ITS NOT OVERCOMPENSATION, ITS JUST COMPENSATION

feb 20 2017

go to leafly and look at all the stupid degen stoners giving reviews of area MMJ dispensaries. poorly written, pure 80 IQ stupidity, 420 blaze it lololololol best purps and turps, totes heat fire, couchlocked from deez fire budz. and i am thinking, THESE idiots and n3gr0s have medical cards? i mean they have to, pretty sure all dispensaries have security at the door to check that sort of thing. letting just anybody in would be asking to be shut down asap by the popo. believe me, even they arent stupid enough to want that.

get butthurt thinking so all these idiots have medical cards, where did THEY get them?

but most of them probably DO have Chronic Pain from doing Manual Labor jobs for years, so I cant really HATE on them!

then reading horrible reviews of actual certification places, like rude doctors grilling people and accusing them of lying and making them feel like criminals for trying to get a card, or waiting 5 hours only to get denied. but there are probably more positive reviews tho hahaha.

heh. wish i still knew anyone with a MMJ card hahahaha. insta drvg dilla.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/sf/local/2013/11/09/washington-a-world-apart/

oh gawd hope they never take this down, an interactive map of charles murrays “SuperZips”(TM) that lets you see your ranking. my hood was lower than i thought but its still above 50 which i would assume is average hahaha.

heh basically makes a composite score out of median household income * percentage of college graduates. to show you where the “overeducated elitist snobs” (his term) of the New Upper Class sort themselves.

over my life i have lived in a zip that was below 10 in 2010 (horrible!) but back then it was prob a lot better. moved to a place that is mid 50s right now (it is a very nice place IMHO) and for Kollige lived in a place that was mid 70s and seemed very SuperZippy and esp SWPL leftist snob to my blood hahaha.

yet there are places very near to me right now that in the low 90s. but keep in mind this not necess a College Town, but a suburb where college educated professionals want to raises there families once they turn 40 and have made some money.

there are places near me that are horrendously low. poor black and white trash on drugs hahahaha. obviously shows me where i should try to score drvgs. all the places i would expect hehehehe.

fun tool, go play around with that map, see the scores of the zips. the number in the upper left from 1 to 100 is what you should be looking at. the green and yellow ones vs the dark blue ones. cant find another queryable dataset other than this (((WaPo))) one. but i bet charles murray has spent hours on this one hahaha.

get up early to go back to job tomorrow, end of weekend. took benedryls at 1 pm then 4 pm. bed at 7pm.

so MJ makes you lazy af. well im ALREADY lazy af WITHOUT it! thats my excuse. it would give so much FUN in blazing it, that its WORTH the tiny increase in laziness which would happen. im ALREADY very lazy. lazier than normies who become huge st0ners.

even at the young age of 24 she realizes that its a problem when she shuts down and doesnt communicate and wants to make an effort to improve her shitty communication style. good for her hahaha.

thought this would be the worst beta cringe friendzone story. didnt expect the part about “antisocial personality disorder.” and he is still doing better than me, in grad skool at age 23 hahaha.

feb 21

ok day at the job thank god. very low stress. thank GOD.

had dream last night that i was getting “intimate” ie groping, fondling, making out, and close to fooking, which to me is pretty intimate, but to many/50% of people is not, its just casual, with Woman 2005. i was just happy the dream did not feature That Woman! havent had a dream about her in a long time. would take any other of the women over her. so in fact i rather enjoyed this dream.

also it reminded me of the important lesson: when you are making out with a gurl and its getting hot and heavy and you are groping each other and she is letting you touch her Babymaker and she can feel your Babymaker getting hard, then that means the gurl is fully primed for and expects SECS. so if you DONT have secs right then and there because you get NERVOUS about secs, you treat secs as some hallowed babymaking ceremony that you have to build up to, she will be CONFUSED as fook. she will think why didnt he want to fook me? WEIRDO. CREEPER. and your plan to take it “slow” will backfire disastrously and you will never make out with the woman again and she will be fooking new guys in a few days.

the fix: you say, hey baby, i still get kinda nervous about secs because in my Principled Value System, it’s a very big step and a significant symbolic act with very serious consequences. So Imma give you a good pounding today, but imma just WARN you, it’s gonna be a little awkward, and you wnt have 6000000 gushing orgasms until I have banged you about FIVE times and have gotten more COMFORTABLE with this. so dont expect galloping thundering wallbanger secs right now on the first time. i am a traditional man and I dont like casual secs. so just KEEP IN MIND that we got to do this about five times before I really get into it and you really enjoy it.

this is exactly where I think I confused that 2005 gurl. I was making out with her and touching her Genitalia and she fully expected me to plow her that night, and I should have, but I didnt, because I really liked her, and didnt want to Go Too Fast like I did with the previous gurl. so, no surprise this new gurl also dumped me quickly. because what a weirdo i was! how come I didnt want to fook? was i mental or something? a psycho? absolutely! how crazy does a guy have to be to NOT bang a gurl who is consenting to be banged?

but i was in early 20s and this was only the second gurl i had gotten to 2nd or 3rd base or whatever that was. the second and the last gurl hahahahahaha.

so in the dream i felt those feelings, i was like, welp i am perfectly content to make out with you all night and just fingerbang your fookhole, i’ve only ever banged one gurl before, and i still get really NERVOUS about it. i didnt really communicate that too clearly, and she probably had trouble understanding how a man could ever be NERVOUS about secs, that all men would be THRILLED for such an OPPORTUNITY, and maybe she felt rejected by ME hahahaha. but i was VERY passionate and enthusiastic in my making out and groping of her! THAT should have told her that i was VERY thrilled to be doing this! and i was! the way normies feel about secs, I feel about making out and groping. but secs is just a bridge too far for me, and there i start getting nervous. and the women have a hard time understanding it. they couldn’t understand it at 21, and i bet they sure as hell couldnt understand it at 31, after 10 more years of the CC hahahaha. being rode hard and hung up wet.

so in the dream i was like, yeah babe I LUV making out with you, this is so hot, but i can see you want to get FOOKED, and you’re gonna get weird and think I’m weird if I dont stick it in you right now. so imma do that, but i’m JUST WARNING YOU, its gonna be kinda awkward. i’m just taking one for the team and doing you a solid as a sign of good faith, but I want you to give me good faith and commit to doing this 5 times with me, because i get nervous blowing j1zz in a new woman, because you can get preggers dont you know, or are you too tipsy from 3 drinks to think of the long term consequences of your actions hahahahaha.

really I DONT trust women to make mature adult decisions. they DONT know what they want, they DONT know whats good or bad for them. NO i DONT trust them to be an adult and make responsible decisions. thats the crux of the issue!

but yeah. i should have banged her just to NOT SEEM WEIRD, then she woulda let me bang her MORE, hopefully at least 5 times, and then i would have become more comfortable with it! WIN WIN!!!!!

so in the dream i started to stick it in and felt really nervous although I did like the sight of muh D going right into her Split Beaver. it seemed slightly pornographic but not as degen because it was “real.”

one issue was that a friend of mine was in the room with us, and i was like UHHHH BABE YOU SURE you want to do this with him standing right over there? and she clearly did. but that only increased my nervousness.

that has been a recurring theme, it wasnt too long ago i had another dream where a gurl was wanting the D but there was another person in the room with us. i wonder what that represents. probably my nervousness about secs. that im so nervous its as if someone else is in the room with us.

i mean i havent been in this position in like 12 years. it was about 12 years ago from right now when i was actually makign out with woman2005 and feeling her slimy pvssy hahahaha. it was nice. i really liked doing that. i just felt nervous going All The Way. because thats how babies get made and I didnt want to be conceiving any children and having to make a decision on the ungodly evil jooish abomination of abortion, which all women dont really have any moral reservations against, and im sure she didnt either hahahaha.

nothing super important here tbhfam. just if you get the chance to bang a gurl and you want to Take It Slow (TM) because you are Catching Feelings, ask yourself, do you really think she is Catching Feelings(tm) for ME, or does she just want a casual roll in the hay? prob the latter. never like the gurl more than she likes you! and you certainly want some more experience having Secs dont you? OF COURSHE! so just pound some booze, take a valium, mansplain that it takes you at least FIVE FOOKS to get IN THE GROOVE, and pound away like you are going mad in the gym. maybe do her doggystyle, might make that task easier. then she will stick around for at least 4 more bangs and you wont be so nervous about secs, about women in general. heh. i always got dumped before 5 bangs because they could tell i wanted a Real Rel, and they didnt. they just wanted Chill Fookbuddies. fine fine. yeah thats degenerate. but i at least could and should have used that degeneracy to my advantage. rather than my detriment. transactional hahahaha.

so yeah i DO regret not banging her. the regret doesnt eat me up inside, but it is a legit regret, i would totally have done things differently, and if i ever had the chance again, i would take it. i hope. rather than getting my heart broken again by another slut hahahaha. of course that wasnt the situation with That Woman, her I didnt even make out with but I was in luv with her. but i knew her for almost 3 years, those other women i barely even knew for 3 months. totally diff situation.

heh. you know you are a winner when you go to CONFERENCES. some of muh new colleagues are going to CONFERENCES. get on a plane and go to a 3 day conference in another state. this means you are a professional, you have made it, and you share ideas and research and articles and best practices and workshops and lectures and debates and presentations. and when you go to these all day conferences everybody TWEETS with a HASHTAG.

i bet if its a Hot Field with a lot of Under-30 WOMEN, god damn, that has to be a degenerate Fookfest worse than an undergrad frat party. because you have a bunhc of Professionals working 80 hours a week, work hard, play hard, then you go out to the bar, sing karaoke and get wasted, talk about your Career Paths, and have drunk secs with a 27 year old woman on her Way Up, and you have plenty to talk about because you have been on the same career path since age 18.  you think you have More In Common with a Fellow person in your Field, than you do with your GF or BF, who is in a field you know absoultely nothing about.  because your career is your whole life. because you are More Compatible(tm) with someone in your Career Field than someone whos not. If I had a Professional GF I would not trust her going away to CONFERENCES with a bunch of other nurses or teachers or marketers or realtors or accountants or whatever.

plus i am butthurt because at age 30+ i have never been to a CONFERENCE hehehehe.

heh those “sluts” i made out with 12 years ago have certainly been to conferences because they became Educated Professionals who live or want to live in 93%+ SuperZips hehehe.

anyway we got some guys in the office who Tweet and are Twitter Savvy, and other people who are not into it at all. just go to the conference and dont tweet hahahaha. not sure this is an age thing because there are plenty of 60 year old professionals tweeting up a storm. I tried to show the boss that i know how to use twitter and follow a hashtag hahahaha. but its something ive never “had” to do at a job before. that is, i never worked in a job where ANY of the people were regularly-tweeting professionals. not that you need to be a rocket scientist to use twitter. but you do have to be a Professional with Professional Opinions.

not just tweeting about feelings and women all day hahaha. or 1433 VVN hail victory hehe.

say you go to a conference that is 20% women at best and they are starkly divided between bangable and unbangable. how big of a head do you think those bangable women are gonna have? pretty fookin big hahahaha. not like they havent racked up 30+ partner count by age 30 anyway hahaha. so by that point, what differnece does one more Casual Coch make?

heh I was getting Bonding Chemicals and Oxytocin just from a hot and heavy make out session and touching the gurls genitals. how come this does nothing for THEM? that they NEED to be pounded hard before THEIR oxytocin kicks in?

but yeah its a bridge too far. i can be TOTALLY comfortable TOUCHING their cvnts, but putting muh exploding D in there, nope. cuz i NEVER FORGET that that is how BABIES ARE MADE. cant make a baby by making out and fondling. maybe i should have just tried to bang the girls in the ass hahahahahahahaha. be like hey HERES THE THING, Im paranoid about getting you preggers, so uh heres the thing. just lemme put it in your ass a couple times till i warm up to the idea hahaha. ya cant have a baby out of the ass. an 4n4l baby.

DEGENERATE hahahahaha. this is what YEARS OF PORN does to your MIND and SOUL.

Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard” – Tim Notke and made famous by Kevin Durant

hehehehe great quote despite its cheesiness, it is still absolutely true. one of those true as hell cliches you should live your life by. i dont care about some n3gr0 basketball player hahahaha. i used to have talent and USED to have a LITTLE hard work ethic, but I lost that by age 18/19, and have fallen by the wayside ever since.

smart professional 95% leftist people like to use medium.com as well as twitter and instagram hahahaha.

i can understand the value of twitter. i just dont care about instagram but i guess its succeeding. snapchat appears to be failing.

i of course prefer gab to twitter because weev and others can say horrible anti J things on gab without getting banned! yet. but gab is never gonna “beat” twitter.

ooooo milo scandal where today he resigned from breitbart due to some Soft On Pedophilia statements he made, “joking”about banging 13 year old boys. hope people dont think this is what the alt right is hehehehe. or that this justifies the anti free speech thing at berkeley a few weeks ago where milo was speaking.

certainly the media wouldnt spin it to make gays look like degenerate evil pedophiles hahahaha.  might as well say the alt right are evil degenerate pedophiles and dont represent gays at all!

but yeah i mean i never LIKED milo, i always thought he was a degenerate hahaha. also he’s a J. hes just reaping what he sowed. he is not true alt right, but normies THINK he is alt right, and i dont want this to besmirch the alt right. well its already besmirched ENOUGH, people think we are all ebil natzees, so, what diff does it make really. none.

anyway, basically we need more right or even MODERATE/CENTRIST people in Thought Leader positions, going to conventions, making tweets, having people respect their opinions. no not journalists, but people in EDUCATION and Nonprofits and Social Work and Community Action. all that shit is just as POZZED as the Media. Sad!

like i see a lot of people in the Education field who are genuinely smart but also like sniffing their own farts as far as writing anti trump shit on twitter and medium hahahaha. we need less of that. less leftism in education. woooooo what a yuge bigly idea hahahahaha.

but yeah it IS sad. EDUCATION is actually even MORE important than the MEDIA, and both are leftist as FOOK. we dont even have a fox news of education. other than betsy devos i guess hahahaha. but every education administrator and “expert” and EdD and Teacher’s Teacher are fooking leftist as fook, totally about Equity and Mo Fed Money Fo Dem Pogams. isnt there ANY fookin alternative to this? for those of us who CARE about education but hate this leftist shit? i would totally be interested in a masters degree somewhere in education…….except for this leftist shit!!!!!!! and Graduate Education IN Education is pretty much SYNONYMOUS with leftist marxist bullshit!!!!!! SAD!!!

 

 

 

 

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WE NEET VIRGINS CANT EVEN GET SLOPPY SEVENTHS

nov 23

had weird interesting dream. i was back in college setting, house where i lived, room where i lived, classic house, classic room, some good memories. IRL it was a huge room. in dream there were like 20 people in 20 beds in the room. i was in one. qt gurl was on top of my and had agreed to Teach Me The Ways About Secs because she was wayyyyyy more experienced than me, kind of secs positive SLUT. but she was really qt and nice to me and really not that patronizing. it was woman2007-8, this crazy blond mudshark slut that i was semi friends with for a while and boy did i have no game with her! but she was qt as hell and i sorta liked her and i would prob still give her a chance, if she werent a mudshark, and she got a nicer personality, and she gave ME a chance!

so she gets on top of me and i get very excited and she says, ok you just be patient and in a while i will come back and we will make out and have secs and it will be fun and i wont go too fast!

i was legit excited. except i would prefer that we could get started now and not have me wait 1, 2, 3, ? hours for her to come back.

also in these dreams i rarely ever ACTUALLY make out or have secs with the women. i am often close to them, touching them, cuddling, but never actually going that further step of making out or esp secs.

she leaves.  a few beds down this guy is having secs with his gf and she is making mad O face and he looks pretty chilled and stoned. its a guy i knew like 9 years ago and went to high school with but was never close friends with, but i respected him as a really really nice and good guy, and if i spent more time with him, he had good friend potential. and the dream gf for him was his real life wife. they had a baby i am pretty sure. i am glad for that, he would be a great father and should have at least 3 children. anyway no idea why they appeared in the dream.

most of the other people in the room were degen perverts doing weird ass fetish things. there were these perverted blacks trying to get people to use this weird Sex Machine where the guy got his Rectum Probed by this Anal Probe. I was like um no, not interested. and they were trying to sell me on it, like its super fun, everyone’s doing it, and they were!

i was like well this whole room is full of degen perverts, cant i have some goddam PRIVACY? so i went out of the room and explored the house.

all the other rooms were very similar. basically a huge house orgy, with people having secs everywhere. the idea was that all these gurls were hookers, prostitutes. this light-skinned black gurl started flirting with me and was implying, follow me and we will have secs. i felt kinda weird about race mixing like that, but i figured because it was casual hooker secs and she looked very good for a negress hahahaha. top 10%.

but then i felt like i would be “CHEATING” on the first woman. i didnt realize yet what exactly was going on in this house, and that all the women were hookers. i got nervous and tried to worm out of the situation. also i felt weird that she wanted to have secs with all these damn people in the room watching. i got out of there.

the rest of the dream, i went around looking for the first woman, in rooms full of hookers having secs. I bumped into her a couple times in passing. she was like, just wait for me in the first room, i’ll be back there as soon as I can.

at one point i saw her in another room sucking this sleazy looking guys D, and I felt weird. jealousy like she was so nice to me, and stupid like yeah shes a HOOKER, this is WHAT SHE DOES, sucking and fookin lots of guys. I might like eating sausage but I just saw the sausage getting made. The Ugly Truth.

then i tried finding OTHER hookers I thought were qt so i could maybe have secs with them while waiting. 90% of the hookers were Occupied. I found 2 or 3 hookers and approached them but got either rejected or the runaround every time, which was frustrating.

i went back to the original room which like every room in the house, was like a damn sodom and gomorrah.  i was like this is really sleazy, but i like this gurl, even though she IS a sleazy hooker. cant we just get this over with already. ill have secs with her in front of all these people because her body pressed on mine will be worth it.  and i truly believed that. i could make that leap. yeah she was a degen but i liked her, she gave great service hahaha. give her hooker of the month award.

i walked around nervously. went outside front door where MUH FAMILY was waiting. SURPRISE VISIT hahahaha. i was like oh god theyve caught me red handed in this sodom and gomorrah, they will be so disappointed to think i LIVE here!

and i was like yeah it is more degen than i’d like…..but i really really really want to bang this gurl. also i think i like her, maybe she can be my gf and ultimately wife. she seems like a nice gurl.

i just want some nondegen secs with a GF, and this is the degen place i have to go to get it.

so yeah lots of pretty obviously meanings here.

my mistake was feeling so positively about the woman, rather than thinking she Special and Different from all the degen hookers in the place. because she was sucking and fooking like the rest of them, and would make a horrible gf and wife. so she just happened to be NICE to me. GREAT. just showed how unused i was to qt wimmin being NICE to me.

heh in RL she was never THAT nice to me. because she had an awful personality, was a huge bitch all the time. i honestly dont know how i became friendly with her for like 2 months haha.well cuz she showed SOME niceness and SOME interest in me. that quickly faded out tho. when she saw how boring and beta i was hahaha. and wasnt a hip musician or black thug with herpes. i did have a drinking problem tho! hahaha.

she was legit very qt but was prob bipolar, maybe borderline, huge slut, huge daddy issues, because father was a legit deadbeat. sad. dont do that to white children. then they grow up into ruined mudshark crazy sluts.

TRY TO MAKE YOUR FATHER PROUD OF YOU. BUT NONE OF THESE WOMEN HAVE FATHERS.

and its sad when theres a white man who doesnt care enough about his white daughter to be PROUD of her or not.

no WONDER the woman does things no father would be PROUD of.

anyway. the dream points out how i think that normie women or sluts are LITERALLY whores. like prostitutes, efficiently fooking and sucking one guy after another. but they can still be nice to you, its essentially just Great Customer Service. but youre not even really a customer because theyre doing it for free because they Luv Secs and Secsual Freedom and License. but in my mind, right or wrong, theyre still very much like prostitutes.

heh i even saw in the dream a young wimmin i used to work with at the horrible job. there were 3 attractive women there: That Woman, and two other young women. I would like liked to bang all of them, maybe even Date any of them, but i never really talked to the other women unfortunately. the one who appeared in a dream was a real obnoxious annoying bitch and she thought that made her cute or funny or something. but she had a nice body hahaha.

also it shows how if a woman is nice and friendly to you, and she fooks you and all that, you can START getting feelings for her even if you dont know here, even if you know shes a wh0re. that combination of niceness, and interest, and secs, or even just making out, that can produce oxytocin and Feelings. so you shouldnt have secs with people you just met. but thats how modern women Date. you literally cannot Go Slow Because then she wont see you as a Secsual Person (im not gonna use the word friendzone, but yeah thats essentially what it is. you can say you cant put me in the friendzone, im ending this failing friendship! but in the end you still get nothing either way hahahaha.)

heh. FEDGOV intermittent 12 dollar job called me today and said they were doing interviews right when i am starting my new job. JEEEEEEEEEZ. if it had been a week earlier i would have said yes. now i just let it go to voicemail and i thinking should i call them back in the afternoon. very on fence. i just want to take a break from job searching and get good at muh new job. but i wish the new job were a proper full time job so i wouldnt have to do more job searching ASAP!

i mean its “intermittent” or “casual” which means you arent guaranteed 40 hours. you might just get 20 hours. or 10 hours. then 50 hours. then some split shifts. work for 3 hours. then go home for 6 hours. then go back to work for 5 hours. also there are no sick fedgov benefits.

so. whores might be friendly to you and you might even get feelings for them. but when they are not with you they are out there fooking tons of other guys. dont get feelings for whores. fook them at your convenience, and ideally, just stay away from these degen jooish influences.

http://www.howtogeek.com/247380/how-to-fix-windows-update-when-it-gets-stuck/

this is enough technical support for me, trying to fix my own tech issues. better than a broken hard drive tho. but apparently when you reinstall windows 7 in 2016 it runs into issues with windows update not really updating. or is it? are there really updates it needs but is not getting. lets never find out because its not possible to see into this black box of bullshit hahahaha.

i was listening to the jack benny radio program on sirius radio classics and it seemed like good clean non jooish non degen humor, and i especially liked the character or rochester, how sounds like a ridiculous black house servant. but wasnt jack benny jooish? it almost didnt matter because his style did not seem jooish at all.

YEP he was EXTREMELY 100% jooish.

sweet the windows update fix actually worked. or seems to work.

so is it good proving to myself that i still can get feelings for women who are dirty sluts?

or maybe i shouldnt dislike dirty sluts so much? be more forgiving?

well i MIGHT be forgiving if they actually changed their slutting behavior! and showed me actual interest and loyalty and didnt lose interest in me super quickly!

hey i know the rules. you cant MAKE a woman stop fooking other guys, you cant MAKE them not have a wandering eye hahaha, you cant be too pushy and call or text them too often, or hang out too often, i know all those rules.

and i guess i probably would take a friendly, cute slut over nothing, no one, incel hahahaha. would probably let her fook other guys as long as she didnt stop fooking me. and washed herself after fooking the other guys.

i remember in the dream there was the idea that the women were fooking many guys one after the other, not even washing themselves in between, just oozing with j1zz and the guys (and the women!) just didnt care.

reddit. these people are so degen they think a woman being a CAMWH0RE is a viable valid lifestyle choice like being a stripper. im a college student and to get some extra money i dildo myself on camera. this is normal adn theres nothing wrong with it!

YES THERE IS! would you want to be with someone who thinks this is JUST FINE?

oh you evil controlling abuser

ended in shitty way, he is heartbroekn, she wont respond hehehe

just stop having so much damn SECS with so many damn guys! slow down! close your damn legs! really understand and respect the fact that this is how babies are made and the babies grow inside YOU, in YOUR uterus, so you have much more to lose than those big secsy MEN!

that you fooking these guys is like a pathetic beeta male jerking off to porn all the time!

pathetic and disgusting and degen and jooish!

its not because skydaddy taught me that sex was ebil and immoral, its that he taught me sex is SACRED and HOLY and SUBLIME, and using it as hedonistic pleasure is dsgusting!

HAVE SOME DAMN RESPECT FOR HUMAN LIFE!!!!!

thats the root issue for me. and you dont need to be religious to understand that, and i get even more butthurt when i see people saying that this is a RELIGIOUS issue, when its not!

the only atheists i like are the anti abortion atheists hehehehehe.

https://www.good.is/articles/millennials-celibacy-better-than-sex

what a fookin crock of shit, 25 year old nyc journalist SLUT goes on celibacy thing for ONE MONTH to learn more about her wants and needs and feelings, as if she werent narcissistic enough, but she as just taking a break from fooking 10 guys a month for a month.

http://hazlitt.net/feature/confessions-sexual-skeptic

lena dunham and amy schumer are “WHITE, ABLE BODIED, AND FEMME PRESENTING WOMEN”???

I thought they were fat jooish slob sluts!

the problem with sex positivity is not that its too Cis, its that its too positive and too damn obsessed with sex sex sex sex sex sex. i mean yeah so am i but why not talk about how shameful slutsex is hahaha.

i want a woman who is a PRUDE because she takes sex SERIOUSLY and her role as The Pregnant Sex and NOT because of strict religious stuff, though being religious is probably a positive. but if you have to say oh i dont act like a disgusting joo because GAWWDDDDDDDDDD says no, and not being you think, Its fooking DISGUSTING whether GOD says so or not, well then you are always gonna be tempted to be a disgusting jooish n1993r like these muh dick ape people. dicks out for harambe hahahaha.

you dont need GAWD to tell you that acting like an animal is DISGUSTING. Now you DO need GAWD for plenty of other stuff. like to give meaning to your life….??? well no, being an honorable white person can do that for you. someone that you can show gratitude to? yeah ok. and also show gratitude to people on earth too. but you should have that much gratitude, that you have extra to give to GOD.  GLORIFY HIM.

i guess i am all about sluts today because i had that dream FULL of sluts having LOTS of secs, with that old gurl who was an IRL slut. you know if i had gotten more secs from sluts, had gotten to know more sluts as actual people, i probably wouldnt hate sluts so much AND wouldnt hate casual sex so much. because id be getting plenty of it, and i would see that sluts are people too, and i would figure out how to DEAL with them.

but i havent had those experiences. i havent HAD a lot of secs with sluts. getting secs with good looking sluts is NOT easy. secs with bad looking, old, fat sluts is not easy hahahaha.

i would probably still come to the same conclusion eventually that casual sex is disgusting and bad. but i wouldnt be so damn butthurt by it, and say, yeah, i admit, i had some good times with casual sex and the sluts that provided it. troubled gurls, but not bad people, and i had fun with them, and learned valuable lessons on how to Deal With People from them. how to communicate and handle conflict and handle women.

but nooooooooooooooooo i havent benefited personally from sluts, and really, that is all MY fault, so i am a little ashamed for that. that i am not even man enough to pull the EASIEST women.

the women who give it away easily dont give it easily to me.

well, they dont give it away easily to MOST men! theres the 80 20 idea. that really only 20% of men benefit from sluts.

or is it 50 50? the end result is the same for me hahaha

in fact, its better for me to say that im part of the 80 than the 50 because then i can shift the blame. feel better about myself and worse about women.

but even at 80 20, i still feel pretty bad about myself AND bad abotu women!!!!!!

I always knew i had low mate value so i wasnt even THINKING about going out and Finding Women until i improved myself Career Wise. then that became a damn 4, 5, actually 8 year process that did not produce a ton of results. from total loser to a nonserious job and a ton of College Coursework, to a serious job, to absolutely nothing total loser once again, back to a nonserious job, and less desire than ever to do More Education.

i knew i shouldnt even THINK about Dating without a serious job, and by the time i got one, i was so stressed out i didnt even care about women, didnt care about secs, jerked off even less than usual and only to try to relieve stress. along the way i very easily met a nice female friend and boom i fell in luv with her. damn. but i wasnt LOOKING for her. it literally just happened. i didnt have time or energy or willing to try to date broads off the internet. i just wanted to ease my mind from muh job, sm0ke mj, study my job so i felt prepared and hopefully more calm. i learned the shit pretty well but i didnt feel much calmer. but that was also due to things getting bad with the woman too.

was i an overbearing annoying pathetic stupid idiot bitch to her? of course i was. i never said i wasnt. I KNEW i was being one. yeah i can see how being annoying can ruin a friendship but…..i dont know. i still think she overreacted and could have been more nice and validating and sympathetic to me.

wow like a damn broken record. but i do need to tell myself this stuff multiple times a day. its part of the lonnnnggggg getting over it process.

wow lots of richard spencer in the mainsteam lugenpresse after this years NPI. well good for that phag enabler hahahahaha.

news of upcoming spencer appearance at texas a&m univ getting some news, if he actually does the event i bet that will get some tv coverage tbh

https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/lets-party-like-its-1933-inside-the-disturbing-alt-right-world-of-richard-spencer/2016/11/22/cf81dc74-aff7-11e6-840f-e3ebab6bcdd3_story.html#comments

not a damn word about millennial woes or other conference people hahahaha. all richard spencer. under pressure hahahahaha.

no im glad for the publicity. i would like to go to NPI one year, but I would ESPECIALLY like to go to the TRS gathering in feb 2017. maybe that will make the news. spencer will probably make an appearance there anyway. hes not a bad guy. he is separated from his wife? that sucks.

politico.com higher up fired for posting spencers home address on fb and saying something about how The Good Guys used to visit nazi meetings with bats. lets beat up this NAZI. im glad tbis editor was fired. get a real job phaggot. go prep your wifes bull and pay for your wifes sons sex change operation hahahaha. trump is of couse

nov 24

yeah i should have figured this. MSM would not try to take alt right even semi seeriously, would just call them a bunch of HATEFUL, DANGEROUS NAZIS.

dont be fooled by his top tier education, and his brooks brothers suit, and his neat haircut, and his handsome looks! he’s even more manipulative and bigoted than TRUMP! and what did you expect america, electing trump, you just open the door for more bigots like spencer and the alt right! full blown NAZIS!!!!!

so now i cant even say im alt right to a normie, cuz all normies know is that the alt right is NAZI KKK BIGOT RACIST.

i mean how is this suprising hahahaha.

anyway. moving on to how 2 make 26k a year and get a gf who will not leave you who you actually sort of like and enjoy having traditional secs with them once every two weeks hahahaha and the thought of them nekkid excites rather than disgusts you.

basically, you want to be with them and only them, and arent having second thoughts during a honeymoon period of a substantial period. like 6 months hahahaha.

its not all about are they attractive…..but i have never luved a woman i DIDNT find attractive and did not want to fondle every inch of their body. you want to be with them, and not leave them.

be like john candy, not like steve martin hahahahahahaha. re the planes trains and autos movie. not that steve martin is not a super talented, smart and funny guy. (but hes picked shitty movies recently.) and he’s not jooish. neither is john candy. who died way too young. and the ending about john candy not having a family is sad and heartbreaking. great movie. not too degen at all. john hughes. great goy. died way too young.

oh lord. john candy is having a moment of despair late at night when he talks to his dead wife and sitting in the burned out car in the snow and realized that he is a good natured soul and tried to get along with people, but he just Comes On Too Strong, and Smothers Them, pushes them away. i know that feel hahahaha. thankfully steve martin redeems himself and invites john candy into the hotel room.

i can relate. yeah candy (del) might sometimes smother, but that doesnt make him a bad guy, and he doesnt realize what a huge asshole neil (steve martin) is . so dell was not smothering in this case. he was taking too much responsibility and not giving enough to neil. so he shouldnt blame himself so much or feel so bad.

so yeah i dont really want to SMOTHER people.

well i didnt SMOTHER woman2012 hahaha. i didnt SMOTHER the casual sluts TOO much. who cares. i never had a real rel with them anyway and they dumped me before i smothered them TOO much.

so yeah i dont smother ALL THE TIME with women i like.

kinda hard to smother someone when you dont hang out with them in 10 months.

is texting a little bit most days considered smothering? 100 texts a day, yes sure of course.

also if she didnt respond i wouldnt KEEP texting.

i would just ask every 2 weeks can we hang out please. can we hang out please. PATHETIC. oh i dunno i’ll text you. oh i dunno ill text you. never text.

i mean we were BOTH terrible at confronting the obvious. its not all her fault hahaha.

i just wish she had responded and said no i dont hate you, no you didnt do something horrible, i jsut dont feel that way about you, sorry, the end, wish you well.

you can send that in 1 text message, maybe 2, takes less than 2 minutes.

and THEN if i start harrassing after that, sending shitloads of texts, thats on me, thats me being a bad guy. BUT NOT BEFORE.

then it takes 2 years of you telling yourself this shit to get over it haha

meanwhile they bang 5000000000000 guys and forget about you in 1 minute hahahahahaha. SO COLD. hehehe. all women are that cold hahahaha. cognitive distortion alarm hahaha.

how to take shit

well you just smile and K them with Kindness. Smile and K them with kindness. gotta remember that. turn the other cheek. be like yes sir. sorry sir. im so sorry sir. smile and eat the shit. thats what you are paid for. then when you get out and go home, get drunk and beat your wife and kids. oh wait. you are a meek underemployed loser who cant get or afford a wife or kids. so go home and get drunk and cry because you dont have a wife and kids to beat.

ok no wife and kids to luv or beat, cant drink alcohol cuz were done with that, the obvious answer is to sm0ke MJ till super blazed the second you get home (and pretty much continue until you go to bed) and then ideally do high intensity cardio AND hardcore lifting AND a sauna AND some work related study AND ideally some cuddling and luv with your nonexistent waifu haha.

thanksgiving dinner. the fam is nice people. super working class whites, total types that should be won over by trump but prob voted demonrat 16, 20 years ago. union working class. a couple of the men were like yep i am happy, one guy was like “i am ecstatic, he has balls and is going to clean house”. the women were more like herrrp im not super happy about this jerk trump but oh well i will live and not be like these crybaby protestors, life goes on.  just sensible reactions all around.

and i wish i could do what they do, work low paying hard working jobs, swing shifts, no days off, no holidays off, no extra pay for working on thanksgiving and xmas and new years, never 2 days off in a week, etc, but some of them have been around long enough (25+ years) to have the easier jobs and arent in the same shitty position as the new people being hired in in 2016 making 10 dollars an hour, even shittier hours, seasonal, casual workers, a bunch of shiftless blacks and foreigners, but also plenty of honest poor white working class people in there too. and its so easy to become a damn alcoholic hehehehe.

i suppose if i found myself in that position again, i might start drinking again, just be very careful not to drink and DRIVE.

and then try to quit drinking as soon as i could get ahold of some MJ from a black or mexican or arab at muh working class job hahahaha.

uncle bern talks about richard spencer and NPI and maybe alt right. i really want Uncle Bern to come over to Full Racism, to confront the JQ, to become a countersemite, to become a damn 1488 WN, but i dont think he ever will, but it would be nice if he did. i Grew Up on Uncle Bern and now it seems ive passed him because he has not really developed on the JQ, but he’s MORE than smart enough to have occasion to face the JQ.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/mystery-british-blogger-speaks-rally-9322583

jooish lugenpresse reports on millennial woes at NPI and supports that he should be doxxed for his hateful, misogynistic, ignorant views. glad to see all the comments are like you are full of shit, MW is a good boi dindu nuffin.

http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/who-mystery-scottish-racist-who-9317228

another uk press article on MW. ok ts the same article, just diff comments, but same general pro-MW sentiment, good. looks like some TRS goys got in there, good. i could see you calling TRS hateful possibly, but to call MW hateful is absolutely ridiculous. he is the least hateful person ever. also, i think some hate is justified in these times. neither TRS nor MW or any of the people I like go over that line, which i guess would be openly encouraging violence and terrorism like some kind of federal informer hahahaha.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/inside-most-racist-town-america-9328501

most racist town in america, harrison, arkansas hahaha they have pro white billboards. sounds like a great place to live hahahaha but probably not a lot of 26k a year jobs there or 25 year old n<4  6.7/10 white trad waifus there hahahahahahahahahaha

not sure how carbs became the worst thing ever, but they are.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

heheheheheheheh cant forget about that one

this is how women respond to everything and they think its CUTE.

ok ok ok STOP STOP STOP COGNITIVE DISTORTION ALARM. COGNITIVE DISTORTION ALARM.

n1993r alarm.wav hehehehehe

nov 25 2016

http://therightstuff.biz/2016/11/22/how-to-red-pill-your-woman/

heheh i forget theres a TRS regular site with articles

i mean real men wont NEED an article, but On The Fence Borderline Men like me would like reading an article like this hahahaha. like we will ever get a woman who wouldnt dump us IMMEDIATELY anyway hahahaha.

they dont give you the CHANCE to redpill them, theyre already LONG GONE.

i might pull the trigger here and spend 18 dollars to buy a stainless steel old fashioned Safety Razor, ie an old school razor that uses wristcutter razor blades. they say it gives a closer shave AND less discomfort than any of the modern 6000000000 blade gillette razors. not that i like a smooth baby face! its quite phaggy, pedophilic, jooish, feminine, cuck, omega, womanly.

but for those times that you absolutely HAVE to shave, ie job interviews, new job, weddings, funerals, then why not have a good, comfortable shave?

got dbt workbook by mckay and 2 other authors, new harbinger publishers, wahterver. looks promising. little thinner/shorter than i hoped, but not terrible.

looks very promising. hope i will like it hahaha. i dont think i will HATE it.

trying not to think about how All 6.6/10 and above 25 year old single women are All Huge Sociopathic, Abandoning, Horrible Immature Sluts hahahaha. total cog distortion ahahahahah. just gotta not think about it. ignore it. avoid it. and do anything else. like WORK. lift weights. play vidya. powerwalk. ideally would be working at job that did not K me. work and make money. but that is SO HARD to do too. even doing the bare minimum of making 26k a year is SO, SO, SO, SO UNIMAGINABLY hard, a HERCULEAN, SISYPHEAN, ATLEAN effort.

I knew it would be hard, but I didnt think it would be THIS hard.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯   ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯   ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

¯\_(ツ)_/¯  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

hehehehehe

sheeeeeeeeeeit.

i had a dream where i was hanging out with WEEV and a bunch of young alt right pro-whites. they were all younger and much higher energy and more confident and nonnevergf than me hahahaha. i was talking to this other guy and he said ok here’s your first assignment, we want to make sure youre not an undercover fed, and i was like ok, I just dont want to do anything violent or illegal hehehehe. somehow i had gotten infected with some sort of wirus where my body was covered with disgusting boils or huge zits everywhere. my mission was to go swimming in a pool filled with a bunch of young joos or antiwhites, and therefore infect all of them with this disgusting affliction. I went ahead and did this. i did not see the results of it and i woke up shortly afterwards.

kinda funny though.

heh got a SNES and n64 emulator, and all these great games, some final fantasy rpg games, classic stuff, and i dont feel like playing them. is it because the keyboard is too hard to learn? i dunno.

hmm thank GOD i did not really fall off the fatwagon on thanksgiving. like its not gonna screw up muh whole month. heh. but my downfall will be eating this goddamn CAKE. fook CAKE.

but you can sit there and just eat straight turkey or whatever all day. lots of protein, low calories. even the gravy is not bad. but start adding stuffing and potatoes and cake and mac and cheese and then you are DONE. FINISHED. instant lardass.

you dont get fat off meat. you get fat off mac and cheese and french fries and pizza and carbs and bread and pasta and noodles. and cake hehehe.

i have gotten better at doing more pushups. what i do is 10 pushups when i get up in the morning, and then throughout the day, just randomly do 6 pushups a couple of times per day. like 3 or 4 of those hehehe.

just stuff me full of fried meat until I am cripplingly obese and provide me with heroic medical care until I gracelessly expire ahahahahahahahahahahahaha

hehehe i WISH i came up with that beautiful poetry hehehehehe.

all right i will try to play final fantasy 6 aka ff3 for snes, which i never had, and which is very very very expensive to buy an snes cartridge for, and was the game prior to the big ff7 on ps1, and i guess ff6 was very acclaimed as well. i recall playing an emulator at leat 5 years ago when i busted out muh actual snes console.

welp played a bunch of ff6. it was ok. not bad but not amazingly awesome. could do a lot lot worse if you are looking for an old fashioned rpg tho.

prob not worth paying 60 bucks for or however much it is on ebay.

again. it was ok but still kinda meh. i did not get sucked into a world like i did with ff10 and 12 for the ps2. although snes is prob the better system, and one i spent way much more time with during muh very formative years.

i could dl a ps2 emulator too hahahahahah. but the games are way way large. i cant believe how small they are for snes games. like 1 mb. so small. a huge game like ff6 is only 2 mb.

THE TIME HAS COME WHERE I/YOU NEED TO MEET NEW WOMEN

for sat april 15

now: sept 6 2016

sept 7 2016

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

yeah i have been physically not too great, mentally/emo not too great either since coming back from muh “vacation.” hehehehe. when I got back I promptly went to bed for 16 hours. the next day I was still tired and had aches and pains all over the body. i had done some lifting and carrying of stuff but it really didnt seem bad enough to produce such soreness!

also had annoying borderline water faucet colon which i usually only get in the morning after drinking a lot of coffee too fast, but here it lasted all day and that was very annoying. couldnt even enjoy a nice powerwalk without thinking im gonna shart muh pants.

have been getting sharper “carpal tunnel” pains lately. this has been going on for at least a year but the last couple days its been more noticeable. it is honestly probably enough to get me a medical MJ recommendation for “chronic pain”!!!!! not even joking.

was taking pepto bismol which usually helps with the watery #2’s, but didnt seem to help much yesterday. at the end of the day was very tired. not just low energy, but darn exhausted, even though i hadn’t done anything. slept pretty well again but could have slept longer if i hadnt forced self.

yassss got new shoes from zappos, they seem to fit well. i mean my current shoes are just terrible. they are SO worn down, but really all on one side, so the shoes are very lopsided and diagonal and that cant be good for the foot.  i mean i should have upgraded these shoes months ago. i hope i havent done permanent damage hahahaha. basically i am an overpronator and the outside of the shoe gets worn down much much much more.

but yeah i just felt like i was 80 years old hahahaha.

THANK GOD for the new shoes though. this is my typical thing though. wait way too long to replace stuff that should be replaced. or get haircut. or clothes.

honestly cant stop pooping. this is ridiculous.

new shoes feel gr8! that is awesome. very good. THANK GOD. because this is a privilege most people dont have. buying new shoes when they need them.

yeah so i wore the shoes and took a 3.2 mile walk and the shoes were great.

388 days since i sent her the last contact. i figure 400 days is a nice round number. nicer than 365. but a YEAR is a nice round period of time. why arent years 400 days hahahaha.

422 days since i last talked to her, abotu 419 days since i last SAW her.

theres a thought that I should address Muh Egregious Red Flag Employment Gap in muh cover letter. I am open to doing this.

fdfdfgfg

hg

hgh

ghghghgh

ok. gave this one a try because i liked the cover art hahahaha. wanted to see how the production and songwriting compares to “ashes against the grain.” there seems to be more blasting in a blatant black metal style on Marrow of the spirit, so, I like that. now the SOUND on MOTS is really interesting. I think I like it, it’s definitely provocative so yeah that’s good. the drums sound a little weird and the guitars sound very “warm” and fuzzy. the whole thing sounds rawer and more underproduced than I was expecting, not in a bad way of course.

it sounds like they intentionally tried to make their sound more “raw” or “live” or “organic”, and in theory, I am always in support of this.

heh. finally applied for job. 30k county job. i prefer to apply for the 26k county jobs, but i have gotten interviewed for a 42k county job!

i want to work for you because you have a MF day shift, weekends off, no overtime, 37.5 hour work week, and bennies. so its a good fit for me because i dont handle stress or pressure well hahahahahaha. or customers. thats why i have to be high on xanax all day at work hahahahahaha.

no obviously i don’t actually often USE benzos. i brought 3 valiums with me to our little vacation, and i completely FORGOT about them. sheeeeit. they may have come in handy when i was freaking out because of the MJ! which is the entire reason I brought the valium!!!!!

i am very close to the cusp of focusing hardcore on temp/staffing agencies. recruiters for temp jobs.

because the only people that will “take a chance” on such a RISKY person as me, are the absolutely bottom of the barrel shittiest jobs that will hire ANYONE……or MAYBE jobs where the job contract is limited. temporary. finite. temp. if the person sucks, they will be gone soon.

also if i go a week without an interview, the confidence def goes down. as you get 2 or 3 rejection emails a day hahahaha.

heh. if i got rejected by WOMEN like this, I would have even less confidence hahahaha.

or maybe i just wouldnt care and would bullshit the things i am supposed to bullshit to get women to spread for muh dick hahahahahaha. maybe it would actually be EASIER.

yeah that sounds woman hating, but You Women really DO give it up to easily and don’t have the appropriate RESPECT for SECS, like your biological role in secs. I dont NEED to have as much respect for secs, because men just dump sperm. the costs and risks and responsibilities are much higher for women. RESPECT that.

ok forced my way thru 2 applications. again i am getting discouraged here so i am not applying to “reach” stuff with muh dream orgs unless they are fairly low paying…..and of course these jobs skew towards high paying.

unbelievable. company sending a pdf for me to complete…..but its not an editable pdf. they literally want me to print it out, fill it out by hand, then scan it, then send THAT pdf back. this is a fairly big company where that shit is blatantly embarrassing.

so instead I am converting the pdf to a jpg and trying to edit it in paint. not working so well. with the text boxes and shit.

this is truly a very good album!

it took me basically the whole album just to fill out that shit. using pixlr to add text boxes, rasterize, and draw little circles. unbelievable. they are looking for skills in VISIO and PROJECT which i technically have hahaha yet their goddam Talent Acquisition Team can’t make a pdf editable. absolutely disgraceful. See, I would volunteer my personal time after work to make the pdf editable so they wouldnt have to pay me for that work.

plus i get to show extreme ingenuity and cleverness and problem solving with this pdf to jpg, pixlr, jpg to pdf nonsense, hahahaha. sending them back a pdf that was 8 times larger in size than the one they sent me hahahaha.

because they couldnt do any of this with plain text, saying, answer all of these questions in your reply email. nooooooo that would be too easy.

or god forbid have something in the taleo applicant tracking system THEY ALREADY HAVE AND USE.

but yeah. then they wanted me to explain in the REPLY EMAIL any Gaps in the past 7 years, and also all Reasons For Separation in the past 7 years. I guess I should be glad they didnt ask for 20 years!

but this implies they are gonna read the email……so why demand the shitty, shitty pdf as well?

just to make shit more difficult and weed out the weak.

so I will be PISSED if this doesnt result in an interview.

i added an extra 20 minutes to the spreadsheet for the amount of time it took to apply for this job.

thinking SEARS might be a better place than jcpenneys for me hahahaha.

just looking for t-shirts that have like STRIPES or patterns or some shit, that is not a damn “graphic tee.”

something that is more interesting than just a solid color t shirt, which is what i usually wear, but that is kinda boring!

interesting. what gets me most worked about That Woman is not really thoughts of her spending time and being nice to other men, and loving them and cuddling with them, but really the more x rated stuff, like her sucking dick, fooking her, her sitting on their face and them licking her asshole, hahahahahahahaha. banging her from behind, banging her from the front, tongue in the mouth, her sighing and breathing heavy and getting juice all over. that real porno stuff, which isnt even all porno stuff, but actual real life secs stuff. that is what gets me angery.

that is the sort of stuff that gets me all hot and bothered!

anyway of course i should not be thinking about it at all.

but yeah i have no interest in other women. occasionally i will see a young qt i want to bang but not super often. and i would STILL want to bang HER moar!!!!!!

stupid shit really.

basically i cant ever imagine WANTING another woman as much as her, and also that i will never STOP wanting her!

i mean yeah it has gotten better. and yeah i DID eventually stop wanting those other women. it just took like 2 years hahahaha. and it hasnt been 2 years with this woman yet.

just no interest in women other than to maybe opportunistically bang unmarriageable sluts. great. and never fully exorcise the memory of HER. because I always got along with HER best, we had the most special best connection.

yeah well if it was so good, how come she couldnt even send me a damn text message and just say awwwww im sorry ok now im blocking you sorry.

or have her family or our mutual friend send that message to me for her.

but yeah that connection! even if it was just for me. how am I ever gonna feel that way about someone else ever again? and that is what I WANT to feel for muh wife, the mother of muh children!

yeah it def was the worst heartbreak.

the OBVIOUS ANSWER to how do i forget about HER is……….MEET NEW WOMEN!!!!!!!!!! THE TIME HAS COME where I NEED to MEET NEW WOMEN!!!!!!!!

of coursh I have never ever really liked meeting new people. it is not fun. men or women.

some people, normies and chads, actually LIKE meeting new people and think its FUN.

i have no interest in meeting people unless its a young woman and they are qt and seem NICE.

how hard is it to be nice? not very, but many people seem to think so.

hearing about this guys GF who is like 19 years old and NOBODY likes her. she has “no personality”.

i thought, so what if she has “no personality,” That Woman didn’t have much of a personality, usually if a woman has a strong personality, that means she’s bitchy and obnoxious. no thank you. just have a not-strong personality and be nice. be pleasant. i’m thinking this young girl is both no personality AND not really nice or pleasant either. jeeeez. how unpleasant do you have to be as a 19 year old gurl to have nobody like you??!?!?!?! also I have heard she is not terribly good looking either.

meanwhile i found, once upon a time, a nice, qt, woman that everybody liked because she was NICE and had a GOOD personality.

with men its harder. you have to have an ACTUAL personality, and NOT Just Be Nice. i guess I cant be mad about that, thats just nature.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/51tj9x/me_23_m_with_my_ex_girlfriend_22_f_for_about_2/

dramatic breakup story, he cant get over ex, who blocked him, but they had their problems, also she talked to him a lot more and prob would have been willing to give him some closure

spet 9

well i have learned from /r/relships/ that women indeed have some agency and are not to be regarded as total BABIES.

(every single attractive young woman on linkedin is a GOD DAMN RECRUITER.)

anyway, not to get off on a tangent, basically, the leftist scum of reddit insists that women are not powerless infants and indeed they DO have some responsibilities. well of COURSE they would think that tho! they like powerful independent wimmin!

but yeah you hear stories where women actually do stuff, put in an effort, or in some cases, stalk the guy, or get needy or clingy, texting the guy, getting jealous, getting heartbroken. i guess its nice to know that women are CAPABLE of this!

or just basically that they are willing to talk to you when they are dumping you and to say sorry and to be conscious that them dumping you is gonna hurt you and they are making some token effort to mitigate some of that hurt!

also the idea that the solution is pretty obvious (dump that b and run away!!!!) and the Bad Guy is pretty obvious.

i just hate being the Bad Guy because I couldnt understand Space.

but i dont think it was that simple either. i think any mature person would say SPACE ISNT AN EXCUSE TO AVOID DEALING WITH THE SITUATION. SPACE ISNT AN EXCUSE TO NEVER COMMUNICATE.

i think i already made that a post title. or something very close to it hahahaha.

so basically when a woman has secs quickly, she is saying “MY VALUES ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THAN YOURS.”  so maybe its a stage. but why should the stage be like 10 years long or 15 years or whatever? thats a pretty long stage. too long for me.

ok applied for us army job. they have a big facility which employs a lot of people in the area with damn good 35k jobs like this one.

an open relationship will NEVER work if BOTH people dont agree about wanting it. period. it HAS to be completely mutual and UNANIMOUS.

of course at least 80% of Breakups are not unanimous, but they dont need to be. it would be nice if they were!

SHOW ME I MEANT ANYTHING TO YOU!!!!!

welp at 399 jobs now, should prob make the big 400th a good one. i think we decided not too long ago to make 500 the new goal.

i mean i have a hard time with jobs. bullshitting my way and figuring out what to do in tough confusing situations. figuring out how to do and handle my job. figuring out how to fix problems and what to say to frustrated customers who are counting on me to fix their problem…….and i really dont know what im doing. i feel incompetent because I AM incompetent and its inherently stressful to try to serve people when you ARE incompetent. because you ABSOLUTELY do not feel free to make mistakes or fail, because someone is basically gonna insult your intelligence.

in school it was ok to make mistakes, because only your grade suffered, and only a little bit, and you could always ask questions without being bitched at and treated like someone who should be fired.

how did that woman do it? oh yeah she just went with the flow. great advice, you horrible person hahahahahaha.

fookin captain obvious. fookin captain obviously easier said than done. jeeeeeez.

also reading /r/rels you see how FLAKY women are. they will just give up on you for the stupidest shittiest reasons and there is nothing you can do about it. because you have to respect their wishes that they dont care about you any more and dont want to do anything to work on things.

where do you go for nondegenerate dating advice? actually /r/rels is pretty good…..BUT they are degen on things like open rels, or being a SLUT. i guess I am just happy that they view Cheating as a Bad Thing. but yeah they dont view having a Super Promiscuous Slut Past as being a bad thing. when it totally is.

and i dont want to go to a christian thing, again. because I want YOU to understand why being a slut is wrong, not just because of muh good book or muh jeebus. which are all great things mind you, but it honestly seems………MORALLY LAZY!!!!!! to have muh jeebus be your answer to all moral questions.

but i dont like atheists. but do i like a devout blind faith type person better than an atheist? probably.

ideal would be a person like me: someone who wants to have faith but is just filled with tons of doubt.

and a woman who just thinks casual sex is GROSS or SLUTTY, and SLUTTY is BAD. I dont wanna be an icky gross SLUT. SLUTS ARE GROSS, she says. I would never want to be gross like that.

and she said that! she had an appropriate sense of DISGUST and DISDAIN 4 SLUTS!!!!

if i even have to mansplain it…….that stuffing a guys dick in your mouf and babymaker, who you dont even know this guy, you just met him a few days ago…if i have to mansplain why that is disgusting, then you are too far gone.

and 90% of women are too far gone hahahahahaha.

might have a little nyquil today, go for walk after, go to bed early.

called this auto service place for recall notice and actually got scheduled to get that fixed. so that was an accomplishment hahaha.

heh. you know how some people “break up” but theyre not really “borken up” because they are still hanging out, fooking, texting hahahaha. sometimes even the gurl initiates, decides she doesnt want to be totally done with the guy, and presents herself to be fooked. can’t say that happened to me hahahaha.

basically, if she had ANY desire to talk to me……..SHE WOULD HAVE.

WOMEN ARE ACTUALLY CAPABLE OF DOING THINGS, the reddit has taught me.

but its easy to think they aren’t, when you have a case where the woman does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. you think, are ALL women like that? I HOPE not all women are like that!!!!!!!! but i dont know enough women to tell. so then its GOOD to read these stories and anecdotes.

AYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I have just gone from a floundering seal to a baby seal on SwC poker hahahahaha. this is a YUGE deal, its taken me like 2 years to get to this point.

 

 

 

NOTHING WORTH SAVING HERE!

911

anyway. if someone is hurting you, you have to tell them, especially if they are not aware they are hurting you, or dont intend to hurt you. like if some selfish person refuses to hangout with you, you have to let them know it hruts you. but i dont MEAN to hurt you they will retort.

doesnt matter, the shit you do still hurts me, and if you are serious about not hurting me, uhh take that into account and change your behavior if you really care about me bitch hahahahaha.

so i was too nice to her really hahahah. she was DONE MONTHS ago, but i naively hoped the distance was just temporary.

i should have been reading muh GAME hahahaha.

working on several other women at the same time so i didnt get ONEITIS, which i did.

putting the pussy on a pedestal!

you can see i am being facetious.

i dont think its inappropriate to get feelings for someone after you have gotten to know them for 2 years; or also for men to think you have feelings for you when you have Secs with them.

of course that second one is super naive in this age, because women have secs and THEN get to know you (if ever!) and only many months later do feelings develop, if ever, and probably not, because she flakes out or you do one thing wrong.

call me crazy old fahsioned, but this is why i beleive that women should NOT have secs with men RIGHT AWAY, but WAIT until they REALLY KNOW AND LIKE them, which will take several months! 6 months maybe!

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/cutting-again-after-friend%E2%80%99s-silent-treatment

i forgot about go ask alice, one of muh fave advice sites, even though they are marxist and degenerate and encourage women to be sluts and break mens hearts because all men are rapists or niceguy scum woman haters hahahaha.

Don’t emotionally exhaust yourself by continually reaching out. It sounds like you’ve done your part apologizing and attempting to communicate, but without his cooperation, the friendship may have run its course.

well some b is cutting herself or some gay guy because their male friend is giving them silent treatment. yeah i sorta agree, i mean youve done all you can, ball is in their court, your work here is done. now alice says “they might still care” but uhhhh kinda hard to tell if they refuse to communicate with you at all ever.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/told-him-my-true-feelings-and-now-its-truly-awkward

anyway despite how sex positive alice is, they still are good about emphasizing communication, and how important clear effective commuincation is. i would agree 100000%, communication is very important. not shitty communcation where you beat around the bush and never communcate about the elephant.

and if they say

i dont want to talk about it,

then you just have to say OK like eeyore and say youve done all you can????!?!?!?!

ACTUALLY…..NOT OK!!!!!!

trust, commincation, and respect. how the fook can you have ANY of those things with a WOMAN, let alone all THREE? hahahaha.

heh. i used to have all three with her and it hurts to lose a special person like that. well, the communication could have been a little better. then it just got worse and worse!

but yeah its a big damn deal, it was quite simply and honestly, the closest and most important Relationship i had had with a woman in years, since i had some female friends in 2005 and 06. then we drifted apart because of distance and i didnt really get close to any women until her, from 2012-2015.

thats what WOMEN DONT UNDERSTAND. YOU CAN GET CLOSE TO SOMEONE WITHOUT HAVING SECS with them.

they are like SEX ANIMALS. sex is the only way they can understand anything, the only way they can have feelings, its the Deepest Thing for them.  they think it is more important than Communication, Trust, or Respect for building an intimate relationship. or a non intimate relationship!

its just amazing she can be in a long term rel and be so shitty at communicating. well she just was shitty at communicating with ME. i wish she had not been! come on! she had much less to lose with me! why NOT talk to me! because it was too overwhelming and too much work for too little reward?

i should thank her for finding ENDING THIS CHARADE and DISABUSING ME OF THE DELUSION!

well, she could have done that a lot earlier, 10 months earlier to be exact. if anythign she kept the shit going too long by giving me some mixed signals amidst it all that made me think this was all temporary.

also she would either have to communicate to End It All……OR not communicate at all, which of course is what she ended up doing. but she could have done THAT 10 months earlier is what im saying.

so im not gonna thank her for SHIT is why im saying hahahaha. but i am starting to appreciate that it will be good to have her out of my life as someone that will waste my time, and not be able to commuincate or trust or respect. then what fooking good is she really? apart from some FANTASY i can fantasize about, but everything she is in real life is annoying and infuriating and hurtful and heartbreaking? no thank you! take it back! pack your shit and leave! gtfo my life! you add no value! you bring only pain and nothing good!

if anything my communication skills are really GOOD, IF i can feel free to Speak Freely and not hide or avoid shit. but with someone i trust, i can articulate my thoughts and feelings really well. but if its some bitch i am trying to stop from leaving me, then i get emotionally compromised and start commuincating more unclearly. and sometimes they dont even LET you communicate with them hahahahaha like what happened here.

this is why it can be helpful to write emails, when then person is not right there in front of you. that can just make you more emotional and more likely to Bargain Desperately, and do something Desperate or Stupid, rather than communicate honestly or freely.

like when i would say yeah we can date other people ABSOLUTELY, when i really didnt want that, i would just do ANYTHIGN to APPEASE them and keep them around in ANY capacity.

hilariously enough, they just left me anyway, wouldnt even let me SHARE them with other people, they did not want me among the 10 other people they were fooking at that time hahahha. fooking bitches and whores.

a man who uses those words is an abuser. well i respond, that a woman who acts like THAT deserves to be called those words! dont be a bitch and hateful abusive men like moi wont call you a bitch!

hahahaha.

look at all the people on go ask alice who are having secs for years and in ltr’s, and they have the MOST OBVIOUS problems that culd be solved with just a little communication, but they obviously dont have that. yet they still have secs and have been dating for at least a year. so how did they get to that point? with no damn communication in the relationship?

i dunno. maybe they did have some communication for a while, but then it broke down.

oh well first sign of problems, better bail out and find a better replacement! its never worth it to try to fix problems!

hehehe or at least when it came to trying to fix problems in a rel with a Repulsive Horrible Person such as myself, they always would rather just bail out hahahahah. nothing worth saving here!

so that is not helpful for the old self esteem hahahaha.

see the difference between me and women is that when i get feelings for a woman, i dont suddenly want to stop communicating with them. to the contrary, i want to talk about how the relationship may have to change. rather than running away and taking dicks and pretending nothing ever existed.

nope just bury your head in the sand and take dicks.

so yeah i will be angry at her for hurting me for a while. i know they say you are supposed to forgive them. i really dont know if you need to. i mean, if they hurt you, and you are never gonna see them again, and you know you are over them after a few years, who CARES if you FORGIVE them. like shit i wont forgive woman3, even though i am well over her, because it really doesnt do me any good to forgive her, i mean she is a dead part of my past, it just doesnt matter if i forgive her. fine i forgive her. big fookin deal. it doesnt mean anything, im just saying the words “i forgive you” i really cant feel ANYTHING toward her now but i am sure i would still fook her if she looked good. i mean i havent seen her in 10 years and i never think abotu her! just an example.

yeah i am def getting over it a bit but i am still not happy. i am angry at her for being so god damn stupid. it didnt have to be this way!!!!!!!! but noooooo she was so stubborn against communicating and acting like a god damn adult. had to act like a fooking 5 year old. just absolutely had to. couldnt even act like an 18 year old! even though she is way older than that. just ridiculous. god damn. be a little bit cooler than that. she didnt need to be THAT disappointing! its ok to be a LITTLE disappointing, but this was just too extreme.

anyway life is not fair so get used to it!

ANYWAY yeah there were warning signs. NAMELY, the Breakdown In Communication which started even BEFORE that 10 month period i was feeling for her. it prbably started a few months BEFORE that when i was afraid to directly address the topics of her old boifran and her new boifran. i mean she could have addressed the topics too but so could have it. i guess the blame there was 50 50. although in the end it was still 66 33 hahahaha.

ANYWAY yeah there were warning signs. well kind of. i didnt think those communication problems could grow so much. well it really wouldnt have MATTERED if it didnt get feelings. it was possible our Friendship was At A Dead Standstill??? i dont think so…. i mean it was moving slowly, my feelings came on slowly.

well at any rate, my feelings DID increase the communication problems, or made these problems all the more Pressing and Urgent and Timely.

i had much more of an interest in resolving the commuincation problems; she honestly did not. PLUS she probably knew i had feelings and that turned her off even more.

MAYBE we could have resolved the comm probs if i didnt have feelings. then i just wouldnt care so much either!

but thats what feelings are, its CARING about someone a lot.

anyway i dont blame her for not having feelings. i just blame her for handling the communication HORRIBLY.

i didnt handle it perfectly but she handled it worse. 66 33.

75 25 hahahaha.

but yeah i will get over it, i wont even contact her. i might never get on facebook again hahaha.

anyway right now i have NO CONFIDENCE in doing jobs. like i cant do jobs and shit. nothing. i could never be a Server in a Restaurant for example. i just cant JUGGLE that much shit. just watching them makes me anxious! i would have to take valium every single day!

the merona pants at target look very nice. they cost $25, this is kinda expensive, but if you make 25DAH at your Job, you should be able to handle it.

Merona® Men’s Ultimate Flat Front Pants

are what i am talking about.

okay i did a 3.1 miler by walking around an extra block to add to my usual 2.8 cuz i wanted at least a solid 3.0.

but yeah none of this is good for the confidence. and i am angry at her because she could have been a little NICER and not taken away so much confidence.

so i guess my confidence was at a RELATIVE “high” before all this shit started. i certainly didnt like muh job but i did ok at it, things were smooth and undramatic with female “friend” etc.

so yeah it was very worthwhile for me to communicate with her. very worthwhile. there was nothing but benefit. it would give me some sense of resolution.

there was NO worth, no value, no benefit to her to communicate, so therefore, she didnt. very simple. she didnt do it because there was no incentive to her. she knew it would be an awkward and difficult convo. she had an idea that i had feels for her. she didnt WANT to talk about it. she didnt WANT me to have feels for her because she didnt have any for me, she didnt want to TALK about it. she didnt NEED to talk about it.  she didnt think i would have such a damn hardon for Closure and Resolution and Direct Unambiguous Verbal Communication. maybe i do need more of that than the average normalfag.

yeah well these were pretty strong feelings. it just wasnt some Schoolboy Crush!

well part of it was exacerbated by the job itself. i mean i was nervous just to come in and do the job even if she wasnt there. well it was better when she wasnt, i mean for a while there i was working one day where she was off, that was better than having to see her. but it was still a ridic job.

if it were an easy job, maybe it would be different. maybe the ridiculousness of the job caused me to be more dramatic to her.  but my desire to communicate with her was still VALID. thats what you do when you have feelings for somebody. you tell them or show them.

i think my signal sending was good enough so that she Had An Idea what i wanted to talk about. i wanted to talk because i was the one with the feelings. she didnt want to talk because she didnt have feelings. if she had feelings, she would have wanted to talk, just like she did when she DID have feelings for the guy. ITS ALL ABOUT HER. HER AND ONLY HER hahahaha. think about the other person for a change. selfish as hell hahahaha.

i am a much better communicator than her hahaha. well she doesnt need to be cuz shes a woman hahahaha all she needs is a cvnt and uterus.  i aint mad abotu THAT, thats just how HUMANS are. its the same reason i prefer 20 year old women to 40 year old women, as do all men.

shit i just wish i was young again and could drink and go to parties with young gurls hahaha.

but i forget that i was young, did go to parties with young gurls, and get drunk, and that still didnt help me seduce the gurls!

also i am butthurt because i did not start going to parties until about halfway through My Youth. i wanted to be going to parties my WHOLE youth hahahaha.  wawawawawawaw.  instead i was drinking by myself or with other guys and basically NEVER LEARNED how to talk to gurlz.

so it did build confidence to have an actual female friend i could talk to, without nervousness, and actually get to know them.

well if a big part of getting over heartbreak is just to stand there in the middle of the deluge and Take The Pain beating you down, well i have def done that! in fact i might be nearing the end of that. and now i will be more pessimistic about women in general (if that were even possible!!) and worrying about jobs and also worrying about being alone forever, since when am i ever gonna find someone i LIKE again.

but i would also take a cute young fucc buddie gurl that i could bang with no feelings and i wouldnt care about her that i had no respect for her. that doesnt make me a hypocrite because i cant get preggers hahahaha i can do whatever i want because theres really no way i can defile My Biological Role as a Dumper Of Sperm, i mean thats pretty Degraded as it is, as opposed to the Holy Of Holies where Sperm Slowly Grows into a Beautiful Babby. that is a beautiful thing and therefore CAN BE defiled. and by god many/most women DO defile it!

bitches and whores!

but yeah it sucks to have something good and then it is gone forever. even if she didnt like me we still had a decent friendship before everything went wrong, and i valued that friendship, it was very important to me, and it sucks to lose it, and in such a bad hurtful way. of COURSE things HAVE to change when one person gets feelings, but you can deal with it better so that things dont end THIS badly.

its ok to put “personal reasons” for “reason for leaving.”

maybe try to put “personal reasons, good standing with employer, rehirable”

http://time.com/money/3660659/office-relationships-dating-coworker/

Consider the Worst-Case Scenario

With 7% of respondents to the CareerBuilder survey saying they had to leave a job after a breakup, you’ll be glad you did some critical thinking before jumping into any new relationship with a colleague.

http://www.wikihow.com/Work-With-Your-Ex

has a lot of links in it believe it or not!

http://healmybrokenheart.com/workingwithyourex

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/21/dealing-with-an-ex-at-work_n_1533723.html

heh there is lots of stuff on communicating with them about ground rules and such. well what if they dont WANT to communicate with you hahahaha.

well i am sure if i stuck around longer we might eventually communicate, be like ok this is stupid, obviously you dont like me, but we cant go on WORKING this way!!!! and maybe figured something out. or maybe not.

i notice none of these articles mention anything like being so distraught you cant even do your job!!!! and all of these people seemed to have easy jobs hahaha.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=working%20with%20your%20ex

google “working with your ex” to bring up some good results

http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/about-you/the-dos-and-donts-of-dealing-with-your-ex/#.VfOH_hFViko

this one says 6 month rule to get over your “ex”

also in this one, the “exes” are contacting each other almost trying to get back with each other, and you are supposed to kindly but firmly say NO! i am no longer your emotional support system!

but what if you WANT THEM BACK and they come back?

i assume the article assumes that both people agreed on the breakup?

dont know what thats like, i thought you always get dumped and then you want the “ex” to reconsider, come back to you, get your ex back.com hahahaha.

food that shit.

but yeah communication is important in working with the “ex”. no shit. communication is very important when dealing with anybody really, but especially a would be lover. it would be nice if the women recognized that fact instead of bailing out immediately. hahahah they are worse quitters than i am. they quit relationships like i quit jobs hahahaha.

LEARNING HOW TO LUV SLUTZ AGAIN IS NOT AN ACTUAL LESSON

826

yeah definitely the tea is a lot better on muh stomach than the coffee.

what if she came back to me 2 years from now and had a bastard kid in tow where the father did not pay child support at all? and she looked older and more haggard?

well maybe i would make her my fook buddy but i probably couldnt respect her enough to fall in luv with her.

OR would i rekindle the old feelings. probably hahahahaha. i can ALWAYS rekindle old feelings. i never had a woman come back like that! well woman2 came back after like a few MONTHS to apologize to me, which i appreciated a lot! but nothing like they came BACK 2 years later and wanted to fook!

i saw woman2012 like 6 months later and talked to her for a few minutes, kept it together, but i was NOT happy about it, and also she was NOT changing her mind! i have never experienced a woman changing their mind about that, like yes yes yes yes i was wrong i really want to date you now! oh i wanted them to! i fantasized abotu it! but it never happened.

course i never thought i could fall in love after a long time, with a platonic friend!

course i thought i would never luv a slut again!

when is a lesson not a lesson?

i think its a lesson to not luv sluts. it’s NOT ANOTHER lesson to go back after that and “learn how to luv sluts again”. not an actual lesson. because luving sluts will burn you EVERY TIME.

theres no actual scientific advice on how do you get over someone. i dont want bullshit fake advice from Female Journalists who are mostly crazy super high mileage sociopathic sluts. they are either eating men or getting eaten by men. very adversarial relationships. incapable of a healthy rel. and youre gonna take advice from THEM. NO.

i want the type of scientific advice given by a damn MEDICAL DOCTOR. not some psychologist who believes nothing is right or wrong. but somebody who believes in TRUTH. not somebody who believes truth is always relative and is an Oppressive Myth.

TRUTH IS AN OPPRESSIVE MYTH, these people say, who break hearts and throw people away like garbage. hmmmm. they are monstrous. dont listen to them.

is that an ad hominem fallacy? dont believe what they say because they are horrible people? because horrible people cant make even one valid argument?

DONT DEFEND THESE DEGENERATE PIGS!

there is this tv show “the carbonaro effect” where a charming young magician does ridiculous magic tricks to prank random people. the real Teaching Moment comes in the RIDICULOUS LINE OF BULLSHIT that he is constantly spewing. i may have mentioned this before, but his Art Of Bullshit is top notch. he can fool grizzled cynics with his bullshit. and he could most certainly get Nonsluts into Bed. notice some PUA types also encourage doing Magic Tricks to impress bitches. because they are very susceptible to Clever Tricks.

Well, My six month rule is IMPREGNABLE to Clever Tricks, because it takes no cleverness whatsoever to know whether youve known a guy for 6 months! even THE DUMBEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD is able to EASILY figure out whether its been six months or not.

(my ideal woman would wait 1 year. 6 months represents a disappointing concession for me.)

but i recommend watching him because his bullshit is AMAZING. and any man could benefit from that.

not just in banging sluts, but in handling all sorts of social situations. he’s never banging sluts. he might even be GAY. he talks to men 50% of the time and they fall for his bullshit too! but if he were straight i am sure he gets his FILL of tail.

heh. i wish i had ANOTHER female friend to talk to about stupid women bullshit.

well in 2005 when i had all this drama with women, i had female friends i could talk to. it sounds shitty to say they didnt help at all. they helped a little! but im not certain they helped a LOT though. they did the best they could though. i aint hatin.

you think a Career Education Center opening in The Urban Ghetto is gonna make a difference? i just dont have that IDEALISM. I guess if they help even ONE PERSON turn their life around, then it’s made a difference right?

well i would like to see them help MORE than ONE person. cuz it takes like at least 200 grand a year to run a place like that. lemme see their budget. lot of OVERHEAD in an operation like that.

I will meet with you one on one for 8 bucks an hour! or 50 bucks an 8 hour day hahahaha

did i write about the Life Coaches that Elliott Rodger had near the end of his life? they were young attractive people employed by like counseling agencies or shrinks, to go out with Rodger and help him socialize, talk to him, boost up his Social Confidence, etc.

i thought that would be a SWEET job for me to have, then i wondered if you had to have a masters degree to do it. it sounded like the people he worked with were College Age, ie, pre-bachelors. but maybe you have to be a social normalfag in order to do such a job.

well i would address that elephant right away: you might prefer to hire normalfags, but i say its just as valuable to have someone whos BEEN there. actually knows the pain these loveless virgins are feeling.

look up life coach on indeed. see a “life skills specialist II” that just needs a bachelors degree.

i am looking for job titles and quals basically.

life skills coach, peer recovery coach, recovery coach, success coach, health coach, transformation coach, wellness coach, nutrition coach, group home worker, development coach, job coach.

part time life skills coach, 16 hours a week, 10.50 DAH. yep hahahahaha and only 30 miles away! well, 28.

anyway i believe that its not a matter of educating people so they know how to interview to get jobs……..its the SUPPLY of jobs in the first place. the better solution is NOT educating people, but CREATING JOBS.

i think the only types of jobs where there is a SURPLUS of JOBS, is like SUPER technical STEM shit, where you need like a STEM Masters degree at LEAST. like a masters of mechanical engineering, not a masters of biology. protip: biology is not STEM.

but i wouldnt judge you if you thought it was! when i first learned that biology was not STEM, i was SHOCKED!

i mean TECHNICALLY it is, but in terms of jobs, its not.

hiring a coach to mentor and coach less senior team members. see my company would do that only hire people who KNEW LESS than the less senior team members, to coach them.

hire a TEACHER to teach students, who knows LESS than the students. this is what people get ACTUAL, REAL jobs for.

TEACH ME HOW TO GET A JOB WHERE I TEACH PEOPLE WHO KNOW MORE THAN ME.

good god almighty, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

i will never understand why companies will hire Outside people for Senior Positions rather than promoting from within. that is IMHO an ADMISSION OF GUILT. that is admitting “YES I ADMIT OUR COMPANY (CULTURE) IS SHIT.”

yep it took me over 30 years to recognize that my anxiety is a pretty big deal, i used to think Depression was my main problem, but Anxiety is up there, way up there, its either 50 50 or 55 45.

which means that when you are not anxious, you are hopeless and have no confidence.

i think of my “relative high”, like say july 2014, before i fell in luv with female former friend, was doing my job. i wasn’t SUPER confident or charming or fun or awesome. i was still anxious abotu my job every day. i still had very low confidence. things still kinda sucked and i had no energy. now they just suck a lot more!

welp second walkjog, got up to 6 miles today. not bad. actually about 6.1 or 6.2 hahahaha.

ok heres the questions you need to learn, that I need to learn.

  1. whats the deal with your secret boyfriend? (do you have a boyfriend)
  2. how do you feel about me?
  3. i dont have feelings for you right now, but given our situation, i could probably have feelings for you in a few months. lets have this discussion every three months. or i will let you know as soon as i get feelings. and you let me know as soon as you get feelings.
  4. can we talk soon, i would prefer to hang out and talk one on one in person, but i have to talk about something important soon with you, and will do it on phone or email if we cannot me. WE NEED TO TALK. SOON. ITS IMPORDENT.

yep.

ok start with hookers, then LEVEL UP to nonhooker sluts, then LEVEL UP to nonhooker nonsluts. decent women.

normal men just start off with nonhooker sluts when they are teenagers. they dont ever really NEED hookers until they are 40 years old and want to cheat on their fat hambeast wives with some fast young tail and are more than happy to pay for the convenience.

>tfw approaching 40 and no fat hambeast wife to cheat on hahahahaha

heh. it is funny that something can mean SO MUCH TO YOU, and that same moment means nothing to the person “sharing” it with you. SO CLOSE, YET SO FAR.

good old one sided luv. when gurls have one sided luv for a guy tho at least the guy gets some SECS out of it and it lasts longer, than when the guy has one sided luv for a gurl. then theres not even any making out.

hehe. all the damn advice columns say, welp, if doing this doesnt help, then go see a shrink. so what do the shrinks do then? nothing mysterious. they have you TALK about it and they try to have to do more or less the same things the article says, and have you try to retrain your thinking.

shit i have been seeing a shrink since…..2008 and i cant say its helped a LOT. it doesnt HURT though.

really the main things that would help me is a just a tolerable 15DAHJ and a 1 year monog rel with a decent woman. especially the latter!

always the sense that i COULD HAVE made this work, if i hadnt screwed one thing up. so where was the one pivotal thing that i screwed up?

its hard to get out of that. and to accept that theres NOTHING I COULD HAVE DONE to make it work because she didnt HAVE the feelings. or if she did, she didnt have them any MORE.

its just july2014 that will haunt me, which was Peak Niceness from her to me, where i really got a signal from her. but i wasnt sure if it was like liking, or just friendliness. she always was really friendly to me. until i started liking her, then she pulled away from me like the plague.

are rels supposed to be be god damn pulling teeth every step of the way? i thought they were supposed to start somewhat naturally and easily. like our friendship did. then when we ran into problems i wanted to fight to fix it, she would rather walk away. damn son. i said lets communicate with each other about this, lets not be angry at each other, she said nothing and walked away. damn. the last woman i will ever luv hahahahaha.

and that is how i became one of those lonely 45 year old bachelors.

now that i think of it, before i met gurls and started falling in luv with them, i knew NO gurls and just felt alone and lonely.

part of this is due to not having a real connection with male friends. so i could strengthen those.

but yeah. women never have trouble finding a man. men very often have trouble finding women. then your married friends say O I KNOW THIS GREAT GURL 4 U and set you up on a blind date with a 40 year old single mom hambeast whos also cray cray, degenerate, and just godawful in every way. and you think, THIS IS WHAT YOU THINK OF ME?????!?!?!?!?!?! im super dupe desperate but not even the worlds most desperate man could ever be THIS desperate!!!!!!!

DENIAL: “I ACCEPT THAT ITS OVER”

aug 19

yeah i determined that by sending that email, what im really trying to do, even if im not fully aware of it, is to beg for my fantasy to come true, beg her to luv me. yeah getting “GOOD” closure and good karma would be ok, but i want more than that. of COURSE i still want to be with her. i really have NOT fully accepted that its OVER, even though i said that in the email.

well i wasnt lying per se, this is more Bargaining.

i hate to harp on the stages of grief but its a  good starting off point. for me i experience denial, anger, bargaining, and depression ALL AT ONCE, all mixed in together, perhaps a diff feel every day, rather than stages of each. there were tidbits of each expressed in the email. i accept that its over? denial. anger: i was angry at you for ending it in such a bad shitty way. very true. no lie! bargaining: begging her to remember our special connection, appealing to that emotion, we connected so well. maybe but its over now. and i dont want it to be over. depression: i am at rock bottom, my confidence is gone, i feel incapable of doing anything, i cant move, i cant get out of bed, my mind doesnt work, i have a learning disability, everything is CONFUSING and OVERWHELMING.

so yeah as far as im concerned, acceptance isnt even a phase, its the END, once you get to acceptance, you are GOLDEN. acceptance is the goal. i would LOVE to have “fully accepted” that its over. if i did, i wouldnt even be sending the email.

so that was the LESSON LEARNED from sending the email, and i pretty much HAD to send it to learn it. so thats the benefit. but this should prob be the last email.

i was sort of manipulating by pulling the heartstrings about our connection, two peas in a pod, we understood each other and trusted each other bla bla. yeah its true! in my fantasy at least hahaha. no it WAS true and thats what makes it so hard: when you do have something good, and then that something good dies, passes away, is lost forever, and you wish you could have it back, but you never can. fook YEAH thats HARD TO ACCEPT and you will desperately beg to have it back!

so yeah dont send any more emails because i can say i accept that its over, but deep down thats the root purpose of these emails: to beg for her to change her mind.

i did not realize that 3 weeks ago, i started to realize that yesterday. i am making baby steps of progress lol.

yesterday i took a Benadryl to help me sleep and it actually worked fairly well. more importantly it got my mind off of HER a little bit and gave my mind a bit more normalcy than its had in a while. i suppose valium would do something similar but i want to hoard my 100 valiums for job related bullshit in the future hahahaha. and benadryl you dont need an rx.

i thought yeah but why take drugs to erase your mind? wont it just come back harder when the drugs wear off? like drinking? you only temporarily escape/forget, then feel EVEN WORSE when you’re no longer high?

then i rationalized, well, i’m ALREADY AT ROCK BOTTOM, so ANY relief is a plus.

besides benadryl is not as bad as alcohol.

i slept a little bit better with the benadryl. but i still had trouble getting up at a “proper” time. took it at 9pm then barely dragged myself out of bed at 10:20 am. hehe. ideally you would take it at least 14 hours before you want to get up. if i were still working, i would recommend taking the benadryl or sleeping pill one hour BEFORE YOU LEAVE hahahaha. cuz it will take at least one hour to kick in and then will make you feel sleepy forever.

but better to feel sleepy than having your mind haunted by a waking nightmare; or to be nervous or anxious!!!!

better to halfass your work and go through the motions because you are sleepy and grumpy, not because you are so anxious you feel like youre going to break down and cry, or jump out of your skin!

i actually got a few minutes of productive thought, like ways i could talk in an interview about the skills i learned from my job:

that i changed a weakness to a strength in learning how to communicate well under pressure.

that i was able to learn how to deal with intense Confusion and Ambiguity and Uncertainty and Complexity where there are No Easy Answers Ever and everything is COnfusing All The Time. and you ask 10 different so called experts and get 10 different answers. and its essentially your job to figure out how your company and its technology works…..but no one’s really 100% certain how it works, even the higher ups who have been there for years. when you have systems that are so complex and deep, it takes YEARS to even scratch the surface, and no one person knows everything, and it takes a long time for you to even know Who Might Possibly know something about a particular issue because you dont even know what kind of Teams your company has, and you ask 10 different people, and get 10 different answers, all while the person with the problem is waiting on hold.

where you know LESS about the problem than the person with the problem calling you!

it’s very much like if someone called 911 and said help my friend is drowning! and you don’t know what drowning is, you don’t know what water is, you dont know what breathing is, you dont know what 911 is, you dont know what death is, you dont know how to swim, you dont know not how to swim, you dont know cpr, you dont know what a person is, you dont know how a person drowns, you dont know how long a person can not breathe, you dont know who could fix it, you dont know what an ambulance is, you dont know what EMS is, and yet you are the first person called to save the life of a drowning person.

not even joking. but of course we all know those basic things, but when you are put into a situation where everybody is talking about weird programs and systems and procedures and protocols, you literally do NOT know what ANYTHING is.

you dont know how to fix the program! you’ve never USED the program. you dont know how its supposed to work!

better yet, when higher ups call YOU and forget very basic iron clad facts, and insist you should be able to do something, but they just are clueless about very basic things about their job, and they’ve been there longer than you, and should know, but don’t. and you have to tell them they should know, we don’t know, talk to your manager, oh i already did and he said to call you.

it’s all in how you approach and deal with the confusion.

I prepare myself by reading cases on my off time.

we basically covered at least 5 hardcore higher level college courses worth of material, which i guess isn’t a lot, but it would take at least 4 or 5 months of full time training to even begin to digest.

i would say we needed 4 or 5 months of full time training before answering a single phone call.

but you only get two weeks.

therefore, you get about TEN PERCENT of the training you think you need. you are NINETY PERCENT unprepared when they throw you to the wolves.

well i guess thats better than 100 percent unprepared hahahaha.

anyway i would suggest taking benadryl ONCE EVERY THREE DAYS just to give yourself SOME relief, ANY relief, the relief that youve been begging to GOD for. So thats why GOD created benadryl.

i guess you could also try nyquil but that did not work so well for me last time i tried it. i took it and still couldn’t sleep, still mind racing, it did no good, still woke up very early morning with worried mind.

and i say once every 3 days because sleeping pills can be habit forming, you build up a tolerance, and they just stop working, stop helping, stop giving you relief.

me crying out, i respect you, please respect me, please end this better. come on.

it just really sucks to have a good connection, and she cant just say that was a fantasy because it wasnt, and then have that connection go away because one person doesnt want it any more.

i had not connected like that with a woman since 2005 at least. i connected with her better than all the few women i very briefly Dated. the only thing that came close was my platonic connections with other platonic female friends, long ago, which gradually faded away, but not with anger or hard feelings. more like time, distance, and their careers. also i never converted the feels to nonplatonic with them.

but why can someone decide one sidedly that they dont want the connection any more?

it doesnt matter why. they can decide why for any reason. in her case it was probably because:

  1. did not have same feels for me
  2. horrible timing, just broke up with a guy and still hung up on him
  3. saw that i was changing and was not willing or able to come along with me for that change

she prob would have wanted the connection to continue if my platonic feels were continueing. but they WEREN’T. the platonic feels were OVER on my end, and i decided that one-sidedly! well i think it just happens. you can’t choose that.

just like she couldn’t choose her feels. these things really do just happen.

but all this is proving how damn ridiculous it would be to go back to work with her. i can barely get over her without seeing her. i write her emails, well “just”  3 emails a month, which shows my desire to Be With Her despite me saying I Accept That Its Over. No, I don’t accept that. it will prob be at least 6 months before I fully accept that!

how do you know when you’re Ready To Date Other People and you are Fully Over the Previous Person?

uhhh it will take at least 4 to 6 months at LEAST. and then you will reach a stage of you just don’t have feels for ANYBODY, and you will be somewhat content in that. I know i was! I enjoyed that “downtime” between woman5 and woman6 (new reckoning system here.) between woman2012 and woman2015 how about that. using the dates that Everything Ended/Died.

it didnt make me any more confident or powerful or alpha or anything, any more high achieving or ambitious or hard working. i just wanted to bang bitches with no commitment, and felt that my heart was permanently closed. until it opened again, was melted by woman2015 during the second half of 2014.

i should have also said right in fooking october14 when i first got the feelings. blurted it out. well, i was happy to give her a FEW chances to blow me off the hang out. she just got HER heart broken! but by december or january the blowing off was getting to be too much. I was getting Backed Up with shit to say.

so at THAT time i should have sent an email or text saying thusly:

“hey i have feelings for you which started about 2 or 3 months ago. that’s the big thing i wanted to talk about. i think we had a good connection and at this point, my feelings changed, i wanted to be more than friends. lets talk about this before it gets too weird. i know you’re still getting over x from 2 months ago, so i know its the worst timing ever. but lets talk about it, get it out there, try to respect each other, and maybe in 6 months when you are over him, wanna give me a try maybe. the end.”

5 fricken lines. dont even need an hourlong heart to heart, or 3 900000 word emails. alright thats more than 1 text, thats maybe 3 texts, still not bad tho.

heh. so thats what i will do next time, if there is a next time.

IT IS HARD TO RESPECT WOMEN WHO DONT RESPECT THEIR POWER TO GET PREGNANT.

and just give sex away in a very liberated way. nope. never gonna do it.

my ideal woman would never have sex outside of a Committed, Monogamous Relationship.

It’s ridiculous and degenerate that there should be a “Three Date Rule.” That is DISGUSTING. In response to that, I advocated a TEN Date Rule, but honestly, I would prefer that the woman be Dating the Man Monogamously for at least 6 months to 1 year, and ideally be able to say “I Luv U” to him and mean it. only then should she have secs with him. for the FIRST time.

SIX MONTH RULE.

when i first had secs with a gurl at age 21 hehehehe late bloomer, i had only first MET the gurl TWO WEEKS prior, tops. she was a fast mover, kinda pomiscuous and slutty and easy. however i was desperate to get laid and not become a 22 year old virgin, and she was super cute. I mean we are talking a solid 8 here, and very very very much in the First Full Flush Of Youth. Straight Up Peak of Youth. Not talking about a 29, or even 25 year old woman here. We are talking about a damn 18 year old gurl. A Teen with Firm Breasts and Young, Bright, Glowing, Firm but Soft Skin, absolutely no signs of Aging whatsoever. hahahaha. I couldn’t NOT go for her when she was very willing!!!!!!! and neither would ANY man. so i dont regret that at ALL, even though she was moving too FAST for my liking. oh well.

but she was raised in a progressive middle class feminist family that said experiment, have fun, explore your sexuality, sex is not dirty or bad, just use protection and consent, we can help you if you need to get an abortion. don’t worry if you break any sensitive sissyboy hearts, that doesnt matter.

in this case i felt the connection was forced too fast, the connection was simulated and rushed, but it wasn’t really real, like it was with woman2015, where we were platonic friends for almost 2 years before i got feels and wanted to secs her. that 2 years gave me plenty of time to really get to KNOW her and TRUST her and become comfortable with her.

none of that happened with that girl above (woman2, woman2004 i guess). it started and ended in the blink of an eye. that is just too fast IMHO. take your damn time.

make sure you are monogamously dating the guy for at least six months. make yourself wait, not just him.

the longer a woman waits to have sex with a man, the BETTER. period.

well, with maximum benefits peaking at around 6-12 months. 9 months hahaha. i think the benefits would go away after 1 year, then it would just be ridiculous. then we are talking religious fanatic. but i dont think 6 months is bad at ALL. 6 months is GREAT.

thats part of why i connected with woman2015. she got her first real boifran at age 18 or 19 and dated him monogamously for 4 or 5 years. i think this is GREAT. i rarely meet women who do this, let alone decent looking women who i get along with instantly.

most gurls have had more secs partners before age 20 than I will have in my entire life! there is absolutely no reason to have 5 partners already by age 20! Especially for a woman! Are you kidding me! and she also voiced disapproval about Sluts, and looked down at slutty behavior. She agreed that sluts were not respectable and she was happy to be more Prudish than average. and I like Prudish Women.

and now she is transforming from a prude to a slut. some women do it during their teens, some women do it during their twenties. but by the time a woman has reached THIRTY, and she’s not married, you can be GUARANTEED she is USED UP.

hehehehe. i would have been happy to marry this woman before she hit thirty. she’s still got some time left too.

yeah it sucks. in the beginning she accepted me and liked me for who i was. and it sucks to lose that. with other women who went to fast, i always had to worry about me candy coating everything so they wouldnt think i was WEIRD. weird to be a 21 year old virgin, or to be 22 and have no real long term gurlfrans, be 30 and have no real gurlfrans, go 10 years without having secs, only having secs with 1 gurl ever, never dating a gurl longer than 2 months, only dating 2 gurls in my whole life, never longer than 2 months, when most women are able to “achieve those milestones” before age 20.

well, better for a woman to have one long term boifran starting from a young age, than start having secs with lots of dudes from a young age! OBVIOUSLY! but its NOT obvious in this sick sad modern world!

but my female friend never pried, never asked these awkward questions, and if she did, i felt i could trust her with the truth. and she liked me as a person and didnt think i was some old creepy weirdo. but now she does. because i fell in luv with her 2 years in. damn. well i couldn’t help that. it just happened.

thats what i can tell you about luv. fook this new testament love is gentle and kind and patient and tolerant paul to the romans wedding bullshit.

yes, love is gentle and kind and tolerant, but its ALSO intolerant and jealous and CRAZY. its CRAZY and you can’t control when and who it happens to. it takes control of you. it is the root emotion of jealousy, obsession, hate, potentially violence even. love is a real fooking mixed bag and its not all good. when it goes good its very good; when it goes bad, it gets REALLY REALLY HORRID.

THAT is luv. and just because it went bad, doesnt mean that it wasnt love, just because you weren’t HAPPY to Let Her Go.

Essentially I was being minorly Cucked. She was telling me, I dont respect you enough to even TALK TO, you have been downgraded from a respected friend to less than a piece of shit; and now i am gonna go have fun and be friendly to everyone else.

I am a human being and i demand respect! me falling in luv with her does not give her the right to take away the respect she had for me! but she did.

woman2012 still treated me with respect, as a human being, and gave me Good Closure. woman2015 treated me with no respect and gave me Bad Closure.

of course i still didnt want to SEE woman2012 after that ended either, wouldn’t want to work with her!

would i have casual sex with a woman now? probably. i would probably even let a woman cheat with me on her unhappy relationship. however i probably wouldnt cheat ON somebody if i were in a monogamous relationship with them. also i would remind the woman at every chance that what she is doing is immoral and wrong and that she should break up with her boifran. oh i’m just as bad because i’m still fooking her. well i’m not cheating on anyone, and if you hadnt fooked me, you would have just fooked somebody else. and fook no i would not want to get into a monog rel with you, because you’d cheat on me, like you’re cheating on him. i am just looking to get my d wet without paying $400 a pop. we have no real connection, i have no respect for you. you are not the kind of woman i would date. woman2015 was.

shit yeah im still hoping she’ll write me in like 4 months and be like IM SO SORRY, lets reconnect, and this time lets go out and date. it was bad timing, as you know, but I was willing to wait until a better time, like now, so lets get started now.

shit yeah i would bite for that.

and its been like that in all cases. i always want them to “come to their senses.” I am always willing to forgive them.

shit if woman2012 came back to me right now, i probably wouldn’t deny her! i would bnag the shit out of her and it would be fun. i think she was an asexual lesbian though, maybe an incipient transgender. she was not a normal woman.

but normal woman suck, they are stupid sluts.

NO, that is not NORMAL women, that is what normal women have been brainwashed by an abnormal, disgusting CULTURE to become, and sadly, normal women are all too susceptible to brainwashing.

i guess men too. why are humans so susceptible to brainwashing? I’m no different really, i’m brainwashed in some ways too. but i am less brainwashed than average. red pill son.

but yeah not being brainwashed means that you can see that casual, fast, uncommitted sex is bad for women, because men and women have different Reproductive ROLES and ABILITIES and RESPONSIBILITIES. I liked that woman2015 understood that on some level, so as to resist the hedonist, short term instant gratification physical pleasure seeking Cultural Mindset as long as she did, and it is sad to see her fall to it, during her Mid Twenties.

well maybe she wont fall to it, but she’s definitely not going to be with me! and that’s just as bad.

i don’t really have any burning desire to casually bang 90000000 women either. i would much prefer one monogamous mate with true luv. but as a man it’s simply much less risky for me to have sex with some stranger, because i can’t get preggers, she can. i can sure get fookin syphilis off that skank tho.

Decent Women Understand This Too, and act accordingly.

They Slut-Shame because they know to be a Slut IS inherently shameful!

so yeah she ended it poorly, i was willing to end it not so poorly. she still has the chance to end it well, but i will still WANT her indefinitely. it will probably be about six months at LEAST before i could ever WANT anyone like that again.

well shit. six months before my heart is hard and calloused, after it is broken and bleeding now.

then it will go through a few good months of being a hard callous, for sure.

but yeah february cannot come fast enough hahahahaha.

well the good thing is, the skills i learned with Dealing with Overwhelming Confusion at my Job, are portable skills that i can take to any and every job. you notice every and all little details. you learn to ask the right leading questions. you never assume anything will work and you have 10 follow up questions ready immediately. say not only what do i do here, but also please give me a backup in case that doesn’t work. reading case notes. asking the right people. explaining things i dont understand. being under pressure all day every day trying to think fast and fix shit where I know LESS about EVERYTHING than the person who broke it, and if they were ANYWHERE NEAR as smart as me, they should just fix it themselves. but we are so smart, think so fast and creatively, that we can fix shit that we dont even know WHAT IT IS or HOW IT WORKS, that they have been working with for years.

when you call an “expert” and the expert knows WAY LESS than you do. and it is your Job 8 hours a day to be that “expert” and you feel like a fraud, in over your head, all day.

well then take a benedryl or sleeping pill one hour before you clock out, then by the time you get home, go right to fookin bed alone or with some fat pig you resent more with every passing day hahahaha.

THOSE ARENT ACTUAL INTERESTS

may 15

oh yeah.

there is a fuzzy faint feeling in head which may be from withdrawal of paxil. it is not debilitating but def distracting. a little bit.

maybe just drank too much coffee.

so we have established that normie is not bad, in fact, normie is good, we want to be normie.

normie does not imply degenerate.

BUT, what DOES imply degenerate, is the SECS which normies HAVE, secs arguably being THE defining FEATURE of being-a-normie.

but since most normies are NOT degen, therefore we can deduce that most of the SECS these normies are having is nondegen.

examples of degen secs:

taking pictures of the secs

cheating

open rels

casual secs

notice that most of these degeneracies, the direct causer is women not men

dumping a guy for no good reason

not giving a guy you dumped for no good reason some “severance” fooks to kind of wean him off rather than dropping a bomb on him: we will never have secs again starting RIGHT NOW

dumping a guy because “i dunno it just doesnt feel the same as it did before, i dont get all tingly any more, i dunno”

dumping a guy without giving a good solid effort to fix it first

. ok so. yeah women are more responsible for these degeneracies than men, so you would be stupid to not be “prejudiced” against women. men and women are different, and women are provably more degenerate than men. end of story.

to be fair, they are more gullible or suggestible really, and are very easily led down the path to degeneracy. so, even a not super strong man should have no problem leading them far, far away from that path, and down a good path instead. wish i had known that manny years ago hahahaha.

ongoing travelogue of author getting off medzlol

seem to be sweatier, and even more incoherent, little angier and more confrontational

but the dizziness and faintness is definitely happening, not super fun

also detoxing from “medical herb” as well ooo goody, so that is interacting as well

may 16

i keep forgetting that i am a huge supporter of using psychedelics to cure u of yr derpression and laziness. i would think something natural like muschrooms or dmt would be best, but maybe lsd too would be ok. just never have the privacy and opportunity to do such things. i would recommend 24 hours completely alone and try not to do anything stupid like jump out the window or breathe underwater, some people have accidentally K’d themselves this way while on psychs.

i was reading about terence mckenna and his early life where he said his first love was biology so then he went back to berkeley and completed his degree in 1975 , age 29. now by this time he had already had a very interesting life, traveling all over the world, having gurlfrans, researching his career interests in psychedelics, etc, and by all accounts appeared to be a total neverdepressed normie hahaha and certainly a huge nonvirgin!!!!

so it is hard for us to understand that academic interest in things, natural curiosity, loving knowledge for the sake of knowledge, because we are always so anxiously obsessed with how 2 get a job or how 2 get a gurlfran!!!!!! that we develop no curiosity in why this plant does that, the nature of time, stem interests, math, electricity, etc. we dont give a fook, we just want a qt to cuddle with and a job that pays 15 bucks an hour.

THESE AREN’T ACTUAL INTERESTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

being intellectually curious in why such and such compounds rgeact the way they do, or reflecting on what hereclitus said about bla bla is an intellectual interest.

my problem is i was very smart, but lost interest in intellectual interests, due to obsession with “emotional interests” like how 2 get qt gurlfran, and how 2 get 15$ job, and then lostinterest in everything else. therefore i could not use my intellect and could not turn my intellect into a $15 job thru grad skool hahahahahahahahahaha. i bet u know that feel too.

your anger makes you duller and dumber rather than tougher, sharper, and smarter.

so get some mushrooms RIGHT NOW and do them alone lol, theres your magic bullet. that will reconnect you with The Universe or with Your Higher Power like you were when you were a child. and then you can be interested in stuff again, not just superficial things like how to sell yourself to b1tches, how to sell yourself to jobs, how to persuade people to accept you.

FOOK THAT SH1T.

cant u just sit in your room by yourself READING and LEARNING and be completely at peace doing that?

fook no then u wouldnt be here hahahaha. that is one of the main things normies do lol besides having secs with their gfs.

always worried about stupid superficial surface bullsh1t like wimmin and jerbs. because u dont got none hahahahaha.

had a weird dream where i was in the sh1ttiest most run down ghetto, and there was a skool advertised as the ticket out of this slum, and the main ticket was being good at MATH (ie stem degree hahaha) and they gave us a test basically saying, if you can’t pass this test, then you BELONG here. and it was the hardest math test ever, like Calc 5 level. i was like damn i still got a LONG ways to go to make 15$ an hour and lift myself out of this slum. I thought it would be a simple 1+1 type arithmetic thing, but there was some intense calculus and god knows what on this test. everyone looked at the test, said wtf, and walked out, because noone knew how to do it. and the person who ran the school would not help you pass the test, just administered the test to show you what an idiot you were who deserved your squalid poverty.

the end hahahaha.