ON THE JOB TRAINING IS NOT TRAINING AT ALL

aug 27

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

i mean i study the companies before doing the interviews. i write thank you emails. i dress nice. i shave my face. i act very interested in the job. i ask questions at the end. what the hell am i doing wrong hahahaha. my fatal flaw is that i get a little nervous. and that i have such a long GAP. something must be DEEPLY WRONG with me. he needs SERIOUS HELP. he SHOULDNT BE working. or, he thinks hes gonna work HERE? HA! he needs to PAY HIS DUES first! get a job at walmart or mcdonalds or a shitty restaurant or call center, show that youre WILLING TO WORK first, before you can get an AWESOME job like this!

this is for that phone interview on monday. looks like the company is more reputable than i thought. winning all these best places to work awards, having many skilled and respected engineers, a destination kind of employer, that only wants the best of the best. which i am not. but i was when i was 17-18!

also my problem is that i cant just suck it up and live through a shitty job. it breaks me down into a Dumpster Fire and then I end up Committing Career Suicide and moving DOWN the career ladder ultimately. i dont really pay dues but get actively punished.

then i see all the people with engin degrees working for this palce, making 60k, thinking DAMN, I went to a TOP SKOOL, I went to a better skool than THEY did, why didnt I just get a damn ENGIN degree, then I could be making 60k too, I could have a wife and a FAMILY, and a good job, instead of being a huge neet loser who cant deal with LIFE.

and get angry and discouraged and slow down on muh job search hahaha.

yeah well today i am studying the company so i sound informed on muh 15 minute phone interview monday. see if its enough to overcompensate and get me a physical interview. prob not hahahaha.

then tomorrow i will study the company for tuesday int. much more of a blue collar place. but they are big and they have been around a while. not some fly by night arab company hahahaha. or shitty crab people asian company.

shit i had way more confidence in 2013 when i was working my mickey mouse job and was becoming close friends with That Woman.

see im desperate but i also cant take just any job because if i take a super shitty call center or customer service job, i am very worried about muh emotional health, and would i snap and quit. i dont want to put myself into a position like that so i avoid applying for those kinda jobs. high stress jobs hahahaha.

thinking about partying tonight with a valium nyquil combo. it is saturday nigth after all.

so, have a better feeling about the tuesday interview than the monday interview as a job i could actually GET. but i feel the monday place would be more fun and chill and better workplace than the tuesday place. well of COURSE its HARD to get into a GOOD workplace! the easier the job is to get, the WORSE the job is gonna be, the more it is gonna push you to your Limit.  and not in the good way hahahaha.

aug 28

took the valium nyquil combo around 645 pm, did 4.2 mile powerwalk, went to bed, slept pretty good. the combo i guess chilled me out a little bit and made me sleep good. would still prefer partaking MJ hahahaha.

it shuts your mind down, you cant think negative thoughts because it takes too much effort to think at all hahahaha. in other words it might be difficult to WORK, where you are trying to solve problems and bullshit on your feet all day. explaining and bullshitting and coming up with plans and reasons and explanations and answers and solutions.

sheeeeeeeit. it might be That Womans birthday very very soon. thankfully it doesnt bother me as much as youd think it would. one of my goals was to spend a womans birthday with her and have birthday cuddling with them, or having them spend my birthday with me and have birthday cuddling. or secs. or handholding. or making out. or hanging out.

never happened though hahahahahahaha. 2 years ago i went to dinner with my female friend and it was near her birthday and i was right on the CUSP of starting to feel differently about her. but not quite sure i was there yet. but i was getting very close.

in fact i wasnt even sure what her exact birthday was. it takes a while before someones birthday is a big deal for you.  you gotta know them at least a year.

and the next year of course i would ahve really liked to spend her bday with her but by that time we were DONE.

and now we’ve been DONE for a full YEAR after that.

i heard this song when this album came out in 1998, 18 years ago hahahaha and i was a stupid angsty high schooler listening to the weekly radio metal show. i thought the song was very catchy and epic and it was the first time i enjoyed anything like power metal.

i never listened to the whole album. i will now give it a chance hehehehe.

hmm very sleepy and tired today, the day after the nyquil. i guess thats not suprising.

cheap “skullcandy” earbuds lasted only 2 weeks. what cheap chinese crap. one ear went out then the other ear went out very quickly. one ear is bad enough and time to buy a new pair of cheap chinese throwaway garbage.

537 that is my new goal hahahaha. 537 job applications hahahaha. i get 1 interview for roughly every 21.4 applications hehehehe. and so if i want 25 interviews, then 537.

i am “only” at 386 so far.

i have been slowing down lately, getting a bit discouraged.

maybe i should contact her on her birthday hahahahahahaha. no i am just joking.

 

did SHE ever contact ME on MY birthday? HELL NO! she didnt even KNOW when my birthday was! although i kinda make it hard. you have to ask me and then mark it down on your calendar. which nobody does because they just use facebook to remember birthdays hahahaha.

but yeah at one time she was a real friend and i havent found any new friends to fill that friend gap. and i liked having that kind of person playing that kind of role in my life. i mean shit it was a two way street too, i was playing the same role in her life too.

ok  went to shitstore and bought some shitty 10 dollar sony earbuds that i HOPE will last 1 month.

listen to some of the hammerfall album, see if its any good. need more positive shit hahahaha.

was listening to george feels and he had a very sad pathetic feelsy video and i was like yep i shouldnt listen to this, this is not gonna help me. something basically how he had done nothing with the past 3 years of his life, his biggest accomplishment was not jerking off for 100 days hahahaha. in 3 fookin years. so he felt bad about that and then i felt bad too about not accomplishing anything with my life either hahaha.

well i did accomplish a bit in the past 3 years: moved from old job to new job, became close friends with that woman, pushed myself to the limit with new job, did some super amazing shit that i lose sight of now, and cant convince employers that once i was valuable hahahaha, went on road trip with old friend, fell in luv with female friend, saw 3 classic concerts, discovered trs, and then shit started going bad, rel with woman fell apart, lost job, got dumped, was in a state of deep despair for months, started a gym membership for the first time in life, lost 30 pounds, applied to 386 jobs and went on 18 interviews, got 2 new good suits. so yeah id say i accomplished more than george hahahahaha in the past 3 years. there was some epically BAD shit, as well as some pretty good shit too, but the bad shit has been what i remembered most and what i am lingering in now.

anyway POINT IS, there was plenty of good shit or not bad shit, or at least forward moment or personal improvement.

but all the good shit happened in the first half, and all the bad shit happened in the second half, so the bad shit is all i remember.

well, losing the 30 pounds is a big deal and i am doing that right now.

so is buying the suit, and doing the interviews.

but the interviews also suck because they dont lead to anything.

inherently, the interviews are a good thing and i should view them as such, rather than DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE. and saying yeah interviews a normally all right, but THESE interviews arent so good because they dont RESULT in anything.

yes in our results oriented world its difficult saying something that doesnt have any results is a good thing.

but each abortion failure of an interview hahahaha is getting me closer to my goal of 25.

and the interviews arent really abortion failures. i look all right, i sound smart, although a little nervous, i show that ive done my homework on the company, i write thank you notes, i am one of 4 finalists for a 45k job, i mean come on these are all good things.

but the overall general shame of being an unemployable neet bum is SUCH MAGNITUDE hehehehe that it casts a shadow on all the other shit.

anyway, point is, there is a DECENT AMOUNT of good stuff ive done the past 3 years…..its just overshadowed by the bad shit because the bad shit was more recent, and honestly it was ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATING. it was probably greater magnitude than the positive stuff was positive. but there WAS still somewhat DECENT magnitude of positiveness on the positive stuff.

PLUS, we always interpret bad things worse than we interpret good things as good. in other words, really good shit WEARS OFF QUICKLY, while bad shit lingers. so we need like 5 good things to lift us up for every 1 bad thing. defeat feels much worse than victory feels good. FACT.

anyway point is george has his more positive videos and his more negative videos, and i should stay away from the neg ones. and so should he. being that we are very much alike and struggle with the same problems.

and just like him i need to focus on the positive and essentially IGNORE the negative. because its focusing on the negative and IGNORING THE POSITIVE that has gotten us in this horrible mindset. low energy, very low confidence, lazy, neet, in a rut, spinning the wheels, not trying, giving up easily, defeatist, etc.

i listened to a bit of the hammerfall and it made me want to listen to judas priest “painkiller” so i did. i guess they have similar sounding productions and the drum bit at the beginning of the album is a direct tribute to painkiller possibly. but the hammerfall is definitely a bit more “power metal” and the singer doesnt really sound like halford. which is FINE. halford is awesome, but i wanted something a bit more power metally anyway. like ridiculous, somewhat epic songs and songs about warriors and courage and all that. whereas judas priest is arguably not very power metally while at the same time influencing every power metal band….they never fully went that way themselves, because they were sorta reinventing themselves on every album.

probably iron maiden is the more power metally band.

 

POLITICAL BELIEFS CAN BE CHANGED. YOU KNOW WHAT CANT BE CHANGED?

july 31

had dream with HER, first one in a while, i guess it goes in phases. for a while i was having a dream with HER every few days. then it stopped. now its back again haha.

in this one i was in muh old childhood home and she was sleeping upstairs in muh bedroom. muh famly didnt know she was up there. i was trying to get her out of the house unnoticed. ok this was my fault, i take responsibility for that. i was wrong hahaha.

although i think there was the implication that we were “back together” after the previous drama. which is usually bad news.  she’ll just end up dumping you again for the same stupid reasons, namely, youre not manly enough and can’t Lead her strongly enogh. you cant tame her hahahaha.

an interesting part was when she got up and started showing me all this school related stuff on the computer. she was SO EXCITED about going back to school and doing a business degree, and not at ALL excited about being with me. being left for a DEGREE. people are more excited about SCHOOL or CAREER than they are about YOU.

she was showing me this business article and was like ISNT THAT INTERESTING???!?!?!?! It was full of stupid jargon and I was like this doesnt make any sense, and I was mad, was she trying to show how she was SMARTER than me, because this complicated stuff made sense to her, so it made sense for her to leave me to go to school. when i was just frustrated and i could probably make snse of the article if she werent shoving it in my face and also LEAVING ME.

and she’s like why dont you go back to school, and i was like I already have a degree, AND I went back to school after that. I have like 1.5 degrees and it hasnt helped my career any. yeah yeah because i am a miserable low confidence lazy neet with personal issues. so of COURSE you shoudl leave me. i dont deserve to be with you, right? its my fault. so go back to school and get a better career with your business degree. its all so much more interesting and exciting and fun than being with a horrible loser like me.

yes i know being passive aggressive like that is bad! but it shows some of my very real insecurities.

Being left to work on school and career, when i HATE school and career and find personal relships much more important.

its like SHIT. I would WANT a good rel to help emotionally strengthen me while I went through the emotional Struggle of working on school and career. i would not want to face that without a good GF to cuddle with after the long days of failure hahahaha. recharge the confidence that is worn down every day.

but yet it happens all the time that people leave a rel to focus on school and career, esp with young 20s people. i dont have TIME for a REL right now.

really what they mean is they dont want to be with YOU any more. i wish they’d just say THAT.

this never really happened to me, although the women I was interested it did go on to be Powerhouses in School and Career. I was just never that involved with them that they had to LEAVE me FOR career.

now That Woman was not really like that. I could never see her doing a Business Degree. I liked that she was not obsessed with skool, and saw skool as a “necessary evil” rather than something great and awesome to be worshipped. she was not chomping at the bit to go back to school and neither was I.  most gurls (that arent mudshark pill popping white trash) are like i wanna get my masters in health care administration and work for humana health care as a senior area developer leader coordinator, adding value for the workgroup and changing patients lives while also making this the most successful health care organization in the country.

anyway, i HAVE been “left” for previous ex boifrans. a really obnoxious skinny jeaned annoying phaggot hipster who went on to a career in environmental activism, democratic party activism, and probably law skool.  a wimpy boring skinny guy who seemed too weak and boring and beeta to pull a woman, but he must have been really charming in private, who left a sweet university job to do a phd in antiwhite marxism. and lets not forget The Black Guys. never fun when they’d rather date black guys than you.

black guys and fooking antiwhite commies. are all more datable than me apparently hahahahaha.

the common denominator was that all these guys were more confident, charismatic and better with women than me. well, i dont know abotu that one wimpy guy hahahaha. but hey she STILL picked him over me!

anyway the dream was not fun. she had a big role in it and i saw a lot of her. too much of her. no not her naked body jeeeeez.  but just spending time with her. in a damn dream. maybe i could convince her not to leave me. but probably not. especially not by being weak and whiny and complaining that skool sucks! no, skool doesn’t suck, YOU just suck! thats why you can have 1.5 degrees and STILL do nothing with your life! you gotta get EXCITED about it! you gotta BELIEVE! you cant just go through the MOTIONS! you get out what you put it! you gotta really WANT it! you cant just show up and do your work and get A’s. you gotta really ATTACK it! gung ho!

the employers will know if your HEARTS not really in it!!

oh no baby, please dont leave me, i will be happy about you going back to skool, shit i will go back to skool myself, see i’ll take this online class in management, see, i’m going back to skool too omg its so interesting and awesome and also good for my career too! isnt it neat seeing what makes companies grow? i swear im smart enough to understand this intelligent business school stuff! and i find it genuinely, honestly, sincerely interesting and important, i swear!   just please dont leave me!!!!!

wow hahahaha.  the desperation is insane. off the charts.

so yeah that dream sucked. brought all this stuff right up to the surface. and its already there hahaha.

but it had that interesting element i had to mention: when the gurl is more interested in school and career than she is in YOU. and leaves you for a career. and looks down on you and leaves you because you ARENT more interested in skool and career. even though technically youre 3 times more educated than her hahahaha. she conveniently forgets about that.

not that i put much stock in the value of education. i just want to be credited for the stupid amount of education i do have.  i just like pointing out that i have 6 full time years of College and it hasnt gotten me anywhere hahaha.

but THEORETICALLY that keeps me busy from ages 18 to 24. and then I have a few years of work in there. so in Real World Terms, I am like 27 or 28 years old, which is really not too bad, not TOO far behind my actual age! And here I thought I had the maturity level of a 16 year old, hahahaha, when I’m really about as mature as a 27 year old hahahaha.

or, i’ve only really wasted 5 or 6 years, not 13 or 14 years.  that is helpful to remember. i just got 8 years of my life back! thats enough to get a phd of electrical engineering hahaha.

so i was thinking, joos like abortion and casual secs so much, what happens when their little jooish slut daughters get preggers at age 18? you’d think they’d just get an abortion because that’s the smart thing to do, but……..don’t joos value jooish life? at LEAST in terms of a jooish BABY is worth a lot of SHEKELS? like arent there jooish ADOPTION agencies that try to get jooish babies to jooish people who can’t have children of their own? or, generally, wouldnt a jooish baby be worth even more money than a white baby?  so why abort it when you can sell it? its a jooish moral / economic dilemma. like free ham hahahahahahahaha.

WELL, its probably a lot easier to abort if the joo gurl had a half goy baby.

BUT joo gurls also slut it up with joo boys at joo camp and JCC, so, theres a good chance of them having a fully jooish baby too.

that thought crossed my mind the other day. like, arent educated intelligent profession joos a bit CONFLICTED about aborting their own babies? cuz they are pretty racist and want the jooish population to grow.

yeah but its orthodox joos who are having all the babies. the educated professional ashkenazim are practically swpls in their antinatalism.

soooo…..what if i get offered this 10 dollar an hour part time job? i am thinking I should just take it hahaha.  but why do i think i even have a chance? because this is the SECOND time i am interviewing with this group. i mean for a second job. the first time i interviewed i said yeah you’ll see my name again for this other job. and they rejected me for the first job, and are now bringing me in for the second job.

well shit it would be AWKWARD to be rejected for TWO jobs at the SAME place, after interviewing with the SAME people, probably the same questions.

well, at this point, NOTHING would surprise me. the master of rejection here. I’ve been rejected every way you can THINK of, and I’m sure I’ll be rejected plenty more in ways I haven’t even thought of yet.

but yeah. plenty of people break up then “get back together”, they are still regularly hanging out, but “they aren’t back together, they arent dating.” well what ARE they doing? are they FOOKING? probably. are they FOOKING while the guy wishes he had the gurl BACK and the gurl is one foot out the door dating and fooking OTHER guys at the same time? just waiting for the guy to get jealous so she has an excuse to dump him again? probably.

and i thought i was bad at relationships! at least I dont go around Actively Jooing people like WOMEN do! they DO tons of stuff that is shady and jooish af! i would rather be honest and say baby this isnt working out, lets not kid ourselves, lets not joo each other. we’re done and there should be NO CONTACT. go fook your ingras and your social justice lawyers and your business school articles and your Management Career. they can fook you better than i can apparently.

dont put EARRINGS on BABIES. jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezum crow. this is SO trashy. it just seems SO unnatural and its pretty frustrating how normie idiots can’t see that its so unnatural.

not even getting interviewed for jobs that pay 15k a year. or getting interviewed and NOT getting the job. that pays 15k a year. experience the shame of THAT failure hahahaha.

that woman was always rather anti-police, but would she have gone ALL IN with that as so many people have recently? obviously its turned into a BIG political issue. might she have said, this is too much, i dont want to be lumped in with these black lives matters fanatics, and these black THUGS, i am gonna take my own side here, and if i’m gonna be pro-white, I pretty much should be pro-police too?

or will she take the side of the black thugs?

i’ll never know, hahahahahaha.

this COULD have been a point of disagreement between us….but i also dont think it would have been a big deal, because a Good Man can Guide and Mold and Direct his woman, and I could have made her understand that supporting black thugs was a bad idea.

she is anti-police for completely different reasons than loving black thugs anyway.

so yeah im not worried about differences in political opinions, because those can be CHANGED.

YOU KNOW WHAT CANT BE CHANGED?

Actions you did in the past: cheating, lying, cox you fooked and sucked, abortions, babies you murdered, degenerate, disgusting, evil shit you DID.

i dont give a SHIT about Media Constructions of Female Beauty, or airbrushed models or shit. you know what I DO give a shit about?

Average Normie QT 20 year old gurls in BATHING SUITS at the beach or pool or whatever. that you can find in bumfook kansas. these gurls are not EXTRAORDINARY. they are just not OLD or FAT. they are Normal, Young, QT girls, and when you put them in bathing suits and you see their bodies, you are about to explode in your pants. nothing fake or airbrushed or constructed about it WHATSOEVER.

i dont want anorexic models or movie stars! i wanted HER in all her 7/10 glory in a bathing suit with her pasty white skin and wide hips and fat thighs and fat cottage cheese ass and weak chin and zits and big nose! but at 24/25, she was SO YOUNG! and she had NO KIDS! and she was WHITE! and a 7! and had been with less than 5 guys! and was NICE to me for 2 years!

so yeah i hate that particular media lie that men have unrealistic expectations of female beauty because of patriarchy. No, we have PERFECTLY reasonable expectations of female beauty. just give us a 7/10 who isnt fat or old. PERIOD.

but i concluded recently that 7/10 WAS NOT reasonable for a guy with my low value, i should be expecting 6s or 5s.

hmmm.

but 50% of marriages end in divorce and WOMEN initiate 66% of all endings of relationships. sure maybe sometimes they dump the man for good reason. but I’d argue that 50% of the time, they dump him for a stupid reason.

just as women are the CHOOSERS, they are also the REJECTORS, and they are TERRIBLE at both choosing AND rejecting!

oh so youre a single mom? didn’t pick the greatest guy to make a new human life with eh? and now your baby’s life is an eternal reminder that you dont know how to pick a man.

well thats what SHE was though. so maybe it makes sense that SHE doesnt know how to pick a man either. but she picked a man she was with for 4 years!!!!! but thats all over. but what if she gets back together with him? would that make me happy? well, better than her being a slut and or getting with black guys.

why didnt the old bf just marry her? he was a little weird, but he was with her for 4 years. maybe he cheated on her. i dont think he did tho. he was just stubborn and grumpy and autistic and very much in a rut. and she STILL didnt leave him! HE left HER!!!!! how i wuold have liked to have that level of dedication and faithfulness and loyalty and willingness and effort from her!!!!!

so he left her and moved forward with his life. kinda like she left ME and moved way forward with HER life. and I moved BACKWARD. i didnt even stay at the same spot, i moved BACKWARDS!!!!!!!!

somebody holding you back….vs not having someone is whats holding you back, but you gotta learn how to move forward without them. so you plow forward without enthusiasm, without passion, and then learn thats just not good enough, employers want you to have passion or at least fake passion convincingly, and its very hard for me to fake that convincingly, but i try. but my trying isnt good enough.

anyway i will bang other sluts but i will still want her. i wont commit to them and luv them the way i would commit to her and luv her.

it feels like i will NEVER get over her. maybe its time to start seeing a shrink and taking meds hahahaha. OH WAIT.

i dunno. i guess i stopped working hard cuz i was TIRED of the hard work never paying off. might as well give up and not work if youre gonna get the same result anyway.

these women. its all about secs and fooking with these women. they have no idea what hearts or feelings or luv or romance or intimacy or connection is. the only that matters to them is a coq pounding a cvnt and then exploding all over their face for the camera omg lol. men are such sensitive romantics and women are such pornographic, jooish degenerates. how is it that men and women were designed to be together? homosexuality makes more sense!

shit i can see why people cast these voodoo spells and shit. and BEG For GOD to MAKE this person COME BACK. dear GOD change this persons mind and MAKE THEM luv me, because i dont want anybody but them.

how do you know when youre ready to meet new people? for example, right NOW i probably SHOULD meet new people, but I dont WANT to , i dont FEEL im over her, I still WANT her. but its POSSIBLE meeting new people would make me FORGET about her and ACTUALLY move on. becuase its been TOO DAMN LONG and I am CLEARLY HUNG UP on her.

so how about i just TRY banging other women and if i dont like em as much as i liked her, then i dont have to commit to them, and can make them get abortionz hahahahaha. like you care about human life anyway. just get another damn abortion.

i wonder how many abortionz she got in the past year. i wonder how many guys she fooked in the past year. 1? 2? 3? 4? 5? 6? 7?

i shouldnt even care but i do.

half of it is the job/career situation, ie, her moving UP, and me moving DOWN. that rustles me to NO end.

and That IS all my fault. for being too weak to handle the tough situation. the heat got too high, and i had to get out of the kitchen hehehe. she survived and became stronger for it.

but she wasnt facing nearly the same “heat” I was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how do you TRAIN on internal company things where you cant just google it?

well, just take your best guess and then ask the manager the right way to do it when they write you up for it, and hope you dont get fired for it.

11th interview on tues, 12th interview on thurs. nice. i am sure i will be nervous and rambling and not get the jobs hahaha but at least i will look good.

but yeah its stupid that you can never know or trust or be close to a woman, even if you are fooking them, even if you have known them for years. they are always god damn STRANGERS. no matter how well you think you know them.

how well did i really know her? how close of friends were we REALLY? i just dont know any more. so even the good parts seem fake. even if they werent.

i mean i WANT To be over her. aaaaannnnndddd its been a YEAR of no contact. im not over her but i really WISH i was over her. therefore, time to start hanging out wiht other sluts from okcupid hahahaha. and bang them. just go to the lake on summer day, look at them in a bathing suit, smoke MJ, well, have them smoke MJ and you can pop valiums, contemplate whtether their body is bangable, and then bang them when you leave, and then if you never want to see them again, you dont have to. besides do you want a woman who gives it up on the first date to be the mother of your children? do you want to show them to your family and say this SLUT is my WIFE?

my WIFE is a SLUT but this is the BEST i could get who didn’t leave me right away?

i want a nonslut but I dont DESERVE that! I’m not good enough to get what I want!

also when i do these interviews, its not like i freeze up. i start rambling and muh voice gets shaky and i am clearly nervous, but i survive them, i get through them, i dont run out the room screaming or anything.

if i had a gf who was pressuring me to go back to skool or she’d leave me, i would be thankful that she would be willing to let me do something to prevent her from leaving hahahahahahaha rather than jsut walk out and say THATS IT, IM DONE. then i would take 1 class at a time in fooking CNC machining or mechatronic or something and be like ya happy now baby? im ambitiously working on my career. i have career goals nao.  now how about your suk muh dik every time i do 20 minutes of skoolwork. and swear on your father that you will never leave me hahahahahaha. ok if you want to leave me, then hire a SHRINK to do it NICELY. and pay me 10k and give me a pound of indica MJ. and give me 100 more tapering off bangs, and send your slutty friends over to bangme. let me bang your mom and sisters too. THEN you can leave me hahahahaha.

hey it SUCKS to be LEFT. bitches act like they never been LEFT before. if they had, they would KNOW it sucks.

go back to skool or i will LEAVE you.

i will go back to skool if you promise to NOT LEAVE me

hahahahahaha

two sides of the same coin hahaha.

like i say, its better than just waking up one day and BOOM theyre ALREADY GONE, and THATS IT.

well, they’re not leaving you because they were NEVER WITH YOU.

just set a meeting with a shrink and have the shrink dump me. or hire a Process Server to Serve me with Papers. just make sure to take a FEW MINUTES to write down exactly everything you’re trying to communicate. say you want out, its over, and nothing will make you change your mind.

fine, im not gonna MAKE YOU STAY, im not an ABUSER. just say SORRY for breaking my HEART. you didnt like it when YOUR heart was broken. neither does anyone else, STUPID. hahahahaha.

if you have a picture of you with bill gates, then that will PROVE to people that you are SMART. you might not seem smart right now, but here’s me with bill gates.

doesn’t have to be bill gates. it can be anyone rich and famous who is generally accepted as smart. a supreme court justice.  magic black science man neil degrass tyson. magic asian science man michio kaku. steve jobs. mark jooerberg. the winkelvoss twins. anybody like that. then have that picture handy whenever anyone doubts your smarts. which they will do every day of your life when you are a gainfully employed bigboy.

maybe i SHOULD at least APPLY for Disability (SSI) because it would be SOME income in between jobs hahahaha.  i mean you usually get rejected the first time anyway, then i would have to pay for a LAWYER, etc.

woudl THAT come up in a background check?

MAYBE. probably.

why CANT a single mother teach their daughters how to pick good men? cant the single mother learn from their mistakes, and make sure their children learn from their mistakes?

because its all genetic. 100% nature hahaha. the apple does not fall far from the tree. if your mother picks bad men, you will probably pick bad men too. period. the end.

did nice 5 mile powerwalk

only burns 370 calkories

oh well.

i thought, its annoying when women tell men, you need some time by yourself, alone, to work on yourself, no one else will love you until you learn to love yourself and be comfortable by yourself.

i say thats total bullshit because when have THEY ever been without a rel for TEN YEARS or more. once you have been alone for TEN YEARS, or even “just” FIVE years, I say, you’ve been alone LONG ENOUGH, at this point, being single for so long is gonna hurt you more than its gonna help you “love yourself.” now youre gonna feel bad about being alone for so long! these women and people saying “you gotta love yourself first” have not been without a rel, without a gf or bf or whatever, for TEN FOOKIN YEARS, during the majority of their 20s.

THEY DONT KNOW WHAT THEYRE TALKING ABOUT.

NEVER LISTEN TO RELSHIP ADVICE FROM WOMEN. THEY DONT KNOW ANYTHIGN ABOUT RELSHIPS.

isn’t that funny? aren’t women supposed to be relationship oriented? all about rapport and getting along and all that? chit chat?

then why is it always DRAMA with them?

because they dont know SHIT about relationships!

but they are always IN relationships because…..

cmon you know it……..

WOMEN ARE THE SUPPLY, MEN ARE THE DEMAND.

so yeah i have been not even close to dating a woman for over 10 years. and i feel it has TWISTED me into a rusty twisted weird old man who just doesnt know HOW to have a real rel with a person.  well, with a woman at least.

shit ***I**** Know more about how relationships work than most women do, and Ive never been in one!!!!!!

i think when i was happiest…..and it was when i was just hanigng out with HER.

but i’m not ALLOWED to think of those happy times any more. well, i’m ALLOWED, but i know i SHOULDNT.

and technically that was the closest i ever had to a relship with a woman before. i’ve been friends with women before, but those gradually faded out after a couple years, esp after they moved far away. this one didnt fade out. i just kept getting deeper and deeper feelings until shit EXPLODED like a god damn nucular bomb hahahaha.

i dont even want to tell george feels that his interest in programming and coding is a fools errand. i was in his same position. i took a bunch of classes, including some in depth c++ coding. the main thing it taught me was that I could NEVER get a job in this. you have to know SO much just to get an entry level job. which are all being sold out to indians.  but you better either have a BS of CS, or you better be damn OBSESSED with coding, so that you lock yourself in your room, dont shower, and do nothing but CODE all day, making insane apps and programs. I could never do that. I got A’s in my coding  and felt some pride and sense of accomplishment….until I realized that the HARDEST program in c++ course 2, which was fairly hard, is not even the tip of the iceberg of what an entry-level, right out of college, 21 year old Entry Level Programmer would be doing. this is why you take literally 30 coding courses. get back to me when youve finished c++ course 30 and maybe then we’ll talk abuot getting you a 28k job. tons of overtime. FLSA exempt hahahahaha.

but they push coding camps and coding for kids and everybody should learn how to CODE! its the ticket to a good career for everybody!

NO, IT ISN’T, because then you’ll just have more people like me who can write kiddie hello world programs and do some basic functions, classes etc……..but NEVER DO ANYTHING WORTH ANYTHING OF REAL VALUE IN THE REAL WORLD. NOTHING THAT YOU COULD GET PAID FOR, LET ALONE AN AVERAGE INCOME.

you can LITERALLY make better money with your “skills” in a tech support help desk call center than with CODING.

and george would be MUCH better off staying at his boring library job than going to a help desk call center, or thinking hes gonna find a coding job. I have been TRYING to find a boring library job like his, but libraries dont hire FT people, and if they did, and I got an interview, I would probably lose out to a person with a masters of library degree, for a job that doesnt require one, because theres too many of THOSE.

but i dont even want to tell george it’s hopeless. take away the one shred of hope he has. it will be bad enough when he finds out eventually.

or maybe he will make it work, and he will show me how to make it work. obviously going to skool for it was not my idea of a good time hahaha.

and when you talk to actual working programmers, you see that their shit is ON POINT, and they are damn near AUTISTIC with their shit. staying up all night coding. they dont care they are 40 year old virgins because they LOVE coding so much, they literally eat sleep and dream coding, and I just never had it in my MARROW like they do. I had a slight interest in what I saw as a good skill. it is a good skill, but you have to be REALLY good to make ANY money.

I mean if I could find a $12 DAH job writing 12 DAH code and then gradually work up, I would. but i dont think those jobs exist, for newbs like me to write hello world 10 line programs. yeah im really shaky on pointers but just hire me for 12 DAH.

you can’t make 12 DAH being shaky on pointers!!!!!!

but its hard to find a good instructor who can really explain pointers! you either sit their and bash yourself in the head with pointers for 1488 hours until it sinks in, or you ragequit and find better uses of your time, like LIFTING or at least powerwalking. or taking nyquil and sleeping. or blogging.

so i am kinda schadenfreuding that moment when george loses his optimism in CODING.

FOOK CODING. Its a stupid golden calf hahaha. idolatry from idiots who have NO IDEA about how to get a JOB in coding.

but i dont want to say i told you so. this is all he has hahaha. let him have it for a while hahaha.

but why isnt he just smoking weed? hes not straight edge! he drinks a little! and he lives in COLORADO and has not made ONE vidya on MJ??!?!?!?!?!!

and here i am daydreaming about flying out to colorado and staying in a cheap hotel for a week just so I can sm0ke a pound of MJ in a week!! and of course enjoy the nice mountains and nature of colorado. while sm0king MJ in the forests and on the mountains.  and banging some white 25 year old hippie weed sluts.

stupid xkcd friends comic. this guy has some good comics but this is the WORST SHIT EVER and rsutling and triggering in SO MANY WAYS.  WHATS WRONG WITH RELATIONSHIPS GROWING NATURALLY OUT OF FRIENDSHIPS?????? this shit is patronizing to WOMEN for ASSUMING they can be fooled so easily. but they CAN be fooled so easily. come on. have some agency. you dont have to settle for this guy. why dont you call him out on his shit?

also why cant the woman tell that the guy has feelings for her? like me i was giving signals like crazy and i think she was picking up the signals. i should have told her point blank but uhhh i didnt want to tell her over text. i just wanted to hang out with her in a low-stress place like the people in the gay comic hahahaha.

also why is she always dating nothing but jerks? methinks this randall munro is a total niceguy womanhater. repent repent and you can become a ballless phaggot cuck like arthur chu. chen. whatever. that fat feminist male asian who was on jeopardy.

ill make you depend on me? i never did that shit! you cant MAKE someone DEPEND on you! they CHOOSE to enter in a friendship with you!

and you CAN legit “VALUE THE FRIENDSHIP”, while knowing that your feels are causing conflict, so then over time, you decide you want to talk about it. she knows what you want to talk about but she avoids it.

not seeing that angle in your phaggy comic. god damn this comic is so stupid. what if you were just friends at the beginning? and why cant this woman make decisions on her own? and why is the man such a conniving manipulator who has this grand scheme from day 1? I WASNT LIKE THIS AT ALL! WHAT KIND OF MAN WRITES SOMETHING LIKE THIS????

I hate these niceguys that are so anti-niceguy in order to signal to feminist cvnts. i hope this guy is alone and lonely for the rest of his pathetic niceguy woman-respecting life hahahaha. what a thoroughly unmasculine man. YOU FOOKING CHILD.

I just thank GOD I am not like this guy or this comic. although I HATE to think that SHE might think (or anyone else) that I WAS like the phaggot in this comic. there were some surface similarites, like a guy who has feelings for his female friend, but GOD DAMN. LET ME MANSPLAIN.

i wasnt a manipulating liar like he is. i wasnt orchestrating some damn huge production. I was TRYING to tell her. of course my actions were already telling her.

well, didnt the comic guy EVENTUALLY tell the woman ANYWAY, by dating her? then its all out there. so WHATS THE DAMN PROBLEM? that she’s so EMOTIONALLY RETARDED that she can’t figure out why she’s vaguely UNHAAAAAAAPPY? WELL THATS ON HER!! AND SHAME ON the author for setting the bar so LOW for women! although sadly, that really is a realistic bar for women.

i mean at that point, SHE’s living a lie. saying i luv u and being in a relship with a man she doesnt luv. and then the author blames it all on the fookin man. sheeeeit.

show this comic to your friends and lovers and if they LIKE it and says it makes an important point about men and niceguy cowards, punch them in the fooking face, cuz this is the most insulting dishonest JOOISH shit ever.

it treats women as CHILDREN. I know they ARE children, but I wish they werent!

http://xkcdsucks.blogspot.com/2008/12/comic-513-youre-breaking-up.html

hey i didnt want to “ask her out” at first! i didnt feel that way at first! then we just naturally became friends!

and when i wanted to “ask her out” she just kept avoiding me and avoidng me and avoiding me.

so i guess i was stupid for not recognizing that as the answer, that i still WANTED TO TALK ABOUT IT.

i dunno, ive been aware of niceguys for a long time, and i never want to be like that, but i share SOME aspects of that, but also NOT, because i am much more honest about my woman hate hahahaha. i even told her multiple times, im not a nice guy, i can be a total asshole. now let me buy you dinner hahahaha.

NO I wouldnt want to MAKE her be with me if she wasnt happy.

also its unclear if he was just fantasizing dating her, or if he actually dated her. yeah he sounds annoying and dishonest, but she didnt HAVE To date him or even be friends with him.

isnt it WEIRD being friends with somebody who obviously is in love with you?

how can you HIDE that?

I dont think even the WORST NICE GUY CAN HIDE THAT.

So really the woman just ignores it willfully.

so i dont think the niceguys are manipulative or jooish or evil or “expecting sex in return for friendship.”

i think they really ARE wantinga Luv Relship to grow out of a friendship.

but yeah obviously they should talk about it, esp if the woman is still willing to hang out with them.

That WOman knew i liked her, so she was not willing to hang out with me any more.

yeah i was stupid and cowardly but i wasnt like this, and also she should have been a little nicer.

i just hate thinking she viewed ME like the Niceguy Cueball. because i really wasnt.

 

NOBODY WANTS TO HIRE A WEIRDO

july 29

yeah its just incredibly frustrating when somebody is on their phone, talking and texting ALL THE TIME, they respond to EVERYBODY ELSE, but they wont respond to YOU. it is insulting and disrespectful as fook. Ya Spend All Day On The Phone Anyhow! to paraphrase the awful everest commercial. and you cant even send a text to End A Relationship hahahaha.

got call yesterday from health system i have sent 40 apps to (literally) and always get rejections from, first callback ever. called them back this morning and gave them email address to try to minimize Phone Tag. this is for a laboratory assistant in a hospital lab. purrfect. fulltime days no weekends, even better. sign me up for 13 dollars an hour. i will pass your nicotene test all day hahahahaha.  well…..maybe not hahahahahahaha.

that would be funny, to get a job offer but lose it because i failed a NICOTENE test because I smoke a COUPLE of Social Cigs per week. of course a lot more when i am working hahahaha. but you are not allowed to do that at this workplace. hospital. well i am sure there are people who hide out and chainsmoke on lunch, then spray down with febreze hahahaha.

sheeeit got interview for 10 dah part time temporary job, next thurs, the one i wanted to get resched, and they agreed to resched rather than saying get fooked…..but at a nice place. i like the place, they do job related training, REALLY i SHOULD do their job related training courses and then use that to get a 15 DAH Full Time Days Job hahahaha. working with Robots and 6000000 dollar machines. CNCs and CADs and FANUCs and lasers and injection molds and grinders and borers and dorners and whatever tf.

again that is probably soem sort of sign from GOD, answering my prayers. so maybe is “hospital lab.” working in a LAB with specimens.

“Protein Shake” with .75 scoop of Whey Protein, .5 cup of Whole Milk, and about 10 grams of Caramel Ice Cream hahahahaha

basically, if george feels can get a full time job, SO CAN I.

basically, if fatherland jim can get a FT job, and a basedwife, and a child, and own his home, SO CAN I.  I mean the guy is not only super autistic, but very neurotic and self-deprecating, by his own admission! women HATE self deprecating, neurotic men! I should know, I am one!

i like and respect both these guys of course. especially jim hahaha. but the more i “get to know” him, the more I am like WOW I cant believe he’s admitting this, and I can’t believe he wasn’t dumped by his wife after the first date hahahaha. this is the kind of guy women RUN AWAY SCREAMING from. I say that as a fellow member of that club.

so in fatherland 39 jim says, IF I CAN DO IT, ANYBODY CAN. and I could not agree more hahahaha.

the guy who bitched for like 4 straight weeks about my “trollnation” to the show. I didn’t mean the donation as a troll, but its just funny that he got SO rustled by it. yeah i can see how somebody might misinterpret it….and boy did he EVER.

COME ON. so the lady calls me back about the blood lab job and i can only interview TODAY because they have a deadline at the end of the day today. I said Monday or sometime next week would be fine. I was a little thrown off guard. I guess I should have just said yes, and then immediately took a shower, shave, get the suit on, get out there, sheeeeeeeeeit.  im wondering why she even called me. on the last day of interviews. wtf. well she said she had a death in the fam so i gave muh sympathies, but then i choked and said yeah no, i just can’t do it today, but if you would keep me in mind for other positions that would be great. the 40 other positions i had applied to hahaha.

lesson learned from being caught off guard: if they ask you for an interview TODAY, just DO IT.

it just seems so weird and unprofessional though.

i mean i wont regret this TOO much, in fact i could probably call her back right now….but sheeeeit.

women just dont understand how anxiety, shyness, despair, low confidence can keep a MAN from EVER having a GF or secs, because it doesn’t work the same way for WOMEN. WOMEN can TOTALLY have anxiety, shyness, despair, low cofidence, and it doesnt prevent them from having secs or rels AT ALL. That’s why they think its so weird when a man has never had a secs and rels. because its DAMN NEAR IMPOSSIBLE for a woman to never have secs or rels, and they are so damn narcissistic they think everybody is like them, and that men and women are the exact same, when in fact they are VERY different.

or they dont “buy the excuse” because “well I have despair and anxiety and I can still have secs and rels!” not understanding how anxiety and low cofidence DIRECTLY WEAKEN EVERYTHING which women find attractive about men. they do not directly weaken what men find attractive about women.

its much easier to not be bitchy, not be a slut, not be fat, than it is to Be Confident, Be Charming, Be a Leader.

Again I dont begrudge this ease, of women being the supply and men being the demand, i guess I just get rustled when women dont UNDERSTAND or APPRECIATE that fact of nature.

but, you could argue, they’re not supposed to. so again my expectations are too high. they’re not SUPPOSED to understand it.

The most effective Life Creator is one who does not know they are a life creator??!!?!?!?!

well yes kind of. cuz they will keep getting pregnant, exactly because they forget they can get pregnant?

interview SAME DAY. really. it sounded like they did most of the interviews yesterday. probably just whirlwind of 8 or so candidates in one day.

and what if someone just couldn’t make it that day? then into the trash they go.

BUT WHAT IF THEY WERE THE BEST CANDIDATE?

oh well then the company doesnt get the best candidate then. life goes on.

so yeah timing matters.

but youd think if they were SERIOUS about finding the best candidate, they would allow more than ONE DAY to interview all the candidates for this job. give them a span of like a week.

NOT come in on this day and time for an interview, and if you can’t, fook you, we can’t reschedule. we are interviewing for this job on one day only, in this 4 hour window.

so yeah, i can’t tell wimmin i have neversecs neverel because i have anxiety, despair, neurotic, and low confidence, they’ll say I DONT BELIEVE IT, I HAVE THOSE SAME THINGS AND I CAN GET SECS AND REL, THERE MUST BE SOMETHING REALLY WRONG WITH YOU, not realizing that these things have VERY different outcomes for men vs women.

solution: just don’t talk about it , or Bullshit/Lie/Deflect until you have banged the gurl, it’s not like it would take more than 3 dates anyway.  and if she complains about you being awkward, then say you’re under a lot of stress from your job and family. and next time take some benzos and hope you perform better, cuz if you don’t, YOUR FIRED. (dumped.) dumped for being awkward at secs. i could see it happening to me! and im sure its happened to other men!

like uhhhh i can just tell by the awkward way this guy FOOKS that hes only ever fooked 1 gurl about 15 years ago, or he’s a VIRGIN, and he’s DEFINITELY not ever had a GF, or Regular Secs. EW. WEIRD. CREEPER.

well what if you had had a longterm gf where you had secs 2 times a week for 2 years hahahahahaha then she dumped you, and you were heartbroken for 2 years, and then the next time you had secs, it was awkward and weird and the bitch thought THAT, that you had never had a GF or secs on the reg? well they would be WRONG.

but not about me hahahahahaha.  bitches and whores.

that feel when you think, hmm if all else fails, i will get a part time job at mathnasium, math tutor, that would be bretty kewl, then you look up the local mathnasium and see that all their employees are young college students at good colleges, majoring in math or engin, or they went to the local STEM high school that you didnt even know about until last year hahahahaha. so they are both 12 years YOUNGER than you, and have had way more MATH than you, you who is so proud of your A in Calculus 2, and that’s as far as you went in math. well good luck making 10 DAH as a part time math tutor because you don’t have the right stuff!

i will soon be the proud owner of a The Right Stuff tshirt however hahahahahahahaha. and that does count for something hahahaha. well unless the shirt sale gets SHUT DOWN before the shirts get mailed, which there is a 50% chance.

if i ever have to dump a person, i am gonna be the best dumper on the face of the earth.

is it JUST ME who doesnt know how to DEAL with conflict in relationships? well its safe to say SHE couldnt deal wiht it EITHER.

maybe most people can’t, so most Breakups are Bad, and we should all use SHRINKS when we want breakups to be Good.

I would be more than happy to do that. I will involve a shrink EVERY TIME if thats what it takes.

id be like hay, you arent dumping me so well, and i dont know what to tell you, lets go to the shrink and they can help you dump me better.

i mean its really not brain surgery, BUT also when you are THAT Flustered, your brain just doesnt work. you can barely do basic things, remember your name, do your job.

shit and when your job is DEMANDING as FOOK, like taking a TEST EVERY DAY, obviously youre going to be FAILING that test every day!

thats what it was like hahaha. you know how you would go out with friends and stay up late if you “ONLY” had to go to skool or go to work tomorrow, but if you had a BIG TEST tomorrow, you would get nervous, and make sure to go to bed early, etc? thats what it was like EVERY DAY of work. the WHOLE JOB was like one big EXAM that you were NEVER fully prepared for. the only time you had to STUDY was when you were at home, free time.

basically all of your schooling should be taking calls in a call center for 12 years hahahahaha. that should be all of school. K-12.  then you will be ready for anything.

or why not just MAKE everybody join the military to toughen them up.

because MOST people RECOGNIZE that everybody is NOT CUT OUT FOR the military. like private pyle. like me and prob you.

bbbbbut in SOME countries they make you! the phaggot sissies in SWEDEN need to do a year of service, don’t they? if sissy SWEDISH men can do military, so can the neetest american omega!!!!!!!

or those slimy sleazy schlomos in ISRAHELL also have mandatory military service. if those shady k1k3s can do military service, so can the sissiest, phaggiest NEET!

or maybe its really easy to get out of service. like just get a doctors note saying you have bad eyesight or are too short hahahahaha.

2 more rejection letters from the health system i have applied to 40 times hahahaha. and they want me to do a DAY OF interview or NOT AT ALL. come on. and they also test for cigarettes smoking. WHY am I trying to get in here again? because they have a good number of FT jobs with low qualifications. that dont involve a call center or sales. that I still get rejected for.

you can get through school being a total awkward autist. but this does not work at ALL in the world of work and wimminz. NOBODY TOLD ME hahahahaha.

managers, like women, will reject you unless you are a total confident, charismatic chad. slip up once and youre DONE.

also school should prepare you for the level of REJECTION you get in the real world. you will be rejected 99 times out of a 100. better get used to it.

but other special snowflakes who went to the same schools as i did, did VERY VERY well for themselves! so it must be ME, not the SCHOOLS! well yeah it IS me to some extent.

so if the economy doesnt grow 4% every year, that’s a bad thing?

if it only grows 1%, thats BAD?

well yes. because……the population grows? so we should be edgy antinatalist zero population growth fooktards?

i only listen to vinyl ripz hahahaha

i remember i got this album in like 1998 and i was a little disappointed. cuz back then i just wanted chugga chugga chugga heavy heavy heavy. i thought the guitars werent HEAVY enough. the vocals werent HEAVY enough. I thought morbid angel was supposed to be the HEAVIEST death metal band ever.  (there was plenty of “brutal death metal” if thats what I was looking for. well, every album was a big investment in 1998 hahaha. so deicide “once upon the cross” was more what I was looking for.)

but nowadays i can totally appreciate the very “organic”, human, natural production on this album. and noting it was produced by the same guy that did metallica “ride the lightning” and “master of puppets.”

in 1999 I heard their next album “domination” and liked that more. i guess youre supposed to hate that album becuase thats when they sold out. but I liked the guitars and vocals better. and thought the songs were catchier.

so i can never crap on “domination”, but I am glad “covenant” has great growing and staying power.

yep going on 3 days with no shower and this is when you def start to smell hahahahahaha. sweaty crotch and pits BO hahahahahahahaha. if you get near a wimmin at this point, she WILL dump you hahahaha.

so why do we NEED 4% growth a year? why not 1%? why not .5%? why not .1%? why cant things just stay the same? they cant GROW forever! I just dont beleive that GROWTH is always GOOD.

i mean im not too worried about a woman interrogating me about muh rel history. i mean, That Woman and I became very close friends, and she had NO IDEA of my rels or lack of them. NO IDEA. I was ready to tell her the full story, but she was ultimately not interested in hearing it hahahaha.

so basically just lie, because they literally CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH.

yeah it IS hard to LIE, because your white moral fibers tell you that lying is wrong, youre not a liar. that is very well and good. but the truth is, sometimes its ok for whites to lie, such as when they are “faking it to make it” with white women. anything in service of the 14 words, its ok for whites to lie. or if it doesnt HURT anybody.

but yeah i understand how it FEELS a little jooey or ingrish. thats FINE. it SHOULD.

also its ok to LIE to get yourself a JOB.

they dont have TIME to do MORE background checking on you AFTER you GET the job. they will either do it BEFORE they offer your the job, or not at all. therefore…..lie to get a job, and if you get the job, you wont be found out later. unless it is a super powerful job or public election or something. NOT a damn entry level 28k job. the better thing to worry about is being fired for no reason, or at will, or “restructuring”, or “business needs”, or because your company is not having 4% growth every year. not because you lied about you supervising people, or you being a great negotiator, or you being good under pressure, or you being a nonweird nonvirgin nonnevergf normie.

so yeah i just want women to APPRECIATE secs and rels more. check their secs and rel PRIVILEGE. but I’m not saying that privilege shouldnt exist.

hey i dont even want them to UNDERSTAND it. I just want them to BE NICER. you know how you can luv and support someone even if you don’t UNDERSTAND them. just do that! give me your luv and support! Give me a CHANCE even though some things about me seem WEIRD at first! you have to give me a CHANCE! and not just BAIL at the first time things are a little different. im honestly not THAT weird! women have just never given me a CHANCE hahaha. men have given me a chance! and they were glad they did!

the employers who gave me a chance were pretty much glad they did hahaha.

but the wimmin never wanted to give me a chance hahaha.

well the female friends that gave me a chance found some value in me.

well thats not to say That Woman never found any Human Value in me.

She just ran away when things got complicated. thats ALL. stop reading all this malicious intent, or thinking she never cared about me. she probably DID! she just bailed when it got HARD. i have done the SAME THING in different situaitons. cant deal with hard shit. shit i cant deal with the struggles right now and avoid avoid avoid hahaha. like i never AVOIDED anything. everybody avoids sometimes.

that is the more rational, less emotional, more truthful way of looking at this. but shit its STILL hard to do that. a year later and its still hard to Correct the cognitive distortion.

so, muh sense of judgment is WRONG, my logic is WRONG. this is why I like MATH, because math FORCES you to use the RIGHT logic. if you’re not using logic, you’ll get it wrong, so if you get it right, you know your logic is right.

i guess your logic can be terribly wrong about some things, but still be right on other things (like hopefully, your job and job-related things.) so you can be a mess Emotionally and Personally, but still do a Good Job.  because the day you’re not able to do a good job…….YOURE FIRED.

did 5 mile pwalk

while doing it and listening to morbid angel hahaha i had a very illustrative thought, i thought, what if she contacts me like 2 or 3 years after it all went down and is like hey how are u lets get caught up again, you should come to this party im having, and then i go, and she is all super mature and cool and has all these new winner friends, and she looks a little older but still good, and she is now moved way up in her career, and is powerful and respected and makes good professional money, like 40k a year, and can afford a nice place in the hip winner neighborhood, and has all these friends that make 40k a year, and she doesn’t spend a lot of time with me, but just goes around mingling, and some of the guys she gets closer to than others, maybe shes fookin em, i tell her welp it was kinda a hard year, im still lookin for a jerb, its tough out there and i havent had much luck, and she said oh well good luck, maybe you can get a job starting out in call center, if you tough it out for a few years you can become a manager like i did….and then i get pissy and am like, im mad at how things ended, you were a big reason why i quit, and then she gets mad and is like oh no, dont blame ME for that, thats all on YOU and not being able to handle me not liking you, when it was clear i didnt, i mean what did you expect? dont blame ME for that! youre the one with problems, you cant handle life, thats why you quit, thats why youre still a failure 2 years later, you gotta get your stuff together man, stop living in the past, move on, get over it! and then she moves on to some other people to mingle with, and i drink my soda and get mad and sad, yeah shes right, i didnt HAVE to quit, its not HER fault, but damn shes WAY more successful than me, i can’t get over it, she makes way more money than i ever will, she’s still 8 years younger than me, and she doesnt CARE that i’m not doing well now, she doesn’t want to HELP me, other than tell me get a job in a call center and tough it out for a few years. well thats what i WAS doing until i snapped!!!! but thats my fault! but shit how can you just invite me to this party after 2 years like nothing ever happened, like we didnt end things in a terrible way?

and so that was this vivid and incredibly unproductive use of muh brain. like a series of congitive distortions turned into a ruminating STORY or daydream only designed to make me feeel bad in every way!

your brain simply SHOULDNT work like that!

so yeah this was a rumination i guess, and then it turned into a story. a ridiculous daydream. all while im trying to relax on my powerwalk!

so, dont do that. just turn off that stream of thoughts.

so yeah i would still want to be with her in that case.

shit. not with any other woman have i never wanted to meet them so much. with the other women i can be like, yeah that sucked, but i got over them, and i don’t really care about having met them or not. it was an interesting story. no need to have never met them.

but with HER, i wish i had really never met her. we had SOME really really good stuff…..but the pain and misery and suffering and failure vastly outweighs it! if i had never met her, I would have still been working at my old job, i never would have left for the new job (that WAS directly inspired by her, we could BOTH agree), and therefore i never would have LEFT that job and I wouldnt be in the pathetic, hopeless situation I am now. I would have not had a yearlong gap on muh res,  I would have had a much better shot at getting any of these jobs im interviewing for now because i would be currently employed. and then i could have gotten the job at the nursing home, or the university, or the city. no gap, no stupid call center job, no heartbreak, no thoughts of her. no thoughts of HER! do you know how MUCH I’ve THOUGHT of HER in the past 2 years? many minutes, every single day!!!!!!!!

they say to meet women, have a full life and do fun meetups for your hobbies. well what if your hobbies are all male, like 1488 huhwhyte nationalism?

plus it’s clear that women entering that would just cause drama.

and then I thought, well, wouldn’t women cause drama in ANY Social Group?

Let’s say your fookin i dunno anime group is 90 10 men women. you think all the THirsty Omegas are not gonna be in competition for those women?

and this certainly happens in nerdy groups like that! animes, comic cons, dr who, etc.

ok so lets say the group is 60 40 men women. there will still be some competition and conflict. men getting assmad when some slut dumps him to bang the more alpha men in the group.

well, not all the people in the group will be SINGLE!

i guess we need to put in the caveat that some social groups would be better than others. for example, NO anime, NO nerdy groups, NO racial groups.

cuz i was thinking, the only social group i’d like to join is a damn racial group. but we’ve already concluded that racial groups are NOT good places for women. women can support in the background and their monog husbands be in the group, but if there are Thirsty Beetas in the group desperate for waifus, then they will fight for the attention of any single woman in the group! who will then fawn over all the attention and play the men off of each other!

so you find a group where you’re the ONLY thirsty beeta? hahahahaha.

there’s thirsty beetas in EVERY/ANY group!

and them competing for the women is gonna cause tension in the group! there will be fighting, stalking, jealousy, and the loser will essentially have to leave the group. THEY CANT EVEN ENJOY THEIR DAMN GROUP ANY MORE cuz That Woman is in the group giving it up to the OTHER men.

so yeah I don’t buy this meeting women in social groups thing. its the same thing like meeting a woman at WORK or in your circle of friends. and then she turns out to be the Work Slut or the Circle of Friends Slut. She Fooks EVERYBODY and is kinda shady and sleazy. don’t get caught up in her drama.

so i wonder if women can handle being in groups at all.

leaning towards no. single women at least. married women could handle it. but their husband should be in the group with them.  and she should not leave him for other guys in the group.

im just learning NOW that WOMEN = DRAMA?

NO, I knew that 20 years ago. I guess I have just been wanting to get along with a woman without all that drama. and i DID. and then it became very, very, very dramatic.

and really I caused the drama here, not her. DAMN.

FOOOOOOOK.

SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIT.

yeah well she COULD have been nicer hahahaha. i could have been more Alpha, and she could have been a LOT nicer. other women have been nicer!

but yeah i hope she doesnt contact me unless she gives me a big apology and also says she wants to get together with me. even though she is very successful and i am a big failure. and she never NAGS me about my job when i finally get a job because it for damn sure wont be as much as SHES making.

sheeeeit. i CAN tell you that its not natural for men and women to compete like this in the Economic Marketplace. and its a REAL WEIRD dynamic when you get rejected by a woman, then you end up comparing yourself with her CAreer-wise and trying to Beat her in career, cuz she beat YOU in the game of Luv, so now you want to Beat hear in the game of career. but you DONT, she beats you even WORSE in the game of career and ends up becoming WAY more successful than you. she’s younger than you and she is a manager / leader / senior / director / supervisor / VP / level 3, and you are older and still a damn entry level level 1.

adds insult to injury and makes you feel like more of a loser.

of course, THEYRE not doing that, YOU’re doing that to yourself. you dont HAVE to compare yourself to their career at all.

i mean, if they ARE forcing it down your throat, thats a different story. but if you havent talked to them in 2 or 3 years, and you are just stalking them on linkedin and looking at their career from afar…..that sucks. DONT DO THAT!!!!!!!!

thats the type of stuff I do. Shit I dont even DO it any more. I don’t look at ANY of these women on linkedin or facebook. but I STILL think about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

like i imagine HER being a successful Manager!

even though i haven’t been on facebook in a year, and i haven’t looked at her on linkedin in like 8 months, and back then she didnt have any updates. now i know she got a new job, prob a tough job i couldnt handle, and i am making all these assumptions that she is a manager, she is moving UP.

i guess i am a masochistic glutton for self punishment. if it hurts, I DO it! thinking about her moving UP in career? getting jealous? yep! so just keep thinking about the painful shit! you are a master at adding your OWN insult to injury!!!!!!!! more cognitive distortions! or really, emotional piling on! you are serving up Self Serve Pain to your SELF!!!!! DONT DO THAT!!!!!!!!!

july 30

essentially Cutting Yourself mentally/emotionally. how gay is that. you dont want to be A Cutter!!!!

I was WILLLLING to handle the situation in a mature way! I just needed her cooperation! HER willingness! and thats ON HER!

so yeah i have my issues but its not truthful to say that my issues ruin every rel i ever have!

GIVE ME A CHANCE! be WILLING to communicate with me!

maybe i should go on okcupid and look for women who are looking for “just friends” hahahaha because i am certainly not Emotionally Available, and women that advertise they are looking for just casual secs, while I might want that, are not the type of women i want to meet, and generally good people to stay away from.

also as a general rule, when someones heart is breaking, dont blame them for getting feelings, just accept this is how hearts work, be appreciative that somebody opened their heart to you, and take pains to treat their heart gently….even if you didnt ask for this.

hey its not like i dont know how 2 relationship….ive just never been given the CHANCE! never given a FAIR SHAKE!

never had anyone who was WILLING!

yes this issue of WILLING is a big deal. you can lead the horse to water but you cant make them WILLING to drink.

the WILL comes from WITHIN.

heh applied for 2 jobs on a saturday.

tweaked cover letter a TINY bit to more effective Cup The Balls of the Company’s Mission Statement.

i guess basically go on okcupid and look for attractive women who seem CHILL and who seem liek they smoke MJ and are under 30. who cares if they have kids or tattoos, i am just using them for casual secs hahaha. and i will TELL them that. most women are ok with being used for casual secs, woman use MEN for casual secs just as much.

yes it is degenerate! but i cant get pregnant ever, and maybe banging some sluts will help me forget about HER, and it will also increase my confidence and experience with women, which will make me better at pulling QUALITY women that actually CAN replace her and make me forget about her!!!

jeez. can you IMAGINE how many HOURS and DAYS i WASTED THINKING about HER the past YEAR, even though she was OUT OF MY LIFE, she continue to take up SO much of my thoughts? still does! how can you THINK about someone so much when you havent seen or talked to them in a YEAR? its RIDICULOUS!

yet you THINK about them an HOUR a day at LEAST? 365 hours! thats like 9 full Work Weeks! that is THOUSANDS of dollars!

if you had to put a PRICE on the PAIN of a broken heart, it would DEFINITELY be in the TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS. 10 to 99 thousand dolars.

162 dollars for round trip flight to denver hahaha. can get motel for 70 dollars a night hahaha a little pricey. i ideally wanted a motel with a sauna so i could smoke tons of MJ, then sit in the sauna. well, actually i would probably walk around the forests and mountains. smoke MJ all day. then go to sauna at night. smoke tons of MJ every waking moment. probably take a few puffs in the middle of the night too. like when you wake up for a few minutes at 4:20 am, take a puff, go back to sleep hahahahahahahahahahaha.

that woman. i cant believe she has a medical MJ card and can buy MJ whenever she wants. she doesnt even have a qualifying condition and doesnt even CARE! MOST people get it for chronic pain, and jsut smoke MJ where they might have become pill poppers like white trash. but she doesnt have chronic pain!

maybe she does, she just never told me. hahaha.

SEE? a YEAR later, and still THINKING about her!!!DAMN!!!!!

also a year later, and still thinking about that JOB. HOW did I do that stuff? why didnt I snap earlier? I could never do that again!

when have I felt the most confident? When I accomplished or did well on something that MATTERED to me. like get a new job (although actually working the job would be very nerve wracking at the beginning, nullifying any gains in confidence) or especially when the things were going well with some woman. for like the 2 days in my life where things were going well with a woman hahahaha. no really its more like 14 days, thats not bad. 14 days of confidence in 30+ years hahahahahaha. no i bet i have had 30 days of confidence in 30 years, between the few women, and the few accomplishments!

but yeah making out with a gurl and shes not PUSHING you, that is a good confidence builder. when its a gurl you WANT to be making out with, instead of like, damn this gurl ugly but I am desperate, wow how shameful, imma get buttmad now. but rather WOW this gurl is awesome and THIS is awesome and I am awesome etc…… now that doesnt happen very often hahahahahahaha

you get neurotic and obsessive. you dont think about ANYTHING ELSE with the obsession and interest and tenacity you think about WOMEN with.

looked up data entry on ziprecruiter and found some jobs i have not seen on indeed. oh great. so i set up an email alert for data entry on ziprecruiter hehehe

why do women have such a disregard and disrespect for human life? you’d think they’d hae some kind of inherent bond, with babies and shit, because babies grow inside them. but no. they have NO problem killing their babies, less problem than MEN do as a matter of fact. they have LESS respect for life than MEN do. ABSOLUTELY REPREHENSIBLE.

such WEIRD feelings. what do you DO when you feel “incompetent.” thats a weird thing to feel, but I feel it.

so fix it by doing something competently!

no its not just that, it’s doing 51% or more of all things competently!

i dont WRITE very competently, this writing is a total mess. I dont job search or interview competently. i am not competent with wimmin. or employers. or personal hygiene. i AM competent with walking however. i am sort of competent with sticking to my calorie goal. i am competent with driving. thats a pretty big deal. i can drive places and not get in accidents ever. that should get me SOMETHING hahahaha.

i mean i wouldnt want to drive for a JOB. I would be totally incompetent driving a TRUCK.

NOBODY EVER TOLD ME that the majority of your working life would be spent feverishly trying to convince angry people that you weren’t an idiot, you weren’t incompetent. Well, you were KINDA incompetent, but you weren’t an IDIOT, you just weren’t QUICK witted. You aren’t QUICK WITTED, but you are smart, you swear! You got an A in Calculus 2 and got a 4.0 in high school and a 3.9 in Community College and a 3.7 in University! you were in the top 10% in high school! you peaked in high school! you should have seen me when I was 17! you wouldnt thought I was an idiot THEN! good thing that was literally half a lifetime ago.

 

THIS IS HOW BABIES GET MADE

july 5

found some Grade A job postings, which is kinda rare, most jobs are B- or B. Grade A you actually CARE about not making any mistakes. so should I do those super fast to try to keep my Average down?

well, don’t waste time but dont necess RUSH like a spazz either?

completed careerbuilder apply in 9 minutes. QUICK. why cant they all be like that?

just like a damn bag of meat. we are all bags of meat. like that damn tool video hahahaha. or nine inch nails. where they open up this pipe and there is this disgusting meat slowly pushing through it like shit through a colon haha.

women complain about men watching porn, well the things women DO are WAY MORE degenerate! whats worse, some pathetic neet whacking off to jooish filth (yeah that is pretty bad, but not in any way the women understand) or the women actually going out and being Living Pornography to some sleazebag?

well, in both cases you are making a mockery of something sacred. but its worse when women do it because they can get pregnant. also it actually involves two people. and not just one pathetic man whacking off to j00ish filth.

because youre involving MORE than one person and making an even WORSE mockery of the life creation process. arguably hahaha.

like a person who wahcks off to pron all the time can still grasp the importance of actual secs. i did! even though i watched WAY TOO MUCH pron, i still didnt view actual secs in that way. I was nervous because I was like holy shit, THIS IS HOW BABIES GET MADE, so i am nervous about that, and also im nervous because ive never done this before. and how soon is SHE gonna dump me. pretty damn soon as it turned out hahaha.

went to shrink. mainly talked about job search. also try to talk a little bit about THAT PERSON. I figure better to call her that PERSON instead of that WOMAN because NOT ALL WOMEN are like that hahahaha.

i said i hate thinking i was a bad influence on that person, while she was a good influence on me.

shrink responded that she prob didnt think i was a bad influence, like a druggie or a loser, like the people she cut out of her life for being druggies and drunks and losers. i hated thinking i was a loser like them. especially since i am prone to think of myself as a loser anyway.

shrink said if anything i was one of the better influences in her life! but she dumped me because SHE didnt know how to HANDLE the situation! NOT because I was a loser!

and also, she was positive to me, but she was ALSO VERY negative to me. there was SO MUCH NEGATIVE hehehe.

here is what muh new spreadsheet looks like, just for educational purposes. those top rows are frozen. i am adding new stuff to the top of the list and just adding more rows as needed. the link is to the google stopwatch. not really needed.

WEWLAD

ALSO try to look up jobs for companies on LINKEDIN. like this bigass robotics company i could not find at all on indeed. have many jobs listed on linkedin,where i can see that plenty of alums from my highly selective univ are currently employed. probably engineers making 90k a year, having grad from muh highly selective u’s engineering skool like I shold have done……

also found a treasure trove of hospital jobs that i wasnt getting because they were posted too long ago but they are still open. when i worked at my until 2013 easy fun job, i worked with a nice friendly man around my age and we got along well. he complained about his bitchy sister who ended up getting a “super easy job” at this hospital. i of course asked him, tell me about that job, i want one too. I could never get the exact title from him, dont think he knew. well i stalked the whole family on linkedin recently and found her job title there. and find that there are like 5 positions with that title. bla bla analyst. they IDEALLY want a CS bachelors (NO, not customer service ya moron!) but if his party gurl airhead sister can get this job, any ingra with a pulse can.

looks like his brother is doing a similar job.

i dont know about the guy himself. cant find him on linkedin. he had some health problems that impacted his working life and he could very well probably get SS disability. but he was a real nice guy and we got along real well and I sometimed wish I had become friends with him hahaha. I still sometimes think about what he is doing. cuz he is gonna have even harder time than me. but he had a similar work ethic as me: he didnt want to K himself being a bitch for Joos hahahaha and just wanted to do an honest job for honest pay, that wasnt all sales or ALL customer service. i know he would have not enjoyed the call center hehehehe. neither did i friendo.

but yeah of COURSHE bla bla robotics is not gonna post jobs on INDEED, they need to showcase their CAREERS on LINKEDIN. sheeeeit. might as well look for a facebook developer job on snagajob.com hahahaha.

and i am not talking about poo in loo indian contractors making 1 dah in bangalore to flag offensive content. i am talking about asian americans with top stem degrees, in san jose making 200k a year Managing Projects.

july 6

welp big interview tomorrow. compliance specialist! I dont even know what that IS! I applied for many other jobs at this large multidepartmented institution of higher education hehehe. why couldnt one of the OTHER jobs have called me for an interview?

i guess the good lord likes testing/torturing me with confusing shit hahaha.

unfort Seeming Confused is the worst way to get a job. you have to be confident and very competent, or at least SEEM that way, which is hard for me, who has been Unemployed for a Year and Hasnt Made Out with a Woman in 10 Years hahaha.

pay band STARTS at 49k? and this guys an ACCOUNTANT and he decided to call ME for an interview? are people really THAT bad at “Talent Acquisition?” apparently. the office is full of what sounds like black women hahahaha. i guess this place is HUGE on Diversity in the Workplace. probably a reason why a fooking white male cant get a job there unless they are AWESOME, which unfort i am not.

oh well. go to the damn interview and present a confident demeanor like trumpenfuhrer1433.

there is a FOOKLOAD of carbs and sugar in coca cola and other soda hehehehe. it might not have as many calories as you might think, but the carbs and sugar are ridiculous. absolutely off the charts. i say this because i was brought a soda at muh social event and since the new year i have essentially given up soda, just getting water, and always specify water unless they bring me a darn soda. i also went way over the top eating a damn huge burger. it was a good burger but it was so heavy and calorie laden hehehe totally rekt muh diet and also disturbed muh sleep at night. NEVER AGAIN!

daniel radcliffe is playing a skinhead neo nazi hollywood nazi 1433 crowd in “imperium” which normies will never recognize as the title of yockey’s seminal book hehehehe and which i doubt the j00vie goes into any detail about

heh updated spreadsheet to have a goal of 400 jobs. now i have a percentage meter that creeps up by 0.25% whenever I finish one job app hahaha.

well THANK GOD for this spreadsheet, and giving me the idea to use this spreadsheet, because its made the job search a teensy bit more bareable, which I kinda needed. to get to god damn 400 jobs. even doing 10 a day that’s still 40 days.

but really at 14 minutes an app, I should be doing at LEAST 20 a day. so now that’s 20 days. hmmm.

and i know all this because of the spreadsheet.

ridic interview tomorrow, I found out SOME info about their “ecommerce marketplace” system and their software bla bla so I will make it sound like i did some homework. Will state the basical account equation and shit abotu debits and credits.

heh this was just in muh youtube window.

this could be good. apparently it is “blasphemy worship” and this might be the band that led up to teitanblood. maybe. could be confusing another “P” band.

i dunno they did a split with teitanblood, who seems more grim and serious. they are both from madrid area.

anyway i guess i just like that aesthetic. that type of artwork with black and white skeletons and goats and red band logo. and this album cover always stuck with me (above.)

or i could have been thinking of THIS album cover hahahahahahahaha

I woke up in the middle of the night with muh tummy hurt from eating too many hamburgers hahahaha and thought wow, i have literally failed at everything every. i am the real master of failure. everything i tried i have failed. everything important to me i have failed at. all the important things of life: women, relationships, friends, jobs, career, education, i’ve more or less failed at. i drank some pepto bismol and thankfully was able to get back to sleep.

and do a paltry 5 applications today. down to a darn 13 minute average but i fully expect that to go as high as 17 haha. 21 jobs in the spreadsheet so far.

shaved scruffy beard in anticipation of interview tomorrow.  electric shaver always misses some hairs so you need to go back and do it twice hahaha.

want to go for powerwalk here.

ok, did that, listened to some blasphemy and ritual killer and then new fatherland.

the blasphemy album is good fun despite not being able to discern any riffs. great “atmosphere” of wild raucous drunken evil blasphemy hahaha. but you can only listen to about 14.33 minutes at a time tops haha. because they dont seem like real actual songs.

i will lie and tell them tomorrow that I have a 30% chance at getting the nursing home payroll job, and also a 30% chance of getting the education/training center job. hehehehe.

is it this hard for other people? do they too have such a HARD TIME adapting to their jobs, doing their jobs……and getting the jobs? do they have to also apply to 400 jobs? do they have just as good of a system as me? with alerts ad spreadsheets and shit? 10 page packets to every posting? maybe thats WHY I’m only getting a 5% interview rate. WELL, no packet seemed to be about the SAME. I figure the Packet gives them more information IF THEY WANT IT. (references, letters of recommendation, unofficial transcripts.) in addition to the standard cover letter. also have a long resume in there of coursh.

and that person just finds a new job in a month. probably just yes to one of the RECRUITERS calling her looking for a body to stick in a seat. and she probably just say ok its just a job, it doesnt have to be FUN, it’s just take it until i can find something better, not the end of the world LOL. at least I have muh weed and all these men to play with hahahahaa.

whereas i am intentionally trying to stay away from phone jobs because the very word still strikes extreme fear in my heart. and i would rather go from 15 DAH to 12 DAH to not have to experience that again.

i have very low confidence but i still think i am smarter than average people. like average people doing average jobs. my prev job was tough as hell and these people were smarter than you thought. and I was STILL smarter than them. also it doesnt make you SMART when information is hidden and you have the “SILO MENTALITY”. where there are secrets and shit. that doesnt make you DUMB when you arent privy to the SECRETS.

of course its easier to learn the secrets when you are a 25 year old woman and everyone wants to fook you or marry you hahahaha.

i might not be smart as some autistic engineer, but im no idiot, am i?!?!?!?!?! why cant I just get a damn 14 dollar an hour job? or 12 dollar an hour full time mon thru fri 9 to 5 job?  not some “casual” “rotating shift” “no guaranteed hours” “this position is not intended for someone who wants health care benefits” 9.50 an hour 30 hour a week job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what do the power lifting skinheads in blasphemy do to make their 14 dollars an hour?

they probably dont and are on canadian disability and welfarebux hahaha and then spend the money on booze and drugs and come out with one album of unintelligible “songs” every 15 years hahahaha.

kinda hard to believe that the orlando shooting has already gone out of the news cycle hehehe. like was the guy really a homo hehehe or was that all just speculation and rumors.

RELATIONSHIP BILL OF RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILTIES

feb 1

wow. i really gotta get out this rut. this is no way to live. this is not healthy! i would not recommend this. time to get a new shitty job, go crazy, and quit in a Huff, mving myself even further down the career ladder. i dont move up the ladder with time, i move down it hahahaha.

i grew up having a very negative opinion of women. in short, they were mostly bitchy, dumb, slutty, disgusting, stupid, mean, obnoxious, annoying, awful, scheming, hypocritical, immoral, sneaky, lying, cheating, evil. you couldnt possibly like or respect these pigs. they literally had no redeeming qualities except for the secs they sluttily gave away to every man except YOU hahaha.

probably because most of my friends had bad experiences with women and werent big fans of them either! and that rubbed off on me.

also women seemed intimidating because i didnt know how to talk to them, how to deal with them, and i didnt like how they all had secs with guys so QUICKLY. that seemed like a big deal to me, and i thought shit if youre the one who can get pregnant here, you prob wouldnt have a problem with waiting amirite?

i had muh first crush on a girl in 7th and 8th grade when i was 13/14. that was a bad choice because she was a mudshark slut. yes you could be a mudshark slut at age 14. how disgraceful! but she was a Bad Gurl who liked very Bad Bois. the badder the better. i have no idea why i liked her. prob because she was real purty. i felt that it was disappointing that she was such a bad gurl. i kinda wanted to save her and turn her into a nice gurl hahaha.

then i went into my women hating phase until like age 20/21, when is the second time i develop actual feelings for a woman. and they were very very very strong, and disrupted muh whole life. i didnt know how to deal with them!

in the interim i made out with 1 gurl when i was about 15 and i had VERY mixed feelings about it. i kinda felt pressured into it, that she wanted to do it more than i did, but i just went along to Gain The Experience, but i wasnt particularly HAPPY about it. i was kinda ANGRY about it for a couple years! also she lived like 50 miles away. maybe if she lived nearby i could get to know her as a person.

by age 20/21 i was completely off the track and should have took a hiatus from college at age 20, started intensive shit with a shrink and meds, gone teetotal from alcohol and MJ, stayed at home, got a shitty job, and finished up college at close to home U, pref in STEM hahahahahaha.  but nooooooooooooo i soldiered thru my useless degree and continued all my bad horrible habits.

i became sort of friendly with some women at age 20, but it was not until age 21 that i made my first decent actual official female friend. that was a positive move. also at that age i first pseudodated a gurl. and we rushed through all the beginning stages of a “rel” in a very short time, leaving me confused and sad and angry and disappointed and crazy hahahaha.

i made some more female friends at age 22.

anyway not sure what my point was. probably that its pointless and a bad idea to hate women unless you actually have some female friends.

even as women were dumping me and disappointing me and i should have really Hated All Women, i didnt really, having female friends was really useful in keeping me from hating all women.

you see, i didnt really LIKE hating all women! i didnt WANT to hate all women! it was GOOD for me to have female friends.

now, there was a little bit of drama…..but that was because i had fallen in LUV with a friend of my female friend. so i completely lost muh mind. the regular DRINKING did not help at this point. i should have just stopped drinking and been like ayyyyy baby wan sum hang out lmao and gotten rejected that way, instead of drunkenly pining for her.

MY POINT is, its not fun or good or healthy to Hate Women, and its a lot easier to not hate women when you actually have some Woman Friends. in fact, this will go farther in curing your womanhate, than actually dating or getting feelings for a gurl . cuz that shit always ends badly. with my female friends, well the ones i didnt fall in luv with, it never ended BADLY. we just drifted away as friends often do. but no hard feelings.

and it sucks to think of somebody you were in luv with, you wanted to be with forever, now they are giving dat secs up really easily and quickly to other guys, and that makes you sad, angry, and disgusted. because its none of your business. but i say you are still entitled to your opinion that she should not be a disgusting whore!!!!! and entitled to be hurt when she is. even if shes done with you. becuase you are not quite done with her. you are still in luv with her, still want her. who knows when that is gonna be over.

2% milk has 120 calories per cup, whole milk 150.

yeah i have reading reddit relships all day to convince myself that i did nothing wrong and that she is out of line.

well i admit i was cowardly and weak. but that it wasnt THAT bad. i mean its hard to have a hard discussion. give me a damn break. i wasnt trying to AVOID it. i was trying to confront it, in my weak way. i was hinting an signally heavily, and trying to hang out. she was tyring to avoid everything.

i dunno i dont like to be treated so disrespectfully. its very disrespectful to be Thrown Away Like Garbage!!!! can you understand that?!?!?!?!?!

its not so bad if its a random stranger. then you can just say fookin asshole and never see them again. but when they were once your friend, a good friend, and they do this……its LIKE a betrayal hahahahahah.

plus her throwing me away like garbage is WAY more disrespectful than me getting feelings for her.

i didnt think she had such little respect for me! so that was shocking! shit she used to have a lot of respect for me.

i have never lost this much respect for a person! i dont even know how to relate to that! well except when women dump me and go be huge sluts hahaha.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/43mn60/my_19_m_girlfriend_20_f_of_almost_2_years_broke/

hmm i almost wrote a response to this guy but he deleted his story and i cant find a cache/archive of it hahahaha.

nothing TOO exciting, i just sorta related to him. young man and his gf dumped him. not in the worst way, but not in the best way either. i wanted to use it as an example of, yeah this isnt the worst dumping, but women should aim to dump a lot better than this.

how are they so stupid and UnEmpathic that they dont know or dont care that they will be causing a person Great Pain?

how are relships such ugly, disappointing, tragic, heartbreaking, insane, Wrong, Clusterfooks??!?!?!?!?!?! cant people get along better than this? just use a LITTLE common sense. i would treat a person way better than this.

therefore, it is WOMEN who are at fault for all the Sorrow and Badness in Bad Relships hahahahaha.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/43mukg/my_19_m_girlfriend_20_f_of_almost_2_years_broke/

http://archive.is/uq1hT

FOUND IT! he crossposted it in relship advice as well. and i archived it for all eternity hahahaha

what i would say to him: yeah she COULD HAVE shown you even LESS respect by cheating on you….but she SHOULD have shown you a HELL of a lot MORE respect tho, by taking into account your feelings about being dumped, and being nice but decisive in dumping you.

IMHO, when you agree to a rel with them, you OWE IT TO THEM, its part of your RESPONSIBILITIES to them, to dump them gently and kindly and compassionate, if it reaches the point where you want to dump them and they want to stay/work on the rel….and you want to get out.  its like an early termination fee. the “fee” is simply BE NICE. BE KIND. BE GENTLE.

i would NEVER treat somebody like this unless i HATED them. i would never HATE them unless they made a concerted effort to push my buttons. i wouldnt hate somebody for getting feelings for me. i know you just cant turn feelings on an off at will, for any random person.

i hated one guy because he trolled me on our views of the world and became the most annoying faggot you wanted to punch in the face repeatedly.

i think thats how i made her feel hahahaha.

to her i became a really annoying faggot she wanted to punch in the face repeatedly.

damn.

punchable faces hahahaha.

that might be the best word for how she felt about me. the reaction i got out of her.

but i really feel if she took 5 minutes to think about it like an adult, she would see how ridiculous that is. why couldnt she give me that courtesy after the years together? are all women this childish and stupid and obtuse and unkind?

its totally immature, like something a 14 year old would do.

and in some ways i am very very emotionally mature, like a 14 year old: i get feelings too fast and too strong, i get feelings if i have secs or make out with or even cuddle with a gurl, and get way too attached to them too fast.

but i think this is a more positive way to be emotionally immature, than in the bad way, were you are paranoid and throwing tantrums and hate people for shitty reasons, and cant even attempt empathy, and are all hot and cold with no in between.

i mean she has empathy too, ive seen her use empathy, shes empathzed with ME before! just in this SITUATION to have her get so bipolar, was weird as hell, and caught me COMPLETELY off guard.

some woman on TRS forum said to be attractive to women, you have to TAKE REJECTION WELL. I thought this was stupid because a. nobody takes rejection super well b. if a woman rejects you and sees that you arent really upset….then what? is she gonna revoke her rejection? probably not. and if she did, that would be stupid and shameful and not the type of woman you want to be with.

so in other words, when That Woman rejected me, she probably hated and disrespected me EVEN MORE when she saw how upset and devastated and hurt I was.

i dunno this makes women seem like SADISTS, just shoveling hate and misery and suffering on men.

it did not seem worth it to autistically argue this one point with the forum woman hahahaha

well i took THE PREVIOUS REJECTION PRETTY WELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I TAKE REJECTION AS WELL AS CAN BE EXPECTED, WHEN THE WOMAN MAKES AN EFFORT TO BE NICE ABOUT IT!!!!

why WOULD you reject someone in the meanest way possible?  because you HATE them?

why wouldnt you TRY to be nice or sympathetic when you are rejecting someone?

why would she not even take 5 minutes to THINK ABOUT THIS and how what i did was not some evil horrible thing???????

what the hell did her friends and family say when she talked about it with her? surely they cant all be as fooked up as her! unless she lied to them and said “UGH hes been creeping and stalking on me for months. he KNOWS im not interested but he still doesnt TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER!” and then they say “well dump that creeper to the curb gurlfran, you dont owe him an apology lmao”

cuz she seemed pretty reasonable and thoughtful, and her family did too, such that if she were making a horrendous Lapse In Judgment, they would steer her the right way. and i believe this was a Horrendous Lapse In Judgment on her part.

yeah yeah yeah a tale as old as time, but im not used to it happening to me, from a person i really didnt expect it from.  it shattered my confidence and made me think, hmmm maybe i really DID do something awful to warrant this. i dont realize it but i still stabbed her right in the back and she is just showing righteous anger now. i am reaping what i sowed, even though i didnt realize i sowed it.

so yeah its a long process trying to convince myself that i am not reaping what i sowed, that this was a YUGE lapse in judgment on her part.

but what DID she say to her family and friends? that i was just being a CREEPER WEIRDO and not taking NO for an answer? how much would they have pushed back on that? I”LL NEVER KNOW. Like they could ask her, well did you TALK to him about this? did you tell him you dont want to hang out, or do you keep telling him later, later, later? do you think maybe he likes you? dont HATE him for THAT. hes not a bad guy!! try not to break his heart when you dump him, he’s not trying to hurt you. hey maybe even give him a try, he would treat you really well, you could do a lot worse, you already know each other and get along. you knew this guy for almost 3 years and used to be good friends. dont just throw him away like a piece of garbage, he’ll be devastated, and thats just bad karma, not a cool thing to do to anybody. think about it. if he had any choice in this, why would he pick a time when its bad timing? did he write you any emails? oh a couple long super long emails? did you read them or just delete them? this isnt some random weirdo. remember not too long ago you were telling me what a good person he was. so treat him like that.

ok fatclub. hopefully TRUMPENFUHRER wins iowa caucus. is there one winner for each party?

whos worse, bernie or hillary? probably hillary hahahahahahahaha. bernie admits he is a j00ish socialist hahahaha.

AND if she told me WHY she couldnt just talk to me….oh because i BETRAYED her. i would STILL want to talk about THAT.

well i dont agree i betrayed you.

well i think you did.

and you think I will be able to convince her i didnt betray her? I, as the accused betrayer?  I would need a damn independent tribunal. 3rd parties. which i why i wanted her to talk to her friends and family. shit i should have Reached Out to her friends and family at the time. i thought about contacting her mother. i met the mother a few times and she seemed to like me, and i guess the woman used to tell her mother all sorts of good things about me. if i were personally closer with the mother, i probably would have contacted her!!!!

but i just wonder what The Woman told her mother, and what the mother said. I will NEVER KNOW.

its really hard to say!

maybe there was no talk at all. or it was like, yeah, were not getting along so well right now, we are drifting apart, not as close anymore, oh well that happens, thats life.

i just hate thinking this will happen again: that i will accidentally do something HORRIBLY WRONG an drive the woman of muh dreams away from me;

and also worried i will never feel that way about a woman again. i am getting OLD, and i dont like older women, and i dont like casual sex women on the websites.

heh. i thought I WONDER IF SHE IS ON TINDER then i saw you couldnt browse tinder without a smart phone.

i actually went to tinder with the intent of looking for HER. confirming that she is putting herself out there for casual sex.

anyway i hate making mistakes, HUGE mistakes, without even being aware that i am.

and if this is the LAST woman….damn.

i wish she hadnt made me feel like i royally screwed up.

but no one can make you feel someway without your permission.

but…..when they treat you like you did something horribly wrong….they are kinda making you feel you did something horribly wrong. and in at least 50%, they would probably be RIGHT!

essentially i am being falsely accused hahahaha. i dont know how this feels. it is so confusing and disorienting.

cuz sometimes….its RIGHT for you to feel bad, its not a matter of you “giving permission to let someone else make you feel bad.” its because you really did something bad to them, they are upset at you, they should be, and you feel bad.

and you SHOULD listen to the people who you care about and who you thought cared abotu you. because their perceptions of you matter.

so when someone who mattered to me a lot thought i was a awful piece of shit…….i was hurt, and i felt horrible for hurting them.

heh. they should have KNOWN that i would take this hard. they should have thought hmmm he will prob be hurt by this, probably should tread lightly. not be EXTRA HARSH.

well really extra harsh would be her TELLING ME all sorts of shitty things like “i hate you, you did this to yourself, you made me do this, youre horrible person,etc” while dumping me. really she was just too afraid of confrontation.

she might ahve WANTED to be nicer to me, she was just too SCARED to.

I WILL NEVER KNOW.

and because i was obsessed about handling the rejection like a man….i did not contact her 90000000000000000 times afterwards. i contacted her like 4 times. i begged a little bit but not too much. i didnt bombard her with so much shit, to FORCE her to say “stop harrassing me, i am blocking you, if you stalk me im getting a restraining order” etc. she just blocked me on FB and she may have blocked me on phone and email, no way to confirm that.

just watching iowa caucus instead of going to fatclub. i came in under muh calorie goal anyway so thats good. on muh BEEF DIET hahahaha. best shit ever.

but yeah so disappointing. she could have just sent a message and said this will be the last message, im blocking you after this, but SORRY SORRY SORRY, i didnt mean to hurt you. and that would have saved a decent amount of pain.

ITS REALLY NOT THAT HARD. it seems like it would be HARDER to do what shes actually doing. i mean the guilt would eat me alive.

but she is good at avoiding confrontation. yeah i keep forgetting she does have a red flag that she is able to just throw away her responsibilities and run away in shameful ways. its sad cuz she can do better. but stupid when you are on the receiving end of that.

i say she has nothign but yellow flags but this one might be a red. not going to go into detail here hahaha.

0202

gotta when you get up in the morning say: i definitely did not deserve this. i did not do something horribly wrong. they have made an EGREGIOUS error in judgment. they got me wrong, and they did me wrong. it was a horrible misunderstanding that will NEVER be resolved.

just dont like poeple being WRONG about me.

also i dont know if she felt betrayed by me, or she just wanted to GET RID of me. maybe she does feel bad. she is not a horrible person, but when she is forced to make a difficult choice, she has a tendency to break down and NOT do the right thing. a good person who makes horrible, regrettable choices. it really is kinda tragic but i cant save her from herself. unless she lets me. which she wont. hahahaha. ok have fun either having mud bastards, or becoming a crazy old catlady. and if you have a kid you will prob not be good mother hahahaha.

she has the potential to be a good mother, but also the potential to be a bad mother. its hard to tell. she might decide its too HARD to be a good mother and then just neglect her children and emotionally abandon them. is that the kind of woman i want to be married to, having my children? FOOK NO!!!!!

its similar to a woman having an ABORTION. its a convenient, expedient, super effective, but very morally ambiguous (and i would say, very immoral!!) “Solution” to a “problem”.  and probably the woman doesnt feel HAPPY about it, might even feel long term guilt or conflict about it, and they arent angry or hateful or feel BETRAYED by the baby theyre killing.

but yeah if you can just GET RID OF a PERSON, its kinda like KILLING them! except here, you’re still alive!

its weird being metaphorically KILLED by somebody important to you! it sends the message that your LIFE isnt very important to them. at least not more important than their feelings of discomfort.

she has the capacity to do the right thing and be a good person…..but when it comes time to make some real important decisions…..she CHOKES and does NOT rise to the occasion.

i mean i am the same way. i know how to be a good person but its so HARD, and i have made bad decisions just because i was too WEAK to do the right thing.

i dunno you could still send a messenger to say to me, she doesnt mean to metaphorically KILL you. she feels real bad about this and wants the best for you. even THAT would be a step up.

RELATIONSHIP BILL OF RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES

  1.  I have the right to be not thrown away like a piece of garbage when you decide to get out of this rel.
  2. You have the responsibility to not throw me like a piece of garbage when you decide to get out of this rel.

hahahahahahahah ayyyyyyy lmao.

i mean just show a little Respect for the Dignity of Human Life.

Dont Throw PEOPLE away like GARBAGE.

dont date / have secs with more than one person at a time.

this is all very r-selected behavior. we HAVE to be better than that. I want to be better than that, and my topkek m8 also wants to be better than that. choose k-selection. dont be like CRAB PEOPLE. crabs in a bucket. rat race. no. each of those squirming rats are special and have dignity. treat them as such.

also if youve known someone for 3 years, then its even WORSE if you throw them away like garbage.

this is very different than a mutual drift away, where BOTH people dont want to put too much effort into the rel.

but appreciate that this person you knew for 3 years has feelings and their feelings will be DEVASTATED if you do this to them. and then make an effort not to do that to them.

so next time some catlady dyke bitch gives you shit about ENTITLEMENT, show her the Relationships Bill Of Rights And Responsibilities, and say, and say something like, is it ENTITLEMENT to have a REASONABLE EXPECTATION that the person will not treat you like a piece of garbage?

is it ENTITLEMENT to think you deserve not to be Abused?

is it ENTITLEMENT to think you deserve to be Communicated With?

really the feminist antimale cat lady is just the Jury Of Women in my Head. the internal self critic. saying you dont deserve this and youre not entitled to this, but you DO deserve to be thrown away like garbage, because you were a horrible person to her.

went to shrink today, shrink agrees that i am not a horrible person, but shoeld have discussed that a bit more hahahaha.

how is it SO HARD for me to CONVINCE myself that i did not deserve this?

well because that woman and her opinion of me was important to me!

but yeah. she REALLY could have done a LOT better. how disappointing.

so….what do CHEATERS deserve? what do ABUSERS deserve?

this is the kind of shit i obsess over. even though i never cheated and i damn sure never abused.

well abuse is probably worse than cheating.

and abandonment/ghosting/throwing you away like a piece of garbage is…..better than cheating? worse than cheating? its probably better than ABUSE. idunno. its seems really neck and neck with cheating! at least cheaters usually pretend to show remorse and beg im sorrrrrrrry baby ill never do it again! and then they do it again.

what about abortion? where does that go on the bad things scale. worse than abuse? worse than cheating?

well i would THINK its worse than abuse, its damn killing a baby!!!!!! hahahahaah

now the jury of women says: but thats oversimplifying, and as a man, i have no place to talk. its just a nonsentient clump of cells at this point AND its a very humane compassionate choice, to spare the future child a life of hardship.

if you talk about “AGENCY” that is a DOGWHISTLE that you a shitlord racist hahahaha. because that means you are Punching Down on Oppressed Groups by Blaming the Victim, and by IMplying that Oppressed Groups had Agency in preventing or doing something about their Oppression.

Because Agency is defined according to the people in power (cis white men hahahaha) , Cis White Men Oppress Oppressed groups by taking AWAY their agency! so to say they still HAVE agency is denying that white men are oppressing them!

redacted

gr8 thread. beta autist 19 yo young man on my racistforum has a date with a Chubby Guatemalan and the talk gets REALLY real.

 

5 BY 22 IS WAY TOO MUCH, 2 BY 25 IS MUCH BETTER

1203

14 people dead in mass shooting in san bernardino, welp better ban guns and not get islamophobic about it hahahaha.

from urban dictionary:

unrequieted love
when one person is in love with another and knows they don’t love them back but just can’t shut the f*ck up about it.
she: we really need to talk….

he: UGH!! ya know, we’d get along much better if you didn’t speak.

(she can’t help herself, she’s in unrequieted love…..)
by thelilsis May 10, 2010  ”

of courshe shwitch the he and she for my situation hahahaha.

i liked that she was a “chill” person, NOT meaning what 25 year old women mean, when a woman is a “chill girl” or “cool girl”, that means they are low maintenance fook buddies; and “chill hangouts” mean chill CASUAL SEX; or “netflix and chill” means to FOOK, probably casually and nonmonogamously; basically “chill” means degenerate casual sex, and i dont mean CHILL like that, I mean it like a person is LAID BACK and Low Drama and Not Crazy, and Not Uptight. but laid back and calm and friendly and not all hyper and anxious and weird and annoying.

most gurls love drama and are all hyper but not her. she was honestly “chill”  in the way that i mean chill. of course maybe that means she does chill casual sex with other guys. well, not when i first got to know her!

most gurls are hyper and all over the place like bats jumping around spastically. she was not. she seemed to Not Be Crazy, in the way that so many women Are Crazy. Because of this i became friends with her and gradually fell in luv with her.

so i was at the fatness and saw this skinny guy, prob a teensy bit older than me, keeping in good shape, but he looked weird and psycho. he had the treadmill on a ridiculous incline and was jogging for a long time without slowing down. he got off and i saw that he had it at 4 percent incline at least, and had gone 5.2 miles in like 52 minutes, and had done 1000 calories. 1000 calories in 52 minutes. that was probably his goal, and its a good goal, to get to 1000 calories. in 52 goddamn minutes. by comparison, it takes me about 140 minutes to do 800 calories.

so he was on FLEEK going about 3 times harder than me at all times hahahaha.

maybe his job is 3 times more stressful than mine was hahaha. he looked smart enough to have a tech degree therefore a good job; but also looked awkward and beta with the ladies and was probably single and very frustrated hahahaha. i think he was white but i guess he could have been arab or albanian like many people. like the annoying arab guy who regularly gets on a treadmill near me and talks on his phone loudly in arabic hahaha.

it would be annoying if it was a white guy but its even more annoying with an arab hahaha. muslim terrorist hahaha.

the unignorant would call me islamophobic and racist, YES I AM, of courshe i dont care, i am happy to be islamophobic and racist. race exists, race matters, races are different, muslims are different.

so yeah, if you can burn 1000 calories in one hour, that would be GREAT. Working People cant afford to spend 3 hours at the gym every day! maybe 1 but not 3! they have to either get back to work or go home and study for work! while their gf complains about them being boring and lame and not fun and then goes and gets tons of side dick hahahaa.

because why wouldnt you be a damn cheater. sex means nothing to anyone hahahaha.

i once assumed that woman2005(a) had an Eating Disorder but now im not so sure. she wasnt fat, but she wasnt grotesquely skinny either, she just seemed like a normal attractive 22 year old gurl. i think she had a healthy amount of fat on her thighs and stomach. i think she used to be fatter when she was in high school but i dunno. she only mentioned it once briefly and i never saw pictures or really got to know her hahaha. i dont know how i thought she was anorexic. she was crazy sure but nowadays im not so sure she was anorexic because she simply didnt LOOK sickly or grotestquely skinny!

she probabyl had secs with at least 5 guys by age 22 and i think she was a “late bloomer” . any rate, 5 by 22 is TOO MUCH for ME!

so i much prefered the 2 by 25 of That Person!!!!!!!!

how about at LEAST 5 by 17 hahahahaha like with woman2004? now she was a REAL slut, gave it up REAL easy to lots of guys.

2 by 25! i really like that! it Signals that you have Serious Sexual Morality! so i felt we were on the same page there. maybe we were. but she SURE couldnt communicate with me like an adult. well, she could; but not about US, not when it mattered the MOST. when i needed her the most, she just left me in the lurch. not cool.

http://www.returnofkings.com/14488/can-stripers-pornstars-and-live-sex-models-be-good-girlfriends#comment-977610402

best comment ever, by delicious tacos, on a mediocre article at ROK, which demonstrates how great of a writer DT is. i first “discovered” him like 4 or 5 years ago and was impressed, then i randomly saw him in this 2 year old article/comment.

Unemployment Diary: The Job Market

http://delicioustacos%5Bdot%5Dcom/2013/04/25/unemployment-diary-want-ads/

hes still got great shit, great writer. kind of bukowski ish but he was working in shitty white collar office jobs

http://delicioustacos%5Bdot%5Dcom/2013/10/20/unemployment-diary-things-fall-apart/

meh i just dont want too many pingbacks on 10 of his posts hahaha

http://delicioustacos%5Bdot%5Dcom/2013/06/06/shit-jobs-telemarketing/

http://delicioustacos%5Bdot%5Dcom/2013/01/27/shit-jobs-mcdonalds/

Depression

great guy, i can really relate, although he is tougher than me, has achieved more than me, been more successful than me with jobs and women, i would have quit any of these jobs within 1 day. yet hes still miserable and despairing and anxious and compulsive drinker and sex obsessed.  but a great guy who just needs to get out of LA methinks. “JUST”. and “JUST” find a decent woman to be loyal to him, and job that doesnt destroy his soul. EASY>!!!!!!

he needs to stop being a damn sex addict, but he DOES want a true decent woman monog wife just like i do, just like every honest man does. i have the greatest sympathy for DT. great guy and i hope he finds some kind of peace. but yeah him jerking off all the time, looking at pron, fooking disgusting women from okcupid, fantasizing about asian women all the time, these are not healthy things.

becoming racially aware or a neoreactionary might help him. i think he already IS somewhat racially aware. but he just hates everything hahaha. i know that feel hahaha. but he is degrading himself with degenerate behavior more than he should be. hey i used to do the same thing. i drank way too much and idolized bukowski too. and i will always think of bukowski as a great man, but he got too wrapped up in a degenerate, sad life. this is probably largely related to drinking. so its good that DT has stopped drinking. im glad I stopped drinking!

but right now i feel so low i want something to block and numb the bullshit. ok so if alcohol is out of the question, try everything else. MJ. benzos. opiates. all of em at once. then maybe your inhibitions will be dulled and youll say FOOK IT and have your first drink in 6 years hahahaha.

ah whatever i havent made out with a gurl in 6 years either hahahaha.

DT would prob go crazy too if he had been dumped by My Woman hahahaha. its one thing to get dumped by a dirty slut who does Prolapse Party on the first date. its another to get badly dumped by a gurl who has only fooked 2 guys by age 25, who actually takes sex seriously and has to know the guy for MONTHS. you dont see that very often. not even with girls with good fathers!

yeah my thing is going to the Gym. i SHOULD lift the weights because testosterone is the best thing for a man. but i have too many excuses hahaha. as for anything.

the value of work. take abuse all day for not enough money to live on and become a monster. pass the abuse down to your family if youre lucky enough to have one. abuse yourself with drugs and alcohol to escape. DT captures this very well.

you never get trained on how exactly to take the abuse. just BE TOUGH. you have to learn toughness through these trials. BUT WHAT IF YOU DONT???? When the going gets tough, I do not toughen up, but rather break down like a Basic Beta Bitchboi! no wonder women and employers dont want me!

well its kinda insulting to women to put them on the same level as EMPLOYERS hahaha.

but it IS similar. you’re competing with other candidates for the position of slave hahahaha. crabs in a bucket. but the women give you more pleasure. but are less necessary than the jobs. and though the job crushed muh soul plenty, it was the WOMAN who crushed my soul more and made me quit the job. which i obviously would not do if i were not working with her!

this was not a stupid “work crush.” i knew her long before i started there. if anything, we were real life, outside of work friends, and then i got downgraded to “work friends”, and that was painful! it hurt! then downgraded to garbage thrown away without a word and forgotten.

theres that horrible anxiety dread feeling when you have a bad job or read DT’s tales of shitty jobs. overwhelming anxiety and despair that makes you think, i totally understand why people K themselves. WHY WOULDNT YOU hahahahaha.

and really the total OPPOSITE feeling is that you get from a special woman, like i got from her. confidence and strength and luv and optimism and everythings gonna be all right as long as we have each other.

this world is hard and cruel and unfair but we will fight the bastards together and support each other through it all.

and then they dump the shit out of you and dont even CARE! they’re DONE with you and thats that! how can you not even CARE when you do that to someone? because if you let yourself CARE, youd feel such guilt and shame over doing such a bad thing that youd K yourself hahahaha.

well i found a youtube channel by DT and he is a tall, in shape, truly quite handsome man. he apparently gets laid by attractive women rather frequently. he jsut cant connect decent women becuase he is a masochist, he is a drunkard degenerate, he doesnt want to give up degenerate things, and worse, he DOES degenerate things.

good guy and a great writer but he has to stop doing degenerate things!

a 34 year old asian womans ass is his god and master!

he is a smart capable healthy handsome white man! he needs to start treating himself wiht more self respect! this pornified degenerate neurotic stuff smacks of YOU KNOW WHO!!!! i think being in LA is a big part of it.

women reject you for being TOO NEEDY. well if they were EMOTIONALLY MATURE/INTELLIGENT enough to look beyond themselves, and put themselves in YOUR shoes – to show EMPATHY – then theyd KNOW that its not “neediness”, its just feelings. its LUV.

THEY WERE JUST AS FOOKIN NEEDY WHEN THEY HAD FEELINGS FOR SOMEBODY!

To have feelings for somebody IS to be needy ie NEED them. period.

so dont let bitches try to SHAME you for being “needy”.

respond by saying OF COURSHE IM NEEDY, that’s what it MEANS to have FEELINGS for someone, MORON! you emotional infant!

in this video millennial woes is wearing a “tom petty and the heartbreakers” shirt.

that is awesome because i didnt think he liked degenerate classic rock type music.

which it is degenerate but tom petty is a big exception. TP is a degenerate like all musicians, but his music is honest and sublime and real and much less degen than he is. someone i could see never growing out of. just a top tier True Musical Artist like tom waits or leonard cohen or neil young. but being professional musicians, ALL of these people flirt with a degenerate world. banging tons of sluts, doing tons of drugs, hedonist, sensualist.

now i think the best musicians like the above are less degen than average musicians.

anyway delicious tacos is  a great writer but so is MW and MW is much more where i wanna be morally and spiritually etc. fighting against degeneracy and standing up for the good guys, fighting the good fight.

i just cant take abuse very well. i am not tough enough. cant take abuse from employers, customers, coworkers.

well i think if you are taking abuse 8 hours a day MINIMUM, that is gonna have effects on you. it is gonna turn you into a monster who abuses people too. like the human centipede society in s.korea, see the klownisms blog.

when you get abused you gotta abuse someone else. i mean its OBVIOUS how this cycle perpetuates. its OBVIOUS that people who got abused as children are very lkely to grow up to be abusive adults. it just makes sense!

i mean yeah you can choose to stop the cycle of abuse. i would try to. i never got abused at home thank god! i just never dealt with rejection well. or stress.

i wonder if becuase i was so stressed out at work, that i took that stress out by being abusive to THAT PERSON, without even knowing.

NOOOOO. i was stressed about work and stressed about her but i was coming at her like please lets talk about this problem and she was like nope i never want to talk to you again cuz yr too weird, would rather get rid of you than talk to you about stuff, esp if you like me. nope. dont want to let you down gently. just want to throw you away cuz its easier that way.

google how to take verbal abuse hahahahaha

“Feel guilty for causing the bad vibes at work (Hint: if the victim were the bully, s/he wouldn’t feel guilty.)”

from http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/verbal-abuse/dealing-with-verbal-abuse-at-work/

regarding verbal abuse at work, but its very appropriate to the guilt i felt for “causing her to throw me away”

yeah i was annoying and weird but i was Open to Talk, she was so Closed it was not even funny. i was standing there saying PLEASE RESPOND and she was turning her back and walking away without a word.

because i abused her. fook that. no i did not abuse her. abuse is: physical abuse like beating and raping.

then theres verbal abuse. that is calling someone a bitch and cvnt and all that. calling them a worthless whore. nope never did that either.

then theres covert psychological abuse, like controlling them, manipulating them, isolating them from their friends and family. you might say i was TRYING to control or manipulate her into talking or hanging out with me…………..

but when the stakes are that low you CANT really manipulate them. you can BEG them sure.

for you to even be ABLE to manipulate or control them, THEY have to have at least a LITTLE skin in the game. just a little personally invested.

if youre BEGGING someone, they have all the power, they are not invested at all, and uh…..in order to control someone, you gotta have some power to begin with.

you gotta start out with something like a 50/50 power balance before you can start WRESTING THAT POWER AWAY.

by the point i was begging, she had 99% of the power. SHE CONTROLLED ME. not intentionally certainly. in fact i probably GAVE her that power!! but i couldnt control her if she already controlled me! i couldnt manipulate her, that would be like…….i dunno. a poor peasant trying to manipulate the fooking KING.

no, peasants dont manipulate the king, they BEG the king.

IF YOURE BEGGING, YOU CANT POSSIBLY BE ABUSING.

YOU CANT CONTROL SOMEONE IF THEY HAVE ALL THE CONTROL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

LOOK LIKE A POTATO

1114

yeah big terrorism in paris yesterday, 150+ dead, thats a big deal!

mill woes talking about mgtow and his own painful rel with a female friend and how he threw away 7 years, age 18 to 25, being a “milk sop” hopeless in love with her, dear god.

” The Reactionary Tree 1 year ago
I have mixed feelings about MGTOW. Right now, I am in a relationship with a woman I care a great deal about. If I didnt have a woman who I cared a great deal about, I could see myself “going my own way.” Perhaps that is just being a bachelor. I have zero intent on settling because I see that I would myself ultimately becoming terribly unhappy in such a relationship.

They are free to do what they want and they are at least bright enough to see that Western women have become pretty terrible for the most part.

The sad thing is that these guys, who can see through the bullshit of the new Western woman and what she has become, should be the ones raising children. They have lots of knowledge to pass on to the future generations of young men. There are a few good women left out there, perhaps not as many as there used to be but that is no reason to cut yourself off from women entirely. Sift through the bullshit and find the ones worth being with. I guess trying and failing is better than never trying at all… perhaps a bit cliche.

..

I would say that 99.999% of women are not poisonous (though I realize a lot of western women are). I think reclamation of patriarchy is the strategy men should adopt. I am not saying man up and marry those sluts. I am saying reclaim our masculinity, improve ourselves, game these broads and only marry the ones you have courted and decided are worthy of us.  ”

” Albion Myway 11 months ago (edited)
Regarding to your story with that girl (and I could tell a similar one, as it happens, having been a romantic fool prone to fixation and clueless idiocy.) I think you would be somewhat justified in putting some blame on her, since she must indeed have known your feelings, on some level. Indeed it would be nice to go back in time and give one’s younger self a good talking to- a dose of reality. Including such unsentimental terms as ‘friend zone’ ‘beta orbiter’ and ‘oneitis’. There is some use to this ‘red pill’ stuff. Not necessarily to go one’s own way, though that is useful as an option – to know women aren’t the be all and end all, and that one can survive without one, and doesn’t need one for validation. The real torment is the thought that having known then what one knows now, one could have upped one’s ‘game’ and potentially achieved one’s original objectives. There again one also recoils from the amoral, cynical, manipulative and mechanical view of human nature promoted by many of these theories. One doesn’t wish to inhabit such a soulless and disenchanted world. ‘Game’/’PUA’ stuff is as depressing as MGTOW in the sense that it promotes such a bleak and hollow outlook.

As a humanist and a nationalist one is obliged to reject the extreme forms of MGTOW anyway for obvious reasons. ”

Pinnacles49 9 months ago (edited)
accidentally deleted this….You were a milk sop. Same as me. Check the tendency, because it will continue through the years. It’s , in general, toxic to your well being. And you have to realize that even if you did by chance or effort “win” get her, you would have inevitably come back to reality; and the infatuation would have dissolved, romance faded. Then you might have found someone else and developed a distaste for the previous woman you had put on a pedestal.

No, I don’t practice what I preach; it takes constant vigilance. I am giving advice to myself, I guess.

This problem of course has continued throughout the centuries (i.e., troubadour poetry, etc.); but in ours, my theory is that this milk sop obsessive lovelorn type has increased because of FEMINISM. I’m not a mgtow- didn’t even know what it was until a few months ago.

Or, it could be Feminism combined with an excessive compassion for fellow human beings, projected onto one individual; in an absurd way this is a divine impulse erroneously hyper-focused.

Another thing to consider is that 4% of the general population could be diagnosed as narcissistic manipulative sociopaths, to some degree at least. These persons prey easily on
good-willed and kind men, “nice guys”. I’m not saying this is true in your case; however I have experienced this and heard of other victims.

Whatever, just my ideas .
Show less ”

just copy and pasting some ok comments there.

what i would say to MW is, SO WHAT if you were awkward around gurls and didnt know how to deal with them cuz you were inexperienced and was Not Quite Assertive in the Right Way and came off as Obsessive Maybe Or Maybe Not.  Was she not an Adult Too who was responsible for 50% of the relationship? could she have not talked to you about these things?

where MW’s big error was, was pretending like his feelings would “just go away” and then keeping up with the friendship with the woman, talking to her all the damn time. I guess she really beleived him that his feelings were gone, and he should have been more honest, but oh well, I aint dissing MW, I love him hahahaha. I luv this guy!

and I appreciate You sharing this painful story with us. Yes I can totally believe it. I am sorry that you gave up SEVEN YEARS, the best years of your Youth, on a woman who didnt have feelings for you.

Yeah some of it was on you, like living in the delusion for 7 years and still talking to her……..but a lot of it was on her too. she should have been more of a damn adult and been like “you seem like youre still in luv with me. maybe we should take a break for a few months. this doesnt seem like its good for you.”

so yeah dont blame yourself so much MW. she was an adult, she had responsibility for the relationship too.

or is that one of the differences between men and women? that in men-women rels, the man has to have 100% responsibility all the time, so anything that happens is always all his fault?

so he had kinda a breakdown when she fell totes in luv with a man  and then she and MW stopped talking? i would like to know more about exactly what happened at that point of ending. who said and did what. did she or he say finally ok we have to stop talking now? or did they just drift apart?

did they ever see each other physically, or just talk on phone or computer?

anyway this is really a much different situation than i had. sounds like they DID have a talk early on where she said no i dont share your feelings, LJBF, and he didnt react to that too well, namely, pining after her for 7 more years, talking to her, and lying to her that his feelings were dying away. and so its not HER fault if she takes that at face value, its HIS fault for lying. well i can understand why he lied, people go nutters when they are IN LUV, they will say and do ANYTHING.

and yeah when YOU are the one having the feelings, the onus is ON YOU to SAY SOMETHING and say we need to talk, because how are they supposed to know if you dont TELL THEM?

note: i will always luv WOESY and im not BLAMING him, he didnt DESERVE 7 years of pain, but I think we despairers have a terrible skill at inflicting pain on ourselves!

i am like the commenter that wanted to give him a big hug for his sad pathetic story! MW is prob my favorite person, i just like listening to him and i feel a connection with him and i should probably do a skype chat with him.

but yeah i have personal issues with women and so that is why i am always talking about women.

also i wonder how long it took him to get over it AFTER that 7 years. certainly it must have taken another year at least for him to stop thinking about her all the time!

i wonder if he dated or fooked any other women in that time. if so it certainly didnt seem to help!!!!!! he might as well just have stayed celibate for 7 years!

very important woes vidya for me. cuz of my own personal issues with women.

well is it all women or just some women?

well…hard to say. i think all women are Too Promiscuous, so i am happy to meet Some WOmen who arent promiscuous. but then they turn out to be HORRIBLE in other ways. i mean this same person was BOTH the BEST and THE WORST woman i had dealt with in a LONG time. and she was NOT a slut. but it ended MUCH WORSE than it did with some sluts. i mean if sluts are gonna be nicer to me, why not prefer sluts to nonsluts?

so i would say i wasted about 7 months hiding my true feels, better than 7 years i guess hahahahaha.

but i understand completely, and its already taken me TOO LONG to get over this bullshit and i keep telling myself nawalt nawalt nawalt hahahaha. which is funny. its not like she was a slut who dumped me for more exciting me, well i guess technically she will be attracted to more exciting men and never me hahahaha. but the MAIN ISSUE with her is her being a terrible communicator who horribly avoids attempts to communicate.

also i was not as forthcoming about communicating as i should have been.

BUT it was not unreasonable that i wanted to talk in person!

and it WAS unreasonable that she refused to meet in person EVER!

but it WAS unreasonable for me, confronted with THAT, to continue to push for in person, rather than blurt it out.

anyway yeah i guess not all women are like that but i have learned yet another valuable lesson hahahaha.  ok time for a 5 miler hahahaha.

ok did a 5 miler.

funny a woman hurt me more by being a bad communicator, than by being a damn whore.

well i was nto a great communicator either.

also the onus was ON ME, because I was the one who had something to say, I was the one who changed, not her. so the responsibility was on me to talk.

well i wanted to, i sorta tried to, i didnt try hard enough? well i kinda tried too hard in the wrong way. i was pushing too hard for a physical hang out when i should have just blurted it out on email or text or phone.

I LEARNED MY LESSON OK???!?!?!?!?!!!!!???!?!?!?!

white women talk about how its good not to race mix, and Sleeping Around is Detrimental, and then in the comments (or on their other interview with red ice / radio 314 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFeNOFhTAPY ) some black guy says taht white women prefer black guys to white guys because white guys are unmanly pussies; and there is a rumor that the one woman had a black boifran; but havent they all really hahahahaha.

anyway i learned my lesson, i just wish she were nicer to me when she dumped me or at least responded to my damn emails. yeah she was probably NAIVE as was the woman for MW but how hard is it to respond to an email.

but i was OVERBEARING so i didnt DESERVE a response.

damn this shit is so stupid.

well what if i HAD hung out with her then been a huge pussy and not SAID anything?

well lets not go down THAT road.

yeah i could have been better about communicating but so could she.

she could have hung out with me once in 10 months.

well i was stupid for not taking that as a HINT!!!!

well thats what happens when you you fall in luv, you DONT GET SUBTLETY, YOU DONT GET HINTS, you pretty much HAVE to have a talk.

i am just butthurt that i am not man enough to pull a decent white woman, and the best i will ever do is white trash at best hahahaha. with mud babies. but im not man enough to get a better woman!

yeah crazy shit in paris amirite.

ok so i screwed up. i admit that. i did nto communicate well. i let shit get out of control. and it was MY responsibility to communicate because i was the one with the feelings. ok i can accept that. also its not like anything would have changed the outcome. ie, if she liked me too, uhhhh she would have hung otu with me, also

http://www.breitbart.com/london/2015/11/11/watch-anti-migrant-video-going-viral-across-europe/

so /pol makes vidyas now? good for them. this looks like good “propaganda” to help save our european brethren

anyway  think we might have turned the peak of peak leftism and people arent as Wilfully Blind as they were 10 years ago even, people are waking up to the fact that wow shit is fooked UP. whether its feminists, or race baiting idiots, or anti free speech pussy college students, or people scared about being called islamophobes while their children are getting raped and blown up etc.

that is, normal average everyday people and even Former Progressive Professionals are waking up and saying hmm maybe i was wrong, maybe all these muslims and feminists and dindus and leftists are not good things after all.

everything that our leftist leaders say is good…..is not good at all.

so in other words, its reached such a boiling point that the Mainstream is deciding to React and Resist!

and then will vote for donald trump who might build a wall against Illegal Aliens, but will prob find other ways to sell USA out to the globalist bankster elite hahahahaha

so there were terror attacks in MADRID in 2014? over 100 killed? where was I? ok that was 2004, 191 dead, march 2004. i was…..i had dropped out of college in my final year like a real big winner. i was in luv with a gurl like a moron. i was still a virgin. i was 10 times more responsible than i was now. i had a nice head of hair. i was kind of a bad boy or enfant terrible in the sense that i drank a lot, smoked a lot of w33d, and had a reputation as an asshole, but also a slightly charming asshole to my friends, and i had more friends than i had had in a while, so that was cool, met some nice people, had a decent social life, pretty fun, BUT i was also an irresponsible idiot re my future, i was being a DEGENERATE, my life was focused on drinkin & smokin & writing embarrassing bukowski ish poetry about luv and being a loser hahahaha. some of the poems were pretty good but i cant believe how stupid i was. also i was not getting any action from women, this women i was FIXATED on, shit i never even dated her, also i was not nearly as good of friends with her as i was with THAT PERSON. she was in my social circle but we never hung out one on one, she never Confided in me, we were never close, she never told me i was a good friend, because i WASNT, i wasnt that close to her. but i did fall hard in luv with her right away!

i dunno. it was cool to have friends but i wasnt really doing anything different, i was just in an environment where there were more people around i could talk to when i was stumbling around drunk hahahaha

so yeah those were some great people but i was not doing myself any favors. also i was certainly not watching the news at that time.

anyway that was 11 years ago hahahaha.

ok so i def related to what MW was saying: i was TOTALLY FIXATED / OBSESSED with HER, she was THE MOST POSITIVE person / aspect of my life, she kept me going, just the thought of her was the most positive encouraging thing ever.

it was insane how i could go from doing Pretty Good in like July 2014 to being a Total Fooking Mess in July 2015. holy shit.

well shit yeah i was overwhelming to her. but but but but. so she never responded to me because she was scared of how i would react to her response. she knew i would just write her another huge email. and she didnt want to deal with that.

well i think that when you want to end a rel, then yes you do have to deal with that. thats the price you pay for choosing to end the rel. you have to talk to the person.

but she knew i would go crazy if she did. therefore she didnt have to.

i dunno i probably would have gone crazy.

well i think when you have feelings for someone, you DO go a bit crazy for them. you get very emotional and you do put them on a pedestal, you do become kind of obsessed with them.

ORRRRRRRR is that what happens when your feelings have been “MARINADING” for TOO long?

now theres a good idea.

so in other words, confess your god damn feelings BEFORE they have time to MARINADE and turn you into an OBSESSED MANIAC.

but say the gurl rejects you and then you still have to see her.

i dunno this was just such a weird situation cuz i had been actual friends with her, and it took so long for the feelings to happen. but then after that it only took a few months before it because a horrible god damn obsession.

MW was having what he seemed to describe as phone talks with his female friend almost every day or every other day.  that was really much more communication than i was haivng with my female friend. i was jsut doing some small talk via text with her. nothing substantial.

1115

so yeah it was partially my fault because i should have said something earlier but my god when you are in luv you are SEVERELY, DESPERATELY, DEVASTATINGLY emotionally compromised and mentally compromised. you cant think straight to save your life. you will walk right into a goddamn speeding bus.

i dunno i wish she just showed a bit more RESPONSIBILITY in this RELATIONSHIP. IT TAKES TWO. i screwed up sure but i still…..well she did what she did because she was scared and overwhelmed. so there’s the emotional compromised for her. i was EC because i was in LUV, she was EC because she was OVERWHELMED.

results: i was devastated totally; and she was annoyed and angered and hated me.

i mean i may get friendly with a woman again, but i cant see myself getting those feelings, or really having a connection, or wanting to be with a woman long term ever again. cuz as i become an older loser, i cant see myself getting close to a woman of that high quality again. just stumpy potato shaped single moms with tramp stamps because they are MY AGE, ie, they were young 9000000 years ago when it was cool for women to get tramp stamps. now it just says to the world, i am a 35 year old slut single mom hahhahahahaha.

trying to stay positive. ITS HARD!

men dont NEED women, but they DO need friends.

well i would say that men DO need women on some level. and they DO need friends too.

men and women were designed by nature to be together. maybe even GOD. but you can still be a damn ungrateful atheist fedora dawkins fag and believe that men and women go together naturally. different, but complementary. a man who mgtows or voluntarily goes without women seems to be missing out on an important part of life.

also i dont expect to ever find a woman who is red pill savvy, and i am more than willing to Train and Educate the woman. HOWEVER, that means you got to get to them YOUNG, before they have taken 90000000 cox! you cant teach an old dog (cat?) new tricks! and she was young enough to be taught. she was teachable. coachable. wawawawawawawawawawawaw. ok gotta go to church and beg to GOD for mercy.

women will have secs with guys they dont even know.

they will have OOPS babies with guys they dont even know.

have oops abortions after having unprotected secs with guys they dont even know.

they have NO REGARD FOR HUMAN LIFE and the fact that they have the power to CREATE LIFE.

IT DOESNT MATTER TO THEM.

nawalt nawalt nawalt! some not all!

its just funny. i think whenever any woman has secs, she does it TOO SOON. whenever i had secs or came close to having secs with a woman, i felt it was TOO SOON. and i was THE MAN. and the WOMAN always wanted to have secs SOONER than i did! yet they are the ones CREATING LIFE! they should be more careful and cautious than me!

why do women have secs with men SO FAST? dont they care about the lives they are creating, or coming dangerously close to creating? do they have that little foresight? do they have that little moral qualms about Abortion? are they THAT stupid and immoral?!

yes yes yes!

well i would say, just to build confidence up from being an omega male, go and have secs with any woman who says yes. then kindly inform them afterwards that you have lost a lot respect for them because they have secs with men they dont even know. then tell them you have herpes and aids and you jsut got them preggers and also youre a clingy needy omega male. with no job and you live at home and youre a balding neckbeard. just to show them what happens when you have secs with men you dont even know.

do you look like a POTATO. if so, thats not good. not a good shape to have for your physique. time to Hit The Gym Fatty.  because do you want a woman that looks like a potato? fook no. i am stealing this from “the cleveland show” where donna insults clevelands mom by saying she looks like a potato. there are a lot of people in thsi world who look like a Potato, are Shaped like a potatoe, and its not a good look.

i have gotten more comfortable going to the Gym and sweating buckets on the treadmill like a fat slob, spending 2 hours on the treadmill, going 7 miles, and losing no weight.

http://mentalfloss.com/article/61552/what-vocal-fry

“vocal fry” is a thing leftist journalists write articles about as a way of Old White Men to be Oppressive and Punch Down on the way Women talk, as a way of oppressing women and The Patriarchy Inventing New Ways to Hate Women ahahahaha.

im SORRY i communicated poorly. i accused you of commnicating poorly but i communicated poorly to. the responsibility was on me to say something and i didnt, i just got crazier and crazier and annoyed you more when i should have just come out and said it. i just wish you had treated me better at the end. was it really such a god damn evil thing that i did? was the idea of me having feelings for you that damn disgusting and offensive? couldnt you just say sorry? did our friendship mean anything to you? i know we were on the outs but i really didnt want it to end like such a TRAINWRECK. i communicated like a coward but i didnt want everything to end like that. did i really bring ALL that on myself? part of it yes but not all. i am not entitled to anything from you but i wish you had treated me better.

IM SORRY OK???? i wasnt thinking straight. i had feelings. now this isnt an excuse when someone does something bad like abuse or beat their wife, “i did it bc i luv u!!!!” but i didnt beat or abuse you, at worst i was annoying in not saying something, i dont think thats quite the same level of abuse. i dont think you HAD to react so negatively to this. i wish you had just said AW, IM SORRY, i dont feel the same way, sorry, instead of treating me like a total piece of shit. so i was cowardly. i admit it. i wont be so cowardly in the future. did you HAVE to be so mean?

im sorry i was so cowardly and annoying when you were having tough times with your family. but did this mean you had to stop communicating with me altogether? if you wanted to end the rel, and its clear you did, i really wish you had just told me. ending a relationship without TELLING the other person can really hurt their feelings. damn.

ok enough of my letter hahaha. yeah its HARD to get feelings for women. and once you get feels for one, its HARD to get rid of them, and HARD to transition to a new woman. i mean i LIKE having feels for women…..except when they are unreturned and or leading to grief, which is always.

had a weird dream i was with a male high school friend i havent seen in over 10 years, good guy but i felt i was always wearing a mask or playing a role with him, but he was a good guy and probably became a successful engineer. in the dream i was going along with him to hs friends house where we we going to “smoke some K” and i had no idea what “K” was. it was either “special K” or “ketamine” which was more well known about 10 years ago, or it was PCP, which i think is like ketamine anyway. and i was like jeeez why cant people just smoke weed or drink? i dont want to smoke weed with “K” on it!!!!!! but the implication was, there will be some slutty girls there, and if you smoke PCP, then they will give up that slutty pvssy to you, if you don’t, youre a wimp. I sighed and took one puff of the PCP/K/ whatever. I felt it turned me into a complete idiot, completely incoherent, although I was not nervous or anxious, so that was good. the people were total white trash and I knew both me and my friend could do a lot better than this, we didnt NEED to hang out with white trash just to Get Laid, it wasnt worth it, or to do shitty drugs. why were we even here.  also i did not get any action from the white trash gurls hahahaha.

anyway. im not blameless. i have a lot of issues to work on myself. shit is just painful though, going day by day waiting for your feelings for someone to die. i wonder how long it took MW after the initial 7 years. it sounded like she ended the rel with MW after she fell in luv with this guy, and MW went nuts. hey im not judging. i recently went nuts myself. i am gonna try to double muh dose of SSRIs hahahaha. i quit muh job because i couldnt handle my emotions about a Broken Heart. Granted That Person worked with me 10 feet away, i couldnt escape her, and it was a VERY BAD TRAINWRECK of a dumping, as bad as it gets. maybe she wanted me to quit. she certainly didnt try to get me to come back! i could be fookin DEAD for all she knows! and she doesnt CARE! you dont have to like me, it would be nice if you CARED if your Good Friend was alive or dead! jeeeeez! i will NEVER do this to a person, also i will NEVER let things get to this point again.

anyway i would luv mw to do a follow up to that vid.

woesy
man of the year

dont blame yourself so much woesy! sure you were living in a fantasy world but is that so wrong? you wanted luv! certainly she had actually BEEN IN relationships and should HOPEFULLY be a little more emotionally intelligent as to the feels you are signalling to her! even if she is “NAIVE” to the “obsessive nature of men” etc. its not EITHER OR, ALL OR NOTHING, either she is an evil bitch 100% to blame, or you are a lying coward 100% to blame! WHY NOT BOTH? you could have acted smarter………BUT SO COULDVE SHE!!!!!!!!!!!!! its great that you recognize your role…..but dont FULLY absolve her of HERS!!!!!!

there are bigger fish to fry than mgtow woman hating shit. but i am obsessed about that shit too because of my own personal issues with women: heartbreak and disappointment. HUGE. also i DO like to slut shame because i think being a slut IS shameful! how about KNOWING the guy who is showering your eggs with sperm?

to paraphrase the QT Reactionary Gurl “The Truth Will Live” who i am sorta woman hating towards because she has too much attention from us lonely reactionary men, and she’s a j00, but she expressed the simple point that its terrible that sex has been made more abotu recreation than procreation. hardly the first person to say that, but thats exactly whats happening, and i’m making the same point when i say: WOMEN, DONT FORGET YOU CAN GET PREGNANT. AND GETTING PREGNANT IS A HUGE DEAL.

cuz when women have casual sex, it sends the message that they DONT care they can get pregnant!

also i get a lot more woman hating seeming when i dont have any female friends. having a female friend really PROVES to MYSELF that i am not a huge woman hater, that i can relate to women as human beings. this is hard to do when i have NO female friends anymore. which is why i need to have at least TWO female friends at all times, in case one GOES DOWN IN FLAMES.

it has been….4 months (120 days?) since The End, and about 3 months (90 days) since i Initiated Contact (with the final email, and received no response) and i feel……well still a ball of emotionz but slowly getting over it. the no contact helps you get over it. if i were to contact her now, i wouldnt go back to square one, but i would definitely lose a few WEEKS or so. just not worth it. and what am i gonna do? Apologize again? every time i contacted her i was apologizing and groveling like a bitch. apologizing just did nothing. well because i proved i wasnt really sorrry because i kept bugging her. because i really wanted to talk. yeah i get it, i should have blurted it out, i was wrong in not blurting it out. but i wish she could have agreed to hang out with me once in ten months, or respond to my damn first email, or just been kinder and gentler to me at the end. kind and gentle rejections are hard enough for me; mean and nasty trainwreck rejections are ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATING.