WAITING IN THE WINGS

nov 6 2016

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit

”   Hi OP, just wanted yo say I think you are right. Of course she has a right to date other people, but you can still have consideration and show tact for a person who you once cared about. Date, sure, but keep it away from your ex. No need to be so public about it. I personally think it’s a dick move. I think that if you break someone’s heart the least you can do is show kindness, and I don’t think that is very kind.    ”

on the reddit where the girl dumped the guy and still lived together, insult to injury, rubbing dudes in his face. this guy says the above very good thing, and is downvoted to hell. how could you downvote something as good as this? because its reddit hahahaha. i cant believe anybody would not give that 600000000 upvotes. oh right. because your responsibility ends the second you say its over, and then you have the RIGHT to be a PIECE OF SHIT and add INSULT TO INJURY.

i advocate a world where we RIGHTFULLY SHUN AND SHAME people who add insult to injury and call them terrible assholes. a world where the whole thread is filled with responses like that. saying what a piece of shit, she should feel HORRIBLE.

ok had the clocks set back last night, meaning it now gets dark at 5 pm, basically signals the start of winter essentially, for the next 6 months. winter is coming hahaha. this is the Tuff Half of the Year.

had dream last night abou “nice girl” from middle school who i never pursued hahahaha but think she would have made an excellent wife. funny, back then i was all about “nice girls”, meaning girls who didnt slut it up for thugs and ghetto gangsters. just a nice 14 year old girl that waits to have secs hahahaha. and is also nice and not a huge bitch either. cuz i had a Crush on a girl who was very attractive, but also a dirty mudshark slut. at age 14 hahahaha. she talked like a negro and liked that negro bigman bullshit. well, i think she preferred white wegros rather than full blown negros, good for her. but i was like damn, this is tragic, a beautiful gurl throwing herself away like this, i wish i could turn her into a Nice Gurl.

anyway this OTHER gurl actually WAS a nice gurl. i never saw her again after 8th grade hahahaha. maybe i had the dream about her, because the beautiful 18 year old gurl i saw in church sort of reminded me of That Type of Nice Gurl. not a slut, kinda classy, had morals and values, prob a good father, tries to be a nice good person, while also being QT as hell and not a fat disgusting animal hahahahaha.

MPC forum should really make their own podcasts. TRS really pioneered this but its a really low bar to entry. low risk, very high reward. shit I should make a podcast.  podcasts are fookin great. just real people having real talk about important stuff, sometimes in a pretty fun or funny way.

its more fun and memorable than reading the forums, its like actually talking to people. and i am 1488% sure these people would be interesting and smart and funny. because they are with their writing. i just prefer listening to people talk, than reading writing. i would do this whole blog as a podcast if i had the balls, or didnt want to be doxxed.

although people with much more to lose than me arent worried about doxing themselves because of their voice. see TRS hahahaha. kyke enoch makes 100 grand a year and would totally be fired if someone found out he was a racist.

heh its also funny how i had my idea of a “NICE GIRL” and basically i still have my idea of that. and this idea of “nice” is completely different of the “nice” women talk about when they talk about “NICE GUYS”.

i really really really try to NOT be that kind of nice guy, so i dont like being accused of being one.

see waiting in the wings, ulterior motives, lying by omission, etc.

well as much as i have been crapping on DsO for their new album being completely mediocre hehehe, i will always be Interested in them, and hey let’s go back to the moment where this wanky masturbation was brand new, the fas album of 2007. when they first REALLY went down this path and it was more groundbreaking. easier to like and say OH YEAH THIS IS AWESOME rather than MEH IVE HEARD THIS BEFORE.

what a difference 9 years makes hahaha.

basically i want to find the point they went from writing riffs to not writing riffs. 2004-2007 hahaha.

ok so DsO has a number of 20 minute songs that were released between albums during this time. i think writing a 20 minute song is a better use than having a 35 minute set of piles of disconnected riffs.

i dunno. i just wish i had sme MJ and could blaze it and enjoy this music hehehe.

or that i could just get a damn job already.

i mean i am trying. not really trying hard enough but i am trying a little hahaha.

 

 

oh god. you simply cannot escape this comic. the worst comic of all time. on the hot frontpage of all reddit. which i usually never look at. bringing the /niceguys subreddit to the front page. why is this even a subreddit. why even waste time complaining about these pathetic lost souls. are they really that BAD?

to these women of reddit, yes they are.

”  Easy question to ask yourself to find out the answer;
If you knew, for sure, that he would be happier if he broke up with you, would you want him to stay with you anyway?
If the answer is “yes”, then you’re a self-centered dickwad. If the answer is “no”, then it’s all good. 🙂   ”

but it led to this quote which was actually helpful to me, because some woman worried that she was a niceguy because she and her bf had been JUST FRIENDS before they became More Than Friends.

so i thought, would I MAKE her be with me if i knew she would be happier with someone else?

No, i would be MATURE enough to say if youre miserable with me, then ok fine this needs to end. but lets end it in a nice way. peacefully detach. have good Communication about it. see a Counselor who helps us Break Up as peacefully as possible. establish ground rules for No Contact, because youre dumping me and my heart is broken. I accept you want to get out of the rel, so you can accept that you are breaking my heart.

oops sorry i think this page just shows the hottest threads from subs i am SUBSCRIBED to, NOT all of reddit.

https://www.reddit.com/r/altright/comments/59794r/i_am_andrew_anglin_worldrenowned_gas_chamber/?st=iuop3wy3&sh=9800833c

 

 

nice hehehe. this is actually a good sub hehehe and i surprised reddit hasnt shut it down yet. im sure its coming tho.

anyway. basically if she were Dating me and she was really unhappy I would be mature enough to say, maybe we just werent meant to be together babe. its just such a stupid thought experiment though. why wouldnt she just dump me like a rock. ok i unhappppppy and im not willing to work on anything, see ya creep, ima have fun on tinder. i just cant envision someone so committed to me that they are afraid to leave me. no one’s ever been the slightest bit afraid to leave me, hahahahaha.

going to listen to damn FAS album today.

i mean really. in some ways the music perfectly captures the confused, chaotic, hateful, scared, incomprehensibility of muh emotional and mental state. DsO is the soundtrack to muh psyche for the past 15 months hahaha.

took some nyquil hehe

totally dark at 6 pm, haha

listened to “fas”, did not sound much different than “synarchy” except fas has about 1 memorable “riff” per song, while synarchy has none hahahahaha. but other than that they are very similar hahaha.

nov 7

took nyquil yesterday, that always leads to a foggy mind at the time. which is kinda good if you arent trying to study for exams/work or solve confusing problems. also keeps you from writing stupid shit. makes the time fly by. probably keeps you from worry about stupid shit.

 

good for you, because it is degenerate sodomy that is a nihilistic, sociopathic view of Human Life. there’s no respect for life there. no wonder these people like CHOPPING UP BABIES.

some women like coffee dates. other women hate them and wont give you another chance if you suggest a coffee date. they dont bother saying i dont like coffee dates, lets go on a drink date instead. nope. just you are forever in the basket of deplorables because you were creepy and weird enough to suggest a coffee date instead of a drinks date. even though you dont care what KIND of date it is, youre just trying to meet women.

i dunno. DONT ASSUME ALL PEOPLE ARE MIND READERS and that they will KNOW you hate coffee dates. its not a reasonable thing to HATE!

 

ok mass grave aesthetics, 2005, might be perfect blend of old and new dso. i wonder if they used a diff drummer on SMRC than they did on FAS. this sounds more like SMRC.

i dunno. who cares hahahaha.

its just stupid that Nice Gurls go on Tinder and Fook guys they dont even know, and this is the Normal Trajectory of a Rel. You meet, are instantly attracted, instantly fook, DO NOT GET FEELINGS, keep it casual, and then if casual fooking is good, you might est a long term rel. you HAVE to go through the degen sodomy phase of casual secs before you get to the ltr.

cant you just get to know someone SLOWLY, WITHOUT FOOKING?????!?!?!?!?!

i just wish women took Human Lives SERIOUSLY. instead they just dont care. human life, secs, abortion, its all a big fooking joke to these jooish nihilists hahahahaha.

OK OK OK EASY THERE. AYO HOL UP. HOL UP. HOL UP HOL UP. HOL UP. HOL. UP. HOL UP.  AYO. HO UP. HOD UP.

hehehehhe. we must always be ready to say AYO. HOL UP to our Runaway Negative Thoughts Freight Train. Barrelling through like a Trump Train with no brakes hahahaha.

WOO HOO THE BIG 500!

just hit 500 jobs applied. 26k county job. ALWAYS get rejected for these, no interview, just straight rej email. do they think i am overqualified? then i wouldnt keep applying to these 26k jobs!

heh. looking up the repub candidate for muh county District Attorney against the incumbent dem. the repub challenger is a total autistic maniac, in a i cant believe this guy graduated from college let alone law school and passed bar and does he even work as an attorney because he seems like an acid tripping maniac. and he’s probably a nice guy but why doesnt he have any kids. because hes THAT much of an autistic weirdo.

i mean the guy seems literally schizophrenic. i guess he is a running joke in area politricks. weird that somebody so clearly insane would be a repub hahahahaha.

he grad from a good univ, went to  i guess ok law school, passed bar, but had basically no legal career, did not Practice a lot of Law whatsoever, and did a weirdo neet lifestyle hahaha. and has the web design skills of a 60 year old man hahahaha. not that i can really make a better website either, and i have taken tons of classes in the topic!

anyway point is i guess he is a man of the people and cant be bought by sleazy companies, like most people in the county hehehe. for solid white people there is far too much corruption. blame the italians hahahahaha. but even the anglos have tons of corruption. been hanging with italians too much.

ok got 6 apps in today, up to 503 hehehe. harharhar. trying to figure out what is a reasonable goal for the end of year.

i really only started in SERIOUSNESS on march 28. so that is 503 apps in 224 days.

15.72 jobs per week. that is NOTHING hehehehe. wow. i have done NOTHING the past 7.47 months hehehehe.

15 jobs a week. NOTHING. heheheh.

well, some weeks i had 50, other weeks i had like 0 hehehe. this is an average over the long term. which is a statistic i generally like measuring.  Averages over the Long Term.

sheeeeeeeeeit. found a full time job at the……large school where i would like to get an ft job, pt job, anything, but ESPECIALLY a ft job. and there was an ft maintenance job! which closes TODAY!!! so i was like AYO HOL UP and applied for it. took 21 minutes, not sure why so long hahaha. because i had applied to 6 jobs before this today hahaha making this muh 7th and a very auspicious one, wish this could have been the 500th instead of the 504th.

but yeah i hate how i MISS the best jobs at this school just because they dont send alerts, and you have to remember to check their website every damn week.

big election day tomorrow. supposedly shillary is up by 4%. i mean really i am not too optimistic for trvmpenfvhrer. this is the last gasp of the horrible huwhyte male. NA NA NA NA, NA NA NA NA, HEY HEY, GOOD BYE!!!!!!!!! DONT LET THE DOOR HIT YA ON THE WAY OUT, WHITE BOY! WALK ON HOME!!!! TOO BAD, SO SAD!!!!

this is how shitlib WHITES feel about The White Race. I know actual real life real shitlib white men that make Tweets and facebook posts talking about how stupid and lame and toxic White People Are. and DAMN WONT IT BE GREAT WHEN WHITE PEOPLE DONT RULE THE WORLD ANY MORE.

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

I dont know how they make 50k+ a year hahahaha.

oh yeah i do. because they have masters degrees and are Value Adding Workers hehehehe.

and they are very confident at all times. on the job, socially, at skool.

nov 8

well i have to exercise muh civic duty hahahaha. in fact i shouldnt be doing this. i would gladly give up my right to vote if we could majorly restrict the vote to whyte male homeowners with children who make at least 50k a year and have a minimum 110 iq hahahaha. i would say go ahead. i more than trust you. im just an emotional looney toon who doesnt deserve the Responsibility of voting……..just like at least 51% of people nowadays hehe.

like i dont know shit about EVERY candidate on muh ballot. state reps, house reps, sheriff, DA, clerk, university regents, district judge, state judges. state board of edu, local board of edu. i read about some of the candidates then forgot who was who. so basically all i can do is vote for Repubs hahahaha. there needs to be an alt right party so i know im not voting for ZOG sellouts and neocucks hahaha hahaha.

duke / trump 2016 hahahaha. hitler trump 1488 hehehehe.

pretty sure trump will lose but it will be a pleasant surprise if he wins. maybe the lying jooish media is just lying about hillarys 4% lead.

i mean it has been kind of encouraging during these discouraging times, to listen to the trump speeches on cspan and think, wow, this is pretty positive, i like what he’s saying, its gonna suck when hillary WINS and we dont get to hear this positive voice every day.

i thought well i just have huge issues with Secs, cuz i see it as a dirty, pornographic, jooish, fetish, sinful, bad sort of thing. which is PARTIALLY true, but i also see it as a wonderful, sacred, holy, loving thing. but when i see Real Women treating it as a Casual Pornographic thing, then i get angry and disgusted. real women doing casual sex, many partners, acting like a porno slut, taking nudes and secs videos, theyre making their OWN pornography!!!!!!

so yeah, is the sex youre having PORNOGRAPHIC or not?

you can have nice, loving, long term rel, monogamous, intimate secs, and this is the good kind i like, or you can have degenerate, sodomitic, jooish, pornographic, casual fun nihilistic hedonistic feelgood muh dick secs. and that is the kind i HATE. and which i HATE to see young women doing. its APPALLING. DISGUSTING.

so the repub candidate for sheriff is extremely against MJ, medical MJ, rec MJ, views it as an extremely dangerous drug that is responsible for Heroin and Meth epidemics. the dem incumbent sheriff is not so hardcore haha. the repub DA candidate thinks MJ should be legal hehe.

heh wonder if i should throw away muh vote on some libertardian candidates i know nothing about, who wont get more than 1% of the vote.

welp i did it , did muh civic duty hahaha. its not a DUTY, its a PRIVILEGE, a RESPONSIBILITY. i shouldnt even be VOTING. in some races i didnt vote for ANYBODY.

i mean SHIT the very first item on the ballot was Straight Ticket, mark here if you just want to vote all repubs.

well then how does that affect your vote for the Judicial Non Partisan section, or school board or all that shit?

so i left some judges blank because they have no declared party affiliation and i didnt know enough about them. i voted for a few libertarians for like university trustee, except when the names didnt sound white, so then i voted for the repub hahahaha.

i mean the main thing that matters is that i voted for THE DONALD and of course i did hahahahaha.

i was in there at 12:30 pm and was the 497th voter of the day in the district. maybe about 15 districts in the city.

as i was in there, i heard some foreigners near me, two women, one helping the other. how is this old foreign woman who cant speak english a registered voter? i understood two words one woman said, trump and hillary. didnt sound arabic. sounded pretty slavic. maybe albanian. yes i know thats not slavic at ALL but the language can be hard to tell. i mean ive gotten pretty good. i dont think it was albanian but it def wasnt polish or russian. if i had to guess, maybe serb or croatian or macedonian. we have a decent amount of macedonians.

THEN there was a guy where they said he wasnt in the book. they called the city clerk. gave the name. CHOUDRY, hehehehehe. city clerk could not find him. could not find him in the state either. now i dont trust the competency of city clerk or state clerk, and i know choudry is a very common name.

they said well we cant find you, he said he had voted somewhere else before, but didnt say where, they said he could fill out an affadavit but that he could be prosecuted if he was not registered. not sure what happened there. this is why you check if youre registered, and where youre registered well in advance!!!!!

also saw a guy dressed like a damn muslim imam, with the beard, hat, and Onesie.

i knew my area was fairly ethnic……but it was not encouraging seeing such RAGING ethnicity among the less than 20 voters there at that time. as i say, middle of the day, i didnt have to wait at all.

i did see a sort of qt 26 year old white gurl in medical scrubs. wonder who SHE voted for hahahaha.

but i thought of, well how do you dispute something like with choudry. theres 6000000 diff ways to spell choudry. its easy to spell wrong. never mind the first name! can they look up where he IS registered? would they ACTUALLY investigate his affidavit and throw out his ballot if he was a fraud? what if he were registered in another district?

theres a number of Structural Clusterfooks here, some of which do seem unfair for the voter, but others which seem to allow ridiculous Fraud. i dont know the Best Practices here…………………………………and neither do the Bureaucrats that have been “managing” voting for 200 years!

so yeah i might not consider myself qualified to really vote……..but i am more qualified than most of the fookin idiots voting!!!!!!! im voting for hillary because i hate trump hahahahahahahaha.  wow. you should not have the privilege of of voting you moron.

i mean i left more than a couple things BLANK because i didnt feel comfortable voting for judges that I knew nothing about.

http://torontolife.com/city/life/tinder-tales-donald-trump-supporter/

heres the thing: ive slept with A LOT of guys hahahahaha what a slut

he was 6’4″, handsome, one of The Top 5 Guys this sluts fooked, but his homophobic xenophobia and bigotry is such a turn off, she can only stomach fooking him when she is looking for a 3 am drunk c0ck n cvm call.

this is what i mean about real life women BECOMING PORNOGRAPHY.

kinda glad i am not on facebook to see all muh real life friends being happy about voting for hillary hahahahaha.

kinda glad i did my part to vote for the GOD EMPEROR hahaha. though watch they find some way to throw out my vote, or to say that i voted for shillary. i promise you i did not. i checked it like 3 times to make sure i didnt ACCIDENTALLY mark the hillary oval.

my pen mark kinda went outside the line for 1 mm. maybe thats enough to throw out the ballot.

i mean it would suck just to hear and see much less of trump saying his positive stuff. whos gonna be our voice once hillary wins hehehe. whats trump gonna do then. i still want to hear him, or people like him.

hmmm maybe i should have just hung out at the poll place longer to watch people. i was in and out at a very not busy time of day.

http://www.dailystormer.com/leftist-whore-trump-supporters/

http://www.dailystormer.com/andrew-anglin-on-alan-colmes-show/

is he joking about having sean hannity on his (anglins!!!) livestream? that would be ridiculous hahaha.

anyway yeah. get super sexy young men and then the women will follow. get a bunch of 20 year old, tall, handsome, white chads and bring them to trump, bring them to the alt right, then omega manlet fascists like me can get their sloppy sevenths hahahahahahaha

heheheh what if david duke wins in louisiana? that would be nice hahahaha.

hmmm taking a look at this discord stuff, some kind of chat and voice and skype like thing. there are “Servers” for TRS, daily stormer, etc. cant quite figure it out. i will lurk until banned haha.

so yeah early results show trump beating hillary……but i would not be surpirsed to see this FLIP dramatically over the next few hours.

welp applied to only 3 jobs today hahahaha.

ARE THERE ANY WOMEN WHO DONT LIKE CASUAL SEX?!?!?!?!

oct 29

went to store. wanted to find cheapest face wash soap. have very oily face and starting to think that washing it with dial hand soap is just too harsh and may cause it to become more irritated, more oily, just beating the shit out of it. so i found “dial acne face wash” with salicylic acid. give it a try. i do not get terrible acne, but would get occasional small pimples just because the skin was so damn oily. now i dont have a problem with that per se, i know oily skin ages fairly well, so i will have decent looking skin when i am an old senior.

dial acne face wash for like 3.50, 7.5 oz bottle. pretty happy about this one folks.

really prob the best thing i could do is just wash/rinse with plain water, no soap on the face ever. period. and i might indeed go down that road when this bottle of face wash is done.

had a dream that I was face with like a 20 year old attractive nonwhite girl with brownish skin. i was like WELP I’m a white supremacist, but this gurl is being very interested in me, i COULD bang her, shes got a good body, she’s not ugly, i kinda DO want to bang her, just not make sprog mutant godforsaken abomination babies with her. yeah i will bang her good. maybe even 10 times. it will be fun.

now none of the banging happened in the dream of course hahahaha.

damn. your THIRTY FIVE year old wife with two kids wants to open your marriage now. where do these women get off? maybe a 25 year old woman, i wouldnt be so surprised. but youd think by 35, with 2 kids, she would be mature enough, and more aware of her market value, that she would stop with this hypergamous, have your cake and eat it too bullshit. do you really think youre gonna find a better man at age 35? and youre killing your poor husband cuck!

also this kind of open marriage is insulting to actual polyamorists, which i cant believe i am acknowledging!

this is simply a REAL shitty way of making an EXCUSE for, well hubby, i’m bored with you and i want to cheat and I just met a hot exciting sexy new guy i want to cheat with, so lets try an OPEN REL.  BULLSHIT.

how can she NOT SEE that he isnt gonna agree to this? how is it SO HARD for her to see that MOST people WOULD be VERY UPSET by this? youre 35 years old with a successful career and an 8 year old child!!

AND they are both seeing separate counselors, AND a marriage counselor together!!!!!!

and she still cant see that you just dont CONVINCE  (coerce) your husband into an open rel when he doesnt like the idea………..and 99.9% of men wont!!!!!!!!

i mean SHIT. even the polyamorous GUY the cheating whore was dating talked to the husband, could see how much it was hurting the husband, and broke up with the cheating whore hahahahahahahha.

thing is, there are plenty of women who have tons of casual sex and FWB’s……but they still have that moral line about CHEATING, and have never technically CHEATED.  so i am beign unfair to them with my implication that all casual sex nihilists are also cheaters!

well it IS a slippery slope, isnt it???!?!?!?!?!

sheeeeeeeit.

anyway. its very possible i dont care about a womans past, or a womans many beta harem male friends, when the gurl is OBVIOUSLY INTERESTED in spending time with me. its when they start shutting down and distancing themselves from me, and i get heartbroken and want them back but cant have them back, thats when i start complaining about all the guys shes fooked, or all her male friends that shes gonna fook, who are more sexy and exciting and fun than widdle old me.

but if the woman were ACTUALLY WITH ME for more than 3 weeks, yeah, i think i could put things in perspective and be like, welp, she’s clearly choosing to be with me. rather than making me JUMP THRU HOOPS just to buy her dinner once every two months, or MAYBE ill text you if my other plans dont work out.  when they CLEARLY make me a PRIORITY and not an OPTION. when they clearly make me an OPTION thats when i start bitching about their many other options. and especially their Priorities, who i’m butthurt they chose over me!

so yeah i honestly think i have a decent change of not being all insecure and jealous, ONCE a woman actually CHOOSES me as a priority for longer than a month!

i only get jealous AFTER I get rejected in other words. jealous that she rejects me in favor of them. thats less jealousy and just being plain BUTTHURT or sore loser. and its completely understandable! its HARD to be rejected! especially when you KNOW she is out having fun and lavishing that same shit that you enjoyed SO MUCH for 3 weeks, to some other lucky and/or BETTER guy!!!!!!!!!!

and then i think, COME ON, I’m not THAT shitty…………………………………..

……………………………or AM I????????

and then muh confidence is crushed for years hahahaha.

 

come on. shes 31. she should know how to be nicer to a guy when she dumps him. also its pathetic that he is so hung up over a 31 year old past her prime! this B’s longest rel is only 6 months, and she used to get on a plane to fook a guy before she met this beta guy. thats a good show of effort, when the girl is willing to put forth THAT much WORK, to FLY to see you, regularly.

thing is, they CAN show effort. they CAN be nice. you’ve seen them do it before, you’ve experienced them being nice to YOU before! so why cant they even be 1% as nice when they decide to dump you? be like this just isnt working out, its not you its me, youre not a bad guy, youre a great guy, this is my fault, you can blame me, im sorry, im the bad guy here, but yeah its over because youre not a priority for me and im choosing other guys over you, but its just because i dont want to put in the effort, youre not my type, im sorry to string you along and lead you on and give you false hope, you deserve a loyal and loving woman, and thats not me, im sorry, have a good life, heres at least 100 dollars worth of MJ to help you get through this, and here’s a shrink you can email who will act as my surrogate/representative. the end. hahahahahaha.

that might be a good idea too. hire a shrink to open a new email address and then monitor it and relay messages to the woman, and or shut down any “creepiness” with Firm And Direct statements. the shrink could do the email for 15 minutes a week, 4 weeks, for like 50 dollars.

shirnks or social workers have the communication skills that normal people DONT. so you should pay PROFESSIONALS to handle Breakups, in other words!

why do so many normies do things that you really need PROFESSIONALS to do?

why do you need to go to GRADUATE SCHOOL and become a PROFESSIONAL just to have a Human Relationship???????

i smell jooish stench here hahahahaha.

i dont REALLY think you DO need to go to grad school to have a rel, in other words.

well i mean MEN, because women never have to do any work in rels………..and thats FAIR. dont get mad about that.

i have EIGHTEEN full time years of education. shouldnt that be enough to get me 26k a year?

NO!!!!! you arent ENTITLED to anything!!!! you have WORK to IMPROVE yourself!!!!

well thats what I’m SAYING! i DID do a known quantity of work to improve myself: 18 years of education. isnt that GOOD ENOUGH to warrant, to ENTITLE me, to a 26k job?

NO!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

you hear stories of people who do millions of first dates but no second dates because the women are so terrible and unattractive. then i think, wow, now THAT WOMAN is one of those forgettable first dates for a number of men. yet i havent forgotten about her!!!!

what was so special about her?

well she was super nice to me and wanted to hang out with me and thought i was cool! that was a big confidence boost, AND she was a real nice person and I thought, hey, I LIKE hanging out with such a nice person! see, women arent all MONSTERS!!!!!!! what a good, nice person! this is exactly the type of person i want in my life! i should hang out with her more!

hehehehehe.

hehehehe id like to meet that dad. yoga pants ARE vulgar and they DO make women look like whores and it IS disappointing!

well him looking at porn is degen of course. but SHE, who doesnt have a problem with porn, has a problem with HIM watching porn because it means hes a hypocrite.

no, it just means he likes jerking off to dirty whores! he just doesnt want his daughter to dress like a dirty whore!

meanwhile she is a successful 25 year old career woman, completely financially independent, oooooo what a SUCCESSFUL, strong independent woman who dont need no man, no husband, no father!

he hates promiscuity yet BENEFITS from it by watching porn!

is he REALLY benefitting?

and is it REALLY promiscuous?

are you saying its BAD to be promiscuous?

are you saying PORN is BAD?

the moron doesnt even know what she’s saying.

”  “Women who wear yoga pants look like sluts.” is not a logical position, it’s an emotional one, and emotions are difficult to change.  ”

OF COURSE ITS A LOGICAL POSITION!!!!!!! YOU CAN SEE THEIR DAMN ASS AND GENITALS AS IF THEY ARE COMPLETELY NAKED AND SHOWING IT OFF TO THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!

and yeah that does make people emotional…….for a logical reason. the root cause is logical.

o come on. you think ALL those religious pray the gay away homophobes are all jerking off to “lesbian porn?”

NOT EVERYBODY FOOKING WATCHES PORN, YOU FOOKING VULGAR DEGEN NIHILISTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not all women haters, not all homophobes, not all religious sex-haters,  not all PEOPLE watch PORN!!!!!

stop ASSUMING everybody watches porn!! THEY DONT !!!!!!!

what kind of degen world do these people live in, where everybody watches porn and that behavior is normal???

these reddit women like to point out they will be SEXUALIZED no matter what kind of clothes they were, that they will be Catcalled if they wear a burka or yoga pants.

i cant help but think this is bullshit. yeah some perverted men will catcall and harass women in burkas, but wearing yoga pants is just gonna get you a LOT MORE attention, plus it shows that you ENJOY that attention. that you are actively ENCOURAGING that attention, not DISCOURAGING that attention, which is what dressing modestly does.

but yeah when you show basically your naked body to strangers, dont be suprised when people approach you like you want to get fooked. dont advertise your damn practically naked body. and get mad when men treat and look at you sexually. idiot.

heh. thats one reason i liked that woman. she NEVER wore yoga pants or anything slutty.

THAT I KNOW OF. what if she dressed like a TOTAL slut when she was out doing her thing.

it doesnt matter!!!!!

ARE THERE ANY WOMEN WHO DONT LIKE CASUAL SEX??????

oct 30

i am very happy with the new dial acne control face wash for managing muh oily face, without drying it out and abusing it.

heh. i just ASSUME the sweet jobs i interviewed for early in the week will not call me back. nope. i still need to pay more dues, do more interviews, 27 is not enough, im not good enough even for a PART TIME job. i would totally take the part time job because its a way to just get used to working and gradually build your confidence. where throwing you to the wolves for 50 hours a week will destroy your confidence and that terrifies me. in make or break situations, i tend to get broken hahahahaha.  in sink or swim, i tend to sink hahahaha.  so why do all working situations need to be sink or swim? because thats what WORK IS. kinda like joining the MARINES hahahahaha.

then how do SO MANY people DO it? who would probably flunk out of the MARINES?

cuz they dont mind lying and bullshitting and giving shitty service to angry customers and saying not my problem, cant help you, you dont have to like it, goodbye.

heh. when i havent found a “good” person, i always worry that i would have “grass is greener” syndrome, and women have certainly seemed to have it with ME, have no problem dumping me for for exciting men. but when i find someone “good,” i am fully committed. all in. and then i get quickly dumped for greener grass hahahahaha and heartborken for 2 years.

they alway mention loveisrespect.org hahahaha. if men acted like that, they would get dumped for being boring doormat pussy omega sissy unmasculine cucks. you have to DOMINATE at least a little bit.

but in my sensitive sissy heart, i LIKE that loveisrespect stuff. i want a women to accept me for my sissy self.

”  YOUR RESULT:
Your Love Language:
👐 Physical Touch
Hugs and kisses are so much better than any present, right? You are hopelessly romantic and could never date or marry someone who doesn’t like to snuggle on the couch or in bed each night. You enjoy holding hands anywhere and everywhere and think there is nothing sweeter than seeing an elderly couple doing the same. You understand that life is short and the best things in life are free!   ”

this is the result of my Love Languages test.

was not expecting this, i expected something more with talking or writing.

well, i do like cuddling, spanning time, hanging out, but i hate sex hahahahaha.

so yeah . take this physical language shit to mean that i take cuddling very seriously. and i do. but i dont need to fook 10 times a week, or right away.

YOU NEED THERAPY hahahahaha

hehhehe a 30 year old guy who keeps getting dumped by a 40 year old woman with kids. WOW thats gotta be rough. you cant even keep a 40 year old woman with kids from dumping you.

never mind a 25 year old woman with no kids and low number!!!!!!!

maybe she can use all the money she makes to buy herself a good man hahahahahahahahahahaha

because a 7/10 25 yo white woman with no kids needs to BUY a man with money hahahahahaha.

so a guy gets drunk and smacks a girl dressed like a slut at a halloween partys ass, and all the harpies on reddit say ITS SEXUAL ASSAULT!!!! RAPEY!!!!!! and i am downvoting them all hahahahaha.

like your BF never got drunk and smacked a girls ass before!

i never did, but i dont see how its the end of the world.

these reddit women, think EVERYTHING is SEXUAL ASSAULT.

oh good luck if you want to be going out with DONALD TRUMP. does he grab women by the pvssy too? donald trump SEXUALLY ASSAULTS WOMEN!!!!!!!

real life women actually believe this!

well real life women will believe anything the Controlled Media tells them……..or a strong dominant man tells them!

you just say, boys will be boys, baby, and then smack her ass and plow her hard hahahahahaha.

anyway. sheeeeeeeit.

how to stay cool under pressure. blacks do it. aint no thang but a chikun wang. ok great. how about some WHITES who are cool under pressure. like AUSTRALIANS. they just say she’ll be all right mate, and continue to bantz each other and call each other cvnts and drink vb’s. nothing BOTHERS or FLUSTERS them.

yep i totally understand those feels even though i have not been in that same situation really, but i have seen women choose other guys after dumping me and i would get mad and jealous cuz i really wanted to spend some more time with them and i felt they ended my “turn” WAYYYYY too soon.

again my horrendous sense of entitlement! im not ENTITLED to be with a woman longer than…..5 dates? 8 dates? however many “dates” we had. i think is a more accurate way of expressing it than 3 weeks or 2 month or whatever. cuz its not like we were hanging out more than once a week, once every 2 weeks. always an uphill battle trying to get them to make time for me.

they were never THAT interested in me! it was VERY casual! i mean really, That Woman, even though were never had Casual (or uncasual) secs, she was WAY more Interested in me, because she was willing to talk to me and hang out with me over a period of several years! when the other women were DONE with me in a matter of 2 months at most!

anyway when i went to the social thing, there were attractive 25 year old women there in the audience. i should have Chit Chatted with them. but thats hard to do when you are an unemployed 35 year old who makes less than 26k a year! 25 year old women make 40k a year!

see this is the type of stuff i shouldnt be writing about, its pointless, its Counter Productive hahahaha. its destructive and negative. writing like this got me into the mess im in now!

but yeah. in other words, i think i COULD be not super insecure about “muh gf” having tons of male friends, having 10+ previous secs partners, AS LONG AS she put in a good faith effort to SHOW me that I was the priority and not them. I never had that before.

oh, i put in a good faith effort, but we were hanging out and drinking, and one thing led to another, and i fell onto his dick, please forgive me hahahahaha.

heh. i probably would, because my expectations are so low: oh i cheated on you, no i dont want your forgiveness, in fact, im just gonna leave you for him right now. insult to injury. cheated and dumped. no remorse.

just because you dump your bf immediately after cheating on him doesnt mean your cheating wasnt cheating!

im not even talking to anyone in particular, im talking to a fictional hypothetical woman doing a hypothetical shitty thing!

shit spirals hahahaahaha.

ok well heres something good. i could easily look up that womans name in google, and see what comes up, or i could look at the front page of her facebook and instagram page, seeing a current photo of her in other words, possibly with new foccbois, possible black hahahaha. i could be looking for her on okcupid (well, i did look at her once long ago on OKC, but never since) or plenty of fish or whatever. but i havent done ANY of this. at the very least, google her name, or look at her FB profile picture. but no. i have not done any of that! give me a reward! hahahahaha.

in SOME states you can get medical MJ card for anxiety. maybe even depression. actually no.

https://www.leafly.com/news/health/qualifying-conditions-for-medical-marijuana-by-state

cant tell.

anyway. GIVE ME A CHANCE. give me a chance to show that i wont get too jealous or controlling about your male friends. show me that you like me MORE than all your male friends and wont give up on me after a few weeks! and maybe i wouldnt be so goddam suspicious about womens male friends! sheeeeeeeeeeit.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/kovie-biakolo/2014/09/this-is-what-is-really-wrong-with-casual-sex/

 

http://www.debate.org/opinions/is-casual-sex-wrong

heh

https://www.thetrumpet.com/article/7750.24.131.0/society/the-emotional-corrosion-of-casual-sex?preview

religious source though but still very valid article hehehehe

i just want a woman who takes sex SERIOUSLY and who does NOT like casual sex! is that so much to ask? women SHOULD take sex seriously, they can get fooking pregnant! but many of them have a CASUAL attitude towards ABORTION as well!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!!!!!

and then these DISGUSTING ANIMALS go on to have successful careers, and then they have longterm rels, get married, have children, all the things i want to do!!!!!!!!1

i shouldnt have to google “why is casual sex wrong” to find the PERFECT argument so i can CONVINCE a woman not to have casual sex!!!!!!

and then everything near the top is like cosmo and jezebel and thebustle and womens magazines talking about how fun casual sex is and how all women should experiment with a casual sex phase in their 20s. have fun! sow your wild oats!

YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW.

and when you sow degenerate wild oats…….uhhh you get degenerate wild oats years later. its NOT A GOOD THING.

maybe i would be different f i had a casual sex wild oats period and had fooked 10 women, but i havent, and so it is what it is! you dont have to LIKE it!

 

so jealous of this guy who has massive emo and abandonment issues and will never get a woman…………………………………….. BUT AT LEAST HE MAKES GREAT MONEY and he doesnt seem in danger of losing or quitting his job.

well…..actually he IS very anxious about his job, has big anxiety in general. probably GAD hahahaha.

oct 31

i just hate being put in positions where i have to CONVINCE and EXPLAIN things that are VERY confusing and that I dont understand, to frustrated people. yes, I SWEAR I cannot fix this, your manager has to fix this. so he said to call us? well he’s wrong, we can’t fix this, he has to fix this. he’s not doing his job. so you called us and we fixed it 3 months ago? hmm. do you have the case number hahahahaha. oh you dont then we cant help you. we have no record of that. no im not calling you a liar. im just saying we have no record of your call. no you cant speak to my manager. he’ll tell you the same thing. that your manager is wrong and that if your manager has any questions, he should speak to HIS manager. oh his manager said that WE have to fix this? well they’re BOTH wrong. have your managers manager speak to HIS manager. no they cant speak to my manager. NOBODY can speak to my manager! where are these policies written down? they’re NOT, because they change every day. we have no record of any policies. the policies are always changing and as of right now, the policy is that we dont fix it. no we dont have that in writing. it is what it is. you dont have to like it. you dont like it? find a new job. your customers dont like it? we dont want their money, they can find a new provider. oh thats a known issue. it will be fixed in a future software update. no timeline. hopefully soon, but cant make any promises or speculation. so your customers waiting? then ask your manager to approve a discount, or they can go somewhere else.

this kind of bullshit just both frustrates me and makes me panic. i mean what do you SAY in these difficult situations? similarly i dont want to do something where I regularly have to give really bad news. like no we are not covering this prescription for your cancer ridden mother, why, well because my manager said so, no you cant speak to them, they are unavailable. good luck watching your mother die! is there anything else i can HELP YOU WITH today?

that kind of bullshit. where i want to be straight with people but i dont have the info and i dont have the help. at those points i will gladly throw my superiors under the bus to show sympathy for the customer/caller.

also you cant say that you stayed and worked off the clock to be more efficient with your time, because no manager is going to Officially Approve of you working off the clock. because what if you hurt yourself at the workplace, but off the clock?

well then maybe they would have a legal case saying YOU SHOULDNT HAVE BEEN THERE, so they are not gonna pay for your treatment.

but yeah, you shouldnt admit to staying off the clock to finish your work. i guess this doesnt apply to exempt salary jobs, when you are technically on the clock all your life. we dont punch a clock here.

anyway youre just telling the manager that you dont work quickly and efficiently enough, that you need extra time (ie extra money) and that you arent as good as employees that get all their work done in the time allotted. youre SLOW.

i mean still stay after you punch out and do work for free so you can suck up and try to look good, but you just cant brag about it as a way to help you get the job.

i mean i already candy coat shit and try to sell myself as some confident miracle worker who is really good at explaining confusing shit to angry customers.

you can say that when you go home you study work related material in your free time so you can do your job more efficiently. that’s less sketchy than staying around after punchout to “do extra work for free”. so i do say that i do a lot of studying on my free time.

well how do i explain that i didnt want to go to GRAD SCHOOL. you just dont simply dont want to go to grad school. should i say i applied and was rejected? then you look like a loser failure. you got rejected from grad school, why shouldnt you get rejected from jobs?

and i didnt even get rejected from grad school, i simply didnt apply, because i didnt really want to go! and also i felt that i WOULD get rejected because i didnt have enough good references or undergrad research/honors/thesis/internship experience!

ok applied to 3 jobs. no chance. 1 fedgov job (32k), 2 state jobs (34k, 39k). i mean i wish i could just bring up a list of 32k jobs, shit 26k jobs, and just apply for those. but less than half of jobs tell you what the pay is, unless its a govt job like these.

ok 4th job. local auto dealer. accounting clerk. sheeeeeeeeit.

i get more angry and hateful when i am more productive hahaha. i just hate everyone and everything. all these normie morons who can get and keep jobs but i cant. what the fook do they WANT from me? so yeah even though its good to be productive to do job apps……is it really good if i am kinda half assing them, tyring to go as fast as possible, in 14 minutes per, plug and play the right “variables”, etc, go through the motions, feel some anger, these phaggots, these sluts, these normies, i just want to make 26k a year and smoke MJ every day hahahahaha, maybe fook some 25 year old sluts, and evangelize to them to luv their race and never mudshark again.

cluster c personality disorders. including avoidant personality disorder which i probably have. heh. i remember when i was 20 i was like OH GOD i hope i dont have a personality disorder, that would REALLY suck.

yeah well i prob only had garden variety anxiety back then………NOW i have a full blown personality disorder hahahaha. all because i was too cowardly to go see a shrink at age 20.

yeah well i started seeing a shrink at age 26, maybe 25………thats not too bad eh?????

its really not, hahahaha. good for me!!! hahahaha.

the idito bitches in reddit think that MUH EDUCATIONNNNNNN is the answer to everything. as if two short years and 200 measly dollars in tuition will suddenly skyroket you from 13 an hour to 15 an hour HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

some good covers on here! but would like to hear more “covers” of stuff from his latest two ambient albums, which i think he could have spent a LITTLE more time and effort on hahahahaha to make them SOUND BETTER.

 

heheh the flipside of what happened to me. he is confused and a little upset sure but he doesnt GHOST her. he is confused and doesnt know what to do, but he doesnt want to block her from his life without any explanation.

great response:

”   ]acox1701 7 points 4 hours ago
It would probably help if you have another conversation with her- after you sort through your feelings and what you want.
A million times this.
Not responding to her at once is not a dick move, unless OP literally said nothing. It’s bound to be upsetting, but one cannot reasonably be expected to react to such a thing on zero notice.
OP, figure out your shit, and sit her down. Negotiate things. Ask her if it’s hurting her to be around you, and then trust her answer. Tell her that if she changes her mind, to let you know.
Negotiate your friendship like an international arms treaty. That sounds odd, but a lot of relationships, romantic or otherwise are based on a vast number of underlying assumptions, and this relationship has just had all of those swept away. You and she need to reestablish them, together, so that you can continue.
Important topics to bring up:
Does she expect you to return her affection? Does she want you to?
Do you want to return her affection? Would you be willing to explore it, or are you unwilling to take the risks that would entail for your current social scene?
Do you need to spend a few months separate from each other? Could you quietly communicate before events so one or the other stays home from some or all things? Can you both be respectful of the other’s occasional need to stay home, or request the other stay home? Can you both be cool about it?
You are going to want to avoid teasing, touching, or flirting with her. Make sure she knows this, and is aware that you’re trying to not cause her any inner turmoil, or false hope, or similar. She may insist that she’s OK with it. (I’d rather be teased by my crush, with no hope of it going anywhere, than to be ignored, but I’m a sad, pathetic little man)
All things on the table. Talk it out, then you can both get on with your lives.   ”

heheheh. saving that in case i ever get feelings for a friend again, so i can print that out, give it to them, and say, lets talk about THESE THINGS.

i would give the guy REDDIT GOLD if reddit was worth supporting hahahaha.

ok finally applied to 5th job, that is enough for today hahaha.

it was tricky, since problems with router again hehehe. or wireless card. have to restart computer just to get the wireless connection back. i dont know if the problem is in the wireless card or in the router. cant be determined. cant be fixed. sorry. is there anything else i can help you with today?

i dont know what to tell you, and no you cant speak to a more experienced person. no, you cant speak to the person i am getting advice from. hes not even in my office. he is scheduled to be in a chat room for the next 4 hours. also he’s never wrong, his judgement is INFALLIBLE.

yeah i admit his job is not fun either. having to stay in this chat room and give advice to the squealing piggies, the level 1s. but its better than being the level 1’s on the phone with the customers who dont know what theyre doing!

i dont know what to tell you. other than i can do nothing, i cant transfer you to someone better, and hopefully this problem goes away on its own.

heh. i never thought that going on DISABILITY would ever be a realistic thing hahahahaha.

i dont want to be disabled! i just want to work like a normie and not SNAP!!!!!!

applied for 6th job, that was a little excruciating hehehe. but it only t0ok 23 minutes with an average of 14 hehehe.

i mean its hard not to be perfectionistic, when you have to be PERFECT to have any success!

or you cant mentally check out at your job becuase your quality will slip because your job takes perfect concentration and intense skill! so you cant not have measurably bad quality when you are having a bad day! because the worse your mood is, the worse your work is, and your supervisors immediately notice that you are not longer performing at the minimum!!!!

how do you GET AWAY with half assing your work, in other words?

 

oh this BEAUTIFUL young man! he is in college and everyone is having casual sex, but he is not interested, he thinks sex is something SPECIAL!!!!!!!!

OH YOURE ADORABLE.

the sad thing is that there ARE wimmin in uni that really DO want a rel, and DONT like casual secs. and i totally fooked it up and didnt TRY hard enough to find them !!!!!!!

applied for unheard of 7th job. at a fairly well known company. choice employer, like top tier shit that i have no chance of getting an interview. so why even apply. waste 13 minutes applying. well maybe 30 minutes and i could have tailored the shit REAL nice. but i didnt.

i mean underachieving losers dont get jobs at GOOD companies, they get jobs at BAD companies, if they get jobs at all.

might go to fatness club today for first time in months.

 

well this is kinda a big deal, the first release from deathspell omega in 4 years. kewl cover tho bro. hopefully its not all wankish spaghetti and jerking off hahahahahah. hasjarl decides he’s tired of making 200k a year with his donald trump real estate business, and probably having rels with solid 8/10’s, to make music like its 2005 again hahahahaha.  i have not listened to this yet, yeah i will give it a proper listen i guess. i mean why not. i like mikko aspa hahahahahaha. synarchy of molten bones, what does that even MEAN. i bet they just have a damn drum machine. there is no mystique hahahahaha. [citation needed hahahaha]

im just jelly that hasjarl can make good money at a normie job. i am jelly of any musician who does that. you get to be successful at work OR music, not BOTH. pick one AND ONLY ONE.

like these stupid musicians that get phds, or they have good jobs. i bet thats the reason dso never tours, is that he’s got a good job but its not so good that he can get weeks off at a time to play shows.

no i really have no idea. i do hope the album isnt a goddamn noisy overtechnical mess hahahahaha. how about some riffs and and melodies and not 600000000000000000 wanky bits slapped together. i thought that stuff was kewl when i was 25 hahahahaha but not anymore. so write riffs like you were 20 years old again, mannnnnn. and let mikko turn you into a nationalist. and let me make mikko into a HUHWHYTE nationalist hahahahaha.

no that really is a pretty good cover art tho.

but satan satan satan oooh orthodox esoteric satanism whoooooooo spoooooopy hahahahaha. who cares. he knows his shtick has gotten old hahahahahaha.

no i dont know why i am such an asshole to him hahahaha. prob just jelly. that he’s a normie nonvirgin nonnevergf AND he makes very influential music and he can get mikko to hang out with him. actually i BET mikko just stays in finland and records his vocals in his own “studio” and sends them to DSO aka “hasjarl.”

I DONT TRUST ANYONE WHOS NOT A NEVERGF. THESE NONNEVERGF NORMIES!!!!!!!!

I HATE NONVIRGINS AND NONNEVERGFS hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

and EVERYONE is either a nonnevergf or especially a nonvirgin!

well technically even I am a nonvirgin hahahaha. so i got that going for me hahaha.

6 jobs in 1 day, havent applied to a job in 10 days hahahaha. although i did have 3 interviews in that time, MOTHER FOOKER hahahaha.

sheeeeeeeeeit found rare ass FT job at big local employer. they have like 3 FT jobs a year, a ridic low number considering the number of employees and customers. used to work an easy job here for years. would LOVE to get another easy PT job just as kinda training wheels for me right now…….but i cant even get a PT job there yet. interviewed for  3 PT jobs there, turned down each time, have 4th pt job interview there this week. getting FT job there would be RIDICULOUS. to think i had a bigass chance at that TWO YEARS AGO. i remember talking about it with that woman. she said ohhh i really hope you get it. i really wanted to get it too!

took half dose of nyquil.

so, 8 jobs today. that is ridic damn good. not my highest ever but close. certainly a relative high, because i am lucky to get 4 done on one day. and havent done ONE in TEN days hehehehe. like a lazy NGR hahahahaha.

but yeah the job was open for like 2 weeks and it closes in 2 days and i was frustrated because this was the first i was seeing it because there is no way to get damn email alerts for these jobs. you either check the companies jobs sites or YOUR SCREWED. these jobs do NOT show up on indeed. ive set up indeed alerts for this company and get NOTHING.

well i bet they do that intentionally, to not get 9000000000000000000000000000000000000 applicants. not like you need the best of the best to do this 33k job. but i see that and i am like THIS IS PERFECT, get instant hardon. get a WAY bigger hardon for a 33k job than a 34k, 35k, or 40k job. closer to 26k, the better of a chance i have!

so yeah i applied for that the instant i saw it.

also cannot find the job on careerbuilder OR monster. ONLY the goddam company website itself.

heh. this is EXACTLY the type of job they would promise to some pt slob on the inside, but they HAVE To post it because rules. well….i shouldnt say pt slob, becuase the the pt slob deserves this job.

but i am a little butthurt that i worked there pt for FIVE YEARS and couldnt get an FT job there. just because i was an idiot who didnt PUSH hard enough.

and then when i PUSHED with that woman, i totally blew that.

i just dont know when to push and when not to push!

well shit. if i got another pt job there, i would PUSH alot harder! but getting a pt job there is not easy either!

weird thing is, i would get emails about jobs when i was a pt there………..but i dont remember many ft jobs that werent on the website. which was like 2 a year hahahaha.

so i shoulda PUSHED the HR department, and been like, put me on The List. Get me in The Pool. talk to my manager if you need approval.

they dont want to have alerts for their jobs, because that means more resumes to read!!!!!!!

and you are gonna find a good enough candidate whether you read 100 resumes or 1000. so that the Marginal value of reading one more resume drastically drops off after like # 100. what is that number? might even be #70 hahaha.

i tell you its NOT 1000!!!!!!!!

closer to 100 than it is to 1000!!!!!!

i mean this org does not have a ton of employees from muh university…..because the assholes from muh university go to much more presitigous places and wouldnt be caught dead working here!!!!

DONT SEPARATE THINGS THAT SHOULDNT BE SEPARATED

oct 26

ok  done with interview for PT 15 an hour job. 1500 hours a year max. 24 to 32 hours depending on the department. 3 openings, 3 diff departments. one is def more customer oriented. hope they dont pick me for THAT one because i said i was good at dealing with difficult customers. yeeeesh.  yikes. oy vey. so just do a shitty job, quit, and never work for this org again hahahaha when it is DEF one of my Top Orgs To Work For. great benefits, close to home, unfireable, stable secure job, union.

talked to 3 people, including a handsome young man who i learned is about 3 or 4 years younger than me and he has a Controller position, because he Chose A Good Life with Hard Work, and has a BS in Accounting, an MBA with focus on Taxation, a CPA, so hence he’ll always have a GREAT job. why didnt I just Be Like Him. I joked that I did poorly on the accounting portion of the test, but that I was just rusty and I can brush up on my Accounting Fundamentals.

3 people in the room grilling me hahahahaha. no they were all nice enough. I got emails from all. i have def gotten better at that. just getting emails from EVERYONE in the room.

i need a full 20 ounce mug of strong coffee JUST TO GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING to be somewhere at 8:30 am hahahahaha.

meaning i pour the mug the night before, leave it on my table next to the bed, set alarm 15 to 20 minutes before i want to get up, then drink the coffee while laying in bed and watching weather and news, then pull self out of bed.

i would NOT want to still have to MAKE the coffee. I just want to REACH out of bed and GRAB a full mug of awesome room temperature coffee thats been sitting out all night. this truly does make it a lot easier to get up. i have been doing this for years. i dont regret it one bit. i RECOMMEND it to ANYBODY.

interview was at 9 am, i got there at like 8:15, i like getting their SUPER early and prepping in the car.

actual interview was less than 30 minutes. they didnt rush me PER SE, but i got the impression there were other people waiting. plus its a part time job hahahaha. i said As You Can Imagine, my ultimate goal is a FT job with this org, would this PT person have access to The Secret Internal FT Postings? yes yes they would.

anyway thats it for this week. did not get great sleep last night. i mean i can TOTALLY get used to getting up EARLY in the morning……but it HAS to be REGULAR. i need a ROUTINE. after a few days or a week of that, i will get used to going to bed earlier and getting up at 6am, 5am. shit i got up at 6 am today to get ready for being there at 9am.

so if i got this other job that starts at 8 am, id have to get up a FIVE am every day. well especially cuz that one is further away. a whopping 14 miles away. this place today is only 4 miles away. also i get up SUPER early, ive NEVER been a sleep in as late as possible and Rush To Work in the NIck of Time. downside is that eats up valuable sleeping time.

/r/relships. i cant stop reading it, its SO ridiculous. some of it is good, some of it is fooking awful.

it DOES NOT help that 80% of the shit is by women for women. i wish there was a relship sub for men by men. it makes a big difference. cuz women dont know what theyre talking about, ever. hahahahahaha. terrible judgment, terribly wrong. WRONG. hahahaha. WRONG.

heh. the other bad thing about getting up early is, you are now awake 16 hours a day and have to figure out how to eat only 1200 calories. you are Hungry More because you are too used to Sleeping through those hours when you are hungry. like its 11am and i am STARVING even though I had some Cereal around 7 am. 350 calories. shit. 390 calories cereal and milk.

degree in account, masters in taxation, cpa. this is fooking AWESOME. i hear the masters in tax is one of the better masters you can get. this guy formerly worked with a well known accounting firm for 5 years. kinda surprised he is working where he is now. youd think it would be beneath him.

now he did not go to a name school………but the school he went to is actually kinda well regarded for accounting. which is exactly what he did. why didnt i choose that life hahahahaha.

i just saw him and i was like WHOA this guys the CONTROLLER? hes a KID!!!!!!!!!!

I guess there is Financial Director who is one step above him though.

see the stupid women would say this si just fine, stop trying to control her, you jealous abuser.

not even seeing that essentially the male FWB rejected her because SHE wanted MORE, and now they’re still just friends and hang out and talk constantly.

DONT SUCK A GUYS DICK ON THE THRID DATE!!!!! THATS DEGENERATE!!!! NIHILISTIC!!!!!!!!!

that was a different one hehehe.

its not INTENTIONALLY nihilistic. i mean they think its about FUN and who knows this might turn out to be the one, but lets just have some spontaneous fun in the moment.

fun fun fun fun fun fun fun. all about fun. muh dick.

i mean yeah its HEDONISM not nihilism per se, but IMHO hedonism is pretty damn nihilistic at root. i mean women arent capable of understanding that, most men arent either. but all white men are capable. nto sure about white women. maybe some are capable. ive never met one hahahahaha. no thats patently false, i certainly have met decent, nonhedonistic women that werent all muh dick muh dick muh clit muh orgasms muh fun casual fwb secs.

jeff daniels looks like slavoj zizek in this movie hahahahahaha

i mean is zizek really THAT cool? probably not, folks, probably not. why the hell did i ever like him in the first place? because he spouted pseudointellectual crap. that at its core is JOOISH as hell: critical theory, frankfurt skool POISON. but he made getting a phd in philosophy seem really Sexy to a 21 year old.

SIXTY dollars to see nick cave? thats almost as bad as fifty dollars to see morrissey. but i like nick cave a lot better. but thank god i have already had the PRIVILEGE of seeing nick cave. not many people can say that hahahahaha. and it was an even more outstanding show than you would expect. i almost DONT want to see him again because that is a high standard to exceed. also i dont really like his new album. but i should see him just to see him right? but 60 bucks? damn.

imean if it were tom waits I totally would. or neil young, in a theater of this size, with crazy horse for SURE, and hopefully less than 60 bucks.

not many people on muh bucket list. maybe bob dylan but thats a big maybe.

well tom petty would be nice. yeah id go see him. but prob not for 60 bucks. or in a gay ass outdoor theater full of drunk trash.

who else. maybe some black metal. or metal in general. judas priest, iron maiden, never saw them, missed shows by both in the past year, too lazy. i mean i had the TIME!

yeah i would pay 80 bucks to see darkthrone hahaha. or varg vikernes. or muh buddy mikko.

anyway.

i might have been ok with casual secs if i had ever had any sort of FWB thing work out. for example, women2004 and 2005, they just wanted casual dating ie secs ie casual FUN. I was like NO i want a serious rel so they dumped me because they didnt WANT a serious rel.  BUT I could have gotten a LOT of secs out of them if I had just said lets keep it casual. so in hindsight i wish i had done that, just so i could have had a lot of secs with some qt young gurls. instead i had secs like 2 times. better than nothing but still.

i mean theyre not horrible people for wanting what they want and rejecting me because i wasnt that. well, beyond the fact that what they wanted is………….pretty degenerate. but then again, some of my wants are pretty degen too, like wanting to smoke MJ, or being open to casual secs. (but not actively seeking it out.)

but i am so inexperienced with secs, that i automatically confuse secs with feelings.

THIS ISNT REALLY “CONFUSION!” ITS THE NATURAL WAY! IT IS RIGHT AND JUST AND NORMAL!!! WHATS NOT NORMAL IS THE PEOPLE WHO TRY TO UNTANGLE THEM!!!!!

DO NOT SEPARATE WHAT THE LORD HAS BOUND TOGETHER!!! hahahaha.

or, DONT SEPARATE THINGS THAT SHOULDNT BE SEPARATED!!!!!!!!! if you prefer that.

young girls wanting casual sex, and old men wanting serious feelings secs.

SEX IS INHERENTLY INTIMATE, IT IS BAD TO TRY TO MAKE IT CASUAL. IT CANT BE CASUAL.

that ultimately is the END OF DISCUSSION.

so yeah me and these women had Incompatible Values.

AND they made an EFFORT to give me Common Courtesy and Respect when they Dumped me! they made an effort not to add insult to injury! so i appreciate that now.

DONT ADD INSULT TO INJURY!!!!!!!!

maybe i should become a Christian Counselor. there are tons of them. is it any easier than becoming a Non Religious Counselor? as far as degrees, licensing, etc.

i cant see it being any easier getting a license from the state, but i could be wrong.

if youre being charged with a heinous crime, WHY NOT perjure yourself rather than taking the 5th amendment hahahaha.  just watching law and order. i guess this show could inspire a young person to become a cop or a lawyer.

anyway i never stalked her. dont know why i have to PROVE this. i guess because the women of reddit would say that sending emails is STALKING.

yeah ok i DID send probably too many emails, but after a month of that, I was DONE. FINISHED. COMPLETELY.

I sent 4 emails in 1 month. 3 of them were pretty long. does that make me an evil stalker? no it just makes me sad and desperate and pathetic.

also if she had said stop sending me emails, i probably would have hahahahaha. or maybe just sent one more hahahaha.

the worst i did was crane my neck to try to look for her car in the parking lot of her workplace as i drove by the workplace which was ON the most direct route to my destination. and if i get that job then i wont go 2 miles out of my way just to NOT drive by that other place every day. i might even crane my neck again. but its not like im pulling into the parking lot and sitting there waiting for her!!!!! that WOULD be creepy!!! i dont WANT to be a creep! but also women think everything is creepy. plus i can totally understand why men do creepy things.

anyway. i guess i would like sluts more if i had more benefits from those sluts. but really womens Sexual Desire has led them away from boring old me. I am always at odds with Female Sexual Desire, Fighting it, trying to keep it from straying away from me, trying to hold on to it.

yeah i guess i am TRYING too hard. you should have to TRY this hard to “maintain somebodys interest” in you.

but yeah i am now done with my week o interviews and can start applying to jobs again hahahaha.

i mean TWO of these three jobs I would REALLY like. these are some strong jobs to get your hopes up for.

how have i never seen this dark haired woman cop on law and order. she is very attractive, would bang/10. but is she jooish? this is like early 2000s, she is partner with black male cop, hopefully doesnt mudshark with him, sam waterston is still the DA. i think this is just Straight Up Regular Law and Order, not SVU or any of that.

milena govich. obvious a yugo sort of name. potentially jooish. wiki says serbian (and scottish.) well yeah the NAME is SERBIAN, just like STEIN is GERMAN. thats not what Im ASKING hahahahahahahaha.

2006-7, det nina cassidy.

i just dont know. i think she is a goy but you never know with these sneaky J’s, ive been fooled before. i would casually bang her while waiting for the 23 and me results HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

YES I have a FILTER, I know what things you should and should not say around WOMEN. I wouldnt say ANYTHING I say on here around women.

but yeah i dont want to be a creep, or a niceguy, or an abuser, or the jealous type, or a controller, or any of that stuff. but maybe i AM ok with being a “woman hater” hahahaha i mean how can any woke man not be hahahaha.

maybe i like proving to them that i have good enough social skills so they cant slander me as creepy. i dont say or do inappropriate things, but my god do i judge the hell out of women when they are not around.

and i dont feel bad about judging women. i dont mind being called a Woman JUDGER!!!!!! i mean thats what i do, i judge women!!!!!!

but in the social world, I treat them with respect. EVEN IF THEY DONT DESERVE IT!!!!! i really wouldnt treat ANYONE with disrespect until after they treated ME with disrespect.

i mean everyone makes mistakes, even That Woman doesnt deserve to be hurt even though she hurt me, because she didnt have intent, and even if she DID, it would still be better karma for me to just Let It Go, and no i dont want her to get hurt really bad. i mean i would like her to learn a lesson. but she was just stupid and weak, i was stupid and weak, and ultimately i was the one who got hurt more, a lot more.

now i mean feel different about someone who did something MORE hostile and intentional, like cheating or accusing me of abuse or something. totally lying and betraying me.

i dont do sketchy or bad shit with women. i dont DO anything really immoral. the most immoral i get is have JUDGEY THOUGHTS. i dont have thoughts about hurting or abusing or mistreating women. I just have thoughts of jdugement and disgust and contempt. but i dont ACT on these thoughts! I try not to do ANY immoral actions! because MORALITY is VERY VERY IMPORTANT to me!!!!!!!

1200 CALORIE DIET!!!!!

i guarantee you. if you eat only 1200 calories a day, you WILL lose weight even without exercise.

you will also be hungry at all times.

well some say 1200 for women, 1800 for men. that 1200 is the absolutely healthy minimum for WOMEN, who need less calories than men anyway.

so maybe 1200 is not even Healthy For Me. well, moot point now that I blew right by it by 150 calories and also today is muh cheat day too and i will be eating again later!

 

 

incel neet virgin 26 year old brother is resentful of his 20 year old NORMIE brother who can get a GF hehehehe. reddit shames the incel neet as a creepy woman hater, anyone who “unironically uses the word NORMIE after high school” is one of these hahaha.

now i dont MIND being friends with women like this guy seems to……but im not sure having Women Friends makes you any more likely to make a woman want to Be With you in a secsy way. you just get the friendzone hahahahahahahahaha. you can relate to women as human beings to your hearts content….in the friendzone hahahaha.  but yeah i guess i’ll admit that when you have a woman friend, it DOES make them seem more human, less alien, more knowable. but it makes all the more THIRSTY for a gf too. because youre like well now i actually KNOW a woman, this isnt so bad! but now I REALLY REALLY REALLY want a GF! I had forgotten what its like to even be NEAR a woman and to have a woman show ANY INTEREST in me! it feels good and i want what the NORMIES have!

anyway i am not as bad as that guys brother. i can control myself around women at least and dont do anything really creepy. plus i had secs once 12 years ago with the help of alcohol hahahahahahaha.

the first time he saw a tit? hasnt he ever watched jooish porn? not that i recommend it.

does he have a JOB? is he EMPLOYED? surprised this was never mentioned by the commenters. probably not, hes prob a damn neet.

i mean just like having a gf or at least a fwb is the litmus test of a NORMIE, so is having an at least average job. making at least 13 bucks an hour.

well, we did have some incels making 15 an hour at my last job hahahaha.

reddit. a bunch of damn degenerate nonvirgins SHAMING the morally superior virgins and calling them creepy and disturbed and elliott rodger, just because they dont fook like a bunch of NEGROES hahahahahaha.

these “social nerds” are an interesting bunch, i knew a lot in university. they were “weird” and “anti establishment” and “non conformist” but they were FAR from social outcasts, and had a ton of friends, and GF’s, sex experience, Relship experience, all from a young age, and turned out being successful normies with wives and children hahahahahaha.

NORMIES.

DIRTY NONVIRGIN NORMIES hahahahahaha.

PIGS, DOGS, DISGUSTING ANIMALS hahahahahahahaha.

” He’ll never figure out how to get a girlfriend until he starts treating women like people rather than games that you have to win to get romance and sex. ”  hehehehe but……….its that accurate? except they are not as fun or easy as a game. its a frustrating sick game.

well not even. the “game”, as designed by god/nature, its not sick. its sensible, and technically fair. it’s not pretty though. and it REALLY sucks to be on the losing end. and it REALLY sucks when Women Deny Their Privilege.

i guess thats just like ME denying WHITE privilege and MALE privilege, huh????????????????????

so……..if i can acknowledge that privilege exists, specifically FEMALE privilege…………….

……….does it not follow that its POSSIBLE that OTHER kinds of privilege exist?

and that I might benefit from it?

but, like women, I spit in its face and deny it?

so i dislike women who do the same thing I am doing?

yeah but i believe women DO have certain advantages/privileges in the mating game. i mean SOME men have their own privileges here….but not most men.

also, my idea of Female Privilege in the Mating Game comes from a pretty Traditionalist, Reactionary, Alt Right, Rightist, NON MARXIST way of thinking.

Ideas about White Privilege and Male Privilege, that all comes from MARXIST BULLSHIT.

they are all saying what a horrifying, dark, awful place the incel sub is. i dont doubt that its DARK, and i dont want to link to it or even READ it because Im sure its very negative……..but dont say these are awful people. youd be this way too if you were a hugless virgin neet incel who CANT EVEN GET IN THE FRIENDZONE hahahahaha.

note: i never use the word friendzone seriously. its impossible for me to “get put in” the friendzone. i will just say, baby, i dont want to be just friends, lets take a time out here. or thats what i would say if they agreed to talk to me hahahaha.

im perfectly fine being friends with women IF I dont want anything more. AND IF THEY dont want anything more. not that ive ever experienced that. but god damn. i know women are HUMANS.

just like negros and joos and mudslims are humans too, hahahahahahahahahahaha.

no, white women rank above all of those, hahahahahahaha.

but yeah its just heartbreaking when a woman you like would rather hang out with CHEATERS, DRUG ADDICTS, DRUNKS, DEADBEATS, ABUSERS, and NEGROES, rather than hang out with YOU.

ive certainly linked this album before. a few posts ago. it def has its place. right now i am drawing attention to 3:34, “summer of the diabolical holocaust”. “natassja in eternal sleep” is such a strong, timeless opener, that i sometimes forget the next song is just as strong.

again, good headphones and ideally good speakers, played LOUD, for maximum effect, considering the ridiculous production. note the insane distorted bass sound and drum sound, esp the floor tom. ridiculous celtic frost riff in the middle here, with ridiculous “solo” on top of it.

the guitar tone kinda sucks on this album….kind of. but i wouldnt change it either!

and TED’s vokills are possibly his best ever. truly literally a man possessed here.

i would say turn it up LOUD and DEFINITELY smoke a huge MJ to this one, get nice and blazed. oh god. wish i could.

and then cuddle up with nice waifu while doing that.

well, for that, we would just listen to one song, while I Mansplained the significance of the music. listening to the whole album with a grill would be pretty weird. metal grills are huge immoral sluts anyway. degen nihilists hahaha.

hard to believe they were only like 21 when doing this album. to make an album that you just appreciate more and more as you get older. into your Mid Thirties.

I think i was familiar with this album when I was 21, or at least close to it. I liked it……but I didnt GET it as much as I do now.

like i certainly dont like other albums LIKE this.

anyway yeah great album for the Turning Of Seasons, like when its really becoming Fall/Autumn. definitely some magic in this album.

but yeah you DO need to listen to it LOUD. it Literally sounds better that way.

it is amazing how much Variation and Diversity there is in darkthrone. UAFM and TH are both super freezing cold black metal albums, but they sound fairly different. i guess a big thing is that the tempo and rhythm NEVER change on TH, and on other DT albums, they change in every song.

yeah theres a damn good reason DT is a such a NAME.

heh these reddit nonvirgin normies shaming the virgins. there answer for everything is “DUDE NEEDS HELP.” WOW. JUST…..I CANT EVEN. YASSSS. HE NEEDS THERAPY. THERAPY PROBABLY WOULDNT EVEN HELP HIM. HE NEEDS TO KEEP TRYING THERAPISTS TILL HE FIND SOMEONE WHO WORKS. HIS ONLY CHANCE IS A LIFE OF THERAPY IF HE EVER WANTS A GF……….AND EVEN THEN IT PROB WONT WORK. CUZ HES TOO TOXIC AND NEGATIVE AND WEIRD AND CREEPY AND RAPEY AND JUDGEY. EW. UGH. GROSS. NOT OK. HE NEEDS A LOT OF HELP.

Yeah i agree he probably does need some help but i dont think its hopeless. these are exactly the type of guys i would want to help. with my unlicensed christian therapy group. we would go out and grab women by the pvssy and call them fat pigs, slobs, dogs, and disgusting animals. hahahahahahahahaha.

hey might as well listen to TH right after UAFM. now theres an experience you should be grateful for.

heh. I remember I bought TH on CD and that was one of muh first serious black metal albums. that, burzum debut, emperor “nightside eclipse”, burzum HLTO, DT panzerfaust. i picked some good ones for babbys first black metal albums eh? but i remember seeing phil anselmo in a pantera picture wearing a DT TH t shirt and i was like whoa that looks hardcore hahahaha what does that logo even say???

and then i bought the cd and mainly liked the first song and was like why isnt the rest of the album as good, i mean its a really simple formula.

but then it really grows on you hahahaha. and then it becomes one of your desert island best black metal albums of all time.

when i was a young angry virgin, i might have thought DT understood my hateful, sorrowful feels hahahaha. when really they were a bunch of HEDONISTIC, DEGEN NORMIE NONVIRGINS, smoking MJ and partying and getting with SLUTS. more like NORMIETHRONE amirite????

anyway, yeah i guess if all you listen to is TH, its easy to think DT is a fairly “ATMOSPHERIC” BM band, but they really arent hahaha. they are more of celtic frost beer chugging normies.

but yeah its timeless, beautiful stuff you will CHERISH the rest of your life. when i get married to my pure virgin white waifu, I will play nothing but BLACK METAL at the reception hahahaha. totally make it all about me and everyone else can suck my dick, im gonna play like 8 hours of straight black metal at my wedding hahahahaha.

no but i mean i have to play at least one black metal song. but what the hell would it be? i mean it would be burzum or darkthrone. maybe I should just play TWO black metal songs.  transilvanian hunger and jesus dod. hahaha.

well i was invited to a social thing tomorrow and i decided to Just Say Yes because this is EXACTLY the type of thing I should say YES to, so i did. its exactly because i dont go to things, that i dont get invited to things any more….so kinda want to break that pattern.

oct 27

ive always liked sitting down and writing about muh self and muh feels, total narcissist, but unfort i think this has helped CAUSE some of my issues, because i always take the wrong lesson, or get in too negative of an attitude. the women thing is the perfect example. writing here i sound like incel virgin maniac r9k elliot rodger, but i am not really like that in real life!!!! at worst i am socially anxious and shy, but never super creepy or weird! i am even nice and nonjudgmental to total trashy sluts, i just see them as people who have had hard, unlucky lives, had their good noble nature nurtured out of them, its not their faultttttttttttt. basically i will treat people well until they treat me badly. even if they are a dirty slut. until them being a dirty slut directly hurts ME, I will be nice to them.

(soundcloud giving errors, deleted link. google fenriz radio soundcloud.)

oh here is fenriz’s radio show, archive of many of them, actually doesnt sound horrible hahahahaha. i mean i am kinda jealous of his ability to enjoy new music at 45 years of age, my mind is pretty much closed to all that. i still want him to have a family. find a decent wife and have some kids. shit he can still listen to metal. he talks about listening to metal 16 hours a day or something. im not even AWAKE 16 hours a day! now a family man needs to be awake 23 hours a day working and providing and protecting and securing, but working fathers can still have interests and hobbies, he could still listen to his precious metal hahahahaha.

well i do like documentaries and here is one on peste noire. who i like because famine is a fairly right wing douchebag who hates foreigners. and i like a couple of his songs. and i want to determine how right wing and nationalist he really is. of course, i think he needs to stop drinking and living a degen lifestyle, be more like varg!!!

look at this handsome white man, in beautiful nature. this is what we SHOULD think of when we think of FRANCE…..not a jooified degenerate brown hellhole that france is turning into. famine does drink too much and should stop drinking and have children tho. although i thought it was hilarious that he made an obnoxious fart joke hahahaha. showing what he thinks of these media k1kes hahahaha. well really i dont know anything about the makers of this film.

i know weev gets lots of demand from the k1k3 media for interviews, but he straight up tells them, fook off and die k1k3, im not giving you an interview unless you pay me a lot of money, you can look up stuff ive said on the internet. PAY ME if you want to talk to me. and my rate is not cheap. im taking my pound of flesh back from you vampires. this is a great way to be. so i hope the people that made this doc were either not corrupt “skypes”, or they paid famine decent money to talk to them. i do believe famine, degen farting drinker he may be, but i think he still has artistic integrity hahahaha.

 

 

new vidya where varg talks about fenriz. he says a lot of good things about fenriz, that he is smart, funny, charming, easy to like, friendly. he says he is one of the smartest most intelligent people he met back in the day. and also that he is very honorable and ethical and tries to do the right thing and be an honorable man. but that his tragic flaw is that he drinks too much and this might compromise him.

now varg is talking about fenriz 25 years ago. but as a 20 year old man, whenever young varg met young fenriz, fenriz was always drinking beer and getting drunk. so i can totally relate with that. whenever I was socializing at around that age, i was drinking.

varg says fenriz is a good man but he hopes he has cut down on the drinking. i would agree because drinking too much is never good. and if you have ever seen videos of fenriz, he is often drinking in them. so yeah i hope he is not a Full Blown Alcoholic. i dont think he is because uhhhh he would have ruined his life by now. lost his job at the post office, stopped doing albums, in and out of rehab or jail, plus he looks fairly healthy.

so yeah i think hes got it under control but i cant help agree with varg that alcohol clouds your judgement.

i am kinda in between varg and fenriz then! i started out more fenrizy and am becoming more vargy. but yeah i always got the impression that fenriz was a decent True Blue Cobber sort of guy, and I  am glad to hear Varg saying so, as Varg seems to be the same way. Morality Matters.

I know fenriz was in a deep depression for a few years…..did he drink more during that time? how did he come out of it? how does he keep from going back? what kind of women and people does he hang out with? he seems pretty social. how much does he really drink? why did his marriage end? was that related to his depression?

these are the important questions to me hahahahaha.

but yeah i cant help but feel he is capable of even more, that he IS a truly smart and moral man, and it would be GREAT if he stepped up the same way varg has, get a nice white wife and have 6 white children, but he just hasn’t made that Leap into Political, Religious, and Metaphysical Thinking. And I know that Drinking can hold you back from doing that. So I cant help but want to have fenriz stop drinking for like a year, cold turkey, and see what changes happen. I think he is totally CAPABLE of doing this.

interesting that varg is making this video though. why not just contact fenriz and be like hey ole buddy lets hang out and get caught up.

but i dont think varg and fenriz were super besties either. but fenriz was probably the black metal guy varg liked the most. they definitely like each other hahaha. and it sounds like culto did not hang out much because he didnt like the people. varg didnt much like the people. fenriz is a good guy who got along with everyone.

so who WERE vargs friends? people not into black metal. what were these people like? whats vargs rel like with HIS father and his brother?

so many questions hahahaha.

anyway i think a varg fenriz meeting now would be very productive for them both. and i think varg could push fenriz to realize his full potential. this is the fanfic movie I would make hahahahaha.

like my fanfic sequel to the big lebowski that redeems the classic characters into nondegenerates hahaha.

or my fanfic sequel to king of the hill, 10+ years later, where bobby is like 30 years old in Current Year.

hahahahahahahahahaha.

so i am tempted to post a comment on vargs video to encourage him to Reach Out to Fenriz.

thing is, Fenriz is totally in his Comfort Zone. he’s happy doing what he’s doing.

i dunno. i just like proselytizing Traditional Family Values to All White People. I see a good white man who i think would be a good father, and I think it’s a SHAME that he DOESNT Leave a Legacy. And I’m not talking about timeless music or even The Fame Of A Dead Man’s Deeds!

cattle may die, Kinsmen may die, sure, but just as fame of dead mens deeds don’t die, so do kinsmens kinsmens kinsmens kin dont die hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

varg with his 6000000 children could speak to this better than I could. but see i am sold on this way of life way more than i am on fenriz’s. and i mean that in the nicest possible way to fenriz. im not judging him as a Degen Nihilist Slut Negro Mentality.

hey maybe fenriz thinks he would be a bad father.

i mean shit i KNOW i would be a terrible father because i cant even take care of MYSELF. but i might have POTENTIAL to BECOME good father material, i think all white men do. and i think fenriz has enough money. i am SURE many of his colleagues at the post office have children! also i would totally support him doing one sell out show of darkthrone to make money for his family!

i mean nocturno CULTO has children for gods sakes. mr hateful culto who doesnt like anybody managed to get woma/en to birth two children for him.

now i do think that deadbeat fathers are like that simply because they had children when they WERENT READY. but i do believe that ALL white men are capable of becoming ready to be good fathers. that these deadbeat fathers could have one day been good fathers if they just KEPT IT IN THEIR PANTS and didnt bang sluts without a rubber when they were too young to handle a kid. typcal N behavior hahahaha.

like i WOULD LIKE to be a good father someday, but if i had a child right now with some white trash slut, i would run away like a coward. i cant take care of a child!

and this is totally understandable at 20…..much less understandable at 30.

a LOT is SUPPOSED to happen between 20 and 30. but for me it really DIDNT. because YOU are supposed to MAKE that stuff happen with a LOT of Hard Work, effort, energy, and agency! it doesnt just HAPPEN on its own!

i didnt realize that until i was 30 hahahaha. well ok, maybe 26 hahahaha. well, i always KNEW it but ran away from that responsibility by drinking until i was 26.  sheeeeeeeit kinda wish i had gotten Busted a few years earlier! 22, 23, that would have been great year to stop drinking hehee.

and yet I STILL want to do MJ!!! it clouds your mind in a diff way than alcohol…….but it definitely clouds your mind! impairs your judgment in all things!

bbbbbbut my mind is clouded ANYWAY with hate and despair and fear and worry and anxiety and bad negative attitude and feels and r9k and incel and foreveralone and entitlement and elliot rodger and the red pill and niceguytm and K all normies and all that hahaha. at least being clouded with MJ or alcohol is a step up in terms of being more pleasant and positive!

ayo hol up hol up. so ALCOHOL would be POSITIVE?

MJ would be POSITIVE but ALCOHOL isn’t?

everythings a damn slippery slope hahaha.

well honestly i have no or very little desire to drink alcohol, it just doesnt APPEAL to me.

MJ on the other hand, APPEALS to me like none other.

what would fenriz do? drink beer, PROBABLY smoke some MJ, listen to metal, and have fun.

what would varg do? drink non-alcoholic beer, work on his russian lada car, make videos with not-his-best ambient music in the background hahahahahaha and proudly parade his beautiful children and live out the 14 words. and judge degenerates as degenerate. i mean yeah thats really appealing too!

but he’s not a neet virgin see! he’s a PRINCIPLED MAN, an honorable strong alpha man, with nice wife and a HORDE of beautiful blond blue eyed aryan children!!!!!!! he gets to BE autistic and live in isolation……with his young wife and 6 kids!!!!!!!! BIG difference between that and a neet basement dweller virgin! varg has had secs 6 times hahahahahahaha.

well these men are entitled to their privacy. im actually shocked that varg has Opened Himself Up so much to the world. I’m happy, because he sets a GREAT example, but he’s compromising his own privacy in a way I thought he never would.

maybe i should attempt to get an interview with FENRIZ, because he supposedly does hundreds of interviews whenever they do a new album. so my interview with fenriz will include all those questions about his personal life: his ex wife the artist, his GF’s, his FWB’s, his normie friends, his job, his family, his drinking, what he thinks about MJ, why doesnt culto scream like he used to, why is there one classic song on their new album but the rest is kinda meh, why dont you want kids, here’s why you should have kids, here’s why you should should go and hang out with varg and his family for a week, heres why you should quit drinking for a year and just see what happens, here’s why you need to pass on your damn genes and not just your music. you are SO CLOSE. have a rea come to jesus talk with him.

you can still do your radio show. i might even start listening to your radio show. you can still listen to metal. wouldnt you like a family to share your metal with hahahahaha.

is it he cant find a good woman? i doubt that. or does he just prefer sluts because muh dick? well he needs to get out of that muh dick mindset!

whats better, to be a muh dick white negro, or a hateful neet incel elliott rodger KV who cant even pull SLUTS?????

its honestly worst to be the neet virgin! then youre WORSE THAN A NEGRO!!!!! ME!!!! Thats where I am right now!

the PRINCIPLED, MORAL white man is worse than a degen muh dick negro, “simply” because this particular principled moral white man is also a neet loser virgin!!!!!!!! that is muh trump card!

so when fenriz was 21 he was still working at the post office (prob full time) and would get off his shift, buy a case of beer, and come over and hang out at euronymous’s shop and drink the beer, according to varg. i mean not that thats not a credible story!

basically, fenriz was able to live the life of a 21 year old normie: FT job like an adult, but also partying, socializing, drinking, having friends, probably GF’s, AND being in a band and making tons of music. classic, timeless music that will never die. while also being Sorta Immature and Drinking a Little Too Much, like a 21 year old man in his Party Phase.

so yeah i cant relate to that AT ALL, because I have so little experience in successfully working a FT job or being a normie. when he drank he did it right, when i drank i did it wrong. basically these were NORMIES!!!!!!

that is a weird thought, that the kvlt black metal guys i like are just more damn NORMIES. NORMIES GONNA NORM.

i am triggering the shit out of leftist reddist phaggots, who hate the term normies, cuz only niceguy broken men entitled incel r9k neets use the word. shit yeah.

and VARG is essentially a normie because he was hanging out with GRILLS from a proper age.

fenriz got grills, varg got grills, shit even euronymous probably got slutty grills hahahahaha.

you know who didnt get grills? probably dead. well, maybe he got one grill, got his heart broke, then K’d himself hahahaha. [pure speculation]

i hear that dead was a truly weird, lonely soul, not of this world…….and also that he was  a real nice sweet sensitive guy. im sure it was closer to the latter.  and then of course you try to add the grim early 90s norwegian black metal SPIN to that, and he becomes a twisted, dark, cold, lonely, hateful soul, one with death hahahaha.

maybe fenriz should have helped him learn Game to Game those white sluts hahahaha. or he could have gotten euronymous’s sloppy seconds.

but thats the thing about neet virgins…..THEY (we) CANT EVEN PULL DIRTY SLOPPY SECONDS SLUTS!!!!!!!!!!

so that is really a confidence killer!!!!!! the worst, easiest women dont even want us for a roll in the hay!

i mean i dont really care about “the scene”……………….but I do really like burzum and darkthrone, who were huge figures in “the scene”, so there you go. plus they are all interesting PEOPLE with interesting STORIES. and to top it all off, they made actually interesting music. and they continue to be interesting people 25 years later…..even if their music is less interesting.

so yeah. varg fenriz reunion nao.

rej email from 17 an hour county clerical job. SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEIT. i mean 17 dollars, 34k, thats WITHIN REACH for me a lot more than a goddam 40k job. so a rejection from a 34k job actually stings MORE than a rej from a 40k job.

at least for a 24k job, i could convince myself that they rej me because I was “overqualified.”

not so much for a 34k job. thats right in that sweet spot. i mean my glassdoor market value is 35k! the FEDGOV technically COULD pay me 34k as well!

really, I shouldnt apply for jobs MORE than 34k, and I honestly try NOT to……….

but most jobs are far above or far below 34k!!!!!!!!

slow genocide of the Middle Class hahahaha. hollowing out of the middle. the 34k’ers.

i mean i just want to make the average wage of my state/region/area, which is AROUND 13 dollars an hour, 26k a year. anything more is a BLESSING.

also, why do companies do Massive Layoffs, when they could just do Massive Pay Cuts instead? then people could keep their jobs at least, and there will absolutely be unhappy people who will quit voluntary. more cost savings there goy.  so yeah i dont understand why companies will just cut jobs entirely when they COULD just cut wages.

or CANT they. because the numbers dont crunch out that way.  you dont save enough MONEY by just cutting WAGES, you HAVE to cut JOBS if you want to save enough MONEY.

hmm apparently you cant buy gift cards online at gift card granny where you can save 5% or more off the face value. not a bad deal. like get a 25 dollar gift card for 23 dollars. not bad if you are looking to buy some gift cards……which i am!

maybe fenriz doesnt WANT to have kids ok? maybe hes happy with his life just the way it is!!!!

i mean not everyone WANTS to have kids!

yeah but a lot of people DO.

and the white race is kind of at a precarious position right now. so that if you care about the white race AT ALL (and I most certainly DO!!!!) then its kinda your DUTY to have kids. ESPECIALLY if you are of means.

and if you are NOT of means?

then GET of means ASAP mother fooker, because we are having a RACE WAR!!!!!!!!!!

otto skorzeny did not move to the US and was not your GF’s grandfather bro! he moved to spain and or ireland and even worked with the mossad for a bit.

listen to this good goy. 6 million jooz murdered by the n4z15 in the h010c4u5t. sounds like a wacky conspiracy theory tinfoil hat guy hahahahaha.

travel channel show. that old man you met was NOT otto skorzeny. how could you believe he was.

so yeah doing fun social thing today, which is not something i usually do, which is a step in the right direction for me. just be nice and smile and say thank you. baby steps. dont even worry about keeping up with Witty Banter. to me its always like a competition, who can do the wittiest banter, but thats not REALLY what it is, its just people who enjoy doing witty banter with each other and it comes very easily and naturally. only for me is it such a challenging competition! they dont care that im not the wittiest!

for a brief window of time, when i was about 21 or 22, i was kinda a social drunk fenriz character. i hung out a lot, also drank a lot, and had some small measure of charisma or celebrity. a lot of it was a bad reputation as a drunken wildman who said ridiculous things. NOT the type of thing I want to be remembered for. yet it was interesting having some amount of “popularity”.  probably the closest i got to being a normie. was able to parlay it into casual flings with two casual gurls. then my 15 minutes of fame were OVER.  and IMHO I wasted it drinking and being ridiculous and I was largely misunderstood. i would rather be remembered as a Nice, Moral, Honorable Man, than some Salty Loose Cannon Drunk Crank.

 

THE SEVEN WEEK ITCH

oct 19

welp got 2 interview invites in 1 day, bringing muh average “up” to 1/19 hahahaha. 1 interview for every 19 apps. better than target of 1 out of 20 hahahahaha.

1 for IT Quality Assurance at healthcare place, that might be good. i dont have QA experience but i wish i did and I am fundamentally committed to the idea of quality! hahahaha.

and then interview for part time city job which i would like to get.

ok, this time, DONT TELL THE SECOND PLACE THAT THEY ARE SECOND PLACE!!!!

meaning, DONT be “up front” or “transparent” that I am interview with place xyz and that if they offer me the job, i have to take it!

my previous thought was, this makes me not look desperate. like i am a man with options. this might work with women, but not sure about Jobs. Jobs might only want you if THEY are your FIRST choice. by saying you’d take another job, you’re telling them they are not your first choice. therefore they wont pick you.

so, 2 interviews next week. and now up to 25 interviews, 479 apps. i was shooting for 25 and 500, so, even better.

25 interviews was kinda my Magic Number tho. like THERES NO WAY I wont get a job after 25 interviews.

course thats what I said about 20!

WELL, some of these things werent really INTERVIEWS tho. I added .5 for Testing Sessions and Phone Interviews.

well a phone interview is kinda an interview right? its at LEAST TWICE as stressful as taking a test right? so i really should count phone interviews for 1 instead of .5.

 

hehehehe i did not really get HEADDESK FACEPALM issues like this, i kinda wish i did, because then they would be EASY and I could EASILY BLAME the Stupid Idiot Luser and be CONFIDENT that I was right and knew what i was doing. When in reality i would get WEIRD shit and think, DAMN, I know even LESS than the User! I have no idea what this thing they’re using even is! I have to fix a tool they’re using which I’ve never seen or heard of before!

go to tales from tech support and read all the Long and especially Extra Long stories. that is kind of what our stuff was like hahahaha. Extra Long.

I am closer to these shockingly idiot Users than I am to Tech Support! so why am i am WORKING for tech support! i empathize and sympathize wiht the Lusers too much!

DOGSBODY. this is def a british people word, for “administrative assistant” or “secretary” or “factotum” or person who does the shit jobs noone else wants to do. slave, lackey, minion, grunt, monkey, meat.

a Half Day Shadow is more than enough to fully train you for everything in your job! Thank You Sir for the PRivilege of a Half Day Shadow!

2 interview invites in 1 day, thats gotta count for something right. so to celebrate, think i will only apply to 1 job (baby step), then do 10 pushups (baby step), then do a 1 hour powerwalk (kind of a baby step hahahaha), listen to new fatherland episode (not a baby step but a full pleasure, very comfy, like cuddling a QT or smokin a big MMJ hahahaha)

it is VERY frustrating when you apply for a job, then see the cover letter you used, and see that it has a mistake in it: misspelling, wrong company, wrong position title, some sort of error. and then you think, theres GOT to be ones i’m NOT catching. and i’ve caught at least 2 or 3 in the past 100 or so.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

 

 

like these tales from reddits

 

how to train your call centre dogsbodies

 

she has only ever been with OP, and the 2nd guy she fooked was this “gay guy” she fooked when fooked up one night. cheating on the OP.  now gf is crawling back and saying pls forgive me, take me back, you can fook other gurls, pls just take me back. OP has a bad feeling and doesnt really want to. i would probably say I FORGIVE YOU BABEY bla bla bal and then she would cheat on me again and give me aids hahahaah. grids.

once a cheater, always a cheater!

NOT EVEN ONCE!

So if I made it 30+ years without cheating “EVEN ONCE”…..uh i kinda want to STAY that way! and i also want a woman for muh wife who has never cheated even once.

 

 

heh this is what i dont like about reddit. they think the father is a horrible bigot because he doesnt want his 20 year old white daughter taking the BBC. well, i guess they could be jooish, here’s a situation where joos would call themselves white.

and she is JUST FINDING OUT her father is “racist.” because he has black friends and hasnt given any indication that hes a HORRIBLE BIGOT until his 20 yo daughter brings home a black silverback!

and all the reddit scum agree, oh yes, he’s a horrible person.

 

gf dumped guy, broke his poor heart, now is upgrading to a better man, and dumped boifran continues to torture and blame himself. yeah this sucks. its better when they downgrade to a shittier man…..but many times they dont hahahaha.  YOU are the shittier man because youre a big loser in life.

it just sucks when they Move On so QUICKLY and yeah i would like to see reddit shame the xgf for that. like you cant take more than a few weeks to be single and Process the Dead Rel? you IMMEDIATELY go out and find someone WAY better? at least accept that that is gonna do a NUMBER on this sad sack guy!

well at least he’s young and near to finishing an engin degree so the odds are in his favor of getting a good job with that.

i might just RESPOND on this thread because hes not getting enough sympathy!!!!!

yeah i responded with a rambling, incoherent, autistic thing. see if you can find it hahahahahahaha.

guy gets feelings for his close female friend. she doesnt feel the same way. he doesnt know what to do. they work together. but she doesnt HATE him for it and they still talk and she prob wants to be friends. well he is way more successful than me and younger than me hahahahaha. so i say just make money and bang bitches and put her on the SUPER back burner.

 

when she LITERALLY TELLS YOU she wants to “put you on the shelf” and fook other guys, DUMP HER!!!!!!! not ok!!!!!!

/r/relships is good in that there is a lot of input, some of it good.

/r/anxiety and /r/depression are both GODAWFUL because there are 10% of the posts here, and they are not very high quality. /r/relships always tells you go to therapy, and its just funny. they REALLY need therapy on anx and dep.  i mean, there is terrible/no advice on these. nothing actually useful. just yep i want to K muh self too, its hopeless, the end.

at least on relships they TRY. and the women give shitty annoying advice but half of the women TRY, and 75% of the men TRY.

THIRSTY. MEN ARE NATURALLY THIRSTY.

80% of men DONT REPRODUCE. 80% of men cant get a woman. 80% of men have been celibate for 2 years or longer. of COURSE most 80% of men are “THIRSTY” hahahahahahaha.

but you see what im saying. most men dont have any OPTIONS they can CHOOSE from. BEGGARS cant be CHOOSERS. BEGGARS are THIRSTY. its not BAD for them to be thirsty. dont THIRST SHAME them!

dont THIRST SHAME a man whose been crawling in the desert for 10 years!

in fact, to continue with this thirst metaphor, thirst is not inherently bad! it means you’re suffering because you’re not getting something you NEED!

so the proper response is, dont SHAME them, say oh noes, THIS MAN IS DYING OF THIRST! HE NEEDS SOME WATER STAT!!!!!!!!!!!!

now its not anyones JOB to do that for him….but his own skills may well be weakened. compromised.

so i should just go to a hooker is what you’re saying?

well i would much rather go to a FWB.

oct 20

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. interesting scenario, go to my usual social event and a new gurl is there, about 25 years old, white, very qt, friend of acquaintance of mine, so i figure thats fine, hes got DIBS on her if he wants, but i’m not entirely sure what his motives are, but if i think she is QT he prob does too!

she seems not super obnoxious or bitchy in personality, but also lets slip some potential huge baggage, like fam members dying of drugs, possibly crazy x bf’s, lots of male friends, possibly dated a black guy, or a guy with a REALLY black sounding name lets just say. who knows how many abortions, how manny cox.

and yet i found myself attracted to her, like wow what a qt, i dont care if she’s crazy, i dont care if she had a black boifran, i dont care if she’s been with about 10 guys by age 25, i just care that shes qt and doesnt have any children. and if she were showing me interest right now, i would like that a lot and i would get over That Woman a lot faster.

and then i felt ashamed and inferior because my social skills are pretty bad, i cannot keep up with banter with the normies, i dont hang out and go to the bar or bowling with the normies, and i have terrible Game and cannot Talk To Women, and thought “i have nothing to talk about with this woman. she has quickly written me off as the most boring guy ever. by age 25 women dont want to waste time with BORING, quiet, awkward guys.”

my excuse was, i just assumed the other guy had “DIBS” on her and I was happy to respect that. but if he DIDNT, and was just looking for a Degen FWB, which is actually very possible, and it’s Open Season, then yeah my game was horrible omega vrigin neet style.

so that made me not feel so confident. like a failure with women.

and also just felt like a failure socially in general cuz my normie acquaintances go out to bar and bowling together, even if they have to Work the next morning, and I am just realy awkward abotu hanging out. I cant contribute to the hilarious banter very smoothly and i do not show tonnes of interest in hanging out, HOWEVER these are decent people and it would be GOOD for me to hang out more, socialize, with decent people.

i mean i do try to be nice and try to act normie, but i just can’t keep up with the stream of constant banter. its not even ball busting banter, but just making jokes like a well adjusted normie. nothing mean spirited or douche baggy, like i say, these are decent positive people.

so yeah a bit of double whammy socially last night hahaha: i am terrible with women, i am terrible with people.

i thought of how high this gurls number would have to be to be a dealbreaker. probably 10, i thought. she can come in under 10 at age 25 right? thats not asking too much?

but what about the fooked up family? was she molested? ever raeped? was there really black guys she fooked? how many black guys? how many white guys hahahaha. is she a cheater? abortions? how many fwb’s? hows your father?

and you cant really ask ANY of these questions as small talk hahahahahahahaha but she did let some pretty big hints slip, and she wasnt even talking to me!

OCCAMS RAZOR sez, I just wanted to bang her because she was a young qt, fit my A E S T H E T I C pretty well as a pale skinned, long haired semi “alternative” gurl, who does MJ and is not a huge social butterfly. Chill Cool Gurl. and then i thought DAMN I would like to DO her, but I would ALSO like cuddling with her, and making out with her, and trying the nice sweet GFE with her.

WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING IF SHE WAS GFE AT ALL!

Basically if the woman is even close to my “type” physically, I will want to try the GFE with her. meaning, potential for FEELINGS.

so it was nice knowing that i could very likely get Real, True feelings for a woman again, AND also lower my unrealistically high standards: been with less than 10 guys AND no black guys AND no abortions AND no cheating AND no fooked up family AND no kids AND 25-27 yo AND 6.8/10 hahahahaha.

sheeeeeeit she MIGHT have children, she just didnt say anything about that. i guess having children is the REAL dealbreaker. she could be a huge mudshark slut for all I care.

well of COURSHE these things would have SERIOUS implications in a serious LTR, but uhhhh ive never gotten that far before. i guess i would gladly take the GFE for 3 months until i get dumped by a mudshark slut for being too clingy hahahahaha.

ok a 25m complaining about his 19 yo gf that she is immature and bad communicator. so why doesnt she just dump him hahaha.

WELL, my question is, HOW MUCH maturity should you EXPECT out of a 25 year old WOMAN?

i hate this, well, you can only be SO MATURE at such and such an age. people dont MATURE till age 40.

heres the thing hehehe: 25 is in a real gray area here. we can all agree that 20 is immature, 30 is mature. so what does that make 25 then? it could go both ways obviously.

ALSO, its not like this GF is running away from her older BF. she is posting on reddit in a way to Try To Help.

anyway. the good the bad and the ugly.

the GOOD thing about “meeting” this new woman yesterday (i had actually met her once before like 9 months ago?) is that it taught me that I AM capable of getting feelings for a woman in the future. that is not THAT woman hahaha.

the bad and the ugly, well we just went over all that above. really it might be ALL TOO EASY for me to get feelings for a BAD woman! like this new woman has red and yellow flags pointing to dumpster fire, but here I am wanting to do GFE with her! Rough Secs sure, but also tender secs and tender cuddling and dating!

basically you want to be nice to the young qt woman and have her be nice back to you, EVEN IF she is the biggest dumpster fire in the history of the world! you will put on the rose colored glasses and just IGNORE everything in favor of you FANTASY! you will WILLINGLY DELUDE YOURSELF!!!!!

and that is EXACTLY what I did for That Woman!!!!!!!! I willingly bought into a FANTASY so much that I thought the fantasy was reality!!!!!!!

this can happen when you are lonely and desperate and thirsty and you have a female friend who is 25, qt, no children, and somewhat nice. BOOM. ALL OVER.

well this got muh confidence back up, i just got TWO MORE INTERVIEWS today.

TWO INTERVIEWS PER DAY FOR TWO DAYS IN A ROW.

THAT is TRULY UNPRECEDENTLY.

FOUR INTERVIEWS IN TWO DAYS.

This is the biggest thing since actually DOING two interviews in one day. (although that sucked. here im talking about the INVITATION to interview. which does NOT suck hahahaha.)

which brings MUH NUMBER up to 27!!!!! HORRY SHEET!!!!!

so yeah good pipeline.

the two i got today are: one from “bank”, HR woman called me and said well you didnt get the tech job (i knew this) but they were offering ANOTHER interview for me that i had applied to in april, didnt get anything for, they reposted it, and then HR called me and said i didnt even need to apply again, they would just give me an interview. so yeah i was really impressed by this HR woman. well she DOES have a masters degree. i mean i generally get a very solid respectable culture vibe from this company, i like it. it is refreshing.

next interview was at my old old employer, now this is a PT job, not super enthused about this one, but this place i associate with good easy PT jobs, albeit low paying and no more than 25 hours a week tops, but its close, and easy.

but i would take the higher paying PT job from this other place i am interviewing next wed.

applied for 1 job today when i was interrupted in that by the two phone calls. hehehehe.

so when i get secsual feelings for a woman, its VERY EASILY extrapolated to “romantic” feelings. for me there is not a huge disconnect between secs and romance. which i think is the old school, natural, traditional, nondegen way to be! what GOD has made one, man should not separate!

ok. wewlad all these interviews and phone calls.

i think its ok to say i have interviews to the other employers. just dont say, well this other place is my first choice. but its PERFECTLY FINE and a good move to say, oh i cant meet you on that day, I HAVE ANOTHER INTERVIEW.

course now that i have SAILED past 25, maybe that is GAAAAAAWWWWWWD telling me that I actually need to get to 30 interviews, not 25.

but 25 is a much better number than 30!

really 33 or 34 is a better number than darn 30.

just know that chill, introverted, quiet, nonobnoxious women STILL have 60000000000000000000000 guy friends because men have to do all the Heavy Lifting of being Charismatic, Interesting, Initiative, Drivers Seat, etc. a woman doesnt have to do anything to have 60000000000000000000000000 except RESPOND to texts.

she can be kinda plain, a 6.6/10, as long as she is 25 and no kids, she will have NO SHORTAGE of Male Friends, and from them, and ENDLESS SUPPLY of potential suitors, fook buddies, whatever she wants.

im not saying this is wrong or bad, i just get BUTTHURT when i see women taking that for GRANTED. that i DO get butthurt about.

also its ANNOYING when women complain about their BF’s getting JELOUS and CONTROLLING because they are upset the gf has 600000000000000 male friends. but then the women complain when the bf has female friends, or, even more interesting, a female “BEST FRIEND.”

YOU SHOULDNT HAVE A “BEST FRIEND” OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. THAT IS EMOTIONALLY CHEATING ON YOUR BF.

or gf or whatever.

ideally, you would be single and available, and make your opposite sex Best Friend your actual Boifran. because best friend implies  closeness, intimacy, emotional connection that really MUDDIES THE WATERS when it is across Gender Lines. one person ALWAYS WANTS MORE hehehehe.

http://www.livescience.com/5031-hypermiling-driving-tricks-stretch-miles-gallon.html

heh. this is me. i would rather drive at 30 mph everywhere than stop at lights hahahahaha.

HYPERMILING hehehehe

i am not as obsessive about fuel efficiency, i just hate stopping at lights hahaha.

bbbbbut i still feel bad about being so PUSHY to her that she BLOCKED me.

bbbbbut i thought she didnt have to BLOCK me, she could have TALKED to me THEN blocked me.

bbbbbbut maybe im underestimating what a HORRIBLE CREEP NARCISSIST WOMAN HATER SCARY BABY I’m being!

ken bone said “i saw jennifer lawrences butt hole, and I liked it” on reddit hahahahaha.

i bet he did! i bet I would too! and any red blooded man!

i think i briefly looked at some of those pictures but not very long and dont remember a BHole pic, which is especially titillating.

then you think of your version of That Woman and how men have photos of HER BHole on THEIR phone. and women think all these guys just DELETE these pictures once they are done fooking. COME ON.

and i never even made out with her, or cuddled with her, or spent enough time with her, or got her to make an effort for me. show ME her BHole and gush jooice all over muh D. which she does for every tyrone and rodney and dontravius.

and i hate how i was so stupid and omega and weak and pushy that i Pushed her to this. i became what women hate the most: a spineless, supplicating orbiter, not even worthy of a courtesy text before Blocking.

well at least i didnt stalk her and Hound her afterwards. yeah i sent her emails. EMAILS. big deal. yeah they were long but she prob didnt even read them. might have just BLOCKED them.

what if your GF accuses you of being abusive, gaslighting, controlling, manipulating, a horrible person, but you dont think you are those things, but you do know you are a little jealous, clingy, needy, which maybe leads to some semi-controlling things, but not what you would call abusive or manipulative or gaslighting?

never teach women these words because they will use them against you hahahahaha. stop GASLIGHTING me! she’ll say, when you are calling her out for something genuinely ridiculous.

tyrone and leroy and rodney dont GASLIGHT me! they fook me HARD and take pictures of muh BHole and I like it!

also these women will be thrown for a LOOP when they see how WILLING I am to go to counseling with them. oh you think im controlling? well ok lets go to a shrink right now to fix this, unless youd rather walk away!

and then they would probably walk away, and spend a year trying to beg dontravius to go to a counselor hahahaha.

also women can CONVERT a male friend to a Lover at least 100 times more easily than a man can convert a female friend to a lover. AND THATS A DAMN FACT!!!!!

and i am NOT just talking about the other FACT that women have many MORE male friends than men have female friends. but controlling for this factor. because im very CONTROLLING hahahahaha.

 

ex gf returns 5 years later to apologize, make better closure, now ex bf is obsessing about her again, then she says lets go NC, and he is all confused and in luv with her again.

this is exactly why you go NC in the first place. while trying to have mature communication and get as much “CLOSURE” as you can at the time. you have like a 1 month window to get closure, then its over. NC 4 LYFE. Till Death.

heh. took some nyquil for the first time in a while. a whole dose. which will prob lead to “hangover” tomorrow.

well thing to remember is nyquil makes you dehydrated so you should drink A LOT of water right after taking it.

yeah i would still rather smoke MJ, but, really wouldnt want to do that with FOUR interviews coming up hehehehehe.

heheheh now thinking about getting a PO box for a few months just so i can have MMJ correspondence sent there. then i can always cancel it after like 2 or 3 months.

can get a small po box for 3 months for 20-25 bucks. this would be worf it to me hahahaha.

 

he is right to be suspicious! also he is too trusting of HER hehehehe.  so of course now HE is the one with “TRUST ISSUES.” what a bunch of manhaters hahaha.

 

interesting read hehehehe cuz yeah you can get an idea how they run their business by their priorities and the decisions they make in fixing problems. bandaids, fires, short term vs long term focus, etc.

heres a good one. i am still not sure whats going on. yet its my job to tell albert that this is the only workaround. also i dont have a manager who is approving me to escalate it to engineering. and albert would instead argue with me, well why CANT a patch fix it? why does it HAVE to be a full upgrade? and i would say I dont know, I can’t explain it to you, and I can’t transfer you to the guy who is telling me it CANT BE DONE.

but honestly, isnt that case a little CONFUSING? and you need to solve it in 20 minutes? every 20 minutes, a new weird case like this, all day, every day?

even the comments just make stupid jokes about vladimir without trying to clairfy the salty snacks patch business.

anyway. i just want to know if i did something really horrible to a person, or not. because i dont want to do horrible things to people! damn!

i really dont think i did! but i also dont trust my judgment, esp on relships!

but still. i dont think i did something horrible evil.

but it WAS a CLUSTERFOOK of a situation that would take AT LEAST a year to even START to make ANY progress. just being close to something THAT clusterfooky is bad.

i mean i dont WANT to be a horrible person! I WANT TO BE A GOOD PERSON!!! PRINCIPLED!!!!!!!!

though WOMEN think I am a horrible person, IM REALLY NOT A HORRIBLE PERSON? OR AM I?

WELL I REALLY DONT WANT TO BE!!!!!!!

im not as bothered by this as all this shouting makes it seem. although i certainly WAS!

right now i am just zoned out on nyquil. kinda bored tbh but too lazy to do anything. if i had MJ i would totes do it. lots of it. just waiting to go to bed tbh.

so right now i am more worried about the job situation than i am about that woman, and also some worrying about All Women In General, and generalizing TOO MUCH from That Woman To All Women, and i should NOT do that.

Not All Women Are Like That Woman!!!!!!!!!!1

and that woman wasnt even that BAD. but it was just that one thing that i didnt like. well not all women will do that one thing. namely dump you without a word, just a straight blocking.

oct 21

ok next day after full dose of nyquil. not a bad “hangover” at all. better than expected. and lemme make clear, the worst nyquil hangover is way better than the best alcohol hangover!

it is just IMPOSSIBLE to be Confident Around Women (and to a lesser extent, men) when you are a Jobless Bum!!!!!!!!

well maria bartiromo is like 50 years old and i would GLADLY bang the shit out of her and her huge probably fake tits. and i dont normally even pay attention to tits hahahahaha. i am much more of a legs/ass/hips man.

i mean her i wouldnt get any delusions or fantasies about the GFE because she is an Old Hag. i guess this si the ideal type of women to have for FWB. but tbh less than 1% of 50 year old women look nearly as good as her.

i dunno. i just hate having to explain to angry customers why we cant do this, when i dont understand why we cant do this. and i dont know if they are just being a bad customer, or my company is being a bad company. or really both are shitty, but whos worse. SHOULD the company be screwing THIS customer in THIS case.

finally passed the 2 thousand dollars of Work amount, which really is not a lot. in terms of Hours Of Work on muh job search, times 12 dollars an hour. i have only done 168 hours of actual work on the job search. which is DISGRACEFUL hahahahaha.

good lord. i dont ever want to become this blind hhahaha. its like she doesnt even realize CHEATING is horribly bad!

and this is the guys WIFE of SEVEN years. DAMN. maybe that is the “7 year itch.” shit i dunno. i never made it to seven MONTHS. technically, not even seven WEEKS.

bitches get the seven WEEK itch with me, hahahahahahahahaha.

the seven DAY itch, 7 HOUR itch more like it, amirite. can only keep a womans interest for 7 hours. great job. hahahaha.

i’m not THAT uninteresting! if women cared about IMPORTANT things, theyd see i was VERY interesting!

but then again, a woman who is too interested in politics is inherently crazy!

well, what about a woman who is super interested in MORALITY??!?!?!?!

yeah i would be ok with that. that would be great. because then she would be very interested in not being a dirty whore or cheater. yes.

and if she’s crazy…..well ALL women are CRAZY, just give me the ones that are MORAL. as long as their craziness doesnt compromise their MORALITY and make them behave immorally, like cheating, abandoning, or being a slut. then give me crazy moral all day erryday 4 lyfe.

shit who cares. as long as they are moral to me. shit go ahead and cheat on me, just dont dump me hahahahaha. work out a DEAL with me to dump me in a way that i can handle. like negotiating a payment plan.  to wean me off of you. and give me a pound of MJ too.

was reading city-data forums today. people in my region talking about getting a college degree and making 50k in their mid twenties. now im 30 and make 60k without a masters degree. i just had to have a good work ethic and work 70 to 80 hours a week for the first few years to pay my dues.

heh thing is, i dont want to work 80 hours a week to pay my dues.  would just as soon go crazy and quit!!!!!!!

why cant you jusy pay your dues at 40-50 hours a week?

how do people handle this?

i KNOW that having a qt waifu would help take the edge off, as would a steady source of MJ.

you can have another boifran, even a black one, just let me have my fantasy, dont talk about him, and hang out with me 1 or 2 times a week. and dont give me any diseases. and when you cut me off lets work out a cutting off PLAN.

i was doing a 3.2 mile powerwalk and about 1.5 miles from muh home I found, on the ground, a little canister for MMJ. horree sheet. it was broken and there was nothing in it OF COURSHE, but i just thought it was funny, considering muh obsession with getting a MMJ card and ultimately, a neverending supply of MMJ, and I would not throw my canisters on the side of the road like a negro.

maybe I should have Scraped the Canister for some Kief Krystals hahahahahahahahaha.

heh i dont necessarily think women would CHEAT on me with their male friends, but i WOULD totally worry that they, social butterflies that they are, always meeting interesting hot new guys, that they would find a guy that is better in the Mate Market than me, and then dump me for him.

i mean thats BETTER than CHEATING, but I really do HATE being DUMPED. replaced. traded in for an UPGRADE. really i cant imagine cheating being much worse. i mean the shit is probably gonna end anyway. might as well get as much time wiht the woman as you can.

yeah but she could give you a disease. and really cheating IS worse than dumping. why would you want to spend another minute with someone so immoral.

well maybe if someone cheats on you, its easier for you to HATE them, therefore easier to GET OVER them, because it’s much easier to BLAME them for doing smething OBVIOUSLY HORRIBLE. where dumping is not really horrible at all. you cant really HATE someone for dumping you. theyre not really WRONGING you. in the way that cheating is.

 

what a fooking dumb idiot slut. guy point blank tells her he doesnt like just secs without dating, she wants “just secs” from her “CRUSH” no less. I thought CRUSH meant you LIKED the person and wanted to DATE them. which is clearly what HE wants to do. i would like to think a 22 year old could be more mature than this. than a big slutty BABY.

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/

OH GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

sluts who fook chads and hate niceguys make fun of and mainly talk about how evil and rapey and creepy niceguys are, and how its so much better when chad nuts in their eye hahahahaha.

what i never got is, why do YOU LIKE treating people as a DOORMAT?

if someone were throwing themselves under my feet and wanting me to be a doormat, i mean it wouldnt even work, because IM NOT WILLING TO WALK ON ANOTHER PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IN ORDER TO BE A DOORMAT, THE WOMAN HAS TO BE WILLING TO WALK ON YOU!!!!!!!

i would say listen, stop being a doormat, Im not gonna walk on you.

no im not the worst niceguy ever, but i have some niceguy tendencies, and i can sympathize with some niceguys.

I mean honestly i would never say these things, i stopped saying woe is me, nice guys finish last, yeaaarrrrrssssss ago, so i am thankful for that. but i am still a meek timid nice guy. i know GOD DAMN ALL TOO FOOKING WELL that it doesnt entitle me to anything and that it is THE SHITTIEST, WORST strategy ever, and that women HATE nice guys.

i mean i wish they didnt hahahahahahahaha. stupid bitches and whores hahahaha.

apparently referring to women as “females” is telltale nice guy, means you treat them as a separate, unknowable species. dead giveaway.

i mean i very rarely use this term, i just say women to mean the same thing, a seaparate, stupid, slutty, species hahahaha.

anyway yeah what made things difficult with That Woman is that i DID know her, it WASNT a fantasy, i got to know her, knew the real her for 2.7 years. its not like i just MET her and immediately projected my fantasy waifu all over her. (which i have done with other women.) when i first met That Woman I wasnt projecting ANYTHING on her. i didnt even really THINK about her that much.  i just said well she seems like a nice gurl with a hard life, she deserves a good man, but i just cant be that man. oh shes got a boifran? well hope hes a good guy and they get married. oh theyre having trouble? well i hope they figure it out. then i meet him. oh he is a good guy, just a little autistic and stubborn. they can still work this out if he wants to. he doesnt want to. he’s done. he’s gone now. now ive known her for almost 2 years. jeez maybe i DO want to be a Good Guy 4 U. and if shes just gonna give it away to negros, why not me? yeah thats a little ENTITLED sure, but i didnt really feel entitled to her Dating me, as much as i felt ENTITLED to her ending the Rel in a more Sensitive way hahahaha. i never called her a fooking bitch to her face like these nice guys do.

yeah i mean the nice guys are cringeworthy, but these WOMEN dont need to HATE them so much. I REALLY doubt any of these nice guys would be Monstrous Abusers. shit, they cant even get a woman TO abuse hahahahaha.

if anything, CHAD would be somewhat more likely to be an abuser, IMHO!!!!!

I mean at least half of Chads are Good Guys anyway. to coin a term in contrast to “nice guys.” so then what do we call ACTUALLY nice guys? i say we call them “good guys”. i mean shit i still call them “nice guys” but then bitches like this subreddit think im talking about the bad kind of nice guys.

but yeah if a guy starts throwing him at your feet and saying WALK ON ME! IM A DOORMAT!!! that doesnt mean you HAVE to do it! i would say, stand the hell up, i dont walk on anybody.

 

 

 

ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO RESPECT SOMEBODYS DECISION TO TREAT YOU WITH DISRESPECT

 

oct 13

apparently got up way too early today for 9am test. strangely not pooping even though drinking coffee and have some food that should be ready to go hmmm.

i just hate angry customers demanding explanations that i dont have, demanding to speak to somebody else when i cant transfer them, and i dont have time to Figure Out their problem, and just have to tell them It Is What It Is, Live With It. There’s no tactful way to say this problem isnt serious enough to our company to waste time figuring it out.

when you are sitting there in the trenches desperately trying to bullshit people and survive to the end of another day in hell, the one thing that gives you hope and solace is the idea that the first thing you do when you get home is youre gonna prepare a yuuuuuuuuge spliff and smoke it and get hella blazed. that is your one saving grace. it really does help. without that, things really start to look hopeless.

did not get a ton of sleep last night hehehe .

aha well feel the BM coming now finally hahahaha. usually i dont have to wait!!!!

then i get mad at other people, like HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH THIS? HOW DO YOU HANDLE THIS? and they get mad at me cuz i am mad at them cuz they can so easily tell customers “i dunno, not my problem, deal with it, live with it, cant help you, it is what it is, goodbye.”

well, it is true that what i saw what PERHAPS the evidence of a company on the downfall. well, the company was having a Bad Year, Big Losses, and laid a ton of people off, including in our department. but was the shitty service we gave indicative of that, or was it always like that, even when times were Good and Growing? i mean you always want to save money and do more with less, and that means sweeping Small Problems under the rug.

its just hard being the person who has to tell the person youre sweeping THEIR problem under the rug.

very hard. what do you say?

idk just go with the flow lol  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

yeah well YOU stop listening to your degen music and TELL this person that. give them a damn good EXPLANATION WHY you are sweeping their problem under the rug.

and go suck negro dick some more. spread your legs for negros and make fookin shitsprogs with them.

i might not be in luv with negros, but i can at least admit they are humans hahahaha. they are living human beings and their innocent babies lives have some innate value and shouldnt be created WILLY NILLY. same with any nonwhite babies. I am a sucker for babies. all races babies are INNOCENT HUMAN LIVES that should not be treated like GARBAGE.

im not an idiot i SWEAR. Here, call my high school teacher from 20 years ago when I was a top 5% student and got all A’s.

ok took the test, it was EASY AS SHIT. basically copy an extremely simple table from this paper into excel, using sum formulas and multiplication formulas hahahaha. no index match or offsets or vlookups hehehehe.

and then use an adding machine with paper tape roll to add up a list of 20 numbers. i did not even understand. who uses adding machines.

i was nice to the lady and she was nice to me and i also saw a printout of the 30 people who took the written test a few weeks ago where i did horribly on the accounting questions, i told the lady yeah i didnt do so well on the accounting part, but i took accounting courses in College and got A’s I SWEAR, I could TOTALLY do that stuff again with the debits and credits and journal entries if I just did a little refresher, its not rocket science, its just you get rusty if you havent used it in a few years!!!!!! and she seemed understanding.

jeez. just when i thought trump was past this grab em by the pvssy shit, some more bad shit happens, namely, some b’s coming out saying he groped them. i guess i sort of thought this might happen, and now it is. i like how he is condemning the lugenpresse, because he knows this cant be proven, although youre a woman hater if you think a Victim Might Be Lying, especially if they put their name and face on video and say I, Ms Lyin Slutberg, say that trumps hands were like an octopus on me in 1980, and women dont make this shit up for political reasons hahahaha.

but yeah that is the prevailing idea, that women never lie. and trumps got to get women to believe women do lie, in order to get womens vote. of course women know women lie, but they will deny it to the point of voting against that bad bad man.

but yeah it is def hurting his poll numbers signif. i mean it does not look good folks.

but if he can handle this as well as he handled the pvssy tape, he has a chance.

heh i almost had a heart attack seeing this one cuz i actually thought it was That Woman doing an actual reddit post about ME hahahahahahaha. but its not. i am older than 29 anyway hahahahaha. also it sounds like she rejected him a little nicer because they were still talking afterwards. well…..not really. well, it sounds like she actually told him “im not interested,” and THEN he started asking Creepy Details about her Secs Life. well at least i did not do that! so i am less of a creep and better at respecting boundaries than this guy!

i mean i am fine being a woman hater but i DONT want to be a creep, i DO want to respect boundaries.

I was VERY, VERY, VERY distraught and upset, like this guy, but I think I did an OK job of respecting boundaries…..well just the idea of me getting feelings for her and asking her to hang out regularly was Trampling Her Boundaries!

yeah well she could have stopped saying YES WE WILL HANG OUT!!!!!!!!!! that KINDA got my hopes up!

but yeah i admit i was weak and cowardly and should have blurted everything out in november 2014. that is the lesson i learned, and if i ever get into this situation again, that is what i will do.

i didnt really manipulate our mutual friend to talk to her, but yeah maybe i did secretly hope that mutual friend would talk to that woman and be like hes really upset and you were kinda shitty to him hehehehehehehehe.

but yeah it gets to a point where you really dont have anything to TALK about. i learned pretty quickly that i didnt want to just TALK to her, i wanted a CHANCE with her. the time for TALKING was earlier. like yeah i wish you had dumped me with talking but if you come talk to me now, uhh yeah im still in luv with you, ill still be in luv with you 15 months later. i can accept you not wanting the rel, just tell me no. tell me no and tell me im not a piece of garbage hahahaha. just say aw im sorry youre a real sweet guy like all the other women who “FRIENDZONE” their male friends hahahahahaha and then lets take a little break because you cant be friends when theres one sided feelings, didnt you learn than by age 25 hahahaha.

i will pay for a dumping expert for you to dump me.

or have your mom dump me for you.

but yeah at the end of the day she was a nice person, a beautiful person, and i will never get over her or stop being in luv with her or find a better woman ahahahahahahaha.

this feels as bad as muh First Heartbreak! they say the first is by far the worst, but this one is by far the worst! the 5th or 6th heartbreak hehehehe. well because it was the most significant actual relship.

anyway yeah i guess i understand, if i were in her position i wold have a hard time dealing with me too.

i mean you really do need a professional for these types of things. well ok. i would have her go to my shrink, talk to my shrink for 30 minutes, then i would talk to the shrink for 30 minutes. do a couple of those sessions. and the shrink could relay everything in a mature manner. thats their JOB hahahaha.

yeah well many people are just horrible at their jobs and have no idea what they are doing hehehe.

i mean isnt this what QUALITY ASSURANCE does? makes sure stuff is objectively correct?

i mean i never experienced this before. i pretty much accepted the ITS OVER talk. well, i would try to win them back. didnt work. they would make out with you (and im sure str8 up Pity Fook you, because its just secs). but i was too pathetic to even PUSH for secs because im nervous about secs and am perfectly happy with making out.

anyway winning them back didnt work and i shouldnt have tried it.

well these were crazy middle class jooish college gurls! and That Woman was a nice white down to earth normal woman who was not a Huge Career Woman.

i was a little creepy, but was I SO creepy that I should be totally ashamed of myself? sometimes i am, sometimes im not, and im still not sure how ashamed i SHOULD be, in other words, not sure exactly How Creepy I was.

i mean i dont WANT to be creepy. because “creepers” dont get women ever. its synonymous with undesirable. i dont want to be undesirable. have such deep issues i could never be with a wimmin. i mean they have deep issues too, but it doesnt matter bc women are the supply, therefore i HAVE to not be creepy. it is my responsibility. my mission. i dont want to fail my mission.

heheh got up at 6 am, not a lot of sleep, in mood for nap now at 12 pm hahahaha.

anyway. muh life is in ruins and all i can think about is WOMEN. and this is not a new thing. i always cared more about women and the related drama, than making something of myself. this is one of muh hugest flaws.

cuz i was always way more interested in women than i was in Employment, Education, or Training hahahahahaha. all that stuff was boring at best and excruciating at worst.

yeah i shoud not be writing here, very tired hahahaha. i mean i SHOULD be furiously jobsearching but i dont do that so furiously. hey i did something job related today! and i am on the baby steps plan hahaha.

but i have been on the baby steps plan for YEARS. i need to start doing MORE than baby steps, a LOT more.

GROWN ASS MEN DONT GET ANYWHERE WITH BABY STEPS.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

teen doesnt want to go to college, caretaker says she needs college beause shes not the type to do well without college.

such an easy answer. let the damn kid take a damn gap year, maybe two. also its easy to get a job when you are a 18 year old gurl hahahahaha. take some business classes at the CC because the kid is vaguely interested in “Starting a business” with no plan. so take accounting classes at least, maybe econ, i dunno. def accounting cuz its an actual skill you can get paid for. i mean it hasnt really helped my career hahahaha.

everyones like o just have her get a FT job and pay you rent, which in theory is a great idea…..but what if she cant get an FT job? spends the entire gap year just applying to jobs, going to interviews, and not getting jobs? hehehehe.

which i highly doubt tho, cuz as an 18 year old gurl she could prob get hired at a 12 dollar an hour county job like i just got two rejections today for two such jobs! they either dont like muh gap andor they think i am overqualified andor they dont want to hire white males. they hire a lot of white females though hahahahaha.

anyway if the kid is not DRIVEN in real life, they wont be DRIVEN in college, and being a lazy slob in college is not gonna help them. then you become a huge failure like me hahahaha.

anyway i always knew i was too fooked up to have a rel with a woman, so i wasnt actively looking for one. i knew i had to fix myself first, and that would take YEARSSSSSSSSSSSS until i am 40 or so.

point is, i didnt go LOOKING for a woman when i “found” That Woman. Us becoming friends was the easiest, most natural, most spontaneous thing i had felt in a very long time. we just got along instantly. it just happened naturally af. i didnt LUV her at first. after 2 years of being solid friends, i fell in luv with her. and yet i still was too broken and damaged to be in a rel.

point is, i wasnt putting myself out there, i wasnt trying to FIND a GF in other words. she literally fell into muh life and we got along rather MIRACULOUSLY.

like i think about going on okcupid or something and practicing banging sluts, but i know im not even ready for that cuz muh life is a mess, cant take care of myself, cant be a adult, i gotta get that stuff fixed before i even THINK about women.

hehehehe. yep. get me to stop thinking about women hehehehe.

well thats a lot easier when you are working FT at a terrible job. THEN you just think about surviving one day at a time. you have no Libido, you cant even jerk off UNLESS You look at porno. and it becomes a joyless experience solely to attempt to relieve stress. destress. and it doesnt work nearly as well as smokin MJ.

or quickly crank one out thinking of the Office Young Slut that all the other lonely old guys want to bang too.

if you are lucky enough to GET a job. AND work with even ONE attractive young woman.

but attractive young women can be INCREDIBLY distracting.

well, you will probably be thinking of them ANYWAY even if you dont know or see any. kinda in that position right now. im always thinking of women, but i really dont interact that much with women, and my point is, i dont know ANY attractive young women! but i still think about the idea of them! all the time!

shit maybe send that 17 year old kid to a shrink (i am thinking of them more as a boy than a girl, because gurls shouldnt Go Away To College period.) just to get a damn “tune up” and make sure they dont have Depression or Anxiety or Bipolar. just get a check up, and if they have anything, they can start treating it when theyre young and before they get their whole life off track. maybe the kid is Depressed because they dont seem to have any drive or motivation hehehehe. also make sure they are NOT doing drugs or alcohol regularly. find a male mentor who is 5 years older. 9 at the very most.

if the mentors are too old, they wont know how the world works and their advice wont apply hahahahaha. theyll say go to college, thats your sure ticket to the middle class, hahahaha.

dont get a female mentor.

FEMALES CANT MENTOR.

well, maybe they can mentor children and women, IF they have children of their own.

well what about this guys wife who is a successful business owner.

ok fine, if they own a successful business, ill give them a pass.

and actual entrepreneurs WOULD be GREAT mentors for Teens. but good luck getting access to these privileged, valuable, expensive, very important people. their time is worth 100 bucks an hour just to talk to them on the phone. just go shadow a doctor or something. go shadow bill gates hahahaha.

but yeah going to college right after high school was a HORRIBLE idea for me, so yeah i was VERY interested in that topic.

wewlad finally gonna come in under muh daily calorie goal of 1200, instead of way way over.

ITS SO HARD TO DO EVEN 1 BABY STEP hahahahaha.

but yeah i get SO nervous at the idea of Facing Customers. it is TERRIFYING. like the kids at mcdonalds making 9 dollars an hour. i couldnt do what they do!

but the FACT is, at ONE time, i USED to do pretty high level, in depth, srs business customer service. having deep intense serious conversations.

so yeah i just want to answer all my haters who say i got involved with a woman before i was READY.  it just HAPPENED ok. i wasnt LOOKING for anything. you cant CHOOSE who you LUV.

on reddit some college educated career woman was doing a /sarcasm about sex being “the holy process by which babies are made” /s . i wanted to reach through the screen and punch her in the face for being such a fooking godless disgusting degenerate. THAT SHOULDNT BE SARCASM! THATS EXACTLY WHAT SECS IS!!!!!!!!!!

and i am honestly disappointed that ONLY religious people share my beliefs. I argue endlessly you dont HAVE to be religious, christian, etc to have my beliefs on Sexual Morality, that sex is a darn near holy, sacred, sublime process by which Human Life is created, so have some damn REVERENCE for it.

apparently only religious nuts think this, and everybody else doesn’t.

i am SORTA religious but I stubbornly insist you dont NEED to be to feel this way about secs. even a damn tree worshiping pagan would agree with me!

i was pleasantly surprised to see that there were soem gun owners on reddit. one rel question involved guns and plenty of gun owners responded. i expected everyone on reddit to be violently antigun, anyone who doesnt express only negative opinions about guns is an evil white cis racist hateful nazi kkk trump raeper. so i was glad to be proven wrong there.

everything is NOT OKAY with these women. 25 year old women making 50 grand a year write work emails about things being NOT OK. good god.  and we all have to bow down to the women and fix shit when they think something is NOT OK. no man would EVER use those words to describe anything, unless he is a total cuckold phaggot.

women are very conformist in the way they talk so colloquial idioms like “not ok” and “its a thing” and “its been a minute” and “creeper” and “netflix and chill” and LITERALLY and  just the littlest ways of speaking, the words, the stupid slang, they get really into that and it changes the way they TALK. and men just dont TALK like that, not nearly as much.

 

heh the anxiety reddit is sometimes pretty good, though not nearly as much comments as relshits.

 

yep

 

in this WOMANS defense, I would get anxious about 12-15 hour shifts too!

 

there is a despair reddit too but damn these people are pathetic. but there are some good questions like the above. not alot of answers though.

anyway i think my despair comes FROM muh anxiety which holds me back from taking risks and doing things and accomplishing Life Goals like getting a real job, maintaining the job, getting a rel, maintaining the rel, being an adult, etc.

also anxiety prevents a LOT of people from working. they have panic attacks and crying every day about their job. panicking every morning. panicking at lunch. being exhausted and destroyed at the end of every day.

some suggested that high CBD cannabis can help with anxiety but high THC can Aggravate anxiety? i dont doubt that. but I always think of it in terms of indica vs sativa, and this is NOT the same thing.

well then give me a high CBD indica hahahaha.

 

1 comment basically saying i dunno, nothing helps, try meds and maybe it will help you seem like a normie.

hehehehe. i know that feel.

but yeah. valid, good questions, with barely any responses. bretty disappointing reddit.

well i can at least be gratefu that muh anxiety and despair arent as bad as some of these people. like i can actually go on interviews, 23 of them hahahahaha. (but VERY doubtful about actually doing a job and surviving at it!!!!!!). also i dont get holy shit i must K myself sort of thoughts. more like wow i am a huge failure who has wasted my life and i will never be able to turn it around, but i dont really want to K myself! but i just feel hopeless about being able to become a real adult with an average job, and to get a halfway decent gf, ideally wife. ok FINE i will accept not having children. but i wont accept getting into a rel with a shitty woman out of pure desperation and loneliness. i would rather continue being alone. and just smoke MJ and maybe bang sluts like a degen. its not ideal but i wonder if some secs would make a man more confident which he can then use to do actually good, nondegen things. the ends jsutify the means. by any means necessary.

oct 14

https://www.eremedia.com/ere/why-you-cant-get-a-job-recruiting-explained-by-the-numbers/

yeah the page does exist, ive got it open right now. very discouraging article  written by evil hr person hahaha.

http://insights.dice.com/2014/09/16/recruitings-dirty-little-secrets/

ok ive had enough hahaha

basically i was looking for an Experts Opinion on low-level (data entry, general clerk, entry level admin asst, clerical asst, office clerk) get posted AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN and over and over and over every 3 or 4 weeks, basically the same position in the same location, and you apply 3 or 4 or 5 times until youre ike WTF is going on here, ive applied to this same job 4 times and still havent gotten called for a First Interview or even a Phone Screening, WTF is going on here. has their HR department blackballed me, or is this just not a real job? are they building a pool? there must be 10000 people in the pool by now!! are they trying to build a BETTER pool? its a 12 dollar an hour job! youre not gonna GET mark zuckerberg!!!!!! WHAT IS GOING ON here? looking for an article that explains this phenomenon, but cannot find.

i mean yeah im sure i could get flagged as “DESPERATE, WILL TAKE ANYTHING” in the ATS, which is only half true. I will only take anything that is less than 50% phones hahahahaha, i will take anything that wouldnt obviously drive me completely insane and do a panicquit hahahahaha.

im sure ive got that flag at the hospital where ive applied to 50 jobs. but i’m not applying to shit all over the hospital! i am applying to stuff in my ballpark of qualification!!!!!!!!!!

if there are men looking for the “GF experience”, are there women looking for the BF experience?

well, and im not SURE about this, but my THEORY is that women who get LONELY like this will just end up trying to convert their BFE (probably a Fook buddy or FWB) into an actual BF.

just basically slapping your fantasy image of the perfect GF/BF onto whatever attractive person lets you fook them. then you fook them and cuddle with them and be nice to them and start to want them as your GF even though you have no idea who they REALLY are. pretty much what happened with the first gurl i fooked.

its safe to say if you want the GFE, you want a GF, period.

(yeah this is kind of a NO SHIT SHERLOCK thing when you think about it for 1 second.) so you are at risk. you bang some slut and try to make it a GFE, and then probably end up getting stupid feelings too fast because what you REALLY want is a GF.

i mean its not really STUPID, its completely understandable.

when you search what appears to be specific requisition numbers on a big companys job site and you cant find the job. because i got an email alert saying apply for this job, but no LINK in the email, so i search the req number given in the email to make sure i find the exact job, and nothing. total incompetence by the HR of a YUGE successful company. shit why even post jobs, they can get top talent from top skools, why even open this shit to slobs like me.

less than 1 month to go and the pres campagins are now all about Secs Scandals. this is honestly kinda disappointing. not that secs scandals do not matter cuz they ARE an indicator of Morality, which is more important than anything hehehehe.

well i mean i will accept a president who has groped a few women, but is sincere about making america great again hahahahaha. i will not accept a pres who has groped and raeped a LOT of women and who wants to genocide my race hahahahahahaha.

so what if trump doesnt respect women? I dont respect women! well, the MAJORITY of women hahahahaha. SOME women are respectable. but not a lot.

although on a person to person level, social interactions, i treat everybody respectfully, even if the person may not really be respectable. i mean im not gonna FIX them by being an asshole to them. i dont like being an asshole to people anyway. its too much WORK, its too much STRESS, too much anxiety.

i wish there was a lot more discussion on the anxiety reddit. there is 10% of the talk as there is on the relships. but anxiety CAUSES SO much trouble with relships, with life in general. well, for men at least. women can still have anxiety and get Rels and Jobs because they are the supply. they are very much in demand. men will bend over backwards to Help Women. thats just the way it is. accept it. dont get MAD about it and complain that its UNFAIR. its really NOT, because women get pregnant. now it might be unfair that women arent AWARE of this, and its definitely infuriating. and it IS fair for you to get angry about that, hahahahahahahaha.

WE HAVE NO RECORD OF THAT.

another great it is what it is, not our problem, oh well, youre screwed, deal with it type statement you can give to your customers.

im not saying youre lying, but youre lying. we have no record of that. not because were incompetent.

so youre telling me that my wireless card is just gonna keep disconnecting every single day, and the only way to “FIX” it is to restart my computer 10 times a day, repeatedly run network troubleshooting 10 times a day, and just WAIT when i lose internet for 10 minutes at a time every day and have to tell my paying customers, sorry, you have to wait 10 more minutes before the computer can take your money. nope we cant give you a discount either because budget. gotta cut costs goy. no refunds, no exchanges, no discounts, no service, no guarantees, all sales are final.

some people hate sitting in TRAFFIC. but you know whats even WORSE? actually being at work and having to deal with those callers and customers and tasks! traffic is EASY!!!!! its a NO BRAINER!!!! you just sit there and wait and move verrrrrryyyyyy sloooooooooowly. you already know how to HANDLE it. you dont need to make 1000 flashcards and study every night on how to deal with heavy traffic. its simple, its not complicated, its a 1+1 math problem.

meanwhile every phone call is a fookin Calculus 5 story problem where they bitch at you to explain why on every step, and youre not doing this fast enough, and dont you know what youre doing, why cant i speak to someone who knows what theyre doing, nobody in your department ever knows what theyre doing! isnt this your JOB????

so yeah i hate that. it is very nerve wracking, anxiety provoking.

now, anxiety was not a big problem for me for a good long while, from like 2010 to 2013. i was working an easy job, handling that, i wasnt anxious and nervous. i was grumpy and angry and hateful sure, but not anxious. 2014, 2015 were huge anxiety years, carried over into 2016 as well.

but it was nice to go several full YEARS without as much anxiety. but then it comes back for YEARS again. damn.

We have no record of this. Please reboot your computer and wait 10 minutes before attempting to use your cash register or office computers. Discounts/refunds must be approved by CEO, or create a Cash Drawer Shortage so your manager can fire you for stealing. Hope This Helps!

was this because i was working at a failing company, and everybody knew it was failing? (except for people who just listened to music all day and said idk go with the flow lol idk) the customers, the managers, the nonmanagers, the field, the support, everybody with half a brain?

when your customer says, this is DISGRACEFUL service, and you say, yeah i agree, but there’s nothing i can do here. i am the manager. policies. ill get in trouble. we cant just give discounts away. our company will go out of business. and then it goes out of business anyway through a combination of giving away discounts, bad service, low quality, high prices.

whos supposed to be doing this, because i dont know how to do this. oh im supposed to be doing this? says who? let me speak to their manager. oh theyre not in. you have one manager for 5 locations. ok whos the acting manager. nobody. ok whos the smartest person there. oh he’s not in. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON WHO IS THERE RIGHT NOW. hes in a meeting. ok, then who is the smartest who is in the building, who is not in a meeting, who can talk to me right now? nobody, were all on the phone with customers. i am literally the only person who can help you, and i dont know what im doing.

ok who has the most seniority/experience. oh this whole office/location is new. ive only been here a month and all the managers have only been here 2 weeks. NOBODY knows what theyre doing. so we call people for help, and THEY dont know what theyre doing.

sheeeeit times like this i need to get out of the house. i did apply for one job thank god, a military civ job. only took 16 minutes. well when you ONLY put 16 minutes or 15 minutes into a app, thats a good GUARANTEE that you will never get an interview! hahahahaha. you should be spending at LEAST an hour on every app, really fine tuning it to each job hahahaha.

anyway i have decided to go to the store today and get a white dress shirt that fits me a bit better than the one i usually wear for interviews, which is too big.

later

ok did that. felt the need to get out of house and DO something, not just complain in here, and force myself to apply for Jobs. and not “just” go for a walk, but DO something, anything i needed to do, like get a white dress shirt that fits better, or go buy laundry detergent for the home. going for a walk is fine, i need to lose weight (not really, but i do WANT to!) but i wanted to Baby Step Do Something today.

went to burlington for the shirt. we had a majority white town thank GOD but burlington in the middle of the afternoon is NOT majority white. there were a ton of blacks and especially arabs there. some asians.

the arabs in my town, you wouldnt have to worry about them joing ISIS, but they might be contenders for drug dealing and Raping White Gurls. but i dont think they are too islamic. they just speak arabic and haggle with cashiers at burlington and grope women and probably like to drink which is absolutely haram. smoke hookahs all day and watch soccer.

got some diet coke because i was curious to mix it with my coffee.

rejection emails that reference requisition numbers that DO NOT MATCH WITH the requisition numbers stated on the taleo site! it gives a 7 digit number, and all the req numbers i see are 6 digit! so i cant even match it up with a job on my spreadsheet for certain, because i recorded the 6 digit req number!!!!!! so i dont know which admin assistant job i was rejected for!

or you take 10 minutes to apply for a job (contingent (casual) job no less) and only when youre DONE does it tell you the job has expired. thanks NEWTON ATS.

wewlad. finally got in muh 3 apps for the day. so much shit is coming up expired. or i already applied to it but couldnt figure out if i had or not. felt like it took forever. much longer than the 42 minutes it should have taken hahahaha.  in fact it took 46 minutes hehehehehehe.

kirkland vodka. apparently critics say its better than gray goose and also way cheaper.

that basically all kirkland booze is high quality and reasonably priced.

i just thought that was kinda funny. as a guy who used to drink fooking near-bottom shelf canadian whiskey like canada house and rich and rare and royal canadian and CANADIAN HUNTER hahahaha. i couldnt even drink something good like VO or Crown Royal. once in a while i did canadian club hahahahaha.

Rich and Rare was probably the best quality for a low price, shameful booze, and candian hunter was the most BADASS……but not really the best quality. I cant not recommend the Rich And Rare though. got EPIC drunk off of that shit.

actually R&R was pricier than royal canadian.

i really dont know how i got into drinking steel reserve tho. BAD idea. i mean why not just drink lots of regular beer like miller lite. well, i did that too!

maybe get some kirkland weed hahahahahahahahahahaha. well im sure if they had some, it would be good.

i guess Kirkland Shirts are pretty good. not sure about pants hahaha. get some nice Kirkland Jeans hahahahaa.

10 thousand word post. this is definitely top 5% length folks.  just ridiculous.

get a kirkland wife hahahaha. kirkland mail order bride.

ya know i am not interested in a mail order bride at all. even a white one. maybe when i am 45 – 50 i will be hehehehe.

ok moved some of this long post to the previous post to match the lengths a little bettter.

i mean i just want to get a LOT of MJ right now. like a 4th or half ounce! like 100 dollars of MJ i would buy right now. i mean im thankful to have that kind of money, but thats what happens when you are a neet who didnt have a ton of expenses and saved most of their money when they were working.

are there any neets who ARENT virgins?

well probably. what i mean is there any neets who are getting secs from nonhookers at the time of their neetness? or even has a gf? neets with a gf? dont make me laugh hahahaha.

ate way too much at dinner again. went over limit of 1200 for the day.

now i CAN get all the way up to 1500 and not GAIN weight. ie 1500 is muh BMR. well i got to like 1450 today.

lesson: if your one Big Meal is a huge meal at a restaurant, that will put you well above 1200 unless you do a LOT of ezercise that day. like 500 calories at least. which some people can do in 30 minutes of running. not me. takes a solid hour of dam jogging.

sheeeeeeeeeeeit well i found the company THAT WOMAN works for and it is pretty damn close to muh house. well i saw a posting from the company on indeed and looked at it, then looked up the location of the company. it was about 2 or 3 miles from muh house.  thankfully i never go that way.

well i am now mad that she gets a job that is close to her home, closer than the last one. and that she can handle taking help desk calls.

well maybe she cant! maybe they put her on phones and she flipped the fook out because she’s not used to phones.

and it doesnt matter! it just sucks that i still think about her at all!

because i havent found a good REPLACEMENT for the positive stuff i got from her. namely a good connection with a decent woman, a real rel. its easy to have casual secs (well, not for me) but its HARD to have a real rel. real rels are inherently noncasual. they are long term. it is HARD to replace that shit.

and i am not happy at myself, that i looked up the exact location of the company. but i saw the company randomly on indeed, without searching for it, saw it was located in a city near mine which is a small city with nothing but machine shops (and i should really get a job at one of those, but then i might see her hahahahaha) and i was surprised that this type of company was in that city, THEN i looked up the exactly location, which, because it was in this small city, was OF COURSHE going to be close to me.

THEORETICALLY she could stop at the huge grocery store near here, to or from going to her job, and i could see her at the store, because this is the grocery store nearest to my home, and i go there regularly. was there today.

this is what happens 15 months after someone you never even fooked or dated dumps you hahahahaha.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

heh i applied to an Entry Level Data Entry job which ive applied to this same job 3 or 4 times. it just keeps appearing and appearing. i apply and apply. it gets hundreds of applicants every time. why keep opening it. very fishy. this time i totally forgot to change the name of the company from my previous cover letter. (i did change it the first time its mentioned, in the first paragraph, but forgot to do the second time, in the third paragraph.) sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit. now i am probably on a blacklist and should never apply to that job again. its disgraceful they even post the job so often. i am sure there si high turnover, lots of blacks. why cant they call me!!!!!!!!

yeah but i want a company that posts jobs rather than never posts jobs, right? even if they already HAVE all the candidates they could possibly need????

that feel when you get to 5 jobs in 1 day for the first time in a while because youve been getting discouraged and slowing down, then find out 1 of those is DEFINITELY disqualified because you made that stupid mistake.

thing is, they probably wouldnt even really care.

i hate that dumb blacks can get these jobs just because they dont have Anxiety HAHAHAHAHAHA no i am just partly kidding. its not because of Anxiety that i dont get these jobs, because i hide the anxiety FAIRLY well on interviews and fake my way as being MOSTLY normie with a normie level of interview anxiety. but it is very true that blacks have less anxiety than whites. its just the way they are wired. so they can aggressively grab women by the pvssy and impregnate as many women as possible in a total r selection strategy. and the women love it.

 

.045 BATTING AVERAGE

sept 26

heh. ok took some nyquil. did a 3.6 mile powerwalk. now a chili diet is GREAT because you feel very full and its really not a lot of calories, so you could easily lose weight eating only chili. beef and beans.  but it hits your stomach like a brick and puts you in a coma and you feel like you always have to Poop even if youre not actually pooping. and then wake up in the middle of the night and poop hhahahaha.

ok. got to get one job app done today before i get in too much of a coma!

wewlad got contacted for The Big 20th Interview at 441 jobs. brings me to 1/22 average here. 1 interview for every 22 applications. in baseball terms that is a .045 batting average hahahahaha.

but yeah i have been in a SLUMP lately, a COLD STREAK, so this is kinda good. but now i worry i will be RUSTY and therefore not do so good on this interview.

well, just dont schedule 2 interviews for 1 day ever again hehehehe.

this is for a large ass company who sometimes has TV commercials. its a fortune….550 company hahahahaha.

1.5% revenue LOSS but a profit GAIN? how does that work?

anyway this job has to do with fire safety department, i guess extinguishers and sprinklers maybe? inspection and service.

and i have a damn written test TONIGHT for the 15 dah pt city job. 15 dah is great, but pt and no bennies sucks. it probably sucks so much that you should not have a damn 2 hour written test. HOW MANY PEOPLE are really applying for this? well there were about 30 people for the wirtten test for the other city job a few months ago!

awww sheeeeit i gotta bring my own PENCILS???? they had pencils last time. so they will print out 500 sheets of paper for the test but not pencils. ok. making 30 people come in at this one time. when they could have done the whole thing online. but then there would prob be more applicants. so its worth it for them to print 600 pages of paper……but NOT supply pencils hahahaha.

heh i wish high schools taught the skills you actually need in jobs. like “DECIPHERING priorities” being dumped on you by 10 different people. and communicating in tough situations and making decisions where you dont have information, and you dont know who has the information, and you dont know how to get the information, to fix a broken system where the customer knows more about the system than you, and are demanding an explanation for something you dont understand and have never seen.

this should all be in high school, NOT spending MONTHS reading SHAKESPEARE. come on. shakespeare? really? i am not dissing shakespeare but really its fooking USELESS. let stupid english majors in college read shakespeare. im not even denying that he was a smart white writer.

now annoyed because literally 10 flies are now in the house buzzing around when earlier in the day, there were NONE. i mean what the hell am i supposed to think? to go from 0 to 10 in just a few hours?

and when you have a TON of flies in the house like this, its like, what filth is rotting away in here?

in certain regions there are different kinds of flies. like in rural areas there are a ton of flies, but they do not seem to signify filth the same way these flies do. i would strongly wager they are diff species of flies.

i mean its distracting and annoying and i have killed at least 5 or 6 so far and theres several more. i had the door open for a few seconds but i didnt see any flies fly in, let alone 10.

so stupid and retarded.

well, her job is not some fancy high status masters degree senior level career job, its just really FUN and she LUVS it, and he is an Unemployed Bum.

ok. did muh 15 pushups today. did 2 job apps. making some headway on getting rid of these flies. did some cleaning around the house. got written job test in a few hours. not even gonna prepare. cant really.

so now you need to know your LOVE LANGUAGE because of this stupid fad book, and know your womans luv language, and manage a way so that you can communicate with her, and do all the heavy lifting there, or else youre the bad guy who pushes her away and deserves to be dumped because you didnt jump through all the hoops and do all the heavy lifting and all the hard work and all the effort.

i dont know what my luv language is. i am very cuddly and affectionate WHEN I like the person, but before then, i am cold and aloof and distant. it takes a long time and or somebody very special to get over The Wall.  and then when they do, i smother them with affection and attention and stalking and neediness hahahaha.

do i do gifts or actions? i havent really been with somebody long enough to do any thoughtful gift giving beyond basic bitch buying them dinner hahahaha then get dumped shortly after hahahaha.  but the few times i did buy gifts for women i had known for a while, i tried to make them really nice and good and that they would like them.

i mean you have to have an at least medium term rel before you start buying making meaningful GIFTS for them! so i did that a LITTLE for woman2012, did that a little for woman2015. maybe they dumped me because i didnt get them enough gifts and with enough meaning hahahaha. no jk.

heh. 1 job is INFINITELY more than 0 jobs.

2 jobs is only TWICE as much as 1 job ahahahahahahahahahahahah.

therefore,

https://www.google.com/search?q=Five+Geek+Social+Fallacies&rlz=1C1NHXL_enUS687US687&oq=Five+Geek+Social+Fallacies&aqs=chrome..69i57&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

sheeeeeeeeit.

yeah well “OSTRACISM” is wrong if you just freeze someone out with no communication. but yeah it is okay to tell someone “i dont want to hang out any more.” but i wouldnt call that “OSTRACISM.”

http://www.plausiblydeniable.com/opinion/gsf.html

setp 28

sheeeeeeeit man. so i went to the written test for the part time city job. 15 hourly. one time only. well, i found out they actually had a second session. there were 33 people here. wow. ranged from attractive 8/10 23 year old gurls, to 60 year old men and women. learned there were 3 positions filling. did not know that. that was good news. that gives me a better chance. but i did HORIBLE on the test!

because half of it was goddamn accounting questions: do a bank reconciliation problem. do a cash disbursements journal problem. which are increased and decreased by debits, which accounts are increased and decreased by credits. law of debits and credits.

this is ALL accounting 101 stuff, and I took accounting 101 and got a A+. over 6 years ago. then i never used this knowledge again. so i recognized these words but completely forgot what they meant, and certainly couldnt remember enough to get the questions right!

was very frustrated and angry, because i USED to know this stuff and years ago would have done very well! I could definitely relearn it fairly quickly. but right now I dont remember shit.

heh. i can give you oficial transcripts showing you i got 4.0 in accounting 1 AND accounting 2!  I USED to know all this stuff. i would have loved to get an entry level accounting clerk job, but you gotta have a CPA and 5 years of experience to do this hhahahaha.

https://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+do+cash+disbursement+journal&rlz=1C1NHXL_enUS687US687&oq=how+to+do+cash+dis&aqs=chrome.3.69i57j0l5.6872j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

https://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+do+bank+reconciliation&rlz=1C1NHXL_enUS687US687&oq=how+to+do+bank+re&aqs=chrome.0.0j69i57j0l4.5123j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

ok so learn how to do it then so i can bs about it in a future interview hehehehe

ooooh just got invited to a phone interview/screening for a….12 dah job i applied to OVER 3 MONTHS AGO. it is not even on Muh Spreadsheet. I thought I got rejection email. shit i DID get a rejection email on APRIL 12!!!!!!

so they probably hired someone, they didnt learn fast enough and were fired or panicquit, or they werent happy with 12 bucks an hour, or they died of a fentanyl laced heroin overdose hahahahahahahahahahaha or bludgeoned to death by their black boifran tyrone hahahaha. what a sense of humor. ladies, im single hahahahaha.

and so now they are going to their second string in the pool. WELP its better than putting out another posting and getting 1000 NEW people in the pool, like that trucking company does. i have stopped applying for the damn position. (maybe its a test, they are checking to see if you apply for it FIVE TIMES and THEN they call you. so since i stopped at 3 or 4, they wont call me.)

but this place is a well reputed credit union and they are super close to home if its the branch im thinking of. want to find out how much customer contact it is of course. also i dont think this place gets ROBBED too much.

SOMEBODY DISCONNECTED FROM ME ON LINKEDIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i cant figure out who it is. maybe one of the people that requested me who i dont even know in real life, just because i am desperate for linkedin connections hehehehe.

had weird dream where i was watching “a david lynch film” which is similar to when i am watching a “lars von trier film” in a dream, usually means I am about to see some FOOKED UP SHIT like a full blown NIGHTMARE.

There was some shit with nazis and hitler having an orgy that also included gay sex.

there was a part where i was living in a house in a trashy area of town. the house was kinda falling apart but it was big and could be fixed up nice. i was waiting for a call from Woman2 because i was desperate to hang out with her, because she was super cute, young, and she showed a lot of interest in me. this is pretty much how i felt when I first met her. when she was super cute, super young, and was the first gurl who was THAT interested in me. I was so excited that I thought I might finally get muh first GF. really she just wanted to have chill fun and see where things went, and she quickly determined she did not want to Date Me. a few quick secsual sessions and making out and cuddling, yeah its fun, but uh oh looks like he’s getting feelings and wants to turn this into something. NOPE.

i guess that is her right to not want a rel, but I was still hurt hehehehe.

also she was a j00 and as of now, i would never want to be in a serious rel with a joo. casual sex maybe. but long term rel? HELL NO.

anyway in the dream i went upstairs to the second floor where i never went, and in a bedroom in the bed there was laying some random dead woman. it looked like a huge gaping hole was in her crotch area and all her insides had been removed. absolutely horrifying. soon after i found a bunch more dead women, similarly mutilated. there had to be like at least 10 dead women up there.

so yeah that was what made the dream really nightmarish. i forced myself to wake up and stay awake for a few minutes just so i wouldnt go back into that dream! and i dont think i did.

kinda weird to have a dream about woman2, but not TOO weird, and much better than dreaming about woman2015! that woman!

heheheh i hate that feel when you think oh i like this gurl because she doesnt wear a lot of makeup or dress like…well, not necess a “skank” or a “whore”, but a High Maintenance Princess who wants to look Classy Sexy to Powerful Men, with expensive dresses, high heels, jewelry, all that shit. a high class whore hahahahaha.

but thats only because she never invites you to those events where she dresses like that. she seems like a total girl next door to you, then one day you randomly see her Dressed Up like a woman who knows how to get what she wants, and you are shocked and a little disappointed, because you thought she had no idea of how to dress like that.

how often does she dress like that? in ways to wrap powerful men around her little finger? probably more than you will ever know. she knows exactly how to manipulate powerful men to get the high quality resources she wants. money, status, vacations, clothes, cars, careers, houses, power.

sheeeeeit. rejected for casual/contingent no benefits job with FEDGOV.

sheeeeeit. looking at the HR woman who invited me to phone interview and she is very well regarded, decent college, AND has a mba-LIKE degree that I really dont understand the difference between this an an MBA, but a lot successful people have this particular degree. she is not some stupid 22 year entry level HR ditz in other words, but a smarter, masters degree, 35 year old HR bossgrrl. be very afraid, hahahahaha.

i hate it when these women ask for SPACE and then BOOM, you cant ask for any CLARIFICATION or YOURE the bad guy. come on. show some good faith. i am HAPPY to give you space if you give me some DETAILS up front, namely, here’s when the space ends, and an assurance that we will communicate about it fully. you give me space for 2 weeks, then you can call me on october 15 (specific date) AND I promise I will write you a long email by ocotber 15.

but when they just say I NEED SPACE STARTING RIGHT NOW and then xpect you to DROP EVERYTHING for them, thats fooking stupid af. IM GONNA CUT OFF ALL COMMUNICATION WITH YOU FOR AN INDEFINITE TIME

omg i ACTUALLY REPLIED:

IMHO the best way to do “space” is with clearly defined terms and time period. I don’t like when “space” is used as an excuse to avoid communication and avoid working on a mutual problem indefinitely. I think it would be a sign of good faith for the person wanting the space to also offer some sort of communication or clarification about it, like “I need some time to think, but I will contact you on [specific date] to discuss this, or I will send you a letter/email by [specific date].”
Basically, IMHO, clear communication and a clear timeframe are very important, rather than using “space” as an excuse to avoid communicating about complex problems. Unfortunately I think the odds are against you here, so it may help to try to “detach” yourself, of course that’s MUCH easier said than done. Just be careful not to push her, and respect the space as best you can, although I definitely appreciate how frustrating it is when somebody refuses to communicate with you. And also don’t lose sight of the fact that just because you have PTSD, that that means you aren’t “worthy” of a relationship, OR that you have to have that issue 100% resolved before you are “worthy.” Dealing with psychological or emotional issues is a long-term thing, and I think the ideal partner would appreciate that you are making a good-faith effort to manage your condition, rather than expecting you to be 100% “fixed.” Good luck and please keep us updated!

END REPLY

Im sure I will get downvoted by the women always right, men always wrong cuckold manhating phaggots of reddit, then feel ashamed and delete muh post.

26f has been with n=24 guys/people. she says “low twenties” so I take her at her word and assumes that means 24, which is way too damn high for me hahahahahahaha.

big suprise it comes after a raep and this is how she fees free and control again, by racking up a large number in a short time.

no im not saying she deserved getting raeped, im just saying THIS IS A BAD WAY TO DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

of course all the catladies and sluts and cuckolds of reddit think a womans number doesnt matter, and any guy who thinks it does is immature, creeper, insecure, doesnt deserve a rel until he LEARNS.

“20 is not THAT high of a number” ???!?!?!?!? ARE YOU FOOKING KIDDING ME????!?!?!?!

like this one polyamorous nerd slut says, “SEX IS COMPLICATED!!!!!”

and i would totally agree with that. complicated as in the different emotions and beliefs and situations and attached meaning of the two people doing it. and i am TOTALLY entitled to my belief that its a special thing that should be TREATED as such, adn that casual secs is DEGENERATE and immoral and yucky.

but yeah. just like a woman to want space but then make NO EFFORT to communicate exactly what she MEANS by that, making YOU the bad guy when you try to figure out exactly what space means.

how about this, when you ask for space, PREPARE for the conversation like you would prepare for a test or job interview or presentation. prepare what you are going to say. write a god damn PLAN. write a damn ONE PAGE fact sheet of how long the space ends, the rules of the space, and what kind of good will YOU are gonna offer in return for this good will. dont just demand shit for free. A RELATIONSHIP IS A TWO WAY STREET.

no you dont HAVE to…..it would just be RESPECTFUL to your BF to treat him with respect and treat the rel as a two way street, not a one sided master slave thing.

these women give you these vague things and expect you to read their crazy minds. wtf. so retarded and stupid and like a retarded baby with a flamethrower hahahaha.

wewlad got muh 1 application done today. state unemployment agency job in EXTREMELY diverse area. 16 an hour, GREAT pay rate there, hard to FIND jobs that pay between 12 and 16 dollars!!!!! its always below or way above. cant find that happy medium sweet spot for entry level trash like me hahahaha.

it seems to be a BACK OFFICE job, if it were Front Office Customer Service, I would have gladly thrown it away hahaha. i mean this neighborhood is all arabs and turks and blacks and africans and asians, they are PROUD that 100 languages are spoken in the grade school. i do not want to be serving these smelly, chattering, entitled foreigners face to face. BUILD THE WALL. THEY HAVE TO GO BACK. theres probably a few mexicans and hondurans and squatemalens in there, although theres another area of town for them.

i am a DEPLORABLE racist xenophobe. THIS IS NOT NEWS! didnt you read the ABOUT page?

i do like this baby steps thing. just do ONE job app. just do 15 pushups. just walk 1 mile. just run ONE errand. but the goal is, you do several of these things. so today was successful there. I did 1 app, did 1 errand, did 15 pushups, and am about to go for 1 moderate powerwalk. honestly i use powerwalking as an EXCUSE NOT to do job search. because its so much funner.

also did some tech support around the home by figuring out how to setup wireless printer on several computers (and doing it, hehehehe.)

got at least 2 rejection emails, got 1 email asking for phone interview, got that set up for tuesday, got a real interview wednesday, not bad.

went for 2.2 mile powerwalk, it was threatening to rain. prob could and should have continued. oh well. not as disappointed as if i had not done any job apps hehehe. that is ESSENTIAL. at least do one. if you do more, great. but dont say “TODAY I HAVE TO DO 5. SHEEEEIT, I SHOULD BE DOING AT LEAST 32 IF I WANT TO BE A BARE MINIMUM BIGBOY WORKING MAN. DO LESS THAN 32, YOU DONT DESERVE A 1/10 MUDSHARK SEACOW.” that kind of Self Talk is rather discouraging hahahahaha.

THE LORD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS

setp 17 2016

reddit. i mean sometimes its ok but there are degenerates who think noods are fine, and being a slut is fine, and abortions are fine, very nihilistic and muh dick.

some of the advice is common sense and good, namely the stuff given by well adjusted, moral men, but like i say, theres this current of degeneracy that is just terrible. that says the being a promiscuous slut having casual secs is ok. that its ok to look at porn. that jealousy is always bad. that nobody has any responsibilities to anyone else. that kind of shitty consent morality type stuff. secular humanist garbage that really isnt that humanist at all!

or not judging someone who starts dating/fooking someone new 2 weeks after a breakup and just say “everybodys different.”

i mean they have no problem judging guys who are creepy or rapey or weird or controlling or abusive or manipulative or immature or whatever hahaha

 

oh deargod. white guy is thinking about leaving his white friends because they dont believe in institutional racism, and are narrow minded racists who think blacks have the same opportunities whites do. they dont believe in white privilege. therefore they are disgusting savages who must be dumped. this isnt even them going 1488 gtkrwn, moonman lynchin ingras, its “sorry, i just dont believe in white privilege bro.”

well no redpilled 1488ers here, but at least they said give these people a chance, dont dump them right away.

but yeah. so sad. white people dumping their white friends because the white friends do not kiss nonwhite ass and hate whites enough.

this all because much clearer to me once i understood the JQ. these powerful white men on top? theyre not white man. hahahaha. see the israel lobby and cultural marxism hehehehehe.

and also realize that many whites are simply pawns of the joos, like these whites spouting antiwhite antiracist crap. hand rubbing intensifies!!!!!!!! yes good goy hate your white privilege! give reparations to all those whites have disadvantaged!

ok. when i fell in luv with her, i wasnt really LOOKING. i wasnt really seriously thinking about going on okcupid and looking for damn sluts. i wasnt really thinking about meeting new women. and then one day i woke up and realize i had feelings for a woman i already knew.

well…not quite. it was a transition that took about a month. i forced myself to meditate and think about it. not avoid it. at first it felt wrong and weird. then day by day it felt less wrong and weird and day by day it felt more natural and right and good.

and now over the long term, the final analysis is that it was NOT wrong and weird, and it TOTALLY makes sense.

anyway. what else. i determined each job interview was like making a big 26000 dollar SALE. that is a pretty big deal eh? yes it damn well is. and not all of us are cut out to make big 26k sales. but we HAVE To be. because thats what getting a job is. youre selling yourself and the company is investing at least 26k in YOU.

yeah i just dont like when people think i had ulterior motives, when i didnt, but they wont let me defend myself. if youre gonna accuse me, at least let me defend myself. i expected the chance to defend myself from her.

yeah i am starting to get over it hahahah but i also dont want to really go on okcupid BUT i really SHOULD meet new women BUT i almost dont want to meet any women BUT dirty sluts because i am in a woman hating phase so i couldnt POSSIBLY appreciate even a GOOD woman!

yeah i made some mistakes but i think they were medium mistakes as opposed to huge mistakes. i guess the main thing to remember, if i ever make another female friend:

  1. tell her right away if i find her attractive or not, even if i am not super duper attracted to her, be like, yeah, TECHNICALLY, OBJECTIVELY, you are a 7/10, but i’m so fooked up i’m not attracted to anyone right now
  2.  but i could VERY POSSIBLY become attracted to you and fall in luv with you after TWO YEARS of solid friendship.
  3.  therefore, we need to revisit this topic every few months. feel free to ask me about it whenever, and i will make a point to check in every 2 or 3 months just to let you know.
  4.  also, here sign this jooish contract stating you will not get mad if i get feelings for you, and you will dump me Softly.

so yeah, i was a….coward bitchboi, but i still didnt deserve this. but also shes not an evil person and i can understand why she responded this way. the end. it just hurt me a LOT. and my feelings are valid hahahahahaha.

yeah it makes a lot more sense now. at least now if i ever become friends with a woman again, i can tell her,

“LISTEN. LOOK. HERES THE THING. I dont have any feelings for you RIGHT NOW, but that could DEFINITELY CHANGE. Because you are not a fat ugly old hambeast but a solid 7/10 hahahaha. just realize that if i start acting like i like you,a nd amd askig your to hang out with me all the time but you think im being weird and you blow me off, then yeah that’s your sign that I have started getting feelings for you.”

“I dont have any feelings for you right now, but you are young and not ugly, so, its not out of the question that I might be attracted to you if you were not in an LTR. If you break up with your Boifran then I have a 50% chance of trying to Date you. but im not gonna push you one way or the other because i dont encourage people to CHEAT, and if you wanted to Cheat with him on me, I would hatefook you and spit in your face and abandon you like the filthy cheater you are!”

hahahaha.

well….what i would do is call their cuck BF, tell them the GF was a cheating bitch and you should dump this bitch right now, and THEN I would fook her, get vidya of it, and use the woman as a hatefook dumpster for about 10 fooks until i started feeling too degenerate about it.

no ideally i would say god damn you to hell you traitorous evil bitch and spit on her and walk away and NOT fook her.

guy is stonewalling a gurl. reddit says stonewalling is bad

so sad, he is 30 and has never kissed a gurl yet, so of course women get weirded out when he hasnt fooked them within a month and he is making a big deal out of this whole first kiss thing….

WELL NO FOOKING SHIT ITS A BIG DEAL TO HIM BITCH, HE’S 30 AND NEVER KISSED A GURL!!!!!!!

SO IT IS A BIG DEAL TO HIM!!!! RESPECT THAT!!!!!!!!

yeah its weird but he seems to be doing allright. no major issues, stable adult, not a ton of despair or shit.

sept 19

found this guy on linkedin i used to work with at the horrible job. he was a “newer” guy but he was really sharp and smart and picked it up really fast. charming, smart white man. he did degen things like go to electronic music festivals and take ecstasy and acid there and probably bang sluts. i immediately thought he would be charming enough to bang That Woman. i dont think he did, and of course that was just my insecurity. bottom line is, he was a smart and very capable guy worthy of a more than 15 an hour job.

i randomly see his linkedin and see that he worked as a temp contract for this one company that ive been meaning to apply for the job, and he describes it as basic data entry (awesome) where he was a top performer and instructed by management to help train people to do their job better. there was a possibility to make it a temp to perm, BUT he got passed up because he had only been there 3 months. and i believe it was the perm job I saw on indeed and wanted to apply for.

why didnt he apply for the perm job? Im sure he did, and thats when they told him, sorry, you havent been here long enough, even though youre the top performer.

ok. so that means they never planned to hire externally. which is good. why not promote someone. or in this case, temp to perm.  and i am a fan of promoting from within. and yes seniority does mean something to me.

but i wish they wuld have found a way to keep him on because he is very capable and deserves a bigboy job. his big career objective is just to become a damn tier 2 already because he is sick of being tier 1 support. answering stupid calls in a call center. 1 year at our place, 4 years at goddamn COMCAST, he should be made a SAINT for that. GOD DAMN. all he wants to do is get off tier 1 phones. and he is more than deserving.  but noooooooo.  thats too much for a smart white boy to ask. also he has very good people skills.

now i didnt trust him because i saw him as direct competition for That Woman, and also I think he is a Recovering Autist who probably made a conscious effort to become so Charming, and i am jealous of people who have actually succeeded in that struggle, where i have failed hahaha.

i have been looking for some fresh funeral doom metal and esoteric might be good. i have heard about them for 20 years (well, maybe 15 hahahaha) but never actually listened to them.

anyway. that guy deserves a decent job off the phones but i hate how women can Spread So Easy for someone with just a little bit of charm. well, he was kinda handsome too. there should be a law hahahaha. dont spread for a man until you have known him a YEAR. they say the Mask Slips after a year hehehehe.

heh my mask didnt slip. i didnt have ulterior motives. i just got a new mask hahahaha. no i was never wearing a mask with her. my FACE changed. damn. and she can go spread her coont for charming handsome men from tinder. i bet this guy is on tinder hahahaha.

but damn 4 years answering phones at comcast, he’s entitled to anything he wants after that living hell.

but yeah should give this one a fair chance too, of course im familiar with the name for the past 10 years or more hahaha.

yeah i just hate not knowing what to do, and the people who do know are too busy to really help you, and push you to figure it out, which all wouldnt be so bad if you had some actual time and didnt have the person waiting on hold for you to explain the shit to them!

contacted to do a written test for part time city job which pays 15 an hour and i would LOVE to get.

so stupid though. there is only one chance to take the test. they get like 20-30 people in a room to take the test all at once. people have lives and families. you can schedule an interview, why cant you schedule the test. it REALLY smacks of making people jump through obviously pointless hoops. i hope they are not promising somebody else this job and REALLY making us al jump through hoops even more than i am thinking!

thing is, i already went through TWO testing sessions with city HR for another very very very similar job. a 4 hour written test session with 2 tests that were very similar. another 2 hour session on word and excel. 2 or 3 interviews, i cant even remember. and still nothing.

why cant they use my “scores” from those previous tests and just call me in for a fookin INTERVIEW?

when in the end, even if i get an interview, theyll be like, oh yeah dont pick him, he’s got a long gap.

but i am damn sure counting this as .5 of an interview to add to my count there!

the only thing that could make this stupider is if they are interviewing for an ELIGIBILITY LIST for Possible Jobs in the Future. I recall there was an actual goddamn posting.

but what did the posting say…….

oh fuggggg. it does say that. it is for a goddamn eligibility list. that lasts for 2 years. well at least its 2 years and not 6 months hahahahaha.

maybe GOD is calling me to be permanently unemployed just as he is calling me to never have a white waifu and white children.

maybe GOD is calling me to have a nonwhite waifu and nonwhite children!!!!!

because we know GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS!!!!!!!!

that would be SO BAD though. Why cant GOD respect the white race? there are other God Worshippers who are able to be pro-white! AYO HOL UP! R U TELLIN ME GOD isn’t actually pro-white?

that would suck!

 

heheheh his family and friends still like his ex gf AND the other man and dont care that she cheated on him with the other man. i hope reddit doesnt tell him to “just get over it you controlling jealous abuser” because this literally is stupid and offensive hahaha.

thankfully reddit agreed, yes this bitch is evil, give your family an ultimatum and tell them to stop being friends with her.

you never know with reddit.

this funeral doom sounds bretty good

just got into the mood for some slow funeral doom, no excuses no apologies. but i want it to be kinda pure. like no black metal in there. not ruling out the desire for funeral doom with a touch of black metal. see: abyssmal sorrow? something like that. warning: might have drum machine, i HATE drum machines in metal. also this band lycus. def no drum machine there.

i mean it might be time to break out the EVOKEN hahahaha.

i remember when i was in high school first finding out about black metal and doom metal, EVOKEN were a new and exciting band, and i was on board with them before “quietus” came out, IE 15 years + ago hahahaha. then i lost track of them.

music schmusic who cares really. i wonder what these guys do for work hahahaha. probably make 70k a year in skilled trades hahahaha and have 3 kids apiece, nice white wives. WELL GOOD FOR THEM.

then they shouldnt abandon their families to be in a metal band, EVEN IF they are in one of the Best Current Funeral Doom Metal Bands.  not even Good Music is worth abandoning families over.

but they only do 1 album every 4 years. maybe they dont abandon their families.

well, i hope not.

heh. once i wrote a review of either “quietus” or “embrace the emptiness”, one of my tryhard 10,000 word reviews, and the band liked it and put it on their website. that was pretty neat. this was no later than 2001 hahaha.

so evoken if you are reading this, NEVER ABANDON YOUR FAMILIES. TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN. BE GREAT FATHERS TO THEM. retire from the band if it ever becomes an either or thing.  your childrens well being is worth more than any DOOM METAL.

says a guy who likes doom metal and has been an evoken fan for 17 years hahahahahahaha. i get it. if anyone gets it, i do, hahahaha. i love black metal and some doom metal hehehehe.

but you know what i luv more than black metal and doom metal?

HUHWHYTE FAMILIES!!!!!! WHITE WAIFUS AND WHITE CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!!!

So yeah I really dont WANT God to call me to be single & childless OR have a nonwhite waifu OR nonwhite children.

i took a 50% dose of nyquil hhehehehe

got 3 job applications in today and 6.8 miles of powerwalking. netcalories of 1044 with goal of 1200. so ok i guess it was good day right. welp would have liked to do more job apps or gotten more calories off. but when you want to do BOTH, i guess its not too bad. really the more important thing is job. i should stop trying to lose weight. but would easing up on that REALLY improve my job search THAT much? i dunno.