THE NEET CURE

dec 26 2016

welp the wholesome part of the holidays is over, now everyone is just gonna get drunk and fook like negros until they have to go back to Work on January 2 hahahahahahah.  and those are the lucky privileged people. More people will just continue to work as they do every other day. maybe struggle with drug and alcohol problems so they can keep their shitty jobs which make them work during the busiest time of the holidays, serving shitty customers. its enough to make a person want to abuse drugs and alcohol!

i think california getting legal MJ is a big deal, i mean its kinda surprising they didnt have it until now. maybe they needed smaller states like CO, WA, and OR to act as a pilot program before CA really threw open the gates.

i mean its possibly a bad thing, leading to an even more degenerate society. but one day it will make it 600000000000000000000 times easier for ME to obtain it. me me me me me. fook the greater good.

i think it should be legal, but SHAMED. i said earlier this might be impossible, but is it really? look at cigarettes and tobacco for example. those have been shamed pretty well. or have they? has that really worked in getting people to choose to buy/smoke less cigarettes? probably a little bit, and thats all that matters.

should you tax the shit out of MJ then? well, in that it might be an incentive for govt to legalize it, yes, but I have no faith that the tax money would be used for ANYTHING good. it would ALL be wasted on bullshit. i understand that. im just looking at the tax as purely an incentive for The Gummint to Legalize It.

and against i dont see this as some big crusade for justice, because it is a mixed bag. i’m not sure it…..well it probably SHOULD be legalized, but shamed as fook. shamed even more than cigarettes. which are currently more shamed than alcohol or porn.

but you can still get tobacco EVERYWHERE, and you have plenty of tobacco shops which themselves are not sleazy. well not all of them hahahaha.

i guess i would also take, instead of full legalization, then the state expanding its Qualifying Conditions for MMJ to Despair or Anxiety, hehehehe.

there already IS a NEET CURE, it’s called the MILITARY, thats ALWAYS been the NEET CURE. but I think this aspect has been played down in the past 20 years, and the military is pretending like they are moar selective, and they dont necessarily WANT neet losers. but they will prob take neet losers. provided you’re not too fat and provided you never took psych meds like prozac or paxil or citalopram hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

george michael, dead of “heart failure.” well thanks that explains a lot hahahahahaha. i could have told you that. i guess thats better than cancer tho! but was it heart failure from, for EXAMPLE, mixing coke and pills and booze and painkillers and heroin and meth? that will cause heart failure for sure hahahaha. probably some MJ in there too hahahaha.

just waiting for another 20 bucks of bitcoin to transfer into coinbase so i could hopefully sell it at 901. because i have to move everything back and forth from coinbase, because they are jooish and watch exactly where you send your money, meaning no gambling and i would assume no Darknet Markets hahahahahahahahahaha. they scolded me for sending it to gambling. i have NO IDEA how they found out. considering I thought the gambling site used separate wallets for each gambler!

over 1 hour and 0 confirmations. didn’t even modify the fee.  this is why bitcoin will never take off. good idea though. just need something with FAST confirmations and ideally some way to send messages with the money. like hey guy this money is from UFMLL. remember me because i’d like you to know i donate money to you every 3 months. i am a true blue cobber m8. you can count on me. im not some kind of hypergamous mercenary who’s gonna leave you in the lurch. i am a MAN OF HONOR(tm) (great phrase from Chapin book MGHOW). wihtout having you have to make notes and search weird addresses jsut to try to identify somebody, and what if it changes your address every time? or you having to send a email before you send every transaction is probably the easiest way to identify yourself. still not very practical IMHO.

you know i am very optimistic about our young kids with 1488 blood pumping thru their veins. they dont even have the DESIRE to take MJ. I feel the desire EVERY DAY. I know it’s wrong but I think I can GET AWAY with it. I think the rules dont apply to me. I think I can just keep it in the closet and be an exception. but really I am envious of those who dont even WANT it. i wish I didn’t WANT it. but shit do I ever.

went for 1.4 mile powerwalk, not bad.

so anyway, i should NOT become an outspoken activist for the legalization of MJ, because its degenerative for huhwhyte society.

ok so whats the best military route for white neets? i honestly cant say. some say we want our white warriors on the frontlines. i would say study something hard and technical where only white men pass the exam, and get yourself into a safe all white male unit doing technical shit.

heh havent been to this horrible site in a while but this guy was dumped, was just devastated. people give him decent advice that WHY never helps, never gives closure. but its also very hard not to ask why. because youre willing to do anything to fix it, to make them change their mind. but they just wont. that never works. just let them go. fook yes its hard as SHIT. will make you want to sm0ke MJ for the next 2 years hahahaha.

hehehehe

why dont any gurls want a second date with me? im not a racist hater, i don’t like that racist trump! i dont have any wrongthink! why arent women interested in me at all?

yet the same gurls who are rejecting him are probably getting fooked by ebil trump voting racists hahahaha.

dec 27

heh. now i remember why i stopped reading /relships. because it is a woman-dominated space, and these women are annoying and stupid af. but they think they are SO smart, about relships, about men and women, but they know nothing. about men, abotu women, OR about relships. that is why they are high number crazy carousel riding catladies who cant keep a man hahahahaha. so how do they make 60k a year at their high powered careers then? AND have time to read and poast on reddit?

but yeah obviously this guy needs to Explicitly Ask for a Second Date on Saturday at 7pm and he would have more success. getting a second date at least hahahahaha.

but i mean yeah a bitch being texting on her phone the whole time during your date implies they are not interested. i mean its rude. but they just dont KNOW any better. at age 25 they dont know this is rude. and you’re THIRSTY and DESPERATE enough that you still WANT a second date with a RUDE woman who texts and sexts during the whole first date and is too stupid to even KNOW that’s rude.

ARrrrrgh this makes no sense! Who can I ask for clarification here? who’s the SME for this Subject Area?………..you mean I’M THE SME? IM THE EXPERT? BBBBBUT I have no idea how this works! I need an SME to help ME! I can assure you, I am absolutely no EXPERT in this! I know MUCH less than the USERS!!!!!!! why can’t we appoint one of them an sme?

welp, you better learn it fast, because it looks like you are the SME.

i can’t believe this is how things actually really work with large, successful businesses.

well, my business was in a Failure Phase tho. and if they dont pull out of it, they will end up selling the company.

you can sell a publicly traded company btw. prob need to cash out all the stock though. or maybe you can get out of that with bankruptcy. leave your stockholders in the lurch hehehehe. who knows. im no JQ bankruptcy attorney. though you can make good money in that career.

but it takes a certain TYPE to be a LAWYER. there are a few good huhwhyte lawyers like toilet law and this other guy. but i bet they are in the minority.

benedryl sleep last night, had dream featuring 2 female friends i had in muh crazy uni days. i was with one female friend reviewing a video of myself and the second female friend, and i was like, wow, its plain as day, look at her body language, she clearly wants the D, but its so weird I didn’t notice that at the moment, and had to see a video playback. hmmm. maybe I SHOULD give her the D. interesting idea.  I mean its really not a HORRIBLE idea. yeah i’m hung up on this other gurl, but some casual fook buddy secs might be good. and if its not, at least we can say we tried. lets give it a try.

and of course this never happened in real life. IRL I WAS too hung up on this “angel” i was in luv with, that I didnt’ even want anyone else, and I was even making female friends at the time who were arguably attractive women (21, 22 year old women! I should think so!!!!!) but I honestly had no interest in them in that way. but maybe i should have pushed myself towards being Casual Fook Buddy with at least one of them hahahahaha. how would that have played out? I will never know.

but this dream got me thinking. maybe that could have worked. me, doing a degen casual secs, fook buddy, FWB thing. whoda thunk it.

but yeah i put these other luv interests on such a pedestal, that i couldnt even THINK of other women.

i guess it was similar when i first met That Woman. I was still heartbroken over women2012 and couldnt even THINK of being with another woman.

And its ok to feel that way hahahahahahah. my feelings were valid. i don’t really REGRET not trying to bang that female friend hahahaha.

its so weird looking back on it. she was not just a leftist, but a leftist activist, and she was kinda a SLUT, she had told me about times she “HOOKED UP” with guys drunk at a party, i think she even said she had fooked a BLACK guy, and I knew she was a “little bit” crazy, (in hindsight I think very likely bipolar), but i also accepted her for who she was, and didn’t really judge her too harshly. we got along well and never really any tension. i kind of felt PITY for her having these meaningless relships. she was “dating” this guy tho and it was a CLUSTERFOOK. she wasnt happy and he wasnt happy and I just couldnt tell WHAT was going on. i still dont know.

anyway she went on to be a successful lawyer (hahahahahaha) and somewhere in there found a decent man, but I dont think that lasted, and she had some legit family tragedy, and I think went crazy and possibly had a breakdown, and did a complete career change and is doing pretty good with that. much better career than me hahahaha.  i mean she was always ambitious and a hard worker. is not gonna get lazy and slothful and despairing and neetish. but its the bipolar which will be a real risk for her. anyway i wish her well, she’s not a bad person.

so interesting. i can know a lot of shady details about a womans shady past and NOT be judgmental, say she’s NOT a bad person. when you would THINK I would judge her SAVAGELY. NOPE. it’s DIFFERENT when I actually know a person in real life. i give them the benefit of the doubt.

but yeah i was never in luv with her. but several people wondered if we had something going on. we did not hahaha. i was not really interested. but in hindsight, she was not unattractive, and it probably would have been good to try to get some Experience with her. while of course Respecting her decision if she didn’t want to hahahahaha. but she used to get REALLY ridiculous when drinking, even moreso than me. I would just fall down drunk. she would actively do crazy shit. including probably fook guys. black guys hahahahahahaha.

i actually met her father! he seemed like a good guy, was very successful, good father daughter relship, but pretty sure he was bipolar too. which became a problem for the whole family.  but yeah i think this is better than the alternative of an abusive or deadbeat father. he was successful and his children were successful even if his marriage failed.

but just making the point that she didnt become a crazy slut because she had a terrible father.  i think her father was pretty GOOD…..he was just legit CRAZY. she was too. but they both managed it pretty well. until they didnt. well, she’s doing allright. but he isn’t. it’s SAD!!!!!!!!!

so yeah. good people can be totally sidelined by Mental Illness. I totally believe it. I get it. I understand.

so yeah i wish her well, hopeyouredoingwell.wav, and that she safeguards herself against the bipolar condition. imho getting out of LAW was a good move. she can find other Careers to make Good Money. everyone I went to Uni with seems to have no problem makign good money! with me being the lone exception of course hahahaha.

selling the last of my bitcoin. huge. rally. to the moon. very bullish. sold at 890 yesterday, sell the last of muh btc at like 930ish today. and if it goes higher, OH WELL, im all tapped out.

ok sold it. done. no more bitcoin left. except 1 dollar in a btcjam account from deadbeats slowing paying me back on microloans. us citizens are now barred from loaning any more. oh well. it wasnt a great system for me anyway hahahaha. good riddance.

hehehhehehe this is starting right now. i would have shit my pants over this a few years ago. its a good move for roosh to move towards more serious men like uncle bern.  but both seem naive for just not reading the writing on the wall already. JQ. Race. WN. move past MGTOW shit. find a traditional woman. roosh go back to persia and stop ruining white women.

hehehe roosh really looks like a mudslim isis terrorist with that huge beard. i guess im glad he got TIRED of banging white sluts and realized there was more to life than MUH DICK.

with my superior white mind, i came to that conclusion and didnt even have to bang ANY white sluts!

and yeah i kinda envy him for having success with my race’s women where I have had NONE. literally. all the women i have had any success with have been nonwhite joos hahahahahahahahaha.  even white trash fatherless sluts reject me in favor of blacks and criminal toughguys.

well good riddance, i will go be a mgtow and get a damn realdoll HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA jk.

heh maybe bernard will become a WN in a few years. everybody moves at their own pace hehehehe. you cant really RUSH people.

ideally roosh would just marry a persian woman, have persian children, and repent for his past degeneracy, and encourage Racial, Noncivic Nationalism. encourage all his white male fans to become WN’s. Roosh is not a dumb guy. and he is gradually moving in the right direction.

but there are so many white omegas out there who can only think about women women women women women women women. i used to be one of them hahahahahaha. i STILL think about women ALL THE DAMN TIME. but now i keep Sex in its proper perspective – subordinate to RACE. whereas these mens movement people would disagree with that totally. and say race doesnt matter nearly as much as sex.

yeah sex does matter a lot. but race matters more.

just dump him and replace him with a better man! that is the answer to all womens relship problems. we men mean NOTHING to women. they are the REAL haters hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. women hate men WAYYYYYYYYYYYY more than men hate women. women MEAN a lot to men. Men mean NOTHING to women. hahahahahaha. ok thats an example of the type of thoughts i don’t want to have, and ideally would refute them with a convincing rebuttal.

Have you ever had Anal Sex with a man you knew for less than 2 weeks? less than 1 week? how many men?

in the questions to ask your prospective wife hahahahaha. ideally you should not know these men less than a year. buttsecs is a BIG DEAL and should not be given out willy nilly. yet these beautiful white 22 year old gurls are quickly becoming ANAL WHORES!!!!!! BUTT SLUTS!!!!!!!!

would you want your DAUGHTER becoming that?

or do you just not care, all you care about is muh dick and muh drugs and muh alcohol? like a negro!!!!!!

just call them white n199er5.wav hahahahahaha

yet my female friend from 11+ years ago did all sorts of DISGUSTING things, and I dont hate her for it!

i wasnt in luv with her though!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

could I have been? maybe. anythings possible. but i knew all those unsavory things about her already, learned them pretty quickly, whereas That Woman didnt have any of those Disqualifiers.

and i STILL trust that That Woman wasnt HIDING anything. she was a trustworthy person. which made losing her very hard! and she still is trustworthy! she was and is a decent, valuable, good person! its really hard to lose that! it’s a lot easier to lose a total piece of shit!

anyway.  its all over. its finished. RIP.

but yeah. i am thankful for the few female friends i have had, i continue to learn from them 11 years later hahahaha. so yeah i hope that woman is doing well. that she finds a good man. although she would be hard to deal with. i dont think i’d want to. heck its possible she became a lesbian hahaha. but i dont think so.  but yeah she did disgusting things and i dont think any less of her as a person.

but yeah i didnt want to Be With Her and make babies with her and make her my waifu. at all hahahaha. whatsoever. i would have laughed at the thought. there was not that kind of Romantic Luv. I guess it could have developed. but now we are talking hypotheticals.

i mean what if she werent dating that guy? what if she was more “gf-ish” and sweet to me?  i mean she was nice to me but in that just one of the guys sort of way. and since i wasnt looking for any more from her, i didnt mind at all.

but yeah, bottom line, she was a good person and deserves good things and good people, but she was a little bipolar, but that shouldnt count against her. she could still be a good white wife and mother (and i hope she does!), provided she didnt screw it up.

she was weird though. she might not even WANT kids. she strikes me as possibly being one of those Weird Women that just has no desire to have children.

anyway my final word on her is that she is a good person and i hope she is doing well.

looked at hookers on backpage. technically that is not the same as looking at pron. i found at least two white hookers that caught my interest. 90% of the women were disgusting blaq hookers hehehehehe. not that the white ones are not white trash, but my god, i cant even imagine the type of man who would PAY these blaq women in the pictures, i mean they often looked fat and horrible.

funny that the majority of the white hookers BLATANTLY said no black men. so they are race aware and have a preference against black men, where Regular White Nonhooker Women do NOT! they are equal opportunity Cvm Bvckets!

well, as hookers, these women see the absolutely shadiest men right? so they probably saw tons of shady ghetto thug black men, not  talented tenth black men hahahaha. and arent the WHITE men they see shadier than the average white man? what kind of man uses hookers anyway?

Basically every man I know has been to a strip club. no big deal there. I heard of one guy who got drunk once and somehow a stripper offered to Suck His D for a price and he said ok sure i’ll pay 80 bucks for that! i dont think he found that all too horrible but it also wasnt the type of thing he did normally.

when i was in Uni a hedonist, sensualist acquaintance of mine talked about banging a hooker in amsterdam. this guy was a free luv kinda hippie type and very handsome, didn’t really NEED to bang hookers. i think he was just a sex freak and just honestly wanted to bang a hooker because it WASNT a normal nonhooker.

I heard about a middle aged alcoholic who would occasionally bang hookers. this kinda made the most sense. he was like 50 something, didnt want to waste time chatting with women, he had money from a business he miraculously ran, and he spent his money on booze and hookers. fantastic. TERRIFIC hahahaha.

i’ve known men who regularly go to strip clubs and it is PATHETIC. I have no desire to go to a strip club ever again. I would MUCH rather just hire a hooker for 30 minutes. strip clubs are just disgusting jooish places.

and yeah obviously i would rather be In A Rel with That Woman than ever go to a hooker. Still not over her! it will take about 2 years. but i am closer than i’ve ever been to getting over her. really all it will take now is meeting The Next Woman. I need to MEET WOMEN. and if that means going on fookin ok cupid, then thats what i have to do.

yep that FUATH – I album is really good. very listenable. dont even CARE if its a drum machine. album of the month hahahaha. dec 2016.

also looked on craigslist and backpage for “420” or “medical cannabis” or that type of thing. found some stuff, looked shady and or they blatantly said, you gotta have your card. which i’m sure they HAVE To say!!!!!!!

https://twitter.com/belledejour_uk/with_replies?lang=en

oh god heres a terrible woman. “sex worker” who got a phd in biology or some shit and is horribly sex positive and some of the trs goys are bullying her. GOOD! she is a monster. and jooish hahahahaha. OF COURSHE.

these women with phds in casual sex. fooking like negros. that is literally what their phd is in. then they make 600000000000000 tweets a day about how good casual sex is. ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

 

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HUHWHYTE HUHWHORKERS

wed aug 2

looked up the amount of money i spent during muh unemployment and was horrified and disgusted. i am not a big spender! but somehow i spent a lot of money! essentially blew through a Larger Than Average Emergency Fund!!!!!!!!

heh. the hugest expenses were, by far, car related (aka useless shit tier insurance) and going to see the SHRINK. everything else was DWARFED in comparison to that. even going out to restaurants to play my weekly game was NOTHING in comparison to those two things. also the local grocery store / supermarket was a big thing, but thats not surpirsing.

i made 152 dollars on mturk hehehehe.

yep. car insurance, shrink, and grocery store were biggest expenses because i dont have to pay rent like NORMIES because i am a neet. now, the grocery store should involve a lot of stuff that i am buying for the fam, and or gifts for them. spent more on gifts for them .

cant break down the many categories of stuff i bought at the grocery store, which also includes gas, clothes, food, nonfood.

also its funny that shitty, useless, absolutely cheapest car insurance was the #1 biggest expense. and Budget Shrink once a month was a little below that. my biggest entertainment expense, my weekly, sometimes twice weekly game, didnt even come close. or me buying clothes like a madman. spend 488 dollars on clothing. and that was all this year. well from july to dec 2015 i was pretty much completely dead.

i mean i try to “give money to muh fam” whenever i possibly can by buying them stuff, because they refuse to Charge Me Rent like a Normie fam would, like they SHOULD, because not to is to enable muh neetism, so i fight against that by essentially slipping money into their wallet when they arent looking hahahahaha.

https://mint.lc.intuit.com/questions/1136258-trying-to-change-a-category-not-working

this is exactly the kind of tech support my old company would give, the type of “advice” that woman was great at giving. somebody says the feature is not working. tech support assumes the user is doing it wrong, and gives the the “right” steps. this is exactly what the user IS doing….and it is not working. there CLEARLY is a technical issue that needs to be looked at and acted on by the company. but they sit their silent and just imply that you’re doing it wrong.

spent 369 on muh weekly hobby during muh 17 months of shitty neetness. honestly less than i expected. but oh yeah one place doesnt take credit cards. all this data is coming from muh credit card. i do not use cash anymore for this very reason. analytics. data. reports. trends.

took benedryl because i got the hankering to sm0ke MJ…..but of course i dont have any. might have some in jan 2019 god willing. 2 more years. legal MJ hehehehe. hope to get it on the ballot in 2018, where it would PROBABLY pass, but it possibly could not pass. maybe 60 40 odds hehehehe. of passing.

shit i would even be willing to take a TINY dose of mushrooms. but it has to be TINY. i would rather not feel anything than feel anything. because a bad trip is just not worth it. at all. it will put you into a world of panic, dread, emptiness, despair, fear, hopelessness, death hahahahaha. but good trips can give you the opposite of all that. and that is what i am looking for.

always take less of whatever drug it is. you know who tells you to take MORE? druggie degenerates. OVEN YOURSELF.

i am happy i have totally resisted the urge to type that womans name into google and try to stalk her that way. prob find her linkedin and instagram where she is posting images of her fooking negros hahahahahaha. making spelling errors and poor writing on her linkedin for her Tough Stressful Job where she makes a lot more money than me.

her name getting in the News for being so good at her Career she became an Expert. or maybe doing Activism for one of her Causes. or she went back to school, got highest honors, and is getting a Grad or Law degree.

i mean she doesnt have a unique name so when i searched her before all this shit happened, like in oct 14 to june 15 when i was in luv with her, she wouldnt even be on the first 2 or 3 pages of google. just other people with her same name.

now if you search my name on google, you immediately get my linkedin, my twitter, on the very top of the first page, and i am happy with that. but i really SHOULD have many company and skool awards and blurbs about honors and awards ive won, me and my unique name just got promoted, just spearheaded a 50 million dollar project, etc. got married to a beautiful 22 year old gurl, had a 3rd child, bought a house in a 100% huhwhyte neighborhood, etc, getting respect from respected people, etc.

but yeah. if someone wanted to get in touch with me, they could find my email address REAL easy. SHE could find my email address if she just googled muh name. moron probably couldnt spell it right hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. i am so desperate for her to google me, find the email, and contact me. because she blocked my email and deleted it so she doesn’t know what it is anymore hehehehehe. and she desperately wants to apologize to me and luv me, but she doesnt’ know how to contact me. what bullshit. then she could contact at least 2 people we mutually know. or have someone do that for her. or type my name into google. she OBVIOUSLY doesnt WANT to.

WANT. WILL. WILLINGNESS. are you WILLING to do this. this WILLINGNESS is the most important thing. I dont care if anyone ever UNDERSTANDS me. that’s way too much to ask. i would never expect that. i dont even udnerstand myself. i just want them to luv me hahahaha. thats way better than Understanding. I guess LISTENING is important though. but understanding really isnt. i will never complain about being MISUNDERSTOOD. well, except that she misunderstood my motives. yeah that i care a lot about. not being seen as a niceguy who betrayed her by wiating in the wings, waiting to pounce, ulterior motives etc.

benedryl. makes a man tired hehehehe.

dec 24

heh. xmas eve. benedryl last night. was tired. crashed into bed, slept pretty Well, but past 830 am i could not get back to sleep. even though i still felt tired and groggy and sleepy. still do now at 953 am. sleepy but you cant sleep. so i just am thankful i slept a few hours later than muh New Normal wake up time of 515 am.

i was always anti authority. when i was young i disliked and had no respect for my teachers. well the majority of them. some of them i liked. but i never thought, wow, i LUV this teacher, I want to be a teacher when I Grow Up. I said, this is a sucky profession, it attracts mean nasty people, those who cant do teach hahahaha, and those who cant teach teach at my school hahaha. (and the corrolary of this really pretty offensive maxim is, those who DO, cant teach!)

so why bother trying to teach or learn anything. just sm0ke weed all day and jerk off, try to bang sluts.

in high school i had a better understanding and more respect for teachers or teaching. but i knew the teachers in my private skool made way less money than the rich, lazy, spoiled, entitled public skool teachers, who also didnt give any homework and made skool fun and easy for their students, and 16 yo old gurls were throwing themselves at you in these public schools.

but my teachers were men of principle! who would then be a bit autistic, weird, or mean. maybe they were just butthurt they couldnt get a sweet public skool job.

and of course now i understand that public skool teachers dont really do that well, and you either do SUB jobs till you’re 30 years old, or get a job in the absolute worst, blackest, ghettoest district, and those Plum Teacher Jobs are simply going extinct because, big surprise, they cost the schools too much money. fookin boomers hahahahaha. way to kill the golden goose. fookin joos hahahaha. like the scorpion and the frog.

anyway now i appreciate what teachers do. will stand up for teachers against the teacher-haters, which i used to be. while being even more certain that i would never want this thankless, super stressful job.

old school boomer working class HATE teachers because they only work 6 months out of the year, only work 6 hours a day hahahaha, and see it as the easiest job ever.

but basically when i was IN high school and especially grade school, i wish i had more respect for the teachers heheheheh.

still i dont think thats what screwed me up though. maybe it was just my general disrespect for authority. i didnt’ think anyone knew what they were talking about. i know just as well as they do. well no i sure as fook didnt! well what do THEY know, they’re just underpaid losers at this private skool who couldnt get a sweet public school job! their wife left them and their kids hate them!

also i was butthurt that i “had to” go to a private skool with no gurls. cuz i was absolutely OBSESSED with secs and gurls, even more than i am now. truth is, if i had gone to one of those fantasy public school paradises, i probably would have been bullied by the boys AND rejected by the girls, for being an omega male hehehehe.

then i went to college and the “teachers” here were wildly successful. they were professors at a famous university. of course they were respected, their wives didnt leave them. there were shitloads of beautiful 18-21 year old gurls. and i didnt know how to deal with them. i was frozen in fear and couldnt bring myself to talk to them.

yep 33 inch pants would be just perfect. this means i must continue to lose weight until 32 inch pants would be just perfect.

i guess Dr Phil would be a celebrity, well know, famous version of the type of profession i could see myself doing. helping people with their emotional, relship, family, behavior problems.

who are other famous shrinks? dr keith ablow I hear is pretty good. i hear Dr Laura is pretty good although a J.

i guess tel aviv is the party city of israhell. beaches and clubs and all that. 20 year old israeli gurls in tiny bathing suits. who have absolutely no respect for secs as the life creating act. just want to have fun fun fun. and i absolutely would never want to have babies with them hahahaha. shit yeah i would race mix with them. basically any light skinned 20 year old gurl i would race mix with.  would never make babies with.

maybe i want to be like roosh, traveling the world and banging 20 year old sluts. it really doesnt sound bad. i mean i wish more of these white sluts turned him down. all of them. i dont want white women to be sluts and ESPECIALLY not race mixing sluts going for swarthy persians.

i apologize to intuit tech support because i wrote a kinda nasty comment to them on their shitty tech support article where it appeared there was a bug in the program, then right after i read the shitty article and left the nasty comment that prob wont get read anyway, the program started working again. but i swear i was doing it right! what the hell was i doing wrong? it wasnt a complicated process, it was jsut trying to change the category of a transaction. from what it is defaulted to, to something of my choosing. important necessary feature sure.

well i never attack level 1, i basically attack level 2 and above. for letting shitty service continue. for treating customers like idiots. passing the buck and giving me the runaround. i want a level 2 person to tell me WHEN this is going to be fixed. if its a month or 6 months, FINE. just let me know that poeple who CAN fix it are AWARE of it and PLAN on fixing it. dont just give me a patronizing poorly written response telling me what ive ALREADY DONE. do you really think I’m THAT STUPID. again, I know this isnt the level1 person’s fault. really they should just do away with level 1 and make level2 the new level1. essentially meaning, give the level1s about 100 times more training so they dont always seem so damn inexperienced. but yeah thats a thankless job. even worse than teaching hahahaha. its like teaching something you dont even KNOW. forget knowing how to DO. its teaching shit youve never HEARD OF before.

there were people in uni who took about the same ballpark of MJ as i did, and they turned out fine, ie, 6 gorillion times more successful than me, wife, kids, etc. probably the alcohol did more damage than the MJ. but the MJ did do damage too. because i would rather sm0ke MJ than attack my schoolwork aggressively. i wasnt so much shirking muh skoolwork to DRINK. but i did binge drink a lot on occasion. i honestly do think i did more stupid destructive shit because of MJ though. yeah. actually the MJ i think did more damage than the alcohol. at THAT time. but AFTER uni, the alcohol def did more damage than the MJ. now i dont drink any more and I Romanticize MJ and put it on a pedastal like it was a perfect waifu.

even though its obviously NOT! it makes me paranoid and anxious and panicky and nervous and awkward and lazy and neurotic and jooish and weak!

ive never had a royal straight flush or a nonroyal straight flush but i have had quads quite a few times. is that normal?

got ghoul surf the kali yuga shirt in mail on dec 24. i did not “need” it by xmas and I would rather the poor USPS slaves not slave on xmas eve, xmas day, or saturdays, or sunday amazon deliveries. or midnight shifts at the PO. or split shifts. or PSEs or casuals. i would pay more in shipping for those things.

i should join heimbachs traditionalist workers party because by god am i SERIOUS about Workers Rights, but also by god am I SERIOUSLY against all the leftist marxist jooish revolutionary commie SHIT The Labor Movement supports. I mean they are the leftest of the left and that’s very disappointing. it should not be that way. and maybe A True Populist Movement can give a better way than that.  right wing, traditionalist, JQ Aware, Huhwhyte Huhwhorkers.

all time, i have given 155 dollars to alt right causes. this includes tshirts which should PROBABLY be split because the entire cost of the tshirt does not go to the alt right guy, not even half, it goes to the jooish tshirt company. well, at least the company that does TRS’s tshirts is not jooish at all, and I wrote them a note with my order complimenting them for this.

anyway the size L ghoul shirt fits fine. i was worried about moving down from an XL tshirt to an L. DONT BE. just dont gain the god damn weight back.

hmm bitcoin peaking at like 890 dollars. quickly gonna sell 20 usd worth. buy low, sell high. and it is high. peaked and starting to come down. ok sold 25 USD. makin monay hahahaha.

going into mint and categorizing and recategorizing a bunch of shit.

http://www.tradworker.org/platform/

pretty good outlining of a political and MORAL platform hehehehe. dont know if heimbach is still involved here. welp there is nothing on the site for dnating.

 

 

SEX IS INHERENTLY INTIMATE

feb 25

more rumination and obsession hahaha : she was very good at being a friend. we were good friends, it was so natural and smooth. therefore i thought she would be the SAME WAY in the role of GF. i saw great potential. with her longterm BF, she talked and commnicated with him and tried to resolve their issues like an average maturity adult. i had no reason to believe she would be any different with me when WE had problems.

but she was. i thought if she needed to reject me, she would be FRIENDLY about it, the way she was always very friendly to me. and would say “AW. AWWWWWW. THATS SO SWEET. YOUR SUCH A NICE GUY. but im SORRY, i just dont feel that way. Lets Just Be Friends.” pat me on the head and give me a cookie. that would have been sooooooooooooo much better than what happened. oh god i would have LOVED that kind of rejection.

but yeah point is, i was caught OFF GUARD, completely unprepared for this. did not see this coming AT ALL. i never knew her to act like this. with me, or with people she was close to. she was super friendly and nice to me all the time. i KNOW that doesnt mean she was INTERESTED!!!!! im not that much of a woman hater hahahaha. but i DID think that gave me a REASONABLE EXPECTATION that she would continue to be nice, friendly, and mature to me when it came time for her to respond to muh feelings for her.

heh. married at first sight. i totally called it with decision day. nice normie white boy david and his bitch wife, white girl but ugly and bitchy, he was better looking than her, he was out of her league, he was too good for her, well i totally CALLED it: he would say yes, she would say no. like a train wreck in slow motion. he was such a naively optimistic normie. such a positive normie attitude. just a nice good guy, bit of a beta doormat, but successful in career (“Director of Sales” for software company) and a friendly, nice, generous, kind, warm, caring, good personality. she was a total closed off bitch that never gave him a chance, never lifted a finger, and accused him of something he did not do: lying and betraying her. OH GOD its SO Frustrating to be accused of lying when youre NOT LYING.

itd be ONE THING if you had a pattern of being BLATANTLY CAUGHT IN LIES. but he wasnt!!! she was just disproportionately angry at him because he messaged a gurl on facebook. shit. like she never messaged guys on facebook. she INSISTED it was a “DATE”, and he insisted no, its NOT a date, i wanted to hang out with HER so we could talk about YOU and I might get some insight on YOU and how to communicate with YOU because you wont communicate with me. which was the TRUTH! and yet his wife refused to believe the truth. the situation was infuriating and pathetic. then he pathetically tries to “win back her trust” even though he did nothing wrong.

it was such a painful situation to watch, and i felt so sorry for him, doing all the work, being unjustly painted as the bad guy, while she did no work, refused to open up to him, completely shut down and checked out, and she was DONE at that moment, her NO decision was made.

hehehehe there were parallels with my own situation. but My Woman was younger and better looking than this bitch hahahahahah. also she used to be much much nicer. she was super nice at one point, like a female version of david. then she became an ice queen like ashley the ugly stone cold bitch.

so yeah i felt great sympathy and empathy and luv for poor david, getting shit on and thrown away like a piece of garbage. i could not even look at them as they gave their decisions. and it went exactly as i predicted. immed afterwards david gave some REAL talk: his optimism was crushed and he had a realistic view of things: i was doing all the work, i was fully committed, and she wasnt. she wasnt willing to give me an inch, and she had checked out long ago. damn right. i felt like Reaching Out to David and emailing him. bringing back my twitter account so I could tweet at him words of moral support hahahaha. i still might. bringing my twitter back would be a good idea in 2016 hahaha.

it SUCKS to be accused of something you didnt do. not really talking about false raep, because then the woman clearly knows SHE’s lying. but when the woman is under a misunderstanding, a delusion, that you did something you really didnt. then YOU want to stand up and defend yourself and prove yourself innocent. which makes you look even more guilty to them. its SO horrible.

my pushing her, and her avoiding me, was ahorrible vicious circle, and both fed into each other. i pushed her because she avoided me, she avoided me because i pushed her.  i didnt calculate that she would avoid me so much. so then i laid down and took it like a beeta, saying ok baby, ill give you time and space, whatever you want to make you happy. bad move. after a few weeks of space, i couldnt take it any more and started pushing again.

pushing isnt great but i dont think its a cardinal sin. but women sure do. i would like to work on my pushiness in the future.

see im not ALWAYS pushy. only when a gurl i luv is avoiding me. which does not happen often. normally i am not pushy at all. i dont get so invested and committed to something that i even WANT to push.

what i should have done was not be pushy but be ASSERTIVE: say: “baby, this ends now. this has got to end. i cant take this any more. i feel disrespected and avoided. we need to talk ASAP. stop avoiding me and lets schedule a solid time to talk, and i will be very disappointed if you back out again. THIS ENDS NOW. I DONT let people treat me like this. like garbage. I wont let YOU treat me like that. this ends now.”

did i mention Stahlgewitter is a very catchy RAC band with a fairly metal approach and a very commanding singer. i dont speak or understand german tho hahahaha. anyway they will ABSOLUTELY get your blood pumping. good anti despair music hahahaha.

techincally there WAS a kind of red flag: the fact that she began avoiding me in like december or so. as soon as she started avoiding hanging out with me. that was the red flag. i didnt think she would be such a big avoider but boy was i wrong. anyway the fact that she avoided me so stubbornly WAS the red flag that she might pull the ULTIMATE coup de grace of avoidance, and she did: cut me off entirely. crash the plane with no survivors. well except for her hahahaha she survived quite nicely.

so yeah there was kind of a red flag, but NO WAY was I in the right mind to see it. i was idealizing her, and holding on to blind hope.

you know why you cant have casual sex?

because SEX IS INHERENTLY INTIMATE.

Casual Sex doesnt really exist.

unless you have had SO MUCH of Aborted Intimacy that you have burned out all your oxytocin and CANT FEEL intimacy any more. then you can have casual sex.

and THIS is what you WANT???

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

so you go through the motions of REPRODUCTION, of LIFE CREATION, with a man you dont even know. you’re willing to roll that dice? take that risk? that seems like such a big, stupid, horrible risk to take! and so many women do it! idiots! sluts! degenerates! sodomites! absolutely disgusting! and its SAD too, when these are white gurls who were once nice, once had potential, and just threw THEMSELVES away like a piece of garbage.

its a terrible feeling when you have a caller on hold with a problem, and you dont understand the problem, and you just DONT KNOW WHAT TO TELL THEM. you have to fix the problem, but you dont know how to fix the problem, you dont understand the problem, you dont know what to tell them. and the only help you can get is from a monosyllabic higher up in a chat room that doesnt really explain things either. you have to FIGURE IT OUT how to explain it to the caller, and there will probably be a decent amount of BULLSHIT in there. you dont like to bullshit people, but you’re bullshit because there’s nothing else you CAN do. you must bullshit to survive. one call at a time, one day at a time. i cant go back to that style of work!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate not knowing what im doing, not knowing what to say to people, and having to come up with bullshit! cuz it SOUNDS liek obvious bullshit!

i try to be honest, i like being honest…..but i also dont like giving bad news, especially when i dont really understand it, or how to explain it. then i try to candy coat it with bullshit.

if you ask for help, they will tell you just read the shitty article till you understand it. thanks. i will do that when i get home and dont have to answer calls all day. sometimes they will be nice and try to explain it in actual english. but it will be an unclear explanation, because they dont have time for you. they really dont. they are too busy. there needs to be more of THEM to help you and your level 1 team idiots. but there simply ARENT ENOUGH people who know the shit at a deep level, because they all leave for Better Jobs ASAP. There are literally not enough people who know how things work.

how can you fix shit if you dont know how it works? youd be surprised. you just go through the motions, do band aid fixes, pass the buck, throw spaghetti at the wall, and sometimes shit sticks, but you dont know WHY. you just keep barreling through the cases and throwing spaghetti, and only 2 guys know how stuff really works, and theres no WAY you’re getting THEM on the phone to talk to callers directly. they’ve earned the privilege to not have to be down there in the trenches.

and i cant stick around without having a nervous breakdown long enough to earn that privileged position! it takes at least a few years!

but its funny. regarding the woman. it really does take an internal mental effort and does not involve her at all. but its not fookin easy. switching from the mindset of: she hates me, i did something wrong, to, she does not HATE me, i did nothing wrong, she just couldnt deal with pressure and ran away in the worst possible way.

its a simpler explanation and a BETTER explanation, but ive had a hard time accepting it. but i really SHOULD, for my long term health.

but it also has its own risks, like it tempts me to contact her again: oh if she doesnt HATE me, then maybe we could REKINDLE. NOPE. DO NOT DO THIS. it would be ANOTHER trainwreck.

SHE would have to show some interest, some initiative, put HER self out there like i did; put the ball in MY court, like i put the ball in HER court over and over and over again, and she just avoided it.

she can contact me, but i shouldnt contact her.

and she 99.99999999999999999999999999% wont contact me hahahaha.

but yeah its also good to not feel hated. hated by the one you still love. hahahaha. i mean really i have no proof for anything so why not believe the one thats both simpler, and better.

oh yeah. that bitch ashley, when the shrinks pushed her for more detail on why she was choosing Divorce from the white knight david, kept coming back to the facebook incident of how it broke her trust in him. great i thought. now shes essentially BLAMING HIM, and he, unless he is very emotionally strong, and HOW CAN YOU be emotionally strong after someone you’re invested in DUMPS you, well he might start blaming himself and thinking he did something wrong, and feel even WORSE. insult on top of injury. how DARE she blame him like that.

uhh as far as the other couples, i dont care as much, david and bitch ashley was the couple i was most interested in. neil and samantha would be next. i have to give her a little credit, she made some honest changes over the 6 weeks (wayyyy too short of a time period for this show) and went from being a total bitch, to being more loving and supportive and committed, so good for her. i actually think she might say yes at this point. neil is a total autistic bitchboi who i used to sorta like, now im not so sure. i actually think he could go either way. cuz he is just SO autistic, hes not merely an unmasculine beta, hes just fooking too weird. he might just say no to her, which is why she goes running out of the room.

as far as the black couple i dont really care about them, but they seem like the couple most likely to succeed, BUT i still dont trust HER, she might well say NO. cant really tell with her. shes nice to him most of the time but her “trust issues” and such might make her say no like a bitch. he will probably say yes. they are both fairly white acting blacks. they could work out well if SHE says yes. and he does seem trustworthy enough for her to say yes.

but yeah its just very difficult and takes a long time to get over someone you LOVED, they rejected you HORRIBLY, and you had a REAL longterm relationship with them.

its impossible to really get to know someone in 6 weeks. maybe you can get infatuated. and dont get me wrong, infatuation is strong, its real, it can very often be the beginning of real, true love. in fact i beleive you need infatuation to get to love. but you dont really know the person. that takes time.

with HER, i got to know her FIRST, and THEN came the infatuation MUCH later. but i already KNEW her, so the infatuation quickly turned to full blown luv. damn.

heh. funny. when i first met her, i was like, welp im GLAD she has a BF, because i could never date her. shes a nice sweet gurl but shes got too much baggage, i really dont want to deal with all that.

funny that as i got to know her, i decided that i COULD put up with the baggage. just as long as she wasnt a damn slut with a slut past. and she wasnt. and as it sunk in that she was REALLY done with her longterm BF, my feelings started to change. like yeah why SHOULDNT i try dating her. we get along great, we are good friends, we get along so well, have a lot in common, her baggage really is not a big deal any more, she’s not a slut, lets fookin do it, take the plunge. anddddddd then it turned out she was dating a new guy instead. and in the time that it took to scratch my head over that, she was done with HIM, due to his bad behavior. she said she was heartbroken.

this was kinda a warning sign too: how could she be OVER the first BF so quickly? how could she be in LOVE with a new guy so quickly? a guy who is a complete scumbag and probably gave her some diseases? i mean choosing him was a REAAAAAALLLLLLYYYYYYYY bad shitty decision on her part. also the fact that he was nonwhite. oh GOD. BURN THE COAL, PAY THE TOLL. I hated that. how could such a sweet nice gurl i was falling in luv with, make SUCH BAD DECISIONS?????!!?!?!?!?!?!

its sad to see someone you know and luv, make such bad shitty decisions. self destructive, embarrassing, degenerate shit. to see a good person go bad. that alone is very sad and breaks your heart. she is really at A Crossroads. she can either keep going down this path, which would be bad and sad, but now i kinda want her to destroy herself as Karma for how she destroyed me hahahaha. and i hate to think of her going down the right path and being a beautiful wonderful wife to some other super lucky guy.  when i wanted her to be my wonderful perfect wife hahahaha.

she was never a slut. she never got into Hard Drugs or Pills. These were probably the biggest risks to a gurl in her situation. BUT she experimented with Coal Burning. Oh Dear God. I mean that should be enough right? ESPECIALLY for me, since i am SO disgusted with coal burning. why would i even want to get NEAR her after that?!?!?!?! even if the guy is light skinned and white acting as opposed to a black as coal bix nood dindu nuffin hood rat? a barbaric tyrone with sagging pants who sets white gurls on fire and burns them alive? but rather a smooth talking charming will smith type? you should STILL know better than to fall for a smooth talking will smith type!!!!!!! i know you didnt have a father to teach you better!! but your mother is all right! what did SHE have to say about this??!??!?!?!

heh. so while i am kinda ashamed that i would have been so WILLING to forgive a COAL BURNER……that was how much i luved her. but i am still absolutely disgusted by coal burning.

it was just SO WEIRD. because she wasnt a slut, and this was the First Time she ever did such a thing. i mean i dont know for CERTAIN…..but im still pretty sure. trust me hahahaha.

in 2008 i think i was still a shitlib and voted for i dont even want to say his name. barry the darkie commie.

in 2012 i voted for mitt the mormon titt but i probably should have just thrown my vote away on ron paul hahahaha. point is, sometime between 08 and 12 i Turned. probably very much influenced by barry’s first term in office. i already had some of the red pills. i think prior to 08 i might have been discovering MRA, i definitely knew about Game, but i thought it was bad and a woman hating lie. but i appreciated MRA. but i didnt know what was degenerate and what was not. i couldnt articulate it. deep down i think i understood it though. that the idea of game and average PUAs were fookin muh dick degenerates. only roissy had the right idea, but he pretends to be QUITE the degenerate. deep down i think he wants a return to tradition and nondegeneracy. a writer like dalrock and maybe….i cant remember if its athol kay or rollo tomassi, that is about married game, longterm rel game. maybe even vox day touches on this a bit. vox day is generally a pretty good right wing thinker, but game is not his focus.

i was so into game and mra and mgtow because i was/am obsessed with women. women women women women women all the time. it was only the idea of Race that eventually pulled me away from women women women women women and got me to see the bigger picture. well thats not entirely true. bernard chapin helped me understand the big picture. hes a big picture mra/mgtow who understands the proper place of that movement: in the Right. and how feminism and moral decay is all part of Leftism, Cultural Marxism. and, like me, he is absolutely obsessed with women women women women women. i will always luv uncle bern, he was a big influence to me until just recently. when i really started getting into race. which he just doesnt touch. never mind the JQ. however he is good on mocking white privilege types, and he defends whites pretty strongly. but i would like to see him go even further. and i dont think he will. i feel bad for him that he hasnt found a decent woman yet and become a father. that would be a great thing for him to do. but hes already like 45 years old. not too old but….it DOES get harder to find a decent woman as you get older, and if SHES older, its harder for her to have children.

i dunno. if anyone can do it, he can. he deserves it. i just wouldnt want him to race mix with like a latina or something. i worry about that hahahahahahahahaha.

anyway hes a great guy with thousands of videos and i cant not recommend him. he was a big part of muh education. i even wrote him a Fan Email once and he responded to me and mentioned me in a video hahahaha. i was honored.

but i also liked the race stuff i was reading elsewhere. also i didnt want to be SO obsessed with women and i was starting to have doubts about mgtow. previous i was a hardcore proud mgtow. after a while i started to feel it was silly, and borderline woman hating. or at least anti-woman. and a lot of it IS. now there is some divide in the mgtow community, some will say you dont need to AVOID women, thats not what its about. i guess these would be the old mgtows. the NEWER mgtows are more extreme and hate women and shun women and want to have robotic wombs for reproduction. batshit crazy.

also i liked the idea of Traditionalists. some in the manosphere mocked “Tradcons” but i didnt see what the problem was.

anyway, long story short, i think SOME in the Manosphere would fit in well with the Alt Right, some but not all. not degenerates like roosh. i think forney might have the right idea and i liked in mala fide back in the DAY and i like some of forneys stuff even now. but he still has some degen tendencies that he needs to fix. plus im concerned he really may be a woman hater. i wish he would “just” find a decent woman, that would help him stop being a woman hater. but it is VERY hard to find a decent woman, well, to attract and keep a decent woman i should say. i cant do it either hahahaha. but i can totally empathize with forney. hes a little race conscious but he needs to be even moreso.

then theres aurini. yeah i guess by 2015-6 hes in a bit of a circle with forney, aaron clarey, and uncle bern. supposedly aurini was a huge degenerate and had secs with his friends wife. that is pretty sleazy. i dont know his position on this. ideally he would repent. also he seems like a possible woman hater.

again i cant judge, i totally understand woman haters, i might even be one myself hahahaha. definitely borderline. i dont really WANT to hate women. but i keep getting hosed by women. a lot of that is my fault…..well no more than 50% is my fault hahahaha. i have truly been unlucky with women. but maybe im PICKING the wrong women? but men dont pick women, women pick men! well, i was putting myself out there to be picked by the wrong women then. i wanted the wrong women.  i dunno. at least half of muh women have been good women, decent picks, not crazy whores. this last woman was a great woman, she just utterly HOSED me when she rejected me, she didnt HAVE to do it THAT badly. that was truly unlucky on my part, not that i picked the WRONG woman.

but yeah i really feel At Home now in 2016 on the Pro-White Alt-Right, it has everything i’m looking for and none of what i dont: anti degeneracy, anti sluts, anti feminism, anti marxism, pro tradition, pro whites, JQ aware, its just the perfect package for me, and right now, TRS is my go to for that type of stuff, and has one of the best forums i’ve ever seen. i really appreciate they are not women haters, and many of them are Married, and have Children. this is the thing I could never get out of MGTOW and MRA. they were too anti marriage and never talked about being fathers. just how their bitch ex wife ruined their lives and took their children.

yes that happens and it sucks and its why we NEED MRA and MGTOW. but ive just had too much of that and need to know that men and women can still get together and have good families. the idea of marriage and children is increasingly important to me as i get older. i would LUV to find a good wife and have some children. this is not a large emphasis in MRA/MGTOW at all. they might defer to Game/PUA on how to deal with women…….and 95% of that is FOOKING DEGENERATE, and also says All Women Are Like That, when i would HOPE that Some Women are Like That (degen sluts), but Some Arent (Decent Marriagable Traditional Women.)

so yeah i would like to see MUCH more nondegen Game writing, like Dalrock i guess. Marriage game, monogamy game, traditional game, wife game. words that sound ridiculous when paired with “game.” hahahaha Friends First Game. White Wife Game. 14 Words Game. Virgin Game.

yeah. its just sad to see 45 year old men who dont have a wife and children. they have to feel like theyre missing something. i know i would. maybe im imposing my attitude on that. but i think bernard would be a good father for sure. clarey probably would. and even aurini and forney have the potential to be  good fathers. even fooking ROOSH, the ultradegen kabob hahaha.  if they “JUST” found a good woman and started having keeds. i think they would rise to the occasion, and be better, less degenerate men for it. its just what they need!!!!!

maybe me getting older and thinking about Being A Father more precipitated my Ideological Move towards something more family-oriented, less degenerate. im sure it did actually.

as far as the Meaning Of Life, I think having Children and raising them is as close to the Meaning Of Life as we are gonna find. i mean this is pretty obvious once you get to be a certain age. its what we were put on this earth to do.

yeah its HARD to raise kids and even if we have good intentions and try our best and give our kids all they need, they still turn out to be screwups hahahaha. like some of us hahahaha. what shame we must bring on our families hahahaha. and we cant blame them. they tried their best. they gave us everything. they worried and worried and lost sleep and stressed out over whether or not they were raising us right, and they gave it every ounce of effort they had. MOST of the time this is more than enough to raise a child to successful adulthood. they get a job, achieve things in life, meet a mate, have some children of their own. others of us take a more circuitous route hahahahaha.

but yeah i have OBVIOUSLY reached the age where i am in my “dad phase” and i feel like DAMN, i should have had some KIDS by now. so there IS a kind of biological clock for men, for me at least.

yet ive done nothing with my life after college, i have been stuck for the past 11 years hahahaha. never got an acceptable job, never found a good wife, never had children. now a job is a necessary evil which im not passionate about, but i am very passionate about women, especially finding a wife essentially: a long term monogamous committed relationship. wife is good shorthand term for that. i dont care if the mgtow faggots start reeeeeeeeeeeeeing hahahahaha. i want a wife and i want a GOOD one. not some piece of shit slut coalburner single mom hahahahaha with shitty tattoos or any tattoos really.

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. SHE, that WOMAN, didnt have any tattoos on her lovely white skin!!!!!!! which, considering her unfortunate background, is pleasantly surprising; considering she was almost predestined to become a slut, get shitty tattoos, become a single mom, get addicted to drugs or pills, just become a total white trash degenerate in other words. just the worst white trailer trash. and she avoided all those traps. except for the coalburning. she might not even do that again cuz she might have learned her lesson!!!!!!!!

lotta good it does me though, if she has no feelings for me, no interest in me, no will to be with me and make it work. it takes two baby. team work to make the dream work hahahahahaha.

http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsweek/Calories-burned-in-30-minutes-of-leisure-and-routine-activities.htm

working at the tech support call center, i always felt overwhelmed, put upon, flustered, freaking out, i dont know what im doing, i dont know what to do, i dont know how to do my job, i dont know what to tell them, just tell me what to do and i will do it, nope doesnt work that way, just figure it out and do something fast. drink lots of coffee, have lots of watery coffee poops, i dont know how im gonna make it to lunch, i dont know how im gonna come back from lunch and finish the rest of my shift, oh god im done, but i gotta go this again tomorrow. and the day after that, and after that, and after that. ive gotta go home and study everything i dont understand, which is everything.

you almost NEEDED drugs to take the edge off every day. something to relax you and clear your mind. for a while i was taking MJ every day and it kinda worked for this purpose. but its degen and bad to take MJ every day. its no way to be.

a better way to be would be to work out like a madman. there were a couple of those types there, and they were in damn good shape. a few guys were practically Bodybuilders, just ripped. and im sure the stress from the job contributed to their working out so hard. get out of a long stressful shift and just go to the gym and go nuts. work out all weekend. hard to do if you have kids, which most people did.

other people were just fat slobs who went home and played vidya games, ate shitty food, drank a ton of soda, and were obese couch/chair potatoes. muching away at their mcdonalds and drinking tons of soda at their desks while working.

there were a LOT of anime nerds and vidya nerds. all about anime and fooking computer games, not just damn console games like the plebs.

there was one guy who was pretty fat and super nerdy, into computer games and anime. but he was very happy and cheerful and chill, and had a suprisingly good looking WIFE.

other animu nerds were just straight up lonely neckbeard virgins and just seemed despairing and sad and lonely. i felt pretty sorry for them.

some people drank too much on the weekends. you couldnt really drink on work nights because this is not the type of job you can do hungover.

some jobs you can do hungover. some jobs you can do while smoking MJ all day ON THE JOB. this was not one of those jobs.

but one guy, who was pretty chill, he would go out to his car on breaks and do MJ Dabs, then come right back in and Work His Cases and deal with people. i dont know how he did it. he was a real nice guy but i heard he did meth or coke sometimes too.

anyway you had to learn to not let it GET to you. some people had that down. and would just stuff their fat faces and get fatter. i was too stressed out to even EAT. i didnt learn that crucial lesson.

after like 4 months it started to get better. i could eat, i wasnt freaking out as much, me and the woman sat near each other and got along as good as ever.

but as shit started to go downhill with her, stuff also intensified on the job front, and i was more stressed out there. and stressed out with her. and jealous that she seemed to be handling the job stress better than me. and that she was less willing to be friendly to me. becuase i was pushing her and being too needy and needing too much support.

i took the tech cases very seriously, too seriously, and she didnt take them seriously enough. i was jealous of her laid back approach. this probably came from her being an MJ addict. she would take MJ on her off time, as did I, but i was still very uptight when i came in to work. she wasnt. i quizzed her with job related questions that were eating me up, and she just laughed them off. and in the end she stayed sane, kept the job, and might even get a damn promotion. or get a better job. fook her hahahaha.

i GUESS its GOOD to be gone from that ridiculous job. i just wish it hadnt happened that way. me being so unable to deal with the damn woman at the job, which led me to not being able to really DO the job.

i was sort of doing the job though. scraping by at the bare minimum. it was impossible to do any better. i thought shit would be better since i was off of Inbound Phones. and technically it WOULD have been a lot better. shit just got SO bad with her, i couldnt even do the nonphone job. to be fair there was stress with that job too. it was a super involved project where so much unpredictable unknown shit could go wrong…..and did. it was impossible to prepare for all that went wrong. you had to take it as it came, and wing it. other people were moving a lot faster than i was, either because they were cutting corners, or i was going too slow and not multitasking enough. prob a combination of both. i think there was a decent amount of corner cutting there. i did a little bit of it myself. it made you look more efficient, and efficiency was all that mattered.

i probably WAS leaning on her more than i should have for the moral support on the job. but i sorta stopped that, and began to rely more on other people. but i was still bitter at her for not being WILLING to support. its not like she didnt know how the job was. you just had to dig deep within yourself and find your happy place. i couldnt do that as well as she could. PLUS she was certainly aware of the tension between us. she was and i was. so even our small talk was Charged with some amount of tension, of the elephant in the room. the elephant in every interaction, every chat with her.

then she yelled at me once when i came to visit her. so i stopped visiting her, but i felt angry that she wouldnt even let me visit her once a day at the end of my shift to just say goodbye. i thought we were friends! now i cant even VISIT you? what the fook!!!!!! she was right over there, but i was banned from visiting her. i was still allowed to talk to her on chat though. fooking fantastic. what a blessing. what a gift.

on one hand, we WERE chained to our desks, so it WAS normal for people to use the chat program to chat with somebody seated 10 feet away. we didnt have the luxury of just getting up and talking to someone. because we were chained to our desks and had to answer calls or answer chats and finish as many cases as quickly as possible. but to not even take 2 minutes to say hi on lunch or before leaving?

oh yeah. another thing i didnt like was, i always visited her, and she NEVER visited me. she NEVER came over to MY area before her shift or on her break just to Say Hi or Bye to ME. i forgot about that. but its a great indicator of disinterest from her, and how there was a huge imbalance in the rel. she could have visited ME sometimes. also its not like i was trying to distract her from her work. i knew everyone was super busy all the time and you cant even really have small talk because youre focused on the current case, trying to pay attention to the caller or chatter. so really i was just trying to say hi or bye or how are you today and nothing more.

well the one time she yelled at me i WAS being kind of ridiculous on that instance.

but i still wish we talked about that incident. i kinda wanted her to apologize for overreacting. and it was an opportune time to discuss the Problems in our Rel.

but again i am kinda a confrontation avoider too. but she was even WORSE.

the best thing i could have done there was step up and be assertive, because she sure wasnt gonna. and say, THIS ENDS NOW.

instead i apologized for being weird and pushy to her, and secretly hoped she would apologize for yelling at me.

it wasnt really YELLING. you couldnt really make a scene there. but it was the most DIRECT thing she ever communicated to me with words: would you please leave now. just leave.

i was so shocked i couldnt respond, and i just left. and then apologized to her like a bitch over chat at the end of the day, although i was waiting for her to chat with me FIRST and apologize to me hahahahaha. of course she didnt. cuz it was all my fault.

to be fair i didnt act like a MAN and ASSERT MYSELF. i was essentially giving her permission to WALK ALL OVER ME, and by god she did, and showed me all the disrespect you would give a DOORMAT. i was a DOORMAT.

and when is a woman gonna give a DOORMAT the benefit of the doubt.

i dunno. i just women werent so hard on doormats hahahahaha. besides we were friends. i wish she said why are you being a doormat, dont be that way. and i wish i had been more assertive and stood up for myself.

i can totally understand why women, why people, dont respect doormats. but i wonder if they actually gave respect to the doormat, then the doormat might stop being a doormat.

but doormats dont deserve respect!

BUT i was thinking probably that because we were friends, yes i did deserve more respect as part of our friendship! maybe i wasnt a doormat, maybe i was just going through a rough patch and needed her to be there for me, support me, show me love and respect. or to hang out with me sometime. to want to spend time with me. rather than me being restricted to just chatting with her at work. thats not what a real friendship looks like!!!!!!

real friends hang out with each other!!!! are there for each other!!!!! end the friendship in a friendly way!!!!!

i mean i wasnt ALWAYS a doormat with her. we had a PAST! a HISTORY! a FOUNDATION! ROOTS!!!! and she just seemed to be disregarding all that. well yeah. she was distancing. she was ending the rel right then and there, checking out.

and its true i was acting different. then she acted different. and that was a fookin vicious circle.

TECHNICALLY SHE could have said THIS ENDS NOW. but she was not the type to do that. therefore the responsibility fell on me. plus the man SHOULD do that.

well she DIDNT need to say this ends now, she COULD HAVE just said YES i will hang out with you, lets hang out saturday and chill out and talk. THAT is something even a woman should be able to do. yes i accept your invitation to hang out. which i was asking her every 2 weeks so as not to be too pushy. hahahaha. a pushy doormat.

wanna hang out this weekend. maybe. ill text you and let you know. no text. talk to her on monday. how was you weekend. oh good. no comment on how she didnt text me. and i was too pussy to say THIS ENDS NOW. then friday say what are you doing this weekend? wanna hang out? we couldnt hang out last weekend you never texted me. oh yeah sorry abotu that. this weekend i dunno. ill text you if i can.  AND SO ON. it could have easily gone on longer than 10 months hahahahaha.

so yeah not my finest hour but i would have appreciated a LITTLE BIT of concern and effort from her. anything. just hang out with me for 2 hours. 3 would be better. ill buy you dinner. please please please please.

yeah its pathetic. i guess in the past i was a doormat to women as well. its so rarely i am interested in a woman so i forgot that when i am, i can be pushy, and a doormat. either way i have to stop doing that shit, and start ASSERTING myself, saying THIS ENDS NOW.

although next time i get interested in a woman, so much time will have passed, that i will have forgotten that i have a bad habit to become a doormat when i am interested in women hahahaha. since i only get interested in women once every 3 years hahahaha.

WHAT WOULD DONALD TRUMP DO / FRIENDS FIRST GAME / 11 YEARS SINCE CUDDLING / SQUAT GUAT / TUALAPOG / ID HANG OUT WITH ME SO HARD

0203

THIS IS THE BEST AND LONGEST POST EVER.

well i will get over the idea that i did a horrible thing and betrayed her and am a bad guy…..

but its much harder to get over the idea that I Failed The Shit Test. She was giving me a shit test because thats just what women naturally do to weed out weak willed men, and be selective, and find good stronk mates, and weed out the weak………and i failed the test and showed myself as weak. failed her shit test.

but i have my doubts that this was an actual shit test, vs her just being super shitty.

now i realize ALL shit tests are subconscious, and the women dont know theyre doing them.

and that shit tests are essentially women acting like Full Retarded Immature Children. and that is stupid and shamefur.

the proper response is to say, i’m not gonna take your shit baby, THIS ENDS NOW. youre acting like a CHILD and you can talk to me when you want to act like a grown ass woman. but i dont negotiate with bratty little children.

then the gurl melts and says ooh thats just what i wanted to hear, you passed the shit test, i luv you now.

also….. i thought shit tests came AFTER the gurl has shown SOME interest in you, most likely have SECS by the third date. but she doesnt really know you and doesnt know if youre a real enough man to continue having secs with her.

also, i failed shit tests with women before, bascially dumped for being Too Beeta……..but they still were NICE to me when they dumped me and didnt go apeshit and treat me like a piece of garbage, or it was my fault for being such a horrible person.

in other words, failing a shit test STILL doesnt mean the woman gets to throw you away like youre a horrible person. they can STILL empathize with you as someone who is gonna be hurt.

but i dont know how shit tests work in Friends First situations. when you already know each other. she had known me for 2+ years, she knew who i was.

are they testing to see if youre willing to just walk out on them if they give you shit?

well i wasnt willing to walk out on her exactly because we already had an established relationship for a long time, and you just dont GIVE UP on people like that, unless they are a trifling brat you JUST MET.

now with shit tests you cant say “just talk to me baby, and we’ll work this out. tell me what you want baby, and i’ll do it.” thats FAILING the shit test.

you have to say, im the MAN, and im not gonna stand for this. STAHP. THIS ENDS NOW. I wont take this shit, we wont talk this out, you’re gonna stop throwing the tantrum, or im gonna find a BETTER WOMAN.

well, its hard to walk out on a qt after youve BANGED her, because you want to bang her MOAR, plus the secs might be naturally, rightfully causing your brain to produce like-like-chemicals. so your willingness to put up with shit and not walk away is increased.

when walking away is not the same thing as giving up. when you you walk away because youre saying “i can do better than this. i dont have to put up with this shit. this is retarded.”

vs walking away as giving up: “i dont want to put in the effort to work on and improve this relationship. im done with them. its over and im pulling the plug.”

i dunno i think BEING ASSERTIVE is not a bad thing. i was never good at being a DICK to women becuase i was always THIRSTY (hahahaha) and DESPERATE for female attention and approval and liking and loving.

but i think you can be assertive and stand up for yourself and say i dont like the way youre treating me, you need to treat me with more respect or were done.

do women see assertiveness as being not masculine enough? or do you need to be more aggressive than assertive?

i dont think aggressiveness HURTS. except when you are being aggressively pushy, creepy, bugging them to hang out when they dont want to hang out. and you are persistent in a stalkery way.

the best advice i have thought of recently is: WHAT WOULD TRUMP DO. WHAT WOULD THE TRUMPENFUHRER DO in this situation, with this woman. how would HE show assertiveness to this Bratty Bitchy Woman whose trying to bust his balls?

THAT is what you must do.

would he let some gurl say oh not now, but later. later. later. for months and months? fook no. hed say, were going out to bla bla on saturday at 7 pm. done. be ready or youre fired hahahaha.

shit. when this first started going on she made it sound like almost playful and possibly flirtatious, like youre the guy, you pick the place. and i responded pretty well like, OF COURSHE ill pick a place, i am decisive as fook and if you dont like it, your loss baby lol. and joking with her. and tyring to point out how i wasnt such a nice guy, i am a total asshole, its my way or the highway. was trying to show that side to her. which i still think was a good idea! but then she STILL kept bailing on me. still making up excuses. i said youve got two strikes already baby, and believe me you dont want a third! youre treading on thin ice! which i thought was halfway decent Game for a sperg autist neet virgin wizard like me! and i still do!

but it didnt work, cuz she still kept up with the lame excuses.

at that point, i should have said THIS ENDS NOW. STAHP STRINGING ME ALONG or i’ll hang out with somebody who doesnt.

and because i failed to do that, i lost out on muh lifelong wife and mother of my children, cuz i made one misstep and responded to one shit test incorrectly hahahahahaha.

again my game was not Perfect, but it was OK considering, and at the beginning of it, it didnt seem she was Stringing Me Along too much. so i continued the Playful Banter and things werent weird yet.

and the excuses werent really THAT lame. some were, like i was sick etc. others were like oh im upset because my cheating boifran cheated on me and im sad, and i thought her opening up to me about that was progress.

but yeah. you could have finally Broke Down and agreed to hang out over Thanksgiving or Crimbo. so I guess things were weird by January 2015. because i had fully expected to hang out with her around tgiving. that was disappointing. that was strike 1 or 2. i thought well if tgiving doesnt work out, xmas or new years definitely will. xmas did not work out. i even blatantly asked her if she wanted to hang out on new years. I DUNNOOOOOOOOOO. THAT should have been strike 3, and on new years day 2015 i should have said: OK. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. THIS ENDS NOW.  but instead there was tension for the next 7 months. and then devastating, pathetic heartbreak for me ever since that.

but do i really WANT a woman who has made the decisions she has? when she has to make big decisions and prove her mettle, she Chokes and chooses Poorly. and its TRAGIC because she can really do better. but do i really want someone who Chooses Poorly when it matters the most?

well i often thought, well, other white women arent much better. i mean how PICKY do i want to be here? we get along well, we know and trust each other, shes been with less than 3 guys, shes not annoying, shes nice, really the pros outweigh the cons here goy, where am i ever gonna find a nice, young, pretty, less than 3, no kids white gurl? wy the hell shouldnt i go all in with her!

shes made a couple of bad decisions, and i wish she had a better father but thats not her fault, her family is good despite that, were all human, ive made some REALLY bad decisions too, and most young cute white women have made a lot worse decisions! i could do so much worse, and really, considering my status, im not gonna do any BETTER!

i dunno. i TRIED to have game at the beginning. i thought i was Gaming pretty well considering me being an omega wizard. gimme a little CREDIT for THAT hahahahah!

but the game didnt work. she kept flaking. now was that because my game was not strong enough? and i should BLAME MYSELF for that?

well the true alpha would say, welp i screwed that one up, but i learned a lesson, and i will do better with the next woman. lets just move on from this.

note well that i am more about marriage game and traditional wife game as opposed to casual sex pulling degen sluts degenerate game!

also, HOW HARD IS IT TO HANG OUT????? i can see soem bitch youve only known for a month and had casual secs with, now blows you off and doesnt hang out with you because youre TOO interested in her……

but how do you Friends First Game?

average Game says, theres no such thing, youre in the Friendzone Forever.

I say, well just tell the gurl your feelings have changed. and then get soundly rejected because women dont like having Adult Conversations, because Serious is not Sexy. You have to speak their bullshit dumb retarded signal language. at which point you are better to be Aggressive He Man, than Assertive Lets Talk About This.

so stupid. what does heartiste say is proper Friends First Game?

i TRUST heartiste because he is pro-white and he is also TRS-approved and he understands the big picture.

even ROOSH is coming around to that, but we dont like Roosh because he is a Kebab and he makes fun of the alt right hahahahaha. ful disclosure: I bought “Day Bang” like 4 or 5 years ago and still dont realy want to get rid of it. i think white wizards like me can learn some basic solid game from a “kebab rapist” like Roosh. but yeah. he shouldnt have mocked the alt right. that was really stupid. not just the alt right, but WHITES. i can’t tolerate that.

plus him going around banging HUNDREDS of white girls. even if they are degen sluts. he is not being a part of the solution. to degeneracy.

but yeah. it just makes me very uncomfortable to think that the average unmarried white gurl is gonna be more or less ok with casual sex.

well this is the DEFEATIST shit schlomo WANTS me to think! NICE TRY SCHLOMO!!!!!!!!!

back in the day, DEFEATIST talk used to be up there with TREASON as an executable offense! or at least you got the shit beat out of you. and then went nuts and Kd yourself and others like private pyle hahahaha.

i have always felt like private pyle unfortuantely hahahahaha.

just to be crystal clear, i dont support the poolside, enjoy the decline, watch the world burn bullshit. i might have been seduced by that DEGENERATE, HEDONISTIC NIHILISM when i was younger, but not anymore. there are values much much much higher than MUH DICK.  and thats all that shit is, is muh dick.

i luv TRS because not only do they have a fun forum, but they have totally engaging the Memeplex and are changing the meme game in a bigger way than any pro-whites ive seen so far. creating memes, changing the language, creating our own language, “dog whistling” to other shitlords with words like “AGENCY” and “TIME PREFERENCE”. not to mention the more jocular memes/words like “cuck” and dindu and gibs which seem to be penetrating our language.

what they are doing is great and exciting and important. and i have been pro white since 2011 hahahahahaha. ive read stormfront and vnn and they are fine and dandy, but TRS is the next big thing and i am GRATEFUL i discovered them.

they would tell me forget about that lost cause mudshark……..but they would also say i am a total beeta lost cause myself, so when you tally up the scorecard, i would have been lucky to pull a white gurl like her. young, less than 5 dicks, no kids, so what if she is a little mudsharky and has no father. pros outweigh the cons. i am a past my prime, 30+ loser who made bad choices in life and now reaps what i sow. i am luck that a white gurl even wanted to hang out with me. the best i deserve is a “BROWN MIDGET REFRIGERATOR” (description of guatamalan/mestizo brown women hahahaha, stout, stocky, short, stumpy, and very unattractive hahahaha.)

i am serious about wanting to date only white girls…..but with my low mate value, i have to find a white girl with ISSUES.  and i did! and i felt they were not dealbreaker issues!

or i could just IMPROVE MYSELF which is what proud white men are SUPPOSED To do. life is a constant journey of SELF IMPROVEMENT for the white man.

heh. for me that is super duper hard. i am losing weight pretty good and trying to treat my Despair with meds and occasional shrink hahahahaha.  i have quit drinking and quit MJ. but i still like MJ and I wish i didnt LIKE it!!!!!!!

i have quit porno and have not looked at it at ALL in…..111 days at LEAST.

i dunno. i had a good upbringing so i cant blame my family. they were just too protective though, if anything they were too loving! and in that sense were enabling of bad habits that would not serve me well as an independent adult who could Survive in the World of Work and Women.

Classic Spoiled Kid Affluenza syndrome reporting in!

but yeah i dont like Dating because i dont think women should be having secs before 6 months into an official relationship, at LEAST; and i dont like the fact that women cant talk about shit and solve problems like MEN hahahaha. im mad at women for not being MEN. hahahahaha.

you cant HATE women for being immature insane bitches. its part of BEING A WOMAN. WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT THAN MEN.

i dunno. i can accept women being VERY different from men, i just WISH they didnt HAVE to be immature, insane, destructive bitches! is that to unrealistic to ask?

probably not.

remember, those crazy bitches i fake dated and made out with and had secs with, who dumped me for being too beta and a doormat and not masculine enough and too interested in them, they still tried to dump me politely and nicely.

heh. j00ish women j00d me less than a white woman. its really discouraging when white women j00 you even worse than ACTUAL j00s hahahaha.

so yeah i can finally believe that i didnt do something HORRIBLY WRONG AND EVIL.

i have a harder time accepting that it was more than a matter of game. if i had just GAMED her better, i would have gotten her. and my major mistake is failing this SHIT TEST.

i would like to think there is no one size fits all way of passing a shit test. donald trump does it one way, uncle adolf does it another way, vlad putin does it another way, the southern gentleman does it another way. i would prefer to be assertive ratherly than overly aggressive, and not be too huge of a dick about it. because thats SAFER hahahaha. because what if being a dick to the woman actually offends the woman and drives her away? hahahaha. yes i am being slightly sarcastic.

bbbbbbut its hard to be a dick to women when you are a desperate doormat who is desperate to not be left by them.

i wish there were a good authority on Friends First Game i could turn to hahahaha.

of course the idea that there is a Game for every situation is pretty degen, see the hilarious twitter account return of kangz whcih is a alt right, pro white parody of return of kings which somebody from TRS forums is doing probably.

https://twitter.com/ReturnOfKangz?lang=en

it seems to be making fun of Game, from a pro white perspective hehehehehe. i dunno. its a really new twitter account but looks promising.

i dunno.

see, i thought Friends could just TALK to each other freely without using stupid GAME.

i thought friends could just HANG OUT with each other REGULARLY.

but i didnt WANT to be just friends.

well i was FINE with being friends at FIRST.

then things changed.

then i wanted to have a friendly talk about that change and just put it out there like a mature adult. no shit tests, no signals, no ultimatums, no bullshit.

but maybe its because im an unmasculine mating market loser that i even THINK Game Is Stupid. If i were a successful man, I would appreciate and respect the Game, as i respect the Differences between men and women.

i respect the differences between men and women, but i still think Game is stupid.

but MGTOW is kind of stupid as well. just pussies giving up and embracing foreveralone as some kind of moral signaling. nope. i dont buy it anymore. im as done with mgtow, as she was done with me hahahahaha.

there are better ways to morally signal hahahah. like by saying you are a traditional white man who wants to have a traditional white family with a traditional white woman.

WHAT WOULD THE DON DO.

he would say, “listen. the first couple times you blew me off, that was understandable. you were going through some tough stuff. but I really thought you would hang out with me around tgiving, crimmus, or new years. enough is enough already. youve been avoiding me for 2 months. this is not ok. this ends now. either we hang out this saturday at 5 pm or you CALL me when youre ready to stop stringing me along and start treating me with the respect i deserve.”

THE END.

put that on a fooking flashcard and MEMORIZE THAT QUOTE.

i am looking for an EPIC DOOM BAND that is MORE EPIC THAN CANDLEMASS.

CANDLEMASS IS NOT EPIC ENOUGH FOR ME.

Candlemass is great and nothing but respect. but i want 10 minute songs, not 6 minute songs hahahahaha.

yes, i am fully aware candlemass invented epic doom and has an album called “EPICUS DOOMICUS METALLICUS.”

yeah i will also take epicish gothic doom death. like my dying bride. that is more than epic enough for me. maybe what i’m looking for are those “gothic”, super melancholy Two Guitar Harmonies.

google how to deal with a shit test

looking for somewhat trusted sources, not easy

http://therationalmale.com/tag/how-to-pass-a-shit-test/

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2013/06/25/compendium-of-female-super-shit-tests/

ok. so you treat them like the BRatty Little Sister. you dont hate them or want to hurt them, but you want to SHOW THEM WHOS BOSS.

WOMEN HATE MEN WHO NEED TO BE TOLD TO BE DOMINANT. hahahahahah. whoooops failed that shit test hahahahah.

Commanding respect is especially important for the kind of testing where they’re just being an annoyance and generally disrespectful. IMO disrespect should not be tolerated and needs to be nipped in the bud, and is an important way to maintain frame control. You simply need to be firm and treat her like a father would to their child who’s being disrespectful. You don’t get angry, you just call her on the behavior and let her know clearly that you won’t stand for it. In a way this is almost a type of pressure flip. You’re taking her negative energy and sliding past it and putting the onus on her to react by changing her approach to the topic. For example:

Her: Nag nag nag.
You: That is disrespectful and I will not tolerate it.

https://whoism3.wordpress.com/2012/11/17/confessions-of-a-reformed-incel/

he seems pretty degen but there are some solid things in this article, poignant tuff feels you will have felt hahahaha. but he watches pron hahahaha. anyway decent article, cant vouch for the rest of the site.

yeah he likes pron too much and hates women too much. and doesnt like to heartiste. but i can basically understand where hes coming from. plus i HAD to read an article called “confessions of a reformed incel.” he went TWELVE YEARS without sex, and i think without even cuddleing or making out, any contact with women basically.

welp… its been 11-12 years without actual secs for me

11 years since touching pvssay, and cuddling

10 years since making out

so….almost as bad hahahahahaha.

11 years since cuddling wow that just sounds SAD hahahahaha.

WHAT WOULD THE DON SAY:

THAT IS DISRESPECTFUL AND I WILL NOT TOLERATE IT.

this is prob muh favorite style. straightforward, no bullshit, no games, clear, direct, honest, short, to the point.

i dont even disrespect RANDOM SLUTS as bad as she disrespected me. how could she do that? im talking about archetypical degenerate, mudshark, casual sex, 30+ dicks, bastard babies, stupid retarded corrupted white skanks. i treat them with the utmost disrespect as a group, and she treated me worse than THAT. showed me less respect than THAT.

if i know someone as an INDIVIDUAL, that counts for something. if i god forbid knew one of those sluts, i would probably treat her with more respect as i would the GROUP. on an individual one on one basis, i try to treat EVERYONE with respect.

the idea she could do that to ME. someone she was once Good Close Friends with. its MIND BOGGLING.

QUOTE

trpalternate 55 points 1 year ago
For the married guys in here, I’ll add one thing that I learned from experience: If you’re faced with passive-aggressive behaviour, ignoring it will, at best, postpone the problem. Passive aggression isn’t the same thing as a veiled shit test. The entire purpose of being passive-aggressive is to niggle at you until either you become cowed by guilt and fear of disapproval, or until you set some boundaries.

You have to confront passive-aggressive behaviour, preferably immediately. When you do so, be firm but not aggressive or angry. Make sure you shoot down any denials (e.g. “I didn’t mean to hurt you”). Also, don’t let her flip the script back on you. If she tries to deflect with something like how you don’t do enough dishes, you can say something like “We’re not talking about dishes. We’re talking about [Insert passive-aggressive action].

Set limits and follow through. Make sure that she knows that further behaviour like that will not be tolerated. Also tell her that if if there is a problem, she is to state it to you directly.

In my case, about an hour after the discussion, she asked me to apologize for getting upset with her. The absurdity of the situation got the better of me and I let a chuckle slip out. Then I told her that she was the one in the wrong, so she will be doing the apologizing. She did. One year in, and that was the last passive-aggressive snipe I have ever dealt with from her.

END

https://web.archive.org/web/20160107223756/http://illimitablemen.com/2014/12/14/the-shit-test-encyclopedia/

gotta dig into this.

you know it seems like less of a shit test and more that she was JUST AVOIDING ME. SHIT TESTS means theyre still INTERESTED, conditionally of course. avoiding you means they just have no interest whatseover.

avoiding is not a shit test.

therefore it was not a shit test that i failed.

anyway they way the more sex obsessed game types talk about women, you think, god damn these women are disgusting, are all women like that? and the gamers would say yes of courshe. all women are immature little cheaters and sluts. i dont like that idea hahahaha.

it sucks to find a Decent Woman and they do something really bad.

why cant they just disappoint you A LITTLE? they have to disappoint you WORSE THAN YOU COUL EVER IMAGINE.

and i dont give people shit tests. i realize even MEN ive each other shit tests all the time, but i dont even do that.

these PUAs are clearly degenerate and the women they fook are clearly degenerate, and i hate to think that All Women Are Like That. that SHE is like that.

maybe she was just chill and nondramatic because she partook a lot of MJ. do i REALLY want to be with a woman who does a lot of MJ? turning your mind to MUSH, and probably makes you MORALLY LAZY as well? not being able to do the right thing when the time comes?

well i wanted to do MJ with her, chill out and cuddle together, and i just cared that she was not a slut. had a low number.

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2008/12/29/its-easy-to-identify-a-slut/

hehehehe

https://goodbyeamericainaphoto.wordpress.com/

i think heartiste has another blog and this is it

heartiste was one of the first guys i read that really got me thinking, and i still come back to him. i read him when i was an approval seeking shitlib. helped me see the error of muh ways! and he is still great. i think he is probably on board with pro white K selected family stuff.

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2010/09/16/why-sluts-make-bad-wives/

i like how he mansplains stuff that really shouldnt need an article to mansplain. why do sluts make bad wives?

TO ASK THE QUESTION IS TO ANSWER IT!

oh dear god. beta college boy dating dominant abusive woman, she goes batshit breaking shit making noise, cops called, they make them visit a college counselor, girl complains about man being WEAK and counselor says that Your Weakness is a Triggering Issue for her, maybe you should work on that mkay hahahahaha. so you dont force her to beat you with a shovel.

yeah this guys a huge pussy and doesnt even deserve an abusive gf…….but even weak unmanly shitlib sjw swpl phaggots dont deserve to be abused and threatened by their relship partners!

degen icelandic feminist whores sing triggering song about how they are huge buttsluts who love to take it up the ass. because it destroys patriarchy and destroys toxic masculinity and shows solidarity with oppressed gays. an acceptable form of appropriation hahaha. also stick it to the prudish squares. let your white daughter become a horrible anal wh0re hehehehe.

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2015/08/27/white-nationalist-game/

heh heartiste might be ONE OF US hahahaha

http://archive.is/EuSlG

8pol thread related

ive been rejected by women before……but this one has been THE WORST.

yeah i will survive, i am probably getting a little better, but shit. at this point my woman hating levels are THROUGH THE ROOF.

but the good news is that more pro-white than ever before. i might even just admit that I Am A “White Nationalist.”

well i dont like labels, but i am definitely not Anti White Nationalist! And I Am White and HOLY FOOK I LUV BEING WHITE!!!!!!!! and I feel great loyalty to my RACE.

prior to 2012 i was very open to Race Realism but I didnt want to apply the label to myself. Was not all hardcore 1488 hahahaha. but when i got rejected by woman2012 i decided to go all in and be like fook it. i hate nonwhites and women hahahaha. im not trying to win any bitches approval. if anything i want to signal for white women who also believe in the 14 words like me!!!!!!!!!! and countersignal to fooking mudsharks, race traitors, sluts, etc.

oh i can fook whoever i want whenever i want and its not cheating because i never agreed that our rel was MONOGAMOUS hahahahahaha ayyyyyyy lmao idk ikr tbh fam smh

i hate it when bitches harshly dump you because you didnt READ THEIR MIND correctly. and asked for clarification about the complicated issues. i thought women LOVED to TALK about COMPLICATED DRAMA. sometimes but not always. sometimes theyd just rather show you shitloads of hostile disrespect, more disrepect than you would show the dirtiest whore, they show to YOU, even though you were a important part of each others LIVES for YEARS. nope. it dont matta. nunnadis mattas. WHO CARES. MEANS NOTHING. you’re just worthless garbage. like you never existed.

I GAVE HER MANY CHANCES. SHE GAVE ME NO CHANCE.

went to Gym and focused mostly on my new incline fetish. no its not a fetish, its just a new interest. SCHLOMO wants to denigate all your HEALTHY interests into “fetishes.” well that said, there are actual fetishes, and they are degenerate and should be shamed and shunned. but dont call a healthy gym thing a fetish cuz its not.

anyway went all out there on at least a 5% incline if not 6, and now feel much more tired and like the muscles got a serious Workout. so i can have a nice Muscular Ass so Tyrone and Mohamed can Pozz me and i can be a good Power Bottom hahahahaha. hahahahaha. no thats obv degenerate af.

but yeah that was good ultimately. think i am getting a cold tho. that is not good but hay at least i dont have to go into the Contact Center with 50 other hacking coughing sneezing people and answer phones all day.

i was suprised at how FEW blacks there were there. because blacks in Contact Centers will often give you the runaround and say they cant help you, get this info and call back, because they dont want to put in the effort and thought to solve the problem. however whites care and whites have real empathy and actually honestly want to help you, so they put their own quality scorecard and therefore their jobs at risk by taking longer to help you. and then bringing work problems home with them, studying in between shifts, until they go crazy and either go postal, K others, K themselves, or quit, because they dont want to be like a black and just quit. well i am willing to quit a job because i am a spoiled neet and a disgrace to my white race!

if the job were less ridiculous i might not have quit it. if SHE wasnt there i definitely would not have quit it. i was not man enough to take both struggles and stressors at once. i broke down like a little omega neet fuccboi boipucci neet wizard virgin manlet with no agency. a piece of white trash hahahaha. even white TRASH was good enough to hold onto the job!

but yeah her karma is a lot worse than mine. its bad karma to quit a job…….but not super bad. -1 to her -20. -30, -50.  it is horrible karma to ABORT or DELETE someone from your life that you had A Good Relationship with for a matter of YEARS. how would ANYONE react to that? even the most normie chad would be PRETTY DAMN UPSET.

and thank god i dont have to LIVE with that hanging over my head forever! she will just push it down deep though and Forget It All. It Never Happened. is THIS REALLY the kind of person I want to be sharing the rest of my life with? OF COURSHE NOT!

but it sucks that she is capable of treating some OTHER guy right and being a great wife to HIM! but she decided I wasnt worthwhile enough to treat with even a LITTLE respect. im not asking for a LOT. im asking for a LITTLE, and IMHO i had a Reasonable Expectation to a Little. and i want reasonable good wifeworthy less than 3 dix women to agree with me on that.

I was BTFOd. COMPLETELY. BTFOD. did i deserved to get BTFOd? no. at worst i deserved to have her bitch at me for a little bit, but that would involve talking to me. she couldnt even care enough to talk to me to bitch at me. damn.

how can someone who you were so close to you, do something SO COLD to you?

i figured she didnt like like me, but I also thought that she LIKED me as a person a LOT. put a lot of VALUE on me. and when people VALUE you, they don’t TUALAPOG/Abort/Delete you.

shift+delete you!

so now if someone says or acts like they value me as a person, how am i to know theyre not bullshitting?

and i dont think she WAS bullshitting.

blame it on the fooking MJ. the DEVILS cabbage. the HERBAL J00. it CLOUDS YOUR MIND and stupid stoners LAFF about that (“the halflings pipe-leaf has Clouded Their Mind” LOLOLOLOLOLOL) and laff about that, without realize it can cloud your mind on very IMPORTANT shit, like making decisions of MORALITY and doing the right thing. throw this person away then just smoke w33d for years and its like IT NEVER HAPPENED. cheat, kill your baby, neglect your children, and just smoke w33d all the time and its like the shit never happened.

see when i smoked weed, if i wasnt anxious as fook, i felt GUILTY for being a bad horrible weak shitty person. smoking w33d would certain INCREASE my guilt if I did something HORRIBLE to another person!

but it doesnt appear to have that effect on her at all! nope! just chills her right out!

is this the type of woman you want to share the rest of your life with? mother of your children? just because shes WHITE and under 30 and doesnt have any bastard kids????

but you get along really really well and feel really close to hahahaha.

maybe i was just so desperate for a woman that that desperation finally sparked my feelings. and if i had real OPTIONS, i would see how she should not be the first priority.

but i had no options. no plates spinning hahahaha.

maybe if i did, she would have wanted me. lawd knows when SHE had some changes in HER relship status, that sparked MY interest and pushed me over the edge!

When she had a Long Term BF, i had no interest in luv, or secs, as women prefer to call it hahahaha.

when that rel ended, i said HMMM. i really get along with this woman very well, we are good close friends, shes not unattractive, shes got no kids, shes got really nice hair and white skin and legs, shes super nice, she treats me well…….HMMM.

(she did not use me as a Beta Orbiter Crying Shoulder Emotional Support, so that was good? although i was very willing to give her emo support if she neeeded it.)

then there was the biggest regret time of july 2014 where we hung out and she was super nice to me, but i was still going HRMMMM and did not make a move.

but its very possible that she was just nice to me because she was NORMALLY nice to me! but once she figured out i might like her…..she became very NOT nice to me. bad sign hahahaha. and imho much more than a shit test or bitch shield.

yep this whole tragic sad story illustrates the tragedy of white trash. they are our white kith and kin and we should treat them as such…..but they are just so goddamn heartbreakingly disappointing. they can come SO CLOSE to shaking off the Trashy aspect and fully embrace their white potential…..but at their highest point, they Choose Poorly and start sinking back into the muck and the mud forevermore. but you WANT to help them. you know what theyre capable of. you know they could be so much better if they just didnt make such bad choices and have such bad habits. usually broken families and drugs/alcohol. the damage schlomo does to these poor white families! it should make your white blood boil!

it almost feels like a religious calling for me. the one thing i am really passionate about in a world of despair and disappointment and failure, largely my own, is The White Race. it is essentially my religion. or as some WN thinkers would say, Nature’s Eternal Religion. Sounds good to me!

who do you hang out with if YOU YOURSELF are the negative influence, and no healthy normies want to hang out with losers? You wouldnt hang out with a loser like you! you know well enough that you should SHUN losers, because bad company brings you down!

well…..hehehehe its not true that i wouldnt hang out with me. ID HANG OUT WITH ME SO HARD. i am pleasantly surprised by my confidence there. i am completely unconfident i can get a job or get a woman, but i am very confident that i am hangoutwithable and that i can lose weight.

of courshe it doesnt help manlets like me to lose weight because if you are under 5’10 you are INVISIBLE to women, they dont care if youre fat or thin. (disqualifying the positive)

well i could get a real shitty job like nonstop customer service in companies with VERY high turnover except by the most desperate, like me hahahaha.

and i could very likely get a 30 year old nonwhite woman, maybe a SQUAT GUAT or a Fat Laotian or a Fat Black Woman. Black Women are usually single and they actually like me. black women LOVE me and show me great interest. well not really but they are generally pretty nice to me. i could probably pull a 30 year old black woman with black kids if i were that desperate. and i dont want to be that desperate!

not that they dont deserve somebody 2 Luv! everybody deserves someone 2 Luv!

but as an avowed out of the closet White Nationalist 1488, Interracial Dating and especially MATING is, Y’KNOW, like kinda important to me!

ridiculous QUOTE from my own What 2 Say In An Interview File:
Economics has taught me that everything has a COST. Also about the laws of supply and demand. Marketing has taught me how to create demand and add value.

do not trash you current company when interviewing for a new job. If they ask you why you are leaving, tell them you are happy with what you accomplished at old company but are looking for a place that can provide longer term growth and challenges.

You HAVE to have a thick skin. You HAVE to be able to take “hazing”, whether its from clients or co workers. They probably dont mean it personally, and more importantly, you have to control your emotions, not let them control you. It may be that the person is testing you to see how you deal under pressure. Of course its under pressure that our true self comes out, and we have the chance to really prove ourselves…or choke. If its a coworker simply trying to get under your skin, you can let their words roll right off of you like water off a ducks back, and even give them a taste of their own medicine. If its a client, you simply ignore the disrespect and “kill them with kindness.” In short, in the real world, people don’t always treat you the way you would like to be treated, and you can’t let it bother you, or you won’t get far in life. Sometimes people also push you or test you to see how much they can get away with, and whether or not you will be flustered by verbal jibes or japes. I have self respect and wont allow myself to be treated as a doormat, however I also know how to respect authority and submit when a superior is ordering me to do something. I personally do not usually test people in this way. I simply use the golden rule and treat everybody the way I want to be treated, and I want to be treated with RESPECT.

you can’t just have a Big Picture View. You have to have a Tiny Picture View as well. Super Macro AND Super Micro. you need to be like the EAGLE soaring above at 5000 feet, and be able to see a mouse on the ground below, and zoom in on it with laser like precision. Essentially zoom in from a 5000 foot view to a 1 foot view in a second, with equal clarity at both levels, and at all levels in between. What good is someone who can see super macro and super micro, but they cant discern the large gray area in between? You might see the forest, and you might see a tree…..but could you see HALF the trees? I bring a wide range of accuracy and detail to thought and vision. I am efficient working and solving problems at ALL levels.

Efficiency without effectiveness is not efficient.

Effectiveness without efficiency is not effective.

END

I literally have at least 8 hours of me reading the bullshit in that huge file. not sure how many pages it is, but it is 44000 words, which is about 6-7 times longer than this post so far.

WHAT IF once she hits 30 she contacts me and wants to get Together 4 Realz and fully apologizes and feels bad for what she did. Would I be stupid and desperate enough to accept? probably, if that were the end of the story.

so start adding layers of Red Flags.

what if she has a bastard kid from some deadbeat.

what if the bastard is half BLACK.

what if she has TWO white bastards.

she would CERTAINLY have elevated her number above the National Median of 3. But would she be above 10? 20?

if she had NONE of these dealbreakers i probably would.

she would probably be making more money than me anyway ayyy lmao.

what if she had had x abortions during that time?

assuming a woman would tell you the truth about the number of ABORTIONS she’s had. they are more likely to tell the truth about the number of COX they’ve had! unless they are an out and out abortion lover and baby life hater, in which case……very big red flag.

at 30 she would prob still look ok (unless she doesnt!!!!) but she would look a hell of a lot worse than she looks now! she still has a valuable couple of years before she hits 30!

but i’m OVER 30 ffs!!!!!!!

so what. i would have married young if i had the opportunity. i didnt. or i was too weak to MAKE the opportunity. so now im an older man who wants a younger woman. that is pretty natural actually tbh fam.

but i totally would have married young if i were in a good, healthy, LTR with a young, decent woman. i wouldnt throw it away for some grass is greener bullshit, or some Discover Yourself and Experience The “World” bullshit that women do hahahahaha. and throw away good men who loved them and would have been good husbands for them.

well also if i had a decent career too would be a plus. the Top 10% of Whites do have good careers at age 21. you just got to OUTCOMPETE people to get there and be the 10% best in your field. i did not do this obviously.

though i was in the top 10% for grade school and high school! then became Perfectly Average 50% in college, and after college, my stock kept falling and falling hahahahaha to the point where i wont even state the basics of my life because its just too shameful. basically a huge underachieving white neet. nothing BUT shame in my game!

for rich or poorer, for better or worse, through good times or bad. i never met a bitch that was willing to stick with me through the tuff times.

i guess thats not TOO weird. you gotta EARN it. its a STRUGGLE. its a hero’s quest to find your true maiden. i get that.

but uhhhhh how about you just show me a shred of mercy when you BOLT at the first sign of struggle. say SORRY for leaving me in the lurch before you go jump on the c0k carousel.

im not even sure wordly sluts know of the term cok carousel. ive used the term around men who loved it, well that there was a word for that sort of thing, but ive never used it in conversation with women.

they would probably say ewww thats nasty but still essentially BE ON the cok carousel as they say that.

harder to rationalize away that cognitive dissonance after youre 30 and unmarried. better have a baby with the next deadbeat so you can have some meaning in your life and have someone to chain to you, because its sure as hell not going to be a Good Man. so just use an defenseless, innocent little Human Life you irresponsibly created, B!TCH!

hahahahahaha def a bit of an Anger sort of day.

this is why its hard to get along with women and be friends with them. cuz they are such horrible people hahahaha. so its amazing i even FOUND a woman i got along with very well, and became good friends! you can pump and dump MONSTERS, but can you really Like and Respect them? of COURSHE not!

with couples who are always breaking up and getting back together with each other 10 times, they are still talking and fooking and can actually EXPRESS this sort of anger with each other, instead of just leaving the person alone in their own hell which you had a 50% hand in creating.

and after arguing and arguing and breaking up and getting back together 10 times, BOTH people can say, welp theres no gas left in the tank anymore. this is a dead shark. we are BOTH done. i dont hate you, i wish you well, but this rel is dead, and neither one of us can or wants to bring it back. thanks for the good times, and have a good life.

i SO much would have preffered that. THAT would have been 6000000 times better than TUALAPOG.

just let both parties argue and scream until there is nothing left to say, no gas left in the tank, no anger left, no luv left. that would be SO FOOKIN AWESOME. I WOULD LUV THAT. GIMME THAT ALL DAY OVER THIS.

hmm. in like sept and oct 2014, when i was JUST STARTING to get feelings for her, i was like a BOSS. i didnt like my job but i wasnt in danger of QUITTING IT due to Emotional Insecurity; I said YEP i am gonna TALK to her SOON and get that over with, whats next. hopefully find a better job and get the fook outta here and maybe get a Nice GF for once in my life, maybe. I even used a bit of Playful Tuff Guy Chad GAME with her, saying, I’ll pick where were going (because i know thats how to Win Gurls Approval hahahahaha) and such.

then she had a series of GOOD excuses as well as not so good excuses. tgiving and xmas and new years passed….and NO HANG OUT. i was frustrated. I HAD NOT SEEN THIS COMING. I THOUGHT FOR SURE we would have hung out and talked about this by now.

then job got even worse, and i got even worse, and the excuses got worse. i texted her cutesy shit almost every day and got Warm Fuzzies when she responded. but i had dozens of text drafts i DIDNT send her. that were basically playful fun ways of me telling her i liked her. shit i should have just send some of those. then i would have saved a few months, she prob wouldnt have reacted AS bad, and the issue would be out there.  blurting it out does not have to be all serious. it could have been any one of those dozens of silly texts.

heh. DONT YOU EVEN CARE HOW MY LIFE IS GOING, YOU STUPID COWARDLY B1TCH!!!!!!

i could be dead, in a psych ward, started drinking again, in jail for all she knows.

not that i would EVER K myself over a woman and more importantly, i’d never threaten a woman with that, because thats really really horrible apparently hahahahahaha. then you are the bad guy. then you DID do something horribly wrong and not be aware of it.

WELL I NEVER DID THAT and hopefully never will.

heh. she is prob busy with the busy time at the job right now. hopefully getting the same confusing bullshit I got. i want it to get under HER skin and her to get flustered and frustrated so she knows how I felt. and then have her work friends STAHP giving her moral support. but when has a WOMAN ever stahpped getting moral support. someone is always there to hold their hand through the tuff times hahahahaha. but we MEN do it ALONE.

well i got moral support from other people than her thank god. but it was so disappointing to see someone whod once been your Real Life Friend, shrink back to your Work Friend, to just a Work Acquaintance, to NOBODY.

it happens. but i never left a person in the lurch when they were reaching out to me. i ALWAYS responded and apologized. even if it was kinda half hearted hahahaha. also no one was ever really that DESPERATE to reach out to me. but if they WERE, id respond to them. try to ease their worried mind at least a LITTLE bit. show them a LITTLE kindness to someone who was once my friend.

thats all i wanted hahahaha. just a LITTLE kindness. not a lot.

 

 

DO WOMEN HAVE ANY AGENCY WHATSOEVER

0106

Your BMI is: 26.0
Target weight range: 118.1 lbs – 159.6 lbs
YOU   26.0
Under Healthy Over Obese
B.M.I.
Body Mass Index less – 18.5      18.5 – 25.0      25.0 – 30.0       30.0 – more

Weight RangeRightarrow
118.1 lbs      159.6 lbs         191.6 lbs

make sense of that or youre fired. make sense of many weird looking things like that without help, training, or assitance, or youre fired.  hhaahahaha. also explain the shit to laymen. like yourself. but its your job to be in the know.

come on. people not as sharp (smart) as me get jobs, i was smarter than 68% of people at my last job, which required you to be PRETTY SMART just to SURVIVE in the wilderness, the baptism by fire. but more imporatnt than being smart is being COOL UNDER PRESSURE and CHILL and “go with the flow”…….which i am defnitely NOT, to my own peril and failure an despaire and misery hahahaha.

ok gotta go fatclub now

http://intervention-directory.com/

intervention is the best and only show of its kind but it still has glaring flaws imho, namely not long enough episodes, not enough attention to rehab and recovery and follow up. although they do keep track of the people and have like a 70% recovery rate which is pretty good. but some of us really want to know what happened to these interesting memorable people. this website is a “fan made” thing which appears to aim to catalog that information. sometimes the people who were in the episode leave comments or people who know them post updates.

that feel when you had a lot of potential but wasted it and you would fail the psych test to get into certain jobs like military, police, maybe fire, maybe nursing

yeah i also feel like ill never find a better woman. i mean she was young, nice, attractive, not a slut, no kids, no tattoos, chilled out, low number of men, no drug addiction, no raep or being abused. when i am ever gonna meet a woman this high quality ever again? her composite/overall score is super high hahaha. lots of good qualities. at first i thought she had too many family issues, but altogether, she really didnt.

oh well. i cant convince her to “take me back.”

because theres nothing to go back to. we NEVER HAD a rel in that way. we NEVER HAD that kind of rel, where she was heavily invested in me as a luver. nope. we were JUST FRIENDS. and i dont want to go back to JUST FRIENDS.  just wanted to be treated like a human being by someone i had serious feelings for.

but yeah it seems most women are MUCH more damaged than her: bastard kids, lots of partners, certifiably insane with cutting and eating disorders; raepd or molested by someone; abusive family. or maybe ive just been watching and reading INTERVENTION too much! not all people are like that!

nto that that makes them bad people, it just makes them undateable to me. but then again I am pretty undateable hahahaha.

yeah i gotta stop reading all these interventions. tragic terrible lives. doesnt make them bad people tho hahaha but i was watching and theres like a 25 year old heroin or meth addict with bastard babies and batshit crazy but she still may be somewhat attractive and then i think YEP she would be out of my league because shes ATTRACTIVE hahaahah.

but yeah i hate how muh confidence is at an all time low. just an absolute all time low. i was not a huge winner but i was the biggest winner id ever been in 10 years: FT job, making over 12 DAH, working with other men my age and older. this was a grown mans job.

i was close with a woman who met all muh high standards and we had a good decent rel….until i fell in luv with her.

i was doing a ridiculous and challenging job that pushed me to my limits every day, and very often rising to the challenge.

and now thats all gone. ALL of it. heh. i may never make 15 DAH ever again hahaha. it aint easy. you gotta work HARD for that money, and when i say work hard, i mean, its like somebody throwing something at you all day saying “THINK FAST!!!!” and then they throw you a snake, chainsaw, flaming torches, a 10000 pound weight, a bomb, an aborted fetus, a 10000000 dollar vase, a machete, a bottle of acid or the type of thing that will explode when you drop it. THINK FAST! CATCH THIS!!!!

all the while trying to communicate to the person that ITS OK, I KNOW WHAT IM DOING, when you are thinking GOOD LORD I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IM DOING! I CANT DO THIS! HOW AM I GONNA DO THIS? I HAVENT BEEN TRAINED FOR THIS! WHY WAS OUR TRAINING SO WOEFULLY INADEQUATE! PLEASE TRAIN US MORE!!!!!

yeah thats what i hated the most, was the unexpected nature, and the constant fooking confusing of I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON OR WHAT TO DO HERE and then having to fake your way through this all the time.

BUT I DID IT!

old unsafe link to fatherland podcast, see sidebar for proper link. this is when i first discovered the fatherland 6 months ago. still listen to it very regularly.

0107

oh this is great. found this on TRS forum, hopefully they get promoted to front page of TRS. podcast on being an “alt right” father from alt right men who are actually married and have kids. and arent hateful neet virgins. they can probably advise on selecting a good wife too.

anyway the point i wanted to beat to death now was that we ACTUALLY GOT ALONG WITH EACH OTHER, and it hurts to lose that. it wasnt a going through the motions charade, like when your whole rel lasts 2 months. you can be nice to each other and have secs, but you cant really get along with eachother because you dont really KNOW a pesron in 2 months.

i KNEW her and GOT ALONG with her and there wasnt the stupidity and stress of secs to rush our rel through a Short Charade of a Rel, beginning middle end within 2 – 3 months. i hate that shit.

i should be watching more of sam hyde, of course hes on my radar.

i feel like i am defending myself before a court of women who would say well she did this FOR A REASON, you cant blame it all on HER, you were pushing her and she felt betrayed, so, it makes sense she would do this.

well first of all no women are really sitting in judgment of me on this, that court of women is all in my mind.

second, i didnt have expectations of her returning my luv. i predicted she wouldnt. i DID have an expectation that we could discuss this issue like adults who had a history of friendship and really knowing each other and getting along with eac other. so then we sit down, discuss it, and agree that she cannot do this, but end the rel with “no hard feelings.” or at least not a MAXIMUM of hard feelings.

she KNEW i was upset, i could have gone and Kd myself gods sakes. not that i ever SAID anythign like that. but she knew i was upset and didnt do anything to try to decrease that.

i dunno. i just dont want future women i deal with to DEFEND her, and act like I didnt try to empathize with her.

talk abotu getting ahead of yourself!

i would say, we had a good rel, we really got along well, then I developed feelings, and tried to talk about it with her, but unfortuantely she didnt want to talk and then just cut off the rel right then and there, and i was very hurt. period. the end.

also the idea of when you can feel the balance of power shifting. usually this comes with one person investing more, being more committed, having feelings the other person doesnt have, needing/loving the other person more. then the lose power, the other person has more power, and then they dont like that, and they leave you. hehehehe.

well if they are a woman. it seems men have less problem staying in a rel where the woman loves them more; the man will just keep them around rather than dump them.

837 calories for breakfast hahahaha. then a 705 calorie burning session at fatclub. the good news is i have no anxiety about going there.

the eternal question: should you have kids with a nonwhite nonslut who does share your values, vs a white slut who does not? for a man who is fairly race conscious and doesnt really WANT mixed kids, but white kids!

the obvious answer is none of the above. im not sure my white buddies are saying MAN UP AND WIFE THOSE HUWHYTE SLUTS!!!! they would say, none of the above, keep going till you find a white woman WORTH wifing up.

chip and joanna gaines. so i watch hgtv, so sue me. he’s white, SHE is obviously mixed but still bretty attractive. i would not turn dat ass down if she were giving it to me. but would i have little quadroon kids with her like he has?

One of her staff got back to me with “Joanna is 1/2 Korean, 1/4 Lebanese, and 1/4 German.” says yahoo hahahaha.

so, 1/4 white hahahaha. hmmm and i thought she might be as much as 1/2 white!

well some lebanese look sort of white i guess. or maybe BOTH of her parents were each korean mixes hahahaha. i can tell you that korea sounds like a horrible culture which warps the minds of its people who probably bring some of that mentality when they come to the US hahaha.

http://www.drlaura.com/

dr laura might be a good source of traditional, nondegenerate life advice.

http://www.drlaura.com/b/Am-I-Anti-Female/475.html

” Now, women have largely become “pigs.” Instead of embracing modesty, pride, values, and self-value, they parade around showing their bodies like Playboy bunnies, have sex before “hello,” shack up with men without marital commitment, make babies on their own (declaring that men/fathers aren’t necessary), use abortion as birth control, and don’t imagine feminine sweetness has any place in marriage and are bored with sex with their husbands but turn on to every other Tom, Dick, and Harry. That is why men have little respect for women these days.   ” NOICE

i was out “socializing” last night and some young woman made a remark like how come guys can be a manwhore and they think thats cool, but a woman gets with a lot of guys and shes a slut. it was a silver platter delivery for my moment to mansplain on my favorite topic. but the girl was kinda annoying and not super attractive, but young and white. i didnt get the vibe that she was actually a huge whore but who knows.

http://www.drlaura.com/b/Sex-as-a-Commodity/818.html

old forum post

heh that stefan molyneux culture of critique pic i was lookin for

watching a washington POST livestream of big trump rally in bernie sanders ville and see a guy saying the 14 words in teh chatbox lol. washington post. just a standard trump rally. seeing race realists representing. NOICE.

Men could impregnate 400+ women in the time it takes one woman to have one baby. and that is assuming only 2 women per day. anyway point is, thats why its so EGREGIOUS when a woman has casual sex

0108

i dunno. have always been insecure in muh masculinity, never felt like a real man, which has impacted everything. jobs and women and life.

questioning how much agency and responsibility and accountability women really have. basically this means it is all my fault for getting dumped, because i did not LEAD the woman they way i was SUPPOSED to. standing up to shit tests, putting the woman in her place, saying this is the way its gonna be, putting my foot down, leading, being a REAL MAN, not an indecisive pussy. i needed to be an anchor and use a STRONG HAND to guide her. so i lost her because i was weak and unmanly. and i cant blame her for not showing agency, because it was MY job to show agency. as the woman, she can only show agency if I show agency……and i did not.

well, i showed a LITTLE bit eventually. but it was too little too late.

google hugless virgin hahahaha

oh wow shit is getting real with these cologne rapefugee attacks.  apparently twitter is doing some admin backend shit to minimise the #rapefugee hashtag because its racist and yurop needs to welcome more #rapefugees in order to stop this rape crisis hehehehe.

things are getting pretty exciting politically/socially/culturally, the new current year is obviously the year of the “alt right”. this stuff is bigger than i have ever seen it and i have been following it for at least 5 or 6 years hahahaha.

anyway YEAH i should have been more manly and used my Patriarch Hand….but i still think she could have been a LITTLE better. it doesnt take THAT much agency to write an email. well i wrote LONG emails and LONG emails are WEIRRRRRDDDDD.

and i cant even write her off as a cheap loose fat slut with mud kids and bad tattoos and etc…..cuz shes not. she just doesnt know how to deal with men cuz she has no real father.

#rapefugees hahahahaha and white leftist feminists can look the other way when white women get raped, see the brown muslim rapeugees are just punching UP so its ok.

anyway it seems more and more than mgtow and mra stuff is just the flipside of feminists, and its so stupid to be divide and conquer against women.

think of it this way: it makes much more sense to be anti other races, than to be anti WOMEN. women are not your enemy, the people trying to destroy your race are the enemy. this is why i moved to racialism from “meninism.”  becuase i still want to luv women. so the beauty of the white wimmin does not perish from the earth hahaha.

but yeah i wish i had more than 1 female friend. i mean females are different but i dont know how different they are. i mean just the fact that i could get along with a woman so well. i didnt do anything special or play any kind of game. it just HAPPENED very very naturally. no roosh pick up stuff, no negs, no DHVs or PUA stuff. just normal non autistic becoming friends and getting to know u.

and i just dont like the SUPER DUPER patriachal thing where you absolve women of all their sins because they dont know what theyre doing, they dont have angecy, they are like puppies or infants.

yeah they are more emotional and many of them are STUNTED mentally at age 16 forever…..but i didnt think she was hahahahahaa. i did hold her to a higher standard cuz i honestly thought she was better than that.

ok fatclub time.