THE 40 YEAR OLD NEET

oct 8

so the left and hillary and cuckolds are so disgusted by what trump said about “WOMEN”, as if he is endorsing Raep, telling men to go out and grab and force themselves on women, msnbc literally called him a “SEX CRIMINAL”, wen the point is, there are women, many women in the world for which this talk is accurate. sluts that give it up easy and allow themselves to be treated like meat, and on some level they enjoy it. short term gurls. sluts. not the type of gurls you bring home, not the type of gurls you invest in or marry or make the mother of your children. funtime gurls. these are the type of women trump is talking about, not ALL WOMEN. there are basically TWO types of women, hahahaha. the madonna and the whore hahahahahahaha.

well this is WRONG, we have to accept that all women have BOTH the madonna and the whore combined. that the same woman who likes being Grabbed By The Pvssy by Rich Powerful Men (or pushy negroes) is the SAME woman you need to have your children.

come on. do you REALLY think trump raised his DAUGHTER to be one of THOSE gurls??? does he want his daughters to be grabbed by the pvssy? no! he didnt raise those kind of daughters. and look at his children, all his damn children, they are wholesome as fook, well except his daughter married a joo. that might be a little better than being a disgraceful whore though. i mean she can always divorce the joo, or renounce jooishness. you cant renounce 40 cox you took in your whore past.

best song ever hahahahaha.

it hit me in feb 2015 during a very low and stressful point. my confidence was about as low as it is now, but my stress level was much higher as i was working terrible job. confidence was low because essentially muh rel with the woman Had Ended. She was DONE but i didnt realize it yet, i kept trying to hang out with her. talk to her. not realizing how DONE she was. not wanting her to be done. obviously. so at the end of long horrible days i would get blazed and listen to THIS SONG repeatedly and it actually calmed me down.  it was a truly positive memory. smokin spliffs and listening to this song. i remember that ritual fondly, even as it occurred in the middle of a pretty bad time.

i guess that is how much i enjoy degen negro MJ hahaha.

now i am glad to be rid of all that damn stress, but my confidence is just as low, or lower, because it sucks to be thrown away like that, and it takes a long time to bounce back, and, just as important, is it REALLY wrecks the confidence to be a jobless bum loser who cant get a job and cant keep a job and is thrown away by a woman he loves who makes more money than him and now hes struggling like hell to get a damn job that makes way less than she does.  in the long run the long term joblessness is probably affecting muh confidence MORE than the shit with HER.

cuz it means i can be a basic normie and work like everyone else. everyone gets dumped and heartbroken….but everyone else also carries on and works like a normie.

its a sad thing when a woman crosses over from being a good woman to a bad woman. the two types of women. to see a woman Spoil like that, its very sad, right up there with Losing A Child, losing a family member, being abandoned, losing your Livelihood.

fasting today because i somehow overate two days this week. damn. cut muh weigh ins to once a week, saturday afternoon, and today saw that i was EXACTLY THE SAME as last week. damn. prob cuz i had two cheat days in one week. and lemme tell ya folks, the cheat days dont feel like cheat days. its a damn struggle just to meet the goal.

stupid nyquil. i mean you just feel tired and low energy and kinda despairing and negative the next day, thats what i really dont like about it. wish i could just do MJ instead!

this was another big album for me when i was 17 or so, and by far MDB’s greatest album. the one two punch of “the crown of sympathy” and “turn loose the swans” near the END of the damn album is just brilliant and awesome. MDB would never even come close, which is kinda sad. 23 minutes of spine tingling musical perfection hehehehe and they  have been around longer than 23 YEARS hehehehe. more like 30 years. scary.

mixtape 2016 hahahaha

good thing i dont have a bitch to share this magical music with and take away my ability to enjoy it hehehehehahahaha.

ok “the cry of mankind” on their next album “the angel and the dark river” does come kinda close.

and then thats it folks, thats all the my dying bride you really need, sad to say.

good fathers dont raise gurls to become the TYPE of woman you just grab by the pvssy.

no NOT every woman has a little bit of this in her. but too many women do because they have been poisoned by our sick, degenerate, JOOISH culture which has been rammed down our throats since the SIXTIES.

for TWO OR THREE FULL GENERATIONS NOW. people MOTHERS and GRANDMOTHERS were degen sluts.

transilvanian hunger at .5 speed on youtube hahahahahaha. now they do pitch shift it so that sounds pretty weird.

dont marry some slut that likes it when men grab her by the pvssy like a slut.

there are two kinds of women in the world. those that would make good wives and mothers, and those that dont. which kind do you think trump was talking about. what kind of woman do you want to marry. what kind of woman do you want to raise your daughter to be. 

i cant put it any more plainly than that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i dont use question marks because these really arent questions.

funny. i remember a time BEFORE  i was in luv with her, and i thought clearly: you know, we get along great, and shes a great person, i really SHOULD be interested in her, but Im NOT. she would make a great wife and mother. maybe I should just FORCE myself to try to date her and see what happens. or make a PACT that if shes not married by 30, we can get married and have children, i mean I could do a LOT LOT LOTTTTTTTTTT worse, so WHAT if i dont feel a SPARK and im not in LUV with her.

and maybe I did “force” myself a little bit…….but when i did, it started an AVALANCHE, and the REAL TRUE LUV this avalanche unleashed was REAL AF and has taken 15 months to get over.

lesson: when i was being COMPLETELY LOGICAL about it, I logically saw that she was a good Mate for me and good wife and mother material. But I whined that I didnt have Special feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelings for her. So I tried to FORCE myself to have special feeeeeeelings for her…………..AND IT WORKED “BETTER” THAN I EVER EXPECTED.

what exactly did i do that was so effective? i dont even know. I just THOUGHT about it. really thought about what it would be like to make out with or fook her, rather than just say ew weird and STOP thinking about it. thinking about what it would be like to cuddle with her, which certainly was never as “weird.” thinking about some other guy fooking her helped a lot too hahahahahahaha. if he could, why couldnt i, hahahahahaha.

honestly this si not so complicated. when she was with her long term BF, i respected their relship and there was NO QUESTION to me that she was OFF LIMITS. when THAT ended, she was no longer off limits. and her getting into a short term, degenerate dating did nothing to change that. I will respect a 5 year rel, i wont respect a few months of “dating.” besides, that ended TOO.

trump wasnt talking about WOMEN you dumb cvnts, he was talking about SOME women, a certain KIND of woman, the kind you DONT want to marry or have kids with. the kind you have Netflix Chill Tinder FUN with.

all these women getting mad are the SAME women who have been Grabbed By The Pvssy by Strong Men……and they ENJOYED it. although they might have felt shame and regret later when the strong man dumped them.

marry women and raise daughters who DONT enjoy being grabbed by the pvssy. marry wives and raise women that would kick that man in the Ballz and then who would tell her husband or father, who would then knock that guy out with a solid punch to the face. the end.

or i guess the woman could do that too, or taze or pepper spray the guy.

like james bond says, i am a gentleman, but i’m not always a gentle man.

not sure if that was james bond. but it could have been.

now james bond was a degen who grabbed more than few women right in the pvssy, including nonwhite women. they guy was a damn near sex addict muh dick negro!

anyway did pretty much a 24 hour fast, then ate a huge dinner that i wanted to make special, got a order of Curry Noodle from thai place for the first time in at least 9 months. it was great. i ate the whole thing hahahahaha so that was probably more than my daily limit of 1200 calories, hahahaha.

well i measured it out and it was like 4 cups worth of rice noodles, ridic curry sauce, and chicken. turns out rice noodles do not have as many calories as i expected. less than 200 per cup.

i suppose there could be coconut milk in that curry sauce, and that stuff is pretty caloried.

if trump needs vouching for this women remark, and he SHOULDNT, i think his daughters could do a pretty good job of that.  i mean all his children are huge winners and they all really need to be playing an even larger role. and i think they would all vouch he was a good father.

i dont even know why im thinking about it. well all these republicucks saying they are gonna write in pence instead of vote trump. never thought of throwing your vote away on a write in candidate. but is that a REAL risk with regular voters? i just dont know.

i mean at the very least we need to split the country into 2 countries, right and left, and then maybe the right country could further break up into Ethnostates, and the left side would become a big brown muddy shithole like venezuela or something. all the white leftists and mudsharks who wanted diversity and nonwhite dick would be welcome to go there.

oct 9

maybe we are reaching a time of such peak degeneracy that men simply dont CARE anymore that their GF has been with 30 guys. like yeah shes a slut and been with 30 guys but im a manwhore and ive been with 50 gurls, were all sluts nao, who cares, its just animals fooking, if it does work out big deal, ill find another slut, i mean long term rels are stupid and doomed anyway, ill just keep fooking sluts till i die, and its not like ill ever fall in luv, all these sluts are basically the same, you get bored of them after a few months tops. why would i want to get MARRIED to one of these sluts. and have children? thats too much responsibility, then i cant bang sluts, get drunk, plus it costs too much money, i dont have that kind of money.

yeah this plaguewielder album is better than i remember it! indeed does have a great ride cymbal sound! and yeah i like it when darkthrone tries to sound at least somewhat like a BLACK metal band, whereas lately they are more about being a “pan-old-skool-heavy-metal band” which is theoretically ok…….but i just want more BLACK metal in there: more black metal vocals from culto, more “blasting” (ie not super fast, TH style “blasts) from fenriz, and the more typical “black metal” riffs to go along with that.

i dunno the riffs sound familiar because i heard them 14 years ago or so……but now they sound better. really kinda weird.

on transilvanian hunger he does that same beat for the first 24 minutes of the 40 minute album hahahahaha.

its weird that reddit is so permissive for men to watch porn, like yeah its normal for all men even married men to watch pron reguarly. no big deal.

heh. apparently some people use the phrase “hooking up” and they DONT mean Secs. They just mean “MAKING OUT.” well just SAY Making out becuase i automatically assume its Secs. youre painting a negative picture of yourself. so when somewhat says hooking up, ask them what that means.

also what about women who Blow guys but dont Fook them? thats almost as bad in my book. do you want a gurl who has Sucked Off 40 guys? also, if a gurl will blow you, shell fook you. i mean a damn dirty dick in your mouth, thats a pretty whorish thing to do. good gurls dont suck dick before fooking the guy, and they dont fook the guy until they have established a monogamous official rel.

so a woman that jumps to suck your dick the same day as meeting you, holy shit. really signalling what type of woman she is then. thank her for it hahahaha.

i mean its really hard, and probably IMPOSSIBLE, to simply LIKE a woman like that.

so its heartbreaking when a woman you LIKE turns out to BE like that, and i really wish she werent. but she is.

and also you have 10 times the difficulty getting and keeping a job, and everybody makes more money than you, including women, and you cant deal with life at age 30 hahahaha.

even the 40 year old virgin was not a neet. there should be a movie called the 40 year old neet. maybe he would be a virgin too. or better, he had secs with one woman once when he was 20, and that was it.

ok trying to start a table of poker to get my mind off and its sunday and i dont want to job search hehehe.

ideally i would like to do MJ but….i gotta find a better way to Self Soothe.

and yes MJ is degen…..but so is sitting around in neet despair!!!!!!!!!!!!

and mj alleviates the neet despair and ALSO makes it easier to survive nonneet working life.

shit makes it easier to survive neet life too!

i mean really. during my darkest times, smokin MJ was literally a light in the darkness. a ray of sunshine. i still remember those times fondly, even though they were surrounded by even darker times. i get a ridiculous amount of fun and enjoyment and happiness from MJ that I just cant get elsewhere in Life, except by being with a Beloved Waifu. and I just dont see there ever BEING one of those again. ipso fatso, better get back on the weed train.

i mean i was

https://forum.grasscity.com/threads/medical-marijuana-card-and-background-checks.820024/

i could just get a job in a restaurant because everyone who works in a restaurant smokes MJ!!!!!!

hehehehe.

how about this. give the sleazy waitress at this semi sleazy bar “restaurant” i go to a big tip and ask her where i can get some MJ. i guarantee she smokes MJ and probably does other stuff. supposedly the rule is front of house does coke and alcohol, back of house does MJ.

holy shit lisa link this is life doing an hour on The Pickup Artist Community

now she is talking to a 45 year old virgin who feels there is something deeply wrong with him and he just wants a normal loving relship and to be normal and confident and have a GF and eventually a wife and not be a damn weak weirdo virgin.

the show gets at the idea that this is not about secs, its about something deeper:

Pick Up is not about secs, its about finding a damn WIFE or a GF, from guys who are so unconfident and social failures than they cant even get SLUTS to have Secs with them. And its clear they dont really care about the secs as much as just having a damn long term rel with a woman. But They Can’t, because they cant even talk to a woman, they cant even date the EASIEST woman.

Its misleading that the pick up leaders talk about sluts and secs so much, but the lame weak virgin omegas who are the Customers, they want smething much less DEGENERATE: they just want an actual REL with a woman, they dont CARE about secs with sluts.

but apparently you need to practice your social skill on sluts before you can have good enough social skills to get a nonslut???!?!?!

i dont know, i’m close to the level of these pathetic customers myself! the only difference is that i DID have secs with an easy slut, i apparently had the social skills at age 21 to do that.

but never again! and really that was just a combination of me looking healthy and young, and being DRUNK!!!!

now i look about 20 years older and i dont drink any more.

interesting to see this is still around in 2016, but i guess im not suprised, there will always be desperate unconfident me.

telling that they have the men do confidence-building exercises, like walking on coals shouting “i like myself! i like myself!” hahahahahahahahahahaha. this truly does strike the root of the whole thing, that these men totally lack confidence, and thats the ROOT CAUSE of WHY they cant get women.

once i learned that simple lesson, i lost interest in pick up and got to the real deep political and racial and moral shit hehehehe.

but i STILL have no confidence and STILL cant pull women and would STILL benefit from pick up artist techniques!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

which is simply be masculine and be confident and you will get women. these arent really “techniques.” its a very natural way of being that its unnatural to not have those natural habits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

who CARES if its “canned” if the women are responding to it and fooking the guys? the women dont really CARE!!!!! why should YOU?????

and women cant understand this because NO woman has EVER been THIS desperate and lonely. they can’t believe that another human being can get this bad. but men can! it so clearly points out the simple profound truth: WOMEN ARE THE SUPPLY, MEN ARE THE DEMAND, and woman just cannot accept that! well because it shows women in a position of strength and power and privilege, rather than a helpless victim.

what brings these guys here? BECAUSE THEY HAVENT DATED A WOMAN FOR THEIR ENTIRE ADULT LIFE!!!! 10, 20 YEARS OF LONELINESS!!!!!

one guy is handsome but a sweet niceguy virgin.

one guy was married but the divorce crushed all his confidence.

but all these men are lonely and want a real rel with a woman. theyre not antisex either, but they cant even get sex, cuz they are not confident or aggressive enough.

the pua vince something has some good lessons but he dresses in a ridiculous peacock style that undermines his credibility. why not just dress like a Rich Preppy. Brooks Brothers or something. none of this pink mohawk peacock shit.

also you will probably pull better wife tier women with the preppy A E S T H E T I C  anyway.

so yeah thats great advice for all neet virgins out there: dress like total Chad The Superrich Preppy. Look like a white man in a brooks brothers catalog.

so just build confidence in the men.

but WHAT BUILDS CONFIDENCE IN MEN?

BEING SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

you can get some confidence WITHOUT women by being succesful in your JOB/CAREER (i and most neets are a total failure at this).

really the ONLY other option you can build confidence is by LIFTING.

these men are here because they are 29 years old and never had a GF and they are like holy shit this cant go on.

and sometimes much older than 29!!!!!!!

like we say, its not too weird if a guy is 21 and a virgin, even 23, maybe 25 at the latest. but after 25 it DOES start getting weird.

thankfully i stopped being a V at age 21, but I was more than weird enough, because i never really dated a woman by age 25, 30, etc. thats just as weird.

the show points out rightfully that men are becoming less masculine, more shy, etc.

this is very true, but WOMEN are also becoming more disgusting and degenerate and responding only to negro strongmen type masculinity. toxic masculinity hahahahahahahahahahaha.

women who have been with 40 guys and who have spent 10 years in relships just cant even relate to guys who have only been with 0-1 gurls and spent 0 months in relships. and vice versa.

of course i dont think these guys should be going to clubs either because these are full of nothing but degenerate gurls. i guess 1% of these gurls might be good women dragged along by their degen slut friends. well, with friends like that, it was inevitable theyd become sluts anyway.

besides banging 25 year old sluts would be good for their confidence, better than banging 35 year old sluts.

but yeah  i will give the tv show a littl crrrredit for realizing that its all about CONFIDENCE. because it really is.

i mean shit i wish i could buy confidence because its the most valuable thing a man can have.

well you can buy nice clothes and that does help.

well at least those guys, even the 45 year old virgin, had decent jobs. and a decent job didnt give them enough confidence to pull dirty negro fookin cvm bucket skanks!!!!!!!!!!! a good job didnt give them enough confidence to pull the cheapest, easiest, worst women!

also i think there is something to the “wolf pack” concept where average “beta” men can boost their confidence and “social capital” by going out in groups and giving them strength in numbers, that they might be able to Pull Easier than if they were completely alone.

so omega white men need to form GANGS instead of playing vidya in their basements hahahahaha.

just get some MJ and then invite Stoner Sluts to smoke MJ and then blow and then bang you. easy hahahahaha.

another great idea i had is that to find the more quality women on dating sites, you have to PAY for it. of course your competition i guess would get fiercer then, cuz its guys serious enough to PAY. also….if the women dont pay, wouldnt it be the same mudshark sluts you find on tinder or okcupid? but women shouldnt have to pay to be on a dating site! women are the supply, men are the demand!

well really women shouldnt be on ANY dating sites EVER for that very reason!!!!!!

so yeah i dont think i can really reach a conclusion here. either you will look better because the women wont be as bombarded with low quality men, so you’ll look better……..

or there will be a higher percentage of high quality men and you will look WORSE!!!!

so if you want to look better BY COMPARISON, then its best to go to free dating where there is a TON of shit so you can look good next to them! and the quality of women on ANY site, regardless of whether the MEN pay, is gonna be about the same!

so the REAL question is, are the WOMEN willing to pay to have access to the Higher Quality Men? and then you will pay to get into THAT pool.

because the goal is a high quality woman, not a low quality woman.

find a place that is is both a bar and a restaurant. then wait outside for the druggie degen workers to come outside for cig break. then ask them if they know where to get any MJ. give them 10 or 20 dollars for the info.

make sure the place is kind of sleazy and has some clientele who come there to get WASTED on cheap drinks. working class white people getting HAMMERED on 2 dollar big beers. and then they can order some burgers and fries to soak up all that beer and get food in the stomach to soak up MOAR BEER. then they stagger out, smoke some MJ, and fall right on their face and pass out and go to their Manual Labor Working Class Job the next day. that kind of place hahahahaha.

avoiding messages from their fat mudshark GF who eventually dumps them for a black guy, until they find another fat white trash mudshark, rinse and repeat hahahahaha.

what a life!

heh. i bet it DOES ruin a rel when the woman starts making more money than the man. never had that happen to me cuz i was never in a rel hahahaha but all the women i liked eventually went on to make more than me, and now, EVERYBODY makes more than me, and if i get a 12 dollar an hour job, most people will STILL make more than me, including women.

now im not talking about a situation where the woman has a medical degree and the man has a GED. then of COURSE she is gonna make more money than him. I ‘m talking about they ahve about the same level of education or the woman has LESS, and at the time they start their rel, they are making about the same, but over time, she just manages to fare better in her working life and get better paying jobs than her slightly-more-educated man.

like what happened with me and her hahahahahahahahaha.

sometimes i feel like my i dont want to say “hateful” but just disrespectful, contemptuous, chilly, cold attitude towards women, well if i feel this cold towards women, then what the hell does it matter if i look at porn? women are all dirty whores anyway!!!!!!!! i might as well use it to help me Jerk Off because I sure can’t think of anything real life to jerk off to!

so this is a slippery slope. WHAT DOES IT MATTER, WOMEN ARE ALL WHORES ANYWAY, and porn is a realistic representation of that!

well, WRONG, because even though normie women are huge whores, they are only HALF as bad as the whores in porno.

and its just harmful to the soul to watch porn and puts you in a degen mindset that is not good.

shit its better to just hate women and think all women are whores, than to WATCH whores being whores. i think i would just hate women even MORE and thats not good.

darkthrone. tried listening to “arctic thunder” again today. came out thinking welp the first song “tundra leech” is obviously the best, and i would be better served taking this reawakened interest in darkthrone and apply it to “mid era” albums: total death thru sardonic wrath. particularly, ravishing grimness thru hate them. 1999 to 2003, hahahaha. back when culto still tried to sound like a black metal singer and they still wanted to sound like a black metal band rather than a Heavy Metal band.

AND ITS NOT LIKE THEY DIDNT USE FOOKLOADS OF CELTIC FROST STYLE RIFFS THIS WHOLE TIME ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they never ever really got away from that except on fookin “transilvanian hunger!”

so just have those celtic frost riffs with sick black metal vocals, and the occasional “second wave black metal” (ie transilvanian hunger) riff!!!! and that pretty much sums up the albums of this 99 – 03 period!!!! or even on panzerfaust, the two styles are separated out into separate songs. not sure they have to be THAT autistic, but im also not complaining about one of muh all time favorite albums!

and yeah it is disappointing when one of your all time fav bands stops being so damn good!

REALLY transilvanian hunger is NOT a good representation of darkthrones style. overall. and i wish it were!

also, why couldnt ALL the songs on their new album be as good as that first one?

and why couldnt culto occasionally do an old style vocal once in a while? not that what he does on the album is BAD…..but his older style was BETTER.

i dunno. i just dunno. i am waiting to read more reviews of this new album, but i think people are holding back until the official release date.

listening to other sorta recent albums culto has done with sarke and “gift of gods” and again he is doing this kind of groaning vocal and not his vicious Black Metal vocal. unfortunate!. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

 

GIVING A BULLSH1T NONANSWER IS NOT A RESOLUTION

aug 15

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

hey i appreciate everyone that follows and reads this blog hahahaha. even if you are all just scammers trying to turn your self improvement blog into your JOB. hey i guess im doing the same thing, in a veyr low energy, low effort way.

had interview today for 20 hour a week, 11 dollar job. i will take the job if they offer. they seemed nice. wore blue suit. tried to seem normie. apparently help is available if you get stuck.

intvited to interview for 42k ft job next monday. county IT department. horry sheet. i hate these because i am not worth 42k. i am worth more like 28k or 30k. why can’t they interview me for those jobs. WHY DONT THOSE JOBS EXIST OR GET POSTED?

yo either make 9 bucks an hour, or you make 40k a year. NO inbetween hahahaha.  that is so stupid.

http://www.online-stopwatch.com/cash-clock/

did i link this yet. my new favorite form of countdown clock / stopwatch.

this could seriously provide a LITTLE extra motivation. and that shit is VALUABLE. VALUE-ADDED hahahaha.

i just think its fooking DISGUSTING that you HAVE to bang a broad QUICKLY in order for you to ever have a CHANCE with her. I dont WANT to be with the type of SKANK who BANGS QUICKLY.

just the WAY women “date” is DISGUSTING. So naturally the idea of Dating does not sound fun to me, but rather DISGUSTING. just a bunch of dirty sluts fooking like a bunch of muh dik ingras. god damn. and if you dont fook them like sluts on the first date then you have no chance of having a real rel. and they cant see how stupid and wrong and disgusting it is to fook on the first date (or the 5th date, hahaha.)

just got 2 rejections from same company, including application i sent just an hour ago. damn.

MAYBE they are one of those asshole companies that wont even call you for an inteview if you are not current Employed. i wouldnt be surprised. fook shitcvnt shitphags.

heh. the one rejection I got right now was for “payment processor” for a requisition 2 months ago. i just applied for the same position title TODAY, but different requisition.

i bet that IS what it is. they just outright reject ANYONE who isnt currently Gainfully Employed. Are You Employed Sir. Get A God Damn Job, Al.

its just so weird though. some damn medical healthcare business services company rejects me outright for a damn 14 dah job, but a damn university will call me to interview for a 45k job. wtf. it just doesnt make any sense. i would need a TEAM of phds and attorneys to explain this to me. I couldnt pay enough money to get this adequately explained for me.

i mean they are both “good” companies but they have completely different policies here.

i just apply to this medical payment place regularly because they are close to home, they are big well known corp, and they are regularly hiring for entry level jobs.

in some ways I could be considered “overqualified” (degree from good school, no spelling mistakes in cover letter hahaha, have a linkedin page, why am I applying for a 13 dah job.) but in other ways I am “underqualified” (do not have 3 years working experience in medical payments processing. current unemployed.)

fook the bullshit!

hey i was willing to take her out on an official date. more than willing hahaha.

i should have been better about Reading Her Signals though. she clearly didnt want that, and rather than say no, she avoided it, cuz its harder for her to say no. ok fine i get that.

i dunno the only thing this teaches me is the value of communication. the importance. and i never fail to mention that in every job interview. good communication is absolutely essential. it is the most important thing. before you have good customer service, you must have good communication.

yeah i forgive her, i dont blame her, i sometimes blame myself for being so stupid and weak and foolish. but not as much as i used to hehehe.

its just fookin stupid as fook. everything about it was stupid. just fookin write me an email PLEASE. god damn. LISTEN to what I am SAYING. dont throw this all away in the most disgraceful way possible. show a little damn respect. dignify the relship with dignity hahaha.

interview today was ok. the woman was nice, but she was also more On Point than any interviewer ever, and went through everything. she was very well prepared hahaha. I appreciated that. and the receptionist was very nice to me, saying dont be nervous, the people youll be talking to are very nice. I smiled and said thank you.

hehehe when you are on your 14(88)th interview and its a 20 hour a week job, you just dont get nervous hehehe.

well at least when i have another nice female friend, 7/10, 25 years old, n<4, and we get along GREAT, I know how to handle it better when I fall in luv with her hahaha.

im trying to make the point that I have never made a female friend who was So Dateable. My other female friends, i never had any actual interest in them like that, in fact maybe I found them a little “too slutty” hahahaha. but I did not really judge them on that believe it or not. I was able to appreciate them apart from them being sluts. but I wouldnt want to date sluts like that!

yeah it sounds mean. they were nice people. dating them would have been crazy and bad tho, is all Im saying. in a way that it absolutely wouldntve with That Woman. Who was nice, not crazy, and not slutty.

365 jobs is what muh number is up to now.

i just hate majorly screwing things up. majorly majorly majorly screwing things up. you feel bad, feel a lot of GUILT and SHAME.

5 mile powerwalk.

applied to hospital job using the worst peoplesoft application ever. saw i was “not selected” for a job i applied to 3 days ago. but never got an email notifying me. THANKS. that was for an office assistant job. the one I just applied to now is “administrative assistant 1”. i am sure i will be “not selected” for that too.

it just sucks to go to college and be a 35 year old nevergf neet and you can’t even get an INTERVIEW for an OFFICE ASSISTANT job where you just need a HS education. that triggers and rustles me WAY more than going to an interview and not getting the job. at least then I get SOME confidence, get some experience, get to add to muh pile of interviews. and it tells me i am a finalist, i am one of the 10 best applicants. for a god damn 13 dah office asssistant job. not even an ADMINISTRATIVE assistant hahahaha.

very likely THEY dont like unemployed people too. god DAMN.

so the lesson learned is to REAPPLY to all these places once i get some kind of job, like this 20 hour a week job i interviewed today. way to get ahead of myself. they are interviewing 5 or 6 other people here. so i have like a 16% chance of getting the job hahaha.

i like that cash clock. it makes me feel like im actually making money and doing something productive when i apply for these jobs. like im getting PAID to do job applications. im not of course, but it feels like it just a little bit. like i am making money doing work, rather than just trying to get as low a time as possible! im still doing that too, but now im also MAKING MONEY for it! im not of course but even if i can make it feel like that a LITTLE bit. its a motivator.

as i was doing the powerwalk today i saw a qt young woman. in my neighborhood. i walked RIGHT BY HER. i was caught VERY off guard. I saw her way up ahead earlier on and did a double take, who is that nonfat youngish woman? and then i turned the corner about 15 minutes later and there she was! i hate passing people, but her i sort of looked at her and smiled and said hello, which the friendly normies do. most young attractive women HATE when balding betas do this, its literally rape. but she actually seemed to smile back at me! and i was like whoooooooaaaaaa should i go running back after her and ask her out to dinner? i did not expect that at all. I do not expect niceness or pleasantness from qt young women! And I totally get why! They dont like omega males, never have, never will. I more expect women to be cold and bitchy to me, i get SURPRISED and CAUGHT OFF GUARD when they smile and are nice. I can’t say I dislike it though! It was part of how me and that woman got along so well. she was FRIENDLY to me. she SMILED at me. when I very unused to women SMILING at me. it’s NICE, i LIKE it, but i am totally unaccustomed to it.

i was not wearing glasses so i couldnt tell anything about the woman other than she was not old and she was not hideous and she had a friendly look on her face. when i first saw her i couldnt tell if she was 13 or 23 or 33. if she was 13, thats bad. but i think she was actually an appropriate age. maybe she was an Eastern European Immigrant. if so, EVEN BETTER. real tradwife material!

it was the first time i ever saw her. if i ever see her again, I should ask her out to dinner. or lunch. or coffee. or ice cream. i mean im supposed to take her out for drinks and fook her on the first date if i want any chance at marrying her hahahaha.

anyway it reminded me how qt women being nice to you can make you forget about Other Past Women pretty effectively.

women have the attention of secsy guys all the time, makes it easier for the women to forget about men.

but omega males, we are so used to women being neutral (or negative) to us, that its a little WEIRD to have a woman be POSITIVE to us. but its the type of weird id like to get used to!

never say never again, 1983. sean connery came BACK to playing bond after like a 10 year hiatus. was there a hiatus? or did roger moore not enter until after 1983? i dont know, dont really care, i just thought connery was done with bond well before 83. also, kim basinger was VERY attractive in 1983. i mean shit i would prob still bang her 33 years later…..but she was a total 9/10 in 1983 hahahahahaha.

AM I THE ONLY PERSON ON THE WHOLE INTERNET WHO REALIZES THAT INDEED ALERTS SUCKS!!????!?!?!?!?!?!!

there are NO comments from other butthurt people like me. who can’t FIND the alerts they thought they had, tha

https://subscriptions.indeed.com/

AYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TOP SECRET INDEED PAGE INDEED DOES NOT WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT, RIGHT THERE!!!!!!

thats ALL I want. A list of ALL my active alerts on ONE page.

of course, there’s no link to EDIT the alerts from this page. that would make WAY too much sense.

searching my gmail TRASH folder for indeed alert EMAILS that contain a CANCEL link at the bottom.

http://www.indeed.com/my/alerts?from=nav

by my GOD, THIS page is the worst abomination EVER. a fooking ABORTION. it doesnt work, it hasn’t worked for MONTHS, and indeed does not care. this kind of OBVIOUS CORNER CUTTING and SHITTY QUALITY triggers me to no end. just because anyone above level 1 can just HIDE BEHIND level 1 indians saying we are so sorry for the inconvenience, but right now there are no plans to implement this feature. HOPE THIS HELPS! and thanks for choosing indeed. and they mark that as a RESOLVED CASE. NO. ITS NOT RESOLVED AT ALL. GIVING A BULLSHIT NONANSWER IS NOT A RESOLUTION. GOD DAMN.

and i hated being in the position where I was the level 1 schmuck who had to give the bullshit nonanswer!!!!!

She didnt care. She just gave the bullshit. she was so stupid she didnt even KNOW it was bullshit. shes just like whatever its a job, lemme just listen to music while i give bullshit nonanswers, cant wait to get out and smoke MJ, set up some chill hangouts with hot bois from tinder and okcupid, its so fun being single and dating for the first time in my life, and im glad to be done with that asshole jerk bitchboi who i thought was my friend but he just wanted to fook me! all men are jerks and liars who only want one thing! well two can play that game! besides he was a 35 year old virgin weirdo, i was WAY out of his league! gross!

and this is why you dont work at a terrible bullshit job with the woman you are in luv with hahaha.

so just go to dinner with the nice qt gurl from the neighborhood, or the qt dark haired woman at the weekly game. i dont see any of these women regularly or consistently, tho. NO EXCUSE!

basically, when i had my easy job from 2008 to 2013, i did not do NEARLY enough job searching. i did pretty good with schooling, in the sense i took a lot of classes that didnt do much. shit i KNOW i had a COUPLE interviews here and there kinda randomly, but i certainly didnt get the jobs. then i got the bigboy job in late 13 because they would hire ANYONE, LITERALLY. they hired a ton and fired a ton.

point is, right NOW, my jobseraching skills are the BEST theyve ever been. in terms of muh system. muh spreadsheet. muh indeed alerts. a few careerbuilder alerts. muh PACKET. muh folders of bookmarks. organization information. email alerts. i didnt have ANY of that before. until NOW really. 2016. current year. yeah thats shameful. but i would often miss out on jobs because i didnt KNOW about them, and i would think ehhhh shit i dont want to dig up addresses and phone number of every employer for goddamn PROFILES you have to fill out. i was way too LAZY about jobseraching when i had that job at that time. then i got the new job and had no time to do anything. just study the shit and try not to panic.

aug 16

heh. i want a BOOK or a 20 hour documentary on what Long Term Unemployed or Long Term Kissless Virgin Nevergf does to men. Neetness. there is the occasional article saying it can lead to despair. NO SHIT. i am looking for something that explores all this in depth. i guess that this is my niche, my calling, the doumentary i must make myself.

i thought about hanging out with that qt random woman and her being nice to me and smiling at me and cuddling with me and i thought HOLY SHIT what a BIG DEAL that would be, that would totally TRANSFORM me, i am totally MISSING OUT on something BIG.

and this is all from getting one small polite smile from a woman where I really couldnt tell how attractive she was.

well she seemed moderately attractive, maybe even the ever Problematic 7/10, otherwise i wouldnt have reacted so positively!

then they say, youre overreacting, its not gonna TRANSFORM YOU, if you got what you wanted, you’d soon find you were unhappy again, because you REALLY need to change something within yourself.

ok FINE. then i challenge you to PROVE me wrong by giving me that chance. give me a nice qt gf for a year and we’ll see if it TRANSFORMS me or not, hahahahahaha. if it doesnt, i will accept defeat humbly.

just GIVE ME A CHANCE.

although admittedly “chance” for me means more than “one strike and youre out.” give me at least 3 strikes hahahaha.

heh. we were both saying PLEASE STAHP to each other. she was saying please stahp pushing me to hang out and please stahp having weird feelings for me, I was saying please stahp avoiding me and ignoring me and not hanging out with me ever.

recipe for disaster.

stupid fookin jobs. so fookin retardedly stupid. i wish i didnt have to deal with this and i could have just lived with HER happily ever after.

but at least now i am applying for jobs and jobsearching with a pretty solid good system, and also sometimes noticing other women and feeling excited when they smile at me hahaha.

starting to think more seriously about focusing intentionally on part time jobs, and using that as a stepping stone to a full time job, because SOME COMPANIES automatically reject you if you are Currently Unemployed. ESPECIALLY if longer than 3 months. which it certainly has been!

in the sense that a little while ago, i was avoiding applying for part time jobs, and saying NO i NEED a full time job……when relally part time jobs are EASIER and they can HELP you in ultimately getting a FT job. so you dont get painted with the brush of “long term unemployed loser.”

this was kind of funny, its sad that kyle and sinead are so god damn confrontational , well especially sinead hahaha. not just confrontational but she insults and disparages good people with good messages. it doesnt have to be this way! you dont have to be such a drama causing bitch!

and kyle really is a handsome man. and sinead has some good, but the bad outweighs the good. i hope sinead is not leading kyle around by the balls, or making him do an open rel, and why for the love of Wodinn dont you just SAY that kyle is your husbando and that he is the father of your child…….UNLESS HE ISNT??????? in other words, sinead is super untrustworthy. but i think kyle can be redeemed, but he has to break free of sineads spell first.

so sad and frustrating to see healthy looking young white people be pro-white…..but mix it up with such stupid shit. they can do SO much better. they even have a sense of HUMOR!!!!

and its SAD that sinead is irreparably damaged. im not even sure how you could fix her. well find her a white man whos not afraid to put her in her place, get many more babies out of her, and keep her away from the internet!!!!! kyle does not look like he’s gonna be that strong man. besides, why would any man  DESERVE such a High Maintenance Handful? A strong man should be able to do BETTER than her, in other words.

but maybe an ex mudshark slut who is totally crazy is good enough for ME, an ex degen whos not a big winner. but i would STILL have to develop a VERY strong hand to keep her in her place!!!! and i dont have that yet! also i am nowhere near as handsome as kyle!

ok its a bit easier to do 28 minute job applications when you are listening to music at the same time. have to do that more reg.

applied for City job, US Attorneys Office FEDGOV USAJOBS job, and uhh hospital job where i have 40 other applications and never an interview. discriminating against the longterm unemployed hahahaha.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. busy day. was getting ready to go to shrink and got call from Electronics Company that I had applied to 900000000000000000 times but never heard a god damn thing. and now i hear from them. why now? why open this job to 500 new applicants every month? how am I in the Elite Pool? was it because I updated the profile to have Muh Packet? they use a Bad Taleo (there is a Good Taleo believe it or not) where its impossible to tell whats really attached to your application.

recruiter gurl talks to me, catches me way off guard, said….holy shit she has 5700 followers on linkedin and has a very powerful linkedin premium account. it is like i am being contacted by the fookin bill gates of Talent Acquisition and Recruiting.

when i am contacted off guard by someone, i always fear that i sound like a rude or distracted asshole or autist. i did the best i could, tried to be as nice as i could, and was able to sched an interview for friday (today is tues.) they wanted me to come in tomorrow. i hate coming in TOMORROW.  (but not as much as much as coming in TODAY hahahaha.) well they were able to acommodate me on friday actually. good. interview with a panel of 3 men. probably will want to test my knowledge of the company. GREAT.

then as i get out of shrink, get a call on my baterry dying phone from the HOSPITAL that NEVER calls me (except to schedule an interview for TODAY or not at all, hahaha.) they say you put 26000 on salary requirements. I said yes but that is very flexible, what is the range for this position (positngs here NEVER say), they say it starts at 11 bucks an hour, i say thats fine hahaha, see you on……cant do friday errrrr how about monday.

so now i interview with hospital monday morning for dumb 11 dollar part time job…….and then BIGGGGGG interview monday AFTERNOON with county for SWEET 42k job!!!

heh. never had 2 interviews in ONE DAY before, i guess this is a turning point eh?

rejection email from county for 26k job DAMN why cant they just INTERVIEW me for these jobs!!!!! applied 6/15, get rejection on 8/16. ok good.

all these olympic athletes have TRAINERS and COACHES. you dont say go out there and figure out how to win a gold medal. you PRACTICE for YEARS with a COACH who TEACHES you BEST PRACTICES.

bitches.

 

 

EVEN DEGENERATE POLYAMOROUS SLUTS COMMUNICATE

aug 13

you cant even talk to normies about this because theyll be like why were you SO devastated? why didnt you just ignore her? just suck it up? why did you fall SO hard for someone you werent even fooking? why didnt you tell her earlier? its all my fault basically. and it kinda is. not that I MADE her withdraw all kindness, but I did kinda reap what I sowed in several ways.

but she was jsut as immature as i was, and usually 25 year olds are more mature than me hahahahaha. well she was a WOMAN though. women are naturally immature. like children. children who cant keep their legs closed hahahaha.

so yeah normies get their hearts broke but its not as big of a deal to them. or they dont fall so hard for someone they are not dating/fooking.  normies just wouldnt understand. they say yeaaaahhhh something is a little weird about this guy, and he should probably see a shrink and get on some meds already. oh he is? hmm well uhh maybe he should try some diff meds and a diff shrink, the current program isnt working so well hahahaha.

the ironic thing is, I think a Decent Monog Longterm Rel with a Woman WOULD help the majority of foreveralone despairing virgin men, give them real confidence in something that is really meaningful to them, and literally transform them. theyve wanted this for so long but never got it. dont you think them finally achieving it would change their lives?

but maybe it would be like winning the lottery. theyd find a way to fook it up.

i dunno. give them a CHANCE at least. if that woman gave me a CHANCE, i think i would have had a good chance of not fooking it up!

normies also dont understand why it takes us so LONG to get over somebody. so just virginsplain to them that if their wife with whom they have created new life just up and left them without a word and that was it, how long would it take THEM to get over THAT? at LEAST a year.

or the person just dropped dead suddenly one day. but still i think being left is WORSE than that, because you’re not certain that the person who dropped dead WANTED to LEAVE you. as far as you know, they still loved you till the very end.

so yeah this is rougher than a death hahahaha. because they WANT to leave you, they’re still alive out there fooking and loving OTHER guys, and they dont give a DAMN about you and your broken heart and the time you spent together. they’ve FORGOTTEN about you entirely. dead people cant forget you like this hahahaha. dead peopel arent moving on fooking and loving other people and enjoying life.

you can move on and enjoy all the cox and abortions and tyrones you want, just dump a person the right way, not the wrong way.

implying that women are even capable of doing things the right way.

hehehe well i KNOW they are, because OTHER women have dumped me the right way. and I appreciate it hahaha. thank you so much for dumping me the right way.

ok took shower, go to boring church today. i was trying to “fast” until 12pm, that would give me 18 hours of “fasting.” the old 18/6 as opposed to the 16/8 hahahahaha. i was starting to ger hungery so yeah. then ate 290 calorie breakfast/lunch.

ive been VERY good about not looking her up on linkedin or facebook or instagram or google. VERY good. so +1 to me hahahaha. i mean i wouldnt be able to see any more than her fb profile picture, but that’s bad enough. to even see ONE picture of her would be WAY too much.

then i think about people who are Friends with their Exes 4 Lyfe. I just cant wrap my mind around it at all!

i mean it could possibly be doable if BOTH peopel mutually agreed that the rel was over and that NEITHER person wanted to work on it. and NEITHER person wanted the other back. i guess I am envious to have such a Mutual, Amicable Breakup hahahaha.  seems a lot less stressful than knowing you have to restrain yourself from seeing even ONE picture or ONE comment or ONE reminder that they are still alive, for YEARS.

like i am thinking of these people i will see at this little labor day event. the one guy is married and has a kid and his wife and maybe kid will be there with him…..but he is still friends with his ex gf from 10 years ago! and they dated for several years and she was kinda crazy! and she is married to some other guy now. and she is going to this thing as well! they still see each other once a year or so! heh if i were his wife i would be suspicious hahahaha. its called a break up because its BROKEN hahahaha. but then youre jealous, youre the bad guy. maybe he gets a freecard to fook her hahahaha. now im just speculating. but this guy had a LOT more wild oats than me, he was pretty much an alpha male ladies man. now he has a good career and a nice wife and child. hehehehe funny to think that when  first met him he was an 18 year old kinda nerdy kid who had only had 1 GF hahaha (much more than i had had as a nerdy 18 year old hahaha) and I kinda Corrupted him by introducing him to MJ!!!!

well he turned out MORE than all right and I turned into a big loser hahaha. maybe winner normies can be issue free friends with their x’es. i just don’t want him to do anything DEGENERATE, because he’s a good guy and he can do BETTER than that. of course nothing degenerate has actually happened to my knowledge! i just think its weird to be friends with your x’s and to have the x at a holiday weekend with your wife and the wife is fine with it too!

meanwhile i have to make a concerted effort to never look at a single picture of HER ever again, and we didnt even date for 2-3 years and fook 6000000000000000 times like this guy and his x did!

so i am a bit jelly of a serious relationship ending without any Lingering Trauma hahahaha.

and they still have SOME sort of relationship technically!

how does his wife feel about this? how does her husbando feel about this? is she still married to the husbando? i dont think THEY had any kids. i dont fully trust her, although i always got along with her. i wouldnt want to be in a rel with her! she was kinda crazy, in the way that you can never fully trust crazy! she went on to be wildly successful and started doing a phd but then left after the masters level to make tons of money in Private Industry. probably not in a call center hahahaha.

i guess i am also envious of crazy people who can still be extremely successful despite their despair or bipolar or whatever.

anyway shes ok, she’s white, thats the main thing, so she should go down to part time and have some white kids. her husbando had a high paying job in finance or some shit. controller or CFO or some high level, high wealth Career. she can afford to take some time off and have babies. 3 of them. i think he’s white too. could be Jooish but I don’t think so. could be though. has dark hair. i never met him. but if he’s white, they should have kids. but she might pass her crazy on to them? she’s not a bad person though. would i trust her with homeschooling children? maybe. i mean having children could well be very good for her.

anyway i dont hate her, i just thought she was kinda weird, and i was a bit annoyed by her overachieving. it paid off in an impressive career though!

anyway i anticipate i will get along with her just fine, i always did before, and she was always nice to me and me to her. situation is just kinda weird is all. but theres no point for me to tell HER that! or him. if it doesn’t bother either of them, it doesnt matter.

i am just obsessed with Relationships in general. and getting Nosy into other people’s business.

especially if i KNOW the people, and there is anything weird about the rels. or the rels are ending or failing. i am interested in the Death of Rels hahahaha.

well their rel certainly didnt DIE! it changed, maybe downgraded, and in a mutual way! me and that woman, our rel just DIED. permanently. DNR. RIP. Although I for sure wanted to resuscitate it!

when you want something for so long, well its not like food and water, you wont DIE……but you do become TWISTED and WEIRD. to have an unscratchable itch for 10, 12, 14 years, and to never experience something that Normies experience.

in the mood for some depressive su1z1dal black metal, i hear this one is pretty good, and i actually remember listening to it like 4 years ago when i first discovered DSBM.

i recall it being ok. it gets good reviews.

i could very well be bipolar hahahaha. only i dont get manic episodes. i just get brief episodes where i am kinda wound up and not thinking straight. well that is a manic episode no? yeah but i am not staying up 3 days in a row Tweaking and doing impulsive shit. but i am generally “one extreme or the other” in my thoughts and attitudes. so maybe i have “mild bipolar” and taking some lithium would help me be more productive and successful.

churn out moar job apps, get thru moar interviews, and once i get a job, survive its shittiness one day at a time. put myself out on okcupid and try to get the table scraps there hahahaha. Post HER, I cant imagine ever Loving another woman again.

i mean why SHOULD you lower your standards when you are looking to spend the rest of your LIFE with somebody and you want to create THREE NEW LIVES with them? does it make ANY sense to lower your standards for that? FOOK NO!!!! Either I luv them the same or MORE than i luved her, or NO new lives will be created!!!!!!!!1111

WHY THE HELL SHOULD YOU CREATE NEW LIFE AND SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH SOMEBODY YOU ARE NOT MADLY IN LUV WITH?

or to rephrase that, someone you are just kinda “MEH” about. i realize Mad Luv fades, but i am implying that it Of COURSH follows with a deep, abiding, Loyal, Foundational, Strong, Faithful Luv.

coldworld just came out with his first album in 8 years hahahaha. cover is a little corny but album is allegedly good hahahaha.  not really DSBM as much as melancholic black metal hahahaha. i recall the melancholie2 album was decent. prob better with some MJ and good headphones hahahaha.

yeah well though i have trouble reaching muh goals, at least i have a good family and i am not a superfat slob anymore. still want to lose 10 more pounds tho. and it will be the hardest.

also now i have nice clothes to wear in the interview. and nice friends who remember me after years and invite me places. i mean i am kinda nervous because i dont have any stories to tell, and i am a huge loser and they are all happy winner normies. but i try to not ram my loser weirdo neetness down their throat, and try to be as normie as i can. play down my loserness and insecurity and self-loathing cuz i know that comes across as VERY overbearing. so i dont overbear others with it. just in this blog and when i am by myself!

i didnt overbear HER with it either, she had barely any idea how crazy i am! i just overbeared her with pathetic pleas to pleeeeeeease hang out with meeeeeeeeee pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease respond.

aug 14

just spent all day reading about metal, mainly DSBM, but some regular non DSBM like this quebec nationalist black metal band forteresse, sheeeeeit all sorts of black metal. very close to giving ruins of beverast another chance.

well lets just put it this way, i like metal Solo Projects with Real Drums. Drum machines suck. also when you add more people it risks diluting the musical vision and purity. 2-person bands are also ok.

so basically you just tell women you want to HANG OUT and then you use a little GAME and if the first “date” goes ok, then you can get a second date, and then you bang them on the second date. this is insanely slutty!

it is so insane and disgusting and horrifying that THAT WOMAN is doing exactly that with a carousel of guys she meets on dating sites and tinder!

i guess this is women’s programming to get pregnant as soon as possible, by any means necessary. and then you NEED to have an abortion or oops baby to teach you a lesson. and then you forget that lesson after a few months, become a slut again, and have another abortion or oops baby.

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

welp i generally dont like 80 minute albums but might as well dive in here. i think some dude MJ lmao and good headphones would help a lot here. unfortuantely i have neither hehehe.

well even the pickup guys who like to bang sluts say that half of women dont bang on the second date. this is great news.

heh maybe half of THEM bang on the THIRD date. so, 75% of women bang on 3rd date, 88% on 4th, 94% on 5th, 97% on 6th, 99% on 7th, hahahahaha. doing a little rounding there.

i dunno. i am still not over her. she was SPECIAL to me goddamn it! she wasnt some random slut! yet to other guys she wilfull presents herself as a random slut. unbelieveable. disgusting. revolting.

interview tomorrow for part time job. 12k a year hahahahaha. well at least its permanent part time hahahaha. and i have worked with this organization before. but it is IMPOSSIBLE to get a full time job here. you have to REALLY know someone powerful . i thought i did, but i either didnt know them well enough or they werent powerful enough. prob both.

went for powerwalk. lyrinx was meh, ruins of beverast was interesting, not as bad production as i expected, but still pretty rough.

anyway i dont like having a special rel thrown away like it was not special. it makes me think the WHOLE THING was an illusion….WHEN IT WASNT.

also, i probably did NOT do something HORRIBLY WRONG AND BAD…..although it was very confusing and bad for me because i got the same reaction as if i had, and it was ENTIRELY up to me to cnvince myself that i hadn’t! and i am not very good at that!

also, i never want to do anything terrible, but i am aware that i might do something terrible, and i want someone to let me know so i can learn from it and never do it again! and she sort of let me know that i did something terrible.

but she DIDNT. she didnt do ANYTHING. maybe i did something bad, maybe I didnt.

http://www.online-stopwatch.com/cash-clock/

hehehehe time is money wagie, tick tock, back to work, another day another dollar.

so yeah i like it when the woman lets you know you didnt do anything terrible that makes you a terrible person, they say its not you its me. i like that. its cliche but it WORKS, it really MEANS something.

i dont want to be such an autistic sociopath that i do horrible things without knowing! i dont want to be a terrible person to other poeple!!!11

so yeah she could have been better in letting me know that i was not a terrible person basically.

and it took me a fookin YEAR to convince myself that she was just Overloaded and Ran Away. but jeez. at least send a messenger. send one last message. wasnt our earlier rel important to YOU???!?!?! Im pretty sure it was! dont be DISHONEST and pretend it wasnt!

but yeah its gonna be the father who teaches his daughter morals, including sexual morality. how to pick a good man. how to wait 8 dates before fooking. how to not bang too many guys. how to pick a good guy young. how to not cheat. how to dump a guy the right way. how to not lead a guy on. the mother just cant do this. because women cant TEACH shit. funny how most “teachers” are WOMEN!

so she turned out ok despite no father. she still hurt me greatly and i wish i had never met her. so if i had followed my never associate with fatherless women rule, then i never would have met her (or at least got attached to her), and my life would have been better.

i mean shit. it just sucks when you have to say “I WISH I NEVER MET YOU. YOU MADE MY LIFE WORSE. YOU BROUGHT MORE BAD THAN GOOD. YOU WERE A NET LOSS.”

when people have an Amicable Break Up, they don’t say THAT. they dont wish they never MET the person.

theres this book called The Ethical Slut which used to trigger me because being a slut isnt ethical, but i guess the book assumes a basis of do no harm, and communicate boundaries, and dont treat people like garbage, and how to communicate about awkward feelings in case your fuccboi gets feelings and you just wanna fucc moar fuccbois.

in other words, i would have LOVED being treated with the ethical guidelines advocated by The Ethical SLut hahahaha. i think.

http://candieportfoilo.yolasite.com/resources/The%20Ethical%20Slut.pdf

its NOT OK to NOT COMMUNICATE with your lovers or yourself hahahaha.  THANK YOU. hahahaha

http://openingup.net/

opening up by the degen slut tristan taormino is argued to be the better book.

heh. i am looking to the MOST DEGEN PEOPLE for advice on Ethical, Mature, Healthy Relships hahahaha. THAT is how IMPORTANT good COMMUNICATION is to ALL relationships, even degen slut ones.

EVEN DEGENERATE POLYAMOROUS SLUTS COMMUNICATE.

I agree with them that communication and respecting feelings is important, ethical, and good!

ok i think i have made my point hahahaha.

i watched “Fargo” last night on viceland degen tv. this is one of those movies that i have wanted to watch beginning to end but had never done so. i had seen the first 30 minutes recently and was quite intrigued. so i was glad to see it here and i caught it right at the beginning. decided to watch the whole thing. there were frequent commercials so that did not help. but overall i found it disappointing. it could and should have been a lot better. just because coen brothers are degen J’s doesn’t mean they haven’t made great movies. but some of them are not so great. this one tilts towards that, when I expected it NOT to.

joos writing supergoys seemed pretty condescending, patronizing, like look at these STUPID WHITE HICKS.

did the guys wife end up dying? i felt they really treated her like a piece of meat. thats somebodys mother. even if the kid is a brat and the father is a scumbag.

i guess frances mcdormand was the moral compass and that was ok…..but I would have liked to see that extend to the other goy characters, like the kidnapped wife. i mean did the big goy barbarian just knock her out, or sociopathically kill her like he did everyone else? did the kidnappers have any intention of doing a “fair” trade? were they just gonna kill the wife all along? why? why was the injun beating steven buscemi with a belt? prob because he drew the attention of the po po on him, i guess. but nothing ever happened to the injun. they never arrested him. or maybe they did later.

just seemed kinda lazy and sloppy and i know coen brothers can do better than this.

unless there are buried hints like a david lynch movie.

why was bill macy in financial trouble to begin with? why did he scam 320k from GMAC car loans if he just needed 1 car to give the criminals? it seemed like he wanted 750k to be loaned from his father in law.

maybe im just asking too many questions. but that is what i do. blame muh job. need to know everything about everything.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fargo_(film)

ok so the gmac loan is what he needs the money FOR. but why was he trying to scam them in the first place? gambling? hookers?

and why “fargo” if most of the movie took place in brainerd and minneapolis? he first met the kidnappers in fargo but thats about it.

I mean it was GOOD, but it wasnt nearly as good as i expected. it was disappointing and lazy and sloppy and i feel like i missed something. maybe they edited out important stuff for commercials. i guess the wife is supposed to be dead.

big lebowski was better, raising arizona and millers crossing were WAY better.

this should not be considered a top shelf coen brothers movie. it was lazy and patronizing. how did it win an oscar for best screenplay. how did it become such a phenomenon, with critics and fans shitting themselves over it?

i didnt really like “no country for old men” either.

i did really like the main musical theme of fargo though.

hahahahahahahaha

i didnt think it really SUCKED, I just thought it was ok, not great. is was disappointing and the coens can do better.

i have enjoyed coens films for YEARS and I totally understand and get their style. the layers and subtleties. the dialogue and dialects. ok thats FINE.

i might have liked it more if i saw it years ago, when i was more prone to suck the coen bros jooish dicks.

and i prob would have liked it moar with no commericials, and ucddling with a waifu.

that can make bad movies good.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/why-did-she-break-me

its good to Grieve but dont let it CONSUME you hhahahahaha. easier said than done. well it doesnt consume me as much hahaha. but other things do.

like oh god i am unqualified at everything, incompetent, can never get a job or a woman, completely worthless hahaha.

anyway. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

so lets just assume 50% of women are dirty n>=4 whores and 50% are decent n<4 marriageable women. because we just DONT KNOW, and the great rule of thumb is, always assume 50/50 when you DONT KNOW.

i can live with 50/50!

i mean i think being a high number slut who gives it up real quick is a good proxy or way to measure a womans morality and trustworthiness in general. do they really walk the walk. or are they loose. hotdog in a hallway. jsut a damn mercenary riding the coch carousel, where she has given many men a Turn. It MATTERS and STOP PRETENDING IT DOESNT!!!! But they’re not pretending, they TRULY BELIEVE it doesnt matter. totally brainwashed.

okok i need some TROB with……clearer production.  the newest one is generally rated the lowest but its the only one i havent heard at all.  plus i just straight up RESPECK this guy, he is just very special, i dont care that he is a pagan hahahahahahaha. tree worshipper.  he also has Male Pattern Baldness and a Hirsute Robin Williams like body. this endears him even more to me.

i would totally make a moderate effort to see him live. i am glad he likes to play live. why the hell wouldnt you. like these black metal phaggots that are too grim to play. or dsbm people that are too despaired to play live. come on. even trist played live a few times.

i mean yeah the fans are degenerate losers but theres probably one guy there like me who is not hahaha. who is really enjoying your show.

interview tomorrow and i am not even worried or anxious. how can you, for an 11 dollar 20 hour a week job. good god. why do i even wear a suit. why do i think i need a NICE suit.  well at least now i have a nice suit in case i need it. and i just wear it to every damn interview anyway. i am pretty happy about the suit. i had been meaning to get one for YEARS, at least 4 years or so.

i was glad to hear people on the daily shoah agree that MULTITASKING is BULLSHIT. total BULLSHIT. i couldnt agree more. but you HAVE to say you are REALLY REALLY good at it. but if youre HONEST with yourself, it just means you do a shitty, distracted job on many tasks at once. only the most autistic people like rainman MIGHT be good at multitasking. only half of the 1% most autistic people might be good at multitasking. its fookin BULLSHIT, end of story. but we are not allowed to say that. worse, we are forced to actually attempt to multitask!

i dont mind that women are like children……..except for the fact that they do a LOT MORE DAMAGE that children. they break hearts and cheat and ruin lives without remorse. children don’t do this. you dont give the baby a machine gun.

women are like babies born with machine guns. but in the past, society used to do what it could to put the safety on that gun, or take it away.

but why should women be born with something theyre TOO IMMATURE TO USE?

so they can get pregnant as soon as possible, that’s why.

and if they choose poorly, either them, the baby, or both can suffer the consequences for that AFTER the baby is born. but not before.

maybe men and women are not as different as i thought. they just want to fook any (secsy) thing that moves, no regard to the consequences. they dont care who they hurt. we are an r selected inger species hehehehe.

yeah well we WHIITES HAVE to be better than that. maybe thats how humans started, but thats not what WE evolved into. WHITES DONT DO R SELECTION. and it disgusts me to see white women doing it.

women dont have to do time in the prison of relationshiplessness hahahaha. they don’t get tons of TIME to THINK about the DYNAMICS and the ins and outs of relationships because they’re too busy being IN them. they never have a chance to view it from the OUTSIDE. think outside of the box hahahaha.

with me and other foreveralone nevergf virgins, its the exact opposite. we spend all our time thinking about rels, and exactly ZERO time actually IN them!

isnt that funny hahahaha.

holy sheet this one guy who i used to work with at my fun job which i left……..almost 3 years ago, he is still working there! this is just sad because he is older than me, has a degree, has his teaching certificate, and can get a FT teacher job, just sub shit. and they have hired two FT people in the department in the 3 years since i left, and they did not offer HIM the job! maybe they did but he said no? i wuldnt have said no! they interviewed ME for one of those jobs. i didnt get it and i was kinda pissed. why didnt they interview me for the other one? i cant remember exactly when the other one happened. before or after the one interview i had.

maybe i was that shitty of an employee hahahaha. but i dont think so. i definitely was not an electrifying team leader however, and i did not schmooze with Higher Ups like i should have. I just nodded my head and did what they told me and was nice to everybody. but the people i schmoozed best with were not higher ups. they were just level 1 saps like me, or in different departments. the maintenance guy.

heh wasnt good enough to get me an interview when i applied for the maintenance job a few months ago, for the 3 days a year the position is open. blink and you will miss it. literally.

 

 

DO YOU REALLY WANT A WH0RE FOR THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN

may 14

was at fatclub yesterday and say beautiful 20 year old max white gurl wth nice long blond hair, not dyed or anything, and she was so cute, but she was wearing these pants that were so ridiculous tight, it was like she was wearing nothing at all. of course i was staring and gawking and ogling and thinking of her sitting on muh face. even though she was only 20 years old. maybe 19. i wouldnt just bang her, i would try to date her long term. hopefully she was nice rather than a huge bitch. but i was sad that her father hadnt instilled better values in her, to go out in public wearing clothes like that. she was wearing a big large t shirt….why cant they do they same with the pants???????

why am I complaining? I reap the benefits of being able to stare at her 20 year old ass! sure, most pornified degenerate men wont complain, but as a 1488 14 words man, I view women for what they really are: not porny sex objects, but as the mothers of our children.

do you really want a WHORE for the mother of your children?

just as women dont ask themselves obvious questions like, should I be wearing these tight pants, men don’t ask themselves obvious questions like this.

was watching ken burns jazz last night and it was pretty good. very watchable. dont know how accurate it was but I was glued to the tv. i bet the whole series is worth watching. i saw episode 8 or 9 which introduced monk, had the death of charlie parker.

parkers death was super pathetic and sad. he was in terrible health at 34 years of age. the doctor said he had the body of a 50-60 year old. so he used to do drugs, I think heroin, but then got off that, but then he was drinking heavily at the end of his life. he just keeled over and died one day at age 34, they said it was pneumonia and also some cirrhosis of the liver. he would wander around all night and appear disheveled and mad and crazy. i suspect he was bipolar and tried to “control” it with alcohol, which didnt help. and rather than go to a doctor, he just died in front of the tv. not sure how much he was drinking that night. heavy drinkers will over drink so much they start puking blood and will go to the hospital, where the dr says, you better stop drinking NOW, you have no liver left, you have the liver of a 90 year old man, if you keep drinking, you will die.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charlie_Parker

yeah it was sad an pathetic. but i dont like that he was having children with a white woman, well really thats more her fault. an early mudshark.

i dunno. this could be a problem for me. i genuinely enjoy jazz and have for many years, but its almost inherently black and j00ish and degenerate. its not super popular wiht the 1488 crowd hahahahahaha.  yeah well i dont care, I will be the 1488 guy who likes jazz. it doesnt mean I support the degeneracy of many major jazz musicians. modern jazz quartet made a point of not being degenerate.  also, how degenerate was MONK. I agree with everyone, monk was amazing and I dont think he did mad drugs like parker, davis, coltrane.

jazz was sponsored by a rothschild hahahaha the baroness pannonice whatever. oy vey. not good. bad 1488er hahaha.

anyway i dont think monk was heavy into drugs, though he prob sm0ked some MJ. he was just crazy which was either autism or schizophrenia.

to all the jazz guys who had problems with heroin and alcohol, i wonder, why didnt they just sm0ke tons of MJ instead?????

dave brubeck was NOT J00ish. wow. this is the first time I have gotten a false positive on my Jdar. many J’s can pass as huhwhyte, but I’ve seen very few huhwhytes who I thought were J’ish. I fully assumed brubeck was a J but even J’ish News is saying that he was not one of them. but he was a philosemitic Mensch who was mentored by J’ish composers hahaha.

but brubeck did not seem like a hueg degenerate. and he was technically huhwhyte. might be the perfect jazz person for me as a 1488er hahaha.

hmm i did not realize miles davis died in 1991 at age 65 or so. I thought he died younger of drugs. well good for him for getting off drugs.

also brubeck became a CATHOLIC later in life after being an atheist. that is pretty good.

yeah really im more interested in musicians personal lives than the music they made. if i like their personal lives, then I might try listening to their music.

i mean i am interested in peoples personal lives in general: their relationships, their failures, their struggles, their insecurities, their doubts, their worries. them falling in luv, them getting heartbroken, how they get along with people, etc. who they really are. their  morals, how they treat people, if they are cowards or deadbeats, or if they are decent people. the drugs they take. are they a degenerate. this is the stuff that really matters to me. about anyone.

there is “cool jazz” which may have been started by miles davis on “birth of the cool” and became associated with the west coast. brubeck may have also been associated with this. it was much more laid back and chill than the bebop stuff. which I like, but I also like the laid back stuff. not to be confused with “smooth jazz” which sounds too overproduced and sterile and corny to me.

how does valentina hot sauce compare to the more popular cholula hot sauce….dont know. i cant remember what cholula tastes like. if its anything like franks red hot, no thank you. its not that its bad, its just overplayed.

coltrane also got off of heroin long before he died of cancer at age 50 or 60 something.

yes i know ken burns is a neocon “classicist” who is patronizing and hates blacks hahahahahahahaha so only naive rich white benevolent racists watch his documentaries of white privilege hahaha and nod their heads and say this is great, while true marxist revolutionary sjw’s curl their lip and say this is insulting and offensive and such a whitewashed history. he’s so tone deaf and inplicitly, systematically racist. he is on the wrong side of history. only uneducated white racists watch ken burns documentaries. dont even get me started on “the civil war” hahahaha.

i dont like ken burns either but daaaaamn he;s just not antiwhite enough for the 2010s.  peak shitlib.

waaaaah SHE wasnt a huge shitlib and was probably open to being redpilled by me waaaaaah

now she can get redpilled and Fooked Hard and Deep by a more manly red pill man.

was I UNFAIR to HER by falling in love with her? YES, OF COURSE. YES, OF COURSE I PUT HER in a hard spot. yes of course it was technically UNFAIR. it was UNFAIR but not necessarily Wrong or Bad. It was a good thing that happened at a bad time.

cannot seem to get below 148 pounds. keep jumping between 148 and 150 pounds. kind of frustating, especially since I have been technically ok with muh calories.

i just wish women were more nervous about secs. I mean, you CAN get pregnant from this. this IS how life is created. be a little more discerning and CAREFUL about when, how often, and to whom you Open Your Legs and Life Creator. RESPECT THE PROCESS hahahahahahahahahaha.

but seriously. RESPECT THE PROCESS.

you should be MORE nervous than the man.

and women think its WEIRD that I get nervous about secs. and they just say, its ONLY SECS, dont you have a lot of experience in casual secs like everyone else including me does?

I would like to be with someone long term enough where I can start to not be so nervous about the secs. but I am also nervous about them dumping me hhahahaha. cuz normally its shortly after we start getting “intimate” that they dump me. they being the two women I have ever gotten intimate with, over 10 years ago hahahaha. but believe me the normie women I see regularly seem even MOAR slutty than these women. you can just tell theyve been with too many guys hahaha. but not THAT woman. well, now she may be starting to become a slut. why would she go down that path? just choose me! dont choose a life of degeneracy! choose someone who cares about you, has your best interests in mind, is thinking about the long term, and who will support you….morally/ emotionally if not financially. because all women make more than i do hahahahaha. including her.

shit. i hate how i was so wrong, and i cant even trust my own mind or judgment anymore.

like Thirsty Lonely Omega Virgins like me tend to mistake friendliness from a woman, for Secsy Interest.

And Thirsty Lonely Virgins probably also mistake Normal Average Friendship for “close, intimate friendship”, because they are that lonely and desperate.

so she saw me as just an average friend, but I was so lonely and desperate I saw her as a GOOD friend.

well…. i didnt really mistake her friendliness as interest in me…..except when i was first becoming friends with her. I thought it was WEIRD she was being so friendly to me when she had a BF, so…..i tried not to get too close to her, and encouraged her to work things out with her BF.

see, thats where a Respectful Ending would come in handy. it would answer some important questions, like, how important of a friend was I to HER? higher importance or lower importance? was I WRONG in thinking she thought of me as a good/important/strong friend? or did she think of me as just a casual acquaintance the whole time? and I hate doubting my judgment on that.  was I just THAT lonely and desperate for any female attention? or did we actually have a mutually-recognized important friendship? From the way it ended, it’s impossible for me to know. but that COULD have been cleared up. Indeed I asked for clarification on that issue. didnt get it.

well, i think it WAS more than a casual acquaintance, and it WAS a serious deep important friendship to her, because she told me things she said she had never told anyone else. So I took that pretty seriously. As I should, I think. I appreciated being held in high trust like that. indeed I never betrayed it! but I worried she thought I betrayed it.

but yeah the point for today, 9 months after writing her the last email, is….how right or wrong was I about saying yeah she WAS a good friend and yeah we DID have an important, valuable friendship? OR WAS IT ALL IN MY HEAD??? I dont WANT it to be all in my head, because what ELSE am I wrong about?

so yeah, I think the rational conclusion is, dont get it twisted, it WAS an important friendship, and I was NOT wrong about that.

what are some things that look wrong to the untrained layman, but to the expert, everything is ok, and you have to convince the layman why thats not a bug, thats a feature, this thing is working as intended, you think its wrong because you have no sense of judgment and here’s why.

so we had to do that regularly in muh job and I hated doing it. because I was essentially a layman myself, and I didn’t understand why it was a feature and not a bug.

Wish I wrote down more examples, cuz then I could have more specific stories to tell in interviews.

but today I was in church and the choir/musicians, well there were it sounded like 2 guitar players and at least one of them was out of tune, and was also a really shitty player. sounded like they had been playing guitar less than 3 months. at best, it sounded like they had not practiced these songs at ALL.

and then I doubted my judgment. Maybe I’M WRONG, and this shit is actually GOOD. who am I to say he’s out of tune and out of rhythm? Am I an expert musician? how can I tell?

but then I thought, even the average layman nonmusician can tell when music is out of tune, or out of time, or sounds shitty and unrehearsed. it just sounds bad because it IS bad.

also I have “played” some sort of guitar for like 17 years so yes I AM kinda an expert.

and I used to get frustrated at how many people could not tell when they were BLATANTLY out of tune. like this guy. Guitars go out of tune easily, but it just takes 1 minute to put them back in tune.

A Best Practice before any musical performance is to make sure all the instruments are in tune, or at least in tune with each other. right? right? i’m no musical director tho……

so it depends on the thing I guess. music is much more obvious and straightforward than stupid software and systems. a layman can tell when a performer is out of tune. however a layman can’t tell when the program is or isn’t having a bug.

sure a layman can have an intuition that something sucks…….but his intuition is wrong.

i guess music is much more intuitive than Software User Experience hahahahaha.

but you are entitled to your opinion to say that Your User Experience sucks. doesnt mean the Developers need to listen to your Cost-Prohibitive Suggestions.

how does SHE deal with these situations? because these are the type of situations both me and her had to deal with. I have no idea. She wouldnt let me into that world. she wouldn’t let me into any of her worlds hahahaha. and even though we were now Just Work Friends, she wouldnt even talk to me about Work, and when I would ask her specific work questions she would just say idk lol. idk lol was her response to everything lol.

that was/is really fookin annoying. I’m trying to talk to you about serious shit and all you can say is idk lol ikr lol.

Is this just how 25 year old women are? it sounds more like a 16 year old gurl.

but I luved her because she hadnt taken as many cox as the average american 16 year old gurl who by age 16, has taken 16 cox or moar hahahaha.

took a half dose of nyquil. did not wait 3 days this time. only 2. oh well. still a lot better than 1 day.

ok. so MJ dispensaries are all cash only businesses because MJ is still federally illegal. but what stops dispensary owners from depositing that cash into regular banks. i mean does the bank demand proof of where that money came from?

does the revenue a business makes technically “flow through” the business owner and essentially become his personal income?

so there is this interesting side industry of i dunno private banks, where heavily armed security guards guard piles of cash made by dispensaries. ex military men with big guns. so what keeps them from stealing some of the money? how can the cash owner get ez access to his funds? what if the pseudobankers get robbed?

dunno. if a dispensary owner were contacting me for expert advice, i would say they are screwed. you want better explanation, pay 400 bucks an hour for an attorney. not 15 bucks an hour for me.

being a 21 year old virgin really is not all that weird.

but being a 25 year old virgin IS.

and being a 30 year old virgin is just incomprehensibly weird that you can’t even admit to it without getting extremely shamed as a monster and huge weirdo.

well what about a 23 year old virgin then?

27 year old virgin?

but yeah i want to just be somewhat comfortable with a woman: comfortable that they won’t leave me very soon, that I can have secs with them like 10 times at least and become comfortable with secs with them. all young women have experienced a rel like this, including my nonslutty female friend, but many men have never been omfortable with secs with anyone ever.

i am jelly of anyone who has ever been comfortable with secs. i am always so nervous about getting the gurl preggers…..but i dont like most forms of birth control, like the Oral Pill, or stuff that affects wimminz already crazy hormones. its so much easier to wear a rubber. i dont have a problem with that whatsoever! the 2 times i had secs i used a rubber hahaha. well the gurl kinda insisted on it. i dont know if she was using a Pill. we didnt know each other that well to discuss such an intimate thing, hahaha. but she knew me well enough to fook me, becuase its just secs! its not a big deal! i dont owe this guy an explanation of if im on the pill or not. just have him use a rubber.

shit many gurls will just get drunk and not care about you wearing a rubber. i could see That Woman doing such a thing, and idiotically getting Hepatitis from some sleazebag that way. cuz she was too dumb to insist on a rubber.

fookin nyquil. kinda using that as muh MJ hahaha.  i shoulda used more nyquil while doing my job. that is, come home and IMMEDIATELY take a half dose, and then I should be good for working the next day. calm muh t1ts and get 10 hours of sleep.

the prob is when you crash madly to sleep, but then you wake up like 5 hours later and stay awake for 1 to 2 hours before finally managing to get to sleep. also you get very thirsty. you need to drink a lot of water, which in turn makes you peepee a lot, which in turn will wake you up.

anyway i would much rather be smokin MJ.

 

 

 

ANOTHER COK IN THE WALL, pt 6000000

april 10

i was bored with franks red hot sauce, and switched to “valentinas mexican hot sauce”. it is a little thicker and a more exciting, less vinegary flavour. i like it. praise the LORD.

fook. i should write my own Business Communication Book. seriously. theres SUCH A VOID out there. I CANT BELIEVE no one has written this DEARLY NEEDED book. You could make a MILLION BUCKS.

write something for BEWILDERED, FLUSTERED level 1 tech support agents who don’t understand shit and have to constantly deal with shit they dnt understand, and try to explain things they dont understand.

it could be as easy and honest as saying, listen, honestly I dont understand this, so I can’t explain it to you.

the risk there is that they think youre WRONG that nothing can be done. which is fair. how do you know nothing can be done if you can’t explain why? isnt it possible that you the newb are MISSING something?

most often you are just relaying information from level 2 : “tell them it cant be fixed.” level 2 should be smart enough to know that kind of shit MAKES the caller want to speak with THEM.

so you say ok i can handle it….but you really cant.

the trick is to, at the end of the day, review all 20 or so of your new cases and figure out what questions you have, what didnt make sense at the time. and then MAKE SENSE out of it, make flashcards, make podcasts, so that you understand it before the next work day.

you have your 8-10 hours at work, then you have you HOMEWORK to learn and prepare for work, hahaha.

if you work 40 hours a week, try to study 10 hours outside of work for that.

if yu work 50 hours a week, shit. just say fook it, no studying, im here 50 hours a week.

if you work 30 hours a week, study like 6 hours a week, and better yet, do it there, so they can see you staying late. or early. whenever the manager is most likely to see you.

http://www.roadsnacks.net/most-redneck-places-in-florida/

i heard that florida panhandle is super duper REDNECK. REDNECK is code for area where I want to live and want to raise my children, around friendly, gun-toting, politically incorrect, white people. redneck is best neck hahaha.

redneck means WHITE MAN COME HOME.

I wanna take my waifu and live in a really REDNECK area.

now i would want to be within 10 miles of community college where my children could learn professional and trade skills. and also maybe not too much of snake handling religious evangelicals. catholics would be just fine though. ok where do catholic rednecks live. or orthodox hahahaha.

there are a lot of white rednecks in the deep south but also a lot of blacks.

but plenty of white rednecks use meth and act like blacks hahaha. and other rednecks drink too much.  and what if they dont like me APPROPRIATING their cultcha hahahaha.

it doesnt matter. we are all whites. its not really appropriating hahaha.

i dont think the people who like my posts realize that i am an out and proud white racist.

tallahassee area might be ideal for me. but the redneck small towns outside of tallahassee. but close enough to the amenities of the big city, and far away enough from the diversity hahaha. also i like a good state university sometimes. a place where mah keeids can get a good stem or business or medical degree. ivy league might frown on FSU but its more than good enough for me and my kin.

plenty of lakes and forests in the area, redneck riviera nearby. come on. perfect.

nearby midway is 86% black hahahahaha. i looked at it because i thought great, a nice white suburb of the big black citay. hahahaha its 86% black. this is why it helps to be familiar with an area.

not that i hate blacks, but i just dont want to live in an 86% black area, and I bet many of the blacks there dont want to live there either.

well the street view looks like what we would call the COUNTRY. martin luther king blvd doesnt look at ALL what I expect MLK blvd to look like.  i mean it doesnt look that bad at all. it looks very liveinable!

also i didnt like that i was willing to help her with the job, but she wasnt willing to help me, and I seemed to need so much help, and she didn’t need ANY, yet, honestly, i was much BETTER and SMARTER than her. I didnt need help as much as I thought I did, and she needed much more help than she thought she did. she was way overconfident and i was way underconfident.

i needed emotional, moral support more than anything. cuz it was a fooking tuff job. i hated that it was so tuff for me, and so easy for her.

no it wasnt easy for her, but god damn it was super tuff for ME. and she got me the damn job hahahaha. i wouldnt have been there if she hadnt essentially offered and encouraged me to take the job. now she wasnt gonna help me with it hahaha. talk about a betrayal hahahaha. here get this horrible job and im not gonna help you with it even though you will need tons of help hahaha. no its not a technical betrayal but it just sucked balls. huge disappointment.

try to get some lumbar support on your back when sitting. especially if you are sitting for 10 hours a day, glued to the desk, multitasking 10 different weird cases.

and when she started out, she had her longterm BF to help HER. this is the noncheater, the decent guy, i got along with him. when HE left, my feelings started to form. it was clear he was no longer invested in the rel. it was clearly over. anyway he was a lot tuffer than me and he was good at the job to. he could help her whenever she needed. also since they lived together she could talk to him at ANY time about job related worries. like wake up in the middle of the night and fear OH GOD WHAT DO I DO IF. and he will be there hahaha.

yeah that happened to me sometimes.

im not sure if HE studied outside of work, but he also had no problem working 90 hours a week, so im sure he learned a lot then.

you have got to be TOUGH to do that. I would get offered overtime but I would always turn it down. no I will not stay one extra hour for 20 DAH!!!!!

try really slowing down the speed to like 2.6 mph if you are going above 8 or 9 % incline on the treadmill. slow speed with high incline. can still burn a decent amount of calkories.

and if you can burn 1000 calories in one Gym Session, that is really good. it takes me like 2 hours at least hahaha.

you HAVE to know if the person you a dating or fooking is fooking somebody else. its your business because youre fooking them too and could get a disease from the other person. so if they say, its none of your business what i do with my body, say fook yeah it IS, because i can get a disease from the sleaze you do with your whorish body!!!!

same thing if you are dating somebody with a history of cheating. you dont want them to cheat on YOU.  have they repented for their sins and promised to never cheat again? and how are you supposed to believe them?

this is why i prefer to date women that have never been sluts, AND who have never cheated. this is like 1% of women hahahahaa.

well, maybe i am too harsh. maybe it is like 5% of women. that is still a small minority, BUT its FIVE TIMES more optimistic than my previous estimate!

the largest employers in my city  have like 3000, 2000, 1000 employees….but each of them list like only 2 or 3 openings for mid level engineers and managers with 10 years of experience!!!! where are all the entry level machine operators and warehouse people?

does the company not even list these jobs and the temp agency is the only person who knows about the openings?

in which case you CANT apply directly to the company, the company does not even BOTHER “sourcing talent” at such a low, untalented level? maybe.

and of course the temp agencies never say who their client is. client confidential.

so now you need to find the staffing agency so and so uses. toyota. general motors. microsoft. apple. well they get their shit manufactured in china. foxxconn. suicide nets and all that. dont know what I’m talking about? THEN YOU DONT DESERVE A JOBB!!!!!!

that was my big motto a few years ago in 2012 when I was working my fun, loser job, before I got my horrible bigboy job. I thought of all the people dumber than me who were gainfully employed and i was butthurt because they didnt DESERVE their jobs!!!!! they didnt know such and such piece of business related trivia!

well some of it is pretty relevant, important “trivia!”  just ask the families of the people who jumped out of the windows of foxconn!

that PERSON wouldnt know what I am talking about!!!! how is she smart enough to make 15DAH?

but I’m also not as smart as I thought I am. I have like 101 IQ. 115 MAX. so, not super smart.

also she doesnt really need to know about foxconn to be able to do her job WELL. she just needs to be able to reject people well, say it is what it is, i cant help you, there is no explanation, sorry, goodbye. and she is much better at that than I am. whereas I am much better at actually knowing things and understanding things and really solving problems at their ROOT cause. she is horrible at all these things. she just wants to smoke MJ and listen to music and Fight The System and maybe fook a few Tough Guys, maybe a few Blacks, try to find a father figure.

but she’s still more successful at job, luv, and life than me. she makes a lot more money than me. she has been in a 5 year monog rel. I have never been in a monog rel. just shitty pseudo rels for 3 months maximum.

and it wasnt because i had trust issues or narcissism issues or insecurity issues. well I DID but they didnt know me well enough to even realize that. women short term date guys ALL THE TIME like this. how many guys you fooked where you dated them less than 3 months?

oooooooo shit that is going RIGHT in my interview for wife file hahahaha.

how many guys you fooked where you dated them less than 3 months? fooked a guy but never really dated him; and he wanted a rel, but you didnt, and just fooked him a little and was DONE with him within 3 months? his TURN was over.

or maybe he didnt want a rel. you just casually fooked and then one or both of you lost interest within 3 months. no big investment. just fooking another man. another faceless chad in the cox WALL.

ANOTHER CHAD IN THE COK WALL

i just hate that she is going out and having casual secs with dudes. cuz this just what ALL PEOPLE do.  that she is giving away freely, what I would have basically given my LIFE for.  absolutely disgusting and horrifying.

you can get pregnant you MORON! secs SHOULD be more serious for women! the consequences are more SERIOUS for women!!!!!! thats WHY theres a double standard!!!! yet even decent, smart, nonslutty women don’t understand and will deny The Double Standard. Oh well. let them deny it as long as they don’t walk the talk and become sluts.

fookin sluts. have a baby with anyone.

how come women will have a babby with ANY man, yet men have STANDARDS about who they have babys with??!?!

how come women dont have standards, but men do?

hahahaha. see going down a bad cognitive path here.

its not even true. women have standards too. and some of them have reasonable standards. a sizeable minority even! at least 30% of women have reasonable standards. that is, they know how to pick a strong, secure man who is also not a thug or deadbeat or scammer or Player. a strong man who would be a good husband and father. 30% of women can pick a strong man and not be fooled by deadbeats.

doesn’t help you if you’re not a strong man! you are even less attractive than deadbeats then! and its probably easier to become a charismatic deadbeat than an actual strong man!!!!

http://www.amazon.com/Problem-Solving-101-Simple-People/dp/1591842425/ref=pd_sim_14_2?ie=UTF8&dpID=51SX3LQaagL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR92%2C160_&refRID=1MA6PF2ZW4P30DQ51VJK

need help to think outside of the box and innovate and PROBLEM SOLVE

when did SHE ever  BUY a book on Problem Solving , and another book on Communication, to help her at her job? When did she ever use Communication to help solve a problem in a Relationship? come on!

I hate how she is associated with my confidence in my JOB. how do I unassociate her from this.

http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Customer-Service-Skills-Professional/dp/0538748532/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1460328784&sr=1-1&keywords=customer+service+help+desk

this book would be worth assigning to our people at the Help Desk. but nooooo I only found it 9 months after quitting the job hahaha.

Heh. I just bought that book with the amazon gift card i earned from doing a market research study. along with a package of soft cotton hanes boxer shorts hahahahaha. i got $100 at amazon. want to use it wisely. i dont want to go back to to help desk service desk technical support shit but…..hopefully this book with its customer service principles can be extarpolated to other shit too. my technical skills were pretty good, but the technical reference / knowledge base we had was SHITTY. Oh yeah. thats not in the knowledge base.

i do quite enjoy this valentinas hot sauce over the franks hot sauce. franks is very vinegary and I am totally bored with it after eating it for years. the valentinas has a more complex and interesting flavor as well.

fooking bitch. then reading stuff to try to help me with jobs like THAT JOB makes me think of THAT WOMAN and how she doesnt have to work SO HARD just to not go crazy. she doesnt buy books off amazon. she doesnt study work shit on her free time. she doesnt have her mind racing on work stuff. she doesnt wake up in the middle of the night worried about work stuff and what if i get a call on this thing i dont know. or even we have no idea how this works, but we support it. how can you support something that you dont know how it works, or how to fix it?

no. she just leaves the work stuff at work and takes MJ.

for me it was IMPOSSIBLE to leave work at work. i kept bringing it home more and more until there was no separation. i wasnt working on projects, i was studying shit because there was so mcuh shit to know. and i wanted to be prepared for every possible type of call.

she didnt do that! she focused on her family hahahaha.

and now she is prob focuses on Badboy Cox! the darker the better!

anyway i hate losing all confidence in the job, then connecting HER to the job, and oh SHE can do it, and I cant. shes TOUGHER than me, she can HANDLE LIFE better, she can handle ridiculous situations better.

i hate that i broke down and she doesnt care.

if i had broke down but not gotten feelings for her, she probably would have extended care and comfort, like im sorry you couldnt handle the job.

help desk service desk

http://www.thinkhdi.com/library/supportworld.aspx

this is the closest think to a help desk trade/professional “journal” i have seen. again most of the shit is geared towards managers and not stuff thats really gonna help level 1 schmucks like me and her. some people just have a real hard time with it and flunk out, like me. others adapt and move up. like her.  maybe thats why she threw me away like a piece of garbage. because I was worthless at my job hahahaha.

well thats false. like i said before, i was a lot better than her.

i actually handled calls LIKE A BOSS for a while. when i used to sit next to her, she could hear all my calls and she said she was impressed by the way i handled calls so well, oh she could never handle calls like that!

http://www.thinkhdi.com/library/supportworld/2015/support-community-more-than-wiki.aspx

we had internal forums where our users would comment on the software in a desperate attempt to try to learn from each other, because training sucked, and experts were hiding somewhere laughing at us idiots. they would say pleeease help meeeee and wait for an “expert” or “moderator” to read and respond, usually with shitty advice. you could tell that the first moderators to respond were contractors making 10 DAH, spelling errors, blacks hahahaha. and they would respond with something that clearly indicated they DIDNT understand the problem at ALL. it went WAY over their heads. and eventually boiled down to “call tech support so we can start a ticket.” then you could talk to an “idiot” that didnt understand you. and hopefully get your shit escalated to someone who does understand.

and all the knowledge is secret. everythings a big secret and you dont understand anything.

http://www.thinkhdi.com/library/supportworld/2014/proactive-problem-management.aspx

its somewhat useful stuff, but wasnt super relevant to Surviving In The Trenches. that’s what I want. how do so many people do it? how come theres nothing on the fookin INTERNET???!?!?!?! the internet is supposed to be full of information!!!!

http://www.forbes.com/sites/work-in-progress/2014/08/08/five-alternatives-to-saying-i-dont-know/#17f3144f754c

this woman actually has some good sample bullshit phrases for when you dont know:

QUOTE

“Let me be sure I understand which information you’re looking for…”

“Based on what we know today, my thoughts are…”

“That’s a timely question, because I’m currently gathering XYZ information…”

“I can answer that in part, but would like to consider it further and get back to you.”

“Great question.  I’m just not familiar enough with XYZ to hazard a guess.  Let me connect you with…”

END

1. Here’s what I know. “I do know sales for X client are up from last quarter.”
2. Here’s what I don’t know. “However, I don’t know the exact sales numbers for this quarter off the top of my head.”
3. Here’s how I’ll figure it out. “So let me go back to the earnings release, double check the numbers, and get back to you. When do you need this information by?”
from::

http://www.cnn.com/2011/09/26/living/answer-questions-cb/

http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/how-to-respond-when-you-dont-know-the-answer-to-qu.html

QUOTE::

“I’m not completely sure, so I’d rather get you the exact and accurate answer by (give date).”

Then, in a very obvious way, write down the question and person’s contact information (or select someone else to do it), research it, and follow up on time as promised. Be specific, if possible, “I will contact our head of engineering today, and if his schedule permits giving me an answer quickly, I will get back to you no later than tomorrow afternoon. Is that okay?”

END

does SHE have a fooking 9000 page what to say during the interview file on how you answer questions like “what do you say and do when somebody asks you a question you dont know the answer to.”

no she just smokes MJ and GOES WITH THE FLOW. keep calm and carry on. god damn.

and got mad at ME because I actually wanted to really fix problems and udnerstand what the caller was saying.

dont take it out on ME just because youre a lazy moron!!!!!

hehehe i am taking it out on her that I couldnt handle the job. and that i couldnt handle HER. but in my defense, she handled me HORRIBLE. she couldnt handle ME!

http://lifehacker.com/5957559/how-do-i-answer-when-im-stumped-by-an-important-question

http://www.wikihow.com/Defuse-a-Situation-With-a-Difficult-Customer

shit. how does anyone handle life hahaha. why isnt everyone 30 year old virgin neets hahahaha.

 

AFTER 30 GUYS, U DONT CARE WHOSE C0Q U TAKE OR WHOSE HEART U BREAK

1224

sheeeeeit.  had dream with her in it, didnt need that. she was cuddling with me in a half hearted, not really into it sort of way.

because i am anxious and ambivalent and neurotic i am always worried about lovers Not Really Loving Me, then i push them away with my Smothering Doubt. Do you really luv me? do you really luv me? hehehehe and they get mad and say well obviously nothing i do will never be enought o convince you! and they leave. but its my fault for not trusting them hahahaha.

BUTTTT the point is, they really did never luv me, so i was RIGHT to doubt their luv! we were never in that kind of rel, of COURSE they didnt LUV me!

so i didnt push her away with pushing of “do you realy luv me? i dont believe you. i dont believe you.”

it was more pushing her away with  “i want to talk about me liking you” and it was clear at that point she didnt like me back so she saw no need to talk about it.

ok. i guess i just wanted to end our Rel in a nicer way. thats a valid wish hahahaha.

but yeah i have a very insecure relationship style anyway where i WOULD eventually suspect the person of losing interest in me and probably push them away with my suspicion. because its been a recurrring problem in muh “rels” with wimmin, that they never had much interest in me to being with.

but Some Women dont need to have much interest in you to have secs with you and show a lot of interest in you for like 2 weeks. and that is just a mindfook for me!!!! well ya sure seemed INTERESTED for those 2 weeks!!!!!! and i liked that!

i jsut hate being so weak with women that i throw my OWN life down the crapper.

well, part of it was due to the job itself. but at least 60% of it was having to work every day with someone who not only rejected me, but Harshy Terribly Meanly Rejected me. when this was the woman i wanted to spend muh life with hhahahahaha.

so this one persnality test says i am “THE COMPOSER.”

but basically the biggest thing of my personality is that i am NEUROTIC. and then introverted hugely. but even MORE hugely neurotic.

and that sucks because you cant put a positive spin on neurotic like you can with introvert. neurotic is just a recipe for being a total loser at life. you will have BIG trouble getting and keeping jobs, women, and friends. you will be constantly tortured by anxiety and doubt and despair and no confidence and generally be a miserable failure virgin mgtow hahahahahaha. never find a white wife. can only pay thai and philippine gurls to bang you.

well at least i have given up pron. it has been a few months since i looked at it. but damn. even just a year ago i was looking at it maybe once a week! thats not a LOT…. but its still probably too much!!!!!!!! and you need to go cold turkey for MONTHS to get your brain back to unpronified mode.

but the composer…..yeah muh neurotic narciss writing blog right here is my main “composition.” GREAT.

and brigning that neuroticism into every rel with women….pushes them away.

i am cool and distant and find it very difficult to get close to people and make new friends…….BUT i also try to be ver nice to people as a rule so they dont think of me as an autistic weirdo. so i am remembered as A Nice Guy rather than a Weirdo Loner Sperg Psycho hahaha.  so they might not know much abotu me but they know i am a nice guy who is easy to get along with and friendly. i was kinda becoming that guy at my job….but then i SNAPPED. i hate SNAPPING.

MW had his Female Panel the other night and i guess there was a troll and he made the video unlisted. im not even sure what happened. maybe a male troll showing his bare ass on webcam? i dont know. dont quote me.

but then there are hardcore mgtows in the comments calling the women bitches and say fook you for using men as disposable cannon fodder, if this is what it means to be a man and man up, i want no part of it, i dont want to be a slave sacrificing my life for a cvnt etc etc etc.

and i am very interested in this debate because i can understand both sides. at this point this guy sounds like a real woman hater, and i would say, well, ideally men and women are complementary, the man doesnt mind sacrificing for his Fair Maiden, because she reciprocates with her LOYALTY and LUV and SUPPORT and being the mother of his children, etc.

when, quite rightly, a mgtow would say to that, yeah but she DOESNT reciprocate with that. she abandons you, leaves you in the lurch, shows you NO loyalty, and STEALS your money and children!!!!!!!!!!!

and then you rebut, well NAWALT, sorry but you married a real shitty woman then sorry abotu that, but really truly NAWALT!

and then you can debate how many NAWALT.

and many mgtows believe that even if NAWALT yet, our society is a slippery slope that enables and pushes all women to BECOME like That: disloyal mercenary parasite thieves. its enough to turn a good woman bad, and until that system changes, men have to AVOID WOMEN.

but ultimately i need women too much to willfully avoid them!

which puts me at risk for getting so desperate that I fall for the spell of one of those evil women! who shows some interest at first but then a few years later, loses the interest and robs me!

shit i would love to have a woman show interest in me for that long hahahaha.

so in other words, IF i actually made ok money, i would be a HUGE target for evil parasite women hahahaha.

now i am a target for nobody except totally batshit borderline women that dont even care that i dont have resources or power; and certainly dont care who they mkae babies with.

in short, i am neurotic and insecure as hell which is a big potential problem for my relships with women (i am much better with men!), and i have always been dumped because they lose interest and didnt REALLY like me; BUT i shouldnt let that fool me into blaming myself for being too needy or clingy, since i wasnt actually THAT needy or clingy, i was well within the NORMAL RANGE for a person who has feelings for another person, and do not deserve to be shamed as needy because of that. tell them well how did YOU act when you were in love with chad thundercock at age 15? you acted like a 15 year old gurl and imagined a life together and drew little hearts and wanted him to be your one and only forever and ever, long term. then you went down a slippery slope, and after 30 guys, you dont care whose cock you take or whose heart you break.

heheheh my female friend seemed to care about the cox she took, but ultimately did not care about breaking MY heart.

MAYBE im overestimating the sluttiness of the average women. and that HONESTLY. maybe even as much as 50% of 25 year old women (i pick 25 as being the median and average of The Twenties) that are 6/10 and above are not promiscuous sluts with over 30 partners who take cox and break hearts very casually! maybe half of them take sex and rels seriously, have had under 5 partners, date only within their race, are not into weird open relationships and nonmongamy.

in other words, 50% of The Dating Pool of 25 Year old Single White Women, are Decent.

bbbbbut that sounds a little high, how abotu 25%?

how about 37.5%?

so yeah the mgtows call the “alt right” people white knight pvssy worshippers and the alt right calls the mgtows omega loser butthurt neckbeard basement phaggots.

right now i am more on the side of alt right but i understand the mgtow frustration. and i think we shouldnt wife up bitches and whores even white ones…….but the alt right isnt saying we SHOULD anyway! they would say wife up and have lots of kids with a decent white woman! well i certainly agree with that. and they are certainly quick to shame shameful behavior and not “save a ho” with degenerate white bitches.

on the other hand, maybe degenerate white bitches would make ideal partners for omega white males like me hahahaha.

fookin neurotic. how is that even factored into your PERSONALITY. theres nothing GOOD about it. nobody wants a neurotic. neurotic is inherently antiwhite and omega and weak. yet its the largest most prevailing part of muh personality.

i mean yeah the neurotic stuff sucks and i have a lot but i have good stuff too. like i am moral and kind and loving and smart and shit. i am the composer. like beethoven. or wagner hahahaha. but not with music. fook music its degenerate.

so why cant i compose up a successful business or something hahahaha.

also i think a extraverted neurotic will do better than an introverted neurotic.

hehehe i am prob very much like millennial woes personality wise. he was a neet loser in despair and unemployable, but now he is truly turning his life around and becoming the man he was born to be.

but you know he has been in despair because he dresses shabbily and smokes too many cigarets and doesnt care about his health and appearance enough. even though he is a handsome man! more handsome than me! they joke he is a 5’2 manlet but i am more of a manlet than him plus fatter and bald hahahaha. i used to look better but then i Hit The Wall around 27 hahahaha. of course i drank a lot and MW doesnt drink ever.

anyway.

in this ramzpaul vidya there are a bunch of anti-sinead comments and she herself blatantly states she is not in the alt right, she doesnt like it, the alt right is a bunch of merchant phaggots who love muslim roosh and hate white women hahahaha.  im not alt right, i am just trying to expose the merchants.

when she doesnt seem to realize that much of the “alt right” wants to expose the merchants too, and do not hate white women, and dont care for mudslim roosh, we just think flat earth is fooking retarded and nutty and really does make us look bad. and yet i am fascinated with sinead because she is a counter-merchant conservative and a kinda qt gurl, well many say she is ugly but she is hawt enough for me.

or maybe jsut because she reminds me of That Woman.

but every woman in her 20s with pale white skin and long dark hair who is not fat or not ugly or not stumpy reminds me of HER!!!!!!!!!!

well sinead might be 30 hahahaha but i heard hearsay she was 26.

but yeah she is too combative and oppositional to people who would be good allies. like TRS and rzp. i saw she just followed MW but she probably would call him a degenerate faggot too because he is neetish and had a bi phase.

and then common filth thinks “alt right” is degenerate because he thinks jack donovan is a degenerate, which he probably is. the mistake is in thinking we are all degenerate like jack donovan!

been really likig the TRS forum, they seem like a bunch of good goys. common filth should spend some time with them, then hed see that alt right is not too degenerate……but hes too busy scouring the internet for the most degenerate shit imaginable hrmmmmmmmmmmm.

so the point is it shows leftists for the disgusting degenerate filth they are. and CF is presented in a funny way. it doesnt seem AS nihilist as say Power Electronics, or god forbid, animal torture fetish videos.

so i was a weak unmanly faggot. so it was bad timing to get feelings. but im not a BAD GUY and i dont think she needed to treat me that badly even if women do hate weak men. i hate slutty women too, but if i was friends with a slutty woman and she got feelings for me, i would still be NICE to her when i rejected her.

although i probably wouldnt become friends with a slutty woman to begin with! because imho it signals greater moral weakness than a weak man just being a weakling.

really the best equivalent to a female slut would be a male deadbeat father: who creates life and then abandons it.  its total r selected, quantity over quality, low respect for human life, degenerate, rat monkey animal behavior.

the sensitive sissyboy who is scared to blurt out “I LIKE U” is not quite at the same point of degeneracy and immorality as the people Flippantly, Casually, CREATING AND DESTROYING HUMAN LIFE.

a lot different that being scared to say the words to someones face that you were kinda signalling to them anyway.

yeah i was weak. so fooking sue me.

what is the appropriate punishment for weakness or cowardice?

HARSH SCATHING BRUTAL PUNISHMENT?

I guess that will toughen you up though.

but i am not gettng tougher tho hahahaha. i wish i coulda been tough AT THAT MOMENT. and just been like fook you bitch youre not gonna do this to me, lets have our final showdown right now and say everything we want to say to each other, and mutually hate each other, and ignore each other at work.

but would i have been able to ignore her at work? prob NOT. she would be able to ignore and hate me, but i would still partially luv her, like i do now! and i wouldnt be able to ignore her! i would be looking at her constantly and noticing every person she talked to!!!!!

well i keep talking about sluts being immoral and degen……but she wasnt a slut! but i WAS weak!

well my POINT is, yeah my being weak kinda sucks, but her treatng me like that REALLLYLLLLLYYYYYY sucks. -1 vs a -20 or so.

i am also mad at myself for flipping out over it, getting all overly emotional like a damn young woman.

being more womanly than man.

not that you should inherently hate womanliness, but its not a good thing for a MAN to be, especially a man who has a desire to be with women, well then his womanliness will just push them away!

but still we had a friendship and a history and its just ridiculous it all went down like this.

and how the hell am i going to rebuild my life and find a woman i can actually get along with. i actually got along with her. and she was young and Pure. damn.

1225 crimbo hahahaha

i was just thinking, a gurl being a FLAT EARTHER would NOT be a dealbreaker for me as much as her being a HIGH NUMBER SLUT hahahahaha. i would say thats great cupcake go and study your flat earth. just dont leave me or stop luving me and abandon me hahahahahaha. and dont burn the coal hahahaha.

well see i think its worse to be a slut than to burn the coal ONCE. now its rare to just burn the coal ONCE. usually there is 99% overlap with being a slut.

you can guess who i have to make the damn exception for, my special snowflake who burned the coal once and was not a slut.

but being a slut has a pattern of behavior built right into it.

anyway it makes sense that men should have to work hard to show themselves worthy of a woman. it DOESNT make sense when a women GIVES IT AWAY to a lot of guys easily.

but basically i cant see myself being enough of a Real Man to pull a Decent Woman, ie one i am attracted to and with a good character. therefore, if i want to Pull women who are moderately attractive, they are gonna have to have a pretty bad character to give me what i deserve for my unmanliness hehehehe.

heh. i mean i should be lucky i even got to become friends with a nonugly nonslutty 25 year old woman!!!!!!!!

well i was happy about that. i just cant beleive that me being a weak omega merited her being as harsh to me as she was. be a little damn nicer to the person you knew for 2 years. its not like i CHEATED on you or BEAT you. damn.

i AGREE being a weak omega is BAD. but i slipped and cracked and snapped ok????? i wasnt ALWAYS like that with her. for a while i was fairly normal.

only one country separates norway from north korea. of course if you say only one country separates china from ukraine it doesnt sound as impressive hahahaha.

anyway i could deal with the mother of my children believing in a flat earth so long as she was not a slut, she was loyal to me, i luved her, she loved me.

i think the issue is, sinead is more bitchy and confrontational about people calling her out on this obviously ridiculous than she should be. it would be a lot better if she merely said she was skeptical that the earth was round and she wasnt such a damn bitch about it hahahahaha.

also is this the best way to bring women into the movement? not sure. i think a better way is just to have smart alpha fashy goy men who are successful in life, hide their true power level, and then gradually convince their wives on Red Pill Stuff. rather than try to have a Female Thought Leader talking about flat earth and conspiracies hahahaha.

i mean if i were with a woman i luved, like that woman, and she got into flat earth, that would not drive me away. i would just say thats nice honey, and hope it didnt become a problem. like shes gonna dump me for a more manly man who also believes in flat earth hahahaha. that would suck. well, now i am used to the worst case scenario actually ahppening. so with my luck, that would indeed happen.

macao is not a separate country, it is part of china. but like an autonomous region i think. maybe it might become independent someday.

heh. i say let sinead in. because i am a thirsty white knight beta hahahaha. BUT she SAID she didnt want to be in the alt right. the alt right is too weak, faggy, degenerate, j00ified, and beta leftist for her. well if shes not alt right what is she? she would probably say white nationalist or counter-semite hahahaha.

well i argue that alt right can cover those things. i think this is a narcissism of small differences thing.

or maybe sinead and i have very different definitions of the alt right. i admit it is a confusing term hahahaha.

i dont know why i am so obsessed with her. probably because she sorta looks like the woman i was/am in luv with, and she is pro white, and into traditional values. shares some important interests with me. and you dont get very many attractive 25 year old women who are outspokenly pro-white. its interesting.

well SUPPOSEDLY most white women prefer to date and mate with white men, even if they dont outspokenly say it. well i hope so hahaha.

and sinead is really just kooky and crazy by being Aggressively Pro Flat Earth and Aggressively insulting her racial allies.  basically saying you arent racist ENOUGH to people who are plenty racist hehehehe. to people who have no problem with heiling hitler and using all the best racial slurs and wanting a white homeland and being j-wise. they arent racist enough because they dont believe in flat earth. thats what leaves me CONFUSED.

but i dunno i think sinead could be good for doing womens stuff, or for being a surrogate waifu for lonely single white men. like building up their confidence that yes there is a marraigeable white woman out there for you.

or yes you can be a racist and find a nice traditional woman who might be nuts hahahaha but at least she is white and willing to have kids…..but might be a Coal Burner and is certifiably nuts.

really the Coal Burning is prob more important than the flat earth. i am willing to give her the benefit of the doubt that just because she has pictures of her with blacks, doesnt mean she FOOKED the blacks hahaha. hahahaha i mean EVERYBODY has PICTURES of themselves with diff races.

also i am a special case. 1 gurl i liked in like 2007-8 was a coalburning slut who i removed from muh history. just deleted. and then this gurl, that woman, i was in honest LUV with her, and she coalburned ONCE.

what IF she was so nonslutty she didnt even have SECS with him? i just assume she did because i’m used to sluts who have secs with EVERY man they hang out with, cuz its no big deal. but maybe they just made out and she was like no i want to date for a while before we have secs. kinda like my ideal woman hahahaha. kinda like i was always uncomfrotable having secs with gurls i just met becuase im not comfortable having secs with STRANGERS.

who the fook WOULD be.

but yeah. i mean. i dont really want a hooker because their lives are so sad. i would rather bang a degenerate slut because they are somewhat more normal.

anyway when we were younger we disrespected women because they were DUMB and blue pilled as fook. as i matured i realized, hey dont hold that against women. who cares if theyre dumb or blue pill, if they are NICE and PURE and VIRTUOUS. you dont go to women for intellectual conversation or for being COOL, you go to them for moral support and luv and kindness and tenderness.

like That Person was not super smart. she was smart ENOUGH, she was prob smarter than average womennnnnn maybe. i was definitely way smarter than her. and i kinda liked that and i think she kinda liked that and i liked it when she told me i was smart hahahahaha.

well shouldnt men provide emotional support for women and not the other way around? men are the protector and the rock and the stability for the emotionally unstable women? so if the man needs a WOMAN for moral support, thats like going to a merchant banker for free money hahahahaha.

well ok maybe women could talk about stuff like What Women Should Be, and Make It Cool to be Traditional and NOnslutty and Feminine. …… because women are more likely to listen to other women than men? even if we are counting on men to influence their wives politically and mentally?

well i think it wouldnt HURT to have women speaking to women. if a woman doesnt have a traditional bf or father, then a traditional woman could school them on how its cool to Be Pure and how Secs is Sacred. because women sure arent getting that from THEIR single momz. single momz are not just bad for boys, they are bad for girls too.

Cuz then you get gurls with Daddy Issues. because their single mom was a crazy whore, so the poor girl thinks that is normal.

so the Tradcon or Alt Right or Pro White Womens Groups could be very helpful to girls like this.

and also give hope to boys that Not All Women are evil succubi sluts. better to have a real woman as a waifu than some anime bullshit.

and the women could talk abotu relationships and luv and monogamy and feelings and basically all the shit i talk about!

how to relship, how to treat each other nicely, how to dump a person, how to communicate.

how to not give it up to guys you dont really know. how to keep your lifetime number under 5. how to appreciate secs for procreation FIRST, recreation a DISTANT second. why abortion is bad. why open relationships and polyamory are bullshit. what love is. how to Empathize with Beta and Omega guys who come off as Creepy or Thirsty.  How To Be Loyal and Loving to your man. How to look to the long term and not dump a decent guy immediately, how not to lose interest so quickly, how to not be mastered by vag tingles and hamster rationalizations hahahaha.

basically teach traditional, natural gender roles and make it look fun and cool. it really shouldnt be that hard. it should come naturally. but people are so easily led astray its very disappointing. maybe they can just as easily be led back to the good path. give them a good culture with traditional mother and father.

anyway the fascists say that if youve been watching pron for years its gonna take a few months cold turkey before your brain goes back to “normal”, a state you may not even remember. it feels like its been a few months for me. and i understood pron has been degenerate, for years, and tried to minimize its use during the last few years. also i think i was using it to try to get my mind of THAT PERSON.

anyway i am OBSESSED with women but i dont really hate women like some obvious women haters. its really more like a LOVE HATE relationship hahahahahahahaha.

alls im saying. really hurts and is disorienting to lose somebody like this. i still dont really understand it any better. i just seem to accept it and the pain isnt so goddamn FRESH. but it still lingers and its truly horrible what happened. it hurts to lose a friend like that. and to be so goddamn misunderstood when youre just begging them to LISTEN, i didnt do anything WRONG, PLEASE.

like when your gf is mad at you and gives you that exasperated look and youre like oh god i dont even know what i DID. and then thats the end and she dumps you hahahahahaha. she has permanently lost interest and luv for you. she is DONE with you. its over.

i dunno. i never lost interest for someone that fast. or easily. im still interested in her ffs.

dunno. she really DID used to like me as a person. and its shocking she could get so over that, that she could throw me away like she never knew me. sheeeeeit. well thank god for being white hahahahaha.

point is, and im mansplaining feeeeelings to women agian, when someone you LOVE throws you away harshly, its VERY painful, it leaves you DEVASTATED, and it takes a VERY LONG TIME to heal from it.

SHE GOT WHAT SHE WANTED

102

did a 4.2 miler, was kinda windy and cold hahaha.

thought maybe i could contact the womans mother and beg the MOTHER to talk to her daughter hahahahahah like yeah she might have said i was being weird and bugging her a lot, i really wasnt, and i just wanted to talk about something that was bothering me. you know i am not a bad guy and i would treat your daughter right for the long term. and then she would probably say she doesnt want to talk to you, shes done with you, dont contact any of us ever again.

so, should I contact the mother? maybe if i knew the mother better! i only met her 2 times hahaha. but in the good old days my female friend would tell her mother how cool i was.

heh fook if she had invited me to do crimmus or thanksgiving things that would have been nice!

so apparently when you go to a marriage counselor and they teach you communication skills, that just makes you “fight more”.

we never really fought at all, because that would involve talking hahaha.

this is why i like writing emails or letters, or recording voice files. this should be textbook stuff.

http://www.wikihow.com/Category:Heartbreak-and-Breaking-Up

http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/topics

http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Being-Needy

http://www.wikihow.com/Fix-a-Broken-Heart

http://www.wikihow.com/Tell-if-You-Are-Codependent

http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Less-Clingy

103

it has been 81 days since i was devastatingly dumped, and i feel ____________  hehehehe. i feel angry and devastated and angry and hopeless and numb. hahahaha. actually right this second i feel ok, have been reading some right wing news sources (therightstuff.biz and breitbart.com)

so what did i do wrong?

well i pushed her to hang out by asking her every 2 or 3 weeks if she might want to hang out this weekend.

she said she needed space. i tried to give her some space but i had no idea how much space she needed. after like a month or so i was asking her to hang out again.

i made the mistake of not being more masculine or direct, should have said welp how much space do you need? and more importantly should have directly said:

the reason i want to hang out is because i want to talk, and what i want to talk about are muh feelings towards you. i have feelings towards you, do you have feelings towards me? lets deal with this.

the end.

my cowardice in broaching this topic probably caused her to lose all respect for me and to dump me in such a cold harsh way, so if i Broached Earlier, i probably could have got a better dumping.

but if she really wanted me, then she would have hung out with me and given me some positive signals hahahaha.

and even though i was cowardly, i still dont think i deserved to lose THAT much respect and to be treated THAT poorly. have a damn heart. how could u be so heartless hahahaha.

http://www.fanficmaker.com/

honestly yeah i was a little beta and emo and faggy and i know women HATE this but my GOD. try to remember the fact that im not just some random beta. we knew each other for a long time. so you were annoyed at me because…..i wanted to hang out? maybe because i was cowardly and did not come right out and say i had feelings. oooh i didnt think of THAT yet in my 81 days of obsession! maybe she was mad BECAUSE she knew i wanted to tell her something, but i was too cowardly to come out and SAY it!  and thats why she was SO mad!

well i argue she didnt have to get THAT mad. once again, the value of the long term friendship TRUMPS that.

but not when it comes to WOMEN having SCORN for the BETA hahahaha. their Contempt is Literally Limitless. Women are designed by Evolution to have Heart-Freezing Contempt for the Beta. doesnt matter if that beta was once a close long term friend. because that doesnt matter. the beta changed the game the second he wanted to view the woman as a potential suitor. then the woman SCOFFS in CONTEMPT. PSHAW!

did 4.2 milers

i was OPEN to her, she was CLOSED to me.

i was trying to show Warmth and friendliness and openness to her; she was showing only closedness and coldness and bitchiness to me.

oh yeah, youll like this one:

i did not CONSENT to being dumped.

CONSENT is the most important thing. both people must CONSENT enthusiastically to sex.

but when it comes to getting dumped, its ok if one person does not consent, because really what it is, is the Dumper is not consenting to being in the Rel any more. “I dont consent to be in this rel” overrules “i dont consent to being dumped!”

at any rate you are being hurt without your consent, so it is a kind of violation hahaha. a little raep hahaha.

how come i dont get to consent to the dumping????

becuase it takes two to consent to start it, and only one to consent to end it.

hehehhehehe. this is like if a  guy is trying to Coerce a gurl into Secs and she does not give consent, well he doesnt give his consent to her not giving her consent, hahahahaha.

in other words, you cant make a person love you; you cant make a person stay in a rel.

so yeah your consent in this matter is not important at all, compared to their consent to stay in the rel. it really is a zero sum game, there is no win win. actually the pain for you is probably worse than the benefits for her when she leaves. she is pretty happy that she is done with you, but shes forgotten about you in a few days. ancient history.

you are in great pain for 8100 days, devastated. pretty big pain differential hahahaha.

so yeah my consent “argument” is bullshit i admit that hahahaha

but the decent thing to do is to realize you leaving the rel is gonna be painful to the other person, so you show that youre not a piece of shit, but trying to let them down easy, make some effort to do that. so i didnt deserve respect because i didnt man up and blurt it out earlier fine i get that. but i didnt deserve THIS much disrespect. i deserved no more than 5, and i got 10.

i also liked the im gonna set aside 30 minutes a day to think about this. NO MORE. and then if you start thinkign about it outside of that block, you say NOPE! STOP! i have already budgeted this 30 minutes to think abotu it, think about it then.

it would be much easier to be rejected by a degen slut than a “Good woman”. however if its any consolation she may be on her way from Good Woman to Degen Slut! sliding down the semitic slide of degeneracy hahahaha

also i am shocked becuase i didnt think she HATED me that much. i knew she was mad.frustrated/annoyed at me, but not to THAT extent! i still dont believe it!

this is why you communicate! thatis the big lesson i learned here, the power of communication.

also that communication would have not necess “fixed” anything, ie, if she had had feelings for me, OR if she had WANTED to commuincate, she would ahve communicated.

i clearly wanted to communicate. she clearly did not want to communicate.

if she had really wanted to smooth things over with me, she would have. if she had been in Luv with me, she would have hung out with and talked to me. she really had no desire to do anything. so she really was clearly communicating that. fook. just treat me better. treat me like we actually had the friendship that we did. because i wasnt so bad as to deserve this. this treatment should only be given to horrible people who have wronged you.

i would expect this out of a 16 year old old. not someone who is WELL over 21 or 22 years old.

she acts like a bad guy, and she thinks IM the bad guy and that she is perfectly justified in doing this!

shes the bad guy but she thinks shes the good guy, even though the evidence clearly shows that she is the bad guy and i am…a bit awkward but not nearly as bad and shitty and horrible as her!

why did u do this? seriously!

because it was easiest. it was the easy way out. its easier to avoid problems and conflict than to face them.

PERIOD.

maybe she didnt HATE me, but she SURE doesnt want to get with me.

if she wanted to get with me, she would.

if she wanted to Face The Situation, she would have.

she wanted to not face the situation, AND she wanted not get with me.

she got what she wanted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway if she wanted me back……she would get me back.

me contacting her now and persuading her to give me an apology would be RIDICULOUS. although i DESERVE one. but it would be ridiculous to expect given her treatment of me.

i could NEVER convince her to Get With Me.

of course i will NEVER understand how something so good could end so bad.

well sure i do: becuase i was a weak, cowardly, pushy, spineless, annoying BETA, a lesser beta at that, and this makes the pvssy SNAP SHUT. decent, low mileage women, good marriageable women, will treat you with UTTER CONTEMPT and CRUELTY once you reveal to them that you are a Lesser Beta.

the nicest gurls, the most decent low-cok women, will treat you WORSE than a CHEATER and NEVER feel bad about it, if you act like a beta to them. it doesnt’ matter if youve known them for 2 or 3 or 10 years.

and they will still want the cheater. better for you to be a cheater than a beta. then you might have a chance of getting the gurl back hahahaha oy vey its like another shoah.

because you see, for All Women, being beta is worthy of NO respect. less respect, luv, or attraction than a guy who cheated on you. of COURSE they cant treat you like a human being! youre not one!

so the female equivalent of a lesser beta male is a SLUT. someone who has low ass mate value for their gender. but i still treat sluts like HUMAN BEINGS even though i have contempt and disrespect for them! i still treat them with a minimum of respect! that women, even a decent moral kind woman, will never treat a beta male!

well she always knew i was a beta right? the idea that she never saw me date gurls had to be a big clue. and then when i directed that interest to her, it was the worst thing in the world for her. better a scumbag cheater than a beta, at least the scumbag cheater makes you TINGLE.

shit.

i would never treat a slut like this! unless they cheated on me!

plus they would just find a man and get over their broken heart real quick.

even sluts dont waste too much time on BETAS. betas are ever WORSE than sluts!!!!

wawawawawawawawawaw

104

it has been 82 days since the disgraceful disrespectful dumping and i feel fineeeeeeeeeeee ahahahahaha no. feel about the same as yesterday hahaha. which is angry, sad, despairing, some shock, how could she do this, i dont believe this, this cant be, its all my fault, if i werent such a cuck beta loser she would have luved me, i made her do this with my loserness and weakness, she was the only woman who was not a promiscuous slut and also not bad looking, i will always compare future women to her, this is the best i will ever do, its all downhill from here, im getting too old, i will never get close to a woman of this quality again, its all low quality from here on out, time to lower the standards.

hahahaha.

QUOTE:

Argent Templar 2 hours ago

Thank you for doing this MW this is one of the few issues I have felt strong on the entirety of my life, that cheating on your significant other is one of the worst things you can do emotionally and morally. I think there is a tendency in trying to be alpha male and in reaction to feminism to try and signal too hard and say that a man can fuck anyone he wants and that any sort of emotional and spiritual commitment to one women is a sign of a cuckoldry. I think one can be a romantic and monogamous without being a white knight or a beta male. I mean if anything the traditional image of the alpha strong male was a man who would kick the ass of his enemies and go home to his wife and kids. Anyways I think what we need to try and be doing is to make marriage and having children look masculine again and yes to a certain extent sexy. The whole MGTOW naval gazing I am going to take my ball and go home is bad for civilization and ultimately the answer is to restore traditional gender roles, not to go our own way or becoming cucked white knights.

/QUOTE

from

anyhow. yeah. should go out for a nice powerwalk here.

also i was thinking about using this to write more Angry Letters Addressed Directly To Her, that i would not send.

so if you ever see me referring to “YOU” in kind of an angry or weird way, thats what i am doing.

Don’t say, “I cant believe you would hurt me, you would abandon me,” say

“I feel abandoned when we never hang out and never talk. I feel like i am ignored and unwanted and neglected and abandoned” hahahahaha this way you take ownership of your feelings with I Statements, and dont Blame Them with You statements.

I feel unloved, uncared for, ignored, betrayed (hahahahah), rejected, like crap, like a piece of garbage, thrown away.

I feel thrown away like a piece of garbage when you never hang out with me, never talk me.

I feel uncared for when you seem to have stopped caring for me like you used to. we never hang out anymore, we never spend time together, we never do anythign fun, I feel Rejected and Shot Down and Worthless.

of course it is beta as hell to talk like this, and you deserve it for your wife to leave you or cuck you!

the stefan molyneux vidya above where he talks to both a guy and a gurl on a conference call, she wants an open rel, he doesn’t, but he is so beta he migth allow it just to keep her, if it means sharing her with another man, oops sorry, plural, several other MEN, so sorry my darling, my ray of sunshine. anything my sweetie wants. any and all the dicks.

THIRSTY. the way “Young Adult” women TALK is so stupid. i mean 20-29 hahahaha. they are technically adults, out of Undergrad, either starting IMportant Careers, living in Big Cities, Experimenting, finding themselves, being Promiscuous and nihilistic in their “Freedom”, reading cosmo and thought catalog and buzzfeed and daily show and jezebel and gawker and shit, and using words like THIRSTY to describe Horny, Desperate Men, desperate for sex. Basically the Hip word for “desperate” used by Hip Young Women who hate desperate men.

heh. turn their shitty words back on them. these degen whores are THIRSTY for alpha cok, guzzling alpha cvm. Can I Live Without Alpha Cok until after the wedding? idk lol

letter: i am angry because I wish you had treated me better. You cant just throw people away like that. if you do that to the wrong guy, he will react very poorly.  but mainly i wish you could try to treat me as you would like to be treated. be nicer to me. i know you dont return my feelings, but dont get so contemptuous of me for HAVING the feelings. i am still the same guy you have known for 2.5 years. i just got feelings. i told you the story of how and when and why i got them. yeah it was bad timing, yeah it was related to what was going on with your other relationships, it is what it is. im the same guy but things changed in an important way. of course that would affect our friendship directly. i was trying to talk to you about it. but we could never meet up. i didnt really want to talk about it over text or email or phone or at work cuz it was a pretty important thing to me. i didnt mean to be pushy to you but i wish you had given me some kind of timeframe, like yep we can talk in january, rather it seemed like a “someday never comes” situation. yeah i screwed up by not reading the signals that we WERENT gonna hang out at all…..but i also kinda thought we were. i believed you when you said we would hang otu someday.

but by february things were getting so ridiculous for me, and possibly for you to, that i should have just told you right then and there. but i was still scareed and still thought we were gonna hang out soon.

and then when you stopped talking to me altogether, i was heartbroken and destroyed and felt like i couldnt go on. it was just too much for me to handle. i blamed myself for everything and was dead to the world for months. i wish you had just told me that you didnt want to be friends anymore. that would have hurt a lot less. the way it happened now, i feel like you just wanted to throw our entire friendship away, and throw me away like garbage. nobody likes that. would you like that?

you dont have to like me, but at least treat me with a little respect when you decide to end this relationship. its fine that we cant be friends anymore but dont hate me for getting feelings for you. how would you feel if those guys HATED you for getting feelings for them, then they threw you away and refused to talk to you or give you any respect or any explanation?

even though I liked you, i had real respect for you too, and it hurt to give you that respect, but to get none back from you. you used to respect me, and now you dont respect me at all, and i dont think i did anything to deserve losing that respect so much.

and i am a hurting a lot, from at one time having a good friendship with you, to now having nothing. it felt like you turned off all caring and concern to me. i missed that greatly. my heart was broken.

i had not been this close to a woman in years, not even with the women i last dated. this was a big deal to me. i am devastated and heartbroken. this was the most serious relationship i’ve had with a woman in a very long time. i have dated women where we werent this close, and didn’t last as long, and you meant more to me than them.

i forgive you for hurting me because i know you didnt mean to hurt me this much, and some of it is due to my own feelings, and also i know you were overwhelmed and emotionally compromised. but i wish we could have communicated even just a LITTLE, so this wouldnt have been so damn painful for me. and so i wouldnt have such mixed feelings towards you. it didnt have to hurt this much.

ok that sort of stuff is letter oriented.