IT IS LIKE LOSING A CHILD

make sure the apr 15 post is done

sept 9

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

ok took some nyquil, full 30 mL, at 6.15pm.

i just wanted to know what she wanted me to take away from this. in other words, did she WANT to hurt me? yes or no? And that I can’t tell. well at least i can say i didn’t deserve fookin painful revenge like that. but i want to know if she wanted to hurt me or not. normal people dont want to hurt anyone.

once again, the simplest explanation is the best: she didnt REALLY WANT to hurt me, but she just took the path of least resistance. least resistance. we already knew she didnt like trying or putting in effort.

heh. did you WANT to HURT me? the only time i ever wanted to hurt anyone was when some gurl totally broke my heart and then went on to enjoy her life of being a carefree fun luving slut, and i still sorta saw them sometimes. i wanted them to feel a little bit of the pain i was feeling, to be more remorseful for breaking muh heart. i wanted whatever chad THEY luved, to break THEIR heart.

yeah i guess i felt that for her too. but it was never really strong hate or anything. just sadness and disappointment and oh god my life is over. i didnt want to K myself but I did feel there was nothing to live for hahahahaha. one of the most important people in muh life was gone forever.

the other day i was watching die hard 1 on tv and i was like sheeeeeeeeeeeit its SHAMEFUL that I never really sat down and watched this all the way thru, because this is a CLASSIC that I can TOTALLY understand how people have watched it HUNDREDS of times and is their favorite Action Thriller of All Time. People have seen it 100s of times, can recite every line, every movement, and I totally see why. yet i had never even seen it ONCE.  i mean i had seen bits and pieces of course. but the whole movie beginning to end? nope. and that is a SHAME. that is SAD.

of course it is totally the type of movie i would luv to watch while cuddling with a waifu. like that woman. do i want to cuddle and watch die hard with this woman? or am i indifferent? i better not be!

sept 10

hmm i am wondering if i should officially lower my price to 12 dollars an hour hahahaha. probably yes.

heh. i think nyquil on friday is much better than nyquil on saturday. because now i will be ready to Job Search like a maniac on monday hahahaha.

hmmm i didnt realize nick caves 15 year old son had died and that is basically the reason for his harrowing new album “skeleton tree”. i was fortunate enough to see cave live in 2014 and that was just wonderful, awesome, unforgettable, very special, type of thing you ideally want to share with someone special although i was more than happy to go alone hahahaha. i was pretty indisposed during 2015 and didnt even know his son had died. basically tripping on ACID and he fell off a CLIFF. jeez.

of course he is very private and was not giving interviews, just had this album and an accompanying movie, and i guess both are really intense, as you might imagine. yeah that is really tragic. yeah that will take a few years to get over yikes. supposedly caves father dying when he (nick) was 19 had a YUGE impact on his life, and i have no doubt this will also have a huge impact on him. lot of pain and grief and loss to deal with. but at least he has an attractive faithful wife for the past 17 years hahahahahahahahaha.

i dunno. nick cave is just a great one of a kind guy, and he doesnt need any more grief. but i wish he gave like regular sermons on morality so i could ascertain exactly how degenerate he is hahahahaha. because i suspect he is quite nondegenerate. although he prob was back in his youth. drugs and sluts and shit. but now he is deep and good and possibly religious!

and yeah the concert was fantastic, him as a 57 year old man, didnt matter, whole band (seeds) was electrifying. totally awesome. glad to have been privileged to see that show. definite bucket list shit there. for sure. probably wont ever see them again. but really should if i get the chance.

heh. it is kind of like me losing HER. that is how pure and giving muh love was. totally unconditional. like the love you have for your child. and then they are just ripped out of your life one day. like cave says, you are changed whether you like it or not. you are instantly a different person. you dont even know how to relate to yourself any more. we dont like change, which is fine, but what do you do when life changes you instantly and permanently? you are in a state of confusion, and I guess this new album captures this confusion and uncertainty very well. he is just LOST.

and you just cant replace your son the way you replace lovers. oh youll find someone better. oh i guess it wasnt meant to be. nope. never gonna happen here. you just have to live with that Huge Hole In Your Heart and Life.

so maybe I should listen to this album, maybe it could help me hahahaha.

album

and its less than 40 minutes, not some 80 minute bloated monstrosity, even better.

movie trailer. i guess a lot of it was filming shortly after his son died. YIKES. INTENSE GRIEF AND PAIN.

but yeah that is totally how i would describe my loss hahahahahah. when you get dumped people tell you to get over it and she wasnt the one and oh well guess it wasnt meant to be. well instead, show them this film and when they are Numb and Crying at the end, see if they would say that shit to you hahahahaha.

so yeah thank u nick cave for explaining to the world that MY grief and loss is like Losing A Child, hehehehehehe.

so you say thats inappropriate, you can never luv your waifu like you luv your child.

well i say who are you to say that. i say ok fine its not exactly, but it is much more similar than you think! unconditional, abiding, long lasting, it never truly dies, its there thru thick and thin, good times and bad. its not some passing phase, cant be replaced.

you have this numb and confused look on your face like nick cave hehehehe. but you are not numb all the time. sometimes youre numb, many times you are confused and sad and devastated and dont know how youre going to adapt to this Big Life Change. when someone is such a big part of your life, than when they leave, YOU CHANGE.  IT CHANGES YOU and you didnt WANT to be changed like this.

now, all the people that have lost children are gonna be offended. ok fine. i guess losing your waifu is not AS bad. but it’s CLOSER to losing a child, than it is to losing some meaningless, forgettable, disposable, replaceable piece of meat on the carousel of meat. its not some passing phase.

dont tell me she was just a disposable replaceable piece of meat to me by saying i should get over her quickly!

of course i would like her to feel that i was important to her too.

i think i was for a while…..but then that ended. it was just a phase hahahaha. she didnt luv me like she would luv her child. of course, many women can make excuses to K their own children! i cant even fathom!

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/5213un/my26f_ex28m_ghosted_and_now_is_happy_with_someone/

https://bu.reddit.com/r/ExNoContact

heh i wish she DID give me “BREADCRUMBS!” because that would mean she still cared, and maybe there was a CHANCE, and would let me bang her HARD, and that would prob be enough to make her fall in luv with me! breadcrumbs means shes giving you a CHANCE, WILLING to talk or hang out or do SOMETHING!

MANY normies just dont understand No Contact. when we autists try no contact, THEY contact US and be like oh i havent talked to you in a while.

i guess i was just kinda shocked to see that she was so willing to do no contact as well.

lots of guys threaten to K themselves too. dont leave me or ill K muh self! this is about the worst thing you could do, it makes you the bad guy, an abuser, a manipulator, a sneaky pathetic little J. I am SO glad I never did that. It’s about on par with stalking in the Creeper Checklist.

I mean I don’t think these things are so creepy, i mean you are just expressing the intense pain you are feeling!

i mean when you are being dumped you cant think straight! you can’t really intentionally manipulate someone!!!! you just act reflexively! you make nothing but impaired decisions on anything! your mind is completely fooked up! sheeeit you might just K yourself! right in front of her hahahaha. but you probably wouldnt hurt her hehehehe.

anyway i am SO GLAD that the creepiest thing I did was just write an email. Begging for communication. really that wasnt creepy AT ALL. so I am grateful for that. I could have been a LOT creepier. but instead I was well behaved and wasnt creepy at ALL.

i was pathetic sure. beeta. omeega. please respond. please dont throw me away like a piece of garbage. please try to be a little nicer to me, please dignify our friendship and tell me i meant anything to you and that you dont WANT to hurt me. acknowledge muh pain please. please end this better.

but no stalking, no threats hahahaha. i mean i had some “dark thoughts” sure. thank GOD I dont get those any more!

was in church and there was like an 18 year old gurl at the oldest a few rows ahead of me. she was kinda chubby and potatoey but she had a very cute nice face and hair and this honestly nullified all the potatoeyness. she was there with her father who himself was pretty soft and potatoey but seemed like a nice guy. i hope she doesnt become a slut. i thought about Asking Her Out in the middle of church, or maybe asking her father. for permission to date his 17 year old daughter hahahahaha. GREAT.

but yeah theres the Protector and Provider sense.  in a way you are like their new father, and they are like your child that you protect and provide for. so thats partially why its like losing a child. a child that you fook hard like some kind of porno slut hahahahaha.

no contact. WOMEN, never fook or suck a man unless it would take you two full years of No Contact to Get Over Him. thats how serious you must be about the man.

went for 2.8 mile powerwalk, listened to that new nick cave album, not really a fun listen, there are no real song type songs on it, really just kinda like poems with atmospheric ambient background music, like his previous album pushed towards that extreme. no catchy hit songs.

 

hehehehehehe

lot of good stuff here, i know his feels all too well, except he is younger and has more experience and is gonna have a sweet engin degree soon hhahahaah.

 

GIVING A BULLSH1T NONANSWER IS NOT A RESOLUTION

aug 15

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

hey i appreciate everyone that follows and reads this blog hahahaha. even if you are all just scammers trying to turn your self improvement blog into your JOB. hey i guess im doing the same thing, in a veyr low energy, low effort way.

had interview today for 20 hour a week, 11 dollar job. i will take the job if they offer. they seemed nice. wore blue suit. tried to seem normie. apparently help is available if you get stuck.

intvited to interview for 42k ft job next monday. county IT department. horry sheet. i hate these because i am not worth 42k. i am worth more like 28k or 30k. why can’t they interview me for those jobs. WHY DONT THOSE JOBS EXIST OR GET POSTED?

yo either make 9 bucks an hour, or you make 40k a year. NO inbetween hahahaha.  that is so stupid.

http://www.online-stopwatch.com/cash-clock/

did i link this yet. my new favorite form of countdown clock / stopwatch.

this could seriously provide a LITTLE extra motivation. and that shit is VALUABLE. VALUE-ADDED hahahaha.

i just think its fooking DISGUSTING that you HAVE to bang a broad QUICKLY in order for you to ever have a CHANCE with her. I dont WANT to be with the type of SKANK who BANGS QUICKLY.

just the WAY women “date” is DISGUSTING. So naturally the idea of Dating does not sound fun to me, but rather DISGUSTING. just a bunch of dirty sluts fooking like a bunch of muh dik ingras. god damn. and if you dont fook them like sluts on the first date then you have no chance of having a real rel. and they cant see how stupid and wrong and disgusting it is to fook on the first date (or the 5th date, hahaha.)

just got 2 rejections from same company, including application i sent just an hour ago. damn.

MAYBE they are one of those asshole companies that wont even call you for an inteview if you are not current Employed. i wouldnt be surprised. fook shitcvnt shitphags.

heh. the one rejection I got right now was for “payment processor” for a requisition 2 months ago. i just applied for the same position title TODAY, but different requisition.

i bet that IS what it is. they just outright reject ANYONE who isnt currently Gainfully Employed. Are You Employed Sir. Get A God Damn Job, Al.

its just so weird though. some damn medical healthcare business services company rejects me outright for a damn 14 dah job, but a damn university will call me to interview for a 45k job. wtf. it just doesnt make any sense. i would need a TEAM of phds and attorneys to explain this to me. I couldnt pay enough money to get this adequately explained for me.

i mean they are both “good” companies but they have completely different policies here.

i just apply to this medical payment place regularly because they are close to home, they are big well known corp, and they are regularly hiring for entry level jobs.

in some ways I could be considered “overqualified” (degree from good school, no spelling mistakes in cover letter hahaha, have a linkedin page, why am I applying for a 13 dah job.) but in other ways I am “underqualified” (do not have 3 years working experience in medical payments processing. current unemployed.)

fook the bullshit!

hey i was willing to take her out on an official date. more than willing hahaha.

i should have been better about Reading Her Signals though. she clearly didnt want that, and rather than say no, she avoided it, cuz its harder for her to say no. ok fine i get that.

i dunno the only thing this teaches me is the value of communication. the importance. and i never fail to mention that in every job interview. good communication is absolutely essential. it is the most important thing. before you have good customer service, you must have good communication.

yeah i forgive her, i dont blame her, i sometimes blame myself for being so stupid and weak and foolish. but not as much as i used to hehehe.

its just fookin stupid as fook. everything about it was stupid. just fookin write me an email PLEASE. god damn. LISTEN to what I am SAYING. dont throw this all away in the most disgraceful way possible. show a little damn respect. dignify the relship with dignity hahaha.

interview today was ok. the woman was nice, but she was also more On Point than any interviewer ever, and went through everything. she was very well prepared hahaha. I appreciated that. and the receptionist was very nice to me, saying dont be nervous, the people youll be talking to are very nice. I smiled and said thank you.

hehehe when you are on your 14(88)th interview and its a 20 hour a week job, you just dont get nervous hehehe.

well at least when i have another nice female friend, 7/10, 25 years old, n<4, and we get along GREAT, I know how to handle it better when I fall in luv with her hahaha.

im trying to make the point that I have never made a female friend who was So Dateable. My other female friends, i never had any actual interest in them like that, in fact maybe I found them a little “too slutty” hahahaha. but I did not really judge them on that believe it or not. I was able to appreciate them apart from them being sluts. but I wouldnt want to date sluts like that!

yeah it sounds mean. they were nice people. dating them would have been crazy and bad tho, is all Im saying. in a way that it absolutely wouldntve with That Woman. Who was nice, not crazy, and not slutty.

365 jobs is what muh number is up to now.

i just hate majorly screwing things up. majorly majorly majorly screwing things up. you feel bad, feel a lot of GUILT and SHAME.

5 mile powerwalk.

applied to hospital job using the worst peoplesoft application ever. saw i was “not selected” for a job i applied to 3 days ago. but never got an email notifying me. THANKS. that was for an office assistant job. the one I just applied to now is “administrative assistant 1”. i am sure i will be “not selected” for that too.

it just sucks to go to college and be a 35 year old nevergf neet and you can’t even get an INTERVIEW for an OFFICE ASSISTANT job where you just need a HS education. that triggers and rustles me WAY more than going to an interview and not getting the job. at least then I get SOME confidence, get some experience, get to add to muh pile of interviews. and it tells me i am a finalist, i am one of the 10 best applicants. for a god damn 13 dah office asssistant job. not even an ADMINISTRATIVE assistant hahahaha.

very likely THEY dont like unemployed people too. god DAMN.

so the lesson learned is to REAPPLY to all these places once i get some kind of job, like this 20 hour a week job i interviewed today. way to get ahead of myself. they are interviewing 5 or 6 other people here. so i have like a 16% chance of getting the job hahaha.

i like that cash clock. it makes me feel like im actually making money and doing something productive when i apply for these jobs. like im getting PAID to do job applications. im not of course, but it feels like it just a little bit. like i am making money doing work, rather than just trying to get as low a time as possible! im still doing that too, but now im also MAKING MONEY for it! im not of course but even if i can make it feel like that a LITTLE bit. its a motivator.

as i was doing the powerwalk today i saw a qt young woman. in my neighborhood. i walked RIGHT BY HER. i was caught VERY off guard. I saw her way up ahead earlier on and did a double take, who is that nonfat youngish woman? and then i turned the corner about 15 minutes later and there she was! i hate passing people, but her i sort of looked at her and smiled and said hello, which the friendly normies do. most young attractive women HATE when balding betas do this, its literally rape. but she actually seemed to smile back at me! and i was like whoooooooaaaaaa should i go running back after her and ask her out to dinner? i did not expect that at all. I do not expect niceness or pleasantness from qt young women! And I totally get why! They dont like omega males, never have, never will. I more expect women to be cold and bitchy to me, i get SURPRISED and CAUGHT OFF GUARD when they smile and are nice. I can’t say I dislike it though! It was part of how me and that woman got along so well. she was FRIENDLY to me. she SMILED at me. when I very unused to women SMILING at me. it’s NICE, i LIKE it, but i am totally unaccustomed to it.

i was not wearing glasses so i couldnt tell anything about the woman other than she was not old and she was not hideous and she had a friendly look on her face. when i first saw her i couldnt tell if she was 13 or 23 or 33. if she was 13, thats bad. but i think she was actually an appropriate age. maybe she was an Eastern European Immigrant. if so, EVEN BETTER. real tradwife material!

it was the first time i ever saw her. if i ever see her again, I should ask her out to dinner. or lunch. or coffee. or ice cream. i mean im supposed to take her out for drinks and fook her on the first date if i want any chance at marrying her hahahaha.

anyway it reminded me how qt women being nice to you can make you forget about Other Past Women pretty effectively.

women have the attention of secsy guys all the time, makes it easier for the women to forget about men.

but omega males, we are so used to women being neutral (or negative) to us, that its a little WEIRD to have a woman be POSITIVE to us. but its the type of weird id like to get used to!

never say never again, 1983. sean connery came BACK to playing bond after like a 10 year hiatus. was there a hiatus? or did roger moore not enter until after 1983? i dont know, dont really care, i just thought connery was done with bond well before 83. also, kim basinger was VERY attractive in 1983. i mean shit i would prob still bang her 33 years later…..but she was a total 9/10 in 1983 hahahahahaha.

AM I THE ONLY PERSON ON THE WHOLE INTERNET WHO REALIZES THAT INDEED ALERTS SUCKS!!????!?!?!?!?!?!!

there are NO comments from other butthurt people like me. who can’t FIND the alerts they thought they had, tha

https://subscriptions.indeed.com/

AYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TOP SECRET INDEED PAGE INDEED DOES NOT WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT, RIGHT THERE!!!!!!

thats ALL I want. A list of ALL my active alerts on ONE page.

of course, there’s no link to EDIT the alerts from this page. that would make WAY too much sense.

searching my gmail TRASH folder for indeed alert EMAILS that contain a CANCEL link at the bottom.

http://www.indeed.com/my/alerts?from=nav

by my GOD, THIS page is the worst abomination EVER. a fooking ABORTION. it doesnt work, it hasn’t worked for MONTHS, and indeed does not care. this kind of OBVIOUS CORNER CUTTING and SHITTY QUALITY triggers me to no end. just because anyone above level 1 can just HIDE BEHIND level 1 indians saying we are so sorry for the inconvenience, but right now there are no plans to implement this feature. HOPE THIS HELPS! and thanks for choosing indeed. and they mark that as a RESOLVED CASE. NO. ITS NOT RESOLVED AT ALL. GIVING A BULLSHIT NONANSWER IS NOT A RESOLUTION. GOD DAMN.

and i hated being in the position where I was the level 1 schmuck who had to give the bullshit nonanswer!!!!!

She didnt care. She just gave the bullshit. she was so stupid she didnt even KNOW it was bullshit. shes just like whatever its a job, lemme just listen to music while i give bullshit nonanswers, cant wait to get out and smoke MJ, set up some chill hangouts with hot bois from tinder and okcupid, its so fun being single and dating for the first time in my life, and im glad to be done with that asshole jerk bitchboi who i thought was my friend but he just wanted to fook me! all men are jerks and liars who only want one thing! well two can play that game! besides he was a 35 year old virgin weirdo, i was WAY out of his league! gross!

and this is why you dont work at a terrible bullshit job with the woman you are in luv with hahaha.

so just go to dinner with the nice qt gurl from the neighborhood, or the qt dark haired woman at the weekly game. i dont see any of these women regularly or consistently, tho. NO EXCUSE!

basically, when i had my easy job from 2008 to 2013, i did not do NEARLY enough job searching. i did pretty good with schooling, in the sense i took a lot of classes that didnt do much. shit i KNOW i had a COUPLE interviews here and there kinda randomly, but i certainly didnt get the jobs. then i got the bigboy job in late 13 because they would hire ANYONE, LITERALLY. they hired a ton and fired a ton.

point is, right NOW, my jobseraching skills are the BEST theyve ever been. in terms of muh system. muh spreadsheet. muh indeed alerts. a few careerbuilder alerts. muh PACKET. muh folders of bookmarks. organization information. email alerts. i didnt have ANY of that before. until NOW really. 2016. current year. yeah thats shameful. but i would often miss out on jobs because i didnt KNOW about them, and i would think ehhhh shit i dont want to dig up addresses and phone number of every employer for goddamn PROFILES you have to fill out. i was way too LAZY about jobseraching when i had that job at that time. then i got the new job and had no time to do anything. just study the shit and try not to panic.

aug 16

heh. i want a BOOK or a 20 hour documentary on what Long Term Unemployed or Long Term Kissless Virgin Nevergf does to men. Neetness. there is the occasional article saying it can lead to despair. NO SHIT. i am looking for something that explores all this in depth. i guess that this is my niche, my calling, the doumentary i must make myself.

i thought about hanging out with that qt random woman and her being nice to me and smiling at me and cuddling with me and i thought HOLY SHIT what a BIG DEAL that would be, that would totally TRANSFORM me, i am totally MISSING OUT on something BIG.

and this is all from getting one small polite smile from a woman where I really couldnt tell how attractive she was.

well she seemed moderately attractive, maybe even the ever Problematic 7/10, otherwise i wouldnt have reacted so positively!

then they say, youre overreacting, its not gonna TRANSFORM YOU, if you got what you wanted, you’d soon find you were unhappy again, because you REALLY need to change something within yourself.

ok FINE. then i challenge you to PROVE me wrong by giving me that chance. give me a nice qt gf for a year and we’ll see if it TRANSFORMS me or not, hahahahahaha. if it doesnt, i will accept defeat humbly.

just GIVE ME A CHANCE.

although admittedly “chance” for me means more than “one strike and youre out.” give me at least 3 strikes hahahaha.

heh. we were both saying PLEASE STAHP to each other. she was saying please stahp pushing me to hang out and please stahp having weird feelings for me, I was saying please stahp avoiding me and ignoring me and not hanging out with me ever.

recipe for disaster.

stupid fookin jobs. so fookin retardedly stupid. i wish i didnt have to deal with this and i could have just lived with HER happily ever after.

but at least now i am applying for jobs and jobsearching with a pretty solid good system, and also sometimes noticing other women and feeling excited when they smile at me hahaha.

starting to think more seriously about focusing intentionally on part time jobs, and using that as a stepping stone to a full time job, because SOME COMPANIES automatically reject you if you are Currently Unemployed. ESPECIALLY if longer than 3 months. which it certainly has been!

in the sense that a little while ago, i was avoiding applying for part time jobs, and saying NO i NEED a full time job……when relally part time jobs are EASIER and they can HELP you in ultimately getting a FT job. so you dont get painted with the brush of “long term unemployed loser.”

this was kind of funny, its sad that kyle and sinead are so god damn confrontational , well especially sinead hahaha. not just confrontational but she insults and disparages good people with good messages. it doesnt have to be this way! you dont have to be such a drama causing bitch!

and kyle really is a handsome man. and sinead has some good, but the bad outweighs the good. i hope sinead is not leading kyle around by the balls, or making him do an open rel, and why for the love of Wodinn dont you just SAY that kyle is your husbando and that he is the father of your child…….UNLESS HE ISNT??????? in other words, sinead is super untrustworthy. but i think kyle can be redeemed, but he has to break free of sineads spell first.

so sad and frustrating to see healthy looking young white people be pro-white…..but mix it up with such stupid shit. they can do SO much better. they even have a sense of HUMOR!!!!

and its SAD that sinead is irreparably damaged. im not even sure how you could fix her. well find her a white man whos not afraid to put her in her place, get many more babies out of her, and keep her away from the internet!!!!! kyle does not look like he’s gonna be that strong man. besides, why would any man  DESERVE such a High Maintenance Handful? A strong man should be able to do BETTER than her, in other words.

but maybe an ex mudshark slut who is totally crazy is good enough for ME, an ex degen whos not a big winner. but i would STILL have to develop a VERY strong hand to keep her in her place!!!! and i dont have that yet! also i am nowhere near as handsome as kyle!

ok its a bit easier to do 28 minute job applications when you are listening to music at the same time. have to do that more reg.

applied for City job, US Attorneys Office FEDGOV USAJOBS job, and uhh hospital job where i have 40 other applications and never an interview. discriminating against the longterm unemployed hahahaha.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. busy day. was getting ready to go to shrink and got call from Electronics Company that I had applied to 900000000000000000 times but never heard a god damn thing. and now i hear from them. why now? why open this job to 500 new applicants every month? how am I in the Elite Pool? was it because I updated the profile to have Muh Packet? they use a Bad Taleo (there is a Good Taleo believe it or not) where its impossible to tell whats really attached to your application.

recruiter gurl talks to me, catches me way off guard, said….holy shit she has 5700 followers on linkedin and has a very powerful linkedin premium account. it is like i am being contacted by the fookin bill gates of Talent Acquisition and Recruiting.

when i am contacted off guard by someone, i always fear that i sound like a rude or distracted asshole or autist. i did the best i could, tried to be as nice as i could, and was able to sched an interview for friday (today is tues.) they wanted me to come in tomorrow. i hate coming in TOMORROW.  (but not as much as much as coming in TODAY hahahaha.) well they were able to acommodate me on friday actually. good. interview with a panel of 3 men. probably will want to test my knowledge of the company. GREAT.

then as i get out of shrink, get a call on my baterry dying phone from the HOSPITAL that NEVER calls me (except to schedule an interview for TODAY or not at all, hahaha.) they say you put 26000 on salary requirements. I said yes but that is very flexible, what is the range for this position (positngs here NEVER say), they say it starts at 11 bucks an hour, i say thats fine hahaha, see you on……cant do friday errrrr how about monday.

so now i interview with hospital monday morning for dumb 11 dollar part time job…….and then BIGGGGGG interview monday AFTERNOON with county for SWEET 42k job!!!

heh. never had 2 interviews in ONE DAY before, i guess this is a turning point eh?

rejection email from county for 26k job DAMN why cant they just INTERVIEW me for these jobs!!!!! applied 6/15, get rejection on 8/16. ok good.

all these olympic athletes have TRAINERS and COACHES. you dont say go out there and figure out how to win a gold medal. you PRACTICE for YEARS with a COACH who TEACHES you BEST PRACTICES.

bitches.

 

 

HELPLESS

june 7

Take a moment to think about being socially excluded from an event. Imagine what this event might be like as vividly as you can. Then, in the space provided, please describe the emotions that the thought of being purposefully excluded/left out of an important social/group event creates for you.

Please write a paragraph using clear detail.

Please note that the continue button will not appear for 1 minute. Please use this time to think deeply about the question and write in clear detail.

I used to have a good friend I held in very high regard. We were already having problems and both of us were afraid to talk about them. She was a female friend and I started getting special feelings for her. I really wanted to talk about the situation and try have open communication about it. She did not want to do this. There was a big concert that we both wanted to go to. I really wanted to go with her. In the past there would have been no question that we would have gone together. Now she was avoiding me. I wanted to go to the concert, but I also wanted to go with her. She asked me if I was going and I hadn’t made up my mind yet. I wanted to work things out with her first. Then I decided to go anyway. I asked her if she wanted to go with me or if I could go with her. She was very uncommittal and undecided and could not give a straight answer. I just went by myself and she went by herself and did not answer when I called her. Obviously she did not want to see me but I wish she had been more clear about this. We used to hang out in the past and do things like this together. I saw her at the event and she was cold and distant to me the whole time. That was the last time I ever spoke to her and she avoided every attempt at communication I made afterward. I was devastated and heartbroken but I tried not to bother her too much when it was clear she didn’t want to talk to me. I just wish she had made some effort to communicate. I didnt expect her to return my feelings, but I did sort of expect that she would be willing to simply communicate when there was a long-term friendship at stake. I was disappointed and heartbroken and blamed myself severely and felt terrible for a long time. This loss was a very big deal in my life because she was a good friend and I felt she could have handled this a lot better. I could have handled it better yes, but she could have said something or tried to reject me with just a little bit of kindness.

i talk about this shit when making my 10 cents for a HIT hahahahaha.

ok got muh 4 job apps in today. nothing good. hospital shit. actually got a call from a hospital HR recruiter type about a vision doctors office clerk job. they were giving me some kind of screening interview.  it was like a mini interview where i bullshitted bullshit answers to her bullshit questions. the gurl sounded about 20 years old, dumb and hawt and slutty hahahahaha. i guess if i didnt sound too autistic then she might recommend to the manager that the manager call me for an interview. I sounded sorta autistic. but not like a 80 IQ idiot! but i guess its better to sound like normie idiot than a smart autist.

hehehe one day i will go in for an interview and I will be interviewing with That Woman, becuase she has rose to the position of manager. I would just say welp, I didn’t appreciate when you threw me away like a piece of garbage. I think I deserve an apology. How about you do that now. Better yet, write me a 10 page apology and email it to me. Can I bang you? got any kids yet? married? happily? wanna cheat on your husbando? Is he white? how many guys you been with since I last saw you in 2015? 20? 30? 50? anyway hire me for this job and I can bang you hard in the storage room every day like a real man. I aint no pvssy sensitive boi no more. I will pump you and dump you so hard ya gutter trash. so do you still write your and talk like white trash? still a MJ smoking retard with the people skills of a 3 year old? how many guys did you have to be an 4n4l whore to to get this supervisor position? can i bang you up the ass then? make a video of it too? wanna get fisted up the ass?  how many guys you let bang you up the ass within 1 hour of meeting them for the first time? 50? 100? wow. you really used to be a really nice marriageable woman who would have been a good mother to my children. but now youre just a ingra fooking piece of disgusting white trash. good for nothing more than an easy as hell assfook, ya filthy buttslut.  say how many abortions ya had? how many of your children have you murdered so you could bend over for more inger dick?

is how the job interview would go, where I were the candidate and she were the hiring manager hahahaha.

thinking about throwing out my cover letter and writing a brand new super edgy one. maybe its the cover letter thats holding me back. maybe its my autistic nature. maybe its because I Reek Vibes of Creepiness, Weirdness, and Desperation hahahaha. Dripping With Weirdness. maybe my suit coat is too ugly. maybe my shoes are not shiny enough. (my shoes are ok I think, I dont think the shoes are the problem.)

maybe i have terrible body odor. but i take a shower before going to the interview.

maybe the clothes stink like smoke because i usually smoke 1 cigarette 20 minutes before the interview.

but I take off the suit coat when i do that, and spray myself down with febreze and chew gum. and spit the gum out before the interview.

maybe people dont like omega virgin men hahahaha.

i am kinda disappointed that this stupid business with the job kinda impacted the new Friendship that was growing between me and my male friend from the job. He was a really nice guy and we had a really good connection. but I was hesistant to contact him because he still worked in that hellhole, with THAT WOMAN, saw that woman every day, and whenever he had get togethers, there would be a ton of other people from that job. decent people but still. that job. i just hope he didnt become friends with that woman hahahaha.

juen 8

well got 3 apps in so far today, one thing for a “furnace operator” in some factory, one state govt job, and another county govt job hahaha.

had a dream where i was essentially working as a hostess in a restaurant hahahaha and i felt HELPLESS, like i didnt know what I was doing, even though I didnt have a lot to do and there was barely anybody coming in.

one person came in who knew the guy working in the restaurant as a server, who was a friend of mine and had gotten me the job. the customer had a gift for me to give him and also wanted to talk to him. I went in back nervously, and to my horror, the restaurant was PACKED, and my friend was running around, running ragged, trying to handle everybody. I gave him the gift, told him his grandma or whatever was out there and wanted to talk to him. it was obvious he did not have time to talk to anybody. it was obvious that I should be pulled out from up front so that I could help serving….a thought which filled me with utter dread, since I knew nothing, i felt even MORE HELPLESS.

the song is very chill and peaceful and beautiful….but i am talking more about a dreadful, anxious, fearful version of helplessness, like you have been thrown into the deep end and have no idea what youre doing and have 50000000 angry customers to serve and a neverending queue of phone calls to answer and you wonder why the hell did they HIRE you for this job. oh yeah. because they’d hire ANYONE.

when you are truly helpless you are not having a great time snorting coke and playing for 100000 loving fans like these degenerates hahaha. it is more like i luv lucy with the conveyor belt of pies and shit stacking up. or a  tetris puzzle once things start to slip away and the blocks start to pile up. online this is your job for 8 hours a day, and there is more pressure, and shit is way harder than rotating stupid blocks. and explaining to franic people why why why why when you dont really know why why why why.

you do want to know why why why just so you can explain to these people who kinda do deserve an explanation…..but why is the hardest, most expensive question, which your higher ups are very loath to answer because its so EXPENSIVE and INEFFICIENT.

went over the limit on calories yesterday eating god damn peanut butter filled pretzel nuggets. COME ON.

ok got my 4th job in. bookkeeper for a nondestructive testing facility. i couldnt tell you what that is, but i know its a thing. something to do with testing metal parts for cars or planes or anything.

i almost dont want a rel or a waifu or children any more because the only woman i wanted a rel, or waifu or children with was HER!!!!!! i can accept that shes GONE, but I still dont want to accept anyone else into that very special role. right now i am at the point where I would want to casually bang bitches, ie casual chill hangouts, netflix and chill, but absolutely no monogamous rel.  so, i would be a degen enabling women to be degen also.  well, its not like im gonna put a lot of  effort into this!

some autist freak on despair forums who was dumped by a girl at age 17 after going on 2 dates and 4 years later he still hasnt gotten over her. he managed to graduate college and is even worse now and foudn her on a dating site and messaged her and she said dont message me please.  sounded  like something i would do hahaha. like yeah its been 11 months since i talked to her and i still want her. i think, well maybe if i give her “SPACE” for a year then message her, it will be like a new beginning. yes i know this is bad idea but the thought still happens.

like oh its been so long, it will be like a new beginning, and we can Start Again.

or would she say dont ever message me again you psycho, youre obviously still obsessed wtih me.

i mean i just….fooking race mixing in EVERY commercial. and race mixing isnt even THAT prevalent. dont get me wrong, its still TOO prevalent, but in commercials, its rammed down your throat at levels that are not even present in pozzed cities like….berkeley or boulder or brooklyn or san fran or some shit. seattle. hahaha.

i was out of line….but was i THAT out of line? I was stupid and awkward and cringeworthy and embarrassing……but I was in luv. that is a perfect excuse and explanation and justification for me.

well wasnt SHE jsutified because she was going thru grief with her family and so I was just an added stress?

YES it makes sense that she gets overwhelmed and runs away like a scared bunny. but what doesnt make sense is that she doesnt think about it afterwards, then do SOMETHING later after a cooling off period. like EVENTUALLY feel guilty and say hey i’m sorry about that. and i would say, i udnerstand, its a tough time with your family, im sorry I didnt tell you sooner; oh well yeah i kinda knew, i just didnt wanna talk about it; oh well ok. i was trying to send signals, im glad you picked up on them. well i guess we can talk about it now. etc etc.

i would have understood and she could have said sorry your a good friend but i just dont feel that way about you, lets still be friends. and i would say aw shucks well i appreciate you not letting me down in the worst way possible, but i really like you and i can’t turn that back, so lets take a little break for a month ok? no hard feelings.

but no nothing like that. no coming back after a cooling off period. just a permanent break.

when you hear about the way it ended, it just sounds like an abortive, anticlimactic, middle school dating thing. this is not the way a 2.7 year friendship ends. just no. under no circumstances. those 2.7 years entitled me to a better ending.

wow. broken record amirite?

because it hurts THAT much and left THAT much pain and takes THAT long to get over!!!!!!

 

 

EXCUUUUUSE ME FOR TREATING THE PEOPLE I DO THE LIFE CREATION PROCESS WITH LIKE HUMAN BEINGS

june 3

had dream about a woman, thank god not THAT woman, but that “one who got away” in college and i regret not making an effort with her because she was cute and nice to me and not a high number whore at that time. she would have been fun to cuddle with and make out with and hang out with and maybe have as a GF hahahaha. she was really cute and white as hell. and nice and never bitchy.  and not a high number slut hahaha.

so in the dream she was showing some interest in hanging out with me, but I was very busy for whatever reason, and I was worried that by the time I would be ready to hang out in like a week, she would no longer be interested.

i guess i could have met her for like an hour and said listen babe i am so busy, i got exams and I am applying for grad skool (we were still in Kollige in the dream). I can give you an hour right now but next week we can spend some serious time. I will make you dinner and shit.

well that would be too supplicating hahahaha and she would lose interest anyway.

heh the best way to keep her interest, when you worry she might lose interest in a week, is to just meet with her for an hour in your busy life, bang her HARD, then be like baby, i got to get back to WORK, im an ambitious successful man making good deals, so call me next week and I will bang you twice as hard. see ya wouldnt wanna be ya hahahaha.

that is the proper response to that. of course you’ve ruled her out as wife material immediately because she gave it up to you too fast, because she ALWAYS gives it up too fast. technically its HER fault but a woman would NEVER admit when antyhing is HER fault.

but yeah she was cute, and nice, and not stumpy or potatoey, and had beautiful white skin, very cute face, very nice body, she was always laughing and smiling and never bitchy to me, she liked to partake MJ too. I wish I had just hung out with her, partook MJ, watched movies and chilled with her, before she became a crazy careerist slut over 30 hahahaha.

WELL….I was conflicted, because my male friend had actually dated this gurl around that time. He was done with her by that time and probably wouldnt have minded at all if i wanted to give her a try hahahaha but I just felt weird about it at the time. he was a truly a good guy and I had a good connection with him and i hope he is doing well, and found a decent woman and became a father. I would worry about him falling for a crazy bitch though.

so THAT is my excuse, also I was honestly involved with drama with about 3 other women. no i wasnt banging them. yes they were all rejecting me hahahaha. i did make out with 2 of them though. but I didnt even THINK about this other woman. and so naturally now I worry that she is “the one who got away.”

well she didnt REALLY get away. She only lives 60 miles away from me. except now she’s 30+ and has taken a lot more dix.

hmm. turns on TRS forum has become the Hottest Alt Right forum on the internet and you now need to be INVITED to even sign up. dayum. this just happened in the past month. so you plebs can’t see the posts and you just cant sign up. you need to be INVITED by a full member, like me hahaha.

applied for part time job at local university. this is prob muh #1 dream employer but it is nto easy to get a job here at all.

this is the univ i should have gone to, just got a damn business engineering math degree hahaha. the school is pretty srs, they even offer medical (DO) degrees now. possibly even an MD but for sure DO.

so anyway in that dream, there was no touching or fun. the best was i saw the gurl for like a minute, then was stressed the whole time whether or not i would have another chance. i was not sitting there in the dream hanging out with her for hours and cuddling or making out or anything. just 95% worrying that it was over before it even began hahahahaha.  this is normal for my dreams hahaha. and my real life hahahaha.

ok 6 job applications today. i dont have any interviews coming up and got to get some more in there.

ok you want a phone number from a job i had over 10 years ago. fook you. I will write NA and the program will accept that for the required entry hahahaha.

ya god damn dumb shitty bitch hahahahaha.

hahhaha i used to censor ALL bad words. now i just censor fook. because who gives a fook. your wife has a mouth like a sailor and has had 10000000 sailors IN her mouth.  salty seamen hahahahahaha.

and i can be plenty offensive without saying fook hahahaha.

how about when you want to get out of a long ter relationship that obviously is important to the other person, you tell them SORRY and you say yeah I know it hurts to end a long term rel. we had a significant long term rel and i acknolwedge it meant something to YOU at least, so I am sorry to hurt you.

acknowledge that this relationship meant something to me. acknowledge muh pain. understand that you meant something to me.

i think she DOES uderstand all this. against, its just a matter of cowardice. lack of moral courage.

well, the good news is, once you get used to doing like at least 5 stupid applications per day for a few weeks, it becomes a less excruciating routine. you just accept it and copy and paste and look shit up. it gets easier in other words. no less stupid, but easier.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAa

here is a great idea:

sometimes job sites limit you to the number of documents you can upload. SO you simply make ONE document with ALL your documents innit.

its amazing the majority of people are employed!

well wait a minute, actually they arent. alot of people are students.

alot more than half the people are making less than the average money per year, which is like 34 grand a year.

oh sorry its like 28 grand in 2011. per capita income. which is like 14 bucks an hour.  which is less than the fight for 15 hahaha.

horry sheet i was making MORE than that!!!! SHE was making more than that! WE WERE ABOVE AVERAGE!!!!!!!

Listen to me! show some remorse! show some sympathy! show that I was important enough to you to do something courageous for ME!!!

that the relationship was important enough to YOU for you to show a little backbone in trying to do the good karma thing. treat ME like i meant something to you, treat the relationship like it meant something to you. cuz i think it DID. it WASNT all in my head.

june 4

yeah its just discouraging and horrifying that somebody can be by your side and totally with you…..and then just detach and distance themself from you. they dont care about you any more. the warmth and caring they once gave to you and which you enjoying so much and was so valuable to you, you dont get any of that any more, and they give it to other people. they could care less about you. and its all your fault because you pushed them away hahahaha. everything is always your fault with women.

this is so disgusting. because like women falsely accusing men of rape cheapening the real rapes, women blaming men for EVERYTHING kinda cheapens those times when men really ARE at fault, and they beat and abuse women. and then kind gentle men who would never abuse women feel horribly guilty for doing something to push a woman away, and they feel like they are on the same level as the guy who beats his wife and molests his children.

i wasnt courageous enough. well she was even less courageous. i was courageous enough to talk to her. that’s all the courage i wanted from her.

oh well you live and learn. live and learn hahahaha. next time i get feelings for a female friend I will tell her. check in early and check in often. tell them about this cautionary tale and say, we should talk about this every month just to check in. it can totally happen and I dont want my life to be ruined again.

i mean i want the person i marry and have chirren with and spend the rest of muh life with, i want to feel about them the way i felt about her. a total, all in commitment. it was an EASY DECISION TO MAKE, because I was THAT certain. I want to be that certain about someone.  its this uncertain one foot out the door bullshit that causes j00ish degen bullshit like open relationships. people treating human beings like objects hahahaha. devaluing human life in every way.

its the man who is always so strongly anti abortion because MEN understand and respect the value of human life. women just see it as an inconvenience to muh body muh choice. muh freedoms.

and she can talk to her co workers and be like yay we have the best team ever i luv all u so much, and not care about me, and let me drown. i used to be more important to her than just some fellow co worker, then I got downgraded from real life friend to work friend. THAT HURTS!!!!! have you ever been DOWNGRADED from real friend to just work friend? it SUCKS. you have a RIGHT to be UPSET about it. it HURTS a LOT.

and you still see the person every day at work so its not like you can avoid them and pretend they dont exist. because you see and hear them every day.

well she thought she could avoid me and pretend i didnt exist, even though she saw me eery day. She was willing to do that. I was not willing or able to do that AT ALL. because I wanted to talk to her, I didnt want to avoid her, plus i could see and hear her. it drove me CRAZY REALLY FAST.  yeah ok i  reacted very emotionally but she COULD have not avoided me like that.

i dont blame her entirely….but i do blame her partially hahahaha.

there is a huge void in muh life and really the only thing that can come CLOSE to filling it is MJ hahaha. I always found something comfy and cozy and intimate and warm fuzzy from using MJ. that was really my relationship simulator, or relationship substitute.

it was a lot better than having some bitch run through the relationship simulator with me hahahaha. cuz MJ can’t leave you and break your heart hahahahahaha. and you can do something long term with it. it will always be there for you hahahahaha.

also i dont appreciate being treated like a Weird Stalker who deserved to be avoided, when I was a Longterm Friend who just wanted to Talk about a Mutual Problem.

now my judgment is off, and i will feel like a weird stalker for wanting something PERFECTLY LEGITIMATE.

heh. my judgment is off enough as it is, especially regarding wimmin.

this loss might be worse than a death, and it might even be worse than CHEATING. cuz there’s NEVER a good excuse or justification for cheating. you can EASILY make the cheater into the bad guy, and hate them, and get your closure that way. that dirty awful cheater didnt deserve me. but when they just leave you….you are left with nothing. but confusion and self doubt. and there are valid reasons for just up and leaving someone, namely they are abusing you or being really bad to you that you just need to ESCAPE them. so you start to think you were like that. you blame yourself a lot more.

sure you ALWAYS blame yourself for being too omega and too phaggy and too feminine and too weak and that MAKES them lose interest…..but this is different than merely losing interest!

also, you can lose interest after 2 months, but its kinda hard to lose interest after 2 years.

2 years is a LOT different than 2 months.

i just want someone to say yes i know this hurts you a lot. your pain is valid. not something like well you shouldn’t be so upset about her. maybe not, but i AM, so ACCEPT it. and dont tell me not to be upset.

its not THAT hard to understand.

i mean shit if i could force myself to not be so hurt by this, dont you think i would have DONE IT?

back on TRS once again. so many great threads there but I dont really want to share them outside of the forum, probably a bannable offense, and I dont want to be banned hahaha.

ok I will post this tho:::::

QUOTE

When people talk about “being in love,” they are generally talking about the 3-18 month period at the beginning of relationships where floods of exciting chemicals like oxytocin, adrenalin, dopamine and serotonin hit people like a bag of bricks whenever they’re around each other/think about each other. People’s brains do this to reduce inhibition so they’re more likely to procreate. “Being in love” is fooking intoxicating and you basically feel like you’re on drugs just by being around another person + sex is usually involved so that’s pretty great too. That said, this altered state eventually subsides and normal thought patterns take over. At that point, the continued success of the relationship is determined by how compatible their interests, goals and personalities are. So after the initial burst of passion period, the rest of a relationship can be defined by a general fondness for one another and the appreciation of a shared partnership and hopefully the cooperative experience of raising children.

tl;dr: love as portrayed in movies is real but it fades with time because its measurable physiological effects are just there to get you to put a bun in her oven. The second stage of love takes a more effort to maintain since you’re not just riding a high together but it’s calmer and really quite comfy.

END

in response to an 18 year old autist asking about is it possible to really feel true luv or is that just another j00 lie.

NO ITS NOT. And its sad that these young men dont know that, because they have never felt it.

but this response, from a proper mature whyte man, is very very good. true luv is real, but its also ridiculous, and you should expect this honeymoon period to end.

MY issue is, it never did. with me there was never any secs involved or the shit ended well before i was ready. well before the 18 months. shit i wish they DID last 18 months! the FEELINGS certainly lasted 18 months, but the “rel” ended WELL before that.

well shit ok i am past the 18 month mark from when i first fell in luv with HER, which was like in sept 2014. now it is june 2016 and i have made some progress hahaha.

 

DECENT PEOPLE HAVE REGRETS

may 12

muh d1ck sheeeeeeit smacks lips. bix nood mufugga. ayo hol up. hol up.

tick tock wagie! back to work! time is money! add value for the team! trim the fat! back to work! time is money! another day, another dollar! streamline your workflow so you can be more efficient and produce moar! theres always room for improvement! study other people and try to improve your workflow!

big interview with post office on monday. 4 days. they want me to bring social security card. they already had me do a drug test. so in other words, i have a pretty good chance (50 50 hahaha) of actually getting the JOB.

well I am not sure how much off the job studying I will have to do for Letter Carrier. not as much, hahahaha. who knows if there is even an intranet I can log into.

if i get mauled by pit bulls or something there is probably some waiver I sign saying the post office will not give me any money for that hahahaha.

i saw some stupid quote by willie nelson saying “99% of the worlds lovers are not with their first choice, thats why the jukebox plays” or something, meaning there is a super high demand for songs about not luving your luver I guess, or pining for your First Choice hahaha.  i generally like willie nelson but come on man thats degenerate. what are you really trying to say here, has the weed clouded your mind, probably.

my response is, dont date someone unless they are your first choice, its a lose lose situation, and its a j00ish thing to do to THEM.

whenever i have gotten feelz for a woman, they were always muh FIRST CHOICE. That Woman was my First Choice and I guess still is. so now I have been in luv with her since about october 2014 and just waiting for it to fooking die off already. i mean theres nothing to sustain it. but the memories and sorrow hahahaha.

hey they say dont settle for someone who makes you an option not a priority. well priority means first choice. option means second or third choice. nope. i wouldnt want to marry and i sure wouldnt want to have CHILDREN with a second or third choice. it seems super unfair to the poor children.  i would rather find other ways to support other white children. white orphans hahahaha. maybe adopt a white orphan hahaha. but thats hard to do.  thats why everybody adopts nonwhite babies. theres not a huge supply of adoptable white children.

yeah i mean i guess i would do the right thing and try to take good care of my children even if i had them with a third choice woman. maybe i could grow to not hate the woman hahahaha.

but i would rather i be in luv with the woman i create and raise new life with. than use the poor children to try to force me together with the unimpressive woman.

but luv itself is overrated. thats not how the real world works. you wait for luv, you wait forever.

well, i disagree. women have been in luv YOUNG, and I think they should marry these guys rather than say “im too young to get married. i havent experienced enough of the world.” is always code for i want to be a huge slut. run away from me. i will be a terrible wife and mother.

shit i would have gotten married at age 21 if the woman had any interest hahaha. of course she didnt, i never even dated or fooked her (woman1).

it was amazing that I developed feelings for other women. a miracle from god. youd think once you found the luv of your life, you’re not gonna find anyone again. but i sure did. turned out she wasnt the luv of my life hahaha.

but That Woman sure was! this one was different because……out of all the women I have luved, like maybe 6 of them, she was the ONLY one I had a Real Relationship with! so that was a big deal.

i mean i fooked a gurl once but we didn’t have a Real Relationship! thats what i mean by pseudodating.

and there was NOTHING “PSEUDO” about the Real True Actual Literal Relship I had with That Woman.

ok going to get oil change tomorrow. called the car place like a real man. actually a real man would change his own oil. i am unmanly because i have literally no interest in cars. no interest in sports. no interest in gadgets and tinkering and workshops and tools and stuff. the manliest thing is that I do like guns, but I dont really care about the technical shit, like check out my sig sauer .4839038u5 caliber hollow point bla bla bla with i dont even fookin know. I just want a standard handgun made in a white country like US or germany or sweden or russia hahahaha.

but i am too lazy to do all the paperwork. I mean I would sound like a weirdo if I went to the gun store to talk about guns. they’d be like, uhhhh you are not a gun guy. you want this gun so you can do something WEIRD with it. Im not selling you a gun. and id be like how is protecting the second amendment WEIRD mufugga. hahahaha. and they say its not, but YOURE being shifty and disingenuous. you Reek of Weird Vibes. DRIPPING with DESPERATION. give off a really weird vibe hahahaha.

that is another big self criticism. I see myself as Just Giving Off a REally Weird VIBE that people can’t explain, they just FEEL it and SENSE that I am Weird. Like I am Emitting an Aura. Reeking and Dripping with desperation and weirdness, like pigpen is reeking waves of dirt and dust and BO. and everybody perceives this. men, women, employers.

but its really not true 100%! when you get to know me you see i am not THAT weird!!!!!!!! I was actually able to become Close Friends with an Attractive Young woman for 2+ years! and she didnt think I was weird during that time.

I was fairly well liked at my normie job for a full year!

so yeah this self image of myself as a BIG WEIRDO has got to stop. but ive kinda ALWAYS thought of myself as a huge WEIRDO. so that is a problem. sets you back on your confidence haha.

MJ makes MOST people degens and is a net negative for them…..but not for me! Ima Special Snowflake!

so i  became aware of this youtube gurl over the past month or so, evalion. this adorably cute, marriageable young waifu type, who is talking some pretty hardcore 1488 anti j00ish stuff. i guess after the sinead “dumpster fire” I am a lot more suspicious about this sort of thing.

yes she is insanely cute and i prob would marry her hahahaha. i am a sucker for pale skin and long dark hair.

BUT she has no business wearing such revealing clothing! red flag #1!!!

and muh buddies on TRS say she is obviously batshit crazy, personality disorders, bipolar, borderline, hysterical, sineadlike.

also I just dont TRUST pretty young gurls who get involved in The Movement at this level as Content Creators. I worry it is just a trend for them. I hope she proves me wrong in 5 years. but even sinead just appeared out of nowhere less than a year ago. then they get 20000 subscribers really fast, then within 6 months do something really stupid. its like real life. you get with a qt young gurl, seems too good to be true, because it is, and then 3 months later, its over, and you are horribly disappointed, heartbroken, and angry.

I like and trust wife with a purpose because she is not so “extreme” and she has 5 fooking kids. that is 5  great bona fides for me!

like i say, i hope evalion proves me wrong, but young women appearing out of nowhere and making these kind of political statements…..are usually batshit crazy and prob will turn away from the movement within a year when they find the next edgy thing.

besides with trump and everything, the “alt right” is getting moar attention, such that your internet savvy leftist professional colleagues who read buzzfeed or whatever might have read a shitty article about “white supreemist richard spencer” or somethign.

like you dont just show up to something like this. its a JOURNEY that takes YEARS and you should be able to talk about that journey. otherwise you are probably just being brainwashed by your aryan warrior boifran. why dont you make some babies with him instead of making vidyas and showing Thirsty Betas your secsy white skin.

come on TRS forums some time, these guys will put you in your place baby hahahaha. then you will call them a bunch of virgin woman hating f4ggots hahaha. and then get into flat earth or mudsharking or passing out paper flyers to white hating leftists about white genocide hahaaha.

making white babies and being faithful wives is the most important way these women can really help the movement. not by being crazy attention seekers.

come back when you have 5 kids like wife with a purpose.

but yeah. how many guys you been with? any black guys? how many abortions you had? you gotta vet these female entryists the same way you would vet a potential wife. cuz this is important shit.

i mean if a woman is into “basic bitch” political stuff, thats less concerning. like if they have  trump hat or vote for trump. perfect. but a 1488 white nationalist gurl is just too risky. its like when i was YOUNG, i thought it would be AMAZING to have a qt gurlfran who liked METAL. now i realize how bad of an idea that would be. especially now since women are getting into metal as its getting more hip. so you get hipster sluts, crazy sluts. just give me a nonslut who doesnt listen to music at all.

NILE is a great death metal band and more importantly seem to be great people. karl sanders seems like the nicest, sweetest, chillest guy. they dont seem to do degenerate drugs or bang bitches. i think karl has a wife and kids. the most they do is smoke MJ and drink beer. they clearly have tons of fun on stage, as they should. not a bad job to have. being a huge moneymaking band, be beloved by critics and fans, never selling out. they are totally living the dream. i really wish I liked them more, but I have such a hard time with the clicky drums and “overproduction” and I have wished and wished that nile just had a more “underproduced, raw” sound on record.

maybe i just need to watch more live shows hahahaha. but its really hard to get a good sound there too.

I would be like guys lets go into the studio and record the whole album as live as possible, then we might touch it up a little to bring out the best sound possible.

full disclosure: i saw nile in 1999 when i was a young teen and they were a few years from their peak. this was between “catacombs” and “black seeds” and they were playing tiny clubs and making a name. it was on my short list of best ever shows. very memorable. everyone in the band was mingling with the crowd and all very friendly. that made a big impression on me. some of the crowd were not familiar with the band but we were. we were up near the front of the stage head banging like metal nerds. it was a tiny club, much smaller than in this video. we we pumped up and the band was pumped up and it was a great show. everyone in the band was super outgoing and friendly, including karl sanders, who kinda seemed like a big drunk slob, but I think he was just chilled out from smoking MJ and playing a ridiculous show. very tight. we bought some CDs and they autographed them. just a great show and a great memory for a young metal fan. we had no idea they would get so YUGE in metal, but they sure did.

and they seem just as honest and genuine and sincere and friendly, so thats good. but after 10 albums they have a reputation as being a bit “wanky” and cramming 9000000000000000000 riffs into a riff salad and fast for the sake of fast, and having a sense of hubris that they cant tell that their songwriting is suffering.

well i can’t say their songwriting IS suffering! indeed i found the catacombs album to be VERY challenging to my 16/17 year old mind, and I made such a conscious effort to wrap my mind around it…..which ultimately proved very rewarding. but yeah. i got the black seeds album but then got off the nile train after that hahaha and maybe that was a bit premature on my part, is all I’m saying.

just try to remember the friendly, great guys who are making this kind of overwhelming, dizzying, confusing music hahaha.

like if they had more slow riffs and slow songs like on their “festivals of atonement” EP. that was less of a “progressive, technical” album but it showed some very solid songwriting. was less confusing and overwhleming and riff cramming.

anyway those were more innocent times hahaha and the old nile concert was a nice memory there. a sense of connecting with the people who make the music. them being really down to earth people. non autistic non neets. bigass normies in the best possible way. regular nice people doing something really kewl.

who knows maybe maybe other bands are just as Nice People. but i used to go to a lot of concerts and that sense of connection was often not nearly as much bla bla bla

managers listen to your god damn employees.

heh i think at my last job the managers WERE very willing to listen to the employees….but those managers didnt have any power to do anything or change anything. the REALLY big decisions were made by the managers managers. and those people we didnt like.

it has just been a really stupid ridiuclous retarded, stupid, pointless, wasted 10 months and counting. quit your job and try to find a new job. good god. just because a personal relationship went bad. come on.

yeah well that personal relationship was a part of that stupid job too.

so yeah. never get involved with anybody who’s in your office/department. that you have to see every day in other words.

uhhh maybe this was all part of GODS PLAN to show me that that was not the Job Meant for Me, and she was not the woman meant for me hahaha.

i guess GOD meant for us to be Good Friends for a few years…..but he definitely did not intend for us to be anything more. UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME, hahahaha.

uhhh then whyd he give me those feelings for her then. havent I been TESTED enough? I mean all the TESTING has been feeling more like a PUNISHMENT, for a LONG time.

you know whats 90000000000000000000000 times more degen than homosex? the stuff that average women do. because its SO widespread, and people just take it as normal. its NORMAL for people to have secs with people theyve just met. its NORMAL for women to have 10+ number. homos are a tiny part of the population and its not gonna affect us, well except for women who hang out with homos and treat their degeneracy as normal hahaha. every woman has gay male friends. you dont know any gays? just ask your gurlfran, she probably knows several. and sees no problem with them fooking 9000000000 other gay guys. perfectly ok. fisting parties and such.

so what the hell is your gurlfran ok with???!?!?!?!?! if she thinks all that is ok?!?!?!?!

when your GF hangs out with degenerates and says, nope I dont have any problem with this! as long as its consenting adults.

your woman should have a stronger moral compass than that.

hehehe adding to my questionaire for prospective wife.txt file again. now there is a good 10000 word post!

i would say if you are going through a tough time, then become a degenerate MJ smoker for 3 to 6 months. just to build some more distance between you and the tough event. then detox for 3 months and PROBABLY your pain will be less severe. if not, try to get 3 months of SObriety in, then become a degen stoner again for 6 months. and then quit again. by this time you should notice a difference.

yeah at this point its like processing GRIEF that just wont go away. that lingers WAY too long.

but i mean some people just cant be replaced! I never treated people as replaceable! i just wanted her to show me that I was a little less replaceable!

I felt this feeling of replaceability as soon as I starting dating women in 2004 and getting really dumped haaha.

ok doing laundry. also getting dental teeth cleaning today. that could be horrendous. I have not been taking care of teeth.

but yeah cute young gurls should be makign their own youtube channels saying gas the k1kes race war now 1488. leave that to the men. its weird and off putting and a turn off when women do that. just say trump is kewl and I will encourage my friends to vote for him. and that is MORE than good enough.

a cute young gurl could easily influence the vote of her Thirsty Beta Orbiters! I’ll hang out for you if you vote for trump. or hillary. or ANYONE.

but would this really have a big effect on the ultimate results? it would probably be less than 1%.

but 1% is actually pretty big though.

but yeah. she was very irreplaceable for me. i cant jsut go out and get a new one. her being gone leaves a big void. very much like someone dying. you cant replace them, and their loss leaves a void.

so at this point i would start looking at the Grief literature.

well since i dont have any MJ I took a big honking half dose of nyquil. almost out of nyquil hahahaha.

will def get some moar soon. weird how nyquil seems to reach its expiration date so quickly.

YOUR SHOT IN THE DARK IS AS GOOD AS THEIR BEST PRACTICES

[ NOV 9 2016::: yep pretty big deal about this election. just enjoying the schadenfreude, taste the tears of shitlib losers hahaha. obviously happy about the YUGE BIGLY victory. we are going to DRAIN THE SWAMP and BUILD THE WALL. glad to see a VINDICATION for FOOKING WHITE MALES. these are MY PEOPLE and I am glad that real everyday Working White people have some Real Political Power. I thought hillary was gonna win so this is a pleasant surprise. the shitlib tears and butthurt is absolutely AMAZING, i LUV it, though wish I knew some more IRL trump fans. and sometimes i do get triggered by the butthurt, esp white males crying about how much white people SUCK, thats very rustling, but you know what, YOU LOST, TRAITOR hahahahaha. there is talk that it was WHITE WOMEN who pushed trump towards victory, if that is true, then that makes me feel a HELL of a lot better about white women. selling out their gender to submit to the white patriarchy. just do me a favor and look at how antiwhite the anti-trump people are. really think about that. there’s nothing you can do, whitey, to keep the left from hating you. you have to become like THAT, and constantly say whites sucks, whites suck, whites suck, for the left to like you.

oh yeah. in case muh READERS were unaware, and I appreciate my 30 followers, THANK YOU!!!! but you HAVE to realize by now, I am a trump supporter, I am a part of the Alt-Right Movement, I am a White Racist, and I am Pro-White and all about The 14 Words: We Must Secure The Existence of Our People and a Future For White Children. I don’t HATE anybody, but I can’t possibly convince anyone of that, and its not worth the effort trying. I mean I HATE that people have become so anti-white!!!!!

But its because its all karma for slavery and oppression the white man has perpetrated, right, so now we have to pay it back, always and forever. karmas a bitch, and it will be SO GREAT when these WHITE PEOPLE are out of power, but we gotta go thru 4 more years of suffering, maybe 8, hahahahaha.

these people are antiwhite as fook and I just cannot accept that. and there are plenty of whites who are like, yeah, but white people DESERVE IT. Whites have done SO much injustice! Whites DESERVE it! hell yeah I’m gonna check my privilege and fight for a world where whites are no longer a majority!

Yeah well I’m not that kind of white and I am happy Our Guy won. Yeah we are definitely projecting a ton of shit onto him, he will probably end up selling out and softening, but i say give him a chance. he tapped into REAL white working class populist shit like no candidate has in my lifetime, and I appreciate that fully. (Plenty of college edumacated white professionals certainly do not!)

anyway enjoy the shitlib tears, you’ll get to enjoy them for the next 4 years, hopefully 8 HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. and if trump ever falters, there will be another to take his place. he’s opened the gate and we will certainly see more blatantly alt-right (pro white) candidates in the future…..and we will NEED them.

BUILD THE WALL, repeal the immigration act of 1965 hahahaha.

you will get moar election related poasts in like june 2017, thats how far behind this thing is.

]

april 29 2016:::

i was listening to the fatherland podcast and they started talking about the Neet Question in such a serious way that it nearly brought a tear to my eye. The host Jim is very good at that, i think he was getting emotional too, as he shared the story of his sad, pathetic, 40 year old neet brother.

https://radio.therightstuff.biz/2016/04/20/the-fatherland-episode-23-the-nq/

I wouldnt mind a whole show talking like this about neets, but yeah it IS really sad and despairing and might even make the tuff marine NO1 cry like a baby when you confront the stark sad reality of it, rather than treat neets like a joke. co host and executive longsuffering produce bradan agrees, that we treat the neet question with too much jest, when in reality, being a neet is GRIM and SAD as FOOK.

but yeah this show is so good, thats the reason i have permalinked in in the sidebar. and the show is just getting better with honest talks such as this.

a 40 year old neet whose life never really moved forward after high school. he is a weirdo with a small world and a small mind and can only play or talk about vidya games. he is too weird to spend much time with his young niece. jim admits some similar tendencies but was able to overcome them and find a good wife and some kind of tolerable job.

believe me, i dont like being a neet at ALL. its HORRIBLE.

but also being at a terrible job is also terrible. its honestly about as bad. the shame of being a neet will seem like a good bargain. in fact i think it still is a good bargain. and i TURNED DOWN a job on a SILVER PLATTER to go back to another call center.

also I learned my lesson, to not even look at her NAME on facebook. I can write her name or talk about her, but to see her actually writing or saying things herself is too much.

yeah shes got a right to exist and i will not infringe that, but I am dead to her, so she should be figuratively irrelevant and invisible to me. its not good for me to SEE her living her life in any way. she’d rather talk to other people than talk to me ever again.

but yeah it sucks to have someone be a good influence on you and you want more of them in your life…..but you are a bad influence on them and they want you out of their life. this is devastating to the self confidence.

in other words I should have not gone to that facebook page where she was likely to post. then I saw the most innocuous post ever from her and was triggered just by her saying 1 sentence to other people. cuz thats more than she would say to me. imagine if her picture showed her face or body or her with a new BF or she was making lots of in depth posts like I do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway that was yesterday this is today. new day.

its not like i was looking for her. I was looking for Public News Stories about the Job, about the center being SHUT DOWN and about 50 ft jobs being cut in the city. easily the type of thing that could appear in a business news section. i guess I should have known better about clicking on a FACEBOOK page in the google search results.

its like deep down i WANTED to see if her name was there, and when I did see it, I got bad sad fee fees hahahaha. DONT DO THAT!!!!!

damn that TON album slow deep and hard is really good. one of their best. it is arguably more carnivore than TON but I don’t mind. also I don’t find the production as shitty as the band does. I think the production is great, everything sounds great. There is a great arrangement ear for songwriting here. great songs made up of great riffs. almost every song is coverable. yeah ok some parts are stronger than others and one song starts to drag after 9 minutes, but this is all excuseable. Pete’s vocals are very very on point. he is a very good scream/shouter.  the album perfectly captures heartbreak and betrayal and despair and anger and all that. I have just enjoyed the album more and more over the past 17 or 18 years since I first heard it hahahaha wow. I could always come back to this album.

And yeah the goth/rock/fun influences they added on bloody kisses are great too. I enjoy that album greatly too. but SDH has a real edge to it. And some argue that “Der Untermensch” aka “Waste of Life” does not fit the theme…..but DAT RIFF is so good I don’t care. plus it kinda does fit the theme. Often when you are heartbroken the only thing that can get your mind off The Woman, is the idea of how Shitty And Disgusting Other People are, hahaha. Degenerate Deadbeat Parasites, hahaha.

Origin of the Feces is also very good despite its completely degenerate, 3edgy5u cover art. the covers of hey joe and paranoid are outstanding. they even play the waste of life riff once, at a super slow snails pace, which is how I would do my cover of the whole song hahaha. They should have done the whole song like that on OOF. The rearrangements are somewhat hit or miss, but even the “misses” are enjoyable.

i am very good about going to the Gym….but my GOD are the people ANNOYING. they are not intimidating as I once worried, but they are just ANNOYING as FOOK. at this point I crank up the speed or incline and listen to “waste of life” again hahaha. arabs that bathe in cologne. arabs and albanians that speak loudly in arabic or albanian. people talking on their phones loudly. blacks who listen to their rap music and move their arms and legs in an obnoxious “swagger” sort of way as the rap guys say profound, inspiring, admirable, noble, good things about crack and bitches be bitches and dolla dolla bills yall and gettin turnt up on purple drank and banging ratchet white becky bitches and going to the trap house and smoking blunts erry day. shit I would rather be a 40 year old neet virgin hahaha than a degenerate moron.

did I mention the story of the older arab woman who was chattering loudly in arabic and couldnt figure out how to use the treadmill and then turned it up too high and then fell down on the treadmill right next to me. Now I want to help any elderly people regardless of race, but I just froze and couldnt think quickly. now I know that you should just press the stop button on the treadmill hahaha. i stood there like an idiot and quickly a staff member who spoke arabic came rushing up, and i snuck away and went to a treadmill on the other end of the facility.

the staff has been very very good. friendly and professional and I have been nothing but impressed by these decent young people.

or people with stupid tattoos, and attractive young women with skin tight clothing. they dont need to do this.

but overall it has been a good experience because i am exercising reguarly and burning a lot of calories. and putting up with the annoying people. but my god are they fookin ANNOYING. it makes me feel very hateful, like i could never relate to people or make friends or get along with women hahahaha. feel very misanthropic.

but hey it gets my mind off that woman, and it helps me lose weight, so its all good.

also I have definitely made SOME progress in the past 9 months. I dont think about that woman AS much. it IS slooooooooooooooooooowly getting better. so thank GOD for that.

im still not sure what I WANT from her. as in, do I WANT her to contact me and apologize? sort of, but I also WANT her to be with me, and I would use that towards that end, unsuccessfully. get my hopes up again. or be disappointed that she wasnt apologizing well enough, didnt seem to understand. disappointed if she wanted to be just friends, while she fooked guys and lived life and makes money and we went to a much more superficial shallow friendship than we had in the past.

i mean the shit that happened between us is MAJOR and really the only way to get through it would be to have HOURS of conversation about it, and probably for her to wholeheartedly commit to me as a monog long term GF. t show me a lot of luv and support and effort. make time for ME. WANT to spend time with me. dont nag me because you make more money than me.  these are all pretty big things to ask, which she prob wouldnt be willing or able to do.

we’d have to both get back to the level of closeness we had before, in the good times, AND move that forward into a Definite Dating Rel. THAT is what I want, and that is VERY unlikely to happen even if she DOES contact me at some point. at BEST she would give a halfhearted apology, talk about how good she’s doing, and then move on with her successful life after appeasing her guilt with this one small token.

still not ready to return to facebook yet. that will take at least a year hahahah. and really. how useful was facebook anyway? I dont really miss it. I’m kinda glad to be RID of it. stalking people I never talk to, reading peoples bullshit news feeds, comparing myself to them. I very well may NEVER go back to facebook. facebook is a net negative.

all my real friends have my email and phone and I have THEIR email and phone.

I would recommend You All try deactivating your facebook for at least a month or 3 and see how it works for you! It’s been a pretty good thing for me!

trump protestors. what pathetic subhumans hahahaha. i don’t like any of the non trump candidates but Im not gonna fooking PROTEST them. carl the cuck and aids skrillex losers. ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW. WOW. JUST WOW. I CANT EVEN. YOURE A FOOKING WHITE MALE.

shit i give the recruiter a list of thirty names, and they respond with yeah the center closing is not confidential because we already know about it. if you have any referrals id greatly appreciate it.

WTF?!??!?!?!?!?!??!??!!!????!!!???!!!???!!!??!?!?!?!????!!?!?!

you’re making 50 grand a year and this is the level of cluelessness you show?

it’s just been really hard for me to understand people making good money for being clueless, incompetent, and inefficient, in the business world, which is supposed to trim fat and increase efficiency.

they aim to do that on paper…….. but give the surface the SLIGHTEST scratch, and you will find HORRIFYING disorganization and incompetence. managed by a team of college educated managers. its an OBVIOUS DISGRACE the way these companies are run. if their CUSTOMERS saw this, they would RUN AWAY and the company would RIGHTFULLY go out of business. I hate this shit. I guess I have THAT much respect for asshole customers hahaha. i just REFUSE to scam and bullshit people.

I suppose “referral” must mean here is the persons phone number, you can call them, and I’ve gotten express permission from them to have you contact them and say I referred them. I didn’t say this. I wanted to be kept anonymous and really gave them a bunch of “leads” as opposed to “referrals.”

hey I dont know best practices in the recruiting field!

But I guess that makes me just as smart and competent as someone WORKING IN the recruiting field!

You want to hope that people are skilled experts……but you know JUST AS MUCH as the “EXPERTS!”

your shot in the dark is just as good as their best practices!!!!!!!

THEY DONT KNOW THEIR OWN BEST PRACTICES!!!!!!! and they are PAID for this service!!!!!!!

HOW DO THESE COMPANIES SURVIVE?????? AND THEY DO!!!!!!!!

i am VERY frustrated by this.

then you take it too far and start doubting all experts and start becoming anti-science and anti-intellectual. evolution is just a “THEORY” hahahaha. dinosaurs are just a “THEORY”.

but questioning authority is generally a good thing.

it would suck if trump has a heart attack or something. he is like 70 years old, how can he be so high energy all the time. I know he is in great health, but….i mean I just dont want him to overexert himself. he has to live for at least the next 8 years hahaha. he is our only hope hahaha.

questions for potential wife.txt: why don’t you have any respect for human life or the process that creates it?

hahahahaha.

ok took some time to complete a decent application for a university FT clerk job I would be stupid not to apply for.

a few months ago i would have been like noooo the whole application process is too excruciating. but i have come a long way baby. i converted my txt files to doc files this time around, see if that helps.  included link to shiny new linkedin profile.

open office, when you save as a doc file, does not show the god damn date modified whatsoever! so stupid! this is persuading me to try libre office now.

I lost somebody who was important to me in a very hurtful way and it hurt me a lot! and they dont seem to care at all! these facts cannot be denied hahaha. that is the basics of the situation. show some care and concern about me and the good, valuable, important friendship we had!

well i am not the worst neet becuase I care about lifting myself up from neetness. I dont want to be a neet. I apply for jobs and talk to recruiters and take assessments and put on semi nice clothes and shave. I apply for dozens of jobs. I exercise regularly and am successfully losing weight. I care about things other than anime and vidya. I dont like these things at all. all this puts me WAY ahead of the average neet.

but yeah if i had to do a masters degree, it would probably be a psychology related thing to neets and or marriage and relationships. all with a heavy counseling angle.

so you see why I am not chomping at the bit to do a masters degree. there is NO WAY you can make this degree profitable. unless you get into a decent all expenses paid PHD program…..and that is not gonna happen.

it would literally be more profitable for me to work in a call center the rest of my life.

hahahahha some phaggot protester is holding a sign saying TRUMP = NAZI omg hahahaha. this is literally the level of these people. it sounds like a parody but its REALITY.

literally literally literally. heh. get this word out of your vocabulary. you’ve been hanging out with WOMEN too much. fook that shit. dont talk like a WOMAN hahahaha.

come on. WOMEN arent that bad. even SHE wasnt that bad. sure she was a little dumb and annoying when i mattered THE MOST but that doesnt make her a bad person. i just wish she had been better to me, and that she recognizes the error of her ways and asks to BE with me. not gonna happen, hahaha.

fookin recruiters. another jackass bitch from linkedin wanting to recruit for a “technical support ENGINEER” who “enjoys solving complex technical problems.”  this wouldnt be so bad if it didnt mean CALL CENTER where you are forced to cut corners and bullshit people on complex problems just to “handle” the most calls as quickly as possible.

email us back with the exact error code and we will get back to you within 72 hours. even though you told them exactly when and where it happened.

also they tell YOU to be more specific and to give more information……but they are not specific about what information. tell us the line number and your computer properties. COMPUTER PROPERTIES??????

I would ASSUME that what they want is the stuff under “computer properties” when you press shift+pause break. excuse me, win+pausebreak. =  System Information.

normies don’t know how to win+pausebreak and I wouldnt expect them to. I bet SHE didnt know about win+pausebreak.  that INCOMPETENT MORON who didnt DESERVE her job!!!!! hahaha. i only learned about it from an autistic level 1 guy. he loved the shit out of vidya and anime.

MAYBE i could go back to a tech support call center later in life when i have more strength and confidence and toughness, and then actually make some good money. some people actually do make a good living in this field. like she is shaping up to be one of those people. i was shaping up to be one of those people until i had my breakdown. because of HERRRRRRR hahahaha. no because of my Inability To COPE with Herrrrrrrrrrr.

unsuccessfully coping with the natural beauty of being thrown away like a piece of garbage hahahaha

thats a TON reference

(type o negative)

see I think my jokes are funny but you kinda need other people to think the jokes are funny in order for them to be REALLY funny.

literally funny.

its not funny if NO ONE GETS the joke.

ok libre office documents show the date modified. that settles it. i am switching over.

shit i cant believe i looked at porn in november hahahah. that brings my streak back to under 6 months.

actually its techincally less since i saw some SLUT on TUMBLR in like february…….but I eventually forced myself to stop looking at that and didnt Jerk Off to the dirty degenerate fatherless whore spreading her cvnt and asshole to the whole world and calling it erotic art.

heh. anti hillary and anti bernie protesters are not as degenerate and uncouth and barbaric as these disgraceful anti trump protestors. just fooking riff raff.

yeah it would have been so nice to have a normie relship with a woman i really liked and really got along with. i have not cuddled with a gurl in like 11 years, havent had good heterosexual fun in 11 years. the closest was a retarded very random drunken make out session with a random drunk gurl a little over 10 years ago, but even that was a big dropoff in fun from the 11 years ago action. that (the 11 years one) was with some bitch i was in luv with…..but we didnt actually KNOW each other or really get along with each other, they way I did with woman2015. it just felt really good to have a cute gurl making out with me rubbing against muh d hahahaha. you get harder than you ever could to porno.

and if i could have done that with HER, it would have been even better. cuz we had something REAL hahaha.

it just sucks that she has experienced being in a rel for 5 years, and me for never more than 3 shitty months hahahah.

so when we had a good 2 year friendship, that meant a lot to me. thats a LOT to get from a woman. for me. women usually want nothing to do with me, and i want nothing to do with them. a total mgtow hahahaha.

i mean i dont want random secs, i want a rel. and in a way, i did have a rel with her. so its no surprise i got deep feelz for her.

those other gurls i made out and cuddled and fell in luv with…..we never had a real rel. I had a more real rel with That Woman. and a real rel means a lot to me.

All Yall Bitches an Hoes just cannot understand this and need it severely Mansplained haha.

Men understand Relationships and Luv much better than Women do.  Such a shame men need women to have a Hetero RElationship hahahahaha.

no not all women are so incompetent at relationships. in fact SHE was VERY competent in OTHER relationships! she just didnt want to be competent with ME! i’m not even TALKING about her wanting a rel with me! I’m talking about her wanting to be COMPETENT with me!

its not fair to her and really not fair to me either to blame it on her being a dumb whore…..because shes not. i purposely stay away from dirty whores. i am DONE with dirty whores and refuse to associate with that filth. you see too much of that, and you begin to think all women are like that, and thats how you become a true woman hater.

she was not a dirty whore but she STILL hurt me deeply. just a difficult, sad, tough situation with no easy answers hahahaha. well other than i need to be more assertive and timely with my communication. just take charge of shit and not let it get out of hand.

why dont companies give good training to their employees?

because it costs too much money!

why dont companies give good service to their customers?

because it costs too much money!

now you’re getting it!!!!!!

believe me i am not anti-business!!!!! and i say fook “corporate social responsibility!” but i say companies should have a responsibility to train their employees to provide GOOD service to their customers!

just run a business like a good decent honest white man would! thats it!!!! and that really IS too much to ask.

its really not too much to ask to ask women to be decent and mature people. i dont want this event to make me think that all women are horribly immature and cant act responsibly in a relationship.  they just never have with ME hahahaha.

well thats not even true. the sluts i never even really knew treated me more responsibly and maturely than the woman I Truly Knew did.

oh well. just find some damn dirty whore because thats all women are anyway.

NO RESPECT FOR HUMAN LIFE OR THE PROCESS THAT CREATES IT.

Well maybe they respect human life……..just not the process that creates it.  thats acceptable right?

NOPE.

because its a slippery slope to not respecting human life period. getting abortions and cheating and lying and screwing and j00ing and abandoning and betraying.

they dont understand this though.

I guess they dont need to udnerstand it, as long as they dont Act like whores and do all those horrible things. actions speak louder than understanding or not understanding hahahaa.

also they might not UNDERSTAND it but they still have a solid moral code that says “casual sex is gross and I Just Don’t Do That.” that’s MORE than good enough for me hahahaha.

Casual Sex to me is when you know the guy less than two months before fooking them. Shit I would LIKE at least SIX months, but if you were to look at the Distribution Curve…..you’d probably find a Big Hump at like ONE month.

we need to bring that up to six months, at least.

sex before two months, abortions, cheating, these bitches have no guilt or shame about these things.

hahahaha.

she probably felt SOME guilt about the way she dumped me, rightfully so. she just probably got OVER that guilt a LOT quicker than I got over the pain and got over her. I want the pain of guilt for her to be at LEAST 50% of the pain I felt from being Walked Out On by an Important Person.

not 100, not 90, just 50. i take responsibility for 50% of my feelings hahahahahahahaha.

also, if she had TRIED, she could have saved me 10% of my pain, at least. it doesnt sound like a lot……but 10% of a billion dollars is still a LOT of money. so she would have saved me a LOT of pain, and i would have APPRECIATED it a LOT. I would have been a LOT less bitter.

this was a very SAD thing and I was/am very BITTER as well as sad.

yeah i will get over it all, it will just take a LONG time and she could have helped make that time shorter with just a LITTLE effort on her part. show ANY effort. a LITTLE effort is a LOT better than NO effort.

also it would have been nice if, as a part of quickly getting over her guilt, she did SOMETHING, made a GESTURE of penance and amends as part of appeasing that guilt.

i mean if she did that now….well i would just ask her, is there any chance you would want to go out with me. yes or no. NOT i dont know. if theres a chance lets try it. if theres not, tell me NO. not MAYBE. if maybe, lets just try it. like you dont fook guys you know less than two months hahahaha you cvmhungry whore. cvmgry.

i am indecisive and dont know on alot of stuff. confused and unsure and on the fence. but when it comes to the women i luv, i am All In for Them. of that there is no doubt. certainly I have never been on the receiving end, but I would like a woman to give me a CHANCE for more than 2 or 3 months hahahaha. how can I not even last 3 months. that is a bit humiliating. theyd rather get their ass pounded by swarthy strangers than hang out with ME. you start to develop an inferiority complex. like you arent Cool or Sexy or Exciting or Manly enough for Women.

heh. at this point i dont care that the women from 11, 12 years ago are WAY more successful than me. And one day I will not care that woman2015 is way more successful than me hahaha. I do wish I were a little more successful though. successful enough to pull a decent woman ahahaha.

and i found a decent woman and we were good friends for a long time wawawawawawawa. and then it ended in the worst way ever wawawawwawa.

hahahahaha i was more than cool enough for her until i started liking her hahaha. then that was just GHASTLY and ABOMINABLE and HORRIFYING to her. ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING. thanks i appreciate that hahaha.

fookin .05/.10 holdem hahahaha. getting into the big leagues now.  this is about 2 to 4 cents. when i sit down with a 10.00 chip stack that is about $4.54 USD.

heh. well maybe in january 2017 my state will have legal w33d and i will be getting blazed all the time hahahahaha. like that is a good thing.  then i would fail all these goddamn drug tests.

i mean when an important person in your life goes away, it leaves a VOID. i wouldnt mind filling that void. sometimes smoking MJ is a way you can filled various voids. probably not a good thing though.

i am just mad she can handle a grown up job and make good money. yes it is discouraging to have women who reject you also make more money than you and be more career successful than you. whatever happened to the wage gap. i thought men were supposed to make more than women. and if you are a man who is very bad at making money, you will be considered invisible or repulsive by women. I mean she is 8 years younger than me and makes 3 dollars an hour more than I am looking for!!!!

when a MUCH younger WOMAN makes a LOT more money than you…..that is humiliating. especially when she has rejected you extremely harshly.