THE DOXXENING

jan 11

basically it all boils down to:

DO THEY REGRET IT (Their degeneracy) ????

HAVE THEY CHANGED?

and thats all folks! very simple! Do they regret it, and have they changed. the end. and a woman whos only had one or two casual partners will regret it and change a lot more than a woman who has had 40 casual partners will have a Road To Damascus moment.

when you regret and change, you USUALLY do that EARLY in the “pattern.” it doesn’t become a pattern. its one and done.

YOU ONLY NEED ONE TO LEARN YOUR LESSON.

There was a great thread on TRS about this recently: how much past degeneracy is too much, and some of us have been degen, so we dont want to be huge hypocrites, and yes it is a fallen world, and yes our waifus will have a history……..

………but how much is too much?

and they came to basically the same conclusions I did above. can’t copy the thread because i would get banned hahahaha.

i mean, you can’t learn and change if you don’t regret something. and WANT to change. you wouldnt WANT or TRY to change if you DIDNT regret being a disgusting whore.

met attractive young woman in nearby department……but she is a damn ARAB. one of those fairly good-looking arab women. i mean not a 9/10 or anything, but def bangable for the desperate hahaha. but what if she was really really NICE and LOYAL to me and wanted to Date me? i mean when a woman does those things for you……i imagine it would be pretty persuasive. i have always wanted a woman who was willing to Go To Bat for me and not Leave Me In The Lurch hahahaha. willing to make a sacrifice for me. get some damn skin in the game. actually GIVE something. MAKE AN EFFORT. it does mean a lot.

So, do not get close to the arab gurl. very simple hahaha. find a nice huhwhyte gurl to get close to. easier said than done hahaha.

so many arabs. the 18, 20 year old kids are all damn arabs. scary. demographic replacement. and i want to be PARTICIPATING in my own replacement??!?!?!?!?! FOOK THAT SHIT!!!!!

14 WORDS!!!!!

so yeah im not worried about that. well i am more worried about never making enough money to have a wife and children.

i mean there will ALWAYS be dirty sluts to fook. pump and dump. if i never find a good waifu and have children, i would at least like to pump and dump degenerate sluts some of the time.

good comments here, everyone sees that george has despair and needs to go see a docker, but he is SO STUBBORN. i know how it is, i was the same exact way, REFUSED to see a doctor unti I was 25. he just refused for about 5 or 6 more years hahahahaha.

I can’t say it REALLY helped me, but it probably helped me a LITTLE, and it definitely didnt HURT me.  i was like fook this shit, i am willing to GAMBLE on drugs. give me some damn drugs already, im ALREADY permanently fooked up, i am willing to gamble, if this has ANY chance of helping me. and i think it did help a little. so it was worth it.

also curious why he wont try MJ. i mean that might not help him. its fair if he doesnt really like it. shit I dont really like it, if i have too MUCH of it, or I am AROUND people. I have to be by MYSELF, and preferably in complete isolation. hard to find the privacy needed to enjoy it. very hard.

alt lite sl00t lauren southern makes a video supporting millennial woes, thats kinda big, i thought they would condemn him for being a horrible racist.

MW himself appears in the comments

yeah im thinking he’s not gonna disappear forever.

dont show your damn tits so much ya damn n>5 sl00t hahahahaha. hey im just going through an anti women PHASE for the next 3 months, it’s only temporary, its only a PHASE.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

have some god damn sexual morality.

you know who DOESNT have sexual morality?

(((((((((((((( YOU KNOW WHO. ))))))))))))))

and the hwytes theyve poisoned of course.

REGRET YOUR MISTAKES. FEEL ASHAMED OF THEM, THEN CHANGE YOURSELF FOR THE BETTER. DONT DO THOSE SHITTY THINGS ANY MORE. AND DONT DO THE SHITTY THING 600000000000000 TIMES BEFORE YOU START TO FEEL BAD ABOUT IT. STOP SUCKING AND FOOKING SO MANY GUYS. DONT YOU THINK ITS GROSS HOW YOU HAVE GOD DAMN HERPES???!!?!?!??!!!! THATS NATURE TELLING YOU WHAT YOURE DOING IS DISGUSTNG AND WRONG!!!!!

heh. i just dont know how women can have secs with strangers. even IF theyve been brainwashed by schlomo. well theres peer pressure too. all their friends are doing it. and then college. i mean theyre already sluts in high school. this is why we homeschool hahaha.

ok women 2015 and 2012 went to degen public high schools and did not become sluts. so. theres that.

heh. i still want her. i mean i KNOW i can live without her, but i still want to hang out with her, dont care about hanging out with other women. but i dont KNOW any other women.

and if i cant get any women then i would like ot have some MJ.

but yeah i would totally bang the shit out of lauren southern, i am not above that whatsoever. just really manhandle that body. get real MANHANDSY.

heh. i wish high school had a military class, to get you psyched up to join the military when you were 18, so you did like PRACTICE military when you were 16, so boot camp wouldnt be so rough when you were 18.

well theres boy scouts. i should have done this but i was not a joiner. i thought the boy scouts were phaggots. i thought EVERYONE was phaggots. i had an even WORSE attitude than i had now! at least now i respect SOME authority! and actively reject degeneracy! well, some degeneracy. i still want to do MJ. but i KNOW its degen!

HOLY SHIT 7TH SON WAS DOXED!!!!!!!!

well i guess its not being spread as far and wide as i would expect

this only happened 4 or 5 days ago. holy shit. 7th son, full name, home address, family. holy shit this is ridiculous. also found a thing with ghoul’s real name, address, really personal stuff about his family.

i dont even get it. not even sure marxist antifa were behind this. something to do with something said on red ice? holy shit this is absolutely ridiuclous. wifes name, pictures of the kids, these SAVAGES.

Well 7th son is handling it as best as a man possibly could, just laughing about it, “owning it”, even posting a few pictures himself. i will prob never understand the Forum Drama that led to this. but i do wonder what 7th son’s fatal flaw was. how did they piece it all together. i mean i did see the livestream screenshot from last year in there. maybe that was what did it. and he is a musician in normie life so there are pictures of normie him.

just fookin crazy tho. but if hes not worried i’m not worried. he has been posting since the dox.

i mean shit at this rate k1ke enoch will prob get doxed. its just a matter of time. i hope he is preparing himself. im sure he is, he’s a smart guy.

i just dont want anyone’s career to suffer, or their families to suffer, to have people harrassing wives and children. but really. a couple of phaggy sjw’s protesting outside 7S’s house? his CHILDREN could beat their asses!!!!!!!!!

but yeah 7thS i am most concerned about, because he’s older and has children. he is even somewhat older than me hahahahahahaha. but not by a lot hahahaa. but he’s got a great attitude about it all. good for him.

shit what if i got doxed and fired from my 13k a year job hahahahaha.

jan 12

UNCLE BERN does a video on MILLENNIAL WOES, first time i think Bern has mentioned MW.  Come on Uncle Bern. Join the TRVE Alt-Right. Take the J Pill!!!!!

its great when you get rejected for an 13k a year part time job FOUR MONTHS after you first apply, AND they REPOST the position the SAME DAY. that’s saying we didnt find anyone in 4 months good enough for this 13k job, AND you’re not allow to apply again, we’re not interested in you, otherwise we would have called you for an interview.

i would have been a little more annoyed if i didnt already have the current job. which is a similar 13k a year job with the same large org.

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2017/01/09/a-white-hot-fire-rises/

i have been reading heartiste for OVER TEN YEARS and he/they were always friendly to hwytes, and now that alt right and pro-hwyte is getting big, i am glad he continues to be very friendly to it, and see tons of 1433 in the comments.

wimmin tech ceo ladyboss leaning in with her professional advice

yep middle amerikkka racist workin class hwytes like me and MY PEOPLE vote against our interests because we DONT WANT TO SEE BROWN PEOPLE THRIVE.

what a jooish thing to say, amirite? what a fookin race traitor hahahahaha. bet her one kid grows up to be a phag druggie loser bipolar biracial trannie hahahahaha

i would be great at doxing people, i was talking to a “customer” today who is a really great guy, just a really great guy, and we share some interest in…..europeans and i should try to convert him to VVN hahahahaha. i found where he lives just using google and some things i knew about him from talking to him. this is what happens when your name is on the internet hahaha. he is totally doxed, it doesnt matter, he interacts with a ton of people and uses his real name. MOST people dont even know what doxing is because they have no reason to use a fake name ever!

but yeah this guy is so great i have to take some time to really let it sink in. getting a mancrush on this 70 year old man hahahaha. he has a masters degree but is super down to earth. well, so are all the people i work newjob with. they all have masters degrees and are very down to earth. i would try to be the same way if i had a masterz degree hahaha.

but yeah lets just say this guy is RIGHT in my demographic wheelhouse and if he were a 20 year old woman, i would marry him hahahaha.

heh. now that hwyte is KEWL again, and whyte men are KEWL again, and whyte gurls like whyte guys again, i wont be able to compete with the fresh crop of new young secsy whyte guys! why go for a 30+ year old neet loser VVN when you can go for a 20 year old alpha chad VVN who has tons of potential for a good career? i cant blame these women for picking superior men!

ok ok settle down

welp at this point more people are doxed than undoxed. seriously. except for….mike enoch. and…….i dunno. the “small time” podcast guys on TRS no one has heard about like the fatherland guys or fash the nation.

i dont want to be doxed probably just as much because of me whining about my pathetic virgin neet loserness, that is a lot more humiliating and embarrassing then me saying 1433 hywytes are awesome HOLY FOOK I LUV BEING HWYTE

holy-fook-i-love-being-white

i honestly do fam, it’s not complicated at all, thats all there is to it. but being hwyte is the best thing about me. really i am quite a low quality hwyte and can’t seem to pull myself out of it. i guess i have been low quality since…2002 or so. didnt really start CARING abotu that till 08 or 09.

i mean i wasnt HAPPY about it from 02 to 08 either, i was just drinkin tons and smokin tons to distract and numb and block out and stupefy and escape. i wasnt a happy go lucky degenerate. not a true full blown hedonist. because then i would have been 100% enjoying myself. but i wasn’t. i knew deep down what i was doing was WRONG. i was ashamed. so escape the shame by doing more shameful drinking.

met a black african from africa today with a phd in math. i still can’t even. why is he not making 300k a year with some…..i dunno , business, finance, research, analytics? instead he is teaching, not even high profile jobs, not even doing respectable research, he prob doesn’t like teaching, and his students definitely dont like HIM, and think he’s a bad teacher! god damn! how can you fook up a phd in MATH?

i’m sure he’s smart enough to have a good upper middle class job. this isnt even about him being a black african. it’s about him having a PHD in MATH and making less than 50k a year. period. that tells me that phd in math isnt a much of a magic bullet, write your own ticket sort of degree.

you still gotta have CHARISMA. and god bless him, he didn’t seem to have much of that. CHARISMA is really the most important thing in life. Charisma and hard work, even better.

and i never had either. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

call the waaaaaamberlamps hahahahaha.

but yeah if you have a grad degree AND charisma, you’ll prob do well. the guys i work with who have grad degrees, they also have charisma as well. they are pleasant to talk to, nice people, good people, good talkers, can hold a conversation. they are also fairly hard workers. they have been justly rewarded with good careers, good middle class lives, white wives, and white children. thank god. each man has MORE than two white children. fookin AWESOME. they didnt marry g00ks, and they picked good women who didnt dump them, and they live good, admirable lives. but i don’t think their masters degrees would have gotten them as far if they weren’t as charismatic. as CHARMING. the one guys wife is not ugly. havent seen the other guys wife, but i know she is first gen european. and not from a nonwhite euro country like albania or finland HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

no jk i luv the finns. i dont mean to compare them to the albs in any way.

this isnt like when they used to say irish and poles arent white. NOBODY says the albanians are white. NOBODY REALLY said poles werent white.

now i know in UK they dont like poles. play the EJ00 for that, dont blame poles. no more D&C, no more brother wars hahahaha.

so. what do you if you get doxed…..and no one really cares? seventh son got doxed and i had to make a concerted effort to even find the info. its not big on twitter or /r/altright or youtube. no one even really knows or cares who SS is! I mean I think he’s great. Theres a great example of GR8 CHARISMA. That guy is a CHARMER. That guy knows how to talk to people. I think he would be GREAT to socialize with.

but its totally different than the MW doxing. that is big news. all over the news and youtube. people who never spoke of MW are now speaking positively of him. people who never heard of him are now checking him out. absolutely none of that with SS. i guess this partially explains why he’s taking it very well, but i was kinda hoping for 6 million white normies to view TRS and say, yep i like this.

and i am super disgusted that, unlike with MW, the people that doxed SS aren’t even antifa, they are just edgy nihilist neet virgin forum geeks who will put FORUM DRAMA ahead of their own RACE. i literally cant even. there might even be a few who believe TRS is j00 shills. like if nutcases like sinead were good at computerz and doxing. like a god damn 50 foot baby with a flamethrower.  this is the absolute worst kind of punching to the right there is. this is absolute treason. even a child knows that doxing is wrong. unless you totally have a screw loose. there are other ways to prank somebody than doxing.

but if seventh son keeps calling himself seventh son or sven, and all of his fans keep calling him that, i mean we don’t even CARE what his real name is. to me and i’m sure to many others, he’ll always be 7th son, and MW will always be MW. no need for us to even SAY their real names. If I ever contacted them I would still address them as SS or MW unless they made a big announcement about wanting people to call them by their doxed normie name.

just like im sure people will still use guy fieri or vince vaughn pictures to make seventh son memes, even though his real face is out there.

but yeah if mike enoch lasts another 6 months undoxed i will be shocked. im sure he is preparing. well, i think he PROB has better opsec than SS.

really im just worried about ME getting doxed hahahaha. i mean i have no marketable skills that employers would say, meh we dont care if hes a NOTSEE, none of our clients care, and he’ll make us money.

FINALLY, i’ve been waiting a long time for a decent hand

2017-01-12-19_44_59-turmeric-0-02_0-04-no-limit-holdem-replay-14137137

and with my luck, i would lose with AA. and he had a damn good hand too. the second best hehehehe. i went all in with like 3 and won the pot of 6.09. so my stack was 6.09 after the win. not 12.18 hehehehe.

heh. i dont even want my poker name to be doxxed hehehe. and thats nowhere close to my real name and i dont even use it anywhere else.

but yeah the 8ch vs TRS thing, somebody said it was almost like the neet sperg virgins against the normie chads. beta uprising against the bully chads who just werent as nerdy on the computarz. and when you have that much omega butthurt, you dont care about lashing out and hurting people of your race. you just want to get revenge on the popular guys who get the gurlz. i would mention columbine but i dont even think those guys were lonely for waifus, i think they were just nihilist psychopath sociopaths, the type who like torturing animals.

now i’m SURE the g00k virgins like virginia tech and elliot rodger, yeah they hated and envied whytes, because they wanted to BE whyte so they could get whyte gurls. see the elliot rodger manifesto, which is nowhere NEAR as good as the breivik manifesto hahaha.

i come from an older generation where we were kids in the 90s and we were so nihilistic, we used to worship serial killers and marilyn manson. serial killers were automatically cool because they were crazy and sadistic and K’d people. we wouldn’t have bother makign a distinction between cho and rodger other than cho was Moar Badass because he had a higher Body Count. and evaluating the manifestos on their own merit was unheard of, a waste of time that could be better used playing vidya or beating off to pron or smokin MJ. Like I say, horrifying depths of degeneracy. but I’m ashamed of it, i regret it, and I never want to go back to it. i’ve repented and learned my lesson and never got that bad again.

but i still want to sm0ke mj hehe.

but i DONT want to look at porn, and i certainly dont want to glorify crazy nihilistic serial K’ers!!!!! Nowadays I glorify things that are WORTH being glorified: beauty, truth, morality, virtue, honesty, hard work, honestly, charisma, confidence, 14 words, folk, family, faith, blood and soil, honor, being a man of your word, doing the right thing. did i miss anything. prudence. temperance. moderation. self-control. stoicism. tradition. being a good husband and father. heritage. strength. perseverance. resilience. toughness. being a true blue cobber. bantzing cvnts and seppos with some ripper belter qualityposting.

all that shit. i got muh priorities straight at least hahahaha.

http://usa.polishhearts.com/en/

no need for degeneracy like tinder hehehehe

jan 13

heh i just dnated 6.16 to trs to show solidarity to sven getting doxed, and also to prove that i am not a infiltrator on the 504umz, cuz i never actually post there, and lurking looks suspicious.

You sent $6.16 USD to redacted
YOUR NOTE TO redacted

Hail Sven! Sorry about the insultingly tiny d’nation, but I already d’nate every week on LiberaPay, haha. Just wanted to score Good Boi Points for my forum persona @redacted so you know I’m not a damn traitor like the swine who doxxed you. (Plz don’t dox my normie name thx :DDDDDD) What those filthy animals did is absolutely disgusting, and I am sorry you and your family have to deal with that. I admire that you are dealing with it as well as a right true blue cobber can. It’s also comforting knowing that your young children could easily beat the shit out of the types of sissy, pantywaste antifa that would ever want to harass you IRL. I guarantee they are going after Mike E next, so hope he is planning accordingly. Anyway, keep up the great work, TRS is the greatest pro-hwyte organization in the past 70 years or so, haha. HAIL VICTORY! – redacted

heh. mainly it is to remove suspicion from me being a LURKER on the forums, since that makes it look like you are an infiltrator gaining intelligence, copying private shit, sending screenshots to enemies and doxers, etc. its easily the most exclusive, hard to get into forum ive ever been a part of hahahahaha.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/friends-partners-possible-0

i think ive linked this before but i get a newsletter from them every friday and this showed up innit.

they say to KYS you lyng traitor niceguy betrayer abuser, waiting in the wings, ulterior motives, entitled, false pretenses, whole friendship was built on a scheming jooish manipulating lie, hahahahaha.

no, hahahaha, they say NOTHING VENTURED, NOTHING GAINED, and to talk to the person about it. see i was RIGHT ahhaahahaha.

I WAS RIGHT. hahahaha. this is why you want a damn court of relship law. because you want to be proven RIGHT because you are being accused of being WRONG.

esp when right or wrong makes no difference in fixing the rel.

if you’re gonna be heartbroken REGARDLESS, you might as well be RIGHT. 

truer, wiser words were never spoken.

heh. i hope sven does not think i am a jooish infiltrator who is scheming to gain his trust by making a dnation. if i were REALLY a good goy i’d give a HUGE dnation. well what if i were a rich J hellbent on destroying TRS, and then giving them a HUGE dnation in bad faith. jeez.

well he or one of his goons can email me if they want to vet me.

grace kelly had series of affairs with married men before she married prince ranier at age 26? DEGENERATE. Supposedly it caused her guilt with her catholic upbringing.

WELL IT OBVIOUSLY DIDNT CAUSE ENOUGH GUILT OR SHAME OR REGRET, OTHERWISE SHE WOULDNT HAVE DONE IT MORE THAN ONCE.

my point is, all those wholesome (((((((entertainment celebrities )))))))) of the 1950s were STILL degenerates, even the goys. when you think of the 50s as a Much Better Time.  well in general yes it prob was, but not in ((((hollywood)))))

THERE ARE BETTER WAYS to figure out if you’d be “okay” with your friend secsually than having surprise secs with them and then avoiding talking about the complicated situation ever. how about you take some time, think about it deeply, talk to the person at length about it. not avoid them, then dart in, fook them, dart out, ocntinue avoiding, get his hopes up, then inevitably break his heart now that he’s totally all in, then you say nope sorry i fold. for decent women, the fooking means that they are going all in too. not that they are gonna fold immediaetly after. that is against the rules and should incur a fee.  give me certificates for 100 moar fooks, and buy me an ounce of MJ at least. AND MOVE THE FOOK OUT OF MUH HOUSE. STOP BEING MY ROOMMATE. HOLY SHIT. SHE LIVES WITH THE GUY AS a platonic friend roomate and THIS is how shes handling it. and he says uhhhh maybe i’m a little too old (25) to not know how to deal with this. and THIS is how she, the same age, is handling it!!!!! what a dumb bitch!!!!!!

heh. i like that /relships now keeps scores hidden for a while. why did they not do this before. because all the WOMEN who read that, all they do is PILE ON, and this might mitigate that.

these bitches are so willing to fook but they wont communicate. just because you squirt sperm in their body and make a new life doesnt mean they’re letting down their wall enough to actually talk to you about Your Relationship and How You Feel About Each Other.

you shouldn’t let someone squirt sperm in you and possibly create a new human being unless you’re willing to talk about all that, ya dumb B!!!!

he needs to find a better woman to have feelings for. she doesnt deserve him.

this could possibly also be a top 5% post and go in the best of list.

communication has NEVER been easy, but secs should NEVER be easier than Communication. You Know Who made it this way!

so yeah that bothers me:::

if having SECS is easier than COMMUNICATING, then WHAT ELSE is easier than communicating?

cheating on you? murdering your baby? fooking blacks? having casual secs with more than 10 people? coldly shooting someone in the head who is begging you to spare their life? (thinking “millers crossing” if the john turturro char were not a sneaky traitor joo, and did not deserve to die. most underrated COHEN brothers movie ever.) god damn.

TRVMP said buzzfeed is a “PILE OF GARBAGE.” He is absolutely right. I did a FIST PUMP when he said that.

heh. slept VERY soundly last night. went to bed little late, like 1 am, slept soundly till like 830 am, thought I would just stay up, but fell back asleep SOUNDLY until like 10:30 am, and i never sleep past 10 at the LATEST. because then you look like a REALLY lazy neet loser. but i felt i could have slept another hour. then had day off today, and literally almost fell asleep around 3 pm. i couldnt keep my eyes open. then ate dinner and took a benedryl in anticipation of sleeping moar tonight. and here i am.

so varg says its best to build your home out of stone. he talks a lot of shit but one thing i do trust him on is living off the grid and how to do shit like around the house and car and farming and family and shit like that. but i dont trust what he says about christians and the alt right hahahaha.

anyway i agree, you want some LAND in the country, and to build a home that lasts 100 years. doesnt fall apart, stays warm in the winter, and i guess stone is good for all this. is brick stone? is a chicken a bird?

THE JUICE AINT WORTH THE SQUEEZE hahahaha gotta start using that one more often.

wonder if MW got kicked off patreon yet….prob happen soon. before feb hhahahahha. nope he’s still on there.

 

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WHY CANT MORE WOMEN THINK SLVTTISHNESS IS AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT GROSS

jan 5 new current year

just getting ready for the day. 656 am. i could PROBABLY sleep in an extra 15 minutes. maybe i will eventually do that. but i like having this buffer of time to write a few sentences, check email, and, of course, go make explosive coffee water #2’s like i am about to do right now.

ok did that. i mean its really quick.

anyway yeah my main issue now, and i didnt really have this at the previous job because that job was so stressful and packed that we really never had a chance to talk about anything not job related, we were all just trying to survive day to day. but now that the pace is a little slower THANK GOD, i am pressuring myself to be more social and charismatic and normie.

i mean i will take this new problem ANY DAY over what I faced before. im not complaining haahahha. well i kind of am. but never forget, that in comparison, it is not even 1% as bad altogether. i get a 99% reduction in stress and panic and thats The End Of The Story.

spent like an hour responding to a Support Ticket today that in my previous job, would have been expected to knock out in 20, or better 10 minutes. it doesnt matter if you dont know the answer. find the answer and answer it within 10 minutes. I laboriously wrote an email like the sloth. included Too Much Information and Misinformation. and I probably didnt even need to do ANYTHING, because someone else would be in in the afternoon that knew a lot more about the topic. an SME. but i was determined to Do Something and Add Value and figure out how to use the ticket system better. So I took a shot at it and hopefully superiors say good for him to try this, rather than, oh shit what a stupid fookup, i wish we could fire him, but he’s in the union grrrrrr. he totally did this wrong. gave the person bad advice, poorly written, and used the program in more wrong ways than we could imagine hehehehe.

anyway i did ok i guess. give myself a little more crrrrredit hahaha. had a paltry two customers in today and tried to act like a nice normie to them. painfully awkward small talk. jeez. for a while, i used to be GOOD at this. at my previous job. after i talked to people ALL DARN DAY i got pretty good at small talk. wish the learning curve wasnt that rough. because i cant handle talking to people ALL DARN DAY….well, when its complicated complex shit. and what im doing now is nowhere near as complex. it can get complex, but there are SEVERAL SME’s with Masters Degrees just waiting to Yank the Case from me. Aint No Need to BEG like I did before!

the beotch in the comments is half good and half bad. she says that she is automatically suspicious of anyone who talks of a BEST friend who is opposite sexs,usu means you are in luv with them. i would tend to agree! i guess you can have normal acquaintance friends of the opposite secx, but once you upgrade them to BEST friends or really really really close top tier friends….you are at big risk of getting FEELINGS for them. because of the INTIMACY.

i hate how wimmin dont think SEX is INTIMATE. god damn fooking SAVAGES.

well at least got under in calories today.

would LUV some MJ hahahaha.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=small%20talk%20for%20socially%20awkward%20people

i dont HATE small talk. i totally understand the idea of and why small talk is important. i would like to be able to DO small talk! any stupid autist who says small talk is retarded…..well thats a very immature and stupid thing to say. small talk is the basis of everything. big talk. relationships. success. friends. luvers. showing that you have charisma and confidence and that you are a smart cool charming person and worth hanging out with. or you can faily miserably and show what a boring, awkward, desperate, pathetic omega neet virgin you are hahahahahaha. this is all accomplished on the battlefield of small talk. small talk is ridiculously important and big hahahaha. i totally get that.

so yeah i luv the idea of small talk. i hate trying to do it and failing at something so important.

well this job will def be another big step in getting over that woman. makes it more and more distant. but damn i wish i hadnt been so pathetic and stupid and Creepy. wish id been stronger and cooler and not so desperate and needy and clingy.

so apparently you cant just walk into a store and buy MJ in california nao.

i guess i could tell people that i am interested in Relships and read Relship Advice stories a lot. because I honestly DO! this is kinda weird but its prob my most normie interest. i mean, cant talk to people about WN1488, Alt Right, or Black Metal. talking about RELSHIPS sounds completely reasonable and normie next to all that. and I could work in some spin on how casual secs is degenerate and sinful and disgusting.

women can be awkward and it doesnt hurt them, they can still gets jobs and relships. men and women are probably about equally socially awkward, but theres DISPARATE IMPACT on the men.

anyway. re that woman. yeah now that i think about it, a series of long conversations probably wouldnt have done much good. what WOULD have done some good is me making a BRIEF statement EARLY, like: yep i’m starting to act weird and want to hang out all the time becuase i’m starting to get feelings for you. This is getting hard for me to deal with and I don’t mean to Ghost you, but just do me a solid and give me some time and space, because I dont think you feel the same way, and I need some space to get over my feelings for you. Sorry. Best Wishes in life. You are a good person and I don’t mean to dump you. But this is hard for me and it needs a lot of effort from me. Think of a time when you got feelings for a guy friend and he didn’t return them. It was challenging, wasn’t it. The end.”

even that’s a little too long. and then if she did have feelings, she could respond to that. hahahahaha. so yeah. clearly she thought i was the entitled nice guy and was dreading the dreadful conversation where i tried to BEG her to be with me and tell her why she was WRONG when she said she didnt want me. and she didnt want to put up with that.

i mean i was already BEGGING her to respond. why wouldnt i BEG her to reconsider or change her mind or pleeeeease luvvvvv me back. the torture of hours of me begging.

yeah well i didnt even get a chance. thats the point. maybe i would have been mature about it. but desperate luv compromises your maturity. shit.

but yeah. i coulda and SHOULD HAVE finished all this with one SHORT email in december 2014. rip the bandaid off. sorry babe but I like like you. i obv need to get over that because you dont return the feelings. so i have to take a break from this friendship. i dont want to leave you in the lurch so let me know if i can pay an early termination fee or something. reddit said this can hurt for the friend to get friend dumped, so tell me what i can do to make this easier for you. though i promise you its a LOT harder for ME hahahahahahaha because my heart is utterly broken now and I might fall off the wagon and start doing heron again and K myself hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha jk.

why would i even LOOK at tinder. its full of sluts who think casual sex is OK. fundamental incompatibility of Core Moral Values.

i want to meet women who think sluts are gross and being a slut is gross. i want to meet women who JUDGE sluts. negatively.

WHY DONT MORE PEOPLE JUDGE SLUTS NEGATIVELY. WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE THINK SLUTTISHNESS IS OK. DAMN. WHY CANT MORE PEOPLE, ESP WOMEN, JUST THINK ITS AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT GROSS.

and why are these damn sluts such successful ADULTS. good normie ADULTS. good at college, good at career, people dont think theyre WEIRD, they LEARN shit and UNDERSTAND shit and can EXPLAIN shit. really get deep into blooms taxonomy of learning hahahaha. learn something deeply. you dont learn something until you can teach it to someone else. those who can’t do, teach HAHAHAHAHAHA.

some people say, dont do a masters degree unless you’re passionate and absolutely sure about it. dont half ass it, or use it as a stopgap because you dont know what else to do, you will waste too much money for too little return.

i tend to like this school of thought.

but then there the other side, which is like, we all need to pay our dues and do things that are tough and expensive and struggle in the medium term of 4 years or so, so things pay off 5, 10 years later. the day comes where you put away your childish toys, put on your big boy pants, and accept that you have to go to work for a living, and spent 80% of your waking hours doing things you dont really WANT to do, that you arent really PASSIONATE about, so you might as well maximize this by doing something that will pay off in the long run.

well, i had enough trouble going to college in a state of welp, i dont know what to do, but i got good grades in high school and i’m expected to go to college. so just pay your dues, get the extremely expensive piece of paper, and then you’ll be set.

but that was all lies hahahaha. so now the goalposts are moved? and i should go into GRADUATE school with the same mindset?

yeah but its a lot different getting into grad school than getting into undergrad. i did great in high school and got into a good undergrad without really much effort or maturity or planning. i did completely average in undergrad and could not see myself getting into an above average grad school without totally busting my ass in a go-getting, gung-ho, high-energy way that i have NEVER been.

and it doesnt seem WORF IT to pay shitloads of money to go to an average or below-average grad program, just to treat it as College 2.0 for when College is the New High School and Grad School is the new College and i hate the whole scam system anyway!

but in life you gotta SUCK IT UP and DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO!

and why dont NORMIES have such a god damn internal conflict about it? they just go ahead and work hard and GIT R DONE.

heh. i wish i had a Career Coach ever since I was 16, staying on my ass and saying you need to do this, you need to do that.

now some people, their families do that. the chinee high expectations father. you can become doctor or engineer. get your masters degree or youre out of the family. i didnt have that at all, i was SPOILED.

cuz i didnt WANT to do anything. i needed to be trained with the carrot and the stick. left to my own devices in College, i totally went astray. a strong guiding hand, a foot being put down, that prob would have helped me in the long run. classic first world problems of being first in the fam to go to college hehehe. and of course i didnt appreciate that privilege at all. damn.

if i had to go to college, should have gone to local uni and stayed at home so the fam could have kept me in line, from doing stupid shit like MJ and alcohol.

but i still did MJ and alcohol when i was at home! i just hid it really well. i either would have gotten a DUI much earlier (which prob would have been GOOD), and probably did a bit less MJ, which DEF would have been good. definitely would have seen less of those crazy women doing crazy shit, which would have been good.

i dunno. alternate realities and what ifs and all that. i mean i still went crazy over women when being at home.

but yeah. ive never liked SCHOOL, and ive never liked WORK, and doing EITHER is PULLING TEETH.

See those normies? GOALS.

Goals are important. Goals are A Thing. See what happens when you have goals? You should have goals. Get Goals. Goals. Just Achieve Them.

all of education is fooked up. from grade school to grad school. serious fundamental problems with ALL of it.

heh. there should be homeschool grad school.

but you dont NEED grad school!!!!

well grad school is just perfect for some people! they are total grad school nerds! they clearly belong there!

i couldnt see myself getting in just because i couldnt see myself getting convincing recommendations and statement of intent. uhhh i want to get into grad school because i cant get a 26k FT job with a bachelors degree, so i’m really just treating this as high school 3.0. i fookin hate school but this is the bare minimum for being lower middle class in 2000s.

I would MUCH RATHER Just Work A Job. An Entry Level, 25k a year job, than go to god damn grad school. not that i have a good shot at getting into grad school ANYWAY! I have a better chance at getting the 25k a year job! and weve seen how fooking ridiculously godforsakenly hard THAT is! maybe it IS easier getting into a masters degree at a shitty noname school! MBA at phoenix!

yeah but i dont WANT to do an MBA, i would rather do a masters in relationship and despair counseling. which is an inherently useless degree! catch 22 here. quite the dilemma. and i dont want to be a social worker working with welfare blacks for a contractor with the city of oakland or the city of ferguson or something.

although its funny. today one of my “customers” was a black guy with an mba and I tried to make small talk with him. he was much better at it than me, but i am at least trying to be nice folks, i swear. but i cant talk about sports or anything. i cant tell this black guy that i am a trump supporting hwyte nationalist racist hahahaha. i nervously mentioned my interest in “news and current events”, which is FAIR…..BUT WHAT IF PEOPLE TAKE THAT BAIT and try to get you talking about TRVMP??????

well shit, this guy could actually BE a trump supporter, he seems to be a rather moderate, conservative, white acting, oreo black. almost like he is now overcompensating to not talk like a black, he is very well spoken, great speaking voice. he even made jokes about the HR diversity sensitivity training we had to do about trannies and shit hahahahahaha. i laughed and said yeah I hear ya man. well we didnt talk specifically about trannies. or have a frank conversation on race hahahahahaha.

see i dont hate blacks hahahaha. i just had an awkward conversation with a grad school educated black man hahahaha.

also all these people have experience giving lectures and discussions in front of groups of people. they have done that hundreds of times. there is no possible argument that this is not a GREAT life skill.

i would be dropping the spaghetti all over the place. oh now im the TEACHER and my STUDENTS are gonna think im an IDIOT. i never wanted to be a teacher but now i want to be a teacher even LESS, hahahahaha.

shit i can barely be a STUDENT. I can barely be a 13k a year EMPLOYEE. I cant even be a bare minimum ADULT. hahahahaha. I fooked up on easy mode, cant even deal with NORMIE MODE, hahahahaha.

funny all this goddamn self doubt even though now i am damn WORKING and that is an INFINITE improvement over where i was 2 months ago. why not just be happy about that.

went all in with AA, guy beat me with full house. sheeeeeeit.

heh. wonder what that woman is doing with her life right now. i know she got a job similar to what we were doing. probably making similar or more money, maybe higher up, def lots of hours, def lot more money than me, def making literally TWICE the money I am making. well shell have plenty of money to spend on her black bastard then hahahahahahahahahahahaha wawawawawawawawawawawa im so sad and lonely and want her back and will never get over her, muh perfect waifu hhahahahaha.

yeah i am playing things up a bit. but for a long time thats how bad it was. bad shit. wouldnt wish on worst enemy.

i guess its worse when i am working alongside 20 year old kids and they are all going to college, yup working on muh engin degree or nursing degree or HR degree, and then they graduate and get a 28k a year job, while you remain at the kid student job. at least here i dont have any young kids beside me being a constant reminder of what an old failure i am hahahahahahaha.

WHAT GOOD DOES IT DO ME?

dec 3

https://www.youtube dot com/watch?v=C2hOJR0hIBY

this “woman” looks like a man, and should not be wearing something so unflattering, and looks part nonwhite, BUT she is appearing on redice, who are Legit Vetted Good Goys and worthy of support, talking about the evils and degeneracy of Jooish Pornography, so thats pretty cool. i just saw this, have not listened yet.

but with a great name like “PORNOGRAPHY: WEAPONIZED DEGENERACY” I got a DOUBLE BONER and downloaded it IMMEDIATELY for listening very soon on a powerwalk! they just should not have put “her” wearing that in the thumbnail. jeez she is so ugly in that picture it undermines all of our credibility hahahahaha. still anything about PORNOGRAPHY: WEAPONIZED DEGENERACY HAS to be a good talk, good lesson, good message.

 

really you should listen to the three hour mix three times a day hahahahahahaha

when we were young, once in a great while we would find a song that was so mind blowingly awesome that we made a “mix cd” of that one song on repeat for 74 minutes.  this one would definitely qualify! although I was not aware of it at that time unfort. Oh I knew about the movie but had no interest in it and had no knowledge of the music.

here is one of those songs hehehe. for some reason we gravitated to ridiculous 80s style “cock rock.”

i am shilling for red ice today. now i dont like how this guest woman dresses like a HOOKER with the eye makeup and earrings and showing the tits, but uh i will try to listen to this one as well. but yeah even though henrik and lana are All Right, sometimes they do have weirdass guests who are jooish or antiwhite hahahaha so just because somebody is ON red ice doesnt mean they are automatically good.

but yeah what red ice is doing, creating their own alt right, pro white media platform/network, is exactly what whites need to do. create a white, joo-free media. our own news, our own tv and radio, and of course podcasts are a great part of this, and its already happening, THANK GOD.

yeah i know red ice did weird alex jones conspiracy shit years ago, but i forgive them hahahaha.

henrik and lana just need to have 3+ children and hire some white men to do red ice.

i would become a sustaining member of red ice but their prices are too damn high hahahahaha.

65 euros a YEAR?  that is like 66 dollars a year. i would maybe do 20.

i mean they DESERVE it, i just cant/dont want to dnate that much!

i mean its more for ME than THEM, so i can FEEL GOOD about myself, and really i need all of THAT i can get!

there is this catholic church sorta near me that is geared towards polish people, and i hear that polish catholics are some of the most hardcore Based Catholics hahahaha. they are proud of their polish blood and dont have open arms for a bunch of screaming asians and mestizos and browns and arabs which you see in many cath churches. plus i have some polish blood and love poles. love them. would love a nice polish gurl for a qt 3.1488 waifu. poland is definitely a top tier european country.

problem is this place doesnt just have one polish mass a week, they have nothing BUT polish mass and EVERYTHING is in polish, church website, church bulletin/newsletter.

actually this is not a problem at all, this is a fookin BENEFIT. cuz it means they are traditional and old school as fook.

so i could just go there and be like

¯\_ツ_/¯   ¯\_ツ_/¯     ¯\_ツ_/¯     ¯\_ツ_/¯     ¯\_ツ_/¯       ¯\_ツ_/¯      ¯\_ツ_/¯

and say dzien dobry, jak sie maz (????), sto lat, dzienkuje, boze dobry, boze dobrze rzarzarzarza, ja nie movi polakiu, and then they would say oh look hes trying, how nice, then they could hook me up with their 19 year old virgin daughter who could teach me polakiu hahahaha and i could put babies in her for 14k a year hahahahaha.

sheeeeeeit those women are TOO GOOD for me!

乁(⏓ ͜つ⏓)ㄏ

2016-12-03-20_36_03-cardamom-0-02_0-04-no-limit-holdem-replay-13464295

this fookin guy makes a huge raise when he flops a pair of 8s. glad i agressively went all in instead of thinking he had AA and folding! or 88 or 66 or 22 hehehe.

no thats not 7 dollars and 45 cents, thats .00745 btc, which is…. 5 dollars and 71 cents. YIKES. well the price of BTC has gone up pretty steadily since i started playing this shit like 2 years ago.

so yeah if i had any BALLS like a REAL MAN i would have gone to this polish church 11 fookin years ago!!!!!!!

fooking reddit relships and their different secs BEST FRIENDS. you shouldnt have a BEST FRIEND who is the opposite sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and IM the weirdo and sexist and hateful racist violent trump supporter for thinking this!!!!!!!

or IM weird because i think open relationships are shitty and bad. im being too judgmental and intolerant of peoples valid choice.

well to be fair, reddit says that MOST people

dec 4

 

i am gradually warming up to emily youcis. normally i am very very very very suspicious of women in the movement, but she doesnt seem TOO bad. plus i immediately get more sympathy for the women once they LOSE something like their job or their freedumz. and so she was recently fired by k1ke company aramark (i applied for office clerk job there, no response hahaha) after working for 7 years selling pistachios at the baseball stadium. fired for “social media” reasons.

yeah i mean maybe this was part of her plan and she’s prob not gonna go homeless or sucking dick for a place to stay (not that most women dont already do that anyway hahahahahahahahahaha)

anyway. so i am always judging women for being hookers and sluts and wh0res and promiscuous and degenerate, but in the end, do those things really impact me directly? why do i hate sluts so much? that woman wasn’t a slut! she hurt me through ways that did not involve sluttiness AT ALL!

yeah well in the PAST ive def been hurt by women who were into the slutty casual sex mindframe. also i just find it very distasteful and immoral and degen and a sign of the cultural and spiritual degen which we must fix in our people. and yes it represents something i WANT but cant seem to get, which is given away so freely to Everyone Else but I am fundamentally broken and unable to obtain.

and also i am judgmental against the things that that woman DID do, like avoiding shit like a coward, i dont like that either hahaha.

ok well here’s a good point: at least i never really became a beta orbiter friendzone!!! or if i did, it ended pretty damn quickly!

it kind of proves that i basically will not LET MYSELF become a pathetic supplicating beta orbiter. i eventually have to rip the bandaid off and be like, here’s the obvious truth which i can’t believe you’re not seeing. I CANT GO ON THIS WAY hahahaha.

going to church on sunday today instead of saturday. going to church that is probably better than the one i usu go to. less cucky and marxist and antitrvmp and leftwing. less cucking for DIVERSITY and UNITY and VIBRANCY and all that shit. shit no wonder that church is full of weird asians and this other church seems to have more whites. shit why dont i just go to this other church regularly. or go to that damn polish church. IT DOESNT MATTER that i dont speak polish. i could learn and besides them speaking polish is a YUGGGGGGGGGGGE value add!!!!!!! its a GREAT thing!

yep starting new 13k job tomorrow. kind of a big deal. nervous. dont want to screw it up. dont want to look like a WEIRD IDIOT. just want to do a good job. not just a good job, but a GREAT job and really impress everyone.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit i should have been getting BOOKS related to my NEW FIELD the instant i knew i was hired, and devouring those books to get a good frame of reference, big picture view, maybe some small picture view too, reading the books The Director reads for his PhD, which is of course related to his masters degree and what he does now, The Department, what books are most relevant to this job and this department, thought leaders, bla bla. i quickly bought a book right now so that i could say i at least placed my order for the book before i started the job hahahaha but why i didnt do this 2 weeks ago so i could have had the books and started reading them by now…….hmm maybe i am not serious about making 13k a year with no benefits, maybe WALMART would be a better fit with my career skills.

dumped because he couldnt read the gurls stupid mind. i GUESS shes ENTITLED to dump him for whatever stupid reason she wants, but when the reason is THAT stupid, just candy coat it and dont GIVE an exact reason. i mean thats just a BAD REASON. just say I’m not compatible with you. it’s not you its me. that would be better than saying some stupid ass shit like that.

hehe i made the mistake of initially assuming the “best friend” OP of the gurl was another gurl. hehehe. sounds like he is deeply in luv with her and is in complete denial. but not looking at that, she still should not be Ghosting her friends.

i mean this guy is cringey and beta orbiter AF, and theres a very important lesson to learn there, but she still shouldnt be Ghosting him like a coward, throwing away 3 years of friendship, and getting her new bf to laugh at him and call him pathetic (which he is.)

dont be like this pvssy phaggot. but at least he is getting a CS degree so he might be making 30k a year by age 22. that is a pretty good move.  i mean its still risky because i worked with CS grads doing the exact same phone bullshit as me.

bonus points for OP having mad anxiety and panic attacks that feel like heart attacks and he is so confused hhahaha.

better when you are 21 than 31!

then reddit shreds this kid for being a sexist, creepy niceguy, which he kind of IS, but this ISNT the way to deal with that. you have to show some sympathy for these poor sad bastards. theyre not the bad horrible people you think they are !!!!!!!!

he doesnt need to “RESPECT” her wishes because they’re not respectable. just use the word ACCEPT. ACCEPT her stupid, unrespectable wishes, and let her get fooked by chad. the end.

grieve and have legitimate suffering because your friend of 3 years didnt give a DAMN about you as a human being. i feel your pain man. that sucks. this is the sympathy he’s not getting ANY of and he should.

anyway. i wish you COULD be Just Friends with a woman before Dating and Fooking and Relshiping them, because unless I am Friends with a Woman, i really just dont LIKE them. the way they approach Relships is degenerate and infuriating. I just dont like it. rustles the shit out of me.

I wish you COULD get to know a woman as a friend, be like this is a really good person and i like them, maybe I can try a deeper rel with them, i think they would make a decent GF or wife. i wonder if she will be willing to try that.

NOPE. NEVER WILL. thats what the friendzone is hahahaha. if you dont fook her like a n1993r within 2 days of meeting her, you dont have a chance with making her your GF or wife.

i just hate how the J’s are dumbing us down and jooing us down and morally corrupting us all down into n1993rs.

If you don’t like the word n1993rs, just call em animals. they are turning us all into filthy, dumb, dirty, disgusting ANIMALS.

I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!!!! I AM A HUMAN BEING!!!!!

anyway yeah this reddit niceguy hate is just way out of line. niceguys arent THAT bad. have some damn SYMPATHY for them. save some of that judgment for the women, who in many cases are being huge bitches to the niceguys.

but yeah this guy needs to stay away from this gurl, and there needs to be more blame directed at HER.

when you are begging and bribing somebody to hang out with you. it IS pathetic tho! but its SAD. he doesnt even REALIZE hes in LUV with her. at least I REALIZED that. and i STOPPED contacting her eventually. let her run off and fook animals.

and yeah it would help that guy to go to a shrink, but good lord dont tell him you are SUPER FOOKED UP and must see a shrink NOW if you have any chance of not being a horrible person. they hate these nice guys almost as much as they hate TRVMP or WHITE PEOPLE.

i was thinking in an ideal world, i would just get a dr to prescribe me Medical MJ for Despair and Anxiety, just like getting an RX for Citalopram and Valium. Which I have already gotten RX’s for.

so in an ideal world, despair and anxiety would be legal medical Qualified Conditions for MMJ.  but they arent.

anyway i was thinking, go to semi shady MMJ doctor and be like listen, so i dont have cancer or back pain like most of the people, but i dont want to bullshit you and say i have CARPAL TUNNEL pain when i really dont, but here’s something I REALLY DO HAVE, and have taken RX’s for YEARS to PROVE it, i know they arent TECHNICALLY conditions, but…..hey i’ll buy ya dinner right now, you’re pretty hungry from writing recommendations all day arent ya goy? bubby?

the thing is, i could say that my TREATMENT for OTHER CONDITIONS causes SPASMS, and then i could get MMJ for that. yeah but it doesnt. but i think citalopram causes spasms for some people hahahahaha.

basically the TREATMENT for something Unqualifying, gives me a Backdoor into Qualifying.

but not really, because this treatment doesnt cause spasms or severe pain!

https://www.reddit.com/r/altright/comments/5e7rbu/emily_youcis_animator_of_alfred_alfer_ama/

meh i guess i will approve of emily, she seems to be sincere. hope her animation bcomes less degenerate and she seems to be aware that by joining the alt right and becoming pro white, you kinda HAVE to hold yourself to a higher moral standard and actively purge the degeneracy from your own life.

but she’s only been into this for less than 6 months! i have been into this for like 6 years!!!!!!!

heh i dont really care as long as she is sincere and doesnt stop being pro white. she talks about losing friends and such and purging people. this is good.  purge the dead weight and bad influences from your life. Traditional Morality will alienate you from degenerate animalistic losers. you dont want them to be your friends anyway.

fine i will HUHWHYTE KNIGHT for emily even though shes probably taken MILES AND MILES of dick, prob even nonwhite (no real proof.) but i am willing to forgive, if there is TRUE repentance.

well i dont really like these super big bewbs gurls plus she will probably start to get very potato looking when she gets older. but at age 26 right now she is pretty qt, would hang out with hahahahahahahaha.

i mean better late than never amirite. im no saint myself. you know what they say, all saints have a past and all sinners have a future!

i went to this other church this morning and it was 100000000000000 times better than the one i usually go to. not only was it less boring and faster, there were a lot more whites, some qt young white women as well! i mean i already KNEW this for at LEAST a YEAR!!!!!

like the priest at my regular church, nice guy, good guy, but a pathetic cuck shitlib who is soooo shocked at the hate and racism and intolerance of the whitelash, and desperately wants to overcompensate and Reach Out to Mudslims to show them Not All White Christians are hateful rednecks.

whereas at the other church, no mention of this stuff, just a bunch of happy white people, including many under-40’s.

all the whites at my usual church are well over 40 hehehehe. plenty of nonwhites.

shit. starting NEW JOB tomorrow. have been doing laundry. planning on bringing 1 dozen donuts tom morning. ask people about their families. ask about what are good books for me to read about this field. i am already reading bla bla by bla bla. here’s some donuts. do you guys drink coffee? i can bring in some folgers, i have some extra folgers at home. sorry its not top shelf, but i can bring in a little top shelf closer to xmas. heres some donuts in the meantime. how many kids u got. where are they going to college? tell me about your graduate program. what do you think about the 14 words hahahaha. so how about that election hahahahaha.

can i take a tough phone call right now? what are the toughest problems you get in here from your “customers”? whats the best way to bullshit them and give them the runaround and say it cant be fixed, it is what it is, you dont have to like it hahahahaha jk i know we go above and beyond for our clients wink wink nudge nudge amirite?

besides, everybody knows that when “it is what it is” just wont cut it, you have to bring out it is what it IS what it is what it is. then that fixes everything. that explains everything. that gets angry people to say OH NOW I GET IT, im so sorry for being such a huge bitch. now that i realise that it is what it IS what it is!!!!! see before, i was thinking it IS what it is.

mother fooking phaggot cvntz hahahaha.

i was thinking i dont DESERVE a woman Without A Past, because IIIIII have a past myself!!!!!!!!!!!

ok fine, but i DO insist the woman is TRULY REPENTANT of her degenerate past! says I am ashamed of my past, i never want to have another abortion, or fook another nonwhite, or have any more casual sex!!!!!! its disgusting and here’s why! I REGRET doing all that.

rather than someone that says oh that makes me who i am, i’m not ashamed, i have no regrets.

GOOD PEOPLE HAVE REGRETS.

shit I have tons of regrets, tons of shame, tons of remorse and repentance for all the degenerate animal shit IVE done. so I DO want THAT much from muh formerly degenerate waifu hahahaha.

if you dont have regrets, I DONT WANT TO KNOW YOU hehehehe.

the bad shit youve done SHOULD be regretted.

muh dbt book says to try not to be judgmental. notice all the times you make a judgment throughout the day, bad OR good, and just let them float away like leaves on a stream.  just observe stuff mindfully and without judgment.

this struck me as kinda weird. i can see trying to stop your bad judgments, but the good ones too?

i mean i make 148800000000000000000000000000000000000000000 negative judgments a day. every damn person i see i judge them. i was sitting in church watching the nice white people coming back from communion and i was judging each and every one of them harshy: fatty. f4ggot. dirty dago. ugly. fat slob. pig. dog. disgusting animal. sissy. nice haircut phaggot. nice manbun phaggot. nice potato shaped body. your kids are brats. your wife is a slut. you have dyed hair, you must be a slut. how many cox you take. how many black guys. how many abortions. wow, fat AND a smoker, youre in great health, you no self discipline weakling.

i mean its truly ridiculous how many negative judgments i make about people, many many many times a day. so YEAH i AGREE, trying to be conscious of that and not doing that would be a GREAT step for me.

really i am nowhere NEAR as HATEFUL and judgmental when i am with actual real people. i always think the best of them.

but from a distance, when i am alone just thinking of people in the abstract, or people watching people from a distance, god damn, its a hugeass hatefest!!!!!!

no not violent hate, but still very bitter butthurt negative pessimistic cynical recrimination!

and WHAT DOES IT GET ME?

HOW DO I BENEFIT?

WHAT GOOD DOES IT DO ME?????

NOTHING!

at a more moderate level, it would have been a natural response to people who have hurt me in the past with slutty or immature or fat or ugly or irresponsible behavior.

but the healthy way for me to do that is to say, ok, here are some red flags to watch out for, but im not gonna look for those red flags in EVERYBODY, and im sure not gonna get MAD about it if they havent done anything to ME.

but yeah. its like my automatic reaction to seeing a person, is to have a NEGATIVE JUDGMENT about them. this is not good!

fat, ugly, slut, phaggot, degenerate. usually one of those. douchebag, asshole, bitch, weirdo, autist, spazz, moron.

i cant stop judging people hahahahaha.

STILL, i INSIST that its worse for women to go out there and let themselves be used as pieces of sex meat, that it is for pathetic omega virgins to jerk off to jooish porn. because in one you have essentially two people hurting each other, in the other, you have one loser hurting himself.

but dont get me wrong, porn is horrible and i am ASHAMED and REGRETFUL that i ever looked at it. well, that i looked at it so MUCH.

and tbh, i was only a little above average i think for American Men Of My Generation. Many men are much, much worse. i was nowhere NEAR a Porn Addict.

hmm sorta watching this movie the lost weekend, i mean i had watched this intently a few years ago, and i think after i stopped drinking as well, and had gained some Understanding of the Baffling Cunning “Disease”, and i still found the movie disappointing and corny, and for some reason it seems better now.

i mean ive been on the straight and narrow path here for the last damn 7 years basically. no booze, a little bit of MJ though. not enough imho hahahahahahaha. gradually became more Alt Right, more JQ, less degen, more principled, just a better person hahaha. although unfort more of a virgin neet loser too hahahaha.

well its been up and down tho. ebb and flow.

was driving home and saw this fat guy and his fat wife in my neighborhood who are always sitting in their backyard smoking cigarettes and being fat, and i thought wow, fat and smoking, good choice buddy, and then i thought ok i shouldnt JUDGE him, he very well could be a very very very nice kind man, very courageous, very strong. nobody is perfect, me neither, and so he just happens to be a fat smoker. nobodys perfect and what if he’s very very nice.

how often do i need to bring in donuts? i dont want to more than once every 2 weeks.

you gotta ask the right questions. what if i ask the WRONG questions? what if i ask DUMB questions???!!?!

so show them i am smart by quoting Big Thought Leaders in this Education Related Field. I read some education books right? hehehe yes the only education books i read were “dumbing us down” by gatto and “the unschooling handbook” by some woman.

both very anti establishment sort of stuff. but which may be considered moer establishment in 2016.

i mean i really SHOULD be more interested in the Field of muh job. which all I will say it is SOMEWHAT education related.

so yeah i think education is bullshit ahhahahahahhahahahaha. all education should be handled by parents.

yeah well what about college level stuff. the job im doing COULD ACTUALLY BE LEGIT USEFUL to a HUHWHYTE NATION as regards “homeschooling” college/grad level material to Learners. It’s GOOD because it can put you into direct contact with Experts and Instructors while minimizing the JOOISH DEGEN (((((COLLEGE EXPERIENCE))))), i will just say that.

MINIMIZING IT!

so yeah this is actually a REALLY good position to be in and i shoul dbe  MOAR grateful!

maybe i should bring bagels instead of donuts? i mean i will actually eat bagels later if people dont eat them all. its easier to save and eat bagels later than donuts.

now you could still use this technology to deliver jooish marxist frankfurt skool degeneracy and mindkilling soulkilling poison into the brains of students, but again, its just a TOOL, that can be used for good OR for bad.

if it helps even one white neet get a good paying job one day, then its worth it.

so in a way, i am working in support of my Dream Career by Helping White Neets.  UP FROM NEETNESS.

well, if they are doing education, technically they are not a neet then hahahahahaha. well how about neets who are only involved in education, because its a LOT easier to go to college than to Get A Job. you just pay shitloads of money (take out loans) and go to some shitty school hahahaha.

honestly just go to your local community college. i PROMISE you its not THAT shitty. better than fookin DEVRY. talk about fookin SKYPES.

besides, to get a good job, you cant just have book knowledge and do good in online college courses. you have to be good with PEOPLE. CUSTOMERS. you have to have MAD CHARISMA and not be autistic!

so how do all these autists get jobs?

uhh the ones that dont get stem degrees from good colleges DONT! they become neets!

so would i feel more comfortable lying to the MMJ doctor about Carpal Tunnel or Back Pain, or Lying about getting Spasms from the meds i take for muh Severe Despair?

great now the poor beta orbiter kid who was in love with his female friend was bullycided into removing his post. because hes such a HORRIBLE PERSON. good lord they hate these pathetic niceguys more than they hate Raepists. seriously. right now he is probably blaming the shit out of himself for being such a horrible person. and he wont let himself grieve properly for a relationship that “didnt exist.” yeah well if he knew her for THREE YEARS it DID exist, no matter how close she felt to HIM, no matter what these degenerate bullies on /relships say.

THAT KID IS BACK ON THE ESCALATOR!

there is ANOTHER post about an opposite secs best friend at the top of the relships hotlist!

GUESS WHAT /R/RELSHIPS, WHEN YOUR “BEST FRIEND” IS THE OPPOSITE SECS, RIDICULOUS DRAMA ENSUES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i guess you can be “friends,” but to identify as “best friends”? HELL NO.

sheeeeeeeeeit tuff times buddy. im sure reddit will say he is a horrible person for thinking he is entitled to something.

yep sad shit man. well at least you can do your JOB and shit you got a NEW JOB within 8 months of getting heartbreakingly dumped! so id say youre doing pretty well. just work 80 hours a week at your new job and smoke MJ the rest of the time. use MJ to bribe tinder wh0res into nihilistic secs hahahaha.

did i get jealous because they were leaving me, or did they leave me because i was getting jealous?

i think i kept my jealousy under wraps PRETTY DAMN WELL until it became clear they were pulling away from me, talking to other guys, and then i’d say i had a PRETTY GOOD REASON to get jealous hehehehe.

so yeah i dont eer push women away because i am “THE JEALOUS TYPE.”

heres a good quote from this one:

”   [–]PaHoua 4 points 49 minutes ago
If you’re the one broken up with, it is very likely you’ll take much longer to move on than the dumper. That person has already been “mourning” the loss of the relationship for a long time and when they finally came to terms with it is when they decided to commit to the action of dumping you.
Think of it like the five steps of grief: 1. Denial; 2. Bargaining; 3. Anger; 4. Depression; 5. Acceptance.
When she reached Acceptance, you weren’t even aware of what was to come. Then she dumped you. You moved into Denial.
This happened to me. I moved back and forth between all of the stages until I got into Acceptance. He was dating within weeks and probably earlier, whereas I remained in between stages for a couple of years.
It takes as long as it takes. That’s all anyone can tell you.     ”

wow a woman saying something very reasonable hahahahaha

 

ITS NOT WORF IT

nov 26

yeah you know what now i have a damn desire to play that ff6 gaym. even though its not AWESOME. its merely PLAYABLE.

like a BOSS I just shaved for the very first time with an Old Fashioned Safety Razor. I was ECSTATIC. it was DELIGHTFUL.

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Van-Der-Hagen-Traditional-Heavy-Duty-Razor-6-pc/37482632?action=product_interest

so yeah not a top shelf MERKUR(R) razor, but tbh I am completely satisfied, expectations exceeded even.

every surprise was a pleasant surprise. i thought i would butcher muh face with it. i absolutely did not, even wielding the blade someway carelessly.

i guess you have to use somewhat shorter strokes because it gets less with each swipe, but thats not a big deal at all. takes a little longer. not super duper FAST.

but it did not leave muh neckbeard all red and irritated like if i were using the normal electric razor.

i guess to keep it working well i will have to change the blades regularly hahahaha, which is not something i am likely to do hahahaha.

but yeah overall, 10/10, highly recommended, great pleasurable activity. i did not even use fancy Shaving Butter or Mug stuff, just some old ass shaving cream that was almost spent.

started reading DBT book, it was ok. it starts out recommending Radical Acceptance, which is you basically saying it is what it is. accepting that whatever bad shit has happened. dont blame. blaming them or blaming yourself doesnt help you manage the suffering. keeps you suffering longer.

well i was already ok at this. i accepted what happened. didnt mean i had to respect it. this is why I say, ACCEPT IT, DONT RESPECT IT, when some fool tells you to “RESPECT HER DECISION.” fook NO you dont have to RESPECT it. you can say this is SHITTY AS FOOK. but you can still ACCEPT it. like yes that happened. i will try not to blame her or myself too much.

this event is the result of OVER A MILLION prior decisions. This even HAD to happen. hehehehe. you basically observe the painful event and say yeah this painful event happened and i dont have to like it hahahaha.

then yu DISTRACT yourself from the event to keep your emotions from running too high. distract but don’t avoid.

the book gives you a list of 100 pleasurable activities. some of the shit is bona fide DEGEN, like “masturbate” or “have secs with someone you like” the latter of which is not NECESS degen, but I snorted and scoffed at the NONNEVERGF PRIVILEGE on full display here!

i mean MAYBE I should have saved and spend more money on the fanciest fooking razor in the world, instead of paying 16 dollars for a razor made in CHINA, spend 30 dollars on an actual merkur razor made in GERMANY…..and if i ever get tired of this Chinee Razor, I will do just that.

i dunno. i just like holding and looking at the razor. best present to self ever. a true alt right pro white razor hahaha. this is how richard spencer shaves hahaha. again shaving is degenerate, jooish, and pedophilic hahahaha but when you have to shave your face to have the privilege of slaving for joos, and be a semiproud white working man, you should use a masculine, classic, traditional, stainless steel / chrome Safety Razor.

i think if you use a STRAIGHT razor, thats where you can really cut yourself.

they call this thing a SAFETY razor because it has a little metal strip under the blade so you dont stab or gouge yourself. normal mach 3 razors have these too hehehe. only they are made of plastic or a gay “lubricating strip.”

its ridiculous how much i like this stupid RAZOR hahahaha. i mean i have been thinking of getting one for MONTHS and now that i went and got one i am very very very happy with it hehehe. i cant explain it but I am thankful for it. will bask in the good vibes hahaha. so if you have something like this, something simple and not horribly expensive, then Treat Yourself to a little present. note i am not talking about big ticket purchases. dont spend money you dont have on a CAR or buy a 5000 dollar TV, TVs are almost always a bad idea, plus TV is degen jooish poison. clothes can be nice, but a lot of clothes are SUPER overpriced. hard to find a good deal on good clothes. just go to walmart.

also this final fantasy 6 game is sucking me in more and more. using a walkthrough to help me hahahaha

http://www.gamefaqs.com/snes/554041-final-fantasy-iii/faqs/73586?single=1

now this guy is autistic. well thats not fair to say. he writes with pure luv for the game.

nov 27

yep interview early tomorrow morning. dont even want the job. if on a 1/28 chance  (3.5%) i am offered the job, i prob WOULDNT take it, even though it is full time.

because its much further away, the pay is prob about the same per hour (11-12 an hour) and theres no benefits and no guarantee of hours. plus i sort of know the people in the “new job” i am going to and the ones i dont really know seem nice, plus i like the relaxed pace of the whole organization hahaha.

hmmm yep i am officially on board this damn ff6. might as well enjoy it. be thankful for it. use it to distract myself from negative thoughts of how all women are evil whores and how i will never make more than 13k a year and never become a husband and father hahahahhaa.

nov 27

was so in luv with new chinee van der hagen razor i used it again today with fresh barbasol shaving cream. i dont know how long the blades last. avoiding preparing for stupid interview at 830 am tomorrow, monday. got to get up at 545 am noooooo. also want to do 2 errands in addition to that.

hey shit why should they tell me the job only pays 11 dollars an hour. why tell me ANYTHING. just let me dig and show intiative by trying to find out. heh. referring to job int tomorrow morning. 830 am. get up at 530 hahaha. prepped for interview a bit. printed out shit. found out awards the hospital won, some basic info, 2015 revenue, number of employees, ceo name, oh i see you have gotten a new supply chain director can you tell me how that will impact the procurement in this department, when the average employee in the department is a GED black who gets hired without knowing what the word procurement means hahahahaha.  not that i really know what it means. it related to buying and purchasing.

i dunno. normies arent stupid but they arent hella smart either. they arent constantly SELLING shit and EXPLAINING shit and having to CHARM and SELL and CONVINCE and ARGUE like a goddamn snake oil salesman 24 7. theyre just not that CHARMING. shit at this point, I am more charming than them.

so many average, perfectly average, 100 IQ, 90 IQ people have adult jobs and make 26k a year and have houses and gfs and wives and children and families.

well we already determined i only have 105 IQ, so im not as smart as i think i am. i am not an intellectual. but i am not a doer or a man of action either! usually when you are dumber like this, you have more courage, more energy, less anxiety, are happier, a better worker, not as neurotic. so i got the worst of both worlds. super intelligent, 130 IQ people might be anxious and cowardly, but they can usually make like 50k a year with their Big Brains On Bret.

nov 28

sheeeeet got up at 530, interview at 830, it went ok, i sorta sailed through it, they wanted to move quickly i sensed, but they were nice about it. i mean even if they offer the job i will refuse it hahahaha. there was a very pretty 25 year old HR gurl, surprised I didnt lose my shit there.

i reined myself in from giving super long rambling answers. just kept it short. showed that i learned about the company, rattled off a few figures and numbers and awards.

i would be actually kinda pissed to actually get an offer here, like damn why could i perform well for this job but not one of the ones i REALLY wanted?

is it possible that i went down to a 32 waist? I mean its not unheard of. back in the day i used to be. a very very long time ago. i barely remember it. then i was like ahhhhhh 34 is much more comfortable. then it was hmm these 34s are getting a little snug, ahhhhhhhh this 36 is much better hahahahahahaha.

i was thinking that if you got a h00ker, she would PROBABLY know how to get you drvgs too. so are all h00kers drvg dealers? that seems a little much.  but i would def say that all h00kers KNOW drug dealers because all h00kers are drvg ADDICTS hahahahahahaha. so you could PROBABLY pay a hooker not only for secs, but for the service of Procurement of drvgs hahahaha.

maybe the h00ker has a medical MJ card. you pay the hooker to go to the dispensary and buy you whatever. you can even drive her there. i don’t know if you will be allowed to go in though.

sheeeeeeit this goddamn hospital job is contacting muh references. the one reference i am most friendly with just emailed me and forwarded me the think that the hospital emailed to them.

i quickly emailed back and said thank you thank you, well nows a good time to tell you, but i am coming back to your/our organization for muh new job, and would probably turn down this hospital job. it just figures THEY would check my references. and not any of the OTHER jobs I really wanted. anything to make MY decision harder. because i will be turning down an Essentially Full Time Job for a damn Part Time job.

took some nyquil and now it is kicking in hehe.

sheeeeit. then they will contact my OTHER reference, who actually works RIGHT NOW in the department I will be working in. worst case scenario they will tell the boss i am still out there interviewing and the boss will revoke muh offer, after i refuse the offer from the hospital hahahaha and then am back with no job, after getting offered 2 jobs hahahaha. when if i DIDNT have this skool job, THEN i would take the hospital offer.

this is classic negative thinking. most likely she will say nothing and i will mention it when i see her, like oh did the hospital call you, yeah that was an interview i had scheduled before i got this offer, but i didnt want to cancel the hospital interview, just so i could get more practice. i honestly didnt think they’d like me, i REALLY didnt think they’d call references, I REALLY REALLY REALLY didnt think theyd give me an offer. I did 27 interviews and only got 1 offer. its stupid that I do 28 interviews and get 2 offers. no gambler would gamble on those odds.  when you are used to interviewing and nothing happening as I am, you start to think interviews dont really matter.

unbelievable. 27 interviews to get one offer, then get a second offer on the 28th hahahaha. well thats not true. never forget that i was offered the post office job. city carrier assistant. but i turned that down because i was too big of a soft sissy pvssy hahahaha who wasnt willing to WORK HARD. but i dont tell anybody about this one, this is my big secret hahaha. because people would say WHY DIDNT YOU TAKE THAT JOB MONTHS AGO and i cant just say because mel carriere wrote some very persuasive articles on the internet hahaaha. they ARE very well writtten articles!

so am i making a HUGE MISTAKE by turning down this hospital job in favor of the skool job?

do i really think i made a HUGE MISTAKE turning down the post office job?

well not REALLY but i BARELY survived until I got another job offer.

if i had not gotten that skool job offer i would definitely not turn down the hospital job. which is nowhere near as scary as the post office job.

heh trying to download ff12 ps2 gaym. how fast or slow will this gaym play. if at all. that was a great game for a newer game. it really was.

maybe i made a big mistake by picking one job over the other.

hehehe. well at least they arent WOMEN. ill get over picking one job over the other hehe. but if i had to choose between two women……i mean shit. usually you dont have a CHOICE. you just get rejected and rejected. until the ONE time you get a YES……you get TWO yeses. JEEZUM CROW.

heh. wish i had just CANCELLED this interview the moment i got the other job offer hehehe.

i have known to be super regretful of mistakes i made, for years, of things i didnt do hahahahaha.

again. that is not regarding a job! i am not super regretful i didnt take the post office job. i am not super regretful i did not accept the americorps offer in 2006/7, even though that would have drastically changed my life, probably for the better.

do i regret taking the new job in late 2013? kind of, yes. i regret saying YES to that, more than i regret saying NO to other shit hahahaha.

so anyway this will basically be my time machine back to 2013. except i will be 3 years old. last 3 years, totally wasted hahahahaha. 1.5 years working horrible job, 1.5 years being horribly jobless. during that 3 years, i was Just Friends with That Woman for about 10 or 11 months, I was hopeless in luv for about 9 months, and then Heartbroken and Finished for like 16 months hahahahaha. out of those 36 months of stupid pointless abortive bullshit.

well at least i know not to leave my job for another job LIKE THAT. taught me a lesson about FIT. similar reason as to why i rejected the post office job.

that was a big problem. when i got the job in 2013, i didnt do ANY damn research on it. i didnt say, IS THIS A CALL CENTER? do i think it might be difficult workign in a call center?

well maybe i did, maybe i wanted to challenge myself, plus she will be there to help me.

i think i saw it as growing out of my comfort zone and challenging myself……which is GOOD. and it was GOOD to be able to meet that challenge. to prove it to myself.

so i did better than expected! I actually GREW and IMPROVED in life! GAINED SKILLS!

but then it all came crashing down later.

nov 29

i feel like a WOMAN, having big decisions to make and doing it all based on whimsical EMOTION hahaha. and makign big mistakes in the process: saying yes to the bad and saying no to the good hahahaha.

yeah but really. its not that cut and dry with this job situation. i am blowing it out of proportion. as i tend to do. its not like this skool job is a BAD thing. i just have to remember to not stay too long hahahaha. but i have a tendency to do that too. distract myself “TAKING CLASSES” that go nowhere and then BOOM 3 years gone.

so if i take classes again, take classes that DO go somewhere. ie a definite program with a definite certificate or end date.

again as muh DBT book would say, i am living in the future and not the present moment hahahaha.

using a TIME MACHINE to spend way too much time worrying about the FUTURE or regretting the PAST. yes i do both these things a lot.

i would say, dont worry about having huge regrets about jobs you didnt take. jobs are jobs. instead, have regrets about PEOPLE who you did wrong, left in the lurch, betrayed, cheated on, insulted, hurt, etc.

PEOPLE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN JOBS.

i might DISAPPOINT people but I never HURT people.

heh. i would rather people felt sorry for me than hate me. i dont want to hurt people or do them WRONG.

i never want to break a persons heart hahahaha. and i have succeeded in that goal.

i mean i guess i could have broken muh familys heart by being such a huge failure at life, but i dont think i did hahahaha. which i guess is good?

i couldnt imagine breaking somebodys heart! yet MOST women have broken SEVERAL hearts starting from a young age! if i HAD to break somebodys heart, i would damn sure do everything humanly possible to Soften The Blow. NOT do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I would made a DAMN good faith effort to Soften The Blow. Not Nothing. hehehehe.

once TRVMP gets in there and DRAINS THE SWAMP things are gonna be good hahahahhahaha.

make american great again, make women good again, make america huhwhyte again hahahaha.

so yeah women dont have a REAL appreciation of how babies are made hahaha.

was watching a clip of Teen Moms hahaha where the baby daddy was fighting with the baby momma about how she will Open Her Legs for Any Man, thats how [our baby] came about. Don’t you know thats how babies are made? do you want more babies? dont you RESPECT HOW BABIES ARE MADE? you dont have any respect for ME, you dont have any respect for how babies are made, yet you claim to luvvvvvvv our baby, how can I believe that after you threw me away and now you’re pregnant again by this thuggish guy you just met on tinder?

all very very good points hahahaha.

if you REALLY luv your little bundle of joy, DONT go around repeating the Life Creation Process that led to this special beautiful little person, with just ANY RANDOM MAN!!!!!! dont you see the disconnect there? choose a man who is as special as that little baby!

SHAME THESE SLUTS!!!!!

and i say all this because I worry that That Woman is going out and Enjoying Her Life meeting and Fooking men from Tinder.

but that’s her right!

YES, its her right, but that doesnt mean i have to LIKE it!

the related issue is that I dont WANT to care about this, i dont even want to THINK about this!

last night I had some kind of horrible terrifying nightmare while I was in the depths of a nyquil sleep, so it was very very hard to pull myself out of. but thankfully I cant remember any details of it because of the deep nyquil sleep. I also had a dream i remember a little better where i was being Bullied by my roommates, when they used to be nice to me. now they had done a 180 and it was very frustrating.

right after TRVMP won I think they tried to Tame His Twitter. but then soon after that, you could clearly tell which tweets he was writing, vs the softened ones his team was writing. i am glad he still writes his own controversial tweets.

did you know theres no label to click “starred” that lets you view all your gmail Starred emails, like there is with the “important” emails? theres really no difference between starred and important.  you can click on important and show important. but to show all starred, you have to type “is:starred”. this is very easy, and indeed you can just type “star” and it will give you the option is:starred, but its the principle of the matter. “starred” should be on that clickable list to the left.

on first day of job i will bring 1 dozen donuts. will also bring a large folgers coffee container and say this is for everybody, i know its pretty middle tier coffee but it is what it is, I’ll drink it at least. if they say they dont have a coffee maker, then i will buy a cheapo one for 20$ from walmart. if they say great we luv coffee and already have a coffee maker, i will assertively set up a rotation to buy coffee not greater in proportion than the amount of Community Coffee I consume hahahaha.

if they bitch at me for giving them free coffee thats not fancy enough, ill bantz them right back and be like, well pay me 30 dollars an hour like YOU make! as long as im buying the coffee, you drink 11 dollar an hour coffee like the plebs! you drink 13k a year coffee, not 60k a year coffee hahaha. you make 4 times more than i do, my coffee will be 4 times cheaper than yours.

well ok its crimmus, i’ll buy nice coffee just this once.

cuz i was thinking of treating myself by buying Fancy Organic Coffee for crimmus.

maybe I should buy a ton of pens, post it notes, and little notepads hahahahaha. and some Reams of Paper. so the department doesnt have to cut into their budget to buy Office Supplies hahahahaha.

THATS how you Bribe people ethically hahahaha. really ADD VALUE and SAVE MONEY. i mean teachers buy school supplies for their students. and stuff like kleenex because theres no room in the budget for stuff like that. because all the money goes to pensions of teachers who retired at age 50 hahahahahahaha.

now it takes till age 35 of subbing like a bitch before you can even GET a full time teaching job hahaha. gotta PAY YOUR DUES.

anyway. i touched on some VERY IMPORTANT ideas yesterday that I amazingly dont examine too much: that time in november & december 2013 when i left muh old job and started muh new job, a process which heavily involved That Woman and did not involve nearly as much deep careful thought as muh current job search.

now i DID manage to Grow and Improve beyond my Comfort Zone. but the downside i was in a much more stressful situation which also led me to have a Snapping Breakdown. i did learn legit good great things….but IT WASNT WORF IT. it was a net negative.

i Just Went With The Flow because it was EASY, I did have to do anything but go along with my female friend, who was essentially presenting this new job to me. I KNEW that I needed to move on from muh current job at the time, because it wasnt a real job, and i was getting complacent, i needed a Kick In The Pants, and I figured this was it.

But it WAS! I wasnt wrong about that. I JUST WISH I had tried harder to get Other Jobs Elsewhere. like i wasnt trying really hard at all. I didnt have a good Packet. I wasnt even really DOING a job search, just applying here and there, very few and far between.

i also didnt want to talk myself out of it, because I knew i NEEDED a kick in the pants.

so i guess i tried to be willfully ignorant of the idea that it was a Call Center, because I figured rightly that that would give me cold feet.

yeah i needed kick in the pants, yeah i needed to be pushed out of comfort zone, yeah i couldnt have known exactly how bad Call Centers Are….i dunno. this was a confusing time too. you dont know whether you should listen to your gut, because your gut has been wrong before, or at least not terribly RIGHT. your gut has kept you stuck in a rut.

so yeah i cant even say trust your gut. and i wish i could trust it! well i can trust it to keep me SAFE in the comfort zone. but it DOES keep me from taking the RISKS you need to take to change and grow. because those same risks can lead to pain and suffering and great great loss hahahaha. losing literally YEARS of your life.

shit if i had listened to my gut i would have saved three years of my life on this one hahahaha.

but at the time i figured i needed kick in the pants, and also that this was a sign from GOD that he put my female friend in my life to help get me a new job, which i really needed. and I really needed a female friend too!

too bad both things turned out to be really shitty hahahaha.  a real shit elephant.

no i am not butthurt at GOD, THAT much. although I do wonder WHY exactly did I HAVE to learn this stupid lesson? IT WASNT WORF IT.

(is this brad dourif on this old episode of tj hooker playing an absolutely insane demon possessed madman? is that literally the only role he ever plays? hahahaha. it kinda looks like him but im not sure its him. ok im thinking its not him. it just looks like him and is totally a character he would play. also now i am seeing that brad dourif sorta looks like stefan molyneux hahahahahaha. EPISODE#: 1.2 “The Streets” AIRDATE: 03.20.82   Gary Frank  as”Arlen Williams” ok case closed its not brad dourif. source http://www.tj-hooker.com/episodes/episodepages/1-2.html )

yeah the lesson wasnt WORF it. tell your female friends RIGHT AWAY when you fall in luv with them. dont ever take a job in a call center. i lost 3 fookin years of my life just to learn those lessons? WASNT WORF IT!

so yeah i dont REALLY REGRET taking that job, leaving my old job. I dont like throwing 3 years away for nothing, but I can also totally understand why I did what I did. It was a tough choice that could have gone either way, and i have very solid reasons for choosing what i did. I had no way of knowing it would turn out as bad as it did!

but yeah things would have been a lot better if i just stayed where i was hahahahahaha. great lesson. never take risks so you might grow, because you might also fall behind hahahaha.

so yeah. i guess it really wouldnt pay off to examine this period of time. because it would have been NICE if i had acted differently, but i can TOTALLY see why i did what i did, and i dont REALLY regret it, but I am kinda regretful of the Possible Brighter Future I could have had, if i stayed. but i dont know that! maybe horrible shit would have happened then!

like what? lose muh job and lose muh luv? I just cant see things happening nearly as bad. I prob would have grown apart naturally from That Woman and NEVER fallen in luv with her. Or maybe I would have realized at that time that i was in luv with her. but at least i wouldnt be working with her at a godawful ticking time bomb of a job! and she prob would have rejected me nicer! and i would still have an easy job to work at!

so yeah, i dont think things could have gotten worse, unless i started drinking again and stalked her or something. but if i didnt do that NOW, when things were horrible, i wouldnt do them THEN, when things would have been a lot better.

so yeah, i pretty much DO know that things would have been better hahahahahaha.

but i also had no way of knowing things would turn out THIS bad. i didnt think they would!!!!!

so yeah a bit of a nagging feeling, but not quite a Big Life Regret, that if i had stayed, muh life would have been a lot better hahaha.  in terms of not Incurring Yuge Pain and Prolonged Suffering hahahaha.

i mean i DID grow in important ways. i learned how to deal with people better. well, in terms of handling ridiculous situations and bullshitting with customers who needed to be CONVINCED of shit. was not good at dealing with Women hhehehehe. or Stressful Situations hahaha. but some things i did get better at dealing with. and I also got a LOT better at Job Searching and Interviewing!!! that might not have been worth it, but it WAS very valuable.

i uhhh also lost a LOT of weight, like 20% of muh body weight, so that is kinda a big deal. nothing to sneeze at.

became a job searching, interviewing machine, taking rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection for months and months and months. It was starting to get pretty discouraging though!

hehehe. my nice reference who emailed me yesterday with what they wrote to the hospital, i thanked them immediately of course, AND THEN I TOOK a few choice sentences that they wrote yesterday, AND ADDED THEM INTO the recommendation letter that they wrote for me over 3 years ago which I use today in The Packet. Making that recommendation letter even MORE glowing.

if you have the chance to do that, do that. its kinda dishonest but I KNOW the person would not mind. I am not putting words in their mouth, simply taking two things they said at two different times, for the same purpose, and combining them into one letter.

HOW TO JOB SEARCH

Nov 19 2016

so when i need to start doing it again in no longer than 9 months, i can jump right back into it.

– uhhh go to indeed and change all the best alerts to “daily” and or unpause them. i dont think i really DELETED anything.
– use The Packet but make sure res, CL, are updated with New Experience. IDEALLY would have some new reference letters and reference phone numbers as well.
– update linkedin
– update indeedresume
– get some new people to write LINKEDIN recs, ie that get posted on linkedin site
– use the jop app minutes spreadsheet which captures all the important information.
– early apps might take longer because they involve rewriting documents and stuff. thats ok, count those minutes, and then the average will come down in the long run to like 14 minutes.
– its ok to take longer than 14 minutes to make a really good application
– put all the stuff called for in the spreadsheet
– study cases and calls at new job
– WRITE DOWN WORK STORIES THE DAY THAT THEY HAPPEN
– have a book of the Top Ten Work Stories
– can embellish or change those to make myself into the hero. important thing is that i write them down as soon as they happen, and make them as DETAILED as possible.
– 14 words hahahaha
– have To Do Jobs Bookmark Folder
– RENAME bookmarks as you set them, with “cl 11/20, 26k, any other info that doesnt appear in actual title”. this way you can easily see and arrange the bookmarks in order of date they close. if no date given, assume 7 days. or earlier, depending on how desireable the job seems. at some point every day or few days, arrange the new bookmarks into order.
– move completed bookmarks to COMPLETED folder. folders of bookmarks is the idea here. very powerful.
– then have easy links to job postings can put in job apps spreadsheet
– when in doubt, add a bookmark, dont HAVE to apply for it.
– set DAILY alerts on indeed for top companies, so can get emails as SOON as they are posted

yeah i mean The Packet is about as sophisticated and powerful as its gonna get. just never delete all copies of it. hahahaha. look for most recent version in google drive / job work related. hard to miss. then update it.

the getting detailed AND epic AND heroic WORK STORIES is the other very important thing to remember. write them down the day of, get as many little details as possible, can always edit later.

WRITE DOWN WORK STORIES ASAP
WORK STORIES
WORK STORIES
DETAILS DETAILS DETAILS
EPIC HEROIC MIRACULOUS.

Im not sure I shared this thing with yall yet. this was an evernote note I wrote for myself so that I wouldnt forget how to job search, for when I NEED to push myself to start job searching again in 6 to 9 months. wrote it shortly after I got The Offer and put muh job search on Pause. anyway there is some good stuff in there.

POLITICAL BELIEFS CAN BE CHANGED. YOU KNOW WHAT CANT BE CHANGED?

july 31

had dream with HER, first one in a while, i guess it goes in phases. for a while i was having a dream with HER every few days. then it stopped. now its back again haha.

in this one i was in muh old childhood home and she was sleeping upstairs in muh bedroom. muh famly didnt know she was up there. i was trying to get her out of the house unnoticed. ok this was my fault, i take responsibility for that. i was wrong hahaha.

although i think there was the implication that we were “back together” after the previous drama. which is usually bad news.  she’ll just end up dumping you again for the same stupid reasons, namely, youre not manly enough and can’t Lead her strongly enogh. you cant tame her hahahaha.

an interesting part was when she got up and started showing me all this school related stuff on the computer. she was SO EXCITED about going back to school and doing a business degree, and not at ALL excited about being with me. being left for a DEGREE. people are more excited about SCHOOL or CAREER than they are about YOU.

she was showing me this business article and was like ISNT THAT INTERESTING???!?!?!?! It was full of stupid jargon and I was like this doesnt make any sense, and I was mad, was she trying to show how she was SMARTER than me, because this complicated stuff made sense to her, so it made sense for her to leave me to go to school. when i was just frustrated and i could probably make snse of the article if she werent shoving it in my face and also LEAVING ME.

and she’s like why dont you go back to school, and i was like I already have a degree, AND I went back to school after that. I have like 1.5 degrees and it hasnt helped my career any. yeah yeah because i am a miserable low confidence lazy neet with personal issues. so of COURSE you shoudl leave me. i dont deserve to be with you, right? its my fault. so go back to school and get a better career with your business degree. its all so much more interesting and exciting and fun than being with a horrible loser like me.

yes i know being passive aggressive like that is bad! but it shows some of my very real insecurities.

Being left to work on school and career, when i HATE school and career and find personal relships much more important.

its like SHIT. I would WANT a good rel to help emotionally strengthen me while I went through the emotional Struggle of working on school and career. i would not want to face that without a good GF to cuddle with after the long days of failure hahahaha. recharge the confidence that is worn down every day.

but yet it happens all the time that people leave a rel to focus on school and career, esp with young 20s people. i dont have TIME for a REL right now.

really what they mean is they dont want to be with YOU any more. i wish they’d just say THAT.

this never really happened to me, although the women I was interested it did go on to be Powerhouses in School and Career. I was just never that involved with them that they had to LEAVE me FOR career.

now That Woman was not really like that. I could never see her doing a Business Degree. I liked that she was not obsessed with skool, and saw skool as a “necessary evil” rather than something great and awesome to be worshipped. she was not chomping at the bit to go back to school and neither was I.  most gurls (that arent mudshark pill popping white trash) are like i wanna get my masters in health care administration and work for humana health care as a senior area developer leader coordinator, adding value for the workgroup and changing patients lives while also making this the most successful health care organization in the country.

anyway, i HAVE been “left” for previous ex boifrans. a really obnoxious skinny jeaned annoying phaggot hipster who went on to a career in environmental activism, democratic party activism, and probably law skool.  a wimpy boring skinny guy who seemed too weak and boring and beeta to pull a woman, but he must have been really charming in private, who left a sweet university job to do a phd in antiwhite marxism. and lets not forget The Black Guys. never fun when they’d rather date black guys than you.

black guys and fooking antiwhite commies. are all more datable than me apparently hahahahaha.

the common denominator was that all these guys were more confident, charismatic and better with women than me. well, i dont know abotu that one wimpy guy hahahaha. but hey she STILL picked him over me!

anyway the dream was not fun. she had a big role in it and i saw a lot of her. too much of her. no not her naked body jeeeeez.  but just spending time with her. in a damn dream. maybe i could convince her not to leave me. but probably not. especially not by being weak and whiny and complaining that skool sucks! no, skool doesn’t suck, YOU just suck! thats why you can have 1.5 degrees and STILL do nothing with your life! you gotta get EXCITED about it! you gotta BELIEVE! you cant just go through the MOTIONS! you get out what you put it! you gotta really WANT it! you cant just show up and do your work and get A’s. you gotta really ATTACK it! gung ho!

the employers will know if your HEARTS not really in it!!

oh no baby, please dont leave me, i will be happy about you going back to skool, shit i will go back to skool myself, see i’ll take this online class in management, see, i’m going back to skool too omg its so interesting and awesome and also good for my career too! isnt it neat seeing what makes companies grow? i swear im smart enough to understand this intelligent business school stuff! and i find it genuinely, honestly, sincerely interesting and important, i swear!   just please dont leave me!!!!!

wow hahahaha.  the desperation is insane. off the charts.

so yeah that dream sucked. brought all this stuff right up to the surface. and its already there hahaha.

but it had that interesting element i had to mention: when the gurl is more interested in school and career than she is in YOU. and leaves you for a career. and looks down on you and leaves you because you ARENT more interested in skool and career. even though technically youre 3 times more educated than her hahahaha. she conveniently forgets about that.

not that i put much stock in the value of education. i just want to be credited for the stupid amount of education i do have.  i just like pointing out that i have 6 full time years of College and it hasnt gotten me anywhere hahaha.

but THEORETICALLY that keeps me busy from ages 18 to 24. and then I have a few years of work in there. so in Real World Terms, I am like 27 or 28 years old, which is really not too bad, not TOO far behind my actual age! And here I thought I had the maturity level of a 16 year old, hahahaha, when I’m really about as mature as a 27 year old hahahaha.

or, i’ve only really wasted 5 or 6 years, not 13 or 14 years.  that is helpful to remember. i just got 8 years of my life back! thats enough to get a phd of electrical engineering hahaha.

so i was thinking, joos like abortion and casual secs so much, what happens when their little jooish slut daughters get preggers at age 18? you’d think they’d just get an abortion because that’s the smart thing to do, but……..don’t joos value jooish life? at LEAST in terms of a jooish BABY is worth a lot of SHEKELS? like arent there jooish ADOPTION agencies that try to get jooish babies to jooish people who can’t have children of their own? or, generally, wouldnt a jooish baby be worth even more money than a white baby?  so why abort it when you can sell it? its a jooish moral / economic dilemma. like free ham hahahahahahahaha.

WELL, its probably a lot easier to abort if the joo gurl had a half goy baby.

BUT joo gurls also slut it up with joo boys at joo camp and JCC, so, theres a good chance of them having a fully jooish baby too.

that thought crossed my mind the other day. like, arent educated intelligent profession joos a bit CONFLICTED about aborting their own babies? cuz they are pretty racist and want the jooish population to grow.

yeah but its orthodox joos who are having all the babies. the educated professional ashkenazim are practically swpls in their antinatalism.

soooo…..what if i get offered this 10 dollar an hour part time job? i am thinking I should just take it hahaha.  but why do i think i even have a chance? because this is the SECOND time i am interviewing with this group. i mean for a second job. the first time i interviewed i said yeah you’ll see my name again for this other job. and they rejected me for the first job, and are now bringing me in for the second job.

well shit it would be AWKWARD to be rejected for TWO jobs at the SAME place, after interviewing with the SAME people, probably the same questions.

well, at this point, NOTHING would surprise me. the master of rejection here. I’ve been rejected every way you can THINK of, and I’m sure I’ll be rejected plenty more in ways I haven’t even thought of yet.

but yeah. plenty of people break up then “get back together”, they are still regularly hanging out, but “they aren’t back together, they arent dating.” well what ARE they doing? are they FOOKING? probably. are they FOOKING while the guy wishes he had the gurl BACK and the gurl is one foot out the door dating and fooking OTHER guys at the same time? just waiting for the guy to get jealous so she has an excuse to dump him again? probably.

and i thought i was bad at relationships! at least I dont go around Actively Jooing people like WOMEN do! they DO tons of stuff that is shady and jooish af! i would rather be honest and say baby this isnt working out, lets not kid ourselves, lets not joo each other. we’re done and there should be NO CONTACT. go fook your ingras and your social justice lawyers and your business school articles and your Management Career. they can fook you better than i can apparently.

dont put EARRINGS on BABIES. jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezum crow. this is SO trashy. it just seems SO unnatural and its pretty frustrating how normie idiots can’t see that its so unnatural.

not even getting interviewed for jobs that pay 15k a year. or getting interviewed and NOT getting the job. that pays 15k a year. experience the shame of THAT failure hahahaha.

that woman was always rather anti-police, but would she have gone ALL IN with that as so many people have recently? obviously its turned into a BIG political issue. might she have said, this is too much, i dont want to be lumped in with these black lives matters fanatics, and these black THUGS, i am gonna take my own side here, and if i’m gonna be pro-white, I pretty much should be pro-police too?

or will she take the side of the black thugs?

i’ll never know, hahahahahaha.

this COULD have been a point of disagreement between us….but i also dont think it would have been a big deal, because a Good Man can Guide and Mold and Direct his woman, and I could have made her understand that supporting black thugs was a bad idea.

she is anti-police for completely different reasons than loving black thugs anyway.

so yeah im not worried about differences in political opinions, because those can be CHANGED.

YOU KNOW WHAT CANT BE CHANGED?

Actions you did in the past: cheating, lying, cox you fooked and sucked, abortions, babies you murdered, degenerate, disgusting, evil shit you DID.

i dont give a SHIT about Media Constructions of Female Beauty, or airbrushed models or shit. you know what I DO give a shit about?

Average Normie QT 20 year old gurls in BATHING SUITS at the beach or pool or whatever. that you can find in bumfook kansas. these gurls are not EXTRAORDINARY. they are just not OLD or FAT. they are Normal, Young, QT girls, and when you put them in bathing suits and you see their bodies, you are about to explode in your pants. nothing fake or airbrushed or constructed about it WHATSOEVER.

i dont want anorexic models or movie stars! i wanted HER in all her 7/10 glory in a bathing suit with her pasty white skin and wide hips and fat thighs and fat cottage cheese ass and weak chin and zits and big nose! but at 24/25, she was SO YOUNG! and she had NO KIDS! and she was WHITE! and a 7! and had been with less than 5 guys! and was NICE to me for 2 years!

so yeah i hate that particular media lie that men have unrealistic expectations of female beauty because of patriarchy. No, we have PERFECTLY reasonable expectations of female beauty. just give us a 7/10 who isnt fat or old. PERIOD.

but i concluded recently that 7/10 WAS NOT reasonable for a guy with my low value, i should be expecting 6s or 5s.

hmmm.

but 50% of marriages end in divorce and WOMEN initiate 66% of all endings of relationships. sure maybe sometimes they dump the man for good reason. but I’d argue that 50% of the time, they dump him for a stupid reason.

just as women are the CHOOSERS, they are also the REJECTORS, and they are TERRIBLE at both choosing AND rejecting!

oh so youre a single mom? didn’t pick the greatest guy to make a new human life with eh? and now your baby’s life is an eternal reminder that you dont know how to pick a man.

well thats what SHE was though. so maybe it makes sense that SHE doesnt know how to pick a man either. but she picked a man she was with for 4 years!!!!! but thats all over. but what if she gets back together with him? would that make me happy? well, better than her being a slut and or getting with black guys.

why didnt the old bf just marry her? he was a little weird, but he was with her for 4 years. maybe he cheated on her. i dont think he did tho. he was just stubborn and grumpy and autistic and very much in a rut. and she STILL didnt leave him! HE left HER!!!!! how i wuold have liked to have that level of dedication and faithfulness and loyalty and willingness and effort from her!!!!!

so he left her and moved forward with his life. kinda like she left ME and moved way forward with HER life. and I moved BACKWARD. i didnt even stay at the same spot, i moved BACKWARDS!!!!!!!!

somebody holding you back….vs not having someone is whats holding you back, but you gotta learn how to move forward without them. so you plow forward without enthusiasm, without passion, and then learn thats just not good enough, employers want you to have passion or at least fake passion convincingly, and its very hard for me to fake that convincingly, but i try. but my trying isnt good enough.

anyway i will bang other sluts but i will still want her. i wont commit to them and luv them the way i would commit to her and luv her.

it feels like i will NEVER get over her. maybe its time to start seeing a shrink and taking meds hahahaha. OH WAIT.

i dunno. i guess i stopped working hard cuz i was TIRED of the hard work never paying off. might as well give up and not work if youre gonna get the same result anyway.

these women. its all about secs and fooking with these women. they have no idea what hearts or feelings or luv or romance or intimacy or connection is. the only that matters to them is a coq pounding a cvnt and then exploding all over their face for the camera omg lol. men are such sensitive romantics and women are such pornographic, jooish degenerates. how is it that men and women were designed to be together? homosexuality makes more sense!

shit i can see why people cast these voodoo spells and shit. and BEG For GOD to MAKE this person COME BACK. dear GOD change this persons mind and MAKE THEM luv me, because i dont want anybody but them.

how do you know when youre ready to meet new people? for example, right NOW i probably SHOULD meet new people, but I dont WANT to , i dont FEEL im over her, I still WANT her. but its POSSIBLE meeting new people would make me FORGET about her and ACTUALLY move on. becuase its been TOO DAMN LONG and I am CLEARLY HUNG UP on her.

so how about i just TRY banging other women and if i dont like em as much as i liked her, then i dont have to commit to them, and can make them get abortionz hahahahaha. like you care about human life anyway. just get another damn abortion.

i wonder how many abortionz she got in the past year. i wonder how many guys she fooked in the past year. 1? 2? 3? 4? 5? 6? 7?

i shouldnt even care but i do.

half of it is the job/career situation, ie, her moving UP, and me moving DOWN. that rustles me to NO end.

and That IS all my fault. for being too weak to handle the tough situation. the heat got too high, and i had to get out of the kitchen hehehe. she survived and became stronger for it.

but she wasnt facing nearly the same “heat” I was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how do you TRAIN on internal company things where you cant just google it?

well, just take your best guess and then ask the manager the right way to do it when they write you up for it, and hope you dont get fired for it.

11th interview on tues, 12th interview on thurs. nice. i am sure i will be nervous and rambling and not get the jobs hahaha but at least i will look good.

but yeah its stupid that you can never know or trust or be close to a woman, even if you are fooking them, even if you have known them for years. they are always god damn STRANGERS. no matter how well you think you know them.

how well did i really know her? how close of friends were we REALLY? i just dont know any more. so even the good parts seem fake. even if they werent.

i mean i WANT To be over her. aaaaannnnndddd its been a YEAR of no contact. im not over her but i really WISH i was over her. therefore, time to start hanging out wiht other sluts from okcupid hahahaha. and bang them. just go to the lake on summer day, look at them in a bathing suit, smoke MJ, well, have them smoke MJ and you can pop valiums, contemplate whtether their body is bangable, and then bang them when you leave, and then if you never want to see them again, you dont have to. besides do you want a woman who gives it up on the first date to be the mother of your children? do you want to show them to your family and say this SLUT is my WIFE?

my WIFE is a SLUT but this is the BEST i could get who didn’t leave me right away?

i want a nonslut but I dont DESERVE that! I’m not good enough to get what I want!

also when i do these interviews, its not like i freeze up. i start rambling and muh voice gets shaky and i am clearly nervous, but i survive them, i get through them, i dont run out the room screaming or anything.

if i had a gf who was pressuring me to go back to skool or she’d leave me, i would be thankful that she would be willing to let me do something to prevent her from leaving hahahahahahaha rather than jsut walk out and say THATS IT, IM DONE. then i would take 1 class at a time in fooking CNC machining or mechatronic or something and be like ya happy now baby? im ambitiously working on my career. i have career goals nao.  now how about your suk muh dik every time i do 20 minutes of skoolwork. and swear on your father that you will never leave me hahahahahaha. ok if you want to leave me, then hire a SHRINK to do it NICELY. and pay me 10k and give me a pound of indica MJ. and give me 100 more tapering off bangs, and send your slutty friends over to bangme. let me bang your mom and sisters too. THEN you can leave me hahahahaha.

hey it SUCKS to be LEFT. bitches act like they never been LEFT before. if they had, they would KNOW it sucks.

go back to skool or i will LEAVE you.

i will go back to skool if you promise to NOT LEAVE me

hahahahahaha

two sides of the same coin hahaha.

like i say, its better than just waking up one day and BOOM theyre ALREADY GONE, and THATS IT.

well, they’re not leaving you because they were NEVER WITH YOU.

just set a meeting with a shrink and have the shrink dump me. or hire a Process Server to Serve me with Papers. just make sure to take a FEW MINUTES to write down exactly everything you’re trying to communicate. say you want out, its over, and nothing will make you change your mind.

fine, im not gonna MAKE YOU STAY, im not an ABUSER. just say SORRY for breaking my HEART. you didnt like it when YOUR heart was broken. neither does anyone else, STUPID. hahahahaha.

if you have a picture of you with bill gates, then that will PROVE to people that you are SMART. you might not seem smart right now, but here’s me with bill gates.

doesn’t have to be bill gates. it can be anyone rich and famous who is generally accepted as smart. a supreme court justice.  magic black science man neil degrass tyson. magic asian science man michio kaku. steve jobs. mark jooerberg. the winkelvoss twins. anybody like that. then have that picture handy whenever anyone doubts your smarts. which they will do every day of your life when you are a gainfully employed bigboy.

maybe i SHOULD at least APPLY for Disability (SSI) because it would be SOME income in between jobs hahahaha.  i mean you usually get rejected the first time anyway, then i would have to pay for a LAWYER, etc.

woudl THAT come up in a background check?

MAYBE. probably.

why CANT a single mother teach their daughters how to pick good men? cant the single mother learn from their mistakes, and make sure their children learn from their mistakes?

because its all genetic. 100% nature hahaha. the apple does not fall far from the tree. if your mother picks bad men, you will probably pick bad men too. period. the end.

did nice 5 mile powerwalk

only burns 370 calkories

oh well.

i thought, its annoying when women tell men, you need some time by yourself, alone, to work on yourself, no one else will love you until you learn to love yourself and be comfortable by yourself.

i say thats total bullshit because when have THEY ever been without a rel for TEN YEARS or more. once you have been alone for TEN YEARS, or even “just” FIVE years, I say, you’ve been alone LONG ENOUGH, at this point, being single for so long is gonna hurt you more than its gonna help you “love yourself.” now youre gonna feel bad about being alone for so long! these women and people saying “you gotta love yourself first” have not been without a rel, without a gf or bf or whatever, for TEN FOOKIN YEARS, during the majority of their 20s.

THEY DONT KNOW WHAT THEYRE TALKING ABOUT.

NEVER LISTEN TO RELSHIP ADVICE FROM WOMEN. THEY DONT KNOW ANYTHIGN ABOUT RELSHIPS.

isn’t that funny? aren’t women supposed to be relationship oriented? all about rapport and getting along and all that? chit chat?

then why is it always DRAMA with them?

because they dont know SHIT about relationships!

but they are always IN relationships because…..

cmon you know it……..

WOMEN ARE THE SUPPLY, MEN ARE THE DEMAND.

so yeah i have been not even close to dating a woman for over 10 years. and i feel it has TWISTED me into a rusty twisted weird old man who just doesnt know HOW to have a real rel with a person.  well, with a woman at least.

shit ***I**** Know more about how relationships work than most women do, and Ive never been in one!!!!!!

i think when i was happiest…..and it was when i was just hanigng out with HER.

but i’m not ALLOWED to think of those happy times any more. well, i’m ALLOWED, but i know i SHOULDNT.

and technically that was the closest i ever had to a relship with a woman before. i’ve been friends with women before, but those gradually faded out after a couple years, esp after they moved far away. this one didnt fade out. i just kept getting deeper and deeper feelings until shit EXPLODED like a god damn nucular bomb hahahaha.

i dont even want to tell george feels that his interest in programming and coding is a fools errand. i was in his same position. i took a bunch of classes, including some in depth c++ coding. the main thing it taught me was that I could NEVER get a job in this. you have to know SO much just to get an entry level job. which are all being sold out to indians.  but you better either have a BS of CS, or you better be damn OBSESSED with coding, so that you lock yourself in your room, dont shower, and do nothing but CODE all day, making insane apps and programs. I could never do that. I got A’s in my coding  and felt some pride and sense of accomplishment….until I realized that the HARDEST program in c++ course 2, which was fairly hard, is not even the tip of the iceberg of what an entry-level, right out of college, 21 year old Entry Level Programmer would be doing. this is why you take literally 30 coding courses. get back to me when youve finished c++ course 30 and maybe then we’ll talk abuot getting you a 28k job. tons of overtime. FLSA exempt hahahahaha.

but they push coding camps and coding for kids and everybody should learn how to CODE! its the ticket to a good career for everybody!

NO, IT ISN’T, because then you’ll just have more people like me who can write kiddie hello world programs and do some basic functions, classes etc……..but NEVER DO ANYTHING WORTH ANYTHING OF REAL VALUE IN THE REAL WORLD. NOTHING THAT YOU COULD GET PAID FOR, LET ALONE AN AVERAGE INCOME.

you can LITERALLY make better money with your “skills” in a tech support help desk call center than with CODING.

and george would be MUCH better off staying at his boring library job than going to a help desk call center, or thinking hes gonna find a coding job. I have been TRYING to find a boring library job like his, but libraries dont hire FT people, and if they did, and I got an interview, I would probably lose out to a person with a masters of library degree, for a job that doesnt require one, because theres too many of THOSE.

but i dont even want to tell george it’s hopeless. take away the one shred of hope he has. it will be bad enough when he finds out eventually.

or maybe he will make it work, and he will show me how to make it work. obviously going to skool for it was not my idea of a good time hahaha.

and when you talk to actual working programmers, you see that their shit is ON POINT, and they are damn near AUTISTIC with their shit. staying up all night coding. they dont care they are 40 year old virgins because they LOVE coding so much, they literally eat sleep and dream coding, and I just never had it in my MARROW like they do. I had a slight interest in what I saw as a good skill. it is a good skill, but you have to be REALLY good to make ANY money.

I mean if I could find a $12 DAH job writing 12 DAH code and then gradually work up, I would. but i dont think those jobs exist, for newbs like me to write hello world 10 line programs. yeah im really shaky on pointers but just hire me for 12 DAH.

you can’t make 12 DAH being shaky on pointers!!!!!!

but its hard to find a good instructor who can really explain pointers! you either sit their and bash yourself in the head with pointers for 1488 hours until it sinks in, or you ragequit and find better uses of your time, like LIFTING or at least powerwalking. or taking nyquil and sleeping. or blogging.

so i am kinda schadenfreuding that moment when george loses his optimism in CODING.

FOOK CODING. Its a stupid golden calf hahaha. idolatry from idiots who have NO IDEA about how to get a JOB in coding.

but i dont want to say i told you so. this is all he has hahaha. let him have it for a while hahaha.

but why isnt he just smoking weed? hes not straight edge! he drinks a little! and he lives in COLORADO and has not made ONE vidya on MJ??!?!?!?!?!!

and here i am daydreaming about flying out to colorado and staying in a cheap hotel for a week just so I can sm0ke a pound of MJ in a week!! and of course enjoy the nice mountains and nature of colorado. while sm0king MJ in the forests and on the mountains.  and banging some white 25 year old hippie weed sluts.

stupid xkcd friends comic. this guy has some good comics but this is the WORST SHIT EVER and rsutling and triggering in SO MANY WAYS.  WHATS WRONG WITH RELATIONSHIPS GROWING NATURALLY OUT OF FRIENDSHIPS?????? this shit is patronizing to WOMEN for ASSUMING they can be fooled so easily. but they CAN be fooled so easily. come on. have some agency. you dont have to settle for this guy. why dont you call him out on his shit?

also why cant the woman tell that the guy has feelings for her? like me i was giving signals like crazy and i think she was picking up the signals. i should have told her point blank but uhhh i didnt want to tell her over text. i just wanted to hang out with her in a low-stress place like the people in the gay comic hahahaha.

also why is she always dating nothing but jerks? methinks this randall munro is a total niceguy womanhater. repent repent and you can become a ballless phaggot cuck like arthur chu. chen. whatever. that fat feminist male asian who was on jeopardy.

ill make you depend on me? i never did that shit! you cant MAKE someone DEPEND on you! they CHOOSE to enter in a friendship with you!

and you CAN legit “VALUE THE FRIENDSHIP”, while knowing that your feels are causing conflict, so then over time, you decide you want to talk about it. she knows what you want to talk about but she avoids it.

not seeing that angle in your phaggy comic. god damn this comic is so stupid. what if you were just friends at the beginning? and why cant this woman make decisions on her own? and why is the man such a conniving manipulator who has this grand scheme from day 1? I WASNT LIKE THIS AT ALL! WHAT KIND OF MAN WRITES SOMETHING LIKE THIS????

I hate these niceguys that are so anti-niceguy in order to signal to feminist cvnts. i hope this guy is alone and lonely for the rest of his pathetic niceguy woman-respecting life hahahaha. what a thoroughly unmasculine man. YOU FOOKING CHILD.

I just thank GOD I am not like this guy or this comic. although I HATE to think that SHE might think (or anyone else) that I WAS like the phaggot in this comic. there were some surface similarites, like a guy who has feelings for his female friend, but GOD DAMN. LET ME MANSPLAIN.

i wasnt a manipulating liar like he is. i wasnt orchestrating some damn huge production. I was TRYING to tell her. of course my actions were already telling her.

well, didnt the comic guy EVENTUALLY tell the woman ANYWAY, by dating her? then its all out there. so WHATS THE DAMN PROBLEM? that she’s so EMOTIONALLY RETARDED that she can’t figure out why she’s vaguely UNHAAAAAAAPPY? WELL THATS ON HER!! AND SHAME ON the author for setting the bar so LOW for women! although sadly, that really is a realistic bar for women.

i mean at that point, SHE’s living a lie. saying i luv u and being in a relship with a man she doesnt luv. and then the author blames it all on the fookin man. sheeeeit.

show this comic to your friends and lovers and if they LIKE it and says it makes an important point about men and niceguy cowards, punch them in the fooking face, cuz this is the most insulting dishonest JOOISH shit ever.

it treats women as CHILDREN. I know they ARE children, but I wish they werent!

http://xkcdsucks.blogspot.com/2008/12/comic-513-youre-breaking-up.html

hey i didnt want to “ask her out” at first! i didnt feel that way at first! then we just naturally became friends!

and when i wanted to “ask her out” she just kept avoiding me and avoidng me and avoiding me.

so i guess i was stupid for not recognizing that as the answer, that i still WANTED TO TALK ABOUT IT.

i dunno, ive been aware of niceguys for a long time, and i never want to be like that, but i share SOME aspects of that, but also NOT, because i am much more honest about my woman hate hahahaha. i even told her multiple times, im not a nice guy, i can be a total asshole. now let me buy you dinner hahahaha.

NO I wouldnt want to MAKE her be with me if she wasnt happy.

also its unclear if he was just fantasizing dating her, or if he actually dated her. yeah he sounds annoying and dishonest, but she didnt HAVE To date him or even be friends with him.

isnt it WEIRD being friends with somebody who obviously is in love with you?

how can you HIDE that?

I dont think even the WORST NICE GUY CAN HIDE THAT.

So really the woman just ignores it willfully.

so i dont think the niceguys are manipulative or jooish or evil or “expecting sex in return for friendship.”

i think they really ARE wantinga Luv Relship to grow out of a friendship.

but yeah obviously they should talk about it, esp if the woman is still willing to hang out with them.

That WOman knew i liked her, so she was not willing to hang out with me any more.

yeah i was stupid and cowardly but i wasnt like this, and also she should have been a little nicer.

i just hate thinking she viewed ME like the Niceguy Cueball. because i really wasnt.

 

ABANDONING A FRIEND IS NOT THE SAME THING AS ESCAPING AN ABUSER

may 4

Awesome post I just made in that epic despair forums thread:::::::::::::::::::::::

excellent points! I think a fair amount of people might arrive at MRA or MGTOW after repeated disappointments, rejections, and failures with women. I know I did! But as I have become more of a “traditionalist white knight”, I have moved away from that element, saying “wow, these guys really DO look like a bunch of basement-dwellers who are trying to make themselves feel better about their total failure with women, by building it into a social, political, philosophical movement. And I don’t want to be one of those bitter, butthurt neckbeard woman-haters, etc….”  Possibly myself buying into the negative stereotypes about MRAs!

But I think a lot of us don’t avoid unflinching, brutal self-examination either: “I keep getting rejected, maybe the common denominator here is me!” In fact, this first brought me to “Game” when I was a fairly young man, before I moved to MRA/MGTOW.  I thought, maybe there’s something I’m doing wrong, I hate to be a victim of circumstance, maybe I can take some responsibility/ownership/agency over this.

Game is controversial for many reasons: it’s dishonest, manipulative, insincere, mechanical, amoral, immoral, creepy, etc. I had no interest in the most extreme “Pick Up Artists” and I preferred more “intelligent” writers like Heartiste/Roissy. Also there was the sense of “I’m not THAT weird and creepy, I’m basically a decent person, I can make regular friends, do I really have to completely retrain my brain just become attractive to women? Is it really supposed to be this hard? It’s not that complicated, I’m just shy around women! Millions of men have been through this!”

For me, the most important lesson I took out of Game could be boiled down into two words: Be Masculine. (or, Be Confident.) As a not super-masculine guy, that is probably where Game could help me the most. But just like hardcore MGTOW, I think one can get tunnel-vision if they spend too much time reading this kind of stuff.

Game eventually brought me to MRA and MGTOW, as I wasn’t just concerned about my own personal failure to attract women, but also the broader consequences of feminism and strained male/female relationships on society at large.

But I wonder if Game implies more of a sense of personal agency than MRA/MGTOW (sorry to lump those two terms together, I know not all MRA’s are MGTOWs, haha), in the sense that Game says here’s a problem I have some control over, while MRAs might say, the system is rigged against us, and there’s nothing we can do but just stay away, not get involved.

For me, much of it was partially related to my own resentment about my own constant failure with women. I don’t regret the time I spent in these movements, as they have taught me many useful things about a “red pill” perspective. But some of Game and some of MRA were too much of a “black pill” for me: watching the world burn, enjoying the decline, nihilistic, Fight Club, Joker sort of mentality.

Now, I do realize we are possibly living in the Kali Yuga and have to “Ride the Tiger” as Evola says, hahaha, but now I believe that men and women can be partners in this struggle.

I’ve just tried to integrate it all into an ongoing synthesis. I’m not a helpless victim of big bad women or misandrist society, and could probably improve my results with women by taking personal action on very “simple” things like be more masculine, be more confident.

However, we DO live in a “fallen world” where the dating scene seems very grim and disgusting: people having casual sex with multiple people they meet on Tinder, women being fooled by shallow caricatures of masculinity rather than choosing a more healthy masculinity. (Choosing “thugs” and “Bad boys” and “deadbeat losers” over more reliable men. This can also come from not having good masculine role models growing up, such as a decent father.)

However, I also fully appreciate women’s role as the Choosers in mating, simply because women bear all the reproductive risks of getting pregnant. It frustrates me that many women don’t seem to understand this, though. All the contraceptive technology and changing attitudes about sex will NEVER change the fact that women are the ones who get pregnant, which essentially makes them the choosers. So when some women say “The double standard is BS, women should be able to have casual sex just like men,” I shake my head sadly and view it almost like a “baby with a gun”, meaning they don’t realize the awesome power they hold. With great power comes great responsibility, haha.

Basically, I just wanted to bleat about my own special snowflake perspective on relationships, haha!  My personal opinion is that a healthy, loving relationship is a beautiful, possibly sacred thing, and is a goal very much worth struggling and sacrificing toward, and I have accepted that it’s not supposed to come easily. (However, I never thought it would be this difficult, and it’s very hard not to compare yourself to others: oh look, that person is only 22 and they have been in a relationship for 4 years, I would really like to know what that’s like, someone to cuddle with who doesn’t immediately dump you, bla bla bla.) The changing sexual attitudes in society have also been very damaging to both men and women, under the guise of “liberation” and “freedom” and “equality” and “exploration/discovery”.

I would like to get married (probably not a legal or state-sanctioned marriage, haha) and have children, as I see children and family-building to be a very natural and beautiful step in the Circle of Life, haha, which is just as naturally and beautifully preceded by a healthy, committed relationship to act as a foundation for that family. Yeah I admit this is very idealized, fairy tale sort of stuff, but I HAVE seen normal everyday average people who generally embody these ideals. Basically just try not to have children with a deadbeat, haha, but we can also see around us many sad examples of people who have hit this pitfall.

But I also think some MRA/MGTOWs come across as bitter and woman-hating and think All Women Are Like That (AWALT/NAWALT/etc.) I too am bitter, and especially bitter right now, as I am still very much struggling with a HUGE bitter heartbreak, and REALLY trying not to let that influence my opinion of other women. But I really don’t want to BE a woman-hater. It’s really no fun, haha. I don’t want to hate women! I also don’t want to keep a “safe distance” from women. I really would prefer to have women in my life rather than not.

I’ve never been sure How Many Women Are Like That: 51%? 49%? 80%? 99.9%? 10%? I just can’t get a good read on that, and that actually gives me hope. Like if I truly believed 99.9% of women were two-faced evil scammers…I would essentially already be a woman-hater, haha. In other words, I believe the number is much more likely to be closer to 50% than to 99%…..and I am cautiously optimistic it could be well below 50%!  (Whenever I don’t know what a proportion might be, I always assume 50%, and then hope to be pleasantly surprised, hahaha.)

I have been moving away from “egalitarianism” however, in that I believe we need to fully embrace the differences between men and women. Women can get pregnant and therefore have the right to choose their mate…..but with that comes the responsibility to treat sex very carefully and to choose wisely. And men do have the responsibility to protect and provide for their woman. Also I believe women are more inclined to groupthink and conformity, so when our society is promulgating some very disturbing attitudes, women may be less inclined to question that mainstream authority, while Serious Men such as ourselves think much more deeply on the the implications, haha.

I get sad when I see MGTOWs in their 40s and beyond. I think it’s a shame this man didn’t get married and have children, he would probably be a great husband and father. Well….some MGTOWs, haha. I much prefer a guy like Bernard Chapin to Bar Bar, for example. So I am personally thankful that I “moved on” from MGTOW well before age 35, hahaha. Also it’s sad to see 18 year old boys proclaiming themselves as MGTOWs. Yes there are crazy risks in getting involved with the wrong women, and yes our society can give incentives to tempt women over to “the dark side”, but I firmly believe the potential rewards of a good wife and family outweigh the risks of having your life ruined by a Borderline Personality. There is really no reason to “give up” on women.

But yeah, I hear ya! I totally understand that one’s own personal experiences can deeply influence the way we view the world, for better and for worse. The same thing happened to me!  And as you move through life, your viewpoint can change over time. For example, I have not become any more successful with women, but I think my view of women has actually become more positive.  (Not that we should avoid “pessimistic realism” just because it is pessimistic, or avoid talking about very real and serious problems!)

Also if you have any tendency towards Aspergers/autism/spectrum that can definitely play an important role. Some speculate that autism is a “hyper-masculine” way of viewing the world, in the sense of logic, reason, thinking, possibly overthinking, haha, and also really struggling with relationships. And it’s certainly true autism spectrum conditions are MUCH more prevalent in men than in women. (I think, haha. Too lazy to find a good source.) This may all make the somewhat Aspergery man feel very alienated from women, which IMHO is not a good feeling!

I’ve also heard anecdotes of autistic men who do very well with women, simply because they always speak their mind and seem to have great confidence, don’t care what other people think, etc. But I’m guessing this is moreso the exception than the rule, and that these men are probably skewed towards being very physically attractive.

ANYWAY I don’t want to get off topic too much, but the themes in this thread are right in my wheelhouse, haha. Also I want to give a more “fair and balanced” view of MRA/MGTOW to the women, as this is not a men-only forum, and over the past several years, I’ve seen mentions of MRA in surprisingly mainstream media (or comment sections of), and they are always stereotyped as paranoid women-haters who can’t get over their own failure with women and therefore paint all women with the same brush. So I wanted to defend the legitimate concerns of MRAs, while at the same time admitting that yes, there can be a component of personal issues with women. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, haha.

As always feel free to keep this epic thread going!

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////END AUSTRALIAN QUALITYPOST

the OP is a spergy 30 year old virgin who is into some mgtow stuff and i can relate quite a bit to him, except he is more spergy, and more bipolar. and more mgtow. i am trying to gradually pull him over to white knight white nationalism hahahahaha, but he is probably too much in an misanthropic black pill nihilistic libertarian phase. maybe i will get banned from the forum for my woman-hating hahaha.

god forbid youre a woman hater, hahaha.

no i;m not really a woman hater! i’d much rather be remembered as a Huge Racist, than a woman hater!

im a sexist sure, but not a woman HATER!!!!

i’m a racist sure! but i dont…..well im dismayed by nonwhites in my neighborhood being annoying, and i am hugely dismayed by white women being huge whores. i dont like seeing women of my race throwing themselves away (and by extension, our race.) (but I guess even though women create life, the responsibility falls on the man to really guide the preservation of our race. and this has been real hard for me to come to terms with. how can women, who can get pregnant, who bear all the risks, not care about their race at all? i’m not sure. i’ll never be sure. but they just don’t.)

WELL….some women do. SOME women are still sensible enough to not even WANT to mudshark. SOME women are sensible enough to want to date men ONLY of their race. i just need to find those type of women, those are definitely my type of women.

its not just perception. its that rejection and loss is LEGIT PAINFUL.

its like you dont tell somebody with cancer to just get over it, cancer is legit horrible!

ok rejection and loss is not THAT bad, but its still legit pretty bad! it’s not all a matter of perception!

when somebody important LEAVES you in such a CALLOUS, SUDDEN way!

It’s not ESCAPING AN ABUSER. This is called ABANDONING A FRIEND. two very different things.

It’s not that I had no ownership over my feelings. It’s just that she had SOME ownership over my feelings too, because she was the one who rejected me! and she made no effort to be nice about it!

i wasnt asking her to not reject me! I was asking her to reject me a LITTLE nicer!!!!!

thats what i want her to understand! and the court of women to understand! I’m mature and reasonable enough to know I can’t EXPECT someone to LOVE me! But I CAN SORT OF expect someone ive known a long time and not abused or betrayed, to reject me a little more considerately!!!!!

but life isnt fair!

but nobody deserves this! life being unfair doesnt give anyone the RIGHT to BE unfair!

and i deserved better treatment from a friend of 2.7 years!

shit yeah i am harping on that point but thats my best argument.

really? THATS my BEST argument?

well its not a BAD argument, is it?

a better way to phrase it would be: we were friends for 2.7 years, couldnt you even write ONE EMAIL? ONE TEXT? ONE WORD?

wow. my RAM came in on wednesday and I quickly installed it without issue. even though i had never done this before. that was kind of confidence building but I wouldnt want to walk OTHER people through it! I didnt even realize that you couldnt used DDR3 with DDR2 motherboards! i thought things were Cross Compatible!

good thing I got the right kind of memory and it was recognized by the computer!

still dont know what SODIMM is. i just know now that DDR, 2, and 3 have the little notches in different places so they wouldnt even FIT in a different slot, youd have to BREAK it.

download SPECCY from piriform to show you all the specs of your computer that windows wont show you hahahahaha. like if you have DDR2 or DDR3 RAM. what your version of BIOS is.

i cant explain any of this stuff. I just know Its A Thing. I dont CARE to UNDERSTAND it. i’d like to see HER explain it.

id like if she would just talk to me wawawawawawawawawawawawawa

the right person wouldnt need to come BACK to you, because they would never LEAVE you in the first place.

or if they did, you would probably be in communication with the person and there would be a lot of mutual struggle back and forth.

not them not contacting you for 9 months. at that point they are not gonna come back. you shouldnt WANT them back!!!!!! but i do.

oh yeah. lyin ted dropped out. did i mention that? that is YUGE. i did not expect that at ALL. I thought he would fight right up to the convention. I mean this is good news, cant stump the trump hahaha.

something would be wrong with you if you DIDNT feel severe pain after a big loss. this is normal and healthy for humans. its not just PERCEPTION or ATTITUDE. when you Lose a Loved One you SHOULD be sad, sometimes VERY sad. And I’d rather be TOO sad than not sad enough! at least I know Im not a sociopath! SHES not sad ENOUGH!!!!! or maybe she is, shes just not telling anyone, hahaha. keeps the pain bottled up and just goes out and fooks and pretends everythings ok. fooks some random guys, creates a few random lives, gets a few random abortions, no big deal.

hahahaha. yeah I will never shy away from portraying women as not being respectful of Life. they live in a Culture of Death.

To That Woman:

I don’t really need to know or want to know WHY, I have a pretty good idea why, you were just overwhelmed and ran away. I just wanted you to Acknowledge my pain and feel a little sorry for my pain, because I felt great pain when you rejected me. Rejection is naturally, normally painful. I was responsible for managing my emotions and feelings, but I think you were responsible for treating me in a respectful way, and I just don’t feel that happened. Think if you were being rejected and didnt want a relationship to end. How would you want THEM to do it to you? And then try to act that way to me. Its just simple golden rule stuff. It’s not easy though, it does take courage, and I haven’t always had courage either.  It was just really painful for me and I wish you cared more about me and my pain. also when you do this, it makes me think I meant nothing to you, but I know I did. So I feel you are denying that I meant anything to you. I mean just as a friend. We werent just passing acquaintances or random people. We were both important friends to each other. When you lose an important person like that it is very painful. I really tried to handle this by talking to you and writing to you. I wish you hadnt turned away and blocked out everything I was trying to say to you. I think what I was saying was worth hearing, and our relationship was valuable enough not to be thrown away in the blink of an eye. We had something really special. Even just in terms of friendship. A friendship IS a kind of relationship, and it can be very very important. I thought we had that. I’d like to move forward in my life knowing that I was once an important person for you. I could never deny you were an important person for me. Just try to show some more concern for me as a human being. You sure used to. This is very hard for me and you truly do have the power to make it a little better for me, and I’d really appreciate it if you did. It’s just not right to block somebody like this unless they are ABUSING you. I’m not abusing you. I was just trying to communicate about an important issue that was affecting BOTH of us.

It just seems you have no conscience towards me. I just wish you felt worse about doing this to me. I mean you do have the power to talk to me. You just choose not to because its the path of least resistance. please show me some more courage than that. this is the last you’ll ever have to deal with me. Wouldnt you rather handle this in a good way than in a bad way? It’s really not like you to just leave me hurting. I know you don’t like me back but don’t punish or hate me for liking you. liking a person is a lot better than just blocking and avoiding them. Has me liking you hurt you nearly as much as you blocking me has hurt me?  I wish you were just willing to talk to me. this is just confusing and mind boggling for me. we used to talk about some pretty important things. lets just do that again, one more time, for the last time.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201410/whats-the-best-way-you-end-relationship

here are some good pointers on how to end a relationship in a healthy way.

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/how-break-up-gracefully

Or here. Or also ask someone in your family the best way to dump someone.

Basically, have a conversation in person, and allow the other person to be upset.

END LETTER PORTION hahahaha

Yeah I gotta do that more often. just write a paragraph a day. in letter form. addressing it directly to the person you cannot speak to, that really does help.

GRIP IT AND RIP IT.

I just wish women ACTED like they CARED about getting pregnant sometimes. Like WOW, thats a big deal, so I’m not gonna have casual sex. Becuase I dont want to get pregnant, I dont want to have any abortions, I dont want to use plan B.

I forgot plan B. Some women are so casual about getting Plan B that its Chilling. When I was in college I was hanging out with a female friend (who I did not have feelings for, and who was having Secs with other men, and I didn’t really care, because I didnt want to be having secs with her!) and she said, welp I gotta swing by planned parenthood and get some plan B. uhhhhh ok I said. and she did.

later I realized my ideal woman would not be so casual about swinging by planned parenthood and getting some plan b after a night with me, hahahaha. she would have better control over her body and say, ok Im on the Rag right now so its best that we wait a few days until that’s over, because when it comes to getting preggers, I DONT PLAY AROUND.

shit. if women cared about getting pregnant as much as I CARE about GETTING THEM PREGNANT…….women would me muuuuuuuch more sexually moral and the world would be a better place.

WOMEN SHOULD CARE ABOUT GETTING PREGNANT AS MUCH AS MEN CARE ABOUT GETTING THEM PREGNANT. 

yeah that is gonna become a post title soon hahahaha.

of course many MEN dont care either. theyre like, welp thats her problem, not mine. let her get the plan b or abortion.

I mean im the type of guy who wouldnt THINK of not wearing a rubber, because I don’t trust the woman to not have a disease! I don’t trust the woman to be on the pill! Besides, I don’t really like the pill anyway, I would prefer women dont take the pill. so it was kinda weird to hear my female friends in College talking about the pill and the Ring and Birth Control. and then god forbid plan B. plan B’s even worse, because its not just a Contraceptive, its an ABORTIFACIENT. I bet she would be too dumb to tell you the difference hahahaha.

Right To Choose and Abortion has just been brainwashed into women from a young age that they CANT EVEN SEE THE MORAL ASPECTS of the question. They’re just like, oh this is something modern women have the privilege to do. only religious freaks and women haters say other wise.

whereas if you really got them to THINK about it, really THINK about When Does Life Begin, you could probably convince a lot of women that Abortion is Wrong and thank God I never got an abortion before I realized how wrong it was.

So yeah I like that religious bullshit like make the woman look at an ultrasound first and read this pro-life material first.

that’s probably misogynist of me to think that women DONT EVEN THINK about it. how could you NOT think about it?

Well I honestly think many women try NOT to think about it because they’re afraid they might not be able to go through with it, if they thought about it enough. just get it done quickly before you change your mind. then once youve done it once, well, youve killed your child, no turning back now, hahahaha, you can do it again if needed.

its hard to know what the average woman thinks about abortion anyway. its not exactly an easy discussion to have with a woman.

i mean when i was in college and all the women were on BC and were raging leftists in luv with Barry and hating G Dubs, yeah it was pretty clear they were pro-murder hahahha. but that didnt mean they actually did it themselves.

Besides just because a woman votes for a shitty leftist doesnt mean she luvs abortion. i mean many women are so stupid theyll just vote for hillary because shes a woman. but they might not luv abortion per se. just vote for the woman who luvs abortion hahahaha.

just saying MY ideal woman would go on the record as being against abortion, think its horrible, and would have never done it.

its IMPORTANT and if ANYONE should have a STRONG OPINION on abortion, its WOMEN. I dont really want to think about it is NOT a valid answer.

Just like I would rather not know mudsharks or high-number sluts, I would rather not know any women who have gotten Abortions.

maybe if they had gotten “only” one and they were deeply remorseful for it.

i would still prefer zero abortions. OBVIOUSLY.

Shit one abortion is probably worse than being with one black guy , hahahahaha.

I will also forgive ONE black guy, especially if the woman is remorseful, like yeah that was a bad idea, i’ll never do that again, it’s only white guys from here on out. never again.

How much sluttiness would I forgive. not sure. def not more than 20 guys.

again, the POINT is they are GENUINELY REMORSEFUL. They say, that was a TERRIBLE IDEA. NEVER AGAIN. not “it was a phase.” or “i was young.” or especially “i don’t regret it.” NO. I WANT YOU TO REGRET IT. THATS THE WHOLE POINT.

I can admit when I was wrong, why cant you do the same?

I have regrets, why can’t you admit you have regrets?

this “no regrets” shit is STUPID.

DECENT PEOPLE HAVE REGRETS. 

also will be a poast title soon hahaha.

so yeah the way that woman dealt with this situation makes me wonder if she has the COURAGE NECESSARY to confront TOUGH MORAL QUESTIONS like playing the life creation game, slutting it up, mudsharking, abortions. we know she’s already mudsharked once! not cool at all! and i have no idea if she has remorse about mudsharking itself…..or if she just didnt like THAT guy and would still Fook OTHER black guys. is this REALLY the type of woman I want to be my WIFE, the MOTHER OF MY CHILDREN???!!?!?!?!  I couldn’t even trust her not to MVRDER those children!!!!!!

I thank GOD I’ve never had to be in an abortion situation, where I got a gurl preggers and we had to Decide What To Do…..even though ultimately it was up to her.

And I hope to never BE in that situation.

And so I wonder……how many women in My Generation have gotten abortions? 50%? that would be 2spooky5me!

how many men of my generation have knocked up a gurl and she got an abortion?

has it happened to my male friends? I’m not even CLOSE enough with anyone that they would tell me something like that.

And I feel I was once at the level of closeness with That Woman that she might have been able to tell me something like that.

I mean its DEFINITELY a conversation you should have if you are thinking about MARRYING someone!

I never told you i had an abortion because you never asked hahahahaha. I never told you Ive been with 20 black guys because you never asked!!!!

out of sight, out of mind. if she could ABORT me, she probably could ABORT a BABY too. Do I really want to be with someone like that? Do I really want to be with someone who could ABORT a relationship period? Do I want to be with someone who aborted ME??!?!?!?!?!?!?! That might be a bridge too far. There might be no reconciliation for that. well….. i forgive her….but she hasnt expressed any WANT for forgiveness!

when you ABORT someone, you SHOULD feel bad and seek forgiveness! many women who get abortions feel terrible and guilt and take a long time to forgive themselves and they beg for forgiveness from GOD. sometimes it makes their “relationship” with GOD stronger. and then you better believe they thing about the moral implications of ABORTION. Just too bad they had to have an abortion in order to do that!

I just dont like abortion and the women who have them, ok? hahahaha. Im entitled to my opinion, and I’m also entitled to JUDGE the women who have. well, only GOD can JUDGE, but I can sure say, i’d rather not associate with Abortioners! I don’t want MY wife to be an abortioner unless GOD decides to send me a woman who had one abortion and then repented for it.

and that would involve a lot of deep thought and deep conversation.

I’m just disgusted we live in a world where stupid cowardly young women can get abortion without even really realizing WHAT IT IS.

I seriously question if some of these women really UNDERSTAND what is going on in the Life Creation Process.

Which is frustrating as FOOK, because women play 99.99% of the role in the Life Creation Process! but they dont NEED TO KNOW ANYTHING about it!

its like the black box of object oriented programming. you don’t need to see the code inside the box, you just plop objects in and they supposedly do their job. so everything is reusable and portable and “extensible.”

yeah well we’re not programs gertie, we’re people hahahaha.

we get feelings, and fall in luv, and question whats right and whats evil.

at least the good ones do, hahahaha. the shitty ones just dont give a damn.

i so wanted her to give a damn about me as a person. to stand up and show some backbone when it REALLY COUNTED. this is it. its now or never.

well its not like I put her on the spot and said this is your ONE AND ONLY CHANCE. every time I asked her to hang out or Communicate Please was a chance.

we were both good at avoiding, but she was even better.

and REALLY? you couldnt send an email like One Month later, after she had Cooled Off, saying sorry about this?

Avoiding Something Forever is NOT the same as a Cooling Off Period.

besides, a cooling off period is usually only a few days. I can’t imagine a true cooling off period lasting a damn month. at that point, its a damn BREAK, and things are not looking hopeful.

but how about you let me know if you want a break also? not just say of course we’ll hang out soon. that is not what you say when you want a break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

anyway if a woman is openly pro-abortion and not ashamed of her abortion……stay away from that woman. that type of woman is NOT a good influence on your life. you can find better people than those losers, hahahahaha.

i just hate her thinking im a loser who she wants to cut out of her life, while she was a winner who i wanted to stay in my life.

my other friends dont try to shun me from THEIR lives!!! and its not like THEY are huge losers, and the only people that don’t shun me are themselves huge losers! so that is reassuring.

google how does quicken loans scam people hahaha.

so that would be a loan originator. then i wonder if they sell the loans to other companies for Servicing. Probably yes. see I just dont understand this. when do you stop “contracting out” service? why dont the servicers just sell it to another servicer? where does it end? why cant a company just service ITS OWN PRODUCTS? wouldnt they be in the best position to do so? they designed the product!

or probably they hired a damn consultant to design the products. doesnt even work for the company.

so what is the company? just a bunch of managers who hire 90000 other companies to do everythign for them.

see this makes no sense and they dont teach any of this in school. or college. i guess econ was the only thing that came close, in its story about making a pencil. economies of scale. its CHEAPER to have suppliers who all make one part of the pencil. so, same principle here. you just have seperate servicers for every product, every part of every product.

yet we could never find a person who knew enough about how our software interacted with a 3rd party piece of software. there was 1 person in the company who knew and he was on vacation, or he didnt have a phone. one does not simply CALL someone THAT high up!

and its not like these are C level executives. they might “just” be senior systems analysts or something. shit. still too important to get them on the phone.

it would be fine if you could say, oh, your problem is in xyz, let me transfer you to the xyz expert. because there wasn’t any xyz experts. everybody knew nothing about everything when you were expected to know everything about everything.

I like knowing everything about everything……but sometimes it does get to be too much.

at my previous job I prided myself on knowing everything about eveything, and others appreciated it too.

at my stupid job, I couldn’t possibly know everything about everything. there was no way to find out everything. there was too much hidden secret stuff. there was too much stuff in general.  you could make 1000 new flashcards a day and it still wouldnt help.

but because shit was so hard to FIND, it really WAS better to try to memorize everything. because you’re essentially just memorizing Where To Find it anyway, so you might as well memorize the thing you need to know. you dont just search the shit in google and find the right thing quickly.

you mean there is NO ONE in the WHOLE COMPANY who knows how this program works?

that’s what I’m telling you. yeah, it doesn’t make sense. Nope, we’re not third party contractors making 9 bucks an hour. we are full employees. your in-house help desk. not only do we not know how to fix this, we don’t know who CAN fix this. yes we are a very large very well known company that EVERYBODY has heard of, and this is frankly kind of embarrassing and it happens way too often for a company of this reputation.

i just wasnt good at handling these situations. maybe with some coaching or mentorship or leadership I could have gotten better. someone could have taught me that yeah that is actually the nature of this job, it is actually very counterintuitive, counter common sense, and you wont believe the level of incompetence and disorganization you see……but dont get frustrated, because thats perfect normal. here’s what to say to the person. tell them its NORMAL, tell them you get strange stuff all the time, and we fix it all of the time, we just need some time to Diagnose, so I will call you back in an hour. just let us look at this computer, don’t kick us off, we will probably be rebooting it a couple times, and you’ll see weird shit on the screen.

 

WONT BE WILLING TO WORK FOR IT IF U DONT HAVE FEELINGS

919

oy vey. had dream with the woman. how did it make me feel. unhappy. upset. i said “it doesnt matter” 10 times.

in the dream we were hanging out and she was being a total bitch, just not nice at all, just rude and shallow and horrible and mean and cold. she did not want to hang out just me and her and had to have one of her awful new friends with her. her new friends were awful slutty party gurls who i knew were being a Bad INfluence on her, and she was becoming more liek that.

i was being an asshole too, saying horrible things like how many guys you been with lately? and making all sorts of very sarcastic bitter remarks about how casual sex was such a great thing and i how she has as much casual sex as possible with as many guys as possible, etc, because its just sex and its fun.

and then she complained about a guy she was interested it was texting her but last time they were supposed to hang out he blew her off. oh did you have sex with him too? of course you just have secs with every guy friend, and you have a lot of guy friends! plus you are interested in him, so of course you did. lemme see some naked pictures of you. lets find those in your phone.

then she was like ok me and my friends are gonna hang out and party now, you can go now, see you later.

i was like uhhhhh and then as i was walking away i saw them all partying at their house and i was like see ya later, have fun being huge sluts, thanks for inviting me to your party, i dont like having fun anyway! and being very sarcastic. i of course wanted to continue to hang out so i could maybe get with her, esp if they were going to be drinking. i think in the dream i was drinking too!!!!!

so yeah the dream sucked, to see her turn into a huge slut, who was slutting it up with tons of guys, but i had no chance. not that a slut is a good gurlfran material, but when you realize a gurl is a slut, you think, welp i might as well have secs with her; but she likes having secz with tons of guys….but not you. you turn her off because you are a weak beta hahahaha. of course No Means No, but you are frustrated because she says YES to SO many other guys.

i was also angry abotu being kicked out early while they continued to Party.

this made me think of a time in july 2014 when my feelings were not well defined, were confused. i have stated this before as my Biggest Regret! she was super nice to me, we had a nice afternoon of going to dinner and the park and i thought maybe i should hold her hand or make out with her in the park, but i was still on the fence. she made a statement that i was a good friend. i said thank you you too. but she had just finished with her old boifran and i figured she would not date anyone for like 6 months at least, it would take her a long time to get over that. it would take me YEARS to get over THAT!

but i forget that not everybody is harshly dumped. in their case it was more they both agreed to end it because it wasnt going anywhere, and they both wanted out. see i have never experienced that. i always wanted IN, they always wanted out. a one sided termination, for a one sided luv hahahaha.

anyway i was thinking, well what do we do after the park. should we go back to her house and watch tv or something, because that will really be awkward, because i dont really want to make out, but what if she does.

so i made some excuse i was going to visit my male friend and play vidya games. i was confused and didnt know what i was doing. i think i said you can come along and meet my friend and play vidya games with us too. she said she would be nervous and i said dont be nervous bla bla bla. ultimately i never ended up doing anything hahahaha.

what if i had pushed instead to go to her house and watch tv. then we might have been able to cuddle or make out.

once my feelings became definitely in a few months after that, this was my exact plan. rather than bail out after dinner, then go back to her house and watch tv and try to cuddle. but by that time i was 100% she was Dating Somebody, and she never agreed to to hang out with me ever again hahahaha.

so…..lesson learned?

go with them back to their house and see if they WANT to cuddle or make out. maybe she wouldnt have even wanted to. at the VERY LEAST it would have started a CONVERSATION about how she felt about me, and how i felt about her. rather than me ducking out and avoiding the situation.

now there was never any EXPECTATION that i would go over there, and she never SAID “why dont you come back to my place”, well i think somebody said something like “what are you doing tonight” and i dont KNOW if that is a veiled, loaded statement which means “come back to my place and make out”. maybe if the WOMAN says it.

honestly i didnt know WHAT i wanted!  things were going well but this was the start of some tension.  i was running away from the chance to talk about that tension. then when I wanted to talk about the tension, she didnt want to.

well i wasnt sure she wanted to “Talk abotu the tension” but i didnt even give her the chance.

well theoretically we could have just talked about elsewhere, didnt HAVE to go to somebodys house.

i know that if i had hung out wiht her in october or beyond, i would have directly pushed to go to her house, and if she didnt want to, i would have had the big discussion In The Car!

but yeah, lesson learned, try to go back to the persons house even if you dont want to make out with them, because that will FACILITATE COMMUNICATION, and maybe they will tell you if they like you or if they dont, and you will have MORE INFORMATION.

like if they are all smiling at you like they want you to make out with them, you can be like listen, you are a veyr pretty gurl but im just not ready yet. but i think i could get there. lets keep talking about this. its been on my mind too. lets just take it really slow ok? well ok lets try making out for 1 minute and see how it feels hahahaha.

but its good that we are talking about this openly, lets continue to do that ok.

well she did not push me to come over though. but i dont think nonslutty gurls do this. it was up to me to say “nope im not doin nothin, maybe we could watch tv or something, smoke some MMJ” and she could say ok wanna come over and i would say yes.

but i wanted to AVOID that situation all together, beucase i guess at that time, i was really Weirded Out by the idea of Making Out with her. !!!!

anyway yeah like i say, this was my biggest regret regarding her or at least one of them. and this dream brought it right to the front of my mind.

lesson learned: ALWAYS go to their house EVEN IF you dont want to make out, because then you can work on your communication. have a talk like: do you like me? do i like you? maybe i could. just right now would be kinda weird. let me think abotu it a few more weeks, and lets keep talking about this, lets not push this under the rug, cuz this is important. oh youre dating somebody right now? oh i didnt know that. yeah that just sparked something in me. lets make out now hahahaha.

i was worried about Having To Reject Her if she Jumped on me hahahahah.

lesson learned: dont worry abotu that. let her jump on you. you might come to enjoy it. really the transition from Just Friends to I was in Luv with her took like 1 month. from mid september i whined “but the spark isnt there” then in mid october i was “ok i was wrong, the spark is now there!!!!”

so say gimme a month babe, just gimme one month to soul search and for us to keep talking about this. i am glad this topic has been broached. lets keep this line of communication open. i am thnakful for our friendship and you are a pretty gurl and i’ve thought about this and i thought it was weird that i didnt feel anything….well i didnt feel nothing. i am honestly on the fence right now. i honestly could go either way. i am confused. i will try to get unconfused as quickly as possible so as not to leave you hanging. cuz you are a nice person, and attractive, and its stupid that i am not in luv with you right now.

but i know from experience that i can convert from platonic to non platonic, but there is a transition. but the transition itself migth only take a month. sothats not that bad. give me a month. and we will continue to be in communicado all throughout.

thisis much different that how she responded to my requests for communication. i said i could give you time and space but i cant do this forever, please give me a timeline. 1 month? 2 months? 3 months? i would have told her 1 month, and also the door would be open for communication during that month! it wouldnt be 1month with no contanct, it would be 1 month for me to go thru the transition from platonic to nonplatonic! big difference!

ok did a 3.6er.

so. lesson learned, in something i should have done, for me to feel guilty about, another way i ruined the rel. well i cant look at it like that, a way of me ruining the rel would be me beating her an refusing to stop; or her begging me to talk about our rel and me angrily refusing to talk or go to a shrink hahahahaha;  but NOT me refusing to push to go to her damn house once!

in fact, the next time i hung out with her, i thought, well, maybe this time i WILL ask to go to her house. i said what you doin tonight? in a way that said i might be interested in hanging out moar. and then she said she had to do something errands. this was in august and she was certainly dating that guy; and one of the last times we really hung out.

you dont go from frineds to love feels overnight, it takes a few months or a month of soul searching. but i was more open to the idea in august than i was in july. i was WARMING up to it!

anyway, point is, if she really wanted to commuincate about it, she would have. period.

i really wanted to communicate about it, so bad, that i was pushing and pushing her. if she wanted to talk about it, if she were in luv with me, she would have pushed me. she didnt push me at all.

well true love doesnt PUSH. well maybe not but it DOES talk when the other person clearly wants to talk! you dont HAVE to push! or at least not very hard for very long!

so now iim thinking i ruined this, i was to blame, it was my fault, basically because i did not make out with her in july 2014, when i was not ready to do so!

well, more accurately, that i should have directly addressed the topic then: do you like me? do you want me to make out with you? and instead of asking that, i avoided it, and maybe if i had asked it, things would have been different, and she would have liked me. see how that is kind of ridiculous? within 3 months of that i knew i liked her, yet by then it was too late. if she came back to me within 3 months and said i like u i would definitely say oh yeah lets get it started in hurr.

also if she were being eaten up by unexpressed luv for me, that she was unable to commuincate to me…..i mean shit were STILL HANGING OUT. if i could have got her to hang out even ONCE when I wanted to commuincate, i wouldnt NEED to go back to her HOUSE, assuming she didnt WANT me to. i would have just waited until we were in the CAR, then i’d say LISTEN theres something i need to talk to you about.

she could have done that! assuming she liked me. and i dont think she did hahahaha.

i was thinking the city of cluj something in romania might be a good place to live. its a huge city of 700,000 people, yet nobody has ever heard of it outside of romania, and it is right in the “transylvanian” region, its the biggest city in “transylvania” which is pretty sweet hahahaha. and the romanians are a proud and strong people and will probably defend their country, culture, and people for the rest of my lifetime hahahaha. are the women huge degenerate whores? probably not as bad as they are in US hahahaha.

ukraine or poland or moldova or maybe even russia hahahaha or hungary would also be good.

was she really GOOD to me? well, she was really nice to me in the beginning. but near the end, ie after my feelings came on, no she was not really nice to me. she was not really doing anything special at all. the only benefit was the chemicalz in muh brain, the endoprhins and oxytocins. that was all me being in love with her, not her doing anything special for me.

my book says love is an action, love is doing, its more than words. well she was not giving any words or actions!!!! well she gave some nice words in the past, like inviting me to shit when she was still with her boifran. and i was like isnt that weird.

of course later i said waawawaawawaw i wish i had gone with you to that thing you had invited me to two summers ago hahahaha.

so yeah she was cold and awful near the end. if she really wanted she could have been nice and warm like she used to be, like i wanted her to be. but she clearly didnt really want to be!!!!

but yeah i still prefer being in luv than being luved. because whats the point if you dont have any feelings for them? then you have to be the bad guy, and rejecting them, etc.

took like 18-20 hours to recover from that god damn nyquil hahahaha. but the sleeping was pretty good! its possible the deep stupor sleep of the nyquil caused me to have that stupid dream about the woman!!!! well it perhaps makes you have moar dreams.

hehe i totally would have been down to see a Relationship Shrink, thats how desperate i was. besides i go to a shrink anyway on the reg. i just would have brought her in a couple times and the shrink would say you should cmmuincate moar hahahaha. no this is not a middle class shrink where you pay 500$ a session. this is a solid working class social worker shrink!!!!!

i mean if you already HAVE a shrink, why not bring in your Partner when you have Relship problems!

basically i wanted to fix things or at least FACE them, and she didn’t. the end. she would rather just walk away than FACE them. this happens ALL THE TIME.

basically, if she WANTED the relationship to continue, she would have done something.

also, even if i avoided Going Back To Her House in July 2014 Once, even though she did not speicifically invite me…..i STILL HUNG OUT WITH HER at SOME level.

this is entertaining the hypothesis that she might have liked me in the past, which causes me a lot of regret. but yeah evidence seems to point towards she didnt like me. so i dont even need to entertain those unentertaining hypotheses.

so your a mid twenties woman and you dont know how to dump a guy correctly, even though youve have 5 long term boifrans and 50 short term boifrans and dumped them all?

just type it in to google! how to dump a guy!

http://www.wikihow.com/Dump-a-Guy-Without-Upsetting-Him

actually the first page of google results is NOT very helpful. there is stuff like “how to dump a guy in a mean way” and also long lists of warning signs and red flags and signs you should Dump Him Right Now!!!!!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/rachelwmiller/how-to-break-up-with-someone-like-an-actual-adult#.kdyREmlVL

https://omghow.com/articles/dump-a-guy

basically the stuff I was saying.

  1. be definite that its over, no chance of getting back together.
  2. be respectful and listen to him, let him talk
  3. acknowledge it was an important relationship
  4. its not you its me.

how do women not know this? ive never dumped anyone and i know this, theyve dumped 100000000 guys and they still have no idea, still dump guys in the same horrible ways over and over again, after adding yet one more to their number hahahaha.

http://teens.webmd.com/features/how-to-break-up-with-someone

WebMD For Teens has some good advice that it would be nice if some so called ADULTS used hahahaha yeah im talking about mah woman.

do it in person and be aware their feelings will be hurt. but be firm.

so basically she was the perfect woman for me, but she didnt like me.

so that means if i find a crappy woman i dont respect, but she DOES like me, should i date her? i dont think so, because why should i date somebody i dont even like?

i guess i could use them as a Practice Gurl to gain confidence and experience though. hahahaha. but dont lead them on. i wouldnt even want to break the heart of a poor degenerate practice girl!

i dont want to break anybodys heart!

i would PREFER to be friends with the woman first, rather than feel Rushed into Sex, like so many women rush into sex and then decide they have no feelings for the man and dont want a rel with him. then you shouldnt be having secs with him, ya crazy whore!

like i told woman2, i like you but can we please take it a little slower???!?!?!! i havent had secs with anyone in a very long time! please!

but then thats a sign of unmasculinity, and you’ll never get to have S with them at ALL hahahaha. dumb dirty bitches.

well when you are just friends first, then you get a chance to really get to KNOW the person and VET them and make sure they pass all your tests (for exmaple, being nonpromiscuous, not rushing into secs with strange men!) BEFORE you develop feelings for them.

then they end up dumping you like you were a creepy stranger who never really knew them and paying no respect to the real friendship you once shared.

two to make it, one to break it!

there needs to be more shame on the person who Just Falls Out Of Luv hahahaha. so if a wife Falls out of luv with her husband after 10 years, and they have 3 kids, and she doesnt want to Work On It, because Working On It wouldnt Work, i just cant fall back in luv with him, and i want out! well that is fookin stupid and she should be shamed and shunned.

ANYWAY the difference between this an a real rel, is that the two of us NEVER agreed to be In A Rel. it was ALL one sided. well the friendship was two sided. the friendship was real. but it kinda HAS to end when i get moar feelings, and she doesnt. i GET that.

anyway dont be afraid to ask your female friends how they feel about you; how they feel abotu other guys; how long they have to know a guy before spreading the babbymaker. hopefully a veyr long time. but probably not, in this matriarchal r-selected ghetto hahahaha. quantity not quality.

well i think if you have been in a longterm rel, like over a year or so, and you Just Fall Out Of Love, then you OWE IT TO YOUR PARTNER, is your RESPONSIBILITY to them, to try to understand why this is happening, and to do something to fix it. are they boring as fook? maybe its YOU who are boring as fook, and by going something fun, you can inspire him to be more fun.

hahahahah i am just used to seeing women giving up and leaving at the first sign that everything is not perfect. like a damn deadbeat coward. never willing to take any damn RESPONSIBILITY or do any WORK, expecting everything to be EASY ALL THE TIME. fook you you CHILD.

i know this isnt always all the case. i know she herself was willing to work when SHE had feelings. i guess thats the way feelings, and working for a rel, goes. you are invested in it, you want to make it work, etc.

when you have feelings you are willing to work for it.

in order to be willing to work for it, you have to have feelings.

you wont be willing to work for it if you dont have feelings.

hehehe in some rare cases you might have feelings but not be willing to work on it??? then you are a fookng moron hahaha i cant help ya. idiot.

if you are in a rel you should communicate semi regularly about the state of your rel. like if someone wants to bail out like a quitter, because youre not fun or interesting any more hahahaha. youre not entertaining the little child enough hahahaha.

like a baby with a gun.

except its way easier to respect children, because they have the valid excuse of BEING CHILDREN, plus they dont actually slut it up like promiscuous whores, becuase they are prepubescent and innocent and dont even know what secs is!

basically you shouldnt be able to adult things like secs and secsual reltionshits, if you are not a damn adult! based on the way you act and treat people and communicate, all in shitty immature ways.

so i stopped being fun? thats a fallacy, i was full of fun things to do, but she never wanted to do them!!!!! she wouldnt even hang out with me!

but thats my fault because i am an unfun person trying to do fun things??? but cant get peopel to do fun things with me, because i myself am unfun? to women at least? fook you!!!!

i mean i might be. i was fun enough to be friends with, but NEVER fun enough to be lovers with?

well even though i never had a long term lover, i have no EVIDENCE that it was the lack of FUN that caused it. i mean the only 2 women i had even short term rels with were crazy.

i dont think they were BAD PEOPLE though.

anyway. yeah i will survive but i dont feel i will ever meet someone who is so compatible with me, who i like so much, and feel so close to.

but recognize that she never really DID anything for me, near the end. she didnt put a damn thing INTO the rel, like i did. all that was attaching me, was my own attachment to her, ie, my luv for her. NOT her luv for me, because she didnt have any!

where were the heartfelt emails and heartfelt christmas card messages for me?

so yeah i was doing all the work, cuz i was the only one with feelings!

i can’t fault her for not having feelings for me, i just wish she had told me earlier. and not sent damn mixed messages that we would talk some day. and i wish she had tried a nicer way of “breaking up”, even a text or an email, than NOTHING AT ALL. that is rough for anyone, especially sensitive old ME.

hint: when you have to remind your “friend” that “are you aware that its been 5 months since weve actually hung out?” that is a very bad sign.

this is really only POSSIBLE if you see each other in a nonhangout way, like working. otherwise you just wouldnt have SEEN them in 5 months and then it would make it easier for you to accept that its over, and for you to Disengage. Detach.

its just weird and hard to see someone every day you used to hang out with, used to be better friends with, and now you never hang out with them, and they are pulling away from you. and there is nothign you can do about it!

you can accept it, change it, or leave, sayz muh book. i would have Bent Over Backwards to change anything she wanted me to…..except stop bugging her apparently. well because i wanted to talk to her tho. i couldnt stop bugging her. also i couldnt change her in the sense that i couldnt MAKE her luv me!

and she couldnt change me from luving her, she sure couldnt accept it, so that left her with only leaving.

i could not accept that she did not want to talk to me. uhhh what did i try to change. not sure. i tried to back off her for a little while but i couldnt do that forever cuz…..i still wanted to talk. i guess i was trying to change THAT situation by trying to make her talk. i kept doing that until SHE left. hahahaha.

accept it, change it, or leave hahahahaha.