MUH LARPTOPIA

june 18 2017

had a dream i was with a fairly attractive young woman and it turned out “she” was a Transsexual with a Dick. boy i wonder what THAT means hahahaha. this might be because yesterday i saw some screenshot of a tranny porno starlet making some anti-sjw edgy libertardian pseudointellectual im the tranny porn whore with a brain remarks, as to demonstrate, look at the filth that is getting into the “alt-lite”, but the thing was, the tranny looked remarkably convincing. like most of them look like men in drag but this one actually looked like a woman. looked better than a fat 5/10 woman. and i thought, i might bang that tranny, and i realized shamefully how degen that was of me!

and even worse are the lewd comments from porn-addicted men who think they are straight, saying all sorts of things to the tranny like oohhh your beautiful, id fook you so hard, id lick your asshole and eat your beautiful ass all day. as if they dont quite get that she is really a MAN. cuz theyre essentially viewing “her” the same as a female porno slut.

i didnt look at any of the porno pictures, just the instagram, and believe me that can get PLENTY degenerate.

as soon as I found myself thinking, what is this thing really? it really does look like a woman, maybe i would bang it, I closed the shit and vowed not to tell anyone in the alt right hahahahaha.

i think in the dream the tranny looked even MORE like a woman, like this looks EXACTLY like an attractive woman, EXCEPT they have a dick. now I didnt actually see the dick, or any kind of Bulge, or feel anything.

then you ask, well do they have the SHAPE of a woman? with hips and all that?

but honestly some women dont have the shape of women!!! they are shaped like unisex potatoes, or have manshoulders, or no ass, no hips, stumpy legs, etc.

anyway not a great dream but still better than a dream with That Woman!

and of course wish i have never seen that tranny porn whore while casually browsing daily stormer hahahahaha.

but yeah they present as women, and i think their main audience is “straight” guys that like hot porno sluts, and girly bois who transition to look like hot porno sluts but havent chopped their dicks off yet.

UNBELIEVABLY DEGENERATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway. back to the Logical Thought Question of, if WOMEN dont care about RACE, and we need WOMEN to perpetuate our race, then doesnt them not caring about race mean that race is subordinate to gender (secs) ?

and that we would have more in common, mentally, with a black MAN, than a white woman?

which is why you see tons of Interracial Solidarity between MRA’s and MGTOWs, who will readily tell you the same thing? I have nothing in common with white women, thats why i dont really care about RACE. I have MUCH more in common with a black or brown man.  thats why you can’t sell me on race. because white women are fooking garbage. maybe if men of all races stood together, we could defeat feminism.

i guess i would say, just because you have more in COMMON with somebody, mentally or life experiences, it STILL does not logically FOLLOW that sex is THEREFORE more important than race. although it KINDA LOOKS like it. its easy to make that logical error in this case.  the strawman looks a hell of a lot like a real man here hahahaha. its confusing!!!! it really is.

really all of this just keeps pointing to the End of White Sharia. i still dont like the word, but the IDEA just makes more and more and MORE sense as time goes on. women need to be CONTROLLED BY MEN. PERIOD. in a nonabusive way. you control your PETS, but you also love them and dont abuse them. and if you do abuse them, you should be punished.

but yeah. women ARE NOT CAPABLE of being full adults the way MEN are. and its not fair, and not right, and not smart, to think that they can. or will. they can’t. they won’t.

so im looking for AH speeches where a native english speaker delivers a good english translation of the speeches with some sort of passion or energy. so i can listen to them while Powerwalking, becuase i cant watch an actual german speech with english subtitles while i do that.

also from that woman i learned the lesson of applying WHITE SHARIA in my own life. while i cant guarantee that it would have made her fall in luv with me, i CAN guarantee that a Strong Hand on my part would have made the situation less painful. end better. and MAYBE i would have won the First Prize of a stupid fatherless mudshark for a GF for a while until I stopped exercising White Sharia hahahaha.

well in the future I will exercise white sharia, which in this situation would look like…..just treating them like a CHILD. that’s all it is. you dont abuse your CHILDREN. but you also dont let them get away with being a BRAT. thats called being a bad parent. know how and when to discipline your kids. SAME THING with women.

WOMEN ARE CHILDREN. PERIOD.

and the VAST majority of them are overgrown children who are WAY past due for a GOOD spanking and a GOOD grounding. period.

So lets spank the shit out of them and ground the shit out of them.

what people get confused on is that there’s NO burkas, NO punching

your wife in the face or kicking her in the chest, NO genital mutilation, NO rape squads. yeah those things are only for barbaric moslems. unfortunately the conan he-man woman-haters who came up with the meme liked to use jokes like that, so it was a bit unclear. and it made me very suspicious of white sharia. until i realized they were just joking and we wouldnt really do those things.

i’ll always prefer another word over sharia. like extreme white patriarchy, or traditional white patriachy.

WOMEN ARE CHILDREN.

I just get quite triggered when I see women being more successful in the Adult Male Real World than me. How can a CHILD be better at LIFE than me? because that’s how bad I am!

thats what really grinds my gears. ok its fine if women have to naturally be children. what burns me up is that these CHILDREN can be successful at things very important to me – career/work and relships – where i have been so abysmally failure. how can you be SUCCESSFUL in the ADULT WORLD if you are as mature as a CHILD????!?!?!?!??!

well its obviously easier for a woman to get a rel, im not saying thats wrong. but i think it is also easier for a woman to get a JOB. given two equally quialified candidates, the employer will PROB choose a woman over a man.

heh better to be a butthurt incel fascist 1433 VVN, than a butthurt incel male feminist!

AH was right, speeches are more effective than the written word. podcasts are more effective than blogs hahahaha.

http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/104862487

i guess azzmador, k1ke enoch, and a bunch of guys did a thing very recently in texas, maybe austin, and antifa didnt even show up? apparently a lot of good speeches were made. i cant deny that enoch makes a good speech and that speech is a very effective tool and i dont want him to stop making speeches.  you know what, as he gets bigger in popularity, he’s gonna HAVE to revisit the joo wife situation and explain it better, because he just didnt explain it well enough the first time. so i am confident that time will come. i just wish he had dealt with it right the first time rather than just avoiding it.

but he is a great speaker and he should record all his speeches.

one good speech is worth 1000000 articles hahahaha.

hope people dont throw azzmador under the bus for working with enoch! but they prob will hahahaha. i dont see a problem there. him working with enoch i mean. thats fine. [update jan 2018: i am now as back on board wth enoch as i ever was. his life was turned completely upside down and he panicked a little bit. so would I. he ultimately gave up his livelihood for The Movement and continues to outdo himself with great work, great speeches, such that i dont really care about the j00wife thing any more. also she hasn’t been talking so good for her. still not sure if they are divorced or not. i almost dont even care. ]

the white polo shirt with khaki pants is probably the best A E S T H E T I C ive seen thus far. hopefully azzmador can get with the program next time.

who is this attractive young WOMAN in the white dress. my greatest fear is finding that THAT WOMAN joined the alt right pro white movement. that she rejected me but joined muh movement hehehe and got with stronger better man and now she is banging HIGHER UPS in the alt right hahahaha. fooking richard spencer hahaha. i mean its possible. all men like attractive young white women.

i was starting to gradually talk to her about this stuff. i taught her about the 14 words and david duke and that all white nationalists werent skinhead neo nazi freaks, and that its ok to fooking luv being white. yeah i am a racist baby. now lets start taking a look at these joos too. also check out this stefan molyneux video.

i wasnt even into TRS then but you can see i was pretty close. when the shit hit the fan with her, the dylan roof thing had just happened, so i used it to show her Antiwhite media, and talk about rhodesia and south africa.

also “BLM” and “police violence” was becoming a huge thing and she paid attention to that, so i tried to touch on that too.

i would have talked about all this a hell of a lot more if she ever hung out with me hahahaha but it was always excuses.

if i had implemented white sharia and said, were hanging out NOW, or I AM GONE, treat me with the respect I deserve or find some n1993r or ph4990t to be your highness’s servant because I AM DONE WITH YOU.

then ignored her for a week, then she would ahve been BEGGING me to put babies in her and tell her about how great our race is and how we have to STOP THESE GREAZY K1KES NOW!!!!!!

so i would hate to find that my IDEAS sunk in with her and she just found a better MAN to tell them to her. i would almost rather she became a dirty fat mudshark….which she also has a chance of. it could go both ways.

all this because i saw a young white woman with long hair in the azzmador video!

or maybe i was just in general longing for a racially-aware qt waifu!

could be. i mean PROBABLY she was just the gf of one of the guys, and he had TRAINED HER WELL. that is, gotten her on board with his racial stuff. rather than tolerated even the smallest amount of antiwhite bullshit out of her.

why WOULD your gf be AGAINST you being PRO your race?

because you are being angry and butthurt and flustered and not controlling her properly.

yep i guess in the end it IS mens fault. just like its the parents fault when their kids are huge fookin BRATS. you are disgusted at the misbehaved child, but you cant BLAME them. BLAME THE PARENTS.

MEN ARE THE PARENTS, WOMEN ARE THE CHILDREN.

and we LET our children GET AWAY with literally MVRDER.

we LET them get POISONED by the joo.

there is a TWENTY YEAR OLD young man who gives a great speech at the texas thing. that sort of stuff brings a tear to muh eye hehehe. generation zyklon.

sacco vandal is also really good at the speechmaking. very very high energy. glad he is getting noticed. he speaks at 1:20 right after azzmador.

but see i would be worried about an alpha male like this “stealing” muh woman. and she would be RIGHT to leave me for the stronger man! but how can i out-alpha guys like this? I dont even want to!

its stupid that you have to be constantly competing with other guys just to prove whos manliest and strongest just so you can keep your woman from leaving you for them!

but is it REALLY stupid? it makes sense for women to go for the strongest men. so, therefore, i would keep muh woman AWAY from events like this.

i would be much more willing to host a white party at Our Home, than to bring muh wife to a pro white EVENT.

anyway pretty sure sacco is married and has children. he is prob younger than me too hahahaa. not that i am young any more. but i remember when i was! it sucks not being young any more!

and then the wives and children would have their womens party within our Family Home White Party, and the men would drink scotch and tell stories and teach the Boys.

any woman caught cheating would be banished to chimpcongo or syria hahahaha.

well actually with a month of public stockades beforehand. that PUBLIC SHAMING is incredibly powerful and we should be making as MUCH use of it as possible.

no dont send her to syria. just a month of public shaming, then she gets one chance to be a good wife to an omega male, an older single man, and if she screws THAT up, then she can become a hooker.

but do we want hookers? for whom? the young men 15-19 training for their professions? they have young girls betrothed who are waiting for them when the boys start their careers at age 20, and it will be permitted for them to hang out chastely during 15-19, get to know each other, talk to each other, and stoke the flames of desire for when they can finally get married and be together unchaperoned. hookers will not be needed.

ok then the twice-convicted slut can be sent to syria. or MAYBE to the bttom 1% of the omega male neet incel virgins, like me and george feels hahahaha.

i mean im already looking at single moms, mudsharks, over-30s, etc. and i am not wholly comfortable sending a woman to syria to get raepd. nope. a month of public shaming and stockades, then give them a chance with a lesser quality male like myself hahaha. second strike, they would be given to an even lesser male. third strike, you could send them to prison to service imprisoned men. i dunno. still working out the details of this larp.

so, high school and college are unneccessary. at age 14 or 15, the boy can start training for his career. at age 19, the boy can start his career, and will marry a 16 year old gurl. ok 17. he will have known her for the past couple of years and both of them are bristling with anticipation for several years at the day they can marry. they will both be each others “first” and thus be pair bonded for life. the young man will work at a family owned business and the wife will have babies. the husband will move up in the company, training younger men, making more money, having more time to spend with his family, becoming the best at his craft, training young men how to do it well. nonwhites nowhere to be seen. jooish influence nowhere to be seen. imagine theres no jooish influence, its easy if you try hahahahaha. actually it isnt, because jooish influence poisons EVERYTHING.

get rid of college and high school. college is worthless. high school is just as worthless. start kids working at age 14. all job training will be done on the job as they make minimum wage at age 14. you will be an “apprentice” so you wont be expected to be an expert. they KNOW youre in training. but then you slowly move up and never make minimum wage past age 14. by age 18 or 19 you can make enough to support a wife and children.

men who do crime will be publicly punished. the most serious crimes will involve a public hanging or shooting in the head. no need to torture or do anything grotesque. rapists and molesters? no need to CASTRATE them, jsut shoot them in the back of the head in the public square and throw them in an unmarked grave.

drugs addicts? drunks? part of me says, give them their drug of choice and let them go to town and K themselves. but alcoholics can take YEARS AND YEARS to do that. so i say let them continue to be productive. like if they can still do their jobs, just let them drink on the job until they fook something up, then punish them for that.

i mean i think just having a steady job and making a decent living would keep people from becoming addicts in the first place.

also we would try to minimize firings and layoffs because companies would just be extensions of the family. you could work with people who had health or family issues and not fire somebody just because he was not as productive. like maybe let a person work 30 hours a week and keep his job and just pay him 25% less. better yet, a person should only have to work 30 hours a week to have a family.

no joos, i shouldnt have to say. this is a joo-free society. dna test will test for jooishness and other nonwhiteness. i might even allow up to 25% nonwhiteness in people so long as they didnt identify with it, and were committed to making white grandchildren.

men with porn would be publicly shamed in stockades much like women who were sluts or cheaters. i mean there wouldnt BE any porn.

the mother would homeschool all children up to age 14. then the father would take over and boys would work with their fathers. and gurls would be shopped around to boys, probably from the area, or the fathers company. i mean chances are she will have met the boy when they played around the neighborhood as children. i mean shit. in the homeschools the families and children would mingle and socialize with the other families in the neighborhood. each family would have 40 acres and the fathers company would be right there, he could Walk To Work.

somebody suggested, i think heartiste, that leftists hate cars and luv public transportation because its a way to force diversity. when whites own their own cars, they can live 40 miles outside the cities. gives them freedom of association – and of dis-association. because who the hell rides the BUS.

never thought of that. and i wish it didnt HAVE to be that way. cuz i hate cars and i kinda like the IDEA of public transport. but also realize this is an URBAN URBANITE thing. and WHO lives in and controls CITIES????

whats an example of a good white CITY? munich 1900?

cities are INHERENTLY jooish arent they? whats the hwytest city that ever existed? rome 50 BC? i honestly dont know.

i do know that joos have been getting pogromed and thrown out of cities in every country for the past 3000 years tho hahahaha. so which city did the best job of it and had the smallest or ideally no jooish ghetto?

what im trying to say is, are cities REALLY inherently jooish? can we MAKE an all whyte city? being that cities offer the benefit of what exactly? uh a multitude of businesses, services, products, potential wives, and potential customers. and art and culture and history hahaha. but cant you get all that in a town? a small city? i think you can!!!!

what if your job were driving you crazy, driving you to drink? well ideally by that time, you would have enough power and autonomy in the company to change it into a Productive, Ethical enterprise where you didnt have to lie, cheat and joo people. Productive, Ethical Enterprise would be what ALL businesses are. from trash haulers to doctors.

people doing economic corruption, like crime syndicates, like the russian mob, well there would be no need for this. they would be treated like any other criminal: public shaming, flogging, or execution.

maybe there would be no prisons, no jails. if its serious enough a crime, you are immediately executed and not supported by the state for 20 years.

or you get 30 days of shame and that wouldnt cost very much. you would get to eat water and potatoes.

you could just go back to your job when you were done.

but wouldnt your coworkers continue to shame you and gossip about you?

NO, because they are MEN! they’d give you a few minutes of crude jokes and then be back to work. maybe they’d experienced the same thing.

is 30 days too much? i mean it would be different. cheaters would get 30 days, maybe stripped naked. a drunken buffoon would get 1 day, clothed, or maybe just 30 lashes with a cane, done in 15 minutes.

abortion? shoot the woman in the head in the public square, same as any murderer. done.

hehehe. i kinda like this larping today hahaha.

if a man really wants to get out of his job, he could maybe transfer into a similar job, and get a demotion, but not down to the minimum. i mean he will have learned SOME skills that will be portable. like dealing with people, dealing with shit, thinking on his feet, talking to people, solving problems. he wont be at the level of a 15 year old boy.

again, if all businesses were conducted as Productive and Ethical Enterprise, and treated their employees as valuable, then people wouldnt hate their jobs so much.

for that matter the companies should be employee owned. profit sharing. all employees own a share of the company. now the 15 year old entry level wouldnt be allowed to own as much as the ceo, or you WOULD have to PAY to BUY these shares. but yeah give everyone a share in the company.

ok what about “mental illness.” well i think in this larp whitopia, all mental illness would be automatically cut in half at LEAST, because people would be much more fulfilled. not necessarily happy, but their lives would be much more STABLE and have much more MEANING. and there would be no joos. i assure you, joos are INHERENTLY mentally ill and the root cause of half of all mental illness.

the super serious shit that really cant be helped, like major schizophrenia and shit…..we’d let the people work in any capacity they could. be janitors or something. find them something to do to give themselves dignity and meaning. i mean we still would have DOCTORS and SCIENTISTS to come up with drugs and treatments for them.

or you could give them the offer of euthanasia.

and if they committed a violent crime, as many schizos do, then they would be treated as any other violent criminal, and not be a burden on society any longer.

yes, i mean a bullet in the head in the public square.

the optional euthanasias would not be public of course! because they didnt do any crime!!!!!

what about down syndrome types? same thing basically. and or their families would just take care of them. extended families would live in a series of nearby houses and really there would be some allowance built into the family unit for these defectives, assuming that 5% of people are defective. so just allow for that from the beginning. with all men making decent living, its totally possible.

like i say, men would just continue to make more and more and never be laid off or fired, so they have enough money to take care of the young, the old, and the defective. the women and children at home would help take care of the old and defective. no nursing homes needed.

boom. perfect society. done. that only took me 1 hour of work hahahaha.

notice AH said that manual labor jobs MUST be treated with the same dignity and respect as high society jobs like doctor, lawyer, engineer. i would agree with this. but im guilty of looking down on manual laborers myself. but i KNOW i SHOULDNT!

so i guess what im describing is basically National Socialism with maybe a somewhat more stripped down state and more of those duties given to the family. the family would take care of education and basically the economy.

so what is the role of the state in my larptopia above? just to shoot violent criminals in the head in the public square? yeah i guess hahahaha.

i guess we should also keep SCALE in mind hahaha.

but anyway MK has not, by page 460 at least, set out the basic description of how the ideal society should run at least. i mean maybe its described in the 25 points of NS, which he still hasnt got to.

basically i want to know about education, jobs, marriage, family, boys, girls, how people become productive adults. AH really hasnt described any of this.

oh yeah i guess boys of 15 could also go into the MILITARY if for whatever reason their fathers were not successful craftsmen.

but ideally all men WOULD be successful craftsmen and people would just act as their OWN military, thru their 2nd amendment rights hehehe. and if the country were under attack, the employees would just take up arms and defend their town. and at that point the children would do some work for the war effort.

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THE TIME HAS COME WHERE I/YOU NEED TO MEET NEW WOMEN

for sat april 15

now: sept 6 2016

sept 7 2016

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

yeah i have been physically not too great, mentally/emo not too great either since coming back from muh “vacation.” hehehehe. when I got back I promptly went to bed for 16 hours. the next day I was still tired and had aches and pains all over the body. i had done some lifting and carrying of stuff but it really didnt seem bad enough to produce such soreness!

also had annoying borderline water faucet colon which i usually only get in the morning after drinking a lot of coffee too fast, but here it lasted all day and that was very annoying. couldnt even enjoy a nice powerwalk without thinking im gonna shart muh pants.

have been getting sharper “carpal tunnel” pains lately. this has been going on for at least a year but the last couple days its been more noticeable. it is honestly probably enough to get me a medical MJ recommendation for “chronic pain”!!!!! not even joking.

was taking pepto bismol which usually helps with the watery #2’s, but didnt seem to help much yesterday. at the end of the day was very tired. not just low energy, but darn exhausted, even though i hadn’t done anything. slept pretty well again but could have slept longer if i hadnt forced self.

yassss got new shoes from zappos, they seem to fit well. i mean my current shoes are just terrible. they are SO worn down, but really all on one side, so the shoes are very lopsided and diagonal and that cant be good for the foot.  i mean i should have upgraded these shoes months ago. i hope i havent done permanent damage hahahaha. basically i am an overpronator and the outside of the shoe gets worn down much much much more.

but yeah i just felt like i was 80 years old hahahaha.

THANK GOD for the new shoes though. this is my typical thing though. wait way too long to replace stuff that should be replaced. or get haircut. or clothes.

honestly cant stop pooping. this is ridiculous.

new shoes feel gr8! that is awesome. very good. THANK GOD. because this is a privilege most people dont have. buying new shoes when they need them.

yeah so i wore the shoes and took a 3.2 mile walk and the shoes were great.

388 days since i sent her the last contact. i figure 400 days is a nice round number. nicer than 365. but a YEAR is a nice round period of time. why arent years 400 days hahahaha.

422 days since i last talked to her, abotu 419 days since i last SAW her.

theres a thought that I should address Muh Egregious Red Flag Employment Gap in muh cover letter. I am open to doing this.

fdfdfgfg

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ok. gave this one a try because i liked the cover art hahahaha. wanted to see how the production and songwriting compares to “ashes against the grain.” there seems to be more blasting in a blatant black metal style on Marrow of the spirit, so, I like that. now the SOUND on MOTS is really interesting. I think I like it, it’s definitely provocative so yeah that’s good. the drums sound a little weird and the guitars sound very “warm” and fuzzy. the whole thing sounds rawer and more underproduced than I was expecting, not in a bad way of course.

it sounds like they intentionally tried to make their sound more “raw” or “live” or “organic”, and in theory, I am always in support of this.

heh. finally applied for job. 30k county job. i prefer to apply for the 26k county jobs, but i have gotten interviewed for a 42k county job!

i want to work for you because you have a MF day shift, weekends off, no overtime, 37.5 hour work week, and bennies. so its a good fit for me because i dont handle stress or pressure well hahahahahaha. or customers. thats why i have to be high on xanax all day at work hahahahahaha.

no obviously i don’t actually often USE benzos. i brought 3 valiums with me to our little vacation, and i completely FORGOT about them. sheeeeit. they may have come in handy when i was freaking out because of the MJ! which is the entire reason I brought the valium!!!!!

i am very close to the cusp of focusing hardcore on temp/staffing agencies. recruiters for temp jobs.

because the only people that will “take a chance” on such a RISKY person as me, are the absolutely bottom of the barrel shittiest jobs that will hire ANYONE……or MAYBE jobs where the job contract is limited. temporary. finite. temp. if the person sucks, they will be gone soon.

also if i go a week without an interview, the confidence def goes down. as you get 2 or 3 rejection emails a day hahahaha.

heh. if i got rejected by WOMEN like this, I would have even less confidence hahahaha.

or maybe i just wouldnt care and would bullshit the things i am supposed to bullshit to get women to spread for muh dick hahahahahaha. maybe it would actually be EASIER.

yeah that sounds woman hating, but You Women really DO give it up to easily and don’t have the appropriate RESPECT for SECS, like your biological role in secs. I dont NEED to have as much respect for secs, because men just dump sperm. the costs and risks and responsibilities are much higher for women. RESPECT that.

ok forced my way thru 2 applications. again i am getting discouraged here so i am not applying to “reach” stuff with muh dream orgs unless they are fairly low paying…..and of course these jobs skew towards high paying.

unbelievable. company sending a pdf for me to complete…..but its not an editable pdf. they literally want me to print it out, fill it out by hand, then scan it, then send THAT pdf back. this is a fairly big company where that shit is blatantly embarrassing.

so instead I am converting the pdf to a jpg and trying to edit it in paint. not working so well. with the text boxes and shit.

this is truly a very good album!

it took me basically the whole album just to fill out that shit. using pixlr to add text boxes, rasterize, and draw little circles. unbelievable. they are looking for skills in VISIO and PROJECT which i technically have hahaha yet their goddam Talent Acquisition Team can’t make a pdf editable. absolutely disgraceful. See, I would volunteer my personal time after work to make the pdf editable so they wouldnt have to pay me for that work.

plus i get to show extreme ingenuity and cleverness and problem solving with this pdf to jpg, pixlr, jpg to pdf nonsense, hahahaha. sending them back a pdf that was 8 times larger in size than the one they sent me hahahaha.

because they couldnt do any of this with plain text, saying, answer all of these questions in your reply email. nooooooo that would be too easy.

or god forbid have something in the taleo applicant tracking system THEY ALREADY HAVE AND USE.

but yeah. then they wanted me to explain in the REPLY EMAIL any Gaps in the past 7 years, and also all Reasons For Separation in the past 7 years. I guess I should be glad they didnt ask for 20 years!

but this implies they are gonna read the email……so why demand the shitty, shitty pdf as well?

just to make shit more difficult and weed out the weak.

so I will be PISSED if this doesnt result in an interview.

i added an extra 20 minutes to the spreadsheet for the amount of time it took to apply for this job.

thinking SEARS might be a better place than jcpenneys for me hahahaha.

just looking for t-shirts that have like STRIPES or patterns or some shit, that is not a damn “graphic tee.”

something that is more interesting than just a solid color t shirt, which is what i usually wear, but that is kinda boring!

interesting. what gets me most worked about That Woman is not really thoughts of her spending time and being nice to other men, and loving them and cuddling with them, but really the more x rated stuff, like her sucking dick, fooking her, her sitting on their face and them licking her asshole, hahahahahahahaha. banging her from behind, banging her from the front, tongue in the mouth, her sighing and breathing heavy and getting juice all over. that real porno stuff, which isnt even all porno stuff, but actual real life secs stuff. that is what gets me angery.

that is the sort of stuff that gets me all hot and bothered!

anyway of course i should not be thinking about it at all.

but yeah i have no interest in other women. occasionally i will see a young qt i want to bang but not super often. and i would STILL want to bang HER moar!!!!!!

stupid shit really.

basically i cant ever imagine WANTING another woman as much as her, and also that i will never STOP wanting her!

i mean yeah it has gotten better. and yeah i DID eventually stop wanting those other women. it just took like 2 years hahahaha. and it hasnt been 2 years with this woman yet.

just no interest in women other than to maybe opportunistically bang unmarriageable sluts. great. and never fully exorcise the memory of HER. because I always got along with HER best, we had the most special best connection.

yeah well if it was so good, how come she couldnt even send me a damn text message and just say awwwww im sorry ok now im blocking you sorry.

or have her family or our mutual friend send that message to me for her.

but yeah that connection! even if it was just for me. how am I ever gonna feel that way about someone else ever again? and that is what I WANT to feel for muh wife, the mother of muh children!

yeah it def was the worst heartbreak.

the OBVIOUS ANSWER to how do i forget about HER is……….MEET NEW WOMEN!!!!!!!!!! THE TIME HAS COME where I NEED to MEET NEW WOMEN!!!!!!!!

of coursh I have never ever really liked meeting new people. it is not fun. men or women.

some people, normies and chads, actually LIKE meeting new people and think its FUN.

i have no interest in meeting people unless its a young woman and they are qt and seem NICE.

how hard is it to be nice? not very, but many people seem to think so.

hearing about this guys GF who is like 19 years old and NOBODY likes her. she has “no personality”.

i thought, so what if she has “no personality,” That Woman didn’t have much of a personality, usually if a woman has a strong personality, that means she’s bitchy and obnoxious. no thank you. just have a not-strong personality and be nice. be pleasant. i’m thinking this young girl is both no personality AND not really nice or pleasant either. jeeeez. how unpleasant do you have to be as a 19 year old gurl to have nobody like you??!?!?!?! also I have heard she is not terribly good looking either.

meanwhile i found, once upon a time, a nice, qt, woman that everybody liked because she was NICE and had a GOOD personality.

with men its harder. you have to have an ACTUAL personality, and NOT Just Be Nice. i guess I cant be mad about that, thats just nature.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/51tj9x/me_23_m_with_my_ex_girlfriend_22_f_for_about_2/

dramatic breakup story, he cant get over ex, who blocked him, but they had their problems, also she talked to him a lot more and prob would have been willing to give him some closure

spet 9

well i have learned from /r/relships/ that women indeed have some agency and are not to be regarded as total BABIES.

(every single attractive young woman on linkedin is a GOD DAMN RECRUITER.)

anyway, not to get off on a tangent, basically, the leftist scum of reddit insists that women are not powerless infants and indeed they DO have some responsibilities. well of COURSE they would think that tho! they like powerful independent wimmin!

but yeah you hear stories where women actually do stuff, put in an effort, or in some cases, stalk the guy, or get needy or clingy, texting the guy, getting jealous, getting heartbroken. i guess its nice to know that women are CAPABLE of this!

or just basically that they are willing to talk to you when they are dumping you and to say sorry and to be conscious that them dumping you is gonna hurt you and they are making some token effort to mitigate some of that hurt!

also the idea that the solution is pretty obvious (dump that b and run away!!!!) and the Bad Guy is pretty obvious.

i just hate being the Bad Guy because I couldnt understand Space.

but i dont think it was that simple either. i think any mature person would say SPACE ISNT AN EXCUSE TO AVOID DEALING WITH THE SITUATION. SPACE ISNT AN EXCUSE TO NEVER COMMUNICATE.

i think i already made that a post title. or something very close to it hahahaha.

so basically when a woman has secs quickly, she is saying “MY VALUES ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THAN YOURS.”  so maybe its a stage. but why should the stage be like 10 years long or 15 years or whatever? thats a pretty long stage. too long for me.

ok applied for us army job. they have a big facility which employs a lot of people in the area with damn good 35k jobs like this one.

an open relationship will NEVER work if BOTH people dont agree about wanting it. period. it HAS to be completely mutual and UNANIMOUS.

of course at least 80% of Breakups are not unanimous, but they dont need to be. it would be nice if they were!

SHOW ME I MEANT ANYTHING TO YOU!!!!!

welp at 399 jobs now, should prob make the big 400th a good one. i think we decided not too long ago to make 500 the new goal.

i mean i have a hard time with jobs. bullshitting my way and figuring out what to do in tough confusing situations. figuring out how to do and handle my job. figuring out how to fix problems and what to say to frustrated customers who are counting on me to fix their problem…….and i really dont know what im doing. i feel incompetent because I AM incompetent and its inherently stressful to try to serve people when you ARE incompetent. because you ABSOLUTELY do not feel free to make mistakes or fail, because someone is basically gonna insult your intelligence.

in school it was ok to make mistakes, because only your grade suffered, and only a little bit, and you could always ask questions without being bitched at and treated like someone who should be fired.

how did that woman do it? oh yeah she just went with the flow. great advice, you horrible person hahahahahaha.

fookin captain obvious. fookin captain obviously easier said than done. jeeeeeez.

also reading /r/rels you see how FLAKY women are. they will just give up on you for the stupidest shittiest reasons and there is nothing you can do about it. because you have to respect their wishes that they dont care about you any more and dont want to do anything to work on things.

where do you go for nondegenerate dating advice? actually /r/rels is pretty good…..BUT they are degen on things like open rels, or being a SLUT. i guess I am just happy that they view Cheating as a Bad Thing. but yeah they dont view having a Super Promiscuous Slut Past as being a bad thing. when it totally is.

and i dont want to go to a christian thing, again. because I want YOU to understand why being a slut is wrong, not just because of muh good book or muh jeebus. which are all great things mind you, but it honestly seems………MORALLY LAZY!!!!!! to have muh jeebus be your answer to all moral questions.

but i dont like atheists. but do i like a devout blind faith type person better than an atheist? probably.

ideal would be a person like me: someone who wants to have faith but is just filled with tons of doubt.

and a woman who just thinks casual sex is GROSS or SLUTTY, and SLUTTY is BAD. I dont wanna be an icky gross SLUT. SLUTS ARE GROSS, she says. I would never want to be gross like that.

and she said that! she had an appropriate sense of DISGUST and DISDAIN 4 SLUTS!!!!

if i even have to mansplain it…….that stuffing a guys dick in your mouf and babymaker, who you dont even know this guy, you just met him a few days ago…if i have to mansplain why that is disgusting, then you are too far gone.

and 90% of women are too far gone hahahahahaha.

might have a little nyquil today, go for walk after, go to bed early.

called this auto service place for recall notice and actually got scheduled to get that fixed. so that was an accomplishment hahaha.

heh. you know how some people “break up” but theyre not really “borken up” because they are still hanging out, fooking, texting hahahaha. sometimes even the gurl initiates, decides she doesnt want to be totally done with the guy, and presents herself to be fooked. can’t say that happened to me hahahaha.

basically, if she had ANY desire to talk to me……..SHE WOULD HAVE.

WOMEN ARE ACTUALLY CAPABLE OF DOING THINGS, the reddit has taught me.

but its easy to think they aren’t, when you have a case where the woman does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. you think, are ALL women like that? I HOPE not all women are like that!!!!!!!! but i dont know enough women to tell. so then its GOOD to read these stories and anecdotes.

AYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I have just gone from a floundering seal to a baby seal on SwC poker hahahahaha. this is a YUGE deal, its taken me like 2 years to get to this point.

 

 

 

HONESTY ISNT THE BEST POLICY, ITS THE ONLY POLICY

may 15

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. have interview with post office people tomorrow. they say bring the social security card. so weird to have interview tehnically after a drug test and ss card. i thought drug test and ss card means you got the job. also I thought all jobs do 14 interviews. but i guess that costs too much.

just know that everything is done to cut costs….but at the ground level, you will see how these top-down changes are incompetent, and will end up costing more money. so you will say i thought these k1kes wanted to SAVE money. they do. they are just incompetent at it. so when this plan backfires, as it is already doing, they will just have to lay people off to really save money. like you hahahaha.

makes you want to get an mba so you be one of those k1ke managers hahahaha.

and they dont even all have mba’s!!!!!!!!!!! the director of your department does not have an mba!!!!!!!

the only place for non top tier mba’s in your company, is at level 1, answering phones like you hahaha. thats what an mba at capella online u gets you. same job as 20 year old community college dropouts hahahahaha.

heh. i like when you see the same jobs posted again like 1 or 2 months later, and you applied the first time, and nothing happened. its maybe a shitty job with high turnover so that they are always hiring people, and will hire anyone with a pulse…..but they still didnt invite you to take a pre interview assessment test hahaha.

and women dont get the slightest bit nervous when new men stick their new dicks up their baby maker. with a big new strange sweaty man pressing his sweaty hairy stinky body against them, yet they dont know a damn thing about him. a week ago you had no idea who this guy is. now you’re willfully letting him do this….very willingly. you LOVE it! what can you say about someone who LOVES degeneracy?

i dont mind peopel touching me……..if i know them! if I dont know them, then yes I do mind!

i just want to find a woman who feels the same way. and doesnt let everybody Touch her in this very Special Way.

i mean, two naked bodies pressed against each other, genitals inside of genitals, it boggles my mind how ANYONE could NOT think this is inherently intimate!!!!!!! yes so many people just dont care! its as intimate as a handshake!

how fooked up are YOU to think that the life creation process with naked bodies pressed together and genitals inside of genitals is no more intimate than a mere handshake?

how can ANYONE think that way?

why are most women like this?

well, j00s of course hahahaha. creating a mainstream culture where sex is nothign but sexy fun. but more importantly, how can I find a woman who isnt like this?

i think i might be exagerating again. a classic cognitive distortion used by despairers, which convinces themselves that things are worse than they actually are.  you convince yourself that things are abjectly horrible. absolutely disgusting. absolutely degenerate. when theyre just a LITTLE degenerate. you see that and run with it. take the ball and rush for 99 yards, to use a football metaphor hahaha.

so in other words, all women arent really THAT bad.

heck even SHE is not that bad.

i am just very emotional because of the grief and the way she dumped me. and then i get very emotional. but even she isnt that bad, treating sex as casually as a handshake.

my distorted mind has a tendency to exagerate, especially on horrible things.

so….i had terrible judgment then. how am i supposed to make good decisions? when good decisions are the foundation of a good life. you need to make good decisions all day long at your grueling job. jobs are 10 hours a day of making tough decisions. correctly.

i think the technical name for that distorion is overgeneralizing, mixed with Magnifying. that is my thing. taking the worst element, and saying that represents the whole category. so, think of the top 1% worst sluttiness women are capable of, and then say 100% of women are like that.

say 100% of women are as bad as the worst 1% of women.

or blacks, or j00s, or muslims hahahahahaha.

anyway. if your thought processes are so screwed up that you have made yourself an emotional basket case….how are you supposed to make the good decisions you need to make to be able to Hold Down A Job?

well when it comes to doing problems and such, i can get a high gpa in skool, get a’s in classes, and actually get good quality marks on muh job scorecard. I just do horribly with women. and to be fair, that’s at least halfway on them and not just me.

i was willing to handle things well, but they werent hahaha.

well that being said, i was not perfect either.

ok the other day while at fatclub i listened to the first 2 nile albums in a row basically. tried to visualize big fat jolly karl sanders. it helped but even back then the drums were too clicky and i just wanted to stop them and say AYO HOL UP guyz. you dont need to cram a new riff in here. its OK to have a NORMAL part in your songs. you should have MOAR NORMAL parts. i am SURE this stuff is fun as hell to PLAY, but it takes too much EFFORT to listen to.  your best songs are the ones that are actual songs instead of a dumptruck full of crazy riffs piled on top of each other. i appreciate that you are not sloppy at all…..but why should you be sloppy? its a conscious choice to make ridiculously technical, fast music. 300 bpm riffs in weird 5, 7, 9, 13 time. jagged changes everywhere. you just cant tell whats going on. need a more song-oriented approach like “festivals of atonement.” SONG ORIENTED not dumptrucks of crazy technical riff oriented. we arent talking catchy riffs here. well ok there are a few catchy riffs. there needs to be moar though. you can still have extreme parts. i appreciate extreme parts. no one luves fast blast beats moar than i.

like there is a big difference between dave brubeck doing things in weird times like 5 or 9 or whatever the fook. they are still catchy. the stuff is catchy and you dont realize the time signature is even “weird.”

is this why i “GAVE UP ON” nile? I let ol uncle karl down???????

well uncle karl is gonna continue having a great time playing incomprehensible riffs whether or not I am listening hahaha. I would like him to try to write like a straightforward metal album like iron maiden or something. write normal songs and normal riffs. you can still have an egyptian flavor and have some weird parts. just a better balance of extreme stuff to normal stuff.

but he is a very likable guy, I will never deny that.

also I would like their albums to be closer to 30 minutes than 60 minutes. short albums are best albums.

can we get a combination of nile with type o negative hahahaha.

once upon a time, I sought a combination of burzum and tom waits. oh how very ECLECTIC.  like a real portland hipster f4ggot.

oh sheeeeit managed to apply for 3 jobs on a sunday without even thinking about it. i have reached THAT level and I am very happy and grateful that I have. 2 for a large well known electronic company that has a division in the neighborhood, 1 for the county. the elctronics company is the one that reposted many positions and completely ignored me from about 6 weeks ago.

yeah i am convinced that, as degenerate as MJ is, it would help me get through this stage of PROLONGED GRIEF. I mean its not like I’ve AVOIDED it. its like chronic pain that serves no purpose any more but to cause me pain. i’ve learned all I could from it, and now I just want it to end, but its not ending.

always have some cash on you that you could use to buy MJ from somebody hahaha. be like hay heres $20, think you can get me something Indica like northern lights or afghan kush next time you go to the dispensary? its gotta be indica tho. I know it’s confusing but just trust me, I’m an expert. a Subject Matter Expert hahaha.

McGill University. “Cannabis: Potent Anti-depressant In Low Doses, Worsens Depression At High Doses.” ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 24 October 2007. <www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/10/071023183937.htm>.

that feel when you read breakup articles on psych today then find that you are the same age as the phd author, and you went to college with them, and they became a successful phd from stanford, and are now a postdoc researcher and writing Luv Advice PhD blogs on psych today dot com hahahahaha. am I allowed to say if this gurl was a huge slut or not? probably not allowed to say. I will say she was smokin hot in her undergrad days. i never really talked to her. maybe I felt she was out of my league. also she was a J. at that time I had a huge J fetish and wanted to bone her hard. I dont think I ever talked to her.

well nice to see she is very successful and now advising people on relationships with her phd hahaha. it would have been nice to bang her hot young body tho. in her small photo she just looks like an average attractive 30 year career professional woman. when she was 20 she was smokin hawt hahaha. well. as much as i hate saying that about a J. she didnt look super J’ish tho.

anyway its just funny now. 5 years ago I would have CARED more and gotten more BUTTHURT about it, like I COULDA BEEN A PHD TOO!!!!!!!! I COULDA BEEN A CONTENDER!!!!! i am just as smart as Jooish Wimmin but they are getting PHDs and outperforming the hell out of me because I am a lazy loser bla bla bla.

now Im just like I dont care. I dont want anything to do with marxist Jooz and middle class phds. she is probably very good at breaking her boifranz balls, emasculating them like a preying mantis. theres no bitch worse than a j00ish bitch hahahahahaha.

although if she came to me and bent over and begged PLEASE FOOK ME IN THE ASS I would gladly oblige her!

of course I would do the same with THAT WOMAN too.

i could bitch about her having grief for people that she has lost, and 8, 10 years later, she is still mourning them to I might say an unhealthy degree. but I would never judge someone for that. I would say, its ok to miss this person, but 10 years? really? how about you talk to me and i will be your shrink. death is just a part of life baby and they are in a better place, and they would want you to move on with your life, take the help I’m offerng you hahaha.

i wouldnt say, thats weird, youre weird for not getting over this, I’m dumping you.

because I totally understand how it can take Too Long to get over someone. how Grief can last Too Long.

thing is, she doesnt DESERVE this grief. its not like she died tragically, at a time when we both Luved each other.

anyway, she was very important to me, so she leaves a VOID, so I GRIEVE heavily. so I have to fill that void somehow until the pain fades away in a few years. I have been trying to fill it with Exercise and writing, and that helps, but I still need moar. its not enough. and I think MJ would be another helpful tool. thats all. MJ, exercise, and writing. And ideally Working.

so yeah. when grief is lasting too long, try to fill the void with: copious exercise, MJ, work, and hopefully you have some good friends that you can spend some real quality time with.

these stupid stoners. i mean they have 3 or more different groups with 3 different petitions. if they just had 1 petition, and 1 group behind it, then there would be no question of getting enough signatures. i think the biggest one will get enough signatures anyway, but the other groups should have backed out MONTHS ago and directed people to the one group. we can all agree that legal MJ is the goal. its not like who do you want for pres. its not like trump vs hillary.

but since im not an expert, i dont know the best practices. but these stupid stoners do. i fookin doubt it.

your shot in the dark is better than the expert’s best practices hahahaha.

fook experts. they were just in the right time at the right place. they played politics well enough to survive longer than a year.

but i guess you could learn great life skills like bullshitting and passing the buck from them.

well i am like the mechanic at the car shop i talked to recently:

HONESTY ISNT THE BEST POLICY, ITS THE ONLY POLICY.

i mean on the job, when you have to make serious decisions. little white lies are ok for the sake of kindness and politeness. but on the job, just tell people, i dont know, nobody knows, yeah that sucks, it is what it is. i dont know what to tell ya, and no you cant talk to my manager. i wish he WOULD talk to you, but he’s a dishonest coward hahahaha. you’re working with a company full of dishonest cowards who want to screw you. except me. I’m on your side. but I can’t help you. and my company sure as hell doesnt want to. my advice? find a better company. and if you do, call me and tell me about them so I can try to get a job there. this company SUCKS. they dont give a shit about you. they just want to take your money and run. they will not back it up with reliable, good service. they will leave you in the lurch just like a damn woman.

maybe my phd college classmate can write an article for psych today abotu why women are so unreliable and leave people in the LURCH so much. she’s a PHD in leaving people in the lurch im sure. well not her Faculty Advisers but the men in her life. OK now I am bordering on slander hahaha. I deleted the link to her article. do not want to DOX muh self! oy vey!!

but yeah its not unheard of that I will read a damn news article and run across the names of people I went to high achiever college with. some of which are now Senior Editors at stupid magazines that then might get quoted in larger magazines; or Senior Organizers with bla bla nonprofit; or blabla postdoc researcher phd at harvard authoring blabla study. i mean these people are ridiculously successful. I had no idea people could even BE this successful. i had to go to middle class j00niversity just to learn these levels of success even existed. phd at harvard basically.

no i did not go to harvard but the better performers from my school did phds at harvard or other ridic schools like stanford, yale, MIT. top skools. top kek hahahaha. kekekekekekek.

it took me a long time to get over all that status anxiety hahahaha. (de botton). you might think I still have it because I make butthurt jokes about it. but Im really not butthurt any more. about THAT. hahaha. I am plenty butthurt about other, more recent things.  i couldnt give a shit if some J00ish cvnt I vaguely knew over 10 years ago is a successful phd. who the fook reads psychology today anyway.  get in the NY Slimes bitch hahahaha otherwise no one cares. not only was all that obvious and unsurprisingly, it honestly just doesnt matter.

i’ll tell ya what does matter, is this huge void of grief in my life hahahaha. so its not FAIR that I fell in luv with her and ruined the friendship. FINE. its not FAIR she left me in such a mean way.

honestly there was very little she COULD do. i mean its not her responsibility to emotionally support me after dumping me. the dumper HELPING the dumpee through the dumping. nope. well i think they SHOULD, because they are the one causing you this pain, but we all know its just not POSSIBLE for them to support you, cuz you would just want to have them back. so the best they can do is say SORRY, and show some remorse for the pain they are causing you. it doesnt sound like a lot, but when you don’t get it, you see how much it matters.

ok have to do 1000 calkories at fatclub.

RELATIONSHIPF4GS

june 2

its amazing. here i am going on this fun advneture and i am still thinking about that dream i had about girl7 early this morning. that’s the way it always is with these dam dreams, they linger all day.

dam. all dam day. i mean i want her to call me up or email me right now and say “i made a big mistake, plz come back to me, I would luv to hang out and make out and sit on your face and have true luvsechs for 9000 hours straight while i rub every inch of my nekkid boddy all over u forever and ever.” and i would say HELL YEAH FINALLY. all is right with the world.

ONEITIS in other words!!!!! pedestal!!!!!!

so hopefully that will go away tomorrow.

took pwalk, it was nice and warm. but a bit humid and i got really sweaty hehehe.

but yeah when u are in luv with a gurl you will do insane fetish stuff you wouldn’t want to do with other girls. so the luv actually kicks the sechsy aspect up a notch.

of course, to be in luv with somebody, you kinda DO have to be sechsy attracted to them.

Which is the problem I had with NotQuiteGirl9b. Heh. Luv that nomenclature dawg. great wonderful person, good mother of muh children type, but i have no desire to do anything physical with her. contrast with g7 where I would do unspeakably disgusting things with her, or even just with an avg young qt where i would gladly bang them (but wouldn’t lose my mind doing weird stuff with g7. probably.)

ANYWAY. just try to be normal and fun and funny and not weird with these winner normalfags. one of them could get me the job that saves my life later. if the discussion gets personal, just f00king LIE if i have to. it really shouldn’t be that bad. plus at least the one guy I even TRUST and don’t have to TRY so hard!!!!

might get a chance to bnag a gril. I said as long as she’s 6 or above. Or, even, 5.1 or above. just can’t be 5.0 or below.

what if she is 5.09? is the question begged.

well, depends on her age. the younger the better. of course, youth gets factored into her score anyway.

umm if i can score some xanax and she has a nice 4ss then the 5.09 might be a go. but not a 5.08.

of course i will not drink, i might well never drink again. but I WILL have some benzos if available, or take one HALF a puff off w33d. one full pvff is way too much for the likes of me.

and don’t argue with the leftists. heck AGREE with the leftists so they don’t try to get in an argument.

june 11 2014

welp i finally got back from muh little adventure vacation. the good news is there is no bad news and things were really fun and chill and i am very thankful. reconnected with at least one guy, the great guy i was talking about, and he is even greater than i remember, turning into a real role model.

the thing which i have to mention is we were talking about old people and he mentioned he had dated a gurl who was….. girl8 i have mentioned, and i was totes blown away, i didn’t know about that, and i told him i was kinda in luv with her and she was the one who got away for me and how i would love to marry and have babies with her even now and that i was kinda jealous that he got the chance to hang out, cuddle, make out, and bang that 4ss, because with her i actually liked her and would enjoy it on an emotioanl and not just physical level.

so i am not butthurt about it, i just thought it was a real funny coincidence, and of course a little jealous of all the things he got to do with her that i can only dream of, and i jokingly confessed as much, and nice guy that he is, he encouraged me to Get On It and that nothing is holding me back from Dating a Gurl like her, or even her herself. he is really nice like that, tries to hype up and boost the confidence of his frands.

so yeah that was just funny, but now i am of course thinking about using him to get into contact with her.

at this point, sloppy seconds or “eskimo brothers” is not a big concern for me, since i was already in luv with her.

funny thing is, he might have broken her poor widdle heart, which is not really that cool, but that doesn’t affect my Rel with Him, he is still a capital guy in my book, and I would like to make a thing of seeing him regularly now that we have very nicely rekindled things.

he has extremely good social skills and i was pushing him to ask people ridiciulous things just so i could study and take note and learn how to Communicate with people Confidently, because he has that skill in spades. I am tempted to say he is a full blown alpha male who could have any woman he wanted.

so i watched his Social Style with great interest, and how could I emulate that. and of course i will share with You.

getting things done, making tricky Phone Calls with ease, just generally being a Huge Social BOSS. I learned quite a bit just being around him, and of course would like to be more like him.

and he was not condescending to me, or a douchebag or d1ck to me, we picked up just like no time had passed, and he was very nice to me and laughing at all of my ridiciulous jokes, we were cracking each other up, it was really very good, and the gurl8 thing is really minor, i just have to mention it because girl8 is……not a significant, but def a NOTABLE part of my “luv life”, as i have dreams about her, would want to Date her, and is one of the last Wimmin I ever had Feelingz for.

WIMMIN: THE CONS HAVE OUTWEIGHED THE PROS

june 1

if while doing spring cleaning (which can be done ANY time of year, even the dead of winter!) and you see something that reminds you of an old friend but you really don’t need to keep it because you’ll never look at it or use it, but it’s hard to throw away because you didn’t leave on Bad Terms with that friend, you just grew apart, then Say A Prayer Of Gratitude and GoodWill for them, then throw the thing away, saying something like “don’t take this personally buddy, i wish you all the best, but I just need to clean my dam house”. and throw it away or give it to charity.

i guess some people get really emo attached to photos, if their house were burning, they would run to save their photo albums first.

ummm that’s understandable and acceptable. but i really don’t have a lot of photos…

ok i guess don’t throw photos out, just put them in a box. if it’s someone who RIPPED YOUR HEART OUT, ok yes you can and should throw photos of them out.

unless it is “revenge porn” hehehehehe. i think revenge porn is great. b1tches shouldn’t let you take nekkid pitcherz if they are just gonna j you over later!

note: i am NOTE encouraging any illegal or abusive activity!!!!!!!!!!

ehhhh wimmin. they are ok i guess, but i can TAKE THEM OR LEAVE THEM. So far in mah life, THE CONS HAVE OUTWEIGHED THE PROS.

also, they say that the def of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

i wonder if that’s jsut a wives tale because to me that technically sounds more like Stubbornness or Laziness, but not necessarily INSANITY. Of course in the back of your mind you prob know that what you’re stubbornly doing again and again is not gonna work, you just hope against hope that it will finally work this time, but not really EXPECTING it to work, per se.

who gives a f.

heh. it will be weird hanging out in close quarters with a bunch of normalfags with good jobs and prob headed toward marriage with their gurlfrans.

well, these really are the types of people i should try to hang out with MORE! and you too.

just be careful not to advertise yourself as a huge loser. HIDE YOUR LOSERNESS. If they pry, just give them a sanitized story and say you’ve fallen on kinda tuff times lately. but eventually you would like to get a nice entry level job in business or computers.

oh no, not dating anyone right now, haven’t met the right girl yet for marriage, not a problem, it’ll happen someday, just working on myself right now, playing the field a little bit.

funny thing is, i actually know some normalfag successfuls but i don’t make much of an effort with them. because 65% of them, i’m not sure i really like. but i should make more of an effort wiht the OTHER 35%!!!

and this is different because this is a completely different group, from my Old Life that I’m trying to erase most of it (except for the nice people) blatantly inviting me to do something.

and since i gave up drinking, it is A LOT EASIER to be on good behavior.

just pretend i am a hardworking normalfag who is having a spell of bad luck right now, but i won’t let it get me down!

but let the one old friend know i really wouldn’t mind an FT position in his Huge Employer. that would be set 4 lyfe.

june 2

ok leaving later tonight. did my errands, got my hair cut nice and short to help with the baldness, got the finances in order THANK GOD, cut the lawn, finally got a second here. want to do last touches on my civilization in settlers; ideally do pwalk, finish packing (toiletries?)

had a dream last night with girl7, o noes. well it’s been like 2 weeks for her, hehehe. in the dream we were driving around LA in a mercedes or fancy car and she was being cold and b1tchy to me pushing me to be a Pushy Customer to a Car Dealer for some reason. now, i prob do not stand up for my rights as a customer enough, and car dealers and car people are notorious for trying to screw their customers, so you DO have to be aggressive right back to them. masculine. I sighed.

of course, me driving around with her like that sort of implies we were “dating” and that I had probably gotten a chance to have her sit on muh face for hours after eating bowls of bacon and beans, eat her 4ss, maybe a little face f4rting perhaps (o come on, hahahaha), licking the sweat out of her 4sscrack, have nice missionary stare em in the eyes sechs, suck on her stomach and belly button and huge bewbs and all sorts of GROSS DEGENERATE PERVERSIONS as well as Happy Cuddling and Making Out, all the stuff that goes along with Dating. But there was really no hint of any of that in the dream. JUST her being a B1tch and testing my masculinity by putting me in an uncomfortable position.

thankfully the dream was short and I don’t remember much of it.

anyway. those disgusting 4ss perversions i don’t really want to do to that extent with every cute young gurl, it was something that symbolized the deep True Luv I had for Gurl 7. Maybe the more you are in Luv with a Gurl, the more disgusting things you are willing to do with her 4ss.

good news is, i’m not thinking of Girl8 at all any more. And I was reflecting that the Experience of Girl7 has pretty much BLOWN AWAY all the other Gurls 1 thru 6, effectively erasing them from my memory. (well, 99% at least, till i get the occasional dream and think of them again.)

heh. now I am thinking of G7 again. Ya know, things would have been a LOT easier if she had just said yes. then i would get a masters degree all day long. or at least gladly work muh crappy middle working class job 80 hours a week if i could just home to dat 4ss. dat heart :((((((( heh what beta bullcrap.

NO CONTACT TESTED BY GOD; PAINFUL DREAMZ

LONG POST, 1660 WORDS

sun dec 8 222pm goodness gracious. things just get more and more intense.

ANYWAY wanted to follow up on Girl7. So I did not talk to her. I am not even sure that she saw me. I would talk to her if forced, but I didn’t really WANT to. I didn’t want to SEE her. I am still in love with her, over a year after being rejected by her, hahahaha. no fake. yep she could say let’s do this, and I totes would. and THAT is why I need no contact WHATSOEVER.

and then later that very night I had a DREAM about her. Crhist. I saw her and she naturally did not see me, was in her own little world of studying, of college and career success, making 80k a year. but she still looked great, years later, the age did not hurt her, she even looked a bit more “sexual” and “sexy”, when IRL she was about as antisexual as it gets. she was wearing something that showed she had a weird tatoo near her shoulder, high up on the back, and she is NOT the type to get a tatoo. I made a point of walking right in front of her and saying “Oh hey, we gotta stop running into each other!” and I was a little too angry. and butthurt. I think I said something like “is that your boyfriend over there” and she said “oh here’s the guy I’m dating”, and she gestured to a really little beta short guy, but he was younger and more successful than me, think she met him through her successful career. I was like holy sh1t. this sucks. I have never known her to date ANYBODY, when I knew her and fell in luv with her a few years ago, she was asexual or an unrealized lesbian, never dated ANYBODY.

I continued being a butthurt dbag saying RIDICULOUS things:

“oh. so how’s the SEX?”

“Great! just great, o my gosh, I had no idea sex could be so good,” she said with absolutely no sarcasm whatsoever, like an asexual wirgin who had just been converted to Overly Satisfied Heterosexuality, and who actually has too much respect for God to say “Oh My God” instead of Oh My GOSH. (But not to be abstaining from premarital sex apparently)

“ANd you were a VIRGIN BEFORE meeting him, right?”

“Yep, he’s my first!”

“And so the SEX IS GOOD?”

“SO Good, O My Gosh!! I was about to have an ORGASM within SECONDS of him getting inside me! I have Multiple Orgasms and we have SEX all the time!”

hence her tatoo, and somewhat more “sexy” look. Not that I find tattoos sexy! showing a little more skin, but since she never showed skin normally, she was still showing less skin than the Average Woman, did not look as Sl00ty as the Avg Woman.

Meanwhile I was still working my 9$ an hour underjob and she had a masters degree and was making $40 an hour and had a bunch of people under her, was having Great God‘s Love Sex with her First Man, and I was still hung up on her a year later.

Then I woke up from the dream and was pretty pissed. God damn that SUCKED. Sh1t, last time I saw her (summer) I didn’t have a DREAM about her the SAME NIGHT! and this time I did, and it was a horrible dream, it sucked so bad. So not only the previous day was ruined by seeing her, then the NEXT day was ruined by dreaming about her.

Good news and lesson learned was: it’s always better the next day. It will be much better tomorrow, I will no longer feel as in luv with her. As long as I don’t have another dream about her tonight PLEASE GOD!

so yeah. it sucks to think I haven’t gotten over her AT ALL in ONE YEAR of 99% No Contact. But that’s just Not True! Cognitive Distortion! I HAVE gotten over her at least 51% in One Year of 99% No Contact! The ONLY reason I FEEL I haven’t gotten over her is because I JUST SAW HER, JUST HAD the 1% contact, and THAT is harrowing, I am reacting to THAT specific event, NOT “STILL” being in love with her. once again, after sleeping on it a day or two, I will be back to normal, back to being at least 80% over her, and that’s good enough.

plus I have very good reason to believe that this WILL be THE last time I EVER randomly bump into her again. don’t feel like clarifying that publicly, just trust moi. so that’s good. because I really didn’t want to see her again this time, I NEVER want to see her again, unless she says “I luv u, let’s get married, take muh asexual virginity, i don’t care that you’re a loser and I’m a huge winner, I luv u unconditionally”.

so yeah. seeing her SUCKED BALLZ. NEVER AGAIN.  And that DREAM might have even sucked MORE balls, due to the extremely “frank conversation” innit.

and also that very same day that I SAW her, I had a very emotional real life convo with a Frand of mine where I think it was a good thing that made us get Closer, but it was still very intense and energy draining, so I really need 2 or 3 days to recover from all this total. but that was a positive thing, seeing Girl7 was a Negative thing. and then next morning after the dream I didn’t feel much recovered from everything, and was cranky and mad and sad and then had an Outburst of Anger at Muh Family where I was screaming and throwing things around. Last time I did that was at LEAST 2 years ago, prob 3 or 4. and then after that I felt real bad and apologized for getting so mad and felt weak and sad and mad and upset and omega and hopeless and loser, a real come to jesus moment, and then I said a BUNCH of hail marys.well the good news is I am starting to feel better now heh heh.

LESSON LEARNED: be open and honest with your frandz if you’re fortunate enough to have any, just let it all hang out, well, don’t DUMP on them all the time like negative nancy, but don’t be afraid to let them know the Real You, because Real Frands should be able to accept them, if they can’t f00k them. however you shouldn’t be dumping on them and whining all the time like a little emo beotch.

when i go to church on sunday i usually don’t get Communion because I’m in a Constant State of Mortal Sin due to Jerking Off like once every 2 or 3 days, and spilling your sperm like that is a Mortal Sin in the Cahtolic Church. ANd I am always breaking 7 deadly sins: lust and also real big on hate and anger and jealousy and laziness (sloth) and all that. But this time I felt I really needed some extra help from the lord and that I really wanted to go up to communion, so I did. If it feels good, do it hahaha. usually I escape right after putting my donation in, then I sit in the car and wait until people come out, then drive home. but today I did communion, stayed for the whole mass, and that went well, it was an improvement.

but of course I wasn’t SUPPOSED to go to communion, jesus doesn’t WANT a horrible sinner like me to do that.

And even apart from the Smug Atheist Fedora Faggots, other stuff I read says Religion makes people Spiritually Suicidal by convincing them they are all horrible sinners, so just become a Good Slave and pray for The Afterlife and be miserable during your Life on Earth.

Which IS kinda a valid criticism.

Although I can understand Buddy Christ not being so happy about me treating Women like Disposable Receptacles and my Rotating Revolving Door Harem of 18 year old girls.

Buddy Christ
Buddy Christ (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

But if I were In True, Mad, God’s Luv (™) with a grill, like I was/am with girl7, no amount of religion or God’s Will would keep me from having Loving S with her.

Heh. of course GOD doesn’t STOP me from jerking off to pr0n or hating normalfag successfuls. God doesn’t MAKE you do anything. Free Will, beotches. You have to choose it for yourself, choose to submit lovingly to God’s Will. And I do agree 80% with God’s Will, I just like to Jerk Off Sometimes, or I get hateful and angry sometimes (often), but at the end of the day I feel I am an 80% good guy, and the LORD might have to be ok with that.

(As Someone who Studies Race, there is a whole other arg

Gangsta Luv
Gangsta Luv (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

ument here against The Christian Religion, but I won’t discuss that here. Other than to say this undermines muh faith more than Smug Fedora Atheist Philosophical Burden of Proof Collegefag arguments.)

tues dec 10 820 am

yep bounced back breddy much 5/5 100% from seeing G7 3 days ago. Way moar than mere 51% over her. Sure if you plop her f4t 455 right in front of me muh hjartan breaks in two, old wound torn open, but when you don’t do that, then I am bretty much ok, over it. don’t think its denial or ignoring, as much as the positive effects of no contact which some people, esp muh sjalv, is the preferred method. now some things are always right and some things are always wrong, but other things can be right or wrong depending on the context and person, and while NC might not work for some, like gurls who want to be frandz with every guy who was in luv with her, for me NC is a GIFT FROM GOD.