SOCIAL SKILLS ARE SURVIVAL SKILLS

feb 2

start of The Weekend, just want to do MJ like a loser hehehe.

feels of inferiority that i am not ATTACKING my job as much as I SHOULD be, not showing as much initiative, not being CREATIVE enough, not taking charge enough. usually when i do this i am blowing things out of proportion. and i worry what they say about me when im not there, um im getting second thoughts about this new guy, he’s kind of underwhelming, i expected more, he can do better than this, what kind of damn mental problems must he have, i mean just look at the facts, how old is he again? damn. DAMN. and he obviously doesnt have strong communication skills like he said he did, everything he says is an awkward meaningless jumble of words.  im sure he doesnt have a gf. i wonder if he lives with his fam. PROBABLY. WOW. how did he ever let his life get so OFF TRACK?

that is the type of shit i worry about now hahahaha.

i just dont want the nice people to be disappointed in me because i am uhhh kinda underwhelming and dont have a yugely confident charismatic presence. i mean i try my best folks. its a day by day thing. i have only been there 2 months. is this normal hahahaha. its normal to feel like an impostor. it took at least 3-4 months before i stopped feeling like an impostor at muh old job.

heh some MJ would help take the edge off that time hehehe.

its just different. its the type of thing where people work on a bunch of medium and longer term projects, rather than very short term cases. and when i end up with Downtime, well hehehe i feel guilty, because other jobs, when you get Downtime, you dont sit there and study work related stuff, you get your HOURS CUT, you get SENT HOME EARLY, so youre not costing the company money.

well today i was given a project and it was sort of challenging but people were offering with ideas but i didnt want to BUG them, plus i had enough to get me started, so i continued down that path, presented my results at the end of the day before i left for the weekend, essentially showed some work of what i had been doing the past 3 hours hahaha. it involved me trying to figure out something i wasn’t really strong on. i just hope they werent disappointed in me in that they expected me to Totally Fix It by the end of the day. i mean im not given super urgent tasks at any rate.

i THINK its gonna be OK, but yeah. always doubts and insecurities in my MIND.

feb 3

day off.

got some walmart george 12 dollar pants, gray. classic fit, flat front. they fit perfectly and were not that horrible “modern fit” which “sits lower on the waist.” I HATE that shit. totally satisfied. would totally buy another pair, and i might do that next week to replace another pair of pants that has gotten too big for muh incredible shrinking body hahahaha. 32 waist hehehe but im sure its a little more, tape meaure says more like 33, but most companies run a little big thankfully.

struggled against satan today and WON. got up, day off, wanted to be productive and no idle, run errands, not immediately sit on the internet for hours. get something done early, first thing in the day. got good 9 hours of sleep. did not turn on tv or computer. intended to go get haircut and to walmart and other store. felt anxiety and doubt but pushed self to do all those things. got nice haircut, boost in confidence, good. wanted to get new shirt for job at walmart, maybe pants. ended up getting nice shirt and pants. the pants are awesome but the shirt is a little bigger than desired. ideally will return it next week.

got groceries as well and then came home and made food to last me the next 3-5 days. AND did 1 load of laundry AND made 30 cigarets while the food cooked.  listened to new fatherland while doing the food and cigs.

and now its 543 pm, starting to get dark, and playing some cards and listening to new moonsorrow album for the first time

not bad, no surprises here. but for me i need to be in the mood, and i havent been in the mood since this album came out months ago.

ideally i would have a ton of MJ and would be blazing it like MAD right now. and similarly yesterday. but i dont. i laughed when thinking of finding a shady character at walmart and seeing if i could buy 20 dollars of MJ from a random shady black or brown person. i did not have the balls.

also i brushed teeth which i sometimes “forget” to do on day off, which i shameful.

also trimmed beard to level 2, ideally do this once every 2 weeks. last did this 2 weeks ago.

ok want old school epic metal, should listen to this hehehe. i recall the first song being awesome. and it is. varg v’s fav bathory albvm. he makes a comment here and there are shitloads of people calling him a shallow minded disgusting racist nazi and quorthon would have hated him too.  metal antiracists are the worst. go read that j trash metalsucks dot com. i thought you people prided yourself on being tough and iconoclastic and nonconformist. the best way you can do this is be a racist hahahahahahaha. and you have idiots loving a Heritage Loving band then bitching about people who say muslims get out. oh no, you get out you terrible racist, quorthon would have wanted hordes of muslims taking over europe.

well, maybe he would have, we cant say, he has been dead for years. but yeah it grinds my gears to see metal degenerates be all like yeah stabbing somebody to death and burning churches is cool, but being a racist who loves the hwyte race is so ignorant and offensive.

and i hold these “heritage metal” people to a higher standard because being Proud Of Your Heritage is really not that far from being Proud of your RACE, and willing to DEFEND it against its ENEMIES. but so many of them just shit on the idea of that second part. just bend over and get fooked. literal cuckolds hehehehe. metalcucks. bunch of pron obsessed degenerates hahaha.

heh. gay milo making big news with riots at berkeley. the next damn day people are rioting in nyc for gay gayvin mcanus hahahaha. what would they do with a REAL racist like richard spencer hahahaha. speaking of i thought he was gonna do a big college tour. he needs to have more of those like his thing at texas AM. do shit like that every week.

so yeah. glad i got a lot accomplished today rather than just neckbearding on internet.

so my gameplan was to “PARTY” tonight by taking a valium, then a little later, taking a benedryl. this could potentially be dangerous, cuz mixing anything with benzos is risky hehehehe. so thats why im gonna wait at least an hour before taking the benedryl.

had dream, erotic dream, that i was banging this qt gurl i knew tangentially in kollige, and i regret not noticing and pursuing her more. i just forgot she was there. but i might have had a chance with her because she was really nice to me the few times i did see her. and she was super duper qt. so now i occasionally have dreams about her hahahahahaha. prob always will. better her than THAT woman.

in this dream we were in the room with another person, and the qt woman was THROWING herself at me, just jumping on me, wanted to get fooked hard NAO. i was like, uhh theres somebody else in here, lets get a room i mean, then ill be happy to fook you hard. eventually i just let myself get taken in having public secs like a degen, because how do you say no to a young qt gurl. you cant. but i was like hmmm i really dont like sluts, i was hoping she wasnt like this, and god damn shes gotta be bipolar. and how long is this gonna last. shes probably gonna dump me within a month. why cant she just be a nicer, less bipolar, less degen, less slutty gurl. but oh well i might as well enjoy this for the brief time it lasts. but its gonna suck when she loses interest in me quickly. and she is REALLY interested now. but thats nothing. shes gotten like this for lots of guys. im not the first and sure wont be the last. and THIS is not gonna last. its not gonna get any better than this. damn. i hoped she was a better woman than this, i kinda liked her, had a fictional pedestal fantasy of her.

listening to newest 2015 iron maiden album book of souls. never listened. bruce still sounds great. not sure how they will hold attention for NINETY fookin minutes. WAY too long. but it sounds good so far.

meh you know what i will come back to this one hehehehe.

so took the valium. see if that even works. it is old valium. but i have like 90 of them, might as well use them while i dont have any MJ. i guess its kicking in a little bit. barely noticeable. not like MJ where you DEFINITELY notice it. how is MJ going in MA and NV right now? i know in ME they dont even have retail stores. or in CA either. i dont think. it still takes a year to get that shit set up. weak hahahaha. they dont immediaetly turn into CO overnight.

But in fact, recreational sales don’t become legal until next year. (2018). in california. ok.

n Diego legalized recreational pot dispensaries on Tuesday and the city also opened up the possibility it will allow pot farms, manufacturing facilities and testing labs.

San Diego is the first local city to approve recreational marijuana sales since state voters approved Proposition 64 in November, and no other cities in the county have indicated they intend to follow suit.

jan 2017. ok so go to san diego if you want to buy MJ.

 

until recreational dispensaries set up shop, which Metro said could happen as early as March. nevada 2017. cuz i mean vegas is a popular tourist destination and plenty of cheap flights. probably cheaper to fly to vegas than to CO.

state legislators in December passed a law delaying the sale of recreational marijuana products in approved retail dispensaries until July 2018. MA

yep. winterfylleth. signed up for songkick just so i could get a notification if they tour in the US. hehehehe. listened to the whole 1 hour album. thats a long album and its a really good sign if i can sit through the whole damn thing.  just glad to really enjoy a new band.

anyway that dream. i ultimately dont like when women throw themselves at you like slutty bipolar nymphomaniacs because that means theres something wrong with THEM, and also theyre gonna lose interest in you REALLY quickly, and that is very jarring. i mean its only happened to me once but i never forgot it hahahaha. yes that gurl was bipolar confirmed and taking lithium before the age of 20.  heh. wish i had had more time to actually have a serious discussion with her about Bipolar and how she dealt with it. but that would involve her hanging out with me for an appreciable amount of time.

thats a good sign. is a woman willing to spend a decent amount of TIME with you or do they just want to fook and LEAVE ahhaahhhaaha. thats what i liked about That Woman is that she liked me enough as a person to want to hang out with me for hours. sometimes hahaha.

i mean come on. im really not THAT lame. i might be a little boring and an underachiever, but you could do a LOT worse than spending a nice solid 4 hour hangout session with me hahahaha. smoke some MJ, watch some youtube, talk about 1387, talk about JQ, talk about degeneracy, watch some TV and talk about how degen and J it is, play some games, watch jeopardy, play some mario kart, smoke some more MJ, cuddle up and watch the decalogue hahahaha, make some food, go get some food, go for a scenic drive, go for a scenic walk in the park, watch the sunset. sounds like a fookload of fun amiright? go to an ethnic club, where hopefully you dont dump me for an alphaer guy, go to an artsy fartsy movie, go to a concert, go to an 1433 meetup where hopefully you dont dump me for an alphaer guy, go to the gym together where hopefully you dont leave me for an alphaer or blacker guy, hahahahahahahahahaha.

im secure about that because i really CANT compete with other guys for women. so if im hanging out with a woman in public where there are other Willing Guys, of course i worry that she’s gonna get a wandering eye and lose interest in me for a Better guy. also because women have historically lost interest in me really quick and gotten with other guys who they liked more.  shit yeah that is a big blow to your confidence.

and really i havent had a women interested in me in that way, even the slightest short term one month interest, in like…..holy shit TWELVE fookin years hehehehe.

but it was nice having a woman be interested in me as even Just A Friend when that happened like 3 years ago. 3 years ago might have been the peak of muh friendship with that woman. and holy shit even that is a long time ago. it doesnt feel liek that long hehehehe.

heh was a REAL BOSS today and put on track time starts on two youtube vidyas for good albums where the uploader nor any other commenters were generous enough to do that. you know. where you can click on the time and jump right to any song on the album for full album videos. hopefully will get plenty of upboats and thank you comments hahahahahaha. cuz these degen metal fans dont even think of taking 3 minutes to do this. well i wasnt any better until today, i never did this till today.

took the benedryl several hours after the valium.

went and installed f.lux on the computer to soften the harsh bright light of the screen at night time. with my tons of ram it does not have any noticeable memory footprint hehe.

george brand. for the man who wants to dress professional but also wants to buy his professional clothes at WALMART hahahahahahahahaha.

 

 

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BULLET STATUS: DODGED

jan 28

so yeah ive been in my mind making all women into this evil jooish BOOGEYMAN, that all women are PORNOGRAPHIC, all women are as broken as the poor women IN porn, or, even worse, all women are as evil as the degenerate, EVIL joo PRODUCERS of porn. this is all patently WRONG but I automatically find myself thinking that way, and i gotta stop. use Ninja CBT to stop and correct these very pervasive automatic bad thoughts.

CERTAINLY watching porn for years contributed to my WRONG thoughts and feels here. and its GREAT that i stopped watching and developed a RIGHT revulsion to porn, BUT i then applied that same revulsion to normal average normie women, and THERE the revulsion becomes WRONG.

http://www.unz.com/isteve/slavoj-zizek-on-kevin-macdonalds-culture-of-critique/

steve sailer article, not a lot there, didnt want to read zizeks TLDR “summary”, mainly i wanted to know what “zizi” REALLY thinks, but zizi is kinda jooish in his pranksterism.

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/4742-lighter-fare-women-being-women

hehehehe 52 pages of women bashing i can get behind. read em and weep. I should really dnate to MPC hehe.

this is why women shouldnt vote hehehe

heh forgot to mention when i was at the grocery store yesterday i saw two somewhat attractive ie nonobese whyte women….and they had little mudshark babies. certainly not the first time ive seen mudshark babies at my local supermarket but yes it doesnt rankle. since both of these women were still youngish and bangablish, not morbidly obese disgusting landwhales, and the kids were very young, no older than 3. kinda feel sorry for the kids! but they will just identify as black and prob be less conflicted than a Hapa and just lead a stereotypical black existence, muh dick hehehehe.

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/8017-the-red-pill/

check this thread out too, MPC respondign to reddits infamous sub

signature of poster threep: QUOTE: “The Js are the most worthless of all men. They are lecherous, greedy, rapacious. They are perfidious murderers of Christ. They worship the Devil. Their religion is a sickness. The Js are the odious assassins of Christ and for killing God there is no expiation possible, no indulgence or pardon. Christians may never cease vengeance, and the J must live in servitude forever. God always hated the Js. It is essential that all Christians hate them.” – St John Chrysostom

not bad, hahahahahahaha.

QUOTE from “Cuddle Workshop Participant” (HAHAHAHAHA!!!) on the MPC women thread: They can say what they want, but women themselves feel guilty if they had sexual intercourse with more than two men in their lives. Of course, they are trying to attribute this feeling to the influence of patriarchy, but it obviously has nothing to do with it. Everyone knows that negative consequences of rampant sexual life are far worse for women than for men. Sexually transmitted diseases are more dangerous for women, the risk of pregnancy is always present, the possibility of rape and violence by equally broken partners is very high and let’s not forget the various mental disorders and the feeling of emotional emptiness that regularly follows superficial sexual encounters, etc. If the latter is often felt by men, how much more will it affect women who are by nature more emotional? Ladies, it’s time to reject this farce of a “life philosophy”, reject J lies and accept your true nature. END QUOTE

NOICE.

its worth NEVER FORGETTING that most average women WOULD feel proper SHAME towards casual sex, and that the most hardcore pro-casual sex women are FEMINISTS who are all INHERENTLY severely mentally damaged, and that most normal average women ARE NOT FEMINISTS. EVEN IF they think they are.

red pill thread is great. so glad i have matured where i can see that guys like MPC are Correct and guys like TRP are Wrong hahaha. Bullet Status: Dodged to quote the great That One Guy later in this thread ( http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/8017-the-red-pill/page__st__100#entry195832 )

this is probably the worst thing about porn, is that it makes omega men hate women and view all women as Transactional, Tit For Tat, Money Grubbing Succubi, All Relationships Are Essentially Prostitution…. when they are really not. but it totally makes sense that a man might begin his journey away from pron by reading TRP….but he will reach the wrong conclusions if he doesnt eventually move on TRP!

the only money grubbing succubi are the sleazy parasites MAKING the porn!!!!

but yeah it does all make perfect sense. you see women DOING this stuff and you think what kind of person DOES that? and then view normal woman as disgusting porno whores.

i would argue that even if you quit porn, which is great, but then became obsessed with TRP…..youve still lost. net negative.

so make sure when you quit porn, you dont replace one toxic mindset with another! TRP still has a pornified, jooified mindset! you can see the pain of these men fighting against the joo, but they think theyre fighting WOMEN!

moving right along from twin peaks sountrack to mulholland drive soundtrack, the excellent angelo badalamenti PBUH.

http://jackbaruth.com/?p=3529

normie guy with children shakes head at sleazy pick up artist

heh i definitely had a TRP phase, but i think i always felt that something was missing, this wasn’t the ideal, i have to move towards something better. i didnt want to live without women, i was interested in a wife and family.

well the good news is that i finally reached muh target weight, prob the lowest weight i have ever been since like age 21.

BMI 20.8. closer to underweight than overweight. hehehe. i can probably stop now. but why not stop at BMI 20 hehehe.  i mean i would accept a woman with BMI 21 hahahaha. i wonder what That Woman’s BMI was. no she was nowhere NEAR overweight, she just had a healthy amount of fat on her thighs and fat ass oh god shouldnt be thinking about this!!!!

if the J can brainwash me with his filth for years, then i can brainwash myself with antifilth!!!!!

pretty degen hahahaha. what exactly is the filmmaker, who has a really suspect name, trying to say? but i AM glad to see tonnes of comments saying put this absolute disgusting cuckold degeneracy in the oven where it belongs. dont think we would have seen so much of that sentiment 5 years ago. young men are waking up!

jan 29

sheeeeeit sunday. go back to muh job. see i dont want to be like a WOMAN or a MILLENNIAL. I want to take charge and show intiative and go above and beyond, but also my problem is getting stuck in a comfort zone and being AFRAID to move out of that. because i think im gonna bite off more than i can chew. but the happy reality is that its VERY unlikely im gonna be in a situation where i have to SELL or EXPLAIN something to someone where I can’t get some HELP if i need it. which was a HUGE problem in my last job, and is not a problem at ALL in this job, and i have to realize that THIS JOB IS NOT THAT LAST JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also my desire to do MJ. i have to tell myself thats not a HWYTE thing to do. ESPECIALLY the way I WANT to do it, doing MJ every day, that is a VERY NONHWYTE thing, very black or brown. so whenever i DONT do MJ, I am being moar hwyte and living up to my holy hwyte ideals. that is a GREAT thing!!!!!

wish they had more news on the recent march for life.

oboy these protests outside airports bc of exec order travel ban on muslims. great stuff.

went for yuge 2.2 mile powerwalk for the first time in a long time hehehe.  NEEDED to do that.

jan 31

QUOTE: Published on Jan 30, 2017
Young men, before they develop themselves with skills, life goals and a career, are vulnerable to developing obsessive fixations with women in order to allay their feelings of inadequacy. (This is why it’s so important to get young men into fulfilling careers as soon as possible, and why apprenticeships and guilds were such a good idea, and why it is catastrophic that female students now outnumber male students at university.) END

this fookin guy! doxed and living in exile, and he makes a rare vidya about WOMEN and getting feelings and ONEITIS for WOMEN. I agree with the above statement 14330000000000000000%. DAMN.

heh one woman hater in the comments says: Here are words of wisdom that an old mentor of mine taught me (and which I sadly ignored until it was somewhat too late): “ALWAYS treat a woman with contempt or they will treat YOU [with] contempt!”… END

shit i was a full MGTOW woman hater when i met THAT WOMAN, and fell in luv, and pedestalized, oneitis, etc. literally felt i would NEVER meet another woman like that, who made me feel that good, who i liked so much. and i haven’t! hahahahaha. but at least i am not in ridiculous pain any more. i got over her hehehehe. thank GOD.

but if i ever got those feelings again, boy that opens the door to some stupid shit, you get SO vulnerable. try not to be in a position so that if your rel with the woman turns to absolute SHIT, the rest of your life wont be ruined. just prepare for the rel with the woman to turn to TOTAL SHIT and then figure out your survival plan.

SOCIAL SKILLS ARE SURVIVAL SKILLS.

they arent just nice to have. they are absolutely necessary. you LITERALLY need to be VERY autistic to develop the technical skills to the point where you dont really need social skills. you probably arent that autistic……unfortunately. meaning its more valuable to develop your social skills over your technical skills. its still the hardest goddam thing in the world, though.

henrik and greg interact very well with each other. good conversation. i have probably gotten over the enoch thing. give him the benefit of the doubt. he’s done a lot of good, found himself in an IMPOSSIBLE situation, and also at the same time lost it all, had his life ruined, and i am bitching about his wife and him not doing good enough to dispel doubts. give the guy a break, he just lost everything.

now that woman, she could have done better hahahaha. i had a very different rel with her than i have with mike e. i dont have ANY rel with mike e hahahahaha.

feb 1

MPC is starting their own podcast. ITS ABOUT TIME. Pman announced it in december. WERE WAITINGGGGGG.

here is the guy Pman has been using as his avatar lately. review of the week. some kid, cant tell exactly how old he is, has 164k subscribers, and does reviews on food and drinks. lots of fast food. pretty hilarious. not sure if he is hwyte or J. he has very pale skin, very blue eyes, and unattached earlobes, but talks like a total Jooish autist. talks like an east coast J but palm trees in the background.

oh no, he kinda looks like that woman a little bit. she had a weird face like this. oh fook me hahahaha. i know she wasnt a J. i honestly dont know if this guy is a J. i only ask because he’s pretty J acting. or maybe he’s just a hwyte autist virgin!!!

i will give him the benefit of the doubt because he seems like a Gud Boi. and if MPC says hes all right, then he’s all right. looks like other people are curious to Dox him, because they are geniunely curious in him, as am I. theres a rumor his name is “John” but nothing substantial on a real name. also that he is around 22. anyway he must like his privacy and i cant blame him. he can have it! i just want good things for him. i dont want him to be living out of his car. or to be a J. or have a bad family. i want him to come out as Red Pilled and Alt Right hahahaha.

https://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/7673-reviewbrah-thread/page__st__80

MPC thread on him, aka REVIEWBRAH. i figure they will talk about the JQ somewhere in here, and if he is a J, they will make it clear here.

i mean he seems like a good boi. just a very young man. i wish him no harm. a few years ago i made a big deal out of reviewing a new burger king sandwich on a blog. i made a huge production out of it and it was pretty fun. i can totally understand why he does this and he does a great job of it. and he can obviously control himself well enough so that he can eat fast food every week and still be super skinny. good for him. i hope he finds a nife waifu.

for being autistic he actually doesnt TALK THAT autistically. he could PASS for a normie and get a gurlfran talking like that.

MPC in general likes him and doesnt think he’s a J. someone posted a pic that showed him with a catholic bishop, might just be someone who looks like him.

this is great. i mean you are amused and KIND OF making fun of the Sperg, but come out of it genuinely LIKING the guy and saying thats a good lil brah. his SINCERITY is NO SHTICK. i like that.

i guess he does talk about more than fast food. i mean i REALLY want him to talk about gurls and political stuff and morality. ethics. degeneracy. the JQ hehehehe.  neet outreach.

i always wondered who that guy in pman’s picture was and today i found out and it was awesome. thank GOD for this wonderful young man. i am already putting him on a pedestal.

i like the idea of a young man, uncorrupted, innocent even, who is on the right path, healthy life and attitude, is undistracted by degeneracy. i would let muh daughter marry him hehehe. i gotta watch his vids that arent food reviews. also he seems to be pretty confident in himself and not bothered by haters.

supposedly he called someone a f4g or a f4gg0t in his comments hehehe.

 

 

 

 

BEING A GOOD PERSON DOESNT MEAN SH1T IN THE MATING MARKET

but it really SHOUDL hahahaha. also also in the job market for that matter. I mean it DOES really matter to me, and for the state of your soul. and it matters with your friends and family.  it just doesnt matter with women or jobs. and those are two VERY important markets in life.

aug 11

hisssss leave me alone lads hahahaha

heres the question, when going to a DOCTOR, should I trust a White WOMAN over a nonwhite MAN?

because i am now seeing this White Woman DO, GP, Fam Practice Doc for citalopram refills every 6 months. she is not bad, she is def white, but also def a WOMAN.

weird dreams last night, unfort heavy involvement of the woman. in it she was shrinking into a defenseless baby, but also refused to communicate.

but she also refused to run away. so she stayed around for whatever reason, maybe she was scared to leave, but she was staying, but she also wasnt saying ANYTHING and was being very moody and difficult and bitchy.

but she was STAYING and that was the important thing. I was being a bet niceguy tyring to comfort her saying its ok sweetie, i’ll be here fore you when you want to talk.

then there was this alpha male playing rock guitar and she looked at him and then I feared that that would be enough to make her leave me.

he was a white guy who i went to college with 10+ years ago and was never superfriends with, but he was a good guy and I got along with him. he was a rare Country Hick who went to the univ. He was very very smart, and into writing fiction (I think) and gambling. i feel he wasnt some kind of mindless marxist. i hear he went back to the middle of nowhere and did nothing with his life, much like me hahahaha. except i am not in the middle of nowhere hahahaha.

so she didnt leave me for him but i didnt like the interested way she looked at him!

it was kinda like when the loving person is trying to help some traumatized child who cant or wont talk. the child is staying with you, so that’s good……..but they aren’t being cooperative beyond that. and what if they did leave? youd feel shitty for investing so much of yourself in trying to help them, when obviously they resented it and you.

then the dream got really weird with lots of weird creature horror cronenberg type stuff, where she was shrinking into like a cat rat baby hiding in small dark spaces.

and then there was even weirder shit. this grotesque skeleton nun appeared displaying these poor animals she was torturing/K’ing by essentially skinning them down to the bone, while leaving as much skin on some parts of the body so as to keep them alive as long as possible. however the nun herself was a kind of animated, partially skinned human corpse, who was supposedly the father of another man in the dream, who was either supposed to be my Professional Partner in helping/treating That Woman (who by this time was a scrawny cat rat child)…..or something.

so anyway the mans father was partially skinned into a barely living human skeleton dressed up as a mockery of a catholic nun, who themself was doing a similar skinjob on these animals. cats and dogs. but the idea was, it wasnt of their free will, they were being controlled / possessed by some demon or devil like in the exorcist.

these are the types of dreams I have when I am at my average!!!!!! hahahahaha.

i think woman 2012 also made a cameo appearance, hahahahha.

ok got 60 minutes of power hour peak UVB vitamin D sun, 2:15 to 3:15.  1 to 2 would have been better but i was at the dr. i am hoping sunshine activated vitamin d is the magic bullet that cures everything wrong with me hehehe.

this was a great vidya from this poor lost soul.

now he does watch sarcuck of cuckad, and quotes a socialist at the end of this vidya, but uhhhh the points he makes in this vidya are unimpeachable. i just hope he isnt really a socialist. for the sake of his own soul!

anyway the interesting thing about that dream is, somebody can be unwilling to communicate with you, but theyre still willing to STAY WITH you. that is a nice bona fide. of course, maybe they’re just too scared to leave you, and as soon as they build the strength, they will leave you.

she was absolutely not willing to stay with me, in the sense that she was “with me” as a friend, somebody in my life that I talked to, texted, hopefully hung out with, but not any more.

but yeah i guess time really does heal all wounds, i can tell i WILL get over this SOMEDAY………..

…….it just takes a RIDICULOUSLY long time, like TWO YEARS of ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT. and by then, someone who was very important to you, who you wanted to be the mother of your children, will have faded away into a faded memory like all the other women. and then you will be a 35 year old loser who never had a proper GF and doesnt have a proper job and you know you will never find a nice 7/10 white 25 year old n<4 woman ever again.

oh yeah. got called for interview today. 12k a year job hahahaha. 12k. 11 dollars an hour, 20 hours a week. unbelieveable. but the job seems like it would be easy and stress free. back at the old employer i had from 2008-13. ideally would get the job and then be able to find Secret Internal Jobs, then get a FT one of those for 30k a year. The End. Life Goal Achieved.

the woman who called me sounded really confused and disoriented. she was clearly having a bad day. she sent me an email as discussed and it had some errors in it. i hope she was just having a bad day and this is not her average hahahaha becuase my average is WAY better than that hahahahaha. and she is making 30k a year. like some damn fatcat plutocrat factory owning capitalist hahahaha. how much does her HUSBANDO make.

the st andrean guy brings up an interesting point: back in the DAY, low level retail and cust serv people didnt have to THINK. “we dont pay you to THINK!” but now you have to demonstrate how you are a FAST and CREATIVE and GREAT THINKER UNDER PRESSURE for a damn 12 dah part time job. now you need to THINK FAST all day so you can solve customers problems and keep them from bitching at the manager.

then how do dumb negers get fast food and walmart jobs then?

affirmative action hahahahahahahaha.

and then i just remembered its HER birthday this month. but the good news is i didnt realize that until 10 days into the month hahahaha. now SHE is getting old. i wonder if she will have any mud baby Sprogs by the time she is 30. or if she will Abort the Sprogs and focus on her career.  yeah but a woman like her really NEEDS a MAN.  i wonder how many cox shes fooked in the past year. she used to be a beautiful person. “inside and out.” way to become a slut after age 25. so sad. hey u could married ME!!!!

and

basically i worry that SHE WAS THE BEST. I’LL NEVER FIND A BETTER WOMAN THAN HER. Young, Pure, Innocent, Nice, AND good looking. she was the FULL package. she just didnt luv me.

every woman I meet I will just end up comparing to HER, and SHE will beat them.

that’s my fear now. because as an old loser man, i don’t have any value in the mating market.

being a good person IS an important thing in life, with friends and family, in society……

but it doesnt mean SHIT in the mating market!

it doesnt mean SHIT in the market where New Human Life is created!

isn’t that weird?

Also what I’m assmad about at women is not just that they are going against their natural role……

but that they are so ENTHUSIASTICALLY, WILLINGLY rebelling against their natural role!

yes lets enjoy lots of casual sex! yes lets become powerful leaders in companies! yes lets have strong powerful careers and make big decisions! they LOVE it!

Whereas I am deviating from MY natural role as a MAN….but it wasn’t my CHOICE, and I SURE as hell dont LIKE it!!!!!

took some nyquil. then will go for walk num 2. was kinda useless today. zero job apps. not sure how that happened. i blame the dr appt, and also much hourlong walk in the afternoon. but really i think THAT is more important than doing an hour of jobsearching at that time.

also I get a lot of emails every day and it takes tiem just to scan them. i get SOME (not a lot) APPLY jobs out of these emails. it essentially takes the place of looking at the main indeed list.

also yesterday i learned that “stupid ghetto people” all use indeed. i chuckled and said really. just curious, what do nonghetto, smart people use? apperantly they use monster. this is coming from a Manager who hires and fires Ghetto people hehehehe.  i am more racist than him but he sees the reality more than I do! I guess he is just that concerned about not being thought of as a racist. i dont have that anxiety hahahaha.  i just have plenty of other anxieties. about my competence to do basic jobs and to mate with wimmin hahaha.

shit i wish i never met her. when will i ever get along that well with another woman again? of that high quality?

i mean yeah i can live without women, i can live without being close to a woman………but i got a TASTE of it……and i really liked it, and now i want MOAR. very much like when i pseudodated those gurls 10 years ago. different because this was more important, it wasnt psuedo anything, it was real, it was long term, there was an actual rel between people, and it hurt moar. but similar in that it gave me a tiny taste of something real good that  i knew I wanted MORE of. i didn’t want to go my whole life without experiencing that.

well maybe it will take ANOTHER 10 years.

i guess when i am 45, the 30 year old wimmin will look pretty damn hot hahahahahahahahaha.

now by that time, the women will have CERTAINLY taken a ot of dix and be crazier and be more duplicitous hehehehe.

who cares. i took some nyquil as usual every 2 or 3 days. took the full dose this time. around 6 pm. nice and early. hahahaha. recreational use of nyquil to feel numb and sleepy hours before going to bed. but yeah it really does impact your thinking. cannot think clearly at all. very sluggish.

so yeah writing becomes evn more shitty. but i guess its easier to not think negative thoughts. unless you get there automatically, then you dont have the mental energy to fight them off hahahaha.

george feels says he did his college at a crappy diploma mill and got a degree in “computer science.” he makes it sound like it was just as boring and easy and useless as high school. just coast thru, never really learn anything useful. and right now he is struggling to teach himself the C language. WTF DID HE DO DURING THIS COLLEGE? why wouldnt he learn C or C++ in a “computer science” program? maybe they did java or python hehehehe.

but it sounded like the shittiest college, he would have been better off going to damn community college.  i mean shit i learned enough about C++ and “computer science” at community college, learned enough to know i could never do this for a career, cuz the amount of stuff you had to know and master is STAGGERING. just to get a part time job hahaha.

i prefer what st andrean had to say. just dont go to college unless you are a GOD DAMN GENIUS, AND you have very good social skills, AND you are getting internships and networking with people working in the field, AND you go to a GREAT uni. so only go to college if ALL those are true. THought that was a great point.

tons of autist nerds are good at math, science, computers, but terrible socially. you need to be GOOD socially to turn your college degree into a career. the better socially, the better for your career.

so you really need to be great at everything. be the computer nerd with the charismatic social skills of don trump. i would think this is the very rare computer nerd hahaha.

or a guy like bill clinton is a disgusting degen sleazebag, but hes got GREAT social skills.

also we virgins never get to see what trump is like when he is seducing women. but shit an alpha male, at that point they are seducing HIM!

oh for gods sakes, that st andrean in exile guy shut his channel down TODAY. he had some honestly good stuff. i think he shut his own self down, because he did nto have any racist stuff. the powers that be still allow sexist stuff but not racist stuff. and sexist stuff is getting pretty big. i guess  shillary could try to shut it down but i just dont see it. but the race nut is a MUCH harder nut to crack than the secs nut. all these woman hating mgtows who are too scared to become racists hahaha.

aug 12

ok. 10.13 am and i have cleared out my 13 or 14 new emails from overnight. all job related stuff. i gotta get rid of some of these alerts hahaha. right now i have such a “backlog” of APPLY jobs, I can really only afford to add jobs if I classify them as “APPLYYYYYY”, ie, they are obvious standouts.

WE DONT PAY YOU TO THINK!

well in 2016 you must think of bullshit to keep your angry customers pacified, because your company is so LEAN that they cut corners everywhere and give shitty product, shitty service, creating tons of unhappy customers. and you have to THINK FAST and BULLSHIT in order to RETAIN those unhappy customers.

make promises and excuses when you dont even know what youre talking about. well have it for you as soon as possible. the price PROBABLY wont go up. oh it did? oops you got unlucky. it is what it is, you dont have to be happy about it, better luck next time!

i dunno. i just think the best “company culture” is when they are SERIOUS about giving good service to their CUSTOMERS, AND they are SERIOUS about treating their lowest employees well. namely giving them good training and helping them serve the customers well. not just bullshitting, and excuses, and runarounds, and avoiding, and passing the buck, and kciking the can, and saying we dont do that, or we have no record of that, or no, call them back, they are wrong, we really DONT do this, or we dont do that, talk to your manager, i did, he said call you, then call your managers manager.

where managers are there ONLY to make things “LEANER” and they dont know SHIT about how to actually do the work of the department. and they have been brought in from outside. ALWAYS PROMOTE FROM WITHIN. how hard is this to understand.

these anti-management attitudes of mine make me a borderline socialist, that and i am generally against Wanton Greed, and I am also against Wanton GROWTH where the growth is unsustainable. but you have to keep up with inflation goy.

1% growth isnt good enough when inflation is 3%! is that the idea??!?!?!?!

drinking weak coffee and my stomach is churning and gurgling extremely loudly and frequently.

went to store and picked up new refill of citalopram and some groceries.

i honestly dont know how ALL people are not RED PILL. just going to the superstore is BLACK PILLING. maybe its just too much. i mean you dont want to BLACK pill people. then they dont even care about red pill blue pill anymore, and become one of those fat mouth breathing zombies you see at the supermarket.

did see some qt 16 year old girls there with their Moms tho hahahahahaha.

shit i am probably old enough to be their FATHER hahahaha.

all these fookin jobs are for Seniors and Leads and Managers……………….

WHY ARENT YOU HIRING FROM WITHIN?

well PROBABLY they WILL end up hiring from within, which is good, they just HAVE to post the job externally.

ok fine…….BUT WHERE ARE THE POSTINGS FOR LEVEL 1 PEOPLE????!?!?!?!?!?

the postings for level 2 and above seem to outnumber the postings for level 1 by like 2 or 3 to 1…….AT LEAST.

too many chiefs, not enough indians!

now level2 and level3 aren’t “managers” per se. they are more subject matter experts, ie, people who ACTUALLY know what they’re doing. the people you really wish you could talk to , but you cant, because they only work on escalated cases, and advising stupid level 1s.

MOST level 2’s i worked with were good as hell, they deserved their status. about 30% didn’t.

but even the good ones weren’t necessarily Good to the level 1s who wanted their help.

thankful to be able to go out at 1pm for powerwalk in peak of days sun hahaha.

partly cloudy unfort but should still get some sun.  i guess it can break through the clouds somewhere. wheres a level 2. an SME hahaha.

i cant believe MORE average people dont go MAD from the ridiculous demands of Work. i mean these deamnds do not seem fulfillable by the average person! these unreasonable demands! so I guess i am a bit jelly of all these normies who go to work and don’t go crazy. they just turn into fat stupid assholes. black pill hahahaha.

heh. these employers HIDE BEHIND their PORTALS. I am trying to apply to hospital job and it errors out when i try to upload res. over and over. so now I just have to WAIT until they fix it. theyre probably not even AWARE of it. and theres no way to report it.  but it was just working an hour ago, because i applied to a job at that time.

its a god damn ridiculous oracle people soft type system that is stupid as fook. always signing out, buttons and links dont work, its fooked. i really dont want to clear cookies and all that. i guess its not a big deal because i just have it reopen all tabs automiatically.

so yeah i am pretty much planning to go to this labor day thing with old college friends. should be pretty fun. i mean most of them are all successful and shit but who cares, they are nice people and thats all that matters.

also one of the guys is not a super duper YUGE winner like the others hahaha. and he is still a super duper great guy.

is it considered a good bullshit detector if you think everything is bullshit? you are so sensitive to bullshit you think EVERYTHING is bullshit? even stuff that isnt bullshit?

yeah well most stuff IS bullshit, so can you blame me for thinking EVERYTHINGS bullshit?

so i got impatient, clicked on use previous resume, then accidentally forgot to click on i am over 18, and then it Disqualified me, now I cant apply for the job AT ALL. I try to do it again and says sorry you cant. FOOOOOCCKKKK. it gives you a phone number to call. i am not gonna call it unless i am blocked from applying to OTHER jobs.  SOOOOO stupid.

OHHH rejected for MAIL CLERK job at other hspital ive sent 40 applications to. wouldnt be the first time ive been rejected for mail clerk hahahaha. sorry, FILE clerk. hmm only took 2 days for them to reject me. 2 days since i applied.

NO i dont spell shit wrong in my Packet!!!! like i do here. there, everything is perfect.

all these companies send rejection letters on friday from 430 to 5 pm hahahaha. i wonder why this is hahahahaha.

also, just because HR for the big company sends you a rej letter for one job, doesnt mean they’ll send you one for all jobs at that company.

i obviously need to take my Main Standards of:

25 years old

n<4

7/10

and Walk Them Back a bit. but how much? I would say just a tiny bit at a time, until someone reaches the New, Lower Standard hahahaha. so lets make the new standard n<5. that will make the pool a little larger hahaha.

its not like i have 100 applications to pick from hahahaha. i have 0 applications to pick from.

oh noes, katie ledecky is at least 25% JOOISH. so if i had children with her, they would be 12.5% jooish. is that too much? kind of. I would prefer my children be less than 6.25% nonwhite.

i looked her up because i kind of liked her weird horseface and maybe she even sort of reminded me of That Woman in having a weird face that doesnt seem like it should be qt. WELL, wait until she is 30 or 40! wont be so qt any more!

fathers side is from czech. mother is half j00ish. yikes. and she herself is a “roman catholic”. YIKES.

does michael phelps wife let him fook rando gurls when hes at the olympics?

is he even married? i thought he was and he def has a keed. i hope they dont have an open marriage.

like he didnt get enough action BEFORE he was married!

customer service. jeez. i just cant do it ALL DAY LONG. maybe put me on phones for 1 hour….but then have me switch on and off, on and off. customers 1 hour, no customers next hour, then back on, then back off etc. but all customers for 8 hours is just holy shit. its like private pyle trying to survive the military. the military would be EASIER. how do people do this and not K themselves moar?

i MIGHT be able to WITHSTAND if i had a good waifu to build me up at the end of the long day…..but good waifus dont like guys who cant handle tuff situations all day. they dont like such WEAK men.

well remember, george feels worked at best buy geek squad for like 2 months MAX because he was too anxious about the customers and not feeling like he was trained to handle it. cuz the training was minimal, classic swim or sink thrown to the wolves shit. george freaked out and quit, and then got his awesome job at the liberry where he continues to work today.

he says that now he might try to tough it out at best buy a little longer to force himself to get better with people.

its all in this one, good summary of george telling his life story.

i think its something we shuld all do, to try to get perspective. you can see the link on the right side where i started doing Muh Life Story and then put it on this blog. cant remember the lessons i learned. oh yeah. much like george, i reaped what i sowed, and i failed to nip shit in the bud when i was young. i just ignored them and did stupid shit and assumed that everything would turn out all right as long as i got a college degree. NOPE.

yeah realy i wish there were like 2 classes in high school preparing you how to deal with customers ALL DAY. how to deal with their stupid bullshit. them bitching about CONFUSING stuff and how you could work under pressure and answer to the most ridiculous bullshit. certainly high school COULD prepare you for that….but it didnt. like put you in simulations where you could have a Safe Word to get out if you got too flustered. and just practice practice practice. like practicing a SPORT. you PRACTICE 10 times more than you actually have official matches. you practice so you’ll be ready for the match/game/competition/tournament. i wish i had done that in order to prepare for customers on the job.

heh. i would prob quit geek squad too georgie boy! i cant blame you! anyway he eventually got some more customer service experience when he switched jobs at the liberry.

WAS IT REALLY WORTH IT?

I had some SOLID, BIGBOY, REAL WORLD, REAL MAN Customer Service Experience, a full YEARS worth, in a CALL CENTER, taking CALLS all day on the WEIRDEST shit that I had NO IDEA how to do.

was it WORTH IT?

maybe…..but at this point it doesnt really feel like it. and i feel like I could never do it again. just the thought strikes fear deep into my heart so I am AVOIDING all jobs that seem like they would have TOO MUCH (>50%) cust serv.

WOMEN YOUNGER than me have opened up their own Clinical/Counseling practices. like this 25 year old broad i see making a duckface on linkedin. LCSW, LLC, LLP. but who i really want to help are single white men with despair and anxiety, and white neets and such. thing is, these people are not likely to seek help.  alot of people only go to counseling because they are FORCED by court or probation. i guarantee some of those men are white!

but yeah honestly i did some GREAT, STRONG work, and TOUGHED IT OUT in some real TOUGH MAN shit, when i thought I would BREAK under the pressure. but NO, I STAYED THE COURSE. Weathered the storm.

So i have PROVED I can handle tough situations and tough customers. however, add a shitty situation with a woman and THAT is my breaking point.

i mean it WAS a realy unique situation i dont EVER see happening again. both the fact that she did not respond AT ALL, PLUS the fact that we worked in the same office.

it wasnt the CUSTOMERS that pushed me over the edge, it was HER, or really, my inability to DEAL with her.

i guess THEORETICALLY i could get another job and fall in luv with another coworker. i just hope i deal with it better! and i think i really cant not deal with it better! i would just send an email or text saying WE NEED TO TALK NAO. I HAVE FEELINGS FOR U.

then she will freak out, say were done, and i will put in a 2 weeks notice hahahahaha.

no i will try to move my shift, or move to where i cannot see her.

if i am running out of Meds, I will go to an Urgent Care to see if they can write me an emergency refill.

again i really dont think the running out of meds was what caused me to go over the edge. it was i just couldnt handle that ridiculous situation.

 

YOU MUST TEACH YOUR CHILDREN SKILLS 2 WIN

nov 9 2014 sunday day off.

slept, went to church, recorded talking file, came back, took nap, now its 430pm, will be dark in 1 hour.

go to bed around 8 pm hehehehe.

“male virgins have no clue how to do anything sexual or romantic, they are absolutely clueless. I’m beginning to see why women hate them.”

-r9k anon hahahahaha from that classic thread before

and it’s true. it’s harder to “date” a woman over a the long or medium term, that it is to bang them. thru dealing with women heterosexually over the long term you get to know how to deal with them, you get practice, you get better at it. and if you can’t even have short-term SECHS with a woman, you can’t even begin to make a dent in the hours of practice you need to be normal with women. it does suck!

for example, i’ve never been heterosexually active for more than one month or so. a few sweet dates and romantic nights, a few awkward but fun sechsual encounters, then boom dumped, because i was too beta and niceguy and sweet and unmasculine to know how to really treat women the way they wanted to be treated.

or maybe i’m generalizing too much, hahahahahahaha.

maybe the trick is to have platonic female friends just so you get used to spending TIME hanging OUT with women, then you sorta practice on them and pretend they are your gurlfran. hehehehe. Kinda like, but not exactly, how i fell in luv with my own female fren.

what would you tell your SON? what advice would you give to your son, who you wanted to see become a winner who was good with women and had a good job and suceeded in life and was happy?

you’d tell him rein it in from the gurl, be cool, don’t get mad at her, just be cool.

it is amazing how many parents want their children to “go away to college” even if makes the children both financially and morally bankrupt. it’s like parents want to kill their own children. but they don’t realize this is what they’re doing.

now you can be a winner in life with a good job and still be a total degenerate scumbag. it is better to be a loser than a degenerate. at least i got THAT going for moi!!!!!!

anyway, you should should teach your children to be nondegenerate winners. do not let SCHOOLS teach them “knowledge” OR “social skills.” it is your responsibility to make sure YOUR teach YOUR children social skills so they do not grow up to be autistic, ie, virgins with social skills so bad they can never lose their kissless virginity, and/or neet shutins that can’t even pass an interview to get a minimum wage job.

don’t be stupid enough to trust SCHOOLS to teach your children social skills and job skills to win at lyfe. they won’t. to assume so is naive and stupid and borderline CHILD ABUSE.

you MUST teach YOUR children skills 2 win. social skills and job skills.

that is what i will do if i ever have my 3 children, namely find a wife who is not a degenerate and who agrees to mate with me.

and who is hopefully of the same race as me, hahahahahaha.

welp i went and washed my teeth grinding mouth guard, which is good to do on a regular basis, and also used beard trimmer to trim the “sides” by the ears, and also attempted to shave the back of my own neck, where those hairs grow at the base of your hairline and look sloppy. these two problem areas often force me to go in and get a haircut before i’d really like to. so now that I can trim them myself, that means i need to get 50% as many haircuts.

i set the beard trimmer to level 1 and used a mirror and attempted to view the back of my neck. it probably looks all uneven, but since i am growing a mini-mullet back there, it is probably hard to tell its uneven.

oh well. i can’t fooking see it. i could ask a person to trim it for me but i wanted to do it myself.

i could ask my family or my male friends. but i am too stubborn to ask for help, hahahahaha.

going to grow a HUGE long beard for the winter, both to keep my face warm, and also to grow the beard of sorrow because of my 80 20 chances with my lady fren. i will be sure to keep the edges neat. but i thank goodness for duck dynasty because i can just say i’m growing a duck dynasty beard, and f4gg0ts can’t accuse me of being a hipster or a middle class f4ggot, who have been playing with beards lately, and made them less of a manly thing. fook that sh1t. suk muh d1k.

so i guess i am thankful i have a job where i can grow a long beard. heh no health care, not getting paid enough, very stressful, horrible training, no stability or security, but at least i am allowed to grow a long beard. and people can come to work showing the tattoos on their arms and such.

not me because i think tattoos are gay. the one guy who has a bunch of tattoos on his arms is really nice and funny and friendly though.

fook just bought a sunshine minting 1 oz silver round. silver is dropping right now. very bearish hehehe. buy buy buy.

at this point, i have most of my vanity coins, so i just want rounds that are the cheapest and also from a respectable mint, line sunshine, OPM, or maybe republic metals. but i lean towards sunshine for some reason. maybe because i heard they supply the silver for the US mint to make silver eagles.

bought it from modern coin mart on ebay, my go to precious metals store. if i were to buy more than 1 oz at a time maybe i could find better deals elsewhere but i’ve always been very satisfied with MCM and I give them my full recommendation.

GIMME THE STRONGEST DRUGS YOU GOT

june 26.

ok. maybe go into your dockers office and be like,

ok doc, GIVE ME THE STRONGEST THING YOU HAVE. I can barely work, i am about to lose my job because i am always flipping out all the time, give me something to calm me down that’s very strong, and also something to make me happy, and make it HELLA STRONG because I am VERY unhappy. give me the STRONGEST antiderpression drugs and the STRONGEST anti anxiety drugs, NOW.

period. the end. STRONGEST drugs on the market for anxiety AND derpression.

give me something to make me NUMB and make me like a ZOMBIE, I would LOVE to be like a zombie compared to this!

and I haven’t got laid in 9 years and i jerk off whenever i can to 18 year old gurls getting pounded up the 4ss and I will never get some of that!

and i will always have a sh1tty job because i don’t have enough initiative and strength and focus and drive to do a masterz degree!

gimme the strongest raft of drugs you can!!!!

say that. it’s all about what you SAY. SAYING stuff is 90000000 times more powerful than writing stuff.

and i just lost my job, got fired for freaking out, and having to disclose that for every job application and job interview will ensure i never get hired anywhere ever again! i will never escape the 1% of people who never escapes minimum wage! 4 lyfe! it’s hopeless! I haven’t gotten laid in 9 years and the only b1tches i could bang are ugly, old, and fat, and i can’t get it up to THAT!

gimme the strongest drugs you got!

well, if i get fired for flipping out, i will simply meet with my shrink and figure out the best way to deal with it. life goes on. you think i’d be the first person to get fired from a job?

i technically have been fired from a job already, over 10 years ago, because i was giving too many discounts, hehehehe.

i got to go to a stripper or bang a young qt soon. meaning, go to the stripper, hehehehe.

gimme the strongest drugs u got! I want to be a ZOMBIE! FEEL NOTHING! NUMB!

heh. over the past 5 years i have gone from looking younger than my age, to looking older than my age. TIME TO PAY THE PIPER. THE PIPER HAS PIPED.

i used to lie and say i was a few years younger so i didn’t seem like such a big loser working these loser jobs where i was way older than everyone. now that is harder to do. i might be able to lie and say i am 2 years younger than i am, but that would be a stretch. and i would still be older than the average person there, hehehehe.

june 27

see that was a perfect example of writing too much and not talking enough. i was working myself into a froth. a lather. really getting super dramatic and hopeless. no thank u.

heh. talk to the tape 1 hour a DAY, erry day.

you could do that by showing up to werk 90 minutes early.

it would be hard to do at the Gym on the Treadmill, because, No Privacy.

not sure if i gave my full recommendation to the tv show “regular show” but here it is. watch it, it’s hilarious and awesome. even though tv as a whole is really bad, like cancer.

rebooting your brain. you’d think that a good night’s sleep would do that, but i need something stronger. which is why a psychedelic/ entheogenic appeals to me.

ramzpaul, what would you do if you had one year to live.

“Five hours of mckenna at his best” hehehe. that’s what i was orig looking for.

see look at his natural curiosity in everything with like rocks and butterflies and sh1t. i don’t have that. gimme some mescaline so i can get it back, hehehe.

what would I do if i only had 1 year to live?

start off by paying the best looking stripper i could find for 30 minutes of stripper sechs.

do some c0k3, maybe even start drinking again.

really try to ramp up my social skills w wimminz so i can attempt to sow my wild oats before i die.

email girls 1 thru 8 and tell them i’m gonna die in 1 year and would like to bang them all 100 times before i die.

f00k it, i don’t need good karma with them!

attempt to get good karma with everyone who really matters.

quit muh job!

get the biggest bank loan possible to get some traveling money.

travel around europe and bang european gurls in backpackers hostels. try to die as close to my country of ethnic origin as i can figure out, surrounded by naked 18 year old gurls of that ethnicity.

or maybe bring my fam and friends along to have them around when i die.

maybe do some mad psychedelics: acid, mushrooms, dmt, ayahuasca, mescaline, all that f00king sh1t.

maybe do a deathbed confession with the catholics because only their god is d1ckish enough to demand that they are the only correct religion. hehehe. no that’s not true, i think islam and jews do that too. but i was not born jewish or muslim, i was born catholic however, so that would be my attempt to settle that score at least.

but lemme also tell ya.

do i hate women? maybe. i’ve said it’s good to have a little hate, but however too much hate weakens you. i would “hate” to be at that level, heehehehe.

but it’s no use to tell women that you hate women! or even your woman-loving male friends, hehehehe. pvssywhipped.

more likely anyway is, I just don’t LIKE women. because a. they’re stupid, annoying, and slutty; and B. the ones I actually DO like, they end up rejecting me, and i don’t like being rejected!

and also i am a bit angry at myself that i don’t have the social skills yet to bang women at will. especially if they’re stupid and slutty and just GIVING themselves away to men when their bodies are at their youngest and hottest, but i don’t have the social skills to get a piece of that action. so yeah a little anger at myself too. and also why do they need to be so promiscuous when they are at their most valuable?

hard to respect that!

RELATIONSHIPF4GS

june 2

its amazing. here i am going on this fun advneture and i am still thinking about that dream i had about girl7 early this morning. that’s the way it always is with these dam dreams, they linger all day.

dam. all dam day. i mean i want her to call me up or email me right now and say “i made a big mistake, plz come back to me, I would luv to hang out and make out and sit on your face and have true luvsechs for 9000 hours straight while i rub every inch of my nekkid boddy all over u forever and ever.” and i would say HELL YEAH FINALLY. all is right with the world.

ONEITIS in other words!!!!! pedestal!!!!!!

so hopefully that will go away tomorrow.

took pwalk, it was nice and warm. but a bit humid and i got really sweaty hehehe.

but yeah when u are in luv with a gurl you will do insane fetish stuff you wouldn’t want to do with other girls. so the luv actually kicks the sechsy aspect up a notch.

of course, to be in luv with somebody, you kinda DO have to be sechsy attracted to them.

Which is the problem I had with NotQuiteGirl9b. Heh. Luv that nomenclature dawg. great wonderful person, good mother of muh children type, but i have no desire to do anything physical with her. contrast with g7 where I would do unspeakably disgusting things with her, or even just with an avg young qt where i would gladly bang them (but wouldn’t lose my mind doing weird stuff with g7. probably.)

ANYWAY. just try to be normal and fun and funny and not weird with these winner normalfags. one of them could get me the job that saves my life later. if the discussion gets personal, just f00king LIE if i have to. it really shouldn’t be that bad. plus at least the one guy I even TRUST and don’t have to TRY so hard!!!!

might get a chance to bnag a gril. I said as long as she’s 6 or above. Or, even, 5.1 or above. just can’t be 5.0 or below.

what if she is 5.09? is the question begged.

well, depends on her age. the younger the better. of course, youth gets factored into her score anyway.

umm if i can score some xanax and she has a nice 4ss then the 5.09 might be a go. but not a 5.08.

of course i will not drink, i might well never drink again. but I WILL have some benzos if available, or take one HALF a puff off w33d. one full pvff is way too much for the likes of me.

and don’t argue with the leftists. heck AGREE with the leftists so they don’t try to get in an argument.

june 11 2014

welp i finally got back from muh little adventure vacation. the good news is there is no bad news and things were really fun and chill and i am very thankful. reconnected with at least one guy, the great guy i was talking about, and he is even greater than i remember, turning into a real role model.

the thing which i have to mention is we were talking about old people and he mentioned he had dated a gurl who was….. girl8 i have mentioned, and i was totes blown away, i didn’t know about that, and i told him i was kinda in luv with her and she was the one who got away for me and how i would love to marry and have babies with her even now and that i was kinda jealous that he got the chance to hang out, cuddle, make out, and bang that 4ss, because with her i actually liked her and would enjoy it on an emotioanl and not just physical level.

so i am not butthurt about it, i just thought it was a real funny coincidence, and of course a little jealous of all the things he got to do with her that i can only dream of, and i jokingly confessed as much, and nice guy that he is, he encouraged me to Get On It and that nothing is holding me back from Dating a Gurl like her, or even her herself. he is really nice like that, tries to hype up and boost the confidence of his frands.

so yeah that was just funny, but now i am of course thinking about using him to get into contact with her.

at this point, sloppy seconds or “eskimo brothers” is not a big concern for me, since i was already in luv with her.

funny thing is, he might have broken her poor widdle heart, which is not really that cool, but that doesn’t affect my Rel with Him, he is still a capital guy in my book, and I would like to make a thing of seeing him regularly now that we have very nicely rekindled things.

he has extremely good social skills and i was pushing him to ask people ridiciulous things just so i could study and take note and learn how to Communicate with people Confidently, because he has that skill in spades. I am tempted to say he is a full blown alpha male who could have any woman he wanted.

so i watched his Social Style with great interest, and how could I emulate that. and of course i will share with You.

getting things done, making tricky Phone Calls with ease, just generally being a Huge Social BOSS. I learned quite a bit just being around him, and of course would like to be more like him.

and he was not condescending to me, or a douchebag or d1ck to me, we picked up just like no time had passed, and he was very nice to me and laughing at all of my ridiciulous jokes, we were cracking each other up, it was really very good, and the gurl8 thing is really minor, i just have to mention it because girl8 is……not a significant, but def a NOTABLE part of my “luv life”, as i have dreams about her, would want to Date her, and is one of the last Wimmin I ever had Feelingz for.

ELLIOT RODGER

may 25

so the kinda big story of the day re violent crime in the US is the Killing Spree of “Elliot Rodger” which has the interesting element of him having a 141-page manifesto, being an Aspergers, having no social skills, being a virgin, being a kissless virgin at age 22, seething with rage and entitlement, finally snapped and killed women (and men!) and was very misanthropic, and had a manifesto detailed the Day Of Retribution, was butthurt about all the beautiful blond college gurls around him being sluts with all the normalfags but never him.

heh. i woulda liked the story better if he were not insanely rich.

my question is why didn’t he just use alcohol.

all women could obviously tell he was Creepy and Aspergery, and of course Aspergers have bad social skills and have trouble making male friends let alone seducing cute young gurls.

so I grant that, I accept that.

of course you and I have have similar feelz as this guy, when we were 22 year old kissless virgins way back in the day, surrounded by young wimmin spreading their legs and 4sses for everyone but us, because we had the worst social skills ever and didn’t know how to talk 2 grilz.

but still we knew that we shouldn’t KILL PEOPLE, that killing is morally even worse that what those gurls were doing, throwing themselves away on 9000 cox. you still don’t KILL them.

yes, for the record, raeping them is wrong too.

also, why didn’t he just raep wimmin? i guess because he didn’t want that, and he didn’t want a hooker, he wanted a cuddle true luv gurlfran to give him cuddling and true love sex.

which is understandable, we’ve all wanted that too.

SOOO…. he still could have used alcohol or benzos to loosen up and talk to wimmin. and then if there are drinking wimmin around, and you happen to be charming with your drunken self, sometimes you get lucky and get some Sex. hehe.  that’s sort of how it worked for me. and then I made the mistake of falling in luv with the Gril and thus was very butthurt for a long time when she dumped me and I wanted much much much of Dat Ass which I’d only had the smallest taste of.

Heh. I imagine this Rodger kid would have killed even more if he had experienced that! Finally pulled a real qt, got the smallest taste of what he wanted, then NEVER AGAIN.

Anywho, don’t kill people is the moral of the story.

but i would have preferred he was not as Elite and Rich, and was just an average Poor Slob Neckbeard.

Actually this kid was not a fat neckbeard, I guess he was good looking and a decent dresser. which Just Goes To Show, it’s Charisma and Confidence and Masculinity which are essential to Pulling Wimmin. Social Skills to some extent, that you are confident enough to be confident when talking to grills.

of course one of the dead kids fathers was crying about why so many gunz, but i disagree, if anything MORE GUNS would have PREVENTED something like this, and also the kid was in Therapy and had Masterz Degree Professionalz checking up on him, so they knew he wsa troubled, and there wsa nothing they could do to stop him. but however maybe if his roomate had a nice sidearm he could have shot the shooter before he even left the house.

anyway. these are just the .0000001% of crazies that are to be expected when you have such a large population. it was very likely he was way nuttier than just aspergers, probably some schizo or cluster B personality disorders. sociopath, narcissistic, psychopath, borderline, antisocial, etc.

anyway. i have a particular interest in people who snap and do spree killings: sandy hook, virginia tech, etc. i should make investigating them my career hehehe. how is the job openings looking there. hehehe.

anyway. if i can get action ANYONE can get action. now i certainly haven’t gotten a LOT of action, and I am certainly NOT satisfied with the small amount of action i have gotten. I have not gotten enough. hehehe. but i have gotten enough not to be a stark raving lunatic like this guy!

well, like i just said, even if i were a pure virgin, i would still be moral enough not to kill or be violent to people! and indeed right now I am a Born Again Virgin because I haven’t gotten Action in YEARS! like a LOT of years! and i have no desire to lash out violently against anyone! even huge cvmchvgging wh0res! even globalist bankster illuminati! even babykilling genocidal marxists! hehehe.

anyway. just because you are scared and nervous to talk to grills doesn’t make you a homocidal maniac sociopath asperger like this freak.

and nervousness in talking to grillz can be probably overcome with drinking alcohol. go to a party with a lot of alcohol, get your Buzz On, and find a drunk girl to talk to.

Of course, this gameplan gets harder as you get older and gurls get married and stop partying. and also as you become more and more of an alcoholic and you get be raging drunk and STILL be scared to talk to wimmin.

at that point i recommend benzos!

also, i know that when you’re young, it can be hard to find the Cool Parties With Gurls. I went to a decent number of Parties in my Youth, and a good 60% of those were Total Sausage Fests. If not 70%.

yeah i have no advice there. just that its a numbers game, so keep going to as many parties as possible. but don’t drink too much that your studies suffer, then you won’t be able to get a job, then you’ll be a total loser, hehehe.

also i’m thinking it might be the easiest to do a girl from behind doggystyle because then you won’t get nervous from staring her in the face, and you can just concentrate on pounding away at dat 4ss, and if she has a good 4ss, win win.

but you gotta talk to the grilz first. try alcohol or benzos.