THE LORD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS

setp 17 2016

reddit. i mean sometimes its ok but there are degenerates who think noods are fine, and being a slut is fine, and abortions are fine, very nihilistic and muh dick.

some of the advice is common sense and good, namely the stuff given by well adjusted, moral men, but like i say, theres this current of degeneracy that is just terrible. that says the being a promiscuous slut having casual secs is ok. that its ok to look at porn. that jealousy is always bad. that nobody has any responsibilities to anyone else. that kind of shitty consent morality type stuff. secular humanist garbage that really isnt that humanist at all!

or not judging someone who starts dating/fooking someone new 2 weeks after a breakup and just say “everybodys different.”

i mean they have no problem judging guys who are creepy or rapey or weird or controlling or abusive or manipulative or immature or whatever hahaha

 

oh deargod. white guy is thinking about leaving his white friends because they dont believe in institutional racism, and are narrow minded racists who think blacks have the same opportunities whites do. they dont believe in white privilege. therefore they are disgusting savages who must be dumped. this isnt even them going 1488 gtkrwn, moonman lynchin ingras, its “sorry, i just dont believe in white privilege bro.”

well no redpilled 1488ers here, but at least they said give these people a chance, dont dump them right away.

but yeah. so sad. white people dumping their white friends because the white friends do not kiss nonwhite ass and hate whites enough.

this all because much clearer to me once i understood the JQ. these powerful white men on top? theyre not white man. hahahaha. see the israel lobby and cultural marxism hehehehehe.

and also realize that many whites are simply pawns of the joos, like these whites spouting antiwhite antiracist crap. hand rubbing intensifies!!!!!!!! yes good goy hate your white privilege! give reparations to all those whites have disadvantaged!

ok. when i fell in luv with her, i wasnt really LOOKING. i wasnt really seriously thinking about going on okcupid and looking for damn sluts. i wasnt really thinking about meeting new women. and then one day i woke up and realize i had feelings for a woman i already knew.

well…not quite. it was a transition that took about a month. i forced myself to meditate and think about it. not avoid it. at first it felt wrong and weird. then day by day it felt less wrong and weird and day by day it felt more natural and right and good.

and now over the long term, the final analysis is that it was NOT wrong and weird, and it TOTALLY makes sense.

anyway. what else. i determined each job interview was like making a big 26000 dollar SALE. that is a pretty big deal eh? yes it damn well is. and not all of us are cut out to make big 26k sales. but we HAVE To be. because thats what getting a job is. youre selling yourself and the company is investing at least 26k in YOU.

yeah i just dont like when people think i had ulterior motives, when i didnt, but they wont let me defend myself. if youre gonna accuse me, at least let me defend myself. i expected the chance to defend myself from her.

yeah i am starting to get over it hahahah but i also dont want to really go on okcupid BUT i really SHOULD meet new women BUT i almost dont want to meet any women BUT dirty sluts because i am in a woman hating phase so i couldnt POSSIBLY appreciate even a GOOD woman!

yeah i made some mistakes but i think they were medium mistakes as opposed to huge mistakes. i guess the main thing to remember, if i ever make another female friend:

  1. tell her right away if i find her attractive or not, even if i am not super duper attracted to her, be like, yeah, TECHNICALLY, OBJECTIVELY, you are a 7/10, but i’m so fooked up i’m not attracted to anyone right now
  2.  but i could VERY POSSIBLY become attracted to you and fall in luv with you after TWO YEARS of solid friendship.
  3.  therefore, we need to revisit this topic every few months. feel free to ask me about it whenever, and i will make a point to check in every 2 or 3 months just to let you know.
  4.  also, here sign this jooish contract stating you will not get mad if i get feelings for you, and you will dump me Softly.

so yeah, i was a….coward bitchboi, but i still didnt deserve this. but also shes not an evil person and i can understand why she responded this way. the end. it just hurt me a LOT. and my feelings are valid hahahahahaha.

yeah it makes a lot more sense now. at least now if i ever become friends with a woman again, i can tell her,

“LISTEN. LOOK. HERES THE THING. I dont have any feelings for you RIGHT NOW, but that could DEFINITELY CHANGE. Because you are not a fat ugly old hambeast but a solid 7/10 hahahaha. just realize that if i start acting like i like you,a nd amd askig your to hang out with me all the time but you think im being weird and you blow me off, then yeah that’s your sign that I have started getting feelings for you.”

“I dont have any feelings for you right now, but you are young and not ugly, so, its not out of the question that I might be attracted to you if you were not in an LTR. If you break up with your Boifran then I have a 50% chance of trying to Date you. but im not gonna push you one way or the other because i dont encourage people to CHEAT, and if you wanted to Cheat with him on me, I would hatefook you and spit in your face and abandon you like the filthy cheater you are!”

hahahaha.

well….what i would do is call their cuck BF, tell them the GF was a cheating bitch and you should dump this bitch right now, and THEN I would fook her, get vidya of it, and use the woman as a hatefook dumpster for about 10 fooks until i started feeling too degenerate about it.

no ideally i would say god damn you to hell you traitorous evil bitch and spit on her and walk away and NOT fook her.

guy is stonewalling a gurl. reddit says stonewalling is bad

so sad, he is 30 and has never kissed a gurl yet, so of course women get weirded out when he hasnt fooked them within a month and he is making a big deal out of this whole first kiss thing….

WELL NO FOOKING SHIT ITS A BIG DEAL TO HIM BITCH, HE’S 30 AND NEVER KISSED A GURL!!!!!!!

SO IT IS A BIG DEAL TO HIM!!!! RESPECT THAT!!!!!!!!

yeah its weird but he seems to be doing allright. no major issues, stable adult, not a ton of despair or shit.

sept 19

found this guy on linkedin i used to work with at the horrible job. he was a “newer” guy but he was really sharp and smart and picked it up really fast. charming, smart white man. he did degen things like go to electronic music festivals and take ecstasy and acid there and probably bang sluts. i immediately thought he would be charming enough to bang That Woman. i dont think he did, and of course that was just my insecurity. bottom line is, he was a smart and very capable guy worthy of a more than 15 an hour job.

i randomly see his linkedin and see that he worked as a temp contract for this one company that ive been meaning to apply for the job, and he describes it as basic data entry (awesome) where he was a top performer and instructed by management to help train people to do their job better. there was a possibility to make it a temp to perm, BUT he got passed up because he had only been there 3 months. and i believe it was the perm job I saw on indeed and wanted to apply for.

why didnt he apply for the perm job? Im sure he did, and thats when they told him, sorry, you havent been here long enough, even though youre the top performer.

ok. so that means they never planned to hire externally. which is good. why not promote someone. or in this case, temp to perm.  and i am a fan of promoting from within. and yes seniority does mean something to me.

but i wish they wuld have found a way to keep him on because he is very capable and deserves a bigboy job. his big career objective is just to become a damn tier 2 already because he is sick of being tier 1 support. answering stupid calls in a call center. 1 year at our place, 4 years at goddamn COMCAST, he should be made a SAINT for that. GOD DAMN. all he wants to do is get off tier 1 phones. and he is more than deserving.  but noooooooo.  thats too much for a smart white boy to ask. also he has very good people skills.

now i didnt trust him because i saw him as direct competition for That Woman, and also I think he is a Recovering Autist who probably made a conscious effort to become so Charming, and i am jealous of people who have actually succeeded in that struggle, where i have failed hahaha.

i have been looking for some fresh funeral doom metal and esoteric might be good. i have heard about them for 20 years (well, maybe 15 hahahaha) but never actually listened to them.

anyway. that guy deserves a decent job off the phones but i hate how women can Spread So Easy for someone with just a little bit of charm. well, he was kinda handsome too. there should be a law hahahaha. dont spread for a man until you have known him a YEAR. they say the Mask Slips after a year hehehehe.

heh my mask didnt slip. i didnt have ulterior motives. i just got a new mask hahahaha. no i was never wearing a mask with her. my FACE changed. damn. and she can go spread her coont for charming handsome men from tinder. i bet this guy is on tinder hahahaha.

but damn 4 years answering phones at comcast, he’s entitled to anything he wants after that living hell.

but yeah should give this one a fair chance too, of course im familiar with the name for the past 10 years or more hahaha.

yeah i just hate not knowing what to do, and the people who do know are too busy to really help you, and push you to figure it out, which all wouldnt be so bad if you had some actual time and didnt have the person waiting on hold for you to explain the shit to them!

contacted to do a written test for part time city job which pays 15 an hour and i would LOVE to get.

so stupid though. there is only one chance to take the test. they get like 20-30 people in a room to take the test all at once. people have lives and families. you can schedule an interview, why cant you schedule the test. it REALLY smacks of making people jump through obviously pointless hoops. i hope they are not promising somebody else this job and REALLY making us al jump through hoops even more than i am thinking!

thing is, i already went through TWO testing sessions with city HR for another very very very similar job. a 4 hour written test session with 2 tests that were very similar. another 2 hour session on word and excel. 2 or 3 interviews, i cant even remember. and still nothing.

why cant they use my “scores” from those previous tests and just call me in for a fookin INTERVIEW?

when in the end, even if i get an interview, theyll be like, oh yeah dont pick him, he’s got a long gap.

but i am damn sure counting this as .5 of an interview to add to my count there!

the only thing that could make this stupider is if they are interviewing for an ELIGIBILITY LIST for Possible Jobs in the Future. I recall there was an actual goddamn posting.

but what did the posting say…….

oh fuggggg. it does say that. it is for a goddamn eligibility list. that lasts for 2 years. well at least its 2 years and not 6 months hahahahaha.

maybe GOD is calling me to be permanently unemployed just as he is calling me to never have a white waifu and white children.

maybe GOD is calling me to have a nonwhite waifu and nonwhite children!!!!!

because we know GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS!!!!!!!!

that would be SO BAD though. Why cant GOD respect the white race? there are other God Worshippers who are able to be pro-white! AYO HOL UP! R U TELLIN ME GOD isn’t actually pro-white?

that would suck!

 

heheheh his family and friends still like his ex gf AND the other man and dont care that she cheated on him with the other man. i hope reddit doesnt tell him to “just get over it you controlling jealous abuser” because this literally is stupid and offensive hahaha.

thankfully reddit agreed, yes this bitch is evil, give your family an ultimatum and tell them to stop being friends with her.

you never know with reddit.

this funeral doom sounds bretty good

just got into the mood for some slow funeral doom, no excuses no apologies. but i want it to be kinda pure. like no black metal in there. not ruling out the desire for funeral doom with a touch of black metal. see: abyssmal sorrow? something like that. warning: might have drum machine, i HATE drum machines in metal. also this band lycus. def no drum machine there.

i mean it might be time to break out the EVOKEN hahahaha.

i remember when i was in high school first finding out about black metal and doom metal, EVOKEN were a new and exciting band, and i was on board with them before “quietus” came out, IE 15 years + ago hahahaha. then i lost track of them.

music schmusic who cares really. i wonder what these guys do for work hahahaha. probably make 70k a year in skilled trades hahahaha and have 3 kids apiece, nice white wives. WELL GOOD FOR THEM.

then they shouldnt abandon their families to be in a metal band, EVEN IF they are in one of the Best Current Funeral Doom Metal Bands.  not even Good Music is worth abandoning families over.

but they only do 1 album every 4 years. maybe they dont abandon their families.

well, i hope not.

heh. once i wrote a review of either “quietus” or “embrace the emptiness”, one of my tryhard 10,000 word reviews, and the band liked it and put it on their website. that was pretty neat. this was no later than 2001 hahaha.

so evoken if you are reading this, NEVER ABANDON YOUR FAMILIES. TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN. BE GREAT FATHERS TO THEM. retire from the band if it ever becomes an either or thing.  your childrens well being is worth more than any DOOM METAL.

says a guy who likes doom metal and has been an evoken fan for 17 years hahahahahahaha. i get it. if anyone gets it, i do, hahahaha. i love black metal and some doom metal hehehehe.

but you know what i luv more than black metal and doom metal?

HUHWHYTE FAMILIES!!!!!! WHITE WAIFUS AND WHITE CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!!!

So yeah I really dont WANT God to call me to be single & childless OR have a nonwhite waifu OR nonwhite children.

i took a 50% dose of nyquil hhehehehe

got 3 job applications in today and 6.8 miles of powerwalking. netcalories of 1044 with goal of 1200. so ok i guess it was good day right. welp would have liked to do more job apps or gotten more calories off. but when you want to do BOTH, i guess its not too bad. really the more important thing is job. i should stop trying to lose weight. but would easing up on that REALLY improve my job search THAT much? i dunno.

 

 

COMMON COURTESY IS A REASONABLE EXPECTATION

sept 14

i dont WANT an EXPLANATION of WHY, I already know WHY, that’s nothing. I jsut wanted to be treated nicer, like a human being, like i mattered, like our Rel mattered, like it was an important rel between two human beings. sheeeeeit i already know WHY. the WHY is not important. I just wanted more kindness and gentleness and less ice coldness hahahaha. treat me and our Past Rel with DIGNITY.

i dont are about why. i already KNOW why. case closed. i just wanted to know what she was thinking regarding hurting me. did you really WANT to HURT me? and WHY was THAT?

other thing: besides being humiliated on a personal level, i felt humiliated on a woring level: i failed at this job, while she succeeded at the same job. She could handle it, I couldn’t. She’s moving up, I’m moving down. I cant handle REAL LIFE as good as her. She is a winner, i am a loser, and losers like me dont deserve to associate with winners like her. and maybe thats why she rejected me so brutally on a personal level. because i was just inferior scum in every conceivable way. i was like the slimiest, most scheming little sleazy greasy joo to her.

and i think abotu how women Botch Relationships and Emotioanlly Overreact (I screwed up TOO but she screwed up WAY more), and I think, how the hell can women do JOBS and make 13 dollars an hour??? you need to make GOOD decisions! you need to have a record of excellence! you need to communicate clearly and decisively! women cant do this shit! they are like a 50 foot baby with a flamethrower! how can they be mature enough to handle a 13 an hour job, LET ALONE a 20 dollar an hour job??!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?

she never made flashcards! she never looked at old cases! she never studied when she went home! she never did homework! yet i failed and she succeeded! I wanted to know how shit worked, she just said idk lol! and got a man to help her! and she is the winner and i am the loser at life! FOOK THAT SHIT!!!! FOOK THIS GAY EARTH.mov

maybe i should embrace hating women like i embracing being a racist.

so i thought, well i dont even HATE other races, i just dont think races can coexist all that well. but women of my own race annoy the shit out of me just as much or even more than people of other races!

and this is not good, i thought. it jsut doesnt feel like something natural or sustainable the way being a racist feels pretty natural. i dont really WANT To hate women in other words.

also, for a man like me who wants so much to be a father and have children…..i dont think its a good idea for a Good Father to HATE WOMEN!!!!!!!

Good Fathers don’t hate women, they get along with women and teach their children how to get along with women!

so yeah in order to level up to pull good women, i need to learn how to deal with low level trash women on okcupid hahahaha.

i guess muh goals in life were never specific enough. find a nice gf. that became find a nice gf and make her muh waifu. as i got older. then that became have children with the waifu. and also get a 13 dollar an hour job with benefits and weekends off that doesnt drive me crazy. that is all.

maybe GOD is not calling me to be a father though. or even to be married. some people are called to be SINGLE 4 LYFE. Its just very weird though. cuz some of my biggest goals were to be married, have children. now GOD is telling me that i’m WRONG??!?!?! these arent horrible ungodly things! GOD LUVS marriage and family and so do I!!!!!!

but maybe  this is not what GOD has meant for me and my life. which is frustrating, because, like i just said, god LUVS marriage and family!

so i thought that well, maybe i’m supposed to be single and childless and I can still support marriage and family by…..doing marriage and family related work. it just seems frustrating though. that all these people can get married, have families and children, some of them are totally shitty too. and i’m meant to SUPPORT families, but i’m not allowed to have a family myself? it sounds CRUEL and SADISTIC!!!! like TORTURE!!!!! God doesnt just TEST us, he TORTURES us!!!!!!!! why the hell CANT I have a family?

well, besides I am totally not ready for it. but i really should be at this age. I mean realistically i have too many ISSUES to be a husband and father. unfortunately. but its the truth.

also, i want to know if i did something terrible, SO I DONT DO IT AGAIN IN THE FUTURE!!!!!!!

i dont want to fook things up this bad again!!!!!!

but again thats an unknown. most likely i didnt do anything horribly wrong, like lie or cheat where i really AM the bad guy at fault. sometimes that shit DOES happen. sometimes it IS your fault.  sometimes you ARE the bad guy.

it would have almost been better if she said YOUR THE BAD GUY, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

heh. maybe.

i hate making mistakes, but i might hate NOT KNOWING if i made a mistake or not even MORE!

i mean if i ever get feelings for a friend again, i WILL handle it differently, namely, tell them assertively and quickly.

oh yeah. when women think “ALL GUYS LOOK AT PORN.”

WRONG! so yeah that is triggering. they havent met me yet! I dont look at porn because it is jooish filth that ruins women and men! poisons the mind and soul!!!! i actively do NOT watch porno and can’t imagine wanting to watch it EVER AGAIN!!!!!! its DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!

applied for 5th job today. army related job. administering asvab tests hahahaha. 15 an hour. found out it was casual/intermittent, meaning no benefits. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. thats the whole reason to get a fedgov job!

well i did not see that until i was 80% done with the grueling 16 minute application hahahaha.

NOTE: the first time you apply for a USAJOBS job, it will take MUCH longer to build your superresume, get all your shit together etc.

all guys do not look at porn, just the manly men you date hahahahaha

omega male sex negative neets think porn is disgusting degeneracy hahahahaha but we are invisible to women so…..

Women SHOULD be CAUTIOUS, they can get PREGNANT!!!!!

BE MORE CAUTIOUS! SHOW MORE CAUTION! DISCRETION!

how can someone with the maturity level of a CHILD make an ABOVE AVERAGE INCOME???? make WAY MORE THAN ME?

also it sucks when they are much more mature with other people, and super immature with you.

then you wonder, what did I do, so I don’t do it again!

but what you did was not super duper offensive, but just basic bitch communication mistakes.

besides, if you are doing something SUPER wrong, like lying or cheating…….you usually KNOW it, and you think, welp, I can GET AWAY with this, they’ll never find out. nothing like that here.

TEN dollar an hour job where posting calls for EIGHTY wpm typing. i have 60.

EIGHTY words a minute for TEN dollars an hour. 

wtf?

113 people applied, so i should apply too hehehehe.

i have a great SUPPORT SYSTEM, so why the hell am i so insecure and unstable and struggling and on the edge?

i have to remember, i dont hate all women. this woman i see at my weekly game, she is very nice and good and i like her and she doesnt annoy me. when i first met her, she kind of annoyed me a little but now i totally appreciate and like her. too bad i am not in luv with her hahahaha. i really didnt have any of that interest in her. not a slut either. darn near asexual which was starting to become weird…..but in the past few years she met a good decent man and they are getting married. pretty much a perfect situation there. he is pretty masculine and not a niceguy wimp pvssy like me, but i get the idea that he has morals and was not a degen womanizer at any point.

separate website for FBI jobs, they are not posted on USAJOBS………i dont think.

ok applied for gs05, 32k level job with air force. it specialist hahahahaha. now this is more like it. there are some fedgov bennies hahahaha. however no specific openings at my local air force base. might never be an opening hhehehe.

ok 6 jobs for today hehehe good enough.

well 7 would be better but i am getting back on the horse. i mean SHEEEEEEEIT, i might have to get to 600 jobs. at 600 i will start sucking dicks for recruiters until i become blacklisted by every recruiter in town. there are a lot of recruiters in town! sometimes it seems there are more recruiters than nonrecruiters hahahaha.

anyway im saying it would take MANY YEARS for me to burn through every recruiter in town.

but yeah it bothers me that a person can be more successful than me yet be a lot more immature than me…..and i am pretty immature.

also, i was the one putting myself out there. she wasnt really putting herself out there at all. she COULD HAVE. in the sense that it would have took some agency and initiative to Respond to the Request, and say Listen, I’m Not Interested, Let’s End this in a good way.

but no she just shut down entirely.

i did not shut down entirely regarding HER.

i did kinda shut down regarding my job and my life.

but its impossible to communicate or deal with a person who SHUTS DOWN.

basically, she shut down, I didnt. I was begging her not to shut down.

yeah, i shouldnt have BEGGED…….but jeez. if someone is begging you, just humor them. i dunno. ive never had anyone BEG me before. I imagine i would write them an email hahahahha.

SHE SHUT DOWN, I DIDNT.

you cant do anything with someone who shuts down. cant communicate, cant make the best of a bad situation. shutting down is abotu the worst communication there is. i did bad communication but not this bad. i didnt shut down.

how can SHE make more money than me and be more successful at life than me???!?!?!?!?!

and in relships too. she had a 4 year relship that could have resulted in marriage. i have never had a long term monog committed rel with a woman, ever.  that in itself is a damn red flag to women, and i have to damn lie about it essentially, or just avoid talking about it.

but i also feel like i havent been given a fair CHANCE. give me a CHANCE and dont GIVE UP and WALK OUT on me. im not THAT bad!!!!!!!! i honestly believe that! im not perfect but im not THAT bad!!!!!!!

i dont SHUT DOWN. I’ll write you a longass email before I shut down. Or leave you a 5 minute voice mail of me rambling. i will tell you whats on my mind in great detail!!!!!!!!! look at this blog!!!!!!

http://www.theabsolute.net/misogyny/onwomen.html

dont look for a redpilled woman, you wont find a decent one. just find a nice decent wholesome woman who has not taken too many dix and you can make her redpilled.

i have known this for a while, i am very comfortable being the red pill person hahahaha. just want a wholesome, moral, decent, nice, woman, thats all.

fook politics, fook redpills, fook race, fook music, fook taste, fook coolness. dont sweat the small stuff hehehe.

she will prove her race loyalty simply by not being interested in fooking nonwhites. and OF COURSE she WILL say something like “but Im not racist, i swear!” im not so autistic any more that I want a woman to say “yes Im proud to be a racist!” for a woman, thats just WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!! for a man, its pretty cool tho.

its very similar to when i was young, i thought it would be so cool to find a waifu who liked METAL. now im smart enough to know that would be a fooking clusterfook. it would be similar to find a full on 1488 waifu. they would prob be bipolar, borderline, and fooking ingras in 6 months.

note: i don’t think That Woman was Over the line crazy like that. she was acceptable levels of normie female crazy. she just greatly disappointed me is all. she is still way less evil than average. a good person who did something very disappointing to me. shit i would take her back in an instant hahahahaha.

i mean women are just not good at making real world judgments and doing things in the real world. yet they make shitloads more money at jobs in the real world. when they have no real SKILL in the real world! i mean when it comes to SERIOUS shit in the real world,  you’d be a fool to trust a woman! they jsut dont have it! and i dont say that to be mean! its just the way it is! its just not a good match for them! their skill set is elsewhere! namely, raising children. and heres the thing, that can of course be extremely compromised as well. in the current year. so many times it appears that many women are good for absolutely NOTHING.

i mean many women in the real world are literally good for absolutely nothing. its sad and horrifying and it didnt have to be that way.

and that woman, she was not one of those worthless women. like i say, i hurts a lot more to be rejected by the good, decent women. those are the ones that take longest to get over. because something of great value was lost. as opposed to something of no value. or negative value hahahaha.

i guess i should meditate on this real life woman i know who is not a piece of garbage, but actually a decent, good, wholesome, moral person. nope she is not redpilled, nope she is not politically minded, yes she likes the worst music and tv shows and movies ever.  but she has good morals, has lived according to those morals, and would make a good wife and mother. perfect. i am not attracted to her but i wish I were. well actually not, because she is getting married and good for them i say. its about time. really she’s getting married a little late at like age 29 or 30, but better late than never in her case.

so whenever i think of That Woman, i should replace her with thoughts of This Woman. Yes.

and i dont think even if you cut muh balls off it would even help. my secsual libido is not the problem. its loving people who are gone, unavailable, and never luved me.

ok want to get in at least 2 applications before my afternoon powerwalk hahaha.

ok got in 3 but they were so low energy. local shitty hospital using ultipro ATS. it kinda incentivizes low energy applications. 3 to 5 minutes each. can only have one resume/packet on there at a time. ideally this is ideal, and employers wouldnt care if you only took 3 minutes on an app vs 30 minutes. but of course they do. and if you spend only 3 minutes, you will get screened out.

yeah tv is really triggering. i usually have it on as background noise……..but i really SHOULDNT. this is not a value added strategy hahahaha.

got 3 apps in real quick. the jobs.com site said full time but 2 were ACTUALLY part time. i dont think this is intentional. i think it is just basic incompetence from whoever manages the jobs.com postings. basic bitch not knowing how to do your job so you just Fudge It and pretend like you know what youre doing…..even though you have no idea of best practices. this is very common. this is the norm hahahaha. norm 4 normies. normies gonna norm hahahahaha.

ok time for powerwalk.

ok did 4.18 mile pwalk. listened to azzmador talking with grandpa lampshades.

ok this isnt the exact one but i should listen to this one.

they are both total laid back southern gentlemen, i have difficulty telling them apart hahahaa except azzmador has a slightly deeper voice. but i love this laid back, polite, friendly, southern hospitality.

very j00 wise alt right type guys who each do their own podcasts but not on trs. but i am sure they approve of trs. they are not renegade tier or anything hahahahaha.

heh. if i am going to have children i cant afford, i might as well do that with some woman i am madly in luv with and would never want to leave hahahaha. of course she could veyr well want to leave me!

because honestly i cant EVER imagine being ABLE to afford children!

heh. i could probably smoke MJ all day, then take the next 2 days off, and then my system would be clear to pass a drugs test. thats pretty good right?

ok how about 3 days.

really the best think i can do is powerwalking hahaha. i wish i was as good about lifting. but powerwalking is my strength, muh skill set, and i want to be the best powerwalker i can be hahaha.

the other thing i naturally do is writing this trash……………… and tbh the powerwalking is a lot BETTER FOR ME.

the writing CAN be good SOMETIMES but it can EASILY go both ways.

the walking cannot. the walking is ALWAYS good. cant go wrong. win win.

these women are NIHILISTIC and SOCIOPATHIC. the horrible lives they lead. the empty, shallow relationships. the things they value. MORAL INVERSION. NIHILISTIC and SOCIOPATHIC. treating people like OBJECTS.

i have been antsy since not having an interview is a while. and i am at 18.5 and i need to get to at LEAST 25. meaning 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, and 24 are all gonna be worthless. other than getting me one closer to magic 25.

but 25 isnt magic! like i say, on the whole, i feel i do PRETTY GOOD on interviews! i mean i dont SLAM DUNK it, but i still feel i do well enough to get an offer before 25!

bridget jones baby? a 50 year old slut with tons of grotesque plastic surgery creating a miserable innocent life out of her 50 year old adolescent sluttery? absolutely disgusting! if i didnt have the tv on i would never have seen that bullshit movie commercial!

women cannot give good advice basically. if you ever need HELP with figuring something out, god forbid you go to a woman. they might mean well, but my god they cannot give good advice. they MIGHT mean well though. that does count for something. but dear god dont take their awful advice. what makes /r/relships so shitty is all the WOMEN chiming in with their shitty advice. i need a MEN ONLY forum. but not necessarily a MGTOW or got forbid GAME forum. but 99% of Men Only forums are going to be MGTOW, MRA, or Game.

well, not TRS though. but TRS doesn’t have a relationship section. but they should hahahahaha.

MAYBE I SHOULD START IT hahahahaha.

I think it would go over better than me starting a Neet Section.

but I DO like having a Neet Blog which is very Alt Right!

like women will tell you that college and career is more important than a rel, and encourage people to break up just because theyre YOUNG and those early relships NEVER work out, you have a chance for a great FUTURE by getting into a Top 50 school, so just break up with so and so even though u luv them. bullshit advice like that.

women are so BLUE PILL on things like college. they were encouraging another woman who had left a 45k a year job so she could go back to COLLEGE and become a TEACHER. holy SHIT.  thats exactly the kind of bad advice women give. because you’ll be so glad you got your teaching degree and now make 20k a year with part time sub jobs and no health care. babysitting feral black chirren.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/52xouc/recently_my_girlfriend_20_f_and_i_19_m_of_25/

not a lot of commentary right now. but i want more people to say yeah she is really an ice cold bitch, not “it doesnt matter, youre not entitled to anything.” no, of course he’s not, but IT WOULD BE NICE if she could DIGNIFY A 3 YEAR RELSHIP by not meeting these sleazy new friends, staying up till 6 am, going on tinder right in front of him. show some COURTESY for the HEART you are breaking and the Long Term Relationship you are Single Handedly Ending, I would tell her.

dont tell him “its over, get over it.”

yes of COURSE he should go no contact but give him some moral support at least. damn. judge her behavior as shitty and sleazy!!!!!!! judge her as the bad guy here!!!!!! because she is!!!!!!!!!!!

now i dont talk too much shit about That Woman. Sometimes sure. but not overall. most of this is just me grieving and moaning and whining. but i can’t say what a shitty person she was…….because she wasnt. she was honestly a good decent wholesome person who just dropped the ball here and disappointed me greatly. but it wasnt because she was a shitty, horrible person. she just fight or flight and shut down. she could be a great wife and mother to a different man.

ok i turned off the tv and am listening to beethovens 1st symphony. not sure why. just wanted some classical music symphony fast. something that wasnt too jooish. and that is a symphony.

she doesnt NEED to consider your feelings. again, technically correct, but to tell the guy that…..that is weak womanly advice. no, she doesnt need to, but she SHOULD, after 2-3 YEARS, show him some god damn COMMON COURTESY.

COMMON COURTESY IS A REASONABLE EXPECTATION.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/52wdvu/i_31m_am_having_an_extremely_hard_time_moving_on/

she wants to be just friends, he thinks he needs to go no contact and cant do just friends because she broke up with him and he still wants her. he sees her at bar, is drunk, gets emotional, now he’s the bad guy. come on. meanwhile she’s tweeting about fooking strangers off tinder. god damn. so he’s supposed to be cool with the love of his life dumping him and fooking randos. and hes the bad guy for getting upset once. come on.

COMMON COURTESY from the woman is a reasonable expectation. not tweeting about EVIL DEGENERATE NIHILISTIC SOCIOPATHIC casual secs and being a filthy, degenerate whore. he has every right to be upset. yes he should go no contact.

so yeah. whatever happened to common courtesy. human decency. early termination fee. treat the person youre dumping with respect and kindness because THIS HURTS THEM.

casual secs IS unqualifiably degenerate, and she wants to throw away something good and wholesome, to do degenerate filth. of course he has a right to be upset.

at the very least she shouldn’t be pushing him to be friends, to understand that he is hurt, and needs no contact.

what did SHE do when Chad dumped her? probably some really shameful things trying to get chad back! and then fooked a bunch of casuals when chad laughed in her face!

now she’s pissed at the guy SHE dumped because he’s having a hard time with it? what a fookin coont!!!!!

and when this bitch on reddit says yeah you did act like an asshole, he responded with yeah i know i feel so bad about it, i know i should apologize to her etc etc. i downvoted the bitch hahaha.

common courtesy. human decency. part of the social contract of having a relship is NOT BEING A PIECE OF SHIT WHEN YOU END THE REL.

HAVING THE RIGHT TO SINGLE HANDEDLY END THE REL SHOULD COME WITH THE RESPONSIBILITY OF NOT BEING A PIECE OF SHIT WHEN YOU END IT. 

so many women didnt get that memo. too immature.

and i dont care if i am making a should statement. THIS SHOULD BE A SHOULD STATEMENT!!!!!

STAND FOR SOMETHING OR YOU WILL FALL FOR ANYTHING.

STAND UP FOR WHATS RIGHT, GOOD, JUST, TRUE, AND BEAUTIFUL.

DONT BE A PIECE OF SHIT.

DONT BE A NIHILISTIC SOCIOPATH.

DONT BE A JOO.

now that is the type of lecturing i can support!

i would be a great lecturer. sermonizer.

oh but they broke up 4 months ago so everybody should be KEWL, thats plenty of time to get comfortable with the love of your life dumping you, without willing to work on it, and fook randoms, and youre the bad guy to get upset at that and not want to be her platonic friend and hear about her degen secs life. god damn fooking degenerates. i am this close to private messaging the guy and telling him he is totally in the right and not to listen to that bitch that said “he definitely fooked up”. fook that bitch!

RELATIONSHIP BILL OF RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES.

you HAVE to include the Ending Terms in their too.

THE ENDING IS PART OF THE RELATIONSHIP.

so yeah it IS her concern, it IS her business. if she can end it on her whim, then she has to put forth good faith, good will, and effort to do the WORK necessary to end it at her whim. and that involves human decency, common courtesy, and not being a piece of shit. wow. i guess if you ask for that, then you are the bad guy.

you’re the bad guy if you think casual secs is degenerate and bad and a terrible way to finish off a beautiful LTR.

cuz its all the same, theres no good or bad or right or wrong.

and this is 30 year old people with professional careers, level 2 and above making 60k a year, saying all this disgusting shit.

FOOK THIS GAY EARTH!

and she has NO IDEA why the guy is upset! unbelievable! a 29 year old woman with the maturity of a 12 year old and she makes more money than i ever will!!!! unbelieveable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED!!!

DUMP PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE DUMPED!!!!!

how can all these WOMEN not even BEGIN to understand that????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

no not all women. but a good 50% of them hahahahaha.

half of them are in this basket of deplorables hahahahahaha

its amazing you have to shout these Things I Learned In Kindergarten to Grown Fooking Women.

well remember its not all women. only HALF of women, hahaha.

oh but the ending isnt part of the relationship, these sneaky little j’s claim. i dont have ANY responsibilities the second i say “im done” and walk out.

that is an extremely JOOISH view of humanity and human relations. all these sneaky little loopholes, just like a joo trying to joo you out of service. sorry goy thats not in the contract. here’s the thing, there is no real contract. no exchanges, no refunds, no service, thanks for the money, chump!

theyve turned our women into sneaky little joos!!!!!!

i dont want to talk to women, i dont want to read womens stupid thoughts. the only time i will listen to a woman is if she is being NICE and PLEASANT. women CAN be good at that when they want to be. having just utterly harmless, charming, nice small talk, just being damn NICE. its really not that hard. doesnt take a lot of effort, energy, or creativity. just be nice. dont be an annoying, unscrupulous joo.

sept 2016: i keep hearing hearsay that millennial woes got a ladyfriend and that it is makign him more confident and masculine. I HOPE SO!!! GOOD FOR YOU LAD!!!!!!

I luv MW but havent listened to him lately cuz i dont luv the hangouts. anyway i would be VERY happy if he got a nondegen waifu, he DESERVES a good waifu, and indeed it would help him become an even better man…..as waifus can potentially do. shit it would help ME!

sept 16

yeah so i dont care that mw had a gay past, except that it makes him kinda neurotic and despairing and has consequences for his current mental/emo health, but he can certainly mitigate those consequences, and i believe he has done that. now i just hope his gf isnt a degen bitch who dumps him and breaks his heart because that could really set him back. i know. hahahahaha. remember he also fell in luv with a WOMAN before and when she rejected him, that broke his heart for YEARS and that hurt him a LOT. ive been there hahahaha.

i mean yeah this is what i am obsessed with. muh white whale. muh wheelhouse. relships between men and women. period. that is what i should do my career in. period.

so funny. for most normies this is just an accepted part of life. you get a gf and bang and sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesnt, but you just keep going until at age 25 you find someone you could probably marry and then you marry them, have children, and maybe they divorce you in 5-10 years.

but theres no need to study and obsess and analyze because you know you have the tools to be in a serious LTR because you’ve been in them before or you’re in one now!

since i have never been, i just don’t know that i have the Tools. and that is part of my obsession, studying How Women Are, and How Men Are, and the nuts and bolts of communication, problem solving etc.

when REALLY, i probably ALREADY HAVE the Tools i need, i just havent found the right woman. who is willing to let me use those tools hahaha.  because they were never WILLING. they were not OPEN, they just wanted to WALK AWAY. because they Just Werent That Into Me. but it they WERE, then I would have the Tools and the Communication Skills to make it last at least a year!

but yeah these normie women are like ROBOTS. date a guy, fook him, fall in “luv”, get some abortions, fall out of luv, dump him, and IMMEDIATELY start the whole process again with a new guy. it sounds both EXHAUSTING and DISGUSTING. how can you do that? how can people be so interchangeable to you? how can this “closeness” be so casual and meaningless????!!?!?! its NIHILISTIC AND SOCIOPATHIC!!!! and exhausting and disgusting hahaha and grotesque and horrifying, very blackpill.

but maybe IM the fooked up one because i take this shit too SERIOUSLY!!!!! and when i get heartbroken it takes TWO YEARS to get over them! whereas with NORMIES it takes 2 months before they are fooking other degens!

hehehehe i luv muh waifus literally TWELVE TIMES more than normie degen women luv their men!!!!!

but yeah it makes me think that normie degens incl half of women just dont Luv People the same way I do. or at least at much less of an intensity. And when the difference in Degree is Twelvefold, it may as well be a difference in Kind!!!! a different kind of luv!!!!!!!!

and how do you have a real sustainable LTR when you luv them TWELVE TIMES more than they luv you??!?!?!

that gives them absolute power over you and spells IMMINENT DOOM for the rel. period. they WILL leave you and you WILL be devastated for the next 2 years. what a terrible way to LIVE hahahaha.

basically i need to find another WEIRDO whos luv meter is turned way up to 12 in order to have a lasting thing where i dont get dumped because a huge interest mismatch!!!!

heh all this is not productive writing at all. it is pretty much a nonstop circle of Negative Thoughts. and i need to Rip Out negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts, by any means necessary.

even at the expense of Truth!

like how i should replace all thoughts of That Woman with This Other Woman I know who is very very nice and wholesome and is getting married soon. just cut and paste. i should also cut and paste with some sort of positive replacement to the negative thoughts that FILL this blog.

powerwalking is good.

well, not ALL of this post is bad!

WHEN I AM MAKING SERMONIZING STATEMENTS LIKE THIS, those are usually pretty good. even the righteous anger ones. there is nothing inherently negative about righteous anger!

despair, however, yes. that is INHERENTLY BAD.

righteous anger good. despair bad.

so, when i am going into despair or other negative realm, then switch it with something positive: thinking of this wholesome woman, statements of righteous anger, powerwalking, or something productive like Job Searching. cranking out the Apps. getting closer to 500-600. how about 550 hahahahahaha.

job apps themselves cause both righteous anger (good) and despair (bad.) i guess the solution there is, once again, maximize the good and minimize the bad.

turn the brain from a negative thought machine, to a negative thought killing machine!!!!!

so here is a remaster of ulvers classic nattens madrigal. i dont usually like remasters and i dont have anything against the intentionally raw production of the original, which is really not that bad………BUT my concern is literally for hearing and ear health. you could literally damage your hearing with this album, even though it is actually very clear in terms of being able to comprehend and ingest the music. and is quite listenable!

but that high end is just so maxed out that it hurts the ear. i feel this 2014 remaster might be a bit more forgiving while jsut as listenable.

its also got demo versions of some of the tracks which is great. the demos sound great EXCEPT they dont have any vocals, and garm was truly a gifted BM singer.

it just sucks thinking that all of your life goals:  getting a good waifu, having children, and having a job to support that family that doesnt drive you to self-destructive madness, that all these goals are out of your reach. the best you can hope for is a 12 dollar an hour deadend job and then you get your outside-of-work satisfaction by smoking MJ, powerwalking, listening to podcasts and music, and dnating to 1488 causes. which are not bad things, well probably the MJ is, but you just cant stop thinking about the nice waifu and the family you want to have, but youre just too old and fooked up to be able to attain that.

ok stop those are despairing thoughts, lets replace them with righteous anger or job seraching or powerwalking or other positive thoughts or actions.

well i just came back from a 4.2 miles powewalk. listened to natt’s alcoholocaust ep 1 which wasnt as good as i expected. its just a mess and i cant even understand the bantz. i mean these are all good guys but still.

garm was 20 years old when they did nattens madrigal damn. now did he actually write the guitar riffs and such? i mean that is pretty important to me hahahaha. or was it that guy haavard who went on to do nothing special afterwards? i am sure garm knows how to handle a guitar, its really not hard, the important thing is having some sense of songwriting skill, which i never really had, and which i am sure he does.

ok i am gonna apply to this health system job, and while doing so, update my cover letter, which will add about 15 minutes or 10 to the apply time, but i have to measure this WORK somehow. because it is important, measureable, billable, measureable, timeable work that I am totally entitled to COUNT.

un fooking believeable. a super huge application, already at 45 minutes, longest ever, doing a phaggy ass personality test and intelligence test, when the internet goes out in the middle of the test. i am actually happy to do intelligence tests to prove that i am intelligent, and if it gives me like a 1 in 10 chance of getting an interview (as opposed to the usual 1 in 25 chance)….but god damn this is frustrating.

had to reboot compt to get internet connected again. i blame windows 10. 77 minutes total. a new record!

ok. assuming 15% of the job application time could be added to calculated how much time it takes to FIND the jobs (ie, going through lists, reading postings, and decided yes i should apply, vs, no way, dont even waste your time), in other words, about 2 minutes for every 13 minute application, ie 15 minutes total; and 1.5 hours spent on each interview (prob a little low tbh; we are including travel time, interview time, and im not sure about prep/study time), for 18.5 interviews, and 418 applications, we are up to  132 hours total for the entire job search. really a little LOW tbh fam. on $1716 worth of time at $13 an hor, although more realistically my price should be more like 12 an hour.

sorry i meant 419 jobs so far. please dont fire me.

so i was listening to the am grey podcast on feminism, and adams waifu said she was disturbed seeing a man and a woman holding hands where the womans hand was on top, and they used that as a powerful symbol that men are passive and not leading anymore.

i thought DAMN, the women I’ve been associated with would just DUMP ME before even GETTING to that point!!!!!

they wouldnt stick around long enough to LET that happen! they would have ALREADY dumped me for being a wimpy passive spineless doormat!

so why are these women not just walking out on these men? wouldn’t they get disgusted the first time they put their hand on top, and say, im done with you, you weak wimp?

that was what i was asking. i have been dumped for MUCH LESS. why are these women staying with these phaggots in the first place?

i cant even remember how i held hands with women, its been like 11 years since i held hands with a woman hahahaha.

saw a profile picture on soundcloud of somebody who photoshopped dat boi into the famous vietnam photo of the running people being napalmed and the little naked girl. dat boi had replaced the naked girl.

ok finally found it

2016-09-16_20h39_22

YOURE WELCOME hahahahaha

updated Standard Cover Letter with Sentence explaining Employment Gap. ok there. not much more I can do about that. But I think its a small, maybe larger than small, improvement on something that was already damn good and should be more than enough to get me a 13 an hour job.

ok i swear i wont go lower than 12 an hour hahahaha.  so i guess i am at 12-13 now depending on my mood hahahaha.

good thing SHE is making like 16 an hour!

but i dont know that!

but there’s a 75% chance she is!

ok so what does it MATTER then?

because like i said 100000000000000000 times, i dont like her BEATING me at the game of life!

why not?

because i hate her proving she is BETTER than me.  because it adds INSULT TO INJURY.

why?

because she injured me, now she is insulting me.

why?

see now we are getting into the circular part.

yeah i know THEORETICALLY it doesnt matter.

but IN THE REAL WORLD, it ABSOLUTELY DOES MATTER how much money people make, and how women view men who make less money than they do. they view them as totally worthless and inferior.

i dont view people in those terms. but im not a woman. im not PROGRAMMED to care about status in that way!

i mean as a male i do care about ranking and hierarchy………but not in that same visceral sexual or loving way. i know what peoples status is In The Real World, but I know it has no real bearing on their worth as a person.

but it has VERY REAL BEARING on their worth in the MATING MARKET!!!!!!!!1

and the mating market is VERY important to me because one of my MAIN LIFE GOALS is to find  a good wife and have CHILDREN!!!!!!!!

so thats WHY all this shit MATTERS so much!!!!!!!

i am apparently an abuser because i notice slutty behavior and call sluts sluts. thats what abusers do. nonabusers dont have the word slut in their vocabulary hahahaha.

EVEN DEGENERATE POLYAMOROUS SLUTS COMMUNICATE

aug 13

you cant even talk to normies about this because theyll be like why were you SO devastated? why didnt you just ignore her? just suck it up? why did you fall SO hard for someone you werent even fooking? why didnt you tell her earlier? its all my fault basically. and it kinda is. not that I MADE her withdraw all kindness, but I did kinda reap what I sowed in several ways.

but she was jsut as immature as i was, and usually 25 year olds are more mature than me hahahahaha. well she was a WOMAN though. women are naturally immature. like children. children who cant keep their legs closed hahahaha.

so yeah normies get their hearts broke but its not as big of a deal to them. or they dont fall so hard for someone they are not dating/fooking.  normies just wouldnt understand. they say yeaaaahhhh something is a little weird about this guy, and he should probably see a shrink and get on some meds already. oh he is? hmm well uhh maybe he should try some diff meds and a diff shrink, the current program isnt working so well hahahaha.

the ironic thing is, I think a Decent Monog Longterm Rel with a Woman WOULD help the majority of foreveralone despairing virgin men, give them real confidence in something that is really meaningful to them, and literally transform them. theyve wanted this for so long but never got it. dont you think them finally achieving it would change their lives?

but maybe it would be like winning the lottery. theyd find a way to fook it up.

i dunno. give them a CHANCE at least. if that woman gave me a CHANCE, i think i would have had a good chance of not fooking it up!

normies also dont understand why it takes us so LONG to get over somebody. so just virginsplain to them that if their wife with whom they have created new life just up and left them without a word and that was it, how long would it take THEM to get over THAT? at LEAST a year.

or the person just dropped dead suddenly one day. but still i think being left is WORSE than that, because you’re not certain that the person who dropped dead WANTED to LEAVE you. as far as you know, they still loved you till the very end.

so yeah this is rougher than a death hahahaha. because they WANT to leave you, they’re still alive out there fooking and loving OTHER guys, and they dont give a DAMN about you and your broken heart and the time you spent together. they’ve FORGOTTEN about you entirely. dead people cant forget you like this hahahaha. dead peopel arent moving on fooking and loving other people and enjoying life.

you can move on and enjoy all the cox and abortions and tyrones you want, just dump a person the right way, not the wrong way.

implying that women are even capable of doing things the right way.

hehehe well i KNOW they are, because OTHER women have dumped me the right way. and I appreciate it hahaha. thank you so much for dumping me the right way.

ok took shower, go to boring church today. i was trying to “fast” until 12pm, that would give me 18 hours of “fasting.” the old 18/6 as opposed to the 16/8 hahahahaha. i was starting to ger hungery so yeah. then ate 290 calorie breakfast/lunch.

ive been VERY good about not looking her up on linkedin or facebook or instagram or google. VERY good. so +1 to me hahahaha. i mean i wouldnt be able to see any more than her fb profile picture, but that’s bad enough. to even see ONE picture of her would be WAY too much.

then i think about people who are Friends with their Exes 4 Lyfe. I just cant wrap my mind around it at all!

i mean it could possibly be doable if BOTH peopel mutually agreed that the rel was over and that NEITHER person wanted to work on it. and NEITHER person wanted the other back. i guess I am envious to have such a Mutual, Amicable Breakup hahahaha.  seems a lot less stressful than knowing you have to restrain yourself from seeing even ONE picture or ONE comment or ONE reminder that they are still alive, for YEARS.

like i am thinking of these people i will see at this little labor day event. the one guy is married and has a kid and his wife and maybe kid will be there with him…..but he is still friends with his ex gf from 10 years ago! and they dated for several years and she was kinda crazy! and she is married to some other guy now. and she is going to this thing as well! they still see each other once a year or so! heh if i were his wife i would be suspicious hahahaha. its called a break up because its BROKEN hahahaha. but then youre jealous, youre the bad guy. maybe he gets a freecard to fook her hahahaha. now im just speculating. but this guy had a LOT more wild oats than me, he was pretty much an alpha male ladies man. now he has a good career and a nice wife and child. hehehehe funny to think that when  first met him he was an 18 year old kinda nerdy kid who had only had 1 GF hahaha (much more than i had had as a nerdy 18 year old hahaha) and I kinda Corrupted him by introducing him to MJ!!!!

well he turned out MORE than all right and I turned into a big loser hahaha. maybe winner normies can be issue free friends with their x’es. i just don’t want him to do anything DEGENERATE, because he’s a good guy and he can do BETTER than that. of course nothing degenerate has actually happened to my knowledge! i just think its weird to be friends with your x’s and to have the x at a holiday weekend with your wife and the wife is fine with it too!

meanwhile i have to make a concerted effort to never look at a single picture of HER ever again, and we didnt even date for 2-3 years and fook 6000000000000000 times like this guy and his x did!

so i am a bit jelly of a serious relationship ending without any Lingering Trauma hahahaha.

and they still have SOME sort of relationship technically!

how does his wife feel about this? how does her husbando feel about this? is she still married to the husbando? i dont think THEY had any kids. i dont fully trust her, although i always got along with her. i wouldnt want to be in a rel with her! she was kinda crazy, in the way that you can never fully trust crazy! she went on to be wildly successful and started doing a phd but then left after the masters level to make tons of money in Private Industry. probably not in a call center hahahaha.

i guess i am also envious of crazy people who can still be extremely successful despite their despair or bipolar or whatever.

anyway shes ok, she’s white, thats the main thing, so she should go down to part time and have some white kids. her husbando had a high paying job in finance or some shit. controller or CFO or some high level, high wealth Career. she can afford to take some time off and have babies. 3 of them. i think he’s white too. could be Jooish but I don’t think so. could be though. has dark hair. i never met him. but if he’s white, they should have kids. but she might pass her crazy on to them? she’s not a bad person though. would i trust her with homeschooling children? maybe. i mean having children could well be very good for her.

anyway i dont hate her, i just thought she was kinda weird, and i was a bit annoyed by her overachieving. it paid off in an impressive career though!

anyway i anticipate i will get along with her just fine, i always did before, and she was always nice to me and me to her. situation is just kinda weird is all. but theres no point for me to tell HER that! or him. if it doesn’t bother either of them, it doesnt matter.

i am just obsessed with Relationships in general. and getting Nosy into other people’s business.

especially if i KNOW the people, and there is anything weird about the rels. or the rels are ending or failing. i am interested in the Death of Rels hahahaha.

well their rel certainly didnt DIE! it changed, maybe downgraded, and in a mutual way! me and that woman, our rel just DIED. permanently. DNR. RIP. Although I for sure wanted to resuscitate it!

when you want something for so long, well its not like food and water, you wont DIE……but you do become TWISTED and WEIRD. to have an unscratchable itch for 10, 12, 14 years, and to never experience something that Normies experience.

in the mood for some depressive su1z1dal black metal, i hear this one is pretty good, and i actually remember listening to it like 4 years ago when i first discovered DSBM.

i recall it being ok. it gets good reviews.

i could very well be bipolar hahahaha. only i dont get manic episodes. i just get brief episodes where i am kinda wound up and not thinking straight. well that is a manic episode no? yeah but i am not staying up 3 days in a row Tweaking and doing impulsive shit. but i am generally “one extreme or the other” in my thoughts and attitudes. so maybe i have “mild bipolar” and taking some lithium would help me be more productive and successful.

churn out moar job apps, get thru moar interviews, and once i get a job, survive its shittiness one day at a time. put myself out on okcupid and try to get the table scraps there hahahaha. Post HER, I cant imagine ever Loving another woman again.

i mean why SHOULD you lower your standards when you are looking to spend the rest of your LIFE with somebody and you want to create THREE NEW LIVES with them? does it make ANY sense to lower your standards for that? FOOK NO!!!! Either I luv them the same or MORE than i luved her, or NO new lives will be created!!!!!!!!1111

WHY THE HELL SHOULD YOU CREATE NEW LIFE AND SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH SOMEBODY YOU ARE NOT MADLY IN LUV WITH?

or to rephrase that, someone you are just kinda “MEH” about. i realize Mad Luv fades, but i am implying that it Of COURSH follows with a deep, abiding, Loyal, Foundational, Strong, Faithful Luv.

coldworld just came out with his first album in 8 years hahahaha. cover is a little corny but album is allegedly good hahahaha.  not really DSBM as much as melancholic black metal hahahaha. i recall the melancholie2 album was decent. prob better with some MJ and good headphones hahahaha.

yeah well though i have trouble reaching muh goals, at least i have a good family and i am not a superfat slob anymore. still want to lose 10 more pounds tho. and it will be the hardest.

also now i have nice clothes to wear in the interview. and nice friends who remember me after years and invite me places. i mean i am kinda nervous because i dont have any stories to tell, and i am a huge loser and they are all happy winner normies. but i try to not ram my loser weirdo neetness down their throat, and try to be as normie as i can. play down my loserness and insecurity and self-loathing cuz i know that comes across as VERY overbearing. so i dont overbear others with it. just in this blog and when i am by myself!

i didnt overbear HER with it either, she had barely any idea how crazy i am! i just overbeared her with pathetic pleas to pleeeeeeease hang out with meeeeeeeeee pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease respond.

aug 14

just spent all day reading about metal, mainly DSBM, but some regular non DSBM like this quebec nationalist black metal band forteresse, sheeeeeit all sorts of black metal. very close to giving ruins of beverast another chance.

well lets just put it this way, i like metal Solo Projects with Real Drums. Drum machines suck. also when you add more people it risks diluting the musical vision and purity. 2-person bands are also ok.

so basically you just tell women you want to HANG OUT and then you use a little GAME and if the first “date” goes ok, then you can get a second date, and then you bang them on the second date. this is insanely slutty!

it is so insane and disgusting and horrifying that THAT WOMAN is doing exactly that with a carousel of guys she meets on dating sites and tinder!

i guess this is women’s programming to get pregnant as soon as possible, by any means necessary. and then you NEED to have an abortion or oops baby to teach you a lesson. and then you forget that lesson after a few months, become a slut again, and have another abortion or oops baby.

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

welp i generally dont like 80 minute albums but might as well dive in here. i think some dude MJ lmao and good headphones would help a lot here. unfortuantely i have neither hehehe.

well even the pickup guys who like to bang sluts say that half of women dont bang on the second date. this is great news.

heh maybe half of THEM bang on the THIRD date. so, 75% of women bang on 3rd date, 88% on 4th, 94% on 5th, 97% on 6th, 99% on 7th, hahahahaha. doing a little rounding there.

i dunno. i am still not over her. she was SPECIAL to me goddamn it! she wasnt some random slut! yet to other guys she wilfull presents herself as a random slut. unbelieveable. disgusting. revolting.

interview tomorrow for part time job. 12k a year hahahahaha. well at least its permanent part time hahahaha. and i have worked with this organization before. but it is IMPOSSIBLE to get a full time job here. you have to REALLY know someone powerful . i thought i did, but i either didnt know them well enough or they werent powerful enough. prob both.

went for powerwalk. lyrinx was meh, ruins of beverast was interesting, not as bad production as i expected, but still pretty rough.

anyway i dont like having a special rel thrown away like it was not special. it makes me think the WHOLE THING was an illusion….WHEN IT WASNT.

also, i probably did NOT do something HORRIBLY WRONG AND BAD…..although it was very confusing and bad for me because i got the same reaction as if i had, and it was ENTIRELY up to me to cnvince myself that i hadn’t! and i am not very good at that!

also, i never want to do anything terrible, but i am aware that i might do something terrible, and i want someone to let me know so i can learn from it and never do it again! and she sort of let me know that i did something terrible.

but she DIDNT. she didnt do ANYTHING. maybe i did something bad, maybe I didnt.

http://www.online-stopwatch.com/cash-clock/

hehehehe time is money wagie, tick tock, back to work, another day another dollar.

so yeah i like it when the woman lets you know you didnt do anything terrible that makes you a terrible person, they say its not you its me. i like that. its cliche but it WORKS, it really MEANS something.

i dont want to be such an autistic sociopath that i do horrible things without knowing! i dont want to be a terrible person to other poeple!!!11

so yeah she could have been better in letting me know that i was not a terrible person basically.

and it took me a fookin YEAR to convince myself that she was just Overloaded and Ran Away. but jeez. at least send a messenger. send one last message. wasnt our earlier rel important to YOU???!?!?! Im pretty sure it was! dont be DISHONEST and pretend it wasnt!

but yeah its gonna be the father who teaches his daughter morals, including sexual morality. how to pick a good man. how to wait 8 dates before fooking. how to not bang too many guys. how to pick a good guy young. how to not cheat. how to dump a guy the right way. how to not lead a guy on. the mother just cant do this. because women cant TEACH shit. funny how most “teachers” are WOMEN!

so she turned out ok despite no father. she still hurt me greatly and i wish i had never met her. so if i had followed my never associate with fatherless women rule, then i never would have met her (or at least got attached to her), and my life would have been better.

i mean shit. it just sucks when you have to say “I WISH I NEVER MET YOU. YOU MADE MY LIFE WORSE. YOU BROUGHT MORE BAD THAN GOOD. YOU WERE A NET LOSS.”

when people have an Amicable Break Up, they don’t say THAT. they dont wish they never MET the person.

theres this book called The Ethical Slut which used to trigger me because being a slut isnt ethical, but i guess the book assumes a basis of do no harm, and communicate boundaries, and dont treat people like garbage, and how to communicate about awkward feelings in case your fuccboi gets feelings and you just wanna fucc moar fuccbois.

in other words, i would have LOVED being treated with the ethical guidelines advocated by The Ethical SLut hahahaha. i think.

http://candieportfoilo.yolasite.com/resources/The%20Ethical%20Slut.pdf

its NOT OK to NOT COMMUNICATE with your lovers or yourself hahahaha.  THANK YOU. hahahaha

http://openingup.net/

opening up by the degen slut tristan taormino is argued to be the better book.

heh. i am looking to the MOST DEGEN PEOPLE for advice on Ethical, Mature, Healthy Relships hahahaha. THAT is how IMPORTANT good COMMUNICATION is to ALL relationships, even degen slut ones.

EVEN DEGENERATE POLYAMOROUS SLUTS COMMUNICATE.

I agree with them that communication and respecting feelings is important, ethical, and good!

ok i think i have made my point hahahaha.

i watched “Fargo” last night on viceland degen tv. this is one of those movies that i have wanted to watch beginning to end but had never done so. i had seen the first 30 minutes recently and was quite intrigued. so i was glad to see it here and i caught it right at the beginning. decided to watch the whole thing. there were frequent commercials so that did not help. but overall i found it disappointing. it could and should have been a lot better. just because coen brothers are degen J’s doesn’t mean they haven’t made great movies. but some of them are not so great. this one tilts towards that, when I expected it NOT to.

joos writing supergoys seemed pretty condescending, patronizing, like look at these STUPID WHITE HICKS.

did the guys wife end up dying? i felt they really treated her like a piece of meat. thats somebodys mother. even if the kid is a brat and the father is a scumbag.

i guess frances mcdormand was the moral compass and that was ok…..but I would have liked to see that extend to the other goy characters, like the kidnapped wife. i mean did the big goy barbarian just knock her out, or sociopathically kill her like he did everyone else? did the kidnappers have any intention of doing a “fair” trade? were they just gonna kill the wife all along? why? why was the injun beating steven buscemi with a belt? prob because he drew the attention of the po po on him, i guess. but nothing ever happened to the injun. they never arrested him. or maybe they did later.

just seemed kinda lazy and sloppy and i know coen brothers can do better than this.

unless there are buried hints like a david lynch movie.

why was bill macy in financial trouble to begin with? why did he scam 320k from GMAC car loans if he just needed 1 car to give the criminals? it seemed like he wanted 750k to be loaned from his father in law.

maybe im just asking too many questions. but that is what i do. blame muh job. need to know everything about everything.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fargo_(film)

ok so the gmac loan is what he needs the money FOR. but why was he trying to scam them in the first place? gambling? hookers?

and why “fargo” if most of the movie took place in brainerd and minneapolis? he first met the kidnappers in fargo but thats about it.

I mean it was GOOD, but it wasnt nearly as good as i expected. it was disappointing and lazy and sloppy and i feel like i missed something. maybe they edited out important stuff for commercials. i guess the wife is supposed to be dead.

big lebowski was better, raising arizona and millers crossing were WAY better.

this should not be considered a top shelf coen brothers movie. it was lazy and patronizing. how did it win an oscar for best screenplay. how did it become such a phenomenon, with critics and fans shitting themselves over it?

i didnt really like “no country for old men” either.

i did really like the main musical theme of fargo though.

hahahahahahahaha

i didnt think it really SUCKED, I just thought it was ok, not great. is was disappointing and the coens can do better.

i have enjoyed coens films for YEARS and I totally understand and get their style. the layers and subtleties. the dialogue and dialects. ok thats FINE.

i might have liked it more if i saw it years ago, when i was more prone to suck the coen bros jooish dicks.

and i prob would have liked it moar with no commericials, and ucddling with a waifu.

that can make bad movies good.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/why-did-she-break-me

its good to Grieve but dont let it CONSUME you hhahahahaha. easier said than done. well it doesnt consume me as much hahaha. but other things do.

like oh god i am unqualified at everything, incompetent, can never get a job or a woman, completely worthless hahaha.

anyway. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

so lets just assume 50% of women are dirty n>=4 whores and 50% are decent n<4 marriageable women. because we just DONT KNOW, and the great rule of thumb is, always assume 50/50 when you DONT KNOW.

i can live with 50/50!

i mean i think being a high number slut who gives it up real quick is a good proxy or way to measure a womans morality and trustworthiness in general. do they really walk the walk. or are they loose. hotdog in a hallway. jsut a damn mercenary riding the coch carousel, where she has given many men a Turn. It MATTERS and STOP PRETENDING IT DOESNT!!!! But they’re not pretending, they TRULY BELIEVE it doesnt matter. totally brainwashed.

okok i need some TROB with……clearer production.  the newest one is generally rated the lowest but its the only one i havent heard at all.  plus i just straight up RESPECK this guy, he is just very special, i dont care that he is a pagan hahahahahahaha. tree worshipper.  he also has Male Pattern Baldness and a Hirsute Robin Williams like body. this endears him even more to me.

i would totally make a moderate effort to see him live. i am glad he likes to play live. why the hell wouldnt you. like these black metal phaggots that are too grim to play. or dsbm people that are too despaired to play live. come on. even trist played live a few times.

i mean yeah the fans are degenerate losers but theres probably one guy there like me who is not hahaha. who is really enjoying your show.

interview tomorrow and i am not even worried or anxious. how can you, for an 11 dollar 20 hour a week job. good god. why do i even wear a suit. why do i think i need a NICE suit.  well at least now i have a nice suit in case i need it. and i just wear it to every damn interview anyway. i am pretty happy about the suit. i had been meaning to get one for YEARS, at least 4 years or so.

i was glad to hear people on the daily shoah agree that MULTITASKING is BULLSHIT. total BULLSHIT. i couldnt agree more. but you HAVE to say you are REALLY REALLY good at it. but if youre HONEST with yourself, it just means you do a shitty, distracted job on many tasks at once. only the most autistic people like rainman MIGHT be good at multitasking. only half of the 1% most autistic people might be good at multitasking. its fookin BULLSHIT, end of story. but we are not allowed to say that. worse, we are forced to actually attempt to multitask!

i dont mind that women are like children……..except for the fact that they do a LOT MORE DAMAGE that children. they break hearts and cheat and ruin lives without remorse. children don’t do this. you dont give the baby a machine gun.

women are like babies born with machine guns. but in the past, society used to do what it could to put the safety on that gun, or take it away.

but why should women be born with something theyre TOO IMMATURE TO USE?

so they can get pregnant as soon as possible, that’s why.

and if they choose poorly, either them, the baby, or both can suffer the consequences for that AFTER the baby is born. but not before.

maybe men and women are not as different as i thought. they just want to fook any (secsy) thing that moves, no regard to the consequences. they dont care who they hurt. we are an r selected inger species hehehehe.

yeah well we WHIITES HAVE to be better than that. maybe thats how humans started, but thats not what WE evolved into. WHITES DONT DO R SELECTION. and it disgusts me to see white women doing it.

women dont have to do time in the prison of relationshiplessness hahahaha. they don’t get tons of TIME to THINK about the DYNAMICS and the ins and outs of relationships because they’re too busy being IN them. they never have a chance to view it from the OUTSIDE. think outside of the box hahahaha.

with me and other foreveralone nevergf virgins, its the exact opposite. we spend all our time thinking about rels, and exactly ZERO time actually IN them!

isnt that funny hahahaha.

holy sheet this one guy who i used to work with at my fun job which i left……..almost 3 years ago, he is still working there! this is just sad because he is older than me, has a degree, has his teaching certificate, and can get a FT teacher job, just sub shit. and they have hired two FT people in the department in the 3 years since i left, and they did not offer HIM the job! maybe they did but he said no? i wuldnt have said no! they interviewed ME for one of those jobs. i didnt get it and i was kinda pissed. why didnt they interview me for the other one? i cant remember exactly when the other one happened. before or after the one interview i had.

maybe i was that shitty of an employee hahahaha. but i dont think so. i definitely was not an electrifying team leader however, and i did not schmooze with Higher Ups like i should have. I just nodded my head and did what they told me and was nice to everybody. but the people i schmoozed best with were not higher ups. they were just level 1 saps like me, or in different departments. the maintenance guy.

heh wasnt good enough to get me an interview when i applied for the maintenance job a few months ago, for the 3 days a year the position is open. blink and you will miss it. literally.

 

 

BEING A GOOD PERSON DOESNT MEAN SH1T IN THE MATING MARKET

but it really SHOUDL hahahaha. also also in the job market for that matter. I mean it DOES really matter to me, and for the state of your soul. and it matters with your friends and family.  it just doesnt matter with women or jobs. and those are two VERY important markets in life.

aug 11

hisssss leave me alone lads hahahaha

heres the question, when going to a DOCTOR, should I trust a White WOMAN over a nonwhite MAN?

because i am now seeing this White Woman DO, GP, Fam Practice Doc for citalopram refills every 6 months. she is not bad, she is def white, but also def a WOMAN.

weird dreams last night, unfort heavy involvement of the woman. in it she was shrinking into a defenseless baby, but also refused to communicate.

but she also refused to run away. so she stayed around for whatever reason, maybe she was scared to leave, but she was staying, but she also wasnt saying ANYTHING and was being very moody and difficult and bitchy.

but she was STAYING and that was the important thing. I was being a bet niceguy tyring to comfort her saying its ok sweetie, i’ll be here fore you when you want to talk.

then there was this alpha male playing rock guitar and she looked at him and then I feared that that would be enough to make her leave me.

he was a white guy who i went to college with 10+ years ago and was never superfriends with, but he was a good guy and I got along with him. he was a rare Country Hick who went to the univ. He was very very smart, and into writing fiction (I think) and gambling. i feel he wasnt some kind of mindless marxist. i hear he went back to the middle of nowhere and did nothing with his life, much like me hahahaha. except i am not in the middle of nowhere hahahaha.

so she didnt leave me for him but i didnt like the interested way she looked at him!

it was kinda like when the loving person is trying to help some traumatized child who cant or wont talk. the child is staying with you, so that’s good……..but they aren’t being cooperative beyond that. and what if they did leave? youd feel shitty for investing so much of yourself in trying to help them, when obviously they resented it and you.

then the dream got really weird with lots of weird creature horror cronenberg type stuff, where she was shrinking into like a cat rat baby hiding in small dark spaces.

and then there was even weirder shit. this grotesque skeleton nun appeared displaying these poor animals she was torturing/K’ing by essentially skinning them down to the bone, while leaving as much skin on some parts of the body so as to keep them alive as long as possible. however the nun herself was a kind of animated, partially skinned human corpse, who was supposedly the father of another man in the dream, who was either supposed to be my Professional Partner in helping/treating That Woman (who by this time was a scrawny cat rat child)…..or something.

so anyway the mans father was partially skinned into a barely living human skeleton dressed up as a mockery of a catholic nun, who themself was doing a similar skinjob on these animals. cats and dogs. but the idea was, it wasnt of their free will, they were being controlled / possessed by some demon or devil like in the exorcist.

these are the types of dreams I have when I am at my average!!!!!! hahahahaha.

i think woman 2012 also made a cameo appearance, hahahahha.

ok got 60 minutes of power hour peak UVB vitamin D sun, 2:15 to 3:15.  1 to 2 would have been better but i was at the dr. i am hoping sunshine activated vitamin d is the magic bullet that cures everything wrong with me hehehe.

this was a great vidya from this poor lost soul.

now he does watch sarcuck of cuckad, and quotes a socialist at the end of this vidya, but uhhhh the points he makes in this vidya are unimpeachable. i just hope he isnt really a socialist. for the sake of his own soul!

anyway the interesting thing about that dream is, somebody can be unwilling to communicate with you, but theyre still willing to STAY WITH you. that is a nice bona fide. of course, maybe they’re just too scared to leave you, and as soon as they build the strength, they will leave you.

she was absolutely not willing to stay with me, in the sense that she was “with me” as a friend, somebody in my life that I talked to, texted, hopefully hung out with, but not any more.

but yeah i guess time really does heal all wounds, i can tell i WILL get over this SOMEDAY………..

…….it just takes a RIDICULOUSLY long time, like TWO YEARS of ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT. and by then, someone who was very important to you, who you wanted to be the mother of your children, will have faded away into a faded memory like all the other women. and then you will be a 35 year old loser who never had a proper GF and doesnt have a proper job and you know you will never find a nice 7/10 white 25 year old n<4 woman ever again.

oh yeah. got called for interview today. 12k a year job hahahaha. 12k. 11 dollars an hour, 20 hours a week. unbelieveable. but the job seems like it would be easy and stress free. back at the old employer i had from 2008-13. ideally would get the job and then be able to find Secret Internal Jobs, then get a FT one of those for 30k a year. The End. Life Goal Achieved.

the woman who called me sounded really confused and disoriented. she was clearly having a bad day. she sent me an email as discussed and it had some errors in it. i hope she was just having a bad day and this is not her average hahahaha becuase my average is WAY better than that hahahahaha. and she is making 30k a year. like some damn fatcat plutocrat factory owning capitalist hahahaha. how much does her HUSBANDO make.

the st andrean guy brings up an interesting point: back in the DAY, low level retail and cust serv people didnt have to THINK. “we dont pay you to THINK!” but now you have to demonstrate how you are a FAST and CREATIVE and GREAT THINKER UNDER PRESSURE for a damn 12 dah part time job. now you need to THINK FAST all day so you can solve customers problems and keep them from bitching at the manager.

then how do dumb negers get fast food and walmart jobs then?

affirmative action hahahahahahahaha.

and then i just remembered its HER birthday this month. but the good news is i didnt realize that until 10 days into the month hahahaha. now SHE is getting old. i wonder if she will have any mud baby Sprogs by the time she is 30. or if she will Abort the Sprogs and focus on her career.  yeah but a woman like her really NEEDS a MAN.  i wonder how many cox shes fooked in the past year. she used to be a beautiful person. “inside and out.” way to become a slut after age 25. so sad. hey u could married ME!!!!

and

basically i worry that SHE WAS THE BEST. I’LL NEVER FIND A BETTER WOMAN THAN HER. Young, Pure, Innocent, Nice, AND good looking. she was the FULL package. she just didnt luv me.

every woman I meet I will just end up comparing to HER, and SHE will beat them.

that’s my fear now. because as an old loser man, i don’t have any value in the mating market.

being a good person IS an important thing in life, with friends and family, in society……

but it doesnt mean SHIT in the mating market!

it doesnt mean SHIT in the market where New Human Life is created!

isn’t that weird?

Also what I’m assmad about at women is not just that they are going against their natural role……

but that they are so ENTHUSIASTICALLY, WILLINGLY rebelling against their natural role!

yes lets enjoy lots of casual sex! yes lets become powerful leaders in companies! yes lets have strong powerful careers and make big decisions! they LOVE it!

Whereas I am deviating from MY natural role as a MAN….but it wasn’t my CHOICE, and I SURE as hell dont LIKE it!!!!!

took some nyquil. then will go for walk num 2. was kinda useless today. zero job apps. not sure how that happened. i blame the dr appt, and also much hourlong walk in the afternoon. but really i think THAT is more important than doing an hour of jobsearching at that time.

also I get a lot of emails every day and it takes tiem just to scan them. i get SOME (not a lot) APPLY jobs out of these emails. it essentially takes the place of looking at the main indeed list.

also yesterday i learned that “stupid ghetto people” all use indeed. i chuckled and said really. just curious, what do nonghetto, smart people use? apperantly they use monster. this is coming from a Manager who hires and fires Ghetto people hehehehe.  i am more racist than him but he sees the reality more than I do! I guess he is just that concerned about not being thought of as a racist. i dont have that anxiety hahahaha.  i just have plenty of other anxieties. about my competence to do basic jobs and to mate with wimmin hahaha.

shit i wish i never met her. when will i ever get along that well with another woman again? of that high quality?

i mean yeah i can live without women, i can live without being close to a woman………but i got a TASTE of it……and i really liked it, and now i want MOAR. very much like when i pseudodated those gurls 10 years ago. different because this was more important, it wasnt psuedo anything, it was real, it was long term, there was an actual rel between people, and it hurt moar. but similar in that it gave me a tiny taste of something real good that  i knew I wanted MORE of. i didn’t want to go my whole life without experiencing that.

well maybe it will take ANOTHER 10 years.

i guess when i am 45, the 30 year old wimmin will look pretty damn hot hahahahahahahahaha.

now by that time, the women will have CERTAINLY taken a ot of dix and be crazier and be more duplicitous hehehehe.

who cares. i took some nyquil as usual every 2 or 3 days. took the full dose this time. around 6 pm. nice and early. hahahaha. recreational use of nyquil to feel numb and sleepy hours before going to bed. but yeah it really does impact your thinking. cannot think clearly at all. very sluggish.

so yeah writing becomes evn more shitty. but i guess its easier to not think negative thoughts. unless you get there automatically, then you dont have the mental energy to fight them off hahahaha.

george feels says he did his college at a crappy diploma mill and got a degree in “computer science.” he makes it sound like it was just as boring and easy and useless as high school. just coast thru, never really learn anything useful. and right now he is struggling to teach himself the C language. WTF DID HE DO DURING THIS COLLEGE? why wouldnt he learn C or C++ in a “computer science” program? maybe they did java or python hehehehe.

but it sounded like the shittiest college, he would have been better off going to damn community college.  i mean shit i learned enough about C++ and “computer science” at community college, learned enough to know i could never do this for a career, cuz the amount of stuff you had to know and master is STAGGERING. just to get a part time job hahaha.

i prefer what st andrean had to say. just dont go to college unless you are a GOD DAMN GENIUS, AND you have very good social skills, AND you are getting internships and networking with people working in the field, AND you go to a GREAT uni. so only go to college if ALL those are true. THought that was a great point.

tons of autist nerds are good at math, science, computers, but terrible socially. you need to be GOOD socially to turn your college degree into a career. the better socially, the better for your career.

so you really need to be great at everything. be the computer nerd with the charismatic social skills of don trump. i would think this is the very rare computer nerd hahaha.

or a guy like bill clinton is a disgusting degen sleazebag, but hes got GREAT social skills.

also we virgins never get to see what trump is like when he is seducing women. but shit an alpha male, at that point they are seducing HIM!

oh for gods sakes, that st andrean in exile guy shut his channel down TODAY. he had some honestly good stuff. i think he shut his own self down, because he did nto have any racist stuff. the powers that be still allow sexist stuff but not racist stuff. and sexist stuff is getting pretty big. i guess  shillary could try to shut it down but i just dont see it. but the race nut is a MUCH harder nut to crack than the secs nut. all these woman hating mgtows who are too scared to become racists hahaha.

aug 12

ok. 10.13 am and i have cleared out my 13 or 14 new emails from overnight. all job related stuff. i gotta get rid of some of these alerts hahaha. right now i have such a “backlog” of APPLY jobs, I can really only afford to add jobs if I classify them as “APPLYYYYYY”, ie, they are obvious standouts.

WE DONT PAY YOU TO THINK!

well in 2016 you must think of bullshit to keep your angry customers pacified, because your company is so LEAN that they cut corners everywhere and give shitty product, shitty service, creating tons of unhappy customers. and you have to THINK FAST and BULLSHIT in order to RETAIN those unhappy customers.

make promises and excuses when you dont even know what youre talking about. well have it for you as soon as possible. the price PROBABLY wont go up. oh it did? oops you got unlucky. it is what it is, you dont have to be happy about it, better luck next time!

i dunno. i just think the best “company culture” is when they are SERIOUS about giving good service to their CUSTOMERS, AND they are SERIOUS about treating their lowest employees well. namely giving them good training and helping them serve the customers well. not just bullshitting, and excuses, and runarounds, and avoiding, and passing the buck, and kciking the can, and saying we dont do that, or we have no record of that, or no, call them back, they are wrong, we really DONT do this, or we dont do that, talk to your manager, i did, he said call you, then call your managers manager.

where managers are there ONLY to make things “LEANER” and they dont know SHIT about how to actually do the work of the department. and they have been brought in from outside. ALWAYS PROMOTE FROM WITHIN. how hard is this to understand.

these anti-management attitudes of mine make me a borderline socialist, that and i am generally against Wanton Greed, and I am also against Wanton GROWTH where the growth is unsustainable. but you have to keep up with inflation goy.

1% growth isnt good enough when inflation is 3%! is that the idea??!?!?!?!

drinking weak coffee and my stomach is churning and gurgling extremely loudly and frequently.

went to store and picked up new refill of citalopram and some groceries.

i honestly dont know how ALL people are not RED PILL. just going to the superstore is BLACK PILLING. maybe its just too much. i mean you dont want to BLACK pill people. then they dont even care about red pill blue pill anymore, and become one of those fat mouth breathing zombies you see at the supermarket.

did see some qt 16 year old girls there with their Moms tho hahahahahaha.

shit i am probably old enough to be their FATHER hahahaha.

all these fookin jobs are for Seniors and Leads and Managers……………….

WHY ARENT YOU HIRING FROM WITHIN?

well PROBABLY they WILL end up hiring from within, which is good, they just HAVE to post the job externally.

ok fine…….BUT WHERE ARE THE POSTINGS FOR LEVEL 1 PEOPLE????!?!?!?!?!?

the postings for level 2 and above seem to outnumber the postings for level 1 by like 2 or 3 to 1…….AT LEAST.

too many chiefs, not enough indians!

now level2 and level3 aren’t “managers” per se. they are more subject matter experts, ie, people who ACTUALLY know what they’re doing. the people you really wish you could talk to , but you cant, because they only work on escalated cases, and advising stupid level 1s.

MOST level 2’s i worked with were good as hell, they deserved their status. about 30% didn’t.

but even the good ones weren’t necessarily Good to the level 1s who wanted their help.

thankful to be able to go out at 1pm for powerwalk in peak of days sun hahaha.

partly cloudy unfort but should still get some sun.  i guess it can break through the clouds somewhere. wheres a level 2. an SME hahaha.

i cant believe MORE average people dont go MAD from the ridiculous demands of Work. i mean these deamnds do not seem fulfillable by the average person! these unreasonable demands! so I guess i am a bit jelly of all these normies who go to work and don’t go crazy. they just turn into fat stupid assholes. black pill hahahaha.

heh. these employers HIDE BEHIND their PORTALS. I am trying to apply to hospital job and it errors out when i try to upload res. over and over. so now I just have to WAIT until they fix it. theyre probably not even AWARE of it. and theres no way to report it.  but it was just working an hour ago, because i applied to a job at that time.

its a god damn ridiculous oracle people soft type system that is stupid as fook. always signing out, buttons and links dont work, its fooked. i really dont want to clear cookies and all that. i guess its not a big deal because i just have it reopen all tabs automiatically.

so yeah i am pretty much planning to go to this labor day thing with old college friends. should be pretty fun. i mean most of them are all successful and shit but who cares, they are nice people and thats all that matters.

also one of the guys is not a super duper YUGE winner like the others hahaha. and he is still a super duper great guy.

is it considered a good bullshit detector if you think everything is bullshit? you are so sensitive to bullshit you think EVERYTHING is bullshit? even stuff that isnt bullshit?

yeah well most stuff IS bullshit, so can you blame me for thinking EVERYTHINGS bullshit?

so i got impatient, clicked on use previous resume, then accidentally forgot to click on i am over 18, and then it Disqualified me, now I cant apply for the job AT ALL. I try to do it again and says sorry you cant. FOOOOOCCKKKK. it gives you a phone number to call. i am not gonna call it unless i am blocked from applying to OTHER jobs.  SOOOOO stupid.

OHHH rejected for MAIL CLERK job at other hspital ive sent 40 applications to. wouldnt be the first time ive been rejected for mail clerk hahahaha. sorry, FILE clerk. hmm only took 2 days for them to reject me. 2 days since i applied.

NO i dont spell shit wrong in my Packet!!!! like i do here. there, everything is perfect.

all these companies send rejection letters on friday from 430 to 5 pm hahahaha. i wonder why this is hahahahaha.

also, just because HR for the big company sends you a rej letter for one job, doesnt mean they’ll send you one for all jobs at that company.

i obviously need to take my Main Standards of:

25 years old

n<4

7/10

and Walk Them Back a bit. but how much? I would say just a tiny bit at a time, until someone reaches the New, Lower Standard hahahaha. so lets make the new standard n<5. that will make the pool a little larger hahaha.

its not like i have 100 applications to pick from hahahaha. i have 0 applications to pick from.

oh noes, katie ledecky is at least 25% JOOISH. so if i had children with her, they would be 12.5% jooish. is that too much? kind of. I would prefer my children be less than 6.25% nonwhite.

i looked her up because i kind of liked her weird horseface and maybe she even sort of reminded me of That Woman in having a weird face that doesnt seem like it should be qt. WELL, wait until she is 30 or 40! wont be so qt any more!

fathers side is from czech. mother is half j00ish. yikes. and she herself is a “roman catholic”. YIKES.

does michael phelps wife let him fook rando gurls when hes at the olympics?

is he even married? i thought he was and he def has a keed. i hope they dont have an open marriage.

like he didnt get enough action BEFORE he was married!

customer service. jeez. i just cant do it ALL DAY LONG. maybe put me on phones for 1 hour….but then have me switch on and off, on and off. customers 1 hour, no customers next hour, then back on, then back off etc. but all customers for 8 hours is just holy shit. its like private pyle trying to survive the military. the military would be EASIER. how do people do this and not K themselves moar?

i MIGHT be able to WITHSTAND if i had a good waifu to build me up at the end of the long day…..but good waifus dont like guys who cant handle tuff situations all day. they dont like such WEAK men.

well remember, george feels worked at best buy geek squad for like 2 months MAX because he was too anxious about the customers and not feeling like he was trained to handle it. cuz the training was minimal, classic swim or sink thrown to the wolves shit. george freaked out and quit, and then got his awesome job at the liberry where he continues to work today.

he says that now he might try to tough it out at best buy a little longer to force himself to get better with people.

its all in this one, good summary of george telling his life story.

i think its something we shuld all do, to try to get perspective. you can see the link on the right side where i started doing Muh Life Story and then put it on this blog. cant remember the lessons i learned. oh yeah. much like george, i reaped what i sowed, and i failed to nip shit in the bud when i was young. i just ignored them and did stupid shit and assumed that everything would turn out all right as long as i got a college degree. NOPE.

yeah realy i wish there were like 2 classes in high school preparing you how to deal with customers ALL DAY. how to deal with their stupid bullshit. them bitching about CONFUSING stuff and how you could work under pressure and answer to the most ridiculous bullshit. certainly high school COULD prepare you for that….but it didnt. like put you in simulations where you could have a Safe Word to get out if you got too flustered. and just practice practice practice. like practicing a SPORT. you PRACTICE 10 times more than you actually have official matches. you practice so you’ll be ready for the match/game/competition/tournament. i wish i had done that in order to prepare for customers on the job.

heh. i would prob quit geek squad too georgie boy! i cant blame you! anyway he eventually got some more customer service experience when he switched jobs at the liberry.

WAS IT REALLY WORTH IT?

I had some SOLID, BIGBOY, REAL WORLD, REAL MAN Customer Service Experience, a full YEARS worth, in a CALL CENTER, taking CALLS all day on the WEIRDEST shit that I had NO IDEA how to do.

was it WORTH IT?

maybe…..but at this point it doesnt really feel like it. and i feel like I could never do it again. just the thought strikes fear deep into my heart so I am AVOIDING all jobs that seem like they would have TOO MUCH (>50%) cust serv.

WOMEN YOUNGER than me have opened up their own Clinical/Counseling practices. like this 25 year old broad i see making a duckface on linkedin. LCSW, LLC, LLP. but who i really want to help are single white men with despair and anxiety, and white neets and such. thing is, these people are not likely to seek help.  alot of people only go to counseling because they are FORCED by court or probation. i guarantee some of those men are white!

but yeah honestly i did some GREAT, STRONG work, and TOUGHED IT OUT in some real TOUGH MAN shit, when i thought I would BREAK under the pressure. but NO, I STAYED THE COURSE. Weathered the storm.

So i have PROVED I can handle tough situations and tough customers. however, add a shitty situation with a woman and THAT is my breaking point.

i mean it WAS a realy unique situation i dont EVER see happening again. both the fact that she did not respond AT ALL, PLUS the fact that we worked in the same office.

it wasnt the CUSTOMERS that pushed me over the edge, it was HER, or really, my inability to DEAL with her.

i guess THEORETICALLY i could get another job and fall in luv with another coworker. i just hope i deal with it better! and i think i really cant not deal with it better! i would just send an email or text saying WE NEED TO TALK NAO. I HAVE FEELINGS FOR U.

then she will freak out, say were done, and i will put in a 2 weeks notice hahahahaha.

no i will try to move my shift, or move to where i cannot see her.

if i am running out of Meds, I will go to an Urgent Care to see if they can write me an emergency refill.

again i really dont think the running out of meds was what caused me to go over the edge. it was i just couldnt handle that ridiculous situation.

 

ITS LESS PAINFUL TO HATE WOMEN THAN TO STILL WANT THAT WOMAN

aug 1

shit i was so triggered by that stupid xkcd friends comic that i lost sleep thinking i was that guy with her, and thats why she hates me, and i am a horrible person who did a horrible thing. a dishonest liar coward.

and if im defending myself, then its probably because i see myself in the character no?

well lemme state that i agree that nice guys tm as they are presented are shitty and horrible and anybody who REALLY does this should feel ashamed. but i just dont thing these things happen this way!

these nice guy haters NEVER address the questions of: how can you hide your feelings so well for so long?

even though it IS the responsibility of the person with feeligns to express those feelings, why cant the woman say, something feels WEIRD here, it feels like you are starting to get feelings for me. why doesnt that ever happen?

because usually EVERYONE CAN TELL the guy is in luv with the gurl. his friends know, everyone knows, why doesnt the WOMAN have even the LEAST suspicion?

does the guy deny to himself and to everyone that he has feelings for her?

whats wrong about a friendship that grows into something deeper? what if youre still getting over someone else? what if you dont like fooking people right away?

why does the woman have to date SO MANY GUYS and Fook them? why is she such a damn slut with a revolving door of badbois? She has SOME responsibility for PICKING these “jerks.”

i wanted a damn attorney to argue my case that I was NOT a NICEGUYtm.

  1. i wasnt trying to HIDE shit. I was TRYING to talk about it and get it out in the open.
  2. i wasnt “settling” for friendship as a “consolation prize.”
  3. my feelings CHANGED in the MIDDLE of the friendship.
  4. i wanted her to STAY with her “jerk” original BF. I didnt think he was a jerk per se and I encouraged her to make an EFFORT with him.
  5. i CHANGED entirely once I began liking her and she totally noticed the difference in my behavior and thought it was weird.
  6.  i DID respect her.
  7.  i DID value the friendship. but i was willing to sacrifice it all for the TRUTH to come out.

anyway i AGREE with the author that being That Guy is WRONG, but i dont think theres so many nerdy men out there doing this.

when you get FEELINGS for someone, its an IMPORTANT thing, its not like some woman fooking 9000 badboys. you have REAL feelings, and you get nervous, and confused, and scared, and mentally and emotionally compromised. you dont make the best decisions about how to handle things.

like getting nervous at a job interview like i have tomorrow and thursday hahaha. you dont say things super confidently like trumpenfuhrer.

heh. the author of xkcd is younger than me. not that i am YOUNG! but i used to be young. in skool, i was used to being the youngest one in my class.

also, he was a successful nerd who went on to have a GREAT career, and have GFs, and write a comic that thousands of people liked and allowed him to quit his GREAT NASA scientist job. why would you quit that?

so yeah i hate thinking i was LIKE THAT.  I KNOW being like that is WRONG. I never WANT to be like that. but I did act so well either. I SCARED ok? its not EASY to blurt out to somebody that you luv them! so i tried to figure out other ways of doing it! and that wasted a lot of time.

but she could have hung out with me once, like the xkcd gurl HUNG OUT with the cueball guy. she wasnt avoiding him like the plague because she thought he liked her hahaha.

also he stops being a bad niceguy the second she consents to a relationship with him! nobody ever points this out!

oh but he was manipulating her in a moment of weakness and loneliness.

well shit, arent our whole LIVES moments of weakness and loneliness????

i was lonely but that doesnt mean i settled for her out of loneliness!

and why didnt she just dump him like 2 days after they fooked and said yeah i was drunk, we shouldnt do this?

the woman gets into a new relationship every month, the man hasnt been in a rel in 10 years. of COURSE he’s gonna be rusty and AWKWARD and nervous and be the antithesis of SMOOTH!

dont accuse someone of lying and scheming and deceiving when really they are just awkward and scared to say “i like u”. cant you tell from the way they act around you that they like you? them texting you all the time with smileys and hearts and them wanting to hang out and buy you dinner and walk in the park and all that?

don’t these niceguys do that?

how are these niceguys hiding their feelings? or are the women just that bad at reading obvious signals? i don’t doubt that either.  like we said before, women are notoriously bad at relationships and communication. just godawful at these things. if relships were a meritocracy for women, the species would go extinct. because they are all incompetent at the WORK and ACTION that needs to be done to build and maintain relationships. you do all the work for them cuz you cant make babies without them. but they dont know that hahaha. they dont know ANYTHING hahaha.

i wasnt perfect, i made some mistakes, but i was NOT a niceguytm like that comic portrays!

it hits close to home because i have stuff in common with niceguytms and worry that i might be confused for one. well im not, and i will be the first to tell you i hate women and i am not a nice guy hahahaha. just a hateful woman hater. i dont LIKE it, but they just give me SO MUCH to HATE hahahahaha. stop being so god damn hatable! Be Better! Do Better!

and i especially hate thinking that SHE thought I was like that! but i dont know for sure if she thought that.

had 2 more recruiters call me today. i think its MONSTER. every time you upload a new resume, it automatically gets set to public. i uploaded one a few days ago. i guess i forgot about that.

i mean i wouldnt want to be a recruiter either. calling 40 people a day. how can you even juggle that many people? i just cant juggle that many people. but i guess you’re SUPPOSED to if you want a job. and you have to have a job. no wonder women can JUGGLE SO MANY men. you just have SUPER shallow “relships” with them all.

SUPER shallow. quantity not quality. r not K.

yes i care what people think about me. not all people, but the people i care about. i care if they have the completely wrong idea about me and think i am a horrible person when im really just a coward who desperately wants to not be a horrible person!

im trying so hard not to be a horrible person, its just SO HARD hahahahahahahahaha.

hooray 100 jobs in 1 month. well, 1 month and 1 day.

i just get ANGRY looking at these jobs and thinking should i apply, could i handle this, how stupid is this, and then think of HER making good money, moving forward, staying TOUGH, and i am way smarter than her, and I have THREE times the college she does hahahaha, and EIGHT years older than her, yet she is doing SO much better at life than me, and i am having SUCH a hard time doing the BARE MINIMUM.

welp see the dr next week, will ax them to bump me up from 40 mg citalopram to im guessing 60. i dunno. that would be my guess. not like anybody knows what they are doing anyway. so give me a huge xanax prescription, a huge painkiller prescription, also a MJ prescription, etc.  thats what i think you should do doc.

but maybe there will be a cute 22 year old medical skool gurl there hahahaha. and ill be like did you i graduated from BLA BLA and she will say oooo i wish i could have gone there and Ill say yep its a great school innit, well i still became a huge failure and i wish i could be as successful and normie as you, a 22 year old med student hahahaha. i mean you got accepted to med skool, thats a big deal. i had already crashed and burned by that age. i peaked in high school hahahaha. looks like youre peaking in med skool. good for you. want to go for coffee in an elevator hahahahaha and talk about how science is awesome and how women should be polyandrous hahahaha and may I Prep Milady’s Bull pl0x?

so applying to jobs and thinking of her sneering down on me….she’s NOT REALLY DOING THAT. but she prob IS more successful than me and just moved WAY ahead of me in the Game of Life. but she doesnt care enough to sneer at ME. i wish she did hahahaha

but yeah point is, i shouldnt even think of HER while doing jobsearch, but i DO, possibly because i am a masochist.

ok applied to 5 jobs today AND printed out my interview stuff for tomorrow. prob wont apply to anything tomorrow, or maybe 1.  and then have the awkward social situation tomorrow night with the drunk team member. he didnt show up last week so we dodged a bullet. he never NOT shows up, so that was a first. so he is bound to come back soon. and we will have to deal with the situation.

i hate EXPLAINING things to people because most of the time I dont understand whats going on. it is SO HARD for me to UNDERSTAND new stuff QUICKLY. i can use flashcards to memorize it quickly but it still doesnt make any SENSE.  and thats where the bullshitting comes in.

so i dont even grade the postings any more, i just say APPLY, APPLLYYYYYYY for the really good ones, or maybe for the meh ones. thats all there is, because thats all that matters.

i really should LIFT, or i really should do some kind of sprinting or high intensity thing with my powerwalks. that was the one good thing about the Fatclub, well besides staring at indecently dressed sluts, that I got pretty good at Jogging. now i dont jog any more.

EXPLANATIONS ARE FOR THE WEAK.

saying just tell me what to do and i’ll do it pleasssseeeee is for the WEAK.

ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE.

WEED OUT THE WEAK.

MIGHT MAKES RIGHT.

now excuse me while I listen to James Read War Metal hahahahaha

i mean i do basically agree with all that. being weak hasn’t gotten me anywhere in life.

i basically hate all NORMIES like HER who arent in the middle of this grueling, humiliating, terrifying job search process. where every day you feel like a worthless, incompetent, subhuman, subminimum piece of shit retard loser neet. ohhhh and shesss such a bigggg winnnneerrrrrr.

no, she doesnt even CARE. she FORGOT about me long ago, has new friends now.

and i dont. i am not super close with my weekly event friends but im not sure i really WANT to be. i mean we dont have too much in common. they are nice people and we get along but i dont feel a super close connection with them.

maybe i should look on the social anxiety forum for how they deal with angry customers demanding explanations for things you dont understand, but you cant transfer them, so you have be cool under pressure and bullshit your way out of it. cuz really the ANXIETY is what kills you in these situation. not the despair. but the anxiety is the big problem there at that time.

there is another stupid xkcd comic called “rejection” which shames guys who get mad when they get rejected. because you’re supposed to be HAPPY about being REJECTED. good god. how does this guy live with himself. because he’s got a good job and makes a lot of money and somehow is better with the ladeez than me. i dunno. maybe he has an open relationship or cucking fetish. would explain a lot. i mean what kind of MAN is a FEMINIST. thats what he comes off as. a feminist male. and i guess the feminists give him enough action to keep him a servile feminist.

did nice 5 mile powerwalk

that feel when you feel like you just cant DO shit, you cant DO a job. your customers call you asking you to do something for them, and you dont know how to do it, and you look like an incompetent idiot who is not qualified for your job.

like for example this job interview tomorrow. i dont know shit about security systems. cameras and alarms. but that shit is gonna be in my purview. people could get away with crimes if i dont know what im doing. say i see somebody getting K’d on a surveillance camera. or rather, the camera went out, i neglected to fix it because i didn’t know how, and during that time, someone got K’d in view of that broken camera, where if i had fixed it, there would be a good chance of Identifying the Suspect or something.

but OOPS i fooked up and this guy gets off scott free and a poor white gurl is dead.

not that this is a high crime area. but there is the occasional groping or assault or theft by a nonwhite.

also the job starts at 40k. are you kidding me? i am only asking for 26k hahahaha. but i wont tell them that.

well i found their knowlege base, it only has like 15 articles in it hahaha.

well i mean shit if they want to hire me, they’ll hire me, in fact the odds are against me. MAYBE they want me for the midnight shift. i mean shit that is when all the people do crime, at like 3 or 4 in the morning.

i just wanted to BE HEARD. if youre gonna punish me, give me a chance to explain myself before the court.

that xkcd friends comic needs like a sequel or an update or a few more chapters to fill out the story.

and who exactly is cueball and who exactly is this woman in the larger universe of the comic? i mean maybe this cueball guy really truly is a little bitch. its hard to tell ANYTHING from this one comic.

notice cueball is not showing a lot of internal conflict. this does reflect poorly on him. when my feelings started, i had HELLA internal conflict, because i wanted to tell her. i wanted to show her. i tried showing her because i was too scared to blurt out “i like u nao” and the tension and conflict rose and rose until it exploded. none of this happens in the cueball situation. in fact, she is hanging out with him, sitting on the couch next to him, drinking. COME ON.

and hows he supposed to know she did that because of a moment of weakness? ESPECIALLY if she continues dating him? that just doesnt happen. she would in reality just dump him soon after saying, yeah dont get too used to that because i was just drunk and it didnt mean anything.

BELIEVE ME, if she didnt REALLY WANT to be in a rel with him, she would LEAVE HIS ASS in the blink of an eye. she wouldnt STAY WITH HIM while she figured it out. dump first, figure it out / rationalize it later.

so yeah i dont like how the comic portrays the woman as a blameless victim. yeah, cueball is a little bitch, but the woman is an immature IDIOT too who bears SOME responsibility. dont turn her into some innocent martyr. shes a fookin MORON who is too immature to have ANY relationship but she just falls into them because women are the supply, men are the demand.

this is what i write about instead of thinking about muh job interview tomorrow. yeah i am a little worried about that too hahaha.

i have had happy times which didnt involve her. so i must remember those times. chief among them was this nice time in spring/summer 2014 where i met up with an old college friend and we did a bit of a “road trip” to go to a wedding. it was a lot of fun. good people and good times. and That Woman had nothing to do with it. although at that time, i was thinking “we get along so well, maybe I should think more seriously about trying to date her. she is such a nice gurl and we get along so well. but she is breaking up with her BF nao and that has got to be tough. i mean that will take a few months to get over. I dont want to swoop in like some stalker waiting to pounce.” and THE she starts dating some new sleazebag and then I got REALLY interested. what was she doing jumping into this? why pick a sleazebag? why avoid me like the plague? why wasnt I cool any more?

like i say, it hurts to be once held in high regard, then get Demoted. Downgraded.

i wonder if that little adventure helped me make up my mind regarding the female friend. maybe a little bit. i was starting the journey but it would take a few more months to go all the way.

aug 2

sheeeeit interview TODAY. 2 pm. 12 pm right now. i have taken shower, shave, eat breakfast, gone to bathroom, even pre tied the tie i am going to wear because it can be a little tricky. it takes me a full 1 hour and 40 minutes to Get Ready for a Big Day like this. that includes getting out of bed, shower, shave, bathroom, coffee, breakfast, teeth brushing and flossing, and putting on suit with tie.

do not feel great about this, why are they even calling me in for this 40k job that covers a lot of stuff. i cant handle this, i cant hande anything hahahaha. way to pump yourself up before a big interview haha.

HORRY SHEET. well i had the interview. me and the Director. nobody else. no 5 person panel. me and him in a room for One Hour. I was very nervous going in. VERY nervous.

He was really nice, nicer than I expected, no super hard questions. The interview actually went a little BETTER than average. the job starts in the HIGH 40s. He said there were 4 people interviewing. DAMN. I felt pretty good about the interview and the job sounds really good actually. with absolutely ridiculous pay, benefits, health care, days off, ridiculous 401k matching. it sounds too good to be true really. whats the catch.

so i felt some confidence and felt good, getting this would be a LIFE CHANGER. i mean i should become a BORN AGAIN GOD worshiper if I can get this. total LIFE CHANGER. transform me from a total loser to a pretty damn big WINNER OVERNIGHT.

he was nice to me and I was nice to him. I expected a hardass grilling me with super tough questions. specially from seeing his picture on the website. but he was nice.

and then i thought “dont get a big head about this, what if i dont get it,” and THEN I thought

NO. NO. GO AHEAD AND YES, DO GET A BIG HEAD ABOUT IT. ENJOY that feeling of confidence and big headedness. THIS is what NORMIES feel every day, THIS is what is attractive to women, THIS is what makes winners and strong husbandos and fathers, THIS is what I’ve been missing, and THIS bigheaded overconfident feeling is what I NEED in my life.

its better to be overconfident than underconfident. period. who cares if its hubris. ENJOY IT. because how often do you feel GOOD and CONFIDENT? FOOKING NEVER. ENJOY IT. DRINK IN THE BIG HEADEDNESS.

this is what normies and and WHAT MAKES THEM NORMIE. It is GOOD to feel this.

so what if i get rejected. I would have gotten rejected ANYWAY. better to at least feel GOOD for a LITTLE bit.

because what seems like HUbris and Cockiness and the Sin of Pridefulness to me, is actually just NORMAL CONFIDENCE.

because I am SO UNUSED to feeling this.

THIS is what is attractive to EVERYBODY: employers, friends, women, EVERYBODY.

so if i get this job it means I can contact HER and be like HAY BABY.

NOOOOO. well it does mean I will beat her at the game of life, which is good. but it means i will be able to find a BETTER woman, who wont leave me in the fookin lurch, and who is willing to Go To Bat for me.

i mean everything. he starts talking about the pay and benefits early in the discussion, oh you get 12 sick days a year, but we dont like to take more than 10, everyone here is nice and helps each other out, yeah we can be flexible with hours, doesnt have to be 8 to 5, could be 7 to 4 because i know how traffic gets around here (pretty bad), we have one guy who wanted to do 4 10’s, so he only works 4 days a week. i was just thinking why are you even telling me this. and he didnt seem like he was SELLING anything, like sleazy managers who tell you anything to get you in the call center seat. he started as an officer

good god just got a call about another job, now have interview on monday with mortgage dept of bank. wow. not too excited about that hahahaha. well at least they didnt want me to come in TODAY or TOMORROW.

anyway the……college security computer tech job had the interview today is definite hella better. i mean these arent sleazebags nor do they seem like dirty cops hahahaha. he’s like yeah we get pretty good funding because the college is serious about security. ive been here 10 years, there are 2 other guys on this tech team, one has been there 3 years, got a new guy last year, they dont seem chomping at the bit to GET OUT OF THIS HELLHOLE hahahaha. ie they dont hate their jobs and lives.

so like i say, i got a good vibe off the supervisor at the security job. he rattled off all these benefits matter of factly. he even hinted that there might be DOWNTIME. and people arent working 60 hours a week every week, running ragged to meet impossible production quotas and crushing people to get there. which would prob happen at this damn bank hahaha.

well at least its not this Hip Mortgage Broker (Lender?) that hires Classes of 30+ people every few months, then they quit or get fired in a revolving door. but they paint themselves as so damn HIP and FUN and COOL that it comes across as very disingenuous and i have stopped applying there hahahahaha.

yeah i mean i care about the culture, in that i want the culture to enable you to do your work, meaning you can get help if you need it, and not look like a fool getting thrown in the deep end who cant do shit for your clients. a company that sets up you for success not failure.

but of course a company that sets you up for failure will tell you that they set you up for success, that they care about work life balance, that they have a starbucks and a gym in the building, you get free coffee and soda and fruit. oh wow. how about you just give me work that i can actually handle. just be fooking straight and honest with me. don’t make me lie and bullshit to poeple, and dont tell me bullshit either.

so yeah the coppers today seemed honest and no bullshit. good cops hahahaha. i mean i like cops. unlike that woman, who hates cops and luvs ingras hahahaha.

fookin 49k a year, are you KIDDING ME? ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

i almost dont deserve this hahahaha.

i thought you had to have a MASTERS degree to make 49k a year.

I would be happy with 29k a year hahahaha. i didnt tell him that though.

well this is not a union position. no contracts. meaning they probably could shift the pay. go to a lower salary band. but the college throws buckets of money at their public safety department! they are flush with cash in a way that no damn companies are! its kind of insane.

now normally to get a police job you have to do police academy, pass tests, and then start off in a fooking shithole ingra jungle like compton or bronx or something. you dont start out in a CUSHY place like this. you gotta pay your DUES first. i havent been paying dues! i have YET TO PAY MUH DUES!

basically this job would be too good to be true. not a lot of bullshit, GREAT pay, fooking raises every damn year, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? most people havent gotten a raise in like 5 years!

AND making enough money to Win a true honest to GOD 1488 Tradwife!!!!!!!!

Which is much harder to do at 28k a year. which i would have gladly taken hehehehe.

he didnt even ask why i left my previous job! though im not even sure he knew i HAD left it.

so yeah not every job i interview for do i say, ya know, I would really LIKE to get that job. but this one, definitely.

im noticing it takes at LEAST a month after apply for the job for them to get back to you about an interview. with some exceptions where they call you pretty quick. but if they dont call you in a week….they’ll call you in a MONTH.

anyway. its also important to remember…..say i were to get this job and my life would do a total 180 overnight. huge loser to huge winner. rags to riches. omega to alpha. foreveralone to loving tradwaifu. its important to remember that NOTHING has changed about ME. I’m the same person as I was before the interview, as I was for the hour I was doing the interview, on the basis of that hour they will decide to give me a 49k job and wave the magic wand and transform my life.  and i will still be the same person, same essence.  the same foreveralone virginal neet who managed to fake competence for an hour, in the right place at the right time, to convince the nice man to hire me.

really i mean this in the good way, like, i always had It In Me, when I tend to think I DONT have it in me. the confident man says YES I DO have “it” in me. I can handle this. I deserve good things. I can do a good job. I am WORTH 49k a year hehhehehehe. Seriously!!!!

I mean Im DEFINITELY worth 30k a year…..but 49k? I just can’t see it.

well at least I got an interview for a 13k a year job on thursday hahahaha. I am definitely worth 13k hahahaha.

49k PLUS health care (well Im sure that cuts into your 49k) PLUS paid time off PLUS vacation days PLUS 401k where they straight up contribute and you dont even have to! and weekends off! straight Mon thru Fri! and no midnights! no Split Shifts! No 60-80 hour weeks! there might be holidays but it sounds like there is rotations.

32k national AVERAGE for the mortgage job interviewing on monday. i would expect more towards the low end of 27k.  the job description is really confusing and talks about vendors and pipelines and distributed and waaaat.

i hate reading job descriptions, you dont even know what they’re SAYING, its like speaking a different LANGUAGE. and then you meet the people, and in a good situation like today, you see they are normal, nice, decent, honest people who aren’t trying to baffle you with BS. cuz these job descriptions are total bs.

property preservation. like a drug house in the ghetto where they need to scrub the blood off and the meth lab explosions and black mold and termites and toxic waste so the bank can sell it to fookin tarek and christina.  well wouldnt THEY do most of the rehab work? i mean alot of their shit was just shitty that they buy. i dunno! thats why they dont train you! i dunno! its just my job! who knows if im doing it right! yeah sure im doing it right! these are best practices HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

POLITICAL BELIEFS CAN BE CHANGED. YOU KNOW WHAT CANT BE CHANGED?

july 31

had dream with HER, first one in a while, i guess it goes in phases. for a while i was having a dream with HER every few days. then it stopped. now its back again haha.

in this one i was in muh old childhood home and she was sleeping upstairs in muh bedroom. muh famly didnt know she was up there. i was trying to get her out of the house unnoticed. ok this was my fault, i take responsibility for that. i was wrong hahaha.

although i think there was the implication that we were “back together” after the previous drama. which is usually bad news.  she’ll just end up dumping you again for the same stupid reasons, namely, youre not manly enough and can’t Lead her strongly enogh. you cant tame her hahahaha.

an interesting part was when she got up and started showing me all this school related stuff on the computer. she was SO EXCITED about going back to school and doing a business degree, and not at ALL excited about being with me. being left for a DEGREE. people are more excited about SCHOOL or CAREER than they are about YOU.

she was showing me this business article and was like ISNT THAT INTERESTING???!?!?!?! It was full of stupid jargon and I was like this doesnt make any sense, and I was mad, was she trying to show how she was SMARTER than me, because this complicated stuff made sense to her, so it made sense for her to leave me to go to school. when i was just frustrated and i could probably make snse of the article if she werent shoving it in my face and also LEAVING ME.

and she’s like why dont you go back to school, and i was like I already have a degree, AND I went back to school after that. I have like 1.5 degrees and it hasnt helped my career any. yeah yeah because i am a miserable low confidence lazy neet with personal issues. so of COURSE you shoudl leave me. i dont deserve to be with you, right? its my fault. so go back to school and get a better career with your business degree. its all so much more interesting and exciting and fun than being with a horrible loser like me.

yes i know being passive aggressive like that is bad! but it shows some of my very real insecurities.

Being left to work on school and career, when i HATE school and career and find personal relships much more important.

its like SHIT. I would WANT a good rel to help emotionally strengthen me while I went through the emotional Struggle of working on school and career. i would not want to face that without a good GF to cuddle with after the long days of failure hahahaha. recharge the confidence that is worn down every day.

but yet it happens all the time that people leave a rel to focus on school and career, esp with young 20s people. i dont have TIME for a REL right now.

really what they mean is they dont want to be with YOU any more. i wish they’d just say THAT.

this never really happened to me, although the women I was interested it did go on to be Powerhouses in School and Career. I was just never that involved with them that they had to LEAVE me FOR career.

now That Woman was not really like that. I could never see her doing a Business Degree. I liked that she was not obsessed with skool, and saw skool as a “necessary evil” rather than something great and awesome to be worshipped. she was not chomping at the bit to go back to school and neither was I.  most gurls (that arent mudshark pill popping white trash) are like i wanna get my masters in health care administration and work for humana health care as a senior area developer leader coordinator, adding value for the workgroup and changing patients lives while also making this the most successful health care organization in the country.

anyway, i HAVE been “left” for previous ex boifrans. a really obnoxious skinny jeaned annoying phaggot hipster who went on to a career in environmental activism, democratic party activism, and probably law skool.  a wimpy boring skinny guy who seemed too weak and boring and beeta to pull a woman, but he must have been really charming in private, who left a sweet university job to do a phd in antiwhite marxism. and lets not forget The Black Guys. never fun when they’d rather date black guys than you.

black guys and fooking antiwhite commies. are all more datable than me apparently hahahahaha.

the common denominator was that all these guys were more confident, charismatic and better with women than me. well, i dont know abotu that one wimpy guy hahahaha. but hey she STILL picked him over me!

anyway the dream was not fun. she had a big role in it and i saw a lot of her. too much of her. no not her naked body jeeeeez.  but just spending time with her. in a damn dream. maybe i could convince her not to leave me. but probably not. especially not by being weak and whiny and complaining that skool sucks! no, skool doesn’t suck, YOU just suck! thats why you can have 1.5 degrees and STILL do nothing with your life! you gotta get EXCITED about it! you gotta BELIEVE! you cant just go through the MOTIONS! you get out what you put it! you gotta really WANT it! you cant just show up and do your work and get A’s. you gotta really ATTACK it! gung ho!

the employers will know if your HEARTS not really in it!!

oh no baby, please dont leave me, i will be happy about you going back to skool, shit i will go back to skool myself, see i’ll take this online class in management, see, i’m going back to skool too omg its so interesting and awesome and also good for my career too! isnt it neat seeing what makes companies grow? i swear im smart enough to understand this intelligent business school stuff! and i find it genuinely, honestly, sincerely interesting and important, i swear!   just please dont leave me!!!!!

wow hahahaha.  the desperation is insane. off the charts.

so yeah that dream sucked. brought all this stuff right up to the surface. and its already there hahaha.

but it had that interesting element i had to mention: when the gurl is more interested in school and career than she is in YOU. and leaves you for a career. and looks down on you and leaves you because you ARENT more interested in skool and career. even though technically youre 3 times more educated than her hahahaha. she conveniently forgets about that.

not that i put much stock in the value of education. i just want to be credited for the stupid amount of education i do have.  i just like pointing out that i have 6 full time years of College and it hasnt gotten me anywhere hahaha.

but THEORETICALLY that keeps me busy from ages 18 to 24. and then I have a few years of work in there. so in Real World Terms, I am like 27 or 28 years old, which is really not too bad, not TOO far behind my actual age! And here I thought I had the maturity level of a 16 year old, hahahaha, when I’m really about as mature as a 27 year old hahahaha.

or, i’ve only really wasted 5 or 6 years, not 13 or 14 years.  that is helpful to remember. i just got 8 years of my life back! thats enough to get a phd of electrical engineering hahaha.

so i was thinking, joos like abortion and casual secs so much, what happens when their little jooish slut daughters get preggers at age 18? you’d think they’d just get an abortion because that’s the smart thing to do, but……..don’t joos value jooish life? at LEAST in terms of a jooish BABY is worth a lot of SHEKELS? like arent there jooish ADOPTION agencies that try to get jooish babies to jooish people who can’t have children of their own? or, generally, wouldnt a jooish baby be worth even more money than a white baby?  so why abort it when you can sell it? its a jooish moral / economic dilemma. like free ham hahahahahahahaha.

WELL, its probably a lot easier to abort if the joo gurl had a half goy baby.

BUT joo gurls also slut it up with joo boys at joo camp and JCC, so, theres a good chance of them having a fully jooish baby too.

that thought crossed my mind the other day. like, arent educated intelligent profession joos a bit CONFLICTED about aborting their own babies? cuz they are pretty racist and want the jooish population to grow.

yeah but its orthodox joos who are having all the babies. the educated professional ashkenazim are practically swpls in their antinatalism.

soooo…..what if i get offered this 10 dollar an hour part time job? i am thinking I should just take it hahaha.  but why do i think i even have a chance? because this is the SECOND time i am interviewing with this group. i mean for a second job. the first time i interviewed i said yeah you’ll see my name again for this other job. and they rejected me for the first job, and are now bringing me in for the second job.

well shit it would be AWKWARD to be rejected for TWO jobs at the SAME place, after interviewing with the SAME people, probably the same questions.

well, at this point, NOTHING would surprise me. the master of rejection here. I’ve been rejected every way you can THINK of, and I’m sure I’ll be rejected plenty more in ways I haven’t even thought of yet.

but yeah. plenty of people break up then “get back together”, they are still regularly hanging out, but “they aren’t back together, they arent dating.” well what ARE they doing? are they FOOKING? probably. are they FOOKING while the guy wishes he had the gurl BACK and the gurl is one foot out the door dating and fooking OTHER guys at the same time? just waiting for the guy to get jealous so she has an excuse to dump him again? probably.

and i thought i was bad at relationships! at least I dont go around Actively Jooing people like WOMEN do! they DO tons of stuff that is shady and jooish af! i would rather be honest and say baby this isnt working out, lets not kid ourselves, lets not joo each other. we’re done and there should be NO CONTACT. go fook your ingras and your social justice lawyers and your business school articles and your Management Career. they can fook you better than i can apparently.

dont put EARRINGS on BABIES. jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezum crow. this is SO trashy. it just seems SO unnatural and its pretty frustrating how normie idiots can’t see that its so unnatural.

not even getting interviewed for jobs that pay 15k a year. or getting interviewed and NOT getting the job. that pays 15k a year. experience the shame of THAT failure hahahaha.

that woman was always rather anti-police, but would she have gone ALL IN with that as so many people have recently? obviously its turned into a BIG political issue. might she have said, this is too much, i dont want to be lumped in with these black lives matters fanatics, and these black THUGS, i am gonna take my own side here, and if i’m gonna be pro-white, I pretty much should be pro-police too?

or will she take the side of the black thugs?

i’ll never know, hahahahahaha.

this COULD have been a point of disagreement between us….but i also dont think it would have been a big deal, because a Good Man can Guide and Mold and Direct his woman, and I could have made her understand that supporting black thugs was a bad idea.

she is anti-police for completely different reasons than loving black thugs anyway.

so yeah im not worried about differences in political opinions, because those can be CHANGED.

YOU KNOW WHAT CANT BE CHANGED?

Actions you did in the past: cheating, lying, cox you fooked and sucked, abortions, babies you murdered, degenerate, disgusting, evil shit you DID.

i dont give a SHIT about Media Constructions of Female Beauty, or airbrushed models or shit. you know what I DO give a shit about?

Average Normie QT 20 year old gurls in BATHING SUITS at the beach or pool or whatever. that you can find in bumfook kansas. these gurls are not EXTRAORDINARY. they are just not OLD or FAT. they are Normal, Young, QT girls, and when you put them in bathing suits and you see their bodies, you are about to explode in your pants. nothing fake or airbrushed or constructed about it WHATSOEVER.

i dont want anorexic models or movie stars! i wanted HER in all her 7/10 glory in a bathing suit with her pasty white skin and wide hips and fat thighs and fat cottage cheese ass and weak chin and zits and big nose! but at 24/25, she was SO YOUNG! and she had NO KIDS! and she was WHITE! and a 7! and had been with less than 5 guys! and was NICE to me for 2 years!

so yeah i hate that particular media lie that men have unrealistic expectations of female beauty because of patriarchy. No, we have PERFECTLY reasonable expectations of female beauty. just give us a 7/10 who isnt fat or old. PERIOD.

but i concluded recently that 7/10 WAS NOT reasonable for a guy with my low value, i should be expecting 6s or 5s.

hmmm.

but 50% of marriages end in divorce and WOMEN initiate 66% of all endings of relationships. sure maybe sometimes they dump the man for good reason. but I’d argue that 50% of the time, they dump him for a stupid reason.

just as women are the CHOOSERS, they are also the REJECTORS, and they are TERRIBLE at both choosing AND rejecting!

oh so youre a single mom? didn’t pick the greatest guy to make a new human life with eh? and now your baby’s life is an eternal reminder that you dont know how to pick a man.

well thats what SHE was though. so maybe it makes sense that SHE doesnt know how to pick a man either. but she picked a man she was with for 4 years!!!!! but thats all over. but what if she gets back together with him? would that make me happy? well, better than her being a slut and or getting with black guys.

why didnt the old bf just marry her? he was a little weird, but he was with her for 4 years. maybe he cheated on her. i dont think he did tho. he was just stubborn and grumpy and autistic and very much in a rut. and she STILL didnt leave him! HE left HER!!!!! how i wuold have liked to have that level of dedication and faithfulness and loyalty and willingness and effort from her!!!!!

so he left her and moved forward with his life. kinda like she left ME and moved way forward with HER life. and I moved BACKWARD. i didnt even stay at the same spot, i moved BACKWARDS!!!!!!!!

somebody holding you back….vs not having someone is whats holding you back, but you gotta learn how to move forward without them. so you plow forward without enthusiasm, without passion, and then learn thats just not good enough, employers want you to have passion or at least fake passion convincingly, and its very hard for me to fake that convincingly, but i try. but my trying isnt good enough.

anyway i will bang other sluts but i will still want her. i wont commit to them and luv them the way i would commit to her and luv her.

it feels like i will NEVER get over her. maybe its time to start seeing a shrink and taking meds hahahaha. OH WAIT.

i dunno. i guess i stopped working hard cuz i was TIRED of the hard work never paying off. might as well give up and not work if youre gonna get the same result anyway.

these women. its all about secs and fooking with these women. they have no idea what hearts or feelings or luv or romance or intimacy or connection is. the only that matters to them is a coq pounding a cvnt and then exploding all over their face for the camera omg lol. men are such sensitive romantics and women are such pornographic, jooish degenerates. how is it that men and women were designed to be together? homosexuality makes more sense!

shit i can see why people cast these voodoo spells and shit. and BEG For GOD to MAKE this person COME BACK. dear GOD change this persons mind and MAKE THEM luv me, because i dont want anybody but them.

how do you know when youre ready to meet new people? for example, right NOW i probably SHOULD meet new people, but I dont WANT to , i dont FEEL im over her, I still WANT her. but its POSSIBLE meeting new people would make me FORGET about her and ACTUALLY move on. becuase its been TOO DAMN LONG and I am CLEARLY HUNG UP on her.

so how about i just TRY banging other women and if i dont like em as much as i liked her, then i dont have to commit to them, and can make them get abortionz hahahahaha. like you care about human life anyway. just get another damn abortion.

i wonder how many abortionz she got in the past year. i wonder how many guys she fooked in the past year. 1? 2? 3? 4? 5? 6? 7?

i shouldnt even care but i do.

half of it is the job/career situation, ie, her moving UP, and me moving DOWN. that rustles me to NO end.

and That IS all my fault. for being too weak to handle the tough situation. the heat got too high, and i had to get out of the kitchen hehehe. she survived and became stronger for it.

but she wasnt facing nearly the same “heat” I was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how do you TRAIN on internal company things where you cant just google it?

well, just take your best guess and then ask the manager the right way to do it when they write you up for it, and hope you dont get fired for it.

11th interview on tues, 12th interview on thurs. nice. i am sure i will be nervous and rambling and not get the jobs hahaha but at least i will look good.

but yeah its stupid that you can never know or trust or be close to a woman, even if you are fooking them, even if you have known them for years. they are always god damn STRANGERS. no matter how well you think you know them.

how well did i really know her? how close of friends were we REALLY? i just dont know any more. so even the good parts seem fake. even if they werent.

i mean i WANT To be over her. aaaaannnnndddd its been a YEAR of no contact. im not over her but i really WISH i was over her. therefore, time to start hanging out wiht other sluts from okcupid hahahaha. and bang them. just go to the lake on summer day, look at them in a bathing suit, smoke MJ, well, have them smoke MJ and you can pop valiums, contemplate whtether their body is bangable, and then bang them when you leave, and then if you never want to see them again, you dont have to. besides do you want a woman who gives it up on the first date to be the mother of your children? do you want to show them to your family and say this SLUT is my WIFE?

my WIFE is a SLUT but this is the BEST i could get who didn’t leave me right away?

i want a nonslut but I dont DESERVE that! I’m not good enough to get what I want!

also when i do these interviews, its not like i freeze up. i start rambling and muh voice gets shaky and i am clearly nervous, but i survive them, i get through them, i dont run out the room screaming or anything.

if i had a gf who was pressuring me to go back to skool or she’d leave me, i would be thankful that she would be willing to let me do something to prevent her from leaving hahahahahahaha rather than jsut walk out and say THATS IT, IM DONE. then i would take 1 class at a time in fooking CNC machining or mechatronic or something and be like ya happy now baby? im ambitiously working on my career. i have career goals nao.  now how about your suk muh dik every time i do 20 minutes of skoolwork. and swear on your father that you will never leave me hahahahahaha. ok if you want to leave me, then hire a SHRINK to do it NICELY. and pay me 10k and give me a pound of indica MJ. and give me 100 more tapering off bangs, and send your slutty friends over to bangme. let me bang your mom and sisters too. THEN you can leave me hahahahaha.

hey it SUCKS to be LEFT. bitches act like they never been LEFT before. if they had, they would KNOW it sucks.

go back to skool or i will LEAVE you.

i will go back to skool if you promise to NOT LEAVE me

hahahahahaha

two sides of the same coin hahaha.

like i say, its better than just waking up one day and BOOM theyre ALREADY GONE, and THATS IT.

well, they’re not leaving you because they were NEVER WITH YOU.

just set a meeting with a shrink and have the shrink dump me. or hire a Process Server to Serve me with Papers. just make sure to take a FEW MINUTES to write down exactly everything you’re trying to communicate. say you want out, its over, and nothing will make you change your mind.

fine, im not gonna MAKE YOU STAY, im not an ABUSER. just say SORRY for breaking my HEART. you didnt like it when YOUR heart was broken. neither does anyone else, STUPID. hahahahaha.

if you have a picture of you with bill gates, then that will PROVE to people that you are SMART. you might not seem smart right now, but here’s me with bill gates.

doesn’t have to be bill gates. it can be anyone rich and famous who is generally accepted as smart. a supreme court justice.  magic black science man neil degrass tyson. magic asian science man michio kaku. steve jobs. mark jooerberg. the winkelvoss twins. anybody like that. then have that picture handy whenever anyone doubts your smarts. which they will do every day of your life when you are a gainfully employed bigboy.

maybe i SHOULD at least APPLY for Disability (SSI) because it would be SOME income in between jobs hahahaha.  i mean you usually get rejected the first time anyway, then i would have to pay for a LAWYER, etc.

woudl THAT come up in a background check?

MAYBE. probably.

why CANT a single mother teach their daughters how to pick good men? cant the single mother learn from their mistakes, and make sure their children learn from their mistakes?

because its all genetic. 100% nature hahaha. the apple does not fall far from the tree. if your mother picks bad men, you will probably pick bad men too. period. the end.

did nice 5 mile powerwalk

only burns 370 calkories

oh well.

i thought, its annoying when women tell men, you need some time by yourself, alone, to work on yourself, no one else will love you until you learn to love yourself and be comfortable by yourself.

i say thats total bullshit because when have THEY ever been without a rel for TEN YEARS or more. once you have been alone for TEN YEARS, or even “just” FIVE years, I say, you’ve been alone LONG ENOUGH, at this point, being single for so long is gonna hurt you more than its gonna help you “love yourself.” now youre gonna feel bad about being alone for so long! these women and people saying “you gotta love yourself first” have not been without a rel, without a gf or bf or whatever, for TEN FOOKIN YEARS, during the majority of their 20s.

THEY DONT KNOW WHAT THEYRE TALKING ABOUT.

NEVER LISTEN TO RELSHIP ADVICE FROM WOMEN. THEY DONT KNOW ANYTHIGN ABOUT RELSHIPS.

isn’t that funny? aren’t women supposed to be relationship oriented? all about rapport and getting along and all that? chit chat?

then why is it always DRAMA with them?

because they dont know SHIT about relationships!

but they are always IN relationships because…..

cmon you know it……..

WOMEN ARE THE SUPPLY, MEN ARE THE DEMAND.

so yeah i have been not even close to dating a woman for over 10 years. and i feel it has TWISTED me into a rusty twisted weird old man who just doesnt know HOW to have a real rel with a person.  well, with a woman at least.

shit ***I**** Know more about how relationships work than most women do, and Ive never been in one!!!!!!

i think when i was happiest…..and it was when i was just hanigng out with HER.

but i’m not ALLOWED to think of those happy times any more. well, i’m ALLOWED, but i know i SHOULDNT.

and technically that was the closest i ever had to a relship with a woman before. i’ve been friends with women before, but those gradually faded out after a couple years, esp after they moved far away. this one didnt fade out. i just kept getting deeper and deeper feelings until shit EXPLODED like a god damn nucular bomb hahahaha.

i dont even want to tell george feels that his interest in programming and coding is a fools errand. i was in his same position. i took a bunch of classes, including some in depth c++ coding. the main thing it taught me was that I could NEVER get a job in this. you have to know SO much just to get an entry level job. which are all being sold out to indians.  but you better either have a BS of CS, or you better be damn OBSESSED with coding, so that you lock yourself in your room, dont shower, and do nothing but CODE all day, making insane apps and programs. I could never do that. I got A’s in my coding  and felt some pride and sense of accomplishment….until I realized that the HARDEST program in c++ course 2, which was fairly hard, is not even the tip of the iceberg of what an entry-level, right out of college, 21 year old Entry Level Programmer would be doing. this is why you take literally 30 coding courses. get back to me when youve finished c++ course 30 and maybe then we’ll talk abuot getting you a 28k job. tons of overtime. FLSA exempt hahahahaha.

but they push coding camps and coding for kids and everybody should learn how to CODE! its the ticket to a good career for everybody!

NO, IT ISN’T, because then you’ll just have more people like me who can write kiddie hello world programs and do some basic functions, classes etc……..but NEVER DO ANYTHING WORTH ANYTHING OF REAL VALUE IN THE REAL WORLD. NOTHING THAT YOU COULD GET PAID FOR, LET ALONE AN AVERAGE INCOME.

you can LITERALLY make better money with your “skills” in a tech support help desk call center than with CODING.

and george would be MUCH better off staying at his boring library job than going to a help desk call center, or thinking hes gonna find a coding job. I have been TRYING to find a boring library job like his, but libraries dont hire FT people, and if they did, and I got an interview, I would probably lose out to a person with a masters of library degree, for a job that doesnt require one, because theres too many of THOSE.

but i dont even want to tell george it’s hopeless. take away the one shred of hope he has. it will be bad enough when he finds out eventually.

or maybe he will make it work, and he will show me how to make it work. obviously going to skool for it was not my idea of a good time hahaha.

and when you talk to actual working programmers, you see that their shit is ON POINT, and they are damn near AUTISTIC with their shit. staying up all night coding. they dont care they are 40 year old virgins because they LOVE coding so much, they literally eat sleep and dream coding, and I just never had it in my MARROW like they do. I had a slight interest in what I saw as a good skill. it is a good skill, but you have to be REALLY good to make ANY money.

I mean if I could find a $12 DAH job writing 12 DAH code and then gradually work up, I would. but i dont think those jobs exist, for newbs like me to write hello world 10 line programs. yeah im really shaky on pointers but just hire me for 12 DAH.

you can’t make 12 DAH being shaky on pointers!!!!!!

but its hard to find a good instructor who can really explain pointers! you either sit their and bash yourself in the head with pointers for 1488 hours until it sinks in, or you ragequit and find better uses of your time, like LIFTING or at least powerwalking. or taking nyquil and sleeping. or blogging.

so i am kinda schadenfreuding that moment when george loses his optimism in CODING.

FOOK CODING. Its a stupid golden calf hahaha. idolatry from idiots who have NO IDEA about how to get a JOB in coding.

but i dont want to say i told you so. this is all he has hahaha. let him have it for a while hahaha.

but why isnt he just smoking weed? hes not straight edge! he drinks a little! and he lives in COLORADO and has not made ONE vidya on MJ??!?!?!?!?!!

and here i am daydreaming about flying out to colorado and staying in a cheap hotel for a week just so I can sm0ke a pound of MJ in a week!! and of course enjoy the nice mountains and nature of colorado. while sm0king MJ in the forests and on the mountains.  and banging some white 25 year old hippie weed sluts.

stupid xkcd friends comic. this guy has some good comics but this is the WORST SHIT EVER and rsutling and triggering in SO MANY WAYS.  WHATS WRONG WITH RELATIONSHIPS GROWING NATURALLY OUT OF FRIENDSHIPS?????? this shit is patronizing to WOMEN for ASSUMING they can be fooled so easily. but they CAN be fooled so easily. come on. have some agency. you dont have to settle for this guy. why dont you call him out on his shit?

also why cant the woman tell that the guy has feelings for her? like me i was giving signals like crazy and i think she was picking up the signals. i should have told her point blank but uhhh i didnt want to tell her over text. i just wanted to hang out with her in a low-stress place like the people in the gay comic hahahaha.

also why is she always dating nothing but jerks? methinks this randall munro is a total niceguy womanhater. repent repent and you can become a ballless phaggot cuck like arthur chu. chen. whatever. that fat feminist male asian who was on jeopardy.

ill make you depend on me? i never did that shit! you cant MAKE someone DEPEND on you! they CHOOSE to enter in a friendship with you!

and you CAN legit “VALUE THE FRIENDSHIP”, while knowing that your feels are causing conflict, so then over time, you decide you want to talk about it. she knows what you want to talk about but she avoids it.

not seeing that angle in your phaggy comic. god damn this comic is so stupid. what if you were just friends at the beginning? and why cant this woman make decisions on her own? and why is the man such a conniving manipulator who has this grand scheme from day 1? I WASNT LIKE THIS AT ALL! WHAT KIND OF MAN WRITES SOMETHING LIKE THIS????

I hate these niceguys that are so anti-niceguy in order to signal to feminist cvnts. i hope this guy is alone and lonely for the rest of his pathetic niceguy woman-respecting life hahahaha. what a thoroughly unmasculine man. YOU FOOKING CHILD.

I just thank GOD I am not like this guy or this comic. although I HATE to think that SHE might think (or anyone else) that I WAS like the phaggot in this comic. there were some surface similarites, like a guy who has feelings for his female friend, but GOD DAMN. LET ME MANSPLAIN.

i wasnt a manipulating liar like he is. i wasnt orchestrating some damn huge production. I was TRYING to tell her. of course my actions were already telling her.

well, didnt the comic guy EVENTUALLY tell the woman ANYWAY, by dating her? then its all out there. so WHATS THE DAMN PROBLEM? that she’s so EMOTIONALLY RETARDED that she can’t figure out why she’s vaguely UNHAAAAAAAPPY? WELL THATS ON HER!! AND SHAME ON the author for setting the bar so LOW for women! although sadly, that really is a realistic bar for women.

i mean at that point, SHE’s living a lie. saying i luv u and being in a relship with a man she doesnt luv. and then the author blames it all on the fookin man. sheeeeit.

show this comic to your friends and lovers and if they LIKE it and says it makes an important point about men and niceguy cowards, punch them in the fooking face, cuz this is the most insulting dishonest JOOISH shit ever.

it treats women as CHILDREN. I know they ARE children, but I wish they werent!

http://xkcdsucks.blogspot.com/2008/12/comic-513-youre-breaking-up.html

hey i didnt want to “ask her out” at first! i didnt feel that way at first! then we just naturally became friends!

and when i wanted to “ask her out” she just kept avoiding me and avoidng me and avoiding me.

so i guess i was stupid for not recognizing that as the answer, that i still WANTED TO TALK ABOUT IT.

i dunno, ive been aware of niceguys for a long time, and i never want to be like that, but i share SOME aspects of that, but also NOT, because i am much more honest about my woman hate hahahaha. i even told her multiple times, im not a nice guy, i can be a total asshole. now let me buy you dinner hahahaha.

NO I wouldnt want to MAKE her be with me if she wasnt happy.

also its unclear if he was just fantasizing dating her, or if he actually dated her. yeah he sounds annoying and dishonest, but she didnt HAVE To date him or even be friends with him.

isnt it WEIRD being friends with somebody who obviously is in love with you?

how can you HIDE that?

I dont think even the WORST NICE GUY CAN HIDE THAT.

So really the woman just ignores it willfully.

so i dont think the niceguys are manipulative or jooish or evil or “expecting sex in return for friendship.”

i think they really ARE wantinga Luv Relship to grow out of a friendship.

but yeah obviously they should talk about it, esp if the woman is still willing to hang out with them.

That WOman knew i liked her, so she was not willing to hang out with me any more.

yeah i was stupid and cowardly but i wasnt like this, and also she should have been a little nicer.

i just hate thinking she viewed ME like the Niceguy Cueball. because i really wasnt.

 

YOUR SHOT IN THE DARK IS AS GOOD AS THEIR BEST PRACTICES

[ NOV 9 2016::: yep pretty big deal about this election. just enjoying the schadenfreude, taste the tears of shitlib losers hahaha. obviously happy about the YUGE BIGLY victory. we are going to DRAIN THE SWAMP and BUILD THE WALL. glad to see a VINDICATION for FOOKING WHITE MALES. these are MY PEOPLE and I am glad that real everyday Working White people have some Real Political Power. I thought hillary was gonna win so this is a pleasant surprise. the shitlib tears and butthurt is absolutely AMAZING, i LUV it, though wish I knew some more IRL trump fans. and sometimes i do get triggered by the butthurt, esp white males crying about how much white people SUCK, thats very rustling, but you know what, YOU LOST, TRAITOR hahahahaha. there is talk that it was WHITE WOMEN who pushed trump towards victory, if that is true, then that makes me feel a HELL of a lot better about white women. selling out their gender to submit to the white patriarchy. just do me a favor and look at how antiwhite the anti-trump people are. really think about that. there’s nothing you can do, whitey, to keep the left from hating you. you have to become like THAT, and constantly say whites sucks, whites suck, whites suck, for the left to like you.

oh yeah. in case muh READERS were unaware, and I appreciate my 30 followers, THANK YOU!!!! but you HAVE to realize by now, I am a trump supporter, I am a part of the Alt-Right Movement, I am a White Racist, and I am Pro-White and all about The 14 Words: We Must Secure The Existence of Our People and a Future For White Children. I don’t HATE anybody, but I can’t possibly convince anyone of that, and its not worth the effort trying. I mean I HATE that people have become so anti-white!!!!!

But its because its all karma for slavery and oppression the white man has perpetrated, right, so now we have to pay it back, always and forever. karmas a bitch, and it will be SO GREAT when these WHITE PEOPLE are out of power, but we gotta go thru 4 more years of suffering, maybe 8, hahahahaha.

these people are antiwhite as fook and I just cannot accept that. and there are plenty of whites who are like, yeah, but white people DESERVE IT. Whites have done SO much injustice! Whites DESERVE it! hell yeah I’m gonna check my privilege and fight for a world where whites are no longer a majority!

Yeah well I’m not that kind of white and I am happy Our Guy won. Yeah we are definitely projecting a ton of shit onto him, he will probably end up selling out and softening, but i say give him a chance. he tapped into REAL white working class populist shit like no candidate has in my lifetime, and I appreciate that fully. (Plenty of college edumacated white professionals certainly do not!)

anyway enjoy the shitlib tears, you’ll get to enjoy them for the next 4 years, hopefully 8 HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. and if trump ever falters, there will be another to take his place. he’s opened the gate and we will certainly see more blatantly alt-right (pro white) candidates in the future…..and we will NEED them.

BUILD THE WALL, repeal the immigration act of 1965 hahahaha.

you will get moar election related poasts in like june 2017, thats how far behind this thing is.

]

april 29 2016:::

i was listening to the fatherland podcast and they started talking about the Neet Question in such a serious way that it nearly brought a tear to my eye. The host Jim is very good at that, i think he was getting emotional too, as he shared the story of his sad, pathetic, 40 year old neet brother.

https://radio.therightstuff.biz/2016/04/20/the-fatherland-episode-23-the-nq/

I wouldnt mind a whole show talking like this about neets, but yeah it IS really sad and despairing and might even make the tuff marine NO1 cry like a baby when you confront the stark sad reality of it, rather than treat neets like a joke. co host and executive longsuffering produce bradan agrees, that we treat the neet question with too much jest, when in reality, being a neet is GRIM and SAD as FOOK.

but yeah this show is so good, thats the reason i have permalinked in in the sidebar. and the show is just getting better with honest talks such as this.

a 40 year old neet whose life never really moved forward after high school. he is a weirdo with a small world and a small mind and can only play or talk about vidya games. he is too weird to spend much time with his young niece. jim admits some similar tendencies but was able to overcome them and find a good wife and some kind of tolerable job.

believe me, i dont like being a neet at ALL. its HORRIBLE.

but also being at a terrible job is also terrible. its honestly about as bad. the shame of being a neet will seem like a good bargain. in fact i think it still is a good bargain. and i TURNED DOWN a job on a SILVER PLATTER to go back to another call center.

also I learned my lesson, to not even look at her NAME on facebook. I can write her name or talk about her, but to see her actually writing or saying things herself is too much.

yeah shes got a right to exist and i will not infringe that, but I am dead to her, so she should be figuratively irrelevant and invisible to me. its not good for me to SEE her living her life in any way. she’d rather talk to other people than talk to me ever again.

but yeah it sucks to have someone be a good influence on you and you want more of them in your life…..but you are a bad influence on them and they want you out of their life. this is devastating to the self confidence.

in other words I should have not gone to that facebook page where she was likely to post. then I saw the most innocuous post ever from her and was triggered just by her saying 1 sentence to other people. cuz thats more than she would say to me. imagine if her picture showed her face or body or her with a new BF or she was making lots of in depth posts like I do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway that was yesterday this is today. new day.

its not like i was looking for her. I was looking for Public News Stories about the Job, about the center being SHUT DOWN and about 50 ft jobs being cut in the city. easily the type of thing that could appear in a business news section. i guess I should have known better about clicking on a FACEBOOK page in the google search results.

its like deep down i WANTED to see if her name was there, and when I did see it, I got bad sad fee fees hahahaha. DONT DO THAT!!!!!

damn that TON album slow deep and hard is really good. one of their best. it is arguably more carnivore than TON but I don’t mind. also I don’t find the production as shitty as the band does. I think the production is great, everything sounds great. There is a great arrangement ear for songwriting here. great songs made up of great riffs. almost every song is coverable. yeah ok some parts are stronger than others and one song starts to drag after 9 minutes, but this is all excuseable. Pete’s vocals are very very on point. he is a very good scream/shouter.  the album perfectly captures heartbreak and betrayal and despair and anger and all that. I have just enjoyed the album more and more over the past 17 or 18 years since I first heard it hahahaha wow. I could always come back to this album.

And yeah the goth/rock/fun influences they added on bloody kisses are great too. I enjoy that album greatly too. but SDH has a real edge to it. And some argue that “Der Untermensch” aka “Waste of Life” does not fit the theme…..but DAT RIFF is so good I don’t care. plus it kinda does fit the theme. Often when you are heartbroken the only thing that can get your mind off The Woman, is the idea of how Shitty And Disgusting Other People are, hahaha. Degenerate Deadbeat Parasites, hahaha.

Origin of the Feces is also very good despite its completely degenerate, 3edgy5u cover art. the covers of hey joe and paranoid are outstanding. they even play the waste of life riff once, at a super slow snails pace, which is how I would do my cover of the whole song hahaha. They should have done the whole song like that on OOF. The rearrangements are somewhat hit or miss, but even the “misses” are enjoyable.

i am very good about going to the Gym….but my GOD are the people ANNOYING. they are not intimidating as I once worried, but they are just ANNOYING as FOOK. at this point I crank up the speed or incline and listen to “waste of life” again hahaha. arabs that bathe in cologne. arabs and albanians that speak loudly in arabic or albanian. people talking on their phones loudly. blacks who listen to their rap music and move their arms and legs in an obnoxious “swagger” sort of way as the rap guys say profound, inspiring, admirable, noble, good things about crack and bitches be bitches and dolla dolla bills yall and gettin turnt up on purple drank and banging ratchet white becky bitches and going to the trap house and smoking blunts erry day. shit I would rather be a 40 year old neet virgin hahaha than a degenerate moron.

did I mention the story of the older arab woman who was chattering loudly in arabic and couldnt figure out how to use the treadmill and then turned it up too high and then fell down on the treadmill right next to me. Now I want to help any elderly people regardless of race, but I just froze and couldnt think quickly. now I know that you should just press the stop button on the treadmill hahaha. i stood there like an idiot and quickly a staff member who spoke arabic came rushing up, and i snuck away and went to a treadmill on the other end of the facility.

the staff has been very very good. friendly and professional and I have been nothing but impressed by these decent young people.

or people with stupid tattoos, and attractive young women with skin tight clothing. they dont need to do this.

but overall it has been a good experience because i am exercising reguarly and burning a lot of calories. and putting up with the annoying people. but my god are they fookin ANNOYING. it makes me feel very hateful, like i could never relate to people or make friends or get along with women hahahaha. feel very misanthropic.

but hey it gets my mind off that woman, and it helps me lose weight, so its all good.

also I have definitely made SOME progress in the past 9 months. I dont think about that woman AS much. it IS slooooooooooooooooooowly getting better. so thank GOD for that.

im still not sure what I WANT from her. as in, do I WANT her to contact me and apologize? sort of, but I also WANT her to be with me, and I would use that towards that end, unsuccessfully. get my hopes up again. or be disappointed that she wasnt apologizing well enough, didnt seem to understand. disappointed if she wanted to be just friends, while she fooked guys and lived life and makes money and we went to a much more superficial shallow friendship than we had in the past.

i mean the shit that happened between us is MAJOR and really the only way to get through it would be to have HOURS of conversation about it, and probably for her to wholeheartedly commit to me as a monog long term GF. t show me a lot of luv and support and effort. make time for ME. WANT to spend time with me. dont nag me because you make more money than me.  these are all pretty big things to ask, which she prob wouldnt be willing or able to do.

we’d have to both get back to the level of closeness we had before, in the good times, AND move that forward into a Definite Dating Rel. THAT is what I want, and that is VERY unlikely to happen even if she DOES contact me at some point. at BEST she would give a halfhearted apology, talk about how good she’s doing, and then move on with her successful life after appeasing her guilt with this one small token.

still not ready to return to facebook yet. that will take at least a year hahahah. and really. how useful was facebook anyway? I dont really miss it. I’m kinda glad to be RID of it. stalking people I never talk to, reading peoples bullshit news feeds, comparing myself to them. I very well may NEVER go back to facebook. facebook is a net negative.

all my real friends have my email and phone and I have THEIR email and phone.

I would recommend You All try deactivating your facebook for at least a month or 3 and see how it works for you! It’s been a pretty good thing for me!

trump protestors. what pathetic subhumans hahahaha. i don’t like any of the non trump candidates but Im not gonna fooking PROTEST them. carl the cuck and aids skrillex losers. ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW. WOW. JUST WOW. I CANT EVEN. YOURE A FOOKING WHITE MALE.

shit i give the recruiter a list of thirty names, and they respond with yeah the center closing is not confidential because we already know about it. if you have any referrals id greatly appreciate it.

WTF?!??!?!?!?!?!??!??!!!????!!!???!!!???!!!??!?!?!?!????!!?!?!

you’re making 50 grand a year and this is the level of cluelessness you show?

it’s just been really hard for me to understand people making good money for being clueless, incompetent, and inefficient, in the business world, which is supposed to trim fat and increase efficiency.

they aim to do that on paper…….. but give the surface the SLIGHTEST scratch, and you will find HORRIFYING disorganization and incompetence. managed by a team of college educated managers. its an OBVIOUS DISGRACE the way these companies are run. if their CUSTOMERS saw this, they would RUN AWAY and the company would RIGHTFULLY go out of business. I hate this shit. I guess I have THAT much respect for asshole customers hahaha. i just REFUSE to scam and bullshit people.

I suppose “referral” must mean here is the persons phone number, you can call them, and I’ve gotten express permission from them to have you contact them and say I referred them. I didn’t say this. I wanted to be kept anonymous and really gave them a bunch of “leads” as opposed to “referrals.”

hey I dont know best practices in the recruiting field!

But I guess that makes me just as smart and competent as someone WORKING IN the recruiting field!

You want to hope that people are skilled experts……but you know JUST AS MUCH as the “EXPERTS!”

your shot in the dark is just as good as their best practices!!!!!!!

THEY DONT KNOW THEIR OWN BEST PRACTICES!!!!!!! and they are PAID for this service!!!!!!!

HOW DO THESE COMPANIES SURVIVE?????? AND THEY DO!!!!!!!!

i am VERY frustrated by this.

then you take it too far and start doubting all experts and start becoming anti-science and anti-intellectual. evolution is just a “THEORY” hahahaha. dinosaurs are just a “THEORY”.

but questioning authority is generally a good thing.

it would suck if trump has a heart attack or something. he is like 70 years old, how can he be so high energy all the time. I know he is in great health, but….i mean I just dont want him to overexert himself. he has to live for at least the next 8 years hahaha. he is our only hope hahaha.

questions for potential wife.txt: why don’t you have any respect for human life or the process that creates it?

hahahahaha.

ok took some time to complete a decent application for a university FT clerk job I would be stupid not to apply for.

a few months ago i would have been like noooo the whole application process is too excruciating. but i have come a long way baby. i converted my txt files to doc files this time around, see if that helps.  included link to shiny new linkedin profile.

open office, when you save as a doc file, does not show the god damn date modified whatsoever! so stupid! this is persuading me to try libre office now.

I lost somebody who was important to me in a very hurtful way and it hurt me a lot! and they dont seem to care at all! these facts cannot be denied hahaha. that is the basics of the situation. show some care and concern about me and the good, valuable, important friendship we had!

well i am not the worst neet becuase I care about lifting myself up from neetness. I dont want to be a neet. I apply for jobs and talk to recruiters and take assessments and put on semi nice clothes and shave. I apply for dozens of jobs. I exercise regularly and am successfully losing weight. I care about things other than anime and vidya. I dont like these things at all. all this puts me WAY ahead of the average neet.

but yeah if i had to do a masters degree, it would probably be a psychology related thing to neets and or marriage and relationships. all with a heavy counseling angle.

so you see why I am not chomping at the bit to do a masters degree. there is NO WAY you can make this degree profitable. unless you get into a decent all expenses paid PHD program…..and that is not gonna happen.

it would literally be more profitable for me to work in a call center the rest of my life.

hahahahha some phaggot protester is holding a sign saying TRUMP = NAZI omg hahahaha. this is literally the level of these people. it sounds like a parody but its REALITY.

literally literally literally. heh. get this word out of your vocabulary. you’ve been hanging out with WOMEN too much. fook that shit. dont talk like a WOMAN hahahaha.

come on. WOMEN arent that bad. even SHE wasnt that bad. sure she was a little dumb and annoying when i mattered THE MOST but that doesnt make her a bad person. i just wish she had been better to me, and that she recognizes the error of her ways and asks to BE with me. not gonna happen, hahaha.

fookin recruiters. another jackass bitch from linkedin wanting to recruit for a “technical support ENGINEER” who “enjoys solving complex technical problems.”  this wouldnt be so bad if it didnt mean CALL CENTER where you are forced to cut corners and bullshit people on complex problems just to “handle” the most calls as quickly as possible.

email us back with the exact error code and we will get back to you within 72 hours. even though you told them exactly when and where it happened.

also they tell YOU to be more specific and to give more information……but they are not specific about what information. tell us the line number and your computer properties. COMPUTER PROPERTIES??????

I would ASSUME that what they want is the stuff under “computer properties” when you press shift+pause break. excuse me, win+pausebreak. =  System Information.

normies don’t know how to win+pausebreak and I wouldnt expect them to. I bet SHE didnt know about win+pausebreak.  that INCOMPETENT MORON who didnt DESERVE her job!!!!! hahaha. i only learned about it from an autistic level 1 guy. he loved the shit out of vidya and anime.

MAYBE i could go back to a tech support call center later in life when i have more strength and confidence and toughness, and then actually make some good money. some people actually do make a good living in this field. like she is shaping up to be one of those people. i was shaping up to be one of those people until i had my breakdown. because of HERRRRRRR hahahaha. no because of my Inability To COPE with Herrrrrrrrrrr.

unsuccessfully coping with the natural beauty of being thrown away like a piece of garbage hahahaha

thats a TON reference

(type o negative)

see I think my jokes are funny but you kinda need other people to think the jokes are funny in order for them to be REALLY funny.

literally funny.

its not funny if NO ONE GETS the joke.

ok libre office documents show the date modified. that settles it. i am switching over.

shit i cant believe i looked at porn in november hahahah. that brings my streak back to under 6 months.

actually its techincally less since i saw some SLUT on TUMBLR in like february…….but I eventually forced myself to stop looking at that and didnt Jerk Off to the dirty degenerate fatherless whore spreading her cvnt and asshole to the whole world and calling it erotic art.

heh. anti hillary and anti bernie protesters are not as degenerate and uncouth and barbaric as these disgraceful anti trump protestors. just fooking riff raff.

yeah it would have been so nice to have a normie relship with a woman i really liked and really got along with. i have not cuddled with a gurl in like 11 years, havent had good heterosexual fun in 11 years. the closest was a retarded very random drunken make out session with a random drunk gurl a little over 10 years ago, but even that was a big dropoff in fun from the 11 years ago action. that (the 11 years one) was with some bitch i was in luv with…..but we didnt actually KNOW each other or really get along with each other, they way I did with woman2015. it just felt really good to have a cute gurl making out with me rubbing against muh d hahahaha. you get harder than you ever could to porno.

and if i could have done that with HER, it would have been even better. cuz we had something REAL hahaha.

it just sucks that she has experienced being in a rel for 5 years, and me for never more than 3 shitty months hahahah.

so when we had a good 2 year friendship, that meant a lot to me. thats a LOT to get from a woman. for me. women usually want nothing to do with me, and i want nothing to do with them. a total mgtow hahahaha.

i mean i dont want random secs, i want a rel. and in a way, i did have a rel with her. so its no surprise i got deep feelz for her.

those other gurls i made out and cuddled and fell in luv with…..we never had a real rel. I had a more real rel with That Woman. and a real rel means a lot to me.

All Yall Bitches an Hoes just cannot understand this and need it severely Mansplained haha.

Men understand Relationships and Luv much better than Women do.  Such a shame men need women to have a Hetero RElationship hahahahaha.

no not all women are so incompetent at relationships. in fact SHE was VERY competent in OTHER relationships! she just didnt want to be competent with ME! i’m not even TALKING about her wanting a rel with me! I’m talking about her wanting to be COMPETENT with me!

its not fair to her and really not fair to me either to blame it on her being a dumb whore…..because shes not. i purposely stay away from dirty whores. i am DONE with dirty whores and refuse to associate with that filth. you see too much of that, and you begin to think all women are like that, and thats how you become a true woman hater.

she was not a dirty whore but she STILL hurt me deeply. just a difficult, sad, tough situation with no easy answers hahahaha. well other than i need to be more assertive and timely with my communication. just take charge of shit and not let it get out of hand.

why dont companies give good training to their employees?

because it costs too much money!

why dont companies give good service to their customers?

because it costs too much money!

now you’re getting it!!!!!!

believe me i am not anti-business!!!!! and i say fook “corporate social responsibility!” but i say companies should have a responsibility to train their employees to provide GOOD service to their customers!

just run a business like a good decent honest white man would! thats it!!!! and that really IS too much to ask.

its really not too much to ask to ask women to be decent and mature people. i dont want this event to make me think that all women are horribly immature and cant act responsibly in a relationship.  they just never have with ME hahahaha.

well thats not even true. the sluts i never even really knew treated me more responsibly and maturely than the woman I Truly Knew did.

oh well. just find some damn dirty whore because thats all women are anyway.

NO RESPECT FOR HUMAN LIFE OR THE PROCESS THAT CREATES IT.

Well maybe they respect human life……..just not the process that creates it.  thats acceptable right?

NOPE.

because its a slippery slope to not respecting human life period. getting abortions and cheating and lying and screwing and j00ing and abandoning and betraying.

they dont understand this though.

I guess they dont need to udnerstand it, as long as they dont Act like whores and do all those horrible things. actions speak louder than understanding or not understanding hahahaa.

also they might not UNDERSTAND it but they still have a solid moral code that says “casual sex is gross and I Just Don’t Do That.” that’s MORE than good enough for me hahahaha.

Casual Sex to me is when you know the guy less than two months before fooking them. Shit I would LIKE at least SIX months, but if you were to look at the Distribution Curve…..you’d probably find a Big Hump at like ONE month.

we need to bring that up to six months, at least.

sex before two months, abortions, cheating, these bitches have no guilt or shame about these things.

hahahaha.

she probably felt SOME guilt about the way she dumped me, rightfully so. she just probably got OVER that guilt a LOT quicker than I got over the pain and got over her. I want the pain of guilt for her to be at LEAST 50% of the pain I felt from being Walked Out On by an Important Person.

not 100, not 90, just 50. i take responsibility for 50% of my feelings hahahahahahahaha.

also, if she had TRIED, she could have saved me 10% of my pain, at least. it doesnt sound like a lot……but 10% of a billion dollars is still a LOT of money. so she would have saved me a LOT of pain, and i would have APPRECIATED it a LOT. I would have been a LOT less bitter.

this was a very SAD thing and I was/am very BITTER as well as sad.

yeah i will get over it all, it will just take a LONG time and she could have helped make that time shorter with just a LITTLE effort on her part. show ANY effort. a LITTLE effort is a LOT better than NO effort.

also it would have been nice if, as a part of quickly getting over her guilt, she did SOMETHING, made a GESTURE of penance and amends as part of appeasing that guilt.

i mean if she did that now….well i would just ask her, is there any chance you would want to go out with me. yes or no. NOT i dont know. if theres a chance lets try it. if theres not, tell me NO. not MAYBE. if maybe, lets just try it. like you dont fook guys you know less than two months hahahaha you cvmhungry whore. cvmgry.

i am indecisive and dont know on alot of stuff. confused and unsure and on the fence. but when it comes to the women i luv, i am All In for Them. of that there is no doubt. certainly I have never been on the receiving end, but I would like a woman to give me a CHANCE for more than 2 or 3 months hahahaha. how can I not even last 3 months. that is a bit humiliating. theyd rather get their ass pounded by swarthy strangers than hang out with ME. you start to develop an inferiority complex. like you arent Cool or Sexy or Exciting or Manly enough for Women.

heh. at this point i dont care that the women from 11, 12 years ago are WAY more successful than me. And one day I will not care that woman2015 is way more successful than me hahaha. I do wish I were a little more successful though. successful enough to pull a decent woman ahahaha.

and i found a decent woman and we were good friends for a long time wawawawawawawa. and then it ended in the worst way ever wawawawwawa.

hahahahaha i was more than cool enough for her until i started liking her hahaha. then that was just GHASTLY and ABOMINABLE and HORRIFYING to her. ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING. thanks i appreciate that hahaha.

fookin .05/.10 holdem hahahaha. getting into the big leagues now.  this is about 2 to 4 cents. when i sit down with a 10.00 chip stack that is about $4.54 USD.

heh. well maybe in january 2017 my state will have legal w33d and i will be getting blazed all the time hahahahaha. like that is a good thing.  then i would fail all these goddamn drug tests.

i mean when an important person in your life goes away, it leaves a VOID. i wouldnt mind filling that void. sometimes smoking MJ is a way you can filled various voids. probably not a good thing though.

i am just mad she can handle a grown up job and make good money. yes it is discouraging to have women who reject you also make more money than you and be more career successful than you. whatever happened to the wage gap. i thought men were supposed to make more than women. and if you are a man who is very bad at making money, you will be considered invisible or repulsive by women. I mean she is 8 years younger than me and makes 3 dollars an hour more than I am looking for!!!!

when a MUCH younger WOMAN makes a LOT more money than you…..that is humiliating. especially when she has rejected you extremely harshly.