SHE COULD GET AWAY WITH NOT DEALING WITH IT

yep

sept 11

heh. not to insult the old friends of mine who are unfortuantely, sadly leftist, but……. i just remembered something that happened on our recent reunion that made me shake my head and told me that there was no hope in trying to Turn these people hehehehe.

basically it was simple, just talking about LB Johnson and how he was such a old school white racist who wanted segregation for blacks. it didnt matter that he was huge democrat and the great society and that he might have done more than any one president to turn our once great nation into a marxist progressive antiwhite disgrace. immigration, welfare, etc. they touched on this, but were like, YEAH BUT he was also a huge old school white racist from texas. he wasn’t a real modern democrat….even though he probably did more SJW shit than any modern democrat. all they saw was an evil white racist.

basically they should be worshipping this guy like he was the next MLK! but no, all they see is a white racist!

because he simply LOOKED LIKE a white normie from texas! just a masculine white man with a texas twang. never mind that his policies opened the door to giving BILLIONS to nonwhites!

really I should have said, YEAH BUT dont you think you’re underestimating the effect of the great society? i mean really, isnt LBJ the greatest person for Civil Rights since MLK? do you really think thats fair just to write him off as an evil white racist? he really wasnt old school at all!

i was just caught off guard by the ridiculousness of it, and also my communication skills were compromised by MJ!

and yet these are decent, moral white people parroting this nonsense!

they cant get past LBJ looking like a FOOKING WHITE MALE to realize the pretty obvious truth that he was a YUGE SJW and pretty much sentenced the white race to death hahahahaha. the fact that he has a twangy accent and wasnt a Marxist Community Organizer is enough for them!

and ultimately he went to do one of the single biggest Marxist Actions our country has ever seen!

doesnt matter, cuz he LOOKS like a traditional white family man. so somehow he was a “conservative democrat”. wtf???????

you could not have a more marxist prez if KARL MARX had been prez!!!!!!!!

why the hell would they signal against LBJ of all people?

because in their mind, he represents Traditional Old School White Racists.

EVEN THOUGH HE DIDNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

in hindsight I should have probed on this absolutely ridiculous discussion, but again, MJ makes me unable to have even simple small talk.

oh and LBJ probably owned a GUN too. he was the type of guy to go HUNTING. and he probably didnt want his daughter to be a race mixing slut. what a racist sexist woman hating black hating bigot racist.

they cant look past these tiny details to see the YUGE OBVIOUS LASTING LEGACY of LBJ!!!!!!

Maybe i am OVERESTIMATING LBJ and the great society pogams in particular.

i mean im sure there were tons of marxist j’s advising him.

hmmmm i have found the new evalion hahahahahah

i bet this channel will be shut down by the time this post posts.

well after 1 minute of inspection she seems less slutty than evalion, but she does have crazy eyes!

not gonna get my hopes up too much here.

but I would wager that shes taken less cox than evalion and might be a better wife and mother.

gonna try to manage expectations tho.

i guess she already did an interview with sinead. i hope sinead does not latch onto her and turn her into even more of a psychopath.

i would feel a lot more comfortable if she (crusader gurl) were doing this with her father or something. what does her father think of all this?

it feeeeels really weird and wrong for very young gurls to get on the frontlines of a very real ideological war. just like with Combat, women SHOULDN’T be doing this. you can support your father or husband or brother who is doing it. make white babies with your white husband. maybe make videos about how awesome being a mother is. and cool it with the hitlers and the swastikas. they make you look like a shill hhahahahahaha.

men can do that, women cant. and even most men dont fathom what theyre getting into when they do that. i say, err on the side of caution and dont go full 1488 until you know exactly what youre getting into. like me hahahaha. and even i dont post hitlers and swastikas. it just looks fishy when a 17 year old gurl on the internet does.

girl on the internet syndrome. beware.

maybe do a show with your strong white boifran. or father.

i should really write to her and try to become her handler. i mean women can REACH alot more people than men. she can get 1000 subscribers in a day where it would take a guy a YEAR. people pay a lot more attention to young purty wimmin. so, tread carefully. she is gonna be under a TON of scrutiny, like evalion, and it didnt take long for evalion to be shut down and probably discredited.

and yes their secs lives ARE relevant, because you want a person with GOOD CHARACTER.

and really….yeah its nice to see women getting into this stuff, but I have NEVER heard something explained MORE profoundly or powerfully by a woman than by a man. NEVER. in other words, a man can ALWAYS say this stuff more persuasively. More Better, hahahahaha.

but the women get more initial views.

and im sure part of it is me being Lonely for a Woman that is Against Race Mixing.

here’s a fun game for you: test women you meet by getting them talking about idris elba or denzel washington. I reckon the MAJORITY of them will take the bait and say DAYUM WHAT A SEXY MAN. MMM HMMMM. I WOULD SUCK HIM OFF RIGHT NOW. I WOULD FOOK HIM ALL NIGHT AND LET HIM BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME.

this is a blatant signal that the woman is open to race mixing.

the ideal woman would get uncomfortable talking about secs, would not say anything publicly, then in private, would tell you shes just not into black guys.

just look for any remark where a white woman talks about a black guy being Handsome or Secsy.

if you’re against race-mixing, you JUST WOULDNT DO THAT.

I never talk about how nonwhite women are good looking! because I honestly dont care! I DONT WANT TO RACE MIX!!!!

well there are a couple jooish and maybe indian women i would bang. but they would probably stink like curry!

and also i have fully thought through the implications of having children with them, and that is something i would never want to do!

but yeah, its just not the DOMAIN of cute innocent doe eyed 16 year old gurls to be talking about this stuff!!!!!

KIND OF like how its not the domain of innocent little gurls to be huge cvm guzzling sluts!

well….i say kind of because those are two VERY different things.  i’m just trying to say that young gurls are JUST TOO INNOCENT for this kind of stuff. it’s TOO MUCH for them. it’s not RIGHT for them to be in it.

kind of like a woman forgoing being a wife and mother so she can be a damn CEO.

it’s just not her natural place. its weird and wrong.

so yeah i hope this gurl acts honorably because its SAD to see a qt innocent young white gurl be a DUMPSTER FIRE. just do what michelle k did and Resign. or do what the truth will live did and stop youtube but just do twitter only.

of course TTWL is 100% jooish. but uhhhh she was really qt and had great alt right ideas and was converting to Catholic. real interesting case.

but yeah its DISTRACTING unless you have your OWN alt right waifu. and probably most waifus could be MADE alt right with your firm, fair guidance.

this crusader gurl looks like a purer, more innocent, lower number gurl than evalion, and i dont want to see another young white girl turn into a dumpster fire for the whole internet to see.

dont look for a gurl with political opinions. find a gurl with basically no political opinions, but who has deep moral opinions about not being a slut, about not fooking blacks, about not murdering her babies. that’s all you need. and finding that will be difficult enough!

heh i am actually tempted to write this girl a message because she might actually read it now, rather than 2 weeks from now, when she has EXPLODED in popularity.

well, sinead has probably already told her how horrible TRS is.

basically TRS needs to take this girl under their wing and use her as a TRS propaganda person. TRS are good, strong, smart men. I trust them hehehe.

hehehe

https://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/

https://voat.co/v/talesfromtechsupport

also i saw some bitch saying that its normal for a 30 year old man to take only 6 months to get over a 2 year relship. yeah maybe if you are some sociopath who just views people as bags of meat, BITCH!

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/

loveshack has like 1700 people on it right now, relship forums has like 400 tops. go with loveshack. i am looking for something with a LOT of people.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/

plus they have a great subforum that is all about That Gray Area where you might be becoming more than friends, or wanting to.

yep the big 400th job app.  next it will be the big 500th hahahaha.

http://archive.is/fdCUL

How to Choose a Wife in a Feminist Society by PA

good blogger, i should directly link to him, got a good alt right racist white mind. i just dont want anyone to know i link to them. go look at his blog and give him a dollar hahahaha.

twitter can be fun sometimes

oh yeah this one was florian geyer. well he doesnt really use it. and his NRx blog only has 2 posts. i was looking to try to find the origin story on this guy cuz i like him. he is great. he is very smart and very funny and will be a great priest but he should have some keeids tho.

here is a guy that is on the fatherland sometimes, seems like a real good guy, and he does a pro family podcast with his WIFE. should prob check that out at some point.

sept 12

welp, was very decisive about getting a haircut today, even though probably didnt really NEED it…..but previous i usually waited TOO long, and today i just wanted to be decisive and get a haircut fairly earlier than last time, PLUS whenever i get a haircut, it boosts confidence, so, really no risk, high reward. waited 66 days this time, 9 weeks or so. this isnt TOO early, I dont think.

had ridiculously disturbing dream with HER in it and it just gets worse. i was bitching at her like  a little bitch, please stop avoiding and ignoring me, just hang out with me already, don’t dump me LIKE THIS, and getting really bitchy and passive aggressive about it, then she was like FINE. FINE. what do you want from me. and then she got up on this ladder or lege or something about 14 feet off the ground and dove headfirst into the ground, grotesquely breaking her own head and neck. absolutely horrifying. that’s not what i was asking for!!!!!! i just wanted to sit down and have an hourlong private talk!!!!

there was an implication that some other guy was also heartbroken and HE had K’d himself the same way, diving headfirst into the ground.

also in another part of the dream, I was grotesquely deformed, like missing half my face, and also that side of my body was all grotestquely deformed. naturally people reacted to the sight of me with horror.  I couldn’t really see myself though, and I didn’t really FEEL horrific.

then I met a qt young woman who was nice to me, did not react with horror, and I wondered, wow, did I miraculously get better somehow? do I really look normal now? or is she just super nice?

so yeah, lot of symbolism there hahahahahahahaha.

and then it went into that super disturbing part with HER and the neck breaking etc. good god how does my brain come up with this horror.

so yeah i am surprised i was not MORE affected by the dream (nightmare!!!!!) but I guess forcing myself to get out and get haircut helped with that.

also in the dream she seemed like a different person. it sorta looked like her, but a more crazy, unstable, bitchy, evil version of her.

basically she did what she did because:

  1. she didnt have Special Feelings for me
  2. She could Get Away with Not Dealing with it.

PERIOD.

some things you are FORCED to deal with. you cant escape from them. this was not one of those things.

i bet she DID feel bad about hurting me. but she did not HAVE to deal with it….so she didn’t. The End. Period. Thats All Folks. That’s ALL it boils down to. I bet she DID feel bad. (Im sure she’s gotten over that LONG ago, though)

2pm sept 2

sheeeeeeeit. sitting at car dealership, they have free wifi thank god. look like a real phaggot wiht muh laptop but this is gonna take at LEAST 90 minutes.

hope nobody steals mh password who is out there packet sniffing hahahahahah.

321 pm

wow that was quick. they said 90 minutes, i expected 2 hours, and i was out of there within 1 hour.

there was a young arab girl reading a Yuge Law Skool Torts Textbook. Good for her going to Law Skool. She looked very bitchy and high maintenance but young and bangable and in Healthy BMI range. not that I advocate Race Mixing but I would bang her if i had to. would not make babies with, OBVIOUSLY!!!!!!

why am i saying this? i guess to get a pity party for my desperation, to describe my desparation, that i would rather bang a healthy young nonwhite than a fat ugly unhealthy white hahahahaha. but i would never BRAG about it or RECOMMEND it hahahahaha.

 

 

THIS IS WORK, NOT SCHOOL

aug 19

big interview with the asians today. the 15th interview. well it only makes sense i should get to 20 then.

had that sense of nervousness last night, like i couldnt study enough about the stupid company, and nothing was sticking.

THIS IS WORK, NOT SCHOOL. You don’t come here to LEARN, you come here to WORK. DO. MAKE. Do LEARNING on your OWN time. LEARNING wastes time and money.

so say youre having trouble with a class. struggling. there is ALWAYS outside help people are very willing to give you, whether its from the teacher (maybe) or a tutor. the school often provides tutors for the popular “hard” classes in math and science. but what if you want a tutor for your JOB because youre just not getting it good enough? you want to, and you are very frustrated.

THIS IS WORK, NOT SCHOOL. NO TUTOR. figure it out yourself or i guess you werent a good fit. see ya.

or, alternatively, say you call the tutor and they KNOW EVEN LESS THAN YOU DO. they never even TOOK the course, and you’re describing to them difficult problems from the course. how do I do this integral you say, and they say, hmmm whats an integral? i dont have any knowledge or experience in the subject i’m supposed to be tutoring.

THAT was EXACTLY how the last job was. I STILL get sick just THINKING about it.

an acquaintance of mine described how he lately has developed nervousness on PLANES, which certainly a lot of people have. totally understandable. I want to go to the doc and get a few xanax for this plane ride. he said even just THINKING of the experience in the plane was starting to make him nervous. yep. i totally understand completely.

the job was like being locked in the plane all day every day.

it pushed you to a panic state of Fight Or Flight, and you wanted to Flight, but you COULDNT. It was your JOB to FIGHT.

so how well do you think you’re going to fight when you’re panicking and you want to flight? you’re gonna fight like shit, make bad decisions, and get BTFO’d! K’d!

a successful fight usually requires superior strength, and or preparation.

like if you are caught off guard by a big burly brute, you better hope you are a well trained martial artist. or have a Sidearm.

AYO HOL UP. what kind of job is only open for ONE DAY. opens 18th, closes on the 19th. pays 20 dah. not bad uh. state job so they tel you that info. anyway. that tells me that they HAVE to post the job, but there’s no minimum amount of days they have to post it. and there is strong implication the job will go to someone internal. which is GOOD! unless its been promised to someones incompetent daughter hahahahaha. which is not good.

heh. now i am not worried at all about the interview. fookin asians. last time i apply for this company hahaha. no health care premiums but they dont cover prescriptions i hear. yeah well i need prescriptions to keep me “sane” enough to essentially not be disabled hahahahaha.

millennial woes is exactly right, casual secs and promiscuity is NIHILISTIC and leads to NIHILISM.

same thing with ABORTION.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/i-feel-i-have-lost-ability-communicate-people

hehehehe

had muh interview with the asians. talked to two white guys who were definitely engineerish. seemed nice but also a bit dorky. PERFECT. well the one white guy had sort of asian eyes. he could have been 35% asian hahaha. i just tried to make myself not seem like a total idiot. they have second interviews. i might get invited to that. im sure the asians will be at that one. i definitely saw asians when i went in. asian gurl at the front desk. i even heard asians speaking asian hahahahahaha.

YES I know exactly what manner of asians these are, i’m just not SAYING due to doxxing.

the white guys seemed nice. not alpha charismatic trumplike though. just straightforward sorta dorky white engineer normies. i think they want more of an engin background than i have. they were not allowed to discuss pay, or how many people were interviewing.  glassdoor suggests about 14.50 an hour. the guys did say it was hourly not salary. they could divulge that much.

they said there was training. and people who could help you. and you dont take phone calls from the customers. you just TEST the PARTS. i might even take the job if offered hahaha. it is fairly close.

casual sex and chill hangouts are   N I H I L I S T I C !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when you are an angry 16 year old virgin, nihilism SOUNDS really kewl. but its really no way to live. its degenerate and nihilistic and BAD and shitty.

anyway i went in there thinking fook this place, fook off back to asia, you dont know how to run an american company,  and talking to the white guys i felt a little better. but yeah i def saw and heard some asians chattering in asian. i am SURE there is a double reality or classes of people here. asians speaking asian, making all the big decisions, reasonable or more likely unreasonable, and then the white goy underlings.

supposedly the bilingual asian-americans are seen as the lowest of all rather than the native asians? that seems weird. but asians are weird.

no i dont have any asian friends. or jooish friends or arab friends or black friends or brown friends or female friends or gay friends hahahahaha.

well, i will be reuniting soon with a college acquaintance who is a jooish woman lesbian hahahahahaha. i got along with her well back in the day, she was very nice to me and i was nice to her. well i feel bad even that i sorta left her in the lurch when i made a new group of friends who were more dramatic hahaha. they were good people too but they were very cliquish and i got sucked into the clique. big part of it, i was in LUV with this one gurl in the clique. that was really the crux right there.

OH ITS 440pm on FRIDAY AFTERNOON, THAT MEANS THE REJECTION EMAILS START ROLLING IN.

heres one for General Office Clerk full time at the Big Medical Revenue place that is super close. the place that has Reasonable Job Descriptions for entry level people, so I apply to all their shit except the call center CSR jobs.

actually this was a PART TIME job with them that i applied for 3 weeks ago. pretty good turnaround time guys hahaha. no it really is. i expect at LEAST a month to get a rejection email!

25-30 people in the quality testing department the job is in.

aug 20

yes as i get further out the clearer everything becomes. she just didnt want to DEAL WITH IT. you ever get something thats just TOO MUCH TO HANDLE. thats what it was for her. as soon as she saw one long email from me, she said NOPE. TOO MUCH TO HANDLE. I CANT DEAL WITH THIS. delete. not because she hated me, not because she felt betrayed by me, not because i was a horrible person, all stuff i was very worried about at the time.

also, it’s much easier to lose a friend than it is to lose somebody youre in LUV with. MUCH easier hahahaha.

plus she was in the process of moving out of our friendship anyway. well it would have been nice if she talked about that with me tho hahahaha.

shit yeah it sucks. shit YEAH it takes a LONG time to get over. at the One Year anniversary, i am actually pleasantly surprised by how much I AM Over It. It seems too fast, too soon, for something that was THAT big of a deal. should take at LEAST TWO years to get over hahahaha. well, im not over it entirely. it prob will take 2 years before i am able to have feelings for other women.

this was a great talk, i wish it went on longer. you dont have to end it just because its an HOUR, greggy hahahaha. Weev is WHITE HOT and one of the BEST young people for Our Movement. I think Greg is great, but he’s not on the Leading Edge. But he WANTS to be, he’s TRYING to be, and that is good. he embraces leading edge stuff like Weev and TRS, rather than infighting against it like irrelevant butthurt losers.

I like how Weev cracks himself up laughing at his own ridiculous jokes. he sounds a little bipolar or narcissistic but thats not really surprising.  he’s a great Ideas Man, he’s young, he’s ridic smart, and i am glad to have him on our side. i just want him to make more appearances and give more talks. make more vidyas. every time he talks he says something interesting and usually important and useful.

this is why i donate 25 euros a week to WEEV hahahahahaha.

yeah of COURSHE i would try to get weev on my podcast hahahaha. i would have him on for 3 hours and for multiple episodes. whenever he wanted.

well i mean i would have my huhwyte podcast, and then my neetcast, and i’m not sure there should be a lot of crossover. BUT THATS MY NICHE!! pro-white neets!!!!!!!!!

but pro-white is GOOD, and neet is BAD. well, thats why I focus on OVERCOMING neetness, UP FROM neetness! it’s not a celebration of neetness!!!!!! AT ALL!

I am older than weev, but younger than greg. i really identify with the younger generation here, but i am also slow to adapt to change like the older generation. like i totally understand greg’s attachment to publishing. its what he DOES. but i dont see it as a Growth Market. not that everything HAS to GROW all the time. but we WANT pro-white stuff to grow for sure!

and weev is applying an interesting advertising/marketing like perspective to it all.

i wish weev would come back to the US and do a lot more real life networking. real life networking is also VERY important. more important than publishing books. we have enough good books.

right now the hot shit is memes and forums, PODCASTS, and real life meetups and networking. getting successful, well-adjusted normies on our side. people with good jobs, wives and children. get the strong, successful alpha men on our side, and then the women will follow.

anyway lots of older huhwhytes say weev is controlled opposition, a shill, a mole, that back in the day he “hunted nazis” and now he is just rounding up young gullible nazis with no knowledge of his history.

that he is a FED, basically.

i dunno. i’ve been disappointed before. if he turns out to be a fed I will stop giving him money and singing his praises. TRS and Daily Stormer like him, so that is good enough for me. and Greg hahaha.

so yeah i am less angry at HER as well. i can totally forgive her and be somewhat less butthurt. i can totally understand why a person gets into fight or flight mode and then runs away. says NOPE. I CANT EVEN. ive done it before. i knew it was not the greatest thing to do but i just didnt care. i was that convinced i couldnt deal with it, i didnt care who i hurt. well i was never really HURTING anyone hahaha but myself. no not in a physical self mutilation way thank god!!!! but in a throw my future career away sort of way.

so yeah i dont get as mad any more about her doing something HORRIBLE to me. yeah it wasnt GOOD, but it is SUPER understandable. that doesnt make it right, but it doesnt make it horrible either. it sure felt horrible because i was in serious luv with her, and i stand by that. true luv is not something to be trifled with. its what joins two peopel together for LYFE, and creates NEW life. its more serious than cancer. and thats what i had for her. not some casual, nihilistic, replaceable, throwaway trash jooish bullshit.

joos turning your luv and your relationships into cheap chinese throwaway crap that you buy at walmart and the dollar store.

http://www.dailystormer.com/we-made-the-cover-of-time/

alt right internet trolls are the current cover of time

i guess the magazine is dying but thats still pretty big, its in doctors offices and normies homes everywhere.

ok no comments on the time article allowed. it only really mentions milo the joo queer and also weev, with some great quotes from him, telling the joo author of the time article he belongs in a fooking oven.  and of course milo is a degen and doesnt represent anyone. does he represent breitbart? im sure there are many decent breitbart readers and maybe some ok breitbart writers…..but he is not one of them hahahaha. talking about loving black dick. gay making out with gavin mcinnes to show that right wingers are not “homophobic.” i mean i guess mcinnes could be a gateway to better thinkers hehehe. but i didnt need a gateway. well im not a normie tho hahaha.

well lets say i found some young gurl who i found really qt and she turned out to be a huge slut and offer it up to me quickly. of COURSHE i would take her up on that. i cannot turn down secs from attractive young women, casual or not! but she would probably “dump” me after i banged her 3 or less times anyway. cuz i would be nervous and therefore the secs would be AWKWARD. the first time would be horrible. the second time would be a little better. by the third time, might even cross the line into good…..but by then the gurl will be turned off from the previous two bad times. there wont be a third time. of course it wouldnt be “bad” for me, it would just be awkward and very very self conscious and nervous.  and that would be enough to make it “BAD” for the woman. I would want to do it again, and she wouldnt.

 

YOU WILL DRINK THE BLACK SPERM OF MUH VENGEANCE

may 28

that title is from a nile song on the “festivals of atonement” ep from 1995 hahaha. or 1997.

heh. couldnt sleep last night having work worries, like should i take the post office job. i kinda wish i had never even applied for the post office hahahaha. not sure what would be the less shitty job. city carrier, or mail processing clerk.

https://toughnickel.com/industries/CCA-Survival-How-to-Make-it-Through-Your-Postal-Trial-by-Fire

https://toughnickel.com/industries/CCA-Bootcamp-What-to-Expect-During-your-Brief-but-Brutal-Letter-Carrier-Initiation

https://toughnickel.com/misc/So-You-Want-to-Be-a-Mailman-The-CCA-Experience

heh this is not really changing that very uncertain feeling in muh gut

this author “mel carriere” hahahah is actually a very funny and good writer. There are some very intelligent people who currently work in the PO who write very articulate screeds on the internet. but he has a good sense of humor which i do not think i would share.

heh i am now feeling very bad about post office. my gut feeling says no. ok. its ok to feel the feelings. if i were ACTUALLY DESPERATE that would be a LOT different. If I had kids to take care of or i was gonna get thrown out on the street. and many people ARE!!!!! and god bless them and take care of them. but i dont need that help. I recognize muh privilege. and I know that I am too big of a crybaby and not tuff enough to handle this type of stuff.

basically every job that starts you out at 15 bucks an hour is gonna have a CATCH. where it basically sucks so bad you struggle not to RAGEQUIT.

better to shoot for 12 dollars an hour and never have a wife and kids. just bang 20 year old sluts. ok fine. i mean I would like to have a wife and kids. but as an alternative, and not nearly a perfect replacement, I’ll take banging 20 year old sluts.

I kinda felt this way after I finally got over Woman2012 and before I fell in luv with woman2015.

now I can see how insignificant woman2012 was to my life. we barely hung out, barely knew each other.

woman2015 was a lot more significant. we talked and texted and hung out regularly and she told me secrets.

i am kinda butthurt that I was there for her when she needed me, but she left me in the lurch when I really needed HER.

Ok so I need to come up with a good story when the post office offers me their shitty job hahahaha. say sorry but I’ve accepted another offer. With the county water dept hahahahahahaha.  and then tell the water dept i cant take their shitty job because i accepted an offer with the post office hahaha.

well the best bet is this interview i have next week with a FT City job. department clerk. Maybe it will be like a mini call center taking calls 75% of the day. but it is a lot closer and the hours are 9 to 5 and pays like fooking 18 dollars an hour horry sheet.

well. how much of the day would I permit to be Active On Phone Calls for that job? maybe as much as 65% hahahaha. its 5 miles away, 18 bucks an hour, no split shifts, weekends off. consistent schedule.

so yeah I think I will just put the brakes way on the post office stuff.

i was driving down this one street close to home and there is a big industrial area there including a big FEDGOV installation and I was thinking, yep would be nice to get a job there, thats where successful people work hahaha. and then right near there there was a building affiliated with the local college that seemed to promote technical training. like for smarty pants machining and assembly jobs. the college website didnt seem to have too much info on how to actually take classes in this building.

but i am toying with the idea of taking classes to make myself look less lazy. make self look marginally less lazy, by taking 1 class a semester, and having the occasional interview. not bad plan uh?

classes are expensive though. so thats why you only take 1 at a time hahaha.

oooosh. had to fight temptation to look at HER profile on linkedin. cuz i know she is permanently out of a job now and she will prob get a job a lot faster than I will. but WHERE? i know for a fact things are drastically changing in HER life, and I DO want to know where she goes next. somewhere better? somewhere worse? another Call Center? something with LEadership? something that I need to be better than? and she doesn’t care what I’m doing. so Im glad I fought that urge. she was never active on linkedin, but being out of a job and looking for a new one is a good reason to start getting active on linkedin.

I WAS THERE FOR HER, WHY COULDNT SHE BE THERE FOR ME?

well because i was asking too much.

well i WASNT really. I wasnt asking her to be in luv with me, i was just asking her to talk to me and end the rel in a respectable way.

but she was too confused to realize that. she didnt want to understand that.

and she didnt want to make the effort to understand because she just blocked me!

oh well life goes on and i can make up lies as why to not take this post office job. welp they must have chosen that black guy instead hahahahaha. oh well looks like i was guilty of being white. white mans burden, lloyd.

hahahaha.

i am a proud white man but i have the WORK ETHIC of the laziest inger hahaha. i dont want to work, i dont believe hard work will make you free, i dont believe in the american dream, i just want to coast, i am indolent and insolent and shifty and shiftless and surly.

a white man with a black mans work ethic. this is absolutely shameful and degenerate.

heh. well at least I KNOW its shameful and degenerate.

my new thing is to drink 3/4 a cup of 2% milk in the afternoon while waiting for muh Big Meal of Dinner. Actually, to mix in that milk with a cup of coffee, so i am drinking a large very milky coffee.

really i just want to go back to high school and do all the things right that I did wrong. like maybe got into a STEM high school or a vocational program in high school, like some high schools have good Career Prep stuff and teach you machining and Electronics and stuff like that.

Well I didnt really have a lot of say in what high school I went to. I went to a college prep high school so, i was gonna get prepared for college.

thats ok too. I should have just eased off on the AP classes and went to community college or trade school or, at most, local university. NOT a highly-selective, well-known, successful, middle class, high-expectations university at age 18 like I did.

I didnt realize that getting a bad attitude in college would mess up muh life so much. I had a terrible attitude during high school and I got into a very good college. I had a terrible attitude in college and now I have had a TERRIBLE outcome in life. I was expecting tedious, boring, and average at worst. I had no idea how bad it could get hahahaha.

like, get a degree from this well-known school, any degree, even a useless degree, and get a boring job as an office drone.

NOPE. YOU WISH.

but I was 18-21 years old and I knew nothing! I just wanted to sm0ke MJ, drink booze, and bang young college qts!

which is itself the WORST attitude you can have while at college. because it jeopardizes your performance in a solid STEM field. but I didnt think you needed solid performance in a solid stem field. MAYBE if I were going to a “worse” college. but with the name recognition here, I could AFFORD to COAST in a useless nonstem degree and that will be enough.

IT WASNT hahahaha.

its not that I see myself as being ABOVE that sort of work. its more than I am TERRIFIED that I am not TUFF ENUFF 2 HANDLE IT. its again like private pyle and boot camp. i KNOW Im not above it!!! It is probably above me!

or is this a case where i need to SAY YES to something, then FACE MUH FEAR?

I just wish there were a less extreme way of facing muh fear than taking such a damn big RISK. Going out and doing interviews, ok thats a fear facing thing I can do, but accepting such a controversial job seems so damn risky for me. i dont want to go ALL IN like this.

i luv the fatherland 1488 dadcast but I wish there were also a podcast for neet virgin incel omega losers. lazy losers like us who have no hope of having a job or a wife and kids like these lucky fools who get to secure the existence of our people and a future for their white children.

wheres the podcast for the neets. the neetcast hahaha. it’s clearly incumbent on me to do it. show agency.

on episode 27 jim made some remark like he gets a lot of childless men asking to be on the show, and or neets, and then he made some remark like NOPE, we have standards here, we only have men with kids, you can send us your questions, but you can’t come on the show. its NOT COMPLICATED. just meet a nice woman and have kids.

so naturally I and all the other neets will find that very patronizing. believe me I would LOVE to JUST find a nice woman who isnt a god damn traitorous whore, who hadn’t taken 100000000 cox. I dont have a high opinion of my self, but I know I’m better than to Create New White Life with some damn gutter slut.

they think its so damn EASY to find a decent woman and to find a decent job. check your normie nonvirgin privilege, chad hahaha.

so yeah I think they should regularly have neets and at least childless men on. because we want what they have. we listen to the god damn show.

but should you settle for example, with some slut just because she’s white? also the guys didn’t give nearly as much commentary as I would have liked on a forum thread where guys talk about marrying and having kids with single mothers. I don’t want to marry a single mother but SOME guys have done all right with single mothers. how can we diferentiate the good single mothers from the bad single mothers, knowing that being a single mother is itself very risky red flag?  i mean yeah we’d PREFER a woman who was not already a mother!

anyway i just want these guys to understand how hard it is to find a woman who is WORTH having kids with, who isnt a damn whore with 10+ guys. I want a neet or incel to come on the show and give them those hard questions:

should you marry a woman who has been with 10+ guys? has YOUR wife been with 10+ guys? would you marry her if she had?

you do understand many guys have to settle for single mothers because they can’t find decent women who don’t have children. better to just assume they’ve learned from their mistake, rather than they would repeat their mistake.

so yeah hopefully jim goes back on his anti-neet hatred. childless guys are listening to this show because they WANT TO BECOME LIKE YOU. So give them the respect of coming on the show. dont just tell us to have some kids.

BECAUSE WE DONT WANT TO HAVE KIDS with these women!!!!!!!! we want to have kids with GOOD women, like you guys have! you guys actually Luv your wives! and aren’t just knocking up some tattooed slut! you make fun of tattooed sluts just like we do!

applied for the same 26000 dollar entry level county job i applied to 2 weeks ago. they reposted the posting and allowed me to apply again. this time i included two letters of recommendation as opposed to just once like last time.

i forgot about the frustration of applying to the SAME JOBS over and over again because they didnt contact you the first time. it pays less than the post office, but you have a much easier time getting a job at the post office. or a damn call center hahahaha.

i guess if its hard to get……then the better the job IS, right??!?!?!?!?! so I WANT a job thats hard to get. but they’re just so hard to get!!!!!!

reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee just have some kids with the dirty herpes hepatitis bar slut with the neck tattoo and then we can be on your podcast hahahaha. men become deadbeat fathers because the MOTHERS are total shit hahahahaha. you dont abandon your child if you’re having the child with a quality woman!!!!!! if the woman is a train wreck then you run the fook away!!!!

yeah its wrong, yeah you should take care of your kids, but its a lot easier when you love and respect the mother of your children is all i’m saying. and these guys clearly do. they need to RECOGNIZE and respect how hard it is to find a woman like that.

may 29

black pigeon releases a sequel to his controversial and popular vidya hahaha. not a fan of the pornographic (hahahaha) thumbnail but also he does not seem like a butthurt mgtow woman hater either. just speaking from more of a red-pill, pro-white alt right perspective that women vote for antiwhite leaders who bring in more and more outsiders. that women are shitty at defending their ingroup…..but thats not their job, that’s mens job. but they have been given the political power to destroy their ingroup.

so, IMHO, men need to step up and defend the ingroup by preventing women from voting, hahahaha. if every man could keep at least one woman from voting, that would be great.

IDEAS MAN!!!!!!!

so how would you do that?

i dunno do vote shaming. like only sluts and weird weird crazy batshit women vote. oh you vote? you must be a crazy slut catlady who cant get a man. and youre not strong and independent either. youre just crazy and NO ONE LIKES YOU. cool people dont want to hang out with you. the only people that want to hang out with you are losers. the only people that want you are loser creepy men who can’t pull a better woman.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE, BABY?

CREEPBAIT.

oh yeah. had stupid dream with THAT WOMAN again. this is like 3 times in one week, this is RIDICULOUS. And I am actually starting to get over her too! and then the most dreams ever.

Here I was hanging out with 2 male friends, and her, and she was ignoring me and flirting with my male friends. naturally I got butthurt and jealous and mad and started getting angry at her. of course the second you get angry at a woman, you’re the bad guy, so she said something like see this is why I don’t want to hang out with you, your friend is way cooler than you. also I was possibly a little disappointed that my freinds werent taking more of a BROS BEFORE HOES approach.

thing is, she wasnt like that AT ALL. I’ve known other women who were, like woman2004, and yeah that was kinda convenient because it made it a lot easier to hate the woman. and no, no woman was ever doing any serious moves on any of my real close friends.  thank GOD!!!!!

anyway That Woman wasn’t really like that. I don’t want to mischaracterize her and say She’s Like All Women and All Women Are Like That…..because its not true.

so in that sense the dream was bad and inaccurate.

but it didnt really BOTHER me that much thank GOD.

ok one other point. I have been worried that I’m gonna misremember her as our entire relationship was a farce, a relationship simulator, that there was nothing there, that it was a totally one sided rel, much like it was with…..most women i have gotten feelings for.

when its pretty clear there WAS a substantial, real, long term relationship there. and it’s important to me just to recognized that THAT HAPPENED. THAT WAS REAL. that WASNT all in my mind.

And I worry that because of the way it ended, I will remember the relship wrong, and say, welp, its just another woman where the WHOLE REL WAS A FARCE/FRAUD/SIMULATION.

but it wasn’t. many things with women WERE, but NOT THIS ONE. and I don’t want to get confused there. and I have beeen so confused lately hahaha.

what helped me here was I thought about the few other women I had had Real Friendships with. Specifically two other women. maybe 3. I never fell in LUV with them, but we WERE actual friends who hung out regularly and got along well and they didn’t AVOID me and they liked me as a person and thankfully I never Got Feelings.

Anyway we eventually drifted apart with no hard feelings, and many years later, I can STILL look back and say, yep, we had an Actual, Bona Fide, NOnsimulated, Decent Friendship for a decent period of time. I wish them nothing but the best. And I don’t need their reassurance now that the friendship WAS real. I KNOW it was real and thats good enough for me.  and this friendship is in a much different class than all those fake, aborted, farce pseudo-rels I had with other women.

so yeah I don’t want to remember my rel with That Woman as a PSEUDOREL, when it WASNT.

But thinking of the OTHER women I have had legit, bona fide friendships with, it REASSURED me that I won’t misremember things in that way in a few years.

In conclusion, I will be able to look back on That Woman and say yeah, we did have a REAL, legit Relationship. It just ended in the worst way EVER.

just transferred 73 dollars from mturk into muh bank account. gettin paid hahahaha. doesnt feel bad.

also maybe “pseudorel” is a bad word for what I had with Those Other WOmen. I really don’t BLAME myself for getting feelings. Maybe we didnt spend a LOT of time together over the long term, maybe they didnt tell me their deepest darkest secrets and introduce me to their families, but they told me the basics about themselves and offered their  young nubile fertile bodies to me, and I being a young, innocent, naive NiceGui, that activated endorphins and oxytocin and vasopressin in my brain, and I Bonded with them. established an Emotional Connection with them. so that I was confused and very disappointed to see that they could be DONE with me so quickly and easily. Didn’t they BOND with me too? and if they did, how could it disappear so quickly? wtf was WRONG with THEM?

so yeah I don’t blame myself too much there.

maybe is wasn’t a total pseudo rel, but it still wasnt a rel deep rel or a two sided rel.

and at one time, for 2 years, I had a real, nonpseudo, two sided rel with That Woman. I just hoped she would REcognize and Appreciate that. But just because she didnt doesnt mean it doesnt exist.

although lately i’ve been going through a very irrational stage where I am just confused in everything and I doubt everything. how do we KNOW anything. at war with reality hahaha. you cant prove ANYTHING. nothing is REAL. ONLY DEATH IS REALLLLLLL hahahaha.

hahahahha death is real funny hahahah

what about woman2012? was that a pseudorel?

well…..yes and no. it was one sided from the beginning. but she was a nice, honest, moral person. but it was so one sided yeah I can’t say it was ever a REAL rel. but she had good will and good faith. she was just retarded at dealing with men plus she was OBSESSED with her schoolwork. which paid off bigtime for her. well good for her. also when she finally rejected me she did it in the Best Way Ever: Open and Honest Communication.

but yeah that gave me some sense of peace: that I didn’t need HER to CONFIRM that YES, we DID have a REAL Relationship. Just like I don’t need my other female friends to Confirm. Although I’m sure they would be willing to if I Reached out and asked them. But I don’t feel any NEED to. I am SECURE in the knowledge.

fatherland 027 hate to bash jim the anti-neet so much because nick b steves had some GREAT points in this episode, was a great guest. great points on porn like it makes things that arent supposed to be sexual, sexual, so men can’t even TALK to women. they see a woman holding a pen and get nervous and sweaty thinking of porn women holding dicks. the majority of time they spend with women is seeing this artificial hyperstimulus. so they cant interact with women in real life. very sad.

or the idea that gayness is hypersexuality. not EVERYTHING is SEXY.

or the idea that men used to do some pretty gay things together with their male friends but no one even THOUGHT about the gay aspect because gayness wasnt so accepted and tolerated. so you didnt need to say “no homo” every time you complimented a man.

but yeah jim I think you need to rethink your policy. bend a little on this one. have a neet on once in a while. not just the best of the best, one time only. but how about the worst of the worst. like us. hahahaha. we WANT TO BE LIKE YOU remember. we are just STRUGGLING and feel like we are LOSING that battle. support us and pump us up. it’s all about the 14 words. we want the same thing you do. we just would prefer to father our white children with white women who have been with less than 10 guys and have not had any unrepented abortions.

when you have secs with guys so easily it shows a lack of respect for human life.

when you have abortions so easily it shows no respect for human life.

when you discard and replace guys so easy, it shows no respect for human life, that you view people as interchangeable objects.

its SOCIOPATHIC. you put a wall between yourself and the humanity of others.

just the propensity to HURT OTHERS with NO REMORSE. that is what bothers me about women. they just DONT CARE. and this undergirds their approach to secs, abortion, relationships. its DISTURBING and MORALLY WRONG.

do the life creation process with strangers.

casually kill your babies.

casually cut off people who have feelings for you.

all with no remorse, guilt, or shame.

THATS what I dont like about women.

Theyre evil sociopaths. little satans hahahaha.

it seems wrong to FORGET about PEOPLE so easily.

I wouldnt be so butthurt if they showed MORE remorse. just show some damn remorse and i’d feel a LOT better. but even THAT’s too much to ask.  and that’s ridiculous. in an ideal world, you would ask them to feel remorse AND not do evil things. Now you BEG them to just feel remorse for the evil things they do……and they cant even do that.

EVIL BITCHES AND WHORES!!!! LITTLE SATANS!!!! ALL AROUND US!!!!!!!

I dont even trust the WHITE ones. And I trust WHITES in general. well….white MEN. White MEN are by far my favorite group on other, and I am very glad to BE one.

YOUR A FOOKING WHITE MALE! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!!!

i guess dont get mad at women for race mixing because they just dont care about race. ok fine.

but I REFUSE to believe that women just dont care about LIFE, or that they are INCAPABLE of caring about LIFE.  So I will NEVER be soft on them for promiscuity or abortion. Which I guess may be mores serious crimes than race mixing. not that race mixing isnt fooking disgusting!

so much women do is SO FOOKING DISGUSTING!!!! MORALLY REPREHENSIBLE! ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!

ABSOLUTELY DEGENERATE

absolutely degenerate

hey im also critical of myself, not just evil women.

but i dont go around spraying sperm into errant cvnts and playing around with LIFE the way THEY do. I dont discard people like used Con-doms.  Failing to live up to your potential seems like a minor sin compared to that!

I just want to be treated like a HUMAN BEING by women, hahahaha. is that so much to ask hahaha.

how come women can’t treat humans like humans?

because theyre evil sociopaths!!!! OBVIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!

I WOULD NEVER TREAT WOMEN THE WAY THEY HAVE TREATED ME!!!!!!!!!

THAT is why I Hate Women!!!!!

I would STILL never treat them the way they have treated me!

Because I TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY I WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED!!!!!!

I have very low self esteem and dont really like myself that much, but I still want to be treated NICELY! So I am NICE to other people! Including women and nonwhites! I am nice to EVERYONE as a RULE!

so yeah basically i discovered that I DONT NEED HER to TELL ME that we had a REAL Friendship.

And this is reassuring. because before I doubted my ability to KNOW anything, to trust my on mind, essentially. That I was losing my grip on reality and I didnt know what was real and what was imaginary. In terms of my Rels with Women I mean, not in a schizo sense where you hallucinate shit.

but still its VERY distrubing to think that your mind can be SO WRONG on something SO IMPORTANT to you, that you can’t tell reality from your imagination. VERY distrubing. of course the WOMEN do play a role in that as well. they shouldnt be cutting you off so harshly. they should be treating you like a human being. I AM NOT AN ANIMAL! I AM A HUMAN BEING!

they should respect that NOT EVERYONE’S OXYTOCIN RECEPTORS ARE AS FOOKED UP AS YOURS (i mean their own).

NOT EVERYONE YOU FOOK IS AS FOOKED UP AS YOU ARE, BITCH hahahaha

some of us still think The Life Creation Process MEANS something.

EXCUSE ME for having RESPECT for LIFE AND THE PROCESS THAT CREATES IT.

EXCUSE ME for treating the people I do the Life Creation Process with LIKE HUMAN BEINGS. JEEEZ.

I like this young female golfer jessica korda, she is just beautiful. my ideal woman probably. young, non potatoey, natural blond, very innocent looking. horry sheet.

much beautiful, very wow hahahaha

she has this very young, girlish, innocent look to her, like she hasnt been with too many guys. i hope she hasn’t.

anyway I would totally marry her hahahaha. not likely to happen tho haha.

technically I saw pictures of “gay porn” today as I did an mturk task, approving pictures for apparently a gay male dating site as clean or dirty. some of the perverted degenerates took Dick Pics or even pictures of their gay assholes. the Instructions even showed a man sucking another mans dick and another man sticking a dildo up his ass. (as an example of what would be considered SEXUAL and should be rejected) I did not stare at those pictures too long. I finished the task and decided to not take any more from that group.

the user submitted pictures did not contain gay sex but did have a few Selfies of their Dicks and Gay ASsholes.

I mean that jessica korda is just RADIANT. She looks like a nice sweet gurl. I could be very very wrong but I do like that look a lot. My female FORMER friend had that look kinda. other times she looked like an ice cold bitch. But she was actually really really really nice. until the end. when she was really ice cold. that sucked.

anyway I do not count these gay pictures towards my porno strike. which stands at 202 days so far. basically I had to intentionally seek out the porno and probably massage the meat while watching it. typically what men do with porno. but yeah i have since then decided to go on strike and never look at it again. it can bring me NOTHING good. I encourage ALL men to CEASE THIS F4GGOTRY AT ONCE.

It can ONLY do you good to NEVER look at it again.

oh fook you johns hopkins organ donation, did it ever occur to you that i finished the survey and THEN accepted then HIT, because sometimes you forget to accept the hit before clicking on the survey, but YOU have the power to prevent that?

I sent them a dispute and hopefully they arent little bitches to me. youre working for johns hopkins, you are already a winner in life and can probably pull a good mate and definitely a good job. and i dont care about the 15 cents, I care about my Worker Reputation. it’s not easy to keep it above 99%.  every rejection knocks you down a LOT, just like in real life life, and if you’re rejected more than 1% of the time, you’re consiered a loser.

this Korda gurl is of CZECH descent. well good for her. I like Czechs. some beautiful slavs there. Would bang hahahaha. would marry/10 hahahaha

WOULD FATHER WHITE CHILDREN WITH/10

we slavs probably are more emotional and hot-blooded than the cool-headed, more rational aryan hyperborean ubermensch, but thats just the way it is.

Maybe That Woman was so cowardly to me because she was not a Slav so she could not relate to me on my level. She was a Scots or Irish or something. I think. Well this is BS, I think all Whites are capable of being decent to each other, whether they are a Slav or a Saxon.

Should I have KNOWN BETTER, getting feelings for a Non-Slav?

I think this is going a bit too far. I luved her just as much as I could luv any Slav woman, any HUHWHYTE woman.

they say its not luv, its infatuation. this is disqualifying the validity of your fee fees.

MUH FEELINGS ARE VALID! If I say I luved you, then its luv!

This is different that if she feels betrayed, then I betrayed her. no, i didnt DO that. you can TEST that. just like you could TEST that I luved her. she didnt luv me, fine, that’s valid, i agree with that. BUT DONT TELL ME HOW I FEEL!!!!!!!!!!

AND DONT TELL ME I DID SOMETHING I DIDNT!!!!!

At this point, thank GOD, I am over the Betrayal Issue, ie I just dont care any more.

she can think whatever her idiot brain thinks, but shes WRONG. just like I was WRONG about……..well I wasnt WRONG for luving her. It’s no surprise i fell in luv with her. And I never thought my chances were GOOD. I was just WRONG to think she would have more courage and spine here.

whys it so important to me that SHE felt the rel was important to HER? well because that is necessary for it to be a Real Rel and not a Pseudorel that was all in my mind, THATS WHY.

If you WANT an explanation, you wont be satisfied with ANY explanation hahahaha.

so you could say the same about me wanting an explanation from her!

well i didnt really want an EXPLANATION, I jsut wanted SOMETHING. Well, I wanted Kindness and Respect and Courage and to be treated like a Human Being. I don’t care about an explanation. The explanation is she’s Just Not That Into Me. I already KNOW the explanation.

I am more concerned with being Tuff Enough to handle Tuff Jobs like Post Office where you get RODE all day.

We really didnt get RODE much at the stupid call center. Sure there was a gentle push to be like yeah theres a little room for improvement here, but I know your job is tuff and you’re doing good, you are generally really good. i guess its nothing like that at the post office. supervisors follow you around in their cars to make sure you are going fast enough. you cant go to the bathroom. you know why they dont even knock on the door when they have a package?

BECAUSE THEY DONT HAVE TIME TO WAIT AN EXTRA 10 SECONDS FOR EVERY PACKAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!

because the new people are held to the same standard as the veterans!

because the standards are already ridiculous! it is VERY DIFFICULT to meet the BARE MINIMUM! its one thing to get bitched at if you are slacking. but when you are busting ass trying to do the bare minimum, and getting bitched at…..you need to hire more people and give them more time to do it. replace broken equipment that causes processors and then clerks to start late.

or if you want the routes done faster, have more people do them.

or train them better.

i mean thats why they hire PSE’s, to avoid paying career people overtime.

yet they often give pse’s a lot of overtime.

so………….why not just hire more pse’s and not pay ANY of them overtime?

I think that would be a win for the company wouldn’t it? also the PSE’s who are not getting any time off would like it.

similar thing in my old company there. there was a lot of overtime . i thought, why didnt they just hire more people?

so heres my theory: because it would cost MORE to hire enough people to find people who are GOOD enough that you would WANT them to work overtime. you just lay off the people who “arent getting it fast enough” but realize they are also expensive for having to pay unemployment.

BUTTTTTTTT….. you hire and lay off a bunch of people ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and the people who don’t stay long probably wont get enough HOURS to be ELIGIBLE for unemployment anyway! you need to make x0000 dollars in the past 5 quarters.

so hire a lot of people LIKE YOU DO ANYWAY, just hire MORE and that way you wont have to pay ANYONE overtime. even if the people you usually give overtime to are your more skilled people.

maybe thats the argument. the skilled people are SO skilled, they add more VALUE being paid OVERTIME than the average person does not being paid overtime.

but when you are working OVERTIME, arent you more likely to be tired and stressed and upset and add LESS value?

and there is a whole CASTE of BUSINESS ANALYSTS who are supposed to use statistics to answer all these legit important questions!

anyway, the answer to things that dont make sense like this is ALWAYS…..because it SAVES money.

so it SAVES MONEY to pay 100 hours of overtime, than to hire 10 new people?

i guess. businesses have been known to be wrong.

because it SAVES MONEY IN THE SHORT TERM. that is the better answer. The shit could be HORRIBLE for the long term, but the SHORT TERM IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE LONG TERM.

makes sense right? YOU CANT HAVE A LONG TERM WITHOUT A SHORT TERM!

So I hate how this leads to constantly changing shit that is OBVIOUSLY bad for the long term, just to cut costs in the short term.

FIRST DF POAST IN AT LEAST A MONTH:::::
Great topic and great thoughts by everybody! I know that pain as well.

Not to offer unsolicited advice (hahahaha) I would tentatively lean towards meeting with the “MILF” (some people may quite understandably construe that term as disrespectful, but I know what you mean!) and just trying to have fun meeting someone new who you are attracted to. At the very worst, it will be an interesting story. Maybe think of it like that. Very low expectations, just trying to have fun talking to somebody.

Of course I don’t advocate using fellow human beings purely as “experience fodder” but…..I think experience CAN increase a man’s confidence, and IMHO confidence is so ridiculously important for men to have. Confidence might be THE most important aspect of a man’s personality when it comes to meeting women ( and THE most important thing in preventing depression and low self-esteem. Basically confidence is one of the most important things a man can have, period.) I can say this because I have been very unsuccessful with women and I have very low confidence, hahaha. Only somewhat kidding. But, when I have had some very limited success with women….I was at a relative high of confidence. And certainly this generates the opposite of a vicious circle: a self-perpetuating awesome circle of confidence, if you will, where confidence makes you more successful with women, which in turn makes you even more confident, etc.

Problem is, many of these “confident” guys are also narcissistic DBags as we all have seen, and I agree that these NARCISSISTS are some pretty f’ed up, toxic people, which people with a healthy self-image would not want to be associated with.

But there are also good confident people too. Good confident vs bad confident. Maybe you have a male friend who is a total happy go lucky “normie.” He seems to have everything: decent job, decent relationship, but is also himself a decent guy. Just a really good, decent, well-rounded, admirable guy, who is not a dbag. Well, maybe you don’t know anybody like this! But I am basically trying to describe a man who has a healthy, respectful kind of confidence. A real decent good guy, vs a narcissistic “Bad Boy” Thug. The latter I see as being a Mere Caricature of the Authentic Masculinity presented by the former. I hope I don’t have to explain why one should strive for the authentic over the inauthentic!

I am trying to think of a celebrity or a character I could use as an example of Good Confidence. I can’t really, hahaha. Maybe Hank Hill from King of the Hill. Just a solid, respectable man, who is confident in himself, but also very respectful and kind to others.

So I would still tentatively encourage you to meet up with the older woman, and let us know how it goes. It could be fun, and help your confidence. Or it could be a total clusterf**k, but at least it will be a very interesting story, hahaha.

I don’t really think we need to be worried about you “using the woman for experience” when you have no intention of having a serious relationship with her……because I think there are probably many women on Tinder who go into it with those very same expectations! (Well, they might call it “having fun” or “casual dating” or “meeting new people to hang out with.” Point is, it’s very unlikely this woman will want to marry you on the first date, hahaha, and vice-versa.) The important thing is that you have clear communication of both yours and her expectations and wants, and to not lead anybody on. Just have open, honest, grown-up communication. (I realize this is easier said than done. But I think most of us on DF are emotionally articulate people who are more than capable of communicating their thoughts and feelings to others!)

So I say go for it, just don’t lie to anyone. (I mean in the sense of “leading on” someone who wants a serious relationship, when you don’t. If you’re like me, you’ve only ever been on the receiving end of that and not the giving end! But I worry about accidentally doing to others what has been done to me. Anyway, I don’t think it’s THAT hard not to lead somebody on! Just have open, honest communication.) (Of course you are entitled to not talk about anything you don’t feel comfortable talking about, for example she asks you about other relationships you have had. Then I might “get creative” and bend the truth a little bit, while steering the conversation towards a new topic, with a confident smile, hahaha)

Confidence is SO important to a man’s well-being, and this is an opportunity for you to build confidence without hurting anyone. (Not that I would ever recommend hurting anyone anyway! I am referring to “bad” confidence and narcissism, in which people essentially gain a sense of power by controlling others.)

Good luck and feel free to update!

END POAST

30 year old man in a horrid retail job, and nevergf, kissless virgin, tired of seeing qt gurls all day, with dbags, and he can’t get anyone to swipe right on him on tinder, and he is lonely and frustrated. He is debating whether to go out with a “44 year old MILF” from tinder. I tentatively encourage him to do it.

oh yeah. i havent listened to any milliennial woes for months. i kinda felt guilty so I donated 5 dollas to him the other day IM SO GENEROUS AND KIND.

but I also watched a few recent vidyas and my god they were good and I would give them a DUMPTRUCK of Likes:

 

 

some good stuff about men, women, mgtows, rapeugees, and why women should probably not have the vote because they will gladly WELCOME IN THEIR OWN CONQUERORS, and on some level possibly want to be conquered (my words not MW’s!!!!!!) and they just dont have the long term vision or racial awareness or big picture thinking to see how welcoming hordes of barbaric male rapeugees could POSSIBLY be a bad thing. because we’re helping the needy, and omg those syrian men are so much secsier than the wimpy girly men at home! (again my words not MW’s, but this is kinda what he is saying, in a much more classy way.)

also, MW has a tom petty and the heartbreakers shirt which he wears sometimes in some vidyas, and this might be it. only kewl people like me and MW like TP and the HBs. Always a good sign.

ANYWAY, the guy certainly has not declined in quality and I would like to donate ANOTHER 5 dollars to him this year hahahahaha. there is a damn good REASON he is at the top of muh list. I have just become a bit more 1488 than him hahaha. he needs to stop being so NICE and CIVIL. shit I need to stop being so NICE and CIVIL.

TREAT THESE PIGS LIKE THE PIGS THEY ARE!!!!!!!

THE PROGRAM IS WORKING AS INTENDED / NOT MY PROBLEM / I AM LITERALLY SHAKING RIGHT NOW / NEET PODCAST

mar 8

i got the thought that she might have avoided dealing with be EXACTLY BECAUSE she knew I would be hurt A LOT (which was correct!!!) and the amount of muh hurt was exactly the reason why she avoided me. if i wouldnt be that hurt, it would have been easier for her to confront me. but she knew i would be DEVASTATED, and she couldnt deal with that AT ALL.

maybe. of course ill NEVER know what she was thinking.

eh. i am less OBSESSED about it now, which is good.

now i am more worried about learning a complicated, overwhelming job fast, when people are not super willing to help people.

I was always very willing to help people because i know how much help you NEED in the beginning, and how everyone seems too BUSY to help you, or they sneer at you for asking dumb questions, well, when you dont know ANYTHING, these questions arent dumb. whats causing the program data to become corrupt. no one knows this. how can they prevent the printer from getting the 14.88 error every day.  are there any locations that have separate machines for credit cards and for checks, and how can we tell? what do these machines look like? how do we reinstall the drivers if the caller cant tell what type of machine it is? how do i find out whose job this is? whose job is this? who can fix this? Level 3 kicked this case back to Level 2 saying “we dont fix this”, NOT MY PROBLEM MAN, but then added nothing more, and the case is sitting back at level 2, and the caller is getting impatient because their client is getting impatient, what do i tell them. oh great i tell them the case is where it needs to be and we will call you back within 72 hours i promise you. well last time you did that i didnt talk to anybody, they just sent me a shitty email that didnt make sense and said they were closing the case because they called me once and i was busy. now i cant call them back because i can only call into level 1 and

hehehe anyway i would gladly help the new people because i was angry at the company for not training new people enough, so I was gonna take that cross up myself, goddamn it!!!!!!! i’ll train these poor newbies if the company just wants to throw them to the wolves, and if they dont figure it out fast enough, youre fired! this is peoples LIVES were talking about! they just WANT TO WORK! they WANT to do a GOOD job!!!! but they are put in these situations CONSTANTLY where they dont know what theyre doing!!!!!

just tell me what to do and i’l do it!!!!! nope thats the wrong attitude, you have to FIGURE OUT what to do, thats your JOB!!!! well….how do i FIGURE OUT what to do then, nothing makes fooking sense and Im freaking out! well dont freak out, if you freak out, you’ll fail. oh thanks asshole.

JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!! Nope, figure it out yourself, thats your job. I hate this kind of shit.

you end up bullshitting people because you CANT really figure it out, you CANT get good help from others, in other words, the “good question. let me find out for you” line doesnt really work, and the sources you get are incomplete or wrong, so you cant really figure it out for yourself, but take a guess. yes or no.

“the program is working as intended.”

“the file is corrupt, you have to start it over again.”

“you have to make the client come back in again because the program didnt capture their signature. or maybe because the signature pad failed. or both failed. dunno.”

oh god signature pads fook me.

maybe program crashed just as the person touched the signature pad.

so its ok to just write “signature on file” and not call the person back in? isnt that fraud and you could go to prison for 10 years for a felony? I dunno im not a lawyer. or is that if you FORGE the persons signature. i dunno im not a lawyer. ask your manager. oh you ARE the manager, of courshe. well call YOUR manager. oh you already did and he said to call us. well call him BACK and tell your boss, no, you talked to us and said HE had to handle it. I would guess that writing “signature on file” is much less a degree of fraud than forging the signature, so uh yeah just fookin do it. My name is Tyrone B and the case number is 14888841.  oh you want to talk to a supervisor. well let me put you on hold for 5 minutes so i can argue for permission for a supervisor to call you back within 72 hours. all the supervisors are busy. the only people who are not on the phone right now are managers who dont actually know anything about this and cant explain it any better than i can, they will just tell you the same thing, plus they have the authority to say they dont WANT to talk to you. they dont HAVE to talk to you.

GRANTED, i never had a call that was REALLY that bad. rather, i just said, OH, just write signature on file, ITLL BE FINE, thats totally legit. knowing that it would PROBABLY be legit, they PROBABLY wouldnt get in trouble, and if they did, their manager would school them and not care about getting ME in trouble; and if i did get in trouble, i would just get a Coaching Meeting, i’d say I’ll never do it again, I’ll say I chatted with a level 2 and they said it was ok, sorry i forgot to put that in the notes, didnt think we needed approval for that. ok lesson learned, wont ever do it again, thank you for the coaching.

flashcards and studying the shit at home on Time Off and becoming friendly with Smart People were what helped me the most.

studying the shit at home SUCKS. but it HELPED. but it also made me more crazy.

therefore, i would limit it to no more than one hour on workdays. also, you can do it while Blazed.

but getting blazed is DEGENERATE.

yes it IS, but it honestly helped relieve some stress from the job and the woman and life. i dont really feel that bad about Blazing It during that time. I was a hard working and very stressed out Guy. I had Earned It.

but it was possible that blazing it was just making me MORE nervous and stressed and worried over the long term. MJ can do that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALSO, an all around better way to relieve stress is at the GYM. with exercise and lifting.

so yeah i should have just gotten out of job, went straight to gym, well maybe eat dinner before, and then GOMAD INSANITY in the gym for 2 full hours until dripping with sweat and every muscle in body feels like jelly. while ideally listening to a self-made “podcast” of me reading Job Facts and Knowledge to try to Train Myself and Teach Myself how to do my job and learn all the stuff.

then go home and study the job on computer, maybe while making another Talking File to listen to at gym in the future.

yeah i just hate being put into complex confusing situations where i dont know what im doing, and i dont know what to say to the caller, yet i gotta figure it out quickly, with minimal help.

march 9

hey i dont WANT to hate women. i dont LIKE hating women. i think men and women are supposed to get along and luv each other and not constantly fight and hate each other. its how we reproduce our species hehehe. i hate seeing women screw men over. yeah men screw women over too but i think women do it more. maybe women only do it because they have been screwed by men. certainly That Woman has been screwed over by men in her life, so she prob kinda hates men. fine. ok. i dont much like women either. but i dont LIKE hating women. i wish i DIDNT! but i dislike them for imho very good reasons. i dont like the way the act, the things they say and do, their immaturity, their mercenary nature, they cant be trusted, everything is super conditional.  oh well not all women are like that. some are nice single mothers who will treat you right hahaha.

heh i really gotta make more female friends. its good for the confidence, really good, if you can be actual friends with women. even better if they are even moderately attractive. it doesnt matter if youre attracted to them or in luv with them. i mean you shouldnt be “FWB” because thats degenerate. but basically it proves to yourself that you are Cool Enough to get at least SOME positive attention from women. like they want to hang out with you, spend time with you, respond to you, be nice to you. all these things are HUGE. it says, well this woman doesnt hate me, so theres hope that i could find a woman one day who actually wants to Be With me, could maybe actually have a wife and family some day. theres hope for me yet hahahaha. its not hopeless.

so to go from one female friend back down to none is pretty rough.

im talking about someone you see on a regular basis, who hangs out with you and doesnt ignore you, who you text and she responds.

anyway. neets explaining gaps. you cant say i lost my mind and quit my job becuase i couldnt handle it. also i hated it.  this is why its so important to know people!

cuz unless you are perfect, and a decent number of people are, they will look for any reason NOT to hire you.

because they can get a perfect person instead: higher gpa, more internships, less fookups, no dui’s, no gaps, tons of volunteer experience, better references, younger, better attitude, no emotional problems, no autism, no awkwardness, no despair, no neets, no manlets, no fatties, just hire a boy scout right out of college, no shortage of those!

hehehe reading local paper about pres primary elections and they talked to a guy who works at muh former job and sees THAT PERSON erryday. he was always kinda obnoxious and i didnt REALLY like him, thought he was SO smart, of course he was a level 2 therefore he was way smarter and alphaer than me, and of COURSHE he voted for BERNIE. then probably That Woman let him fook her in a supply closet on the job and he will brainwash her to become a socialist. she was kinda gullible. if she had chosen me i would have schooled her the right way and could have made a decent woman out of her. but nooooooooooo.

gives him dat fine white ass but cant even talk to me. some friend hahaha. dirty dumb white trash mudshark whore hahahaha.

i hate how All Women (in a woman hating mood today) can treat sex so casually, so recklessly, but I treat it as some important, valuable, special, sacred, holy thing. but its just something they give to just about anybody. except me hahahaha. and they have all the negative consequences like getting preggers! They dont know and dont care, because thats how da j00z have brainwashed them. thru the media, the skools, the destruction of the family, popular culture. fookin garbage. but women are herd animals who suck up popular culture like it was black dicks.

mar 10

i saw a young woman in a restaurant i was very attracted to, but she seemed like a pothead whore with 1000 cok stare, and was there with boifran, who was a BIG GUY 4 U indeed. like football player big. and she was kinda small. HUGE guy. not really fat but prob likes to smoke MJ and Eat Junk more than he likes to work out hahahaha.

point is he could tear me in half.

hmm this yogurt has a LOT of sugar in it. not nec calories but sugar. some protein but not enough, a bit too many carbs. fook yogurt. again straight up BEEF is the best food ever. also chicken. can alternate them so you dont get bored.

ok new goal is try to burn 1000 calories whenever going to gym. is a decent goal. takes some time.

yeah i just hate that women have become huge mudshark whores who forget they can get pregnant because theyve bought so much into recreational sex, and birth control, and abortion.

but you could argue….the people who should be having the least kids are having the most kids, and vice versa, and this is WITH BC and abortion. the people that SHOULD be using contraception the most are NOT, and vice versa.

i mean it takes a really dumb muh dick mindset to forget to take your whorepill that day, or tell the diseased thug banging you to put on a Condo before he sprays your babymaker with thug sperm.

youve got to be STUPID or Stoned not to make him use a Condo!

NEET PODCAST. I love listening to the TRS podcasts and I should really do my own TRS for white neets. or, better yet, do a podcast FOR TRS on the subject of white neets.

anyway point is podcasts are great cuz you can listen to them whenever, wherever, and its good to hear two or more people having a normal, but interesting conversation.

rather than a marxist lecturing you, or a bunch of chads or women talking about stupid degeneracy. having casual secs and feelin the BERN.

wow just wow i cant even, i am literally SHAKING right now hahahahahahaha

yeah there are other neets on TRS but TRS is the kind of place that mocks and shames and shuns neets because they are weak losers and dead weight on the white race. i can understand where theyre coming from, but as a neet who wants to become a winner, i want to help other neets who want to become winners too, and not shun and shame them, especially if theyre white!

many neets are into GAMES and ANIME, and i just have no interest in this at ALL.

theres two neet podcasts ive found, but they are all under 20, pretty much LOVE being neets, LOVE watching anime and vidya all day, and are not worried about jobs or wimmin, cuz they had 2d faggotry! they embrace the lable neet and some arent even real neets cuz they are College Students.

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

these are not true neets! i am looking for older neets whose lives are falling apart and are filled with frustration and worry and despair! pref ones that are white, pro-white, and NOT into anime and games!

ht     tp://pastebin.com/raw/tA1PD7Ad

uhh i think this one is on the Sexual Morality of Premarital Secs

march 11

yeah i just feel incapable of doing jobs because i get so FLUSTERED. i dont know how to do this. i dont know what to say to the customer/client/caller. well just figure it out. figure it out. tell them sorry nothing we can do. not my problem man.

http://archive.is/cFIN0

triggering comic by feminist on white privilege hahahaha

http://archive.is/mYBuj

triggering article about why polyamory is awesome on same site, everyday feminism, new worst site EVER

http://archive.is/CDXRa

gay comic on why neckbeard is insulting

http://archive.is/6Vb8k

rape culture expressions like this sucks, or fook you, or win her over. oh god. super rustling leftist bullshit site.

everyday feminism can SUCK MUH DICK and GET FOOKED like a BITCH.

http://archive.is/WFL2e

dumb cartoon glorifying abortion, linking to another page on how to use gender inclusive, noncissexist language when talking about trans people who are pro-abortion oy vey,

http://archive.is/VLAPa

time to ditch the friendzone word cuz its cissexist

http://archive.is/JhcAl

32 types of anti feminist comic by fat j00 male feminist barry ((((deutsch)))) very overworthy

http://archive.is/dP0oP

10000 word article on how social justice language can be used to hide abuse in relships

http://archive.is/yq06g

insanely horrible degen comic about how a queer WOC should go about mentally preparing for her first date with a trans “woman” omg

http://archive.is/zJG6G

common but wrong defensive responses by dumb whites to white privilege

horry sheet. this is the most horrible website i have seen in a long time. it just gets worse and worse. if any of your friends say this is a good website, shame and shun them. they are the enemy.

hehehe its my white privilege that i think “whats good” is just a black slang for saying “whats up” aka “hello” or “how are you”, when really it is hostile expression meaning “iz gon gat yo azz ni99a cuz u racis”. so you being so uneducated that you think “whats good” is friendly and not hostile is in itself racis.

good god.

http://archive.is/QEEyn

unrequited luv for a friend. this article was actually not bad.

http://archive.is/V8Vc6

it links to this captain awkward blog. not sure if thats as bad as dr nerdlove.

QUOTES

I have had people try to convince me that I was wrong to break up with them or to decline to deepen or continue a relationship. The trajectory of those interactions ranged from sad to annoying to terrifying. I have tried to convince people not to break up with me, to give me one more chance. I can only pray that they (plural ‘they’, unfortunately, not the groovy gender-neutral singular construction) have long since deleted the Emails of Desperation and Neediness I sent. You’ve all seen how wordy I can be here, now imagine that “talent” and energy applied to convincing you that you really, really should stay with me even though you don’t want to, complete with numbered lists of reasons and airtight logic cases for why it really, really should work out.
 Hounding those people – people who genuinely liked and cared for me but who just didn’t want what I wanted – is one of my true regrets in life. I would give a lot to be able to take it all back, to disengage more gracefully from those past relationships, to save my dignity, their patience, and to be true to a principle of consent in all things. Fortunately, I did eventually learn that you cannot logic someone into loving you back. My life got so much better when I learned that lesson and I hope yours does, too.
another

He is also doing that common thing that stalkers and abusers do by repeatedly mentioning how he “let it go” and “eased up.” This stands out because it should go without mention that you listen when somebody tells you that they are not interested. As a result, this letter waves ALL the red flags.

another

I once knew a guy who was absolutely certain that if he could just get his ex alone in a room for half an hour and show her his PowerPoint presentation explaining why she should not have left him, she would see the light and get back together with him. Don’t be that guy, LW. Don’t be anything at all like that guy. Be as unlike that guy as you can manage to be. If you catch yourself thinking “maybe if I just text her exactly the right way” or “maybe if I time my commute so that I just happen to run into her at the train station” or anything else that amounts to “maybe if I ignore her stated desire for me to leave her alone”, repeat to yourself: PowerPoint Guy would do that thing. I don’t want to be him. I will not do that thing.

END

yeah well i did “let it go” and “eased up”, also she was giving mixed as fook signals, saying yes we will hang out, never directly telling me no. of course her finishing move clearly said no and then i wrote 3 desperate emails begging for her to Think About It; and then just begging her to Please Respond.

yeah it was pathetic and desperate and power pointy but

http://archive.is/IPwcf

sort of similar case.

anyway that everyday feminism site is radical as fook, and downright evil.

http://archive.is/JxGFu

how to deal with the horrible idea of jealous regarding polyamory, and be happy about being cucked. well this is written by a poly woman, probably a doike hahahaha

http://archive.is/pf87e

on effective communication. this one was actually good. say “i feel x when you y.” i thought you had to avoid saying “you” altogether, but if THIS degen ovenworthy site says you can say “you” or xou or zyo or your preferred pronoun, well then hell i can say you. as long as you start off owning your feelings with the i statement. i feel sad and worthless when you avoid me.

http://archive.is/C66xs

the goddamn sjw freaks who write this trash. i am surprised any of them use cisgender pronouns at all! if you let yourself be referred to as she or he you are internalizing your own cisoppression!!!!!

http://archive.is/1pEpX

former man writes about how women are not emotional infants that need a man to tell them what they want. that women are grown adults who can make good decisions. oh how i wish that degenerate were right!

so really im not OWED anything. she doesnt OWE me an Explanation.

well i would respond to that, because of the fact that we were friends for so long, she OWES me at least a TEXT saying “Sorry But No” because of common courtesy.

yeah i was desperate and pathetic but stop shitting on the power point guy, theyre desperate because their heart is broken!!!!!!!!

but you are a rapist because youre not Acknowledging Consent, and trying to Coerce them, and get around Consent. You dont take no for an answer, you dont respect wmens CONSENT, therefore you are an abuser and dont respect this woman.

well it took me a few weeks to realize what she was saying, and in my final email i said, ok, obviously you dont want to be with me, but PLEASE respond to me and say sorry, thats all i want, i dont want to MAKE you do anything.

then i went NC and have been that way ever since. so i dont think i was being creepy power point guy in total denial. plus SOME denial is natural part of grief, bitches.

march 12

ht     tp://pastebin.com/raw/jTQUXuQq

TRS forum, should porn and strip clubs be BANNED. obviously we all agree they are bad and degenerate. should the state ban them is a question that sets a huge debate between white fascists and white lolbertarians, including an eastern european who lived under communism and is suspicious of powerful states.

http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10351659/opinions-of-a-man-who-ends-it-with-a-woman-after-2-years-by-ghosting

hehehe woman had an online relationship with a man and he Ghosted aka Abandoned her without notice is a less GAY GHOST way of putting it.

mar 13

had stupid dream with the woman. she was talking to another woman and i was trying to butt into the conversation like a pushy beta. i was right there, they were just having their own separate conversation. she was talking about her friend was doing drugs and she was sad and would have to stop seeing them if they didnt stop. yes very sad but the right thing to do. dont hang out with druggies and dont do drugs yourself. then she was talking about a person  who was rumored to have done something horrible, like K somebody, but he got away with it, and not sure how true the rumors were. i butted in and said wait ayo hol up, are you talking about your druggie friend or someone else who supposedly K’d somebody?

she rolled her eyes and said ugh and was clearly annoyed with me and wanted me to Leave, and said it was a male friend she had a very, very, very small crush on.

see women can get crushes on guys and be interested in guys and get feelings for guys too. in this case they are MORE than willing to hang out with the guy, talk to him, respond to him, and get upset when he ignores her.

at that point i got really passive aggressive butthurt and said oh you have a small crush on a guy. you think you could ever have a small crush on ME? you wanna talk to me about what’s been happening with us? you know I have a small crush on you? what do you think about that?

and then the dream suddenly ended, or I suddenly woke up.

during the whole dream she was very annoyed at me, I was acting kinda annoying and pushy and Asshurt. we were both at our worst. not cool.

also she looked different, like a different person, not the person I knew. I guess this is kinda good because it means i am moving on from her and cant remember what she looks like. well of COURSE i remember what she LOOKS like. but its best for that to be a faded memory. but this is prob a symbol that the person she became was NOT the person I knew. Not the person I was friends with. definitely not the person i fell in luv with. Yes it is sad. She changed to a different person. I changed too. I changed in a big way but not to a different PERSON. I was still the same person who wanted the best for her and never to hurt her. and she changed from someone who cared about me, to someone who didnt care enough to Do Something for me.

did i mention i am switching to the elliptical now. it feels like it is a better Workout than the treadmill. although your motion is a little different. especially when you try to go fast. feels weird and not like walking or jogging. but they say its better on your joints. plus i feel i am building muscle because i usually have on a high level of tension and can feel some bern.