I DONT WANT A PRESIDENT WHO DOESNT USE VULGAR LANGUAGE TO TALK ABOUT WOMEN

oct 5 2016

sheeeeeeit.

ok. got up and prepared for day like responsible man: shower, shave, breakfast, brush and floss, tied tie, now i am just waiting until i leave in 53 minutes to drive to interview starting at 2pm.

tell them at interview today that if it get the job at the “bank” uhhhh i have to take it. that is the one with int on upcoming tues that i am all excited about hehe. i mean it is a patently better job, better pay, prob better benefits, closer, i’d be an idiot not to. any non-failing business would agree with me hehehe.

leave for interview in 13 minutes. all dressed up atm. ready to go. try not to diaerrhoea.

shirt is def too big. pants are….not too small but they are “slim fit” unfort, so they will ALWAYS feel a little weird. i honestly could not find an ok looking blue suit that was not slim fit. it was the price i had to pay.

yeah just the idea that you need 100% accuracy and no errors, the job is, this NEEDS to be PERFECT, not 99.9%, but 100%, every time, your job is to make sure its PERFECT. ok i get that. but what i dont get is that asking a more experienced person to SIGN OFF on this is considered time wasting and hand holding and youre fired. NO. it should be Best Practices and Standard Operating Procedure to have a “Team Lead” Sign Off on your work.

oh golly gee i dont know what im doing but i hope its right because our paying client needs this airplane door to be 100% or else it will fly off at 140000 feet and 500 passengers will get sucked out the door to their deaths hahahaha.

or this bridge will fall apart and 1000 people will die and its on YOUR hands, lowly level 1 guy, not the Master Engineer who YOU thought “should” “sign off” on such an important project. no hes got better things to do like get drunk at lunch and look at Prep The Bull and Trap Porn on his work computer and make 4 times as much as you.

later

welp did my interview. it was kinda ridiculous but not in a horrible way. mainly the guy double booked his interviews for 2 people at the same time, there was a white man also dressed in a nice suit, but he seemed about 5 years older than me.  but healthy and regenerate looking hahaha. very healthy weight. anyway this other manager decided he would essentially do the interview with me, so i started talking to him, he was an all right guy, but then it was like ok lets see if the original manager is ready to talk to you now. so i ultimately talked to TWO managers one after the other and the whole thing took like 1 hour 40 minutes. thankfully both guys were nice and the company and job actually seemed all right EXCEPT there is a kind of sales/incentive pay structure, but there is a damn 13 week training program and starting at 17 dollars an hour at that time, so…..thats pretty good. the guy said the guys here were very “BLUE COLLAR” and i said thats great, I come from a blue collar family and have a Thick Skin to handle Bantz and F-Bombs hahahahaha.

i said all the right marketing bullshit about the companys culture and values and bla bla bla.

there were some times when i stumbled and sounded like an autist, similarly to how i did yesterday, but just like the person yesterday, they didnt jump on me for it or even seem to care. so i spilled the spaghetti a couple times, NO BIG DEAL. and that is ultimately pretty encouraging.

there was a sales office right there and they are hiring sales people too. i said my background was more geared towards Service Technician than Sales per se, although I DO have very good Communication and People skills and like to Educate people hahhahahahahaha.

but they also emphasized they are an Ethical company and do not try to sell people things they dont need. Which could be BS, but I said, Good, because I’m a very ethical guy and I wouldn’t want to sell people things they really don’t need. which is NOT BS!!!!!!!

well i have been so busy interviewing i missed the deadline for a few jobs to apply hehe. have to keep a PIPELINE going hahahahahahaha.

one thing i did like about the job today was that they had a lot of training. a LOT of training. 13 weeks. they said a lot of guys were confident at 8 weeks and said let me get out there, the the company wanted to err on the side of caution. and make sure people passed tests and got certified for jobs where certification was not Legally Mandatory.

now they could just be bullshitting to sell the job to me…..but its pretty good bullshit! shit yeah tell me more about how you make sure your people are fully trained.

since it does get into incentive based shit after training, i asked if any of the people really struggled with that. the manager said everyone is doing well and reaching goals. and these are salty technicians and not born smooth talking salesmen.

anyway i hate the idea that a woman will dump you as soon as you stop showing strength. that she can need you but GOD FORBID you ever need HER. is this really the way women are and i just have to accept it? I accept that men are stronger emotionally and physically and mentally than women and that men have to do MOST of the work……but I don’t think women cant be capable of doing any work at all. so you have to support her always, and she supports you NEVER? thats fookin gay.

yeah well she never gave up and walked out when her longterm boifran was freezing HER out. but im not sure he was being “WEAK” though. he was being strong but silent hahahaha. well, he might not have been being “STRONG” but he wasnt being WEAK either. he was jsut distant and cold and stubborn. but she made a real effort with him at least.

so yeah she was capable. jsut not with me. because i was weak hahahaha.

i just HATE the idea that you have to be PERFECT or else they LEAVE.

but thats clearly not true! her BF wasnt perfect and she gave him MORE than a fair chance! many women stay with men who are VERY not perfect!

yeah but these men present as strong, and not at all as weak. they dont get nervous or anxious. they might get ANGRY at the women always wanting to TALK and DO STUFF and FIX stuff. but the men are not freaking out like a hysterical WOMAN.

oct 6

 

classic album here, if you dont like this album, gtfo. train your 3dpd fat slob to like this album as you bang her hahahahaha.

as a lifelong fan of srs metal, i have learned the important and mature lesson than women who like metal = crazy = bad (im talking about like serious fans of black or death metal, not they like a few random hit metal songs by metallica or pantera or slayer or motorhead or iron maiden or something, that should be fine).

but yeah a woman that likes the CURE, i would still be pretty impressed by that. even though im old enough to KNOW BETTER about being IMPRESSED by a womans MUSICAL TASTE. its a traaaappp.

i dont even think robert smith is as big a degenerate as most musicians, well, assuming from the fact that he’s been married to the same woman for like 40 years.

never saw the cure live and they are one of the few on muh live concert bucket list. note to self, if i have feelings for a woman, do NOT take that woman to the cure concert, because i wont be able to remember that as a good memory when she dumps me and breaks my heart hahaha. go with a male friend or alone.

yeah hard to go wrong with the cure. it is smooth and chill, and beautiful, and melodic, romantic, catchy, and also sad and emo, and spine chilling, and this album is probably their best moment. the Lush Beauty of “pictures of you” to the super catchy hard rocking of “fascination street” and of course their biggest hit “lovesong” which is a great song. i mean its impossible not to like and RESPECT this album. for any fan of music. if you dislike this album YOUR JUST STUPID.

yeah i guess if youre a total hipster you could say its too mainstream and overplayed. its def mainstream but is it REALLY overplayed? are these REALLY boring songs? these are timeless, classic songs that are played a lot for a REASON.

it IS a little LONG though at 63 minutes, where 40 minutes is the ideal album length.

working class men on Worksites listen to MUSIC all day as they do their hard work. i think this is very significant and worth some thought. if you are listening to music, it is harder to PANIC and be ANXIOUS and NERVOUS, and ALSO it means you are CONSTANTLY TALKING and thinking on your feet to come up with Bullshit Explanations for both your supervisors and your customers. that is EXHAUSTING. its like CAMPAIGNING for president and you have to talk and bullshit all day. i could NEVER do that, i dont know where trump gets his ENERGY, but its safe to say he’s always been that way, and some people just ARE.

heheh i forgot about the 311 cover of lovesong. that is tbh pretty darn good fam hahahaha. pretty secsy for blowing out your bitches asshole hahahahaha. because they LIKE being treated like Jooish Pornographic Filth. Absolutely Disgusting. BELIEVE ME, I would rather treat them as Fragile Flowers, because I HATE Jooish Pornographic Filth. Hate that Disgusting SHit that has RUINED Women And Men. words cannot describe the HATE. i dont hate nonwhites, i might not even hate joos, but by god i HATE the disgusting filth that joos have created! I hate the evil they have done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

funny that the cure has an album called “pornography.” as an old man, this to me is AWESOME because that is an INCREDIBLY dark, despairing, nihilistic album, and I think this terrible feel perfectly captures the actual real essence of pornography. it is not secsy or hot and all. it is empty and despairing and nihilistic and soulless and horrible. i’m not sure if thats what robert (first name basis hahahaha) was getting at, but i like to think he was hahahahaha.

and yeah “pictures of you” is a CLASSIC FOR A REASON!!!!! and perfectly captures Lost Love and Heartbreak and Regret and embodies what i have felt for the past 14 months hahahahahahaha. thankfully i can enjoy the song on its own merits as a way to express a personal emotion that was unshared with her, hahahaha. meaning, im glad i never cuddled or buttfooked her while listening to THE CURE or this album, because then it would actually REMIND me of her, rather than help me Get Over Muh Emotions ABOUT her. in other words, the cure is MY thing and not HER thing, definitely not OUR thing. well she probably likes a few cure songs but we never shared any cure moments, thank god.

NEVER share things with women hahahahaha cuz then you cant enjoy your favorite music and movies when they break your heart and leave you. THEY WILL RUIN YOUR FAVORITE THINGS FOR YOU. i mean thank god i can still listen to neil young, but it took a while! TOO LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah i mean you get over it, but it sucked that i couldnt even listen to one of muh favorite music guys for months!!!!!!!!!!!!

want to get out of house before noon today (oh god that sounds so lazy and negrish!!!!!!) and do some errands

also prep for autist aba job interview tommorow

AND apply for 3 jobs because i think about 3 decent jobs are gonna “expire” by tommorow

AND get good powerwalk

AND get 14 pushups

AND eat less than 1200 calories because i went like EIGHT HUNDRED OVER yesterday, oy vey.

uhhhh 14 pushups is a good baby step, but all together that is a lot of baby steps hahahaha.

ok went to store

ok called the interview place and stalked the woman who will be interviewing me, she was supposed to email me 2 days ago but it never went thru because she typed my hard to spell email wrong.

i called her and aksed for her hard to spell email and successfully sent a message to her hahahaha. thankfully she does not have a masters degree and seems like a nice person from the stalking i did.

ok got the shit printed out, hehhehe if you have to print out 10 pages of shit for every interview, thats 250 pages hahahaha. i have already bought 2 black ink cartridges and am burning thru the 3rd one pretty quickly. so stupid.

not going to get a ton of sleep tonight, might blank out and do a gary johnson aleppo moment tomorrow. that really looks bad. well if he can get to be governor, i can get a 12 dollar an hour autism technician job.

uhhhh applied to 2 jobs today but not 3. prepared my info sheet for tomorrow.

this org clearly has a problem with people not sticking around. prob because they quickly find better paying jobs. and they cant afford to pay them more because they are a nonprofit org. so they are angry about people getting valuable autism training and then leaving before 10 months. but i……

i dunno i just hate being in a job and saying OH GOD HOW AM I GONNA DO THIS I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING I CANT HANDLE THIS JOB OH GOD WHAT DO I DO OH GOD THIS IS RIDICULOUS WHY DID THEY GIVE ME THIS JOB OH YEAH BECAUSE THEY CANT FIND PEOPLE WHO WILL PUT UP WITH THIS SHIT FOR MORE THAN A FEW DAYS WITHOUT QUITTING!!!! WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO HERE WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO THESE PEOPLE TELL ME WHAT TO DO PLEEEEASE TELL ME WHAT TO SAY TO THEM I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOOOOOOOOOOOING HOW CAN YOU PUT ME OUT HERE IN FRONT OF THESE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i also worry that the “workplace safety” job will do regular drug tests because you drive a company van. oh god i cant drive a large van!!!!!!! what if the van breaks down!!!!!!

i think this autism job would be more fun and i would enjoy it more and also be able to SURVIVE and WITHSTAND it better, because it is part time and because it is sort of in muh wheelhouse. well i am more conflicting about wanting the autism job vs the safety job, however in the autism vs the bank job, i def want the bank job!!!!!

hehehehe this is assuming i get offers from both jobs in these situations. VERY big assumptions!!!!!

does that mean i had a good feeling abotu the saftey job? kind of!

and i have kinda a good feeling about getting the autism job.

REALLY? I have been REJECTED for ELEVEN dollar an hour part time jobs recently, what reason do i have to be optimistic about a TWELVE DAH PT job? hahahahaha. well because my degree actually relates to this job, sort of, where it doesnt relate to “office administrative assistant” job. which is stupid. i mean the better degree for that would be business. even if i have 30 credits of business classes. doesnt matter i guess hahaha.

shit they might reject me because ive never worked with CHILDREN before. let alone autist children haha.

i wish you could negotiate training wages. meaning i would gladly accept minimum wage for the first month or however long it took for me to be rejected from the other 2 jobs i am in contention for. so if i got one of those jobs, the autism place wouldnt lose too much money training me. cuz its a decent org and i might want to reapply with them in a few years. for one of their FT jobs that dont exist, yeah sure hahahaha.

oct 7 firday

752 AM

up real early today, like a real working man, currently dressed up and ready to go to interview, did not prep so well. as predicted, did not sleep well. well i was up thinking until like 130 am. thankfully i did fall asleep and I was in the middle of an interesting dream that i was scheduled to be part of the death panel on the next daily shoah with k1ke enoch and “sven” and i was like iii dunno guys, what the hell am I gonna be able to add to this, im gonna sound like an idiot, but im honored you asked me, i really like TRS hahahahaha. this is probably muh first TRS related DREAM hahahahaha. much better than having dreams about you know WHO hahaha.

ok. like i say, its a tough call between autism job vs safety job. for a normie, no its not, the safety job BTFOs the autism because it pays more, more hours, FT, established company, health care, bennies etc.

12 pm

welp did the interview, sent thank you note, recorded it as 95 minutes. spent an hour in there, but onyl about 30 minutes talking to them, and like 20 minutes filling out a damn application by hand which was basically a copy of all the shit i already gave them. i will never understand these stupid hiring policies. filling out shit by hand. unbelievable. told them about muh desire for FT. they were very understanding. talked to a Masters Level Psychologist who is about 7 years younger than me, oy vey hahahahaha.

there might be young 3 year old children biting and smacking and pooping their pants and i have to put diapers on them. i think i would rather do this than answer phone calls hahahahaha.

i dont fookin know man i just want a job where i can get help if i need it and i am not constantly needing it and not constantly fighting and struggling to survive every day. good god. the type of exhausting, nervous struggle where you feel like you need to chug Whiskey straight from the bottle at the end of every day.

hehehe normal life is at least 2 to 3 times HARDER for me than for normies. not that normies have it easy! but the basics of Holding Down a Job and Banging A Bitch, those are at LEAST 3 times harder for me. lots of fear and failure hehehehe. lots of time wasted. lots of not getting anywhere.

on the degen show “better things” which im not sure why i am watching, well because i want to see a degen single mother raising degen girls, its really all about degen women, and is kinda like “GIRLS” in that regard. no husbands or fathers, mothers a whore, her oldest daughter is 16 and beautiful and is becoming a whore, the middle daughter is an autistic ocd 13 year old lesbian, so i guess all that is enough to sell me.

recent episode focused on the 16 year old daughter worried about her future, going to college and all that, what am i gonna do with my life, her high school guidance counselor says no ivy league for you, you shoulda started prepping for that a few years ago, might not have the grades for a good state shool, have you thought about community college?

now the red pill is that community college is awesome but it DOES have a reputation as for underachieving losers, so when you’re in high school, you shudder at the thought. then when 10 years later youre still a huge loser, you think, welp, i have been humbled, time to go to CC now that real University did not work out.

anyway the girl is very anxious and despairing and I totally related and found this storyline very compelling. i guess she smokes MJ and does not get 4.0 grades. dont know if she is a huge horrible slut. PROBABLY, knowing this degen show.

because they show the girl sitting with her degen mom and the degen moms friends all sitting around drinking and talking about ABORTIONS, like how many abotions you got, tell the story of that abortion, and i was like, they are trying WAY too hard to make this show edgy, and what EXACTLY are they trying to say? they were clearly trying to be provocative by having such a “FRANK” discussion of abortions while CHILDREN were amongst them, as if to say, this is NORMAL, this is not a big deal, we all have abortions, and you’ll get abortions too, its just a fact of life, rite of passage for a woman, dont be ashamed of this, its good to be pro choice, and if you get knocked up when you are having fun with Secsy Boys, you can and should totes get an abortion too.

so i felt sympathy for this poor girl just about to become a Woman, and that she was so FOOKED because her mother is such a damn baby murdering degenerate. so the beautiful 16 year old gurl is gonna become a slut REAL soon if she isnt already, prob lose V to badboi, then quickly start riding C carousel, throwing a bunch of betabois away, probably start cheating, not take secs seriously, not take human life seriously, the way she THROWS LIVES AWAY, develop 10000 C stare, never be able to have a serious rel with a man, just like her crazy whore mother who cant love a man either.  but is this “beautifully flawed” woman trying to raise 3 young daughters as a Single Working Mom who is very open about Secs and Abortions and Being Tuff and You Do You Grrrrrl.

and its NORMAL to be a slut and cheat and break hearts and throw people away and get abortions, sex is FUN FIRST and if you get preggers, no big deal, get an abortion, WEVE ALL DONE IT. and sometimes you just wanna get fooked, and if the guy is a sensitive virgin type an gets feelings, AW, TOO BAD SO SAD, its ok to Dump and Ghost him because you just wanted to Get Off.

and we are beautiful in our flaws and we are gonna be as flawed as possible.

and i like the show for confronting Real Shit, but i hate it for taking the wrong opinion on this shit. while at the same time having some good and sympathetic characters. i mean i dont even really hate the mom. but i should.

to make her daughter feel better, the mother took her to the store and made her dress in a Ladies Business Suit, and said there you are, you look just like those successful peopel who have their shit together, youre no different than them. it was actually sort of touching even though she should not be so worried about career and shit. she should have a good father who helps her find a good husband.

i mean the show could have pushed more Red Pills about You Dont Have To Go To College. Go To Trade School or Community College or Military.

so they talk to a bank teller and mom says do you have any college, teller says no just a GED and i started this job at age 22 and im 25 now.

this could have opened a real good conversation but they just left it there.

so do you portray the bank teller as a failure because they didnt go to college? no not at all, which i liked.

i would have liked more if they had a 30 year old with a masters degree living with his family because he is still trying to pay back 200k in student loans hahahaha and he’s done, he’s finished, given up on life, i’ll never get anyway, i wish i could have a family but i’ll never afford it, and i havent dated a woman in over 5 years hahahahaha. that would have been some great black pill shit.

basically, college educated 30 year olds who cant afford to move out hahahaha because they are only making 12 dollars an hour and are 80k in debt for useless college hahahaha.

tfw when you see a picture of FENRIZ when he was very young, like 20 or 21 or so, and realize he sort of reminds you of THAT WOMAN.

I was completely in luv and wanted to marry and have babies and spend muh life with and was devastated heartbroken for 15 months over a woman who looks like FENRIZ.

fenriz is currently 44 years old as is nocturno culto. culto has 2 children a son and a daughter. i do not think fenriz has any children. not sure how old cultos children are. i hope he is a good father to them.

but yeah there are like 2 pictures of 20 year old fenriz where he kinda looks like That Woman. so weird. i told you she was kidna weird looking hahahahaha. but like fenriz, she had nice long dark hair.

so darkthrone was offered 200k USD to play a festival for one show and they REFUSED. hell yes that shows some serious “INTEGRITY” but at the same time i have to think, you’d have to be stupid to turn that down!

Should a man with CHILDREN turn down 200k for 1 day of work just because of his artistic integrity?

basically I give them a PASS, and I think its kinda STUPID for a man with a FAMILY to turn that money down. even if you dont have a family, you still need money. maybe fenriz has bastard children he needs to pay child support. (speculation). maybe fenriz wants to take care of his aging parents. TAKE THE FOOKIN MONEY GUIZE.

heh. most people just like the music and dont really care about the people behind it.

I dont really care for the music and i am MORE interested in the PEOPLE behind it hahahaha.

i mean the story of these guys lives is WAY more interesting than listening to “plaguewielder” or “the cult is alive” hehehehehehehehe.

i say this because i am sort of excited about darkthrone again due to their brand new album which I am going to listen to today on powerwalk hehehe.

did 3.2 mile, 1 hour powerwalk, my normal walking pace is 3.2 mph and i am happy with that.

listened to new darkthrone album. it has great sound/production and is perfect length and it is not all ridiculous, but uhhh i was hoping it would be a little…..better hehehehe. i mean its no panzerfaust. i mean you can tell they are both enjoying themselves, theyre not just going through the motions, so i think a large part of the prob is me simply not being able to appreciate “new” music.

its hard to get the interest of women when you MAKE LESS THAN THEM. of course im talking about money. basically the only people that I make MORE than are total white trash and negroes hahahahaha. at least when i was making 30k, i was then good enough to pull white trash waitresses and such hahahahaha. and that was the best money i ever made in my life! when i was making like 12k a year, i was staying sane but what the HELL can you do on 12k a year? cant live, cant have a family, cant do anything. cant have a serious rel with a woman. i guess you could bang sluts because you sure arent gonna KEEP any women making only 12k!

wow she dumped him SUPER BAD, super insult to injury there. why do people do this? why do you HAVE to add insult to injury? i mean if i were this guy i would be devastated, my confidence would be CRUSHED for at least 15 months hahahahaha. this type of thing will DESTROY a guys confidence for a LONG time.

also when someone throws you away, people advise you, they dont know what they had, in 2 months they will miss you and be begging for you back. dont take them back. be better than that. they took you for granted the first time. dont give them that second chance.

and that def never happened here. she left me and NEVER looked back. feels bad man! that might even be worse. i wuld def forgive and take her back once. and if she pulled the same shit twice (like they often do) then i would kick her ass out (probably not hahahahaha). but she didnt even come back.

but i am doing my interviews so thats as good as i can ask. i have done about 36 hours of interviews roughly. i guess it would make sense to do 40 hours of interviews. maybe what the lord is teaching me is how to get good at interviews. thats the lesson for this 15 months of pain. how to do interviews. sheeeeeeeeeeeeit.

but if i dont have an interview for a week, then i feel like i lose all those gains. and i need to have at least 2 or 3 interviews a week to get better. kinda like lifting hehehehe.

heh 330 pm and could totes take a nap. cuz i got up at 615am and did not fall asleep till 1 am.

 

super lengthy autistic post but an in depth picture of someone who actually DOES go to a shrink, and both people are willing to go to shrink, and it doesnt really improve things hehehehe. she still blames him.

but yeah he does seem too damn autistic and that is probably a problem.

also yeah she probably IS “depressed” but she should get that diagnosed well before 28. I sure did! because i was trying to improve myself so i could live a normal life with a job and a GF one day.

and good on this guy for improving himself from a fat virgin to an in shape, masters degree, successful, hardworking, guy with a GF. but he is still anal and autistic in a way that will hurt the rel, just as she hurts the rel with her “depression” and lack of interest and effort.

this album is regarded as DT coming back from a perhaps 3-album slump from 1996 to 2003 hahaha. fenriz said he was very derpressed and i guess was feeling better by the time of this album. and he was thankful to culto for essentially keeping the band alive during that time.

anyway i remember i actually bought the “plaguewielder” cd (used) back when cds were still a thing. i was like uhhhh this is not the greatest. and that was pretty much the end of darkthrone for me hahahaha and i never gave “hate them” a chance. i did give “sardonic wrath” a try and actually kinda liked that one. that came out following hate them.

anyway just trying to say i prefer this kind of vocal from culto. the hateful trve black metal vocal rather than the more i guess celtic frost vocal he’s doing now. which is not bad mind you, but the older vocal is better.

i mean there is no competition hehehe. however “boring” darkthrone may be, culto gives a Master Class in how to do good vocals.

62.9% labor force participation rate? that cant be good, unless labor force counts super old and super young people….which it probably shouldnt! and honestly i dont think it does. labor force is work age people. like 18 to 65 or whatever.

oh you know what i am not even gonna shit on plaguewielder anymore. it has shitty artwork but it sounds pretty similar to hate them with the riffage and sick vocals. also culto thanks tom waits on his short list of inspirations and shoutouts. in 2001 before i even knew who tom waits was unfortuantely. did not discover waits until 2003 or 4 at the latest.

also there are “blast beats” on these albums where i haven’t heard them on the newer albums. come on. you gotta have that.

trump scandal of him using “vulgar language about women.”

I DONT WANT A PRESIDENT WHO DOESNT USE VULGAR LANGUAGE TO TALK ABOUT WOMEN!!!!

crude comments in 2005 interview about tits and pussy and whatever. who cares.

well, i kinda care if he is cheating on his wife, but not sure if he was married to her by then.

cuz its not cool to cheat on your wife but he has dealt with his fair share of gold diggers so.

i mean this is fooking stupid and i hope it doesnt COST HIM the election just because WOMEN will be so butthurt. and women shouldnt even be able to vote hehehehehe. but people have short memories too.

even the circle wagons album does not sound BAD. it is quite rocking as a matter of fact.

lesson: even the “worst” darkthrone albums are pretty good.

i would have preffered that he make super racist comments about mudslims or blacks or especially joos. that would be SWEET. BUT, that definitely would have killed his chances 100%, and that would NOT be good.

i like that he didnt apologize THAT much. hes not begging for forgiveness, and kinda saying this is not a big deal. cuz its really not. but i really dont know how real women will take it. i know that msnbc is up in arms hahahaha.

why not criticize the hollywood host billy bush for being an enthusiastic participant in the conversation.

QUOTE

It’s foolish to take the Blackpill with regards to women. It makes you settle for low quality sluts and degenerates. Do you want them to be the mother of your children?

I was in a bad place in 2011. I was dating a used-up slut whom I had nothing in common with. I was struggling to finish school and leave the comfy world of NEETdom. I had gotten into reading ‘The Red Pill’ and that middle eastern rapist Roosh, and my opinion of women was extremely low. Thus, my expectations from women were low.

This girl was a degenerate waste. She was pretty enough, but was a complete slob, and nearing the end of her 20s. I knew she had dated around, but the extent of the rot was what really got to me. The day I left her was when I attended a ‘party’ with some of her friends, only to discover she had f00cked literally 8 of the men at the party. Her total number was somewhere around 35ish men. One of which included a ni99er. Disgusting. I drove off, deleted her from Facebook and Skype, and washed my hands of her.

I was lucky to get out of that mess with no STIs. I pulled myself out of this depression and blackpill by lifting and travelling, and completely tossed out the ReturnOfKangz/rOOSH shit. Some of the techniques are useful, and yes, 90% of women are somewhere on the whore spectrum, but 10% of girls is still a HUGE amount of people.

On one of my trips, after a year of lifting and healthy eating, I met a complete QT3.14, 10/10. She was introverted, shy, but extremely moral. She was 6 years younger than me, intelligent, had a similar genetic background, and was a fucking virgin.

Married her 2 years into the relationship and it has only gotten better.

Lift, have confidence in your self, resist the blackpill, and you will find extremely high quality women waiting for you to wife them. Let the f4ggot numales clean up the algae of used up whores. WILL TO POWER BRAH

END

i am risking getting banned for posting private forum material here, but uhhhh i wont say what forum i got it from, nor who said it, but i am trying to share an awesome WHITE PILL here: a neetish man was dating a dirty slut, then he turned his life around and married a nice virgin waifu. GOOD FOR HIM. this is EXACTLY the stuff I need to read a LOT more of…..but i’m not finding a lot of it. not enough.

nyquil and coffee combination hehehe. again went way over calorie limit. soooooo easy to eat over 1200 cals.

yeah why shouldnt i link this already.

this and TH are muh fav DT albums. and this one is more “fun.” not sure why the vocals are considered controversial. i think they are great although perhaps mixed a little loudly. the riffs, songwriting, and production are all top of the line, and there is a ton of nostalgia with this album, as it was a big part of muh adolescence at age 18 or so. this is a pretty kewl album to have as your theme music at age 18 hahahahahahahaha.

“quintessence”, come on. probably the darkthrone stairway to heaven right there.

but yeah. a lot of people are interested in things they dont really participate in. politics, professional sports, tv shows, religion. but no one is interested in “relationships” as like a main interest they way I am, apart from WOMEN who are always GOSSIPING. I truly do like to gossip, but I like even more to study and understand the relationships.

its like watching from the sidelines and commenting but never participating. but thats the thing: is that normies DO participate, quite regularly, and dont really comment on it at the same level as I do, just gossip, say whos fooking who, whos dumping who.

and even people who are obsessed with sportsball and watch pro sportsball but are too fat and soft to actually play pro sportsball still often play amateur sportsball or fantasy sportsball.

i dont play Fantasy Relships, although maybe in a way I do: by having these one sided things where I have the relship all in my mind and it does not reflect reality at all.

nyquil makes me unable to think clearly and articulate and be persuasive. still i wish i just had some MJ, i would LUV to smoke a bunch of MJ on a friday night like this and listen to DARKTHRONE.

“the hordes of nebulah”. i used to think this song wasnt as good as the 2 before it, now i see i was wrong hahahahaha. truly a MAGIC album and i wouldnt EXPECT darkthrone to ever capture this kind of lightning in a bottle quite the same way ever again. you cant. again a large part of this was my own age at the time. but this is gonna be one of those albums that i enjoy thru my entire life hahaha. share with muh waifu and children and they will say damn what a badass!

anyway it is just “funny” and mostly sad that i spend all this time and energy and interest thinking about and analyzing Relationships, general and particular, myself and my fantasy rels, others and my perceptions of their real rels, and i think i have the tools and skills and knowledge to be real mature and good in a rel…..but my weakness is the BEGINNING. I cant get it STARTED for various reasons. cant spark the kindling and get the fire going ever.

large part of that is because i am scared to “apply”. at least with jobs i am putting out 450 applications, doing 23 interviews. if i were doing that with WOMEN, i WOULD have been in a real rel by now, or at least had a near normie level of secsual satisfaction. or, hopefully, i would say THIS IS DEGENERATE, I’m not gonna do this unless its in a real rel with a decent woman, fook this banging sluts shit, leave it to the degenerate hedonist nihilist abortionists.

fenriz did recycle the classic “quintessence” riff on his storm “nordavind” album which was recorded in late 1994 while panzerfaust was recorded in early 1994 hehehe.

they got the qt gurl kari rueslatten to sing on the album (from 3rd and the mortal, really need to dig into them more) and supposedly she was very upset and felt betrayed by fenriz because he changed a lyric at the last minute to say something like “death to every man who does not hail the fatherland!” which she felt was ebil racist. and i bet fenriz is not a racist. shit i wish he WAS. he SHOULD be. and poor kari felt horrible guilt after that and betrayed by ebil fenriz. hahahahaha i wonder if he fooked her. the dirty slut hahaha. see this ALL comes from the root cause of my degen pornographic view of women as sluts to be fooked. this is from watching way too much pron, so shame on me. but also shame on women for willingly BEING like that. they dont have to BE sluts, even if the girls in porno are.

and because kari was a beautiful young norwegian gurl with beautiful long hair, i dont WANT her to be a slut.

i want to read more stories of women who are DIVORCING or DUMPING their men because oh god hes a TRUMP SUPPORTER. but r/relships does not allow overtly political topics.

i would think being married and especially with children makes women less leftist catladylike. so they will say oh yeah trump is crude but oh well hes still better than hillary so im still voting for him.

whereas its the C carousel sluts and catladies who will be most offended, and they werent voting for trump ANYWAY.

in other words, its not gonna lose him any votes. its not gonna make anyone who has already chosen trump, say, oh NOW he’s gone too far, and i am changing my vote to HILLARY? i cant imagine him honestly doing any of that. even if he said GTKRWN 1488, which i would luv, people would still say, yeah im still not voting for hillary.

however it will make the hillary people all the more SHRILL and ANNOYING and that might push undecideds towards trump.

undecideds tho? and couldnt this push undecideds to hillary? sure.

BUT HOW MANY UNDECIDEDS ARE THERE REALLY?????

not very many imho. i play it down because i hang out with people who would be MORTIFIED that they have even ONE trump supporter in their friend circle. so i say stuff, ah well, its a classic lesser of two evils thing, i dont really like either of them, but im really dont like hillary, yes i agree with you trump is not super presidential but im a moderate centrist and hillary is just too left for me, so, i have to vote for trump. that kind of waffling shit. actually i wouldnt even confirm i was voting for trump unless i was with some trump voters. thankfully i know a few.

7000 words? damn.

but yeah its funny. i analyze and think about rels like An Interest Or Hobby but never actually participate, when most NORMIES DO participate and dont analyze them to the same level, its just a normal part of normal life, dont overthink it, its not something interesting like football or tv hahahaha.

well to me it is!!!!!!!!

and women arent much better than men. they gossip a lot more about rels but are even WORSE at analysing, understanding, and workign with them. men could at least have a good chance at reasoning their way through them if they tried.

but you cant REASON with women. its like REASONING with a drunk 50 foot baby with a flamethrower. REASONING with a damn tasmanian devil. you cant reason somebody out of something that they didnt reason themselves into, hahahahaha.

THIS IS HOW BABIES GET MADE

july 5

found some Grade A job postings, which is kinda rare, most jobs are B- or B. Grade A you actually CARE about not making any mistakes. so should I do those super fast to try to keep my Average down?

well, don’t waste time but dont necess RUSH like a spazz either?

completed careerbuilder apply in 9 minutes. QUICK. why cant they all be like that?

just like a damn bag of meat. we are all bags of meat. like that damn tool video hahahaha. or nine inch nails. where they open up this pipe and there is this disgusting meat slowly pushing through it like shit through a colon haha.

women complain about men watching porn, well the things women DO are WAY MORE degenerate! whats worse, some pathetic neet whacking off to jooish filth (yeah that is pretty bad, but not in any way the women understand) or the women actually going out and being Living Pornography to some sleazebag?

well, in both cases you are making a mockery of something sacred. but its worse when women do it because they can get pregnant. also it actually involves two people. and not just one pathetic man whacking off to j00ish filth.

because youre involving MORE than one person and making an even WORSE mockery of the life creation process. arguably hahaha.

like a person who wahcks off to pron all the time can still grasp the importance of actual secs. i did! even though i watched WAY TOO MUCH pron, i still didnt view actual secs in that way. I was nervous because I was like holy shit, THIS IS HOW BABIES GET MADE, so i am nervous about that, and also im nervous because ive never done this before. and how soon is SHE gonna dump me. pretty damn soon as it turned out hahaha.

went to shrink. mainly talked about job search. also try to talk a little bit about THAT PERSON. I figure better to call her that PERSON instead of that WOMAN because NOT ALL WOMEN are like that hahahaha.

i said i hate thinking i was a bad influence on that person, while she was a good influence on me.

shrink responded that she prob didnt think i was a bad influence, like a druggie or a loser, like the people she cut out of her life for being druggies and drunks and losers. i hated thinking i was a loser like them. especially since i am prone to think of myself as a loser anyway.

shrink said if anything i was one of the better influences in her life! but she dumped me because SHE didnt know how to HANDLE the situation! NOT because I was a loser!

and also, she was positive to me, but she was ALSO VERY negative to me. there was SO MUCH NEGATIVE hehehe.

here is what muh new spreadsheet looks like, just for educational purposes. those top rows are frozen. i am adding new stuff to the top of the list and just adding more rows as needed. the link is to the google stopwatch. not really needed.

WEWLAD

ALSO try to look up jobs for companies on LINKEDIN. like this bigass robotics company i could not find at all on indeed. have many jobs listed on linkedin,where i can see that plenty of alums from my highly selective univ are currently employed. probably engineers making 90k a year, having grad from muh highly selective u’s engineering skool like I shold have done……

also found a treasure trove of hospital jobs that i wasnt getting because they were posted too long ago but they are still open. when i worked at my until 2013 easy fun job, i worked with a nice friendly man around my age and we got along well. he complained about his bitchy sister who ended up getting a “super easy job” at this hospital. i of course asked him, tell me about that job, i want one too. I could never get the exact title from him, dont think he knew. well i stalked the whole family on linkedin recently and found her job title there. and find that there are like 5 positions with that title. bla bla analyst. they IDEALLY want a CS bachelors (NO, not customer service ya moron!) but if his party gurl airhead sister can get this job, any ingra with a pulse can.

looks like his brother is doing a similar job.

i dont know about the guy himself. cant find him on linkedin. he had some health problems that impacted his working life and he could very well probably get SS disability. but he was a real nice guy and we got along real well and I sometimed wish I had become friends with him hahaha. I still sometimes think about what he is doing. cuz he is gonna have even harder time than me. but he had a similar work ethic as me: he didnt want to K himself being a bitch for Joos hahahaha and just wanted to do an honest job for honest pay, that wasnt all sales or ALL customer service. i know he would have not enjoyed the call center hehehehe. neither did i friendo.

but yeah of COURSHE bla bla robotics is not gonna post jobs on INDEED, they need to showcase their CAREERS on LINKEDIN. sheeeeit. might as well look for a facebook developer job on snagajob.com hahahaha.

and i am not talking about poo in loo indian contractors making 1 dah in bangalore to flag offensive content. i am talking about asian americans with top stem degrees, in san jose making 200k a year Managing Projects.

july 6

welp big interview tomorrow. compliance specialist! I dont even know what that IS! I applied for many other jobs at this large multidepartmented institution of higher education hehehe. why couldnt one of the OTHER jobs have called me for an interview?

i guess the good lord likes testing/torturing me with confusing shit hahaha.

unfort Seeming Confused is the worst way to get a job. you have to be confident and very competent, or at least SEEM that way, which is hard for me, who has been Unemployed for a Year and Hasnt Made Out with a Woman in 10 Years hahaha.

pay band STARTS at 49k? and this guys an ACCOUNTANT and he decided to call ME for an interview? are people really THAT bad at “Talent Acquisition?” apparently. the office is full of what sounds like black women hahahaha. i guess this place is HUGE on Diversity in the Workplace. probably a reason why a fooking white male cant get a job there unless they are AWESOME, which unfort i am not.

oh well. go to the damn interview and present a confident demeanor like trumpenfuhrer1433.

there is a FOOKLOAD of carbs and sugar in coca cola and other soda hehehehe. it might not have as many calories as you might think, but the carbs and sugar are ridiculous. absolutely off the charts. i say this because i was brought a soda at muh social event and since the new year i have essentially given up soda, just getting water, and always specify water unless they bring me a darn soda. i also went way over the top eating a damn huge burger. it was a good burger but it was so heavy and calorie laden hehehe totally rekt muh diet and also disturbed muh sleep at night. NEVER AGAIN!

daniel radcliffe is playing a skinhead neo nazi hollywood nazi 1433 crowd in “imperium” which normies will never recognize as the title of yockey’s seminal book hehehehe and which i doubt the j00vie goes into any detail about

heh updated spreadsheet to have a goal of 400 jobs. now i have a percentage meter that creeps up by 0.25% whenever I finish one job app hahaha.

well THANK GOD for this spreadsheet, and giving me the idea to use this spreadsheet, because its made the job search a teensy bit more bareable, which I kinda needed. to get to god damn 400 jobs. even doing 10 a day that’s still 40 days.

but really at 14 minutes an app, I should be doing at LEAST 20 a day. so now that’s 20 days. hmmm.

and i know all this because of the spreadsheet.

ridic interview tomorrow, I found out SOME info about their “ecommerce marketplace” system and their software bla bla so I will make it sound like i did some homework. Will state the basical account equation and shit abotu debits and credits.

heh this was just in muh youtube window.

this could be good. apparently it is “blasphemy worship” and this might be the band that led up to teitanblood. maybe. could be confusing another “P” band.

i dunno they did a split with teitanblood, who seems more grim and serious. they are both from madrid area.

anyway i guess i just like that aesthetic. that type of artwork with black and white skeletons and goats and red band logo. and this album cover always stuck with me (above.)

or i could have been thinking of THIS album cover hahahahahahahaha

I woke up in the middle of the night with muh tummy hurt from eating too many hamburgers hahahaha and thought wow, i have literally failed at everything every. i am the real master of failure. everything i tried i have failed. everything important to me i have failed at. all the important things of life: women, relationships, friends, jobs, career, education, i’ve more or less failed at. i drank some pepto bismol and thankfully was able to get back to sleep.

and do a paltry 5 applications today. down to a darn 13 minute average but i fully expect that to go as high as 17 haha. 21 jobs in the spreadsheet so far.

shaved scruffy beard in anticipation of interview tomorrow.  electric shaver always misses some hairs so you need to go back and do it twice hahaha.

want to go for powerwalk here.

ok, did that, listened to some blasphemy and ritual killer and then new fatherland.

the blasphemy album is good fun despite not being able to discern any riffs. great “atmosphere” of wild raucous drunken evil blasphemy hahaha. but you can only listen to about 14.33 minutes at a time tops haha. because they dont seem like real actual songs.

i will lie and tell them tomorrow that I have a 30% chance at getting the nursing home payroll job, and also a 30% chance of getting the education/training center job. hehehehe.

is it this hard for other people? do they too have such a HARD TIME adapting to their jobs, doing their jobs……and getting the jobs? do they have to also apply to 400 jobs? do they have just as good of a system as me? with alerts ad spreadsheets and shit? 10 page packets to every posting? maybe thats WHY I’m only getting a 5% interview rate. WELL, no packet seemed to be about the SAME. I figure the Packet gives them more information IF THEY WANT IT. (references, letters of recommendation, unofficial transcripts.) in addition to the standard cover letter. also have a long resume in there of coursh.

and that person just finds a new job in a month. probably just yes to one of the RECRUITERS calling her looking for a body to stick in a seat. and she probably just say ok its just a job, it doesnt have to be FUN, it’s just take it until i can find something better, not the end of the world LOL. at least I have muh weed and all these men to play with hahahahaa.

whereas i am intentionally trying to stay away from phone jobs because the very word still strikes extreme fear in my heart. and i would rather go from 15 DAH to 12 DAH to not have to experience that again.

i have very low confidence but i still think i am smarter than average people. like average people doing average jobs. my prev job was tough as hell and these people were smarter than you thought. and I was STILL smarter than them. also it doesnt make you SMART when information is hidden and you have the “SILO MENTALITY”. where there are secrets and shit. that doesnt make you DUMB when you arent privy to the SECRETS.

of course its easier to learn the secrets when you are a 25 year old woman and everyone wants to fook you or marry you hahahaha.

i might not be smart as some autistic engineer, but im no idiot, am i?!?!?!?!?! why cant I just get a damn 14 dollar an hour job? or 12 dollar an hour full time mon thru fri 9 to 5 job?  not some “casual” “rotating shift” “no guaranteed hours” “this position is not intended for someone who wants health care benefits” 9.50 an hour 30 hour a week job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what do the power lifting skinheads in blasphemy do to make their 14 dollars an hour?

they probably dont and are on canadian disability and welfarebux hahaha and then spend the money on booze and drugs and come out with one album of unintelligible “songs” every 15 years hahahaha.

kinda hard to believe that the orlando shooting has already gone out of the news cycle hehehe. like was the guy really a homo hehehe or was that all just speculation and rumors.

WOMEN ARE NATURAL BORN RELATIONSHIP DESTROYERS / QUICKLY AND COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN

#NotALLWomen hahahahahahahahaha

831

how could she do this to me?

either because she had no respect for me, or she didnt know how to deal with it, but probably some combination of both, and since i can never know, lets just say 50 50 on each.

but yeah being DUMPED like this leaves a lot of UNANSWERED QUESTIONS, or at least it feels like it does.

regardless off whether i shot jizz all over her face and up into every orifice and took 900000 pcitures of it all and made pornography of her, it was still A Significant Relationship in my life. Full Stop.

it is amazing that she either does not feel that way, or that she does not have opinions or something to say about the End of it, and that she utterly refuses to communicate them with me.

it doesnt matter if we didnt date, it was still an important relationship than Suddenly Ended. And it ended so suddenly because of her. I BEGGED her to End It Better. but noooooooooooooooooo.

when you have a significant important relationship and it suddenly ends, or ends at all, that ending has repercussions in your life!

it had devastating repercussions for me! what about for her?

i will never know. she will just complain to all her new friends and secs partners what a creepy weird guy i was, how i betrayed her, how she regrets ever meeting such a piece of shit, i am the worst person ever, now fook me please. slurrrrrrrrrrp adn take plenty of pictures of you fooking me and me sooking your coock hahahaha.

but thats her right! theres nothign wrong with that!

but yeah it was one of the most important Actual Relationships I Ever Had with a Woman. so yeah i am hurt now that its over.

It was a halfway decent relationship, that ended in the WORST POSSIBLE WAY.

when you have a decent relationship, you dont expect it to end in such a bad way. i mean there’s always the possibility that relationships END, but they dont have to end so BADLY.

i can barely take rels ending WELL, so when they end BADLY, its REALLY bad for me.

heck with me, when its GOOD its still bad.

SO, devastation. complete and utter.

also, i had a better relationship with her, than the gurls i actually “dated”. so in other words, by my standards, it was kinda like i dated her, or at least the PAIN would be more intense than with the girls i dated. and the pain was pretty damn intense there!

but here it is crippling, blinding, devastating.

completely disorienting, confusing, harrowing, turns the world upside down.

it shouldnt be happening but it is.  like reality slipping away from under your feet. nothing is real. only death is real hahahahaha and loss.

and this is kind of like a death. she has chosen to be dead to me, and for me to be dead to her, but we both well know that we are both alive.

this slut alex wilson on the weather channel. wonder how many cox she’s taken. at least 50 im sure. i would like to bang her. very attractive body. but women should not dress like that when they go to WORK, or on TV, and expect to be respected. they wear these Tight Dresses which show EVERY curve of their body. they think it looks Professional but it is fooking INDECENT. and yet i am the hateful and the weird one for saying that.

wawawawawaawaw i thought she was DIFFERENT than other women, but in the end she treated me in the horrible way that i associate with women, they reject you because you are not masculine enough, not sexy enough, too boring. well thats on YOU for being boring! well your male friends dont think youre boring.

ok finished second 2.8 mile walkjog, got my 5.6 miles for the day. probably better to do a full 6 miles eh, but 5.6 aint bad.

i try not to watch pornography because it is DEGENERATE. i try to avoid the damn degenerate. i should back that up by watching less TV.

also Mainstream Journalism and Media and News and Editorials promote Degeneracy.

took some nyquil at about 6 pm. it immediately hit and i was somewhat napping by like 730. going to go to bed now. might be viable alternative to benadryl every 3 days.

91

i have determined that you should give yourself SIXTEEN HOURS whenever you take something “Drowsy” like benadryl or nyquil.  for working stiffs, that means take it near the end of your shift, before you even leave work, and then hopefully it will have worn off by the time you arrive in for the beginning of your shift tomorrow.

for lazy lovelorn losers like us, it means we can turn down our worried minds for sixteen sweet hours!

so, a good relationship, that ended in a very bad way. that does not take away the goodness of the relationship, so those first two years werent down the drain. but its unfortunate, because that bad ending is gonna Taint (hahahahaha) everything. i guess it doesnt need to. but she didnt need to end it that way either!

it doesnt matter that she was pulling away from me and i was hanging by a thread for many months. that doesnt give her the right to treat me like that. just because she wanted out doesnt give her the right to treat me like that. she could have ended it better. i was treated unfairly wawawawawawawa hahahahaha.

she just didnt seem like the type of person who would End A Relationship in this way. otherwise i would have told her, when you inevitably lose interest in me and get bored with me and want to End The Relationship, do it With Some Communcation, and NOT with No Communication, hahahahahaha.

well to be fair, not that i need to be, she didnt “get bored with me” as much as she was Correctly Interpreting the Signals I was Sending, and the idea that I Liked Her turned her WAY Off.

because being liked by me is so offensive and horrifying hahahaha

no that is not the correct conclusion to draw. plenty of people including her had no problem being friends with me.

if you can make friends you can make rels too. even though there are important differences, such as Power And Control and using their Bodies as Pornography, hahahahahaha, there are important similarities, such as communication and mutual appreciation, mutual respect. ideally. but not always in real life. plenty of rels there is no mutual respect. how do those rels last for years but i cant get a rel to last more than 2 months?

well i can make a rel last 2 years or more when i dont get feels hahahaha.

but yeah she had communicated with me before on other big things, so i was shocked when she got so cold on me and refused to communicate with me at all about something that was big for both of us.

i will never trust a woman again hahahaha.

you wouldnt trust a dog not to eat a steak, why would you trust a WOMAN not to Destroy A Relationship?

Women Are Natural Born Relationship Destroyers!

it doesnt mean they are pieces of shit or will destroy everything. just the relationships you have with them hahahaha.

no thats a pretty big thing. its one thing for you not to leave a steak sitting in front of your dog. how can you NOT leave Your Mutual Relationship sitting out in front of the Woman you’re Sharing It With?

It’s hers too! Hers to destroy!

it makes a lot more sense for a dumb DOG to eat a juicy STEAK without his master actively telling him not to. it makes NO SENSE for a human being to ……

i mean the only conclusions are that Women are Evil, or Women are Not Human!

i dont like these conclusions!

no, its not ALL WOMEN, just one woman!

but that was so out of character for her!

but was it? yeah she would have Tried Moar if she had feelings for me, then she would have been contacting ME saying Please Respond, Please Communicate.

I don’t KNOW how she acted in previous situations where her Platonic Male Friends fell in luv with her. It’s possible this was the first time this happened to her and she totally froze up. I mean she WAS way less “experienced” than the average woman, who has Platonic Male Friends falling in luv with her every day, cuz she’s so GREAT.

well i liked this gurl because she didnt really seem to have many friends at ALL, no cadre of beta orbiters, not super social, did not want to go to bars or clubs or parties. which is a great quality in a woman hahahahaha because the more of those they go to, the more men they fook, the more pathetic beta orbiters they have, the more SOCIAL DRAMA they have.

she had her family and a very small number of friends and i LIKED that, a woman without 100000000 friends. a woman with less friends will have taken less cox and will take her relationships more seriously. maybe. until she throws them away like they were nothing hahahaa.

i mean these Social Women make friends and lose friends every damn week, every damn day. people revolve out, new people revolve in. makes you question the womans loyalty to those old friends. women who have literally new 1000 fb friends are like this. shit i see no reason to have more than 200 or 300 friends. HOW CAN YOU?

but yeah when “friends” are so seasonal and ephemeral, here one minute gone the next, it makes sense how they can be so interested in you for a few weeks or a few months, then its faded, then they’re onto the next shiny thing. it does not make you feel too good about your self though! to be so QUICKLY and COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN.

did a nice 2.8 miler in the warm weather, got some sun.

 

DUKE UNIV PR0N GURL IS SO EMPOWERED

tues march 11

thank GOD i don’t have to go into that horrible job today. thank GOD when I go back it will probably be chiller, less phone work, less weird questions. however I SHOULD be lloking for a new job during layoff time, because i wont want to when i ‘m working, and I DEFINITELY want to be out by january, when the s hits the fan every year, which made me want to quit earlier this year.

welp i went ahead and bought another piece of silver from Modern Coin Mart on Ebay, great prices, great service. I went above and beyond and bought my first Vanity Purchase, IE I spent Extra because I really really wanted the Perth Mint Koala round, because I have a hardon for Australia and especially Kute Kuddly Koalas, so a silver round with a huge Koala on it was a NO BRAINER.

But I SWEAR I will not buy any more silver for a WHILE, because I have no income coming in, and need to save my money for gambling, hahahahahahahahahaha.

this is also a How 2 Poker blog for people trying to become better playerz, like myself. trial and error, losing a bit of money in the process, hope to Right That Ship soon.

So lately I’ve been buying in at 4 dollars because it’s less extreme than My old buyin of 10. however I’m wondering if 5 or 6 might be an even better number. now I am trying 5. and I am thinking of playing 2 tables again now that i’m playing even more conservatively, ie, not raising preflop on great hands where you “should” raise preflop, and waiting for a good flop to build even more certainty. of course, that decreases your wins too, gives the others more incentive to get out.

but ideally you want an idiot to keep throwing money in when you have a 99% Sure Thing, making small bets, then he raises, then you reraise until he gets flustered and makes a huge bet.

progress report: ok i called the number. i got the person’s Receptionist, sounded like a very young part timer. explained my situation as best as I understood it, she transfered me to the persons voicemail, I left an extremely detailed message, and now I am waiting for the person to call me back. i know they get back at 2pm so i have been nervous ever since then. heh. i truly hate phones. i hate phones more than talking to people in person.

and this is way better than any ONE phone call i would take 20 times a day at the job!!!!!

well they did not call me back. i will call them again on wednesday then. jeez i hate the phone. my excuse now is, it didn’t matter if i sounded awkward on the phone at my job, there i already had the job and was getting paid to sound awkward. they were calling me so i could HELP them, awkward sounding or not. they needed me. But here, they don’t need me. they don’t HAVE to call me back. The best I can do is call back every day and hope to talk to the person directly, and awkwardly try to get a final answer out of them. which is not impossible!!

just say can i do this. YES OR NO.

besides, I actually was not NEARLY as awkward as I think. I would get all those positive surveys from my customers saying how awesome i was. NEVER FORGET.

march 12 wed

huge snowstorm. thank GOD i got laid off and don’t have to go to work. you would want to take a nap as soon as you got in after struggling thru the snow, but then still have to work an entire stressful shift, not knowing how you were gonna do it, praying to GOD for a miracle all day, wishing you could just be a janitor, praying for a layoff, hehehe.

Lemme just officially comment on this whole Belle Knox Duke Univ Porn Star Freshman Outed by Computer Science Frat Geek controversy: I am on his side, and not on her side. she is not empowering anyone. yes its not right that tuition should be so high. but being in Porn, esp Rough Violent Choking Facial Abuse Facef00king porn, is NOT more degrading than working minimum wage at walmart. A young naive gurl has been BAMBOOZLED by Cultural Marxism and in several years, no more than 10, she will pay the price, and rue the day.

also I wouldn’t mind being the guy in the vidya having rough sex with this very cute, very young girl.

so maybe many normal women have rough sex FANTASIES, just as many normal men have rough sex FANTASIES. Doesn’t mean its right to film yourself DOING these things.

Even the most Culturally Marxist Parents wouldn’t want their Enlightened Empowered Daughter doing this.

And how about not going to Duke? I am sure many fine Feminist Lawyers came from Washington State University. (she was from Wash state.) and Univ of Wash is a FINE skool.

I just HAD to watch the vidyas. REading the comments to the news stories, it seems like more people SUPPORT what she’s doing and think this young man is the worst person ever. and that ALL young girls should be as BRAVE as this girl. WATCH THE VIDEOS, I say. WATCH THE VIDEOS, like I did, and like the young man did.

NO, It doesn’t mean the girl or any girl deserves to be Raped or even Choked! Just that it’s stupid to film yourself doing this “fantasy” and then come out and try to say it’s not degrading, but empowering! NOPE.

But young girls are so gullible and naive they ACTUALLY BELIEVE this, and can end up throwing their lives away doing this or similar things. Like your wife who sent an alpha male a photo of her butthole when she was in college, yet she won’t even let YOU finger her butthole! The end.

Also it would be real fun to bang a cute 18 year old girl. lot cuter than 30 year old sea hagz. enough to give you heterosexual urges again. Yep I wouldn’t mind banging her, or even better, another 18 year old girl who is not a Pr0n star. Although with her I could be guaranteed to get Real Kinky. If you choke or facef00k or bukkake a girl on film, then it’s “Fantasy” or “KINK” and that’s ok!

DREAMZ ABOUT GRILLZ, SATISFICING, GOD IS WAY MORE IMPORTANT THAN GRILLZ

nov 27 wed

heh second day off in a row, starting to lose track of time. on muh thanksgiving vacation. ideally would do some chores today but it sez 14 degrees outside with wind chill.

had weird dream about i think she was Girl6. not really a weird dream, just a pretty normal dream, although she was giving me a hard time, and no action, cuddling, sitting on muh face, doggystyle, or otherwise. lesson here was she was treating me like a huge friendzone beta and complaining to me how some boy “totally legits me”, meaning totes creepy cray legit in luv with her, and she was maaad that she had to break his heart, why do boyz keep falling crazy in luv with me.

So I think I said something beta like I had become religious because I was praying so much for GOD to send me just one gurl who luved me. Although I said it in more of a grim way than a wah wah wah sort of way. still very beta. the alpha response would have been to say, “yep, i know that pain, all these grills are always in luv with me too, goin crazy & sh1t. I wish they just knew how to have fun without always falling in luv.” and then I would Kino her and bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang, and send her off to deal with the crazy boy, while I chillaxed poolside (or went to church), hahahaha.

dreamed I was in a College Dorm and people were depending on me to turn stuff in for them, put I still had 90000 stacked in a messy pile on my desk, shirking my responsibilities, and this time it would hurt other people too.

Anyway, always have college dreams, where I shirk and shirk, then things get out of control and I fail. not an unusual theme at all there.

then I was in The Urban Ghetto walking on the street in the middle of a sunny day, but I was still nervous I might be the victim of a robbery or kidnapping or Knockout Game by Urban Youths, in broad daylight. I saw two of them up ahead about one block and crossed the street. I was angry and scared that I “had to live” in such an unsafe neighborhood. Then I saw a big church coming up and stopped and looked at it to determine if it was my kind of church, and it was. Then I talked to a somewhat friendly nonviolent Old Man about becoming a New Member of the church.

And then I thought that was way better, ultimately, than being around Girl6, who despite having a Great 4ss that was so much fun to b4ng, she was a crazy and unpleasant person, and I’d much rather go to Church than hang out with her. But it was b4nging her fat young 4ss that was making things difficult for me, because THAT was more fun than going to Church. So I guess the solution is: bang her 4ss until I can’t no more, then kick her out and go to Church. Or simply announce I was Going To Church and that would be enough to scare her away.

Heh. It is kind of a disappointing feeling when you sort of want to J3rk Off, and then you try to think of a girl or girls, but none of them seems to be what you want. None of them is gonna get the job done. You could probably think about Girls1 thru 7, but that’s not recommended because of the Emotional Attachment. You just want a pretty young new girl. But all the girls you’ve seen recently aren’t doing it tonight. Yep, yer gonna have to fire up the computer and look at pr0n if you really want to j3rk off. then you decide that isn’t worth it, because you’re too tired, and probably just low libido right now anyway. that feel when, hahahahaha.

but overall the dream of girl6 stuck with me longer, was the bigger deal than not being able to think of a grill. I could have used girl6 to finish the job, but on principle that would be very bad, and I’m glad I did not.

Then I thought Yep I’m getting Way Too OLD for this sh1t, I will never have Feeeeeelings for a Grill ever again, there will never be a Girl8. If there were, she’d have to be super young (early twenties) and girls that age are not interested in Old Guys like me unless they have SUPER tight alpha game. Which I might have one day, but I’m still old and not quite there yet.

Then I thought, it’s really no big deal if there’s no Gurl8, I can live with that. But in that case, I would like to have a small Harem of 2 to 3 gurls ready to go at muh beck and call, for an unlimited supply of Sex for moi, at least, if not True Luv! Even 26 year olds, if they got a Great 4ss! Good Enough! Not PERFECT, Not IDEAL, but def GOOD ENOUGH, very live-with-able!!

Satisficing! And I’m not even lying. It would be NICE to have Gotten Married to Girls 4, 5, or 7 (Girls 1, 2, 3, and 6 were Bad Choices), but it’s merely a WANT and not a NEED, and, with sufficient Quality of Talent At my Beck and Call, I wouldn’t even think about that Want so much.

That is the lesson learned, and that’s the only reason I tell these embarrassing stories. to distill the Lesson Learned for You and Me.

That, and Religion/God is much more important than Young Tail.

That, and Girl6 is past her prime now in 2013. But when I first met her and fell in luv, she was in her prime. Wonder if I met her now, she would be just another past-her-prime grill that I say “nope not today” when trying to think of grills to j3rk-off to.

* Just discovered they have Apple Cider Vinegar Tablets. I am gonna try those and see how they work. But I’m not sure they’re “Organic” with the “Mother.” So does that mean it doesn’t work?

 

 

 

JUST PAY NORMAL 21YOQTS TO MAKE A PR0N WITH U

to be published fri oct 25th:

sat oct 19th

switched from games.com to pokerstars. Now I play Real People for Play Money. And after about 1 week of that, I seem to be KILLIN IT. Starting out at Babby’s First Tables and turning my maximum 200 chip buy in into 600, 800, 1000. In other words, quite easily reaching my “daily quota” of Winning 211 Chips. If not 400! (211 chips a day would be roughly equivalent to having a NonLoser, Bigboy, Upper Working Class, Bachelors Degree Career Job.)

The humans bet a lot more aggressively than the computers I play at Games.com. I am more aggressive than the computers, the humans are more aggressive than me, and I think this works out very well for me. The humans bet like Idiots, thus they lose, and I gain.

tues oct 22th

Decorate your Room with pictures and artwork and texts that inspire you and remind you of how awesome you are. If you’re a total f00kup loser, you’ll decorate your room with pictures of dead bodies and serial killers and grim skeletonz and grim reaperz and nazis and death camps and torture chamberz and pictures of suicides and paint the walls black, and weird satanic and occult sh1t and Silent Hill and Marilyn Manzonz. . DON’T do this. You can have SOME weird stuff, like maybe a picture of your favourite black metal musician dressed up in black metal cosplay, but nothing too weird. Have pictures of people who inspire you, like Bill Gates or your favorite Teacher, or your FAMILY. I am also a big fan of putting inspirational words and texts and poems and phrases on the wall. Maybe stuff from your Journal, or This Blog, or other helpful blogs. Protips 4 Winning At Life staring at you as you wake up and go to bed, embedding their good lessons into your brain subconsciously. OH YEAH.

Quotes from Leaders like John Maxwell and Peter Drucker and Anthony Robbins and Matt Foley and Me, hahahaha.

Another thing: It would be worthwhile to have an actual DESK in your room, that you can do Homework and Studying and Paperwork and Reading and Computing, rather than using your Computer In Bed. A Mini Home Office if you will. Doesn’t need to be a HUGE desk.

I have a pretty big nice desk in the BASEMENT, but I refuse to go in the basement because it’s dungeony and fluorescent lighted and no outside light. Human Beings Need Natural, Outdoor Sunlight that can only come in through WINDOWS. Better to have a smaller desk by a WINDOW, than a Nice Big Desk in a Fluorescent Basement.

Experts Say you should not have your Home Office in your Bedroom, you should never do work in your bedroom, or watch TV, your bedroom should only be for Sleep and SECHS (now that’s decadent!!!), but I will grant a pass for having a small home office/desk in your room. Noting that your walls and room are decorated with fun, positive, inspirational, awesome things. And you don’t have to spend a lot of money to do so. Just print the pictures out on the printer at your underjob. Maybe save some money to print the top 10% of pictures in color.

I was reading a bunch of articles at lifehacks.org. it was really corny and cheesy, but I think if you sincerely follow that advice, you would be a HealthyHappyNormalfag(™). It seemed really girly and normalfag, I thought it was supposed to be kinda nerdy and dorky. Or maybe that’s ifehackER. or am I just making that up??

Maybe put an ad on Craigslist saying you are looking for Grills to Make a P0rn. That way you might get “normal”, “non-hooker” girls who think they’re not Crossing The Prostitute Rubicon (but of course they are.) Like the cute little 18yos you see at Skool, you could never pay them outright for S, however the EASY WORKAROUND there is simply to pay them for making a P0RN with you. Might have to pay a LITTLE more, but for Fresh, Clean, Young, Normal girls, it’s well worth it. Note: you do NOT have to actually release the P0rn, because it’s VERY understandable you wouldn’t want the whole world to see your body. However you could still put videos of the girl, with yourself edited out, on the internet. She’s EXPECTING you to! She’s consenting to Make A P0rn Video for the Internet that the whole world can see! In a way, that’s almost WORSE than one act of nonfilmed sex-for-cash!

FEAR THE HAMSTER! This is why I don’t get married to Women, and why you shouldn’t either.
And a judge can even Throw Out a Prenup, so a Prenup is no guarantee either! He can just say Nope Don’t Care, and then you have NO legal defense!

Since you’re approaching late twenties or early thirties, it’s entirely possible some of your frandz, if you are lucky enough to have any, will be having CHILLENZ pretty soon. If they do, then offer to come hang out with the baby and entertain the baby and be the Babby’s Cool Uncle. Mainly this is towards the end of having You just act like a Silly Retard, making silly faces and noises and amusing the infant. Being around for an hour for the fun stuff, and then leave the parents for the not fun stuff. So you can experience the innocence and curiosity and freshness of Pure Youth, back before the Big Bad World F00ks You Up, and you look at everything from a Pure Natural, Positive, Neverdepressed Perspective. You think everything is awesome, not that everything sucks! Sure you cry and get upset once in a while but usually get over that in a few minutes with the comfort of their Mummy or Daddy. Unless Mummy or Daddy are savages and abuse the poor innocent infant.

Know that like 49% of students who graduate MIT at like age 21 or 22…..are VIRGINS. I read that on an infographic on Lifehacks. The more Elite High-IQ the university, the less Sexually Active the Students! Cause they’re Awkward Men who do nothing but Study and Internships and don’t know how to Talk To Grillz! But damn if they aren’t huge winners for the rest of their lives, making 300k a year starting at age 21! You’d be a 21 year old virgin ALL DAY for THAT sweet tradeoff!

The real sad cases are the nerd sperg Neet Virgins who DON’T go to MIT, but drop out of Community College and live in the basement the rest of their pathetic lives.
Find some Chill Music you can listen to. For example, listening to Rocking Metal while I’m doing Homework makes it hard to focus, while Classical or Choir music is much better. or Jazz. Recently I discovered Trip Hop is also decent for this. Specifically Massive Attack. It’s hard to find something that is chill yet still has a beat yet is not so driving that it makes you want to move your body, but rather move your Mind and Get Mental WORK done, when all you want to do is Smoke w33d, bang 26yo’s Reverse Cowgirl Style,, eat General Chowz Chicken, Drink Code Red, Watch a Movie or Show, Play Cards, Smoke W33d some more, and Go To Sleep.