GOOD PEOPLE ARE ASHAMED WHEN THEY DO BAD THINGS

sat aug 12

IF YOURE NOT ASHAMED OF BEING A HUGE SLUT, WHAT ELSE ARE YOU NOT ASHAMED OF?

GOOD PEOPLE ARE ASHAMED WHEN THEY DO BAD THINGS.

saw this super qt young blond gurl i have seen about 3 to 4 times at public social event. i noticed her the first time i saw her, where she was sitting pretty near to us, and i was like wow that girl is super qt, but i think average guys would say meh she is ok but no big deal, maybe 6/10 hahahaha. a little Mousey.

i guess MOUSEY IS MY TYPE hahahahahahaha.

this is really the first time where i was like wow i SHOULD go talk to that woman and try to Ask Her Out On A Date hehehehe. the worst she can say is no.

but i would be 100% satisfied with her qt body and if she had a decent personality, WHICH IS NOT HARD TO DO, JUST BE NICE AND MAKE AN EFFORT NOT TO BE AN OBNOXIOUS BITCH, then I could see myself TOTALLY getting over and forgetting about That Woman. This Woman has the potential to replace and erase That Woman completely. would probably be an improvement if she’s not a mudshark and tries to not give silent treatment.

main qualm is that i have nothing to talk about and i am OLD and an omega male with several years of huge setbacks on muh career. she is maybe 8 to 10 years younger than me, and probably on the Average Path to a Middle Class Career. University, graduate at 21, get a decent entry level 30k job at 21, get a promotion and/or a grad degree by age 25, etc. what do you say to normie winners like this? what do you say when you have WEIRD INTERESTS that you cant talk about with normies, like jooish subversion of our culture, the future of huhwhyte people, plus women shouldnt be talking about political stuff anyway.

well ok i guess i could keep the conversation on the Common Interest we clearly have, and talk about careers in general, or her career, minimize talk about my career. talk about morality in broad general terms, like do no harm and dont treat people like shit, and Tinder Dating Culture is Gross, i hope you’re not into that. no i dont just want to “FOOK” you, I WANT to put in the due diligence and dating and extreme vetting in order to get to that point, and i dont WANT you to fook guys right away anyway. i mean you SHOULD be taking at least 6 months anyway.

the other thing is she really does look kinda YOUNG. i dont have a problem with that…..but ALL OF SOCIETY DOES, so she would be getting a lot of pressure, and prob a lot of her own personal preference to not date an old loser creeper, find a nice boy at college closer to her own age who didnt screw up so much in life, has a good career.

ideally, i would have talked to her that VERY FIRST DAY i noticed her and ASked Her Out On A Date then. now I’m THINKING about her and ALREADY building up a stupid FANTASY.

but you CAN tell something just by looking at people. not everything, but still some meaningful stuff. some poeple just LOOK LIKE dirty mudshark sluts. some women look young and innocent and nerdy and mousey, like they havent been with 100000 guys.

sure, some sluts can look innocent, especially the young cute ones, but they can’t hide that slutty c0khungry gaze forever. cold, dead, black eyes, like a dolls eyes hahahaha. damn disgusting sex addicts hahahahaha.

sex is very important and im very interested in it…..but i put it in a proper perspective! and realize it is in service of something even MORE important!!!!!!!

women might not UNDERSTAND this, but they dont NEED to, they just NEED to not be a slut. when something they cant understand is just in their bones and says no, i dont want to BEHAVE like a dirty slut, even if my peers do, even if tinder encourages it. im just not wired that way. nope. its gross. it doesnt feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel right. im not that kind of gurl. if some guy is a player pushing for secs, i dump him. i want to really get to know a guy first and i dont have secs unless we are In A Relationship.

DING DING DING WE HAVE A WINNER that is the correct answer. she doesn’t need to do on some bitter diatribe like you do about degeneracy and sin and the sanctity of human life and da joos and a culture of disposability and bla bla bla. you can gently push her towards that and then after 6 months of dating she can be a raging antijooish crusader with you hahahaha.

so what my plan hahahaha. take a shower next time i go, so i dont stink like a person who hasnt taken a shower in 3 days hahahahaha. dont talk about jooish degeneracy, dont say ive been staring at you the past 4 weeks, dont say im a neet omega 35 year old virgin who makes 13k a year. just emphasize the positives. say i am a nice person and a good person and want to meet a nice woman who is Compatible with me. I dont go in for Tinder Culture and you like to play this game i like to play and frankly you are kinda QT. For me. i dunno most other guys would think you are a 6.8 hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha like that neg?

but 6.8 is my 10 hahahaha. shit 6.8 is out of my league, im a 6 at best!

got first paycheck in 17 months hahahahaha. feels pretty good. someone who makes 13k a year should not be paying out 18% in taxes…..but really its only 9% in taxes and 9% in DEDUCTIONS like state pension / health care. which doesnt really benefit me at all. and social security hehehe. i have tried to minimize my state and fed income tax byt claiming allowance, or exemptions on the w4, which i never do, but now i am, because i would rather the money made .0000001% jooish interest for me, rather than go to uncle shmuley.

like to cut back on the coffee here hehehehe. i literally drink coffee all day, over a pot of coffee a day. it doesnt even have an effect on me any more. which is good as regards muh sensitive stomach, but uhhhh i would like to be more awake and alert and energized!!!!!

having a qt mousey 6.8, less than 10 guys gf would prob help with that hahaha.

go to therapy weirdo. hahahaha. well if you make 26k a year and dont go mad and have serious emotional probs that stop you from making 26k a year, be thankful, and prepare to live a Life Without Women.  and go to therapy for at least 10 years, thousands and thousands of dollars, before you are minimally qualified to date a disgusting pigwoman hahahaha. that’s how low your market value is.

i just hate this lie women tell t hat women are not aliens, they are just like men. well, it’s really a JOO lie, the women don’t know its a lie, they are just repeating jooish trash, they dont need to know any better.

but yeah. when i was friends with women, i was like, this is pretty nice, see women arent these weirdass ALIENS, theyre PEOPLE just like you and me.

of course, i didn’t have any Romantic Interest in them. when i DID, then came the whole ALIEN thing.

no, women arent technically aliens……UNTIL you want to interact with them in an Heterosexual, Dating, Relship, Intimate capacity. THEN they are total aliens. and you have to Learn and Use GAME hahahahaha.

aka BE MASCULINE.

if youre just trying to be friends with women, you need no game whatsoever. you can be a neet omega virgin.

then shit gets ridiculous when you start getting more than friendly feelings for your female friend.

just because Our Past makes us the Awesome People we are now, doesn’t mean you can’t be deeply ashamed of the horrible, degenerate, disgusting, shameful things you did in your past!

it’s not the PAST per se that makes you who you are, its you LEARNING from the MISTAKES you made and WORKING to become a better person! doesnt mean you should be HAPPY about those mistakes!!!! you can say, yeah that SUCKED, i was shitty, and I never want to be shitty like that again! NOT i fooked 10000000 guys and im not ashamed at all, i chose you, so you better accept my past!

i’ll accept your past once you REPENT for it.

NO REPENTANCE, NO ACCEPTANCE.

i will FORGIVE just about ANYTHING. my mercy and forgiveness is almost as infinite as GOD’S. but even GOD asks you to be REMORSEFUL for your sins. no you dont have to live in shame for years, but you DO have to realize what you did was WRONG, and genuinely, honestly be sorry for it, and willing to do a penance for it. Can you say this about your GF and her Slut Past? If not, be very afraid. because she’s not done with her slut past. its looking like a slut present and slut future. hell yeah you should judge, especially if she’s not going to!

im very judgmental of other people, but how about myself? EVEN MORE SO! you’re god damn right i am even MORE judgmental of myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!

woman wants to get revenge on her bf who legit betrayed her. i can totally understand revenge. but she wants to go too far for even a legit betrayal. like pushing the guy back into being a drinker, hurting his dying mother, even some say Ghosting is too much, Ghosting seriously fooks people up, don’t do it, its bad karma.

heh. my idea of revenge would be, just send all the noods and sex pictures they sent you, to their family members to show them what a slut they are. probably dont send the pictures to any family who is known to be super old, or dying, cancer, MS, etc. basically to mother and father, if they are not dying.

maybe plastering the noods all around her neighborhood. or sending them to her boss and colleagues. post on facebook wall.

or putting a bag of dog shit on their porch.

i mean i dont WANT revenge any more. i just want her to know what she did was WRONG, that it HURT me, and to be REMORSEFUL for it. also shes not a bad shitty person. so,more than likely, she DOES feel bad about it. well, that doesnt’ make me feel any better, because if she’s a good person, then i want to Be With Her!!!!!! and she is, and I do!

yeah well maybe this qt gurl at the game night is also a nice person. there are lots of good people out there. i tend to stay away from Bad People! that woman not a bad person, she was a pretty darn good person!

the people i associate with are good people! i would be hard pressed to name a single bad person that I actually know! if i get the intuition a person is a real piece of shit…..i stay away from them!

i mean i’ve know some Very Troubled people….but they are still Good people despite their flaws.

yet i WASTE all this time and energy THINKING about BAD people who don’t even really EXIST in my life!!!!!! these FICTIONAL degenerate sluts!

i mean they’re not strictly fiction….. but point is, iTS NOT WORF IT wasting time and energy thinking about this shit for more than 1 minute, unless i actually have a bad person or degen slut in my life giving me Issues!

so i waste a lot of time and energy, cause a lot of pain and anger, thinking about ABSTRACTIONS!!!!!! i mean these things really DO exist, but i tend to shun them in real life! even the sluts i’ve actually dealt with, i can’t say they were horrible people! just troubled and misguided!

heh. i was thinking about starting a Despair Forum where members pay x dollars and in return, they get a shrink or social worker who responds with expert advice every day, every thread. kind like Despair Forums only with an active team of experts who posted on all threads hahahaha.

maybe limited to men only.

i mean its sad. on /relships you see PLENTY of people with despair, or their gf or bf has issues with it, plenty of requests to Go To Therapy for Despair, yet if you look at /despair, its the shittiest sub ever. like, even shittier than /relships. for such a serious problem, it needs more serious discussion on reddit hahahahaha.

2016-12-30-13_24_12-sam-hyde-on-girls-in-college-kickstarter-tv-youtube

hehehe thats pretty funny

i guess this is a sign from GOD tellng me now is the time to become a sam hyde fan, sam is one of ussssssssss……

well i believe sam is a grad of RISD, ie a very top tier art skool, and he is prob butthurt because it didnt make him any money and he is 3000000000$ in debt now hahahahaha. well if THAT doesnt wake you up to the jooish college scam, nothing will. and there are THOUSANDS of college educated middle class shitlibs who are 50k in college debt and still LUV joos and blax and muslims and gays and cheating and abortions. at least sam has seen the light. id like him for him to seriously come out and say “I AM A HUHWHYTE NATIONALIST” but pretty sure he is anyway hahaha.

i just enjoy serious honest interviews more than “playing a character” for comedy. and of course you can be witty and funny in your serious interviews. shit i think he has done some normal talks, i just dont have the time to listen to his 6000000000000000000000000000000 vidyas hahahaha.  i mean i would like if the SPLC just did a report on him already, sam hyde is a WN racist terrorist hahahaha. i mean besides all the school shootings he did hahahahahaha. the fact he got his tv show on adult swim for even a month is insane.

i mean, i see attractive young women pretty regularly…..but rarely do i feel the urge that I SHOULD REALLY APPROACH THAT WOMAN. I will regret not approaching her.

when really i should be bold like a negro and approach every woman i find attractive, which, as i say, is a decent number. well, it wont be after all these 18-21 year old white gurls go back to ((((COLLEGE)))) hehehehe.

they dont need to understand how jooish it is. they just need to not DO THE JOO hahahaha. dont have tinder sex. dont treat people like garbage or objects. dont JOO people.

so GOD is calling me to talk to this gurl somehow. honestly the thing that concerns me most is that she looks really YOUNG. i dont have a problem with that, but the whole world does. if she is like 22 years old, yeah i risk looking like a real CREEPER in public. like why the hell am i interested in a CHILD hahahaha. yeah well fook that. shes a super qt gurl and i am a Single Man. in my heart i know its all right hahahaha. its not like she is 16 or even 18.

besides when i first became friends with that woman, she was 22 hahahahahaha. a CHILD.

really trying to improve my Mint system, and i have. trying to eliminate vague categories like “groceries” or “shopping.” because it had automatically moved stuff from the local supermarket or amazon or paypal or target into one of these categories when something like “clothing” is much more descriptive and useful. shoes, gratitude for fam, coffee, food, etc. books.

heh. i could make up a little business card with a link a Dating Website that i could give to that young woman for her to learn more about me than i can give in a 30 second elevator speech hahahaha. a nontinder nondating website profile hahaha. a general social website. like facebook. but not because i am not on facebook hahahaha. because i am creepy about womenhahahaha.

basically women on Dating Sites go on a lot of Dates, even on the rare chance they are not having lots of gross slutty secs with a lot of sleazy dudes. at the very least, they are going on lots of DATES and sitting through HOURS of guys trying to entertain or interest or impress them. that is a lot of competition. you have to be more interesting than all these guys. guys who have had a LOT more dating and women experience than you. you think, jeez, i wish there were some OTHER way to meet women, i just dont want to meet the types of women who use dating sites. therefore, you have to find women in the Wild who dont look like dating site sluts, and approach them. realizing they could very well still use dating sites and be huge sluts even if they dont LOOK like it hahahahahaha. like That Woman. did not look like a mudshark or a dating site woman, but she was a mudshark and on okcupid and probably tinder.

in her defense, she wasn’t all in on any of those things. she had just dipped the toe in. she could have EASILY turned back. being a decent person, she probably did, and married a nice white boy, gave him many children, and they lived very happily ever after.

https://radio.therightstuff.biz/2016/12/28/rebel-yell-150-sexual-utopia-in-power-f-roger-devlin/

heh i have known about devlin for YEARS, ever since bernard talked about him YEARS ago. little did i know that devlin was proto-alt-right! but yeah i should buy devlins books already. great guy with great perspective on WOMEN. not sure if he has great advice for normal men to find decent women. wish he would talk more about that. maybe he does in this interview. good that he says yes to appearing on a TRS podcast.

http://www.radixjournal.com/journal/2016/12/20/cultural-enrichment-and-sexual-competition

took benedryl.

that feel when you have been using your gf as an “emotional beast of burden” without being aware, and she resents you for it, and says youre very immature and need lots of therapy, but in reality you’re well within your rights, and she should be your beast of burden in this situation by just giving you some comfort when your parent is dying and you are sad. but now you are immature and need therapy.

thankfully reddit agreed that the gf was being rdiculous and immature and he didnt’ necess need therapy just because he vented at her once and was a BUZZKILL at that time.

hehehe i have had severe derpression for almost half muh life and i would never think of doing this to a person, giving them a bullshit ultimatum like that! a guy who would act like this could never get a gf in the first place!

thankfully reddit gave good advice. they DO give good advice 50% of the time!

woman ghosted  by man. i took it alot worse than this hahahaha.

good god. making good money at age 24 AND getting a full ride scholarship and hes not even finished with uni? getting a total POS for a gf when he DESERVES a nice white waifu.

smokin MJ and listen to saor, fuath….and gris again hahahahaha.

NOT ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT, ONLY HALF

sheeeeit

sept 24

what i dont like about medical MJ is that you get put on a State List. that law enforcement and WHO KNOWS WHO ELSE can get access too. employers doing background checks? fedgov? aren’t background checks done BY law enforcement?

also if you have an MJ card, you CANNOT technically legally own a Firearm/Pistol. (what about a hunting rifle?)

you have to officially send back and revoke your MJ card if you want to legally own a firearm.

i have lived in two different worlds, one where owning a gun is UNTHINKABLE, and another where owning a gun is PERFECTLY NORMAL, NO PROBLEM MAN. And I personally much prefer the latter hahahahaha. its WEIRD that people can take SUCH HORRIFIED OFFENSE to the MERE IDEA of owning a GUN. but believe me, they absolutely DO. they are DISGUSTED at the very IDEA that people – working class, uneducated, trump supporting, WHITE people – even CAN own guns.

so youd think there wouldnt be a lot of MJ card holders who ALSO even WANT to own guns…..but youd be surprised! in the normie real world, people do have a healthy apprecation of their 2nd amendment rights hahaha and i cant blame them! so do i!

in other words, I SHOULD get a gun, but I’m too lazy and keep putting it off and havent done it yet because i;m too lazy to comply with the law and jump thru the hoops and do the paperwork and talk to the police.

anyway i REALLY dont want to have my name on a state list for something that is federally ILLEGAL .

also REALLY what are they REALLY doing about driving and MJ in legal states? like DUI arrests? i havent heard SHIT about that, but Im SURE its a big thing.

well, ive heard a little bit about the market for MJ breathalyzer tech. and i agree. i would not mind investing in such a company. i wish i could just invest 20 bucks hehehehe.

google invest in MJ breathalyzer

http://www.theweedblog.com/no-one-should-invest-marijuana-breathalyzer-company-stock/

best clickbait title ever hehehehe

we arent sure the tech really works! they can short the stock!

i mean shit. i just want to invest 20 to 50 bucks. but one simply cannot do that.

http://www.cannabixtechnologies.com/investors.html

hehehehe

i guess i could use one of those trading websites? maybe? to buy stock in this canadian company?

i might make enough on a 20 dollar investment to pay for the FEE on the trade! but probably not hahahaha. i would be better off putting the money in the BANK to get .1% interest.

anyway it strikes me as NAIVE AS FOOK that all these pro-legalization MJ people and MJ has 0 recorded fatalities in history maaaaaan, completely bury their head in the sand regarding MJ related car crashes, even though they would certainly take huge notice to alcohol related car deaths!!!!

methinks the local police would make JUST AS MUCH OR MORE revenue arresting people for MJ DUI than they did arresting people for MJ possession and dealing etc back in the day.  I WONDER.

even WORSE, many MJ advocated think alcohol DUI is immoral and disgusting, but they think its JUST FINE to drive under the influence of MJ. “oh i do it all the time, IT DOESNT IMPAIR YOUR DRIVING.”

bullshit hehehehehe. saying that as someone who has done it more than several times!

nonetheless i still want legal MJ so i can go into the store and buy some!

but employers are STILL gonna test for it! and companies who random testing of all their employees will STILL do that!

but i do agree that MJ test needs to be developed that tells you WHEN the person last blazed. 1 day ago? 1 hour ago?

and also measures exactly HOW IMPAIRED you are.

heh. this is pretty much why i drank. because it was fun. recreation. it blocked out the negative feels. could get stupified. kinda the very similar reason i want to sm0ke MJ!!!!!!!!!!

basically, if i hadnt totally screwed up with alcohol, I would probably be drinking right now!!!!

and then i would probably drink to excess and get in trouble. like i did. it was basically inevitable.

heh. i dont abuse nyquil simply because it isnt as fun! you cant get totally out of your mind on nyquil, if you do, the aceto will K you!

i guess i could just take a bunch of sleeping pills that have no aceto hehehehe.

then you are tired all the next day, kind of a big hangover.

alcohol has a TERRIBLE hangover, but its ALMOST worth it. it isn’t, but its easy to convince yourself it is!

and then you have a terrible hangover the entire next day hahahaha.

maybe i should go to the black ghetto and try to buy MJ from some shady looking thug on the street hahahaha.

ctrl f does not work on the chrome bookmarks page.

it does, but only on the current SCREEN. if you have a list of 1000 bookmarks, its only gonna search the 30 bookmarks or so that are on the screen without scrolling.

yes there is a separate search box, but that does not highlight the results, so you dont know where to find it in the NORMAL list.

but of course on regular webpages, ctrl f searches stuff on the whole page. because heads would roll if it didnt. that is a feature request the devs simply could not ignore. the users would come and crucify poor level 1 phone monkeys.

white women acting like muh dick negro apes. its disgusting. have a longer time preference. have less of a desperate need for instant gratification. muh dick. muh uterus. muh cl1toris. muh tingles.

since i am on NO social media, i FORGET how ANNOYING average regular normie women are on social media. facebook, twitter, and, my point right now, stuff like okcupid and i assume tinder. dating social media. the things they say and the way they present themselves is annoying as fook. unattractive. disgusting. lip curling. you say good lord, what a terrible annoying personality, but i guess id fook that body. which is a degen negro way of thinking of course!

i guess just keep in mind women come across as more unlikeable than they are in RL, as they do on Social Media.

in other words, tell yourself, she’s PROBABLY more likeable in real life. probably. less annoying than she seems here.

cuz i remember when i used to look for women on okcupid, after like 15 minutes, i would get discouraged and think THIS is what i have to pick from? i guess i will have to settle for negro muh dickin cuz none of these women are rel worthy. i will never find a woman i actually like, and its prob better to settle for degen negro casual sex and have SOME contact and experience and fun with women, than be celibate the rest of muh life pining for some perfect angel!

this was the some nihilistic mindset i had before i got feels for That Woman. welp, i will never get feelings for a woman again, but i GUESS I would be pretty happy with meaningless casual negro sex, thats good enough. get a harem of 10 gurls, i could be happy with that. its not like im getting any now anyway. just bang bitches and maybe one day meet a decent one but dont COUNT on it. dont get disappointed when you dont find that.

yesh this is pretty degen, and that degen is a lot easier to see when you take into account your new goal of Having Children. you want the mother of your children to be a god damn whore? to ask the question is to answer it!

so yeah thats the difference between now and 2012. in 2012 i didnt really care about having children, in 2015 i do. that also makes the dumping harder. and makes it harder to settle for meaningless, nihilistic, degenerate muh dick transactional “relationships.”

i mean in 2012 i was still pretty darn pro white, mind you!

i refer to 2012 because that was the last dumping/heartbreak. which was not nearly as bad. oh life was good then. i got heartbroken but i still had an easy job and i didnt quit it. i didnt have a 14 month and growing gap on muh resume. i had a new female friend i got along with which proved to me that women were normal human beings and that I Had What It Takes to Get Along with Them.

yep just break it into little chunks. do one application a day. then 500 days & applications later, you might have a job hahahaha.

prob closer to 600 hahahaha.

well i did 4 applications today, 3 at this one company where it went REALLY quick, like 5 minutes each. simply had to upload muh resume (in my case, the 10 page behemoth document) 3 times and just changing the name of the job in the cover letter. which is prob bad because i need to do MOAR TAILORING of the cover letter than just the damn job title. but why im the BEST candidate for this IT department job or that Scheduling department job or That HR department job.

how does that woman do it. how does ANY normie do it. how are you the best at something that pays 13 an hour or above.

how come 80% of all jobs posted are not entry level jobs? they should hire from within! where are the entry level jobs posted? or are they not posted, and they all go thru temp agencies? but many temp agencies POST these jobs. and indeed i am very close to going down that route. just as long as it isnt doing tech support phones. where i have to beg and argue to get something escalated. shit if i could escalate on my own authority, that wouldnt be super bad. some places you can. you go over 20 minutes, then boom you have blanket permission. of course they will prob try to fire you because you go over 20 minutes to much and escalate too many cases “due to time.” well then hire some dumb 85 iq negro and see if THEY fix it in under 20 minutes. well they’ll just bullshit to get the person off the phone in 19 minutes without solving the issue. and that’s fine. THAT’s ok. leave the problem unsolved, as long as its less than 19 minutes. i hate that mindset.

sept 25

on EVERY website its pretty easy to FLAG or REPORT something to the moderators.

but not on INDEED! for example, a big financial services company (bank?) with a listing on indeed, sounds like a decent entry level job, but the apply link takes you to this other site, and that site looks kinda fishy, and makes you think it’s not really the company it says on indeed.

maybe its a temp job at that company. well they should say that. i mean this is essentially a fancy swiss bank and i would HOPE they would contract with more professional people.

also, if you can only get entry level jobs at big companies thru AGENCIES (for example, assembly line jobs with major big manufacturers)…………… how do you find out WHICH agency to apply to to find the jobs at Company A or B or C?

ok on that kriegsmaschine prism i linked a little while ago, that is NOT the same awesome mgla drummer as mgla has now. it is actually the mgla drummer they had BEFORE him….who is still pretty darn good! this guy also played on the “altered states of divinity” lp.

basically, im trying to say, kriegsmaschine changed a LOT over the years, and i probably prefer the older, blastier stuff. there is no blasting on their 2014 album with the genius mgla drummer darkside. which is a SHAME because he is an amazing drummer and i WANT to hear him blast like a madman. he does it occasionally with mgla, so i dont think he considers himself above it. there are also normie pictures of him on facebook and he is HANDSOME! I bet he has NO problem getting a qt innocent polish trad waifu!!!! jelly!!!!!

 

here is another polish bm band i should be paying a lot more attention to. including fast blasts, great drummer, good production, and lots of melodic riffs, and a sense of “creativity” and “original style.”

yeah ive known about them for like 2 years but never really gave them a fair listen. new music takes a lot of effort but this group seems to be worth it.

i mean there is SO MUCH BLACK METAL going on in poland right now, its AMAZING, its not just graveland only anymore folks. its possible poland is the #1 black metal country in the world right now. which makes me very happy since poland is one of my favorite countries period, always will be.

 

on this earlier album they sound a little more black metally maybe hahaha. not so postmodern and hipster hahahahaha.

 

ok i am tired of metal for the day. i want to listen to something chill. for some reason i came to this album. it is described as “post rock slowcore” but we will see. rather phaggy sigur ros style singing. which is not inherently bad. i mean who am i to crap on “agaetis byrjun”. i am not informed enough to tell if this is a blatant sigur ros ripoff or not.

 

i am looking for some slow chill kinda “SAD BASTARD” music. older red house painters would be perfect but RHP reminds me too much of That Woman, so, no go. no can do little buddy.

baby steps. do one thing a day. one application a day.  baby steps. i only did 3.6 miles of walking today. but got under muh calorie goal of 1200, and also the whole week averaged under 1200 for all days. not that i even NEED to lose weight. but I lost about 18% of muh body weight starting in jan 2016 and it has been noticeable.

mazzy star and hope sandoval, their shtick is pretty obvious, and you will know right away if you like it or not. normally i hate everything about women, but i do like her voice hahahahaha. like when i used to listen to cat power hahahaha. no i cant crap on cat power. even if she is a marxist whore. so is hope sandoval probably hahahaha. they’re all race mixers mud sharks hahahaha.

like varg vikernes’ 23 year old beautiful daughter who i shudder to think how many brown guys shes sucked and fooked in britain and norway hahahahahahaha.

o god. well theres an internet rumor that this qt 23 year old norwegian singer is vargs daughter, and it is a fact that he has a 23 year old daughter from some random woman when he was very young.

and yeah i am troubled a bit by him being a “deadbeat father” to this gurl.

also we dont know for sure that this girl IS his daughter. but she kinda looks like him. I mean varg is a handsome man even though he looks old and haggard now. but he cleans up very well. and i would imagine his daughter would be 8/10 attractive hahahaha. i wont even say the gurls name because i dont want to contribute to the rumor.

but she likes miley cyrus and likes attention and likes dressing up and getting made up and i know varg wouldnt allow that if he were actually involved in the girls life. but he couldnt be, because he was in jail for most of her life!

i guess he got a women preggers right before he went to jail and the woman did the unnorwegian thing by not getting an abortion, so thats good…..i mean damn thats a hard situation. damn.

also, until varg comes out and says this girl is not my daughter, or she comes out and says varg is not my father, the rumor is actually pretty plausible!!!!!!!

but im glad varg married a young woman and had 4 or 5 children with her and is very involved with that family!!!!!

but yeah if this beautiful 23 year old girl IS his daughter, then I REALLY hope she hasn’t mudsharked, and what the hell would varg have to say about that.

i say this all as someone who is a fan of vargs music AND his pro-white ideology hehehehehe.

TIL that if you eat a huge bowl of special k cereal with 2 cups of whole milk (4 cups / 124 g of cereal hahahahaha) that is 780 calories hahahahaha.

i just ate a 780 calorie bowl of CEREAL and i am still hungry hehehehehe.

well to be fair that was 5 hours ago hehehehe.

heh. i hate that idiots can be gainfully employed but i cant because reasons hahaha. because i get nervous in interviews and i have a huge gap hahahaha. if i were a qt 25 year old gurl it wouldnt matter.

well got one app done today at least. baby steps. bit by bit. infinitely better than 0 hehehehe. i mean i  did 4 the other day, 5 the other day. sheeeeit.

never been a huge death fan but shit. i first heard about death when “the sound of perseverance” CAME OUT, just to once again whine about my age.

at my current age i would lean more towards the less progressive death hehehehe. also where chuck sounds less like his balls have been cut off.

yes i am aware that chuck is 50% jooish. believe me i can never forget it.

new darkthrone album just came out. welp i do like the production on this album and for some unknown reason i am optimistic about this album. i probably should have been optimistic about their previous album.

listen im old enough to remember when “the cult is alive” and then “foad” came out. i was like hmm what are you doing here darkthrone. and i was interested but both albums were boring as hell, so i just ignored everything they did since then.

while “transilvanian hunger” and “panzerfaust” were all time favorites of muh youth. smoking MJ as a 17 year old and playing riffs from those albums.

so they went from classic, to FOOKING BORING AF.

so really, i kinda EXPECT them to be BORING AF, and I expect this album to get boring after 3 songs, but it DOES have a great production sound. hopefully there is plenty of culto screams. i didnt like that culto rolled back his screams and then fenriz started singing more songs.

also its weird that they refuse to play shows. i can see not going on long tours, but wouldnt it be FUN to play a SHOW once a YEAR in NORWAY?

I mean they both seem like basic metal normies, not too weird, probably a fair amount of degen in there. like fenriz should have some CHILDREN and not be listening to METAL all day. i guess he used to be married but he got divorced. maybe his wife was tired of being married to a manchild hahahahahahahahahaha no i have no idea.

maybe his wife was a masculinized norwegian wimmin. all i know is that she did some artwork for famous black metal albums like “bergtatt” and maybe “transilvanian hunger.”

i mean i dont HATE fenriz’s power metal vocals. and yeah the drum sound and guitar sound is GREAT on this new album. and culto sounds pretty good. but what about the RIFFS? too early to tell.

making a pot of Chili, felt some agency today. the big value add was that I added some BACON. maybe even too much. theres a lot of bacon fetishizing going on the past 10 years, but i cant really argue against it…..well yes the FETISHIZATION of ANYTHING I can argue against. But basically Im saying that Bacon IS good and makes just about anything better. but what about muh chili. we will see. I just tore it up and threw it in there with the ground beef, browned all the meats, added tomato sauce, beans, spices, and letting it all simmer on low for at least 2 hours.

ok does nocturno culto have any children? he better. i mean fenriz should too.

they know how to get a great sound though. and i am 90% sure this is just them in their “studio” / rehearsal space. in a damn nondescript little room. nothing fancy at all. but this is NOT EASY TO DO. so I respect them for being able to do it well. IMO, it shouldnt be complicated. Id like to think I could do it too. also i can write boring riffs…..like darkthrone! but mine are even worse hahahaha.

ate the chili. it was bretty good. protein and fibre packed. yes i use beans, a lot of beans, i like the beans. mind you theres a lot of damn beef in there too. beef beans and bacon is what it is basically. thankfully the bacon taste did not overwhelm at all. i put like 6 strips of bacon in with 2 lbs of beef and about 2 lbs of beans hahahahaha. i absolutely did NOT drain any fat from the meat hahahahaha.

YUGE trump vs shillary first debate tonight. def pretty exciting there. i should really use the opportunity to get my rep up on TRS forum hahahaha.

just saw a jackass in the hofstra university crowd wearing a tshirt with a gorilla in red white and blue which said “HARAMBE FOR PRESIDENT” hahahahaha. or HARAMBE 2016. it defeinitely said HARAMBE hehehehe. well memed muh boy.

wonder if some TRS or related people are out there right now. pool parties.

baby steps every day. at least 1 job app a day (still need to do), and also i want to do 10-15 pushups every day.

everyones making a big deal out of fenriz being a “politician” but really he is just a SUBSTITUTE city council member and he didnt even WANT the job. literally ANYONE could have put their name in and got the job. in fact who knows if it even pays anything.

boo hoo let him have his fun, he wanted to put up a funny picture of him and his cat, why should i be a buzzkill.

i wonder if he is become a crazy old cat man!!!!!

i can appreciate cats, but dogs are better, and come on. you dont wnat to be a crazy old cat man.

COMMON COURTESY IS A REASONABLE EXPECTATION

sept 14

i dont WANT an EXPLANATION of WHY, I already know WHY, that’s nothing. I jsut wanted to be treated nicer, like a human being, like i mattered, like our Rel mattered, like it was an important rel between two human beings. sheeeeeit i already know WHY. the WHY is not important. I just wanted more kindness and gentleness and less ice coldness hahahaha. treat me and our Past Rel with DIGNITY.

i dont are about why. i already KNOW why. case closed. i just wanted to know what she was thinking regarding hurting me. did you really WANT to HURT me? and WHY was THAT?

other thing: besides being humiliated on a personal level, i felt humiliated on a woring level: i failed at this job, while she succeeded at the same job. She could handle it, I couldn’t. She’s moving up, I’m moving down. I cant handle REAL LIFE as good as her. She is a winner, i am a loser, and losers like me dont deserve to associate with winners like her. and maybe thats why she rejected me so brutally on a personal level. because i was just inferior scum in every conceivable way. i was like the slimiest, most scheming little sleazy greasy joo to her.

and i think abotu how women Botch Relationships and Emotioanlly Overreact (I screwed up TOO but she screwed up WAY more), and I think, how the hell can women do JOBS and make 13 dollars an hour??? you need to make GOOD decisions! you need to have a record of excellence! you need to communicate clearly and decisively! women cant do this shit! they are like a 50 foot baby with a flamethrower! how can they be mature enough to handle a 13 an hour job, LET ALONE a 20 dollar an hour job??!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?

she never made flashcards! she never looked at old cases! she never studied when she went home! she never did homework! yet i failed and she succeeded! I wanted to know how shit worked, she just said idk lol! and got a man to help her! and she is the winner and i am the loser at life! FOOK THAT SHIT!!!! FOOK THIS GAY EARTH.mov

maybe i should embrace hating women like i embracing being a racist.

so i thought, well i dont even HATE other races, i just dont think races can coexist all that well. but women of my own race annoy the shit out of me just as much or even more than people of other races!

and this is not good, i thought. it jsut doesnt feel like something natural or sustainable the way being a racist feels pretty natural. i dont really WANT To hate women in other words.

also, for a man like me who wants so much to be a father and have children…..i dont think its a good idea for a Good Father to HATE WOMEN!!!!!!!

Good Fathers don’t hate women, they get along with women and teach their children how to get along with women!

so yeah in order to level up to pull good women, i need to learn how to deal with low level trash women on okcupid hahahaha.

i guess muh goals in life were never specific enough. find a nice gf. that became find a nice gf and make her muh waifu. as i got older. then that became have children with the waifu. and also get a 13 dollar an hour job with benefits and weekends off that doesnt drive me crazy. that is all.

maybe GOD is not calling me to be a father though. or even to be married. some people are called to be SINGLE 4 LYFE. Its just very weird though. cuz some of my biggest goals were to be married, have children. now GOD is telling me that i’m WRONG??!?!?! these arent horrible ungodly things! GOD LUVS marriage and family and so do I!!!!!!

but maybe  this is not what GOD has meant for me and my life. which is frustrating, because, like i just said, god LUVS marriage and family!

so i thought that well, maybe i’m supposed to be single and childless and I can still support marriage and family by…..doing marriage and family related work. it just seems frustrating though. that all these people can get married, have families and children, some of them are totally shitty too. and i’m meant to SUPPORT families, but i’m not allowed to have a family myself? it sounds CRUEL and SADISTIC!!!! like TORTURE!!!!! God doesnt just TEST us, he TORTURES us!!!!!!!! why the hell CANT I have a family?

well, besides I am totally not ready for it. but i really should be at this age. I mean realistically i have too many ISSUES to be a husband and father. unfortunately. but its the truth.

also, i want to know if i did something terrible, SO I DONT DO IT AGAIN IN THE FUTURE!!!!!!!

i dont want to fook things up this bad again!!!!!!

but again thats an unknown. most likely i didnt do anything horribly wrong, like lie or cheat where i really AM the bad guy at fault. sometimes that shit DOES happen. sometimes it IS your fault.  sometimes you ARE the bad guy.

it would have almost been better if she said YOUR THE BAD GUY, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

heh. maybe.

i hate making mistakes, but i might hate NOT KNOWING if i made a mistake or not even MORE!

i mean if i ever get feelings for a friend again, i WILL handle it differently, namely, tell them assertively and quickly.

oh yeah. when women think “ALL GUYS LOOK AT PORN.”

WRONG! so yeah that is triggering. they havent met me yet! I dont look at porn because it is jooish filth that ruins women and men! poisons the mind and soul!!!! i actively do NOT watch porno and can’t imagine wanting to watch it EVER AGAIN!!!!!! its DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!

applied for 5th job today. army related job. administering asvab tests hahahaha. 15 an hour. found out it was casual/intermittent, meaning no benefits. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. thats the whole reason to get a fedgov job!

well i did not see that until i was 80% done with the grueling 16 minute application hahahaha.

NOTE: the first time you apply for a USAJOBS job, it will take MUCH longer to build your superresume, get all your shit together etc.

all guys do not look at porn, just the manly men you date hahahahaha

omega male sex negative neets think porn is disgusting degeneracy hahahahaha but we are invisible to women so…..

Women SHOULD be CAUTIOUS, they can get PREGNANT!!!!!

BE MORE CAUTIOUS! SHOW MORE CAUTION! DISCRETION!

how can someone with the maturity level of a CHILD make an ABOVE AVERAGE INCOME???? make WAY MORE THAN ME?

also it sucks when they are much more mature with other people, and super immature with you.

then you wonder, what did I do, so I don’t do it again!

but what you did was not super duper offensive, but just basic bitch communication mistakes.

besides, if you are doing something SUPER wrong, like lying or cheating…….you usually KNOW it, and you think, welp, I can GET AWAY with this, they’ll never find out. nothing like that here.

TEN dollar an hour job where posting calls for EIGHTY wpm typing. i have 60.

EIGHTY words a minute for TEN dollars an hour. 

wtf?

113 people applied, so i should apply too hehehehe.

i have a great SUPPORT SYSTEM, so why the hell am i so insecure and unstable and struggling and on the edge?

i have to remember, i dont hate all women. this woman i see at my weekly game, she is very nice and good and i like her and she doesnt annoy me. when i first met her, she kind of annoyed me a little but now i totally appreciate and like her. too bad i am not in luv with her hahahaha. i really didnt have any of that interest in her. not a slut either. darn near asexual which was starting to become weird…..but in the past few years she met a good decent man and they are getting married. pretty much a perfect situation there. he is pretty masculine and not a niceguy wimp pvssy like me, but i get the idea that he has morals and was not a degen womanizer at any point.

separate website for FBI jobs, they are not posted on USAJOBS………i dont think.

ok applied for gs05, 32k level job with air force. it specialist hahahahaha. now this is more like it. there are some fedgov bennies hahahaha. however no specific openings at my local air force base. might never be an opening hhehehe.

ok 6 jobs for today hehehe good enough.

well 7 would be better but i am getting back on the horse. i mean SHEEEEEEEIT, i might have to get to 600 jobs. at 600 i will start sucking dicks for recruiters until i become blacklisted by every recruiter in town. there are a lot of recruiters in town! sometimes it seems there are more recruiters than nonrecruiters hahahaha.

anyway im saying it would take MANY YEARS for me to burn through every recruiter in town.

but yeah it bothers me that a person can be more successful than me yet be a lot more immature than me…..and i am pretty immature.

also, i was the one putting myself out there. she wasnt really putting herself out there at all. she COULD HAVE. in the sense that it would have took some agency and initiative to Respond to the Request, and say Listen, I’m Not Interested, Let’s End this in a good way.

but no she just shut down entirely.

i did not shut down entirely regarding HER.

i did kinda shut down regarding my job and my life.

but its impossible to communicate or deal with a person who SHUTS DOWN.

basically, she shut down, I didnt. I was begging her not to shut down.

yeah, i shouldnt have BEGGED…….but jeez. if someone is begging you, just humor them. i dunno. ive never had anyone BEG me before. I imagine i would write them an email hahahahha.

SHE SHUT DOWN, I DIDNT.

you cant do anything with someone who shuts down. cant communicate, cant make the best of a bad situation. shutting down is abotu the worst communication there is. i did bad communication but not this bad. i didnt shut down.

how can SHE make more money than me and be more successful at life than me???!?!?!?!?!

and in relships too. she had a 4 year relship that could have resulted in marriage. i have never had a long term monog committed rel with a woman, ever.  that in itself is a damn red flag to women, and i have to damn lie about it essentially, or just avoid talking about it.

but i also feel like i havent been given a fair CHANCE. give me a CHANCE and dont GIVE UP and WALK OUT on me. im not THAT bad!!!!!!!! i honestly believe that! im not perfect but im not THAT bad!!!!!!!

i dont SHUT DOWN. I’ll write you a longass email before I shut down. Or leave you a 5 minute voice mail of me rambling. i will tell you whats on my mind in great detail!!!!!!!!! look at this blog!!!!!!

http://www.theabsolute.net/misogyny/onwomen.html

dont look for a redpilled woman, you wont find a decent one. just find a nice decent wholesome woman who has not taken too many dix and you can make her redpilled.

i have known this for a while, i am very comfortable being the red pill person hahahaha. just want a wholesome, moral, decent, nice, woman, thats all.

fook politics, fook redpills, fook race, fook music, fook taste, fook coolness. dont sweat the small stuff hehehe.

she will prove her race loyalty simply by not being interested in fooking nonwhites. and OF COURSE she WILL say something like “but Im not racist, i swear!” im not so autistic any more that I want a woman to say “yes Im proud to be a racist!” for a woman, thats just WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!! for a man, its pretty cool tho.

its very similar to when i was young, i thought it would be so cool to find a waifu who liked METAL. now im smart enough to know that would be a fooking clusterfook. it would be similar to find a full on 1488 waifu. they would prob be bipolar, borderline, and fooking ingras in 6 months.

note: i don’t think That Woman was Over the line crazy like that. she was acceptable levels of normie female crazy. she just greatly disappointed me is all. she is still way less evil than average. a good person who did something very disappointing to me. shit i would take her back in an instant hahahahaha.

i mean women are just not good at making real world judgments and doing things in the real world. yet they make shitloads more money at jobs in the real world. when they have no real SKILL in the real world! i mean when it comes to SERIOUS shit in the real world,  you’d be a fool to trust a woman! they jsut dont have it! and i dont say that to be mean! its just the way it is! its just not a good match for them! their skill set is elsewhere! namely, raising children. and heres the thing, that can of course be extremely compromised as well. in the current year. so many times it appears that many women are good for absolutely NOTHING.

i mean many women in the real world are literally good for absolutely nothing. its sad and horrifying and it didnt have to be that way.

and that woman, she was not one of those worthless women. like i say, i hurts a lot more to be rejected by the good, decent women. those are the ones that take longest to get over. because something of great value was lost. as opposed to something of no value. or negative value hahahaha.

i guess i should meditate on this real life woman i know who is not a piece of garbage, but actually a decent, good, wholesome, moral person. nope she is not redpilled, nope she is not politically minded, yes she likes the worst music and tv shows and movies ever.  but she has good morals, has lived according to those morals, and would make a good wife and mother. perfect. i am not attracted to her but i wish I were. well actually not, because she is getting married and good for them i say. its about time. really she’s getting married a little late at like age 29 or 30, but better late than never in her case.

so whenever i think of That Woman, i should replace her with thoughts of This Woman. Yes.

and i dont think even if you cut muh balls off it would even help. my secsual libido is not the problem. its loving people who are gone, unavailable, and never luved me.

ok want to get in at least 2 applications before my afternoon powerwalk hahaha.

ok got in 3 but they were so low energy. local shitty hospital using ultipro ATS. it kinda incentivizes low energy applications. 3 to 5 minutes each. can only have one resume/packet on there at a time. ideally this is ideal, and employers wouldnt care if you only took 3 minutes on an app vs 30 minutes. but of course they do. and if you spend only 3 minutes, you will get screened out.

yeah tv is really triggering. i usually have it on as background noise……..but i really SHOULDNT. this is not a value added strategy hahahaha.

got 3 apps in real quick. the jobs.com site said full time but 2 were ACTUALLY part time. i dont think this is intentional. i think it is just basic incompetence from whoever manages the jobs.com postings. basic bitch not knowing how to do your job so you just Fudge It and pretend like you know what youre doing…..even though you have no idea of best practices. this is very common. this is the norm hahahaha. norm 4 normies. normies gonna norm hahahahaha.

ok time for powerwalk.

ok did 4.18 mile pwalk. listened to azzmador talking with grandpa lampshades.

ok this isnt the exact one but i should listen to this one.

they are both total laid back southern gentlemen, i have difficulty telling them apart hahahaa except azzmador has a slightly deeper voice. but i love this laid back, polite, friendly, southern hospitality.

very j00 wise alt right type guys who each do their own podcasts but not on trs. but i am sure they approve of trs. they are not renegade tier or anything hahahahaha.

heh. if i am going to have children i cant afford, i might as well do that with some woman i am madly in luv with and would never want to leave hahahaha. of course she could veyr well want to leave me!

because honestly i cant EVER imagine being ABLE to afford children!

heh. i could probably smoke MJ all day, then take the next 2 days off, and then my system would be clear to pass a drugs test. thats pretty good right?

ok how about 3 days.

really the best think i can do is powerwalking hahaha. i wish i was as good about lifting. but powerwalking is my strength, muh skill set, and i want to be the best powerwalker i can be hahaha.

the other thing i naturally do is writing this trash……………… and tbh the powerwalking is a lot BETTER FOR ME.

the writing CAN be good SOMETIMES but it can EASILY go both ways.

the walking cannot. the walking is ALWAYS good. cant go wrong. win win.

these women are NIHILISTIC and SOCIOPATHIC. the horrible lives they lead. the empty, shallow relationships. the things they value. MORAL INVERSION. NIHILISTIC and SOCIOPATHIC. treating people like OBJECTS.

i have been antsy since not having an interview is a while. and i am at 18.5 and i need to get to at LEAST 25. meaning 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, and 24 are all gonna be worthless. other than getting me one closer to magic 25.

but 25 isnt magic! like i say, on the whole, i feel i do PRETTY GOOD on interviews! i mean i dont SLAM DUNK it, but i still feel i do well enough to get an offer before 25!

bridget jones baby? a 50 year old slut with tons of grotesque plastic surgery creating a miserable innocent life out of her 50 year old adolescent sluttery? absolutely disgusting! if i didnt have the tv on i would never have seen that bullshit movie commercial!

women cannot give good advice basically. if you ever need HELP with figuring something out, god forbid you go to a woman. they might mean well, but my god they cannot give good advice. they MIGHT mean well though. that does count for something. but dear god dont take their awful advice. what makes /r/relships so shitty is all the WOMEN chiming in with their shitty advice. i need a MEN ONLY forum. but not necessarily a MGTOW or got forbid GAME forum. but 99% of Men Only forums are going to be MGTOW, MRA, or Game.

well, not TRS though. but TRS doesn’t have a relationship section. but they should hahahahaha.

MAYBE I SHOULD START IT hahahahaha.

I think it would go over better than me starting a Neet Section.

but I DO like having a Neet Blog which is very Alt Right!

like women will tell you that college and career is more important than a rel, and encourage people to break up just because theyre YOUNG and those early relships NEVER work out, you have a chance for a great FUTURE by getting into a Top 50 school, so just break up with so and so even though u luv them. bullshit advice like that.

women are so BLUE PILL on things like college. they were encouraging another woman who had left a 45k a year job so she could go back to COLLEGE and become a TEACHER. holy SHIT.  thats exactly the kind of bad advice women give. because you’ll be so glad you got your teaching degree and now make 20k a year with part time sub jobs and no health care. babysitting feral black chirren.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/52xouc/recently_my_girlfriend_20_f_and_i_19_m_of_25/

not a lot of commentary right now. but i want more people to say yeah she is really an ice cold bitch, not “it doesnt matter, youre not entitled to anything.” no, of course he’s not, but IT WOULD BE NICE if she could DIGNIFY A 3 YEAR RELSHIP by not meeting these sleazy new friends, staying up till 6 am, going on tinder right in front of him. show some COURTESY for the HEART you are breaking and the Long Term Relationship you are Single Handedly Ending, I would tell her.

dont tell him “its over, get over it.”

yes of COURSE he should go no contact but give him some moral support at least. damn. judge her behavior as shitty and sleazy!!!!!!! judge her as the bad guy here!!!!!! because she is!!!!!!!!!!!

now i dont talk too much shit about That Woman. Sometimes sure. but not overall. most of this is just me grieving and moaning and whining. but i can’t say what a shitty person she was…….because she wasnt. she was honestly a good decent wholesome person who just dropped the ball here and disappointed me greatly. but it wasnt because she was a shitty, horrible person. she just fight or flight and shut down. she could be a great wife and mother to a different man.

ok i turned off the tv and am listening to beethovens 1st symphony. not sure why. just wanted some classical music symphony fast. something that wasnt too jooish. and that is a symphony.

she doesnt NEED to consider your feelings. again, technically correct, but to tell the guy that…..that is weak womanly advice. no, she doesnt need to, but she SHOULD, after 2-3 YEARS, show him some god damn COMMON COURTESY.

COMMON COURTESY IS A REASONABLE EXPECTATION.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/52wdvu/i_31m_am_having_an_extremely_hard_time_moving_on/

she wants to be just friends, he thinks he needs to go no contact and cant do just friends because she broke up with him and he still wants her. he sees her at bar, is drunk, gets emotional, now he’s the bad guy. come on. meanwhile she’s tweeting about fooking strangers off tinder. god damn. so he’s supposed to be cool with the love of his life dumping him and fooking randos. and hes the bad guy for getting upset once. come on.

COMMON COURTESY from the woman is a reasonable expectation. not tweeting about EVIL DEGENERATE NIHILISTIC SOCIOPATHIC casual secs and being a filthy, degenerate whore. he has every right to be upset. yes he should go no contact.

so yeah. whatever happened to common courtesy. human decency. early termination fee. treat the person youre dumping with respect and kindness because THIS HURTS THEM.

casual secs IS unqualifiably degenerate, and she wants to throw away something good and wholesome, to do degenerate filth. of course he has a right to be upset.

at the very least she shouldn’t be pushing him to be friends, to understand that he is hurt, and needs no contact.

what did SHE do when Chad dumped her? probably some really shameful things trying to get chad back! and then fooked a bunch of casuals when chad laughed in her face!

now she’s pissed at the guy SHE dumped because he’s having a hard time with it? what a fookin coont!!!!!

and when this bitch on reddit says yeah you did act like an asshole, he responded with yeah i know i feel so bad about it, i know i should apologize to her etc etc. i downvoted the bitch hahaha.

common courtesy. human decency. part of the social contract of having a relship is NOT BEING A PIECE OF SHIT WHEN YOU END THE REL.

HAVING THE RIGHT TO SINGLE HANDEDLY END THE REL SHOULD COME WITH THE RESPONSIBILITY OF NOT BEING A PIECE OF SHIT WHEN YOU END IT. 

so many women didnt get that memo. too immature.

and i dont care if i am making a should statement. THIS SHOULD BE A SHOULD STATEMENT!!!!!

STAND FOR SOMETHING OR YOU WILL FALL FOR ANYTHING.

STAND UP FOR WHATS RIGHT, GOOD, JUST, TRUE, AND BEAUTIFUL.

DONT BE A PIECE OF SHIT.

DONT BE A NIHILISTIC SOCIOPATH.

DONT BE A JOO.

now that is the type of lecturing i can support!

i would be a great lecturer. sermonizer.

oh but they broke up 4 months ago so everybody should be KEWL, thats plenty of time to get comfortable with the love of your life dumping you, without willing to work on it, and fook randoms, and youre the bad guy to get upset at that and not want to be her platonic friend and hear about her degen secs life. god damn fooking degenerates. i am this close to private messaging the guy and telling him he is totally in the right and not to listen to that bitch that said “he definitely fooked up”. fook that bitch!

RELATIONSHIP BILL OF RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES.

you HAVE to include the Ending Terms in their too.

THE ENDING IS PART OF THE RELATIONSHIP.

so yeah it IS her concern, it IS her business. if she can end it on her whim, then she has to put forth good faith, good will, and effort to do the WORK necessary to end it at her whim. and that involves human decency, common courtesy, and not being a piece of shit. wow. i guess if you ask for that, then you are the bad guy.

you’re the bad guy if you think casual secs is degenerate and bad and a terrible way to finish off a beautiful LTR.

cuz its all the same, theres no good or bad or right or wrong.

and this is 30 year old people with professional careers, level 2 and above making 60k a year, saying all this disgusting shit.

FOOK THIS GAY EARTH!

and she has NO IDEA why the guy is upset! unbelievable! a 29 year old woman with the maturity of a 12 year old and she makes more money than i ever will!!!! unbelieveable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED!!!

DUMP PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE DUMPED!!!!!

how can all these WOMEN not even BEGIN to understand that????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

no not all women. but a good 50% of them hahahahaha.

half of them are in this basket of deplorables hahahahahaha

its amazing you have to shout these Things I Learned In Kindergarten to Grown Fooking Women.

well remember its not all women. only HALF of women, hahaha.

oh but the ending isnt part of the relationship, these sneaky little j’s claim. i dont have ANY responsibilities the second i say “im done” and walk out.

that is an extremely JOOISH view of humanity and human relations. all these sneaky little loopholes, just like a joo trying to joo you out of service. sorry goy thats not in the contract. here’s the thing, there is no real contract. no exchanges, no refunds, no service, thanks for the money, chump!

theyve turned our women into sneaky little joos!!!!!!

i dont want to talk to women, i dont want to read womens stupid thoughts. the only time i will listen to a woman is if she is being NICE and PLEASANT. women CAN be good at that when they want to be. having just utterly harmless, charming, nice small talk, just being damn NICE. its really not that hard. doesnt take a lot of effort, energy, or creativity. just be nice. dont be an annoying, unscrupulous joo.

sept 2016: i keep hearing hearsay that millennial woes got a ladyfriend and that it is makign him more confident and masculine. I HOPE SO!!! GOOD FOR YOU LAD!!!!!!

I luv MW but havent listened to him lately cuz i dont luv the hangouts. anyway i would be VERY happy if he got a nondegen waifu, he DESERVES a good waifu, and indeed it would help him become an even better man…..as waifus can potentially do. shit it would help ME!

sept 16

yeah so i dont care that mw had a gay past, except that it makes him kinda neurotic and despairing and has consequences for his current mental/emo health, but he can certainly mitigate those consequences, and i believe he has done that. now i just hope his gf isnt a degen bitch who dumps him and breaks his heart because that could really set him back. i know. hahahahaha. remember he also fell in luv with a WOMAN before and when she rejected him, that broke his heart for YEARS and that hurt him a LOT. ive been there hahahaha.

i mean yeah this is what i am obsessed with. muh white whale. muh wheelhouse. relships between men and women. period. that is what i should do my career in. period.

so funny. for most normies this is just an accepted part of life. you get a gf and bang and sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesnt, but you just keep going until at age 25 you find someone you could probably marry and then you marry them, have children, and maybe they divorce you in 5-10 years.

but theres no need to study and obsess and analyze because you know you have the tools to be in a serious LTR because you’ve been in them before or you’re in one now!

since i have never been, i just don’t know that i have the Tools. and that is part of my obsession, studying How Women Are, and How Men Are, and the nuts and bolts of communication, problem solving etc.

when REALLY, i probably ALREADY HAVE the Tools i need, i just havent found the right woman. who is willing to let me use those tools hahaha.  because they were never WILLING. they were not OPEN, they just wanted to WALK AWAY. because they Just Werent That Into Me. but it they WERE, then I would have the Tools and the Communication Skills to make it last at least a year!

but yeah these normie women are like ROBOTS. date a guy, fook him, fall in “luv”, get some abortions, fall out of luv, dump him, and IMMEDIATELY start the whole process again with a new guy. it sounds both EXHAUSTING and DISGUSTING. how can you do that? how can people be so interchangeable to you? how can this “closeness” be so casual and meaningless????!!?!?! its NIHILISTIC AND SOCIOPATHIC!!!! and exhausting and disgusting hahaha and grotesque and horrifying, very blackpill.

but maybe IM the fooked up one because i take this shit too SERIOUSLY!!!!! and when i get heartbroken it takes TWO YEARS to get over them! whereas with NORMIES it takes 2 months before they are fooking other degens!

hehehehe i luv muh waifus literally TWELVE TIMES more than normie degen women luv their men!!!!!

but yeah it makes me think that normie degens incl half of women just dont Luv People the same way I do. or at least at much less of an intensity. And when the difference in Degree is Twelvefold, it may as well be a difference in Kind!!!! a different kind of luv!!!!!!!!

and how do you have a real sustainable LTR when you luv them TWELVE TIMES more than they luv you??!?!?!

that gives them absolute power over you and spells IMMINENT DOOM for the rel. period. they WILL leave you and you WILL be devastated for the next 2 years. what a terrible way to LIVE hahahaha.

basically i need to find another WEIRDO whos luv meter is turned way up to 12 in order to have a lasting thing where i dont get dumped because a huge interest mismatch!!!!

heh all this is not productive writing at all. it is pretty much a nonstop circle of Negative Thoughts. and i need to Rip Out negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts, by any means necessary.

even at the expense of Truth!

like how i should replace all thoughts of That Woman with This Other Woman I know who is very very nice and wholesome and is getting married soon. just cut and paste. i should also cut and paste with some sort of positive replacement to the negative thoughts that FILL this blog.

powerwalking is good.

well, not ALL of this post is bad!

WHEN I AM MAKING SERMONIZING STATEMENTS LIKE THIS, those are usually pretty good. even the righteous anger ones. there is nothing inherently negative about righteous anger!

despair, however, yes. that is INHERENTLY BAD.

righteous anger good. despair bad.

so, when i am going into despair or other negative realm, then switch it with something positive: thinking of this wholesome woman, statements of righteous anger, powerwalking, or something productive like Job Searching. cranking out the Apps. getting closer to 500-600. how about 550 hahahahahaha.

job apps themselves cause both righteous anger (good) and despair (bad.) i guess the solution there is, once again, maximize the good and minimize the bad.

turn the brain from a negative thought machine, to a negative thought killing machine!!!!!

so here is a remaster of ulvers classic nattens madrigal. i dont usually like remasters and i dont have anything against the intentionally raw production of the original, which is really not that bad………BUT my concern is literally for hearing and ear health. you could literally damage your hearing with this album, even though it is actually very clear in terms of being able to comprehend and ingest the music. and is quite listenable!

but that high end is just so maxed out that it hurts the ear. i feel this 2014 remaster might be a bit more forgiving while jsut as listenable.

its also got demo versions of some of the tracks which is great. the demos sound great EXCEPT they dont have any vocals, and garm was truly a gifted BM singer.

it just sucks thinking that all of your life goals:  getting a good waifu, having children, and having a job to support that family that doesnt drive you to self-destructive madness, that all these goals are out of your reach. the best you can hope for is a 12 dollar an hour deadend job and then you get your outside-of-work satisfaction by smoking MJ, powerwalking, listening to podcasts and music, and dnating to 1488 causes. which are not bad things, well probably the MJ is, but you just cant stop thinking about the nice waifu and the family you want to have, but youre just too old and fooked up to be able to attain that.

ok stop those are despairing thoughts, lets replace them with righteous anger or job seraching or powerwalking or other positive thoughts or actions.

well i just came back from a 4.2 miles powewalk. listened to natt’s alcoholocaust ep 1 which wasnt as good as i expected. its just a mess and i cant even understand the bantz. i mean these are all good guys but still.

garm was 20 years old when they did nattens madrigal damn. now did he actually write the guitar riffs and such? i mean that is pretty important to me hahahaha. or was it that guy haavard who went on to do nothing special afterwards? i am sure garm knows how to handle a guitar, its really not hard, the important thing is having some sense of songwriting skill, which i never really had, and which i am sure he does.

ok i am gonna apply to this health system job, and while doing so, update my cover letter, which will add about 15 minutes or 10 to the apply time, but i have to measure this WORK somehow. because it is important, measureable, billable, measureable, timeable work that I am totally entitled to COUNT.

un fooking believeable. a super huge application, already at 45 minutes, longest ever, doing a phaggy ass personality test and intelligence test, when the internet goes out in the middle of the test. i am actually happy to do intelligence tests to prove that i am intelligent, and if it gives me like a 1 in 10 chance of getting an interview (as opposed to the usual 1 in 25 chance)….but god damn this is frustrating.

had to reboot compt to get internet connected again. i blame windows 10. 77 minutes total. a new record!

ok. assuming 15% of the job application time could be added to calculated how much time it takes to FIND the jobs (ie, going through lists, reading postings, and decided yes i should apply, vs, no way, dont even waste your time), in other words, about 2 minutes for every 13 minute application, ie 15 minutes total; and 1.5 hours spent on each interview (prob a little low tbh; we are including travel time, interview time, and im not sure about prep/study time), for 18.5 interviews, and 418 applications, we are up to  132 hours total for the entire job search. really a little LOW tbh fam. on $1716 worth of time at $13 an hor, although more realistically my price should be more like 12 an hour.

sorry i meant 419 jobs so far. please dont fire me.

so i was listening to the am grey podcast on feminism, and adams waifu said she was disturbed seeing a man and a woman holding hands where the womans hand was on top, and they used that as a powerful symbol that men are passive and not leading anymore.

i thought DAMN, the women I’ve been associated with would just DUMP ME before even GETTING to that point!!!!!

they wouldnt stick around long enough to LET that happen! they would have ALREADY dumped me for being a wimpy passive spineless doormat!

so why are these women not just walking out on these men? wouldn’t they get disgusted the first time they put their hand on top, and say, im done with you, you weak wimp?

that was what i was asking. i have been dumped for MUCH LESS. why are these women staying with these phaggots in the first place?

i cant even remember how i held hands with women, its been like 11 years since i held hands with a woman hahahaha.

saw a profile picture on soundcloud of somebody who photoshopped dat boi into the famous vietnam photo of the running people being napalmed and the little naked girl. dat boi had replaced the naked girl.

ok finally found it

2016-09-16_20h39_22

YOURE WELCOME hahahahaha

updated Standard Cover Letter with Sentence explaining Employment Gap. ok there. not much more I can do about that. But I think its a small, maybe larger than small, improvement on something that was already damn good and should be more than enough to get me a 13 an hour job.

ok i swear i wont go lower than 12 an hour hahahaha.  so i guess i am at 12-13 now depending on my mood hahahaha.

good thing SHE is making like 16 an hour!

but i dont know that!

but there’s a 75% chance she is!

ok so what does it MATTER then?

because like i said 100000000000000000 times, i dont like her BEATING me at the game of life!

why not?

because i hate her proving she is BETTER than me.  because it adds INSULT TO INJURY.

why?

because she injured me, now she is insulting me.

why?

see now we are getting into the circular part.

yeah i know THEORETICALLY it doesnt matter.

but IN THE REAL WORLD, it ABSOLUTELY DOES MATTER how much money people make, and how women view men who make less money than they do. they view them as totally worthless and inferior.

i dont view people in those terms. but im not a woman. im not PROGRAMMED to care about status in that way!

i mean as a male i do care about ranking and hierarchy………but not in that same visceral sexual or loving way. i know what peoples status is In The Real World, but I know it has no real bearing on their worth as a person.

but it has VERY REAL BEARING on their worth in the MATING MARKET!!!!!!!!1

and the mating market is VERY important to me because one of my MAIN LIFE GOALS is to find  a good wife and have CHILDREN!!!!!!!!

so thats WHY all this shit MATTERS so much!!!!!!!

i am apparently an abuser because i notice slutty behavior and call sluts sluts. thats what abusers do. nonabusers dont have the word slut in their vocabulary hahahaha.

SERIAL MONOGAMY IS JUST CHEATING WITHOUT THE CHEATING / THE MANS FAULT BY DEFAULT / SO WILLING TO LOSE ME

feb 28

welp started the day off with some decent cleaning, got a big bag of stuff to throw away, and got another bag of stuff to donate. i am not a hoarder but i still have a ton of stuff just sitting there for years and years. some of the stuff reminds me of my degenerate and failed past….so i throw it away. if its donatable, i might donate it unless its too degenerate hahahaha. like books and cds and dvds or shit. cassettes and vhs i would prob just throw away.

mantras include:

i dont want her. i dont want her. i do NOT want her.

i will let go of her.

i am DONE with her.

i didnt do anything BAD/WRONG.

this is not my FAULT.

of course its good to admit responsibility and FAULT when you fook something up. and certainly i was not PERFECT. but to say the whole thing was my FAULT is inaccurate. really the root cause was the same as it ever was: she just wasnt interested in me That Way. how I handled it was not great, and how she handled it was insanely incomprehensibly catastrophically godawful.

well see i DO admit responsibility for the stuff that i screwed up. i just dont think warranted what she did in response.

not all women are like that hehehehe. some women will put forth an effort and try not to hurt you.

tricky response: yeah, SHE was like that, with OTHER men, just not with ME. therefore, it must be something wrong with ME.

what is the rational or at least healthier response to that: well last time i had a big rejection in 2012, the woman made an effort to do the right thing, and i dont think i screwed up any worse this time than i did last time. her response was just totally different. different women are different hehehehe.

its like when single momz who fall for badboyz say, i dont want a BOY, i want a MAN, i guess referring to the maturity level of the guy.

some guys are defnitely immature, but some guys are definitely mature and great and awesome.

many women are definitely insanely immature….but some are more mature.

some men would make horrible fathers and abandon their wives and children; some men are obviously great fathers and great men.

same thing with women. some women would make horrible wives and mothers, some dont.

bbbbbbut she could have been such a good wife and mother!!!! she would have been a great wife and mother to that other guy who didnt luv her back!!!!! and me and her got along as friends soooooooooooooooooooooooooo well!!!! couldnt we just get along like that, only at The Next Level??!!?!?!

apparently not. i thought we could. she thought no fooking way.

i guess if some stranger treated me bad, i wouldnt think it was my fault. or if they were “just a friend” i wouldnt get AS emotional. but when someone you LUV treats you badly, you think, o god what did i do wrong?

but then i thought, whys SHE so mad? she wouldnt be so mad unless she had some kind of feelings for me too! but maybe she just doesnt realize it. women are very subconscious like that. they have many powerful motives that are hidden to them, like the reality of what qualities they are attracted to, hypergamy, hating weak men ahhahaha. they will never admit that because they dont really KNOW about it. its hind brain lizard brain stuff they dont understand ahahaha.

i dunno. i just wish they were nicer when they dumped me hahaha. well some have been!

and this was just extra devastating because i felt closer to this person. we werent just going through the short term relationship simulator.

good lord. ask your darn MOM the best way to dump a NiceGuy Pussy. she might not be perfect either but she probably knows how to do that. she prefers badboys too, she understands hahahaha. but she would probably be better about not BLATANTLY breaking niceguys hearts.

realize what youre doing, wanting out of the rel while they want in, is inherently selfish, and inherently hurtful. theres no way around it. so take up the responsibility that goes along with the right to end a relationship at your will alone.

maybe pay the early termination fee to show some more good faith. just give me 1000 bucks.

well i never dumped anyone before. you know she probably WAS aware of all this. and it probably made her feel scared and overwhelmed to the point where she ran away from that.

she probably said i dont really want to hurt him. but i cant deal with facing him.

and of course in doing that she hurt me MORE than if she had just said something to me. at all. even an email hahaha.

yeah i never dumped someone. i am also a confrontation avoider. i dont WANT to hurt people.

heh. theres an interesting though: she did this because she DIDNT WANT TO HURT ME, and just avoided it altogether, which resulted in HURTING ME MORE than if she had just told me.

lesson: avoiding the person hurts them MORE.

anyway yeah i would be prone to avoiding too. i guess i can understand and forgive.

https://archive.is/BNUvl

dalrock: ” Marriage lite: mistaking “No sex before monogamy” for a moral statement ”

he does pingbacks and though i like and endorse dalrock, i just dont want pingbacks to my blog on other peoples pages hahaha.

also he is a good writer, but its confusing to discern his sophisticated points, and imho, roissy is the better writer.

anyway i think dalrocks point here is that serial monogamy is immoral and a form of immoral promiscuity, although serial monogamy is much easier to make excuses for especially for christians.

i will probably be increasingly pro-christian for the rest of my life; but i like to look for the nonreligious explanations of morality nonetheless, to not use religion as a proxy for morality. some people are very religious but can still find religious excuses for being immoral. religious loopholes. i dont like that. something is not just immoral because god doesnt like it; its immoral because it hurts people and or debases you or others. immorality is inherently immoral and that is WHY god doesnt like it.

you should strive to find things immoral for the same reasons that GOD/religion finds them immoral:: because they are INHERENTLY WRONG. not because the SkyDaddy is making up an Arbitrary Rule to restrict yer freedumbs.

basically, GOD has a damn good REASON for forbidding the things that he does. you should try to understand that reason.

so how do i feel about serial monogamy? i think its better than parallel nonmongamy, ie dating/fooking several people at once; its better than cheating; but it still kinda sucks. because it means you have someone LINED UP from your STABLE and are ready to go with them the INSTANT you break it off with the previous guy. or gurl hahahahahaha. meaning you checked out of your previous rel long before you broke it off, and didnt make an effort to fix things with that person. you were just looking for the right moment to leave. monkey branching. branch swinging.

it debases the other person because it treats them as disposable garbage, and says this relationship wasnt worth enough to you to take some TIME on it afterwards and reflect and learn and just be Single and get over him. it meant you were already over him, unavailable to him, and starting to be available to others. its a damn slippery slope to cheating. its cheating without the cheating hahahaha.

take some TIME to process the relationship, the death of something and someone that should matter to you, before you jump into something else. usually with sex on the offer within 6 dates at MOST, more likely 3, and god forbid 1.

look for the comment by “joe blow” on the dalrock article. trying to boil things down as lessons he would teach his son. realize that roissy is stripping the MORALITY away from things, which is not good imho. we should ALWAYS be concerned with morality. find a woman who is likewise concerned with morality. morality is important as FOOK.

roissy says women in love are like beta men. WOW. immoral though he is, this is a great and true statement. they willfully submit to luv, they will be heartbroken if dumped, they probably want to put lots of effort in, they are committed for the long haul, in short. they care about your feelings. they do tuff things for you. they try to talk and work things out. they are somewhat desperate to hold on to you. they cant imagine life without you. they would seriously considering laying down their life for you. love IS beta.

https://archive.is/xjGGa

dalrock: perversion of the word “ABUSE” to mean “anythign the woman doesnt like.” and sometimes the truth hurts. sometimes things take work and struggle and its not FUN. but if you arent constantly making her haaaaaaaappy and are annoying her, then its EMOTIONAL ABUSE.

and if you are like me, you would be HORRIFIED to be accused of any kind of abuse!!!!!

https://archive.is/KbSO2

the temptation for wives to claim abuse; EVERYTHING is “ABUSE”

now that woman never accused me of abuse but it certainly crossed my mind.

if you say youre not an abuser, then youre an abuser in denial. if you say you are an abuser, well you heard it straight from the horses mouth, hes an abuser!

http://archive.is/pVv34

similar.

everything is abuse, everything is neglect, not making her haaaaaaaaaappy is abandonment and abuse and neglect and Manipulation and Controlling.

these are not accusations to throw around lightly!!!!!!

i and other niceguy pushy doormat lower betas like me will never be accused of Raep, but it is entirely possible, and much more probable, that we will be accused of Nonphysical ABUSE. That we really didnt commit. and then hate ourselves for being such evil abusers.

in the manosphere they talk about false raep accusations all the time, but i think false ABUSE accusations are even worse. much more likely for the average man to face.

well, im not falsely accusing her of falsely accusing me of abuse hehehehe. she didnt accuse me ANYTHING.

but my mind was throw into overanalysing obsessing overdrive. i thought she might Wrongly Think I was abusive. i wrongly accused MYSELF of abuse!!! did i abuse her???

well NOW its OBVIOUS that i didnt abuse her.

well that was ALWAYS kinda obvious. but i worried that i was being MANIPULATIVE and DECEPTIVE. or i wasnt sure if i had BETRAYED her or not. and betrayers are in the lowest circle of hell hahahaha. its a terrible sin to betray someone, a TERRIBLE sin, and i dont want to betray ANYONE!!!!!!

anyway im not accusing her of anything and she hasnt accused me of anything. maybe she does in private, but never to me. i just dont know ANYTHING about what she is thinking about me. now, prob NOTHING. i am dead and gone to her. wow. looks like i made a real big imapct on her life, was a real important person to her, eh?

yeah well at one time i was. at one time our friendship was very mutual and two sided.

i just dont like being THROWN AWAY, and i suspect that NO ONE does. not even dirty sluts.

and i dont have the highest self esteem anyway. i have a lot of self loathing. and i STILL doing like being treated like garbage!!!!!!!!!!

http://theothermccain.com/2015/08/31/hit-it-and-quit-it-on-tinder/

”  No decent parent would ever want their daughter to be offering herself to random strangers online, and decent parents would be horrified if their son brought home a woman he’d picked up that way. “Tinder trash” for a daughter-in-law? No, son. Leave those trashy women alone.
Remember that herpes is incurable, 21% of women are infected, and I’ll bet the rate of herpes infection is even higher on Tinder.  ”

referring to:

http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/08/tinder-hook-up-culture-end-of-dating

DEGENERATE.

theres some marxist feminist shit in vanity fair OBVIOUSLY but it still paints a degen picture. gurls having secs on the first date, guys having 40 partners in a year, 3 partners in a week. the young girls say some sensible things and the men are portrayed as brutes. but i would say Women are just as good as men in Caring Less, in the Who Cares Less competition.

not sure how cool this RS mccain is, but he was banned permanently from twitter for….some kind of wrongthink. but he might be a neocohen or cuck hahahahaha. but being banned from twitter is a good signal.

also, this is NYC, manhattan no less, full of degenerate young ivy league ibankers and patrick bateman types and the women who want them. these are not normal people. these are outliers of degeneracy.

so tinder is probably somewhat less degenerate here in flyover country, but how much?

how many guys has SHE gotten with from tinder? okcupid? how long does she wait before giving up the secs? does she have herpes now? 21% chance hahahaha. when some guy says i want to throat fook you and jizz on your face, your only a mile away, give me your location and i will be there in 30 minutes to fook”, does she say yes?

DEGENERATE.

dont give sex until youve gotten the mans commitment.

women are the gatekeepers of sex, men are the gatekeepers of commitment. this will NEVER be false. this is human nature. and women have lost sight of this. they need their fathers to teach them. i think men havent forgotten their role though. but it doesnt stop them from taking sex freely offered!! and they just wont commit to any woman, because theres no woman WORTH committing to!

heh. that vanity fair article was triggering. i mean what do you expect from an Oven Middle Class SWPL piece of shit like that hahahaha.

GET IN THE OVEN.

but yeah just the description of these tinder using degenerates is so degenerate. why dont they just STAHP doing this before theyve had secs with 40 guys? they talk to that degenerate christopher ryan who wrote the degenerate book “sex at dawn” and he actually had a good point, that these apps make it too EASY to overindulge and leads to “psychosexual obesity.” good line there. ive often compared promiscuity to GLUTTONY. dont be a GLUTTON and indulge your Appetite and stuff your face. its like a fat slob, or a drunk, or drug addict. SHAMEFUL. shows no self control. degenerate.

and i hate to think of My Perfect Wife going on tinder. just being so goddamn naive. she really needed a father. shame on her father for abandoning her.

i hypothesized that maybe she viewed ME as a father figure. maybe even i subconsciously ENJOYED it. i dunno. maybe it was just simple white knighting for the fatherless gurl. she needs a man to care for her and lead her. love her and lead her. i was happy to do this. i just needed some luv back once in a while. some commitment.

i think this is just part of the natural husband role. love and lead your wife.

what does she do when she gets dick picks from these perverts? or dirty messages saying AYYYY BABY WAN SUM FUKKKK? does she meet up with the black guys? guys who have their shirts off in the pics? guys that any decent father would be able to tell her, stay away from that sleazebag? her mothers smart enough, couldnt SHE tell her to stay away from these guys? she is very close with her mother. why doesnt her mother say you wont find any decent guys on that shit, dont get into that shit. stay off that shit. no daughter of mine is gonna be a tinder slut. when the father is absent, the mother can still say that.

its not even like she was a wild child rebellious youth either, banging badboys at age 16. she had only been with ONE GUY until it ended when she was fooking 24. was with him from like age 19 to 24. the prime of youth!!!!!

ONE GUY!!!!!! yeah that is super important to me, so its NO SURPRISE i got feelings for her. since i place such importance on chastity and innocence and purity and not being promiscuous. she fit that criteria in a BIG way. she REALLY sored high on that metric hahaha. so therefore its not surprising at all i got feelings for her.

so it sucks to see her on the borderline of becoming a slut now. when you thought she was out of the woods. who BECOMES a slut at age 25? answer: the women that didnt become sluts before 25 hahahahaha. if a gurl is not a slut during college, what a miracle, she can become a slut postcollege after she starts her career and gets lonely. Enter Tinder and Degenerate online shit.

i hate viewing women as immature infants who have no agency in all this. yeah women are naturally more immature and infantile than men which is why they need mens protection; from their fathers when they are children and from their husbands when they are adults; and that the white knight drive in men is healthy and natural, being protectors both as husbands and then as fathers; but do women have to be COMPLETE infants who have NO agency or control? i would like to think there is a happy medium.

so because women have no agency, anything that happens in a rel is by default, the mans fault.

its like fook i cant read your mind. i know you have been distant but you say other things like yes i miss you too we will hang out soon dont worry. but how i am i supposed to know you dnt really mean that? apart from the obvious writing on the wall hahahaha actions speaking much louder than words. ok i SHOULD have know. but i was blinded by muh feelings.

heh some say the manosphere are Equalists because they want men and women to be treated the same, holding women to the same standard as men, when you just cant, people arent Equal or the Same, men and women are different. i agree men and women are very different. but that they ideall complement each other. i think this is what is called “complementarianism” hahahaha.

http://archive.is/IIQbN

women are the ones who want to avoid commitment. pretty great post there from dalrock. quote:::

Early in the sexual revolution there was some level of stability for serial monogamy. This was because there was still some inertia keeping women from feeling comfortable hopping from man to man. But over time women have felt more and more free to enter and exit sexual relationships at will.

In reality, what exactly differentiates a LTR from a hookup? Is it fair for a man or a woman to have an expectation that their “Long Term Relationship” will be in tact an hour from now, tomorrow, or next week? Is either party judged for deciding at any moment in the relationship that it no longer exists? If either party can terminate the relationship at will simply by voicing their preference, where exactly is the commitment?

Long Term Relationships actually have no term and no commitment. The only way you can violate the agreement is if you get involved with someone else without a courtesy call to the other party first. Tell me if I’m getting this wrong.

Men are consciously or unconsciously starting to recognize this and acting accordingly. The hookup culture is really just men finally adjusting to the rules women have been playing by for quite some time. Now both will get what they want from the “relationship” for so long as it pleases them, and then end it when they wish. The only question is if it pleases them for an hour, a night, a month, a year, or a decade. As men become wise to the lack of commitment they are in turn withdrawing their investment.

Behold: hookup culture.

ie, its not a REAL committment if you can just walk out whenever you want. commitment is hard and takes work. you have to be wiling to do that work. women complain that men arent willing to do that work but my experience has been exactly the opposite hahaha. i was more than willing to work, and the woman wasnt.

doesnt mean there arent plenty of men out there who dont want to commit. well prob because the woman isnt worth committing to. she gave it up too soon and is not a good mother of your children type woman.

i dunno. i might be wrong about complementarianism. dalrock seems to say it sucks and is kinda weak and man blaming. ok fine hahahaha. i trust dalrock.

smply: WAS I ASKING TOO MUCH of her to ask her to act like a semi-mature adult and not a child? men and women are DIFFERENT – are women even CAPABLE of acting like mature adults? hehehehe well yes she acted like a mature adult before. but that was with men who took no shit from her.

so by being a weak man, i therefore did not DESERVE to have her be MATURE to me?

oh god.

so yeah on a sexless human level, no one deserves to get thrown away…… but on a man woman level, knowing that men and women are super different in what they react to, how they react, yes this really is my fault for not being a proper man? and she only reacted as a woman could be expected to react to that?

yeah ok i can see the point but really all i was asking for was an Ethical Dumping. come on. its a small gesture with a big impact.

i wasnt a Perfect Strong Man with the other women. but they still treated me better. so theres my proof. even within the world of man woman bullshit, you can be a weak doormat omega women and it doesnt mean women HAVE to treat you like A Nobody when they Dump You.

well they were just being super nice!! most women arent that NICE!!!!

heh i sure didnt think they were NICE at the time. and even now i would rather call them Average instead of SUPER NICE. just be AVERAGE nice. thats all i wanted.

i mean women arent known for their COURAGE sure, but if these gurls could summon up the courage, then so could any woman. i am particularly thinking of an 18 year old crazy bipolar slut, a 22 year old crazy slut, and a 24 year old decent not too crazy nonslut. they all managed to be nice enough.

well i still learned a lesson about putting my damn foot down. i will not make this mistake again. its really all about communication.

feb 29

sheeeeeeit. its just hard adjusting to life. the feeling that you screwed up the most important rel youve had in many years, she could have been The One if you hadnt screwed it up, maybe you didnt do any severe crimes, but you still screwed it up, if you were better she wouldnt have LEFT you, now youll never find someone you get along with as well, who’s as young and pretty and nonslutty, who you LOVE as much.

shit yeah it takes TIME to get over a BROKEN HEART. thats why i dont trust serial monogamy bitches. there is NO WAY i could Honestly Ethically Date another person right now. I still want HER.

I DONT WANT HER. I DONT WANT HER. IM DONE WITH HER. IM DONE WITH HER.

hehehehehe mantras.

but yeah i am not done with her enough to be fully open and available to someone else.

i mean maybe if i was banging 3 new hawt 24 year olds every week from tinder in NYC hahahahaha. in NYC, everyone is normal weight / not fat, good looking, under 30, no single momz, anddddddddd degenerate as fook, immoral as fook, in a modern day sodom and gomorrah.

mar 1

viceland the new vice tv network is absolutely the most degenerate thing i have ever seen. all degenerate, all the time. nothing but the most punchable shitlib faces ever. normalizing perversity and degeneracy. anti male, anti white, anti str8, thoroughly pozzed and j00ified in the worst brooklyn hipster way. like we are so cool and hip and edgy. its like mtv trying to be serious but even worse. however i cant take my eyes off it. however i feel that will gradually poison me. i mean its like pornography. well….not quite. but it is constant stream of degeneracy. you guessed it – ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

yeah i just wanted to have some devotion and commitment from a woman. to be shown some real luv essentially. to have a woman luv me enough to show some courage for me, to be devoted to me, to do some work for me, to not be SO WILLING TO LOSE ME.

when we were just friends, she did show me a lot of luv. she was sweet and gentle and warm and interested and she wanted to hang out with ME. SHE would invite me and initiate sometimes. I was more of a priority for her. she CARED and she SHOWED it through her actions. i could tell. and I liked being on the receiving end of that.

so yeah its no surprised that i got hooked on that feeling and wanted more of it, more of HER. i thought if she can be this sweet and loving and supportive and awesome as a friend, imagine how great she would be as a GF! this is wife and mother of your children potential! someone who just really LUVS you and is truly committed to you and would walk with you thru the depths of hell. love and commitment.

i saw that she was totally devoted to her BF and she wasnt gonna walk out on him! she luved him and wanted to make it work with him. in the end it was HIM to decided to get out, not her. essentially i wanted to take his place and get some of that luv myself. because ultimately i was in luv with her and felt she was the one, we got along so well, good friends, she cared about me, i cared about her, well now that hes gone and youre single, lets try to hang out more. hehehehe. yeah i can see how it would look OPPORTUNISTIC on my part. it kinda WAS.

but fact is, i didnt LET myself get feelings for her while she was with her BF because i wanted THEM to work it out; also i didnt hang out with her TOO much while she was with her BF, i didnt go all in, because i didnt want to interfere, i didnt want to get TOO close, i didnt want to develop feelings, plus i didnt think it was right that a Taken Woman gets so Intimate with other men outside of her BF. it is emotional cheating and i didnt want to be a part of that.

apparently vice tv lets their degenerate show hosts smoke blunts right on camera hahaha. well not surprising since they have a whole show devoted to glorifying weed as a miracle medicine and showing kids getting wasted on super potent thc oil. well they have cancer and i guess they have a reason to take it. i guess my problem is actually showing the kids getting all stoned, and then vice saying, this is awesome and beautiful. and then giving credence to the view that mj not only helps the symptoms of cancer…….but that it actually CURES cancer. only a fooking degenerate pothead would think that.

who knows. maybe it DOES actually cure cancer. in which case i would be more for it.  how can they not have research to support that. not that i trust ((((research)))) either hahahaha. muh SCIENCE!!!! is fooking awesome!!! you fooking racist theist shitlord skygod  believer!!!!

heh yesterday i actually got -7 net calories. first time that ever happened. ate like 1000 calories (not officially recommended hahaha) and burned 1007 calories, a new high at the gym. so thats kewl. basically one hour doing slow jogging at 4.8 mph as much as i could, for the better part of an hour; and then a second hour with a focus on the incline hahaha. i should be LIFTING moar but at least i am in there. a year ago i was too scared to go to the gym. now im just scared to lift at the gym hahahaha.

good lord the gurls there. the clothes they wear are more revealing than me in my Underwear. its just fooking INDECENT. WOMEN SHOULDNT DRESS LIKE THIS, EVER. yet this is NORMAL for the gym! and often they wear gym style stuff outside of the gym: skin tight pants, etc. and these are 20 year old gurls. COME ON. their fathers have failed. failed as fathers, failed these women.

anyway. yeah.  i was just devastated that the sweet caring supportive loving woman i once knew, who genuinely liked and cared for me as a person, just shut off that caring without even taking to me.

YES I KNOW its kinda UNFAIR to get feelings for a friend. but i know that you cant choose feelings. i guess you can sorta keep feelings from happening, but once they happen, uhhh then that horse is out of the barn and its never going back in!!!!!!

its UNFAIR, its AWKWARD, but its not bad or hostile or abusive or wrong or a crime or misdemeanor or felony.

why cant you just say AWWWW, but im sorry, i cant. like any average woman would? how hard is that???!!?!??!

i dunno. i dont think someone getting feelings for you is grounds for you to not treat them like a human being, especially when you treated them as a valued, important human being before. i liked being IMPORTANT to her. and she would act like i was important to her, in the very nice way she treated me. i really liked that. i tried to treat her nice too. then i got feelings and treated her TOO nice and she backed away and that was it. you can back away, but at least respect the relationship we had and the way you once felt towards me. involve me in your decision to exit the rel hehehe.

i dont think my change of feelings justified SUCH a disconnect between her former niceness and her latter meanness. yeah i changed and you have a right to reject that change but dear god try to spare my feelings and i dunno. for me it was important that she recognized we had a good real important friendship in the past. and i wish she had cared about that feeling more.

its very complicated when you get Feelings for a Friend.

of COURSE it changes the nature of the relationship. of COURSE if the other person doesnt feel the same way, the friendship should probably end or at least go on hiatus. but i just dont think you should end it without any communication, any sharing of feelings. i just wanted to be heard, and have a chance to make myself understood. i mean she was not the sharpest and there was a real risk of her not understanding this. but at least give me a chance to explain it. i understood it so well and think i could convince even her. mainly, that sometimes peoples feelings change over time, especially when a man and a woman have a good friendship and get along very well and then the woman becomes available after a very long relship. how is this so hard to understand. its really NOT that complicated! i know women like to MAKE shit verly complicated because they LOVE DRAMA. and DRAMA SUCKS. drama is NOT FUN. it is destructive and bad. why would you LIKE drama.

and she DOESNT like drama! another thing i LIKED about her!

so yeah she didnt want to cause drama. she just wanted to avoid a difficult situation.

i do this ALL THE TIME!!!!!! how many times have i AVOIDED doing something i probably should have done? ALL THE TIME!!! if anyone should be able to understand what she did, its me!!!! she avoided talking to me because she DIDNT want drama!

well i argue it wasnt REALLY “drama”, it was an important, necessary conversation……but i can see how someone might confuse it with “drama.”  because it was emotional and complicated and awkward and a big deal. but unlike actual drama, it wasnt manufactured bullshit. it was real, important, and necessary.

but yeah i avoid shit all the time because i just dont want to do it!!!!!! and thats all she did!!!!

i just HOPE i would never do THIS to a person. I like to think i wouldnt. i mean ive never been in the position before. had a friend fall in luv with me, where i didnt like them back.  never had that happen but i HOPE i would treat them better and not be so COWARDLY that i did THIS.

 

ACCEPT THE OCCAM EXPLANATION / RUN AWAY / SLVTDAR

feb 23

had a dream last night with HER in it, but thankfully i dont remember much. i think we were both being passive aggressive to each other: nice on the surface, but not so nice not so far beneath the surface. i think i was trying to get her to hang out and was disappointed she kept avoiding it, and so i was a little upset about that. sound familiar hahahaha.  anyway thank GOD the dream was not too intense. not gonna ruin my day. it was short and i remember very little about it.

are women on christian mingle dotcom less slutty and disgusting than women on okcupid or tinder? it seems tinder skews young which is good…..but young also skews slutty which is bad. problem is, those older women arent any better. they were young sluts once, and you cant undo all those cox they took. now they just might be more slow to the secs because they are looking for a REAL MAN to support their bastard kids from a badboy. they are now old and mature enough to make YOU pay for the casual sex of their Slut Past. NOPE.

of course i hate casual sex, but i also dont like it when women give it away to everybody (but me hahaha) when they are young, then try to pretend they are a Decent Marriageable Woman when they get older. near 30.

its not like praying the gay away hahahaha. you just cant pray the slut past away hahahaha.

this is why i prefer women who were NEVER sluts EVER.  devalue yourself even once, devalue yourself forever. NOT EVEN ONCE.

why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

why commit to a 30 year old with kids who are not yours, when she was giving up dat ass to everyone when she was 20 and looked a lot better? even created New Human Life with some of them?  you kinda HAVE to have children with her to kind of balance the scales……but would you really WANT to? NO! every man wants his children to be born by a woman where her first child is HIS!!!!! you WANT to be the father of a womans FIRST child!!!! pop her child bearing cherry hahahaha. hehehe that sounds degenerate, but its really a beautiful and sacred thing.

POST SHRINK WRAP UP

hehehe been seeing the shrink every 3 weeks. had a decent session today where i went right for what i really wanted to talk about: that person and how can i get over her. dealing with this pain. getting over her. moving on. basically became a talking version of this blog hahahaha.

i told the shrink (LMSW 36 year old woman, not some fancy rich j00ish phd or god forbid md psychiatrist, so “shrink” sends the wrong message. this is a place where REAL Working Class people go, or also court ordered people. real people with real problems, and i would wager some of them get Real Help! I am very satisfied with the quality of muh “therapist” which I believe is what they call themselves. therapist or counselor. social worker hahahaha. clinical social worker.)

my concern that i wanted a dr phil court of relationship law authority to weigh the evidence and say that i didnt do anything WRONG, that i had not done a horrible crime. the shrink played the dr phil role and repeated that i had done nothing wrong. i am a gentle kind person who does not do monstrous things. i didnt do anything bad or horrible and i certainly didnt deserve this.

and rather than take the interpretation that she HATES me and ACCUSES me of doing something WRONG, its really a more LIKELY explanation that she was just like a frightened animal. completely overwhelmed, oh crap i dont know what to do i dunno what to do i dunno what to do, so you run away! run away!!!!!! she didnt know how to deal with it, so she just decided NOT to deal with it AT ALL. just run away from it. doesnt mean she hates me. she probably DOESNT hate me. because we were friends and she appreciated that. but she had NO idea how to deal with the feelings that i was showing. she probably read those signals correctly and said NO. I CANT HANDLE THAT. THIS CANT BE. and decided to run away from it.

shrink said she seems kinda BASIC in that she’s a first level thinker, not gonna overthink stuff too much, and the simplest solution is probably the best here: she just was confused, overwhelmed, and scared, fight or flight kicked it, so she flew. fled. fleed. she prob doesnt HATE me and is not saying i did anything WRONG, although yeah you can see how i could take that interpretation of it. it is a valid interpretation of the event. but not the only one, and probably not the simplest one. and she was a pretty simple person. simple. basic. not the sharpest knife in the drawer. first level. not a deep thinker. not an overthinker. slightly dim and dull. the constant MJ did not help either.

saying that she thought this was a betrayal and hates me…well thats an extra step for a very simple mind. basically she just felt overwhelmed, confused, couldnt deal with it, didnt want to deal with it, and ran away, and is certainly not going to come back to deal with the fallout. just literally avoid it forever and forget about it.

she probably didnt realize how STRONG my feelings were and when it dawned on her exactly how strong they were, she got scared and confused and overwhelmed. it wasnt just some little crush. and yeah i understand how that could be a scary thing, to have someone LOVE you when you dont LOVE them back.

what do you do when you are scared and confused? RUN AWAY! it doesnt mean you hate the person or think they wronged you…..especially when you used to be good longterm friends. she probably DOES feel bad. she’s just too afraid to DEAL with it. she doesnt WANT to deal with it. she wont contact me, and she will block me when i try to contact her. she literally just cant even.

of COURSHE that sucks even more for me, that its like insult on top of injury. that i am hurt MORE by her being a Frightened Animal than by here simply saying sorry i dont feel the same way, sorry.

really i just wanted my FEELINGS ACKNOWLEDGED. rather than blocked. no one INTENDS to harm the one they are dumping…..but dumpings are INHERENTLY painful, so the COURTEOUS thing to do is say, i KNOW this hurts you, and IM SORRY. even if you didnt technically do anything wrong. just be sorry for their pain. show some compassion in the face of their pain. that you are unintentionally causing. acknowledge their feelings as real.

anyway i said i wouldnt be doing any detective work anymore to find any more of her dating profiles.

its not like i did this obsessively, i did it ONCE. well….

i DID try to get on tinder with the intention of finding her. when technical issues stopped me from getting on tinder, i then tried okcupid. found her so fast its not even funny. looked at the profile ONCE. then soon after deactivated my okcupid so i wouldnt look at her profile ever again.

i do not obsessively, constantly look at profiles in other words. i stopped doing that shit when i was 25 or so hahahaha. i mean post rejection. pre rejection, i looked at the fb profiles all the time.

i expressed my displeasure with the Moral Relativism Slippery Slope that nobodys responsible for anything because everythings a matter of perception. NO. some things are literally wrong and are not merely just in your head.

so she did something wrong, but there was probably not malice behind it. she was just a simple creature. i kind of like that in women, because it makes you kinda a protector or patriarch; AND it ensures they wont be concocting elaborate schemes to screw you and hurt you. and will have less complicated hamster rationalizations.

but it also means they sometimes obtusely miss the obvious. or they get scared by complicated things like friends getting feelings and dont know how to deal with it.

just make this problem go away. i cant deal with it.

yeah its kinda shitty of me to do but i just cant deal with it. i just cant talk to him at all. so its shitty of me. so be it, i cant talk to him. yeahs its shitty of me, yeah im sorry to hurt him, but i just CANT talk to him. period. no hate or malice. just total paralysis and fear and running away and avoidance. period.

and there is plenty of explanation why she Is That Way: tough childhood, father abandoned her, that explains everything always. shit yeah its SAD.

but yeah just because she might not HATE me, doesnt mean she secretly wants to talk to me again, she just needs to be Pushed or Approached by me. see how good pushing worked in the past. what i needed to do was say THIS ENDS NOW, enough of this, i want to hang out soon or i will not be happy, you make some TIME for me baby. i want to hang out with you, why dont you want to hang out with me? why are you AVOIDING me INDEFINITELY?

also i looked at a message she sent me in april i think, and she said, and i quote, “OF COURSE WE’LL HANG OUT SOON”. now THAT is the DEFINITION of a MIXED MESSAGE.

to say we’ll hang out soon, and then continue avoiding me for months. MIXED MESSAGE. what was i SUPPOSED to think???? and of course i wanted to hang out. that was my ideal hahahaha. and i had an idealized vision of her, because thats what LUV DOES. you IDEALIZE the other person. put them on a little bit of a PEDESTAL. which is what Kabob Rapist PUA Manospheres dont seem to understand.

i do blame women because women are the gatekeepers of sex, they CONTROL THE SUPPLY. so there would not be these sleazy pickup artists, if there were no sleazy women giving it up to them. the women could just say no. JUST SAY NO TO CASUAL SEX. and i would wager only a very SMALL minoirty of those pickup sleazebags are ACTUAL rapists, in other words, if a woman refuses, the PUA will say ok fine baby, i’ll just go bang some other skank then. he’s not gonna hold the woman down and raep her. they may be degenerate, but theyre not THAT evil.

so yeah just say no to sodomy, ie degenerate sex, casual sex, and then the pua’s will disappear because there wont be any SLUTS to have casual sex with them!!!!

this doesnt absolve pua’s of all responsibility though. they should just say no to sluts. kinda hard for guys to turn down secs though. but still. to make a lifestyle and a whole movement about banging sluts your WHOLE LIFE LONG, thats fooking degenerate. maybe bang a FEW sluts at most, but you should be married to a nice gurl by the time you are 25 and she is 18 hahahaha and then immediately start having children.

as they say on the daily show episode 72

https://radio.therightstuff.biz/2016/02/17/the-daily-shoah-72-peanut-butter-gasmask-sandwiches/

dont Go Your Own Way, rather, Get Your Own Wife!!!!!

basically, being a PUA is like being a r-selected negro. MUH DICKIN your whole life, banging anything that moves, pump and dump, abandoning your children, being a deadbeat, only thinking about MUH DICK. we are BETTER than that.

of course this doesnt mean Man Up And Marry Those Sluts. NEVER Marry a Slut, or even an Ex Slut.

well, unless she is ASHAMED and REPENTANT of her slut days, wasnt TOO big of a slut back then, and could write you a 10,000 word essay right now on Why Slutting Is Bad and Shameful, and you could read it over and say yep she understands. ie not “being a slut is wrong because it makes jesus cry.” NO. of course it DOES, but thats not why its wrong. its wrong because it degrades the sacred purpose of sex and the sacred RESPONSIBILITY of women as life creators.

THINK LESS WITH YOUR CLITORIS AND MORE WITH YOUR UTERUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#ThinkWithYourUterusNotYourClitoris

#TWYUNYC

being a slut is the equivalent of being a MUH DICK PUA. muh clitoris. muh tingles. muh recreational casual no strings attached secs. NO. there SHOULD be strings attached. ALWAYS. strings are GOOD AND NATURAL AND RIGHT AND JUST.

cuz i admit, its HARD to find a woman who hasnt had a Slut Phase when she was Young and Stupid. I did stupid shit when i was young, lots of it, and i regret it now, and i’ve ALREADY written MANY 10,000 word essays on WHY its wrong and shameful to be a damn degenerate hedonist smoking MJ and drinking alcohol all the time, and being a damn coward not grabbing life by the horns, taking the path of least resistance. fook yeah i was a degenerate too, so i have NO RIGHT to turn down sluts.

SLUTS ARE THE BEST I CAN GET hehehehe.

yeah well i still dont like em. i dont care if i dont have the right to not like them hahahaha i will dislike them anyway.

but yeah she was not the sharpest knife in the drawer. part of that came from the MJ but i think part of it was natural too. especially when it came to THinking and Talking about Relationships. i was 9000000000000000 times more articulate and Intelligent than her in this area.

the better interpretation is that she jsut got SCARED, CONFUSED, and OVERWHELMED, said I cant deal with this, and just ran away.

NOT she HATES me for BETRAYING her. that is a bridge too far and she might not have been Sophisticated enough to come up with such a sophisticated error in logic.

well women arent logical of course but…..i mean the second situation is just more complicated and we should really go with occams razor just because why not. it would do ME a hell of a lot better to do occams razor, PLUS there is at LEAST a 50% chance the occam option is the correct one, so why not choose it????!!??!?!?!

lars ulrich is 25% jewish today i learned hahahaha from hearsay on his wikipedia hahahaha that one grandmother was jewish hahahahaha. yes it seems to check out. his full white grandfather married a jewish woman and lars father is thus half jewish hahahaha.

well, what if That Woman was not a Full Jew? if she were only a half jew, then lars would only be 12.5% jewish. and that’s not so bad is it?

its twice as good as being 25% hahahahaha.

for ME, 6.25% would be the MAXIMUM i would tolerate for mothers of muh children. the absolute maximum.

hehehe how many blacks would i tolerate the mother of my white children to have fooked in her colaburning past?

uh well at least one apparently HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

i cant even see myself supporting two. one is real iffy, two is just over the line.

also, its REALLY RARE that a woman is just with ONE black guy. AND they havent been with a lot of guys total. 99% of the time, if they been with one black guy, they’ve been with a LOT of guys, period, too many, and PROBABLY more than ONE black guy in there.

so i was facing a REALLY RARE UNIQUE situation in my own life. do i accept a woman who had been with one and only one black guy, and not a lot of guys total? i mean this sounds like a total UNICORN!

but that was the reality. well, NOW, she is probably going to BECOME a slut, add a LOT of guys to her once-small number, and PROBABLY add some more black guys to that too. damn. its SAD to see a nonslut BECOME a slut. and at an older age too. its SAD. usually a slut is a slut by the time they are 21. they dont START BEING a slut well AFTER 21. but thats the risk she is facing.

i guess i WANT her to become a slut because then it proves that i will have dodged a bullet. but what if she continues being a Prudent, Low Number, Non Casual Sex Liking woman? Virtuous and Moral? well good for her and her future husband hahahaha. bad for me hahahahaha.

yeah its just jeeeeeez. wish she coulda been more mature. just wrote a damn email, a text, had someone ELSE send a message on her behalf, done ANYTHING.

but its better to think of it as her RUNNING AWAY than her “throwing me away like a piece of garbage.”

but fook i sure feel like i was TALAPOG.

well, MUCH better to think of it as her RUNNING AWAY than her Punishing Me for Committing a Crime against her, or her Actively Hating me for a wrong reason, and doing this to me because of that hate.

she was just scared and completely overwhlemed.

oh well thats my FAULT though. i made her get completely overwhelmed.

yeah well my feelings werent gonna change. and she could have hung out wiht me rather than AVOIDED hanging out for 10 months, WHILE saying things like “yes we will hang out soon!”

0224

yeah so i think that was a real productive meeting with the shrink.

but it introduced a new bad idea: if i buy into the Healthier Occam explanation of she doesnt HATE me, she’s not MISUNDERSTANDING me as “betraying her”, and that in reality she was just scared and overwhlemed and didnt want to deal with it and Ran Away………THEN that might make her more likely to respond to me contacting her, than if she hated me. if she doesnt hate me, then i have a better chance at getting her to apologize to me.

and if she doesnt HATE me, perhaps I could Convince her to hang out with me again, we got along so well, lets restart our friendship, we are good people who are good for each other.

and then if i hung out with her, i would ABSOLUTELY try to make a Move on her; i would fall in love with her IMMEDIATELY, the love feelings would CERTAINLY come rushing back the moment she responded to me, and i would be scheming and pushing her to hang out and i would be ALL OVER HER trying to date her.

and that has NEVER worked out well. i have “Rekindled” things with woman2004 and 2005, and it sucked with both of them. i should have never went barking up those trees. it took courage yes, but it also did no good for me. i just got my hopes up AGAIN, and they disappointed me AGAIN, and i hated them more.

also, yes i would like an apology, but would it really be WORTH IT to reach out to her and ask for it? given all those others, given that my ultimate goal would be to Get With Her, no it wouldnt. PLUS what i really want is an unforced, unprompted apology. i want her to apologize of her own free will, not because i ask her to apologise. also, the ball has been in her court since……always really. since she started AVOIDING me in fooking fall 2014. so now im gonna send another ball to her court asking for an apology? fook no. the apology isnt WORTH IT if THATS what i have to do to get it.

PLUS: even if i COULD convince her to apologize, and convince her hang out….you think she would be all excited and happy and lovey dovey at that hangout? i would be trying to touch her and make out with her and she would probably be like ew no. im fooking 3 guys from tinder right now and you are just too weird. dont you remember when i said i wasnt into you.

and I would look pushy, because it WOULD be kinda pushy, and she would REALLY see me as the bad guy, AND she wouldnt understand or care about my pain abotu being thrown away. she would say UGH im GLAD i threw you away because you are a pushy annoying little faggot bitch, trying to scheme your way into muh pants. gtfo weirdo creeper, our friendship has been over for a long time. without taking any responsibility for the terrible ending of that friendship.

heh. this is the bad thing about being pushy. i dont think its the biggest crime in the world but women HATE it and its enough to convince them you’re the bad guy and they did NOTHING wrong and are RIGHT to treat you like shit. i dont think being pushy is that bad! i agree its not awesome, its beeta and weak, but its not as BAD as these women make it out to be!

so the alternative to being pushy and needling and wheedling and trying to Chip Away at them…..is to be direct and say…..i still have feelings for you, do you wanna try Dating? and i would have to say that very early. cuz that is my intention. i dont WANT to rekindle a platonic friendship, i still want to DATE her.

and what do you think she would say? UGH. SIGH. I JUST DONT KNOW. I NEED SOME SPACE.

HINT: THIS MEANS NO.

and then i would try to give them space, she would continue avoiding the issue, i would get impatient finally and start being pushy, and the more i pushed, the more she would shut down and pull away. just like what happened before. except maybe with more communication.

and theres a good chance that she would not be capable of GOOD communication on this. it would always be UGH. stop pushing me. stop being annoying. i dont know. im not sure. i dont know. i dont know. this is not fun. the guys from tinder are FUN. they dont ask all these intense questions.

she would always have one foot out the door in other words. she would not be fully committed to me. she wouldnt even be able to say YES or NO. she would say I DONT KNOW but PROBABLY mean NO. And I would have the pain of seeing her, and seeing her reject me, and seeing her grow to hate me, seeing her fook Fun Diseased Degens from Tinder, while being bitchy and avoiding me. more than likely ending in a Second Dumping, and maybe even a Second Ghosting, and this time I could be SURE that she hated me, for being pushy and annoying, AND would care even LESS about hurting me, because i was really a Jerk, she didnt realize what a Jerk I was, but I am, and I deserve to be shut down harshly.

it would likely play out like that, and thus be even WORSE than when i rekindled with w04 and w05. with them i was able to guilt them into a few make-out sessions. which got my hopes way up. but they didnt really want to date me tho, and essentially ended up dumping me a second time, and boy did i hate them for that. but i really brought it all on myself.

it would be DIFFERENT if she contacted ME, she apologized to ME unprompted, she asked ME to hang out, and she showed a lot of concern about MY feelings, and sincere remorse for hurting me, AND said YES to the idea of Dating, rather than I DUNNO. If she came up to me out of the blue, and was super NICE, and smiling and warm; and i touched her and she smiled, and then we started making out, and there would be no UGH or SIGH or Stahp It. Just Stahp. but rather yes, i have been thinking about this, and i think yes there is a good chance here. then THAT would be different.

but imagine if i through my pushiness i guilted her in to making out with me, and then having secs with me, and after just a little making out and one secs session, i would be more in luv with her than ever before. and imagine if she were to dump me right after that. i would be just as devastated as i was before, maybe even more, after having penetrated her soft white body which would DEFINITELY cause my feelings to get even STRONGER.

basically, she would need to have as STRONG of feelings for me as i have for her…..and that is basically IMPOSSIBLE.

I wouldnt need just a YES, in other words, but a STRONG YES.

when more than likely i would get an uncommittal, avoidant IDUNNO.

IF i were able to convince and push her to hang out.

because its still 70% chance at least that she would just not respond ANYWAY. She would be VERY likely to say, OH GOD ITS HIM AGAIN, HES BACK!!!!!! and then switch RIGHT back into flight mode and avoid, ignore, and block me. because she cant deal with it. i cant even.

also, if we reconnected, we would HAVE to deal with the fallout of the past. deal with that baggage of how things ended in the first place. deal with the things that led up to that. not just ignore those things and attempt to start off on a clean slate. becuase its not a clean slate and can never be, with past shit like that. the past is the past, its done and gone, but here IMHO we would NEED to resolve it, because its fooking unresolved as fook.

i think with the previous women where i reconnected, we never really dealt with the past, just ignored it.

also, they had just lost interest in me the second time around. shit they lost interest the FIRST time around, thats why they dumped me: they were just not interested in a rel. they were all idunno until a few weeks/months with the likes of me, mr needy and clingy, got them to make up their mind, to a DEFINITE NO.

and with That Woman, we never made out, had secs, or pseudodated in the first place! there was no ambiguity of us Going Through the Motions of an Intimate Relationship, doing things Lovers Do, like Making Out and Secs and Romance.

which is the benefit of having Romance Early. but then they always want to have Secs too early too. sluts. romance early is good because you’re signalling to each other that you view each other with Potential, you find each other attractive, youre interested in possibly dating them, you possibly might like like them, or get feelings for them.

its different than Friends First where one person has feelings, and the other person doesnt. its less one sided in other words.

that doesnt mean Friends First would never work. I still really like the idea of Friends First. I think Friends First guarantees that your feelings are strong and real and longterm. however its more painful when you get rejected hehehehe.

so, ideally, you would be Friends First, then BOTH people gradually develop feelings after time. BOTH.

also, just wanted to mention that there was no tension when i first met her and she was with the first guy, because i WONT EVEN ALLOW myself to get feelings for a woman who is not available, who has a longterm boifran. I will put her OFF LIMITS in my mind RIGHT AWAY. thats essentially what i did with her. i was like, shes got a boifran, well then she is off limits. simple as that. she’s just off limits. im not gonna get TOO close with her, I’m gonna keep this very professional and platonic. and i had no problem doing that.

but once that BF was GONE, i started feeling differently. this was NO COINCIDENCE. now that she WAS single, I was able to ALLOW MYSELF to start thinking about her differently. and THEN the tension came in.

but point is, I dont think its BAD to “force yourself” to consider the person “off limits” while they are with someone else. it doesnt seem like forcing. i honestly didnt have tension with her then, and didnt think of her that way. i didnt write about it, i didnt THINK about it.

literally! notice that before I Got Feelings, I barely even WROTE about her, other than to say she was a very nice girl, a decent female friend, and its kinda WEIRD that i’m not in luv with her, but i respect the rel she has with her BF, and i honestly have no desire to interfere with that. and that was true!

it was only AFTER they were done, that shit started getting PROBLEMATIC hehehehe.

I am really good at stopping feelings from starting i guess. oh hey thats good if i ever want to start having degenerate casual sex, i can force myself not to ever get feelings hahahaha.

well no. i think when you make out, cuddle, and especially have SEX with someone, it triggers something primal in your brain, oxytocin probably, and it MAKES you have feelings for them, and you shouldnt try to extinguish that, or else you become a cold heart cok carousel rider with the 1000 cok stare. burn yourself out. not good.

yeah. its just sad. we got along SO GOOD (well) as Just Friends. We supported each other and liked and respected each other and made each other feel good and it was nice just Spanning Time together. A Real Good Connection. It was a platonic friendship but not like with a man, just because she was naturally gentler and warmer and more feminine than a man, i liked that, and all this really CAUSED me to get feelings for her. I thought it could have been smooth transition. we would essential keep our good, close, friendly, supportive rel, and “just” add loving secs, loving cuddles, making out to it. and spend more time together, doing all that stuff, and just become closer as a result. it seemed like a change in degree rather than in kind. like we would go from becoming good friends, to becoming great very very close intimate emotionally supportive friends, who cuddled and fooked and loved each other. it was a change but the change made sense, a sensible continuation down this path, our shared path hahahaha.

she was great as a Platonic Friend, and I think she would have been great as a Gurlfran, but fact is, she would have been TERRIBLE as a gurlfran, as shown by the way she acted. i honestly didnt expect. she was a decent good friend who showed compassion and support and sweetness, so i figured if she didnt want to take it to the next level, she would reject me with that same compassion and caring about my feelings. rather than turning into a completely different person. i didnt expect that.

but yeah. i remember the platonic days and how WELL we got along; and how MUCH that DIFFERED from the end. she couldnt handle it and became SO distant and SO different!!!!

very sad. sad sad sad. it was a good friendship that had inherent value. she was a big person in my life. i used to be a big person in her life too. it didnt always used to be so one sided. it wasnt all a fantasy in my head like it was with previous women.

i watched intervention and there was sonia and julia

which i had never seen the whole episode and had been wanting to. but it was very sad and moving. but i had some interesting reactions. like i thought the girls were really cute, well they needed to GAIN WEIGHT hahaha and stop being sickly skeletons. gain like 30 or 40 pounds i dunno. and they obviously needed to be separated. and it was obviously their parents loved them unlike some of the intervention parents who are very cold and hateful and unfeeling and unloving. however the parents can never understand, and they unintentionally enable, and really cant help the girls. plus i dont think they needed to give their “bottom lines”, where you basically say, if you dont go to rehab, i am disowning you and kicking you out on the street and giving you tuff luv. the one girl says, i dont want to hear the bottom line, and the mother says it anyway.

in some cases the bottom line may be good, but not here. are you seriously gonna throw these poor gurls out on the street? they would be eaten alive. they would be raped the shit out of, and die very quickly. and the parents loved the gurls enough that i dont think they WOULD kick them out on the streets. but they were terrible commuincators in english. i thought they should have done the intervention in their native polish language rather than making the parents speak their horrible english. (they should have spoken much better english after being in USA 20+ years.) (I also love Poles, they are some of the greatest people in the world ever, so naturally i wanted to marry one of these polish gurls.) I thought a better bottom line would be, have one sister stay with the older sister, and the other twin could stay with the parents.

Or, better yet, arrange a marriage with a decent young man! i honestly think that would be a viable solution here. they could certainly find a young, well-adjusted, loving, non abusive, gainfully employed, white polish young man/men for the gurls to marry! there are men LINING UP to WHITE KNIGHT for Severely Emotionally Disturbed Gurls!!!!!

and then i thought, how weird is this. I am saying i would wilfully marry a gurl who is BATSHIT insane, just because she is cute and young and comes from a traditional family and probably hasnt been with a lot of guys. They gave the impression of not being sluts. Because their Traditional Father would not allow it. and they had Secsual Innocence about them. you can feel it when a gurl hasnt been with Too Many Gurls. Slut Radar.

SLUT RADAR! SLUTDAR!!!!!!

they were batshit insane, but they were not sluts! and here i am lining up to marry a young gurl i dont know, who is batshit fooking insane, clearly, and would always have that baggage, and that wasnt ultimately a dealbreaker for me! its more important that they were young, cute, innocent, trad fam, polish! with those pros i could overlook a HELL of a lot, including insane Codependence and Deadly Anorexia!

I thought, well, I’ll take the one with PRoblem Hair cuz she is a little cuter, well hell I’m an old loser, I’ll take the LESS cute one i dont care, I will treat her well, not cheat on her, get some food in her, put some babies in her. having a baby would fix her right up! also i would treat her well, get her to a decent weight, because I like to eat, so i would get her to eat. I would find a way. I’d keep her apart from her twin sister when it was unhealthy. I would cuddle with her and make babies with her and make her nice and healthy and happy. just promise that she wont abandon me or screw me over or cheat on me and we will live happily ever after in a traditional family. i am even interested in learning polish language, i fooking LOVE poles, i come from polish stock myself and would LOVE to have polish babies with a polish gurl like your batshit crazy anorexic but not-slutty daughter sir.

i would take a super crazy anorexic NUTCASE, over a garden variety slut. over a gurl that has been with…..more than 5 guys.

because a slut is inherently crazy. being a slut makes you crazy and sociopathic and antisocial. average slut is crazier than a BATSHIT crazy nonslut! ie, sluts are MORE THAN BATSHIT crazy!!!!!

they seemed to be doing OK after their treatment, gaining some much needed weight, having Healthy Boundaries, and then it said that they went on to Graduate College and Move to Different Cities. of course that got my mind working. what did they major in. what JOBS did they get. how do batshit crazy people interview for Good Jobs and GET them. which essentially makes them more Emotionally and Life Mature than me, hahahahaha.

did they become huge SLUTS after they went back to college/ became successful independent adults? or did they stick with their traditional family values?

their older nontwin sister seemed ok and she got married at a nowadays young age to a decent looking goy. i dont think SHE slutted it up either. and said nope no carousel for me, i want to get MARRIED. this is the proper way for all women to be.

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING S0D0MITES / RUSHING THRU THE RELATIONSHIP SIMULATOR

0215

welp went to gym yesterday for first time in a while, that was good. so hard to burn even 700 calories hahahaha. the way easier way to lose weight is to just not eat as much. now then youre always hungry but after a while you get more used to it, like your stomach shrinks. but with exercising its so hard to burn 700, 800, 900 calories. and its hard to exercise when you are hungry before you go in there. so the best thing to do is to eat a decent sized meal THEN go exercise. then not eat afterwards. then your net calories in the day is under 700 hahahahaha.

shit if That Woman dumped me in a Good Way, i would STILL be mad and angry and STILL blame myself and STILL overreact. i have done it before. when woman2005 dumped me i didnt really understand what was going on. it did not sink it AT ALL. i didnt accept it. i said welp i will keep trying to hang out with her and make out with her but we will just call it Casual Fun and I will try to get used to the idea that she is probably dating other guys including her x boifran. oh well. call it anything as long as i can still be with her. i didnt understand that she didnt want to be with me AT ALL. i mean i had a REALLY thick skull about it.

and i got more angry at her than i should have, treated her worse than i should have. i dont feel too bad about it though, she became very successful and happy in life hahahaha.

she didnt think i liked her as much as i did, she thought i was over it quickly. but i wasnt hahahaha. also it didnt help that i wore her down so that i got to make out with her a bit more, that made me think There Was A Chance, and that she was evil for Stringing Me Along. when in fact i was just being Pushy and she didnt know what else to do.

i dont blame myself too much because i was young and in luv hahahah and was desperate, would do anything to be with her. share her with other guys, not call  it a “relship”, hang out only once every 2 weeks, whatever it took.

i didnt understand that it was really over; i didnt understand that i needed to stay away from her; combine this with not really great communication, and the fact that i saw her and talked to her regularly, and i began to go crazy and hate her, when really i brought a lot of that on myself. well we were both young. but she had a LOT more experience being in Rels and long term rels and short term rels and communicating in rels than i did!!!!!

heh. just because women have TONS more experience in Secs and Relships than you do, dont assume they have TONS of good experience communicating.

i wasnt communicating well either tbh. i was essentially trying to scam her or manipulate her into Being With Me without realizing she was Being With Me. So she could still physically Be With Me and still satisfy whatever bullshit criteria she had where she didnt want a Real Serious Relationship. OK well then i would redefine and manipulate what  “relship” meant and what kind of “relship” we had. so i could be with her in some capacity by an means necessary. because i didnt understand what she was telling me. but at least she tried hahahaha. and she was a sneaky little J who had probably been with 10+ guys and had who knows how many Abortions. She was a middle class College Gurl who went to Grad Skool for a Middle Class Career! and i am not talking about online MBA. more like brick and mortar phd.

anyway i just hate how i get such strong feelings for women, then when they dump me, i am SO DEVASTATED i can barely live my life. not that i can barely live my life anyway. but its 10000000 times worse when a woman i am in luv with dumps me!

oh what an idiot i am! i went looking on okcupid for HER and OH LORD I FOUND HER! it said she was online now. i did not say anything hahahaha. but it was not fun seeing the 2 pictures of her or whatever. i also could not see what her answers to questions were. it also said we were 87% enemies.

there was nothing really on there. I WONDER HOW MANY GUYS SHES FOOKED FROM IT hahahaha. prob over 10. what a disgusting degenerate sodomite. why did she reject me hahahahah. why couldnt she just say sorry im not interested. why couldnt she just be interested. why does a 25 year old attractive woman without children need to go on any Dating Site. what kind of guys does she think she is gonna find on here. what kind of women do i think are on here. trashy crazy slutty sodomite women. hehehehe.

she doesnt need to go on okcupid! she can just contact me!

why does she want to get fooked by other guys! she still has UNFINISHED BUSINESS with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she should be too ASHAMED to meet anybody else until she has cleared her conscience with ME!!!!!!!

well i already closed out of the shit. i did not bookmark anything, did not save any pictures, did not copy and paste anything. i just saw we had a high enemy percentage. although i answered a lot of questions falsely to make myself appear like a Dark Triad Narcissistic Alpha Male who was not into Monogamous Relships hahahahaha.

dont go out cruising for new c0k you sodomite degenerate whore! take care of the unfinished business in your life which gives you bad karma and makes you a bad person and not worth dating! hahahaha.

she had boring 2 word blurbs on the main page, i dont want to go back to look at them. i think she said she spend s alot of time thinknig about “the past, the present, and the future.” HA. I HOPE she AGONIZES over the PAST hahahaha. fooks sake, i cant escape it.

so do i feel better or worse, having the stupid goal of looking for her on that…..and finding her? i dunno it wasnt a BIG deal….but its still stupid. wish i had not done it. dont do it again.

really i just looked for white gurls of her exact age who live in her zipcode and found her super easily.

heh. i hope she meets a lot of shitty guys that remind her of how AWESOME i was and how SPECIAL and GOOD our relship was, and how BAD she treated me. and that at the very LEAST, she should APOLOGIZE to me for HURTING me.

uh oh did i see everything i needed to see on the profile? should i go back and look at it again? OF COURSE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SHOULDNT HAVE LOOKED AT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.

amazing and tragic that THATS the person i used to get along with so GOOD. so long ago and getting longer. yet i cant fookin get over it.

but couldnt contacting her give me some information and some answers and some closure hahahahaha and it might HELP me get over her?

yeah or i would just get right back into the shit. pretty sure looking at this profile regularly would be a HORRIBLE idea.

bbbbbbut she was never the type of gurl to use a sleazy dating site!

bbbbbbut she was never the type of gurl who would just GIVE UP on a person like that!

bbbbbbut she was never the type of gurl to take 10000000 cox from degenerate sodomites on a casual sex site hahahaha.

un fookin believable. i hate wimmin hahahaha. fook me i should have NEVER looked at that page. never looked FOR it. DONT DO IT AGAIN.

ok i deleted her thing from my history and made my stupid okc profile more pro-white and 1488 ish hahahahaha. well shit, she will probably see that i visited her profile and then come visit mine, and might be able to figure out its me. hehehehe. i put her on my “HIDE” list so……whatever that means. what if she sends me a message. oh i hope she does hahahahaha.

so now i will unhide her for about a week to see if she visits my profile. cuz you can see who visits your profile. creepy guys like me talking about how much they hate stupid sluts and can YOU pass my tests and meet my uncompromisingly high standardz muhahahahahaha

i would just say, hey i dont appreciate being TALAPOG, that hurt me a LOT, i wish you had shown ME the respect i deserved instead of being too COWARDLY to deal with the situation like an adult.

come on. before you meet other cox you can fook and throw away, have recreational secs and just play with the creation of human life, take care of the shitty things YOU did in YOUR past so you can move forward with a clearer conscience. i hope it eats her alive hahahahahahaha.

have you ever thrown someone away like a piece of garbage?

did they REALLY deserve it? did they REALLY? did they abuse you, cheat on you? did they REALLY betray you? or were you just an immature coward who wanted to avoid confrontation? would rather avoid confrontation and communication than do the right thing regarding a long term relship.

i never did anything like that to anyone! and if i ever came close (i didnt) i APOLOGIZED to them and they said hey no problem, its not as bad as you think. like in 2005 when i felt guilty because i felt i was sorta ignoring some friends in favor of other friends. so later in 2014 i apologized to the people i felt i might have been ignoring and they said what u talkin about, aint no thang.

0217

shit looking at that okcupid thing was a horrible idea. ruined muh day. i was losing sleep thinking about that bullshit even more than usual. so today i deactivated /  disabled okcupid, not like i want to meet anyone new anyway, still obsessed with her. addicted to a person. CODEPENDENT.

basically, she would rather throw away something GOOD because she would RATHER have casual secs with sleazy internet sleazbags from okcupid and tinder. she would rather throw me away, a guy who really luved her, to be with a bunch of tattooed pill poppers. that that scum of the earth is better than me. a decent guy who really luved her and would be there for her. just throw that guy out because its funner to make babies with deadbeats. unbelievable.

and SHE refuses to talk to ME! she blocked ME, like i am such a monster, when SHE does these MONSTROUS things! a monster saying that I am too monstrous to talk to HER!!!!!!!!!!

thing is, she’s not any more monstrous than any other average woman.

basically, i want to MATTER to somebody. to a woman i mean hahahaha. i want to MATTER to women like i have MATTERED to some of muh male friends. leave an IMPACT. be someone you never really forget. someone that takes a long time to Get Over. you arent just deleted, forgotten, and replaced. i hate that feeling. even with other women, there was the feeling of: OK im done with you now, id rather meet new guys now.

i try to treat everyone as the special snowflake they are. everyone is unique and special in their own way. i have NEVER been into short term relationships. NEVER. because these are not just pieces of meat or garbage or material, they are living breathing PEOPLE with hopes and dreams and fears and insecurities and talents and gifts and value and worth. you CANT just replace ANYONE. and it bothers me that women have treated me like i was so dispensable, expendable, unimportant. disposable, replaceable. male friends never treated me like that!

its like women dont understand the value of human life! just cycling through a revolving door of people. meeting, fooking, replacing, maybe getting briefly infatuated but never really loving anyone or respecting anyone. no WONDER they can cheat and lie and kill their babies hahaha.

i wonder if women have been duped into thinking that giving up their babies for adoption is actually worse (more immoral) than ABORTION. because they’ve equated adoption with “a mother abandoning her child to a stranger”, and abortion to “a mercy killing of a clump of cells that hasnt had time to become a real human life yet.”

hehehe total MORAL INVERSION. ABSOLUTELY DEGENERATE.

and this is just a sign of the CURRENT Race War: that our WOMEN have been completely RUINED and turned into inhuman monsters. nightmarish hellish doom creatures hahaha. that is what has become of the beauty of the white woman.

there is nothing but a barren crater where my heart once was and it is unlikely i will ever love a woman again. i will likely always hate women. but I will always have love in my heart for my race, and by association, the women of my race. yet i have to accept that 99% of white women are GARBAGE. and i hate seeing the most beautiful, best women in the world, being corrupted and ruined into such disgusting garbage. these should be wives and mothers, raising the next generation of beautiful white children. instead they have become degenerate sodomite garbage worthy of no white man. maybe in a white nation they could function as brood mares. but they are capable of being so much MORE than brood mares.  plus the ideal society probably shouldnt even HAVE brood mares, because healthy white families would produce all the white children you need. also it seems unnatural to separate a mother from her children. so how about just abort the children hahahaha.

how about you just show me youre not a MONSTER who does monstrous things to me.

ACKNOWLEDGE that what you did HURT ME and show remorse for that.

maybe show that YOU are in pain too, that this isnt easy for you either. show me that i mattered to you.

because i didnt just lose someone i luved, i lost what i THOUGHT was a good friend. overnight. in the blink of an eye. but Relships just DONT, CANT end that way. you cant just shoot them in the head and theyre dead. its more like you stab them in the heart and they Bleed Out for Months, Dying in Agony. i would take a bullet in the head any day over that! all figurative speaking of course.

to have someone go from Good Friend to NOTHING, just gone from your life forever, overnight.

one day they were a good important friend. next day they are like i dont know you any more i never knew you. go from 100 to 0 overnight. people and relationships JUST DONT WORK THAT WAY, i dont care HOW degenerate and desouled you are.

just treat me as a human being, show that you care i am hurting. show some damn care for me. just TRY not to hurt me excessively. i never tried to hurt her. i never wanted to hurt her. i always showed care and love and kindness and mercy for her, even if i was afraid to blurt out my feelings. but i never THALAPOG. she was very valuable to me and i tried to show her that. i was apparently not very valuable to her, cuz she never tried to show me otherwise.

SHOW ME that i’m valuable to you. TREAT ME like im valuable to you.

i literally could not possibly treat another human being this way.

that shes been hurt before is no excuse!!!!!!!!!! IVE been hurt before and if ANYTHING, it’s reassured me that I WILL NEVER, AS GOD AS MY WITNESS, EVER TREAT SOMEONE THE HORRIBLE WAY I HAVE BEEN TREATED.

if anything, being treated that way yourself should GUARANTEE you will never do the same thing yourself to another person!

so fook that, i dont care how many times other people have hurt her. ITS NO EXCUSE.

you think i ever wanted to hurt her like this? NO! i wanted to be her WHITE KNIGHT and protect her from all harm!

mgtow phaggots mock husbands for “white knighting” for their wives, and not quite understanding that husbands are SUPPOSED to “white knight” for their wives. that in the ideal rel, BOTH people put their spouses on a pedestal. you have chosen this person as one of the most important people in your life. you enter into this special social contract willingly.

now you shouldnt white knight some WHORE who doesnt deserve it…….but i honestly thought she deserved it! no kids, low cok count, appeared to take relships seriously……………………until she met me hahahahahahaha.

i mean i take note of what kind of men they choose and how they treat men. if they are always dumping men , take another cok, lose interest quickly, dump the guy, repeat the process REGULARLY and QUICKLY. always a bad sign. so when i met a woman who had had really only one BF, i thought I had found a woman who was good for me. my ideal woman does not cycle through men like a……….cok carousel hahahaha. it ruins the women and its not really fair to the men either, well, the men like me who still fall in luv, and want a traditional long term monogamous rel.

and its OBSCENE that any woman WOULD want anything BUT a traditional, long term, monogamous rel. okcupid now gives you an option for “monogamous” or “non monogamous.” ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

its OBSCENE that any woman would want ANYTHING BUT a Monogamous Relationship.

THIS is how ruined and destroyed our once-beautiful white women are. this is how white genocide is being committed. this IS a RACE WAR NOW.  you could make a strong case for these RACE TRAITORS to go on the day of the rope…….but i am big softie and have an inborn urge to white knight for white women. i dont want to punish even the race traitors. just make them brood mares, harvest their eggs, maybe make them a prostitute caste, or ideally just banish them to live among the nonwhite hordes they love so much more than their own men.

this is how absolutely destroyed our women are. they view non-monogamy as a viable alternative.

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

honestly. dont want to confront me in person? write me a letter or an email! a long email!

uhhhh well tell her that.

but i cant tell HER ANYTHING because its been too LONG and it would make me LOOK CREEPY. and then im instantly the bad guy because i LOOKED CREEPY. and thats how bitches win every argument and always take the high road (in a low down manner!) by claiming that EVERYTHINGS abuse, EVERYTHINGS betrayal, EVERYTHINGS creepy, EVERYTHINGS weird, EVERYTHING makes them uncomfortable, and the second a woman accuses you of making her feel UNCOMFORTABLE, youre as bad as a Racist Rapist. because you “made” an Emotional Retarded Infant feel Uncomfortable for something shitty THEY did.

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

aiMo1Qj

hehehehe i hate women even more than stefan molyneux does. yeah well i cant blame him. women are fooking MONSTROUS MONSTERS, who once you think youve seen the depths of their degeneracy and evil, just keep getting worse and worse. from the collective average women, to the individual women that you truly love. will keep finding new and twisted ways to destroy you, and defile themselves.

heh. just try to dump me in a way that isnt gonna make me HATE WOMEN.

really, just dump me in a way that isnt gonna make me hate YOU.

i guess its easier said than done, but…….not really. respond to communication, dont treat it like you holding a persons head underwater until they finally stop thrashing, and just shut up and die already.

ok ok ok well its ok and even good for me to hate HER, but i dont NEED to hate all women, because…..

not all women are like that

not all women are like that

not all women are like that

not all women are like that

not all women are like that.

its funny. i am DESPERATE to believe this mantra, to convince myself that not all women are horrible pieces of shit who will break your heart in the worst ways imagineable………but one of the first “Red Pills” is that, yes, all women ARE like that, or at least 99.9999999% of them are, or that 100% of women Can Easily Become Like That.

i dont care. i just NEED TO BELIEVE that NOT ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT or else i will fooking hate all women hahahaha and i dont WANT to hate all women. white women are the mothers of the white race. and i will gladly White Knight for White Women all day long.

well, the ones that arent monstrous degenerates, sodomites, race traitors, non monagamous. the .0000000000001% who Arent Like That hahahahaha.

but it IS easier for women to replace men. how hard you think it is for her to find a gainfully employed, somewhat handsome, charming man who wont abuse or cheat on her? they are LINING UP to meet her on tinder and okcupid.

meanwhile, how hard do you think it will be for me to find a young, attractive, low number, no children, easy to get along with woman? super hard! i still find it hard to believe i ever met HER! and that i got along with her so well, instantly! and i never thought it would end this way.

not all women are like that!

i dont WANT all women to be like that.

i dont WANT to hate all women!

its PATHETIC to hate all women!

plus i KNOW not all women are like that!

one of the only things that gives me hope is that Woman2012 The Asexual is not like that, she did not treat me like that, she gave a MASTER COURSE in how to reject a man politely and I will Forever Respect her for the way she rejected me hahahahaha.

and she didnt need to experience 100000 cox to learn how to do it. she just Empathized, and thought of how she wanted to be treated, and probably talked to her Father whom she had a good rel with, and he said, welp, rejection is never fun, and a proper woman like my daughter should not be a huge cvnt when rejecting guys unless they are like harrassing her, in which case i the father will intervene with my sidearm.

but yeah these fatherless gurls are just a mess. i should have stayed far away. but no. i was happy that she didnt have the NORMAL daddy issues of being a huge whore. so she ended up having the OTHER daddy issues of she abandons good men and is loyal only to men who dont love her. im talking about That Person.

wwwwwwhat if i had just gotten her pregnant? used a baby to trap her in a life that would ultimately be good for me, good for her, good for the white race?

well she might have just aborted the child anyway; dumped me anyway; i could have gone crazy and K’d myself because i cant take care of a white child; and also she WOULDNT EVEN HANG OUT WITH ME, how the hell was i supposed to get her pregnant. she’d rather hang out with pill popping neck tattoo types on tinder, diseased players, and get diseases from them, than hang out with worthless ol me. boo hoo.

more fun to get diseases from random trashy guys, than to hang out with a guy she knows and can trust and who has her best interests in mind and used to respect her before she treated him LAPOG.

hey she COULD trust me. i never did anything to hurt her. i luved her. i would have been there for her good times and bad.

but she left me in the LURCH when i needed her the MOST.

no SHIT im insecure about women leaving me:

BECAUSE THEY LEAVE ME WHEN I NEED THEM THE MOST!!!!!!!!!!

WHO WOULDNT BE INSECURE ABOUT THAT!!!!!!!!??????

thats why i hate women who hate insecure guys. because if a PERSON is insecure about something…..THEY USUALLY HAVE A DAMN GOOD REASON FOR IT.

they have Abandonment Issues because their father abandoned them as a child.

they have abandonment issues because they had 5 husbands who left to go get a pack of cigarettes and never came back.

they have abandonment issues BECUASE THEY WERE ABANDONED!!!!

women2004 and 2005 i am 100% over, i really never KNEW them. we rushed through all the stages of a rel and none of it was real. it took me like 2 years to get over them which was too long, but i never really knew them. nothing real there. just a rushed-through simulation that left me hanging.

anyway That Person, i actually KNEW her, for YEARS, so that makes that hard. when you lose a good friend of years because they simply decide they dont want to respond to you ever again. its MIND BOGGLING. theres no way your mind and heart COULD be prepared for something SO UNNATURAL.

you dont throw your friends away like garbage.

well she would say thats what I did when i got feelings. well shes WRONG. i wanted to change the friendship, i was aware that things were changing, but….that didnt change the past and history and friendship we had. that was established. that was THERE. you just CANT swipe it away in one flush. she seems to think you can. i know that you cant. cuz when SHE tried to flush me away with one flush, well i felt pain for months and months. obsessive agonizing pain every day.

THAT is how a normal person feels when their friend is taken away from them.

i didnt REVOKE our friendship on the spot my getting feelings.

if anything, she TRIED to revoke our friendship on the spot by TMALAPOG and refusing to talk to me about it.

I was willing to reconcile. she was NOT willing to reconcile. therefore we had irreconcilable differences….all because of her.

she literally tried to revoke our friendship on the spot. I knew it couldnt be done. there were fooking ROOTS there, you cant just tear up years of roots without shitloads of pain.

also if she was feeling any pain, i would have liked to know it was painful for her. i wanted her to share this pain with me, let me know this was hard for her too. of course she denied me that too.

appreciate that i am a human being with feelings and had Deep Roots with you and you CANT just throw me away. acknowledge the pain.

and here i am like an idiot neet because i can deal with getting my heart broke, and she is over me and wants to get fooked by tyrone and chad and billy bob and dewayne.

i honestly think she is scared of being really LOVED by a man, and i had loved her more than any man ever had before, including her long term boifran, including her own FATHER, so…..that scared her away like the deer or rabbit that runs away from the slightest rustling.

and she was that scared deer. but she let me get close to her before she ran away. so when she ran away she left me completely heartbroken.

they make a MOCKERY of humanity and human relationships! who LIKES being RUSHED through a SIMULATION of relships, then discarded and replaced? no one SHOULD like this! They should say, this is ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING and an ABOMINATION to turn a beautiful human relationship into DEGENERATE SODOMY like this. and treat HUMAN BEINGS just as clumps of parasite cells that you abort willy nilly.

women2004 and 5 treated me better in the rejection…..but they still rushed through the Relationship Simulator in an Absolutely Disgusting Way; even if you are The Rejector and not the REjected, i cant imagine how its PLEASANT to go through Fake Phony Relationships like that repeatedly! are these women even human beings????!?!?!?!?!

every time i get close to a woman i get heartbroken and have to ask myself that fundamental question: is this even a human being, or some kind of of evil lizard? CRAB PEOPLE?

i dunno. in comparison to This Woman, Those Women treated me better in the dumping, although the actual rels themselves were much shittier. never had such a good rel end so badly.

its not theoretically a betrayal. see even i as the Conquered, have enough insight to see its not REALLY a BETRAYAL per se, while she goes off thinking i betrayed her, i abused her, i was weird to her, whatever the fook she thinks, which i will never know.

NOBODY likes to be abandoned. its a PRIMAL FEAR for EVERYONE. so if some bitch gives you a shit test, just be like, so YOU like being abandoned? didnt think so. EVERYONE has abandonment issues because abandonment is a BAD thing like cancer. what, you have cancer issues too baby? rape issues?

ABANDONMENT IS INHERENTLY BAD and NOBODY likes it.

now i understand that you can be in a rel, and be SO AFRAID that your BF/GF will leave you……that you push them away and they LEAVE you. because they cant do enough to so you can trust them.

but if they leave you without making an effort, and were clearly no invested in the rel…..then you couldnt trust them anyway!!!!

i mean when they dont give you ANYTHING to show they are invested. its not like she was doing a lot and i was STILL doubting her. She was doing NOTHING and I was saying yes I know we can work this out baby, we can do it! our friendship is strong enough to survive! lets just communicate!

i pushed her away with “weirdness” that was really just me WANTING TO HANG OUT WITH HER. WE NEVER FOOKING HUNG OUT ANY MORE. and when someone stops being WILLING to hang out with you, that rel is OVER.

i wasnt coming at her and accusing her of abandoning me. i was just saying please hang out with me, i miss hanging out wiht you.

so yeah i can understand people can get pushed away if you always suspect them of being about to abandon you.

but what if they are always distant to you and never want to hang out with you and dont show love to you and they DO abandon you?

and then you contact them and say please dont do it like this, please help me get a LITTLE more closure, please dont throw me away like a piece of garbage…..and in response, they BLOCK you!!!! basically reject your request to be treated like a human being. DAMN. youre just asking for a little respect, and they say FOOK NO to your request. what the hell do you do there. well you just try to forget the person and get over them, they obviously were not good for you hahahahaha.

but its fookin HARD. when you really LUV a person!

SECHS IS A MUCH BETTER RETURN ON INVESTMENT THAN TRUE LUV

june 18

ok.

here’s a great magic bullet which never occured to me:

ON A HOT SUMMER DAY, GO TO THE POOL.

I guarantee you, there is a public pool within 5 miles of where you live.

I can think of 2 or 3 pools WHICH I NEVER GO TO because I FORGET THEY’RE EVEN THERE.

also i am a bit averse to going alone by myself. but that is stupid. i used to go to movies by myself all the time until i figured out movies sucked. and the pool on a hot day is WAY better than a stupid MOVIE!

so you have to pay to get in. so what. then you only go once every two weeks or something.

if you ever go to the bar ever, then you have no excuse. you could be using that money to go to the pool, trying to buy sechs from wimmin, buying silver, buying bitcoin, buying guns (hehehe), buying a gym membership.

THE BAR is the biggest Money Sucker of ALL TIME.

even worse than Restaurant Food.

I am so happy I will never buy drinks at a bar ever again.

or, sneak your own booze into the bar like I used to!

also, think about getting big medical surgeries in MEXICO. or NICARAGUA. go to a good US-trained doctor of course in the big city. you will save 50% from the 4ssraeping medical costs in the US. which is inflated because of stupid health companies run by international globalist banksters. so make globalism work for you by getting your treatment in mexico.

note: I am generally VERY anti-globalization. VERY.

whenever i feel regrets for not trying to get the good career of doctor or nurse etc, i think of what a disgraceful, disgusting, degenerate scam the whole medical industry is. it’s seriously right up there with mortgages and student loans. i just haven’t thought about it because i’ve been BLESSED with good health so far. i have a feeling that is gonna start going downhill though, because i am getting older.

how about u?

heh. it is weird to think, i would never really have gotten all hyped up on girl8 if girl7 had just said yes and agreed to go out with me. hehehe. girl8 would have never become a thing, and i would have lived happily ever after with girl7. she was powerful enough to do that. that’s the diff between luv and like, son. hehehehe.

it’s also possible i have NEVER known true luv, and these 8 instances of “true luv” are really just “like.”

well they are something way above the average of just wanting to bang a grill.

june 19

oy vey. ball is in the court of employer, waiting for them to call me back. things are gonna change around here, unless they screw me and DONT give me job back. that would actually be a blessing in disguise, cuz then i would go to the temp agency and get a diff job.

waiting for bharmacy to call back, i am running out of paxil and do not want the Abrupt Discontinuation Symptoms, although not too worried about it. but if i do go to the doc, i have my list. my one sheeter. will request tricyclic or a superstrong antilaziness drug; a benzo; and buspar; and anything i f00king WANT. I’ll request 9000 drugs. oxycontin. ketamine. f00k. adderrall. medicinal marihuana.  anything and everything. that’s what the doctor is FOR. ask for generics. if the rx turns out to be too expensive, just don’t fill it. but you will have the rx if you really need it.

who, what, when, how, why, which, where. tell me about that. how about you.

sometimes you can fall in luv with a young girl just because she is real cute and in proximity. that’s what happened with me and girl6. she was of very poor character and it would have turned out horrible if we had ever Hooked Up, she prob would have dumped me after 4 sechsual events at most, and I would have been p1ssed like a b1tch. however that would have been ok because at least i would have gotten something out of her rather than nothing. but she was a real piece of work and it was a reflection of my own weakness that i even liked her.

contrast with girl7. it sucks that girl7 didn’t work out, but it made perfect sense that i was in luv with her. she was a great choice in other words: good head, cute, smart, moral, not crazy, not slutty, the only thing wrong with her was that she did not like me and or asexual lebbian.

girl8 i think IS pretty crazy but prob still better than girl6. smarter and less slutty at least. prob less crazy too.

girls girls girls. the cons have outweighed the pros. in my life at least. how about you?

my goal is to get physical action at my beck and call, so i can focus on more imporatnt things in life. finding true luv is not a super big goal but i am open to it. i wouldn’t mind it. i just don’t WANT to make it a big priority because i know how hard it is to find.

also sechs is a much better return on investment, percentagewise, than true luv.

isn’t that interesting?

besides i just went on okcupid yesterday and dear god what a trainwreck. if you don’t become a misogynist after looking at okcupid, you are an idiot. I really don’t think average wimmin are THAT bad, just that okcupid self-selects the worst possible loser defect degenerate wimmin. that’s why they are on a dating website despite being

The Natural Born Choosers in the Mating game.