WHEN YOU WANT IT DONE FAST *AND* RIGHT

april 5

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/women-running-5-dollar-tinder-scam-judenpresse-praises-them-as-heroes/96454

this guy eric striker i know ive liked some of his articles before. but this is a new low ahaha. i used to think my great business idea was to pay normie, non-hooker women to hang out with you and pretend to be interested in you. hangout hookers or hug hookers or cuddle hookers. pay 50 bucks for 15 minutes of cuddling, that kind of thing, to get kind of a GFE from a woman who was not an ACTUAL hooker.

so whats happening now is that normie, nonhooker, 20 year tinder slut college gurls are just saying send me 5 bucks and see what happens.

NOTHING. its actually pretty smart but TOTALLY jooish. of course men will pay for any hint of a woman and here we have a young attractive gurl who actually is taking advantage of that. she is getting hundreds of dollars a week from one slutty picture. DAMN.

you could probably also shake your CLOTHED tits and ass on camera and make a few hundred a week doing that. its kinda less slutty than actually fooking the guy or showing your tits. but it is very very very jooish and i wouldnt want a wife who did any of that shit.

im not even paying attention to the news. apparently trvmp is cucking and selling out to his joo kushner hahahah. and jooing over god emperor bannon. bannon kicked off security council. trvmp cucking to israel so they can use isis to take over syria and grab more land for israel hahaha.

i dont understand why israel just cant like take over a yuge part of syria right now and without the US’s involvement. i mean they are rich and they have bombz.

something about syrian gas attack, assad gassing children, and now trump needs to support israel in attacking assad and liberating syria or some shit

what if the US goes into syria and wipes out assad AND isis?  would that be ok? well i think actually assad is super dangerous because he is a legit threat to israel. kind of.

ok so russia is backing assad…..

israel is backing isis…..

US is on the fence….

iran….backing assad???

saudi arabia….backing isis??? because saudis are a joo puppet?? i cant remember hahahaha

so ivanka aka “yael” is totally jooed and her and kushner are manipulating daddy into war with russian and iran. that is the idea. and make shitloads of money off that war.

heh. well iran is pretty useless but it would be heartbreaking to go to war with RUSSIA. no more wars with whites. but i thought russia was jooed too?

there is a new guy on DS claiming to be a Washington Insider who worked to get Trvmp in, and is now feeling betrayed by stuff thats going on right now in that vein. nationalists like bannon on the way out, zionists and neocohens like kushner on the way up.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/bannon-kicked-off-national-security-council-wtf-is-this-shit/96768/

this story. some black pilling shit here hahaha. havent been wathcing news.

havent been reading GLR!

so this is trump softening and selling out to the joo basically, letting us all down. i guess its not surprising and we should enjoy the good times while they lasted. well we did!

so yeah i guess today was a big day. i have not watched any MSM yet, only read daily stormer forums and a lot of action on these stories. not really a bad way to get news hahaha althoguth this news does not sound good from here.

jordan is on the side of the joos.

so ww3 is going to be us, israel, jordan, saudi?, the joo N, the E Joo, vs syria, russia, china, iran?

and russia is going fly nukes into the US? i guess thats the plan hahahaha.

basically i am seeing shit TURNING for the first real time today. i mean i need to sleep on this a few nights like i do with anything thats even a medium deal.

so kushner is controlling trvmp thru daddys little gurl. yeah i mean it makes sense. i always knew that was gonna be a Chink in the Armour.  just wasnt sure how or when it would play out.

some people are full blown the end is near, you need to be prepping with food and ammo and gunz cuz there will be blood in the streets in the US

sheeeeeeeeit i guess i will be sorry for not being serious about prepping.

george feels having drama with some autistic tomboy weight lifting gurl he liked. then some stupid shit happened and she talked shit about him, he possibly talked shit about her, i dont care, im on georges side here hahaha. i am slowly raising my bet on him hahahaha.

pretty sure i am too old to be drafted into war for ZOG hahaha.

but i wont be able to defend muh fambly from negros and arabs when the power goes out for a month and people cant get gas or electric or food. so nonwhite mobs will roam the streets with gunz and we will need to protect our homes and families with gunz.

unless these are jooish anti-trump SHILLS trying to turn people against trump hahahaha with joo lies i mean i wouldnt be surpirsed by that either

whatever it is, i am certain the j’s are behind it. prove me fookin wrong.

some might think i am a J because I am so vehmently anti-j hahahaha. there’s really i can say to that except to tell you one of my best qualities is my GOOD FAITH. you can trust me to come in good faith and tell you what i believe is the truth. i might not be courageous to stand up for the truth though! but i come in good faith 99.99999999% of the time.

im not even RIGHT all of the time. but i will in good faith admit when i am wrong. shit i am wrong about 50% of things. and the other 50% of times, i just confused and Just Dont Know.

But I do know that I am right about these J’s. they have to go back.

Esp funny, since the vast majority of Actual Joos I’ve met in my life have been pretty much decent people. even the slutty leftist jooish women. they weren’t Evil People. I don’t THINK.

But the Joos as a WHOLE GROUP, have caused so much damage it cant be denied.

h0l0c0st denier? how about h0l0c0st TRUTH denier HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

most of the individual jooz i’ve met have been ok-to-pretty-darn-good people. but my problem is with the GROUP, not some individuals of the group, and their whole GROUP needs to go back. period. the good does not outweigh the bad.

they have turned our men into phaggots and our women into mudshark whores. they are a CANCER to our people. this has been going on for THOUSANDS of years in MANY different countries of goys.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/man-captures-images-of-jews-shape-shifting-in-and-out-of-their-white-disguise/96044

eric striker muh lad another great article hehehehe

THEY ADMIT IT THEMSELVES!!!! this is one thing that finally sold me. the PRETEND to be hwyte when they are apologizing for how evil and racist hwytes are, my fellow hwytes, you dont GET to tone police PoCs on the the systematic racism of police brutality……and then sooner or later, oy vey im jooish! and having pizza and wine for purim. oy vey! there are many atheist jews, its not just a religion! except when it is!

GLR is talking about this exact thing in WP on page 125 or so.  They are CONSTANTLY SHAPE SHIFTING and Shedding Skin whenever it suits them, between 3 main forms: a RELIGION, a RACE, and a NATION. we’re not this, we’re that! we’re not that, we’re this now!

you anti semite! you wouldnt say all catholics or all lutherans!

you anti semite! muh shoah, muh 6 gorillion!

the goddamn CHUTZPAH!!!!!!!!

HE CRIES OUT AS HE STRIKES YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that eric striker article above points this out brilliantly. curating some tweets from wagner clemente soto. who was following ME back in 2011 when i had a semi-political, semi-racial twitter. i was proto-alt-right in 2011 hahahahahahahhahahahahaha.

my fellow hwytes, we all benefit from hwyte privilege, and heres why, and we dont get to tone police and we dont get to tell PoCs how to feel bla bla bla bla. ALWAYS a joo! well….not always. I’ve seen actual hwyte people who talk like this. damn THOSE are SAD!

april 6

hmm still watching this twin peaks pilot. this is confusing af. i watched all of twin peaks once, all the way thru, one episode after the other, like 13 years ago.

shit i forgot about the race mixing with sheriff truman and the chinee bitch who had race mixed prior with the superrich capitalist mr packard. why do these powerful white men fall for this gold digging chinee skank?

theres some other degenerate stuff like laura palmers secret life, but thats not GLORIFIED like this race mixing. and the chinee woman is portrayed as all WISE and SERIOUS and PROFOUND and DEEP and important and respected and respectable. to be fair, she does have a low energy demeanor and is not all shrill……but marrying a superrich wood baron? come on. its obvious.

but yeah there is so much going on here. i dont remember ANY of this.

also i dont think its really fair to say good clean SMALL TOWN GOYIM are  THIS degenerate. youre WRONG about that DAVID LYNCH. sometimes people just ARE squeaky clean. I guess dale cooper and sheriff truman represent that. fine. i mean i can tell lynch APPRECIATES that nondegenness. i just think he appreciates the degen a little too much!

so am I against the lesbian shit in mulholland dr, one of muh fav movies of all time?

man. i can live with ditching woody allen, but i would be SAD about having to ditch dave lynch.

I really hope he doesnt joo out with the NEW twin peaks. that is the biggest thing he’s done in 10 years and it might be the last thing he ever does because he is getting OLD. i hope it isnt totally jooed. im sure it will be a LITTLE jooed because the ORIGINAL was a little jooed in 1990.

ok. had a dream last night with THAT WOMAN. i was talking to her and trying to get her to pay attention to me but she was ignoring me. this kinda happened in real life too. i just really hated being ignored by her. i know how that sounds. makes me the bad guy who always NEEDS something. and yeah i WAS that a bit too much.

anyway in dream she turned around suddenly and snapped, “I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY hope you get the help you so desperately need for your ANXIETY ISSUES.” then turned immediately back around and resumed ignoring me.

that was interesting. it basically says, no i DONT really care, take your stupid ISSUES and leave me alone.

which i guess is prob what she WAS actually thinking.

at THAT time, I WAS filled with severe anxiety about everything! now, not so much, thank GOD. I’m doing OK with ANXIETY, thank GOD. but negative attitude is still RAAAAAAGING.

dream did not ruin day. her appearance was very very brief. nowhere NEAR as bad as the dream i had with her like 5 days ago.

but yeah lesson is, NEVER be passive agressive with women. they hate it, and you hate it too. just rip the band aid off and say what you wanna say and get it over with.

had fairly unproductive day.  because people aren’t expecting me to create/publish/deliver something every 20 minutes, i can get away with procrastinating on shit. tasks that i SHOULD BE doing, but i get STUCK like a deer in headlights and just start clicking tabs. I’m not even ENJOYING the procrastination. I WANT to be doing my task. it would HELP if somebody were ON MY ASS every 20 minutes saying, lemme see where you are at here. ok, this isn’t working, so you do this now.

when this is not how normie adults work! they are self-starting!

so now I gotta play CATCH UP over the weekend. and get to a point by monday that I feel  I SHOULD have gotten to today. and then some, as a show of good will. good faith. extra added value.

so yeah. i can see why ANYONE hate passive aggressive wimpy shit, and i only ever do it with women, not men, and i do it because i am SCARED to say whats REALLY on my mind. never again.

sucks to be so red pilled you cant even enjoy twin peaks any more! shit remember the MOVIE was een more degenerate! remember that david lynch is kinda a pervert that likes to show tits and ass!

so he’s always been kinda jooed, but its DISAPPOINTING because you know he’s a goy at heart.  and in many ways luvs his inner goy as he should. but he also needs to defoo the joo within, and i dont think he will, if he hasn’t by age 75 or however old he is. the new twin peaks will prob be jooed wtih plenty of tits, ass, and dark sleazy jooish degeneracy.

but it will DEF get lots of people talking about david lynch, prob the most they ever did since the LAST twin peaks 26 years ago. i mean REALLY. how many people saw inland empire, let alone people like me who saw it literally 10 times.

however there is no one else ever who has tapped into this Scary Dark place that Lynch has. it is very primordial and very very terrifying, i guess i like that sense of fear.

and joos live their lives that way and want us to too. to be thrown in that black jooish void of chaos, fear, terror, horror. perhaps lovecraft was also getting at this. and lovecraft def knew the deal with the J’s! could lynch maybe do a good lovecraft story? MAYBE. MAYBE. but i cant see lynch adapting other people (see dune) and i cant see lovecraft being made into a film. even a crazy lynch film.

but yeah. even in “squeaky clean” 1990 twin peaks, where 99.999999% of people are whyte except for the chinee and a few injuns, people dress like its 1950, they still all do degen shit like Cheating and Cocaine and Fornication.

High school kids that are 25 years old and cheating and fooking and doing coke! come on!

EVERYBODY is cheating on their husband or wife! I forgot about this aspect.

It’s nice that it shows women are dirty heartless bitches….but the men are no better! they are just as sleazy….and even STUPIDER.

COME ON DAVE!!!!!!

i mean its not like i didnt know what twin peaks WAS. and that it was like this 26 YEARS ago.

is The Subconscious Inherently Jooish? I don’t know. I don’t think so, even though a lot of jooish shit IS subconscious, like everything Freud talked about. your subconscious wants to fook your own mother. have your mother peg you with a strapon. jooish bullshit like that.

like your (((((((id)))))))) is at core, this jooish hideous thing ….. or at best, just a muh dick negro!

no theres a hwyte PERSPECTIVE on the subconscious, that you have this noble core, or maybe some kind of shared European Subconscious.

heh. i wish lynch would use his transcendental meditation to meditate more on THIS. on his hwyte soul. he obviously is getting into some very deep corners of the soul. just wish he could show more of the good hwyte parts.

so no I dont believe he is racially aware and I would love for him to be.

he’s always been one of muh favorite filmmakers. but so was woody allen. who ive since disavowed. i would not be so HAPPY about disavowing lynch because he’s far less jooish than allen.

another great example. harmony korine. he made two excellent movies, gummo and julien donkey boy. i have seen both many, many times. i guess you could say he is a more jooish form of lynch! when i was young i had no concept of korine being jooish. in fact, i bet he might not even be obsessed with his own jooishness!

but after you are redpilled, you cant help, why is this Actual Joo showing Goys in such pathetic, degenerate ways? the horrible destroyed, broken, twisted, jooed people of those two movies.

when you’re young you enjoy it because you were EDGY and i bet he felt the same way when he was young and MADE the movies!

i didnt keep up with his later stuff. i wanted to, but he was SO inactive and eventually i lost interest. “mister lonely” was ok but nothing classic.

i did watch some fassbinder on his recommendation, guess fassbinder was a big influence on him. and guess what, fassbinder is i THINK hwyte but he MIGHT AS WELL be J. wont lie, i liked some of his stuff though. i actually watched about 33% of berlin alexanderplatz and it was pretty good. i was only starting to get redpilled then. not sure how i would have viewed the nazi element of that movie.

oh shit he did that movie ali fear eats the soul which was totally degenerate: an old white woman falls in luv with a big black arab buck ali. i think he was a BERBER from MOROCCO.

or this other one where fassbinder essentially played himself, a degen phaggot hungry for c0ck.

see, fassbinder is nothing to GLORIFY.

and neither is korine. but i can’t deny that JDB, I watched that movie MANY times during my youth and it left a BIG impression. TOO big, probably.

i’ve more or less disavowed korine and doing so didnt disappoint me so much as if i had to disavow lynch, was what i was getting at.

but the location of twin peaks is GREAT. SUPER hwyte. you really want to BE there. i am looking at maps of washington state trying to find a town that is most like twin peaks.

interesting that lynch has made great work both in the Urban and more Rural settings. i of course thinks he needs to crush the urbanite parts of himself. less LA and more missoula montana man.

i hate to think that FILM ITSELF is INHERENTLY jooish……but it HAS been TAINTED by jooish influence since the VERY beginning.

i havent had much desire to watch tv or movies the past couple of YEARS. i just have shit on as background noise while i am neckbearding on internet. blogging about joos and failure and women. losing at poker. reading white power and 1489 stuff hahahah.

heh. took 1 benedryl and 1 valium already so…mind is getting cloudy and tired, cant BLOG too much hehe.

but yeah dont like that my WORK was compromised today because i was so scatterbrained and indecisive. i couldnt GET AWAY with this at a REAL job. i would be FIRED.

so now, for doing BAD today, i need to do an equal amount of GOOD, OFF the clock, to REPAY them, and to “save” myself and my job.

in the real world, you run ragged all day SLAMMED with work being super busy all day…..then you play CATCH UP at home and on weekends, doing MORE work so that you looks even more productive, and can me unreasonable standards and not get fired.

you dont get to relax and do things related to you or or family. you must nervously do MORE WORK to try to stop from getting sucked under in the undertow.

and you CERTAINLY dont get a whole day to SLACK OFF just clicking through a bunch of TABS and not really PRODUCING anything because youre just like well I DUNNO HOW TO DO THIS REALLY and now muh mind is going blank. maybe i should go on DISABILITY because MUH ISSUES have made me UNABLE TO WORK hahahahahahahaha.

there was one time IRL where that woman did turn and snap at me. i was whining like a beotch about a tuff day at the job hoping she would commiserate with me, that it was tuff for her to, and we could both bond over hating the job, and i sounded like a weak bitch, and she snapped LEAVE. PLEASE LEAVE. which was the most direct thing she ever said to me. i was shocked. i mean it totally makes sense, i totally understand why she did it.

and when our rel ended she essentially did the same thing but did not even say 2 words. but yeah that first time was like a prelude. i was hoping she would apologize for that but no i of course apologized LIKE A BITCH. STOP APOLOGIZING. NEVER APOLOGIZE. especially not out of weak desperation. i was in a pathetic, desperate, helpless, hopeless state. that is my excuse hahahaha. sometimes i GET really hopeless and desperate hahaha.

but yeah in that first snapping i was hoping for more sympathy, an apology, something that she was trying to see it from my side and not trying to be a bitch hahahaha. since i never got that, i feared she thought the worst of me when she really dumped me.

but yeah th edream wasnt that bad. i was much more frustrated by not being able to make any progress on my work. it was more like i was autistic because i couldnt visualize how the end product would look, so i could barely even muddle through on Just Doing Something until it Started To Look Like Something. i KNOW thats the best way to appoach this and I still didnt do it. was i scared? i was more distracted than SCARED. although i would have been just as unproductive if id been scared/anxious/nervous.

but yeah gonna sleep well tonight. still have 2 benedryls left to take haha. plenty of people at card table right now. too bad i am so tired. could literally go to sleep right now. it is start of muh weekend. muh longass nonnormie weekend.

well i CAN tell you that the MUSIC of twin peaks stands the test of time. great, great music. been listening to the soundtrack a lot in past few months, and i think there is some extra stuff in the actual show. and its all good. love every piece of music on there. no jooish bullshit. i had a surprising vision of Being In A Band and playing the “Mr Cool Theme” with them. this is the Cool Jazzy theme with the fingersnaps and what may be a marimba. i dont know what the official name of the song is.

but yeah all the boys are muh dick white negro jock chads fooking all the slutty staceys. except they are one upping the boys in evil, by getting some strange k0ch from pure evil satanic jooish outsiders from a primordial void hahaha. so yeah thats kind of nice seeing these evil women. but the men are degen and dumb. except for dale cooper. and sheriff truman except for his ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING YELLOW FEVER. goddamn that always rustles and triggers me. i cant recall any other yellow fever in lynch’s stuff, or any race mixing for that matter.

i dunno. i just dont think it ROTS THE SOUL to watch a basically good goy playing with some jooish degen, as it does to watch some hand rubbing merchants actively crafting the most degen shit they can because it projects their filthy souls and destroys goys souls.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/for-the-sake-of-all-that-is-good-female-sexual-choice-must-be-suppressed/96932

interesting

breaking news, trump firing 50 tomohawk missiles at syrian air base RIGHT NOW, it has BEGUN, trvmp starting a WAR FOR JOOZ.

the missiles could be fake news tho hahahaha

joo don rickles dead at 90 today

i guess the tomahawk thing is on live tv news right now. just looking at twitter. will turn news on in about 30 minutes, watch 5 minutes, then got to sleep haha.

so…..just to be clear. i mean i would probably support US going in and bombing the shit out of ISIS. but how many normies understand he’s not bombing isis, he’s bombing assad, who isis is fighting against? so technically we on isis’s side here. and i guess israel would rather have isis in power than assad. not sure how or why assad has been such a Strong Bulwark against Israel.

Because assad has made alliances with China, Russia and Iran?????

bbbbut wont Trumps BASE be against this? trump supporters arent gonna like this any more than hillary supporters! i just dont get it!

apr 7

john thicc

i dont know why, i just found this meme funny. probably because this new black text word THICC is so ridiculous. you text a white mudshark slut DAYUM GURL DAT AZZ THICC  😂 😂 😂 💯💯💯

and then beautiful dumb 25 year ol white gurls with no children bend their thicc azz over for your BBC and let you fook them and give them their first of many sprog bastards ahahahahaha

spent like 15 minutes trying to refind that meme on daily stormer bbs hehehehe.

the great WEEV has been moved to make a video on it. havent watched it yet but I guess he’s saying something like i would say: lets give a few more days and see how this plays out, maybe its 4D chess hhahahaha, although it looks really bad right now, like trvmp is selling out. lets give him one chance hahahaha.

got like 10:30 of sleep which seems to be “normal” for nonwork nights as opposed to around 7 hours when i am getting up at 5am. which I do not complain about. 5am is a RESPECTABLE time to get up and makes me more normie, more winner, sheeeit i SHOULD get up at 5am on non work days just to make me a better, hwyter man! its a very hwyte, principled, ubermensch, hyperborean time to get up! its when hard working men of action, men with hwyte wives and families get up, at the latest!

actually REAL ubermensches get up at 3 am. THREE AM.

im not even really GETTING up at 5am. at 5am my alarm rings and I just watch tv news from 5 to 5:30 and drink coffee and try to not fall back asleep hahaha. the time passes REALLY quickly. nrmally 30 minutes do not pass this fast.

GOT to do some errands today. might do to walmart and buy new blue pants. really LUV their GEORGE 12 dollar pants. have 2 pair already and they are both awesome. figure why not buy 1 more.

the pants are damn near perfect. they look kind of underwhelming but then look and fit great when you put them on. absolutely no buyers remorse ever here. thank GOD. i am tempted to just stock up in case they stop making these pants, so i can have replacements when they wear out.

heh. cable tv watchathon right now. they have the orig twin peaks series. wonder if they have netflix movies. i wonder if they have the turin goddamn horse hahahahaha

hmm i could watch my other fav movie mulholland drive right now. do not have turin horse. not really surprised there.

i am doing laundry so not totally neckbearding.

debating whether to get haircut today. i SHOULD but I might not.

trump thing is weird. now the JY Slimes is reporting how “far right white nationalists and the alt right” are turning against trump because these far right racists are anti-war hahahaha.

funny when the FAR RIGHT are antiwar! hahahaha.

well i think they always HAVE been. its only EVER been NEOCOHENS who ever WANTED war! quite literally, jooz start all the wars in the world! well, in the modern world at least. since world war 1 at least hahaha.

like i said, trump supporters dont support this move, hillary and bernie supporters dont support this move. you have to ask, who DOES support it?

WHO, INDEED. TO ASK THE QUESTION IS TO ANSWER IT.

I guess that might redpill normies.

i mean NO ONE is saying this is a great idea. the best you get is, lets sleep on it a few days and see if it might play out well in the world of 4d chess. which it might. this is kind of where I am at. if it leads to a pattern of jooish trick after jooish trick, WHICH IT WELL MIGHT, then we can officially disavow trump and weep bitter tears of butthurt.

sheeit laundry is done.

ok folded and put away white t shirts. whites load hahahaha. there is actually a russian hwyte power band called whites load hahahahahahaha.

its possible the average normie amerifat might think syria is synonymous with isis, so that this attack is a good thing, because its an attack against isis. i agree that WOULD prob be a good thing!

but syria is NOT isis! syria is basically assad and HE is AGAINST isis! he is also pro-russia, pro-iran, and very anti-israel.

but arent ISIS anti-israel too?  i think they THREATEN israel much less than assad though.

but doesnt isis threaten us in the increasingly non-whitening West becuase ALL the terror attacks in the west are isis related?

assad supports syrian christians against slaughter by isis.

its safe to say all trump supporters want to see isis destroyed.

what if trump destroyed both assad AND isis?

would there then be a “power vacuum” which israel/US would then fight russia/iran over?

so in other words, assad is the only thing preventing WORLD WAR 3, and the US directly attacked him?

if i were smart enough to get into HARVARD i might UNDERSTAND all of this. i could just be a black and write #blacklivesmatter 100 times on my application essay and get into harvard hahahahha.

i should be more worried about me being Frozen and Unproductive at muh job. i might not be fired but i would def be Frowned Upon and Shunned and perhaps try to be Pressured to Quit hahahaha. but wouldnt they then give me GOOD references, because they want me OUT?

ok im gonna go to walmart, just walmart. i have a gift card anyway. its gonna be full of blacks and arabs though!

maybe i should try going to the “better” walmart?

i mean i HAVE to spend this WALMART gift card at specifically WALMART.

what would JOHN THICC do hahahaha that is the stupidest shit i have ever seen.

lets just fookin GO and get this over with. ok i did another mini chore. done. tried to do another mini chore involving a phone call, called them, they were out to damn lunch. a phone call about health care billing, hahahah talk about a lose lose situation. basically i am paying for a doctors office visit for what I think is In Full at the time of the visit, then I get a bill from the Health System 2 months later saying I owe MORE, like a Lot more. this happens every time, and every time I call the dr’s office and they “clear it up.” something about the communication between the doctors office and the health care System Billing Dept. I dont know whose fault it is. THEY probably dont know whos fault it is. i mean it looks unprofessional on both of them imho but as long as i can make one phone call and not have to pull teeth and speak to managers…shit its exactly the type of phone call I would HATE getting and HATE explaining…..because there IS no explanation! situations normal – all fooked up! that’s the explanation!

god almighty i would never want to work in medical billing, can you even imagine how jooish and horrible that is? jooish insurance companies and jooish hospitals all trying to joo poor patients as much as possible in ridiculously confusing, jooish ways, and who does the billing but single mom mudsharks and 80 IQ blacks when it would take 120 IQ just to understand the jooish complexities of this needlessly complex billing!

heh. get a masters degree in medical billing. that job might even be in demand. you might even make 18 bucks an hour with that one!

listen man i can do some calculus integrals and some CompSci 202 level coding, but i cant do basic bitch 11 dollar an hour medical billing and insurance questions! those are CONFUSING AF!!!!!!! the people taking those calls all day should be making at LEAST 18 dollars an hour, if not 20 hahaha.

call the doctors office, they said the billers werent in on fridays and to plz call back monday. HUH????? ok fine.

i have noticed a Pain Point for your business hahaha. I would solve it by having a Student Intern take billing phone calls on fridays for FREE hahahahaha. or, hire a negro or mudshark for 9 dollars an hour and have them be totally incompetent hahaha.

i just feel SORRY for these low level employees who arent TRAINED properly. there is a local political controversy where this elected official’s office is in total disarray, and all the new employees under them have no idea what they are doing. they are all young, poor, blacks making 11 dollars an hour, prob part time no benefits, and customers write to the local paper saying the Help Is Incompetent, nobody knows what they are doing, nobody is trained, what used to take you 5 minutes under the previous administration now takes an hour, its disgraceful.

i sympathize with the poor slobs on the frontlines trying to help people with their confusing questions! they are probably going to ask for a manager, but the manager is out to a looooooong lunch with crooked italian contractors getting drunk at the titty bar!

well at least italians are hwyte hahahahahahha. but these are the very sicilian nonwhyte arab looking italians always hhahaha. no thank you!

the sad thing is i know i applied for like 3 jobs in this department. it was prob a revolving door of people quitting or getting fired because the management is SO BAD it has become a PUBLIC SCANDAL in the local news.

well a lot of the people are unfirable, union tho.

its confusing. hire a 80 IQ negro to splain it to me for 9 dollars an hour hahaha.

see what i mean? TRAINING. I think even 80 iq people could do this if TRAINED properly. also, 120 people are still going to struggle if they dont have the correct INFORMATION to do the job. PLUS, its hard even for SMART people to answer Tuff Problems if they are being Pressured by Angry Assholes to work faster, do better.

they dont prepare you for this in skool or college and they should.

Hire ME. when you want it done fast AND done right. it doesnt matter what it is.

that is gonna be my new calling card. I do things fast AND right. everything.

ok got back from WALMART. i am happy to have accomplished something today. do one thing every day hahahaha. the place was absolutey FULL of blacks. some arabs but even more blacks. to the store managers credit, the store LOOKED just fine. clean and organized. got some great 12 dollar george pants, the best pants ever. again these pants are so good i should buy EXTRA. its HARD to find good pants let along GREAT pants. also found nice Faded Glory T Shirt with stripes on it. i like T shirts with some sort of design like stripes on it. this is remarkably hard to find.

did a first and bought the walmart brand BEEF. 80 20. i was wary but the beef looked all right. it was all in 2.25 pound packs for…. 6.94 each.  this is 3.08 per pound. not bad. with this I will make juicy 3 oz meatballs hahahaha and with those make THICC meatball burgers hahahaha.

😂  👌👌👌

fookin BLAX hhahaha. BLACK MEMES are essentially what these are. emojis. ebonics in text form.

used up my gift card at walmart. place was so full of blacks. i survived but my god the customers. the people of walmart. made me want to try another walmart next time.

my usual store is a supermarket like walmart but its generally hwyter, definitely better PEOPLE there. going to the closest walmart is like going to baltimore or some shit hahahaha. i am thankful my immediate area and my local supermarket are largely still hwyte. i care about these things. i am racially aware hahahahah.

the other thing that sucks about walmart is that they dont have small hand baskets like i usually use. today they didnt even have the small pushcarts, just the large pushcarts. so i had to grab everything and hold it in muh bare bear arms hahahaha.

heh what the hell is the “deep state”. seeing this term being thrown around a lot. probably just means the jooz like kushner controlling trump hahahaha.

globalists. well i mean thats a good way to describe da jooz. so i am all for people talking about the evil globalists! i mean the term has gone mainstream!

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/an-extremely-unfortunate-turn-of-events/97362

anglin’s semi official statement on the syrian thing

http://www.dailystormer.com/duke-striker-on-the-jewish-elites-role-in-the-usa-drug-epidemic/

looks like eric striker who wrote that EXCELLENT article on the opioid epidemic and a number of other great articles on DS, has had a talk with david duke on his opioid article. who the hell is this striker, he has a lot of potential hehehe.

see some thing in local paper about high school in very hwyte semi rural redneck area and there is a young man with a 4.0 gpa who loves the high school auto repair/tech program and now he is gonna go to college to do an engineering degree in something diesel related. he seemed like a healthy happy normie. i was jelly of the young man who at age 17 says, i wanna do my career in DIESEL. design and build huge diesel engines. which there is huge money in this. repairing engines of 600000000000 dollar pieces of mining equipment which have huge diesel engines. huge machinery and engines normies cant even THINK of.

but he clearly got his interest in diesel from doing his high school auto tech program.

then i am jelly my high school didnt have an auto program because they were trying to prepare everyone for UNIVERSITY. then i think, if they had an auto program, would I have done it? if they HAD an hvac or auto or welding or electrician or cnc machining or some sort of trade program…..would I have done it????? its impossible to say.

this is possibly the best taake song and captures everything great about his style. it is very masculine and high energy. yet also grim. i cant rightfully call it “cold” cuz its very hot-blooded. also rather than repeating one riff 60000000 times like boortzum, he crams 6000000000 riffs into one song like technical death metal or something. BUTTTTTTTTT all those riffs flow PERFECTLY. the amount of air guitaring, air drumming i do throughout basically this whole song is insane. it only slows down in the last 30 seconds.

i will be obnoxiously calling for this song at the taake concert and hopefully will rustle hoest’s jimmies hahahahahahahaha.

so yeah i am happy about the walmart george 12 dollar pants. flat front, classic/normie fit, at that perfect intersection of looking fancy but not super fancy, and a cotton/polyester blend so they are both light and soft. best fooking pants ever.

https://www.walmart.com/ip/15024506?wmlspartner=wlpa

these are the pants, i’m 90% sure hahahaha. buy 4 pair right now and thank me later. i have gray, khaki, and now blue. i am tempted to get the black ones too.

WHAT WOULD JOHN THICC DO?

heh this is really a shit tier meme that wont ever take off, only i think its funny because its so goddamn bad.

also the faded glory striped tshirt is great. fooking great. this is why i like walmart. nice clothes for a nice price. i mean its way more expensive than the thrift store, but i rarely find anything good at the thrift store.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/11-year-old-boy-kills-self-after-gf-fakes-death-i-blame-single-motherhood/97270/

great comments hahahaha

every link i link is to daily stormer hahaha.  i am not anti TRS, i jsut am taking a temp break from them.

never do you find a dog that fires his owner because he wants to find a better owner. leaves his owner for seemingly greener pastures. i am trying to make a point about women hahahaha. dogs are loyal, women are not like dogs, women know no loyalty hahahaha and that sucks.

well they are loyal to brute strength arent they? i mean didnt we conclude that this all MADE SENSE? if YOU could get preggers wouldnt you stop being loyal to your PROTECTOR as soon as he showed he wasnt STRONG enough to protect you any more?

seeing all this stuff about “greater israel” which i guess is what israel wants to expand to, to basically go all the way to the persian gulf, take over large areas of syria, iraq, and saudia arabia, probably pick up a lot of oil in the process.

ever wonder why you never see an ISIS attack in israel??? hehehehehe.

👌

hahahaha

oh yeah. so lets say you go to normie degen high school. wouldnt you HAVE to see a few white mudshark slut girls, even if there were only 2 black kids in your school? they would certainly be banging white sluts.

in other words, maybe most (hwyte) men HAVE personally experienced mudhsharks, ie personally known women who have done it.

but were they CLOSE to them? did they really KNOW the women? did they CARE about them and WANT them? only to be brutally rejected for the mud? or were they just that dirty pathetic mudshark ho over there, it never really affected you on a deep level, never helped you become racially redpilled?

i mean i never met any mudsharks until i was like 25 years old simply because i didnt know many women. and if the few women i had met prior to that were fooking blacks…..well i just didnt KNOW about it.

i mean you gotta KNOW the women well enough to at least know WHO they are fooking. do you even know HALF the women you know that well?

oh shit so every women is a mudshark unless proven otherwise hahahaha guilty until proven innocent.

hahaha no but seriously, i would say innocent until proven guilty. and its not like i had to do cia shit with these women. they POST the shit on FACEBOOK!

yeah but im not on facebook anymore so how am i gonna do mudshark recon? well i figure just ask any women i get to know personally. jsut ask them. half the time they will be truthful. yeah ive been with blacks what it to you? you a racist or something? yes i am, now gtfo mudshark!

 

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ABG ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL

mar 8

sheeeeeeit. well i have cut muh cigaret smoking down by like 80% and dont really feel any cravings. so i am thankful for that.

OR AM I????

hhahahhahaha. maybe im not ACTUALLY thankful ENOUGH!

anyway. maybe i want to do MJ less because for a while i had moar privacy which would make WANTON use of MJ possible…..if i had any. that privacy is now gone, meaning even if i had some, it would be much more difficult to get out and use it. it could still be done, it would just be 3 times as hard.

i mean i would still do it. i would just do it less. MY POINT IS, I’M GRATEFUL that my DESIRE to use has decreased, in direct result of my OPPORTUNITY to use being limited. Since I know it’s less of a POSSIBILITY, i WANT it less.

anything that could make me WANT it less is a good thing. well, short of something thats even worse of course. like jerking off to porn 24/7. shit it would be better to just sm0ke mj.

ABG. ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL.

i would have told my younger self to never do MJ. never drink. dont go away to college. just stay at home, dont drink, dont do mj, do a stem degree, and if you dont want to do a stem degree, then do a business degree. use VIDYA if you want some form of drug to escape the “boredom” or despair.

humbling to think that VIDYA is a better alternative than Porn or Drugs or Alcohol.

but is drugs and alcohol worse than PORN? probably.

so MJ is worse than PORN?

YES.

hehehehe. damn. then how can i WANT it so bad?

i mean its apples and oranges really. its not worse than porn. it CAN be though. if you never watch porn and you always sm0ke mj. which would be the risk situation for me hahahaha. i mean i will never watch porn again. no desire to. i am DONE with that jooish filth. wish i could say the same about mj hahaha. but its not inherently jooish filth. it is pretty negrish tho hahahaha. nonwhite. arabs on hashish and such. africans and natives on MJ.

i played final fantasy 12 for 80 hours. those were 80 well spent hours. i dont regret doing it one bit. it was a great, fun, beautiful world. i would have spent those 80 hours better if i were job searching for a better job at the time. if i had spent that 80 hours in SKOOL, that would have been WORTHLESS. 80 hours of schoolwork will get you NOWHERE in life. 80 hours of schoolwork – reading, studying, homework, tests – gets you NOTHING. it gets you like 1 credit hour at best. 1/130th closer to a degree. 80 hours of job search will at least get you like 5 job interviews at least, and that’s worth something real.

but yeah its AMAZING what a WASTE of good time EDUCATION is. its LITERALLY just as bad as smokin WEED or looking at PORN. THAT is the true value of EDUCATION. isnt that DISGUSTING?

you might as well be working at WALMART. working at WALMART is a much better use of your time than EDUCATION.

its another totally jooish scam like porn, banks, loans, journalism.

so why dont i play vidya RIGHT NOW? why dont I just whip out the final fantasy and play it again? i’ve thought about it!

because i guess i would rather WRITE antijooish stuff to try to help a hwyte neet, than play 80 more hours of final fantasy.

i’ll tell you what i WOULD like to do, though. you can guess hahahaha. no not look at porn. have you even been reading what ive been saying. hahaha. i want to sm0ke w33d. everyday. right now. although somewhat less than i wanted to last week. thank GOD.

well you know what, wanting to sm0ke weed is a HELL of a lot better than wanting to be with that woman, or thinking about that woman. at least I have moved on from THAT.

is porn better than that woman?

in some ways……..yes? but still not worth it to use porn to try to get over her. i mean now we are just getting into philosophy 202 thought exercises. phil 101 would be like is abortion wrong. is being a slut wrong. is porn wrong. is cheating wrong. SUPER basic bitch stuff.

so lets say you get dumped because youre needy. i know im too needy and a big cause of women dumping me. but what if you rarely have a CHANCE to be needy….but when you do, you are? like you cant be needy unless they are somewhat considering dating you. which they very rarely are.

in other words, being that close to or have such a CONNECTION to someone is SO RARE, its almost NATURAL to become needy or overly attached. because its so damn RARE. it reminds you of what your life has been missing and now that you have a TASTE, youre instantly addicted. its like crack or heroin….but not nearly as easily available. not for YOU at least.

your key doesnt fit her lock. but many many other keys fit her lock. so you get butthurt about that too. whats so WRONG with YOUR key????? is it really THAT bad? its worse than negros and felons and cheaters and scumbags? apparently.

ANYWAY. thats old hat hahaha. who gives a shit. BITCHES BE BITCHES MAN. it doesnt mean youre WORSE than these negros, it just means they are better at Seducing Women than you are, and women are stupid as shit when it comes to seduction, they are even more stupid than a horny 16 year old boy wanting to look at porn. because nature wants these women to get pregnant NOW, so it makes them horny af, makes them sluts basically. they just have figured out (sort of) how not to get preggers. and if you do, nbd, just murder it. get it taken care of.

but youre goddamn right its frustrating they would pick sleazy negros over you. i cant blame you for being mad and butthurt and buttmad and bitter af.

again, there are some women who do not choose so poorly or recklessly. some women actually dislike negros and scumbags and cheaters and players and degenerates.

i mean this is basic bitch be masculine, be confident stuff. you can expect women to love confidence, but not to be able to discern good confidence from bad confidence. too much to ask. manage your expectations.

but yeah. every morning. before i go into my job, i say, god DAMN am I THANKFUL this is not my previous job. that I’m not dying of panic right now. that its so much of a chiller job. that i’m never gonna be in that situation where i have to answer that phone and i dont know what i;m doing or what to say. and the people around me are total professionals. i trust their judgment. i trust they know what they are doing. because they DO! they’re not bullshitting or telling me to bullshit!

i supposed i should use a clearer term because bullshit can mean at least 3 different things, including friendly banter or friendly exaggerations. usually when i say bullshit, i mean jooish lies to try to intentionally lie or hide something from somebody. not telling the full truth. being sneaky and jooish and dishonest and bad faith and….jooish! when you are trying to joo somebody!!!

its too late for me. but if i can just sm0ke w33d and watch hwyte people and hwyte children win, i will be happy enough i guess hahahaha. i will dnate money towards that end.

well when i see some hwyte people, especially younger, win at life, i sometimes get JEALOUS/ENVIOUS. and as i get older, everyone else gets younger hahaahahahaha.

 

http://archive.is/dkwM2

heh just be grateful you can make 25k as a 20 year old and just sm0ke tons of weed when you are not at work and grateful you have a job where you are not actively nervous and panicking the whole time and panicking about how you are going to SURVIVE one day at a time, every single day.

nobody said anything about sm0king tons of MJ hahahaha. that is one of the FIRST things i would have suggested.

yeah i havent ruled out that i might have ADD as well as despair and anxiety and bipolar. so you just take 4 different medz a day then hahahaha. go out drinking with your coworkers so you can become friends with them and they will stand up for you rather than throw you udner the bus. assuming you can still drink. i cannot so that does not help my working situation for when i have a REAL job like this guy ahahahaha.

wewlad i know that feel. being passive aggressive and needy and low confidence. its why i push all my friends away and will never have a gf hahahahahahahahahahaha

of course all the women on reddit with 600000000000 admirers are condescending and womansplaining to the poor guy hahahaha. oh yeah THIS is why i hate reddit hahahaha. cuz the women are so stupid.

they think they are SMART because theyre so successful in life with their 28k a year and all their relationship experience. how about you get monogamously married and have 3 children. instead of having your main goal in life being career and TRAVEL. its always TRAVEL TRAVEL TRAVEL TRAVEL with these women. red flag.

travel is fine, travel is good, but to make it a huge goal and talk about it more than family and children? not good. yeah i wouldnt mind traveling to a MJ legal place and just doing MJ hahahahaha. or i wouldnt mind traveling to yurop for 6 months. not gonna happen though and that thought doesnt eat me up inside.  but yeah i dont trust these wanderlust millennials who like to  travel so much. hints at being a ((( rootless cosmopolitan ))). no thank you. put down some roots. blood and soil.

ok closed reddit. too triggering with these modern women.

i get more excited about eating a tasty MEAL than i do about the idea of TRAVEL. i get WAY more excited about the idea that one day I might have a big bag brimming with mid grade indica budz.

again i dont hate travel. there are many places in the world, in the US, in my state, that I would like to see. its just not a huge priority. i mean shit. if im feeling adventurous i would go to this park 15 miles away which i havent gone to in 15 years. with a bunch of MJ for a fun day in the woods and trails and lake. would totally take a woman there if i had any interest in any woman hahahaha.  i should really go there myself but i REALLY have to PUSH myself to do things like that by myself.

or just go with a regular friend. but i have pushed them all away because i am too passive aggressive, aloof, never lift a finger hahahaha.

oh well at least i am not a jobless neet any more, dont have to do 28 interviews and 550 apps anymore, now i have an 11k a year job hahahahaha.

apparently youre supposed to get used to people never telling you good job for the work that you do. we millennials raised to want a prize just for showing up. entitlement hahahaha. well my response is, whats wrong with a little praise and encouragement. ALSO, I am VERY willing to GIVE that praise and encouragement to OTHER people because I KNOW it feels good to be complimented on your work! so i compliment other people just to be nice and make them feel good!!!!!! don’t other people do this? just being NICE to other people? you compliment them even if they aren’t #1.

i complimented people all the time at my last horrible job. they appreciated it and they tried to compliment me. i prob didnt get enough compliments from higher up but who cares about them, my loyalties were to my team, not my higher ups hahahahaha.

at current job, i am prob happy with the level of compliments. and i tell the other people good job just to be nice and a team player. maybe theyre doing a shitty job. but i really dont think they are.

i imagine its a lot less triggering to read the women of reddit when you have a stable rel with a woman who is loyal to you, luvs you, sucks you off, etc. then you can just chuckle at these neurotic catladies bitching about everything.

but if you dont have that with a woman, then you take what these other women are SAYING way too SERIOUSLY. you should NEVER take what a woman SAYS seriously.  well, not on reddit. if she is saying she just wants to be casual friends, yeah i guess you should take that seriously too. or when she is letting slip gems about how many guys shes fooked and she doesnt realize she’s showing her slut level.

basically dont let what women say on REDDIT trigger you. just let it go hahahaha. step away from the reddit. meditate on big green bags of w33d that you wish you had hahahahaha.

shit maybe look at some HOOKERS on the erotic review hahahahaha.

read the local newspaper and upvote all the racist or right wing comments. maybe meet up with these people and buy them drinks, see if they can get you a better paying job when you tell them how much you fooking LUV being HWYTE.

meditate on how fooking AWESOME it is to be HWYTE. no joke.

march 9

so its super early, 648 am, really i could sleep in another 20 to 30 minutes but i dont mind getting up early, checking email, writing here, having time to have a 3rd stomach churning coffee water p00p if i have to (and i fully intend to in about 10 mins) and look at weather and traffic and email and calendars for people. get

ok had to do that before 10 minutes hehehe

but yeah so this is my opportunity to pump myself up. do the best i can. that was a valuable reddit thread above on the young man who is trying to get used to the world of work. it is a very fundamental question. even the people who are fortunate and skilled and smart enough to be gainfully employed at 28k a year have great difficulty adjusting to it emotionally.

50% of people are failures at life hahahaha.

this is what education SHOULD do. it should prepare children with the skills for work, so that they are GUARANTEED a 28k a year job as soon as they get out of high school at age 18. or more like 16. and you dont graduate until you have that job. and there would also be classes in high school on How To Adult: how to buy a home, how to raise children, how to be emotionally stable for 50-100 hours of WORK a week, how to not do drugs. schools and education fail at all these outcomes (objectives?). i mean yeah this stuff is probably the responsibility of the parents anyway. but these are THE most important things!!!! so keep your kids out of school and teach them The Most Important Things yourself because schools are absolutely useless.

education should be noble and sacred but the joos have ruined it, used it as a weapon against the stupid goyim. horrific. a travesty. also, you shouldnt leave The Most Sacred Trust up to a class of Professional Strangers! yeah yeah yeah at least 50% of them are True Believers in Making A Difference in Kids Lives and thats great, BUT, they still get trained in marxism by marxists and their good intentions are pretty much ruined hahaha.

maybe That Woman was way out of my league, she was way too good for me, because she was not a single mother. i simply don’t DESERVE a woman who is NOT a single mother. let alone one under 30 AND hwyte AND somewhat attractive!! WAY out of my league!!!!

i mean i am pretty much done with women until i stumble upon the next one hahahaha or take the action to Get A Hooker. i mean i cant legit try to Date Women until I have a 28k job, thats the rule, right? and all those online dating women are just a Marginal, Nominal, Horrifically Tiny step from being Hookers themselves, just less honest hookers hahahaha. with a hooker you know what youre getting. a woman who takes cash to fook 50000000 men.

but yeah i had that uncomfortable thought as i came home from a very easy day of making 11k a year: SHE WAS WAYYYYY OUT OF MY LEAGUE. SHE WAS WAYYYYYY TOO GOOD FOR ME. How FOOLISH of me to even entertain the thought. a hwyte trash fatherless gurl who is not super smart hahaha. way out of my league just because she doesnt have kids. and she is a solid 7/10 hahaha.

was she really out of my league? on paper it sounds like yes. but she wasnt out of league to be muh frand. and really its amazing she hadnt become a single mom herself yet. maybe she has by now. it doesnt matter.

but yeah when they dump you in a nice way, it doesnt bother you so much that they are out out of your league. when they dump you in a ruff way, you think, wow, maybe they were APPALLED that I had the AUDACITY to think I was even CLOSE to their league.

lesson: always be nice when you dump someone. dump people the way you want to be dumped.

did i learn my lesson: of course i did. how many more times must i say it. just blurt everything out as soon as possible. tell the whole truth immediately. i mean i hate to think i was a LIAR. I wasnt HIDING the truth. i was just too COWARDLY to tell the full truth, that i was heavily hinting with the way i was acting. lying would be acting one way, then denying it. i never DENIED anything. i was never asked to confirm or deny anything. but yeah i was no innocent victim. i had a role in my own downfall hahaha.

start of the weekend. no mj available. took 1 benedryl immed on getting home. plan to take 2 valium thruout day. not 3. 2 valium and prob 1 more benedryl.

i dont think women should be banned from asking questions/OP’s on reddit. i just think they should be banned from ANSWERING them!

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/half-a-million-pussies-march-on-washington-demanding-president-trump-grab-them/79313

great article about women. go throw some shekels at anglin now that his tshirt sale is closed. good thing i bought one hahahaha.

My grandmother always said it should cost $5,000 for a marriage license , and $50 to get divorced. That way you will be absolutely sure that you are serious about it. sez guy on daily stormer bbs.

well, it already costs like 6000000000000000 to get married, but not for the license, but for the stupid bridezilla wedding. and then it costs 60000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 dollarydoos to get divorced hehehe. but i see the guys point and its a good one, i agree.

another great quote in the thread from oberstein:

”  xOberstein Jan 22  reply to: TaureanPolishAngel [he’s mansplaining to a young women how men and women are different]
Pretty much the same reason women are naturally hypergamous. It’s two sides of the same coin.

Men are lookers and initiators. They’re attracted to looks, and they have to consider as many women as possible to find one who they are interested in and who is interested in them. The men who are successful at relationships are those who are the most active in searching for a partner, and the best at wooing her. These men can’t just radically change their personality once they enter a relationship. They’re still going to find other women attractive – that’s not something they can just turn off. This is why men are considered polygamous, and why unprincipled men sometimes cheat.

Women are not active in finding relationships – while men are the lovers, women are the beloved. This is why you (presumably) wait for a man to ask you out, rather than asking him out yourself. Once a woman is in a relationship, she is devoted to her partner, because she has little experience in finding random men attractive or seriously considering strangers as potential partners. However, if another man enters her life who she finds more attractive than her current partner, she is likely to return his affections and cheat. This is why women are considered hypergamous.

Jealousy affects both men and women when their partner cheats, both because people want to be loved (obviously) and because having your partner cheat seriously damages your chance of reproducing. In fact, I’d argue that men go through much, much more pain than women if their partner cheats on them or breaks up with them. The suicide statistics don’t lie. http://i.imgur.com/irQtOYz.png4   ”

saor guardians. great album and gets even better with time hehehehe.

ate dinner, took one valium, drinking coffee and listening to saor guardians. great album.

ya know why i dont like women? because they’re not as MORAL as men, and I prefer moral people to less moral people. now i totally understand that women arent SUPPOSED to be as moral as men, they dont have to be. but i also dont think nature is FORCING women to be less moral than men. i mean it wouldn’t be UNNATURAL for women to be a little bit more moral. although as it is, it’s not unnatural for them not to be moral either. becuase they dont NEED to be, they never NEEDED to be. men NEED to be. so i just contradicted myself hahaha. but yeah even though women have less of a NEED to be moral, nothings STOPPING them from being more moral if they WANT.

i like more moral people better than less moral people, so i like men better than women hehehehe.

and believe i believe women COULD be more moral if they real WANTED to, i resent them for taking the Easy Way Out.

heh. setting clocks forward two days prior to daylight savings time simply because i can hahahaha. gives me more time to adjust haha.

well the women i DO actually know in real life seem pretty moral. again im going back to this FICTIONAL, IMAGINARY woman who doesnt really exist. it’s not even an accurate representation of That Woman although in my mind it kinda “looks” like her. but she wasnt super immoral or evil or jooish, she was just human hahahaha just like any of us.

jooish, thats a good word for immoral, hahaha. synonymous.

mansplaining is just explaining. womansplaining is not explaining at all, its just BULLSHITTING.

aphorisms, like nietzsche hahahaha.

schoepenhauer. was he any good?

weininger. was he a joo? if so, you know where he goes.

904 pm (really 804 but i am trying to train my mind) took second and last valium. will prob take benedryl in a few hours then go to bed.

a good day at the table today, doubled muh stack finally. i need to do this a lot more!

i wonder if i were in high school right now how easy it would be to get MJ.

when i was in high school it wasnt too hard to get MJ although i wasnt looking to buy too much ever.

when i went to college i wanted it much more. and it was PROBABLY even easier to get, but it seemed harder, because i had less friends in college than i did in high school, had a very hard time adjusting and making friends. i eventually made friends and then it was easier to get MJ, but things would still run dry more than youd expect. and you had very little choice. just buy super expensive high grade stuff or get nothing at all hahahaha. i wanted mid grade but couldnt find it. everything was super top shelf kind buds. wawawawawawa. nothing for more working class people. these were all super middle class uni kids. and many of them were decent, even great people.

although if i were younger and in high school or college right now…..i shouldnt be smoking mj because that was one of the big mistakes where i threw my youth away and became a failure at adulting now. was because i smoked too much mj back then. and alcohol, and porn, and being a weirdo, and not going to a shrink, and not taking meds, and being stubborn, and remaining in the useless college situation i was in, rather than going to a less middle class, closer to home uni and getting a degree in stem or business or machining. all those were factors, not just the mj.

heh. its like i dont have the energy or will or agency or initiative to ACT on what i’ve learned from all my mistakes and failures. i’ve learned the lessons but still DO NOTHING.

world womens day. fook off. what is this bullshit. first the womens march on washington, now world womens day, women stay home from work, etc. so stupid. its all just a gay ass jooish protest against glorious leader trvmpenfuhrer. they think hes literally hitler and wants to throw women and muslims in ovens. shit i wish he did hahahaha. well, not hwyte women hahaha. but publicly hanging traitors would be fine. would send a great message. its a little barbaric i guess. so you could put bags over their heads, and just let their hanging bodies hang there for a week. that would still get the point across.

i mean ideally women wouldnt go to work to begin with. and a family could survive on one income and men wouldnt have to compete against women for jobs in this grotesque abomination that is enough to turn me against capitalism hahahahaha. to see it as the other jooish side of the jooish coin of communism. just like the two sided joooish coin of marxism and zionism, you have the two sided jooish coin of communism and capitalism. DAMN.

so yeah just give me nationalism. hwyte nationalism.  with somewhat free trade optimised for the benefit of your hwyte citizens. hwyte fascism hahahaha.  and i would be a softie about hanging hwyte traitors. id hang a few though. the hardcore people would say not enough.

i dont even know if id hang illegal aliens hahaha. no i would literally catapult or airdrop them into their home countries. make them pay for it hahahah. shit i might even have our taxpayers pay for us, because it would benefit our country. just like The Wall. imho we dont need to make mexico pay for it. if you can get them to, FINE, but it’s still a good deal even if we have to pay for it. just build it quickly, dont put it off. people want to see this wall soon. i really hope he doesnt waffle on this wall and literally starts building it NOW. i dont care if its more of a see through grate or fence.  FINE. it makes sense, that you could see through and shoot through the wall. how about even just prisons have rows of barbed wire fences. that would be fine. throw up some cheap barbed wire fences. have manned guard posts every mile with people in there 24/7 with gunz hehehehe. yeah that would be expensive sure. but patriotic murkans would prob be willing to pay for it. would rather my tax dollars go to it than welfare bennies for illegals hahahahaha.

really i bet blacks are a bigger problem than illegals or muslims hahaha. well in some areas the illegals are about as big a problem as the blacks hahahaha. and the black question has been a tough one for many years because of course its connected to slavery. im not so stupid that i would deny that!

HA! watching watters world on fox news and he is interviewing people outisde the alamo and he talked to a metalhead wearing an inquisition shirt. he looked kinda latinx though hahahaha. almost certainly a degen but never saw an inquisition shirt on tv before hahaha. they are bretty kewl and there were rumors they were racis. ok they showed the guy again and he looked pretty white. inquisition is from south america america and im sure they are mixed mestizos, but i’d also say they are 75% white mestizos hahaha.  i would be willing to go to one of their concerts, i hear their concerts are GREAT.

mar 10

yep long post but my hands are tied. it is what it is what it is. because i already have 99 drafts and if i add one more, i get shut down. thats a wordpress rule. in fact im surprised they havent shut me down for my wrongthink.  even if you DONT talk about violence, and i dont, or crime, but you just talk about the JQ for long enough, and you will get shut down. you cant even talk about it. thats how you know its some serious shit hahahaha. so i thank god im a murkan, where at least i know im free. we have a lot more freedumz than other formerly hwyte nations like canada or uk or germany or aus.

the first song on this album is extremely catchy and popped in my head yesterday. this album came out in 1999 or 2000 and i remember it was a big deal. i was just starting to learn about black metal and death metal at that time and I remember when the album came out and i bought it on CD and everyone was like wow the great emperor finally came out with their follow up to the Groundbreaking Anthems album.

i suppose this IXE album sounds a bit dated today since black metal really didnt end up evolving this way and im kinda glad it didnt! ie overwrought symphonic stuff. but there are still some sweet riffs and fast blasts here.

and then emperor has become completely irrelevant and ihsahn still has plenty of die hard fans but he is certainly not Bleeding Edge any more. not that he has to be.

and then by 2001 i didnt really care about their final album hahaha.

they are not BAD, just….ITNE and Anthems were their best albums hahaha. maybe wrath of the tyrant too but im not familiar enough with that one haha.

in general, i am quite happy with the way black metal has been evolving the past 25 years or so hahaha and boy has it been evolving and i’m grateful that i can be happy about the direction its taking. both the throwback stuff, and the pagan stuff, and the artsy blackgaze alternative hipster stuff, the american stuff, the british stuff, the finnish stuff, the french stuff, the orthodox stuff, it’s all good!

http://archive.is/qpYAJ

hit piece on andrew anglin from columbus paper, feb 2017

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/the-atlantics-luke-obrien-launches-campaign-of-harassment-to-shut-down-speech-of-political-activist/90830

anglin tells of sleazy journos being sleaze joornos. they are the scum of the earth and the enemy of the people hehehe.

oh hay yesterday march 9 was the 99th birthday of george lincoln rockwell RIP.

http://archive.is/lYvw8

full text of “THIS TIME THE WORLD” his autobiog

http://laraj.ca/AGwiki/uploads/Fascism/America/George%20Lincoln%20Rockwell%20-%20This%20Time%20the%20World.pdf

pdf here made pretty by our lad zeiger, will prob get taken down hahaha

https://archive.org/stream/ThisTimeTheWorld/ThisTimeTheWorld_djvu.txt

i should buy a hard copy because this deserves to be proudly displayed on all hwyte men’s bookshelves hahahaha

i should have been reading and praising GLR for YEARS, its SAD ive only really started getting into him now. Sad! he was a giant. a LION of a man. without him, there would be no dr pierce, no david duke, no vvn, no 14 words, no dr greg, no weev, no andrew anglin, no trs. no me hahaha.

i mean this guy cuts right to the chase immediately and is just as timely as ever. on the first page, calling out the J and the WELTFEIND hahahaha. the twin evils of zionism and bolshevism. crush zionism. good lord. no rambling for pages and pages.

also he is just a good writer and not just a good speaker. he could and did write a good book that seems like it will be a pleasure to read.

even though he was tragically murdered FIFTY years ago, the stuff still reads like it was written TODAY.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/why-america-losing-its-cyberwar-stockpile-is-good-for-america/90756

mar 10 new article by weev writing for daily stormer. did not show up in muh google alerts for weev! maybe google is banning daily stormer from search results hehehe. i found it thru a link on a reddit that appears to be picking up where /r/altright left off when it was shut down.

heh. there are so many articles on daily stormer you cant even find them on the front page hehehe.

 

SHE COULD GET AWAY WITH NOT DEALING WITH IT

yep

sept 11

heh. not to insult the old friends of mine who are unfortuantely, sadly leftist, but……. i just remembered something that happened on our recent reunion that made me shake my head and told me that there was no hope in trying to Turn these people hehehehe.

basically it was simple, just talking about LB Johnson and how he was such a old school white racist who wanted segregation for blacks. it didnt matter that he was huge democrat and the great society and that he might have done more than any one president to turn our once great nation into a marxist progressive antiwhite disgrace. immigration, welfare, etc. they touched on this, but were like, YEAH BUT he was also a huge old school white racist from texas. he wasn’t a real modern democrat….even though he probably did more SJW shit than any modern democrat. all they saw was an evil white racist.

basically they should be worshipping this guy like he was the next MLK! but no, all they see is a white racist!

because he simply LOOKED LIKE a white normie from texas! just a masculine white man with a texas twang. never mind that his policies opened the door to giving BILLIONS to nonwhites!

really I should have said, YEAH BUT dont you think you’re underestimating the effect of the great society? i mean really, isnt LBJ the greatest person for Civil Rights since MLK? do you really think thats fair just to write him off as an evil white racist? he really wasnt old school at all!

i was just caught off guard by the ridiculousness of it, and also my communication skills were compromised by MJ!

and yet these are decent, moral white people parroting this nonsense!

they cant get past LBJ looking like a FOOKING WHITE MALE to realize the pretty obvious truth that he was a YUGE SJW and pretty much sentenced the white race to death hahahahaha. the fact that he has a twangy accent and wasnt a Marxist Community Organizer is enough for them!

and ultimately he went to do one of the single biggest Marxist Actions our country has ever seen!

doesnt matter, cuz he LOOKS like a traditional white family man. so somehow he was a “conservative democrat”. wtf???????

you could not have a more marxist prez if KARL MARX had been prez!!!!!!!!

why the hell would they signal against LBJ of all people?

because in their mind, he represents Traditional Old School White Racists.

EVEN THOUGH HE DIDNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

in hindsight I should have probed on this absolutely ridiculous discussion, but again, MJ makes me unable to have even simple small talk.

oh and LBJ probably owned a GUN too. he was the type of guy to go HUNTING. and he probably didnt want his daughter to be a race mixing slut. what a racist sexist woman hating black hating bigot racist.

they cant look past these tiny details to see the YUGE OBVIOUS LASTING LEGACY of LBJ!!!!!!

Maybe i am OVERESTIMATING LBJ and the great society pogams in particular.

i mean im sure there were tons of marxist j’s advising him.

hmmmm i have found the new evalion hahahahahah

i bet this channel will be shut down by the time this post posts.

well after 1 minute of inspection she seems less slutty than evalion, but she does have crazy eyes!

not gonna get my hopes up too much here.

but I would wager that shes taken less cox than evalion and might be a better wife and mother.

gonna try to manage expectations tho.

i guess she already did an interview with sinead. i hope sinead does not latch onto her and turn her into even more of a psychopath.

i would feel a lot more comfortable if she (crusader gurl) were doing this with her father or something. what does her father think of all this?

it feeeeels really weird and wrong for very young gurls to get on the frontlines of a very real ideological war. just like with Combat, women SHOULDN’T be doing this. you can support your father or husband or brother who is doing it. make white babies with your white husband. maybe make videos about how awesome being a mother is. and cool it with the hitlers and the swastikas. they make you look like a shill hhahahahahaha.

men can do that, women cant. and even most men dont fathom what theyre getting into when they do that. i say, err on the side of caution and dont go full 1488 until you know exactly what youre getting into. like me hahahaha. and even i dont post hitlers and swastikas. it just looks fishy when a 17 year old gurl on the internet does.

girl on the internet syndrome. beware.

maybe do a show with your strong white boifran. or father.

i should really write to her and try to become her handler. i mean women can REACH alot more people than men. she can get 1000 subscribers in a day where it would take a guy a YEAR. people pay a lot more attention to young purty wimmin. so, tread carefully. she is gonna be under a TON of scrutiny, like evalion, and it didnt take long for evalion to be shut down and probably discredited.

and yes their secs lives ARE relevant, because you want a person with GOOD CHARACTER.

and really….yeah its nice to see women getting into this stuff, but I have NEVER heard something explained MORE profoundly or powerfully by a woman than by a man. NEVER. in other words, a man can ALWAYS say this stuff more persuasively. More Better, hahahahaha.

but the women get more initial views.

and im sure part of it is me being Lonely for a Woman that is Against Race Mixing.

here’s a fun game for you: test women you meet by getting them talking about idris elba or denzel washington. I reckon the MAJORITY of them will take the bait and say DAYUM WHAT A SEXY MAN. MMM HMMMM. I WOULD SUCK HIM OFF RIGHT NOW. I WOULD FOOK HIM ALL NIGHT AND LET HIM BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME.

this is a blatant signal that the woman is open to race mixing.

the ideal woman would get uncomfortable talking about secs, would not say anything publicly, then in private, would tell you shes just not into black guys.

just look for any remark where a white woman talks about a black guy being Handsome or Secsy.

if you’re against race-mixing, you JUST WOULDNT DO THAT.

I never talk about how nonwhite women are good looking! because I honestly dont care! I DONT WANT TO RACE MIX!!!!

well there are a couple jooish and maybe indian women i would bang. but they would probably stink like curry!

and also i have fully thought through the implications of having children with them, and that is something i would never want to do!

but yeah, its just not the DOMAIN of cute innocent doe eyed 16 year old gurls to be talking about this stuff!!!!!

KIND OF like how its not the domain of innocent little gurls to be huge cvm guzzling sluts!

well….i say kind of because those are two VERY different things.  i’m just trying to say that young gurls are JUST TOO INNOCENT for this kind of stuff. it’s TOO MUCH for them. it’s not RIGHT for them to be in it.

kind of like a woman forgoing being a wife and mother so she can be a damn CEO.

it’s just not her natural place. its weird and wrong.

so yeah i hope this gurl acts honorably because its SAD to see a qt innocent young white gurl be a DUMPSTER FIRE. just do what michelle k did and Resign. or do what the truth will live did and stop youtube but just do twitter only.

of course TTWL is 100% jooish. but uhhhh she was really qt and had great alt right ideas and was converting to Catholic. real interesting case.

but yeah its DISTRACTING unless you have your OWN alt right waifu. and probably most waifus could be MADE alt right with your firm, fair guidance.

this crusader gurl looks like a purer, more innocent, lower number gurl than evalion, and i dont want to see another young white girl turn into a dumpster fire for the whole internet to see.

dont look for a gurl with political opinions. find a gurl with basically no political opinions, but who has deep moral opinions about not being a slut, about not fooking blacks, about not murdering her babies. that’s all you need. and finding that will be difficult enough!

heh i am actually tempted to write this girl a message because she might actually read it now, rather than 2 weeks from now, when she has EXPLODED in popularity.

well, sinead has probably already told her how horrible TRS is.

basically TRS needs to take this girl under their wing and use her as a TRS propaganda person. TRS are good, strong, smart men. I trust them hehehe.

hehehe

https://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/

https://voat.co/v/talesfromtechsupport

also i saw some bitch saying that its normal for a 30 year old man to take only 6 months to get over a 2 year relship. yeah maybe if you are some sociopath who just views people as bags of meat, BITCH!

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/

loveshack has like 1700 people on it right now, relship forums has like 400 tops. go with loveshack. i am looking for something with a LOT of people.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/

plus they have a great subforum that is all about That Gray Area where you might be becoming more than friends, or wanting to.

yep the big 400th job app.  next it will be the big 500th hahahaha.

http://archive.is/fdCUL

How to Choose a Wife in a Feminist Society by PA

good blogger, i should directly link to him, got a good alt right racist white mind. i just dont want anyone to know i link to them. go look at his blog and give him a dollar hahahaha.

twitter can be fun sometimes

oh yeah this one was florian geyer. well he doesnt really use it. and his NRx blog only has 2 posts. i was looking to try to find the origin story on this guy cuz i like him. he is great. he is very smart and very funny and will be a great priest but he should have some keeids tho.

here is a guy that is on the fatherland sometimes, seems like a real good guy, and he does a pro family podcast with his WIFE. should prob check that out at some point.

sept 12

welp, was very decisive about getting a haircut today, even though probably didnt really NEED it…..but previous i usually waited TOO long, and today i just wanted to be decisive and get a haircut fairly earlier than last time, PLUS whenever i get a haircut, it boosts confidence, so, really no risk, high reward. waited 66 days this time, 9 weeks or so. this isnt TOO early, I dont think.

had ridiculously disturbing dream with HER in it and it just gets worse. i was bitching at her like  a little bitch, please stop avoiding and ignoring me, just hang out with me already, don’t dump me LIKE THIS, and getting really bitchy and passive aggressive about it, then she was like FINE. FINE. what do you want from me. and then she got up on this ladder or lege or something about 14 feet off the ground and dove headfirst into the ground, grotesquely breaking her own head and neck. absolutely horrifying. that’s not what i was asking for!!!!!! i just wanted to sit down and have an hourlong private talk!!!!

there was an implication that some other guy was also heartbroken and HE had K’d himself the same way, diving headfirst into the ground.

also in another part of the dream, I was grotesquely deformed, like missing half my face, and also that side of my body was all grotestquely deformed. naturally people reacted to the sight of me with horror.  I couldn’t really see myself though, and I didn’t really FEEL horrific.

then I met a qt young woman who was nice to me, did not react with horror, and I wondered, wow, did I miraculously get better somehow? do I really look normal now? or is she just super nice?

so yeah, lot of symbolism there hahahahahahahaha.

and then it went into that super disturbing part with HER and the neck breaking etc. good god how does my brain come up with this horror.

so yeah i am surprised i was not MORE affected by the dream (nightmare!!!!!) but I guess forcing myself to get out and get haircut helped with that.

also in the dream she seemed like a different person. it sorta looked like her, but a more crazy, unstable, bitchy, evil version of her.

basically she did what she did because:

  1. she didnt have Special Feelings for me
  2. She could Get Away with Not Dealing with it.

PERIOD.

some things you are FORCED to deal with. you cant escape from them. this was not one of those things.

i bet she DID feel bad about hurting me. but she did not HAVE to deal with it….so she didn’t. The End. Period. Thats All Folks. That’s ALL it boils down to. I bet she DID feel bad. (Im sure she’s gotten over that LONG ago, though)

2pm sept 2

sheeeeeeeit. sitting at car dealership, they have free wifi thank god. look like a real phaggot wiht muh laptop but this is gonna take at LEAST 90 minutes.

hope nobody steals mh password who is out there packet sniffing hahahahahah.

321 pm

wow that was quick. they said 90 minutes, i expected 2 hours, and i was out of there within 1 hour.

there was a young arab girl reading a Yuge Law Skool Torts Textbook. Good for her going to Law Skool. She looked very bitchy and high maintenance but young and bangable and in Healthy BMI range. not that I advocate Race Mixing but I would bang her if i had to. would not make babies with, OBVIOUSLY!!!!!!

why am i saying this? i guess to get a pity party for my desperation, to describe my desparation, that i would rather bang a healthy young nonwhite than a fat ugly unhealthy white hahahahaha. but i would never BRAG about it or RECOMMEND it hahahahaha.

 

 

JUST BECAUSE YOU NEED SPACE DOESNT MEAN YOU DONT NEED TO COMMUNICATE

june 5

sheeeeeeeeeeeit.

oh wow found technician job with large manufacturer which the previous generations all started wokring with as soon as they were 18, worked 40 years, raiased white families. now to get a job there you have to be a damn super engineer with a great attitude hahahaha. and above average engineering school performance hahaha. gone are the days of working on the LINE for 40 hours a week and making 20 dollars an hour for tightening a screw, and getting fat and drinking on lunch break and having kids in the white suburbs and getting drunk all weekend hahahahaha.

yesterday i learned that the sleeping stuff in nyquil might be correllated with dementia hahaha. the md doing the study recommends not taking it regularly at all. like me taking it several times a week hahaha. might even take it tonight!

http://archive.is/jAc2e

heh. i guess evalion is a wh0re, she broke this little betabois heart. hahahah stay away from wh0res.

any 18 year old cute white gurl who likes showing her face and body on youtube, getting youtube orbiters and fans, and she talks about nazi 1488 stuff…..totally crazy. would mudshark. would cheat and cuck you. should be treated like any other degenerate wh0re: shamed, shunned, avoided, and forgotten. find a GOOD woman, not a SHITTY woman.

yeah just dont trust any woman on youtube saying gas the k1kes. ok i dont mind wife with a purpose, because she doesnt say gas the k1kes, shes like 40 years old, and has 5 kids, and has been with her husbando like 20 years.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/bbc-whites-need-not-apply-for-trainee-position/32816

well daily stormer isnt private yet i dont think.

oh look the ingredient in nyquil isnt the same one in bendryl which causes dementia.

so i dont WANT a gurl like evalion the mudsharking narcissist sociopath bipolar borderline camwh0re. i want a gurl like That Woman wawawaawawa.

and if i had been a stronger healthier more well adjusted man, i could have had her. but i was too weak and she lost all respect for a weak man, AS SHE SHOULD. As All Women DO : Weak Men Don’t DESERVE women, let alone GOOD women.

if i had been better, stronger, more manly…..then i could have KEPT her. I wouldnt have pushed her away with my weakness, and I would have had a good white wife to have beautiful white children with, and we would luv each other till def do us part hahahahahaha.

because women are not like regular adults. they are somewhere between a child and an adult. closer to a child tbhfam hahahaha. and its just bad when an adult leans on a child. the child cant support an adult during the adults time of need.

june 6

had dumb dream with THAT WOMAN, well its been a few days so i guess i can expect 5 straight days of dreams with her hahaha. in this one i saw her and she was civil to me but also cold and emotionless. i was seething with anger below the surface and being very passive aggressive right off the bat. possibly she was Going Back To School. She talked about how she was doing great with her Husband. Oh, your HUSBAND? I didnt know you got married. Well, he’s not my husband yet, havent had the wedding yet.

then she says he works at this place I was at earlier in the dream where I was assisted by a very friendly normie alpha male who was mixed race. But he had strong white features and was tall and strong and quite handsome, except he had mocha brown skin and frizzy hair. He was very friendly and charismatic and confident. Seemed like a decent guy.

I described the guy and she said yep thats him!!!!!!! squeeeeeeeee!!!!!!! And I thought, well it figures she is in luv with a nonwhite hahahaha. but he actually seems ok and is more of a real man than me.  he is going to college to become a NURSE.

10 years ago I would have thought this was gay, but now I respect it. If you get a BSN degree, you can go far in life. ANd it takes a dedicated, hard working person to do that, and usually a moral person too. I know there is a stereotype about nurse women being batshit crazy, but I think the ones doing the more “hardcore” nursing of the BSN are….well they’re still crazy, but I think they are more moral too. not dirty pill popping cheaters.

also the Previous Woman did a BSN and she became hugely successful and had a great work ethic and she was decent to me.

so her HUSBAND was on a good career path. her handsome, big, strong, mulatto husband she was head over heels in love with. she doesn’t do much but hang out with him, she really luvs him.

So you gonna invite me to the wedding? probably not uh? (i was so passive aggressive.)

then she started getting more angry and said NO, because you didn’t even lift a finger to try to stay friends with me, you made no effort to stay in contact with me, I figured you didnt want to be friends anymore,

then I exploded, wrong wrong! I was heartbroken because YOU threw me away like a piece of GARBAGE! I thought YOU wanted nothing to do with me ever again! I was putting effort in and begging you to put effort in, but you just ignored and blocked me!

she just rolled her eyes and said whatever, repeated her thing about me obviously not being invested in the relship, then she ignored me and looked back to her College Studies to indicate this conversation was over, and I was enraged hahaha.

i recall she looked sluttier in the dream and maybe had some tattoos, where in real life she didnt look like a slut at all, and had no tattoos.

so i was furious, and i was being blamed again. i wanted her to admit some responsibility. not blame it all on me.

there was an earlier part of the dream, after I saw her big tall strong handsome mulatto Husbando, then I actually saw her in some back office, where she was working peacefully near this other woman I went to grade school with, who I should have pursued because she seemed like a really nice gurl hahahahaha. when we were 12 and 13 years old.

somehow we were talking about religion of all things, and I was like, so you guys like MARY? The Blessed Virgin Mary, Mother Of God?

and they were both like, no, not really, don’t really care for MARY that much, I can take her or leave her, pretty indifferent tbh, no big deal, idk, ikr, lol.

and I was just dumbfounded at this casual attitude towards MARY. i thought it was kinda disrespectful and disgusting.

of course, only CATHOLICS put a huge emphasis on MARY. I imagine other christians just dont think about Mary much. but STILL. the womens attitude in this dream seemed more disrespectful than some protestant who doesnt think about Mary a lot.

maybe it symbolizes how I really like Mary and she is my role model for Women. so it REALLY rustled muh jimmies to hear women saying, yeah i dont really care about Mary. Cuz essentially Mary is my IDEAL WOMAN hahahahaha.

heh. if someone wants SPACE from you, its ALSO their responsibility to define that SPACE and tell you exactly what they want you to do or dont do. and not use it as an excuse to avoid you indefinitely and avoid talking about your mutual issues indefinitely.  thats not SPACE, thats RUNNING AWAY. dont RUN AWAY and call it NEEDING SPACE. you have to COMMUNICATE.

yeah you can push away someone who initially just wanted space……but taking the space and never communicating looks a lot liek running a way. fook looks like, it IS running away.

go ahead, take your SPACE…….but COMMUNICATE!!!!!!!

just because you have space doesnt mean you get to treat the person with SILENT TREATMENT and avoiding!

because you want to know whats going on and i wanted space, now YOURE the bad guy and I get to upgrade my Space to the Silent Treatment and Blocking you entirely!

you want space, youre gonna have to show some GOOD FAITH and give some sort of detailed statement. write me a damn two page paper. more than 5 sentences. be sure to include a time when this ends. stop hiding shit from me. i will give you space but you gotta tell the WHOLE truth.

un fookin believable. pay 5 dollars to get a PDF of my Official Transcript but then it EXPIRES after like 7 or 8 weeks. 50 days I think. WOW. JUST WOW. And now I can’t get back into my own fooking transcript that I paid 5 dollars for a fooking pdf.

well I dug up an “unofficial” transcript. damn.

heh. now I have a 10 page “PACKET” that includes:

long resume, long cover letter, list of references, 2 letters of recommendation, and now “unofficial” transcripts of university undergrad and “postbacc” 70 credits of “useful” business and “IT” classes at “College.”

sending this shit out for 10 dollar an hour jobs hahahaha.

maybe that woman is going back to skool to finish her bachelors degree so she can get a better job and doesnt have to work in a 15 dollar an hour call center the rest of her life hahahaha. while her mulatto husband gets a BSN and they are madly in luv with each other forever.

OH WAIT, THAT PART ISNT REAL.

That’s another problem with these dreams. they are essentially more real to you than the reality, because this is all you get.

i just hate getting BLAMED FULLY for this. I dont mind sharing the blame. I will admit some responsibility. but i really want her to admit some responsibility too. don’t blame this ALL on me. im not even sure shes doing that. And I will NEVER be sure.

ooosh only 3 jobs applied today. looking at the jobs and feeling very low confidence. bad.

ok 4. with some “hip” outdoor company that asks what kind of music do you like on the fooking application. fooking phaggots. music is for DEGENERATE PHAGGOTS.  i was honest and told them the sick metal I listened to, because metal is now Cool and Gainfully Employed Millennials Like Metal, and also told them the Cool Guy Nonmetal stuff as well.

DESPAIR FORUM POST

Bless you for being willing to be there for him and to stand by him during this tough time! It warmed my heart to hear that there are people like you in the world. Depression is such a big factor in the end of so many relationships, and so often, it seems like the depressed person is blamed for pushing the other person away, or expect the other person to “fix” them or “cure” them, etc.

And I am sure this does indeed happen! At the same time, however, I am a big fan of making an effort to solve problems, and making an effort to communicate about things, and to put in the work to improve a relationship, rather than just dumping a person and leaving them in the lurch. So I am glad you are giving him a chance, rather than saying “Not my problem! You’re too much to handle! I’m done with you!”

BUT severely depressed people CAN be overbearing on their partners! And I think he is responsible for communicating with you. I have a pet peeve about silent treatment. I hate people ignoring and avoiding me. You can have space, but don’t try to avoid me indefinitely. I can’t read your mind. (I guess I am speaking to someone who recently hurt me by dumping me using avoiding and the silent treatment.)

Anyway, I am the world’s biggest fan of communication, and that would clearly be a very important thing to do here. But how do you make someone communicate, who doesn’t WANT to communicate, when you are very much wanting to communicate with them?!?! I wish I could tell you. I had the same problem. It seems like the classic “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.”

So maybe let him know you will be there for him, but you are really worried, and starting to become frustrated, and you would really appreciate if he communicated with you after X days of “space.”

I don’t have a problem with needing space, but when the other person uses “space” as an excuse to avoid communication indefinitely……that infuriates me! And “space” is NOT a valid reason to avoid communication indefinitely. Ideally, the person who wants space, would also agree to communicate throughout the period of space, and also agree on a firm date when the “space” would come to an end.

I wonder if he would be willing to write you emails while he is having his “space?” I am a big fan of writing emails because a lot can be said in them. Important stuff that one might be too nervous to say face to face. Sometimes I get so emotional or afraid that I can’t say what I want to say, how I want to say it. So I prefer writing the person a long letter or email. Maybe he would be willing to do that. He’s got to be willing to do SOMETHING. Maybe he’s not strong enough to “meet you halfway”, but if he can’t meet you at least 1% of the way, then the relationship becomes totally one-sided.

I know if I were having problems with a loved one, I would be desperate to do whatever it took to keep them from leaving me, hahaha. I really don’t like being left, haha. But something like making an appointment with a therapist and having a group meeting, so the therapist can ideally help communication between both parties. Of course, me being willing to do this still wasn’t enough to keep the other person from leaving me. If they want to leave….there’s nothing you can do to stop them.

Sorry, that sounded terrible! I am just coming out of a relationship where the person was not willing to put in any effort, and I was willing to do whatever it took to save the relationship. They left me, and I was ridiculously devastated for months.

Anyway good for you to be willing to make some effort during the tough times, but also try not to let him have power over you with his silence and stubbornness. Easier said than done I know! Maybe he would be willing to write you emails and to give SOME kind of meaningful communication while he is having his “space.”

Good luck and please keep us posted!

END POST

woman dealing with her desparing boifran, who has clammed up and wants space and she wants to support him but he wont talk, and she is afraid and frustrated. I was just glad she was WILLING TO PUT IN EFFORT and didnt just say pffft fook this shit ima find a stronger better man, this should be all fun all the time. a woman willing to STAND BY HER MAN through GOOD TIMES AND BAD. that is a damn beautiful thing.

i dont want to get in a rel with anyone because i cant imagine WANTING to get in a rel with anyone but HER even though i havent seen her in 11 months hahahaha.

i can envision banging sluts though. casual hangouts. this IS degenerate  but its 6000000 times more degen for the women than the men. i dont need to tell YOU why, but I do need to Mansplain to Women: Because Women Can Get Preggers!

and this is why so many people do casual secs, because they dont WANT a rel, and it hurts to think SHE is doing exactly that, having casual secs with guys because she doesnt want a rel. she is out there being a degen slut when i wanted her to be waifu 4 lyfe, mother of muh white children. she is just a casual slut. and most women are. or go through large periods of their life where they are casual sluts. same thing.

and i can’t even talk to the other 30 year old virgin males on despair forums who talk about maybe trying to practice on MILFs from tinder, without catladies on DF saying dont dehumanize them and treat them like low hanging fruit!

in other words women causing drama because they dont know what to say to men with Gurl Problems. This stuff needs to be in a MEN ONLY forum because women really have nothing useful to say here. They either Shame, or they give useless, wrong, if well-intentioned, “advice.” they cannot possibly understand what the man is going through. but other men, like me, DO. i give them much better advice hahaha. like i hear ya man, its rough, ive been through the same thing, women think im weird and i havent made out with a gurl in 10 years and even back then they thought my lack of experience was weird. so i say bend the truth and just try to get some experience with this milf. there will probably be stupid drama and flakeouts, but it will be some experience and hopefully you learn a little more about dealing with women’s bullshit and can be more confident when you approach more attractive women later.

and if 40 year old catladies read that, they go rabble rabble rabble and get all butthurt hahahaha. i mean i can totally see why. they cant handle the truth, thats why hahahahahahaha. the truth hurts. yeah the truth hurts me too. basically that i am not valuable enough to pull a woman as valuable as THAT WOMAN. she was OUT OF MUH LEAGUE. and i thought that her having no father, and her fam being a slightly lower Social Class than my fam, would help my odds a little bit, hahaha.  maybe if she were a huge slut, were a few years older, and had at least one kid, then THAT would help, hahahaha. oy vey.

 

 

 

 

ACCEPT THE OCCAM EXPLANATION / RUN AWAY / SLVTDAR

feb 23

had a dream last night with HER in it, but thankfully i dont remember much. i think we were both being passive aggressive to each other: nice on the surface, but not so nice not so far beneath the surface. i think i was trying to get her to hang out and was disappointed she kept avoiding it, and so i was a little upset about that. sound familiar hahahaha.  anyway thank GOD the dream was not too intense. not gonna ruin my day. it was short and i remember very little about it.

are women on christian mingle dotcom less slutty and disgusting than women on okcupid or tinder? it seems tinder skews young which is good…..but young also skews slutty which is bad. problem is, those older women arent any better. they were young sluts once, and you cant undo all those cox they took. now they just might be more slow to the secs because they are looking for a REAL MAN to support their bastard kids from a badboy. they are now old and mature enough to make YOU pay for the casual sex of their Slut Past. NOPE.

of course i hate casual sex, but i also dont like it when women give it away to everybody (but me hahaha) when they are young, then try to pretend they are a Decent Marriageable Woman when they get older. near 30.

its not like praying the gay away hahahaha. you just cant pray the slut past away hahahaha.

this is why i prefer women who were NEVER sluts EVER.  devalue yourself even once, devalue yourself forever. NOT EVEN ONCE.

why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

why commit to a 30 year old with kids who are not yours, when she was giving up dat ass to everyone when she was 20 and looked a lot better? even created New Human Life with some of them?  you kinda HAVE to have children with her to kind of balance the scales……but would you really WANT to? NO! every man wants his children to be born by a woman where her first child is HIS!!!!! you WANT to be the father of a womans FIRST child!!!! pop her child bearing cherry hahahaha. hehehe that sounds degenerate, but its really a beautiful and sacred thing.

POST SHRINK WRAP UP

hehehe been seeing the shrink every 3 weeks. had a decent session today where i went right for what i really wanted to talk about: that person and how can i get over her. dealing with this pain. getting over her. moving on. basically became a talking version of this blog hahahaha.

i told the shrink (LMSW 36 year old woman, not some fancy rich j00ish phd or god forbid md psychiatrist, so “shrink” sends the wrong message. this is a place where REAL Working Class people go, or also court ordered people. real people with real problems, and i would wager some of them get Real Help! I am very satisfied with the quality of muh “therapist” which I believe is what they call themselves. therapist or counselor. social worker hahahaha. clinical social worker.)

my concern that i wanted a dr phil court of relationship law authority to weigh the evidence and say that i didnt do anything WRONG, that i had not done a horrible crime. the shrink played the dr phil role and repeated that i had done nothing wrong. i am a gentle kind person who does not do monstrous things. i didnt do anything bad or horrible and i certainly didnt deserve this.

and rather than take the interpretation that she HATES me and ACCUSES me of doing something WRONG, its really a more LIKELY explanation that she was just like a frightened animal. completely overwhelmed, oh crap i dont know what to do i dunno what to do i dunno what to do, so you run away! run away!!!!!! she didnt know how to deal with it, so she just decided NOT to deal with it AT ALL. just run away from it. doesnt mean she hates me. she probably DOESNT hate me. because we were friends and she appreciated that. but she had NO idea how to deal with the feelings that i was showing. she probably read those signals correctly and said NO. I CANT HANDLE THAT. THIS CANT BE. and decided to run away from it.

shrink said she seems kinda BASIC in that she’s a first level thinker, not gonna overthink stuff too much, and the simplest solution is probably the best here: she just was confused, overwhelmed, and scared, fight or flight kicked it, so she flew. fled. fleed. she prob doesnt HATE me and is not saying i did anything WRONG, although yeah you can see how i could take that interpretation of it. it is a valid interpretation of the event. but not the only one, and probably not the simplest one. and she was a pretty simple person. simple. basic. not the sharpest knife in the drawer. first level. not a deep thinker. not an overthinker. slightly dim and dull. the constant MJ did not help either.

saying that she thought this was a betrayal and hates me…well thats an extra step for a very simple mind. basically she just felt overwhelmed, confused, couldnt deal with it, didnt want to deal with it, and ran away, and is certainly not going to come back to deal with the fallout. just literally avoid it forever and forget about it.

she probably didnt realize how STRONG my feelings were and when it dawned on her exactly how strong they were, she got scared and confused and overwhelmed. it wasnt just some little crush. and yeah i understand how that could be a scary thing, to have someone LOVE you when you dont LOVE them back.

what do you do when you are scared and confused? RUN AWAY! it doesnt mean you hate the person or think they wronged you…..especially when you used to be good longterm friends. she probably DOES feel bad. she’s just too afraid to DEAL with it. she doesnt WANT to deal with it. she wont contact me, and she will block me when i try to contact her. she literally just cant even.

of COURSHE that sucks even more for me, that its like insult on top of injury. that i am hurt MORE by her being a Frightened Animal than by here simply saying sorry i dont feel the same way, sorry.

really i just wanted my FEELINGS ACKNOWLEDGED. rather than blocked. no one INTENDS to harm the one they are dumping…..but dumpings are INHERENTLY painful, so the COURTEOUS thing to do is say, i KNOW this hurts you, and IM SORRY. even if you didnt technically do anything wrong. just be sorry for their pain. show some compassion in the face of their pain. that you are unintentionally causing. acknowledge their feelings as real.

anyway i said i wouldnt be doing any detective work anymore to find any more of her dating profiles.

its not like i did this obsessively, i did it ONCE. well….

i DID try to get on tinder with the intention of finding her. when technical issues stopped me from getting on tinder, i then tried okcupid. found her so fast its not even funny. looked at the profile ONCE. then soon after deactivated my okcupid so i wouldnt look at her profile ever again.

i do not obsessively, constantly look at profiles in other words. i stopped doing that shit when i was 25 or so hahahaha. i mean post rejection. pre rejection, i looked at the fb profiles all the time.

i expressed my displeasure with the Moral Relativism Slippery Slope that nobodys responsible for anything because everythings a matter of perception. NO. some things are literally wrong and are not merely just in your head.

so she did something wrong, but there was probably not malice behind it. she was just a simple creature. i kind of like that in women, because it makes you kinda a protector or patriarch; AND it ensures they wont be concocting elaborate schemes to screw you and hurt you. and will have less complicated hamster rationalizations.

but it also means they sometimes obtusely miss the obvious. or they get scared by complicated things like friends getting feelings and dont know how to deal with it.

just make this problem go away. i cant deal with it.

yeah its kinda shitty of me to do but i just cant deal with it. i just cant talk to him at all. so its shitty of me. so be it, i cant talk to him. yeahs its shitty of me, yeah im sorry to hurt him, but i just CANT talk to him. period. no hate or malice. just total paralysis and fear and running away and avoidance. period.

and there is plenty of explanation why she Is That Way: tough childhood, father abandoned her, that explains everything always. shit yeah its SAD.

but yeah just because she might not HATE me, doesnt mean she secretly wants to talk to me again, she just needs to be Pushed or Approached by me. see how good pushing worked in the past. what i needed to do was say THIS ENDS NOW, enough of this, i want to hang out soon or i will not be happy, you make some TIME for me baby. i want to hang out with you, why dont you want to hang out with me? why are you AVOIDING me INDEFINITELY?

also i looked at a message she sent me in april i think, and she said, and i quote, “OF COURSE WE’LL HANG OUT SOON”. now THAT is the DEFINITION of a MIXED MESSAGE.

to say we’ll hang out soon, and then continue avoiding me for months. MIXED MESSAGE. what was i SUPPOSED to think???? and of course i wanted to hang out. that was my ideal hahahaha. and i had an idealized vision of her, because thats what LUV DOES. you IDEALIZE the other person. put them on a little bit of a PEDESTAL. which is what Kabob Rapist PUA Manospheres dont seem to understand.

i do blame women because women are the gatekeepers of sex, they CONTROL THE SUPPLY. so there would not be these sleazy pickup artists, if there were no sleazy women giving it up to them. the women could just say no. JUST SAY NO TO CASUAL SEX. and i would wager only a very SMALL minoirty of those pickup sleazebags are ACTUAL rapists, in other words, if a woman refuses, the PUA will say ok fine baby, i’ll just go bang some other skank then. he’s not gonna hold the woman down and raep her. they may be degenerate, but theyre not THAT evil.

so yeah just say no to sodomy, ie degenerate sex, casual sex, and then the pua’s will disappear because there wont be any SLUTS to have casual sex with them!!!!

this doesnt absolve pua’s of all responsibility though. they should just say no to sluts. kinda hard for guys to turn down secs though. but still. to make a lifestyle and a whole movement about banging sluts your WHOLE LIFE LONG, thats fooking degenerate. maybe bang a FEW sluts at most, but you should be married to a nice gurl by the time you are 25 and she is 18 hahahaha and then immediately start having children.

as they say on the daily show episode 72

https://radio.therightstuff.biz/2016/02/17/the-daily-shoah-72-peanut-butter-gasmask-sandwiches/

dont Go Your Own Way, rather, Get Your Own Wife!!!!!

basically, being a PUA is like being a r-selected negro. MUH DICKIN your whole life, banging anything that moves, pump and dump, abandoning your children, being a deadbeat, only thinking about MUH DICK. we are BETTER than that.

of course this doesnt mean Man Up And Marry Those Sluts. NEVER Marry a Slut, or even an Ex Slut.

well, unless she is ASHAMED and REPENTANT of her slut days, wasnt TOO big of a slut back then, and could write you a 10,000 word essay right now on Why Slutting Is Bad and Shameful, and you could read it over and say yep she understands. ie not “being a slut is wrong because it makes jesus cry.” NO. of course it DOES, but thats not why its wrong. its wrong because it degrades the sacred purpose of sex and the sacred RESPONSIBILITY of women as life creators.

THINK LESS WITH YOUR CLITORIS AND MORE WITH YOUR UTERUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#ThinkWithYourUterusNotYourClitoris

#TWYUNYC

being a slut is the equivalent of being a MUH DICK PUA. muh clitoris. muh tingles. muh recreational casual no strings attached secs. NO. there SHOULD be strings attached. ALWAYS. strings are GOOD AND NATURAL AND RIGHT AND JUST.

cuz i admit, its HARD to find a woman who hasnt had a Slut Phase when she was Young and Stupid. I did stupid shit when i was young, lots of it, and i regret it now, and i’ve ALREADY written MANY 10,000 word essays on WHY its wrong and shameful to be a damn degenerate hedonist smoking MJ and drinking alcohol all the time, and being a damn coward not grabbing life by the horns, taking the path of least resistance. fook yeah i was a degenerate too, so i have NO RIGHT to turn down sluts.

SLUTS ARE THE BEST I CAN GET hehehehe.

yeah well i still dont like em. i dont care if i dont have the right to not like them hahahaha i will dislike them anyway.

but yeah she was not the sharpest knife in the drawer. part of that came from the MJ but i think part of it was natural too. especially when it came to THinking and Talking about Relationships. i was 9000000000000000 times more articulate and Intelligent than her in this area.

the better interpretation is that she jsut got SCARED, CONFUSED, and OVERWHELMED, said I cant deal with this, and just ran away.

NOT she HATES me for BETRAYING her. that is a bridge too far and she might not have been Sophisticated enough to come up with such a sophisticated error in logic.

well women arent logical of course but…..i mean the second situation is just more complicated and we should really go with occams razor just because why not. it would do ME a hell of a lot better to do occams razor, PLUS there is at LEAST a 50% chance the occam option is the correct one, so why not choose it????!!??!?!?!

lars ulrich is 25% jewish today i learned hahahaha from hearsay on his wikipedia hahahaha that one grandmother was jewish hahahahaha. yes it seems to check out. his full white grandfather married a jewish woman and lars father is thus half jewish hahahaha.

well, what if That Woman was not a Full Jew? if she were only a half jew, then lars would only be 12.5% jewish. and that’s not so bad is it?

its twice as good as being 25% hahahahaha.

for ME, 6.25% would be the MAXIMUM i would tolerate for mothers of muh children. the absolute maximum.

hehehe how many blacks would i tolerate the mother of my white children to have fooked in her colaburning past?

uh well at least one apparently HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

i cant even see myself supporting two. one is real iffy, two is just over the line.

also, its REALLY RARE that a woman is just with ONE black guy. AND they havent been with a lot of guys total. 99% of the time, if they been with one black guy, they’ve been with a LOT of guys, period, too many, and PROBABLY more than ONE black guy in there.

so i was facing a REALLY RARE UNIQUE situation in my own life. do i accept a woman who had been with one and only one black guy, and not a lot of guys total? i mean this sounds like a total UNICORN!

but that was the reality. well, NOW, she is probably going to BECOME a slut, add a LOT of guys to her once-small number, and PROBABLY add some more black guys to that too. damn. its SAD to see a nonslut BECOME a slut. and at an older age too. its SAD. usually a slut is a slut by the time they are 21. they dont START BEING a slut well AFTER 21. but thats the risk she is facing.

i guess i WANT her to become a slut because then it proves that i will have dodged a bullet. but what if she continues being a Prudent, Low Number, Non Casual Sex Liking woman? Virtuous and Moral? well good for her and her future husband hahahaha. bad for me hahahahaha.

yeah its just jeeeeeez. wish she coulda been more mature. just wrote a damn email, a text, had someone ELSE send a message on her behalf, done ANYTHING.

but its better to think of it as her RUNNING AWAY than her “throwing me away like a piece of garbage.”

but fook i sure feel like i was TALAPOG.

well, MUCH better to think of it as her RUNNING AWAY than her Punishing Me for Committing a Crime against her, or her Actively Hating me for a wrong reason, and doing this to me because of that hate.

she was just scared and completely overwhlemed.

oh well thats my FAULT though. i made her get completely overwhelmed.

yeah well my feelings werent gonna change. and she could have hung out wiht me rather than AVOIDED hanging out for 10 months, WHILE saying things like “yes we will hang out soon!”

0224

yeah so i think that was a real productive meeting with the shrink.

but it introduced a new bad idea: if i buy into the Healthier Occam explanation of she doesnt HATE me, she’s not MISUNDERSTANDING me as “betraying her”, and that in reality she was just scared and overwhlemed and didnt want to deal with it and Ran Away………THEN that might make her more likely to respond to me contacting her, than if she hated me. if she doesnt hate me, then i have a better chance at getting her to apologize to me.

and if she doesnt HATE me, perhaps I could Convince her to hang out with me again, we got along so well, lets restart our friendship, we are good people who are good for each other.

and then if i hung out with her, i would ABSOLUTELY try to make a Move on her; i would fall in love with her IMMEDIATELY, the love feelings would CERTAINLY come rushing back the moment she responded to me, and i would be scheming and pushing her to hang out and i would be ALL OVER HER trying to date her.

and that has NEVER worked out well. i have “Rekindled” things with woman2004 and 2005, and it sucked with both of them. i should have never went barking up those trees. it took courage yes, but it also did no good for me. i just got my hopes up AGAIN, and they disappointed me AGAIN, and i hated them more.

also, yes i would like an apology, but would it really be WORTH IT to reach out to her and ask for it? given all those others, given that my ultimate goal would be to Get With Her, no it wouldnt. PLUS what i really want is an unforced, unprompted apology. i want her to apologize of her own free will, not because i ask her to apologise. also, the ball has been in her court since……always really. since she started AVOIDING me in fooking fall 2014. so now im gonna send another ball to her court asking for an apology? fook no. the apology isnt WORTH IT if THATS what i have to do to get it.

PLUS: even if i COULD convince her to apologize, and convince her hang out….you think she would be all excited and happy and lovey dovey at that hangout? i would be trying to touch her and make out with her and she would probably be like ew no. im fooking 3 guys from tinder right now and you are just too weird. dont you remember when i said i wasnt into you.

and I would look pushy, because it WOULD be kinda pushy, and she would REALLY see me as the bad guy, AND she wouldnt understand or care about my pain abotu being thrown away. she would say UGH im GLAD i threw you away because you are a pushy annoying little faggot bitch, trying to scheme your way into muh pants. gtfo weirdo creeper, our friendship has been over for a long time. without taking any responsibility for the terrible ending of that friendship.

heh. this is the bad thing about being pushy. i dont think its the biggest crime in the world but women HATE it and its enough to convince them you’re the bad guy and they did NOTHING wrong and are RIGHT to treat you like shit. i dont think being pushy is that bad! i agree its not awesome, its beeta and weak, but its not as BAD as these women make it out to be!

so the alternative to being pushy and needling and wheedling and trying to Chip Away at them…..is to be direct and say…..i still have feelings for you, do you wanna try Dating? and i would have to say that very early. cuz that is my intention. i dont WANT to rekindle a platonic friendship, i still want to DATE her.

and what do you think she would say? UGH. SIGH. I JUST DONT KNOW. I NEED SOME SPACE.

HINT: THIS MEANS NO.

and then i would try to give them space, she would continue avoiding the issue, i would get impatient finally and start being pushy, and the more i pushed, the more she would shut down and pull away. just like what happened before. except maybe with more communication.

and theres a good chance that she would not be capable of GOOD communication on this. it would always be UGH. stop pushing me. stop being annoying. i dont know. im not sure. i dont know. i dont know. this is not fun. the guys from tinder are FUN. they dont ask all these intense questions.

she would always have one foot out the door in other words. she would not be fully committed to me. she wouldnt even be able to say YES or NO. she would say I DONT KNOW but PROBABLY mean NO. And I would have the pain of seeing her, and seeing her reject me, and seeing her grow to hate me, seeing her fook Fun Diseased Degens from Tinder, while being bitchy and avoiding me. more than likely ending in a Second Dumping, and maybe even a Second Ghosting, and this time I could be SURE that she hated me, for being pushy and annoying, AND would care even LESS about hurting me, because i was really a Jerk, she didnt realize what a Jerk I was, but I am, and I deserve to be shut down harshly.

it would likely play out like that, and thus be even WORSE than when i rekindled with w04 and w05. with them i was able to guilt them into a few make-out sessions. which got my hopes way up. but they didnt really want to date me tho, and essentially ended up dumping me a second time, and boy did i hate them for that. but i really brought it all on myself.

it would be DIFFERENT if she contacted ME, she apologized to ME unprompted, she asked ME to hang out, and she showed a lot of concern about MY feelings, and sincere remorse for hurting me, AND said YES to the idea of Dating, rather than I DUNNO. If she came up to me out of the blue, and was super NICE, and smiling and warm; and i touched her and she smiled, and then we started making out, and there would be no UGH or SIGH or Stahp It. Just Stahp. but rather yes, i have been thinking about this, and i think yes there is a good chance here. then THAT would be different.

but imagine if i through my pushiness i guilted her in to making out with me, and then having secs with me, and after just a little making out and one secs session, i would be more in luv with her than ever before. and imagine if she were to dump me right after that. i would be just as devastated as i was before, maybe even more, after having penetrated her soft white body which would DEFINITELY cause my feelings to get even STRONGER.

basically, she would need to have as STRONG of feelings for me as i have for her…..and that is basically IMPOSSIBLE.

I wouldnt need just a YES, in other words, but a STRONG YES.

when more than likely i would get an uncommittal, avoidant IDUNNO.

IF i were able to convince and push her to hang out.

because its still 70% chance at least that she would just not respond ANYWAY. She would be VERY likely to say, OH GOD ITS HIM AGAIN, HES BACK!!!!!! and then switch RIGHT back into flight mode and avoid, ignore, and block me. because she cant deal with it. i cant even.

also, if we reconnected, we would HAVE to deal with the fallout of the past. deal with that baggage of how things ended in the first place. deal with the things that led up to that. not just ignore those things and attempt to start off on a clean slate. becuase its not a clean slate and can never be, with past shit like that. the past is the past, its done and gone, but here IMHO we would NEED to resolve it, because its fooking unresolved as fook.

i think with the previous women where i reconnected, we never really dealt with the past, just ignored it.

also, they had just lost interest in me the second time around. shit they lost interest the FIRST time around, thats why they dumped me: they were just not interested in a rel. they were all idunno until a few weeks/months with the likes of me, mr needy and clingy, got them to make up their mind, to a DEFINITE NO.

and with That Woman, we never made out, had secs, or pseudodated in the first place! there was no ambiguity of us Going Through the Motions of an Intimate Relationship, doing things Lovers Do, like Making Out and Secs and Romance.

which is the benefit of having Romance Early. but then they always want to have Secs too early too. sluts. romance early is good because you’re signalling to each other that you view each other with Potential, you find each other attractive, youre interested in possibly dating them, you possibly might like like them, or get feelings for them.

its different than Friends First where one person has feelings, and the other person doesnt. its less one sided in other words.

that doesnt mean Friends First would never work. I still really like the idea of Friends First. I think Friends First guarantees that your feelings are strong and real and longterm. however its more painful when you get rejected hehehehe.

so, ideally, you would be Friends First, then BOTH people gradually develop feelings after time. BOTH.

also, just wanted to mention that there was no tension when i first met her and she was with the first guy, because i WONT EVEN ALLOW myself to get feelings for a woman who is not available, who has a longterm boifran. I will put her OFF LIMITS in my mind RIGHT AWAY. thats essentially what i did with her. i was like, shes got a boifran, well then she is off limits. simple as that. she’s just off limits. im not gonna get TOO close with her, I’m gonna keep this very professional and platonic. and i had no problem doing that.

but once that BF was GONE, i started feeling differently. this was NO COINCIDENCE. now that she WAS single, I was able to ALLOW MYSELF to start thinking about her differently. and THEN the tension came in.

but point is, I dont think its BAD to “force yourself” to consider the person “off limits” while they are with someone else. it doesnt seem like forcing. i honestly didnt have tension with her then, and didnt think of her that way. i didnt write about it, i didnt THINK about it.

literally! notice that before I Got Feelings, I barely even WROTE about her, other than to say she was a very nice girl, a decent female friend, and its kinda WEIRD that i’m not in luv with her, but i respect the rel she has with her BF, and i honestly have no desire to interfere with that. and that was true!

it was only AFTER they were done, that shit started getting PROBLEMATIC hehehehe.

I am really good at stopping feelings from starting i guess. oh hey thats good if i ever want to start having degenerate casual sex, i can force myself not to ever get feelings hahahaha.

well no. i think when you make out, cuddle, and especially have SEX with someone, it triggers something primal in your brain, oxytocin probably, and it MAKES you have feelings for them, and you shouldnt try to extinguish that, or else you become a cold heart cok carousel rider with the 1000 cok stare. burn yourself out. not good.

yeah. its just sad. we got along SO GOOD (well) as Just Friends. We supported each other and liked and respected each other and made each other feel good and it was nice just Spanning Time together. A Real Good Connection. It was a platonic friendship but not like with a man, just because she was naturally gentler and warmer and more feminine than a man, i liked that, and all this really CAUSED me to get feelings for her. I thought it could have been smooth transition. we would essential keep our good, close, friendly, supportive rel, and “just” add loving secs, loving cuddles, making out to it. and spend more time together, doing all that stuff, and just become closer as a result. it seemed like a change in degree rather than in kind. like we would go from becoming good friends, to becoming great very very close intimate emotionally supportive friends, who cuddled and fooked and loved each other. it was a change but the change made sense, a sensible continuation down this path, our shared path hahahaha.

she was great as a Platonic Friend, and I think she would have been great as a Gurlfran, but fact is, she would have been TERRIBLE as a gurlfran, as shown by the way she acted. i honestly didnt expect. she was a decent good friend who showed compassion and support and sweetness, so i figured if she didnt want to take it to the next level, she would reject me with that same compassion and caring about my feelings. rather than turning into a completely different person. i didnt expect that.

but yeah. i remember the platonic days and how WELL we got along; and how MUCH that DIFFERED from the end. she couldnt handle it and became SO distant and SO different!!!!

very sad. sad sad sad. it was a good friendship that had inherent value. she was a big person in my life. i used to be a big person in her life too. it didnt always used to be so one sided. it wasnt all a fantasy in my head like it was with previous women.

i watched intervention and there was sonia and julia

which i had never seen the whole episode and had been wanting to. but it was very sad and moving. but i had some interesting reactions. like i thought the girls were really cute, well they needed to GAIN WEIGHT hahaha and stop being sickly skeletons. gain like 30 or 40 pounds i dunno. and they obviously needed to be separated. and it was obviously their parents loved them unlike some of the intervention parents who are very cold and hateful and unfeeling and unloving. however the parents can never understand, and they unintentionally enable, and really cant help the girls. plus i dont think they needed to give their “bottom lines”, where you basically say, if you dont go to rehab, i am disowning you and kicking you out on the street and giving you tuff luv. the one girl says, i dont want to hear the bottom line, and the mother says it anyway.

in some cases the bottom line may be good, but not here. are you seriously gonna throw these poor gurls out on the street? they would be eaten alive. they would be raped the shit out of, and die very quickly. and the parents loved the gurls enough that i dont think they WOULD kick them out on the streets. but they were terrible commuincators in english. i thought they should have done the intervention in their native polish language rather than making the parents speak their horrible english. (they should have spoken much better english after being in USA 20+ years.) (I also love Poles, they are some of the greatest people in the world ever, so naturally i wanted to marry one of these polish gurls.) I thought a better bottom line would be, have one sister stay with the older sister, and the other twin could stay with the parents.

Or, better yet, arrange a marriage with a decent young man! i honestly think that would be a viable solution here. they could certainly find a young, well-adjusted, loving, non abusive, gainfully employed, white polish young man/men for the gurls to marry! there are men LINING UP to WHITE KNIGHT for Severely Emotionally Disturbed Gurls!!!!!

and then i thought, how weird is this. I am saying i would wilfully marry a gurl who is BATSHIT insane, just because she is cute and young and comes from a traditional family and probably hasnt been with a lot of guys. They gave the impression of not being sluts. Because their Traditional Father would not allow it. and they had Secsual Innocence about them. you can feel it when a gurl hasnt been with Too Many Gurls. Slut Radar.

SLUT RADAR! SLUTDAR!!!!!!

they were batshit insane, but they were not sluts! and here i am lining up to marry a young gurl i dont know, who is batshit fooking insane, clearly, and would always have that baggage, and that wasnt ultimately a dealbreaker for me! its more important that they were young, cute, innocent, trad fam, polish! with those pros i could overlook a HELL of a lot, including insane Codependence and Deadly Anorexia!

I thought, well, I’ll take the one with PRoblem Hair cuz she is a little cuter, well hell I’m an old loser, I’ll take the LESS cute one i dont care, I will treat her well, not cheat on her, get some food in her, put some babies in her. having a baby would fix her right up! also i would treat her well, get her to a decent weight, because I like to eat, so i would get her to eat. I would find a way. I’d keep her apart from her twin sister when it was unhealthy. I would cuddle with her and make babies with her and make her nice and healthy and happy. just promise that she wont abandon me or screw me over or cheat on me and we will live happily ever after in a traditional family. i am even interested in learning polish language, i fooking LOVE poles, i come from polish stock myself and would LOVE to have polish babies with a polish gurl like your batshit crazy anorexic but not-slutty daughter sir.

i would take a super crazy anorexic NUTCASE, over a garden variety slut. over a gurl that has been with…..more than 5 guys.

because a slut is inherently crazy. being a slut makes you crazy and sociopathic and antisocial. average slut is crazier than a BATSHIT crazy nonslut! ie, sluts are MORE THAN BATSHIT crazy!!!!!

they seemed to be doing OK after their treatment, gaining some much needed weight, having Healthy Boundaries, and then it said that they went on to Graduate College and Move to Different Cities. of course that got my mind working. what did they major in. what JOBS did they get. how do batshit crazy people interview for Good Jobs and GET them. which essentially makes them more Emotionally and Life Mature than me, hahahahaha.

did they become huge SLUTS after they went back to college/ became successful independent adults? or did they stick with their traditional family values?

their older nontwin sister seemed ok and she got married at a nowadays young age to a decent looking goy. i dont think SHE slutted it up either. and said nope no carousel for me, i want to get MARRIED. this is the proper way for all women to be.

A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PATIENT PREDATOR

0118

heh in a way I feel betrayed. i know she didnt LUV me but I thought she still liked me as a friend and cared abotu me as a person. well maybe she did. all im saying is i didnt think she would or was capable of throwing me away like that. because really. its not that hard to write one email or one text, or delegate your mom as your messenger even.

and again this wasnt drifting away. ive had the drift away occur, and there you always remember the other person fondly. and could probably pick back up again with the person if you saw them again. nobody did anything betraying or hurtful.

there is something called “the slow fade” which doesnt make sense to me. this is when you gradually stop responding to someone. that sounds kinda shitty.  i am terrible about initiating contact with people but i always RESPOND.

anyway my god. i will never do this to someone. say some undesireable woman falls in luv with ME and i say oh god this has to end, i def dont luv you. i would treat her like a human being at least and tell her baby this has to end, i just dont feel that way, IM SORRY, i cant be who you want me to be, so this has to end, best wishes, the end. dont waste your time with me, find someone who does luv you.

see how quick and easy that was?

well maybe she didnt want to deal with me trying to Negotiate Afterwards. like Pushing after the Breakup and refusing to accept it. kinda like i did with woman2005. she dumped me but i didnt accept it and continued talking to her and trying to get her to take me back.

not that woman2015 knew anything about that hahahaha. besides i am a little more mature now than i was then.

heh. all the trouble people have with relationships are due to womens shitty communication skills. period. men are natural born high verbal IQ, good communicators, and problem solvers. women are like bratty sullen children that expect you to read their crazy chaotic confused mind. period. hahahaha. its amazing men CAN get feelings for women. well, women can control that by turning on that “feminine charm” of being nice, warm, and supportive, interested, add some cuddling and secs and boom the ans oxytocin is turned on. then she does a 180 and is a cold brick wall. wtf. so stupid.

SELF SOOTHING. this is a phrase i had never heard a year ago but ive been paying more and more attention to it. i could never self soothe. when you get anxious or mad you have to be able to soothe yourself. beating off to pron was a way i THOUGHT i was self soothing. oh yes goy its a good way to relieve tension and anger, just beat off erry day to degen pron. NOPE.

other big methods of self soothing were alcohol and MJ.  NOPE. also not self soothing.

cuz all those, you’re taking an EXTERNAL STIMULUS. dependent on somehting outside of you.

now cuddling with another person is indeed very soothing and better than all those things, but its still external. besides, they dont really understand you goy, theyre losing interest in you anyway hahahaha and wont be around to cuddle for long.

so you need to be able to self soothe and just sit there by yourself, no external ANYTHING, and say, ok, calm down, keep calm and carry on, everything is gonna be ok. and this is very hard to do! many of us are horrible at this!

i sure am! if anythign we self blame and self torture and get yourself even MORE stressed out when left to your own internal devices! and using external poison like drugs or pron might even be BETTER! because it gives at least some minor short term comfort.

shit i know what she would say: “he was just acting TOO WEIRD and i just couldnt take it anymore.” the end.

yeah well like it or not you played a role in this baby.  i didnt decide to just turn weird overnight. if you were willing to listen to me explain the weirdness then it would be so weird.

feels like -3 outside yikes hahahaa.

someone on TRS said to neets, go get yourself a shitty min wage job, because thats not a job a nonwhite could be taking. if for nothing else.

yeah things were weird. i agree. but i was willing to talk and exchange thoughts and feelings and words and essentially willing to face this like an adult. she was not. not willing to talk. not willing to share anything. just run away. and

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/carolyn-hax-squashing-romantic-feelings-for-friend-isnt-a-long-term-solution/2012/04/10/gIQArq1s8S_story.html

http://www.xkcd.com/513/

this kind of stuff implies that women have no agency hahahaha well the xkcd i mean. i will eventually tell grils that i like them and then things will go horribly wrong. i think the xkcd is implying a weak guy who is in luv with the gril from the beginning but does a Deception Friendship because its Safer.

thats NOT what i did. we just became friends naturally with no deception. then a long time afterwards, i got feelings. this xkcd is not relevant to that at all.

but maybe she thought i was deceiving her. which would be a horrible misunderstanding. that she wasnt willing to listen to me mansplain haahah.

also unlike the wapo letter writter, i did not have feelings “FOR YEARS”, also i did not see any HURDLES other than her dating other guys.  so when she became single i began showing my feelings, she got increasingly uncomfortable, she refused to hang out with me, and that escalated till it exploded, she stopped talking to me, AND i confessed my full feelings hahahaha.

i never really made myself a martyr FOR YEARS and watched her get with SEVERAL guys. when i met her she was with one guy. that was ok with me. i didnt have feels. then then broke up. then i kinda got feels. then i deduced she was dating some other guy. then i really got feels! then soon after she was done with him. then i turned up the hints to her. then she got more and more uncomfortable. then shit blew up and she walked away forever hehehe. although i did tell her how i felt. but maybe she didnt read it cuz she was already blocking me by then hahaha.

either way i took a lot more action, a lot more quickly, than the wapo guy.

there is a male commenter who says that all men are passive agressive patient predators. i would disagree of coursh, but what if she thought i was being a Patient Predator? I WASNT! IT LEGIT CAME ABOUT LATE, NOT EARLY!!!! this is a point i tried to hammer home because i realized it could be misunderstood as deception., if she thought i had dual intent all along. WHICH I DIDNT. i am not a fooking liar who was “secretly waiting to pounce.”

besides if she wasnt reading my signals, then she wouldnt have reacted the way she did. in other words, she WAS reading my signals BECAUSE she was reacting by pulling away / shutting down. I changed, she changed. not i changed, she stayed the same. if she stayed the same, she prob would have hung out with me and continued being friendly to me!

so yeah i am glad to be morally superior to the pussy beeta letter writer hahaha.

anyway women get feelings for their male friends all the time, usually the alpha ones who have their choice of women.

it was never on the back burner, it was never discontinuous, it really couldnt have gone on any longer than the almost 10 months the feelings did. the started and then it was off to the races. and grew and boiled until they boiled over. they never cooled off. or simmered for YEARS.

europeans spell kebab kebab, and some americans spell it kabob hahahaha.

its hard to find advice on the internet here because this is a very unique situation. because she was not actually my lover, but she was not quite my friend either. its a former friend abandoning you and flipping out when you fall in luv with them.

here is some great copypasta reagrding gay degeneracy which ifound on TRS, but was originally posted on MPC i think, these are the type of people you want adopting children and raising families:

QUOTE:

I worked in an inner city major hospital as an ED nurse for 12 years. I have so many stories I don’t even know where to start. The accidents, illnesses…things people couldn’t control should not be talked about. But the others….insanity. For a period of time in Houston there was a trend among certain members of an extreme segment of the gay community to have “mummification parties.” A man comes into the ED in a home-made body cast, head to toe, with openings for his nose, mouth anus and genitals. The idea, I was told was to force ejaculation through the use of a cattle prod, rectally, and to use the other openings as the participants wished, while the “mummy” was helpless to resist. This one group decided to use direct 220 V current from a dryer outlet, placing a metal rod into his rectum, and a clamp on his scrotum. The man had expelled all fluids he had to expel, and had essentially cooked in the body cast. His eyeballs had exploded. I was never sure why he was even brought in by EMS, because he was obviously dead, but I got the initial job of cutting the cast off. The smell of burnt flesh was something that was intense enough to make me retch. Describing the state of the body is probably not even required…just think of a human hot dog, cooked far too long, and left to die in a plaster cast. His abdomen, unable to expand in the cast, had split and cooked feces and viscera had saturated the cast. Once the autopsy was done, it was found he had dozens of broken bones. This was perhaps one of the most horrific deaths I had ever seen. I’m sure someone will say I am bashing gays here…bullshit, I’m bashing human stupidity and the fact that a human life was utterly wasted.

END

this could just be an urban legend which never happened. there was a similar story about a dead gay mummy in houston, in the weekly world news. not nearly this horrifying tho.

hehehe. AM I EXPECTING TOO MUCH OUT OF WOMEN?

i am butthurt about not being communicated with, about being thrown away and treated like dirt……but maybe women just arent ABLE to be any more mature than this, and EXPECTING them to be mature is just unfair to them! men and women are DIFFERENT! so we should expect different levels of Relationship Management Maturity!

yes i believe men and women are very different but i dont believe they are different in this way. i mean i already know for a fact that not all women are like this. shit.  in fact the MAJORITY of my rejections from women have been dealt thru verbal communications.

those are just so long ago and this one seems more real. yeah its more recent but those other things REALLY happened too.

note: there are tons of women complaining about men who are not mature. but we know there are plenty of mature men out there. these women are just mad they CHOSE POORLY.

i didnt choose poorly though. i thought she WAS mature. she SEEMED mature. mainly because she was chill, undramatic, not hysterical, down to earth, and didnt open her legs to every chad, tyrone, and mohamed.

well the lesson learned was to be autistic about maturity hahaha because just because a girl isnt a SLUT, doesnt mean she can handle her rel with YOU like an ADULT.

also the only reason she was chill was because she was addicted to MJ hahahahahahaha.

EXPAND YOUR MIND and RELAX in a safe holistic non addictive way, goy!!!!!

really this probably enabled her to become so good at IGNORING and AVOIDING and ABORTING things. just smoke MJ and FORGET IT ALL………

well she handled other guys maturely….maybe the common denom here is ME. i am so fooked up i dont deserve to be treated maturely. or with any respect. heh. well other women had the guts to tell me, rather than just avoiding me.

now i didnt believe them.

WELL thats wrong, i believed woman2012!!!!!

and i sorta beleive woman2015……..i just really wish shed done it differently! i mean i believe she doesnt want to date me hahahahaha. but why do it so hatefully. well it wasnt hate it was just cowardice and immaturity and avoidance. end result ie muh pain is the same though. muh fee fees.

gotta get TOUGHER!!!! how do you do that? LIFT! and go out there and approach every day, and get rejected every day!

i really dont even care about approaching though, i still want HER even though i know its over. i dont want anyone else. i mean i dont even notice gurls anymore who arent super hawt…..and those are out of the league anyway. like if they arent a 20 year old perfect 10, they are invisible to me.

even though she was a 25 year old 6 or 7! but to me she was muh perfect 10 because loving somebody brings them UP a few points. not all men can appreciate this or even understand it. some men would say i am lying, but i am not. she was a 7 at BEST but to me she was the purtiest gurl in the world.

just be moar alpha bro. this wouldna happened if i had just been more alpha. so qed it was my FAULT.

not all women are like that. the vast majority of women who have rejected me have been mature enough to TELL me.

DIDNT EVEN TRY

108

it has been like 85 days since i was destroyed and today i feel meh i dunno of course angry and disappointed about that but also worried about muh future and how i threw it all away “simply” because i didnt want to work with her being a damn hateful B to me hahahaha.

LETTER PORTION:

yeah i know it sucks when somebody is annoying you, but couldnt you see where i was coming from? that i wanted to talk, to figure a problem out? sure i was about as mature as a 16 year old in handling this, but you were mature as a 2 year old hahahaha.

imagine when you first met [main bf] you started off as just friends. you became good friends over the course of 2 years. then you realized you liked him as more than a friend and wanted to have a more intimate rel with him. then imagine as soon as you realized that, he began pulling away from you more and more over the next 10 months. you would try to hang out with him and talk to him and send him signals, but he kept pulling away. but on the surface you would pretend to be friends which gave you hope that you would at least settle this someone. but it was incrasingly stressful and one day he stopped talking to you altogether. you knew there was tension but you didnt expect this. also imagine you both worked together at a job you absolutely despised and which made you really nervous. but he seemed to be ok with it. but that didnt help you any because he was distant from you and didnt really want to help you with the job, let alone be your friend and hang out with you like he used. you hadnt even hung out in 10 months. no hanging out, no dinners, no movies, no good talks. you could not take it much longer, it felt liek something was gonna break. you wrote him a letter expressing your desire to talk and resstablish a connection but he didnt do anything in response. and then imagine the nice relationship you had never existed, and ended before it began, with him suddenly dumping you and getting really mad at you, when all you really wanted to do was have an honest serious talk with him about how you liked him a lot. the end.

can you see how that would be pretty bad for you?

i was also angry at how you NEVER EVEN TRIED. I may have tried in a ridiculous way, but i tried. you did not seem to try at all. even if you had just told me “im trying” that would have been better. or saying “i really want to try”. but that would involve talking to me hahaha ok thats angry. i am sort of angry at you. i wasnt perfect but neither were you, and you really disappointed me, i think you could have tried a lot more, i thought you cared about me more, so yes i am angry about that. i will get over it but it takes time. im getting over it slowly and forgiving you slowly and letting go slowly but one day it will be 100%.

 

 

////// END LETTER PORTION

yeah going on linkedin is rarely a good idea because you see how successful everyone is. making a good living, doing jobs at like age 23 that you could never get hired into at age 30, making new connections every week, looking and doing professional things, moving from job to job with no gaps.

also there i can still stalk the female. she is not active at all, in fact i was her one and only connection, and since i dropped that on my initiation, she now has had 0 connections ever since i did that. so naturally whenever i go on linkedin i look to see if shes updated her profile, made any more connections, etc.  i suppose its inevitable. i mean anyone whos anyone is on linkedin. if you want to be a responsible middle working class adult and make more than 15 DAH, you have to be on linkedin or youre fooked.

but i saw some weird stuff, like people who went to undergrad at the same prestigious top 30 university in the world as did I, and rather than go to Harvard Law or Stanford PhD or UPenn MBA, they did a masters degree in something kinda useless at a second or third tier uni (no, not an online thing, that would be like 5th tier!) and of course are now not working in that field whatsoever, because jobs dont even exist for it. but rather than complain and whining and freaking out, they just Suck It Up and work their client manager job or whatever and make 17 DAH hahahaha.

yesterday i worried a bit o she dumped me because i pushed her because i was too passive aggressive to her.

then i realized how ridiculous i sounded. i was PA to her???? she was EVEN MORE PA to ME!!!!!!!!!!

but thats just because i was PA to her, so i forced her to be PA right back. every action has equal and opposite reaction.

ok well this reaction was NOT equal in magnitude, it was WAY out of proportion. and way more PA.

i was like wanna hang out wanna hang out, she was like not right now but later, then i never want to talk to you again hahahaha.

again none of this is spectacular, 1000000000s of other people have experienced same thing.

BUT it IS different, cuz we were friends for 2 years before all this, so yeah i think that entitles me to more respect, more of a chance to talk, being treated better, from being a person in her life that she knew and liked.  so show me some god damn sympathy when you Have To Let Go of me at least.

EVERY job is not going to train you properly. EVERY job is gonna throw you to the wolves. so you “JUST” have to ask questions when you can, when they dont make you feel like an idiot who doesnt belong there, and or fake your way through it and hope you get away with it. then if you get caught, say oh well i thought thats the way it was done, and i had to act quickly to service the customer. SORRY WONT HAPPEN AGAIN.

cuz youd really like to say, TRAIN PEOPLE BETTER, but you cant say that, because they never will, why would they.

this is why CONFIDENCE and BALLS OF STEEL are needed in EVERY job, and i just dont have those things wawaawaawawawawaw.

figure it out or YA FIRED.

people try their best but they Just Dont Get It Fast Enough…..and theyre fired for it.

its not enough to be smart and capable……you have to be FAST.

this is why i failed at every job ever hahahahahah.

no thats just not true, that is a Cognitive Distortion. i actually did GOOD (“Well” i know is the correct word, but i have to be a chameleon and adjust my Language to the people around me, do they speak Working Class or do they speak Middle Class hahahahahaha) plus my sympathies are more with the Underdog Working Class, than the Soft Degenerate Nihilistic Faggot Sissy Middle Class.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mennonites_in_Mexico

i dont know how i ended up here. possibly by researching enclaves and exclaves. yeah. stuff like the “northwest angle” in minnesota.

staring at google maps again. channel tunnel, weird shit by bhutan, india, nepal, tibet, pakistan, northeast poland, lithuania, kaliningrad, bialystok, crimea, bla bla bla.

was i to blame here? did i CAUSE this? i always lose sight of the fact she probably would ahve rejected me ANYWAY even if both our Conflict Resolution skills were not shitty!

she did this because she was extremely annoyed at me, and when you get extremely annoyed at someone, you just want to be done with them completely.

when was the last time i was extremely annoyed with someone? well kinda right now, with her. but i dont want to be done with her! really i cant say. some male acquaintances, people that were never really FRIENDS. i never really liekd them to begin with!

yeah i never had a similar situtaion, namely a female friend falling in luv with ME and me being like ehhhhhh i dont think so.

but i like to think i would have treated them better. every other time somebody annoyed me, it was really different. one guy i disagreed with for being a soulless autistic nihilist annoying sperg; another guy annoyed me because he was weird and narcissistic and overbearingly homoerotic and weird and bipolar and almost borderline.

i was none of these things to her. i was just gently pushing her to hang out.

i wasnt even really passive aggressive in that, other than i was not directly stating “lets hang out, because i want to talk about how im in love with you.” it was just lets hang out sometime, or wanna hang out ths weekend, or wanna go see this movie with me, or wanna go to this restaurant with me ill buy, wanna go to the park with me this weekend, etc etc.

and if on friday she said something like “see you on MONDAY” which she started doing, that was her hint that she didnt want to hang out on the weekend.  of course i got tired of that and would say in response to that “what u doing this weekend”. and she would say doing something with her family. which is a lot better than hanging out with Guys and partying. or im always hanging out with my other friends and i never want to hang out with you.

but yeah i was careful about not being too pushy so i would only ask to hang out once every two weeks. and get some sort of nonanswer like the above.

prettty clear signals right? yeah but i was in denial because she used to be my friend and we used to hang out and sometimes she even asked ME to hang out!!!!!!!! she wasnt some gurl i had met 2 months ago who i developed an infatuation with but had never hung out with even once!!!!!!

she got mad and snapped at me because i would visit her sometimes when i was on Break or on Lunch or when i was leaving, just to small talk for 2 minutes. me doing that was too much for her.

what do you do when someone’s boundaries are unreasonable? like they have 1000000000000000000 boundaries that make dealing with them a MINEFIELD? walking on eggshells, etc.

so do you say some of those boundaries are not valid? i thought all boundaries were valid. no at that point they need to learn they are being unreasonable, so they need to Go To Therapy hahahahahaha. she needs a shrink.

these women dont need a MAN, they dont need a BABY, they need a SHRINK to help them deal with the fact that they didnt have a good family hahahahaha.

course i had a good family and i still turned out a screwup hahahaha. cant get a job, cant get a woman, the only accomplishment ive done in my life is get a worthless stupid Bachelors Degree. Arts of COURSE hahahaha.

hehehe being anxious and weird is employability kryptonite. you HAVE to be a confident extravert normalfag with confidence and gurlfrans and interests. blogging about being a loser and heartbreak and being an r9k neet virgin does not count!

some people say that a loving wife gives them moral and emotional support and generally makes life seem a lot easier because who cares if you are trying to do confusing shit for angry customers all day when you have the luv of your life waiting at home to cuddle you and make you strong again. and not dump you for being weak and vulnerable, but strengthen and help you turn your weakness into strength by cuddling with them for an hour and them telling you you can do it, i luv, ill always be here for you to make things better after a shitty day. and we can cuddle and smoke MJ sometimes and watch tv and movies and go for walks and hold hands and make out and then have luving tender monogamous oxytocinsecs hahahahaha.

i will never know the inner workings of her mind. i do know that she was saying “NO” to me. was she saying, yes, no, or maybe?

she was certainly not saying yes.

i try to delude myself that she was saying “maybe, just not right now, give me more time and space.” if thats what she were REALLY saying, she would have SAID it, she would NOT have

  1. cut me off completely
  2. never responded to anything
  3. unfriend AND block me

she would have said “ill respond to you some day” when i said “please respond please respond please respond”. not nothing.

similar to the “anything thats not a yes is a no” idea.

what would a trusted friend say to me?

“yep its rough but the best thing here is just to move on. shes probably not gonna change her mind, and you contacting her every 6 months is not good for you. it sucks to get your heart broke, but shes not gonna change her mind.”

i had some kraft ranch dressing. it was ok but idk lol. it seemed weird lol so i dumped it. no it was technically past its best by date and like 80% gone so i got some “hidden valley” ranch. see if thats any better.

yeah it was. i think the kraft was too thick. i want it a little Runnier hahahaha.

google good job for depressed person hahahahahahahaha

nothing. because unconfident, anxious, weird, angry, introverted, shy, pessimistic, confused people dont deserve a job.

but everybodys gotta have a job to get ANY respect.

but if you are a single mom waitress, youre not gonna get any respect anyway, because no one appreciates how hard your job is, plus you are a whore in your personal life. take a different dick every night and let badbois molest your children. but damn do they do a good job taking care of 20 tables, multitasking. i could never do that.

but yeah my big worry now is, I WILL NEVER FIND A BETTER WOMAN. THIS IS THE BEST I WILL EVER DO. ITS ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE. i will have to settle for someone not as good as here, therefore i will always be comparing women to her, and basically always fooking thinking of HER for the rest of my life. i go and bang some 35 year old single mom skank years from now and think o god i wish i was with HERRRRRRRR instead!

yeah i know i thought that BEFORE and i ALWAYS found a better woman, but this time is different, because i’m OLD AS SHIT now! I’ve since turned the corner! i wont be able to get 25 year old gurls to hang out with me any more AT ALL!!!!!!! so its only 35 year old + single momz with fupas and tattoos and shitty hair and shitty skin from here on out! post wall women! whcih is all i am worth as a 35 year old loser who only makes 10 DAH for 30 hours a week!

who only makes 300 dollars a week, 1200 a month, 14400 a year! who makes LESS THAN 15K A YEAR!!!!! at age 35, 40, 45, 50!!! cuz he never had any ambition or drive! the most he ever achieved was a BA degree hahahaha. he had POTENTIAL at age 20, thats why he pulled some cute gurls briefly around age 20. but by age 30 and no potential realized, no women for you hahahahaha.

yeah its hard to respect Single Mothers because You Get To PICK your man. you get to PICK the father of your children. and you PICK a maniac or deadbeat and have CHILDREN with him. how can you make that big of a mistake so casually? and you look around you and all the women in their 20s, if they are not Professional Middle Class women getting Careers and Abortions and Cocks, they are Working Class women with tattoos and Bastard Babies! believe me i would LOVE To find a Happy Medium!

and i thought i did. a working class gurl who exercised Discretion and Restraint and had no tattoos and who was Different hahahaha.

just because you find a Gurl Whos Different, doesnt mean that things will work out differently!

i have to remind myself of “Woman 5”, who I dropped from the “Woman” lineup because i decided i wasnt really in luv with her because i didnt get my Heart Broke by her, or she was markedly in the Second String of Memorable INfatuations. anyway i think things could have turned out ok with me and her if we ever lived in the same town and could hang out regularly.

then we could hang out one on one and she could eeventually reject me in the worst way hahahaha.

well with her, i knew RIGHT AWAY that i kinda was Interested in her, plus she didnt have a 4 year BF when i met her. so yeah that situation was entirely different.

some say “depressed” aka DESPAIRING people tend to Ruminate more , make a mountain out of a molehill, blame themselves for tiny things that normies would have forgotten about long ago. therefore a hard Breakup is even harder for A Despairer.

stefan molyneux is a hyper energy filled extravert normalfag who has worked 10000000 jobs in his life including a waiter. i am kinda jealous of this. maybe i should just get a job as a waiter to prove ot myself i could do it. hahahaha. well what i did was KINDA LIKE being a waiter. and a cook all at once. people call you, have weird shit that you have to fix, you have no idea what they’re talking about, so you try to think on your feet, stay calm, and gather information very quickly, and carry out complex fookin procedures according to shitty articles and tier 2 bitches who treat you like shit. stupid shit, because you arent learning super confusing shit fast enough and have to suck their dick. then i say, im not stupid bitch, i got a bachelors degree from a top 30 university of the world hahahahahah. was it a useful degree? no? noone cares then, ya slow learning anxious moron. welcome to the real world bitch.

google how to bullshit

http://wallstreetinsanity.com/how-to-bullshit-your-way-through-anything/

written by a millennial listicle clickbait WOMAN but still some good points, like say “ive got this under control” and never ask for help and use fake statistics and sources. but the trouble is coming up with those on the spot.

http://www.collegetimes.com/college-life/how-to-bullshit-your-way-through-life/43642

http://www.practicalhacks.com/2009/09/10/twenty-something-job-seeker-how-to-dramatically-increase-your-chances-of-getting-the-job/

tfw you are no longer a twenty something job seeker because you never got a decent job during your twenties hahahahahah and just failed and underachieved from age 20 to 29…..and beyond!

http://www.livingwithballs.com/bullshit-job-interview-questions-and-answers/

did another 4.2 miler. i would like to do at least 10 miles a day hahahaha. that might result in SOME weight loss, and also i think i have a lot of negative emotions that need to get out. i need to do TONNES of writing, and appropriate good writing at that, and tonnes of Walking/jogging. its EASIER to walk/jog cuz theres no WRONG way to do it! its ALL good! so better to walk than to write.

when i write its just negative thoughts all the time. and that is all DESPAIR IS.

if you are writing despairing negative thoughts, as i often do, STOP and go out an WALK for at LEAST 4 miles. ideally 5. i was thinking i could go for at least another hour today but it was getting dark. and then i thought well i will sign up for planet fatness for 10 dollars a month during the winter so i can walk 10 miles a day during the WINTER…..which is of course when we all gain weight and get super despairing.

so i actually felt GOOD about that idea. so i Sat With My Feelings. I Felt My Feelings hahahahahaha.

but one way to look at it is….I TRIED. She didnt TRY at all.

i cant blame her for not having feelings for me. but i can blame her for the way she ended the rel. the worst possible way. but i will forgive her eventually. but i still want her back. all women are bitches and whores. disgusting. maybe if i start abusing them they will stop dumping me and think ima  real man hahaha.

i heard an interesting thing, a real abuser doesnt stop and worry if he’s an abuser. he just goes ahead and abuses. cuz sometimes i worry if i am actually an abuser. if i will one day abuse a women, or if my passive aggressive bullshit and jealousy could be considered abuse.

well jealousy might lead to abuse sometimes but it doesnt CAUSE it if that makes sense. i think jealousy is awesome. you should never be ashamed of being jealous. bitches get jealous all the time when its guys they are really into. cant say i have ever had women get jealous over ME. that would be nice hahahaha.