CHAD HOEST

mar 25

had dream about woman i like in  2007 or 8. she was very attractive and young but was a fatherless bipolar mudshark. good riddance. well shes been with the same mud guy now for like 2 years, thats not typical of muds fooking white gurls. shit im surprised shes capable of being with 1 man without dumping him for 2 years. i dont want the desperate thirsty man who is willing to settle for poor damaged me for the long term, better dump him.

anyway shes not a terrible person and in the dream she was being nice and interested in me, smiling at me, hanging out with me one on one, even grabbing muh d under the table. i was like well this is nice, cant wait to get you home and fook you like an animal several times in one night. i was totally enchanted just by her hanging out with me, looking at me, smiling and laughing and being flirty towards me. its not rocket science.

then i lost track of her and could not find her and was like OH SHIT that was a SURE THING and now I am gonna LOSE MUH CHANCE.

but yeah even if she is a crazy mudshark shes not a terrible person and i would have totally dated her and probably fallen in full luv with her if she had any interest in me. she was interested in being friendly with me for a few weeks, so that was enough for me! unfort she had a LOT of male friends and was always making new friends. VERY social. bad news. i was nothing special.  and i am sure i remember her a lot more than she remembers me, like 9 fookin years later. oh well. at least she looks older now.  but still totally bangable. and she is way more successful than me hahaha. and fooks negros. falls in LUV with negros. i mean thats pretty damning.

i dont need to say she was a huge slut ever since the age of 20 at least. becuase she was hahahaha.

and to think. many guys got to live out my dream of her being interested in them, then they got to fook her, then they probably got “too” interested in her, then she said UGH why are all these thirsty guys always falling in LUV with me, im not that luvable, then gave them the cold shoulder, fooked tons more guys, and only fell in luv with darkies, and still became way more successful than me hahahaha.

but yeah she’s not a terrible person. i wish her father were better to her and she had turned out better and had dated me hahahaha. then i never would have met That Woman.

you can probably get more than one oneitis in your life……but its way harder when you are older than 30 and looking at older women. it happens most readily when you are young and the women are young. then it happens maybe 3, 5 times and you better marry one of those gurls. doesnt help if they have no interest in you whatsoever hahaha.

anyway it was interesting to get a dream where a qt young gurl was being flirty with me and it felt good man, like do ALL NORMIES REALLY experience this in real life?

i actually experienced it with 2 women in my own life! 12 and 13 years ago hehehe. so i KNOW its real and not a myth.

i claim that its NOT weird to get attached to a person after you FOOK them, or even youve been making out with them. these things are supposed to generate bonding chemicals of oxytocin. so Thots who casually suck and fook, cant make oxytocin any more, cant get attached to any man. well except maybe THE MOST alpha, who already has His Choice of women throwing themselves at him.

also dont be captain save a child if the childs mother is a Ho and you are involved with her hahahaha. some men play captain save a ho and the ho has a young child that the white knight man gets attached to and wants to save the child along with the mother.

its ok to save the child, just ignore the mother tho. send the mother to a handmaids tale like breeding camp where she can breed white babies but not fook them up.

kinda shitty to have hwyte kids if youre just gonna fook them up. its very frustrating. you might ALMOST not have the kids at all if youre just gonna set them up to fail. but no abortions of hwyte babies. send the hwyte babies to a hwyte person who can take care of them. to a captain save a ho type man. give him a child to save instead. and he can continue to bang hos and thots. away from the childs eyes of course.

laid down cuz felt tired, didnt really Nap though. watching “mutiny on the bounty” with marlin brando from like 1961 and the hwytes are RACE MIXING like crazy with the tahitian THOTS. the captain should be condemning this race mixing abomination.

anyway point is, if some 20 year old girl with a healthy body is throwing herself at you, you conveniently forget about race. i probably even would too. but yeah i dont want to watch a movie from the 60s and see RAMPANT race mixing!

yeah yeah i get it, they are SAILORS, fine. i just smh when i see hwyte men getting YELLOW FEVER. pretty PATHETIC.

besides, what they dont say enough is that these gurls are huge sluts who treat EVERY guy like this. you think she’s gonna be faithful to YOU? or are you a degenerate who doesnt care if your woman is faithful? or hwyte?

well these men have been working hard like slaves on the sea and they are just looking for a little tenderness and now they are finally getting it. doesnt make race mixing RIGHT but i cant say id do differently in their position. id probably K muh self after 2 days on the SHIP!!!!!

like this guy chip gaines and his Triracial wife on the hit show fixer upper. he seems like a good man but seriously very very very GOOFY which probably made it harder for him to get a hwyte woman. so he gets with this….lets just call her asian woman. i know she is ASIAN, ARAB, and something else, maybe mexican. she is in good shape, very healthy weight, and has nice hair, and i would bang her too if i were a desperate thristy slave on board a ship. or right now, after 12 years of thirst hahahahaha. 12 years a thirsty slave.

but rather than pump and dump her, he fell in LUV with her and millions of people including me are watching the show. now thank god their kids look a lot whiter than she does and could prob PASS for whyte. shit you know i think the third race in her IS whyte. white, asian, and arab. i looked it up once hahahaa.

so that makes the kids 67% white. hmmmm. not quite good enough. POOR KIDS!!!! SAD!

only in a thoroughly jooed world would it make sense to have SECS with a person and NOT get ATTACHED to them.  this is EXACTLY how the joos DESTROY OUR race, by destroying the FAMILY, destroying CHILDREN, destroying relships between men and women, by saying that secs is casual and doesnt NECESSITATE ATTACHMENT.

every time you have casual secs, the J rubs his hands.

every time you don’t condemn casual secs, you murder your own race. just throw it into the oven.

LOVE YOUR RACE.

MJ has been less disappointing to me than WOMEN. BY FAR. the women always leave and break muh heart. the MJ, i pretty much know what I’m getting, and it works as intended. i use it to fulfill a similar role as women: to get warm fuzzies, a sense of romance and transcendence and The Sublime and The Beautiful.

and it more or less WORKED! its honestly an effective reinforcement. like a dog getting a treat. pavlovs dogs drooling for their treat. the only thing that can come close to TRAINING and CONDITIONING me like that is a Special QT young Woman who I Like, and its WAY easier to find MJ than to find a woman like THAT. even right now. when MJ is very slim pickins. likable women are even slimmer hahahaha.

they say romance books and bullshit like 50 shades of gray are porn for women, which i can see the point, but it misses a HUGE point of what pornography is. namely, 50 shades of gray is not even 1% as filthy, degenerate, destructive as the hardcore vidya porn for men, where real women are destroyed, degraded and abused to the delight of the jooz, where pathetic men who will never get a woman beat off to it bitterly.

in 50 shades of gray, real women arent being destroyed gaping their assholes for black bulls on camera. there’s just some fantasy of being seduced by a powerful manly man. nothing new there. so theres some very LIGHT fetishism. i’m surprised its not MORE jooish. and when it gets more jooish – like the degen filth produced to emasculate MEN – then i’ll get worried. until its used as a weapon to destroy people, you cant call it “pornography.” you can call it retarded, low brow jooish (((entertainment))) though!

how WOULD you make something like pornography for women though? basically, women can ALWAYS reproduce. i guess the more destructive thing would be entertainment that blatantly promotes casual secs, polyamory, polyandry, and even still, its not like women Dildo Themselves to Sex and The City or Cuckold Porno. and even if they did, they would still reproduce. but they would be ruined children for sure. not that many of them aren’t.

but yeah honestly i don’t think you CAN make something as bad for women as bad as actual porn has been for men. something like “GIRLS” by digusting pig lena dunham is the closest thing, and that is over and done with. women liked that show for 2 years at most. then it went out of favor and lena went too far even for the joos and people are like yeah shes a little weird. GIRLS was bad and promotes the worst kind of women, but its still not nearly as bad as porno for men.

yeah the worst thing for women would be much complex things than “just porno”: stuff like ABORTION and FEMINISM basically and everything related to that. it all contributes to the idea of sexual liberation, culture of casual sex, disposability of human life, etc etc.

outlaw pornography and outlaw abortion. this would go a good way to changing the culture. outlaw no fault divorce. oh but muh freedoms, there should be no laws, no gummint. no this is not a libertarian website hahahahaha. we believe in law and order, for the protection of the fascist nation and our fascist hwyte race. laws to keep out da jooz. theyve been kicked out of 200 countries. i wonder why. because goys hate the poor jooz. the poor innocent victims that never did anything to get banned from 200 countries in 2000 years.

i guess tinder would be like porn for women to. give them a platform to HAVE casual sex and to make their OWN porno pictures and videos with the guys they casually fook like sluts.

but yeah life is a COMPETITION. FIERCE competition. for women, and for jobs.

heh. its funny though. it was easier for me to get into a Highly Selective University than it was to get an 11k a year job. WAYYYYYY easier.  I applied to like 3 universities and got accepted to them all. no i did not apply to harvard, yale, princeton, stanford, MIT, i just wasnt interested, and i prob WOULDNT have gotten in.

it was easier for me to get into a Highly Selective University at age 17 that it was to Win the Hearts of Sluts and Mudsharks.

so yeah i guess i wasnt prepared for HOW competitive the world really was. kinda wish i had just gotten rejected from that uni! i only went there because it was Highly Selective and a Really Good Name, so if i go here, i will be SET FOR LIFE, even if I do average work in a useless degree. WRONG.

anyway back from sat afternoon church, ate some dinner, took powerwalk, and gonna actually be under calorie goal for once.

anyway i guess that dream about that OTHER woman was good because it wasnt about THAT woman. but it still doesnt prove i could have feelings for a brand new unknown woman.

well, logically, if it were a young, nice, attractive woman,  i probably could. if she were about 7/10 and about 25 years old (or younger!) but as i get older, this age standard gets harder and harder to reach. also them being willing to spend time with you (one on one, not just in groups), and respond to you, and be nice to you, that can cause you to have feelings too.

so yeah i COULD. but to pull a woman that YOUNG when I am not YOUNG…that seems unlikely.

logged into my runescape game for the first time in 3 years. it looked totally different.  i then logged into “old school” which looked familiar but it had set me all the way back to the beginning. sad! i remember the game being kinda fun. now its making me type the stupid password in and wont even let me paste the long unique password i have for security. you have to type in the password every time. might as well save it as password123.

funny that the women you never forget have forgotten you like their fathers have forgotten about them. and the guys these women can’t forget have in turn forgotten about THEM.

well you know i bet their fathers havent FORGOTTEN about them. they are just too COWARD to do the right thing.

come on. was i really THAT forgettable? i dont think so. i know my male friends remembered me.

taake does a CURE cover. this sounds like a potentially good idea. havent listened yet. this is from the cure “pornography” album which is very very bleak and dark and which i imagine would be anti pornography. i guess i would have to look at the lyrics of the album to determine why they called it that.

just trying to psych myself up for his boring concert so i get my 22 dollars worth hahahahahahaha no it should be pretty good. also prepping his most recent 2 albums “stridens hus” and “noregs vaapen” which i have not listened to. in 2008 i was actually aware of taake and thought he was pretty good so i was excited about his New Self Titled Album in 2008. It turned out being very boring and underwhelming so then i stopped being so ecxcited about taake. the end. then 9 years later he came to my town and i said what the heck ill go see him. shit i cant believe i first heard taake more than 9 years ago. it doesnt seem that long ago. i certainly haven’t “been a fan” for 9 years hahahahaha.

seems like most fans agree: his 2008 s/t album was boring and uninspired, his next album noregs vaapen was a strong comeback, then his next album stridens hus was kinda lackluster again. well he never makes an album longer than 45 minutes, thats good.

this unartig usually has decent recordings of NYC shows on youtube. hear taake does a good live show. he looks like he’s into it and is not so grim he can’t interact with the fans. but not so silly he cant be grim either. i think his whole thing is to recreate classic 90s black metal. back when dissection and emperor and darkthrone and burzum and mayhem were the coolest bands ever. i am kind of this era too, not being THAT much younger than hoest, so hipster blackgaze young kids black metal still seems a little weird to me, as im sure it does to him.

i dont understand those shitty pants he is wearing though. literally the worlds most falling apart jeans. there was a photograph taken once of his D hanging out of his terribly shredded pants hahahahaha. i would just get a new pair of pants already buddy. but glad to see he hasnt gotten all fat and is still in good shape in his Late Thirties.

in 2015 he had a huge hipster beard hahahaha but in 2016 he cut it to normie length hahahaha. but seriously his long beard looked good. i cant grow a long beard like this because muh beard hairs grow in weird directions whereas his beard grows straight down and out so he can grow it long.

if you see pictures of him not looking made up or trashy or drunk but attempting to look semi presentable, he is handsome as fook and could easily pull a 20 year old 8/10 waifu. JELLY. CHAD HOEST.

mar 26

yeah actually pretty excited about this. one could do a lot worse than taake. i SHOULD be a bigger fan. i was big on metal in 1999 and 2002 when he was releasing his first big albums. i just dont recall reading about them! 2005 hordaland came out just as i was making out with a grill for the last time hahahaha but i was tuned out of metal at that time, and for a few more years after. then i came back sometime around 2008 because i remember when the taake album came out and everyone was disappointed.

but yeah. i wonder if he likes sacramentum. probably. taake should be my favorite band because they tap right into that sweet spot before black metal got young and weird, and old and boring. and never attempted to “innovate” in the embarrassing ways older bands like satyricon did. the younger bands did a LOT better job of that, shit i totally respect bands like alcest or wolves in the throne room (do they really count as younger though?) well, repsect their MUSIC I should say haha. also saor, winterfylleth, wodensthrone, 10’s UK black metal is bretty kewl, but nothing really weird about it: it is just straight up pagan heathen atmospheric BM with no funny stuff. you could say similar about taake. its bretty atmospheric, quite melodic.  the funniest he gets is occasional “black and roll” and using a banjo once which got way too much attention. well it doesnt help that he brings the banjo on tour with him to play during that one song.

yeah i am officially excited. i will relisten to the old taake albums because i have forgotten large portions of them. i will listen to the newer albums i missed entirely. i listened to the cure song today, it was ok but yeah the vocals were a miss hahahaha. would have been better off just impersonating robert smith, who has a good voice.

Image result for ørjan stedjeberg

but yeah this is what i mean, chad hoest. very handsome. a total 8.8/10 man hahahahaha. he could literally be a male model.

but it is degenerate to get an upside down cross tattoo. but i can totally understand why. he was probably drunk and 18. when i was drunk and 18 i just drew an upside down cross on my arm with a marker hahahaha. he goes and gets a permanent tattoo on his chest. SMDH.

when he is good, he is really, really, really good. he taps into the pure essence of black metal, which really covers a YUGE range of emotions. its not just “cold” or “grim” but it certainly includes those things. sorrow and beauty and nostalgia and epic and pride and and yearning and anger and hatred and angst and even romance and even some hwyte racial pride in there (but i dont expect any creators to acknowledge or even realize that last one. it still comes through implicitly. you cant escape becoming who you are, goy, hahahahahaha.)

and taake covers ALL these bases rather than just being hateful or just being depressive or just being grim, and keeps the music very dynamic, epic, interesting, hot-blooded, passionate, earnest, sincere.

except when it doesnt, then it’s just as boring as all other boring black metal.  but taake hits some very strong highs.

also hoest is a very powerful singer and has a recognizable voice.

he hangs out with some degenerates, so i hope he is less degenerate than them. i guarantee he is more degen than i would like him to be tho. he prob drinks too much, prob bangs too many dirty sluts, def has too many degen tattoos, has gone to jail, probably for drunkenly, stupidly fighting another drunk white man. (speculation). he sort of “apologized” as much as he could for the svastica incident in germany 2007.

he is an obvious narcissist who has HIMSELF on ALL of his album covers hahaha.  well a man needs to have CONFIDENCE in himself and not be a meek depressive self-loather!

would like to see video of him recording the albums. does he actually play the drums? on older abums I know he got a guest drummer.

what is his opinion on iron maiden? probably positive but what if its neutral?

does he have any illegitimate children? i could see him being a deadbeat father who leaves his bastard children with their metal/bar slut mothers so he can go on tour and bang more metal sluts. just speculation hahahaha. if he has children, i HOPE he takes care of the children. kinda hard to do when you are on tour months at a time though! which is why you should do like garth brooks and retire from touring when your kids are young. you can still play a few shows a year.

do like varg. release a string of classic albums when you are very young, then shift the focus from music to having 6 or more children.  music is a young man’s game. especially metal and black metal.

in other words, hoest should have retired from black metal in 2006 after hordaland, settled down with a NICE gurl and started having babies. how about he could get a job as a Music Teacher and still play music with a Norwegian Folk Group. but no more hateful drunken metal. he’s a family man nao.

but that didnt happen.

and we still would have had those classic first 3 albums, and he could have had 5 kids before he was 40. win win. instead he is making hit or miss albums and getting drunk at age 39. talk about despair. judge judge judge hahahahahahahaha. at least he is traveling the world and banging women and still makes 50% good albums hahahaha and has fans and is leaving some kind of legacy hahaha.

i bet he could just retire to bjoergvin and find a nice gurl even now. there are still good women left, even in the us, even in degen norway and sweden.

but would i let my virgin daughter marry hoest?

well, i would test the shit out of him first! no more tattoos, no more drinking, no more tours, no more sluts, from now on you are going to be a husband and father! i mean either that sounds good to you or it doesnt. to me it sounds great, except for providing for that family.

could he really be a music teacher? could he really make enough money to live off that in NORWAY, where they take 60% of your income in taxes and gas is 10 dollars a gallon and it costs 10000 dollars to rent a shoebox apartment?

would he want to be a music teacher? would he be a good music teacher? uhhh i think he’d enjoy it more than being a Call Center Agent or a Lidl/Tesco slave. maybe he has terrible people skills though.

well, you cant bang dozens of women and have terrible people skills.

how do i know he’s banged dozens of women? you can just tell.

men who bang dozens of women, even if they are horrible sluts, have what it takes to be successful in other areas of life. raw confidence and toughness and masculinity. he just has to be WILLING to give up the degenerate, sensualist life of booze and sluts.

i guess if you’re actually GETTING the sluts, it could be hard to give up. for me, even getting SLUTS was a huge struggle. for CHAD HOEST, I bet its as easy as a woman getting a chad.

i should clearly write a fanfic of chad hoests alternate life, then give it to him at the concert. then he will uh oh this guy is right, i better start making babies. i am 39 years old and a handsome hwyte man. what am i doing with my life. shit you can go to southern france like varg if norway has become too ridiculous. i dont doubt that it has. go to poland. go to hungary. go to romania. its all good. we’re all hwyte here.

russia and ukraine are great, i just worry that da J’s have too much power there. in poland possibly too.  guess its gotta be better than NORWAY. in terms of the current norwegian gummint.

lets make norway great again hahahaha.

hey i dont blame chad hoest for descending into sensualist degeneracy, look at what his HOME is BECOMING!

my home is becoming similar. and i descended into hateful nihilism of black metal and the hedonist sensualism of drugs and, in the past, alcohol and pr0n. never had the luxury of real live grills like chad tho. i hear that can be real hard to give up. i just cant put myself in chad’s shoes. and chad cant put himself in mine.

hey im no better. i just want to be lazy and do MJ all the time. muh brain and muh WILL is BROKEN.

i have bitterness towards women because they cant just injure, its always INSULT UPON INJURY with these demons hahahahaha. they cant just reject you and say sorry, they have to reject you and be huge mudshark sluts afterwards. you cant have me but all these other guys sure can. im a dirty degen slut, but im still too good for YOU, ya meek neet wimpy sissy loser child.

i guess they arent intentionally trying to “rub it in your face” when they do slutty shit after rejecting you and you just happen to hear about it because you are borderline stalking them hahahahahaha. then thats your fault. well shit. i argue they should be being sluts ANYWAY. no woman NEEDS to be a slut. fook that shit. its BAD, there is no use for it ever. makes schlomo say GOOD GOYIM. because it DESTROYS the goy race. not IMMEDIATELY, but in the long term. even 50 lousy years can do a hell of a lot of damage. that’s not too long term. that’s less than one lifetime.

can lead the horse to water but cant make them drink. this is one of the most important true cliches ever. very relevant for me and very relevant for others too. including that woman. its all about WILL. so do you blame yourself for FAILING TO INSPIRE WILL????!!?!???

did you really lead them to the right water?

why arent they drinking?

why arent you SELLING the water good enough? aren’t you SKILLED enough to SELL this water?

i would say dont blame yourself too much. sometimes there really is nothing you can do. GOD has to get in there and even HE might not be able to do anything. THE FREE WILL. what a horrible, horrible thing!

i had all the opportunities to succeed but i would rather sm0ke MJ, drnk alcohol, look at porn, and take it easy. coast.

i put myself all in for her and said take me or leave me and she left me as sure as you can leave a person.

KARMA hahahaha.

no im really not a bad guy i SWEAR. i never want to do anybody wrong. i just hated working hard when the payoff would come in longer than 4 years hahahaha.

I DIDNT REALIZE WHAT A BIG MISTAKE I WAS MAKING! I WAS YOUNG AND IMMATURE!

the problem was the mistake wasnt just one big mistake, it was many little mistakes over like 4 years, that were not super visible to me, or to anyone around me. shit if my fam was convinced i was making a Big Mistake, they would have done something about it. but NO ONE KNEW what a big mistake i was making. thats what especially sucks. no one knew, no one could stop me. and if i could go back in time, i would damn sure stop myself.

average of 8:53 hours of sleep a night. DAMN. well, there it is. cant argue with the numbers hahahaha.

just trying to figure out the best time to go to bed when i get up at 5 am. apparently 8 pm hehehehe. OR EARLIER. 7:15 pm, because i take about 45 minutes to fall asleep after i get into bed.

i dont even know what would have been good for me. military, i prob would have private pyled.

i think just go to local comm college while continuing to work muh job i had at age 17. gotten into a machine apprentice thing. but i prob wouldnt even have THOUGHT of that. it took me till at least 28 to determine that that was a good idea.

i would have still been like college sucks, working sucks, everything sucks, just get the easiest degree there is and prepare for a life of sucking hahahaha. get used to it. deal with it. but maybe i would have been physically prevented from doing as much MJ and alcohol. not sure though. i STILL managed to do a lot of MJ and alcohol when i was home with the fam. quite a damn bit, now that i think of it. DAMN.

well, i would have stayed at the job i had until i found something better. it was a very easy job and i wuldnt just quit it. basically i had to leave it because muh college got in the way too much. ironic.

also i never would have gotten laid and never would have made out or cuddled with grills hahahaha. well i prob would have made out with grills but may well have never stopped being a V at age 21 like i did. i mean shit if were a 30 year old VIRGIN my confidence would be even LOWER. at least i can say oh yeah i stopped being a VIRGIN at a SOMEWHAT normie age.

hehehe whats def NOT normie is how i never had secs or GF or makeout or cuddles SINCE then hahahaha.

anyway, it really is impossible to say. maybe i would have just gone to another kollige and things would have turned out just as bad. maybe i would have stayed at home and gone to local college and things would have turned out just as bad hahahaha. I was BORN to become a neet failure nevergf 11k a year loser.

ok ok ok these are all horribly negative thoughts and i shouldnt even be THINKING THEM, let alone writing them down for all eternity as part of “MUH LIFE STORY” hahahaha.

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https://www.fool.com/investing/2016/12/04/top-marijuana-stocks-to-buy-in-2017.aspx

i would not recommend putting all your money into MJ stocks, youd be better buying BTC hahahaha.

i would say if you get crabby like that, just lay donw and take a NAP if you can. if its a weekend and you dnt have to WORK or STUDY WORK hahaha. i did that, got at least 30 minutes, factored that into my Big Data. by number is inching closer and closer to 9 hours a night!

if i get 1 minute less than 9 hours of sleep every night, i get SO CRABBY i CANNOT FUNCTION hahahahaha.

i am like john cusack in high fidelity. thinking of all these women in the past, oh maybe she was the one, maybe she was the one, i should try to reconnect from this grill from 15 years ago, etc etc. not that ive actually done this. but it has crossed my mind. like lets give it another chance. and they are probably not gonna do the Reaching Out here. but im 40 and still single, what have i got to lose by Reaching Out to these people 10, 20 years later. i wasnt the one who ended this. i would have stayed with you and let it run its course if you didnt Prematurely Dump Me!

did he DUMP any of the women in that movie?

in real life, men actually DO dump women. hard to believe but its true.  i’ve never done it and dont really WANT to hahahaha.

and what an ANNOYING JOO cusack was in that annoying jooish movie!!!!!!! that is not how proud hwyte men act! this is not a man who is worthy of any woman! never act anything like that! its amazing he had been with like 5 women in his life! and not 0! he should have been a virgin!

stupid fookin jooish movie. cant believe i watched it like 3 times. this is why you stop being a big music fan when you become an adult. music is not a serious time consuming interest of successful, respectable adults. its like smokin MJ. its immature, arrested development.

why do you think people who smoke MJ listen to so much MUSIC hahahaha.

oh god i just want to sm0ke MJ.

GLR did not become joo wise until age 32 hahaha. i was 30 at the oldest. more like 28 hehehehe.

some people say you should get rid of all drunk driving laws and should only prosecute people for drunk driving if there is an accident and somebody gets hurt and the person at fault is drunk.

but no just pulling people over and giving them a misdemeanor 10k DUI for having 8% BAC.  no waiting to nab people coming out of bars. no dui checkpoints.

INTERESTING.

ok 730 planning to go to bed around 8. its science. did absolutely nothing productive this weekend. took naps, played cards, wrote whining shit. well i did do 2 loads of laundry, trimmed beard, took powerwalk on saturday i think. got concert ticket for furst concert in almost 2 years. worked on Budget. worked on Sleep Spreadsheet. wrote a ton of stuff, 25% of it good. created another spreadsheet showing the current sizes of all types of clothes i wear. measurements, sizes. dress shirts, pants, suits, chest, neck, legs, waist, arms, shoes, coats, shorts, undershorts, sweatpants, anything and everything as of mar 26 2017.

prepared a bunch of sound files. podcasts and taake albums.

crunched some serious analytics. gathered some good data and crunched some good numbers.

was just disappointing on muh job search, which i dont even want to really DO shit till like july, and also on muh powerwalking. yeah i should have gone to the gym but oh well. also gained almost 2 pounds hehehehe.

 

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JUST SAY THE WORD HUHWHYTE

mar 19

wazzzup world hahahahaha

sunday morning today as well, just drinking coffee and farting and reading new blog post and watching rare history channel program on WW2.

  1. actual historical content on the HISTORY channel is so rare. you are lucky to see one program a week.
  2. naturally its very by the book shit of hitler and germany being monsters who need to be wiped off the face of the earth by the valiant allies.

not denying the bravery and courage and toughness of the allied soldiers. just that we were jooed into the war. jooed by literal joos and cowards into fighting against our german brothers. never should have happened.

did hitler really want to violently conquer all of france? i have to wonder if this is just another one of those joo lies. the idea of lebensraum did not mean he wanted to conquer all of europe by force. or did he. am i being to nice to AH.

yeah well it probably would have been a good thing if he had. introduced race conscious NS to all of europe. i do bet he would have allowed European Ethnic IDentity to be encouraged, like yeah you’re still FRENCH and youre still DANISH and youre still POLISH and youre still ENGLISH. i guarantee he wouldnt have tried to make everybody “german.” prob would have been flexible in allowing each nation to develop whatever kind of fascism worked best for its people. he wasnt trying to make some kind of pan european euromutts. and violently subjugate other europeans.

i mean shit he was allies with italians and spaniards and croatians, you think he would have genocided POLES? he just wanted 10% of some polish land that was pretty inhabited by germans anyway. i think they could have worked something out. or were poles actually the assholes who started ww2. yeah wel if they were i still blame the joos who were lousy in poland just like they were in russia. where did these people COME FROM. khazaria of courshe hahahaha. which was closer to poland and russia than to germany for example.

was winston churchill an ALCOHOLIC???? AH sure wasnt hahahaha. also FDR was a marxist j00 who was so crippled that his even more communist jooish lesbian WIFE was essentially president for 8 years.

i will single handedly change the current course of history and stop our hwyte women from being stupid racemixing sluts!!!!! and make them GOOD again! i will rise to that challenge and CHANGE THE WORLD!!!!!

this is the Talk Of A Champion that you are supposed to replace negative thoughts with, hehehehe.

take negative thoughts and say NO!!! NO!!! YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!! to them, and REPLACE them with POSITIVE thoughts of how you will WIN like a CHAMPION. HAIL VICTORY!!!!!!!

welp maybe i wont single handedly change the course of history, but i can certainly change one person. even if that one person is “only” myself. shit that would make all the difference in the world.

dont waste time trying to BE a womans father figure. THATS HER FATHERS JOB. and if her father didnt do HIS job, dont sacrifice yourself to clean up HIS mess. even if the gurl is not a huge whore hahaha. she will just find other ways to break your heart and be a huge disappointment.

better to not throw time and energy into a bad investment, and find a good investment, and find a woman you can have your own children with, and YOU can be a good father.

terrible few days for bitcoin, bad week for bitcoin, really a bad MONTH for btcoin hahaha. i mean its gone down 200 dollars just in the past 4 days or so. terrible.

ok. took huge dump, trimmed beard for weekly sunday #2 length beard. i guess #1 length would be The Don Johnson hahahahaha.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/no-fault-divorce-wife-leaves-husband-for-some-black-guy-media-praises-him-for-being-the-perfect-cuckold/92868

guy is a great father to his son but is a terrible cuck who lays down for his bitch ex who left him for a black guy.

if he’s such a great guy, YOU SHOULDNT HAVE LEFT HIM, MUDSHARK SWINE. she left him because he was WEAK and SOFT AND because she didnt have a father to slap some sense into her saying, whats WRONG with you? this guy is perfect and a great husband and father! DONT LEAVE HIM!!! EVER!!!! ya dumb broad!!!!

Sad!

although its not the paxil/prozac/AD’s that do it, i take AD’s and I fully woke and Luv My RACE.

theres this meme that AD’s make you a sociopath, AD’s make you a cuck, i want to rebut that. I still have sympathy for other people and though i am kinda a cuck, i would NEVER do what this guy is doing, i would SHAME my shameful x for being a shameful MUDSHARK. Mudsharks REALLY trigger the FOOK out of me. that woman hahahaha. i cant believe she was technically a MUDSHARK. that should be enough to turn me OFF of her, but it just made shit MORE painful, harder to deal with, longer to get over. this is what happens when girls dont have fathers. Sad!

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/i-have-a-chance-to-influence-a-young-mudshark/92888

this guy describes a young mudshark from a decent family, good father, but is STILL an unrepentant mudshark. will be watching this thread for replies. maybe some will accuse him of being a joo planting a bullshit story thats too good to be true, NO decent hwyte gurl with a good father would EVER be a mudshark, ALL mudsharks are disgusting fat slobs. but i know this is not true. this is the real tragedy of mudsharkery, is watching a young girl BECOME a mudshark, to first cross over that line from good to ruined. Sad!

my theory is the father is a successful but swpl liberal middle class guy who is so nonracist that he doesnt care if his daughter fooks blacks, esp if they are not super thuggish. light skinned blacks who go to college and have no felonies.

i just cant understand whites who WOULDNT care about their DAUGHTER dating nonwhites. thats where the rubber meets the road. thats where people who don’t think they are racist discover that they are indeed a little bit racist.  and they dont mind it, beucase they’re not gonna cave on their daughter fooking nonwhites.

the SAD thing is, many hwytes WOULD cave on this, and would STILL be totally nonracist here. im so nonracists i REALLY DONT CARE about my daughter fooking nonwhites, and as proof, she’s already fooked 4 by age 22 and brought them home and they were all gud bois who dindu nuffin!

if the idea of your DAUGHTER fooking nonwhites doesnt make your SKIN CRAWL……i just dont know what to say to you.

i dont know about women. i WISH the idea of race mixing made THEIR skin crawl too…..but it just doesnt/ manage expectations. welp, turns out some MEN are just as cucked.  many MEN just dont care about race mixing either. sad! disgusting! unmanly!

again, i dont EXPECT women to know better. MEN, i DO.

so thats probably whats going on here, and shows you dont have to be white trash to be a mudshark slut.

really. honestly. i guess i’ll never understand these nonracists. you mean you JUST DONT CARE. have you NEVER got your heart broken by a woman and then that woman went on to fook blacks and browns and you didnt feel just a little bit angered by that? you REALLY dont care if your GF has been with nonwhites before you or after you? No they really dont. i guess i really cant reach these people. and i sure as fook can’t understand them.  WOW. JUST WOW. You really DONT care, do you. your gf has fooked blacks and you dont care. your daughter is fooking blacks and you dont care. WOW. you really dont care. well i guess you showed me! just how nonracist you are! feels good doesnt it!

i guess there are two types of peopel in the world, racist and nonracist, and never the twain shall meet. i am pretty happy being a racist. i mean i would rather be a racist than a nonracist!!!!!

and the dead giveaway is, do you CARE about your daughter, or your GF, fooking nonwhites. or yourself for that matter. do you really have NO PREFERENCE when it comes to the race of who you date.

some people SAY they have no preference but NEVER ACTUALLY date nonwhites. thats probably ok hahaha.

some people SAY they have no preference and MAINLY date whites….but occasionally date a nonwhite. not good. NOT EVEN ONCE. then what? did you learn something? did you develop a preference? i should hope so.

heh. i hope you never fall in LUV with someone who breaks your HEART AND does some mudsharking which ALSO breaks your heart too.

but the good thing is that it reduced my tolerance for race mixing degeneracy to absolutely zero.

i’m not even sure its inherently JOOISH, although it’s obvious why the joos exploit it. but it IS inherently degenerate in the most basic way. it’s just fooked up. entirely.

you dont have to be explicitly racist! just never fook a black! god damn! is that SO HARD??!?!?!?!??!!

you could even SAY you dont have any dating preferences! just don’t date a black! is that SO HARD?!?!?!?!?!?!

apparently, hahahahahahahaha.

i  have met maybe 2 black women that were attractive enough to bang, and i’m glad i didn’t hahahaha.

i’ve met many khazar jooesses who were attractive enough to bang. well, when i was young i did. but i didnt bang them. i probably would have if i had any idea how to talk to women. but i didnt. but i’m glad i only race mixed with jooesses only a TINY bit and not a LOT. better to be CELIBATE than to race mix.

https://heathenharvest.org/2016/01/02/outcast-by-choice-an-interview-with-mikko-aspa/

have not read this one yet hahahaha

http://archive.is/6Bmu7

not bad!

but he has to know nicole 12 is degenerate. his past “pornographic” work is degenerate. i think he’s stepped away from this, has done less of them as time goes on, and more of Positive stuff like Vapaudenristi, but i still want him to SAY IT, say that yes i am making a moral judgment here, molesting children is wrong and degenerate, there’s a gray area where girls start to become women and start to become attractive that is probably younger than the legal age of consent, but we should still not “sexualize” them, and in general all pornography is degenerate, and race is real, and nationalism is good. this is what i want him to say rather than mental masturbation about “anti-anthropocentrism” hahahaha. just keep going in the direction of Ethno nationalism, and in saying mean things about k1kes hahaha.

i mean there’s NO DEBATE to be had on nicole 12 buddy. it’s not about studying a conditioned reaction like a “drooling dog.” i dunno. i think he should have just wrote a book about it because i just dont understand what he was trying to say with it. that everything is conditioned? that you can be conditioned into thinking pre-pubescent children are SECSY???? it just seems kinda JOOISH to try to say there’s nuances where there are none. yeah i KNOW he’s coming from the whole power electronics aesthetic, which has the same issues of jooish degeneracy.

i dunno. i guess i just want him to be something he’s probably not, and im gonna be disappointed with him in a few years hahaha. or maybe not! i mean over the past 4 or 5 years, he’s been doing more of the good things and less of the bad things!

like he needs to go into more specific detail about this “dynamic nationalism” and how he does NOT want a return to the past. how dynamic are we talking here? does race matter or not? i know he appreciates honesty but he talks too much like a damn………jooish academic artist???? thats just mean of me to say hahahaha.

no i think he’s just smart and autistic and this is the way he talks, he doesnt MEAN to sound jooish. he’ll be allright if he keeps hanging out with racist skinheads talking real talk hahahaha. also if he met a decent woman and had some children. i dont think he MEANS to sound so confusing, he’s not doing that on PURPOSE like the joos do.

he’ll probably be all right. i just dont want him to slip back into degeneracy and then make some jooish excuse about it when i KNOW he’s smarter than that! i dont want him to pull some FEDORA shit.

at any rate, he’s not really alt right and prob wont ever be as much as i would like him to be.

but would he let his daughter race mix? would he say NONE OF MY BUSINESS if muh gf race mixed before? hehehe i really dont think he would. i hope he wouldnt.

also i like some of the anti-individualist stuff he says in the interview. that these individualists are even more Conformist than normie Sheeple. basically suggesting that Individualism is Atomizing. Well….inasmuch as you can “understand” ANYTHING this guys says. I think he’s on the level, but this is why I want to TALK to him and get straight answers to straight questions. Would you let your daughter race mix? does race mean anything to you? do you care if Finns are wiped off the face of the earth? what do you think about Da JQ? Tell me what you really think about Da J’s. It’s ok m8, I dont like them either. I hope you dont like them hahahaha. what the FOOK kind of “discussion” do you think could POSSIBLY be had about nicole 12? its ok to say you have matured since that and maybe wouldnt do that again and maybe weren’t making the best statement with. molesting 12 year old girls is ALWAYS wrong and only a JOO would try to equivocate on that and it’s ok to say that. only a joo would WANT to have a discussion about the nuances behind wanting to Abuse Children.

which is totally not the same as saying, hmm that 17 year old gurl looks fairly attractive, and I would sign up to marry her when she turns 18.

just set up an email list for news on vapaudenristi and make english trans of the lyrics available so we know what you are talking about.

but if you listen to the albums of an RAC band like No Remorse and DONT say, OMG, these deplorable reprehensible nazi racist bigots! and instead say, hay I LIKE this, then you are kinda making a statement right there, aren’t you. Like how I realized that you can’t be a VVN Sympathizer without actually being a full-blown VVN and just not realizing it yet.

anyway me talking about That Man is even less interesting than me talking about Women or That Woman hahahahaha. if you want to have straightforward conversations about 1433, then there are a couple places you can go. like daily stormer. who i fully support. as of march 2017 hahahahaha. if andre turns out to be a joo i will cry mantears of grief and then move on somehow hahahaha. i really dont think he is though. also dont think he would marry a jooess.

however i wonder if k1ke enoch has divorced his joowife yet hahahaha. i aint mad at him. the shit is complicated. its still not good to have a joowife tho. but he is entitled to having a personal life. but none of us should be race mixing. he’s smart enough to know this is a problem. also its naive to do big things and say “im not a leader”. you have become KIND of a leader whether you like it or not, when you do big leaderlike things……and openly ask for dnations. i dunno. i think he learned something from all this. if anything i am more butthurt about sven banning people wantonly from the forums for weak reasons. and i still really like the hihg svenergy vidyas.  and there are still plenty of people on DS that crap on TRS for being j00 luvers. i still like em both, but i just had to take a break from TRS for a few weeks. to allow myself to not be so emotional about it.

NO ONE IS SAYING ITS OKAY TO HAVE A JOOWIFE. some of us just arent willing to believe it makes TRS traitors and shills and spies and plants and feds and mossad and controlled opposition and JFK MKII ULTRA hahahaha. it was just a guy in joo york and joo jersey who married a half-jooess before he was j00 pilled. it can happen. its not the end of the world unless they have joo children. AND THEY DONT!!!!!!!

basically how hard is it for mikko to just talk about HWYTES. just say the word. hwytes. europeans. its ok. its not a bad word. you can do it. say it. luv it. be it. huhwhyte. its a beautiful thing, its ok to FOOKING LUV being huhwhyte.

shit ive been saying it 14330000000000000 times a day for years.  no need to never say it once in years!!!!!!!!!! now THATS a little weird!

good luck finding a woman who says she prefers to date hwytes. just be lucky to find one who’s never “dated” a nonwhite YET. keeping the race pure is YOUR job. either the woman feels some kind of racial preference deep down inside or she doesnt, which will make your job of protecting the race and finding a woman who hasnt dated a nonwhite yet a little bit easier, if she’s not actively inviting them in like the sluts at the castle anthrax with a purpa drank shaped beacon.

HAIL VICTORY! THIS TIME THE WORLD! 14 WORDS!

but yeah. i just think its weird that not more hwytes are as anti-race mixing as i am. they just DONT CARE. or, worse, they say it’s AOK! no problem! i wouldnt care if i had mixed race kids!

that just seems weird and disturbing and unnatural to me. why WOULDNT you care? i want to find a woman who, on some unconscious level at least, CARES about this! and hang out with other men who explicitly care about this! become part of a mannerbund!

GLR prohibited drunkenness at ANP meetings. I think hahahaha.

andrew zimmern is pretty jooey but i also think he’s a good guy and i wouldn’t be against not deporting him hahahaha. but what is he teaching his kids at home? is his wife a joo? ideally she would be a latinx or something. why should we sacrifice a hwyte woman to make zimmern less jooish.

what about natives. injuns. there are rural communities where many of the hwytes are 10% injun. man i dunno hahahahaha. i figure if you are 13% or less nonwhite, then welcome to club hwyte. the hwyte race.  thats basically one fully nonwhite great grandparent at max.

it would be ironic if some nonwhite young woman was really really really really nice to me, and fell in luv with me, and wanted to be LOYAL to me and have muh babies. i mean that’s nothing to sneeze at when a woman gives you that loyalty. but i want that from a HWYTE woman, not a nonwhyte woman. go give that to a man of your own race. so what if they are shitty. the women of MY race are shitty. but i’d rather have no woman than a good woman of another race.

because i might be tempted! I have NO doubt that there ARE good women of other races. and being in that situation would probably be TEMPTING. oh ive been so lonely for so long, how can  REJECT this WONDERFUL woman who LUVS me just because she is not hwyte? come on. best not to BE in that situation to begin with.

GLR’s “HWYTE POWER” might be the better book for the beginner to GLR to read. i am kinda getting bored with TTTW hehehehe 65% of the way through.

https://archive.org/details/WhitePower_189

READ IT. BELIEVE IT. LIVE IT.

from the first page, we can see that stuff in the US is HEAVILY jooed as far back as 1965.

ever since i was a young child, one of muh favorite movies was “the blues brothers”, which i have seen more times than i can remember. at first i was happy because it was one of the few R rated movies i was allowed to watch and had a few filthy f-bombs. overall it’s still a well written and constructed movie, stands the test of time, although does seem a little dated, but in a good way, shows the skills of john landis, who i’m not sure is J or hwyte, and of the players, not least of all the genuine comedy skills of albanian belushi and canadian ackroyd. also i believe john belushi was moreso a hwyte albanian than a turkish mud albanian. his brother jim looks basically hwyte while john was a bit more swarthy.

belushi was a drug doing degen like chris farley, but like farley, he was genuinely funny.

and yeah MY POINT and I DO have one, is I can look back now with new eyes and see the jooification of even this Quaint Old Movie. The blues brothers were antiracist from the beginning, hanging out with tons of blacks and IDOLIZING black musicians.

MY POINT is this was one of my first exposures to NEO NATZEEZ, with the Illinois Nazis in the movie with….John Daniels? John Glover? the Laugh In Guy, as their leader. Even from a young age I was impressed by the impressive speech he made: “white men, white men, the svastica is calling YOU. the Joo is using the Black as muscle against YOU. so what are you gonna do about it, whitey? just sit there and take it? no! you will join us, the national socialist hwyte people’s party.” which i recently learned was actually the original name of GLR’s ANP. and i am sure the character was based heavily on GLR hehehehe.

i didn’t understand why there was SUCH an angry crowd against the nazis. was what he was saying so bad? why did the blues brothers HATE the illinois nazis? then we see that the fuhrer’s second hand man has been secretly in gay luv with him. there is also a scene where we see him blatantly smoking a corncob pipe, which has got to be a reference to GLR.

also look at the country rednecks in the country bar and the way they and Country Bob and the Good Old Boys are portrayed as Uncool Rednecks.

It’s all still pretty funny and I can never CONDEMN the movie, and I will never not want to watch it while cuddling with a Nice Hwyte Hwaifu…..but I will be sure to HWYTESPLAIN the parts of the movie is not so nice to hwytes.

plus i generally like the black music too: blues, old time rock and roll, etc. the band is SOLID. and you can’t crap on a classic performer like ray charles. well other than to say he was probably a horrible person who was a heron addict and beat his wife and cheated on his wife and was prob a horrible father hahahaha. some good songs tho! and that makes it all ok!

so yeah, still a good movie, but it has a lot of questionable stuff in there that you dont notice when you are young.

no i dont think seeing it 60000000 times since a young age really HARMED me. it still give me good feels of nostalgia of being A Young Child. I just want the Notsees to be portrayed more sympathetically hahahahaha. more stuff about blacks and joos bad nooz hahahahaha.

mar 20

it is easy to survive the low stress workday thank god, but i hate not being a TOUGH as a WOMAN, to handle a stressful job 60 hours a week. im surpirsed MORE peopel dont abuse drugs and alcohol. well because they would probably LOSE THEIR JOBS if they did. you cant just half ass your job, because then you lose your job.

but i was so tired upon coming home i immediately laid down, watched law and order, and took a bit of a powernap. maybe it was because i took a benedryl last nite.

normal people cant take a powernap after their job. they have to drink gallons of coffee and 10 monster energy dranks to get thru their busy 10 hours a day, then come home and crash but you cant sleep because your mind is reeling from the busy day but you need to sleep but cant so you have to take some kind of drugs to slow you down. either sleeping pills or alcohol is a very popular choice hahaha. MJ would not hurt either haha.

and i went to bed at a decent hour and drank a lot of coffee while i was there!

i do a decent job and act pretty normie while i am there. but i hate that at the end of the day, i am still not as TOUGH as a 22 year old GURL. very emasculating. its GOOD to feel TOUGH. its BAD to feel WEAK and SOFT.

i was thinking of “erotic fiction” which is kinda pornographic but not AS degenerate because you arent using and destroying actual live gurls in order to produce it. other than maybe perverting the mind of the person writing (and of course reading) it.  but its not a machine that destroys heaps of young women. so yes i think it is less degen than actual porno. still not ok though. MIGHT be useful to wean off a porno addict. thats a big maybe though.

anyway i dont really care. im not tempted to look at porno. i AM tempted to do MJ all the time. just think about it all the time like a gurl thinking of her loverboi and the day he can get out of prison and they can finally be togther again.

damn have this god damn ice cream and ate too much of it. thankfully this is not a regular thing. it is caramel ice cream which i really like. ate too much of it. is this “emotional eating” because i was feeling weak and soft and pvssy and weak? eating too much ice cream certainly doesnt HELP those things! thankfully i dont often buy or eat ice cream. so its not like im gonna eat the whole container in 1 day then run out and buy another. fook no.

my good idea for the day was to get a thick black marker and draw a huge Hakenkreuz on your chest like the tat sported by weev or american history x. do this before you bang a broad. that way she can see the beliefs of the man who is drilling her, and it is bound to have an effect on them, subconsciously at the very least. looking down at the man pounding you and see the symbol of the ebil natzees. wow. maybe it would make the woman less likely to be a race traitor in the future. i cant see any downside to it. JUST DO IT. i would seriously luv to do this myself. chip away at her idea of herself as a nonracist. well if you were such a nonracist, then you wouldnt be loving getting fooked hard by a natzee with a svastica on his chest staring right at you!

well, i guess this could backfire and she could say, welp now i HAVE to run out and fook a negro ASAP to prove im not a natzee.

then she would have done that at some point ANYWAY, you’re just speeding up the inevitable and can NEXT her quicker and save more of your valuable time for a woman who is worth your time.

fooking DO this. draw a svastica on your chest with a black marker and bang the woman. make sure she is facing you hahahahahahaha.

tom brady goes to bed at 8:30 pm because he is serious about his sleep. not that i idolize a feetsball sportsball negroball j00ball player, but he seems like a healthy goy. so what time does he get up in the morning? dont know. probably about 5 am.  that is when i get up. alarm rings at 5 am, i sip coffee till 5:30 and watch the news, see how negros shot each other, get the weather and traffic. the time passes very quickly. at 530 i get out of bed, continue drinking coffee, take a shower, get ready.

yeah you should start with GLR’s hwyte power book. it is written in a very weaponized style, to shake you up, from the very first page, for the next…30 pages or so. it has not stopped shaking me on every page and i am on page 23 now. just comes out with all guns blazing. describes the problem explicitly: disgusting degeneracy. describes the SPIRITUAL SYPHILIS which afflicts hwyte youth and how religion wont work on them. he hasn’t talked so much about the JQ yet, but I am 1433000000000% sure he will soon.

it is easy to imagine him reading this in the form of a powerful passionate speech. you could go around reading passages to people like speeches.

https://archive.org/details/WhitePower_189

READ THIS LIFE CHANGING BOOK NOW, IT WILL TURN YOU INTO A WINNER.

i have never read something written in the 1960s that reads like it was written TODAY. RIGHT NOW.

HAIL GLR! HAIL VICTORY!!!!!

hehehe. that feel that if someone asks you who would you want to meet of anyone who lived in history and you can’t even tell them. you can’t say AH. you can’t say GLR. people don’t know who GLR is but you can’t explain who he was without making you look like a psycho for wanting to meet him. i guess you could LIE and say He was a Political Activist in the 1960s. He was anti-Communist like Joe McCarthy!

why the hell would you want to meet joe mccarthy?

lemme google this rockwell guy- american NATZEE PARTY??!?!?!?!?!?!?! he’s as bad as HITLER! he has a SVASTICA on his arm!!!!!!!!!

believe me. i took AP US history in high school and they never mentioned rockwell. i never heard of him until a few years ago.

yeah they mentioned mccarthy. but by that time i think i was getting tired of skool. i recall AP history involved a ton of reading and i barely remembered any of that stuff.

i was getting sick of school and homework and reading stuff that wasnt important to me; i was starting to get interested in MJ and alcohol; i didn’t realize the importance of history like this.

shit i took AP european history and obviously SHOULD have enjoyed it, reading an in depth history of hwyte people. I started out enjoying it but a few months into it, i was like this is too much reading. i dont remember any of this stuff. what does all this matter.  didnt understand how the history of the joos mattered, the turks and ottomans and muslims, common law and all that. shit i still dont hahahaha. it was a lot to bite off and hard for a 15 year old to put into perspective. maybe if you explained to me, these joos are the reason gurls today are such stupid sluts hahahaha. and then traced THAT back to communism. and kinda worked backwards from the present, stuff that mattered to me at the time. which admittedly most of it was stupid and degenerate.

nonetheless the average kid in my high school did JUST FINE in life, so i was/am just an OUTLIER. a BAD SEED. I would have been a WEIRD CASE ANYWHERE I went to school. but i feel that in the “right kind” of “radical” high school i might have done better. like homeschool, or artsy fartsy high school, or STEM high school, or Manufactuing Machining Shop High School. really, any one of them would have been a GAMBLE.

would I have been less Angry and Nihilistic if I had been successful with Gurls from a young age? yeah probably hahahaha tbh. but MOST boys ARENT successful with gurls when they are 16, and they have to watch all the gurls their being sluts with older scumbag guys.

i bet i would have liked reading GLR at age 16 just for the SHEER EDGINESS of reading a NAZI. i know I was interested in the evil natzis, hitler, the evil svastica, because i was interested in The Bad Guys. Anything Evil or bad. serial killers. varg vikernes killing guys and burning churches.

pretty ironic that varg turned out to be a really GOOD guy who I would be sticking with 20 years later, an similar thing with AH and the natzees – they weren’t REALLY the bad guys. so even though I’ve outgrown my edginess and interest in Bad Guys, I’m more interested in these Good Guys than ever before.

I probably would have found mein kampf to not be a fun read, but I bet I would have liked GLR. I have even worse ADD now and his writing is very to the point and not a problem for people with the attention span of a fly. like me.

a book like “hwyte power” could have HELPED me at age 16, but I didnt really read ANYTHING back then. i did all my reading for school, i did ENOUGH stupid READING.  i never developed a LOVE OF READING like ALL Smart and Successful people do. Sad!

READ THIS BOOK RIGHT NOW. BUY IT and read it over and over again. give it to all young men you know. buy cases of it and go to the nearest middle school and give it to all the white boys. maybe even the hwyte girls too.

mar 21

hwyte power. this shit is real. saw something on local tv news of an ALT RIGHT WHITE SUPREMACIST NEO NAZI flyer at a place, the police are trying to figure out who put these EVIL NAZI FLYERS up. the photo was very nonthreatening. it just talked about how white population percentage has gone way down and gave links to two very awesome websites and contained the words alt right.

but the way the media reports on it, they are clearly trying to frame it so that the FIRST THING ANYBODY THINKS OF when they hear the words alt right is “EVIL NATZEE.” alt right? whats that mean? oh. even racist natzis who want to oven jooz and lynch blacks and genocide nonwhites.

well are they wrong? hahahaha.

yes because we dont advocate violence or genocide. like GLR we are willing to pay BILLIONS of dollars to Send These People Back. wouldnt you pay TRILLIONS of dollars in taxes for a Nice Hwyte Country? Transport the people back to africa, asia, middle easy, and give them each fookin 100k USD to make a new life with. why the hell not.

i hope the police are not looking very hard for these ebil natzees. as GLR said, the local police are not our enemy. they probably sympathize with us. i should be trying to JOIN this local alt right group. but they would prob say nope youre too big of a loser to join us, we WILL take your money though.

YOURE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR US, BUT WE WILL TAKE YOUR MONEY hahahahaha.

the real problem is me wanting to give money to a group that wouldnt have me as a member. the real problem is me not being good enough to join the groups  want to be a member of!

i mean i have come to the acceptance that i am not high quality enough to represent The Movement, but I want to SUPPORT and HELP the movement, possib by giving money. yeah i guess it does suck to think, well, YOU are not good enough, but your damn MONEY is. thank me for my money and give me a roman salute at least hahahahaha. LET ME STUFF ENVELOPES AT LEAST hahahahahaha.

well we dont stuff envelopes any more. thats VVN 1.0. there will be no flat earth renegade radio flyers hahaha.

yeah small business cards leading to daily stormer or TRS, that’s fine.

i mean thats basically a hate crime goy. let’s try to find the hateful natzees who left these tiny cards with a website on them. literally.

maybe i will be ARRESTED if i wear muh DAILY STORMER t shirt in public hahahaha. what a THOUGHT CRIMINAL!!!!!!

NEW WEEV VIDYA

its a big deal when he posts a 10 minute video from his toilet hahaha.  did he really have to call out richard spencer as a trust fund baby in the description. i’ll allow it as long as it doesnt turn into a high investment thing, but i think spencer is tougher than weev thinks he is. weev is prob tougher than spencer is though. well, nothing probably about it. he almost certainly is.

weev also had a good recent interiew with cantwell

i know i watched it and linked it but should watch it and link it again

weev should do vidyas every DAY

and yes you should send him dnations I DO hahahahahahahahah

and yes he certainly does NEED them more than spencer

went to bed early yesterday but took like 90 minutes to fall asleep instead of usual 45 hehehe.

i guess weev has a GF nao. well good for him, im sure she’s hwyte. i just didnt think i would see him settle down with a woman bc he is an alpha male and has hsi choice of women. well maybe he has made his choice now! obviously he SHOULD choose a wife and start having children. shit a man of his stature needs SEVERAL wives producing children SIMULTANEOUS so that he can eventually have 100, 1000 children.

create a new human life ERRY DAY!!!!

i would prob be okay with dating a single mom where her kid was weev’s baby hahahahaha.

so hypothetically let’s say weev responded to one of my semi-bantzy comments with possibly some own bantz of his own, and then i bantzed him back saying, yeah im already donating to you hahahahahaha. well WEEV I am only giving you like 20 dollars a year, maybe  WEEV is saying he is too good for my money. or he’s calling me a joo for giving him an OFFENSIVELY SMALL donation. that would be hilarious if weev bitched about that just like fatherland jim did when i gave him a TEENY WEENY donation.

although i would prefer weev’s approval because I respect and admire him , hahahaha.

but yeah not much we can do if the people we want NOT to reject us, reject us. wouldnt be the first time, wont be the last time. it sucks though. but its not like weev can BAN me from watching his videos and listening to his stuff. he can make me feel like an idiot for donating to him, since NOBODY is Cucky enough to Donate to the hand that Bites Who Feeds It!!!!

so i would just donate more to the daily stormer until something happened where they complained about me donating, hahaha.

oh well.at least i am putting myself out there, making moves, learning things. well, at least doing things. saying, i least i tried with so and so, and then they rejected me, the end.

im still scared to go back and see how people responded to my daily stormer post. still scared to see how george responded to my questions in his q&a vidyas. i have new evidence that he is a 1433 bad goy and i couldnt be happier. this is a great way to be, but i wont blow his cover. ideally i would like him to Come Out, but that’s his right to do that when he wants.

i just dont want people i admire to scorn and reject me hahaha. i want to be part of their club. but im not cool enough. im not tough enough. im not hardcore enough. i dont give enough money. im not interesting enough. i dont work hard enough etc etc etc always SOMETHING. FOOK it. FOOK it. no good deed goes unpunished.

i dont care, everyone i like can reject me, its not gonna kill me. i can always find another pro white thing to donate to. hey i can always give money to stormfront hahahaha. or vnn. or counter currents hahahaha. dr greg is nice enough to write me a THANK YOU NOTE for a tiny donation! HA!

bbbbut these are all old men in version 1.0 who are lonely and bitter and dont have wives or children because they were born too early! they were born during the dark ages when you were Too Weird To Mate if you advocated for hwytes.

Well I too lost my YOUTH to the joos. now all i can do is secretly donate tiny amounts of money to people who dont want it hahahahaha. and sm0ke weeeeeeed secretly. never be tough enough for a 28k a year job, or hwyte wife or children. damn. so what the hell do i look forward to? the fact that my RACE, with miniscule and unwatned help from ME, is finally turning the tide. that the sleeping goy finally woke up.

i am jumping to conclusions, nobody has said stop donating to me, weev hasn’t rejected me, he was just having ONE playful BANTZ, this is what men do many times a day. i wouldnt last a DAY in australia!!!! and probably they do this in russia and ukraine too, where weev is now. call each other cyka blyat all day. its a TERM OF ENDEARMENT!

i always forget this. i cant handle the bantz with real MEN!

i guess i can, it just takes longer and i have less tolerance for it hahaha.

i guess the MMPI is the most scientific personality test. it has 560 questions and measures 50 diff things, none of them good.

ok. chill out. take it easy. just say NO to negative thoughts. NO. STAHPPPP.  I will conquer negative thoughts and turn them OFF. I will be aware and Mindfull of the current year. I am watching “double indemnity” on tcm and  i hear this is a good movie, i should pay attention to it. i am playing .02/.04 poker when i usu like to play .01/.02.  i am charging mp3 player and have a new episode of fatherland on it which just came out today.

double indemnity. insurance scam. were insurance companies as jooish scams in 1938 as they are now? the idea is that they minimize risk for people so that entrepreneurs can take risks, start businesses, create jobs, make money, GDP Growth. not sure it happens this way. not sure gdp growth is an always good thing. who cares if you create jobs if they are part time walmart type jobs? or the jobs are so stressful you cant even handle them and snap like private pyle going postal? how does that improve your quality of life? because you’re not homeless on the streets sucking dick for a place to sleep indoors, or clean clothes, or a meal.

billy wilder was a joo, i do know that much, and “some like it hot” was pretty degen and jooish. and the stars of double indemnity are bad immoral and jooish, trying to get away with murder. but supposedly a classic movie. it seems pretty watchable. better with a waifu to cuddle of course hahahaha.

 

GOOD PEOPLE ARE ASHAMED WHEN THEY DO BAD THINGS

sat aug 12

IF YOURE NOT ASHAMED OF BEING A HUGE SLUT, WHAT ELSE ARE YOU NOT ASHAMED OF?

GOOD PEOPLE ARE ASHAMED WHEN THEY DO BAD THINGS.

saw this super qt young blond gurl i have seen about 3 to 4 times at public social event. i noticed her the first time i saw her, where she was sitting pretty near to us, and i was like wow that girl is super qt, but i think average guys would say meh she is ok but no big deal, maybe 6/10 hahahaha. a little Mousey.

i guess MOUSEY IS MY TYPE hahahahahahaha.

this is really the first time where i was like wow i SHOULD go talk to that woman and try to Ask Her Out On A Date hehehehe. the worst she can say is no.

but i would be 100% satisfied with her qt body and if she had a decent personality, WHICH IS NOT HARD TO DO, JUST BE NICE AND MAKE AN EFFORT NOT TO BE AN OBNOXIOUS BITCH, then I could see myself TOTALLY getting over and forgetting about That Woman. This Woman has the potential to replace and erase That Woman completely. would probably be an improvement if she’s not a mudshark and tries to not give silent treatment.

main qualm is that i have nothing to talk about and i am OLD and an omega male with several years of huge setbacks on muh career. she is maybe 8 to 10 years younger than me, and probably on the Average Path to a Middle Class Career. University, graduate at 21, get a decent entry level 30k job at 21, get a promotion and/or a grad degree by age 25, etc. what do you say to normie winners like this? what do you say when you have WEIRD INTERESTS that you cant talk about with normies, like jooish subversion of our culture, the future of huhwhyte people, plus women shouldnt be talking about political stuff anyway.

well ok i guess i could keep the conversation on the Common Interest we clearly have, and talk about careers in general, or her career, minimize talk about my career. talk about morality in broad general terms, like do no harm and dont treat people like shit, and Tinder Dating Culture is Gross, i hope you’re not into that. no i dont just want to “FOOK” you, I WANT to put in the due diligence and dating and extreme vetting in order to get to that point, and i dont WANT you to fook guys right away anyway. i mean you SHOULD be taking at least 6 months anyway.

the other thing is she really does look kinda YOUNG. i dont have a problem with that…..but ALL OF SOCIETY DOES, so she would be getting a lot of pressure, and prob a lot of her own personal preference to not date an old loser creeper, find a nice boy at college closer to her own age who didnt screw up so much in life, has a good career.

ideally, i would have talked to her that VERY FIRST DAY i noticed her and ASked Her Out On A Date then. now I’m THINKING about her and ALREADY building up a stupid FANTASY.

but you CAN tell something just by looking at people. not everything, but still some meaningful stuff. some poeple just LOOK LIKE dirty mudshark sluts. some women look young and innocent and nerdy and mousey, like they havent been with 100000 guys.

sure, some sluts can look innocent, especially the young cute ones, but they can’t hide that slutty c0khungry gaze forever. cold, dead, black eyes, like a dolls eyes hahahaha. damn disgusting sex addicts hahahahaha.

sex is very important and im very interested in it…..but i put it in a proper perspective! and realize it is in service of something even MORE important!!!!!!!

women might not UNDERSTAND this, but they dont NEED to, they just NEED to not be a slut. when something they cant understand is just in their bones and says no, i dont want to BEHAVE like a dirty slut, even if my peers do, even if tinder encourages it. im just not wired that way. nope. its gross. it doesnt feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel right. im not that kind of gurl. if some guy is a player pushing for secs, i dump him. i want to really get to know a guy first and i dont have secs unless we are In A Relationship.

DING DING DING WE HAVE A WINNER that is the correct answer. she doesn’t need to do on some bitter diatribe like you do about degeneracy and sin and the sanctity of human life and da joos and a culture of disposability and bla bla bla. you can gently push her towards that and then after 6 months of dating she can be a raging antijooish crusader with you hahahaha.

so what my plan hahahaha. take a shower next time i go, so i dont stink like a person who hasnt taken a shower in 3 days hahahahaha. dont talk about jooish degeneracy, dont say ive been staring at you the past 4 weeks, dont say im a neet omega 35 year old virgin who makes 13k a year. just emphasize the positives. say i am a nice person and a good person and want to meet a nice woman who is Compatible with me. I dont go in for Tinder Culture and you like to play this game i like to play and frankly you are kinda QT. For me. i dunno most other guys would think you are a 6.8 hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha like that neg?

but 6.8 is my 10 hahahaha. shit 6.8 is out of my league, im a 6 at best!

got first paycheck in 17 months hahahahaha. feels pretty good. someone who makes 13k a year should not be paying out 18% in taxes…..but really its only 9% in taxes and 9% in DEDUCTIONS like state pension / health care. which doesnt really benefit me at all. and social security hehehe. i have tried to minimize my state and fed income tax byt claiming allowance, or exemptions on the w4, which i never do, but now i am, because i would rather the money made .0000001% jooish interest for me, rather than go to uncle shmuley.

like to cut back on the coffee here hehehehe. i literally drink coffee all day, over a pot of coffee a day. it doesnt even have an effect on me any more. which is good as regards muh sensitive stomach, but uhhhh i would like to be more awake and alert and energized!!!!!

having a qt mousey 6.8, less than 10 guys gf would prob help with that hahaha.

go to therapy weirdo. hahahaha. well if you make 26k a year and dont go mad and have serious emotional probs that stop you from making 26k a year, be thankful, and prepare to live a Life Without Women.  and go to therapy for at least 10 years, thousands and thousands of dollars, before you are minimally qualified to date a disgusting pigwoman hahahaha. that’s how low your market value is.

i just hate this lie women tell t hat women are not aliens, they are just like men. well, it’s really a JOO lie, the women don’t know its a lie, they are just repeating jooish trash, they dont need to know any better.

but yeah. when i was friends with women, i was like, this is pretty nice, see women arent these weirdass ALIENS, theyre PEOPLE just like you and me.

of course, i didn’t have any Romantic Interest in them. when i DID, then came the whole ALIEN thing.

no, women arent technically aliens……UNTIL you want to interact with them in an Heterosexual, Dating, Relship, Intimate capacity. THEN they are total aliens. and you have to Learn and Use GAME hahahahaha.

aka BE MASCULINE.

if youre just trying to be friends with women, you need no game whatsoever. you can be a neet omega virgin.

then shit gets ridiculous when you start getting more than friendly feelings for your female friend.

just because Our Past makes us the Awesome People we are now, doesn’t mean you can’t be deeply ashamed of the horrible, degenerate, disgusting, shameful things you did in your past!

it’s not the PAST per se that makes you who you are, its you LEARNING from the MISTAKES you made and WORKING to become a better person! doesnt mean you should be HAPPY about those mistakes!!!! you can say, yeah that SUCKED, i was shitty, and I never want to be shitty like that again! NOT i fooked 10000000 guys and im not ashamed at all, i chose you, so you better accept my past!

i’ll accept your past once you REPENT for it.

NO REPENTANCE, NO ACCEPTANCE.

i will FORGIVE just about ANYTHING. my mercy and forgiveness is almost as infinite as GOD’S. but even GOD asks you to be REMORSEFUL for your sins. no you dont have to live in shame for years, but you DO have to realize what you did was WRONG, and genuinely, honestly be sorry for it, and willing to do a penance for it. Can you say this about your GF and her Slut Past? If not, be very afraid. because she’s not done with her slut past. its looking like a slut present and slut future. hell yeah you should judge, especially if she’s not going to!

im very judgmental of other people, but how about myself? EVEN MORE SO! you’re god damn right i am even MORE judgmental of myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!

woman wants to get revenge on her bf who legit betrayed her. i can totally understand revenge. but she wants to go too far for even a legit betrayal. like pushing the guy back into being a drinker, hurting his dying mother, even some say Ghosting is too much, Ghosting seriously fooks people up, don’t do it, its bad karma.

heh. my idea of revenge would be, just send all the noods and sex pictures they sent you, to their family members to show them what a slut they are. probably dont send the pictures to any family who is known to be super old, or dying, cancer, MS, etc. basically to mother and father, if they are not dying.

maybe plastering the noods all around her neighborhood. or sending them to her boss and colleagues. post on facebook wall.

or putting a bag of dog shit on their porch.

i mean i dont WANT revenge any more. i just want her to know what she did was WRONG, that it HURT me, and to be REMORSEFUL for it. also shes not a bad shitty person. so,more than likely, she DOES feel bad about it. well, that doesnt’ make me feel any better, because if she’s a good person, then i want to Be With Her!!!!!! and she is, and I do!

yeah well maybe this qt gurl at the game night is also a nice person. there are lots of good people out there. i tend to stay away from Bad People! that woman not a bad person, she was a pretty darn good person!

the people i associate with are good people! i would be hard pressed to name a single bad person that I actually know! if i get the intuition a person is a real piece of shit…..i stay away from them!

i mean i’ve know some Very Troubled people….but they are still Good people despite their flaws.

yet i WASTE all this time and energy THINKING about BAD people who don’t even really EXIST in my life!!!!!! these FICTIONAL degenerate sluts!

i mean they’re not strictly fiction….. but point is, iTS NOT WORF IT wasting time and energy thinking about this shit for more than 1 minute, unless i actually have a bad person or degen slut in my life giving me Issues!

so i waste a lot of time and energy, cause a lot of pain and anger, thinking about ABSTRACTIONS!!!!!! i mean these things really DO exist, but i tend to shun them in real life! even the sluts i’ve actually dealt with, i can’t say they were horrible people! just troubled and misguided!

heh. i was thinking about starting a Despair Forum where members pay x dollars and in return, they get a shrink or social worker who responds with expert advice every day, every thread. kind like Despair Forums only with an active team of experts who posted on all threads hahahaha.

maybe limited to men only.

i mean its sad. on /relships you see PLENTY of people with despair, or their gf or bf has issues with it, plenty of requests to Go To Therapy for Despair, yet if you look at /despair, its the shittiest sub ever. like, even shittier than /relships. for such a serious problem, it needs more serious discussion on reddit hahahahaha.

2016-12-30-13_24_12-sam-hyde-on-girls-in-college-kickstarter-tv-youtube

hehehe thats pretty funny

i guess this is a sign from GOD tellng me now is the time to become a sam hyde fan, sam is one of ussssssssss……

well i believe sam is a grad of RISD, ie a very top tier art skool, and he is prob butthurt because it didnt make him any money and he is 3000000000$ in debt now hahahahaha. well if THAT doesnt wake you up to the jooish college scam, nothing will. and there are THOUSANDS of college educated middle class shitlibs who are 50k in college debt and still LUV joos and blax and muslims and gays and cheating and abortions. at least sam has seen the light. id like him for him to seriously come out and say “I AM A HUHWHYTE NATIONALIST” but pretty sure he is anyway hahaha.

i just enjoy serious honest interviews more than “playing a character” for comedy. and of course you can be witty and funny in your serious interviews. shit i think he has done some normal talks, i just dont have the time to listen to his 6000000000000000000000000000000 vidyas hahahaha.  i mean i would like if the SPLC just did a report on him already, sam hyde is a WN racist terrorist hahahaha. i mean besides all the school shootings he did hahahahahaha. the fact he got his tv show on adult swim for even a month is insane.

i mean, i see attractive young women pretty regularly…..but rarely do i feel the urge that I SHOULD REALLY APPROACH THAT WOMAN. I will regret not approaching her.

when really i should be bold like a negro and approach every woman i find attractive, which, as i say, is a decent number. well, it wont be after all these 18-21 year old white gurls go back to ((((COLLEGE)))) hehehehe.

they dont need to understand how jooish it is. they just need to not DO THE JOO hahahaha. dont have tinder sex. dont treat people like garbage or objects. dont JOO people.

so GOD is calling me to talk to this gurl somehow. honestly the thing that concerns me most is that she looks really YOUNG. i dont have a problem with that, but the whole world does. if she is like 22 years old, yeah i risk looking like a real CREEPER in public. like why the hell am i interested in a CHILD hahahaha. yeah well fook that. shes a super qt gurl and i am a Single Man. in my heart i know its all right hahahaha. its not like she is 16 or even 18.

besides when i first became friends with that woman, she was 22 hahahahahaha. a CHILD.

really trying to improve my Mint system, and i have. trying to eliminate vague categories like “groceries” or “shopping.” because it had automatically moved stuff from the local supermarket or amazon or paypal or target into one of these categories when something like “clothing” is much more descriptive and useful. shoes, gratitude for fam, coffee, food, etc. books.

heh. i could make up a little business card with a link a Dating Website that i could give to that young woman for her to learn more about me than i can give in a 30 second elevator speech hahahaha. a nontinder nondating website profile hahaha. a general social website. like facebook. but not because i am not on facebook hahahaha. because i am creepy about womenhahahaha.

basically women on Dating Sites go on a lot of Dates, even on the rare chance they are not having lots of gross slutty secs with a lot of sleazy dudes. at the very least, they are going on lots of DATES and sitting through HOURS of guys trying to entertain or interest or impress them. that is a lot of competition. you have to be more interesting than all these guys. guys who have had a LOT more dating and women experience than you. you think, jeez, i wish there were some OTHER way to meet women, i just dont want to meet the types of women who use dating sites. therefore, you have to find women in the Wild who dont look like dating site sluts, and approach them. realizing they could very well still use dating sites and be huge sluts even if they dont LOOK like it hahahahahaha. like That Woman. did not look like a mudshark or a dating site woman, but she was a mudshark and on okcupid and probably tinder.

in her defense, she wasn’t all in on any of those things. she had just dipped the toe in. she could have EASILY turned back. being a decent person, she probably did, and married a nice white boy, gave him many children, and they lived very happily ever after.

https://radio.therightstuff.biz/2016/12/28/rebel-yell-150-sexual-utopia-in-power-f-roger-devlin/

heh i have known about devlin for YEARS, ever since bernard talked about him YEARS ago. little did i know that devlin was proto-alt-right! but yeah i should buy devlins books already. great guy with great perspective on WOMEN. not sure if he has great advice for normal men to find decent women. wish he would talk more about that. maybe he does in this interview. good that he says yes to appearing on a TRS podcast.

http://www.radixjournal.com/journal/2016/12/20/cultural-enrichment-and-sexual-competition

took benedryl.

that feel when you have been using your gf as an “emotional beast of burden” without being aware, and she resents you for it, and says youre very immature and need lots of therapy, but in reality you’re well within your rights, and she should be your beast of burden in this situation by just giving you some comfort when your parent is dying and you are sad. but now you are immature and need therapy.

thankfully reddit agreed that the gf was being rdiculous and immature and he didnt’ necess need therapy just because he vented at her once and was a BUZZKILL at that time.

hehehe i have had severe derpression for almost half muh life and i would never think of doing this to a person, giving them a bullshit ultimatum like that! a guy who would act like this could never get a gf in the first place!

thankfully reddit gave good advice. they DO give good advice 50% of the time!

woman ghosted  by man. i took it alot worse than this hahahaha.

good god. making good money at age 24 AND getting a full ride scholarship and hes not even finished with uni? getting a total POS for a gf when he DESERVES a nice white waifu.

smokin MJ and listen to saor, fuath….and gris again hahahahaha.

SHE COULD GET AWAY WITH NOT DEALING WITH IT

yep

sept 11

heh. not to insult the old friends of mine who are unfortuantely, sadly leftist, but……. i just remembered something that happened on our recent reunion that made me shake my head and told me that there was no hope in trying to Turn these people hehehehe.

basically it was simple, just talking about LB Johnson and how he was such a old school white racist who wanted segregation for blacks. it didnt matter that he was huge democrat and the great society and that he might have done more than any one president to turn our once great nation into a marxist progressive antiwhite disgrace. immigration, welfare, etc. they touched on this, but were like, YEAH BUT he was also a huge old school white racist from texas. he wasn’t a real modern democrat….even though he probably did more SJW shit than any modern democrat. all they saw was an evil white racist.

basically they should be worshipping this guy like he was the next MLK! but no, all they see is a white racist!

because he simply LOOKED LIKE a white normie from texas! just a masculine white man with a texas twang. never mind that his policies opened the door to giving BILLIONS to nonwhites!

really I should have said, YEAH BUT dont you think you’re underestimating the effect of the great society? i mean really, isnt LBJ the greatest person for Civil Rights since MLK? do you really think thats fair just to write him off as an evil white racist? he really wasnt old school at all!

i was just caught off guard by the ridiculousness of it, and also my communication skills were compromised by MJ!

and yet these are decent, moral white people parroting this nonsense!

they cant get past LBJ looking like a FOOKING WHITE MALE to realize the pretty obvious truth that he was a YUGE SJW and pretty much sentenced the white race to death hahahahaha. the fact that he has a twangy accent and wasnt a Marxist Community Organizer is enough for them!

and ultimately he went to do one of the single biggest Marxist Actions our country has ever seen!

doesnt matter, cuz he LOOKS like a traditional white family man. so somehow he was a “conservative democrat”. wtf???????

you could not have a more marxist prez if KARL MARX had been prez!!!!!!!!

why the hell would they signal against LBJ of all people?

because in their mind, he represents Traditional Old School White Racists.

EVEN THOUGH HE DIDNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

in hindsight I should have probed on this absolutely ridiculous discussion, but again, MJ makes me unable to have even simple small talk.

oh and LBJ probably owned a GUN too. he was the type of guy to go HUNTING. and he probably didnt want his daughter to be a race mixing slut. what a racist sexist woman hating black hating bigot racist.

they cant look past these tiny details to see the YUGE OBVIOUS LASTING LEGACY of LBJ!!!!!!

Maybe i am OVERESTIMATING LBJ and the great society pogams in particular.

i mean im sure there were tons of marxist j’s advising him.

hmmmm i have found the new evalion hahahahahah

i bet this channel will be shut down by the time this post posts.

well after 1 minute of inspection she seems less slutty than evalion, but she does have crazy eyes!

not gonna get my hopes up too much here.

but I would wager that shes taken less cox than evalion and might be a better wife and mother.

gonna try to manage expectations tho.

i guess she already did an interview with sinead. i hope sinead does not latch onto her and turn her into even more of a psychopath.

i would feel a lot more comfortable if she (crusader gurl) were doing this with her father or something. what does her father think of all this?

it feeeeels really weird and wrong for very young gurls to get on the frontlines of a very real ideological war. just like with Combat, women SHOULDN’T be doing this. you can support your father or husband or brother who is doing it. make white babies with your white husband. maybe make videos about how awesome being a mother is. and cool it with the hitlers and the swastikas. they make you look like a shill hhahahahahaha.

men can do that, women cant. and even most men dont fathom what theyre getting into when they do that. i say, err on the side of caution and dont go full 1488 until you know exactly what youre getting into. like me hahahaha. and even i dont post hitlers and swastikas. it just looks fishy when a 17 year old gurl on the internet does.

girl on the internet syndrome. beware.

maybe do a show with your strong white boifran. or father.

i should really write to her and try to become her handler. i mean women can REACH alot more people than men. she can get 1000 subscribers in a day where it would take a guy a YEAR. people pay a lot more attention to young purty wimmin. so, tread carefully. she is gonna be under a TON of scrutiny, like evalion, and it didnt take long for evalion to be shut down and probably discredited.

and yes their secs lives ARE relevant, because you want a person with GOOD CHARACTER.

and really….yeah its nice to see women getting into this stuff, but I have NEVER heard something explained MORE profoundly or powerfully by a woman than by a man. NEVER. in other words, a man can ALWAYS say this stuff more persuasively. More Better, hahahahaha.

but the women get more initial views.

and im sure part of it is me being Lonely for a Woman that is Against Race Mixing.

here’s a fun game for you: test women you meet by getting them talking about idris elba or denzel washington. I reckon the MAJORITY of them will take the bait and say DAYUM WHAT A SEXY MAN. MMM HMMMM. I WOULD SUCK HIM OFF RIGHT NOW. I WOULD FOOK HIM ALL NIGHT AND LET HIM BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME.

this is a blatant signal that the woman is open to race mixing.

the ideal woman would get uncomfortable talking about secs, would not say anything publicly, then in private, would tell you shes just not into black guys.

just look for any remark where a white woman talks about a black guy being Handsome or Secsy.

if you’re against race-mixing, you JUST WOULDNT DO THAT.

I never talk about how nonwhite women are good looking! because I honestly dont care! I DONT WANT TO RACE MIX!!!!

well there are a couple jooish and maybe indian women i would bang. but they would probably stink like curry!

and also i have fully thought through the implications of having children with them, and that is something i would never want to do!

but yeah, its just not the DOMAIN of cute innocent doe eyed 16 year old gurls to be talking about this stuff!!!!!

KIND OF like how its not the domain of innocent little gurls to be huge cvm guzzling sluts!

well….i say kind of because those are two VERY different things.  i’m just trying to say that young gurls are JUST TOO INNOCENT for this kind of stuff. it’s TOO MUCH for them. it’s not RIGHT for them to be in it.

kind of like a woman forgoing being a wife and mother so she can be a damn CEO.

it’s just not her natural place. its weird and wrong.

so yeah i hope this gurl acts honorably because its SAD to see a qt innocent young white gurl be a DUMPSTER FIRE. just do what michelle k did and Resign. or do what the truth will live did and stop youtube but just do twitter only.

of course TTWL is 100% jooish. but uhhhh she was really qt and had great alt right ideas and was converting to Catholic. real interesting case.

but yeah its DISTRACTING unless you have your OWN alt right waifu. and probably most waifus could be MADE alt right with your firm, fair guidance.

this crusader gurl looks like a purer, more innocent, lower number gurl than evalion, and i dont want to see another young white girl turn into a dumpster fire for the whole internet to see.

dont look for a gurl with political opinions. find a gurl with basically no political opinions, but who has deep moral opinions about not being a slut, about not fooking blacks, about not murdering her babies. that’s all you need. and finding that will be difficult enough!

heh i am actually tempted to write this girl a message because she might actually read it now, rather than 2 weeks from now, when she has EXPLODED in popularity.

well, sinead has probably already told her how horrible TRS is.

basically TRS needs to take this girl under their wing and use her as a TRS propaganda person. TRS are good, strong, smart men. I trust them hehehe.

hehehe

https://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/

https://voat.co/v/talesfromtechsupport

also i saw some bitch saying that its normal for a 30 year old man to take only 6 months to get over a 2 year relship. yeah maybe if you are some sociopath who just views people as bags of meat, BITCH!

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/

loveshack has like 1700 people on it right now, relship forums has like 400 tops. go with loveshack. i am looking for something with a LOT of people.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/

plus they have a great subforum that is all about That Gray Area where you might be becoming more than friends, or wanting to.

yep the big 400th job app.  next it will be the big 500th hahahaha.

http://archive.is/fdCUL

How to Choose a Wife in a Feminist Society by PA

good blogger, i should directly link to him, got a good alt right racist white mind. i just dont want anyone to know i link to them. go look at his blog and give him a dollar hahahaha.

twitter can be fun sometimes

oh yeah this one was florian geyer. well he doesnt really use it. and his NRx blog only has 2 posts. i was looking to try to find the origin story on this guy cuz i like him. he is great. he is very smart and very funny and will be a great priest but he should have some keeids tho.

here is a guy that is on the fatherland sometimes, seems like a real good guy, and he does a pro family podcast with his WIFE. should prob check that out at some point.

sept 12

welp, was very decisive about getting a haircut today, even though probably didnt really NEED it…..but previous i usually waited TOO long, and today i just wanted to be decisive and get a haircut fairly earlier than last time, PLUS whenever i get a haircut, it boosts confidence, so, really no risk, high reward. waited 66 days this time, 9 weeks or so. this isnt TOO early, I dont think.

had ridiculously disturbing dream with HER in it and it just gets worse. i was bitching at her like  a little bitch, please stop avoiding and ignoring me, just hang out with me already, don’t dump me LIKE THIS, and getting really bitchy and passive aggressive about it, then she was like FINE. FINE. what do you want from me. and then she got up on this ladder or lege or something about 14 feet off the ground and dove headfirst into the ground, grotesquely breaking her own head and neck. absolutely horrifying. that’s not what i was asking for!!!!!! i just wanted to sit down and have an hourlong private talk!!!!

there was an implication that some other guy was also heartbroken and HE had K’d himself the same way, diving headfirst into the ground.

also in another part of the dream, I was grotesquely deformed, like missing half my face, and also that side of my body was all grotestquely deformed. naturally people reacted to the sight of me with horror.  I couldn’t really see myself though, and I didn’t really FEEL horrific.

then I met a qt young woman who was nice to me, did not react with horror, and I wondered, wow, did I miraculously get better somehow? do I really look normal now? or is she just super nice?

so yeah, lot of symbolism there hahahahahahahaha.

and then it went into that super disturbing part with HER and the neck breaking etc. good god how does my brain come up with this horror.

so yeah i am surprised i was not MORE affected by the dream (nightmare!!!!!) but I guess forcing myself to get out and get haircut helped with that.

also in the dream she seemed like a different person. it sorta looked like her, but a more crazy, unstable, bitchy, evil version of her.

basically she did what she did because:

  1. she didnt have Special Feelings for me
  2. She could Get Away with Not Dealing with it.

PERIOD.

some things you are FORCED to deal with. you cant escape from them. this was not one of those things.

i bet she DID feel bad about hurting me. but she did not HAVE to deal with it….so she didn’t. The End. Period. Thats All Folks. That’s ALL it boils down to. I bet she DID feel bad. (Im sure she’s gotten over that LONG ago, though)

2pm sept 2

sheeeeeeeit. sitting at car dealership, they have free wifi thank god. look like a real phaggot wiht muh laptop but this is gonna take at LEAST 90 minutes.

hope nobody steals mh password who is out there packet sniffing hahahahahah.

321 pm

wow that was quick. they said 90 minutes, i expected 2 hours, and i was out of there within 1 hour.

there was a young arab girl reading a Yuge Law Skool Torts Textbook. Good for her going to Law Skool. She looked very bitchy and high maintenance but young and bangable and in Healthy BMI range. not that I advocate Race Mixing but I would bang her if i had to. would not make babies with, OBVIOUSLY!!!!!!

why am i saying this? i guess to get a pity party for my desperation, to describe my desparation, that i would rather bang a healthy young nonwhite than a fat ugly unhealthy white hahahahaha. but i would never BRAG about it or RECOMMEND it hahahahaha.

 

 

NORMIES GONNA NORM

april 20 1488

in the past we would celebrate degenerate MJ day……but as a grown ass man, we know theres only one thing to celebrate today.  AH did nothing wrong, the good guys lost the war.

had a dream with the former woman6, who I removed from that lineup because she really was a huge slut and dirty mudshark and she was not worthy of muh luv. but she was cute and she had a chance, but she just didnt behave herself, and she really was not the kind of nice, chill, kind person I wanted her to be…..which woman2015 was wawawawawawawa. she was just a crazy slut who was seriously affected by her daddy issues and she was probably bipolar too. very very bitchy and annoying. but also very cute and it was nice to be the subject of her interest. get your turn on the ride. be her next cok on the carousel.

of course I never even banged her or even made out with her, and this is a high-number skank who takes the sacred act of secs VERY casually. I mean she has to have well over n > 10, and probably a few abortions hahaha. plus she is a mudshark! she managed to get into a long term relship for once…..but its with some kind of negro or negro looking arab. REALLY hideous guy. she’s a cute white gurl. COME ON.

anyway she’s like 6 years younger than me, and way more successful than me and I havent talked to her in like…..6 or 7 years, wow.

so I had a dream where she invited me over to cuddle and I was like OOOO GOODY!!!! I luv cuddling and I have a crush on her, maybe we can make out too! and it will be so awesome to cuddle for hours and spend the night with her!!

so when I got there there was already another guy in the bed with her. looks like she wants to cuddle with TWO guys tonight. I was kinda disgusted, but I was like ok, I am desperate to cuddle with her, I’ll just get on the other side of her and cuddle with her and if things get too weird with that other guy, I’ll leave.

so then I cuddled right up to her and put my arms around her, holding her. and she sighed and quickly wormed out, it was clear she didnt want such intense cuddling. more like laying next to each other but barely touching. I was like well this is a huge disappointment.

then I was at my house and thinking about her and wanted to invite her over to my house and cuddle with me, but I couldnt get her to respond, hahahaha. yep I was done. no more cuddling with her. My turn on the ride was over. and no doubt she was fooking that other guy in the bed like crazy, and I couldnt even get 2 minutes of Legit Cuddling out of her.

anyway she was the last slut I was ever interested in, and hopefully THE last. really, not ALL women are this bad, and it’s honestly not FAIR to woman2015 to lump her in with this slut. it wouldnt be fair to any decent woman.

she could have been a decent woman too if she had a decent father and were not such a rebellious youth. into drinking and partying and Boiz.

well, this is typical of fatherless gurls. its just weird and interesting and funny and ironic that woman2015 also was pretty much “fatherless” but turned out to be a much better woman.

sheeeeeeit. yeah so i didnt mean

https://forum.federalsoup.com/default.aspx?g=posts&t=41730#post454862

I am trying to determine how good my postal 473 test score of 86.9 is. what is the damn average. there is lots of debate. nobody knows anyhting hahahaha.  i mean I want to do really well on tests, because I do really BAD on interviews. just being average or a slightly above average on the exam isnt gonna cut the mustard hahaha.

https://forum.federalsoup.com/default.aspx?g=posts&t=60580#post702517

also i learned that the huge personality test I took a few weeks ago is factored into that score. and MAYBE if you make your answers TOO good, you lose points. not sure.

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20120404104710AAwZgwj&page=1

http://www.quicktopic.com/33/H/vyMbVFFFZ3Z2q

this suggests you SHOULD be over the top ridiculous with your personality test. and i was. but i still dont know how good an 86.9 is. well if 70 is min and 100 is maximum, AND assuming a bell curve, then 85 would be Average, and I would be slightly above average.

this slut on fx news happening now with the big tits. cover them up whore hahahaha.  its NOT jenna lee even though she is listend as an anchor on the show. wayyyyyyyy sluttier than jenna lee. hahaha. and blond.

its not heather childers.

ok its heather nauert. how is she 46 fookin years old.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heather_Nauert

she has a masters degree in journalism from columbia (top tier program for that hahaha) and is married to an Investment Banker from Goldman Sachs. HAHAHAHAHAHA. what a whore.

-56 calories net calories yesterday. a new record hahahaha.

i cant believe she is 46 though. she must have done mad plastic surgery. usually I can tell with that sort of thing. I mean she looks very very good for 46. just needs to dress more professionally for her Chosen Career.

well dont blame her, blame the management! they make all their women personalities dress like sluts!

duly noted. i don’t doubt it.

ok my goal for today is go to thrift store and look for blue suit coat that kinda fits. might not find one.

AND also to prepare for The Big Interview tomorrow with staffing recruiter. there might be assessment tests in there, even better. cuz SUPPOSEDLY I do better on tests than on interviews hahaha. no actually I do shitty at both and thats why I cant get a 15 DAH job.

never mind a woman whos taken less than 15 cox and has no bastards!

i cant watch this butt slut any more hahahaha.

really not all women are sluts. just some. and it hurts more to get rejected by non sluts. because you know you lost a decent woman. and there are probably more sluts than decent women. 60 40 hahahaha. just cuz that is what our degenerate culture promotes: degeneracy. being a slut. celebrating sluthood.

the worst is being rejected by a good woman in a bad way. that is as disappointing as it gets. then you really blame yourself.

yeah I did screw up and yeah I did do some things wrong. yeah I was annoying and pushy. I ADMIT IT! but I cant stop thinking BUT. BUT that wasnt BAD enough that I didnt deserve some courageous compassion from her hahahaha. but you cant expect people to be COURAGEOUS for you. can you? in a way you can. you can really hope your friends will go to bat for you and not deny you like peter denied jesus hahahaha.

i dont think peter was BETRAYING jesus, but he was definitely DENYING him. and jesus probably didnt feel betrayed so much as he felt sad, denied, and disappointed.

i know that feel exactly hahahahahaha.

well, peter later redeemed himself and apologized i think hahaha. and later gave his life as a martyr for christ. i think hahahaha.

and of course in no way can we say peter was a bad or cowardly person. the man was a saint hahahaha. our first pope.

i think. i think there were two peters. peter and simon peter.

i think BMI is a generally useful enough. epsecally in regards to people looking like potatoes, or fat positive shit with women. basically, if I can fight the good fight and get to a 24 BMI hahahaha then I demand a woman of 24 BMI as well hahahaha.

ok ideally I want to get to 20. at 23.7 now. and of course men are cheaper than women, which is why an 8 man might have to settle for a 6 woman. so if I am 20 BMI, I should expect no better than a 25 BMI woman hahahahaha.

wawawawawaw That Woman wasnt even Overweight either! she had nice meaty thighs and buttocks but I liked those very much! and she certainly had a 24 or less BMI!!!!!! prob even 23!

she was really Too Attractive for me! out of my league!!!!!!

but her family was white trash!

this was a concern I had immediately. then I decided it didnt really bother me becuase they were good decent people who just had hard lives. and as long as they didnt get into drugs they should be fine. besides, white trash is still white. all that matters is that they are decent drug free people. and they were!!!!!!!! so in other words, they werent Too Degenerate White Trash 4 Me!!!!!!

in other words they were GOOD white trash and not bad white trash, therefore, not even really white TRASH at all. white trash is a degenerate ATTITUDE that they did not have. well not her part of the family. the most white trash thing she did was Mudsharked once. Real White Trash mudsharks all the time, had brown bastard babies, has bastard babies with deadbeats, have terrible teeth, curse like a sailor, drop out of high school, are huge sluts, get horrible tattoos, get into meth or painkillers or alcohol, get fat, go tanning, go partying, cheat on their lovers, cause drama, have dirty sticky houses, smoke 10 packs of newports a day, act like negroes basically. she didnt do any of that.

nope. she was and is an honestly decent, great, one of a kind, one in a million woman, and I pushed her too far, and she pushed me too far. it’s so sad and tragic. she was/is a GREAT woman and I didnt want her out of my life, I didnt want her to hate me. She was/is exactly the type of woman I want to wife up 4 Lyfe. and now I have to find ANOTHER one. how hard is THAT gonna be? impossible!!!!!

but maybe that white trash slut waitress will be at the pub tonight hahahaha and I can fook her and he stupid tattoos hahaha.

went to thrift store and indeed found about as good of a navy blue suit jacket as I could have asked. decent fit, and only 4 dollars. also got a new reddish tie. I figure dark blue coat, dark blue pants, red tie, and plain white dress shirt is the best you can do. look like TRUMP. I heard that if you wear a shirt with STRIPES on it, as I usually like white dress shirts with narrow STRIPES on them, that means you are not a team player and are less likely to be hired than if you wear a plain, unstriped white or maybe even blue shirt. Wouldnt risk blue though. just wear a plain white dress shirt. with big yellow pit stains hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. so thats why you wear the dark blue jacket!

and, finally, I would like to get a Light Gray jacket, hopefully for 4 bucks at the thrift store.

I wonder if there is an online thrift store hahaha like amazon but for thrifts.

get a job wear you have to wear a suit……then wear the SAME shitty suit EVERY DAY, day after day. dont even change the shirt or pants or tie hahahaha.  that will impress your TEAM and your superiors hahahaha.

governor of utah declares porn toxic and bad and an epidemic and a public health crisis. well i wouldnt disagree with them! good to see a govt saying porn is bad! because it IS!!!!!!! note they did not make it illegal. i dont think they could. but i think it is a great thing just to come out and say THIS IS BAD.

I dont even know how to prepare for this. its not just for one possible job. i mean its a temp agency hahaha.

Ok I made a One Sheeter. one page in open office. size 9 font, .4 inch margins. here it is, pasting it here for YOUR benefit::::::::::::

 

April 21 2016. Agency name. INterviewer name.
I am looking for an entry-level, trainee, or assistant position in an office, production, or warehouse setting.
I am an enthusiastic problem-solver and motivated self-starter.
I have a bachelors degree in uselessness in which I strengthened my communication and critical thinking skills, and I have completed almost 80 additional credits in Business and Information Technology to strengthen both of those skill sets.
I am eager to hit the ground running and provide value to a good fit organization.
My best fit organization would be one that provides good value to its clients and has good long-term leadership.
Agency’s goal is to partner with employers to find best-fit candidates that will help their business and their community succeed.
I want to help Agency achieve its goal of finding best-fit candidates that will help businesses and communities succeed. I would like to be one of these best-fit candidates.
I know “Agency has been one of the most successful and trusted recruiting firms for more than 60 years” in: Administrative & Support, Light Industrial, Information Technology, Accounting & Finance, Sales & Marketing, Human Resources, Legal, Retail/Wholesale, Manufacturing & Production, Banking.
I am a great fit for all of these fields except I am not an ideal fit for the inbound call center environment unfortunately. I excel at delivering service to inbound callers, but I prefer to balance inbound phone work with other tasks as well. I am very capable at resolving technical issues, but I sometimes struggle when there is a high volume of very complex calls.
I excel with a minimum of supervision and handholding, and seek to maximize my organization’s resources. I do not need my worked checked excessively. That being said, I do appreciate having access to experienced, senior team members in case I do have a question about a complicated procedure or a high-urgency, high-value task. I want to deliver service of the highest quality to my organization’s clients, and I seek to develop a good sense of perspective and judgment as quickly as possible, but I appreciate the privilege of being able to ask a limited number of questions while I am working through the initial learning curve. I would never inconvenience senior colleagues with repetitive questions, however. I generally say, if you can’t figure it out in 10 minutes, ask somebody, however this is always open to modification on case-by-case basis, depending on the number of complex questions, the amount of documentation and reference materials available, and the number of senior team members available.
I unfortunately had to take a leave of absence to handle a family situation. It was a carefully weighed decision accompanied by strict financial planning. Once we resolved the situation and put safeguards in place to ensure it would not happen again in the future, I contacted my employer about returning. Unfortunately, they replied that the business needs had been lower than anticipated, and that a round of layoffs had already started. I would be eligible for rehire next season (July 2016) due to my excellent and reliable performance however. I encourage you to contact my manager “Mr Big” with any questions. Please see my list of references.
I like to think outside the box and come up with solutions to problems. Whenever possible, I like to solve problems at their root, rather than using workarounds or bandaid fixes, or putting out fires. However I appreciate that time is money, and that fires can happen. I also appreciate that sometimes it costs too much money and time to do a full root cause analysis, so in some complex situations, we have to take our best guess, take quick action, and correct course later if needed.
I have a very good communication style and can handle urgent situations and difficult clients. Don’t interrupt, show empathy, listen actively, repeat their issue back to them to show you’ve understood, ask gently probing questions to get more information. Tell the client what your plan is and how you are going to follow up with them. Always make sure the client is satisfied before you close a case. Take ownership and show accountability for your work. If you don’t have the tools to fix the client’s problem, personally introduce them to a person who does.
A weakness is that I have struggled in sink-or-swim environments in the past, but I quickly learned to adapt. Change and growth is difficult and involves being pushed out of your comfort zone. Once I got used to being outside of my comfort zone, I gradually become less flustered and was able to solve problems more efficiently. I also use flashcards and a regular regiment of study in my personal time so that I am able to quickly power through learning curves, and hit the ground running during my workday, rather than waste time trying to figure things out. I take the initiative to study and learn work-related skills on my own personal time.
Are these 1099 or w2 positions? How many positions are temp-to-hire? How many are temporary contract? Does a temporary contract ever get converted to a direct hire? I am looking for a long-term opportunity ideal, where I have the opportunity to learn many skills and wear many hats.
I am a high-energy and outgoing team member, and communicate very well with clients and team members, however I am also an introvert and ideally prefer a small amount of quiet time to accomplish work tasks.
I also handle complex situations very well, but I do prefer a mix of the less complex along with the more complex.
I tell you this to help you find the best fit for me personally. Given a choice between a high-complexity and high-urgency position with higher pay, I would choose a lower-pay position if available. I enjoyed communicating with clients and solving complex urgent problems at the tech support call center job, but my best fit would be a lower volume of calls, some time off of inbound phone duty, and a slightly reduced number of highly complex issues. As I say, I enjoy working on complex issues and I’m skilled at solving them quickly, but I prefer a balance of less complex and more complex. Less urgent and more urgent. This is a win-win for both me and my employer, and enables me to be more productive and produce more value.
At the end of the day, I am looking to add value to this company and your clients. Hiring a candidate is an expensive risk, and I want to make good on your risk, and ultimately cut costs for your organization. I want to minimize costs and maximize profits, so that the company gets a good return on investment for choosing to invest in me.
If a client asks you a question you don’t immediately know the answer to, and again this is something I used to struggle with but have since greatly improved, you say: here’s what I know, here’s what I don’t know, here’s how I’m going to figure it out, and here’s when I’ll follow up with you.
I am great at converting unknown unknowns into known unknowns, and then finally into known knowns, all as quickly as possible.
In order to think outside the box, you need to LEARN THE BOX first. This can be challenging in a new workplace, where you have no sense of intuition or judgment on what is right or what is wrong. Many times the RISKS are NOT obvious. Crossing a busy street would entail obvious risks even if you had never seen a street or a car. The risks in very specialized business processes are much less obvious. Something may look right to you but actually be wrong. This is why I take the initiative to train myself and build relationships with senior team members, so as to get through the learning curve as quickly as possible. Someties you have to sacrfice your personal time in the pursuit of excellence. I have a commitment to excellence.
UNDERPROMISE and OVERDELIVER. …….. don’t just COMMUNICATE, but BUILD RELATIONSHIPS. … WHY is the most valuable question because it gives us deep understanding of a process, and allows us to find root causes of problems. However we must never lose sight of business needs, and understand when the question of why becomes an expensive wild-goose chase.
Tough-mindedness, grit, determination. I used to struggle at this but I soon improved this deficit. You need to be determined and focused on a goal, and sometimes this involves telling the client bad news they don’t want to hear. It’s better to not candy-coat this. Just be honest. Honesty is the best policy. Also realize that this is a BUSINESS NOT A CHARITY. Constantly giving large discounts will indeed make clients VERY happy, but it’s simply not sustainable for the company.

I am very happy to take as many assessments and skill tests as possible to help you determine best fit, and also to demonstrate my problem-solving and communication skills. Please give me some business problem simulations and I will gladly discuss my thought process in approaching these problems.
I am very skilled at taking a detective’s mindset. Solving problems and thinking like Sherlock Holmes. Looking at all pieces of potential evidence and putting together a timeline. Distinguishing causation from mere corrolation. Figuring out what is relevant and what is not. And doing all this quickly so as not to waste clients time or my company’s time. Think like a DETECTIVE, and operate like a SURGEON.
Sometimes it’s better to give 99% to every case or client rather than to give 120% to every case. Assuming that you would be the only one to notice that extra 21%, and that your client would be no less satisfied with 99%. In our global 24/7 world, speed is more important than ever before. We must maintain high standards of quality, but we have to appreciate that speed is every bit as valuable as quality, and it often is not worth it to sacrifice speed for a marginal improvement in quality.

You have to UNDERSTAND something in order to EXPLAIN it to confused clients. For this reason, it is very important to understand your products and procedures as fully and quickly as possible, and I am very willing to sacrifice the personal time in order to independently self-train on these items. This is a standard expectation and responsibility of any LEARNING POSITION!!!!! You have to be willing to put in that time.
What is the difference between a good agent from a great agent? Is there any kind of intranet, knowledge base, caseload management, CRM, ERP which is available outside of the office for self-study purposes? May I get access to a VPN so I can study company resources from home?
I have EXCELLENT attendance. I always report to work early and very often stay late. I am the complete opposite of a CLOCKWATCHER. If I have to stay late in order to get the job done, I will be a team player, and complete the job. However I am very conscious of overtime costs and will not clock more than 40 hours unless specifically directed by my supervisor.
I go above and beyond to meet any and all quality metrics. There is always room for improvement and I like the challenge of improving all the metrics on my scorecard.
I treat EVERYBOD Y with the Golden Rule. So simple, yet so valuable. There’s no need to take a bad attitude out on other people, and there’s no reason to take other people’s bad attitude personally. Just let it roll off you like water off a duck’s back.

Ideally I am looking for 12 to 15 dollars an hour, but very negotiable. Ideally I am looking for 1st shift first, second shift second. Ideally I am not the best fit for a Call Center.
Ideally I am looking for something within 10-15 miles from city, zip. I do have reliable transportation.

////END ONE SHEETER

then you bring that into the interview and have it in front of you. that’s pretty good huh. if I can emphasize all those points.

Uhhh you know what, I might allow a TWO sheeter if your one sheeter is like size 7 or 6 font, thats SO small you can barely read it. so just crank up the font until your one sheeter is now 2 sheets. might do that with the above one.

anyway yeah what happened is just SAD. I embarrassed myself and pushed away a decent person. but she could have done a little bit more tho. but that doesnt make her a dirty slut. she was overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed AS FOOK. shit i was overwhelmed TOO. and what resulted was just SAD. almost sadder than a DEATH. death makes SENSE and give Closure compared to this. Yep in a way its worse than death hahaha. cuz were both still alive. she is living her life and just wants to be done with me and i am living my life and I wish she was still in it, muh life was better with her in it and then she just left wawawawawaw. well she didnt just leave, i made her leave. i pushed her away hahahahaha.

its just so SAD. the SADDEST ending of a rel ever. cuz we had a real rel AND she was a really good person AND it ended in a sad horrible way.

its not like we never knew each other, like with the other sluts; its not like she was a slut, like those sluts.

its just SAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDD as fook.  the whole situation is sad. I am sad hahaha. i think about it and get sad. so dont think about it hahahahaha. easier said than done. when you lose a great person you didnt want to lose.

i mean what she did is not good……but plenty of people do A LOT worse. like cheating. cheating is SO common and its SO many times worse.

also stuff like manipulation and narcissism. very common, and also very worse.

lots of people have trouble being courageous. i do too. i am a coward too.

so i cant really BLAME her. i CAN wish she acted a little better though.

I wish I acted a little better too though! I’m really a decent person I swear! I dont do bad things like cheating, narcissism, manipulation, entitlement!!!!! I just am like the cowardly lion, I wish I had more courage to deal with things STRAIGHT UP.

she’s not a bad person, I’m not a bad person, we were technically really good for each other, we got along really well, but she just didnt have special feelings. and i went crazy and i pushed her and she went crazy and it was a very sad ending to a very beautiful, special, important relationship. how am I ever going to find something taht special again. I wish she had just chosen me hahaha. woke up to what a good thing it would be. we could be really good to each other.

so SAD. I would much rather be MAD than SAD. saddest “breakup” of muh life.

gotta shave beard clean off tomorrow, babyface. that is gonna be interesting.

 

ACCEPT THE OCCAM EXPLANATION / RUN AWAY / SLVTDAR

feb 23

had a dream last night with HER in it, but thankfully i dont remember much. i think we were both being passive aggressive to each other: nice on the surface, but not so nice not so far beneath the surface. i think i was trying to get her to hang out and was disappointed she kept avoiding it, and so i was a little upset about that. sound familiar hahahaha.  anyway thank GOD the dream was not too intense. not gonna ruin my day. it was short and i remember very little about it.

are women on christian mingle dotcom less slutty and disgusting than women on okcupid or tinder? it seems tinder skews young which is good…..but young also skews slutty which is bad. problem is, those older women arent any better. they were young sluts once, and you cant undo all those cox they took. now they just might be more slow to the secs because they are looking for a REAL MAN to support their bastard kids from a badboy. they are now old and mature enough to make YOU pay for the casual sex of their Slut Past. NOPE.

of course i hate casual sex, but i also dont like it when women give it away to everybody (but me hahaha) when they are young, then try to pretend they are a Decent Marriageable Woman when they get older. near 30.

its not like praying the gay away hahahaha. you just cant pray the slut past away hahahaha.

this is why i prefer women who were NEVER sluts EVER.  devalue yourself even once, devalue yourself forever. NOT EVEN ONCE.

why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

why commit to a 30 year old with kids who are not yours, when she was giving up dat ass to everyone when she was 20 and looked a lot better? even created New Human Life with some of them?  you kinda HAVE to have children with her to kind of balance the scales……but would you really WANT to? NO! every man wants his children to be born by a woman where her first child is HIS!!!!! you WANT to be the father of a womans FIRST child!!!! pop her child bearing cherry hahahaha. hehehe that sounds degenerate, but its really a beautiful and sacred thing.

POST SHRINK WRAP UP

hehehe been seeing the shrink every 3 weeks. had a decent session today where i went right for what i really wanted to talk about: that person and how can i get over her. dealing with this pain. getting over her. moving on. basically became a talking version of this blog hahahaha.

i told the shrink (LMSW 36 year old woman, not some fancy rich j00ish phd or god forbid md psychiatrist, so “shrink” sends the wrong message. this is a place where REAL Working Class people go, or also court ordered people. real people with real problems, and i would wager some of them get Real Help! I am very satisfied with the quality of muh “therapist” which I believe is what they call themselves. therapist or counselor. social worker hahahaha. clinical social worker.)

my concern that i wanted a dr phil court of relationship law authority to weigh the evidence and say that i didnt do anything WRONG, that i had not done a horrible crime. the shrink played the dr phil role and repeated that i had done nothing wrong. i am a gentle kind person who does not do monstrous things. i didnt do anything bad or horrible and i certainly didnt deserve this.

and rather than take the interpretation that she HATES me and ACCUSES me of doing something WRONG, its really a more LIKELY explanation that she was just like a frightened animal. completely overwhelmed, oh crap i dont know what to do i dunno what to do i dunno what to do, so you run away! run away!!!!!! she didnt know how to deal with it, so she just decided NOT to deal with it AT ALL. just run away from it. doesnt mean she hates me. she probably DOESNT hate me. because we were friends and she appreciated that. but she had NO idea how to deal with the feelings that i was showing. she probably read those signals correctly and said NO. I CANT HANDLE THAT. THIS CANT BE. and decided to run away from it.

shrink said she seems kinda BASIC in that she’s a first level thinker, not gonna overthink stuff too much, and the simplest solution is probably the best here: she just was confused, overwhelmed, and scared, fight or flight kicked it, so she flew. fled. fleed. she prob doesnt HATE me and is not saying i did anything WRONG, although yeah you can see how i could take that interpretation of it. it is a valid interpretation of the event. but not the only one, and probably not the simplest one. and she was a pretty simple person. simple. basic. not the sharpest knife in the drawer. first level. not a deep thinker. not an overthinker. slightly dim and dull. the constant MJ did not help either.

saying that she thought this was a betrayal and hates me…well thats an extra step for a very simple mind. basically she just felt overwhelmed, confused, couldnt deal with it, didnt want to deal with it, and ran away, and is certainly not going to come back to deal with the fallout. just literally avoid it forever and forget about it.

she probably didnt realize how STRONG my feelings were and when it dawned on her exactly how strong they were, she got scared and confused and overwhelmed. it wasnt just some little crush. and yeah i understand how that could be a scary thing, to have someone LOVE you when you dont LOVE them back.

what do you do when you are scared and confused? RUN AWAY! it doesnt mean you hate the person or think they wronged you…..especially when you used to be good longterm friends. she probably DOES feel bad. she’s just too afraid to DEAL with it. she doesnt WANT to deal with it. she wont contact me, and she will block me when i try to contact her. she literally just cant even.

of COURSHE that sucks even more for me, that its like insult on top of injury. that i am hurt MORE by her being a Frightened Animal than by here simply saying sorry i dont feel the same way, sorry.

really i just wanted my FEELINGS ACKNOWLEDGED. rather than blocked. no one INTENDS to harm the one they are dumping…..but dumpings are INHERENTLY painful, so the COURTEOUS thing to do is say, i KNOW this hurts you, and IM SORRY. even if you didnt technically do anything wrong. just be sorry for their pain. show some compassion in the face of their pain. that you are unintentionally causing. acknowledge their feelings as real.

anyway i said i wouldnt be doing any detective work anymore to find any more of her dating profiles.

its not like i did this obsessively, i did it ONCE. well….

i DID try to get on tinder with the intention of finding her. when technical issues stopped me from getting on tinder, i then tried okcupid. found her so fast its not even funny. looked at the profile ONCE. then soon after deactivated my okcupid so i wouldnt look at her profile ever again.

i do not obsessively, constantly look at profiles in other words. i stopped doing that shit when i was 25 or so hahahaha. i mean post rejection. pre rejection, i looked at the fb profiles all the time.

i expressed my displeasure with the Moral Relativism Slippery Slope that nobodys responsible for anything because everythings a matter of perception. NO. some things are literally wrong and are not merely just in your head.

so she did something wrong, but there was probably not malice behind it. she was just a simple creature. i kind of like that in women, because it makes you kinda a protector or patriarch; AND it ensures they wont be concocting elaborate schemes to screw you and hurt you. and will have less complicated hamster rationalizations.

but it also means they sometimes obtusely miss the obvious. or they get scared by complicated things like friends getting feelings and dont know how to deal with it.

just make this problem go away. i cant deal with it.

yeah its kinda shitty of me to do but i just cant deal with it. i just cant talk to him at all. so its shitty of me. so be it, i cant talk to him. yeahs its shitty of me, yeah im sorry to hurt him, but i just CANT talk to him. period. no hate or malice. just total paralysis and fear and running away and avoidance. period.

and there is plenty of explanation why she Is That Way: tough childhood, father abandoned her, that explains everything always. shit yeah its SAD.

but yeah just because she might not HATE me, doesnt mean she secretly wants to talk to me again, she just needs to be Pushed or Approached by me. see how good pushing worked in the past. what i needed to do was say THIS ENDS NOW, enough of this, i want to hang out soon or i will not be happy, you make some TIME for me baby. i want to hang out with you, why dont you want to hang out with me? why are you AVOIDING me INDEFINITELY?

also i looked at a message she sent me in april i think, and she said, and i quote, “OF COURSE WE’LL HANG OUT SOON”. now THAT is the DEFINITION of a MIXED MESSAGE.

to say we’ll hang out soon, and then continue avoiding me for months. MIXED MESSAGE. what was i SUPPOSED to think???? and of course i wanted to hang out. that was my ideal hahahaha. and i had an idealized vision of her, because thats what LUV DOES. you IDEALIZE the other person. put them on a little bit of a PEDESTAL. which is what Kabob Rapist PUA Manospheres dont seem to understand.

i do blame women because women are the gatekeepers of sex, they CONTROL THE SUPPLY. so there would not be these sleazy pickup artists, if there were no sleazy women giving it up to them. the women could just say no. JUST SAY NO TO CASUAL SEX. and i would wager only a very SMALL minoirty of those pickup sleazebags are ACTUAL rapists, in other words, if a woman refuses, the PUA will say ok fine baby, i’ll just go bang some other skank then. he’s not gonna hold the woman down and raep her. they may be degenerate, but theyre not THAT evil.

so yeah just say no to sodomy, ie degenerate sex, casual sex, and then the pua’s will disappear because there wont be any SLUTS to have casual sex with them!!!!

this doesnt absolve pua’s of all responsibility though. they should just say no to sluts. kinda hard for guys to turn down secs though. but still. to make a lifestyle and a whole movement about banging sluts your WHOLE LIFE LONG, thats fooking degenerate. maybe bang a FEW sluts at most, but you should be married to a nice gurl by the time you are 25 and she is 18 hahahaha and then immediately start having children.

as they say on the daily show episode 72

https://radio.therightstuff.biz/2016/02/17/the-daily-shoah-72-peanut-butter-gasmask-sandwiches/

dont Go Your Own Way, rather, Get Your Own Wife!!!!!

basically, being a PUA is like being a r-selected negro. MUH DICKIN your whole life, banging anything that moves, pump and dump, abandoning your children, being a deadbeat, only thinking about MUH DICK. we are BETTER than that.

of course this doesnt mean Man Up And Marry Those Sluts. NEVER Marry a Slut, or even an Ex Slut.

well, unless she is ASHAMED and REPENTANT of her slut days, wasnt TOO big of a slut back then, and could write you a 10,000 word essay right now on Why Slutting Is Bad and Shameful, and you could read it over and say yep she understands. ie not “being a slut is wrong because it makes jesus cry.” NO. of course it DOES, but thats not why its wrong. its wrong because it degrades the sacred purpose of sex and the sacred RESPONSIBILITY of women as life creators.

THINK LESS WITH YOUR CLITORIS AND MORE WITH YOUR UTERUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#ThinkWithYourUterusNotYourClitoris

#TWYUNYC

being a slut is the equivalent of being a MUH DICK PUA. muh clitoris. muh tingles. muh recreational casual no strings attached secs. NO. there SHOULD be strings attached. ALWAYS. strings are GOOD AND NATURAL AND RIGHT AND JUST.

cuz i admit, its HARD to find a woman who hasnt had a Slut Phase when she was Young and Stupid. I did stupid shit when i was young, lots of it, and i regret it now, and i’ve ALREADY written MANY 10,000 word essays on WHY its wrong and shameful to be a damn degenerate hedonist smoking MJ and drinking alcohol all the time, and being a damn coward not grabbing life by the horns, taking the path of least resistance. fook yeah i was a degenerate too, so i have NO RIGHT to turn down sluts.

SLUTS ARE THE BEST I CAN GET hehehehe.

yeah well i still dont like em. i dont care if i dont have the right to not like them hahahaha i will dislike them anyway.

but yeah she was not the sharpest knife in the drawer. part of that came from the MJ but i think part of it was natural too. especially when it came to THinking and Talking about Relationships. i was 9000000000000000 times more articulate and Intelligent than her in this area.

the better interpretation is that she jsut got SCARED, CONFUSED, and OVERWHELMED, said I cant deal with this, and just ran away.

NOT she HATES me for BETRAYING her. that is a bridge too far and she might not have been Sophisticated enough to come up with such a sophisticated error in logic.

well women arent logical of course but…..i mean the second situation is just more complicated and we should really go with occams razor just because why not. it would do ME a hell of a lot better to do occams razor, PLUS there is at LEAST a 50% chance the occam option is the correct one, so why not choose it????!!??!?!?!

lars ulrich is 25% jewish today i learned hahahaha from hearsay on his wikipedia hahahaha that one grandmother was jewish hahahahaha. yes it seems to check out. his full white grandfather married a jewish woman and lars father is thus half jewish hahahaha.

well, what if That Woman was not a Full Jew? if she were only a half jew, then lars would only be 12.5% jewish. and that’s not so bad is it?

its twice as good as being 25% hahahahaha.

for ME, 6.25% would be the MAXIMUM i would tolerate for mothers of muh children. the absolute maximum.

hehehe how many blacks would i tolerate the mother of my white children to have fooked in her colaburning past?

uh well at least one apparently HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

i cant even see myself supporting two. one is real iffy, two is just over the line.

also, its REALLY RARE that a woman is just with ONE black guy. AND they havent been with a lot of guys total. 99% of the time, if they been with one black guy, they’ve been with a LOT of guys, period, too many, and PROBABLY more than ONE black guy in there.

so i was facing a REALLY RARE UNIQUE situation in my own life. do i accept a woman who had been with one and only one black guy, and not a lot of guys total? i mean this sounds like a total UNICORN!

but that was the reality. well, NOW, she is probably going to BECOME a slut, add a LOT of guys to her once-small number, and PROBABLY add some more black guys to that too. damn. its SAD to see a nonslut BECOME a slut. and at an older age too. its SAD. usually a slut is a slut by the time they are 21. they dont START BEING a slut well AFTER 21. but thats the risk she is facing.

i guess i WANT her to become a slut because then it proves that i will have dodged a bullet. but what if she continues being a Prudent, Low Number, Non Casual Sex Liking woman? Virtuous and Moral? well good for her and her future husband hahahaha. bad for me hahahahaha.

yeah its just jeeeeeez. wish she coulda been more mature. just wrote a damn email, a text, had someone ELSE send a message on her behalf, done ANYTHING.

but its better to think of it as her RUNNING AWAY than her “throwing me away like a piece of garbage.”

but fook i sure feel like i was TALAPOG.

well, MUCH better to think of it as her RUNNING AWAY than her Punishing Me for Committing a Crime against her, or her Actively Hating me for a wrong reason, and doing this to me because of that hate.

she was just scared and completely overwhlemed.

oh well thats my FAULT though. i made her get completely overwhelmed.

yeah well my feelings werent gonna change. and she could have hung out wiht me rather than AVOIDED hanging out for 10 months, WHILE saying things like “yes we will hang out soon!”

0224

yeah so i think that was a real productive meeting with the shrink.

but it introduced a new bad idea: if i buy into the Healthier Occam explanation of she doesnt HATE me, she’s not MISUNDERSTANDING me as “betraying her”, and that in reality she was just scared and overwhlemed and didnt want to deal with it and Ran Away………THEN that might make her more likely to respond to me contacting her, than if she hated me. if she doesnt hate me, then i have a better chance at getting her to apologize to me.

and if she doesnt HATE me, perhaps I could Convince her to hang out with me again, we got along so well, lets restart our friendship, we are good people who are good for each other.

and then if i hung out with her, i would ABSOLUTELY try to make a Move on her; i would fall in love with her IMMEDIATELY, the love feelings would CERTAINLY come rushing back the moment she responded to me, and i would be scheming and pushing her to hang out and i would be ALL OVER HER trying to date her.

and that has NEVER worked out well. i have “Rekindled” things with woman2004 and 2005, and it sucked with both of them. i should have never went barking up those trees. it took courage yes, but it also did no good for me. i just got my hopes up AGAIN, and they disappointed me AGAIN, and i hated them more.

also, yes i would like an apology, but would it really be WORTH IT to reach out to her and ask for it? given all those others, given that my ultimate goal would be to Get With Her, no it wouldnt. PLUS what i really want is an unforced, unprompted apology. i want her to apologize of her own free will, not because i ask her to apologise. also, the ball has been in her court since……always really. since she started AVOIDING me in fooking fall 2014. so now im gonna send another ball to her court asking for an apology? fook no. the apology isnt WORTH IT if THATS what i have to do to get it.

PLUS: even if i COULD convince her to apologize, and convince her hang out….you think she would be all excited and happy and lovey dovey at that hangout? i would be trying to touch her and make out with her and she would probably be like ew no. im fooking 3 guys from tinder right now and you are just too weird. dont you remember when i said i wasnt into you.

and I would look pushy, because it WOULD be kinda pushy, and she would REALLY see me as the bad guy, AND she wouldnt understand or care about my pain abotu being thrown away. she would say UGH im GLAD i threw you away because you are a pushy annoying little faggot bitch, trying to scheme your way into muh pants. gtfo weirdo creeper, our friendship has been over for a long time. without taking any responsibility for the terrible ending of that friendship.

heh. this is the bad thing about being pushy. i dont think its the biggest crime in the world but women HATE it and its enough to convince them you’re the bad guy and they did NOTHING wrong and are RIGHT to treat you like shit. i dont think being pushy is that bad! i agree its not awesome, its beeta and weak, but its not as BAD as these women make it out to be!

so the alternative to being pushy and needling and wheedling and trying to Chip Away at them…..is to be direct and say…..i still have feelings for you, do you wanna try Dating? and i would have to say that very early. cuz that is my intention. i dont WANT to rekindle a platonic friendship, i still want to DATE her.

and what do you think she would say? UGH. SIGH. I JUST DONT KNOW. I NEED SOME SPACE.

HINT: THIS MEANS NO.

and then i would try to give them space, she would continue avoiding the issue, i would get impatient finally and start being pushy, and the more i pushed, the more she would shut down and pull away. just like what happened before. except maybe with more communication.

and theres a good chance that she would not be capable of GOOD communication on this. it would always be UGH. stop pushing me. stop being annoying. i dont know. im not sure. i dont know. i dont know. this is not fun. the guys from tinder are FUN. they dont ask all these intense questions.

she would always have one foot out the door in other words. she would not be fully committed to me. she wouldnt even be able to say YES or NO. she would say I DONT KNOW but PROBABLY mean NO. And I would have the pain of seeing her, and seeing her reject me, and seeing her grow to hate me, seeing her fook Fun Diseased Degens from Tinder, while being bitchy and avoiding me. more than likely ending in a Second Dumping, and maybe even a Second Ghosting, and this time I could be SURE that she hated me, for being pushy and annoying, AND would care even LESS about hurting me, because i was really a Jerk, she didnt realize what a Jerk I was, but I am, and I deserve to be shut down harshly.

it would likely play out like that, and thus be even WORSE than when i rekindled with w04 and w05. with them i was able to guilt them into a few make-out sessions. which got my hopes way up. but they didnt really want to date me tho, and essentially ended up dumping me a second time, and boy did i hate them for that. but i really brought it all on myself.

it would be DIFFERENT if she contacted ME, she apologized to ME unprompted, she asked ME to hang out, and she showed a lot of concern about MY feelings, and sincere remorse for hurting me, AND said YES to the idea of Dating, rather than I DUNNO. If she came up to me out of the blue, and was super NICE, and smiling and warm; and i touched her and she smiled, and then we started making out, and there would be no UGH or SIGH or Stahp It. Just Stahp. but rather yes, i have been thinking about this, and i think yes there is a good chance here. then THAT would be different.

but imagine if i through my pushiness i guilted her in to making out with me, and then having secs with me, and after just a little making out and one secs session, i would be more in luv with her than ever before. and imagine if she were to dump me right after that. i would be just as devastated as i was before, maybe even more, after having penetrated her soft white body which would DEFINITELY cause my feelings to get even STRONGER.

basically, she would need to have as STRONG of feelings for me as i have for her…..and that is basically IMPOSSIBLE.

I wouldnt need just a YES, in other words, but a STRONG YES.

when more than likely i would get an uncommittal, avoidant IDUNNO.

IF i were able to convince and push her to hang out.

because its still 70% chance at least that she would just not respond ANYWAY. She would be VERY likely to say, OH GOD ITS HIM AGAIN, HES BACK!!!!!! and then switch RIGHT back into flight mode and avoid, ignore, and block me. because she cant deal with it. i cant even.

also, if we reconnected, we would HAVE to deal with the fallout of the past. deal with that baggage of how things ended in the first place. deal with the things that led up to that. not just ignore those things and attempt to start off on a clean slate. becuase its not a clean slate and can never be, with past shit like that. the past is the past, its done and gone, but here IMHO we would NEED to resolve it, because its fooking unresolved as fook.

i think with the previous women where i reconnected, we never really dealt with the past, just ignored it.

also, they had just lost interest in me the second time around. shit they lost interest the FIRST time around, thats why they dumped me: they were just not interested in a rel. they were all idunno until a few weeks/months with the likes of me, mr needy and clingy, got them to make up their mind, to a DEFINITE NO.

and with That Woman, we never made out, had secs, or pseudodated in the first place! there was no ambiguity of us Going Through the Motions of an Intimate Relationship, doing things Lovers Do, like Making Out and Secs and Romance.

which is the benefit of having Romance Early. but then they always want to have Secs too early too. sluts. romance early is good because you’re signalling to each other that you view each other with Potential, you find each other attractive, youre interested in possibly dating them, you possibly might like like them, or get feelings for them.

its different than Friends First where one person has feelings, and the other person doesnt. its less one sided in other words.

that doesnt mean Friends First would never work. I still really like the idea of Friends First. I think Friends First guarantees that your feelings are strong and real and longterm. however its more painful when you get rejected hehehehe.

so, ideally, you would be Friends First, then BOTH people gradually develop feelings after time. BOTH.

also, just wanted to mention that there was no tension when i first met her and she was with the first guy, because i WONT EVEN ALLOW myself to get feelings for a woman who is not available, who has a longterm boifran. I will put her OFF LIMITS in my mind RIGHT AWAY. thats essentially what i did with her. i was like, shes got a boifran, well then she is off limits. simple as that. she’s just off limits. im not gonna get TOO close with her, I’m gonna keep this very professional and platonic. and i had no problem doing that.

but once that BF was GONE, i started feeling differently. this was NO COINCIDENCE. now that she WAS single, I was able to ALLOW MYSELF to start thinking about her differently. and THEN the tension came in.

but point is, I dont think its BAD to “force yourself” to consider the person “off limits” while they are with someone else. it doesnt seem like forcing. i honestly didnt have tension with her then, and didnt think of her that way. i didnt write about it, i didnt THINK about it.

literally! notice that before I Got Feelings, I barely even WROTE about her, other than to say she was a very nice girl, a decent female friend, and its kinda WEIRD that i’m not in luv with her, but i respect the rel she has with her BF, and i honestly have no desire to interfere with that. and that was true!

it was only AFTER they were done, that shit started getting PROBLEMATIC hehehehe.

I am really good at stopping feelings from starting i guess. oh hey thats good if i ever want to start having degenerate casual sex, i can force myself not to ever get feelings hahahaha.

well no. i think when you make out, cuddle, and especially have SEX with someone, it triggers something primal in your brain, oxytocin probably, and it MAKES you have feelings for them, and you shouldnt try to extinguish that, or else you become a cold heart cok carousel rider with the 1000 cok stare. burn yourself out. not good.

yeah. its just sad. we got along SO GOOD (well) as Just Friends. We supported each other and liked and respected each other and made each other feel good and it was nice just Spanning Time together. A Real Good Connection. It was a platonic friendship but not like with a man, just because she was naturally gentler and warmer and more feminine than a man, i liked that, and all this really CAUSED me to get feelings for her. I thought it could have been smooth transition. we would essential keep our good, close, friendly, supportive rel, and “just” add loving secs, loving cuddles, making out to it. and spend more time together, doing all that stuff, and just become closer as a result. it seemed like a change in degree rather than in kind. like we would go from becoming good friends, to becoming great very very close intimate emotionally supportive friends, who cuddled and fooked and loved each other. it was a change but the change made sense, a sensible continuation down this path, our shared path hahahaha.

she was great as a Platonic Friend, and I think she would have been great as a Gurlfran, but fact is, she would have been TERRIBLE as a gurlfran, as shown by the way she acted. i honestly didnt expect. she was a decent good friend who showed compassion and support and sweetness, so i figured if she didnt want to take it to the next level, she would reject me with that same compassion and caring about my feelings. rather than turning into a completely different person. i didnt expect that.

but yeah. i remember the platonic days and how WELL we got along; and how MUCH that DIFFERED from the end. she couldnt handle it and became SO distant and SO different!!!!

very sad. sad sad sad. it was a good friendship that had inherent value. she was a big person in my life. i used to be a big person in her life too. it didnt always used to be so one sided. it wasnt all a fantasy in my head like it was with previous women.

i watched intervention and there was sonia and julia

which i had never seen the whole episode and had been wanting to. but it was very sad and moving. but i had some interesting reactions. like i thought the girls were really cute, well they needed to GAIN WEIGHT hahaha and stop being sickly skeletons. gain like 30 or 40 pounds i dunno. and they obviously needed to be separated. and it was obviously their parents loved them unlike some of the intervention parents who are very cold and hateful and unfeeling and unloving. however the parents can never understand, and they unintentionally enable, and really cant help the girls. plus i dont think they needed to give their “bottom lines”, where you basically say, if you dont go to rehab, i am disowning you and kicking you out on the street and giving you tuff luv. the one girl says, i dont want to hear the bottom line, and the mother says it anyway.

in some cases the bottom line may be good, but not here. are you seriously gonna throw these poor gurls out on the street? they would be eaten alive. they would be raped the shit out of, and die very quickly. and the parents loved the gurls enough that i dont think they WOULD kick them out on the streets. but they were terrible commuincators in english. i thought they should have done the intervention in their native polish language rather than making the parents speak their horrible english. (they should have spoken much better english after being in USA 20+ years.) (I also love Poles, they are some of the greatest people in the world ever, so naturally i wanted to marry one of these polish gurls.) I thought a better bottom line would be, have one sister stay with the older sister, and the other twin could stay with the parents.

Or, better yet, arrange a marriage with a decent young man! i honestly think that would be a viable solution here. they could certainly find a young, well-adjusted, loving, non abusive, gainfully employed, white polish young man/men for the gurls to marry! there are men LINING UP to WHITE KNIGHT for Severely Emotionally Disturbed Gurls!!!!!

and then i thought, how weird is this. I am saying i would wilfully marry a gurl who is BATSHIT insane, just because she is cute and young and comes from a traditional family and probably hasnt been with a lot of guys. They gave the impression of not being sluts. Because their Traditional Father would not allow it. and they had Secsual Innocence about them. you can feel it when a gurl hasnt been with Too Many Gurls. Slut Radar.

SLUT RADAR! SLUTDAR!!!!!!

they were batshit insane, but they were not sluts! and here i am lining up to marry a young gurl i dont know, who is batshit fooking insane, clearly, and would always have that baggage, and that wasnt ultimately a dealbreaker for me! its more important that they were young, cute, innocent, trad fam, polish! with those pros i could overlook a HELL of a lot, including insane Codependence and Deadly Anorexia!

I thought, well, I’ll take the one with PRoblem Hair cuz she is a little cuter, well hell I’m an old loser, I’ll take the LESS cute one i dont care, I will treat her well, not cheat on her, get some food in her, put some babies in her. having a baby would fix her right up! also i would treat her well, get her to a decent weight, because I like to eat, so i would get her to eat. I would find a way. I’d keep her apart from her twin sister when it was unhealthy. I would cuddle with her and make babies with her and make her nice and healthy and happy. just promise that she wont abandon me or screw me over or cheat on me and we will live happily ever after in a traditional family. i am even interested in learning polish language, i fooking LOVE poles, i come from polish stock myself and would LOVE to have polish babies with a polish gurl like your batshit crazy anorexic but not-slutty daughter sir.

i would take a super crazy anorexic NUTCASE, over a garden variety slut. over a gurl that has been with…..more than 5 guys.

because a slut is inherently crazy. being a slut makes you crazy and sociopathic and antisocial. average slut is crazier than a BATSHIT crazy nonslut! ie, sluts are MORE THAN BATSHIT crazy!!!!!

they seemed to be doing OK after their treatment, gaining some much needed weight, having Healthy Boundaries, and then it said that they went on to Graduate College and Move to Different Cities. of course that got my mind working. what did they major in. what JOBS did they get. how do batshit crazy people interview for Good Jobs and GET them. which essentially makes them more Emotionally and Life Mature than me, hahahahaha.

did they become huge SLUTS after they went back to college/ became successful independent adults? or did they stick with their traditional family values?

their older nontwin sister seemed ok and she got married at a nowadays young age to a decent looking goy. i dont think SHE slutted it up either. and said nope no carousel for me, i want to get MARRIED. this is the proper way for all women to be.