wed aug 9

so people used to drink like 1% alcohol beer because it was cleaner than water, the alcohol killed all the germs and viruses and bacteria and shit in the water, so it was actually safer to drink beer than water. and you stayed hydrated by drinking weak beer instead of water.

could you dump dirty water into beer and then the smallest amount of alcohol would kill all germs? i dont think it worked that way. like, you couldnt ADD shit. you could MAKE really watery beer and then THAT water would be ok.

whenever i read shit on /relships, im like, why are you even asking? just dump them. just dump them.

then i realize its because they actually CARE, they dont WANT to dump them, they want to save this relship, they are WILLING to MAKE AN EFFORT, they dont WANT to LOSE this person.

and it is painful when a person just wants to be DONE with you. they want to be done with you SO MUCH that they are ok with never talking to you or seeing you ever again. you might as well have DIED.

at least send your mom, or your BFF, or your new BF, or a Social Work Student, to be a messenger of the bad news and to say SORRY, I KNOW THIS SUCKS FOR YOU. or you can just send an email or text yourself which says that. sorry, i know this sucks for you, i dont mean to cause you this pain, but i cant do this anymore, i have to back out, sorry, the end.

how hard is it to send a TEXT saying THAT? it takes LESS THAN ONE MINUTE. to throw away a person without even taking LESS THAN ONE MINUTE to say something to them is just ridiculous hahaha. i would NEVER do it to anyone.

now i am on the outs with people but its completely different situation. like for an incorrigible addict who has been given countless chances by everyone in their life. that’s not what was happening with me and that woman. i felt i wasnt even being given ONE chance to Air The Grievances. Festivus hahahaahahaha.

i AGREE that at some point you can talk about it TOO MUCH and talking about it any more wont do you any good, you just need to END it.

i’m not sure when that point is. probably when one person is sick of TALKING about it and the other person is obviously not listening AT ALL. I think this is probably more than three times. use the old three strikes rule of thumb.

so yeah i dont feel i got three strikes. never even TALKED about it ONCE. SO THERE.

eyebrows. never understood the manicuring of eyebrows on women. i have about average eyebrows and i would be perfectly happy with a woman who had the exact same eyebrows as me. well i have one eyebrow hair that grows extremely long. not sure how that happened but i just trim that one single hair like every 3 months and that is good enough. basically i prefer a natural look to an artificial look, and everything women do to make themselves up looks so artificial to me! women of a certain age are NATURALLY beautiful! why do they want to fook it up by making it look ARTIFICIAL?

for a similar reason I don’t like makeup, lipstick, eye shadow, eyelash mascara, any of that shit. no thank you. YOU LOOK LIKE A HOOKER.

maybe the TINIEST bit of makeup to show that she is making an effort for you, her man, not to seduce a room full of rich men. of course she doesnt need to make an effort in the looks department, but showing the WILLINGNESS to DO SOMETHING for you shows loyalty and luv and good faith. the more you know. rather than someone who ignores you, avoids you, and takes you for granted. doesnt really luv you. wants to be done with you but is too craven to tell you in ANY way.

hire a damn Process Server hahahahahaha.  YOU GOT SERVED.

no i didnt hahahahaha. i would have preferred getting SERVED.

aaaaannnnnd bitcoin continues to go up. OH WELL. I DONT HAVE ANY MORE TO SELL.

I resent women because (and this is certainly not the ONLY reason) is because I would be SUCH a GOOD woman. I could be a better woman than most women. Men know what Men want. Men know how to be a better woman. Women have no idea what women want, or how to be a better man, so their opinions are stupid and worthless. men’s opinions are wise, meaningful, correct, and important. Men speak the truth, women speak bullshit.

but this is the way its ALWAYS been! dont hate a cat for being a cat! dont hate a dog for being a dog!

yeah but dogs and cats arent supposed to mate together!

but im just saying its always been CONCEALED and COVERT with women, they NEVER knew what REALLY goes on inside their body or minds, so why expect them to be “honest” about it? they can’t possibly BE honest!

i guess I just value HONESTY that much. and men DO.

i guess i’m just mad that men value honesty so much and women are naturally dishonest, incapable of honesty. if i didnt care about honesty so much, i wouldnt care about women being deceptive.

heh. well, what do women hate about men? they hate weak, needy, clingy men. and there are plenty of weak, clingy, needy men out there. i’ve been one myself.

i dunno. i just feel being weak, clingy, and needy is not as morally wrong as being DISHONEST. a cheater, scammer, liar, abandoner.

because im using mens morality not womens morality hahahahaha. for a MAN, YES it is pretty bad to be weak. or dishonest. for a WOMAN, for a MAN to be weak is the worst thing ever, and for a woman to be dishonest doesnt really matter. women get to get away with being CHILDREN.

i guess i also resent that too: men have to be RESPONSIBLE, women DONT. COME ON.

if i have to be responsible, i want muh women to be responsible too.

i struggle bigly with being responsible, but i know being responsible is the right thing to do.

whitesville west virgina, think i will move there hahahahahaha.

there were yellow flags and red flags with that woman, for example some silly stuff she believed…..but EVERY woman believes some silly stuff and has some yellow flags in that way. just be grateful she hasnt been with 60000 guys red flag. besides you can probably mold her towards less silly beliefs and make her a white warrioress bearing you many little white warriors. what could be better. and then when that woman leaves you like a ghost, you are devastated for at LEAST 2 years. it all makes sense.

hey. i KNOW i was important to her for a WHILE. like she genuinely liked me as a person, liked seeing me, liked spending time with me, i could TELL she wasnt FAKING it. so i guess i just wanted her to SHOW ANY of that at the end. like i’m sorry, i know this HURTS, sorry, i dont mean to throw you away like a piece of garbage because thats NOW how I think of you. you really DID mean something important to me, i just couldnt Do Those Feelings.

that’s all i was looking for hahaha. dont be SO goddamn destructive. try to apply a little soothing balm as you rain down fire and napalm and nukes. make any effort to at least do that.

dont let a woman name your children, they end up picking a STUPIDASS name like brooklyn or something. no. brooklyn is the name of a city, not a person. be a man and name your child something traditional and good like michael or mary or anne or elizabeth or john or james or richard or donald or adolf hahahahahaha. it’s not complicated. it’s not difficult.

how can you give birth to children but not know how to name them hahahaha. how can you give birth to children but also murder them and be horrible at raising them? why can’t men just get pregnant. they would probably do it better than women. we dont need women at all. women are a net loss hahahaha. just use women as brood mares, locked away from productive male society.  they grow children, give birth, and absolultely nothing else.

so what do you do with girls. you cant ABORT them because ABORTION IS MURDER.

yeah but women just arent WORTH as much as men hahahaha. they are LITERALLY inferior. their lives don’t MATTER as much hahahahahahaha.

no i am jk of course. but you see the slippery slope.

but really i mean come on. these women. they gotta start adding value. not just coasting on this being the bearers of children bullshit hahahahaha. actually be a worthwhile PERSON hahahaha.

JEALOUSY IS NATURAL AND NORMAL. Women will never understand this. they think jealousy is always bad and means they should dump you and that youre abusive and a horrible person and you should work to get rid of all jealous.

NO. JEALOUSY is a GOOD thing, because it WARNS you of BAD things: that the mother of your children is CHEATING on you.

Now, some people might be Overly Paranoid, and that’s not good, but if your GF is spending lots of time with her Male Friends, then YES you SHOULD get jealous! instead the women bitch about their jealous bf and then end up dumping him and getting with their male friends. because their ex bf had no good reason to be jealous then hahahahahaha.

i want terribly to sm0ke mj, but i dont want to be around st0ners, hang out with these degen idiots. i just want a big bag of mj all to myself, so that i can get blazed alone, in peace. no people around. that woman would have been the exception. i liked being around her, she didnt like being around me at the end. i was desperate to hang out with her and sm0ke mj with her, had a FANTASY of hanging out with her, smoking mj, cuddling, making out, her being nice and sweet to me, etc.

but i am also happy just sm0king weed by myself, other people make me nervous. just be by myself and listen to music or maybe exercise or something.

meh i dont care if emily youcis is a huge race traitor wh0re, she has done enough and put herself far enough out there that it pretty much cancels any past degeneracy. she has made real sacrifices and done real penance. she wouldnt do what she’s doing now if she wanted to go back to fooking blacks. she has woken up and changed. god for her.

i have no proof that she was fooking LOTS of blacks, but i assume that as an artsy, punk, drinking, MJ smoking, urban young gurl, singing in a punk band dressed like a hooker, foul mouth, yeah i mean i’m not NAIVE hahahahahaha.  she CLEARLY has a PAST.

but thru Becoming Who You Are, you can be Redeemed from any sin! its really kinda like accepting Christ as your personal saviour! but probably even better! with a lower Recidivism rate is what I’m saying. meaning lots of sluts will turn to Jeebus but still be gold digging, treacherous sluts at heart. maybe eventually destroy their beta cuck husband. but when a woman goes 1488 like this…..it would be really hard for her to turn back after that. i mean i guess sinead could, but she has no credibility anyway. a newcomer like emily youcis has more credibility that sinead, who has done nothing but attack good people. its very disappointing. she could have done a lot of good.

richard spencer is trying to hire one person for 12.5k a year hahahahaha. that’s about as much as Im making right now. and he wants this guy andrew joyce who probably is a good writer and has a graduate degree hahahahaha.

my point is, i simply couldnt just waltz in and get a 20k Alt Right Job, because there ARE no Alt Right Jobs! The one alt right job there is pays 12k a year and wants qualifications i dont have!

again, you would LITERALLY be a LOT better off taking calls in a tech support call center.  good god.

anyway i think it would be better if someone like emily said yeah i fooked negroes in the past, i am disgusted with this and would never do it again, rather than sinead avoiding talking about it, when she gets accused of being a mudshark all the time, and she probably was, but just wont address the issue. just say you did it, say you’re ashamed, say you understand your mistake, learned from it, and became a better person! we will forgive you! were not monsters!

not that theres been any mudslinging on emily. the alt right has been very gentlemanly to her and she hasnt done any sketchy shit either.

well she was just on the david duke show today, which is a good show, i just dont listen to it super often hahahaha. but he just had richard spencer on a few days ago, and he has andrew anglin on regularly. i have been down with david duke for YEARS. i dont like the plastic surgeries and the rumors of degeneracy, but the stuff he says is so solid, and I was glad he ran for senate, and is talking to the right people. keeps in touch with the young kids in the alt right. WN 2.0 hahahahaha.

i have listened to at least 20 episodes of his radio show hahaha and listened to at least 60% of the audiobook of “my awakening”, can heartily recommend. great book. great info on the JQ which I got in 2012 or 2013. Duke has been around for DECADES, before there WAS an alt right, and the best thing out there was mgtow. yikes. dark days. then you found stormfront and said, hmmm i think these guys are onto something, but theres gotta be a better way of doing this. this guy david duke is pretty solid, why arent there more people developing this line of thought? and now there ARE.

heh. i am an oldfag, back when i was getting into shit, MGTOW and MRA was the EDGIEST shit the internet had to offer. besides stormfront hahahaha. and i read a little bit of stormfront too.

but yeah boy am i glad the alt right happened, MGTOW was a damn dead end.

dec 29

so yeah. while I USED to identify as a MGTOW, i did have serious problems with it as I accepted my pretty natural desire to have a Wife and Children, to have a traditional monogamous white relship. pretty quickly i realized how jooish and unnatural it was for men and women to be at war with each other, to be enemies. this wasnt all womens fault. there was a more insidious force at work.

the family life was shitloads better than the mgtow single life. i couldnt believe how so many mgtows could not figure this out and were still either talking about how to bang sluts, or how to build robot women.

tarek and christina split. i bet it was her that is At Fault. To Blame. I never liked her hahahaha. i liked him a lot better even though he is half arab. plus he doesnt look or act semitic at all.  and their chidren were adorable. i bet she dumped him and he begged her to stay and make an effort to work it out baybeeeeee and now she is fooking new guys, probably WAYYYYY more nonwhite looking and acting than tarek.

right after he had that Cancer Scare! What a Horrible Bitch! but he seems too nice and she probably needs a man who can absolutely DOMINATE, if not abuse her. she would be more down for a more dominant arab man. tarek RESPECTS women too much. many women dont want to be RESPECTED hehehehe. then they go on reddit and tell women everything is abuse, loveisrespect.org. nope. you respect a woman, she will leave you for pedestalizing her. OR do something so horrible and disgusting to teach you a lesson about Pedestalizing. Take me off the pedestal! I’m gonna fook 10000000 negros right now!

going to buy new glasses. it is the biggest jooish ripoff since going to the dentist. going to the doctor hahahaha. go into these glasses places and they are full of Shark Women doing sleazy salesmen shit. absolutely disgusting. women shouldn’t be doing this. shit men shouldnt be doing this. no business should be run like an obvious jooish scam. capitalism doesn’t have to be so jooish and disgusting ahahahaha. purge the bergs and steins hahahaha.

americas best is the WORST. if it says 2 pairs of glasses for 70 bucks……..sheeeeeit. don’t tell me that 2 pairs of glasses for me is going to be 210 bucks. that is THREE TIMES MOAR. if someone comes in asking about the 2 for 70, do you really think they have a huge budget to buy the top shelf glasses and lenses? and us rubes don’t know that frames and lenses are two different things. 2 frames for 70 is bullshit when its like 140 for two sets of LENSES.

i would ask them, what are you looking to spend, 100 dollars, ok, well for that you can get this, for a teensy bit more you can get this, then you prob wont want to go much hgiher than that!

no frills, no add ons, no extras, no upselling, just bottom shelf, bargain basement, basic bitch everything.

2 pairs of glasses, out the door, with lenses, for 70 bucks. that is what i want. i don’t care about polycarbonate, or scratch protection (well, sorta i do), or antiglare coating, or transition lenses hehehehe. maybe if i had vision insurance, which only the top 1% do hahahahaha. or people like muh baby boomer family hehehe.

i thought getting a glasses shop job would be pretty chill, but after going to a few of these places, i can see that it would not be. on dec 29 the places were packed with people. maybe thats just normal for the holidays.

bitcoin falling finally.

GENTLY signalled interest in the MJ with the one person i can conceivably talk to about this. i thought he might have not registered the idea that next time he wants to go in, i’d like him to tell me so i can go in with him. he is generally good at reading signals but i still wasnt sure, besides, i am terrible at communicating stuff like this. and he is abstaining for the medium term for very legit reasons. but yeah yesterday i made it clear that when you decide to stop abstaining, please let me know ASAP. he clearly understood what I was saying. so that is good. Now I know not to be PUSHY.

in other words, ive done all i could there.

but yeah i was like damn how could i ever do what these women do. lie to people to sell them glasses. they deliberately make shit confusing and complicated to Upsell and Add On Shit, and have horribly misleading advertising. i hate this jooish shit and i hate that white women are stuck working in these jobs. i’d be like listen, you want the lowest price, i get it, well then you have to get this. i SHOULD HAVE studied the website for americas best before walking in there, just so i could tell them the things i DIDNT want.

well i ended up finding a pair for 70 dollars, including both frames AND lenses. that seemed reasonable to me. so just said ok ill take it. wanted to get out of there anyway. fookin glasses. the place was huge, had a ton of employees, and a ton of customers, and i thought, really, glasses? such big business? doesnt everybody have lasik or contacts?

i dont like honestly not terribly smart white women acting like jooish snake oil salesman. youre obviously tyring to confuse me with glasses jargon. dont do that. i should have taken 5 minutes to study glasses jargon before i left. but i shouldnt HAVE to in a nice huhwhyte country is what im saying. i guess i didnt realize the glasses industry was so thoroghly jood. i shouldnt be surprised though. health care, hospitals, doctors, dentists, medical, insurance, its all fooked and jooed. which is sad.

and when MJ is legal that will be jood too hahahaha.

tensions with israel at the moment. UN snubbing israel and obama/kerry saying yeah we snub israel too. trvmp saying just you wait bibi, just 3 more weeks and then me, your best buddy, me, will be in office, and you wont get this terrible treatment from the US. this was always gonna be the black pill about trvmp, was his super friendliness to israel, i guess we were just gonna not think about it until it was time to think about it. which is now nigh.

i mean i guess i support a state for joos as long as they get the damn joos out of the US. out of our media and culture and govt and business and education and everything. absolutely never gonna happen.

square pegs. mid 80s teen sitcom with teenage sarah jessica parker. she was a QT when she was young, fook this horse face nonsense! but it just never suits a woman to be a 40+ year old slut, so she brought that shame on herself!

i think she is jooish. doesnt stop 20 year old jooish gurls from being qt.

yeah i believe in REDEMPTION. and if i believe in redemption for myself, which i would LIKE to, then i have to believe in redemption for other people. namely, women, sluts, degenerates. if i can do it, they can do it. if they can do it, i can do it. and i like reading stories of actual redemption.

i dont think sinead is stupid. in fact i think she is attractive and its tech good she has a baby. she sometimes comes VERY CLOSE to making good points, and then totally crashes and burns, or attacks somebody great like millennial woes. so she is very frustrating and disappointing, because she has great potential. and of course she could be redeemed too. but my god she HATES the alt right. she views it as a totally gay compromised thing. calls it the alt k1k3.  i guess i should be happy that in 2016 there are qt white women who are ok on the JQ and not afraid to use the K word hahahaha. didnt have this even 4 years ago.

but yeah if kyle is her lover she should identify as his wife, and be like, im taken by my one man kyle, and he is the father of my baby. i luv him and will be loyal to him. and not have any ambivalence there.

so in short i dont trust her at all. i trust emily Y more than her.

wow what an insensitive cvnt. and she wants sympathy from reddit. i hope they crucify her hahaha. if she worked halg the day that her husbando worked, she’d be EXHAUSTED too. but now she wants to dump him because his job is exhausting him and she is annoyed by him being exhausted all the time. what a fooking bitch. he needs a woman who can have s ome damn sympathy for him.

basically with /relships, i upvote men and downvote women. and men who talk like women. women have nothing smart or good to say about relships. they have no idea how to have relships with men.

i think if i went into americas best and said listen. i see your sign for 2 for 69.95. that’s basically the type of value i want. I want the SHITTIES lenses AND the shittiest, cheapest frames, for less than 100 bucks TOTAL, out the DOOR. frames AND lenses, under 100 TOTAL. no deals, no add ons, no extras, no 2 pairs. no scratch protection, no anything protection, i am looking for the equivalent of no-fault shitty auto insurance. i would like to buy nicer glasses but i cant afford them.

reddit is gonna say there is nothing wrong with the sister being in JOOISH PORN and the man needs to GROW UP and GET OVER IT.

now i dont think you should be quick to pull the DEFOO trigger, and always be open to forgive and allow your family the chance to repent and redeem themselves…..but the sister is not moving in that direction at ALL, in fact, she is doubling down on the PORN. so the brother is RIGHT to be DEVASTATED and depressed about this. shit what if his WIFE decided this was an ok thing to do?

i was watching andy griffith and gomer pyle USMC and i was like, these quaint shows of a better time. that gomer pyle is a likable idiot. seeing that this stuff is STILL made by joos when you watch the crrrrrredits.

or this show “Square pegs”, which i had never heard of, but seemed pretty entertaining and well-written and funny. yep moar joos. which is not surprsing as this was the 80s. but joos in the 80s and esp the 60s didnt seem so god damn JOOISH as they do now. well except for that sneaky sneaky joo norman lear. i mean i used to watch all in the family regularly, and like the character archie bunker. i still kinda do!!!!

but yeah being JQ aware really helps you with shit like that. and reading between the lines to see this is more than just a good show. its more of a subversive and offensive show than you realize. you’re not SUPPOSED to……well i cant even say that youre not supposed to like archie. he’s the main damn character. i think you ARE supposed to like him, and realize YOU are just as horrible of a racist goy as he is, and then learn Lessons Of Tolerance just as Archie does. but archie truly says some hilarious shit. him and his wife edith are both great. and shitlib son in law meathead. total shitlib sjw leftist commie.

i WISH the show were written by alt right SHITLORDS rather than SJW Joos! honestly the alt right could bring the show back in this way, that’s a great idea. would be even kooler than a blatantly alt right king of the hill.

on the fatherland, muh boy no1 suggests that million dollar extreme/sam hyde is basically Entertainment/Comedy for Goys By Goys, comedy stripped of any horrible jooish influence. i mean i hope it is! we need our own CULTURE, stuff like music, movies, tv, stories. not just implicitly cool stuff like christopher nolan or something, but something that comes right out and says, this is who we are. we are not J’s. this work is 100% free from jooish influence. i would love that. cuz you can’t GET that in mainstream ANYTHING.

this is another benefit of black metal hahaha. it is very free of jooish influence. maybe thats why i like it so much hahahaha. was such a big boortzum fan for so long hahaha. really liking this saor/fuath hahahaha.

well because its impossible to make a tv show or movie without a bunch of Js getting involved. I like more solitary pursuits, more of a Auteur approach hahahaha. one man’s singular, unadulterated, unjood vision. much more practical to accomplish with music or books. and i dont like books hahahaha. well auteur movies are a good attempt too.

and certainly self made youtube vids. or 1488 podcasts hahaha.

havent really watched lots of MDE. dont know anythign about the other guys in MDE other than sam hyde. i guess there is an mde book now. i mean i respect and trust no1 so his recommendation is as good as any.

george feels responded to me and said thank you. so that was nice. have no idea if he is gonna fix the thing that i said he might want to fix hehehehe. well i did my part. i might give him another dnation next xmas hahahahaha.

when i get to the position he’s in….wait a minute i am actually OLDER than him hahahaha. AND he has a better job than me.  so when HE gets to the point I am in now, THEN he should start going to hookers and smokin MJ which is freely available in his damn town. just walk into the store just as easily as buying a bottle of booze. and he Gets To Do That too. I’m not even allowed to drink booze any more hahahahaha.

this is kinda sad. of course i would say take the “dream job.”

He has very low self-esteem and has mentioned several times that he may be depressed. Until recently, he would rant to me over text (hundreds of texts) about his insecurities, that he feels like trash, and that there’s a lot of expectations and societal pressures on him because he’s a man. Multiple times he’s told me he wanted to end his life. When I tried comforting him and dissuading him from it, it backfired and he lashed out against me, saying that there is no way I can empathize with people like him in the slightest. In subsequent meltdowns, I held back on comforting him out of not knowing what to say, and he said I lacked a moral compass and that women like me are biologically wired to hate men like him.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. well i know how this guy feelz, but the fact that she HASNT left him yet, CARES enough to ask reddit. but yeah. ive felt that exact feel. women HATE loser men more than men hate sluts. and they will throw you away like garbage. thing is, she hasn’t thrown HIM away like garbage, and i think if she DID dump him, she would make an effort to do it in a decent way.

yep you will be a virgin for the next 10 years, just be thankful you can even GET a job. also try not to get arrested for drugs or alcohol hahahaha

oh thats fine, nothing wrong with fooking 12 guys by the age of 18 hahahahaha.  sex is a conditional, relative, gray area thing. sometimes its serious, and sometimes its just casual fun!!!!!! yay!!!!!!!!

BE ASHAMED OF YOUR SLUT PAST. tell your bf yes im ashamed of what i did and who i was, and that shame is gonna keep me from doing that shit again. yes it is digusting i agree. instead when you tell him im not ashamed at all, whats wrong with that? uhhh yeah youre saying i have no shame about being a shameful slut hahahahaha.

because who knows when they are gonna get bored with sex with YOU and go easily find it with any of their 6000000000000000 male friends.

they SHOULD be ashamed of their slut past. that is the BEST way to make your new bf OK with your slut past. NOT say, no, i’m not ashamed of that gross degen disgusting shit I did!

you SHOULD be ashamed of disgusting things you did! not continue to unrepentantly insist these things ARENT disgusting! damn!

what ELSE is she not ashamed by but SHOULD be? cheating?

best to be with somebody who shares your sexual MORALITY – that sex is not some Fun Game to be played with any Sexy Boi. of course its hard finding a woman with that sexual morality! and if you do, they will not like you back and will reject you VERY HARSHLY hahahaha.

sheeeeeit you know what, she was EMOTIONALLY CHEATING on her original boifran. she wanted to fix things with him, but she was EMOTIONALLY CHEATING on him anyway. by becoming friends with ME. yeah i didnt realize this at the time, and not until recently, and its safe to say she NEVER realized it! because she was emotionally retarded!!!




aug 1

shit i was so triggered by that stupid xkcd friends comic that i lost sleep thinking i was that guy with her, and thats why she hates me, and i am a horrible person who did a horrible thing. a dishonest liar coward.

and if im defending myself, then its probably because i see myself in the character no?

well lemme state that i agree that nice guys tm as they are presented are shitty and horrible and anybody who REALLY does this should feel ashamed. but i just dont thing these things happen this way!

these nice guy haters NEVER address the questions of: how can you hide your feelings so well for so long?

even though it IS the responsibility of the person with feeligns to express those feelings, why cant the woman say, something feels WEIRD here, it feels like you are starting to get feelings for me. why doesnt that ever happen?

because usually EVERYONE CAN TELL the guy is in luv with the gurl. his friends know, everyone knows, why doesnt the WOMAN have even the LEAST suspicion?

does the guy deny to himself and to everyone that he has feelings for her?

whats wrong about a friendship that grows into something deeper? what if youre still getting over someone else? what if you dont like fooking people right away?

why does the woman have to date SO MANY GUYS and Fook them? why is she such a damn slut with a revolving door of badbois? She has SOME responsibility for PICKING these “jerks.”

i wanted a damn attorney to argue my case that I was NOT a NICEGUYtm.

  1. i wasnt trying to HIDE shit. I was TRYING to talk about it and get it out in the open.
  2. i wasnt “settling” for friendship as a “consolation prize.”
  3. my feelings CHANGED in the MIDDLE of the friendship.
  4. i wanted her to STAY with her “jerk” original BF. I didnt think he was a jerk per se and I encouraged her to make an EFFORT with him.
  5. i CHANGED entirely once I began liking her and she totally noticed the difference in my behavior and thought it was weird.
  6.  i DID respect her.
  7.  i DID value the friendship. but i was willing to sacrifice it all for the TRUTH to come out.

anyway i AGREE with the author that being That Guy is WRONG, but i dont think theres so many nerdy men out there doing this.

when you get FEELINGS for someone, its an IMPORTANT thing, its not like some woman fooking 9000 badboys. you have REAL feelings, and you get nervous, and confused, and scared, and mentally and emotionally compromised. you dont make the best decisions about how to handle things.

like getting nervous at a job interview like i have tomorrow and thursday hahaha. you dont say things super confidently like trumpenfuhrer.

heh. the author of xkcd is younger than me. not that i am YOUNG! but i used to be young. in skool, i was used to being the youngest one in my class.

also, he was a successful nerd who went on to have a GREAT career, and have GFs, and write a comic that thousands of people liked and allowed him to quit his GREAT NASA scientist job. why would you quit that?

so yeah i hate thinking i was LIKE THAT.  I KNOW being like that is WRONG. I never WANT to be like that. but I did act so well either. I SCARED ok? its not EASY to blurt out to somebody that you luv them! so i tried to figure out other ways of doing it! and that wasted a lot of time.

but she could have hung out with me once, like the xkcd gurl HUNG OUT with the cueball guy. she wasnt avoiding him like the plague because she thought he liked her hahaha.

also he stops being a bad niceguy the second she consents to a relationship with him! nobody ever points this out!

oh but he was manipulating her in a moment of weakness and loneliness.

well shit, arent our whole LIVES moments of weakness and loneliness????

i was lonely but that doesnt mean i settled for her out of loneliness!

and why didnt she just dump him like 2 days after they fooked and said yeah i was drunk, we shouldnt do this?

the woman gets into a new relationship every month, the man hasnt been in a rel in 10 years. of COURSE he’s gonna be rusty and AWKWARD and nervous and be the antithesis of SMOOTH!

dont accuse someone of lying and scheming and deceiving when really they are just awkward and scared to say “i like u”. cant you tell from the way they act around you that they like you? them texting you all the time with smileys and hearts and them wanting to hang out and buy you dinner and walk in the park and all that?

don’t these niceguys do that?

how are these niceguys hiding their feelings? or are the women just that bad at reading obvious signals? i don’t doubt that either.  like we said before, women are notoriously bad at relationships and communication. just godawful at these things. if relships were a meritocracy for women, the species would go extinct. because they are all incompetent at the WORK and ACTION that needs to be done to build and maintain relationships. you do all the work for them cuz you cant make babies without them. but they dont know that hahaha. they dont know ANYTHING hahaha.

i wasnt perfect, i made some mistakes, but i was NOT a niceguytm like that comic portrays!

it hits close to home because i have stuff in common with niceguytms and worry that i might be confused for one. well im not, and i will be the first to tell you i hate women and i am not a nice guy hahahaha. just a hateful woman hater. i dont LIKE it, but they just give me SO MUCH to HATE hahahahaha. stop being so god damn hatable! Be Better! Do Better!

and i especially hate thinking that SHE thought I was like that! but i dont know for sure if she thought that.

had 2 more recruiters call me today. i think its MONSTER. every time you upload a new resume, it automatically gets set to public. i uploaded one a few days ago. i guess i forgot about that.

i mean i wouldnt want to be a recruiter either. calling 40 people a day. how can you even juggle that many people? i just cant juggle that many people. but i guess you’re SUPPOSED to if you want a job. and you have to have a job. no wonder women can JUGGLE SO MANY men. you just have SUPER shallow “relships” with them all.

SUPER shallow. quantity not quality. r not K.

yes i care what people think about me. not all people, but the people i care about. i care if they have the completely wrong idea about me and think i am a horrible person when im really just a coward who desperately wants to not be a horrible person!

im trying so hard not to be a horrible person, its just SO HARD hahahahahahahahaha.

hooray 100 jobs in 1 month. well, 1 month and 1 day.

i just get ANGRY looking at these jobs and thinking should i apply, could i handle this, how stupid is this, and then think of HER making good money, moving forward, staying TOUGH, and i am way smarter than her, and I have THREE times the college she does hahahaha, and EIGHT years older than her, yet she is doing SO much better at life than me, and i am having SUCH a hard time doing the BARE MINIMUM.

welp see the dr next week, will ax them to bump me up from 40 mg citalopram to im guessing 60. i dunno. that would be my guess. not like anybody knows what they are doing anyway. so give me a huge xanax prescription, a huge painkiller prescription, also a MJ prescription, etc.  thats what i think you should do doc.

but maybe there will be a cute 22 year old medical skool gurl there hahahaha. and ill be like did you i graduated from BLA BLA and she will say oooo i wish i could have gone there and Ill say yep its a great school innit, well i still became a huge failure and i wish i could be as successful and normie as you, a 22 year old med student hahahaha. i mean you got accepted to med skool, thats a big deal. i had already crashed and burned by that age. i peaked in high school hahahaha. looks like youre peaking in med skool. good for you. want to go for coffee in an elevator hahahahaha and talk about how science is awesome and how women should be polyandrous hahahaha and may I Prep Milady’s Bull pl0x?

so applying to jobs and thinking of her sneering down on me….she’s NOT REALLY DOING THAT. but she prob IS more successful than me and just moved WAY ahead of me in the Game of Life. but she doesnt care enough to sneer at ME. i wish she did hahahaha

but yeah point is, i shouldnt even think of HER while doing jobsearch, but i DO, possibly because i am a masochist.

ok applied to 5 jobs today AND printed out my interview stuff for tomorrow. prob wont apply to anything tomorrow, or maybe 1.  and then have the awkward social situation tomorrow night with the drunk team member. he didnt show up last week so we dodged a bullet. he never NOT shows up, so that was a first. so he is bound to come back soon. and we will have to deal with the situation.

i hate EXPLAINING things to people because most of the time I dont understand whats going on. it is SO HARD for me to UNDERSTAND new stuff QUICKLY. i can use flashcards to memorize it quickly but it still doesnt make any SENSE.  and thats where the bullshitting comes in.

so i dont even grade the postings any more, i just say APPLY, APPLLYYYYYYY for the really good ones, or maybe for the meh ones. thats all there is, because thats all that matters.

i really should LIFT, or i really should do some kind of sprinting or high intensity thing with my powerwalks. that was the one good thing about the Fatclub, well besides staring at indecently dressed sluts, that I got pretty good at Jogging. now i dont jog any more.


saying just tell me what to do and i’ll do it pleasssseeeee is for the WEAK.




now excuse me while I listen to James Read War Metal hahahahaha

i mean i do basically agree with all that. being weak hasn’t gotten me anywhere in life.

i basically hate all NORMIES like HER who arent in the middle of this grueling, humiliating, terrifying job search process. where every day you feel like a worthless, incompetent, subhuman, subminimum piece of shit retard loser neet. ohhhh and shesss such a bigggg winnnneerrrrrr.

no, she doesnt even CARE. she FORGOT about me long ago, has new friends now.

and i dont. i am not super close with my weekly event friends but im not sure i really WANT to be. i mean we dont have too much in common. they are nice people and we get along but i dont feel a super close connection with them.

maybe i should look on the social anxiety forum for how they deal with angry customers demanding explanations for things you dont understand, but you cant transfer them, so you have be cool under pressure and bullshit your way out of it. cuz really the ANXIETY is what kills you in these situation. not the despair. but the anxiety is the big problem there at that time.

there is another stupid xkcd comic called “rejection” which shames guys who get mad when they get rejected. because you’re supposed to be HAPPY about being REJECTED. good god. how does this guy live with himself. because he’s got a good job and makes a lot of money and somehow is better with the ladeez than me. i dunno. maybe he has an open relationship or cucking fetish. would explain a lot. i mean what kind of MAN is a FEMINIST. thats what he comes off as. a feminist male. and i guess the feminists give him enough action to keep him a servile feminist.

did nice 5 mile powerwalk

that feel when you feel like you just cant DO shit, you cant DO a job. your customers call you asking you to do something for them, and you dont know how to do it, and you look like an incompetent idiot who is not qualified for your job.

like for example this job interview tomorrow. i dont know shit about security systems. cameras and alarms. but that shit is gonna be in my purview. people could get away with crimes if i dont know what im doing. say i see somebody getting K’d on a surveillance camera. or rather, the camera went out, i neglected to fix it because i didn’t know how, and during that time, someone got K’d in view of that broken camera, where if i had fixed it, there would be a good chance of Identifying the Suspect or something.

but OOPS i fooked up and this guy gets off scott free and a poor white gurl is dead.

not that this is a high crime area. but there is the occasional groping or assault or theft by a nonwhite.

also the job starts at 40k. are you kidding me? i am only asking for 26k hahahaha. but i wont tell them that.

well i found their knowlege base, it only has like 15 articles in it hahaha.

well i mean shit if they want to hire me, they’ll hire me, in fact the odds are against me. MAYBE they want me for the midnight shift. i mean shit that is when all the people do crime, at like 3 or 4 in the morning.

i just wanted to BE HEARD. if youre gonna punish me, give me a chance to explain myself before the court.

that xkcd friends comic needs like a sequel or an update or a few more chapters to fill out the story.

and who exactly is cueball and who exactly is this woman in the larger universe of the comic? i mean maybe this cueball guy really truly is a little bitch. its hard to tell ANYTHING from this one comic.

notice cueball is not showing a lot of internal conflict. this does reflect poorly on him. when my feelings started, i had HELLA internal conflict, because i wanted to tell her. i wanted to show her. i tried showing her because i was too scared to blurt out “i like u nao” and the tension and conflict rose and rose until it exploded. none of this happens in the cueball situation. in fact, she is hanging out with him, sitting on the couch next to him, drinking. COME ON.

and hows he supposed to know she did that because of a moment of weakness? ESPECIALLY if she continues dating him? that just doesnt happen. she would in reality just dump him soon after saying, yeah dont get too used to that because i was just drunk and it didnt mean anything.

BELIEVE ME, if she didnt REALLY WANT to be in a rel with him, she would LEAVE HIS ASS in the blink of an eye. she wouldnt STAY WITH HIM while she figured it out. dump first, figure it out / rationalize it later.

so yeah i dont like how the comic portrays the woman as a blameless victim. yeah, cueball is a little bitch, but the woman is an immature IDIOT too who bears SOME responsibility. dont turn her into some innocent martyr. shes a fookin MORON who is too immature to have ANY relationship but she just falls into them because women are the supply, men are the demand.

this is what i write about instead of thinking about muh job interview tomorrow. yeah i am a little worried about that too hahaha.

i have had happy times which didnt involve her. so i must remember those times. chief among them was this nice time in spring/summer 2014 where i met up with an old college friend and we did a bit of a “road trip” to go to a wedding. it was a lot of fun. good people and good times. and That Woman had nothing to do with it. although at that time, i was thinking “we get along so well, maybe I should think more seriously about trying to date her. she is such a nice gurl and we get along so well. but she is breaking up with her BF nao and that has got to be tough. i mean that will take a few months to get over. I dont want to swoop in like some stalker waiting to pounce.” and THE she starts dating some new sleazebag and then I got REALLY interested. what was she doing jumping into this? why pick a sleazebag? why avoid me like the plague? why wasnt I cool any more?

like i say, it hurts to be once held in high regard, then get Demoted. Downgraded.

i wonder if that little adventure helped me make up my mind regarding the female friend. maybe a little bit. i was starting the journey but it would take a few more months to go all the way.

aug 2

sheeeeit interview TODAY. 2 pm. 12 pm right now. i have taken shower, shave, eat breakfast, gone to bathroom, even pre tied the tie i am going to wear because it can be a little tricky. it takes me a full 1 hour and 40 minutes to Get Ready for a Big Day like this. that includes getting out of bed, shower, shave, bathroom, coffee, breakfast, teeth brushing and flossing, and putting on suit with tie.

do not feel great about this, why are they even calling me in for this 40k job that covers a lot of stuff. i cant handle this, i cant hande anything hahahaha. way to pump yourself up before a big interview haha.

HORRY SHEET. well i had the interview. me and the Director. nobody else. no 5 person panel. me and him in a room for One Hour. I was very nervous going in. VERY nervous.

He was really nice, nicer than I expected, no super hard questions. The interview actually went a little BETTER than average. the job starts in the HIGH 40s. He said there were 4 people interviewing. DAMN. I felt pretty good about the interview and the job sounds really good actually. with absolutely ridiculous pay, benefits, health care, days off, ridiculous 401k matching. it sounds too good to be true really. whats the catch.

so i felt some confidence and felt good, getting this would be a LIFE CHANGER. i mean i should become a BORN AGAIN GOD worshiper if I can get this. total LIFE CHANGER. transform me from a total loser to a pretty damn big WINNER OVERNIGHT.

he was nice to me and I was nice to him. I expected a hardass grilling me with super tough questions. specially from seeing his picture on the website. but he was nice.

and then i thought “dont get a big head about this, what if i dont get it,” and THEN I thought

NO. NO. GO AHEAD AND YES, DO GET A BIG HEAD ABOUT IT. ENJOY that feeling of confidence and big headedness. THIS is what NORMIES feel every day, THIS is what is attractive to women, THIS is what makes winners and strong husbandos and fathers, THIS is what I’ve been missing, and THIS bigheaded overconfident feeling is what I NEED in my life.

its better to be overconfident than underconfident. period. who cares if its hubris. ENJOY IT. because how often do you feel GOOD and CONFIDENT? FOOKING NEVER. ENJOY IT. DRINK IN THE BIG HEADEDNESS.

this is what normies and and WHAT MAKES THEM NORMIE. It is GOOD to feel this.

so what if i get rejected. I would have gotten rejected ANYWAY. better to at least feel GOOD for a LITTLE bit.

because what seems like HUbris and Cockiness and the Sin of Pridefulness to me, is actually just NORMAL CONFIDENCE.

because I am SO UNUSED to feeling this.

THIS is what is attractive to EVERYBODY: employers, friends, women, EVERYBODY.

so if i get this job it means I can contact HER and be like HAY BABY.

NOOOOO. well it does mean I will beat her at the game of life, which is good. but it means i will be able to find a BETTER woman, who wont leave me in the fookin lurch, and who is willing to Go To Bat for me.

i mean everything. he starts talking about the pay and benefits early in the discussion, oh you get 12 sick days a year, but we dont like to take more than 10, everyone here is nice and helps each other out, yeah we can be flexible with hours, doesnt have to be 8 to 5, could be 7 to 4 because i know how traffic gets around here (pretty bad), we have one guy who wanted to do 4 10’s, so he only works 4 days a week. i was just thinking why are you even telling me this. and he didnt seem like he was SELLING anything, like sleazy managers who tell you anything to get you in the call center seat. he started as an officer

good god just got a call about another job, now have interview on monday with mortgage dept of bank. wow. not too excited about that hahahaha. well at least they didnt want me to come in TODAY or TOMORROW.

anyway the……college security computer tech job had the interview today is definite hella better. i mean these arent sleazebags nor do they seem like dirty cops hahahaha. he’s like yeah we get pretty good funding because the college is serious about security. ive been here 10 years, there are 2 other guys on this tech team, one has been there 3 years, got a new guy last year, they dont seem chomping at the bit to GET OUT OF THIS HELLHOLE hahahaha. ie they dont hate their jobs and lives.

so like i say, i got a good vibe off the supervisor at the security job. he rattled off all these benefits matter of factly. he even hinted that there might be DOWNTIME. and people arent working 60 hours a week every week, running ragged to meet impossible production quotas and crushing people to get there. which would prob happen at this damn bank hahaha.

well at least its not this Hip Mortgage Broker (Lender?) that hires Classes of 30+ people every few months, then they quit or get fired in a revolving door. but they paint themselves as so damn HIP and FUN and COOL that it comes across as very disingenuous and i have stopped applying there hahahahaha.

yeah i mean i care about the culture, in that i want the culture to enable you to do your work, meaning you can get help if you need it, and not look like a fool getting thrown in the deep end who cant do shit for your clients. a company that sets up you for success not failure.

but of course a company that sets you up for failure will tell you that they set you up for success, that they care about work life balance, that they have a starbucks and a gym in the building, you get free coffee and soda and fruit. oh wow. how about you just give me work that i can actually handle. just be fooking straight and honest with me. don’t make me lie and bullshit to poeple, and dont tell me bullshit either.

so yeah the coppers today seemed honest and no bullshit. good cops hahahaha. i mean i like cops. unlike that woman, who hates cops and luvs ingras hahahaha.

fookin 49k a year, are you KIDDING ME? ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

i almost dont deserve this hahahaha.

i thought you had to have a MASTERS degree to make 49k a year.

I would be happy with 29k a year hahahaha. i didnt tell him that though.

well this is not a union position. no contracts. meaning they probably could shift the pay. go to a lower salary band. but the college throws buckets of money at their public safety department! they are flush with cash in a way that no damn companies are! its kind of insane.

now normally to get a police job you have to do police academy, pass tests, and then start off in a fooking shithole ingra jungle like compton or bronx or something. you dont start out in a CUSHY place like this. you gotta pay your DUES first. i havent been paying dues! i have YET TO PAY MUH DUES!

basically this job would be too good to be true. not a lot of bullshit, GREAT pay, fooking raises every damn year, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? most people havent gotten a raise in like 5 years!

AND making enough money to Win a true honest to GOD 1488 Tradwife!!!!!!!!

Which is much harder to do at 28k a year. which i would have gladly taken hehehehe.

he didnt even ask why i left my previous job! though im not even sure he knew i HAD left it.

so yeah not every job i interview for do i say, ya know, I would really LIKE to get that job. but this one, definitely.

im noticing it takes at LEAST a month after apply for the job for them to get back to you about an interview. with some exceptions where they call you pretty quick. but if they dont call you in a week….they’ll call you in a MONTH.

anyway. its also important to remember…..say i were to get this job and my life would do a total 180 overnight. huge loser to huge winner. rags to riches. omega to alpha. foreveralone to loving tradwaifu. its important to remember that NOTHING has changed about ME. I’m the same person as I was before the interview, as I was for the hour I was doing the interview, on the basis of that hour they will decide to give me a 49k job and wave the magic wand and transform my life.  and i will still be the same person, same essence.  the same foreveralone virginal neet who managed to fake competence for an hour, in the right place at the right time, to convince the nice man to hire me.

really i mean this in the good way, like, i always had It In Me, when I tend to think I DONT have it in me. the confident man says YES I DO have “it” in me. I can handle this. I deserve good things. I can do a good job. I am WORTH 49k a year hehhehehehe. Seriously!!!!

I mean Im DEFINITELY worth 30k a year…..but 49k? I just can’t see it.

well at least I got an interview for a 13k a year job on thursday hahahaha. I am definitely worth 13k hahahaha.

49k PLUS health care (well Im sure that cuts into your 49k) PLUS paid time off PLUS vacation days PLUS 401k where they straight up contribute and you dont even have to! and weekends off! straight Mon thru Fri! and no midnights! no Split Shifts! No 60-80 hour weeks! there might be holidays but it sounds like there is rotations.

32k national AVERAGE for the mortgage job interviewing on monday. i would expect more towards the low end of 27k.  the job description is really confusing and talks about vendors and pipelines and distributed and waaaat.

i hate reading job descriptions, you dont even know what they’re SAYING, its like speaking a different LANGUAGE. and then you meet the people, and in a good situation like today, you see they are normal, nice, decent, honest people who aren’t trying to baffle you with BS. cuz these job descriptions are total bs.

property preservation. like a drug house in the ghetto where they need to scrub the blood off and the meth lab explosions and black mold and termites and toxic waste so the bank can sell it to fookin tarek and christina.  well wouldnt THEY do most of the rehab work? i mean alot of their shit was just shitty that they buy. i dunno! thats why they dont train you! i dunno! its just my job! who knows if im doing it right! yeah sure im doing it right! these are best practices HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


REJECTED (80 20)

nov 7 2014 friday gotta werk tomorrow

well it doesn’t look good with me and muh female friend, woman9. this might be the big rejection right here. where it was 70 30 before, uhhh now it might be 80 20 hehehe.

so the question is, do i become an autistic sadist by not taking the hint, and by pushing and pushing and pushing until i force her to actually SAY the words I Reject You? Cuz that might be bad karma on my part.

I had to push woman7 because she was autistic and asexual and possible lesbian, none of which is true about woman9, who is much more feminine and clearly heterosexual because she went out with a guy for years before they ended it.

anyway. what actually happened. i was gonna ask her if she wanted to hang out over the weekend, because she canceled last weekend and then said she wanted to reschedule. so i figure maybe try this weekend. however i also didn’t want to be too pushy, because i’ve been being a little pushy lately, and she’s been a little cold. so i figure, don’t be so pushy. time to pull it back, rein it in. fine, i can do that.

so she says have a good weekend, see you on MONDAY, which very clearly implies “nope don’t want to hang out on staruday or sunday.” so I say, ok, you have a good weekend to, text me if you want. like she didn’t know the door was open to her texting me, with me texting her every day like a beta f4g virgin!

anyway so i am definitely gonna rein it in, ball is in her court, and she can either return it, or not.

it is a possibility she needs to think about things and really decide things, make a big decision, formally end things with this other guy, etc. and it certainly took me a long time to go from being Just Friends to being In Luv with her. It could theoretically take some time for her to do the same, hehehehe.

so how much time do i give her? a week? a month? a year? hehehehe. definitely a week.

normally when a gril rejects me, the mature way i deal with it is say ok and then do No Contact, because i CANNOT see them afterwards.

i don’t think that’s unreasonable or immature.

The problem is when i have to see the woman who rejected me, and then see them giving obvious signals of interest to other guys, that she never gave to me. then i get angry and can do stupid embarrassing emotional things.

and when i have to see the woman, then it’s harder to move on and to want other women more than i wanted her.

nonetheless, having to deal with the challenge of seeing her regularly after the rejection, i think is better than not making my intentions clear. in other words, i had to do that, and then just deal with the fallout later. the fallout being, it’s going to be a lot of work and stress for ME dealing with the person I like rejecting me, on a regular basis. Heh. It’s not like she has to do that, because she never liked ME, so her seeing ME is not a big deal.

so in other words, i did the best thing i could do, by making my intentions clear. i had to put it out there. and she might reject it. all the signals i’m getting now from her say, i am not interested in u that way. body language, being somewhat distant, canceling hangouts, etc.

still a small chance that she’s just figuring things out. so i will give her like a week to do that. it does take a few solid nights of Sleeping On It to come to a decision on things. in fact it took me a few weeks to reach a conclusion about her, on how things had changed in my mind. maybe even about a month.

So i will give her about a month. and she may be more nice and warm and open to me after that time. hopefully! but still an 80 20 chance.

Oh well. At least I cannot regret not acting or not putting it out there, that’s my main thing, is being able to not regret not doing something. that is even worse than the rejection! even worse than living with the person who rejected you while watching them not reject other men!

but yeah. good for the blog, because in the history of this blog i have never been rejected by a grill. last time i got rejected was by woman7, in 2012, and that was before this blog. it might have led to the start of this blog in spring 2013 though. and then it wasn’t until recently that I actually  liked a Woman, Woman9. and so now i get to deal with a rejection in Real Time, which will be great for the blog, hehehehe. well at least i don’t drink any more. I will try not to give away too many personal details, because that is bad karma, and i don’t need any more bad karma, i am trying to bounce bad from many years of bad karma.

but karma is bullsh1t you say. well the word karma is gay, and i’m not fully jumping behind the whole new age thing, OR an indian religion thing, I’m just speaking Generally, I think in a general nonreligious, nonnew age sense, karma is VERY important.

anyway. just be cool, act like i am not affected at all, act normalfag, don’t act butthurt, don’t act beta, don’t be super nice either, also flirting with other grils in front of her wouldn’t be bad. act normal. don’t act angry or butthurt even if i am. and i def will be. so hide it. hide the anger. just be cool son. don’t let her know at all how much it bothers me. just put on the act. i can act. it’s not hard to act. and certainly dont tell her i haven’t had S in 9 years or havent made out with a gril in 8 years or haven’t gotten close to going out with a gril for 9 years and even then it was only a month and that was the longest “relationship” i ever had. talk about RED FLAGZ, hahahahahahahaha. but women don’t need to know any of that, it’s none of their f00king BUSINESS.

be cool, be cool, be COOL.


june 26

so yeah. my speaking files are great. as i work on them and on my speaking i might even put one on youtube and give it to u here. and just say f00k it to my voice being disguised.

or i might just start off releasing the early files to mah real life friends, start off private, and slowly get more public.

because, like i SAID the other day, speaking is 900000000 times more powerful and effective than writing. speaking will be THE NEXT PHASE of this blog.

i am more excited about the speaking than i am about this writing to be perfect honest hehehehe.

and i still have not gotten my rx. i guess i gotta call the docker AGAIN. heh. what if i needed that sh1t to LIVE.

what rx do you get when you are so nervous at your job that you can’t even DO your job? and then get fired for not being able to do your job because you’re so nervous all the time that you always screw everything up and can’t learn anything? is that panic attax or just general anxiety?

hehe. another reason talking is better than writing is because its FASTER and EASIER. you can talk almost as fast as you can think.

the benefit here is if you start writing about negative things, like daydreaming about b1tches you used to know, and wonder what could ahve been, becuase you didn’t take action, like me daydreaming about being happily dating Girl8 or something.

writing about it forces me to dwell on it longer, while TALKING about it i would probably be able to keep it in perspective without blowing it out of proportion.

writing allows you to blow things out of proportion much more easily than speaking.

also, speaking is much easier to understand than speaking.

writing sucks. hehehehe. sez the guy who has been writing obsessively his whole life.

i should have been making recordings of myself talking my whole life.

this might possibly be the magic bullet from THE LORD that saves my life.

so ideally i will find a private place where i can just sit for an HOUR and talk. um maybe find a secluded area of a large park. or just sit in the parked car far off in a parking lot. that would be fine.

its similar to talking to the shrink really. speak to the recorder like you would speak to the shrink. just openly and honestly and not putting on airs or masks or anything.

writing, it is easier to write yourself into a bad mood. to convince yourself things are worse than they really are. to get super dramatic. with talking its almost the opposite. so: write less, talk moar.

i guess you CAN get dramatic when you speak, but i also suspect you can get ahold of that a bit easier, keep it under control.

like i can’t stop thinking about girl8 for example. might have to make a talking file about it. her. that b1tch. hehehe.

serenity now!

bbbbbbut I have never luvved a grill like gril8 since….gril7! and i’m worried there will never be a grill9 and i will never luv a grill again! i want to luv even moar than i want to BE luved!

i will always be hung up on gril8 for the rest of muh pathetic life! I will let good girls pass me by because i can’t stop thinking about gril8!

heh. see what i mean, that true luv is CRAZY? it IS MADNESS!!!

heh. it was the same madness for girl7, so don’t think girl8 is all special.

heh. ok. i should get to all my destinations like 15 minutes early just so i can sit in the car and talk.

might be easier when i start my job. then i can go in 45 minutes early to try to appear motivated and keep muh job.

funny i read something in my 90000000 pages of “onboarding” materials that they do not want you working off the clock, ie coming in early or staying late, and that is a firable offense, just like anything.

say you can’t work at the fast pace they want you to, so you stay later and also clock out so you essentially work for free, off the clock, to do the amount of work in 8.5 hours, that they want you to complete in 8 hours. Nope. You’re fired.

well hopefully the sucky job will make me think of girl8 less!

why can’t i stop thinking of girl8?

because it is a matter of regret, and not doing enough; i didn’t go far enough with her. i can get over girl7 because i took that to the limit. i did all i could, got rejected. done. but with girl8 i did NOT do all i could. i did NOT make a solid effort. the gurl that got away. slipped thru mah fingerz. never made a full effort, never got rejected, so it’s still OPEN and OPEN ENDED and ambiguous and up in the air and unfinished.  that’s WHY , 4sshole!

heard a story about a guy laying concrete for $22 an hour. makes $33 an hour for every hour past 8 that he works on a given day, without having to necessarily get to 40 hours a week first. and then makes $44 an hour on saturdays. so he works 10 hours a day, monday thru saturday. 60 hours a week, hehehehe.

there was like one week where i worked 50 hours a week and i almost k’ed myself!

but i was and am not making $22 an hour either!

heh. that is masters degree money.

i bet girl8 makes $22 an hour and she doesn’t even HAVE a masterz degree. I was surprised by that. (her not having a masterz degree. EERYONE has a masterz degree. faggots.) i hate masterz degreez and the faggots who get them. and then b1tches dump you because you don’t have a masterz degree because you’re not AMBITIOUS. fucking cvntz.

hehhehe the LANGUAGE we use shapes our Attitudes!

there is this episode of king of the hill where hank goes to the arlen barn, and bobby goes to the cotillion, and peggy meets some of the Cool Hipster Momz and goes to the Wine Bar. I can really relate to Peggy, torn between the two worlds of No Pretense Upper Working Class, vs the Hipster Cool Intellectual Middle Class Urban Hipster Masters Degree Faggots.



may 16

ok took a nice 3.2 mi pwalk. nice. bretty much made up my mind that YES i should go with the guy on his road trip to the wedding. what would I do if I were a Normalfag who wasn’t Controlled by my Laziness and Loserness? Well, I would be gainfully employed and fly out there, or I would say yes to the guy instantly.

heck i should just say yes right now and then if i get called back to the job, tell em, i got a thing planned and can’t start till june xth. really don’t think they would then say, oh well, that’s 2 weeks later than we wanted you, so you’re fired permanently. they are already using this ridic Seasonal Model Of Employment to cut Labor Costs and to avoid Health Care Costs, much like making A Full Time Job into 2 Part Time Jobs.

anyway it would be genuine fun. and a good way to Make Amends and Assuage Regrets. plus it’s not like a job where you have to stay with it for life. it’s just a limited time. and i might meet some single gurls looking to Party for the night. and I professional network. the list of pros never ends.

protip. ok say you go on a 5 mile powerwalk and then your shirt and shorts are soaked with sweat and then you feel gross, understandably so, putting those same clothes on for a powerwalk on another day. you can do the rinsing the clothes out with soap and water in your bathroom sink as i mentioend earlier; OR you can try taking a SHOWER WITH THE CLOTHES ON. Or, if that’s too weird, bring the clothes in the shower with you and just rinse them out that way.

OR, buy special clothes that Wick the Sweat Out rather than absorb it In Forever. I guess like those Under Armour shirts all the f4gg0ts wear? well at least theyre not unemployable friendless wirgins.

“WICKING” shirt, activewear, athletic gear, go to TARGET and go to the activewear section and get the cheapest v-neck shirt, cheapest Muscle shirt, cheapest shorts, and cheapest pants you can find. get xlarge, something that feels baggy and loose on your body. better to be too big than too small. of course you don’t want it falling down below your 4ss like a n1993r, hahahahaha. and then just go to planet fitness during the winter and powerwalk on the treadmill for 100 minutes immediately after work, and then you can Walk Off the Stress from the Day at Work.

may 17

yep. so if you are faced with a decision and really can’t decide, getting cold feet, just want to say no because you always are afraid to say yes, think, wait a minute, what would a normalfag say? maybe this is my lazy loserness possessing me. and then say yes like a normalfag and Learn Something from the Experience.

damn. had another dream about a true luv girl last night. girl7. remember, it’s not REALLY about girl7 in particular, rather about the General feeling of True Luv I felt for All True Luv Girls. she just happened to pop in.

something involving skool. she was teaching the class i was in, or doing a presentation in my class, and coming off as real smart and professional. can’t remember much but I am pretty sure I acted more butthurt beta to her than I should have.

thankfully I do not remember much about the dream and it is not gonna ruin my day.

I f00king HATE Ben Stiller and the Fockers sequels, but the original “Meet The Parents” has genuinely hilarious moments. Like Robert Deniro calling dogs “Sellouts” or Ben Stiller’s ridiculous dinner prayer. although i do not agree that dogs are “sellouts”. or “emotionally shallow.”  how about u? wimmin, on the other hand….. i don’t hate wimmin, but I don’t LIKE them either.

gearing up for saturday 3.2 mile powerwalk. also really should sent this Guy a response email today, it has been one week since i first got his email, then shot off a quick response, “thank you, will respond soon.”

this is a great protip. when you receive an important email that is gonna take some thought, send them a brief two sentence email thanking them for reaching out to you, as soon as possible, to reassure and thank them. Who the hell (other than weird losers) don’t like being thanked? Even I like being thanked or complimented, and I am a weird loser who can’t pull a job or a wimmin!!!

OK, went for  3.2 mile pwalk, AND FINALLY responded to that guy. now just waiting for him. tried to make the email shorter and not go all out talking about my weird self. heh. in the past,like a year ago, i was writing epic emails to like 3 diff people, it was too much. what I learned from that is, DO NOT tell your old kollege friends that you are out of the Racist Closet or else you will have a lot of splainin and damage control to do. plus back then I was more extreme of a racist. I have simmered down a little bit. Thank RamZPaul for that, heheheh.

We’ll see. take it 1 step at a time. At the very least, I see it as A Sign From My Higher Power to Make Amends to this guy and to the guy getting married, amends for kinda blowing them off a little in the past, and just to tell them they are good people, and should have spent more time hanging out with them than orbiting around Girls 2, 3, 4, and maybe 5, like a luv crazy fool. not like i betrayed them or anything but I was being pulled between at least 2 social groups, and their social group did not get enough face time from me as I would have liked in the long run. that’s all.

heh. i do not have these social problems NOW obviously. i do have friends thank GOD. but one set of friends is more “superficial” and we do a regular fun activity together but I still keep my Inner Self hidden somewhat. though I should make more of an effort to hang out for different types of activities. And I have one friend who I am very close to and we know all each others deepest secrets and fears bla bla bla. and another friend i would like to make more of an effort to see, maybe once a month, but he is a big boy now with kidz.

how about u? yes, if I were a true neet wizard with Zero Friends, that would suck balls.


mar 31

but what I esp don’t like about horrible middle class masterz degree leftists, is that they never learn that being a leftist is stupid, because they are rewarded with good careers, making their useless masterz degree pay off, having a good job, having an attractive mate or mates that they like, not getting divorce raepd, making enough money to live and have children, rising in their career to Level 2 and 3 and managerial and decision making positions rather than constantly struggling to find a stupid entry-level job, marrying attractive people rather than hideous hambeasts like we proles are forced to marry (but not me!); and they go to COnferences and their companies pay to put them on planes, etc.

when I would like them to lose at life becuase of their leftism; but they don’t; and I have converted from left to Hard Right, however I have been a loser both as a stupid leftist and a loser then as an awesome smart enlightened right rightist;

heh I looked at the girl I might as well call “potential Girl8” on FB AGAIN, she just put up a new profile picture, and she looks GREAT, looks BEAUTIFUL, looks marriageable and dateable and monogamy worthy, just absolutely stunning, yet she has GOT to be 27 at LEAST. and she looks better than most 25 year olds! I would like to know her secret! you cannot be super promiscuous and partying and still look this good, can you? and yet she still does not list her career! but I suspect it’s probably good, everyone I know from that school is super successful middle class (but not me!)

do i want a working class girl or a middle class girl? statistically, i’ve been more attracted to more middle class girls, just looking at girls 1 thru 8. most of them tend towards middle class, if not full-blown! how about U?

that is a good way to get others to help you, and not make you look like such a selfish, annoying narcissist: if you start rambling about your boring self too much, then just finish it off with asking, “HOW ABOUT YOU?” and then have them ramble about THEIR boring self.

Think I will call her Girl8 just to devalue/deflate the Value of Girls by semi-artificially inflating the Girl Supply.  You should try doing that if you had a bunch of Girls you’re hung up on. by the time you get to Girl20 or so, none of them will MATTER any more. It will bring the early girls down off their pedestal, if you lower the criteria for being a Numbered Girl. Bringing down the Average. Taking the P off the Pedestal. Win Win. Do It. How About You?

apr 1

oooh be careful today, won’t get fooled again! fool me twice, shame on me! How About You?

not super in love with the new poker book. I still like using my “Top Thirty Hands” Reference sheet.  Though Top Twenty might be better. It’s an ongoing process of developing your style and find something that works.

but yeah How To Bet is real tricky. And my big pitfall is that I don’t spend time studying my opponents, bc I’m always doing something else. I sense this is a BIG MISTAKE and could make the diff between me winning and losing.

OK here’s a good one: if you get below half the maximum buyin, like 5 chips on a 10 chip max, then BUY BACK IN TO THE MAX if allowed. Because in order to break even now, you HAVE to go all in, and if you’re at like 4 dollars, even all in won’t do it for you. this sounds like a no brainer but I always forget to do it.

in other words its easier to win money PERIOD when you have a larger stack….especially something GREATER than the max buyin after getting a few early wins. then you are in the catbird seat!

but yeah it’s not a perfect game, I am seeing it naturally rewards aggression and bold risk taking which I am not comfortable with. I would prefer a little at a time, but it may be there’s no good way of doing this, due to the very nature of the game. either accept that or stop playing.

it is possible that straight up indeed.com is the best Repository of Job Numbers Data, and NOT BLS dot FEDGOV. Although indeed is not 100% accurate because what of all the jobs that are  NOT posted there.

OH YEAH WON HUGE 13 chip pot, putting me 6 chips ahead of max buyin. NICE.

So, I would now say, buy back in AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. Some games limit you to like once per hour. so just do it! and hopefully you can eventually get Above Maximum (by winning) and never need to buy in again! MOmentum!

sh1t, buy back in to max after every single time you lose ANY chips!

QJ unsuited is NOT in the Top Thirty hands, but KJ unsuited IS (#29).

When you are in a job interview, just think, WHAT WOULD A NORMALFAG SAY? And then answer the questions like a NORMALFAG. That’s IT.

Job Interviews are the most normalfag situation that ever exists. that is why it can seem so weird and alien to us weird virgin autist losers, who think outside of the box, hehehehe. yes thats a joke. bad jobs want you to say think outside of the box, good jobs want you to invent a new paradigm of box, etc, I could care less, prestigious name jobs are not our goal, however good paying ones are. so we can AFFORD to reproduce and have three children to carry on our families.

Just so you know. once I start muh job again I will literally have no time to do posts whatsoever. maybe one post a month. so enjoy this large number of posts because it won’t last forever.


tues dec 3, 852 am

hello world.

tried going to bed again superearly, around 6:30pm , yet continued to stay awake till at least 9pm. fusterating. ideally would be asleep by 7, get muh albert einstein 10 hours o sleep. BUT it takes at least 2 days to get used to the sleep sched. of course on wed I will prob stay up WAY LATER than 6, might even stay up till midnite, to do Homework.

should start making t-shirts that say



















(stem is hard and business is easy, so just major in business)

when you are passive in college

make bad decisions in college

don’t talk to your advisor once a month every month

when you smoke w33d more than once a month

have a bad negative attitude

dont go to the counseling service included with tuition!!!!!

don’t see a shrink once every week if you’re doing bad

don’t see a shrink once a month when you’re doing GOOD

don’t do enough extracurriculars

don’t do enough resume builders when you are 18-21

think your future will just work out because you have any ol degree

don’t have a specific, detailed plan for Success from age 18 on

are unsure and just blindly coasting along

etc etc etc

drop the ball, go through the motions

quit school and come back when you have a plan from a STEM degree, not just finish a crap humanities degree

when you do a humanites OR social sciences degree OR “arts” degree, same thing

don’t take charge

are passive

are beta

are naive

worry too much about grills and not your Career

don’t go talk to that cute grill in yer dorm right now

wear a trench coat

are socially awkward

don’t get a good internship in Summer 1

don’t bang at least 3 gurls freshman year

have a bad freshman year and don’t do anything to turn that around

think what you do at age 18 will not have consequences when you’re 30 and 40 and 50 and 60 and 70 and 80

think things will magically end up ok and you will effortlessly get a boring office job

think you will have an ok job by age 30

think you will have sown your wild oats by age 30

think you will have found a nice gurlfran by age 30


(great TITLES in there)


Could make more than $9 an hour making those t-shirts eh buddy?

well after the first 2 years of No Profit, of $0 an hour.

Also I LUV my idea of A S club for guys who hate S Clubs, perhaps tailored to Lovelorn Betas who want The Gurlfran Experience. It wouldn’t look anything like an S club, the gurls wouldn’t look anything like S’ers.

It might look like a Teenage Boy’s Room or a College Student’s Room, yeah…

The girls would be young and cute and not slutty-looking, would wear jeans and “cute” clothes, would not wear make up

you’d pay them to sit on the couch and be NICE to you and cuddle with you, hand holding, ease you out of your spaghetti pockets anxiety

eventually they would do their version of “the lap dance” with their jeans or yoga pants, and eventually those would come off until the gurl was totes naked

there would be no alcohol served so they could do that

Obviously that whole session would be a little longer and more expensive than a typical lap dance, maybe 2X.

yeah, making out would go along well with that “gurlfran experience”, but I just don’t think that would fly in any semi-public atmosphere, where the gurl does this with 20 guys per shift.

there would be no poles or sleazy atmosphere. no main stage, no public dancing, the girls would just mingle throughout the “club” and be nice to you, that would be their sales pitch, just being nice. I would train them of course on how to deal with the socially anxious clientele: make the betas feel comfortable, tell them they don’t have to make small talk if they don’t want to, and then be nice to them.

It would be kinda a different business model than a traditional strip club, where a huge thing I hate is, they are disgusting cash sucking vampires. they send girls round to solicit dances, which you’re expected to get, but you’re also expected to be CONSTANTLY buying SUPER OVERPRICED DRINKS, and/or going up to the stage and throwing out dollar bills. Basically if you’re not spending at least $50 an hour, they will try to kick you out. you say no not right now to enough gurls and you will get The Stinkeye.

Wouldn’t have any of that in My Place!

MAYBE..HO HO HO…..you charge the guys $50 UP FRONT, and that buys them an hour of credits or whatever. Well that would be tricky, because the S Club minded person says, that’s a ripoff, I demand at least $200 an hour per customer!

Heh. there should be studies done, market research, to try to find out exactly how much the average s club customer spends. I BET it would be less than $50 an hour

But it would be such a radical departure from S Clubs, that you could NOT go into it with the S Club Owner Mentality. Again these are more Cuddle and GFE “clubs”, and not really “clubs.” Parlors? Restaurants? Specifically targeted to Feminized, Wimpy, Unmasculine Beta & Omega Male Virgins. Although the Cuddling WILL result in nakedness.

OR, at the very least, Underwears. OOOOOOOO. You could get the girls to expect less cash if they don’t take all their clothes off, right???? espec if they’re not tecnically “topless”?

I can’t beleive I’m just GIVING these ideas away!!!!

Now, College Gurls are already Sugar Babying themselves out to Rich Older Men, but I would also push for College Gurls to start their own side business of GFE “dates” for Omega Boys at their own college. Probably Well-To-Do Boys. But here, you’d basically pay the gurl $50-$200 an hour to hang out with you and be nice to you and look cute for you and hold and cuddle you and make-out.

But this might not be economically viable unless at the most privileged universities, where dorky males HAVE $200 an hour to spend on girls to hang out with them. Otherwise they gurls will just continue Sugar Babying for the Rich Old Men who DO have the money.

Or you could just pay A 30 year old Hooker to dress up like an 18 year old College Gurl, keep her clothes on, and playact GFE, hahahaha. Kinda a stumbling block, because she’ll still have the face and body of a 30 year old hooker.