about as consistent as neil young…..but everyone agrees this is one of the good albums. the classic albums. i would much rather listen to this album than the more derivative albums it inspired. basically just freezing cold, hateful, nihilistic, raw, pure, trve, kvlt black metal. no poseur or hipster or modern bullshit. not overly long. great year, 1993.

none of the women at this thing were really bad. even the worst one is not a bad person. i just wouldnt want to date her. but she is still very nice to me. and she is super duper successful and makes like 150k a year and gives Expert Opinions in Congressional Hearings. yes the big Federal US Congress in DC.

how many men had each of the women been with? how many abortions had each of the women had? how many nonwhites had each of the women been with? how many hearts had they each broken?

none of that really crossed my mind at the time, hahahaha. prob cuz i had NO interest in dating any of the women.

however, the married women, i was kinda judging their mate value. but they were wonderful people too. ideally the one woman would have been a little younger when her and my old friend got married, but they are still a good Pair and they have had a child. but im not sure another child will be coming quickly, and of course that was my ideal, that they have at least 3 children hahahahaha.

basically i care about the mudsharking and slutting and abortions etc a HELL of a lot more when i am considering Dating the woman. if I am just being friends or friendly, I dont really care. also if my freinds are MARRYING the women, i would HOPE they choose at least SOMEWHAT wisely and not pick a TOTAL piece of trash. And i don’t think they did. I just wouldnt want to marry these women myself hahahaha.

basically if i didnt know these people and the first and only thing i knew about them were their horrible political beliefs, i would say, these are probably terrible people. the worst kind of white antiwhite scum.

but in fact they are very very good decent people.

so what did i learn? that leftists can be good people? I already knew that, I mean nothing i’m saying here is NEW. I knew they were leftists when i first met them. and i thought i was a leftist. and i started moving right, righter, and far right hahaha. but they stayed leftist. but they also stayed decent people. i just think its interesting that they never woke up or got redpilled. even getting married and having kids did not redpill them. or working with obnoxious nonwhite customers. living in a multicultural diverse city. i can’t imagine anything that WOULD redpill them. they could get robbed by blacks and then say something like “we cant let this turn us racist. we cant forget that these blacks wouldn’t be put in such a desperate position without racist hateful greedy white men who created the systems of oppression that keeps blacks poor and desperate.” i really think they would say that. NOTHING is going to “redpill” them.

 

WOMEN ARE NATURAL BORN RELATIONSHIP DESTROYERS / QUICKLY AND COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN

#NotALLWomen hahahahahahahahaha

831

how could she do this to me?

either because she had no respect for me, or she didnt know how to deal with it, but probably some combination of both, and since i can never know, lets just say 50 50 on each.

but yeah being DUMPED like this leaves a lot of UNANSWERED QUESTIONS, or at least it feels like it does.

regardless off whether i shot jizz all over her face and up into every orifice and took 900000 pcitures of it all and made pornography of her, it was still A Significant Relationship in my life. Full Stop.

it is amazing that she either does not feel that way, or that she does not have opinions or something to say about the End of it, and that she utterly refuses to communicate them with me.

it doesnt matter if we didnt date, it was still an important relationship than Suddenly Ended. And it ended so suddenly because of her. I BEGGED her to End It Better. but noooooooooooooooooo.

when you have a significant important relationship and it suddenly ends, or ends at all, that ending has repercussions in your life!

it had devastating repercussions for me! what about for her?

i will never know. she will just complain to all her new friends and secs partners what a creepy weird guy i was, how i betrayed her, how she regrets ever meeting such a piece of shit, i am the worst person ever, now fook me please. slurrrrrrrrrrp adn take plenty of pictures of you fooking me and me sooking your coock hahahaha.

but thats her right! theres nothign wrong with that!

but yeah it was one of the most important Actual Relationships I Ever Had with a Woman. so yeah i am hurt now that its over.

It was a halfway decent relationship, that ended in the WORST POSSIBLE WAY.

when you have a decent relationship, you dont expect it to end in such a bad way. i mean there’s always the possibility that relationships END, but they dont have to end so BADLY.

i can barely take rels ending WELL, so when they end BADLY, its REALLY bad for me.

heck with me, when its GOOD its still bad.

SO, devastation. complete and utter.

also, i had a better relationship with her, than the gurls i actually “dated”. so in other words, by my standards, it was kinda like i dated her, or at least the PAIN would be more intense than with the girls i dated. and the pain was pretty damn intense there!

but here it is crippling, blinding, devastating.

completely disorienting, confusing, harrowing, turns the world upside down.

it shouldnt be happening but it is.  like reality slipping away from under your feet. nothing is real. only death is real hahahahaha and loss.

and this is kind of like a death. she has chosen to be dead to me, and for me to be dead to her, but we both well know that we are both alive.

this slut alex wilson on the weather channel. wonder how many cox she’s taken. at least 50 im sure. i would like to bang her. very attractive body. but women should not dress like that when they go to WORK, or on TV, and expect to be respected. they wear these Tight Dresses which show EVERY curve of their body. they think it looks Professional but it is fooking INDECENT. and yet i am the hateful and the weird one for saying that.

wawawawawaawaw i thought she was DIFFERENT than other women, but in the end she treated me in the horrible way that i associate with women, they reject you because you are not masculine enough, not sexy enough, too boring. well thats on YOU for being boring! well your male friends dont think youre boring.

ok finished second 2.8 mile walkjog, got my 5.6 miles for the day. probably better to do a full 6 miles eh, but 5.6 aint bad.

i try not to watch pornography because it is DEGENERATE. i try to avoid the damn degenerate. i should back that up by watching less TV.

also Mainstream Journalism and Media and News and Editorials promote Degeneracy.

took some nyquil at about 6 pm. it immediately hit and i was somewhat napping by like 730. going to go to bed now. might be viable alternative to benadryl every 3 days.

91

i have determined that you should give yourself SIXTEEN HOURS whenever you take something “Drowsy” like benadryl or nyquil.  for working stiffs, that means take it near the end of your shift, before you even leave work, and then hopefully it will have worn off by the time you arrive in for the beginning of your shift tomorrow.

for lazy lovelorn losers like us, it means we can turn down our worried minds for sixteen sweet hours!

so, a good relationship, that ended in a very bad way. that does not take away the goodness of the relationship, so those first two years werent down the drain. but its unfortunate, because that bad ending is gonna Taint (hahahahaha) everything. i guess it doesnt need to. but she didnt need to end it that way either!

it doesnt matter that she was pulling away from me and i was hanging by a thread for many months. that doesnt give her the right to treat me like that. just because she wanted out doesnt give her the right to treat me like that. she could have ended it better. i was treated unfairly wawawawawawawa hahahahaha.

she just didnt seem like the type of person who would End A Relationship in this way. otherwise i would have told her, when you inevitably lose interest in me and get bored with me and want to End The Relationship, do it With Some Communcation, and NOT with No Communication, hahahahahaha.

well to be fair, not that i need to be, she didnt “get bored with me” as much as she was Correctly Interpreting the Signals I was Sending, and the idea that I Liked Her turned her WAY Off.

because being liked by me is so offensive and horrifying hahahaha

no that is not the correct conclusion to draw. plenty of people including her had no problem being friends with me.

if you can make friends you can make rels too. even though there are important differences, such as Power And Control and using their Bodies as Pornography, hahahahahaha, there are important similarities, such as communication and mutual appreciation, mutual respect. ideally. but not always in real life. plenty of rels there is no mutual respect. how do those rels last for years but i cant get a rel to last more than 2 months?

well i can make a rel last 2 years or more when i dont get feels hahahaha.

but yeah she had communicated with me before on other big things, so i was shocked when she got so cold on me and refused to communicate with me at all about something that was big for both of us.

i will never trust a woman again hahahaha.

you wouldnt trust a dog not to eat a steak, why would you trust a WOMAN not to Destroy A Relationship?

Women Are Natural Born Relationship Destroyers!

it doesnt mean they are pieces of shit or will destroy everything. just the relationships you have with them hahahaha.

no thats a pretty big thing. its one thing for you not to leave a steak sitting in front of your dog. how can you NOT leave Your Mutual Relationship sitting out in front of the Woman you’re Sharing It With?

It’s hers too! Hers to destroy!

it makes a lot more sense for a dumb DOG to eat a juicy STEAK without his master actively telling him not to. it makes NO SENSE for a human being to ……

i mean the only conclusions are that Women are Evil, or Women are Not Human!

i dont like these conclusions!

no, its not ALL WOMEN, just one woman!

but that was so out of character for her!

but was it? yeah she would have Tried Moar if she had feelings for me, then she would have been contacting ME saying Please Respond, Please Communicate.

I don’t KNOW how she acted in previous situations where her Platonic Male Friends fell in luv with her. It’s possible this was the first time this happened to her and she totally froze up. I mean she WAS way less “experienced” than the average woman, who has Platonic Male Friends falling in luv with her every day, cuz she’s so GREAT.

well i liked this gurl because she didnt really seem to have many friends at ALL, no cadre of beta orbiters, not super social, did not want to go to bars or clubs or parties. which is a great quality in a woman hahahahaha because the more of those they go to, the more men they fook, the more pathetic beta orbiters they have, the more SOCIAL DRAMA they have.

she had her family and a very small number of friends and i LIKED that, a woman without 100000000 friends. a woman with less friends will have taken less cox and will take her relationships more seriously. maybe. until she throws them away like they were nothing hahahaa.

i mean these Social Women make friends and lose friends every damn week, every damn day. people revolve out, new people revolve in. makes you question the womans loyalty to those old friends. women who have literally new 1000 fb friends are like this. shit i see no reason to have more than 200 or 300 friends. HOW CAN YOU?

but yeah when “friends” are so seasonal and ephemeral, here one minute gone the next, it makes sense how they can be so interested in you for a few weeks or a few months, then its faded, then they’re onto the next shiny thing. it does not make you feel too good about your self though! to be so QUICKLY and COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN.

did a nice 2.8 miler in the warm weather, got some sun.

 

HUSTLE

dec 21

so the guy said this job was kinda sh1tty, that there would be calls with weird issues, and it’s all about BS’ing those people. well that’s kinda what i do anyway. except this would pay 5 dollars more an hour hahaha. that is no small thing.

well this guy has an engineering or computer science degree too, pretty sure. and is a couple years older than me. don’t think he has a masters degree but he definite could, he is smart and energetic enough.

and you don’t really need to be SMART to get a masterz degree, as i’ve noted again and again. you just have to be dedicated and determined and work hard. that is my downfall.

watched some real degen porno where they were having real rough sechs with the gurl. tying down, bent over, slapping her buttocks with a cat o nine tails, rag stuffed in her mouth, pulling hair, rough housing the gurl. what does this mean? that i like to abuse women? no, only that i may enjoy super rough sechs with women. never got a chance to try it though!

heh. i have been awake over 19 hours. that does not happen often i can assure you!

yep. use emails to yourself as your to do list. and in gmail use the “expand all” button to show you everything you have written. just add a new reply every time you think of something related. then it moves it to the top of your inbox. when you are done with the task, delete or archive it out of your inbox.

uhh definitely get a computer with more than 2 gb of ram. how about at least 4

heh. dont like when i cant neckbeard on internet on sunday because i have to get ready for CHURCH hehehe. and i do a real half 4ssed job of it to, no shower. so i can maximze the internet time.

later

ok. went to church, had a great talking file, sent that guy a text, he texted back, got his email, added him to contacts, can send him email and resume later.

cant get over this idea of using the email inbox as a to do list. it’s because my email is the first site i open, and i look at it every day, and i am thus more likely to see notes to self in the inbox than even a post it note on the wall next to my bed.

or lost among the 10000000000000 other technical post it notes on muh work desk.

today still gotta go for powerwalk, make cigarets, go to bed early.

that’s what i do and have done for almost a year, i can’t believe i survived, but it is one of those living hells that if you DO survive, will make you into a better person, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and will probably (55%) make you look good for other jobs where you DONT have to  all day.

the guy who said he could get me an interview for the better paying job said that his younger brother worked at a sh1tty bla bla as well, and now he works a funner job AND gets paid a lot more, for some consultants who “set up the bla bla.”

more fun AND more money, it’s really too good to be true, but it DOES happen in the working world.

people that hate their jobs more than half as less, and make at least twice as much money. wow.

this guy i talked to was married to the woman he was going out with over 10 years ago, and now they have 2 beautiful children. all this is very encouraging.

heh. found some writings which i had done in 2010 when i was taking classes at the loser college and not working as much and could actually concentrate enough to do 60 credits of stupid classes. some interesting fan fictions and blog posts that never got published. sweet. i might bring those out here. i mean i wrote them on scraps of paper and put them in my skool folders then found them today when going thru the skool folders looking for paperz to throw out.

you gotta HUSTLE to win in life. just going to college isn’t enough. hustle is more important than college. if you go to college but don’t have the HUSTLE, get the f out of college, until you DO have it.

you don’t need college, but you do need hustle. so get as high as you can get on hustle alone, then when it becomes incredibly obviously that you could easily make a LOT more money by going to college, THEN go to college. you might well be in your 40s by this time. heck you might even be married with chirren because you hustled hard enough to make THAT much money. now you just want to make even more. not because you’re greedy, but because you want the best life for your children. so you can homeschool them into huge winners with nondegenerate morals. and because things are going to be even harder for them. things may not collapse during their lives, but things have been going steadily downhill during own lives, and will continue to do so during THEIR lives.