wed oct 11

feb 26

looking for a full concert of maiden with good sound quality and hopefully good video, and from the last 5-10 years. this seems promising. nicko looks terrible but is playing great. bruce is very high energy. steve harris is very high energy and i love his aggressive attack on the bass. i think its so lame when bass players use a Pick and i am glad he has never done that.  wow bruce has more energy at 55 years old than i do at a somewhat younger age hahahaha.

nearly 2 hour set. i hope they take a break in the middle hahahaha. they deserve it. god damn why did i miss maiden in 2016? or was in 2015? i was in a terrible state in 15 but seeing them would def lift my spirits. lifts muh spirits just watching this vid.

i dont even mind that bruce uses a few too many f bombs during his banter. hes excited. i would be too. not a bad way to be, being bruce. bruce almighty hahahahaha. no i didnt come up with that, thats a well known term of endearment for bruce in the community.

thats the other great thing about maiden fans, is the very strong sense of community, camaraderie, that i dont really see as much with a band like priest.

maiden fans are best fans hahahaha.  i would be glad to be part of that group.

GEORGE Feels may be going on hiatus as announced in his brand new “goodbye” video. left him another comment, 2 comments in 2 days hahahaha. again tried to express my support for him, and best wishes, and that he is welcome to email me. i think it would be good to get away from youtube, that has got to be draining and stressful. that is like me going on youtube and talking about UFMLL shit and showing my face. i could never do that. i need the comfort level of just being faceless words with all comments closed. i mean i WOULD like to do speaking stuff at some point because i think speaking is better than writing, but i just dont know the best way to do this. maybe a “lighter” and less TMI version of this blog and i certainly wouldnt show my face?

there are so many Old Rockers with long hair. now long hair is great but the hard truth of life is, like half of men lose their hair. therefore, its probably many of these guys are taking rogaine or some shit. i would almost rather they just go bald. you can always grow your remaining hair long and be all bald on top hahahaha.

19.9 BMI. this probably means i am not fat hahahahaha. i mean not in shape enough to attract a women because i have too many other deficits, but i am not doing it for women, i am doing it for myself, and kinda for my RACE. it does not BEFIT a decent hwyte man to be FAT.

sheeeeit got onto another slippery slope today cuz i thought i was above it. looked up the company which i heard That Woman worked at as of around summer 2016. found they basically have one headquarters which would be the building in the area she would work at. found a xmas holidays photo of the company, xmas 2016 time, with like 50 people in group photo in the foyer or whatever. on company facebook page. looked at the picture and tried to find her in there. found one woman that could be her but the picture is honestly a bit too fuzzy to tell. so i zoomed in 300 percent on this one woman and was like, is that her, or just a woman that kinda looks like her in a kinda fuzzy blown up photo? is her hair the right length and the right texture? would she wear something like that? i never saw her dress in anything “businessy” which it looked like some people were semi dressed up for the holiday party.

would she even be invited to the holiday party? do they have another office somewhere which they dont advertise where all the underlings work? would they invite her? is she an underling or not?

where we used to work we could essentially dress like slobs because we didnt face the customers, just phones. many people did dress like fat slobs. didnt really blame them, it was a soul crushing job and many people were stressed and depressed. i tried not to dress like a slob because i dont like doing that in general, but i didnt really rise to the level of “business casual” either. i mean you could wear jeans and hoodies and sneakers and tshirts. i never saw her dress up semi-nice for a semi-business work setting. im sure she would look beautiful hahahahahahahahaha.

now im tempted to look at the picture for a third time to convince myself its NOT her. i dont even know that she still works there. maybe the guy who told me got the company wrong. got it confused with a different person or a diff company. maybe if she did work there, she left before december 2016. maybe she wasnt at that event or in that picture. again, there was only the one person out of 50 who even remotely looked like her. not a high res picture, at a distance, to capture a large group of people.

i also went through a few of there recent youtube videos to see if i could hear her voice talking on the presentations. i did not.

i did not spend too much time doing all of this, when i realized, this is a god damn slippery slope that is worse than that pseudo-porno i looked at the other day with mattress gurl hahahahaha.

now im still tempted. because i want to prove its NOT her. or do i REALLY want to prove it IS her?

the WORST CASE scenario would be to do some google and facebook and instagram and okcupid stalking on her actual NAME. maybe i would find shes actually working somewhere else. maybe i would find that she is dead. good lord.

anyway, its good that i didnt spend too much time on that, and i should NOT try anything else of the sort.

i usually make burgers in the oven. nice big third pound burgers. then put them in the freezer and take one out the night before i plan eating it. they are big protein filled burgers. I also freeze them with the bun, each in a baggie. i scrape off a large part of the bun to make it as thin as possible without falling apart, because the wheaty joo is about the most useless food ever, full of empty goddamn calories. but i still want some sort of bun on muh burger or sammich. so i feel these Thin Buns are the perfect solution. i mean i have been doing this for a few months and the pounds have been melting off. i am the thinnest i have been since i was like 21. damn. so i am happy and grateful and proud about that at least.

but i am getting sick of burgers so i decided i was in the mood for a Meatball Sub. so i made a bunch of nice sized 2.5 oz meatballs in the oven. got some mini sub buns, total wheat joo here, and scraped them down until they were much thinner. put on 2.5 of the 2.5 oz meatballs on. which is like 6.2 oz of pure glorious beef, by far my favorite miracle superfood. put a small amount of cheese on and some tomato sauce. trying to mimic the classic subway meatball sub. it turned out pretty good but kinda messy. i will glady eat the rest of them all up. ate one today and made 5 more, put them in the freezer. freeze them with the buns and the cheese, but will put the tomato sauce on them later, when i heat them up, just cuz the sauce is the messiest part. the meatballs themselves came out really good and will def make again. 2.5 to 3 oz balls. usually use 80 20 beef but when i went to the store they only had 72 25 beef. not a problem, i do like the animal fat. gives flavor and its good for you hahahaha. of course there is a decent amount of melted fat in the pan when im done so i drain it, but of course some still seeps into the beef, which is fine by me. makes for nice juicy beef.

so that was nice. the sub buns were stupid thick so i had to scrape a lot of bread off them. literally scraping worthless calories away. compare to the beef, which i consider to be not worthless calories at all. worthwhile.

had social event last night. never go to these, so i rarely get invited, but this time i said nope i gonna do it, it would be a nice signal by me. took valium before going out to bar. was pretty nervous. got in there and then things were pretty ok. people were surprised but pleasantly so that i came out. i said i was happy to come, i would like to come to more of these things, i just dont like loud bars on saturday night, so thats why i dont come out every week or every month hahaha. but i will drink soda and cheer you on for karaoke and celebrate all the good stuff going on.

so yeah that was ultimately a very positive thing. i hate bars because they are so loud and crowded, and if somebody talks to me, i can never understand what they are saying cuz its so loud, and other people dont seem to have problem shouting conversations in loud bars, but i sure do. but i might be overestimating this, and they know its loud, and they dont EXPECT to have an in depth conversation while loud karaoke is going on, so you just have fun watching that. and i do generally like karaoke. its a fun thing that makes drinking fun hahaha. ive done it before when i was raging drunk and it was pretty fun.

never did it when not drinking. i would kinda like to, but also very nervous and doubtful. cant pick a bad song. got to study some people there and saw good and bad songs. most were actually good. i didnt know many of the country songs but they still seemed like good karaoke songs.

you have to pick a song shorter than 4 minutes, it has to be a song most people know, it has to be a fun kinda song people can sing while drinking.

i had a few candidates i’ve mentioned recently: danzig mother, dio holy diver, would love to do some maiden but i cant do god damn 14 minute rime of the ancient mariner. leaning towards children of the damned but that is kind of a deep cut. maybe hallowed be thy name but its too LONG. maybe seventh son but its too LONG, but it could work if i cut it in half, theres no singing in the second half anyway.

some drunk guy sang jewel foolish games, he had a good karaoke sense, also did drowning pool bodies and the titanic love song my heart will go on hahahaha. you have to have a sense of humor.

so my thought of meat loaf ill do antyhing for love IS a great candidate, and no one sang that.

i mean you cant go up there and sing burzum or darkthrone or shit.

pantera maybe. i hear walk is a semi popular karaoke song.

country songs about partying or drinking are good. sentimental songs about makin luv are good. one guy sang darius rucker who has a great voice but i dont know any of his post-hootie songs hahahaha. and i would want to sing a song i didnt KNOW! but if youre sloppy drunk, its not a problem.

one sloppy drunk woman did war pigs, which is a CLASSIC, GREAT, TOPKEK song……but a terrible choice for karaoke because its too long.

 

 

 

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MEN UNDERSTAND BEING A WOMAN BETTER THAN WOMEN DO

LONG  9000 word POST!!!!!!!!!!

nov 16 2016

ok went to urgent care place to do job related physical and tb test. the place is a big health care company and i do not trust. would not want to work there. felt very sorry for the people who had to work there, forced to treat people as numbers, process people like cattle, even blacks and nonwhite dont deserve to be treated like that so UrgentCareInc can make more damn shekels. there was a white male about my age at the front desk and he was constantly on the phone talking about HR and DOT and stuff, and hopefully not being given a runaround or forced to give a runaround. the place was so busy they needed 2 people at the front desk. the place was huge in the back office and had a ton of nurses and assistants.

the nurse/assistant who helped me was a 50 year old woman who sounded like she smoked 10 packs a day. but she was white. she said her daughter recently became a Schoolteacher and she was surprised at how much they WORK. I said I know, it’s not what people think, those teachers are doing a ton of unpaid work every day, they get run ragged, i wouldnt want to be a teacher!

was very quick and short and curt, as was the doctor who came next, probably so they can get as many people in and out. these people move so FAST I am left with a sense of what the hell just happened? this is a LOT faster than my Speed Of Life.

there were some black women working the front and back desk. i was very nice to them. i am always very nice to everybody i talk to, white or nonwhite.

i didnt know what the tb test entailed. it entailed pricking my arm with a tb protein or something, then i have to go back in 48 hours so they can “READ” it. but no more than 72 hours. 24 hour window of time. i dont like getting pricked with needles, i hate needles, but this one was pretty minor.

nurse said take off your clothes and put these paper clothes and shorts on, doctor will be in in a few minutes. she left and i was like uhhhhhhhh cant i just wear muh t shirt and underoos? am i supposed to get fully nude and put this god damn paper gown and paper shorts on? wtf? so i said well, i will be a good goy and get fully nude and put this stupid shit on. the doctor can make fun of me if he wants. i didnt take a shower today, jokes on him, i just wiped muh crotch and balls with a paper towel, soap and water hahahahahaha. if hes an arab doctor he probably has similar hygiene hahahahaha.

he was a white male doctor! and there was no ball cupping, ball touching, or anything. he had me bend slightly at the waist. it went super duper fast, no cupping, no coughing, no butt stuff hahahaha, very easy. i threw the paper clothes in the trash. dr did not bitch at me for keeping my socks on.

went to HR and dropped papers off, asked about employment pools and internal postings and mailing lists and why dont you put your shit on indeed. i was assured that they no longer have a pool, but that they had my results from when i WAS in the pool, then they stopped the pool, but if they start it again, they will put me back in AND email me. good. i asked if there were any email lists i could get on. thats the thing about this place. there are all these hidden secret jobs, its like the god damn masons.

had a weird but somewhat fun dream last night. i was flirting somewhat with a qt young woman. it wasnt that woman, the dream woman was much smaller and petite, not my usual type but oh well. things were going well, then she disappeared. came back a few months later and said she got married to some guy she just met. i voiced my opinion and i was like, heres the thing, im not gonna pretend to be happy about this. i was starting to like you and i was really disappointed when you just left me in the lurch. i feel like you didnt give me a fair shake. and now youre marrying a guy who in your words you dont even know? dont you feel bad about just Ghosting me? this kinda sucks. i’m not happy about what you did. i’ll get over it but you should know that shit aint right. its not nice to do that to people.

so essentially saying stuff i wanted to say to That Woman hahaha.

now i prefer taller women with meaty Thighs and Asses, long legs, long arms, but i would be open to a Shorter women, provided she is not stumpy, stocky, or at all potatoey, and this dream girl was not, so thats good.

also another part of the dream involved me meeting millennial woes. that was fun. never had a MW dream before. we were hanging out and getting along real well till i said or did somethign that made him thing I was stupid or uncouth. and i was mad at myself for being an idiot around this guy i respected. but also it was just a misunderstanding too, he should really be open to that possibility. also what IF i am a crass uneducated trump voting redneck whitelash? hes alt right pro white, he of all people should appreciate this raw, uneducated white power hahahahaha.

or maybe i am reading this all wrong and blowing it all out of proportion and he DOESNT think that about me.

a part of the dream had me holding a heroin needle and thinking, well, i am tempted to experiment with opiates, BUTTTTT i hate needles and dont want to inject myself.

another part of the dream had me in a large room with millennial woes and i looked out the large windows and there were huge, demonic, savage looking wild boars/warthogs out there. huge and vicious, more than anything in the real world. i was like holy shit those things will tear us apart and they could just jump through the window right now and K us savagely, uhhhh arent you concerned about this? holy shit just look at those things!!!!!

so yeah it was a vivid and action packed dream but thankfully not too disturbing or terrifying.

i know it has to do with this big news of The New Job, that that is SUCH a big deal that I immediately KNEW it would take several days to get past the SHOCK and begin PROCESSING it.

later wed…..

ok today i got muh new hard drive AND the windows recovery disk AND the stick of ram. installed the hard drive and got windows going without issue. it just took forever to install. using my regular computer again now.

installed additional ram in other computer which muh fam uses so it isnt so shamefully slow. at first it didnt seem to take. then i took it out and pushed it back in again and this time the computer detected it. good times. hopefully fam notices a difference. i think i did although i did not do brutal shit to it to test it out.

downloaded antiwirus onto “new” ocmputer. which is using windows 7. this is a silver lining here because i wasnt thrilled wiht windows 10 but it was too late to roll it back.

google drive files updating nao.

installed libreoffice, notepad++, audacity, google drive, poker program. muh basics haha.

plus i think windows 7 is better with the wireless adapter which was always getting BTFOd on windos 10.

why? even microsoft Project Managers dont know WHY. or the Lead Senior Software Engineers under them.

ok listened to new deathspell omega again a few days ago and liked it more. drums sound really good. now im thinking its a human. just a really really good human, with crystal clear production but no phony triggery bullshit.

the last minute of the second song kinda grabbed me.

right there at 5:07, might be the key to enjoying the whole album. because the distortion on the guitar is decreased and he is not strumming so fast, so you can actually hear and comprehend the guitar part, which is of course plenty weird, its just much easier to digest. but there’s no dialing down the intensity of the drum part, in fact you can hear it all the better.

basically turn down the distortion on the guitars on the whole album and play longer notes!

but no, hes an autist that doesnt like to make it easy for the listener. thats all it is.

so yeah what i like about dso is that stupid, autistic chaos really IS an accurate representation of my mind when it is confused and distressed and anxious. like when i was at work thinking OH GAWD I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING IM SO CONFUSED AND SCARED my thoughts would be racing and crashing into each other like a damn dso song.

completely lacking any sense of judgment, not knowing whats right and wrong, whats real and whats not. whats happening with the job, whats happening with the woman, whats happening.

WHITELASH hahahaha. i am VERY GLAD to be a PART OF that WHITELASH.

now the pollsters are realizing the actual truth: that trump tapped into a White Voting Bloc. he spoke to Whites and whites voted him in. as a race conscious white i couldnt be happier. i dont apologize for being white, im not EMBARASSED by white people, i dont look forward to a time when whites are a minority, i don’t think you should not respect thomas jefferson because he OWNED SLAVES. then dont go to the fookin UVA you uppity skypes and googles hahahaha.

believe me i know white people who think its HORRIBLE that white people are even ABLE to vote as a group, and vote for such a horrible white racist as TRVMP.

fook NO i dont trust (((((KUSHNER))))) !!!!!!!!!! he could be a problem in the future. i hope he isnt. but i wouldnt be surprised if he is.

i just wish That Woman hadnt been so HORRIFIED by the idea of me liking her. you dont have to like me back, I GET THAT. Just dont act like its so DISGUSTING and GODAWFUL. Just say SORRY, I dont like you that way, this must be painful for you. dont HATE me for getting feelings for you. i would never hate somebody for that.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeit whatever. shit happened. bad shit. i learned to be more courageous and direct in the future. i just cant see myself ever being interested in a woman ever again.

although thats where the dreams can be useful. like in this dream last night, i felt myself sort of interested in this dream woman who wasnt THAT woman.

or this super attractive 9/10 woman who might be at the social event today hahahaha who is WAYYYYY out of muh league but damn is she nice to look at!

i mean im FINE with her being out of my league! i KNOW a 6/10 35 yo old man has no CHANCE at a 9/10 23 year old woman!

was concerned the ram would not take in the dell latitude. there are two ram slots. one easily accessible on the bottom, another buried under the keyboard. thankfully the easy access one was the open one. getting to it was easy. popped it in, seemed to fit well. start comp, not showing any difference. still says 2 gb ram, should be 4. do mem diagnostics test. no change. frowning. open it up again, pull it out, stare at it, pop it right back in. start comp, says preboot that memory has changed. this is new. ok great yes i did change it. start up, now it says 4 gb. PRAISE THE LORD. but WHY? what did i do DIFFERENTLY? i just took it out and put it right back in! did i have it in wrong? ILL NEVER KNOW hahahaha.

continued to buy more xmas presents for fam today.

nov 17

ok when they say “TB test must be read within 48 to 72 hours of administration” that is not very clear that what it REALLY means is, the full TB test is in 2 parts. the first time they prick you with a needle. then it may or may not have some affect on your skin in that area. then 48 to 72 hours after pricking, you have a 24 hour window where you MUST return to the clinic to finish part 2 of the tb test, which is given the rather unclear technical name of “reading.” just call it testing part 2. THEY are “reading” your skin somehow. the important thing to remember is you have to get pricked, WAIT 48 hours to go back, then go back, but not after 72 hours. or else then you have to get pricked again.

but they dont say any of that hahahaha.

that is the type of TRANSPARENCY i would have in MY company hahaha. tell you what you NEED TO KNOW. tell you the most important things so you can fully understand shit quickly. it would PROBABLY cut back on phone calls asking for stupid clarification.

and this is not a big deal at all in this case, but shit like this would INFURIATE me at my old job.

and another “pet peeve” about computers that, when you are working in Computer Service, is INFURIATING and will turn a mild mannered man into a savage frightened animal shrieking and screeching.

definition of insanity is doing the same thing twice and expecting different results.

SO WHAT DO YOU CALL IT WHEN YOU DO THE SAME THING TWICE AND DO GET DIFFERENT RESULTS????

it might be INSANE, but ITS HAPPENING!!! its happening to your equipment!!!! doing the same shit twice either fixed it or broke it! the insanity was consequential and important and valuable and you want to know WHY!!!!!

but the other def of insanity is, you will NEVER know why. its IMPOSSIBLE to know why.

now i wouldnt call any of these things “the definition of INSANITY” but i know what you mean. i would call it NONSENSE, or infuriatingly illogical, or bullshit, or this cant be, or wtf, or fooking ridiculous, this makes no sense. slightly insane i guess. hahahaha. chaos reigns.

hey lets look at the days since spreadsheet!

last time i actually talked to That Woman      492 days

last time i initiated contact, final email           458 days

last time i looked at degen jooish porn            374 days

bretty good amirite?

66 days since haircut. kinda starting to look bad.

was watching the woodstock movie on tcm last night. really is a great movie, worth buying permanently in whatever form you would do that. would have loved to watch it with That Woman, cuddle for 3 hours, smoke MJ for 3 hours, probably stop watching the long movie to have luving secs a few times hahahaha. i think she would have appreciated the movie, she liked a lot of that kind of music and sorta looked like a hippie.

i first saw the movie when i was like 20 and was pretty impressed, watched it again at 21 or 22 smokin MJ with muh old friend, good memories.

havent seen it since.

i still appreciate the music but now i have a much better big picture perspective on it, like the degeneracy, and seeing these white youths throwing their lives away on the new jooish degeneracy, which at the time was BRAND NEW and exciting and did not seem like degeneracy, but freeing and liberating and luv……but it was jooish degen. and none of these goys realized it.

but things did seem innocent because all this stuff was so new and people were optimistic and excited and happy.

great songs and performances too. when i was young i was electrified by for example joe cocker, now i was like, welp what drugs is he on. what drugs is this guy on.

seeing all these people in 1969 47 years ago and realizing i am older now than they were then. i am older than these young men with huge beards like that great performance by canned heat. their bass player is spazzing out like that because hes probably on ACID. MOST of these people are on ACID. or that guitar player is not on acid, hes just stoned as shit on MJ. pete townsend is probably on “uppers” because they didnt have coke back then. keith moon is on acid and uppers and booze. joe cocker is also on EVERYTHING. how much of this is an act, and how much of it is drugs? joe cocker could not keep up with this lifestyle, how did he survive till age 75 or whatever? either way his performance was great. richie havens is mesmerizing. he could be on acid or in a trance or something. but when he speaks between songs he seems normal. the way he plays guitar is so weird. how is he not breaking the strings strumming that hard. what tuning is he in that he plays with his THUMB like that. his voice is very haunting.

so yeah i still got all that, the performances were just as good as i remembered, but it was interesting to have perspective on it, that even these performers were too young to have!

i can understand being against the vietnam war, but immediately Da Joos got involved and turned it into a marxist thing. now i can see that for what it is. typical jooish disruption. jooish culture of critique. and none of the goys they scammed realized it. they were just about weed and acid and free love and fighting the man and the pigs.

but yeah since this was just STARTING and people were so excited, we got some really good music out of it, the likes of which has never again emerged from such cultural degeneracy. and again the music helped sell this degen and make people happy about it, including me for a time. its still great music.

also, people didnt talk nearly as much about white privilege, and whites and men werent hated as much. i think many of these early sjw’s were truly interested in naive equality rather than marxist revolution and punching up against whites and men. there were so many white men there at woodstock. healthy, young, beautiful white people, not at all fat, so many skinny in shape people, all getting fooked up on drugs and booze and frying their brains.

whites beginning to act like negros. look at all the frontmen gyrating around with their stupid tight pants. muh dick is all it is.

so yeah. such an interesting mixed bag of great music and genuinely optimistic people, but the beginning of generations of horrible jooish degeneracy that just got worse and worse. became nihilistic within 30 years.

and now finally in 2016, we have some long needed WHITELASH hahahaha.

THE SLEEPING GOY AWAKENS!!!!!!

i turned it off after joe cocker because it was 230 am, but i know there was a ton of good shit after that too.

some of the video is better than others, like the who video is kinda shitty because its too much roger daltrey and not nearly enough keith moon hahaha.

also just the language these people use, its stupid and childish but its honest and sincere, whereas today the leftist marxist sjw “hippies” have a much more SOPHISTICATED, JOOISH way of talking because of all their damn college. and they know they cant get away with looking and sounding like they are on ACID.

before and after a 40 year Jooish March Thru The Institutions hahahaha.

i mean there was already some jooish subversion going on in like the 1920s…..but it EXPLODED in the late 60s.

dont like muh bigotry? go cry to your hillary support group hahahaha. THE BUMS LOST LEBOWSKI!

WHITELASH!!!!!!

i realize this is not good for those trump supporters who are trying to defend themselves AGAINST accusations of bigotry and racism by the left. oh no were not racists!

and then i come out and say im a trump supporter AND a huge avowed admitted racist! it doesnt look good for trumps people.

well, i dont represent trump supporters in general, in fact id be MOST of the average WHITELASH voters, the white men trump supporters, really ARENT racist!

just me and the the 1% of people like me hahahaha.

only thing i SORT OF represent is the “alt right”.

http://web.archive.org/web/20161108042727/http://globalnews.ca/news/3052556/ontario-teen-who-called-for-white-canada-has-laptops-seized-by-cbsa/?sf41511983=1

did i post this nov 2016 news story about evalion DOXXED and harrassed by FEDS???

I am kinda suspicious of her but when she gets attacked by ZOG like this, i have to take her side. i mean she MIGHT BE batshit crazy, but she has made real sacrifices.

dont wear long fake eyelashes. you look like a decadent whore hahahaha. no im not talking to evalion. talking to the blond bitch on tarek and christina. christina the race mixer hahahaha. she is real hawt but wears too much makeup and horrible whorish eyelashes. dont do that. and tarek is the whitest looking arab i have ever seen, so…i guess thats good.

i am betting he is “only” half arab.

making whortina only half a race traitor hahahaha.

whatever id still bang her. shit id make white babies with her! i would have to work HARD to brainwash the crazy out of her though. probably wouldnt be worth it. 10 years ago, sure.

also she has a horrible voice hahahaha. kinda “secsy” but in the long term, annoying Vocal Fry hahahaha.

indicates moral laxness hahaha.

used up remainder of amazon gift card on columbia fleece jacket. plain black. agonized over color.

i mean i got like 100$ amazonbux for doing a survey activity.

anyway. just trying to say i dont really spend money frivolously. and when i really need new clothes…..i dont really get them, i have to FORCE myself, because ALL spending seems frivolous, but then when i actually DO spend the money and buy the new clothes……it was very much worth it. like with buying A Suit, etc. buy jeans, new shoes, now this fleece jacket. i kind of have one already but its technically the inner lining of a 2 piece jacket system hahaha. so i want to just put it in and leave it in there and not have to take it out of the jacket whenever i want to wear something like that.

also i am glad i Sacked Up and had a direct talk with the guy i wanted to talk to about MJ. I did not have high expectations, but i just wanted to introduce the idea. that i would like to go in with him on his next purchase if possible. turns out he is not making a purchase for….a few months and told me some exciting life news for him. so i appreciated that. i support him 100% in this endeavour and am not butthurt about not being able to get MJ! but hopefully when he is ready, he will tell me, and he does seem kinda reliable like that. i mean he is decent at Adulting, makes decent money, lives normie life, doesnt screw people over. that at least he knows that i am interested in Going In with him Next Time, so plz let me know when you are ready for next time hehehehe.

so yeah i crossed that off the list hehe.

ok gotta make a good impression at this job. get there 15 minutes early, leave 15 minutes late every day.  make coffee, buy coffee, buy bagels or donuts.

also, find Where The Information Is. knowledge base. case notes. case system. ticket system. S drive. intranet. ANYTHING i can access from home.

CAN I LISTEN TO PHONE CALLS?

that would have been a GREAT learning tool at my own job, but I was so flustered i didnt even think to ask. I mean I read a lot of cases, but actually hearing the calls while reading the cases would have been a lot better. just read and listen to calls for an hour when you get home hahahaha.

write everything down. make flashcards.

ask everybody about their families.

buy a large container of coffee regularly.

spend a ton of money frivolously to buy new clothes. nice shirts and pants that fit properly. take pants to chinese laundry to shorten the legs for my manlet stumpy legs. spend more money.

look people directly in the eye at all times and act like a real confident nonnevergf normie hahaha.

get hair cut regularly so it doesnt look sloppy and nevergf on the sides.

good thing about this job is that it could not be closer. it is literally 3 miles away.

some women ONLY date (ie fook, and get preggers from) TRASHY guys. not just good badboys, but BAD badboys, like deadbeats, drug addicts, woman beaters, felons, etc. people with real big problems. hehehe. they wont date you or fook you from tinder because you are literally not trashy enough.

there is a “tradwife” in the altright who was A Tranny but he/she “passed” remarkably well. they were obviously a not very masculine man who was able to pass as a woman better than some women, hahahahahahaha. i saw a picture and i was like, hmmm, they are young, skinny, really doesnt look too freakish, hmm i think i want to bang that man hahahahahahhaha.

and then they got “bullycided” from twitter and the internet in like april 2016 and stopped posting to their blog which was written quite well and is probably worth reading and basically advocates trad alt right values like family and masculine men and feminine women and was anti-homosex and promiscuity and degeneracy. so this person literally felt like a woman, a very very traditional woman, born into a very feminine man’s body.

anyway i know notorious sinead posted imho a rather inappropriate picture of this person which i dont know how she got. and sinead loves to attack the “alt k1ke” for being pro-gay, pro-tranny, pro-degen, etc.

anyway i just thought it was interesting that i felt a sense of SYMPATHY for the “tradwife.” ultimately  i was viewing them and treating them as a full real woman. i didnt see them as a man or a tranny. i didnt think it was fair for them to be bullied and shamed and i was kinda interested in their blog.

hahahaha maybe i secretly want to date the tradwife. how ridiculous would that be.

I AM WHITE KNIGHTING FOR A TRANNY hahahahaha.

yeah ok fine you caught me red handed. Oh well, so what. i certainly dont feel this way about most trannies, who are all about marxist degeneracy lock stock and barrel.

https://web.archive.org/web/20161109135829/https://valkyricvisionary.wordpress.com/

thing is, the tradwife would prob still be out of my league hahahahahaha because she wants a strong, proud, alpha man, just like every other woman hahahahaha.

but yeah he/she is a good writer, clearly very smart, and doesn’t really say anything too ridiculous. he/she views trannyism as an illness that can be successfully treated by fully adopting the desired gender role. rather than becoming some genderless genderqueer otherkin. i mean tradgrace wants to become a beautiful aryan woman in a wheat field. what he/she wants to become is a beautiful thing!

so yeah god have mercy on me but i have some sympathy for tradgrace.

although it SHOULDNT MATTER if a woman is smart or a good writer.

but if a woman IS smart and a good writer, i do usually like that, provided they arent some insane screeching leftist…..which they usually are.

but this isnt a woman!!!!!!

anyway i wish grace well, that is a hard life, im not gonna bully grace, i cant disagree with what xir says. hahahaha. well, xir’s preferred pronoun would certainly be “she”, as grace celebrates everything about Traditional Femininity!

https://valkyricvisionary.wordpress.com/

ok fine i will link to grace directly so SHE can see me linking, and then find me, and then she can be my waifu!

heh. if i were a total homosexual degenerate……wouldnt i want to bang men who dont identify as women, let alone who look quite convincingly like young, feminine women?

anyway. grace’s big mistake was to assume people wouldnt bullycide “her” for being a tranny. if she wrote this stuff and just presented herself as a normal woman, she would not be punished, and there would be 14888888888888888888888 alt right white virgins white knighting for her!

so yeah. i dunno. i think that is very courageous of grace.

come talk to a PHAG ENABLER like me, grindr greg, or millennial woes, we will give you a safe space and cuddles hahahahahahaha.

anyway grace is a bigger winner than me anyway. at least she is working on achieving her dreams and is I think a successful college or grad student. maybe. maybe heshe is a basement dwelling sperg. definitely not a fat ugly one though!

and if you read herhis writing without thinking of who is writing it…….its pretty unimpeachable.

yep looks like i want to date and marry and cuddle with a MAN. ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING hahahaha.

but sinead thinks the alt k1ke is infested with “tradwives”, well i cant think of a single other one other than grace, and grace was imho brutally, savagely, unfairly punished.

dont tell trs i think her punishment was too severe tho, i will get banned for being a fag enabler hahahaha.

well, technically tranny enabler.

anyway i really do wish grace well but i should stop thinking about this because i am starting to turn gay hahaha.

she basically wants to become a 100% woman and to marry a straight man.

well dont many trannies want to become full 100% women rather than genderqueer?

well ok fine. but they still dont want to become SUPER OLD SCHOOL TRADITIONAL women!

and i appreciate grace for attempting to really understand what really being a traditional feminine woman means. hint its not being a GIRLY GIRL and liking JUST GIRL THINGS.

a fooking MAN understands being a woman better than WOMEN do hahahahahahahah hrmmmm. wwawaawwawawawa.

or am i just butthurt because i am lonely and havent been with a woman as good looking as a MAN, in 11 years?

yeah i think thats part of it too. like if i things had worked out with That Woman I wouldnt even be ENTERTAINING the thought of Dating A Man, hahahahahahahahahahaha.

but yeah, tradgrace is just a really really really interesting case.

so yeah grace you can email me at ufmll at yahoo dot com and we can have a real good conversation hahahaha.

i fully believe that tradgrace has sucked and fooked less cox than the average 25 year old white woman!

anyway i wish i could write as coherently and have as much courage as this transexual man hahahaha.

when i was young we didnt HAVE an alt right. so your only recourse was to slip into a nihilistic escapist world of drugs and alcohol and confusion and chaos and maybe if you still cared about race you could find an internet forum of neo nazi losers who were fat drunk degenerate losers and lived in their mothers basements. never any average normie 13 dollar an hour normies. but crazy neet losers. not the type of people you want to hang out with. rejects hanging out with all the other rejects. drinking and complaining about how all women are negro fookin whores. which 49% of them are hahahahahahaha.

http://getgreenshot.org/

ok screenshot program here, i sent them a 2 dollar dnation toot toot toot toot hahahaha.

i only donate to projects where most of the people have white sounding names hahahaha.

its just EXHAUSTING that you have to be FIGHTING and ARGUING and SELLING and CONVINCING and PERSUADING people ALL THE TIME, like heres why this is valuable, heres why what were doing isnt technically screwing you, just bullshitting and selling all the time, every little and big thing, every person you talk to, youre trying to sell them something they dont want to buy. and i am not talking about “sales”. i am talking about “service”. heres why we cant fix this. heres why you/we cant do this.  its just EXHAUSTING. i dont have that much ENERGY. only TRVMP has that much energy.

tfw when no tranny trap qt to help boost your energy hahahaha.

no this is terrible. i never did any bullying to grace, i never bullied anyone.

sheeeeeeeeit. getting nervous about New Job. like what do i say when i dont know waht to say but still have to sound smart and confident and competent? impostor syndrome. how do normies DO this. how is this not a problem for more people. how could not one normie write one book on how to DO this.

i bet tradgrace would try to be nice to me when HE rejected me hahahahahahahaha

HE wouldnt throw me away like a piece of garbage, or get SO DISGUSTED that a low mate value man could get feelings for HIM hahahahaha.

ok ok i shouldnt be making light of tradgrace. really. im not making fun of him. i mean i dont even have a huge problem with calling him her.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=how%20to%20deal%20with%20assholes

how to deal with assholes

an INSANELY VALUABLE LIFE SKILL. I never really learned it. whether the asshole is a bully, or just a rude asshole, or an angry customer, or somebody demanding an explanation, or its just a tough situation. maybe you need to be the asshole.

heh. i might have good communication skills if i didnt get so flustered and nervous.

worried about getting somehow rejected, or humiliated. dumped, fired, yelled at, insulted, bullied, thought of as an idiot or a weakling, shamed, shunned, given a hard time, verbally abused hahaha.

emotional labor theres a new phrase i learned in current year hehehehe.

nov 18

ok not spacing out muh posts so well, get a short post followed by a very long post. DEAL WITH IT hahahaha.

heh i like this arab/negro bath where you just wash you crotch region with soap and water and a bounty paper towel hahahaha. pretty effective and ridiculously FAST. TIME IS MONEY wagie! TICK TOCK! BACK TO WORK! ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER DOLLAR!

ok. completed final tb test, the “reading”. this nurse woman looked at it for literally 1 second and said OK youre all set! then i took the papers they gave me and drove them down to HR myself because they said they were gonna mail a copy, and i figured, deliver the myself so they can get them before the end of the day friday, rather than get them on tuesday, plus thanksgiving next week, etc.

got pair of medium champion sweatpants. they do not look nearly as big and sloppy as the Large sweatpants. got the sweatpants with gift card from research study. no money wasting. but it would have been worth it to spend real money because they LOOK A LOT BETTER. less neet virgin, less incel, less r9k, less loser, less nevergf.

whenever i see a damn woman my first thought is a knee jerk automatic negative thought about her being a Stupid, Immature Slut, fooking lots of cox, and being lost and fallen and a big baby, a damn CHILD. contempt and smug superiority is the first thing i feel when seeing a random woman. and i cant even use that smug superiority to translate into masculine confidence in dealing with these women directly. in those cases, then i feel hugely inferior!

bought this book impulsively because i need to do SOMETHING to IMPROVE muhself hahahaha.

i just heard about DBT this year, a few months ago, from a person in the social work field, and then i started seeing it everywhere, and the best selling self help books were all DBT, see people mentioning DBT all over reddit, etc.  yeah marsha ((((linehan)))) is a jooess but I think she really does want to help people. (update: i think she is actually hwyte and linehan is an irish name)

and yeah DBT was originally developed for BORDERLINE…..but that doesnt mean it hasnt also been used very effectively for LESS SERIOUS things like bipolar or depression or anxiety.

so, me reading this book does not mean im an antiwhite joo, or that i am a totally batshit borderline.

Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & Distress Tolerance

uh YASSSS PLEASE these are all things i wouldnt mind improving!!!!!

so i thought well maybe i am a phag and maybe i would date tradgrace. but i wouldnt want to get sodomized by her D hahahaha. overall i just felt sympathy and pity for grace. i didnt think he/she should be thrown in the oven or bullycided. that in an ideal world we would use medical science to turn him into a real woman.

and that since im not really a real man, maybe it is appropriate that the best i can get is a not real woman. i mean me and grace both agree on the ideal of a man and a woman.

but a big worry of mine is that grace will have to continue taking female hormones the rest of “her” life. right?

and does something happen to hormone levels when you cut off a man’s balls?

im concerned about male vs female HORMONES in other words.

also, even if grace got rid of all the male hormones and got her D cut off and a Cosmetic V made….. he/she still doesnt have the internal works, the uterus, the ovaries, the menses, the physical essence of being a woman. even if he/she kinda DOES have the mental/spiritual essence of an Ideal Woman. he/she can never DO what WOMEN DO: have babies. and NOT in a way that an infertile woman can’t have babies.

so i thought, what is the best life for grace? whats the best way for them to have a family? should they?

I thought she might be a good tradwife for a beta male, or a gay man, or a guy like me that has good intentions, but just not enough Good Results to pull a Real Woman. and then maybe we could adopt white children from white deadbeats who have no interest in being good parents.

but i want REAL children of my own!

and dont you think GRACE does too?

so the best would be for grace to use her male sperm to have a baby with a white surrogate mother?

and then maybe grace could raise the child with her well-meaning but beta male husband?

how about an infertile male? plenty of men are “shooting blanks” and want to have children but they just have bad sperm!

another possibility would be grace becoming a celibate religious woman. but i am pretty sure grace is a larpagan and not into k1kegod hahahaha. hmmmm.

i think grace would be a good, loving parent to children…….but how the HELL do you tell your CHILD that their “mother” was born a MAN? do you EVER tell them?

this is a rock and a hard place. thats why i feel such sympathy and pity for grace. i think he/she is proceeding the best he/she can under these ridiculously unfortunate circumstances.

see i never felt like a real man, always inadequate and inferior and fairly feminine………..but i was never unhappy with being a MAN, i NEVER felt like im a woman stuck in a mans body.

i just feel like a Highly Above Average Feminine man, and I dont whether I should try to purge that femininity from me. i mean, im ok with accepting it……but so many WOMEN are NOT! And I would prefer to be with a woman than a transexual MtF hahahahaha.

really i think the answer is not for me to remove femininity from myself, but rather ADD MASCULINITY. by doing shit, facing fears, being courageous, being productive, lifting weights, doing more manly things.

i dunno. maybe grace needs to find her FtM counterpart haahahaha then they can get together and raise white children.

i mean yeah grace is literally a very special snowflake hahahaha.

so how could grace impregnate the FtM? they would both have to be “PREOP”. im not even sure grace is preop. I am SURE grace looks at her D and feels disgusted and wants to get rid of it.

i have NEVER had that feeling, except on VERY rare occasions like “i wish i could chop this stupid thing off and stop being attracted to women!!!! because im sick of failing with women!!!!!”

it wasnt a persistent thing, like i really really really really want to get rid of this D.

shit. did i mention i got a call for an interview today from the Top Rated Health Company I reallllllllllly wanted the IT job at, interviewed for, never heard back. they called today. i was like oh shit are they gonna OFFER me the IT job. then i would HAVE to turn down the job i was just offered. but no. it was for the different payroll job i appleid to a few days ago. so i was like welp i accepted this other offer, sorry, but I think your company is great and I may well apply in a year.

but yeah. it was just haunting to me that a “batshit crazy trannie” probably has had a less degen life than the average REAL woman, tons of casual sex, abortions, throwing people away, breaking hearts, cheating. grace hasnt done ANY of that. probably only been with 1 or 2 guys. long term rels only. and also all women are crazy anyway, dont know what they want, they are probably jsut about as crazy as a man who wants to become a woman.

hehehehe.

but I have HUGE issues with women tho!!!!!! maybe if i didnt, then i would have a more “appropriate” reaction towards grace, that is, throw this degenerate into the oven immediately!!!!!!

so maybe this DBT book by the jooess will help me with my automatic negative thoughts and feels about Women hahahaha.

its not even BY the jooess, its by goys and building on the framework of the jooess.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marsha_M._Linehan

uhh she is a “long term roman catholic” hehehe. is linehan a jooish name? i thought it was but it may be one of those irish names that sorta SOUNDS jooish. anyway linehan herself was/is batshit crazy with schizo and or borderline……but she became a very respected professor.

http://www.linehaninstitute.org/index.php

anyway i…..am starting to think she is not jooish. good!

http://archive.is/8htuM

joo york slimes article on linehan

wow she went through some shit, was totally batshit institutionalized, many suicide attempts, but gradually got her life together, did a lot of praying to catholic god, also got into mindfulness, i can appreciate all this! good for her! seriously!

http://blogs.uw.edu/brtc/

 

ok linehan is an IRISH name hahaha confirmed. good.

i mean i dont rule joos OUT, like i still like leonard cohen, its just that when im not sure about a person, i would prefer for them to be not jooish, because, on the whole, on average, joos are bad hahahahaha.

i mean if i could ever think straight and not be anxious or angry and flustered, and in control of muh emotions, i think i am probably smart enough to figure out how to do things, how to fix problems, how to communicate well, how to be competent, how to add value, how to SELL shit all day, how to bullshit my way out of things, hahahaha. but its just i always get flustered by muh emotions. which is what women do hahahaha.

NOT ALL WOMEN.

NOT EVEN MOST WOMEN hahahaha.

ok. i think i concluded that i will tell people that i was LAID OFF and that the center closed in late spring 2015. none of the coworkers are gonna try to investigate when the center closed. and then i just had a REAL HARD TIME finding a job and did NOT want to go back to the Service Desk World, BAMN, and I had a tuff time finding a non service desk job.  REAL tuff. hey. i coulda taken this FT job for 16 bucks an hour, but id rather take a part time job for 11 bucks an hour, because its not a service desk!

so yeah these sweatpants look a lot better than the old ones. i should just throw them out. i mean when you wear clothes that are just WAY TOO BIG you look BAD, like a FAILURE hahahaha, it is not good for the CONFIDENCE. i mean if you have unshakable confidence and a qt trapwaifu to loyally comfort you, fine, good for you, dress like a slob and see how long your qt trapwife will stand by u, hahahaha. but if you are a lonely emo just struggling to do the bare minimum, you need all the help with confidence you can get, and Dressing Better is a very valuable thing.

did i mention i showed courage and bravery and asked this guy about MJ. so i am just glad i showed courage and bravery and talked about it directly. he said he could not do it right NOW, and i said thats just fine, and it really is, he had a very good reason.  i was just glad to DO SOMETHING like a MAN and not be too AFRAID to DO SOMETHING.

of course MJ is degen AF hehehehe. but i want to go thru that degen phase. its not NEARLY as degen as being a tranny or a WOMAN hahahaha

heh. between WOMEN and TRANNIES, i sympathize with the TRANNY. WOW. that says a lot about ME.

but honestly. i dont mean to bully or be mean to grace. he/she has a tough path in life, and he/she has the good intentions of wanting to do whats best for The Race. which is more than i can say for most women hahahaha.

yeah but women arent SUPPOSED to care about the race!

women arent SUPPOSED to be mature adults!

women arent SUPPOSED to know what they want!

women arent SUPPOSED to be held accountable for anything!

the dog isnt SUPPOSED to control himself from eating the steak!

women arent SUPPOSED to learn how to CONTROL themselves! only MEN are SUPPOSED to do that!

see? see? slippery slope hahahaha.

women are SUPPOSED/EXPECTED to be able to know that killing your babies is wrong!

THEY DONT KNOW ANY BETTER!

THEY CANT BE EXPECTED TO ACT ANY BETTER!

THEYRE INCAPABLE OF being responsible, accountable, full mature adults!

well yeah a lot of them ARE tho.

if i actually hung out more women who WERE mature adults then i would see that literally NOT ALL WOMEN are immature bratty children.

then i would probably fall in luv with them and they would treat me like a bratty child would hahahaha.

prof linehan spent years in a psych ward for schizo and got tons of thorazine and electroshock, but she still did well with her life. they said she was schizo but she thinks she was actually Borderline.

im really not sure which is worse. both are horrible. schizo is TECHNICALLY worse probably, but i still think borderline is FOOKING AWFUL.

anyway if DBT can work on FOOKING AWFUL serious shit, then it stands to reason that it could work on more pleb garden variety shit tier stuff. babbys first mental disorder like despair or anxiety hahahaha.

which is more of a spiritual or moral disorder hahahaha. ok, how about “EMOTIONAL”. i would def agree on that term. i mean what is “mental” anyway.

took some nyquil. probably dont have to!

got a list of things i should study before starting the job in over 2 weeks. programs and shit.  i wanted to make a good impression with the boss. told him i want to HIT THE GROUND RUNNING so theres as little of a learning curve as possible and that i can study as much shit as possible in the 2 weeks before i start. here is muh cell phone number and personal email boss, you can give them to the other people on the team.

can i log into my account. did the admit set up my account yet. i would do it myself if i could, but uh thats a OpSec AppSec NetSec issue, we cant all be admins hahaha you as a phd would understand. i dont need to tell you this boss. but i know you know, and i want you to know i know you know.

had a dream last night that featured andrew anglin, and, in a cameo appearance, weev. i was in a bookstore or comic book store that was owned by anglin. he regularly came in and did honest work in the store, selling his books and dealing with angry asshole customers. i said to the other customers, dont you know who that little guy is? thats anglin man, he owns this store, he’s done all this great work for our race, i should say something to him. i was too scared to approach him since he appeared focused on work and wasnt talking to anyone. weevs cameo was as an assistant of anglin. they were calling peoples names who had orders. he called my name for like the 3rd time as i came to receive the 3rd or so book i had ordered. this one was the autobiography of anglin himself, which looked like a fun book with plenty of graphic novel / comic type illustrations.

that was about it. i didnt talk to anglin OR weev.

anyway both of these guys should write books, incl autobiographies, id buy them and read them.

its possible anglin is currently in the US. of course i cant blame him for being circumspect about where he currently is. he also has a very qt blond gf, total 8/10 at least. good for him. he is shorter than ME but he is WAYYYYY more manly than me. i mean look at all the good he’s done with his LIFE. i ADMIRE him.

i hope he doesnt go crazy when his gf dumps him. i hope she is nice to him when she dumps him. i hope she doesnt dump him, and they get married and have 5 children!!!!!!!!!!

but he and me have similar dim views of women. and i dont want that to keep him from meeting a good woman. i bet he has faced a lot of humiliating rejection from women in his life, and so i sympathize with him greatly.

no proof. just speculation because he is really short and he has a knee jerk negative attitude about women. but TOO MANY ARE huge sluts!

but if he (I) didnt get rejected more than he got Luved, then he wouldnt even THINK about all those sluts. those rejecting sluts, who say yes to everyone else, but NO to manlets like us hahahaha.

well i dont WANT a woman who says YES to everyone else…….well i dont want them for the mother of muh children. but i might want them right NOW for the short term because i havent been with a woman in 11 years hahaha.

hehehehe

get therapy, work on yourself for at least 10 more years and you cant date anyone until you are 100% fixed, prepare for 10-20 years, or a lifetime of, incel hahahaha

you cant date until youre perfect. women can date even when they are batshit imperfect. because women can get pregnant. this is right and just.

i just wish women were LESS HARSH to the men they arent attracted to. accept that this is a person and not a disgusting vermin hahaha. of course hes not entitled to you to like him back. just dont PUNISH him for having the AUDACITY to LIKE you. its not the end of the damn world. he isnt commiting a damn CRIME.  its like EXECUTING someone for going 6 over the speed limit. It’s like sawing a persons face off while they’re alive and screaming, for doing a lane change with not enough turn signalling. punishment does not fit the crime.

i was referring to this horrible shock video of a mexican drug cartel torturing and killing this guy by slowly tearing his face off while he is still conscious hahaha. I AINT WATCHIN DAT SHIT N199A.jpg hahahahaha.

no i never watched it. i just read a thread about it. 10 years ago, i would have been tempted to watch it. now, hell no.

buy new balance shoes and products because they are hated by leftists and try to make a lot of their products in the US and have not sold out to CHINA. and a ton of shitlibs are boycotting new balance, and nationalists and rights are openly wearing new balance as a signal. DO IT.

yeah i know its wayyyyyyy too expensive if youre a neet. or even if you are not a neet but just a normie making 12 bucks an hour and pay 800 bucks a month for rent and 1000 bucks a month for college loans and 300 bucks a month for car and 300 bucks a month for health care and 100 bucks a month for cable and 100 bucks a month for utilities.

thats 2600 bucks every month for expenses. at at 12 dollars an hour, you only MAKE 2400 bucks at 50 hours a week, WAGIE. so how can you AFFORD to spend 80 bucks on a pair of PRO WHITE SHOES.

 

 

ARE THERE ANY WOMEN WHO DONT LIKE CASUAL SEX?!?!?!?!

oct 29

went to store. wanted to find cheapest face wash soap. have very oily face and starting to think that washing it with dial hand soap is just too harsh and may cause it to become more irritated, more oily, just beating the shit out of it. so i found “dial acne face wash” with salicylic acid. give it a try. i do not get terrible acne, but would get occasional small pimples just because the skin was so damn oily. now i dont have a problem with that per se, i know oily skin ages fairly well, so i will have decent looking skin when i am an old senior.

dial acne face wash for like 3.50, 7.5 oz bottle. pretty happy about this one folks.

really prob the best thing i could do is just wash/rinse with plain water, no soap on the face ever. period. and i might indeed go down that road when this bottle of face wash is done.

had a dream that I was face with like a 20 year old attractive nonwhite girl with brownish skin. i was like WELP I’m a white supremacist, but this gurl is being very interested in me, i COULD bang her, shes got a good body, she’s not ugly, i kinda DO want to bang her, just not make sprog mutant godforsaken abomination babies with her. yeah i will bang her good. maybe even 10 times. it will be fun.

now none of the banging happened in the dream of course hahahaha.

damn. your THIRTY FIVE year old wife with two kids wants to open your marriage now. where do these women get off? maybe a 25 year old woman, i wouldnt be so surprised. but youd think by 35, with 2 kids, she would be mature enough, and more aware of her market value, that she would stop with this hypergamous, have your cake and eat it too bullshit. do you really think youre gonna find a better man at age 35? and youre killing your poor husband cuck!

also this kind of open marriage is insulting to actual polyamorists, which i cant believe i am acknowledging!

this is simply a REAL shitty way of making an EXCUSE for, well hubby, i’m bored with you and i want to cheat and I just met a hot exciting sexy new guy i want to cheat with, so lets try an OPEN REL.  BULLSHIT.

how can she NOT SEE that he isnt gonna agree to this? how is it SO HARD for her to see that MOST people WOULD be VERY UPSET by this? youre 35 years old with a successful career and an 8 year old child!!

AND they are both seeing separate counselors, AND a marriage counselor together!!!!!!

and she still cant see that you just dont CONVINCE  (coerce) your husband into an open rel when he doesnt like the idea………..and 99.9% of men wont!!!!!!!!

i mean SHIT. even the polyamorous GUY the cheating whore was dating talked to the husband, could see how much it was hurting the husband, and broke up with the cheating whore hahahahahahahha.

thing is, there are plenty of women who have tons of casual sex and FWB’s……but they still have that moral line about CHEATING, and have never technically CHEATED.  so i am beign unfair to them with my implication that all casual sex nihilists are also cheaters!

well it IS a slippery slope, isnt it???!?!?!?!?!

sheeeeeeeit.

anyway. its very possible i dont care about a womans past, or a womans many beta harem male friends, when the gurl is OBVIOUSLY INTERESTED in spending time with me. its when they start shutting down and distancing themselves from me, and i get heartbroken and want them back but cant have them back, thats when i start complaining about all the guys shes fooked, or all her male friends that shes gonna fook, who are more sexy and exciting and fun than widdle old me.

but if the woman were ACTUALLY WITH ME for more than 3 weeks, yeah, i think i could put things in perspective and be like, welp, she’s clearly choosing to be with me. rather than making me JUMP THRU HOOPS just to buy her dinner once every two months, or MAYBE ill text you if my other plans dont work out.  when they CLEARLY make me a PRIORITY and not an OPTION. when they clearly make me an OPTION thats when i start bitching about their many other options. and especially their Priorities, who i’m butthurt they chose over me!

so yeah i honestly think i have a decent change of not being all insecure and jealous, ONCE a woman actually CHOOSES me as a priority for longer than a month!

i only get jealous AFTER I get rejected in other words. jealous that she rejects me in favor of them. thats less jealousy and just being plain BUTTHURT or sore loser. and its completely understandable! its HARD to be rejected! especially when you KNOW she is out having fun and lavishing that same shit that you enjoyed SO MUCH for 3 weeks, to some other lucky and/or BETTER guy!!!!!!!!!!

and then i think, COME ON, I’m not THAT shitty…………………………………..

……………………………or AM I????????

and then muh confidence is crushed for years hahahaha.

 

come on. shes 31. she should know how to be nicer to a guy when she dumps him. also its pathetic that he is so hung up over a 31 year old past her prime! this B’s longest rel is only 6 months, and she used to get on a plane to fook a guy before she met this beta guy. thats a good show of effort, when the girl is willing to put forth THAT much WORK, to FLY to see you, regularly.

thing is, they CAN show effort. they CAN be nice. you’ve seen them do it before, you’ve experienced them being nice to YOU before! so why cant they even be 1% as nice when they decide to dump you? be like this just isnt working out, its not you its me, youre not a bad guy, youre a great guy, this is my fault, you can blame me, im sorry, im the bad guy here, but yeah its over because youre not a priority for me and im choosing other guys over you, but its just because i dont want to put in the effort, youre not my type, im sorry to string you along and lead you on and give you false hope, you deserve a loyal and loving woman, and thats not me, im sorry, have a good life, heres at least 100 dollars worth of MJ to help you get through this, and here’s a shrink you can email who will act as my surrogate/representative. the end. hahahahahaha.

that might be a good idea too. hire a shrink to open a new email address and then monitor it and relay messages to the woman, and or shut down any “creepiness” with Firm And Direct statements. the shrink could do the email for 15 minutes a week, 4 weeks, for like 50 dollars.

shirnks or social workers have the communication skills that normal people DONT. so you should pay PROFESSIONALS to handle Breakups, in other words!

why do so many normies do things that you really need PROFESSIONALS to do?

why do you need to go to GRADUATE SCHOOL and become a PROFESSIONAL just to have a Human Relationship???????

i smell jooish stench here hahahahaha.

i dont REALLY think you DO need to go to grad school to have a rel, in other words.

well i mean MEN, because women never have to do any work in rels………..and thats FAIR. dont get mad about that.

i have EIGHTEEN full time years of education. shouldnt that be enough to get me 26k a year?

NO!!!!! you arent ENTITLED to anything!!!! you have WORK to IMPROVE yourself!!!!

well thats what I’m SAYING! i DID do a known quantity of work to improve myself: 18 years of education. isnt that GOOD ENOUGH to warrant, to ENTITLE me, to a 26k job?

NO!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

you hear stories of people who do millions of first dates but no second dates because the women are so terrible and unattractive. then i think, wow, now THAT WOMAN is one of those forgettable first dates for a number of men. yet i havent forgotten about her!!!!

what was so special about her?

well she was super nice to me and wanted to hang out with me and thought i was cool! that was a big confidence boost, AND she was a real nice person and I thought, hey, I LIKE hanging out with such a nice person! see, women arent all MONSTERS!!!!!!! what a good, nice person! this is exactly the type of person i want in my life! i should hang out with her more!

hehehehehe.

hehehehe id like to meet that dad. yoga pants ARE vulgar and they DO make women look like whores and it IS disappointing!

well him looking at porn is degen of course. but SHE, who doesnt have a problem with porn, has a problem with HIM watching porn because it means hes a hypocrite.

no, it just means he likes jerking off to dirty whores! he just doesnt want his daughter to dress like a dirty whore!

meanwhile she is a successful 25 year old career woman, completely financially independent, oooooo what a SUCCESSFUL, strong independent woman who dont need no man, no husband, no father!

he hates promiscuity yet BENEFITS from it by watching porn!

is he REALLY benefitting?

and is it REALLY promiscuous?

are you saying its BAD to be promiscuous?

are you saying PORN is BAD?

the moron doesnt even know what she’s saying.

”  “Women who wear yoga pants look like sluts.” is not a logical position, it’s an emotional one, and emotions are difficult to change.  ”

OF COURSE ITS A LOGICAL POSITION!!!!!!! YOU CAN SEE THEIR DAMN ASS AND GENITALS AS IF THEY ARE COMPLETELY NAKED AND SHOWING IT OFF TO THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!

and yeah that does make people emotional…….for a logical reason. the root cause is logical.

o come on. you think ALL those religious pray the gay away homophobes are all jerking off to “lesbian porn?”

NOT EVERYBODY FOOKING WATCHES PORN, YOU FOOKING VULGAR DEGEN NIHILISTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not all women haters, not all homophobes, not all religious sex-haters,  not all PEOPLE watch PORN!!!!!

stop ASSUMING everybody watches porn!! THEY DONT !!!!!!!

what kind of degen world do these people live in, where everybody watches porn and that behavior is normal???

these reddit women like to point out they will be SEXUALIZED no matter what kind of clothes they were, that they will be Catcalled if they wear a burka or yoga pants.

i cant help but think this is bullshit. yeah some perverted men will catcall and harass women in burkas, but wearing yoga pants is just gonna get you a LOT MORE attention, plus it shows that you ENJOY that attention. that you are actively ENCOURAGING that attention, not DISCOURAGING that attention, which is what dressing modestly does.

but yeah when you show basically your naked body to strangers, dont be suprised when people approach you like you want to get fooked. dont advertise your damn practically naked body. and get mad when men treat and look at you sexually. idiot.

heh. thats one reason i liked that woman. she NEVER wore yoga pants or anything slutty.

THAT I KNOW OF. what if she dressed like a TOTAL slut when she was out doing her thing.

it doesnt matter!!!!!

ARE THERE ANY WOMEN WHO DONT LIKE CASUAL SEX??????

oct 30

i am very happy with the new dial acne control face wash for managing muh oily face, without drying it out and abusing it.

heh. i just ASSUME the sweet jobs i interviewed for early in the week will not call me back. nope. i still need to pay more dues, do more interviews, 27 is not enough, im not good enough even for a PART TIME job. i would totally take the part time job because its a way to just get used to working and gradually build your confidence. where throwing you to the wolves for 50 hours a week will destroy your confidence and that terrifies me. in make or break situations, i tend to get broken hahahahaha.  in sink or swim, i tend to sink hahahaha.  so why do all working situations need to be sink or swim? because thats what WORK IS. kinda like joining the MARINES hahahahaha.

then how do SO MANY people DO it? who would probably flunk out of the MARINES?

cuz they dont mind lying and bullshitting and giving shitty service to angry customers and saying not my problem, cant help you, you dont have to like it, goodbye.

heh. when i havent found a “good” person, i always worry that i would have “grass is greener” syndrome, and women have certainly seemed to have it with ME, have no problem dumping me for for exciting men. but when i find someone “good,” i am fully committed. all in. and then i get quickly dumped for greener grass hahahahaha and heartborken for 2 years.

they alway mention loveisrespect.org hahahaha. if men acted like that, they would get dumped for being boring doormat pussy omega sissy unmasculine cucks. you have to DOMINATE at least a little bit.

but in my sensitive sissy heart, i LIKE that loveisrespect stuff. i want a women to accept me for my sissy self.

”  YOUR RESULT:
Your Love Language:
👐 Physical Touch
Hugs and kisses are so much better than any present, right? You are hopelessly romantic and could never date or marry someone who doesn’t like to snuggle on the couch or in bed each night. You enjoy holding hands anywhere and everywhere and think there is nothing sweeter than seeing an elderly couple doing the same. You understand that life is short and the best things in life are free!   ”

this is the result of my Love Languages test.

was not expecting this, i expected something more with talking or writing.

well, i do like cuddling, spanning time, hanging out, but i hate sex hahahahaha.

so yeah . take this physical language shit to mean that i take cuddling very seriously. and i do. but i dont need to fook 10 times a week, or right away.

YOU NEED THERAPY hahahahaha

hehhehe a 30 year old guy who keeps getting dumped by a 40 year old woman with kids. WOW thats gotta be rough. you cant even keep a 40 year old woman with kids from dumping you.

never mind a 25 year old woman with no kids and low number!!!!!!!

maybe she can use all the money she makes to buy herself a good man hahahahahahahahahahaha

because a 7/10 25 yo white woman with no kids needs to BUY a man with money hahahahahaha.

so a guy gets drunk and smacks a girl dressed like a slut at a halloween partys ass, and all the harpies on reddit say ITS SEXUAL ASSAULT!!!! RAPEY!!!!!! and i am downvoting them all hahahahaha.

like your BF never got drunk and smacked a girls ass before!

i never did, but i dont see how its the end of the world.

these reddit women, think EVERYTHING is SEXUAL ASSAULT.

oh good luck if you want to be going out with DONALD TRUMP. does he grab women by the pvssy too? donald trump SEXUALLY ASSAULTS WOMEN!!!!!!!

real life women actually believe this!

well real life women will believe anything the Controlled Media tells them……..or a strong dominant man tells them!

you just say, boys will be boys, baby, and then smack her ass and plow her hard hahahahahaha.

anyway. sheeeeeeeit.

how to stay cool under pressure. blacks do it. aint no thang but a chikun wang. ok great. how about some WHITES who are cool under pressure. like AUSTRALIANS. they just say she’ll be all right mate, and continue to bantz each other and call each other cvnts and drink vb’s. nothing BOTHERS or FLUSTERS them.

yep i totally understand those feels even though i have not been in that same situation really, but i have seen women choose other guys after dumping me and i would get mad and jealous cuz i really wanted to spend some more time with them and i felt they ended my “turn” WAYYYYY too soon.

again my horrendous sense of entitlement! im not ENTITLED to be with a woman longer than…..5 dates? 8 dates? however many “dates” we had. i think is a more accurate way of expressing it than 3 weeks or 2 month or whatever. cuz its not like we were hanging out more than once a week, once every 2 weeks. always an uphill battle trying to get them to make time for me.

they were never THAT interested in me! it was VERY casual! i mean really, That Woman, even though were never had Casual (or uncasual) secs, she was WAY more Interested in me, because she was willing to talk to me and hang out with me over a period of several years! when the other women were DONE with me in a matter of 2 months at most!

anyway when i went to the social thing, there were attractive 25 year old women there in the audience. i should have Chit Chatted with them. but thats hard to do when you are an unemployed 35 year old who makes less than 26k a year! 25 year old women make 40k a year!

see this is the type of stuff i shouldnt be writing about, its pointless, its Counter Productive hahahaha. its destructive and negative. writing like this got me into the mess im in now!

but yeah. in other words, i think i COULD be not super insecure about “muh gf” having tons of male friends, having 10+ previous secs partners, AS LONG AS she put in a good faith effort to SHOW me that I was the priority and not them. I never had that before.

oh, i put in a good faith effort, but we were hanging out and drinking, and one thing led to another, and i fell onto his dick, please forgive me hahahahaha.

heh. i probably would, because my expectations are so low: oh i cheated on you, no i dont want your forgiveness, in fact, im just gonna leave you for him right now. insult to injury. cheated and dumped. no remorse.

just because you dump your bf immediately after cheating on him doesnt mean your cheating wasnt cheating!

im not even talking to anyone in particular, im talking to a fictional hypothetical woman doing a hypothetical shitty thing!

shit spirals hahahaahaha.

ok well heres something good. i could easily look up that womans name in google, and see what comes up, or i could look at the front page of her facebook and instagram page, seeing a current photo of her in other words, possibly with new foccbois, possible black hahahaha. i could be looking for her on okcupid (well, i did look at her once long ago on OKC, but never since) or plenty of fish or whatever. but i havent done ANY of this. at the very least, google her name, or look at her FB profile picture. but no. i have not done any of that! give me a reward! hahahahaha.

in SOME states you can get medical MJ card for anxiety. maybe even depression. actually no.

https://www.leafly.com/news/health/qualifying-conditions-for-medical-marijuana-by-state

cant tell.

anyway. GIVE ME A CHANCE. give me a chance to show that i wont get too jealous or controlling about your male friends. show me that you like me MORE than all your male friends and wont give up on me after a few weeks! and maybe i wouldnt be so goddam suspicious about womens male friends! sheeeeeeeeeeit.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/kovie-biakolo/2014/09/this-is-what-is-really-wrong-with-casual-sex/

 

http://www.debate.org/opinions/is-casual-sex-wrong

heh

https://www.thetrumpet.com/article/7750.24.131.0/society/the-emotional-corrosion-of-casual-sex?preview

religious source though but still very valid article hehehehe

i just want a woman who takes sex SERIOUSLY and who does NOT like casual sex! is that so much to ask? women SHOULD take sex seriously, they can get fooking pregnant! but many of them have a CASUAL attitude towards ABORTION as well!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!!!!!

and then these DISGUSTING ANIMALS go on to have successful careers, and then they have longterm rels, get married, have children, all the things i want to do!!!!!!!!1

i shouldnt have to google “why is casual sex wrong” to find the PERFECT argument so i can CONVINCE a woman not to have casual sex!!!!!!

and then everything near the top is like cosmo and jezebel and thebustle and womens magazines talking about how fun casual sex is and how all women should experiment with a casual sex phase in their 20s. have fun! sow your wild oats!

YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW.

and when you sow degenerate wild oats…….uhhh you get degenerate wild oats years later. its NOT A GOOD THING.

maybe i would be different f i had a casual sex wild oats period and had fooked 10 women, but i havent, and so it is what it is! you dont have to LIKE it!

 

so jealous of this guy who has massive emo and abandonment issues and will never get a woman…………………………………….. BUT AT LEAST HE MAKES GREAT MONEY and he doesnt seem in danger of losing or quitting his job.

well…..actually he IS very anxious about his job, has big anxiety in general. probably GAD hahahaha.

oct 31

i just hate being put in positions where i have to CONVINCE and EXPLAIN things that are VERY confusing and that I dont understand, to frustrated people. yes, I SWEAR I cannot fix this, your manager has to fix this. so he said to call us? well he’s wrong, we can’t fix this, he has to fix this. he’s not doing his job. so you called us and we fixed it 3 months ago? hmm. do you have the case number hahahahaha. oh you dont then we cant help you. we have no record of that. no im not calling you a liar. im just saying we have no record of your call. no you cant speak to my manager. he’ll tell you the same thing. that your manager is wrong and that if your manager has any questions, he should speak to HIS manager. oh his manager said that WE have to fix this? well they’re BOTH wrong. have your managers manager speak to HIS manager. no they cant speak to my manager. NOBODY can speak to my manager! where are these policies written down? they’re NOT, because they change every day. we have no record of any policies. the policies are always changing and as of right now, the policy is that we dont fix it. no we dont have that in writing. it is what it is. you dont have to like it. you dont like it? find a new job. your customers dont like it? we dont want their money, they can find a new provider. oh thats a known issue. it will be fixed in a future software update. no timeline. hopefully soon, but cant make any promises or speculation. so your customers waiting? then ask your manager to approve a discount, or they can go somewhere else.

this kind of bullshit just both frustrates me and makes me panic. i mean what do you SAY in these difficult situations? similarly i dont want to do something where I regularly have to give really bad news. like no we are not covering this prescription for your cancer ridden mother, why, well because my manager said so, no you cant speak to them, they are unavailable. good luck watching your mother die! is there anything else i can HELP YOU WITH today?

that kind of bullshit. where i want to be straight with people but i dont have the info and i dont have the help. at those points i will gladly throw my superiors under the bus to show sympathy for the customer/caller.

also you cant say that you stayed and worked off the clock to be more efficient with your time, because no manager is going to Officially Approve of you working off the clock. because what if you hurt yourself at the workplace, but off the clock?

well then maybe they would have a legal case saying YOU SHOULDNT HAVE BEEN THERE, so they are not gonna pay for your treatment.

but yeah, you shouldnt admit to staying off the clock to finish your work. i guess this doesnt apply to exempt salary jobs, when you are technically on the clock all your life. we dont punch a clock here.

anyway youre just telling the manager that you dont work quickly and efficiently enough, that you need extra time (ie extra money) and that you arent as good as employees that get all their work done in the time allotted. youre SLOW.

i mean still stay after you punch out and do work for free so you can suck up and try to look good, but you just cant brag about it as a way to help you get the job.

i mean i already candy coat shit and try to sell myself as some confident miracle worker who is really good at explaining confusing shit to angry customers.

you can say that when you go home you study work related material in your free time so you can do your job more efficiently. that’s less sketchy than staying around after punchout to “do extra work for free”. so i do say that i do a lot of studying on my free time.

well how do i explain that i didnt want to go to GRAD SCHOOL. you just dont simply dont want to go to grad school. should i say i applied and was rejected? then you look like a loser failure. you got rejected from grad school, why shouldnt you get rejected from jobs?

and i didnt even get rejected from grad school, i simply didnt apply, because i didnt really want to go! and also i felt that i WOULD get rejected because i didnt have enough good references or undergrad research/honors/thesis/internship experience!

ok applied to 3 jobs. no chance. 1 fedgov job (32k), 2 state jobs (34k, 39k). i mean i wish i could just bring up a list of 32k jobs, shit 26k jobs, and just apply for those. but less than half of jobs tell you what the pay is, unless its a govt job like these.

ok 4th job. local auto dealer. accounting clerk. sheeeeeeeeit.

i get more angry and hateful when i am more productive hahaha. i just hate everyone and everything. all these normie morons who can get and keep jobs but i cant. what the fook do they WANT from me? so yeah even though its good to be productive to do job apps……is it really good if i am kinda half assing them, tyring to go as fast as possible, in 14 minutes per, plug and play the right “variables”, etc, go through the motions, feel some anger, these phaggots, these sluts, these normies, i just want to make 26k a year and smoke MJ every day hahahahaha, maybe fook some 25 year old sluts, and evangelize to them to luv their race and never mudshark again.

cluster c personality disorders. including avoidant personality disorder which i probably have. heh. i remember when i was 20 i was like OH GOD i hope i dont have a personality disorder, that would REALLY suck.

yeah well i prob only had garden variety anxiety back then………NOW i have a full blown personality disorder hahahaha. all because i was too cowardly to go see a shrink at age 20.

yeah well i started seeing a shrink at age 26, maybe 25………thats not too bad eh?????

its really not, hahahaha. good for me!!! hahahaha.

the idito bitches in reddit think that MUH EDUCATIONNNNNNN is the answer to everything. as if two short years and 200 measly dollars in tuition will suddenly skyroket you from 13 an hour to 15 an hour HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

some good covers on here! but would like to hear more “covers” of stuff from his latest two ambient albums, which i think he could have spent a LITTLE more time and effort on hahahahaha to make them SOUND BETTER.

 

heheh the flipside of what happened to me. he is confused and a little upset sure but he doesnt GHOST her. he is confused and doesnt know what to do, but he doesnt want to block her from his life without any explanation.

great response:

”   ]acox1701 7 points 4 hours ago
It would probably help if you have another conversation with her- after you sort through your feelings and what you want.
A million times this.
Not responding to her at once is not a dick move, unless OP literally said nothing. It’s bound to be upsetting, but one cannot reasonably be expected to react to such a thing on zero notice.
OP, figure out your shit, and sit her down. Negotiate things. Ask her if it’s hurting her to be around you, and then trust her answer. Tell her that if she changes her mind, to let you know.
Negotiate your friendship like an international arms treaty. That sounds odd, but a lot of relationships, romantic or otherwise are based on a vast number of underlying assumptions, and this relationship has just had all of those swept away. You and she need to reestablish them, together, so that you can continue.
Important topics to bring up:
Does she expect you to return her affection? Does she want you to?
Do you want to return her affection? Would you be willing to explore it, or are you unwilling to take the risks that would entail for your current social scene?
Do you need to spend a few months separate from each other? Could you quietly communicate before events so one or the other stays home from some or all things? Can you both be respectful of the other’s occasional need to stay home, or request the other stay home? Can you both be cool about it?
You are going to want to avoid teasing, touching, or flirting with her. Make sure she knows this, and is aware that you’re trying to not cause her any inner turmoil, or false hope, or similar. She may insist that she’s OK with it. (I’d rather be teased by my crush, with no hope of it going anywhere, than to be ignored, but I’m a sad, pathetic little man)
All things on the table. Talk it out, then you can both get on with your lives.   ”

heheheh. saving that in case i ever get feelings for a friend again, so i can print that out, give it to them, and say, lets talk about THESE THINGS.

i would give the guy REDDIT GOLD if reddit was worth supporting hahahaha.

ok finally applied to 5th job, that is enough for today hahaha.

it was tricky, since problems with router again hehehe. or wireless card. have to restart computer just to get the wireless connection back. i dont know if the problem is in the wireless card or in the router. cant be determined. cant be fixed. sorry. is there anything else i can help you with today?

i dont know what to tell you, and no you cant speak to a more experienced person. no, you cant speak to the person i am getting advice from. hes not even in my office. he is scheduled to be in a chat room for the next 4 hours. also he’s never wrong, his judgement is INFALLIBLE.

yeah i admit his job is not fun either. having to stay in this chat room and give advice to the squealing piggies, the level 1s. but its better than being the level 1’s on the phone with the customers who dont know what theyre doing!

i dont know what to tell you. other than i can do nothing, i cant transfer you to someone better, and hopefully this problem goes away on its own.

heh. i never thought that going on DISABILITY would ever be a realistic thing hahahahaha.

i dont want to be disabled! i just want to work like a normie and not SNAP!!!!!!

applied for 6th job, that was a little excruciating hehehe. but it only t0ok 23 minutes with an average of 14 hehehe.

i mean its hard not to be perfectionistic, when you have to be PERFECT to have any success!

or you cant mentally check out at your job becuase your quality will slip because your job takes perfect concentration and intense skill! so you cant not have measurably bad quality when you are having a bad day! because the worse your mood is, the worse your work is, and your supervisors immediately notice that you are not longer performing at the minimum!!!!

how do you GET AWAY with half assing your work, in other words?

 

oh this BEAUTIFUL young man! he is in college and everyone is having casual sex, but he is not interested, he thinks sex is something SPECIAL!!!!!!!!

OH YOURE ADORABLE.

the sad thing is that there ARE wimmin in uni that really DO want a rel, and DONT like casual secs. and i totally fooked it up and didnt TRY hard enough to find them !!!!!!!

applied for unheard of 7th job. at a fairly well known company. choice employer, like top tier shit that i have no chance of getting an interview. so why even apply. waste 13 minutes applying. well maybe 30 minutes and i could have tailored the shit REAL nice. but i didnt.

i mean underachieving losers dont get jobs at GOOD companies, they get jobs at BAD companies, if they get jobs at all.

might go to fatness club today for first time in months.

 

well this is kinda a big deal, the first release from deathspell omega in 4 years. kewl cover tho bro. hopefully its not all wankish spaghetti and jerking off hahahahahah. hasjarl decides he’s tired of making 200k a year with his donald trump real estate business, and probably having rels with solid 8/10’s, to make music like its 2005 again hahahahaha.  i have not listened to this yet, yeah i will give it a proper listen i guess. i mean why not. i like mikko aspa hahahahahaha. synarchy of molten bones, what does that even MEAN. i bet they just have a damn drum machine. there is no mystique hahahahaha. [citation needed hahahaha]

im just jelly that hasjarl can make good money at a normie job. i am jelly of any musician who does that. you get to be successful at work OR music, not BOTH. pick one AND ONLY ONE.

like these stupid musicians that get phds, or they have good jobs. i bet thats the reason dso never tours, is that he’s got a good job but its not so good that he can get weeks off at a time to play shows.

no i really have no idea. i do hope the album isnt a goddamn noisy overtechnical mess hahahahaha. how about some riffs and and melodies and not 600000000000000000 wanky bits slapped together. i thought that stuff was kewl when i was 25 hahahahaha but not anymore. so write riffs like you were 20 years old again, mannnnnn. and let mikko turn you into a nationalist. and let me make mikko into a HUHWHYTE nationalist hahahahaha.

no that really is a pretty good cover art tho.

but satan satan satan oooh orthodox esoteric satanism whoooooooo spoooooopy hahahahaha. who cares. he knows his shtick has gotten old hahahahahaha.

no i dont know why i am such an asshole to him hahahaha. prob just jelly. that he’s a normie nonvirgin nonnevergf AND he makes very influential music and he can get mikko to hang out with him. actually i BET mikko just stays in finland and records his vocals in his own “studio” and sends them to DSO aka “hasjarl.”

I DONT TRUST ANYONE WHOS NOT A NEVERGF. THESE NONNEVERGF NORMIES!!!!!!!!

I HATE NONVIRGINS AND NONNEVERGFS hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

and EVERYONE is either a nonnevergf or especially a nonvirgin!

well technically even I am a nonvirgin hahahaha. so i got that going for me hahaha.

6 jobs in 1 day, havent applied to a job in 10 days hahahaha. although i did have 3 interviews in that time, MOTHER FOOKER hahahaha.

sheeeeeeeeeit found rare ass FT job at big local employer. they have like 3 FT jobs a year, a ridic low number considering the number of employees and customers. used to work an easy job here for years. would LOVE to get another easy PT job just as kinda training wheels for me right now…….but i cant even get a PT job there yet. interviewed for  3 PT jobs there, turned down each time, have 4th pt job interview there this week. getting FT job there would be RIDICULOUS. to think i had a bigass chance at that TWO YEARS AGO. i remember talking about it with that woman. she said ohhh i really hope you get it. i really wanted to get it too!

took half dose of nyquil.

so, 8 jobs today. that is ridic damn good. not my highest ever but close. certainly a relative high, because i am lucky to get 4 done on one day. and havent done ONE in TEN days hehehehe. like a lazy NGR hahahahaha.

but yeah the job was open for like 2 weeks and it closes in 2 days and i was frustrated because this was the first i was seeing it because there is no way to get damn email alerts for these jobs. you either check the companies jobs sites or YOUR SCREWED. these jobs do NOT show up on indeed. ive set up indeed alerts for this company and get NOTHING.

well i bet they do that intentionally, to not get 9000000000000000000000000000000000000 applicants. not like you need the best of the best to do this 33k job. but i see that and i am like THIS IS PERFECT, get instant hardon. get a WAY bigger hardon for a 33k job than a 34k, 35k, or 40k job. closer to 26k, the better of a chance i have!

so yeah i applied for that the instant i saw it.

also cannot find the job on careerbuilder OR monster. ONLY the goddam company website itself.

heh. this is EXACTLY the type of job they would promise to some pt slob on the inside, but they HAVE To post it because rules. well….i shouldnt say pt slob, becuase the the pt slob deserves this job.

but i am a little butthurt that i worked there pt for FIVE YEARS and couldnt get an FT job there. just because i was an idiot who didnt PUSH hard enough.

and then when i PUSHED with that woman, i totally blew that.

i just dont know when to push and when not to push!

well shit. if i got another pt job there, i would PUSH alot harder! but getting a pt job there is not easy either!

weird thing is, i would get emails about jobs when i was a pt there………..but i dont remember many ft jobs that werent on the website. which was like 2 a year hahahaha.

so i shoulda PUSHED the HR department, and been like, put me on The List. Get me in The Pool. talk to my manager if you need approval.

they dont want to have alerts for their jobs, because that means more resumes to read!!!!!!!

and you are gonna find a good enough candidate whether you read 100 resumes or 1000. so that the Marginal value of reading one more resume drastically drops off after like # 100. what is that number? might even be #70 hahaha.

i tell you its NOT 1000!!!!!!!!

closer to 100 than it is to 1000!!!!!!

i mean this org does not have a ton of employees from muh university…..because the assholes from muh university go to much more presitigous places and wouldnt be caught dead working here!!!!

DONT SEPARATE THINGS THAT SHOULDNT BE SEPARATED

oct 26

ok  done with interview for PT 15 an hour job. 1500 hours a year max. 24 to 32 hours depending on the department. 3 openings, 3 diff departments. one is def more customer oriented. hope they dont pick me for THAT one because i said i was good at dealing with difficult customers. yeeeesh.  yikes. oy vey. so just do a shitty job, quit, and never work for this org again hahahaha when it is DEF one of my Top Orgs To Work For. great benefits, close to home, unfireable, stable secure job, union.

talked to 3 people, including a handsome young man who i learned is about 3 or 4 years younger than me and he has a Controller position, because he Chose A Good Life with Hard Work, and has a BS in Accounting, an MBA with focus on Taxation, a CPA, so hence he’ll always have a GREAT job. why didnt I just Be Like Him. I joked that I did poorly on the accounting portion of the test, but that I was just rusty and I can brush up on my Accounting Fundamentals.

3 people in the room grilling me hahahahaha. no they were all nice enough. I got emails from all. i have def gotten better at that. just getting emails from EVERYONE in the room.

i need a full 20 ounce mug of strong coffee JUST TO GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING to be somewhere at 8:30 am hahahahaha.

meaning i pour the mug the night before, leave it on my table next to the bed, set alarm 15 to 20 minutes before i want to get up, then drink the coffee while laying in bed and watching weather and news, then pull self out of bed.

i would NOT want to still have to MAKE the coffee. I just want to REACH out of bed and GRAB a full mug of awesome room temperature coffee thats been sitting out all night. this truly does make it a lot easier to get up. i have been doing this for years. i dont regret it one bit. i RECOMMEND it to ANYBODY.

interview was at 9 am, i got there at like 8:15, i like getting their SUPER early and prepping in the car.

actual interview was less than 30 minutes. they didnt rush me PER SE, but i got the impression there were other people waiting. plus its a part time job hahahaha. i said As You Can Imagine, my ultimate goal is a FT job with this org, would this PT person have access to The Secret Internal FT Postings? yes yes they would.

anyway thats it for this week. did not get great sleep last night. i mean i can TOTALLY get used to getting up EARLY in the morning……but it HAS to be REGULAR. i need a ROUTINE. after a few days or a week of that, i will get used to going to bed earlier and getting up at 6am, 5am. shit i got up at 6 am today to get ready for being there at 9am.

so if i got this other job that starts at 8 am, id have to get up a FIVE am every day. well especially cuz that one is further away. a whopping 14 miles away. this place today is only 4 miles away. also i get up SUPER early, ive NEVER been a sleep in as late as possible and Rush To Work in the NIck of Time. downside is that eats up valuable sleeping time.

/r/relships. i cant stop reading it, its SO ridiculous. some of it is good, some of it is fooking awful.

it DOES NOT help that 80% of the shit is by women for women. i wish there was a relship sub for men by men. it makes a big difference. cuz women dont know what theyre talking about, ever. hahahahahaha. terrible judgment, terribly wrong. WRONG. hahahaha. WRONG.

heh. the other bad thing about getting up early is, you are now awake 16 hours a day and have to figure out how to eat only 1200 calories. you are Hungry More because you are too used to Sleeping through those hours when you are hungry. like its 11am and i am STARVING even though I had some Cereal around 7 am. 350 calories. shit. 390 calories cereal and milk.

degree in account, masters in taxation, cpa. this is fooking AWESOME. i hear the masters in tax is one of the better masters you can get. this guy formerly worked with a well known accounting firm for 5 years. kinda surprised he is working where he is now. youd think it would be beneath him.

now he did not go to a name school………but the school he went to is actually kinda well regarded for accounting. which is exactly what he did. why didnt i choose that life hahahahaha.

i just saw him and i was like WHOA this guys the CONTROLLER? hes a KID!!!!!!!!!!

I guess there is Financial Director who is one step above him though.

see the stupid women would say this si just fine, stop trying to control her, you jealous abuser.

not even seeing that essentially the male FWB rejected her because SHE wanted MORE, and now they’re still just friends and hang out and talk constantly.

DONT SUCK A GUYS DICK ON THE THRID DATE!!!!! THATS DEGENERATE!!!! NIHILISTIC!!!!!!!!!

that was a different one hehehe.

its not INTENTIONALLY nihilistic. i mean they think its about FUN and who knows this might turn out to be the one, but lets just have some spontaneous fun in the moment.

fun fun fun fun fun fun fun. all about fun. muh dick.

i mean yeah its HEDONISM not nihilism per se, but IMHO hedonism is pretty damn nihilistic at root. i mean women arent capable of understanding that, most men arent either. but all white men are capable. nto sure about white women. maybe some are capable. ive never met one hahahahaha. no thats patently false, i certainly have met decent, nonhedonistic women that werent all muh dick muh dick muh clit muh orgasms muh fun casual fwb secs.

jeff daniels looks like slavoj zizek in this movie hahahahahaha

i mean is zizek really THAT cool? probably not, folks, probably not. why the hell did i ever like him in the first place? because he spouted pseudointellectual crap. that at its core is JOOISH as hell: critical theory, frankfurt skool POISON. but he made getting a phd in philosophy seem really Sexy to a 21 year old.

SIXTY dollars to see nick cave? thats almost as bad as fifty dollars to see morrissey. but i like nick cave a lot better. but thank god i have already had the PRIVILEGE of seeing nick cave. not many people can say that hahahahaha. and it was an even more outstanding show than you would expect. i almost DONT want to see him again because that is a high standard to exceed. also i dont really like his new album. but i should see him just to see him right? but 60 bucks? damn.

imean if it were tom waits I totally would. or neil young, in a theater of this size, with crazy horse for SURE, and hopefully less than 60 bucks.

not many people on muh bucket list. maybe bob dylan but thats a big maybe.

well tom petty would be nice. yeah id go see him. but prob not for 60 bucks. or in a gay ass outdoor theater full of drunk trash.

who else. maybe some black metal. or metal in general. judas priest, iron maiden, never saw them, missed shows by both in the past year, too lazy. i mean i had the TIME!

yeah i would pay 80 bucks to see darkthrone hahaha. or varg vikernes. or muh buddy mikko.

anyway.

i might have been ok with casual secs if i had ever had any sort of FWB thing work out. for example, women2004 and 2005, they just wanted casual dating ie secs ie casual FUN. I was like NO i want a serious rel so they dumped me because they didnt WANT a serious rel.  BUT I could have gotten a LOT of secs out of them if I had just said lets keep it casual. so in hindsight i wish i had done that, just so i could have had a lot of secs with some qt young gurls. instead i had secs like 2 times. better than nothing but still.

i mean theyre not horrible people for wanting what they want and rejecting me because i wasnt that. well, beyond the fact that what they wanted is………….pretty degenerate. but then again, some of my wants are pretty degen too, like wanting to smoke MJ, or being open to casual secs. (but not actively seeking it out.)

but i am so inexperienced with secs, that i automatically confuse secs with feelings.

THIS ISNT REALLY “CONFUSION!” ITS THE NATURAL WAY! IT IS RIGHT AND JUST AND NORMAL!!! WHATS NOT NORMAL IS THE PEOPLE WHO TRY TO UNTANGLE THEM!!!!!

DO NOT SEPARATE WHAT THE LORD HAS BOUND TOGETHER!!! hahahaha.

or, DONT SEPARATE THINGS THAT SHOULDNT BE SEPARATED!!!!!!!!! if you prefer that.

young girls wanting casual sex, and old men wanting serious feelings secs.

SEX IS INHERENTLY INTIMATE, IT IS BAD TO TRY TO MAKE IT CASUAL. IT CANT BE CASUAL.

that ultimately is the END OF DISCUSSION.

so yeah me and these women had Incompatible Values.

AND they made an EFFORT to give me Common Courtesy and Respect when they Dumped me! they made an effort not to add insult to injury! so i appreciate that now.

DONT ADD INSULT TO INJURY!!!!!!!!

maybe i should become a Christian Counselor. there are tons of them. is it any easier than becoming a Non Religious Counselor? as far as degrees, licensing, etc.

i cant see it being any easier getting a license from the state, but i could be wrong.

if youre being charged with a heinous crime, WHY NOT perjure yourself rather than taking the 5th amendment hahahaha.  just watching law and order. i guess this show could inspire a young person to become a cop or a lawyer.

anyway i never stalked her. dont know why i have to PROVE this. i guess because the women of reddit would say that sending emails is STALKING.

yeah ok i DID send probably too many emails, but after a month of that, I was DONE. FINISHED. COMPLETELY.

I sent 4 emails in 1 month. 3 of them were pretty long. does that make me an evil stalker? no it just makes me sad and desperate and pathetic.

also if she had said stop sending me emails, i probably would have hahahahaha. or maybe just sent one more hahahaha.

the worst i did was crane my neck to try to look for her car in the parking lot of her workplace as i drove by the workplace which was ON the most direct route to my destination. and if i get that job then i wont go 2 miles out of my way just to NOT drive by that other place every day. i might even crane my neck again. but its not like im pulling into the parking lot and sitting there waiting for her!!!!! that WOULD be creepy!!! i dont WANT to be a creep! but also women think everything is creepy. plus i can totally understand why men do creepy things.

anyway. i guess i would like sluts more if i had more benefits from those sluts. but really womens Sexual Desire has led them away from boring old me. I am always at odds with Female Sexual Desire, Fighting it, trying to keep it from straying away from me, trying to hold on to it.

yeah i guess i am TRYING too hard. you should have to TRY this hard to “maintain somebodys interest” in you.

but yeah i am now done with my week o interviews and can start applying to jobs again hahahaha.

i mean TWO of these three jobs I would REALLY like. these are some strong jobs to get your hopes up for.

how have i never seen this dark haired woman cop on law and order. she is very attractive, would bang/10. but is she jooish? this is like early 2000s, she is partner with black male cop, hopefully doesnt mudshark with him, sam waterston is still the DA. i think this is just Straight Up Regular Law and Order, not SVU or any of that.

milena govich. obvious a yugo sort of name. potentially jooish. wiki says serbian (and scottish.) well yeah the NAME is SERBIAN, just like STEIN is GERMAN. thats not what Im ASKING hahahahahahahaha.

2006-7, det nina cassidy.

i just dont know. i think she is a goy but you never know with these sneaky J’s, ive been fooled before. i would casually bang her while waiting for the 23 and me results HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

YES I have a FILTER, I know what things you should and should not say around WOMEN. I wouldnt say ANYTHING I say on here around women.

but yeah i dont want to be a creep, or a niceguy, or an abuser, or the jealous type, or a controller, or any of that stuff. but maybe i AM ok with being a “woman hater” hahahaha i mean how can any woke man not be hahahaha.

maybe i like proving to them that i have good enough social skills so they cant slander me as creepy. i dont say or do inappropriate things, but my god do i judge the hell out of women when they are not around.

and i dont feel bad about judging women. i dont mind being called a Woman JUDGER!!!!!! i mean thats what i do, i judge women!!!!!!

but in the social world, I treat them with respect. EVEN IF THEY DONT DESERVE IT!!!!! i really wouldnt treat ANYONE with disrespect until after they treated ME with disrespect.

i mean everyone makes mistakes, even That Woman doesnt deserve to be hurt even though she hurt me, because she didnt have intent, and even if she DID, it would still be better karma for me to just Let It Go, and no i dont want her to get hurt really bad. i mean i would like her to learn a lesson. but she was just stupid and weak, i was stupid and weak, and ultimately i was the one who got hurt more, a lot more.

now i mean feel different about someone who did something MORE hostile and intentional, like cheating or accusing me of abuse or something. totally lying and betraying me.

i dont do sketchy or bad shit with women. i dont DO anything really immoral. the most immoral i get is have JUDGEY THOUGHTS. i dont have thoughts about hurting or abusing or mistreating women. I just have thoughts of jdugement and disgust and contempt. but i dont ACT on these thoughts! I try not to do ANY immoral actions! because MORALITY is VERY VERY IMPORTANT to me!!!!!!!

1200 CALORIE DIET!!!!!

i guarantee you. if you eat only 1200 calories a day, you WILL lose weight even without exercise.

you will also be hungry at all times.

well some say 1200 for women, 1800 for men. that 1200 is the absolutely healthy minimum for WOMEN, who need less calories than men anyway.

so maybe 1200 is not even Healthy For Me. well, moot point now that I blew right by it by 150 calories and also today is muh cheat day too and i will be eating again later!

 

 

incel neet virgin 26 year old brother is resentful of his 20 year old NORMIE brother who can get a GF hehehehe. reddit shames the incel neet as a creepy woman hater, anyone who “unironically uses the word NORMIE after high school” is one of these hahaha.

now i dont MIND being friends with women like this guy seems to……but im not sure having Women Friends makes you any more likely to make a woman want to Be With you in a secsy way. you just get the friendzone hahahahahahahahaha. you can relate to women as human beings to your hearts content….in the friendzone hahahaha.  but yeah i guess i’ll admit that when you have a woman friend, it DOES make them seem more human, less alien, more knowable. but it makes all the more THIRSTY for a gf too. because youre like well now i actually KNOW a woman, this isnt so bad! but now I REALLY REALLY REALLY want a GF! I had forgotten what its like to even be NEAR a woman and to have a woman show ANY INTEREST in me! it feels good and i want what the NORMIES have!

anyway i am not as bad as that guys brother. i can control myself around women at least and dont do anything really creepy. plus i had secs once 12 years ago with the help of alcohol hahahahahahaha.

the first time he saw a tit? hasnt he ever watched jooish porn? not that i recommend it.

does he have a JOB? is he EMPLOYED? surprised this was never mentioned by the commenters. probably not, hes prob a damn neet.

i mean just like having a gf or at least a fwb is the litmus test of a NORMIE, so is having an at least average job. making at least 13 bucks an hour.

well, we did have some incels making 15 an hour at my last job hahahaha.

reddit. a bunch of damn degenerate nonvirgins SHAMING the morally superior virgins and calling them creepy and disturbed and elliott rodger, just because they dont fook like a bunch of NEGROES hahahahahaha.

these “social nerds” are an interesting bunch, i knew a lot in university. they were “weird” and “anti establishment” and “non conformist” but they were FAR from social outcasts, and had a ton of friends, and GF’s, sex experience, Relship experience, all from a young age, and turned out being successful normies with wives and children hahahahahaha.

NORMIES.

DIRTY NONVIRGIN NORMIES hahahahahaha.

PIGS, DOGS, DISGUSTING ANIMALS hahahahahahahaha.

” He’ll never figure out how to get a girlfriend until he starts treating women like people rather than games that you have to win to get romance and sex. ”  hehehehe but……….its that accurate? except they are not as fun or easy as a game. its a frustrating sick game.

well not even. the “game”, as designed by god/nature, its not sick. its sensible, and technically fair. it’s not pretty though. and it REALLY sucks to be on the losing end. and it REALLY sucks when Women Deny Their Privilege.

i guess thats just like ME denying WHITE privilege and MALE privilege, huh????????????????????

so……..if i can acknowledge that privilege exists, specifically FEMALE privilege…………….

……….does it not follow that its POSSIBLE that OTHER kinds of privilege exist?

and that I might benefit from it?

but, like women, I spit in its face and deny it?

so i dislike women who do the same thing I am doing?

yeah but i believe women DO have certain advantages/privileges in the mating game. i mean SOME men have their own privileges here….but not most men.

also, my idea of Female Privilege in the Mating Game comes from a pretty Traditionalist, Reactionary, Alt Right, Rightist, NON MARXIST way of thinking.

Ideas about White Privilege and Male Privilege, that all comes from MARXIST BULLSHIT.

they are all saying what a horrifying, dark, awful place the incel sub is. i dont doubt that its DARK, and i dont want to link to it or even READ it because Im sure its very negative……..but dont say these are awful people. youd be this way too if you were a hugless virgin neet incel who CANT EVEN GET IN THE FRIENDZONE hahahahaha.

note: i never use the word friendzone seriously. its impossible for me to “get put in” the friendzone. i will just say, baby, i dont want to be just friends, lets take a time out here. or thats what i would say if they agreed to talk to me hahahaha.

im perfectly fine being friends with women IF I dont want anything more. AND IF THEY dont want anything more. not that ive ever experienced that. but god damn. i know women are HUMANS.

just like negros and joos and mudslims are humans too, hahahahahahahahahahaha.

no, white women rank above all of those, hahahahahahaha.

but yeah its just heartbreaking when a woman you like would rather hang out with CHEATERS, DRUG ADDICTS, DRUNKS, DEADBEATS, ABUSERS, and NEGROES, rather than hang out with YOU.

ive certainly linked this album before. a few posts ago. it def has its place. right now i am drawing attention to 3:34, “summer of the diabolical holocaust”. “natassja in eternal sleep” is such a strong, timeless opener, that i sometimes forget the next song is just as strong.

again, good headphones and ideally good speakers, played LOUD, for maximum effect, considering the ridiculous production. note the insane distorted bass sound and drum sound, esp the floor tom. ridiculous celtic frost riff in the middle here, with ridiculous “solo” on top of it.

the guitar tone kinda sucks on this album….kind of. but i wouldnt change it either!

and TED’s vokills are possibly his best ever. truly literally a man possessed here.

i would say turn it up LOUD and DEFINITELY smoke a huge MJ to this one, get nice and blazed. oh god. wish i could.

and then cuddle up with nice waifu while doing that.

well, for that, we would just listen to one song, while I Mansplained the significance of the music. listening to the whole album with a grill would be pretty weird. metal grills are huge immoral sluts anyway. degen nihilists hahaha.

hard to believe they were only like 21 when doing this album. to make an album that you just appreciate more and more as you get older. into your Mid Thirties.

I think i was familiar with this album when I was 21, or at least close to it. I liked it……but I didnt GET it as much as I do now.

like i certainly dont like other albums LIKE this.

anyway yeah great album for the Turning Of Seasons, like when its really becoming Fall/Autumn. definitely some magic in this album.

but yeah you DO need to listen to it LOUD. it Literally sounds better that way.

it is amazing how much Variation and Diversity there is in darkthrone. UAFM and TH are both super freezing cold black metal albums, but they sound fairly different. i guess a big thing is that the tempo and rhythm NEVER change on TH, and on other DT albums, they change in every song.

yeah theres a damn good reason DT is a such a NAME.

heh these reddit nonvirgin normies shaming the virgins. there answer for everything is “DUDE NEEDS HELP.” WOW. JUST…..I CANT EVEN. YASSSS. HE NEEDS THERAPY. THERAPY PROBABLY WOULDNT EVEN HELP HIM. HE NEEDS TO KEEP TRYING THERAPISTS TILL HE FIND SOMEONE WHO WORKS. HIS ONLY CHANCE IS A LIFE OF THERAPY IF HE EVER WANTS A GF……….AND EVEN THEN IT PROB WONT WORK. CUZ HES TOO TOXIC AND NEGATIVE AND WEIRD AND CREEPY AND RAPEY AND JUDGEY. EW. UGH. GROSS. NOT OK. HE NEEDS A LOT OF HELP.

Yeah i agree he probably does need some help but i dont think its hopeless. these are exactly the type of guys i would want to help. with my unlicensed christian therapy group. we would go out and grab women by the pvssy and call them fat pigs, slobs, dogs, and disgusting animals. hahahahahahahahaha.

hey might as well listen to TH right after UAFM. now theres an experience you should be grateful for.

heh. I remember I bought TH on CD and that was one of muh first serious black metal albums. that, burzum debut, emperor “nightside eclipse”, burzum HLTO, DT panzerfaust. i picked some good ones for babbys first black metal albums eh? but i remember seeing phil anselmo in a pantera picture wearing a DT TH t shirt and i was like whoa that looks hardcore hahahaha what does that logo even say???

and then i bought the cd and mainly liked the first song and was like why isnt the rest of the album as good, i mean its a really simple formula.

but then it really grows on you hahahaha. and then it becomes one of your desert island best black metal albums of all time.

when i was a young angry virgin, i might have thought DT understood my hateful, sorrowful feels hahahaha. when really they were a bunch of HEDONISTIC, DEGEN NORMIE NONVIRGINS, smoking MJ and partying and getting with SLUTS. more like NORMIETHRONE amirite????

anyway, yeah i guess if all you listen to is TH, its easy to think DT is a fairly “ATMOSPHERIC” BM band, but they really arent hahaha. they are more of celtic frost beer chugging normies.

but yeah its timeless, beautiful stuff you will CHERISH the rest of your life. when i get married to my pure virgin white waifu, I will play nothing but BLACK METAL at the reception hahahaha. totally make it all about me and everyone else can suck my dick, im gonna play like 8 hours of straight black metal at my wedding hahahahaha.

no but i mean i have to play at least one black metal song. but what the hell would it be? i mean it would be burzum or darkthrone. maybe I should just play TWO black metal songs.  transilvanian hunger and jesus dod. hahaha.

well i was invited to a social thing tomorrow and i decided to Just Say Yes because this is EXACTLY the type of thing I should say YES to, so i did. its exactly because i dont go to things, that i dont get invited to things any more….so kinda want to break that pattern.

oct 27

ive always liked sitting down and writing about muh self and muh feels, total narcissist, but unfort i think this has helped CAUSE some of my issues, because i always take the wrong lesson, or get in too negative of an attitude. the women thing is the perfect example. writing here i sound like incel virgin maniac r9k elliot rodger, but i am not really like that in real life!!!! at worst i am socially anxious and shy, but never super creepy or weird! i am even nice and nonjudgmental to total trashy sluts, i just see them as people who have had hard, unlucky lives, had their good noble nature nurtured out of them, its not their faultttttttttttt. basically i will treat people well until they treat me badly. even if they are a dirty slut. until them being a dirty slut directly hurts ME, I will be nice to them.

(soundcloud giving errors, deleted link. google fenriz radio soundcloud.)

oh here is fenriz’s radio show, archive of many of them, actually doesnt sound horrible hahahahaha. i mean i am kinda jealous of his ability to enjoy new music at 45 years of age, my mind is pretty much closed to all that. i still want him to have a family. find a decent wife and have some kids. shit he can still listen to metal. he talks about listening to metal 16 hours a day or something. im not even AWAKE 16 hours a day! now a family man needs to be awake 23 hours a day working and providing and protecting and securing, but working fathers can still have interests and hobbies, he could still listen to his precious metal hahahahaha.

well i do like documentaries and here is one on peste noire. who i like because famine is a fairly right wing douchebag who hates foreigners. and i like a couple of his songs. and i want to determine how right wing and nationalist he really is. of course, i think he needs to stop drinking and living a degen lifestyle, be more like varg!!!

look at this handsome white man, in beautiful nature. this is what we SHOULD think of when we think of FRANCE…..not a jooified degenerate brown hellhole that france is turning into. famine does drink too much and should stop drinking and have children tho. although i thought it was hilarious that he made an obnoxious fart joke hahahaha. showing what he thinks of these media k1kes hahahaha. well really i dont know anything about the makers of this film.

i know weev gets lots of demand from the k1k3 media for interviews, but he straight up tells them, fook off and die k1k3, im not giving you an interview unless you pay me a lot of money, you can look up stuff ive said on the internet. PAY ME if you want to talk to me. and my rate is not cheap. im taking my pound of flesh back from you vampires. this is a great way to be. so i hope the people that made this doc were either not corrupt “skypes”, or they paid famine decent money to talk to them. i do believe famine, degen farting drinker he may be, but i think he still has artistic integrity hahahaha.

 

 

new vidya where varg talks about fenriz. he says a lot of good things about fenriz, that he is smart, funny, charming, easy to like, friendly. he says he is one of the smartest most intelligent people he met back in the day. and also that he is very honorable and ethical and tries to do the right thing and be an honorable man. but that his tragic flaw is that he drinks too much and this might compromise him.

now varg is talking about fenriz 25 years ago. but as a 20 year old man, whenever young varg met young fenriz, fenriz was always drinking beer and getting drunk. so i can totally relate with that. whenever I was socializing at around that age, i was drinking.

varg says fenriz is a good man but he hopes he has cut down on the drinking. i would agree because drinking too much is never good. and if you have ever seen videos of fenriz, he is often drinking in them. so yeah i hope he is not a Full Blown Alcoholic. i dont think he is because uhhhh he would have ruined his life by now. lost his job at the post office, stopped doing albums, in and out of rehab or jail, plus he looks fairly healthy.

so yeah i think hes got it under control but i cant help agree with varg that alcohol clouds your judgement.

i am kinda in between varg and fenriz then! i started out more fenrizy and am becoming more vargy. but yeah i always got the impression that fenriz was a decent True Blue Cobber sort of guy, and I  am glad to hear Varg saying so, as Varg seems to be the same way. Morality Matters.

I know fenriz was in a deep depression for a few years…..did he drink more during that time? how did he come out of it? how does he keep from going back? what kind of women and people does he hang out with? he seems pretty social. how much does he really drink? why did his marriage end? was that related to his depression?

these are the important questions to me hahahahaha.

but yeah i cant help but feel he is capable of even more, that he IS a truly smart and moral man, and it would be GREAT if he stepped up the same way varg has, get a nice white wife and have 6 white children, but he just hasn’t made that Leap into Political, Religious, and Metaphysical Thinking. And I know that Drinking can hold you back from doing that. So I cant help but want to have fenriz stop drinking for like a year, cold turkey, and see what changes happen. I think he is totally CAPABLE of doing this.

interesting that varg is making this video though. why not just contact fenriz and be like hey ole buddy lets hang out and get caught up.

but i dont think varg and fenriz were super besties either. but fenriz was probably the black metal guy varg liked the most. they definitely like each other hahaha. and it sounds like culto did not hang out much because he didnt like the people. varg didnt much like the people. fenriz is a good guy who got along with everyone.

so who WERE vargs friends? people not into black metal. what were these people like? whats vargs rel like with HIS father and his brother?

so many questions hahahaha.

anyway i think a varg fenriz meeting now would be very productive for them both. and i think varg could push fenriz to realize his full potential. this is the fanfic movie I would make hahahahaha.

like my fanfic sequel to the big lebowski that redeems the classic characters into nondegenerates hahaha.

or my fanfic sequel to king of the hill, 10+ years later, where bobby is like 30 years old in Current Year.

hahahahahahahahahaha.

so i am tempted to post a comment on vargs video to encourage him to Reach Out to Fenriz.

thing is, Fenriz is totally in his Comfort Zone. he’s happy doing what he’s doing.

i dunno. i just like proselytizing Traditional Family Values to All White People. I see a good white man who i think would be a good father, and I think it’s a SHAME that he DOESNT Leave a Legacy. And I’m not talking about timeless music or even The Fame Of A Dead Man’s Deeds!

cattle may die, Kinsmen may die, sure, but just as fame of dead mens deeds don’t die, so do kinsmens kinsmens kinsmens kin dont die hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

varg with his 6000000 children could speak to this better than I could. but see i am sold on this way of life way more than i am on fenriz’s. and i mean that in the nicest possible way to fenriz. im not judging him as a Degen Nihilist Slut Negro Mentality.

hey maybe fenriz thinks he would be a bad father.

i mean shit i KNOW i would be a terrible father because i cant even take care of MYSELF. but i might have POTENTIAL to BECOME good father material, i think all white men do. and i think fenriz has enough money. i am SURE many of his colleagues at the post office have children! also i would totally support him doing one sell out show of darkthrone to make money for his family!

i mean nocturno CULTO has children for gods sakes. mr hateful culto who doesnt like anybody managed to get woma/en to birth two children for him.

now i do think that deadbeat fathers are like that simply because they had children when they WERENT READY. but i do believe that ALL white men are capable of becoming ready to be good fathers. that these deadbeat fathers could have one day been good fathers if they just KEPT IT IN THEIR PANTS and didnt bang sluts without a rubber when they were too young to handle a kid. typcal N behavior hahahaha.

like i WOULD LIKE to be a good father someday, but if i had a child right now with some white trash slut, i would run away like a coward. i cant take care of a child!

and this is totally understandable at 20…..much less understandable at 30.

a LOT is SUPPOSED to happen between 20 and 30. but for me it really DIDNT. because YOU are supposed to MAKE that stuff happen with a LOT of Hard Work, effort, energy, and agency! it doesnt just HAPPEN on its own!

i didnt realize that until i was 30 hahahaha. well ok, maybe 26 hahahaha. well, i always KNEW it but ran away from that responsibility by drinking until i was 26.  sheeeeeeeit kinda wish i had gotten Busted a few years earlier! 22, 23, that would have been great year to stop drinking hehee.

and yet I STILL want to do MJ!!! it clouds your mind in a diff way than alcohol…….but it definitely clouds your mind! impairs your judgment in all things!

bbbbbbut my mind is clouded ANYWAY with hate and despair and fear and worry and anxiety and bad negative attitude and feels and r9k and incel and foreveralone and entitlement and elliot rodger and the red pill and niceguytm and K all normies and all that hahaha. at least being clouded with MJ or alcohol is a step up in terms of being more pleasant and positive!

ayo hol up hol up. so ALCOHOL would be POSITIVE?

MJ would be POSITIVE but ALCOHOL isn’t?

everythings a damn slippery slope hahaha.

well honestly i have no or very little desire to drink alcohol, it just doesnt APPEAL to me.

MJ on the other hand, APPEALS to me like none other.

what would fenriz do? drink beer, PROBABLY smoke some MJ, listen to metal, and have fun.

what would varg do? drink non-alcoholic beer, work on his russian lada car, make videos with not-his-best ambient music in the background hahahahahaha and proudly parade his beautiful children and live out the 14 words. and judge degenerates as degenerate. i mean yeah thats really appealing too!

but he’s not a neet virgin see! he’s a PRINCIPLED MAN, an honorable strong alpha man, with nice wife and a HORDE of beautiful blond blue eyed aryan children!!!!!!! he gets to BE autistic and live in isolation……with his young wife and 6 kids!!!!!!!! BIG difference between that and a neet basement dweller virgin! varg has had secs 6 times hahahahahahaha.

well these men are entitled to their privacy. im actually shocked that varg has Opened Himself Up so much to the world. I’m happy, because he sets a GREAT example, but he’s compromising his own privacy in a way I thought he never would.

maybe i should attempt to get an interview with FENRIZ, because he supposedly does hundreds of interviews whenever they do a new album. so my interview with fenriz will include all those questions about his personal life: his ex wife the artist, his GF’s, his FWB’s, his normie friends, his job, his family, his drinking, what he thinks about MJ, why doesnt culto scream like he used to, why is there one classic song on their new album but the rest is kinda meh, why dont you want kids, here’s why you should have kids, here’s why you should should go and hang out with varg and his family for a week, heres why you should quit drinking for a year and just see what happens, here’s why you need to pass on your damn genes and not just your music. you are SO CLOSE. have a rea come to jesus talk with him.

you can still do your radio show. i might even start listening to your radio show. you can still listen to metal. wouldnt you like a family to share your metal with hahahahaha.

is it he cant find a good woman? i doubt that. or does he just prefer sluts because muh dick? well he needs to get out of that muh dick mindset!

whats better, to be a muh dick white negro, or a hateful neet incel elliott rodger KV who cant even pull SLUTS?????

its honestly worst to be the neet virgin! then youre WORSE THAN A NEGRO!!!!! ME!!!! Thats where I am right now!

the PRINCIPLED, MORAL white man is worse than a degen muh dick negro, “simply” because this particular principled moral white man is also a neet loser virgin!!!!!!!! that is muh trump card!

so when fenriz was 21 he was still working at the post office (prob full time) and would get off his shift, buy a case of beer, and come over and hang out at euronymous’s shop and drink the beer, according to varg. i mean not that thats not a credible story!

basically, fenriz was able to live the life of a 21 year old normie: FT job like an adult, but also partying, socializing, drinking, having friends, probably GF’s, AND being in a band and making tons of music. classic, timeless music that will never die. while also being Sorta Immature and Drinking a Little Too Much, like a 21 year old man in his Party Phase.

so yeah i cant relate to that AT ALL, because I have so little experience in successfully working a FT job or being a normie. when he drank he did it right, when i drank i did it wrong. basically these were NORMIES!!!!!!

that is a weird thought, that the kvlt black metal guys i like are just more damn NORMIES. NORMIES GONNA NORM.

i am triggering the shit out of leftist reddist phaggots, who hate the term normies, cuz only niceguy broken men entitled incel r9k neets use the word. shit yeah.

and VARG is essentially a normie because he was hanging out with GRILLS from a proper age.

fenriz got grills, varg got grills, shit even euronymous probably got slutty grills hahahahaha.

you know who didnt get grills? probably dead. well, maybe he got one grill, got his heart broke, then K’d himself hahahaha. [pure speculation]

i hear that dead was a truly weird, lonely soul, not of this world…….and also that he was  a real nice sweet sensitive guy. im sure it was closer to the latter.  and then of course you try to add the grim early 90s norwegian black metal SPIN to that, and he becomes a twisted, dark, cold, lonely, hateful soul, one with death hahahaha.

maybe fenriz should have helped him learn Game to Game those white sluts hahahaha. or he could have gotten euronymous’s sloppy seconds.

but thats the thing about neet virgins…..THEY (we) CANT EVEN PULL DIRTY SLOPPY SECONDS SLUTS!!!!!!!!!!

so that is really a confidence killer!!!!!! the worst, easiest women dont even want us for a roll in the hay!

i mean i dont really care about “the scene”……………….but I do really like burzum and darkthrone, who were huge figures in “the scene”, so there you go. plus they are all interesting PEOPLE with interesting STORIES. and to top it all off, they made actually interesting music. and they continue to be interesting people 25 years later…..even if their music is less interesting.

so yeah. varg fenriz reunion nao.

rej email from 17 an hour county clerical job. SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEIT. i mean 17 dollars, 34k, thats WITHIN REACH for me a lot more than a goddam 40k job. so a rejection from a 34k job actually stings MORE than a rej from a 40k job.

at least for a 24k job, i could convince myself that they rej me because I was “overqualified.”

not so much for a 34k job. thats right in that sweet spot. i mean my glassdoor market value is 35k! the FEDGOV technically COULD pay me 34k as well!

really, I shouldnt apply for jobs MORE than 34k, and I honestly try NOT to……….

but most jobs are far above or far below 34k!!!!!!!!

slow genocide of the Middle Class hahahaha. hollowing out of the middle. the 34k’ers.

i mean i just want to make the average wage of my state/region/area, which is AROUND 13 dollars an hour, 26k a year. anything more is a BLESSING.

also, why do companies do Massive Layoffs, when they could just do Massive Pay Cuts instead? then people could keep their jobs at least, and there will absolutely be unhappy people who will quit voluntary. more cost savings there goy.  so yeah i dont understand why companies will just cut jobs entirely when they COULD just cut wages.

or CANT they. because the numbers dont crunch out that way.  you dont save enough MONEY by just cutting WAGES, you HAVE to cut JOBS if you want to save enough MONEY.

hmm apparently you cant buy gift cards online at gift card granny where you can save 5% or more off the face value. not a bad deal. like get a 25 dollar gift card for 23 dollars. not bad if you are looking to buy some gift cards……which i am!

maybe fenriz doesnt WANT to have kids ok? maybe hes happy with his life just the way it is!!!!

i mean not everyone WANTS to have kids!

yeah but a lot of people DO.

and the white race is kind of at a precarious position right now. so that if you care about the white race AT ALL (and I most certainly DO!!!!) then its kinda your DUTY to have kids. ESPECIALLY if you are of means.

and if you are NOT of means?

then GET of means ASAP mother fooker, because we are having a RACE WAR!!!!!!!!!!

otto skorzeny did not move to the US and was not your GF’s grandfather bro! he moved to spain and or ireland and even worked with the mossad for a bit.

listen to this good goy. 6 million jooz murdered by the n4z15 in the h010c4u5t. sounds like a wacky conspiracy theory tinfoil hat guy hahahahaha.

travel channel show. that old man you met was NOT otto skorzeny. how could you believe he was.

so yeah doing fun social thing today, which is not something i usually do, which is a step in the right direction for me. just be nice and smile and say thank you. baby steps. dont even worry about keeping up with Witty Banter. to me its always like a competition, who can do the wittiest banter, but thats not REALLY what it is, its just people who enjoy doing witty banter with each other and it comes very easily and naturally. only for me is it such a challenging competition! they dont care that im not the wittiest!

for a brief window of time, when i was about 21 or 22, i was kinda a social drunk fenriz character. i hung out a lot, also drank a lot, and had some small measure of charisma or celebrity. a lot of it was a bad reputation as a drunken wildman who said ridiculous things. NOT the type of thing I want to be remembered for. yet it was interesting having some amount of “popularity”.  probably the closest i got to being a normie. was able to parlay it into casual flings with two casual gurls. then my 15 minutes of fame were OVER.  and IMHO I wasted it drinking and being ridiculous and I was largely misunderstood. i would rather be remembered as a Nice, Moral, Honorable Man, than some Salty Loose Cannon Drunk Crank.

 

AFTER 30 GUYS, U DONT CARE WHOSE C0Q U TAKE OR WHOSE HEART U BREAK

1224

sheeeeeit.  had dream with her in it, didnt need that. she was cuddling with me in a half hearted, not really into it sort of way.

because i am anxious and ambivalent and neurotic i am always worried about lovers Not Really Loving Me, then i push them away with my Smothering Doubt. Do you really luv me? do you really luv me? hehehehe and they get mad and say well obviously nothing i do will never be enought o convince you! and they leave. but its my fault for not trusting them hahahaha.

BUTTTT the point is, they really did never luv me, so i was RIGHT to doubt their luv! we were never in that kind of rel, of COURSE they didnt LUV me!

so i didnt push her away with pushing of “do you realy luv me? i dont believe you. i dont believe you.”

it was more pushing her away with  “i want to talk about me liking you” and it was clear at that point she didnt like me back so she saw no need to talk about it.

ok. i guess i just wanted to end our Rel in a nicer way. thats a valid wish hahahaha.

but yeah i have a very insecure relationship style anyway where i WOULD eventually suspect the person of losing interest in me and probably push them away with my suspicion. because its been a recurrring problem in muh “rels” with wimmin, that they never had much interest in me to being with.

but Some Women dont need to have much interest in you to have secs with you and show a lot of interest in you for like 2 weeks. and that is just a mindfook for me!!!! well ya sure seemed INTERESTED for those 2 weeks!!!!!! and i liked that!

i jsut hate being so weak with women that i throw my OWN life down the crapper.

well, part of it was due to the job itself. but at least 60% of it was having to work every day with someone who not only rejected me, but Harshy Terribly Meanly Rejected me. when this was the woman i wanted to spend muh life with hhahahahaha.

so this one persnality test says i am “THE COMPOSER.”

but basically the biggest thing of my personality is that i am NEUROTIC. and then introverted hugely. but even MORE hugely neurotic.

and that sucks because you cant put a positive spin on neurotic like you can with introvert. neurotic is just a recipe for being a total loser at life. you will have BIG trouble getting and keeping jobs, women, and friends. you will be constantly tortured by anxiety and doubt and despair and no confidence and generally be a miserable failure virgin mgtow hahahahahaha. never find a white wife. can only pay thai and philippine gurls to bang you.

well at least i have given up pron. it has been a few months since i looked at it. but damn. even just a year ago i was looking at it maybe once a week! thats not a LOT…. but its still probably too much!!!!!!!! and you need to go cold turkey for MONTHS to get your brain back to unpronified mode.

but the composer…..yeah muh neurotic narciss writing blog right here is my main “composition.” GREAT.

and brigning that neuroticism into every rel with women….pushes them away.

i am cool and distant and find it very difficult to get close to people and make new friends…….BUT i also try to be ver nice to people as a rule so they dont think of me as an autistic weirdo. so i am remembered as A Nice Guy rather than a Weirdo Loner Sperg Psycho hahaha.  so they might not know much abotu me but they know i am a nice guy who is easy to get along with and friendly. i was kinda becoming that guy at my job….but then i SNAPPED. i hate SNAPPING.

MW had his Female Panel the other night and i guess there was a troll and he made the video unlisted. im not even sure what happened. maybe a male troll showing his bare ass on webcam? i dont know. dont quote me.

but then there are hardcore mgtows in the comments calling the women bitches and say fook you for using men as disposable cannon fodder, if this is what it means to be a man and man up, i want no part of it, i dont want to be a slave sacrificing my life for a cvnt etc etc etc.

and i am very interested in this debate because i can understand both sides. at this point this guy sounds like a real woman hater, and i would say, well, ideally men and women are complementary, the man doesnt mind sacrificing for his Fair Maiden, because she reciprocates with her LOYALTY and LUV and SUPPORT and being the mother of his children, etc.

when, quite rightly, a mgtow would say to that, yeah but she DOESNT reciprocate with that. she abandons you, leaves you in the lurch, shows you NO loyalty, and STEALS your money and children!!!!!!!!!!!

and then you rebut, well NAWALT, sorry but you married a real shitty woman then sorry abotu that, but really truly NAWALT!

and then you can debate how many NAWALT.

and many mgtows believe that even if NAWALT yet, our society is a slippery slope that enables and pushes all women to BECOME like That: disloyal mercenary parasite thieves. its enough to turn a good woman bad, and until that system changes, men have to AVOID WOMEN.

but ultimately i need women too much to willfully avoid them!

which puts me at risk for getting so desperate that I fall for the spell of one of those evil women! who shows some interest at first but then a few years later, loses the interest and robs me!

shit i would love to have a woman show interest in me for that long hahahaha.

so in other words, IF i actually made ok money, i would be a HUGE target for evil parasite women hahahaha.

now i am a target for nobody except totally batshit borderline women that dont even care that i dont have resources or power; and certainly dont care who they mkae babies with.

in short, i am neurotic and insecure as hell which is a big potential problem for my relships with women (i am much better with men!), and i have always been dumped because they lose interest and didnt REALLY like me; BUT i shouldnt let that fool me into blaming myself for being too needy or clingy, since i wasnt actually THAT needy or clingy, i was well within the NORMAL RANGE for a person who has feelings for another person, and do not deserve to be shamed as needy because of that. tell them well how did YOU act when you were in love with chad thundercock at age 15? you acted like a 15 year old gurl and imagined a life together and drew little hearts and wanted him to be your one and only forever and ever, long term. then you went down a slippery slope, and after 30 guys, you dont care whose cock you take or whose heart you break.

heheheh my female friend seemed to care about the cox she took, but ultimately did not care about breaking MY heart.

MAYBE im overestimating the sluttiness of the average women. and that HONESTLY. maybe even as much as 50% of 25 year old women (i pick 25 as being the median and average of The Twenties) that are 6/10 and above are not promiscuous sluts with over 30 partners who take cox and break hearts very casually! maybe half of them take sex and rels seriously, have had under 5 partners, date only within their race, are not into weird open relationships and nonmongamy.

in other words, 50% of The Dating Pool of 25 Year old Single White Women, are Decent.

bbbbbut that sounds a little high, how abotu 25%?

how about 37.5%?

so yeah the mgtows call the “alt right” people white knight pvssy worshippers and the alt right calls the mgtows omega loser butthurt neckbeard basement phaggots.

right now i am more on the side of alt right but i understand the mgtow frustration. and i think we shouldnt wife up bitches and whores even white ones…….but the alt right isnt saying we SHOULD anyway! they would say wife up and have lots of kids with a decent white woman! well i certainly agree with that. and they are certainly quick to shame shameful behavior and not “save a ho” with degenerate white bitches.

on the other hand, maybe degenerate white bitches would make ideal partners for omega white males like me hahahaha.

fookin neurotic. how is that even factored into your PERSONALITY. theres nothing GOOD about it. nobody wants a neurotic. neurotic is inherently antiwhite and omega and weak. yet its the largest most prevailing part of muh personality.

i mean yeah the neurotic stuff sucks and i have a lot but i have good stuff too. like i am moral and kind and loving and smart and shit. i am the composer. like beethoven. or wagner hahahaha. but not with music. fook music its degenerate.

so why cant i compose up a successful business or something hahahaha.

also i think a extraverted neurotic will do better than an introverted neurotic.

hehehe i am prob very much like millennial woes personality wise. he was a neet loser in despair and unemployable, but now he is truly turning his life around and becoming the man he was born to be.

but you know he has been in despair because he dresses shabbily and smokes too many cigarets and doesnt care about his health and appearance enough. even though he is a handsome man! more handsome than me! they joke he is a 5’2 manlet but i am more of a manlet than him plus fatter and bald hahahaha. i used to look better but then i Hit The Wall around 27 hahahaha. of course i drank a lot and MW doesnt drink ever.

anyway.

in this ramzpaul vidya there are a bunch of anti-sinead comments and she herself blatantly states she is not in the alt right, she doesnt like it, the alt right is a bunch of merchant phaggots who love muslim roosh and hate white women hahahaha.  im not alt right, i am just trying to expose the merchants.

when she doesnt seem to realize that much of the “alt right” wants to expose the merchants too, and do not hate white women, and dont care for mudslim roosh, we just think flat earth is fooking retarded and nutty and really does make us look bad. and yet i am fascinated with sinead because she is a counter-merchant conservative and a kinda qt gurl, well many say she is ugly but she is hawt enough for me.

or maybe jsut because she reminds me of That Woman.

but every woman in her 20s with pale white skin and long dark hair who is not fat or not ugly or not stumpy reminds me of HER!!!!!!!!!!

well sinead might be 30 hahahaha but i heard hearsay she was 26.

but yeah she is too combative and oppositional to people who would be good allies. like TRS and rzp. i saw she just followed MW but she probably would call him a degenerate faggot too because he is neetish and had a bi phase.

and then common filth thinks “alt right” is degenerate because he thinks jack donovan is a degenerate, which he probably is. the mistake is in thinking we are all degenerate like jack donovan!

been really likig the TRS forum, they seem like a bunch of good goys. common filth should spend some time with them, then hed see that alt right is not too degenerate……but hes too busy scouring the internet for the most degenerate shit imaginable hrmmmmmmmmmmm.

so the point is it shows leftists for the disgusting degenerate filth they are. and CF is presented in a funny way. it doesnt seem AS nihilist as say Power Electronics, or god forbid, animal torture fetish videos.

so i was a weak unmanly faggot. so it was bad timing to get feelings. but im not a BAD GUY and i dont think she needed to treat me that badly even if women do hate weak men. i hate slutty women too, but if i was friends with a slutty woman and she got feelings for me, i would still be NICE to her when i rejected her.

although i probably wouldnt become friends with a slutty woman to begin with! because imho it signals greater moral weakness than a weak man just being a weakling.

really the best equivalent to a female slut would be a male deadbeat father: who creates life and then abandons it.  its total r selected, quantity over quality, low respect for human life, degenerate, rat monkey animal behavior.

the sensitive sissyboy who is scared to blurt out “I LIKE U” is not quite at the same point of degeneracy and immorality as the people Flippantly, Casually, CREATING AND DESTROYING HUMAN LIFE.

a lot different that being scared to say the words to someones face that you were kinda signalling to them anyway.

yeah i was weak. so fooking sue me.

what is the appropriate punishment for weakness or cowardice?

HARSH SCATHING BRUTAL PUNISHMENT?

I guess that will toughen you up though.

but i am not gettng tougher tho hahahaha. i wish i coulda been tough AT THAT MOMENT. and just been like fook you bitch youre not gonna do this to me, lets have our final showdown right now and say everything we want to say to each other, and mutually hate each other, and ignore each other at work.

but would i have been able to ignore her at work? prob NOT. she would be able to ignore and hate me, but i would still partially luv her, like i do now! and i wouldnt be able to ignore her! i would be looking at her constantly and noticing every person she talked to!!!!!

well i keep talking about sluts being immoral and degen……but she wasnt a slut! but i WAS weak!

well my POINT is, yeah my being weak kinda sucks, but her treatng me like that REALLLYLLLLLYYYYYY sucks. -1 vs a -20 or so.

i am also mad at myself for flipping out over it, getting all overly emotional like a damn young woman.

being more womanly than man.

not that you should inherently hate womanliness, but its not a good thing for a MAN to be, especially a man who has a desire to be with women, well then his womanliness will just push them away!

but still we had a friendship and a history and its just ridiculous it all went down like this.

and how the hell am i going to rebuild my life and find a woman i can actually get along with. i actually got along with her. and she was young and Pure. damn.

1225 crimbo hahahaha

i was just thinking, a gurl being a FLAT EARTHER would NOT be a dealbreaker for me as much as her being a HIGH NUMBER SLUT hahahahaha. i would say thats great cupcake go and study your flat earth. just dont leave me or stop luving me and abandon me hahahahahaha. and dont burn the coal hahahaha.

well see i think its worse to be a slut than to burn the coal ONCE. now its rare to just burn the coal ONCE. usually there is 99% overlap with being a slut.

you can guess who i have to make the damn exception for, my special snowflake who burned the coal once and was not a slut.

but being a slut has a pattern of behavior built right into it.

anyway it makes sense that men should have to work hard to show themselves worthy of a woman. it DOESNT make sense when a women GIVES IT AWAY to a lot of guys easily.

but basically i cant see myself being enough of a Real Man to pull a Decent Woman, ie one i am attracted to and with a good character. therefore, if i want to Pull women who are moderately attractive, they are gonna have to have a pretty bad character to give me what i deserve for my unmanliness hehehehe.

heh. i mean i should be lucky i even got to become friends with a nonugly nonslutty 25 year old woman!!!!!!!!

well i was happy about that. i just cant beleive that me being a weak omega merited her being as harsh to me as she was. be a little damn nicer to the person you knew for 2 years. its not like i CHEATED on you or BEAT you. damn.

i AGREE being a weak omega is BAD. but i slipped and cracked and snapped ok????? i wasnt ALWAYS like that with her. for a while i was fairly normal.

only one country separates norway from north korea. of course if you say only one country separates china from ukraine it doesnt sound as impressive hahahaha.

anyway i could deal with the mother of my children believing in a flat earth so long as she was not a slut, she was loyal to me, i luved her, she loved me.

i think the issue is, sinead is more bitchy and confrontational about people calling her out on this obviously ridiculous than she should be. it would be a lot better if she merely said she was skeptical that the earth was round and she wasnt such a damn bitch about it hahahahaha.

also is this the best way to bring women into the movement? not sure. i think a better way is just to have smart alpha fashy goy men who are successful in life, hide their true power level, and then gradually convince their wives on Red Pill Stuff. rather than try to have a Female Thought Leader talking about flat earth and conspiracies hahahaha.

i mean if i were with a woman i luved, like that woman, and she got into flat earth, that would not drive me away. i would just say thats nice honey, and hope it didnt become a problem. like shes gonna dump me for a more manly man who also believes in flat earth hahahaha. that would suck. well, now i am used to the worst case scenario actually ahppening. so with my luck, that would indeed happen.

macao is not a separate country, it is part of china. but like an autonomous region i think. maybe it might become independent someday.

heh. i say let sinead in. because i am a thirsty white knight beta hahahaha. BUT she SAID she didnt want to be in the alt right. the alt right is too weak, faggy, degenerate, j00ified, and beta leftist for her. well if shes not alt right what is she? she would probably say white nationalist or counter-semite hahahaha.

well i argue that alt right can cover those things. i think this is a narcissism of small differences thing.

or maybe sinead and i have very different definitions of the alt right. i admit it is a confusing term hahahaha.

i dont know why i am so obsessed with her. probably because she sorta looks like the woman i was/am in luv with, and she is pro white, and into traditional values. shares some important interests with me. and you dont get very many attractive 25 year old women who are outspokenly pro-white. its interesting.

well SUPPOSEDLY most white women prefer to date and mate with white men, even if they dont outspokenly say it. well i hope so hahaha.

and sinead is really just kooky and crazy by being Aggressively Pro Flat Earth and Aggressively insulting her racial allies.  basically saying you arent racist ENOUGH to people who are plenty racist hehehehe. to people who have no problem with heiling hitler and using all the best racial slurs and wanting a white homeland and being j-wise. they arent racist enough because they dont believe in flat earth. thats what leaves me CONFUSED.

but i dunno i think sinead could be good for doing womens stuff, or for being a surrogate waifu for lonely single white men. like building up their confidence that yes there is a marraigeable white woman out there for you.

or yes you can be a racist and find a nice traditional woman who might be nuts hahahaha but at least she is white and willing to have kids…..but might be a Coal Burner and is certifiably nuts.

really the Coal Burning is prob more important than the flat earth. i am willing to give her the benefit of the doubt that just because she has pictures of her with blacks, doesnt mean she FOOKED the blacks hahaha. hahahaha i mean EVERYBODY has PICTURES of themselves with diff races.

also i am a special case. 1 gurl i liked in like 2007-8 was a coalburning slut who i removed from muh history. just deleted. and then this gurl, that woman, i was in honest LUV with her, and she coalburned ONCE.

what IF she was so nonslutty she didnt even have SECS with him? i just assume she did because i’m used to sluts who have secs with EVERY man they hang out with, cuz its no big deal. but maybe they just made out and she was like no i want to date for a while before we have secs. kinda like my ideal woman hahahaha. kinda like i was always uncomfrotable having secs with gurls i just met becuase im not comfortable having secs with STRANGERS.

who the fook WOULD be.

but yeah. i mean. i dont really want a hooker because their lives are so sad. i would rather bang a degenerate slut because they are somewhat more normal.

anyway when we were younger we disrespected women because they were DUMB and blue pilled as fook. as i matured i realized, hey dont hold that against women. who cares if theyre dumb or blue pill, if they are NICE and PURE and VIRTUOUS. you dont go to women for intellectual conversation or for being COOL, you go to them for moral support and luv and kindness and tenderness.

like That Person was not super smart. she was smart ENOUGH, she was prob smarter than average womennnnnn maybe. i was definitely way smarter than her. and i kinda liked that and i think she kinda liked that and i liked it when she told me i was smart hahahahaha.

well shouldnt men provide emotional support for women and not the other way around? men are the protector and the rock and the stability for the emotionally unstable women? so if the man needs a WOMAN for moral support, thats like going to a merchant banker for free money hahahahaha.

well ok maybe women could talk about stuff like What Women Should Be, and Make It Cool to be Traditional and NOnslutty and Feminine. …… because women are more likely to listen to other women than men? even if we are counting on men to influence their wives politically and mentally?

well i think it wouldnt HURT to have women speaking to women. if a woman doesnt have a traditional bf or father, then a traditional woman could school them on how its cool to Be Pure and how Secs is Sacred. because women sure arent getting that from THEIR single momz. single momz are not just bad for boys, they are bad for girls too.

Cuz then you get gurls with Daddy Issues. because their single mom was a crazy whore, so the poor girl thinks that is normal.

so the Tradcon or Alt Right or Pro White Womens Groups could be very helpful to girls like this.

and also give hope to boys that Not All Women are evil succubi sluts. better to have a real woman as a waifu than some anime bullshit.

and the women could talk abotu relationships and luv and monogamy and feelings and basically all the shit i talk about!

how to relship, how to treat each other nicely, how to dump a person, how to communicate.

how to not give it up to guys you dont really know. how to keep your lifetime number under 5. how to appreciate secs for procreation FIRST, recreation a DISTANT second. why abortion is bad. why open relationships and polyamory are bullshit. what love is. how to Empathize with Beta and Omega guys who come off as Creepy or Thirsty.  How To Be Loyal and Loving to your man. How to look to the long term and not dump a decent guy immediately, how not to lose interest so quickly, how to not be mastered by vag tingles and hamster rationalizations hahahaha.

basically teach traditional, natural gender roles and make it look fun and cool. it really shouldnt be that hard. it should come naturally. but people are so easily led astray its very disappointing. maybe they can just as easily be led back to the good path. give them a good culture with traditional mother and father.

anyway the fascists say that if youve been watching pron for years its gonna take a few months cold turkey before your brain goes back to “normal”, a state you may not even remember. it feels like its been a few months for me. and i understood pron has been degenerate, for years, and tried to minimize its use during the last few years. also i think i was using it to try to get my mind of THAT PERSON.

anyway i am OBSESSED with women but i dont really hate women like some obvious women haters. its really more like a LOVE HATE relationship hahahahahahahaha.

alls im saying. really hurts and is disorienting to lose somebody like this. i still dont really understand it any better. i just seem to accept it and the pain isnt so goddamn FRESH. but it still lingers and its truly horrible what happened. it hurts to lose a friend like that. and to be so goddamn misunderstood when youre just begging them to LISTEN, i didnt do anything WRONG, PLEASE.

like when your gf is mad at you and gives you that exasperated look and youre like oh god i dont even know what i DID. and then thats the end and she dumps you hahahahahaha. she has permanently lost interest and luv for you. she is DONE with you. its over.

i dunno. i never lost interest for someone that fast. or easily. im still interested in her ffs.

dunno. she really DID used to like me as a person. and its shocking she could get so over that, that she could throw me away like she never knew me. sheeeeeit. well thank god for being white hahahahaha.

point is, and im mansplaining feeeeelings to women agian, when someone you LOVE throws you away harshly, its VERY painful, it leaves you DEVASTATED, and it takes a VERY LONG TIME to heal from it.

600 DAYS TO GET OVER IT

821

yeah i think i am starting to move on thank god, over a month later. i mean i am not out of the woods at all. as i say, this is no better than 6% recovery. 6 percent in like 37 days. equals 100 percent in….. draw the two fractions and solve for x….using wolfram alpha to do this fairly quickly…. 617 days????? are you fooking KIDDING me???

almost TWO YEARS? to get over this bullshit?

maybe. the internet agrees, or at least the normal well adjusted normalfags of the internet agree, that Ghosting is a veyr painful way of getting dumped.

i do feel a bit vindicated after reading about that ghosting.

the media writes about it because of charlize theron. i think in THAT case, the Ghosting was Atrocious. she is a grown ass 40 year old woman who should know better; she was dating sean penn for a while in terms of hollywood things, at least 6 months, and ghosting is only acceptable for Perfect Strangers and Less Than 3 Dates; which they were not. So the articles should be slamming charlize for being a huge immature B and treating him with such disrespect.

thats what it all boils down to: you show the person NO RESPECT AT ALL. it HURTS to be DISRESPECTED in such a way, when you are not used to receiving such extreme disrespect from others, especially those who once respected you. it just doesnt add up.

i didn’t ABUSE her. I just pushed her to communicate, because there was an elephant in the room that any mature adult would agree needed to be communicated about.

but i was abusive and toxic because i pushed in the wrong way, or too hard, or in a toxic way. i was communicating wrong about wanting to communicate. jesus christ.

ok redoing that wolfram thing. say i am SEVEN percent Over It, then to get to 100 percent would only be… 529 days. ok little better. you see what a difference 1 percent makes! its at a very quickly changing region of the graph.

6 % ….. 617 days

7 % …. 529 days. uhhh expect to be over it end of december 2016. nice.

8 % …. 463 days

9 %…. 411 days

10%….370 days.

well wait. how do i make it a god damn straight line. i am getting a curved line. i want a straight line. i want to know it takes x days to Get Over It Y percent. consistently.

so, 6 percent in 37 days is approx 1 percent in 6 days. therefore, 100 percent in 600 days.

shit.

well, THAT graph IS curved because each situation represents a different RATE OF CHANGE. what the rate of change DEPENDS on is whether i am at 6 percent or 7 percent etc right now! So that is really an important decision to make!

welp, in that time i could probably start and finish HVAC training skool, although probably not find a job as well hahaha.

i kind of think that is what GOD is calling me to, sort of, and all this is another signal.

hahahaha I wish GOD communicated DIRECTLY using actual words, rather than using stupid SIGNALS like a COWARDLY IMMATURE WOMAN.

hahahahaha.

i have a very adversarial, not very friendly relationship with GOD. I resent his absolutely control over my immortal soul. I wish he were a better GOD hahahaha.

why, because i want to jerk off, and have premarital secs, and use birth control, and permit end of life cancer euthanasia, and have the option of abortion maybe be legal?

well yes because its ALL a slippery slope towards degeneracy, immorality, evil, and damnation! all a slippery slope away from GOD!

http://theden.tv/2015/03/18/confessions-of-an-overeducated-ac-man/

this article and series of articles was very instructive for me recently, cant remember if i posted them here, but they are valuable enough to be posted again and again.

a young man who found college only Set Him Up For Failure, because he naively didnt get a STEM degree, so his story has lots of paralells to mine. so after he graduated and couldnt find a job, he became an HVAC man and makes more than he would in an Entry Level Job with a Useless Degree.

he tells the stories of 3 or 4 of his peers, how they are in a similar boat, and how they are struggling in very sad ways, to become adults, throughout their entire 20s, and will more than likely become manchild failures, terminally underemployed or unemployed, in Toxic Relationships with Shitty Women, at best, and terminally forveralone at worst.

great set of articles. another sign from GOD for me.

top one is the first artcile, talk about his own story. here are the ones where he talks about his friends stories:

http://theden.tv/2015/04/24/observations-of-an-overeducated-ac-man-part-2-of-4/

the mystic, a college dropout loser who got into buddhism in the worst possible way, to become a depressed nihilist loser and completely aimless

http://theden.tv/2015/04/28/observations-of-an-overeducated-ac-man-part-3-of-4/

the gamer, another college dropout who smokes weed all the time and is content doing that and working as a waiter

http://theden.tv/2015/05/01/observations-of-an-overeducated-ac-man-part-4-of-4/

the emt, another college dropout who is probably the most successful of the 3, got emt training, got a steady emt job, got a gurlfran, but the gurlfran sucks and he is still too beta to demand respect and demand a better woman. but at least he is much more gainfully employed than the other two college dropouts.  almost as gainfully employed as the college graduate in a trade skool job hahahaha.

lesson learned, dont go to college, go to trade skool. if you do go to college, do a stem degree, focus on your post graduation JOB ASAP, like RIGHT AWAY, like First Year or earlier, so you can get into it IMMEDIATELY after graduating, and do NOT get sucked into college debauchery or degeneracy.

well, if you’re a man, and you are able to pull Easy College Pvssy, i say go ahead, to build your confidence by banging many young beautiful women.

but that’s risky because you may get your heart broken by Flaky Gurls who just want sex, as happened to several of the guys in these stories.

definitely dont drink and party too much because it will hurt your mind and sidetrack your focus on your Career.

i mean you have to be Career Oriented from DAY ZERO if you are gonna go to college……. which is pushed on 100% of Smart Kids in high school.

great set of stories, related a lot with them, thought about getting in contact with the author, best set of articles ive read all year. read them, save them, print them out and give them to your children, if you can ever be gainfully employed and meet a good enough woman to HAVE children. or god isnt calling you to be a childless ascetic beggar virgin hahahaha.

anyway the slant of the website is pretty rightist and even somewhat racialist, so that makes it a far-right neo-nazi site, which may lessen its credibility to Moderates. but this set of stories doesnt get too much into Race i assure you!

i dont see a problem with talking about Race anyway. this is all part of eric holders brave conversation about race hahahaha. also the news says that RACE is like the number ONE or TWO topic in the presidential campaign. race IS a big deal, elephant in the room.

a less scary way of framing it, for whites afraid to talk or think about race lest they get on the sippery slope to becoming an evil closed minded stupid ignorant racist redneck bigot hater antisemite homophobe, is to think about “multiculturalism” and think about has the Melting Pot Experiment really worked out for the best in the past 60 years or so?

i told you i was a racist hahaha dont you read the about page. but i dont turn nonwhites away. i respect that there are nonwhites who are also depressed anxious lazy losers who need help and moral support. you are more than welcome to get that from me. because of course we are all members of the human race.

besides, race is talked about all the time in college classes. always in a marxist antiwhite way, but just saying. we talk and think about race every damn day, get used to it. im just tired of all the white privilege talk and decided to go a different way. because im white and my white privilege was not enough to lift me out of loserness hahahaha. just like all the other white pro-whites. you find this same inferiority complex among all white pro-whites hahahaha. they are trying to compensate for their own personal failures at life hahahaha.

no thats the argument you always hear. and as someone who is a personal failure, it does hit a nerve! maybe the evil marxists are RIGHT!

EASIER TO FIND A NONDEGENERATE UNREALIZED LESBIAN THAN A NONDEGENERATE HETERO WOMAN

aug 19

yeah buddy. ok working on a 1.9 mile walkjog route in comparison to the usual 1.4 mile. i want something a little longer. 2.5 would be ideal. i have found a 2.2 mile thing but theres a lot of big noisy roads and i want to minimize that. trying to come up with a Hateful Mix of Hateful, Nihilistic Music. i think is actually the most helpful.

and classical and jazz. find the local classical and jazz station and listen to it all you can.

i am starting a What To Say During Interview File. I have another one buried somewhere in my 100000000s of files but i need a new one. i dont even know if i could FIND that old one. but just anything i can say during an interview.

THINGS TO SAY DURING JOB INTERVIEW

answers to all possible interview questions
talking points
flashcards
sound bites
longer sound bites
stories
specific examples of bla bla bla
weaknesses i overcame
challenges i overcame
how i grew
how i learned from mistakes
first principles
last principles
tell us about yourself
elevator speech
tell us about a time when
what is your idea of good customer service
problem solving style
examples of….
weird interesting things
detailed stories of complex ridic cases/issues
detailed stories of when i dug deep like a boss
i wish i had saved those hahahaha.
how do you quickly assimilate an overwhelming amount of confusing information
how do you deal with constant overwhelming confusion and ambiguity
asking leading questions
being a detective
empathizing
talking them down from the ledge
paint a picture with your documentation
knowing where to look
knowing who to ask
knowing company policies
knowing company hierarchy structure
etc etc

that is the starting point. then i need to rack my brain and remember those stories. basically remember my toughest and or best calls and tell detailed stories about how i handled complex confusing stuff like a BOSS where a lesser agent would have totally shat the bed.

what did i learn lately re woman2015. that whenever i “reach out” to her via email and try to get things off my chest, what i REALLY want, is to beg her to come back. and i can’t keep doing that! but i didn’t fully learn that until i sent the email yesterday. so it was valuable for teaching me that valuable lesson.

and YES i was VERY honest about that desire in Email #2, where I Blatantly BEGGED, “could you ever have feelings for me? could this ever work out? I could wait for you for a better time.” man i laid it out there SHAMELESSLY. so i did not hide that feeling at all. and got no response to that, so that was my answer.

then i came back three weeks later with email3, saying ok i fully accept we will never be together (i was talking desperation there, because i really do NO fully accept, i still want her), but about 80% of the email was pretty solid and good and reasonable. saying i wanted good closure rather than bad closure, saying i wanted to be treated with respect rather than a piece of shit. that’s a valid, decent thing to want, so i certainly dont regret sending the email.

and it also taught me the important lesson though: that i do NOT accept that its over, and any email i send going forward would be a bad idea.

but when there are so many degenerate women out there being totally disgusting animals, its so heartbreaking to meet and connect for 2 years with a young NON degenerate woman, realize she is the perfect mate, then fall in luv, get rejected in a very bad hostile angry disrespectful way, and then just having to move on without this “Perfect Angel” hahahaha.

that is a joke referring to Woman4, aka Woman2005B. she was also a nondegenerate because she was a virginal prude. however i think she might have been an asexual lesbian. woman2015 was definitely not a lesbian and not asexual either. so that kind of makes it harder, so i have less to Blame the Failure on, because its not because shes an asexual lesbian! i know for a fact she is a hetero woman, and i know she is not a super promiscuous degenerate hetero woman, and this is SO HARD to find! I think it’s probably EASIER to find a woman who is Nonpromiscuous and Nondegenerate BECAUSE she is actually Asexual or an Unrealized Lesbian!

i look at smart people i admire on blogs or youtube, and plenty of people are pretty successful, make a lot of money, yet they have the SAME problems with finding a nondegenerate woman; then i think how THEY would also fall in luv with this woman, and have a better chance of pulling her, because they are a much bigger winners, make 20 dollars an hour, are younger, better looking, more confident, better communicators, influence thousands of people on youtube, etc.

like my boy millennial woes,

https://www.youtube.com/user/MillennialWoes

i mean i am thinking about giving him a one dollar “tip” even though i have no income right now! that is how good he is! i wish i gave to him when i had a job!

great guy, great channel, one of my top youtubers, he is same general age as me, he too has been destroyed by depression and failing at life, he too can’t seem to get a proper job or a decent woman, but he keeps his chin up and creates a ton of very thoughtful intelligent provocative videos, AND he is on the cusp right now of being one of Those Guys that is able to Make Youtube His Career, and it is a very interesting transition. turning your youtube into a business.

often this is connected to you putting your face on the internet and having political views that make you unemployable. but once you start making enough money off youtube and advertising and your ebooks, you can start using your real name.

but this is not easy to do, and i dont know if i’d ever want that to be my career. WELL maybe i would, but i would never want to use my real name.

plus im not willing to clean the blog up. plus youtubes are more marketable than blogs. and i do like youtube and would like to do one, but it would be about as low key as this blog.

but yeah he is coming from a similar place as i am. but he is smarter and more articulate. and he has had more experience with women. i guess when he was young he got around hahaha. but i believe he also knows the pain of true love and heartbreak, and i think he may have been celibate for a very long time during his 20s. not sure about that.

not sure if i am involuntarily celibate or voluntarily celibate. well NOW i am involuntarily, because i found someone i wanted to not be celibate with. and until i get over her, i will be Incel. at that point, I will be VolCel, because i will be celibate, but i won’t really CARE, because i dont want to fook any of these disgusting degenerate pigs.

hehehe. well i kinda wish i had a “booty call” type woman, that might distract me.

thats another difference between men and women, is that women always have a “booty call” GUY they can call during times like this.

fook i just cant believe it didnt work out. i really wished it had. i still want her. it will take forever to get over her. and then it will take forever to get a damn job.

i wish i just had an easy job that i could go to right now while i got over her. kinda like i did last time, with woman2012. but shit i applied for that job ASAP, contacted the manager, and they never called me.

i GUARANTEE that was because they were like, yeah we know he can do this job, but we’re DOING HIM A FAVOR because he is overqualified and too old for this job, and he stayed way too long in the job before. if we hire him back, he’ll stay here till hes 40, and that’s pathetic, he needs to get on with his life and find a real job appropriate to a man of his age.

they have a POINT, but you could also think of it as: just give him this job so he can make SOME money AND keep a GAP from appearing on the res.

yep i will miss the CLOSENESS and INTIMACY and CONNECTION with a young, pretty, nondegenerate gurl, and the soft tenderness.

but women are so gullible and can fall for a Fake Connection SO EASILY!

because thats what pick up artists and alpha males do. they charm the women so fast, because they are good and well practiced at that skill. of immediately making women feel a strong connection, when really there’s not much there. or you simply cannot build a connection that FAST, it takes TIME. it takes MONTHS. 12 months AT LEAST to get the full bloom of the connection Of True Love.

heck when i first met her i was distracted, i didn’t love HER, I thought she’s a nice gurl, we get along really easily, but i am still getting over this other woman, and things would be different if she (woman2015) wasnt dating this guy, and I wasnt getting over woman2012, but right now i will accept the face value of meeting a nice friendly person where we can talk and get along easily, but i dont feel like getting too close to ANYONE right now.

and that sentiment continued for a while, and i slowly unfroze, until 2 years later, i was over woman2012, and thinking more and more about woman2015, and she broke up with the boifran, and started dating some loser guy, and BAM, the conditions were perfect storm, to change my feelings into something different and stronger.

so my sin is the same as the sin of adam and eve: i say yeah i like some of the stuff you’re saying GOD but not all of it, thanks for creating us and stuff and giving us some good rules, but we also wanna kinda do it our own way on these other things. i guess that is pride, or thinking you are SMARTER than GOD.

this is the criticism levied against people like me, who prefer to be more “spiritual” and less “religious.”

i can see the point! but i really dont like those “little” things.

i guess the point is, everythings a slippery slope. if you allow euthanasia but don’t allow abortion for example, it’s just a matter of time before you begin allowing abortion. because you say i am smarter than GOD, i know when best to take a life, its ok to take a life under THESE conditions, and then over time, you slip down the slope and begin adding more and more conditions to the list, in which its ok for one person to end the life of another!!!!

well I would never do that! I would stay consistent over MY life, of being for euthanasia but against abortion!

until I get a girl preggers and we decide to have an abortion because I only make 10 grand a year!!!!!

or i would feel better about getting an abortion with some filthy degenerate i did not luv, vs a gurl i actually DID luv, and WOULD like to have kids with someday?

well i dunno about that.

everybody has something good about them. even rapists and murderers and cheaters and molesters have a tiny shred of goodness in them. so all these “filthy degenerate whores” are not necessary evil horrible people. they just do horrible things, and they’ve done too MANY horrible things for me to feel luv for them.

the horrible degenerate things they’ve done, all those strange, fun, hedonistic, ultimately disappointing cox theyve taken, may not even be their FAULT because they’re being Brainwashed! they dont really HAVE the free will to CHOOSE!

and i say that is irrelevant to me loving them. the damage is already done, the baggage is THERE whether they freely chose it or not.

so its tragic to LOSE a GOOD woman who was not brainwashed in that way, to become a degenerate!

ok time for a 2.2 miler here.