july 1

shit. i hate that you just cant be an ok people person. you gotta be a MASTER people person just to get a 10 DAH job or get some fat slut. if you have the SLIGHTEST anxiety or autism or awkwardness…..1% is as bad as 100%. 2 is as bad as 10 hahaha. all or nothing. no in between.

you have to be all or nothing because the WORLD is all or nothing. jobs, women, life, hahaha.

sometimes  while browsing the indeed list you find a job thats SO GOOD you HAVE to apply for it RIGHT NAO. So go ahead and do that. thats a good thing. like i found one today: day shift, full time, mailroom clerk for large IP law firm. Dayum.

using A Spreadsheet and a Stopwatch to calculate the Exact Average of how long it takes me to do a Job Application.

with 3 down so far, the average is 15 minutes. has varied from 6 to 27 minutes.

this is actually making it slightly more interesting. maybe this is a holdover from my stupid job, where all our calls were timed and we could see a dashboard of how many calls we had each day, average time of calls, total time IN, etc.

i kinda liked improving my numbers. also it gave me some Hard Numbers. of course it also allows the company to Measure More and to crack the whip harder. 20 minutes average call time? get it down to 19 and we save 1 million dollars a year and can give execs moar bonuses and cut more people from YOUR department!

but in general i think the stopwatch is a great idea for THIS, muh job SEARCH, and getting a handle on exactly HOW long it takes to do EACH application, and what a reasonable number of apps per day is. i have been shooting for 8 but that’s cetainly low. but HOW low?

ok well my average is now at 17 minutes. thats with short ones and annoyingly long ones. only have 6 so far. i figure 100 might be a better sample size.

not that i havent already done over 210!!! 232 as a matter of fact. hehe.

today had a first, applied to USAJOBS, something for the army. FEDGOV hehehehehe.

17$ DAH job working with like army kids? child care technician? well in the FEDGOV they make 17 bucks an hour with bennies. GS 04 or some shit.

SO i figured that 5% of applications will get an interview. 1 out of 20. i mean that is ABOUT what its actually been. about 10 interviews for 200 applications.

well REALLY its 9 interviews for 230 applications hahahahahahahaha. but NO, cuz when I HAD the 9th interview last week, I had only about 200 apps in.

ok, so 9/200.

SO, assuming about 5% chance of an interview, it is THEN safe to assume that 5% of INTERVIEWS will result in a JOB. THEREFORE, you have to put in about 400 applications, therefore get 20 interviews, in order for you to get 1 job.

so shoot for 400 applications.

about ABOUT 20 minutes per application, that is 133 hours.

and that is 3.25 weeks of Full Time Work hehehehehe.

and right now I am showing 17 minutes per application, not 20.

why the hell didnt i start measuring this in a spreadsheet EARLIER?

because when you Train Yourself, it takes you MONTHS to stumble on things that a Trainer would show you right away. Best Practices. Best Practices do not always come quickly.

and this is a pretty obvious no brainer. use a spreadsheet as a tracking system to measure Metrics. its not exactly out of left field.


this guy does not seem super smart but he is a manly white man who carries a Glock hehehe and doesnt want his qt white gf associating with trash. cuz her friends are trash and her family is trash and she gets the attention of blacks hehehe but she miraculously is not a huge slut. so says the boifran hahaha.

i know that feel, that woman was CLOSE to trash but she was not herself really trashy. she didnt want to be trash so she dumped her trashy friends. i hate to think she thought of ME as TRASH.

well at least TRASH can WORK!!!!!

july 2

horry sheet, interview with the company i have submitted like 14 applications to this year and i NEVER thought they would interview me for anything more than a 9 dah pt job….has invited me to an interview for like a 32k to 46k FT job hahahaha.  so, doing that on thursday. afternoon of courshe hahahaha.

BIG reach here, but……it was kind of a reach just to get the interview!

They are interviewing at least 5 people.

I would prefer something a little less……involved, because I might be better qualified for something Lower, have a better chance of getting it.

I do know the application here had like 5 short answer questions that probably scared all the CASUALS and PUNTERS away hahahaha.

and made the Application Time like 30 minutes instead of 15 hehehe.

what was the manager doing sending emails at 10 30 pm on the friday of Fourth of July Weekend? why wasnt he out of town with his family?

this place has a Unionized Workforce and I thought they were serious about muh 40 hours and not a second more hehehehe.

well there are ways around that, you simply PUNCH OUT THEN KEEP WORKING hehehehehe.

how common is this? for people who want to make themselves look like they do more in 40 hours than they do? really for OT Exempt people its not an issue. then you just work 80 hours for the price of 40 as a general rule hahaha.

i am somewhat interested in the Goth Subculture, but its also kidna degenerate and the women are SLUTS. VERY high number. but they might be willing to help weak sissy beta guys gain experience and confidence in banging bitches, which is always good.

yes, bang those disgusting degenerate high number whores, just for EXPERIENCE and CONFIDENCE. THEN you will have a better chance at getting the women you DO want. there’s a reason they call them PRACTICE gurls. And you can’t get a Decent Woman without PRACTICE. Like like you can’t Win the Championship Game without PRACTICE.

just Wrap It Up and try not to lie too much. like don’t tell the gurl you’re in luv with her, OR that you will marry her, OR that you want a Real Relationship with her. It’s Only About The Casual Secs baby, whatsamatter, dont you think secs is FUN, ya prude?

but yeah i dont think there are any gothic gurls under 30.

also goths like phaggots and nihilism and drugs and are not masculine and all.

i would approach Goth in a way that championed Traditional Victorian Values, and wears a lot of black, and likes melancholy shit, but thats really about all. While also still being Masculine and promoting Morality and Family and Traditional Gender Roles.

at the same time i like gurls who are not super duper girly. That Woman was feminine but she was not super duper girly. in that she was chilled out and laid back and not into Drama. But she kinda was. at the end she couldn’t get out of the drama.

i dont mind minor drama, but major drama needs to be dealt with. women are so attracted to drama that they dont even want to deal with major drama, they just run away from it if its too much. leaving people in the LURCH.

they need a MAN to pull them out of the drama. And I was not man enough. shit i was CAUSING the drama. i didnt know how to FINISH it. well, i DID know that we PROBABLY needed to confront it and talk about it, and she didnt want to do that.

all the more reason I need to MAN UP and say THIS ENDS NOW and MADE her talk to me hehehehe.

so yeah. BIG interview thursday, one of the biggest. the manager has been working there for 12 years and is a (former?) CPA but this job is more in “systems.” he does not have a masters degree but does/did have a CPA and that is about as hardcore as a masters degree hehehehe. fookin tryhard.

applied for job as AP clerk for company, took 23 minutes, brought average up to 16 minutes hahahaha.

i only have 8 jobs in that spreadsheet, i suppose if i had all 230 jobs, it would be a more valid/accurate number.

lets just say the shorter the better. i would like it to be closer to 15 than to 30.

in 1980 it didn’t take you 16 minutes to do a job application (well maybe it did.)

but for DAMN SURE in 1980 you didnt have to do 400 job applications before you found a job!

but its good i have an interview for next week, i didn’t have one this past week. want to have 1 or ideally TWO eery week.

had a dream with THAT WOMAN last night, as i recall it was pretty long but i still dont remember much other than i was spending the night with her, but she was mad at me and we were arguing and i was sleeping on the couch or something. i was scared she was gonna LEAVE ME, that she wasnt willing to work this out. , that she had just Had Enough, it wasnt worth saving to her.

and of course that was what happened! but this dream at least pretended that we were actually Going Out.

I was also starting to care about her family. Cared about her single mother who had a possibly rough life but she was at least a good mother and probably a good person. cared about her brother and sister who seemed really nice and were not promiscuous degenerate drug addicts, they did not even smoke MJ. they just lived clean decent nice lives. Cared about her extended family who she told me about.

and now all of THOSE people were ripped out of my life too, her telling me you’re not allowed to care about them any more, you’re done with ALL of us.

so that was an extra element which made things even more painful. I felt closer to her because I felt I kinda knew her family. again, not something i normally do with women.

she had an older family member who was not in good shape and that was causing her a lot of stress and worry at the same time as our thing fell apart. i felt guilty for Bothering her during such a difficult time. But I cared about the family member too! I shared her pain somewhat! and if she thinks it was all a Ploy to Get Dat Ass, she couldnt be MORE wrong!!!!!!!!

but i totally lost my frame and became weak and supplicating and BEGGING. I should have taken the FRAME of the MAN who COMMANDS respect….not a pvssy weakling who BEGS for respect! you put the foot down and say THIS IS HOW ITS GONNA BE.

hmmm this qt young gurl (7-8 years younger than me, very cute and nice, low number, she got married tho, like at age 22, well good for her hahaha.) sent ME a linkedin connect today and i accepted it. I had seen HER many times but did not ask to connect with her because she might think its creepy i was stalking her. well she is way more successful than me anyway. good career in health admin and is being promoted, moving up, didnt even get a damn masters degree, works with a bunch of other qt young women.  its hard to imagine they will become hambeasts when they are 40 like so many other women.

but they might not also become loving wives and mothers and just continue riding the coch carousel, so yeah, part of that is not becoming a hambeast. gotta look good to pull the alphamost coch. fat hambeasts can only pull thugingras hahahha. i hope SHE becomes a fat hambeast. her mother didnt unfort. her mother still looks bangable. i should bang her mother in horribly degrading ways hahahahahahahaha

heh i set up a 50 cent monthly dnation to bernard chapin. lets see if HE complains about the dnation being too small hahaha. i really dont think he will. he is not that kind of guy tho. I wish he had found a good wife and become a father though. its SAD that at 46 he has Accepted he will always be a MGTOW. he is coming out with his new book “man going his own way.” I mock MGTOW’s now, but not too long ago, I considered myself a mgtow, and uncle bern is the best example of the best of mgtow. he is a very good honorable man and THATS why he needs to stop being a mgtow and become a father! hes not race aware enough, let alone 1488. well, i will stop my dnation if he ever has a keeid with a nonwhite or advocates race mixing hahaha, which i dont think he will.



aug 20

so my lesson learned was, if you get a chance to make out with your female friend, but you really dont want to becuase you dont have feelings (yet) and you think it would be weird and awkward, but she’s really not ugly or old or disgusting or physically gross or fupa and its kinda weird you’re NOT attracted to her and people might already think youre dating, well then just go ahead and make out with her, because you  are probably on the cusp of getting feelings ANYWAY.

also, ANY experience a man can get with a woman will help him. help you confidence, give you confidence that can never be taken away, help you level up.

i said that casual sex for women is unforgivably and horribly degenerate, and for men, it was still degenerate, still not a good thing, BUT its not mortally bad like it is for women.

in FACT, it CAN be a good thing if you as a man have really low confidence, and all the readers and writer of this blog have extremely low confidence, i would just say fooking go for it. especially if the woman is not blatantly gross.

if she is gross…. uh not sure.

the closest thing i have is when i was fooking 14 or 15, over half my life ago, my friend and I went to his grandfathers house about 50 miles away with a nice lake, nice place to go during the summer to swim and have fires and such. we met two girls that were like 16, 17, or 18 and hung out with them. the one i preferred, preferred my friend over me, and the girl i preferred less, preferred me, so i ended up making out with that girl, and being butthurt that i HAD to make out with that girl and not the one i really wanted. she wanted to be like pen pals or some shit and maybe talk on the newfangled email thing people were starting to use on our dial up internet. i didnt really feel like it because i was always thinking, this whole thing is stupid, i always wanted the other girl more! and now i’m stuck with the other lamer one!

well in hindsight she wasnt THAT lame, and she was a fooking 17 year old gurl, so i was in the wrong there. plus its not like she was disgusting! kinda hard to be disgusting when you are a 17 year old gurl unless you are morbidly obese, and she was not.  so i should have just tried to bang her.

would that have increased my confidence? or would i have been angry about that? cuz i was angry about making out with her can you believe it. i was like this sucks, im not gonna make out with somebody unless i really LIKE them. and then i did not make out with a gurl again for about 7 more years. also banged her hahahaha.  now i did like that gurl so it was much better, but in hindsight now, i dont regret making out with that gurl when i was 14. and in fact now i wish i had banged her. but i was kinda young too! i hadnt even started j3rking off 10 times a day in the height of puberty. if i were 16 then it probably would have been a different story! but by 16 somehow i was already a beta male and never hung out with gurls and had lost touch with that friend who was really responsible for getting me my first make out! he was a decent guy too.

lets see. did a jogwalk of a total of 5.4 miles today. 2.5 miles, then 2.9 miles. you do have to break it up so you can get water.

anyway. later on i then stalked my female friends facebook page, when i was trying to find out about her “secret boifrand”, and saw them exchanging lovey dovey messages prior to that day that i “should have” made out with her in the park.

so i used that to comfort me, that i shouldnt regret this too much, because she was already going out with him, liked him, didn’t really like me, and who am i to make a gurl cheat.

and now im like, well THAT rel she had with that guy was shitty, and he cheated on her, and it would have been better if she cheated on him, with me! who cares! plus it is possible to like more than one person. i often forget this! but you can be confused among a number of people.

it happened to me in 2005 for really the first and only time. i was emotionally torn between THREE women and would have dated any one of them. i suppose i had feelings for ALL of them!

unforutantely not a one of them worked out! that sucked.

but what i am facing right now is EVEN WORSE. because this gurl was better than any of those gurls. and we actually had a deeper “connection.”  that lasted longer. built up over time. that meant something to me. even if it didnt to her.

so it would build a mans confidence to bang a dirty whore? yeah, if she werent terribly ugly. thats why they call them “PRACTICE GIRLS.” so you can build your confidence and your masculinity when theres a woman you actually WANT.  or god forbid luv.

i mean just try it at least. she might be bouncing around on you and you cant even get hard. well at least you tried.  actually that could potentially hurt the confidence hahahaha. cant even get hard when trying to bang some filthy gutter whore.

but it was weird. as soon as my mind was officially made up that yes i want to date her, i could not hang out with her AT. ALL. prior to that we did hang out. while i was still in my “transitional” phase, or my “figuring shit out” whatever you want to call it. THEN we would hang out, during july, august, september. then my feels were official in october (i can pinpoint october because of course i wrote about it and could clearly see the difference between what i was writing in september (“its weird i dont have feels for her, but i dunno i just, im not super on board, it would be weird”) vs the very next month, writings from october (“my feelings have officially changed over the past month, i would like to date her.”) ) and boom starting in october she refused to hang out.  all i wanted was one hangout to TALK, like we had had in september, august, july, come on.

i mean she HURT me with how she was pushing me away. which culminated in the biggest hurt ever recently. shit she hurt me a lot more than i hurt her! at worst i just annoyed and or frightened her. i didnt break her damn heart and just rip her out of my life like a cancerous tumor, like she did to me.

which is so unlike a decent woman like her! I would have expected that out of a typical american degenerate whore, but not her!

oh well just proves all women are like that, degenerate whores, evil pieces of shit ahahahahahaha.

so yeah lesson learned is if you get ANY chance with ANY woman, provided she isn’t so disgusting ugly, i mean if shes young and not fat, just fooking go for it, even if you dont really WANT to at the time. also try to have secs with her so you are not so hung up about secs, and can view it for what it really is: just dumping a load of sperm into whatever cvnt is willing. hahahaha.

but yeah, now I am the weird one for thinking that sex should be a Special Thing that is Shared between True Lovers Only, and not everybody fooking each other like god damn animals.

im not sure what i thought was “weird”. it was something stupid like the shape of her head. that and thought it would be weird to have secs with a gurl who is Just A Friend.

i guess that is a legitimate reason for me to feel weird about it. i felt it would mess up our friendship, which at that time i did legit view us as just friends, and i even said, “please god i hope she doesnt like me, because i dont like her back, and i dont want to have to FRIENDZONE her”

and then a few months later i was exact opposite. in love with her and begging please god make her like me just a little bit so we can hang out and make out and spend time together and date for a year.

WELL, let the record show. back in the day when i was worried about her liking me, i was still very willing to hang out with her, talk to her, maybe i “built a wall” or “kept her at a distance” but i would still HANG OUT WITH and TALK to her. which was 90000000000000000000000000000000 times more than SHE did for ME when I had feelings for HER, but she didnt.

yeah i should have done more, but this is 60 40 her fault hahahah. maybe even 70 30.

i should have said during that time, “WHAT ARE YOUR FEELINGS FOR ME. I FEEL LIKE YOU MIGHT LIKE ME.”

i should have been direct like that. but i wasn’t. however at that point the onus was on her.

because when i got feelings for HER, i was more than willing to take that onus by the horns, and the moment i got her in private for A Talk, i would have said

“Listen, theres something important i need to talk to you about. now this is gonna be pretty awkward and im sorry, but i have to put the honest truth out there and talk about the elephant in the room. now this hasn’t been going on too long so i am glad we can talk about it before it gets TOO weird. but in october i got feelings for you and now i dont know what to do, but i know i do want to talk to you about them. i know you are in luv with another guy so. do you think you could ever have feelings for me when you are done getting over him? cuz you used to be really friendly to me in the past and i felt like you might like me, and i regret not making out wiht you in july, but i just was not sure then. i am sure now. what can we do here. lets talk about it. when you are ready to date again i think we should try it because we already know and trust each other. till then we can keep it cool though. but what does your intuition tell you. could you ever like a guy like me?”

something like that. i told her a lot of this in my emails but by that time it was too late.

i have ALWAYS had problems with women. i have ALWAYS had problems with jobs. and school. this is ample evidence that that problem is not with The Degenerate Stupid World, but with ME, and how i just cant handle the world. and i feel like that every day. that i just cant cope with life, cant handle life, cant do the basic things other adults do, cant get or keep a job, cant get or keep a woman, because i am constantly worrying about how stupid and impossible it is to get or keep a job or a woman!


Heh. Now that you’ve made the big shift from 18yos to 21yos, you’re finding that 21 yos aren’t so easy to pull either. Interesting Learning Experience, uh? That’s because they’re still in the prime of youth. Women in the Late Twenties will be easier to pull than Gurls in the Early Twenties. A LOT easier. However, as soon as a Woman hits 30, then it’s tick tock, they get the Baby Rabies and the Marriage Rabies, so you have to be extra careful of really shady Entrapment Tactics. They don’t want to Party any more and have No Strings Attached Friends With Benefits like you do. Heck they might even PRETEND they want FWB just to Entrap you at that point.

So your new task is to find wimmin in that sweet spot of they’re definitely past the prime of youth, but the reality hasn’t dawned on them yet fully, so they still want to Party and Play, and will do FWB and NSA and give it up easy. Maybe ages 26, 27, 28 are what you’re looking for. Yes. 26-28.  PERFECT.

Once you use them as Training Wheels and Practice Girls, you can Improve your Game and start pulling 25yos, 24yos, 23yos, and you can see where this is going!!!

Because the sooner you Sow Your Wild Oats, the sooner you can move on with life. And some poor men never get this out of their system. So they never move on. And the GOAL is to move on, so you no longer have to be a decadent degenerate sex addict, can focus on other things, like Career and Family and Children and Religion.

If you MAKE $100 a day gambling, that’s $36,500 a year. 365 days a year, $100 a day. That does seem a bit challenging. Obviously a Good Gambler can do this, and more. Because they wouldn’t make Gambling Their Job if it were easier to make more money at a Nongambling Job. However, to the Beginning Gambler, $100 a day seems difficult. Because this is NET GAINING $100 every single day. Sitting Down with $500 and Leaving with $600 every single day, WITH NO NET LOSSES. “Just” to make 36.5k a year, and remember r9k determined that 37k a year was the cutoff for Being A Loser In Life. Roughly $18 an hour.

And obviously you don’t want to play 7 days a week, that’s no fun. Probably 4 days a week would be ideal. and with 2 weeks vacation a year. Or maybe a European style vacation of 4 weeks. So, 48 weeks times 4 days per week, that’s 192 days of work per year. eh but what about chrimmus and new years, that’s like 2 weeks. and thanksgiving. 1 week. round it up to 8 weeks of vacation a year. 44 weeks times 4.  = 176 days of work a year AHHHH that’s better. 37k per year divided by 176 days of work per year, = you gotta make $211 every day. heh. Sit down with $500, leave with $711. No Losses. To Not be A Loser In Life, AND to have quite a generous amount of Free Time, way more than the Average Gainfully Employed American Workaholic Normalfag.

Heh. So I play texas holdem no limit at games.com where they start you off with 500 chips. That’s what I’m basing this all off of. Can I start with 500 chips and leave with 711 chips.  And GOD FORBID I make ONE stupid big bet and lose ALL muh chips.

So it takes nerves of steel, really. It’s amazing You couldn’t apply those Nerves of Steel to Trade School and then make WAY more than 38 k a year! Or talk to 27 year old wimmin and get them to not SOYF, but you to give them a good rogering from behind. Because by that age, no way do you want them to sit on your face. No longer nice and fresh.

OK. I forgot that if you sit down with 1000 chips, you can use your Fat Stack to win more pots, and prob have an easier time getting your daily quota of 200. HOWEVER you still can’t lose any, because you’re dipping into “past winnings” and you can’t lose that.

So where am I getting this magical 500? Because that’s what games.com starts you off with.

So what if you choose to start every day with 1000 or 2000. I BET it would be a lot easier to win your daily quota then! Hmmmmmmmmmm.

Anyway. The take home point is, you can easily WIN OR LOSE your ENTIRE daily quota in ONE hand. So you streeeeeeeeeeeetch this out into Eight Hours of Very Conservative Play. When in doubt, FOLD.

It’s funny. cuz gambling can be EXTREMELY stressful and EXTREMELY frustrating….. But it seems less frustrating and stressful than Nongambling Work because the punishment or reward happens In Real Time. You can watch your money grow…or disappear.

I suppose you could do the same by having a little APP which shows you how much money you’re making per second at your job. That would be a great app, actually, keeping your employees motivated.

Note: but the gains can be tremendous. You could go from $500 to $1000 in one hand and not have to work for 4 more days.

and it’s thrilling. it makes you forget about the outside world, and that alone can be rewarding enough.

Or I have just got the Degenerate Gambler Bug in me, and things could get REAL bad if I let them. I used to drink too much too. Smoke too much w33d. And now….gamble too much? it fits.

Annnnnnd I just went from 540 chips to 411 chips. That kind of thing is real soul crushing. So in this case, I absolutely HAVE to win 89 chips AND the 211 ON TOP OF that. See how quickly you can dig yourself a huge hole? And I’m Real Conservative Player!!! Of course, in that hand my single opponent won like a 375 chip pot, much of that my chips. Now I could easily win the 300 chips I NEED in one hand, is all I’m sayin.

So What would you rather do with your life, Gamble at the Unholy Casino, or Gamble at the Regular Casino?

ok. back to 513 pretty quickly. i still can’t quit for the day, i GOT TO get to 711. But I would LIKE to quit, because now I’m glad to “break even”, I don’t want to GAMBLE any more!!!!!

(I’m not really gambling, with real money, of course.)

In other words, I cannot wholeheartedly RECOMMEND Gambling as a Career Choice, as much as I’d liek to be able to. But as College gets less and less attractive, Gambling will continue to get more and more attractive!!!