WHY IS POPULISM BAD

nov 19

ok this post should be shorter, hahaha. 4000 words max

i always liked jack lemmons uptight, nerdy, supplicating, neurotic style. it seems pretty jooish but i dont know if he was a joo. varg LETS FIND OUT.wav

” He was the only child of Mildred Burgess LaRue (née Noel) and John Uhler Lemmon, Jr., the president of a doughnut company.[2][3] His paternal grandmother was from an Irish immigrant family.[4]    ”

looks like not a joo. thank god hahaha.

yeah i mean i wish a bigboy FT job had picked me rather than this littlegurl PT job, it puts me back into the same conundrum i had when i was 26 except im not a young man of 26 anymore! but the good news is it lets me fix the GAP, and its also guaranteed not to give me a nervous breakdown hahaha. i just cant start any drama with WOMEN, and also i cant lose sight of the fact that i have to move on from there fairly quickly. ideally i would get a ft job with the same company.

i was very often trying to work for and win womens approval. with That Woman, at the beginning, i wasnt working at all. i mean i was doing shit, but i wasnt struggling and scheming and planning and strategizing and calculating and overthinking. we just got along veyr well and beause of that she liked me and i liked her. but not in that way. yet.

and then when i DID start liking her in that way, it all became that damn chess game where i had to figure out How To Make Her like me back.  it is an exhausting struggle that i have NEVER won.

but yeah either the woman likes you or she doesnt. either she s going to going to give you a chance or not.

and even when i have gotten as far as making out or Casual Dating with a woman…….it wasnt really HARD. there was enough Natural “Chemistry” or attraction to get me THAT far……but no further.

new crowbar album november 2016 “the serpent only lies”. i always liked crowbar but my peak with them was “oddfellows rest” in 2000! great album, possib muh fav of theirs. since then i havent been following them too much just because they are always releasing albums.

yeah EXCEPT they went on a solid hiatus for like 6 years while kirk focused on down. and since down is not looking super hopeful, i am glad he is doing stuff with crowbar.

i mean crowbar is very HONEST and SINCERE and REAL and keeps it REALLY REAL and there is absolutely nothing PHONY about them.

also i really dont think kirk is a joo. some white power guy on the internet has him on a list of joos but i doubt this.  mean his lifestyle is total working class white guy whitelash.

i know he had some struggles with drinking but not super hard drugs or anything. i wonder if he smokes MJ every day like a degenegro. PROBABLY hahahaha. now he just gets raging drunk less. i dont think he quit drinking altogether.

so yeah he’s not a model aryan ubermensch, just a flawed normie, and i believe his heart is in the right place, and i can respect someone who has an Instantly REcognizable Musical Style, which he does. no one else in the world sounds like this. he is Not Derivative at all. he’s been doing that for 30 years. he is all about good riffs and good songs and very honest unpretentious lyrics about being Tuff and Overcoming Adversity. how can you dislike that?

his main flaw is basically just getting sloppy drunk, or at least he used to, and i hope he doesnt anymore.

i dunno i did see down like 3 times with him and….he was one of those guys that probably could get totally fooked up and still play very well.

technically once i was face to face with him and said hello and shook his hand hahahahaha.

i was in this same situation 2 years ago with their previous album: oh i like and respect crowbar, i will always give crowbar a chance, i wish i was more familiar with their later stuff.

maybe their later stuff just isnt as GOOD hahahaha.

i dunno, on the surface it certainly doesnt seem BAD!!!!! i mean its textbook crowbar!

but yeah albums like “broken glass” and “oddfellows rest” had a MAGIC for me, and i am wondering if thats because crowbar had more MAGIC back then, or I had more magic back then when i was young and innocent.

but yeah even if i cant REMEMBER any of the last 5 crowbar albums, i will always respect what they do.

also i think kirk became RELIGIOUS with their 3rd most recent album hahahaha. like CATHOLIC i think. which is bretty kewl imho. wish he talked more about that. figured it would be more of a controversy.

anyway i just hope he is a good father to his child/ren. i know he has at least one.

i know that he was married and was divorced. was she a piece of trash? was it because he was drinking too much?  what about the children?

anyway, as with all white men, i hope he is trying not to be a drunk degenerate, and is being a good father. the fact that he can write such honest music is a signal that he has good intentions.

yeah the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but they mean something to ME at least hahahaha. better to have good intentions than not, i say. its worth SOMETHING.

had dream last night that i was in AUSTRALIA with a group of people including TWO of the young qt women i used to work with when i was 26 to 30 hahaha. yeah and That Woman was a third woman of those. i only meet qt women at muh job hahahaha. thankfully That Woman was not in the dream. but woman2012 was! and also this other qt dark haired gurl that got married kinda young.

dont remember much about the dream other than near the end, i was kinda getting ostracized from the group. or i was being a dick and i ostracized myself. either way, i no longer had a chance with either of those two women. that sucked hahahaha. just wanted some cuddle and make out and hang out and romance action. i only had good intentions. i didnt want to use anybody for casual bullshit.

so i would have dated 2 girls at once? yeah but i would have been honest about it hahahaha. and if foreced to choose i would prob choose woman2012 because she had longer legs and a bigger ass hahahahahahahahahahahaha

and then tell the other gurl, SORRY for hurting your feelings, youre a good person, you wont have ANY PROBLEM finding a decent man.

they are finally coming out with the black metal lords of chaos and they are having a guy named COHEN play varg vikernes hahahahahaha. WOW. i wonder what he will say about that.

yeah i mean i will probably watch it just for fun, im sure it will be horrible. but hopefully FUN at least.

darkthrone told them NO you cant use our logo or our music. i respect anyone who can turn down free shekels like that.

but i also think, well, they have lives and families, and the shekels could HELP them!

but the movie does sound really really really jooish hehehe.

i would totally let darkthrone play a show for 100 grand tho. that is MUCH less jooish.

play the show, give the money to your kids, build a home in the country far away from the urbanite, raise 5 kids like varg in the country. be like varg. varg should play a show for 100 grand hahahaha. he could say whatever he wanted and then never get invited back because he would hopefully say a ton of antis3m1t1c and pro-white stuff!!! hahaha.

or not play ANY songs, and just give a pro-white speech for hours hahahaha. well i would want him to play songs though haha.

and all the drunk degenerates would be like boooo racism. i mean really. its pearls before swine.

so have the show be a very exclusive alt right invite only thing, where you can onyl get invited if you pass an interview process proving your pro white bona fides. then they could raise money from rich successful white pro-whites to give to varg. might not be as much as some jooish festival promoter tho hahahaha.

unrelated but this album could also be good. epic atmospheric pagan black metal with some celtic angle and great cover art hahaha. also brand new. i guess i am into super newly released music again. thanks deathspell omega hahaha.

yeah this sounds very promising, little long tho

plus i like the scots hahahaha

got those whistles and flutes and bagpipes, very nice, i will accept this in muh atmoblack hahahaha he is a nationalist but doesnt quite realize it yet hahaha.

i think me MIGHT be an american but he moved to scotland. glasgow. not sure if the guy from panopticon (austin lunn) plays drums on this like he did for saor’s last album “aura.”

no its a guy from this other scottish black metal band hehehehe.

ok andy marshall of saor does anoter scottish atmo black band called fuath, good job buddy, writing 2 albums of epid 16 minute songs, in 1 year hahaha. he also had bands before saor called askival and in vino veritas. dunno guess i just like the idea of SCOTTISH BLACK METAL hahahaha and this guy is pretty much the biggest name in it.

(shit i saw a picture of him where he had big faggy ear gauges. seriously. kids in 2016 still do this. never understand that shit. DEGENERATE. )

well with me and music, i kinda have to go where the spirit takes me. its not supposed to make sense or be logical or even necessarily good music hahahaha.

welp listened to that crowbar album, it sounded exactly like crowbar. their sense of consistency is something you make a good natured joke about at this point. hey i dont really want them to do anything different, just make good songs. well i mean for example i know kirk is a big led zeppelin fan, so why dont they write a song with some LZ influences? also i would like to see more Mellow and Clean Singing songs, because he has a GREAT clean voice, spine chilling. they started doing occasional Clean songs in 1999 hahahah so its nothing really NEW.

heh. you know whos NOT degenerate? GARTH BROOKS. thats right. i decided i should really start listening to garth brooks. hes not part of this super faggy new school of jooified “country” and he is a nice family man who retired from a super popular career to spend more time with his kids. and now that his kids are grown, he’s coming back a little bit, playing more shows.

hes a little bit SILLY of a guy but i think thats because he genuinely enjoys life in a non degen way hahaha.

and he is a very good performer.

george strait would also be acceptable to listen to hahahaha.

i thought this shit was corny and lame during the 90s, but it was probably the least degen popular music available in the nihilistic 90s, and also country music got much much much much much much much worse over the next 20 years!

ok so my new  job goal is to write as many super duper detailed, epic, heroic, miraculous WORK STORIES as possible. get at LEAST 10. so i can have a RAFT of SUPER DETAILED, SUPER AWESOME STORIES chock full of specific detail in future interviews.

i had some work stories now, but the key thing that i forgot to do back then, was WRITE THEM DOWN AS SOON AS THEY HAPPEN, DAY OF, AS MANY DETAILS AS POSSIBLE, and then you can always edit it later.

and you SHOULD edit it later, to make yourself look smarter and better. the important thing is that there are a TON of details.

get at least ten of these stories and you should then be able to interview your way into a better job. maybe be worthy dating women that almost look as good as transsexual men hahahahahahahahahahaha

hey they are plenty of terrible looking transsexual men, they arent all think young feminine looking qts hahahaha, some of them actually look like big burly crowbar esque men ahhahahahaha.

i cant believe i didnt write down work stories before. i had so many of them! i know i TALKED about them into my recorder. i could do back and listen to those tapes and then write the stories out. but apparently i didnt want to do that!

it would have been better to smuggle out the case notes….but i stopped doing that a few months in.

so i could have done THAT from home, i had access to case notes from home, i could have just copied and pasted.

but i was so fried and burnt out and broken down, i couldnt even think of obvious, easy solutions like that.

shit just copy down the top 20% of interesting, weird, or detailed cases! just copy the weirdest ones!

wewlad just got down to lowest weight evar, 132 lbs. i mean its POSSIBLE i weighed less than this like 12 years ago!!!!! but not recently! and i am old as shit and at basically the lowest weight i have ever been! so thats good! i mean i could actually get away with GAINING weight at this point…..but i dont really want to do that.

USE YOUR WORDS TO COMMUNICATE. AND USE UNAMBIGUOUS WORDS, not words like “like” or “hang out.”

well at least she feels bad about breaking her bfs heart hahahaha. sounds like she feels REALLY bad about it hahaha. GOOD. YOU SHOULD hahahaha.

no sorta kidding, she shouldnt feel THIS bad if she made a good faith attempt to dump him in a sensitive way, without trying to add insult to injury.

“sounds like she didnt have much respect for your relship if she dumped you with a TEXT” hahahahahaha

yeah i THOUGHT she had MORE RESPECT for me than that

and i thought i knew her better than that.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

still wanna sm0ke mad w33d.

still thinking about going to a SHADY ASS “doctor” in a dispensary on “doctor day”, saying i dont have any medical records, and that ive been getting persistent chronic pain in muh….back. carpal tunnel. then getting the card sent to a po box. then just let the po box expire once i have the card and i am buying tonnes of MJ hahahaha.

its like a prescription that NEVER RUNS OUT. that alone is rather unbelievable.

go to a doctor ONCE, have a card to buy drugs FOREVER. well, for 2 years. even still, could you imagine getting a 2 year prescription to buy as much Painkillers as you wanted? as much benzos as you wanted? for 2 full years! INCONCEIVABLE!!!!!

nov 20

sheeeeeeeeeeeit.

ok on my first day i gotta bring in donuts or bagels.

also gotta be dressed like a damn boss.

i dont think they wear suits every day there hahaha.

ok there is a 24 hour tim hortons nearby, so i can get some donuts and bring them in at 8 am hahaha

then they will judge and bullycide and abuse me for being uneducated, trump supporting and racist enough to buy such racist, hateful, bigoted donuts. donuts are what FAT BIGOTS like COPS eat.

i am being Silly but thats not far off from my usual line of Distorted Thinking, which has wrought massive anxiety and despair in muh life hahahaha

EVERYBODY HATES THE DESPERATE. nobody likes desperate people. employers, women, kool kids, winners. all shun and shame the desperate.

you know who LUVS the desperate?

JESUS! GAWWWDDDDD!!!!!!

so never forget that. when its lonely desperate you and the world is against you, JESUS is on your side. and LUVS you just as much as he luvs TRVMP.

hell yes i support jeff sessions for atty general. but the question is, how does he feel about joos. it could go both ways. some of these southern bigots luv joos and israhell and are not j wise at ALL.

SEE? ALL THOSE TRUMP SUPPORTERS ARE HUGE WHITELASH RACISTS!!!!!

no they arent, just the alt right subset hahahaha.

and at least half of them are polite and nice like neoreactionaries. and dont use hate speech like I do hahahaha.

so yeah i do not represent trvmp, nor do i represent the average trvmp supporter, who is probably WAY less racist than me hahahahahaha.

so whats the deal with jobs where they dont even tell you the salary range during the interview, you have to get to the second interview just to get a god damn IDEA, when its not a 60k a year job were talking about, its more like 30k job. you dont GET to be so circumspect about salary for a 30k job…….well yes of course you do!

but yeah being TOUGH, thats always been a problem for me. tough situations in life that SHOULD act as a crucible to toughen me up and make me into a better, stronger man…..i always break down and become a weaker, bigger loser.

anyway WOMEN. dont have such SHALLOW relationships. take PEOPLE more seriously. PEOPLE are important, relationships are important, intimacy is important. cuddling is SUPPOSED to build intimacy, sex is REALLY supposed to build intimacy, and women have this damn carousel of men, relships, sex, cuddling, motions of intimacy, and its all a lot of things that are SUPPOSED to be important or intimate, but they treat them like NOTHING.  its DISTURBING and SOCIOPATHIC hahahaha.

thats why they call it a RELATIONSHIP, because its all about RELATING to/with another person!

hmmm npi conference was yesterday. millennial woes looked like a slob in a purple t shirt and gray hoodie. looked like a real unemployable neet, looked like me lounging around the house hahahaha.

redice did a very nice stream of basically the whole event. THANK YOU redice.

i guess emily youcis got harrassed by antifa outside and sprayed with something.

i mean i dont like women in the alt right, but she has earned some cred for that i suppose.

ill still white knight more for alt right trannies than alt right women because the trannies are less of degenerate sluts than the women hahahahahah.

that proves it! Im a woman hater pure and simple and woman hating has no place in the alt right, in pro white, in a healthy society! this is MY PROBLEM that i need to FIX!

things that mean SO much to you, like cuddling, or making out, or fooking, or spending time with somebody, or having a rel with somebody, or being vulnerable and intimate with a person, it all means nothing to women! its all as meaningless as taking a dump!

i dont think they INTEND to be SOCIOPATHS! and isnt INTENT a big deal to me?

well….only to a point. if you cheat on somebody and say well i didnt MEAN to cheat on you, it just HAPPENED, one thing led to another…..yeah ok intent doesnt matter there. you have plenty of time to stop it.

i didnt intend to be a sociopath, i just acted like a sociopath in all muh relships and never tried to stop it.

nope, not all relships, just the ones with me!

i bring out the sociopath in all women hahaha.

no thats WRONG. NOT TRUE. woman2012 didnt treat me like a sociopath. That Woman didnt ALWAYS treat me like a sociopath.

havent you ever just RUN AWAY from something you couldnt handle? i ran away from College when I was 21 because I was like I Just Cant Handle This Any More. I should have done it at age 18 or 19! then immediately gotten Severe Treatment, 100000000000 mg of prozac, maybe some electroshock, then gotten a STEM/math degree at my prestigious univ, or gotten a stem/math degree at local less prestigious univ so i could stay at home and not be tempted by degeneracy, or at worst just gotten a business degree from local univ, or something. maybe being out of that environment would have been good. because i was tempted too much by the degen of MJ.

i still used MJ and alcohol when i was at home though……..

i dunno. i should gone to a shrink along with my 1000000000000 mg of prozac, and they could try to convince me to stop doing mj and alcohol. because i was too young for that shit.

http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Tough

https://www.google.com/#q=how+to+be+tough

ok read and understand. if you have a question, read it again until you understand. dont come looking for me to give you a free ride hahahaha. read and understand. youre an adult nao hahahaha.

If you could federally legalize MJ with a 35% tax on it……..then wouldnt it behoove the feds to legalize it?  theyd make billions of dollars on the taxes, more money than they make nao from…….what? booze being legal? but that money is going to booze barons, not politicians or govt!

also if MJ were legal, MJ barons could make a ton of money, as well as the govt taking 35% taxes on it!

not that I think taxes are good, i am just saying its a way to convince govt to make it legal, because THEY love taxes, and i would be WILLING to pay HEAVY taxes to have MJ legal and easily available.

im just trying to figure out why mj is still illegal. basically, both the govt And the Superrich Elites could make a TON of money off it being legal! so why dont they?

i mean they are probably GOING this way, it will just take 10 more years, cuz govt moves SLOWWWWWLY. except when legalizing phag marriage. that happened pretty damn fast hahahaha.

i mean most people can get MJ because its easy to get for social normies. they always know at least one person. the one person i sorta know is unable to do anything at the moment, so i have to wait hahahahaha.

well dont blame THEM!

im not tho!!!!! really!!!!

heh. that was another thing i lost when i lost That Woman.

maybe she really was just shady sketchy white trash that im better off without her in my life hahahaha. i mean she certainly thought SHE was much better off without ME in her life!!!!! and im not that shitty! seriously!!!!!!!!!

maybe her mind was so clouded and she made such bad decisions because she did MJ every day.

i also made very bad decisions and ran away from responsibilities when i was 21 largely because i did mj every day!

well she was older than 21!

21 its ok to be immature. 25, you should start thinking about adulting and being mature.

of course i am over 30 and still very immature.

but you can be immature in diff WAYS!!!!!

http://www.wikihow.com/Keep-Yourself-Calm-During-Tough-Times

heh. there should be a psych phd who writes a book on what happens to your Brain as you go Incel over 10 years.

i mean i dont really care about the SECS nearly as much as the general cuddling or intimacy or having a real REL with a woman.

the GFE, the EXPERIENCE of being with somebody special who is diff from a regular friend, or acquaintance, or family.

and women take these very special rels for granted, have many of them, treat them as replaceable and disposable. hahahaha.

no not all women. not even 51% of women hehehe.

hmm intradasting. no real point here other than to say he felt good when she broke no contact on his bday to wish him happy bday (she dumped him and it was very hard for him), he struggled in doing NC, and now she was sending this message, and he was like, i felt better know that i and the relship meant something to her.

now he says he doesnt want her back. i dont know about that!

standard stuff

hehehe his 22 yo gf has been with a LOT of guys. at age 22 i had only been with 1 gurl. at age 32 i had only been with 1 gurl.

always gets dumped by girls after a few dates or fooks and they see how INSECURE and NEEDY he is. well he is still young as shit, but this has apparently happened several times. oh well. at least hes not a virgin hahaha. maybe he needs a 10 year period of celibacy until he is 33 hahahaha.

heheh i hate thsi shit. she will dump him because oh im not good enough for such a good guy. but if this were a guy dating a gurl who was too good for him, she would dump him IMMEDIATELY and he would feel REAL bad. how do you think this bipolar OP would feel if her too good for her BF dumped her in a very insulting way, like yeah im way too good for you, you dont deserve me? she would be super devastated!

youre not allowed to be depressed if you got into a decent grad school at age 23. maybe if you got rejected and your only option was work at starbucks or get a devry mba and then become a team lead at starbucks. at best. i mean starbucks might be too good for you, they have health benefits ahhahahahahhahaha.

i also think its stupid that she was over me IMMEDIATELY, while its gonna take TWO YEARS for me to get over HER. go thru a little grief and pain. did i really mean NOTHING to you?

but yeah it doesnt bother me as much as it used to.

it doesnt mean it doesnt still bother me, almost every day!

just relatively less. and i THANK GOD for that.

well at least alt right is sticking as a word that means something to people. they use it on mainstream media to refer to far right white supremists, racists, anti semites hahahahaha. like those evil alt righters. no, not all trvmp supporters are radical racists like those ALT RIGHT people hahahaha.

so now i can be like yep im alt right, and i am looking for other alt right people to hang out with.

and people will say you deplorable racist bigot! or, hell yeah me too 1488! HAIL VICTORY!

and then we will get into a huge argument about phag enabling and religion and mj and me not being hyperborean ubermensch enough hahahahahaha.

yeah well it TOTALLY CAN take two years to get over someone. i dont think thats weird at all.

it just disgusts me that NO WOMAN goes two years without SECS. that even if they are Getting Over some other man, they are having Casual Secs with other men. All Women act like 6 months without secs is such a TRAGEDY.

NO. ITS NORMAL. TWO YEARS without secs while you get over somebody SHOULD be normal.

yeah TEN years is not normal i agree. but were not talking about 10 yers, were talking about 2 years.

anyway this thing is making me think All Women Always Treat All Relationships as Throwaway Meaningless Nothingness, and this is not true. it is CLASSIC COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS.

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/cognitive_distortions.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201301/50-common-cognitive-distortions

like good lord. just swear off of secs with men for 6 months and use the damn dildos youre always talking about.

whats the deal with trumps dead brother (i heard he was a Drunk) and his 2 sisters? i have never ever seen them.

yeah so freddy trump was a kinda black sheep and died at age 43 of drinking. one sister is a fed judge, cant believe we havent heard from her. other sister was in banking? other brother was in family business and makes an effort to stay out of attention. i guess there is no issues between any of them.

ok good enough for me.

don jr drank a little during college but apparently got his act together and is now super successful winner with beautiful white children hahahaha.

hmmm ivanka trump is actually OLDER than me. but eric trump is not hahahahaha.

don jr got married in 2005 and had FIVE children in NINE years. the bad news is that his wife is HALF J00. DAMN. COME ON DON.

well at least its not as bad as ivanka and KUSHNER. im not even sure if they should have children. just dump kushner, marry a goy, have goy children.

so yeah his wife is half jooish. and supposedly tiffany trump is dating a jooish man. COME ON. COME ON DON.

how have i not looked into this?

oh is this a sick joke, eric trumps wife lara is full joo. SMDH.

ivanka the orthodox joo and kushner have THREE children. oy vey. what a shonde. its like annuda shoah!

so all of TRVMPS grandchildren are damn MISCHLINGS.

maybe this is a kamikaze strategy to End Jooish Lines? I have too many doubts about that to think it could possibly be effective. especially using your own children.  maybe they just arent joo wise. but how can they NOT be?

SON OF A BITCH.

also i wanted to ask, WHY IS POPULISM BAD?

because its racist?

because “POPULISM” is a codework for Working Class White Male Whitelash?

yeah pretty much.

now i dont like the idea of MOB RULE, but i dont think that what the MSM is getting at when they say “populist”, they just mean the scary evil racist bigot WHITELASH.

http://www.dailystormer.com/the-rise-of-the-white-lash/

welp if i dont make something of myself in the next 4 years, thats it. thats my only hope hahahahahaha. this is white males time to shine and if i dont take advantage of it, i am done hahahaha. white male privilege alone wasnt enough to make me a productive member of society. i need EVEN MORE because i am THAT bad. and here it is with trvmp hahaha.

yeah i should order a red trvmp hat already.

and hanging out with more trump supporters and especially alt right people in real life.

wearing a trvmp hat in public hahahaha.

how much and what kinds of tax would have to be placed on MJ to make it more profitable to the Powers That Be for MJ to be legal, rather than it to be illegal? 100% tax to feds AND 100% tax to state and maybe another 100% to city?

pay $400 for a $100 bag of MJ? yeah ok i might not pay that. i wouldnt pay more than 50% tax hahahaha.

but shouldnt that be enough?

i mean how much law enforcement resources are used to arrest and prosecute MJ growers, dealers, etc?

as opposed to more dangerous drugs like meth or opiates?

no one goes to prison for MJ anymore!

so whos making money on illegal MJ? Mexican Cartels? and the US Gov wants mexican cartels to continue making money because…….this i cant figure out. The Secret Truth.

because Cartels give Fedgov billions of dollars a year? how? bribes? who exactly are they bribing? it seems like it would be lower level frontline feds would be more suspectable to bribes than top dea directors, fed judges, fed higher ups.

so YOURE TELLING ME that these feds make more money in HIGHLY illegal BRIBES from MEXICAN CARTELS, than all of the fedgov could legally make by taxing MJ 35%? 40%? 50%???

i just find it very hard to believe.

 

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MEN HAVE VERY HIGH COMPETENCE WITH LOW EXPERIENCE, WOMEN HAVE NO COMPETENCE WITH VERY HIGH EXPERIENCE

oct 2

ok used this thing called coinpatrol to set up a bitcoin email alert to send me an email when the price drops more than 4% in one day. then i know I should think about buying hehehehehe. surprised coinbase doesnt have this. why not? prob because it costs money to develop and implement hehehehe. cuts into their profits goy.

so how come coinpatrol can do it? i guarantee they have WAY less money than coinbase.

explain this to a caller right now! you’re the expert!

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/593201-girlfriend-dumped-me-unexpectedly-fight-her-give-up

got to stay away from reddit. just go to loveshack instead. i dont even know. loveshack COULD be worse. but at this point its better to take the devil you DONT know hahaha.

ok did 1 app of the day at stupid gay hospital that alwasy rejects me and is unprofessional as fook HR dept. because i can do these apps in 4 minutes and not 14 and didnt want to think at all cuz its sunday hahahaha.

also i didnt understand she was Checking Out Permanently from the Rel. I thought we were just going through a rough patch but that she just wasnt in the process of moving out. i wish she had TOLD ME hey just fyi, im moving out permanently right now. just so you know. no we ARENT gonna talk about this. im getting out as we speak.

because that is not whats implied by “i miss you too, of course well hang out soon”

hehehehe.

and i was too desperate and blind to read the nonverbal signs. but how about giving some verbal signs too, like, yeah, things arent looking real good for this, i dont think i can do this anymore, lets end this hahahaha.

they say not to be a perfectionist…..but you kinda HAVE to be! well, if not 100% perfect, then youhave to be #1 out of all the competitors. not #2. #1. the best. you have to be The #1 Best option among the options for the job, for the woman.

you can be GOOD, you can be CLOSE, but if you’re not #1, then the end result is 100% rejection, same as the retarded mongoloid at the bottom of the heap. private pyle.

and people say dont be a perfectionist…..but you HAVE to be to be successful in life. and then when you see people who are moderately successful in life (like that woman) who are not that impressive. im smarter and better than her!!!!! she’s perfectly average, even a little below average!

but im also not as smart as i think i am.

and then on bad days i think i am really stupid, and i am not really THAT stupid either.

well if she and other normies can be perfectly average and still be moderately successful, then I am probably average too, then why arent i moderately successful? because I’m not THE BEST? THEYRE not the best either!!!!!! they are just AVERAGE!!!!!

you shouldnt be able to be moderately successful if you are Just Average! You should have to be THE BEST in order to be moderately successful!!!!

for someone who naturally asks WHY? WHY? to be able to move on without why, to accept that why doesnt matter, is frustrating. whether its a woman dumping you in a harsh way, or somethign at your job that you SHOULD be able to explain, but cant, and even your employer doesnt care why, because to find out why would cost too much, for too little reward. why? i dont beleive it. show me those calculations.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/597008-dealing-regrets

sheeeeeit. i think the biggest dealbreaker for me is not mudsharking, not even abortions, but just being a damn high number slut.

well, i have been willing to date high number sluts though, as long as they were qt and young. actually having children would probably be the dealbreaker. i have never been INterested in a woman who had children.

but I HAVE been willing to Date women who:

  1. were high number sluts
  2. had mudsharked
  3. had had abortions

so…..SEE!!! I AM WILLING TO COMPROMISE AND LOWER MUH STANDARDS!!!!!!!

now i never was interested in a woman who was ALL THREE. well…..i just dont know do I? its a lot harder to prove they have mudsharked or had abortions than to prove they are a slut. women will openly admit to being with a lot of guys, but arent as willing to admit theyve been with muds, or had abortions. you gotta be man enough to ask them.

ht     tps://heartiste.wordpress.com/2016/09/29/the-wages-of-sluttery/

i think heartiste might have officially come out as a 1488 WN. i hope he does. i mean he’s definitely sympathetic.

women have lots of male friends. men do not have many women friends. WOMEN do not have many women friends. therefore, we can concluded that women are shittier friends/people than men. Corrollary: women only have all these men friends because the men have ulterior motives hahahaha. want to fook them. no this doesnt mean all the men are dishonest NiceGuys. it just means they are desparate, sad, and lonely, desparate for female contact because they don’t have any.

jeez there is such drama going on at damn TRS, people getting banned left and right, infighting o rama, so stupid, a guy i really like was banned, and i dont agree with the banning, but if i complain about it, i will get banned, because its a fascist forum. because we are pro fascist. so what happens when the fascist admins ban people you like. you just keep silent and fall in line? it just seems all so fookin stupid. i dont dislike the guy who banned him, im just disappointed he went ahead and did that. i like both guys. banning should be for true enemies, traitors, subverters. and the guy who got banned was none of that. he just refused to stop talking to some people who had ruffled the higher ups feathers. damn.

also some cliquish bullshit that implies that TRS is softer on phaggotry than they should be. and i think there has been some hot heads and overreactions and misunderstanding, and good people get mad and ban other good people, and it leaves you with a sour taste.

so i hope they unban this one guy in particular.

its not enough to make me stop supporting TRS…..but if they keep doing stuff like this, that is not a good way to be.

theres just several cliques, a schism developing, a pro gay and an anti gay side. so fookin stupid. kinda related to how common filth fell out with the TRS people. now its a similar thing with natt and IM. ie, they are all on the CF side (very anti gay) who say that TRS is a pro gay side because they like MW and “Grindr Greggy” and richard spencer.  dont have a strong opinion on spencer, but I do like MW and GJ, but I also like florian who just got banned from TRS, but I think CF is too blackpill, I kinda like natt, i dunno, this drama is so retarded.

for what its worth, i dont think florian is a major instigator, possibly CF and slavros are. and natt.

this sorta shit has gone on forever with Political Movements. But I like florian and this is pretty disappointing, i really dont think he should have been banned. maybe he will be unbanned. people have been unbanned before.

in the final analysis i would end up on the pro-phag side because i am that big on supporting MW. i feel a Great Connection and Intimacy with him hahahahahaha because he was a despairing neet like me who threw his youth away and had many years of failure and no normies can understand that, and many alt righters are normie chads in that respect and dont understand it.

they will ALWAYS condemn MW because of his past, nothing he says or does now will ever be good enough for these Purity SPiralers hehehe. then they in turn say anyone who uses the term PUrity Spiral is a Phag Enabler. so thats me i guess. a phag enabler. a degen sodomite.

i just dont think its a huge problem, and i will even tolerate repentant gays. i think the muchhhhhhh bigger problem is degenerate slut WOMEN. and again, hate the sin not the sinner here. but i GUARANTEE that pound for pound, female promiscuity and casual sex is 1488000000000000000000000000 times a bigger problem than gay sex. like 1 out of 50 men is gay. 25 out of 50 women are sluts. COME ON. and im just talking about white men and women here.

anyway it sounds like iron march is attacking TRS more than TRS is attacking IM, which is not at all, TRS is just ignoring IM and banning IM sympathizers. and i guess the trs admins decided florian was too much of an IM sympathizer. doesnt mean im still not disappointed! I really liked florian! I hope florian is unbanned! I will still follow florian!

well the admin made an effortpost describing the situation so i appreciate that. im not asking for IM or natt to be unbanned. i just think florian got a bit of a raw deal.

BASICALLY, people like natt, common filth, and slavros of IM are pretty much anti-TRS and denounce TRS as phag-enablers, because TRS is friendly with spencer, greggy, and MW. those 3 guys go on twitter and talk shit about TRS. therefore, i can understand why TRS would not want these people on podcasts promoted on the TRS site.

I would still give florian the benefit of the doubt though. maybe just give him a tempban, or not advertise the episodes that had natt on. florian has the right to talk to whoever he wants, and TRS has the right not to promote those episodes. and natt and cf are overreacting by saying TRS is phag enabling. I read “grindr greggy” for years before TRS even existed. and I am pretty damn defensive of MW. I REALLY do not like people dissing MW. ive never heard florian dissing TRS or MW, thats all Im saying.

anyway. i was gonna say, women have WAY more experience than men being in relships, long term relships, being with several guys for a year, 2 years apiece……yet they are still INCOMPETENT AF, ESPECIALLY given all the EXPERIENCE and TIME they had. HIGH EXPERIENCE, VERY LOW COMPETENCE. in terms of learning lessons, becoming mature, getting good at skills like communication, problem resolution, compromise, communication, etc.

meanwhile, men have much less experience, AND much much MORE Competence! I have learned lessons and skills that women who have spent 5, 10 years of their lives In Rels have Not Yet learned……and Ive spent 0 minutes In A Rel! The Shit I’ve learned just from One sided pining, and friendships, and reading, and being rejected, and aborted pseudo-dating, i’ve learned more than most women learn from 5,6,7 solid YEARS of being IN a REAL rel!!!!!!!!

DAMN!!!!!

That woman was in a rel for 5 years with a guy, lived with him for years, spend 1000000s of hours having secs and being intimate with him, people saying i luv u to each other and seeing each other every day, and i have experienced NONE of that, yet I am STILL more Competent and Skilled and Mature and Knowledgeable than a Woman who has LIVED that LIFE for YEARS!!!!!! What does that tell you about womens AWARENESS and Maturity and Intelligence and Ways of Thinking???!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!

I am not just talking about her, but women in general.

well……i am just making assumptions again! maybe she DID KNOW a lot of shit, it was just a matter of COURAGE. she didnt have the COURAGE to do the right thing, so she just AVOIDED it. doesnt mean she DIDNT KNOW any better. she KNEW better, just didnt have the COURAGE to follow through with it.

who cares it was SIXTEEN MONTHS AGO.

but i said it would take TWO SOLID YEARS to get over.

just wish I had some MJ to help me get through those two long years tho!!!!!!

and also a damn job that I could work without panicking and freaking out and having damn terrified RUN AWAY flight or flight reaction!!!!!

sheeeeeeeeit.

oct 3

sheeeeeeit. trying to prep for phone interview tomorrow. glassdoor suggests that the job could pay close to 40k or 42k. 20 to 21 an hour. when i am only looking for 12 an hour. so now I gotta up THAT to look like im not desperate and below their league. well then WHY did their highly qualified HR wimmin with a masters degree pick ME for the phone interview?

also wish i had more exact stories from my old job. i copied some old cases but i neglected to copy my BEST cases.

so thats a regret. whenever i had a big problem or a ridiculous case at work, i should have wrote down as many details as i could, really just copied the whole case itself, and then spun it like what could i do to really save the day here, even if i didnt, and then tell that detailed, heroic, epic story in future interviews. but none of the cases i copied out of there were really THAT great.

its funny. even in my hardest college classes, i never felt like “this is too hard for me, i cant handle this. this is too complicated. im too dumb for this.” because i knew that somewhere out there, there was an answer to the problems, even if the teacher sucked and the book sucked, and if the problem sucked too much, you just gave it your best shot, got 1%, and didnt really care, cuz no one was gonna really BITCH at you about it, AND later you would probably be corrected and learn how to do the problem anyway. you were given readings and problems and lectures on HOW to do the shit. you knew about exams and deadlines from the beginning of the term. sometimes your instructor even HELPED you prepare for exams, like here’s what you really need to know, focus on this, not so much that, let’s take some questions and make sure we understand so and so.

and you NEVER had to explain anything to some bitch who was bitching you out for being an incompetent idiot who was bad at your job. it wasnt such a big deal to get stuff wrong.

your “team” and managers didnt resent you for making mistakes, your “customers” didnt resent you for making mistakes. you didnt really have a team. you didnt have customers. you just had an instructor who was like, welp you got this question wrong, its not the end of the world, and I will help you get your grade up if you are willing to put in the work. im not gonna BITCH at you for getting it wrong. I sorta want to help you understand these concepts better.

our stupid job was the type of job that REALLY made you want to DRINK. like oh god i cant believe i survived that day, OH GOD, I need a STRONG drink RIGHT NOW. and then you would CHUG some whiskey or scotch or vodka equal to at LEAST 1.5 or 2 shots worth, just chug it straight from the bottle. and THEN you would be like wewlad, ok, welp i HAD to a serious SHOT, now I will have a serious DRINK to unwind. then you pour a sipping drink equal to at least 2 or 3 shots. basically a minimum of 5 drinks to unwind from EVERY day.

5 drinks every workday will eventually turn you into an alcoholic and also the hangovers will become a problem. for work.

also, if you NEED 5 drinks, youre not gonna stop at 5. you will say shit, might as well have another. and another. the 5 really easily turns into 10. then youre shitfaced drunk and have to work the next day.

note: i never did any of this. and thats kind of a miracle. i mean i could see drinking honestly HELPING you in this situation.

i am surprised more people didnt drink ON the job. probably because you were in close quarters and could probably smell it.

but yeah every day i went in there, it felt like an Exam I Couldnt Handle, that I wasnt prepared for. Sure I generally got SOME test anxiety whenever i had a college test……but the shit i faced every day at the job was WORSE, because i never felt prepared, AND I had to talk to people who were bitching about their problems and thought I had the knowledge and skills to fix them…..when i actually knew just as much or less than they did.

oct 2 received millennial woes tshirt. not bad woesy. manlet woes lad hahahahaha.

well you know why people arent interested in their race being genocided, because they are too busy working 60 hours a week and then worrying about their job all other waking hours of the week. they simply dont have time to think about their race being genocided because all they can think or do is work. and beleive me theyre not happy about it! they wish they could think about anything else! when i was into the full swing of working, i could not follow news or racial stuff at all! i wanted to, but i was just too exhausted! I was so focused on day to day survival that i could not even THINK about what is happening to the white race!

i mean i CARED sure, but i cared more about how the hell i was going to survive the firing squad every day, the 10 hour Dissertation Defense where you hadnt spent 5 years researching and writing and thinking about your dissertation, your were basically plopped down to defend someone elses shitty dissertation in a field you knew nothing about.

if you had a 12 week boot camp like you do for boot camp, they would probably teach you some Fallback Training so that when you got weird shit, you could just Fall Back On Your Training and go through the motions and fake it till you make it.

but when you have shitty training, you just sit there and go uhhhhhhhhhhhhh like a deer in headlights and say i got nothing. i really have no idea. and youre stuck with me here. my higher ups dont have time to talk to you. youre stuck with me and i dont know what im doing, so bear with me because this IS gonna take a while. you would LITERALLY have just as good a chance trying to fix this yourself by looking at some chinese manual. because thats what im doing. and tyring to figure out what this goddam chinese manual is saying. and your guess is as good as mine.

like going to your doctor and he asks YOU for advice in treating YOUR problem. pretty ass backwards uh?

so yeah a VERY stiff drink is warranted at the end of the day. and if you cant drink, then a bigass spliff or bowl so you can get blazed as fook. i couldnt drink, and honestly getting blazed as fook was better than doing nothing.

my choices were get blazed, take valium, exercise, study shit to try to get a sense of control, go to bed early, and i tried a combination of all of those.

the best was: getting really blazed, then study cases for an hour or 90 minutes, then maybe exercise, then gt blazed some more, then go to bed early.

but yeah i wish there was a book or a mentor who could help you thru the early phases. like goddamn TRAINING WHEELS. and then you take off the training wheels when youre READY, or at least 75% CLOSE to being ready!

oh xfinity comcast i hate you kieran from comcast. not just that they give bad service and are joos, but that they have the AUDACITY to think THIS COMMERCIAL proves that they are improving their service. they put this stuff right out there are WERE SUPPOSED TO BE IMPRESSED? IMPRESSED THAT YOU CAN CHANGED YOUR WIFI PASSWORD? IMPRESSED THAT YOU CAN TWEET TO A SERVICE REP? IMPRESSED THAT YOU CAN SCHEDULE A CALL?????? NO!!!!!!!! NO ON ALL COUNTS!!!!!!!!

as far as customer service goes……learn a lesson from the companies that do it GOOD. (well). Companies that are rated by their customers as having great customer service. and then do what they do. all i know is that zappos and nordstrom have a REPUTATION for good customer service. maybe marriott or hilton too. do what they do.

its hard to think straight when youre panicking because youve never seen this before AND you have no idea how to fix it.

HOW CAN YOU FIX SOMETHING YOUVE NEVER HEARD OF??????

While this situation fills me with panic and dread, the idea Tech Person is EXCITED about the CHALLENGE. they LIKE Bullshitting their ways out of these RIDICULOUS situations.

woman is “ghosted” by man. just like finding/reading “ghosting” stories. this was worse because they were officially dating for 1.5 years. and she still handled it better than i did hahahaha.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-forward/201511/is-why-ghosting-hurts-so-much

i probably linked this article again but it came up in that reddit

also there are no damn MEN talking about how theyve been ghosted by WOMEN so all these horrible reddit women are saying, “hmm this sounds like a male thing to do”

but yeah fact is reddit is just more interesting and easier to browse and read than loveshack.

heh. if you get put on the state medical mj list……do cops see that whenever they scan your license when you get pulled over? how much work needs to be done for LE to see if you are on that list? would it come up in a regular background check? what about a more serious background check? how many kinds of background checks are there? is the background check to get a sweet 40k a year job in a Good Company more or less stringent than the background check to get in the FBI? or a secret govt clearance? or get a job as a Copper?

heh there was a Creepy Clown sighting a few miles from my house. this has started to become a Real Life Meme in 2016 (actually I remember it earlier, but it seems to be Spiking again in Oct 2016 and imagine halloween has something to do with it) Just a Creepy Clown standing in a parking lot at 2 am waving at cars.

not too far from my house, and really close to HER house. I admit I read the news article sort of wishing to see HER commenting on it. damn. PATHETIC.

some people get the proper perspective, and when the person who GHOSTS them comes crawling back 6, 12, 15 months later, the ghostee says FOOK YOU ASSHOLE, FOOK OFF AND DIE YOU PIECE OF SHIT, which is the appropriate thing to say. her, i would take her back no question and be like i forgive you baby, i can understand why you did this, you were just scared, its ok baby i forgive you.

 

wow. IT TAKES A WHILE FOR SOME PEOPLE TO GET COMFROTABLE WITH SECS, YA DUMB, DIRTY WHORE!!!!!!

and ex boifran WHO IS ALSO HER BEST FRIEND

OH COME ON

PATHETIC.

ABSOLUTELY DEGENERATE.

well its more complicated, this case is, basically she is dumping him because shes still in luv wth her ex, not because he was awkward the one and only time they had secs. so really, nothing too interesting here.

i just hate how women have NO PROBLEM having secs quickly. dont they get NERVOUS? even if it werent degenerate, i would get NERVOUS! i dont KNOW this person! now im showing them my naked body and rubbing our genitalia together? and women have all these goddamn BODY ISSUES ANYWAY!!! and theyre NOT NERVOUS letting STRANGERS fook their naked body??!?!?!?! and they always  forget that women can get pregnant? WTF??!?!?!?!?!!!

you cant touch a womans stomach without them freaking out, but you can know them for less than 2 hours and stick your diseased dick up her cvnt uncovered and take videos and pictures of it. un fookin believable. wearing fooking sleeveless shit to show off their fat arms. yet if you touch their stomach, you get dumped. what idiots.

you get dumped if you dont compliment them the right way. if you compliment them the WRONG way, you get dumped.

yet they let tyrone and achmed spray in their cvnt unprotected.

stop TRYING to make sense of it. even though they dont KNOW its all about reproduction, its STILL all about reproduction, and they choose to have casual sex with the strongest strongman they can find in the short term. doesnt matter if hes the bad type of strong. it only matters that his strength is obvious and blatant and easy to see.

they arent designed to choose a good man for the long term. thats their FATHERS job.

maybe i am going off the deep end here. maybe women CAN make good decisions SOMETIMES. and maybe they CAN have courage and do the right thing SOMETIMES. like for example, ST ANN COULTER. She makes good decisions (except about who she fooks)

and believe me, i could put up with the worthlessness of women a lot better if i just had a nice 12 dollar an hour job and could hold my head up high with that knowledge. just need a JOB and some MJ, the WOMAN is secondary.

well, its also kind of our DUTY as white men to make more white children.

and i guess i could do that with white skanks, but i need to have enough money to take care of my white children. and basically i don’t want to be a white person using a NONWHITE REPRODUCTIVE STRATEGY. it does not BECOME white people to have HAREMS like goddam ARABS or BLACKS.  but we do need to be more dominant and stronger than arabs or blacks, so our women dont leave us for them. because we cant expect our women to have any race loyalty.

BUT if we can train our women…..couldnt we TRAIN them to the point where yes we CAN have some expectations of them? like train a woman to be racist. well, i believe you can train a woman to be racist, you can train a woman to be trustworthy, but you still cant train a woman to make good decisions or be super responsible.

so how do they have these high powered careers?

i mean there are women engineers and shit. you have to have at LEAST a 105 iq for that, even the women. i trust engineers to be smart and make smart decisions. so what about the female engineers? yeah they arent as smart as the male engineers, and yeah they are getting bonus affirmative action points, but i would say they STILL have to have at least 105 iq and be SORTA smart!!!!!

 

NOICE

really r/relships would be easily fixed by just getting MOAR MEN in there. its a god damn estrogen clusterfook which is really ANNOYING.

i just hate how they leave men in horrible ways. every damn woman should take a dumping 101 course. from her father hahahaha. view the end of the relationship as PART of the relship. learn to ACCEPT some RESPONSIBILITIES. show some GOODWILL when you break a poor guys heart. LET him be upset. tell im its NOT HIS FAULT. Respect that you are breaking someones heart. Tell him that no contact would be best. dont say lets be friends. he just wants to be WITH you. Respect the fact that you are PULLING THE RUG OUT on a person. Apologize. Feel BAD about what you’re doing. These are the responsibilities that go along with your RIGHT to end the rel whenever you want, single-handedly. it doesnt come for FREE.

ok. 44 minutes till they call me. sheeeeeit. i havent done anything interviewy for a MONTH. like 34 days.

yeah ive done a .5 “interview” 90 minute written test but no actual talking to people. i HATE talking to people. starting to get nervous.

i mean the worse that can happen is that i spill the spaghetti and sound like a retarded negro. then they just dont call me back. which is essentially the same result as all my other interviews. where i did NOT sounded like a retarded negro, but sounded pretty much like a damn NORMIE!!!!!! sheeeeeeit i COULD have soudned like a retarded autist and it wouldnt have made any difference!!!!!

but yeah i guess its GOOD to get nervous but i still dont like it because i AM being judged and i have to perform. and its a lot different than sitting there at a written test where you have 90mins to 2 hours to really sit there face to face with the test. the test is not judging you, and even the teacher doesnt REALLY judge you if you do bad. actually he wants you to do well, and will PROBABLY make some effort to help you if you put in some effort and ask him. not at all the same thing here. these people are putting you under the microscope looking for any reason to exclude you based on your verbal answers to questions. and the odds are stacked against you 10 to 1 going in. whereas when taking a skool exam, you have a PRETTY good chance of PASSING it!

with job interviews, you have an ALMOST CERTAIN chance of FAILING it!

BIG DIFFERENCE!

22 minutes. come on. 21. welp. i mean i can learn to use a mainframe. i can “learn” to do anything, meaning I can make a flailing, incompetent attempt at doing things, and then say yeah i did it. oh i did it wrong? i thought I was doing it right. whats the right way then? so sorry. I will stay an hour late today and give you a free hour of work to make up for my stupid mistake. so sorry master. and then go home and get drunk and beat my wife and kids hahahaha. that i dont have because women always dump me before i can beat them or impregnate them hahahaha.

BEATING THEM MAKES THEM STAY hahahaha.

18 minutes. sheeeeeit. sometimes when you get nervous you want to Beat Off just to relieve tension even though you are not really Horny Per Se, you’re afraid and anxious and nervous.

11 minutes. feel like an inferior failure hehehehe. real good attitude. looked briefly at linkedin and thought oh these fookin people. getting masters degrees and then getting careers that are in line with that. i just dont understand these NORMIES at all!

i guess this is the benefit of an in person interview, is that right now i would be there, in the suit, announcing my presence, focusing like a boss on the stuff. right now i am just freaking out and dressed like a slob at home. and typing in here 9 minutes before the phone call!

2 hours later

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit that actually went pretty WELL, THANK GOD.

full 60 minutes budgeted by HR lady for Phone Call. impressive. I rambled a bit but was OK. because they said ok you are now invited to an actual interview with the tech manager on tuesday w00t w00t. with a damn pay near 40k and strong 401k matching and 15 days off and health care and MF days sched, etc etc a great bigboy job to get here. almost too good to be true. well ive have interviews with places like that before hehehe. the big 22nd interview.

and then while i was talking to them, voice mail from another place for an autism ABA job. called them back, got The Big 23rd interview. for this friday. now that is just a part time thing but they emphasized an in depth ABA training pogam for the tism. i should tell them i am The Tism Tickler and deal with Autist Sperg Virgin Neets on the internet erryday hahahaahahahahaha

really the job will probably be me wiping “autistic” negro chirrens asses hahahahaha with great struggling. they just wont bend over nicely and let me wipe their asses, they are gonna be running around getting shit all over the place including my face hahahahaha.

well tech that will be the 22nd interview? anyway my real goal is 25 interviews and i am very close now. 452 apps, 23 interviews.

and a damn interview tomorrow for fire extinguisher inspector hahahaha.

well the big thing is this “systems specialist” job with the mainframes. that is the new #1. nice to get these GOOD ones once in a while, although it is more disappointing not to get them. but its somewhat good for the confidence to know that i am IN THE RUNNING for actual good jobs with actual good companies.  the HR wimmin was impressed that i did 2 minutes of research on the company.

DO THIS. THEY REALLY DO LIKE IT.

I mean, I do it all the time. they LIKE it but they still dont HIRE me hahaha.

and i had a YUGE dream with THAT WOMAN last night. as in she was in it a lot, i was talking to her a lot. we were basically living in a dorm together, with at least 6 people living in a kinda big dorm room or mini barracks. she was my roomate. i was trying to talk to her and hang out with her and she was just being very very bitchy and showing no interest. this is normally not a big deal if shes a random woman. BUT SHES NOT A RANDOM WOMAN. and it is so painful to see someone who once cared about you and made time for you, TURN into an ice cold distant bitch. so that was the gist of the dream. as it is with most dreams i have about her. well i guess it is technically BETTER than nostalgically remembering the Nice version of her. and all i am left with is the Bitchy version of her.

super long post here huh. i didnt plan it this way i promise.

also did 14 pushups. did not do any job apps but fookit. had a 60 minute phone interview (counted as .5 an interview lasting 100 minutes for 60 min interview plus 40 mins prep), got TWO invites for actual in person full blown interviews, and also did prep work for fire protection interview tomorrow and printed the shit out. i feel i was prductive enough hehehe.

also did laundry. and just did 3.2 mile powerwalk.

so yeah finally felt a shred of confidence, which i only get after i have an interview for a decent job and i feel i did ok. so i feel confident for like 1 hour a month hhahahahahaha. its kind like how you feel like a BOSS after you bang a hot bitch hahahahahahaha. no, i mean “attractive woman.”

or for that matter, after you cuddle with some Boo or Bae that you Like Like and they give you warm fuzzies.

but yeah i felt last night before i had that stupid dream, i read a pretty good thread on TRS forum on women, and im not gonna paste it here, because that is officially grounds for BANNING hehe. but they were like yeah women are FOOKED but you gotta still do your duty white man. dont worry about finding a red pilled wife, just find a simple semi-conservative normie nonslut, and you can train her. have a strong hand.

and then i thought, shit, i was not strong at all. and if i had been really strong and played my cards right……i bet i probably could have made her TINGLE for me and get interested in me. if i had just had a strong hand. she wouldnt have lost all respect for me, and we would have lived happily ever after. fooked that ass 6000000 times, spent 1488000000 hours cuddling, and had a ton of white babies.  if i had only been strong. women feel totally differently about a strong dominating man, than they do about a weak pussy man. and i was totally a weak pussy.

so that makes me think, really it WAS all my fault, because if I had acted differently, I could have Got The Girl. it wasnt that She Decided we wouldnt be Compatible. if i were a stronger man, she would have decided we were (((COMPATIBLE))). sheeeeeeit.

so i hate That kind of guilt.

well i wont make that mistake again in the future hopefully.

but i may never luv a woman again. and the trs thread basically said, get used to the idea that you as a truly strong red pilled man, are never going to really LOVE a woman ever again.

 

 

JUST BECAUSE SOMETHING MAKES SENSE DOESNT MEAN IT DOESNT SUCK DONKEY D1CK

aug 5

yeah so the idea of creativity and design and human centered and innovation bla bla it all sounds REALLY good, its some GREAT bullshit. i mean nobody, left or right, white or jooish, can deny that Creativity is a Good Thing. and it’s fun and confidence building and healthy to BE creative. any cynic who bitches about how creativity is bullshit is just butthurt that they aren’t creative. i do that alot. bitch about x because im butthurt about not being x. its degenerate and wicked and jooish, etc.

cant really do that about creativity. shit I would LIKE to be more creative. I used to be more creative before muh emotional issues really put the kibosh on that. being creative means you can think your way out of problems and hopefully act on them. and really fix the problems.

i was creative this morning. usually i make weak coffee with 4 scoops. when i was at the creativity office, they had some pretty good coffee, but since normie coffee is too strong for me, i have to dilute it with water. So i thought, well why dont I just make stronger coffee at home, then add water to it, that way i dont have to make 2 pots of coffee a day. just make 1 pot of stronger coffee and add water to it AFTER making making it, when i am pouring muhself a cup. mix it with some water then.

see how SIMPLE that is? yet I didnt think of it until I was 35 years old hahahaha. because muh creativity is THAT weakened. its hard to think of solutions when you are anxious and despairing. this impairs your judgement and give you BRAIN FOG. you cling to any kind of safety or security or certainty you can find, because youre tired and weak from being confused and uncertain and HELPLESS.

when you are DROWNING, you dont have the LUXURY of being creative. you just want a damn life raft or something that FLOATS that you can GRAB ONTO and hold on for dear life. thats as creative as you can be.

but im not REALLY drowning! thats ALL IN MY MIND!

own worst enemy, imaginary prison, afraid of freedom, fear is the mindkiller etc

but yeah it is very hard to break those Psychic Chains hahahaha. Correct the Cognitive Distortions.

anyway a year later after the shit with the woman its easier to put it in perspective and not hate her so much, and not blame myself so much, which is HUGE. i thought i did something HORRIBLE which caused her to HATE me.

in fact she probably didnt hate me, and the simplest solution is the best one: she was just scared and confused and overwhelmed, fight or flight kicked in, I wanted to fight, and she wanted to flight. so she ran away. I have run away from situations before, not because they did me wrong or I hated them per se. I ran away because I was scared and panicking because I felt I JUST COULDNT HANDLE IT!!!!!!!!!! I JUST CANT HANDLE THIS!!!!!!!! so you run away. and thats the ALL the explanation there really IS. get scared, run away. and then you cant really approach the person to convince them theres nothing to be scared of. becuase they keep running away. nothing you can do but let them run away. which i ultimately did. the end.

theres ignoring, THEN theres “actively” avoiding, THEN theres running away. we gradually escalated through all three stages there.

im not sure a manipulative niceguy would have driven that escalation like I did! I NEEDED A RESOLUTION! I wasnt WAITING TO POUNCE!

so yeah its important to personally believe i wasnt the bad guy, i wasnt the niceguy fake friend manipulator. it was just unfortuante and sad situation where we couldnt resolve our problems and she ran away from them because she was too scared to DEAL with them.

which is understandable! sheeeeeeeeeit I feel EVERY DAY like I cant DEAL WITH LIFE itself! I’ve done plenty of running away myself!

its like in dreams where you are just running and running away from some sort of monster.

well maybe she didnt think I was a monster, but she certainly found the situation monstrous and terrifying. ok I totally get that.

so yeah it is starting to make a lot more sense, and that gives me real closure. it sucks total donkey dick, but it makes sense. but it still sucks!

JUST BECAUSE SOMETHING MAKES SENSE DOESNT MEAN IT DOESNT SUCK DONKEY DICK!

see THESE are healthy thoughts, this is how a normie thinks, how a confident winner normie nonvrigin nonneet DEALS WITH problems in their life.  by taking a HEALTHY perspective on them.

wow i guess that means i am having a good day today. well thank GOD hahahaha.

im not even that upset about not getting that great job. I still feel sorta confident from even just having the interview and being one of 4 finalists. out of 100 applicants!

well I would have expected more applicants frankly. at least 200.

https://upfrommorallylazyloserness.wordpress.com/2016/08/05/6235/

this post shows some early hints of Rational Thinking way back in january 2016 when I wrote it. so not even 6 months out, I was getting some good perspective on it. of course i certainly wasnt fully healed, i still am not, and then i was MUCH more lazy on muh job search. i was still running away from that.

yeahi mean shit its like forrest gump running away kind of. he wanted to run back to the safety of home….but when he was an older man, that didnt even do it for him. so he just kept running and running  and running until he was tired of running. that manipulative joo movie portrays it very nicely, in some ways, that movie is very very good and of course I identify with forrest more than most people. kinda like a big naive child who doesnt really fit in. and falls in luv with the worst women ever hahahahaha.

I would have gotten along with forrest well I think and probably been a good friend to him hehehe. and i wouldnt die early like bubba and i wouldnt be all bipolar like lt dan. well, maybe i would hahahaha.

really lt dan should have stayed alongside forrest after their shrimp company blew up, and lt dan should have played a big role in keeping forrest away from that horrible skank jennay. i dont think jennay was an evil bad person, but she was just a totally ruined woman who was POISON to everyone around her. its sad really. and really its better for you to stay far far away from these Toxic, Poisonous people. They need to help themselves first. Jennay should have gone to a goy shrink when she was very young, before she turned into a drug whore always running away and breaking forrests heart 9000000 times. she did not deserve a good man like him.

at least thats what i get out of the movie, and i appreciate the movie for showing such a tragic, poisonous woman…..but i’m not sure thats what i was supposed to get out of it hahahahaha. and this just proves i am an unregenerate woman hater hahahaha.

SO BE IT. I HATE WOMEN. SO WHAT. DEAL WITH IT.

the two WOMEN I interviewed with yesterday didnt think i was a WOMAN HATER. or the Woman Manager I Initiated a Conversation with at the Creative Idea Design Space. They were nice to me and I was nice to them.

i HATE not having the “luxury” to CALL SOMEBODY BACK. shit give me 15 minutes, I will look into this, and CALL YOU BACK. we couldnt really do that at the job. you had to get permission to call somebody back. which wouldnt be given because there were Calls In Queue. so you had to do EVERYTHING with the caller on HOLD. put the caller on hold for 5 minutes just to ask for permission to call them back, and get rejected, then tell the caller you just wasted 5 minutes with them on hold hahahahaha.

yet another reason why i do not want to go back to a damn call center. they are able to get “LEAN” so that there is no downtime, so that there ALWAYS IS callers in queue, because if there is not a lot of calls, they can just send people home like they do at a restaurant.

not all places send people home when it gets slow!

but you gotta have a degree from cornell loaded with prestigious internships to get one of those jobs, hahahaha.

my school was not as prestigious as CORNELL or STANFORD. but it was definitely within shouting distance. a lot of our people went to Grad School at cornell or stanford or places like that.

but not me! I went on to struggle to make more than 10k a year for the next 11 years after college! with no cuddles hahahaha

heh damn recruiter called, said they found my resume on careerbuilder, i lied and said i found a new position, then went right to careerbuilder and saw all my shit was private.

they probable saved my info in their system back when my shit was not private. hmm. im surprised they remember people like that, in the sense of creating and maintaining their own pool, rather than saying fook all these people, let’s just go right back to careerbuilder and get NEW resumes!

maybe that means i was in a “high value” pool that they wanted to contact several times? be persistent with this guy becuase he’s good? hehehehehe. see that is the RIGHT way to interpret this uncertainty.

pick up tailored suit from arabs today, they were super expensive, wont go back. they have great reviews tho.

AGAIN! THAT KID IS ON THE ESCALATOR AGAIN!

The INFAMOUS job that got 1000 applicants in 3 days for the entry level college student 13 DAH job, is being posted AGAIN about 2 or 3 weeks later!

HOW COULD NOT ONE OF THOSE THOUSAND PEOPLE BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR THIS JOB???

SOMETHING WEIRD IS GOING ON HERE.

Shit yeah I will apply for it AGAIN, and count it towards my numbers again.

NO company should EVER hire from the outside for ANYTHING but an entry level position.  I can’t get creative enough to think of a GOOD reason, without sounding like total jooish bullshit.

hire a manager from another company while you have EXCELLENT level 1 people who would LOVED to be promoted AND who do GREAT work and KNOW their shit.

or the alternative is, you give them more responsibility and more work to make them FEEL like they’ve been promoted, maybe even gie you a fancier job title if you’re really lucky, but NO increase in pay. NONE.

so you are doing MORE for the SAME.

i mean shit yeah it makes SENSE, this all makes SENSE. the way it makes SENSE for a parasite to suck its host dry when there is an OVERSUPPLY OF HOSTS!!!!!! they can kill their host and it doesnt kill THEM (see the scorpion and the frog fable) because there is always another host!

THE SCORPION ALWAYS HAS ANOTHER FROG TO JUMP TO!!!!!!

which, of course completely Subverts and Ruins the MORAL of the fable. well, Subverting and ruining morals is what they do best isnt it?

anyway the idea is that by following its predatory nature, the scorpion “accidentally” kills the frog who is carrying it to safety, therefore killing himself.

YOUVE KILLED US, YOU ARROGANT ASS!!!!.wav

but in reality, the scorpion never has to face consequences for its actions because there’s another frog it can jump to once the previous frog dies. i guess women are like this too. they get away with it because they CAN get away with it and there will NEVER be a shortage of people who LET them get away with it.

women: the joos of the human race hahahaha. the joos of the genders hahaha.

i am now approaching andrew anglin level hatred of da joos hahahaha.

so if mill woes was the man of the year 2015, then the goys of TRS in general are the men of the year 2016. for sure. for sure. jim, sheeitlawd, ryan nation of one, seventh son, natt, otto, sam, k1ke enoch, all the great guys on the forum, and the podcasts i dont listen to, lets throw in andre anglin and weev too, they are great.

there are two kinds of mgtows: those that turn back once they reach Race Realism, and those that go boldly into that world. guess which one i am hahahaha.

in other words, eventually ALL mgtows reach the race question. its an inevitable, logical conclusion. and i dont think its logical to turn back. to say oh no i just want to engineer robot waifus, but being a racist is just dumb and ridiculous and bad. COME ON.

i think it gives a very healthy perspective for mgtows women hate. like you accept how ridiculous women are, and now you have the courage to actually DEAL with them, rather than AVOID them like mgtows. courage vs cowardice.

now i am a coward but im glad I chose the path of courage at least hahahaha.

picked up my newly tailor gray suit. i guess you could call it a dark gray as opposed to a Medium Average Gray. oh well. sill looks good and it doesnt look BLACK. I wanted to stay away from BLACK because NOBODY wears black suits and it just looks WEIRD. you are either a gangster, the blues brothers, or an orthodox j00, or amish, an orthodox russian. i mean some of these things are not bad……but none of them are NORMIE. they do not inspire confidence in the unconfident. you have to already be confident to pull off that weirdness. otherwise people will just think youre a weirdo, and it DOES matter what other people want, because you are always trying to GET something from them. SELL shit to them. they are your CUSTOMER. employers and women. and actual customers for that matter.

but yeah i absolutely have to apply to 4 better 5 jobs today, i have been “off” the past few days. i mean i have been busy doing stuff. doing this 2 day study, having 2 interviews, hey thats plenty hehehehe. also i have been more inspired in writing and thinking positively, so i want to capitalize on that.

although i did have a brief fantasy about degenerately banging the attractive “milf” type women I saw at the research study. basically just imagining them being very degenerate and slutty, why wouldnt a milf be, obviously theyre damaged goods, so then i respond in kind by having very ruff secs with them. i mean these are the types of women who like to be choked and slapped during secs and just treated like GARBAGE. NOT the type of woman you marry EVER.

unfortuantely that led to me having very degenerate thoughts about them! not the tender luving secs you have with your tender luving waifu!

which is easier to think of the nondegen stuff when you view the woman as being YOUNG AND nondegen herself. a young fair maiden. rather than some worn out old skank with plenty of obvious miles on the engine.

dont give your most valuable resource away for FREE!!!

it MATTERS!!!! stop pretending like it doesnt!! and women FALL for this RUSE completely! and its so shameful and disgusting!

and the woman i wanted to spend the rest of muh life with and have 3 white children with, would rather give up her white womb EASILY to packs of wild ingras than even LISTEN to me say please be nicer to me, did I ever mean anything to you.

guy on TRSF recommends doing a “3 day water fast” basically meaning, dont eat anything for 3 days, but you can drink water. he claims it resets your system, like rebooting your whole body, you can quickly lose some extra weight, wel, you might lose some muscle too so maybe dont do it if you are BULKING hahahaha.

supposedly the first 2 days are hard but the third day is easy and where you will notice the benefits. you wont even WANT to eat your favorite foods.

and hopefully when you end the fast, you will be reprogrammed to not want to eat as much.

he recommends doing a 3 day fast once every 3 months.

http://www.gq.com/story/six-day-water-fast-diet

http://jamesclear.com/the-beginners-guide-to-intermittent-fasting

i guess i kind of already DO intermittent fasting, ie doing all your eating for the day within an 8 hour window.

http://www.nateliason.com/5-day-water-fast-health-benefits/

water fasting.

sheeeeit wanted to play some cards finally, and nobody in there.

when good men go crazy or freak out or quit things or snap or disappear…………………….

there’s usually a woman behind it all. some bitch breaking his heart. and then he goes off the deep end. his heart and his luv were a lot more pure and good than her uterus and her heart.

maybe i should impregnate nonwhites but not take of the mixed race kids, so as to “ruin” their genetic line and to essentially make them more white hahahahaha. but what are the chances they will mate with whites to have whiter kids? also…..well basically this mixed bastard would ideally be a woman, who is herself impregnated by white men. but what if its a mixed man? do I want him mixing with a white woman to create a whiter child than him?

theres no easy solution when trying to “breed out” a certain race by diluting it with whiteness hehehe.

you basically need to genocide the males and turn the females into brood mares for whites. then repeat the cycle until the people are 92% white.

this is SO MUCH WORK. It would be easier just to Send All Nonwhites Back. A lot easier and more efficient and quicker and less autistic ahaha.

but a key lesson is, males can get away with race mixing, women can’t. exactly because women are more reproductively VALUABLE.

i mean ok. it kinda made sense in times of war and imperial conquest. like white men conquering african nations and making mixed bastards. but its not a good long term strategy for whites to live there i guess. i mean in the end you just get brazil. how what is brazil. i mean the whitest whites segregate themselves….and i cant blame them!!!!!

moral of the story, just dont race mix. men or women. no good can come of it. its interesting to think of how you could “whiten” nonwhites with strategic breeding but……i dunno its just not a good roi in the long run. too resource intensive.

bbbbbut not if you just exterminate all the mixed MALE fetuses, and the white men who breed with the mixed women don’t waste any of their RESOURCES on these women. but then who takes care of the women? the state I guess. then you have this whole slave caste essentially.

but they get released out of slavery once they are 92% white. and one day the slavery ends.

but i think that “LEGACY” of slavery would be with them just like with the blacks today.

especially for the first generation of children to be Born Free, ie above 92% or whatever. they only have memories of their mother being a brood slave. yeah but they dont even KNOW their mother. they could be put up into ADOPTION with a white family and then never told about their history. that might work hahahaha.

AYO HOL UP so youre tellin me there are qt white girls from carribean islands like the cayman islands, bahamas, bermuda, etc? I thought they were all black. (watching olympic intro ceremony with all the countries proceeding in. kinda interesting.)

are these all athletes? i mean there are qt gurls for the majority of countries, even not the whitest of countries. like cayman islands, or chile, or kazakstan. like kazakstan, most people look like finngolians, but a few people look whitish! i mean shit. cryprus has some qts, even colombia.

aug 6

really the breeding whiteness into nonwhites idea is SO AUTISTIC. the easiest and best solution is simply sterilize nonwhites. there would be no camps, no ovens. just sterlize them or send them back, even give them money when you send them back.  that would be tax dollars well spent.

ok what if i found the perfect woman, but she was 50% nonwhite. SOME of these gurls can be really qt. and still look pretty white. but keep in mind barry is half white and he looks black and you dont even remember hes half white.

well, i am not talking about the 50% black mixes hahaha. maybe like asian or indian or something. yeah but their mother is a race traitor! unless its an asian. then their father is a race traitor beta cuck with yellow fever.

ok gotta apply for more jobs, been falling behind there.

ok gonna try a 20 hour fast today. i guess its not too unusual for me to to a 16 hour intermittent fast. so lets try 20 hours today. because i am a bit over. essentially need to skip one or two meals. come on. how hard is that.

ideally i would like to lose 10 more pounds but at this point, it is harder than ever.

i mean i dont really NEED to because i am at a healthy weight now. which so many fat bastards are unable to say.

i just think of the last time we talked and she was so awkward and distant and was like YOU SHOULD KNOW that this is over, just STAY AWAY FROM ME, I dont want anything to do with you. without actually saying that.

where i was more like, yeah were having issues, but we have been friends for almost 3 years, you cant just ASSUME this is over and even more you cant ASSUME that I should feel the exact same way, and that I’m the bad guy for not immediately accepting, welp, this is dead and over and Im simply never going to talk to you again. Thats fine. No Problem. Done and Done.

Ok so women CAN be mature and rational and reasonable…….but at TIMES when the emotions and the hormones hit, they turn IMMEDIATELY back into 13 year old girls. IDIOTS. and thats when you need to be careful. at that point they become very destructive. ticking time bombs. and then they cant be trusted whatsoever and can do very bad things. and in this window of time, the female ceo can wreck their company, while they are having this tasmanian devil tantrum.

you basically need to strap them down in a rubber room with a straitjacket until the fever passes.

i wish this emotional fever wasnt SO powerful and SO destructive!!!! It’s almost as destructive as the power of the womb is life-giving. and on the other side, this emotional fever is like an atomic bomb, dstroyer of worlds, i am become death, kali.

Although I have no working experience in blabla system, I would take the initiative to learn the system as quickly as possible by training myself in my personal time.

this is my new favorite response to that question hahahaha. I have taken to writing that on my applications for 27k entry level clerk jobs where they ask if you have experience in blabla program.

Train YOURSELF in your PERSONAL time.

Dont train yourself on THEIR time.

Dont ask THEM to train you on their time OR on your time.

but you can MAYBE pay somebody 20 dollars an hour to train you on your free time.

or pay somebody to let you watch them at work before and after your shift. pay them for giving you the service of letting you watch them.

that idea that were DONE, and you should KNOW it, even though I havent really told you whether i want us to be DONE or if i am willing to work on it, like you have expressed to me that you want to work on it. you should know that I dont. now get out of here and if you dont understand all this, youre a crazy sociopath.

Really I had no way of knowing did she want to work on this, or did she want out entirely.

Well she wasnt showing any action towards working on it, so I guess I should have interpreted it as she wanted out entirely. so i was the bad guy for not liking that and for pushing her to work on it and not just sitting by and accepting this with a smile saying THATS FINE.

i mean yeah yeah “i respect her decision” but at least try to be polite and clear with me about what your decision is.

wow the finland team is the whitest so far as far as being filled with beautiful white people, so far, well alongside denmark and slovakia. but damn those beautiful finns dont look anything like mongols!

but yeah you see how the majority of the WORLD are nasty negers and shitskins hahahaha.

hmm there was one cute blond girl on georgia. i thought georgia was almost white….but not quite. i mean the men looked like total turks hahahaha. turkroaches.

no i know they are not, georgians are strictly caucasian.

anyway its unfortuante that the qt white gurls are just SLUTTING IT UP with SO MANY GUYS in the olympic village. how many guys does the average olympic gurl add to her number over the average summer olympics? 10 guys? 20? 5? gotta be more than 5. i mean its not like theyre partying EVERY NIGHT. they have to rest before their big competition days.

i dont even know how long the olympics is. 2 weeks? how many days off do they get? 1 week? 7 days. so, assuming 1 new guy per night, 7 new dicks taken during olympics. not bad. well yes, actually its horrible. there is no reason ANY woman should EVER take 7 dicks in her entire LIFE. that’s 14 years worth of dick all in one week. assuming the decent white thing to do is

NEVER TOUCH A DICK UNLESS YOURE PREPARED TO COMMIT TWO YEARS TO IT.

ideally 3 years.

so when a beautiful, in shape white gurl takes 7 dicks in a week, rendering her unmarriageable in one fell swoop, assuming she was ok before, which she probably wasnt!!!

but boy these healthy looking smiling beautiful white gurls dont LOOK like the filthy whores they are!

very frustrating to be generally averaging like 1250 calories a day and not losing any more weight. how low do i have to go?

i mean to do this you have to do to about 1.5 meals a day. to lose weight you can only eat 1.5 meals a day. no snacks. now when i say 1 meal, i mean 1 decent sized honest meal that fills you up. a “big” meal.

people will tell you youre not EATING ENOUGH.

my question is when does FASTING become ANOREXIA. you can FAST for 20 to 30 days.

thinking about taking a VALIUM tonight. just to see what it does. will it be similar to nyquil? if i dont take a valium i will def take a nyquil. its amazing i still have valium LEFT. let alone a LOT of them!

i mean i would prefer just some MJ but thats impossible for me to get since i am antisocial hahahaha.

meanwhile that woman has been smoking tons of MJ the past year, being way more successful than me, and probably being slutty and giving herself away and having TONS OF FUN. while smokin tons of MJ and making TONS of MONEY. come on.

Protip: ANY THOUGHTS ABOUT “THAT WOMAN” ARE UNPRODUCTIVE. COMPLETELY. THERE IS NO POSSIBLE BENEFIT TO HAVING THESE THOUGHTS. THESE ARE THE TYPES OF THOUGHTS I NEED TO PUT INTO THE OVEN. EXTERMINATE THEM.

who CARES about that woman, it doesnt MATTER what and who she does.

WHO CARES, IT DOESNT MATTER.

yeah its just weird seeing the same or a very very similar job with a certain company get posted every 2 or 3 weeks. always an entry level job that sounds right up my alley and right up MANY peoples alley: day shift, hourly pay, not super skilled, less than 50% talking to customers, office assistant, 12-15 an hour. usually get at least 100-200 applicants per day. then they get 500 appplicants, pull the posting, then 3 weeks later, ITS BACK.

WTF IS GOING ON HERE.

yes I KNOW I JUST wrote about this, possibly in this same post, and definitely last post. because I SEE it happening regularly and it is frustrating! don’t reopen the position, throw out the net to get 500 more applicants, just call me in for an interview!

and this isnt the type of job which only 1 out of ever 10000 people can do, some special snowflake. im sure a monkey could do the job.

which makes me think its a FAKE job opening, IE there is no job, i mean maybe there IS a job, but not right NOW. They hire one person every 2 years for the job, but POST it every month and get 500 applications every time. and then select the best one out of 12000 for when they actually want to hire a person hahahaha. no they probably just put them all in the oven and just pick the best out of the most recent batch of 500.

nobody told me this is how Jobs are!

and this place has terrible ratings from employees.

it doesnt sound like they do mass hiring and mass firing…..cuz they havent hired me yet hahahaha.

maybe this is how they create a pool. but really how many people do they need in their pool? 12000?

NO, they just constantly prune the pool to the BEST 100. a better one comes in, then the worst one gets ovened.

do they really have the TIME to do this though?

but how much TIME does it take? an hour a week? they can probably manage THAT.

so thats what they are doing then. developing the strongest pool possible. shit in that case they just throw out my resume every time, because its not as good as the WORST res in the pool. in that case, a good 490 out of 500 of the applications every month get thrown out!

welp guess these losers better go back to online college and get a masters degree then!

for a 13 an hour data entry job.

yes but its full time, days, no weekends! it might even have a 401k with 1% matching, and an expensive ass high deductible health plan!

and you gotta go to CORNELL to get a full time days no weekends job hahahaha.

355 days since i wrote the final email to her. the final contact. 389 days since i last talked to her. 271 days since i last looked at jooish porno filth.

heh. took a valium, then did a 3.6 mile powerwalk, didnt really feel the valium, then came home and took half dose of nyquil, cuz supposedly benzos make everything stronger hehehehe. now i am getting a little tired.

 

BE THE TYPE OF MAN YOU WOULD WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO MARRY

july 9

https://www.youtube.com/user/ForeverAloneFeels/featured

i have downloaded like 10 videos to listen to. this guy seems like a Kindred Spirit and might even make it to the sidebar links. he also has varg v and weev in his liked videos, which means he might be a bad goy hehehehe. a 1433 bad goy with foreveralone nevergf forevervirgin feels. dont quote me on the 1433. but if he’s not, that might help him. i know it helped ME.

he is one of those guys that talks SO SLOW, probably because he is a horribly depressed virgin for many years! but he also drinks and looks at pron, which is bad. but i think he is quitting pron, which is great. he is currently on like day 60 of “nofap” and apparently that may be helping.

does he go to a shrink?

does he take meds?

does he take MJ?

he definitely likes to drink and eat.

look forward to investigating this fellow lost soul.

he DOES have a job and is gainfully employed, but it also sucks everything out of him and does not help his confidence heheheh.

i havent even watched these, so viewer beware, they might suck. but I think he is definitely worth a few links hahahaha

but yeah its funny how you can just TELL. from the way people LOOK and TALK. that this person is a self loathing virgin. or this person is a woman hater. im not sure if he’s a woman hater, just saying that’s something you can TELL. I know a few guys and you can just tell. i mean it is a bitterness against All or Nearly All women just barely under the surface, of viewing women as stupid and bad. I mean I have the same thing too, so I’m not judging them. I know that feel! I’m a woman-hater myself! I’m just aware of the TELLS, and make a conscious effort to HIDE them, so that people don’t even guess I’m a woman-hater. I am good at not letting the mask slip.

but yeah i dont hate or judge woman haters, how could I , I’m one myself!

I would LOVE not to hate women, but god damn, they just give us so many reasons to hate them hahahaha.

Oh well, i guess the best we can go is hate the sin, love the sinner. but why do they have to sin so god damn much, i mean they NEVER LEARN, they NEVER improve, they get worse and worse.

heh heh

like i say, i will have to listen to this guy then report back. i like to think i am very sympathetic hahaha. how will this guy compare to eggy / egg man, a similar lost soul. i mean these are not neets because they are working, but they are clearing Crying Out for help, they are in SUCH a sad state of despair.

just take some damn meds and sm0ke some damn weed already hahaaha.

how much does “george feels” drink? a little or a LOT. like getting drunk almost every day? or just a few drinks after a long horrible day at work. 3 drinks? or 6, 10 drinks.

but yeah a man CARRIES himself a certain way when he hasn’t made out (or more) with a woman in years, and men who DO have semi-regularly physical and emotional connection wtih women, also carry themself a certain way – a more confident, normie way. they seem less weird. this guy george seems totally WEIRD. as do I, hahahha.

well i guess the nofap is good for him. i would say the porn is 6000000000 times worse than the fap hehehe.

also quit the drinking and switch to weed hahahahaha.

get some damn meds.

get a short buzz haircut, that always gives me a slight confidence boost.

lose some weight hehehehe. not that he’s super fat, but being even slightly overweight is gonna be more damaging to him than to a confident normie chad, who has the personality to get away with being slightly overweight.

in one video he shows a programming in C book, is he a programmer for work? well he should thank his lucky stars to have a real skill and to make real bigboy money hahahahaha.

he lives in fookin denver! why isnt he smokng POUNDS of legal weed hahahahaha.

job opening at one of muh target employers, i almost shit muh pants when I saw it, because it actually generated an email alert. maybe newly posted fulltime jobs here do go onto indeed. good. then i will get email alerts. but they NEVERRRRR post openings for this job. I have NEVERRRR seen such a posting in like EIGHT YEARS. i immediately marked it AAAAAAA+++++++ APPLY NOW. its not every day a job shoots to the top of the list blatnatly like this.  so i will take a little extra care and apply for that today. maybe name drop in the cover letter. cuz i sorta knew 2 guys in the department 3 years ago hahahaha. like know them to chit chat with them and know their names, say hi to them and chit chat. good enough. well the one guy is a truly good guy. i would luv it if he were still there. he is a great guy and mancrushworthy. super friendly and nice and great people person hahaha. he is married and has at least one kid but he needs to have at least 3, just a great white man like that. i got along with him real well. but he gets along with everybody well, he’s just good with people like that.

i GET IT that men HAVE to bring a lot more to the table than women have to. it took me a while to understand that and accept it and not get assmad about it. ok. fine. done.

but can’t women bring SOMETHING to the table other than their befouled cvnt that they have disgraced and degraded so much?

like i have said before, can’t they even make a LITTLE EFFORT? even just 1% instead of 0% would mean a lot, symbolically at least. to be the LEAST BIT willing.

also i think guys like george mcfeels and eggman who post their pathetic white faces on youtube, it takes some balls to do that and I think they are more willing to Improve themselves than the neets on r9k, where its 100% self pity which i why I took r9k off the sidebar.

yeah well NOT ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT hahahaha. SOME women WERE willing and indeed DID give me 1% of effort and kindness when they dumped me! so there! Refuted! Rebutted!

I just wanted to be DUMPED BETTER. I was begging to be dumped better. I said I accept that you’re dumping me. fine. just pleeeeeeease do it BETTER.  i didnt say don’t dump me. well….i said i would be open to not being dumped too hahahahahahahahahahahahaha but i will respect (stupid word, you can ACCEPT without RESPECTING) your decision, just do it a little better. you can do better than that. can’t you? it’s not just a woman thing, OTHER WOMEN have done better than that to ME.

also george feels should just use alcohol to bang some disgusting slut. i think he talks to women and meets women more often than I do. also he still drinks. so find some drunk whore and bang her already. if i still drank i would probably try that.

thing was, i couldnt even talk to women WHEN DRUNK. I went straight from too nervous and weird, to being sloppy falling down drunk and couldnt talk to ANYBODY. and that is not gonna help you with women unless THEY are falling down drunk.

anyway after 3 or 4 or 5 drinks, yeah i would be generally a bit loosened up but still not loosened up around Women. so then of course have another. and other. until you are 10+ drinks and then sloppy and embarrassing. thats the problem with alcohol hahahahahaha. that you get TOO sloppy to talk to women. not that you are ruining your life with being a damn disgraceful drunk hahahaha.

do i have more of a sense of humor than george mcfeels?

am i funnier than him?

more likeable?

why am I trying to BEAT him? well, i dont, i just want to prove to myself that i am not as hopeless as him hehahaha. because i am absolutely in that same ballpark, that i CAN truly Empathize with him. put myself in his place, cuz i’ve been there.

i mean he’s survived at Work for 2 years without having a nervous breakdown and quitting….right? and what if i’m wrong?

but yeah i would totally casually bang sluts with no rel. i dont WANT a rel with any women but HER. I WILL bang women with no committment, no luv. i will treat them in the casual way they are offering their pvssy up to be pounded by the most convenient dick. who cares. as long as i am not with her, nothing matters hahaha. well women at least. just pound the pvssy like a nihilist hedonist degenerate. thats fine and i am willing to do that if it helps me get more distance between me and HER, and gives me more confidence with women, and makes me less needy for women, or at least needy for HER.

so, if alcohol isnt gonna help you with women, i would say at least TRY using MJ as a tool to get sluts and skanks and white trash mudshark whores to give you casual secs. be like ayyy bae u wanna get h1gh ayyyyyy lets blaze it babay and then supply them with the expensive dank buds you have procured hahaha and then maybe they will throw themselves at you after they get st0ned hehehehe. of course good luck not acting WEIRD. so I would recommend that YOU not smoke so much at that time, and also take some benzos to chill you out. then just sit back like an ignra and say wahatever i dont care and give them an i dont care mentality. then you might be able to get dirty secs from dirty sluts who give it up to ANYBODY except for omega weirdo virgins who dont know how to talk 2 gurls hahaha.

so who are MEN supposed to go to for emotional support when THEY feel weak? you cant ask your wife or gf to do that, women are programmed naturally to LEAVE men who are emotionally needy like that. you have to support THEM.  give give give give give but god forbid you ever need someone to give to YOU.

really the best person a MAN can go to if he needs support like that, is his friends or family. really aint no shame for a 35 year old man to run crying to his mother, if he has that privilege.

or i heard a story about a 34 year old man with 2 young children, who himself had a cancerous lump in the testicle or something and he was understandably scared as shit, very emotional, crying, but he had to be careful not to cry in front of his wife and children, because god forbid the big strong man (he is a very big guy) looks weak in front of his wife and kids because he just found out he has CANCER. JESUS CHRIST.

i would be running crying like a baby to my mother and my bitch wife could LEAVE me if she wanted. leave you in the LURCH when you just got diagnosed with CANCER. JUST LIKE A WOMAN hahahahaha. ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT. you can’t get assmad at it. NATURE programmed them that way. GOD programmed them that way. for a reason. for the reason that they are the Creators of New Life. so they can get away with being mercenaries for Strong Men, and leaving weak men with Cancer in the LURCH.

anyway. george mcfeels needs to cut his hair short and trim his beard short. the only way you can rock a long beard or long hair is if you have very strong confidence. if you don’t, it will just make you feel like more of a weirdo. believe me.

also delete any porn vidyas, AND porn pcitures, AND porn bookmarks. get rid of EVERYTHING on your computer and phone and whatever thats porn related whatsoever.

i am SO glad I did that. for a long time i had vowed against saving any files to the computer. that was one step forward, but i still saved bookmarks.

then one day i said fook this filth and deleted all the bookmarks. searched mercilessly for any and all bookmarks and baleeted them. this is what george mcfeels must do.

should he quit drinking? probably. but maybe it does give him some solace. shit sometimes I want to start drinking again! but then I think I’d much rather smoke weed hahahahaha. and also i can’t just drink alcohol. I just think about the shame of getting a damn DUI, shame for myself and family, then the thousands of dollars of fees, the god damn piss tests every week, i just never want to go through that again. the punishment was an effective deterrent in other words.

plus the 2 DUI club is alot different than the 1 DUI club. 3rd DUI is a felony and that is some bad shit. but there is a statute of limitations that is somewhat less than 10 years hehehehe.  doesnt mean the DUI’s go off your RECORD, just that you could get a 3rd DUI and have it not be a felony if its 10 years after the first hehehe.

if I were not an asshole who frequently drank and drove, and just sat and drank at home, well maybe I WOULD still be drinking. If I never got a DUI. but I was always driving after drinking. shit yeah that was stupid and downright EVIL.  that you think youre so much BETTER than everyone, that YOU can get away with this.  I really SHOULD have gotten busted a LOT earlier!

like oh ive driven with a Buzz hundreds of times, I’m pretty GOOD at it!

NOPE.

so yeah I am not worried about drinking again. I would do just about any drug rather than drink alcohol again. I would do HERON before alcohol hahahaha.

but mainly i just wanna smoke weed, but i have trouble getting it because i am an autistic lonely loner, also there’s nothing more shameful than smoking weed when you dont have a JOB hahahahaha.

i just wanna get a job fast so I can start smoking weed again SOON hahaha.

well i would also need to find a Source hehehe.

but i could and should ax this guy I see every week.

heh. you should BE THE TYPE OF MAN YOU WOULD WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO MARRY hehehehe.

easier said than done. credit for that goes to some guy on a recent fatherland episode. I dont think it was jim or bradan, but either otto, salty seaman, or heidrich.

all good guys. even jim hahahahahahaha but jim is autistic as FOOK, i am amazed he is not a 37 year old VIRGIN hehehehe. but if he can get married and have a kid, so can ANYONE. not that he’s a bad guy and deserves a shitty wife. he’s a good guy and deserves a good wife. he’s just SO autistic and women have a REALLY hard time with the tism unfortunately. social awkwardness in general. hehehe maybe his basedwife is really UGLY hehehehehe. no i dont KNOW that.

i listened to foreveralonefeels for about 90 minutes. yeah he sounds tired and despairing but he has more of a sense of humor than i expected and was more likeable than i expected! he was not as bad as i expected! he has worked the same job for 10 years. i wanted him to talk more about that. he is 30 almost 31 now and i guess worked at the public library from age 20 onwards. which is great. i luv the library and would LUV to get a job at the liberry. I have ALERTS to email me the second there is a liberry job available because it is my kind of place.

but there is like 1 part time shelver job that opens per year in the whole state, paying 8.50 an hour for 20 hours a week hahaahaha.

shit all the liberrian jobs are part time and you need a MASTERZ degree for that. believe me i thought that might be a good masterz for me to get. but there are no liberrian jobs out there. i mean it is a SHITTY job market. SO shitty. not worth the 50 grand of getting the masterz degree. unless you are in the top 1% of your class. are you prepared to do that? be in the top 1-5%???? you better be, or you just wasted 50 grand at LEAST.

so….he doesnt give the details I think are really important. what job was he hired into? how many hours per week? job title? how much ya make? did you get ANY PROMOTIONS in TEN YEARS? you SHOULD get TWO promotions in that time at least.

so you live with your fam because you feel a sense of responsibility towards them and appreciate all they did raising you. i understand that completely. BUT do you really make enough MONEY to move out? how much money do you make now?

and I would understand if he doesnt want to say.

i guess his father is looking for a job and has been out of work a while and he goes on interviews and says the interviews go well…..and then he never hears back hehehe. kinda sounds like me. except my interviews dont go “REALLY WELL”, they just go ok. but you feel damn, they dont want to hire an OLD person who has been out of work for a LONG time. you have a STENCH about you.

i would have liked george to take more of that angle.

but he’s a pretty good guy, i would hang out with him, i was thinking about doing a Skype Talk with him ahahahahah.

took some nyquil.

anyway me and him would be good in the beta uprising. but this isnt betas. betas are normie nonvirgins with bitch wives. real neet virgins are OMEGAS hahaha.

anyway i hope he’s not a leftist atheist.

he also likes to go for walks and sometimes he tries to lose weight by going for a RUN. oh wow. good for him.

anyway i would luv to work at a liberry but its next to impossible to find a 14 dollar an hour fulltime job at a library!!! believe me, any job like that would be classified AAAAAAAA+++++++++++ and I would take an hour to make the best application ever.  how did HE get a job like that? which makes me wonder, maybe its just a mickey mouse littleboy part time 8 DAH job that he has. and thats the real reason he lives with his parents hahahahaha. cuz he makes less than 10k a year. thats not a real job!

but i dont judge that, I’ve been in similar positions. my previous job was something similar. and god how i miss it. no nervousness, no stress. but i could only get 25 hours a week and i was making like 9.75 an hour. that’s no job!!! but i loved it. I said DAMN I wish I could work at this 40 hours a week and make just a LITTLE more. like 11 or 12 bucks an hour. I would work here the REST OF MUH LIFE.

so yeah how many hours does he get, what does he make, has he ever been promoted, does he have supervisory POWER over anyone? could you imagine HIM being someone’s supervisor? itd be like ME being someones supervisor!!!!

but yeah i generally liked him and will continue listening. dont know how despairing he is, if he is taking any meds, etc.

also i have been out on “Dates” I guess with gurls. where we hung out, went to dinner, etc. but nothing like that since 2005 hahaha.

well i did hang out with one on one and go to lunch and dinner a lot of times with That Person. but they werent dates because we were not FOOKING hehehe.

its horrible how people can get so out of whack that to me, hugging or cuddling or kissing a woman is SUCH A BIG DEAL, and for some women, fooking (aka the life creation process) is NOT A BIG DEAL AT ALL.

and you feel sick when the person where you hugging them would be SUCH A BIG DEAL, that same person opens their life creator to randoms and its NO BIG DEAL AT ALL.

well I don’t have proof she is being a slut like that.

also she never really DUMPED a person before!!! I was the first major dumping of her whole life!!! she was too scared to deal with it, i can’t handle this, i can’t deal with this, so naturally you shut down, run away, and avoid dealing with it. you give up.

IVE DONE THIS BEFORE, just gave up on projects and shit. but never to a person who was calling out to me.

july 10

yeah I HAVE Just Freaked Out and Just Given Up. Ran Away. It’s EXACTLY what I did to my JOB. it’s the SAME thing she did to ME.

but not REALLY. because one thing was a JOB, the other was a PERSON. PEOPLE are (in theory, and in my opinion) more important than JOBS.

also when I quit the job I made SOME attempt to TALK to them. I didnt just walk out. I had 2 meetings with managers and tried to leave in as dignified and smooth a manner as possible. not just walking out and never coming back. NO CALL NO SHOW. she NO CALL NO SHOWED on me. on a PERSON. and

PEOPLE are more important than JOBS. in theory. cuz jobs dont have hearts that you can break.

on linkedin some comment said the real unemployment rate is not 5%, its closer to 40%, but the BLS is lying with statistics, and the journalists lying. all the employment is low paying seasonal temp part time jobs.

if you look at jobs that pay the average of 28k a year, uhhh of COURSHE the average is gonna be 50% unemployment. cuz in bell curves half of all people are below the average! average is a HIGH BAR to set!!!!!

you can’t have 95% of people get to the average! then you need to move the goalposts hahahaa. set a higher average.

really MY goal is just to be average. no more, more less. make the average american income of 28k a year.  14 dollars an hour.

no more, no less.

‘man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor’

great quote from a comment on the most recent Forever Alone Feels vidya:

also some thoughts that LIFTING is about a MILLION times more effective than nofapping. will get you some easy pussy FAST. WHY ARE YOU NOT LIFTING. DO U EVEN LIFT BRO????

90 days to make something a habit. so LIFT for 90 DAYS and then you will be better. i guarantee it hehehehe.

I left him a brief comment on this vidya hahahaha. not the greatest comment. i dont think it will reach him. i agreed with a guy who recommended Fascism. Now FAF will probably be turned against Fascism, when it could help save him.

and now i cant edit it to add the shit about noporn.

oh well. i will probably give him a small dnation if i continue listening to him.

so yeah, noporn and fascism has been GREAT for me. well not great enough to get me a 14 DAH FT job or a tradwife, but i cant imagine my life without them, and i am very grateful for them.

illuminati? bilderberg group? bohemian grove? masons? come on! ITS DA J00Z, STUPID!!!!! da jooz makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE than the damn illuminati, when it comes to a Secret Society of Superpowerful Elites who Control The World.  Follow the Money to Find a bunch of superrich jooz. very simple. its not a damn CONSPIRACY. well not any deeper than one group trying to protect itself.

what kind of person lets their stupid yapping small dog outside at 4 in the morning on a sunday to bark and bark and bark so it can be heard in a 5 house radius, from 4 to 440 am? 5 minutes is one thing. FORTY minutes is another.

heh. people would PAY to make monster save more than 5 searches. so why wouldnt monster do this? PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO GIVE YOU THEIR MONEY BUT YOU WONT TAKE IT!!1!11!!

this type of nonsense infuriates me about companies. its just too expensive in the short term to do a project that would be ENORMOUSLY useful to your customers.

and in general its very difficult to work with your saved searches. you add them, then they dissapear, then they come back. you dont know if theyre there, or if they are working, and all you want is a damn email when company x posts a new job, which they post like 1 new job every 2 months at most. so you want to make sure yu dont MISS it. cause the company/org itself doesnt let you sign up for job alerts. because that would be too useful of a recruiting tool for them to find super motivated candidates hahahaha. SERIOUSLY!!!!!!

took 2.8 mile walk in bright midday sun on sunday to try to get max sun on pasty arms hehe.

i wonder if forever alone feels george is j00ish, cuz jooz are neurotic and emotional…..but they are also more successful and not usually virgins. he would have banged a jooish slut in college or joo camp or the JCC cuz joos are very clannish like that, its like one big incestuous family where you can bang your slutty 5th cousin removed hehehehe.

you can essentially arrange marriages and arrange jobs thru the wider jooish social network of the JCC. huhwhytes don’t have that, but they SHOULD. huhwhytes are more atomized and bowling alone, like FAF George. see “atomised” by houellebecq hahaha.

since george still drinks, I think he should ask one of these milfs out for DRINKS. then get them drunk and bang them. and of COURSH it will be disappointing. but at least get it over with. dont be like me. where you don’t have enough EXPERIENCE to pull actually DECENT women.

its a LOT easier to get rejected by worthless sluts, than to get rejected by DECENT women.

its the worst to get HARSHLY rejected by a decent woman.

of course, decent woman are more likely to try to be nice when they reject you…..but not all the time hahaha.

anyway i know george has never experienced that! and if he does, he will be sadder than he’s ever been!!

perhaps you should use Benzos as an Enhancer to other drugs. like I hear if you mix benzos and benedryl, you practically fall into a coma hahahahaha. no i am not encouraging this hahahaha. but benzos basically MULTIPLY whatever effect something else has. also benzos can make other things fatal. weird.

but yeah to a foreveralone, a mere HUG from a woman means SO much. when this means literally NOTHING to the normie women. they hug 6 gorillion people a day just to say hello or goodbye. it couldn’t mean LESS. so it’s two VERY, VERY, VERY different ways of experiencing the world. and secs is even worse, because women bring that same sense of casual, shallow meaninglessness to secs that they do to hugging.

WHY THEY GOTTA RUIN EVERYTHING. THEYRE RUINERS.

WOMEN ARE RUINERS hahahahaha.

MAN CANNOT REMAKE HIMSELF WITHOUT SUFFERING, FOR HE IS BOTH THE MARBLE AND THE SCULPTOR. 

that is so good. yes that will be a post title very soon.

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/a/alexis_carrel.html

a quote from alexis carrel, french scientist i have never heard of. I HOPE he is not a J. well, that one quote at least is pretty huhwhyte.

heh. i am glad i am not on facebook, to see white people, white women, probably even HER, doing stupid facebook signalling about how evil and oppressive white cops are and how they deserve to be shot by black animals hahahaha. apparently thats what white people are doing “omg i can even things are really heated right now, i am scared about the way things are doing, we need to stop being so DIVISIVE and just LOVE NOT HATE and step back and LISTEN to Black Voices about Black Lives and what they are TRYING to TEACH us!!!!!”

cuz she was always anti-cop. but I wonder what she is saying about this stuff. WHOSE SIDE WILL SHE TAKE? I will never know. If I knew she were taking the antiwhite side, I would have an easier time writing her off.

but ideally, I would have been a Strong Man For Her, and Guided her down the Pro-White path, as all strong pro-white men do.

But yeah I am willing to Meet Up with Other Local White Racists. the horse is out of the barn. i have no use for spineless white cowards. who wont take their own side when the shit hits the fan. if anything SHOULD wake a person, its this police violence / police killing in dallas. Dallas should wake up a ton of white people, but it’s NOT, they’re just DOUBLING DOWN on laying down and letting themselves be killed. absolutely disgusting. i mean this is race treason. don’t be a fooking race traitor. god damn. i am sure if i were on facebook i would be TRIGGERED TO THE MOON with white Shitlibs falling all over themselves apologizing and flagellating. you’re THIRTY years old, how can you still be a stupid shitlib? Haven’t you Worked in the Real World long enough after college? but for some, nothing will EVER red pill them. also these people have probably been Professionally Successful and Middle Class ever since leaving college, so they never HAVE to be redpilled or blackpilled.

and i think i had a chance at redpilling her, that she might have been open to Race Reality, but like all women, she needs a smart strong man to guide her. and maybe some other lucky white racist man will make her his aryan waifu and have white babies with her.

but who knows. maybe she became a full black lives matter anticop antiwhite race traitor mudshark. i kinda hope she DOES, as punishment for being so cold and callous to me.

i mean i basically TRUSTED her to NOT leave me in the lurch. trusted her to give it to me straight and not leave me hanging.

its okay to be an antiracist antiwhite leftist when you are 18-21 but after 25, it is absolutely inexcuseable. a leftist after age 25, i mean a white leftist, is absolutely pathetic.

nonwhites, fine, I can totally see why they would be leftists. because the left IS antiwhite.

and white cops shooting black thugs is making whites say IM SO SORRY FOR BEING WHITE. we whites are so problematic. we must mix this original sin out of us. police DESERVED what they got in dallas. they brough it on themselves, and they are also Symbolic of Systemic Racism and how Whites Oppress Blacks with White PRivilege.

so whites double down on this shit. day of the rope for these traitors. if you’re over 25 you have no excuse.

this thread overwhelmingly suggests jcpenney over “crappy” places like mens wearhouse or jos a bank if you are wanting to get a decent suit for the Frugal Man. JCPENNEY. I am getting closer and closer.

i mean the next woman i “date” will probably be some slut who i take out for drinks to get drunk and then she fooks on the first or second date and then I do that, am disappointed and disgusted, and certainly not the type of woman i’d want for the mother of muh children! but i guess i should get as many bangs out of her as possible and maybe even try to dump the woman, so i can get experience dumping a woman hahahaha.

course many sluts will have drunken secs with you once or twice, then just avoid you altogether.

avoiding is a typically womanly way of not dealing with shit. tons of women everywhere throw men away by just avoiding them cold turkey. she is certainly not the first or the last. tons of women do this. women are TERRIBLE at actually dealing with anything.

i expected this type of childish behavior from some average trashy slut……NOT HER.

i mean she was a WOMAN who i ACTUALLY GOT ALONG WITH, and DIDNT HATE hehehehehe.

ME. the worlds biggest woman-hater, actually getting along with a WOMAN, like a human being, really WELL. can you believe it? THATS why this was so SPECIAL. THATS why you cant throw it away like trash. that, and because people and relships ARENT TRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DONT TREAT THEM LIKE TRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when you do it can cause a LOT OF PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

psychic pain hahahaha. psychological damage hahahaha.

same thing with secs. yeah it can be very pleasureable (supposedly) but it also has the potential to cause a LOT OF PAIN, and also has the potential to CREATE NEW LIFE, so

BE VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY CAREFUL WITH IT. CAREFUL, NOT CARELESS AND CASUAL.

CARE FULL. FULL.

this is how you have to talk to these bitches hahahaha. just totally mansplain in no uncertain terms. they NEED a man to mansplain very simple things.

yeah getting a proper suit would DEFINITELY be a good confidence booster, even moreso than getting a short haircut.

i may never have children of my own because i may never find a woman i luv who is willing to have muh babies, and yes that is sad. i mean i dont want to have babies with any white slut. well, ok i will maybe do that when I am 70 hahahaha. and i will leave a ton of videos and stuff for the children. vidyas for muh heirs haha.

but say some ugly slut falls in luv with me (hasnt happened yet, hahaha), should I just SETTLE and say this is the best im gonna get, thsi woman is WILLING to have my children, so i should do it?????

i dont WANT to have children with a woman I don’t luv the way I luved HER.

just like I dont WANT to get a masterz degree hahahahaha.

dont WANT to get a job in a call center.

I can try to support white children in other ways. like the creepy bachelor uncle who never had kids of his own haha.

besides, its very likely i’ll never make enough MONEY to take care of CHILDREN, let alone MYSELF!

so yeah feels bad man hahahaha.  no man wants to feel like half a man like that!

but yeah its a bad feel when the woman you wanted to be the mother of your children would rather suck ingra dicks than show you a shred of mercy! yeah this will take much closer to 2 years than 1 year to get over.

its already been 1 year and I can say things are WAY better! this shit youre seeing right now, THATS “WAY” better!

me whining about her in every poast and hating all women! that is actually honestly way better than it was. it really is. cuz now i am much better about applying for jobs, going to interviews, and yeah I really DO think about her a little less.

but yeah i am very cynical and hateful and nihilistic too. except for muh race and muh 14 sacred words. but i dont particularly luv white women either, other than you need them for white tradfams and white babies. but i still think they are jooed as fook, and kinda inferior. i am assmad at them. but i appeciate that they are the only ones who can make white babies, so we kinda NEED them.

women give up and run away from shit ALL THE TIME. you think I am the only person who has been dumped this way? every guy has been dumped this way, probably several times, and every woman has DONE this to a guy, probably several times.

this is how BAD women are at COMMUNICATION. they throw people away rather than communicate with them. yet they are TEXTING ALL DAY with their face in their phones. they communicate ALL DAY EXCEPT when it REALLY MATTERS, then they clam up and run away like bitches.

and my case is WORSE because we were NOT just Fooking for a few weeks after meeting on a Dating/Fooking Website. we were real friends who got along with each other very well because we had a lot in common. so yeah that makes it morally worse, and it makes the PAIN worse.

just saying hahahaha.

you shouldnt fook guys you just met. but if you offer it, dont be surprised when guys take you up on it, and dont be surprised when guys dont consider you dating material. yet STILL women will dump the guys! talk about flipping the script! and the guys are so desperate that they will consdier sluts as dating material! and then get dumped quickly after the sluts quickly offer secs!

JUST BECAUSE YOU NEED SPACE DOESNT MEAN YOU DONT NEED TO COMMUNICATE

june 5

sheeeeeeeeeeeit.

oh wow found technician job with large manufacturer which the previous generations all started wokring with as soon as they were 18, worked 40 years, raiased white families. now to get a job there you have to be a damn super engineer with a great attitude hahahaha. and above average engineering school performance hahaha. gone are the days of working on the LINE for 40 hours a week and making 20 dollars an hour for tightening a screw, and getting fat and drinking on lunch break and having kids in the white suburbs and getting drunk all weekend hahahahaha.

yesterday i learned that the sleeping stuff in nyquil might be correllated with dementia hahaha. the md doing the study recommends not taking it regularly at all. like me taking it several times a week hahaha. might even take it tonight!

http://archive.is/jAc2e

heh. i guess evalion is a wh0re, she broke this little betabois heart. hahahah stay away from wh0res.

any 18 year old cute white gurl who likes showing her face and body on youtube, getting youtube orbiters and fans, and she talks about nazi 1488 stuff…..totally crazy. would mudshark. would cheat and cuck you. should be treated like any other degenerate wh0re: shamed, shunned, avoided, and forgotten. find a GOOD woman, not a SHITTY woman.

yeah just dont trust any woman on youtube saying gas the k1kes. ok i dont mind wife with a purpose, because she doesnt say gas the k1kes, shes like 40 years old, and has 5 kids, and has been with her husbando like 20 years.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/bbc-whites-need-not-apply-for-trainee-position/32816

well daily stormer isnt private yet i dont think.

oh look the ingredient in nyquil isnt the same one in bendryl which causes dementia.

so i dont WANT a gurl like evalion the mudsharking narcissist sociopath bipolar borderline camwh0re. i want a gurl like That Woman wawawaawawa.

and if i had been a stronger healthier more well adjusted man, i could have had her. but i was too weak and she lost all respect for a weak man, AS SHE SHOULD. As All Women DO : Weak Men Don’t DESERVE women, let alone GOOD women.

if i had been better, stronger, more manly…..then i could have KEPT her. I wouldnt have pushed her away with my weakness, and I would have had a good white wife to have beautiful white children with, and we would luv each other till def do us part hahahahahaha.

because women are not like regular adults. they are somewhere between a child and an adult. closer to a child tbhfam hahahaha. and its just bad when an adult leans on a child. the child cant support an adult during the adults time of need.

june 6

had dumb dream with THAT WOMAN, well its been a few days so i guess i can expect 5 straight days of dreams with her hahaha. in this one i saw her and she was civil to me but also cold and emotionless. i was seething with anger below the surface and being very passive aggressive right off the bat. possibly she was Going Back To School. She talked about how she was doing great with her Husband. Oh, your HUSBAND? I didnt know you got married. Well, he’s not my husband yet, havent had the wedding yet.

then she says he works at this place I was at earlier in the dream where I was assisted by a very friendly normie alpha male who was mixed race. But he had strong white features and was tall and strong and quite handsome, except he had mocha brown skin and frizzy hair. He was very friendly and charismatic and confident. Seemed like a decent guy.

I described the guy and she said yep thats him!!!!!!! squeeeeeeeee!!!!!!! And I thought, well it figures she is in luv with a nonwhite hahahaha. but he actually seems ok and is more of a real man than me.  he is going to college to become a NURSE.

10 years ago I would have thought this was gay, but now I respect it. If you get a BSN degree, you can go far in life. ANd it takes a dedicated, hard working person to do that, and usually a moral person too. I know there is a stereotype about nurse women being batshit crazy, but I think the ones doing the more “hardcore” nursing of the BSN are….well they’re still crazy, but I think they are more moral too. not dirty pill popping cheaters.

also the Previous Woman did a BSN and she became hugely successful and had a great work ethic and she was decent to me.

so her HUSBAND was on a good career path. her handsome, big, strong, mulatto husband she was head over heels in love with. she doesn’t do much but hang out with him, she really luvs him.

So you gonna invite me to the wedding? probably not uh? (i was so passive aggressive.)

then she started getting more angry and said NO, because you didn’t even lift a finger to try to stay friends with me, you made no effort to stay in contact with me, I figured you didnt want to be friends anymore,

then I exploded, wrong wrong! I was heartbroken because YOU threw me away like a piece of GARBAGE! I thought YOU wanted nothing to do with me ever again! I was putting effort in and begging you to put effort in, but you just ignored and blocked me!

she just rolled her eyes and said whatever, repeated her thing about me obviously not being invested in the relship, then she ignored me and looked back to her College Studies to indicate this conversation was over, and I was enraged hahaha.

i recall she looked sluttier in the dream and maybe had some tattoos, where in real life she didnt look like a slut at all, and had no tattoos.

so i was furious, and i was being blamed again. i wanted her to admit some responsibility. not blame it all on me.

there was an earlier part of the dream, after I saw her big tall strong handsome mulatto Husbando, then I actually saw her in some back office, where she was working peacefully near this other woman I went to grade school with, who I should have pursued because she seemed like a really nice gurl hahahahaha. when we were 12 and 13 years old.

somehow we were talking about religion of all things, and I was like, so you guys like MARY? The Blessed Virgin Mary, Mother Of God?

and they were both like, no, not really, don’t really care for MARY that much, I can take her or leave her, pretty indifferent tbh, no big deal, idk, ikr, lol.

and I was just dumbfounded at this casual attitude towards MARY. i thought it was kinda disrespectful and disgusting.

of course, only CATHOLICS put a huge emphasis on MARY. I imagine other christians just dont think about Mary much. but STILL. the womens attitude in this dream seemed more disrespectful than some protestant who doesnt think about Mary a lot.

maybe it symbolizes how I really like Mary and she is my role model for Women. so it REALLY rustled muh jimmies to hear women saying, yeah i dont really care about Mary. Cuz essentially Mary is my IDEAL WOMAN hahahahaha.

heh. if someone wants SPACE from you, its ALSO their responsibility to define that SPACE and tell you exactly what they want you to do or dont do. and not use it as an excuse to avoid you indefinitely and avoid talking about your mutual issues indefinitely.  thats not SPACE, thats RUNNING AWAY. dont RUN AWAY and call it NEEDING SPACE. you have to COMMUNICATE.

yeah you can push away someone who initially just wanted space……but taking the space and never communicating looks a lot liek running a way. fook looks like, it IS running away.

go ahead, take your SPACE…….but COMMUNICATE!!!!!!!

just because you have space doesnt mean you get to treat the person with SILENT TREATMENT and avoiding!

because you want to know whats going on and i wanted space, now YOURE the bad guy and I get to upgrade my Space to the Silent Treatment and Blocking you entirely!

you want space, youre gonna have to show some GOOD FAITH and give some sort of detailed statement. write me a damn two page paper. more than 5 sentences. be sure to include a time when this ends. stop hiding shit from me. i will give you space but you gotta tell the WHOLE truth.

un fookin believable. pay 5 dollars to get a PDF of my Official Transcript but then it EXPIRES after like 7 or 8 weeks. 50 days I think. WOW. JUST WOW. And now I can’t get back into my own fooking transcript that I paid 5 dollars for a fooking pdf.

well I dug up an “unofficial” transcript. damn.

heh. now I have a 10 page “PACKET” that includes:

long resume, long cover letter, list of references, 2 letters of recommendation, and now “unofficial” transcripts of university undergrad and “postbacc” 70 credits of “useful” business and “IT” classes at “College.”

sending this shit out for 10 dollar an hour jobs hahahaha.

maybe that woman is going back to skool to finish her bachelors degree so she can get a better job and doesnt have to work in a 15 dollar an hour call center the rest of her life hahahaha. while her mulatto husband gets a BSN and they are madly in luv with each other forever.

OH WAIT, THAT PART ISNT REAL.

That’s another problem with these dreams. they are essentially more real to you than the reality, because this is all you get.

i just hate getting BLAMED FULLY for this. I dont mind sharing the blame. I will admit some responsibility. but i really want her to admit some responsibility too. don’t blame this ALL on me. im not even sure shes doing that. And I will NEVER be sure.

ooosh only 3 jobs applied today. looking at the jobs and feeling very low confidence. bad.

ok 4. with some “hip” outdoor company that asks what kind of music do you like on the fooking application. fooking phaggots. music is for DEGENERATE PHAGGOTS.  i was honest and told them the sick metal I listened to, because metal is now Cool and Gainfully Employed Millennials Like Metal, and also told them the Cool Guy Nonmetal stuff as well.

DESPAIR FORUM POST

Bless you for being willing to be there for him and to stand by him during this tough time! It warmed my heart to hear that there are people like you in the world. Depression is such a big factor in the end of so many relationships, and so often, it seems like the depressed person is blamed for pushing the other person away, or expect the other person to “fix” them or “cure” them, etc.

And I am sure this does indeed happen! At the same time, however, I am a big fan of making an effort to solve problems, and making an effort to communicate about things, and to put in the work to improve a relationship, rather than just dumping a person and leaving them in the lurch. So I am glad you are giving him a chance, rather than saying “Not my problem! You’re too much to handle! I’m done with you!”

BUT severely depressed people CAN be overbearing on their partners! And I think he is responsible for communicating with you. I have a pet peeve about silent treatment. I hate people ignoring and avoiding me. You can have space, but don’t try to avoid me indefinitely. I can’t read your mind. (I guess I am speaking to someone who recently hurt me by dumping me using avoiding and the silent treatment.)

Anyway, I am the world’s biggest fan of communication, and that would clearly be a very important thing to do here. But how do you make someone communicate, who doesn’t WANT to communicate, when you are very much wanting to communicate with them?!?! I wish I could tell you. I had the same problem. It seems like the classic “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.”

So maybe let him know you will be there for him, but you are really worried, and starting to become frustrated, and you would really appreciate if he communicated with you after X days of “space.”

I don’t have a problem with needing space, but when the other person uses “space” as an excuse to avoid communication indefinitely……that infuriates me! And “space” is NOT a valid reason to avoid communication indefinitely. Ideally, the person who wants space, would also agree to communicate throughout the period of space, and also agree on a firm date when the “space” would come to an end.

I wonder if he would be willing to write you emails while he is having his “space?” I am a big fan of writing emails because a lot can be said in them. Important stuff that one might be too nervous to say face to face. Sometimes I get so emotional or afraid that I can’t say what I want to say, how I want to say it. So I prefer writing the person a long letter or email. Maybe he would be willing to do that. He’s got to be willing to do SOMETHING. Maybe he’s not strong enough to “meet you halfway”, but if he can’t meet you at least 1% of the way, then the relationship becomes totally one-sided.

I know if I were having problems with a loved one, I would be desperate to do whatever it took to keep them from leaving me, hahaha. I really don’t like being left, haha. But something like making an appointment with a therapist and having a group meeting, so the therapist can ideally help communication between both parties. Of course, me being willing to do this still wasn’t enough to keep the other person from leaving me. If they want to leave….there’s nothing you can do to stop them.

Sorry, that sounded terrible! I am just coming out of a relationship where the person was not willing to put in any effort, and I was willing to do whatever it took to save the relationship. They left me, and I was ridiculously devastated for months.

Anyway good for you to be willing to make some effort during the tough times, but also try not to let him have power over you with his silence and stubbornness. Easier said than done I know! Maybe he would be willing to write you emails and to give SOME kind of meaningful communication while he is having his “space.”

Good luck and please keep us posted!

END POST

woman dealing with her desparing boifran, who has clammed up and wants space and she wants to support him but he wont talk, and she is afraid and frustrated. I was just glad she was WILLING TO PUT IN EFFORT and didnt just say pffft fook this shit ima find a stronger better man, this should be all fun all the time. a woman willing to STAND BY HER MAN through GOOD TIMES AND BAD. that is a damn beautiful thing.

i dont want to get in a rel with anyone because i cant imagine WANTING to get in a rel with anyone but HER even though i havent seen her in 11 months hahahaha.

i can envision banging sluts though. casual hangouts. this IS degenerate  but its 6000000 times more degen for the women than the men. i dont need to tell YOU why, but I do need to Mansplain to Women: Because Women Can Get Preggers!

and this is why so many people do casual secs, because they dont WANT a rel, and it hurts to think SHE is doing exactly that, having casual secs with guys because she doesnt want a rel. she is out there being a degen slut when i wanted her to be waifu 4 lyfe, mother of muh white children. she is just a casual slut. and most women are. or go through large periods of their life where they are casual sluts. same thing.

and i can’t even talk to the other 30 year old virgin males on despair forums who talk about maybe trying to practice on MILFs from tinder, without catladies on DF saying dont dehumanize them and treat them like low hanging fruit!

in other words women causing drama because they dont know what to say to men with Gurl Problems. This stuff needs to be in a MEN ONLY forum because women really have nothing useful to say here. They either Shame, or they give useless, wrong, if well-intentioned, “advice.” they cannot possibly understand what the man is going through. but other men, like me, DO. i give them much better advice hahaha. like i hear ya man, its rough, ive been through the same thing, women think im weird and i havent made out with a gurl in 10 years and even back then they thought my lack of experience was weird. so i say bend the truth and just try to get some experience with this milf. there will probably be stupid drama and flakeouts, but it will be some experience and hopefully you learn a little more about dealing with women’s bullshit and can be more confident when you approach more attractive women later.

and if 40 year old catladies read that, they go rabble rabble rabble and get all butthurt hahahaha. i mean i can totally see why. they cant handle the truth, thats why hahahahahahaha. the truth hurts. yeah the truth hurts me too. basically that i am not valuable enough to pull a woman as valuable as THAT WOMAN. she was OUT OF MUH LEAGUE. and i thought that her having no father, and her fam being a slightly lower Social Class than my fam, would help my odds a little bit, hahaha.  maybe if she were a huge slut, were a few years older, and had at least one kid, then THAT would help, hahahaha. oy vey.

 

 

 

 

MECHANICAL SARACEN

may 18

had a weird scary dream, technically nightmare, where one of my old school friends had gone completely insane and was K’ing people with a knife, and he had taken me hostage, and I wondered if I could leverage his appreciation of me to let me live, let me go free, or if he was gonna go all the way and K me and K himself hahaha. great dream hahahaha. but at least it didnt involve That Woman at all.

ok today have to Do Due Diligence Research on the County Department so I have intelligent questions to ask when I go in there TOMORROW. yikes. how corrupt is your department. how often do you shut down the average little guy, while taking bribes from oil rich arabs hahahaha. let them take a stinky hummus dump on your daughterz face. hahaha. selling bonds to the chicoms. forcing nonrich whites out while welcoming nonrich section 8 nonwhites in by the truckload hahaha.

there is really a lot of technical shit regarding water resources, water vs sewage and spillways and watersheds and infrastructure and the department heads are all Civil Engineers. I guess given time I could memorize the technical shit on the website but even still there are questions of “WHY tho. that doesnt really answer my question. it just brings up more questions. like why does it HAVE to be that way” which are not answered by the FAQs haha. I guess bring up 2 of those questions in the interview on my part hahahaha.

https://www.mturk.com/mturk/welcome

amazon has this thing with the weird name of mechanical turk where you can do tasks for pennies hahahaha.

i signed up immediately with my amazon account but i need to wait 48 hours for them to approve me darn.

maybe they wont because i bought racist books off amazon haha.

but really it would be too expensive to pay someone to screen me.

or, to buy software that could screen my history against a list of known racist authors hahahaha. get databases and shit to match up, api’s to plug into each other, whatever the fook. so that they could even say, check this guy’s amazon purchases to see if he ever bought a book by david duke or kevin macdonald hahahaha.

how the FOOK are there over TWO HUNDRED employees in this county department. that is several times larger than the department at my last job, and I thought that was big.

so would this be a better job than the post office? well how much do they PAY? how much of the job is damn customer service and Phones? how easy are the phone calls?

also its a 24 mile drive one way hehehe. yikes.  and there is a lot of confusing stuff. i mean yeah i can memorize stuff with flashcards though.

wish i had more certainty about the post office though. heh. i mean it seemed at least 50%. thats what I will tell the county water dept.

to that woman:

i wish you had cared more about My Feelings. to even let me tell you how I felt. but nooooooo.  I just wanted to be heard by you, rather than denied that chance altogether.

also i know Im not entitled to anything. but I wish i was more important, more valuable to you. when you know someone for 2.5 years, its really hard to believe that I left NO impact on you. that you were not invested in me AT ALL. that i meant NOTHING to you and you could just delete me like that. I know thats just not true. I think I DID mean something to you, but i just dont know how much. I know you are too scared to tell me and I wish you had more courage. just tell me that I meant something to you and made an impact on your life. I hope it was a good impact.

i know it ended badly but i really didnt want it to end that way. I was inviting you to talk to me and you never responded to those invitations. there was nothing more I could do without being invasive. Your silence told me that you didnt want to respond. I am not entitled to anything, but I believe that 2.7 years of friendship should “entitle” me to more than absolute silence.

just be willing to listen to me, appreciate this is painful for me, and try to be nicer to me when you are ending this relationship. didnt I mean ANYTHING to you? did I really mean that LITTLE to you? I dont think so. I just think you dont have the COURAGE to be more of an adult about this.

the end for today hahahaha

also its stupid that she treated other men better. she let THEM argue with her. she wouldnt even ARGUE with me. was it because she was SCARED, or DISGUSTED? ILL NEVER KNOW!!!!!!

yet it matters to me, because I would MUCH rather that she was scared like a cowardly animal running away, rather than disgusted by me, the monstrous unlovable weirdo.

ate quesadilla at social event. went 500 calories over budget. it is just SO easy to do. burned 1000 calories at fatness today. saw the woman I see there sometimes around 1:30 pm on wednesdays hahahaha. she is one of my favorite gurls. nice long arms and legs. def not shaped like a potato. she is totally out of my league but also not under 25. she seems bitchy hahaha. i imagine her as being russian or something. she has pale white skin but dark black hair. that is kinda troubling to me. i really hope she is not arab or albanian. i really dont think so.  i like to think i have a better radar of that sort of thing. i should go talk to her but i am terrible and terrified of approaching women. also i have no confidence for that sort of thing.

certainly THAT WOMAN has no shortage of guys APPROACHING her.

but that is the birthright of every woman.

i dont disparage that, i just disparage women who DENY it hahaha. who say “this double standard is a sexist myth. men and women are the same. women cant get pregnant. men can get sex just as easily as women. men can get pregnant too.” hahahahahaha see what i mean? these peopel are stupid as shit, but theyre not so stupid to ever say “men can get pregnant too.”

so how did i approach her? I dont remember AT ALL. there was absolutely NO concerted effort of me to approach. she was the new employee at my job so….i actually did probably approach her and ask if she had any questions, or more likely I was trying to reassure her and say theres nothing to worry about, this job is easy, and fun, so just chill out and dont worry. everyone is nice and i am nice and you dont have anything to worry about. I will help you if you ever have any questions. just relax.

and then we probably got to talking about music early on, and found we had some similarities there, well at least I knew enough to hold a conversation. because her preferred music was not stupid pop or hip hop or hipster shit but stuff I actually knew.

no of course she did not listen to type o negative or NILE, hahahahaha. well, she might have HEARD of TON, plenty of people have. not sure if she was a huge fan. she neer mentioned them. neither did I tho. well see I would prefer a woman who DIDNT like TON because only 30 year old goth sluts like TON. and nile? i mean i only mention these two groups because I’ve been listening to a lot of both of them lately, but the two bands could not be MORE dissimilar. basically goth metal rock and brutal technical death metal. night and day but I like them both. but WOMEN who like stuff like this are usually WEIRD and are better off avoided.

may 20

good lord i got so obsessed with doing amazon mechanical turk “HITs” and making 50 cents an hour that I didnt even write about MUH INTERVIEW, or anything else.

yeah interview went OK and was probably the best so far of any interview. the guy was very nice and friendly. it lasted at least 45 minutes and I actually presented myself fairly well, fairly confidently, like a pretty good normie actually. but the job is admittedly 75% inbound phones. a phone queue taking calls for BILLING on water bills. some expectation of angry, unreasonable customers.

if it were a “back office job” i would be more amenable. if it were less than 25 mile drive one way. if there werent a lot of calls from poor blacks who just want to argue and call you a racis hahaha was an implication they gave. many calls from the shitty ghetto black city in the county. maybe if it was just 50% phones rather than 75% phones. it takes 40 minutes to get there with no traffic. prob take 80 minutes with traffic. one way.

i did ok in the interview, well, i forgot to ask what the PAY was!!!!!! that was my glaring omission. but for most of the 45-50 minutes I composed myself rather well and presented a very normie, confident, competent, conscientious, smart demeanor hahaha. so in other words I have at least a 50% chance of getting an offer!

BUT……I am very ambivalent about wanting the job. regarding the longass drive, and the heavy phone aspect. 75% is better than what I was used to….but I really want more like 50%.

i guess that was the lesson I learned from this interview. 75% phones is not good enough for me.

although I would probably pick this one over the tech support health care call center job because they sounded pretty lax on their metrics. no strict metrics. some flexibility there. but its still so far away and its still 75% phones and its going to largely be hostile blacks demanding explanations that will never be good enough. its not technically a CALL CENTER….but its basically a Mini Call Center with 8 people answering phones out of a Automated Queue. On Headsets. Its a call center, albeit a Mini one. where the call agents are blessed with 25% nonphone work.

if it were closer, I might consider it. it would prob be BETTER than my previous job.

I came home and wrote a thank you email, even though I didnt REALLY want the job, I figured it was the right thing to do. just write them a brief thank you email and then I can turn down any offer for whatever bullshit reason i want.

then I saw I was approved by mturk and then I got wrapped up in that, doing retarded “HIT’s” like a chinese ant-man. But it is interesting, at least for a few days. no way to make a living, but I have made more money in 2 days than I have in like a year playing Poker, where I am Down. Here I am Up. 2 dollars so far. hahaha.

there was one thing where you transcribe german names out of scans of an old german phone book and type the names, occupation, house number, and floor number into a spreadsheet. they paid 7 dollars to transcribe like 1000 names. It literally would have taken 8 hours to complete the “HIT.” (Human Intelligence Task.) 7 dollars for 8 hours of “work” hahahaha. I started doing it and wasted about an hour and then said fook this shit. they need to break this shit up. and offer more money. but 7 dollars for 8 hours of work would be AWESOME for an indian.

I am sure i will get bored of Mturk but it is nonetheless good to have something that even vaguely looks like work tasks. complete with confusing, overlong, but underdescriptive instructions, and no way to ask for clarification hahaha. but some of the tasks are somewhat interesting. like the german phone book was in theory intersting. or this one where you use developer mode of chrome to look for fraudulent affiliate links. the instructions dont explain the WHY of that but I would be curious to know.

HA! I took a social psych study by some anti white marxists doing phdz at umass amherst and was glad they offered a comment box. I wrote a Book:

As a former psychology student and lifelong amateur psychologist, I enjoy reading about and participating in psychology studies. I am also very interested in race and race relations, but I am certain I approach them from a diametrically opposite position than most psychology researchers and university students and faculty. As a young college student I was very liberal and interested in social justice and anti-racism. As I grew older, I became markedly more conservative and also what would be called racist. I don’t think there is any causational effect between the two, however, although there may well be a correlation. In other words, the more conservative one is, we should NOT expect the person to therefore be more racist.

However I identify as having controversial views anyway. I am interested in ideas of white privilege and as a college student 10 years ago at a very left-leaning major university, I can attest to having been somewhat indoctrinated into that mindset. I view it as being young, naive, and wanting to fit in on my part. As I grew older, I maintained my interest in race, which will probably be a lifelong interest, but I began changing my views on race, and indeed, would be considered a hateful racist by most educated, middle-class, professional people. For this reason I keep my views private, because I know racist views can have real effects on one’s career and social life. I don’t think many people would be open to hearing my point of view. There are growing communities online where people discuss the “racial red pill.”

Basically I believe race is NOT a social construct, as is promoted in the university, and that there are definite, measurable differences in intelligence and behavior between races that cannot be explained away by societal causes. However I do believe there are important societal pressures as well.

I consider myself a kind and empathetic person and most believe that all humans are equal in terms of moral, spiritual value. However I do have an affinity for my “team” and view other Whites as my ingroup, and in generally prefer to associate with people of my ingroup. I don’t have anything against other races, but I must wonder if full racial integration really is the best way to go. I am rather segregationalist and nationalist. Some thinkers (either Steve Sailer or Heartiste, but echoed by many others in the “alt-right”, a movement which is gaining attention in 2016 but which will probably be misunderstood wildly by the media and consumers of this media) say “diversity + proximity = conflict”.

In other words, pushing different races and cultures to integrate might be like hammering a square peg into the round hole, destroying both the peg and the hole. It might be more of a win-win to encourage segregation than massive integration.

Or, integration is only beneficial in small proportions, and situations like the refugee crisis in Europe represent an unsustainable “growth” of multiculturalism.

Basically I question the value of extreme multiculturalism, and I wish I had been exposed to these ideas while in college. I believe a very healthy, rigorous debate could be had in the academic setting, but there are currently very few academics willing to challenge the intellectual status quo, which is undeniably Marxist. (Just saying the word “Marxist” will signal me as “rabid right wing racist”!) But having some contact with PhD studies in Psychology and Critical Theory, we can’t really deny the Marxist foundations of influential thinkers like Foucault, Adorno, Marcuse, third-wave feminists, bell hooks. Forgive me for not coming up with more names, it has been a while since I abandoned my own desire to enter academia, influenced largely by what I viewed as its intellectual dishonesty and myopia, and to the authors of this study I mean no offense. However, as Social Psychology PhD students, I am certain you encounter the political aspects of your work every day.

Anyway, I find these studies interesting, but that also my viewpoint is very unique (and very probably statistically insignificant!), but I would love to see well-known universities like UMass Amherst engage “alt-right” thinkers and theories in an open, honest, civil fashion. See Richard Spencer, Kevin MacDonald, Greg Johnson, Millennial Woes, Charles Murray, Pat Buchanan, Taki’s Mag, many more).

hey at least i got paid 50 cents for that! hahahaha. well, not for my UNSOLICITED RACIST OPINION, but for me answering bullshit antiwhite questions.

oooh just got rejection for part time job at local college which I applied to a month ago. an offer has been made and the candidate accepted it. they did not call me for an interview or assessment whatsoever. WEIRD that i cant even get an interview for a part time job, but other places, I can get a full time job with NO interview (shitty tech call center), or have a good chance at getting a full time job with one brief interview (post office, negroes complain mah beelz too high, yall are prejudice, i shouldnt have to pay for mah water, its a basc human right.)

well….maybe water IS a basic human right, but I dont want my JOB to be listening to people complaining about that, and me saying yep it is what it is what it is what it is.

i mean shit. I have no problem answering the phone. but a HIGH VOLUME of phone calls? NO. i’m not talking about sitting there waiting for the phone to ring. I am talking about being ON A CALL. i do not want to be ON A CALL more than 50% of my shift. period.

I dont have a problem with giving in person service. or waiting there for someone who needs service. hahaha. the waiting is great. or doing Tasks not immediately serving a customer. thats ok too.  doing a High Intelligence TASK hahahaha.

oh god heres some more shit i wrote:

Capturing people’s perceptions about Muslims and other groups in the US. Measuring attitudes and beliefs. Once upon a time I considered doing a psychology PhD because I am interested in studying these types of questions as well. I suspect there is a hypothesis that more conservative people are also more prejudiced, or hostile against immigrant or nonwhite groups. As a White conservative, I abhor the idea of having a “victim complex”, however I also don’t want White conservatives to be linked with negative character traits by liberal academics, either.

I identify as being somewhat racist, and I think it’s normal, healthy, and desirable for all people to be a little bit racist. I think it’s a bit absurd the notion put forth by academics, the media, and other middle-class professionals that to be racist is the single worst cardinal sin of our time. I disagree. Certainly to be a violent racist extremist is absolutely a bad thing. But racial awareness, and understand racial differences, I think is simply a mature, responsible, reasonable thing to do, rather than to pretend all people are the same. I wish that “celebrating diversity” had much more of a component of recognizing differences.

I am well aware that not all Muslims are violent terrorists, just like not all White conservatives are violent hate-crime perpetrators. Violence is certainly repulsive to me personally, and I think all human lives have equal value. However, I do identify closely with my racial in-group, which is Whites (European descent), and I look out for the interests of this group moreso than I do the interests of other groups. I find European identity very valuable and I would like it to be preserved into the future. The idea of a “world without race” does not appeal to me.

Perhaps I benefit from “White Privilege” , but in general, I do not like the anti-white, anti-European sentiments in the media and especially in the university.

I am very friendly to everyone I meet, including nonwhites. I keep my racist views very private because I know how socially unacceptable they are. I wish this were not so, and that every race were encouraged in being “a little bit racist.” I would not like to live in a minority-white neighborhood, that is, I prefer to live amongst a majority of other Whites, and I personally have no interest in interracial dating, and I prefer women who share my views here.

My views are probably shaped by the fact that I grew up near a mainly-Black city. The nonwhite ethnic groups I have the most contact with currently are Blacks, Arabs (both Muslim and Christian), and Albanians (mostly Christian.)

I believe one’s personality is at least 60% genetically determined, but things such as one’s childhood, religion, and social class do play a significant role.

I live near a large communities of Arab Muslims. There have been no significant reports of extremist activity from this region during my lifetime. It seems that terrorist extremism is a fairly recently phenomenon. I certainly don’t recall anything of this nature before the late 1990s, and first hearing about bin Laden and such, and then of course since 9/11, terrorism has been a permanently fixture in the news. Is this just because the media and government is choosing to focus on Islamic terrorism more? Has it always been there? I tend to think it is on the rise, at least in western nations, and that we are right to be concerned about it.

So in other words, Muslims who have peacefully lived among us for 20, 30 years I think are very low-risk, but we do have to pay attention to new Muslim migrants and immigrants, since I believe violent extremism is going to be much more prevalent in the younger generation of Muslims.

I am kind of an outlier for your study I’m sure, as a self-identifying White conservative racist with vocal opinions on race. I would certainly be viewed as a “racist redneck” by middle-class professionals. But by all accounts I am a pretty normal person, and I don’t talk about these controversial topics unless with very close friends or family, or in pseudonymous research studies!

I agree with you these are all very important topics. I agree that 99% of Muslims are peace-loving people and productive citizens. But I see no reason to throw the doors open for large numbers of Muslim migrants. I don’t understand why countries like Saudi Arabia or Oman or Turkey are not placed at the highest priority for receiving migrants. Why does it have to be US, Sweden, Germany? There are also troubling stories of migrants being mainly young men. I would be much more sympathetic to women and children and the elderly.

Good luck with your study! I don’t mean to be difficult or hostile. But I do naturally find some friction when taking research studies from social sciences, psychology, political science, sociology, etc, where the research authors probably have political views diametrically opposed to my own, and are probably trying to prove hypotheses very different that what I would try to prove. But I am happy to talk at length about race and politics!

hehehe the end. i am gettng my blogging out by doing paid studies and then writing my racist opinions in the comment boxes, to marxist leftist phds making more money than i ever will, by doing studies to show how horribly racist white racists like me are!

Great questions here, which people have been asking since the dawn of time, including myself. I think people are 60/40 nature/nurture. I don’t believe in a “blank slate.” I believe genetics and race has a strong influence on people’s personalities, but so does their upbringing. People do have the ability to change as adults, but the older you get, the harder it is I believe, and the less likely and harder it is for them to change. But with strong will and good support system, it can be done. I do believe in good and evil, and that mostly good people can do evil things, and vice versa. We are basically the sum total of the moral decisions we have made. Great study, I am very interested in morality, personality, and nature/nurture. I think there is some forces we can’t control, but some things we can. I do believe in free will….to an extent. However even if a criminal or bully was abused as a child, they are still to “blame” for their cruel behavior later. It might explain their behavior, but does not justify it whatsoever. Many people who are abused break that cycle of abuse and do not go on to abuse other. Not sure how many.

a more interesting study on morality, free will, blame, self determination, nature and nurture. how you think of a bully when you learn he was abused as a child, and thats why hes a huge asshole now. doesnt make that ok though.

Interesting study. I only recently discovered MTurk and wonder sometimes about the average MTurker. I am also personally interested in the subject of NEETs and would like to see more academic studies on NEETs, especially the internal thoughts and feelings, psychological problems, self confidence, life experiences of NEETs. I am not a NEET but I have come close. In this way I might not represent an “average person” and therefore might be considered statistically insignificant to your study.

comment on a study asking about a time I wielded POWER. I responded that I hadn’t wielded power at all really, and kind of feel powerless, and it sucks!

 

Personal experience
In this part, we are interested in a personal experience of yours.

Please recall a time when you acted in such a way that you felt guilty or ashamed.

Perhaps you were disloyal to a friend, were greedy when you should have shared, were mean to someone for no particular reason, or uncaring toward someone who needed you.

Please describe the situation: When was it, who was involved, what did you do, how did you feel?

You can write as much as you like:::::::

I felt extremely guilty and ashamed recently when a relationship ended suddenly and intensely. I am a male and had a female friend who I became quite close with over the course of several years. At this late point, I started to develop more romantic, intimate feelings towards her, and hoped that she felt the same way and we could become more than friends. She clearly did not feel the same way. I invited her to talk about this difficult situation so we could try to smooth things over and have open communication with each other, but she was unwilling to meet or to have a conversation with me, and our complicated friendship ended immediately. Her complete unwillingness to talk to me or even listen to me made me feel that I had done something horribly wrong, like betray her trust. I felt treated like a bad person, so I felt like I was a bad person who had done a bad thing. I felt completely to blame for the way the relationship ended. But I was also very conflicted, because I knew rationally that I hadn’t really done anything wrong or hurtful, albeit it was awkward and uncomfortable. It took me a long time to accept that I was not a bad person who did a horrible thing. It’s very important to me to be a nice, kind, good, moral, trustworthy person. I would never intentionally betray someone. So to be treated like I had betrayed a friend made me feel horrible. It took months for me to begin to accept that I had NOT done something horrible, and that my former friend shared some responsibility for the way this relationship ended. I was not expecting them to return my feelings; but I did really want them to just sit down and talk with me, or at least communicate with me somehow. People do have the power to exit a relationship in a way that minimizes pain for the other person. I feel she did not make any effort to do that. I still feel self-blame, like if I hadn’t developed special feelings, I never would have pushed her away like that. But I also feel upset that she could have reacted a little more compassionately. It was a time of tremendous pain that took at least 9 months to get over.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

ENTITLED TO AWWWWWW IM SORRY

may 16

went to the post office city carrier assistant 1 interview. there were about 20 candidates there. at least 50% were blaqq. I dont say that with any sort of judgement, just stating a fact hahaha. i get along with blaqs just fine on the job. i wouldnt really care if…..well i would probably care a little bit if 50% of my coworkers were blaq. In terms of the politics in a govt job, I wouldnt know how to handle it. Do I outwork the blaqs? Do I try to get my work to blend in with the quality of the blaqs? dont want to be the uptight white boy rocking the boat and showing everyone up.

there was one sort of semi cute white woman there. maybe about 25, cute in that plain sort of way. I should have asked her out on a date right there but I was caught off guard, was not expecting this. Also I saw a ring on her left hand but it looked like a pretty cheap ring. also do wedding/engagement rings go on the left hand?

but yeah. cute in that plain jane way that I like. white n nerdy hahahaha. but not in that IM SUCH A NERD DORK LOL. like i say i was not expecting this at all. she was not super young but not super old. and not super hawt. so, she MIGHT possibly be in my league in other words. and she was not fat. not Ripped but def not fat. so, the perfect gurl for me hahahaha.

anyway I talked to this guy for about 10 minutes. I was nervous and stupid and tried to answer the questions but my GOD I do HORRIBLY at interviews. Gave him a 1 page resume, list of 4 references, 1 rec letter. got his actual email address and sent him a thank you message attaching those things and ANOTHER letter of rec. looked up his name and saw that he made 79k a year as a Postmaster in a nice white city. horry sheet. but he was really nice and put me at ease a little.  did not bust my balls whatsoever, no tough questions really, shit they just had to move through 20 pieces of meat out there hahahaha.

the people (candidates) were generally better dressed than I expected. plenty of the young men were wearing ties and suit coats. then I forget that blaqs usually like to get dressed up nice in their sunday best, and are often Sharp Dressers. Whereas Low-Confidence Whites like me wear shabby old suit coats that dont match the pants hahahaha. blacks do not dress like ghetto thugs all the time hahaha.

anyway that woman was not super cute, not as good looking as That Woman, quite a bit Mousier. but when I first met That Woman I thought she looked kind of Mousey too. and did not recognize her striking beauty hahaha. All I saw was the weird things about her face and body. like her weird chin, her bulging eyes, wrinkly crows feet, big nose, cheap shoes, acne prone skin, hahaha. then later I came to love all these things. I liked her imperfections and weirdness and wouldnt change a thing about her physically. all the things i thought were neutral or had no opinion on or thought would make getting physical with her WEIRD, I eventually enjoyed these things. wanted to make out with her pimply horseface hahahaha.

yeah i mean i WILL get over this, it just WILL take a VERY long time. when your heart is broken, it takes a long time to heal. when theres a HUGE void in your life, it takes a LONG time to heal. at LEAST a year. PROBABLY MORE.

so anyway you can survive through that year, do it. eating, drinking, smoking, benzos, MJ, pain pills, sleeping, nyquil. for a full fookin year. heck develop a drug habit, that will give you a more important thing to worry about than a broken heart hahahaha.

just try not to become a huge fatass. well i guess if you do, you can still lose weight “quickly” by starving yourself hahaha.

i have hit such a huge plateau on losing weight. I have lost 19-20 pounds and cant seem to lose any more. so stupid. I would like to lose 10 more pounds at least.

chronic pain is the easiest excuse for medical MJ. just say you have had chronic pain in your back the past few months.

getting in habit of taking nyquil every 2 days now. great. i would MUCH rather be sm0king w33d.

may 17

jeez get call about county job interview for the other county over. technically the richer better county. but its definitely got some shitty areas too hahahah. yuge income disparity there. dont even remember applying for this job. turns out it is PROBABLY from a pool i applied to in october. finally getting a call in MAY. horry sheet.

water department. well if it is taking calls all day from people bitching about their water bills and me saying i dunno, it is what it is, uhhhh supervisor is not available. then…..that would suck. also what would it pay compared to post office. post office actually pays pretty good.

but yeah I was blindsided by the county hahaha. i got a call at 920 am and was half asleep and thought i dont even remember applying for this, what job is this again?

so go do that bullshit on thursday, 2 days from now. cant wait till MJ is legal hahahaha. yeah its degenerate but i can make excuses for myself to use it. as long as you are not part of the degen stoner community, thats a good move. and I surely am not.

was thinking about the music of nile again, and how it is just confusing riff after confusing riff, and it reminded me of my job and my jumbled confused mind. just one thing after the other that you did not understand, pummeling you into submission. however nile is be much more fun and enjoyable. but just the sense of “i have no idea whats going on here, this is too much, too fast, too confusing.”

was out running errands and I saw a super qt 18 year old gurl with a kinda scumbag looking white guy with a neck tattoo. well at least he was white.

later I saw like a 16 or 17 year old white high school girl with her black boifran and his other black friend. one of those white trash high school gurls that prefers hanging out with the Blacks even from that young age. there is no hope for something like that. she’s not rebelling against anything, rather she probably had a horrible childhood and has no father to rebel against. totally lost cause. very sad.

the high school down the street has a reputation for having a bad Painkiller/Heroin problem, hahaha. imagine that. 17 year old high school qt’s getting strung out on heron and then having 3 ways with some lucky scumbag who can supply them with pain pills. banging 17 year old gurls up the ass hahahahaha. i mean 18 year old. plenty of white gurls too.

when i was in high school, painkillers were not NEARLY as big of a thing. also, we had “ecstasy” instead of Molly. I never tried any of that stuff. the ecstasy and molly I mean. I dabbled with some painkillers and luved it hahaha. keep me away from those. high potential for addiction hahaha.

does it give women confidence to know they are attractive to men, even somewhat similarly to how being attractive to women gives MEN confidence? i imagine it gives them at least a LITTLE confidence. maybe not as much because they dont need to DO anything, it isnt as much of a struggle, and it’s always there, so they learn to take it for granted, cuz its EASY to  find a supply of guys to fook, date, cuddle. but for omega males, its hard to find women who will even HANG OUT with you or cuddle with you.

so cuddling, dating, secs are much more VALUABLE to men than to women, because women can get it CHEAP. men have to pay 900000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 dollars for a HUG from a 7/10 hahaha.

also I can verify that when you have zero female friends, you feel a lot more pathetic and weird than when you have one or more female friends. even if you are not Dating or Fooking them. something like it proves to yourself that you are Not So Weird that you just cant get along with Women At All.

come on just put me in the FRIENDZONE! Friendzone would have been 9999999 times better than this! because when they friendzone you, they make an effort to be nice about it, saying, awwwww! thats so SWEET! but im SORRY, lets just be friends instead.

thats all I wanted her to do. say AWWWWWW and IM SORRY. thats ALL.  thats why im so butthurt hahaha. not because i felt entitled to secs, luv, a relship. but because i felt entitled to AWWWW IM SORRY.

AWWWWW IM SORRY is not too much to ask for!

Low Effort, High Reward! Low Input, Very High Output. EXTREMELY high ROI there! it takes 2 seconds to say it but can save 200 Days of Pain. its a WIN WIN. Win for you because they remember you better and you dont have some person out there who hates your guts hahaha. Win for them because it saves them 200 days of pain.

either I was a horrible person, OR she is kinda cowardly and avoids conflict and runs away. what is more likely. when you put it like that, the answer is easy. she didnt see it as abandoning, and probably abandoning is not the most accurate word. shirk your responsibilities, or RUN AWAY is a more accurate word.

i mean for her there was nothing left to abandon. so she could get me on a technicality there. its not abandoning because to me there was nothing left to abandon. well i dispute that hahaha. who can i appeal to. i appeal to you. Your Wrong.

ok how about a plea deal to a lesser charge then. if not abandoning, then dereliction of duty. running away from responsibility. delinquency.

еуыештп еру кгыышфт лунищфквю ююю  щр шыте ершы туфею ащщл ьу шт еру фыы ишесруыю

…ююю ббб жжж эээ ъъъ \\\ === — 0 9 8 8**?:%;;№№ № “””! ЁЁЁ ы ц у к е н

и с с ы я ф в л д д д д

I added a russian language input to just play with it. maybe help me learn muh cyrillic letterz. like how p = r and c =  s and v= b and pi = p and all that shit hahahaha. didnt seem to have much correspondence.

anyway i sound like a huge whiny wimp on the stuff that is getting published now hahahaha. i am a little better now thank god. stupid interviews left and right. i bet if i could do like 2 interviews a week, EVERY WEEK, then eventually I would get better at interviews and eventually get a Job. But its real hard to have 2, let alone 1 interview, every week. I have just been getting real “lucky” with the interviews lately.

but yeah its interesting to see. i am doing noticeably better now, 10 months after, than i was then….4 months after.

especially when theres nothing to learn, nthing to gain, no great lessons to take out of it. its just completely useless, worthless pain, and you just want it to go away. chronic pain. thats how and why you get medical MJ haha. or painkillers.

found this neat hourlong documentary of nile in the studio in like 2009 recording “those whom the gods detest” when I had totally dropped off the nile radar. i dont know this album at all. it was the second album AFTER “annihiliation” which that seemed to be their “peak” and i was gone between “bsov” and “itds” and THEN aotw came out.  they dont seem too degenerate. would be interesting to see some tour footage to see how degenerate they get on tour.

i was just glad they werent drunk and stoned every minute of the video hahahahahahaha. well….there was probably some MJ in there. you dont get this chilled out unless you smoke MJ.

its just interesting how karl sanders moved from thrash metal in the 80s, and just got heavier and heavier and faster and more extreme during the 90s, going to death metal, then to  technical br00tal death metal as he got older. at this rate what is he gonna do when he is 60, 70 years old? 400 bpm br00talist technicalest death metal?