COMMON COURTESY IS A REASONABLE EXPECTATION

sept 14

i dont WANT an EXPLANATION of WHY, I already know WHY, that’s nothing. I jsut wanted to be treated nicer, like a human being, like i mattered, like our Rel mattered, like it was an important rel between two human beings. sheeeeeit i already know WHY. the WHY is not important. I just wanted more kindness and gentleness and less ice coldness hahahaha. treat me and our Past Rel with DIGNITY.

i dont are about why. i already KNOW why. case closed. i just wanted to know what she was thinking regarding hurting me. did you really WANT to HURT me? and WHY was THAT?

other thing: besides being humiliated on a personal level, i felt humiliated on a woring level: i failed at this job, while she succeeded at the same job. She could handle it, I couldn’t. She’s moving up, I’m moving down. I cant handle REAL LIFE as good as her. She is a winner, i am a loser, and losers like me dont deserve to associate with winners like her. and maybe thats why she rejected me so brutally on a personal level. because i was just inferior scum in every conceivable way. i was like the slimiest, most scheming little sleazy greasy joo to her.

and i think abotu how women Botch Relationships and Emotioanlly Overreact (I screwed up TOO but she screwed up WAY more), and I think, how the hell can women do JOBS and make 13 dollars an hour??? you need to make GOOD decisions! you need to have a record of excellence! you need to communicate clearly and decisively! women cant do this shit! they are like a 50 foot baby with a flamethrower! how can they be mature enough to handle a 13 an hour job, LET ALONE a 20 dollar an hour job??!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?

she never made flashcards! she never looked at old cases! she never studied when she went home! she never did homework! yet i failed and she succeeded! I wanted to know how shit worked, she just said idk lol! and got a man to help her! and she is the winner and i am the loser at life! FOOK THAT SHIT!!!! FOOK THIS GAY EARTH.mov

maybe i should embrace hating women like i embracing being a racist.

so i thought, well i dont even HATE other races, i just dont think races can coexist all that well. but women of my own race annoy the shit out of me just as much or even more than people of other races!

and this is not good, i thought. it jsut doesnt feel like something natural or sustainable the way being a racist feels pretty natural. i dont really WANT To hate women in other words.

also, for a man like me who wants so much to be a father and have children…..i dont think its a good idea for a Good Father to HATE WOMEN!!!!!!!

Good Fathers don’t hate women, they get along with women and teach their children how to get along with women!

so yeah in order to level up to pull good women, i need to learn how to deal with low level trash women on okcupid hahahaha.

i guess muh goals in life were never specific enough. find a nice gf. that became find a nice gf and make her muh waifu. as i got older. then that became have children with the waifu. and also get a 13 dollar an hour job with benefits and weekends off that doesnt drive me crazy. that is all.

maybe GOD is not calling me to be a father though. or even to be married. some people are called to be SINGLE 4 LYFE. Its just very weird though. cuz some of my biggest goals were to be married, have children. now GOD is telling me that i’m WRONG??!?!?! these arent horrible ungodly things! GOD LUVS marriage and family and so do I!!!!!!

but maybe  this is not what GOD has meant for me and my life. which is frustrating, because, like i just said, god LUVS marriage and family!

so i thought that well, maybe i’m supposed to be single and childless and I can still support marriage and family by…..doing marriage and family related work. it just seems frustrating though. that all these people can get married, have families and children, some of them are totally shitty too. and i’m meant to SUPPORT families, but i’m not allowed to have a family myself? it sounds CRUEL and SADISTIC!!!! like TORTURE!!!!! God doesnt just TEST us, he TORTURES us!!!!!!!! why the hell CANT I have a family?

well, besides I am totally not ready for it. but i really should be at this age. I mean realistically i have too many ISSUES to be a husband and father. unfortunately. but its the truth.

also, i want to know if i did something terrible, SO I DONT DO IT AGAIN IN THE FUTURE!!!!!!!

i dont want to fook things up this bad again!!!!!!

but again thats an unknown. most likely i didnt do anything horribly wrong, like lie or cheat where i really AM the bad guy at fault. sometimes that shit DOES happen. sometimes it IS your fault.  sometimes you ARE the bad guy.

it would have almost been better if she said YOUR THE BAD GUY, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

heh. maybe.

i hate making mistakes, but i might hate NOT KNOWING if i made a mistake or not even MORE!

i mean if i ever get feelings for a friend again, i WILL handle it differently, namely, tell them assertively and quickly.

oh yeah. when women think “ALL GUYS LOOK AT PORN.”

WRONG! so yeah that is triggering. they havent met me yet! I dont look at porn because it is jooish filth that ruins women and men! poisons the mind and soul!!!! i actively do NOT watch porno and can’t imagine wanting to watch it EVER AGAIN!!!!!! its DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!

applied for 5th job today. army related job. administering asvab tests hahahaha. 15 an hour. found out it was casual/intermittent, meaning no benefits. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. thats the whole reason to get a fedgov job!

well i did not see that until i was 80% done with the grueling 16 minute application hahahaha.

NOTE: the first time you apply for a USAJOBS job, it will take MUCH longer to build your superresume, get all your shit together etc.

all guys do not look at porn, just the manly men you date hahahahaha

omega male sex negative neets think porn is disgusting degeneracy hahahahaha but we are invisible to women so…..

Women SHOULD be CAUTIOUS, they can get PREGNANT!!!!!

BE MORE CAUTIOUS! SHOW MORE CAUTION! DISCRETION!

how can someone with the maturity level of a CHILD make an ABOVE AVERAGE INCOME???? make WAY MORE THAN ME?

also it sucks when they are much more mature with other people, and super immature with you.

then you wonder, what did I do, so I don’t do it again!

but what you did was not super duper offensive, but just basic bitch communication mistakes.

besides, if you are doing something SUPER wrong, like lying or cheating…….you usually KNOW it, and you think, welp, I can GET AWAY with this, they’ll never find out. nothing like that here.

TEN dollar an hour job where posting calls for EIGHTY wpm typing. i have 60.

EIGHTY words a minute for TEN dollars an hour. 

wtf?

113 people applied, so i should apply too hehehehe.

i have a great SUPPORT SYSTEM, so why the hell am i so insecure and unstable and struggling and on the edge?

i have to remember, i dont hate all women. this woman i see at my weekly game, she is very nice and good and i like her and she doesnt annoy me. when i first met her, she kind of annoyed me a little but now i totally appreciate and like her. too bad i am not in luv with her hahahaha. i really didnt have any of that interest in her. not a slut either. darn near asexual which was starting to become weird…..but in the past few years she met a good decent man and they are getting married. pretty much a perfect situation there. he is pretty masculine and not a niceguy wimp pvssy like me, but i get the idea that he has morals and was not a degen womanizer at any point.

separate website for FBI jobs, they are not posted on USAJOBS………i dont think.

ok applied for gs05, 32k level job with air force. it specialist hahahahaha. now this is more like it. there are some fedgov bennies hahahaha. however no specific openings at my local air force base. might never be an opening hhehehe.

ok 6 jobs for today hehehe good enough.

well 7 would be better but i am getting back on the horse. i mean SHEEEEEEEIT, i might have to get to 600 jobs. at 600 i will start sucking dicks for recruiters until i become blacklisted by every recruiter in town. there are a lot of recruiters in town! sometimes it seems there are more recruiters than nonrecruiters hahahaha.

anyway im saying it would take MANY YEARS for me to burn through every recruiter in town.

but yeah it bothers me that a person can be more successful than me yet be a lot more immature than me…..and i am pretty immature.

also, i was the one putting myself out there. she wasnt really putting herself out there at all. she COULD HAVE. in the sense that it would have took some agency and initiative to Respond to the Request, and say Listen, I’m Not Interested, Let’s End this in a good way.

but no she just shut down entirely.

i did not shut down entirely regarding HER.

i did kinda shut down regarding my job and my life.

but its impossible to communicate or deal with a person who SHUTS DOWN.

basically, she shut down, I didnt. I was begging her not to shut down.

yeah, i shouldnt have BEGGED…….but jeez. if someone is begging you, just humor them. i dunno. ive never had anyone BEG me before. I imagine i would write them an email hahahahha.

SHE SHUT DOWN, I DIDNT.

you cant do anything with someone who shuts down. cant communicate, cant make the best of a bad situation. shutting down is abotu the worst communication there is. i did bad communication but not this bad. i didnt shut down.

how can SHE make more money than me and be more successful at life than me???!?!?!?!?!

and in relships too. she had a 4 year relship that could have resulted in marriage. i have never had a long term monog committed rel with a woman, ever.  that in itself is a damn red flag to women, and i have to damn lie about it essentially, or just avoid talking about it.

but i also feel like i havent been given a fair CHANCE. give me a CHANCE and dont GIVE UP and WALK OUT on me. im not THAT bad!!!!!!!! i honestly believe that! im not perfect but im not THAT bad!!!!!!!

i dont SHUT DOWN. I’ll write you a longass email before I shut down. Or leave you a 5 minute voice mail of me rambling. i will tell you whats on my mind in great detail!!!!!!!!! look at this blog!!!!!!

http://www.theabsolute.net/misogyny/onwomen.html

dont look for a redpilled woman, you wont find a decent one. just find a nice decent wholesome woman who has not taken too many dix and you can make her redpilled.

i have known this for a while, i am very comfortable being the red pill person hahahaha. just want a wholesome, moral, decent, nice, woman, thats all.

fook politics, fook redpills, fook race, fook music, fook taste, fook coolness. dont sweat the small stuff hehehe.

she will prove her race loyalty simply by not being interested in fooking nonwhites. and OF COURSE she WILL say something like “but Im not racist, i swear!” im not so autistic any more that I want a woman to say “yes Im proud to be a racist!” for a woman, thats just WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!! for a man, its pretty cool tho.

its very similar to when i was young, i thought it would be so cool to find a waifu who liked METAL. now im smart enough to know that would be a fooking clusterfook. it would be similar to find a full on 1488 waifu. they would prob be bipolar, borderline, and fooking ingras in 6 months.

note: i don’t think That Woman was Over the line crazy like that. she was acceptable levels of normie female crazy. she just greatly disappointed me is all. she is still way less evil than average. a good person who did something very disappointing to me. shit i would take her back in an instant hahahahaha.

i mean women are just not good at making real world judgments and doing things in the real world. yet they make shitloads more money at jobs in the real world. when they have no real SKILL in the real world! i mean when it comes to SERIOUS shit in the real world,  you’d be a fool to trust a woman! they jsut dont have it! and i dont say that to be mean! its just the way it is! its just not a good match for them! their skill set is elsewhere! namely, raising children. and heres the thing, that can of course be extremely compromised as well. in the current year. so many times it appears that many women are good for absolutely NOTHING.

i mean many women in the real world are literally good for absolutely nothing. its sad and horrifying and it didnt have to be that way.

and that woman, she was not one of those worthless women. like i say, i hurts a lot more to be rejected by the good, decent women. those are the ones that take longest to get over. because something of great value was lost. as opposed to something of no value. or negative value hahahaha.

i guess i should meditate on this real life woman i know who is not a piece of garbage, but actually a decent, good, wholesome, moral person. nope she is not redpilled, nope she is not politically minded, yes she likes the worst music and tv shows and movies ever.  but she has good morals, has lived according to those morals, and would make a good wife and mother. perfect. i am not attracted to her but i wish I were. well actually not, because she is getting married and good for them i say. its about time. really she’s getting married a little late at like age 29 or 30, but better late than never in her case.

so whenever i think of That Woman, i should replace her with thoughts of This Woman. Yes.

and i dont think even if you cut muh balls off it would even help. my secsual libido is not the problem. its loving people who are gone, unavailable, and never luved me.

ok want to get in at least 2 applications before my afternoon powerwalk hahaha.

ok got in 3 but they were so low energy. local shitty hospital using ultipro ATS. it kinda incentivizes low energy applications. 3 to 5 minutes each. can only have one resume/packet on there at a time. ideally this is ideal, and employers wouldnt care if you only took 3 minutes on an app vs 30 minutes. but of course they do. and if you spend only 3 minutes, you will get screened out.

yeah tv is really triggering. i usually have it on as background noise……..but i really SHOULDNT. this is not a value added strategy hahahaha.

got 3 apps in real quick. the jobs.com site said full time but 2 were ACTUALLY part time. i dont think this is intentional. i think it is just basic incompetence from whoever manages the jobs.com postings. basic bitch not knowing how to do your job so you just Fudge It and pretend like you know what youre doing…..even though you have no idea of best practices. this is very common. this is the norm hahahaha. norm 4 normies. normies gonna norm hahahahaha.

ok time for powerwalk.

ok did 4.18 mile pwalk. listened to azzmador talking with grandpa lampshades.

ok this isnt the exact one but i should listen to this one.

they are both total laid back southern gentlemen, i have difficulty telling them apart hahahaa except azzmador has a slightly deeper voice. but i love this laid back, polite, friendly, southern hospitality.

very j00 wise alt right type guys who each do their own podcasts but not on trs. but i am sure they approve of trs. they are not renegade tier or anything hahahahaha.

heh. if i am going to have children i cant afford, i might as well do that with some woman i am madly in luv with and would never want to leave hahahaha. of course she could veyr well want to leave me!

because honestly i cant EVER imagine being ABLE to afford children!

heh. i could probably smoke MJ all day, then take the next 2 days off, and then my system would be clear to pass a drugs test. thats pretty good right?

ok how about 3 days.

really the best think i can do is powerwalking hahaha. i wish i was as good about lifting. but powerwalking is my strength, muh skill set, and i want to be the best powerwalker i can be hahaha.

the other thing i naturally do is writing this trash……………… and tbh the powerwalking is a lot BETTER FOR ME.

the writing CAN be good SOMETIMES but it can EASILY go both ways.

the walking cannot. the walking is ALWAYS good. cant go wrong. win win.

these women are NIHILISTIC and SOCIOPATHIC. the horrible lives they lead. the empty, shallow relationships. the things they value. MORAL INVERSION. NIHILISTIC and SOCIOPATHIC. treating people like OBJECTS.

i have been antsy since not having an interview is a while. and i am at 18.5 and i need to get to at LEAST 25. meaning 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, and 24 are all gonna be worthless. other than getting me one closer to magic 25.

but 25 isnt magic! like i say, on the whole, i feel i do PRETTY GOOD on interviews! i mean i dont SLAM DUNK it, but i still feel i do well enough to get an offer before 25!

bridget jones baby? a 50 year old slut with tons of grotesque plastic surgery creating a miserable innocent life out of her 50 year old adolescent sluttery? absolutely disgusting! if i didnt have the tv on i would never have seen that bullshit movie commercial!

women cannot give good advice basically. if you ever need HELP with figuring something out, god forbid you go to a woman. they might mean well, but my god they cannot give good advice. they MIGHT mean well though. that does count for something. but dear god dont take their awful advice. what makes /r/relships so shitty is all the WOMEN chiming in with their shitty advice. i need a MEN ONLY forum. but not necessarily a MGTOW or got forbid GAME forum. but 99% of Men Only forums are going to be MGTOW, MRA, or Game.

well, not TRS though. but TRS doesn’t have a relationship section. but they should hahahahaha.

MAYBE I SHOULD START IT hahahahaha.

I think it would go over better than me starting a Neet Section.

but I DO like having a Neet Blog which is very Alt Right!

like women will tell you that college and career is more important than a rel, and encourage people to break up just because theyre YOUNG and those early relships NEVER work out, you have a chance for a great FUTURE by getting into a Top 50 school, so just break up with so and so even though u luv them. bullshit advice like that.

women are so BLUE PILL on things like college. they were encouraging another woman who had left a 45k a year job so she could go back to COLLEGE and become a TEACHER. holy SHIT.  thats exactly the kind of bad advice women give. because you’ll be so glad you got your teaching degree and now make 20k a year with part time sub jobs and no health care. babysitting feral black chirren.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/52xouc/recently_my_girlfriend_20_f_and_i_19_m_of_25/

not a lot of commentary right now. but i want more people to say yeah she is really an ice cold bitch, not “it doesnt matter, youre not entitled to anything.” no, of course he’s not, but IT WOULD BE NICE if she could DIGNIFY A 3 YEAR RELSHIP by not meeting these sleazy new friends, staying up till 6 am, going on tinder right in front of him. show some COURTESY for the HEART you are breaking and the Long Term Relationship you are Single Handedly Ending, I would tell her.

dont tell him “its over, get over it.”

yes of COURSE he should go no contact but give him some moral support at least. damn. judge her behavior as shitty and sleazy!!!!!!! judge her as the bad guy here!!!!!! because she is!!!!!!!!!!!

now i dont talk too much shit about That Woman. Sometimes sure. but not overall. most of this is just me grieving and moaning and whining. but i can’t say what a shitty person she was…….because she wasnt. she was honestly a good decent wholesome person who just dropped the ball here and disappointed me greatly. but it wasnt because she was a shitty, horrible person. she just fight or flight and shut down. she could be a great wife and mother to a different man.

ok i turned off the tv and am listening to beethovens 1st symphony. not sure why. just wanted some classical music symphony fast. something that wasnt too jooish. and that is a symphony.

she doesnt NEED to consider your feelings. again, technically correct, but to tell the guy that…..that is weak womanly advice. no, she doesnt need to, but she SHOULD, after 2-3 YEARS, show him some god damn COMMON COURTESY.

COMMON COURTESY IS A REASONABLE EXPECTATION.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/52wdvu/i_31m_am_having_an_extremely_hard_time_moving_on/

she wants to be just friends, he thinks he needs to go no contact and cant do just friends because she broke up with him and he still wants her. he sees her at bar, is drunk, gets emotional, now he’s the bad guy. come on. meanwhile she’s tweeting about fooking strangers off tinder. god damn. so he’s supposed to be cool with the love of his life dumping him and fooking randos. and hes the bad guy for getting upset once. come on.

COMMON COURTESY from the woman is a reasonable expectation. not tweeting about EVIL DEGENERATE NIHILISTIC SOCIOPATHIC casual secs and being a filthy, degenerate whore. he has every right to be upset. yes he should go no contact.

so yeah. whatever happened to common courtesy. human decency. early termination fee. treat the person youre dumping with respect and kindness because THIS HURTS THEM.

casual secs IS unqualifiably degenerate, and she wants to throw away something good and wholesome, to do degenerate filth. of course he has a right to be upset.

at the very least she shouldn’t be pushing him to be friends, to understand that he is hurt, and needs no contact.

what did SHE do when Chad dumped her? probably some really shameful things trying to get chad back! and then fooked a bunch of casuals when chad laughed in her face!

now she’s pissed at the guy SHE dumped because he’s having a hard time with it? what a fookin coont!!!!!

and when this bitch on reddit says yeah you did act like an asshole, he responded with yeah i know i feel so bad about it, i know i should apologize to her etc etc. i downvoted the bitch hahaha.

common courtesy. human decency. part of the social contract of having a relship is NOT BEING A PIECE OF SHIT WHEN YOU END THE REL.

HAVING THE RIGHT TO SINGLE HANDEDLY END THE REL SHOULD COME WITH THE RESPONSIBILITY OF NOT BEING A PIECE OF SHIT WHEN YOU END IT. 

so many women didnt get that memo. too immature.

and i dont care if i am making a should statement. THIS SHOULD BE A SHOULD STATEMENT!!!!!

STAND FOR SOMETHING OR YOU WILL FALL FOR ANYTHING.

STAND UP FOR WHATS RIGHT, GOOD, JUST, TRUE, AND BEAUTIFUL.

DONT BE A PIECE OF SHIT.

DONT BE A NIHILISTIC SOCIOPATH.

DONT BE A JOO.

now that is the type of lecturing i can support!

i would be a great lecturer. sermonizer.

oh but they broke up 4 months ago so everybody should be KEWL, thats plenty of time to get comfortable with the love of your life dumping you, without willing to work on it, and fook randoms, and youre the bad guy to get upset at that and not want to be her platonic friend and hear about her degen secs life. god damn fooking degenerates. i am this close to private messaging the guy and telling him he is totally in the right and not to listen to that bitch that said “he definitely fooked up”. fook that bitch!

RELATIONSHIP BILL OF RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES.

you HAVE to include the Ending Terms in their too.

THE ENDING IS PART OF THE RELATIONSHIP.

so yeah it IS her concern, it IS her business. if she can end it on her whim, then she has to put forth good faith, good will, and effort to do the WORK necessary to end it at her whim. and that involves human decency, common courtesy, and not being a piece of shit. wow. i guess if you ask for that, then you are the bad guy.

you’re the bad guy if you think casual secs is degenerate and bad and a terrible way to finish off a beautiful LTR.

cuz its all the same, theres no good or bad or right or wrong.

and this is 30 year old people with professional careers, level 2 and above making 60k a year, saying all this disgusting shit.

FOOK THIS GAY EARTH!

and she has NO IDEA why the guy is upset! unbelievable! a 29 year old woman with the maturity of a 12 year old and she makes more money than i ever will!!!! unbelieveable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED!!!

DUMP PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE DUMPED!!!!!

how can all these WOMEN not even BEGIN to understand that????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

no not all women. but a good 50% of them hahahahaha.

half of them are in this basket of deplorables hahahahahaha

its amazing you have to shout these Things I Learned In Kindergarten to Grown Fooking Women.

well remember its not all women. only HALF of women, hahaha.

oh but the ending isnt part of the relationship, these sneaky little j’s claim. i dont have ANY responsibilities the second i say “im done” and walk out.

that is an extremely JOOISH view of humanity and human relations. all these sneaky little loopholes, just like a joo trying to joo you out of service. sorry goy thats not in the contract. here’s the thing, there is no real contract. no exchanges, no refunds, no service, thanks for the money, chump!

theyve turned our women into sneaky little joos!!!!!!

i dont want to talk to women, i dont want to read womens stupid thoughts. the only time i will listen to a woman is if she is being NICE and PLEASANT. women CAN be good at that when they want to be. having just utterly harmless, charming, nice small talk, just being damn NICE. its really not that hard. doesnt take a lot of effort, energy, or creativity. just be nice. dont be an annoying, unscrupulous joo.

sept 2016: i keep hearing hearsay that millennial woes got a ladyfriend and that it is makign him more confident and masculine. I HOPE SO!!! GOOD FOR YOU LAD!!!!!!

I luv MW but havent listened to him lately cuz i dont luv the hangouts. anyway i would be VERY happy if he got a nondegen waifu, he DESERVES a good waifu, and indeed it would help him become an even better man…..as waifus can potentially do. shit it would help ME!

sept 16

yeah so i dont care that mw had a gay past, except that it makes him kinda neurotic and despairing and has consequences for his current mental/emo health, but he can certainly mitigate those consequences, and i believe he has done that. now i just hope his gf isnt a degen bitch who dumps him and breaks his heart because that could really set him back. i know. hahahahaha. remember he also fell in luv with a WOMAN before and when she rejected him, that broke his heart for YEARS and that hurt him a LOT. ive been there hahahaha.

i mean yeah this is what i am obsessed with. muh white whale. muh wheelhouse. relships between men and women. period. that is what i should do my career in. period.

so funny. for most normies this is just an accepted part of life. you get a gf and bang and sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesnt, but you just keep going until at age 25 you find someone you could probably marry and then you marry them, have children, and maybe they divorce you in 5-10 years.

but theres no need to study and obsess and analyze because you know you have the tools to be in a serious LTR because you’ve been in them before or you’re in one now!

since i have never been, i just don’t know that i have the Tools. and that is part of my obsession, studying How Women Are, and How Men Are, and the nuts and bolts of communication, problem solving etc.

when REALLY, i probably ALREADY HAVE the Tools i need, i just havent found the right woman. who is willing to let me use those tools hahaha.  because they were never WILLING. they were not OPEN, they just wanted to WALK AWAY. because they Just Werent That Into Me. but it they WERE, then I would have the Tools and the Communication Skills to make it last at least a year!

but yeah these normie women are like ROBOTS. date a guy, fook him, fall in “luv”, get some abortions, fall out of luv, dump him, and IMMEDIATELY start the whole process again with a new guy. it sounds both EXHAUSTING and DISGUSTING. how can you do that? how can people be so interchangeable to you? how can this “closeness” be so casual and meaningless????!!?!?! its NIHILISTIC AND SOCIOPATHIC!!!! and exhausting and disgusting hahaha and grotesque and horrifying, very blackpill.

but maybe IM the fooked up one because i take this shit too SERIOUSLY!!!!! and when i get heartbroken it takes TWO YEARS to get over them! whereas with NORMIES it takes 2 months before they are fooking other degens!

hehehehe i luv muh waifus literally TWELVE TIMES more than normie degen women luv their men!!!!!

but yeah it makes me think that normie degens incl half of women just dont Luv People the same way I do. or at least at much less of an intensity. And when the difference in Degree is Twelvefold, it may as well be a difference in Kind!!!! a different kind of luv!!!!!!!!

and how do you have a real sustainable LTR when you luv them TWELVE TIMES more than they luv you??!?!?!

that gives them absolute power over you and spells IMMINENT DOOM for the rel. period. they WILL leave you and you WILL be devastated for the next 2 years. what a terrible way to LIVE hahahaha.

basically i need to find another WEIRDO whos luv meter is turned way up to 12 in order to have a lasting thing where i dont get dumped because a huge interest mismatch!!!!

heh all this is not productive writing at all. it is pretty much a nonstop circle of Negative Thoughts. and i need to Rip Out negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts, by any means necessary.

even at the expense of Truth!

like how i should replace all thoughts of That Woman with This Other Woman I know who is very very nice and wholesome and is getting married soon. just cut and paste. i should also cut and paste with some sort of positive replacement to the negative thoughts that FILL this blog.

powerwalking is good.

well, not ALL of this post is bad!

WHEN I AM MAKING SERMONIZING STATEMENTS LIKE THIS, those are usually pretty good. even the righteous anger ones. there is nothing inherently negative about righteous anger!

despair, however, yes. that is INHERENTLY BAD.

righteous anger good. despair bad.

so, when i am going into despair or other negative realm, then switch it with something positive: thinking of this wholesome woman, statements of righteous anger, powerwalking, or something productive like Job Searching. cranking out the Apps. getting closer to 500-600. how about 550 hahahahahaha.

job apps themselves cause both righteous anger (good) and despair (bad.) i guess the solution there is, once again, maximize the good and minimize the bad.

turn the brain from a negative thought machine, to a negative thought killing machine!!!!!

so here is a remaster of ulvers classic nattens madrigal. i dont usually like remasters and i dont have anything against the intentionally raw production of the original, which is really not that bad………BUT my concern is literally for hearing and ear health. you could literally damage your hearing with this album, even though it is actually very clear in terms of being able to comprehend and ingest the music. and is quite listenable!

but that high end is just so maxed out that it hurts the ear. i feel this 2014 remaster might be a bit more forgiving while jsut as listenable.

its also got demo versions of some of the tracks which is great. the demos sound great EXCEPT they dont have any vocals, and garm was truly a gifted BM singer.

it just sucks thinking that all of your life goals:  getting a good waifu, having children, and having a job to support that family that doesnt drive you to self-destructive madness, that all these goals are out of your reach. the best you can hope for is a 12 dollar an hour deadend job and then you get your outside-of-work satisfaction by smoking MJ, powerwalking, listening to podcasts and music, and dnating to 1488 causes. which are not bad things, well probably the MJ is, but you just cant stop thinking about the nice waifu and the family you want to have, but youre just too old and fooked up to be able to attain that.

ok stop those are despairing thoughts, lets replace them with righteous anger or job seraching or powerwalking or other positive thoughts or actions.

well i just came back from a 4.2 miles powewalk. listened to natt’s alcoholocaust ep 1 which wasnt as good as i expected. its just a mess and i cant even understand the bantz. i mean these are all good guys but still.

garm was 20 years old when they did nattens madrigal damn. now did he actually write the guitar riffs and such? i mean that is pretty important to me hahahaha. or was it that guy haavard who went on to do nothing special afterwards? i am sure garm knows how to handle a guitar, its really not hard, the important thing is having some sense of songwriting skill, which i never really had, and which i am sure he does.

ok i am gonna apply to this health system job, and while doing so, update my cover letter, which will add about 15 minutes or 10 to the apply time, but i have to measure this WORK somehow. because it is important, measureable, billable, measureable, timeable work that I am totally entitled to COUNT.

un fooking believeable. a super huge application, already at 45 minutes, longest ever, doing a phaggy ass personality test and intelligence test, when the internet goes out in the middle of the test. i am actually happy to do intelligence tests to prove that i am intelligent, and if it gives me like a 1 in 10 chance of getting an interview (as opposed to the usual 1 in 25 chance)….but god damn this is frustrating.

had to reboot compt to get internet connected again. i blame windows 10. 77 minutes total. a new record!

ok. assuming 15% of the job application time could be added to calculated how much time it takes to FIND the jobs (ie, going through lists, reading postings, and decided yes i should apply, vs, no way, dont even waste your time), in other words, about 2 minutes for every 13 minute application, ie 15 minutes total; and 1.5 hours spent on each interview (prob a little low tbh; we are including travel time, interview time, and im not sure about prep/study time), for 18.5 interviews, and 418 applications, we are up to  132 hours total for the entire job search. really a little LOW tbh fam. on $1716 worth of time at $13 an hor, although more realistically my price should be more like 12 an hour.

sorry i meant 419 jobs so far. please dont fire me.

so i was listening to the am grey podcast on feminism, and adams waifu said she was disturbed seeing a man and a woman holding hands where the womans hand was on top, and they used that as a powerful symbol that men are passive and not leading anymore.

i thought DAMN, the women I’ve been associated with would just DUMP ME before even GETTING to that point!!!!!

they wouldnt stick around long enough to LET that happen! they would have ALREADY dumped me for being a wimpy passive spineless doormat!

so why are these women not just walking out on these men? wouldn’t they get disgusted the first time they put their hand on top, and say, im done with you, you weak wimp?

that was what i was asking. i have been dumped for MUCH LESS. why are these women staying with these phaggots in the first place?

i cant even remember how i held hands with women, its been like 11 years since i held hands with a woman hahahaha.

saw a profile picture on soundcloud of somebody who photoshopped dat boi into the famous vietnam photo of the running people being napalmed and the little naked girl. dat boi had replaced the naked girl.

ok finally found it

2016-09-16_20h39_22

YOURE WELCOME hahahahaha

updated Standard Cover Letter with Sentence explaining Employment Gap. ok there. not much more I can do about that. But I think its a small, maybe larger than small, improvement on something that was already damn good and should be more than enough to get me a 13 an hour job.

ok i swear i wont go lower than 12 an hour hahahaha.  so i guess i am at 12-13 now depending on my mood hahahaha.

good thing SHE is making like 16 an hour!

but i dont know that!

but there’s a 75% chance she is!

ok so what does it MATTER then?

because like i said 100000000000000000 times, i dont like her BEATING me at the game of life!

why not?

because i hate her proving she is BETTER than me.  because it adds INSULT TO INJURY.

why?

because she injured me, now she is insulting me.

why?

see now we are getting into the circular part.

yeah i know THEORETICALLY it doesnt matter.

but IN THE REAL WORLD, it ABSOLUTELY DOES MATTER how much money people make, and how women view men who make less money than they do. they view them as totally worthless and inferior.

i dont view people in those terms. but im not a woman. im not PROGRAMMED to care about status in that way!

i mean as a male i do care about ranking and hierarchy………but not in that same visceral sexual or loving way. i know what peoples status is In The Real World, but I know it has no real bearing on their worth as a person.

but it has VERY REAL BEARING on their worth in the MATING MARKET!!!!!!!!1

and the mating market is VERY important to me because one of my MAIN LIFE GOALS is to find  a good wife and have CHILDREN!!!!!!!!

so thats WHY all this shit MATTERS so much!!!!!!!

i am apparently an abuser because i notice slutty behavior and call sluts sluts. thats what abusers do. nonabusers dont have the word slut in their vocabulary hahahaha.

THE TIME HAS COME WHERE I/YOU NEED TO MEET NEW WOMEN

for sat april 15

now: sept 6 2016

sept 7 2016

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

yeah i have been physically not too great, mentally/emo not too great either since coming back from muh “vacation.” hehehehe. when I got back I promptly went to bed for 16 hours. the next day I was still tired and had aches and pains all over the body. i had done some lifting and carrying of stuff but it really didnt seem bad enough to produce such soreness!

also had annoying borderline water faucet colon which i usually only get in the morning after drinking a lot of coffee too fast, but here it lasted all day and that was very annoying. couldnt even enjoy a nice powerwalk without thinking im gonna shart muh pants.

have been getting sharper “carpal tunnel” pains lately. this has been going on for at least a year but the last couple days its been more noticeable. it is honestly probably enough to get me a medical MJ recommendation for “chronic pain”!!!!! not even joking.

was taking pepto bismol which usually helps with the watery #2’s, but didnt seem to help much yesterday. at the end of the day was very tired. not just low energy, but darn exhausted, even though i hadn’t done anything. slept pretty well again but could have slept longer if i hadnt forced self.

yassss got new shoes from zappos, they seem to fit well. i mean my current shoes are just terrible. they are SO worn down, but really all on one side, so the shoes are very lopsided and diagonal and that cant be good for the foot.  i mean i should have upgraded these shoes months ago. i hope i havent done permanent damage hahahaha. basically i am an overpronator and the outside of the shoe gets worn down much much much more.

but yeah i just felt like i was 80 years old hahahaha.

THANK GOD for the new shoes though. this is my typical thing though. wait way too long to replace stuff that should be replaced. or get haircut. or clothes.

honestly cant stop pooping. this is ridiculous.

new shoes feel gr8! that is awesome. very good. THANK GOD. because this is a privilege most people dont have. buying new shoes when they need them.

yeah so i wore the shoes and took a 3.2 mile walk and the shoes were great.

388 days since i sent her the last contact. i figure 400 days is a nice round number. nicer than 365. but a YEAR is a nice round period of time. why arent years 400 days hahahaha.

422 days since i last talked to her, abotu 419 days since i last SAW her.

theres a thought that I should address Muh Egregious Red Flag Employment Gap in muh cover letter. I am open to doing this.

fdfdfgfg

hg

hgh

ghghghgh

ok. gave this one a try because i liked the cover art hahahaha. wanted to see how the production and songwriting compares to “ashes against the grain.” there seems to be more blasting in a blatant black metal style on Marrow of the spirit, so, I like that. now the SOUND on MOTS is really interesting. I think I like it, it’s definitely provocative so yeah that’s good. the drums sound a little weird and the guitars sound very “warm” and fuzzy. the whole thing sounds rawer and more underproduced than I was expecting, not in a bad way of course.

it sounds like they intentionally tried to make their sound more “raw” or “live” or “organic”, and in theory, I am always in support of this.

heh. finally applied for job. 30k county job. i prefer to apply for the 26k county jobs, but i have gotten interviewed for a 42k county job!

i want to work for you because you have a MF day shift, weekends off, no overtime, 37.5 hour work week, and bennies. so its a good fit for me because i dont handle stress or pressure well hahahahahaha. or customers. thats why i have to be high on xanax all day at work hahahahahaha.

no obviously i don’t actually often USE benzos. i brought 3 valiums with me to our little vacation, and i completely FORGOT about them. sheeeeit. they may have come in handy when i was freaking out because of the MJ! which is the entire reason I brought the valium!!!!!

i am very close to the cusp of focusing hardcore on temp/staffing agencies. recruiters for temp jobs.

because the only people that will “take a chance” on such a RISKY person as me, are the absolutely bottom of the barrel shittiest jobs that will hire ANYONE……or MAYBE jobs where the job contract is limited. temporary. finite. temp. if the person sucks, they will be gone soon.

also if i go a week without an interview, the confidence def goes down. as you get 2 or 3 rejection emails a day hahahaha.

heh. if i got rejected by WOMEN like this, I would have even less confidence hahahaha.

or maybe i just wouldnt care and would bullshit the things i am supposed to bullshit to get women to spread for muh dick hahahahahaha. maybe it would actually be EASIER.

yeah that sounds woman hating, but You Women really DO give it up to easily and don’t have the appropriate RESPECT for SECS, like your biological role in secs. I dont NEED to have as much respect for secs, because men just dump sperm. the costs and risks and responsibilities are much higher for women. RESPECT that.

ok forced my way thru 2 applications. again i am getting discouraged here so i am not applying to “reach” stuff with muh dream orgs unless they are fairly low paying…..and of course these jobs skew towards high paying.

unbelievable. company sending a pdf for me to complete…..but its not an editable pdf. they literally want me to print it out, fill it out by hand, then scan it, then send THAT pdf back. this is a fairly big company where that shit is blatantly embarrassing.

so instead I am converting the pdf to a jpg and trying to edit it in paint. not working so well. with the text boxes and shit.

this is truly a very good album!

it took me basically the whole album just to fill out that shit. using pixlr to add text boxes, rasterize, and draw little circles. unbelievable. they are looking for skills in VISIO and PROJECT which i technically have hahaha yet their goddam Talent Acquisition Team can’t make a pdf editable. absolutely disgraceful. See, I would volunteer my personal time after work to make the pdf editable so they wouldnt have to pay me for that work.

plus i get to show extreme ingenuity and cleverness and problem solving with this pdf to jpg, pixlr, jpg to pdf nonsense, hahahaha. sending them back a pdf that was 8 times larger in size than the one they sent me hahahaha.

because they couldnt do any of this with plain text, saying, answer all of these questions in your reply email. nooooooo that would be too easy.

or god forbid have something in the taleo applicant tracking system THEY ALREADY HAVE AND USE.

but yeah. then they wanted me to explain in the REPLY EMAIL any Gaps in the past 7 years, and also all Reasons For Separation in the past 7 years. I guess I should be glad they didnt ask for 20 years!

but this implies they are gonna read the email……so why demand the shitty, shitty pdf as well?

just to make shit more difficult and weed out the weak.

so I will be PISSED if this doesnt result in an interview.

i added an extra 20 minutes to the spreadsheet for the amount of time it took to apply for this job.

thinking SEARS might be a better place than jcpenneys for me hahahaha.

just looking for t-shirts that have like STRIPES or patterns or some shit, that is not a damn “graphic tee.”

something that is more interesting than just a solid color t shirt, which is what i usually wear, but that is kinda boring!

interesting. what gets me most worked about That Woman is not really thoughts of her spending time and being nice to other men, and loving them and cuddling with them, but really the more x rated stuff, like her sucking dick, fooking her, her sitting on their face and them licking her asshole, hahahahahahahaha. banging her from behind, banging her from the front, tongue in the mouth, her sighing and breathing heavy and getting juice all over. that real porno stuff, which isnt even all porno stuff, but actual real life secs stuff. that is what gets me angery.

that is the sort of stuff that gets me all hot and bothered!

anyway of course i should not be thinking about it at all.

but yeah i have no interest in other women. occasionally i will see a young qt i want to bang but not super often. and i would STILL want to bang HER moar!!!!!!

stupid shit really.

basically i cant ever imagine WANTING another woman as much as her, and also that i will never STOP wanting her!

i mean yeah it has gotten better. and yeah i DID eventually stop wanting those other women. it just took like 2 years hahahaha. and it hasnt been 2 years with this woman yet.

just no interest in women other than to maybe opportunistically bang unmarriageable sluts. great. and never fully exorcise the memory of HER. because I always got along with HER best, we had the most special best connection.

yeah well if it was so good, how come she couldnt even send me a damn text message and just say awwwww im sorry ok now im blocking you sorry.

or have her family or our mutual friend send that message to me for her.

but yeah that connection! even if it was just for me. how am I ever gonna feel that way about someone else ever again? and that is what I WANT to feel for muh wife, the mother of muh children!

yeah it def was the worst heartbreak.

the OBVIOUS ANSWER to how do i forget about HER is……….MEET NEW WOMEN!!!!!!!!!! THE TIME HAS COME where I NEED to MEET NEW WOMEN!!!!!!!!

of coursh I have never ever really liked meeting new people. it is not fun. men or women.

some people, normies and chads, actually LIKE meeting new people and think its FUN.

i have no interest in meeting people unless its a young woman and they are qt and seem NICE.

how hard is it to be nice? not very, but many people seem to think so.

hearing about this guys GF who is like 19 years old and NOBODY likes her. she has “no personality”.

i thought, so what if she has “no personality,” That Woman didn’t have much of a personality, usually if a woman has a strong personality, that means she’s bitchy and obnoxious. no thank you. just have a not-strong personality and be nice. be pleasant. i’m thinking this young girl is both no personality AND not really nice or pleasant either. jeeeez. how unpleasant do you have to be as a 19 year old gurl to have nobody like you??!?!?!?! also I have heard she is not terribly good looking either.

meanwhile i found, once upon a time, a nice, qt, woman that everybody liked because she was NICE and had a GOOD personality.

with men its harder. you have to have an ACTUAL personality, and NOT Just Be Nice. i guess I cant be mad about that, thats just nature.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/51tj9x/me_23_m_with_my_ex_girlfriend_22_f_for_about_2/

dramatic breakup story, he cant get over ex, who blocked him, but they had their problems, also she talked to him a lot more and prob would have been willing to give him some closure

spet 9

well i have learned from /r/relships/ that women indeed have some agency and are not to be regarded as total BABIES.

(every single attractive young woman on linkedin is a GOD DAMN RECRUITER.)

anyway, not to get off on a tangent, basically, the leftist scum of reddit insists that women are not powerless infants and indeed they DO have some responsibilities. well of COURSE they would think that tho! they like powerful independent wimmin!

but yeah you hear stories where women actually do stuff, put in an effort, or in some cases, stalk the guy, or get needy or clingy, texting the guy, getting jealous, getting heartbroken. i guess its nice to know that women are CAPABLE of this!

or just basically that they are willing to talk to you when they are dumping you and to say sorry and to be conscious that them dumping you is gonna hurt you and they are making some token effort to mitigate some of that hurt!

also the idea that the solution is pretty obvious (dump that b and run away!!!!) and the Bad Guy is pretty obvious.

i just hate being the Bad Guy because I couldnt understand Space.

but i dont think it was that simple either. i think any mature person would say SPACE ISNT AN EXCUSE TO AVOID DEALING WITH THE SITUATION. SPACE ISNT AN EXCUSE TO NEVER COMMUNICATE.

i think i already made that a post title. or something very close to it hahahaha.

so basically when a woman has secs quickly, she is saying “MY VALUES ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THAN YOURS.”  so maybe its a stage. but why should the stage be like 10 years long or 15 years or whatever? thats a pretty long stage. too long for me.

ok applied for us army job. they have a big facility which employs a lot of people in the area with damn good 35k jobs like this one.

an open relationship will NEVER work if BOTH people dont agree about wanting it. period. it HAS to be completely mutual and UNANIMOUS.

of course at least 80% of Breakups are not unanimous, but they dont need to be. it would be nice if they were!

SHOW ME I MEANT ANYTHING TO YOU!!!!!

welp at 399 jobs now, should prob make the big 400th a good one. i think we decided not too long ago to make 500 the new goal.

i mean i have a hard time with jobs. bullshitting my way and figuring out what to do in tough confusing situations. figuring out how to do and handle my job. figuring out how to fix problems and what to say to frustrated customers who are counting on me to fix their problem…….and i really dont know what im doing. i feel incompetent because I AM incompetent and its inherently stressful to try to serve people when you ARE incompetent. because you ABSOLUTELY do not feel free to make mistakes or fail, because someone is basically gonna insult your intelligence.

in school it was ok to make mistakes, because only your grade suffered, and only a little bit, and you could always ask questions without being bitched at and treated like someone who should be fired.

how did that woman do it? oh yeah she just went with the flow. great advice, you horrible person hahahahahaha.

fookin captain obvious. fookin captain obviously easier said than done. jeeeeeez.

also reading /r/rels you see how FLAKY women are. they will just give up on you for the stupidest shittiest reasons and there is nothing you can do about it. because you have to respect their wishes that they dont care about you any more and dont want to do anything to work on things.

where do you go for nondegenerate dating advice? actually /r/rels is pretty good…..BUT they are degen on things like open rels, or being a SLUT. i guess I am just happy that they view Cheating as a Bad Thing. but yeah they dont view having a Super Promiscuous Slut Past as being a bad thing. when it totally is.

and i dont want to go to a christian thing, again. because I want YOU to understand why being a slut is wrong, not just because of muh good book or muh jeebus. which are all great things mind you, but it honestly seems………MORALLY LAZY!!!!!! to have muh jeebus be your answer to all moral questions.

but i dont like atheists. but do i like a devout blind faith type person better than an atheist? probably.

ideal would be a person like me: someone who wants to have faith but is just filled with tons of doubt.

and a woman who just thinks casual sex is GROSS or SLUTTY, and SLUTTY is BAD. I dont wanna be an icky gross SLUT. SLUTS ARE GROSS, she says. I would never want to be gross like that.

and she said that! she had an appropriate sense of DISGUST and DISDAIN 4 SLUTS!!!!

if i even have to mansplain it…….that stuffing a guys dick in your mouf and babymaker, who you dont even know this guy, you just met him a few days ago…if i have to mansplain why that is disgusting, then you are too far gone.

and 90% of women are too far gone hahahahahaha.

might have a little nyquil today, go for walk after, go to bed early.

called this auto service place for recall notice and actually got scheduled to get that fixed. so that was an accomplishment hahaha.

heh. you know how some people “break up” but theyre not really “borken up” because they are still hanging out, fooking, texting hahahaha. sometimes even the gurl initiates, decides she doesnt want to be totally done with the guy, and presents herself to be fooked. can’t say that happened to me hahahaha.

basically, if she had ANY desire to talk to me……..SHE WOULD HAVE.

WOMEN ARE ACTUALLY CAPABLE OF DOING THINGS, the reddit has taught me.

but its easy to think they aren’t, when you have a case where the woman does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. you think, are ALL women like that? I HOPE not all women are like that!!!!!!!! but i dont know enough women to tell. so then its GOOD to read these stories and anecdotes.

AYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I have just gone from a floundering seal to a baby seal on SwC poker hahahahaha. this is a YUGE deal, its taken me like 2 years to get to this point.

 

 

 

I CAN LIVE WITH 50% A LOT BETTER THAN 99.9%

july 11

applied for the “facilities” job at the dream employer. the posting was only open for 5 days. From a FRIDAY to a TUESDAY. really suspect there. its like they DONT WANT a lot of people to apply for it ahahahahah.

well they probably dont!

but then youre just rolling the dice and getting really RANDOM people! and not necessarily the BEST people.

but that’s good for ME! I want weak competition because I myself am weak!

but yeah it would be a GREAT job to get. close, days, any overtime is paid time and a half, and icing on the cake is i already know one of the possible coworkers and get along with him really well. he might not still be there tho.

took 28 minutes to apply, but that did not bring up the average too much!!!!

meaning, the average is starting to be established as a lower number, closer to 14 than to 28. more good news.

i like to joke that i am saving myself for a woman who is a actual decent woman and not a dirty slut, so thats why i have been celibate for years hahahahaha. because a good woman is THAT hard to find. 99.9% of them are dirty skanks.

or maybe only 51%! a small majority rather than a vast majority hahahaha.

heck lets just GIVE THEM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT and say 50%, because we dont know for sure.

I can live with 50% a lot better than 99.9%. and that is a lesson you can apply elsewhere in life, to overcome Pessmistic Realism Black Pill Despair.

 

this is eggman doing a video of him filling out a job app after he was fired from a data entry job, which i dont know if it was the same job where he was working 80 hours a week a few months ago. eggman is also a pathetic virgin or near-virgin making feels videos, but i think george feels is more my style.

holy shit some GREAT woman hating comments here. that are frighteningly credible. you find yourself nodding your head at the women haters, BECAUSE THEYRE RIGHT.

this is BLACK PILL REALITY. and we HAVE to ignore it. until we have a woman in our face trying to ho us out. then say “fook your bullshit baby, now suck muh dick or get out”

a woman can cuckold a man but a man can never cuckold a woman. FACT. just think about that for a while. let it really sink it. it really explains a lot, very elegantly.

anyway i used to read a lot MORE stuff like this. and it IS legit. it IS true. women ARE horrible. but sometimes its healthier for you to just stick your head in the sand and pretend women arent all that bad.

just dont worry about this black pill shit until you actually have a woman in your face testing you.

can you listen to music while doing your job applications? i say sure yeah, if it doesnt slow you down significantly. like more than 1 minute added to your average.

its just amazing women can graduate college and graduate school yet still be like CHILDREN when it comes to relationships and real life, yet they still get jobs making 40k a year. i mean you have to have COMMON SENSE and NOT be crazy, two things women are absolutely NOT.

that weird feel when you stalk the Department Head to find their name, and you find that its a weird spelling of a very common name that makes you wonder if whatever level 1 Admin Assistant input their name into the System spelled it wrong……or if that’s actually how it’s spelled. Because you want to spell Jahnathan or Crisstafer right on the CL.

should probably try to….something something. oh yeah. buy a ticket to see willie nelson live because he is not gonna be around much longer, he is at least 75 years old. he WAS doing a tour with merle haggard like last year…..and then merle haggard died.

i also am kinda kicking myself sorta because i missed the concert with “dead and company” which was basically some grateful dead guys with john mayer. john mayer really isnt as bad as one thinks he is. he is a very good guitar player and once you get used to his ridiculous voice, he is fairly enjoyable. anyway i have always been a DEAD fan but I have NEVER seen any dead related shows. dead and company had bill weir, bill kreutzmann, and mickey hart. weir and kreutzmann look old as shit, like they are at death’s door. i guess phil lesh does not want to tour any more. which is understandable. these guys are like 70 years old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it’s amazing they are still alive!!!! and i missed a great chance to see a good number of them.

also go through your list of job posting bookmarks and move all the B+ or higher rated ones to the bottom. or top, whatever is the “newest” or “most important.” so you can obviously not forget to apply for them.

welp 6 apps today with 12.5 minutes total for TODAYS average. which is now actually my total average as well. 12.5 minutes. horry sheet. and that is with a 28 minute app in there today.  15, 4, 7, 7, 14,  28. not bad uh.

maybe i should try to get invited to social gatherings and then take a mixture of valium and benedryl when i get there hehehehe.

welp i need to get up ridic early tomorrow to do favor for old friend. this is kinda good because i havent seen or talked to him in months and it gives me a chance to do a good deed. however i have my suspicions that his life is not going so good. maybe even trouble with his Marriage. that he might be 85% at fault for, hehehe.  also i dont want to get sucked in hehehe. but he has been very good about not taking advantage of me hehehehe so i sorta trust him not to do that.

plus i was thinking of going shopping for muh suit on wednesday and maybe if i am up SUPER EARLY tomorrow i can just do it tomorrow instead.

heheh i am becoming fond of poor georgie. he is a lot more funny and more likeable than I thought he would be, not as autistic and obnoxious and spergy. in other words, i think he has an actual chance. and in a less degenerate era, he would have been married. he’s not THAT weird that he is beyond all hope. i feel I am similar. I mean, i’ve COME CLOSE. i’ve just never closed the deal haha. george has a sense of humor and can make and understand jokes, which is a big deal. some of the autist virgins on the despair forums dont even get jokes, hahaha.

but yeah its frustrating that when a nice qt gurl is USED by Eminem-like Douchebags for Secs, but they would never even consider dating you! and they blow you off and get SO OFFENDED when you get feelings for them. and then you’re the bad NiceGuy.

who’s holding a GUN to these girls heads saying they MUST have secs with these eminem loser guys?

you can’t be USED for something without your permission!

july 12

horry sheet, invited to interview with the county, ie muh plum choice employer, after submitting 1488 applications and only getting rejections for 13 DAH jobs!

30k, not bad uh? start time of shift is at 3pm though, not ideal but oh well. for this employer, i will take it!

this ridiculous friend of mine, getting up early to do him a favor and he is just pretty much beyond help. it is sad but there is nothing i or anyone else can do. still it has resulted in distance between us. but he clearly needs to stop drinking, but will not. it is ruining his marriage and his life and put a strain on every relationship and friendship he has, but he still drinks. after 2 dui’s, several injuries and hospital visits, several Inpatient treatment stays. still drinking. trying to hide the drinking from the wife but that obv doesnt work. now wife is probably leaving. i really can’t blame her! i could not put up with that either!

but yeah back in the DAY me and him used to drink a lot together. these days i get along with him better when he is not drinking. cuz his drinking is an even bigger problem than my drinking was. but he wont stop drinking. very frustrating and disappointing and sad.

also i am disappointed at my own COWARDICE and BALLLESSNESS with him. I should have put my foot down and said, you HAVE To stop drinking or your wife will leave you, and she will be RIGHT to do so; and NO I am not going to stop by the liquor store on the way back to your house so you can buy little shot bottles of booze that you can sneak past your wife in your pockets. didnt you just go to REHAB in the past 4-5 months I have not seen you? and now day drinking on a day off from work due to a physical injury that was probably related to the drinking?

sheeeeeit. was I this bad to HER? like he is pushing me out of his life with his behavior, I pushed her out of mylife with my behavior?

NO DONT THINK THAT. COGNITIVE DISTORTION. its 2 VERY different things. being a damn incorrigible alcoholic is much different than having Feels for somebody. esp when you have been a Big Drinker for Many years and had Many Would-Be Wake Up Calls but refuse to listen to them.

also luv is more luving and good than drinking, which is blatantly destructive. culture of life vs culture of death hahaha.

yeh its a LOT different and its RIDICULOUS i would even THINK to compare them, and shows how DISTORTED muh thinking is, and with Distorted Thinking like THAT, no WONDER i got into despair and low confidence!!!!!

but yeah i received the invite for muh auspicious 10th interview after i have submitted 260 applications. this makes for some easy math. assuming  1 out of 26 applications leads to an interview and 1 out of 26 interviews leads to a job, I have to then apply to 676 jobs. Not 400 hehehehe. MOVE THE GOALPOSTS hahahaha.

i just went from 65% done with muh job search to….like 40% hehehe. DAMN.

and yet i dont feel BETRAYED by this friend. disappointed and frustrated, sure, but not betrayed. I don’t think i’ve EVER really felt BETRAYED by anybody, not even THAT PERSON. Disappointed, frustrated, heartbroken, let down, left hanging, left in the lurch, left high and dry, abandoned, sure, but not really  betrayed. how could she feel that about me? But I dont know that she does, in fact, chances are she DOESNT, much like I dont feel betrayed by her!

heh. i have an incident with this GUY and I bring it right back to that WOMAN, even though she is out of my life for a YEAR, and he is still hanging on by a thread.

yep the perfect thing to get comfy. triumph of the will and chill. would be nice to have cuddling with a tradwife while watching this hehehehe.

yes i am aware “tradwife” is a joke term for a tranny man. very alt right.

the only other bad thing other than this job being 3 to 11pm is that it is very near HER house. i mean it is almost comically close. I might even be able to SEE her house from there. spy in her window and see her getting fooked by tyrone and leroy and dewayne and rodney every night.

so yeah i dont want to drive by her street if i get this job. it would be funny if i were looking out a window directly into her bedroom watching her fook and suck ingras and eminems and neck tattoo pill popping trash.

i am worried she will become a slut now because she has no real father and she is into ridiculous conspiracy stuff. i was surprised when i learned she WASNT a slut. I just figured she WOULD be. and i am assmad if she can BECOME a slut at age 25 and would rather fook 6 gorillion black dicks than to even say SORRY to ME.

than to even send me ONE TEXT saying sorry for throwing you away like garbage when you were an important person to me for almost three years. i just realized that’s not the right thing to do.

unpleasant thoughts that That Person, my waifu who i am trying to forget and let go of but its a long painful PROCESS and I have to RESPECT THE PROCESS, that she is just a crazy Conspiracy Truther Nutty Slut like sinead mccoalburner.  and i take no pleasure in sinead’s disgrace either! I WISH she were a decent white waifu instead of a nutty slut!!

Note: that person was a lot nicer and a lot less shrill and a lot more laid back and calm than sinead!

676 applications to get ONE job???? is this REALLY what ALL normies must go through?

maybe it is. I just would have liked a little preparation for the reaming hahaha.

also i guarantee those darn baby boomers didnt have to do this. 676 applications. 26 interviews before one job. they just showed up on time with a high school diploma and that was good enough to make 1979’s equivalent of 15 bucks an hour hahahaha.

not bullshitting through 26 interviews about how you are a real team player and hit the ground running and add value, to get a 14 dollar an hour job!

14 bucks and hour, forget 15. 14 is closer to average. just want average. not greedy.

willie nelson, red headed stranger album

1975. regarded as one of his best actual albums not counting like live and greatest hits albums. also want to find a good live album. and something with merle haggard.

meh the album was a little underwhelming, plus i think the uploader has mixed it up to avoid copyright stuff and inserted a bit that was not even willie nelson.  underwhelming overall. was hoping for more band, or maybe every song would be more like “can i sleep in your arms” etc.

yep the woman i luved is giving her body to thugs and deadbeats and eminems and i’m NOT supposed to be angry and jealous? she can do THAT but not even RESPOND to me? and just cuddling with her would have been a life changing, game changer, religious experience for me.

because this job is technically in a law enforcement related agency, i wonder if they give random drug tests to all their employees throughout the year. some places do that. like being a police officer. but what about the slackers in the back office giving Administrative Support to the police dept? do THEY REALLY need regular drug tests?

i mean i just want to start working and start sm0king MJ again hahahaha. i can handle an initial pre-employment drug test, but regular drug tests after getting hired would suuuuuccccckkkkkkk. I guess I would still take the job though. I mean why WOULDNT I. 40 hours a week, no more, union, benefits, 30k a year, municipal office job. COME ON.

 

A LOSE LOSE LOSE LOSE LOSE SITUATION / GETTING YOUR LUV MUSCLE SWOLE AF / RECREATIONAL REPRODUCTION

mar 2

just because your relationship is in a contested or tenuous or uncertain state, doesnt mean you can just throw it away. doesnt mean you can throw it away and the other person wont get hurt. yes it was uncertain and probably unlikely that our friendship would or even COULD last…..but it doesnt mean you can throw it away like that. have a meeting and finish the friendship in an HONORABLE way, not a DISGRACEFULLY DISHONORABLE way. it should be a solemn and tear filled ceremony on both sides. like burying a decorated soldier. play taps on a bugle or amazing grace or bagpipes or something. its serious and its sad for both people. you dont throw the dead soldier into an unmarked grave. thats something you do with like osama bin laden hahahaha.

so dont say well i didnt owe it to talk to you or be nice to you because YOU (meaning ME) KILLED the whole friendship in an INSTANT when you got feelings.

and i would say, i disagree, youre WRONG, that simply isnt TRUE, i appeal that decision to dr fookin phil, lets go talk to a shrink right now, you can even pick a manhating shrink if you want. yes i got feelings but NO this doesnt kill the entire relship DEAD. our relship had longterm roots, had a lot of time and emotion invested from both of us; you just CANT kill that dead in one instant. you can try, and i say that YOU tried a lot harder than i did to kill it dead instantly. the natural and right thing to do when one person gets feelings is to talk about it, to see exactly how its gonna affect the friendship, and if it needs to end, end it HONORABLY.  the natural response is not to avoid and throw away the other person. thats NEVER the correct response.

by this time i can accept and live with the fact that she was just scared and avoidant. ive avoided shit i shouldnt have. i am a huge avoider. turns out so is she. ALL IT IS is a person avoiding dealing with an unpleasant reality because its too hard, and doesnt have a big enough payoff for her. and she probably KNOWS this too. but its not enough to get her to act. never will be.

like when you or even I avoid something we know we should do. we say, yeah i know im wrong, i should do this, but im too much of a lazy coward, now lets just focus on the future and not the past hahaha. yeah i was wrong, shame on me, i take full responsibility, bla bla bla. is this true repentance?

WELL, its not always that your avoidance directly HURTS another person. you might be too scared to do something you need to do, but its not really HURTING anyone but yourself. at worst another person is mildly annoyed that you didnt do something you said you would do. but rarely does your inaction directly hurt somebody a lot!

so in other words, very rarely would you need to make AMENDS with another PERSON regarding your avoidance.

this is one of those rare cases.

most of the time though, the main person youre hurting is YOURSELF, by being lazy and cowardly and craven and spineless and apathetic.

but sometimes, another person is really putting themselves out there For You, and you let them down by doing nothing. its not a betrayal, its not Aggressive Hostility, its not the worst kind of evil, but boy does it SUCK and its rude and destructive and bad.

so yeah. i cant say she was DISGUSTED by the idea of lowly loser ME liking way-out-of-my-league HER. she did not have a Big Head anyway. I cant say anything about her motivations or thoughts or feelings other than she was too scared/cowardly to do the Courteous thing; AND that she was not interested in Dating Me. that would have given her the motivation and courage to respond to me. I guess we can say she was not at all interested in continuing the friendship. like not at all. that was kind of insulting. rude hahaha. insult to injury.

they say there is a self esteem problem with Women. I say BULLSHIT. then women would not be making more money than men hahahah. they would be fookin pathetic neets like men. instead, many women act like fookin narcissists. like they are gods gift to the world. now bow down and worship me. how dare that unattractive man even look at me.

if anything i like a woman with slightly LOW self esteem because I have kinda low self esteem myself. also it makes you more humble and friendly and not an asshole. people dont think theyre TOO GOOD for you. so i kinda liked that about her. she was humble and quiet and shy and didnt think she was the greatest thing in the world. without falling into the other trap women with lower self esteem have, ie they become sluts trying to build their self esteem thru promiscuous secs. and she did not do that.

march 3

i dont think she had super low slut level self esteem in other words. she just didnt have excessively inflated narcissistic princess self esteem! and was humble and reserved and quiet and chill and did not have a huge sense of entitlement. she seemed mature and nice and loving because she really was.

she was also real “good” at avoiding shit when she didnt have something tangible or obvious to gain. like, if she were in love with me and desperate to hold on to me, she would have done something.

when women really luv a man, they show it. they dont make things ridiculously, infuriatingly difficult for you. they make it EASY for you. note: not the same as making it easy to bang them……too many women give it up too fast and easy. when i say easy, i mean they are friendly and OPEN. they WANT to spend time with you. they arent constantly busting your balls and giving you TESTS. they are HAPPY to be with you and will let you know. by smiling at you, laughing at your stupidest jokes, gazing into your eyes, getting close to you, not treating you like you have ebola. not avoiding you all the time, or giving you excuses.

documentary on love shy incel virgin males, possibly some neets in there, women hate their entitled personalities and desire for nonfat women

http://pastebin.com/Q7BDknYY

here is a copy of the comments hehehehe

march 4

well apparently all these guys are creepy and woman hating and they also hate themselves and will take years of therapy to even start to heal their broken souls and maybe then they might be ready for fat old table scraps. then and only them. they are SO broken, SO far behind, that it would take YEARS for them merely to wake up, and then YEARS after that for them to actually change their behavior enough to pull fat old single mom table scraps hahaha.

not to dehumanize the fat old table scraps! i just dont want to marry them and have children with them and i dont even really want to date them or even bang them. i would rather be alone, and GOOD they say. i want to have actual feelings for a person like ive had in the past. maybe less DEBILITATING, but i DID like the CERTAINTY of it all. there was no ambiguity or maybes or waffling or on the fence or uncertainty. i was 100% ALL IN with the person. thats the way i wanna be with the woman i marry and have children with!

i dont want to have Loved OTHER women MORE than the woman I marry and have children with! its really not fair to HER! or the CHILDREN! or to me. its a lose lose lose lose lose situation! (assuming 3 children hahahaha)

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/does-she-me-1

“DOES SHE LIKE ME?” asks the secsually mature college aged kidult. hey i didnt know these things when i was 18 either, i only knew how to beat off to jooish filth aka porn. therefore i never learned how to talk to grills and i never went on to make white children.

anyway i would say, and this is a thought exercise because i want to see IF i know the correct answer before reading what alice says, which is sometimes accurate but oftentimes horribly degenerate and permissive and immoral.

ok, if she likes you she will be sending obvious signals and might get increasingly obvious until you notice them, if youre too autistic to notice them at first. or she might get bored and then lose all interest in you and not show you any signals any more.

basically she will WANT to hang out with you and will say YES when you invite her to hang out and NOT AVOID you. she will smile at you in a genuine way, maybe tilting the head, staring deeply into your eyes.

if you get closer to her, she will not pull away like you have a disease. but you should probably make the first move towards her. touching her and staring at her and such.

she will be OPEN to you and friendly and accomodating to you and not a yuuuuuuuuuge bitch. she will seem OPEN and not CLOSED to you, generally.

the article did not really say that but it didnt NOT say it either. it said it can be scary to put yourself out there for a possible rejection, yes VERY true, but we have to make ourselves open and vulnerable if we ever want to get Luv, also true.

mar 5

well thing is i am probably less love shy than these woman haters, because i have come CLOSE, several times, just never been able to Close The Deal. Luv Is For Closers. Wives are for Closers Only. i have opened Muh Heart and put myself out there…….i just keep getting rejected. probably because i am a classic Nice Guy and spark absolutely no attraction whatsoever on the part of the women. no tingles, no swooning, no sense of wanting or devotion or commitment. no tingle. no luv. no attraction. no attachment. no value. sometimes as a friend though, but never more. hehehe. i want to be more than friends with a woman some day!!!!!! well at least i can be even friends with a woman. i dont think the love shy incel woman haters can even do that, because they are too Dripping With Creepiness.

also i am not as weird looking and weird acting as they are. when i talk to people, i am not super duper WEIRD. i mainly come across as a little shy and quiet, and super NICE, but definitely not WEIRD. if anything i am a people pleaser and give the impression of wanting to be Liked and Accepted and Not Rejected hahahaha.

But Dripping and Reeking of Entitlement and Anger, not so much! I’ve been able to rein that stuff in in public hahaha.

google how to think fast and act cool under pressure when you have not had enough training

while bullshitting reasonable sounding explanations while sounding confident even though you have no idea what you are doing.

thinking of my Old Job once again hahahaha. You Just Do It because no one will show you how and theres no articles on the internet, videos on youtube, or threads on forums on these topics on the whole internet. i cant beleive it.

ok. heres what you do. you try to make everyone like you, so they invite you to Happy Hour after work. you eagerly accept and then spend a minimum of $50 on drinks for the coworkers. buy everyones affection. that way they will be willing to help you when you fook up on the job. they will be willing to train you to do your job. also try to get as much job training out of them while you are all at the bar drinking, because at work, you simply wont be able to Steal Their Time to get them to Show YOU how to do YOUR job which nobody trained YOU on because the company has determined that its not cost effective to TRAIN people, just throw them to the wolves and if they drown, fire them. and no one is there to teach you how not to drown. That’s where I come in. and tell you to spend fookloads of your hard earned money at the BAR essentially Bribing your Coworkers to talk to you about Work while at the Bar.

How do you get them to invite you to Happy Hour? ummmmm see who gets out at the same time you do and say “hey want to go to happy hour and i will buy you some dranks? I’d like to get to know my coworkers.” keep doing that until someone agrees. bonus points if you can get any of the Senior Team Members. They will know more, be smarter, AND their opinion of you REALLY matters. They will probably be 10 years younger than you, make $3 more an hour than you, not have to answer phones all day, and possibly have attractive gurlfrans hahahaha. bet you wish you knew what that felt like!

cuz see you can get to work early and stay late to shadow people and learn shit. but since they are still working, you wont be able to ask them questions about YOUR job, just watch them do THEIR job and hope is relevant. not that either you or them will know if its relevant.

Ooooooh heres an idea. Bribe a coworker who either starts or leaves in the middle of your shift, to come over and help you before or after their shift. give them money and or buy them lunch, dinner, and or dranks.

201 days since last contacted HER, 235 days since i last talked to her and shit ENDED.

i have definitely turned a corner and might be even 50% through it. but i am certainly not over here. i will not be over her until i have equal feelings towards another woman.

should you marry a woman if you still have feelings for a previous woman?

im talking about when you know youre getting old and you know your mate value is low and you’re not gonna get a GREAT woman, so you just have to SETTLE for the best you can get. you know you’re not gonna be HEAD OVER HEELS in LOVE with her. but then you say, is this REALLY the best i can do? even that damn MUDSHARK i loved more than this endomorphic, potato-shaped, stumpy, squat 35 year old single mother. who might be half lebanese hahahaha.

we have a lot of “LEBANESE.” for being such a small damn country. the lebanese seem to be christian or at least nonmuslim and often mix with whites to create swarthy mixed children who could pass for italian. dont get fooled. have them get a 23 and me.

but do you really DESERVE a 90% or more white wife? you might be white, but you’re still a loser, therefore, you deserve a white loser wife, at best.

i wandered into some degenerate filth on tumblr, which i forgot was FULL of degenerate filth. I found a degen camwhore who sorta looked like THAT WOMAN. OH GOD. and she posts all these degen pictures because she “Loves Secs and is a Secsual Goddess” and loves being fooked hard and being secsy for all the guys jerking off to her, who then post pictures of them jerking off to her pictures.

well i looked at it for longer than i should have but i did not really ACT on that looking. really i would have liked to keep the looking at under 10 seconds, rather than 5 minutes. i mean shit its been 159 days since i really looked at the filth. i want to get that filth out of my mind, its absolutely disgusting.

its sad that a 21 year old gurl, let alone any woman, any person, could/would think this is OK.

well i wont reset my counter, but i would if i had actually physically indulged in the degeneracy. although i did LOOK at it for TOO long.

i hope That Woman doesnt do filth like that!!!! now that she is on dating sites. giving those naughty bits to random men from the dating sites. o god. i would have given her naughty bits a hard masculine pounding but i would have given her luv and commitment too. thats hard to get from a guy like me hahaha who doesnt luv any women.

2016-03-05_19h22_04

http://www.rdos.net/eng/

take the Aspie Quiz!

turns out i am a total normie….well signif more normie than i am a sperg hahaha. an autist hahaha. now i picked a lot of middle of the road answers. for tests like this it helps to go to extremes so you can Discover Yourself.

karma is a BITCH! just like how on married at first site, neil divorced sam even though sam came around to him and changed herself and started being really nice to him. TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE, even if she was being genuinely nice. she was just SO bitchy to him in the beginning, and he did not like it. questioning his masculinity and such. to be sure, he was very faggy and not masculine at all.

yeah dont tell the people why youre dumping them. because you werent x y z enough. because YOU did something WRONG. this is YOUR fault. and then if they are like me, they will blame themselves for pushing the love of their life away.

but yeah its amazing how wrong things went. i liked having her in muh life. i cant believe it failed so fantastically. i was trying to help it fail better hahahaha.

also i feel more like a confident normie when i have a female friend. when i dont have any female friends, i feel like a total weirdo who doesnt know how to talk to gurls.

obviously the solution is to have MORE THAN ONE female friend in case one gets totally BTFO. then you can prove to yourself that you are still treated as a human being by women.

yes it does matter that these are friends and not family members hahahaha.

although it really sucks if your family is not good to you!

but yeah its still easy to remember the good times even though……..horry sheet….we are getting to the point where it will be TWO YEARS since we had good times. wow. that is just scary how much time of my life i wasted here.

well i “only” wasted 10 months. and then i’ve “wasted” like 8 months trying to Get Over It. so, 18 months. only a year anda half hahaha.

still i wish she had shown me a little more CONSIDERATION and KINDNESS. COME ON.

mar 6

yeah dont want to look at that filth. women shouldnt be DOING that, and men shouldnt be LOOKING at it. that is just a terrible mindset to be in. i hope my future wife has never done shit like that.

well i made spreadsheet of NET calories for each day since jan 1. NET meaning calories from food minus calories burned exercising that day, if any. then get 60, 66 days worth and really crunch some numbers. get the AVERAGE net calories over a LONG period of time. myfitnesspal does not LET you do this so i had to make this spreadsheet to tell me that as of today i am getting NET calories per day of 1173. wow not bad uh. so really i should be losing 2 pounds a week instead of 1.5 then right hahahaha.

yeah i wish i hadnt looked at that filth for so long. even just looking at it for 10 minutes is too much. you start to think all women are whores like that. yes you are a whore if you put pictures of yourself fooking a dildo on the internet.

well what if youre just showing your t1ts or showing an unspread undildoed vag? SLIPPERY SLOPE MAN. SO slippery, i’d say its practically the same thing. just a short matter of time.

i dont want to think average women would do this.

even if they DO, you are BETTER OFF NOT looking at it ever, and then dealing with their whorishness on an individual basis, like, telling women directly, dont be a whore. but dont look at evidence of their whorishness. i guess maybe you can actually bang them though. cuz that increases mans confidence.

looking a porno or even “erotica” just makes you hate women, and decreases confidence. better to just jerk off to your imagination instead, and not having your imagination perverted by that perversion.

yeah well it does to me at least. i hate that women are so dumb and immoral and weak and degenerate to do this. and its sad they dont have fathers who keep them from doing it.

yeah i did dumb degenerate shit when i was young too though. but theres something unique about exposing your “holy of holies” as a recreational pleasure zone for the express purposes of glorifying recreational sexs and getting horny guys to jerk off to you, putting it out there for EVERYONE to see. this should be a PRIVATE thing. have SOME humility and decency. this is the thing that creates life, and you put it up there on the internet getting POUNDED and CREAMED.

its degrading for everyone and its disturbing men watch so much of it so reguarly. its disturbing i watchd so much of it. it def fooked me up!

what if a woman wants to commit to you but you dont want to commit to her?

i havent had THAT happen yet, but i guess it could. if i could fall in luv with a female friend, ANYTHING can happen.

a womans commitment is a valuable thing. it means she luvs you and wont just up and LEAVE you. she will be willing to have your children and raise em up hahahaha. that is super valuable. and you want to have children! so shouldnt you have children with ANY woman who is WILLING to have children with you?

TECHNICALLY any woman who has SECS with you is saying they are willing to have children with you.

and women have casual secs with guys theyve just met.

so fooked up.

THE HUMAN LIFE CREATION PROCESS SHOULD NEVER BE CASUAL. IT IS INHERENTLY INTIMATE AND SERIOUS.

and dont show your babymaker and adjacent areas getting pounded and creamed on the internet for neets and degens to jerk off too.

Oneitis is actually true luv and is a GOOD thing, when its two-sided.

I am very regretful I fooked up my MIND by

  1. watching lots of porno in my youth
  2. and THEN when i wondered why i couldnt pull women, i DOUBLED DOWN by reading tons of game and pua stuff. that only made the problem worse.

tons of porno > incel > tons of game/pua reading > bad bad way to be. you get permanently fooked up and takes a lot of hard work just to get back to neutral.

now game isnt ALL bad. if you can filter out the wheat from the chaff. look for the stuff that befits a healthy, traditional, moral, white man.

its IMPOSSIBLE to filter out the chaff though when you are coming from the Frustrated Porno Incel mindset I was in, and which probably 80% of people who read a lot of Game are in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

good point! hahahaha

when i watched that pornographic stuff the other day, i could only think of That Woman and how I REALLY wanted to be getting intimate with HER, and it wouldnt be degenerate at all. then i think of her giving her Genitals to some Tinder Badboy and feeling jealous and disgusted that he gets to experience that, and that she is being such a dumb whore.

cuz i still have a libido thank GOD…….i am just starting to appreciate it as a Sacred Vehicle for Gods Love, a tool of Life Creation that you share only with the woman you Luv. like I did for her. Sacred Gods Love.

and of course watching porno completely kills that view of secs as special and sacred and turns it into j00ish hedonist degenerate muh dick, if it feels good do it.

whereas it should be a symbol of luv and intimacy and pair bonding, which is WAS, for me re her, and for her to give it away in that degenerate sense is just heartbreaking.

i mean yeah i would have gotten pretty perverted with her. done everything you can imagine with her. recreationally even! using a rubber to signal my intention that i dont WANT this to be Procreative Secs! but i would also treat it as an intimacy building thing, a love strengthening thing. like lifting weights for luv. getting your Luv Muscle SWOLE AF.

but yeah even watching a LITTLE porn is bad. eschew this degeneracy completely, cold turkey. i hadn’t looked at something that bad in MONTHS yet i could already feel my brain rewiring itself back to the old bad ways.

you shouldnt see this stuff unless it is being given to you in real life by a real woman, pref one you have a Real Rel with. to present it in any other way is degrading. and even somewhat vanilla softcore tumblr camwhoring is degrading af. and then think about the REALLY degrading shit. horry sheet.

march 7

yeah i think i am making some definite progress in getting over HER and she is seeming more like a fading memory. which is good. well i mean id still be with her. maybe in 10 years when she is an old catlady with baby rabies she will coyly contact me to see if im married, and then i will have my chance to bang her, after she’s past the Wall and she probably has some bastard kids, possibly half black, and she doesnt look nearly as good as she does now. older and fatter and uglier. and has been with way more men and has certainly gotten crazier. yeah sign me up for that.

women need their fathers to help them pick a good man.

htt   ps://radio.therightstuff.biz/2016/03/02/the-fatherland-episode-16-car-talk/

see this episode of the fatherland hahaha. also good talk on women “settling.” because they overestimate their own declining value and are holding out for “mr big”, or their ((((soulmate)))), or a guy who gives them more “tingles” hehehe while totally dumping good beeta provider good father types. their father would say, i dont care that this guy is not an exciting badboy, hes a good man, and i should know, marry him and have some kids and in a few years youll thank me. YOURE WELCOME. dont ride the carousel like a slut.

anyway. not much left to say about it hahahaha. as time passes its obvious that she was the bad guy and was being super UNFAIR to me. she was being more unfair to me than i was being to her. i didnt EXPECT her to luv luv me. I just EXPECTED her to not avoid me, and to Talk to me about ending our Rel. That is not unfair at all! its fair AF!!!!

meanwhile she cuts me off and lets me fall off the cliff while flailing my arms. lets me drown while i flail my arms when she could have thrown me a life preserver. just turns her back and walks away on somebody that was important in her life.

shit yeah its very disorienting. turns your world upside down. how she could be so nice and kind and loving when we were Just Friends, but treat me COMPLETELY differently when i started showing her some Interest.

well she would say I was treating HER completely differently. kind of, yes, ok fine. but it was in a positive and open way, hers was in a closed and negative way. how is it so hard to say Aw Im Sorry?

Even if she was too Overwhelmed to say it, why not just signal it? signal warmth and kindness to me rather than coldness and hatred?

mixed in with mixed messages like “you are a good friend” and “yes of course well hang out soon” and “i miss you too.” i took those as signals of warmth.

but yeah she was overwhelmed and Just COuldnt. I Cant Even. that’s all it was. something so simple, but had such devastating consequences.

just give me a little recognition that this is TUFF for me.

understand this is not the best way to exit a rel. that there is a better, more mature, less hurtful way of doing it.

show me just a LITTLE kindness. the fact that we had a REAL friendship kinda DOES “entitle” me to that. you arent some random slut to me and im not some random chad to you. respect that we were once important to each other. respect the long term relship. respect me as a person. just because i changed towards you doesnt mean i stopped respecting you as a person. i never wanted to hurt you. i wish you had shown ANY effort in not wanting to hurt ME. any effort at all. cuz whether you WANTED to or not, you still hurt me. at least give some sign that you dont MEAN to hurt me. give me SOMETHING, ANYTHING.

recognize that its HARD to LOSE someone whos IMPORTANT to you. damn. it doesnt matter that you were more important to me than i was to you. i used to be important to you! you changing how important you find me does not absolve you of the responsibilities of treating me like a human being with a heart and soul and feeeeelings!

anyway i am just concerned with how to learn things FAST. learn complicated confusing things FAST and then multitask them while explaining them. without having to ask for help. without getting flustered. and withstanding this all day every day.  how to fake confidence.

well i would say fake confidence with a slow yet not monotone voice; by bullshitting and always covering your ass; and using flashcards to memorize facts fast, even if they dont mean anything to you yet.

yes but HOW do yu bullshit and cover your ass effectively?

how do you maintain your sexual morality when no women are sexually moral? how do you treat sex as special and sacred when all women are promiscuous whores who treat sex like recreational hedonism?

in other words, how do you turn a degen woman into a nondegen? how do you live with degen women when you are trying to be nondegen?

taking into account that All Women prefer Experienced and Confident men…..

well what about tim tebow? he made a big deal about wanting to stay a virgin till marriage but because he was a secsy pro sportsball aflete, cute young gurls were literally throwing themselves at him, would have no problem marrying him.

http://pastebin.com/raw/RMfpQP8n

because i cant archive TRS forum posts cuz you have to be logged in hahaha

so technically i am breaking their OPSEC well i am sorry goys

a 16 year old virgin boy on TRS was asking the valid question, should i just bang some random slut now, or wait for somebody i truly like. we all know what the nondegenerate choice is, but… he worries about being a 30 year old virgin hahahahahaha. i am not a 30 year old virgin but kinda close to it. i am older than 30 and i have only have secs with 1 gurl, 2 times. it is not easy for manlet beetas to get secs. so i would say, just TRY it, make sure you are Protected, and if you dont really like it, THEN wait for somebody you actually like instead of some random dirty skank who gives it to everybody. which is what all women really are anyway hahahahahaha sort of kidding.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/pornography-to-abstain-how/10412/15

QUOTE

The problem is deeper than blocking access. The problem is the desire to see it. We are proud white people who believe life is sacred, including the reproductive act. Now that’s not to say we don’t occasionally have a moment of weakness or confusion, but something that we know is wrong should not be a regular part of our life. The question I ask when I’m tempted is “Why do I want to see this when I know it’s wrong?” Those who control our culture make it a point of pride to give in to every base urge. Pornography trains us to do this by appealing to the most powerful urge of all. By fighting this temptation, you’re defeating the enemy’s most potent weapon and strengthening your own constitution, becoming a better, stronger man. The more you reflect on this, the less you will be tempted, and the freer you will become. The desire itself will actually go away. At least, it did for me. Hope this is helpful.

That’s right. Just remember. The j wants you watching porn and idly fapping away at degenerate sexual acts. They want your brain seared with disgusting imagery so you can not have healthy loving relationships with the opposite sex. Remember it is as much a weapon as a gun or a vial of poison. It is literally turning you into a depraved human being that is wasting time you should be spending on improving your self and mingling with real life females.

It’s so disgusting to see the way males in public (even whites these days) ogle women and their body parts like they are pieces of meat. It’s obviously because they stare at porn for hours on end. You expect it from negros and beaners but come on white man. Have some respect and have some chivalry.

That’s another good point about ogling and objectifying. I’ve had grown men I work with showing pictures of the wives and girlfriends body parts on their phones. They stick it in my face and say “Check this out!” I sez “Man, I’m 37 years old!” “Yeah so?” “So is it really still that exciting?!”

Yeah we all found porno magazine here and there growing and were captivated to some degree. But then I figured we grew up. We got white males, fully grown, running around showing each other “boobies” like teenagers.

END

Daily Stormer i havent read their board that much but i totally respect them and Andrew Anglin, who is even shorter than me hahahaha. I dont care if he banged an asian gurl once [not entirely proven, just pictures of him with asian gurls] and I believe he deserves a good white wife and white children. i would like to see him more on TRS but he is busy with his own thing. But I totally support DS, i just read TRS moar. and by read i mean i listen to the fatherland, the shoah, and read the forum. I would send DS dnations if i had a real income. and of course TRS, probably mill woes, that nationalist woman in sweden with 8 white kids whos husband was arrested for hate speech, the white farmers in south africa, etc.

high school kid says its so easy to get secs when you are young, you just text a slut dtf and she says ok. and you are banging a 17 year old gurl!!!!!! course this is coming from the tall handsome confident 17 year old boy hahahaha.

well i am glad i banged a gurl before age 25. because thats when your brain gets locked in. so if i can get a gurl to do recreational reproduction with me before 25, i have some kind of game locked in, and i should be able to get Action AFTER 25. i just havent yet hahahaha.

now if you are SO autistic you cant get laid by 25, then thats hopeless. i guess get a hooker at age 24, but thats not gonna teach you much about Game and Talking To Gurls. Well I guess if you got GFE hookers where you talk to the hooker before the secs.

well its ALL fookin degenerate. Porno, and also Game PUA. it was TERRIBLE that i went though BOTH phases because that is the most j00ified, degen regression ever. PUA is basically taking a pornographic approach to life and finding the most pornified degen crazy bitches.

YOUR FEELINGS DONT MATTER BECAUSE IT WAS ONLY YOU WHO HAD THEM

0122

sheeeeeeeeit. had some nyquil last night, never take more than a 70% dose, so got a lot of good sleep. thank god. praise be unto him.

had a weird dream but it didnt involve HER thank god. were watching the latest “lars von trier” movie which is dream code for something really weird and shocking. and it was. a bunch of shocking sex and fetish and violence stuff. like a 4 hour movie composed entirely of LVT’s most shocking and degen scenes. basically “torture porn” hahaha. something about a rich powerful american psycho like psychopath slowly K”ing a woman with a ridiculously long chainsaw, all protrayed as a very artsy movie.

now, LVT is not THIS bad. he pushes the limits and is much more degen than i would like him to be, but i cant say these dreams represent the reality of his filmmaking.

although i stopped watching “nymphomaniac” halfway through because i was disappointed such a good director as LVT had to keep being more and more degenerate.

the “TRUMPENFUHRER” today retweeted an official shitlord by the name of “whitegenocide” and within minutes everyone had noticed. and like 4 hours later the official trump tweet is still up there. it includes @whitegenocidetm right in the tweet, so its not like a user whose Racially Aware Shitlordiness was kinda subtle. its basically right in the username. this is the type of stuff The Mainstream would want to shy away from, and which they would quickly delete and give a public apology for, saying that some young untrained intern made the retweet without taking 1 minute to vet the original tweeter for Evil Racism!

http://gawker.com/donald-trump-would-like-you-to-see-this-tweet-from-whi-1754491950

of course its bee

http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/266705-trump-retweets-white-nationalist#disqus_thread

http://www.cnn.com/2016/01/22/politics/donald-trump-retweet-white-genocide/index.html

on on WaPo too, it became a big tweet of the day. it has been up on his twitter for 6 hours now, still up there. i would be surprised if he just left it up there and did not comment on it.

hehehe there are some “basic” trump supporters who are following the same hite genocide tweeter just because they think he is pro trump, who would probably be horrified by all the racist stuff.

i know a few months ago trump RT’d a Racist re some Crime Statistics, then later i think trump sort of apologized or blamed it on an Intern, and deleted the tweet/RT. thinking something similar might happen here. i just like seeing white memes get mainstream media attention. a wapo article mentioning kmac or richard spencer or jared taylor is not an unheard of thing in 2015/2016.

anyway. its so stupid how people can hurt others the way they do. its stupid im so sensitive to this. that i feel the world is kicking my ass rather than me going out and kicking the worlds ass. certainly a result of coddling and spoiling by a well intentioned fam. i hate being SPOILED and WEAK hahahaha.

also it makes the movement i associate with, not want to associate with ME. it makes NO ONE want to associate with me. NO ONE – movements, women, jobs, clients, contacts, friends, colleagues, leaders, followers, supporters – wants to associate with neet losers hahahaha.

0123

welp looks like it has been at least 100 days since i last looked at pron whatsoever. actually i GUARANTEE it was at LEAST 115 days, but i took an ULTRA conservative estimate.

http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/112371-30-and-hopelessly-alone/

did i link to this thread yet? always a decent one

http://web.archive.org/web/20151224163855/http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/112371-30-and-hopelessly-alone/

haw haw haw

anyway i just dont like that she treated me like i was WORTHLESS to her. i meant NOTHING to her. i was just some randome stranger to her. it didnt mean anything to her to lose me, it mean everything to me ot lose her.

when thats not the case. i wasnt a randome stranger. there was a time when she expressed trust and closeness to me and by that time we had already known each other for 1.5 years. at out peak probably. by that time we were well in the midst of a longterm rel (ie, a real friendship) and things were going very well. it felt good to know i was important to this woman. i felt real loyalty from her. having that wither and die is hardcore. “just because” i got feelings towards her and tried to express them.

come on. i KNOW i meant something to you. at least be upset about the end. even when i was HER age i would have known better than this. well……at her age i was drinking a LOT. i might have avoided a confrontation and just kept drinking and avoiding. hard to say. i certainly didnt have any women in luv with me when i was that age, or ever!

i dunno. i like to think i would have still responded with a damn email at least.

or maybe i would have gotten scared and just deleted emails.

when i was that age and drinking i would avoid shit. i would sometimes not even look at my email for days because i was afraid somebody might email me. and if they did i would just delete it. but it didnt do that a lot. and never for friends or women, but i think skool related responsibilities sometimes hahahaha.

classic shirker and avoider ahahaha.

heh. i should begged harder on the issue of please have your mom or a mutual friend respond to me for you hahahaha.

anyway. point is, though my luv for her was all in my head, the importance of the rel was not all in my head. for a while she was rather connected to me, signif invested in me, she knew it, i knew it, and it felt like throwing me away like i meant nothing to her was a REPUDIATION of how much i once meant to her!!!!!!!

had a pizzafest at 10 pm during rare social get together with old friend. 4 pieces of pizza, some cheesy bread, a can of coke. leading me to be ONE THOUSAND calories about my 1200 daily goal. i have now moved the goalposts back up to 1560 hahahah. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

anyway. yeah. it wasnt all in my imagination. it wasnt all a fantasy. we had a real, established rel. i didnt expect her to just walk out of it. give me an ULTIMATUM at least. this is exactly the type of drastic measure you implement AFTER an ultimatum is given, and broken. not something you SPRING on someone when you are also giving MIXED SIGNALS. to someone you knew for YEARS. who once actually meant something to you.

the whole thing is the biggest mindfook i have ever EVER experienced. EVER.

yeah i was a degenerate. i dont deserve much in terms of women. i prob didnt deserve HER: a young, nonugly, solid 7 white gurl with no kids and low number. the only things that brought her down were no father and been with 1 nonwhite. these were “concessions” i was MORE than willing to make, given my own lowass mate value: underemployed loser who never reached potential, short, old, balding, slightly overweight, low energy, omega niceguy, shy, introverted, nervous, neurotic, nebbish. the only things i got going for me is i dont have an ugly face, and i am a pretty nice guy to the people around me.

even at my most degenerate youth, i always appreciated people and tried to treat them well. i did not regard them as disposable and replaceable. i never wanted to just Crush Pvssy, I wanted to Crvsh Monogamous Pvssy in the confines of a committed Rel. even as I was watching tons of degen pr0n, partaking tons degen MJ, drinking tons of degen alcohol, parroting tons of degen leftist propaganda. i think really i was just looking to FIT IN and make friends and be part of a group and not be isolated and lonely.

i was a degen race mixer with my pseudodating, one of the girls was J’ish. but at age 21 i didnt understand how nonwhite J’s were. she LOOKED white, her skin was whiter than mine, and she was young and cute as hell. Uncle Al 1488 would have approved. Zyklon Ben “Montana Merchant Mangler” Garrison would have approved!!!

back then i thought J’s were Just A Religion. and the gurl was cute as hell and whiter than me! my first thought was that she was a Celtic White! i had no IDEA J’s could look like that; I’d seen some Js who looked pretty J00ey but she was not one of them.

anyway i dont really regret it. what i wanted with her was a nondegenerate thing. i got feelings for her too quick, but they were legit feelings. i didnt really know her though, i just had an illusion of her. but still my feelings were real and i was ready to Commit to her and have an old fashioned Rel. you can guess how she felt about that!

i always tried to treat people good, and never screw them over, never do them wrong. never be mean or nasty or sell them out or do them wrong. regarding real actual women, i wanted trad rels with them, not to get as many “notches” as possible. i cared about quality not quantity. K selected haha. this is all very good and non degen, the least degen thing about me, as i had a muh dick, muh feelz attitude about everything else: substance abuse, pr0nography. i watched the pr0nography because i was still horny. now when i was with the gurls i had no desire to look at the pron. i didnt understand guys with GFs who STILL looked at pron.

the point im trying to make is, even at my most degenerate, i just didnt have it in me to screw people over and do them wrong. that’s probably a good thing!

and when people screwed me over, i just couldnt understand how people could do that. couldnt they treat me a LITTLE better?  and i people around me behaving even WORSE! i never got any ridiculously BIG screwjobs.

even NOW i can still rationalize why she “screwed” me: path of least resistance.

but really. its really bad karma to hurt someone this bad. so it WOULD be in her interest to apologize. because she supposedly cared about karma.

see i am trying to talk back to the inner voice Of Her which says, “its YOUR FAULT you were so devastated, because this was ALL IN YOUR HEAD.”

yeah, the LUV was in my head. but apart from that, Our Friendship PRIOR to the luv was MUTUALLY VALUABLE AND IMPORTANT and therefore would be painful to BOTH of us to lose.

well the explanation there, is, during the 10 months i was being WEIRD, she was disengaging and preparing for the end in her mind. essentially ending her involvement in the rel, gradually “moving out.” so by the time she was gone…..she was ready to be gone.

still. communicating an ultimatum for ultimatum type actions WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE.

shit. might go to gym for a little bit.

0124

yeah eating food late at night, well not even LATE, but after like 9 pm, is a recipe for degenerate fatness. one of many big risks.  pizza, food in the evening, easting too large of portions, peanut butter, deep fried stuff with a crispy coating like fried chikun hahaha, french fries. potatoes. soda pop. donuts. well didnt we always know these things were a slippery slope hahaha. but yeah the other night i went liek 1000 calories over by essentially eating a Large Meal at 10 pm. 4 slices of pizza, some cheesy bread, and a coke. holy shit. the slices of pizza were not super huge, any normal man could eat 4 of them if he were a bit hungry. but yeah that was potentially catastrophic. good thing in the surrounding days i was pretty under, to make up for that overage.

basically act like the trumpenfuhrer at all times. he is the worlds most confident alpha man. just ask yourself WWDTD. with his attitude and confidence and occasional cockiness and arrogance he is the perfect role model for all men. dominate or be dominated. show no weakness. make no apologies. never back down.

the trumpenfuhrer does not drink. he is in tip top health. really there has never been such a charismatic and compelling repub candidate in my lifetime. maybe reagan but i cant even say, i was a small child when reagan left office. the don BTFOs a weak weirdo like mitt the titt from 2012. i can only compare the fervor to what was seen in 2008 when barry obongo had his own cult of personality. and now DT is his own cult of personality, kind of the total anti obongo.

heh.funny. j00ish gurls j00ed me over LESS than a white gurl.

i will never make sense of it. well i guess i did. she was cowardly, weak, and immature. maybe our friendship meant something to her but she was too cowardly to do the right thing, because the right thing is not always the easy thing. she was a classic confrontation avoider, i can understand that. i am kinda the same way. also she is not a good dumper. this how how she dumps guys. unlike most gurls, she was more used to being dumped than doing the dumping. i thought this would make her a more sympathetic dumper. and help her empathize with me and men in general, as we are more often dumped than the dumper in any given rel.

but would it really be worthwhile to contact her NOW and push her again for “better karma?” it prob wouldnt work. i just want her back anyway. if she responded i would contact again and again, wanting more and more, and then she would stop responding again and i would feel like a psycho idiot.

also i would find it hard to be satisfied by an apology that i basically had to ask for. no. they have to feel guilty enough on their own and not just apologize as a way to shut me up and appease me.

so you can have luv for someone you dont really know. if they are cute young gurl and they are getting physical with you and pseudodating. the chemicals can start activating, and IMHO that is as it should be. you should not take these chemicals lightly and abuse them with Promiscuity and Nonmonogamy. i was willing to do something long term and monogamous with those women. but they were not willing. they just wanted to have chill fun.

so i liked being friends with a woman, it was a real relationship where you know the person, not a damn charade filled with misunderstandings and illusions. hahahaha although it certainly ended in that way.

“dear” person,

why u do me like that. come on. you can do better than that. i know youre not a horrible person. so just try to treat me with some kindness here in the final moments. yes i admit i was not the smoothest. yes i admit i should have told you months earlier. i was making big hints and trying to hang out with you. i always thought we would eventually hang out, and thats when i planned to tell you. i didnt think work was the right place to tell you. but by god did i give you hints and signals, because i didnt like holding this secret in. i didnt want to hide it. i didnt want to cover it or deny it or lie about it. i wanted to get it out in the open and deal with it, which would prob mean the end of our friendship, but it didnt have to end in a bad way. its ending in a bad way now. just meet with me and have a conversation like someone who cared about me. you used to care about me. i just feel worthless the way you treated me like a piece of garbage, when not too long ago you used to care about me and value me as a good friend. i appreciated that and appreciated you. i know me giving you hints made you feel weird and distance yourself from me. however my feelings werent going to go away, thats why i wanted to discuss it openly and not have to give hints. finally i told you straight up. and i really wish you had responded to that even to just say sorry i dont feel the same way but i appreciated our friendship. its really important to me that you admit that our friendship was worth something to you. i know it was in the past, and i know things were strained recently, but i didnt think you were gonna pull the plug like that. at least give me an ultimatum first. i know its hard and awkward and confrontations are never fun. but i never meant you any harm. i only wanted the best for you. i was willing to be there for you during the ups and downs of your life. i wasnt trying to hurt or control or abuse or manipulate you. i didnt want to change you. i just wish you felt those feelings to me, but you dont, and i can accept that. i cant accept the WAY you chose to communicate that to me, namely through this blocking, ignoring, silent treatment, ghosting, whatever you wanna call it. it really really hurts a lot more than a conversation would have. even an email. just send me an email. think about how you would want to be dumped by someone you cared for, who didnt return those feelings. would you want them to do THIS to you? just send me an email. tell me our previous friendship meant something, and that I meant something. you dont treat people like this when they MEAN something to you. im sad our friendship has to end too. i didnt intentionally decide to get feelings when i did. it just happened, and at a pretty bad time too. when you get feelings for someone, does it always make sense or happen at the best time? also i wasnt trying to win your trust as part of some long con. I was genuinely your friend and I was very thankful to have a friend where we both knew and respected each other and earned each others trust. it was only AFTER that that I changed, my feelings changed. yes this complicates things but i can’t blame myself for getting the feelings. the feelings arent the problem, its how we deal with them. we have to deal with them better. we have to talk about this. its appropriate that our friendship ends, but it shouldnt end this horribly. treat it as a funeral for a good friend, rather than throwing a traitor in a ditch. i dont feel i betrayed you. this is just a huge misunderstanding. yes things have to end, because i have feelings and you dont. but lets end it with as little pain and suffering and hard feelings as possible. right now i am feeling great pain because i feel you threw me away like garbage, and i wish we could just talk about it and smooth things over, so that we both remember each other better, rather than betrayers and abandoners.

heheheheh end of daily letter to person.

basically i think in a “good” dumping you wont have anything left you want to say to the person. youve said it all and theyve listened to it all. you agree to disagree. you say, welp, i wish you werent dumping me, but at least we understand each other. its ok that you reject me, just try to reject me with less brutality and disrespect. respect the sanctity of my human life and the pain i feel. or you cant, because so many people have no respect for human life. they screw and j00 people, they cheat people, they cheat on people, they abandon and abuse and abort and raep and murder and beat.

apparently with some mortgage companies, they dont let you pay more than your monthly payment, like if you wanted to pay it off early and reduce the interest you were accruing. they put the excess amount in ESCROW where it does NOTHING, does not accrue interest of its own, and then just take it out next month. this way you get CHARGED all the interest you “deserve” hahahaha.

normally if someone has a bad breakup you just say, forget about that btich, you were too good for her, forget about her, shes a piece of shit, you dont WANT her in your life. yeah well but i DO want her in my life. and shes not a shitty person, shes just so misguided and has misunderstood so bad and done something pretty bad to me, but morally speaking, its nowhere NEAR as bad as cheating. its a LOT easier to not cheat, as to not avoid responsibility. i almost wish she HAD cheated. but then we would have had to have dated, which we never did.

hahahaha i never dated a woman long enough for her to be ABLE to cheat on me. so when they did shady things with other guys, they had plausable deniability: i wasnt CHEATING, we didnt HAVE a monog rel!!!!!

really the only thing i can do is just forget about it, put it behind me. kinda hard to do. she was just that important to me.

i am not the bad guy just because i got feelings for her! luv is never wrong hahaha luv is luv. like when men luv 5 year old boys. luv is luv hahahahahahahaha luv equality hahahaha.

well this was simply an adult man falling in luv with an adult woman who he gradually had built up a good friendship with. then it turned into something more. if anything this makes PERFECT SENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so there.

fook. just turn it back on them. how would THEY feel if THEY had feelings for somebody, who then harshly dumped them, and said, well you dont GET to be upset, because this is not Real Luv, because only YOU have the luv, its one sided, its all in your head. the bitch would go crazy!!!!!!! just like me!!!!!!

its basically a way of saying your feelings arent real. fook you, theyre real as fook.

this is easier for the other person to pull on you when they never luved you. then they get to say, im sorry your hurting, but you really fell in luv TOO QUICKLY.

or they dont say im sorry youre hurting at all hahahaha. but hate you and shun you for the crime of falling in luv.

i mean i have no interest in meeting other women. but if some young cute gurl were readily available to me, i would bang her. but thats quite a lot to ask.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/rachelwmiller/how-to-break-up-with-someone-like-an-actual-adult#.xux92qkak

even the nihilist degenerates at BUZZFEED give OKAY advice on how to dump somebody the right way. oh i would have loved that!

but the idea of a TOXIC relationship, and an ABUSIVE relationship……ok it was DEFINITELY not an ABUSIVE rel, but it WAS kinda TOXIC.

so if its TOXIC, you dont owe them anything? if its toxic, its all THEIR fault? it takes TWO to make it toxic. i was trying to make it LESS toxic. she made it MORE toxic by being a damn STONE WALL.

http://thedailylove.com/how-to-tell-the-difference-between-a-toxic-relationship-and-a-rough-patch/

difference between toxic and abusive relationship hahahaha

http://letmereach.com/2014/11/12/is-your-relationship-toxic/

i mean i wanted the best for her, i didnt want to control her!!!!!!!!!! i didnt want to hurt her!!!!!!! however i also didnt want to her to leave me!!!!!! however i knew that i couldnt stop her either.

heh. i think history will bear out that i was the Good Guy who got WRonged here, but i am still too close to it, at a mere 6 months out, to be able to tell hahahaha. but in a year or 2 years i will just look back and shake my head and say damn she really fooked up. a lot more than I did.

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/5-signs-youre-in-a-toxic-relationship/

i mean sheeeit. you can just write me something and say this is the last contact youre going to get from me, i will not respond ever again, but im sorry, i appreciate that this hurts you, im sorry, its not your fault, dont blame yourself for this, its me not you, but we are done because i cannot luv you the way you luv me and therefore it cannot be a healthy rel for you. you deserve to be with someone who luvs you too. dont blame yourself for this. i will not respond if you contact me. sorry. send email. have your MOM send the email from guerrilla mail. click on this link in this strawpoll.me to indicate you received and read the email.

heh. usually the “bad guy” is the one who feels LESS pain. abusers get away with their abuse and the victim blames themself. not that i WANT to be a VICTIM, but i kinda want to be the victim here rather than THE BAD GUY.

http://www.examiner.com/article/toxic-abusive-or-mentally-ill-is-there-a-difference

http://www.examiner.com/article/18-kinds-of-women-most-likely-to-cheat-on-their-mates-1

18? only 18 hahahaha why not 900000000000000000000000 types of women most likely to cheat. come ON. are there really 18 DIFFERENT KINDS of female cheaters? i think what they mean are, heres 18 of 900000000000 possible red flags for cheating.

a better title would be, “75% of women aged 20-30 are cheaters.” or 51%. or whatever. something that actually tells you something useful.

is he cheating on you – 829 telltale signs. by the same author. i am not makign this up.

so basically you can get paranoid because EVERYTHING is a sign they are cheating. theyre too nice to you. theyre not nice enough.  but yeah most/all of those red flags were valid.

http://www.beliefnet.com/section/quiz/index.asp?sectionID=203&surveyID=441

hehe some quoted items from that

Q16. When you ask for a time out or don’t want to talk about something anymore, does the person keep badgering you to engage?

i was the badgerer. but she didnt want to talk about it AT ALL and was AVOIDING talking about it EVER!!!!!!

Q24. When you try to talk with the person about something that’s bothering you, do you end up feeling like the trouble is your fault?

absolteluy hahahaha.

Q23. Are you emotionally devastated when the person is upset with you or doesn’t want to be in relationship with you?

exremely hahaha

Q9. When you share your thoughts and feelings about something important to you, does the person ignore, make fun of, or dismiss you?

ignore and dismiss

Q15. Does the person pout or withdraw from you for extended periods of time when he/she is angry or upset with you?

super duper extremely extended periods of time!!!!!!!

Q27. Do you feel loved and cared for in the relationship?

at the end, nope not at all!!!!!!

so verdict is it was minorly toxic
Q29. Does the person show interest in you and your needs?

near the end, absolutely not.

Q30. Are you able to express your honest thoughts and feelings with the person?

they refuse to meet for a bigboy conversation

Q31. When the person does something wrong, does he/she admit it and take responsibility for it?

oh lord i wish she did. hahaah

http://www.beliefnet.com/section/quiz/results.asp?sectionID=203

You scored 19, on a scale of 0 to 62. Here’s how to interpret your score:

11 – 25
In some ways your relationship is unhealthy and destructive. All healthy relationships require mutual caring, mutual honesty and mutual respect to flourish. Your relationship lacks some or all of these elements. Whether you are the victim or perpetrator, changing this pattern begins with you. Ask yourself what is your part? For example if you’re a repeated victim, why have you allowed yourself to be treated in this way? Get some support to make changes. It’s too hard to do it alone.

NOICE!

and when i tried to assert myself by saying hey here is the deal, she responded by cutting me off entirely. so. i guess that explains that!

2016-01-24_17h48_35

ok so the red line is 1560 calories. the NCC is so low because of muh exercise and burning off 800-900 calories each time. that 2220 was my Pizza Cheat Day with Eating At Night. today is jan 24 and you can see i am a little over.

i like to take one week at a time, and say, could you Lop Off the Excess on like 1/22, and distribute it to the other days of the week, and still have everything be under the red line? you should be able to eyeball it and still make a confident decision, like in this case, YES, the overages would be able to safely fit under the redline if dist to the other days. indeed, the ridic day of 1/23 being so far under, would be enough to cancel out ALL overages for the WEEK.

over the course of a month it looks like:

2016-01-24_18h03_11

so, you can see that those spikes can easily “collapse into” the valleys and the whole damn thing will be under the redline of Losing 1 lb per week.

oh sorry the red line is 1570 not 1560. i LIED.

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationships/forgiveness-won%E2%80%99t-fix-your-toxic-relationship

oh i cant listen to this, because its RELIGIOUS.

hmmm karamel sutra ice cream has a lot more calories than blue moon ice cream yikes.

lemme just quote this which was the category above mine from the beliefnet article:

“26 – 62
You are definitely in a destructive relationship and likely in an abusive one as well. Destructive relationships contain some or all of these five elements: 1. Physical, emotional, verbal or sexual abuse. 2. One person is regularly overprotective, overbearing and controlling toward the other. 3. One person is overdependent upon the other to affirm his or her personal value and worth, to meet most of his or her needs, and to make most of his or her decisions. 4. One person demonstrates a pattern of deceiving the other through lying, hiding, pretending, misleading, or twisting information to make something appear other than what it is. 5. One person exhibits chronic indifference, neglect, or both toward the thoughts, feelings, or well-being of the other. Start taking steps to identify your patterns in this relationship in order to invite mutual change or step back from the relationship so that you can heal. You cannot make a relationship work all by yourself. You can make it better, but you can’t fix this alone

anyway i felt like i was making all of the effort. doing all the work. doing all the giving. all the lifting. pretty sure that means that you arent the one ruining the rel.

anyway re the religious relevantmagazine.com thing: i didnt see it as a matter of me forgiving her, rather i was begging forgiveness from her for the horrible crime i had done against her: getting feelings, betraying her, being PUSHY and overbearing and annoying and weird and wanting her to talk and hang out when she didnt want to talk or hang out.  so i assumed the role of Abuser and Bad Guy Wanting Forgiveness right away.

https://checkup.gottman.com/clinician/questionnaire/preview

the gottman relationship checkup which you, your Partner, and your Therapist all do online

http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/quizzes

http://www.loveisrespect.org/for-someone-else/is-my-relationship-healthy-quiz/#top_of_results

YOUR SCORE: 18 from the above site

SCORE 5 pts+
If you scored 5 points or more, you are definitely seeing warning signs and may be in an abusive relationship. Remember the most important thing is your safety — consider making a safety plan. You don’t have to deal with this alone. Loveisrespect.org can help. Chat with us to learn about your different options.

hehehehehe

Your score is 72 out of 75, suggesting that you feel a lot of compassionate love for your partner.
Your partner is lucky: You are very supportive of him or her and respond compassionately when he or she is in distress. You also seem to make a strong effort to see the world from his or her point of view. You care about enriching your partner’s life and are willing to make sacrifices so that he or she can be happy. These are skills that help you support your partner and negotiate conflicts, which should lead to a stronger, healthier, and longer-lasting relationship.

from the compassionate love quiz:

http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/quizzes/take_quiz/9

http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/relationship_quiz.htm

that one said i had a good relationship hahaha, totally normal and average.

i was taking the quizzes pretending like we were actually in a relationship. which kind of we were. but i guess a platonic friendship just isnt BUILT to offer the Security and Intimacy and Trust which an Intimate Relationship does, so, incorrect expectations on my part. i wanted more than she could give: luv, security, loyalty, support, openness, being able to hang out once every 2 or 3 months hahahaha.

AVOIDER

1015

shit. hahahaha. had terrible headache when i went to bed last night. that did not keep me from thinking about you know who. took tylenol and eventually got to sleep and no more headche in the morning thank GOD.

i thought well maybe if i see her Running Around with Other Guys, that will help me Get Over her quicker.

well it would definitely make me jealous! because they get to have her and i dont! because she likes them and doesnt like me! and i would get angry and jealous and call her a “fooking whore” probably etc. and then i would really be able to make her the bad guy. it would make her real easy to hate. no better way to smash the pedestal than to see you One And Only whoring it up with other guys and loving it!

i mean thats a womans right, just like its her right not to like you. but its also my right to be heartbroken and jealous hahahaha.

but im kinda glad i dont have to see that. its bad enough to think about it!

but thats not what i asked, i asked (basically) would adding that new short term pain help shorten the long term pain in the end? maybe.  i dont really want any more short term pain though!!!!

i had long term feelings for her, so of COURSE its gonna hurt for a long time, and take a long time to fully get over.

but it did occur to me that, believe it or not, she had never been in this position before. of having to reject a guy who liked her. of having to end a relationship. i think pretty much she has always been the dumpee, which is weird for women. but she has never been put in the position of wanting to end a rel because she doesnt like the person. this was all very new to her. she didnt know what to do, so she did it in the worst way possible, which was also the easiest. easy way out.

also she is a classic avoider, no doubt about that. conflict avoiding. so am i, but shes even worse.

a good metaphor is an ABORTION, she essential just got an Abortion on the Relationship. now an abortion usually does cause some pain and guilt to the person doing it. but basically you are conveniently and controversially “GETTING RID OF” something just because you can. dont deal with it, you know you CANT deal with it…..so get rid of it. and she knew she couldnt deal wiht it. the situation with me. so she just got rid of me.

maybe feels bad for a few days and then 3 months later is certainly out fooking guys hahahahaha. while 3 months later i am still thinking about her all the damn time. but then i had 900000000 times deeper feelings for her than she did for me. yep it was basically like every other stupid thing i had with any woman! the 2 good years of friendship just didnt matter apparently.

that really sucks. i do not often get along with a woman that well, have that level of comfort. hadnt happened in years. i was not that comfortable or close with the previous woman. we never got that close. with w15 i got a kind of appreciation from her that i was simply not at all used to. genuine feminine warmth and kindness. you know, that thing men appreciate about women besides their Looks. what basically makes a Good Personality for a Woman: is not being SMART or CLEVER, is not being fun and exciting, is not being a Nymphomaniac, but simply being Nice and Pleasant and Warm and Kind and Gentle and Supportive and Nurturing and Loyal and Loving. and Faithful. same thing as loyal hahahaha.

anyway so i think i will never get over her. i thougth the same thing about every other damn bitch. hahahaha.

“BBBBBUT this one is DIFFERENT! she was different! i thought she was THE ONE! I loved her MORE!”

well, i sorta thought that about some of the other women too. i was crazy in love with them and have the Adverse Repercussions to prove it! bad shit went down! i went crazy!

bbbbbut she REALLY IS different because i was CLOSEST to her. i had some kind of actual relationship with her, in the form of a 2 year friendship, rather than just 2 months of fake dating and then were done.

well that is true. i did get to know her as a person for a long period of time. it was a form of a long term relationship. and its true i never had this happen before in this way. have a long term friendship with a woman, then fall in luv with her. there is a lot of NEW experiences and new pain hahahaha. but it is still reasonable to think i will get over it.

it WILL take a long time though. might take the longest time ever considering the Importance and Length of the Rel.

so how long will it take? what was the longest it took me to Get Over a woman?

well shit at LEAST a year. but in some of those cases, i was prolonging the pain by not doing No COntact. i would still see the woman and pine for them.

well at least i dont do THAT any more!

from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCrjyUZGtZc

QUOTE from comment on above youtube video, bolding by moi

Karol Kolbusz 4 days ago
I recommend all of you to read Kierkegaard’s “Sickness unto death”. When people face with despair (depression), which is a sign of awakening of their personality, they tend to avoid that problem by…becoming someone else, that they are actually not.

Therefore, many women, who feel different from the rest of society, who are interested in old-fashioned customs, they can’t cope with the feelings of loneliness and social ostracism, which overwhelms them, as soon as they start developing the real personality.

So, these women behave like monkeys, because they copy “socially acceptable” personalities from the other people. And what is more, media brainwash them more, by showing pictures of extremely thin models. Girls think it’s something worth copying (to be thin, to be sexually attractive for brainwashed men, who watch pornography…), so they lose their weight, by not eating meat. And believe me, lack of animal proteins makes people even more compliant and weak, both physically and mentally. When they finally become skeletons, it’s too late for any rescue – the brainwashed women choose feminism. And they usually feel compassion for animals, sexual minorities, Muslims from Syria etc. BUT IN FACT it’s only a MASK, they put on (it’s easy to feel compassion for people you do not know personally, or animals who do not speak in a human manner…), in order to hide real lack of empathy. They love everybody, but as the result they actually love no one. Nowadays women also tend to become more masculine, because when they are NOT female anymore, nobody can criticise them anymore for not being pretty enough.

Only autistic/Asperger people are not afraid of social ostracism, they have very deep and obssesive interests, they feel empathy towards the world, nature, philosophical ideas (they actually FEEL empathy to the people and even stronger than “normal” individuals, but don’t show that in regular way due to some problems with communication and and visual/sonic oversensitivity). I believe that’s the reason why such people make great art and inventions (well, technology is actually bad…but we can just admire the passion of inventors). The autistic people are often regarded as anti-social outcasts, owing to the fact that (even if they want), they cannot lose their traits and just start parroting other people.

So if you are looking for a conservative woman, best look in “the tribe of autistics” :).

I will probably make a video about that, because I am Asperger myself. I have no relatives (other than parents) or “friends” outside the Internet, because I find no point in socialising with degenerated society.

END QUOTE

sperg with the right idea commenting on varg vikernes video regarding the role of women. great points. great comment. thats why i copied it here. it is useful and good.

yes of course i luv varg and his Traditional Ways Of Yore and his healthy beautiful happy family, wife and many children.

well that video is really just a pointer to his wifes video about The Role Of Women, essentially as Preservers and Carryers On of Tradition, if i understand corrrectly.

i was like yeah this sounds great!  when have you ever seen a woman be a Transmitter of Tradition? but of course modern women are pretty much useless except for being annoying degenerate whores. course i cant complain because i am not a sterling specimen myself, just a loser weak man. so really i dont DESERVE a good woman.

muh woman was somewhat confused and had some Baggage in her Background, but it was all stuff i could live with, they were not dealbreakers, plus it kind of made her imperfect, and not “too good to be true.” i mean she is certainly not the perfect traditional woman, but she hit the biggest things of, she wasnt a whore, and she was a nice and kind, and from there other good qualities unfolded. like not wearing makeup, not dressing like a whore (goes along with not being a whore), not being annoying or obnoxious, being well behaved and polite and nice, not glued to the phone texting all the time, not being a lockstep leftist marxist like most women, pays attention to the news somewhat, was more “redpilled” than avg woman, though not obnoxious in pretending to be “super intelligent”,  she had a lot of great qualities but eventually her being a Bigtime AVOIDER was what killed it. she AVOIDS even worse than i do. athough she is probably less of a Despaired Procrastinator (“Why even try, its hopeless, it wont work out anyway”) than i am. she just avoids conflict in this rel more than i wanted to.

so yeah i procrastinate at life and jobs and stuff cuz i am tired of failing, and then get slow and lazy. she i think is more to push things under the rug, avoid them until she forgets they even exist, then go on with life. forgetting shit rather than processing and learning from shit. out of sight, out of mind.

also i am not sure she picks the best men. well the first guy she was with for a long time and i got along with him and he was a pretty good guy, but he was not great to her during the time i knew him.

oooh interesting point. if i were hiding and dissembling shit, i would have been trying to break them up. i was trying to get them to work shit out. when i saw her with him i did not get insanely jealous. they way i do now when i think of her with guys. oh yeah i explained this in my email. if i were secretly in luv with you, why would i be pushing you to figure things out with him? wouldnt i be pushing you to break up with him and date me? or try to “steal you” from him.?

but he had his own baggage and issues, that if he were not a brash stubborn wont take shit fairly manly man, would be enough to scare women away from betaer men. red flags and shit.

anyway. point is. holy shit its been a YEAR since i started liking her; its been over a YEAR since we had our Final Good Hangout in Sept 2014; after that we only had one meeting outside of Job, and it was horrrrrrible, i have of course mentioned it before.

so yeah that is an especially tragic flaw. pick men who dont treat her well, probably because of father issues, which also causes her to be good at abandoning and avoiding and forgetting about people. probably hahahaha.

like i say, its really a MIRACLE she didnt become a huge slut, or that she doesnt have any Fatherless Kids by now, or that she stayed with her First Major Boifran for like 4 or 5 years. WELL…..im not sure thats so ODD for young women and their First BF’s. first cut is the deepest hahahaha. and then they never get over that guy and then they become broken sluts hahaahahaha.

well it was a mistake imho for her to date another guy so soon after the first one. and to fall so deeply for him! imho this probably was some unresolved feelings for the FIRST guy! how could it not be? first major BF, very long term.

went for a nice 5 mile walk, i needed that. thank god.

listened to a few youtube things including this from helen fisher, the brain in love. not horrible. she is a little stiff but certainly on the high end of “women doing tedx talks about luv and relationships” which tends towards the shitty.

here she makes the good point that luv is powerful and addictive like a drug. and it really drives us crazy. and it can take at least 8 months for us to get over somebody and it is one of the most powerful things on earth. she implies that it is such a powerful thing, how the hell could you love more than one person at a time? you are choosing one person above all others. so there is an implication that Monogamy is better than Open Relationships. i hope i was not reading too much into it hahahaha.

oh also she says that 95% of BOTH men AND women have experienced the pain of being dumped by someone that they loved, AND ALSO dumping someone that loved them. i thought this number was a bti suspect. course she is dealing with a population of elite college students, prob most 18-22 years old, so, those samples obviously suck and are not helping “research” psychology. but yeah i have known only the pain of being dumped. i have never dumped somebody who loved me. i do not think any woman ever really loved me. and i bet if they did, they would be pathetic and i wouldnt really love them back hahahahaha.

helen fisher “why we love, why we CHEAT” hahaha havent listened to this one yet

and i also listened to e michael jones talk about his new book “libido dominandi”

not sure who he is but he was fun to listen to. i would guess he is some kind of openly pro-catholic phd intellectual academic. ie non mainstream academic. interesting interview where he talks abotu pornography being sold as “freedom” but its really a way to CONTROL people, thru their basest desires.

well i would agree with that, but i wanted to hear him talk moar about modern mating practices like casual sex and open relationships and promiscuity, and how they might possibly destabilize a society and be bad. but instead he says the clinton years were the apex of degeneracy. i say they degeneracy just keeps growing and growing. and now “normal people” are as degenerate as clinton was. he didnt mention anything like that but did have some good talk on how freud and watson and kinsey were degenerate.

also pornography controls men more than it does women, so how do we control womens “sexuality?” well similar, we give them “freedom” and the “freedom” ends up enslaving them. so their “pornography” is really just the cok carousel of casual sex with alphas. because they are women, they can actually live out all their sexual desires, rather than just beat off to porno.

hehehe but the whole damn ball of wax is degenerate, no matter whether you’re the alpha banging, the degenerate sluts getting banged, or the betas jerking off. and of course i have the most sympathy for the betas jerking off. there but for the grace of god go i. go we.

anyway the point is, when you get your heart broke, it is some SERIOUS shit, and it SHOULD be, and too many peopel avoid it, rush through it, do a rebound, PRETEND to be over it, DELUDE themselves.  but you should really be in pain and misery for a long time. it is a lot of suffering! drink in the suffering. guzzle the suffering like bitches guzzle jizz.  live in the suffering for months and years. well if you still feel like garbage at 1 year, uhhhh go see a shrink.

when i say shrink i mean go see a social worker at a budget sort of place. maybe see if they have an older man rather than a younger woman hahahaha.

i was lookng at some photoshops i made in 2008 and 2009 and they were pretty hilarious. (google photos under google drive.)

there was stuff there that indicated that i was very “thirsty” and lonely and was yearning to meet new women because i didnt know any. well in 2007 or 8 i met a woman who was garbage but i developed an infatuation with her because she was yougn and cute and the only woman i knew. she was legit cute and young though. but she was crazy and also a horrible slut. if i had any game i could of banged her like so many other men! anyway she was a much worse woman than woman2015; she used to be a Numbered WOman (former woman6) but i removed her because she was garbage plus i wasnt super duper in love with her. i had a drunken desperate crush on her though. but i got over her kinda quickly. i think. anyway she was at her peak then and she had a few good years after that and now is in the later 20s and starting to approach The Wall, and has certainly taken lotsa coxa on top of the already high number she had at age 19/20, and is dating a hideous guy who is definitely not of her race hahahahahahah. damn dirty mud shark hahahahahahah. sorry i just dont like white gurls who “date” ie fook nonwhite guys. especially when i had wanted the gurls and they rejected me. and the guy is black. or arab. or turkic or mestizo. would i be bothered if they dated an asian? maybe. probably because asians are less obnoxious than blacks or browns hahahahaha. but i am hardly an asian lover hahahaha. i have no desire for asian gurls. i still want to date, marry and ahve chirren within my own white race, because i am a white racist hahahahaha. so solly. dont like it, go fook some fat black 30 year old woman with 5 kids from different fathers. or maybe a fat asian like a 30 year old laotian or vietnamese woman with a body like a fat cambodian potato.

not any worse than a 30 year old fat WHITE single mom amirite?

actually it is marginally worse hahahahahaha. if your preference is for somewhat attractive younger white women. shit yeah this is a very valuable commodity hahahaha that is bought and sold surprisingly cheaply by alphas and black thugs and arab thugs hahahahahaha.

i get even more racist when i get heartbroke hahahaha.

yeah the trick is to never get more feelings than the woman does.

EASIER SAID THAN DONE!

use her lack of feelings to put the brakes on your own feelings.

EASIER SAID THAN DONE!!!!!

i guess you can check in with her once every two weeks. and say as of now, muh feelings are low, moderate, or strong. or nonexistent.  and see how they change over time. if hers go down and yours go up, you are headed for a heartbreak!

or she has no feelings and you have any hahahahaha.

 

 

 

 

 

BEING TREATED LIKE ANYTHING BUT SH1T IS A LUXURY

google: blaming self for breakup

http://www.abandonment.net/articles/to-survive-a-breakup-12-ways-to-avoid-blaming-yourself

Or they blame the breakup on their neediness.  Now that that they are in abandonment grief, feelings of neediness become overwhelming.  The truth is that we all become needy during heartbreak.  We are needy at other times, too – neediness is part of being human – but it becomes pronounced when we are attempting a new relationship with someone we’re not sure of or when the person we are attached to is no longer fulfilling our basic need to be loved and secure.

When we feel unrequited love – a lack of emotional reciprocity from the other person – we naturally feel insecure. Even the most independent among us can exhibit reactive behaviors that are extreme and can make the other person run for cover.  ”

http://www.abandonment.net/profile-of-an-abandoner

abandonment dot net, awesome hahaha. all quotes copyright susan anderson, my new hero

” Many abandoners also attempt to BLAME you for the break up. It’s because you were too “needy” or “dependent” or “angry,” they might say. Meanwhile, if you have become “needy” or “dependent” or “angry” it is not because you ARE these things, but because you were REACTING to their gradually pulling away. None-the-less, you will beat yourself up for these things anyway. ”

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/romance-redux/201205/why-you-blame-yourself-bad-relationships-and-how-stop

” But if the accident simply reflected the cold randomness of the universe, that meant something far worse: no planning or foresight could ever prevent bad things from happening to the people I cared about.  Even psychologists have trouble swallowing that pill. So I kicked myself instead. After all, that’s when we all turn to self-blame: at those very moments we can’t accept how helpless we are to control our fate. Beneath self-blame, there’s often a powerful wish for control. 

This is also the key to understanding Tina’s behavior. She really doesn’t believe Ken can change—nor do most people who blame themselves for a bad relationship. If we’re not the problem, then our partner’s surly moods or disinterest can only be altered through their efforts. And the less faith we have—as Tina seemed to—that they can ever make those changes, the more we risk finding fault with ourselves. If our hope for a happy relationship lies in our partners’ hands, and they’re not up to the task, then the situation truly is hopeless. And hopelessness is a far worse pain than self-doubt.

[ufmll: well, this guys got a lot of good points, well memed mah boy. BUT i would offer that sometimes hopeless can be more comforting than self doubt. in the sense of “welp, i accept that the situation is out of my hands, and nothign i could have done could have helped it. it was dead on arrival.” rather than eternally blaming yourself and saying what if. i think over the long term, that would drive you more crazy than hopelessness.]

Tina, for example, focused most of her efforts on changing herself. But for all her frantic attempts to be a better partner, she remained afraid or unwilling to ask more of Ken, terrified that he either didn’t care to—or even worse, couldn’t— change for her. She hid that fear, even from herself, beneath layers of self-blame.

If you’re a self-blamer, like Tina, the way out, of course, is to start considering what other people can do to help you feel better. And you can only do that if you accept that your partner not only can, but should change their hurtful behaviors—not because you’ve tried to do something different (again), but because they care enough about how you feel to do something different themselves (renowned marriage researcher, John Gottman (link is external), calls this “openness to influence (link is external)”).

In other words, the onslaught of self-blame only stops once you realize that your own feelings of disappointment are legitimate enough to be heard. It’s when you finally tell someone you feel hurt or upset by their behavior—and exactly what they can do to help you feel better—that you truly learn whether or not they care enough to change what’s hurting you. And if they don’t care about that, you need to know as soon as possible. Or you could end up stuck in an unhappy relationship, blaming yourself for feeling bad. And that would depress anyone.

copyright/credit  craig malkin or psych today

http://www.7cupsoftea.com/qa-breakups-21/why-do-i-always-blame-myself-for-the-breakup-3311/

http://www.7cupsoftea.com/qa-breakups-21/what-is-the-best-way-to-break-up-with-someone-in-a-healthy-way-396/

http://www.7cupsoftea.com/qa-breakups-21/how-do-you-deal-with-the-temptation-to-contact-your-ex-531/

this 7 cups of tea site is pretty neat. it is about connecting people with Listeners when they jsut need an Objective Person to Listen and not give judgements or advice. i think its a great idea. although i think a little advice is not bad hahahahaha obviously. i like to give Baby Steps advice, like walk 100 miles a day hahahaha. and get a masters of electrical engin degree, and get a nice cute chaste 18 year old gurlfran, and lift 9000000 pound weights.

http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/how-to-stop-blaming-yourself-for-the-break-up/

yeah buddy.

see i KNOW i did shit wrong, namely, i commuincated poorly and pushed her, even if for “good” reasons/intentions (wanting to communicate abotu problems, talk things out), but was this the be all end all?  isnt the more important reason was she simply didnt have feelings, she wanted to keep things the way they were, i wanted to change them?

i dunno. yeah i pushed her, but yeah she could have treated me at least a little better and spared me a little pain hahahaha.

ok did a 4 miler, took a nice shower, turned out i had not taken a shower in 5 days, that is horrible hahaha.

i thought well my crime was being pushy. her crime is throwing a person away. which is worse.

well she only threw me away because I pushed her.

but is that REALLY an appropriate, proportional response?

my thing was like a 1 on  the badness scale, she was an 11.

i am always thinking of things in terms of Payoffs. so the payoff of me pushing her, for her, was like -1 to her, her throwing me away like garbage was a -10000000 for me!

listened to some of the golden one whilst walking. he seems like a good guy. its funny his derpression video advises getting goals and also getting a gurlfran will give you motivation an energy. i had to laugh because he talked about it like it was so easy. study shit on the internet, learn how to talk and dress and use game on gurls, then you can get a gurl. he admits to liking cuddling. he has kind of a traditional view of “fair maidens” which i like, and discourages degeneracy, so i assume he would not approve of sluts and casual sex and open rels. but i would like to see him do a video on that!

he is all about being “glorious” and being the best you can be, pushing your body to become a golden god, and also reading and learning.

anyway i would say a high number casual sex slut is not worth being a fair maiden!

but this guy could tear me in half like a phone book hahahaha.

i think he would agree, as i say, he is anti-degeneracy and pro-family and probably pro-traditional relationships. which is the way to be. in fact these views are expanding his audience from what he probably originally intended, ie a strictly Weight Lifting audience.

yeah cuddling with that New Dream Gurl WOULD help getting over The Woman 2015. i guarantee it. the NDG might even be worth getting feelings over! i mean i would def like her to sit on muh face hahaha and muh dick and just bang her HARD.

of course same deal with The Woman. i mean this is what brings men and women together!

what did i learn?

to say the words “WE NEED TO TALK” or “I WOULD LIKE TO TALK” and NOT “can we please hang out”. it is my responsibility to say “i want to talk” if talkings what i really want to do.

well so there was an issue i wanted to talk about and i pushed her to talk.

if there were an issue she wanted to talk about, maybe she would have pushed me to talk.

but the issue affected us both! well it affected me more. she was able to ignore it much easier because…….she was not in luv with me…….therefore she would not want to Date me hahahaha.

i do like Affirmations, I am this and I am that. so they should be specific and detailed, but not too long, and should not use negative words like not or no, even if you WANT to NOT do something. also you should say I AM and NOT I WILL or I CAN or something that is in the future. stay on the present.

I DO have SOME social skills. i am not a complete autist. friendless autist r9k robot. i have friends, i have a weekly social event, in the past i have even been friends with WOMEN. if i were a TOTAL hopeless lost cause, i would have never had a female friend ever. and i have had SEVERAL female friends, where we would hang out and talk.

The Golden One says it can be difficult for men and women to be Just Friends if they are hanging out in a one on one setting. as part of a Group, or on the Job, its totally doable though. but he makes the good point that the One On One setting implies a certain degree of intimacy. and i would 100000000% agree.

and me and the woman would hang out one on one. but wasnt it kind of weird that her boifran didnt object? she had said once that he never got jealous. cuz i thought, if i were him, i would not be perfectly fine with her hanging out one on one with other guys and making new guy friends. cuz i am them jealous type hahahaha.

but i think its good jealousy not bad jealousy to get jealous of your long term gurlfran hanging out one on one with their Kewl New Guy Friends.

she maybe did that to MAKE him jealous, cuz i think she WANTED him to get at least a little jealous, to show that he luved her hahahaha. i mean i can totally understand this. shit i am a jealous guy i think my best match/fit would be a somewhat jealous gurl.

because yeah for us Jealous Types, you CHOOSE not to hang out One On One with other men/women as a show of respect and commitment, and you dont WANT to keep your options open because you are happy with what you have. and you dont WANT to have one foot out the door. you WANT to be monogamous, you CHOOSE monogamy with this one person you luv.

how is that so weird and hard to understand?

but yeah point is, isnt her hanging out with ME, when she had a boifran, disrespectful to her boifran, and a WARNING SIGN that she might be a cheater?

well, this one can go both ways, and i dont think she was trying to CHEAT, and she WANTED to make him jealous, as a way of making him luv her more, cuz he was pulling away from her. so it wasnt about showing him disrespect, if anything, she was desperate to make him get closer to her.

like i was desperate to have her stop pulling away from me. so i pushed her to hang out (so we could taaaaaaaaaaalk) which pushed her away further.

but yeah bitches would think i was being unfair and jealous and controlling if i didnt like them hanging out one on one with other dudes. so of course that made them all the more willing to hang out one on one with other dudes, and dump me!

but honestly really the only good healthy positive thing i CAN do is Powerwalk like a bastard, do it 8 to 10 miles a day. like to get it even higher because its GOOD to push yourself physically, plus what im doing now is not helping me lose weight fast enough. i mean shit 1 pound a week would be GREAT. but this .1 or .2 pounds per week? just doesnt seem enough! and i would luv to lose 15-20 pounds!

what has helped my poker game noticeably is PREFLOP RAISING. before i would always limp, meaning i would never raise preflop. this is i guess a really passive way of playing, when i viewed it as simply being cautious and conservative and “tight.” well little did i know about the Tight And Loose vs Aggressive and Passive matrix!

tight and loose has to do with how many hands you play. i will always be kind of tight and thats not bad.

but now i am trying to be a more aggressive in my BETS. meaning, raise preflop if you have a good hand that you as a Tight Player would play! Raise, dont call or check, and this makes it easier to build decent sized pots.

hehehe

oh yeah the golden god also says……ummm he said it was ok for manlets to get Jacked and Juiced and Ripped becuase its all about improving yourself regardless if you were 6 2 like he is, or 5 4 like us manlets hahahahaha.

and he is all about being natural, no steroids and shit like that. i appreciate that hahaha.

but he said…shit cant remember but it was decent advice for anyone. pretty common sense of course.

in many advice articles on “how to break up with somebody” i have seen the common themes of:

treat them with respect

say that it was a good relationship and that the rel itself was meaningful

its ok for them to be upset

but still be nice to them.

listen to them

but be firm, direct, and not on the fence.

because you have given this a good deal of thought right?

do it in person and not email or text.

expect a decent length talk.

expect it to be uncomfortable and awkward, you’re breaking someones heart after all. but its the right thing to have this in person talk, rather than leave them hanging.

anyway yeah its funny, regarding some items near the top of that list, i totally did NOT feel treated with Human Respect, and i did not feel the relationship was given proper respect. so this must be a universal human thing. that when you get dumped, you feel thrown away like garbage, and you feel like the rel meant nothing to that person, so its the responsibility of the dumper to address those specific points. yep i agree it would have helped!

but closure is a luxury. respect is a luxury. being treated like anything but garbage shit is a LUXURY hahahaha.

just waiting for Dinner to Digest before going for another 4 miler hahaha.

oh yeah. if a full dose of nyquil makes you dead the next day, 20 hours to get fully out of your system………..

then take a half dose of nyquil. and hopefully you will be good in 10 hours hahahaha.

but i….ok a 60% dose of nyquil will last 12 hours then.

3.4 miles later

ok i took about a 60% dose; and then went out for a 4 miler. but then it got dark. and i cant powerwalk when its dark hahaaha.

ok what The Golden One said i was trying to remember, was basically using the term “BETA LEFTIST.” leftists are beta, betas are leftist. i think its great how he just comes out and says it. makes the not too difficult connection. but he really drives the connection home by using the term BETA LEFTIST regularly. a good one is the “beta leftist journalist” oh god who doesnt hate them hahaha.

in his no porn

video, he says, next time you want to jerk off to degenerate porn, imagine a beta leftist journalist is watching over you saying “GOOD GOOD” hahahaha. he believes porn is degenerate and beta and pathetic and you should earn the the luxury of getting with a woman and this is not something that should be a spectator sport, and it will take away your Natural Masculine Energy.

i would add to that that it makes a mockery of the natural, healthy male female relationship. degrades it, defiles it, blasphemes it, perverts it.

ok the other more important thing he says, is to ask yourself, “is this WORTHY of me?” while taking a fairly Cocky, Superior view of yourself, even if you have to force it at first. of COURSE disgusting degenerate beta leftist porn is not worthy of a man who aspires to be something greater, and to RISE ABOVE the degeneracy and the filth and the scum and the whores hahahahaha.