sept 20

meet with shrink today for first time in over a month, should be entertaining hahahaha.

reddit. if youre upset about being dumped, then youre automatically CONTROLLING and ABUSIVE and immature. werent you ever upset about being dumped? also i think that YES you ARE a little bit on the hook for your Ex Partners feelings at the end of the rel. its not a goddamn get out of jail free card. its not a waive all your responsibilities card.

BREAKUPS INVOLVE RESPONSIBILITIES TOO. thats what reddit and apparently 50% of women dont seem to understand hahahaha.


wewlad, daily shoah gets a VICE reporter on the show, then within hours the TDS soundcloud is shut down (again!). apparently its a 20 year old gurl with valley gurl vocal fry hahahahaha oh man dis gon be gud.

also bulbasaur is back and this is legit a big deal, hope he stays back.

anyway i basically just hate the feeling of not being able to HANDLE anything. go to a job and not know what to do, bullshit your way through things, deal with bitches bitching at you all day, just surviving one day at a time on the edge. you just want to come home and smoke big fat b0wl until you are blazed as fook, and then immed go to bed. but you cant because you dont have a source for MJ and you cant do drugs in front of your family, plus you shouldnt be doing drugs anyway hahahahaha.

but i also think it really HELPS when you have a stressful job you are just trying to survive one day at a time. helps you Switch Off after a horrible day, and also to slow down and get some rest for another horrible day tomorrow.  more effective than just about anything else. lack of hangover. the next best thing obviously is exercising STRENUOUSLY till exhaustion. cant do that EVERY DAY though.

well, one day you could cardio strenuously, then the next day LIFT strenuously. there you go.

applied for job at ticketmaster. maybe eddie vedder can call me up and bitch at me hahahahahahahahaha.  that fooking phaggot. he couldnt HANDLE working a DAY at ticketmaster. the 424th job.

i guess 500 is a lot nicer, rounder number than 400 eh?

yeah i am digging this bell witch pretty well. maybe i just really like that cover art hahahaha.  anyway they have no guitar just bass and honestly i couldnt really tell cuz doom usually tunes their guitars so low that it almost doesnt matter hahaha.

this is a 28 year old woman. he’s my best friend and we are looking forward to an AWESOME FUTURE with NO KIDS and LOTS OF CATS.

of COURSHE, REDDIT sees nothing wrong with this whatsoever. totally valid lifestyle choice.


because KIDS are SO UNCOOL and CATS are AWESOME. RAWR!!!! KIDS are LAME and prevent you from achieving success in your CAREER, making a difference with nonwhite children in africa and arabia, and from TRAVELING.  this is normal stuff for a 28 year old childless woman to be thinking. because they are not going to have fertility problems in the next 5 to 10 years or anything.

sheeeeeeit rejected by ticketmaster SAME DAY as applying. THANK YOU!!!!!!!

and this is with my New Cover Letter Now With Brief Getting Out In Front Of the Issue Explanation of Gap!

i was thinking, every man should have a female friend or acquaintance that he gets to Cuddle With on the Regular. like once every 2 weeks at least. it would not be a Dating or Secsual or Monogamous Rel of course. well, of course the guy would probably fall in luv with the gurls. so the gurl should have the training to manager that inevitability, because i believe if it were managed well, the pros could outweigh the cons.

but then its a slippery slope to degeneracy like fook buddies and all that degen.

but cuddling isnt degen at all!

yeah but you shouldnt do it with just anybody and be a damn no strings attached cuddle slut…..should you?

because if you cuddle with a cuddle buddy, aren’t you increasingly likely to get feelings for them? yes. same as if you fook them.

but casual cuddling is WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY less DEGEN than casual fooking. better for your soul.

had pretty uneventful meeting with shrink. just vocalizing my somewhat growing discouragement with job search, etc. things i might try doing differently, like focusing more on “low hanging fruit” like part time jobs and the god damn temp agency, etc.

listened to first hour of new daily shoah where they gangraep cutesy female journalist. i mean she sounds like a college idiot even though shes gotta be like 28 or 30 years old with a Professional Career since at least 2007 with atlantic, vice, maybe msnbc. i bet she went to a good college, maybe even ivy. theres no reason for her to talk like this unless she is coming in bad faith. they talk about the issue of bad faith. it takes 20 minutes before the good talk gets going. she starts with coy bad faith questions about pepe and the guys are very tight lipped because they see right through the shit.

really i think they should do this more often, and have it be just mike enoch vs the journalist, so it doesnt seem like they are ganging up on the poor widdle gurl.

ok heres the one they did a few weeks ago with the gawker journalist, i will listen to that one next

i have NEVER been good at debating my enemies, sheeeeeeit i cant even debate my leftist FRIENDS. when they start saying something leftist, i just keep my mouth shut. if i were as strong and sharp and quick on my feet as mike enoch, damn that guy is good. i might actually have a chance at challenging my friends preconceived notions.

well, im sure you go easier on your friends. just chip away slowly and make little chinks in the armor, then sit back and let them question themselves. that is what i would like to do. but if you get a damn enemy like a vice journalist, of course you want to DEMOLISH them.

and i want to see more of these kind of debates.

well i dont really want to listen to the MW / Sargon debate. Although I think MW has gotten more ballsy since then. No, I want to hear Tuff Guy Mike Enoch DESTROY LEFTISTS.

sept 21

sheeeeeeit. so i ran into this guy i used to work with at this auto related store today. he told me a bunch of people went to work at this one company that did not surprise me, i knew a few went there, turns out it was more than a few. he said they paid 18 an hour. he interviewed for them but did not get the job. i said sheeeeit thats some bullshit, fook them, whatever man, forget about it.

he let slip that That Person was working at this Company which I wont name but now I know the name of it and I wont apply there hahahaha. i think he said she interviewed at the same company he did and also did not get the job, and some people he felt shouldnt get that job, got it. i THINK he said she interviewed but did not get it. if so, i was happy about that, because he is smarter than her, and if he didnt get the job, she shouldnt get the job. also she doesnt come across as very strong or sharp or smart. but i guess she got something. not 18 an hour though. prob not.

he has no idea my history with her and i didnt ask about her, he mentioned her just as he was rattling off people we used to work with.

he mentioned some of my favorite people from the job, and they were being “bums” not working. me too i said, hahahaha. i actually talked to this guy pretty well, like a total normie. well we got along fairly well, i think i liked him more than he liked me tho hahahaha.  well whatever. he’s got kids to raise and he is a busy guy so i just chalk it up to that. plus he is nonwhite so, whatever. he is not a bad guy though! he deserves a 18 dollar an hour job too!

also i dont think he fooked That Woman. well who knows. maybe she fooked everybody. he did not seem too interested in her tho. also she was not a huge slut when i knew her. i have this fantasy narrative where she became a huge slut the moment she dumped me hahahaha.

well now i know the name of her company so i know not to apply there. and i am not tempted to look her name up to find any info about her. not that i have. i have NOT. but now i might look up the company and see how much her position pays hahahaha. something having to do with documents and forms.

was driving home late last night and had awful feeling, why is the car pulling this much, whats that sound, whys this feel so weird, oh shit, do i have a flat tire, and turns out yes yes i definitely do. instant panic hahahaha.

ive actually never successfully changed a flat tire as shameful as that is.

well i carefully drove to a gas station about half a mile away and tried putting some air in the tire. didnt seem to help at all. not sure i was putting the air in right though.

called fam to let them know what was going on. i was scared and helpless and weak hehehehe so shameful and pathetic. plus they might have insurance that has roadside service.

anyway the fam came out but they didnt really NEED to, because i managed to figure out the complicated procedure of jacking the car up, removing the bad tire, and putting on the spare tire. then putting some air in the spare tire, and driving carefully home.

so that was actually kind of empowering and confidence building. i was always worried i would put the tire on wrong, or jack the car up wrong, put the jack in the wrong place, not put the tire on right, the tire would come fully off while i was driving, etc. but no, everythign went very well. and now i just feel bad about making the fam come out there and get worried. was like 8 miles from home. didnt want them to think i was in jail for drunk driving or smething. i have not drank in 7 years!!!!!

i had always said one day i would practice jacking up car and replacing the tire, just so i could do it quickly and confidently when needed. but i never got around to it hahahaha.

but i managed to pretty much do it yesterday. it was kinda slow but i eventually made progress. next time i could do it a lot faster.

it was like oh shit am i doing this right, am i screwing up the car, i dont know what this is supposed to be like, and then ultimately everything worked out. kinda like my job hahahaha.

but its one thing when you are responsible for yourself, vs taking the responsibility for someone ELSE and THEIR problem. like me trying to tell another person how to change their tyre, when I had never done it myself.

so yeah if i had to do it again, i would be a lot less nervous. well assuming i had the correct tools and a properly inflated spare tyre hehehe.

but yeah it was not quick. it was closer to 60 minutes than 30 minutes. if you know what youre doing you could prob do it in under 20.

had dream last night featuring woman#….3? i cant even. no i think it was woman4. from 2005. she was a prudish innocent asexual type gurl, i liked her Secsual Innocence and total lack of sluttishness. but yeah she was not interested in me and i came on too strong hahaha. but she was a decent choice i think, would have made a good gf if she were willing. which she werent hahaha. i would have totally monog trad dated her for 2 years. shared firsts with her hahahaha.

anyway in the dream she was being nice to me and cuddling with me, possibly some making out. and that felt really good. smiling and gazing at me and cuddling and making out and touching, nothing too degen though. so that was pleasant.

so it was nice to feel those feels for someone who was not That Woman.

Sheeeeeit, i’ll take a Previous Woman from 11 years go, over That Woman, ANYDAY!!!!!!

anyway the guy i talked to told me His Price. His Going Rate. he wont take a job for less than this amount. it is a pretty respectable number, a little high, but it’s good to think highly of yourself hahahahaha. and he is worth it. hell were ALL WORTH it, its just, can you GET it.

the number was higher than 15 an hour hehehe. and certainly higher than 12-13 an hour like i am aiming for now.

i dont know why that big company didnt hire him. he is a pretty normie guy and pretty smart and why the hell wouldnt they want a smart nonwhite.  maybe the guy seems laid back or stoned or something? but he doesnt smoke MJ, at least not regularly! he’s just kinda laid back. which is GOOD! i dont get it. do you have to be electrifying?

i mean yeah i try to present as more energetic and electrifying, but just come across as nervous and anxious and virginy hahahaha.

great fun listening to death panel destroy the widdle gurl journalist. i mean she sounds like such a retarded idiot. you cant even have a productive conversation with these people hahaha. i look forward to listening to the male gawker journo they had on a month ago. maybe he can actually not sound like a 13 year old moron gurl.  its amazing this woman can make good money and i struggle to get a 12 an hour job!

yeah ghoul is autistic and these conversations should really be mike enoch and the person alone, cuz once mike pins them down, he can deal the finishing blow, but with all the other 5 guys sperging out, it allows the journo to squirm away and dodge questions like a sneaky little J.

it was funny to hear seventh son snap and get angry, he is usually very chill. but hes like shut the fook up you god damn liar.

so yeah i hope this becomes a regular thing and that mike e can structure it a little better. take the good suggestions of the commenters. i havent even looked at the forum yet but supposedly there is pretty good proof that it was This Woman Reporter who got TRS soundcloud shut down.

well she makes money because of her jooish boifran. well hes just a damn journalist too!

but he comes from a family of jooish doctors. monay.

hehehe the people at trs do their due diligence.

also she used to be married to a white guy who was a military guy AND a leftist who fabricated stories of military being abusive to iraqis for the new republic in 2007. he recanted his story and she gained a reputation as being very lazy on fact checking. theory that she is only still working because she dumped the white guy and started fooking a pure joo journalist.

not sure where she went to skool. georgetown?

nope university of missouri columbia, journalism, 2005.

ok, that is the same thing as MU aka mizzou.

she possibly met her lying leftist x husbando there. not sure. dont really care.

but yeah the grilling on TDS could have gone a lot better by having a more intimate convo with k1ke enoch, maybe he could play nice for the first 20 minutes, lure her in, then trap them like a rat.

but of course i understand that you should show this vermin no respect.

i guess i just cant help white knighting for white gurls. i sadly would probably bang her 6/10 fetal alcohol syndrome, 34 year old, hipster problem glasses wearing, body, vocal fry, leftist, lying.

im just curious to see what happens after this. like what kind of article is she gonna write. i mean she was made to look like an IDIOT. that cant be good for her story.

i wanted funeral doom, why dont i just go with a trusted name here, and not just listen to the first song only, hahahahaha. i hear the third song is also pretty good.

interesting seeing that guy from the job. he was on my good list so i didnt mind talking to him. realize i hadnt seen him in over a year. 14+ months. WOW.

cant help but think of That Woman and how i am a just a small insignificant part of her Distant Past, and she should be the same to me, but she’s not!

but she’s moved on, new job, 14 months, def new cox, maybe some new lovers that she can fall in luv with, new friends she can be interested in, new life, new everything.

tho i am sorta glad she wasnt BRIGHT enough to get that 18 an hour job all the other people got. because she really is not a very sharp thinker in the technical field. she just is more emotionally mature and disciplined than me hahahaha. she is more mature than me hahahaha yet she cant send 1 text to end a 3 year rel. i am less mature than that apparently hahahahahaha.

but yeah i couldnt help but think of her when i saw this guy. bringing back memories of the awful job from so long ago. yet i cant get over HER. i cant really get over that job either hahaha. this man i talked to didnt hate it nearly as much as i did. he was very chill and laid back and could roll with the punches very well. i wish i could do that.

yeah i totally understand why she could throw a person away. it just hurts a LOTTTTTT and I guess I dont understand why she couldnt send a messanger to just say sorry for the way this all went down, have a good life. that would have helped a lot. couldn’t you care enough to do that?

maybe by the time she thought of doing that, some time had already passed, and she figured it would be like ripping open an old wound again. which makes sense.  i can understand that.


so sending messages that will get blocked makes you the bad guy, becuase they didnt CONSENT to receiving those messages. its LITERALLY RAPE hahahahahaha.

heh. the amount of dollars per hour you make is like your LEVEL.

are you a loser making 11 dollars an hour?

or are you a huge winner making 18 dollars an hour?

its “ONLY” 7 dollars. but that 7 dollars makes ALL THE DIFFERENCE in the world between a loser and a winner. thats 14k a year between big loser and big winner. hmmm.

22k a year vs 36k a year.

i think savage.wav comes from the michael savage show and not necssarily devil may cry. just a thought.

referrinf to the sweet audio drop on the fatherland haha

im honestly not this ADD. this is just mental multitasking, i have to have two trains of unrelated thought going at all times. i blame the job really. with all the damn CASES that we did.

plus im jealous of how SHE used to work on 3 or 4 or 5 cases AT THE SAME TIME. she was a better multitasker than me.

but was she ultimately more effective? or efficient? i dont think so.

btw if i havent made this clear, multitasking is ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT and anyone who says its a good thing, you should punch them repeatedly in the face.

multitasking is a jooish lie, scam, myth, farce, lies, bullshit.


real controversial title here!  and i did not watch the video so…..i guess its some young MSc who got a sweet 100k job for what he went to graduate skool for, and he is complaining about Grad students taking Business classes because they want to work “in industry” as opposed to……didnt watch the video. in industry as opposed to academia, government, nonprofits, public sector i guess?  and they think taking a marketing class will somehow make them more hirable? but it really doesnt? and they should just get into a better grad program instead? but why are you in grad skool if its not a good one? because people will just go to grad skool. not even joking. but how could just about any MSc degree be “worthless?”

because some degrees that seem worthwhile are worthless. like a phoenix MBA hahahahaha. but thats a business degree.

well, like maybe if you get a “general” library or education masters degree. or social work. i guess biology is shitty too.

heh. this is why i avoid graduate skool. why i avoided it for 10 years. i would rather try to survive in the real world. and i havent figured out how to do that yet! apparently by being able to be calm and make decisions and bullshitting in Tough Situations!

heres the TDS with the vice gurl, it hadnt been uploaded to youtube yet yesterday hehe

i mean it was kinda a trainwreck and could have been a lot better, but it was still very entertaining and illustrative. and cant stop listening. but it still could have been better. like yeah actually talk about the JQ for an hour. but she’s not gonna come back, she’s prob the one who reported TDS to soundcloud. she wont come back to have a more productive discussion.

basically there was a lot of wasting time of people interrupting, her being an idiot, some of the guys being autistic. something more focused with just mike and the reporter, talking in depth about one issue, like the JQ or White Privilege or Housing or Immigration or Punching Down or Systemic Racism. pick one and only one. yeah i know its hard when theres all these good interrelated topics. but you cant give them any place to run to, any chance to change the subject.

anyway yeah it started getting good near the end of the interview. it took 2 hours to start really getting good.




aug 31



put this in sidebar, i want to caputre the worst article ever AND a few hundred comments

nymag open marriage cuckoldry article by sonmore



here is the sequel / follow up with the man and his “wife.”

the first article is timeless, classic, godawful, and i will put it in the sidebar As A Ghastly Monument (Ruins of Beverast reference/credit.)

i might be moving Towards A New Cover Letter Hermeneutic where the new Way is really to hit them HARD with a Fully Tailored, Individualized First Paragraph that cups their balls and sucks their dick and appeals to their mission and demonstrates my passion for their company and how i can add value and increase profitability by specifically matching the requirements of the specific job, in the culture of this specific company, addressing these particular pain points, and why i am THE SINGLE BEST CANDIDATE out of millions, and this, and no others, IS my Dream Career.

in other words, REALLY step up my Tailoring of the CL. I tailor the CL a TINY bit, changing a few words or sentences each time. so, do more than that.

also, attempt to aim for the Average Salary of my state, and NOT the whole US, which is 28k, and my state is a LITTLE below that.

yeah 12 to 16 is a ridiculous range to give. i should just say 12 to 14.

or 12 to 13 hahahaha.

people who have college careers and make 40k + cringe at talk like this. they never mention numbers. i mention numbers ALL DAY.

yeah i guess i used to think it was VULGAR too. but now I just think its Keeping It Really Real. How Much Does The Market Say You Are Worth?

no its not the sum total of Who You Are…..but it DOES tell me a LOT about what Your Employer thinks you are Worth, and What Kind of Life you live, and probably the type of people you associate with.

(People tend to associate with people who make about the same amount of MONEY as they do. So I feel a little weird when people who make WAY MORE MONEY than I do, huge winners, invite me to hang out with them. Of course I accept the invitation graciously.)

so yeah fook this 15 dollars an hour bullshit. i am willing to pay my dues and make 13 dollars an hour like the people in muh subaverage state. those fancy phaggots in joo york and phag phagcisco can take their 15 dollars an hour and pozz each others assholes with it. besides in those cities it costs 600000k per month to live in a one room shack tiny house, and it costs 90000000$ for a package of ramen. no thanks.

if a man is complaining about COMMUNICATION all the time, and his wife/gf is never WILLING to COMMUNICATE, and she’s always SHUTTING ME OUT, and so DISTANT, and putting up a WALL, she has to be willing to COMMUNICATE, well then thats him signalling that HE has HUGE communication issues, he’s projecting, HE’S really the one who doesnt know how to COMMUNICATE hahahaha.

i was watching married at first sight and derek was complaining about his distant, unwilling, stubborn, bitchy horrible (but very bangable) wife, who simpyl would not give him a chance. he is kinda a douchebag but he had some GREAT points about communication, where I nodded my head vigorously and said YES. YASSSS. THIS. SO MUCH THIS.

and hes also right that she is no spring chicken at 33, but my god she has a very fookable ass hahahahahahaha. she has to be in the top 10% of attractiveness for 33 year old women. I would DESTROY her.

and this derek is a pretty masculine man too, i’m sure he would destroy her too, but thats how stubborn she is. she probably would have gladly let him destroy her 5 years ago. now im not sure what she wants. probably a total beta bucks sort of guy. she probably WANTS the total doormat that says anything you want hunny. but i have to wonder, who does she want For SECS, at this moment? she’s always gonna want the masculine guy for secs. so why not have secs with her masculine husbando derek?

unless she’s such a sleazebag that she needs TWO or more men. alpha fooks, beta bucks, and never the twain shall meet. i guess she’s never experienced a best of both worlds alpha who is masculine AND makes a ton of money. but  she’s hawt enough to pull such a man (albeit not necessary without sharing him), and doesnt she meet plenty of powerful men as a Stewardess? like the powerful alpha men in First Class and such?

so yeah i am most fascinated in this couple. then sonia and nick a distant second, and i dont really care about the third couple hahahaha.

basically a 33 year old woman with no children is guaranteed to be SUPER CRAZY. her body is telling her to have a baby RIGHT NOW BEFORE ITS TOO LATE and you have to keep that in mind. i guess its ok if you want to have a baby right now too. but its gonna be real hard to have MULTIPLE babies with this woman. she shoulda started having babies AT LEAST TEN YEARS AGO.

fulton sheen on difference between BAD, and EVIL.


hilarious first hour with moishe, not sure if florian mentions the sheen story in this one though

start at 1:47:00. this is exactly where florian makes the point about fulton sheen. this is probably the single best episode of nationalist review EVAR: a full hour of moishe being absolutely ridiculous, natt being natt, a bit by “degenerate dan”, a full discussion and reading of that horrendous nymag cuckold article, AND florian uses that to introduced sheen’s point:

that a bad man simply does bad things, sins, like lie, cheat, steal, hurt, kill.

but a truly EVIL man actively and intentionally works to undermine truth, beauty, and goodness ITSELF. true evil seeks to portray vice as virtue. like the cuckold husband who does disgusting mental gymnastics to portray his cuckoldry as True Luv for his wife. true evil just makes a disgusting mockery of truth, beauty, and goodness.

i didn’t actually hear sheen’s actual story, just florian describing it. but i’ve seen plenty of sheen, and he is pretty badass, and the more i hear of florian, the more i like/luv him. he is possibly the new fulton sheen for 2016 alt right. and he is a very young man, like 23 years old. AND he is in seminary to become a catholic priest. AND he is alt right and joo wise and insanely, autistically smart. AND he has created a better joo character than morrakiu, with moishe the mossad handler.

ok florian is definitely in contention to be man of the year 2016 hahahahaha. i sort of wish he wasn’t becoming a priest so he could have white children. but I like the idea of a 1488 catholic priest too.

shit i would say become a priest and have children ANYWAY. let them kick you out.

actually i think you can become a priest AFTER you have children.

florian should def have children. but I very much appreciate him being a MAN OF GOD.

his regular voice is a little autistic, but he is SUCH a great awesome guy it doesnt even matter. this guy is SO good.


so yeah. listen to that whole episode. if its not SHUT DOWN by the time this post posts. im downloading that shit again.

the best thing ive heard lately that isnt the fatherland hahahaha. well it does have ryan from the fatherland and i luv him too. great, great men. I would LUV to go to a trs convention and meet these guys.


millennial woes on the new daily shoah!!! (100th episode!) NOICE!! I hope he uses some N words and K words and F words and such and isnt such a nice guy hahaha. i dont think hes even been on the shoah before. ITS ABOUT TIME.

sept 1

had weird dream that i was a Rookie Police Officer just starting out, getting On The Job Training from the guys, and I was very quickly On The Verge Of A Nervous Breakdown, and was very anxious like, whoa guys, i think i’m in over my head, i don’t think im TOUGH ENOUGH to handle this, maybe i’m not cut out for this job, maybe I should quit, I mean really, I dont have it in me! you need a tougher guy!

and the guys were all tough but also generally in favor of me not quitting I think, or they would disrespect me as an inferior pvssy if i quit, and were like, yeah its tough at first, but you just gotta TOUGHEN UP, gotta TUFF GET GOING, gotta not let it bother you, power through it, etc and other platitudes.

i think for most Cops though there is better training than what i experienced in the dream. like when you pay 20 grand to go to Police Academy, that’s where they train you for like 12 weeks hehehehe on all the aspects of being a Cop.

also cops get ongoing paid training because of like lawsuits and shit. peoples lives are at stake, its one of those jobs, like doctors and nurses and shit. lives are in your hands. people could die, and that means million dollar lawsuits, thus you implement official training pogams to Cover Your Ass.

unlike some companies where you dont need to cover your ass so much, and you can Screw and Joo customers with impunity, so it DOESNT MATTER if your people are trained. and the advice from management is, do what you need to do to get them on their way and make/save time and money.

thankfully i never had to Upsell Add On Products and shit. but the employees I was Supporting sure did. and they were generally as poorly trained as we were, and there they were talking to the ACTUAL customers. pressured by THEIR managers to try to sell the customers shit they REALLY didnt need, and also not understanding the products. yet trying to sell them. to people who didnt need them. when the products themselves were overpriced shady bullshit that were thoroughly jooish to the core. buy this extra advanced warranty goy. just in case. only 50 dollars more. just in case of a worst case scenario.

also the company was in general, dying. there is talk the company will be sold. but its a publicly traded company with shareholders. can you have a reverse IPO where a once public company becomes privately held again? i guess you can do esoteric shit with stock buybacks or stock splitting or something.

i guess theoretically the stock price could go SO low, and then there are Equity Firms who might gobble up a Majority Ownership of the company.

i dont know, I don’t have an MBA, I only have like 25 credits of Business Classes, hahahahaha.

which is more than Average, 13 dollar an hour normies have!

but you can also get an ok business sense from working at a company for a few years and just talking to people.

at my company, there was tons of rumors and speculation, among the more savvy people like me, that were even interested in speculation about why was the company doing this, rather than being like idk ikr lol weed lmao.

people like me who were frustrated and wanted to understand why the company and our department was such an egregious, backwards, shameful, disorganized, mismanaged clusterfook, and how it could be improved. well, more training, more actual legit experts who knew what they were doing, more time and money, more quality people actually improving actual quality, more testing, more actual listening to customers, much better executive management who understood the importance of IT as being more than just a Cost Center, etc.


but yeah its just horribly frustrating to have an angry, stressed person pushing you to fix their problem, because youre supposed to be the expert, fixing problems is your job, and you have no idea what you’re doing, and you look like you don’t know what you’re doing, becuase you really don’t, and you can’t appeal to a Subject Matter Expert in a way that is actually useful for either you or the customer. Most customers would be jsut fine if you said, wow, this is a pretty complex problem, here’s Joe Flabeetz, he’s been here for 2 years and really knows what he’s doing, Joe is great. its much worse when you say, i dont know what to do, let me talk to Joe, and then you “talk” to Joe in a shitty chat room where he is helping 20 other lost souls like you, telling you stuff that doesnt make sense. then you go back to the customer and try to do that thing, and explain it.  NATURALLY, UNDERSTANDABLY, they wonder, can’t you just get Joe over here? he clearly knows what he’s doing, you clearly don’t, so just get him on the case.

but one does not simply just get a SME on the case. because they are just as busy as we are and are not gonna escalate a case without a fight.

you could probably turn newbies into SME’s quicker with REGULAR TRAINING. but again, thats millions of dollars for people who want to get out of here ASAP anyway. or they can just go mad and snapquit like me hahahaha.


the company can afford to not support their employees, shit they can afford to some extent to provide shitty, overpriced, screwjob jooish service to their customers. anything you can get away with. no exchanges, no refunds. all sales final. don’t like it, complain to the better business bureau bitches. don’t like it, do this shit yourself or go to our competitors.

see thats going too far though! why would you knowingly push your customers towards your competitors?

AND THATS WHY THE COMPANY IS FAILING. it used to be a successful, reputable company. now it is a sinking ship and more people can’t ignore that.

so yeah, i think a large part of why my experience was SO NEGATIVE was the culture of the company, being a large “big dog” old school company that was starting to fail on a massive scale. i mean they will implement retarded changes on a daily basis, yet be so Entrenched that they wont implement the actual Radical change needed. just do stupid spazzout bandaid fire putout bullshit. nothing meaningful, nothing that is good for the long term. short term only.

heh. that woman didnt care. she was just like go with the flow, dont let it bother you, dont bother me about it, i dont care, idk lol, dude weed lmao.

i mean women are not well equipped to have logical, sensible, reasonable, insightful thoughts about Business anyway……… but with all these educated women in careers, i think they can at least go through the motions of talking about business.

well, we did not have alot of those type of women in our department hahaha.

so i’m saying i prefer a more business savvy woman?

NO….i don’t even prefer a more intelligent woman. shit she was intelligent ENOUGH. i think she COULD have been taught to be more business savvy, not that she needed be…..

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit, really I just wanted her to talk to me more, be nicer to me, and just have a HALFWAY decent conversation about Our Jobs and Our Company!!!!!!! don’t you have an OPINION on this retardation! it affects you as much as it affects me! and she probably DID have an opinion! she just didnt want to talk to me any more. and i was very upset about that. her withdrawing from me and building a huge wall.

so yeah that was deffo the root issue hahahaha.

and I was very frustrated because I was aware of that root issue, and trying to resolve it, and getting NOWHERE, because I needed cooperation and willingness from her, and she refused to get it.

lets meet, lets sit at the table together, talk, and try to MAKE A DEAL. lets negotiate and compromise and both leave unhappy hahahahahahahahaha. and i was sitting at the table all day waiting for her to show up, and she just no called no showed the whole time.

so yeah that why i was very upset hahahaha.

dont just say dont let it bother you. get a thicker skin. believe me I would love to.

now, I had great conversations with a couple of my male friends at the job, and we all should have been promoted to level 3 and never have to take a call ever again hahahaha. make 18 bucks an hour hahaha.

i wasnt asking her to be as insightful as us, i just wanted her to give SOME effort into thinking about this. i mean it was stupid NOT to have righteous indignation over it, and to just say dont let it bother you, and smoke MJ. you can smoke MJ and still have opinions about this ridiculousness! and partially i was JEALOUS of her ability to DISCONNECT from the job like that, do it so Coolly, yet still miraculously do a “good” job and be liked by everyone. well yeah she was a likeable person hahahaha.

ishould probably give agalloch a second try. should i listen to the above album or “the mantle.” i was torn. i went to youtube and tried to compare the Productions, which one sounded better. they both sounded pretty close but maybe this one has a 5% stronger guitar sound. also, i technically tried listening to “the mantle” like 4 years ago and i was like, yeah this is ok, but i guess im not in the mood for something like this.

i guess now at least i am in the mood to give them a try again. i guess i want something thats like beautiful atmospheric black metal, but very melodic and very easy to listen to, with immediately catchy riffs and melodies and songs. but without being so NEW that it gets TOO much into “post rock” or “blackgaze”. something old enough that it was around when I was young and actually interested in music. the mantle came out in 2002, which is right in my wheelhouse yearwise, this one came out in 2006, when i had stopped caring about music, well, thats not true. i recall i was keeping up on the current work of katatonia and goatwh0re. but not being super duper into it, or into anything. lots of drinking. damn. increasing amounts of drinking. stupid. i stopped caring about new music, or music in general, some dark days.

so 2002 was really a much better year for me music wise than 2006…..but ive already heard a bit of the mantle, and if i like ashes against the grain, i’ll try the mantle. also the mantle is like 68 minutes long, which is way too long for an album. ashes is 59 minutes. still way too long, but better than 68.

and of course in 2014 and much of 2015 i was not interested in music so much either, because worrying about the job, or i was devastated by my loss and failure hehehehe. so i guess ive rebounded to a kind of peak right now of interest in music, as in trying to find NEW music, which is remarkable, cuz much of the time i like to Build A Wall and say yep ive got more than enough music thank you, dont need any new stuff. there’s nothing good left out there. its all hipster phaggot degenerate bullshit. theres plenty of stuff  from before 2000 i havent listened to yet.

and its FINE to close the ranks and circle the wagons….but i dont want to do that more than half of the time. i would always like to be SOMEWHAT open to new music.

and agalloch i think is right in line with stuff that i have enjoyed. like when i was young i enjoyed opeth a lot, i still enjoy their older stuff, and i have always enjoyed “in the woods….” a norwegian sorta black metal group from the 90s that was atmospheric and progressive and avant garde when those things werent NEARLY as cool as they are now.

heh like the other day i wanted to listen to hammerfall and i only ended up listening to the first two songs on the album. and that album was only like 40 minutes. perfect length.

went to jcpenneys. it was a mixed bag. i had high hopes.  saw some beautiful high school girls in there with their Moms for Back 2 Skool shopping. nothing wrong with a 35 year old man ogling 16 year old gurls hahahahahaha.  at that age you really want to Protect and Provide for them, and you would Happily swear an oath to their Faithful Fathers that you would not bang them until they are 18, or if the father really wanted grandchildren, then you could have him sign off for age 17, and you would promise to not frivolously divorce her hahahahahaha. and she would promise to not frivorce YOU really.

so yeah you dont look at the beautiful 16 year old gurl and say “yeah id like to pump and dump that trashwh0re, ride hard and hang them up wet” the way you would say about a 30 year old skank. you say “damn i wouldnt mind MARRYING that gurl and having her be the mother of my children. Assuming she’s not ALREADY a huge slut. Let’s have a talk with her father.”

90s and 00s metal. that was my thing. i’m not sure i even lasted 10 good years. but 1996 to 2003 for sure might have been my best years.

in terms of The West, those were not great years. especially 96 to 2001 hahahaha. the late 90s was the high of nihilism and decadence and degeneracy where shit was probably just as bad as it is NOW, except people were more despairing. shit was BAD, although things werent AS Sexualized, and attitudes about Gays were definitely a bit better. but there was nothing to hold onto. there was no alt right. there was no hope for the youth, which i was one. the music was especially shitty. it reflected the nihilism and lack of general quality perfectly. stuff like groove metal and nu metal and korn. well at least there was a ton of catchy alternative pop type stuff. i shoulda got into that more at the time.

there seemed to be much less red pilled young people then. people were not waking up fast enough.

and i do think 911 in 2001 was a bigass paradigm shift, the beginning of a new era, a time of awakening. the sleeping nihilist giant awakens and then stumbles around in confusion for about 10 more years hahahaha. trying to shake off that nihilism and sense of no purpose. trying to figure out what was going on and what to do about it.

for me at least, the internet did not become a HUGE thing until after 2000. from like 98 to 00 we used slow dialup shit and i was already a degenerate, looking at jooish filth and actually reading Erotic Stories. which I guess is slightly less jooish. playing doom and quake. writing ridic stories of me finding a Nice GF and having a traditional monog longterm rel at age 15 hahahaha. see, my main goal was not degenerate.


hahahaha i have been looking at these goddamn RYM lists for like a month straight trying to find the perfect album to listen to

like here is the best metal (incl all subgenres) for the 90s.


you can also put in an exact year like 1996 hahahahahaha

also i wanted to say that listening to the daily shoah for the first time in a while (well i did listen when fatherland jim guest hosted a few weeks ago), is that i must remind myself not to forget how powerful mike enoch is. i mean he is really smart and just says the most interesting, smartest, most awesome things. i guess its easy to forget because his voice is ridiculous and he sounds like seth roganblatt. but the things he says are just amazing. here he is doing a 80 hour work week, hasn’t had time to read the news or do anything but work his tech job, and he comes onto TDS and is pretty high energy and very very solid and convincing in the things he was saying, just having very very good conversations where he is contributing most of the quality.

not to crap on seventh son or special guest millennial woes, but yeah this is enoch’s show and he is very very good at what he does. needs to trim down the number of people so he can dominate the conversation any more. him, SS, and MW would have been ideal.

heh i saw my confirmation email for applying to a part time job, and thought OH NO THATS THE FASTEST REJECTION EMAIL EVER!! and then laughed when i realized it was just the CONFIRMATION email that they had received my application. awesome job though hahahahaha. 30 hours a week, 15 dollars an hour, right when i have officially announced that 13 dollars is my new goal, that 15 is out of my league hehehehe.

ITS OFFICIAL. MY PRICE HAS OFFICIALLY GONE DOWN TO 13 DOLLARS AN HOUR. THAT IS MY WORTH AS A HUMAN BEING. hahahaha. no silly, that’s just my worth to the MARKET of human beings!!!!!

at the gas station today I saw a white man arguing pretty rudely with the poor clerk making 9 hourly. i couldnt see the clerk because they were in this little glass booth. it was one of those gas stations that doesnt even have an inside, and the cashier is in a tiny booth/shack. there was a huge line behind this white guy who….i couldnt tell what was going on. it sounded like he was getting charged 36 dollars when he disputed it and thought he should be charged 26, and he wasn’t gonna pay a penny more. he was maybe early 30s and had a stupid mohawk like haircut and tattoos all over his arms. good job. i really hope the clerk was not white, but even if they WERE nonwhite, they didn’t deserve this kinda treatment, and I was a bit ashamed that a fellow white man could be such a dickhead to a poor miserable gas station clerk. Whites are supposed to be Polite Customers. its blacks and arabs who are Asshole Customers.

I thought about going up to the clerk and apologizing hahahahaha. well, not apologizing, but sorry you had to go through that. I know you weren’t trying to do anything wrong. he was way out of line. he’s an asshole.

go get your manager. uhhhh the managers not here today. i’m not sure when he will be back. i can’t do anything for you. well then call the manager right now. i want to talk to him right now. uhhhh he doesnt give employees his phone number. well who do you call if its an emergency? meanwhile there is a huge line of people who just want to prepay for their gas. i avoided all this because i paid at the pump with a card hahahahaha.

mike enoch does not get all super intellectual either. he just gives real talk, absolutely no bullshit, no jerking off. he says like and dude a lot but unlike with most people who say these words a lot, it does not make him sound unintelligent. he is real good at talking to people and just great verbal intelligence on this goy hahahaha. this is the guy you want talking for you. real convincing salesman. but not in a bullshit dishonest way. he needs to quit his job and spend all his time talking and networking and meeting with people. he is a real good people person and communicator.

i wonder what the hell he did before TRS. I guess he had a big libertarian phase and did a lot of 4chan. dont quote me.

listened to the first 2 songs of the agalloch album, they were pretty good. decent production. a blast beat would be nice. also the black metal vocals are pretty unimpressive and really dont seem to fit. something a bit deeper, or alternately, a DSBM or old burzumy scream would be better. the corny clean vocals are better.

uhhh seems to be plenty of “melodic doom” in the vein of old katatonia going on, that i wasnt really expecting, but i guess i’m not surprised, and i am not disappointed either.

overall, very melodic, very very, not super opethy unless you think of an alternate opeth where they continued in the vein of their first two albums…….which is not a problem for me!

but now i have a damn melodic doom katatoniaish song stuck in my head and I don’t know what it is!!!!!!!!!

it has a catchy mournful weeping guitar melody.

it is pretty brave murder day ish, but i dont think its from that album.

it could be from the first october tide album, but i dont think so.

and i’m not sure what else it could be.

sept 2

you know i think it might be beneath the rain or whatever that doom band from portugal with the guy from morgion singing.  on their second main album.

before the rain?

YASSSS there is is, aroun 20:23, actually that motif is all throughout this song “shards” and it repeats a lot, but i was particularly thinking of the higher octave guitar going into the “weeping” range hahahaha.


yeah the album is a little long but it has a great production and great style and is pretty underrated and i only found it because i am a big morgion fan.

fooking rate your music lists really interferon with muh job search hahahaha.

fook working for a living like an honorable white man. i am just gonna become a black ingra hahahaha.

yeah i dont want to pedestalize That Woman too much. it’s VERY GOOD to remember I have been Decent Friends with, I have been CLOSE TO OTHER WOMEN before. she doesnt STAND ALONE. I had at least two pretty good female friends where we were decent friends for like approx 2 years. talking freely, being comfortable with each other.

yeah i never fell in LUV with them but thats NOT THE POINT. well, yes and no. yeah that was the one thing that differentiated that woman.

but i never want to lose sight of the fact that i have gotten close and friendly with OTHER women. NOT JUST HER.

rejection email THREE MONTHS after applying for job. the spreadsheet did not even exist until 2 months ago.

entry level position at big well known company, great job, but 95% of its postings are for Senior Level Engineers.

ANYWAY. when you fall in LUV with a woman you FEEL closer to them. it’s a fantasy, its all in your head, but i don’t like describing it like that, thats misleading. because it’s VERY real for YOU. YOU ACTUALLY ARE very close to THEM……………………………but THEY are not nearly as close to YOU. by saying its all in your head, it mocks the realness, truth and beauty of your Luv. so, I wont do that.

like when i fell in luv with women i didnt even KNOW. OF COURSHE i FELT close to them, even though I didn’t even KNOW them!

the DIFFERENCE this time, was I fell in luv with someone I ACTUALLY KNEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and still, apparently, I didn’t know them well enough!

but yeah i MUST NOT think of myself as some WEIRDO CREEPER ALIEN who CANT get along with women, because I have become close friends with OTHER WOMEN THAN JUST HER.

I just never fell in LUV with any of them, so thats why That Woman was such a big deal.

went to jcpenney and found some great nike revolution 3 running shoes. but they did not have the size in the color i wanted.

so then i went to zappos and ordered the size for about the same price. i hate the idea of ordering SHOES online, but technically i HAD already tried on a pair of the same style of shoe, just a diff COLOR. and i wasnt gonna back down here.

interestingly enough, i was aiming to replace a pair of Revolution 2 which i had bought 2 years ago and are now falling apart and completely worn out. i guess i am a Nike Revolution man. so I should look for the Revolution 4 in 2 more years.

man those one year at a time charts on rym are great. i can see all the albums I was enjoying at the time, ANDDDDDDD see all the ones from that time period that I missed. there was a ton of good stuff in those years that i missed because i was a teen listening to groove metal hahahaha. no i liked half good stuff too, some black metal. i have been a black metal fan for TWENTY YEARS hahahahahahahahahaha. well, maybe 19.

just tell these antiwhite k1kes in interviews that ive been spending the last 14 months looking at black metal charts on RYM hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha but i havent been smokin any MJ ya k1kes!

not that you should be PROUD about smokin MJ. its for degenerates. its INHERENTLY DEGENERATE.

its TERRIBLE that I still want to do it. that I still want to do it WITH HER. goddam degenerate DEVILS CABBAGE.

if anyone speaks glowing of MJ, publicly humiliate them! and then go smoke it privately hahahhaha.

i really hate successful people who make like 30k a year who say i can smoke MJ and I’m a successful productive member of society! I’m happy with my life and my job and I am a successful family man! and I make 30k a year!

comment sections of news articles on legalizing mj and all these pro-legalization types saying shit like that.

well i am pro legalization too, but more of the “conservative libertarian” way, rather than Have Big Govt Regulate and Tax Tax Tax it! but let each city decriminalize it.

i mean I just imagine all the tax money being wasted anyway, like the 200 million in tax revenue colorado got from MJ. it will just be wasted on public skools in black ghettos hahahaha where the money wont do any good. or paying teacher administrator pensions hahahahahaha.

it wont go to fix shitty roads, it wont go to more police and ems in black crime ghettos, or blight cleanup, or anything useful like that. thats where your MJ tax money will go. just like alcohol and tobacco tax money.

so yeah dont tax it. save the money to build up MJ production companies hahahaha. or even small time MJ producers in the cities where it is legal.

well companies are STILL gonna drug test for jobs anyway, that practice has not changed even in colorado, in fact its probably gotten even more prevalent! cuz now theres more lazy ingrish potheads out there who would make terrible workers hahahaha.

i am being partially facetious since i always try to work my hardest even if i am using MJ afterwards.

but maybe i am just a shitty worker but i think i am a good worker.

i mean shit, i can’t handle the bare minimum at muh old job! my best was worse than their worst! hahahahaha.

NO, that’s not entirely true. for a good long while I was good and getting better. establishing a reputation for excellence. might have even been promoted in 2 more years, hahahahaha, for a company that never promotes from within!

(i of course dont want to work for a company that doesnt promote from within hahahaha)

because hiring outsiders for upper level jobs is a YUGGGGEEEEE red flag of a shitty horrible company. run dont walk.

applied for great job at Dream Employer University, but its 36k. when my skills are only worth 26k hahahaha. isnt it a waste of 25 minutes to apply for this?

i found another one that pays 15 an hour. much better. but still out of my league hahaha.

in fact the jobs that pay 13 an hour, aka 26k a year…..dont usually even list their pay. they just say nothing.

so i guess the lesson is, always apply for the jobs that dont list a number, because that number is probably low enough to be closer to your actual worth.

but still. why not just list the god damn pay for ALL jobs, from 10 dollar an hour to 40 dollars an hour jobs, so people that think the pay is too low, wont even apply.

unless they are trying to overreach and get people who would normally be “too good” to apply????

well that’s not what I do, i apply for 12 and 11 dollar an hour jobs if they seem chill/easy or I like the company.

anyway the 15 an hour job would be GREAT. like 5 miles away, full time office job, for satellite campus of bigass university that probably takes average care of its employees with 401k, health care, and at least 13 an hour wage hahahaha. 9 to 5 hours, weekends off, the works. real solid family man stuff. no joke.



aug 27


i mean i study the companies before doing the interviews. i write thank you emails. i dress nice. i shave my face. i act very interested in the job. i ask questions at the end. what the hell am i doing wrong hahahaha. my fatal flaw is that i get a little nervous. and that i have such a long GAP. something must be DEEPLY WRONG with me. he needs SERIOUS HELP. he SHOULDNT BE working. or, he thinks hes gonna work HERE? HA! he needs to PAY HIS DUES first! get a job at walmart or mcdonalds or a shitty restaurant or call center, show that youre WILLING TO WORK first, before you can get an AWESOME job like this!

this is for that phone interview on monday. looks like the company is more reputable than i thought. winning all these best places to work awards, having many skilled and respected engineers, a destination kind of employer, that only wants the best of the best. which i am not. but i was when i was 17-18!

also my problem is that i cant just suck it up and live through a shitty job. it breaks me down into a Dumpster Fire and then I end up Committing Career Suicide and moving DOWN the career ladder ultimately. i dont really pay dues but get actively punished.

then i see all the people with engin degrees working for this palce, making 60k, thinking DAMN, I went to a TOP SKOOL, I went to a better skool than THEY did, why didnt I just get a damn ENGIN degree, then I could be making 60k too, I could have a wife and a FAMILY, and a good job, instead of being a huge neet loser who cant deal with LIFE.

and get angry and discouraged and slow down on muh job search hahaha.

yeah well today i am studying the company so i sound informed on muh 15 minute phone interview monday. see if its enough to overcompensate and get me a physical interview. prob not hahahaha.

then tomorrow i will study the company for tuesday int. much more of a blue collar place. but they are big and they have been around a while. not some fly by night arab company hahahaha. or shitty crab people asian company.

shit i had way more confidence in 2013 when i was working my mickey mouse job and was becoming close friends with That Woman.

see im desperate but i also cant take just any job because if i take a super shitty call center or customer service job, i am very worried about muh emotional health, and would i snap and quit. i dont want to put myself into a position like that so i avoid applying for those kinda jobs. high stress jobs hahahaha.

thinking about partying tonight with a valium nyquil combo. it is saturday nigth after all.

so, have a better feeling about the tuesday interview than the monday interview as a job i could actually GET. but i feel the monday place would be more fun and chill and better workplace than the tuesday place. well of COURSE its HARD to get into a GOOD workplace! the easier the job is to get, the WORSE the job is gonna be, the more it is gonna push you to your Limit.  and not in the good way hahahaha.

aug 28

took the valium nyquil combo around 645 pm, did 4.2 mile powerwalk, went to bed, slept pretty good. the combo i guess chilled me out a little bit and made me sleep good. would still prefer partaking MJ hahahaha.

it shuts your mind down, you cant think negative thoughts because it takes too much effort to think at all hahahaha. in other words it might be difficult to WORK, where you are trying to solve problems and bullshit on your feet all day. explaining and bullshitting and coming up with plans and reasons and explanations and answers and solutions.

sheeeeeeeit. it might be That Womans birthday very very soon. thankfully it doesnt bother me as much as youd think it would. one of my goals was to spend a womans birthday with her and have birthday cuddling with them, or having them spend my birthday with me and have birthday cuddling. or secs. or handholding. or making out. or hanging out.

never happened though hahahahahahaha. 2 years ago i went to dinner with my female friend and it was near her birthday and i was right on the CUSP of starting to feel differently about her. but not quite sure i was there yet. but i was getting very close.

in fact i wasnt even sure what her exact birthday was. it takes a while before someones birthday is a big deal for you.  you gotta know them at least a year.

and the next year of course i would ahve really liked to spend her bday with her but by that time we were DONE.

and now we’ve been DONE for a full YEAR after that.

i heard this song when this album came out in 1998, 18 years ago hahahaha and i was a stupid angsty high schooler listening to the weekly radio metal show. i thought the song was very catchy and epic and it was the first time i enjoyed anything like power metal.

i never listened to the whole album. i will now give it a chance hehehehe.

hmm very sleepy and tired today, the day after the nyquil. i guess thats not suprising.

cheap “skullcandy” earbuds lasted only 2 weeks. what cheap chinese crap. one ear went out then the other ear went out very quickly. one ear is bad enough and time to buy a new pair of cheap chinese throwaway garbage.

537 that is my new goal hahahaha. 537 job applications hahahaha. i get 1 interview for roughly every 21.4 applications hehehehe. and so if i want 25 interviews, then 537.

i am “only” at 386 so far.

i have been slowing down lately, getting a bit discouraged.

maybe i should contact her on her birthday hahahahahahaha. no i am just joking.


did SHE ever contact ME on MY birthday? HELL NO! she didnt even KNOW when my birthday was! although i kinda make it hard. you have to ask me and then mark it down on your calendar. which nobody does because they just use facebook to remember birthdays hahahaha.

but yeah at one time she was a real friend and i havent found any new friends to fill that friend gap. and i liked having that kind of person playing that kind of role in my life. i mean shit it was a two way street too, i was playing the same role in her life too.

ok  went to shitstore and bought some shitty 10 dollar sony earbuds that i HOPE will last 1 month.

listen to some of the hammerfall album, see if its any good. need more positive shit hahahaha.

was listening to george feels and he had a very sad pathetic feelsy video and i was like yep i shouldnt listen to this, this is not gonna help me. something basically how he had done nothing with the past 3 years of his life, his biggest accomplishment was not jerking off for 100 days hahahaha. in 3 fookin years. so he felt bad about that and then i felt bad too about not accomplishing anything with my life either hahaha.

well i did accomplish a bit in the past 3 years: moved from old job to new job, became close friends with that woman, pushed myself to the limit with new job, did some super amazing shit that i lose sight of now, and cant convince employers that once i was valuable hahahaha, went on road trip with old friend, fell in luv with female friend, saw 3 classic concerts, discovered trs, and then shit started going bad, rel with woman fell apart, lost job, got dumped, was in a state of deep despair for months, started a gym membership for the first time in life, lost 30 pounds, applied to 386 jobs and went on 18 interviews, got 2 new good suits. so yeah id say i accomplished more than george hahahahaha in the past 3 years. there was some epically BAD shit, as well as some pretty good shit too, but the bad shit has been what i remembered most and what i am lingering in now.

anyway POINT IS, there was plenty of good shit or not bad shit, or at least forward moment or personal improvement.

but all the good shit happened in the first half, and all the bad shit happened in the second half, so the bad shit is all i remember.

well, losing the 30 pounds is a big deal and i am doing that right now.

so is buying the suit, and doing the interviews.

but the interviews also suck because they dont lead to anything.

inherently, the interviews are a good thing and i should view them as such, rather than DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE. and saying yeah interviews a normally all right, but THESE interviews arent so good because they dont RESULT in anything.

yes in our results oriented world its difficult saying something that doesnt have any results is a good thing.

but each abortion failure of an interview hahahaha is getting me closer to my goal of 25.

and the interviews arent really abortion failures. i look all right, i sound smart, although a little nervous, i show that ive done my homework on the company, i write thank you notes, i am one of 4 finalists for a 45k job, i mean come on these are all good things.

but the overall general shame of being an unemployable neet bum is SUCH MAGNITUDE hehehehe that it casts a shadow on all the other shit.

anyway, point is, there is a DECENT AMOUNT of good stuff ive done the past 3 years…..its just overshadowed by the bad shit because the bad shit was more recent, and honestly it was ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATING. it was probably greater magnitude than the positive stuff was positive. but there WAS still somewhat DECENT magnitude of positiveness on the positive stuff.

PLUS, we always interpret bad things worse than we interpret good things as good. in other words, really good shit WEARS OFF QUICKLY, while bad shit lingers. so we need like 5 good things to lift us up for every 1 bad thing. defeat feels much worse than victory feels good. FACT.

anyway point is george has his more positive videos and his more negative videos, and i should stay away from the neg ones. and so should he. being that we are very much alike and struggle with the same problems.

and just like him i need to focus on the positive and essentially IGNORE the negative. because its focusing on the negative and IGNORING THE POSITIVE that has gotten us in this horrible mindset. low energy, very low confidence, lazy, neet, in a rut, spinning the wheels, not trying, giving up easily, defeatist, etc.

i listened to a bit of the hammerfall and it made me want to listen to judas priest “painkiller” so i did. i guess they have similar sounding productions and the drum bit at the beginning of the album is a direct tribute to painkiller possibly. but the hammerfall is definitely a bit more “power metal” and the singer doesnt really sound like halford. which is FINE. halford is awesome, but i wanted something a bit more power metally anyway. like ridiculous, somewhat epic songs and songs about warriors and courage and all that. whereas judas priest is arguably not very power metally while at the same time influencing every power metal band….they never fully went that way themselves, because they were sorta reinventing themselves on every album.

probably iron maiden is the more power metally band.



aug 25

ok when i get muh 15 emails every morning with job stuff, i should SET THE TIMER and go through those in 30 minute chunks and then basically log and keep track of that time. because it does take valuable time is money. and i should measure that timemoney for muh job search metrics hahahaha. spreadsheetz.

so, start the timer, go in 30 maybe 40 minute increments, and keep track of that time! dont just look at the list of emails and groan and go through them without keeping track of your VALUABLE 14 DOLLAR AN HOUR TIME! USE THE CASH CLOCK!!!!!




heh. note to self and others: if you think you can make “bulletproof coffee” with cold or cool coffee, think again hahahaha. i thought i could somehow “whip” muh spreadable butter into the coffee if i stirred it vigorously enough. now there are just many disgusting little blobs of butter in the coffee hahahaha.

maybe a blender would work better?

dsw shoe place sucked, my next place is jcpenney. jcp does not have Crocs tho hahahaha. they do have nike and adidas and new balance running shoes tho.

ok the cool coffee with blobs of butter was so gross that i had to microwave it hehehehe.

i used to go to kohls as muh main one stop department store but i might become a jcpenneys man hahahaha. i have been dissatisfied with kohls for a few years. plus mr kohl himself is a LITERAL JOO. plus their sonoma store brand, the pants never fit well, even though just looking at them they look good.

what about MACYS. what about BURLINGTON hahahaha. i dont really luv shopping but i dont really luv looking like a neet virgin either!

but since i am always losing or gaining weight, all my clothes are either too big or too small.

yeah that gris 2007 album IEUF is more up my alley than their 2013 album. production wise at least. it is more black metal. im not crapping on the 2012 album, i just want soething more black metally right now.

singer sounds really good still, guitars are more black metally, drums sound good. 2013 album, no real problem with, but I am SUCH an AUTISTE about production that if the production isnt PERFECT, I cant even listen to it. so the 2007 album is more perfect sounding to my autist ears than the 2013 album. which isnt bad and could certainly be a grower. i cant crap on gris, they have an obviously great style.

yesterday i thought that infamous blackgaze phaggot NEIGE sort of looks like That Woman. ok i just watched a video of him and….not really. he does have really nice long hair like she did though hahaha. and a big nose like she does. he sorta looks like nick cage tho. did SHE look like nick cage? that might be enough to turn me off of her hahahaha. Nick cage is weirdly handsome but i dont want a woman who looks like nick cage.  or neige.

i remember listening to “ecailles de lune” when it first came out (2010???) and i was like wow this is pretty neat, very atmospheric. back then “blackgaze” was not even a word. and i was impressed with neiges screaming voice. it was a decent straight up “depressive shrieking” which is a lot like what gris does.

now neige was never really “depressive.” at all. but its probably not a stretch to say maybe some of his stuff was more “melancholy.”

heh being with that woman brought me to that magical nostalgic peaceful fantasy world alcest is always going on about.

if im reading this correctly, its that neige never even listened to shoegaze until people kept telling him his music sounded pretty shoegazey, then he discovered slowdive and went all in with his shelter album. so, in other words, like one reviewer says, neige invented blackgaze “by accident.”

i noticed that when i heated up the disgusting butter blob coffee in the microwave, the butter melted and STAYED MELTED even as the mixture cooled off to around room temperature. i thought it might turn back to blobs. nope.

ok now what if you melted the butter in the microwave, then poured it into cool coffee? room temp coffee?  my goal is to have it NOT turn into blobs!

ok made the phone call to the auto service before the end of the day like i was wanting to. i still hate making phone calls! there is a recall due to air bags. i can get it repaired fo free but have been putting it off. normies have to take an unpaid day off work and risk getting FIRED whenever they need to get their car fixed hehehe. i can do this anytime, because i am a jobless neet, but i was afraid to make the call. well today i called them finally. it was either that or go to jcpenney.

looks like my nemesis KOHLS has crocs. why am i so fascinated by crocs. they are ridiculous. are you supposed to wear socks with them? because i would use them as sandals and NOT wear socks with them.

ok there is a crocs STORE near my house, in the newer mall that i refuse to go to because all the kewl young gurls go there. hehehe. all the more reason to go there. follow 18 year old hawtties around like a 35 year old creeper hahahahahahahahahahaha jk.

be like wanna come back to my huge molester van and smoke MJ and listen to GRIS hahhahahaha. maybe gris AND trist. is that supposed to rhyme.

no i dont have a huge molester van!

also i dont have any MJ. and i damn sure wouldnt have the balls to ask 18 year old gurls to come to muh van and smoke MJ with me hahahahahahaha.

women: dont be such disgusting, degenerate nihilists! or is it nihilistic degenerates.

like stories of the bride to be on a bachelorette party getting drunk and they run into a bachelor party and then the bride to be fooks some badboi right before she is supposed to be getting married. and the expectation is that the husband fooks skanks on his bachelor party.

YOU DONT OWN ME! i can do what i want with my body! dont be so possessive and controlling and clingy! of course i can fook other people when i am getting married the next day! marriage doesnt mean monogamy! monogamy is misogyny! monogamy is HATE!

heh whenever you meet a married couple, ask them if they have an open marriage.  the proper reaction is to react with lip curling disgust. NO, we’re not DEGENERATE. then you say, good, i was testing you to see if you are degenerate. you passed. good for you. i dont associate with open marriage degenerates. we live in such a degenerate, nihilistic era, that some people think that cheating on your husband or wife is just fine. just making sure you’re not like that.  just making sure youre not such a shitty goddamn cheater that both of you have rationalized that cheating is ok. fook that shit.

when i was out in the world working muh horrible job, i was amazed at how many normal people were DISGUSTING CHEATERS. people who seemed normal and nice were cheating on their husbands and wives. and it seemed MORE prevalent with the OLDER people, like by the time you get to 30, cheating is just a normal thing you do as your first marriage falls apart. super black pill. aso. brack pirru.

german tech company has not responded to my email saying yes you can call me to do the phone screening at these times. they contacted me first! then i responded back promptly. and now nothing.

aug 26

had semi weird dream that provided interesting food for thought. sheeeeeeeit at least 8-9 years ago my male friend had a gf and they were quite serious, have been in a traditional monogamous nondegen ltr for liek 4 years at least. i hung out with muh friend a lot, she hung out with him a lot, so i saw a lot of her, which can often be a problem in male male franships, except that i got along with her really well, and i was not really the third wheel. we would all have fun smokin MJ and watching movies and eating food and having dranks or whatever.

anyway my friend and the woman broke up. i was still very friendly with her and even hung out with her a little bit, which i was well away at the time was potentially controversial. yes it would be, i thought, if i had any designs on her! but she’s just a nice person, we get along well, and i dont have any other female friends. its not like im trying to GET with her. that would be just weird. and also potentially traitorous to my friend. i dont want to do that.

“on the job training provided for the RIGHT candidate” ???!?!?!?!?!!


not even taking into account that “on the job training” is ABSOLUTELY JOOISH BULLSHIT, but now its just being dangled as the reward for GOOD performers only. otherwise you get punished by being fired, or no OJT at all.

and of course the main reason OJT is BULLSHIT is because ITS NOT TRAINING AT ALL.

its you look like an untrained idiot in front of customers, then bother another busy person to show you how to do your job, and their customers and your customers wait impatiently and get bitchy, and you look bad, and your coworker resents you, and the company looks bad. lose lose lose lose lose situation.

anyway. re the 2008 or so woman. yeah she pretty much was a female friend. i got along with her well, she was very nice to me, and she was qt. sound familiar?

one day something Snapped, and i was like WOW she is a TOTAL qt, i would really like to bang her. but thats weird because that is one of muh best friends ex gfs. i respect him enough to never do something like that. but damn she is a real qt for sure……

and this was after she had started dating a new guy. probably a little too soon for my liking after the end of her rel with my friend.

sound familiar?

so, after they break up and are single for 2 months, thats when my feelings start to change, and then when they start dating a new guy, my feelings are unequivocally changed. like maybe hmm. so you were looking for a new man but didnt even consider me.

now, with that 2008 woman, i didnt have a deep luving infatuation or crush on her like with w2015. i just wanted to bang her. but i liked her as a friend. and the emotions were conflicting and confusing. also, we hung out much less as she dated the new guy. also the new guy seemed like a decent enough guy, i think they might have gotten married or at least stayed together for years.

so, w2015 was like the next level of that: we were even closer friends, i was more in luv with her, the whole thing went on for longer. also there was never the issue that i might be betraying a friend of mine, because she was never dating a friend of mine. i became friends with her directly.

but yeah in the dream there was that woman from 2008 and i guess i was trying to secs her up, touching her and trying to take her clothes off.

so yeah the main takeaway is that i probably had some kind of feelings for her, and was an indicator that i was capable of getting feelings for a female friend who i thought was just friends. or at the very least I could discover that there was signif Secsual Attraction there that I wasn’t initially aware of. and its weird. because you think ive known this person for months or years and its only NOW I’m “discovering” this physical attraction for them? when men including me can usually tell within seconds whether or not a gurl is attractive?

I think i always knew these women were attractive, but there were other mitigating circumstances where I knew that being actively attracted to them was morally wrong (gf of my friend, and or she has a bf) or inconvenient (shes just a friend, besides i am hung up on other women)

anyway i never had a big blowout with the 2008 woman, i was never deeply in luv with her, we just sorta drifted apart as she got more serious with her new bf. but there was no hard feelings and no hate or bitterness or coldness or butthurt whatsoever, and i remember her fondly and wish the best for her.

and my male friend found another seemingly decent woman and got married to her and they had a baby and i hope they have more. all white of coursh hahahaah. they have been together for like 7 or 8 years and she seems decent, i dont think she’ll ruin the marriage hahahaha. i dont really know her tho.

i was reading a blut aus nord review yesterday and the guy was like memoria vetusta II is a special album, i listened to it after muh GF gave birth to her child.

implying that the child was not his.

implying that this skank got knocked up by some loser who ran off immed after getting her pregnant.

implying that she started dating this black metal loving sap WHILE she was pregnant with the other guys child


then the reviewer was like, i was devastated when she left me and i couldnt listen to this album for a long time.

and i thought, WOW, this guy is super pathetic cringe.

first, falling in luv with a pregnant woman.

second, being dumped by her after she has the baby, and being so upset by it.


the woman should be glad any man can still love her after she had another man’s bastard.

yet she dumps him exactly because he is a sniveling, supplicating, weak, phaggy omega.

don’t be that guy.

i have never fallen in luv with a Single Mother or been dumped by a single mother, and I hope I NEVER do.

i guess i would bang a slutty single mother. but i still have a healthy disrespect for single mothers.

i mean theyll never tell you the truth. its always its all the guys fault. he was a total jerk and deadbeat. and acutally that may be the truth. but then…..why would you have a baby with him? because you are a white ingra who lives on instant gratification and cant think of the future. and i damn sure cant trust you.  you create life WILLY NILLY with men who would be terrible fathers! your judgment is even worse than the average womans! which is pretty goddamn bad as it is!

thats ROCK BOTTOM. when you are desperately in LUV with a single mother. I hope i NEVER get there.

especially a pregnant woman. she picks deadbeats who cant even stay around for 9 months. and why are they even putting themselves on the market when they are PREGNANT? and what kind of pathetic guy sees that and says yep thats acceptable? a rock bottom man even more desperate than I hahahahahahaha.

so he can go beat off with his own foreveralone virgin neet tears with his blut aus nord albums hahahahahaha.

no i have nothing against BaN and I would like to listen to them……if they didnt use a DAMN DRUM MACHINE.

USE REAL DAMN DRUMS. yet for 20 years and 20 albums the guy uses a blatant machine sounding drum machine. yet i can appreciate him as a good guitar player and probably good songwriter. so just play the drums YOURSELF, i will take a sloppy amateurish drum performance over a MACHINE ANY DAY. the most important thing is the drums sound good, and this guy is prob enough of a Studio Nerd to put in effort to get good sound. so just get a good sound and put in a completely amateur burzum drum performance. shit i LIKE the way varg plays drums. its NOT HARD to play in time. just fookin PRACTICE for a few hours. and the practice should be FUN, because DRUMS ARE FUN. inherently. fooking call ME up and i will do the drums even though i am the biggest amateur  and havent touched a drum set in like 8 years.

i am AUTISTIC about drums as you can see hahaha and I HATE drum machines in black metal. any kind of metal or rock. electronic drums are JUST FINE in electronic music. but elsewhere? never.

ok. had butter coffee plus a .25 scoop of protein this morning. as much as i hate to take in calories before 12 noon hahahaha.

heated up coffee in microwave so the butter actually melted hahahaha.

so now i am comparing and contrasting that woman with the woman from 2008. they were similar in that they were both very nice to me, we got along well, and they were willing to hang out with me, hahahaha.  when i first met w2015, i guess she sorta reminded me of w2008. they even looked a little alike. but as of right now, i found w2015 way qter. she had longer legs and longer hair and a bigger bottom and i liked all that very much. jeeeeeez. the less said the better. damn. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

but yeah in the dream i was very hot to bang the woman from 2008. and i think i got her pants off and got a glimpse of The Action, but then the dream faded out. of courshe.

anyway i hope she is married with children by now. she has to be about 30 years old by now. WOW.

and one day That Woman will be 30 too. about 4 years from now hahahaha.

sheeeeeit i wish i were 25 or 26 again and had a full 4 years to go before 30!

anyway. were these women REALLY all that similar? or did the fact that they were qt and nice to me and friends with me and we got along make me THINK they were similar.

well they had sort of similar faces. both had pale white skin. they both partook MJ and because of that seemed chill and Cool. the previous woman had a lame tattoo but it wasnt a dealbreaker.

but you develop a fondness and sense of closeness when you see a woman regularly for over a year and get along well.

oh yeah at the tech interview they (the actual tech supervisor) asked me if i understood the OSI model. I grimaced and said yeah I’d studied it in a networking class about 5 years ago but I honestly don’t remember a lot of specific. I know there are 6 to 8 layers, including the application layer and the network layer, but…..I’m sorry sir, I would have to refresh my memory on it, but I assure you I would do that very quickly. hahahahaha.


heh. yeah we covered it in muh networking class which kinda sucked. the teacher was a nice guy but he wasnt a great teacher. its HARD to be a great teacher with a topic like this. but you kinda need it because the shit is kinda obtuse. it does NOT come naturally.  it does NOT make much sense.

rejection email for 20 hour a week, 11 dollar an hour part time job at local college where i was kinda hoping to get the job and they seemed to like me. DAYUM. interview was 11 days ago.

it was a doable job, nothing glorious, but nothing that would make me ragequit, i could go there for 20 hours a week and at least HOLD DOWN SOME SORT OF JOB while looking for another job.

meanwhile that bitch works FT making 16 dollars an hour and doesnt ragequit and has already made 30k more than i have in the past year hahahahaha.

hehehehe i hate competing with women in career IN ADDITION TO essentially competing for their physical and emotional favor. now you have to make more money than them and have better career status than them too.

and it does make you feel like much less of a man when a woman whos much younger than you is doing a LOT better than you with career and making money. no WONDER she rejected you, ya damn neet loser! you cant work and make money like a real man!

sheeeeeeit that guy who i was playing phone tag with called me BACK! and i missed the call! i called him right back and got VM. sheeeeeit. so now i will call him back every 10 or 20 minutes until 5 pm hahahaha.

it is 325 right now.

i didnt expect him to call me back! after i called him back, left a voice mail, then called him again the next day. i just figured he’d call one of the other 500 applicants.

this fookin guy i used to work with fookin looked at my linkedin profile and stole some of my blurbs for HIS shit with the company!!!!!! white guy but fat as fook. he was obnoxious because of his fatness alone. he was REALLY fat. typical computer gamer who does nothign but sit at the gaming machine and eat fast food and drink soda. he had a GF but guess what, she was a fat pig too hahahahahahaha. she might have been cute if she lost at least 100 pounds too! she was young and didnt have a fat ugly face.

i only talked to him once and he was not as obnoxious as i thought he’d be hahahahaha. so i figure he’s just a decent white guy struggling, so i will let him copy and paste my paragraph hahahaha. not sure if he found a new job yet. he strikes me as not too much of a go getter. probably milked his unemployment as much as possible hahahaha. he went to a high school in a real white trash area of town, so its good he’s not a drug addicted, pill popping, tattooed eminem wannabe hahahahaha.

come to think of it, there were quite a few people from that white trash high school at this job. before working there, i had never really met anyone who went to that school.

my female former friend could have gone to a REALLY white trash high school but she somehow got school of choiced into a better high school? I think? I would have liked a chance to talk to her more about that. get to know her better hahahahaha. i hate fookin WOMEN hahahhhaha.

FINALLY. got ahold of the guy, got interview set up for tuesday 4 days from now. NOICE. number 18. unsuccessful interview number 18. got to get to 25 or so hahahaha.

entry level test technician for testing inspection and certification. testing parts. really hands on he says. did not ask about wage sheeeeeeeeeeeit.

hey dont get the hopes up hahahaha. this is ONLY the 18th interview. i got to get to at LEAST 25, 30, 40, or 50 remember hahahaha. im not lean and mean enough yet. havent paid muh dues yet.

but yeah i get SOME confidence boost from getting a new interview. and then can also get a conf boost if the interview goes ok. if the interview does NOT go ok, then i feel bad for a few days hahahaha.

of course, even if the interview goes ok and i feel good, i still know i wont get the job hahahaha.

also the place is really close too. and full time. probably at least 12 an hour hahaha.

its only 7 miles away. dayum. believe me that is huge.

today i kinda felt like going on okcupid and seeing what kinda bangable 25 year old sluts there are out there. i mean i dont want to go to a meth addicted hooker, so might as well go to a oxy addicted nihilistic skank who beleives their nihilism and hedonism is something like “i am a very LOVING person, i LOVE everybody.”


-t. i cant remember who, some vaguely alt right person of courshe hahaha.

ok gonna give this one a try now. i heard their first album years ago and remembered it was pretty good “atmoblack”, not all pvssy and blackgaze, yeah theyre hardcore pagans but they didnt seem like communists. also i found the fact that they were english to be interesting. maybe an anglo saxon sort of paganry hahahaha.

WOW the hr gurl who is 10 years younger than me, confirmed the phone interview finally, for monday. sheeeeit i thought she forgot about me too. well i have never had a phone interview to bomb hahahaha. i am not confident they will call me in for an in person interview.

and then i have an in person interview on tuesday.

i am not counting the phone interview as a real interview, ie, towards muh number.

so the one on tuesday (plane/car parts testing lab) is The 18th Interview. well 18 is an auspicious number in golf. maybe the 18th will be my lucky one hehehehe.

and today a guy i went to community college with 5 years ago sent me a request on linkedin. we were in an economics study group together for the one bitchy econ prof. i wonder how many econ instructors they have today. come on. like they couldnt just get some dime a dozen mba to adjunct instruct econ 101 and 102 for 15 bucks an hour hahahahaha.

oh sorry i guess they make more like 30 bucks an hour. well. hmmm. thats not bad then.

wodensthrone album was ok, good, listenable i guess hahaha. i listened to the first song, some of the second song. all long songs hahaha. and mainly listend to the fatherland.



apr 8

yeah a jooish movie but that line is one reason why it is a classic and why i think its funny so i will put it in the oven last hahahaha.


i am looking for a forum for support to the tech support hahaha. mainly its just phags complaining about how bad tech support is. but what about the poor bastards who have to WORK there? whos supporting them? I want something from people who work in the trenches. stuff to say and do to make their job easier.


i empathize with the OP hahaha


ok i am definitely not cut out for it hahaha


oh dear god: QUOTE from above link

I have worked in tech-support in some mode or another for bout 9 years. It is summed up for me with the following:

A man in a hot air balloon is lost. He sees a man on the ground and reduces height to speak to him.

“Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”
“You’re in a hot air balloon hovering thirty feet above this field,” comes the reply.

“You must work in Information Technology,” says the balloonist.
“I do,” says the man, “How did you know?”

“Well,” says the balloonist, “Everything you told me is technically correct, but it’s no use to anyone.”
“You must be in business,” says the man.

“I am,” says the balloonist, “How did you know?”
“Well,” says the man, “You don’t know where you are, you don’t know where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help.
You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”




]Mimsay 15 points 12 months ago
Yes! I worked for an extended warranty company for 6 years and just quit in October. The first few years were ok, but then they were bought by another company that cared about metrics above ANYTHING else. In 3 years, I gained almost 100 pounds, I started having panic attacks, became depressed and was drinking heavily every night just to escape. I wouldn’t quit until I found another job and had several interviews that never panned out. Towards the end, I got sick and the supervisors treated me horribly. I was having to go to the bathroom like every 30 minutes. Even though I went to the doctor and brought a note explaining what was wrong, my supervisor still insisted on following me into the bathroom to “make sure” I really did have diarrhea every single time. She would stand outside the stall door and listen to me shit. It was insane. I started having panic attacks daily, every morning before work. I just couldn’t make myself go anymore. I thought “I need to call the dr and have them up my anxiety meds!” And then I realized that job was slowly killing me. I didn’t need more meds, I needed to not work there anymore. So I called my supervisor and quit. I was unemployed for 3-4 weeks with no money and no savings, which should have been super stressful, but I just felt free. I finally found a job that I love and I’ve been doing great ever since. I’ve lost weight without trying, I’m off all my depression and anxiety meds, I haven’t had a single panic attack and I don’t abuse alcohol anymore.


bootnab 7 points 12 months ago
Worked in pharmacy benefits management. One of the big bads. We were outsource for much of the nation, a buffer for the insurance companies themselves. Dead spouses. Addiction. Mental illness. Rage. Ineptitude. Countless system and account errors. I remember once having to deny a request for an infant’s siezure meds because their insurance company hadn’t replied to the doctor’s request for an authorisation. [ufmll: i have worried about this exact situation, well, dyring relatives cancer treatments, hahaha, even though i never worked in such a place, and never want to!!!!!] All day every day constantly streaming down the phone line. 10 seconds between calls.
I wound up with serious depression. An existential crisis. Cold, ugly resentment for my fellow humans. I can safely say it contributed to the demise of my marriage. When I finally got turned loose there was a jaunty tune in my heart and a bounce in my step that hadn’t been there in over a year
Nowadays I work light induatrial in a union shop. With earplugs. All blessed day. Sometimes I’ll even leave them in during my lunch break.


[–]feor1300 4 points 12 months ago
Not me personally, but I know people who have. One guy I worked with left work one day at the end of his regular shift, went to the parking lot, took the tire iron out of his trunk, and demolished his own vehicle with it, broke all the windows on it, smashed the mirrors, huge dents everywhere. Imagine John Goodman showing what happens when you f00k a stranger in the ass, basically that. Then he went over to the bus stop, got on the bus, and went directly to the local mental hospital and checked himself in.
He was there for 3 or 4 weeks before they let him out, and when he came back to work he claims that he just completely blacked out after he punched out. Doesn’t remember anything until he work up in the hospital except for vaguely knowing that he had to go there and get help.
He was back for about 2 months before he handed in his notice. And he made no secret of the fact that he was only still there because he couldn’t afford to quit and then look for a job.
He had a pretty good sense of humor about it at least, anytime anyone called him crazy he’d answer with “No I’m not, I’ve got a piece of paper that says I’m better!”


good job guize hahaha

the type of job that you barely survive every day and want to go home and hug your waifu or husbando…..but you dont have one because you are not TOUGH ENOUGH to handle weird phone calls all day hahaha.

its worse than working in the COAL MINES!!!!

i dont mind technical support per se. i do mind the CALL CENTER. being chained to the desk all day. doing from one mind fooking problem immediately to the next. you get disoriented and discombobulated. it is completely unnatural. stories of people snapping. walking out. never coming back.  it is not for everybody.

applied for county department clerk job with animal control department, sweet 13 DAH job, i would rather put orphaned abused animals to death than deal with constant weird phone calls hahahaha. i mean i love animals, no nonpsychopath wouldnt, but……… god damn fooking call centers are such an abomination they must have been invented by a J. that is no way for white people to WORK.

and another job as record clerk at local credit union.

neither are call centers and neither focus 100% on customer service. i dont think.

its like taking a test all day every day. you cant go out after work because you have another 8 hour exam tomorrow youve got to study and rest for. you can’t relax and enjoy music. your sex drive is GONE. you dont even want to jerk off. you just want peace of mind for your job.

you dont know what youre doing, nothing makes sense, you cant explain anything, you lose ability to use normal logic, you feel like you are going crazy! you dont know what to do! you feel weak and flustered like a cornered animal.

you really need nerves of steel.

when there is SO MUCH that doesnt make sense. some Techs think all callers are idiots. i never thought that. I felt like an idiot because i didnt understand our damn companys technology because it was so complicated and confusing. yet I was the expert who was supposed to fix shit.

how does SHE do it?

because SHE doesnt care. SHE is unhelpful and wrong. also she has Thirsty Men willing to Bend Over Backwards to do her work for her. or at least HELP her. HELP is crucial. but in so many companies peopel refuse to give you HELP.


i disrespectfully disagree with this n199er bitch hahahahaha but she is a better writer and speller than You Know Who.


want coworker to take on new responsibilities, but WONT EVEN TELL THEM WHAT THE RESPONSIBILITIES ARE, let ALONE how to do them. jeeeeez.




no comments. literally. there are 0 comments from readers. but i agree, sink or swim “TRAINING” SUCKS.


USE THE TEN MINUTE RULE, if yu cant figure it out in 10 minutes, THEN ASK.

use torrent sites to download ebooks in epub or mobi format


see i wouldnt last long at a place like AMAZON. everything ive heard about their cutthroat environment sounds horrible. not that i could get into that corporate level. but even the “fulfillment team associates” job sounds terrible. probably YUUUGE turnover there.

but yeah. the unfriending, followed by the blocking, and you couldnt even have a third party deliver a message. these things made me think you were mad at me, hated me, didnt care about causing me pain!

and it hurts when you dont even care about causing me pain! just as bad as the pain itself.

how could you jsut stop caring about me? just turn that OFF?

yeah that metaness. its almost worse to realize that she COULD just stop caring about me.

which made me think, oh god, i must have done something horribly wrong to make her do this!!!!

i never unfriended someone, but i was thinking about unfriending her. i would accompany it with a message saying this doesnt mean i hate you. it means i LIKE you but i dont think you like me.

she sent me NO message with the unfriending.

id rather think she was just a scared avoiding coward, rather than she HATED me. i dont like being HATED by someone I LOVED. that makes you think you did something WRONG. i never wanted to do anything wrong to her!!!!

didnt she want to have me NOT think that i did something horribly wrong? couldnt she have her mom or this mutual friend contact me?

interesting story. a mutual friend is also someone who approved me to use them as a REFERENCE for JOBS. email, phone number, a nice letter, we had a conversation about it. now i am starting to use them in some job apps as my 3rd or 4th reference for a 12 DAH job hahahaha.

because in the back of my mind I want them to get called, get asked about me, then the mutual person could contact me, oh how you been, and then I could tell them The Story. And maybe they could tell me a story about Her too. or did That Woman get to the mutual friend already and tell them UNTRUTHS about ME? I sorta want to know!!

I buy my own office supplies for Work: pens, pencils, notepads, printing paper, post it notes, rubber bands, white boards, even my own little file cabinet and storage shelving. and a fan hahaha. and my own coffee machine. i can also chip in for printer toner cartridges. also you can garnish my pay for every mistake i make, so that i only make $1 per paycheck hahahaha. way less than minimum wage. just say i made too many mistakes so you gotta dock my pay. thats fine. thats what sink or swim is. mistakes have consequences!

waiting to pounce, sneak attack, biding his time, ulterior motives, etc. i can understand being mad about these things….but I WASNT DOING THAT!!!!!! and I wanted her to undnerstand that. but she refused to listen to me.

otherwise i would have “POUNCED” the instant she was finished with her main BF!!!!!!!!!!



that prob wont work, but my traveler iq is 122. i wish my real iq were that high! then i might be able to make $12.2 dollars an hour hahahaha

i simply cant believe the average hourly wage is 24 dollars an hour (US). there are SO MANY people making less than 15 DAH.

you are not given the tools to succeed, you have build your own tools. thrown to the wolves. become a wolf hahaha.

What do I do here?


I dont know HOW to figure it out.


I….HOW do I figure it out?


doesnt it seem like this would cost the company shitloads of money?????

How do you figure something out when you dont know HOW to figure it out?

fix this broken car. figure out how to fix it. that’s your job.

figure out how to remove this tumor from the persons brain.

if i had any inkling how to figure it out, i wouldnt be asking you!!! i dont even know where to begin!

this looks SO BAD when you are struggling in front of customers!

i like the 10 minute rule. surely your god damn manager could understand that its better for you to get help from another employee (“team member”) than to be UNPRODUCTIVE for 10 minutes!!!!

google how to figure things out on your own


come on. if people are asking you for help, its because they need help now. their caller is waiting on hold waiting for them to fix a problem they’ve never seen.

what if your brainstorming takes you down a totally wrong path because you are in a dark cave and have no idea what is right and what is wrong?

i just say do shit WRONG and then when they tell you you did it wrong, you say, ok, whats the right way to do it then? ok thank you im sorry i’ll never do it again, you can see me writing this down right now. thanks for the feedback phaggot hahahahaha

april 9

yes stuff like this causes anxiety, worry, and panic.

trying to find books by phds on anxiety and panic now.

i dont get full blown panic, i get half blown panic. just really flustered. it still makes it really hard to DO shit when you need to. or especially to sound confident and competent.

1 piece of pie from the grocery store freezer, the pies in the ice cream aisle, 1 slice has 310 calories hahaha. therefore, never eat these pies.  i would much rather blow 310 calories on pad thai than on a pie.

i tried the lastpass program.  i wanted to have different strong passwords for the most important sites, rather than reusing versions of the same password everywhere.

its a good idea but lastpass had a few big cons. namely it doesnt update chrome with any passwords you change in lastpass. and if you change all your passwords in lastpass then decide to go back to chrome, that sucks.

you can export a text file of all the passwords though. so i did that and uninstalled lastpass then manually updated chrome with the 3 passwords i had changed.

even that took like 2 hours because I had trouble getting chrome to offer to save the gosh darn GOOGLE password.

because chrome is connected to your google user account. yes not a good explanation but thats the best i got.

so you have to go into settings, disconnect google account, clear cache, sign into google, THEN it offers to save password, THEN you can sign into the BROWSER, ie connect chrome with your google user account.

it felt kind of workaroundy. kludgey. it would be nice if one of those google developers making 300 grand a year could fix this, rather than getting workaround advice from their indian level 1 tech support people hahahaha. well are they gonna FIX this? is a VERY relevant question. but I also don’t expect the indians to know that. most assholes WOULD expect them to know that though.

anything that has a workaround is not gonna be fixed soon. just use the workaround forever.

honestly. the first line of support has about as much access to higher levels of support as YOU do.

so you are basically asking YOURSELF to fix something for you. that you dont know how to fix. except the person knows even less than you because theyve never used the program! so they try to fix it by struggling with it for an hour, with you on the phone. struggling the same as you did. except you only struggled for 5 minutes then called Tech Support and got bitchy when you watched them struggle for an hour.

well can you struggle then call me back? nope our policy says we must keep you on the line. we have to be on an active call at all times hahaha. hold for 5 minutes, let me ask permission if I can go into after call mode so i can call you back. 5 mins later….no i can’t, we have too many people holding. nope we cant hire more people, that would cost money.

i would say welp let me continue to work on this and get back to you every 10 minutes. better than interrupting them every 5 minutes saying yep still struggling and getting nowhere because this whole time ive just been waiting for level 2 to respond to me with useless shitty advice.

basically the company policies were not helpful to level 1 or the people it was our job to help. our real job was to give the appearance of giving them help, while satisfying the metrics of the service level agreement. the SLA hahahaha. some items in there were relevant, others were deceptive. and you had to cut corners to make the metrics. naturally customers are not happy about this.

am i the only one who has trouble with this? absolutely not. other employees complain about not knowing how to do their job, and or being put into impossible situations.  but actual useful information on how to DEAL with this is SO difficult to find.  whether its actual job related explanations and answers you can use, or its meta type help on just how to survive in these situations written by phds who know how the mind works hahaha and know the mind hacks to train you to survive here.

all you can do is say: it is what it is, there is no explanation for that, OR give them some bullshit.  period. and its impossible to bullshit when you are new.

you CANT simply say “good question, let me find the answer for you” because that is going to take at LEAST 10 minutes.

so i guess you could say, good question, are you willing to wait 10 minutes to find out the answer? and it probably wont be a good one? like they say, if you NEED an explanation, you’re probably not gonna like it or understand it once you get it?

now these are all real skills for dealing with difficult situations. but you can’t explain them like THAT, to managers. cuz managers are the best bullshitters of all, plus they totally lose track with reality, because they dont DO the job, so they push you to unreasonable “targets.” do more. do more than can possibly be done. we are already at the breaking point. so just push us harder. becuase you have to be constantly “growing.” short term is better than long term. these are our LEADERS.

9 months since i talked to that person. 7.9 months since i contacted that person. hehehehe. i figure it makes sense that it takes at LEAST 9 months to make some real progress. that the analogy of a gestating Baby is very apt. its the amount of time it takes for a new life to be born. and you are really trying to be reborn yourself. start life alone without your Soulmate hahaha.

and that’s just bare minimum, to get to 51% or so. therefore, about 18 months before you are normal again. ready to be Emotionally Available for someone new. i guess till then just have casual sex with bitches and whores hahaha if you CAN.

sometimes the dumper contacts YOU even though they dont want to apologize OR get back together. this has not happened here hahaha.

shit when i imagine what would a person have to do to get ME to unfriend and block them. they would have to BETRAY me and do something TERRIBLE to me. which is why i was horrified to think that I BETRAYED her and wasnt even aware of it. how could I be SO HORRIBLE and not even be AWARE of it? I was just a Horrible Person without even knowing it!!!!!

that is what you are left with when someone leaves you like this!

they say a woman is never really WITH you, it’s just your TURN. someday your TURN will be over, and another guy will get HIS turn. certainly your TURN is over before you want it to be.

I just thought we were having trouble, but we could work through it. i didnt realize my TURN was OVER.

if you want my turn to be over, have the decency to tell my my turns over. cuz some people actually want ot talk about problems and fix things, not just END things.

i didnt think it was the END. I thought it was just a rough patch. COME ON. the signs are ambiguous. they can indicate both or either of those things.  naturally i hoped they just indicated a rough patch. we can work thru a rough patch, i thought! and the end is just horrifying, incomprehensible, a part of you DIES! hahahaha. well at least it couldnt get any worse. And I got a good story out of it hahahaha. i mean this is is Life Motherfooker. LIVE IT hahaha.

but yeah i cant even put myself in her position. it is too far off of anything i can even imagine. i cant imagine hating a former friend like that. and of course i dont like being HATED by former friends.

I never had a really super big falling out with a friend like this before!

i have grown apart from many friends, but no real animosity or regret there. I had a feud with a guy where I really hated him, but he was never really my FRIEND. I hated this gurl I “dated” after she dumped me, but I got over that as I got over her. I hated her for leading me on, but she was just doing what gurls do, this was not the worst leading on. It was more something I really really really WANTED. I was leading myself on!

Yeah I might have blocked HER. but I always wanted to look at her damn facebook page, so I couldnt bring myself to block her. I think I might have unfriended her like a year since I last saw her.  yeah I eventually unfriended her at least a YEAR later.  which is super different than what happened here: her unfriending and blocking ME while she still knows me! I have no frame of reference for this! its disorienting! i had honestly never had anything CLOSE to this happen to me before! so much new shit!

first time I got feelings for a female friend.

first time I was rejected LIKE THIS. totally blocked, abandoned, ignored, avoided, silent treatment, ghosted, thrown away.

first time I was ever blocked by somebody on FB.

first time I quit my job over a WOMAN.

first time I ever sent long emails telling the detailed story of how I feel, and begging PLEASE RESPOND.

first time, one day someone is a big part of your life, next day, they’re GONE. they HATE you. and wont even give you the courtesy of telling you. because maybe YOU did something horrible without even knowing it. because youre a horrible person. but you are dead to them, they want to be dead to you too.

yeah its very disorienting. how long did they feel like this? what do they really feel? ultimately I was given a lot more information by the other women when they dumped me. i knew they didnt HATE me, they didnt feel BETRAYED by me, they just didnt want to DATE me, they simply didnt feel the same way.

it was such a painful thing for me, and I couldnt believe she was capable of doing something that caused me such pain.

yeah a lot of that pain was self inflicted. because i luved her. I could have just hated her immediately and said fook her, i’ll throw HER away now. but i couldnt.

really its just a matter of she freaked out like a cornered animal. she blocked me not because she HATED me, but because she just couldnt DEAL with me. heh. I would have been more ok with that if she had just sent one final message saying im blocking you know and heres why.

well, i would probably still beg her to respond to me!

hey. when women get dumped by men they luv, they go BATSHIT crazy. they STALK the guy, they BOMBARD him with messages, they contact him CONSTANTLY.

i wonder what SHE did when that guy cheated on her hahaha. I know she was upset.

well I’m upset too when she throws away a 2.7 relationship without a word!!!!! who does that!!!!!

I was a weak thirsty beta but I dont think I deserved THAT!!!!!

but its a just an avoiding coward being a damn avoiding coward!

i never had someone who was DESPERATE to talk to me and I was REFUSING to talk to them. the few people I hated, they were never desperate to talk to me. quite the opposite! they were having a grand old time not talking to me!

and HER, its harder to hate, because we were friends for such a long time! it’s easier to hate them when you only knew them for a couple months. then you know you never really knew them. but her I did!!!!!!

2.7 years!!!!

i knew her well enough that I thought I did really know her; and it happened before my mind was CLOUDED with LUV.

sometimes callers call in and just request ridiculous things.

what do you do when you have no sense of what is actually ridiculous and what is not?

how to explain that they are being ridiculous?

33 tips for giving great technical support at a small software company without being swamped

here is an ok article, where its hard to find ok articles like this. but I would need much, much more. I would need Regular training and REgular meetings with people in my workplace, who knew my workplaces tech and procedures and policies and cases, to  give very specific advice. cant find that on the internet. couldnt even get that after working there a year hahahaha.

no there was acutally a knowledge base. my best research came from reading the knowledge base and the case notes from home. make sure you can at least do that. some of the more serious stuff you needed to log into a VPN, which i didnt have access to. but I could log onto the company intranet from home and see some stuff: knowledge base and case notes. that was yuuuuge.


i am just googling how to provide tech support. for help with people who have been thrown into the deep end of level 1 and panic that they dont know how to do their jobs…because they DONT….yet they still have to talk to people and solve their problems. there should be a BOOK. by a mentor or guru type. there was that kindle book by the steffy guy.

ok article but more helpful for level 3 and management above. not the level 1 bastards, which you and me are most likely to be. doing the HARD work. the REAL work.


kinda shitty no brainer article. how about training your tier 1 people on all the fooking issues? make them experts in issues and solving them? this would involve a bigger, better knowledge base. up to date, clear articles on every issue, that answer the question of why and how and give you an EXPLANATION, and a paragraph that can be digested by the client. we had 10000 page articles that were confusing as fook. the users couldnt understand it, and we couldnt understand it. basically we tried to fix stuff by reading a complicated manual and hope we understood it correctly, which is impossible.


a very good spirited article but again nothing meaty here jeff. he is clearly a developer who knows his product inside and out, therefore, he can confidently know when a caller is wrong and he is right. how do you train the bum off the street desperate for a job who is gonna be answering the phone, taking those crazy calls?

also what if you cant give them a discount. because you work for the same company. then its reasonable that there customer gets a discount for having to wait for tech support to fix the product. but see tech support cannot offer those discounts. the people in the field have to offer the discounts for tech support delays. so ideally the field office managers should be aware of this. maybe they are but they havent made their office staff  aware of it.

well YOU fooked up, cant YOU reduce the price? not like you dont have access to the program?

nope, only the field can change the price, and it has to come out of their discount budget.

this is EXACTLY why the field gets angry at tech support, because they dont want to go into THEIR budget for dscounts, when they dont see it as THEIR problem. this is understandable and reasonable, and I still dont know what to say to that. I would probably say yeah I agree with you. best way to change policy would be to have your Area Manager talk to one of my managers. but I cant give you their phone number. welp….our call has gone over 20 minutes here so the quality people prob wont listen to it, so I will give you their phone number and this will be our little secret ok? you didnt get this from me. please dont tell them you got this number from me. tell them you got it from your district manager. actually….tell them you got this number from the darn intranet directory. you can look it up yourself!

or does the intranet restrict people of certain Job Codes of looking up certain people?

i have no idea and I don’t think a level 2 or 3 could answer that question either!

thats an exmaple of a question that cannot be answered in 10 minutes! MAYBE 72 hours! that is like 400 times longer timeframe!

and when you are just in your first 3 months, you dont have any idea of what kind of questions take 10 minutes, vs questions that take 4320 minutes!!!!!

its FINDING the one person out of 10000 corporate employees who might know the answer that is the trick. the person who knows the answer will be able to answer the question in 1 minute.


lynda.com has good videos, but you have to pay DEARLY for them. also there is nothing here on how to handle a barrage of calls, and what to say to not sound like a total idiot. nothing on “call management.” just technical stuff.

tech stuff is very important, and you can’t have too much, but it has to be CLEAR and COMPLETE; AND you ALSO need stuff on Call Management. How To Handle Calls Like A Boss.


ehehe need a minimum of 15 days of training. not 10 hahaha.

and 6 training days throughout the day. shit. I would like to see 1 full training day a MONTH.

ok how about 1 hour a week? thats about 1 day per 2 months. 6 days per year. shit i would have loved that. 1 hour a fooking week of training.





yeah i WILL get over this which is good, but it will also naturally leave a void in muh life where she used to be, so i guess i have not felt this void since say 2012 maybe. getting over the inital shock, but now have to get used to the idea of Life Without Her. damn. not easy.

even before i got feelings for her, there was still the Benefit of Having A Friend and that meant something, that is never easy to lose. she was an Important Person to me before i got feelings!

or was she? during that time i was keep her at a distance because i was worried abotu her getting feelings for me. BUT IT WAS A FRIENDLY DISTANCE! it foreshadowed some of the communication problems because we didnt talk about those things, however i didnt avoid her either. i hung out with her, i responded to her, we had friendly talks about other things. plus i really dont think she had feelings for me, at least nowhere near as strong as the feelings i later got for her.

a FRIENDLY distance, as opposed to the completely UNFRIENDLY distance she was giving me!

great way to end things! damn!

but while we were friends she was a sweet and tender and gentle gurl, feminine in the best possible way, without being overly “girly” in the sense of stupid fashion and such. she did not dress or look like a typical MOdern girly girl but she was sweet and kind and gentle like a traditional woman was. i really appreciated that and certainly it was one of the things that eventually led me to Get Feelings.

but yeah i am not supposed to remember the Good Times too much. just shrink them down and let them disappear. remember the Bad Stuff. that is why the Rel Ended.

like her completely ignoring me and refusing to talk to me, and losing interest in me, and just Stopping Liking Me. what did i do to make you stop liking me? well i got feelings and was Annoying about wanting to hang out. the end.

but yeah i am makign some progress. but now the more long term stuff begins: getting used to life Without Her. life just seems emptier and more drab and less exciting and beautiful and fun, more gray and boring and hopeless hahaaha.

i guess she was MORE fun and exciting when i finally transitioned over and “allowed myself” to Luv her. Maybe I COULD have done that earlier if she hadnt had the long term boifran when i met her! I honestly respect the rel she had with him and wanted them to fix it. only when they ended like a year and a half later, did i start thinking in a different way: well she is now AVAILABLE, and we are good friends, get along well, and she is young, and not ugly, no kids, not a whore, low number, the idea was planted in my head.

THEN the new boifran came along very mysteriously and under the radar and THEN i thought wtf, if him, why not me? and that really sealed the deal.

see i wanted to TELL her all this stuff, kinda just tell her the STORY, but never got the chance. i told the story basically in emails 2 thru 4 but not sure if she read those. MAYBE 2, but not so likely on 3 and 4.

yeah when you have a good thing you hope for it to END in a good way, not the shittiest way ever. oh well life goes on hahahaha.

anyway if you ever have a decent female friend where you ask yourself, what the hell is wrong with me that i do not have feelings for her, then talk to her about it and give it a few months, you can probably GET feels.


no long term rel which you sincerely dont want to interfere with.

she is not fat and ugly and old and has kids and you find her blatantly unattractive. that really is important.  cuz i would look at muh female former friend and say you know its not like she is ugly, or fat, or old, or has kids, what the hell is wrong with ME that i dont find her attractive?

well, you will probably get over that sense of “weirdness” once she is out of her Serious Relationship and starting to date someone new, and then you will think “why not me” and then you will be Deep In The Feels before you know it! and then you will be in a World of Pain before you know it! and pray to GOD to take these painful feels away and put the horse back in the barn! put the genie back in the bottle!

heh now reading woman hating comments on websites like women are stupid retarded sluts who do not deserve respect, and i think, yes many times they are, but my female fren wasnt like that, but oh wait we are no longer frens and she rejected muh feelings. so i found the .0001% woman who is good looking AND nice AND young AND not slutty AND not crazy, where even the woman haters would say DAMN you better lock this one UP, well i tried to date her but she was not into it AT ALL.

it hurts moar to get rejected by a decent woman than a total pig slut wearing yoga pants to high school letting all the boys see dat 16 year old ass hole & beef curtainz.

but mah gurl would never wear yoga pants like a huge slut.

well maybe she DOES, i only ever saw her at the job because she STOPPED hanging out with me hahaha.

yeah to go from hanging out, to never hanging out, that sucks. cuz you had something and then you lost it.

now all the sluts call me a woman hater because i use words like slut, and slut shame a bit. well because i thinks its shameful to gamble on you getting preggers like that.

well at this moment i wouldnt mind a slut to s muh d and help me forget about the perfect woman who rejected me.

muh perfect angel!

i fell in luv with her because she was the best woman i knew. i cannot imagine meeting one who is as good or better. wawawawawawawawa. all the other women pale in comparison: sluttier, uglier, older, meaner. wawawawawaw.

or how about i go a few more years being hateful and lonely and then meet another woman who is nowhere near as good as her, but i think she is, just because its been so long since i had any contact with a woman.

fook yeah i still want her to take me back! i am sorry for cheating on you and beating you and ignoring you and forgetting your birthday and never showing affection and making you feel worthless and never communicating and being so distant and never hanging out with you and losing interest you and falling out of luv withyou and …… oh wait hahahahaha.

possibly my problem was i apologized TOO MUCH. i was apologizing because i was desperate to get along with her. but apologizing basically means that you acknowledge being a horrible asshole who was in the wrong; an admission of guilt!!!!!

so i was saying yes master i am just as bad as you think i am! yes i am horrible for wanting to talk about the things that will eventually kill our relship because i couldnt read the stupid signals that you wanted to be done permanently because i thought you might want to reconcile after a while, because we had a good couple of years, and i am not a fookin MIND READER.

did a 3 miler. getting fall like out there. good time of year to cuddle with a female friend hahahahahahaha fook that bullshit.

maybe i should just trip out on acid and mushrooms erry day. well, erry 3 days.

going to see old friend today for first time in a while, he has no idea muh life is ruined. last time i saw him i was still working and talking to female fren hahahahahahahaha.

anyway sometimes he greatly disappoints me with his drinking however sometimes he impresses me with his not drinking. basically he should learn from me and never drink again. besides i could probably start drinking moderately again. he def cannot. and it is very disappointing when he starts drinking around you, because he starts slamming drinks and getting drunk fast and making everyone around him angry and disappointed. but i think he might be in a good phase now. when he is in a good phase, he is all right.


npr does patronizing story about millennials going into the trades rather than college even though npr is for college liberal arts fags who either get masters degrees and work at nonprofits, or phds and and become academics, or work at starbucks or become neets like me, or SJW communist marxist traitors hahahaha

SEX should be PRIVATE, INTIMATE and SACRED (or at least SPECIAL), something you dont talk about, something you do only with Special, Trusted, Intimate People. not a lot of people!

Kristopher Heinekamp • 7 months ago
As a millennial looking to possibly transition into a skilled trade (since teaching has zero job security), I’m a bit cautious
One of the difficult things about our modern economy is acknowledging that automation and outsourcing has eliminated a lot of jobs. The media likes to try and mask this problem by harping on these “high growth” fields or some “skills gap” myth (wages aren’t increasing, so there isn’t really a skills gap).
While it SOUNDS GOOD to say that resolving the unemployment of young people by encouraging them to go into these skilled trades, this really isn’t going to solve much of anything. Of course, we have the “shocking” stories now about how the Boomers/Gen X made mistakes by encouraging everyone to go to college, because now there is a surplus of college graduates. It looks like this is exactly what we’re preparing to do with skilled trades. There are just not enough jobs, but admitting that is politically problematic, so what is the response? We push and corral kids back and forth, chasing whatever fleeting glimmer of “jobs” we see. The Millennials are a larger group than the Boomers, and Gen X’ers are still working. After automation and outsourcing, there are not going to be enough jobs. That’s the problem. Pushing Millennials to get MORE education and MORE training is laughable. Once we have that, then we’re STILL turned down for jobs because we don’t have “experience.” I was at a job fair today. “We’re DESPERATE for machinists!” I say I’d be willing to do it if they’re willing to train, and the response is, “Oh…uhh….well, we really are only hiring experienced people.” Must be that SKILLS GAP, eh!?
The concrete numbers are quite startling. I found the number for the state of Wisconsin: http://worknet.wisconsin.gov/w…

Welding is often mentioned (and something I did in High School, and I liked, so what I was considering), but let’s look at what we’re really talking about. For ALL welding related jobs in Wisconsin, we’re talking about an increase of 730 jobs over a TEN YEAR PERIOD. Even assuming each and ever welder in Wisconsin retires (which they won’t), we’re talking about 3,560 jobs available in 2020.
AND, the kicker? The welding training program at my local community college is already at capacity…they aren’t taking anyone else in for now.
Now, JUST for this 2014-2015 year, the University of Wisconsin-Madison has 29,302 undergraduate students. That’s only four years worth of Millennials at ONE college.
Do we seriously think we can transfer all these college-bound students into the skilled trades?
What we’re going to do is exactly what we’ve done with college graduates; force a huge mess of kids into a career path, causing oversaturation, causing increased unemployment. Then, we can have self-righteous articles about how smart we are because these dumb kids made bad decisions.

When it gets REALLY FUN is when we look at ACTUAL JOB OPENINGS: http://worknet.wisconsin.gov/w…

There just aren’t really enough good jobs to go round anymore. Our parents and grandparents spent the last 30 years outsourcing and automating jobs in order to bolster their 401(k)’s, and this is the reality we’re left with. Go ahead, lecture us on how “irresponsible” we were for listening to you all. Tell us about the “high growth” sectors. Tell us about “STEM” jobs. Make sure you do this right after you get that pension and Social Security money. Just don’t – whatever you do – look at the actual numbers.
Let’s go yell at kids on the Madison campus! We can tell them how dumb they are for going to college. Let’s tell them about how hard it was to get a job at the Union factory when you were their age, with that High School diploma. Let’s tell them about a “high-growth” industry like HVAC! Let’s tell them about those 130 new jobs over the next TEN YEARS! Boy, they’re going to feel silly! And we’re going to feel smug! A real win-win!

comment in that npr trades article basically saying its hopeless hahahaha i like this guy


what skilled trade should i do

they recommend electrician or hvac hahaha


something about skills gap but apparently skills gap is bullshit because even vocational skools dont train on these skills? and its impossible to get into an actual on the job training / apprenticeship program?