WHAT GOOD DOES IT DO ME?

dec 3

https://www.youtube dot com/watch?v=C2hOJR0hIBY

this “woman” looks like a man, and should not be wearing something so unflattering, and looks part nonwhite, BUT she is appearing on redice, who are Legit Vetted Good Goys and worthy of support, talking about the evils and degeneracy of Jooish Pornography, so thats pretty cool. i just saw this, have not listened yet.

but with a great name like “PORNOGRAPHY: WEAPONIZED DEGENERACY” I got a DOUBLE BONER and downloaded it IMMEDIATELY for listening very soon on a powerwalk! they just should not have put “her” wearing that in the thumbnail. jeez she is so ugly in that picture it undermines all of our credibility hahahahaha. still anything about PORNOGRAPHY: WEAPONIZED DEGENERACY HAS to be a good talk, good lesson, good message.

 

really you should listen to the three hour mix three times a day hahahahahahaha

when we were young, once in a great while we would find a song that was so mind blowingly awesome that we made a “mix cd” of that one song on repeat for 74 minutes.  this one would definitely qualify! although I was not aware of it at that time unfort. Oh I knew about the movie but had no interest in it and had no knowledge of the music.

here is one of those songs hehehe. for some reason we gravitated to ridiculous 80s style “cock rock.”

i am shilling for red ice today. now i dont like how this guest woman dresses like a HOOKER with the eye makeup and earrings and showing the tits, but uh i will try to listen to this one as well. but yeah even though henrik and lana are All Right, sometimes they do have weirdass guests who are jooish or antiwhite hahahaha so just because somebody is ON red ice doesnt mean they are automatically good.

but yeah what red ice is doing, creating their own alt right, pro white media platform/network, is exactly what whites need to do. create a white, joo-free media. our own news, our own tv and radio, and of course podcasts are a great part of this, and its already happening, THANK GOD.

yeah i know red ice did weird alex jones conspiracy shit years ago, but i forgive them hahahaha.

henrik and lana just need to have 3+ children and hire some white men to do red ice.

i would become a sustaining member of red ice but their prices are too damn high hahahahaha.

65 euros a YEAR?  that is like 66 dollars a year. i would maybe do 20.

i mean they DESERVE it, i just cant/dont want to dnate that much!

i mean its more for ME than THEM, so i can FEEL GOOD about myself, and really i need all of THAT i can get!

there is this catholic church sorta near me that is geared towards polish people, and i hear that polish catholics are some of the most hardcore Based Catholics hahahaha. they are proud of their polish blood and dont have open arms for a bunch of screaming asians and mestizos and browns and arabs which you see in many cath churches. plus i have some polish blood and love poles. love them. would love a nice polish gurl for a qt 3.1488 waifu. poland is definitely a top tier european country.

problem is this place doesnt just have one polish mass a week, they have nothing BUT polish mass and EVERYTHING is in polish, church website, church bulletin/newsletter.

actually this is not a problem at all, this is a fookin BENEFIT. cuz it means they are traditional and old school as fook.

so i could just go there and be like

¯\_ツ_/¯   ¯\_ツ_/¯     ¯\_ツ_/¯     ¯\_ツ_/¯     ¯\_ツ_/¯       ¯\_ツ_/¯      ¯\_ツ_/¯

and say dzien dobry, jak sie maz (????), sto lat, dzienkuje, boze dobry, boze dobrze rzarzarzarza, ja nie movi polakiu, and then they would say oh look hes trying, how nice, then they could hook me up with their 19 year old virgin daughter who could teach me polakiu hahahaha and i could put babies in her for 14k a year hahahahaha.

sheeeeeeit those women are TOO GOOD for me!

乁(⏓ ͜つ⏓)ㄏ

2016-12-03-20_36_03-cardamom-0-02_0-04-no-limit-holdem-replay-13464295

this fookin guy makes a huge raise when he flops a pair of 8s. glad i agressively went all in instead of thinking he had AA and folding! or 88 or 66 or 22 hehehe.

no thats not 7 dollars and 45 cents, thats .00745 btc, which is…. 5 dollars and 71 cents. YIKES. well the price of BTC has gone up pretty steadily since i started playing this shit like 2 years ago.

so yeah if i had any BALLS like a REAL MAN i would have gone to this polish church 11 fookin years ago!!!!!!!

fooking reddit relships and their different secs BEST FRIENDS. you shouldnt have a BEST FRIEND who is the opposite sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and IM the weirdo and sexist and hateful racist violent trump supporter for thinking this!!!!!!!

or IM weird because i think open relationships are shitty and bad. im being too judgmental and intolerant of peoples valid choice.

well to be fair, reddit says that MOST people

dec 4

 

i am gradually warming up to emily youcis. normally i am very very very very suspicious of women in the movement, but she doesnt seem TOO bad. plus i immediately get more sympathy for the women once they LOSE something like their job or their freedumz. and so she was recently fired by k1ke company aramark (i applied for office clerk job there, no response hahaha) after working for 7 years selling pistachios at the baseball stadium. fired for “social media” reasons.

yeah i mean maybe this was part of her plan and she’s prob not gonna go homeless or sucking dick for a place to stay (not that most women dont already do that anyway hahahahahahahahahaha)

anyway. so i am always judging women for being hookers and sluts and wh0res and promiscuous and degenerate, but in the end, do those things really impact me directly? why do i hate sluts so much? that woman wasn’t a slut! she hurt me through ways that did not involve sluttiness AT ALL!

yeah well in the PAST ive def been hurt by women who were into the slutty casual sex mindframe. also i just find it very distasteful and immoral and degen and a sign of the cultural and spiritual degen which we must fix in our people. and yes it represents something i WANT but cant seem to get, which is given away so freely to Everyone Else but I am fundamentally broken and unable to obtain.

and also i am judgmental against the things that that woman DID do, like avoiding shit like a coward, i dont like that either hahaha.

ok well here’s a good point: at least i never really became a beta orbiter friendzone!!! or if i did, it ended pretty damn quickly!

it kind of proves that i basically will not LET MYSELF become a pathetic supplicating beta orbiter. i eventually have to rip the bandaid off and be like, here’s the obvious truth which i can’t believe you’re not seeing. I CANT GO ON THIS WAY hahahaha.

going to church on sunday today instead of saturday. going to church that is probably better than the one i usu go to. less cucky and marxist and antitrvmp and leftwing. less cucking for DIVERSITY and UNITY and VIBRANCY and all that shit. shit no wonder that church is full of weird asians and this other church seems to have more whites. shit why dont i just go to this other church regularly. or go to that damn polish church. IT DOESNT MATTER that i dont speak polish. i could learn and besides them speaking polish is a YUGGGGGGGGGGGE value add!!!!!!! its a GREAT thing!

yep starting new 13k job tomorrow. kind of a big deal. nervous. dont want to screw it up. dont want to look like a WEIRD IDIOT. just want to do a good job. not just a good job, but a GREAT job and really impress everyone.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit i should have been getting BOOKS related to my NEW FIELD the instant i knew i was hired, and devouring those books to get a good frame of reference, big picture view, maybe some small picture view too, reading the books The Director reads for his PhD, which is of course related to his masters degree and what he does now, The Department, what books are most relevant to this job and this department, thought leaders, bla bla. i quickly bought a book right now so that i could say i at least placed my order for the book before i started the job hahahaha but why i didnt do this 2 weeks ago so i could have had the books and started reading them by now…….hmm maybe i am not serious about making 13k a year with no benefits, maybe WALMART would be a better fit with my career skills.

dumped because he couldnt read the gurls stupid mind. i GUESS shes ENTITLED to dump him for whatever stupid reason she wants, but when the reason is THAT stupid, just candy coat it and dont GIVE an exact reason. i mean thats just a BAD REASON. just say I’m not compatible with you. it’s not you its me. that would be better than saying some stupid ass shit like that.

hehe i made the mistake of initially assuming the “best friend” OP of the gurl was another gurl. hehehe. sounds like he is deeply in luv with her and is in complete denial. but not looking at that, she still should not be Ghosting her friends.

i mean this guy is cringey and beta orbiter AF, and theres a very important lesson to learn there, but she still shouldnt be Ghosting him like a coward, throwing away 3 years of friendship, and getting her new bf to laugh at him and call him pathetic (which he is.)

dont be like this pvssy phaggot. but at least he is getting a CS degree so he might be making 30k a year by age 22. that is a pretty good move.  i mean its still risky because i worked with CS grads doing the exact same phone bullshit as me.

bonus points for OP having mad anxiety and panic attacks that feel like heart attacks and he is so confused hhahaha.

better when you are 21 than 31!

then reddit shreds this kid for being a sexist, creepy niceguy, which he kind of IS, but this ISNT the way to deal with that. you have to show some sympathy for these poor sad bastards. theyre not the bad horrible people you think they are !!!!!!!!

he doesnt need to “RESPECT” her wishes because they’re not respectable. just use the word ACCEPT. ACCEPT her stupid, unrespectable wishes, and let her get fooked by chad. the end.

grieve and have legitimate suffering because your friend of 3 years didnt give a DAMN about you as a human being. i feel your pain man. that sucks. this is the sympathy he’s not getting ANY of and he should.

anyway. i wish you COULD be Just Friends with a woman before Dating and Fooking and Relshiping them, because unless I am Friends with a Woman, i really just dont LIKE them. the way they approach Relships is degenerate and infuriating. I just dont like it. rustles the shit out of me.

I wish you COULD get to know a woman as a friend, be like this is a really good person and i like them, maybe I can try a deeper rel with them, i think they would make a decent GF or wife. i wonder if she will be willing to try that.

NOPE. NEVER WILL. thats what the friendzone is hahahaha. if you dont fook her like a n1993r within 2 days of meeting her, you dont have a chance with making her your GF or wife.

i just hate how the J’s are dumbing us down and jooing us down and morally corrupting us all down into n1993rs.

If you don’t like the word n1993rs, just call em animals. they are turning us all into filthy, dumb, dirty, disgusting ANIMALS.

I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!!!! I AM A HUMAN BEING!!!!!

anyway yeah this reddit niceguy hate is just way out of line. niceguys arent THAT bad. have some damn SYMPATHY for them. save some of that judgment for the women, who in many cases are being huge bitches to the niceguys.

but yeah this guy needs to stay away from this gurl, and there needs to be more blame directed at HER.

when you are begging and bribing somebody to hang out with you. it IS pathetic tho! but its SAD. he doesnt even REALIZE hes in LUV with her. at least I REALIZED that. and i STOPPED contacting her eventually. let her run off and fook animals.

and yeah it would help that guy to go to a shrink, but good lord dont tell him you are SUPER FOOKED UP and must see a shrink NOW if you have any chance of not being a horrible person. they hate these nice guys almost as much as they hate TRVMP or WHITE PEOPLE.

i was thinking in an ideal world, i would just get a dr to prescribe me Medical MJ for Despair and Anxiety, just like getting an RX for Citalopram and Valium. Which I have already gotten RX’s for.

so in an ideal world, despair and anxiety would be legal medical Qualified Conditions for MMJ.  but they arent.

anyway i was thinking, go to semi shady MMJ doctor and be like listen, so i dont have cancer or back pain like most of the people, but i dont want to bullshit you and say i have CARPAL TUNNEL pain when i really dont, but here’s something I REALLY DO HAVE, and have taken RX’s for YEARS to PROVE it, i know they arent TECHNICALLY conditions, but…..hey i’ll buy ya dinner right now, you’re pretty hungry from writing recommendations all day arent ya goy? bubby?

the thing is, i could say that my TREATMENT for OTHER CONDITIONS causes SPASMS, and then i could get MMJ for that. yeah but it doesnt. but i think citalopram causes spasms for some people hahahahaha.

basically the TREATMENT for something Unqualifying, gives me a Backdoor into Qualifying.

but not really, because this treatment doesnt cause spasms or severe pain!

https://www.reddit.com/r/altright/comments/5e7rbu/emily_youcis_animator_of_alfred_alfer_ama/

meh i guess i will approve of emily, she seems to be sincere. hope her animation bcomes less degenerate and she seems to be aware that by joining the alt right and becoming pro white, you kinda HAVE to hold yourself to a higher moral standard and actively purge the degeneracy from your own life.

but she’s only been into this for less than 6 months! i have been into this for like 6 years!!!!!!!

heh i dont really care as long as she is sincere and doesnt stop being pro white. she talks about losing friends and such and purging people. this is good.  purge the dead weight and bad influences from your life. Traditional Morality will alienate you from degenerate animalistic losers. you dont want them to be your friends anyway.

fine i will HUHWHYTE KNIGHT for emily even though shes probably taken MILES AND MILES of dick, prob even nonwhite (no real proof.) but i am willing to forgive, if there is TRUE repentance.

well i dont really like these super big bewbs gurls plus she will probably start to get very potato looking when she gets older. but at age 26 right now she is pretty qt, would hang out with hahahahahahahaha.

i mean better late than never amirite. im no saint myself. you know what they say, all saints have a past and all sinners have a future!

i went to this other church this morning and it was 100000000000000 times better than the one i usually go to. not only was it less boring and faster, there were a lot more whites, some qt young white women as well! i mean i already KNEW this for at LEAST a YEAR!!!!!

like the priest at my regular church, nice guy, good guy, but a pathetic cuck shitlib who is soooo shocked at the hate and racism and intolerance of the whitelash, and desperately wants to overcompensate and Reach Out to Mudslims to show them Not All White Christians are hateful rednecks.

whereas at the other church, no mention of this stuff, just a bunch of happy white people, including many under-40’s.

all the whites at my usual church are well over 40 hehehehe. plenty of nonwhites.

shit. starting NEW JOB tomorrow. have been doing laundry. planning on bringing 1 dozen donuts tom morning. ask people about their families. ask about what are good books for me to read about this field. i am already reading bla bla by bla bla. here’s some donuts. do you guys drink coffee? i can bring in some folgers, i have some extra folgers at home. sorry its not top shelf, but i can bring in a little top shelf closer to xmas. heres some donuts in the meantime. how many kids u got. where are they going to college? tell me about your graduate program. what do you think about the 14 words hahahaha. so how about that election hahahahaha.

can i take a tough phone call right now? what are the toughest problems you get in here from your “customers”? whats the best way to bullshit them and give them the runaround and say it cant be fixed, it is what it is, you dont have to like it hahahahaha jk i know we go above and beyond for our clients wink wink nudge nudge amirite?

besides, everybody knows that when “it is what it is” just wont cut it, you have to bring out it is what it IS what it is what it is. then that fixes everything. that explains everything. that gets angry people to say OH NOW I GET IT, im so sorry for being such a huge bitch. now that i realise that it is what it IS what it is!!!!! see before, i was thinking it IS what it is.

mother fooking phaggot cvntz hahahaha.

i was thinking i dont DESERVE a woman Without A Past, because IIIIII have a past myself!!!!!!!!!!!

ok fine, but i DO insist the woman is TRULY REPENTANT of her degenerate past! says I am ashamed of my past, i never want to have another abortion, or fook another nonwhite, or have any more casual sex!!!!!! its disgusting and here’s why! I REGRET doing all that.

rather than someone that says oh that makes me who i am, i’m not ashamed, i have no regrets.

GOOD PEOPLE HAVE REGRETS.

shit I have tons of regrets, tons of shame, tons of remorse and repentance for all the degenerate animal shit IVE done. so I DO want THAT much from muh formerly degenerate waifu hahahaha.

if you dont have regrets, I DONT WANT TO KNOW YOU hehehehe.

the bad shit youve done SHOULD be regretted.

muh dbt book says to try not to be judgmental. notice all the times you make a judgment throughout the day, bad OR good, and just let them float away like leaves on a stream.  just observe stuff mindfully and without judgment.

this struck me as kinda weird. i can see trying to stop your bad judgments, but the good ones too?

i mean i make 148800000000000000000000000000000000000000000 negative judgments a day. every damn person i see i judge them. i was sitting in church watching the nice white people coming back from communion and i was judging each and every one of them harshy: fatty. f4ggot. dirty dago. ugly. fat slob. pig. dog. disgusting animal. sissy. nice haircut phaggot. nice manbun phaggot. nice potato shaped body. your kids are brats. your wife is a slut. you have dyed hair, you must be a slut. how many cox you take. how many black guys. how many abortions. wow, fat AND a smoker, youre in great health, you no self discipline weakling.

i mean its truly ridiculous how many negative judgments i make about people, many many many times a day. so YEAH i AGREE, trying to be conscious of that and not doing that would be a GREAT step for me.

really i am nowhere NEAR as HATEFUL and judgmental when i am with actual real people. i always think the best of them.

but from a distance, when i am alone just thinking of people in the abstract, or people watching people from a distance, god damn, its a hugeass hatefest!!!!!!

no not violent hate, but still very bitter butthurt negative pessimistic cynical recrimination!

and WHAT DOES IT GET ME?

HOW DO I BENEFIT?

WHAT GOOD DOES IT DO ME?????

NOTHING!

at a more moderate level, it would have been a natural response to people who have hurt me in the past with slutty or immature or fat or ugly or irresponsible behavior.

but the healthy way for me to do that is to say, ok, here are some red flags to watch out for, but im not gonna look for those red flags in EVERYBODY, and im sure not gonna get MAD about it if they havent done anything to ME.

but yeah. its like my automatic reaction to seeing a person, is to have a NEGATIVE JUDGMENT about them. this is not good!

fat, ugly, slut, phaggot, degenerate. usually one of those. douchebag, asshole, bitch, weirdo, autist, spazz, moron.

i cant stop judging people hahahahaha.

STILL, i INSIST that its worse for women to go out there and let themselves be used as pieces of sex meat, that it is for pathetic omega virgins to jerk off to jooish porn. because in one you have essentially two people hurting each other, in the other, you have one loser hurting himself.

but dont get me wrong, porn is horrible and i am ASHAMED and REGRETFUL that i ever looked at it. well, that i looked at it so MUCH.

and tbh, i was only a little above average i think for American Men Of My Generation. Many men are much, much worse. i was nowhere NEAR a Porn Addict.

hmm sorta watching this movie the lost weekend, i mean i had watched this intently a few years ago, and i think after i stopped drinking as well, and had gained some Understanding of the Baffling Cunning “Disease”, and i still found the movie disappointing and corny, and for some reason it seems better now.

i mean ive been on the straight and narrow path here for the last damn 7 years basically. no booze, a little bit of MJ though. not enough imho hahahahahahaha. gradually became more Alt Right, more JQ, less degen, more principled, just a better person hahaha. although unfort more of a virgin neet loser too hahahaha.

well its been up and down tho. ebb and flow.

was driving home and saw this fat guy and his fat wife in my neighborhood who are always sitting in their backyard smoking cigarettes and being fat, and i thought wow, fat and smoking, good choice buddy, and then i thought ok i shouldnt JUDGE him, he very well could be a very very very nice kind man, very courageous, very strong. nobody is perfect, me neither, and so he just happens to be a fat smoker. nobodys perfect and what if he’s very very nice.

how often do i need to bring in donuts? i dont want to more than once every 2 weeks.

you gotta ask the right questions. what if i ask the WRONG questions? what if i ask DUMB questions???!!?!

so show them i am smart by quoting Big Thought Leaders in this Education Related Field. I read some education books right? hehehe yes the only education books i read were “dumbing us down” by gatto and “the unschooling handbook” by some woman.

both very anti establishment sort of stuff. but which may be considered moer establishment in 2016.

i mean i really SHOULD be more interested in the Field of muh job. which all I will say it is SOMEWHAT education related.

so yeah i think education is bullshit ahhahahahahhahahahaha. all education should be handled by parents.

yeah well what about college level stuff. the job im doing COULD ACTUALLY BE LEGIT USEFUL to a HUHWHYTE NATION as regards “homeschooling” college/grad level material to Learners. It’s GOOD because it can put you into direct contact with Experts and Instructors while minimizing the JOOISH DEGEN (((((COLLEGE EXPERIENCE))))), i will just say that.

MINIMIZING IT!

so yeah this is actually a REALLY good position to be in and i shoul dbe  MOAR grateful!

maybe i should bring bagels instead of donuts? i mean i will actually eat bagels later if people dont eat them all. its easier to save and eat bagels later than donuts.

now you could still use this technology to deliver jooish marxist frankfurt skool degeneracy and mindkilling soulkilling poison into the brains of students, but again, its just a TOOL, that can be used for good OR for bad.

if it helps even one white neet get a good paying job one day, then its worth it.

so in a way, i am working in support of my Dream Career by Helping White Neets.  UP FROM NEETNESS.

well, if they are doing education, technically they are not a neet then hahahahahaha. well how about neets who are only involved in education, because its a LOT easier to go to college than to Get A Job. you just pay shitloads of money (take out loans) and go to some shitty school hahahaha.

honestly just go to your local community college. i PROMISE you its not THAT shitty. better than fookin DEVRY. talk about fookin SKYPES.

besides, to get a good job, you cant just have book knowledge and do good in online college courses. you have to be good with PEOPLE. CUSTOMERS. you have to have MAD CHARISMA and not be autistic!

so how do all these autists get jobs?

uhh the ones that dont get stem degrees from good colleges DONT! they become neets!

so would i feel more comfortable lying to the MMJ doctor about Carpal Tunnel or Back Pain, or Lying about getting Spasms from the meds i take for muh Severe Despair?

great now the poor beta orbiter kid who was in love with his female friend was bullycided into removing his post. because hes such a HORRIBLE PERSON. good lord they hate these pathetic niceguys more than they hate Raepists. seriously. right now he is probably blaming the shit out of himself for being such a horrible person. and he wont let himself grieve properly for a relationship that “didnt exist.” yeah well if he knew her for THREE YEARS it DID exist, no matter how close she felt to HIM, no matter what these degenerate bullies on /relships say.

THAT KID IS BACK ON THE ESCALATOR!

there is ANOTHER post about an opposite secs best friend at the top of the relships hotlist!

GUESS WHAT /R/RELSHIPS, WHEN YOUR “BEST FRIEND” IS THE OPPOSITE SECS, RIDICULOUS DRAMA ENSUES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i guess you can be “friends,” but to identify as “best friends”? HELL NO.

sheeeeeeeeeit tuff times buddy. im sure reddit will say he is a horrible person for thinking he is entitled to something.

yep sad shit man. well at least you can do your JOB and shit you got a NEW JOB within 8 months of getting heartbreakingly dumped! so id say youre doing pretty well. just work 80 hours a week at your new job and smoke MJ the rest of the time. use MJ to bribe tinder wh0res into nihilistic secs hahahaha.

did i get jealous because they were leaving me, or did they leave me because i was getting jealous?

i think i kept my jealousy under wraps PRETTY DAMN WELL until it became clear they were pulling away from me, talking to other guys, and then i’d say i had a PRETTY GOOD REASON to get jealous hehehehe.

so yeah i dont eer push women away because i am “THE JEALOUS TYPE.”

heres a good quote from this one:

”   [–]PaHoua 4 points 49 minutes ago
If you’re the one broken up with, it is very likely you’ll take much longer to move on than the dumper. That person has already been “mourning” the loss of the relationship for a long time and when they finally came to terms with it is when they decided to commit to the action of dumping you.
Think of it like the five steps of grief: 1. Denial; 2. Bargaining; 3. Anger; 4. Depression; 5. Acceptance.
When she reached Acceptance, you weren’t even aware of what was to come. Then she dumped you. You moved into Denial.
This happened to me. I moved back and forth between all of the stages until I got into Acceptance. He was dating within weeks and probably earlier, whereas I remained in between stages for a couple of years.
It takes as long as it takes. That’s all anyone can tell you.     ”

wow a woman saying something very reasonable hahahahaha

 

NOT EVEN MOST WOMEN ARE EVIL CHILDREN

nov 11

sheeeeeeeeeeeit LEONARD COHEN died. age 82. not sure what. he came out with that new song/album a few months ago. out of all the famous singers who died recently, LC is by far the one I liked the most. I was/am an actual literal serious LC FAN. I have seen LC live. TWICE! I have spent hours listening to and fully enjoying LC, respecting an admiring him. I know he was old and obviously wouldnt live forever, and his health seemed to be declining even with that. he did not have long in other words. and here it happened.

ive listened to him less the past few years, and have been trying to keep his JOOISHNESS in mind critically, but he was still prob muh fav JOO. and now that he is gone it would be a lot easier for me to push the button and send them all back to their homeland hahahaha.

i still think he was a good guy. i just didnt like that his profound songs, lyrics, philosophy had to be somehow TAINTED with jooishness.

i mean i dont think he was a typical antiwhite joo by any means.

he died on MONDAY and we only heard about it on THURSDAY? well thats more than fair. i would just hate for him to be pressured to make an anti trump statement during his last day of life hahahaha. who knows, he probably did before hahaha.

cant find cause of death. i mean it doesnt really matter, i just want to know if he secretly had CANCER like david bowie.

sheeeeeeeeit now i gotta listen to his latest album released 1 month ago. i heard one song from it and i didnt love it.

unfort i had a dream about That Woman last night so i am thinking about that.

also that she knows that I am a big cohen fan so when she hears about his death she will think of me unless she is just THAT dense, 50 50 chance there hahaha.

basically how can any big LC fan be a total betraying piece of shit? she would think if she was smart and mature, which she is not hahaha.

like LC, i have lived for years blaming myself for hurting and disappointing someone i luved, totally being a coward. this is kinda how LC viewed himself too. disappointed in himself for being a coward who hurt the people he luved. i totally know that feel.

anyway he captures that guilt and Vulnerability very well, all real fans know this.

anyway the dream: in the dream i finally received my long awaited Long Email from her. she actually never appeared in the dream, just the email.

the email was nice and long. but it did not have her name on it, and it was in my Spam folder, and I easily could have missed it because it was buried among 6000000 emails in my spam folder. (not realistic, i check and empty spam every day and there is never more than 4 emails in there due to how often i check it)

i read the email and while i was glad she was finally communicating with me, it was frustrating. i think she apologized for shutting down. but she spent a lot of time talking about her new bf. and how she had to go out and be young and stupid for a while, dating around, euphemisms for being a casual sex slut. then she finally met this guy who she cant even explain. on paper he sounds horrible: immature, unfriendly, he’s even more emotionally sensitive than me or even YOU (meaning me!), grumpy, stubborn, but I just saw something in him and now I am so happy.

(that made me angry and be like yeah but i am better than that! hes even MORE emotional than me? why couldnt you just pick ME instead? why go out and be a slut and then end up with a guy whos like me, but even WORSE? why not contact me earlier and give me a chance? I still luv you!)

so yeah my ultimate feeling after getting the letter was frustration, not really any greater closure, but a reawakened desire to try to beg her to come to me, pleeeease think about dating me, please give me a chance, you’re dating an emotional, short, grumpy, awkward guy, i am all those things too, but i am trying to become a better man though! and i would luv you unconditionally!

so yeah the whole feeling was like, this doesnt make me feel much better, this wasnt the closure i was looking for, she didnt talk enough about the stuff i wanted her to talk about (apologizing, dont blame yourself, youre a great guy) and talked too much about stuff i didnt want to hear about (new emo boifran, slutting it up.)

and she said, you absolutely need to have no contact with me in order to get over this, we cant talk again for like a YEAR. and just go out there and meet new people. I did! good people, bad people, just any new people. youll meet a few shitty people but eventually you will meet a great person and then you will get over me!

so that was technically good, becuase yeah thats exactly what i need to do, and that was her saying, theres no chance between me and you.

mainly i was angry because i was like, overall, she doesnt’ really GET it. this isnt the letter i wanted.

but that made it easier for me to dislike her and to see how Incompatible we were, so thats kinda good tho.

but it also sucked to bring all the feelings back to the surface again, to remind me that i still wanted her. i had a strong urge to reply and try to persuade her like a game of chess. i still want you.

so yeah. basically it means that a letter from her wouldn’t do a ton of good at this late date. its too late hahahaha.

but technically i wouldnt mind DISliking her more. or an apology, an admission of her guilt, and her saying it wasnt my fault.

so yeah. i guess an email wouldnt be all bad. because i HATE being misunderstood, and not listened to, not given a chance to defend myself, and having someone i luv, hate me forever.

but yeah i dont need stupid dreams bringing HER back to the fore, when there are much more important things happeneing in the world!

trump victory!

leonard cohen dying!

and all i can think of now is, well when she hears about LC dying, she might think of ME and maybe try to contact me!

sheeeeit shes prob so busy working, making money, succeeding, and being in luv and fookin new bf’s, to ever hear about LC or remember anything about him.

i mean she could even have a CHILD by now hahahaha. thats how long i havent seen her.

she is SO MUCH OVER ME, and I am not really enough over her at all.

i mean i get good days and bad days, and had a couple bad days re her recently.

also, my good days are worse than normies bad days hahahaha.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/told-him-my-true-feelings-and-now-its-truly-awkward-0

good advice from communist alice. it takes courage to confess feelings. open direct communication is the best way forward. he doesnt want to reject you as a person.

thats something thats not covered in these talks. when you confess feelings for a friend, the “norm” is they are like, i dont feel that way, but i dont want to lose your friendship, you are valuable to me as a friend, and then you say, well yeah its complicated! but some space would be nice, can we agree on some space, i mean i wish you well tho.

but from her i got YOU BEATRAYED ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT I NEVER WANT TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN!!!!!

which left me devastated. but i didnt really get that though. i just got nothing.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/friends-partners-possible

again, just have a direct conversation, with no warnings of this could really really really blow up horribly.

which leads me to believe that blowing up THAT horribly is not normal.

ie, SHE DEFINITELY OVERREACTED BIGLY.

which doesnt mean i wasnt a coward, i def was.

but it takes a lot of courage to do this, AND she overreacted WAY too much, even for a WOMAN.

women are not that bad, white women voted for TRUMP. white women voted for trump. white women are not degen garbage who fook dogs and negros. at least 53% of white women are good hahahaha.

ok call to job int in 2 weeks from stupid hospital. yes THAT hospital. this is for an afternoon shift job with no benefits (casual) and which will be lucky to get 12 an hour. oh well. hopefully they can at least have the decency to give me an actual interview!!!!!!!!

instead of me showing up at 830 am, them saying you would be bored with this job, why dont you try applying for something that would be a better FIT for you, dont look desperate, this job isnt for you, we here at this hospital look at the types of jobs you apply to, you should really apply for something thats a better fit for you, good luck, buh bye.

goddam k1k3s hahahaha.

no you cant just APPLY for one of the 4000 new trump administration jobs. i checked hahaha.

forced self to eat less cereal this morning than i would normally eat.

fookin portion control!

stupid computer. hard drives. never had a hard drive fail. WHY did it fail? was i using the computer too much? i did use it a lot.

but its also been making a weird clicking and humming noise for like 2 months. which i wasnt sure was the hard drive but now i am much more sure thats what it was. cuz the beeping came from the same place.

root cause for hard drive failure. we dont know why your hard drive broke and you lost all your files hahaha.

well my most important files are all on The Cloud. i am really just losing a bunch of music files i downloaded. thats about it. really not bad.

leonard cohen. well he fell in luv many times, even more than i did, and was able to turn his profound feels into classic, timeless songs that will last hundreds of years. i do not have that talent hahahaha. just this blog hahahaha. this blog is my “hallelujah” hahahaha. my “suzanne” and all that shit. so long marianne. im your man. first we take manhattan. take this waltz. dance me to the end of luv. great song, i dont care that some joos say its about the h0l0h04x, its still beautiful. bird on a wire. you know what song i like is sing another song boys. everybody knows hahaha. a great newer song is “alexandra leaving.”  heart with no companion. the future. all that shit. joan of arc. avalanche. chelsea hotel. famous blue raincoat. lover lover lover. all great songs hahaha.

you gotta be a goddam POLITICIAN to CAMPAIGN why you are the BEST candidate for this 11 dollar an hour job. you cant just say the right things, you gotta really sell yourself and convince people. SHE couldnt do that! but she gets a good job just because she doesnt have a GAP like a NEET hahahaha.

hehehe. hey i had an offer for a tech support call center help desk tier 1 job myself, for good money. but i turned it down because i was too SCARED and COWARDLY.  i was like, its not worf it m8.

one thing i got better at is giving clients bad news. give a brief story of specific example when you were bad, then what you did, seek out mentorship, read books, watched youtube, here’s the top 3 things i learned, and here’s a specific story of when i got good at giving the bad news. of our company doesnt want to spend the money to fix our broken equipment hahahaha.

anyway i am real bad with these specific stories. i have a few but they are just not good enough. i SHOULD have written them down while i was THERE. to make them as DETAILED and EPIC and HEROIC as possible. spin them so they have a better ending of we just ignored the person because there case was too hard and expensive to solve, so we gave them the runaround until they stopped calling, because the person who did know how to help them just didnt want to, and we dont have access to the secret information in their head. job security. dont tell anybody anything and sure as hell dont write it down. and then dont help the people who are begging you to help them, becuase they dont even know you can help them.

but yeah now got the 28th interview lined up. not nearly as excited about this job, but welp the PIPELINE hasnt been so full lately hehe.

HONESTLY. why cant the skool just hire me already.

got like FOUR rej emails yesterday for various jobs. and less than half of places actually send rej emails. so what does that tell you. i rarely even APPLY for 4 jobs a day anymore. 3 or 4 on a GOOD day. 0 or 1 on a bad day hahaha.

ok applied for hospital job on the slow computer. great job, entry level data entry thing with very short description. prob get rejected as i always do for these hospital jobs hehe.

took some nyquil. always a good time there. wish we had legal mj. maybe in 2018 election. why not 2017? i thought the state could technically do something like that at ANY time.

but good luck getting Normal People out when there is not a presidential election! like for local elections, no one ever comes out.

even in the big 2016 election, only 55% of eligible people voted. tons of people were just not registered or just too lazy to vote.

i agree that i am too lazy and dont DESERVE to vote, but thats NOT what these people are thinking, they are just too lazy and uncaring to vote. i vote because i know i have to make use of this power (which i dont deserve, but i have anyway) to keep The Enemy From Winning. that much i can do.

im not proud of how i acted and some days i REALLY blame myself, but the FACT, the FINAL FACT, the VERDICT, is, SHE OVERREACTED BIGLY hehehehe. women tend to overreact and she overreacted on top of an overreaction. so that is on her, and i shouldnt and cannot blame myself for that. like i MADE her do that.

nov 12

yeah basically i thought even though our rel was In Trouble, that I was entitled to, that i had EARNED THE RIGHT TO DEFEND MYSELF.

how can you so easily throw me away, make me dead to you and you dead to me? we knew each other for 3 years!!!! Ive earned the right to defend myself against what you’ve charged me with! so lets have a damn trial! lets sit down and talk and present our cases before the judge and jury! i am confident enough to represent myself as my own attorney. you can get an attorney too if you like.

well then we would have to hire a judge and jury. that would be too expensive. finding an impartial group of people to make a decision on something that onyl matters to ONE person, me.

so yeah a Trial would have been NICE for me…..but its an expensive bourgeois LUXURY to have a trial.

no ones ENTITLED to a trial hahahaha.

your trial, my funeral hahahahahahahaha

just spending money like water this week and its not even xmas hahaha.

so yeah. i thought she would be willing to give me a TRIAL. LET ME DEFEND MYSELF. LISTEN TO ME. again thats all part of the Natural, Beautiful Complexity of being Thrown Away. it is a flower with many petals hahahaha.

i mean yeah. when a person can just Switch It Off, so 180, thats a Red Flag that you are not compatible with them.

of course compatibility is a jooish lie hahahahaha. its not about compatibility, its about WILLINGNESS TO WORK.

yeah well she wasnt WILLING TO WORK EITHER.

16 months later, 480 days later, still thinking about this. well, 500 is a nice round number like 100% is hahahaha.

leonard cohen. whose the white leonard cohen. LC was a great man but his CYNICISM and DESPAIR and PESSIMISM was so TYPICALLY Jooish. i am all those things too, and i dont like that jooishness in me, but it comes from living in a jooish culture and world. i dont want to be this way hahahaha. the world made me this way. my goy heart innately rejects it.

not to say ALL of cohens stuff was pessimistic! but he also wasnt willing to reject his own jooishness. he had a good sense of being a joo. well, few joos do not. they just say, well im not religious, we dont go to temple, we’re basically white. except when it comes to evil racist white privilege and granny dying in muh holocaust, then they are 6000000% jooish.

heh all the cohen fans are also antitrump. and i said, well if a person is a cohen fan they’re prob good people. hahahaha. no they are shitlib antiwhites hahaha. i might be the only trump supporting cohen fan in the world.  now, trump supporting cohen fans, i guarantee you THEY are good people hahahaha. great intersectionality there.

ghoul doxxing himself damn. yeah i am jelly he is a handsome nonnevergf chad, but its good for our people, and it takes courage to do this. i mean his real name hasnt come out, but its just a damn matter of time now.

i mean hows he ever gonna get a job as a phd now? thats what i worry about.

well he could prob get a job at a community college, which is seen as BENEATH the majority of phds…….but i can verify that its NOT beneath a sizable minority of them hahahaha. and i think ghoul would appreciate the chance to actually influence real people. i mean the CC is the great equalizer A LOTTTTTTTTTT more than some bourge university is, i realize that, and im sure ghoul realizes that.

white women voted for trump. white women voted for trump hahahaha. my knee-jerk reaction against white women is BAD, negative, a reflex i want to change. i get Stankface and think, these disgusting negro fooking sluts. these stupid annoying children. emily youcis, get the fook out of here, i dont want any annoying sluts in muh alt right white movement.

i would never hurt or abuse a woman, but my GOD do i TALK SHIT about them NONSTOP. my first reflex is to talk MAD shit about women. and i wish it werent hahahaha.

maybe if i met emily youcis in person and had a 1 on 1 conversation with her i wouldnt dislike her so much hahahaha.

but now im like, ha. women. these bandwagon jumpers. she’s just doing this because its edgy. she’ll be gone in ONE YEAR. I’ve been pro-white for six years hahahahah and just getting deeper.

its SAD that my FIRST REACTION to white women is one of dislike, negativity.

bbbbut im in a woman hating phase right now, it will pass.

i will be in a woman hating phase until i get over HER, which will take 2 full years hahahaha.

so if i am still hating women in july 2017, then i should work on that hahahaha. that is my deadline hehehe.

but yeah i can convince myself that white women arent all bad (i dont really care about nonwhite women, they can ALL be degen pigs, disgusting animals, and i just dont care, because theyre not “My Women.”) when i remind myself, 53% of white women voted for trump hahahaha. i mean thats a powerful Logic Bomb hehehehe.

basically, Not All Women, and Not Even MOST Women, would Heartless Hurt Me Deeply. Not Even MOST Women would have disgusting casual negro sex.

that is my Positive, non pessimistic mantra for the day haha. NOT EVEN MOST WOMEN. are evil children. or just destructive bratty out of control children, 50 foot baby with 600000000 machine guns.

come on. just pay a person to do what you dont want to do. it doesnt even have to be a professional. just hire the dr nick of relship counselors hahaha. pay tyrone off the street 20 bucks for crack to be a messenger of bad news. hey i dont like giving bad news either.

applied for 3 jobs. called one thing “payroll clerk” in cover letter even though official name is “payroll assistant.” WHOOPS auto disqualified! this is the same company i really really really wanted the IT job at. a health care company with good reputation. i also applied for a financial job at that same time which they mentioned in the IT interview, i said I’d be happy with either but was 60 40 into the IT job re better fit. i was reallllllly hoping to get the job. got nothing. also did not even get interview for financial job. NOW i just applied for payroll job at this company. i KNOW they are growing like wildfire because they told me that at the interview. they plan to double in size in 2 years.

applied for PT general office clerk job at health care “business” company. have applied for this SAME job like 4 or 5 times, ALWAYS get rejected. then it opens again a month later, then i apply again. get rejected again. well, sometimes its a FT version of basically the same job. diff req numbers each time so i COUNT it on muh sheet as a new job. numbers up.

onyl spent 178 hours on Job Search. Maybe i need to spend at least 500 hahahaha.

i would much rather just pay the 2100 dollars that these hours are worth at 12 dollars an hour rate and have someone else do this work for me hehehehe.

just all so fookin retarded. i cant help but feel if i were like 22 years old instead of 10ish years older than that, they would be more willing to hire me and i wouldnt have to do 28 goddam interviews.

god damn j1zz burping cvnt.

well did good today on calories at least. and technically on job apps, got 4 done. beating the avg of 3 hahaha.

i mean sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

yeah i mean TRY to give me the BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT. 2.7 years, you think you’d be “entitled” to the BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT. this might not be the worst case scenario. maybe he wasnt a huge liar. maybe thats why he was always trying to hang out. maybe thats what he said in those emails i deleted. maybe i shouldnt ahve overreacted so much. yeah i know he overreacted too but what would i do if i started liking a friend? i mean yeah thsi is an uncomfortable conversation, but he’s not a bad guy, he means well, we were good friends once, i’ll send my mom, or a mutual friend, or a shrink, or pay a black crack bum 20 bucks, to be the bringer of bad news for me.

the fact that she couldnt do ANY of that tells me that she was ANGRY and HATEFUL towards me and WANTED to PUNISH me for HURTING her.

but yeah i’ll never know. going down that rabbit hole again. wouldnt be going down it if i had some MJ, or a JOB, or other women to hang out with, or more friends to hang out with. i mean i have acquaintances who will prob go to the bar tonight…..but i dont really want to go to the bar! but i should go to the bar just to be social right?

yeah but its so loud and packed you cant even TALK to anyone or HEAR anyone. you cant be social when you literally have to scream in someones ear. is it that bad that i avoid these sort of situations? why cant i just go to someones house and play vidya and games and MJ and we can talk at a normal volume and actually hear each other?

but i feel ashamed showing myself when i dont have a job.

and i havent had a job in 16 months hahahaha.

well, i am ok with doing my weekly thing tho.

sooo……do i want to do that thing on saturday night then?

well i mean….i dunno. i wish there were other social options other than the bar, or that social game. for example, a friend i could just hang out with at a home, play vidya, play games, watch tv, take mj hahahaha. MAYBE take mj. i am lacking friends that i am close enough to do that sort of stuff with. to actually have relaxed banter. my other acquaintences are big on sports and tv, i dont know shit about sports and tv. i try to talk about it but i cant get very far. its HARD WORK hahahaha.

when you go down from 36 waist to 34 and have to switch from L underoos to M hahahaha. and XL t shirts to L.

 

 

 

 

WAITING IN THE WINGS

nov 6 2016

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit

”   Hi OP, just wanted yo say I think you are right. Of course she has a right to date other people, but you can still have consideration and show tact for a person who you once cared about. Date, sure, but keep it away from your ex. No need to be so public about it. I personally think it’s a dick move. I think that if you break someone’s heart the least you can do is show kindness, and I don’t think that is very kind.    ”

on the reddit where the girl dumped the guy and still lived together, insult to injury, rubbing dudes in his face. this guy says the above very good thing, and is downvoted to hell. how could you downvote something as good as this? because its reddit hahahaha. i cant believe anybody would not give that 600000000 upvotes. oh right. because your responsibility ends the second you say its over, and then you have the RIGHT to be a PIECE OF SHIT and add INSULT TO INJURY.

i advocate a world where we RIGHTFULLY SHUN AND SHAME people who add insult to injury and call them terrible assholes. a world where the whole thread is filled with responses like that. saying what a piece of shit, she should feel HORRIBLE.

ok had the clocks set back last night, meaning it now gets dark at 5 pm, basically signals the start of winter essentially, for the next 6 months. winter is coming hahaha. this is the Tuff Half of the Year.

had dream last night abou “nice girl” from middle school who i never pursued hahahaha but think she would have made an excellent wife. funny, back then i was all about “nice girls”, meaning girls who didnt slut it up for thugs and ghetto gangsters. just a nice 14 year old girl that waits to have secs hahahaha. and is also nice and not a huge bitch either. cuz i had a Crush on a girl who was very attractive, but also a dirty mudshark slut. at age 14 hahahaha. she talked like a negro and liked that negro bigman bullshit. well, i think she preferred white wegros rather than full blown negros, good for her. but i was like damn, this is tragic, a beautiful gurl throwing herself away like this, i wish i could turn her into a Nice Gurl.

anyway this OTHER gurl actually WAS a nice gurl. i never saw her again after 8th grade hahahaha. maybe i had the dream about her, because the beautiful 18 year old gurl i saw in church sort of reminded me of That Type of Nice Gurl. not a slut, kinda classy, had morals and values, prob a good father, tries to be a nice good person, while also being QT as hell and not a fat disgusting animal hahahahaha.

MPC forum should really make their own podcasts. TRS really pioneered this but its a really low bar to entry. low risk, very high reward. shit I should make a podcast.  podcasts are fookin great. just real people having real talk about important stuff, sometimes in a pretty fun or funny way.

its more fun and memorable than reading the forums, its like actually talking to people. and i am 1488% sure these people would be interesting and smart and funny. because they are with their writing. i just prefer listening to people talk, than reading writing. i would do this whole blog as a podcast if i had the balls, or didnt want to be doxxed.

although people with much more to lose than me arent worried about doxing themselves because of their voice. see TRS hahahaha. kyke enoch makes 100 grand a year and would totally be fired if someone found out he was a racist.

heh its also funny how i had my idea of a “NICE GIRL” and basically i still have my idea of that. and this idea of “nice” is completely different of the “nice” women talk about when they talk about “NICE GUYS”.

i really really really try to NOT be that kind of nice guy, so i dont like being accused of being one.

see waiting in the wings, ulterior motives, lying by omission, etc.

well as much as i have been crapping on DsO for their new album being completely mediocre hehehe, i will always be Interested in them, and hey let’s go back to the moment where this wanky masturbation was brand new, the fas album of 2007. when they first REALLY went down this path and it was more groundbreaking. easier to like and say OH YEAH THIS IS AWESOME rather than MEH IVE HEARD THIS BEFORE.

what a difference 9 years makes hahaha.

basically i want to find the point they went from writing riffs to not writing riffs. 2004-2007 hahaha.

ok so DsO has a number of 20 minute songs that were released between albums during this time. i think writing a 20 minute song is a better use than having a 35 minute set of piles of disconnected riffs.

i dunno. i just wish i had sme MJ and could blaze it and enjoy this music hehehe.

or that i could just get a damn job already.

i mean i am trying. not really trying hard enough but i am trying a little hahaha.

 

 

oh god. you simply cannot escape this comic. the worst comic of all time. on the hot frontpage of all reddit. which i usually never look at. bringing the /niceguys subreddit to the front page. why is this even a subreddit. why even waste time complaining about these pathetic lost souls. are they really that BAD?

to these women of reddit, yes they are.

”  Easy question to ask yourself to find out the answer;
If you knew, for sure, that he would be happier if he broke up with you, would you want him to stay with you anyway?
If the answer is “yes”, then you’re a self-centered dickwad. If the answer is “no”, then it’s all good. 🙂   ”

but it led to this quote which was actually helpful to me, because some woman worried that she was a niceguy because she and her bf had been JUST FRIENDS before they became More Than Friends.

so i thought, would I MAKE her be with me if i knew she would be happier with someone else?

No, i would be MATURE enough to say if youre miserable with me, then ok fine this needs to end. but lets end it in a nice way. peacefully detach. have good Communication about it. see a Counselor who helps us Break Up as peacefully as possible. establish ground rules for No Contact, because youre dumping me and my heart is broken. I accept you want to get out of the rel, so you can accept that you are breaking my heart.

oops sorry i think this page just shows the hottest threads from subs i am SUBSCRIBED to, NOT all of reddit.

https://www.reddit.com/r/altright/comments/59794r/i_am_andrew_anglin_worldrenowned_gas_chamber/?st=iuop3wy3&sh=9800833c

 

 

nice hehehe. this is actually a good sub hehehe and i surprised reddit hasnt shut it down yet. im sure its coming tho.

anyway. basically if she were Dating me and she was really unhappy I would be mature enough to say, maybe we just werent meant to be together babe. its just such a stupid thought experiment though. why wouldnt she just dump me like a rock. ok i unhappppppy and im not willing to work on anything, see ya creep, ima have fun on tinder. i just cant envision someone so committed to me that they are afraid to leave me. no one’s ever been the slightest bit afraid to leave me, hahahahaha.

going to listen to damn FAS album today.

i mean really. in some ways the music perfectly captures the confused, chaotic, hateful, scared, incomprehensibility of muh emotional and mental state. DsO is the soundtrack to muh psyche for the past 15 months hahaha.

took some nyquil hehe

totally dark at 6 pm, haha

listened to “fas”, did not sound much different than “synarchy” except fas has about 1 memorable “riff” per song, while synarchy has none hahahahaha. but other than that they are very similar hahaha.

nov 7

took nyquil yesterday, that always leads to a foggy mind at the time. which is kinda good if you arent trying to study for exams/work or solve confusing problems. also keeps you from writing stupid shit. makes the time fly by. probably keeps you from worry about stupid shit.

 

good for you, because it is degenerate sodomy that is a nihilistic, sociopathic view of Human Life. there’s no respect for life there. no wonder these people like CHOPPING UP BABIES.

some women like coffee dates. other women hate them and wont give you another chance if you suggest a coffee date. they dont bother saying i dont like coffee dates, lets go on a drink date instead. nope. just you are forever in the basket of deplorables because you were creepy and weird enough to suggest a coffee date instead of a drinks date. even though you dont care what KIND of date it is, youre just trying to meet women.

i dunno. DONT ASSUME ALL PEOPLE ARE MIND READERS and that they will KNOW you hate coffee dates. its not a reasonable thing to HATE!

 

ok mass grave aesthetics, 2005, might be perfect blend of old and new dso. i wonder if they used a diff drummer on SMRC than they did on FAS. this sounds more like SMRC.

i dunno. who cares hahahaha.

its just stupid that Nice Gurls go on Tinder and Fook guys they dont even know, and this is the Normal Trajectory of a Rel. You meet, are instantly attracted, instantly fook, DO NOT GET FEELINGS, keep it casual, and then if casual fooking is good, you might est a long term rel. you HAVE to go through the degen sodomy phase of casual secs before you get to the ltr.

cant you just get to know someone SLOWLY, WITHOUT FOOKING?????!?!?!?!?!

i just wish women took Human Lives SERIOUSLY. instead they just dont care. human life, secs, abortion, its all a big fooking joke to these jooish nihilists hahahahaha.

OK OK OK EASY THERE. AYO HOL UP. HOL UP. HOL UP HOL UP. HOL UP. HOL. UP. HOL UP.  AYO. HO UP. HOD UP.

hehehehhe. we must always be ready to say AYO. HOL UP to our Runaway Negative Thoughts Freight Train. Barrelling through like a Trump Train with no brakes hahahaha.

WOO HOO THE BIG 500!

just hit 500 jobs applied. 26k county job. ALWAYS get rejected for these, no interview, just straight rej email. do they think i am overqualified? then i wouldnt keep applying to these 26k jobs!

heh. looking up the repub candidate for muh county District Attorney against the incumbent dem. the repub challenger is a total autistic maniac, in a i cant believe this guy graduated from college let alone law school and passed bar and does he even work as an attorney because he seems like an acid tripping maniac. and he’s probably a nice guy but why doesnt he have any kids. because hes THAT much of an autistic weirdo.

i mean the guy seems literally schizophrenic. i guess he is a running joke in area politricks. weird that somebody so clearly insane would be a repub hahahahaha.

he grad from a good univ, went to  i guess ok law school, passed bar, but had basically no legal career, did not Practice a lot of Law whatsoever, and did a weirdo neet lifestyle hahaha. and has the web design skills of a 60 year old man hahahaha. not that i can really make a better website either, and i have taken tons of classes in the topic!

anyway point is i guess he is a man of the people and cant be bought by sleazy companies, like most people in the county hehehe. for solid white people there is far too much corruption. blame the italians hahahahaha. but even the anglos have tons of corruption. been hanging with italians too much.

ok got 6 apps in today, up to 503 hehehe. harharhar. trying to figure out what is a reasonable goal for the end of year.

i really only started in SERIOUSNESS on march 28. so that is 503 apps in 224 days.

15.72 jobs per week. that is NOTHING hehehehe. wow. i have done NOTHING the past 7.47 months hehehehe.

15 jobs a week. NOTHING. heheheh.

well, some weeks i had 50, other weeks i had like 0 hehehe. this is an average over the long term. which is a statistic i generally like measuring.  Averages over the Long Term.

sheeeeeeeeeit. found a full time job at the……large school where i would like to get an ft job, pt job, anything, but ESPECIALLY a ft job. and there was an ft maintenance job! which closes TODAY!!! so i was like AYO HOL UP and applied for it. took 21 minutes, not sure why so long hahaha. because i had applied to 6 jobs before this today hahaha making this muh 7th and a very auspicious one, wish this could have been the 500th instead of the 504th.

but yeah i hate how i MISS the best jobs at this school just because they dont send alerts, and you have to remember to check their website every damn week.

big election day tomorrow. supposedly shillary is up by 4%. i mean really i am not too optimistic for trvmpenfvhrer. this is the last gasp of the horrible huwhyte male. NA NA NA NA, NA NA NA NA, HEY HEY, GOOD BYE!!!!!!!!! DONT LET THE DOOR HIT YA ON THE WAY OUT, WHITE BOY! WALK ON HOME!!!! TOO BAD, SO SAD!!!!

this is how shitlib WHITES feel about The White Race. I know actual real life real shitlib white men that make Tweets and facebook posts talking about how stupid and lame and toxic White People Are. and DAMN WONT IT BE GREAT WHEN WHITE PEOPLE DONT RULE THE WORLD ANY MORE.

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

I dont know how they make 50k+ a year hahahaha.

oh yeah i do. because they have masters degrees and are Value Adding Workers hehehehe.

and they are very confident at all times. on the job, socially, at skool.

nov 8

well i have to exercise muh civic duty hahahaha. in fact i shouldnt be doing this. i would gladly give up my right to vote if we could majorly restrict the vote to whyte male homeowners with children who make at least 50k a year and have a minimum 110 iq hahahaha. i would say go ahead. i more than trust you. im just an emotional looney toon who doesnt deserve the Responsibility of voting……..just like at least 51% of people nowadays hehe.

like i dont know shit about EVERY candidate on muh ballot. state reps, house reps, sheriff, DA, clerk, university regents, district judge, state judges. state board of edu, local board of edu. i read about some of the candidates then forgot who was who. so basically all i can do is vote for Repubs hahahaha. there needs to be an alt right party so i know im not voting for ZOG sellouts and neocucks hahaha hahaha.

duke / trump 2016 hahahaha. hitler trump 1488 hehehehe.

pretty sure trump will lose but it will be a pleasant surprise if he wins. maybe the lying jooish media is just lying about hillarys 4% lead.

i mean it has been kind of encouraging during these discouraging times, to listen to the trump speeches on cspan and think, wow, this is pretty positive, i like what he’s saying, its gonna suck when hillary WINS and we dont get to hear this positive voice every day.

i thought well i just have huge issues with Secs, cuz i see it as a dirty, pornographic, jooish, fetish, sinful, bad sort of thing. which is PARTIALLY true, but i also see it as a wonderful, sacred, holy, loving thing. but when i see Real Women treating it as a Casual Pornographic thing, then i get angry and disgusted. real women doing casual sex, many partners, acting like a porno slut, taking nudes and secs videos, theyre making their OWN pornography!!!!!!

so yeah, is the sex youre having PORNOGRAPHIC or not?

you can have nice, loving, long term rel, monogamous, intimate secs, and this is the good kind i like, or you can have degenerate, sodomitic, jooish, pornographic, casual fun nihilistic hedonistic feelgood muh dick secs. and that is the kind i HATE. and which i HATE to see young women doing. its APPALLING. DISGUSTING.

so the repub candidate for sheriff is extremely against MJ, medical MJ, rec MJ, views it as an extremely dangerous drug that is responsible for Heroin and Meth epidemics. the dem incumbent sheriff is not so hardcore haha. the repub DA candidate thinks MJ should be legal hehe.

heh wonder if i should throw away muh vote on some libertardian candidates i know nothing about, who wont get more than 1% of the vote.

welp i did it , did muh civic duty hahaha. its not a DUTY, its a PRIVILEGE, a RESPONSIBILITY. i shouldnt even be VOTING. in some races i didnt vote for ANYBODY.

i mean SHIT the very first item on the ballot was Straight Ticket, mark here if you just want to vote all repubs.

well then how does that affect your vote for the Judicial Non Partisan section, or school board or all that shit?

so i left some judges blank because they have no declared party affiliation and i didnt know enough about them. i voted for a few libertarians for like university trustee, except when the names didnt sound white, so then i voted for the repub hahahaha.

i mean the main thing that matters is that i voted for THE DONALD and of course i did hahahahaha.

i was in there at 12:30 pm and was the 497th voter of the day in the district. maybe about 15 districts in the city.

as i was in there, i heard some foreigners near me, two women, one helping the other. how is this old foreign woman who cant speak english a registered voter? i understood two words one woman said, trump and hillary. didnt sound arabic. sounded pretty slavic. maybe albanian. yes i know thats not slavic at ALL but the language can be hard to tell. i mean ive gotten pretty good. i dont think it was albanian but it def wasnt polish or russian. if i had to guess, maybe serb or croatian or macedonian. we have a decent amount of macedonians.

THEN there was a guy where they said he wasnt in the book. they called the city clerk. gave the name. CHOUDRY, hehehehehe. city clerk could not find him. could not find him in the state either. now i dont trust the competency of city clerk or state clerk, and i know choudry is a very common name.

they said well we cant find you, he said he had voted somewhere else before, but didnt say where, they said he could fill out an affadavit but that he could be prosecuted if he was not registered. not sure what happened there. this is why you check if youre registered, and where youre registered well in advance!!!!!

also saw a guy dressed like a damn muslim imam, with the beard, hat, and Onesie.

i knew my area was fairly ethnic……but it was not encouraging seeing such RAGING ethnicity among the less than 20 voters there at that time. as i say, middle of the day, i didnt have to wait at all.

i did see a sort of qt 26 year old white gurl in medical scrubs. wonder who SHE voted for hahahaha.

but i thought of, well how do you dispute something like with choudry. theres 6000000 diff ways to spell choudry. its easy to spell wrong. never mind the first name! can they look up where he IS registered? would they ACTUALLY investigate his affidavit and throw out his ballot if he was a fraud? what if he were registered in another district?

theres a number of Structural Clusterfooks here, some of which do seem unfair for the voter, but others which seem to allow ridiculous Fraud. i dont know the Best Practices here…………………………………and neither do the Bureaucrats that have been “managing” voting for 200 years!

so yeah i might not consider myself qualified to really vote……..but i am more qualified than most of the fookin idiots voting!!!!!!! im voting for hillary because i hate trump hahahahahahahaha.  wow. you should not have the privilege of of voting you moron.

i mean i left more than a couple things BLANK because i didnt feel comfortable voting for judges that I knew nothing about.

http://torontolife.com/city/life/tinder-tales-donald-trump-supporter/

heres the thing: ive slept with A LOT of guys hahahahaha what a slut

he was 6’4″, handsome, one of The Top 5 Guys this sluts fooked, but his homophobic xenophobia and bigotry is such a turn off, she can only stomach fooking him when she is looking for a 3 am drunk c0ck n cvm call.

this is what i mean about real life women BECOMING PORNOGRAPHY.

kinda glad i am not on facebook to see all muh real life friends being happy about voting for hillary hahahahaha.

kinda glad i did my part to vote for the GOD EMPEROR hahaha. though watch they find some way to throw out my vote, or to say that i voted for shillary. i promise you i did not. i checked it like 3 times to make sure i didnt ACCIDENTALLY mark the hillary oval.

my pen mark kinda went outside the line for 1 mm. maybe thats enough to throw out the ballot.

i mean it would suck just to hear and see much less of trump saying his positive stuff. whos gonna be our voice once hillary wins hehehe. whats trump gonna do then. i still want to hear him, or people like him.

hmmm maybe i should have just hung out at the poll place longer to watch people. i was in and out at a very not busy time of day.

http://www.dailystormer.com/leftist-whore-trump-supporters/

http://www.dailystormer.com/andrew-anglin-on-alan-colmes-show/

is he joking about having sean hannity on his (anglins!!!) livestream? that would be ridiculous hahaha.

anyway yeah. get super sexy young men and then the women will follow. get a bunch of 20 year old, tall, handsome, white chads and bring them to trump, bring them to the alt right, then omega manlet fascists like me can get their sloppy sevenths hahahahahahaha

heheheh what if david duke wins in louisiana? that would be nice hahahaha.

hmmm taking a look at this discord stuff, some kind of chat and voice and skype like thing. there are “Servers” for TRS, daily stormer, etc. cant quite figure it out. i will lurk until banned haha.

so yeah early results show trump beating hillary……but i would not be surpirsed to see this FLIP dramatically over the next few hours.

welp applied to only 3 jobs today hahahaha.

NEVER TRUST NONNEVERGF NORMIES

nov 1

sheeeeeeeeeeit rejected for the part time city job, 15 an hour, was hopign for this as a kind of baby steps, training wheels, safety net. they had THREE positions open so i thought i had a chance. sent thank you emails to the three people on interview panel. (representing the three departments/positions.) got rejection email today. spent 14 minutes on application, 90 minutes in first test, 30 minutes on second test, 40 minutes on interview, and rejected. damn.

well, they either have promised the jobs to family members, and or they are looking for an older married woman who is looking for part time job AND NOT full time job. because i made a statement like, “a full time position is my #1 priority.” basically saying to them its not my first choice that this job is part time. and you want a candidate who makes you a #1 Priority not an option!

i dunno, i’ll never know.

but yeah thats disappointing. believe me a part time baby steps job would be a BIG DEAL and possible LIFE CHANGER, just for showing that I can HANDLE some kind of Employment without completely losing my mind and running away panicquitting!

its kinda hard convincing someone “its company policy, you cant do that” if the company policy isnt WRITTEN DOWN anywhere, AND there is no good faith attempt at an explanation. you figure there is always some wizard in the back room with 2 years of experience (hehehehe) who knows the Secret Way Around Things. but you have just as much access to this Guru Ninja, as Joe Flabeetz off the Streetz!!!!!!

i was thinking of a stupid case just today, and i should make a GOod Story out of it while its fresh in my mind.

caller is moving to another company location 1 mile away. caller wants to move his client list from location 1 to location 2. he figures thats reasonable. calls, gets me, asks me to do that for him / get that process started. i say ok let me put you on hold for a few minutes while i figure this out. cant find any good articles. ask the people around me because i dont want to get Dinged for going into the Official Advice Chat, because that shows you arent trying hard enough to figure it out on your own, and just want your Hand Held. people around me say you cant do that, cant be done, and continue focusing on their own cases. Really, I say? why not? what should I tell this guy? just tell him it can’t be done. company policy. yeah but why? and couldn’t there possibly be a way to just copy the files manually to a flash drive, then load them into the other office? i mean these are all just FILES, right? why can’t you move a file from one computer to another? I mean yeah I know all the files look like WKDNSUH193734940.ngr and are in 1488 different locations, but…..isnt that what we have tier 2 and 3 for? this has got to be an escalated case right? people around me sigh and say, well, youre getting way too deep, plus theyre gonna say no anyway, that would take way too much time, but if you want to ask for escalation, go ahead, theyre just gonna say no, nothing we can do. and im like WRONG, there IS stuff we can do, but just be straight with me and my caller that it would take to much time and money, I can understand that, he can understand that.

i guess the reason you cant move a client list is so that people can’t “steal” their client information when they leave the company, and use that to start their own business or something.

yeah but this guys not leaving the company! he’s just moving to a different office! a fairly common thing!!!!

so i still dont understand. but for the purposes of my Story that i’m gonna tell the interviewer, i have to make it look like i made sense out of all this.

i think i just said, yeah i checked, this cant be done, i guess its security policy so people can’t easily leave the company with their client lists, sorry, i tried. and he was like ok fine i guess. thats our company for you, always getting in the way with stupid policies.

maybe im asking too much with a minimum of 12 dollars an hour. maybe i should drop it down to 10 dollars an hour. i see more 10 dollar an hour job openings than 12 dollars an hour.

maybe in another year of joblessness hahahahahaha.

anyway a good answer for that guy would be, welp, it would be FASTER and CHEAPER for you to sit there in the first office, print out 2000 pages of paper for all the clients files, and then bring the boxes of printouts to the new office, and manually reenter them into that computer, than it would be to transfer the files from one office to another.

but youre kidding me. i mean i get the security thing if the employee is permanently leaving. but employees transfer offices ALL THE TIME. YOURE TELLING ME that for the 100 employees that are transferred to a different office EVERY DAY, theres NO WAY for them to have access to their old files from the new office? that doesnt even make sense how that would be a policy!

i understand completely. if you’d like to dispute the policy, the best person to speak to is the office manager.

I AM THE OFFICE MANAGER!

I mean, speak to YOUR manager, the district manager.

HE SAID TO CALL YOU!!!!

And I’m saying to call him and say that we can’t fix this. I’m not sure he can fix this, but he sure has a better chance at having more power than me.

well why cant you just trasnfer me to YOUR manager? certainly they have more power than you?

yeah they have too many cases and they dont think this case is worthwhile. sorry.

I want to hear this from them.

OK I’ll request a callback, but can’t give you a time other than to say it will be within the next 72 hours. And I can’t give you the person’s name. it could be any of 20 people.

you have 20 managers?

no, see, the managers don’t know anything. they only know how to MANAGE, and they dont do that very well. I’m having a level 2 person call you. they’re like level 1 people who have been around for 3 years and actually know stuff and can explain stuff. sorta.

i cant make this up folks. i worried that my fam would think i was weird or homosexual because i never talked to gurls, never had a GF, never had female friends, come on fam im 23, 25 years old, dont you think this is WEIRD? dont you worry im a weird pedophile? then i got to 30 with no GF, no female friends, and it was a lot easier hahahaha. it was like yep thats just the way he is. terrible with the ladies. but they never SAID i was weird or that they were disappointed. i thought it was weird that they didnt THINK it was weird, cuz i sure thought it was weird!

shit. might as well listen to that new deathspell omega album. not even excited. not sure i could get excited about a metal album ever again. new darkthrone album was kinda disappointing. what if boortzum made a new metal album? it would prob be disappointing like his last metal album. ok then what about muh boy mikko makes a new album? well see i didnt even really get into his new vapaudenristi album. i would prob get excited about a new stabat mater album hahahahahaha. we are abotu due for one of those.  uhhhh metal. big metal fan. yep.

mgla? yeah thats probably the most excited id get about a new metal album.

nonmetal album? i dunno. leonard cohen comes out with new albums and i dont even care, tom waits could prob come out with a new album and i wouldnt care, cuz i was underwhelmed by his last album like 5 years ago hahahaha. cmon tom.

tom waits net worth is 25 million hahahahaha.

heh. rej email for a 32k job. well, thats way more than 26k hahahaha. but ok well this is the county. i have been interviewed by the county for a….33k job and a 40k job. really would have liked that 40k job. but i get rejected for all the 26k, 28k jobs i apply for with the county. you gotta go to harvard or mit to get a 26k job with the county apparently hahahahaha.

OR JUST NOT HAVE A 15 MONTH GAP hahahahaha is much more like it!

if i ever got a gf i could see it being like this hahahahaha. but at least he cares about dumping her in a good way rather than just Ghosting and Blocking her hahahahaha.

yeah thats the hard thing when things END right in the middle of Your Honeymoon Period, is that it takes much longer to get over, becuase youre always thinking WHAT IF, WHAT IF, WHAT IF. you never got bored with them, you never got in a rut, you never thought maybe the grass is greener, they were always your perfect angel, never though, welp im bored with this person, they dont CHALLENGE me to be a BETTER PERSON, hahahahaha hahahaha.  or whatever bullshit hahahaha.

well honestly when you are in true honeymoon period, you DO feel like you want to be a better person because of them, the cliche is true!

i guess…..well you know you get that feeling of please just escalate this case, i dont know what im doing, this is above my paygrade, i dont know how to explain this, i just want another person to look at this and at least give them a better reason…..but youre not getting approval to escalate, and you sound like an idiot. in hindsight, the best thing to do would be, plan on staying an extra hour just to work on their case, and be like, i’ll call you back at 630 pm. thats the best i can do. because noone else is willing or able to look at this. and i need like an hour to figure it out. but i dont have an hour because we have calls in queue and i’m already over 20 minutes with your call. so im gonna sacrifice my family time so i can do work for free, for you. so you better tell my manager i deserve a promotion. not some diversity person from outside of the company.

listened to the new DsO. sounded just like the old DsO hahahahahaha. jangly and angular and chaotic and noisy and confusing. it sounds like what my mind felt like trying to do my old job. jumbled and confused and making no sense. anyway nothing new in DsO’s bag of tricks. total emperor has no clothes. they cannot get away with this any longer hahahahaha. just an exercise in wankery. yeah i kinda like crazy blast beats behind semi-clean guitars, yeah i like mikko, yeah they have their own STYLE of weird nonsense music, so you could tell them apart from other “math rock” or “technical” groups………but I guess Im just not super into the technical stuff.

i mean honestly. WHAT ARE YOUR MUSICAL INFLUENCES. thats what i would ask him. probably a lot of jazz hahaha. ornette coleman hahaha.

it sounds just like all their other albums, a pile of noise hahahahahahahahaha. smoke and mirrors. if he was actually down to earth enough to give an interview, people would say, yeah you know youre not as good as you think you are, ya underachieving autist hahahahahaha.  go make some more money at your normiejob and go cuddle with your tradwife hahahaha.

enjoy your beautiful part of france where there are beautiful mountains and forests and small towns and white people and no browns like in godforsaken paris. or calais hahahaha.

fooking k1ke bastards. cant even hire me for a part time job. was it because they can TELL im not a NORMIE? just like WOMEN can tell hahahah.

no thats not true, even THAT WOMAN didnt realize how much of a nonnormie i was! and she didnt Block me because she realized exactly HOW fooked up i was, she just blocked me because she was a coward. for all she knows, im a total normie who dates wimmin hahaha.  i mean this reflects worse on her than it does on me.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&rlz=1C1NHXL_enUS687US687&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=what%20to%20say%20in%20any%20situation

namely, any DIFFICULT/TUFF situation hahahahaha.

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f21/anyone-else-have-a-job-but-no-life-339841/index5.html

heh i should put SAS in the sidebar o links, decent forum. bunch sad sacks with no friends, no gf, some have jobs, some dont.

how did they GET these jobs?

yeah its muh GAP which is hurting me more than my lack of Interviewing Charisma. I actually have prob around average interview skills. better than that woman hahahahahahahahahaha who i still think about and compare myself to even though she has been out of my life forever for 16 months and is never coming back.

yeah the whole reason i LUV MJ now is because i used WAY TOO MUCH of it in my youth, age 25 and earlier. big mistake. never should have. but ive screwed the pooch now. because i ruined myself when i was young, i will pretty much always be addicted to w33d hahahaha. in that i am ALWAYS thinking about it, EVERY DAY, even when I only have it once every 200 days, im thinking about it all the other 199 days.  yes it sucks but DEAL WITH IT.

and the best way to do that, is just get a job any job ASAP,  find a MJ Hookup ASAP, and make a Big Buy ASAP. like $100 at least. buy a BIG bag of MJ.

get on disability because i have too much anxiety to work a job like a normie, then spend money on MJ hahaha.

those fookin phaggots rejecting me for the part time job when there were THREE openings. god damn. 3 openings and less than 30 people in the running. how the HELL was i not in the top 20%? where DID I rank? HOW close was I to getting the job? and what if i WASNT EVEN CLOSE?

again they probably wanted somebody who was perfectly happy with part time job, rather than someone who admitted yeah my goal is to get a full time job. probably hired a retired 65 year old person who just wanted something to DO to keep from getting BORED with retirement hahahahaha. fookin baby boomers.

rather than 50 year old people who are FORCED into early retirement and have to eat dogfood and live in section 8 housing with negros hahahahaha. elderly white people living in the black ghetto, eating dogfood. which is also black slang for heron.

ANYWAY. so i will crap on deathspell omega because……they are FRUSTRATING. basically they intentionally gave up catchy riffs in favor of super uncatchy “riffs” and its like they did this on purpose, they are purposely frustrating, and i liked that when i was 16 but now that i am over twice that age, im like, i want to listen to music to ENJOY it, not to work hard and struggle to overcome challenges and confusion. i have a hard enough time doing that in my daily life. just give me good songs. and i know they are capable of that! my favorite DSO songs are their slower more melodic ones!!!! “carnal malefactor” eg. beautiful song. write more songs like that. or the first song on “drought” was slow and melodic and establishes a very nice dark ominous atmosphere, before they tear it all down with their nonsense riffs…..and the nonsense riffs on “paracletus” actually seemed to work most of the time.

im getting too old for this shit hahahahahaha.

yeah but they are even older than ME! they are close to 40!

probably MJ would make it more enjoyable. i wonder if “hasjarl” does MJ. PROBABLY. knowing that would take a lot of the MYSTIQUE out. like this article on insvisible oranges implies: it seems RIDICULOUS to think of a member of DSO doing mundane things like going to walmart or tuning the guitar or having a goofy moment in the studio. to that i would add just about anything: hanging out with their waifu, taking a dump, going to work, trying to explain shit to angry customers, visiting their family. but they do all these things just like normal people, and yeah maybe i CAN imagine these things all too well, and so i think, no need to TRY so hard buddy. I KNOW youre just a damn normie! i bet he just gets super stoned and is like oh heres another wanky riff in 88/14 time that normie squares who haven’t taken jazz band 101 wont understand hehehehe. hue hue hue hue. yeah well youre a normie too buddy.

mikko aspa might not be a normie tho hahahaha.

this guy has actually gotten to the point of casual secs and can conclusively say that he is not impressed and he wants moar, but he just cant get to the second date. i mean if they FOOK on the first date, its a safe assumption theyre SOMEWHAT interested in you.  but noooooo they cant even fook you a second time!

i mean when a gurl FOOKS, how do you know whether she wants it ONLY ONCE, or more than once?

these stupid, stupid bitches. hahahaha. you think if he turned down the secs on the first date, then the women are gonna change their mind and want to go out with him for a second date?

WOMEN WHO FOOK ON THE FIRST DATE ARE NOT THE TYPE OF WOMEN YOU WANT TO HAVE A SECOND DATE WITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but nobody understands this anymore. there is not enough SLUT SHAMING!!!!!

treat people like actual people, human beings with feelings and hearts! thats how i treat women in real life! i talk a LOT of shit about women in general on teh internet, but in real life, with real women, I DO NO HARM!!!!!!!!!!

nov 2

yeah i was/am kinda pissed about getting rejected for the pt 15 an hour job with THREE openings. couldnt even get ONE of em. couldnt even get the WORST one.

interview tomorrow for goddamn ELEVEN dollar PT job, which is normally too low to consider for me, but i like the company, its close, i worked there before, i would luv to get FT job there, and ive had THREE interviews with them for pt 11 dollar jobs, all rejected, and the 4th tomorrow. (4 separate jobs.)

would LOVE to get call this week from the 2 other companies i int at last week. would def be disappointed af to get rej emails from them. not really PISSED, but definitely disappointed and weakened confidence. it cant get much lower folks hahahaha.

trump does not view women as full human beings, says hitlery hahahahaha. i thought, well, neither do I, but I would never want to personally do them harm. AND I view them as about 80% human beings, thats pretty good right?

still doesnt mean i would TREAT them as 80% humans, i wouldnt treat them like they have treated me hahahaha. they have treated ME like less than 80% human!!!!!!!!

anyway who cares. my new thing with interviews is, just memorize 10 stories in great detail.

let the STORIES be your guide.

i didnt know what i was doing, i couldnt explain the bad news to the caller because i didnt understand, i didnt udnetstand enough to ask the right questions to muh superiors, i got flustered. so i went home and studied the stuff until i did understand it. then the next day i called the caller again and gave them a better explanation.

even though most times just studying will nto give you the EXPLANATION you want. you still have to deduce the explanation for yourself out of the most unclear material. or speculate a reason or rationale or explanation why you Cant Do This, because nothing is given in a written company policy.

its usually safe to assume Money Is The Reason. saving money. and then you have to come up with a tactful way to explain that to the customer, we cant help you because it costs too much money.

i was watching this retarded show “taboo” which is semi entertaining, and then they did a show about “the limits of female beauty” or something and had a bit on The Most Anorexic Woman in the World, a french woman who LITERALLY looked like A Skeleton. I mean her actual FACE as well as her body was Emaciated AF and she looked like the Sloth Guy in the move Seven. looking at that face as haunting and horrifying. i said NOPE NOT GONNA WATCH THIS and i felt dirty being complicit in this very jooish exploitation.

id actually seen the episode before a few years ago. i recall they said this woman DIED shortly after the episode was completed. she was like 30 years old and LITERALLY at deaths door as they were filming, she was that bad, and she LOOKED that bad. it was HORRIFYING.

i know i was disturbed when i watched in the first time and when they showed her this time, i was super disturbed and just turned the show off. how jooish can you get.

 

sheeeeeit thats that type of stuff i worry about, now this poor sap is living it! guarantee this will be [removed] quickly hahahaha like most of the sweet reddits i post.

what if that woman did something like that? it wouldnt matter because she has been Ripped Out of my life for the past 16 months. 480 days hahahaha. who cares. doesnt matter. its all over. get over it.

so yeah my work stories suck because basically it was me getting flustered and saying uhh yeah i guess we cant do this, sorry, just deal with it, anything else i can help you with? so again, i have to SPIN those stories to show that I did Follow Up research to understand shit, and did callbacks to Clarify shit, in a world where NOTHING WAS CLEAR. half the time documentation didnt even EXIST. and the documentation that DID exist was WRONG, out of date, and or confusing/UNCLEAR AF.

and the people you can ask for help are often as unhelpful and unclear as the unclear shit you are asking for clarification on, so you learn to try to Figure It Out yourself.

anyway. ive sort of met the guy i will be talking to tomorrow. he used to walk through my department and i would give him a friendly greeting whenever i saw him. he seemed nice enough that he is actually the type who says hello to people, and i am the same way. yes thats right. im not this huge hateful asshole in real life. i am a scared coward who is so DESPERATE for peoples APPROVAL that i am super NICE to people all the time, like a total NICE GUY, the worst KIND of creep!!!!! hahahahahaha.

ok everybody wants approval. why cant we just call this golden rule. treat everyone the way you want to be treated. that is an even more valid explanation of me being nice to everybody. besides i dont stalk women like a nice guy. i send them a couple emails and let them throw me away with onyl minimal complaining.

i TALK like a huge abuser, but i have never ever ever abused a woman. but of course i worry that i would, because i TALK like an abuser when there are no women around. so its hard to tell. what is real and what is the mask?

i like to think im not REALLY an abuser. i have just been so disappointed by women that its very hard for me not to speak negatively of them. but alot of my stuff is legit criticism.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&rlz=1C1NHXL_enUS687US687&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=how%20do%20you%20convince%20people%20youre%20not%20an%20idiot

drop quotes by neil “magic black science man” tyson. maybe steven hawking. done.

http://archive.is/iSmnZ

stupid kyke hahahahaha why did i even trigger myself hahaha

http://introvertspring.com/introvert-may-slow-im-stupid/

yeah dont even tell the interviewer you are slightly introverted even as a way just to describe your personality is not super duper extraverted……..BECAUSE INTROVERTED IS A BAD WORD AND A BAD THING. Just say you are perfectly normal, a friendly polite person, and not necessarily the life of the party. Im just here to do a good job, not socialize. never let the word INTROVERT exit your lips. ANATHEMA.

i mean i havent done that recently, but i know i did at some point, maybe to explain why i prefer a Back Office Position over a Front Office Position.

they always say, ask her out on a DATE, BUT, problem is, youve been HANGING OUT a bit doing things that COULD be construed as datelike, where they only thing that changes is the word…..hey wanna go to dinner again…..but this time its a DATE???!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

yeah ok fine. if this is what you have to do, i’ll accept that. i would just rather say “i am starting to get changing feelings for you and might want to DATE you” would be just as good.

anyway. MW is now in the US. and uploading vidyas regularly. hope he keeps doing that. if the “dangerous haggis tour” stops near me i would like to see him. this is exciting. i am excited for him. he is pretty excited. hopefully he hangs out with plenty of hardcore WN’s hahahaha. his first stop was staying with antidem in san f4gcisco. all i know about antidem is that he is a joo and was banned from TRS for that. hes probably one of the good ones, but…….not a great start. just go stay with greg johnson hahaha. well i know “grindr greggie” also stays near NYC as well. anyway i am SURE they will meet up. and i hope MW records as much of his visit as possible. record everything. documentary. its just fun. i am happy for him. he is a great guy. hope he doesnt bang that woman hahaha. because that woman might have gotten into alt right stuff since i stopped talking to her. hahahahaha. yeah right.

but young women will do weird celebrity worship shit tho. for example, say youre obsessed with the band sublime, so you Chat with the dead singers mother or something. what if That Woman got all into alt right, then skyped with MW for months, and said, if you ever come to the US you can stay with me…….and fook me every way imaginable! no man could turn that down!

when a purty 7/10 25 year old gurl is giving you attention, smiling at you, interested in you, wants to see you…….that is a BIG boost to the confidence!

you might think, well she’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer…..but she doesnt NEED to be! she just needs to be nice and friendly and interested!

so yeah. she could def fook MW if she wanted. she could fook ANY man she wanted. ANY woman can fook ANY man they want ehehehehe. well…..she prob couldnt fook the donald. but an E-list internet “celebrity”? absolutely.

ok ok thats enough on that person.

but we just had a REAL relship! FACT! and it was important to me! FACT! and my feelings are valid! FACT! i am entitled to be upset when i lose a Real Rel that was very important to me! FACT!

trust the process hahaha.

basically, any way you look at it, it was a REAL RELATIONSHIP, and I can’t say that about many women. maybe 2 other women, both just friends, but decent real friends. the women i pseudodated, those were just brief pseudorels, CASUAL rels, i didn’t really know them, these were NOT REAL RELS, so ultimately its prob easier to get over something THAT NEVER REALLY EXISTED.

this shit really existed though. objectively. there is ironclad EVIDENCE that would hold up in court.

so yeah. you can ghost on a casual “rel”, but when you ghost on a REAL rel…….IT HURTS.

the end.

heard about retired guy, had great 30+ year career with DoD, prob insane pension, good man, he’s done well, good white family, good white man. gets PT job in retirement to just get out of the house. scheduled like 4 hours a day. shift starts at 830 am, but he’s gotta start working at 745 am to finish the shit he has to finish by 11:30 am or whatever. i HATE this shit. doing 45 minutes of unpaid work, on a THREE HOUR shift. so you are giving them 33% PERCENT MORE, for FREE. that is like working OVER TWO HOURS FOR FREE on a regular 8-hour day.

30 minutes extra, ok fine. an hour, that’s pushing it. and i am talking about a full 8 hour day.

i HATE when you have to work off the clock just to finish the shit you HAVE to finish by the end of your shift. thats so fooking GAY and JOOISH and I BET that that shit happens a LOT more now than it did 20 years ago.

and like i said before, you cant even brag that you are GREAT about doing this, as a way to demonstrate your value, because you shouldnt even be doing this. no. just say you do the work in 8 hours what average people do in 10. and then actually stay 10 hours to do 10 hours of work. but clock out after 8. fooking skypes. hehehehe.

PURGE THE BERGS AND STEINS!!!!!!!!!!1

had weird dream last night where i was with Woman2005B aka woman4. She was a weird pale white awkward nerdy virgin, very innocent. but also kinda bitchy and unpleasant. i felt woman2015 That Woman was innocent and sweet like her, but an improvement because That Woman was MUCH nicer to me. haha.

anyway in the dream she was smuggling heroin or something like that, and then i was smuggling HER with the heroin. and i was worried about getting her K’d, because people were looking for her and her drugs. I stood to profit from the whole deal too. i had fee fees for her and she was being bitchy and difficult. on the whole the dream was pretty scary with threats of death and violence. pretty sure i got separated from her. i think there was the idea she had gotten captured and was being raept and tortured. and i felt classic survivors guilt, like i sold her out so i could survive.

anyway not a pleasant dream at all. i had to force myself to wake up, and i was glad i did, because it was getting pretty bad. then i turned over on my other side and stayed awake for a few mins, then went back to sleep, no more dream.

andrew anglin is on the TRS forum now!!!!! oooo how exciting.

i guess my ideal career would be a Social Worker or a Counselor helping Neet men and virgin men, with neetism, despair, anxiety, rels, women, careers, becoming a normie.

but social workers dont DO That kind of work. they do work with people who are WAY more fooked up, like people who get abused, addicts, borderline, sociopaths, abusers, violent, drunks, poor blacks, felons, etc. people who are REALLY on the fringes of society, yet manage to reproduce, and ruin their children with their fooked up ness.

oh yeah. that woman in 2005, she was bitchy largely because I was a bitch and totally approached her the wrong way. namely by being a sloppy drunken fool who was clearly in luv at first sight with her. and i couldnt just be like hey wanna hang out like a normal person. i already hung out with mutual friends. if i had tried just talking to her directly one on one, i wouldnt have made such a damn fool of myself. when i am in a group, its harder for me to connect with the people individually……even if there is not as much pressure on me to “perform” and “be interesting.”

but yeah no one likes a drunk weirdo throwing themselves at you, im in luvvvvvvvvvvvvvv with youuuuuuu pleaseeeeeeeeee marry me.  just SO desperate.

and see i thought she was the perfect solution to woman2005A, who had dumped me shortly before, and i was heartbroken and hated her. but I found this GREAT woman shortly after! i guess that must be what a “rebound” is like………if i managed to date 2005B, which i didnt. so i was on the rebound, and got rejected by the rebound, hahahaha. downward spiral. shit i think the rebound girl would have been GREAT, she was better and qter than 2005A. if i had successfully “rebounded” with 2005B, that WOULD have probably fixed everything hahaha.

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/54138/how-to-tell-a-client-a-reported-bug-is-not-actually-a-bug-but-something-they

i should read this moar

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/23737/how-can-i-manage-an-in-person-job-interview-when-i-have-social-anxiety?rq=1

fookin successful normies hahaha nonnevergfs

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/55541/how-can-i-handle-a-co-worker-who-is-infatuated-with-me-but-denies-it?rq=1

aaannnnndddd heres the woman shitting everything up again. womaning up the workplace with her drama about all these creepy niceguys at work being infatuated with her and making her uncomfortable. women in the workplace is such a giant horrible clusterfook. woman in a male dominated field. FOOK YOU. get out of the male field hahahaha. believe me, they dont like YOU either. could actually get some work done without bitches in the office starting drama hahahahaha.

http://www.informit.com/articles/article.aspx?p=2133369

good thoughts here…..but how about some stories, examples, scripts.

i am JEALOUS of her that she has better skills at ADULTING than I do. can handle all those angry customers, tell them no, this cant be fixed, no, you cant talk to the manager, i am the manager now, i make 17 dollars an hour. explaining shit, or being like, no i dont need to explain this, it doesnt matter. just being able to work an adult job and live a mature adult life. so did she handle ME like a mature adult, because i was legit being that bad?

its never gonna be fun for anyone, answering those calls. youre ALWAYS gonna be nervous and stressed. but you just Face The Fear and Do It Anyway. and i jealous she has that skill. that she succeeded exactly where I failed ABYSMALLY.

well i have yet another chance to Face The Fear when going in for my interview tomorrow. another baby step. the 27th baby step.

but the thing is, heres the thing.wav, is that you have to be PERFECT in these things. whether its getting a JOB, or getting a WOMAN. ONE strike and youre GONE. there is PROBABLY more leeway once you actually GET the job (but not with the woman, with the woman, its always walking on eggshells, minefield, until you make that first, last, only mistake.)

like my job was HARD AS FOOK, but there was some leeway in there. ways to cut corners. I found out how to cut corners, how to evade calls, how to tack on a few minutes here and there, taking long lunches, long breaks, figuring out what i could get away with, how to play the game.

but yeah GETTING into the job is so hard!

well, getting into THAT job was SO easy.

but yeah it IS discouraging to get rejected again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again. and i AM pissed that they couldnt hire me for at least one out of THREE part time jobs at the city. that really irks me. one job i can understand. THREE is just insult to injury. REALLY? I wasnt one of the top THREE?

but yeah its gotten me worried about the OTHER two jobs from last week. I would be ECSTATIC, LIFE CHANGER to get any of those two.

and yeah it sucks that WOMEN can handle “adulting” as the women on reddit call it (really gotta stop reading that shit), but it sucks even more than SHE can handle it. i mean yeah she is pretty much my nemesis hahahaha. it just KILLS me how she can totally succeed where I have failed and throw me away like nothing.

ADD INSULT TO INSULT TO INJURY. that’s like TWO insults on top of injury. BROOTAL. SAVAGE.wav.

YOU WILL DRINK THE BLACK SPERM OF MUH VENGEANCE

may 28

that title is from a nile song on the “festivals of atonement” ep from 1995 hahaha. or 1997.

heh. couldnt sleep last night having work worries, like should i take the post office job. i kinda wish i had never even applied for the post office hahahaha. not sure what would be the less shitty job. city carrier, or mail processing clerk.

https://toughnickel.com/industries/CCA-Survival-How-to-Make-it-Through-Your-Postal-Trial-by-Fire

https://toughnickel.com/industries/CCA-Bootcamp-What-to-Expect-During-your-Brief-but-Brutal-Letter-Carrier-Initiation

https://toughnickel.com/misc/So-You-Want-to-Be-a-Mailman-The-CCA-Experience

heh this is not really changing that very uncertain feeling in muh gut

this author “mel carriere” hahahah is actually a very funny and good writer. There are some very intelligent people who currently work in the PO who write very articulate screeds on the internet. but he has a good sense of humor which i do not think i would share.

heh i am now feeling very bad about post office. my gut feeling says no. ok. its ok to feel the feelings. if i were ACTUALLY DESPERATE that would be a LOT different. If I had kids to take care of or i was gonna get thrown out on the street. and many people ARE!!!!! and god bless them and take care of them. but i dont need that help. I recognize muh privilege. and I know that I am too big of a crybaby and not tuff enough to handle this type of stuff.

basically every job that starts you out at 15 bucks an hour is gonna have a CATCH. where it basically sucks so bad you struggle not to RAGEQUIT.

better to shoot for 12 dollars an hour and never have a wife and kids. just bang 20 year old sluts. ok fine. i mean I would like to have a wife and kids. but as an alternative, and not nearly a perfect replacement, I’ll take banging 20 year old sluts.

I kinda felt this way after I finally got over Woman2012 and before I fell in luv with woman2015.

now I can see how insignificant woman2012 was to my life. we barely hung out, barely knew each other.

woman2015 was a lot more significant. we talked and texted and hung out regularly and she told me secrets.

i am kinda butthurt that I was there for her when she needed me, but she left me in the lurch when I really needed HER.

Ok so I need to come up with a good story when the post office offers me their shitty job hahahaha. say sorry but I’ve accepted another offer. With the county water dept hahahahahahaha.  and then tell the water dept i cant take their shitty job because i accepted an offer with the post office hahaha.

well the best bet is this interview i have next week with a FT City job. department clerk. Maybe it will be like a mini call center taking calls 75% of the day. but it is a lot closer and the hours are 9 to 5 and pays like fooking 18 dollars an hour horry sheet.

well. how much of the day would I permit to be Active On Phone Calls for that job? maybe as much as 65% hahahaha. its 5 miles away, 18 bucks an hour, no split shifts, weekends off. consistent schedule.

so yeah I think I will just put the brakes way on the post office stuff.

i was driving down this one street close to home and there is a big industrial area there including a big FEDGOV installation and I was thinking, yep would be nice to get a job there, thats where successful people work hahaha. and then right near there there was a building affiliated with the local college that seemed to promote technical training. like for smarty pants machining and assembly jobs. the college website didnt seem to have too much info on how to actually take classes in this building.

but i am toying with the idea of taking classes to make myself look less lazy. make self look marginally less lazy, by taking 1 class a semester, and having the occasional interview. not bad plan uh?

classes are expensive though. so thats why you only take 1 at a time hahaha.

oooosh. had to fight temptation to look at HER profile on linkedin. cuz i know she is permanently out of a job now and she will prob get a job a lot faster than I will. but WHERE? i know for a fact things are drastically changing in HER life, and I DO want to know where she goes next. somewhere better? somewhere worse? another Call Center? something with LEadership? something that I need to be better than? and she doesn’t care what I’m doing. so Im glad I fought that urge. she was never active on linkedin, but being out of a job and looking for a new one is a good reason to start getting active on linkedin.

I WAS THERE FOR HER, WHY COULDNT SHE BE THERE FOR ME?

well because i was asking too much.

well i WASNT really. I wasnt asking her to be in luv with me, i was just asking her to talk to me and end the rel in a respectable way.

but she was too confused to realize that. she didnt want to understand that.

and she didnt want to make the effort to understand because she just blocked me!

oh well life goes on and i can make up lies as why to not take this post office job. welp they must have chosen that black guy instead hahahahaha. oh well looks like i was guilty of being white. white mans burden, lloyd.

hahahaha.

i am a proud white man but i have the WORK ETHIC of the laziest inger hahaha. i dont want to work, i dont believe hard work will make you free, i dont believe in the american dream, i just want to coast, i am indolent and insolent and shifty and shiftless and surly.

a white man with a black mans work ethic. this is absolutely shameful and degenerate.

heh. well at least I KNOW its shameful and degenerate.

my new thing is to drink 3/4 a cup of 2% milk in the afternoon while waiting for muh Big Meal of Dinner. Actually, to mix in that milk with a cup of coffee, so i am drinking a large very milky coffee.

really i just want to go back to high school and do all the things right that I did wrong. like maybe got into a STEM high school or a vocational program in high school, like some high schools have good Career Prep stuff and teach you machining and Electronics and stuff like that.

Well I didnt really have a lot of say in what high school I went to. I went to a college prep high school so, i was gonna get prepared for college.

thats ok too. I should have just eased off on the AP classes and went to community college or trade school or, at most, local university. NOT a highly-selective, well-known, successful, middle class, high-expectations university at age 18 like I did.

I didnt realize that getting a bad attitude in college would mess up muh life so much. I had a terrible attitude during high school and I got into a very good college. I had a terrible attitude in college and now I have had a TERRIBLE outcome in life. I was expecting tedious, boring, and average at worst. I had no idea how bad it could get hahahaha.

like, get a degree from this well-known school, any degree, even a useless degree, and get a boring job as an office drone.

NOPE. YOU WISH.

but I was 18-21 years old and I knew nothing! I just wanted to sm0ke MJ, drink booze, and bang young college qts!

which is itself the WORST attitude you can have while at college. because it jeopardizes your performance in a solid STEM field. but I didnt think you needed solid performance in a solid stem field. MAYBE if I were going to a “worse” college. but with the name recognition here, I could AFFORD to COAST in a useless nonstem degree and that will be enough.

IT WASNT hahahaha.

its not that I see myself as being ABOVE that sort of work. its more than I am TERRIFIED that I am not TUFF ENUFF 2 HANDLE IT. its again like private pyle and boot camp. i KNOW Im not above it!!! It is probably above me!

or is this a case where i need to SAY YES to something, then FACE MUH FEAR?

I just wish there were a less extreme way of facing muh fear than taking such a damn big RISK. Going out and doing interviews, ok thats a fear facing thing I can do, but accepting such a controversial job seems so damn risky for me. i dont want to go ALL IN like this.

i luv the fatherland 1488 dadcast but I wish there were also a podcast for neet virgin incel omega losers. lazy losers like us who have no hope of having a job or a wife and kids like these lucky fools who get to secure the existence of our people and a future for their white children.

wheres the podcast for the neets. the neetcast hahaha. it’s clearly incumbent on me to do it. show agency.

on episode 27 jim made some remark like he gets a lot of childless men asking to be on the show, and or neets, and then he made some remark like NOPE, we have standards here, we only have men with kids, you can send us your questions, but you can’t come on the show. its NOT COMPLICATED. just meet a nice woman and have kids.

so naturally I and all the other neets will find that very patronizing. believe me I would LOVE to JUST find a nice woman who isnt a god damn traitorous whore, who hadn’t taken 100000000 cox. I dont have a high opinion of my self, but I know I’m better than to Create New White Life with some damn gutter slut.

they think its so damn EASY to find a decent woman and to find a decent job. check your normie nonvirgin privilege, chad hahaha.

so yeah I think they should regularly have neets and at least childless men on. because we want what they have. we listen to the god damn show.

but should you settle for example, with some slut just because she’s white? also the guys didn’t give nearly as much commentary as I would have liked on a forum thread where guys talk about marrying and having kids with single mothers. I don’t want to marry a single mother but SOME guys have done all right with single mothers. how can we diferentiate the good single mothers from the bad single mothers, knowing that being a single mother is itself very risky red flag?  i mean yeah we’d PREFER a woman who was not already a mother!

anyway i just want these guys to understand how hard it is to find a woman who is WORTH having kids with, who isnt a damn whore with 10+ guys. I want a neet or incel to come on the show and give them those hard questions:

should you marry a woman who has been with 10+ guys? has YOUR wife been with 10+ guys? would you marry her if she had?

you do understand many guys have to settle for single mothers because they can’t find decent women who don’t have children. better to just assume they’ve learned from their mistake, rather than they would repeat their mistake.

so yeah hopefully jim goes back on his anti-neet hatred. childless guys are listening to this show because they WANT TO BECOME LIKE YOU. So give them the respect of coming on the show. dont just tell us to have some kids.

BECAUSE WE DONT WANT TO HAVE KIDS with these women!!!!!!!! we want to have kids with GOOD women, like you guys have! you guys actually Luv your wives! and aren’t just knocking up some tattooed slut! you make fun of tattooed sluts just like we do!

applied for the same 26000 dollar entry level county job i applied to 2 weeks ago. they reposted the posting and allowed me to apply again. this time i included two letters of recommendation as opposed to just once like last time.

i forgot about the frustration of applying to the SAME JOBS over and over again because they didnt contact you the first time. it pays less than the post office, but you have a much easier time getting a job at the post office. or a damn call center hahahaha.

i guess if its hard to get……then the better the job IS, right??!?!?!?!?! so I WANT a job thats hard to get. but they’re just so hard to get!!!!!!

reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee just have some kids with the dirty herpes hepatitis bar slut with the neck tattoo and then we can be on your podcast hahahaha. men become deadbeat fathers because the MOTHERS are total shit hahahahaha. you dont abandon your child if you’re having the child with a quality woman!!!!!! if the woman is a train wreck then you run the fook away!!!!

yeah its wrong, yeah you should take care of your kids, but its a lot easier when you love and respect the mother of your children is all i’m saying. and these guys clearly do. they need to RECOGNIZE and respect how hard it is to find a woman like that.

may 29

black pigeon releases a sequel to his controversial and popular vidya hahaha. not a fan of the pornographic (hahahaha) thumbnail but also he does not seem like a butthurt mgtow woman hater either. just speaking from more of a red-pill, pro-white alt right perspective that women vote for antiwhite leaders who bring in more and more outsiders. that women are shitty at defending their ingroup…..but thats not their job, that’s mens job. but they have been given the political power to destroy their ingroup.

so, IMHO, men need to step up and defend the ingroup by preventing women from voting, hahahaha. if every man could keep at least one woman from voting, that would be great.

IDEAS MAN!!!!!!!

so how would you do that?

i dunno do vote shaming. like only sluts and weird weird crazy batshit women vote. oh you vote? you must be a crazy slut catlady who cant get a man. and youre not strong and independent either. youre just crazy and NO ONE LIKES YOU. cool people dont want to hang out with you. the only people that want to hang out with you are losers. the only people that want you are loser creepy men who can’t pull a better woman.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE, BABY?

CREEPBAIT.

oh yeah. had stupid dream with THAT WOMAN again. this is like 3 times in one week, this is RIDICULOUS. And I am actually starting to get over her too! and then the most dreams ever.

Here I was hanging out with 2 male friends, and her, and she was ignoring me and flirting with my male friends. naturally I got butthurt and jealous and mad and started getting angry at her. of course the second you get angry at a woman, you’re the bad guy, so she said something like see this is why I don’t want to hang out with you, your friend is way cooler than you. also I was possibly a little disappointed that my freinds werent taking more of a BROS BEFORE HOES approach.

thing is, she wasnt like that AT ALL. I’ve known other women who were, like woman2004, and yeah that was kinda convenient because it made it a lot easier to hate the woman. and no, no woman was ever doing any serious moves on any of my real close friends.  thank GOD!!!!!

anyway That Woman wasn’t really like that. I don’t want to mischaracterize her and say She’s Like All Women and All Women Are Like That…..because its not true.

so in that sense the dream was bad and inaccurate.

but it didnt really BOTHER me that much thank GOD.

ok one other point. I have been worried that I’m gonna misremember her as our entire relationship was a farce, a relationship simulator, that there was nothing there, that it was a totally one sided rel, much like it was with…..most women i have gotten feelings for.

when its pretty clear there WAS a substantial, real, long term relationship there. and it’s important to me just to recognized that THAT HAPPENED. THAT WAS REAL. that WASNT all in my mind.

And I worry that because of the way it ended, I will remember the relship wrong, and say, welp, its just another woman where the WHOLE REL WAS A FARCE/FRAUD/SIMULATION.

but it wasn’t. many things with women WERE, but NOT THIS ONE. and I don’t want to get confused there. and I have beeen so confused lately hahaha.

what helped me here was I thought about the few other women I had had Real Friendships with. Specifically two other women. maybe 3. I never fell in LUV with them, but we WERE actual friends who hung out regularly and got along well and they didn’t AVOID me and they liked me as a person and thankfully I never Got Feelings.

Anyway we eventually drifted apart with no hard feelings, and many years later, I can STILL look back and say, yep, we had an Actual, Bona Fide, NOnsimulated, Decent Friendship for a decent period of time. I wish them nothing but the best. And I don’t need their reassurance now that the friendship WAS real. I KNOW it was real and thats good enough for me.  and this friendship is in a much different class than all those fake, aborted, farce pseudo-rels I had with other women.

so yeah I don’t want to remember my rel with That Woman as a PSEUDOREL, when it WASNT.

But thinking of the OTHER women I have had legit, bona fide friendships with, it REASSURED me that I won’t misremember things in that way in a few years.

In conclusion, I will be able to look back on That Woman and say yeah, we did have a REAL, legit Relationship. It just ended in the worst way EVER.

just transferred 73 dollars from mturk into muh bank account. gettin paid hahahaha. doesnt feel bad.

also maybe “pseudorel” is a bad word for what I had with Those Other WOmen. I really don’t BLAME myself for getting feelings. Maybe we didnt spend a LOT of time together over the long term, maybe they didnt tell me their deepest darkest secrets and introduce me to their families, but they told me the basics about themselves and offered their  young nubile fertile bodies to me, and I being a young, innocent, naive NiceGui, that activated endorphins and oxytocin and vasopressin in my brain, and I Bonded with them. established an Emotional Connection with them. so that I was confused and very disappointed to see that they could be DONE with me so quickly and easily. Didn’t they BOND with me too? and if they did, how could it disappear so quickly? wtf was WRONG with THEM?

so yeah I don’t blame myself too much there.

maybe is wasn’t a total pseudo rel, but it still wasnt a rel deep rel or a two sided rel.

and at one time, for 2 years, I had a real, nonpseudo, two sided rel with That Woman. I just hoped she would REcognize and Appreciate that. But just because she didnt doesnt mean it doesnt exist.

although lately i’ve been going through a very irrational stage where I am just confused in everything and I doubt everything. how do we KNOW anything. at war with reality hahaha. you cant prove ANYTHING. nothing is REAL. ONLY DEATH IS REALLLLLLL hahahaha.

hahahahha death is real funny hahahah

what about woman2012? was that a pseudorel?

well…..yes and no. it was one sided from the beginning. but she was a nice, honest, moral person. but it was so one sided yeah I can’t say it was ever a REAL rel. but she had good will and good faith. she was just retarded at dealing with men plus she was OBSESSED with her schoolwork. which paid off bigtime for her. well good for her. also when she finally rejected me she did it in the Best Way Ever: Open and Honest Communication.

but yeah that gave me some sense of peace: that I didn’t need HER to CONFIRM that YES, we DID have a REAL Relationship. Just like I don’t need my other female friends to Confirm. Although I’m sure they would be willing to if I Reached out and asked them. But I don’t feel any NEED to. I am SECURE in the knowledge.

fatherland 027 hate to bash jim the anti-neet so much because nick b steves had some GREAT points in this episode, was a great guest. great points on porn like it makes things that arent supposed to be sexual, sexual, so men can’t even TALK to women. they see a woman holding a pen and get nervous and sweaty thinking of porn women holding dicks. the majority of time they spend with women is seeing this artificial hyperstimulus. so they cant interact with women in real life. very sad.

or the idea that gayness is hypersexuality. not EVERYTHING is SEXY.

or the idea that men used to do some pretty gay things together with their male friends but no one even THOUGHT about the gay aspect because gayness wasnt so accepted and tolerated. so you didnt need to say “no homo” every time you complimented a man.

but yeah jim I think you need to rethink your policy. bend a little on this one. have a neet on once in a while. not just the best of the best, one time only. but how about the worst of the worst. like us. hahahaha. we WANT TO BE LIKE YOU remember. we are just STRUGGLING and feel like we are LOSING that battle. support us and pump us up. it’s all about the 14 words. we want the same thing you do. we just would prefer to father our white children with white women who have been with less than 10 guys and have not had any unrepented abortions.

when you have secs with guys so easily it shows a lack of respect for human life.

when you have abortions so easily it shows no respect for human life.

when you discard and replace guys so easy, it shows no respect for human life, that you view people as interchangeable objects.

its SOCIOPATHIC. you put a wall between yourself and the humanity of others.

just the propensity to HURT OTHERS with NO REMORSE. that is what bothers me about women. they just DONT CARE. and this undergirds their approach to secs, abortion, relationships. its DISTURBING and MORALLY WRONG.

do the life creation process with strangers.

casually kill your babies.

casually cut off people who have feelings for you.

all with no remorse, guilt, or shame.

THATS what I dont like about women.

Theyre evil sociopaths. little satans hahahaha.

it seems wrong to FORGET about PEOPLE so easily.

I wouldnt be so butthurt if they showed MORE remorse. just show some damn remorse and i’d feel a LOT better. but even THAT’s too much to ask.  and that’s ridiculous. in an ideal world, you would ask them to feel remorse AND not do evil things. Now you BEG them to just feel remorse for the evil things they do……and they cant even do that.

EVIL BITCHES AND WHORES!!!! LITTLE SATANS!!!! ALL AROUND US!!!!!!!

I dont even trust the WHITE ones. And I trust WHITES in general. well….white MEN. White MEN are by far my favorite group on other, and I am very glad to BE one.

YOUR A FOOKING WHITE MALE! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!!!

i guess dont get mad at women for race mixing because they just dont care about race. ok fine.

but I REFUSE to believe that women just dont care about LIFE, or that they are INCAPABLE of caring about LIFE.  So I will NEVER be soft on them for promiscuity or abortion. Which I guess may be mores serious crimes than race mixing. not that race mixing isnt fooking disgusting!

so much women do is SO FOOKING DISGUSTING!!!! MORALLY REPREHENSIBLE! ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!

ABSOLUTELY DEGENERATE

absolutely degenerate

hey im also critical of myself, not just evil women.

but i dont go around spraying sperm into errant cvnts and playing around with LIFE the way THEY do. I dont discard people like used Con-doms.  Failing to live up to your potential seems like a minor sin compared to that!

I just want to be treated like a HUMAN BEING by women, hahahaha. is that so much to ask hahaha.

how come women can’t treat humans like humans?

because theyre evil sociopaths!!!! OBVIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!

I WOULD NEVER TREAT WOMEN THE WAY THEY HAVE TREATED ME!!!!!!!!!

THAT is why I Hate Women!!!!!

I would STILL never treat them the way they have treated me!

Because I TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY I WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED!!!!!!

I have very low self esteem and dont really like myself that much, but I still want to be treated NICELY! So I am NICE to other people! Including women and nonwhites! I am nice to EVERYONE as a RULE!

so yeah basically i discovered that I DONT NEED HER to TELL ME that we had a REAL Friendship.

And this is reassuring. because before I doubted my ability to KNOW anything, to trust my on mind, essentially. That I was losing my grip on reality and I didnt know what was real and what was imaginary. In terms of my Rels with Women I mean, not in a schizo sense where you hallucinate shit.

but still its VERY distrubing to think that your mind can be SO WRONG on something SO IMPORTANT to you, that you can’t tell reality from your imagination. VERY distrubing. of course the WOMEN do play a role in that as well. they shouldnt be cutting you off so harshly. they should be treating you like a human being. I AM NOT AN ANIMAL! I AM A HUMAN BEING!

they should respect that NOT EVERYONE’S OXYTOCIN RECEPTORS ARE AS FOOKED UP AS YOURS (i mean their own).

NOT EVERYONE YOU FOOK IS AS FOOKED UP AS YOU ARE, BITCH hahahaha

some of us still think The Life Creation Process MEANS something.

EXCUSE ME for having RESPECT for LIFE AND THE PROCESS THAT CREATES IT.

EXCUSE ME for treating the people I do the Life Creation Process with LIKE HUMAN BEINGS. JEEEZ.

I like this young female golfer jessica korda, she is just beautiful. my ideal woman probably. young, non potatoey, natural blond, very innocent looking. horry sheet.

much beautiful, very wow hahahaha

she has this very young, girlish, innocent look to her, like she hasnt been with too many guys. i hope she hasn’t.

anyway I would totally marry her hahahaha. not likely to happen tho haha.

technically I saw pictures of “gay porn” today as I did an mturk task, approving pictures for apparently a gay male dating site as clean or dirty. some of the perverted degenerates took Dick Pics or even pictures of their gay assholes. the Instructions even showed a man sucking another mans dick and another man sticking a dildo up his ass. (as an example of what would be considered SEXUAL and should be rejected) I did not stare at those pictures too long. I finished the task and decided to not take any more from that group.

the user submitted pictures did not contain gay sex but did have a few Selfies of their Dicks and Gay ASsholes.

I mean that jessica korda is just RADIANT. She looks like a nice sweet gurl. I could be very very wrong but I do like that look a lot. My female FORMER friend had that look kinda. other times she looked like an ice cold bitch. But she was actually really really really nice. until the end. when she was really ice cold. that sucked.

anyway I do not count these gay pictures towards my porno strike. which stands at 202 days so far. basically I had to intentionally seek out the porno and probably massage the meat while watching it. typically what men do with porno. but yeah i have since then decided to go on strike and never look at it again. it can bring me NOTHING good. I encourage ALL men to CEASE THIS F4GGOTRY AT ONCE.

It can ONLY do you good to NEVER look at it again.

oh fook you johns hopkins organ donation, did it ever occur to you that i finished the survey and THEN accepted then HIT, because sometimes you forget to accept the hit before clicking on the survey, but YOU have the power to prevent that?

I sent them a dispute and hopefully they arent little bitches to me. youre working for johns hopkins, you are already a winner in life and can probably pull a good mate and definitely a good job. and i dont care about the 15 cents, I care about my Worker Reputation. it’s not easy to keep it above 99%.  every rejection knocks you down a LOT, just like in real life life, and if you’re rejected more than 1% of the time, you’re consiered a loser.

this Korda gurl is of CZECH descent. well good for her. I like Czechs. some beautiful slavs there. Would bang hahahaha. would marry/10 hahahaha

WOULD FATHER WHITE CHILDREN WITH/10

we slavs probably are more emotional and hot-blooded than the cool-headed, more rational aryan hyperborean ubermensch, but thats just the way it is.

Maybe That Woman was so cowardly to me because she was not a Slav so she could not relate to me on my level. She was a Scots or Irish or something. I think. Well this is BS, I think all Whites are capable of being decent to each other, whether they are a Slav or a Saxon.

Should I have KNOWN BETTER, getting feelings for a Non-Slav?

I think this is going a bit too far. I luved her just as much as I could luv any Slav woman, any HUHWHYTE woman.

they say its not luv, its infatuation. this is disqualifying the validity of your fee fees.

MUH FEELINGS ARE VALID! If I say I luved you, then its luv!

This is different that if she feels betrayed, then I betrayed her. no, i didnt DO that. you can TEST that. just like you could TEST that I luved her. she didnt luv me, fine, that’s valid, i agree with that. BUT DONT TELL ME HOW I FEEL!!!!!!!!!!

AND DONT TELL ME I DID SOMETHING I DIDNT!!!!!

At this point, thank GOD, I am over the Betrayal Issue, ie I just dont care any more.

she can think whatever her idiot brain thinks, but shes WRONG. just like I was WRONG about……..well I wasnt WRONG for luving her. It’s no surprise i fell in luv with her. And I never thought my chances were GOOD. I was just WRONG to think she would have more courage and spine here.

whys it so important to me that SHE felt the rel was important to HER? well because that is necessary for it to be a Real Rel and not a Pseudorel that was all in my mind, THATS WHY.

If you WANT an explanation, you wont be satisfied with ANY explanation hahahaha.

so you could say the same about me wanting an explanation from her!

well i didnt really want an EXPLANATION, I jsut wanted SOMETHING. Well, I wanted Kindness and Respect and Courage and to be treated like a Human Being. I don’t care about an explanation. The explanation is she’s Just Not That Into Me. I already KNOW the explanation.

I am more concerned with being Tuff Enough to handle Tuff Jobs like Post Office where you get RODE all day.

We really didnt get RODE much at the stupid call center. Sure there was a gentle push to be like yeah theres a little room for improvement here, but I know your job is tuff and you’re doing good, you are generally really good. i guess its nothing like that at the post office. supervisors follow you around in their cars to make sure you are going fast enough. you cant go to the bathroom. you know why they dont even knock on the door when they have a package?

BECAUSE THEY DONT HAVE TIME TO WAIT AN EXTRA 10 SECONDS FOR EVERY PACKAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!

because the new people are held to the same standard as the veterans!

because the standards are already ridiculous! it is VERY DIFFICULT to meet the BARE MINIMUM! its one thing to get bitched at if you are slacking. but when you are busting ass trying to do the bare minimum, and getting bitched at…..you need to hire more people and give them more time to do it. replace broken equipment that causes processors and then clerks to start late.

or if you want the routes done faster, have more people do them.

or train them better.

i mean thats why they hire PSE’s, to avoid paying career people overtime.

yet they often give pse’s a lot of overtime.

so………….why not just hire more pse’s and not pay ANY of them overtime?

I think that would be a win for the company wouldn’t it? also the PSE’s who are not getting any time off would like it.

similar thing in my old company there. there was a lot of overtime . i thought, why didnt they just hire more people?

so heres my theory: because it would cost MORE to hire enough people to find people who are GOOD enough that you would WANT them to work overtime. you just lay off the people who “arent getting it fast enough” but realize they are also expensive for having to pay unemployment.

BUTTTTTTTT….. you hire and lay off a bunch of people ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and the people who don’t stay long probably wont get enough HOURS to be ELIGIBLE for unemployment anyway! you need to make x0000 dollars in the past 5 quarters.

so hire a lot of people LIKE YOU DO ANYWAY, just hire MORE and that way you wont have to pay ANYONE overtime. even if the people you usually give overtime to are your more skilled people.

maybe thats the argument. the skilled people are SO skilled, they add more VALUE being paid OVERTIME than the average person does not being paid overtime.

but when you are working OVERTIME, arent you more likely to be tired and stressed and upset and add LESS value?

and there is a whole CASTE of BUSINESS ANALYSTS who are supposed to use statistics to answer all these legit important questions!

anyway, the answer to things that dont make sense like this is ALWAYS…..because it SAVES money.

so it SAVES MONEY to pay 100 hours of overtime, than to hire 10 new people?

i guess. businesses have been known to be wrong.

because it SAVES MONEY IN THE SHORT TERM. that is the better answer. The shit could be HORRIBLE for the long term, but the SHORT TERM IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE LONG TERM.

makes sense right? YOU CANT HAVE A LONG TERM WITHOUT A SHORT TERM!

So I hate how this leads to constantly changing shit that is OBVIOUSLY bad for the long term, just to cut costs in the short term.

FIRST DF POAST IN AT LEAST A MONTH:::::
Great topic and great thoughts by everybody! I know that pain as well.

Not to offer unsolicited advice (hahahaha) I would tentatively lean towards meeting with the “MILF” (some people may quite understandably construe that term as disrespectful, but I know what you mean!) and just trying to have fun meeting someone new who you are attracted to. At the very worst, it will be an interesting story. Maybe think of it like that. Very low expectations, just trying to have fun talking to somebody.

Of course I don’t advocate using fellow human beings purely as “experience fodder” but…..I think experience CAN increase a man’s confidence, and IMHO confidence is so ridiculously important for men to have. Confidence might be THE most important aspect of a man’s personality when it comes to meeting women ( and THE most important thing in preventing depression and low self-esteem. Basically confidence is one of the most important things a man can have, period.) I can say this because I have been very unsuccessful with women and I have very low confidence, hahaha. Only somewhat kidding. But, when I have had some very limited success with women….I was at a relative high of confidence. And certainly this generates the opposite of a vicious circle: a self-perpetuating awesome circle of confidence, if you will, where confidence makes you more successful with women, which in turn makes you even more confident, etc.

Problem is, many of these “confident” guys are also narcissistic DBags as we all have seen, and I agree that these NARCISSISTS are some pretty f’ed up, toxic people, which people with a healthy self-image would not want to be associated with.

But there are also good confident people too. Good confident vs bad confident. Maybe you have a male friend who is a total happy go lucky “normie.” He seems to have everything: decent job, decent relationship, but is also himself a decent guy. Just a really good, decent, well-rounded, admirable guy, who is not a dbag. Well, maybe you don’t know anybody like this! But I am basically trying to describe a man who has a healthy, respectful kind of confidence. A real decent good guy, vs a narcissistic “Bad Boy” Thug. The latter I see as being a Mere Caricature of the Authentic Masculinity presented by the former. I hope I don’t have to explain why one should strive for the authentic over the inauthentic!

I am trying to think of a celebrity or a character I could use as an example of Good Confidence. I can’t really, hahaha. Maybe Hank Hill from King of the Hill. Just a solid, respectable man, who is confident in himself, but also very respectful and kind to others.

So I would still tentatively encourage you to meet up with the older woman, and let us know how it goes. It could be fun, and help your confidence. Or it could be a total clusterf**k, but at least it will be a very interesting story, hahaha.

I don’t really think we need to be worried about you “using the woman for experience” when you have no intention of having a serious relationship with her……because I think there are probably many women on Tinder who go into it with those very same expectations! (Well, they might call it “having fun” or “casual dating” or “meeting new people to hang out with.” Point is, it’s very unlikely this woman will want to marry you on the first date, hahaha, and vice-versa.) The important thing is that you have clear communication of both yours and her expectations and wants, and to not lead anybody on. Just have open, honest, grown-up communication. (I realize this is easier said than done. But I think most of us on DF are emotionally articulate people who are more than capable of communicating their thoughts and feelings to others!)

So I say go for it, just don’t lie to anyone. (I mean in the sense of “leading on” someone who wants a serious relationship, when you don’t. If you’re like me, you’ve only ever been on the receiving end of that and not the giving end! But I worry about accidentally doing to others what has been done to me. Anyway, I don’t think it’s THAT hard not to lead somebody on! Just have open, honest communication.) (Of course you are entitled to not talk about anything you don’t feel comfortable talking about, for example she asks you about other relationships you have had. Then I might “get creative” and bend the truth a little bit, while steering the conversation towards a new topic, with a confident smile, hahaha)

Confidence is SO important to a man’s well-being, and this is an opportunity for you to build confidence without hurting anyone. (Not that I would ever recommend hurting anyone anyway! I am referring to “bad” confidence and narcissism, in which people essentially gain a sense of power by controlling others.)

Good luck and feel free to update!

END POAST

30 year old man in a horrid retail job, and nevergf, kissless virgin, tired of seeing qt gurls all day, with dbags, and he can’t get anyone to swipe right on him on tinder, and he is lonely and frustrated. He is debating whether to go out with a “44 year old MILF” from tinder. I tentatively encourage him to do it.

oh yeah. i havent listened to any milliennial woes for months. i kinda felt guilty so I donated 5 dollas to him the other day IM SO GENEROUS AND KIND.

but I also watched a few recent vidyas and my god they were good and I would give them a DUMPTRUCK of Likes:

 

 

some good stuff about men, women, mgtows, rapeugees, and why women should probably not have the vote because they will gladly WELCOME IN THEIR OWN CONQUERORS, and on some level possibly want to be conquered (my words not MW’s!!!!!!) and they just dont have the long term vision or racial awareness or big picture thinking to see how welcoming hordes of barbaric male rapeugees could POSSIBLY be a bad thing. because we’re helping the needy, and omg those syrian men are so much secsier than the wimpy girly men at home! (again my words not MW’s, but this is kinda what he is saying, in a much more classy way.)

also, MW has a tom petty and the heartbreakers shirt which he wears sometimes in some vidyas, and this might be it. only kewl people like me and MW like TP and the HBs. Always a good sign.

ANYWAY, the guy certainly has not declined in quality and I would like to donate ANOTHER 5 dollars to him this year hahahahaha. there is a damn good REASON he is at the top of muh list. I have just become a bit more 1488 than him hahaha. he needs to stop being so NICE and CIVIL. shit I need to stop being so NICE and CIVIL.

TREAT THESE PIGS LIKE THE PIGS THEY ARE!!!!!!!

THE RESPONSIBILITY TO SAY “WE NEED TO TALK”

924

yeah feeling guilty today cuz i was WEIRD and PUSHY and by doing that i ruined the rel. and if i had just stayed back, i would have saved the rel.  i could have stayed back but still tried to have an important talk with her on the phone or email or text. just blurted it out.

What If I had just blurted it out in like January or Feb?

talk about Talking About the Issue Directly!

i pushed her away!!!!! its my fault! if i hadnt been so pushy we would have gotten married and lived happily ever after!

when you see that is totally wrong.

well WHAT IF she WOULD have gotten feelings if i hadnt pushed her away?

when have i ever pushed somebody away by being pushy and weird?

this literally might have been the first and only time! normally when i get dumped i haven’t really pushed them AWAY, they just notice my feelings and say sorry cant do this, then its over.

but i never pushed someone away because i tried too hard, and too weirdly. after trying with woman2012 she sent me an email saying yeah i think you like me, sorry, cant do this. cuz i sent the blatant signal of touching her arm in a movie theatre.

but see we were actually HANGING OUT. if i could have gotten woman2015 to a movie theatre or restaurant or park i would have touched her damn arm too! but i couldnt get her to agree to hang out! and that was veyr frustrating!

yeah in the future i will just blurt it out in an email.

went for 4 mile walk hahaha. nice.

did someone ever push ME away by wanting to hang out too much? well there was this guy in college who i went to high school with and always thought was WEIRD, but i hung out with him a little bit in college because i was lonely and had no friends and he did all the work hahahaha. and sometimes he could get alcohol and i liked to drink! but ultimately he was TOO fooking weird, he had symptoms of narcissism, bipolar, maybe borderline. just Too Much To Handle. he might have had a gay obsession with me, i dont even know. he had even bigger issues than i did!

he was not a bad guy, just too much to handle, not the type of person i really needed in my life, and he was more attached to me than i was attached to him. hehehehe sound familiar?

bbbbbut there were differences too, i dont think me drifting away from him broke his heart; also there was always tension from him being super ridiculous, and i was never that way with her. i mean this guy was insane but i tolerated it because i was that friendless! but with me and her, we were both chill to each other and there was no real tension until 2 years in.  shit.

hahahah i might need to find some more articles on google.

“closure is a luxury” hahahaha well yes. no shit. also if he knew he had feelings for her then why does he want to continue the friendship. because youre addicted to the person and do not want them out of your life, so you can still luv them, even if you know they will never luv you. that part doesnt matter!

anyway she ignored him for no apparent reason and it broke his heart cuz they seemed like such good close friends.

http://www.wikihow.com/Confront-Someone-Who’s-Giving-You-the-Silent-Treatment

QUOTE:

6
Express how this makes you feel. The cold shoulder is painful to the recipient. Let this person know that you do sincerely want to work things through, but if that’s not going to happen in the near future, you may not continue “volunteering” to be frozen out.
Example: “It really hurts that you’re shutting me out, and I wish you would talk to me so we could put this behind us. If this continues much longer, I’m going to need to stop waiting and just assume that you do not want to be friends anymore. I don’t want to do that, which is why I’m telling you now.”

ENDQ

ok thats pretty good.

(google: friend wont talk to me)

http://friendship.about.com/od/Conflicts_With_Friends/a/When-Your-Friend-Pulls-Away-From-You.htm

yeah you are not supposed to push them, you are supposed to give them space.

also she was having some personal/family issues which contributed to her distance.

ok i guess in the future hahahaha send them an email earlier, asking direct clear questions earlier. it was so hard to give her space because…..well because i had FEEEEEELINGS and it was more than just a Friendship to me.  plus i felt like i was waiting forever.

i dunno the whole god damn thing was shitty and i brought some of it on myself.

did a second 4 miler.

yeah this is such a hard heartbreak because more than ever i feel it was my FAULT, something i could have prevented if i had just been smarter or more courageous or more experienced or more masculine.

in the other things, the girls blatantly dumped me, sat me down and told me it was over, so it was easy for me to make them the bad guy, and me the good guy. for me to hate them and feel so wronged. and feel no guilt.

but here i feel a lot of guilt, like i made her do this!

and then some days i feel less guilt. but today i feel very guilty.

it wasnt “just” a matter of me being pushy to a friend. the reason for the pushiness was the difference in feelings.

also, i was aware from the very beginning : “I DONT WANT TO BE PUSHY. O GOD.”

so i was very careful about trying not to be pushy! i would ask her to hang out once every two weeks rather than every single week.

and every time i approached her i was apologizing. and saying “sorry for being pushy” pretty clearly.

i wish i could have said “WE NEED TO TALK” more directly. that would have done it too.

she probably knew i wanted to talk but it was still MY RESPONSIBILITY to SAY it.

she shirked her responsibilities, i shirked mine. who shirked first? hahahaha.

well i was hurt and offended and rejected when she always blew me off and never wanted to hang out. at that time, i thought it was inevitable we’d hang out somewhat soon, have the talk, get the shit over with. i dunno. when she kept doing that i should have said something. that was crossing a boundary.

but she sorta apologized for that in like april or may.

well that was nice but still it wasnt a real talk. i was constantly holding out hope that we would hang out in april/may/june. but no.

but i could have talked to her on the phone or email or text. i should have seen by that time that i had been waiting too damn long.

but i apologized 10000000 damn times every time i emailed her!

but she did not see those apologies as sincere. just lies. empty words.

i didnt really want to be pushy. i just wanted to talk. so i shuld have just said “i would like to TALK plz.”

so yeah its really all my fault hahahaha.

she was confused! she had no idea i wanted to talk to her! she had no idea i liked her! i was just this creepy weirdo acting weird to her all the time and always wanting to hang out, and apologizing for being pushy, and then he got more into writing emails and talking about communication, and he had changed a lot, become weirder and pushy and needy.

shit. i just cant take this. i mean i cant contact her and apologize AGAIN.

well the key thing to keep it mind is that it wasnt all my fault. its not like i was beating her or abusing her. i was being passive aggressive though.

heh how am i gonna forgive MYSELF hahaha.

but the key thing is, if she had feelings for me, she would have responded differently. probably wanted to hang out, or would have been nicer, or responded to emails, or something. key thing is, she didnt have feelings, so its not like if i had communicated better, i would have ended up with her, happily ever after. never would have happened ever.

i am just ashamed that i couldnt have been more STRAIGHTFORWARD, and she is probably angry about the same.

my excuse was, well we’re going to hang out soon. and i will tell her then. i honestly thought we would get together eventually and talk. and i was much more willing to do THAT than to write an email or Blurt It Out.

so yeah some days i blame her, i think 60% of days hahaha, but i get some real bad days where i blame myself. i pushed her to this. and the idea that i pushed the person i Truly Loved away forever. how can i live with that kind of guilt?

over 2 months later and still no damn perspective on it.

shouldnt even be talking about BLAME!!! usually i like to blame the other person and its a way to get over it, make them the bad guy. now i feel like the bad guy. how could she do this? why did she do it like this? because i pushed her to it.

why does she not want to reconcile with me? becuase i pushed her to it.

why did she want out of the rel? because i pushed her to it.

and just a few days ago i said she was at fault and was angry at her. now i am angry at myself fore me being at fault.

well i know i discussed this exact thing with the shrink. shrink said…..i cant remember. something like i didnt deserve this kind of pain? that it Takes Two?

so you should try to meet someone halfway but no more. then you encroach on their territory. so youre not doing them any favors by “meeting them at their door” rather than “meeting them halfway.” by the time you are at their door, then you’e scared them away. away out of their house. then you are not even halfway.

925

well got soem decent sleep and feel a little better. not so guilty. it takes two. i might have given the olive branch in a stupid ineffective wierd pushy way, but she was not giving an olive branch at all.

had a dream which featured a young woman who had started at our job and who was very attractive. in feb and march and april i was getting angry and passive aggressive at The Woman (correct response: should have said “WE NEED TO TALK” and snet her a letter/email right then, or earlier, saying “i have feelings for you”, drop the mic.) and i was like, shit this New Girl is like a Better Version of The WOman: they are similar physically in having long legs and long hair and pale skin, but this New Girl is technically more attractive and is probably not such a damn bitch hahahaha. and she is younger and maybe has less Baggage. (one of My Types is long legs, pale skin, long hair.)

so i had a dream where i was with that new girl and she was like im gonna get in this hot tub right now, i’m gonna get naked, dont get weirded out. and then she got completely naked and i glimpsed her beautiful young nakd body before she got in the tub. that was exciting, and possibly boded well for me to get with her physically……….but its also a warning sign for a woman to be so comfortable getting naked in front of strangers. i might be able to have secs or make out with her, but with someone who Gave It Away so easily……it did not bode well for the long term. but oh well. better some enjoyment in the short term than no enjoyment at all.

https://www.youtube.com/user/TheLatsbrah

i have seen this guy on youtube for a while, and might start watching his non bodybuilding videos hahaha. he is super ridiculous and his pictures look kind of homosexual, but i like his concern for degeneracy, and right wing interests, and masculinity, overcoming hardship with strength rather than whining about it like a weak omega hahaha. plus he seems to have genuine compassion sometimes, which i admire, rather than being a total narcissist, which may be misleading when he refers to himself as a narcissist. well he has reason to be self confident to the point of vanity, being in good shape, success in life, probably not a virgin hahahaha.

i agree that Lifting is good, strength training, i would like to get into it some day hahahaha. of course i am way older than this guy!

when you get into the Depths of Despair, it is very easy to HATE, hate everyone who is more successful than you (which is everybody!), hate nonvirgins, hate women who are all degenerate sluts having casual sex and giving themselves away easily but never to you; hate all the degenerates you see around you, and there is degeneracy everywhere you look; hate people who mkae 15DAH;

yeah i def have less guilt today thank god.

i was stupid and pushy but i was pushy out of a desire to resolve things. she just had no desire to resolve anything. because i pushed her hahahaha.

anyway i would truly like to bang that other gurl i had in muh dream and also she might be worth cuddling and dating if she were not a huge high number whore, which i’m not certain she was! not all women are like that hahahaha by that i mean whores.

its just so fookin ridiculous though. after guilt day yesterday i am very tempted to contact her….and what. apologize AGAIN when she wuld not beleive it? make myself look even more like the creepy weird bad guy who cant get over it? and she wouldnt even READ it let alone RESPOND to it?

how could she do this? because i pushed her!!!!!!!!!

well she also could have reacted differently. she could have responded in some way. she could have said we have to talk hahahaha.

yeah i would straight up cuddle with that other new gurl hahaha as well as bang her. wish i could. that would help with this situation. wish i could just pay a gurl to be with me hahahaha.

problem is, that new gurl is way “OUT OF MY LEAGUE” way too atractive and young for a loser like me!

even The Woman was out of my league, because she was young and attractive and childless, but less so, and more attainable perhaps for a guy of my omega status ahhaahaha. oh wait omegas never get gurlz hahahaha.

looks like time for another 4 miler i guess. will listen to “the golden one” and see what he has to say. it is good to be able to discipline yourself to get into great shape like that, plus lifting builds testosterone, which is very good for men.

yep i should have jsut said “WE NEED TO TALK” rather than please hang out with me, please hang out with me. and then if she blew off my call to talk, i would have sent an email saying excatly what i wanted to say.

so yeah that was my mistake, my responsbilitiy i failed. but does that mean that it was ALL MY FAULT for the failure of the entire rel? no it doesnt. she could have wanted to talk too, to show some interest in talking about our problemz. maybe she would have also approached it awkwardly like i did, but she probably would have done something similar: show interest in hanging out with me, or perhaps emailing me if she did not want to hang out. but she did not want to hang out or email. she just wanted to avoid the talk altogether.

because i pushed her?

but i didnt start out pushing her so much. i was good for about 4 months. then things went from acceptable to pretty bad.

I DONT ALWAYS FIND A WOMAN I WANT TO HAVE A SERIOUS REL WITH, BUT WHEN I DO, SHE BREAKS MUH HEART HORRIBLY & IT TAKES YEARS TO GET OVER IT

98

aw sheet. welp. go to shrink today. still obsessed with the damn woman. last night i grabbed the rosary again and waved it around my head, saying “PLEASE LORD ERASE HER FROM MY MEMORY”. cuz this is just ridiculous.

try to get muh 8.4 miles in today. or is it 8.6. 2.8 times 3 is….8.4 ok.

so i was not blameless, but what she did was at least two times worse than what i did. therefore, Culpability is split 66 33. doesnt look good for her.

she is basically the one that screwed it up. sabotaged it. i BEGGED her to meet me halfway and please try to not necessarily fix this, but dont hurt me so much. she staunchly refused. because its easier to do nothing than to even try to mitigate some of that hurt. so thats how much she cares for me, just lets me drown!

its just sad and painful that Modern Women let men stick their dicks in them and the women have no feelings for the men. not on my watch! i mean i dont blame the men. this is men’s nature. the men are not going against their nature. but i think the women ARE going against THEIR nature!

this WHOLE situation is just unbelievably retarded. my life has been turned upside down.

ok so she didnt do a 180 because she was already 90% checked out, so she just did the remaining 10%. it wasnt 100% all at once.

well it didnt feel like that to me! I didnt KNOW she was THAT much checked out! i didnt think she was possibly more than 50% checked out!!!! so thats why it felt like a 180 to me!

also, 180 or 10 or whatever, REGARDLESS of how she felt about me, I thought she was a BETTER PERSON than that. I thought I KNEW HER better. I can Know Her regardless of whether i know How Much she’s Checked Out on Me. I thought I KNew her, i thought she was a decent person who would never treat ANYBODY like this.

well i dont think she would treat just anybody like this. just me. or just guys in unrequited luv with her.

i think that is prob most likely. this is just how she treats guys who like her but who she doesnt like.

which, suprisingly, doesnt happen TERRIBLY often with her, compared to Average Young Women, who have 9000000000 Beta/Omega Orbiters in luv with them at any given moment!

sometimes the women just dont do anythign and just LET the guys be in luv with them. I imagine those guys probably eventually snap too.

but yeah it is like i was stabbed in the heart!

weird. i can do a LITTLE bit more and some of my most Overt Symptoms are improving, but i am still as Heartbroken as Forever, my heart is still not at rock bottom yet!

sooooo fooking retarded and stupid and i cant believe any of this shit even happened. still sort of in shock.

i sort of DO hope this eats her up and makes her feel horribly guilty!!!!! she SHOULD!!!! this is a horrible thing to do to a person!

well she will express her guilt and shame by fooking all sorts of guys she has no feelings for hahahaha. why not me hahahaha. i would have enjoyed 2 seconds of cuddling. or making out would have been very special to me. now she will let swarthy scumbags Aggressively ram their cox down her throat as she slobbers all over their cox. fooking disgusting and horrifying.

are u foking kidding! of COURSE i want her to “come to her senses” and say im sorry lets talk about this. but that is not gonna happen. and me contacting her is not gonna MAKE it happen, in fact it will make me look even more like a creepy bad guy. no thank you.

even though SHE is more the bad guy than me (66 33), she can still convince everyone she knows that I was the bad guy, because shes the woman and im the man. and the INSTANT i make her “feel uncomfortable” then she can treat me HORRIBLY because at that point ive crossed the line.

honestly though i can think of several sensible people she talks to, about 3 or 4 of them, and i would think that if she told them the full honest story, theyd tell her, dont you think youre being a little harsh to him, you should at least talk to him. so i think shes either not saying anything to them (oh were fine, were still friends, nothing happened) or she is twisting the truth (“he made me feel uncomfortable, so he is the bad guy and deserves no mercy whatsoever”)

(“FAT SHAMING IS A THING” shut the fook up fat bitch hahahaha go powerwalkjog 8 miles a day.)

i made her feel uncomfortable but NOT UNSAFE. there is a big difference.

when you have Issues in your relationship, it SHOULD be uncomfortable.

I WAS UNCOMFORTABLE TOO!!!!

thats why i wanted to talk about it. not to FIX it because it couldnt be fixed, but to be BE HONEST and RESPECTFUL and MATURE and have good KARMA and good COMMUNICATION and be RESPONSIBLE and DEAL WITH shit rather than AVOIDING and IGNORING shit.

come on.

maybe the mature acceptable thing is, when a friend gets feelings, youre just SUPPOSED to not talk to them ever again, and the idea of talking about the feelings, talking about the state of the relationship, is patently ridiculous, and no normal mature healthy adult would ever do this. maybe the right normal thing to do is to just ignore and avoid and not deal with it, but just throw it away like shit.

i cant believe that. because i am in so much pain and feel so slighted. i didnt want to “make her luv me.” i just wanted to TALK to her. and i am hurting a lot and she is hurting not nearly as much, and i think talking about it would have signif reduced my hurt, tho not eliminated it, but at least reduced it by 50%! and that would be great!

all she would have to do is talk abotu it. and by talk i mean responding to any of my 4 emails would have been respectable.

98 later

ok went the shrink.

what did we get out of it. shrink urged to accept that its over and try to move on. it will be painful and may take months and months and months. i said i know i shouldnt contact her and i probably wouldnt, but its still a daily struggle, and still i am tempted to.

shrink said she probably would not respond and i have to live with that, and probably should not contact.

i said well maybe i did deserve this because i made her feel uncomfortable, and men should never do that to women.

shrink said well communication is the key to a healthy relationship.

there was the issue of the woman kinda sorta implied that i was annoying her once back in like february. so i should have listened and stopped bugging her. and i think i did “behave” for a little while, for a few weeks.

but that was still just fooking avoidance. now i was the bad guy for wanting to communicate about an obvious problem.

AT THIS POINT YOU WRITE AN EMAIL AND OR BLURT IT OUT.

when the woman expresses annoyance at your efforts to communicate…………..

………….but you actually still have not communicated about the issue yet.

what the fook.

so shrink encouraged to do some positive self affirmations, look at self in the mirror and say i am a good worthwhile person, i am getting better day by day, i deserve love and kindness, i am getting over this, it is painful but i will get over it someday, today i am gonna choose to make it a good day, when i think of her, i will choose not to obsess about it, and treat myself with gentle loving kindness. i did not deserve to be treated that way. its over and i will get over it and move on.

i said well maybe i DO DESERVE it because i was being NEEDY and CLINGY and made her UNCOMFORTABLE.

but in my heart of hearts, do i really think i DESERVED this? of course not!

i wasnt pushing her to Be In Luv with me, i was pushing her to talk about our god damn problems and she kept avoiding it!

shrink said, interesting, to notice what we had problems commuincating about, and i could learn a lesson from that.

i said i agree 100%, interesting you mention that, becuase even while things were still “GOOD” a year ago, and we communicated pretty good, there were Things We Never Mentioned. Both I and She were too scared to mention them directly: like her new boifran. she wasnt gonna bring it up, and i wasnt gonna bring it up. i was too scared to bring it up and she SURE AS HELL wasnt gonna bring it up.

i should have just asked directly about her new boifran.

and then said, “WOW, IM SURPRISED. I didnt think youd be dating somebody SO SOON. lets TALK ABOUT THAT.”

and that would have made us comfortable with communication about Her Romantic Life, and would have ABSOLUTELY opened the door to me talking about my feelings about her.

“how do you feel about me? could you ever date a guy like me? have you ever developed feelings for a friend? do you think we could ever go out someday? we get along real well and we trust each other and i wonder if we should try that. especially if this guys a jerk and cheats on you.”

we could have had discussions like that, early on, and shit would have never built up the way it did.

so, those topics you dance around can end up having a fookin ripple effect a year later.

like youre afraid to talk about her boifrans directly…………then you will also have trouble facing the elephant in the room when YOU have feelings for her and want to be her boifran!

lesson learned: dont be afraid to commuincate with your female frend directly and EARLY about her Secsy Relationshits. USE THAT to open the door to talk about You And Her. even if you dont have feelings for her YET.

say, “I dont have feelings for you………YET.”

just be fooking honest!!!!!!! no need to make up stories!!!!!!!!!

say, “i dont have feelings for you……….yet. but in the past i have developed feelings for my female friend after 2 years of planktonic frenship. also, sometimes i think its weird that i dont have feelings for you, BECAUSE: we get along really well; we commuincate well; we respect each other; we like each other; i am a tender sentimental cuddly guy who could theoretically provide the Affection you like; also you are not hard on the eyes! even if im not in luv withyou and dont jerk off thinking about you………..yet, i can appreciate you are a good looking woman. so yeah, given all this, 50% chance i could develop feelings for you within 3 months, and i think we should revisit this conversation regularly, and we should both think about that regularly. rather than you secretly dating scumbag shady sleazy guys who treat you bad. i would treat you a lot better.”

BAM. perfect conversation. say that as SOON as she Breaks Up with her Long Term Boifran. at the latest, as SOON as you even THINK she is dating someone new.

talk about the elephant. talk about her relationships. shit talk about YOUR relationships! talk about yours and hers relationship!

the pick up artists say dont “just be yourself”, becuase bitches dont like your beta pussy unmasculine self.

i say just be your damn self but dont let yourself be walked on and crapped on, be assertive, and be honest.

i remember one day at the job complaining to my male friend, who gave me way better moral AND technical support than my female former friend, and i said god damn this is crazy, this chaos and confusion, i hate not knowing what to say to these people becuase i dont really know whats going on, and having to come up with some bullshit story so it sounds like i know what im doing, but i dont, ive never seen this before……….

and he said, well why dont you just be honest and tell them the truth, tell them, “I DONT KNOW.”

I smiled at him and said thats why i like you so much bruh, because you keep it THAT real. i wish i COULD do that. i would like to be more like you and be able to say that with no shame. because why the fook should we know EVERYTHING. our leaders dont know a damn thing. nobody knows anything. ask 10 leaders, get 10 different answers. yet they refuse to talk to people, they make US talk to people and put us between a rock and a hard place. and i would be so happy to just cut out the bullshit and say, I DONT KNOW.

but i was TOO INSECURE to do that. my male friend was/is much more secure. but me and him connected instantly and he also didnt mind that i was hella insecure, WELL, i dont go telling it from the mountain either! IMMMM INSECUREEEEEE fook that i dont do that, i know better.

shrink also recommended listening to something positive like dr wayne dyer, who just died recently. oh i didnt know that, i said, thats too bad. i have appreciated most of his stuff ive seen.

cuz i listen to MRA right wing MGTOW antimarxist stuff, and pro-marxists like to accuse us of being HATEFUL HATERS spewing POISON, and SOME of the MGTOW types are borderline woman haters. but not all. i really only listen to two guys, millennial woes and bernard chapin. i might be identifying myself here.

so i thought, well “woesy” i dont think is hateful, and i dont think UNCLE BERN is hateful, but The Bern’s enemies say he is a hateful woman hater.

I do wish Uncle Bern would find himself a nice woman someday, because he would be a great Father I think, and I would like to see him have 3 kids.

anyway i dont know if he’s “given up” on women or not. he seems to be very happy without them. i have not reached that point yet. i will always desire a Loving Intimate Longterm Monogamous Relationship with a Woman. (I have to specify all those things hahahaah)

that is a pretty serious thing which i dont take lightly, so its not often i find a woman I WANT to have that kidn of serious rel with.

BUT WHEN I DO, THEY DUMP ME IN THE WORST POSSIBLE WAY AND IT TAKES YEARS TO GET OVER IT!

when some b dumps you for being too needy, tell her

“HUMAN BEINGS NEED LUV! HUMAN BEINGS NEED INTIMATE RELATIONSHITS, YA STUPID BITCH!”

really the point she is TRYING to make, but is too DIM to ARTICULATE it, is that she doesnt want you to Need Luv with HER. youve got to force them to Empathize by starting from a Narcissistic Start Point:

“Put yourself in my shoes, baby. Think of yourself. think of time when you NEEDED that big badboy brute, but he didnt need you back. how did that make you feeeeeeeeeel? well thats what youre doing to me. so if im too needy, YOURE TOO NEEDY TOO, YOU FOOKING CHILD. DONT BE FACILE.”

Real “Neediness” is more like “CODEPENDENCY” where you cant LIVE without the person and are texting them HUNDREDS of times a day, see them EVERY day, have to talk to them on the phone every day for 2 hours before bed.

jeez. i wish i could have talked to her for just ONE HOUR, ONCE. that would have been all i needed to tell her all i wanted to tell her.

ok i did not deserve this because

  1. i was not a random stranger
  2. i knew her for over 2 years
  3. we used to be friends and had a good strong history
  4. i was not abusing her
  5. i migth have been making her feel uncomfrotable but i was not making her feel UNSAFE
  6. i was feeling uncomfortable too, because there was a HUGE ELEPHANT in the room that she avoided talking about at EVERY opportunity and REFUSED to talk to me about whenever I tried to talk about it
  7. i wasnt ABUSING her, even emotional abuse
  8. i wasnt trying to make her Luv me, i just wanted to Talk About Our Relationship.

so yeah its very important that i convince myself i did not deserve this.

oh hey one of my favorite Active Metal Bands has a brand new album out, now that is a good day. better than some broad who treats you with no respect.

it doesnt matter if it was unintentional. she has had MORE than enough time to come to her senses and god damn apologize and try to improve karma. she has not. that might well mean it IS intentional, and she has doubled down and thinks she is right. so fookin stupid. she was smarter than that. she can do better than that. she is a decent person. so stupid that the first time in her life she does something really shitty……………………….guess who is on the receiving end of it.

she honestly thinks i ABUSED her?

the stupid thing is, she’s honestly had guys treat her worse! like cheat on her! and take their luv away from her! and she desperately tried to communicate with them! yet she never responded when i tried to communicate with her! but she wasnt in luvvvvvv with me, thats the difference. well fook that. i knew she wasnt in luvvvvvv with me but i thought she respected me as a god damn human being. fooking abandoned me.

well won a shit load of money at the poker table today. last week i had my biggest loss day ever, today i had muh biggest win day ever. all in with AA and sucked two others in, stack went from like 3.70 to 10. holy shit. earlier in the day i had muh stack go from 4 to 5.

max buyin is 4, i always start with 4. that is like 4 quarters. one dollar. 1 chip is 1 mBTC wich is .001 BTC which is about 23 cents.

7 quarters. 23 cents. 1.61 of real money i won today hahahaha.

yeah did 3 2.8 milers, got muh 8.4 miles in today. had to. its the best way i can get thru day by day.

what does she want to FIX these guys? she could have FIXED me! theres plenty about me that needs to be fixed, and a decent longterm monog rel would have fixed it too! she would have seen some results of her fixing! but nooooooooo.

so just tell bitches with a smug smirk that you need to be FIXED, and then they will let you impregnate them within 5 minutes.