THE NARCISSIST WHO WAS AFRAID TO TALK ABOUT HIMSELF WITH REAL PEOPLE

jan 18

https://radio.therightstuff.biz/2017/01/18/rebel-shoah-fashy-struggle-session/

mike enoch gets interrogated wooooot

soundcloud comments dont seem to optimistic, suggest there are no really tough questions, that stuff is brushed off, and the first 5 minutes are not diving into tough questions like i would have liked. i do not have a great feeling tbh.

takes 36 minutes to start maybe getting good??? maybe 43.

heh i expected him to be more shaken up. honestly this is getting boring hehehehe.  uhhhh i was kinda hoping he would act like something happened. to take like 10 straight minutes talking about why its really not ok to marry j00s, or something. i dunno.

how about distraught from losing your family and your 100k job. I would be going CRAZY. Couldn’t even do a conversation with people. i dunno i guess i wanted him to be a little more emotional about it all, even if emotions are womanly.  strong men also have SOME emotions lebowski hahaha.

he doesnt sound like a man whos life has just been ruined.

i dunno. little disappointed. did not meet my expectations. didnt expect to listen to a 2 hour podcast for him to say “i am conflicted about this.” i mean he SHOULD be conflicted about this!

whoa many JCC’s around the nation target for some threats. now here’s some hot news!!!!!

i wanted him to put something personal out there. share something. i guess he doesnt HAVE to, we dont OWN him, i was just hoping for a lot more reassurance than I got. I am glad mike is not K’ing himself and not so worried that he can’t go on…..but what do you really have to SAY about your J wife? he said yeah she’s a J, hasn’t said 25%, 50%, or 100%. this stuff matters! does she have a really J lifestyle and ideology? has TRS’s anti-J’ish caused real problems with their marriage? it probably SHOULD!

i realize he’s not a LEADER, he certainly doesn’t see himself as a leader, and yeah that really comes across here. he may not be a LEADER, but his opinion carries some weight, and i wish he had a stronger opinion about this!  yeah this is “drama” but its also LEGIT drama!

if anything, Sven has stronger leadership qualities than Mike, and Sven is not really pushing Mike to talk about the tough stuff.

im not saying accuse mike as a betrayer, but also he should WANT to address people LEGITIMATE CONCERNS!!!!!!

ok he clarifies that he was notified today he was not welcome at his workplace anymore.

listened to 1:51 and nothing really jumped out at me. i wanted it to jump out. this is kinda a big deal.

so maybe the higher ups have lost a little credibility with me. maybe i will end up spending more time at DS than TRS hehehe. i mean TRS still has great podcasts though. the fatherland.

but man they ban people like crazy on that forum. i kinda like how DS forum is a lot more laid back re the banning. trolls talk mad shit and no one gets banned. i figure let the trolls talk shit, the rest of us will just ignore them. (AN IGNORE BUTTON WOULD BE NICE, THO hahahaha)

i dunno. just not what i really WANTED from mike i guess. but mike is not the leader of trs. and trs has plenty of people who would be more conflicted about their race mixing hahahaha. i just dont want to see a pattern of softening amongst the trs higher ups like sven, i dont want to be disappointed in him too.

WELL, THERES ALWAYS daily stormer at least hahahaha.

i guess i have become a bit less enthusiastic about donating shekels to TRS, where my enthusiasm for donating shekels to stormer has not waned one bit. that probably means something.

heh. i just wanted answers and resolution NOW and i guess im just gonna have to WAIT and see if mike gives anything better. i wish i had a better feeling about it.

i mean mike was never my number 1 favorite podcastfu anyway hahahaha. but he was part of my top tier! i didnt have all my eggs in that one basket tho, which i guess is good.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/meet-10-women-who-rushed-to-get-an-iud-before-inauguration-day_us_587fa3dae4b0c147f0bc56f8

dear lord

i dont want to have children so i can benefit humanity by being a phd research scientist . well just close your legs ya science slut.

you need the hormones for your acne or whatever. how about stop slathering chemicals on your skin and use a very diluted mix of very light salicylic acid hehehehe. maybe lemon juice. maybe just plain water. maybe dove sensitive skin soap.

how about you just stop fooking guys and if you dont want to get preggers, dont have secs with guys when you are on the period!!!!!!

how about be a lot more careful about the secs you do have?

dont have secs for like 7 days around your period. have the guy pull out or wear a condo. have him put it in your degenerate ass hahahahaha.

jan 19

oh dear. i remember when this happened but never really read any follow up on what derek black is doing now. i guess he hasnt come back to VVN and writes shitty articles for the JY Slimes about how trump is a racist and he’s so glad he’s matured past that.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/the-white-flight-of-derek-black/2016/10/15/ed5f906a-8f3b-11e6-a6a3-d50061aa9fae_story.html?utm_term=.fc3b626816d0

theres the wapo one with a lot of tldr hahahaha. anyway he honestly seemed like a pretty smart kid from a young age, BEFORE he got to college. knew all the red pill stuff many of us only learn AFTER college. and then he was blue pilled by some jooish guy who invited him to a diversity dinner? that made his whole system come crumbling down? he still seems like a smart intelligent guy!!!! this is really weird shit.

i can understand distancing yourself from his father who might be a little corrupt. but distancing himself from the whole movement is insane. why didnt he just join up with some of the young alt right people? newer groups like daily stormer or TRS?

he used to mock the ideas of white privilege! how did going to a leftist college where they took “white privilege” seriously just totally change his mind where he did a total 180??????????

its implied that the antiwhites had better SCIENCE for why race is a social construct, and how IQ diffs can be explained by education and opportunity and all that. that convinced derek black. a seemingly smart young man. the SCIENCE and STATISTICS were more convincing to say that there was no white genocide hahahaha.

what i’m saying is, he’s smart enough to weigh the evidence of both sides. and smarter people than him have done so and concluded that Race Is Real. I just want to know what was REALLY the deciding factor.

Him trying to make friends? but he was pretty open about it before going to the college.

maybe he got a super antiwhite Jooish gurlfran while he was at the college, who made it her project to convert him. this seems more likely than the above. i mean he didnt sound like a friendless autistic virgin dying for acceptance like i was hahahahahaha.

or maybe it was “just” being his fathers son. his fathers whole life is VVN 1.0. i am thinking don black was a halfway decent father and wasnt really cramming it down dereks throat though. and it sounded like derek willingly got on board.

i would bet theres subconscious father rebellion going on here. and thats why he couldn’t “just” go to VVN 2.0, he had to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

it’s sad because he seemed like a smart guy and could have been valuable to the movement. despite looking like a huge jackass with his hair and style. i mean he looked like a fedora libertarian virgin hahaha.

what really happened here? you dont just get hit with antiwhite statistics from J’s in J00niversity and say wow i never considered that before, and then do a 180.

i mean i was an antiwhite shitlib in jooniversity, but i never put much EFFORT into it. i was just like rabble rabble white privilege hurr durr institutionalized racism hurr durr imperialistic white males punching down, because that was what everyone around me was parroting, and i wanted to make friends, and especially to make gurlfrans hahahaha. I didn’t put extracurricular effort in going to meetings, or doing activism, or writing articles, or reading howard zinn. Many of my peers certainly did. i would rather sm0ke MJ and be like fight the man, maaaaan. like a lebowski deadbeat. and when i did meet trve believer marxist activists, they kinda weirded me out. like these people are WAYYYYY too tryhard. I’m not LIKE THEM, AM I? and maybe THAT started me on really questioning my not-so-strongly-held “beliefs” that white men were oppressing everyone.

derek black did the exact opposite of what I did. it’s a great STORY. but a sad one. fooked up.

so yeah he would be the bigger traitor than mike enoch hahahahaha. but I really don’t like how enoch basically did not talk about the tough questions. left me with no confidence hahahaha. ok mike, you’re not a leader, we get it. maybe i will really stop viewing you as one after all this.  have a very fishy weird feeling about how he has handled all this so far. it just seems like too little. like that’s it?!?!?! that’s the best you can give us?!?!?! you can and should do better than that.

so yeah i wouldnt quite call him a dirty traitor like black hahaha. because i think mike is gonna continue to say Savage Stuff about Da J00z. but he has not removed the Seed Of Doubt in many people’s mind. And I’m MORE than willing to give him the BENEFIT of the doubt!

but he’s not addressing the ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM!!!!!!!

The rank and file of TRS forum are great people. i guess i identify with them more than the TRS higher-ups. this could very well be the start of distrust with the higher ups. stormer forum is less banhappy and i like that.

no im not aguing for more freedom or democracy or less fascism hahaha.

maybe im saying i am losing a little faith in the TRS higherups.

but who are the MODS of stormer forum? anglin and weev sure, and I am FINE with them! if thats the whole of “stormer leadership” i would be 100% happy with that. ….but are there others with the power to BAN?

dunno, just wanted the “higherups” (if not “leaders”) to take this a LITTLE more seriously and not treat people asking reasonable questions as spergs or shit stirrers. shit i thought i was a moderate pvssy compared to many others…..who have prob already been banned from TRS hehe.

and derek black. im just trying to distract myself from the enoch drama. theres just better ways for him to rebel against his father. maybe become a successful engineer who doesnt even write about race hehehe. or be somewhat moderate and normie rather than turn into a damn far leftist.

if youre gonna be FAR anything, be a far rightist hahahaha.

YES don black has some shady stuff going on with the “unrealized projects” and I hate to agree with the splc on this. but that is fishy and derek is right to be critical of it. but dont turn your back on your race man. not cool.  i mean you dont have to go -1433. just go to 0.

maybe he’s rebelling against don and he doesnt even realize it. don seems like a better father than william pierce but im sure its still intense growing up in VVN 1.0. if stormfront were smart they would engage more with stormer and TRS. like david duke has! funfact: don black married david duke’s ex-wife and created the new human life of derek black with her, hehehehehe.

i guess derek is on this thing now where he was like hwyte europeans were SAVAGES and they didnt invent shit, the MUSLIMS were doing all this shit like ALGEBRA while white barbarians were in caves. good lord.

i mean its a FAIR QUESTION as to WHY the muslims went from being SOMEWHAT scholastic and academic and scientific and intellectual in their golden age of algebra and math and architecture and all that……SO WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED in the meantime??!?!?!?!

theres a disqus thread on the first official shoah and everyone that isnt kissing mikes ass is being denounced as a renegade-tier moron. wow.

you dont need to divulge too many personal details…..but ADDRESS THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM. don’t pretend like thats NOTHING. and then call the people with understandable doubts and skepticism abotu that PURITY SPIRALERS. Come on. I am as SOFT and MODERATE and wishy washy as they come. but I just wanted a little better from him.

shit yeah I’m welcome to leave. there’s the door. yeah well right now i will take one step towards the door because theres still plenty of good stuff at TRS. and I am SURE mike will say plenty of good stuff in the future. but he didn’t do much to DISPEL THE SEED OF DOUBT.

believe me, im no PURITY SPIRALLER. I’ve dont degenerate shit. I am a huge neet loser virgin untermensch hahaha. mike makes 14 times the money i ever will. i just think i would shown more integrity in this situation, hahahahahahaha.

well wheres MY podcast? wheres my forum? wheres my influential Media Platform? thats what i thought hahahaha.

well i’ve had 3 other longass blogs that went nowhere hahaha but I HAVE been associated with pro-hwytes since 2012. I bought a grindy greggy book in 2012 and I got culture of critique in 2013 hehehe. i recognize this guy on stormer forums from comments on heartiste in like 2007 hahaha. he’s found his way over there and I can’t blame him! welcome!

yeah i mean i KNOW in j00 york and j00 jersey EVERYONE is at least 25% jooish hahahahahaha. and its really not the end of the world to be married to a part J. it’s how you talk about it with the damn hwyte nationalist group you started hahahahahahaha. i guess there is not gossip like “is TRS really actually “VVN” or are they gonna disavow or equivocate on that term?

I’m very comfortable with the label, just as I’m very comfortable with “alt-right”, and i admit this can cause confusion, because not everybody conflates alt right with VVN. MY BAD!!!!

But I kinda thought TRS of all people would openly self-identify as VVN.

well, i am more confident that they are pro-hwyte, and thats really good enough. i mean, i would happily take an 88% hwyte nation hahahaha. just no less. dont want to get into a purity spiral here hahaha.

hey at least im not fooking googles like some hwyte trash woman hahahahahaha.

i just hope the fatherland guys maintain their integrity. they MIGHT say more on the next episode. i mean i dont really EXPECT them to, its much less their place than it is mikes place. but i wonder: would they get kicked off TRS if they were too critical of mike? also, they are close with sven. and one of their hosts has essentially become a higherup himself, doing a lot of forum technical work. I’ve really liked this guy BOF and I hope he doesnt start “cucking” or “shilling” hahahahahahaha.

welp better pack muh bags for renetard express, toot toot. go eat a mile of sinead’s shit hahahahaha. heh. i will start my own 1433 media empire before i do that hahahaha. i will meet goys in real life before i do that hahaha.

derek black. this guy is saying all white trvmp voters are extreme VVN’s like stormfront. WRONG. they are just normie hwytes who have had enough. they dont HATE anybody. they arent EXTREMISTS. sheeeeit even many VVN’s dont HATE anybody. I dont HATE anybody. I just want an 88% hwyte country and i want the J’s to stop attacking and slandering and libeling and lying about hwytes, and i want whytes to stop apologizing for it and to be less damn SUICIDAL as a race.

jan 20

hahahaha stupid linkedin GURLS WHO CODE news item in muh feed and leave it to some arab to say LOOKIN BEAUTIFUL LADEEZ hahahaha which i’m not opposed to saying in principle, but you should be smart enough to know not to say on lindkin, but there are so many arab, streetshitter, and chinese trolls and sock and spam and fake accounts on linkedin making stupid comments everywhere. in the past ive seen SJWs take them to task on this is EXACTLY the kind of comment we DONT want to see, but now I think people just assume quite rightly that these people might be BOTS.

i just think its funny that they are nonwhite bots, often indians who themselves are writing code in sweatshops for a dollar a day. bet they wish they could code as good as these 16 year old black girls!

saw a guy today i first met several years ago. but this guy is just great. absolutely great. total mancrush on this guy. he is highly educated and very successful and very respected and also just one of the nicest, sweetest people you could ever meet. i mainly knew his son who was also a real nice, good, decent guy, but, very much like me, he had a hell of a hard time adulting. a lot of that was due to health issues, being born into a bad body, hahaha. so he has a much better excuse than him. but he was a great guy. his father is a great guy too, but way more successful. so i saw the father today and shook his hand heartily and said give my regards to your son, he’s a good guy, you’re a good guy, i’m happy to see you again, and i was. i was in the next room as he gave a presentation to other people with masters degrees and phds and his presentation/lecture was very high energy and interesting. lets just say he’s into educating and listening to him in this “classroom” it made it clear that he would probably be a VERY good educator, teaching, with students. i had never really heard him in this mode before, but big surprise, he’s great at that too.

give this guy an award! the rest of the day i was like holy shit, he is such a great guy, wow, what an awesome dude, was so nice to see him again.

(he completed his phd later in life, within the past 5 years, after he was already successful and had a good career and a nice family. I think I saw him shortly after that happened and congratulated him on it.)

great, great, great, great guy. he seemed to remember me even though i hadn’t seen him in…..over 3 years.

and i was like holy shit. i was in a GOOD MOOD for HOURS after that. I was like DAMN I gotta meet MORE people who are this awesome.

then i thought, well, that’s a little GREEDY. and what’s wrong with the people I already know? are they chopped liver?

but fact is, only 10% of people are in the top 10% of awesome like this guy is. not everybody can BE that awesome.

so i thought, it’s ridiculous to want to meet more people as awesome as him. first, theres not that many people that awesome, second, how am i worthy of knowing so many of them and having them hang out with me?

and then i thought, it would be LESS ridiculous for me to get married to this man so i can cup his balls all day and bask in his awesomeness. that would generally give me the same effect hahahahaha. being around one super duper awesome person all day every day.

and that’s greedy in another way, greedy and needy on one person. im just one man, find some other people to fill your needs. so yeah, having a Team of Many Awesome people would be best.

the trick is FINDING these people and IMPRESSING them so that they LIKE you.

How did I find this guy? I knew his son, who was/is a great guy, but not nearly as AWESOME in terms of being a successful adult. but this endeared me to the son in a different way. i could relate to the son being a “neet loser”, and I couldn’t RELATE to his father, but I had/have a huge mancrush on his father and see him as a great role model.

and it’s terribly mean to call the son a “neet loser” because he was SUCH a nice guy! probably got that from his father, who is SUCH a nice guy as well! so i can’t disparage the son, other to say that its SAD he’s not getting the great life he deserves for being such a nice man like his father.

anyway i looked up the father on linkedin today when i came home and requested a connection. chances are he wont even SEE it, but if he does, that would be nice.

the son doesn’t have linkedin. prob has facebook but i dont have facebook. i hope the son is doing well…….but i wouldnt be surprised if he wasnt. which is sad. he deserves better and is probably depressed af but doesnt even know it. so i didn’t want to push the father too much on this aspect. i just i hope your son is doing ok, he’s a great guy and deserves great things.

anyway im not alone in thinking the father is a great guy. he has LITERALLY touched hundreds of lives as an educator and i’m sure many of those people are cupping his balls as well. he deserves it.

there are sneaky J’s in this world, and sad things happening to good people, but there are also people who are just so god damn awesome you can’t believe they even EXIST, but they do. and if you can meet as many of those people in real life and spend as much time as possible with them……maybe one day you could BE that awesome. wow. what a thought.

the guy is AMAZING. he is an INSPIRATION. I mean every damn word. if it sounds like im gushing its because i am.

all people cant be this cool, unfortunately……….. but you can STILL recognize the awesomeness of regular average joes. i would like to be able to do that more. i just need an EXTREMELY awesome guy to break through my thick shell. but even less awesome people are still awesome enough.

im talking about hwyte people of course hahahahahaha. nonhwytes, i just dont really care about. i dont wish them any harm, but i’m not as concerned about recognizing their awesomeness.

(i guess if you are an educator dealing with a lot of black kids, you might get passionate about recognizing the awesomeness in each one of them. ok fine. in fact i think that’s a mark of an Awesome Educator. which this guy is. except he doesnt teach a ton of inner city black kids hahahahahha.)

but yeah. spend enough time with this guy and you will want to become a TEACHER hahahahahahaha. he’s one of those. one of those that probably ends up in many students “Muh Favorite Teachers Of All Time” lists. really blowing minds, melting hearts. good for them. we all need as much of that as we can get. but i think this can’t be taught in teachers college really. you have to be born with that spirit.

actually i might have some of that spirit! but i do NOT want to go to teachers college and be a damn teacher.

so yeah seeing him was a wake up call for me. that within every hwyte, there’s a spark of that same awesomeness. i might not see it right away. they might not see it right away. but I should FIND it and then SHOW them that I appreciate them for it. be a real cheerleader.

shit i wish i could cheerlead muh SELF in that way, but uhhhh never been able to do that in 30+ years.

it goes without saying this guy is charismatic af. you HAVE to be. it goes hand in hand with all that.

now muh new coworkers, ive said before they are all awesome in their own ways, and they are. i should try to appreciate them for that and to show them that appreciation…..so that they can recommend me for good jobs hahahahahahahaha. you need all the recommendations and references in life that you can GET. for jobs and Grad Skool hahahaha. not that i promise to ever GO to grad skool……but i also want to prove that I’m smart hahahaha. because that’s a legit reason to go to grad skool hahaha.

2 of muh coworkers are pretty charismatic guys, including muh direct manager. good role models, in other words, and i REALLY dont want to WASTE the OPPORTUNITY, the PRIVILEGE of getting to know these people.

this is what every young man needs………but im not a young man any more. i might be too old to really benefit from this stuff hehe. it IS especially valuable to have access to people like this when you are YOUNG.

it’s my HWYTE PRIVILEGE that i had access to types like this when i was young. but i was so fooked up, immature, and sissy anxious, that i AVOIDED people like this. AVOIDED NICE PEOPLE WHO COULD HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!

Well i’ve gotten better about not avoiding them any more hahaha.

and i just want to be good about being a NORMIE and having normie conversations with my good guy manager, for example. have normal conversations and over time build a real Relship, so that i can talk to him about his life and family and career, and even more importantly for muh narcissism, talk about my life and my career hehehehehe.

i’m a total narcissist who is AFRAID to talk about muh self with other people!

now thats a weird ass situation to be in.

because i am ashamed of how little i’ve achieved and how i’ve never had any real career goals.

who doesn’t have career goals?

LOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!

well, no one’s a LOSER, but uhhhhh at this point its beyond the scope of an educator, you need a different kind of professional help, have you thought about seeing a shrink or a psychiatrist hahahahaha.

YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

So he was talked to this other woman who is currently doing a PHD in a marxist as hell field and is being advised by a marxist professor, and i was like oh great, im gonna have a field day listening to this woman’s lecture.

and yeah there was bullshit in there about hwyte privilege and closing the achievement gap with blacks……but at the same time, these people at least were still genuinely concerned with Just Helping Students Succeed.  Period. and I had to respect that. they weren’t k1kes rubbing their hands with how to keep evil whites down. they just sincerely want to help all students succeed. and i can totally respect that.

i just think they would have a much better go at that if they acknowledged the reality of racial differences.

however i might just agree with them on the class differences. like this woman was talking about the experience of growing up in an honestly shitty town, no one goes to college, let alone gets a phd, and she talks about stories of smart kids who just didnt get the right direction by their teachers. and i can totally sympathize with that . in a way i kinda feel like that.

but most of that is On Me, because I Actively AVOIDED the people who COULD direct, guide, advise, help me put my life on a good path. because i was afraid to Talk To Professors. I do regret that.

not just professors, but just successful middle class winner people in general.

i overheard them talking that middle class kids get more direction in thinking creatively, thinking outside of the box, while the working class kids are more like “just tell me what to do. am i doing this right? tell me what to do and i’ll do it. please.”

which was haunting for me, since I felt like that ALL THE TIME at muh old job, and still feel like that a little bit, generally. i said FOOK creativity, we need to GET THINGS DONE. RESULTS. what do i do to make this work now. creativity is a bourgeois, effete, phaggy luxury that real working people in the real world don’t have time form. creativity is NAIVE and SOFT and WEAK.

i honestly dont put high value on being creative. i would rather get things done. be charismatic, be good with people, do good strong work.

so, according to her, i definitely have more working class values than middle class. which i kinda already knew hahahaha. the whole story of my life has been torn between those two worlds, and failing in both of them.

i would talk to them all day about class. but just stfu about RACE hahahaha.

because i have ALWAYS identified with and support the working class……but i always had class/status anxiety about becoming middle class. using muh SMART BRAIN to go to COLLEGE and get a nice middle class CAREER and marry a woman who’s also “smart” enough to get a college degree and spell words correctly and not get Working Class Tattoos hahahaha.

because there’s parts of the working class I dont like, the white trash shit, but honestly i think those are WAY outweighed by the positives.

so here’s this woman talking about all this stuff and it was honestly very interesting. i wish they had recorded the lecture, or that i had tried to talk to the woman more before the lecture. but i didnt because i felt like a nervous idiot who didn’t know how to talk to phd’s. besides she was a commie antiwhite feminist.

technically yes……..  but i guess i agree with the antiwhite marxists when it comes to class. i am very very pro-working-class. i just dont want a marxist revolution. maybe i want a nonmarxist workers revolution? maybe. one with a huge racial component hahaha. white workers. NSDAP hahahaha.

would REALLY like to meet an awesome inspiring person like this who is closer to muh views on Race. hehehehe.

listen if i were in the position of these educators and had black students who were honestly smart and honestly working hard, no way would i brush them off or try to keep them down. i would want to help them succeed.

if i were ever in a position to really truly literally DISCRIMINATE against someone based on race alone, i would hope i wouldn’t do it. i really wouldnt WANT to be in that position.

i just HATE how these altruistic, noble, good motives got wrapped up with horrible jooish marxism!!!!!!!

like all these admirable educators are also damn democrats who parrot the benefits of diversity to their dying day. can’t we just take that shit out? you can STILL HELP STUDENTS, regardless of race!

like the woman was talking about a student who was smart, but got bad grades. the student wanted to be a lawyer, but because they were a working class person with bad grades, their teachers were like, uhhh you might want to become a paralegal instead. because to be a successful lawyer you need to get on the right PATH: good grades. good schools. and this student was smart enough to be capable of that, but they are guided to be a paralegal instead of a lawyer. that discussion particularly interested me. as a smart person who ultimately got mediocre grades and never ascended to the Successful Track……..BUT PROBABLY COULD HAVE.

and this teacher is concerned with being a good teacher who helps those kinds of students get to that track. and i totally admire that.

i just wish they didnt have to be goddamn diversity loving, trump hating, SJW marxists!!!!!!!! who are scared and sad about the bigotry and hate of white trump voters!!!!!

why cant you be a white trump voter who loves the white working class but ALSO wants to see all students succeed and get on the right path? so that would be my niche hehehehe.

of course LAW is a risky choice anyway. dont become a lawyer OR a paralegal. is what i would tell the student. do a damn trade instead. and i think this woman teacher i was listening to was very open to that idea as well. appreciated the value of trades and trade education/educators. and i am thankful to be around educators who understand that. rather than humanities professors in the ivory tower with soft pink bitchhands hahahaha.

but yeah to be a successful lawyer you should aim for top tier…..or not try at all. its the best or nothing. i mean that’s just how it is with law. i wish it weren’t!

and yeah i wish college weren’t so expensive. i dont even know who to blame anymore.

but i think pushing trades education is always a good idea.

like how about get rid of high schools in black neighborhoods and have them do trades education starting at age fooking 14. get paid working experience starting at age 14, so that they can get a decent paying job at age 18. rather than have these shitty public high schools of teachers babysitting savage, uneducable “Students”. take those students at a young age, 14 at the latest, and get them into military or trade school, before they have time to become savages. that would be my recommendation as a huhwhyte nationalist educator who wants the best for students of ALL races.

lets just move this post into the BEST OF right now hahahaha.

DONE.

i mean heres the thing. i might just AGREE WITH J MARXISTS on some aspects of Education and Socioeconomic Class.

and i dont want J Marxists to have a MONOPOLY on those ideas. I want VVN’s to be able to claim those ideas too.

heh. there was another educator there who has very good reviews from students and teaches a class in Religion. he is a huhwhyte goy who seems to be a Good Teacher. i didnt get to talk or listen to him at all. i mean i have fears that he is a diversity loving shitlib. now his specialty is RELIGION. handsome youngish guy who SHOULD have a wife and 3 young children. does he? i worry that he is a fedora atheist who teaches why religion is stupid and right wing. but why would he get a graduate degree in RELIGION?

but why wouldn’t he get a graduate degree in THEOLOGY or DIVINITY and become a PRIEST?

he seems like a smart guy who knows alot about religion, but would he be good to go to for actual SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE????

i should have asked him why didnt he become a PRIEST hahahaha. i think its because he’s really into ((((buddhism)))) hahahahaha.

no i dont think theres anything inherently wrong with that. ive known some great people who were heavily into buddhism. thinking of an old college friend who was a GREAT, classic, inspiring guy, and he got a grad degree in something buddhist related.

excuse me “professor” but why do you hate christians? are you varg vikernes or something hahahaha at least then we would agree that HOLY FOOK I LUV BEING HWYTE hahahaha.

they might not explicitly luv being hwyte, but if they have a whyte wife and hwyte children………then ITS ALL GOOD!!!!!!!!

and shit i really like the issues that ((((SOCIOLOGY))))) looks at, like race and culture and status and class and society and men and women…………..but i wish there were a hwyte-friendly version of sociology, because currently, its about THE WORST field there is. the absolutely fooking WORST. SAD.

i mean if there were a Hwyte Sociology, I would get a phd in THAT. but there isn’t. there wont be in my lifetime. and i dont have the charisma or awesomeness or influence to make one myself. lets be realistic here. i mean yeah i often underestimate myself, but not here.

its so frustrating. to have smart people talking about very interesting things…..but to take the worst possible perspective on it. except for a few points about wanting to help working class students, or working class people in general. THAT I agree with them on. NOTHING else. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

and theres ABSOLUTELY NO WAY I could have a conversation with these masters and phd-level Educators and convince them that Hwytes are Awesome and plz drop this marxist white privilege bullshit. because I can’t argue, and I sure can’t argue against people who a large part of their jobs is arguing, in favor of shit I want to argue against. they would give me 6000000000 citations from other marxist phds why institutional racism is real and hwytes have a big debt they need to repay.  and i would give a few citations from RACIST, DISCREDITED sources like kmac and uh……cant say dr duke or dr pierce obviously. maybe could say rushton or bell curve or the DNA guy watson. but they already think these people are horrible racists!

uhhh well what about putnam. he was a shitlib who didnt like the conclusions he was reaching, that Too Much Diversity was Bad!

but i didnt even read the book!

supposedly kmac became gradually more redpilled as he did his research and wrote his books. he didn’t want to become a racist but by the third book (CofC), he had arrived, like it or not.

maybe just give copies of CoC to these people hahahaha. let them read it and say, this is hwyte supremacist bullshit thats no better than david duke hahahaha.

and i havent even read all of CoC myself!!!!!!!! its too try and dense hahahahaha.

and doing a phd in ANYTHING requires reading TONS of dry and dense stuff.

this will ALWAYS be inherent to ANY phd. its not going away. so yeah i am leaning away from the phd like i always was.

i mean i always wished i were better at arguing. ive never liked it because ive never been good at it. and certainly my lack of confidence doesnt help. you HAVE to be CONFIDENT to be a good arguer.

and to be a right wing ACADEMIC, you have to be confident and bold as fook. just couldnt do it. so i hate that The University has become so goddamn left wing. i dont need to tell you who to blame for that.

otherwise it might have been a good career path for a smart young man hahahaha.

and i’ve always been interested in this stuff more than any STEM or science, unfortunately. that would have made things a hell of a lot easier too.

so, what should a super right wing person DO for a career?

become a huge capitalist businessman like trump obviously hahahaha.

but i didnt really luv business classes. but if i had gotten a business bachelors degree, prob could have gotten an Entry Level Business Job hahahahahaha. but i would prob hate it because i dont like the way businesses are run. in very jooish, dishonest ways. fuzzy exterior at best, and rotten to the core. exploitin the workin class hahahahahaha. cutting corners and treating human beings as objects to make money.

and NOW i’m talking like a FAR LEFTIST!!!!!!!!!

but i swear. I’m really a far rightist but with strong pro-working class views. so i guess i should go cup matt heimbach’s balls HAHAHAHAHAHA.

no i like, respect, and admire heimbach and should read his stuff more. we need more men like that in the university.

or anglin or weev. or even k1ke enoch hahahaha.

but i also would like to have some role models who are Crazy Hwyte Supremists, but just total damn normies.

this is where that first guy comes in. he teaches in a field that is pretty Apolitical. and he would probably be the most open to listening to Right Wing stuff than the other Decent People I work with.

HOWEVER, I do want to take advantage of the fact that I work with decent people, with great careers, who are Kinda Leftist, but not Ragist Marxists like a Sociology PHD or something, thank GOD, and jsut have normal conversations with them, build Real Relationships with them, so I can Use Them as references and help muh own career, hahahaha. i mean i would buy them dinner in return, and give them good work. but it just involves me being charismatic on a daily basis.

and im not charismatic. i just try to be nice and friendly and smile and ask smart questions and show i’m smart and have initiative. but today i had a chance to make Good Witty Small Talk and I blew it and there was an awkward silence. I could have asked the guy about ANYTHING. movies, his family, his masters degree. but I choked. I mean later in the day I interacted with him and was friendly and smiled and made Good Eye Contact and said Have A Good Weekend so I think I did OK there.

but I want to do BETTER than OK!!!! I have a lot of lost time to make up for! I’m in a hole and have to dig my way out! OK isnt good enough!!!!!

OH YEAH. another reason this is a topkek post: had a dream last night with THAT WOMAN. She looked a little slutty and was acting a little slutty. which was rough because she never looked or acted slutty around me, and i LIKED THAT A LOT.  I wonder if she DID look slutty around me, if that would have made it EASIER in the long run, to shatter my pedestal fiction image of her. probably!

and maybe she DID act and dress slutty around other guys, guys she wanted to FOOK.  black guys hahahahahahaha.

anyway in the dream she was dating a hwyte guy, who was tougher and more badass than me. dressing and acting kinda secsy towards him. I was all butthurt and remember yelling at her: “N1993R FOOKER! you dirty degenerate N199ER LOVER!!! you god damn fooking wh0re!!!!” which really did not look good for me. at that point I look like the butthurt bad guy.

then she responded with hostility, not suprisingly. said no you’re wrong, see i’m not even WITH a black guy, i just needed a real man, not a little bitch like you. and i was acting like a little bitch.

and in real life, i was never that hostile or hateful towards her. i would never say that to her. i was a little angry and hostile, but i was more sad and disappointed and crushed. i still dont think she was a degenerate wh0re. i think she’s a good person who was in a tough situation and took the easy way out. we’ve all done it. i was a little disgusted at some things she was alleged to have done, but not to the extent i was in the dream!

i still view it more with sadness and disappointment, rather than hateful hositility.

not that i had NO anger towards her.

then later in the dream she started attacking me and “my team” of men with a sharp meat cleaver. turning into a horror movie villian who wanted to chop us up. And I brought it all upon myself by being a mean butthurt bitch to her. which then somehow justified her attacking me with a meat cleaver.

so i was humiliated that i lost control and appeared so weak and butthurt in front of her.

and in real life yeah this did sorta happen. i HATED appearing weak and needy and clingy to her. making her push me away. i pushed her away by needing her so much.

but i never said anything like n1993r lover hahahaha. i just said pleeeeaassseeee hang out with me i miss being frinedsssssss with you and she said stop it stop it stop it! leave me alone!

not my finest hour and yeah i am ashamed of being so weak.

so the dream brought alot of that back up. and showed her being Secsy, towards a tougher manlier man. another hwyte man. so i couldnt even bring Race into it hehehehe.

it was a pretty disturbing unpleasant dream! but thankfully it didnt ruin my day, I was over it about 2 hours later, and ultimately had a Pretty Good Day because of seeing That Awesome Guy. totally outweighed the cons of me being Awkward with the coworker and awkward with the other Professional Woman. i wasnt even awkward with her, i just focused on my task. and let other people chit chat with her.

but my job is so low stress, its NORMAL for people to chit chat! i TOTALLY could have left my “work” for 2 minutes to chit chat with her about Her Interests, some of which where 180 to my own, but others which were……360 hahahaha. right dead on.

but she’s a mature educator, i don’t think she is constantly judging people as WEIRD and AWKWARD. she wants the best for her students for gods sakes. she has probably learned NOT to be judgmental to people for being awkward.

i mean MOST people, they WONT judge you for being awkward, they wont even NOTICE IT, BECAUSE ITS ALL IN YOUR FOOKING HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to make a pretty good day even better, theres this. oh GOD BLESS YOU LAD.

though i would have liked if he called them k1k3s rather than dinosaurs hahahaha.

see i wish mike had just been more like woes. at this point, i have more respect and faith and confidence in MW. I feel he is more honest, has more integrity. take the gay scandal. woes didnt blow it off and not talk about it. he made it perfectly clear that he did not support the gay agenda, that gayness was generally degenerate, and that he was glad to put his degen past in the past. he handled that VERY WELL so the people still bashing MW about it do indeed look like autistic shills. i wish mike had approached the JWife situation with similar openness.

i still technically support mike. he has done more good than i will EVER do. i’m just disappointed at how he handled this, which has lessened my faith in him a little. 10 to 20%. there was no such lessening of faith with MW.

heh i found george feels making a comment on another guys video where he HEAVILY suggests that he is JWise and that he listened to Dr Pierce in the god damn 1990s. WOW. i wish george would talk about this in his own videos. i think he will! i hope he does!!!! im being deliberately vague here because i dont want to push him before he’s ready. but i think he will be ready soon. i hope he keeps going down this road, it could help him, it helped me with similar problems. didnt fix them entirely, but it HELPED.

being part of something larger, and very very meaningful, and this holy thing is under attack. 1433 brothers hehehehe.

i listened to dr pierce in 2012 and it was pretty influential to me at that time. he had some GREAT content but his Activism was still VVN 1.0.  also i hear he wasnt the greatest father. SAD. but he could still redpill you on the JQ.

if anything it makes me want to talk to george more. i’ve messaged him briefly and gently encouraged him to look into this stuff…..and apparently he’s already pretty far in. GOOD! GREAT!!!

hopefully by the time this comes out in sept 2017 he will be moar forward about it.

wodensthrone curse – really good. think the second half is maybe stronger than the first! and thats always good. i was getting hair raising chills for like the last 10 minutes STRAIGHT. WELL DONE. i didnt think music could do that any more. that i couldnt get any joy or awe out of music. WODENSTHRONE.

good for george. good man. this increases my confidence in george. i was worried he was just gonna do the same thing for 5 years hahahaha. IMHO he needs to run with the racial stuff, but i wont push him to talk about it before he’s ready. i mean he is putting his actual FACE out there. and its more harmful to be doxxed for VVN than to be doxxed for neet loserness.

i am tempted to email him about this hahahaha but he might think i am a stalker. maybe i will email him in a couple months about it.

friday night, tom off, normally i would have been in bed 2 hours ago, now i am rocking out to WODENSTHRONE and really WRITING like an absolute madman. finally got some people at the card table to will do a little of that.

REALLY wish i had some MJ, AS DEGEN AS IT TRULY IS. that will be my damn VICE.  but on a night like this, i would stay up late, smokin MJ till 2 am hahahaha then crash to sleep a long solid unbroken dreamless refreshing sleep.

well the awesome guy accepted my linkedin invite same day and sent me a message asking for my email, i emailed him back with the info and Cupped The Cajones a little more, hahaha. unfortunately the sent email was formatted all weird so now he prob thinks i am an unemployable weirdo who needs more help than an Educator can provide, hahahahaha.

no i’ll buy him lunch if he wants, shit hes such a nice guy he would probably buy me lunch with his huge paycheck hahaha. i gently suggested to him he should write a book or do a youtube channel. shit maybe hes already written a book. probably a sizable minority of people we get have written books.

also today was inauguration day. did i mention that hahaha. trvmpenfuhrer is now no longer president elect, but full blown president. not bad. now watch him cuck for ZOG hahahahaha. but let us bitter fearful bigoted working class ammosexual trumpanzee hwytes have our brief moment of happiness hehehe.

i mean educated people treat you like youre IGNORANT if you say you dont believe nonwhites are OPPRESSED. period. oh you cant be SERIOUS. how can you not SEE the institutionalised racism! a person today was talking about “cultural capital” and yeah these sociology concepts are potentially useful, but they just take it to the wrongest conclusion.

i mean shit, maybe nonwhites ARE oppressed. but you wanna play that shitty game, you know who else is oppressed? HWYTES!!!! hahahaha. oppressed by J plutocrats and media masters and Globalist Banksters.

maybe my holy mission is to organize all goyim against the eternal international J hahaha. goyim here meaning whites and blacks and browns.

maybe i will get banned for even using the word g0yim hehehe. stupid g0yim. the G0YIM KNOW, SHUT IT DOWN!

what if i lived in the UK where they have no freedom of speech? dont tons of UK people use wordpress????

listen man i’m not inciting anything and i don’t HATE anybody. this is not a rabid hate channel hahahahaha. and these scumbags still went after MW. so glad he came back with his new video saying FOAD you scum.

 

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MARXIST HUNTER

this may be a logn one hehehe.

had funny dream that i was interviewing for a basically entry level 30k job with a car dealership. i did not want to be a salesperson or involved with sales. just back office tasks. i was talking to two slick salesmen types. i hadnt prepared very well and was trying to bullshit as best as i could, but these guys were obviously MASTERS OF BULLSHIT and had turned it into good careers for themselves.

i was getting exhausted and then finally it came to and end and i was like thank god, i cant wait to get out of here, and they were like yep we’ll see you in 30 mins for the next part of the interview. i was like huhhhhhh????

so then i did that and it was a group thing where we were taking a test or solving a problem or doing group work. got to see all the other candidates wearing their suits too. I was competing against a roomful of 30 candidates for a 30k a year job. and they all talked like more of a normie than me, less awkward.

then that task ended and i got immediate feedback from a bubbly young HR gurl. welp you did pretty good on this part, this task was actually measuring bla bla, here’s our rubric of what we were looking for, you scored an 88% hahahaha.

and i was like ok i guess thats good right. and they were like ok we’ll see you back here in 30 minutes for the next session.

basically we were gonna be there ALL DAY, at least 8 hours of tasks and sessions and mini interviews and tests, for all 30 candidates, and the “winner” would get the sweet 30k a year back office job at the car dealership.

I was quickly becoming like FOOK THIS SH!T, I thought it was just one 45 minute interview and then maybe they’d call me back for a second interview. not a whole day of shit. I’m leaving.

heh. sunday. took nyquil at 12pm in prep for going to BED at 730 to get up at 510 am for MONDAY.

had actual brief NAP on sunday afternoon. sunday afternoon is the ONLY time adults can get away with taking a NAP, and even then, its suspect. only lazy neet loser incel negros take NAPS. NAPS are about the most degenerate thing ever. hahahaha. no i jest. i LUV naps, would LUV to take one EVERY day, but there truly is an anti nap stigma in the adult world. you can get away with naps until you are like 25 hahahaha. yeah well i argue you need good sleep just as much if not more AFTER age 25. plus you’ll have more shit DRAINING you and MAKING you exhausted and you’ll constantly want a nap every minute of every day.

anyway i have done ok and have not taken naps in like 3 years. honestly, truly Adulting Adults DONT HAVE TIME TO TAKE NAPS. its called just going to sleep and then waking up the next day. that’s your nap. be Underslept, get up, go to your Job, drink an UNGODLY amount of coffee to get you thru the next 10 hours somehow, then PROMISE yourself you will go to bed early at night to catch up, rather than doing stupid shit like sm0kin MJ, or staying up late, or studying work shit because every day is like an exam. with the pressure level of the top 20% of a tetris game hahaha. i really like the tetris metaphor hahaha.

Yuquijiro Yocoh – Sakura Variations
John Williams, guitar
JCW 2 –

heard this song on the classical station and liked it, knew id heard it before but didnt know what it was, hoped it wasnt somehow jooish, it sounded “EASTERN”. turns out its by a jap. a nip. the joo fears the samurai hahahahaha. ok that is acceptable.

then i heard this song on the radio as well and i was as moved as i could be by hearing a new song for the first time. i found her voice and the lyrics very beautiful. and usually i ignore and hate all lyrics. and usually i dont like women singers because they are women hahahahahahahahaha.

i guess they have to have an IRISH thing going on, i like irish women.  this woman wasnt even born in ireland, but her parents were, and she luvs ireland, and lives there now, and sounds like she would have an irish accent.

anyway a woman with a good singing voice like this makes you think of how great women CAN be…..but so often they just throw that away. wilfully profane their sacred gifts hahahahaha.

women singing like this captures their natural beauty very well. reminds you of what women are good at. or supposedly good at. like being warm and gentle and loving in a way that only a woman can. but they choose to act like jooish n3gr0 infants instead hhahaha. but they can be so much more. they can make you a better man with their luv hahahahahaha.

then say dont put me on a pedestal creeper, and have casual secs and murder their babies, except for the black mudshark babies of course hahahahaha.

and i say yep definitely not pedestal worthy, ya filthy animal. good luck getting any woman on a pedestal again. then you hear a beautiful irish woman voice.

also pedestal vs fantasy. fantasy is bad, i think pedestal can sometimes be ok, provided its not a fantasy, provided she thinks similarly of you. fantasy is just a damn fictional lie in your mind only.

so yeah theres a ton of irish female singers. im sure this cathie ryan is somewhere in the second or third tier hahahahahaha.

DONT USE THE PHRASE LET THEM GO WHEN THEY DONT WANT TO GO. WHAT YOU MEAN TO SAY IS, YOU WANT TO DUMP THEM. YOU WANT TO THROW THEM AWAY, NOT LET THEM GO. DUMPING SOMEBODY WHEN THEY BEG YOU NOT TO DUMP THEM IS NOT WHAT LETTING SOMEBODY GO IS.

not really a big deal, it just shows how stupid women are, that they use such a wrong term for something that clearly isnt what it sounds like. letting somebody go is when THEY WANT to go, and you dont want them to LEAVE……but you let them leave. you let them go. you’re breaking your own heart, not theirs.

i believe the word you are looking for is throwing them away like a piece of garbage. not letting them go. hahahahahahaha.

nice hahahahaha

After a couple months, things started to get weird. She would sometimes get angry at me for no apparent reason and would just stop talking to me or started to push me away. I would insist her that we talked so that we could figure things out. After several tries she would agree to talk to me, but got really defensive. Every time, she would say something about me being bipolar or too clingy, or that I was too immature or being a child, and I always ended up taking the blame and apologizing for things I wasn’t sure I even did. The other problem I noticed with her is that she didn’t like talking things out. I’m a person who likes to talk and express things to fix problems, but she would say that that made her uncomfortablen and she preferred to just pretend nothing had happened and moved on.”

OH LORD

http://archive.is/9FGLk

archive this one. beautiful and tragic story. very close parrallels to my own story with that woamn, although that woman wasnt nearly as shitty as this woman, also she was not older. i was older hahah

thankfully the comments didnt say YOU CREEPY MONSTER K YOURSELF!!!!! they said, do yourself a favor and get the fook away from this USER!!!!

so what she a user? that woman? i think maybe she had a tiny part that was, and she just didnt realize it. and the larger part was she was just a genuinely good person. but this was part of her dark side. that she was capable of using people and throwing them away. well we all are really.

i appreciate her brutal honesty hahahaha. i would be similar to her husbando. except i dont want to do a philosophy thing cuz its too marxist. i was done with that desire by age 26 hahahaha. however i might be interested in a counseling MA and making an active effort to Not Be Marxist. which is all ((((THEORY)))) means. unfortunately. I have a BIG problem with that. hahahaah.

also he is able to get a decent normie job without a grad degree. and he has a gf who isnt chomping at the bit to LEAVE him. so yeah can’t REALLY relate to the situation.

also I knew YEARS ago that getting a grad degree to PROVE YOURE SMART is a HORRIBLE idea. but i totally udnerstand that. because you know people in your tier of smartness generally do get grad degrees. and you dont have one. so you look like either a failure, or an idiot, or lazy.

jan 9

whoa ate like 900 calories over due to fancy restaurant steak dinner LOL hahaha. first world problems hehehe. i gave thanks to GOD for that privilege. should have showed more thanks by not eating the whole damn 12 oz steak hahahaha. and REALLY did not need to have a pastry for dessert. this is EXACTLY how people gain weight and get FAT.

anyway. guy in reddit. why doesnt his gf just LEAVE him for being INSECURE? because she luvs him and wants to make an effort. good for her. but he can already make a living, and wants to get a grad degree in something useless just to prove he’s SMART? why doesnt she leave him? well because he CAN provide for them.

these people who brag about their 20 year old son studying Engineering at Big State Univ and getting an Internship with Top 20 Company, they dont brag to make you feel bad for being a loser who wasted your own time in Uni. They are legit proud of their children. You would be the same way. besides, you think they are gonna talk about their MJ addicted neet loser child? hahahaha. the child who is gonna turn out like you ? hahahaha no they wont talk about  them at ALL. if you ask about them they will use their grown up powers of Social Skills to smoothly change the subject to something else.  these people have been married for 25 years, have raised children, have talked to clients for 30 years. they can handle difficult conversations with ease. you lie and say you have great people skills and communication skills, these people actually DO and you would be wise to watch and learn. and i try folks, i promise you.  i try to learn all i can from the great example of these highly skileld people. i am grateful for the opportunity to even be around them. at my previous job we couldnt get NEAR a person who was GOOD at something because we would have eaten them alive like piranhas because we NEEDED Subject Matter Experts DESPERATELY. someone who ACTUALLY knew what they were doing!

a classroom of 100 students who desperately need a teacher!

100 crying babies who need their mommy!

well see when the baby cries in the middle of the night, you’re suppose to leave them, let them cry it out, to teach them they dont REALLY NEED their mommy, and they will LIVE, and then they dont cry any more.

didnt work like that at previous job. because its not all in your head. you have a person bitching at you about a problem they think YOU are supposed to fix. its not like a crying baby at ALL. where YOU are the crying baby. a baby will cry at everything and nothing.

http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/meet-vile-vlogger-whose-racist-9586908

oh lord. those k1k3s did it. doxed millennial woes. welp i guessed his first name correctly hahahaha. but i never told anyone, and certainly not a journalist! this is that same scumbag that did a story on MW a few months ago. fooking cvnt.

i just sent him 5 GBP (6.25 USD) just because hahahaha. god damn these traitors. well, traitors assumes they were ever on our side to begin with. unfookin believable.  well, its actually not surprisingly.

GO DONATE MW SHEKELS NOW!!

http://www.paypal.me/MillennialWoes
Bitcoin: 1743rc3jnBaYL3piL9eeEHqbrXrroZLVWW

http://www.patreon.com/MillennialWoes

i think he will do all right, i just want him to not get scared away, to run from these parasites. i want him to stand up and say yeah now what you vermin. i will continue fighting with my real name.

so he might shut down his channel, but people are downloading and backing up all his videos. im not really worried about that. im more worried about him getting scared and just going into hiding. yes he should protect his family….but he should also not lay down for these subhumans.

heh. now im gonna get arrested because i sent him paypal right after he was doxed hehehehe. that or they wont let him have muh money.

jan 10

https://info.publicintelligence.net/AndersBehringBreivikManifesto.pdf

brevik manifesto, hear this is bretty good.

glancing thru it, it looks a lot better than i expected. lots of valuable stuff here. and well written. recommend it to your homeschool students. required reading hahaha. sheeeeeeit. i guess i was turned off by the idea of him K’ing kids. I thought it was SO misguided that i didn’t bother reading “the nonsensical ravings of a madman”. but these writings are anything but.

how many “kids” were there really, vs people over, say, 20?

these were full blown COMMUNISTS. it stands to reason a decent number of them were J’s.

he should have made some videos because its hard to read a 1500 page manifesto. but damn i think the majority of it might be worth reading.

similar thing with the journals of dylan roof.  he prob had some good stuff to say. they say he was a reader of daily stormer hahahaha. well i am a Sustaining D’nater to daily stormer hahahahaha.

breivik has vowed to SMASH MARXISM, esp cultural marxism. can’t say this is a bad goal at all.

see section 3.86 Sexual ethics/sexual morality in Western Europe has been destroyed by cultural Marxism and liberalism

BOIOIOIOIOIOING.

his sister had more than FORTY partners? he knows men who have been with THREE HUNDRED women?

dear lord

2017-01-10-16_51_34-andersbehringbreivikmanifesto-pdf

hehehehehehe (page 1172)

oh dear god how have i not seen this

article-2130364-129e969a000005dc-420_306x370

that is fookin AWESOME. oh my lord. how has that not become a YUGE MEME. i mean maybe it did and i missed it. but it should have been YUGE.

that LITERALLY made my day. Having a Decent day at the New Job, did pretty good at my main goal of Seeming Like A Normie Nonweirdo to muh coworkers and “clients”, introduced self to person in nearby department which ive been meaning to do for a few weeks, and then come home and find this. MARXIST HUNTER. fookin awesome. i have to say, today was a good day hahahahaha.

well apart from MY LAD MW getting doxed. that sucks. hope his family is ok and he is ok and that he comes back and doesnt RUN AWAY. but i bet he is getting some good donations. as he should!

kinda wish breivik had had 10 children. he said there should be a 3 years bachelors degree program in parenting. i cant say this is a bad idea hahahaha.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anders_Behring_Breivik

ok i guess he copypasted large amounts of the manifesto. well it still sounds good!

i wanted to see if he had a masters degree. does not seem he even has a bachelors degree hahaha. but he is working on one in prison. bachelors in poli sci hahahahaha. he has also “converted to notseeism” and “odinism” hehehehehehe.

NOT BAD!

MUH N!99A!!!

its ok to be a christian tho hahaha.

i dont like that he got plastic surgery on his face.

and i guess he is a narcissist. not surprising.

they gave him 21 years in prison. i mean he will be like 55 years old when he gets old. unless he dies in prison. well i saw some norwegian saying that the courts will prob make sure he stays in prison longer, for the rest of his life basically.

something about his crime was to increase visibility of his manifesto. uhhhh that failed miserably. i am the target audience of the manifesto and i didnt even look at it until like 5 years later!

he would have been even more effective making youtube vidyas and having 10 kids and raising them right.

they say he writes a lot in prison…but its not like we can READ the stuff!

but yeah supposedly he banged a lot of low-sexuality-morality sluts. i am so glad he uses these words hahahahaha.

but yeah he mentions some HIGH, negro like numbers for people he knows. his friends and family. people close to him. good looking hwhyte norwegians. all having 30, 40 partners like a damn n3gr0. its sad and disgusting.

even men having 300 or 700 partners, i can’t condone that! not to mention, i cant fathom the logistics. that’s like me literally BANGING just about every woman i’ve ever SEEN that is bangably attractive. imagine you’ve banged every attractive woman you’ve ever seen in your real life. how much WORK would that take? well it must not take that much for these men to bang 700 women. well, admittedly, those were the topkek men. normal men only bang 30 women hahahaha.

NORMIE MEN ONLY BANG 30 WOMEN hahahahaha.

i dunno i think i’d have a fun hour with ABB. just go to lunch and talk about cultural marxism, sexual morality, and race. he mentioned “GENOPHILIA” in the manifesto, ie, the love of your own race, which is ok for every race but whites.

heh. he’s not wrong. find myself saying this on every page of the 1433 page manifesto. actually 1518 pages hahahaha.

THIS FOOKIN GUY hahahaha.

wheres the MARXIST HUNTER tshirts???!?!?!?!?!

anyway. i think there will be a decent amount of Non Alt Right people esp in scotland, who heard about MW and have never heard him before, and will listen to his videos and say, hmmm he’s nowhere near as bad as this media is slandering him to be, these liars. how does he not have the right to say this. he’s a good boi, he dindu nuffin.

and i am cautiously optimistic that this might make woes stronger than he has ever been. this is gonna be a Good Gamechanger for him.

people are making support videos for him on youtube. it is becoming a huge story. probably get him thousands of new subs. he is gonna get promoted into an even higher tier hehehe. good for him. he deserves it. i luv MW hahaha.

You sent £5.00 GBP to Millennial Woes
YOUR NOTE TO Millennial Woes

quote GOOD LUCK MILLENNIAL WOES!!!!!!!! I honor your sacrifice and pray for your safety and that of your family. You have already made an immeasurable impact in securing the existence of our people. I hope you can give us an update on your situation ASAP. Weev could probably give lots of good advice in remaining safe and free outside of the UK. You’re an inspiration to me and many others. Please be safe and please try to update us (if it doesnt compromise your own safety!) Hope the media scumbags are not targeting your family in Scotland. GOD Bless you Lad!!!!

hahahaha i am SO GENEROUS hahahaha

is an EdD degree equal to a PhD? are there some EdD assholes who demand to be called “Dr” like some dickheads who happen to have a PhD? met a guy today and turns out he had a EdD but he was very down to earth. i did some stealth research while he was in the room and then discovered he had a EdD hehehehe.

and he’s not making 180k a year as a Dean or Superintendent somewhere? is there a GLUT of EdDs??? maybe.  and these people are all writers and poets. and just as unknown for their poetry as the BFA of Creative Writing working at starbucks or tech support hehehe.

besides if they were REAL poets they’d be drinking themselves to death and or have serious Psych problems that prevent them from making 26k a year or from getting a Masters or Doctorate degree hehehehe. prevents them from being anything but neet losers. you’re not TROUBLED enough, you have a DOCTORATE and make above average money and can afford the Bourgeois Luxury of CHILDREN.

POSSIBLE TOPKEK POAST HERE!!!!!!!!!

heh. now that MW is out of the closet as a hgue notzee, maybe he can record a chat with andrew anglin. ive never even heard either one mention the other. they are both manlets. maybe its the same guy hahahahahaha.

now the antifa are planning a protest of anglin’s father’s office near colombus OH. cant say i’m surprised. im surpirsed it didnt happen EARLIER, he’s posted this address publicly for YEARS, and his father willingly takes money. he could easily say, no son don’t put my address out there. and you know how he could force andrew to remove the address? just seize the money people are sending him. but he’s clearly not!

not even making andrew get a damn PO box!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

which he could easily pay for out of the donation money!

i would like anglin to do more real life stuff. he’s a great writer but i just assumed he was drifting in europe or asia. nope. in the past he was, but now he’s just hanging around damn ohio. who is he hanging out with? i think he honestly spends a lot of time by himself “just” writing and managing the site. its not like he doesnt have more than enough for a full time job there. im just selfish, i want more of a good thing, i like hearing his ridiculous ray liotta voice.

also woes talking to him would be good for both guys i think.

theres the idea that daily stormer is for high schoolers, TRS is for Uni Kidz. well we need both hahahaha. why not both.

so there might be an alt right, pro anglin counter protest in colombus when the antifa do their anti-anglin protest. will anglin show up? that would be nice. will the scumbags threaten his family? that would be disgusting. probably the only reason they havent done this protest earlier is because theyre LAZY. and dont bother googling anglins easily findable address until he pulls one of the biggest media stunts of his career so far.

he is brilliant at beating them at their own game, that is, outmanipulating them on the Media.

i made a witty remark at the job today that i thought was pretty funny and this colleague i respect chuckled at it. he has a masters degree and a career he likes and 3 white kids and a nice middle class life and is an all around good guy i respect. i was glad to produce some witty bantz that he enjoyed. can’t really share my joke because it would be kind of doxing unfort.

is this a turning point? are things starting to look up for your Humble Narrator? did something just CLICK in my eternal struggle to beat degenerate neetness? maybe!

but dont want to count muh chikuns. just be cautiously optimistic and give thanks to GOD.

article-2130364-129e969a000005dc-420_306x370

hehehehehe

giphy-1

heh if i get enough days like this in close proxmity, i might even be able to lose muh neet virginity a with a filipino single mom slut whos been with 40 guys! hehehehehehe.

 

 

MORE IMPOSTOR THAN DUNNING KRUGER

dec 5

WOW JUST WOW. heres a FIRST in mother fooking almost a year and a half, in fookin 16.5 almost 17 months to be exact, the famous first is that i went to a JOB today and earned MONAY. That much feelsgoodman but I also feel impostor syndrome, like i am a dumb weirdo and these people are giving me a chance but i am too slow on the uptake, im not taking that chance, i’m not ATTACKING it, and they will be disappointed in me.

the job itself seems SUPER LOW STRESS and everybody was chill and happy. I mean i have really hit the jackpot there. i should give some money to GOD right now for that. AND I know this woman that works there, i used to work with her 3+ years ago, she is a good person, saw her today.

there is technically a lot of stuff to learn but i didnt feel the PRESSURE to learn all this crazy shit FAST and EXPLAIN it to frustrated people who are gonna GRILL you on it. so its safe to say this job will be a LOT EASIER and a LOT LOWER STRESS than my previous job. which is awesome.

the people are nice and available for questions. HOLY SHIT.

on one hand i just want to survive one day at a time.

on the other hand, i want to ATTACK IT and SHOW INITIATIVE and PROVE MYSELF and EARN RESPECT.

i dont want to be a TIMID MILQUETOAST.

Like so one guy with a masters degree is helping the other guy with the masters degree with the software and I am watching and learning, and Im like these are successful people who are Good At Adulting, who have got masters degrees and Reaped The Benefits by having Good Career Jobs.

and here i am, a huge loser who cant get a job for 16 months sitting there trying to look smart and ask smart questions and act normal like i am a normie adult, when i am super far from being a normie adult.

i guess the thing is to “FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT” and really i will have to do a lot less of that here.

just remind myself this is NORMAL the FIRST DAY OF A DAMN JOB.

its been a while since i had the FIRST DAY OF A NEW JOB. it has been fookin THREE YEARS since that. well, 2.95 years hahaha.

transitions can be stressful even if the job is not stressful.

be mindful. let the thoughts float away. the judgments about muh self. just try to be nice to the people.

i mean i am ALWAYS nice but i am also Timid and I don’t want that.

also i can’t do much because there is a lot that is tied to my email/login stuff, and apparently the IT dept has a Policy where they cant get my account set up until after I have started my first day.  not before!

well i gave them 30 minutes of unpaid time today just to tie up some meeting stuff, like talking to the boss, etc.

the people here are very chill about getting there on time hahaha. i forgot about that. this workplace, ive worked at it before, from about 2009 to about 2013, and there were many many things i liked about it. and i am seeing that much of that, like the chill setting and the nice people, might carry over. and here i will have even LESS direct customer contact. but muh customers will be a generally higher level. masters degree people hehehehe.

yeah but there are some people in the dept that DONT have a masters degree.

i decided not to bring donuts on the VERY FIRST DAY becuase that would look TRYHARD, like i am DESPERATE to be liked and accepted. i can bring donuts another day. prob my last day of this week which is thursday.

i asked them about coffee. people like to drink coffee. great i said. i have some folgers at home i can bring in for everyone to use. there is a mr coffee for folgers and also a keurig machine. a goddam keurig. i guess its not THAT fancy. i mean im open to having a cup of keurig once in a while but i am a folgers man every day.

i wore dark blue dress slacks and a decent fitting Poplin/Oxford Dress Shirt, white with blue stripes. I looked pretty good. I made a half joke about how I could wear a tie if you think that would be good.

Wore black skechers shoes which are NICE but they are also too BIG. I shouldnt have bought them but this was over 3 years ago I bought these shoes. I actually wore them when i was working at this place the first time. jeez.  so this time i would go to WALMART and get some nice black shoes for reasonable price.

i mean i just gotta RELAX and be MINDFUL and not FREAK OUT. i mean theres NO REASON to freak out. everyone is NICE, they are not pushing weird shit on me, all this is OBVIOUSLY in my own head.

BATTLEMIND.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battlemind

military toughness mental training. how to stay cool in COMBAT. I should really look into this. just learned this word today hehehe.

i am thinking of making like 10 hamburgers patties at once on a cookie sheet in the OVEN. then put the burgers in the freezer. then i can eat a Hamburger for a snack while i am at muh job, if i am not so nervous and spazz that I cannot even think of eating.

i mean it is a mental thing now. everyone there is nice, its just my own INSECURITY and Inferiority Complex that I’m fighting against.

and here i’ve been reading a ton of job related shit while at home. well i kinda wanted to. again just becoming more familiar with the field in general. i suppose it would be better ot study the exact stuff in particular, the software, well i sort of did.

should try to see if i can sync a google drive folder on the job computer. might be restricted tho. but i can get to the google drives website. cuz they are sharing google documents with my gmail address, ie they intentionally use google docs to share stuff. i mean why not.

shit i forgot to ask the boss about his phd program. and his kids. and his previous jobs. 99% sure he is a democrat and might be a progressive activist one. he is big on education and worked in Inner City schools and certainly believes that poor blacks kids are every bit as capable and smart as privileged huhwhyte kids. and he has had a successful career, plenty of respect, and a wife and 3 kids to encourage his Weltanschauung hahahaha. he clearly is doing things right!

credit Salty Seaman with his parody of Kyke cernovich’s “gorilla mindset” with “chimpanzee weltanschauung” hehehehe.

http://english.stackexchange.com/questions/17908/whats-the-difference-between-weltanschauung-and-worldview

fooking intellectuals just jerking each other off hahahaha.  see this is one reason i dont want a masters degree. or especially a phd. its all mental masturbation .

anyway the boss is a good guy. i just wish he were a Rightist instead of probably a Leftist.

Well I think HIS boss is more of a rightist than a leftist hahaha. he already has his phd hahaha. but from a less prestigious skool. one of those classic working career adult completes phd in their spare time much like a MBA or something. i mean thats a good accomplishment too. the guy is obviously a hard worker, very ambitious, persistent, tough, BATTLEMIND, all good qualities. this guy is VERY masculine and somewhat intimidates me. shit he was also my boss’s boss 3-4 years ago so yeah I sorta know him. he is everybodys boss.

ambitious people dont like unambitious people and vice versa, sez famous negroball coach nick saban. for me this is hauntingly true. ive never been ambitious although i could have been successful if i were, cuz i used to have a good brain. but never had the work ethic. so people that DO have a strong work ethic, i worry about them looking DOWN on me as a Lazy Bum who doesnt Wanna Work Hard. Theyre not wrong, but I dont think that makes me a horrible person hhahahahahaha. but this guy is very ambitious and i dont want him to look down on me, cuz i respect him and what he’s done. thats a big part of it too, you dont want people YOU respect to disrespect YOU. you think someone is a good role model, and they think you are a lazy bum.

well he doesnt think i am a lazy bum. i hear he thought pretty highly of me when i interviewed with him once for a FT job in 2014. i guess i actually can sound sort of smart in interviews. then once i get the job i sound like an idiot hahahahaha.

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/80549/does-using-documentation-as-a-developer-make-me-look-unprofessional

heh. this guy is worried that looking stuff up makes him look dumb to his coworkers, because he doesnt automatically know it. never mind asking them dumb questions!

thankfully the responses are largely no, what you are doing is smart and good.

dec 6

everyone at the job is nice and there is no pressure, but i am putting a ton of pressure on myself to be smart and impressive and funny and likeable and normie and charismatic and fun and smart and a team player and a value adder and asking smart questions not dumb questions.

everyone is also super accomplished, basically everyone i work with or talk to has a masterz degree or a phd but they dont have a big head about it either. now i want masters degree people to know i am every bit as smart as they are…..but i dont want to get a masters degree. they are ambitious and career oriented so they were very motived to get an advanced degree. i am not. but i cant say that here. like yeah im just as smart as you, i just didnt want to work as hard. but they arent such workaholics that they arent nice, or are weird. everybody is nice and has families and children. sometimes i want to say “you know i only make 11 dollars an hour and dont have a masters degree in this field right? i mean im not an idiot and my undergrad was better than your undergrad hahahahaha but then i went off the reservation and became a loser after that point.

but everyone is very understanding and theyre like yeah i know thats a lot of stuff to be thrown at you.

it KINDA is, but not any more than i had before, plus the important part is, i dont have to answer phones all day and fix things for users of this software and explain it, while having nothing but the Documentation to assist me in that chore, and experts were very unavailable. here, the experts are just chilling out and you are sitting in a room right next to them with the phone only ringing once an hour! its SUCH a different environment, 180, i mean its 14880000000000180 times BETTER and more POSITIVE!!!!!!

Just some person with a masters degree in tech, whos an expert in these tools, who can answer any question I or the users have, explain everything, who WELCOME feedback and complaints and feature requests, dont just bark im busy read the documentation. its INSANE. no WONDER these people have masters degrees and years of experience, to have such good chill career jobs.

Basically everyone is a damn instructor too. all these people are teaching college classes on the damn side. To the point where I have to laugh sheepishly and say, now i’ve never actually taught a class before, because all these people have taught classes! They are all teachers!!!!!!

so yeah. much more of the impostor sydrome than the dunning kruger effect hahahaha.

i have been studying quite a bit when i get home, was going a training module today on a major piece of software.

Used the coffee maker today and one of our clients said that is some good coffee, reminds me of the maxwell house we used to drink at home when i was young. I said thank you thats the first pot o coffee ive ever made here hahahaha today is my second day.

he was an afro-american man with an MBA, very intelligent and well dressed hahahahahaha.

if most of the Black Men you met were like THAT, you might very well not be a racist, but be a damn pro-black, anti-white, anti-racist!!!!! no he was all right, i had no beef with him, clearly a Talented Tenth and would be welcome in my white nation hahahaha.

only working 6 hours a day which is perfect…..then come home and do some studying, and now i should go for a powerwalk, and thinking of bed at 8pm, i mean only 2 days in, of only 6 hour shifts, and i am feeling a crunch on my time in other words.  but i guess thats to be expected. will take a LITTLE getting used to.  so dont get NERVOUS or FREAK OUT about it. just ACCEPT IT. RADICAL ACCEPTANCE. DBT.

yassssssssssss rich spencer live at texas a&m, the skypes did not shut him down, its happening RIGHT NOW and there seems to be an enthusiastic crowd.

also some great uppity shitlibs. this is a Good School and is gonna get PhD level shitlibs and marxists.

yeah well spencer got into a phd program at duke, hahahaha.

shit i gotta go back and listen to this whole thing just to hear all the college leftists in detail and how he responds to them in detail. i missed the first hour of this.

but there needs to be a lot more of this, directly engaging and debating college shitlibs, uhhh because im not good at it hahahaha and really want to listen to someone who is confident and good at it.

TRS goys and univ shitlib marxist BLM together in the audience. NOICE. I gotta read more about this event. and the stuff that went on before, after, outside, nearby.

ebonic talking black female talking about whites doing genocide, youre building this country on the backs of black slaves.

i mean yeah you are gonna find the BEST (ie the worst, slimiest, most twisted) shitlibs at big, reputable univs like TAM, so yeah, more of this. lots more of this. YEAH BUDDY.

i wanna hear him and our side debate and argue with the other side, i dont hear it enough.

faggy philosophy student talking his love of logic and logicians from aristotle to russel, this is exactly what i want to hear, what i want spencer to BTFO, and which i cant handle, cuz i have no patience for hardcore logic hahahaha.

oh shit college “conservative” wanting to tell spencer he stands with the left to condemn spencers hateful rhetoric, how brave bantz spencer. RS is doing really well at this IMHO, needs to do this EVERY DAY. against even MORE hostile crowds.

http://boards.4chan.org/pol/thread/101841991/richard-spencer-at-texas-am-university

http://archive.is/iOEGP

https://twitter.com/search?f=tweets&vertical=news&q=richard%20spencer%20texas%20a%26m&src=refgoogle

http://www.dallasnews.com/news/texas/2016/12/06/protests-unity-event-texas-am-aim-drown-speech-alt-right-dallas-native-richard-spencer

2000 people PROTESTING him

whites with a phd in genetics asking how you determine white identity. god damn i hope that white guy is jooish. sadly he is probably an antiwhite white i fooking luv science! type shitlib. thankfully spencer is giving it right back to them, calling them fat idiots.

https://www.periscope.tv/w/1gqxvRrdNkqxB

i made muh first discord post to share this link i found in the 504um hahahahaha

http://time.com/4592947/students-protest-white-nationalist-richard-spencer-texas-am/?xid=tcoshare

time phagazine.

sheeeeit this is exciting. wish i could stay up late but i gotta get up early and act like a SMART PERSON. even with nice people in a slow environemtn, ideal people in an ideal setting, its still exhausting to put on the face and act like a smart capable normie for a paltry 6 hours!!!!!!!!!!!! i have NO IDEA how i survived at the other job. thank GOD this one is much better. mentally but not at all financially hahahaha.

 

BEING SENSITIVE IS ALWAYS A NET LOSS

dec 1 2016

had a dream last night about an old friend from my college days that of course we drifted apart, but he was a great guy and i hope he’s doing well. he was both one of the smartest guys i ever met, and also very principled and moral and a good moral person. he was also funny and hilarious and had great social charisma. he was also a very good musician. i had a total mancrush on him and was flattered that he seemed to like me. he had a very great personality and with that personality could probably get any woman he wanted, but physically he was kinda short. he was in great shape though, stayed very active with exercise. i guess he was pretty good at basketball too. well he certainly liked to play it a lot. he was pretty much responsible for introducing me to tom waits. he was fun to drink with and was no square there, but obviously he didnt drink so much that he couldnt be a winner at life. he was going for a phd in cultural marxist frankfurt skool bullshit and i was so impressed by the Brainy Intellectual stuff he read and wrote, that I was so stupid it made no sense to me, all this shit about reifying and rhizomes and deleuze and guattari and lacan and derrida and foucault and badiou and bordieua and baudrillard and adorno and barthes and mcluhan and zizek and all that ((((CRITICAL THEORY)))) stuff.

I had no idea that it was total jooish poison. I’m not sure that he did either!

So, with that perspective, it’s kinda troubling that such a good, solid guy would make his career in something so awful and poisonous. because when you’re young, that shit impresses you because it makes you sound really really really SMART. I actually knew a couple people like this. I had another friend in that same department who was similarly a very nice, charismatic, smart, principled, moral, solid man. they deserve better than this jooish bullshit.

anyway i hope they are both doing well. they are both great guys and I will never forget them. i just dont get the critical theory, cultural marxist, frankfurt school, jooish bullshit.

anyway back to the first guy. he could have had any woman he wanted despite his short stature because his personality was so great. BUT, interestingly, his fashion style was very scrubby, like a damn neet virgin. he could have cleaned up VERY well, but DIDNT. he had long greasy hair and a long wispy “beard”. he probably did not shower enough. this was not from a lack of confidence, but just because he was really that much of a “free spirit artist”, as well as a very smart articulate academic intellectual, as well as having pretty damn good social skills. not an awkward autiste whatsoever, but every bit as high iq as an autist. he just LOOKED like a homeless person hahahahaha. now I think after he finished his phd he started presenting himself better hahahaha. which is good, he was not ugly.

and because he had such a good, strong personality, he could get GFs and had been in several long term monog rels. I don’t think he ever did too much degenerate shit with women. never a “player”, never a womanizer, never open rels, and oh good lord I forgot he was CATHOLIC too!

anyway in the dream he’s like, we gotta watch this movie, it’s great. and I was like great, I like your taste, if you say its good, im sure its good. i mean he did/does have good taste in movies and music and books.

so we started watching this movie that was some 1970s french or italian “art” degeneracy like godard or pasolini. Which I NEVER really liked that kind of artsy fartsy movie, and now I like them even less. because of the jooish degeneracy embodied in them. the opening scene had a bunch of big women with big breasts but also huge erect dicks dancing around like the wild androgynous men/women of borneo. the scene went on for way too long. then the movie went on to tell this artsy, intellectual, elaborate story of how Whites were the Cancer of the Human Race, Whites were evil, whites are all oppressive, horrible natsees, and telling this story in a very artsy, college bourgeois phd sort of way, that you could feel real artsy and intellectually superior.

so my friend asks me what i think and im like oh great, this great guy I admire really likes this antiwhite bullshit, and he’s a brilliant guy, way smarter than me, theres no way i could convince him that whites are great, i mean i cant believe such a smart good awesome guy BELIEVES this bullshit! this could really complicate our Frandship!

And I was like well i dunno, i usually like your taste but I never liked this weird new wave godard pasolini shit, I mean its just too much for me, i mean come on, giant dicks, its just too much for me.

i did not mention the whole antiwhite message. that would be a lot harder to talk about with him.

anyway that was the dream hahahaha.

i never did talk to him about whiteness. but he was a great white man. and he did finish the phd i THINK. im sure he’s still a great guy, i just hope he doesnt spend too much of his career talking about how bad whiteness is.  and white = evil. he got along with nonwhites very well, which i think his family had some nonwhite foster children in their home. now for weev that helped weev become race conscious because the nonwhite children sucked. my friend, i guess his nonwhite foster “siblings” werent so bad. well good for him then hahaha.

i dont want to dox the guy hahaha.

but yeah what would HE say about the alt right, or whiteness? would he be a terrible shitlib saying that anyone who uses the term “cultural marxism” is a crazy, white, racist conspiracy theorist. cultural marxism is not a real thing.

i never read any of his papers. well i think i read a few pages at the time, and it made no sense. i dont remember anything about whiteness. maybe some stuff about signifiers and reification.

so i could easily look up his papers NOW and read them and probably get a sense of what he thinks about whiteness, right?

yeah probably! and im not sure i WANT to !

it was also funny we never really talked about his skoolwork that much, he never talked about it, and he also didnt seem to spend much time on it. he seemed to have PLENTY of free time to hang out, watch movies, go out, be social. i thought phd students were supposed to be chained to their books and work 80+ hours a week!!!!!! but not him!

so was he a bad student? maybe, but its kinda hard to be a “bad student” and get into a All Expenses Paid PhD program at a Very Good Skool. i mean thats how smart he was.

shit i would have liked to hear him teach a class, or do a phd defense especially. i know eventually he started teaching undergrads like most grad students did.

anyway he was/is a great guy, i wish him the best, but i also want him to have white children! he would be a great father of course.  there is a risk that he might marry a nonwhite woman though. although when i knew him, all his GFs were white women.

ok heres whats interesting. some white people go into an Urban Public School full of poor blacks and they become redpilled on race, like yep once i saw the real world, i knew that blacks and whites are very different.

and other whites say i became even MORE committed to education because i saw how precious these poor black children were, they were every bit as smart as anybody else, they just need better resources, opportunities, education, etc, so ive spent my life really trying to help these kids who really really NEED that help.

so which is the truth about race hahahaha.

i have no doubt there are many smart ghetto black kids out there that would benefit from a good education. plenty of little dr ben carsons out there.  but honestly i have no desire, and im honestly not TOUGH ENOUGH, to want to work in a black school to help those kids. i would rather teach white kids. really i dont want to teach kids at all hahahahaha. beyond being a homeschool teacher of my own children, and even there i dont trust my abilities!

but yeah when i was hanging out with somebody i thought was really really cool like that, i sometimes felt insecure and inferior, like im nowhere NEAR that cool, why are they hanging out with ME? once they find out how uncool i am, theyll get bored with me and dump me.

i guess i felt a similar way about women that i liked! that i was “privileged” enough to hang out with a few times!

classic inferiority complex. im not cool enough to be friends with this person. im not cool enough to date this grill.

and the women eventually “proved” it by dumping me, although the men i had mancrushes on, well they were pretty much “faithful” to me though! like i say, they were good solid moral men through and through, and never did me wrong! we just drifted apart due to time and distance.

hehehehe kinda wish i had met him when i was in high school hahaha. not to crap on my high school friends tho hahaha. but i might have had a chance at getting his Sloppy Seconds hahahaha. that was how much of an omega i was, i couldnt even get Sloppy Seconds because my friends couldnt get sloppy seconds either hahahaha.

well i prob could have gotten sloppy seconds from one of my friends who was ok with the ladies, qt ones too……but i was so proud i didnt WANT sloppy seconds from muh friends! or i just thought it was weird and gross. it IS pretty weird and gross!!!!!!!!! plus I wanted a GF, not casual hookup secs. i didnt like SLUTS back then either! i wanted a NICE GURL! i.e., not a slut.

so yeah, i pretty much ALWAYS disliked sluts. very consistent there.

ok thats enough memory lane bullshit. i just wish i were doing more in the present that would make good memories later. but all i got is the failure of the last 3 years, the painful memory of That Woman, etc. nothing really GOOD that i will happily remember. well maybe the good times i had with that woman. but i dont WANT to remember those! i want to have BETTER memories with a BETTER woman!

see i use overthinking as a way to cope with stress and worry. IF I THINK ABOUT THIS ENOUGH, I WILL FIGURE OUT AN ANSWER AND FIX THE PROBLEM. but it never works like that. i never find the answer. i never fix the shit. i just think and think and think and worry and ruminate and overanalyze and write and write and write and write. i order for things to improve, i need to get out and actually DO shit.

the best punishment for sluts is for their fathers to shake their heads and say i am very very very disappointed in you, and you will have to work to regain my approval.

but this assumes sluts HAVE fathers who can BE disappointed in them.

so without that….i think i determined shaving the sluts head bald would be a good punishment.

how about tattoo on their forearm saying “SLUT”? pretty good, but that would be guaranteeing they would never STOP being a slut.

how about a tattoo somewhere nonvisible then?

like i said…..I NEVER liked sluts.

I WILL give a slut a chance, if she’s really willing to repent and reform. of course how do you trust that? i guess look at her repentance. the first slut i was with was a very secs-positive bourgeois jooess, so of course she wasnt ashamed of being a cvm dumpster, she thought it was liberating and empowering.

hehehe there are two kinds of people in the world, racists and nonracists, and never the twain shall meet. i think if all the racists segregated away from the nonracists the world would be a better place. and then of course in the racist side, each race would then segregate.

whites are racist! racism is the worst evil! whites are evil!

once you realize this is what they are really saying, you cant unhear it hahahaha.

there is literally NO BENEFIT to being sensitive. it is WEAK. FRAGILE. NON TOUGH. being TOUGH is ALWAYS good. weak people break down and cant get shit done. and they are miserable because everybody rejects them because they are weak and sensitive. hahaha.

oh but they see the world in a unique way and create great art!

  1. at least half of them DONT, i never created great art
  2. well thats not entirely true, I wrote 2 and a half pretty good songs. long epic songs too haha. and a bunch of decent bukowski ripoff poems. and at least 3 book length blogs. 1 sweet doom level.
  3. art is not that important. its a nice luxury but its not very useful at all. it is not a vital role in society. its nice to have, and its really fun to listen to music from ages 11 to 25 or so, but after that, theres more important things to do, like run society, have children, and music and art does not help with that at all. yeah it adds to a sense of culture but you know what else does? children. government and society and civilization. people inventing shit and building civilizations and employing people and doing work. this takes TOUGH, STRONG people, not SENSITIVE, WEAK people.

plus there is plenty of good art made by Tough, Strong people!

oh but sensitive people Love more deeply.

but this is WORTHLESS unless they find another sensitive person who can APPRECIATE that AND luv them the same way back! Sensitive Luv is just Wasted on Tough, Nonsensitive Normies! they will DUMP you for being too WEAK and NEEDY!!!

and how many sensitives are there? it CANT be more than 25%.

so yeah, ITS NOT WORF IT to be sensitive and weak hahahaha. i wanna trade it in to be tough. so i can LUV people more intensely! that is TOTALLY not worth it! I don’t WANT to luv people so intensely! theres something WRONG with me!

all this sensitivity has made it excruciatingly difficult to live a normie adult life with 26k job and 6.51/10 waifu!

i should see if muh new 13k a year job can send me on a business trip to colorado. or NV, CA, OR, WA, or MA hahahahahahahahahahahaha. every week.

i mean shit theres an idea. why not do job searching in colorado?

because I dont really want to MOVE to colorado, i want to stay near muh family! they are the only family i have! i wouldnt mind visiting colorado for a week or 2 and being ridiculous blazed that whole time, but i dont really want to MOVE ANYWHERE!

and some people are not like this. they dont mind moving anywhere in the world. shit i kinda wish i were more like that. because that is a TOUGHER person. who will leave their family behind to go where the jobs are.

you know you like somebody when you make a MIX tape/cd/stream for them. did anyone ever do that for ME?

well sort of. there were some manly no homo mixes in there where i exchanged Metal Mixes with another Metal Fan who worked at the Music Shop where I took some Guitar Lessons hahahaha. good guy but he was more into death metal, like Early Technical Death Metal with especial liking to Technical Death Metal Bass. I wonder if he was happy about all the new technical death metal that has come out. i cant even. like maybe necrophagist and stuff like that hahaha. i dont know. not my cup of tea.  we both liked bands like nile and cynic and early cryptopsy. naturally he really liked death. i liked their “sound of perseverance” album but never got much further. (although now i am kinda interested in their old stuff, hehehehe.)

well ultimately ive always been more of a black metal guy than a death metal guy, and he could not help me there.

oh shit i wonder what he would say about deathspell omega. that is probably the most technical band i like. and they really are TOO damn technical hahahahaha.  cool it with the nonsense riffs guy. i thought you were black metal hehehehe. technical black metal. i am probably more open to that that technical death metal.

could demilich be called technical death metal? i know they have very cult following.

again, i like stuff thats more Atmospheric and Emotional and Sensitive.

but its funny. i stopped paying attention to metal for like 5 years and those were THE most important years TO pay attention because SO much shit happened. when i came back to metal, it was like a whole new world. 10 generations of evolution had happened and suddenly i was an old man who didnt understand the youth. all within 5 years.

i was out of it from like 2002 or 3 until 2008 or 9?

uhhhhhh yeah between 2002 and 2009 a LOT of shit DID happen in metal hahahaha.

it would have been nice to have been paying attention when the deathspell album “Si Monumentum” came out in like….2004?

well i DO remember when paracletus came out in 2010.

i DO remember when varg got out of prison and came back with “belus” in like 2010.

i remember when the alcest album “ecailles de lune” came out and invented “blackgaze” hahahaha.

so yeah i didnt miss it all.

anyway metal. i dont even like talking about metal with metal fans, because they like different metal bands than me and will try to push some metal bands on me, when im not looking for new metal super actively. there needs to be a come to jesus moment and then ONE BAND will reveal itself to me at the right time, like saor right now.

i am very ok with that, im just grateful to be able to enjoy fresh music at all anymore!

did i mess up muh brain with too much alcohol and MJ when i was young?

YES, PROBABLY!!!!!

i used to be smart in high school! i was great at high school! i peaked in high school, hahahaha.

then 15 years later, you have to tell people, i was smart in high school! I SWEAR!!!!!! I WAS SMART ONCE!!!!! and then these young smartasses roll their eyes. yeah right, old dumb man. then why are you working here at your age. obviously didnt make good decisions with your life.

yikes i get to writing and then it INEVITABLY BECOMES super negative and despairing and horribly derpressing!!!! SO STOP WRITING!!!!!!

just as surely inevitable as the sp1c n1g cycle will guarantee that sp1cs and n1gs will inevitably stuff themselves with fried meat until they become crippled by morbid obesity and require heroic medical care until they gracelessly expire, hahahahahahahaha.

so yeah. theres no benefit to being sensitive, weak, and fragile. these are BAD THINGS!

the TOUGHER you are, the easier time you will have in life, the better you will do in life, the less suffering you will suffer through. the more self respect you will have from being able to achieve a minimum of normieness.

psilocybin decreasing depression and anxiety? ok i’ll buy that hahaha. i would have to take a TINY dose though. i took psilocybin exactly twice in muh life. when i was 20 years old. ykes. the first time was ok. the second time was HORRIBLE and i felt horribly alone and alienated and heartbroken and despairing.  realy more sorrow and emptiness than anxiety. which i guess is actually BETTER than anxiety. that feeling of panic is just horrible. but thats the last time i will ever do mushrooms around a woman i am in luv with who doesnt like me hahaha and would rather be Romantic with other guys in front of me hahahaha.

maybe that is why i am so sensitive to rejection. cuz i did mushrooms WHILE a woman was essentially rejecting me, so it imprinted somehow. really the only way to “fix” that is to do mushrooms while i am with a woman and she is Totally Accepting me. being with me, having tender monog relship secs, cuddling, etc.

i would also do it alone.

i would also be open to doing super duper tiny doses like they did in this medical experiment. though when you “TRIP” they always say dont take too LITTLE, you gotta take enough to actually feel something maannnn.

so i say just take a teensy weensy bit. like taking one puff of MJ. you ever take one puff of MJ and feel it? then you might be a sensitive snowflake like me hahahaha.

so yeah i would be open to that. take such a tiny dose that you could get up in the morning and go to WORK the next day like you can with MJ hahahaha.

HA! this “straight dope” message board looks pretty good

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=812509

can you be mistaken about your own romantic luv for a person

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=812505

tell me your job search techniques

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=812025

how many females are open to the idea of a scat fetish in a relship hahahahahaha

great quote from that one:::  ”

11-27-2016, 01:42 PM
astro astro is offline
Guest
Join Date: Jul 1999

OK maybe there is a beautiful, kind, loving woman out there who will shit on a plate so you can eat her feces and relish the intimacy this creates for you. You gaze into her gorgeous, endless eyes as you take your fork and carefully nip off some of the warm, fragrant brown turd she has produced for you. You inspect it lovingly and notice how it was formed in convergent layers by her bowel and the little bits and pieces of undigested food woven throughout. No pinworms or other creatures are waving back at you, so reverently you lift the morsel to your nose inhaling deeply and flaring your nostrils to get the full impact. The pungent aroma is overpowering so close and up you are in heaven.

You pass the aromatic brown chunk between your lips and explore it with your tongue rolling it around it your mouth. Firm yet soft you feel it dissolving in your mouth before you gulp it down. You want more and dig in! Seeing you smacking and chewing so lustily with a filmy smear of poo, her poo, coating your lips she gazes beatifically at you and the connection is so real you feel transcendent.

Hope you find your gal.       ”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

hehehehehe nice

well you need to take a few years and get some therapy and fix yourself before you can ever be cured of your virginity, and also you have such deep issues, you will never get a gf, just maybe some casual sexs with crazy sluts, after you do like 5 years of therapy.

 

dump him because his lack of success in his career indicates immaturity and abusiveness and issues and insecurity and that he’s in a bad place and is incapable of being in a relship because he’s not happy with his career and never will be until he gets his masterz degree and gets a sweet office job that he finds SO FUN AND FULFILLING just like you

from this thread:    ”         [–]Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez 2 points 48 minutes ago
Here’s what people usually want when they say they want closure: they want to have the last word in all the major arguments they had with their ex, and they want their ex to listen and say “you’re right, I was wrong,” and mean it. But this is a fantasy. As I’m sure you realize, the conversation wouldn’t go anything like that in real life.       ”

hehehehe nice way of putting that. closure is bullshit. a myth. there is never any closure. you always want the other person back, until you havent seen them in 4 years and then you dont really want them any more. then you see then and you want them again and need a few months just to get over seeing them once hahahahaha.

took a tiny benedryl tablet instead of taking nyquil tonight. felt like one or the other.

i never liked the the write shit but dont send it approach.  i say send that shit. hold them accountable!! they dont get to do EVERYTHING on THEIR terms! They SHOULD see that their actions have consequences on other people!!

damn man that sucks. wanting her back after years because you know the shit is fixable. yeah but maybe she wouldnt want to fix it and would just dump you when you tried to fix it. being WILLING to fix it is just as important as being ABLE to fix it.

oh well just dump the toxic mentally ill abuser and find a better man, people are so upgradable like that.

NOT EVERY WOMAN WILL TREAT YOU LIKE YOU ARE REPLACEABLE, UPGRADABLE, OR DISPOSABLE!!!!!

even if they might like casual sex with a revolving door of replaceable, disposable dicks hahahaha.

dec 2

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/i-dont-want-relationship-okay-0

if you dont want a relship mmkay, then you shouldnt have SECS. SECS shoudl ONLY occur WITHIN a relship. a mongo (hehehe) longterm relship. if you dont want a relship then you should also enter a period of Voluntary Celibacy until you ARE ready and willing to be in a relship. and THEN you can have your damn FUN SECS again hahaha.

fookin sociopath. so focused on their damn career that they dont see the benefit of a serious rel.

ok i am looking fwd to getting haircut today, very soon, and just wanted to record this damn stupid dream i had last night

YES it had THAT WOMAN and in a big way. I recall i was hanging out with her and laying my head on her beautiful soft white stomach and just rambling on about bullshit like music or something, even though i was very very worried about the state of our relship, but was scared to talk about it, so i just talked about anything else. however i felt there was still hope because she was willing to hang out wiht me and let me lay my head on her bare stomach. which is kind of intimate IMHO. never did that in real life hahahaha. couldnt even hang out with her anymore hahaha.

then i left and continued being worried. then i guess she dumped me. i went back to talk to her and she started literally running away. and i began chasing her and she conitnued running. i was running too. i was screaming after her pathetic begging things: please just talk to me! please respond! please lets just talk about this! PLEASE DONT TREAT ME LIKE THIS! i recall saying that exactly.

then i was heartbroken. then i was talking with another female friend i had during college. i was never attracted to or in luv with her. we just got along ok and had mutual respect. she was very smart and very funny. on the downside she was very shitlib (so was everybody) and had issues with Secsual Morality. At heart she was a good person who was mashed into this jooish neurotic somewhat mess because of Kollige and the Middle Class Career World, which her family was firmly in, and unfortunately pressuring her with high expectations.  also she was supremely judgmental and liked to gossip about drama. I am the SAME WAY, but these women were actually a little bit WORSE. they were still good people though. they just needed to cool it with the drama! also she was nonwhite, therefore Im not such a hateful racist that i want to throw all nonwhites in the oven hahahaha.

so in the dream i told her how devastated i was and she wasnt really being THAT comforting, saying, well, if she’s running away from you, she obviously doesnt want to talk to you! so stop trying to talk to her.

but i really really really WANT to talk to her!

well she OBVIOUSLY doesnt WANT to talk!

but thats SO UNFAIR! she doesnt get to throw me away like a piece of garbage without being held accountable for the consequences! you want to get out of this, you have to go through the discomfort of a damn uncomfortable conversation at least!

so i convinced the female friend to go and meet with That Woman and kind of act as my attorney/advocate because That Woman was not allowing me to meet and talk with her.

i was riding in a taxi with the woman friend. i was nervous as shit because this was my last chance to say what i wanted to say, and i had to say it through this other person. i was trying to use Wise Mind and articulate myself as clearly as possible as to what i wanted to say. I remember very clearly saying “I fully accept her decision. I’m not asking her to be with me. sure, in an ideal world i’d like her to be with me, but I fully accept that she’s decided to end the relationship. what i’m asking for is just….i dunno. more recognition of my broken heart. more recognition that our relationship was meaningful and valuable to her. we knew each other for 3 years and i THOUGHT i meant something to her, was valuable to her, made a difference in her life, and we shared what i thought was a great connection and some great memories. i never wanted to hurt her. and i never wanted her to HATE me. it seems like she hates me. what did she think i did? I want to know what she’s thinking and feeling about this, and to tell her what Im thinking and feeling about it. that’s why I just want to meet with her and talk to her, and its so frustrating she’s not willing to do that.”

basically not a big chance from real life here.

i also wanted to show my other female friend (WHOOPS, not supposed to refer to women as “females”, that is a TELLTALE SIGN that you are a huge redpill neet incel entitled niceguy omega virgin nevergf woman hater!!!!! who sees women as some weird alien species and not human beings!!!!) that i was in the right, that i wasnt some kind of creepy stalker controlling abuser manipulator who wanted something unreasonable.

the friend went in and i sat in the taxi very nervously.

after like an hour the friend came out and said that That Woman said she didn’t feel I really CARED ABOUT her as a real person, that I was just trying to MANIPULATE HER INTO SECS. (basically accusing me of being a Niceguytm.) that i had no regard for her feelings and wasnt willing to listen to her.

then i got angry and was like WRONG. thats TOTALLY WRONG. I care about her SO MUCH! I am DEVASTATED! i will be devastated for the next year! it wasnt all about secs! it was about LOVE and having a loving rel! i wanted a HELL OF A LOT MORE than just secs! this is about luv! hearts! relships! sharing lives together! and i care very much for her! i want the best for her! i want to be with her and help her build a happy life! and to share a happy life together! shes got this all WRONG! can i just go in there and talk to her myself! no? goddamn why cant she just let me talk to her???!!?!?! can you go back in there please and tell her what i just told you??

(it was kinda like my job where callers could not speak directly to the level 2’s who knew how to explain bad news, and had to go through ME, who didn’t really understand the shit!)

the friend advocate sighed, like yeah thats not gonna work, but i’ll go back in there one more time for you.

then she did. then she taxi drove away with me in it. we picked up some black thugs and dropped them off at a casino. i was like shit we gotta get back to where we were. i didnt know how to get there from where we now were. i asked the driver if he could go back to the house where we were before. he said sure. he was clearly very foreign and i thought he might be bullshitting, because it didnt look like we were getting any closer. i asked him where he was from and i think he said georgia. like the country of.

so that was about it. it was a very vivid, long, movielike dream. i think the benedryl put me into a deeper sleep and therefore a deeper dream. it was not great. pretty much illustrated what was going on in real life, except now i had an advocate who was willing to talk to her on my behalf, and she was able to confirm that That Woman had a very Wrong opinion on What I Had Done. in real life, i have no idea what she was thinking.

but really, her having the Wrong Idea did not make me any happier, in fact i was just more frustrated, and just wanted to send the advocate back in there to show that I was Right, and She Was Wrong!

see that reddit quote about closure about hahahaha.

so yeah. also the dream was sad because at the beginning i actually DID see her and had an intimate moment with her like i never had in real life. but the moment wasnt intimate for her AT ALL!

hhehehe. if it takes you longer than a year to get over…….then hell yeah it was true love!!!! fook yes you CARED ABOUT them!

so i hate the accusation that you just want SECS when really, you are in LUV with them and CARE about them and want the best for their LIFE!

but no its all about secs secs secs with these women. and not even sacred, holy, loving, babymaking, relationship secs, but they reduce everything down to negro casual sex. its the only thing they understand hahahaha. absolutely disgusting.

ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES. I guess i just wanted her to experience some consequences and not be able to avoid them so completely. i sure experienced some damn consequences.

that doesnt mean that i want to inflict pain or punishment on her! more like, i just want her to feel some REMORSE and to reflect on this and learn how to not do this again in the future!

and probably she will learn from it, and treat other guys better, and i will never know, and never experience the Better Kinder More Mature Her!

she was already very kind, i experienced a lot of her general kindness, so i know she was capable of it. it was just a matter of Choking in a High Pressure moment. like i never did that before! like on the job or something.

yeah but with a Relship, I would have at least written an email hahahaha. that doesnt require a lot of effort or courage.

well it DOES involve courage when you actually SEND it. maybe she DID write an email but wasnt courageous enough to click send!

so yeah i did not enjoy that dream hahahaha.

looking at days since spreadsheet because i put haircuts on there….

507 days since i last talked to her… (16.9 months)

473 days since i last emailed/contacted her   (15.77 months)

81 days since last haircut, yeah its time hahaha

389 days since intentionally looking at/using jooish filth pornography

later

got haircut at mens haircut place, good prices

rambled on to older white slavic woman about what i wanted. hard to articulate. finally got to the following clear actionable instructions:

“2 ON TOP, 1 ON THE SIDES”

and hopefully she understood that. i should write that on a flashcard which i bring next time in roughly 10 weeks hahahaha.

i usually get 1 or 2 all around. never this fading or two diff lengths. breaking out of comfort zone. it looks all right. somewhat militaristic and fashy. not bad.

2 ON THE TOP, 1 ON THE SIDES.

just tell them that. short. direct. unfookupable hahaha. these are the kind of instructions i like to receive for muh job. not some vague bullshit that can be interpreted 10 different ways, then you have to go back and ask 10 clarifying questions, and they sigh and eye roll and think youre an idiot even though they gave you these stupid vague instructions that they probably didnt even read or realize how vague they were.

so i should assertively say: i dont like vague instructions. i like clear, concise, unambigious instructions. 2 on the top, 1 on the sides. im not going to waste your time with stupid questions, so dont waste my time with stupid instructions that require stupid questions for clarification.

fooking fookbitch.

so yeah that dream sucked. its faggy as fook to lay your head on a gurls stomach but i like the idea of it.

i dont get it. secs is so cheap for them, they think you want cheap sex, when you want expensive luv, and then they get mad at you (well, NOT you, but niceguys, which we are NOT) when you want something that they consider cheap, which you dont even really want. cuz Cheap Sex is all they understand. when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail hahahahaha.

yeah being a niceguy is bad and shameful but i STILL think women overreact to it. but im still not saying i was a niceguy hahahaha. cuz its bad and i really dont want to be that. but they overreact. they think you are a HORRIBLE person, when you are really just a WEAK, COWARDLY person.

kind of like her. I dont think she is a HORRIBLE person, i think she is generally a good, maybe even GREAT person, she just had a moment of cowardice.

how come women cant give us the same BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT?

yeah well not all women, not all women, not all women hahaha. not even most women would not give you the benefit of the doubt.

but yeah i sure would have liked to cuddle with her and touch her white stomach hahahahaha. so it sucks to DREAM about that 16 months later.

like the guy in that reddit. he went on dates with 30+ women and still couldnt stop comparing them to the woman who dumped him, who he couldnt get over, years later. the only thing thats gonna fix this for him is to find a woman who is BETTER. who can make him feel luv again.

that story resonated with me because hes in his 30s and wants to have children and a wife, and he wanted that woman to be his wife, and have children with her, and he can’t see having children with anyone else yet. yep when you get older and want a wife and children, the stakes are even higher than when you are 20 and just fooking like a horny n199er. and not all of us wanted to be degenerates like that!

basically i view women as degen n199ers who cant keep it in their pants, and me as a principled man who is more moral and principled and white and better and seeks a higher morality and understands deeper truths. which isnt entirely wrong, as i believe my principled view of sex is the Better one. and i want a woman who shares that Core Value. hard to find a woman who doesnt treat secs like a horny n1993r tho!

ff12 has good music too, another great game, i never thought this game was underrated hahahaha.

so basically i view women as these alien monsters, who i have a yearning desire and obsession over, who throw cheap sex at everyone but me, who finds sex very very expensive, so i have a combination of deep resentment and deep desire for women. well, young (25 year old, marriage age, fertile) women! I want them so badly, I can’t have them, and they don’t want me.

these are the Big Kahuna of Cognitive Distortions that i need to address.

that and they undervalue something I value so highly, so i imagine them as sinful devils blaspheming my holy morality. like they are literally The Devil. The Enemy of Man. the Adversary. the living embodiment of Sin and Distancing yourself from Truth, Beauty, and Goodness. Women Are EVIL.

when really they are just Complicated PEOPLE, just like you and me hahahahahahaha.

so reddit says read books and watch tv and movies made by women, so you can view women as real people. go read margaret atwood or watch orange is the new black.

yeah but these are all feminists who have to slip in some man hating marxism. so whenever i read a woman doing that…..i dont understand or like women any better, i just dislike them more hahahaha. like you dirty fooking communist traitors.

so the best would be to read like books by a woman i like, like ann coulter hahahahaha.

maybe i should read the new megyn kelly book which she is promoting like crazy and which people are apparently buying like crazy too hahahha.

some feminist on reddit said “men worry that women will laugh at and reject them. women worry that men will raep and K them.”

yeah ok there is a kernel of truth there. but that doesnt mean women should be degenerate slutty n1993rs.

i like this trvmp “thank you” victory tour. he has been very busy since the election and hasnt had a rally in WEEKS, when he used to have a rally every day and give huge rousing speeches every day. it was weird to see him out of the spotlight. basically what he’s been doing is “hiding out” in trvmp tower talking to people and making big decisions of who he wants on his team. whcih is great, but i want him to come out in front of the cameras and 100000000 cheering people and call the media a bunch of disgusting animals and build the wall and drain the swamp and MAGA and make good deals. hopefully he does Rallies when he is prez.

so yeah if you worry men will r and kill you, dont put yourself in situations where you are basically putting yourself out there on a platter for those men, basically saying R me and K me!!!!!!!!!!

doesnt mean any woman DESERVES to be R’d and K’d, it’s just DONT BE STUPID. dont be the kid who jumps into harambe’s paddock. dont put your head in a lions mouth. dont point a loaded gun at your face. dont tease men when you don’t know that man, you dont know that he’s not a dangerous man.

you come SO CLOSE to really knowing a woman as A Human Being, and then she does a total 180 and throws you out of her life in a way that you cant even image doing to another human being.

not all women Would Do That, not even most women Would Do That.

if you’re not sure the best way to dump someone, just pay a Social Worker $50 to do it for you. don’t go out to lunch or dinner for a while. use secs to coerce your FWB’s into paying for your Birth Control, or to just give you the $50 for the shrink. suck off your Boss for $50. cuddle with some omega orbiter for a $50 fee. you know how EASY it is for you to get $50????!!?!?!?!?!

just hold off buying stupid clothes and shoes and purses for a week. small price to pay for saving somebody Thousands of Hours of Suffering.

you and i should probably listen to this song 3 times every day. quite possibly the single most POWERFUL song ever written.

music by dougie maclean who is not the composer of the film score, who is trevor jones, who took the dougie maclean song and integrated it into the score.

heh i think uncle bern should get a wife but i have bought his book as a way of supporting him. i wish i could have bought it from him directly. he is a good, principled man who i have admired for years. apparently he tells some personal anecdotes about his relships with women in this one, so thats worth the price of admission for me.

it was either that or donate to his paypal or patreon. which i still might do.

https://disenchantedscholar.wordpress [dot] com/2016/03/01/the-real-millennial-woes-student-debt-homeless-priced-out-of-parenthood-and-no-pension/

(doesnt have anything to do with the guy MW, a good article and blog nonetheless)

heh. so i took the plunge and joined patreon so i can pledge 1.67$ to millennial woes per month ($20 per year hehe)

and $1 to uncle bern per month. in the past i would have given him moar. i will give him more if he becomes a huhwhyte nationalist or has children hahahahaha. but he does deserve to quit his damn soul crushing school job and become a Content Creator Fulltime.

2 years ago i emailed him and asked him if i could donate to him. he said no thank you i really dont want to do that. i said hey im happy to donate but you do what you want. well hes changed his mind in the past 2 years and i can’t blame him. he produces great stuff and deserves to quit his damn stupid job. and we SHOULD pay him for sacrificing his personal time to make great videos and podcasts. its not a donation, its paying for a valuable service hehehehe. he’s given me hours of education and enjoyment so why SHOULDNT i give him some money. he apparently has begun to understand that concept.  maybe when he quits his job he will reveal that he knows all about the JQ.

i also see it as whites helping whites hahahahah. i wouldnt donate to a nonwhite.

anyway that disgruntled scholar or whatever i linked above points out a very important point that was interestingly enough quoted from a jooish guardian article: that 27 year old millennials in 2016 are bitter and butthurt because they think about their boomer parents when THEY were 27 and how they already had a HOME and CHILDREN. it is very sad to get old enough that you WANT children, and then realize you CANT AFFORD THEM. and that you cant afford to own a home that isnt in a violent nonwhite crime ghetto. and you might not even be able to afford that. buy a home in midtown oakland or gary hahahaha or newark. the ghettoest ghetto of new orleans.

why would you ever want children? then you cant enjoy life experiences and tinder hookups and travel. why would you want to own a home when you cant rent an apt with 10 roomates when youre 30? and those black ghettos are only violent because of a cycle of poverty adn institutional racism created by WHITE PEOPLE. you SHOULD live there so you can reap what you sow. SEE THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS, hahahahahaha.

i thought i was all about that hahaha.

cereal

hehehehe one of the best gifs i have seen in months. if you are in a bad mood watching this could probably still be guaranteed to make you laugh.

cereal-bowl-mouth

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

cereal-bowl-mouth  cereal-bowl-mouth cereal-bowl-mouth

so classic. i bet that man has had 1,488,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times more secs and cuddling and making out that i have hahahahahahaha.

ok i should have a smaller version of the moving gif too

cereal cereal cereal

bretty kewl amirite hahahahahahaha

cerealcerealcerealcerealcereal

now is there something actually pornographic about this, or do i think that just because my brain has been thoroughly pornified by jooz?

i wish i could see this, and really the whole world, and WOMEN, through the eyes of an innocent who had never seen the thousands of hours of PORN I have watched. it really warps your damn mind.

i mean i havent watched it seriously in a YEAR and i still feel the effects.

and how many guys have not watched porn in a YEAR. like less than 1% hahahahahaha.

well thats pessimistic. maybe 10% hahaha. NOT ALL MEN WATCH PORN!!!!!!!!

i think he must have some kind of plastic ring in his mouth to be able to hold it open in that weird shape.

oh those stupid WHITE frat boys. these white males are the stupidest jackasses on the planet.

wearing warm Kodiak Heat Socks from walmart, they are warmer than regular socks. but its not super cold out there. it Feels Like 28 degrees, ok thats kinda cold, but not man cold.

well people in fookin williston north dakota probably get their cold weather socks at walmart too hahahaha so i am as getting as good as they are. WALMART.

if you cant get it at walmart, it isnt worth buying hahahahaha.

 

SHE LITERALLY HAS A PHD IN CASUAL SECS

1123

shit. had a big long dream all about THAT PERSON. not what i needed! i cant even remember exactly what it was about but it was long and there was lots of her. she was giving me videos of herself. i wasnt sure if they were supposed to be sex videos. one showed her in bed with another guy but they werent having secs, but it was safe to assume that there would eventually be some secs in one of these videos if thats how it was starting out. the videos told the dramatic story of her troubled life and showed her in many different phases: fat, skinny, long hair, short hair, hair with many colors.

the dream portrayed her as more slutty and more troubled than she actually was. and she was not the type to make videos. and she never went through many phases. she was never fat, she always had the same kind of hair, she never got with many guys and made videos with them. i liked that about her. she seemed impervious largely to the negative influences of the outside world, and could stay the course, was not always bouncing around from one thing to another. steady, straight and narrow. all good qualities that endeared me greatly to her. so yeah the dream did not show her as she really was, or even as i knew her. so that was weird.

took a different approach at the fatness yesterday. ive been trying to do 8 miles at a time, doing about a 17 minute mile which is abotu 3.5 mph, believe me my preferred pace is 2.8 or so.

basically i was trying to get it so that 1 mile burned 100 calories, by watching the calories and distance meters, and then every 10 minutes, bringing up the pace to 5.5 mph for 2 minutes to get in 20% jogging hahahaha.

but i didnt like jogging for more than 2 minutes at a time.

the jogging would build up a “buffer” where my calories were greater than my distance, and i could “afford” to go back to 3 mph again, which i gladly did.

then yesterday i began thinking HEART RATE was more important than what it said for calories.

http://www.builtlean.com/2013/04/01/fat-burning-zone-myth/

heh well this disproves that.

anyway. what i actually experienced was:

i found that walkng steadily at 3.5 kept my heart rate at 120 (there are little sensors you put your hands on to measure your heart rate.).

https://blog.underarmour.com/fitness/fitness-advice-guides/the-fat-burning-zone-myth-explained/

hehehehe

anyway i tried to keep it at 120 constant, which for me is about 3.5 mph. of course running at like 6 or 7 mph can get me up to like 170 quickly hahahaha.

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=134796761

hmmm looks like this is  a huge controversy hahaaha.

anyway “jogging” is for phaggots, i would rather Run for 1 minute than jog for 2 minutes, then walk at a “leisurely stroll with aunt susie” for 80-90% of the time hahahahaha.

anyway when i tried to keep it at a constant 120 that was a higher heart rate than what i usually like, like 110 hahahaha. i also found this seemed to “feel” like i was working harder, more sweating hahahaha, possibly better sleeping. that is, i sleep more solidly, but still had vivid dreams featuring THAT PERSON, or at least a weird version of THAT PERSON.

well even if it was a fictional version of THAT PERSON, the nonfictional version was not much better.

she was “weird” because she was not promiscuous, she was “stay the course” and not bouncing around from thing to thing, trend to trend, belief to belief, chad to chad. I liked this consistency and stability. its stupid when people radically reinvent themselves every few months.

maybe it means she seems she is going through her first big radical change now? by kickign me out of her life? is she really changing into a Party Slut Successful Career Woman though? i will never know. well except when i see her on the rise in linkedin hahahaha.

it just really really hurts to be rejected by someone who was so very important to you. it is kinda worse than a death, because they are kicking you out of their life, with extreme prejudice. they are saying I DONT WANT YOU AROUND ANY MORE. when someone dies, they dont do that. its less of a blatant rejection. its not them saying, my life is better without you in it. and thats exactly what she told me and it ruined my year hahahaha. well it ruined prob at least 2 years cuz now i gotta deal with this job bullshit. all my confidence is gone and you need confidence to get and keep jobs.

fook. i hate that she was a decent person who i honestly respected and admired. a solid legit above board person, a good decent person you could trust. a person i wanted to keep in my life for a long time. this is why i eventually fell in luv with her. and then she said get out of my life, i never want to see you again, i hate you for getting feelings for me and being so weird about it.

and she accepted me for who i was, which so few women would do. she was willing to be my friend, get to know me, spend time with me. she never USED to be full of excuses why she couldnt hang out. until she was. because she had read my signals and didnt WANT to hang out with me, if i had different feelings.

maybe she viewed that as somone asking something of her which she couldnt do.  well she didnt have to like me, she just had to write me an email!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or something like that.

she never wore makeup or go tanning. the worst she would do is very very light like eye shadow makeup once in a great while, and not that crusty face paint garbage that makes their face look like crusty tan plastic. do they think alpha men find this sexy? i find it disgusting. im not an alpha male tho hahahaha.

i havent watched a movie in MONTHS, its just not enjoyable. or tv shows really. like i dont give a shit about game of thrones or house of cards or even supposedly highbrow stuff. or lowbrow stuff.

stupid. but women get into these phases of IM NOT TALKING TO YOU. WERE NOT TALKING ANYMORE. unfooking believable.

so what do you do to snap them out of that? do you leave them alone and hope they contact you? do you Persist and Push? i have actually done BOTH now, and neither has worked. maybe because I Pushed first, then left them alone second. maybe you have to leave them alone FIRST, then PUSH, second.

i was thinking about drugs that give you confidence, and cocaine has a reputation for that. i have never tried cocaine or any upper really, the worst i had was i took an adderrall recreationally 10 years ago once hahahaha. but no coke, no crack, meth, anything.

how different are crack and meth?

like having a hit of CRACK before you start your shift so you sound more confident and awake to your clients/customers/callers. sound more normal and extraverted. how ridiculous would THAT be.

but yeah i still want to contact her.

she might eventually respond to me, but would it be GOOD for me? see what happened in late 2004 when i did something like this. i reestablished contact with the woman, but we didnt rekindle anything, and it just produced MORE PAIN. cuz i got my hopes up again and she was not willing to rekindle. she had moved on. blatantly fooking other guys like it was nothing. hey thats why they make the pill.

i felt comfortable, at home with her; like i could just be myself. not like i was always trying to impress or put on a show or mask. and then i got feelings for her and felt more of that pressure to COMPETE and IMPRESS her. but before things went bad i still felt very comfortable and at home with her, i just wanted to cuddle and make out with her now. anyway that level of comfort i had never had before and its hard to give up.

I Lost Somebody that was very important to me! of COURSE it hurts!

it was made Doubly painful because they Harshly Kicked Me out of their life.

heh whenever we had a “decent” chat at our job i would email it to myself for future reference. now i went and deleted all those in july so i dont have anymore “snapshots” of “how things were” during like jan thru april.  i recall we did have some talks which i thought were good. but nothing that really got right down to the root, ie talking about feelings.

i feel she DID KINDA lead me on a LITTLE because she said oh yeah we WILL hang out at SOME point, just not this weekend.

ok i hate to bug you but can we please hang out next month? tell me well hang out next month and i wont bother you any more this month.

yes of course we will hang out soon.

oh yay thank u muh one true luv.

but yeah, so it was on me to realize i was deluded in believing her when she said we’ll hang out soon…..but you can see why i wanted to beleive it!

also, she didnt HAVE to say that! she could have said no, i dont think we should hang out any more. but no, it was always: yes we’ll hang out soon, yes we’ll hang out soon. so YES she DOES bear some responsibility for that, for saying those things with did lead me on.

but yeah i hadnt been that CLOSE to a woman since i had some female friends in 2005, 2006, 2007. ANNNNDDD i got special feelings for That person, which made me feel even closer. (i didnt get the special feelings for those older female friends.)

(then there were the women i got special feelings for, but was NEVER really close with them, so the closeness was ALL in my head and solely due to those feelings.)

but with That Person, the closeness WAS real, it WAS mutual for a long time. and it hurts to lose that. and i wish i knew how she felt about it all.

well she’s probably glad to be rid of a pathetic loser like me, who was sneaking around trying to manipulate her into having secs with me, right? hahahahaha.

and i wish i could get it through to her that IT WASNT LIKE THAT!!!!!!! that stupid niceguy narrative put forth by journalists. thats not what i am!!!!!!

i just especially hate that Niceguy Narrative, and I HATE that someone could be mad at me because they thought THAT’s what i was, and they arent giving me a chance to explain myself!

i didnt just want her to explain herself, i wanted to explain myself too!

also i liked that she was Not Super Girly in the sense of makeup, chads, talking like an idiot, tanning, clothes, fashion, shoes, boots, makeup. she was a real person who didnt care about that shit. but she was also not asexual and unfeminine. she possessed feminine warmth and caring; and clearly was willing and able to give it to Carefully Chosen and Vetted men. and i yearned to be one of those.

but i dont think she vetted the second guy well enough because he cheated on her VERY quickly.

but she responded well by dumping him immediately rather than desperately trying to win him back.

but i think shes still not over him.

shit shes probably not still over the first guy yet. i think she wanted to work things out with him, but he didnt. kinda like what happened with me and her hahahaha. so it is very painful when you want to work something out with a person, but they don’t, they just want to leave you. very painful.

but i dont know the full story there, we didnt talk too much about That Breakup, well i figured it was a sensitive subject and i didnt want to talk about it At Work.

it was hard to talk about ANYTHING at work because our work was so mentally demanding. well MY WORK was anything. i GUESS i could have had in depth important conversations over the work chat by slowly asking deeper and deeper questiosn over the course of the day. im sure other people did that.

well SORRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYY for not working the work chat as best as I could, and for preferring to talk in person, in a relaxed setting, rather than have a god damn 9 hour long WORK CHAT. fooooooooook.

or high heels. i never saw her wear high heels. i liked that.

or any super slutty clothing that showed her ass or bosoms.

she would wear Mom/Dad Jeans and nothing too tight.

oh god i miss her hahahahahaha wawawawawawawaw

she was kind of poor and she was very prudent with money, meaning she didnt spend $100 to buy slutty clothes and shit like that.

i liked the way she dressed when i really dont like the way many women dress, it is either too slutty or indicates that they want too much damn attention, its flashy and expensive and gaudy.

even if i met a new good woman tomorrow, i am still gonna be EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE for a LONG time! because i still want HER back! i know it wont happen, but that wont stop me from WANTING it! so really all i can do is let it run its course i guess. and pine for her hahahaha.

slut phd gives tedx talk encouraging women to be sluts hahahaha im sure ive posted this before but read the comments too, most of the comments are pro casual sex, disgusting degens.

i dunno. i just want a woman who doesnt LIKE casual sex, AND who hasnt already gone through her Casual Sex PHASE and THATS why she doesnt like casual sex any more, because shes gotten it out of her system, rode the c carousel, and is probably jaded wiht the 1000 C Stare hahahahaha.

heh i have been making coffee with 6 scoops instead of 8 and it is still killing my stomach and guts and making me poop 90000000 times a day. better go down to 5 scoops i guess!

wawawawawa i knew her for a while……then i stopped knowing her, because she didnt want me to know her any more! because she didnt like that i now liked her.

oh well life goes on, and you go on being emotionally unavailable because you always want so and so back. that person. and you are never available for a new, better person.

she likes to walk in the park! i like to walk in the park! i wish we could have walked in the park together. i walked with her in the park once and only once. that was before i was officially in luv with her. but after that, my feelings began changing. soon after…..i was in luv. and then i really wanted to hang out with her, go walk in the park, just hang out and talk and spend time. but it never happened again.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0073370185/ref=olp_product_details?ie=UTF8&me=

heres a college textbook by phds miller and perlman, intimate relationships, can get for 1 cent + 4 $ shipping. looking for a free pdf hahahahaha and skipping to the chapter about Rels Ending.

http://www.pdf-archive.com/2013/10/13/intimate-relationships-by-rowland-miller-6th-edition/intimate-relationships-by-rowland-miller-6th-edition.pdf

BOOM.

CHAPTER 13: The Dissolution and loss of Relationships

read it and never stop weeping hahahaha

Our forecasts of our emotional responses to
events are often in error (Wilson & Gilbert, 2005). In this case, though, the
wrongful predictions offer some hopeful news: As awful as they often are, the
average breakup doesn’t hurt as much as we think it will.
Of course, some breakups are worse than others. It’s generally harder to
be rejected than to do the rejecting (Perilloux & Buss, 2008), especially if one
already has low self-esteem (Waller & MacDonald, 2010). In addition, anyone
who mopes and dwells on what they’ve lost and how lousy they feel during
a breakup is likely to have a hard time; rumination prolongs our distress,
whereas reflection-seeking meaning in our experiences and looking to learn
from them-is associated with positive adjustment and recovery (Saffrey
& Ehrenberg, 2007). But people with insecure styles of attachment who are
416 c.·uAPrDC 13: Thl’ Dis.solution “nd Loss of Rtldtionsh1ps
anx_ious about abandonment are particularly likely to have trouble mentally
letting go. They remain preoccupied with the ex-partner (and are especially
upset at the thought of him or her with someone new), so they remain sadder
longer than others do (Sbarra, 2006). (To get their minds off their ex-partners, they ~hould start browsing dating sites to see who else is out there; anxious
people ddach more easily from a failed relationship when they set their sights
on someone new [Spielmann et al., 2009].) People with secure attachment stvles
fare better after breakups. They brood less, so they’re less likely to stay angry.
They’re also more likely to accept the finality of the relationship’s end, so they
start healing and recover from sadness sooner (Sbarra, 2006).

oh god

TABLE 8.3. The Short Form of the Passionate Love Scale
This questionnaire asks you to describe how you feel when you are passionately in
love. Please think of the person whom you love most passionately right nor”· Keep this
person in mind as you complete this questionnaire.
Answer each item using this scale:
Not at all
true
3 4
Moderately
true
1. I would feel deep despair ii __ left me.
Definitely
true
2. Sometimes I feel I can’t control my thoughts; they are obsessively on __ .
3. I feel happy when I am doing something to make __ happy.
4. I would rather be with __ than anyone else.
5. I’d get jealous if I thought __ was foiling in love with someone else.
6. I yearn to know all about __ .
7. I want __ physically, emotionally, mentally.
8. I have an endless appetite for affection from __ .
9. For me, __ is the perfect romantic p.11tncr.
10. I sense my body responding when __ toucht:’s ml’.
11. <1lways seems to be on m\ mind
12. I want __ to know me-my thoughts, my fears, and my hopes.
13. I eagerly look for signs indicating __ ‘s desire for me.
14. I possess a powerful attraction for __ .
15. I get extremely depressed when things don’t go right in my relationship
with
Higher scores on the PLS indic.att:’ grt:’Jtcr passion.1te lo\’c. Across all 15 itl’ms. the
average rating per itcm-.1dd up all your. ratings an~ di\’idc ~y 15–fo.r bo~h men and
women is 7.15. If your average is 9 (the highest possible), you re expencncmg more
passionate love than most people, .md if your avcr.1ge i.s 5.25 or lower, you’re e~pt:’riencing
less.
Saurc1•·Halflt’f.lt•Sf’rrtl1rr. IQ,I/,.

ok kinda shitty copy and paste. super shitty. i was c&p’ing from a pdf and the pdf was obvious a fuzzy xeroxing.

perhaps we BOTH have INSECURE ATTACHMENT STYLES. i can see that

great book, i should really buy it.

yep https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201307/how-your-attachment-style-impacts-your-relationship

i was Anxious Preoccupied, and she was Dismissive Avoidant. Both are Insecure aka unhealthy Attachment styles.

soooo how do you go from insecure to secure attachment? why do i have insecure attachment? i had a good home life growing up. noone abandoned or abused me!!!!!!

http://casualsexproject.com/

http://zhanavrangalova.com/

dr zhana runs the casual sex project hahahaha and she is around the same age as me lol

i dunno maybe i would be into being promiscuous and open rels, as long as i didnt get damn rejected all the damn time!

maybe its only because i get rejected all the time, is the reason i THINK i hate open rels and promiscuity, becuase they will lead to ME being dumped, cheated on, rejected.

but what if I were experiencing all the benefits? secs with multiple people, secs whenever i wanted? then i probably wouldnt be complaining as much.

like if i had 2 or 3 attractive young women i cuold get secs with, if one were unavailable, just pick another. wouldnt even need it every day. if i were working, i would only want it once or twice a week hahahaha.

i hate these tattooed phaggots that wear shirts that say TATTOOED AND EMPLOYED, to Fight The Stigma of tat covered freaks being unemployable losers. meanwhile i hate tattoos and have no tats and these tatted up losers are making more money than i ever will hahahaha.

sure i am jelly of them having jobs and beign successful in life and im not. doesnt mean i secretly want tattoos. i think they are dumb and its a big turnoff when women have them.

of course THAT PERSON did not have any. wawawawawawaw i miss her, i want her back.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/strictly-casual

“dr” zhanas sex blog hahahaha

shit i would kinda hate getting back in contact with her, IF she wanted to be Just Friends again.

bbbbbut then i would be able to finally have A Talk with her and say yeah i dunno but i still like u tho, and she would finally TALK about it and say sorry cant do that and that would give me the CLOSURE i want?????? fook that.

well i would know she didnt hate me at least. but i would still be rejected.

heh. when i think about other women, i am reminded of how i dont WANT other women, i want HER wawawawawa.

say what you will but i eventually communicated openly with her by writing her long emails which, if she took the time to read them, would explain a lot about my position. and she could have responded. but she didnt.

so yeah. maybe i dont hate promiscuity, and that if i had the opportunity to be promiscuous with several women, i wouldnt hate it.

but i wouldnt want to have a monog rel with a woman who want to have a nonmonog rel!

but i dont like the leftist degens that nonmonog is heavily associated with.

can you be a Reactionary Traditionalist Nonmonog?

well yeah cuz youre a neoreactionary. and a man having several wives is more traditional than women Sleeping Around.

“Dr” Zhana has a PHD IN CASUAL SEX. literally.

yeah, IDEALLY, I know what i want, and that is a traditional monog one man one woman closed long term rel with a decent women where i have feelings like i had for THAT PERSON. but now i need to let those feelings die, and then find a new decent person, AND make sure they are Available, and then plug THEM into that role.

it IS a lot of work and a HUGE investment. almost like a woman having a baby!

it takes a long time for the feelings to come on, and it takes a while for the feelings to fade!

it took 2 years for the feelings to start, maybe it will take 2 years to fade.

damn.

 

START DOING VOICE RECORDINGS

june 25

today i learned that russian composer tchaikovsky was very likely a homosexual hehehe.

why should that be so surprising. all artists and musicians and actors and writers and painters and ARTISTS are homosexual hehehe.

anyway i am trying to find “the best” version of the divine liturgy of st john chrysostom. tchaikovsky and rachmaninoff were the major ones but rimsky korsakoff also had one.

look up znamenny chant

oh here we go, pretty good.

i am basically looking for something as old skool as possible, and very russian. old and russian.

no offense to the greeks who also do something similar with their orthodox chant. in fact i thought orthodoxy was invented in greece. or turkey. hehehe. does that mean it’s not european? hehehehehehehehehehehehe. huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh.

right here. right here. THIS is the one. boom. done. THIS is what i have been looking for. it seems like a smaller group (someone said its just 4 guys) and you can hear all of their voices very clearly to create spine chilling harmonies. YES.

if roman catholics want more people in church they should do stuff like this!

god damn. i think it is just because it’s 4 or 5 monks rather than 10 or 20. sounds very intimate. me rikey a LOT.

have listened to some of the other valaam monastery stuff and it’s a much larger group.

are you kidding? i was nearly brought to tears, and i have never heard these songs before. maybe also it is reading the comments where they are thanking GOD and praying.

not sure if this counts as znamenny though. at this point i don’t care.

anyway it is interesting that a small choir would sound better than a big choir. but i was amazed.

4 person male choir. no barbershop sh1t.

album of the year 2014 right here. that green one. chantz from valaam.

valaam is a large island in an even larger lake, supposedly the largest lake in europe (not to be confused with the black SEA) which is near st petersburg, ie rather close to finland as well. it is rumored that PUTIN has a DACHA on this island but it is very secret.

thats it. im gonna start writing MUSIC again. inspired by these men of GOD.

renting a car might be the cheapest way to travel. i looked into an amtrak train and it was NOT that much cheaper than a PLANE.

how many female scientists (ie hard science phds or at least masterz, who are geekily, autistically, masculinely interested in Hard Science) are also Social Justice Warrior Feminist Leftist Marxists?

heh. i am reading a blog by a Biology PhD candidate by a young marxist feminist woman who is 90% obsessed with her field of butterflies and ecology and stuff, and 10% social justice warrior claptrap.

see i thought hard scientists were less leftist. unless: biology isn’t really too hard of a science; or women are more leftist than men (which is true; at least young single women are); or it’s just her, and most women in biology aren’t this bad.

or, most likely, i am just jealous and bitter of phd academics because i blew my chance at being one by getting bad grades and bad extracurriculars.

because i want the work environment of intelligent phds and cocktail parties and fresh cute young gurl college students every year. hehehe.

and saying, my JOB is me being a PHD, which proves I’m SMARTER than 99% of people.

less than 1 out of 100 people is a phd! heck, prob 1 out of 1000!

so i could pull a wife to watch foreign movies with and drive a volvo and shop at whole foods and send my kids to progressive schools and live in a progressive university town with a bunch of old hippies and cute young gurls and elites hehehe.

bad reasons, son!

especially since i don’t agree with Progressive Politics.

however those cities can be Safe, Low Crime, No Ghetto, Walkable, and Fun, with plenty of Culture and Parks and Museums and Music and Nightlife and such. with increasing home and land values. who wouldn’t want to live there. including right wing nutjobs like moi.

june 26

i never listened to much fugazi but i should probably start. i really like the “integrity” of musicians who can be approached by The Mainstream and offered millions of dollars, and then just turn it down. not many people can say they did that. i would probably take the money!

also i did not know about their huge set of live recordings. i bet that was a wild live show.

lets see. had a weird dream lsat night with girl2. hey now. in it i guess she was dead (!!!) but was a ghost where only i and a few others could see her. she was young as I remembered her, heh near 18, rather than much older as she is now. i always like that youthful young aspect of her, of a young girl vs an old woman.

but we couldn’t go out because she was a ghost and i was alive and it just didn’t work that way.

might be a great corny young adult novel movie!

did a few moar voice recordings yesterday while driving. it was a shorter drive, and also it is hard to focus on your talks when you have to focus on the road. so might get best talks while sitting in parked car somewhere. but it is still fun and great and awesome and a great idea and i plan on doing a lot more.

yep. you should start doing voice recordings too. then listen to them. and think of ways you can become a better speaker. you don’t need to talk to other people to do this. in fact it is by yourself where you can build the confidence to be a good speaker with other people. people that matter, like frands, employers, and b1tches. DO IT. it is the best thing i’ve done in weeks.