POLITICAL BELIEFS CAN BE CHANGED. YOU KNOW WHAT CANT BE CHANGED?

july 31

had dream with HER, first one in a while, i guess it goes in phases. for a while i was having a dream with HER every few days. then it stopped. now its back again haha.

in this one i was in muh old childhood home and she was sleeping upstairs in muh bedroom. muh famly didnt know she was up there. i was trying to get her out of the house unnoticed. ok this was my fault, i take responsibility for that. i was wrong hahaha.

although i think there was the implication that we were “back together” after the previous drama. which is usually bad news.  she’ll just end up dumping you again for the same stupid reasons, namely, youre not manly enough and can’t Lead her strongly enogh. you cant tame her hahahaha.

an interesting part was when she got up and started showing me all this school related stuff on the computer. she was SO EXCITED about going back to school and doing a business degree, and not at ALL excited about being with me. being left for a DEGREE. people are more excited about SCHOOL or CAREER than they are about YOU.

she was showing me this business article and was like ISNT THAT INTERESTING???!?!?!?! It was full of stupid jargon and I was like this doesnt make any sense, and I was mad, was she trying to show how she was SMARTER than me, because this complicated stuff made sense to her, so it made sense for her to leave me to go to school. when i was just frustrated and i could probably make snse of the article if she werent shoving it in my face and also LEAVING ME.

and she’s like why dont you go back to school, and i was like I already have a degree, AND I went back to school after that. I have like 1.5 degrees and it hasnt helped my career any. yeah yeah because i am a miserable low confidence lazy neet with personal issues. so of COURSE you shoudl leave me. i dont deserve to be with you, right? its my fault. so go back to school and get a better career with your business degree. its all so much more interesting and exciting and fun than being with a horrible loser like me.

yes i know being passive aggressive like that is bad! but it shows some of my very real insecurities.

Being left to work on school and career, when i HATE school and career and find personal relships much more important.

its like SHIT. I would WANT a good rel to help emotionally strengthen me while I went through the emotional Struggle of working on school and career. i would not want to face that without a good GF to cuddle with after the long days of failure hahahaha. recharge the confidence that is worn down every day.

but yet it happens all the time that people leave a rel to focus on school and career, esp with young 20s people. i dont have TIME for a REL right now.

really what they mean is they dont want to be with YOU any more. i wish they’d just say THAT.

this never really happened to me, although the women I was interested it did go on to be Powerhouses in School and Career. I was just never that involved with them that they had to LEAVE me FOR career.

now That Woman was not really like that. I could never see her doing a Business Degree. I liked that she was not obsessed with skool, and saw skool as a “necessary evil” rather than something great and awesome to be worshipped. she was not chomping at the bit to go back to school and neither was I.  most gurls (that arent mudshark pill popping white trash) are like i wanna get my masters in health care administration and work for humana health care as a senior area developer leader coordinator, adding value for the workgroup and changing patients lives while also making this the most successful health care organization in the country.

anyway, i HAVE been “left” for previous ex boifrans. a really obnoxious skinny jeaned annoying phaggot hipster who went on to a career in environmental activism, democratic party activism, and probably law skool.  a wimpy boring skinny guy who seemed too weak and boring and beeta to pull a woman, but he must have been really charming in private, who left a sweet university job to do a phd in antiwhite marxism. and lets not forget The Black Guys. never fun when they’d rather date black guys than you.

black guys and fooking antiwhite commies. are all more datable than me apparently hahahahaha.

the common denominator was that all these guys were more confident, charismatic and better with women than me. well, i dont know abotu that one wimpy guy hahahaha. but hey she STILL picked him over me!

anyway the dream was not fun. she had a big role in it and i saw a lot of her. too much of her. no not her naked body jeeeeez.  but just spending time with her. in a damn dream. maybe i could convince her not to leave me. but probably not. especially not by being weak and whiny and complaining that skool sucks! no, skool doesn’t suck, YOU just suck! thats why you can have 1.5 degrees and STILL do nothing with your life! you gotta get EXCITED about it! you gotta BELIEVE! you cant just go through the MOTIONS! you get out what you put it! you gotta really WANT it! you cant just show up and do your work and get A’s. you gotta really ATTACK it! gung ho!

the employers will know if your HEARTS not really in it!!

oh no baby, please dont leave me, i will be happy about you going back to skool, shit i will go back to skool myself, see i’ll take this online class in management, see, i’m going back to skool too omg its so interesting and awesome and also good for my career too! isnt it neat seeing what makes companies grow? i swear im smart enough to understand this intelligent business school stuff! and i find it genuinely, honestly, sincerely interesting and important, i swear!   just please dont leave me!!!!!

wow hahahaha.  the desperation is insane. off the charts.

so yeah that dream sucked. brought all this stuff right up to the surface. and its already there hahaha.

but it had that interesting element i had to mention: when the gurl is more interested in school and career than she is in YOU. and leaves you for a career. and looks down on you and leaves you because you ARENT more interested in skool and career. even though technically youre 3 times more educated than her hahahaha. she conveniently forgets about that.

not that i put much stock in the value of education. i just want to be credited for the stupid amount of education i do have.  i just like pointing out that i have 6 full time years of College and it hasnt gotten me anywhere hahaha.

but THEORETICALLY that keeps me busy from ages 18 to 24. and then I have a few years of work in there. so in Real World Terms, I am like 27 or 28 years old, which is really not too bad, not TOO far behind my actual age! And here I thought I had the maturity level of a 16 year old, hahahaha, when I’m really about as mature as a 27 year old hahahaha.

or, i’ve only really wasted 5 or 6 years, not 13 or 14 years.  that is helpful to remember. i just got 8 years of my life back! thats enough to get a phd of electrical engineering hahaha.

so i was thinking, joos like abortion and casual secs so much, what happens when their little jooish slut daughters get preggers at age 18? you’d think they’d just get an abortion because that’s the smart thing to do, but……..don’t joos value jooish life? at LEAST in terms of a jooish BABY is worth a lot of SHEKELS? like arent there jooish ADOPTION agencies that try to get jooish babies to jooish people who can’t have children of their own? or, generally, wouldnt a jooish baby be worth even more money than a white baby?  so why abort it when you can sell it? its a jooish moral / economic dilemma. like free ham hahahahahahahaha.

WELL, its probably a lot easier to abort if the joo gurl had a half goy baby.

BUT joo gurls also slut it up with joo boys at joo camp and JCC, so, theres a good chance of them having a fully jooish baby too.

that thought crossed my mind the other day. like, arent educated intelligent profession joos a bit CONFLICTED about aborting their own babies? cuz they are pretty racist and want the jooish population to grow.

yeah but its orthodox joos who are having all the babies. the educated professional ashkenazim are practically swpls in their antinatalism.

soooo…..what if i get offered this 10 dollar an hour part time job? i am thinking I should just take it hahaha.  but why do i think i even have a chance? because this is the SECOND time i am interviewing with this group. i mean for a second job. the first time i interviewed i said yeah you’ll see my name again for this other job. and they rejected me for the first job, and are now bringing me in for the second job.

well shit it would be AWKWARD to be rejected for TWO jobs at the SAME place, after interviewing with the SAME people, probably the same questions.

well, at this point, NOTHING would surprise me. the master of rejection here. I’ve been rejected every way you can THINK of, and I’m sure I’ll be rejected plenty more in ways I haven’t even thought of yet.

but yeah. plenty of people break up then “get back together”, they are still regularly hanging out, but “they aren’t back together, they arent dating.” well what ARE they doing? are they FOOKING? probably. are they FOOKING while the guy wishes he had the gurl BACK and the gurl is one foot out the door dating and fooking OTHER guys at the same time? just waiting for the guy to get jealous so she has an excuse to dump him again? probably.

and i thought i was bad at relationships! at least I dont go around Actively Jooing people like WOMEN do! they DO tons of stuff that is shady and jooish af! i would rather be honest and say baby this isnt working out, lets not kid ourselves, lets not joo each other. we’re done and there should be NO CONTACT. go fook your ingras and your social justice lawyers and your business school articles and your Management Career. they can fook you better than i can apparently.

dont put EARRINGS on BABIES. jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezum crow. this is SO trashy. it just seems SO unnatural and its pretty frustrating how normie idiots can’t see that its so unnatural.

not even getting interviewed for jobs that pay 15k a year. or getting interviewed and NOT getting the job. that pays 15k a year. experience the shame of THAT failure hahahaha.

that woman was always rather anti-police, but would she have gone ALL IN with that as so many people have recently? obviously its turned into a BIG political issue. might she have said, this is too much, i dont want to be lumped in with these black lives matters fanatics, and these black THUGS, i am gonna take my own side here, and if i’m gonna be pro-white, I pretty much should be pro-police too?

or will she take the side of the black thugs?

i’ll never know, hahahahahaha.

this COULD have been a point of disagreement between us….but i also dont think it would have been a big deal, because a Good Man can Guide and Mold and Direct his woman, and I could have made her understand that supporting black thugs was a bad idea.

she is anti-police for completely different reasons than loving black thugs anyway.

so yeah im not worried about differences in political opinions, because those can be CHANGED.

YOU KNOW WHAT CANT BE CHANGED?

Actions you did in the past: cheating, lying, cox you fooked and sucked, abortions, babies you murdered, degenerate, disgusting, evil shit you DID.

i dont give a SHIT about Media Constructions of Female Beauty, or airbrushed models or shit. you know what I DO give a shit about?

Average Normie QT 20 year old gurls in BATHING SUITS at the beach or pool or whatever. that you can find in bumfook kansas. these gurls are not EXTRAORDINARY. they are just not OLD or FAT. they are Normal, Young, QT girls, and when you put them in bathing suits and you see their bodies, you are about to explode in your pants. nothing fake or airbrushed or constructed about it WHATSOEVER.

i dont want anorexic models or movie stars! i wanted HER in all her 7/10 glory in a bathing suit with her pasty white skin and wide hips and fat thighs and fat cottage cheese ass and weak chin and zits and big nose! but at 24/25, she was SO YOUNG! and she had NO KIDS! and she was WHITE! and a 7! and had been with less than 5 guys! and was NICE to me for 2 years!

so yeah i hate that particular media lie that men have unrealistic expectations of female beauty because of patriarchy. No, we have PERFECTLY reasonable expectations of female beauty. just give us a 7/10 who isnt fat or old. PERIOD.

but i concluded recently that 7/10 WAS NOT reasonable for a guy with my low value, i should be expecting 6s or 5s.

hmmm.

but 50% of marriages end in divorce and WOMEN initiate 66% of all endings of relationships. sure maybe sometimes they dump the man for good reason. but I’d argue that 50% of the time, they dump him for a stupid reason.

just as women are the CHOOSERS, they are also the REJECTORS, and they are TERRIBLE at both choosing AND rejecting!

oh so youre a single mom? didn’t pick the greatest guy to make a new human life with eh? and now your baby’s life is an eternal reminder that you dont know how to pick a man.

well thats what SHE was though. so maybe it makes sense that SHE doesnt know how to pick a man either. but she picked a man she was with for 4 years!!!!! but thats all over. but what if she gets back together with him? would that make me happy? well, better than her being a slut and or getting with black guys.

why didnt the old bf just marry her? he was a little weird, but he was with her for 4 years. maybe he cheated on her. i dont think he did tho. he was just stubborn and grumpy and autistic and very much in a rut. and she STILL didnt leave him! HE left HER!!!!! how i wuold have liked to have that level of dedication and faithfulness and loyalty and willingness and effort from her!!!!!

so he left her and moved forward with his life. kinda like she left ME and moved way forward with HER life. and I moved BACKWARD. i didnt even stay at the same spot, i moved BACKWARDS!!!!!!!!

somebody holding you back….vs not having someone is whats holding you back, but you gotta learn how to move forward without them. so you plow forward without enthusiasm, without passion, and then learn thats just not good enough, employers want you to have passion or at least fake passion convincingly, and its very hard for me to fake that convincingly, but i try. but my trying isnt good enough.

anyway i will bang other sluts but i will still want her. i wont commit to them and luv them the way i would commit to her and luv her.

it feels like i will NEVER get over her. maybe its time to start seeing a shrink and taking meds hahahaha. OH WAIT.

i dunno. i guess i stopped working hard cuz i was TIRED of the hard work never paying off. might as well give up and not work if youre gonna get the same result anyway.

these women. its all about secs and fooking with these women. they have no idea what hearts or feelings or luv or romance or intimacy or connection is. the only that matters to them is a coq pounding a cvnt and then exploding all over their face for the camera omg lol. men are such sensitive romantics and women are such pornographic, jooish degenerates. how is it that men and women were designed to be together? homosexuality makes more sense!

shit i can see why people cast these voodoo spells and shit. and BEG For GOD to MAKE this person COME BACK. dear GOD change this persons mind and MAKE THEM luv me, because i dont want anybody but them.

how do you know when youre ready to meet new people? for example, right NOW i probably SHOULD meet new people, but I dont WANT to , i dont FEEL im over her, I still WANT her. but its POSSIBLE meeting new people would make me FORGET about her and ACTUALLY move on. becuase its been TOO DAMN LONG and I am CLEARLY HUNG UP on her.

so how about i just TRY banging other women and if i dont like em as much as i liked her, then i dont have to commit to them, and can make them get abortionz hahahahaha. like you care about human life anyway. just get another damn abortion.

i wonder how many abortionz she got in the past year. i wonder how many guys she fooked in the past year. 1? 2? 3? 4? 5? 6? 7?

i shouldnt even care but i do.

half of it is the job/career situation, ie, her moving UP, and me moving DOWN. that rustles me to NO end.

and That IS all my fault. for being too weak to handle the tough situation. the heat got too high, and i had to get out of the kitchen hehehe. she survived and became stronger for it.

but she wasnt facing nearly the same “heat” I was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how do you TRAIN on internal company things where you cant just google it?

well, just take your best guess and then ask the manager the right way to do it when they write you up for it, and hope you dont get fired for it.

11th interview on tues, 12th interview on thurs. nice. i am sure i will be nervous and rambling and not get the jobs hahaha but at least i will look good.

but yeah its stupid that you can never know or trust or be close to a woman, even if you are fooking them, even if you have known them for years. they are always god damn STRANGERS. no matter how well you think you know them.

how well did i really know her? how close of friends were we REALLY? i just dont know any more. so even the good parts seem fake. even if they werent.

i mean i WANT To be over her. aaaaannnnndddd its been a YEAR of no contact. im not over her but i really WISH i was over her. therefore, time to start hanging out wiht other sluts from okcupid hahahaha. and bang them. just go to the lake on summer day, look at them in a bathing suit, smoke MJ, well, have them smoke MJ and you can pop valiums, contemplate whtether their body is bangable, and then bang them when you leave, and then if you never want to see them again, you dont have to. besides do you want a woman who gives it up on the first date to be the mother of your children? do you want to show them to your family and say this SLUT is my WIFE?

my WIFE is a SLUT but this is the BEST i could get who didn’t leave me right away?

i want a nonslut but I dont DESERVE that! I’m not good enough to get what I want!

also when i do these interviews, its not like i freeze up. i start rambling and muh voice gets shaky and i am clearly nervous, but i survive them, i get through them, i dont run out the room screaming or anything.

if i had a gf who was pressuring me to go back to skool or she’d leave me, i would be thankful that she would be willing to let me do something to prevent her from leaving hahahahahahaha rather than jsut walk out and say THATS IT, IM DONE. then i would take 1 class at a time in fooking CNC machining or mechatronic or something and be like ya happy now baby? im ambitiously working on my career. i have career goals nao.  now how about your suk muh dik every time i do 20 minutes of skoolwork. and swear on your father that you will never leave me hahahahahaha. ok if you want to leave me, then hire a SHRINK to do it NICELY. and pay me 10k and give me a pound of indica MJ. and give me 100 more tapering off bangs, and send your slutty friends over to bangme. let me bang your mom and sisters too. THEN you can leave me hahahahaha.

hey it SUCKS to be LEFT. bitches act like they never been LEFT before. if they had, they would KNOW it sucks.

go back to skool or i will LEAVE you.

i will go back to skool if you promise to NOT LEAVE me

hahahahahaha

two sides of the same coin hahaha.

like i say, its better than just waking up one day and BOOM theyre ALREADY GONE, and THATS IT.

well, they’re not leaving you because they were NEVER WITH YOU.

just set a meeting with a shrink and have the shrink dump me. or hire a Process Server to Serve me with Papers. just make sure to take a FEW MINUTES to write down exactly everything you’re trying to communicate. say you want out, its over, and nothing will make you change your mind.

fine, im not gonna MAKE YOU STAY, im not an ABUSER. just say SORRY for breaking my HEART. you didnt like it when YOUR heart was broken. neither does anyone else, STUPID. hahahahaha.

if you have a picture of you with bill gates, then that will PROVE to people that you are SMART. you might not seem smart right now, but here’s me with bill gates.

doesn’t have to be bill gates. it can be anyone rich and famous who is generally accepted as smart. a supreme court justice.  magic black science man neil degrass tyson. magic asian science man michio kaku. steve jobs. mark jooerberg. the winkelvoss twins. anybody like that. then have that picture handy whenever anyone doubts your smarts. which they will do every day of your life when you are a gainfully employed bigboy.

maybe i SHOULD at least APPLY for Disability (SSI) because it would be SOME income in between jobs hahahaha.  i mean you usually get rejected the first time anyway, then i would have to pay for a LAWYER, etc.

woudl THAT come up in a background check?

MAYBE. probably.

why CANT a single mother teach their daughters how to pick good men? cant the single mother learn from their mistakes, and make sure their children learn from their mistakes?

because its all genetic. 100% nature hahaha. the apple does not fall far from the tree. if your mother picks bad men, you will probably pick bad men too. period. the end.

did nice 5 mile powerwalk

only burns 370 calkories

oh well.

i thought, its annoying when women tell men, you need some time by yourself, alone, to work on yourself, no one else will love you until you learn to love yourself and be comfortable by yourself.

i say thats total bullshit because when have THEY ever been without a rel for TEN YEARS or more. once you have been alone for TEN YEARS, or even “just” FIVE years, I say, you’ve been alone LONG ENOUGH, at this point, being single for so long is gonna hurt you more than its gonna help you “love yourself.” now youre gonna feel bad about being alone for so long! these women and people saying “you gotta love yourself first” have not been without a rel, without a gf or bf or whatever, for TEN FOOKIN YEARS, during the majority of their 20s.

THEY DONT KNOW WHAT THEYRE TALKING ABOUT.

NEVER LISTEN TO RELSHIP ADVICE FROM WOMEN. THEY DONT KNOW ANYTHIGN ABOUT RELSHIPS.

isn’t that funny? aren’t women supposed to be relationship oriented? all about rapport and getting along and all that? chit chat?

then why is it always DRAMA with them?

because they dont know SHIT about relationships!

but they are always IN relationships because…..

cmon you know it……..

WOMEN ARE THE SUPPLY, MEN ARE THE DEMAND.

so yeah i have been not even close to dating a woman for over 10 years. and i feel it has TWISTED me into a rusty twisted weird old man who just doesnt know HOW to have a real rel with a person.  well, with a woman at least.

shit ***I**** Know more about how relationships work than most women do, and Ive never been in one!!!!!!

i think when i was happiest…..and it was when i was just hanigng out with HER.

but i’m not ALLOWED to think of those happy times any more. well, i’m ALLOWED, but i know i SHOULDNT.

and technically that was the closest i ever had to a relship with a woman before. i’ve been friends with women before, but those gradually faded out after a couple years, esp after they moved far away. this one didnt fade out. i just kept getting deeper and deeper feelings until shit EXPLODED like a god damn nucular bomb hahahaha.

i dont even want to tell george feels that his interest in programming and coding is a fools errand. i was in his same position. i took a bunch of classes, including some in depth c++ coding. the main thing it taught me was that I could NEVER get a job in this. you have to know SO much just to get an entry level job. which are all being sold out to indians.  but you better either have a BS of CS, or you better be damn OBSESSED with coding, so that you lock yourself in your room, dont shower, and do nothing but CODE all day, making insane apps and programs. I could never do that. I got A’s in my coding  and felt some pride and sense of accomplishment….until I realized that the HARDEST program in c++ course 2, which was fairly hard, is not even the tip of the iceberg of what an entry-level, right out of college, 21 year old Entry Level Programmer would be doing. this is why you take literally 30 coding courses. get back to me when youve finished c++ course 30 and maybe then we’ll talk abuot getting you a 28k job. tons of overtime. FLSA exempt hahahahaha.

but they push coding camps and coding for kids and everybody should learn how to CODE! its the ticket to a good career for everybody!

NO, IT ISN’T, because then you’ll just have more people like me who can write kiddie hello world programs and do some basic functions, classes etc……..but NEVER DO ANYTHING WORTH ANYTHING OF REAL VALUE IN THE REAL WORLD. NOTHING THAT YOU COULD GET PAID FOR, LET ALONE AN AVERAGE INCOME.

you can LITERALLY make better money with your “skills” in a tech support help desk call center than with CODING.

and george would be MUCH better off staying at his boring library job than going to a help desk call center, or thinking hes gonna find a coding job. I have been TRYING to find a boring library job like his, but libraries dont hire FT people, and if they did, and I got an interview, I would probably lose out to a person with a masters of library degree, for a job that doesnt require one, because theres too many of THOSE.

but i dont even want to tell george it’s hopeless. take away the one shred of hope he has. it will be bad enough when he finds out eventually.

or maybe he will make it work, and he will show me how to make it work. obviously going to skool for it was not my idea of a good time hahaha.

and when you talk to actual working programmers, you see that their shit is ON POINT, and they are damn near AUTISTIC with their shit. staying up all night coding. they dont care they are 40 year old virgins because they LOVE coding so much, they literally eat sleep and dream coding, and I just never had it in my MARROW like they do. I had a slight interest in what I saw as a good skill. it is a good skill, but you have to be REALLY good to make ANY money.

I mean if I could find a $12 DAH job writing 12 DAH code and then gradually work up, I would. but i dont think those jobs exist, for newbs like me to write hello world 10 line programs. yeah im really shaky on pointers but just hire me for 12 DAH.

you can’t make 12 DAH being shaky on pointers!!!!!!

but its hard to find a good instructor who can really explain pointers! you either sit their and bash yourself in the head with pointers for 1488 hours until it sinks in, or you ragequit and find better uses of your time, like LIFTING or at least powerwalking. or taking nyquil and sleeping. or blogging.

so i am kinda schadenfreuding that moment when george loses his optimism in CODING.

FOOK CODING. Its a stupid golden calf hahaha. idolatry from idiots who have NO IDEA about how to get a JOB in coding.

but i dont want to say i told you so. this is all he has hahaha. let him have it for a while hahaha.

but why isnt he just smoking weed? hes not straight edge! he drinks a little! and he lives in COLORADO and has not made ONE vidya on MJ??!?!?!?!?!!

and here i am daydreaming about flying out to colorado and staying in a cheap hotel for a week just so I can sm0ke a pound of MJ in a week!! and of course enjoy the nice mountains and nature of colorado. while sm0king MJ in the forests and on the mountains.  and banging some white 25 year old hippie weed sluts.

stupid xkcd friends comic. this guy has some good comics but this is the WORST SHIT EVER and rsutling and triggering in SO MANY WAYS.  WHATS WRONG WITH RELATIONSHIPS GROWING NATURALLY OUT OF FRIENDSHIPS?????? this shit is patronizing to WOMEN for ASSUMING they can be fooled so easily. but they CAN be fooled so easily. come on. have some agency. you dont have to settle for this guy. why dont you call him out on his shit?

also why cant the woman tell that the guy has feelings for her? like me i was giving signals like crazy and i think she was picking up the signals. i should have told her point blank but uhhh i didnt want to tell her over text. i just wanted to hang out with her in a low-stress place like the people in the gay comic hahahaha.

also why is she always dating nothing but jerks? methinks this randall munro is a total niceguy womanhater. repent repent and you can become a ballless phaggot cuck like arthur chu. chen. whatever. that fat feminist male asian who was on jeopardy.

ill make you depend on me? i never did that shit! you cant MAKE someone DEPEND on you! they CHOOSE to enter in a friendship with you!

and you CAN legit “VALUE THE FRIENDSHIP”, while knowing that your feels are causing conflict, so then over time, you decide you want to talk about it. she knows what you want to talk about but she avoids it.

not seeing that angle in your phaggy comic. god damn this comic is so stupid. what if you were just friends at the beginning? and why cant this woman make decisions on her own? and why is the man such a conniving manipulator who has this grand scheme from day 1? I WASNT LIKE THIS AT ALL! WHAT KIND OF MAN WRITES SOMETHING LIKE THIS????

I hate these niceguys that are so anti-niceguy in order to signal to feminist cvnts. i hope this guy is alone and lonely for the rest of his pathetic niceguy woman-respecting life hahahaha. what a thoroughly unmasculine man. YOU FOOKING CHILD.

I just thank GOD I am not like this guy or this comic. although I HATE to think that SHE might think (or anyone else) that I WAS like the phaggot in this comic. there were some surface similarites, like a guy who has feelings for his female friend, but GOD DAMN. LET ME MANSPLAIN.

i wasnt a manipulating liar like he is. i wasnt orchestrating some damn huge production. I was TRYING to tell her. of course my actions were already telling her.

well, didnt the comic guy EVENTUALLY tell the woman ANYWAY, by dating her? then its all out there. so WHATS THE DAMN PROBLEM? that she’s so EMOTIONALLY RETARDED that she can’t figure out why she’s vaguely UNHAAAAAAAPPY? WELL THATS ON HER!! AND SHAME ON the author for setting the bar so LOW for women! although sadly, that really is a realistic bar for women.

i mean at that point, SHE’s living a lie. saying i luv u and being in a relship with a man she doesnt luv. and then the author blames it all on the fookin man. sheeeeit.

show this comic to your friends and lovers and if they LIKE it and says it makes an important point about men and niceguy cowards, punch them in the fooking face, cuz this is the most insulting dishonest JOOISH shit ever.

it treats women as CHILDREN. I know they ARE children, but I wish they werent!

http://xkcdsucks.blogspot.com/2008/12/comic-513-youre-breaking-up.html

hey i didnt want to “ask her out” at first! i didnt feel that way at first! then we just naturally became friends!

and when i wanted to “ask her out” she just kept avoiding me and avoidng me and avoiding me.

so i guess i was stupid for not recognizing that as the answer, that i still WANTED TO TALK ABOUT IT.

i dunno, ive been aware of niceguys for a long time, and i never want to be like that, but i share SOME aspects of that, but also NOT, because i am much more honest about my woman hate hahahaha. i even told her multiple times, im not a nice guy, i can be a total asshole. now let me buy you dinner hahahaha.

NO I wouldnt want to MAKE her be with me if she wasnt happy.

also its unclear if he was just fantasizing dating her, or if he actually dated her. yeah he sounds annoying and dishonest, but she didnt HAVE To date him or even be friends with him.

isnt it WEIRD being friends with somebody who obviously is in love with you?

how can you HIDE that?

I dont think even the WORST NICE GUY CAN HIDE THAT.

So really the woman just ignores it willfully.

so i dont think the niceguys are manipulative or jooish or evil or “expecting sex in return for friendship.”

i think they really ARE wantinga Luv Relship to grow out of a friendship.

but yeah obviously they should talk about it, esp if the woman is still willing to hang out with them.

That WOman knew i liked her, so she was not willing to hang out with me any more.

yeah i was stupid and cowardly but i wasnt like this, and also she should have been a little nicer.

i just hate thinking she viewed ME like the Niceguy Cueball. because i really wasnt.

 

ABANDONING A FRIEND IS NOT THE SAME THING AS ESCAPING AN ABUSER

may 4

Awesome post I just made in that epic despair forums thread:::::::::::::::::::::::

excellent points! I think a fair amount of people might arrive at MRA or MGTOW after repeated disappointments, rejections, and failures with women. I know I did! But as I have become more of a “traditionalist white knight”, I have moved away from that element, saying “wow, these guys really DO look like a bunch of basement-dwellers who are trying to make themselves feel better about their total failure with women, by building it into a social, political, philosophical movement. And I don’t want to be one of those bitter, butthurt neckbeard woman-haters, etc….”  Possibly myself buying into the negative stereotypes about MRAs!

But I think a lot of us don’t avoid unflinching, brutal self-examination either: “I keep getting rejected, maybe the common denominator here is me!” In fact, this first brought me to “Game” when I was a fairly young man, before I moved to MRA/MGTOW.  I thought, maybe there’s something I’m doing wrong, I hate to be a victim of circumstance, maybe I can take some responsibility/ownership/agency over this.

Game is controversial for many reasons: it’s dishonest, manipulative, insincere, mechanical, amoral, immoral, creepy, etc. I had no interest in the most extreme “Pick Up Artists” and I preferred more “intelligent” writers like Heartiste/Roissy. Also there was the sense of “I’m not THAT weird and creepy, I’m basically a decent person, I can make regular friends, do I really have to completely retrain my brain just become attractive to women? Is it really supposed to be this hard? It’s not that complicated, I’m just shy around women! Millions of men have been through this!”

For me, the most important lesson I took out of Game could be boiled down into two words: Be Masculine. (or, Be Confident.) As a not super-masculine guy, that is probably where Game could help me the most. But just like hardcore MGTOW, I think one can get tunnel-vision if they spend too much time reading this kind of stuff.

Game eventually brought me to MRA and MGTOW, as I wasn’t just concerned about my own personal failure to attract women, but also the broader consequences of feminism and strained male/female relationships on society at large.

But I wonder if Game implies more of a sense of personal agency than MRA/MGTOW (sorry to lump those two terms together, I know not all MRA’s are MGTOWs, haha), in the sense that Game says here’s a problem I have some control over, while MRAs might say, the system is rigged against us, and there’s nothing we can do but just stay away, not get involved.

For me, much of it was partially related to my own resentment about my own constant failure with women. I don’t regret the time I spent in these movements, as they have taught me many useful things about a “red pill” perspective. But some of Game and some of MRA were too much of a “black pill” for me: watching the world burn, enjoying the decline, nihilistic, Fight Club, Joker sort of mentality.

Now, I do realize we are possibly living in the Kali Yuga and have to “Ride the Tiger” as Evola says, hahaha, but now I believe that men and women can be partners in this struggle.

I’ve just tried to integrate it all into an ongoing synthesis. I’m not a helpless victim of big bad women or misandrist society, and could probably improve my results with women by taking personal action on very “simple” things like be more masculine, be more confident.

However, we DO live in a “fallen world” where the dating scene seems very grim and disgusting: people having casual sex with multiple people they meet on Tinder, women being fooled by shallow caricatures of masculinity rather than choosing a more healthy masculinity. (Choosing “thugs” and “Bad boys” and “deadbeat losers” over more reliable men. This can also come from not having good masculine role models growing up, such as a decent father.)

However, I also fully appreciate women’s role as the Choosers in mating, simply because women bear all the reproductive risks of getting pregnant. It frustrates me that many women don’t seem to understand this, though. All the contraceptive technology and changing attitudes about sex will NEVER change the fact that women are the ones who get pregnant, which essentially makes them the choosers. So when some women say “The double standard is BS, women should be able to have casual sex just like men,” I shake my head sadly and view it almost like a “baby with a gun”, meaning they don’t realize the awesome power they hold. With great power comes great responsibility, haha.

Basically, I just wanted to bleat about my own special snowflake perspective on relationships, haha!  My personal opinion is that a healthy, loving relationship is a beautiful, possibly sacred thing, and is a goal very much worth struggling and sacrificing toward, and I have accepted that it’s not supposed to come easily. (However, I never thought it would be this difficult, and it’s very hard not to compare yourself to others: oh look, that person is only 22 and they have been in a relationship for 4 years, I would really like to know what that’s like, someone to cuddle with who doesn’t immediately dump you, bla bla bla.) The changing sexual attitudes in society have also been very damaging to both men and women, under the guise of “liberation” and “freedom” and “equality” and “exploration/discovery”.

I would like to get married (probably not a legal or state-sanctioned marriage, haha) and have children, as I see children and family-building to be a very natural and beautiful step in the Circle of Life, haha, which is just as naturally and beautifully preceded by a healthy, committed relationship to act as a foundation for that family. Yeah I admit this is very idealized, fairy tale sort of stuff, but I HAVE seen normal everyday average people who generally embody these ideals. Basically just try not to have children with a deadbeat, haha, but we can also see around us many sad examples of people who have hit this pitfall.

But I also think some MRA/MGTOWs come across as bitter and woman-hating and think All Women Are Like That (AWALT/NAWALT/etc.) I too am bitter, and especially bitter right now, as I am still very much struggling with a HUGE bitter heartbreak, and REALLY trying not to let that influence my opinion of other women. But I really don’t want to BE a woman-hater. It’s really no fun, haha. I don’t want to hate women! I also don’t want to keep a “safe distance” from women. I really would prefer to have women in my life rather than not.

I’ve never been sure How Many Women Are Like That: 51%? 49%? 80%? 99.9%? 10%? I just can’t get a good read on that, and that actually gives me hope. Like if I truly believed 99.9% of women were two-faced evil scammers…I would essentially already be a woman-hater, haha. In other words, I believe the number is much more likely to be closer to 50% than to 99%…..and I am cautiously optimistic it could be well below 50%!  (Whenever I don’t know what a proportion might be, I always assume 50%, and then hope to be pleasantly surprised, hahaha.)

I have been moving away from “egalitarianism” however, in that I believe we need to fully embrace the differences between men and women. Women can get pregnant and therefore have the right to choose their mate…..but with that comes the responsibility to treat sex very carefully and to choose wisely. And men do have the responsibility to protect and provide for their woman. Also I believe women are more inclined to groupthink and conformity, so when our society is promulgating some very disturbing attitudes, women may be less inclined to question that mainstream authority, while Serious Men such as ourselves think much more deeply on the the implications, haha.

I get sad when I see MGTOWs in their 40s and beyond. I think it’s a shame this man didn’t get married and have children, he would probably be a great husband and father. Well….some MGTOWs, haha. I much prefer a guy like Bernard Chapin to Bar Bar, for example. So I am personally thankful that I “moved on” from MGTOW well before age 35, hahaha. Also it’s sad to see 18 year old boys proclaiming themselves as MGTOWs. Yes there are crazy risks in getting involved with the wrong women, and yes our society can give incentives to tempt women over to “the dark side”, but I firmly believe the potential rewards of a good wife and family outweigh the risks of having your life ruined by a Borderline Personality. There is really no reason to “give up” on women.

But yeah, I hear ya! I totally understand that one’s own personal experiences can deeply influence the way we view the world, for better and for worse. The same thing happened to me!  And as you move through life, your viewpoint can change over time. For example, I have not become any more successful with women, but I think my view of women has actually become more positive.  (Not that we should avoid “pessimistic realism” just because it is pessimistic, or avoid talking about very real and serious problems!)

Also if you have any tendency towards Aspergers/autism/spectrum that can definitely play an important role. Some speculate that autism is a “hyper-masculine” way of viewing the world, in the sense of logic, reason, thinking, possibly overthinking, haha, and also really struggling with relationships. And it’s certainly true autism spectrum conditions are MUCH more prevalent in men than in women. (I think, haha. Too lazy to find a good source.) This may all make the somewhat Aspergery man feel very alienated from women, which IMHO is not a good feeling!

I’ve also heard anecdotes of autistic men who do very well with women, simply because they always speak their mind and seem to have great confidence, don’t care what other people think, etc. But I’m guessing this is moreso the exception than the rule, and that these men are probably skewed towards being very physically attractive.

ANYWAY I don’t want to get off topic too much, but the themes in this thread are right in my wheelhouse, haha. Also I want to give a more “fair and balanced” view of MRA/MGTOW to the women, as this is not a men-only forum, and over the past several years, I’ve seen mentions of MRA in surprisingly mainstream media (or comment sections of), and they are always stereotyped as paranoid women-haters who can’t get over their own failure with women and therefore paint all women with the same brush. So I wanted to defend the legitimate concerns of MRAs, while at the same time admitting that yes, there can be a component of personal issues with women. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, haha.

As always feel free to keep this epic thread going!

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////END AUSTRALIAN QUALITYPOST

the OP is a spergy 30 year old virgin who is into some mgtow stuff and i can relate quite a bit to him, except he is more spergy, and more bipolar. and more mgtow. i am trying to gradually pull him over to white knight white nationalism hahahahaha, but he is probably too much in an misanthropic black pill nihilistic libertarian phase. maybe i will get banned from the forum for my woman-hating hahaha.

god forbid youre a woman hater, hahaha.

no i;m not really a woman hater! i’d much rather be remembered as a Huge Racist, than a woman hater!

im a sexist sure, but not a woman HATER!!!!

i’m a racist sure! but i dont…..well im dismayed by nonwhites in my neighborhood being annoying, and i am hugely dismayed by white women being huge whores. i dont like seeing women of my race throwing themselves away (and by extension, our race.) (but I guess even though women create life, the responsibility falls on the man to really guide the preservation of our race. and this has been real hard for me to come to terms with. how can women, who can get pregnant, who bear all the risks, not care about their race at all? i’m not sure. i’ll never be sure. but they just don’t.)

WELL….some women do. SOME women are still sensible enough to not even WANT to mudshark. SOME women are sensible enough to want to date men ONLY of their race. i just need to find those type of women, those are definitely my type of women.

its not just perception. its that rejection and loss is LEGIT PAINFUL.

its like you dont tell somebody with cancer to just get over it, cancer is legit horrible!

ok rejection and loss is not THAT bad, but its still legit pretty bad! it’s not all a matter of perception!

when somebody important LEAVES you in such a CALLOUS, SUDDEN way!

It’s not ESCAPING AN ABUSER. This is called ABANDONING A FRIEND. two very different things.

It’s not that I had no ownership over my feelings. It’s just that she had SOME ownership over my feelings too, because she was the one who rejected me! and she made no effort to be nice about it!

i wasnt asking her to not reject me! I was asking her to reject me a LITTLE nicer!!!!!

thats what i want her to understand! and the court of women to understand! I’m mature and reasonable enough to know I can’t EXPECT someone to LOVE me! But I CAN SORT OF expect someone ive known a long time and not abused or betrayed, to reject me a little more considerately!!!!!

but life isnt fair!

but nobody deserves this! life being unfair doesnt give anyone the RIGHT to BE unfair!

and i deserved better treatment from a friend of 2.7 years!

shit yeah i am harping on that point but thats my best argument.

really? THATS my BEST argument?

well its not a BAD argument, is it?

a better way to phrase it would be: we were friends for 2.7 years, couldnt you even write ONE EMAIL? ONE TEXT? ONE WORD?

wow. my RAM came in on wednesday and I quickly installed it without issue. even though i had never done this before. that was kind of confidence building but I wouldnt want to walk OTHER people through it! I didnt even realize that you couldnt used DDR3 with DDR2 motherboards! i thought things were Cross Compatible!

good thing I got the right kind of memory and it was recognized by the computer!

still dont know what SODIMM is. i just know now that DDR, 2, and 3 have the little notches in different places so they wouldnt even FIT in a different slot, youd have to BREAK it.

download SPECCY from piriform to show you all the specs of your computer that windows wont show you hahahahaha. like if you have DDR2 or DDR3 RAM. what your version of BIOS is.

i cant explain any of this stuff. I just know Its A Thing. I dont CARE to UNDERSTAND it. i’d like to see HER explain it.

id like if she would just talk to me wawawawawawawawawawawawawa

the right person wouldnt need to come BACK to you, because they would never LEAVE you in the first place.

or if they did, you would probably be in communication with the person and there would be a lot of mutual struggle back and forth.

not them not contacting you for 9 months. at that point they are not gonna come back. you shouldnt WANT them back!!!!!! but i do.

oh yeah. lyin ted dropped out. did i mention that? that is YUGE. i did not expect that at ALL. I thought he would fight right up to the convention. I mean this is good news, cant stump the trump hahaha.

something would be wrong with you if you DIDNT feel severe pain after a big loss. this is normal and healthy for humans. its not just PERCEPTION or ATTITUDE. when you Lose a Loved One you SHOULD be sad, sometimes VERY sad. And I’d rather be TOO sad than not sad enough! at least I know Im not a sociopath! SHES not sad ENOUGH!!!!! or maybe she is, shes just not telling anyone, hahaha. keeps the pain bottled up and just goes out and fooks and pretends everythings ok. fooks some random guys, creates a few random lives, gets a few random abortions, no big deal.

hahahaha. yeah I will never shy away from portraying women as not being respectful of Life. they live in a Culture of Death.

To That Woman:

I don’t really need to know or want to know WHY, I have a pretty good idea why, you were just overwhelmed and ran away. I just wanted you to Acknowledge my pain and feel a little sorry for my pain, because I felt great pain when you rejected me. Rejection is naturally, normally painful. I was responsible for managing my emotions and feelings, but I think you were responsible for treating me in a respectful way, and I just don’t feel that happened. Think if you were being rejected and didnt want a relationship to end. How would you want THEM to do it to you? And then try to act that way to me. Its just simple golden rule stuff. It’s not easy though, it does take courage, and I haven’t always had courage either.  It was just really painful for me and I wish you cared more about me and my pain. also when you do this, it makes me think I meant nothing to you, but I know I did. So I feel you are denying that I meant anything to you. I mean just as a friend. We werent just passing acquaintances or random people. We were both important friends to each other. When you lose an important person like that it is very painful. I really tried to handle this by talking to you and writing to you. I wish you hadnt turned away and blocked out everything I was trying to say to you. I think what I was saying was worth hearing, and our relationship was valuable enough not to be thrown away in the blink of an eye. We had something really special. Even just in terms of friendship. A friendship IS a kind of relationship, and it can be very very important. I thought we had that. I’d like to move forward in my life knowing that I was once an important person for you. I could never deny you were an important person for me. Just try to show some more concern for me as a human being. You sure used to. This is very hard for me and you truly do have the power to make it a little better for me, and I’d really appreciate it if you did. It’s just not right to block somebody like this unless they are ABUSING you. I’m not abusing you. I was just trying to communicate about an important issue that was affecting BOTH of us.

It just seems you have no conscience towards me. I just wish you felt worse about doing this to me. I mean you do have the power to talk to me. You just choose not to because its the path of least resistance. please show me some more courage than that. this is the last you’ll ever have to deal with me. Wouldnt you rather handle this in a good way than in a bad way? It’s really not like you to just leave me hurting. I know you don’t like me back but don’t punish or hate me for liking you. liking a person is a lot better than just blocking and avoiding them. Has me liking you hurt you nearly as much as you blocking me has hurt me?  I wish you were just willing to talk to me. this is just confusing and mind boggling for me. we used to talk about some pretty important things. lets just do that again, one more time, for the last time.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201410/whats-the-best-way-you-end-relationship

here are some good pointers on how to end a relationship in a healthy way.

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/how-break-up-gracefully

Or here. Or also ask someone in your family the best way to dump someone.

Basically, have a conversation in person, and allow the other person to be upset.

END LETTER PORTION hahahaha

Yeah I gotta do that more often. just write a paragraph a day. in letter form. addressing it directly to the person you cannot speak to, that really does help.

GRIP IT AND RIP IT.

I just wish women ACTED like they CARED about getting pregnant sometimes. Like WOW, thats a big deal, so I’m not gonna have casual sex. Becuase I dont want to get pregnant, I dont want to have any abortions, I dont want to use plan B.

I forgot plan B. Some women are so casual about getting Plan B that its Chilling. When I was in college I was hanging out with a female friend (who I did not have feelings for, and who was having Secs with other men, and I didn’t really care, because I didnt want to be having secs with her!) and she said, welp I gotta swing by planned parenthood and get some plan B. uhhhhh ok I said. and she did.

later I realized my ideal woman would not be so casual about swinging by planned parenthood and getting some plan b after a night with me, hahahaha. she would have better control over her body and say, ok Im on the Rag right now so its best that we wait a few days until that’s over, because when it comes to getting preggers, I DONT PLAY AROUND.

shit. if women cared about getting pregnant as much as I CARE about GETTING THEM PREGNANT…….women would me muuuuuuuch more sexually moral and the world would be a better place.

WOMEN SHOULD CARE ABOUT GETTING PREGNANT AS MUCH AS MEN CARE ABOUT GETTING THEM PREGNANT. 

yeah that is gonna become a post title soon hahahaha.

of course many MEN dont care either. theyre like, welp thats her problem, not mine. let her get the plan b or abortion.

I mean im the type of guy who wouldnt THINK of not wearing a rubber, because I don’t trust the woman to not have a disease! I don’t trust the woman to be on the pill! Besides, I don’t really like the pill anyway, I would prefer women dont take the pill. so it was kinda weird to hear my female friends in College talking about the pill and the Ring and Birth Control. and then god forbid plan B. plan B’s even worse, because its not just a Contraceptive, its an ABORTIFACIENT. I bet she would be too dumb to tell you the difference hahahaha.

Right To Choose and Abortion has just been brainwashed into women from a young age that they CANT EVEN SEE THE MORAL ASPECTS of the question. They’re just like, oh this is something modern women have the privilege to do. only religious freaks and women haters say other wise.

whereas if you really got them to THINK about it, really THINK about When Does Life Begin, you could probably convince a lot of women that Abortion is Wrong and thank God I never got an abortion before I realized how wrong it was.

So yeah I like that religious bullshit like make the woman look at an ultrasound first and read this pro-life material first.

that’s probably misogynist of me to think that women DONT EVEN THINK about it. how could you NOT think about it?

Well I honestly think many women try NOT to think about it because they’re afraid they might not be able to go through with it, if they thought about it enough. just get it done quickly before you change your mind. then once youve done it once, well, youve killed your child, no turning back now, hahahaha, you can do it again if needed.

its hard to know what the average woman thinks about abortion anyway. its not exactly an easy discussion to have with a woman.

i mean when i was in college and all the women were on BC and were raging leftists in luv with Barry and hating G Dubs, yeah it was pretty clear they were pro-murder hahahha. but that didnt mean they actually did it themselves.

Besides just because a woman votes for a shitty leftist doesnt mean she luvs abortion. i mean many women are so stupid theyll just vote for hillary because shes a woman. but they might not luv abortion per se. just vote for the woman who luvs abortion hahahaha.

just saying MY ideal woman would go on the record as being against abortion, think its horrible, and would have never done it.

its IMPORTANT and if ANYONE should have a STRONG OPINION on abortion, its WOMEN. I dont really want to think about it is NOT a valid answer.

Just like I would rather not know mudsharks or high-number sluts, I would rather not know any women who have gotten Abortions.

maybe if they had gotten “only” one and they were deeply remorseful for it.

i would still prefer zero abortions. OBVIOUSLY.

Shit one abortion is probably worse than being with one black guy , hahahahaha.

I will also forgive ONE black guy, especially if the woman is remorseful, like yeah that was a bad idea, i’ll never do that again, it’s only white guys from here on out. never again.

How much sluttiness would I forgive. not sure. def not more than 20 guys.

again, the POINT is they are GENUINELY REMORSEFUL. They say, that was a TERRIBLE IDEA. NEVER AGAIN. not “it was a phase.” or “i was young.” or especially “i don’t regret it.” NO. I WANT YOU TO REGRET IT. THATS THE WHOLE POINT.

I can admit when I was wrong, why cant you do the same?

I have regrets, why can’t you admit you have regrets?

this “no regrets” shit is STUPID.

DECENT PEOPLE HAVE REGRETS. 

also will be a poast title soon hahaha.

so yeah the way that woman dealt with this situation makes me wonder if she has the COURAGE NECESSARY to confront TOUGH MORAL QUESTIONS like playing the life creation game, slutting it up, mudsharking, abortions. we know she’s already mudsharked once! not cool at all! and i have no idea if she has remorse about mudsharking itself…..or if she just didnt like THAT guy and would still Fook OTHER black guys. is this REALLY the type of woman I want to be my WIFE, the MOTHER OF MY CHILDREN???!!?!?!?!  I couldn’t even trust her not to MVRDER those children!!!!!!

I thank GOD I’ve never had to be in an abortion situation, where I got a gurl preggers and we had to Decide What To Do…..even though ultimately it was up to her.

And I hope to never BE in that situation.

And so I wonder……how many women in My Generation have gotten abortions? 50%? that would be 2spooky5me!

how many men of my generation have knocked up a gurl and she got an abortion?

has it happened to my male friends? I’m not even CLOSE enough with anyone that they would tell me something like that.

And I feel I was once at the level of closeness with That Woman that she might have been able to tell me something like that.

I mean its DEFINITELY a conversation you should have if you are thinking about MARRYING someone!

I never told you i had an abortion because you never asked hahahahaha. I never told you Ive been with 20 black guys because you never asked!!!!

out of sight, out of mind. if she could ABORT me, she probably could ABORT a BABY too. Do I really want to be with someone like that? Do I really want to be with someone who could ABORT a relationship period? Do I want to be with someone who aborted ME??!?!?!?!?!?!?! That might be a bridge too far. There might be no reconciliation for that. well….. i forgive her….but she hasnt expressed any WANT for forgiveness!

when you ABORT someone, you SHOULD feel bad and seek forgiveness! many women who get abortions feel terrible and guilt and take a long time to forgive themselves and they beg for forgiveness from GOD. sometimes it makes their “relationship” with GOD stronger. and then you better believe they thing about the moral implications of ABORTION. Just too bad they had to have an abortion in order to do that!

I just dont like abortion and the women who have them, ok? hahahaha. Im entitled to my opinion, and I’m also entitled to JUDGE the women who have. well, only GOD can JUDGE, but I can sure say, i’d rather not associate with Abortioners! I don’t want MY wife to be an abortioner unless GOD decides to send me a woman who had one abortion and then repented for it.

and that would involve a lot of deep thought and deep conversation.

I’m just disgusted we live in a world where stupid cowardly young women can get abortion without even really realizing WHAT IT IS.

I seriously question if some of these women really UNDERSTAND what is going on in the Life Creation Process.

Which is frustrating as FOOK, because women play 99.99% of the role in the Life Creation Process! but they dont NEED TO KNOW ANYTHING about it!

its like the black box of object oriented programming. you don’t need to see the code inside the box, you just plop objects in and they supposedly do their job. so everything is reusable and portable and “extensible.”

yeah well we’re not programs gertie, we’re people hahahaha.

we get feelings, and fall in luv, and question whats right and whats evil.

at least the good ones do, hahahaha. the shitty ones just dont give a damn.

i so wanted her to give a damn about me as a person. to stand up and show some backbone when it REALLY COUNTED. this is it. its now or never.

well its not like I put her on the spot and said this is your ONE AND ONLY CHANCE. every time I asked her to hang out or Communicate Please was a chance.

we were both good at avoiding, but she was even better.

and REALLY? you couldnt send an email like One Month later, after she had Cooled Off, saying sorry about this?

Avoiding Something Forever is NOT the same as a Cooling Off Period.

besides, a cooling off period is usually only a few days. I can’t imagine a true cooling off period lasting a damn month. at that point, its a damn BREAK, and things are not looking hopeful.

but how about you let me know if you want a break also? not just say of course we’ll hang out soon. that is not what you say when you want a break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

anyway if a woman is openly pro-abortion and not ashamed of her abortion……stay away from that woman. that type of woman is NOT a good influence on your life. you can find better people than those losers, hahahahaha.

i just hate her thinking im a loser who she wants to cut out of her life, while she was a winner who i wanted to stay in my life.

my other friends dont try to shun me from THEIR lives!!! and its not like THEY are huge losers, and the only people that don’t shun me are themselves huge losers! so that is reassuring.

google how does quicken loans scam people hahaha.

so that would be a loan originator. then i wonder if they sell the loans to other companies for Servicing. Probably yes. see I just dont understand this. when do you stop “contracting out” service? why dont the servicers just sell it to another servicer? where does it end? why cant a company just service ITS OWN PRODUCTS? wouldnt they be in the best position to do so? they designed the product!

or probably they hired a damn consultant to design the products. doesnt even work for the company.

so what is the company? just a bunch of managers who hire 90000 other companies to do everythign for them.

see this makes no sense and they dont teach any of this in school. or college. i guess econ was the only thing that came close, in its story about making a pencil. economies of scale. its CHEAPER to have suppliers who all make one part of the pencil. so, same principle here. you just have seperate servicers for every product, every part of every product.

yet we could never find a person who knew enough about how our software interacted with a 3rd party piece of software. there was 1 person in the company who knew and he was on vacation, or he didnt have a phone. one does not simply CALL someone THAT high up!

and its not like these are C level executives. they might “just” be senior systems analysts or something. shit. still too important to get them on the phone.

it would be fine if you could say, oh, your problem is in xyz, let me transfer you to the xyz expert. because there wasn’t any xyz experts. everybody knew nothing about everything when you were expected to know everything about everything.

I like knowing everything about everything……but sometimes it does get to be too much.

at my previous job I prided myself on knowing everything about eveything, and others appreciated it too.

at my stupid job, I couldn’t possibly know everything about everything. there was no way to find out everything. there was too much hidden secret stuff. there was too much stuff in general.  you could make 1000 new flashcards a day and it still wouldnt help.

but because shit was so hard to FIND, it really WAS better to try to memorize everything. because you’re essentially just memorizing Where To Find it anyway, so you might as well memorize the thing you need to know. you dont just search the shit in google and find the right thing quickly.

you mean there is NO ONE in the WHOLE COMPANY who knows how this program works?

that’s what I’m telling you. yeah, it doesn’t make sense. Nope, we’re not third party contractors making 9 bucks an hour. we are full employees. your in-house help desk. not only do we not know how to fix this, we don’t know who CAN fix this. yes we are a very large very well known company that EVERYBODY has heard of, and this is frankly kind of embarrassing and it happens way too often for a company of this reputation.

i just wasnt good at handling these situations. maybe with some coaching or mentorship or leadership I could have gotten better. someone could have taught me that yeah that is actually the nature of this job, it is actually very counterintuitive, counter common sense, and you wont believe the level of incompetence and disorganization you see……but dont get frustrated, because thats perfect normal. here’s what to say to the person. tell them its NORMAL, tell them you get strange stuff all the time, and we fix it all of the time, we just need some time to Diagnose, so I will call you back in an hour. just let us look at this computer, don’t kick us off, we will probably be rebooting it a couple times, and you’ll see weird shit on the screen.

 

WONT BE WILLING TO WORK FOR IT IF U DONT HAVE FEELINGS

919

oy vey. had dream with the woman. how did it make me feel. unhappy. upset. i said “it doesnt matter” 10 times.

in the dream we were hanging out and she was being a total bitch, just not nice at all, just rude and shallow and horrible and mean and cold. she did not want to hang out just me and her and had to have one of her awful new friends with her. her new friends were awful slutty party gurls who i knew were being a Bad INfluence on her, and she was becoming more liek that.

i was being an asshole too, saying horrible things like how many guys you been with lately? and making all sorts of very sarcastic bitter remarks about how casual sex was such a great thing and i how she has as much casual sex as possible with as many guys as possible, etc, because its just sex and its fun.

and then she complained about a guy she was interested it was texting her but last time they were supposed to hang out he blew her off. oh did you have sex with him too? of course you just have secs with every guy friend, and you have a lot of guy friends! plus you are interested in him, so of course you did. lemme see some naked pictures of you. lets find those in your phone.

then she was like ok me and my friends are gonna hang out and party now, you can go now, see you later.

i was like uhhhhh and then as i was walking away i saw them all partying at their house and i was like see ya later, have fun being huge sluts, thanks for inviting me to your party, i dont like having fun anyway! and being very sarcastic. i of course wanted to continue to hang out so i could maybe get with her, esp if they were going to be drinking. i think in the dream i was drinking too!!!!!

so yeah the dream sucked, to see her turn into a huge slut, who was slutting it up with tons of guys, but i had no chance. not that a slut is a good gurlfran material, but when you realize a gurl is a slut, you think, welp i might as well have secs with her; but she likes having secz with tons of guys….but not you. you turn her off because you are a weak beta hahahaha. of course No Means No, but you are frustrated because she says YES to SO many other guys.

i was also angry abotu being kicked out early while they continued to Party.

this made me think of a time in july 2014 when my feelings were not well defined, were confused. i have stated this before as my Biggest Regret! she was super nice to me, we had a nice afternoon of going to dinner and the park and i thought maybe i should hold her hand or make out with her in the park, but i was still on the fence. she made a statement that i was a good friend. i said thank you you too. but she had just finished with her old boifran and i figured she would not date anyone for like 6 months at least, it would take her a long time to get over that. it would take me YEARS to get over THAT!

but i forget that not everybody is harshly dumped. in their case it was more they both agreed to end it because it wasnt going anywhere, and they both wanted out. see i have never experienced that. i always wanted IN, they always wanted out. a one sided termination, for a one sided luv hahahaha.

anyway i was thinking, well what do we do after the park. should we go back to her house and watch tv or something, because that will really be awkward, because i dont really want to make out, but what if she does.

so i made some excuse i was going to visit my male friend and play vidya games. i was confused and didnt know what i was doing. i think i said you can come along and meet my friend and play vidya games with us too. she said she would be nervous and i said dont be nervous bla bla bla. ultimately i never ended up doing anything hahahaha.

what if i had pushed instead to go to her house and watch tv. then we might have been able to cuddle or make out.

once my feelings became definitely in a few months after that, this was my exact plan. rather than bail out after dinner, then go back to her house and watch tv and try to cuddle. but by that time i was 100% she was Dating Somebody, and she never agreed to to hang out with me ever again hahahaha.

so…..lesson learned?

go with them back to their house and see if they WANT to cuddle or make out. maybe she wouldnt have even wanted to. at the VERY LEAST it would have started a CONVERSATION about how she felt about me, and how i felt about her. rather than me ducking out and avoiding the situation.

now there was never any EXPECTATION that i would go over there, and she never SAID “why dont you come back to my place”, well i think somebody said something like “what are you doing tonight” and i dont KNOW if that is a veiled, loaded statement which means “come back to my place and make out”. maybe if the WOMAN says it.

honestly i didnt know WHAT i wanted!  things were going well but this was the start of some tension.  i was running away from the chance to talk about that tension. then when I wanted to talk about the tension, she didnt want to.

well i wasnt sure she wanted to “Talk abotu the tension” but i didnt even give her the chance.

well theoretically we could have just talked about elsewhere, didnt HAVE to go to somebodys house.

i know that if i had hung out wiht her in october or beyond, i would have directly pushed to go to her house, and if she didnt want to, i would have had the big discussion In The Car!

but yeah, lesson learned, try to go back to the persons house even if you dont want to make out with them, because that will FACILITATE COMMUNICATION, and maybe they will tell you if they like you or if they dont, and you will have MORE INFORMATION.

like if they are all smiling at you like they want you to make out with them, you can be like listen, you are a veyr pretty gurl but im just not ready yet. but i think i could get there. lets keep talking about this. its been on my mind too. lets just take it really slow ok? well ok lets try making out for 1 minute and see how it feels hahahaha.

but its good that we are talking about this openly, lets continue to do that ok.

well she did not push me to come over though. but i dont think nonslutty gurls do this. it was up to me to say “nope im not doin nothin, maybe we could watch tv or something, smoke some MMJ” and she could say ok wanna come over and i would say yes.

but i wanted to AVOID that situation all together, beucase i guess at that time, i was really Weirded Out by the idea of Making Out with her. !!!!

anyway yeah like i say, this was my biggest regret regarding her or at least one of them. and this dream brought it right to the front of my mind.

lesson learned: ALWAYS go to their house EVEN IF you dont want to make out, because then you can work on your communication. have a talk like: do you like me? do i like you? maybe i could. just right now would be kinda weird. let me think abotu it a few more weeks, and lets keep talking about this, lets not push this under the rug, cuz this is important. oh youre dating somebody right now? oh i didnt know that. yeah that just sparked something in me. lets make out now hahahaha.

i was worried about Having To Reject Her if she Jumped on me hahahahah.

lesson learned: dont worry abotu that. let her jump on you. you might come to enjoy it. really the transition from Just Friends to I was in Luv with her took like 1 month. from mid september i whined “but the spark isnt there” then in mid october i was “ok i was wrong, the spark is now there!!!!”

so say gimme a month babe, just gimme one month to soul search and for us to keep talking about this. i am glad this topic has been broached. lets keep this line of communication open. i am thnakful for our friendship and you are a pretty gurl and i’ve thought about this and i thought it was weird that i didnt feel anything….well i didnt feel nothing. i am honestly on the fence right now. i honestly could go either way. i am confused. i will try to get unconfused as quickly as possible so as not to leave you hanging. cuz you are a nice person, and attractive, and its stupid that i am not in luv with you right now.

but i know from experience that i can convert from platonic to non platonic, but there is a transition. but the transition itself migth only take a month. sothats not that bad. give me a month. and we will continue to be in communicado all throughout.

thisis much different that how she responded to my requests for communication. i said i could give you time and space but i cant do this forever, please give me a timeline. 1 month? 2 months? 3 months? i would have told her 1 month, and also the door would be open for communication during that month! it wouldnt be 1month with no contanct, it would be 1 month for me to go thru the transition from platonic to nonplatonic! big difference!

ok did a 3.6er.

so. lesson learned, in something i should have done, for me to feel guilty about, another way i ruined the rel. well i cant look at it like that, a way of me ruining the rel would be me beating her an refusing to stop; or her begging me to talk about our rel and me angrily refusing to talk or go to a shrink hahahahaha;  but NOT me refusing to push to go to her damn house once!

in fact, the next time i hung out with her, i thought, well, maybe this time i WILL ask to go to her house. i said what you doin tonight? in a way that said i might be interested in hanging out moar. and then she said she had to do something errands. this was in august and she was certainly dating that guy; and one of the last times we really hung out.

you dont go from frineds to love feels overnight, it takes a few months or a month of soul searching. but i was more open to the idea in august than i was in july. i was WARMING up to it!

anyway, point is, if she really wanted to commuincate about it, she would have. period.

i really wanted to communicate about it, so bad, that i was pushing and pushing her. if she wanted to talk about it, if she were in luv with me, she would have pushed me. she didnt push me at all.

well true love doesnt PUSH. well maybe not but it DOES talk when the other person clearly wants to talk! you dont HAVE to push! or at least not very hard for very long!

so now iim thinking i ruined this, i was to blame, it was my fault, basically because i did not make out with her in july 2014, when i was not ready to do so!

well, more accurately, that i should have directly addressed the topic then: do you like me? do you want me to make out with you? and instead of asking that, i avoided it, and maybe if i had asked it, things would have been different, and she would have liked me. see how that is kind of ridiculous? within 3 months of that i knew i liked her, yet by then it was too late. if she came back to me within 3 months and said i like u i would definitely say oh yeah lets get it started in hurr.

also if she were being eaten up by unexpressed luv for me, that she was unable to commuincate to me…..i mean shit were STILL HANGING OUT. if i could have got her to hang out even ONCE when I wanted to commuincate, i wouldnt NEED to go back to her HOUSE, assuming she didnt WANT me to. i would have just waited until we were in the CAR, then i’d say LISTEN theres something i need to talk to you about.

she could have done that! assuming she liked me. and i dont think she did hahahaha.

i was thinking the city of cluj something in romania might be a good place to live. its a huge city of 700,000 people, yet nobody has ever heard of it outside of romania, and it is right in the “transylvanian” region, its the biggest city in “transylvania” which is pretty sweet hahahaha. and the romanians are a proud and strong people and will probably defend their country, culture, and people for the rest of my lifetime hahahaha. are the women huge degenerate whores? probably not as bad as they are in US hahahaha.

ukraine or poland or moldova or maybe even russia hahahaha or hungary would also be good.

was she really GOOD to me? well, she was really nice to me in the beginning. but near the end, ie after my feelings came on, no she was not really nice to me. she was not really doing anything special at all. the only benefit was the chemicalz in muh brain, the endoprhins and oxytocins. that was all me being in love with her, not her doing anything special for me.

my book says love is an action, love is doing, its more than words. well she was not giving any words or actions!!!! well she gave some nice words in the past, like inviting me to shit when she was still with her boifran. and i was like isnt that weird.

of course later i said waawawaawawaw i wish i had gone with you to that thing you had invited me to two summers ago hahahaha.

so yeah she was cold and awful near the end. if she really wanted she could have been nice and warm like she used to be, like i wanted her to be. but she clearly didnt really want to be!!!!

but yeah i still prefer being in luv than being luved. because whats the point if you dont have any feelings for them? then you have to be the bad guy, and rejecting them, etc.

took like 18-20 hours to recover from that god damn nyquil hahahaha. but the sleeping was pretty good! its possible the deep stupor sleep of the nyquil caused me to have that stupid dream about the woman!!!! well it perhaps makes you have moar dreams.

hehe i totally would have been down to see a Relationship Shrink, thats how desperate i was. besides i go to a shrink anyway on the reg. i just would have brought her in a couple times and the shrink would say you should cmmuincate moar hahahaha. no this is not a middle class shrink where you pay 500$ a session. this is a solid working class social worker shrink!!!!!

i mean if you already HAVE a shrink, why not bring in your Partner when you have Relship problems!

basically i wanted to fix things or at least FACE them, and she didn’t. the end. she would rather just walk away than FACE them. this happens ALL THE TIME.

basically, if she WANTED the relationship to continue, she would have done something.

also, even if i avoided Going Back To Her House in July 2014 Once, even though she did not speicifically invite me…..i STILL HUNG OUT WITH HER at SOME level.

this is entertaining the hypothesis that she might have liked me in the past, which causes me a lot of regret. but yeah evidence seems to point towards she didnt like me. so i dont even need to entertain those unentertaining hypotheses.

so your a mid twenties woman and you dont know how to dump a guy correctly, even though youve have 5 long term boifrans and 50 short term boifrans and dumped them all?

just type it in to google! how to dump a guy!

http://www.wikihow.com/Dump-a-Guy-Without-Upsetting-Him

actually the first page of google results is NOT very helpful. there is stuff like “how to dump a guy in a mean way” and also long lists of warning signs and red flags and signs you should Dump Him Right Now!!!!!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/rachelwmiller/how-to-break-up-with-someone-like-an-actual-adult#.kdyREmlVL

https://omghow.com/articles/dump-a-guy

basically the stuff I was saying.

  1. be definite that its over, no chance of getting back together.
  2. be respectful and listen to him, let him talk
  3. acknowledge it was an important relationship
  4. its not you its me.

how do women not know this? ive never dumped anyone and i know this, theyve dumped 100000000 guys and they still have no idea, still dump guys in the same horrible ways over and over again, after adding yet one more to their number hahahaha.

http://teens.webmd.com/features/how-to-break-up-with-someone

WebMD For Teens has some good advice that it would be nice if some so called ADULTS used hahahaha yeah im talking about mah woman.

do it in person and be aware their feelings will be hurt. but be firm.

so basically she was the perfect woman for me, but she didnt like me.

so that means if i find a crappy woman i dont respect, but she DOES like me, should i date her? i dont think so, because why should i date somebody i dont even like?

i guess i could use them as a Practice Gurl to gain confidence and experience though. hahahaha. but dont lead them on. i wouldnt even want to break the heart of a poor degenerate practice girl!

i dont want to break anybodys heart!

i would PREFER to be friends with the woman first, rather than feel Rushed into Sex, like so many women rush into sex and then decide they have no feelings for the man and dont want a rel with him. then you shouldnt be having secs with him, ya crazy whore!

like i told woman2, i like you but can we please take it a little slower???!?!?!! i havent had secs with anyone in a very long time! please!

but then thats a sign of unmasculinity, and you’ll never get to have S with them at ALL hahahaha. dumb dirty bitches.

well when you are just friends first, then you get a chance to really get to KNOW the person and VET them and make sure they pass all your tests (for exmaple, being nonpromiscuous, not rushing into secs with strange men!) BEFORE you develop feelings for them.

then they end up dumping you like you were a creepy stranger who never really knew them and paying no respect to the real friendship you once shared.

two to make it, one to break it!

there needs to be more shame on the person who Just Falls Out Of Luv hahahaha. so if a wife Falls out of luv with her husband after 10 years, and they have 3 kids, and she doesnt want to Work On It, because Working On It wouldnt Work, i just cant fall back in luv with him, and i want out! well that is fookin stupid and she should be shamed and shunned.

ANYWAY the difference between this an a real rel, is that the two of us NEVER agreed to be In A Rel. it was ALL one sided. well the friendship was two sided. the friendship was real. but it kinda HAS to end when i get moar feelings, and she doesnt. i GET that.

anyway dont be afraid to ask your female friends how they feel about you; how they feel abotu other guys; how long they have to know a guy before spreading the babbymaker. hopefully a veyr long time. but probably not, in this matriarchal r-selected ghetto hahahaha. quantity not quality.

well i think if you have been in a longterm rel, like over a year or so, and you Just Fall Out Of Love, then you OWE IT TO YOUR PARTNER, is your RESPONSIBILITY to them, to try to understand why this is happening, and to do something to fix it. are they boring as fook? maybe its YOU who are boring as fook, and by going something fun, you can inspire him to be more fun.

hahahahah i am just used to seeing women giving up and leaving at the first sign that everything is not perfect. like a damn deadbeat coward. never willing to take any damn RESPONSIBILITY or do any WORK, expecting everything to be EASY ALL THE TIME. fook you you CHILD.

i know this isnt always all the case. i know she herself was willing to work when SHE had feelings. i guess thats the way feelings, and working for a rel, goes. you are invested in it, you want to make it work, etc.

when you have feelings you are willing to work for it.

in order to be willing to work for it, you have to have feelings.

you wont be willing to work for it if you dont have feelings.

hehehe in some rare cases you might have feelings but not be willing to work on it??? then you are a fookng moron hahaha i cant help ya. idiot.

if you are in a rel you should communicate semi regularly about the state of your rel. like if someone wants to bail out like a quitter, because youre not fun or interesting any more hahahaha. youre not entertaining the little child enough hahahaha.

like a baby with a gun.

except its way easier to respect children, because they have the valid excuse of BEING CHILDREN, plus they dont actually slut it up like promiscuous whores, becuase they are prepubescent and innocent and dont even know what secs is!

basically you shouldnt be able to adult things like secs and secsual reltionshits, if you are not a damn adult! based on the way you act and treat people and communicate, all in shitty immature ways.

so i stopped being fun? thats a fallacy, i was full of fun things to do, but she never wanted to do them!!!!! she wouldnt even hang out with me!

but thats my fault because i am an unfun person trying to do fun things??? but cant get peopel to do fun things with me, because i myself am unfun? to women at least? fook you!!!!

i mean i might be. i was fun enough to be friends with, but NEVER fun enough to be lovers with?

well even though i never had a long term lover, i have no EVIDENCE that it was the lack of FUN that caused it. i mean the only 2 women i had even short term rels with were crazy.

i dont think they were BAD PEOPLE though.

anyway. yeah i will survive but i dont feel i will ever meet someone who is so compatible with me, who i like so much, and feel so close to.

but recognize that she never really DID anything for me, near the end. she didnt put a damn thing INTO the rel, like i did. all that was attaching me, was my own attachment to her, ie, my luv for her. NOT her luv for me, because she didnt have any!

where were the heartfelt emails and heartfelt christmas card messages for me?

so yeah i was doing all the work, cuz i was the only one with feelings!

i can’t fault her for not having feelings for me, i just wish she had told me earlier. and not sent damn mixed messages that we would talk some day. and i wish she had tried a nicer way of “breaking up”, even a text or an email, than NOTHING AT ALL. that is rough for anyone, especially sensitive old ME.

hint: when you have to remind your “friend” that “are you aware that its been 5 months since weve actually hung out?” that is a very bad sign.

this is really only POSSIBLE if you see each other in a nonhangout way, like working. otherwise you just wouldnt have SEEN them in 5 months and then it would make it easier for you to accept that its over, and for you to Disengage. Detach.

its just weird and hard to see someone every day you used to hang out with, used to be better friends with, and now you never hang out with them, and they are pulling away from you. and there is nothign you can do about it!

you can accept it, change it, or leave, sayz muh book. i would have Bent Over Backwards to change anything she wanted me to…..except stop bugging her apparently. well because i wanted to talk to her tho. i couldnt stop bugging her. also i couldnt change her in the sense that i couldnt MAKE her luv me!

and she couldnt change me from luving her, she sure couldnt accept it, so that left her with only leaving.

i could not accept that she did not want to talk to me. uhhh what did i try to change. not sure. i tried to back off her for a little while but i couldnt do that forever cuz…..i still wanted to talk. i guess i was trying to change THAT situation by trying to make her talk. i kept doing that until SHE left. hahahaha.

accept it, change it, or leave hahahahaha.

RESPECT THE POWER OF PREGGERZ / ALL WOMEN ARE SOCIOPATHZ

96 sunday

poker start and maths phd chris ferguson was able to start a bankroll of tens of thousands of dollars off freerolls, ie, free tournaments, tournaments that you can enter for free. these of course are the only kind of tournaments i play, and very begrdugingly at that cuz i prefer cash/ring games.

so the aim is play more aggressively than usual, go all in early and regularly so you build up a huge stack.

and of course going all in you risk losing it all.

i still refuse to go all in unless my hole cards are OK at least!

went for 2.8 mile walk. no jogging. cuz its sunday and i want to let muh legz rest.

funny i completed the walk only 4 minutes slower than i do when i am jogging. and certainly during muh jogs i jog more than 4 minutes. therefore at those times i must be WALKING slower than i do when i am JUST walking.

and it also burns about the same about of calories, 280, as does walking and jogging.

basically it looks like jogging give no health benefit whatsoever.

shit so disappointing that the woman acted so immature to me, because i try to SCREEN FOR such immaturity. i thought she was Strong and Moral and Mature and Decent. and she generally IS, which is why she passed my screen! but in THIS particular situation, boy she really screwed it up hahahaha.

well she would say I screwed it up because i got feels, im the one who changed.

well that doesnt mean you cant talk about it like an adult!!!!!!

un fooking beleiveable. if this ever happens again, i will be writing tell all blurt it out emails within 3 months of getting feels hahahaha.

and not be afraid to ask about boifrans, and how do you feel about me, do you like me, and i dont have feels for you now, but i MIGHT in a few months, lets keep a dialogue going about this ok. it helps if you are young, not ugly, not fat, have no kids, and are not a slut, ie have a number below 4 hahahaha.

or 3 hahahahaha.

i like women that have not taken a lot of cox. that respect the power of preggers.

well i would totes have casual sex with a fook buddie right now if they were attractive. and i wouldnt judge them too harshly for abusing their uterus like that.

i guess what really matters is that BOTH PEOPLE AGREE WITH EACH OTHER.

BOTH PEOPLE ON THE SAME PAGE.

do both people agree this is casual sexs?

do both people agree it is serious monogamous longterm rel sex?

or is one person wanting one thing, and the other person wanting another thing?

is it ONE SIDED or TWO SIDED hahaha

note: there are situations where people are Fook Buddies for a while, then the man gets feels, and then it turns into something similar to what i had. though probably worse, because you actually fooked them, and they feel nothing, and you are in deep luv.

well i would GUESS that because you are FOOKING, you have a better chance of getting the B to respond to you and talk to you! even if they are like yeah sry even tho ive known you for years and weve fooked 10000 times i still have deeper feelings for guys i have only JUST MET.

unbelievable.  they have deeper feels for some random scumbag they JUST MET, than someone they have known for YEARS, and have at least some sort of friendship with. those people they dont care about at all. how can such backwards, inhuman, evil people EXIST?

how can they live with themselves? they have no conscience, they are sociopaths, thats how, they dont care about right or wrong, thats why they can murder their own children and break so many hearts so callously. these are not humans with human souls! they are EVIL MONSTERS! nightmarish, grotesque demons! sadistic torturers, SOCIOPATHS!

even the ones that seem NICE! that dont seem like Sociopaths, and will not be sociopaths to anyone else ever, will be sociopaths to YOU hahahaha.

Women, on average, are way more EVIL than men are! you just get some male outliers, like the psychopaths who kill 50 people. you dont get as much of that with women, the bell curve is flattened, and women dont serial-kill so much, but they do break a lot of hearts mercilessly, ruin a lot of lives mercilessly, and murder a lot of unborn babies mercilessly. and these Everyday Evils, which Women perpetrate so casually, so callously, are what makes the Average Woman WAY more Evil than the Average Man!!!!!!!!!!

this is why i constantly go walking or jogging hahahaha.

and yet i am still fat, not morbidly obese, but still A Bit Overweight and could not pull an attractive woman.

is it harder to pull a woman for Casual Secs or for a Long Term Rel?

I DUNNO. I have pulled women for Short Term Fun and it wasnt particularly HARD when i did it. it was more an issue of SUPPLY. At College it was like a Pleasure PLayland of 18-21 year old gurls, where 60% of people were a Cute Young Gurl. the Real World isnt like that. Get a room of 100 people and only 3 or 4 of them TOPS will be a cute young gurl!

so all i needed to do was go to parties or hang out with friends and go to places with Alcohol And Women. Period. That’s All. It Took Embarrassingly little charm or confidence or Alphaness or charisma.

after i got out of college, the supply of women dropped DRAMATICALLY, AND the ones who were Available For Action were much harder to Pull, even if they were high-number sluts. i used alcohol to give me more confidence but by that time i was drinking TOO MUCH and the alcohol didnt give me ANY confidence, but made me look like a Weird Alcoholic with a Drinking problem, so it HURT my game in other words.

i was thinking that back in summer 2014, female friend seemed like she liked me becuase she was just being friendly, because she was Vulnerable after her Relationship Ending and some people, when that happens, they become Warmer to Everyone? or more friendly? in an attempt to use Other Friendships to Fill the Void of their Recently Dead RElationship. i dunno. just trying to think of Alternate Explanations other than “She liked me THEN, even when she was starting dating some other guy, and i should have struck when the iron was hot, because 3 months later, that door would be closed” because of course that is my biggest regret!!!!

so should you TREAT women like the Immature Infants they are? I dont think you should! Hold them ACCOUNTABLE! Say NO you are an ADULT and you should ACT like one and you have DISAPPOINTED me greatly. i dont care if its not a FUN conversation, lets have it! treat me like a human being! if u liked me 3 months ago, turn that shit back on! shit!

(i dont think she really did like me at that time anyway, she was just Seeking Sympathy and Warmth after her Rel Ended. And i mean “seeking sympathy” in a good way, as in, any person would be Vulnerable and Seeking Sympathy then. Comfort and Warmth would be better terms than sympathy.)

damn. she was reflective and sensible and mature on some things, but NOT on the issue of me and hers rel. and i thought she would be. so disappoint.

and of course all i can do now is think of her sucking and fooking all these other guys. not kewl man.

i thought she would come to her senses in time and realize she was being ridiculous. and contact me and say “yeah your right our friendship meant something to me too, but sorry i dont return your feelings, but lets not have any hard feelings.”

but NOooOoOoOoOoOoOoO.

anyway you cant MAKE people DO ANYTHING. i was trying to FORCE her to TALK. if she didnt want to talk, she wasnt gonna talk. and boy did she not wanna talk at all!

its the same thing with cheating. if a btch wants to cheat on you, she’ll do it. if she doesn’t, she won’t. she can go out dressed like a whore and not cheat on you, if she really doesnt want to. she can go out dressed like a Oldskool Traditional Housewife June Cleaver and cheat on you if she really wants to.

so when your B leaves you at home on saturday night dressed like a total cvmguzzling whore, out to the club with her gurlfrans who are also dressed like whores and who are known sluts, just smile and say welp if youre gonna cheat on me aint nothing i can do gonna stop you baby, so just cheat if you wanna cheat.

and shell stamp her feet and say ITS NOT CHEATING WERE NOT EVEN REALLY DATING! and then go and suck 90000000 dicks that very night and it will be SO MUCH FUNNNNNN to get Tipsy and get Covered in Cvm and have 9000000 sweaty dicks rammed down her throat.

this is how i express my pain and anger about being rejected in a very painful way. this has been a VERY painful experience for le me.  hahahaha. no but it really has. it will take a long time to get over this. I WILL SURVIVE but my god i will be angry and sad and hurt and hateful. I already am. This was/is just ridiculous. this is the worst thing in many years. i still cant believe it even happened. but it did.

this is arguably even worse than someone DYING. because if a Luved One DIES, you know they luved you, they know that you luved them, there wasnt any hard feelings, well sometimes there is, but also they dont CHOOSE to die (unless they K themselves!). they either die suddenly on accident, or they are old and you can sort of see it coming. and you Share Some Luv before they die.

but with somebody dumping you in this way, they are saying, i dont want to be part of your life at all because you suck that bad. i dont care if there’s hard feelings, i am DELETING you from my life. just cutting you out entirely, suddenly, no communication needed. you are deleted and i am deleting myself from your life as well.

but you KNOW they still exist and they are out there sucking cok and enjoying life and totally remorseless and have totally forgotten about the pain they have caused you by being such a huge evil bitch.

and you would never think of treating your WORST ENEMY this shittily! and thats how they treated you! like a total piece of shit! it hurts real bad! and takes a longass time (a year) for the pain to go away!!!!!!!! foook!!!!!!

CANT GET OR KEEP A JOB OR WOMAN CUZ ALWAYS TOO WORRIED ABOUT HOW IMPOSSIBLE IT IS TO GET AND KEEP A JOB OR WOMAN

aug 20

so my lesson learned was, if you get a chance to make out with your female friend, but you really dont want to becuase you dont have feelings (yet) and you think it would be weird and awkward, but she’s really not ugly or old or disgusting or physically gross or fupa and its kinda weird you’re NOT attracted to her and people might already think youre dating, well then just go ahead and make out with her, because you  are probably on the cusp of getting feelings ANYWAY.

also, ANY experience a man can get with a woman will help him. help you confidence, give you confidence that can never be taken away, help you level up.

i said that casual sex for women is unforgivably and horribly degenerate, and for men, it was still degenerate, still not a good thing, BUT its not mortally bad like it is for women.

in FACT, it CAN be a good thing if you as a man have really low confidence, and all the readers and writer of this blog have extremely low confidence, i would just say fooking go for it. especially if the woman is not blatantly gross.

if she is gross…. uh not sure.

the closest thing i have is when i was fooking 14 or 15, over half my life ago, my friend and I went to his grandfathers house about 50 miles away with a nice lake, nice place to go during the summer to swim and have fires and such. we met two girls that were like 16, 17, or 18 and hung out with them. the one i preferred, preferred my friend over me, and the girl i preferred less, preferred me, so i ended up making out with that girl, and being butthurt that i HAD to make out with that girl and not the one i really wanted. she wanted to be like pen pals or some shit and maybe talk on the newfangled email thing people were starting to use on our dial up internet. i didnt really feel like it because i was always thinking, this whole thing is stupid, i always wanted the other girl more! and now i’m stuck with the other lamer one!

well in hindsight she wasnt THAT lame, and she was a fooking 17 year old gurl, so i was in the wrong there. plus its not like she was disgusting! kinda hard to be disgusting when you are a 17 year old gurl unless you are morbidly obese, and she was not.  so i should have just tried to bang her.

would that have increased my confidence? or would i have been angry about that? cuz i was angry about making out with her can you believe it. i was like this sucks, im not gonna make out with somebody unless i really LIKE them. and then i did not make out with a gurl again for about 7 more years. also banged her hahahaha.  now i did like that gurl so it was much better, but in hindsight now, i dont regret making out with that gurl when i was 14. and in fact now i wish i had banged her. but i was kinda young too! i hadnt even started j3rking off 10 times a day in the height of puberty. if i were 16 then it probably would have been a different story! but by 16 somehow i was already a beta male and never hung out with gurls and had lost touch with that friend who was really responsible for getting me my first make out! he was a decent guy too.

lets see. did a jogwalk of a total of 5.4 miles today. 2.5 miles, then 2.9 miles. you do have to break it up so you can get water.

anyway. later on i then stalked my female friends facebook page, when i was trying to find out about her “secret boifrand”, and saw them exchanging lovey dovey messages prior to that day that i “should have” made out with her in the park.

so i used that to comfort me, that i shouldnt regret this too much, because she was already going out with him, liked him, didn’t really like me, and who am i to make a gurl cheat.

and now im like, well THAT rel she had with that guy was shitty, and he cheated on her, and it would have been better if she cheated on him, with me! who cares! plus it is possible to like more than one person. i often forget this! but you can be confused among a number of people.

it happened to me in 2005 for really the first and only time. i was emotionally torn between THREE women and would have dated any one of them. i suppose i had feelings for ALL of them!

unforutantely not a one of them worked out! that sucked.

but what i am facing right now is EVEN WORSE. because this gurl was better than any of those gurls. and we actually had a deeper “connection.”  that lasted longer. built up over time. that meant something to me. even if it didnt to her.

so it would build a mans confidence to bang a dirty whore? yeah, if she werent terribly ugly. thats why they call them “PRACTICE GIRLS.” so you can build your confidence and your masculinity when theres a woman you actually WANT.  or god forbid luv.

i mean just try it at least. she might be bouncing around on you and you cant even get hard. well at least you tried.  actually that could potentially hurt the confidence hahahaha. cant even get hard when trying to bang some filthy gutter whore.

but it was weird. as soon as my mind was officially made up that yes i want to date her, i could not hang out with her AT. ALL. prior to that we did hang out. while i was still in my “transitional” phase, or my “figuring shit out” whatever you want to call it. THEN we would hang out, during july, august, september. then my feels were official in october (i can pinpoint october because of course i wrote about it and could clearly see the difference between what i was writing in september (“its weird i dont have feels for her, but i dunno i just, im not super on board, it would be weird”) vs the very next month, writings from october (“my feelings have officially changed over the past month, i would like to date her.”) ) and boom starting in october she refused to hang out.  all i wanted was one hangout to TALK, like we had had in september, august, july, come on.

i mean she HURT me with how she was pushing me away. which culminated in the biggest hurt ever recently. shit she hurt me a lot more than i hurt her! at worst i just annoyed and or frightened her. i didnt break her damn heart and just rip her out of my life like a cancerous tumor, like she did to me.

which is so unlike a decent woman like her! I would have expected that out of a typical american degenerate whore, but not her!

oh well just proves all women are like that, degenerate whores, evil pieces of shit ahahahahahaha.

so yeah lesson learned is if you get ANY chance with ANY woman, provided she isn’t so disgusting ugly, i mean if shes young and not fat, just fooking go for it, even if you dont really WANT to at the time. also try to have secs with her so you are not so hung up about secs, and can view it for what it really is: just dumping a load of sperm into whatever cvnt is willing. hahahaha.

but yeah, now I am the weird one for thinking that sex should be a Special Thing that is Shared between True Lovers Only, and not everybody fooking each other like god damn animals.

im not sure what i thought was “weird”. it was something stupid like the shape of her head. that and thought it would be weird to have secs with a gurl who is Just A Friend.

i guess that is a legitimate reason for me to feel weird about it. i felt it would mess up our friendship, which at that time i did legit view us as just friends, and i even said, “please god i hope she doesnt like me, because i dont like her back, and i dont want to have to FRIENDZONE her”

and then a few months later i was exact opposite. in love with her and begging please god make her like me just a little bit so we can hang out and make out and spend time together and date for a year.

WELL, let the record show. back in the day when i was worried about her liking me, i was still very willing to hang out with her, talk to her, maybe i “built a wall” or “kept her at a distance” but i would still HANG OUT WITH and TALK to her. which was 90000000000000000000000000000000 times more than SHE did for ME when I had feelings for HER, but she didnt.

yeah i should have done more, but this is 60 40 her fault hahahah. maybe even 70 30.

i should have said during that time, “WHAT ARE YOUR FEELINGS FOR ME. I FEEL LIKE YOU MIGHT LIKE ME.”

i should have been direct like that. but i wasn’t. however at that point the onus was on her.

because when i got feelings for HER, i was more than willing to take that onus by the horns, and the moment i got her in private for A Talk, i would have said

“Listen, theres something important i need to talk to you about. now this is gonna be pretty awkward and im sorry, but i have to put the honest truth out there and talk about the elephant in the room. now this hasn’t been going on too long so i am glad we can talk about it before it gets TOO weird. but in october i got feelings for you and now i dont know what to do, but i know i do want to talk to you about them. i know you are in luv with another guy so. do you think you could ever have feelings for me when you are done getting over him? cuz you used to be really friendly to me in the past and i felt like you might like me, and i regret not making out wiht you in july, but i just was not sure then. i am sure now. what can we do here. lets talk about it. when you are ready to date again i think we should try it because we already know and trust each other. till then we can keep it cool though. but what does your intuition tell you. could you ever like a guy like me?”

something like that. i told her a lot of this in my emails but by that time it was too late.

i have ALWAYS had problems with women. i have ALWAYS had problems with jobs. and school. this is ample evidence that that problem is not with The Degenerate Stupid World, but with ME, and how i just cant handle the world. and i feel like that every day. that i just cant cope with life, cant handle life, cant do the basic things other adults do, cant get or keep a job, cant get or keep a woman, because i am constantly worrying about how stupid and impossible it is to get or keep a job or a woman!

WORKING WITH WIMMIN

oct 30 2014 thurs

day off

ok. gotta cut lawn, prob last time of year yikes. def getting autumnal out there.

then go for 1 hour powerwalk before it gets dark.

then bed by 7pm to get rest for hard day of work tomorrow.

well i am def getting better at muh job. handling things like a boss. figuring stuff out efficiently. being smart. not freaking out when they call in and just interrogating them and getting information dispassionately. but it has not been easy at all.

heh. be good to get this month of stress with woman9 over with already. can’t believe i let that stress happen with woman7 for like 2 or 3 years. NEVER AGAIN.

also going to stop buying candy and soda pop regularly. i feel that is making me pimply, making me generally unhealthy with its HFCS, and rotting muh teeth as well.

I will buy Throwback Mt Dew, but just over the past few weeks I’ve been seeing less and less of it. (real sugar.)

okay. did 1 load of laundry, got a second one in there, cut lawn, getting ready for a 1 hour powerwalk. before it gets dark at 6 pm hahahaha. when daylight savings time kicks in, it will get dark at 5 pm. oh noes.

invest in kazakhstan? cheap labor? no taxes? maybe i should, but isn’t that Textbook Globalization,, which I am against? well, not if it creates American Jobs, I guess, hehehe. Or makes me rich rather than poor.

yuuuup it will suck getting rejected but at least i will be able to get on with muh life sooner. quit my stupid job and move to north dakota, try to survive there for a year, if i don’t, come back home and beg for my old/current stupid job back.

or just pretend to look for a job, mooch off family, give them my savings, get into good shape, and bang 18 year old gurls like crazy.

ok. gotta get luandry, maybe use trimmer to trim stray hairs, go for 1 hour powerwalk, go to bed, quit complaining.

get a stupid silver or fluorescent green vest you can wear whilst powerwalking at night, so you don’t look like a hoodlum prowling around the neighborhood.

if concern about cleaning up hair is keeping you from trimming your beard or side hairs, conquer that concern by knowing that it is EASY to clean up hairs as such: just plug the sink and shave the hairs in the sink, then when you’re done, use a kleenex or paper towel to sweep the hairs out of the sink, and brush them into your cupped hand, and then throw the hair in the trash. if like 10 or even 20% of the hairs fall onto the floor, NO BIG DEAL, you can always vacuum them up later.

which is also why it’s good to have a little vacuum cleaner like a Shark or Dust Buster.

sh1t i lost a paragraph. it was about trimming the side hair using the wahl beard trimmer with the guard on level 3. this worked just nicely and indeed got some hair. not a lot. yet i was too hestitant to go to level 2, because then i would have to trim the whole beard to level 2 as well, and i want to grow a long beard again.

ok. i have this plan to develop An ALGORITHM for doing my job, squeezing it onto one sheet, then distributing it to the other people on my team, and I GUARANTEE that single sheet would be more helpful than ALL the training we have received from above. We receive barely any training, but are just thrown onto the job and expected to swim or sink, and the sinkers are laid off permanently. it is very nerve wracking because you just want to do your job well, but you have nowhere to turn to learn how to do the job well, you just have to kind of figure it out on your own. well i am going to put an end to that by Publishing and Distributing The Most Useful Tips. Some real Meta-Level stuff in there too, not just “read the manual.” read the manual, read the technical papers, read the emails. Emails are a substitute for actual meetings. we don’t have meetings. I would LOVE to have meetings for one f00kin hour a week just to talk to members of my team about Common Things, and seek Guidance and ADvice on How To Handle them, because Handling Them IS our entire job.

Well this might be giving too much away but oh well f00k it.

Woman 7 I used to work with and that was part of the reason I wasted 2 or 3 or 4 years on her, because I wanted one of us to leave the job before I made a Strong Move, because I thought I couldn’t handle continuing to WORK with her after she’d rejected me.

And the thing is, I also Work with Woman 9. I developed Feelz for her about 1 month ago, and in 2 days I am going to act on those feels and give her a blatant push so she can accept or reject me, so i can move on with my life quickly. But I also Work with her! How Am I gonna see her at WORK for like 20 hours a week (YES, I work 40 plus hours a week!!!!!!) after she rejects me without going crazy?!?!?!?! how am i gonna do my job which requires nerves of steel, and furious powers of concentration and Problem Solving?!?!?!?!

I don’t even CARE, it doesn’t MATTER, I’m gonna push ANYWAY.

Any this job is WAY more substantial than my previous job, which was the one I had with Woman 7. I really don’t want to lose my current job because of a Woman! becuase i am making halfway decent Middle Working Class OK Money for the first time in my life!

But I’m gonna push anyway, becuase I am THAT serious about not Wasting Years of Time and Simmering With Years of Regret. I am so determined to never let THAT happen again, that I will take the risk, that the Woman I Work With and have feels for, will reject me,and I will have to continue to see her every day. I’ll deal with the fall out then. As long as I don’t start drinking again I should be good, and I am VERY confident I wouldn’t start drinking again.

WOMAN 9

oct 26 2014

sunday

day off

darn got no time. still have feels for my female friend. this is obvious from the texts i am sending her. she has to have SOME idea now. which is good, I want her to get the hint. but i don’t want to be pushy like a beta. I’d rather be “pushy” like an alpha male, directly asking for what i want, and being masculine so as to to engage, interest, and excite the feminine female.

but i’ve never been the most masculine man. i am somewhat masculine but not super masculine, and it’s never really bothered me……EXCEPT when dealing with women. then it does really bother me. because the women I’ve always wooed are never really fond of me. but is it because of my non-masculinity that they’re not fond of me? probably, but impossible to prove causation at this point, hehehehe.

got up a bit early on sunday so i could play on internet but now i gotta poop and take shower and my time is being encroached again!

today i will lay off texting female friend, ease off the accelerator. i will be talking to her tomorrow ANYWAY, so there.

when i am by myself or with my friends my less-than-average masculinity does not bother me. i wish i could find a wimmin that liked me despite me not being super masculine, hehehe. maybe i am pursuing the wrong women.

of course with her, we get along very well and are very friendly, but she is just not super receptive to my new feelings, which is her right . besides my feelings started real late in the game anyway and prob caught her off guard.

i have not given up yet, just gotta take a break for TODAY. I also have a plan to Take Her Out On A Nice Date where we do something fun, and then i can put official moves on her then, like touch her arm, and then she can say um no, i don’t feel that way about you, sorry. then i say ok whatevers, that’s too bad, and go about my life. get rejected quickly, get on with my life quickly. bang other b1tches. i have already wasted 30 years, aint wasting time no more as the song says.

not this song! but this is another very reasonable step on my musical journey as of late october 2014 heheheheheh.

but i will say that another guy in this band has a tremendous voice and he should have stepped forward to sing/roar at least a little bit! would it really not fit the music? maybe. but his voice is damn good.

so yeah i def have not given up on courting my female friend, in fact i still have my endgame planned, ie a blatant bid on a blatant special hang out night. but i am not super optimistic. but i’ve learned i still have to try anyway and just fooking get it OVER with, if for nothing else, so i can move on and not waste years. Never Forget That Lesson.

no time to take a shower. but i got a huge poop because i ate a huge and delicious chinese food dinner on saturday night.

heh. come home, eat, take powernap on sunday, go for powerwalk, nice day.

oct 30 2014 thursday day off

welp. saturday is the day i go all in with my female frand. not great odds. probably get rejected. but that doesn’t even matter, what does matter is that i am learning from the mistakes of my past, and not wasting time any more. i just developed feelz for her like ONE MONTH ago and now I am going to bring it to the table ASAP.

in that she has agreed to hang out with me socially on saturday, and i will take her out to nice dinner, and pay for it, and then try to get some private time where we watch a movie, maybe smoke weed and pop valiumz, and i say WELP it would be a shame if we didn’t try CUDDLING at least, many women have told me i am the world’s best cuddler, etc

and then she can either say ok or ew weird creepy. if she says ok then it’s a quick slippery slope to making out, and Hard Masculine Poundings, and then Feminine Love from her. if she says no, then I’ll be like, ok, i’m a mature adult, I’m not gonna make you do anything, but yep that sucks for me, Lemme know if you change your mind, but i might be over you by then, just sayin.

not getting my hopes up, she might still be not over her boifran, or just not interested in me, oh well, life goes on, the important thing is that i ACT NOW, and I am doing just that. doing the right thing. thank GOD.

and if she says yes then sweet, i might have my first ever gurlfran of life after age 30.

and if she says no then at least this time i acted in time rather than waiting and simmering and fermenting and regretting and wasting YEARS.

Also, I did recently decide to just come out and make Female Friend into Woman 9 already. why the f not. She Is Woman9. or Girl9. I just say Woman now so the feminists can’t accuse me of misogyny. they will anyway. they can suck mah d1ck. i wipe my ar5e with their face.

did not get much sleep, i wanted to, but had errands. finally got break. drinking coffee. maybe go to bed at 7pm.

i have been texting Woman9 more, almost erry day with stupid beta sh1t and smileys and i like u and bla bla bla. So I am trying to go several days without contacting her, namely today and tomorrow, then i see her on saturday and then hopefully enough tension has built up and that will make her more favorable to mah wooing.

but yeah by this point i do honestly like like her and would gladly date her monogamously. no cheating.