I DONT WANT A PRESIDENT WHO DOESNT USE VULGAR LANGUAGE TO TALK ABOUT WOMEN

oct 5 2016

sheeeeeeit.

ok. got up and prepared for day like responsible man: shower, shave, breakfast, brush and floss, tied tie, now i am just waiting until i leave in 53 minutes to drive to interview starting at 2pm.

tell them at interview today that if it get the job at the “bank” uhhhh i have to take it. that is the one with int on upcoming tues that i am all excited about hehe. i mean it is a patently better job, better pay, prob better benefits, closer, i’d be an idiot not to. any non-failing business would agree with me hehehe.

leave for interview in 13 minutes. all dressed up atm. ready to go. try not to diaerrhoea.

shirt is def too big. pants are….not too small but they are “slim fit” unfort, so they will ALWAYS feel a little weird. i honestly could not find an ok looking blue suit that was not slim fit. it was the price i had to pay.

yeah just the idea that you need 100% accuracy and no errors, the job is, this NEEDS to be PERFECT, not 99.9%, but 100%, every time, your job is to make sure its PERFECT. ok i get that. but what i dont get is that asking a more experienced person to SIGN OFF on this is considered time wasting and hand holding and youre fired. NO. it should be Best Practices and Standard Operating Procedure to have a “Team Lead” Sign Off on your work.

oh golly gee i dont know what im doing but i hope its right because our paying client needs this airplane door to be 100% or else it will fly off at 140000 feet and 500 passengers will get sucked out the door to their deaths hahahaha.

or this bridge will fall apart and 1000 people will die and its on YOUR hands, lowly level 1 guy, not the Master Engineer who YOU thought “should” “sign off” on such an important project. no hes got better things to do like get drunk at lunch and look at Prep The Bull and Trap Porn on his work computer and make 4 times as much as you.

later

welp did my interview. it was kinda ridiculous but not in a horrible way. mainly the guy double booked his interviews for 2 people at the same time, there was a white man also dressed in a nice suit, but he seemed about 5 years older than me.  but healthy and regenerate looking hahaha. very healthy weight. anyway this other manager decided he would essentially do the interview with me, so i started talking to him, he was an all right guy, but then it was like ok lets see if the original manager is ready to talk to you now. so i ultimately talked to TWO managers one after the other and the whole thing took like 1 hour 40 minutes. thankfully both guys were nice and the company and job actually seemed all right EXCEPT there is a kind of sales/incentive pay structure, but there is a damn 13 week training program and starting at 17 dollars an hour at that time, so…..thats pretty good. the guy said the guys here were very “BLUE COLLAR” and i said thats great, I come from a blue collar family and have a Thick Skin to handle Bantz and F-Bombs hahahahaha.

i said all the right marketing bullshit about the companys culture and values and bla bla bla.

there were some times when i stumbled and sounded like an autist, similarly to how i did yesterday, but just like the person yesterday, they didnt jump on me for it or even seem to care. so i spilled the spaghetti a couple times, NO BIG DEAL. and that is ultimately pretty encouraging.

there was a sales office right there and they are hiring sales people too. i said my background was more geared towards Service Technician than Sales per se, although I DO have very good Communication and People skills and like to Educate people hahhahahahahaha.

but they also emphasized they are an Ethical company and do not try to sell people things they dont need. Which could be BS, but I said, Good, because I’m a very ethical guy and I wouldn’t want to sell people things they really don’t need. which is NOT BS!!!!!!!

well i have been so busy interviewing i missed the deadline for a few jobs to apply hehe. have to keep a PIPELINE going hahahahahahaha.

one thing i did like about the job today was that they had a lot of training. a LOT of training. 13 weeks. they said a lot of guys were confident at 8 weeks and said let me get out there, the the company wanted to err on the side of caution. and make sure people passed tests and got certified for jobs where certification was not Legally Mandatory.

now they could just be bullshitting to sell the job to me…..but its pretty good bullshit! shit yeah tell me more about how you make sure your people are fully trained.

since it does get into incentive based shit after training, i asked if any of the people really struggled with that. the manager said everyone is doing well and reaching goals. and these are salty technicians and not born smooth talking salesmen.

anyway i hate the idea that a woman will dump you as soon as you stop showing strength. that she can need you but GOD FORBID you ever need HER. is this really the way women are and i just have to accept it? I accept that men are stronger emotionally and physically and mentally than women and that men have to do MOST of the work……but I don’t think women cant be capable of doing any work at all. so you have to support her always, and she supports you NEVER? thats fookin gay.

yeah well she never gave up and walked out when her longterm boifran was freezing HER out. but im not sure he was being “WEAK” though. he was being strong but silent hahahaha. well, he might not have been being “STRONG” but he wasnt being WEAK either. he was jsut distant and cold and stubborn. but she made a real effort with him at least.

so yeah she was capable. jsut not with me. because i was weak hahahaha.

i just HATE the idea that you have to be PERFECT or else they LEAVE.

but thats clearly not true! her BF wasnt perfect and she gave him MORE than a fair chance! many women stay with men who are VERY not perfect!

yeah but these men present as strong, and not at all as weak. they dont get nervous or anxious. they might get ANGRY at the women always wanting to TALK and DO STUFF and FIX stuff. but the men are not freaking out like a hysterical WOMAN.

oct 6

 

classic album here, if you dont like this album, gtfo. train your 3dpd fat slob to like this album as you bang her hahahahaha.

as a lifelong fan of srs metal, i have learned the important and mature lesson than women who like metal = crazy = bad (im talking about like serious fans of black or death metal, not they like a few random hit metal songs by metallica or pantera or slayer or motorhead or iron maiden or something, that should be fine).

but yeah a woman that likes the CURE, i would still be pretty impressed by that. even though im old enough to KNOW BETTER about being IMPRESSED by a womans MUSICAL TASTE. its a traaaappp.

i dont even think robert smith is as big a degenerate as most musicians, well, assuming from the fact that he’s been married to the same woman for like 40 years.

never saw the cure live and they are one of the few on muh live concert bucket list. note to self, if i have feelings for a woman, do NOT take that woman to the cure concert, because i wont be able to remember that as a good memory when she dumps me and breaks my heart hahaha. go with a male friend or alone.

yeah hard to go wrong with the cure. it is smooth and chill, and beautiful, and melodic, romantic, catchy, and also sad and emo, and spine chilling, and this album is probably their best moment. the Lush Beauty of “pictures of you” to the super catchy hard rocking of “fascination street” and of course their biggest hit “lovesong” which is a great song. i mean its impossible not to like and RESPECT this album. for any fan of music. if you dislike this album YOUR JUST STUPID.

yeah i guess if youre a total hipster you could say its too mainstream and overplayed. its def mainstream but is it REALLY overplayed? are these REALLY boring songs? these are timeless, classic songs that are played a lot for a REASON.

it IS a little LONG though at 63 minutes, where 40 minutes is the ideal album length.

working class men on Worksites listen to MUSIC all day as they do their hard work. i think this is very significant and worth some thought. if you are listening to music, it is harder to PANIC and be ANXIOUS and NERVOUS, and ALSO it means you are CONSTANTLY TALKING and thinking on your feet to come up with Bullshit Explanations for both your supervisors and your customers. that is EXHAUSTING. its like CAMPAIGNING for president and you have to talk and bullshit all day. i could NEVER do that, i dont know where trump gets his ENERGY, but its safe to say he’s always been that way, and some people just ARE.

heheh i forgot about the 311 cover of lovesong. that is tbh pretty darn good fam hahahaha. pretty secsy for blowing out your bitches asshole hahahahaha. because they LIKE being treated like Jooish Pornographic Filth. Absolutely Disgusting. BELIEVE ME, I would rather treat them as Fragile Flowers, because I HATE Jooish Pornographic Filth. Hate that Disgusting SHit that has RUINED Women And Men. words cannot describe the HATE. i dont hate nonwhites, i might not even hate joos, but by god i HATE the disgusting filth that joos have created! I hate the evil they have done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

funny that the cure has an album called “pornography.” as an old man, this to me is AWESOME because that is an INCREDIBLY dark, despairing, nihilistic album, and I think this terrible feel perfectly captures the actual real essence of pornography. it is not secsy or hot and all. it is empty and despairing and nihilistic and soulless and horrible. i’m not sure if thats what robert (first name basis hahahaha) was getting at, but i like to think he was hahahahaha.

and yeah “pictures of you” is a CLASSIC FOR A REASON!!!!! and perfectly captures Lost Love and Heartbreak and Regret and embodies what i have felt for the past 14 months hahahahahahaha. thankfully i can enjoy the song on its own merits as a way to express a personal emotion that was unshared with her, hahahaha. meaning, im glad i never cuddled or buttfooked her while listening to THE CURE or this album, because then it would actually REMIND me of her, rather than help me Get Over Muh Emotions ABOUT her. in other words, the cure is MY thing and not HER thing, definitely not OUR thing. well she probably likes a few cure songs but we never shared any cure moments, thank god.

NEVER share things with women hahahahaha cuz then you cant enjoy your favorite music and movies when they break your heart and leave you. THEY WILL RUIN YOUR FAVORITE THINGS FOR YOU. i mean thank god i can still listen to neil young, but it took a while! TOO LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah i mean you get over it, but it sucked that i couldnt even listen to one of muh favorite music guys for months!!!!!!!!!!!!

want to get out of house before noon today (oh god that sounds so lazy and negrish!!!!!!) and do some errands

also prep for autist aba job interview tommorow

AND apply for 3 jobs because i think about 3 decent jobs are gonna “expire” by tommorow

AND get good powerwalk

AND get 14 pushups

AND eat less than 1200 calories because i went like EIGHT HUNDRED OVER yesterday, oy vey.

uhhhh 14 pushups is a good baby step, but all together that is a lot of baby steps hahahaha.

ok went to store

ok called the interview place and stalked the woman who will be interviewing me, she was supposed to email me 2 days ago but it never went thru because she typed my hard to spell email wrong.

i called her and aksed for her hard to spell email and successfully sent a message to her hahahaha. thankfully she does not have a masters degree and seems like a nice person from the stalking i did.

ok got the shit printed out, hehhehe if you have to print out 10 pages of shit for every interview, thats 250 pages hahahaha. i have already bought 2 black ink cartridges and am burning thru the 3rd one pretty quickly. so stupid.

not going to get a ton of sleep tonight, might blank out and do a gary johnson aleppo moment tomorrow. that really looks bad. well if he can get to be governor, i can get a 12 dollar an hour autism technician job.

uhhhh applied to 2 jobs today but not 3. prepared my info sheet for tomorrow.

this org clearly has a problem with people not sticking around. prob because they quickly find better paying jobs. and they cant afford to pay them more because they are a nonprofit org. so they are angry about people getting valuable autism training and then leaving before 10 months. but i……

i dunno i just hate being in a job and saying OH GOD HOW AM I GONNA DO THIS I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING I CANT HANDLE THIS JOB OH GOD WHAT DO I DO OH GOD THIS IS RIDICULOUS WHY DID THEY GIVE ME THIS JOB OH YEAH BECAUSE THEY CANT FIND PEOPLE WHO WILL PUT UP WITH THIS SHIT FOR MORE THAN A FEW DAYS WITHOUT QUITTING!!!! WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO HERE WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO THESE PEOPLE TELL ME WHAT TO DO PLEEEEASE TELL ME WHAT TO SAY TO THEM I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOOOOOOOOOOOING HOW CAN YOU PUT ME OUT HERE IN FRONT OF THESE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i also worry that the “workplace safety” job will do regular drug tests because you drive a company van. oh god i cant drive a large van!!!!!!! what if the van breaks down!!!!!!

i think this autism job would be more fun and i would enjoy it more and also be able to SURVIVE and WITHSTAND it better, because it is part time and because it is sort of in muh wheelhouse. well i am more conflicting about wanting the autism job vs the safety job, however in the autism vs the bank job, i def want the bank job!!!!!

hehehehe this is assuming i get offers from both jobs in these situations. VERY big assumptions!!!!!

does that mean i had a good feeling abotu the saftey job? kind of!

and i have kinda a good feeling about getting the autism job.

REALLY? I have been REJECTED for ELEVEN dollar an hour part time jobs recently, what reason do i have to be optimistic about a TWELVE DAH PT job? hahahahaha. well because my degree actually relates to this job, sort of, where it doesnt relate to “office administrative assistant” job. which is stupid. i mean the better degree for that would be business. even if i have 30 credits of business classes. doesnt matter i guess hahaha.

shit they might reject me because ive never worked with CHILDREN before. let alone autist children haha.

i wish you could negotiate training wages. meaning i would gladly accept minimum wage for the first month or however long it took for me to be rejected from the other 2 jobs i am in contention for. so if i got one of those jobs, the autism place wouldnt lose too much money training me. cuz its a decent org and i might want to reapply with them in a few years. for one of their FT jobs that dont exist, yeah sure hahahaha.

oct 7 firday

752 AM

up real early today, like a real working man, currently dressed up and ready to go to interview, did not prep so well. as predicted, did not sleep well. well i was up thinking until like 130 am. thankfully i did fall asleep and I was in the middle of an interesting dream that i was scheduled to be part of the death panel on the next daily shoah with k1ke enoch and “sven” and i was like iii dunno guys, what the hell am I gonna be able to add to this, im gonna sound like an idiot, but im honored you asked me, i really like TRS hahahahaha. this is probably muh first TRS related DREAM hahahahaha. much better than having dreams about you know WHO hahaha.

ok. like i say, its a tough call between autism job vs safety job. for a normie, no its not, the safety job BTFOs the autism because it pays more, more hours, FT, established company, health care, bennies etc.

12 pm

welp did the interview, sent thank you note, recorded it as 95 minutes. spent an hour in there, but onyl about 30 minutes talking to them, and like 20 minutes filling out a damn application by hand which was basically a copy of all the shit i already gave them. i will never understand these stupid hiring policies. filling out shit by hand. unbelievable. told them about muh desire for FT. they were very understanding. talked to a Masters Level Psychologist who is about 7 years younger than me, oy vey hahahahaha.

there might be young 3 year old children biting and smacking and pooping their pants and i have to put diapers on them. i think i would rather do this than answer phone calls hahahahaha.

i dont fookin know man i just want a job where i can get help if i need it and i am not constantly needing it and not constantly fighting and struggling to survive every day. good god. the type of exhausting, nervous struggle where you feel like you need to chug Whiskey straight from the bottle at the end of every day.

hehehe normal life is at least 2 to 3 times HARDER for me than for normies. not that normies have it easy! but the basics of Holding Down a Job and Banging A Bitch, those are at LEAST 3 times harder for me. lots of fear and failure hehehehe. lots of time wasted. lots of not getting anywhere.

on the degen show “better things” which im not sure why i am watching, well because i want to see a degen single mother raising degen girls, its really all about degen women, and is kinda like “GIRLS” in that regard. no husbands or fathers, mothers a whore, her oldest daughter is 16 and beautiful and is becoming a whore, the middle daughter is an autistic ocd 13 year old lesbian, so i guess all that is enough to sell me.

recent episode focused on the 16 year old daughter worried about her future, going to college and all that, what am i gonna do with my life, her high school guidance counselor says no ivy league for you, you shoulda started prepping for that a few years ago, might not have the grades for a good state shool, have you thought about community college?

now the red pill is that community college is awesome but it DOES have a reputation as for underachieving losers, so when you’re in high school, you shudder at the thought. then when 10 years later youre still a huge loser, you think, welp, i have been humbled, time to go to CC now that real University did not work out.

anyway the girl is very anxious and despairing and I totally related and found this storyline very compelling. i guess she smokes MJ and does not get 4.0 grades. dont know if she is a huge horrible slut. PROBABLY, knowing this degen show.

because they show the girl sitting with her degen mom and the degen moms friends all sitting around drinking and talking about ABORTIONS, like how many abotions you got, tell the story of that abortion, and i was like, they are trying WAY too hard to make this show edgy, and what EXACTLY are they trying to say? they were clearly trying to be provocative by having such a “FRANK” discussion of abortions while CHILDREN were amongst them, as if to say, this is NORMAL, this is not a big deal, we all have abortions, and you’ll get abortions too, its just a fact of life, rite of passage for a woman, dont be ashamed of this, its good to be pro choice, and if you get knocked up when you are having fun with Secsy Boys, you can and should totes get an abortion too.

so i felt sympathy for this poor girl just about to become a Woman, and that she was so FOOKED because her mother is such a damn baby murdering degenerate. so the beautiful 16 year old gurl is gonna become a slut REAL soon if she isnt already, prob lose V to badboi, then quickly start riding C carousel, throwing a bunch of betabois away, probably start cheating, not take secs seriously, not take human life seriously, the way she THROWS LIVES AWAY, develop 10000 C stare, never be able to have a serious rel with a man, just like her crazy whore mother who cant love a man either.  but is this “beautifully flawed” woman trying to raise 3 young daughters as a Single Working Mom who is very open about Secs and Abortions and Being Tuff and You Do You Grrrrrl.

and its NORMAL to be a slut and cheat and break hearts and throw people away and get abortions, sex is FUN FIRST and if you get preggers, no big deal, get an abortion, WEVE ALL DONE IT. and sometimes you just wanna get fooked, and if the guy is a sensitive virgin type an gets feelings, AW, TOO BAD SO SAD, its ok to Dump and Ghost him because you just wanted to Get Off.

and we are beautiful in our flaws and we are gonna be as flawed as possible.

and i like the show for confronting Real Shit, but i hate it for taking the wrong opinion on this shit. while at the same time having some good and sympathetic characters. i mean i dont even really hate the mom. but i should.

to make her daughter feel better, the mother took her to the store and made her dress in a Ladies Business Suit, and said there you are, you look just like those successful peopel who have their shit together, youre no different than them. it was actually sort of touching even though she should not be so worried about career and shit. she should have a good father who helps her find a good husband.

i mean the show could have pushed more Red Pills about You Dont Have To Go To College. Go To Trade School or Community College or Military.

so they talk to a bank teller and mom says do you have any college, teller says no just a GED and i started this job at age 22 and im 25 now.

this could have opened a real good conversation but they just left it there.

so do you portray the bank teller as a failure because they didnt go to college? no not at all, which i liked.

i would have liked more if they had a 30 year old with a masters degree living with his family because he is still trying to pay back 200k in student loans hahahaha and he’s done, he’s finished, given up on life, i’ll never get anyway, i wish i could have a family but i’ll never afford it, and i havent dated a woman in over 5 years hahahahaha. that would have been some great black pill shit.

basically, college educated 30 year olds who cant afford to move out hahahaha because they are only making 12 dollars an hour and are 80k in debt for useless college hahahaha.

tfw when you see a picture of FENRIZ when he was very young, like 20 or 21 or so, and realize he sort of reminds you of THAT WOMAN.

I was completely in luv and wanted to marry and have babies and spend muh life with and was devastated heartbroken for 15 months over a woman who looks like FENRIZ.

fenriz is currently 44 years old as is nocturno culto. culto has 2 children a son and a daughter. i do not think fenriz has any children. not sure how old cultos children are. i hope he is a good father to them.

but yeah there are like 2 pictures of 20 year old fenriz where he kinda looks like That Woman. so weird. i told you she was kidna weird looking hahahahaha. but like fenriz, she had nice long dark hair.

so darkthrone was offered 200k USD to play a festival for one show and they REFUSED. hell yes that shows some serious “INTEGRITY” but at the same time i have to think, you’d have to be stupid to turn that down!

Should a man with CHILDREN turn down 200k for 1 day of work just because of his artistic integrity?

basically I give them a PASS, and I think its kinda STUPID for a man with a FAMILY to turn that money down. even if you dont have a family, you still need money. maybe fenriz has bastard children he needs to pay child support. (speculation). maybe fenriz wants to take care of his aging parents. TAKE THE FOOKIN MONEY GUIZE.

heh. most people just like the music and dont really care about the people behind it.

I dont really care for the music and i am MORE interested in the PEOPLE behind it hahahaha.

i mean the story of these guys lives is WAY more interesting than listening to “plaguewielder” or “the cult is alive” hehehehehehehehe.

i say this because i am sort of excited about darkthrone again due to their brand new album which I am going to listen to today on powerwalk hehehe.

did 3.2 mile, 1 hour powerwalk, my normal walking pace is 3.2 mph and i am happy with that.

listened to new darkthrone album. it has great sound/production and is perfect length and it is not all ridiculous, but uhhh i was hoping it would be a little…..better hehehehe. i mean its no panzerfaust. i mean you can tell they are both enjoying themselves, theyre not just going through the motions, so i think a large part of the prob is me simply not being able to appreciate “new” music.

its hard to get the interest of women when you MAKE LESS THAN THEM. of course im talking about money. basically the only people that I make MORE than are total white trash and negroes hahahahaha. at least when i was making 30k, i was then good enough to pull white trash waitresses and such hahahahaha. and that was the best money i ever made in my life! when i was making like 12k a year, i was staying sane but what the HELL can you do on 12k a year? cant live, cant have a family, cant do anything. cant have a serious rel with a woman. i guess you could bang sluts because you sure arent gonna KEEP any women making only 12k!

wow she dumped him SUPER BAD, super insult to injury there. why do people do this? why do you HAVE to add insult to injury? i mean if i were this guy i would be devastated, my confidence would be CRUSHED for at least 15 months hahahahaha. this type of thing will DESTROY a guys confidence for a LONG time.

also when someone throws you away, people advise you, they dont know what they had, in 2 months they will miss you and be begging for you back. dont take them back. be better than that. they took you for granted the first time. dont give them that second chance.

and that def never happened here. she left me and NEVER looked back. feels bad man! that might even be worse. i wuld def forgive and take her back once. and if she pulled the same shit twice (like they often do) then i would kick her ass out (probably not hahahahaha). but she didnt even come back.

but i am doing my interviews so thats as good as i can ask. i have done about 36 hours of interviews roughly. i guess it would make sense to do 40 hours of interviews. maybe what the lord is teaching me is how to get good at interviews. thats the lesson for this 15 months of pain. how to do interviews. sheeeeeeeeeeeeit.

but if i dont have an interview for a week, then i feel like i lose all those gains. and i need to have at least 2 or 3 interviews a week to get better. kinda like lifting hehehehe.

heh 330 pm and could totes take a nap. cuz i got up at 615am and did not fall asleep till 1 am.

 

super lengthy autistic post but an in depth picture of someone who actually DOES go to a shrink, and both people are willing to go to shrink, and it doesnt really improve things hehehehe. she still blames him.

but yeah he does seem too damn autistic and that is probably a problem.

also yeah she probably IS “depressed” but she should get that diagnosed well before 28. I sure did! because i was trying to improve myself so i could live a normal life with a job and a GF one day.

and good on this guy for improving himself from a fat virgin to an in shape, masters degree, successful, hardworking, guy with a GF. but he is still anal and autistic in a way that will hurt the rel, just as she hurts the rel with her “depression” and lack of interest and effort.

this album is regarded as DT coming back from a perhaps 3-album slump from 1996 to 2003 hahaha. fenriz said he was very derpressed and i guess was feeling better by the time of this album. and he was thankful to culto for essentially keeping the band alive during that time.

anyway i remember i actually bought the “plaguewielder” cd (used) back when cds were still a thing. i was like uhhhh this is not the greatest. and that was pretty much the end of darkthrone for me hahahaha and i never gave “hate them” a chance. i did give “sardonic wrath” a try and actually kinda liked that one. that came out following hate them.

anyway just trying to say i prefer this kind of vocal from culto. the hateful trve black metal vocal rather than the more i guess celtic frost vocal he’s doing now. which is not bad mind you, but the older vocal is better.

i mean there is no competition hehehe. however “boring” darkthrone may be, culto gives a Master Class in how to do good vocals.

62.9% labor force participation rate? that cant be good, unless labor force counts super old and super young people….which it probably shouldnt! and honestly i dont think it does. labor force is work age people. like 18 to 65 or whatever.

oh you know what i am not even gonna shit on plaguewielder anymore. it has shitty artwork but it sounds pretty similar to hate them with the riffage and sick vocals. also culto thanks tom waits on his short list of inspirations and shoutouts. in 2001 before i even knew who tom waits was unfortuantely. did not discover waits until 2003 or 4 at the latest.

also there are “blast beats” on these albums where i haven’t heard them on the newer albums. come on. you gotta have that.

trump scandal of him using “vulgar language about women.”

I DONT WANT A PRESIDENT WHO DOESNT USE VULGAR LANGUAGE TO TALK ABOUT WOMEN!!!!

crude comments in 2005 interview about tits and pussy and whatever. who cares.

well, i kinda care if he is cheating on his wife, but not sure if he was married to her by then.

cuz its not cool to cheat on your wife but he has dealt with his fair share of gold diggers so.

i mean this is fooking stupid and i hope it doesnt COST HIM the election just because WOMEN will be so butthurt. and women shouldnt even be able to vote hehehehehe. but people have short memories too.

even the circle wagons album does not sound BAD. it is quite rocking as a matter of fact.

lesson: even the “worst” darkthrone albums are pretty good.

i would have preffered that he make super racist comments about mudslims or blacks or especially joos. that would be SWEET. BUT, that definitely would have killed his chances 100%, and that would NOT be good.

i like that he didnt apologize THAT much. hes not begging for forgiveness, and kinda saying this is not a big deal. cuz its really not. but i really dont know how real women will take it. i know that msnbc is up in arms hahahaha.

why not criticize the hollywood host billy bush for being an enthusiastic participant in the conversation.

QUOTE

It’s foolish to take the Blackpill with regards to women. It makes you settle for low quality sluts and degenerates. Do you want them to be the mother of your children?

I was in a bad place in 2011. I was dating a used-up slut whom I had nothing in common with. I was struggling to finish school and leave the comfy world of NEETdom. I had gotten into reading ‘The Red Pill’ and that middle eastern rapist Roosh, and my opinion of women was extremely low. Thus, my expectations from women were low.

This girl was a degenerate waste. She was pretty enough, but was a complete slob, and nearing the end of her 20s. I knew she had dated around, but the extent of the rot was what really got to me. The day I left her was when I attended a ‘party’ with some of her friends, only to discover she had f00cked literally 8 of the men at the party. Her total number was somewhere around 35ish men. One of which included a ni99er. Disgusting. I drove off, deleted her from Facebook and Skype, and washed my hands of her.

I was lucky to get out of that mess with no STIs. I pulled myself out of this depression and blackpill by lifting and travelling, and completely tossed out the ReturnOfKangz/rOOSH shit. Some of the techniques are useful, and yes, 90% of women are somewhere on the whore spectrum, but 10% of girls is still a HUGE amount of people.

On one of my trips, after a year of lifting and healthy eating, I met a complete QT3.14, 10/10. She was introverted, shy, but extremely moral. She was 6 years younger than me, intelligent, had a similar genetic background, and was a fucking virgin.

Married her 2 years into the relationship and it has only gotten better.

Lift, have confidence in your self, resist the blackpill, and you will find extremely high quality women waiting for you to wife them. Let the f4ggot numales clean up the algae of used up whores. WILL TO POWER BRAH

END

i am risking getting banned for posting private forum material here, but uhhhh i wont say what forum i got it from, nor who said it, but i am trying to share an awesome WHITE PILL here: a neetish man was dating a dirty slut, then he turned his life around and married a nice virgin waifu. GOOD FOR HIM. this is EXACTLY the stuff I need to read a LOT more of…..but i’m not finding a lot of it. not enough.

nyquil and coffee combination hehehe. again went way over calorie limit. soooooo easy to eat over 1200 cals.

yeah why shouldnt i link this already.

this and TH are muh fav DT albums. and this one is more “fun.” not sure why the vocals are considered controversial. i think they are great although perhaps mixed a little loudly. the riffs, songwriting, and production are all top of the line, and there is a ton of nostalgia with this album, as it was a big part of muh adolescence at age 18 or so. this is a pretty kewl album to have as your theme music at age 18 hahahahahahahaha.

“quintessence”, come on. probably the darkthrone stairway to heaven right there.

but yeah. a lot of people are interested in things they dont really participate in. politics, professional sports, tv shows, religion. but no one is interested in “relationships” as like a main interest they way I am, apart from WOMEN who are always GOSSIPING. I truly do like to gossip, but I like even more to study and understand the relationships.

its like watching from the sidelines and commenting but never participating. but thats the thing: is that normies DO participate, quite regularly, and dont really comment on it at the same level as I do, just gossip, say whos fooking who, whos dumping who.

and even people who are obsessed with sportsball and watch pro sportsball but are too fat and soft to actually play pro sportsball still often play amateur sportsball or fantasy sportsball.

i dont play Fantasy Relships, although maybe in a way I do: by having these one sided things where I have the relship all in my mind and it does not reflect reality at all.

nyquil makes me unable to think clearly and articulate and be persuasive. still i wish i just had some MJ, i would LUV to smoke a bunch of MJ on a friday night like this and listen to DARKTHRONE.

“the hordes of nebulah”. i used to think this song wasnt as good as the 2 before it, now i see i was wrong hahahahaha. truly a MAGIC album and i wouldnt EXPECT darkthrone to ever capture this kind of lightning in a bottle quite the same way ever again. you cant. again a large part of this was my own age at the time. but this is gonna be one of those albums that i enjoy thru my entire life hahaha. share with muh waifu and children and they will say damn what a badass!

anyway it is just “funny” and mostly sad that i spend all this time and energy and interest thinking about and analyzing Relationships, general and particular, myself and my fantasy rels, others and my perceptions of their real rels, and i think i have the tools and skills and knowledge to be real mature and good in a rel…..but my weakness is the BEGINNING. I cant get it STARTED for various reasons. cant spark the kindling and get the fire going ever.

large part of that is because i am scared to “apply”. at least with jobs i am putting out 450 applications, doing 23 interviews. if i were doing that with WOMEN, i WOULD have been in a real rel by now, or at least had a near normie level of secsual satisfaction. or, hopefully, i would say THIS IS DEGENERATE, I’m not gonna do this unless its in a real rel with a decent woman, fook this banging sluts shit, leave it to the degenerate hedonist nihilist abortionists.

fenriz did recycle the classic “quintessence” riff on his storm “nordavind” album which was recorded in late 1994 while panzerfaust was recorded in early 1994 hehehe.

they got the qt gurl kari rueslatten to sing on the album (from 3rd and the mortal, really need to dig into them more) and supposedly she was very upset and felt betrayed by fenriz because he changed a lyric at the last minute to say something like “death to every man who does not hail the fatherland!” which she felt was ebil racist. and i bet fenriz is not a racist. shit i wish he WAS. he SHOULD be. and poor kari felt horrible guilt after that and betrayed by ebil fenriz. hahahahaha i wonder if he fooked her. the dirty slut hahaha. see this ALL comes from the root cause of my degen pornographic view of women as sluts to be fooked. this is from watching way too much pron, so shame on me. but also shame on women for willingly BEING like that. they dont have to BE sluts, even if the girls in porno are.

and because kari was a beautiful young norwegian gurl with beautiful long hair, i dont WANT her to be a slut.

i want to read more stories of women who are DIVORCING or DUMPING their men because oh god hes a TRUMP SUPPORTER. but r/relships does not allow overtly political topics.

i would think being married and especially with children makes women less leftist catladylike. so they will say oh yeah trump is crude but oh well hes still better than hillary so im still voting for him.

whereas its the C carousel sluts and catladies who will be most offended, and they werent voting for trump ANYWAY.

in other words, its not gonna lose him any votes. its not gonna make anyone who has already chosen trump, say, oh NOW he’s gone too far, and i am changing my vote to HILLARY? i cant imagine him honestly doing any of that. even if he said GTKRWN 1488, which i would luv, people would still say, yeah im still not voting for hillary.

however it will make the hillary people all the more SHRILL and ANNOYING and that might push undecideds towards trump.

undecideds tho? and couldnt this push undecideds to hillary? sure.

BUT HOW MANY UNDECIDEDS ARE THERE REALLY?????

not very many imho. i play it down because i hang out with people who would be MORTIFIED that they have even ONE trump supporter in their friend circle. so i say stuff, ah well, its a classic lesser of two evils thing, i dont really like either of them, but im really dont like hillary, yes i agree with you trump is not super presidential but im a moderate centrist and hillary is just too left for me, so, i have to vote for trump. that kind of waffling shit. actually i wouldnt even confirm i was voting for trump unless i was with some trump voters. thankfully i know a few.

7000 words? damn.

but yeah its funny. i analyze and think about rels like An Interest Or Hobby but never actually participate, when most NORMIES DO participate and dont analyze them to the same level, its just a normal part of normal life, dont overthink it, its not something interesting like football or tv hahahaha.

well to me it is!!!!!!!!

and women arent much better than men. they gossip a lot more about rels but are even WORSE at analysing, understanding, and workign with them. men could at least have a good chance at reasoning their way through them if they tried.

but you cant REASON with women. its like REASONING with a drunk 50 foot baby with a flamethrower. REASONING with a damn tasmanian devil. you cant reason somebody out of something that they didnt reason themselves into, hahahahaha.

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14 WORDS, 14 DOLLARS AN HOUR

aug 25

ok when i get muh 15 emails every morning with job stuff, i should SET THE TIMER and go through those in 30 minute chunks and then basically log and keep track of that time. because it does take valuable time is money. and i should measure that timemoney for muh job search metrics hahahaha. spreadsheetz.

so, start the timer, go in 30 maybe 40 minute increments, and keep track of that time! dont just look at the list of emails and groan and go through them without keeping track of your VALUABLE 14 DOLLAR AN HOUR TIME! USE THE CASH CLOCK!!!!!

http://www.online-stopwatch.com/cash-clock/

SET IT TO 14 DOLLARS AN HOUR!!!!!

14 WORDS, 14 DOLLARS AN HOUR!!!!!

heh. note to self and others: if you think you can make “bulletproof coffee” with cold or cool coffee, think again hahahaha. i thought i could somehow “whip” muh spreadable butter into the coffee if i stirred it vigorously enough. now there are just many disgusting little blobs of butter in the coffee hahahaha.

maybe a blender would work better?

dsw shoe place sucked, my next place is jcpenney. jcp does not have Crocs tho hahahaha. they do have nike and adidas and new balance running shoes tho.

ok the cool coffee with blobs of butter was so gross that i had to microwave it hehehehe.

i used to go to kohls as muh main one stop department store but i might become a jcpenneys man hahahaha. i have been dissatisfied with kohls for a few years. plus mr kohl himself is a LITERAL JOO. plus their sonoma store brand, the pants never fit well, even though just looking at them they look good.

what about MACYS. what about BURLINGTON hahahaha. i dont really luv shopping but i dont really luv looking like a neet virgin either!

but since i am always losing or gaining weight, all my clothes are either too big or too small.

yeah that gris 2007 album IEUF is more up my alley than their 2013 album. production wise at least. it is more black metal. im not crapping on the 2012 album, i just want soething more black metally right now.

singer sounds really good still, guitars are more black metally, drums sound good. 2013 album, no real problem with, but I am SUCH an AUTISTE about production that if the production isnt PERFECT, I cant even listen to it. so the 2007 album is more perfect sounding to my autist ears than the 2013 album. which isnt bad and could certainly be a grower. i cant crap on gris, they have an obviously great style.

yesterday i thought that infamous blackgaze phaggot NEIGE sort of looks like That Woman. ok i just watched a video of him and….not really. he does have really nice long hair like she did though hahaha. and a big nose like she does. he sorta looks like nick cage tho. did SHE look like nick cage? that might be enough to turn me off of her hahahaha. Nick cage is weirdly handsome but i dont want a woman who looks like nick cage.  or neige.

i remember listening to “ecailles de lune” when it first came out (2010???) and i was like wow this is pretty neat, very atmospheric. back then “blackgaze” was not even a word. and i was impressed with neiges screaming voice. it was a decent straight up “depressive shrieking” which is a lot like what gris does.

now neige was never really “depressive.” at all. but its probably not a stretch to say maybe some of his stuff was more “melancholy.”

heh being with that woman brought me to that magical nostalgic peaceful fantasy world alcest is always going on about.

if im reading this correctly, its that neige never even listened to shoegaze until people kept telling him his music sounded pretty shoegazey, then he discovered slowdive and went all in with his shelter album. so, in other words, like one reviewer says, neige invented blackgaze “by accident.”

i noticed that when i heated up the disgusting butter blob coffee in the microwave, the butter melted and STAYED MELTED even as the mixture cooled off to around room temperature. i thought it might turn back to blobs. nope.

ok now what if you melted the butter in the microwave, then poured it into cool coffee? room temp coffee?  my goal is to have it NOT turn into blobs!

ok made the phone call to the auto service before the end of the day like i was wanting to. i still hate making phone calls! there is a recall due to air bags. i can get it repaired fo free but have been putting it off. normies have to take an unpaid day off work and risk getting FIRED whenever they need to get their car fixed hehehe. i can do this anytime, because i am a jobless neet, but i was afraid to make the call. well today i called them finally. it was either that or go to jcpenney.

looks like my nemesis KOHLS has crocs. why am i so fascinated by crocs. they are ridiculous. are you supposed to wear socks with them? because i would use them as sandals and NOT wear socks with them.

ok there is a crocs STORE near my house, in the newer mall that i refuse to go to because all the kewl young gurls go there. hehehe. all the more reason to go there. follow 18 year old hawtties around like a 35 year old creeper hahahahahahahahahahaha jk.

be like wanna come back to my huge molester van and smoke MJ and listen to GRIS hahhahahaha. maybe gris AND trist. is that supposed to rhyme.

no i dont have a huge molester van!

also i dont have any MJ. and i damn sure wouldnt have the balls to ask 18 year old gurls to come to muh van and smoke MJ with me hahahahahahaha.

women: dont be such disgusting, degenerate nihilists! or is it nihilistic degenerates.

like stories of the bride to be on a bachelorette party getting drunk and they run into a bachelor party and then the bride to be fooks some badboi right before she is supposed to be getting married. and the expectation is that the husband fooks skanks on his bachelor party.

YOU DONT OWN ME! i can do what i want with my body! dont be so possessive and controlling and clingy! of course i can fook other people when i am getting married the next day! marriage doesnt mean monogamy! monogamy is misogyny! monogamy is HATE!

heh whenever you meet a married couple, ask them if they have an open marriage.  the proper reaction is to react with lip curling disgust. NO, we’re not DEGENERATE. then you say, good, i was testing you to see if you are degenerate. you passed. good for you. i dont associate with open marriage degenerates. we live in such a degenerate, nihilistic era, that some people think that cheating on your husband or wife is just fine. just making sure you’re not like that.  just making sure youre not such a shitty goddamn cheater that both of you have rationalized that cheating is ok. fook that shit.

when i was out in the world working muh horrible job, i was amazed at how many normal people were DISGUSTING CHEATERS. people who seemed normal and nice were cheating on their husbands and wives. and it seemed MORE prevalent with the OLDER people, like by the time you get to 30, cheating is just a normal thing you do as your first marriage falls apart. super black pill. aso. brack pirru.

german tech company has not responded to my email saying yes you can call me to do the phone screening at these times. they contacted me first! then i responded back promptly. and now nothing.

aug 26

had semi weird dream that provided interesting food for thought. sheeeeeeeit at least 8-9 years ago my male friend had a gf and they were quite serious, have been in a traditional monogamous nondegen ltr for liek 4 years at least. i hung out with muh friend a lot, she hung out with him a lot, so i saw a lot of her, which can often be a problem in male male franships, except that i got along with her really well, and i was not really the third wheel. we would all have fun smokin MJ and watching movies and eating food and having dranks or whatever.

anyway my friend and the woman broke up. i was still very friendly with her and even hung out with her a little bit, which i was well away at the time was potentially controversial. yes it would be, i thought, if i had any designs on her! but she’s just a nice person, we get along well, and i dont have any other female friends. its not like im trying to GET with her. that would be just weird. and also potentially traitorous to my friend. i dont want to do that.

“on the job training provided for the RIGHT candidate” ???!?!?!?!?!!

OH THANK YOU SO MUCH.

not even taking into account that “on the job training” is ABSOLUTELY JOOISH BULLSHIT, but now its just being dangled as the reward for GOOD performers only. otherwise you get punished by being fired, or no OJT at all.

and of course the main reason OJT is BULLSHIT is because ITS NOT TRAINING AT ALL.

its you look like an untrained idiot in front of customers, then bother another busy person to show you how to do your job, and their customers and your customers wait impatiently and get bitchy, and you look bad, and your coworker resents you, and the company looks bad. lose lose lose lose lose situation.

anyway. re the 2008 or so woman. yeah she pretty much was a female friend. i got along with her well, she was very nice to me, and she was qt. sound familiar?

one day something Snapped, and i was like WOW she is a TOTAL qt, i would really like to bang her. but thats weird because that is one of muh best friends ex gfs. i respect him enough to never do something like that. but damn she is a real qt for sure……

and this was after she had started dating a new guy. probably a little too soon for my liking after the end of her rel with my friend.

sound familiar?

so, after they break up and are single for 2 months, thats when my feelings start to change, and then when they start dating a new guy, my feelings are unequivocally changed. like maybe hmm. so you were looking for a new man but didnt even consider me.

now, with that 2008 woman, i didnt have a deep luving infatuation or crush on her like with w2015. i just wanted to bang her. but i liked her as a friend. and the emotions were conflicting and confusing. also, we hung out much less as she dated the new guy. also the new guy seemed like a decent enough guy, i think they might have gotten married or at least stayed together for years.

so, w2015 was like the next level of that: we were even closer friends, i was more in luv with her, the whole thing went on for longer. also there was never the issue that i might be betraying a friend of mine, because she was never dating a friend of mine. i became friends with her directly.

but yeah in the dream there was that woman from 2008 and i guess i was trying to secs her up, touching her and trying to take her clothes off.

so yeah the main takeaway is that i probably had some kind of feelings for her, and was an indicator that i was capable of getting feelings for a female friend who i thought was just friends. or at the very least I could discover that there was signif Secsual Attraction there that I wasn’t initially aware of. and its weird. because you think ive known this person for months or years and its only NOW I’m “discovering” this physical attraction for them? when men including me can usually tell within seconds whether or not a gurl is attractive?

I think i always knew these women were attractive, but there were other mitigating circumstances where I knew that being actively attracted to them was morally wrong (gf of my friend, and or she has a bf) or inconvenient (shes just a friend, besides i am hung up on other women)

anyway i never had a big blowout with the 2008 woman, i was never deeply in luv with her, we just sorta drifted apart as she got more serious with her new bf. but there was no hard feelings and no hate or bitterness or coldness or butthurt whatsoever, and i remember her fondly and wish the best for her.

and my male friend found another seemingly decent woman and got married to her and they had a baby and i hope they have more. all white of coursh hahahaah. they have been together for like 7 or 8 years and she seems decent, i dont think she’ll ruin the marriage hahahaha. i dont really know her tho.

i was reading a blut aus nord review yesterday and the guy was like memoria vetusta II is a special album, i listened to it after muh GF gave birth to her child.

implying that the child was not his.

implying that this skank got knocked up by some loser who ran off immed after getting her pregnant.

implying that she started dating this black metal loving sap WHILE she was pregnant with the other guys child

DONT DATE ANYONE WHILE YOU ARE PREGNANT WITH ANOTHER GUYS CHILD! JUST STAY AWAY FROM MEN!!!!! DONT EVEN DATE EMO OMEGA NICEGUYS!!!!!

then the reviewer was like, i was devastated when she left me and i couldnt listen to this album for a long time.

and i thought, WOW, this guy is super pathetic cringe.

first, falling in luv with a pregnant woman.

second, being dumped by her after she has the baby, and being so upset by it.

THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD GO I.

the woman should be glad any man can still love her after she had another man’s bastard.

yet she dumps him exactly because he is a sniveling, supplicating, weak, phaggy omega.

don’t be that guy.

i have never fallen in luv with a Single Mother or been dumped by a single mother, and I hope I NEVER do.

i guess i would bang a slutty single mother. but i still have a healthy disrespect for single mothers.

i mean theyll never tell you the truth. its always its all the guys fault. he was a total jerk and deadbeat. and acutally that may be the truth. but then…..why would you have a baby with him? because you are a white ingra who lives on instant gratification and cant think of the future. and i damn sure cant trust you.  you create life WILLY NILLY with men who would be terrible fathers! your judgment is even worse than the average womans! which is pretty goddamn bad as it is!

thats ROCK BOTTOM. when you are desperately in LUV with a single mother. I hope i NEVER get there.

especially a pregnant woman. she picks deadbeats who cant even stay around for 9 months. and why are they even putting themselves on the market when they are PREGNANT? and what kind of pathetic guy sees that and says yep thats acceptable? a rock bottom man even more desperate than I hahahahahahaha.

so he can go beat off with his own foreveralone virgin neet tears with his blut aus nord albums hahahahahaha.

no i have nothing against BaN and I would like to listen to them……if they didnt use a DAMN DRUM MACHINE.

USE REAL DAMN DRUMS. yet for 20 years and 20 albums the guy uses a blatant machine sounding drum machine. yet i can appreciate him as a good guitar player and probably good songwriter. so just play the drums YOURSELF, i will take a sloppy amateurish drum performance over a MACHINE ANY DAY. the most important thing is the drums sound good, and this guy is prob enough of a Studio Nerd to put in effort to get good sound. so just get a good sound and put in a completely amateur burzum drum performance. shit i LIKE the way varg plays drums. its NOT HARD to play in time. just fookin PRACTICE for a few hours. and the practice should be FUN, because DRUMS ARE FUN. inherently. fooking call ME up and i will do the drums even though i am the biggest amateur  and havent touched a drum set in like 8 years.

i am AUTISTIC about drums as you can see hahaha and I HATE drum machines in black metal. any kind of metal or rock. electronic drums are JUST FINE in electronic music. but elsewhere? never.

ok. had butter coffee plus a .25 scoop of protein this morning. as much as i hate to take in calories before 12 noon hahahaha.

heated up coffee in microwave so the butter actually melted hahahaha.

so now i am comparing and contrasting that woman with the woman from 2008. they were similar in that they were both very nice to me, we got along well, and they were willing to hang out with me, hahahaha.  when i first met w2015, i guess she sorta reminded me of w2008. they even looked a little alike. but as of right now, i found w2015 way qter. she had longer legs and longer hair and a bigger bottom and i liked all that very much. jeeeeeez. the less said the better. damn. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

but yeah in the dream i was very hot to bang the woman from 2008. and i think i got her pants off and got a glimpse of The Action, but then the dream faded out. of courshe.

anyway i hope she is married with children by now. she has to be about 30 years old by now. WOW.

and one day That Woman will be 30 too. about 4 years from now hahahaha.

sheeeeeit i wish i were 25 or 26 again and had a full 4 years to go before 30!

anyway. were these women REALLY all that similar? or did the fact that they were qt and nice to me and friends with me and we got along make me THINK they were similar.

well they had sort of similar faces. both had pale white skin. they both partook MJ and because of that seemed chill and Cool. the previous woman had a lame tattoo but it wasnt a dealbreaker.

but you develop a fondness and sense of closeness when you see a woman regularly for over a year and get along well.

oh yeah at the tech interview they (the actual tech supervisor) asked me if i understood the OSI model. I grimaced and said yeah I’d studied it in a networking class about 5 years ago but I honestly don’t remember a lot of specific. I know there are 6 to 8 layers, including the application layer and the network layer, but…..I’m sorry sir, I would have to refresh my memory on it, but I assure you I would do that very quickly. hahahahaha.

http://www.webopedia.com/quick_ref/OSI_Layers.asp

heh. yeah we covered it in muh networking class which kinda sucked. the teacher was a nice guy but he wasnt a great teacher. its HARD to be a great teacher with a topic like this. but you kinda need it because the shit is kinda obtuse. it does NOT come naturally.  it does NOT make much sense.

rejection email for 20 hour a week, 11 dollar an hour part time job at local college where i was kinda hoping to get the job and they seemed to like me. DAYUM. interview was 11 days ago.

it was a doable job, nothing glorious, but nothing that would make me ragequit, i could go there for 20 hours a week and at least HOLD DOWN SOME SORT OF JOB while looking for another job.

meanwhile that bitch works FT making 16 dollars an hour and doesnt ragequit and has already made 30k more than i have in the past year hahahahaha.

hehehehe i hate competing with women in career IN ADDITION TO essentially competing for their physical and emotional favor. now you have to make more money than them and have better career status than them too.

and it does make you feel like much less of a man when a woman whos much younger than you is doing a LOT better than you with career and making money. no WONDER she rejected you, ya damn neet loser! you cant work and make money like a real man!

sheeeeeeit that guy who i was playing phone tag with called me BACK! and i missed the call! i called him right back and got VM. sheeeeeit. so now i will call him back every 10 or 20 minutes until 5 pm hahahaha.

it is 325 right now.

i didnt expect him to call me back! after i called him back, left a voice mail, then called him again the next day. i just figured he’d call one of the other 500 applicants.

this fookin guy i used to work with fookin looked at my linkedin profile and stole some of my blurbs for HIS shit with the company!!!!!! white guy but fat as fook. he was obnoxious because of his fatness alone. he was REALLY fat. typical computer gamer who does nothign but sit at the gaming machine and eat fast food and drink soda. he had a GF but guess what, she was a fat pig too hahahahahahaha. she might have been cute if she lost at least 100 pounds too! she was young and didnt have a fat ugly face.

i only talked to him once and he was not as obnoxious as i thought he’d be hahahahaha. so i figure he’s just a decent white guy struggling, so i will let him copy and paste my paragraph hahahaha. not sure if he found a new job yet. he strikes me as not too much of a go getter. probably milked his unemployment as much as possible hahahaha. he went to a high school in a real white trash area of town, so its good he’s not a drug addicted, pill popping, tattooed eminem wannabe hahahahaha.

come to think of it, there were quite a few people from that white trash high school at this job. before working there, i had never really met anyone who went to that school.

my female former friend could have gone to a REALLY white trash high school but she somehow got school of choiced into a better high school? I think? I would have liked a chance to talk to her more about that. get to know her better hahahahaha. i hate fookin WOMEN hahahhhaha.

FINALLY. got ahold of the guy, got interview set up for tuesday 4 days from now. NOICE. number 18. unsuccessful interview number 18. got to get to 25 or so hahahaha.

entry level test technician for testing inspection and certification. testing parts. really hands on he says. did not ask about wage sheeeeeeeeeeeit.

hey dont get the hopes up hahahaha. this is ONLY the 18th interview. i got to get to at LEAST 25, 30, 40, or 50 remember hahahaha. im not lean and mean enough yet. havent paid muh dues yet.

but yeah i get SOME confidence boost from getting a new interview. and then can also get a conf boost if the interview goes ok. if the interview does NOT go ok, then i feel bad for a few days hahahaha.

of course, even if the interview goes ok and i feel good, i still know i wont get the job hahahaha.

also the place is really close too. and full time. probably at least 12 an hour hahaha.

its only 7 miles away. dayum. believe me that is huge.

today i kinda felt like going on okcupid and seeing what kinda bangable 25 year old sluts there are out there. i mean i dont want to go to a meth addicted hooker, so might as well go to a oxy addicted nihilistic skank who beleives their nihilism and hedonism is something like “i am a very LOVING person, i LOVE everybody.”

TO LOVE ALL EQUALLY IS TO LOVE NONE WELL

-t. i cant remember who, some vaguely alt right person of courshe hahaha.

ok gonna give this one a try now. i heard their first album years ago and remembered it was pretty good “atmoblack”, not all pvssy and blackgaze, yeah theyre hardcore pagans but they didnt seem like communists. also i found the fact that they were english to be interesting. maybe an anglo saxon sort of paganry hahahaha.

WOW the hr gurl who is 10 years younger than me, confirmed the phone interview finally, for monday. sheeeeit i thought she forgot about me too. well i have never had a phone interview to bomb hahahaha. i am not confident they will call me in for an in person interview.

and then i have an in person interview on tuesday.

i am not counting the phone interview as a real interview, ie, towards muh number.

so the one on tuesday (plane/car parts testing lab) is The 18th Interview. well 18 is an auspicious number in golf. maybe the 18th will be my lucky one hehehehe.

and today a guy i went to community college with 5 years ago sent me a request on linkedin. we were in an economics study group together for the one bitchy econ prof. i wonder how many econ instructors they have today. come on. like they couldnt just get some dime a dozen mba to adjunct instruct econ 101 and 102 for 15 bucks an hour hahahahaha.

oh sorry i guess they make more like 30 bucks an hour. well. hmmm. thats not bad then.

wodensthrone album was ok, good, listenable i guess hahaha. i listened to the first song, some of the second song. all long songs hahaha. and mainly listend to the fatherland.

 

FEMALE PROMISCUITY IS A WAY WORSE MORAL THREAT THAN G4Y SECS (pt 2)

june 11

hahahahah i just donated 1 dollar to STORMFRONT hahahahahahaha via bitcoin.

nothing wrong with stormfront even though TRS is kewler. I have spent a few hours reading stormfront in my life and I will probably spend a few more. even though they make 5000 dollars a month which is way more than i will ever make hahahaha.

now i donated 1 dollar to counter currents. i am really TAKING OWNERSHIP hahahaha in the pro-white resources I have taken from in muh life.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/an-appropriate-view-of-women-vs-mgtow-and-r-theredpill/27754/1

FANTASTIC hahahaha

http://archive.is/VaJfB

not sure if these pages can be archived

donated 50 cents to internet archive because even this is an important thing to do. even if they archive antiwhite pages. hey also archive prowhite pages.

https://web.archive.org/web/20160611171651/http://feministing.com/2016/05/03/things-that-are-sexually-ethically-weird/

hehehehe dont read this stupid and triggering article

well archives dont capture disqus comments which is unfortunately.

donated 1 dollar to tradyouth which i think matthew heimbach is still associated with. not sure how close they are to traditionalist workers party.

sheeeit anyone else I can donate to?

managed to apply for 4 jobs on a saturday hahahahaha. the county lets you apply for the same job twice. nothing like you’ve already applied for this job. you could apply for the same job, same job NUMBER, which probably is not a GUID or something like that, ie a totally unique identifier. multiple times.

applied for county job in the county MORGUE where there would be probably lots of exposure to DEAD BODIES. JEEZ.

i can investigate the white trash teenage whores who die of fentanyl OD’s hahahaha. maybe I would come across THAT WOMAN on the morgue slab hahahahahaha. no thats really not that funny. I was implying that she would get into painkillers like her white trash peers. and she never was. but with white trash, its always a risk.

i guess I could donate to MPC. or Red Ice.

is there some kind of SLPC, antifa, doxxing campaign where you try to identify who owns what bitcoin address? because people put their btc addresses online. and anyone can look up any btc transaction. including mine hahaha. and see that i have donated to daily stormer, trs, stormfront, counter currents, all pro white racist stuff hahaha.

be like hey managerz look who muh real name is donating money too hahhaha. he is a NAZI. i dont care if people think im a nazi…….unless those people have POWER over me or they can SLANDER me publicly. i dont want random people to know i am a nazi hahahahaha. when i am semi anonymous then yeah. but openly, with my real name? only if we are INTIMATE longterm friends!

or the FEDZ now have me on a LIST because they can see that I sent BITCOIN to WEEV, who the feds put in prison and I think destroyed his home? I don’t think I’d like to be Roommates with Weev, but he is a very fascinating guy and I am very glad he is on Our Side, and I think he’s gonna stay on our side. And on the off chance he doesn’t, then I will stop giving him $5 a year hahahaha.

maybe THAT WOMAN will betray me by going on the internet and saying my real name is a nazi. hahahaha. no Im not even worried. she doesnt want anything to do with me. and she doesnt CARE than Im A Natzee.  she might even be a little racist herself. i could have molded her hahahahaha. into perfect aryan waifu who had only been with 1 or 2 guys before me hahaha.

who cares, its over. it dont matter. had some nyquil hehe. average dose now is 75% of the 30 ml dose.

june 12

wow, mudslim kills 50 people in mass shooting at gay bar in orlando florida. 50 people?!?!?! just a few hours ago they were saying 20. how does it go from 20 to 50?  horry sheet. this might be a great thing and make gays hate mudslims hahahaha just as mudslims hate gays. OR there could behuge gun grab laws in florida and elsewhere, which would be bad.

” Associates Degree is about the highest level of education the hiring manager would like to consider ” hahahahahahahahahahahah thats a new one, havent seen that in a job posting yet, till now. for a job that also calls itself “entry level” ie exactly what i am looking for.

i dont understand this. do they think the bachelors degree people are a “flight risk” because theyre gonna find a better job right away? well one look at my resume will tell them I have been underemployed consistently, if not unemployed hahahaha, for the past 11 years hahahahahahaha. no flight risk here!

just for that, i will DEFINITELY apply to this one.

ok sunday. got 16 job tabs.

see, on sundays, i don’t really want to apply for any or many jobs, but i do want to look thru indeed and find the New Job Leads.

so i found 16 and then BOOKMARKED ALL TABS and saved them in a NEW FOLDER of bookmarks with the date.

i think I should use this as a way to make a “to do list” of current jobs. just find a ton of jobs, add them to that folder, and then delete the shit from the folder when I apply.

heh i increased my monthly donation to fatherland and also wrote them a message:

quote

Dear Fatherland,

Sorry for the ridiculously small and insulting d’nation. I hope to increase it as I eventually improve my situation.

I wouldn’t mind seeing more in-depth, roundtable discussion on: what is a set-in-stone dealbreaker, vs what can/should we compromise on, when it comes to selecting/vetting a wife, and evaluating her character and her past.

For example, how many N is too many? (N = Number of “partners”.) 3? 5? 10? I want to say 3-5, but I might have to be more flexible on this.

How many nonwhite N’s are too many? I really want to say 1 is too many. But say you know an outlier, a woman who’s only been with 2 guys total, but one was black.

Also, abortion. How many abortions is too many? I want to say 1 is too many, kind of like race-mixing. I am staunchly pro-life (Catholic!) and abortion horrifies and disgusts me. It’s also insidious how it is framed as a religious issue, rather than a simple issue of life and death. You don’t have to be religious in order to find abortion abhorrent!

Anyway, I think modern women are so brainwashed, they don’t even understand how their own bodies work, and they truly don’t understand the moral implications of abortion, and truly think of it as removing a clump of cells, and not murdering a human life.

For example, say the woman has had one abortion, but eventually came to understand the sin she’s committed, and repents for it, and vows never to do it again, and has arrived at a deeper, more appropriate respect of human life. In this case, I would be willing to compromise on the Zero Abortions rule, compared to a woman who got multiple abortions and just doesn’t care.

And finally: single mothers. How do we know if she’s learned from her mistakes, or not? Some men have found single mothers who turned out to be great, loyal wives, and they’ve shared their stories on the forum….but I don’t think this is the average single mother…is it?

Basically, I view sex as the Life Creation Process, and I think many women (and men) lose sight of this. They don’t have appropriate respect for life or the process that creates it!!

OK that’s enough ranting! I am just speaking as a prospective husband and father who has had to make some difficult decisions and compromises with women. How much is too much? Where should we draw the line?

Have any of you guys had to make a very tough decision about a woman’s morality and suitability, (bonus points if you were painfully dumped at the end of it, hahaha)?

Ever been dumped by a decent woman, and how was that worse than being dumped by a not-so-decent woman?

Also do you have any ideas about communication between the spouses? I am a huge fan of communication in general. Easy to say, but sometimes very hard to do. What if someone is “Stonewalling” you or giving you the “silent treatment”? And what starts off as a “cooling off period” turns into “avoiding dealing with a problem indefinitely?” I had a situation like that, and when I made a move to communicate about it and try to fix it, the woman just walked away, and I was upset she couldn’t even make an effort, couldn’t communicate.

Anyone have experience dealing with someone who just didn’t want to make an effort? You can lead the horse to water but they absolutely refuse to drink? I am willing to lead….but they have to be willing to follow too. Also, it’s good when they are willing to work with you when the going gets tough, rather than just walk away. IMHO, this is what loyalty and commitment are all about!

If you can see my real name from Paypal, please don’t dox me, hahahaha. I am blabla on the forums in case you were wondering, but please don’t mention me at all, hahaha. I prefer being very low-key. But feel free to talk about those broader wife-selecting questions on the show. No need to respond to this message either.

I have to wonder how many Fatherland listeners are aspirational, prospective husbands/fathers. I would wager a guess of at least 30%. We realize that family and children are the best way to live out the meaning of The 14 Words, and I think that’s why we like your show so much.

It is my #1 show on TRS, that’s for sure. I have listened to every episode, and I hope to listen to many, many more!!!!

end quote

the original message was longer and contained more personal information hahahaha basically regarding me and that woman. how you could really be on the fence about her because she has at least two very big strikes against her………..but still the pros probably outweigh the cons.

i guess deep down I probably wanted to have a private discussion with the men of the fatherland about That Woman and for them to reassure me…..or not. would they say well she’s just a filthy mudshark, no WAY she’s only been with 2 guys, you dodged a bullet son…..and then I’d say but REALLY. she REALLY WAS only N=2. she’s REALLY an OUTLIER here.

that, or theyd say I fooked up by being too unmasculine. what you’re HOW old? damn son you aren’t gonna have many more chances like this! better start aiming for the 30+ single mothers!

i mean its a complicated story. lot of moving parts. lots of ins and outs. lot of calculations that can be made.

i edited out a lot of the personal details. It took a lot of guts just to send them that shorter message!

because this is a complicated situation. most women who have been with black guys have been with LOTS of black guys. not just 1 out of 2 total. that alone puts her in the top 1% of mudsharks. far outlier end. she might even view it as a mistake, then LEARN from that mistake. which itself is not typical mudshark behavior. which is more like, once you go black, you dont go back hahahaha.

so i screwed up. so it was all my fault, these fine men will say. yeah well i already KNOW to be more masculine and direct in the future. plus i dont think it really was ALL my fault.

basically, even if it were ALL my fault, it wouldn’t change ANYTHING. not even the lessons learned. it would just make me feel WORSE hahahaha.

but my point is, some women you have to go into painstaking detail. normally being with a black guy is enough to automatically disqualify a woman, becuase where theres smoke, theres fire. except when there isn’t, and the woman has enough good qualities to outweigh that. and she did.

yeah well DECENT women dont DUMP men they way SHE did!

hehehe the only way i could fully MANSPLAIN MYSELF is to go on the show, and I dont want to do that. Well…in an ideal world, where I was a confident normie, I would. But at this point in muh life, I wouldn’t want to put myself out there, on that show. I would be much more willing to do a NEETCAST however. because im closer to a NEET loser than to a 1488 husbando and fathero. dadfu. dadpai. hahaha. FATHERO hahaha fatherpai fatherfu i dunno. fat hero.

you think theyre gonna grab guns in florida!!! there are some proud white gun toting rednexxxx in florida!

how many mudslims are in florida? Also this guy was born in the us! thats what I’m saying! its YOUNGER mudslims, age 20 to 30 as of 2016, that get into this! no one over the age of 40! they didn’t HAVE radical mudslims 20 years ago, they way they do now! well, they take over countries, they take over iran, pakistan, afghanistan, iraq, etc. but now its really moving into the WEST in a way it hasnt done before.

hmmmmm not sure if that message i wrote actually got sent along with my paltry dnation hahaha. oh well I can always email or message them if i really want.

technically had a dream with her in it last night. she was not in it for very long. tons of friends i have had in my life appeared. i saw her for 2 seconds and she was nice enough to me, but she was also walking away, seemed in a hurry to get away from me. kinda like the last time I ever talked to her. she was cold and distant to me the whole time and I walked her to her car and she acted like she could not wait to be rid of me. and that was it. that was the last time i talked to her in real life.  hahahaha. sad story bro. in the dream she was a little nicer but still in a hurry to walk away from me.

and THAT is how she wants to be remembered? she couldnt walk away in a LITTLE bit better way than that? couldnt even say SORRY, i KNOW this HURTS, but i can’t take it any more and have to walk away? just say something. jeez.

basically I got a bunch of tabs from looking at the days listings in indeed.  I made this my main focus for like an hour and came up with a bunch of tabs. I was gonna find all the jobs for the day and THEN work on applying to them. I “bookmark all” tabs into the indicated folder. Now I can come back to each posting later. this folder of bookmarks becomes my new to-do list which I can of course replenish when I look at the new postings every 24 hours. throw some more bookmarks in here. and then apply for as many as possible.

I then name a note in an ongoing notes file, like a journal, of the date, the 4 or 5 jobs i applied to that day, and any ideas or notes, like, i applied with The Packet this time, etc.

and then 90% of the time you get a confirmation email. move that to an “applied jobs” folder so you can get a rough estimate of how many jobs youve applied for.

I guess you can save the bookmarks too, or delete them. right now I like deleting them.

and then hopefully you start getting another round of interviews again.

but tonnes of MJ would be good for this whole stupid process. that is only overtaken in stupidity and gayness by actually working itself hahahaha.

yeah just focus dead set for 20 to 30 minutes at looking at a looooonnnggg list of 1000 jobs and determining the jobs you should apply to. when you find one just keep going, you will apply to it later, after you get done with this scanning the list task.

and once you have a list of jobs, just apply to them in a blind rage until you dont even have to think about any more and you are just moving FAST like a MACHINE. you should be able to get thru 5 pretty fast even if they are long and stupid. you will have muscle memory at which files you need to copy and paste to and from.

and some applications will be a lot quicker than others.

and as you do multiple applications with one company, it will usually save the shit you did the first time.

I also recommend making monthly donations to people or causes you support. makes  you feel like you are a vital part of it ahahahahhaa.

like i give a dollar a week to CHURCH, I should be able to give a dollar a week to people I actually LIKE, like millennial woes, or trs, or fatherland, or daily stormer. so give them each .25 a week hahahaha. im using their stuff anyway. enjoying their content and work. why NOT give them a donation.

once I adopted this mindset, I found myself becoming more generous. jsut donating to shit that I USE but dont really PAY FOR. like give a “tip” to archive.org becuase I use them sometimes and they provide a useful service. give a tiny “tip” to “the document foundation” for providing the libreoffice software that I and many others use. Im not gonna give them a LOT of money, but just a LITTLE money. I gave archive and libre 50 cents apiece for example.

and I am onyl giving 50 cents per MONTH to MW and fatherland.  prob try to do the same for TRS. giving .10 euros a week to daily stormer. its just a bunch of TINY donations which I want to do on an ongoing basis. makes me feel like a real STAKEHOLDER in the important work of important people. this is how i make a difference in the world. by making tiny donations to people who ARE making a difference in the world.

i mean Im grateful that I am PRIVILEGED enough to donate. so I SHOULD donate, eh? its kind of like tithing. Shit I give tiny donations to CHURCH anyway! a dollar a week! 50 bucks a year! why can’t I match that with 50 bucks a year to some causes I really care about? ie racist nationalists hahahahaha. so I am gonna do that.

When I actually MADE money I would give 5 dollars a week to church. And ideally I will start MAKING money and be able to give more to nationalists. people that are serious about the 14 words. people who are creating jobs for muricans hahahaha.

when TRS or daily stormer becomes a big media company in god emperor trumps new amerika, they will see I supported them, and then reward me with an entry level job making 14.88 an hour hahahahaha.

WOMEN SEPARATE SECS AND LUV SO MUCH, THEY NEED SEPARATE MEN TO PROVIDE EACH

may 7

had semi interesting dream featuring woman1, aka woman2003, the first woman I ever went crazy for. she was not the best choice but probably not the absolutely worst choice either. i dont know how slutty she really was. ultimately she had probably been with less than 10 guys, so thats pretty good. no children. college student in Fine Arts, hahaha. she was basically a Hippie and A Painter. Recipe for Batshit Crazy yeah I know. Kinda weird that I fell for a gurl with that personality, I never really did again. But she was nice and friendly and energetic and not super bitchy, not mean or grumpy. and she liked to take MJ and listen to some of the same music I did and was partially in muh social circle in 2003. now she was very cute and maybe established me as a Leg Man, and indeed, That Woman might have been somewhat similar in body shape.

anyway in the dream we were spending the night in the same house but in two different rooms, right next to each other. ideally I wanted to go into her room and make out and cuddle with her all night long. hahaha. but I was aware the more masculine thing, and which women would more prefer, is that I march in there like a conqueror and pound the shit out of her ass like a real man, then maybe I could get some of my precious cuddling afterwards. But I had to establish my dominance as a masculine conqueror, not a sensitive feminine cuddler.

so I went in there and was not nearly as masculine as I should have been. She was friendly to me but she did not see flirtatious or inviting in that way.

Now this is problematic for me, because I find “flirtatiousness” to be overly sexual and SLUTTY. I honestly don’t know how a woman should signal more-than-friendly interest in me without seeming slutty. I am perfectly happy with women being warm and friendly and nice to me. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean they want to get pounded by, or even make out with you.  i wish it did, though, because I find actual flirtatiousness to be too slutty and degenerate and pornographic! but maybe that’s MY problem, and I just have accept that It Is What It Is.

https://productforums.google.com/forum/#!topic/chrome/oH7VZGY5h9w

this is my problem with Tech hahaha. the users of chrome, a big name browser made by one of the biggest tech names, are pointing out a pretty common sense feature request since 2012 at least which has not been address by the company. the best support and response we can get is from an Asian “subject matter expert” who is probably making 1 dollar an hour if that as a contractor for google.  and who doesnt really know shit and gives answers like “we aren’t aware of any feature that does this, if you can’t find one, then it probably doesn’t exist.” thanks google support employee.  but realize this is the answer being given to them by their level 2’s in a chat room. and you arent allowed to speak to the level 2’s.

well could we escalate this and double check for sure? could we submit a formal feature request to the well-paid american google employees?

the feature request is to have an auto-logout of the chrome browser when you close out of chrome.

because you can connect the browser with your google account, basically to import all your history, bookmarks, and PASSWORDS on any computer or phone where you use chrome. home, office, anywhere.

but say you don’t want somebody at your office like your boss or IT Dept SysAdmin to get access to your gmail and facebook and neet virgin despair blog and banking and white nationalist forum hahahaha.

and say you forgot to log off your account from chrom before closing chrome. you know how it says your name on the little box in the upper right.

well, to really “sign off” from this, you have to go into SETTINGS and click on “disconnect my google account.”

ideally this option would be available when you click the little name box.

ideally it would give you a checkbox to be able to disconnect you automatically when you close the browser.

people have been asking for this since 2012 and probably earlier, and it is SO REASONABLE. how could this be too expensive to implement. yet google has given no response to it except a shitty response from an asian contractor making 1 dollar an hour.

PATHETIC. DISGUSTING. SHAMEFUL. This is the biggest tech company in the world, making one of the biggest browsers in the world.  we arent talking about internet explorer here hahahaha.

is there REALLY something i’m missing because I’m not an EXPERT? where common sense is actually wrong because of something weird that only the super trained eye can see? well they are sure not attempting to explain it. and here i WOULD like an explanation. Have someone with a GOOD job (making 40 k a year or more) ATTEMPT to explain it to me. not a 18 year old asian gurl in Customer Service. the customer service should be better trained in the technology so they CAN explain technical things. I don’t blame these poor pathetic souls at level 1 customer service. i blame the managers hahahaha.

for those jobs, customer service is very important…..but so are technical skills. you can be nice and professional as shit but what good is it if you don’t KNOW anything?

and thing is, BOTH these things can be coached and trained and taught. but that takes TIME and MONEY companies are not willing to invest. its actually cheaper to contract a staffing agency AND offer a higher wage to new people……than it is to train/invest in existing people? so just fire the existing people? I guess so. if something doesnt make sense on the surface…..the reason is because its cheaper. cheaper in the short term. that is ALWAYS the answer. Note: what is cheaper in the short term is often more expensive in the long term. So why don’t companies seem to care about the long term? because you can’t have a long term without a short term. so cheaper in the short term is the answer for EVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRYYYYYYTHHHIIINNNGGGG.

NEVER FORGET THAT. It will save you a lot of frustration and confusion and anger.

anyway, my dream.

I think I finally made up my mind to go in there and pound her like a man. she was still being just friendly rather than sexy to me, which as I said, i prefer. I wish all flirting were like this. I wish women never acted “sexy” because to me it seems very slutty. but unfort it is what it is, women dont operate like that. anywhere she took her clothes off which i guess is a good sign for pounding hahahaha. but her entire body from her shoulders down to like her hips were covered  in weird colored body paint. i said ummm thats not a giant tattoo, is it? YEP! she responded. huh. so a large part of her body was covered in a permanent weird colors. great. mainly it covered the breasts and stomach area. in a way it was somewhat titillating, but it would obviously get real weird, real fast. great. this isnt what I signed up for. SO i decided I should Hit It And Quit It.

put as soon as I made up my mind to Pound Her Masculinely, she essentially faded away or kept disappearing. As by now the dream had been going on for a while and I was waking up and it was time to end. you know how dreams only last for so long then start fading out. then I woke up. no pounding her ass hahahaha. i had WAITED TOO LONG. SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT.

but at least the woman in the dream was a different woman, and it rekindled my feelings for that woman hahahaha. well shit she is older than me! but I was very young then. she got a master’s degree and got married and hopefully never got above 10 and hopefully is loyal and loving to her husband and is having kids before her uterus dries up soon.  i am assuming the husband is white because it’s a very white name and thankfully she took his last name. no hyphen. no space. no appending. just a full replacement. the way it should be, hahahahaha.

it would have been fun to go out with her for like 6 months and bang her 2000 times, hahahaha. but i was not manly or masculine or cool or confident enough. i was like a peasant gasping in awe before the throne of god hahahaha.

well the only time you should be doing that is when you are kneeling before the actual throne of god hahaha.

well EXCUSE ME because I have always INHERENTLY found something SACRED and DIVINE in the life-creating power of woman.

of course this does not help if they don’t respect and revere that awesome power THEMSELVES. and just give it away to lots of guys when they are young and fertile. like spitting in the face of god.

so this is a great song off the  TON october rust album, a very very goth album but also my favorite of their very goth albums, but not necess my fav TON albums….but its def up there and was influential to me at an Impressionable period of my life. I was in high school and remember countless hours of listening to this album and writing and playing quake hahahaha. that was high school. getting stupid good grades, listening to TON, writing stories and journals, and playing doom and quake hahahaha.  also I got into more degenerate hobbies like porn, alcohol, and MJ starting halfway thru high school. that was the beginning of the end.

anyway the song is a degenerate song about eating a bitches period juice (i think hahahahaha) and a lot of the songs on this album are very Worshipful of Women in a kind of Creepy Obsessive way, but it also combines that with the Strong Masculinity of Peter Steele. Like he would give the woman a good masculine pounding while also loving them in a drink their period blood creepy way. creating the perfect bitches in fishnets and black lipstick gothic 90s album. and this song captures that very well, while  also being CRAMMED with great melodies and riffs. it has since become a bit of a fan favorite and they regularly played it live up to the end i think. It was also featured in the semi gothic vampire werewolf shitty movie underworld I think.

anyway I was thinking MY special calling would be to do a Raw Black Metal cover of this song, with Raw Guitars and drums, and blast beats, and either no or much more low-key keyboards. but that very rocking riff would be played very much the same way, perhaps to bring a “black n roll” feel. Maybe really draw out that riff and make it one of the main focus of the song. repeat it 1488 time with some blast beats some of the time too. probably keep some of the low peter steel style vocals. those could possibly be adapted to black metal.

not that type o neg has anything to DO with black metal! but I am a fan of both. that’s all.

that is my idea of creativity. not writing my own songs, but doing black metal versions of other people’s songs.

this is not inherently bad or uncreative! so I need to stop criticizing myself for not being creative enough. creative musicians are total degenerates anyway.

also TON were themselves known for doing very creative different covers of songs. for example on that same album they do a great cover of cinnamon gurl but one of my favorites neil young. however AT THAT TIME, I had no idea of neil young other than some weird old guy who hung out with grunge f4ggots like pearl jam hahaha. I didn’t really like the song. but within 4 or 5 years I was a huge neil fan, especially the album with cinnamon gurl. and I remain a huge neil fan, so it is great to come back to TON and hear cinnamon gurl with fresh ears.

also TON’s covers of hey joe and paranoid on origin of feces are just great. and yeah I guess summer breeze on bloody kisses.

they do a beatles cover on world coming down but i dont give a shit about the beatles. still. I hopefully never will. fookin beatles. LAME.

well you can find several covers of wolf moon on youtube. nothing black metal. looks like i have found my niche here.

like this qt russian gothic gurl who does piano covers of everything. you can also see her dancing like a gothic slut which I found titilating and had to turn off to avoid the near occasion of sin. also I lost respect for her because its not respectable for a gurl to dance like a slut. but i could tell she did not THINK she was dancing “like a slut.” but she WAS!!!!!!

these gurls might not like sluts, and might not think they are dressing or acting like sluts…..BUT THEY ARE!!!!!!

you shouldnt even THINK of having SECS with a guy you’ve known less than 3 months!

yet all the “dating” “relationships” I’ve had with women have existed ALL within the space of 3 short months!

beginning, middle, end!

meeting, dating, fooking, and ending!

rushing through the relationship simulator!!!!

this is obscene, monstrous, grotesque. go through the WHOLE thing, INCLUDING secs, all within 3 months. you should not be having secs within 3 months. you should be getting to know the person.

so really any time i can have a “rel” with a woman than lasts longer than 3 months…..its rare and i am happy.

its a ridiculous farce how fast this fake shallow relationship simulations happen. i cant respect women who do that. yet 50% of women do do that!!!!!!

just follow the simple rule of: never have secs with a guy you’ve known less than 3 months!!!!!!!!!! period!!!!!!!!!

this is what women USED to do, before they turned into degenerate garbage. so easily corrupted by da j00z.

ive NEVER liked this about women, even when I was a leftist feminist, and I liked her because she didn’t seem Like That, which was SO refreshing!

well of COURSE she didnt SEEM like that! she was in the middle of a very long-term relationship!

and this is how I like women the best. not when they are Single Sluts.

when they are single, they are short-term relationship SLUTS. NO THANK YOU.

how about waiting 3 months before fooking a guy, ya single sluts?

because sluts are good for only one thing, and its not DATING!

so many people have tattoos now, including dumb women, that it takes a REAL badass to NOT have any tattoos!

be like, hahaha loser idiot, i don’t have something stupid and gay permanently inked on to my body! sucks to be you!

i mean, it’s really not my place to judge a person…..but when I am essentially auditioning people to be my wife and mother of my children, then yes I am sort of entitled to judge them, hahahaha.

the standards are a bit more lax for my friends. I have had male friends who have had tattoos or who indulged in degenerate sex with sluts.  i assume they grew out of these youthful phases eventually. well i mean you can’t erase dumb tattoos. you can do super expensive tattoo removal though.

tattoos. jeez. talk about a great SIGNAL eh. signaling, I am a stupid slut who you absolutely don’t want for a wife and mother of your children.

well some people on TRS (ie, decent people who have good values and whom i trust) tell personal anecdotes of they got married to a single mother and it worked out all right. she is a good woman who just made a mistake when she was young and had a baby with a deadbeat asshole. she has been agood wife to me and we had 3 kids of our own and the other kid loves me.

I’m not saying it doesn’t happen. im just saying its a big risk because 50% of the time you’re gonna get a psycho bitch hahahaha.

well isn’t that just the same as all women in general? 50% of them being shit?

well how many women who have had 900000 abortions are shitty? only 50%? hahahaha

you see what I am getting at here. as a group, single mothers are less desirable than women without children. just like women who have never had abortions are more desirable than women who have had abortions. 25 year old women are more desirable than 35 year old women.

measuring out 16 grams of peanuts to make 96 calories. it is a tiny little handful which you could easily eat all in one gulp. then know you can only eat 14-15 small handfuls of peanuts all day and that is the amount you are supposed to eat hahaha.

having secs with a guy before 3 months means you dont take your role as LIfe Creator seriously and that you dont take human life seriously and would probably get an abortion. or ruin your husband’s life without a second thought, and feel no guilt. to be a life-destroying sociopath.

sex before 3 months is an indicator of evil, murderous sociopathy!

THIS is why I don’t like women. hahahahaha.

and it takes a SPECIAL women for me to respect and like her. and I found her. until it ended so badly wawawawawa.

yeah well i just liked her because women seem like nice decent people when they are in long term rels. and then they seem like stupid evil crazy whores when they are single. therefore i should avoid single women and only try to date married women. make them cheat on their husbands hahahaha. obviously this is shitty.

I should have just stayed away from her at the very beginning. because she had a longterm bf. and WHAT KIND OF WOMAN goes making new male friends when she has a longterm BF? would I want my “GF” or wife doing that? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!!! but that makes me controlling and jealous. because I dont want my wife to have male friends. SHE SHOULDNT WANT MALE FRIENDS. If I were married, I wouldnt want female friends!!!!!!!!

well its DIFFERENT with women and male friends. women cant just have female friends because EVERYONE KNOWS women dont make good friends but men do.

so why do the women have male friends? because their boifrans are the stone cold men of steel that they luv and who fook them hard, but they just dont listen or talk or show them any interest, so they get that from their male friends?

yep you got it!

so you’re saying women need at least two men?

yupppppp!!!

why can’t they just pick one man who does both things?

because that man isn’t SEXY!!!!!!

but for men, they will certainly be happy with just one woman! the one same women to provide the Secs, as well as to provide the LUV.

why do women separate Secs and Luv so much that they need SEPARATE MEN to provide EACH????!?!?!?!?!?!?!

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!!!!! DEGENERATE!!!!!!

women werent ALWAYS like this!! so therefore its not necessarily female nature. this has been brainwashed into women by da j00z, and it can be brainwashed OUT of women by Us Huhwytes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i dunno. even when i was really close with that woman, we never had a real in depth discussion about Sexual Morality. I knew she didnt like sluts and she didnt like cheaters……..but how low of a bar is that? cant I do a little bit better than THAT???? No not really, because just look at me hahahahaha. huge loser omega male. neet virgin.

never had an in depth discussion of if she had casual sex, or how pro life she is, or if she really understood the power of her own uterus.

I have never not been nervous when doing a secsual thing with a woman, and I would PREFER a WOMAN who gets NERVOUS about secs too. you SHOULD BE NERVOUS.

A woman who doesnt get NERVOUS about sex, has had TOO MUCH SEX. Pump and Dump ONLY. Replace with a more moral, life-respecting woman, rather than a goddam murderous nihilist sociopath!

50% of all people arent worthy of the responsibility to create life!

for a long term relationship, men look for women who would be good mothers.

for a long term relationship, women should look for men who would be good FATHERS.

this just makes SENSE. basically our main goal is to CREATE LIFE. and our ideal partner to create that life with, is someone who presents themself as a potential good mother or good father. because to be mothers and fathers is what we were put on this earth to do.

go to church. everything just seems very cramped and crammed where I usually sit. i dont like people sitting right in front or right behind me. its all just too close.

this weird albanian or greek or some kind of foreign old man sits directly behind me, as he has done several times. he spends the whole mass making sucking and slurping noises, like he is sucking his teeth. it is very annoying. when he is not doing this he is muttering or whispering something the whole time. i dont know if he is saying prayers in his native language or what.

then I thank GOD I am not as weird and senile as him. nonetheless its very annoying to hear him slurping and smacking and whispering for a whole hour. i had the urge to spin around and punch him in the face hahahaha.  i was distracted by this extremely autistic, extremely skinny young man sitting to the left of me. now that guy was WEIRD. he will NEVER get a gf or become a father. Pretty sure the weird old annoying man behind me has children, I think I’ve seen his ugly son and his hyperactive grandson with him sometimes, hahahaha.

so how come women have babies with men who would not be good fathers?

because theyre NOT THINKING. they just go and play the life creation game with any sexy man, because they FORGET that sex creates life. then they get stuck with an oops baby and the deadbeat runs off.

so I thanked GOD I wasnt as weird and pathetic as these people. maybe I can reproduce with an average woman. MY problem is, I WANT above average. but I am below average hehehe.

like That Woman. She was well above average. somewhere in the top 50%, if not top 35%. out of my league. I need someone more at the 65% percentile. or maybe 35% percentile is what I mean. meaning, 65% of women are Better than this woman, hahahaha. just like 65% of men are better than me, hahahaha. in the mating game at least.

what do they do with the buckets of spit wine that the tasters spit out at wine tastings? just buckets mixed with 9000 different kinds of of spit backwash wine. I GUARANTEE you there are MILLIONS of homeless , desperate drunks who would be CLAMORING to drink this wine. now that’s desperation.

now im desperate and needy for a woman….but I wont go after an ugly 40 year old. I seem to still have some standards or self respect hahaha. I have self respect but no self confidence hahaha.

the top half of women are attractive, the bottom half are not. Being as I am not really an attractive man, I do not deserve an attractive woman. And she was an attractive woman. good looking, young, no children, nice and pleasant and kind and likeable and not obnoxious, bitchy, or slutty. she had a real pleasant attitude, which women don’t have any more, and i can tell you, western men are DESPERATE for this type of “feminine, ladylike” woman. she has the qualities that men are ordering mail order brides for. kind and caring and nice and sweet and motherly. you dont want to punch them in the face and scream YA STUPID WHORE at them for being so blatantly obnoxious and disgusting. she will have no trouble finding and keeping a man. now the onus is on her to find a good one, and not a badboy who will cheat on her or dump her. but that is her tragic flaw, she has a weakness for Badboys.

i just dont like thinking the best woman i will ever know has VEHEMENTLY rejected me in a way that says I am disgusting and horrible hahahaha. not a good confidence builder.  i would totally bang a young cute slut just to build my confidence but of course i should never date someone like that.

im also assmad that she will replace and forget about me, a LOT quicker and easier than I will replace and forget about HER.

How can she be THAT great, and how can I be so replaceable and forgettable?

honestly. i am not THAT lame and worthless! i honestly am pretty kewl if you give me a CHANCE!

and she was starting to give me a chance to really get to know me and show real interest and care for me, which is very rare for a woman to do for me!

so yeah I worry about how hard it will be to find someone who….wont necessarily REPLACE her, but wil be GOOD enough to make me FORGET about her, hahaha. someone new that I get along with really well.

someone i get along with really well, and is good looking enough for me to want to cuddle and make out with. this does not happen every year!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_march_(project_management)

being forced to work on a stupid failure of a project by stupid out of touch management

quite simply, i just don’t really LIKE any women. FORGET about like like, i’m just talking about like!

well thats not true, i enjoy this one woman I see at my weekly social event. because she is a good moral person, actually has a good sense of humor, is pleasant and nice, is very very low number and innocent.  unfortunately I have known her for about 4 years and have never been really close to her and I have never found her very attractive. somewhat stumpy and potatoey. she never went out with men because she was a low number prude. i liked that. eventually she got a BF and it became long term and serious and they will probably get married. good. anyway he is a good guy and I like him too. But I am not feeling like ooo damn should have made a move on her. dont feel any regrets there. I am just happy she found a decent man. not a badboy, but he does have masculine confidence and charisma. the perfect blend. really a good choice for her. anyway she is more successful than me anyway haha. makes more money.

Agile programming says real programmers dont write documentation? documentation is for idiots that need their hand held and arent real programmers.

i hate this shit. document document document not for your other programmers, but the lost souls who have to SUPPORT your shitty bug ridden nonsense software and actually have to talk to people. write documentation for THEM. they dont know how to code. they dont even know how to use your program.

really i just want to smoke MJ. especially when i am sad and lonely. or stressed out hhahaha.

shit. you know who is very afraid of abandonment? not normies! but people with BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.

shit. why CANT normies be afraid of abandonment???!?!?!?! abandonment SUCKS for anyone!

but i guess Borderlines are SO afraid of abandonment that they PUSH PEOPLE AWAY with their paranoid clinginess! and they get really clingy and obsessive, fall obessively in luv!

oh god that sounds like me.

well its not a pattern in ALL my relships. I dont do it with men.

also i never acted out against women really. i would be obsessed and clingy, but i kept it mostly to myself. like That Woman never knew how much I REALLY luved her. then she would have been REALLY scared hahahaha.

Rational Response: I never REALLY smothered women out of fear they would abandon me. I simply wanted her to hang out with me because I was concerned that she was avoiding hanging out with me. I wasnt texting her 100 times a day. At the height of texting, I was texting her once a day and took days off.

 

DIDNT EVEN TRY

108

it has been like 85 days since i was destroyed and today i feel meh i dunno of course angry and disappointed about that but also worried about muh future and how i threw it all away “simply” because i didnt want to work with her being a damn hateful B to me hahahaha.

LETTER PORTION:

yeah i know it sucks when somebody is annoying you, but couldnt you see where i was coming from? that i wanted to talk, to figure a problem out? sure i was about as mature as a 16 year old in handling this, but you were mature as a 2 year old hahahaha.

imagine when you first met [main bf] you started off as just friends. you became good friends over the course of 2 years. then you realized you liked him as more than a friend and wanted to have a more intimate rel with him. then imagine as soon as you realized that, he began pulling away from you more and more over the next 10 months. you would try to hang out with him and talk to him and send him signals, but he kept pulling away. but on the surface you would pretend to be friends which gave you hope that you would at least settle this someone. but it was incrasingly stressful and one day he stopped talking to you altogether. you knew there was tension but you didnt expect this. also imagine you both worked together at a job you absolutely despised and which made you really nervous. but he seemed to be ok with it. but that didnt help you any because he was distant from you and didnt really want to help you with the job, let alone be your friend and hang out with you like he used. you hadnt even hung out in 10 months. no hanging out, no dinners, no movies, no good talks. you could not take it much longer, it felt liek something was gonna break. you wrote him a letter expressing your desire to talk and resstablish a connection but he didnt do anything in response. and then imagine the nice relationship you had never existed, and ended before it began, with him suddenly dumping you and getting really mad at you, when all you really wanted to do was have an honest serious talk with him about how you liked him a lot. the end.

can you see how that would be pretty bad for you?

i was also angry at how you NEVER EVEN TRIED. I may have tried in a ridiculous way, but i tried. you did not seem to try at all. even if you had just told me “im trying” that would have been better. or saying “i really want to try”. but that would involve talking to me hahaha ok thats angry. i am sort of angry at you. i wasnt perfect but neither were you, and you really disappointed me, i think you could have tried a lot more, i thought you cared about me more, so yes i am angry about that. i will get over it but it takes time. im getting over it slowly and forgiving you slowly and letting go slowly but one day it will be 100%.

 

 

////// END LETTER PORTION

yeah going on linkedin is rarely a good idea because you see how successful everyone is. making a good living, doing jobs at like age 23 that you could never get hired into at age 30, making new connections every week, looking and doing professional things, moving from job to job with no gaps.

also there i can still stalk the female. she is not active at all, in fact i was her one and only connection, and since i dropped that on my initiation, she now has had 0 connections ever since i did that. so naturally whenever i go on linkedin i look to see if shes updated her profile, made any more connections, etc.  i suppose its inevitable. i mean anyone whos anyone is on linkedin. if you want to be a responsible middle working class adult and make more than 15 DAH, you have to be on linkedin or youre fooked.

but i saw some weird stuff, like people who went to undergrad at the same prestigious top 30 university in the world as did I, and rather than go to Harvard Law or Stanford PhD or UPenn MBA, they did a masters degree in something kinda useless at a second or third tier uni (no, not an online thing, that would be like 5th tier!) and of course are now not working in that field whatsoever, because jobs dont even exist for it. but rather than complain and whining and freaking out, they just Suck It Up and work their client manager job or whatever and make 17 DAH hahahaha.

yesterday i worried a bit o she dumped me because i pushed her because i was too passive aggressive to her.

then i realized how ridiculous i sounded. i was PA to her???? she was EVEN MORE PA to ME!!!!!!!!!!

but thats just because i was PA to her, so i forced her to be PA right back. every action has equal and opposite reaction.

ok well this reaction was NOT equal in magnitude, it was WAY out of proportion. and way more PA.

i was like wanna hang out wanna hang out, she was like not right now but later, then i never want to talk to you again hahahaha.

again none of this is spectacular, 1000000000s of other people have experienced same thing.

BUT it IS different, cuz we were friends for 2 years before all this, so yeah i think that entitles me to more respect, more of a chance to talk, being treated better, from being a person in her life that she knew and liked.  so show me some god damn sympathy when you Have To Let Go of me at least.

EVERY job is not going to train you properly. EVERY job is gonna throw you to the wolves. so you “JUST” have to ask questions when you can, when they dont make you feel like an idiot who doesnt belong there, and or fake your way through it and hope you get away with it. then if you get caught, say oh well i thought thats the way it was done, and i had to act quickly to service the customer. SORRY WONT HAPPEN AGAIN.

cuz youd really like to say, TRAIN PEOPLE BETTER, but you cant say that, because they never will, why would they.

this is why CONFIDENCE and BALLS OF STEEL are needed in EVERY job, and i just dont have those things wawaawaawawawawaw.

figure it out or YA FIRED.

people try their best but they Just Dont Get It Fast Enough…..and theyre fired for it.

its not enough to be smart and capable……you have to be FAST.

this is why i failed at every job ever hahahahahah.

no thats just not true, that is a Cognitive Distortion. i actually did GOOD (“Well” i know is the correct word, but i have to be a chameleon and adjust my Language to the people around me, do they speak Working Class or do they speak Middle Class hahahahahaha) plus my sympathies are more with the Underdog Working Class, than the Soft Degenerate Nihilistic Faggot Sissy Middle Class.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mennonites_in_Mexico

i dont know how i ended up here. possibly by researching enclaves and exclaves. yeah. stuff like the “northwest angle” in minnesota.

staring at google maps again. channel tunnel, weird shit by bhutan, india, nepal, tibet, pakistan, northeast poland, lithuania, kaliningrad, bialystok, crimea, bla bla bla.

was i to blame here? did i CAUSE this? i always lose sight of the fact she probably would ahve rejected me ANYWAY even if both our Conflict Resolution skills were not shitty!

she did this because she was extremely annoyed at me, and when you get extremely annoyed at someone, you just want to be done with them completely.

when was the last time i was extremely annoyed with someone? well kinda right now, with her. but i dont want to be done with her! really i cant say. some male acquaintances, people that were never really FRIENDS. i never really liekd them to begin with!

yeah i never had a similar situtaion, namely a female friend falling in luv with ME and me being like ehhhhhh i dont think so.

but i like to think i would have treated them better. every other time somebody annoyed me, it was really different. one guy i disagreed with for being a soulless autistic nihilist annoying sperg; another guy annoyed me because he was weird and narcissistic and overbearingly homoerotic and weird and bipolar and almost borderline.

i was none of these things to her. i was just gently pushing her to hang out.

i wasnt even really passive aggressive in that, other than i was not directly stating “lets hang out, because i want to talk about how im in love with you.” it was just lets hang out sometime, or wanna hang out ths weekend, or wanna go see this movie with me, or wanna go to this restaurant with me ill buy, wanna go to the park with me this weekend, etc etc.

and if on friday she said something like “see you on MONDAY” which she started doing, that was her hint that she didnt want to hang out on the weekend.  of course i got tired of that and would say in response to that “what u doing this weekend”. and she would say doing something with her family. which is a lot better than hanging out with Guys and partying. or im always hanging out with my other friends and i never want to hang out with you.

but yeah i was careful about not being too pushy so i would only ask to hang out once every two weeks. and get some sort of nonanswer like the above.

prettty clear signals right? yeah but i was in denial because she used to be my friend and we used to hang out and sometimes she even asked ME to hang out!!!!!!!! she wasnt some gurl i had met 2 months ago who i developed an infatuation with but had never hung out with even once!!!!!!

she got mad and snapped at me because i would visit her sometimes when i was on Break or on Lunch or when i was leaving, just to small talk for 2 minutes. me doing that was too much for her.

what do you do when someone’s boundaries are unreasonable? like they have 1000000000000000000 boundaries that make dealing with them a MINEFIELD? walking on eggshells, etc.

so do you say some of those boundaries are not valid? i thought all boundaries were valid. no at that point they need to learn they are being unreasonable, so they need to Go To Therapy hahahahahaha. she needs a shrink.

these women dont need a MAN, they dont need a BABY, they need a SHRINK to help them deal with the fact that they didnt have a good family hahahahaha.

course i had a good family and i still turned out a screwup hahahaha. cant get a job, cant get a woman, the only accomplishment ive done in my life is get a worthless stupid Bachelors Degree. Arts of COURSE hahahaha.

hehehe being anxious and weird is employability kryptonite. you HAVE to be a confident extravert normalfag with confidence and gurlfrans and interests. blogging about being a loser and heartbreak and being an r9k neet virgin does not count!

some people say that a loving wife gives them moral and emotional support and generally makes life seem a lot easier because who cares if you are trying to do confusing shit for angry customers all day when you have the luv of your life waiting at home to cuddle you and make you strong again. and not dump you for being weak and vulnerable, but strengthen and help you turn your weakness into strength by cuddling with them for an hour and them telling you you can do it, i luv, ill always be here for you to make things better after a shitty day. and we can cuddle and smoke MJ sometimes and watch tv and movies and go for walks and hold hands and make out and then have luving tender monogamous oxytocinsecs hahahahaha.

i will never know the inner workings of her mind. i do know that she was saying “NO” to me. was she saying, yes, no, or maybe?

she was certainly not saying yes.

i try to delude myself that she was saying “maybe, just not right now, give me more time and space.” if thats what she were REALLY saying, she would have SAID it, she would NOT have

  1. cut me off completely
  2. never responded to anything
  3. unfriend AND block me

she would have said “ill respond to you some day” when i said “please respond please respond please respond”. not nothing.

similar to the “anything thats not a yes is a no” idea.

what would a trusted friend say to me?

“yep its rough but the best thing here is just to move on. shes probably not gonna change her mind, and you contacting her every 6 months is not good for you. it sucks to get your heart broke, but shes not gonna change her mind.”

i had some kraft ranch dressing. it was ok but idk lol. it seemed weird lol so i dumped it. no it was technically past its best by date and like 80% gone so i got some “hidden valley” ranch. see if thats any better.

yeah it was. i think the kraft was too thick. i want it a little Runnier hahahaha.

google good job for depressed person hahahahahahahaha

nothing. because unconfident, anxious, weird, angry, introverted, shy, pessimistic, confused people dont deserve a job.

but everybodys gotta have a job to get ANY respect.

but if you are a single mom waitress, youre not gonna get any respect anyway, because no one appreciates how hard your job is, plus you are a whore in your personal life. take a different dick every night and let badbois molest your children. but damn do they do a good job taking care of 20 tables, multitasking. i could never do that.

but yeah my big worry now is, I WILL NEVER FIND A BETTER WOMAN. THIS IS THE BEST I WILL EVER DO. ITS ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE. i will have to settle for someone not as good as here, therefore i will always be comparing women to her, and basically always fooking thinking of HER for the rest of my life. i go and bang some 35 year old single mom skank years from now and think o god i wish i was with HERRRRRRRR instead!

yeah i know i thought that BEFORE and i ALWAYS found a better woman, but this time is different, because i’m OLD AS SHIT now! I’ve since turned the corner! i wont be able to get 25 year old gurls to hang out with me any more AT ALL!!!!!!! so its only 35 year old + single momz with fupas and tattoos and shitty hair and shitty skin from here on out! post wall women! whcih is all i am worth as a 35 year old loser who only makes 10 DAH for 30 hours a week!

who only makes 300 dollars a week, 1200 a month, 14400 a year! who makes LESS THAN 15K A YEAR!!!!! at age 35, 40, 45, 50!!! cuz he never had any ambition or drive! the most he ever achieved was a BA degree hahahaha. he had POTENTIAL at age 20, thats why he pulled some cute gurls briefly around age 20. but by age 30 and no potential realized, no women for you hahahahaha.

yeah its hard to respect Single Mothers because You Get To PICK your man. you get to PICK the father of your children. and you PICK a maniac or deadbeat and have CHILDREN with him. how can you make that big of a mistake so casually? and you look around you and all the women in their 20s, if they are not Professional Middle Class women getting Careers and Abortions and Cocks, they are Working Class women with tattoos and Bastard Babies! believe me i would LOVE To find a Happy Medium!

and i thought i did. a working class gurl who exercised Discretion and Restraint and had no tattoos and who was Different hahahaha.

just because you find a Gurl Whos Different, doesnt mean that things will work out differently!

i have to remind myself of “Woman 5”, who I dropped from the “Woman” lineup because i decided i wasnt really in luv with her because i didnt get my Heart Broke by her, or she was markedly in the Second String of Memorable INfatuations. anyway i think things could have turned out ok with me and her if we ever lived in the same town and could hang out regularly.

then we could hang out one on one and she could eeventually reject me in the worst way hahahaha.

well with her, i knew RIGHT AWAY that i kinda was Interested in her, plus she didnt have a 4 year BF when i met her. so yeah that situation was entirely different.

some say “depressed” aka DESPAIRING people tend to Ruminate more , make a mountain out of a molehill, blame themselves for tiny things that normies would have forgotten about long ago. therefore a hard Breakup is even harder for A Despairer.

stefan molyneux is a hyper energy filled extravert normalfag who has worked 10000000 jobs in his life including a waiter. i am kinda jealous of this. maybe i should just get a job as a waiter to prove ot myself i could do it. hahahaha. well what i did was KINDA LIKE being a waiter. and a cook all at once. people call you, have weird shit that you have to fix, you have no idea what they’re talking about, so you try to think on your feet, stay calm, and gather information very quickly, and carry out complex fookin procedures according to shitty articles and tier 2 bitches who treat you like shit. stupid shit, because you arent learning super confusing shit fast enough and have to suck their dick. then i say, im not stupid bitch, i got a bachelors degree from a top 30 university of the world hahahahahah. was it a useful degree? no? noone cares then, ya slow learning anxious moron. welcome to the real world bitch.

google how to bullshit

http://wallstreetinsanity.com/how-to-bullshit-your-way-through-anything/

written by a millennial listicle clickbait WOMAN but still some good points, like say “ive got this under control” and never ask for help and use fake statistics and sources. but the trouble is coming up with those on the spot.

http://www.collegetimes.com/college-life/how-to-bullshit-your-way-through-life/43642

http://www.practicalhacks.com/2009/09/10/twenty-something-job-seeker-how-to-dramatically-increase-your-chances-of-getting-the-job/

tfw you are no longer a twenty something job seeker because you never got a decent job during your twenties hahahahahah and just failed and underachieved from age 20 to 29…..and beyond!

http://www.livingwithballs.com/bullshit-job-interview-questions-and-answers/

did another 4.2 miler. i would like to do at least 10 miles a day hahahaha. that might result in SOME weight loss, and also i think i have a lot of negative emotions that need to get out. i need to do TONNES of writing, and appropriate good writing at that, and tonnes of Walking/jogging. its EASIER to walk/jog cuz theres no WRONG way to do it! its ALL good! so better to walk than to write.

when i write its just negative thoughts all the time. and that is all DESPAIR IS.

if you are writing despairing negative thoughts, as i often do, STOP and go out an WALK for at LEAST 4 miles. ideally 5. i was thinking i could go for at least another hour today but it was getting dark. and then i thought well i will sign up for planet fatness for 10 dollars a month during the winter so i can walk 10 miles a day during the WINTER…..which is of course when we all gain weight and get super despairing.

so i actually felt GOOD about that idea. so i Sat With My Feelings. I Felt My Feelings hahahahahaha.

but one way to look at it is….I TRIED. She didnt TRY at all.

i cant blame her for not having feelings for me. but i can blame her for the way she ended the rel. the worst possible way. but i will forgive her eventually. but i still want her back. all women are bitches and whores. disgusting. maybe if i start abusing them they will stop dumping me and think ima  real man hahaha.

i heard an interesting thing, a real abuser doesnt stop and worry if he’s an abuser. he just goes ahead and abuses. cuz sometimes i worry if i am actually an abuser. if i will one day abuse a women, or if my passive aggressive bullshit and jealousy could be considered abuse.

well jealousy might lead to abuse sometimes but it doesnt CAUSE it if that makes sense. i think jealousy is awesome. you should never be ashamed of being jealous. bitches get jealous all the time when its guys they are really into. cant say i have ever had women get jealous over ME. that would be nice hahahaha.