THE C0CK LADDER

feb 28

huge amazon aws s3 outage today which “broke the internet” hahaha.

today i learned that john mctiernan, who directed such classics as DIE HARD, hunt for red october, and predator, was in federal prison in 2013-14 for some kind of wire tap charge

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_McTiernan

he got out and is still alive but hasnt made a movie since 2003’s Basic, which i did not see. but i was just thinking about what a great movie die hard is and i totally forgot mctiernan also did the great hunt for red october, also a great movie, really knows how to make a good thriller, action, suspense story with good story and characters, and i should try to make an effort to watch more of his films, he does this very well. he also did last action hero, which i thoroughly enjoyed.

also die hard with a vengeance. that was good and he did that. but not 2, 4, or 5. have not seen 4 or 5. maybe i should. well, i saw part of 2 and it seemed ok.

ideally would have a nice waifu to cuddle with and watch die hard, and that i feel about her on a level comparable to how i felt about That Woman, and that This New Woman would have some sort of feelings for me and want to make an effort to cuddle with me and watch die hard more than she’d rather be out “hanging out” ie fooking and sucking and sexting other guys. especially black guys hahahaha.

have you ever had a woman you LUVED reject you harshly but NOT reject black guys? she loves and makes an effort with black guys but cant lift a finger for you. i can tell you getting RACECUCKED like that is never fun. adds insult to injury. its bad enough that they would rather be with other men than you, period, and when its a black or nonwhite guy, but esp black, it feels even worse.

not that i hate black people. i get along very well with this middle aged black woman i see several times a week, and she is pretty damn black. like super black acting. talks with super ebonics like she grew up super poor in the hood. i am sort of curious if she has any keeds dead or in jail. i guess she has a husband which is kinda surprising. well good for them, families are good for blacks as well as whites. families are good for ALL races.

took 2 benedryl today, trying to “self soothe” before bed by NOT watching news. watching news gets me hyped up and not really relaxed. also ive decided its pointless to try to go to bed at 7 because im not even near tired at that time. might as well go to bed at 9 and play some more cards and try to calm self down.

today came home, took first benedryl around 3 o clock, by 4 o clock i was dead tired and couldnt even keep my eyes open. wish i felt like that at 7 or 8! i actually took a powernap for like 30 or 45 minutes. woke up like 515, took another benedryl, played some more cards, of course wish i had some mj but oh well. maybe i should buy some on a dark market hahahahahahaha. no i wouldnt do that. its illegal and i dont condone illegal activities. plus id be way too paranoid and scared. as i should be.

but yeah, its KEY to CALM YOURSELF before going to bed like fatherland jim said, youd think kids would learn this naturally, but many dont. i certainly never did. i later turned to terrible things like alcohol, MJ, and porn to help “self soothe”.  all these are bad with MJ being the least bad. but yes porn. oh. watch 10 minutes and crank one out to GET READY FOR BED, cant SLEEP, cant clear your mind untill youve CRANKED ONE OUT.

well its still not a terrible thing to do…….just dont use PORN to do it. stop watching porn. dont necessarily have to stop jerking off. but porn makes you want to jerk off TO porn EVERY DAY. and this is just TERRIBLE.

STOP WATCHING PORN. this is so much more important than “nofap.” do noporn instead.

MARCH 1

wewlad am i thankful i am not thinking about that woman NEARLY as much as i did even 6 or 7 months ago. 7 short months ago i was thinking about her like 2 hours a day. now i barely think about her for a minute a day. it takes a LONG TIME (1 year and 7 months) but time eventually DOES heal all wounds. now if i saw her again right now, shit yeah that would suck. because you would ALWAYS take them back. i’d probably take her back 5 years from now when she is either a huge winner or a huge loser.

but yeah this new job even though its nothing to be proud of as a man…..is still a giant leap forward from being a horrible neet. i dont have terrible dread and anixety of HOW AM I GONNA SURVIVE THIS DAY? every single day. what am i gonna say to these people, how am i gonna fix or pretend to fix or pass the buck on these complicated problems i dont understand? how come that dumb woman can handle this so much better than i can? how come she wont hang out with me any more? and the only saving grace was the MJ i was able to get from her. she was willing to do that at least. i guess that is how she showed her willingness to do something for me, that she was too immature to express in a better way. i would have much rather just hung out with her and had an honest conversation rather than have her get MJ for me.

this is what happens when fathers abandon their daughters. its TRAGIC. if by some MIRACLE they dont turn into huge sluts, and most of them do, then they will be like scared children in other ways, and will hurt you in ways they don’t even intend to.

heh. believe me. i knew about her father situation from the very beginning so i assumed she WAS a crazy slut. and then i got to know her better and found out she was surprisingly well adjusted for a gurl wihtout a father!

takeaway is that if she did have a good father, she probably wouldnt have handled the thing with me the way she did, which was not at all hahahaha.  her having a father would have helped ME quite a bit. and would have helped HER immensely. CHILDREN NEED GOOD FATHERS. PERIOD.

i dont even hate her, i totally understand why she essentially shit the bed here, i kinda did too. it was devastating, i was very very upset, i thought about it a super lot for a very long time, i didnt come to any big conclusions other than what i already knew: in tough stressful situations, people CHOKE. good people choke and can really let other people down even when they dont INTEND to. esp when there is luv on the line hahaha. i mean the lesson i learned is, blurt that shit out immediately. dont wait a couple months. just blurt it out and send them a text if they dont want to hang out with you. if they dont want to hang out with you, chances are they picked up on your feelings and just want to ignore and avoid it because its weird for them. you’ll probably still want to tell them. so tell them, rip the bandaid off, and move on with your lives. take 1.7 years of no contact to get over it. the end. very simple hahahaha.

here we go, nice 2 hour show, rock in rio, 2001, decent sound, another rio show has terrible sound. crowd is much more high energy than german crowd in rock am ring.

oh god now im just getting creepy af. i am stalking my work colleagues daughters who are in their 20s and very successful with graduate degrees and great careers making lots of money and establishing themselves very well before age 28, never fooking up, working hard and reaping the rewards. i saw a picture of the older daughter and her husband and i was like, holy shit i think i know that guy. he looks a lot like the brother of an old friend i dont really talk to anymore but his whole fookin family is great great great (and hwyte) people.  very principled and ethical and kind and moral and exactly the type of people that should be having many many many hwyte children. it would be nice for me to contact the older brother i knew. he already has several beautiful hwyte children. so i stalked the younger brother knowing his name of course. only can find 2 public pictures of him with his wife, who is not unattractive hahaha. anyway the younger brother is also a good guy, but a little more on the intellectual side. still a great guy. whole family is AWESOME, no fookups there. even though the older one, well we used to drink a lot hahaha. and he turned out just fine too.

somehow i found out the daughters name and looked up both their names together. i was looking for a wedding announcement but couldnt find. felt creepy stalking this work womans daughter. a successful, attractive professional. she has several children who both quickly got valuable graduate degrees and making like 70k a year by age 26. now she is a very nice good woman and i dont doubt her children and family are the same, i am just a little envious of young people who have their SHIT TOGETHER so well.

now im trying to think of a way to ask the woman, hey is your daughter married to so and so? because how do i explain that one. the impetus was i was watching this 1 minute biography video my colleague did where she had 2 seconds with a photo of her daughter and her husband. kind of a blurry picture. naturally i paused it to gawk at her daughters and the men they chose. and the one guy looked immediately familiar even though its blurry.

now i havent had a great record with blurry pictures. like 3 days ago i looked at a blurry picture of 60 people trying to find that Woman and saw a woman that Kinda Looked like that woman. however that picture was a lot blurrier than this one, so i can say with MUCH more confidence that this man is actually who i think it is.

now he’s a great guy so i have no doubt the daughter chose wisely. but i wasnt nearly as close with this guy as i was with his brother. his brother would just come around and hang out with us sometimes but not all the time. i mean he had his own healthy social and work and school life too.

so basically a SMALL WORLD story here, you see those all the time, but I personally don’t, so its pretty interesting to me.

if i were friends with the guy on facebook, i could easily see pictures of him with his wife and find out more about his wife, and confirm it is the daughter. but i wasnt fb friends with him and i havent even been on fb in 2 years hahahaha.

but yeah. i wish i were more like ANY of these people. those men, or the woman’s daughters. hard working, motivated, persistent, high achieving, making good money in good careers by age 26, having happy lives, happily married, having children.

funny, these daughters are successful high powered highly educated career women, as is the mother, but like the mother, i imagine that they ALSO want to have a husband and children and are not interested in the CC, or, to coin a term, the Cock LADDER. they want the career AND the family, but they aren’t indecently, hypergamously dumping husbands and trying to climb the cock ladder the way they are trying to climb the career ladder.

shit they’re already at the top of the career ladder by age 30.

but the mother has been married for like 30 years, married only once as far as i know, and i feel her good values rubbed off on her daughters. successful educated career women who, despite that, STILL get married pretty young and start having BABIES young. wow. it DOES happen folks, despite all the black pilling we hear about childless cat ladies.

ok, maybe the daughter should have started having children before age 30, shit i dont even know how old she is, i know how old the supposed husband is. basically my age hahahaha. well i think hes a wee bit older. not much though. he’s at a very age-appropriate level of his career. doesnt have the same credentials and prob makes less than she does, but he is prob about equally as ambitious and hard working. he got a useless degree like me but through busting his ass and persistence and confidence, he still made something of himself. having a qt low number gf-then-waifu probably didnt hurt his confidence hahaha. but he prob already had established himself a bit by the time he met her, to pull a Confident Ambitious Career Woman like that. which is always a big risk, but, like i say, I think this girl was raised properly.

its just weird to see ambitious, successful, actually COMPETENT and smart career women, who are ALSO interested in babies and family and not fooking over their husbands and children, and in being good wives and mothers. it can be done. also a good example that Not All Women Are Like That hahaha. if i were a mgtow pvssy i would be totally hemming and hawing like a J about all this hahaha.

818 on a Work Night. not going to bed at 7pm, but around 9pm. trying to relax and calm my mind now by writing, playing some cards, and NOT watching the news. just watching some police procedural show with the volume turned down very low. listened to some maiden earlier but doing so now would just get me too pumped up before bed.

george lincoln rockwell. i should listen and read more to him. ive listened to a few speeches and interviews and liked them. i just keep forgetting about him.

this one is prob pretty good hahahaha. not confirmed. i can confirm he was a great speaker, was very J wise, and wow people are applauding him at UCLA in 1967. well i guess things didnt start getting really J’d until 1968. well how did he feel about vietnam hehehe. ok sounds like he was against it. but not because he luved commies and hated americans.

i know that he hated commies and traitors, and his wife left him for his beliefs, the navy took away his pension for his beliefs, and he was assassinated at too young of an age by antifa.

holy shit, very good speaker. shit you cant even get richard spencer at UCLA or Brown like Rockwell was. not bashing Spencer. just saying he is a WEE BIT lower energy than Rockwell, and that universities have gotten even worse on Freeze Peach.

so yeah his stuff is just as relevant now as it was then. really should spend money to get his books.

well isnt it principled of an official UCLA youtube channel to post the GLR speech at UCLA hahahaha. im sure they say its so people can have a record of this foaming venomous HATE, a chilling reminder etc, like how people talk about triumph of the will. a chilling reminder hehehe.

fook that shit i watch it for fun and good feels and inspiration hahahaha.

ok i guess he was killed by a disgruntled member of his party. probably a fed hahahahahahaha.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Margr%C3%A9t_%C3%9E%C3%B3ra_Hallgr%C3%ADmsson

holy shit his wife is still alive and they had 3 children. begs the question haahahha.

hope GLR was a good father to them. i know Dr Pierce was not a great father to his children and thats the one thing I dont like about Pierce.

now the ANP never really went anywhere and i dont know. maybe the time wasnt right. but stuff like DS and TRS are much much more relevant and valuable and powerful. better optics, better people hehehe. but GLR was a total top goy. we can all learn something from this wise and courageous man.  and war hero.

really hankering for another public appearance by some good goys, like what spencer did at TAMU like 3 months ago. we need shit like that EVERY DAY, not every few MONTHS. i think spencers planning something though. i hope.

would be nice to have a nice low number gf to cuddle and listen to GLR speeches for hours. watch die hard. watch triumph of the will. knowing that she liked hanging out with me more than with tons of other guys.

 

 

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DISAVOW MGTOW

feb 27

listen to this man if you dont want to listen to me hahahahaha.

this is a great meme which i think originated on varg’s channel, but not sure if he has a longer video where he actually discusses the topic. i mean its self explanatory but its just nice to hear it mansplained over and over again by as many wise men as possible.

LETS FIND OUT hahahaha

searched “porn” on his channel and only got this video. wouldnt mind a nice 10 minute speech on the topic. ill never get tired of talking about it myself. not that im obsessed with porn! more like obsessed with talking about how awful and jooish it is. and not being im obsessed with the temptation to watch it, the monkey on my back. i’m really not folks. tbh. i might get on the slippery slope like once a year. but i have no real desire to watch it. prob because i am so damn aware of how horrible and awful and degen and jooish it is. you want to understand the JQ, then think about PORN and why it is so awful. that is the JQ in a nutshell. that is them doing what they do “best.”

listen to this wise man too. he’s always been a good honest real talker and charming, and this is increased when he’s doing vidyas. he is really good at this. shows the difference between just talking without you face…..and talking with your face. he is great at both. but with the face is even better. i am certainly not ready for that, but would like to do faceless talking. so yeah i trust him and i damn like him, have a damn cult of personality fanboyism around old sven. ive gotten over the enoch joowife thing, but shit if mike did a few videos like THIS, that would be awesome. this is exactly what im looking for.

as far as what he says about autopilot, well im glad he was able to succeed on autopilot. i went on autopilot too and i crashed and burned or at least stalled completely and is why i am a huge wifeless childless successless loser today. i sorta thought i COULD go on autopilot and get a job making 25k a year. i was wrong. maybe this is the measure of a total NORMIE CHAD – that you can be on autopilot and STILL have a job, wife, and children like sven. when i went on autopilot around age 18, that was the beginning of the end for me. CHECK YOUR NORMIE PRIVILEGE NONNEVERGF SVEN!!!!! hahahaha.

but yeah sven comes across as more trustworthy and likable than mike because of stuff like this. but mike just had his LIFE RUINED. but i hope he starts “facef4gging” too at some point in the future. im just saying sven has a GREAT PERSONALITY in general. no wonder he was able to get a job and wife and kids while on autopilot, his autopilot is CHARMING AF. the absolutely antiautist.

just blatantly copy svens whole personality until you start getting some success and confidence. i dont think he’d mind hahaha. especially if it helps make more hwytes.

varg got at a good thing in a recent video, you dont have to be rich to have children. you can be dirt poor and have 6 children like him. he says he plans to have MORE. i was like hell yeah. i mean really 3 is enough. i worry that he might be a deadbeat to his 21 year old daughter but i dont expect him to tell the full story about that. i’d wager he’s a good father to his 5 young children.

but yeah basically its a J lie that you need to be rich to have a child. oh, im not ready, im not making enough money to support a child. some whites come forward and say hey im pretty poor and we have 3 children. we live within our means, we dont have cable, we buy used clothes, we dont live in the city, we get a surprising amount of welfare from even the US.

so basically i should just have a child right now and then that might motivate me to at least work hard and make 28k a year. or fail at that, be a deadbeat dad, and K muh self out of well-deserved SHAME.

live in a hwyte pride single wide in the boondocks, make muh 28k a year, wife stays home and homeschools kids, at least 3 of them, no more than 2 years apart, so they can socialize with each other. thats the other bad thing about schools is that kids get closer to possibly deadbeat friends that to their own families. SCHOOLS BREAK FAMILIES APART.

argument: your kids will be weird and antisocial and not know how to talk to people.

REBUTTED: they will make friends with their siblings and also as part of the homeschooling, the mother would have them meet other (extremely vetted) people of all ages. old and young. meet with other homeschool families. pool the resources and homeschool them together.

if you have your own business, you could have the kids come work with you and learn useful shit.

you can tell i just listened to greg johnson’s feb 2017 talk with kievsky hahahaha:

http://www dot counter-currents dot com/2017/02/recolonizing-america/

(they do trackbacks and even though I agree with CC 100%, I just dont want trackbacks to this blog atm)

both topkek goys. kievsky has been pushing these ideas for years and really has been quite influential on my own ideas. they are largely his hehehehe. except im not as hot on convenience stores and laundries necessarily. but owning your own business in general, fook yeah.

hmmm looks like greg and hunter wallace are not feuding any more. well thats nice. very rarely do i see people reconciling after past drama. that is great.

jimmy kimmel. thanks trump, becuase last year we were just saying the oscars were racist, and now we have a RACIST PRESIDENT OMG good god what a fooking disgusting show of jooery. i watched it for literally no more than 10 seconds then said wtf am i doing, then turned off and watched 5 minutes of forensic files and went to bed. i used to be a huge movie buff. i still have it in me, wouldnt mind watching some good movies, would even sign up for netflix to get them. back in like 2012 and previous i would go to the theatre all the time, 2 times a week, just for fun. i guess that was kinda fun and i should try to see a few movies a year at matinee price if i can. i mean i dont think all movies are inherently bad. i spent a lot of time watching and enjoying movies. kinda sad that I got away from that. but i have little desire to see any of the oscar diversity shit movies.

apparently dave chappelle has a small role in “con air” hehehe. i never actually saw this movie but it looks pretty watchable.

if you have any disagreement with a leftist they WILL call you a RACIST. maybe this redpilled me somewhat. noticing that their default, fallback, last ditch argument is ALWAYS: youre a terrible RACIST.

and then i kept going and discovered that being a RACIST wasnt really such a HORRIBLE thing. to these leftists its the WORST THING EVER. LITERALLY HITLER.

but i dont think its really so bad at all! i dont expect normies to agree with THAT, but i think normies can be reached by pointing out, hey, you see how these pigs always think everyone is RACIST? is it REALLY? what does RACIST mean to you, vs what does it mean to THEM?

but i also dont think its great when the whites get DEFENSIVE and say no youre wrong, im not a racist, i have friends of all races. cuz then they are agreeing with the leftists that being a racist is the worst thing ever, and that you are taking their BULLSHIT seriously.

hehehe you can have friends of diff races and still be a racist and ITS ALL GOOD. i mean HOW GOOD of friends are you with them anyway? is your BEST FRIEND a diff race? PROBABLY NOT.

i know/knew 1 or 2 good joos who i wouldn’t put in the oven. but i would still say, hey, we can still keep in touch, but you need to be with your people. as a good joo you could make your race better. the joos need more good joos like you. so go to israel and lead them.

ive never been super duper besties with a person of a diff race. well i was in luv with 2 jooish gurls, wanted to date them and have traditional rels with them, but i got over it and im glad i did. dodged a bullet there. plus those women had no interest in making an effort to be a Good GF to me, they wanted nothing of the sort. maybe if they were in luv with me and made a solid effort…..i might be softer on da joos now. but they certainly didnt CAUSE me to be so anti J ish. when i think of bad J’s i don’t think of THEM. shit them being flaky modern slutty WOMEN was even WORSE than them being J’s.

i had a kinda good friend who was a brown nonarab muslim. he was a huge leftist who was rebelling …. ya know i’m not even sure his parents were muslim. i think they were, but they didnt disown him for being not at all religious. or maybe he kept it secret from them. see i didnt really know him that well i guess. he was a huge leftist and was the first superleftist i ever met. well no thats not true. i believe he was at heart a decent guy and i wish him well. i think he became a successful attorney banging white gurls. i still wish him well but i wish he would not bang white gurls. i lost touch with him fairly quickly. not because he was a shitty guy, but i guess we werent really super besties with long lasting mutual mancrushes on each other.

and thats about it. maybe i would let like 5 nonwhites stay in my hwyte homeland, but i imagine at that point, theyd WANT to be with their families and realize they would be happier in their ethnic homeland.

i wuldnt have a big problem sending them back in other words. give them leadership positions in their countries. they’re not bad people.

and probably yes this is all easier to say because as of right NOW, no i DONT have any friends who are nonwhite. i barely have any friends period hahahaha. i have a few acquaintances and they are all white and im fine with that. i am more bothered by the idea of having just acquaintances and no real close friends. but it doesnt KILL me the way it did when i was young, like 20 years old and would feel SOUL CRUSHING LONELINESS. I dont really feel THAT lonely anymore. except when i think of That Woman, how i felt really close to her, and that closeness I was missing, it took her to make me realize i was even MISSING it. so it was esp brutal when she left. i guess some of that loneliness came back but it was more brutal savage heartbreak than loneliness if that makes any sense.

and again thankful to be past all that, or at least 88% hehehe.

but yeah. its hard to say i would have become such huge racist if i had some super close nonwhite friends. but you know what it REALLY doesnt bother me. im MUCH more bothered with being a loser who isnt TOUGH enough to WORK and ACHIEVE anything in life. shit being a racist has been a pretty big POSITIVE in my life, hahahaha.  I LIKE being a racist.

con air, hahaha this looks pretty good. i mean its no die hard or robocop but its nick cage at his 85% best. 100% best being leaving las vegas of course. raising arizona is way up there too. weatherman and the rock were also good. stick con air on that tier.  where the hell has he been lately. he was making super shitty movies up until about 3 years ago. i think he went bankrupt because of a bitch ex wife. damn.

dont know if i fully buy steve buscemi as a hannibal lecter type, but he seems funny, i’ll allow it

getting deep varg hehehe. i mean i think has gotten to the next level with his video making, which i dont think he ever got to with his blog or his writings. he is reaching more people and becoming better and more persuasive.  he’s a decent writer but he’s found he can be even more effective with simple talking videos, and he’s been working on this and just getting better and better at it the pat couple years. he’s on a great path and its good to see him on that path. its MUCH MUCH MUCH better than making boring synth albums or writing a blog 1000 people read. but rather making great, moving, persuasive, awesome videos that 100000 people watch and comment on eagerly. there is a new generation of kids that dont even know about burzum, they are here because they are down iwth the 14 words. this is WAY better than the old farts who are only there because they are BOORTZUM fanbois and dont understand the 14w or what varg is really saying.

im in an interesting venn diagram there, as i am an old fart burzum fanboi, but i also agree with varg’s 14 words stuff 88% hahahaha. again, so glad he’s recognized his own talent in making these videos and he spends more time on them than boring music. he’s said as much. i dont really want to play guitar that much, i know i have MUCH MORE IMPORTANT WORK TO DO. and this is it.

now, he’s made at least two of the best black metal albums of ALL TIME, and thats nothing to sneeze at. its no surpirse he has fanbois. believe it. hvis lyset tar oss, filosofem, and to a somewhat lesser degree debut have stood the test of time and will continue to. but i dont think he’s gonna top those, he doesn’t think he’s gonna top those, and he knows he has much more important work to do now that he’s a old fart hahahaha. and i’d so happy he chooses to do this work, than spend his time making boring albums. hey “belus” is actually pretty good. “fallen” has some good songs too. he started losing me on “umskiptar.”

only way this could be better is if he starts including his wife and children more in his videos. i think he might, he’s been showing his kids a little more bit by bit. showing off his new baby. and i can understand wanting to keep your family private. but i also understand wanting to show off your beautiful white family that you are so proud of.

ideally i want a video with varg and marie talking together about The Ideal relationship between a man and woman, husband and wife, and how they raise their children. i dont think marie speaks very good english though. well she writes pretty good english, so i say give it a try.

heh. the mgtow turd flinging monkey did a response to varg’s anti-mgtow video and comments were full of anti-varg mgtow pvssies. really made me thankful i have Disavowed MGTOW. these people will NEVER get it. varg has not made a response back, not that he needs to.

i have sympathy for mgtows because i KNOW how bad women are, believe me. i WAS a mgtow. but you cant stay stuck in that rut. the women are not the issue dude hahahaha.

now that i have been away from mgtow for a few years and more into the race and 14w stuff, it just makes it even more clear that i made the right choice. i dont want to be in that SAD world of woman-hate. shit i got ENOUGH woman-hate as it is. but i know its not their fault. theyre just animals doing what they’ve been conditioned to do hehehe. by you know who. and no fathers and single mothers. which id argue is a bullshit family structure that is intentionally PUSHED by you know who because they damn well KNOW how powerful of a weapon the destruction of the FAMILY is to the goyim. destroy the FAMILIES, destroy the WOMEN, and then the men will fall too, becoming weak omega phaggot suicidal self destructive cucks with nothing to live for. Sad! but it doesnt have to be that way. really meditate on those 14 holy words and you’ll start to see it doesnt have to be that way.

 

THE PERFIDIOUS MVRDERERS OF CHR1ST

feb 4

not super productive today, just listening to winterfylleth and drinking bulletproof coffee hehehe. but i did kinda sort figure out how to GPG/PGP encrypt and decrypt messages, so that is good.  you basically need a gpg program like gpg win to do all the work.

i was confused because i was like, well, if people share their public key, cant you just take the encrypted message and decrypt it? with the public key? this was a major misunderstanding on my part. PUBLIC KEYS CANNOT DECRYPT SHIT. they can ENcrypt your message TO that public key. but theoretically the owner of the public key has to input his secret password to then decrypt the message. now i guess if the feds got THAT password, yeah youre fooked.

i just hope the shit isnt stored in The Cloud somewhere. but what if your computer dies, and you get a new computer, and want to prove that you own this public key. because each public key is paired with a private key that i think resides on your computer, and you need the password to get at. so im saying, what if your computer dies? where is that private key stored?

https://gpgtools.tenderapp.com/kb/gpg-keychain-faq/backup-or-transfer-your-keys

other people have thought of this situation and you can backup your keys like so. well this is for the mac program.

well me thinking of this situation means i am not a total idiot, and that i grasp the concept ok. because it seems that storing the private shit out In The Cloud would be a yuge security weakness. i mean YOU need to have ultimate control over YOUR key- not google, not gmail, not yahoo, not microsoft. otherwise we would just trust google to encrypt our emails. then the feds could just subpeona google and be like decrypt these. same as if they subpeonaed them and said give us ufmll’s emails hahahaha.

big technical knowledge. this is why i make the big bucks of 13 grand a year hahahaha.

great new podcast. yeah i linked their 2nd episode too hahaha. its all good.

on this episode azzmador and ken have on matthew heimbach and emily youcis. great guests! terrific!

https://www.marijuana-anonymous.org/

hehe i need to go to meetings. even though i havent done MJ in 5 months.

https://www.marijuana-anonymous.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=1456

they have a forum thankfully….but it is not super active

https://www.marijuana-anonymous.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=1244

Touching Story of a man who is counting the days “sober” and is really struggling. hope he doesnt fall off the wagon. he hasnt quite described what made him actually WANT to quit. me, i wouldnt want to quit. shit. i havent used in 5 months and i still think about using it every day!!!!! i just cant GET any, which is not this guys problem, as where he lives, there are retail stores where you can just walk in and buy MJ. probably WA or CO. is it like this in oregon? as of october 2016, yes hehehe

but nice and heartwarming to see this supportive community who genuinely want to help each other out.

super bowl. more like j00per bowl. gayper bowl. the ultimate in prolefeed and goyfeed manufactured by the scheming schlomo. no thanks schlomo. get the fook out.

yesterday took a valium and 2 benedryl. i expected to fall asleep into a 12-14 hour coma but had a pretty normal 8-9 hour sleep. and i am the type of person who NEEDS 9 hours of sleep every night. but sometimes i like the idea of sleeping for 12 to 14 hours. recreational sleep hahahaha. and when i get the time to do it and cant do its kinda annoying hahahaha. like wanting MJ but not being able to get it.

but i just remembered that i could try to claim “nausea” as my qualifying condition, if i didnt think i could fake “chronic pain” which is by far the most common reason for medical MJ. because its a bunch of hwyte working class people that break their bodies with construction jobs and have legit broken backs, so half of em get into opiates and half of em get medical MJ. cuz of their very physical JOBS which have RUINED their bodies permanently and given them permanent, chronic, severe PAIN.

i would rather do MJ than try to bang sluts.

was also semi tempted to looked at porn but i did not and im pretty sure i wont, i mean i dont want to throw a year down the toilet haha. i guess i just wanted to be Aroused and to find a women secsually attractive and to get as close as i could to having Recreational Secs. I always wanted to enjoy secs just like all the other people out there banging like rabbits, so i was kinda jelly of that. and porn was the closest substitute i had. look at this vulgar, disgusting jooish perversion of secs and jerk off to THAT. thats the closest youre going to get to secs.

bipolar sluts is a step up from that. shit full blown HOOKERS are a step up from that. even goddam STRIP CLUBS. and I HATE strip clubs. and i am thankful i came to view porn with the same UTTER REVULSION that i view strip clubs. because really, porn is WORSE. its pretty much the WORST THING EVER. it is total JOOISH CANCER.

but today i was thinking of excuses. like what if i were to look at young gurls in bathing suits. or amateur stuff. that’s not made by jooish pornographers, its home made by normie people!

this stuff is almost as bad, it shows how normies have gotten POISONED BY PORN, that they think porn is so fun, that they want to MAKE IT THEMSELVES. they enjoy consuming it so much, they want to MAKE it. it turns normie people into PORNOGRAPHERS. and we can all agree its even worse to be a producer than a mere consumer. being a consumer is bad enough.

anyway i dont want to look at okcupid for women to date/casual secs hehehehe. i will just end up comparing them to that woman. well maybe not. but i will eventually SEE that woman on okcupid because i can totally see myself looking at every woman on okcupid in a 50 mile radius, and i know she’s on there. well, she was like a year ago.

shit i dont even know if shes alive. maybe she became a heroin addict and died of an OD hahahahaha. no its not funny. she hated hard drugs but what if she was pushed to it?

how is using a vpn different than using TOR? which is “safer?”

http://security.stackexchange.com/questions/72679/differences-between-using-tor-browser-and-vpn

read and understand.

ok i still dont understand. explain like im 5 hahahaha. now i have to be the vpn vs tor SME and explain to a paying customer why our vpn company cant fix their broken vpn, thats not a bug thats a feature.

https://www.deepdotweb.com/jolly-rogers-security-guide-for-beginners/combining-tor-with-a-vpn/

https://thetinhat.com/tutorials/darknets/tor-vpn.html

some def easier to read explanations

oh its terrible how you can rationalize it to yourself. like, watching some Independent Camwhore doing Solo Dildoing is way less degenerate than watching some clearly joo produced filth like facial abuse or max hardcore. and you know, maybe it IS. but its still a god damn slippery slope.

oh heres a good one

2017-02-04-20_40_23-spearmint-0-01_0-02-no-limit-holdem-replay-14518362

bad beat for the AA guy hahahaha. havent had one of these in a while. hence the proud screenshot hahaha.

well is it ok to jerk off to pictures of like college girls on spring break in their bathing suits bending over or something.

again its less degen than porn per SE BUTTTTTTTTTTT

what about jerking off to purty gurls on facebook hahahahaha thats definitely not porn!!!! theyre real life people!

yeah well you shouldnt do that EITHER, you should go out there and talk to those gurls in real life and try to date them. jerking off to their pictures just makes a sad fantasy and makes you super weak and beta and terrible and weak. like when i was getting feels for that woman and spent too much time just looking at her pictures and being like awwwwwwww i wish she could be muh gf.

DONT DO IT. only do real life shit. i should have deleted facebook at THAT time.

feb 5

gayper jooper bowl today. 630 pm. want to be productive today. do some prep work for the week. have a task where im like i uhhh really dont know what im doing here. so i will make some flailing efforts at it and show i am really willing, if not quite ABLE, to work on it. 2 other small tasks that I am much more able to do. want to do all that today. its like being in School and you save all your homework for Sunday because you are too cool and h8 skool too much to do homework on friday or saturday like all the tryhard kids that want to go to grad skool hahahahaha. i would mock them then, but im jelly of them now hahahaha. they knew the deal.

watching gayper bowl just for the horrendous commercials. i am seeing a bunch of emo, sensitive pvssy, multicultural bullshit. stuff that appears to The New Upper Class rather than the White Working Class who youd think are more likely to enjoy Murkan Football. unmasculine, unamerican commercials. the MURKAN NATIONAL ANTHEM replaced by foreign language sing the words in their foreign language in a “TOGETHER IS BEAUTIFUL” coca cola commercial. this is not a new commerical, but its still HORRIBLE and downright disrespectful. kinda like the horrible national anthem performance by the Wimmin of “Hamilton.” i thought this was FOOTBALL. FOOTBALL used to be masculine, working class, and at least somewhat huhwhyte. I understand plenty of blacks enjoy football. fine. and that the majority of football players are black thugs. fine. i’m talking about as a whole. football used to be a whiter-seeming sport than, for example, basketball.

does the New Upper Class even WATCH football? they might watch the super bowl. for the commercials. I am reading the charles murray book “coming apart” and half the book is about the “new upper class” which is basically modern SWPL yuppies. professional SWPL shitlibs with graduate degrees from good schools who make 100k+ a year and drive volvos and shit. decent book and i respect charles murray, but a younger, better hwyte author needs to write the next book in this series. because yes race and esp hwyteness does matter, and also this culture of the New Upper Class is steadily trickling down to the Upper Middle Class and the Middle Class. people that didnt go to elite universities but still have masters degrees, make 80 grand a year, and like SWPL shitlib bullshit.  it’s not just the top 1%, or the top 5%, it’s probably the top 20 or 25%.  they might not be AS rich and powerful as the New Upper Class…..but they definitely emulate them and their SWPL values.

murray implies the New Upper Class covers the whole political spectrum. while also saying that it skews liberal. well, i think it does a hell of a lot more than just SKEW left, it’s 90% or more left. it heavily heavily skews left. also I think the right-leaning tiny minority will also show some slight cultural similarities with the hwyte working class.

anyway i like murray because he talks about race and iq and education and class and status and middle class and upper class and working class, and culture, and intellectuals, vs anti intellectual proles, and elite skools and careers vs nonelite skools and careers, and east coast vs flyover middle america. smart guy but he could stand to be a bit more controversial imho!

yes i also own “the bell curve” hehehehe.

my colleague requested a photo of muh self they could use on a company webpage and a short bio. i already had a bio ready to go of course, but no good photos. i do not even have a damn smart phone or digital camera. i had to set up muh laptop computer on a series of boxes so the webcam was at about head level and then do that with an online webcam app that produced a photo of not-great resolution. not a high-resolution photo like i wanted. phones can give you a higher resolution than this. also it took FOREVER to have a face that was somewhat normal. I decided to have a Friendly Smile because everyone else there has Friendly Smiles in their pictures. it took FOREVER to get the picture. it was very frustrating. it probably would have been easier with another person using a camera or phone to take a picture. its prob easier to have a normal smile for another person. i can do a small Thoughtful Smile well, but not a larger Friendly Outgoing Normie smile, and especially not an Open Mouthed Laughing Smile where you look really happy.

go to shrink tomorrow (after job), then day after that, go to family docker (after job.) really want to ask the docker about “getting a copy of muh medical records” pref in pdf or doc form. so i could have that handy if i ever sack up and go to the shady MMJ doctor to try to get them to sign a form. there’s nothing IN the records that would technically qualify me. it’s more to show a Bona Fide to the shady MMJ doctor, that yeah i have records and i’m willing to bring them in, and though they wont necessarly back this up, here’s how i think MMJ could help me hhahahahahaha.

 

PRON IS WORSE THAN BEING A SL00T

jan 26

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/8227-why-pornography-is-bad-for-you/#entry190803

i might have linked this already, worth reading again hehe

found it in comments to this vid

wish weev had some cooler people with him and not those dumb women, but women luv weev for reasons i shouldnt’ need to mansplain. they would fly halfway across the world to have weevs babies. and i definitely want weev to have many hwyte babies.

heh i am much more attached and hero worshipping of weev than i am of for example mike enoch. if weev did something disappointing, i would be a lot more disappointed.

i mean im kinda disappointed he’s hanging out with this white slut losers hahahahaha.

had 7 minute conversation with adjacent department colleague. he is way too smart to be in his current job, which is a job i would like to have. but he is a big ideas man who would be very well suited for grad skool IMHO and he is thinking about it and sort of on the fence…..but he is light years ahead of me as far as having a good plan and talking a great game and doing his research, and READING BOOKS, working on a business plan, looking at schools, looking at programs, plus he is more charismatic than me and has a GF who is planning on going to med skool.

full version, without the silly music, of anti-pornography interview by ted bundy MERE HOURS before he was executed, linked early in that MPC thread

nofap is kinda ridiculous, i think the much more important thing is NOPORN. porn is INHERENTLY destructive and horrible, a LOT more than jerking off is. of course when you pair the two, a lot of people get it confused. no you can still jerk off, just dont look at porn. ever. again.

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/8227-why-pornography-is-bad-for-you/page__st__100#entry191105

been reading this whole thread. pman has a great effortpoast here.

anyway yeah i talked to this guy who is nice and charming and very smart, he is somewhat like me in that he is currently “underachieving”, but he’s underachieving way less than me because at least he’s above bare minimum, he is well positioned to go to grad school, he has a gf, and seems well adjusted. i should try to hang out with him socially hahahahaha. and while i agree with him on several important points such as a radical reimagining of Education, the destruction of the modern university as we know it, meaningless Credentialism etc, i am SURE he is much more leftist than me, and seeks to make everyone equal, etc. also uhhh i don’t think this guy is technically hwyte hahahahahahahaha. but he is nice and smart and i feel favorably to him.

so is me not disclosing my views, is that disingenuous, or is that Good Tactical Taqqiya? especially since i cant really argue my views well with smart people.

this guy really is a really good drummer, really fun to listen to him rawkkkkkk the fook out on those drums. PLENTY of superfast blasts as well as the more med paced ones. great drum SOUND as well. well done lad.

not sure how much i love the overall production, but the drums sound great and the mellow parts, maybe the heavy guitar is a little fuzzy. a minor quibble.

just exploding with high energy, impossible to believe this is just one guy. but yeah his energetic drumming is the foundation of all that. the rocking bass playing probably helps too. not that bass has any place in black metal hahahahaha. this might be my moment where i finally Get Into Panopticon. shit i even like the phaggy nonmetal parts. none of it sounds insincere. hey maybe all the people saying panopticon was good were on to something.

yasssss ive KNOWN about them/him for a long time, 5 years at least hahahaha.

he does really like those fast blast beats. good for him. i think i would play in a similar style as him if i could actually play drums. i am aiming for the same target as him. the same drumming muse motivates us hahaha.

jan 27

see i like that he does the fast beats over (under?) very melodic, catchy riffs that could just as well work with somewhat slower beats, so you can still totally understand the riff, rather than for example nile who have fast blasts and fast, meaningless, incomprehensible riffs that sound like total wankery. fun, passionate, happy wankery but still wankery.

anyway. day off here. was very tired last night and fell asleep easily. the big surprise was the greatness of the sleep that followed. long, solid sleep, but also filled with interesting dreams which i will try to remember.

one sort of confidence shaking one involved me meeting with muh boss’s boss, who is pretty much an official higher-up, and kind of an intimidating, no nonsense, masculine man who wants to get things done. not very surprising given his professional role. but obv i want him to like me. so he was having a brutally honest talk with me about My Fit with the Organization, how I can see everyone around me has masters degrees and are consummate professionals, so what do I really think about that, heavy implication that i obv dont have a masters degree and am underachieving as fook, i am now an older man, WHY ARE YOU HERE, why arent you doing MORE, and WHAT ARE YOUR CAREER GOALS. that was a direct question. tell me right here and now what you are trying to do with your life, what are your career goals, prove to me that you are a good fit with this team, impress me with your specific career goals. and i was caught off guard and started rambling nonsense, a bad answer, and he saw it immediately because he is very perceptive, and quickly shut it down. ok ok ok i see where you stand, let’s end this meeting now and let you go back to your underachievement. with the heavy implication that i was now marked as the underachieving loser slacker who would never be considered for promotion.

now the reality is, i will never be “promoted” per se, the best that could happen, and I guess that IS muh immediate career goal, is to do such a good job here and now, that IF a better position opened up, I would be the top choice for it. that is, i won’t ever be promoted in this position, i would have to apply and interview for a totally new job. in the sense of req codes and job classifications and unions. all our jobs are kinda strictly defined which certainly is related to The Union.

anyway if he ever had that discussion in real life, and he wouldn’t, if anything it would be my direct manager, who is personality is more….gentle but he still gets a lot of stuff done. I would tell him, I love muh job but obviously want something more substantial, i would love to have more responsibility (hours, money) in this department, i want to be the top candidate here. i’ve been on the fence about masters degree for ever and i think i have legit reasons for that. but your opinion is important and if you push me in that direction, that would help get me off the fence. i just dont want to pay 50 grand for a useless masters degree. would basically be what i would say.

what else. i was a young man living in a house much like how i did at that time, with a ton of other young students. common theme in muh dreams. i was sitting and talking with an “older” woman who was the mother of this gurl I fancied who lived in the house too. this was a real gurl I did once fancy. there was also a young man there who was the gurls brother. i never RL met the mother or the brother. they were talking disparagingly of the woman, that she was a very shallow, judgmental, bitchy young woman, that she only liked you if she could use you, she only liked cool, good-looking people, and treated you like garbage if you weren’t, and this is a bad way to be, and she better change her attitude.

in the dream i was kinda friends with the woman and was thinking wow that’s a little harsh, dont talk about muh waifu like that hahaha. i hope she’s not really like that. but this is her FAMILY saying this about her!

funny enough, i never saw that woman in the dream. in real life, she was a very young, very qt gurl who i was sorta friends with for a while. but she WAS kinda bitchy like that, and also a bipolar, crazy, mudshark slut doing flighty things and prob very good at Ghosting people or throwing them away. she didnt really throw me away, we just kinda drifted apart and really werent that close to begin with.

later in the dream i met with other young women in the house, who were trying to suss out how i felt about that woman. who i liked every though everyone else didnt. i was talking to a Good Looking, Light Skinned Black Gurl who was kinda friendly to me and was possibly open to me banging her. I would much prefer to Bang the other woman and I wasn’t in luv with Race Mixing….but this Black gurl was miraculously good-looking enough to tempt me. believe me that never happens with blacks hahahaha.

i basically tried to very softly state to her that I thought she was good looking, but also that I thought the other (hwyte) gurl was good looking too. I made some great bullshit statement about being 1% attracted to somebody. wish i could remember it. i am a fan of the female form and appreciate all kinds and flavors of female beauty. a good looking gurl is a good looking gurl. certainly you, as a good looking gurl, can appreciate that, hahahahaha.

thats about it. no real lessons in that one, other than yeah i should have listened to other people and not pedestalized that woman, because she was clearly not a great person. and she wasnt! i would have totally dated her though.

she could have been a better person if she had seriously seen a shrink and just kept her legs closed and just made a damn effort to be a better person.  but she had big daddy issues of course. SAD.

i mean i dont think she was that bad of a person. she was just heavily compromised and broken and even if i did date her, i know she would have dumped me quickly and it would have been yugely disappointing. she was very disappointing. because she could have been much much better. fairly smart, great looking hwyte gurl. i blame the father for abandoning her. and the mother, im sure, was at least a little crazy herself. mother married a pretty stable man early in the gurls life but it appeared the damage had already been done. to the mothers credit, she did pretty well with that guy and built a seemingly stable family.

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/8227-why-pornography-is-bad-for-you/page__st__180#entry213001

great comment here by millennial former p0rn freak who realized the error of his ways. this yuge thread just gets better and better. prob should permalink it. ok done.

QUOTE

The young man becomes insatiable by 21. Now there isn’t even a hint of affection in the scenes he watches. Love, healthy emotion, and even pleasure itself are passe. ……On it spirals, the curious young id, into French curls of perversion and decadence. Whips. Chains. Anger. Raw frustration. Rage. Hate. Sex is now hate to him. Sex is just ugly, contemptible, shameful: a grim continent of disgusting Freudian urges. Why fight it? Keep going. Keep looking. Keep clicking. There’s salvation, there’s absolution out there somewhere.

Until one day the young man, alone in his onanistic filth and fluid, learns the master lesson of human sexuality. If he is wise, his heart and intuition will lead him there. That lesson is as follows: the sexual impulse is perverted if it is aimed at pleasure alone. There is no greater cause of human heartache than chasing pleasure for pleasure’s sake. All the sexual impulses must be directed toward some higher purpose: strengthening a marital bond or forming a family. Any other avenue of sexuality hijacks the awesome power of your libido and makes a slave out of you.

I quit porn. I quit any kind of sexual titillation not involving a real, living woman I love and with whom I wish to raise a family.

I only wish I’d been given this prime directive more forcefully as a child.

END QUOTE

big march for life today in DC, almost forgot about this. they should have this at LEAST twice a year, ideally every week or day. i think its a good opportunity for pro-hwytes to be visible and active. get richard spencer at this thing hahaha. they are incorporating Gays For Life, which is not the best way to go imho. well….i dunno. on the fence about that. if it can help overturn roe v wade, then it would be good. and then we could focus on turning down the gay degeneracy. IMHO i think abortion is the bigger problem. that commonplace, feminist-related, straight-WOMAN-related degeneracy is a more pressing issue than gay degeneracy.

so  i dont read enough books hahahaha. i did an impulse buy of this book. i was looking at bowling alone, which is somewhat of a classic. then remembered when i talked to my intelligent colleague yesterday, he mentioned bowling alone as well, and said putnam did another book on education. i THINK he was talking about “our kids.” that would prob be more up my alley right now. almost bought that one, then read some critical reviews saying “coming apart” was better, on a sim topic, and less PC. plus i had heard about “coming apart” ever since it came out and I have respected murray ever since the bell curve which i bought like 5 years ago hahahaha. also its PAYDAY so this is muh gift to myself. plus it talks about HWYTES directly in the title. ok i’ll bite.

also i look for books where you can get a used hardcover book for a decent price. got a 60/40 shot here, not in your favor.

ok big task for the day is go to store. aiming to do that at 6pm.

just wanted to say for all i talk about pr0n, im not really tempted to watch it, and im greatful for that. but it ULTIMATELY wouldnt matter if i were tempted every single day, as long as 1. i realized it was bad, 2. AND i resisted the temptation.  so i would stand in moral solidarity with the men that are really STRUGGLING there, fighting the good fight. i am no better than them. if anything this shows you the temptation is only temporary. this too shall pass.

tbh im MUCHHHHHHH more tempted with MJ. i think about it ALL THE TIME, several times a day. if i HAD any, i WOULD be indulging in it every day.

in a way, being a habitual porn user is WORSE than a woman being a dirty slut. because she STILL doesnt watch PORN.

think about it. the pathetic foreveralone atomized virgin with 31 tabs of weird porn. cant talk to gurls. sees secs as jooish narcissistic pleasure only. with no idea how to relate to other people. at least the slut has better social skills! the slut isnt shutting herself away from people and hasnt stunted her ability to deal socially with the opposite secs!

in fact, in dealing with REAL HUMAN SECS rather than the fake illusion of porn, the woman has MUCH more occasion to view sex as a human act. because it isnt such a SOLITARY pursuit for her. the human, two-person nature of secs is MUCH harder for the slut to deny, than for the pathetic neet constantly jerking off to videos, by himself, never experiencing that with another living person.

so its probably HARDER to become a slut than to become a porno addict neet hehehe. because to become hard to Actual Human Interaction like that and STILL DO IT indicates a VERY poor moral character. i think its easier to fall into porn than to fall into sluttery in other words. porn is a MORE slippery slope.  cuz its JUST YOU. only you and the weird, twisted world you’re creating, no one else there to help pull you back from that abyss.

its easier to associate secs with Human Bonding when you are having actual secs with an actual person, in other words. so yeah the women that CAN do that I think are even WORSE off than the most hardened pathetic porno neets.

and if you “gave” these porno neets a real woman, that might be like a harsh wake up call to the Human Element of secs, which might get them to quit porn. but porn obviously DRAINS your Social Capital and Charisma and makes it much less likely you could get a real woman to consent to secs with you. so i guess the best solution is to spend decent money to get an attractive hooker. because hookers are still humans hehehehe. unlike porn. not saying those gurls arent humans either, because they are. they are probably the most pathetic of all. but no way the hardened porn jerker is gonna udnerstand that.

its just such a bad shitty thing and i cant believe more normie men dont realize it. they might not become daily, 31 tab porn addicts, but they still beat off to it once a week and think its harmless, fun, hot, sexy. thats bad enough!!!!!! even if they still havent been harmed enough so that they can’t pull human women.

like guys who have a GF they have regular secs with but STILL watch porn. i GUARANTEE the porn will EVENTUALLY cause a problem. and with good reason, because it IS a real problem.

anyway im just thankful i am not tempted by it and i have not watched it in well over a year. like 15 months maybe.

wish i could just as easily not want to smoke MJ. i dont know how im gonna do that. with porn i simply stopped watching it. MJ i havent even smoked in like 4 months but still think about it every day.

heh why havent i looked for an MPC thread on MJ. theres gotta be one.

oh right. because they either dont have a SEARCH function, or, more likely, i am too low-rep to use it or even see it. doesnt make much sense tho. i mean the forum is largely open to read to the public, why not make it searchable. can google do it?

https://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/7920-marijuana-not-even-once/

ok you CAN use site:mpcdot.com to search the site at google.

https://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/287-critiques-of-legalization/

first one is prob more relevant.

anyway. i think i ALWAYS had an IDEA that porn was somehow wrong. gross and ugly and not realistic. but i used it ANYWAY. but i dont think my heart ever became completely closed. i was aware it might be hurting my behavior with real women, but i did it anyway.

i didnt think it was a huge problem, because i didnt spend hours looking at it at a time. i didnt have 31 tabs open. but maybe i had 10 tabs open! and i used it most days! even if it was just 10 minutes, go to a trusted source, and rub one out. that was bad enough. thank god i never got to the point where i had huge hours-long porn marathons, just looking and looking and looking.

but damn if i didnt still graduate to weirder and weirder stuff anyway!

and i think it did make me hate women, because i thought that those real-life sluts had reduced their real-life sex to something crude and disgusting just like this porno!

and now that i’m fully aware of exactly how disgusting and wrong porn is, i STILL think real life sluts treat their real-life sex like this, which makes me have extreme contempt for them…….but they probably DONT, so i SHOULDNT hate them so much. they probably STILL feel some human connection.

when i was looking at porn, i KNEW it was lacking the human connection, and that the human connection was something I really WANTED. but i did it anyway because i was horny. just wanted to see some naked young girls fooking and doing increasing weird stuff. but i still wanted a gf and a rel and cuddles and luv. i knew that the porn was at the very least WEIRD and not realistic, but i guess i accepted it as an imperfect Substitute. its actually a hell of a lot less harmless than that. i certainly didnt realize how harmful it was.

even NOW i believe it still affects the way i view women! thats probably the worst long term harm its done to me. i wish i could undo it. i am cautiously optimistic More Years without porn will help here. but point is, even a year plus cannot completely undo it. its LONG TERM shit.

like you see a woman inadvertantly show cleavage while leaning over, and you think Automatic Negative Thoughts like that dirty slut. sex means nothing to her. she fooks guys and throws them away, the sociopath. and that is almost certainly not true. you are looking at reality COMPLETELY WRONG. heh. that is humbling and hard to accept.

A person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.

signature of “marketing guru” on MPC who has a pciture of tim ferriss for his pic hahaha. looks like tim ferriss is the originator of the quote too hahahaha. well he’s kinda a BELLEND but i kinda like some of the things ferris says, and this is one of them

i read part of 4 hour work week in 2012 and kinda wish i hadnt gotten rid of the book, i think i purged it as “jooish degeneracy” but he’s not really jooish. he is a very successful hwyte man who despite being kinda sleazy has said some powerful things hehehe. has lessons to teach.

QUOTE from pman: But what really sets them apart is that they struggle to relate to other people, which comes across clearly online and must be glaringly apparent in real life. What’s also apparent is that porn consumers operate with a strikingly high level of baseline depression, which they use porn (among other things, probably) to combat.

end quote hehehe. like i say, great thread, good reason ive permalinked it in the sidebar. i hope the MJ thread can help quell my urge to do MJ hehehe. which as ive said is a MUCH bigger threat atm than porn. ive pretty much solved muh pron problem thank god (although still feel the long term residual effects!!!!) but at least I dont WANT it the same way i’ve CONSTANTLY WANTED MJ.

https://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/7920-marijuana-not-even-once/

lets link this one again hehehe. dis gon B gud.gif. this might even graduate to the sidebar.

well it is pretty gud. i should read this every time i want to smoke MJ. ie, erra day hahaha. just wish it was 28 pages like the porn thread instead of only 4 pages.

http://takimag.com/article/has_pot_become_a_hard_drug_gavin_mcinnes

gavin mccuck writes for takis which is a halfway decent “gateway to the alt right” site. hes actually a decent writer even if he is a weak cuck married to an asian joo with little mixed kids. terrible. sad. but this article sees him smokin modern MJ and getting a panic attack. and basically he is becoming more anti-MJ now that he sees how STRONG the stuff is.

whats worrisome is i would get panic attacks and paranoia and STILLLLL want to smoke it!!!!!

yeah pretty good thread, needs to be longer tho. and uhhh i still wanna smoke MJ. god damn it hehehehe.

i actually took a pretty much full dose of nyquil at 7pm after coming back from the store, did my Goal for the day thank god. then had nyquil. then drank some coffee because i wanted to play cards for a little. actually did ok today. left with more than i came in with. 4 to 6. that does not happen most of the time hahaha.

about to go to bed now. this is why i took the nyquil, so i could sleep long time when i did go to bed. guess i could have just taken it now hahaha. 1030pm.

saor aura album. pretty sure i like saor better than panopticon but its nice to hear panopticon drumming for saor on this album because he’s such a good drummer and he brings his great style and sound to this album.

 

 

 

 

 

WHAT GOOD DOES IT DO ME?

dec 3

https://www.youtube dot com/watch?v=C2hOJR0hIBY

this “woman” looks like a man, and should not be wearing something so unflattering, and looks part nonwhite, BUT she is appearing on redice, who are Legit Vetted Good Goys and worthy of support, talking about the evils and degeneracy of Jooish Pornography, so thats pretty cool. i just saw this, have not listened yet.

but with a great name like “PORNOGRAPHY: WEAPONIZED DEGENERACY” I got a DOUBLE BONER and downloaded it IMMEDIATELY for listening very soon on a powerwalk! they just should not have put “her” wearing that in the thumbnail. jeez she is so ugly in that picture it undermines all of our credibility hahahahaha. still anything about PORNOGRAPHY: WEAPONIZED DEGENERACY HAS to be a good talk, good lesson, good message.

 

really you should listen to the three hour mix three times a day hahahahahahaha

when we were young, once in a great while we would find a song that was so mind blowingly awesome that we made a “mix cd” of that one song on repeat for 74 minutes.  this one would definitely qualify! although I was not aware of it at that time unfort. Oh I knew about the movie but had no interest in it and had no knowledge of the music.

here is one of those songs hehehe. for some reason we gravitated to ridiculous 80s style “cock rock.”

i am shilling for red ice today. now i dont like how this guest woman dresses like a HOOKER with the eye makeup and earrings and showing the tits, but uh i will try to listen to this one as well. but yeah even though henrik and lana are All Right, sometimes they do have weirdass guests who are jooish or antiwhite hahahaha so just because somebody is ON red ice doesnt mean they are automatically good.

but yeah what red ice is doing, creating their own alt right, pro white media platform/network, is exactly what whites need to do. create a white, joo-free media. our own news, our own tv and radio, and of course podcasts are a great part of this, and its already happening, THANK GOD.

yeah i know red ice did weird alex jones conspiracy shit years ago, but i forgive them hahahaha.

henrik and lana just need to have 3+ children and hire some white men to do red ice.

i would become a sustaining member of red ice but their prices are too damn high hahahahaha.

65 euros a YEAR?  that is like 66 dollars a year. i would maybe do 20.

i mean they DESERVE it, i just cant/dont want to dnate that much!

i mean its more for ME than THEM, so i can FEEL GOOD about myself, and really i need all of THAT i can get!

there is this catholic church sorta near me that is geared towards polish people, and i hear that polish catholics are some of the most hardcore Based Catholics hahahaha. they are proud of their polish blood and dont have open arms for a bunch of screaming asians and mestizos and browns and arabs which you see in many cath churches. plus i have some polish blood and love poles. love them. would love a nice polish gurl for a qt 3.1488 waifu. poland is definitely a top tier european country.

problem is this place doesnt just have one polish mass a week, they have nothing BUT polish mass and EVERYTHING is in polish, church website, church bulletin/newsletter.

actually this is not a problem at all, this is a fookin BENEFIT. cuz it means they are traditional and old school as fook.

so i could just go there and be like

¯\_ツ_/¯   ¯\_ツ_/¯     ¯\_ツ_/¯     ¯\_ツ_/¯     ¯\_ツ_/¯       ¯\_ツ_/¯      ¯\_ツ_/¯

and say dzien dobry, jak sie maz (????), sto lat, dzienkuje, boze dobry, boze dobrze rzarzarzarza, ja nie movi polakiu, and then they would say oh look hes trying, how nice, then they could hook me up with their 19 year old virgin daughter who could teach me polakiu hahahaha and i could put babies in her for 14k a year hahahahaha.

sheeeeeeit those women are TOO GOOD for me!

乁(⏓ ͜つ⏓)ㄏ

2016-12-03-20_36_03-cardamom-0-02_0-04-no-limit-holdem-replay-13464295

this fookin guy makes a huge raise when he flops a pair of 8s. glad i agressively went all in instead of thinking he had AA and folding! or 88 or 66 or 22 hehehe.

no thats not 7 dollars and 45 cents, thats .00745 btc, which is…. 5 dollars and 71 cents. YIKES. well the price of BTC has gone up pretty steadily since i started playing this shit like 2 years ago.

so yeah if i had any BALLS like a REAL MAN i would have gone to this polish church 11 fookin years ago!!!!!!!

fooking reddit relships and their different secs BEST FRIENDS. you shouldnt have a BEST FRIEND who is the opposite sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and IM the weirdo and sexist and hateful racist violent trump supporter for thinking this!!!!!!!

or IM weird because i think open relationships are shitty and bad. im being too judgmental and intolerant of peoples valid choice.

well to be fair, reddit says that MOST people

dec 4

 

i am gradually warming up to emily youcis. normally i am very very very very suspicious of women in the movement, but she doesnt seem TOO bad. plus i immediately get more sympathy for the women once they LOSE something like their job or their freedumz. and so she was recently fired by k1ke company aramark (i applied for office clerk job there, no response hahaha) after working for 7 years selling pistachios at the baseball stadium. fired for “social media” reasons.

yeah i mean maybe this was part of her plan and she’s prob not gonna go homeless or sucking dick for a place to stay (not that most women dont already do that anyway hahahahahahahahahaha)

anyway. so i am always judging women for being hookers and sluts and wh0res and promiscuous and degenerate, but in the end, do those things really impact me directly? why do i hate sluts so much? that woman wasn’t a slut! she hurt me through ways that did not involve sluttiness AT ALL!

yeah well in the PAST ive def been hurt by women who were into the slutty casual sex mindframe. also i just find it very distasteful and immoral and degen and a sign of the cultural and spiritual degen which we must fix in our people. and yes it represents something i WANT but cant seem to get, which is given away so freely to Everyone Else but I am fundamentally broken and unable to obtain.

and also i am judgmental against the things that that woman DID do, like avoiding shit like a coward, i dont like that either hahaha.

ok well here’s a good point: at least i never really became a beta orbiter friendzone!!! or if i did, it ended pretty damn quickly!

it kind of proves that i basically will not LET MYSELF become a pathetic supplicating beta orbiter. i eventually have to rip the bandaid off and be like, here’s the obvious truth which i can’t believe you’re not seeing. I CANT GO ON THIS WAY hahahaha.

going to church on sunday today instead of saturday. going to church that is probably better than the one i usu go to. less cucky and marxist and antitrvmp and leftwing. less cucking for DIVERSITY and UNITY and VIBRANCY and all that shit. shit no wonder that church is full of weird asians and this other church seems to have more whites. shit why dont i just go to this other church regularly. or go to that damn polish church. IT DOESNT MATTER that i dont speak polish. i could learn and besides them speaking polish is a YUGGGGGGGGGGGE value add!!!!!!! its a GREAT thing!

yep starting new 13k job tomorrow. kind of a big deal. nervous. dont want to screw it up. dont want to look like a WEIRD IDIOT. just want to do a good job. not just a good job, but a GREAT job and really impress everyone.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit i should have been getting BOOKS related to my NEW FIELD the instant i knew i was hired, and devouring those books to get a good frame of reference, big picture view, maybe some small picture view too, reading the books The Director reads for his PhD, which is of course related to his masters degree and what he does now, The Department, what books are most relevant to this job and this department, thought leaders, bla bla. i quickly bought a book right now so that i could say i at least placed my order for the book before i started the job hahahaha but why i didnt do this 2 weeks ago so i could have had the books and started reading them by now…….hmm maybe i am not serious about making 13k a year with no benefits, maybe WALMART would be a better fit with my career skills.

dumped because he couldnt read the gurls stupid mind. i GUESS shes ENTITLED to dump him for whatever stupid reason she wants, but when the reason is THAT stupid, just candy coat it and dont GIVE an exact reason. i mean thats just a BAD REASON. just say I’m not compatible with you. it’s not you its me. that would be better than saying some stupid ass shit like that.

hehe i made the mistake of initially assuming the “best friend” OP of the gurl was another gurl. hehehe. sounds like he is deeply in luv with her and is in complete denial. but not looking at that, she still should not be Ghosting her friends.

i mean this guy is cringey and beta orbiter AF, and theres a very important lesson to learn there, but she still shouldnt be Ghosting him like a coward, throwing away 3 years of friendship, and getting her new bf to laugh at him and call him pathetic (which he is.)

dont be like this pvssy phaggot. but at least he is getting a CS degree so he might be making 30k a year by age 22. that is a pretty good move.  i mean its still risky because i worked with CS grads doing the exact same phone bullshit as me.

bonus points for OP having mad anxiety and panic attacks that feel like heart attacks and he is so confused hhahaha.

better when you are 21 than 31!

then reddit shreds this kid for being a sexist, creepy niceguy, which he kind of IS, but this ISNT the way to deal with that. you have to show some sympathy for these poor sad bastards. theyre not the bad horrible people you think they are !!!!!!!!

he doesnt need to “RESPECT” her wishes because they’re not respectable. just use the word ACCEPT. ACCEPT her stupid, unrespectable wishes, and let her get fooked by chad. the end.

grieve and have legitimate suffering because your friend of 3 years didnt give a DAMN about you as a human being. i feel your pain man. that sucks. this is the sympathy he’s not getting ANY of and he should.

anyway. i wish you COULD be Just Friends with a woman before Dating and Fooking and Relshiping them, because unless I am Friends with a Woman, i really just dont LIKE them. the way they approach Relships is degenerate and infuriating. I just dont like it. rustles the shit out of me.

I wish you COULD get to know a woman as a friend, be like this is a really good person and i like them, maybe I can try a deeper rel with them, i think they would make a decent GF or wife. i wonder if she will be willing to try that.

NOPE. NEVER WILL. thats what the friendzone is hahahaha. if you dont fook her like a n1993r within 2 days of meeting her, you dont have a chance with making her your GF or wife.

i just hate how the J’s are dumbing us down and jooing us down and morally corrupting us all down into n1993rs.

If you don’t like the word n1993rs, just call em animals. they are turning us all into filthy, dumb, dirty, disgusting ANIMALS.

I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!!!! I AM A HUMAN BEING!!!!!

anyway yeah this reddit niceguy hate is just way out of line. niceguys arent THAT bad. have some damn SYMPATHY for them. save some of that judgment for the women, who in many cases are being huge bitches to the niceguys.

but yeah this guy needs to stay away from this gurl, and there needs to be more blame directed at HER.

when you are begging and bribing somebody to hang out with you. it IS pathetic tho! but its SAD. he doesnt even REALIZE hes in LUV with her. at least I REALIZED that. and i STOPPED contacting her eventually. let her run off and fook animals.

and yeah it would help that guy to go to a shrink, but good lord dont tell him you are SUPER FOOKED UP and must see a shrink NOW if you have any chance of not being a horrible person. they hate these nice guys almost as much as they hate TRVMP or WHITE PEOPLE.

i was thinking in an ideal world, i would just get a dr to prescribe me Medical MJ for Despair and Anxiety, just like getting an RX for Citalopram and Valium. Which I have already gotten RX’s for.

so in an ideal world, despair and anxiety would be legal medical Qualified Conditions for MMJ.  but they arent.

anyway i was thinking, go to semi shady MMJ doctor and be like listen, so i dont have cancer or back pain like most of the people, but i dont want to bullshit you and say i have CARPAL TUNNEL pain when i really dont, but here’s something I REALLY DO HAVE, and have taken RX’s for YEARS to PROVE it, i know they arent TECHNICALLY conditions, but…..hey i’ll buy ya dinner right now, you’re pretty hungry from writing recommendations all day arent ya goy? bubby?

the thing is, i could say that my TREATMENT for OTHER CONDITIONS causes SPASMS, and then i could get MMJ for that. yeah but it doesnt. but i think citalopram causes spasms for some people hahahahaha.

basically the TREATMENT for something Unqualifying, gives me a Backdoor into Qualifying.

but not really, because this treatment doesnt cause spasms or severe pain!

https://www.reddit.com/r/altright/comments/5e7rbu/emily_youcis_animator_of_alfred_alfer_ama/

meh i guess i will approve of emily, she seems to be sincere. hope her animation bcomes less degenerate and she seems to be aware that by joining the alt right and becoming pro white, you kinda HAVE to hold yourself to a higher moral standard and actively purge the degeneracy from your own life.

but she’s only been into this for less than 6 months! i have been into this for like 6 years!!!!!!!

heh i dont really care as long as she is sincere and doesnt stop being pro white. she talks about losing friends and such and purging people. this is good.  purge the dead weight and bad influences from your life. Traditional Morality will alienate you from degenerate animalistic losers. you dont want them to be your friends anyway.

fine i will HUHWHYTE KNIGHT for emily even though shes probably taken MILES AND MILES of dick, prob even nonwhite (no real proof.) but i am willing to forgive, if there is TRUE repentance.

well i dont really like these super big bewbs gurls plus she will probably start to get very potato looking when she gets older. but at age 26 right now she is pretty qt, would hang out with hahahahahahahaha.

i mean better late than never amirite. im no saint myself. you know what they say, all saints have a past and all sinners have a future!

i went to this other church this morning and it was 100000000000000 times better than the one i usually go to. not only was it less boring and faster, there were a lot more whites, some qt young white women as well! i mean i already KNEW this for at LEAST a YEAR!!!!!

like the priest at my regular church, nice guy, good guy, but a pathetic cuck shitlib who is soooo shocked at the hate and racism and intolerance of the whitelash, and desperately wants to overcompensate and Reach Out to Mudslims to show them Not All White Christians are hateful rednecks.

whereas at the other church, no mention of this stuff, just a bunch of happy white people, including many under-40’s.

all the whites at my usual church are well over 40 hehehehe. plenty of nonwhites.

shit. starting NEW JOB tomorrow. have been doing laundry. planning on bringing 1 dozen donuts tom morning. ask people about their families. ask about what are good books for me to read about this field. i am already reading bla bla by bla bla. here’s some donuts. do you guys drink coffee? i can bring in some folgers, i have some extra folgers at home. sorry its not top shelf, but i can bring in a little top shelf closer to xmas. heres some donuts in the meantime. how many kids u got. where are they going to college? tell me about your graduate program. what do you think about the 14 words hahahaha. so how about that election hahahahaha.

can i take a tough phone call right now? what are the toughest problems you get in here from your “customers”? whats the best way to bullshit them and give them the runaround and say it cant be fixed, it is what it is, you dont have to like it hahahahaha jk i know we go above and beyond for our clients wink wink nudge nudge amirite?

besides, everybody knows that when “it is what it is” just wont cut it, you have to bring out it is what it IS what it is what it is. then that fixes everything. that explains everything. that gets angry people to say OH NOW I GET IT, im so sorry for being such a huge bitch. now that i realise that it is what it IS what it is!!!!! see before, i was thinking it IS what it is.

mother fooking phaggot cvntz hahahaha.

i was thinking i dont DESERVE a woman Without A Past, because IIIIII have a past myself!!!!!!!!!!!

ok fine, but i DO insist the woman is TRULY REPENTANT of her degenerate past! says I am ashamed of my past, i never want to have another abortion, or fook another nonwhite, or have any more casual sex!!!!!! its disgusting and here’s why! I REGRET doing all that.

rather than someone that says oh that makes me who i am, i’m not ashamed, i have no regrets.

GOOD PEOPLE HAVE REGRETS.

shit I have tons of regrets, tons of shame, tons of remorse and repentance for all the degenerate animal shit IVE done. so I DO want THAT much from muh formerly degenerate waifu hahahaha.

if you dont have regrets, I DONT WANT TO KNOW YOU hehehehe.

the bad shit youve done SHOULD be regretted.

muh dbt book says to try not to be judgmental. notice all the times you make a judgment throughout the day, bad OR good, and just let them float away like leaves on a stream.  just observe stuff mindfully and without judgment.

this struck me as kinda weird. i can see trying to stop your bad judgments, but the good ones too?

i mean i make 148800000000000000000000000000000000000000000 negative judgments a day. every damn person i see i judge them. i was sitting in church watching the nice white people coming back from communion and i was judging each and every one of them harshy: fatty. f4ggot. dirty dago. ugly. fat slob. pig. dog. disgusting animal. sissy. nice haircut phaggot. nice manbun phaggot. nice potato shaped body. your kids are brats. your wife is a slut. you have dyed hair, you must be a slut. how many cox you take. how many black guys. how many abortions. wow, fat AND a smoker, youre in great health, you no self discipline weakling.

i mean its truly ridiculous how many negative judgments i make about people, many many many times a day. so YEAH i AGREE, trying to be conscious of that and not doing that would be a GREAT step for me.

really i am nowhere NEAR as HATEFUL and judgmental when i am with actual real people. i always think the best of them.

but from a distance, when i am alone just thinking of people in the abstract, or people watching people from a distance, god damn, its a hugeass hatefest!!!!!!

no not violent hate, but still very bitter butthurt negative pessimistic cynical recrimination!

and WHAT DOES IT GET ME?

HOW DO I BENEFIT?

WHAT GOOD DOES IT DO ME?????

NOTHING!

at a more moderate level, it would have been a natural response to people who have hurt me in the past with slutty or immature or fat or ugly or irresponsible behavior.

but the healthy way for me to do that is to say, ok, here are some red flags to watch out for, but im not gonna look for those red flags in EVERYBODY, and im sure not gonna get MAD about it if they havent done anything to ME.

but yeah. its like my automatic reaction to seeing a person, is to have a NEGATIVE JUDGMENT about them. this is not good!

fat, ugly, slut, phaggot, degenerate. usually one of those. douchebag, asshole, bitch, weirdo, autist, spazz, moron.

i cant stop judging people hahahahaha.

STILL, i INSIST that its worse for women to go out there and let themselves be used as pieces of sex meat, that it is for pathetic omega virgins to jerk off to jooish porn. because in one you have essentially two people hurting each other, in the other, you have one loser hurting himself.

but dont get me wrong, porn is horrible and i am ASHAMED and REGRETFUL that i ever looked at it. well, that i looked at it so MUCH.

and tbh, i was only a little above average i think for American Men Of My Generation. Many men are much, much worse. i was nowhere NEAR a Porn Addict.

hmm sorta watching this movie the lost weekend, i mean i had watched this intently a few years ago, and i think after i stopped drinking as well, and had gained some Understanding of the Baffling Cunning “Disease”, and i still found the movie disappointing and corny, and for some reason it seems better now.

i mean ive been on the straight and narrow path here for the last damn 7 years basically. no booze, a little bit of MJ though. not enough imho hahahahahahaha. gradually became more Alt Right, more JQ, less degen, more principled, just a better person hahaha. although unfort more of a virgin neet loser too hahahaha.

well its been up and down tho. ebb and flow.

was driving home and saw this fat guy and his fat wife in my neighborhood who are always sitting in their backyard smoking cigarettes and being fat, and i thought wow, fat and smoking, good choice buddy, and then i thought ok i shouldnt JUDGE him, he very well could be a very very very nice kind man, very courageous, very strong. nobody is perfect, me neither, and so he just happens to be a fat smoker. nobodys perfect and what if he’s very very nice.

how often do i need to bring in donuts? i dont want to more than once every 2 weeks.

you gotta ask the right questions. what if i ask the WRONG questions? what if i ask DUMB questions???!!?!

so show them i am smart by quoting Big Thought Leaders in this Education Related Field. I read some education books right? hehehe yes the only education books i read were “dumbing us down” by gatto and “the unschooling handbook” by some woman.

both very anti establishment sort of stuff. but which may be considered moer establishment in 2016.

i mean i really SHOULD be more interested in the Field of muh job. which all I will say it is SOMEWHAT education related.

so yeah i think education is bullshit ahhahahahahhahahahaha. all education should be handled by parents.

yeah well what about college level stuff. the job im doing COULD ACTUALLY BE LEGIT USEFUL to a HUHWHYTE NATION as regards “homeschooling” college/grad level material to Learners. It’s GOOD because it can put you into direct contact with Experts and Instructors while minimizing the JOOISH DEGEN (((((COLLEGE EXPERIENCE))))), i will just say that.

MINIMIZING IT!

so yeah this is actually a REALLY good position to be in and i shoul dbe  MOAR grateful!

maybe i should bring bagels instead of donuts? i mean i will actually eat bagels later if people dont eat them all. its easier to save and eat bagels later than donuts.

now you could still use this technology to deliver jooish marxist frankfurt skool degeneracy and mindkilling soulkilling poison into the brains of students, but again, its just a TOOL, that can be used for good OR for bad.

if it helps even one white neet get a good paying job one day, then its worth it.

so in a way, i am working in support of my Dream Career by Helping White Neets.  UP FROM NEETNESS.

well, if they are doing education, technically they are not a neet then hahahahahaha. well how about neets who are only involved in education, because its a LOT easier to go to college than to Get A Job. you just pay shitloads of money (take out loans) and go to some shitty school hahahaha.

honestly just go to your local community college. i PROMISE you its not THAT shitty. better than fookin DEVRY. talk about fookin SKYPES.

besides, to get a good job, you cant just have book knowledge and do good in online college courses. you have to be good with PEOPLE. CUSTOMERS. you have to have MAD CHARISMA and not be autistic!

so how do all these autists get jobs?

uhh the ones that dont get stem degrees from good colleges DONT! they become neets!

so would i feel more comfortable lying to the MMJ doctor about Carpal Tunnel or Back Pain, or Lying about getting Spasms from the meds i take for muh Severe Despair?

great now the poor beta orbiter kid who was in love with his female friend was bullycided into removing his post. because hes such a HORRIBLE PERSON. good lord they hate these pathetic niceguys more than they hate Raepists. seriously. right now he is probably blaming the shit out of himself for being such a horrible person. and he wont let himself grieve properly for a relationship that “didnt exist.” yeah well if he knew her for THREE YEARS it DID exist, no matter how close she felt to HIM, no matter what these degenerate bullies on /relships say.

THAT KID IS BACK ON THE ESCALATOR!

there is ANOTHER post about an opposite secs best friend at the top of the relships hotlist!

GUESS WHAT /R/RELSHIPS, WHEN YOUR “BEST FRIEND” IS THE OPPOSITE SECS, RIDICULOUS DRAMA ENSUES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i guess you can be “friends,” but to identify as “best friends”? HELL NO.

sheeeeeeeeeit tuff times buddy. im sure reddit will say he is a horrible person for thinking he is entitled to something.

yep sad shit man. well at least you can do your JOB and shit you got a NEW JOB within 8 months of getting heartbreakingly dumped! so id say youre doing pretty well. just work 80 hours a week at your new job and smoke MJ the rest of the time. use MJ to bribe tinder wh0res into nihilistic secs hahahaha.

did i get jealous because they were leaving me, or did they leave me because i was getting jealous?

i think i kept my jealousy under wraps PRETTY DAMN WELL until it became clear they were pulling away from me, talking to other guys, and then i’d say i had a PRETTY GOOD REASON to get jealous hehehehe.

so yeah i dont eer push women away because i am “THE JEALOUS TYPE.”

heres a good quote from this one:

”   [–]PaHoua 4 points 49 minutes ago
If you’re the one broken up with, it is very likely you’ll take much longer to move on than the dumper. That person has already been “mourning” the loss of the relationship for a long time and when they finally came to terms with it is when they decided to commit to the action of dumping you.
Think of it like the five steps of grief: 1. Denial; 2. Bargaining; 3. Anger; 4. Depression; 5. Acceptance.
When she reached Acceptance, you weren’t even aware of what was to come. Then she dumped you. You moved into Denial.
This happened to me. I moved back and forth between all of the stages until I got into Acceptance. He was dating within weeks and probably earlier, whereas I remained in between stages for a couple of years.
It takes as long as it takes. That’s all anyone can tell you.     ”

wow a woman saying something very reasonable hahahahaha

 

WAITING IN THE WINGS

nov 6 2016

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit

”   Hi OP, just wanted yo say I think you are right. Of course she has a right to date other people, but you can still have consideration and show tact for a person who you once cared about. Date, sure, but keep it away from your ex. No need to be so public about it. I personally think it’s a dick move. I think that if you break someone’s heart the least you can do is show kindness, and I don’t think that is very kind.    ”

on the reddit where the girl dumped the guy and still lived together, insult to injury, rubbing dudes in his face. this guy says the above very good thing, and is downvoted to hell. how could you downvote something as good as this? because its reddit hahahaha. i cant believe anybody would not give that 600000000 upvotes. oh right. because your responsibility ends the second you say its over, and then you have the RIGHT to be a PIECE OF SHIT and add INSULT TO INJURY.

i advocate a world where we RIGHTFULLY SHUN AND SHAME people who add insult to injury and call them terrible assholes. a world where the whole thread is filled with responses like that. saying what a piece of shit, she should feel HORRIBLE.

ok had the clocks set back last night, meaning it now gets dark at 5 pm, basically signals the start of winter essentially, for the next 6 months. winter is coming hahaha. this is the Tuff Half of the Year.

had dream last night abou “nice girl” from middle school who i never pursued hahahaha but think she would have made an excellent wife. funny, back then i was all about “nice girls”, meaning girls who didnt slut it up for thugs and ghetto gangsters. just a nice 14 year old girl that waits to have secs hahahaha. and is also nice and not a huge bitch either. cuz i had a Crush on a girl who was very attractive, but also a dirty mudshark slut. at age 14 hahahaha. she talked like a negro and liked that negro bigman bullshit. well, i think she preferred white wegros rather than full blown negros, good for her. but i was like damn, this is tragic, a beautiful gurl throwing herself away like this, i wish i could turn her into a Nice Gurl.

anyway this OTHER gurl actually WAS a nice gurl. i never saw her again after 8th grade hahahaha. maybe i had the dream about her, because the beautiful 18 year old gurl i saw in church sort of reminded me of That Type of Nice Gurl. not a slut, kinda classy, had morals and values, prob a good father, tries to be a nice good person, while also being QT as hell and not a fat disgusting animal hahahahaha.

MPC forum should really make their own podcasts. TRS really pioneered this but its a really low bar to entry. low risk, very high reward. shit I should make a podcast.  podcasts are fookin great. just real people having real talk about important stuff, sometimes in a pretty fun or funny way.

its more fun and memorable than reading the forums, its like actually talking to people. and i am 1488% sure these people would be interesting and smart and funny. because they are with their writing. i just prefer listening to people talk, than reading writing. i would do this whole blog as a podcast if i had the balls, or didnt want to be doxxed.

although people with much more to lose than me arent worried about doxing themselves because of their voice. see TRS hahahaha. kyke enoch makes 100 grand a year and would totally be fired if someone found out he was a racist.

heh its also funny how i had my idea of a “NICE GIRL” and basically i still have my idea of that. and this idea of “nice” is completely different of the “nice” women talk about when they talk about “NICE GUYS”.

i really really really try to NOT be that kind of nice guy, so i dont like being accused of being one.

see waiting in the wings, ulterior motives, lying by omission, etc.

well as much as i have been crapping on DsO for their new album being completely mediocre hehehe, i will always be Interested in them, and hey let’s go back to the moment where this wanky masturbation was brand new, the fas album of 2007. when they first REALLY went down this path and it was more groundbreaking. easier to like and say OH YEAH THIS IS AWESOME rather than MEH IVE HEARD THIS BEFORE.

what a difference 9 years makes hahaha.

basically i want to find the point they went from writing riffs to not writing riffs. 2004-2007 hahaha.

ok so DsO has a number of 20 minute songs that were released between albums during this time. i think writing a 20 minute song is a better use than having a 35 minute set of piles of disconnected riffs.

i dunno. i just wish i had sme MJ and could blaze it and enjoy this music hehehe.

or that i could just get a damn job already.

i mean i am trying. not really trying hard enough but i am trying a little hahaha.

 

 

oh god. you simply cannot escape this comic. the worst comic of all time. on the hot frontpage of all reddit. which i usually never look at. bringing the /niceguys subreddit to the front page. why is this even a subreddit. why even waste time complaining about these pathetic lost souls. are they really that BAD?

to these women of reddit, yes they are.

”  Easy question to ask yourself to find out the answer;
If you knew, for sure, that he would be happier if he broke up with you, would you want him to stay with you anyway?
If the answer is “yes”, then you’re a self-centered dickwad. If the answer is “no”, then it’s all good. 🙂   ”

but it led to this quote which was actually helpful to me, because some woman worried that she was a niceguy because she and her bf had been JUST FRIENDS before they became More Than Friends.

so i thought, would I MAKE her be with me if i knew she would be happier with someone else?

No, i would be MATURE enough to say if youre miserable with me, then ok fine this needs to end. but lets end it in a nice way. peacefully detach. have good Communication about it. see a Counselor who helps us Break Up as peacefully as possible. establish ground rules for No Contact, because youre dumping me and my heart is broken. I accept you want to get out of the rel, so you can accept that you are breaking my heart.

oops sorry i think this page just shows the hottest threads from subs i am SUBSCRIBED to, NOT all of reddit.

https://www.reddit.com/r/altright/comments/59794r/i_am_andrew_anglin_worldrenowned_gas_chamber/?st=iuop3wy3&sh=9800833c

 

 

nice hehehe. this is actually a good sub hehehe and i surprised reddit hasnt shut it down yet. im sure its coming tho.

anyway. basically if she were Dating me and she was really unhappy I would be mature enough to say, maybe we just werent meant to be together babe. its just such a stupid thought experiment though. why wouldnt she just dump me like a rock. ok i unhappppppy and im not willing to work on anything, see ya creep, ima have fun on tinder. i just cant envision someone so committed to me that they are afraid to leave me. no one’s ever been the slightest bit afraid to leave me, hahahahaha.

going to listen to damn FAS album today.

i mean really. in some ways the music perfectly captures the confused, chaotic, hateful, scared, incomprehensibility of muh emotional and mental state. DsO is the soundtrack to muh psyche for the past 15 months hahaha.

took some nyquil hehe

totally dark at 6 pm, haha

listened to “fas”, did not sound much different than “synarchy” except fas has about 1 memorable “riff” per song, while synarchy has none hahahahaha. but other than that they are very similar hahaha.

nov 7

took nyquil yesterday, that always leads to a foggy mind at the time. which is kinda good if you arent trying to study for exams/work or solve confusing problems. also keeps you from writing stupid shit. makes the time fly by. probably keeps you from worry about stupid shit.

 

good for you, because it is degenerate sodomy that is a nihilistic, sociopathic view of Human Life. there’s no respect for life there. no wonder these people like CHOPPING UP BABIES.

some women like coffee dates. other women hate them and wont give you another chance if you suggest a coffee date. they dont bother saying i dont like coffee dates, lets go on a drink date instead. nope. just you are forever in the basket of deplorables because you were creepy and weird enough to suggest a coffee date instead of a drinks date. even though you dont care what KIND of date it is, youre just trying to meet women.

i dunno. DONT ASSUME ALL PEOPLE ARE MIND READERS and that they will KNOW you hate coffee dates. its not a reasonable thing to HATE!

 

ok mass grave aesthetics, 2005, might be perfect blend of old and new dso. i wonder if they used a diff drummer on SMRC than they did on FAS. this sounds more like SMRC.

i dunno. who cares hahahaha.

its just stupid that Nice Gurls go on Tinder and Fook guys they dont even know, and this is the Normal Trajectory of a Rel. You meet, are instantly attracted, instantly fook, DO NOT GET FEELINGS, keep it casual, and then if casual fooking is good, you might est a long term rel. you HAVE to go through the degen sodomy phase of casual secs before you get to the ltr.

cant you just get to know someone SLOWLY, WITHOUT FOOKING?????!?!?!?!?!

i just wish women took Human Lives SERIOUSLY. instead they just dont care. human life, secs, abortion, its all a big fooking joke to these jooish nihilists hahahahaha.

OK OK OK EASY THERE. AYO HOL UP. HOL UP. HOL UP HOL UP. HOL UP. HOL. UP. HOL UP.  AYO. HO UP. HOD UP.

hehehehhe. we must always be ready to say AYO. HOL UP to our Runaway Negative Thoughts Freight Train. Barrelling through like a Trump Train with no brakes hahahaha.

WOO HOO THE BIG 500!

just hit 500 jobs applied. 26k county job. ALWAYS get rejected for these, no interview, just straight rej email. do they think i am overqualified? then i wouldnt keep applying to these 26k jobs!

heh. looking up the repub candidate for muh county District Attorney against the incumbent dem. the repub challenger is a total autistic maniac, in a i cant believe this guy graduated from college let alone law school and passed bar and does he even work as an attorney because he seems like an acid tripping maniac. and he’s probably a nice guy but why doesnt he have any kids. because hes THAT much of an autistic weirdo.

i mean the guy seems literally schizophrenic. i guess he is a running joke in area politricks. weird that somebody so clearly insane would be a repub hahahahaha.

he grad from a good univ, went to  i guess ok law school, passed bar, but had basically no legal career, did not Practice a lot of Law whatsoever, and did a weirdo neet lifestyle hahaha. and has the web design skills of a 60 year old man hahahaha. not that i can really make a better website either, and i have taken tons of classes in the topic!

anyway point is i guess he is a man of the people and cant be bought by sleazy companies, like most people in the county hehehe. for solid white people there is far too much corruption. blame the italians hahahahaha. but even the anglos have tons of corruption. been hanging with italians too much.

ok got 6 apps in today, up to 503 hehehe. harharhar. trying to figure out what is a reasonable goal for the end of year.

i really only started in SERIOUSNESS on march 28. so that is 503 apps in 224 days.

15.72 jobs per week. that is NOTHING hehehehe. wow. i have done NOTHING the past 7.47 months hehehehe.

15 jobs a week. NOTHING. heheheh.

well, some weeks i had 50, other weeks i had like 0 hehehe. this is an average over the long term. which is a statistic i generally like measuring.  Averages over the Long Term.

sheeeeeeeeeit. found a full time job at the……large school where i would like to get an ft job, pt job, anything, but ESPECIALLY a ft job. and there was an ft maintenance job! which closes TODAY!!! so i was like AYO HOL UP and applied for it. took 21 minutes, not sure why so long hahaha. because i had applied to 6 jobs before this today hahaha making this muh 7th and a very auspicious one, wish this could have been the 500th instead of the 504th.

but yeah i hate how i MISS the best jobs at this school just because they dont send alerts, and you have to remember to check their website every damn week.

big election day tomorrow. supposedly shillary is up by 4%. i mean really i am not too optimistic for trvmpenfvhrer. this is the last gasp of the horrible huwhyte male. NA NA NA NA, NA NA NA NA, HEY HEY, GOOD BYE!!!!!!!!! DONT LET THE DOOR HIT YA ON THE WAY OUT, WHITE BOY! WALK ON HOME!!!! TOO BAD, SO SAD!!!!

this is how shitlib WHITES feel about The White Race. I know actual real life real shitlib white men that make Tweets and facebook posts talking about how stupid and lame and toxic White People Are. and DAMN WONT IT BE GREAT WHEN WHITE PEOPLE DONT RULE THE WORLD ANY MORE.

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

I dont know how they make 50k+ a year hahahaha.

oh yeah i do. because they have masters degrees and are Value Adding Workers hehehehe.

and they are very confident at all times. on the job, socially, at skool.

nov 8

well i have to exercise muh civic duty hahahaha. in fact i shouldnt be doing this. i would gladly give up my right to vote if we could majorly restrict the vote to whyte male homeowners with children who make at least 50k a year and have a minimum 110 iq hahahaha. i would say go ahead. i more than trust you. im just an emotional looney toon who doesnt deserve the Responsibility of voting……..just like at least 51% of people nowadays hehe.

like i dont know shit about EVERY candidate on muh ballot. state reps, house reps, sheriff, DA, clerk, university regents, district judge, state judges. state board of edu, local board of edu. i read about some of the candidates then forgot who was who. so basically all i can do is vote for Repubs hahahaha. there needs to be an alt right party so i know im not voting for ZOG sellouts and neocucks hahaha hahaha.

duke / trump 2016 hahahaha. hitler trump 1488 hehehehe.

pretty sure trump will lose but it will be a pleasant surprise if he wins. maybe the lying jooish media is just lying about hillarys 4% lead.

i mean it has been kind of encouraging during these discouraging times, to listen to the trump speeches on cspan and think, wow, this is pretty positive, i like what he’s saying, its gonna suck when hillary WINS and we dont get to hear this positive voice every day.

i thought well i just have huge issues with Secs, cuz i see it as a dirty, pornographic, jooish, fetish, sinful, bad sort of thing. which is PARTIALLY true, but i also see it as a wonderful, sacred, holy, loving thing. but when i see Real Women treating it as a Casual Pornographic thing, then i get angry and disgusted. real women doing casual sex, many partners, acting like a porno slut, taking nudes and secs videos, theyre making their OWN pornography!!!!!!

so yeah, is the sex youre having PORNOGRAPHIC or not?

you can have nice, loving, long term rel, monogamous, intimate secs, and this is the good kind i like, or you can have degenerate, sodomitic, jooish, pornographic, casual fun nihilistic hedonistic feelgood muh dick secs. and that is the kind i HATE. and which i HATE to see young women doing. its APPALLING. DISGUSTING.

so the repub candidate for sheriff is extremely against MJ, medical MJ, rec MJ, views it as an extremely dangerous drug that is responsible for Heroin and Meth epidemics. the dem incumbent sheriff is not so hardcore haha. the repub DA candidate thinks MJ should be legal hehe.

heh wonder if i should throw away muh vote on some libertardian candidates i know nothing about, who wont get more than 1% of the vote.

welp i did it , did muh civic duty hahaha. its not a DUTY, its a PRIVILEGE, a RESPONSIBILITY. i shouldnt even be VOTING. in some races i didnt vote for ANYBODY.

i mean SHIT the very first item on the ballot was Straight Ticket, mark here if you just want to vote all repubs.

well then how does that affect your vote for the Judicial Non Partisan section, or school board or all that shit?

so i left some judges blank because they have no declared party affiliation and i didnt know enough about them. i voted for a few libertarians for like university trustee, except when the names didnt sound white, so then i voted for the repub hahahaha.

i mean the main thing that matters is that i voted for THE DONALD and of course i did hahahahaha.

i was in there at 12:30 pm and was the 497th voter of the day in the district. maybe about 15 districts in the city.

as i was in there, i heard some foreigners near me, two women, one helping the other. how is this old foreign woman who cant speak english a registered voter? i understood two words one woman said, trump and hillary. didnt sound arabic. sounded pretty slavic. maybe albanian. yes i know thats not slavic at ALL but the language can be hard to tell. i mean ive gotten pretty good. i dont think it was albanian but it def wasnt polish or russian. if i had to guess, maybe serb or croatian or macedonian. we have a decent amount of macedonians.

THEN there was a guy where they said he wasnt in the book. they called the city clerk. gave the name. CHOUDRY, hehehehehe. city clerk could not find him. could not find him in the state either. now i dont trust the competency of city clerk or state clerk, and i know choudry is a very common name.

they said well we cant find you, he said he had voted somewhere else before, but didnt say where, they said he could fill out an affadavit but that he could be prosecuted if he was not registered. not sure what happened there. this is why you check if youre registered, and where youre registered well in advance!!!!!

also saw a guy dressed like a damn muslim imam, with the beard, hat, and Onesie.

i knew my area was fairly ethnic……but it was not encouraging seeing such RAGING ethnicity among the less than 20 voters there at that time. as i say, middle of the day, i didnt have to wait at all.

i did see a sort of qt 26 year old white gurl in medical scrubs. wonder who SHE voted for hahahaha.

but i thought of, well how do you dispute something like with choudry. theres 6000000 diff ways to spell choudry. its easy to spell wrong. never mind the first name! can they look up where he IS registered? would they ACTUALLY investigate his affidavit and throw out his ballot if he was a fraud? what if he were registered in another district?

theres a number of Structural Clusterfooks here, some of which do seem unfair for the voter, but others which seem to allow ridiculous Fraud. i dont know the Best Practices here…………………………………and neither do the Bureaucrats that have been “managing” voting for 200 years!

so yeah i might not consider myself qualified to really vote……..but i am more qualified than most of the fookin idiots voting!!!!!!! im voting for hillary because i hate trump hahahahahahahaha.  wow. you should not have the privilege of of voting you moron.

i mean i left more than a couple things BLANK because i didnt feel comfortable voting for judges that I knew nothing about.

http://torontolife.com/city/life/tinder-tales-donald-trump-supporter/

heres the thing: ive slept with A LOT of guys hahahahaha what a slut

he was 6’4″, handsome, one of The Top 5 Guys this sluts fooked, but his homophobic xenophobia and bigotry is such a turn off, she can only stomach fooking him when she is looking for a 3 am drunk c0ck n cvm call.

this is what i mean about real life women BECOMING PORNOGRAPHY.

kinda glad i am not on facebook to see all muh real life friends being happy about voting for hillary hahahahaha.

kinda glad i did my part to vote for the GOD EMPEROR hahaha. though watch they find some way to throw out my vote, or to say that i voted for shillary. i promise you i did not. i checked it like 3 times to make sure i didnt ACCIDENTALLY mark the hillary oval.

my pen mark kinda went outside the line for 1 mm. maybe thats enough to throw out the ballot.

i mean it would suck just to hear and see much less of trump saying his positive stuff. whos gonna be our voice once hillary wins hehehe. whats trump gonna do then. i still want to hear him, or people like him.

hmmm maybe i should have just hung out at the poll place longer to watch people. i was in and out at a very not busy time of day.

http://www.dailystormer.com/leftist-whore-trump-supporters/

http://www.dailystormer.com/andrew-anglin-on-alan-colmes-show/

is he joking about having sean hannity on his (anglins!!!) livestream? that would be ridiculous hahaha.

anyway yeah. get super sexy young men and then the women will follow. get a bunch of 20 year old, tall, handsome, white chads and bring them to trump, bring them to the alt right, then omega manlet fascists like me can get their sloppy sevenths hahahahahahaha

heheheh what if david duke wins in louisiana? that would be nice hahahaha.

hmmm taking a look at this discord stuff, some kind of chat and voice and skype like thing. there are “Servers” for TRS, daily stormer, etc. cant quite figure it out. i will lurk until banned haha.

so yeah early results show trump beating hillary……but i would not be surpirsed to see this FLIP dramatically over the next few hours.

welp applied to only 3 jobs today hahahaha.

ARE THERE ANY WOMEN WHO DONT LIKE CASUAL SEX?!?!?!?!

oct 29

went to store. wanted to find cheapest face wash soap. have very oily face and starting to think that washing it with dial hand soap is just too harsh and may cause it to become more irritated, more oily, just beating the shit out of it. so i found “dial acne face wash” with salicylic acid. give it a try. i do not get terrible acne, but would get occasional small pimples just because the skin was so damn oily. now i dont have a problem with that per se, i know oily skin ages fairly well, so i will have decent looking skin when i am an old senior.

dial acne face wash for like 3.50, 7.5 oz bottle. pretty happy about this one folks.

really prob the best thing i could do is just wash/rinse with plain water, no soap on the face ever. period. and i might indeed go down that road when this bottle of face wash is done.

had a dream that I was face with like a 20 year old attractive nonwhite girl with brownish skin. i was like WELP I’m a white supremacist, but this gurl is being very interested in me, i COULD bang her, shes got a good body, she’s not ugly, i kinda DO want to bang her, just not make sprog mutant godforsaken abomination babies with her. yeah i will bang her good. maybe even 10 times. it will be fun.

now none of the banging happened in the dream of course hahahaha.

damn. your THIRTY FIVE year old wife with two kids wants to open your marriage now. where do these women get off? maybe a 25 year old woman, i wouldnt be so surprised. but youd think by 35, with 2 kids, she would be mature enough, and more aware of her market value, that she would stop with this hypergamous, have your cake and eat it too bullshit. do you really think youre gonna find a better man at age 35? and youre killing your poor husband cuck!

also this kind of open marriage is insulting to actual polyamorists, which i cant believe i am acknowledging!

this is simply a REAL shitty way of making an EXCUSE for, well hubby, i’m bored with you and i want to cheat and I just met a hot exciting sexy new guy i want to cheat with, so lets try an OPEN REL.  BULLSHIT.

how can she NOT SEE that he isnt gonna agree to this? how is it SO HARD for her to see that MOST people WOULD be VERY UPSET by this? youre 35 years old with a successful career and an 8 year old child!!

AND they are both seeing separate counselors, AND a marriage counselor together!!!!!!

and she still cant see that you just dont CONVINCE  (coerce) your husband into an open rel when he doesnt like the idea………..and 99.9% of men wont!!!!!!!!

i mean SHIT. even the polyamorous GUY the cheating whore was dating talked to the husband, could see how much it was hurting the husband, and broke up with the cheating whore hahahahahahahha.

thing is, there are plenty of women who have tons of casual sex and FWB’s……but they still have that moral line about CHEATING, and have never technically CHEATED.  so i am beign unfair to them with my implication that all casual sex nihilists are also cheaters!

well it IS a slippery slope, isnt it???!?!?!?!?!

sheeeeeeeit.

anyway. its very possible i dont care about a womans past, or a womans many beta harem male friends, when the gurl is OBVIOUSLY INTERESTED in spending time with me. its when they start shutting down and distancing themselves from me, and i get heartbroken and want them back but cant have them back, thats when i start complaining about all the guys shes fooked, or all her male friends that shes gonna fook, who are more sexy and exciting and fun than widdle old me.

but if the woman were ACTUALLY WITH ME for more than 3 weeks, yeah, i think i could put things in perspective and be like, welp, she’s clearly choosing to be with me. rather than making me JUMP THRU HOOPS just to buy her dinner once every two months, or MAYBE ill text you if my other plans dont work out.  when they CLEARLY make me a PRIORITY and not an OPTION. when they clearly make me an OPTION thats when i start bitching about their many other options. and especially their Priorities, who i’m butthurt they chose over me!

so yeah i honestly think i have a decent change of not being all insecure and jealous, ONCE a woman actually CHOOSES me as a priority for longer than a month!

i only get jealous AFTER I get rejected in other words. jealous that she rejects me in favor of them. thats less jealousy and just being plain BUTTHURT or sore loser. and its completely understandable! its HARD to be rejected! especially when you KNOW she is out having fun and lavishing that same shit that you enjoyed SO MUCH for 3 weeks, to some other lucky and/or BETTER guy!!!!!!!!!!

and then i think, COME ON, I’m not THAT shitty…………………………………..

……………………………or AM I????????

and then muh confidence is crushed for years hahahaha.

 

come on. shes 31. she should know how to be nicer to a guy when she dumps him. also its pathetic that he is so hung up over a 31 year old past her prime! this B’s longest rel is only 6 months, and she used to get on a plane to fook a guy before she met this beta guy. thats a good show of effort, when the girl is willing to put forth THAT much WORK, to FLY to see you, regularly.

thing is, they CAN show effort. they CAN be nice. you’ve seen them do it before, you’ve experienced them being nice to YOU before! so why cant they even be 1% as nice when they decide to dump you? be like this just isnt working out, its not you its me, youre not a bad guy, youre a great guy, this is my fault, you can blame me, im sorry, im the bad guy here, but yeah its over because youre not a priority for me and im choosing other guys over you, but its just because i dont want to put in the effort, youre not my type, im sorry to string you along and lead you on and give you false hope, you deserve a loyal and loving woman, and thats not me, im sorry, have a good life, heres at least 100 dollars worth of MJ to help you get through this, and here’s a shrink you can email who will act as my surrogate/representative. the end. hahahahahaha.

that might be a good idea too. hire a shrink to open a new email address and then monitor it and relay messages to the woman, and or shut down any “creepiness” with Firm And Direct statements. the shrink could do the email for 15 minutes a week, 4 weeks, for like 50 dollars.

shirnks or social workers have the communication skills that normal people DONT. so you should pay PROFESSIONALS to handle Breakups, in other words!

why do so many normies do things that you really need PROFESSIONALS to do?

why do you need to go to GRADUATE SCHOOL and become a PROFESSIONAL just to have a Human Relationship???????

i smell jooish stench here hahahahaha.

i dont REALLY think you DO need to go to grad school to have a rel, in other words.

well i mean MEN, because women never have to do any work in rels………..and thats FAIR. dont get mad about that.

i have EIGHTEEN full time years of education. shouldnt that be enough to get me 26k a year?

NO!!!!! you arent ENTITLED to anything!!!! you have WORK to IMPROVE yourself!!!!

well thats what I’m SAYING! i DID do a known quantity of work to improve myself: 18 years of education. isnt that GOOD ENOUGH to warrant, to ENTITLE me, to a 26k job?

NO!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

you hear stories of people who do millions of first dates but no second dates because the women are so terrible and unattractive. then i think, wow, now THAT WOMAN is one of those forgettable first dates for a number of men. yet i havent forgotten about her!!!!

what was so special about her?

well she was super nice to me and wanted to hang out with me and thought i was cool! that was a big confidence boost, AND she was a real nice person and I thought, hey, I LIKE hanging out with such a nice person! see, women arent all MONSTERS!!!!!!! what a good, nice person! this is exactly the type of person i want in my life! i should hang out with her more!

hehehehehe.

hehehehe id like to meet that dad. yoga pants ARE vulgar and they DO make women look like whores and it IS disappointing!

well him looking at porn is degen of course. but SHE, who doesnt have a problem with porn, has a problem with HIM watching porn because it means hes a hypocrite.

no, it just means he likes jerking off to dirty whores! he just doesnt want his daughter to dress like a dirty whore!

meanwhile she is a successful 25 year old career woman, completely financially independent, oooooo what a SUCCESSFUL, strong independent woman who dont need no man, no husband, no father!

he hates promiscuity yet BENEFITS from it by watching porn!

is he REALLY benefitting?

and is it REALLY promiscuous?

are you saying its BAD to be promiscuous?

are you saying PORN is BAD?

the moron doesnt even know what she’s saying.

”  “Women who wear yoga pants look like sluts.” is not a logical position, it’s an emotional one, and emotions are difficult to change.  ”

OF COURSE ITS A LOGICAL POSITION!!!!!!! YOU CAN SEE THEIR DAMN ASS AND GENITALS AS IF THEY ARE COMPLETELY NAKED AND SHOWING IT OFF TO THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!

and yeah that does make people emotional…….for a logical reason. the root cause is logical.

o come on. you think ALL those religious pray the gay away homophobes are all jerking off to “lesbian porn?”

NOT EVERYBODY FOOKING WATCHES PORN, YOU FOOKING VULGAR DEGEN NIHILISTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not all women haters, not all homophobes, not all religious sex-haters,  not all PEOPLE watch PORN!!!!!

stop ASSUMING everybody watches porn!! THEY DONT !!!!!!!

what kind of degen world do these people live in, where everybody watches porn and that behavior is normal???

these reddit women like to point out they will be SEXUALIZED no matter what kind of clothes they were, that they will be Catcalled if they wear a burka or yoga pants.

i cant help but think this is bullshit. yeah some perverted men will catcall and harass women in burkas, but wearing yoga pants is just gonna get you a LOT MORE attention, plus it shows that you ENJOY that attention. that you are actively ENCOURAGING that attention, not DISCOURAGING that attention, which is what dressing modestly does.

but yeah when you show basically your naked body to strangers, dont be suprised when people approach you like you want to get fooked. dont advertise your damn practically naked body. and get mad when men treat and look at you sexually. idiot.

heh. thats one reason i liked that woman. she NEVER wore yoga pants or anything slutty.

THAT I KNOW OF. what if she dressed like a TOTAL slut when she was out doing her thing.

it doesnt matter!!!!!

ARE THERE ANY WOMEN WHO DONT LIKE CASUAL SEX??????

oct 30

i am very happy with the new dial acne control face wash for managing muh oily face, without drying it out and abusing it.

heh. i just ASSUME the sweet jobs i interviewed for early in the week will not call me back. nope. i still need to pay more dues, do more interviews, 27 is not enough, im not good enough even for a PART TIME job. i would totally take the part time job because its a way to just get used to working and gradually build your confidence. where throwing you to the wolves for 50 hours a week will destroy your confidence and that terrifies me. in make or break situations, i tend to get broken hahahahaha.  in sink or swim, i tend to sink hahahaha.  so why do all working situations need to be sink or swim? because thats what WORK IS. kinda like joining the MARINES hahahahaha.

then how do SO MANY people DO it? who would probably flunk out of the MARINES?

cuz they dont mind lying and bullshitting and giving shitty service to angry customers and saying not my problem, cant help you, you dont have to like it, goodbye.

heh. when i havent found a “good” person, i always worry that i would have “grass is greener” syndrome, and women have certainly seemed to have it with ME, have no problem dumping me for for exciting men. but when i find someone “good,” i am fully committed. all in. and then i get quickly dumped for greener grass hahahahaha and heartborken for 2 years.

they alway mention loveisrespect.org hahahaha. if men acted like that, they would get dumped for being boring doormat pussy omega sissy unmasculine cucks. you have to DOMINATE at least a little bit.

but in my sensitive sissy heart, i LIKE that loveisrespect stuff. i want a women to accept me for my sissy self.

”  YOUR RESULT:
Your Love Language:
👐 Physical Touch
Hugs and kisses are so much better than any present, right? You are hopelessly romantic and could never date or marry someone who doesn’t like to snuggle on the couch or in bed each night. You enjoy holding hands anywhere and everywhere and think there is nothing sweeter than seeing an elderly couple doing the same. You understand that life is short and the best things in life are free!   ”

this is the result of my Love Languages test.

was not expecting this, i expected something more with talking or writing.

well, i do like cuddling, spanning time, hanging out, but i hate sex hahahahaha.

so yeah . take this physical language shit to mean that i take cuddling very seriously. and i do. but i dont need to fook 10 times a week, or right away.

YOU NEED THERAPY hahahahaha

hehhehe a 30 year old guy who keeps getting dumped by a 40 year old woman with kids. WOW thats gotta be rough. you cant even keep a 40 year old woman with kids from dumping you.

never mind a 25 year old woman with no kids and low number!!!!!!!

maybe she can use all the money she makes to buy herself a good man hahahahahahahahahahaha

because a 7/10 25 yo white woman with no kids needs to BUY a man with money hahahahahaha.

so a guy gets drunk and smacks a girl dressed like a slut at a halloween partys ass, and all the harpies on reddit say ITS SEXUAL ASSAULT!!!! RAPEY!!!!!! and i am downvoting them all hahahahaha.

like your BF never got drunk and smacked a girls ass before!

i never did, but i dont see how its the end of the world.

these reddit women, think EVERYTHING is SEXUAL ASSAULT.

oh good luck if you want to be going out with DONALD TRUMP. does he grab women by the pvssy too? donald trump SEXUALLY ASSAULTS WOMEN!!!!!!!

real life women actually believe this!

well real life women will believe anything the Controlled Media tells them……..or a strong dominant man tells them!

you just say, boys will be boys, baby, and then smack her ass and plow her hard hahahahahaha.

anyway. sheeeeeeeit.

how to stay cool under pressure. blacks do it. aint no thang but a chikun wang. ok great. how about some WHITES who are cool under pressure. like AUSTRALIANS. they just say she’ll be all right mate, and continue to bantz each other and call each other cvnts and drink vb’s. nothing BOTHERS or FLUSTERS them.

yep i totally understand those feels even though i have not been in that same situation really, but i have seen women choose other guys after dumping me and i would get mad and jealous cuz i really wanted to spend some more time with them and i felt they ended my “turn” WAYYYYY too soon.

again my horrendous sense of entitlement! im not ENTITLED to be with a woman longer than…..5 dates? 8 dates? however many “dates” we had. i think is a more accurate way of expressing it than 3 weeks or 2 month or whatever. cuz its not like we were hanging out more than once a week, once every 2 weeks. always an uphill battle trying to get them to make time for me.

they were never THAT interested in me! it was VERY casual! i mean really, That Woman, even though were never had Casual (or uncasual) secs, she was WAY more Interested in me, because she was willing to talk to me and hang out with me over a period of several years! when the other women were DONE with me in a matter of 2 months at most!

anyway when i went to the social thing, there were attractive 25 year old women there in the audience. i should have Chit Chatted with them. but thats hard to do when you are an unemployed 35 year old who makes less than 26k a year! 25 year old women make 40k a year!

see this is the type of stuff i shouldnt be writing about, its pointless, its Counter Productive hahahaha. its destructive and negative. writing like this got me into the mess im in now!

but yeah. in other words, i think i COULD be not super insecure about “muh gf” having tons of male friends, having 10+ previous secs partners, AS LONG AS she put in a good faith effort to SHOW me that I was the priority and not them. I never had that before.

oh, i put in a good faith effort, but we were hanging out and drinking, and one thing led to another, and i fell onto his dick, please forgive me hahahahaha.

heh. i probably would, because my expectations are so low: oh i cheated on you, no i dont want your forgiveness, in fact, im just gonna leave you for him right now. insult to injury. cheated and dumped. no remorse.

just because you dump your bf immediately after cheating on him doesnt mean your cheating wasnt cheating!

im not even talking to anyone in particular, im talking to a fictional hypothetical woman doing a hypothetical shitty thing!

shit spirals hahahaahaha.

ok well heres something good. i could easily look up that womans name in google, and see what comes up, or i could look at the front page of her facebook and instagram page, seeing a current photo of her in other words, possibly with new foccbois, possible black hahahaha. i could be looking for her on okcupid (well, i did look at her once long ago on OKC, but never since) or plenty of fish or whatever. but i havent done ANY of this. at the very least, google her name, or look at her FB profile picture. but no. i have not done any of that! give me a reward! hahahahaha.

in SOME states you can get medical MJ card for anxiety. maybe even depression. actually no.

https://www.leafly.com/news/health/qualifying-conditions-for-medical-marijuana-by-state

cant tell.

anyway. GIVE ME A CHANCE. give me a chance to show that i wont get too jealous or controlling about your male friends. show me that you like me MORE than all your male friends and wont give up on me after a few weeks! and maybe i wouldnt be so goddam suspicious about womens male friends! sheeeeeeeeeeit.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/kovie-biakolo/2014/09/this-is-what-is-really-wrong-with-casual-sex/

 

http://www.debate.org/opinions/is-casual-sex-wrong

heh

https://www.thetrumpet.com/article/7750.24.131.0/society/the-emotional-corrosion-of-casual-sex?preview

religious source though but still very valid article hehehehe

i just want a woman who takes sex SERIOUSLY and who does NOT like casual sex! is that so much to ask? women SHOULD take sex seriously, they can get fooking pregnant! but many of them have a CASUAL attitude towards ABORTION as well!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!!!!!

and then these DISGUSTING ANIMALS go on to have successful careers, and then they have longterm rels, get married, have children, all the things i want to do!!!!!!!!1

i shouldnt have to google “why is casual sex wrong” to find the PERFECT argument so i can CONVINCE a woman not to have casual sex!!!!!!

and then everything near the top is like cosmo and jezebel and thebustle and womens magazines talking about how fun casual sex is and how all women should experiment with a casual sex phase in their 20s. have fun! sow your wild oats!

YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW.

and when you sow degenerate wild oats…….uhhh you get degenerate wild oats years later. its NOT A GOOD THING.

maybe i would be different f i had a casual sex wild oats period and had fooked 10 women, but i havent, and so it is what it is! you dont have to LIKE it!

 

so jealous of this guy who has massive emo and abandonment issues and will never get a woman…………………………………….. BUT AT LEAST HE MAKES GREAT MONEY and he doesnt seem in danger of losing or quitting his job.

well…..actually he IS very anxious about his job, has big anxiety in general. probably GAD hahahaha.

oct 31

i just hate being put in positions where i have to CONVINCE and EXPLAIN things that are VERY confusing and that I dont understand, to frustrated people. yes, I SWEAR I cannot fix this, your manager has to fix this. so he said to call us? well he’s wrong, we can’t fix this, he has to fix this. he’s not doing his job. so you called us and we fixed it 3 months ago? hmm. do you have the case number hahahahaha. oh you dont then we cant help you. we have no record of that. no im not calling you a liar. im just saying we have no record of your call. no you cant speak to my manager. he’ll tell you the same thing. that your manager is wrong and that if your manager has any questions, he should speak to HIS manager. oh his manager said that WE have to fix this? well they’re BOTH wrong. have your managers manager speak to HIS manager. no they cant speak to my manager. NOBODY can speak to my manager! where are these policies written down? they’re NOT, because they change every day. we have no record of any policies. the policies are always changing and as of right now, the policy is that we dont fix it. no we dont have that in writing. it is what it is. you dont have to like it. you dont like it? find a new job. your customers dont like it? we dont want their money, they can find a new provider. oh thats a known issue. it will be fixed in a future software update. no timeline. hopefully soon, but cant make any promises or speculation. so your customers waiting? then ask your manager to approve a discount, or they can go somewhere else.

this kind of bullshit just both frustrates me and makes me panic. i mean what do you SAY in these difficult situations? similarly i dont want to do something where I regularly have to give really bad news. like no we are not covering this prescription for your cancer ridden mother, why, well because my manager said so, no you cant speak to them, they are unavailable. good luck watching your mother die! is there anything else i can HELP YOU WITH today?

that kind of bullshit. where i want to be straight with people but i dont have the info and i dont have the help. at those points i will gladly throw my superiors under the bus to show sympathy for the customer/caller.

also you cant say that you stayed and worked off the clock to be more efficient with your time, because no manager is going to Officially Approve of you working off the clock. because what if you hurt yourself at the workplace, but off the clock?

well then maybe they would have a legal case saying YOU SHOULDNT HAVE BEEN THERE, so they are not gonna pay for your treatment.

but yeah, you shouldnt admit to staying off the clock to finish your work. i guess this doesnt apply to exempt salary jobs, when you are technically on the clock all your life. we dont punch a clock here.

anyway youre just telling the manager that you dont work quickly and efficiently enough, that you need extra time (ie extra money) and that you arent as good as employees that get all their work done in the time allotted. youre SLOW.

i mean still stay after you punch out and do work for free so you can suck up and try to look good, but you just cant brag about it as a way to help you get the job.

i mean i already candy coat shit and try to sell myself as some confident miracle worker who is really good at explaining confusing shit to angry customers.

you can say that when you go home you study work related material in your free time so you can do your job more efficiently. that’s less sketchy than staying around after punchout to “do extra work for free”. so i do say that i do a lot of studying on my free time.

well how do i explain that i didnt want to go to GRAD SCHOOL. you just dont simply dont want to go to grad school. should i say i applied and was rejected? then you look like a loser failure. you got rejected from grad school, why shouldnt you get rejected from jobs?

and i didnt even get rejected from grad school, i simply didnt apply, because i didnt really want to go! and also i felt that i WOULD get rejected because i didnt have enough good references or undergrad research/honors/thesis/internship experience!

ok applied to 3 jobs. no chance. 1 fedgov job (32k), 2 state jobs (34k, 39k). i mean i wish i could just bring up a list of 32k jobs, shit 26k jobs, and just apply for those. but less than half of jobs tell you what the pay is, unless its a govt job like these.

ok 4th job. local auto dealer. accounting clerk. sheeeeeeeeit.

i get more angry and hateful when i am more productive hahaha. i just hate everyone and everything. all these normie morons who can get and keep jobs but i cant. what the fook do they WANT from me? so yeah even though its good to be productive to do job apps……is it really good if i am kinda half assing them, tyring to go as fast as possible, in 14 minutes per, plug and play the right “variables”, etc, go through the motions, feel some anger, these phaggots, these sluts, these normies, i just want to make 26k a year and smoke MJ every day hahahahaha, maybe fook some 25 year old sluts, and evangelize to them to luv their race and never mudshark again.

cluster c personality disorders. including avoidant personality disorder which i probably have. heh. i remember when i was 20 i was like OH GOD i hope i dont have a personality disorder, that would REALLY suck.

yeah well i prob only had garden variety anxiety back then………NOW i have a full blown personality disorder hahahaha. all because i was too cowardly to go see a shrink at age 20.

yeah well i started seeing a shrink at age 26, maybe 25………thats not too bad eh?????

its really not, hahahaha. good for me!!! hahahaha.

the idito bitches in reddit think that MUH EDUCATIONNNNNNN is the answer to everything. as if two short years and 200 measly dollars in tuition will suddenly skyroket you from 13 an hour to 15 an hour HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

some good covers on here! but would like to hear more “covers” of stuff from his latest two ambient albums, which i think he could have spent a LITTLE more time and effort on hahahahaha to make them SOUND BETTER.

 

heheh the flipside of what happened to me. he is confused and a little upset sure but he doesnt GHOST her. he is confused and doesnt know what to do, but he doesnt want to block her from his life without any explanation.

great response:

”   ]acox1701 7 points 4 hours ago
It would probably help if you have another conversation with her- after you sort through your feelings and what you want.
A million times this.
Not responding to her at once is not a dick move, unless OP literally said nothing. It’s bound to be upsetting, but one cannot reasonably be expected to react to such a thing on zero notice.
OP, figure out your shit, and sit her down. Negotiate things. Ask her if it’s hurting her to be around you, and then trust her answer. Tell her that if she changes her mind, to let you know.
Negotiate your friendship like an international arms treaty. That sounds odd, but a lot of relationships, romantic or otherwise are based on a vast number of underlying assumptions, and this relationship has just had all of those swept away. You and she need to reestablish them, together, so that you can continue.
Important topics to bring up:
Does she expect you to return her affection? Does she want you to?
Do you want to return her affection? Would you be willing to explore it, or are you unwilling to take the risks that would entail for your current social scene?
Do you need to spend a few months separate from each other? Could you quietly communicate before events so one or the other stays home from some or all things? Can you both be respectful of the other’s occasional need to stay home, or request the other stay home? Can you both be cool about it?
You are going to want to avoid teasing, touching, or flirting with her. Make sure she knows this, and is aware that you’re trying to not cause her any inner turmoil, or false hope, or similar. She may insist that she’s OK with it. (I’d rather be teased by my crush, with no hope of it going anywhere, than to be ignored, but I’m a sad, pathetic little man)
All things on the table. Talk it out, then you can both get on with your lives.   ”

heheheh. saving that in case i ever get feelings for a friend again, so i can print that out, give it to them, and say, lets talk about THESE THINGS.

i would give the guy REDDIT GOLD if reddit was worth supporting hahahaha.

ok finally applied to 5th job, that is enough for today hahaha.

it was tricky, since problems with router again hehehe. or wireless card. have to restart computer just to get the wireless connection back. i dont know if the problem is in the wireless card or in the router. cant be determined. cant be fixed. sorry. is there anything else i can help you with today?

i dont know what to tell you, and no you cant speak to a more experienced person. no, you cant speak to the person i am getting advice from. hes not even in my office. he is scheduled to be in a chat room for the next 4 hours. also he’s never wrong, his judgement is INFALLIBLE.

yeah i admit his job is not fun either. having to stay in this chat room and give advice to the squealing piggies, the level 1s. but its better than being the level 1’s on the phone with the customers who dont know what theyre doing!

i dont know what to tell you. other than i can do nothing, i cant transfer you to someone better, and hopefully this problem goes away on its own.

heh. i never thought that going on DISABILITY would ever be a realistic thing hahahahaha.

i dont want to be disabled! i just want to work like a normie and not SNAP!!!!!!

applied for 6th job, that was a little excruciating hehehe. but it only t0ok 23 minutes with an average of 14 hehehe.

i mean its hard not to be perfectionistic, when you have to be PERFECT to have any success!

or you cant mentally check out at your job becuase your quality will slip because your job takes perfect concentration and intense skill! so you cant not have measurably bad quality when you are having a bad day! because the worse your mood is, the worse your work is, and your supervisors immediately notice that you are not longer performing at the minimum!!!!

how do you GET AWAY with half assing your work, in other words?

 

oh this BEAUTIFUL young man! he is in college and everyone is having casual sex, but he is not interested, he thinks sex is something SPECIAL!!!!!!!!

OH YOURE ADORABLE.

the sad thing is that there ARE wimmin in uni that really DO want a rel, and DONT like casual secs. and i totally fooked it up and didnt TRY hard enough to find them !!!!!!!

applied for unheard of 7th job. at a fairly well known company. choice employer, like top tier shit that i have no chance of getting an interview. so why even apply. waste 13 minutes applying. well maybe 30 minutes and i could have tailored the shit REAL nice. but i didnt.

i mean underachieving losers dont get jobs at GOOD companies, they get jobs at BAD companies, if they get jobs at all.

might go to fatness club today for first time in months.

 

well this is kinda a big deal, the first release from deathspell omega in 4 years. kewl cover tho bro. hopefully its not all wankish spaghetti and jerking off hahahahahah. hasjarl decides he’s tired of making 200k a year with his donald trump real estate business, and probably having rels with solid 8/10’s, to make music like its 2005 again hahahahaha.  i have not listened to this yet, yeah i will give it a proper listen i guess. i mean why not. i like mikko aspa hahahahahaha. synarchy of molten bones, what does that even MEAN. i bet they just have a damn drum machine. there is no mystique hahahahaha. [citation needed hahahaha]

im just jelly that hasjarl can make good money at a normie job. i am jelly of any musician who does that. you get to be successful at work OR music, not BOTH. pick one AND ONLY ONE.

like these stupid musicians that get phds, or they have good jobs. i bet thats the reason dso never tours, is that he’s got a good job but its not so good that he can get weeks off at a time to play shows.

no i really have no idea. i do hope the album isnt a goddamn noisy overtechnical mess hahahahaha. how about some riffs and and melodies and not 600000000000000000 wanky bits slapped together. i thought that stuff was kewl when i was 25 hahahahaha but not anymore. so write riffs like you were 20 years old again, mannnnnn. and let mikko turn you into a nationalist. and let me make mikko into a HUHWHYTE nationalist hahahahaha.

no that really is a pretty good cover art tho.

but satan satan satan oooh orthodox esoteric satanism whoooooooo spoooooopy hahahahaha. who cares. he knows his shtick has gotten old hahahahahaha.

no i dont know why i am such an asshole to him hahahaha. prob just jelly. that he’s a normie nonvirgin nonnevergf AND he makes very influential music and he can get mikko to hang out with him. actually i BET mikko just stays in finland and records his vocals in his own “studio” and sends them to DSO aka “hasjarl.”

I DONT TRUST ANYONE WHOS NOT A NEVERGF. THESE NONNEVERGF NORMIES!!!!!!!!

I HATE NONVIRGINS AND NONNEVERGFS hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

and EVERYONE is either a nonnevergf or especially a nonvirgin!

well technically even I am a nonvirgin hahahaha. so i got that going for me hahaha.

6 jobs in 1 day, havent applied to a job in 10 days hahahaha. although i did have 3 interviews in that time, MOTHER FOOKER hahahaha.

sheeeeeeeeeit found rare ass FT job at big local employer. they have like 3 FT jobs a year, a ridic low number considering the number of employees and customers. used to work an easy job here for years. would LOVE to get another easy PT job just as kinda training wheels for me right now…….but i cant even get a PT job there yet. interviewed for  3 PT jobs there, turned down each time, have 4th pt job interview there this week. getting FT job there would be RIDICULOUS. to think i had a bigass chance at that TWO YEARS AGO. i remember talking about it with that woman. she said ohhh i really hope you get it. i really wanted to get it too!

took half dose of nyquil.

so, 8 jobs today. that is ridic damn good. not my highest ever but close. certainly a relative high, because i am lucky to get 4 done on one day. and havent done ONE in TEN days hehehehe. like a lazy NGR hahahahaha.

but yeah the job was open for like 2 weeks and it closes in 2 days and i was frustrated because this was the first i was seeing it because there is no way to get damn email alerts for these jobs. you either check the companies jobs sites or YOUR SCREWED. these jobs do NOT show up on indeed. ive set up indeed alerts for this company and get NOTHING.

well i bet they do that intentionally, to not get 9000000000000000000000000000000000000 applicants. not like you need the best of the best to do this 33k job. but i see that and i am like THIS IS PERFECT, get instant hardon. get a WAY bigger hardon for a 33k job than a 34k, 35k, or 40k job. closer to 26k, the better of a chance i have!

so yeah i applied for that the instant i saw it.

also cannot find the job on careerbuilder OR monster. ONLY the goddam company website itself.

heh. this is EXACTLY the type of job they would promise to some pt slob on the inside, but they HAVE To post it because rules. well….i shouldnt say pt slob, becuase the the pt slob deserves this job.

but i am a little butthurt that i worked there pt for FIVE YEARS and couldnt get an FT job there. just because i was an idiot who didnt PUSH hard enough.

and then when i PUSHED with that woman, i totally blew that.

i just dont know when to push and when not to push!

well shit. if i got another pt job there, i would PUSH alot harder! but getting a pt job there is not easy either!

weird thing is, i would get emails about jobs when i was a pt there………..but i dont remember many ft jobs that werent on the website. which was like 2 a year hahahaha.

so i shoulda PUSHED the HR department, and been like, put me on The List. Get me in The Pool. talk to my manager if you need approval.

they dont want to have alerts for their jobs, because that means more resumes to read!!!!!!!

and you are gonna find a good enough candidate whether you read 100 resumes or 1000. so that the Marginal value of reading one more resume drastically drops off after like # 100. what is that number? might even be #70 hahaha.

i tell you its NOT 1000!!!!!!!!

closer to 100 than it is to 1000!!!!!!

i mean this org does not have a ton of employees from muh university…..because the assholes from muh university go to much more presitigous places and wouldnt be caught dead working here!!!!