NEVER TRUST NONNEVERGF NORMIES

nov 1

sheeeeeeeeeeit rejected for the part time city job, 15 an hour, was hopign for this as a kind of baby steps, training wheels, safety net. they had THREE positions open so i thought i had a chance. sent thank you emails to the three people on interview panel. (representing the three departments/positions.) got rejection email today. spent 14 minutes on application, 90 minutes in first test, 30 minutes on second test, 40 minutes on interview, and rejected. damn.

well, they either have promised the jobs to family members, and or they are looking for an older married woman who is looking for part time job AND NOT full time job. because i made a statement like, “a full time position is my #1 priority.” basically saying to them its not my first choice that this job is part time. and you want a candidate who makes you a #1 Priority not an option!

i dunno, i’ll never know.

but yeah thats disappointing. believe me a part time baby steps job would be a BIG DEAL and possible LIFE CHANGER, just for showing that I can HANDLE some kind of Employment without completely losing my mind and running away panicquitting!

its kinda hard convincing someone “its company policy, you cant do that” if the company policy isnt WRITTEN DOWN anywhere, AND there is no good faith attempt at an explanation. you figure there is always some wizard in the back room with 2 years of experience (hehehehe) who knows the Secret Way Around Things. but you have just as much access to this Guru Ninja, as Joe Flabeetz off the Streetz!!!!!!

i was thinking of a stupid case just today, and i should make a GOod Story out of it while its fresh in my mind.

caller is moving to another company location 1 mile away. caller wants to move his client list from location 1 to location 2. he figures thats reasonable. calls, gets me, asks me to do that for him / get that process started. i say ok let me put you on hold for a few minutes while i figure this out. cant find any good articles. ask the people around me because i dont want to get Dinged for going into the Official Advice Chat, because that shows you arent trying hard enough to figure it out on your own, and just want your Hand Held. people around me say you cant do that, cant be done, and continue focusing on their own cases. Really, I say? why not? what should I tell this guy? just tell him it can’t be done. company policy. yeah but why? and couldn’t there possibly be a way to just copy the files manually to a flash drive, then load them into the other office? i mean these are all just FILES, right? why can’t you move a file from one computer to another? I mean yeah I know all the files look like WKDNSUH193734940.ngr and are in 1488 different locations, but…..isnt that what we have tier 2 and 3 for? this has got to be an escalated case right? people around me sigh and say, well, youre getting way too deep, plus theyre gonna say no anyway, that would take way too much time, but if you want to ask for escalation, go ahead, theyre just gonna say no, nothing we can do. and im like WRONG, there IS stuff we can do, but just be straight with me and my caller that it would take to much time and money, I can understand that, he can understand that.

i guess the reason you cant move a client list is so that people can’t “steal” their client information when they leave the company, and use that to start their own business or something.

yeah but this guys not leaving the company! he’s just moving to a different office! a fairly common thing!!!!

so i still dont understand. but for the purposes of my Story that i’m gonna tell the interviewer, i have to make it look like i made sense out of all this.

i think i just said, yeah i checked, this cant be done, i guess its security policy so people can’t easily leave the company with their client lists, sorry, i tried. and he was like ok fine i guess. thats our company for you, always getting in the way with stupid policies.

maybe im asking too much with a minimum of 12 dollars an hour. maybe i should drop it down to 10 dollars an hour. i see more 10 dollar an hour job openings than 12 dollars an hour.

maybe in another year of joblessness hahahahahaha.

anyway a good answer for that guy would be, welp, it would be FASTER and CHEAPER for you to sit there in the first office, print out 2000 pages of paper for all the clients files, and then bring the boxes of printouts to the new office, and manually reenter them into that computer, than it would be to transfer the files from one office to another.

but youre kidding me. i mean i get the security thing if the employee is permanently leaving. but employees transfer offices ALL THE TIME. YOURE TELLING ME that for the 100 employees that are transferred to a different office EVERY DAY, theres NO WAY for them to have access to their old files from the new office? that doesnt even make sense how that would be a policy!

i understand completely. if you’d like to dispute the policy, the best person to speak to is the office manager.

I AM THE OFFICE MANAGER!

I mean, speak to YOUR manager, the district manager.

HE SAID TO CALL YOU!!!!

And I’m saying to call him and say that we can’t fix this. I’m not sure he can fix this, but he sure has a better chance at having more power than me.

well why cant you just trasnfer me to YOUR manager? certainly they have more power than you?

yeah they have too many cases and they dont think this case is worthwhile. sorry.

I want to hear this from them.

OK I’ll request a callback, but can’t give you a time other than to say it will be within the next 72 hours. And I can’t give you the person’s name. it could be any of 20 people.

you have 20 managers?

no, see, the managers don’t know anything. they only know how to MANAGE, and they dont do that very well. I’m having a level 2 person call you. they’re like level 1 people who have been around for 3 years and actually know stuff and can explain stuff. sorta.

i cant make this up folks. i worried that my fam would think i was weird or homosexual because i never talked to gurls, never had a GF, never had female friends, come on fam im 23, 25 years old, dont you think this is WEIRD? dont you worry im a weird pedophile? then i got to 30 with no GF, no female friends, and it was a lot easier hahahaha. it was like yep thats just the way he is. terrible with the ladies. but they never SAID i was weird or that they were disappointed. i thought it was weird that they didnt THINK it was weird, cuz i sure thought it was weird!

shit. might as well listen to that new deathspell omega album. not even excited. not sure i could get excited about a metal album ever again. new darkthrone album was kinda disappointing. what if boortzum made a new metal album? it would prob be disappointing like his last metal album. ok then what about muh boy mikko makes a new album? well see i didnt even really get into his new vapaudenristi album. i would prob get excited about a new stabat mater album hahahahahaha. we are abotu due for one of those.  uhhhh metal. big metal fan. yep.

mgla? yeah thats probably the most excited id get about a new metal album.

nonmetal album? i dunno. leonard cohen comes out with new albums and i dont even care, tom waits could prob come out with a new album and i wouldnt care, cuz i was underwhelmed by his last album like 5 years ago hahahaha. cmon tom.

tom waits net worth is 25 million hahahahaha.

heh. rej email for a 32k job. well, thats way more than 26k hahahaha. but ok well this is the county. i have been interviewed by the county for a….33k job and a 40k job. really would have liked that 40k job. but i get rejected for all the 26k, 28k jobs i apply for with the county. you gotta go to harvard or mit to get a 26k job with the county apparently hahahahaha.

OR JUST NOT HAVE A 15 MONTH GAP hahahahaha is much more like it!

if i ever got a gf i could see it being like this hahahahaha. but at least he cares about dumping her in a good way rather than just Ghosting and Blocking her hahahahaha.

yeah thats the hard thing when things END right in the middle of Your Honeymoon Period, is that it takes much longer to get over, becuase youre always thinking WHAT IF, WHAT IF, WHAT IF. you never got bored with them, you never got in a rut, you never thought maybe the grass is greener, they were always your perfect angel, never though, welp im bored with this person, they dont CHALLENGE me to be a BETTER PERSON, hahahahaha hahahaha.  or whatever bullshit hahahaha.

well honestly when you are in true honeymoon period, you DO feel like you want to be a better person because of them, the cliche is true!

i guess…..well you know you get that feeling of please just escalate this case, i dont know what im doing, this is above my paygrade, i dont know how to explain this, i just want another person to look at this and at least give them a better reason…..but youre not getting approval to escalate, and you sound like an idiot. in hindsight, the best thing to do would be, plan on staying an extra hour just to work on their case, and be like, i’ll call you back at 630 pm. thats the best i can do. because noone else is willing or able to look at this. and i need like an hour to figure it out. but i dont have an hour because we have calls in queue and i’m already over 20 minutes with your call. so im gonna sacrifice my family time so i can do work for free, for you. so you better tell my manager i deserve a promotion. not some diversity person from outside of the company.

listened to the new DsO. sounded just like the old DsO hahahahahaha. jangly and angular and chaotic and noisy and confusing. it sounds like what my mind felt like trying to do my old job. jumbled and confused and making no sense. anyway nothing new in DsO’s bag of tricks. total emperor has no clothes. they cannot get away with this any longer hahahahaha. just an exercise in wankery. yeah i kinda like crazy blast beats behind semi-clean guitars, yeah i like mikko, yeah they have their own STYLE of weird nonsense music, so you could tell them apart from other “math rock” or “technical” groups………but I guess Im just not super into the technical stuff.

i mean honestly. WHAT ARE YOUR MUSICAL INFLUENCES. thats what i would ask him. probably a lot of jazz hahaha. ornette coleman hahaha.

it sounds just like all their other albums, a pile of noise hahahahahahahahaha. smoke and mirrors. if he was actually down to earth enough to give an interview, people would say, yeah you know youre not as good as you think you are, ya underachieving autist hahahahahaha.  go make some more money at your normiejob and go cuddle with your tradwife hahahaha.

enjoy your beautiful part of france where there are beautiful mountains and forests and small towns and white people and no browns like in godforsaken paris. or calais hahahaha.

fooking k1ke bastards. cant even hire me for a part time job. was it because they can TELL im not a NORMIE? just like WOMEN can tell hahahah.

no thats not true, even THAT WOMAN didnt realize how much of a nonnormie i was! and she didnt Block me because she realized exactly HOW fooked up i was, she just blocked me because she was a coward. for all she knows, im a total normie who dates wimmin hahaha.  i mean this reflects worse on her than it does on me.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&rlz=1C1NHXL_enUS687US687&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=what%20to%20say%20in%20any%20situation

namely, any DIFFICULT/TUFF situation hahahahaha.

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f21/anyone-else-have-a-job-but-no-life-339841/index5.html

heh i should put SAS in the sidebar o links, decent forum. bunch sad sacks with no friends, no gf, some have jobs, some dont.

how did they GET these jobs?

yeah its muh GAP which is hurting me more than my lack of Interviewing Charisma. I actually have prob around average interview skills. better than that woman hahahahahahahahahaha who i still think about and compare myself to even though she has been out of my life forever for 16 months and is never coming back.

yeah the whole reason i LUV MJ now is because i used WAY TOO MUCH of it in my youth, age 25 and earlier. big mistake. never should have. but ive screwed the pooch now. because i ruined myself when i was young, i will pretty much always be addicted to w33d hahahaha. in that i am ALWAYS thinking about it, EVERY DAY, even when I only have it once every 200 days, im thinking about it all the other 199 days.  yes it sucks but DEAL WITH IT.

and the best way to do that, is just get a job any job ASAP,  find a MJ Hookup ASAP, and make a Big Buy ASAP. like $100 at least. buy a BIG bag of MJ.

get on disability because i have too much anxiety to work a job like a normie, then spend money on MJ hahaha.

those fookin phaggots rejecting me for the part time job when there were THREE openings. god damn. 3 openings and less than 30 people in the running. how the HELL was i not in the top 20%? where DID I rank? HOW close was I to getting the job? and what if i WASNT EVEN CLOSE?

again they probably wanted somebody who was perfectly happy with part time job, rather than someone who admitted yeah my goal is to get a full time job. probably hired a retired 65 year old person who just wanted something to DO to keep from getting BORED with retirement hahahahaha. fookin baby boomers.

rather than 50 year old people who are FORCED into early retirement and have to eat dogfood and live in section 8 housing with negros hahahahaha. elderly white people living in the black ghetto, eating dogfood. which is also black slang for heron.

ANYWAY. so i will crap on deathspell omega because……they are FRUSTRATING. basically they intentionally gave up catchy riffs in favor of super uncatchy “riffs” and its like they did this on purpose, they are purposely frustrating, and i liked that when i was 16 but now that i am over twice that age, im like, i want to listen to music to ENJOY it, not to work hard and struggle to overcome challenges and confusion. i have a hard enough time doing that in my daily life. just give me good songs. and i know they are capable of that! my favorite DSO songs are their slower more melodic ones!!!! “carnal malefactor” eg. beautiful song. write more songs like that. or the first song on “drought” was slow and melodic and establishes a very nice dark ominous atmosphere, before they tear it all down with their nonsense riffs…..and the nonsense riffs on “paracletus” actually seemed to work most of the time.

im getting too old for this shit hahahahahaha.

yeah but they are even older than ME! they are close to 40!

probably MJ would make it more enjoyable. i wonder if “hasjarl” does MJ. PROBABLY. knowing that would take a lot of the MYSTIQUE out. like this article on insvisible oranges implies: it seems RIDICULOUS to think of a member of DSO doing mundane things like going to walmart or tuning the guitar or having a goofy moment in the studio. to that i would add just about anything: hanging out with their waifu, taking a dump, going to work, trying to explain shit to angry customers, visiting their family. but they do all these things just like normal people, and yeah maybe i CAN imagine these things all too well, and so i think, no need to TRY so hard buddy. I KNOW youre just a damn normie! i bet he just gets super stoned and is like oh heres another wanky riff in 88/14 time that normie squares who haven’t taken jazz band 101 wont understand hehehehe. hue hue hue hue. yeah well youre a normie too buddy.

mikko aspa might not be a normie tho hahahaha.

this guy has actually gotten to the point of casual secs and can conclusively say that he is not impressed and he wants moar, but he just cant get to the second date. i mean if they FOOK on the first date, its a safe assumption theyre SOMEWHAT interested in you.  but noooooo they cant even fook you a second time!

i mean when a gurl FOOKS, how do you know whether she wants it ONLY ONCE, or more than once?

these stupid, stupid bitches. hahahaha. you think if he turned down the secs on the first date, then the women are gonna change their mind and want to go out with him for a second date?

WOMEN WHO FOOK ON THE FIRST DATE ARE NOT THE TYPE OF WOMEN YOU WANT TO HAVE A SECOND DATE WITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but nobody understands this anymore. there is not enough SLUT SHAMING!!!!!

treat people like actual people, human beings with feelings and hearts! thats how i treat women in real life! i talk a LOT of shit about women in general on teh internet, but in real life, with real women, I DO NO HARM!!!!!!!!!!

nov 2

yeah i was/am kinda pissed about getting rejected for the pt 15 an hour job with THREE openings. couldnt even get ONE of em. couldnt even get the WORST one.

interview tomorrow for goddamn ELEVEN dollar PT job, which is normally too low to consider for me, but i like the company, its close, i worked there before, i would luv to get FT job there, and ive had THREE interviews with them for pt 11 dollar jobs, all rejected, and the 4th tomorrow. (4 separate jobs.)

would LOVE to get call this week from the 2 other companies i int at last week. would def be disappointed af to get rej emails from them. not really PISSED, but definitely disappointed and weakened confidence. it cant get much lower folks hahahaha.

trump does not view women as full human beings, says hitlery hahahahaha. i thought, well, neither do I, but I would never want to personally do them harm. AND I view them as about 80% human beings, thats pretty good right?

still doesnt mean i would TREAT them as 80% humans, i wouldnt treat them like they have treated me hahahaha. they have treated ME like less than 80% human!!!!!!!!

anyway who cares. my new thing with interviews is, just memorize 10 stories in great detail.

let the STORIES be your guide.

i didnt know what i was doing, i couldnt explain the bad news to the caller because i didnt understand, i didnt udnetstand enough to ask the right questions to muh superiors, i got flustered. so i went home and studied the stuff until i did understand it. then the next day i called the caller again and gave them a better explanation.

even though most times just studying will nto give you the EXPLANATION you want. you still have to deduce the explanation for yourself out of the most unclear material. or speculate a reason or rationale or explanation why you Cant Do This, because nothing is given in a written company policy.

its usually safe to assume Money Is The Reason. saving money. and then you have to come up with a tactful way to explain that to the customer, we cant help you because it costs too much money.

i was watching this retarded show “taboo” which is semi entertaining, and then they did a show about “the limits of female beauty” or something and had a bit on The Most Anorexic Woman in the World, a french woman who LITERALLY looked like A Skeleton. I mean her actual FACE as well as her body was Emaciated AF and she looked like the Sloth Guy in the move Seven. looking at that face as haunting and horrifying. i said NOPE NOT GONNA WATCH THIS and i felt dirty being complicit in this very jooish exploitation.

id actually seen the episode before a few years ago. i recall they said this woman DIED shortly after the episode was completed. she was like 30 years old and LITERALLY at deaths door as they were filming, she was that bad, and she LOOKED that bad. it was HORRIFYING.

i know i was disturbed when i watched in the first time and when they showed her this time, i was super disturbed and just turned the show off. how jooish can you get.

 

sheeeeeit thats that type of stuff i worry about, now this poor sap is living it! guarantee this will be [removed] quickly hahahaha like most of the sweet reddits i post.

what if that woman did something like that? it wouldnt matter because she has been Ripped Out of my life for the past 16 months. 480 days hahahaha. who cares. doesnt matter. its all over. get over it.

so yeah my work stories suck because basically it was me getting flustered and saying uhh yeah i guess we cant do this, sorry, just deal with it, anything else i can help you with? so again, i have to SPIN those stories to show that I did Follow Up research to understand shit, and did callbacks to Clarify shit, in a world where NOTHING WAS CLEAR. half the time documentation didnt even EXIST. and the documentation that DID exist was WRONG, out of date, and or confusing/UNCLEAR AF.

and the people you can ask for help are often as unhelpful and unclear as the unclear shit you are asking for clarification on, so you learn to try to Figure It Out yourself.

anyway. ive sort of met the guy i will be talking to tomorrow. he used to walk through my department and i would give him a friendly greeting whenever i saw him. he seemed nice enough that he is actually the type who says hello to people, and i am the same way. yes thats right. im not this huge hateful asshole in real life. i am a scared coward who is so DESPERATE for peoples APPROVAL that i am super NICE to people all the time, like a total NICE GUY, the worst KIND of creep!!!!! hahahahahaha.

ok everybody wants approval. why cant we just call this golden rule. treat everyone the way you want to be treated. that is an even more valid explanation of me being nice to everybody. besides i dont stalk women like a nice guy. i send them a couple emails and let them throw me away with onyl minimal complaining.

i TALK like a huge abuser, but i have never ever ever abused a woman. but of course i worry that i would, because i TALK like an abuser when there are no women around. so its hard to tell. what is real and what is the mask?

i like to think im not REALLY an abuser. i have just been so disappointed by women that its very hard for me not to speak negatively of them. but alot of my stuff is legit criticism.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&rlz=1C1NHXL_enUS687US687&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=how%20do%20you%20convince%20people%20youre%20not%20an%20idiot

drop quotes by neil “magic black science man” tyson. maybe steven hawking. done.

http://archive.is/iSmnZ

stupid kyke hahahahaha why did i even trigger myself hahaha

http://introvertspring.com/introvert-may-slow-im-stupid/

yeah dont even tell the interviewer you are slightly introverted even as a way just to describe your personality is not super duper extraverted……..BECAUSE INTROVERTED IS A BAD WORD AND A BAD THING. Just say you are perfectly normal, a friendly polite person, and not necessarily the life of the party. Im just here to do a good job, not socialize. never let the word INTROVERT exit your lips. ANATHEMA.

i mean i havent done that recently, but i know i did at some point, maybe to explain why i prefer a Back Office Position over a Front Office Position.

they always say, ask her out on a DATE, BUT, problem is, youve been HANGING OUT a bit doing things that COULD be construed as datelike, where they only thing that changes is the word…..hey wanna go to dinner again…..but this time its a DATE???!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

yeah ok fine. if this is what you have to do, i’ll accept that. i would just rather say “i am starting to get changing feelings for you and might want to DATE you” would be just as good.

anyway. MW is now in the US. and uploading vidyas regularly. hope he keeps doing that. if the “dangerous haggis tour” stops near me i would like to see him. this is exciting. i am excited for him. he is pretty excited. hopefully he hangs out with plenty of hardcore WN’s hahahaha. his first stop was staying with antidem in san f4gcisco. all i know about antidem is that he is a joo and was banned from TRS for that. hes probably one of the good ones, but…….not a great start. just go stay with greg johnson hahaha. well i know “grindr greggie” also stays near NYC as well. anyway i am SURE they will meet up. and i hope MW records as much of his visit as possible. record everything. documentary. its just fun. i am happy for him. he is a great guy. hope he doesnt bang that woman hahaha. because that woman might have gotten into alt right stuff since i stopped talking to her. hahahahaha. yeah right.

but young women will do weird celebrity worship shit tho. for example, say youre obsessed with the band sublime, so you Chat with the dead singers mother or something. what if That Woman got all into alt right, then skyped with MW for months, and said, if you ever come to the US you can stay with me…….and fook me every way imaginable! no man could turn that down!

when a purty 7/10 25 year old gurl is giving you attention, smiling at you, interested in you, wants to see you…….that is a BIG boost to the confidence!

you might think, well she’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer…..but she doesnt NEED to be! she just needs to be nice and friendly and interested!

so yeah. she could def fook MW if she wanted. she could fook ANY man she wanted. ANY woman can fook ANY man they want ehehehehe. well…..she prob couldnt fook the donald. but an E-list internet “celebrity”? absolutely.

ok ok thats enough on that person.

but we just had a REAL relship! FACT! and it was important to me! FACT! and my feelings are valid! FACT! i am entitled to be upset when i lose a Real Rel that was very important to me! FACT!

trust the process hahaha.

basically, any way you look at it, it was a REAL RELATIONSHIP, and I can’t say that about many women. maybe 2 other women, both just friends, but decent real friends. the women i pseudodated, those were just brief pseudorels, CASUAL rels, i didn’t really know them, these were NOT REAL RELS, so ultimately its prob easier to get over something THAT NEVER REALLY EXISTED.

this shit really existed though. objectively. there is ironclad EVIDENCE that would hold up in court.

so yeah. you can ghost on a casual “rel”, but when you ghost on a REAL rel…….IT HURTS.

the end.

heard about retired guy, had great 30+ year career with DoD, prob insane pension, good man, he’s done well, good white family, good white man. gets PT job in retirement to just get out of the house. scheduled like 4 hours a day. shift starts at 830 am, but he’s gotta start working at 745 am to finish the shit he has to finish by 11:30 am or whatever. i HATE this shit. doing 45 minutes of unpaid work, on a THREE HOUR shift. so you are giving them 33% PERCENT MORE, for FREE. that is like working OVER TWO HOURS FOR FREE on a regular 8-hour day.

30 minutes extra, ok fine. an hour, that’s pushing it. and i am talking about a full 8 hour day.

i HATE when you have to work off the clock just to finish the shit you HAVE to finish by the end of your shift. thats so fooking GAY and JOOISH and I BET that that shit happens a LOT more now than it did 20 years ago.

and like i said before, you cant even brag that you are GREAT about doing this, as a way to demonstrate your value, because you shouldnt even be doing this. no. just say you do the work in 8 hours what average people do in 10. and then actually stay 10 hours to do 10 hours of work. but clock out after 8. fooking skypes. hehehehe.

PURGE THE BERGS AND STEINS!!!!!!!!!!1

had weird dream last night where i was with Woman2005B aka woman4. She was a weird pale white awkward nerdy virgin, very innocent. but also kinda bitchy and unpleasant. i felt woman2015 That Woman was innocent and sweet like her, but an improvement because That Woman was MUCH nicer to me. haha.

anyway in the dream she was smuggling heroin or something like that, and then i was smuggling HER with the heroin. and i was worried about getting her K’d, because people were looking for her and her drugs. I stood to profit from the whole deal too. i had fee fees for her and she was being bitchy and difficult. on the whole the dream was pretty scary with threats of death and violence. pretty sure i got separated from her. i think there was the idea she had gotten captured and was being raept and tortured. and i felt classic survivors guilt, like i sold her out so i could survive.

anyway not a pleasant dream at all. i had to force myself to wake up, and i was glad i did, because it was getting pretty bad. then i turned over on my other side and stayed awake for a few mins, then went back to sleep, no more dream.

andrew anglin is on the TRS forum now!!!!! oooo how exciting.

i guess my ideal career would be a Social Worker or a Counselor helping Neet men and virgin men, with neetism, despair, anxiety, rels, women, careers, becoming a normie.

but social workers dont DO That kind of work. they do work with people who are WAY more fooked up, like people who get abused, addicts, borderline, sociopaths, abusers, violent, drunks, poor blacks, felons, etc. people who are REALLY on the fringes of society, yet manage to reproduce, and ruin their children with their fooked up ness.

oh yeah. that woman in 2005, she was bitchy largely because I was a bitch and totally approached her the wrong way. namely by being a sloppy drunken fool who was clearly in luv at first sight with her. and i couldnt just be like hey wanna hang out like a normal person. i already hung out with mutual friends. if i had tried just talking to her directly one on one, i wouldnt have made such a damn fool of myself. when i am in a group, its harder for me to connect with the people individually……even if there is not as much pressure on me to “perform” and “be interesting.”

but yeah no one likes a drunk weirdo throwing themselves at you, im in luvvvvvvvvvvvvvv with youuuuuuu pleaseeeeeeeeee marry me.  just SO desperate.

and see i thought she was the perfect solution to woman2005A, who had dumped me shortly before, and i was heartbroken and hated her. but I found this GREAT woman shortly after! i guess that must be what a “rebound” is like………if i managed to date 2005B, which i didnt. so i was on the rebound, and got rejected by the rebound, hahahaha. downward spiral. shit i think the rebound girl would have been GREAT, she was better and qter than 2005A. if i had successfully “rebounded” with 2005B, that WOULD have probably fixed everything hahaha.

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/54138/how-to-tell-a-client-a-reported-bug-is-not-actually-a-bug-but-something-they

i should read this moar

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/23737/how-can-i-manage-an-in-person-job-interview-when-i-have-social-anxiety?rq=1

fookin successful normies hahaha nonnevergfs

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/55541/how-can-i-handle-a-co-worker-who-is-infatuated-with-me-but-denies-it?rq=1

aaannnnndddd heres the woman shitting everything up again. womaning up the workplace with her drama about all these creepy niceguys at work being infatuated with her and making her uncomfortable. women in the workplace is such a giant horrible clusterfook. woman in a male dominated field. FOOK YOU. get out of the male field hahahaha. believe me, they dont like YOU either. could actually get some work done without bitches in the office starting drama hahahahaha.

http://www.informit.com/articles/article.aspx?p=2133369

good thoughts here…..but how about some stories, examples, scripts.

i am JEALOUS of her that she has better skills at ADULTING than I do. can handle all those angry customers, tell them no, this cant be fixed, no, you cant talk to the manager, i am the manager now, i make 17 dollars an hour. explaining shit, or being like, no i dont need to explain this, it doesnt matter. just being able to work an adult job and live a mature adult life. so did she handle ME like a mature adult, because i was legit being that bad?

its never gonna be fun for anyone, answering those calls. youre ALWAYS gonna be nervous and stressed. but you just Face The Fear and Do It Anyway. and i jealous she has that skill. that she succeeded exactly where I failed ABYSMALLY.

well i have yet another chance to Face The Fear when going in for my interview tomorrow. another baby step. the 27th baby step.

but the thing is, heres the thing.wav, is that you have to be PERFECT in these things. whether its getting a JOB, or getting a WOMAN. ONE strike and youre GONE. there is PROBABLY more leeway once you actually GET the job (but not with the woman, with the woman, its always walking on eggshells, minefield, until you make that first, last, only mistake.)

like my job was HARD AS FOOK, but there was some leeway in there. ways to cut corners. I found out how to cut corners, how to evade calls, how to tack on a few minutes here and there, taking long lunches, long breaks, figuring out what i could get away with, how to play the game.

but yeah GETTING into the job is so hard!

well, getting into THAT job was SO easy.

but yeah it IS discouraging to get rejected again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again. and i AM pissed that they couldnt hire me for at least one out of THREE part time jobs at the city. that really irks me. one job i can understand. THREE is just insult to injury. REALLY? I wasnt one of the top THREE?

but yeah its gotten me worried about the OTHER two jobs from last week. I would be ECSTATIC, LIFE CHANGER to get any of those two.

and yeah it sucks that WOMEN can handle “adulting” as the women on reddit call it (really gotta stop reading that shit), but it sucks even more than SHE can handle it. i mean yeah she is pretty much my nemesis hahahaha. it just KILLS me how she can totally succeed where I have failed and throw me away like nothing.

ADD INSULT TO INSULT TO INJURY. that’s like TWO insults on top of injury. BROOTAL. SAVAGE.wav.

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PUNCH OUT THEN KEEP WORKING

july 1

shit. i hate that you just cant be an ok people person. you gotta be a MASTER people person just to get a 10 DAH job or get some fat slut. if you have the SLIGHTEST anxiety or autism or awkwardness…..1% is as bad as 100%. 2 is as bad as 10 hahaha. all or nothing. no in between.

you have to be all or nothing because the WORLD is all or nothing. jobs, women, life, hahaha.

sometimes  while browsing the indeed list you find a job thats SO GOOD you HAVE to apply for it RIGHT NAO. So go ahead and do that. thats a good thing. like i found one today: day shift, full time, mailroom clerk for large IP law firm. Dayum.

using A Spreadsheet and a Stopwatch to calculate the Exact Average of how long it takes me to do a Job Application.

with 3 down so far, the average is 15 minutes. has varied from 6 to 27 minutes.

this is actually making it slightly more interesting. maybe this is a holdover from my stupid job, where all our calls were timed and we could see a dashboard of how many calls we had each day, average time of calls, total time IN, etc.

i kinda liked improving my numbers. also it gave me some Hard Numbers. of course it also allows the company to Measure More and to crack the whip harder. 20 minutes average call time? get it down to 19 and we save 1 million dollars a year and can give execs moar bonuses and cut more people from YOUR department!

but in general i think the stopwatch is a great idea for THIS, muh job SEARCH, and getting a handle on exactly HOW long it takes to do EACH application, and what a reasonable number of apps per day is. i have been shooting for 8 but that’s cetainly low. but HOW low?

ok well my average is now at 17 minutes. thats with short ones and annoyingly long ones. only have 6 so far. i figure 100 might be a better sample size.

not that i havent already done over 210!!! 232 as a matter of fact. hehe.

today had a first, applied to USAJOBS, something for the army. FEDGOV hehehehehe.

17$ DAH job working with like army kids? child care technician? well in the FEDGOV they make 17 bucks an hour with bennies. GS 04 or some shit.

SO i figured that 5% of applications will get an interview. 1 out of 20. i mean that is ABOUT what its actually been. about 10 interviews for 200 applications.

well REALLY its 9 interviews for 230 applications hahahahahahahaha. but NO, cuz when I HAD the 9th interview last week, I had only about 200 apps in.

ok, so 9/200.

SO, assuming about 5% chance of an interview, it is THEN safe to assume that 5% of INTERVIEWS will result in a JOB. THEREFORE, you have to put in about 400 applications, therefore get 20 interviews, in order for you to get 1 job.

so shoot for 400 applications.

about ABOUT 20 minutes per application, that is 133 hours.

and that is 3.25 weeks of Full Time Work hehehehehe.

and right now I am showing 17 minutes per application, not 20.

why the hell didnt i start measuring this in a spreadsheet EARLIER?

because when you Train Yourself, it takes you MONTHS to stumble on things that a Trainer would show you right away. Best Practices. Best Practices do not always come quickly.

and this is a pretty obvious no brainer. use a spreadsheet as a tracking system to measure Metrics. its not exactly out of left field.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/advice-on-how-to-red-pill-my-fiance/37312/11

this guy does not seem super smart but he is a manly white man who carries a Glock hehehe and doesnt want his qt white gf associating with trash. cuz her friends are trash and her family is trash and she gets the attention of blacks hehehe but she miraculously is not a huge slut. so says the boifran hahaha.

i know that feel, that woman was CLOSE to trash but she was not herself really trashy. she didnt want to be trash so she dumped her trashy friends. i hate to think she thought of ME as TRASH.

well at least TRASH can WORK!!!!!

july 2

horry sheet, interview with the company i have submitted like 14 applications to this year and i NEVER thought they would interview me for anything more than a 9 dah pt job….has invited me to an interview for like a 32k to 46k FT job hahahaha.  so, doing that on thursday. afternoon of courshe hahahaha.

BIG reach here, but……it was kind of a reach just to get the interview!

They are interviewing at least 5 people.

I would prefer something a little less……involved, because I might be better qualified for something Lower, have a better chance of getting it.

I do know the application here had like 5 short answer questions that probably scared all the CASUALS and PUNTERS away hahahaha.

and made the Application Time like 30 minutes instead of 15 hehehe.

what was the manager doing sending emails at 10 30 pm on the friday of Fourth of July Weekend? why wasnt he out of town with his family?

this place has a Unionized Workforce and I thought they were serious about muh 40 hours and not a second more hehehehe.

well there are ways around that, you simply PUNCH OUT THEN KEEP WORKING hehehehehe.

how common is this? for people who want to make themselves look like they do more in 40 hours than they do? really for OT Exempt people its not an issue. then you just work 80 hours for the price of 40 as a general rule hahaha.

i am somewhat interested in the Goth Subculture, but its also kidna degenerate and the women are SLUTS. VERY high number. but they might be willing to help weak sissy beta guys gain experience and confidence in banging bitches, which is always good.

yes, bang those disgusting degenerate high number whores, just for EXPERIENCE and CONFIDENCE. THEN you will have a better chance at getting the women you DO want. there’s a reason they call them PRACTICE gurls. And you can’t get a Decent Woman without PRACTICE. Like like you can’t Win the Championship Game without PRACTICE.

just Wrap It Up and try not to lie too much. like don’t tell the gurl you’re in luv with her, OR that you will marry her, OR that you want a Real Relationship with her. It’s Only About The Casual Secs baby, whatsamatter, dont you think secs is FUN, ya prude?

but yeah i dont think there are any gothic gurls under 30.

also goths like phaggots and nihilism and drugs and are not masculine and all.

i would approach Goth in a way that championed Traditional Victorian Values, and wears a lot of black, and likes melancholy shit, but thats really about all. While also still being Masculine and promoting Morality and Family and Traditional Gender Roles.

at the same time i like gurls who are not super duper girly. That Woman was feminine but she was not super duper girly. in that she was chilled out and laid back and not into Drama. But she kinda was. at the end she couldn’t get out of the drama.

i dont mind minor drama, but major drama needs to be dealt with. women are so attracted to drama that they dont even want to deal with major drama, they just run away from it if its too much. leaving people in the LURCH.

they need a MAN to pull them out of the drama. And I was not man enough. shit i was CAUSING the drama. i didnt know how to FINISH it. well, i DID know that we PROBABLY needed to confront it and talk about it, and she didnt want to do that.

all the more reason I need to MAN UP and say THIS ENDS NOW and MADE her talk to me hehehehe.

so yeah. BIG interview thursday, one of the biggest. the manager has been working there for 12 years and is a (former?) CPA but this job is more in “systems.” he does not have a masters degree but does/did have a CPA and that is about as hardcore as a masters degree hehehehe. fookin tryhard.

applied for job as AP clerk for company, took 23 minutes, brought average up to 16 minutes hahahaha.

i only have 8 jobs in that spreadsheet, i suppose if i had all 230 jobs, it would be a more valid/accurate number.

lets just say the shorter the better. i would like it to be closer to 15 than to 30.

in 1980 it didn’t take you 16 minutes to do a job application (well maybe it did.)

but for DAMN SURE in 1980 you didnt have to do 400 job applications before you found a job!

but its good i have an interview for next week, i didn’t have one this past week. want to have 1 or ideally TWO eery week.

had a dream with THAT WOMAN last night, as i recall it was pretty long but i still dont remember much other than i was spending the night with her, but she was mad at me and we were arguing and i was sleeping on the couch or something. i was scared she was gonna LEAVE ME, that she wasnt willing to work this out. , that she had just Had Enough, it wasnt worth saving to her.

and of course that was what happened! but this dream at least pretended that we were actually Going Out.

I was also starting to care about her family. Cared about her single mother who had a possibly rough life but she was at least a good mother and probably a good person. cared about her brother and sister who seemed really nice and were not promiscuous degenerate drug addicts, they did not even smoke MJ. they just lived clean decent nice lives. Cared about her extended family who she told me about.

and now all of THOSE people were ripped out of my life too, her telling me you’re not allowed to care about them any more, you’re done with ALL of us.

so that was an extra element which made things even more painful. I felt closer to her because I felt I kinda knew her family. again, not something i normally do with women.

she had an older family member who was not in good shape and that was causing her a lot of stress and worry at the same time as our thing fell apart. i felt guilty for Bothering her during such a difficult time. But I cared about the family member too! I shared her pain somewhat! and if she thinks it was all a Ploy to Get Dat Ass, she couldnt be MORE wrong!!!!!!!!

but i totally lost my frame and became weak and supplicating and BEGGING. I should have taken the FRAME of the MAN who COMMANDS respect….not a pvssy weakling who BEGS for respect! you put the foot down and say THIS IS HOW ITS GONNA BE.

hmmm this qt young gurl (7-8 years younger than me, very cute and nice, low number, she got married tho, like at age 22, well good for her hahaha.) sent ME a linkedin connect today and i accepted it. I had seen HER many times but did not ask to connect with her because she might think its creepy i was stalking her. well she is way more successful than me anyway. good career in health admin and is being promoted, moving up, didnt even get a damn masters degree, works with a bunch of other qt young women.  its hard to imagine they will become hambeasts when they are 40 like so many other women.

but they might not also become loving wives and mothers and just continue riding the coch carousel, so yeah, part of that is not becoming a hambeast. gotta look good to pull the alphamost coch. fat hambeasts can only pull thugingras hahahha. i hope SHE becomes a fat hambeast. her mother didnt unfort. her mother still looks bangable. i should bang her mother in horribly degrading ways hahahahahahahaha

heh i set up a 50 cent monthly dnation to bernard chapin. lets see if HE complains about the dnation being too small hahaha. i really dont think he will. he is not that kind of guy tho. I wish he had found a good wife and become a father though. its SAD that at 46 he has Accepted he will always be a MGTOW. he is coming out with his new book “man going his own way.” I mock MGTOW’s now, but not too long ago, I considered myself a mgtow, and uncle bern is the best example of the best of mgtow. he is a very good honorable man and THATS why he needs to stop being a mgtow and become a father! hes not race aware enough, let alone 1488. well, i will stop my dnation if he ever has a keeid with a nonwhite or advocates race mixing hahaha, which i dont think he will.

AN IMPOSSIBILITY UPON AN IMPOSSIBILITY

1117

well i want to start on my affirmations again, i started a new file and am trying to practice them. real flashcard type stuff. for example:

POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS ABOUT THE SELF
created: 11 16 2015

I deserve a partner who loves me for who I am and treats me kindly.

I deserve a job which recognizes and rewards my skills.

I am a great communicator.

I have great interpersonal skills.

Dear GOD Please help me. (might be too desperate hahaha)

I deserve kindness and open communication in a relationship.

I am not an abuser and did not deserve the harsh way I was treated.
(they say not to use “not” but cant think of better way to phrase it)

I like and respect women when I get to know them individually.

I am working to overcome adversity and be a man.

I am dealing with legitimately stressful and traumatic life events.

I accept that Its Over Forever.

I cannot make her change her mind even if shes making a mistake.

I do not want to be with someone who would have to be coerced into being with me.

It is legit devastating to lose someone important to you; it will take a long time to get through this protracted pain, but I am doing it day by day.

I will treat myself like I would treat a beloved friend. For whom I would only want the best. Give them solace, comfort, and the truth.

It takes a long time to stop loving somebody, about a year. I am getting through it and facing it one day at a time.

I do not hate or judge anyone. I treat people as individuals.

I am a good worker and worthy of being hired into a 15DAHJ.

It is legit VERY painful to be dumped by someone you love. I didnt want the rel to end. That’s why it takes a long time to get over. I was not ready for the rel to end.

It legit hurts to be abandoned.

its harder to get over when you are the dumpee because you didnt want it to end.

But I am getting over it one day at a time.

I provide excellent customer service.

I genuinely want to help custmers, clients, people in general.

I am worthy of attenion and love from women.

I am constantly improving every day in every way (hahahaha)

////

so there it is. i am just starting out.

went to the fatness last night for 2 hours of treadmill and got about 7.2 miles in with decent amount of jogging at 5 and 6 mph. got extremely sweaty, pouring sweat, shirt ridiculously soaked with sweat, often as young women were using the treadmill right next to me. surprisingly and pleasantly, i did not care. i was secure and comfortable with my sweaty hairy potato body. wiping my sweaty face with a damn paper towel.

now did i not care because i hated and felt contempt for the woman? like oh shes a slut she can go suck d’s and ride the cock carousel anyway? uhhhh i hope not.

That Person was in decent shape and had a very nice body and she did not go to the GYM at all. if she did she would just get MORE fawning attention hahahahahahahahaha from guys who wanted to fook and or luv her.

well its a good thing for me to go here and get rid of calories and such. i think this is the only way i could have a change at pulling a woman who doesnt look like a potato hahahaha. so maybe one day i could be worthy of the ugliest fattest gurl at the gym. who would be a marked step up from fat ugly women who dont go to the gym.

i really have the greatest sympathy for the fatties and oldies and uglies, because at least they are TRYING. they dont HAVE to be here. they could be watching talmudvision and stuffing their fat faces. but instead they are here huffing and puffing on the treadmill with me.

i tried the “elliptical” well i dont even know what it is called. you pedal with your feet in a vaguely walking elliptical shape while pumping the levels with your arms. it is like a very exagerrated shape based off running, but it feels like it would be easier on your joints and such, less impact. which is great, but even on level 1 it was kind of exhausting, way more exhausting than the treadmill. i watched people going at 5 mph average and i was like shit i can barely do 3 on this thing! 3 on this thing is twice as hard as 3 on the treadmill! i stayed on it for 10 minutes then went back to the treadmill.

the problem is people are always jogging. never walking. and when they are walking they are powerwalking at like 4 mph. my ideal pace is 2.8 mph. i dont care for constant powerwalking.  but all these people around me are always jogging like morons, so i have to jog moar; or i see a fit black man and then a fit white woman, and then i think, well, i’ve gotta directly compete with HIM for HER, and right now he is beating my ass in the competition.

these sound like hateful weird thoughts but they are not obsessive at all, i might be right next to the fit black guy and it doesnt bother me. what is 900000000000000000 times worse is the thoughts of THAT PERSON and also of trying to Rebuild Life.

might be getting sore throat or some kind of infection from being around all those damn people hahahaha.

it was like being at job in room with 50 sick people ahcking and coughing because they couldnt take unpaid time off because we were ON BLACKOUT, so they just came ot work sick, got everyone else sick, and everyone was answering a nonstop stream of phone calls trying to fix weird confusing shit where we knew even less than the caller, while trying to meet all our metrics and do things we didnt know how to do, al while explaining things we didnt understand to the callers hahahahaha while hacking and coughing and

even in 1964 the beatles were totally degenerate with songs like “a hard days night.” ok he was talking about working all day, and there are a number of songs like this, but the impression i get was that they are complaining about tedious factory work which was available in the west in the 60s to working class unskilled young men; rather than even lower paying and more anxiety inducing customer service work; because if youre anxious all the time, you cant be creative musically. you dont even want to LISTEN to music. anyway all the way back in 1964 they were making innuendoes to all the degen secs things they were gonna do to their Slag Shackjobs.

when did The Pill become widely available? 1968 (guessing)? so why such celebrations of recreational secs in 1964 then?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Combined_oral_contraceptive_pill

Although the FDA approved the first oral contraceptive in 1960, contraceptives were not available to married women in all states until Griswold v. Connecticut in 1965 and were not available to unmarried women in all states until Eisenstadt v. Baird in 1972.[89][93]

ok how about uk

In October 1961, at the recommendation of the Medical Advisory Council of its CIFC, the FPA added Searle’s Conovid to its Approved List of Contraceptives.[131] On December 4, 1961, Enoch Powell, then Minister of Health, announced that the oral contraceptive pill Conovid could be prescribed through the NHS at a subsidized price of 2s per month.[132][133] In 1962, Schering’s Anovlar and Searle’s Conovid-E were added to the FPA’s Approved List of Contraceptives.[111][129][130]

so in other words, unmarried slags could easily get the pill in UK before in USA, by the time of beatles 1964.

i wonder if getting rejected by a decent marriageable woman is more painful than getting rejected by a dirty single mom slut.

hell yes! because its ACTUALLY someone you would WANT to be with long term! its a higher quality person! and you cant blame it on them being a fickle stupid whore, but rather on yourself for not being quality enough of a man!

but at any rate, even if that person was a quality marriageable woman……..the way she rejected me was not classy at all. THIS IS NOT THE WAY A DECENT WOMAN REJECTS A MAN.

yeah i just cant be a real mgtow because i want women too much. i dont want to exclude women from my life. i dont want to quit women. i would rather keep enduring damn heartbreak and disappointment for the change to make it work even just one time with one woman. maybe i would be willing to hang out with damn stupid sluts. provided they are in their 20s, dont have kids, and are attractive hahahaha. its probably better to have meaningless slutsex than never be with women at all ever. then when you get demoralized by the slutsex, just quit.

but recreational casual slutsex CAN teach a man to become a better MAN, whereas it teaches women NOTHING about being a better woman. its makes them a WORSE woman.

Richter, Max:Sleep: Path 19 (yet frailest)

something i heard on the classical station yesterday that really grabbed me

very nice. new music does not usually grab me.

this was super chill yet sad and i thought this is like the theme music to my life hahahahahaha

when you GET DUMPED by someone you luv, it takes a LONG TIME to get over fully, as in, to stop thinking of them every day, to have them fade into the past, for you to be ready to luv someone else. or maybe even like them. yes the fact that they dumped you when you didnt want to get dumped is VERY relevant and makes it SUPER painful.

i didnt want it to end. i wanted it to get stronger. i was in luv with her. and then that all came VIOLENTLY to an end, of her initiation. you think thats NOT gonna hurt for a long time? you think ANYONE would get over that quickly? only a SOCIOPATH COULD get over quickly.

she will get over it quickly because

1. she didnt have any feelings

2. she WANTED it to end.

i had a TON of feelings, and i SO didnt want it to end, and it ended in the most trainwreck way possible. so OF COURSE it will take a lonnnnngggggg time to get over. something would be wrng with me if it DIDNT take a LONG time!!!!!

do i have shyness, or social anxiety? wtfs the difference. i have both hahahaha.

so what do i say when describing this woman to future women? just say i Dated her for 2 and half years and i got dumped? cuz Women Wouldnt Understand how I could LOVE someone i never FOOKED. cuz FOOKING is the be all end all for Most Women hahahaha.

fook it. i will just get patronizing and say you dont have to FOOK someone to LOVE them. LOVE is build on trust and long term compatibility. which we had. therefore i luved her.

Proverbs 26:11 King James Version (KJV)

11 As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.

hahahahahaha i know i had heard that one before. i guess dogs eat their own puke. why not.

hey come on when a gurl TRULY LUVS a man and HE dumps her, how do you think SHE feels? HORRIBLE! DEVASTATED! and it takes a LONG time to FULLY get over him. USUALLY it drives them to do real stupid things: casual secs, stalking him, remaining in constant contact, behaving REALLY SHAMEFULLY in other words, and i have done none of that. i am not deluded. i still want her to change her mind…….but i know she wont.

1118

In my experience it’s usually a waste of time and energy, when someone treats you with utter contempt, to respond with respect.

says a commenter on youtube.

well i tried to treat her with kindness and luv, not sure if i was capable of “respect” , but i was like pleeeeeeeeease work with me her, please talk to me.

how can it NOT be harder to be the dumpee. you DONT WANT the rel to end. they do, and THEY end it. meanwhile you are flailing and grasping saying please no dont leave me i dont want this to end.

supposedly they might feel guilt later but still. i think it is way worse to be the dumpee. cuz you never wanted it to end.

had a stupid dream where she sent me a long text message. i didnt even read the whole thing which was weird. i immediately called her but got voice mail. i left a long voice message saying thank you for contacting me, i really really want to talk to you, im not mad at you, please lets reconnect, please lets talk asap, call me, email me, text me, please respond. i cant remember what exactly the text message she sent me said. why didnt i read it closely? possib because it didnt matter to me, just the fact that she was contacting me at all. she could have been saying sorry i dont have feelings for you but lets be friends again if you promise not to be weird hahahahaha.

well it wasnt my feelings itself that was weird, it was the fact that we could never have 10 minutes alone privately to talk. i didnt want to talk at the job. i really couldnt. it was an unchill place and all the discussions were about the job, becuase you knew in less than 10 minutes you were gonna go back inside that building and get slammed with something ridiculous. you couldnt have a serious conversation about Life.  thats why i wanted to hang out outside of work!!!! like we used to!! before i scared her away by being weird weirdo hahahaha. and this is seriously the level of analysis by Some Women. asking them to consider WHY he was being so weird is an Exercise In Futility.

but yeah i dont really WANT to be a MGTOW, cuz its kinda SAD. in some ways i do NEED a woman, in that i feel it is My Calling to one day Be With a Special Woman, rather than never having that happen. i found a woman that was Super Special. my search was done. now i just had to have her want to be with me. finding the decent woman is one impossibility. having her WANT to be with you is another impossibility.

its an impossibliity upon an impossibility!

she had some “baggage” but it was not dealbreaking baggage. like if a gurl has ever been raped or molested or abused as a young gurl, that really messes them up. or if they have gone through a big slut phase, having casual recreational secs with all their many male friends.

she had no good father figure which was potential baggage, but she wasnt raped or abused and never became a slut, had a decent mother, never had that rebellious phase where the teen gurls start doing drugs and slutting it up and really seeking tons of male attention. all those pitfalls for gurls with absent fathers. she avoided them thankfully. grew up to be a decent woman with morals and values. and it hurts a lot more when these women reject you. cuz its a decent marriageable woman. something of real value is lost. you are losing someone that is truly important to you and not just some dirty gutter slut.

well to my credit i have not fallen for dirty gutter sluts in like 6 years.

but its more painful to be rejected by decent good women.

i have to live with the fact that i will NEVER fully understand this situation and why she did that. because she was angry because i was weird. so I was the root cause, me and my weirdness. well i was being weird because she was being distant! and it hurts when someone is good to you then they stop being good to you!

Some Women do this all the time. just lose interest. or turn cold.

i have never Just Lost Interest in somebody I was once close to. I have drifted apart from people due to time and distance, where it seemed kind of mutual. but if they contacted me i always eventually responded respectfully. i appreciate the friendship we once had.

IT HURTS TO BE ABANDONED! i cant believe i need to explain this to All You Women! I KNOW you’ve been abandoned before! by your fathers, by deadbeat badbois who you were in luv with and never lost interest in.

but yeah to get BORED with a PERSON because they were interesting like a new shiny toy one minute…..then the next minute you move onto the next new shiny thing, discarding and replacing the “old” one (really only a few weeks or months “old.”)

talk about OBJECTIFICATION!

how do you think that makes the discarded person feel? that they were only interesting enough to hold your damn attention for a few weeks/months?

then they may blame themselves but of course its really the damn womans fault. treating people like Interest Objects, new shiny toys that quickly lose their luster.

it speaks more of the woman than of the “toy”/man!!!!!!

“but if you were more interesting, i wouldnt lose interest in you”

do any of your REAL friends say that about you?

but These/Some women arent your real friends. they arent loyal to you, they dont like you for who you are, they just wanted recreational secs with you, decided that even that was too WEIRD, and then dumped you hahaha.

i think men naturally want to be with women. and the marxist sexual revolution and the pill and abortion and “womens lib” and all that affected women directly. and by affecting women it affected men.

NEVER give women loyalty that they haven’t EARNED. no they cannot earn loyalty by secs, although they used to, before they became MERCENARIES. not a good way to be. the best way they can earn your loyalty is through THEIR loyalty. note how loyal they are to you and make an effort to be NO MORE LOYAL than THAT.

THis can be challenging because its in men’s nature to be loyal.

women naturally have a pandoras box within them that naturally must be suppressed or managed or held back.

that seems kind of weird. i mean why should your natural state be destructive?

are woman naturally r-selected? if anything women should be K selected and men r selected. so i dont think thats the point exactly.

well i think sensible women dont WANT to be promiscuous chad chasers. and they DO view secs as the serious thing WHICH IT IS. they realize that casual sex is bad for woman, and that sex is for reproduction FIRST, and pleasure a very distant second, even if the pleasure might be substantial. but that is ONLY in service of the PRIMARY goal: to REPRODUCE. to have babies. for which women have the lions share of the responsibility because they CARRY the child. they GET PREGNANT.

how can women not understand this, as women? because theyve been brainwashed and their mothers have been brainwashed. therefore i have to Mansplain and Cissplain (hahahahaha) what it means to be a woman hahahaha.

but really have i had to cissplain all that to actual live women? no not really. because i never associated with women who were Like That. I Chose My Women carefully hahahahahaha. so its all the more disappointing when they reject me hahaha.

i am tempted to contact other people to contact her on my behalf, but certainly she would see that as further PROOF of my weirdness and try to slander me as WEIRD to those people. she probably already HAS. like oh i stopped talking to him because he was acting totally WEIRD and it made me FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE. oh well that settles it, he’s the bad guy, you dump him to the curb gurlfran, what a piece of shit he is for making you feel uncomfortable! thats as bad as abuse or rape!

when the sensible thing to say was, well he was just being weird cuz he had feelings for you and you kept blowing him off, he wasnt a bad guy, you should at least write him an email, he is probably heartbroken, and you dont want that on your conscience.

tfw a person shows INTEREST in you, then over time they lose that interest. it hurts. i cant believe i have to spell this out. but do i really?

did i feel ABANDONED by the previous women who rejected me? well kinda. but this one is worse. the feeling that they just GIVE UP on you. then you go between well why dont you just GIVE ME A CHANCE, and oh shit i am just worthless, thats why they gave up on me.

but i never had someone just run/walk away from me like this. they always sat me down and talked to me in the other cases. i was still upset and mad at them, in fact i was MORE mad at them! and i still wanted to make them change their mind.

i want to be more mad at her, rather than making excuses like she was overwhelmed and bewildered and i caused all this, i was the root cause. well i do get mad at her sometimes though.

its harder to get over when you are the dumpee because you didnt want it to end.

but yeah it showed me no luv or no regard. and i was so touched to have gotten True Positive Interest from her in the past. that warmed my heart to have a nice purty young woman show interest and kindness to me and certainly set the stage for me getting feelings. it is nice to have purty young women be nice and friendly to you. showing that Feminine Warmth in that unique way only a woman can. then they take it all away and leave you with that horrible coldness that only women can. like night and day. maybe she was just bipolar. i dunno. i will never know.

i dont want anyone else. i still want her. that is a sign i am still not over her. which is fine. i said it would take a long time to start wanting anybody else, at least a year.

but yeah i still want to see an email from her in my inbox saying sorry for everything, i overreacted, i shouldna done that, please forgive me. when at the end i was begging her to forgive ME, hahahahaha.

its funny, she thinks she is in the right, and i am always blaming myself, playing right into her story. when really she was more at fault. and also its a shitty thing to just abandon people like that, she SHOULD apologize.

its not like she was going through the motions because she was afraid to DUMP me. there were no motions to go through. we werent fooking or “in a rel.” she just wanted to DUMP me without saying anything about it. best of both worlds!

like when a women in a rel “checks out” and “goes through the motions” but she still fooks the man and spends time with the man, becuase she is too cowardly to dump him outright.

well she wasnt too cowardly to dump me, but she was too cowardly to dump with Talking! or even a text! or a post it note!

i know she had been abandoned before and that is a precursor to this, but i never been aware of HER abandoning someone until now.

she never abandoned her boifrans. she didnt really abandon her friends, she did let friends drift away because they were drugged up losers, and thats a valid reason for letting someone drift away.

god damn i wish she would come to her senses with Hindsight and see that she was out of line.

i was a little out of line. but she was waaaaayyyyyy out of line.

but she had some family issues and couldnt think straight.

well i had some other issues and couldnt think straight either hahahaha.

but its weird. most women experience by age 19 what i have been trying to experience even since like age 13: a loving monog longterm rel with intimacy and secs.

now for them they dump him when they are in their 20s because they want more adventure and excitement and to really discover themselves, break hsi heart, and become a huge slut hahahaha.

well she didnt even do that. ! if anything her bf dumped HER or at least they both mutually wanted out of it because it was filled with fooking problems and arguments. there was no one person begging the other person to stay. please stay, please reconsider, please change your mind, please dont dump me!

yeah my trainwreck was ANYTHING BUT MUTUAL. it literally felt like being thrown under the bus.

went to the DMV and it was both better and worse than expected. it was the middle of the day so only unemployed bums like me can go at this time and it still took forever hahaha. there was an ad saying they were hiring temporary positions at 11DAH. i thought about this before even getting there, and i figured, WELL, its a STATE agency, therefore they HAVE to start out at at LEAST 15DAH, and have GREAT benefits, and union, and 37.5 work week, and paid overtime for every hour of overtime rather than expecting you to work 60 hours a week with no OT because you are salaried-Exempt.

nope 11DAH temp and probably no benefits becuase you are classified as a temp?

besides benefits always suck unless you sign up before getting cancer.

a “bogan” is an australian CHAV or white trash hahahaha.

yeah that machine at the gym that i didnt like as much as the treadmill was indeed what could be called an “elliptical” haha

yeah its just fooking gay, i feel like i will never find another woman as good as her, its all downhill from here, i must have done something really bad to push away such a good person.

when REALLY all it was is, she never shared my feelings to begin with, we never went out, she wanted to be just friends, i didnt, she thought my feelings were weird, and everything ended. pretty common situation. it would be worse if she strung me along!

well then i would take the time to actually explain the shit to her.

 

RODGER MANIFESTO 2

may 27

this manifesto is gonna take at leasdt 2 full posts, maybe 3. [nope 6.]

so he’s right that the world is a brutal and f00ked up place and wimmin are crazy and stupid and vile, but killing people is not the way to fight for your place in it. you only kill people if they come at you wanting to kill you. otherwise it’s horribly immoral and sociopathic and crazy, crazier than the degenerates he despised.

plus these people aren’t really THAT degenerate. they’re just normalfags, who SEEM really degenerate and weird to us autists, hahahaha.

a stronger older male role model would have helped him. his father was kinda weak; the best shot he had was his Cool French Friend Max. he was always jetsetting across the world to malaysia and england and morocco, he could have easily gone back to france to hang out with max more and asked max to help him get laid.

mostly rodger was too disgusted and angry with the male popular cool sexhavers to really try to befriend them and learn from them.

some cool kids are mean brutes, but others are nice chill and can help you, like that guy max.

but really maybe nothing could have helped this kid. lost cause. because if you think going on a killing spree called the Day of Retribution is right, you’re not right!

Now during my own college days, it was frustrating to see all the beautiful young gurls, and indeed i was angrier back then, and occaisionally entertained a story idea of a guy going on a murder suicide spree, but I never intended to do it myself! as much as I was angered by the gurls, I was always even MORE angered by MYSELF at being Scared Of Gurls, of not being able to rise to this challenge.

I was much more angry at mySELF, and thus way more likely to K myself than to K others! that is the main difference between me and rodger. I knew I was the main person at fault here, and was super angry at myself.

so i tried to block out dem bad feels with lots of alcohol and w33d. he tried to block them out with vidya. i think alcohol and w33d are more effective at blocking out bad feels, but have worse long term consequences.

also the college classes he took were f00king useless. psychology, sociology, history, geography, polisci. COME ON. take a damn STEM program or GTFO and be kissless virgin 4 life.

also his obsession with “pretty blond” girls is creepy hehehe. he should have just banged a fat ugly gurl.

seeing tons of pretty blond girls filled him with rage, yet he put himself in places that were filled with pretty blond girls. at least in the all boys high school and then the alternative high school, he was able to avoid that and not kill people.

also he never sacked up and actually talked to a gurl, he always blamed them for rejecting him when he never actually got really rejected by them. but he was right that they would have thought he was a creep! and they would have rejected him for it.

yeah he cries too much. i NEVER cried that much. so he was SUPER emotional, prone to extreme emotions of sadness and anger. maybe a bit bipolar in there, hahaaha.

when i was raging, raging, raging, right before passing out drunk, I might cry melodramatically while listening to sad music, upset a specific gurl had rejected me, but that was about it. certainly not every day like this freak!

sure, i get hopeless and sad and angry a lot, but I barely ever CRY. haven’t cried in YEARS. it really took Alcohol to make me that super emotional. heh. all muh feelz are kind of dull,  even the hopelessness is dull, so it’s not intense to cry about!! i couldn’t even force myself to cry if i wanted to! i would rather say, f00k this, just take a NAP instead. get some sleep, probably feel better after sleeping on it.

dropping his classes immediately. he gives up even easier than I do!

also, if he had taken useful STEM classes, there would be the benefit of having No Pretty Gurls in the class. that would be a win win.

ok so once he did get raging enough to approach a group of people and try to hang out, they asked him why he was so quiet, gave him more alcohol, he puked and blacked out and got so drunk he didn’t even remember what happened.

yeah i do know that feel where even alcohol doesn’t help with the Social Anxiety. you can drink enough alcohol to Black Out, Pass Out, Puke, but you STILL can’t talk normally with cute gurls.

that DOES honestly suck, and at that point I would recommend switching to benzos. and yet it took me until my late twenties to even realize that simple idea. and i’m not even sure it would work. but it might!!!!!

i do think his assburgers made it hard for him to make friends. because he was so rigid and would get so easily upset. when to make friends you just have to be pleasant and agreeable and not rock the boat and it takes time and work hehehe. it’s really NOT that easy hehehe. but constantly getting mad and crying is not a good way to do it. just nod your head and agree with everything they say, even if you don’t, and get them to talk about their lives, buy them lunch, etc. smile at them etc, ask how about u.

heck even LIE if you have to, say yeah you’re not a weird virgin, you’re just on a dry spell right now and feeling a bit low since some b1tch dumped you.

why didn’t he do drunk video gaming with some male friends?

or realize that you can have great, memorable times with male friends?

well, to be fair, at that age, I was so Horny and Lonely myself that all I could THINK about was grils (still think about Them a lot!) that unfortunately my male friends kind of got the short end of the stick, and I didn’t appreciate them as much as they deserved.

BROES BEFORE HOES!

 

ELLIOT RODGER

may 25

so the kinda big story of the day re violent crime in the US is the Killing Spree of “Elliot Rodger” which has the interesting element of him having a 141-page manifesto, being an Aspergers, having no social skills, being a virgin, being a kissless virgin at age 22, seething with rage and entitlement, finally snapped and killed women (and men!) and was very misanthropic, and had a manifesto detailed the Day Of Retribution, was butthurt about all the beautiful blond college gurls around him being sluts with all the normalfags but never him.

heh. i woulda liked the story better if he were not insanely rich.

my question is why didn’t he just use alcohol.

all women could obviously tell he was Creepy and Aspergery, and of course Aspergers have bad social skills and have trouble making male friends let alone seducing cute young gurls.

so I grant that, I accept that.

of course you and I have have similar feelz as this guy, when we were 22 year old kissless virgins way back in the day, surrounded by young wimmin spreading their legs and 4sses for everyone but us, because we had the worst social skills ever and didn’t know how to talk 2 grilz.

but still we knew that we shouldn’t KILL PEOPLE, that killing is morally even worse that what those gurls were doing, throwing themselves away on 9000 cox. you still don’t KILL them.

yes, for the record, raeping them is wrong too.

also, why didn’t he just raep wimmin? i guess because he didn’t want that, and he didn’t want a hooker, he wanted a cuddle true luv gurlfran to give him cuddling and true love sex.

which is understandable, we’ve all wanted that too.

SOOO…. he still could have used alcohol or benzos to loosen up and talk to wimmin. and then if there are drinking wimmin around, and you happen to be charming with your drunken self, sometimes you get lucky and get some Sex. hehe.  that’s sort of how it worked for me. and then I made the mistake of falling in luv with the Gril and thus was very butthurt for a long time when she dumped me and I wanted much much much of Dat Ass which I’d only had the smallest taste of.

Heh. I imagine this Rodger kid would have killed even more if he had experienced that! Finally pulled a real qt, got the smallest taste of what he wanted, then NEVER AGAIN.

Anywho, don’t kill people is the moral of the story.

but i would have preferred he was not as Elite and Rich, and was just an average Poor Slob Neckbeard.

Actually this kid was not a fat neckbeard, I guess he was good looking and a decent dresser. which Just Goes To Show, it’s Charisma and Confidence and Masculinity which are essential to Pulling Wimmin. Social Skills to some extent, that you are confident enough to be confident when talking to grills.

of course one of the dead kids fathers was crying about why so many gunz, but i disagree, if anything MORE GUNS would have PREVENTED something like this, and also the kid was in Therapy and had Masterz Degree Professionalz checking up on him, so they knew he wsa troubled, and there wsa nothing they could do to stop him. but however maybe if his roomate had a nice sidearm he could have shot the shooter before he even left the house.

anyway. these are just the .0000001% of crazies that are to be expected when you have such a large population. it was very likely he was way nuttier than just aspergers, probably some schizo or cluster B personality disorders. sociopath, narcissistic, psychopath, borderline, antisocial, etc.

anyway. i have a particular interest in people who snap and do spree killings: sandy hook, virginia tech, etc. i should make investigating them my career hehehe. how is the job openings looking there. hehehe.

anyway. if i can get action ANYONE can get action. now i certainly haven’t gotten a LOT of action, and I am certainly NOT satisfied with the small amount of action i have gotten. I have not gotten enough. hehehe. but i have gotten enough not to be a stark raving lunatic like this guy!

well, like i just said, even if i were a pure virgin, i would still be moral enough not to kill or be violent to people! and indeed right now I am a Born Again Virgin because I haven’t gotten Action in YEARS! like a LOT of years! and i have no desire to lash out violently against anyone! even huge cvmchvgging wh0res! even globalist bankster illuminati! even babykilling genocidal marxists! hehehe.

anyway. just because you are scared and nervous to talk to grills doesn’t make you a homocidal maniac sociopath asperger like this freak.

and nervousness in talking to grillz can be probably overcome with drinking alcohol. go to a party with a lot of alcohol, get your Buzz On, and find a drunk girl to talk to.

Of course, this gameplan gets harder as you get older and gurls get married and stop partying. and also as you become more and more of an alcoholic and you get be raging drunk and STILL be scared to talk to wimmin.

at that point i recommend benzos!

also, i know that when you’re young, it can be hard to find the Cool Parties With Gurls. I went to a decent number of Parties in my Youth, and a good 60% of those were Total Sausage Fests. If not 70%.

yeah i have no advice there. just that its a numbers game, so keep going to as many parties as possible. but don’t drink too much that your studies suffer, then you won’t be able to get a job, then you’ll be a total loser, hehehe.

also i’m thinking it might be the easiest to do a girl from behind doggystyle because then you won’t get nervous from staring her in the face, and you can just concentrate on pounding away at dat 4ss, and if she has a good 4ss, win win.

but you gotta talk to the grilz first. try alcohol or benzos.

SOCIAL COACH

june 20

yeah buddy.

ok i introduce the social coach about 2 days from now. great term, use it.

if you want to grow a long beard but your beard grows in a weird direction on specific sides of your face, like a “cowlick”, instead of growing straight out from your face like a normalf4g, such as myself, where the hair on the right side of my face grows almost up and out and looks terrible when it gets too long, but i wanted to have a long beard!!!

well, you can sort of “train” it with some water whenever youre in the bathroom, or just use your hands to guide it in a good direction throughout the day.

what i am trying now is actually putting some light GEL in it, playing with it to make the part that goes too far to the right to go to the left some more, and then leaving that it overnight so it gets nice and crusty, hehehe.

or today, putting some gel in and then using a regular Comb to Comb the beard in a straight down from the chin direction.

i usually hate the “goatee” look for being way too normalfag and douchbag, but I now make an exception as long as the goatee is LONG and the mustache part is LONG. AND you leave the rest of your beard at a neat #2 length rather than shaving it bald.

so it’s like a full beard with longer chin and mustache.

so i think after 900000 years i finally found the look for me.

it might not be the look for you!

so comb the chin beard with some gel, straight down and out, then let the gel dry and try not to touch it for 15 minutes.

or you could just use MUD like a dirty f00king dreadlock hippie!

also i think that a long walrus like mustache that goes over the lip is very masculine.

just ask all muh ladyfrands, hahahahaha.

http://shyness.meetup.com/

shyness and soc anx meetup groups incl group counseling, support groups, etc. if i have one near my area, you prob have one near your area. give it a shot, only $5 a pop.

there the shrink can be your social coach in talking to a bunch of other people, having practice convos with strangers, like what you would do on a job interview or a date with a b1tch. hehehe. i mean a wimmin.

unlike elliot rodger, i actually AM capable of having a completely normalfag social interaction, which is probably why i am not a kissless virgin thank god. just not all the damn time.

my thing is, i have extremely long dry periods.

for example, the first time i made out with a grill, i think it was between freshman and soph year of high school. i was….14 years old?? 14 or 15. not really a bad time to have your first make out! perfectly normalfag right???

absolutely!

but the NEXT time i made out with a grill was not until I was 21!!!!

so that was 6 or 7 years of bad luck hehehe.

and then i first had sechs with a gurl when I was 21, ALSO not a completely bad time for a guy to have first sechs. yeah, it’s a LITTLE beta, a LITTLE behind, but honestly happens more than you might think. a 20 year old male virgin is really NOT a big deal, even though I thought it was at the time.

the REAL big deal and thing to worry about was what followed: much as the long dry spell after first make out, the dry spell after first sechs has been ridiculous, like over 8 years. no joke.

so i had sechs with that gurl only a handful of times, got dumped, got very butthurt, if i were elliot rodger i would have killed 900000000000000000 people because i was in luv son, and did not like getting dumped at all.

actually, only 6 months after that, when i was 22, i had moved on quickly to another grill and was in luv with HER and was making out heavily with her, and ALMOST but not quite had sechs with her. I regret that, I really should have just stuck it in and plowed her hard, also that may have kept her from dumping me, and I could have ironically got some more valuable experience with sechs.

but i didn’t, and life goes on. and since then there has been no sechs. 8 solid years and then some after that. THAT was really the rough thing, not the fact that I had only made out with 3 grills and had sechs “only” like 4 times by the age of 22.

and then i made out with a gurl in early….well shortly after i turned 23. i was raging drunk, she was pretty drunk, we were drunkenly talking, and then decided to make out on a drunken lark. but she was not my type, not really too attractive, and i did not mind that it did not happen again.

hehe. and THAT was the last “action” i got. now that we’re getting technical.

lots of interesting observations out of these facts.

also: the first gurl i made out with at age 14 I didn’t really like. it was 2 girls. i was hanging out at the lake with my “cool” friend, so us 2 guys met these 2 gurls nearby and started hanging out all day, then at night with a fire, and then of course you’re supposed to make out. but i wanted to make out with the OTHER gurl, so i was a little conflicted when making out with the other gurl. it was frustrating and i vowed never to make that mistake again.

and i stuck to that, which is why i didn’t make out with a gurl for the next 7 years. i waited for a gurl i really liked. and so the next gurl i made out with, was the first gurl i had sechs with. and then got dumped after 4 sechs events. that sucked! but not as bad as being a kissless virgin!

BRETTY GOOD WEEK, 4/5!!!

wed dec 18 2013 2pm

writing right in wordpress. first blogging since started new job. gotta leave bretty soon. will get 10 precious minutes of blogging. used to have a real slow chillaxed job where I could go to google drive and blog without getting fired. now drive is blocked. course I am PLANNING on being on edge for at LEAST THREE MONTHS until I know the lay of the land. the ins and outs. just the ADJUSTMENT is stressful. going into muh third day here.

first day I say no less than Twenty-Five Hail Marys before going in. on the drive over, in the car, etc. First day went bretty good. had introductions. i know you hate intros too, but I did a decent one, go and do likewise: I announced straight up that I was Kind Of Shy and that it takes me a Little While to get comfortable with New People, but once you get to know me, you’ll see that I’m really a nice and friendly guy, but if at first I seem a little weird, it is just because I am nervous and shy at a new job, don’t take it personally. I said all that in a non spag pockets way.

Then I gave a polished, WHITEWASHED version of muh history, what job I had before, what I am “going to school” for, ie “computers.” Over and done in 20 seconds and everybody thought I was normal, and maybe just a little shy and nervous, like I had just said. and then they went around the room and forgot about me, hehehe.

Heck there was one or two people in the class of new hires that had a MASTERS DEGREE. Couple people with Bachelors Degrees, lots of people Working on Bachelors Degrees, some useful, some not, heck one lady with a Masters Degree had it in something Useful and Interesting that I usu associate with 60k and up jobs, real solid Middle Middle Class Jobs!!! and here she was at MY job, a Middle Middle Working Class Job at best. Maybe Lower Middle Working Class.

I LUV MY CLASS RANKING SYSTEM, DON’T YOU????

You got Working, Middle, and then Upper? Bourgeois? Elite? Heck you and me will NEVER be in that class, so it is irrelevant. (Actually I think Upper Middle Class would count as “Bourgeois” for my definition: Successful Lawyers, Successful PhD‘s, Medical Dockers, etc.)

But I focus mainly on Working and MIddle Obv. Each of these is divided into Three Thirds: Upper, Middle, and Lower.

Lately I’ve taken to dividing THOSE thirds into thirds just to be Super Ridiculous.

Hence, Lower Middle Working Class, or MIddle Lower Middle CLass, hehehehehehe.

saturday dec 21

well finally had a day off. damn getting my BODY used to this schedule is a big challenge. And it also is a big challenge LEARNING the job because they are making us learn A LOT. A LOT more than I did in muh previous job. orders of magnitude. at least 3 or 4 times more, at least. I thought I was getting paid a LOT, and indeed it is a big increase, but now I think Gee, I should be making at least one more dollar an hour if we’re expected to do all this! It seems very hard and complicated and potentially stressful. I know right away that I do not want to be there more than a year, unless I am getting a decent raise or promotion.

Now it might be difficult to find a chiller job that pays MORE, heck it WILL be difficult to find ANY job that pays more, but here’s the good news:

On the first day I was crapping muh pantz and saying 900000000000000 hail marys. day 2 I was still nervous but not as much. day 3, still nervous, but even better than day 2. by day 5, I felt the best I had all week. Confident and Happy. I still said a few hail marys mind you! but being able to improve on a DAILY BASIS has been very “empowering.” if a huge loser like ME can do it, ANYONE can, so can YOU!

nonetheless I have been using a few tricks to Play It Smart, and I will Share My Secrets Here:

I have been doing a lot of what I’ve said here before. I look for really nice people and just get them talking. Also, remembering people’s names is huge. in a classroom of 30 people we all have name cards and I have memorized 90% of the people’s names in 5 days. I will smile at them and say something like “Hi, Name, How Are You Today?” and 90% of the time, that is enough to get a great response out of them. I will sit there an say mm hmm, mm hmm, yeah, yes, ok, absolutely, sure, mm hmmm, and the other big thing is to stare them right in the eyes, which I have never been good at, but I convinced myself it is the secret to success on a new job, and indeed it has helped tremendously. they won’t suspect you of being a Weirdo if you’re looking them dead in the eyes! even if you are just saying mm hmm over and over again.

best of all, after a few mm hmms you do eventually come up with something to say or a question to ask!

I also brought in a bag of candy on day 3 and began passing it out. say would you like some candy, name, and 99% of the time they will say OH THANK YOU, (your name!) or ask your name if they don’t know it.

we stay bretty busy, so the socializing conversations don’t need to last long.

and you can always talk about THE NEW JOB that is NEW for ALL OF YOU, heck I haven’t mentioned muh personal story at all.

other people will come forward with tons of personal details. I am using a word document to take notes during the training, and I am ALSO TAKING NOTES ON THE PEOPLE: their names, ages, where they’ve worked before, do they have any kids, what’s their education, just anything and everything about them, and about 80% of that is coming from them unprompted, I don’t even have to THINK about it.

I am also getting good info about people just LISTENING TO THE PEOPLE AROUND ME TALK about themselves. take more notes on that. into muh notes it goes.

so def do all that, ESPECIALLY if you have a CLASS of a bunch of new hires, I am thankful I am in that situation, rather than being Just One New Guy. But this is a HUGE office is all I’ll say. I guess being The One New Person wouldn’t be so bad if there were “only” ten people in the office/team/crew. and you could absolutely use these same or similar tactics.

Also wearing muh new non crappy clothes helps too.

It has also made me more productive. like one day I made muh yearly doctor’s appointment, or did errands, and even on muh WELL DESERVED DAY OFF, I got a TON of IMportant Personal Stuff Done: wrote great email to old friend, went SHOPPING for xmas and went to KOHLS to RETURN one thing and buy 2 MORE clothes, a nice sonoma poplin shirt, and a nice pair of sonoma pants, both $20, which I felt was a pretty good deal for the quality of the stuff. KOHLS IS A MAGIC BULLET.

I admit, $20 is a lot for a SHIRT, but when you never buy clothes and really need clothes like moi, it becomes a better ROI!

it was the saturday before xmas and it was bretty packed with people, but I did not stand in the checkout like for more than 10 minutes. I even made polite small talk with the cute 18 yo girl at the register, which is a DIRECT RESULT of me talking to more people at muh new job this week.

It is good to get thrown into a swim or sink situation, BECAUSE that’s actually a misnomer, you will actually probably SWIM. the odds are 90% in your favor that you will swim and not sink, EVEN IF YOU ARE NERVOUS.

and the trainers have anticipated and acknowledged that some of us will be nervous as we start doing the actual job, which does involve a lot of talking to people, unfortunately.

but now i am seeing it is EASIER to talk to people and I am GETTING BETTER AT IT.

I even talked to a CUTE GURL for a minute, hehehe.

So yep. learn everyone’s name, USE everyone’s name, be nice to everyone, say hi how are you, pull their talk string, say mm hmm mm hmm and keep them talking, use Solid Eye Contact, when somebody teaches you something, say “THANKS NAME! I Appreciate It Buddy!” and just be a Real Nice Guy.

AAAANNNNNNDDDDDD I actually Emailed one of my Internet Heroes like I was thinking of doing. I actually feel a little nervous about this because I wrote kinda a long email and not the best email, however hopefully he’ll take it the right way. I was offering to donate money to him as a little gift for him doing so much good work over the years, so I wanted to give him a little Tip for the holidays, something to buy lunch or a drink. I will report back on how this turns out. I also said that in the future I might like to talk to him on the phone, because that WOULD be a great idea, I just don’t want to do it right now. So I said to him, how about in 3 months or so.  Still waiting for a response, told him to take his time, take a month, take 2 months to get back to me, no rush.

so do stuff like all this. think of ways you can be nice to people.